serialfirstdater

[serialfirstdater]

London #17: The Italian Tattoo Artist

I always had a rule to never swipe on tattoo artists, up until this instance.

I came across an Italian man on Hinge and saw that he did cover-up tattoos for balding men, basically shading in their heads to make it look like they had hair growth. This was out of my element, but again, this was the time when I was open to going on dates with new people. His job at the beauty treatment studio seemed more reputable than that of a regular tattoo artist.

We agreed to meet at a pub in Shoreditch. The moment I saw him, I knew there was no way it would happen. He was 38 years old, however, his appearance was too old compared to mine. Despite being 32, I do look like I am in my 20s. I prefer someone who looks similar to me appearance-wise. The second problem was that he had a thick Italian accent. It just meant the communication between us was going to be difficult.

At the start of the date, he suggested I try one of the specialty beers at the pub. I mentioned that I wasn't much of a beer person and preferred to drink cocktails or ciders. He insisted on how good the beer was and how special they were to the pub. I said no twice before I caved after much insistence from him and told him to just surprise me then. I saw this as a yellow flag, potentially red, as it didn't seem like he could take no for an answer.

He came back with half a pint of cider and half a pint of a sour whiskey beer. I much preferred the cider of course.

Throughout the conversation, I knew I didn't want to be there. It was difficult to enjoy conversing with someone whose accent made it hard to have a natural flow of conversation. We kept with very surface-level topics. I found out that he was a tattoo artist full time and going into the beauty treatment world for hair loss was something more recent but he still tattooed regularly on the side. I definitely was not keen, however, I wanted to be a pleasant date even if I was not feeling it.

About an hour and a half in or so, the Italian Tattoo Artist asked if I wanted to try out another bar. I told him I was tired and wanted to go home to prepare for work the next day. He kept trying to sell me on how it was a cool American bar with bikes. I politely rejected going to the next bar about three times before I said I was going to the toilet before leaving.

I sat on the toilet and decompressed for a few minutes before composing myself and going back out.

When I came out of the washroom, he was glued to his phone with his coat on, texting away. I said something to him but either he didn't hear me or ignored me.

I put on my coat and asked if he was planning to check out the pub after all. He grunted a maybe and then stood up, patted me on the shoulder, and said bye as he walked out the door. I was still halfway putting on my coat when he suddenly and rudely left.

I was in disbelief because I didn't want to continue the date with him, he went from friendly to cold.

However, I was glad the date was over as I was mentally and physically drained. I left for home, tired of having gone on four dates with four men that past week. The Italian Tattoo Artist sealed it for me.

[serialfirstdater]

London #16: The British Logistics Consultant

As I mentioned in my last entry with the Indian-British Salesman, I had another date on the day I was supposed to have a second date with him.

Introducing the British Logistics Consultant. I gave him a swipe on Hinge and it didn't take too long before we agreed on a date after exchanging a few words.

I scheduled him on Saturday as the first date of the day before the Indian-British Salesman (which later turned out to be my only date). We were set to meet at Covent Garden. At first, it took a bit to find him because he was waiting at a different entrance to the pub we were meeting at.

When we finally saw each other, I was taken aback by how much grey hair he had. It threw me off and made me question how old he was and if I accidentally placed my age limit too high. However upon closer look, he had a more youthful face, but genetics had him graying a lot faster.

He was a chatty person. I learned he used to manage logistics for a couple of fashion brands and was born in a small town outside London (where? I forgot).

He was a decent person to talk to and I did not feel totally drained around him. It felt like a bunch of small talk that was effectively done well, weaving together a cohesive conversation that gave me some insight into his life including family, work, and how he approaches things (to be honest, I do not remember any specifics, if that gives you any indication of where this is heading). For example, he mentioned he was the type of person to speak up and be more confrontational if he was not happy with something. Thus, he was an atypical British man.

I was assessing my feelings throughout the entire date, uncertain if I should give him a second date or not. I mentally hummed and hawed over it for a while as the conversation continued to drone on.

He did have a nice face despite his greying hair. He could be that friendly, chatty slightly older colleague in another team at work if we didn't meet off the apps.

