#(yes i caved 💀)

[hwatermelons]

art student!hongjoong watercoloring you in his cold-pressed notebook while you pose for him on a stool in a dimly lit room. the only light source being the moonlight through the circular window in the ceiling that shines like a spotlight on your perch. he's getting a little frustrated, making tweaks to his work, wondering why he can't quite get your likeness right. maybe it's the lighting, or the anatomy, or even the medium itself?

he looks up to reference you again and notices you smiling encouragingly, despite sitting there in the same position for half an hour. the way your cheek twitches up with your expression. your eyes shifting colors as you blinked, going from their natural color to a vivid, iridescent version of it as the moonlight fell on them. the shimmering dust particles in the beam of light giving you an air of ethereal beauty, radiant against your dark surroundings.

thats when he realizes--there's no capturing the real thing.

[pastrycreamsicle]

my newest blind box figures 🩵💜

[livelaughloveluffy]

naps - trafalgar water d. law

a/n: every time i write for law, i always second guess myself until i actually start writing 😭😭😭 i psyche myself the hell out over here like "omg does this characterization make sense?" and it somehow always falls into place, but trust me, im stressingggg before i finish a law fic because it only ever makes sense right towards the end when my brain finally remembers "ah yes, i do love this man, i am in fact obsessed with him too" 💀

nothing but fluff here💗

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-he claims he hates when you play with his tattoos (he is 100% lying and you both know it) the soft and gentle touches of your fingers casually outlining the design of his chest tattoo is the one thing guaranteed to lull him to sleep. it's the only time you see him this relaxed

-this man is perpetually tired, however it takes some extreme convincing to get him to take a nap with you. not because he doesn't want too, but mainly because he likes to hear you whine and beg for him 😭😭 (and because he also hates stepping away from work)

-law prefers when you lay on top of him, straddling his leg or hips with your thighs, putting your full body weight onto him. he's wrap his arms around you, pulling you in close to him. and when he's bored, he'll gently stroke your hair, leaving kisses on top of your head. and he definitely pouts when you guys cuddle/nap in another position. he'll still do it, of course, but he'll complain while he does.

-he smells so good, this man smells like a deep bourbon whisky vanilla, sweet but also deep and intoxicating. smells so heavenly that you wonder how you ever slept without it.

-when he's really sleep deprived in his office, it takes a lot less than normal to convince law to take a nap with you; you crawled into his lap putting your legs over one of the arms of the chair, his arms around your waist holding you close to him, with your hand tangled in his dark brown locks, he instantly caves when you whisper "wanna take a nap with me, captain?" you'll be thrown over his shoulder and onto his mattress before he ever utters the word "yes"

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a/n: it's been a minute since i posted for my law girlies, so this is for you guys (law's version of the confession series is officially in the works)💗

a/n enjoyed this fic? here's my masterlist!!

[suntoru]

playing with genshin men’s hair

summary: lol setting their silky locks on fire

⤷ feat: diluc ragnvindr, kaeya alberich, xiao, kazuha kaedehara, bbg scaramouche, shikanoin heizou, tighnari, kaveh

a/n: ik i said angst… but i js couldn’t resist 😋 it will be coming soon tho

warnings: fluff, a bit of swearing, maybe some sussies tbh i don’t remember

─ ✰ DILUC might be reluctant to let you take care of his hair at first, but once he experiences it, he’s addicted. he absolutely loves the feeling of you gently tugging the tie that holds his hair after a long day. it feels as though the burdens that once weighed him down are being set free by you, releasing him from his darkness. the soft smile you give him as you inquire about his day makes the weight of his everyday tasks it all worth it. your fingers work precisely, making sure to never rip out a hair or damage it in any way. he feels like he’s almost in heaven when you massage his scalp and detangle it with the utmost care. he hasn’t experienced such gentleness and care in such a long time, for even a mansion gets lonely without someone to come back to. even though you know he could just ask one of his maids for a professional head massage, it makes your heart melt every time he shyly asks if it would trouble you too much for you to do it.

─ ✰ KAEYA thinks you’re so adorable like this. comfortably seated on his lap, legs loosely straddling him, he thinks he’s in heaven. your eyes crinkle in concentration, lips pursing together as you try your best to make kaeya’s hair look as good as possible. originally, he asked if you could help him to tie his hair in his signature ponytail, but it seems you have veered off course from your original mission. you stick your tongue out and squint as you try and tie kaeya’s pigtails evenly, slightly irritated that a strand was poking out and wasn’t fitting. he’s trying not to laugh at the funny faces you pull, only because you’d pout and sulk in a corner if he mentioned it. kaeya finds it so endearing that you’re trying the best you can to be so gentle, as if you apply too much pressure he’ll break and shatter into a million pieces. he’s studying every small change in your expression, entertaining himself in the midst of your little hairstyling session. when you pull back, much to your delight, kaeya’s even cuter in pigtails then you ever imagined. paired with your pink bows, it’s hard not to squeal over how soft he looks.

─ ✰ XIAO gives you the side eye the second you pull out the bright pink hello kitty hair clips from your bag, instantly dreading his decision to answer your call. not really he’d ditch teatime gossip with babagrill zhongli for u <3 “you want me to do what?” as if the answer wasn’t already obvious 🙄 his cheeks turn just as pink as the hair clips, then he vanishes with a poof, gone as fast as he came. he’s just flustered, don’t worry, he’ll be back any minute! as you silently wait for his return, you secretly spell y/n’s on the back of the clip :) when he gets back, he’s hit with your barrage of attacks, (puppy dog eyes n pouts) and he ends up caving. while you’re clipping the hair out of his face, he refuses to make eye contact with you, eyes burning the floor in embarrassment. you’re really going to be the death of him though, when you start to coo at him. “awww, my cutie patootie pretty baby boy is so gorgeous!” he can’t take it and teleports again but bumps into ganyu and ventitty 💀 embarrassed, he teleports back to you n he refuses to tell you what happened 😞 you try and concentrate on xiao, but you just can when he looks so adorable it’s not your fault :((( the pink kitty clips accentuate his hair n when he pouts it’s just ☹️ what have u created

─ ✰ KAZUHA would never want to inconvenience you in any sort of way, but when you beg him so nicely, it would be meaner of him not to accept… right?? he absolutely relinquishes by the way your face lights up instantly at his yes, a giddy smile you can’t contain spreading across your face. pulling you toward him, he kneels on the ground so you can sit comfortably while doing his hair 🥹 adjusts his head too so you won’t have to strain your arms. (boyfriend material™) he hums the tune of your favourite songs to fill up the peaceful silence that surrounds your room. once you’re done tying his hair, you’re a little bit anxious for his reaction. he’d never judge you, no, but… his ponytail is breaking free in some parts, the hairtie is tangled in his hair, it’s tied too tight at the base, and you’re sure by the time the day ends, his head will be sore. overall, it’s not your best work, and you feel you’ve caused more trouble than help. “y’know kazu… maybe you should just do it yourself!” you reach to untie the scrunchie, but he gently grabs your wrist and assures you that it’s fine, he’ll love it either way. standing up, he smothers your face in kisses, making sure to express his appreciation. “thank you dove, it’s lovely. now let me repay the favour.”

─ ✰ SCARAMOUCHE “what is the point of this? it seems useless.” sprawled lazily across the couch with his head on your lap, oversized hat long forgotten as he stares up into your eyes. he expects to find your true motive, the thought of you betraying him screams inside of his head. but he finds nothing but love and reassurance, no anger or resentment in the window to your soul. in that moment, all his doubts disintegrate as he ever so slightly nuzzles his head further into your legs. nails dragging on his scalp, you gently scratch his head as you read the latest novel you’ve received from a friend. the feeling is warm, intimate, mundane. it’s new, but not rejected, and he finds himself enjoying it more than he’d admit. you appreciate the peaceful moment, but what’s a relationship without a little bit of teasing? “hmm? oh, you don’t like it? i’ll just stop then.” you raise your hand to move it off, but scaramouche’s reflexes are faster. he pushes your hand back onto his head, a slight blush tinting his cheeks. “idiot. i never said to stop.”

─ ✰ HEIZOU loves the attention he gets when you style his hair. both from you, and other people. what’s not to love about it? sure, he sacrifices some of his dignity walking around with elastic bands bunched up in the most randomness places, but can that really be measured to your happiness? the silent giggles and playful smiles you give him while sits patiently for you is absolutely everything. he basks in the fact that while you’re styling him, he’s all you’re focusing on, loving the care you provide for him. he especially loves it when you put headbands on him, the ones with cute designs :((( or when you use a claw clip to really show off that he’s taken, this little bitch gets so smug at the fact that you’re protective of him. even if all the other detectives tell him he looks goofy in it, or the citizens inazuma can’t peel their eyes off of him, he still keeps his head high and carefree personality intact. instead, he just laughs it all off, and takes it as jealousy. he thinks that they wish they had a gorgeous significant other who puts this much effort into him. after all, who cares about other people’s opinions when yours is the one that only really matters?

─ ✰ TIGHNARI is practically obsessed with the feeling of your hands carding through his hair, massaging his sensitive ears after a long day of patrolling. sometimes he gets overstimulated by all the noise, so it’s nice feeling your gentle fingers take away that pain. he talks to you about his latest discoveries and how he’s so close to unlocking the full potential of a certain plant. if you’re not paying close enough attention, you’ll miss the breathy sighs and contented mumbles he’ll make. unlike another fluffy eared boy, he won’t try and resist you if you touch his ears. he won’t explicitly tell you he likes it, but it’s quite obvious given the lack of protests he gives when you ask. you feign ignorance for his sake, just happy that you get to touch possibly the softest ears in all of sumeru :(( if you ask the any of the other rangers, tighnari wouldn’t ever let anyone touch his ears or tail, sassing them if they even tried to ask. but when you do it, you’re welcomed with open arms and endless cuddles. you’re just special 🫠 collei is super jealous

─ ✰ KAVEH certainly is something else. for the entire day, he’s followed you around the akademiya, accompanying you as you make your rounds. as much as you love seeing his pretty face, you’re certain that his motives aren’t that innocent as helping you out. choosing to keep quiet, you just continue on instead of making a big deal out of it. at the end of the day, you thank him for his help as his chest puffs up with pride. however, when you turn around to leave, his jaw drops. seriously? not even a thank you kiss or hug? not even the thing he wanted the most out of all? as you collect all of your things to leave, he starts to panic. “b-but y/n, aren’t you forgetting something?” he stutters. “oh, you’re right! thank you for reminding me!” you exclaim as he sighs in relief. he closes his eyes for a glorious head pat, but is instead disturbed of his bliss from the sound of your keys jingling. he visibly deflates, giving up on trying to receive your affection. “i’ll be off now. thank you kaveh!” patting his head and giving a peck to his cheek, you run off so you’ll get home before it turns dark. doing so, you miss seeing his previous downcast expression morphs into a lovesick everlasting smile.

©hawkssimpsblog 2023.

[talisidekick]

wearing cat ears in public is so fucking cringy get a grip 💀

You know, I thought about this for a bit and I realized there's no funnier way to respond to this except with a tumblr poll. So ...

Not giving a "see results" option because I need your decision! Do I cave to the demands of a stranger who will never like me anyways or do what I love doing and be myself? You have 24 hours! Reblog to breach containment!

Pic for reference! And yes. I'm buying another trans themed patch come saturday too.

[imnameimswrld]

ⵌ ׄ ۪ 𝐊𝐄𝐘𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐍𝐙 ⁴⁴ ׄ ⑅ LH44 ‌˖ ֺ ᰮ

— DESCRIPTION ੭yn is been wanting to take lewis' xmas present for a spin ever since he got a new one sent from mercedes amg, but it will take some convincing.

— PAIRING ੭ lewis hamilton x fem!reader.

