#(yes i know i've never posted a mb here before now but i still do love making them)

[where-the-wind-travels]

saini & cas ✦ moodboard by me, for @aallotarenunelma

hi hi! i'm your secret pal for this event <3. i honestly had a bit of a hard time choosing which of your mcs/pairings to do, but i decided to go with saini and cas because i love vampires and also i've never done anything related to immortal desires before haha. ft an alternate version without the overlay because i could not pick one to post SKDJDK

also can i just say i love every single detail about saini's character... and all of your oc/mcs in general 😭💗

also tagging: @choicesfandomappreciation

[polyanamam]

Oversatturated?!

Some weeks I seem fairly lonely and others, all comes together. This week was one of these... Monday, E came over, after I put down the kids. I know, she wants more, maybe experience some shared sexuality, maybe cuddles, maybe emotional connection, or maybe just more time, it's quite hard to grasp what E really wants, but more..! E is in a longterm relationship with the father of her kids and has some dating activities. And I was in a shortterm relationship with her partner M, which ended not so well, but thats how I met E.

Tuesday J, the father of my kids was here to bring them to bed and I finally managed some houshold, went to bed still way to late because I chatted with B on the phone, even though they were to come Wednesday evening. I'm in no more relationship with him, other than being co-parents. He lives on the other side of the street and we separated last spring. He lives monogamous with his new girlfriend L. Not the first since the separation, but I don't mind as long as he uses his brain when it comes to our kids.

Back to Wednesday and B. B is great and to be honest, I believe I'm deeply in love with B. I guess they know, but probably not yet to what extent. We only met a few days before christmas but were quite deep connected while messaging before, we met online. When I saw them, I knew this will be great and it is and I seemingly can't get enough of them. B has no kids and don't want any, I respect that and still, I do have to state here, they would be a wonderful parent. When I see how they interact with my kids and how thoughtful they are about family politics and many other reproduction related topics. And they are great in communications, to much? okay give me space, to little? come closer, more often, more intense :) They live as Relationship Anarchist with their other "partners", and maybe some others ;) There is so much more, obviously, but this is not a post about B but about my oversatturated week. B also has some stuff to do and wants to come back end of the week, we've talked about friday, saturday or sunday, and I think I messed it up...

Thursday, only one hour after B left, MB came over. In this hour I put the kids to bed and then we had some nerdy chats about WD40 and ducktape, about lasers, space and other stuff. MB is my oldest friend, we know each other more than half of my live and are solely platonic friends but sometimes share a sleeping space and cuddle. I think, he is lonley sometimes but with the years, he forgot about it, lost some of his emotionality and I think this is very sad. Over the seven Years I was married to J, I quite lost contact to MB, J didn't get our friendship, was jealous and so I did the most stupid thing, I let our friendship weather. Since the separation from J I'm working on that friendship recovery, but MB has changed and I'm not sure if I'm to late.

Today is Friday and I was supposed to meet a guy. He started to chat with me on that online dating platform the very same day, B started to write me there, like one hour apart, funny live... I guess I was on some kind of boost or something. Anyway, in the beginning we had a very intense connection but then his phone was broken and the communication was interrupted, in that time my communication with B started to intensify, and that's probably why I've met them first. That guy was a bit jealous even though we've never met, maybe that's a red flag I should think of... I wanted to cancel the date today because I feel satturated and low energy, but he was so sad and begged to meet anyway. But now he's had a time management issue himself and we cancelled the date consensual. We'll see if there will be a date at some point or not. I'm just glad, its not today.

Tomorrow, Saturday, M, an old friend, also a wethered friendship over the past years, asked to come over, and I said yes, of course, hopefully I can restore this friendship, but I already sensed, that he has changed too, of course my old friends changed, I changed too, a lot!

Sunday I work a few hours in the morning to mid afternoon and then...?

And here's the twist... B and I wanted to share more time and talked about a night friday, saturday or sunday and somehow right now it's saturday, because for a few minutes I forgot about M (I'm such a bad friend) and now I have to tell B, it's to much, even though I can't get enough, it's to much and I need to skip that date. We could do it today I suppose, but honestly, when I skip another date, because I'm low energy, I probably can't be a good match for B either? so probably sunday would be the best option or even later, because once he said, every other week or so... and right now, we meet much more than that and what I am really anxious about is, that I will be to much for them at some point.

