#(yes I’m also aware this post is old but shhhh)

[stevenbasic]

Growing into the Job, Post 403: Sock Puppets

“Gooood morning…good morning Dr. Jjjjjjj…” I was awakened by, of all things, a boop on the nose. My face scrunched up, Melissa's voice cutting through the fog of my deep slumber. When I dared to open my eyes, just a slit at first but then wider, what I saw wasn’t Melissa’s face greeting me, but instead the thing that booped me on the nose. “Time to wake up for me, Mr. Sleepyhead!” it said. 

A sock, one of mine. On her hand. A sock puppet. 

Melissa giggled, and booped me again, this time grabbing my nose like the sock puppet was biting me. 

“Rrrrr!” she growled, pretending to be the puppet, speaking for it in a weirdly comic voice and using her fingers inside it to open and close like its mouth, “Me hungry!”

My body ached, arguing and unwilling to be pulled from its stupor. It was an abrupt awakening, and I was trying my best to blink myself awake. Morning, maybe soon after sunrise. The sock puppet - thin, light gray, from the dress pair I’d worn yesterday for the photoshoot - danced and wiggled in front of me. I was laying on my back, she on her right side next to me on my left. I couldn’t help but smile a little at her antics, trying not to think too much that this was like a mother with a two-year old. 

“Me want breakfast!”

She giggled again, delighted at her little game. It was so early!

“Want you for breakfast!” it said, and dove into my neck. 

“Melissa!” I laughed, “Stop!” That tickled!

As I struggled to come more to life, I was aware of a weird taste in my mouth, like I hadn’t brushed my teeth in a long time. Which I guess I didn’t last night, but this was particularly…I don't know…sour? Also, wow, I was exhausted. I could barely move and - double wow. My nethers were sore. Like I’d been put through a wringer. How many times last night had we..?

“Nom nom nom, nom nom nom!” the sock puppet sang, taking nibbles of me, tickly, making me squirm and laugh. My neck - “nom nom…” my chest - “nom nom…” and, having pushed the covers aside, my morning wood - “nom NOM!”

“Nnnnghhh…ughh…!” I was sore. “Melissa, ouch,” I pleaded, half-laughing, my hand reaching down to stay her, grabbing her at the forearm. My sock, built to fit my size-6 foot, barely made it to her wrist. 

“Oooo Melisssssy is so sorry!” the sock puppet apologized, backing off my how-the-hell-can-I-still-be-hard cock, “She made you do sexy too many times? When you sleepy-sleep?”

When I slept? “Wait what?”

“Yes yes Melissssy eat, eat you, five times, nom nom nom!” the sock-thing announced, dancing animatedly above my face, “and you getted to do milk. Melissssy eat, you eat, but sock hungry still!!”

‘Getted to do milk’? And…? “F-five times?”

“Yes, sweetie, five times <giggle!>, while you were sleeping,” Melissa answered, now in her own voice, “You seemed like you needed it. You were so full up!”

Oh my god what the hell. 

“But I’m sorry if it was too much,” she apologized, her pout not able to hide a proud little smirk, like she wasn’t really all that sorry. She started to peel the sock off her wrist. “You slept right through them.”

So…she’d given me blow jobs? In my sleep?? Five of them?!? “Jesus, Melissa…” I muttered, incredulous.. 

“Language,” she scolded. 

What? Now I’m not allowed to swear? 

“Did the monkeys disturb you last night?” she asked, sock now off her hand. 

“The…what?”

“The monkeys, the boys I had come over to fix things downstairs. We made a mess, you and me,” she answered, pausing for a second. Listening to something. “They’re still here, I’m pretty sure. Finishing up.” 

She’d taken the sock, unrolled it again

“‘The boys’? Like, the construction guys from the office?” I asked. Maybe I did hear them? I seemed to recall vague dreams, men chanting. “How d- Nnngh!!”

I groaned when she slid the sock down over my erection. 

“M-Melissa what-?”

“Shhhh…” she giggled, smoothing the thin sock over me, “You’re sore. This is soft.” She grabbed my sock-sheathed sword, causing my hips to buck. “Feel nice?”

I groaned again, eyes fluttering. Oh my god yes but I’m so tired. 

“Noooooo…!” she sang, suddenly scooching up and leaning in, bringing her face to inches from mine, above me. Her hair, a huge, huge thick blanket of it covered us. “No sleeping! Not just yet!” she whined, pouting again, “Talk to me. Just for a minute. I’ve been laying here all night looking at you, but I have to go to work soon.”

Work? oh man. It’s like, what? Thursday?

Her left hand was aside my pillow, supporting her weight, her right hand still held my overworked cock. She gave it a squeeze.  

Nnngh oh god Whoah. Stars in front of my eyes, my lids fluttering again. 

“I don't like how sleepy you are,” she complained, girlishly, “I have to learn not to feed you so late.” She shook her head of hair a bit, settled it even more luxuriously about me. This woman knew how to keep a man interested, but what was she saying?. 

My brow furrowed. Feed me? What did she mean by that? I’d barely eaten anything last night, right? Though, this weird taste in my mouth?

Whatever confusion I had around these cryptic comments quickly faded as I looked up at her. Here, in the morning, sunlight filtering transcendently through her soft dark hair, she was absolutely stunning. Gorgeous, and she knew it. I could tell by her smile. Plus she smelled great. Was it a shampoo? It gave me a little energy, when I breathed it in. 

She giggled, seeing me so taken by her, and gave my cock a gentle stroke. She backed up, away from me just a bit, her face now maybe a foot or so above mine, eyes locked on me, stroked me again. Still, her hair was a thick curtain all around us, thick and glorious and….long. Really long. 

“God, you have a lot of hair,” I marveled, “Like…yikes. A real lot.” It wasn’t this long yesterday, was it? 

She giggled, smiling down at me enigmatically.

“How’d it get so long, s-so fast?” I asked, admittedly confused. 

“I told you, baby, I’m changing into what you like,” she replied, plainly, “You like long hair.”

”I do?”

“Yes, apparently,” she continued, shaking out her mane again, thick waves of it shimmering around us, “so mine grows really long, really fast.” 

“Like, overnight? But that’s impossible…”

“Tell that to my scissors. I cut it every morning.”

What?? “You have to cut your hair every morning?”

“Yeah, unless I want to look like a hair monster.”

“A-and you think that’s because of me??”

“Shh it’s okay, I don’t mind,” she said, thinking I was apologizing. No! This was just crazy talk!

“No Melissa I don’t want-“

“Hey it’s okay lots of guys don’t even realize their preferences, or where they come from,” she said, smiling tenderly down at me, “But, a lot of times they come from, well…<giggle!>…I have some ideas. Lemme guess - your mom had long hair?” 

Just then, a memory flashed. It was one of the few I had of my mother, who’d left me when I was a toddler. She was leaning over me in my crib, her huge waves of dark hair making a little private space for us…

Melissa was looking at me, seeing my eyes widen as I recalled it.  She looked intently at me, and I had the feeling she was looking deep. “Big boobs too, huh? Your mom?” she asked. 

God help me, yes. In the memory, my mother was wearing a scoopneck, I could look right down her top. Her breasts were big. 

“So, breasts as big as Mommy’s, huh?” she said, enigmatically, as over me her upper body shifted, her bare, glorious chest rising over me, “That’s what you want?”

What was she saying?!?

“M-Melissa no I-“

“it’s okay. It’s natural, for men to want what their mommies had,” she said, her hand starting once again to slowly stroke my cock through my thin wool sock. Melissa’s enormous bare breasts now filled my vision. “Men want Mommy’s boobs, Mommy’s hair, Mommy’s hips,” she purred, “Maybe even Mommy’s hands…”

“oh-oh my god M-Melissa n-n-no-…” 

My protests sounded small, half-hearted - even to me. 

“Stop complaining, baby, I don’t mind,” she cooed from above me, now more firmly stroking my tender erection, “Let mommy do this for you…”  

”w-wait wh-what?!”

“Oh hush…don’t try to deny it. I know I’m a bit of a mother-figure for you,” she giggled, bringing jiggles through the massive mountains that hovered over me, “And you loved when I called myself mama last night.”

“oh my g-…” I groaned, my whole body shuddering as her stroking was having its intended effect, along with the view she was affording me, the bulging undersides of her breasts, “J-Jesus Christ, Melissa…”

“Hey, language,” she reprimanded, “But shhhh it’s okay, I love that I remind you of her, make you feel safe and warm and well-taken care of.” She stroked me, stroked me, the fabric of the sock only heightening the sensation. “But I’m going to do it better than she did. I’m going to be the best mommy-girlfriend for you. The best mommy ever for my good little boy.”

“oh…god…Melissa…”

“mmmhm that’s right,” she purred, “You like that idea, don’t you? Mommy girlfriend?”

“nnnngh M-Melissa, wait…” Was I ready for this? “h-hold on..”

“Shhh it’s okay. I like doing it. Like, last night, I loved feeding you your bottle.”

Again: ”What?!?” 

This time I was really incredulous.

With a giggle, Melissa bent down low towards me, causing me to inadvertently back up as much as I could into my pillow as her face looked into me. Suddenly she seemed so huge that it felt like if she were to open her mouth she could eat me. Raven hair, again, piled around us warm and soft, and her full voice was barely above a whisper as she purred down into my face.

“My little man was so fussy and moaning in his sleep,” Melissa explained, with both sympathy and amusement dancing in her eyes, “And I felt so, so bad for you. You had a bit of a scare yesterday, didn’t you? With those mean men trying to come take you away?”

“Oh…y-yeah…” I replied, recalling the attorneys. There was no way I was going to argue with her on this point. That had stressed me out. 

“And so I figured, my baby could use a little warm milk, to help him sleep nice,” Melissa continued, kissing my cheek now with her soft lips.  “And so I went downstairs, came back, laid down on the bed and fed you some.  And guess what, it settled you right down!”

“Wait. So you…came in and…gave me milk!?” I asked already squirming in the indignity, even as her left hand held my solid cock.

“Mmhm. With a baby bottle,” she answered matter-of-factly, “I had one of Katarina’s in the fridge.”

“You f-fed me from a baby bottle!?!” I exclaimed, the shock, the emasculating humiliation of it making me nearly disintegrate…especially as I realized it was probably-  “Was it her breastmilk again?!?” Last weekend I’d been - I figured as a joke, right? - tricked into drinking milk that Katarina, my new Polish migrant employee and a new mom, had pumped. “Please don’t tell me it w-“

“mmhm of course,” Melissa replied, “Of course it was Katarina’s.”

“Y-you can’t do th-that!!” I sputtered, feeling the humiliation just piling on me. 

“Oh, but it worked so well! You drank it right down. I think you liked it,” she said, “In fact, I think you loved it.” 

And I loved watching you get smaller - I didn’t know it then, but I know it now: that's what she was thinking. Katarina, by some strange ability, was able to infuse her milk with these effects. 

“Melissa!! What the hell?!?”

“Hey milk is the only thing you can easily stomach, it makes you relaxed, makes you feel good,” she offered. 

“Ahhg! But it’s breastmilk!! Katarina’s breastmilk!! ” I looked in her eyes, and it was like I could hear exactly what she was thinking at me, in a voice as clear as if she was speaking it: 

Would it be better if it was mine? Would you still refuse that?

My mind started reeling 

“You looked like such a precious little baby,” Melissa cooed, picking up back into a slow rhythm of her hand, my cock. She looked right into my eyes, examined my face. “Ugh…it almost hurts how cute you are sometimes!”

