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i-like-yoongi-a-latte · 4 years ago

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3,9,12,18 & 33 💬

I know that these are going to be loooooooong so I’ll put them under a cut! Thank you for sending me the rant ones lol 💕 Below the cut is a rant about kindness and Louis Tomlinson and a bit of something else.

unusual(ish) asks

3. rant. just do it

First thing that comes to mind is what we were talking about in our gc today. Why can’t people be nice to each other? It’s sad to see fellow bloggers leave this site because they don’t feel good/safe/happy, like they felt before. I get sad every time I see someone I follow or someone I have seen on my dash deactivate their blog. And I get more sad when they explain that they’ve been getting hate. Some people come here to see and experience happy things, but then they are getting (anon) hate or evil comments etc, which sucks. I can’t relate to this because I haven’t gotten any anon hate - I’m lucky in that way. What if people remembered this: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say a thing. I don’t get the idea behind anon hate, why would you waste your energy on saying bad things to each other? And if you can’t say it with your nickname/url/name, then don’t say it. And before you send the hate message, think: How would I feel if I got this kind of comment? If you feel like it would be mean and make you feel bad - don’t send it. You can send constructive criticism on someone’s work, sure (if they ask for it), but plain hate is not nice. And if you don’t like someone’s content or blog or opinions - the unfollow button is right there! I feel like people would rather take the unfollowers than the hate. But I can’t speak for everyone here, so this is my opinion and my rant. Remember, YOU create YOUR social media experience by (un)following. Spread kindness around. I’ll use Harry’s line - Treat people with kindness.

On another note, I feel like tumblr isn’t that happy place compared to what it used to be, in my point of view. I feel like there’s a lot of negativity and drama here, which I don’t blame on anyone, it just feels like it. So I haven’t been that active here, yet I can’t really stay away so I scroll around. I have gotten friends from here and I still can find happiness here, but sometimes it feels a bit much, so I might take a break from scrolling around.

ALSO I feel so stressed because of university, I feel like I have too much stuff I have to do so I stress and procrastinate a lot which makes me feel bad about myself.

9. favorite brand of clothing?

I don’t have a favorite brand to be honest, I like clothes that are comfy and feel nice. Although I have to say that Billebeino hoodies are one of my favorite ones - they’re soft and nice and they’re not that expensive (says me, who has three of their hoodies, two of which I have bought when they were on sale)

12. what’s the most interesting schools gossip you’ve ever heard?

I’m so boring, I can’t really think of one... or can I? Maybe one of the most interesting ones was when one boy from our class was caught kissing one girl (who was not in our high school) in the toilet corridor and it was such an unusual couple that people couldn’t believe it. Like, they were complete opposites in every aspect. (who am I to judge tho)

18. rant about your favorite musician

THANK YOU for giving me this time to talk about my fave, Louis Tomlinson. (Harry dear I’m sorry I had to choose) FIRST, Louis is so brave and inspirational. He has been through a lot, one could say he’s been through too much. I will not go into detail, but he’s lost family members and I can’t even imagine his pain. I’ve cried while reading his interviews and while watching his performances, and while listening to his song Two Of Us. He’s so raw in a way, like he shows his emotions and he really shows what’s important to him. His teachers have told him that he’ll never amount to anything, like, that’s not a thing you say to a child/teen/student of any age (side note: do some teachers realize that they have a huge influence on children’s lives?). Rather, you don’t say that to anyone. Louis has said that he doubted himself and his solo career. He has written amazing songs during 1D days, the albums are bangers (listen to Midnight Memories) and the lyrics are so different compared to their first and second album. He’s the one who changed One Direction’s sound from the boyband style to a more mature style. He’s an amazing songwriter and an amazing artist, yet he was insecure about his success as a solo artist. This sounds weird, because he has the potential to be a huge star and he is exactly that. He didn’t believe in his abilities and I feel so sad, who made him think like that??? I’m not completely on board with things but his record label held him back and didn’t promote his songs and album in any way. He was told not to release that song, instead he had to release this one etc. He has had a very bumpy ride to where he is now, and he’s come so far and proved the critics wrong, and I’m extremely proud of him. His voice is angelic, his vocal range is amazing, he’s come from the few lines per album to a song that’s basically Louis ft. One Direction (No Control, check it out thanks) and eventually to a whole album of just him. And more is to come, or so he hinted. The opening/closing line “Nothing wakes you up like waking up alone” in Walls is something very powerful and deep, I think it’s amazing how that line can include so much.

Louis is soft, kind, sweet, adorable and funny. His accent is so nice, you can hear it in his songs and when he talks it’s kind of his own language, but it’s so him. He might seem like a tough guy on the outside with his middle fingers and all that but he’s a real softie and he cares about his fans so much. He has fairy lights around his house, and if that’s not soft enough for you I don’t know what is. He looks adorable in sweater paws and he’s so tiny (yes he’s taller than me but shh) and I love the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles. He’s sarcastic and his giggles are precious. He loves his fans as much as his fans love him. He has said “It’s not a bad life, it’s just a bad day” to his sister, and that quote stuck with me. I don’t necessarily live by any quote, but I try to remember that one everyday.

Lastly, please give this talented man a chance and listen to his album Walls, here’s a link to Spotify. Thank you for reading this. I love him.

33. what do you think about a lot

One Direction. All the stuff around them and the unanswered questions. I also think about life and my future and what if I fail at things. Like what if I fail in my studies or what if I won’t succeed in anything. This got kinda deep, it started as a joke. Oops.

#i got excited #i even thought if i should make that louis rant into its own post #thank you! 💕#answered #ask game #i need a tag for elisa #friends #tommo