— FILE ੭ social media au.

— WARNINGS ੭ suggestive content, mdni !

— FACE CLAIM ੭ meghan fox.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ynwis_supremacy

liked by lewish44news, ynusername, and 878 others

ynwis_supremacy actual footage of yn trying to convince lewis for the keys to his benz.

View all comments

user yn liked omg 😭😭

user the ice-cream one gets me everytime 💀

ynusername trust, I WILL get those keys.

⤿ ynwis_supremacy OMG QUEEN 😭

⤿ user ma'am, you dropped this: 👑

user I give it a week before he caves, who can handle saying "no" to THE yn ln for that long anyway ???

user "lew, look, i will take Roscoe on two walks, everyday, for 3 weeks,"

[ liked by ynusername ]

Y/N baby 💋

...

i will take ros on 2 walks everyday for the next 3 weeks ?

Lew Baby 💋

cute, but no.

Y/N Baby 💋

OH COME ON LEWIS.

PLEASE.

just one spin, that's all I'm asking here babe

is that really too much to ask ?

Lewis Baby 💋

ofc baby, anything for you 😚

Y/N Baby 💋

c'mon lew-

wait... fr !!?!?!?

Lew Baby 💋

NO

fucking Russell snatched my phone

it's gonna take more convincing baby, sorry 💋

Carmen 💏

how's convincing lewis for those merc keys going hon ?

Y/N 👭

I am failing miserably carm.

I feel like I've tried EVERYTHING

even sexy stuff like-

Carmen 💏

OKAY YN !!!

on that note, g and I have an indea

Y/N 👭

oh ?

I am all ears hon

Carmen 💏

4 words girl

sex in the benz.

ynusername

liked by georgerussell63, carmenmundt, and 1 223 454 others

ynusername keys to the benz ? keys to the benz 😉.

View all comments

user HE CAVED.

georgerussell63 hehe 😎

⤿ lewishamilton something tells me you and carm were behind yn's little...act.

⤿ user UH, WHAT DID MOTHER DO 😲

⤿ ynusername shhh, i don't kiss and tell 💋

user mother brought out the big guns OO

⤿ user there's no denying THE yn ln

landonorris I'd say I'm impressed, but it's yn we're talking about here so

⤿ ynusername thanks lan ! 😄

⤿ lewishamilton mhm, thanks mate.

⤿ georgerussell63 oh suck it up hamilton, it's not like you didn't enjoy it 🥱

⤿ ynusername EXACTLY !!!

lewishamilton

liked by ynusername, landonorris, and 1 233 090 others

lewishamilton bought her own so she'd stop asking for mine 🙄 , happy 2 years baby 💋

View all comments

user DAMN.

user mother has a G-WAGON PEOPLE

ynusername thaaankkss baby 🙃

⤿ lewishamilton love, you can thank me with a redo of what happened in my benz

⤿ ynusername mhm, yes sir !

landonorris MY EYES

carmenmundt yeah, you're welcome lewis

[ liked by ynusername & georgerussell63 ]

user oh they did the nasty IN THE BENZ.

user goals honestly

[edgeray]

Unknown anon again. I'll figure an emote soon. I guess for know I'll just say uh... ??? anon.

So in the latest dragon Arlecchino fic, reader took a nasty wound yes? And well, medical supplies are hard to come by. So reader gets an infection in the wound and Arlecchino has to find a way to take care of them?

Dragon Hunter Mother Part 3

(Arlecchino x Fem! Reader)

A/N -  Part 1 | Part 2 Guys. It is what you have been waiting for, the long awaited part 3 of dragon! arle. Hope this doesn't disappoint! Okay, um, wow, hi ??? anon, 🏹 anon, and ©️ anon. Guys, why are 5 of the asks in my inbox dragon-related. 5 separate ppl wanted more dragons. 💀💀 are you guys starved of dragon content? is this what this is? Is this a cry for dragon content? You can tell how late this request is and I really apologize for that. 😭. What's that? More worldbuilding? Unfathomable. Hehe. Tell me what parts of worldbuilding you guys want me to specify / go into into the next part, because there definitely is going to be a part 4 at least.  Content warnings / info - follows part 2's events immediately, arle's pov for the entire time, mentions of injury, sickness, may be medically inaccurate, 3.2k words

You promptly pass out after Arlecchino came to rescue you, the two of you not even registering the intimate gesture that Arlecchino had done in the heat of the moment. 

As soon as you lose consciousness, clinging onto her form, she lays you down, checking for your injuries. Miraculously, you haven't received many injuries: just a shallow cut on your side and a deeper laceration across the length of your forearm. She tears one of your sleeves from your shirt as well as rips the bottom half of your top off to access your wounds. You’re bleeding steadily, and Arlecchino knows that stopping the bleeding is a priority. 

Stripping the apparels of one of the deceased dragon hunters, she ties around the cloth around the wound on your forearm, the one bleeding more heavily, applying pressure to it. Her clawed hands tremble slightly, careful to not nick your skin as she continues her ministrations. The cloth is darkened by the red that seeps into it, and she growls, before searching for another piece of cloth, using that to secure the bleeding. Once she deems that your bleeding is no longer a pressing issue, she carefully lifts you in her arms, traversing by foot to her cave. 

Although there is no difficulty in carrying your weight–her draconic strength still remains in her human form–the journey by foot takes several hours and she has to rely on memory for partway of the trip. It's no help she can not run or leap, not if she wants to risk jolting you awake and disturbing your wounds. Eventually, her children finds her. She instructs Lyney to burn the corpses so that there would be no traces, while Lynette is to search and retrieve your belongings. Freminet leads Arlecchino back to the cave by flying overhead.

Once Arlecchino finally returns, she immediately places you in the nest, bundling the wool mat around your body. Around the second week, you ventured into town, gathering the fleece of animals and placing it along the bed of branches and stones to ‘insulate’ it. While Arlecchino is not aware of what that means, she notices that it made the nest considerably warmer to lay in. 

Lyney and Lynette are already in the cave when you and Arlecchino have arrived. Once she places you down, the two creep up beside you, croaking and cooing in concern as they observe your sleeping form. Lyney perches on your chest, while the other hatchlings nestle between your body and arms, pressing on each side.

Arlecchino observes the sight, her human heart pumping rapidly. Seeing her children curls around you, it's a sight that she can never imagine. She allowed a human close to her, into her home, around her children. She grew attached to a human despite her best efforts. Had it been just two moon cycles ago, she would have never considered the notion, fathom the ability of allowing such, of enjoying a human's presence. 

Not since Crucabena. That despicable woman. It brings her great joy at the memory of burning her alive. She shakes the memories away, focusing back on you. After all, you aren't Crucabena–you aren't like all humans. And perhaps that is exactly why she grew a fondness for you. 

How can she not, however, when you’re the first that doesn't tremble at the sight of her claws, or behave cautiously around her? Perhaps you are a fool, no, she is sure of it, you are a fool who didn't know better. But still… how could she not, when you've fed them, cared for them, protected them when you needn't?

Arlecchino sighs, raising your head tenderly so she can comfortably sit while you lay on her leg. Gingerly, her fingers make her way into your hair, caressing the top of your head. She regards you with a soft gaze. 

How can she not grow attached to the one her little ones call ‘Mother?’ 

Ah, she is having foolish thoughts again. She looks away from you, before falling asleep herself. 

Arlecchino stirs awake as she feels the sun's rays peak through the cave's entrance. She notices your still unconscious form, strange, as you must have been asleep for half a day, if not more. Then, the closer that she examines your body, she notices you tremble relentlessly while panting heavily. Concern immediately spikes through her body, and she none-too-gently shoves Lyney off of you to relieve the pressure on your chest. Lyney protests the movement and harsh awakening with a grunt before turning to your unwell person, croaking and whining pitifully. This agitates the other two hatchlings, and all four dragons surround you. 

Arlecchino leans over you, scrutinizing every muscle twitch in your form. You're ill, that much is clear, but with what, the dragon isn't sure. Illness is practically nonexistent for dragons, unlike other species; there is little that can penetrate a dragon's scales. Even in human form, little harm can come hhr way. Humans, she had learned a century ago, are quite vulnerable and susceptible to nearly anything. And you, you've always seemed so frail and delicate to Arlecchino, even when she knows better compared to human standards. No matter how formidable you were in the face of the other dragon hunters, even you are human. 

Freminet coos as he nudged his head against your head, rough scales against your face but still you don't wake. Arlecchino tries herself to stir you, shaking you by the shoulders, but it's unsuccessful. You don’t wake, and your body seems warmer than it usually is–then for what reason does your body tremor like it does now? 

Arlecchino's heart pumps rapidly, rapid thoughts running across her head. What if you were to never wake? What if you remained this way until you perished? The vivid image of her crying children croaking for their Mother as you lay cold and still gripped her tightly, fueling her with something she hadn't felt in a long time.

“Wake up, human, wake up,” she demands with a foreign desperation, her brows knitted and her teeth clenched. Lynette nips at your arm, a futile attempt. 

“Archons-damn it,” Arlecchino grunts, taking you by the shoulder again before stopping. Her clawed fingers scratch at you lightly, faint red lines across your skin before beads of red manifest from the shallow cuts. The dragon pulls away, her hands turning into fists. How can she help you? She can't, not when she is so ignorant of humans and their bodies. You're not well, and yet she cannot help you.

For a dragon, she has never felt more helpless and weak than she is now. For the first time, she finds herself wishing that she was a human. If she was a human, she would know how to help you. If she was a human, she would know more than how to hurt and destroy. If she were human, then maybe she too would know how to preserve and save life. If she was a human perhaps you wouldn't be like this. If she was human…

She needs another human’s help. The realization comes to her and she stands up immediately. It hurts her more than she would like to admit, resorting to a human's help, but… her pride as a dragon is not worth your life–it never will be. 

Arlecchino tells the children to stay in the cave and watch over you, before she takes off in her dragon form, heading towards the nearby town with a bag of coins in her hand in her claws. She perches at the edge before transforming back into a human, wandering the streets with a cloak to hide her other draconic features and eventually finding the town center. There, she shouts and cries out for a doctor, flailing the bag of coins but no one approaches her. Arlecchino can feel her dignity deplete with every bellow, and her hope draining as more time passes.

Doubt begins to creep up her mind, as she ponders what it’d be like to live without you. She's already so accustomed to your presence, to wake up to your warmth everyday, your brilliant smile, your care towards her and her children. What if Arlecchino can never find help? What if you truly die, and once more her children experience another maternal figure leaving them? What will she do then?  She is not ready to part with you, not just yet. 

Still, despair slowly sinks into her eyes until a figure comes up to her, a small, hooded woman, with long, dark strands of pink-tipped hair, and a white ribbon over her eyes. How the human is able to see is a fleeting thought before she scrutinizes the person, suspicion and reluctance present in her expression. 

“You can help my friend?” Arlecchino questions, though she is in no place to deny help. 

“Of course,” the woman smiles cryptically. “What are your friend's symptoms?” 

“She's breathing heavily, trembling, and feels warmer than she is usually.” 

“Has she received any injury or wound recently?”

“Yes.”

“An infection then. That is easy enough to treat. Yes, I can help you. Take me to her,” the woman states, and Arlecchino obliges, as she leads the other woman to the way. 

“She is outside of the village, she lives in the middle of the forest.”

“I suspected that. Guide me.” 

Arlecchino takes the woman to the edge of the town, now at the edge of the forest when the woman stops her. “Well, aren't you going to start flying?” 

The dragon pauses and turns to her, her brows furrowed. Did the human know that she is a dragon? If so, how? Arlecchino made sure to hide all of the signs, hence the cloak. The dragon attempts to hide the shock in her expression.

“What?” Arlecchino gruffs with a bit of edge in her voice.