I decided I was open to a second date if he asked. However, would not be too bothered if he didn't. I didn't feel the chemistry but looked at the bigger picture. He seemed decent enough for me to give him another chance.

Would it have gone past the second date? Deep down, I didn't feel so but I was operating under the thoughts of, "You'll never know unless you try." After all, every dating guru's advice is to give someone a second date whenever possible.

I didn't hear from him that night after we parted ways. I was unbothered and did not expect to hear from him again, especially since I did not message him either.

However, the following day I got a message from him. He thanked me for the date and said I probably also felt that there was no spark between us. He said he enjoyed my company and thought I was sweet. He wished me the best of luck living in London and to ask him for any local tips if needed.

In response, I thanked him for his time and the date itself. Kept the message short and pleasant.

I would have been perfectly fine if he had not sent the message, but at least he gave me the courtesy compared to the Indian-British Salesman who flaked on me.

To be frank, I wonder if I should even bother with the advice of giving someone a second date even when I have no real interest in them, aside from them being a pleasant enough date without red flags and having a decent face. I miss having people I am genuinely excited about. However, I will continue on the journey of dating and see where it leads me here in London.

[serialfirstdater]

London #15: The Indian-British Salesman

On Tinder, I came across an Indian guy who caught my eye. He was super clean-cut, tall, and well-dressed. Easy on the eyes, he came off a bit too metrosexual in the photos, and I would've thought he might've batted for the other team if he hadn't shown up on my Tinder pile. He listed that he was in enterprise sales. So, a corporate man. Thus, very much my type in addition to his tall, good looks.

We matched but I didn't hear from him right away. So I didn't think much of it. Some time passed and he reached out. We briefly texted before setting up a date.

I told him I worked near Liverpool Station and he told me he had a client meeting there on Thursday and asked if I would be open to a coffee date.

Having come off my date with the Leeds Philosopher, I was no longer as bothered as I would've been back in Toronto with going on coffee dates. Considering the numerous dates I was going through, I no longer minded going through a vibe check with something simple like drinks or coffee. (As long as the cafe is cute and not Starbucks).

I agreed to the coffee date and scheduled it during my lunch break at work.

Thursday morning rolled around and he asked me if I knew of any good cafes in my area. I barely knew of any because I hadn't explored many cafes in London yet.

I was not thrilled that he couldn't take charge and pick a location for us. But I went ahead and did a quick Google search before I landed on BloomsYard. It was aesthetically cute and just up my alley so I told him to meet me there at lunchtime.

Lunch rolled around and I left my office, about a 10-minute walk from the cafe.

I spotted him sitting by the window when I got there. He immediately greeted me with a bright, wide smile upon my arrival. The man looked better in real life and still as handsome as you'd expect from the photos.

"You picked a really nice place!" he praised me.

"Thank you! I've never been here before so I just found it online and thought it looked like a nice spot."

"I used to come around this area often but never knew of this cafe," he said. "I've been here to buy my watch from the Rolex store downstairs!"

I immediately clocked the Rolex namedrop. Now, my friends know that I love my designer brands and that I strive for an affluent life (why else would I be so picky about the man's career when dating?). But I felt that he was peacocking by mentioning the Rolex. After all, when you make money like that and enjoy the finer things in life, you don't necessarily need to name something like Rolex first thing on a date.

But was I turned off? No, of course not. But I definitely took note of it in the back of my head.

I learned that he is in sales, clearly a successful one, at Condeco. He travels the world, meeting various clients every so often. He's second-generation British, but full Indian ethnically. He spoke about how his favourite things were working out and his motorcycle. I didn't expect anything less considering his well-built physique and he did post a photo of himself with his motorcycle on Tinder.

Throughout the date, he complimented me and said how pretty I was. I was flattered but considered it easy words he was throwing out to make me feel good. After all, he's in sales and very charismatic.

I have gone out with many sales guys in my 20s, and they used to be my type until I learned they were all talk and no action. Therefore I wasn't jumping with joy or anything when the Indian-British Salesman continued to flatter me throughout the coffee date.

