#(yes i cry easily but that isnt important rn)

[kukekakuningaskris]

Bluza has only been out for like 15min and i have already cried to it while doing uni work. Speedrunning the joker out emotional song experience ig

[i-have-bees-in-my-brain]

Personal rant or some shit bc i just wanna get this out rn. yeeeee this will be long

So today i had a vit of a stressful day with uni n all bc ive been sick and admittedly lazy over the last week up til like tuesday and i had to turn in an Interpretation/essay tonight and prepare a group presentation for tmr (saturday seminars should b illegal but ok i literally chose this). N e way so ive been procrastinating like hell up until this morning so i didnt rly eat before showing up to seminar at 12am and afterwards i had to check with my one remaining presentation groupmember and finish the interpretation and tgen i had swordfighting class at 5. I didnt Really gave time for it but its fun and im very behind bc i misses several lessons already and am generally. Not good at it lol. n e way i turn up to swords and we peactice some routines ig and heres where the peoblem rly starts. Basically i am a huge crybaby, always have been (im older than firestar btw for context), esp when i feel criticized or yknow. Make mistakes or anything and since i was a sports h8er with 2 left feet n hands all my life n cried often during school pe bc i kept messing up n git embarrassed, it was an important step for me to sign up for this uni extracurricular swords class bc. Doing sth sporty in front of others tgat. Isnt very easy and i gotta learn from scratch is a bit out of my comfort zone. But normally its all v fun, im not good/easily the worst in class but thats ok i learn and move my body and talk to ppl! Proud of myself! Well today not so kuch, i noticed i was getting tense bc of not understanding how to do a movement and everyone (3 experienced fighters bc the main teacher was sick plus 2 other beginners that r learning faster than me) lookimg at me and trying to give helpful pointers and me still doing it wrong... H8 dis feeling bc i kinda freeze up instead of being able to take the tips n try again. Its hard for me to translate input like verbal instructions and demonstsations into my own movements as is. In this state i cant do anything properly and i feel the cryings abt to start while wanting nothing more than to MOVE ON NORMALLY. Well my eye started to get itxhy n teary so i excused myself to "take care of my contacts" (lie) (why am i even so ashamed that i feel i have to lie/make up excuses?? Bro???? That just made the situation Actually cringe?????? Im normally not an ashamed person and cryings just a state/expression but idk) so it was better for a bit until it wasnt. Then i full on cried in class while 2 ppl were actively showing me things/helping me do em right n everyone else kimda watched, kimda practiced. They did ask if i was ok and i said yes like a liar. So at the end of class i normally take the bus home with one of the other new guys but i today just didnt feel able to keep talking to him. So he also asked if i was ok/why i cried and i said i just do that under stress and why i am stressed (uni) so that was also a bit of a lie but only kinda. I said i was gonna go to the livrary instead (another lie, was gonna call my bf to calm me down abit n then take the next bus) so i did tgat n it kinda worked and this genius asked if i had eaten. Bruhhh of fuckin course im sensitive ive only had 3 baked goods all day and hadnt even noticed!!!!!! So then it all made sense, mans gotta get some freakin noursishment to keep their composure in swords class! So i went to another bus stop than normally bc i needed sth from the store and bruh the guy i normally take a DIFFERENT bus with is there (awkwardly votta tell hik i changed my mimd abt the library) and we talk a bit (i feel like i talk to him wayy too much in comparison to him, like we dont know each other that well at all, idek his real name and yknow. If he actually enjoys talking to me) and yea

So now everyone in the 14th century peasant larp class knows my terrible terrible secret:))):)

[kazewhara]

IM UP AND AWAKE BEWARE, and ive beought with me a suitcase full of cat stuff.. just- let me,,