“You know. Use your wings?” The human suggests, making a hand gesture to emphasize. 

“You know I'm a dragon?” Arlecchino growls, raising a clawed hand to threaten her as she narrows her eyes. If she knows, then she is a danger, a threat. She can endanger her little ones if Arlecchino brings her to her home. Should she kill her? No, she can't kill her now, not when Arlecchino needs her, or needs your life more. 

“Of course, I do,” she answers merely. 

“Then why are you helping me? Do you want to die?” 

“Dragons that's come this far are rare. I believe it's only right to help fellow dragons, no?” 

“You are not human,” Arlecchino says matter-of-factly. 

“No, I am not,” the woman states with a smile. A pink light emanates from her being and blinds Arlecchino, the vibrant outline morphing from that of human-shaped to something ten times larger. Arlecchino steps away, as a large dragon replacing the form of the human, nearly as large as her own dragon form. White scales crisscross her black scales like x's. But most noticeably is that she has four pairs of wings, each one faded from ink to rose color at the ends, the wing bones covered in midnight scales while the flesh of the wings are colored with a similar roseate color to its tips.  

“Let me reintroduce myself,” the dragon says, fuchsia eyes glaring back at Arlecchino. “Call me Columbina. It's nice to see another dragon such as yourself. I promise no harm will come to you or your ‘friend.’ It's more beneficial to make allies with one another rather than enemies, don't you think?”

Arlecchino can practically hear the smirk from her tone, but she knows better than to reject the offer. Arlecchino may be among the most powerful of dragons, but a four-paired-wings dragon is out of her capability. Columbina outmatches her by experience as well as magical ability, and she cannot fight, not when she doesn't know how severe your condition is. What Columbina can benefit from her, she would just have to see, but you need to be treated first. 

“How can I be sure you can truly help me? You may be my elder, but I will not hesitate to strike against you,” Arlecchino snarls.  

“Why don't you just show me to your human companion instead of waving around these useless threats? I swear on the dragon's oath no harm will come to the human or to any of your things.”

The untransformed dragon contemplates on her words before sighing. A dragon's oath is nothing to scoff at; draconic magic binds the swearer to the oath, and if the swearer breaks it, heavy reparations are placed on the dragon. Columbina is serious about not hurting her, though helping her is still in question. Nonetheless, little can be done. Arlecchino reverts back to her dragon form. “Follow me.” 

As the two dragons make their way to the cave, Arlecchino cannot help but prod the other with questions. 

“How do you know how to treat humans? Why were you in the town posing as a human?” 

“A dragon lifestyle can be so dull. We live so animalistically, driven by instincts and basic biology. Why must we degrade ourselves to living as we do when we have the intelligence and consciousness of a human yet none of their weakness? Humans have proven themselves to be interesting. Working as a ‘quack,’ or what the humans tend to call me, has allowed me so many intriguing insights.” 

“You're studying humans?”

“Yes, don't you find such an inferior species quite fascinating?” 

“They are something,” she mutters absentmindedly. Frankly, she doesn't care about the other dragon's maniacal obsession. 

“Their bodies and mind is something I can toy with for years. Humans lie on such a delicate balance of relying on their animalistic features and relying on their intellect and judgment for their survival.”

Arlecchino just nods along. The two finally reach the cave, where the hatchlings greet Arlecchino, clambering over her back and arms. 

“Oh, little ones? How adorable,” Columbina coos, but makes no attempt to approach them. 

“Don't touch them. The human is farther inside,” Arlecchino growls and Columbina follows inside, converting back into her humanoid form. She strolls up to your sleeping form, crouching, and examining your figure. She places a hand on your forehead.

“My, my, my, what a pretty mate you have here. It is no wonder you were so protective.”

Arlecchino halts, her brain freezing as she comprehends her words. Her eyes go wide at her proclamation, and she nearly stammers out her response.“Mate? A human?”

“No? Though, I suppose I assumed wrong. She doesn't have your mark. Though, it makes no sense why you've yet killed her,” Columbina hums, unwrapping the cloth around your arm to look at your wound. “Hm, just as I thought. It's infected.”         

“Is it even possible to mate with a human? We are separate species.”

“Why? Perhaps you are interested in it yourself? Then it makes sense why you are so taken by this human,” the dragon muses, and Arlecchino flushes, shaking her head.  

“No, I was just questioning the plausibility of your suggestion,” the dragon quickly retorts. “Do not state such a preposterous thing.” 

Columbina smiles and turns to Arlecchino. “Well, I guess you are too young to know. It is possible, in fact our ancestry says so. We all originate from the same bloodline at one point, though that is about more than a millennium ago. To put it simply, Our ancestor mated with a human blessed by the Archons, and that is why we are born with magic in our veins, and have our human forms.”             

So it is possible for dragons to mate with humans… still, Arlecchino cannot fathom such a thing. Even in her humanoid form, you still are so small… she shakes her head, ridding of the notion. Mate with you? She has no place of even considering it when there's no intimacy between the two of you anyways.  

Columbina pours some type of translucent liquid over the wound before dabbing some type of fabric into it. She manifests a bottle, opening it and applying the contents over her clawed finger, then rubbing it over the wound. Afterwards, she wraps a clean cloth around your forearm. 

“Come here,” she gestures to Arlecchino. Arlecchino approaches you, and the other dragon passes her a roll of cotton material. “As you must know, humans are quite fragile. Hence, this human became ill because the material around her was dirty. It's important for humans to be as clean as possible, as it's quite easy for them to attract impurities that can harm them internally. Use this to reapply the wrappings every day. Keep it clean.

“Make sure the human is properly hydrated, with warm liquids if possible. Do not be overly concerned with how much she sleeps. Humans use sleep to recover their strength. Keep her in preferable conditions, and make sure she is properly warmed. Do you understand?” 

Arlecchino nods. “She will be fine just like that?” 

“Do you not trust your elder?” 

“I am still wondering if I should trust you. But, I can do nothing else but trust you. Thank you for your assistance.” 

Columbina grins, the same mysterious smile she seems awfully fond of. “Of course. I look forward to meeting you more often. I am glad there are dragons nearby. I'll be off now. I do hope your human stays alive.”

The dragon heads towards the exit, altering into her winged-form before flying off. Arlecchino sighs in relief, her attention towards you. You’ve stopped shivering, it looks like the trio thought to cover you with your jacket. Although you're still warm, your forehead was no longer burning up. 

Arlecchino’s attention is steered away from you when Freminet grazes his body against her leg, before squawking, making his hunger known. Right, she completely forgot about feeding them. She tells the twins to look after you as she and Freminet goes to the nearby river, to collect fish. 

The dragon, in her human form, uses the fishing net just like you taught her, easily catching enough fish for the four of them, before returning back to the cave. As the two dragons return to the cave, they're met with a surprising, but not unwelcome sight. 

“Arlecchino. Freminet,” you greet with a grin, as you're sitting up right in the nest, the twins cuddling up around you as you stroke their heads. Your voice is different, strained and it clearly takes quite a bit of effort from you, but nonetheless, it makes Arlecchino's heart bound. 

Freminet all but drops the bag of fish in his mouth and dashes to you, charing into your stomach as pleased grumbles reverberate through his throat. Meanwhile, Arlecchino makes no rush towards you, simply strutting towards you with a faint smile. Hidden behind her eyes is relief. 

“You're okay,” is all the paternal dragon says. 

You beam brighter. “I will be. I still feel pretty bad, but…” You glance at your bandaged forearm. “I'll be fine because of you.” 

You gesture her closer, snaking out your arm from the hatchling's grasp and extending it out to her. Curiously, Arlecchino places her clawed hand. Intertwining your fingers with hers, you guide her hand towards your face before placing your lips on her knuckles.

“Take this as my sincere thanks, Arlecchino.” 

Arlecchino does not wrench her hand away, instead, scoffing in reply before looking away. Her tail flails behind her frantically, comparable to that of an excited dog. Her cheeks are tinged with red. “Getting better can be your thanks.” 

[beartitled]

I think Normal Bill is almost just as intelligent and knowledgeable as his canon counterpart, since he had more time to focus on science and such instead of chaos and despair and.. just about every problem in the book.

Can he also still see through trees and The All Seeing Eye on the dollar bill?

Does he have all the powers of Canon Bill?

How does he feel about Ford and Dipper?

What would he think if he saw his parents?

And.. how does he feel about all the.. imagery of him throughout the world? (Remember how Ford had a fucking golden statue of him? And with the cave paintings.. and the dollar bill, the pyramids have a vague eye shape on them (since canonically they were statues of Bill until the top hat and hands fell off) The Eye Of Providence being a sign for God.. yeah it’s REALLY suspicious, I don’t think he really trusts the Pines family at this point, because they are horrible at hiding things, you don’t need to be an all seeing god to know that.

(Sorry for the long rant, I just love this AU)

Don’t apologise for a rant 🫵 I love rants, my brain just can’t comprehend them sometimes 💥

And also aww 🥹 glad you enjoy this AU ❤️

Okay lemme try answering 👏

First yes, absolutely, he’s a smart boi

His energy is just in the nerd stuff now, instead of chaotic insane vibes he has in the canon

Yea and I think he considers it normal lmao

“Wait what do you mean you don’t see through trees Mabel? Like.. I thought everyone did??”

He’s a smart boi, but he is oblivious in some instances

Not sure about all powers, but some for sure

Also this Bill walks everywhere, bc he never saw humans fly and didn’t consider trying (maybe he saw one human attempt it and decided to never try it himself 💀)

I honestly not really sure

Again not my initial idea, but remember one person saying that Bill would have some intrusive thoughts about Pines time to time, not understanding where they come from and probably feeling really guilty about those

But ultimately I think he would consider them a semi family to him

If y’all want a more detailed answer

He’s probably the closest to Mabel, bc she’s a forgiving person and treats Bill as a new person

This version of Bill would be in a girls squad and hang out with them during sleepovers (he’s a gossip girl come on 💅)

Dipper would still be cautious around Bill (as well as Ford), but would get used to him over time forming some sort of brotherly bond

Also Bill would ship Dipper and Pacifica, occasionally playing cupid for them during Dipper crushing on Wendy

He saw an opportunity to tease Dipper (and he said it would be a good enemies to lovers trope)

When people said “Stan would’ve taken that shot” yea, he would kill the child

But perhaps after seeing Mabel being buds with Bill, he just might be a little less defensive

It could both ways really: either Stan would be completely against Bill, but grow to tolerate his presence with occasional (semi)friendly bullying; or Stan would double down and just actively trying to kick Bill out

Either way they would have some sort of rivalry for sure

He would be buds with Soos and Wendy, just chilling with em on the occasion

And the last but not least Ford

He would be the most paranoid and cautious, not because he’s afraid of Bill like Dipper, but because Ford is afraid of “trigger the old Bill inside”

He and Dipper had an agreement to hide all possible information that could potentially remind Bill about his old self (all the Pines agreed to it too to some extent)

Were they successful in it? Who’s to say

Bill obliviousness saved em a bunch of times

And to address the elephant in the room: no, Billford does not exist in this AU

*booing can be heard across the fandom space* NO, YOU’RE NOT GETTING OLD MAN YAOI ON THIS ONE

🍅💥🐻‍❄️ *tiny bear screaming*

Anyway

I just don’t think it would be fitting in that particular scenario

Don’t get me wrong I like canon Billford (I love the memes and the fact that they are implied to be canon exes is hilarious), but canon Billford

This particular AU just makes the situation incredibly specific 💥

I tried to imagine a scenario where Billford could happen (like i dunno, they gave baby Bill to Oracle and then met his “normal” version)

But with the direction in which this AU went, I think it’s best to leave Ford and Bill with a platonic/parental relationship

To be fair it would be incredibly weird to raise your ex in a baby form 😭💥

But I never actually considered to continue this AU originally, so um 💥💥

I think Ford would just eventually start treating Bill like Mabel: he’s a new person now and to keep that new person undamaged, you need to keep a lot of information hidden (for everyone’s and Bill’s own sake)

This version of Bill and Ford would get along, bc they would both be nerds

(btw Bill’s design is similar to Ford, bc this is how nerds look 🤓💅/silly) (but you can adapt it in a way that Ford just had an influence on Bill, they have a family nerd look™️)

I’m still not sure what kind of time paradox shenanigans the went through to raise Bill tho 💥

This

Honestly I think it would be hilarious if he just thought it was some different guy

“A triangle… with one eye… what if.. naaaah I don’t have a top-hat”

Anyway thank u for the ask ❤️ hope it was fun to read through💥

[natailiatulls07]

The golden trio Final

Lando Norris x female!reader

Carlos Sainz x female!reader

Max Verstappen & Female!reader & Charles Leclerc

Summary - Being bestfriends with two famous formula one drivers is never easy, but what will happen when you get involved with yet another formula one driver??