However, we got along very well and I was, of course, physically attracted to him. So I was keen on a second date (but was mentally prepared that it may not happen considering he might be flaky).

We parted ways and expressed interest in seeing each other again. I texted him shortly after and said it was the most efficient date since I never had a coffee date during work hours.

He expressed that he looked forward to seeing me again. I told him I was free that weekend, otherwise, I wouldn't be available again until the following week because my schedule was packed.

He said he was down to see me on Saturday and we agreed to meet at 5 PM. He asked me if we should meet in West London (where I live) or Central London. I told him let's do Central London since I was going to be there beforehand (for another date). Yes, I was planning to have two dates in one day.

I told him to let me know where I should meet him in Central London.

Hours passed after his last message on Friday, and I did not hear back from him. My spidey senses were tingling.

I complained on Reddit and people said I should follow up one more time. I personally do not believe in following up a second time with men, because if they were interested, they would initiate and make the plan.

However, I decided to go ahead and texted him Saturday afternoon that I was going to be in SoHo. I didn't hear from him. I felt that my evening was going to be wasted if I only went on one date. So I bought myself a movie ticket before I headed out for the other planned date.

At 4:30 PM as I was parting from my first date, the Indian-British Salesman messaged me. Without an apology, he stated that he was not in Central London but was out in West London and could meet me in my area instead. I did not like how he only wanted me to come to him at his convenience. He did not acknowledge how he left me hanging for over 24 hours and messaged me half an hour before our agreed-upon time.

I felt this was not the first time he acted like this, considering that he's a tall, successful, and good-looking man in the city with plenty of options.

I texted back saying I thought we weren't going to meet so I was about to go to the cinema. He never responded.

As I predicted, having gone out with so many salesmen, I had a feeling that the Indian-British Salesman wasn't going to be different. Was I disappointed? Yes. Was I surprised? Not at all. This is why I never trust a salesman's word from the get-go. I need to see them follow through with their actions.

[serialfirstdater]

London #14: The Dreaded Ex Doppelganger

I came across a British guy on Hinge. His photos showed that he was interested in racing and horseback riding, which indicated to me that he might be more well-off. He didn't put his job on his profile, so I took a gamble.

We had a pleasant online conversation and I found out that he was a freelance writer and editor. I wasn't too keen because unless you are J.K. Rowling, you aren't exactly swimming in money as an author for the most part.

I then decided to check his photos on his profile again. I halted when I had a closer look at one of his photos. He looked eerily like my very first ex-boyfriend from a decade ago. He-who-shall-not-be-named. This first ex was awful and I thought of him to be five bad boyfriends in one. However, the man I was talking to can't look that much like my ex in real life, right? Maybe it was just this photo where he posed in a certain way and his hair, glasses, and facial features make him look like my ex.

However, we were in the conversation too deep so I had no choice but to meet him, hoping and praying that he didn't look like my ex.

We agreed to meet by Liverpool Station after I got off work. When I saw him, my brain immediately went, "Oh no..."

Standing at 6'3, he had dark curly hair and similar facial features to my first ex-boyfriend. My ex was 6'5, but the Dreaded Ex Doppelganger was close enough.

When we sat down and had a drink at a local pub, I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. The man did nothing wrong and followed dating etiquette. He bought me a drink and made conversation to get to know me. I noticed that he was definitely a listener and tended to hold his gaze at me when I was talking. I didn't like that.

The Dreaded Ex Doppelganger was about 70% my ex-lookalike. It was too uncomfortable for me because my body completely rejected this man, purely because he looked like my ex who traumatized me and made me question my self-worth after 2.5 years of dating.

I couldn't wait to get out of the date. The Dreaded Ex Doppelganger was nice, but nothing he could've said or done would've redeemed himself. My mind would not allow it, having endured a terrible relationship with my first ex for so long. There was no way I would date someone who looked remotely like him.

After the date, I thought I was free when I didn't hear from the Dreaded Ex Doppelganger. However, he messaged me the next day and asked if I would be interested in going out again.

I crafted a nice message, thanking him for his time but I didn't feel a romantic connection. He responded in kind and wished me luck. Hopefully, he finds a nice woman who doesn't have an ex who looks like him.