She seemed to consider something for a moment, and then leaned in, closed her eyes, and engulfed my mouth in a long, slow, deep kiss.  Like yesterday, she wasn’t playing around, this was no small smooch. Her big lips wrapped around my entire mouth, sealing it shut completely, and her tongue pushed into me and utterly took over.  I stared helplessly into Melissa’s eyes as her tongue threatened to go down my throat. I began to see stars and hoped for the first few seconds that she would pull away from the kiss and let me breathe, but then almost immediately melted right into the kiss. If I need to breathe, she’ll do it for me. And yes, when she finally did push air into me, a moment later, I tried hard not to groan in the deep pleasure I felt.

My eyes fluttered, and I began to think. Adjusting to this new world represented a constant challenge. My mind was deprived of all the oxygen except hers, but in that moment I could see it. Like a tiny sunrise in the back of my head,  light shone for me, allowing me to see and consciously accept our building dynamic. Melissa was sweet, at many times almost childlike, but seeing what she could physically do last night, the wonders her body showed me evidenced a level of power to which I could never come close. I knew that, if I let it, it could be a power that would consume me. Despite her obvious physical superiority though, she had never raised her voice, let alone her hand to me.

She breathed for me again, her eyes still locked on mine. I could see reflected in them the truth: that with all her strength she would never touch me with anything but tenderness. In that moment I accepted her again as the alpha, and took another step in accepting this new reality and forgetting the old world. I would not only let Melissa be my anchor and shield in this new one, if she wanted to be my mother figure that…that was okay too. 

She broke our kiss, looking deep into my eyes and feeling exactly what I was thinking. When she spoke again her voice was wracked with emotion. 

“Oh, baby, yes,” she said, pushing herself up again to rise over me until her gigantic breasts hovered over my face, “I love you so much.”

I stared up at her, in absolute love. These are the greatest tits god ever created, and they’re all for me. 

“Yes, sweetie, yes” I heard her say, “but God’s got nothing to do with it.”

Suddenly, her nipple was in my mouth, the great mass of her right breast mashed into my face. Her hand pumped now, pumped at my sock-covered cock. I sucked, sucked on her but soon mmmph… mmmph… ”MMmph!!!”

“Can’t breathe, honey?” she giggled, pulling up off me to allow me air. 

“N-n-no I…I…” I could barely form words, but managed to speak after a moment. “It’s…it’s like The Attack of the Blob.”

Melissa giggled, her hand slowing for a moment down between my legs. “The what?”

“The Blob? The movie monster?” Oh god I hope she doesn’t think I’m calling her fat. 

“Like Godzilla?” she answered, “The big, big monster?” She began to sit up, rising higher above me. 

“Yeah kinda,” I answered, lost now in appreciating the incredible physique of her now towering torso. Her underboob was astounding, it alone dwarfing my head.

She’d paused, letting me look up at her. 

“Feeling small, baby?” she purred. 

“y-yes,” I answered, without a thought. 

“Mmmmm good,” she growled. She’d begun, again, to stroke my cock through my gray dress sock. “And you’re okay with it now, getting smaller?”

That set me back a bit. “Uh…wh-what do you mean.” 

“Last night, sweetie,” she said, languorously stroking me now, indulging me, “last night you said you wanted it, to get so much smaller than me, so I could hold you and keep you safe like you were inside me.”

My face flushed. “it’s…it’s always been a fantasy,” I managed, shrinking down under the ignominy of it.  

“Oh, sweetie, I know,” she said, shifting her body now, moving, pushing covers out of the way and spreading my legs. My cock still in hand - and still in my thin gray dress sock - Melissa now kneeled down between my knees. Her breasts were squashed between her arms, giving me a mind-numbing amount of cleavage to stare at. “How about now you start thinking about living out your fantasies? Can you do that for me?”

“oh my god okay,” I agreed, not having the will to do anything else, watching as she shifted again, leaning down, positioning herself and her glorious chest right behind my huge, throbbing organ in its thin woolen sheath. 

“Like Mr. Sock here,” she said, referring to my cock, who had now taken over the role of the sock puppet, “He knows what he likes, and he's not afraid to enjoy it, are you Mr. Sock?”

At that, she pulled him - it, I mean ‘it’, or, uh, ‘me’ - back into her cleavage. He vanished, all but completely, maybe just the fabric-sheathed head mushrooming out near the top. “There we go…” she purred, moving her body just enough so that now maybe more of him pushed up out of her tits, then slid back in to disappear. The sleeve of wool sock around my shaft, the rubbing of its fabric over my skin, only added the sensation of the muscular caress of her tits around me. “There we go….”

I groaned. Holy shit.

She giggled. “Yeah, Mr. Sock knows what he likes,” Melissa began, rubbing herself up and down my length again, and then again, so slowly, “He doesn’t mind being so much smaller than me, he doesn’t mind at all…he knows it only makes it better.”

“oh god, oh god, oh god yes,” I groaned, watching as my 6’8” superhuman girlfriend with tits the size of watermelons began to titfuck me with consummate ease. My sock-puppet cock slid in, and out. In, and out. The soft, rhythmic motions up and down my overly sensitive erection left me speechless. 

“The Attack of the Blob, right?” she chuckled, squashing her chest even more bounteously around my shaft, until I couldn’t see him at all. Her voluptuousness was everywhere. “He doesn’t seem to mind getting eaten by the Blob, no. No, not at all…”

Still she shifted on me, moving her torso, her shoulders and arms in just the right way to titfuck me, up and down, up and down. 

“He seems happy being surrounded by me, hm?”

It was too much. I was already completely spent at this point. I’d barely found the strength to wake up, my body shocked awake by Melissa and her ‘little friend.’ I was tender from god knows how many ejaculations yesterday and last night, and the emotions of the morning were already exhausting. I found myself - despite being subsumed in the pleasure of the world’s greatest titfuck - a bit concerned. I could take it, now, sure…but for how much longer? How will I handle this if she’s still growing? And, even worse, if I was still shrinking? In “The Blob”, the creature absorbed its victims. Was Melissa slowly doing that already, to me?

“Mr. Sock likes it so much, being in there, doesn’t he?” she spoke, her voice beginning to take up the urgency of her task. She was intending to make me come like this, her eyes locked on my open-jawed face as she pumped her spectacular torso up and down on me. “Tell me, Mr. Sock, tell me you like being in there, surrounded by Melisssssy.”

“y-yes…yes I do,” I said, for the love of god answering for my dick, whose head popped for a second here, a second there, out of her upper cleavage near her collarbone. I could see the dark stain of a wet pre-come on the light gray fabric of the sock. “yes please…”

Her eyes flashed. She  wanted more. “Tell me you like being in there, where it’s so soft, inside Mommy.” <pump, pump>

“Oh uuuggh…Oh my god yes,” I groaned.

“Tell me again.” <pump, pump> “Tell me what you want.”

“I…I want to be inside you.” 

Now she groaned herself. “Ohh..oh god yes sweetie yes of course you do.” <pump, pump> “Tell me your mommy has big boobs, tell me she has big hair, just like Melissssy.”

“oh my god…she had…”

My voice failed me. I couldn’t say it.

But Melissa pressed on.

“Tell me you want her to feed you like she did last night, tell me you want the bottle.”

“oh god Melissssy yes..” 

“Tell me you want the breast.” 

“yes..! yes..!”

“Yes, baby, Yes Yes,” she moaned, “Come for Mommy!”

“NNNNNGGGHHH!!!” I groaned, “NNNNGHHH!” 

“COME!”

NNNNGH! NNNGH! NNNNGH!!! Right into her, right between her breasts. Right in her magnificent, pillowy cleavage my cock exploded into the sock-condom each pump lubricated by my own jucies, into the fabric of “Mr Sock” making him-

NNgh! NNgh! NNNgh!

-making him - oh god oh god oh god - fill up, the wet slobber of my juices already heavy and thick and making the thin wool darken darken darken, each time it appeared above the swell of her breasts the come stain blossoming bigger and bigger and bigger and-

She pulled it off.

NNGh! My bare skin, now, sliding up between her tits.

She squeezed the sock, drools of come bursting forth from it onto her chest, lubricating us.  “Come! Come on, Mr. Sock, come!” she still urged, she still commanded me.

Still orgasming, still spurting - holy god how am I making this much?!? - I dumped more, more, more onto her chest, into her cleavage - slippery, slippery, slippery.

“oh oh oh god…” I moaned. Pain! My loins, tendons, thighs all screaming. But also so much pleasure!

Nngggh…

nnnngh…. 

nnnnnngh….

She eased me through it.

“Come on baby, come on honey, that’s right,” she cooed, “come for Mommy…”

“oh my god…oh my god…”

“That’s okay baby, get it out, get it all out.”

“s-so much…” I whined, as my climax waned, “so much…” My vision had already begun to darken.

“Mmm hm…” she purred, “so much for me.”

She began to rub my come into her skin, with the palm and fingers of her left hand smearing the spent, sodden sock all over her chest. I watched, and felt my eyes becoming heavy. 

“There you go baby, all better now,” she consoled me, using the wet sock to gently stroke my member, which still twitched in her cleavage, little spasms, “all better for your day.”

“Mmm hmm yeah…” I murmured, feeling sleep quickly approaching.

“I have a busy day at work,” she told me, “we canceled your patients for today, it’s better if you stay home here.”

“h-home?” I repeated, tremulous of voice, “b-by myself?”

“Oh, sweetie, no, you won’t be alone,” she said, still stroking and gently squeezing me, “Randi will stay with you today, babysitting.”

“Babysitting..??”

=============================================

sorry for the lack of image; the one I cooked up is too much for tumblr.

[unreasonablebehaviour]

✨ hey ✨

i miss them every day

[the-phantom-ender]

S. So. I reblogged this post earlier. And. And I wanted to see a fic for it.

But, uh... I'm very impatient. So I wrote it myself.

LISTEN. LISTEN. I KNOW I HAVE REQUESTS TO BE WORKING ON. HOWEVER, CONSIDER: PHILZA MINECRAFT.

Watson Phillips. That was the name he was going by at this point. He had his wings, practically useless by now, binded and pinned to his back. You could hardly see the bump left by them under the layers of clothing. It was uncomfortable, sure, but not bad. The ruler of this land was a Piglin, he couldn’t help but be reminded of… an old friend.

He sighed, waiting quietly for the event to start. And it did! Oh it did. He didn’t get much of a view of things when the first two gladiators went up to bat, being much to caught up in aiming the bow in his hands, quiver strapped over his shoulder. All he knew was that one of them, Lagius was it, lost miserably. Not that he would judge much, really.

He only really came to be aware of what was happening when he was approached. And… then he saw a very, very familiar face. Watson almost froze where he stood, but covered his tracks with grace, saying he was more or less just focused on target practice. It was a lie, but not an unbelievable one. He rolled his shoulders, back aching.

The cameraman was Karl Jacobs.

There was absolutely no doubt in his mind. For one, his clothing was absolutely not time appropriate. The brightly coloured spiral hoodie did not fly anymore, no sir. For two: Watson knew what reincarnation looked like. This was the same face. This was different.

He decided that when this was over, he would get a chance to talk to Karl.

Watson lost his fight. He kind of threw it, in fairness. The other guy was drunk off his ass and he felt a little guilty fighting him. Also the zero gravity ruining his shot did him in a little. He was deadly on target with a bow, but if a person could easily side step because of how slowly it moved, there was really no point.