Warning - swearing, talks of throwing up, invasion of privacy, blacking out

A/n - It’s the final, I hope you like it!! My Halloween season starts this Wednesday coming at 5pm BST, all you need about the season is here 🤍

Also Happy Birthday Max!! 🥳

The golden trio

-

yourusername posted a story

maxverstappen1 posted a story

yourusername

Italia 😚

Tagged: carlossainz55 charles_leclerc maxverstappen1

Liked by maxverstappen1 and 64,782 others

username What are Max and Charles doing in the first picture??!

= yourusername They we’re digging a ‘cave’ in the sand 😑

= username Ofc they were 😳

username Y/n and Carlos? No! Mum and dad? Yes!

~~ Liked by carlossainz55

charles_leclerc Why do me and Max get bad pics and Carlos gets a nice one of him??!?!

= carlossainz55 Cause she loves me dickhead 😏

= maxverstappen1 So unfair!

username I saw you guys!!

username Well deserved holiday 👏🏻

f1gossip

Spotted: Carlos Sainz and Y/n L/n are really getting spicy on the beaches of Italy. Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc were not there, suggesting a cozy beach visit for the two lovers

Liked by username and 1,356 others

username Good for them!

username Charles and Max were probably off causing shit somewhere lmao 💀

username Very spicy 🙈

username Ngl I think you should respect their privacy

= username See I agree but I love the gossip and I just live my relationship goals through them 🥹

~~ Liked by f1gossip

Gossip Groupchat (White: reader) (Blue: Max) (Red: Charles)

Heyyyy when do you and Carlos get back?????

Soon, idk how long

Ok cool

Why do you ask??

Because…um

Um me and Max are drunk!! 😜

This is why I don’t leave you two for long periods of time

Look Maxy is blacked out!! But I made him look peaceful 😌

Of course he is 😑

Hiiiiiii it’s me Charlie on Maxys phone to send you this cool picture he took!!!

I look great 😍

Might use it for my profile pic on tinder 🤪 The ladies will LOVE it

Look Charlie stay by Max, me and Carlos are on our way

Yayyy Mum and Dad are coming!!

I’m awake!!

I should become a photographer 🤩

I want to throw up

Y/n

Yeah?

I just threw up

Oh god

Yeah Y/n it looks disgusting

yourusername posted a story

username Carlos and Y/n being Max and Charles’ mum and dad is just something I didn’t know I needed 🤭

username IKR Like they’re so mum and dad coded, I LOVE IT

username I’m guessing we all saw Y/n’s story then 💀

username They’re gonna have such a headache tomorrow you just know it!!!

-

Tag list: @eviethetheatrefreak @janeholt3 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @namelesssav @amalialeclerc @eugene-emt-roe @skepvids @ravisinghs-wife @bellaturner @roseseraj @darleneslane @jpg3 @minkyungseokie @cha-hot @sarahedwards16 @madszoca

[ellstronaut]

[ ◉¯] tlougram [ ◉¯]

#just a silly AU

ellie is typing. . . ╰──╮

ೃ༄

[ ◉¯] ellie’s account reads like a tech-illiterate-social-degenerate

[ ◉¯] girl literally has 3k followers (boggles her mind how it’s even possible) all of varying degrees of sketchiness

[ ◉¯] her bio’s literally just her initials—ew (yep thinks she’s hilarious ) paired with “space is cool ig” [insert shitty space emoji]

[ ◉¯] tbh—she doesn’t really get the whole “influencer” thing (like what is she influencing???)

[ ◉¯] like the only reason she finally caved and made an account to begin with is because dina and jesse practically bullied her into it

[ ◉¯] which shows—her feed is a hot mess of random pics; memes, a random cat video she saved on her gallery

[ ◉¯] and don’t expect to be fed either—her account is D.E.A.D (you’d be setting yourself up for disappointment)

[ ◉¯] definitely the type to forget she even has an account

[ ◉¯] but best believe—when she does post, its spaced out between 2-3 months

[ ◉¯] maybe a handful of artsy-fartsy pics somewhere in between

[ ◉¯] but most of her pics are literally just sketches (she drew at the back of her physics book) random crap she thinks is funny, memes that only make sense to her, n the occasional trip to the museum/nature pics

[ ◉¯] and like a grand total of one—just one selfie (and yes she did delete the rest)

[ ◉¯] fun fact: she may or may not have accidentally liked one of Dina’s/Cat’s old selfies on a burner account

[ ◉¯] tried to do damage control by unliking almost immediately

[ ◉¯] since we’re being messy—(swears she’d kill anyone on site who dares bring that up but whatever) she once got a chat request from a bot thinking it was a real person 💀

[ ◉¯] spent weeks on end flirting and ofc had to gush about it (like the true degenerate she is)

ೃ༄

spacenerd: dude shes hot

제시: whos hot

[spacenerd has sent an attachment]

dinasure: uh ellie

spacenerd: ??

dinasure: gonna hold ur hand when I say this 😃

spacenerd: she replies quick tho plus shes really nice ;)

제시: bet

spacenerd: huh

제시: bro so is siri

spacenerd: siri cant say stuff like rate my tits??

dinasure: issa bot u moron 💀

[spacenerd has sent a voicenote]

▷ 0:00 ───|────── 0:30

dinasure: fuck no

dinasure: bro just block

제시: ^yea pretty sure @bot_bae ain’t real 😭

spacenerd: SHE SO IS

dinasure: chile…anyways so

spacenerd: u know wat

[spacenerd has left the chat]

dinasure: LMAOO cryingsh

dinasure: think u hurt her feelings

제시:no cap that is sad

dinasure: real like how tf u gonna get catfished by a bot and fall in LOVE 🙃

제시: YEAH bro really down bad for ( . )( . )

dinasure: PLSSSJH

[spacenerd has joined the chat]

spacenerd: IT WAS A GOOD BOT OK

dinasure: i have more chemistry with chatgpt

spacenerd: stfu

spacenerd: n D u dont get to come for me when u deadass fucked a twilight bot

dinasure: bitch its called rp

dinasure: n that was like ONE time

spacenerd: me when i lie

dinasure: i like my men less sparkly now!!!

jesse is typing . . . ╰──╮

ೃ༄

[ ◉¯] unlike ellie—jesse takes his social media presence very seriously

[ ◉¯] got like +8k followers (most of which are girls) cause that man is a snack (duh)

[ ◉¯] his whole vibe is mellow but cool

[ ◉¯] like his IG feed reads like an episode of Crazy Rich Asians (with the extra added thirst traps of course)

[ ◉¯] aka a perfectly curated mix of aesthetic photos, artsy shots, friends/family and ofc his dog Yeontan

[ ◉¯] definitely the type of boyfriend to post unflattering pics of his gf but not out of malice

[ ◉¯] but you know in a—i’m obnoxiously in love sorta way

[ ◉¯] he may be bilingual but he’s very much in touch with his culture—like dude got a bunch of pics of him back in the Motherland

[ ◉¯] ellie low-key tries to get him to teach her a few curse words in Korean but like 99% of the time ends up teaching her the wrong words instead

[ ◉¯] ofc his username is in hangul— (if anything it’s to make his mom happy—because yes he follows her back on Insta)

[ ◉¯ ] and yes he’s such a boy mom—dina and ellie give him a ton of shit for it

ೃ༄

spacenerd: totally know what that means frfr

dinasure: oppa?

제시: 죽을래?

google translation: you want to die?

[ ◉¯] it’s an inside joke, lord knows how many kpop stans flood his dms—in which he makes the point to block them on site (as he should lol) because korean he may BE—your oppa he is NOT

[ ◉¯] yeah—he makes it pretty damn clear in his bio “yall gotta stop with the BTS shit”

dina is typing . . . ╰──╮

ೃ༄

[ ◉¯] Dina’s THAT bitch

[ ◉¯] got like +30k followers—is the whole package; hot—effortlessly cool, funny, charismatic (it’s literally unfair)

[ ◉¯] ofc she’s been scouted by at least three modelling agencies

[ ◉¯] and her pictures? flawless—we’re talking gorgeous—goddess-esque—baddie

[ ◉¯] literally the worst part about being friends with Dina: is how ridiculously photogenic she is

[ ◉¯] can roll up out of bed, unshowered, bare-faced and still look hot af (god has favourites I suppose)

[ ◉¯] definitely the type to have the most engagement (via replies, comments, shares, tagged—you name it)

[ ◉¯] absolutely loves sharing her hot girl adventures/outings—fr the embodiment of hot girl summer

[ ◉¯] expect an assortment of her hiking, visiting galleries, cafés, festivals + parties, and of course her many different fits (not that anyone’s complaining)

[ ◉¯] bio reads: my mom thinks I’m cool

[ ◉¯] don’t get me started on her simps—if delulu were a person, it would be Dina’s cult of fanboys

[ ◉¯] one time a dude wrote her poetry—straight up typed a whole ass sonnet ( Shakespeare reincarnate but in simptongue)

[ ◉¯] in which of course her friends had to add their two cents

ೃ༄

spacenerd: its always ily but never

spacenerd: my queen i kneel, my heart it weeps 😞

제시: lmaooooo 💀

[ ◉¯]not just down bad— we’re talking the most absurd, thirsty/depraved comments—

whitedevil commented: Id let you ruin my life

christian.not.jay commented: feet? 🤤

chrislovesyou commented: looked at my girl and sighed

ೃ༄

[ ◉¯] imagine the heartbreak if they ever found out she has a whole ass man (cue what does she SEE in him)

[ ◉¯] so much salt it could fill a whole an entire ocean

cat is typing . . . ╰──╮

ೃ༄

[ ◉¯] Cat’s account oozes creativity—doodles, sketches, watercolour—digital art the whole nine yards

[ ◉¯] her feed is basically one giant art gallery—like an extension of her art portfolio

[ ◉¯] so if you’re looking for an artsy feed, look no further

[ ◉¯] def an alt girlie (lowkey goth/punk lite) aka dark and edgy but with a soft side to her

[ ◉¯] and by lowkey I mean a beautiful—soft, kind of morbid artistry

[ ◉¯] the vibes she exudes with the outfits, piercings, the makeup and tattoos? (Chefs kiss) high key hot but intimidating

[ ◉¯] not too keen with the whole parasocial thing— “eh it’s nice having people look at my work, but not for me” kinda vibe

[ ◉¯] the type to solely use it for promotional purposes that and activism (btw NOT just for the brownie points like would deadass go outside, touch grass and do something about it)

[ ◉¯] definitely advocates for the environment—supports charities and organizations who fight against systematic oppression (racism, misogyny, etc.)