I find it ironic that two men I have gone on a date with so far here in London remind me of two different exes. The Canadian Investment Banker has similar characteristics and features to the Ex-Actor, and now the Dreaded Ex Doppelganger could potentially be a twin of my crappy first ex.

[serialfirstdater]

London #13: The Leeds Philosopher

If there is one thing I am trying to do, it is to expand my horizons and go out with men I would not typically date here in London. Especially when my roster is very empty.

Since I was barely speaking to anyone and feeling a bit loose with my dating requirements, I swiped right on a guy I wouldn't normally give a chance.

I came across a dirty blonde-haired 29-year-old British guy. He had artistic tattoos all over his forearms and wore a bold, colourful graphic tee. He wrote in his bio that the green flags he looked for in a woman included thinking therapy was cool and reading on the tube. He was a software engineer and it appeared he had a Masters in philosophy.

We briefly chitchatted before scheduling a date. He asked me out for coffee.

Normally, this would be a turn-off but considering that I haven't had a date in a month since I last went out with Petite Loki, I thought why the hell not. At this point, I started to no longer care as much about coffee dates as I did in Toronto because if the guy was super interested, he'd try after the initial meeting.

We decided to meet at a nice cafe called Page Common Coffee House. I waited outside of the cafe because I arrived earlier.

When he approached me, it took me less than 10 seconds to know that we were not a match once I saw his nails were painted black.

He got me an iced matcha latte and he had iced coffee for himself. We sat down and had a friendly conversation.

He was from Leeds and came to London six weeks ago to study philosophy. He told me that he was a software engineer for seven years but one day realized he didn't want to keep helping the rich stay rich. He wanted a life purpose.

He used to smoke weed daily, constantly being high. One day at 25 years old, he had to stop because it was affecting his mental health. He read a philosophy book about how the author dreamt he turned into a cockroach. After reading it, the Leeds Philosopher wanted to dedicate his life to helping people through their mental issues with philosophy as it did for him. He was passionate about exploring the world and hoped to be a philosophy professor one day.

"In my first year of teaching, I'd be making £30-40K, which is pretty good!"

I internally cringed when I heard about his salary. Good is far from what I would consider a salary of £30-40K. He said since it was so expensive to live in London, he worked 20 hours a week as a software engineer to keep afloat while in school.

Now he was a cool guy and I admired his passion for helping others and philosophy. However, his lifestyle was a no-go for me. I valued someone with high financial stability who doesn't mind material things like a nice home or having plenty of money to enjoy life with. However, it was clear he did not value making loads of money like I did.

Our conversation stayed pleasant throughout but there was absolutely no romantic spark. After all, I was never drawn to alternative guys who wanted to go off the beaten path. He probably also saw that I was not a fit as I expressed my enthusiasm for working in the corporate world.

After a couple of hours, he had to go see his friend. We hugged each other goodbye and said it was nice meeting each other. I contemplated perhaps staying friends with him, but luckily he never texted me after. The feeling was mutual.

What did I learn? Trying to date outside of my preferences seems fruitless.

Time and time again I was proven that I should stick to what I know works for me. There is a reason why I am drawn to ambitious, corporate men. Or men who have very stable careers. You know, the ones that an Asian mom would approve of.

[serialfirstdater]

London Platonic Hang #3: The Korean-American Friend

The Introduction

Before my whirlwind date with the Risk Manager, I hung out with a new friend just beforehand. Compared to my previous Platonic Hang entries, this person did become a genuine friend (or maybe at least until the end of this dating entry). Meanwhile, the Swedish Yogi and Dragonboat Dad disappeared completely, minus being Instagram friends. So much for my attempts at friendship, huh?

Being new to London and seeking friendship wherever I could, I turned to Subtle Asian Travel when I first arrived. This is a Facebook group for other Asians looking for new friends or advice when traveling to a new city. I saw a post by a Korean guy from L.A., stating that he moved to London in April and was looking for new friends.