After that, he was content just… standing around. He got a little drunk at one point, but he sobered up quick enough that it may well have never happened. It was nice getting to know the rest of the people around, they all seemed alright enough.

Then he spoke to the Ran fellow. An enderman, surely, through and through. Had the same genetic mutation as… someone he used to know. Made the eyes green. Not very common, but not terribly uncommon, either. They carried themselves like anyone could come at them at any time. And considering everything going on, he might have been right with the caution.

“So… Ran, was it? Enderman name.”

He perked up, ears flicking slightly,” Yes. It’s common. You’re... versed in the culture?” “Eh,” Watson shrugged,” I’ve been taught some things by some old friends. Know a little of the language. I’m a little rusty, though.”

The two of them stuck by each other through a lot of the rest of the tournament. Warbling occasionally in a language others didn’t understand. Though Ran did comment, at one point, that the way he spoke it was very outdated. All he did was shrug and say that the guy who taught him might have thought it was funny. That seemed to be enough of that.

At the end, Ran managed to yank both of them out of the lava, keeping both from a rather unsavory death by fire. They stood behind a pillar, listening to chaos erupt around them. Jackie had won. And he was directed to… kill the cameraman. Oh no, absolutely fucking not.

Watson nudged Ran,” Hey, mate, when the kid goes to deal the killing blow to the camera man, is there any way you can just… blip over there and make sure he doesn’t actually die?”

“... Yeah, I can manage that.”

Ran delivered on his word, too. Before Watson knew it, Karl was behind the pillar with them and no one was the wiser. He lurched up, bewildered, clearly expecting to be anywhere but there.

“...What the honk?”

There it was.

“Ran, mate, if you don’t mind. I’d like to have a private word with him.” A shrug,” Alright. I have some… business to attend to, anyways.” A slight salute, and then he was gone.

Karl had tried to slink away, but Watson firmly grabbed his arm and forced him to stay. He threw a cloak over the man’s shoulders and snuck them out with the crowd. To his credit, he didn’t complain. It was… almost uncomfortable how resigned he was to this, honestly. Eventually, Watson tugged Karl around a corner and out of sight.

“How are you here, Karl Jacobs?”

“What?”

“Don’t play stupid, mate.”

“H-how…” Karl blinked, moving to hold his head,” How do you know who I- have I met you? My memory, um, it isn’t… the greatest. So. If I’m forgetting you, I’m sorry-”

“I, gah, do I really have to spell this out for you?”

“... Yeees.”

“I swear to gods if this is just because I binded my fuckin’ wings…” Watson sighed.

It wasn’t like he could just… take off the binding. He’d pinned them down pretty damn well, it’d take a while to unwrap things. Still, he supposed those were the most defining features about him. Unless… did he still keep that thing in his bag? It was old and busted by now, but he’d replaced it more than once already and didn’t wanna do it again.

He opened his satchel, rustling around for a few moments. A small smile grew on his face as he saw the edge of the green and white rim. With a flourish, Watson pulled out the bucket hat and placed it on his head. It fit better when his hair was longer. Waving his hands, jazz hands, he whispered out a little ‘ta-da!’

“PHILZA MIN-”

“SHHHH!” Watson hissed, shoving a hand over Karl’s mouth,” Not so fuckin’ loud, mate.”

A beat.

“Yeah, though. You died. A very long time ago. How the fuck are you… here, Karl?”

“Uh…” Karl’s eyes darted around,” Would you… believe me if I said that I’m, uh, I’m on… business.”

[bedbellyandbeyond]

Librarians

(Story Post)

After spending another night with Diederich, Nari was back at the library. There was a different guard at the front desk time which meant another hassle to get back in. She asked for both his patron card and ID and things seemed to be going well until she tried to have him leave his phone because ‘smartphones contain silver'. When he argued that there wasn't even half a gram of silver in the average smartphone, she then said it was to enforce their ‘no photography’ policy, something that was never even brought up the last time he entered. At that point, Nari asked for Kobann and had to be escorted inside again. Looking up at all the seemingly infinite rows of bookshelves, Nari sighed and tried to remember where he left off. He decided it might just be better to start with a whole new section and see what he could find. Like before, he'd started around noon, but he figured the sun was going down when he noticed more and more perusers passing by. Some of the vampires climbed the ladders like him but he noticed more and more were able to float from floor to floor, a vampiric ability he wasn't even aware of. It was the floaters that made him most uncomfortable because they made no sound as the went by, eyeing him with curiosity and disapproval, he bet. So, when one vampire floated up next to him on the fourth floor and placed a hand on his shoulder, he was caught completely by surprise. Instinctively, he spun around and went for a neck grab, but the other vampire was quicker and caught his wrist.

“Whoa! Sorry if I scared you,” the stranger said grinning. He was tall, he had dark hair like Diederich's, and he looked rather smug with his uncomfortably intense eyes. “What do you want?” Nari growled, yanking his arm back. “I don't like to be disturbed.” “I just noticed you're new around here, that's all,” the stranger said. He had some kind of British accent. “Maybe, I could help you out.” “I'm not looking for help,” Nari said. The strange vampire tilted his head. “Oh? Most vampires come to the library because they're looking for help with something. Whether it's learning about their own immortality, or discovering new powers, or…” He glanced at the book in Nari's hand. “…starting a family?” Nari blinked and closed his book. “Who are you? Do you work here?” “Ooh, I got it right, didn't I?” The stranger was quite pleased with himself. “No, I don't work here, but I might as well with how long I've been here.” He offered a hand. “Everett.” “Nari.” He took the hand to shake it but was quickly pulled close to the stranger's chest. “H-Hey!” “I could help you, you know,” Everett said, smiling down at him. “With the whole baby thing.” Nari curled his lip in a sneer. “Let go of me. I have a partner.” Everett let go and grinned as he pat Nari on the head. “Don't get so worked up, I'm only joking! I too am taken.” He leaned back, looking up towards the upper levels of the bookshelf they were currently standing on. “Wes! Come down here for a moment!” Another vampire floated down, this time with sandy curls and bushy brows, and he held a finger to his mouth. “Shhhh! We're in a library, remember?” “Wes, my dearest!” Everett went in for a kiss, but the other vamp blocked him with his hand. “Who are you harassing today?” he asked. Nari noticed this new vampire preferred to remain afloat whereas Everett had alighted on the floor beside him. “Ah, this is…Norris?” Everett guessed, patting Nari's back a bit roughly. “Nari,” Nari correctly, glaring at him. “Stop touching me!” “Nari, I'm Wesley,” the other vampire said, offering his hand. “I'm really sorry about my partner. He's a menace to society.” Nari just looked at the hand and wrinkled his nose. Wesley sighed and grabbed Everett by the ear. “What did you do? He won't even shake my hand!” “Isn't that a thing in their culture?” Everett asked. Nari just put his book back and started climbing down the ladder. “I'm done… I give up.” Wesley gave Everett's ear a good yank. “You racist shit, look what you've done! Apologise!” “Shh, we're in a library, my love!” “Apologise.” Everett dove down to meet Nari on the next level upside down. “Nari, I'm sorry if I offended you. I was just trying to make friends.” “I was not.” Nari got off the ladder and prodded Everett in the forehead. “Just leave me alone.” “Hold on, hear me out for a moment,” Everett said righting himself so he could stand with Nari. “I really could help you find whatever you're looking for with this baby business. Wes and I have been coming to the library almost every day for decades. We know the books. The one you had out was not going to help you, but I could tell why you might think it would.” Nari frowned. “You've read all the books?” “Oh no, it would take a millennium to read everything in here,” Everett said. “I'm only just hitting my 180s. But I have read my fair share and more. I know the system they've got here. I know what books are practical and which are just hogwash.” Nari exhaled through his nose. “…So, since you seem to know everything, what do you think I'm looking for?” Everett smiled. “You want to know how to increase your chances of having a viable pregnancy with your partner.” Nari blinked. “How did you figure that?” “The book you had out,” Everett said. “It was about some Russian vampire queen with fifty children; it's a go to for a lot of vamps like you. But it's completely fabricated.” “And you know that how?” Nari asked. Everett shrugged. “It was just classic sexism. They thought she was a vampire because she appeared youthful for many years and was able to produce children well into her fifties. Men just like to call women monsters when they do anything they thinking isn't normal for a woman. That's all.” Nari put his hands on his hips. “So, what do you actually know about vampire pregnancy?” “One moment.” Everett held up a finger and then floated away to a far-off shelf several rows down and several levels up. Nari just opted to climb back up to look for a different book. He forgot however that the other vampire was still there. Wesley smiled sheepishly. “You really do have to forgive Everett; he can be an asshole sometimes. But he means well.” Nari sort of ignored him because he was trying to pinpoint what was giving him a vibe that this vampire was different. Then it clicked. “You're American.” “That's right, pardon my accent,” Wesley said, bashfully rubbing his neck. “I'm surprised I still got it with how long I've lived with Evie.” “I've never met an American vampire,” Nari said, although he hadn't met a lot of vampires in general. Wesley nodded. “Yep, they really like to keep it in and among the Europeans, I've found out. I got lucky, I guess.” Nari wrinkled his nose. “Lucky? This is a curse.” Wesley continued nodding. “Yeah, I felt that way for a long time… But, Everett saved my life.” “…He turned you?” Nari asked. Wesley put his hands in his pockets. “Yep. WWII, nazi I thought was down picked up his gun, shot me right in the back. I would've died that day if Evie didn't turn me.” Everett came back with a couple books in hand. “He still blames me for robbing him of his hero’s death, though.” Wesley grinned and wrapped an arm around Everett's neck. “Yeah! You just had to be the hero in that situation, huh? Bitey bastard…” “I thought only ancient vampires could turn people,” Nari said. “Really, really old ones.” “The natural ability to do it did peter out a few hundred years ago,” Everett said. “But like a lot of vampiric abilities, turning can be learned by any vampire. I frequented the library many years before joining the military. I'd never turned anyone before though.” “Why'd you learn it then?” Nari asked. “It's a bit embarrassing…” Everett admitted. “He had a wife before,” Wesley said. “He wanted to turn her so they could be together forever. But she got pregnant while he was in basic training. Postman. You know, the classics.” “Ah…” Nari eyed the books Everett had. “So, these are supposed to help me?” “Yes, I can't remember which, but one or more of these talks about birth chance I think,” Everett said. “What do you think, Wes? Take ‘em back to the house for a study session?” “Yeah… We've only been here a bit, but I'm already getting tired,” Wesley said. “I found what I needed.” “You can't take the books out of the library,” Nari said. “Not with that attitude,” Everett said. “Come. Follow us.” “What?” They both started to float down to the main floor. Nari tried to climb down after them, but it took him a lot more time. Everett came back and met him halfway up. “I could carry you down.” “No, thank you,” Nari huffed. “Are you sure? I've got strong arms. I've carried Wesley around quite a bit.” “I'm perfectly capable of climbing down on my own,” Nari said. “I don't even know why I'm following you…thieves.” “We're borrowers, not thieves,” Everett said, setting foot down on the ground just as Nari made it to the first floor. “We’re strong believers that library books are meant to be borrowed. Come on, Wes can't hold out much longer.” “Don't rush me,” Nari said. They led him through the labyrinth of shelves all the way to a little fire exit guarded by what looked to be another familiar. “The library had to put in a fire escape a couple years back to bring the building up to code,” Wesley said. “But it's clearly guarded,” Nari complained. “Hey, Ozren!” Everett went up and patted the guard on the chest and Nari noticed him slip something into his chest pocket. “You have a good shift, buddy!” The guard just acted like he didn't see them at all as they slipped past and through door. Despite a warning on display saying an alarm would sound, everything remained silent. Once they were in the hall beyond the door, they stopped for a moment. It was a narrow passage leading to another exit door, but Nari noticed there was also a wheelchair folded up against the wall. Wesley floated to it eagerly and unfolded it, before taking a seat. He sighed happily and hung back his head. “Oh my god, floating is so exhausting!” Nari stared at him for a moment. “…Can you not walk?” “Nope.” Wesley used his hands to pull his legs up onto the footrests of his wheelchair. “Already told you, I was shot in the back. Hit my spine.” Nari blinked. “But you can float. Why don't you do that all the time?” Wesley frowned and tilted his head. “Did you not just hear me say how exhausting that is? I only learned it so I could use the library. I much prefer my chair. This place has zero accessibility. It's a nightmare.” “Oh.” Nari blinked some more. “I'm sorry, I didn't realise…” Wesley rolled over to him and patted his back. “Don't worry about it. Let's just get out of here.” “Right.” Nari looked at Everett. “What'd you give that guard?” “Cash, obviously,” Everett answered. “He’s a familiar. They don't pay him anything. It's so easy to bribe a familiar.” “Got it...” Nari said. “I still don't know where you're taking me...” “Just to our house,” Everett said going down the hall and opening the door for them. “You can meet the others!” Wesley said excitedly as he went outside. Nari followed them out nervously. “Others?” “You’ll see.” “You’ll like them.”