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

Text

Saint & Leilani

Saint: So, how many people with my surname have found their way into your inbox today? Leilani: few Saint: I hope those few have behaved and not been too taxing on your typing fingers or your patience Leilani: you're making it sound more fun & scandalous than it came close to Saint: That would be an odd but not unentirely precedented way to welcome you for us Saint: I'm just more than aware how...much, shall we be polite and say, some of them can be, even at the best of times Leilani: 😅 Leilani: are you forgetting which one of you I live with? Saint: 😅 Saint: I am in no way doubting your ability to cope with it, or previous experience doing so, just apologizing for the times you don't feel like being so gracious about their...persistence Leilani: thanks, I think? Leilani: the sentence was a mouthful to digest but I detected some sweetness in it Saint: I'm happy to apologize for my taste as well Saint: and will try to be more palatable Leilani: coming thick & fast but still smooth with it, that's impressive Saint: I'll accept that I'm potentially being much of a muchness with some of the more well-meaning but over-the-top members of my family, if that's what you're saying Saint: but admittedly, I'll struggle to hear I'm on par with certain ones who best remain nameless until I get more of a gage for your tolerance of their particular brand of care 😅 Leilani: I'm not saying much, personally, until I work out how much of this welcome wagon is genuinely what you'd like to say vs what you feel like you must Leilani: to make up for the rest or walk on eggshells in case I crack up Saint: Well, I haven't been instructed to talk to you, if that's what you mean Saint: and without a doubt, I have no idea how I would ideally like to broach this subject, because I have literally no firsthand experience Saint: I imagine that must be frustrating, is it? Leilani: it can be coming from you but not coming from you, if you know what I mean Leilani: deep in there, maybe you've got a whole other convo you'd love to be having Saint: I'm receptive to any conversation you'd like to have Saint: well, almost any, I'm sure Leilani: you & everybody else Leilani: the talk about me is non-stop Saint: We wouldn't have to talk about you Saint: I don't have any particular bias towards the subject of you, though it would be bad manners to ask you no questions about yourself, I can refrain if you have, like I said and assumed, had enough for a while Leilani: it's good manners if I'm in no mood to answer questions about me Leilani: but it'd be my bad to tell you to shush & end this convo just like that Saint: As you've saved me from the mortal sin of impoliteness with your rhetoric there, I'll save you from having to do so and can leave it there Leilani: take a turn in the hot seat, see how you feel about it Leilani: prep if I haven't saved you from 👿🔥 Saint: I'm not inclined to believe the creator would be that unforgiving, but that's what Catholicism will do for your morals, I suppose Saint: Fire away, as it were 🔥 Leilani: you're a catholic? Saint: Culturally, definitely Saint: I'm not sure my commitment to the church is such I can claim myself as fully saved, yet Leilani: mine goes as far as loving the 1st Eid for its treats & ignoring the sacrifices of the 2nd, can't call it commitment Saint: I don't think you're alone in that philosophy and approach Saint: but I don't necessarily think that's terrible at all, as long as you're finding some joy and fulfilment from religion- that is certainly a huge tenant of all the ones I've heard of, so it can only be a positive Leilani: how my friends celebrate 🎄🎁🎅 shows me I'm not Leilani: party > church Saint: Precisely, commercialism argument aside Saint: any promotion of togetherness, community and goodwill, what could be the issue? Leilani: the issue is in the confusion Leilani: people thinking it's something its not Saint: There's plenty issue around 🎄🎁🎅 but no more than most anything in our society today Leilani: if you're trying to take issue with something on any level, you'll find a way Saint: Don't you think problems should be solved? Leilani: if it can Leilani: big if Saint: Of course Saint: I think the if only makes the pursuit of more vital, I don't find it to be invalidating Leilani: sure but some questions aren't if or but ones Saint: Such as? Leilani: if I said, you're the fittest member of this family, let's go out, your answer would be no, becos you are a member of this family, it doesn't matter if you add I would if I wasn't Leilani: the answer's still no Saint: No, my answer would be that there's truly only one absolute in this life Saint: that I know of Saint: there are laws, ethics, morality and codes of conduct in all societies, sure Saint: but nothing is certain Leilani: birth & death are certain Leilani: one brought you here, the other me Saint: I was thinking about death Saint: birth is luck, usually, it's a little different Leilani: 🤔 Leilani: accepted Saint: We can differ on perspectives there, it's fine 😃 Saint: in fact, the father would probably want to put forth an argument for the opposite, now I think about it Saint: worse Catholic than I thought Leilani: I was thinking that 🤰 = birth, the certainty part being you don't get to stay in but you know Saint: I see what you mean Saint: anyone that is here is a certainty Saint: think we're going into Schroedinger territory there, I respect it Leilani: 🙀📦 Saint: 👍 Saint: who am I to say that whatever people are before and after they're people here can't debate philosophy Leilani: these are bigger questions than I expected Saint: And I wasn't meant to even ask how you were Saint: 🤐 Saint: go on Leilani: I've got a headache now 😅 Saint: Oh dear Saint: That's the first time that's happened, I would assure you but that sounds like a losing battle and another knock for my ego Leilani: your ego wants to take it as brush off, retro as hell Leilani: but I don't get questions that deep posed around me is all Saint: Retro...God, just don't take my 'deep' questions as a sign of pretension or I'm getting more tragic by the second! Leilani: it's okay I'm not a downtrodden wifey from back in the day, we're in an era where I can just tell you no Saint: and we're all the better for it Saint: though I don't think I've asked you any question where you'd be directly answerable to me 🤔 Saint: giving me a little too much credit for the universe and it's many questions there Leilani: I don't want your ego to end this convo black & blue Saint: That's very kind of you Saint: but my ability to take criticism could be compared to your ability to cope with Grace, just so we're clear Leilani: Grace isn't hard to cope with Leilani: I like her Saint: I'm glad to hear that, it would be really hard if you didn't Saint: harder, than it is, of course Saint: don't think I'm bashing her really, as I said, they all mean well, I can just imagine that relentless good intentions and meaningful conversations to be had would get very exhausting very fast Leilani: everything's happened fast Leilani: they're all playing catch up to the unexpected Saint: But you're the important one here Saint: most, although I was adding that to try and take the pressure off but clearly that's easier said than done Leilani: this is where I add something about pressure creating 💎 Saint: I don't loathe the sentiment but does it make you feel any better? Leilani: no Saint: then I wouldn't worry Saint: and I doubt there's anything hugely meaningful I can do to make you feel better in an impactful, big way Saint: but if you think of anything on a smaller scale that you would like Saint: don't hesistate to ask Leilani: will you introduce me to everyone in a retro way? Leilani: 🗨 & 🤝 Saint: That I can do Saint: The upsides to this family being as large as it is is that you're never short of functions to hijack for whatever purpose you may need Saint: and you won't have to worry about being centre of attention unless it's your birth, wedding or death Saint: even then, people have their own agendas Leilani: no pressure or as close as Leilani: when's the next? Saint: Exactly Saint: [literally whatever and whenever we want, offer a selection to show your point lol] Leilani: [picks the one where she can serve the best lewk because gotta make an impression regardless especially when you're nervous] Leilani: it's a date Saint: That it is Saint: if you'd rather show up with another kid, I'm happy to come pick you up from Grace's Saint: up to you, of course Leilani: pick me up 🚗 Leilani: I have no idea how Grace is allowed on the road Saint: 😅 Saint: I suppose they reckon the amount of potholes, we're all playing a dangerous game at the mercy of the council Leilani: 🙏 by god's grace like Saint: Seems that's all that's left in the budget 🙄 Leilani: 😅😅 Saint: I think you're in my sister's year Saint: Venus, that is Leilani: what should I think about it? Saint: You know you hypothesized that I was the fittest member of this family? Leilani: it's too late to drop the bomb that I should've asked her to pick me up Saint: She'll need a lift as much as you Saint: but meaning, she'd have taken DEEP offence to that assertion Saint: the headache would be realer Leilani: oops Leilani: & yikes Saint: again, not here on a smear campaign Saint: but I'd be doing you a disservice if I pretended she's universally easy to get on with Saint: perhaps you'll take to each other though Leilani: I'm not easy to get on with atm Leilani: but I do get a free pass Saint: You're doing fine Saint: unless this is your attempt at belligerence, in which case, sorry 😬 Leilani: attempting nothing but no pressure face to face intros Leilani: how could you forget already? Saint: 🤦 forgive me? Leilani: 💅 Leilani: hold on, I'll ask myself what my god would do Leilani: ... Leilani: yeah sure Saint: 😅 Saint: I was hoping distraction only fell under bad manners, not sin Leilani: it depends how you're distracting me Saint: What I offered would depend on how 😇/😈 you preferred your distractions Leilani: if I don't have both on offer how can I possibly choose? Saint: That's completely fair, actually Leilani: I know Leilani: so don't be unfair Saint: Wouldn't dream of it Leilani: is there anyone else you'd like to warn me about, while you're being fair? Leilani: or anyone I should run into the arms of like 🤗🤗? Saint: Warn would be extreme Saint: I don't think anyone is that bad Saint: I would have to know you better personally to say who I think you'd really click with, but there's plenty of us, I'm sure you will with someone Leilani: indulge me in the drama of it, St Leilani: 🤦😅 Saint: Oh, right Saint: you want the gossip of it all so you also have prior information on them coming into the conversations Saint: let me think then Leilani: I miss when my friends wanted to talk about that stuff Leilani: instead of me & my feelings Saint: That makes sense Saint: maybe you and Vee will get on then Saint: there's just a lot of drama to get into Saint: your head and inbox would be rocked Leilani: I've got time Leilani: & my head's already a mess Saint: Okay then Saint: bear with me if my typing speed gets retro Leilani: 😄 Saint: [just methodically go through all that is messed up with the fam nbd] Leilani: holy hell Leilani: I know I asked for that but did I though? Leilani: where have I come to live Leilani: 👋🚕 Saint: Yes Saint: sorry Leilani: hold on I need to just ✈️ Leilani: I thought my mum's relationship history was crazy Saint: It is what it is Saint: we all still manage fine Leilani: by the grace of god again, or whatever other means necessary Saint: Maybe Saint: I don't think it's all that dire now Leilani: maybe when I've come though all the stages of grief I'll be able to let you know what I think Saint: Look forward to it Leilani: I did make it sound really hot Saint: 😏 Saint: we're not all messed up, thank you Leilani: I'm used to being that half of the convo Leilani: you do you Saint: How are you messed up then? Leilani: other than having no parents now? Saint: Yeah Leilani: I'm not doing this right Leilani: any of it Saint: What aren't you doing right? Leilani: I miss her but like she's gone on holiday or a work course Leilani: not like she's never coming back Saint: Well, what's the first stage of grieving Saint: you feel like you aren't missing her hard enough, but if you were out of