[ ◉¯] which is one of many reasons why Ellie’s got a huge fat ass crush on her (if it wasn’t already so obvious)

[ ◉¯] proudly Asian—wears it like a badge of honour and is the first to call out racists (and homophobes) any KIND of bigotry tbh

[ ◉¯] her bio reads—“life’s too short for shitty music” and “gay btw” :)” y’know for the losers that might need a little disclaimer

[ ◉¯] not a fan of stupid Asian stereotypes

[ ◉¯] you just know she gets a ton of gross fetishizing DMs (like why do they ALWAYS have an anime pfp)

[ ◉¯] because ruthless she can be with her clap backs

ೃ༄

tagging my besties @bonnibelblanca @adhdprincess ily

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

“ C'mon... Would it hurt your pride that much to admit you like me? You definitely saw it coming. It's no surprise things ended up like this— you were just the last one to find out. ”

“ Oh, please— don't give me that look. You know damn well what I'm talking about. You've always wandered just a little too close to the lion's den... No wonder you'd end up right beneath its claws eventually. ”

“ It's almost endearing— almost. The way I just know I've got you wrapped right around my finger, even if you oh so desperately try to act so high and mighty, as if this didn't affect you at all. But no matter how far you try to run, it seems all the paths you take lead you right back to me. ”

“ More than endearing, it's hilarious. It's even funnier that it has come to this, and you still try to deny it. And you call me prideful... ”

( That little thing you imagined about what Leona would say was SO GOOD AUUGHH i always love how u characterize him... and as a professional lion brainworm holder™️, I can confirm he'd say smth like that... It was so good (and genuinely interesting!) that it made me want to pull out my lion rp skills. (??) Sorry if it feels a bit off, I'm not used to roleplaying in english 😞ᅠ— K. ) ( "why are you signing but still sending it on anon" IM SHY OKAY )

[Referencing this post!]

🧍‍♂️

cbjdsnmwwjgeidxjos I’m glad you 😶 enjoyed that dialogue I wrote…

BUT WHY IS KINGSCHOLAR HERE… I DidNmT sENd fOR hiM 🙂‍↕️ Out... GET OUTTA THIS HOUSE... I can't be seen in public with YOU, it's humiliating and, yes, a strong blow to my pride 🤢 Not very feminist king of him to cram me under a claw and bully a girl... 💀

*draws a line on the floor with chalk*

You see this line? This line right there? 👇 All the land beyond it is mine and what is known as an ‘Anti-Ojitan Zone’. That means you’re not allowed to be here. Go back to Savanaclaw, loser 😤

sdbkhlafsiybfayoifqeqef8yfeqep9nva advcm THIS IS TERRIBLE, I'M PICTURING THIS FUCKING ASZSHOLE LEANING AGAINST TRHE DOORFRAME AND SMIRKING ABOUT TRHIS, reLSIHING IN HIS TRIUMPH... FUCK GHIM I HOPE HE CJOKES ON STEAK OR SOMETHTRING

… Why does this give the vibes of you seeing a sad little shivering feral cat drenched on the side of the road, taking pity on it, and bringing it home with you to give it one night out of the rain… Then the cat really cozies up to you (despite being a shitty little brat that demands all your attention and the fancy cat food, toys, etc.). And oh no it’s so cute but you can’t possibly keep the dang thing so you tell yourself not to fall for its wiles 💀 But it’s a pretty pointless effort, you end up caving and deciding to adopt la creatura and decide to name it something really dumb as revenge for it worming its way into your heart and… It is at this moment that I realized what was meant to be a short analogy developed into a short story and I had to silence myself from typing more to salvage the shreds of my dignity…

[jahayla-parker]

ooooh, what about tom holland x reader where she's a huge fangirl for harry styles? maybe a smau?

British Civil War : Tom Holland x Reader (ft. Harry Styles)

Description: Smau, Y/n is a major fan of British singer Harry Styles, and it shows on her Instagram. However, her British actor boyfriend Tom Holland is ready to defend his position. Fluff

Warnings: flirting, playfulness, light teasing, shirtless Harry Styles and Tom Holland

liked by tomholland2013, hazosterfield, zendaya, and 6, 362, 916 others

yourusername: My tombstone shall read that I died tonight, from breathing the same air as @/harrystyles #loveontour #screaming

P.S. Dear Harry Styles, I adore you. 💕

view all 654,789 comments

hazosterfield: At least u died doing what you love 😜

yourusername: ooop 💀

tomholland2013: 🤨

nikkihollandphotography: looks like you had wonderful seats dear!

yourusername: @/yourbffusername and I definitely won’t be able to see him again from any other distance and be satisfied after tonight 🙌

tomholland2013: What’s this “again” about? 🧐

hollandfanatic17: not Tom fighting for his life here lmao

bananahanna24: please post your fit! Gotta see how you dressed up for tonight’s show!

yourusername: Don’t worry, my story is going to be spammed with more photos from tonight soon! 🤩

tomholland2013: glad u had a great night love xxx

yourusername: ty babe, I adore you almost as much as I adore Harry Styles 😘

tomholland2013: almost?!

liked by holland_maggie, yoursername, kristaholland4evr, and 1, 536, 975 others

british_boyfriends: I just read an article that said that @/yourusername’s celebrity crush is/was @/harrystyles and it got me thinking… they look pretty similar, no? #british #tomholland #harrystyles

view all 24,381 comments

yourusername: 😌 he is so pretty

british_boyfriends: screaming! You responded!!!

british_boyfriends: wait which boy? 👀

tomholland2013: not sure how I feel about this…

yourusername: ily 🥰

harryholland64: lmao this is great

yourusername: right? 😆

tomholland2013: 🙄

hollandfanatic17: omg the comments!!!!

liked by stylernikki, yourusername, harryswife1, and 8, 247, 916 others

harrystyles: Thank you for another incredible night! I’ve truly got the best fans!

view all 854,247 comments

styles1D: killed it again! 💚💛💜♥️💙

yourusername: omg he posted a photo of me 😍

harrystyles: @/yourusername lmao, ty for coming lovely, hope you had a good time

bananasforharry: omg dckkoufddjk he responded to @/yourusername

hazosterfield: I now understand why @/tomholland2013 is rolling his eyes while @/yourusername is grinning like a fool 🤣

hollandfan213: I’m dying, the way the Holland fandom has taken over this comment section is insane 😅

gina_2013_h: i keep waiting for @/tomholland2013 to comment about it lmao

liked by harryholland64, yoursername, hazosterfield, and 9, 744, 182 others

tomholland2013: Are puppies enough to bring you back to me? @/yourusername 🥺

view all 875,721 comments

hazosterfield: mate stoppp bahaha

nikkihollandphotography: Isn’t she home with you right now?

yourusername: yes 🙄 lol he’s just being dramatic

tomholland2013: @/yourusername am not

yourusername: I’m literally sitting next to you Holland 🤦‍♀️

tomholland2013: you know that’s not what I mean 💔

yourusername: oh shush, you know I love you 💕

tomholland2013: as much as Harry Styles?

tomholland2013: love? Why are you sneaking out of the room? 🧐

hollandfanatic17: ahhh I loved this interview!!!

harryholland64: bruv, he doesn’t even know who she is chill

yourusername: He posted a photo of him and I on his insta thank you very much 👏 😝

tomholland2013: irrelevant

liked by harryholland64, yourbffusername, zendaya, and 7, 619, 568 others

yourusername: It’s only been a couple of days, and I miss you 🎶

view all 885,302 comments

tomholland2013: I just wanna make you happier, baby

yourusername: quoting Harry Styles? 😍 ilysm

tomholland2013: @/yourusername anything for you darling, xxx

hazosterfield: ya caved mate 🤣

yln_holland_8: She went to another one of his shows?! Poor Tom is legit having to share her time with Harry now lmao

harryholland64: omg he so saw you girl ���

yourusername: ikr?! And he clearly wanted a hug 🥹

harryholland64: I…. I can’t tell if you’re joining in on the sarcasm or not and that kinda scares me lol

hollandfanatic17: Can’t wait for @/tomholland2013 to petition for Spider-Man to fight Eros in the next Marvel movie now haha

liked by harryholland64, yourusername, hollandstyles22, and 362, 853 others

handsome.styles: Harry Styles x Spider-Man 🕸️ for the rest of LoT, I will be posting various fun Harry themed videos on my YouTube channel Handsome Styles. Today's video is Harry Styles showing off his on stage Catching Skills

view all 54,371 comments

harryholland64: @/yourusername

yourusername: 👀😍

tomholland2013: Really @/harryholland64?! 😠

holland4life: Girl do you even know what you just did with that AI photo? 🤣

handsome.styles: I didn’t tbh and was v confused when it blew up so much haha. But I’ve been caught up to speed now, ooops 😇

hollandfanatic17: which Spider-Man do we all think that @/yourusername would choose in a universe where they both exist?

styleswifey_: not you kicking up drama in the Holland fandom haha

hazosterfield: lmao y’all won’t let him catch a break huh?

liked by harryholland64, yourusername, hazosterfield, and 9, 764, 223 others

tomholland2013: training as I’ve found myself in the fight of my life

view all 754,931 comments

hazosterfield: this ought to help you catch up mate 💪

yourusername: holy sh- 🥵 T! 😍

tomholland2013: @/yourusername See something you like, darling? 😏

yourusername:@/tomholland2013 I… I’ve got no words

tuwaine: I think this means you won bruv @/tomholland2013, Harry’s never left her speechless 🏆

yourusername: is that what this post’s about? 🤦‍♀️

yourusername: If this is what comes of me fangirling for Harry Styles, I’m never going to stop cause 🥵🤤

tuwaine: eww I’m leaving this convo now 🫣

tomholland2013: I think this backfired….

holland_t_wife: hot damn 😱

zendaya: not you trying to compete with Harry Styles’s shirtless performances 🤣

liked by tomholland2013, tuwaine, zendaya, and 8,335,964 others

yourusername: Love on Tour with my love ❤️ @/tomholland2013

view all 534,789 comments

tomholland2013: ❤️

hazosterfield: Trying to indoctrinate him I see 😂

yourusername: He just needs to see the amazingness for himself 🤷‍♀️

zendaya: Is this like the 5th show you’ve attended for this tour? I love the dedication girl haha

yourusername: it might be 😇

tomholland2013: At least the 5th..

tuwaine: can’t believe you got him to go with you

hazosterfield: nah, he’d go anywhere with her

yourusername: @/hazosterfield 🥰

harryholland64: Haz is right, i can’t believe it took this long for him to go with her to make sure she stays his

tomholland2013: @/harryholland64 watch the implications mate, I trust her

yourusername: @/tomholland2013 💜

tuwaine: yeah @/harryholland64, it’s @/harrystyles he doesn’t trust 🤣

nikkihollandphotography: Hope you two had fun! ❤️

tomholland2013: I confess, I get it now 👏

yourusername: yay! @/tomholland2013 🥳😍

liked by tomholland2013, yoursername, holland_tom_13, and 764, 983 others

styles_holland: apologies for the grainy photo, I wasn’t expecting to see @/yourusername and @/tomholland2013 tonight at LoT 🤩

(also I somehow missed capturing the photo of them kissing while Harry was performing 😭)

view all 54,193 comments

hollandfanatic17: It might be ‘Harry’s House’, but @/yourusername seems fixated on a different British man 😌

yourusername: 🤷‍♀️🥰

th_marvelicious: ahhhh the way they’re right next to the stage but she’s only looking at Tom 😭

tstanleyh13: Get you someone who chooses you over Harry Styles like y/n did with Tom 👏👏👏

yourusername: forever my choice, everyday, always ☺️

thomaspidey: does this mean she’s done obsessing over @/harrystyles?

yourusername: No 😎

tomholland2013: lmao no, it just means I’ll be participating in the obsession

justafan13: Tom supporting y/n’s fangirling over Harry Styles was not on my bingo card but here we are 😂

hazosterfield: looks like it was Tom’s house tonight 💪

Taglist: @theslayerofthevampires @galaxyholland @bigbirdstwins @mcushvft @fishingirl12 @raajali3 @justapurrcat @natswifeysblog15 @directioner5life @ell0ra-br3kk3r @laylasbunbunny

Tom Holland Masterlist

Peter Parker / Spider-Man Masterlist

All My Works / My Main Masterlist Navigation

[etheralisi]

I’m not planning on a third soon, but hey, who knows. Whenever inspiration strikes, right? Anyway, here’s part 2 of Rottmnt fake posting. 