I pondered his post for a while, not messaging him right away. After all, he was a guy. You never know their real intentions when it comes to posts like these. However, something about his face gave off a very open and inviting persona. He had photos with friends and his mom to give a fuller picture of who he was.

I went into the comments and saw another girl saying she was visiting London and was open to meeting him. I hijacked the comment and asked if they would be open to me joining their meetup.

I ended up meeting him first without the girl because it turned out that when she was in town, he was going to be in Nashville.

We scheduled brunch near Covent Garden since I planned to meet the Risk Manager later for our date. When this potentially new friend arrived, I immediately liked his vibe. He was very much L.A.-coded. when it came to his style.

We immediately clicked as new friends. Perhaps it was because we were both North Americans and Asians, making it easy to understand where the other was coming from.

During brunch, I had a fleeting thought that I was open to having a romantic connection with him. His personality made it easy for me to feel comfortable and be myself without judgment, something I needed when it came to dating. He wasn't conventionally attractive, but his personality made him appealing overall. And having a fashion sense helped.

Before we parted, he invited me to work at a cafe with him and another female friend he made from Subtle Asian Travel, Lola (fake name of course), the following day.

I decided to pass, as I didn't want to spend money trekking into the city for another day, and told him I would see him when he returned from the U.S.

The Flirting

It was roughly a month before I saw him again because he left for Nashville and L.A. for three weeks. We briefly texted on and off when he was in the U.S. and I felt some flirty vibes from him. I was not opposed to it.

I was invited out to Haidilao as an influencer and had asked him to be my plus one because 1) we got along and I could see a good friendship forming and 2) he was the only person I knew who could eat mid-day during the week because he worked on Eastern Standard Time.

I messaged him when I arrived at the restaurant but didn't hear from him. He returned to London from L.A. the day before so I suspected he overslept. I called him twice in between frantic text messages.

I was genuinely ready to message the Risk Manager to see if he was free to take the Korean-American Friend's spot. At this moment, I was still in my pining stage for the Risk Manager and was very close to throwing my dignity out the window.

After 20 minutes, before I could commit to asking the Risk Manager, the Korean-American Friend finally messaged me back and profusely apologized for sleeping in. He rushed over, making him an hour late to lunch. All was forgiven once he arrived because we picked up where we last left off.

We landed on the topic of dating in our conversation. Being nosy, I asked him how many girls went to marry the next guy after dating him. He told me four.

"So, if I want to get married, I should just date you right?" I joked.

We continued talking about dating for a bit and I forgot what made him say it, but he asked (probably not so seriously), "Should we date?"

I knew at that moment I didn't want to say yes just yet because I was still getting to know him. "Let's be friends for now."

"See, communication," he said, referring to how we spoke about the importance of communication in friendship and dating just minutes before.

After we finished Haidilao, we took a walk around the O2. We came across a putt-putt area. He immediately said, "Let's do it!" and paid for both our entries. The putt-putt was truly a cute and fun moment. This was the start of his generosity towards me.

The following day, he mentioned on Instagram that he would take me out to celebrate once I locked in a full-time job. One of the many instances in which he lightly flirted with me.

A couple of days later, he invited me out to Koko, a club in the heart of Camden. When I saw him this time, he spruced up quite nicely. I thought he was attractive in his fit and his hair slicked back stylishly. He wore a nice jacket with Bob Marley spray-painted on the back over a crisp white tee that you can tell was pricey, paired with a customized chain pendant necklace.

He proceeded to get us a round of drinks while we waited on a couple of other people. One of the girls was friends with Lola from NYC, Sally (fake name again). I liked Sally immediately. From Singapore, she teased the Korean-American Friend in a blunt and abrasive manner. We got along right away. Her friend joined us shortly after.

We headed over to the club and the Korean-American Friend got us into the VIP section for free. It was my first time backstage behind the DJ and I was in complete awe of the experience. To see the crowd below us while we were separated in our own section. This was what living in London was about.

The Korean-American Friend and I had a couple of moments together. We got onto the topic of travel and I told him how he needed to go to Asia because he had never been. He said he wanted to travel to Bali at some point and work remotely there.