denial already, you'd actually be taking it way too fast Saint: be rude, right? Saint: Think of it like that Leilani: my rudeness is worse, wanting to hang out with my friends how I did before Leilani: care about 👗👠💄 Saint: Your entire world has been turned upside down Saint: of course you're craving normality Saint: I'm not just saying all this to appease you Saint: you're a kid that just lost her mum Saint: I literally do not believe there's any way you could get through this that would be wrong, or would reflect poorly on you Leilani: she needs to walk back in & badmouth all her worst clients Leilani: she can't be lost Saint: I'm so sorry Saint: that it's so unfair Leilani: unfair was when my dad stopped sending money & letters after going back home for what he said would be a few months Leilani: this is Leilani: I don't even know Saint: How old were you? Leilani: does it make a difference? Saint: Did it? Leilani: I'd just started school, so financially, yeah Saint: Do you know what he's doing now, like, where he is? Leilani: no Leilani: my mum said he had another family there Leilani: someone he was actually married to Saint: Right Saint: that was a cowardly thing for him to do Saint: the minimum would've been financial support Leilani: sadly I can't get it backdated Leilani: imagine Leilani: 👗👠💄 Saint: I'd have to look into it Saint: but probably not Saint: very hard to enforce at any rate Leilani: & taking food out of his other children's mouths, assuming he has some others Saint: Yeah Saint: but you can't be held responsible for his life choices Leilani: neither can they then Saint: I meant it'd be his problem to worry about and solve Saint: but I can understand not wanting to literally steal candy from a baby, as it were Leilani: I haven't been his problem for years, I'm Grace's now Leilani: this family's with all their existing crazy Saint: Okay, getting in contact with your dad for reparations isn't the first step Leilani: it's a mis-step Leilani: he fell off the earth, I'm not following him Saint: Okay Saint: so, what would you be doing with your friends today, if things were normal? Leilani: 🛍 Saint: So, I'll give you both options Saint: I can drive you to your friends, or whatever 🛍 you go to with them Saint: or you can come 🛍 with me Leilani: you can take me Leilani: they don't know how to act now that I'm 💣💥 Saint: they probably think they're giving you time Saint: but really, they're asking for it Saint: at least, that's how I see it Saint: maybe next weekend, or the next Saint: but we can go for now Leilani: it's okay, I wouldn't deal any better if the roles were reversed Leilani: it's not their bad that there's nothing to say or do Saint: You're very fair Saint: not to detract from how much of a 💣💥 you feel Leilani: you're flattering me like I'm not a 💣💥 Leilani: I don't know what that says about you Saint: It's honesty, not flattery Saint: The situation is a 💣💥 Saint: I've seen people handle significantly worse, that's all Leilani: it feels nice, honesty doesn't usually Saint: that's a resounding endorsement Saint: probably a bit too smug to put on a poster or LinkedIn but still, I appreciate it Leilani: you know what I mean, honesty is usually like that 💅 isn't the one or you need braces, child Saint: I think people purposefully conflate being honest with being rude Saint: but you can weaponize anything if you're that sort of person Leilani: yeah ☕ Saint: There's plenty of that sort at church Leilani: & the salon Saint: I've spent less time there myself but I imagine they're much of a muchness Saint: 👵 they all love me, obviously but father is a perfect case study for diplomacy Leilani: it's a type of church for some people Leilani: they take it as serious as a religion Saint: Hair and beauty has always been important Leilani: they just like being able to see results, there's no guarantee when you pray Saint: I'd argue there's no guarantee you get the result you wanted Saint: perhaps even less than 🙏 Saint: maybe you get what you need, not what you want Leilani: 😅😅 Leilani: maybe not for 👵 if they're trying to look 👩 Saint: it highlights the limitations of communication Saint: you think you've asked concisely for one thing, and you end up with something that's nothing like that at all Leilani: I swear I did see my mum work some genuine miracles, that said Saint: It is without a doubt impressive what can be achieved Leilani: what do you want to be? Saint: I want to work for the government Leilani: we haven't been talking that long but that has come through Saint: Is there any particular way you'd like me to take that honesty? Leilani: as a compliment? Leilani: I think Saint: 😅 I think I can manage that then Leilani: I'll tell you what I used to want to be when I was a child, that's weirder Saint: Not admitting it's weird, but go on Saint: I'm intrigued Leilani: clues: Leilani: 🦷💉🥛😁 Leilani: 🚫🍬🍭🍫 Saint: Okay, question, just the one Saint: did you want to be rich or did you just really care about oral hygiene? Leilani: I wanted to make people pretty like my mum, I suppose was the thought process Leilani: & 😁 = happy Saint: So it's even more adorable than I first thought Saint: you don't want to be a dentist anymore? Leilani: the reality is way more gory than I knew then Saint: That's enough to give me a headache Leilani: I need a job with no blood or pus Leilani: even typing that made me feel weird Saint: 😖 Saint: Subject change Saint: are you going to buy anything today? Leilani: do I need to dress to impress your family or just myself? Saint: do you want me to invite my family out shopping with us? Leilani: you do have a lot of sisters Leilani: but you know I meant do I need a new outfit for this meet & greet you're taking me to of the entire extended clan Saint: Oh, gotcha Saint: dress for yourself, of course Saint: unless dressing to impress makes you feel more at ease, in which case, go for that and you won't be alone Leilani: it can't hurt Saint: No, there we go then 😊 Saint: though you can still do the aimless browsing I know 🛍 trips are really about, of course Leilani: are you looking to dress up too? Saint: I like to look presentable Leilani: oh good becos if it was just me, Grace & your sister that'd be a statement Saint: 😅 Saint: don't worry, it won't be Leilani: I'll do my happy dentist 😁 then Leilani: as I'm thrilled Saint: I'm just as 😁 to hear that Leilani: I'll try not to turn it into a frown with excessive browsing Leilani: no promises Saint: I've got a lot of sisters, as you said Saint: I'm sure I'll cope Leilani: which one's your favourite? Saint: which sister? 😂 Saint: I'm not sure there's a diplomatic way to answer that Leilani: answer it honestly, I can promise not to slide in to share the news Saint: Well, Jay is older and we didn't meet her until she was a kid so that combined with her personality makes her the most chilled out now Saint: Vee is younger but still close enough that we were kids together, so that makes her prime annoying younger sister category Saint: then the twins are that much younger that they get to be removed from that, and I have more of that protective older brother in me Leilani: Okay so Jay's your fave Leilani: what's your brother like? Saint: No, I didn't say that Saint: but she wasn't here in the beginning and she's grown up and gone now, it's easy to have less negatives to say about her Leilani: how old were you when you met? Saint: I was about 3 when we found out about her Saint: but the process took a while because she had a dad that raised her and still wanted to even though she wasn't his like he thought Saint: I think I was about 8 when she moved in and spent most of her time with us Leilani: that must have been such a weird time Saint: it was Saint: Vee was born around the time we found out about her so Saint: that was a trial too Leilani: your parents have had a LOT going on Saint: Yes, it seems to be their forte Leilani: your brother then Saint: he's younger too, so again, protective Saint: probably because we're outnumbered too Leilani: an if question Leilani: if you had to give me one of them, as an only child, which one would you give me? Saint: 😂 an odd request but okay, let me 🤔 Saint: Probably Sekh Saint: from the short conversation we've had, you have things in common, that would work well 🛍👠💄👗 Leilani: you're gonna separate the twins? very disney channel Saint: It was either lump them in together there and offend them, or separate and acknowledge that they're separate people Saint: they'll understand 😅 Leilani: 😅 Leilani: safer if I ask Grace for a pet instead Saint: Sure that she'd be down for that Saint: 🐰🐹🐱🐶🐠? Leilani: 🤔 Saint: That is a big decision Saint: best to take your time, decide how much effort you wanna put in to day to day care Leilani: 🐱 or 🏠🐰 Saint: Cute Saint: got any names or do you need to see it before assigning one Leilani: it feels fairer to meet them 1st Saint: 👍 Saint: we can go to the nearest pet shop/shelter if you'd like Leilani: adopt don't shop, St Leilani: or else 👿🔥 Saint: Indeed 😏 Saint: but you know most shops rescue their animals now anyway Saint: except fish...but I don't know how we're morally meant to feel about breeding fish? Leilani: we won't buy any, be on the safe & 😇 side Saint: It's your day Saint: I wouldn't try to bring you down to 👿🔥 levels Leilani: thanks, I have only just moved in Saint: Definitely not my intention with this conversation, or any going forward Leilani: that comes through too Saint: Is that a compliment? Leilani: I don't know if you're 😁 or not to be a good & polite boy Saint: Why would I want to be anything less 😇? Leilani: becos of your name maybe Saint: Subverting expectations Saint: I'd argue people expect the opposite from me though, regardless of my first name Leilani: in your case pressure makes 😇 Saint: 🤞 I hope so Leilani: I'll subvert expectations for us both Saint: Is that your new plan? Leilani: I don't really have one Leilani: other than the 🛍 Saint: Well, you have time Leilani: yeah, it's the keyword that's getting thrown around most atm Saint: It's not provably true but it's most likely the case Leilani: & it'll fill an awkward silence Saint: I can clearly talk enough for the both of us Saint: it doesn't need to be awkward Leilani: this isn't, but remember how we ref-ed that you weren't the only McKenna in my 💬📱 Saint: Right Saint: is there anything you'd like me to do, beyond the formal introductions Saint: politely suggest some people give it some time, perhaps? Leilani: use the time thing against them, I like it 😅 Saint: Only fair 🙂 Saint: consider it done Leilani: we're back into retro hubby & wifey territory Saint: You think? Leilani: it's very defence squad but I'm not 😤 Saint: I'm not helping you because you're a girl and I'm a boy Saint: just because I have the ability to Leilani: I know, you're coming across capable Saint: I'd like to think so Saint: but bragging about it would not be 😇 nor helpful Leilani: I've got your back in hyping you up a 😇 amount Saint: That's sweet Saint: I promise my ego is not that fragile that I need you to but it's still nice Leilani: I'd like to think I am Leilani: that it's not all doom & gloom in me, but maybe time will have to tell, annoyingly Saint: It shows Saint: honestly Saint: you aren't what's happened to you, even if that is all you can think about right now, or feel it's all you're meant to, or are allowed to, whatever Leilani: whether or not I'm her death, I was her life Leilani: there's credit for how she raised me, I mean Saint: Definitely Saint: I don't know you yet, but I would like to get to know you, from what I've seen Saint: I won't throw out proud for her but, you know Saint: I would be in her position Leilani: I don't know what to say Leilani: that feels above nice to hear Saint: I'm almost certain she would want you to know that, at the very least Leilani: yeah, she would Leilani: she wasn't too humble for a brag Saint: 😅 Saint: you should continue that tradition then Leilani: you'll regret saying that when I make you take 10000000000000s of pictures of me posing in different 👗 Saint: 😏 I'll have to buy myself something expensive to cope, I'm sure Leilani: ⌚️ so you can keep an eye on the time Saint: I have an uncharacteristically free day today Saint: my time is yours Leilani: what are we waiting for? come get me Saint: That's what I was waiting for Saint: I'll be with you shortly Leilani: consent given Saint: 👍