[puggledy-huggledy-is-not-a-pig]

If You Want To Get Warm You Must Stand Near The Fire (Parts 8 & 9)

Warnings: Angst (most of it mine :P)

Very Important Note: I have been staring at this for hours and days. I hate, hate, hate, writing sex scenes. I just feel so awkward doing it, and I hate it, because I want Hope and Guy to make beautiful love :( If anyone wants to write them for me, I will be grateful, give you credit, send you puppies, or whatever else you ask. For now, after spending hours reading other people’s erotica trying to breathe some life to my fossilised imagination, I’m just going ahead and posting this. I’m not tagging anyone this time, because frankly I’m too embarrassed and cross at myself that I can’t even do this in the privacy of my own mind. If you think it’s not completely cringe worthy, throw me a comment or a reblog. I promise I’ll try to get over myself and tag people next time. Ok you’ve all been encouraging nd lovely so I will stop being a giant infant and tag people for this too. Thanks, and sorry if I seemed to be high maintenance compliment-fishing!

After that day, Hope was amazed to see a side to Guy that she never expected. That night he showed up in her bedroom, smiling like the cat that got the cream; she moved to make space for him and he spent the night draped over her, much to the disgust of Falkor, who had been displaced to the foot of the bed. He did the same again the next night, and the next, and it quickly became a routine.

During the day they would potter along companionably, Guy slowly exploring and learning more about how everything worked. Hope had imagined that he would have a hard time with a lot of modern concepts and inventions, but to her surprise and relief, Guy was stoically accepting of most things. It seemed like, once he had fixed in his mind the fact that this was the year 2020, he just expected that a lot of things would not make sense. Guy, thought Hope, was the most practical man she’d ever met. He was far from unintelligent, but surrounded with all this newness, he didn’t bother with the how and why -he just methodically collected every new skill she showed him and moved on to the next one.

She also discovered that he had a really dry sense of humour, when he let himself show it. He had this habit of looking up for a reaction when he made a joke -Guy was a man who liked an audience, Hope was realising.

He never offered her any words of affection during the days, although in unspoken ways he was behaving very differently than he had before.

From being stiff and distant he became surprisingly tactile, always touching her back, running a hand down her arms, breathing in her ear... Then, every evening, they got in the same bed, had sex, and slept holding each other through the night.

It was a fragile equilibrium, and Hope was finding herself holding her breath. She was very aware that things couldn’t stay like this for too long. One way or another, Guy would have to move on soon.

Chapter 9

One evening, Hope was sitting up in bed with Guy’s head on her lap. She was ostensibly reading a book, but in reality kept peering over the top at his eyelashes casting a shadow on his pale cheeks, his long nose, his thin, clever lips. He was drowsy, looking relaxed, but his fingers kept dancing just under the hem of her shirt.

I’m getting too attached... she thought to herself.

He’s not some stray you can adopt, Poppet, Gran’s voice was in her head again, spelling out her thoughts like she had when she was alive. Hope sighed, and closed her book.

“Guy?”

“Mmmmm?”

“Sing me a song...”

“Mmm.” His fingers travelling higher, playing with her breast. “There are better ways to pass the time.”

“Come on, sing me a song!”

Amused, she flicked his nose, and he glared at her.

“I’m not a minstrel!”

“And I’m not Freddie Mercury, but you still got me to sing.”

“Ah, but that was for your own good.”

“So is this. I’m getting bored, I might leave in a minute,” she teased him.

“I don’t know any songs,” Guy groaned, then gave up when Hope pretended to be getting up.

“Paura pichona,

Perqué plorar?

Lo niu d'ironda

Va s'envolar.

Paura pichona,

Cal pas plorar,

Ambe l'aureta

Lo niu vendrà.

Paura pichona,

Consòla-te,

Lo niu d'ironda

Tornarà ben.”

“That’s lovely,” breathed Hope. “What is it?”

Guy blinked. “It’s a lullaby,” he said, “my mother used to sing it. I didn’t think I’d remember it.”

“What language is that?”

“Occitan. My mother was French.”

“Tell me about your life, before,” Hoped asked him, and Guy was torn. On the one hand, having someone want to get to know him better was a very nice feeling, and not one he was accustomed to. On the other hand he really didn’t feel like going back, even just in his mind. What good could possibly come from it? Everything he had worked for all these years was gone, and all that was left was the taint.

He compromised by shrugging and keeping it short. “Not much to tell. I worked for the Sheriff for years, ran things for him. I was...” (Feared? Loathed?) “...respected,” was what he settled on.

“Do you want to go back?” Hope hated how needy she sounded, but she couldn’t help herself. Don’t go back...

Guy shook his head. “No. Things got... bad. There’s nothing left for me there.” There really isn’t, he thought bitterly. All these years of putting up with Vaisey’s whims and humiliations, all the bits of himself he had had to amputate and shed in the process of rebuilding the Gisborne name and fortune, and there was nothing to show for it all.

“No... family?”

“No.” None to speak of...

Guy had had enough of these questions, now. What difference did it make, picking at the past like a scab? He had lost everything and had to start from scratch before, and, although he would never have chosen it, it appeared he had to do the same again. So be it. Guy was surprised to find the thought didn’t bother him as much as it should have. All the ambition that drove him for so many years had been burnt away, turned to ashes in the blaze that was Marian’s death, and in its place a need for revenge had grown like a twisted, blackened tree that had survived a forest fire. But now, after being away for just a few days, his appetite for revenge had left him. Let Isabella have Nottingham, let Hood have Sherwood. They could kill each other, for all he cared, he was done. I want to stay here... With Hope, Guy realised. Why not? He liked being around her, she had the means to help him, and she responded to him in a way that was very... flattering. She sure as hell was a better choice of someone to throw his lot in with, than Vaisey had been, Guy knew.

No one would accuse him of having a poet’s soul, but Hope reminded him of the sun-drenched fields in France. She reminded him of the Earth. She was generous, and nurturing, and warm, and vast, and heavy, and, Guy thought, she grounded him.

“Your turn,” he said, changing the subject. “And none of those songs about the men you killed.”

Hope giggled. “I’ve told you, that was Freddie Mercury. We’ve got to do something about your musical education.”

“Now seems a good time to start!”

“Right, ok...” Hope scrunched her forehead, trying to think of a song. “I know, this is one my dad used to sing to me when I was a teenager and got in a strop.

#In the crazy world

Anything can happen

If you will it to

I'm just a hazy girl

Blurring all the edges

Only seeing blue

It's a wild hope

A wild hope

A wild hope

Everything will be alright.”

“Wild Hope, hmmm?” Guy murmured against her neck. “I’d like to hear more about that...”

Guy is back in Locksley, about to get married.

“Are you married, Thornton?”

“I was. She died, years ago.”

“Did your wife... understand you?”

“I’d like to think so, yes.” The old servant’s kindly face twists into a mocking parody of itself. “We were both human, you see. So we could understand each other. No one understands you... because there is no humanity left in you, is there, Gisborne? No heart... Just the howling void.

Don’t look inside you Gisborne. You know what they say happens, when you look into the abyss... It looks back.”

Thornton’s face twists again, morphing into Vaisey.

“Lepers, Gisborne... You were always running after lepers. I wonder why that is, hmmm? Could it be -rot calling to rot? Like father, like son, eh?”

Maggots are squirming out of Vaisey’s eyes now, he smiles widely and his jeweled tooth winks at Guy. “My boy...” The Sheriff leans close, his carrion breath stroking Guy’s face like a promise. “I made you. I know you...”

“Nooooo...”

“What is it, Guy?” It’s Marian’s voice, and he opens his eyes and sees her smiling, looking down at him. “It’s just a nightmare, it’s not real.” She strokes his forehead with her cool fingers, and pulls up the blankets, tucking him in.

“It’s not real, none of it was ever real, you stupid boy... Only the sand, the sand is real and it gets COLD, Guy, I’m COLD, it’s COLD where you sent me.”

And the floor turns to sand, the bed turns to sand, it’s in Guy’s mouth, in his nostrils, and everything goes dark.

“Paura pichona,

Consòla-te,

Lo niu d'ironda

Tornarà ben.”

“Mother? I destroyed everything, mother...”

“Shhhh, Fiéu mèus. It’s fine. Nothing is destroyed, just changing. Lo niu tornarà ben, remember.

Look, the door is open. Go out in the sun for a bit, it will do you good.”

# It’s a wild hope,

A wild hope,#

“-everyone deserves to be loved-“

#A wild hope,

Everything will be alright.#

Hope started awake in the middle of the night. Guy was kicking her, tangled in the covers, obviously having a nightmare. She reached over to turn the bedside light on, intending to wake him up, but then he suddenly sat up, calling out her name.

“Hope!”

“Shhh... I’m here.”

Before Hope could ask what was wrong, Guy was on her like a starving man, kissing her desperately, cupping her breasts, pressing against her like he was trying to bury his whole self inside her. He was holding her so tightly that it was almost hurting her, but Hope couldn’t bring herself to care. Something had changed. Guy’s teeth and tongue were all over her, and Hope could feel him tremble. She had never realised how much he held back every other time she’d been with him. Instinctively, she put her hands on his face and kissed him back, keeping her eyes on his. She just felt like, more than anything else, he needed to be seen..

Guy pulled his head back and looked at her. His pupils were so dilated that his blue eyes looked almost black.

“Tell me you want to be with me,” he begged.

“I want to be with you.”

He moaned and reached between her legs, pulled her underwear aside and pushed inside her.

“Say it again.”

“I want to - Oh! - I want to be with you. I want you to stay with me. Guy! I love you...”

He rained kisses all over her face, thrusting, and it was all over so quickly; but that felt right, too. She stroked his face and kissed him, and Guy stared at her, lost for words.