"If you still don't get a job in London," he started. "Then we can move to Bali together and I can support us both. Only Bali though."

The man was speaking my love language, straight into my heart. I smiled and told him perhaps I would take him up on that offer at some point.

We continued to enjoy the night away, with moments of lingering touches. At one point he came up behind me, wrapped his arm across my neck, and asked in my ear if I wanted another drink. I held onto his forearm and told him I was open to another one. When he let go of me, I let my hand graze his arm.

Our light flirting sprinkled throughout the night and I quite enjoyed the attention I was getting. This was the point I finally got over the Risk Manager because I had developed a new crush.

The next day, I had my date with the Canadian Investment Banker before seeing my Korean-American Friend at a meetup group I brought him to. We weren't flirting during that time and kept it platonic in person.

However, throughout the week, we kept in touch daily via Instagram. We flirted on and off but kept it pretty subtle throughout our conversation.

A week later I had dinner with Sally. She asked me point blank if I would date the Korean-American Friend. I admitted I was very open to dating him. I told her we were flirting and he had characteristics I was looking for in a partner.

He had been quite thoughtful and considerate of others. I saw his generosity amongst his friends, such as constantly buying everyone drinks, getting friends into events, etc. Sally was going through some dating problems of her own and he responded maturely on how he would've handled certain situations if he was in Sally's guy's shoes. Overall, he had a good head on his shoulders and a high EQ.

Was I deeply invested in him? Not at all. It was a light crush.

Sally and I later went for drinks with the Korean-American Friend, and at one point, Sally mentioned how she thought he was interested in Lola, whom I hadn't met yet. I raised an eyebrow but didn't think much of it in that moment.

An hour or so later, we all found out that Lola was on her way back from a trip. Sally and the Korean-American Friend asked her to join us. She said no but eventually agreed, having to trek from the airport into central London.

When she arrived, I was stunned at how beautiful she was. I had female envy because she was absolutely gorgeous and if I was a guy, she would've been my type. On top of that, she was about to move in with the Korean-American Friend temporarily. They were going to be under the same roof.

The four of us grabbed a super late dinner. Once I got to know her, I thought Lola was fun and had the biggest wanderlust because she was constantly moving around the world. Once dinner wrapped up, we all headed home.

The Standstill

The following day, I didn't hear from the Korean-American Friend. I thought that was super odd. We had been consistently keeping in touch daily up until this point. I felt something was off.

Three days have gone by with little to no contact. Something was up. I wondered if it was because Lola returned, as I remembered Sally's comment that perhaps he was interested in Lola.

As a defense mechanism, I quickly shelved the idea of dating him and squashed out my little crush. At the end of the day, I didn't want to date anyone who was not interested in me and that very moment, he was signaling that he lost interest.

The Hangs

We had previously scheduled a hang on Sunday, which was a week later from when we last saw each other with Sally and Lola. He was supposed to go to a massive Asian festival with me. However, he had to wait for a piece of furniture to be delivered to his home so he skipped out on the festival. He was down to do dinner instead if I wanted. I obliged.

We went to a Japanese restaurant near Aldgate. At that moment, I felt that things were...normal. The flirty tension was gone and it felt like we were getting to know each other again.

Later that week, we ended up hanging with a girl he reached out to through Subtle Asian Travel. I did have a moment where I wondered if he reached out to her because she was pretty. I won't deny that I had a small twinge of jealousy, as I wasn't certain if his intentions to reach out to the girl were platonic.

She was super lovely though and at one point the Korean-American friend had to leave to get his friend who was coming from out of town. So she and I hung out for a couple of hours, gossiping about our dating lives.

Fast forward to that evening, I had gone to dinner separately with another friend. I later decided to come back to hang with the Korean-American Friend and the friend in town. I went to an F1 arcade where they were racing each other on a racecar console. The Korean-American Friend said that we were going to a place called the House Party, which was what it sounded like.

He mentioned the entrance fee and I gagged. I told him I would skip because I didn't have money to spare. He told me he would cover me, which I was not surprised. I thought it was incredibly sweet.