I've sent a message to discuss our next plans and now I kind of hear nothing, but not nothing, it's more like 3 word messages (not those three words), short-handed, emoticons (not hearts, just thumbs ups) ... I know he's busy today but I rather have no answer at all, than one that is so short that I am unsure if everything is okay.

I guess I'm overthinking and usually it's bad to post when I'm in the midst of a situation, but I also don't want to push it to any later, I guess I can write an update anytime...

Update: B was just as busy as I thought and a connection problem delayed some of their messages to me, so, yep, everything is just fine, they even noted themself, that Saturday would be a bad Idea, for they have to work a lot and would be tired and me having to get up so early on Sunday would make it impossible to really get to each other, if you know what I mean. So we'll find another day, I suggested Sunday afternoon, we'll check in later this week, if we're up fo that, energywise. I like, that they are fine with spontaneous plans and also changes.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Evading eternal gloom and chaos in general | November Goals Update

Hey People of Earth!

Today is December 1st. Which means, November (death) is over, and I can officially restart life during Christmas break in 21 days. November as a whole was much better than October (so much, we don't even compare the two) which is strange, as November is the month of death usually because school gets crazy. Regardless, I’m very pleased that I somehow evaded eternal gloom (for the most part) in November.

Some cool things happened this month, including two university open houses in two different locations in Ontario (London + Windsor = two road trips, two weekends in a row), that high school dance life (my first hs dance when ur last year is next year and this is the first social occasion you’ve attended haaaa lol rip) and Literally The Worst Case Of Writer’s Block Ever I Kid You Not. (Which I will definitely go into in this month’s writing update!)

Overall, November was this very chaotic amalgamation of busy, but cumulatively, was pretty darn memorable. Darn.

Onto the goals.

(Also, I don't know if I’ve ever explained this in recent years, but I work with goals in a very strange way. As in, I don't really work with them, as in, I write these posts every month with goals, then never refer to them for the entire month, then come back a month later ?? and ?? for some ?? reason this ?? works ?? it’s also very entertaining to laugh at my failures is that morbid that I enjoy this very much oh no)

(I enjoy writing these posts a lot though, they give me some time to reflect on the last 30 or 31 days I’ve lived and they act as a great routine. :))

Anywhoozies, onto the things I did and mostly did not do:

1. Hit 15k in FOSTERED #6

So. Let’s just talk about this goal very briefly, shall we. As I mentioned above, November and I did not get along in terms of writing, as in, November served me a big ol’ slice of Writer’s Block and left me to choke on it. I wasn't really expecting this block to be so severe, but it was a thing, and it was very real. I mentioned this in DtWT #66, and I know writer’s block is controversial (some people thinks it’s a bullshit excuse, some people don't care, some people strongly believe in it, etc). I stand on the side of ‘in creative fields, every artist is bound to run into some form of a challenge at some point in their career’. As a creative person, I've experienced tons of creative block. In some cases, yes, this block is caused by fear, lack of ideas, sometimes procrastination, but ohhhh myyy, November’s writer’s block was none of these things.

Initially, it was straight up fear, I’ll admit that. I was just starting this book, didn't want to screw up the beginning of the *very last* book, couldn't piece together ideas that I thought were good even though @sarahkelsiwrites​ was very honest about them and had good feedback, etc, etc. I would say the first week and a half of this block were straight-up fear based. And then weeks 2 + 3 came and it sort of wasn't anymore. I wasn't scared to write this book because at this point, I was pretty fed up with my moping and fear, and just wanted to get some words out.

*and then the words stopped coming and they just stopped coming*

(which isn't entirely the truth, but let me elaborate)

In this time period, I was still writing. I was still hitting my 250 goal almost every single day, and there wasn't one day I didn't go about writing, or go about figuring out how to go about writing. To me, writer’s block doesn't mean I’m not writing. It just means there’s this disconnect that prevents me from immersing myself into my work, thus holding me back from creating the best thing I possibly can, OR making me think I’m creating something of unsubstantial standards. Does this make sense.

So yes, I was very out of it, and I really do think this block was triggered by fear, and once I got over that fear, lingered. BUT I’m doing MUCH better now, let’s not jinx this, AKA I hit 15 587 words this month and when I made this goal literally didn't think I would haaaa bless.