“Hope... You deserve to be loved. I don’t know that there’s enough good left in me to do that.”

She kissed him again, and spoke his words back to him. “Hush. I know it’s hard. But it hurts more if you fight it.”

Notes:

*The Occitan lullaby is this one: https://www.mamalisa.com/?t=es&p=3877

Can’t say I’m sure how old it is, but I’m sure Ghislaine would have sung something similar.

*The song Hope sings is Wild Hope, by Mandy Moore.

*Fiéu mèus: my son

Lo niu tornarà ben: The nest will come back again.

Tagging: @whofriend @moony-artnstuff @fizzyxcustard @tigereyesf @guylty @xxbyimm @dumbassunderthemountain @aspookybunny @patanghill17 @ruthoakenshield

[cobblepot-comfort]

Three is as Good as a Crowd

This is the first chapter of a story I need to get back to, This was from Season 1, where Oswald is not sent away from Barbara’s apartment when he reappears to Jim in his first resurrection from the dead.  I thought there were some missed opportunities here, and I hope you agree:

Also posted on ao3:

Three is as Good as a Crowd

From Season 1 Episode 3/4

Oswald went to see Jim to reveal he was still alive and back in his beloved Gotham.

“Hello James - old friend” he said, with a feline smile.

The glamorous blonde who answered the door looked a little taken aback to see him standing there.  Well, she would.

“Jim?” she said, looking puzzled.

later….

“Who is he. Really?”  Barbara asked, in a low voice, as she poured the scotch.  

She had invited their surprise visitor to stay for a drink.  She had a feeling that there was more to their impromptu guest than met the eye.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.  He’s not just an old friend.  And I don’t even think he’s called Peter Humboldt either!”

“Barbara….”

“Come on , Jim,”  Barbara turned round and cast a smile at Oswald who was comfortably ensconced on the sofa.  He returned her smile. She turned back.

“Tell me,” she hissed.  “Tell me who he really is!”

“Barbara - I can’t.  It’s confidential.  It’s - well, to do with work.”

Barbara poured out the whiskey slowly and deliberately, delaying the moment.

“Tell me the truth,” she demanded, “Or I’m walking out of here.  Now.”

So Jim sighed, said, “Well you promise this won’t go any further?”

She promised him it wouldn’t.

And so Jim explained everything that had happened, as quickly as he could.  He was aware that Oswald was sitting there and waiting for his drink.

“Oh, I see,” Barbara said when he’d finished explaining himself.

“Do you?”

“Yes, and it’s going to be fine, baby.  I’m glad you told me.”

She turned and walked away bearing Oswald’s drink.

She handed him the whiskey and he took it with grateful thanks, looking at her warily with his bright blue eyes.

“Jim’s told me the truth - who you really are - Oswald,” she said, sitting down next to him on the sofa.

Oswald visibly flinched, his eyes opening wide with alarm.  He looked  at Jim and frowned.

“Its ok, sweetie,” Barbara continued, “It’s all going to be ok.”

“Jim?” Oswald asked anxiously.

“Sorry Oswald, but she is my fiance, I felt I had to tell her.  We can trust her - believe me.”

“Oh.  Well, Jim, if you trust her, then so can I.”  Oswald smiled at Jim and then Barbara.

“Well, this is nice,” Barbara grinned.    “Three old friends having a drink together.”

“Yes,” Oswald agreed.  He glanced at Jim again, and got another reassuring smile.  He blushed.

“I owe Jim my life, as you know,” Oswald ventured, swirling the liquid around in his glass thoughtfully as he spoke.  “I’d do anything for him - just anything.  Any favour he wants, he just has to name it - you know that, don’t you, Jim?”  He looked up at Jim coyly.

“Yes, I know - but I really don’t want anything….”

“You know, I think Oswald should stay the night,” cut in Barbara, “It won’t be safe for him out there, from what you told me.  Maybe we could put him up here for  a while.”

“Oh - no, that won’t be necessary I’m sure,” Oswald interrupted hastily, looking nervous.

“No, Barbara’s right - you would be safer here,” Jim insisted.  “At least til the fuss dies down.”

“Erm - do you mean it?”

“Yes, of course we do.”

“Oh - well, thank you!  I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything.  We are glad to do this for you.”

“You can have the spare room.”

“Thank you.”

“You know, he really is cute,” Barbara confided later, as they left Oswald to get ready for bed.  

“You think so?”

“Oh, come on, Jim - I know you agree with me.”

“What?”

“Jim.  You know I know you are bisexual.  And I saw the way you were looking at him. And I don’t blame you!  He’s a pretty little thing!”

“Erm…”

“Jim!  Its ok.  You know we’ve had three ways with other women and you’ve been fine with that. I would be fine with a three way with two men.”

“Maybe you would be, but what about Oswald?  I’m pretty sure he’s quite inexperienced - I’m sure he might even be a virgin!  We can’t go suggesting three in a bed to him, it’ll scare him to death!”

“But say, just for argument’s sake, that he was ok with it.  Would you be prepared to go through with it?”

“I - well, I suppose I might consider it.”

“Good.  Then go and have a word with him.”

“What, now?”

“Yes, sweetie - there’s no time like the present. Then if he wants to run screaming, it’s up to him isn’t it?”

So Jim went and knocked on the door of the spare room and when Oswald called out he called back, “It's Jim, can I come in?”

“Yes, come in,” came the pleased reply.

Jim went in and saw Oswald with the covers pulled up to his chest, looking coy and shy and vulnerable.

His heart did a somersault.

He looked gorgeous lying there so serenely, with his raven hair framing his sweet pale face.

Barbara was right, he thought Oswald was beautiful.  He hadn't wanted to admit it but as Barbara had given him her blessing to reveal his feelings, he felt comfortable with acknowledging them.

He went slowly over to Oswald’s bedside and then sat down carefully on the bed.

As he looked down on Oswald’s curious face he felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him but fought off the impulse.

“What is it Jim?” Oswald asked softly giving him a nervous, edgy smile.

“I don't want you to worry, Oswald,” Jim began, “As long as you are here you will be safe and you need not be afraid.”

“Of course not, Jim.  That's a strange thing to say!”  Oswald smiled warmly and relaxed a little.

“Well, it might sound that way.  It's just that - well, I don't want to shock or embarrass you Oswald, but Barbara and I - well, we occasionally indulge in - certain practices….you know, in bed.  Involving - well, other people.”

“Oh  - really Jim? That does surprise me!  I didn't think you would be the type!”

“Well I didn't either, but Barbara - well, she’s quite adventurous and it does help to spice up our love life.  There, you’re shocked now aren't you?”

“Of course not Jim. This is Gotham remember.”  And Oswald laughed.

“Ah. I’m glad you understand.”

“Jim - my dear friend. You know I am happy with anything you do.”

“Oh. Right.  I’m glad about that too,  because..erm, Oswald…”

“Yes, Jim?”

“Well - the thing is….Barbara and I...we both find you very attractive, and….”

“Oh -Jim, erm…”

“Shhhh, Oswald, don’t worry, I’m not propositioning you.  But I just wanted to say - if you felt lonely - or scared, or cold, or in need, or anything - you are welcome to come and join us.  We can all keep each other company.”

“Ah.  I see.  Well, Jim, that’s a very generous offer.  I shall think it over. Thank you.”

“No Oswald - thank you.  I mean it when I say we both think you are very attractive and we would be honoured if you wanted to share our bed.  Now I’ll go and leave you alone.  Goodnight, Oswald.”  Jim risked reaching out and stroking Oswald’s raven locks away from his forehead.  “You really are very pretty, you know,” he smiled, and Oswald blushed shyly and thanked him.  “Oh,  Jim,” Oswald added as Jim went to the door, “I think you and Barbara are very pretty too!”

In the early hours Oswald entered their bedroom slowly and nervously. He had had a restless night full of disturbing dreams, nothing unusual for him but he felt in need of some comfort and as this had been offered to him, he thought why not take them up on it.

He went to the bed and stared down at the couple.  

He noticed they were both sleeping naked. That explained why he’d not been offered pyjamas, although they had given him a robe.

He sat down slowly on Jim’s side of the bed.  He looked down at Jim’s fair tousled head.  He did look handsome! He had thought that the first time he had seen him at Fish’s place.  And now, he might be lucky enough to sleep with him  - and his fiance!   He never thought he would ever be so decadent.

Jim stirred, he blinked awake and focussed on Oswald’s anxious face.   “Oswald!” he smiled.  “Get in!”  He moved over, disturbing and waking Barbara.  Oswald apologised for waking them up.  “Don’t be sorry,” Barbara smiled.  “We’re glad you could make it!  Hey baby, why don’t you get in the middle, then we can both warm you up, you look cold!”

“Erm - all right then.”  Oswald was shivering, he was wearing only his boxer shorts as he had cast off his robe.

“Mmmm, you have a lovely body, Ozzy,” Barbara purred, glancing over him, and Jim agreed.  “You’re very sexy,” he said.

“Oh, thank you - that’s very kind.”

“Not kind - true!” Barbara protested. “We both think you are very horny - eh, Jim?”

“Yep!”

“Oh.”  Oswald burrowed down inside the sheets, in between Jim and Barbara. They both smelt lovely - Jim of vetiver and Barbara of vanilla.

“There, baby, that’s better isn’t it?” Barbara crooned as Oswald settled in against her soft, welcoming body.  He felt Jim’s hard, firm torso pressed against him on the other side, felt his strong arm laid across him and on Barbara.

He felt himself harden in between and was embarrassed, even despite what had been offered to him earlier.

“Oh, Ozzy - did you bring a gun into bed or are you pleased to see me?” giggled Barbara.

Oswald chuckled nervously. “I didn’t mean to..I..just wanted to go to sleep.”

“That’s all right then, that’s what we’ll do.”  Jim said gently, although he couldn’t resist giving Oswald’s neck a soft kiss and a nuzzle, which Oswald didn’t make any objection about.  He arched his neck and gave a happy little sigh.

“Good night, Oswald.”

“Good night both.”

They fell into a sound sleep, warm and cosy in each other’s arms. 

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

About book!Aziraphale and his relationship to Heaven

Most of the meta I’ve read about it has it that the main difference between him and TV!Aziraphale is that he’s accepted the fact that he’s a bit of a bastard and that Heaven’s pretty rotten and it’s just a name for a side and I’m over here like “that’s?????? Not what I read at all”. If anything, TV!A is the one who keeps talking about opposite sides as the reason why he and Crowley can’t like each other and about his inability to disobey, while book!A is the one going on and on about angels and demons not even having free will and so being inevitably good and evil respectively. Yes, he’s more aware of the possibility for punishment than TV!A seems to be, mentioning Gomorrah when they find out Warlock’s not the Antichrist, but that just fits with the whole issue, which is that a part of him knows that everything’s not what he thinks he’s been told it is it seems to be, it’s just that he knows it on the same level that he knows Crowley has a spark of goodness in him and that still allows him to deny that knowledge in conversation until they’re literally about to die. 

 Here’s how I read it: is he more comfortable with, say, the concept* of killing an eleven year old? Yes, but, coupled with everything else he says, I think it has less to do with him being alright with his “bastardy” and recognizing Heaven and Hell are just sides than it has with him just being convinced that, as long as it’s an agent of Heaven doing it (including him), it’s alright (in the self-righteous hands, a gun lends weight to a moral argument).