Find part 1 here  and 3+3.5 here

🌎yes-the-earth-is-flat Follow

Yea the Earth is flat. What’s my proof you ask? Everything is flat.

#I keep trying to tell you all #It’s a 2D world and we’re all just living in it. #But do you listen? Nooooo

126 notes

🏒 HOCKEYORDEATH Follow

YOU WILL HAVE MY BROWNIE RECIPE OVER MY DEAD BODY

💀outoftouchoutoftime Follow

Then why don’t I have your recipe?

🏒 HOCKEYORDEATH Follow

… I’M PAYING FOR YOUR THERAPY

13 notes

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

Do not teleport mid sneeze

It is not a good idea

Sincerely with regret, me

🌫️mistyme Follow

… okay???

🌼i-eat-plastic-flowers Follow

Tp in what game again?

63 notes

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

2k into a Lou Jitsu Jupiter Jim crossover fic and I’m shutting the tab because he would not say that

I knew that summary was too good to be true

🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow

Shocking. You read?

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

Look, it was a pod fic but still

372 notes

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

HOT

🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow

SOUUUP

🎨 asprinkleofrazzmatazz Follow

SOUUUUUUUUP!!!!!

🏒 HOCKEYORDEATH Follow

CROSS BUNS

🥊 red_hotsoup Follow

HOT SOOOUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP

🌽 sherlock_corn Follow

Someone misunderstood the assignment 

578 notes

thehibernator said: What happened to your Ghostbear sideblog?

🥊 red_hotsoup Follow

Red doesn’t like to talk about it 

#Nine times out of ten your heroes want to kill you #One out of ten and they turn out to be your dad #Yeah GB is still cool but it’s complicated 

56 notes

👥shadow-slunk Follow

Out of ten how drunk were you last night? Drunk enough to hallucinate a dancing bull in a suit next question 

8,965 notes

💀outoftouchoutoftime Follow

Tried apple pie for the first time today

100/10

👺noomenisgood Follow

Where were you eating rats????

💀outoftouchoutoftime Follow

In the caves 

107 notes

🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow

Yes Atomic Lass I am single

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

Can you not

🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow

No one asked you to be here

43 notes

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

Update: Purple has blocked me again

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

Everyone spam his inbox in my absence. It’s what I would have wanted 

#revenge is a dish best served blue

22 notes

🐢daily-turtle-appreciation-blog Follow

I love turtles

🎨 asprinkleofrazzmatazz Follow

And they love you ♡

695 notes

🦵kick-back Follow

If no one has ever seen the seven deadly vipers move in action, how do we even know it exists?

🚀jj-sails Follow

You take that back

🌽 sherlock_corn Follow

Oh it exits alright

#🤫

3,399 notes

🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow

Word on the street is that Purple Game 3 will be released soon.

🥊 red_hotsoup Follow

Purple no

🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow

Purple yes.

🥊 red_hotsoup Follow

Have you learned nothing????

86 notes

wise-girl said: You’re a doctor?

🎨 asprinkleofrazzmatazz Follow

Yes. Here’s my PHD

532 notes

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

Does anyone have another good website for buying Lou Jitsu comics in print? Jitsujungle shut down and I still need to restock my collection 

15 notes

🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow

Daily reminder to double check your vehicle for stowaway wizards. They get everywhere

🎨 asprinkleofrazzmatazz Follow

He lives with us now

🎨 asprinkleofrazzmatazz Follow

He gives warm fuzzy hugs

481 notes

🌽 sherlock_corn Follow

Guess who got fired again

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

Me

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

The kitchen is burning 

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

Send help

🎨 asprinkleofrazzmatazz Follow

The what is burning??!?!!

#you are banned #you hear me #banned #square up blue

60 notes

🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow

DNI if you are a beach ball. This is a beach ball free zone. Any beach balls will be blocked on sight 

#not science posting #I may be hilarious but I am not joking

134 notes

🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow

The second I get my hands on uranium it’s over for everyone

🌽 sherlock_corn Follow

That’s the third time you’ve posted this this week. 

It’s Tuesday 

🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow

And it’s true. 

🥊 red_hotsoup Follow

This is meant to convince us to let you have uranium how?

97 notes

📋klipt Follow

Wouldn’t it be sick if New York had its own real life super heroes? 

#I used to love reading Silver Sentry comics as a kid #please please tell me those lights are superheroes 

688 notes

🌰that-old-chestnut Follow

Since everyone is discussing superheroes lately, why don’t we bring this old gem back? Reblog this with your chosen superpower. Then someone else will reblog that with a terrible side effect

👑titanity Follow

I can teleport!

🍗are-you-chicken Follow

You have no control over where you’ll end up. Want to visit the Bahamas? Too bad, you’re in some back alley in New Jersey. Have fun

🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow

#blue

9,763 notes

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

Nooooo. My Duolingo streak

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

It’s over. It’s all over. The end of the world you could say

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

Ah. Sorry.

10 notes

🎨 asprinkleofrazzmatazz Follow

Making a cat sculpture out of ice cream is fun in theory 

#my hands are cold cold cold #very bad idea #but if she’s not cold she will melt

207 notes

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

Thought I saw my sleep paralysis demon. Turns out it was purple trying to steal my blood.

⚔️ bluejitsu Follow

On second thought, yeah. That’s my sleep paralysis demon.

341 notes

cheesecrust said: is @ bluejitsu really your brother?

🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow

Who?

#purplebox #though this is none of your concern

85 notes

🛸 atomiclass9000 Follow

New York, what a town.

1,250 notes

[skittlespizza]

If fear and hunger guys had tumblr:

💰 veteran-funger Follow

Hey! Did you know the dungeons of Fear and Hunger have treasure in them! For the low price of 50 gold, I'll sell you a treasure map. Dm me on discord thanks.

🗡 cumhara Follow

@celeste-on-hiatus I'll be back in a few weeks! Love you!

🍇 celeste-on-hiatus Follow

What.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

I fucking hate le'garde. He keeps on having holy crusades for "Alll-mer" or something. MY WIFE AND CHILD DIED. I hate him so much. I want him dead. Sorry for the vent. It's been a tough week. I am going to track him down and kill him with my bare hands.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Le'garde isn't that bad. Calm down, the crusades had a purpose. Stop being parasocial about a guy you don't even know? Sorry about your wife but you gotta get over it. You're a full grown man.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

I added "Le'garde apologists" to my DNI, leave me alone freak. Go and kiss Le'garde's ass somewhere else.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

I will! You know, they say Le'garde is in the Dungeons of Fear and Hunger?! Yeah. I'm going there. Fuck you. I'll save his ass and send you pics of us together.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

Hey guys I'll be at the dungeons of fear and hunger for a bit.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

Hey do you guys like my dog?

💀 old-night Follow

That ain't a dog. It has twice the amount of eyes??

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

Her name is moonless <3

🗡 cumhara Follow

@celeste-on-hiatus how do we feel about another kid?

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

On the way to save my cutesy bf! Wish me luck!

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Found some people in a cave.. gonna talk to them. Maybe they'd like to hear about alll-mer. I don't think they've left this cave before :)!

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Um.. they did not like alll-mer. In other words, a blue haired guy and a small girl saved me! Wish us luck. And yes guys, i do love legarde. Idk what "comphet" is? Sorry. Is that an old god? I read about that in a book.

🌚 rher Follow

Comphet is an old god, yeah. He's the old god of denial.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Oh thanks!

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

Today I almost died as a sacrifice. Though, I stopped it because I had a vision. Apparently something inside the dungeons of Fear and Hunger is waiting for me. I'll update my blog as I continue on.

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

I hear screaming. Dogs barking and a man crying. I'm reading.

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

Something broke through the wall. I'm reading. Lots of information to bring back.

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

Can't get fucking quiet in this dungeon. Gonna have to leave this library and find a new one. People are so inconsiderate sometimes.

⚔️ legarde ✅️✅️ Follow

Day one dungeons of fear and hunger. They gave me rotten flesh as food. Not befitting for a man such as I.

⚔️ legarde ✅️✅️ Follow

Day two, dungeons of fear and hunger. They chained me up and this rather large man has been watching me. Help?

⚔️ legarde ✅️✅️ Follow

I hear footsteps. Maybe someone's coming to save me!

⚔️ legarde ✅️✅️ Follow

I think the guard died.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

I lived bitch.

🗡 cumhara Follow

Well I left the dungeons. No treasure but I got a kid I guess.

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

Still reading.

🔮 nosramus-blogs Follow

Still reading.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

How to do necromancy

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Why doesn't he love me

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

What is a "lesbian"

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Why do i like when i see girls kissing

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Le'garde is dead.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Leaving dungeons now. I didn't save le'garde but i found out i was a lesbian.

[kaiserposting]

Michael Kaiser, Alexis Ness — Food Analogy

PAIRING: Michael Kaiser/Reader/Alexis Ness WORD COUNT: 3.3k TYPE: Humor, Bad Flirting (it's never been worse), Rivalry WARNING(S): Canon-typical football derangement, tw Kaiser, tw Ness, tw Y/n 💀 NOTE: This is the Dog Walking origin story does anyone remember me hi?

Believe it or not, Isagi never took you for a nutcase. Can your words sometimes be a bit absurd in nature? Over the top, maybe? Yes, but the environment you’re in is easy to blame. Otherwise, you’re a respectable individual, if not aloof, always keeping a certain distance from everyone else.

This is all to say, there is no way Isagi could’ve anticipated the utter nightmare he is in the middle of right now. If there was, he would’ve ran away the moment he heard your footsteps approaching after Kaiser blocked his shot and gave him that shitty speech.

You seem to have witnessed the whole thing, and with Kaiser gone, you wrap an arm around Isagi’s shoulders. “Do you know what he said to you?”

“In German?” asks Isagi, confused. “No.”

“What’s so special about you that one of the New Gen World XI players is picking a fight with you, huh? Because it was the last goal? He didn’t even glance at me and I finished the course before you.” Your eyes narrow at him with easy, second-nature condescension. It’s the first time you’ve hurled such provocations his way. “You’re always hogging the spotlight, you know?”

Isagi huffs, annoyed by your attitude. “Try harder in the next match, then. I don’t know what you want me to do. I’ll devour you either way.”

“Stop telling people you’re gonna devour them, you cannibal. It’s so tasteless.” You click your tongue, bemused by his lack of style — no wonder you get along with Aryu — and then you gesture at Ness and Kaiser in the distance. “Look at him. He even has a servant. It’s not fair. I want someone to do my bidding!”

“Why are you acting so childish right now?”

You push him off of you like you weren’t the one who got so close to him in the first place, then stalk up to Kaiser and Ness with the confidence of someone on a mission. At this point, Isagi knows he should look away, and yet his attention is glued to whatever is about to ensue like he’s a spectator of a car crash.

Ness offers you a fake smile and reaches out to hand you the same translation gadget he’d given Isagi earlier, but, of course, because you’re insane, you decide the most appropriate course of action is to take out one of his and shove it in your ear. He blinks.

“You seem vulnerable and easy to boss around,” you say. Wow, what a first impression. Ness’s smile slips. “I’m looking for a henchman or a goon or something similar. Are you interested?” Then you address Kaiser. “That was a cute little show you put on for Isagi. For how long did you practice it?”