Kitty Xiao does thta needing thing but with claws(just like Winter, my cat.. i do wonder if she does love me or not bc sometimes im awake and on a holiday so i try to grind on genshin but when in co-op she just loves to do the needing thing to my thighs and she’s standing and i cant see and poor Xiao gets killed😭 does she hate Xiao or smth??) ANYWAY we all know that Xiao uses his claws, but what about little Qiqi? Well.. she doenst do that, not bc she doesnt love you nono, but because she prefers to express her live through napping with or beside you. And by rubbing her little head against your leg with little meows of content and jwhsuwqjsqidjswidjwskdj definitely isnt a tactic she uses to get extra food :D

ALSO YES cat Xiao, like i said, is your little cat protecter. And he watches you from atop his cat tower for sure. mhmhm yes yes. And then there is Qiqi who just joins him up there for a sleep. Kitty Qiqi is just a tired feline. Has Kitty Xiao ever thrown any of your stuff before? Yes. Many times on during the days of his first stay at your home. Luckily it was all non-important and easily replaceable..

Kittie Qiqi and Xiao who come over to comfort you when your crying or sad, Qiqi’d rub her head on your arm or side, while Xiao would just stay still and sit beside you. Idk i just.. i like it when my cat does that..

OH OH AND AND ANNNNDDDDDDD- Lets say Cat Xiao can like turn into a human form of sorts, yea? okay cool. Now use your imagination and imagine.. Cat Xiao when human still has cat ears that match his hair, the weird green/teal stripes on his cat form become tattoos. Does he have control ove rthis power? yes.. no.. yesnt, sometimes when your petting him he probably lets out a rare purr snd poof suddenly he’s a human male with cat ears and a content, soft closed-eyes smile on his face. When he realizes his face turns red and he’d be back to a cat and avoids you for the rest of the day. :) He has clothes on, obviously.

Its always such a surprise when he turns back to humand and though he’s stayed at your house for awhile, you always jump or yelp when the loud Poof happens

Can Qiqi do that? Ehhhh probably no.. she’d probably just be a normal cat

-🦫 behold, my brainrot. Oh and, i remember that cat-human Xiao drawing someone sent. Imagine that.

suddenly reminded of the grumpy kitty!xiao drawing... i never did think about the idea of him switching back to a human form BUT THE KITTY EARSSKSJDNSJD 🥺🥺

god the thought of xiao pushing shit off of shelves out of spite¥#&@*#,#*# imagine spraying a demon disguised as a fucking cat with a water bottle. like that's killing me rn; he wants to look like a cat then he gets treated like one, STOP PUSHING PLANTS OVER-

and qiqi.. maybe she does have a human form but she doesn't like it much -- either way, she's often sleeping ☝🏾 also since she's good at retrieving herbs, can you imagine qiqi helping you make herb mixtures ... carrying plants in her tiny mouth BYEEYESHD

[yieniall]

question tag

thanks for the tag @textingniall ! @bb-bambam @dongbangsoojjp @jacksonwangtastic @showyourdesire @beummieyoungie do it if you want :)

1| how old were you when you had your first kiss?

16  2| What made you decide to have a tumblr blog? for 1d and memes 3| Been depressed: yea. but im recovering well and generally much happier :) (if you ever wanna talk or need someone to listen to, dont hesitate to come to me!) 4| how many people have you fist fought? 0 5| do you want to have kids? how many? yea :) 2 or 3 6| Do you want to change your name: LOL yea. ok so my name is “iana” but i would like my name to be��“ayana”, which would sound exactly the same but i like how it’s spelled phonetically and the spelling itself is prettier   7| Right or left handed: right 8| do you have piercings? how many? my ears are pierced (just one on each ear) but i dont like wearing earrings :/  9| who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom 10| do you believe in soulmates? lol i know i throw the word “soulmates” around quite loosely with jjp but i dont think about it a lot, actually! sure i guess, it’s a nice idea :) 

11| Zodiac sign: scorpio 12| Do you have a dream job? ok so when i was a kid my “dream job” (aka something that i would fantasize about but didnt/couldnt entertain as an actual career path) was to be a singer or actress lollll. but my career aspiration (aka what i am currently pursuing and think i will genuinely love) rn, is to go into public policy. currently, i wanna work in the government and focus on youth employment and social development. i also hope that i can publish academic articles while i work, specifically reviewing national and international policies 