Heaven as a cult (and no, I don’t know what Hell would be in this metaphor - a gang, maybe)

The thing is that you can’t look at his relationship with Heaven as just work, or even just family. As I mentioned in another post, I think it should be seen as a cult, which kinda mixes both work and family and adds religion and all that fun stuff: the other angels are the people he was born and belongs with, and their “home” is where he learned was raised (family); Heaven is the source of his “income” and Aziraphale relies on it “financially”, it also has a marked hierarchy (work); as a religious institution, it works with the belief that it knows what’s best and what will be rewarded in the end, in addition to having a knowledge of how the world works that isn’t obvious at first glance to anyone who doesn’t belong, and works primarily on faith (religion). When all of that combines, the “raising” part of the familial aspect becomes programming and indoctrination with the unquestioning faith of the religion, the faith of the religion becomes unquestionable obedience to your boss with the strict hierarchy and fear of ruin if you’re fired of the workplace, and the faith and desire to belong of the family and religion become an unhealthy attachment to your job.

I see book!Aziraphale as who was born and raised in a cult and then sent away to do missionary work, where he faced reality, went through some pretty severe cognitive dissonance and dealt with it by rationalizing and denying by turns. I think the “angels are naturally good and, in fact, incapable of being anything else, since we don’t have free will, so anything I do will be Right and Good” excuse saw its fair share of use. I see him as someone who’s comfortable being a bastard because he doesn’t believe that’s what he’s doing or that he’s even capable of it. It’s this denial which leads him to (somehow????) be convinced that if he tells Heaven where the Antichrist is, they’ll get rid of him (nothing too bad, since they’re Heaven, of course, which leads me to the question, what the fuck do you think would have been an appropriate response, Aziraphale, since you were willing to kill him for a good stretch there? And what would have been an exaggerated, unbecoming-of-your-idealized-Heaven response???), even though he starts off knowing that they want the war, because he cannot conceive of being against Heaven. Sortaaa... divergent? Yeah, alright, but always working towards the same goal. The Agreement might have been acceptable in his mind because the job is still getting done, and the temptations also would have happened anyway. (Besides, of course, the whole “I can’t do Bad” thing.”)

Not that I think he’s, like, a pure cinnamon roll who only does the things he does because he doesn’t know better uwu !!!11!1!1. I think a big reason why his indoctrination’s been able to hold all that time is pride in always being Right and the comfort of knowing you’re always Good, so you don’t have to think about how what you’re doing will affect other people. He is someone who wants to do good, but, as all of us know, even without the complication of what we’re told is good and what we feel is good being contradicting, sometimes life’s too complicated to be able to tell what’s the right course, and Aziraphale, who we were introduced to worrying about this very problem, takes the easy way out and believes that being Good is his very nature. As I said before, a part of him knew that what he believed was wrong, but it was a mind (what Heaven taught him) over matter (what he feels is right) conflict when there was another battle going on in “matter” between what he feels is right and what he wants for himself, which was to be in Heaven’s good graces and for everything to be easy and himself to be good.

Matter over program (and pride, and guilt, and comfort, and security, let’s just say he didn’t have it easy, mkay?)

This conflict is suggested In The Beginning, ““““coincidentally”””” also the last time we go into Aziraphale’s head until he has to make a choice between Heaven and Crowley, and he rationalizes choosing Heaven by convincing himself that they’ll do what he wants them to and stop the Apocalypse and that way he’ll get to go back to Crowley.** Aka, his POV is marked by instances where what he’s been told what he says clashes against what he feels and wants. The solution for his conflict comes with the Metatron stating in no uncertain terms that Heaven’s wishes and his own were irreconcilably at odds with each other... actually, I think this probably wasn’t the first time? Probably, I don’t and can’t know. But what this was, was probably the first time Aziraphale cared so much about what he’d have to give up that he thought it was worth it to not only cut ties with Heaven, but also to abandon his carefully constructed wall of denial and rationalization and indoctrination to accept thing as they are.

We can see it plainly with the televangelist. A lot of people point at that moment as proof of him being and ass and, like, I agree that that’s what he’s being, but only on account of the people who were honestly watching that channel to feel connected to their religion and find some peace and reassurance and got... Aziraphale. Here’s the thing, though. A thing that tends to get lost in these debates. This isn’t Aziraphale casually debating the Apocalypse over some tea and scones; this is the first time Aziraphale admits, maybe even accepts, that Heaven and Hell are just sides, after insisting on their inherent good and evil natures the whole book; this is Aziraphale in the wake of having his rose-coloured glasses torn from him, this is him after being forced, after all this time, to tear off his own glasses; this is him angry, and disillusioned, and betrayed, with, at and by both Heaven and himself. Hell, him reproaching the televangelist for taking comfort in the fact that the righteous people could just kick back and watch the show, secure in the knowledge that they’ll be fine, could very well fit a projection of everything he’d let slide, because Heaven would win the war and that was his “idea of a morally acceptable time.” (More on Aziraphale and his possible guilt in a bit.) 

Again, this is not an admission Aziraphale makes lightly, like “awright, I guess it’s not quite like that, but shhhh, it’s our secret ;)”, it’s one he’s forced to face when the only other option is losing everything he holds dear. 

(New thought I got while writing this: this is also the first time he admits that Heaven’s victory isn’t a sure thing, so not only does he abandon the security in his and Heaven’s righteousness, but also in that everything would at least turn out okay.)

What He Found (no, I didn’t watch the movie, this pun is as superficial as NG’s attempt to make Pepper into a person who “believes in peace” for the TV show)

But things turn out pretty alright for him. Not only does he get a happy ending, but in between being discorporated and the attempted fight against Satan, you can kinda see him get his moral compass sorted. If I may quote myself, it goes kinda like this: 

“I’d say it’s why he’s so erratic at the end, and with the whole confidence/insecurity thing. At Heaven’s insistence on bringing about the Apocalypse, that clear collision of beliefs, he has the rug pulled from under him. That certainty comes from the fact that he believes, or can make himself believe, that Heaven and Angels are always right. The moment that’s proven to be untrue? Fuck you, I’m gonna possess people. Oh? You think you’re so righteous, huh? Talking about how you’ll be saved because you’re so Right, huh? Boy, do I have some news for you, you’re not even a decent person, I mean, really? Watching everyone else suffer from up high? (oh, shit, am I on tv?) [also notice that this is the first time, unless I’m forgetting something, that he acknowledges what Crowley’s been saying all along, that there’s no good vs evil, just sides] Fuck that, I’m gonna convince geriatrics to kill the Antichrist. Fuck it, I’m gonna make that guard disappear (…err…ignoring the pangs of guilt, gotta keep going…) Fuck it all, I’m gonna kill that eleven yeaghghgasdfh mayhaps not. But! You! Metatron! You feel so Righteous, huh? So Good? So Correct? So confident in your ability to understand the ineffable plan? Well I don’t, bitch.”

Everyone says that book!Aziraphale is smug and condescending and acts holier-than-thou and they’re right! That’s him! But that confidence comes from believing he literally can’t go wrong. It’s why he changes his mind about Adam: it’s all right and good to be ready to kill (or get someone to kill) a kid when you believe morality is always on your side, not... so much when you realize that everything you do, it’s for you to live with, and there’s no certainty that you were right.

Our last stand

And here’s my last argument for why I don’t think he “accepted” that he was a bastard before, and going back to the promised, if unasked for, topic: his guilt. 

So. The Apocalypse has been averted. Time to go back home with the Enemy, return the favour to the sweet lady who gave him a ride over (and her young man). Suddenly, the smell of something burning. An earthquake. Satan’s coming for Crowley, at least, maybe Adam, too. There are other people at the airbase, though. So, Aziraphale decides to try to fight him, at least give everyone a chance to run. And there’s kindness and compassion in that decision, of course, but when he tries to convince Crowley, he also implies that they owe it to the humans, for messing around with them. He’s guilty. And I have trouble believing that someone who’d die for a bunch of people he’s just met and ask seemingly the only sentient being he has an affective attachment to to join him (which has connotations about both his committed nature and the extent of his guilt) would just... go through life, knowing he was screwing people over and fully accepting it. Knowing it in his heart of hearts but not feeling prepared for the consequences and so looking the other way? Yeah, sure. That’s him. That’s his arc: making the choice to actually look at things, and also face the fact that he’s been making the choice to close his eyes. 

Book!Aziraphale’s faults and bastardy are more obvious than his TV counterpart’s, and maybe even greater, but it’s not because he’s accepted that side of himself or that all Heaven’s ever taught him is pure propaganda, but because he believes that propaganda a lot more (at least, superficially) and so is much more secure in his “good nature”.

*I’ve pointed it put multiple times and I still can’t emphasize it enough: while both of them hesitate, the one who decides not to kill Adam and wait and see while he’s talking to the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, who are supposed to bring it about on his command, is book!Aziraphale.

**In a way, choosing both of them, in contrast to TV!Aziraphale who, by telling no one the truth, chose neither. (He went straight to the manager.)

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

dan made me do it

(lol jk, but like i have Feelings(tm) about my sexuality and everything & figure this is the best time and place to do it...)

So I figured out I was bisexual a little over 5 years ago, after discovering it was a legitimate thing I could call myself whilst being on tumblr (2014 was a big time for lgbt discourse, especially in terms of the various terms and labels, most of which I hadn’t been familiar with...)... but tbh, I’d been trying to come to terms with who I was in terms of my sexuality for a long time

I grew up in a religious house (my parents were jehovah’s witnesses), but I never really remember anything vaguely homophobic being thrown around? And even if it did exist, I wouldn’t have been aware of it since I never had any question or doubt in my mind about the fact I was attracted to boys (I’d had a rly intense crush on this one boy for about 5 years through primary and secondary school... I still sometimes see his pics on facebook & u know what? I still would lol anyway...) my early days in school were mostly taken up by trying to get friends not be a total recluse (I’ve always had trouble making friends and connecting to people it’s no biggie it’ ss fineee........ ok carry on>>)

So going into secondary school I never felt that I was anything other than straight? But one thing I vividly remember was the way people in my year treated girls that were suspected to be gay... in short? they were seen as ‘dirty’... it was something perverted, and highly sexualised... (as in: being a lesbian meant masturbating a lot... (i mean: this says something about wider misogyny & demonising of female pleasure but like.. another time, another time) & also making out loads with other girls)...  like no one ever came up and said ‘being gay is wrong’, but whenever rumours spread about a girl being suspected as gay and they didn’t deny them, people would suddenly start whispering about them... & it’s super strange to me that this was the same culture that if two female friends were really close and got labelled as gay, but came out and were like ‘oh no we’re straight ha ha we just kiss at parties and touch each others boobs’ or whatever, people would be completely ok with it?

So I never really gave myself the opportunity to go into this... I was never comfortable enough to be super ‘close’ to any of my female friends (intimacy issues: we don’t have to to get into all THAT right now though lol ahahaha....ha...) & I knew I wasn’t so called ‘skanky’ like all the girls who were labelled as being actually gay...

& this was all happening as I found myself actually being interested in looking at girls... (like what can I say? boobs are friggin nice to look at lol...) But i always saw it as innocent intrigue, since I was only 11/12 at the time so hadn’t grown into my own at the time... and the fact I felt more comfortable being touched by or talking to or like literally doing anything with girls? it’s just cos boys are gross there’s no other reason behind it!!.... right?