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

No. lol. So. I’m going to count this as a half win, because I did complete this goal, but not by much. In October’s post, I mentioned I wanted to go through this outline to see if I could possibly shift some of them into the POV of my boi Matthew. This novel is narrated by Chris, and while I love my girl, something was missing from the story, and so I was like, yanno, screw it, let’s see if I can find some chapters to give to Matt just for the hell of it. Overall, I found about 12 or so chapters I could give to him (excluding new ideas that I haven't gotten, but yes), which is pretty good. Not sure I even want to do this dual POV thing, but I mean, I worked on the outline sort of so. (I really need to get on top of this thing I’ve been outlining it for like a year oops.)

3. Upload cover making video

So abridged version of this disclaimer: basically, my hard drive died on me this month, it had all the footage for all my upcoming YouTube vids, including all the speedpaints and cover making vids, lol sigh back up your stuff kids, didn't listen to myself, rip my data, you will be missed (didn’t lose anything personal and my documents are always protected because they’re the most important) SOOO that happened. HOWEVERRR, this is not an excuse for why I did not finish this goal because I literally had another cover making video exported and ready on my computer BUUUUT I’m vERYyyY extra and wasn't liking how my THUMBNAIL was coming out so yesterday when I was scrambling to actually get this goal done because good job time management, was like yo okay imma redo this tomorrow, and so here’s the thumbnail:

And here’s the ugly shit it was before:

AND ACTUALLY, the only reason I never got this vid up like I dunno THREE WEEKS AGO WHEN IT WAS READY, was because of this THUMBNAILLLL WHICH HAS BEEN LIKE A 2 WEEK PROCESS.

(why do I take these things so seriously)

(this thumbnail took me longer to make than the goddamn book cover)

(I digress so sorry for that rant)

(th u mb n a il)

I did get the video up today, though, and you can watch it right here:

4. Read a book yo.

I actually did this, lol. I finished Kristen Martin’s Shadow Crown this month and started History of Wolves by Emily Fridlund, but I’ve been reading that one at school and like, so far, I’m getting the vibe that I need some hardcore tea and snow and a fire log and some peace and quiet to just appreciate this book because so far I’ve read it in math class and while I do enjoy my math class, i’m getting the feeling this book ain’t no math class aesthetic. (so, the answer is, no I didn't finish this book, but yes, I really really want to because i’m liking it a lot so far and the voice is nice as fuuuuuuuuh and dooooon’t get me started on the writing clapz for dayz)

5. Finish another character portrait

I actually did four portraits this month, two of which are Christmas gifts so I can’t share those at the moment, but here’s one I did of @sarahkelsiwrites​’ character Simon:

(and you can watch the speedpaint HERE)

And then one I did of Quinn, my MC for THIS IS WHERE THE END STARTS:

(which might be my favourite piece of art and you can watch the speedpaint HERE)

6. Find and finalize an ALANNIS epigraph

I dunno why this is still a goal because I’m literally not going to do it if I’m hardly working on the darn outline, but yes, no, fail.

7. Work on FOSTERED #5′s book cover

Epic fail, XD. I don't like the design of the re-designed FOSTERED covers, but for the sake of consistency, I’m going along, and that's serving for some unenthusiastic cover designing but I do need to get this done so I can order copies. (WHICH, by the way, I have a new copy of I’M DISAPPOINTED to order, a copy of my sister’s novel, A HAPPINESS TO WONDER, a copy of my novelette sort of thing THE TREATED and on top of this FOSTERED #5, you can totally call me cheap for realllyyyy not wanting to pay for that shipping twice, lol. Point is, I’ll be doing an unboxing because those are literally my favourite videos ever and I’ve watched every single one on YouTube no lie. ;))

So those were the goals. Finished 4ish/almost5 out of 7 goals this much which is pretty ass, but the ones I didn't finish (with the exception of one AKA THE OUTLINE) weren't super important. Some shtuff I’d like to get done in December:

1. Hit 25k in FOSTERED #6 (aka REWIRED)

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

COME ONNNN

(it’s literally been so long since I actually outlined this book)

3. Upload a video

4. Read a book yo.

I really do doubt I’ll get this one done, but it’d be real nice.

5. Finish another character portrait

7. Work on FOSTERED #5′s book cover

Probably also won’t finish this oneeee haaaheeaahahe

8. Make a character aesthetic

(this is sort of a cop out because I have to make one for Lonan this month since his birthday is on the 9th and for those birthday posts I need one but also I've been telling myself to do this since the start of November and ohhh noo I’m running out of time oops)

So that’s it for now, folks. I hope your November was great. :) Keep an eye out for the monthly writing update! That’s it for now, thanks for reading!

--Rachel