“It was improvised,” he lies.

“Sure it was.”

“Who the hell are you?” Kaiser shoos you away with a wave of his hand. “Third rate actor trying to intrude on my stage. Bo-ring.”

Isagi cannot discern if Kaiser doesn’t recognize you from the U-20 match for real or if he’s just pretending in order to insult you, but his best guess is that you’re going to make him… very aware of your identity after this.

___

This is, perhaps, the most insulting thing to ever happen to Isagi.

The field falls into a conclusive silence, everyone still lingering by whatever spot they’d been in during the game before it finished. Isagi knows he’s staring at you like a serial killer, eyes drilling holes into your side profile with utmost offense. The football-induced neurosis he usually gets lost in while playing is yet to wear off, which is probably why he’s taking this to heart.

Without a doubt, you were ahead of him at least in the final moment, despite failing to stand out for the rest of the match. You’d predicted he wouldn’t cave in and pass to Kaiser and got in range, jumping in between them out of nowhere, stealing what was supposed to be Kunigami’s goal.

Though what made your outplaying him so galling is that it was all a way of picking a fight with fucking Kaiser. Not even with him, but with Kaiser. His act of relenting — of not trying to score on his own because of concepts like rationality and recognizing limits — became an instrument in this stupid fight you’ve been picking.

Then Isagi watches you figuratively spit in Kaiser’s face because, of course, your obnoxious ass can’t just win and leave it at that. No, unnecessary amounts of gloating seem to be what you run on, and now you grab Kaiser by the chin and mock his introduction, “On your knees, Bastard München.”

This is the worst transgression of Kaiser’s life. You’ve addressed him like he is a dull, unnoteworthy part of a collective, not even bothering to say his name while sporting the shittiest sneer he has ever seen. He’s pissed, and all he can do is stare in confusion. Despite his long going career as an instigator, this response (to his general existence and demeanor) is still somehow unique and, worse, effective.

When you let go of him, you withdraw your fingers from his face like he’s dirty. You shrug, then raise your hands in the air in a victorious manner, and you look happier than Isagi has ever seen you before. “Ta da. All eyes on me.”

But the shitshow doesn’t appear to be anywhere near over because while everyone else is frozen, you’re approaching him now, unperturbed by the attention you’re receiving as if it’s your birthright. Like you were made for the spotlight.

“Isagi, didn’t you say you were going to ‘devour’ me?” you ask once you’re right in front of him, your exterior growing more complacent by the minute. “Didn’t you challenge me? Seems to me like I’m too big for you to chew.”

If nothing else, though, unbeknownst to himself, Isagi, too, is insane. He has unreasonable amounts of determination and loves when things get difficult just so he can chase the satisfaction of overcoming them, among his other eccentricities. “This was just one match. We’re one for one now. I’ll defeat all of-”

“What are you two doing?!” Ness asks through a tight, passive aggressive smile. You hadn’t noticed him closing in on you, too high on your own power trip. He grabs you both, one shoulder in each hand, and squeezes with a death grip. “Do you think this is your show? This is Kaiser’s team, not the figure-out-which-good-for-nothing-is-slightly-better team. Either behave and follow the rules, or face the consequences.”

“Good for nothing? Shut up, little midfielder, you’re too scared to stand on your own feet, so you have to degrade yourself as Kaiser’s boytoy instead. I guess his shadow is a comfortable spot to hide in with how enormous his head is,” Isagi says. His tone is so matter of fact, it leaves minimal room for argument.

“He’s good, though. I can see potential in him to be almost as good as Sae. I want you to pass to me, too, Ness. Right? You can emphasize my star qualities with yours, can’t you, Ness? I can shine on you. It’s fine by me.”

It’s like two predatory animals are staring him down, trying to gauge his taste through smell alone — you with your fake innocent, curious expression, and Isagi, who doesn’t seem to realize he spewed vitriolic insults with the nonchalance of a weather cast announcement.

For sure both of you would’ve gotten a broken ankle each the way Ness is gritting his teeth right now, but emerging out of his stupor, Kaiser intervenes. And when Kaiser speaks, he commands Ness’s full attention, rendering him speechless. He pushes Ness out of the way, deeming this a fitting way to insert himself in the conversation. Then he looks you in the eyes with a… smirk? Isagi was hoping his dolour would last a little longer. “I figured out what your role is.”

“I’m not interested in starring in movies made by incompetent directors.”

“You’re going to be my love interest,” declares Kaiser, not at all fazed by your dismissal. “I’m not that bad,” he continues, because naturally, nice people always have to declare themselves as such. “I can recognize when someone has skills. You’re my darling in distress, and I need to save you from the peasantry of Blue Lock, so your talent can flourish. That’s your role.”

You continue observing him with mild amusement like what he told you was normal. Meanwhile, Isagi is wondering if your stunt earlier gave Kaiser whiplash or vertigo or something. Maybe he went and snapped. Clearly, these aren’t words coming from a sound mind.

Even Ness, who at this point should to some degree expect Kaiser to be deranged, gasps. Whether at his audacity or lack of shame, it’s not clear.

“How unoriginal. Think of a better one.” You shoo him to decline the proposal. “Besides, you already know I’m more interested in your lapdog.”

“What?!” Ness calls out, now moving onto being offended. “Are you rejecting Kaiser? And you- me?! What?!”

Isagi’s entire face scrunches. Did this man seriously not even flinch after getting called a lapdog?

Apparently no longer finding this conversation a proper source of entertainment, you wave them off dismissively and walk away without sparing them a second glance. Isagi watches as Kaiser stares creepily at your retreating silhouette with this little infatuated(?) smile on his face.

What is this lunatic so happy about, anyway? Does he even realize he was the perpetrator of his own public humiliation ritual? Leave it to Kaiser not to understand that he embarrassed himself.

Ness runs after you, yelling objections, but at this point Isagi isn’t even listening. He doesn’t want to listen. Neither are you, if the way you’re picking your ear and not responding to him while ducking out of his way is anything to go by.

After everything cools down a little and everyone has scattered about, Bachira inches towards Isagi. Easy-going as ever, hands interlocked behind his head, he says, “You’re all psychos on your team, huh? Must be fun.”

Oh… Yes, Bachira witnessed all that… Everyone did. Isagi almost forgot. The vortex of the utter absurdity of this situation sucked him in for a second there.

___

Isagi doesn’t even bother removing his sweaty uniform before he approaches you, looking all determined. He can’t get it out of his head… Did you read him? Or was it a guess? You got there too fast, as if you foresaw what he was about to do before he even decided it. “How did you know I was going to pass to Kunigami?”

“Isagi, don’t ask me narrow-minded questions. We just had a match and I need to revitalize myself,” you tell him as if what you’re saying makes perfect sense. It’s like you make it a point to phrase everything in the oddest way possible.

“Narrow-minded? Could you stop being a pain in the ass and answer me?”

“Well, you weren’t about to pass to Kaiser, and you used to be buddies with the ginger. So, pray tell, where else could the ball go?”

Surely, it wasn’t as predictable as you’re making it out to be?

“You could’ve collided with them, lost your starter spot and cost us the game without even touching the ball. It wasn’t worth the risk.” Isagi isn’t really sure why he’s even saying this. It paid off for you, but he needs to understand the intricacies of all the ways his rivals are ahead of him just so he can overthrow them. You’re another mark on his football hit list.

“Since when are you so trifling? You’re losing me more and more by the minute here.”

“What are you even on about?”

“I’m a striker. I’m sublime. I score. And you’re asking me why I chose to score?”

Isagi tries to glean some hidden wisdom from this statement — there is none — but before he can at least offer a response, Yukimiya intrudes on your conversation by talking about something wholly irrelevant.

Yukimiya berates him. You fade into the background of this conflict, observing, while everyone else makes an attempt to de-escalate the argument. To make matters worse, Kaiser makes an obnoxious entrance and delivers a useless speech about how you all better follow him and blah, blah, blah.

“What a stupid thing to say,” you point out, taking a step forward as if to challenge him. Isagi doesn’t like that he has to bear witness to you and Kaiser making eye contact again. “We’re in Blue Lock. Would the world’s best settle for just surviving?”

“None of you will be the world’s best and I’m here to show you. By the way, I meant what I told you earlier. Don’t go fading into obscurity following the wrong king. I really can’t stand it when someone doesn’t know how to use their talent, and your talent would make a good accessory to mine.”

“The only king I obey is my desire.”

“You say that now, but I’ll get you in the end.”

“Did you walk in here half naked to try and seduce me? You jezebel…”

Isagi makes the wise decision to tune out the rest of your bickering with Kaiser for the sake of his ears and mental clarity. Still, he can tell there is something here which is evading him. If he can identify everyone’s priorities — Kaiser’s need to live out his emperor fantasy, and your hedonism, and Yukimiya’s dedication to his ideals — can he use this knowledge to his advantage and come out on top?

___

You’re fighting with Kaiser again. It’s not real fighting, though, is it? Isagi has become well-acquainted with all sorts of depravity since the beginning of his stay at Blue Lock — most often had been the victim of it, even — so he can recognize it with ease. Because of this, he pays you minimal attention during the unfortunate moment when he needs to waltz by.

But the next display of obscenity, he truly does not anticipate. He turns around the corner of the hallway on the way back to his room, and what does he realize he’s seeing? Ness peeking his head out from behind the corner to watch you go at it from a distance, that’s what. Why is he even doing this? He’s always doting on Kaiser, so it’s not like it’d be weird if he was there, up close and personal. He’s literally making it stranger than it needs to be.

“What are you doing?” Isagi blurts out, before he can think better of asking.

Ness startles. Apparently he’s been focusing so intensely on… observing you and Kaiser, he didn’t register someone passing by a few inches away from him. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before eventually coming up with, “I, uh… Um, I- I… Uh.”

Isagi almost lets it go, but then Ness says,

“Everyone has their… interests and passions, so… You can’t judge me.”

“Wait, this is an interest and a passion to you?”

“Um, I, uh.” Ness’s face contorts into that reflexive creepy smile Isagi has come to expect of him. “Yes. Now go away, you’re interrupting me.” Oh no, he’s becoming confident in his… Whatever this is.

Isagi exits the vicinity with an unnecessary amount of caution. He can’t tell if the feeling of someone’s gaze burning his back is just paranoia on his part.

___

Today’s bullshit: another one of your arguments is unfolding, and this time, Isagi doesn’t have the choice to feign ignorance. You’re supposed to be splitting up in two for a practice match. Obviously this devolved into an inane dispute about who the biggest hotshot is. Isagi, holding the glorious title of ‘captain of Team B,’ tries to follow the plot of this whole thing. Mainly to figure out a way to make you and Kaiser shut up and get on with the game already because your voices now automatically register as a cacophony in his head.

“I’m not going on your team unless I get to be the captain,” you say. “And Ness passes to me.”

“I won’t play midfielder if you’re center forward!” Ness protests.

“Come on. We’d be a hit together. Stop pretending.”

“You’re putting yourself on quite the high pedestal there,” Kaiser says. “Is the altitude messing with your head? Don’t give yourself vertigo now.”

“If you died on the field, I’d do a penalty kick while standing on your corpse.”

Leave it to you to escalate things for the sake of getting a reaction out of Ness. He shakes you by the shoulders back and forth while yelling something unintelligible as Kaiser snickers, maybe finding this to be an amusing or god forbid romantic mental image.

Why are they acting like children? Isagi holds back an audible groan or perhaps an onslaught of derogatory words. He’s not sure how to solve this, though. You’ve been going in circles for a few minutes now, and Kaiser got mad when you said you’d be on Isagi’s team, and Isagi got mad when you tried to steal his aforementioned prestigious title, too.