I think a big thing is that a lot of girls are so open with each other... like they’ll compliment each other’s boobs or asses, or comment on how pretty they are or their makeup skills or whatever.. you’ll be hard pressed to find a girl that goes all ‘no homo’ on her friend except.... I feel like that was me lol? I remember getting compliments from other girls about my appearance (didn’t happen often though pffft) or anything really and feeling all mushy inside, and giving the compliments back felt like a big deal to me? idk I suppose all the warning signs were there that hidden under layers of introverted awkwardness was a lil bi demon just waiting to come out lol!

So yadyyada, 2014 happens and I finally realise I’m bi... I just remember reading something on here about bisexuality and being like ‘oh damn yeh... dat me??’... like it felt amazing to be able to finally accept that I actually like girls too?? & one of the first people I told was this guy I became friends with when I first went to college... & he told me he was also bi and I remember thinking ‘wow!!!!! so it’s actually real?! it’s not just something you see on tumblr from random strangers, it’s an actual thing people I know irl experience wowwowowow’... I also came out to another online friend who I was close to, and it felt really amazing... but I could never translate that into actually coming out in real life (not to mention life was kinda shit at this time and I had like 0 friends but hEY, that’s not for now kiddos lol)...

So yeh, I’ve never actually come out to anyone... not properly anyway... I’ve always been very open about my sexuality online, but in real life I’ve never really discussed it with ... anyone? & it’s not because I’m ashamed in anyway, and it’s not even as if I’m that scared I just... I’ve never felt the need to? But after seeing Dan’s video, plus it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, this is something I really wanna do... see; I was so ready to live life just being ‘straight until I maybe get a girlfriend one day’, so ready to only tell people if they ask me but I just realised... isn’t that partly living a lie? who I’m with doesn’t change my sexuality, so why is it something I’m seemingly so scared of declaring to the world??

I vividly have this memory, before I realised I was bi, and I have no idea of why or when or any of the details, but me and my mum were watching something, and bisexuality was mentioned, and either my mum agreed with, or she said something along the lines of ‘bisexuals are more likely to cheat’, and that’s really stuck with me.... it’s something that’s always nagging in the back of my mind, and it... really fucking hurts lol... I know for a fact my mum will love my regardless of who I end up sleeping with or whatever, she may be pretty conservative in her mindset of things but she’s always willing to be open minded which I really love about her... but knowing this inbuilt stereotype of bisexuality is something she both acknowledges and somewhat agrees with is really... sad...

I’m 21 years old, I’ve been in one relationship in my life which only last a few months and involved no kissing and only occasional hand holding because I was too terrified to do any more (again: subject for aNOTHER day lol), and I know for a goddamn FACT that my sexuality would never make me more likely to be unfaithful to someone I claim to love...I really hate that this is associated with the label, but it’s something I know that I am...  why on earth would I change that or try to be something else when I know that /this/ is me!

I think one of the biggest things putting me off ‘coming out’ is having to explain yourself... like dan howell made a 45 minute long video discussing his own sexuality and experiences cos he knew people wouldn’t just accept it if he just tweeted ‘yo dawgs imma queer lol #swag’ one day, and it feels kinda annoying that queer people/lgbtq+ people feel like we can’t just...... be ourselves without having to justify or explain it?! (even me making this post is solidifying that factor lol... it’s a mess lol)... like I just wanna live my life being bi, is that so much to ask for lol?

I am so so SO grateful we have so much more bi, and lgbtq+ in general, representation in media these days.... it’s goddamn beautiful to see our stories, and the stories of our community being told and cherished by millions, and that’s really gotta be something to rejoice in this pride month!!!

(side note: dan also talks about gender identity & I have literally never related to anything more lol... like 90% of the time I don’t feel like what people classify as ‘womanly’ things... but also I am a woman? idk man lol just call me a formless blob or whatever it was he said lol as a baby no one really knew if I was a girl or boy since my mum mainly dressed me in yellow & I had like 2 strands of hairs on my head lol... damn I miss those days lol)

In conclusion (or tl;dr as I’ve seen the Cool people write on their long posts (yes I had to google what it meant shhhh)):

Hi, my name is Xanthe, my username is ‘dangerliesbeforeyou’ here on tumblr because I made it 7 years ago and I wanted to use a cool sounding harry potter quote so I could come across as sophisticated but also nerdy, I’m a 21 year old female (mostly?) and I am a proud Bisexual...

I’m also single and very ready to mingle if anyone is interested ;;;;;;;;;)

(that’s only half a joke lol... plz romance me I’m v lonely)

[aesjae]

[Hyung line + Mark] Reaction to their best friend flirting with them

A/N: Since I hadn’t done a reaction for a while, this is one for all of you :-) I’m only doing this for older members because it really feels weird for me to imagine 15/16-year-olds boldly flirting I-

Word Count: 1,738 Style/ Genre: Reaction/- Date posted: 8 Sept 2017

Taeil

Taeil is naturally shy and awkward as a person, and he would be quite reserved. Hence, when his best friend suddenly starts not-so-subtly flirting with him, he would be quite shocked and flustered, not knowing what to do. This situation would probably quite new to him, and he wouldn't be sure as to how to appropriately react, especially coming from his best friend, someone whom he only had friendly feelings from the start. Previously, he wouldn't think much about his feelings for his best friend, but such a bold action from somebody he was extremely close to, (or somebody who is originally just as shy and awkward as he is) would definitely make him think twice about how he feels about this friendship. If he finds himself actually enjoying the flirts, he may have a deep self-reflection about harboring any romantic feelings for his best friend.

Oh but if Taeil actually did like like his best friend, his dumb-and-dorky-Taeil™ would probably be activated, doing dumb actions without his own will ( probably like mixing up his words and tripping over nothing because he’s so flustered lmao )

"Haha, (Y/N).. Why are you doing this..? Hahahaha...." awkward laughter, eyes darting left and right

Johnny

To be very honest, although Johnny is a relatively outgoing and open minded person, he would probably be slightly taken aback by the daringness of the flirts coming from his best friend. He definitely wouldn't have expected it, and when these flirts came at the most unexpected moments, he would probably be stunned momentarily. If Johnny had genuine romantic feelings for his best friend, he would most likely be quite shy about this, probably merely imputing short comments since he wasn't really sure how to react, especially when it came from the best friend he loved romantically, but still be conscientious with his replies. Considering his feelings, he may become quite anxious to know the purpose of his best friend's flirts, thoughts of whether she/he liked him back running around his mind. If Johnny did not harbor any romantic feelings for his best friend, he might take it quite lightly, thinking that it may merely be a joke and be playing along with the fun. 

“Oh yes, I know that I’m sexy as hell, no need to tell me that twice ;-)”

Taeyong

Let's say Taeyong isn't exactly one of the members who could display his emotions or emotional and mental expressions very openly, so when his best friend starts to shamelessly flirt with him in front of his friends, he might not be able to register that very well. He would probably be very confused, continuously blinking his eyes, but internally his heart rate would speed up significantly as he would furiously think of a response. When his best friend starts to caress his arm or say some cringy pickup lines to him, his cheeks would form a bright pink blush and he may look like a lost puppy as he remains as still as stone. Not really knowing what to do, he may shyly attempt to flirt back, looking straight into his best friend’s eyes before winking seductively. However, Taeyong would then realise what he just did on the spur of the moment and instantly get super embarrassed, immediately nuzzling his head into his best friend’s shoulders to hide his embarrassment. 

Yuta

We all know that Yuta is quite flirty by nature so he may take his best friend's sudden flirts quite readily, regardless of how unexpected they were. Even if he genuinely liked his best friend in a romantic way, he would confidently be receiving the flirts and boldly flirting back himself. However, being the gentleman that he is, Yuta would definitely be aware of the boundaries that his flirts cannot cross. Nonetheless, the flirty interaction between him and his best friend would definitely attract the attention of their peers and friends, who may whistle and cheer at them. While this flirting experience with his best friend may be something new to him, he may actually like it since he would take it as an opportunity to be able to say whatever he wanted to always say to the person he had liked, and yet not embarrass himself should he know that the flirts from his best friend were only done out of fun. ( Of course, let’s hope that will never be the case, it’ll result in a very painful heartbreak :-( ) Being an actual softie and sweetheart on the inside, he would actually mean every word he said about you in his flirts.  ( Of course, let’s hope that will never be the case, it’ll result in a very painful heartbreak :-( )

Doyoung

Oh Dongyoungie~ I would say that Doyoung’s reaction would be kind of difficult to predict, and it’s possible that his reaction would be quite mixed. Knowing his best friend for a few years, he would have conscientiously observed the gradual growth of him/her. Perhaps, his best friend might have nurtured a slightly flirty nature recently, and when his best friend suddenly starts flirting with him when he/she had only been flirting with other people before, might surprise him slightly but he wouldn’t be that taken aback. Being the mom he is, he might mischievously chide his best friend for hitting on him and may joke that he is so handsome, charming and awesome that even his best friend has come to the point where he/she can’t help but flirt with him. Then again, if he did like his best friend in that way, he would be secretly happy on the inside, grinning while chiding his best friend and playfully nudging him/her in the shoulder. 

“Ya! Stop it, I know I’m fabulous but shhhh, I’m trying to be humble with my awesomeness here”

(This reminds me of when he scolded his fan for openly complimenting him during the fanmeet HAHA )

Ten

Ten is such a klutz, haha, but a lovable one. When his best friend abruptly starts to flirt with him, his expression would morph into a cute confused and helpless expression as he gradually takes in what his best friend just did. If the flirts were nothing too suggestive, he would think that they were really cute and start pinching his best friend’s cheeks, jokingly commenting that his beloved best friend had finally grown up and has started flirting with others now. However, if the flirts were slightly suggestive in some way, his eyes may widen in shock and horror, but he would understand the mature content amongst the flirts, and his face may start to flush to a crimson red, hastily using his hand to cup his best friend’s mouth. Even though I believe that Ten isn’t all that innocent, he would be quite embarrassed when someone, especially his best friend, said something suggestive to him in public. ( actually, i think he would be embarrassed even if it was said to him privately 😂 )

“Ohmygosh whatareyoudoing(Y/N), you’renotsupposedtosaysuchstuffinpublic!!!!!” rambles off in shyness

Jaehyun

Jaehyun would be quite shy when his best friend starts to flirt with him. Unlike some of the slower reaction members, he would process what was happening very quickly, a flustered expression immediately gracing its way on his face. When his best friend starts boldly commenting on how hot he is, drawing slow circles on the skin of his upper arm, he might let out an awkward laugh and also start drawing circles on his best friend’s arm in a not flirty way to try to overcome his awkwardness and embarrassment. Even if he did like his best friend romantically, he wouldn’t really like the sight of his best friend flirting with him, because it might make him feel that he is only raising his hopes up. Furthermore, he would like his best friend much better when he/she wasn’t trying hard to flirt with him, because he liked him/her for who he/she is originally, and wouldn’t really appreciate his best friend doing such stuff even if he/she did like him back. However, regardless of whether he had romantic feelings for his best friend or not, he would politely tell his best friend to stop it with a light and casual tone, commenting that his best friend need not flirt with him to make him/her feel special to him, because he/she already was.