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serialfirstdater · 3 years ago

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Toronto #5: Mr. 100 to 0

Boy this story is a doozy! Almost every single friend of mine knows about Mr. 100 to 0 by now and if you know the story, you know why this is my nickname for him.

So as you know, being a tall Asian girl trying to find tall Asian guys to date in Toronto is a struggle. So when I came across Mr. 100 to 0 on Coffee Meets Bagel who liked me, I was intrigued as he was 6′1 (like a rare Pokemon). Face-wise he looked decent and I could tell that he was fit. He’s an accountant so he had a bit more of that serious demeanor in his photos. I matched him and we got talking.

We had a decent conversation going and he eventually asked to meet up when he came back from his Montreal trip. I asked if he would be down to do a videocall first just to save time. He was the first person to reject doing a videocall with me because he believed that videocalls never worked out for him and he’d rather meet in person. I was like, ��Okay, I am willing to meet if you are willing to accept my deal-breaker”. Which he did so we set up a date.

When I told some friends about how he was not willing to do the videocall, everyone was saying this was a red flag. I am obviously a lot more forgiving and not as cynical so I took the guy at his word. However, one friend pointed out based on the photos I showed her of him, she thought he wouldn’t be a match for me since he seemed more introverted. Normally I go into dates without any expectations, but with everything I was hearing from my friends, I actually went into the date expecting it to be a dud. Maybe a pleasant conversation at best and it would not come fruition.

First Date

The day finally came and I got to the Korean fried chicken restaurant a bit earlier than him. It was no more than a five minute wait when I saw a tall Asian guy passed me. I waved at him and of course it was Mr. 100 to 0. I was immediately attracted to his appearance, despite that he had his mask on still. When we went inside and were seated, he took off his mask. My thoughts were correct and I was immediately into him.

This was the first time I went on a date with a guy where I found him so physically attractive. This probably gives you an indication that most guys I swipe right and go out with, I would generally be “eh” to. Very rare do I find guys that I think are super cute from the get-go off the apps. I think most of the time men I’m genuinely attracted to are unattainable since they normally don’t go for girls like me lol. However, after meeting Mr. 100 to 0, I am definitely raising the bar in terms of appearance the next time I am swiping cause now I understand what my girlfriends are talking about when they want someone they are immediately attracted to. Whereas in the past, I always allowed personality to raise my interest level for a guy.

During our date, I made sure that he knew I was very interested in him. I usually don’t flirt because I realized then it’s not because I can’t flirt, it’s because I usually don’t have such a strong interest in someone so early on. And even if I did, it definitely been awhile.