The debate of who the superior striker is — objectively it’s Kaiser, but Isagi admires your dedication to your delusions in the face of Ness’s sectarian wrath — continues. Then, it happens. Something awful to honor your skills.

“What did you call it, Yoichi? Devouring?” asks Kaiser, before turning his attention back to you, sly smile on his annoying face and all. Then he puts his stupid hand over your loony head and pushes it aside, giving a good view of your neck. “I think in that case, I might want to take a bite out of you.”

What…

Oh my god, Isagi thinks, stomach churning, and truly, he might vomit. The state of affairs has never been more dire than this. No way that demented freak just did this without any shame?!

You open your dumb mouth, probably to respond with a snarky remark (which will inevitably somehow make this ten times more inappropriate). Isagi won’t stand for this.

Interrupting you before you’ve even begun speaking, he points an accusatory finger at Kaiser first. “You’re a pervert. Not only are you a pervert, but you’re doing it right in front of everyone. All the time! What’s wrong with you?”

He stares at Isagi incredulously. “What?”

Next, you enter the line of fire. “And you try to provoke him into doing things like this on purpose! Just so you can embarrass him! You’re a pervert in a much more pretentious and obnoxious way. You’re enjoying this!”

“What the fuck,” you blurt out. This is the first time he’s heard you sound defensive. “No, I’m not. We aren’t doing anything.”

“Yeah, we aren’t doing anything,” Kaiser agrees. “Fuck off, Yoichi.”

Isagi ignores these protests. They’re futile, anyway. He knows he’s right. Even if he isn’t, all of you deserve this slander in his opinion. For a moment, Ness makes the mistake of assuming he’s been spared, but, “You’re the worst, though. You like it when they fight over you. You have no self-respect.”

“Wh- What?! But I didn’t even do anything!”

“Yeah, that’s the thing, suck-off.” Isagi grabs him by the wrist and tugs him over to his side, apparently having decided this is the answer. “You’re going to be on my team.” Then he glances at the two of you, and that part of his brain which he tries to ignore when he’s not on the field sends a spark of joy and satisfaction coursing through his veins at the unadulterated indignation on your faces. “Deal with each other, yeah? Since you’re so inseparable.”

Noa tells everyone to hurry up, and the rest of the spectators mutter in agreement before Ness can even regain his senses and put up a fight. His eyes are wide and glossy, his jaw is hanging, and he is looking at Kaiser and then at you and then back at Kaiser with the sadness of a character in a Shakespearean play.

Kaiser looks like he is about to pop several blood vessels.

You huff, cross your arms, and pout. Why does Isagi always win?!

___

Thyere so embarrassing omfg im laugihing so hard

[sereneres]

“parentz/minyn’s ‘honey mo…” ¹˙⁵

kim minji x 6th member!reader / 1.5k

summary. — “parentz/minyn’s ‘honey moon’, ‘parents’, and ‘divorced’ eras in 7 minutes and 22 seconds.”

warnings. — this is formatted like a youtube video, similar to this by @/jihyoruri / all of the members are in this

🎬 — honeymoon era

“wow.” hanni said, shaking her head in mock disappointment as she clicked her tongue at the sigh before her. “we’re in public, guys, try to have some decency.”

the camera panned to you sitting on minji’s lap, the latter’s head on your shoulder.

[ayo?? 🤨🤨🤨]

“i’m only sitting on her lap, unnie.” you told the girl, exasperated. “and besides, you were sitting on minji-unnie’s lap literally a few minutes ago.”

“yeah, but she wasn’t holding me like that.” the vietnamese pointed at minji’s arms, which were around your waist, and her hands, which were folded on top of your stomach.

[parentz caught in 4k 📸]

“that’s because she kept sliding off.” minji argued, readjusting her hold on you. “she’s taller than you are, hanni, and her pants are more slippery compared to yours.”

“my pants and her pants are literally made out of the same material, unnie.” hanni said, rolling her eyes. “if you’re going to make up an excuse, at least make up a good one.”

“i think it’s less about the pants and more about our height, hanni-unnie.” you said, smiling innocently at the older girl.

“hey, i’m not that short-”

“but you are, unnie – you’re literally the shortest member of our group.”

[yn was not playing around whatsoever 💀]

“just let me pay for it, minji-unnie.”

the older girl scoffed, gently pushing your hand away from the cashier. “as your unnie, yn, i can’t let you do that. let me pay for it.”

[she really used the ‘i’m older’ card lol-]

“this type of thing happens all the time.” hyein commented, shaking her head. “you’d think that one of them would cave and just let the other pay, but that never happens.”

“yah, you guys are holding up the line!” hanni said, gesturing to the growing line behind the group. “hurry it up already!”

[those people do not look happy lmfao]

“why not do do rock paper scissors?” danielle suggested. “whoever loses can pay the next time.”

[danielle is newjeans’ angel, both figuratively and literally]

“alright. rock, paper, scissors-”

you, having closed your eyes, peaked them open to see that minji had picked rock and that you had picked paper.

“ah…”

“woo!” you cheered, turning to the tired-looking cashier and handing him the money. “thank you! sorry for holding up the line!”

[he looks so tired of them 💀]

“i should’ve picked scissors.” minji pouted as the six – seven, including the cameraman – of you walked out the store. you giggled, linking your arms together and resting your head on her shoulder. “don’t be sad, unnie, you can pay next time, like dani-unnie said.”

[ngl, this makes me feel single asf 🫠]

“by the way,” haerin said to the camera, her voice low and barely being picked up by the mic. “it’s not even their money they’re spending. it’s manager-unnie’s.”

[oop- 🫢]

🎬 — parents era

“-and that’s a wrap! good job, yn-ah. you nailed it today.”

“thank you.” you murmur, taking off your headphones. “oh, and before i leave, i’d like to tell you that hyein currently has a cold, so please be patient with her today.”

[aaaaaaaa yn &lt;333]

“yes, i’m aware, minji also told me about her cold while she was here.” your ceo told you, clearly amused.

“ah, she did?” you asked, cheeks flushing a light pink. “she didn’t mention doing so.”

“yes, she did.” the older woman said as she chuckled. “she even told me to be patient as well.”

[hyein’s parents love her so much lol]

“have you guys eaten yet?” (hanni)

“du-du~ bam-bam-baaa~ *insert opera singing here*” (danielle??? in the background)

“…most of them are saying that they have.” (haerin)

“that’s good! it’s almost, like, 8 o’clock right now, so it would be pretty worrying if they haven’t eaten yet. for those who haven’t eaten, make sure you eat something soon!” (danielle)

[danielle is an angel x2]

“‘have you eaten?’”(haerin)

“not yet. we just came back to the dorms like, an hour ago from practice, so…” (danielle)

“we were going to get some take out, but then minji-unnie and yn said that we’ve already gotten take-out three times this week.” (hanni)

“both yn-unnie and minji-unnie are currently in the kitchen making food for us to eat, and hyein is helping them, i think.” (haerin)

[i don’t think i need to say much about this lol]

soon after that, yn also went on an audio live.

“‘you take care of your unnies and younger members so well that they probably think of you as their mom.’ really?”

[yes, really.]

“huh, i never realized i was like that. if anything, i thought you guys would say that about minji-unnie. she’s the one with all the ‘minji being newjeans’ mother’ videos…”

[oh shit, has she seen my videos?? *insert shameless self plug here*]

“anyway, i never saw myself as a ‘mom’ figure to anyone. hyein, maybe, but she’s our maknae, so…”

🎬 — divorced era (which didn’t really last long tbh)

“they’re asking what we did earlier today.” haerin reported, moving back from the camera so that your fans wouldn't just be looking at her eyes and nose throughout the entire live.

“well, we had practice of course,” danielle said, lips pursing as she tried to remember what the six of you had done. “and after that…”

“we went out to eat for the first time in like, months.” hanni finished, smiling cheekily. “it was soooo good.”

“we ate went out to eat just last week, hanni-unnie.” you said, smacking the older girl’s arm playfully. she laughed before jokingly rubbed her arm, mouthing the word ow to the camera.

[hanni and yn, the second tom and jerry of newjeans lol]

“oh, and this was the first time yn-unnie and minji-unnie didn’t argue over the bill!” hyein remarked, scrolling through the comments on her phone. “minji-unnie just gave the money to the cashier and yn-unnie didn’t even say anything.”

[trouble in paradise?]

“oh yeah, that was pretty weird.” hanni said, discretely nudging hyein. “it’s like, never happened before, so we were all pretty surprised.”

“well, there’s always a first time for everything.” danielle murmured quietly, glancing at both yn and minji before saying in a louder voice, “the food was really good though. it was sort of pricey, but good.”

[smooth dani to the rescue.]

“man, we saw so many binky light sticks at the music show,” hanni said, sighing happily. “we really enjoyed seeing you guys there, and i hope you guys managed to get some of the gifts we gave out!”

“oh, someone asked, ‘what gifts?’.” danielle said, pointing at the comment on her phone and showing yn and haerin, who were sitting beside her. “yn-ssi, why don’t you tell us about the gifts hanni-nim was talking about?”

amused, you decided to play along, even going so far as to grab your water bottle and place it under your mouth as if it were a mic.

“well, danielle-nim, the gifts hanni-nim was talking about are distributed at a certain location near the venue of our music shows.” you say, picking up your phone. “and if you follow our twitter, newjeans-underscore-ador, you will get tweets on where these locations are, like this one.”

you raise your phone to the camera, showing off the tweet that had been posted that morning.

“…what kind of broadcast is this?” hyein asked from behind the two of you, staring judgementally at you and danielle.

you both laugh, startling haerin which made the two of you laugh harder. behind you, minji was spaced out, a undiscernible look in her eyes. hanni sighed, placing a hand on her shoulder with a sympathetic look on her face.

[there is no heterosexual explanation for either of those actions lmfao]

“moving on,” you say, pulling your phone back as your laughter gradually turned into giggles. “hanni-unnie is right. seeing all your binky light sticks really made my day!”

“‘they looked like hearts’.” haerin read out loud before nodding her agreement. “they did look like hearts – tiny, colorful, glowing hearts.”

“hearts…” you repeat, mindlessly raising your hand and creating half of a heart with it. instead of completing the heart with her own hand as she normally did, though, all minji did was stare at it blankly.

[oh- that’s not good.]

fortunately, haerin noticed your hand awkwardly hanging in the air and shifted towards you subtly, looking at the camera as she moved her hand to yours to complete the heart.

you smile at her thankfully, though it's obvious that you were a little upset by minji’s actions, or rather, a lack thereof.

[ㅠㅠ]

🎬 — and here's a bonus clip of just the two of them talking about their ‘divorce’ lol

“some people are asking about our… divorce??” (yn)

“we had a divorce?… wait, we were married????” (minji)

[am i the only person who thinks minji asking that was funny?]

“i think it’s our ship name, unnie. y’know, ‘parentz’?” (yn)

“oh yeah, that… why are they saying we got a divorce??” (minji)

“apparently, we looked upset with each other last week during the live.” (yn)

“ah, yeah, last week…” (minji)

“sorry guys, we can't talk about it too much ‘cuz it was pretty personal and not something we’d like to share, but don’t worry. we weren't angry at each other or anything, minji-unnie was just worried about me.” (yn)

“worried is an understatement.” (minji)

“anyway, as i said, don't worry. minji-unnie and i are perfectly fine now!” (yn)

“describe ‘perfectly fine’.” (minji)

“…”

“okay, okay, sorry, honey, i won’t joke about it again, stop glaring at me like that.” (minji)

“…”

“*ahem* moving on…” (minji)

[lol someone’s sleeping on the couch tonight – AND DID YOU CATCH WHAT MINJI SAID?? ‘honey’?!? anyway, thank you for watching, make sure to like and subscribe, and i’ll see you next time <3]

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