^thats a kinda long answer bc it’s one of the most important things in my life rn and something i think about constantly. every time i read testimonials from graduates of the MPP program at my uni i get so excited (yet also nervous!) about this career path  13| A crush: nobody lol  14| What do you like about yourself: im filipina and i love my tan skin :) 15| Right now eating: nothing 16| who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my bff 17| Height: 5′0 /152cm 18| what is/are/were your best subject(s)?

law, economic sociology, political sociology

19| Met someone who changed you:

my gr12 philosophy teacher. i have/will always have the deepest respect and admiration for him. he was the first person to introduce the importance of intersectionality in my feminism and he taught me many invaluable critical thinking skills. he was so calm and patient and he ALWAYS listened to me. like sometimes he would give us study periods, and i would come to him with one question- and that question lead to 1.5hr discussion. and i learned a lot about his life too which was really fascinating. and then i would be late for chemistry and he would always take me to my class and apologize to my teacher for it. (ok needless to say.. pls dont misunderstand the nature of our relationship, he was like a mentor to me). 

^anyway, this is also kinda long bc i really do admire him so much. and i actually saw him again on my uni campus! i was like “sir?? what are you doing here?!” and apparently he was doing his phD. and it was so nice, before we parted he gave me a friendly hug and said “i’m glad to see you’re still happy and smiling” :’)

20| do you like someone: all my friends and family obvs :) 

21| I’m about to: go to bed!

22| do you believe everything happens for a reason? yes! but sometimes the reason isnt as meaningful as youd think so it’s often not worth dwelling on such things 23| Sports I joined: mmmm, most prominently: figure skating, cheerleading and swimming  24| what’s irritating you right now? nothing?? 25| do you give out second chances too easily? idk? i dont really feel like ive been purposefully hurt enough by anyone to say that keeping them in my life was me “giving them a second chance” 26| What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: maybe just wish i didnt lose my native dialect when i immigrated to canada :/ 27| are you mean? i hope not! i have my shortcomings im sure :( 28| Cried when someone died: when my neighbour passed away 💔 29| Blood type: O 30| If you could meet ANY Korean CELEBRITY (Includes Actors, Models, K-Music artists, etc.), who would it be? ahhhhhh well i feel so lucky to have met got7 :’) (no joke i think about that literally everyday) but i would love to meet them again and be less shy toward jaebum. id also LOOOOOOVE to meet NCT! and as for actors i would love to meet jung kyung ho and gong yoo

31| Birthday: October 30 32| Been drunk and thrown up: yea but LISTEN. my body doesnt take to alcohol well so im gonna throw up even with very little  33| are you scared of spiders? nah not really 34| What would you like to achieve (or experience) before the age of 60?

sooo many things. id like to achieve the career goals i mentioned above and id like to learn at least 2 more languages. and travel more. 

35| What do you wish for the most to happen? idkkkkk :o 36| is cheating ever okay? never 37| Do you have any pets: a dog!  38| When did you get into kpop and how? around september 2015 cuz i stumbled onto Just Right  39| Favorite animal? dogs! 40| Love at first sight: personally no? 41| how do you want to die? sleeping 42| Lips or eyes: eyes 43| Hair length: like? mine? to my boobs 44| would you go back in time if you were given the chance? literally just to relive meeting got7 lol 45| who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my dad 46| how exactly are you feeling at the moment? sleepy  47| Laughed until you cry: no i dont think so :o   48| favorite food? sooooo manyyyyy idk! 49| when was your last physical fight? never 50| Do you believe in yourself: working on it :)

[baekhoneyed]

tagged by @kokokysoo for one of those “get to know me” memes! (under the cut cuz its so long)

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (idk how many people ill end up tagging and dont feel obligated!!)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water but like i think my flatmates put vodka in the ice cube trays so?? not sure exactly how much is accidentally Not Water

2. Phone Call: uhhhhh a study abroad program advisor

3. Text Message: my older brother tryna convince me that i’ll make friends eventually lmao

4. Song you listened to: i actually stopped writing this to grab a sweater but then TT came on and i instinctively dance to it now so that happened

5. Time you cried: almost last night but like... not enough feelings to actually cry yet just wait

6. Dated someone twice: never even dated someone once, bro...

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i never regret giving my dog kisses but sometimes my cat swipes at me :/

8. Been cheated on: gotta have a boyfriend first to get cheated on

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: only since i was 12 years old  l m f a o

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i hate puking so i never go past being tipsy

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. red!