I just knew during this date, I wanted to lock down a second date. And my directness ended up working after all! I was determined to climb this man at all costs.

Second Date

For our second date, he picked me up at the subway station and drove us to a pho restaurant. I usually don’t eat Vietnamese food out but hey, he was craving and I eat everything. Throughout dinner, we continued to flirt and had a good time getting to know each other. After we walked around the plaza we were in, trying to figure out which bubble tea shop we want our bubble tea from. Throughout this time, I felt like I was a teenager, giddy and excited as we kept bumping into each other during our walk. Eventually he put his arm around me and I knew it was my time to finally grab his hand. We walked hand in hand. Shortly after, we found a bubble tea shop and ordered our items before sitting down at a nearby bench to chat.

Eventually it was time to drop me home. When we got to my place, I ended up going for the kiss when he went in for the hug. Oops. But hey, it led to a long make out session that lasted for 20 mins lmao. Basically living out the teenage years I never had.

The Hookup

Originally, we were gonna meet-up on a Thursday for a third date. However, Mr. 100 to 0 notified me that his parents were gonna be gone for a few hours on Wednesday and considering that we both live at home, I didn’t want to waste this opportunity. (Remember, I wanted to climb this man). I drove 50 minutes to get to his place cause I couldn’t waste anymore time.

When I entered his room, the first thing I noticed were all the Spongebob posters and cut-outs that you would print plastered on the walls. As in, there was a random picture here and a random picture there. Slapped on the wall haphazardly. He also had an old Napolean Dynamite poster that was frayed and discoloured due to age. Essentially, I was transported into a high schooler’s bedroom and it was not at all sexy. However, being into Mr. 100 to 0, I chose to ignore this for the time-being as I was there for one thing only.

We immediately got busy and technically I let the foreplay skipped over. This may or may not have led to the downfall of what was going to happen next.

When my hand went downwards (on top of his pants), I realized that I might not like what was underneath. It was this immediate dread in the back of my mind. However, I was already here and had gotten this far. I couldn’t really stop.

And to my internal dismay, I definitely did not like what I saw when the pants came down. At that very moment, I realized how much size did matter to me. Within an instant, my interest shot down to 50% and it proceeded to go down at a rapid decline. We did the deed but man, I would rate the experience 2/5. And 2/5 is below average for me. Which is not good at ALL.

Mr. 100 to 0 had absolutely no idea what I was feeling inside as I wrestled with my thoughts as he wrapped himself around me post-coitus. He was happy as he haven’t had sex since November. And after we were done, he proceeded to motorboat me... Like three times...

I knew by our second date he was a lot more childish and immature than I originally thought. And truthfully if the hookup went well (*cough*ifhewasatleastaverage*cough*), I’d probably find everything he did to be endearing. However, when you start to lose interest in someone, you start to see all the little things that bother you.

Either way, I left after acting normal as I could while my brain was still processing what had happened. Afterwards through text, I was definitely a bit more distant and freaking out to my friends. I felt like I was Samantha from Sex and the City in this episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CU6wUqys9bU

Third Date

The next day we met up again, since this was scheduled prior to the hookup and I wasn’t sure about cancelling. I dreaded seeing him and as time came closer to when I had to see him, the more I was freaking out internally (up until the actual date). Just knowing that internally I rather not see him anymore was pretty much at death’s door for this potential relationship. Literally two days before I wanted this guy as my boyfriend!!

After we had food, he asked if I wanted to go somewhere else. I wasn’t feeling it at first but eventually agreed. As we started talking, I told him I had something to tell him. He knew it was bad news from my tone and although it was rough, I admitted to him that I was uncertain about us because there may be some bedroom incompatibility. However, I was only bringing this up because I am problem-solver and I felt that if I didn’t, it was gonna end a lot faster. I rather tell him so if there’s any way to salvage this, we could deal with it ASAP.

Obviously he did not take it too well and said that he needed to process this. I kept his size out of the equation as it is something out of his control but bedroom incompatibility is a thing for many people. I just realized that this part of a relationship is a lot more important to me than I thought. But hey, that’s part of dating. To figure out what you want or don’t want in a relationship.

He then told me that he wasn’t planning to bring something up until later after we started dating properly, but he said since everything was now out in the open, he thought he’d tell me. He prefaced it by saying that this was “out of care” (you can be the judge). He revealed to me that I have a bit of B.O. whenever we were intimate. Granted, I do have hyperhidrosis and it’s not pretty on a hot day. He told me that he doesn’t smell anything when we stand comfortably apart but only when we were together. He asked if no one told me this before and I replied, “Nope.” Trust me, I grew up with myself so I know when it could happen but both times when I was with him, I showered the night before at the very least. I did know that when I went over to hookup, I was sweating profusely due to the heat. So it may be that, which I was hoping wasn’t gonna be a problem but I guess it was.

One friend said perhaps he just didn’t like my scent and that’s a thing where people don’t like certain people’s pheromones. Another friend said he seemed like the type of person that needed to criticize back when criticized. Third friend felt that he was grasping at whatever he could to hit me back cause his ego was bruised.

Either way, what he said made me to continue losing interest in him. I understood that I hurt his feelings cause no one wants to know that their performance is not good. Most of my friends said that they wouldn’t be able to tell him like I did but I came at it with the mindset I was already losing interest and this was my way of fixing things. If I lost complete interest, I wouldn’t even have tried and cancelled the date. However, by bringing it up, it also showed me what kind of person he is when facing this type of real-life problem. I know my style is quite straight-forward and it’s not for everyone. But someone who’s compatible with me would be able to work with me, despite being hurt. Was this too early to bring up? Of course, but I knew myself well enough at this point.

I told him that I was down to still go out with him one more time to see how things go since we had pre-planned a movie date that Saturday. But it was up to him if he wanted to or not.

Aftermath

He decided not to message me the entirety of Friday. Which was fine, I was expecting not to ever hear from him again considering how his mood soured for the rest of the night. I proceeded to make plans with a friend after work for Saturday, assuming that I was not gonna see him ever again.

At this point my interest was at like 5%. If he agreed to go out one more time, I would still go. Although truthfully I don’t know if things were gonna return to what they were when I was still so into him.

When Saturday rolled around, he ended up messaging me around 4 PM saying that he was no longer interested considering how I was so distant via text and on our last date. Which was fair enough. I was already over it at this point and moving on with my life.

This concludes my dating experience with Mr. 100 to 0.

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 7 years ago

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Reeve’s birthday + mini character profile!

Hey People of Earth!

So it’s become a bit of a trend to use my characters’ birthdays as an excuse to post mini character profiles for them, ha, so here we are again with another one! I’ve written this in advance (on the 12th) because I’ll be at a Current Joys concert for most of the 13th (her actual birthday). Hope you enjoy getting to know the MC of the FOSTERED books. (who I strangely don’t talk about nearly enough lol)

This is her:

This is also her (both by @sarahkelsiwrites):

This is Reeve’s aesthetic that I just whipped up lol:

Name: Reeve Aldaine

Age: 15-19 over the courses of books 1-6

Nicknames and from who: I think she was only ever called Evie by her older sister who isn’t in the books for very long.

Favourite restaurant: East Side Mario’s according to @sarahkelsiwrites (or Five Guys) lol

Favourite candy: Sour skittles or wine gums (according to @sarahkelsiwrites)

Favourite type of cake: Vanilla

Favourite hobby: Being salty for no apparent reason, being that toxic (TM) friend who lowkey knows it but if u bring it up is like whut no how am I toxic

Favourite colour: Purple

MBTI type: ISFP

Favourite cereal: Mini wheats

Favourite breakfast food in general: Crepes

If she had a job in real life, what would it be: Anything in retail (Sarah says at a perfume counter) because she’s rather adaptable and not picky though I think she’d really enjoy being a barista, lol.