Winwin

Oh Winwin~ I predict that Winwin would not have much reaction to his best friend flirting with him, only because he wouldn't have really noticed it 😂 His best friend would be like “Winwin~ You’re very hot today you know, but i mean you’re hot everyday right~ ;-)”, and he would literally go “Oh! You’re hot too my bestieee~ //innocent wink// ”. But there may also be cases when Winwin actually flirts back unconsciously, not even aware that he is in the midst of flirting. To him, it wouldn’t be much of an abnormality, as it was coming from his best friend, so he wouldn’t think too much about it or overreact. He would probably be a very blur kid. However, afterward, when Winwin finally has time to comprehend the previous interaction between him and his best friend, he might realise what had happened, only to gasp in astonishment that his best friend was hitting on him, and he had accidentally hit back on him/her. Being so embarrassed by his own actions, he would hide his face in his hands or in behind the person behind him.

Mark

Since Mark is still quite young, I doubt that he has much experience with flirting. except for haechan constantly trying to kiss him  Hence, he would be quite taken aback when his best friend starts to flirt with him. “Ya ;; Mwohaee;; Hajimayo ;;-;;” But when his best friend either continues flirting with him or laugh at his flustered reaction, he would start to get very shy and embarrassed, properly finding the nearest object he could reach to hide his face behind, not really knowing what to do.

Mark:  “Hey (Y/N), what would you like to eat?” // looks at menu // Best friend:  “Ahh I don’t know;;” Mark:  “Erm, choose something delicious then.” Best friend:  //looks straight into Mark’s eyes// “Well, the only delicious thing I could find is you though.” Mark:  //takes 2 seconds to process// “W-What??” //looks down and back up again only to realise his best friend is still staring at him with an inexplicable expression// Mark:  “Ah ;;-;;” //lifts menu up higher to hide his flushed face//

It wasn’t easy doing this scenario because every member’s personality is complex >;;< i’m sorry if this isn’t good, i’m kinda tired from studying haha.. but i hope uall like it...

[leonbastralle]

Replies To The Spammers

THANK YOU MY BABIES I LOVE YOU A WHOLE LOT

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Happy birthday, Snowdrift Miracle (10/21)! When a char isn’t even...”

This is so visually pleasing. Blue and purple work so well together.

YESSSSS IT IS LET ME FUCKING HUG YOU MY FRIEND ;_; please *shoves you everything* enjoy this crazy clusterfuck of emotions you started you’re very welcome

amixofpixels replied to your photoset

🤣😂🤣😂

amixofpixels replied to your photoset

Beautiful.

i know.

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Heart eyes all over the place.”

I'll go shame myself now.

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Heart eyes all over the place.”

I FORGOT ABOUT JEWEL!

WHATTTTT HOW COULD YOU!! ;_;

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “™¥”

Look at this lime green fellow... <3

I love him ♥ he’s the best most handsom and most chill (and least mine because his original version was made by someone else)

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Flame is more than happy to see his son again!”

Is Flame going to be forever young?

yes, he is!

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Rare pajama girls! I love Connie’s top ;_; also no make up Glade.”

I'm going to steal them, okay? Okay.

No.

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Sisters.”

But how pretty are these two? ^-^

too pretty.

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Sisters.”

Well from here. I'm too lazy to go all the way back.

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Sisters.”

Okay in the words of Destiny's Child. 'I don't think you are ready for this jelly.'. Let's get liking all the things.

I actually wasn’t ready for another round of spam when I woke up ;_; but it got me in a good way! Esp the love for the boys, that always gets you bonus points XD tho I hope you saw all the other important stuff that happened before this too!

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “@pixeldemographics dared me to do this, so I did it. This isn’t THE...”

WORK!!!!!

work...?

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “I don’t know why I don’t want anybody else but you No one could ever...”

also that song ;_;

it’s one of my faves. Esp like...a month ago or so I couldn’t stop listening to it.

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “I don’t know why I don’t want anybody else but you No one could ever...”

I ALREADY SAW IT BUT STILL

it works every single time

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “S: Radiance!! You cannot just throw my sandwich on the ground! That...”

look at radiance tho

she’s like ‘LALALA CAN’T HEAR YOU’ xD I wonder what it’s like to grow up with three teen siblings?

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “S: There he goes.”

look at sprout watching over them it's so cute ;_____;

Sprout is the true main character of this storyline. You’ll see.

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “F: Aur!!!!! I…I love you so much. I cried, honestly.  A: Flame, I…I...”

These two seriously ♥

yeah. yeah i know. i, too, die. a lot.

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “A: Now I’m aware not everyone is happy about the results of this...”

Annie for real if I ever achieve something big and I need a speech I'll come to you xD

nahhhhhhh please do not

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “A: Now I’m aware not everyone is happy about the results of this...”

THIS IS SO GREAT

THANK YOU I LOVED IT TOO

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Two hours later… F: Hey Rad! The other dad’s gonna hold a speech, are...”

AKJFDKDKJF reminds me of their wedding when (mostly) everyone came ;__;

everyone except Sprout xD how dare they

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset

look at him ;________;

my love for this man will never cease tbh

grumpysimmies replied to your photo “pixeldemographics: @romeo-and-simulet”

(would your heart break now if I said snowdrift and ficus xD)

Obviously not. Though I still prefer seeing Flame and Aur as the most iconic duo...just because they’re so good and right and easy...Idk man. They’re just iconic in a different way.

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Warm family reunion? Cassia & Paul ~”

guys contain your emotions a little bit xD

it feels so wrong what the game is doing to them xD I mean you know the story you know it wasn’t thaaaaaaat bad

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “A: Shhhh. It’s fine. Relax. You can still say no- or take your time....”

you gotta admit that they look very good together ;__;

that is the point. Also the way I decided on the heiress tbh

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “?: Ah, finally. I was getting real tired of this blasted lamp prison....”

he's pulling a face and yet I can't help but find him too cute xD

he IS cute!

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “M: Oh wow…this is so old! But still so well preserved! I’m getting...”

and I can't help but wonder if they're going to come back or something

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “M: Oh wow…this is so old! But still so well preserved! I’m getting...”

I'm curious about that owner too

as I said, that’s gonna be in the story ;) once I get back...which might take a year. Ugh can I do this full time please?

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Sad Potato is back! And she’s back GOOOD I have not seen such an OP...”

I wanna hug her too ;__;

she’d love for you to hug her! she needs it (you know best)

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset

what a cute kitty ;_;

I can’t believe I used to not like her xD but the second batch of kitties really changed my mind...they were A MESS

grumpysimmies replied to your post “This is so late and it’s not even Sunday”

afkjfdkjf you're too cute annie ;__;

I try

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset

so adorable ;__________;

ALL THOSE STUPID BABIES I SWEAR

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “A: You are my youngest daughter and I cherish you.”

have I ever said how much I love seeing aur with his babies (most of them are grown up but yeah)

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “A: You are my youngest daughter and I cherish you.”

AKJFDKDKJFKJFDKJ

you haven’t but I know what you mean ;_; it’s a sight for sore eyes. He’s such a great dad.

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “And he goes straight to aging up…he’s not happy. Me neither. He looks...”

what will you (and me) feel when he becomes an elder ;____________;

nothing, cause it won’t happen XD thank Carys for convincing me to keep him around as an adult forever. (even though that means my game will explode at the start of gen 8 because there are too many icons in one save)

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Cause of death: Des’ smiley face”

what a nice way to die

the best way to die (okay I’m lying that would be snowdrifticus)

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “Jian aka my new fave troublemaker, 50% chill 50% …not chill at all,...”

WOW HELLO THERE

BASICALLY (look! more chars I haven’t bothered you with yet!)

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “let’s take a moment to appreciate this guy’s fashion choices.”

let's also take a moment to appreciate how cute monarch is ;______;

;____; I thought we were taking a lot of moments for that

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “I was not prepared guys ;_; look at all these beauties!!!”

these kids man

what a freaky throwback

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset “The smug face of a fine man who did not age one bit.”

TIGER ;______________;

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset

THE SMALL TIGER ;_______;

you really do love your tigers ;)

grumpysimmies replied to your photoset

she's so cute ;_;

SHE IS AND THAT HAIR TOO I MISS HER CHILD SELF SO MUCH

grumpysimmies replied to your post “I'm actually starting to wonder if people really do care about my...”

I still can't believe that happened ._.

me neither, but look! I got a new face that is actually purple unlike all the others that were there before so I hope they’re now very angry also mostly angry at themselves for being turned on by said purple face

[emlandreth]

2•20•17••blessings & curses

What would a good day without a little bad, right? My dramatic and "inside my head" thinking tells me I've had ENOUGH bad and really fucking deserve some solid good news, you feel me? Well, it's been a long couple years. I'm in that "20 something--trying to figure out what the hell makes you tick, while attempting adulthood, alongside trying not to let the power of others' and their lavish opinions slip in and ruin you..." kinda stage. You get that, right? Thought so. But the fact of the matter is, we all get ruined, right? It doesn't always appear that way, especially when you only have one outlet to view and make a decent judgement call; social media is usually that outlet, these days. BUT, --in my opinion--there are very few folks who don't completely fake their happiness/entire lives via social media. I am just as guilty of doing the same, however, I tend to use social media for articles, communication, jobs if need be, posting photos or my quotes that I am a little obsessed with. (Shhhh, it can't be too obvious) So, maybe someone is being honest or maybe someone is completely fooling you, either way, our minds wander when reading our high school friend just got engaged, or bought a house, or got that dream job, car, or partner. We are human, and humans are jealous little shits. That jealously can either eat away at your desire to motivate yourself and build your future, OR it can push you to be that much better. Everyone uses jealously in such a negative connotation, but I believe that the universe or your faith (whichever, if any, you choose to place your faith of a higher power) can use those types of emotions to allow us to evaluate our own shit and help us realize where the hell we need to be, or shouldn't have been, be with or not be with, or whatever your season of life is offering you, at that time. Right? Why can't we just take the lesson and twist it to fit our own personal needs. I was one of those folks that allowed jealously to eat me. Alive. I felt smothered by the demon named comparison. It's pure evil, if you ask me. And although I say that, on the other side of the spectrum, I am forever grateful for that evil and antagonizing demon. For it is from that; my motivation began to spark and allow my journey to unfold from, what seemed like WAS my end when all I really needed was a push to see the darkness with a different pair of lenses. Rose colored. Rose colored lenses, when reflected inward have a power that results in progress, happiness, or personal satisfaction. Wow? How could such a blessing come from the very curse we assumed would kill us? Ha---comedic break, life is hysterical. Find time to just fucking laugh straight in his face, because it's truly solely about perspective and how you choose to handle your given journey. Nothing to some, is literally everything to the next. How the hell is that even possible? HAHHAHAHA I'm not really sure the exact point of this post, just 3am ramblings from an exhausted, over-thinking, sometimes dramatic, laugh loving, big hearted, depressed, yet motivated, "20 something" year old. Shit. I'm everything almost every day. Every day my emotions get the best of me, but I can also take power over that If I so choose. Somedays are much better than others. Mondays in my world rock, while the rest of you punks wish it away, without knowing I've just completed a 39 hour shift (yes, 39 hours straight) and desperately push through, just to make it to MONDAY, while the remaining world dreads it. See, funny, Right? Shit. Dont compare. Take things as they come, yet be aware enough of the future that allows your power to overrule. Love your family, you will miss them and regret the time you're wasting on dumbass arguments or wasted quality time, just fucking do it. The deep breath you'll aqquire after a trying or different task, will be worth it. But yeah, think about it, you won't do it. Society, you're the reader and individual. See what I did there? Perspective. Let that fire fuel your madness, maybe it's not always a bad thing to add some fuel to the fire.