13. millennial pink fight me

14. rose gold fight me again

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yyyes but i sure would like to make some more Here, at my Current University

16. Fallen out of love: mmm not Love but definitely Like? i stopped Liking someone who i had a crush on

17. Laughed until you cried: so frequently it’s worrisome

18. Found out someone was talking about you: um did u mean middle and high school? i was such a petty bitch tho i put em in their places after crying in my room alone lmfao

19. Met someone who changed you: yes yes yes! dallon is the first who comes to mind he’s... no words

20. Found out who your friends are: ummm i dont know?

21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: ...my mom??? lmao

GENERAL:

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them except a few who ive just added bc we’re all transfer students to the same university this year and im Desperate

23. Do you have any pets: yes!! 2 cats, Harry and Kai (shut up ok i’ve always liked that syllable in chinese) and one dog, Lady my perfect cuddle angel baby

24. Do you want to change your name: honestly... sometimes yeah? but only because it’s so boring when it’s translated into chinese/korean so maybe i’d just change my names in those languages idk

25. What did you do for your last birthday: probably just went out to dinner w/ my family, but when i got back to my old college my friends and i went to a store in Queens it was such a good day...

26. What time did you wake up: like... noon probably lmao #depression

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: rewatching exo next door and gettin emotional over ksoo

28. Name something you can not wait for: THE POWER OF MUSIC BITCH LESS THAN 12 HOURS NOW

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a couple weeks ago when she and my dad helped me move in to my apartment

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i didnt have fucking depression! anxiety is easy to deal with for me but depression isnt

31. What are you listening to right now: walk on memories

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i have a 2nd cousin named Tom he’s like 50 years old

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ......so much

34. Most visited website: netflix/facebook/tumblr

35. Mole/s: one on my back, one on my neck, one under my left boob... i think that’s it

36. Mark/s: mostly bruises on my shins bc im clumsy; also some shaving scars from like 3+ years ago (one of em bled for 4 days while i was in china!)

37. Childhood dream: typical american kid stuff like ballerina and movie star

38. Hair color: medium brown i guess? it used to be lighter but it’s been getting darker as i get older

39. Long or short hair: i just cut it short again so it’s just touching my shoulders when dry (it’s wavy-curly so it’s a bit longer than that in reality)

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yeah can i have uhhhhhhhh byun baekhyun? no one irl tho

41. What do you like about yourself: ive got a great complexion that has really calmed down in the past few years! and i love my eyes ive got gorgeous eyes and a nice smile and a cute body and ive been doin self-love the past year can u tell?

42. Piercings: just regular ear piercings that i only got... a year ago...

43. Blood type: i never remember but maybe O? whichever one is the most common i think idk tho

44. Nickname: lulu is a nickname, ummm ive had a few friends call me em or ems which is cute

45. Relationship status: chronically single and repulsive to the male population, perhaps?

46. Zodiac: sun in pisces/leo rising (fun fact when i was little a kid asked me my sign so i said pisces and he called me fish poop so i cried) (he was probably a gemini the fuckin asshole), year of the tiger

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite tv show: pushing daisies, 30 rock, scrubs, grey’s anatomy but only up til the 8th season then it’s bad

49. Tattoos: i actually almost got one a few weeks ago but then i lost my job :/ i wanted to get “je ne regrette rien” tattooed on my hip bone real small

50. Right or left handed: right - i used to be able to write pretty well with my left hand but alas...

51. Surgery: yyyup wisdom teeth removal, eyelid surgery to get rid of some bumpy things, broken arm when i was like 1.5 years old, and im getting lasik next summer probably

52. Piercing: ya already asked ya doofus

53. Sport: my dad made me play basketball in middle school i got 2 technical fouls bc i had anger issues so i stopped playing basketball. i got Decent at ballet tho!