Favourite thing to do: Reeve loves salting about other people. She isn’t an outwardly bitchy person, per se, but she likes toying with potential scenarios of what people could be thinking of her and why. She isn’t a particularly creative person, so she doesn't have any sort of concrete hobby, for example, but if there’s salt involved, she’s down.

Does she like The Strokes or does she not like The Strokes: Yaaaaassss join the clubbbb (her fave song would probably be You Only Live Once).

Her actual aesthetic: Looking out a gloomy window while it’s raining, chipped black nail polish, the smell of rain on pine trees, the subsequent smell of the sap, maple syrup in clear, labelless bottles (so weirdly specific but truu), sprigs of dried lavender

If she was a gum flavour: Juicy fruit cuz she got all dat riiiipe juicy teaaaaa

Would she write books: No, ha. Although her voice itself is hella poetic.

If she were a donut flavour: Sprinkles 4 dayz

If she were a beverage: Coca Cola in those vintage coke glasses or a glass of wine

If she had a favourite band: Daughter, but she’s also definitely into rock further along the alternative spectrum (and Whitney. Whitney for dayz).

Songs that remind me of her:

(I would say all of Daughter but to specify)

- The End by Daughter

specifically these lyrics

They say there's something in my house That I should just get out, get out I don't want to be escaping No, I'm too busy moping around I'm too busy moping around I'm too busy moping around I'm too busy moping around I'm too busy moping around

- Smother by Daughter

I should go now quietly For my bones have found a place to lie down and sleep Where all my layers can become reeds All my limbs can become trees All my children can become me What a mess I leave To follow

- Shallows by Daughter

Let it all rain down From the blood stained clouds. Come out, come out, to the sea my love... And just Drown with me

- New Ways by Daughter

Washed out brain I have a dirty mind Oh, I need, I need new ways To waste my time I need new ways

- Numbers by Daughter

Chemically enlaced faces Black out nights and tight spaces We'll feel distant embraces Scratching hands 'round my waist, yeah I'll wash my mouth but still taste you

- Made of Stone by Daughter

What if I'm made of stone? Feeling is not a system Nervous I'm caught in a hold Hoping I'm over thinking I should be feeling more Draped over your bones Paint colours up the walls To spread our inspirations You are the likely cause Of what will be my demise

- A Hole in the Earth by Daughter

It's like an old ruin Your father's a liar while my father's lying down In a hole in the earth there And I'm scared I'll forget him I'm still haunted by those open wounds I won't express them truly to you

Likes:

- Sitting in front of fireplaces + the sound of crackling wood

- The smell of smoke

- Rain

- Skipping rocks (she’s also v/ good at this)

- Melancholically reminiscing about her childhood

- Anything purple

- Swing-style rock

- @sarahkelsiwrites says Corn Pops

Some other stuff:

Reeve out of all my characters, has probably had the most major character flip in terms of her arc. I’ve described her before on here as poetically existential, and I think that’s personally an excellent way to describe her. In the initial stages of the series, she was quite pessimistic, but there was very much still a tangible spring in her. She’s never been particularly warm, but as the series progresses, namely from book four onward, this becomes much clearer. Her morals (especially in book six) also take a turn in what I’d basically describe as moral decline. She’s had a bit of ‘anti-character-development’, by which I mean she’s sort of progressed backwards (and most likely will continue to). Because of this, she reads incredibly ambiguously, and in a lot of ways, like the antagonist of the story, due to her extreme perceptions of people in both her judgements, and interactions with them. (Thus she’d probably rub the reader as unlikable.) She’s a very direct person, who doesn’t quite understand her moral faults, but simultaneously exploits them. So for example, she might know she’s being judgemental, but not quite understand why (or why that’s not a good thing) and continue to impose that on others.

She’s a very turbulent, negative person, mostly towards the latter half of the series. Whilst she’s always had these issues (such as jealousy and pettiness), they’ve almost been under the surface kind of issues. It’s kind of funny to think of it now, but @sarahkelsiwrites, and @imdisappointed (and myself) have always pointed out Reeve’s unlikable characteristics from the beginning. I always thought this was because I was doing something wrong, and only realized when writing book six, that these characteristics are actually a part of her character, making her incredibly morally grey (and sometimes, morally wrong). Because of this, the narration (since it is first person) often reads morally grey as well. She’ll often state something she doesn’t believe in as if she does believe it, which oftentimes feeds into her constant inner conflict.

She’s a very critical person, to the point of being overtly so, and thus, will overstep her boundaries in judging you if she feels you’ve either wronged her, or wronged someone she cares about. Though, she doesn’t vocalize these opinions, they almost reach the point of vulgarity through the narrative as they’re rehashed for the reader.

She also harbours a lot of self-deprecation, and blames herself a lottttt for many a things, namely the various complications within her family, even if she couldn’t necessarily fix these things. She’s a fixer by heart, and not being able to patch up holes continuously bothers her. I’d describe her as self-loathing. I wouldn’t say she hates herself, I just think she hates the pawn of herself (sort of the persona she puts on), and hates what that person let her become.

Ha, all of this was uber negative, but that isn’t all there is to her! She’s also an intensely emotional person (which can lead to baaare melodramaaaaa), so this really allows her to connect with other people on a really deep level. She doesn’t trust easily, due to her various traumas, but if she does trust you, you’ll feel it. She cares intensely about people (which can sometimes be a bad thing), but will try her hardest to be a supportive friend. So she does have a lot of stuff bogging her down a lot of the times, but will remain by your side (and hopefully not make the situation about her oops).

I mentioned this before, but she’s also a very distant narrator. It’s sometimes hard to achieve this especially in the scenes I need her to be even more distant in (hence so many clarity issues haaaaha), so I’ve toyed around a bit with form in her POV. Some bits of these books are in verse, some in second person, and some in third. She is a first-person narrator, but I do enjoy experimenting a bit (especially in dissociative scenes). She’ll also insert herself into other characters’ situations (almost like pseudo dissociation lol) a lot, and go through possible events they may have gone through.

I think her development is the main reason these books went from YA to vaguely adult maybe, because she’s definitely gone down a viciously explicit emotional path (which I didn’t actually plan for, but am happy about). So yeah. Lots of things go on in her head, and I think she really does need a lot of time to dispel all of it, but she’s getting there.

So that’s it for now! I haven’t really done an extensive profile for Reeve, even though I talk about her a lot, so hopefully this helps in getting to know her a bit better!

Thanks for reading!

--Rachel

#writing #writerblr #amwriting #writingupdates

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antthonystark · 7 years ago

Note

We really should defend our faves without tearing down other characters. I didn't like it when they rip apart Jace or Alec and their parabatai bonds & the nonsense that Izzy should be his parabatai. I have to disagree that Magnus rarely gets attacked, in fact he is all the time & it's mainly racism. Alec gets paired w/every white boy in existence but not Magnus. Fans are hopping on Magnus hate to excuse their racism so let's not pretend it's not there. Alec is hurting bc we see him still in love

okay im answering this under the cut (because it might get me in trouble oops) but yeah i totally agree with the first part! i never have ever understood how people derive pleasure from hating on other characters just to lift up their own favourites

but as for the second part, yeah……i feel you, to an extent

and like okay, i’ve talked about implicit biases before, and they definitely exist and shape people’s behaviours and actions in ways they might not be aware of when it comes to how they respond to different things, such as members of various marginalized groups, including people of colour - so certainly hate towards a character of colour can be rooted in these biases (and sometimes, rarely, it can be more explicit than that)

that said, (a) i don’t know if it’s just me, but magnus is the character i’ve seen the least amount of hate towards in general, but it could just be the fact that i’ve missed it because i don’t see a lot, but i’m usually up to date w/ the drama cause whenever magnus is getting hate my dash is freakin out and defending him lol (hate =/= criticism of his actions without actually demonizing him)

so yeah, of course racism exists and - often unwittingly - shapes even the most well-intentioned people’s perspectives on characters of colour so that’s not in question …………………….but like……..you know, sometimes a spade is just a spade you know what i mean like ‘hey magnus was mean to my favourite character alec so i dont like him in this scene’ is not always so significantly different from ‘hey jace was mean to my favourite character alec so i dont like him in this scene’ (which to me at least seems to happen a lot more but again i don’t know the actual statistics or whatever) - like, any kind of negative or even indifferent response towards a character of colour isn’t automatically racism like it’s…………..it’s just usually not that deep?

i mean, when you start getting into the whole “oh how dare magnus call alec shadowhunter like that” and going into the specifics of what people are talking about in today’s specific drama, there are instances where the tone-deaf-ness of the way people are analyzing magnus’s actions seems to reflect a lack of perspective on the political situation of the shadowhunter/downworlder hierarchy and how complex and inherently inequal the shadow world is in that respect. so is it racism? yeah certainly it could be a reflection of a “they should know their place” attitude when it comes to marginalized communities, or could be just a lack of insight into being part of a marginalized community (again tho guys it is an allegory like a downworlder’s life is not an exact play-by-play of what it’s like to be a person of colour lol). or maybe, it is stupidity? yeah, also plausible given the lack of critical thinking in this fandom towards the actions of like…..every character at some point this season (like, the same backlash has happened towards alec at many of his actions/decisions, but there’s obviously no element of racism there)

likely it’s some mix of the three elements of stupidity, ignorance/implicit bias, and actual prejudice, with the latter being imo pretty rare so you know sometimes it’s just a bit more innocuous (and just plain stupid) than “it’s racist they’re racist they’re horrible it’s terrible magnus is the best why you do hate asians”

like i know i’m already kicked out of the poc club and this isn’t gonna help but when someone goes ‘hey magnus spoke to alec in a way that was out of line in 2x17 and i wasnt a fan’ it’s not automatically racism and that’s such an exhausting and incorrect way of perceiving another person’s intentions just to prove yourself in the moral and (quasi)-intellectual high ground

and inb4 the “oh but it’s important representation so you have to like him more because his existence is more important” listen im never gonna say that there should be less of magnus i’m never gonna say that magnus provides representation that’s less important than that which is provided by, idk, jace or alec or whatever it is as he is a bisexual asian man etc etc etc, but none of that means i have to like him the best, and none of that means that he’s beyond reproach if people want to analyze his character’s actions in a non-demonizing, non-stupid way t b q h

and like i should point out that i don’t think that magnus should really be criticized for his actions in recent episodes, but they are actions that could have bad consequences and that should be discussed if people want to - but i think they were the path of least destruction in a situation that was a difficult, impossible circumstance to be in (like, in that his people are facing potential genocide kind of dire straits). so i’m not defending my right to criticize him because i’m not even criticizing him lol i just think there’s a really stupid circlejerk around this particular issue that i wanted to talk about

#what frickin ever #sorry im writing something else right now so my mind is half on this half elsewhere #so it's under the cut so it doesn't get attention #for once that's not what i want lol #discourse /#my thoughts #for better or for worse #anonymous #letterbox #text post

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cupkayke · 8 years ago

Note

For the fanfiction questions thing: 1, 3, 6, 11, 17, 21, 25, 27, 36, 40, 41, 46, 50 and 51 (I hope these aren't too many)

Not too many at all! I like talking about myself lol.

Under a cut because longggggg.

1) What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Oh gosh, definitely Tokyo Mew Mew. I never wrote fanfics for it but I co-owned and then owned an Avidgamers RP site for TMM called MewUSA back in like 2004-2006. Avidgamers was a forum site engine that was pretty damn nice for its time (also FREE, that was a plus) and I spent HOURS creating characters, storylines, and layouts for it. There were TONS of individual in-character boards and I think we may have had up to 100 unique users at one point. The detailed characters/plotlines were BASICALLY fanfiction- I think I did an entire rp with myself between a few of my characters once- and it was a whole lot of fun. Some of the OCs from that site were repurposed into a longrunning rp I have with @liarino on AIM and I am FOREVER grateful that I met them through that site

Fanfic-wise, it was Full Metal Alchemist. I had a horrendous LITERAL self-insert OC fic called ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ that was based on an RP I did with a different friend. Plot? ‘Fangirl of FMA LITERALLY FALLS INTO HER TELEVISION AND WAKES UP IN THE UNIVERSE AND FALLS IN LOVE WITH ALPHONSE’. The end. I never finished it but holy shitballs it got SO MANY REVIEWS. I’m surprised how many people actually enjoyed it- I did get some criticisms but despite the fact that it was so cringe-worthy that I took it down it still got sooooo much positive feedback. I sometimes wonder if people would still be reading it on ff.net if I hadn’t taken it down the last time I overhauled that account. I still have some Ouran oneshots on there that I wrote TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO that still get reviews. Dayum.

3) What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

I have to say it’s a tie between the Tokyo Mew Mew fandom circa 2003-2006 and the Ouran fandom from about 2006-2008. My experience with them was limited to RP boards but I had the MOST FUN running MewUSA and a long-running Gaia RP ‘Hosting the Hosts’ because of the warm response to the concepts. The TMM fandom especially was super creative even back in the day- there were so many fan mew mews because the formula was so easy and that was one series that I didn’t mind OCs because the concept was easily applied. In-universe, the creator could have easily made more Mew Mews. So the possibilities were endless. That’s also the fandom I learned the majority of my writing skills from, even if I did get called out a couple times for shitty RPing. I got better and I was so sad when the engine finally kicked the bucket. Aside from the RP sites the TMM fandom had sooooo many fansites dedicated to the show- my other favorite being Neko Tokyo. I think that site might still be up…

Ouran was limited to that RP I ran but damn I never had one so fun. That group of writers was hysterical and I actually met one of them in person because by sheer coincidence she lived near me. She moved soon after we figured it out but she came back for a convention and we hung out all weekend. Unfortunately I don’t remember her name and I lost her phone number T_T I wonder where she is sometimes. I wonder where a lot of my fan friends from back then are. The problem with early 2000s internet.

Tho I think Boueibu will be my new modern fave fandom.

6) List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Ohhhh dear. I’ll keep it to ones that I actually ship characters in because a lot of my early fandoms were MYSELF AS AN OC X HOT MALE CHARACTER. OTL. I was a weeb. Most of these are fandoms I’ve rped in rather than written fanfiction for, however.

Tokyo Mew Mew- PuddingxTart. I like to read IchigoxKisshu fanfics sometimes but that ship is highly problematic looking back on it lol

Code Lyoko - THROWBACK. JeremiexAelita. Adorable.

Ouran HSHC - I’m fond of HunnyxHaruhi (as evidenced by my mostly abandoned ff.net account) but basically AnyonexHaruhi is super cute. I think I read a fic once where Haruhi was in a relationship with ALL of the guys and it was actually super interesting. I don’t think I can find it again, tho.

Harry Potter - Drarry.

Walking Dead - CarolxDaryl FTW. and Richonne. I’ve toyed with the idea of writing fanfics for WD but never quite get up to it.