54. Vacation: we havent really had the money lately

55. Pair of trainers: i just bought 2 new pairs bc i ruined my only pair in seoul and had to throw them out (they got soaked in the rain and then mildewed n all) (side note: they’re so expensive?? the adidas and nike were as expensive as the new balance which is Silly so i just bought adidas and nike)

MORE GENERAL:

56. Eating: nothing rn but i need to go get dinner...

57. Drinking: did we not already go over this

58. I’m about to go: either to the dining hall or to a nearby restaurant im honestly not sure 

59. Waiting for: exo to move in next door to me only to discover that one of them is my childhood best friend-slash-first love and another has fallen in love with me and my clumsy but lovable personality :)

60. Want: byun baekhyun (im kidding kind of, um i want to make friends here and be less anxious about my classes and life in general)

61. Get married: yeah one day but so far no one i’ve met is Vibing with that seeing as no one will even ask me out im not Super Hopeful :/

62. Career: chinese major/korean minor at a university um hopefully after i graduate someone will hire me and give me money to do something i dont completely hate but we’ll see

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: i literally would not know so i will say Hugs because they’re the only things ive experienced! and i could use a really long hug rn

64. Lips or eyes: ...eyes... but lips r important too cuz i cant even look at a photo of amy schumer anymore w/out staring at her terrifying lips

65. Shorter or taller: taller but someone around my height would be ok too (.....im just sayin im like the same height as bbh...)

66. Older or younger: older bc im not about to go dating a freshman or a high schooler lmfao

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: arrrrrrrrms

68. Hookup or relationship: never had either but i think i’d prefer a stable relationship to some extent?? we just dont know

69. Troublemaker or hesitant: im a troublemaker when im comfortable w/ people/places but other than that hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

70. Kissed a stranger: no

71. Drank hard liquor: yeah it’s nasty :/ but it does the trick

72. Lost glasses/contact lenses: somehow no

73. Turned someone down: ya this one guy hit on me when i was walking thru myeongdong but he was a) a stranger b) 25 years old c) from egypt so like it was never gonna happen buddy

74: Sex on the first date: gonna need a first date before i can even answer (the answer would be no i am not down w/ that) 

75. Broken someone’s heart: probably not, ill dont think im capable of doing that plus im still so young that realistically it just hasnt been a possibility

76. Had your heart broken: not really, my silly crushes have all been resolved easily bc i never talk about them and then i notice things i dont like about the person and stop liking them like that

77. Been arrested: no but a friend of mine got arrested for trespassing on a roof in nyc last year lmao

78: Cried when someone died: yeah

79. Fallen for a friend: sort of? briefly? it never went anywhere it was silly

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. Yourself: i try to most days but it’s rough

81: Miracles: i mean im not a non-believer but i also don’t actively wait for them to happen or really put much stock in them

82. Love at first sight: im not sure because bbh hasnt seen me yet so how would we know??

83. Santa Claus: not anymore i think when i was 8 i sorta stopped

84. Kiss on the first date: never even had a first date or a first kiss ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

85. Angels: um yeah actually! proof they exist - byun baekhyun do kyungsoo kim jongdae kim jongin the list goes on,,

OTHER:

90. Current best friends: dallon, lilli, ida, stephanie, aria!

91: Eye color: light green. i have Gorgeous eyes!!!

92: Favorite movie: a taiwanese movie called Secret, i rly liked ksoo’s movie Hyung, Chicago the Musical... there are more but im drawing a blank

i guess ill tag... no one but if ur reading this and u wanna do it feel free to say i tagged u! i love learning about u guys it makes me feel less alone