Mass Effect - Shakarian. Fuck yes. Fun fact I have an unfinished smutfic on the mass effect kinkmeme livejournal that I will EVENTUALLY FINISH ONE DAY AND PUBLISH UNDER MY NAME buuuut for now it will remain an anonymous abandoned fic.

Boueibu - …All of them? OTL I can’t pick one ship… tho if you force me… IoRyuu and BeppuMoto OT3.

YOI - I think everyone’s OTP is Victuuri.

11) Who is your current OTP?

Victuuri.

17) Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

Since Boueibu is my current fandom- I immediately was drawn to Enatsu since s1 had a relatively large focus on them but I’ve kind of fallen out of actively shipping them. I like them as a couple and I think they’re def boyfriends material but they’re definitely a comfortable ship. Their personalities are just… drama-free, so their relationship to me just seems like a quiet background relationship. IoRyuu is a little more volatile and I really like ships where there is a lot of between-the-lines interpretation and potential for conflict. Also I just really like the Beppus

21) What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The aformentioned ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ FMA OC Mary Sue Self insert fic. Definitely the first one I ever published on the interwebs. Although I think TECHNICALLY my very first one was a Pokemon story that I was writing for a little kid neighbor of mine back when I was like… 11. I think I had just gotten a computer in my room and I remember typing it up and drawing some cover art for it… it was basically an expanded version of the episode where Meowth and Pikachu were handcuffed together or something… except there were more Pokemon involved and ALL of the characters were friends. Like Brock and Tracey were both with Ash and Misty and all of the Team Rocket people were friends for some reason. Idk I was a weird child.

Ohhh maybe a tie for the FMA fic was a Code Lyoko one I wrote around the same time called ‘Desert Rose’. I can’t remember now which was published first because I deleted them all. Another Mary Sue OC fic but I actually am still kind of proud of how I expanded the Lyoko universe in my head. I came up with new areas to Lyoko and like a central region and how they all connected. Nevermind the fact that the girl with a CAT THAT COULD OPERATE THE COMPUTER was the main character and obviously I shipped her with Odd because YumiUlrich and JeremieAeilita were OTPs. It was weird.

25) What’s your most popular fanfic?

If the story was still up it might have been ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ because that fic still haunts me. Buuut it’s either ‘Naptime’ or ‘Desire’, one of my two Hunny x Haruhi fics from my Ouran days that I left up on ff.net for posterity. I have no desire to go read the cringe and find out which one has more hits but I bet it’s the G-rated ‘Naptime’ cuz ‘Desire’ is a) the first M rated Hunny x Haruhi fic on ff.net EVER and b) really really bad porn written by like, 16-year-old me. Oops. It’s a smidgen OOC on the part of Haruhi if I remember right buuut I actually still stand by the idea that Hunny is not as childlike as he seems.

Oh dear maybe that’s why I like Yumoto so much. Similar character type. OTL

27) What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?

I feel like I’m horrendous at both but lately it’s titles that are giving me trouble. 2 of the 3 Boueibu fics I’ve written had different working titles that got changed the second the story went up to be published. I’m having a brain fart and can’t remember them but both ‘All the Pretty Little Horses’ and ‘Completely’ were titled something really stupid. And your giftfic was ‘?’ until I decided on the central theme lol.

36) What’s your favourite genre to write?

I don’t like reading romance novels but I love writing shippy stuff. Tension, build….smut

40) What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Pacing in longer works, definitely. Also just… keeping up with it. I am a horrible procrastinator and if I don’t actually have a deadline with external consequences then I never get anything done. I can’t set my own deadlines because I can always move them. I can’t get my family or friends to set them for me because I know they’ll forgive me if I fail (how horrible lol). I have tons upon tons of unfinished fics from fandoms past sitting somewhere in the depths of my word documents folder and about as many original short stories. I have so many ideas but because I get easily distracted and also because I am now working full time and suffer from typical adult exhaustion I can only put a fraction of them on paper.

My inner critic is also a fucking bitch. I can’t get her to shut her face long enough to write a sentence sometimes. Again, I have to have a deadline looming before I can put her on mute most times. If I have infinite time, she doesn’t shut up and makes me rewrite a sentence 100 times because it sounds stupid.

41) List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

Ahahahaha… I don’t have 5 simultaneously because I can’t just… not finish reading something before moving onto the next one. I don’t also read things that are unfinished unless they sound REALLY interesting because I’m stupid impatient. But I guess for my current fandom (Boueibu) I’ll link 5 fics I read recently that I liked!

1) Pink Blood - @magiccatprincess (okay actually this is one I’m going to read soon because it looked interesting… so it fits the question lol)

2) tuesdays - @vagarius (because how can I not love something written for me?

3) Liar - BlackJoker77 (A whoooole lot accomplished here in not a lot of words. Also, Yumoto character study/reading between the lines? Yush.)

4) ….. ok I ran out of ideas. I don’t bookmark anything OTL. I’ll come back to this question at another time with an ACTUAL answer.

46) If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

I’m most proud of ‘Completely’ at the moment- I really like how I pulled off Ryuu’s voice and it’s most definitely a scene I wanted to see written… so I’m happy that I was able to provide that scene

50) How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

It was basically an extention of RPing for the writing portion of it- ‘Nice of Me to Drop In’ was basically a cleaned up RP and when it wasn’t rping it was fan gratification for the other early fics I did. As a kid I used to (and still sometimes do) make up stories in my head when I was about to go to sleep, and a lot of them were episodes of my favorite shows that I wanted to see. So I’d put some of them on paper. And then it moved into the ~romance~ category; I was a hopeless romantic as a teenager and like a lot of teenage girls I was kind of horny so fanfiction was a way to explore my sexuality in the comfort of my own head, basically. I still like me a good smutfic and bonus points if it’s romantic AND smutty. My bf can definitely tell when I’ve been reading something naughty….

51) Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

Okay, Imma do both! And I have 2 things to rant about because I can’t shut up.

Rant: This is more of a thing that I hate about MYSELF reading fanfics, but I hate that I get turned off of fics so quickly because of writing style. When I can push past beginners writing mistakes or mediocre quality writing I can sometimes find gem fics with plots/characterizations I find adorable, but more often than not I click out of fics after just a few sentences because I can’t stand poor writing. And I feel so elitist about it! Fanfics are free, fan-generated content. A lot of fanfics are written by kids or beginner writers. I have to keep reminding myself that not every fanfic author has gone to school for writing. They may not know the conventions of literature. They may not realize that they’re head-hopping in the middle of paragraphs. They may not know the proper way to punctuate dialogue (and I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW until grad school!!!!). If I let mistakes get in the way of content I may miss out on an up and coming writer. And lord knows I was horrendous when I first started. Everyone starts somewhere. I hate that it takes me so long to get out of teacher/writing student mode and truck through some writing that may not technically be the best but their heart is in the right place.

Rant2: I don’t like how isolated fanfiction can feel sometimes. It seems like people don’t comment on fics as much as they used to, and I see these posts going around on tumblr about how authors LOOOOOVE comments and want more of them but then comments just… don’t appear. It’s not so hard to post one thing you really liked about the story, and even one thing you didn’t like. Comments help authors grow.I also don’t like how it’s so hard to find a beta reader or three to bounce ideas off of and proofread your work.

Gush: I love communities. I love the events fanfic authors put together. I love how when communities get tight-knit how everyone builds each other up and gives one another ideas. I just love fanfiction in general, really

aaaaaand SHEW. That was a lot. BUT DEF NOT TOO MUCH

#mystofthestars #asks #ask cupkaykey

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