Did I think he was trying to impress me? Not necessarily, as I felt that this was ingrained in his personality. He was a giver and made sure his friends were taken care of. However, it was one of the many reasons why I was drawn to him.

As a giver myself, I rarely find people that match my level of giving. I might not necessarily spend money, but I go out of my way to help my friends in need, continuously inviting them out to spend quality time, and bringing them as my plus ones to influencer events. Amongst my friends, I genuinely don't have another friend who has given as much as I have in terms of acts of service and gifts.

So when I meet a guy who matches or even goes above and beyond what I typically do, of course, I'll be attracted. Those are qualities I look for in a long-term partner at the end of the day. Especially since I dated my first ex-boyfriend who took everything and left me high and dry.

The three of us had fun that night and I was grateful for the experience.

Fast forward another week, the Korean-American Friend asked if I was in central London. He saw I was posting Instagram stories around the city. I told him I was just about to leave a meetup event and he told me to join him and Lola. So I hopped on the bus and headed to Camden to a Chinese restaurant where they were.

This was my second time meeting Lola properly. Remember how I mentioned I wondered if he stopped flirting with me because Lola returned? I found out that was not the case.

The poor girl was going through a devastating heartbreak and I could tell immediately that they friendzoned each other. There was no spark between them and any suspicions I had disappeared. The Korean-American Friend was sweet enough to pay the entire bill for the three of us.

After that night, I became close to Lola and invited her out to join the Korean-American Friend and me for an Asian market we scheduled for the following day. She agreed and we hung out again the next day. I greatly enjoyed their company.

My birthday was the following week and I originally planned to skip over celebrating it. However, the Korean-American Friend said that there was no way we were doing that. I thought it was incredibly sweet and thoughtful. It made me a little emotional because I never had a guy insist on celebrating my birthday, as silly as that sounds.

He told me he was going to make the reservation once I selected the restaurant. I messaged the people I became close with over the last three months of living in London to join me.

The Contemplation

About two to three days before my birthday, he mentioned he was about to go on a date. Something in me got a little triggered. After we had reconnected, my crush on him started back up. I realized that if I didn't mention to him soon I was open to dating, I might miss my chance.

However, I was still hesitant to do anything. Realistically, if he was interested in me, he would've made a move by now, right? Cause, after all, he did pull back and we were no longer flirting.

Before my birthday dinner on Thursday, I hung out with Lola one-on-one at a museum. We were chitchatting about random things, including how we thought the guy Sally was dating sucked. However, curiosity got to the best of me and I asked Lola how the date went for the Korean-American Friend.

She mentioned how he wasn't entirely sure about the girl, but it sounded like a second date was lined up. Lola was excited for him and said, "I think she might be the one, based on her photo!"

When I heard that, I cringed a bit on the inside. It wasn't nice to hear that about a guy you have a crush on.

About 10 or so minutes later, I asked Lola, "Can I make a confession?"

She nodded.

"So, I am interested in our Korean-American Friend."

"What???" Lola was taken aback. She had no idea. "I thought you friendzoned him! You kept talking about dating other men around us!"

"That's because I felt like he friendzoned me! And obviously I would talk about dating around friends!" I said exasperatedly. "But I don't talk to him about dating when it's just him and I."

Lola shook her head, "I truly thought you friendzoned him from how you were around him. Although..."

She pondered for a second before continuing.

"There was a moment I thought you guys had chemistry. I don't recall what happened but I remembered having that thought and didn't think much of it cause I was having my own boy problems," she laughed.

"However, you must tell him. You have to let him know!" she squealed. She continued saying that if she had no idea I was interested in him, there was no way he would've. She didn't feel he would make a move without the green light.

"I don't know, I want a guy to chase me though. Then I know he's actually interested," I told her. After all, years of experience have taught me that going after the guy you want never pans out. Normally, it was one-sided and I never had a guy I expressed interest in reciprocating his feelings.

"I don't think he will reject you," she said confidently. "The man has a lot of love to give, and I think he just wants to be loved."

She insisted I confess my interest soon and said she was going to keep a close eye on me that night during my birthday dinner.

I pondered about it and thought, heck why not let him know? Truthfully, I knew the stakes were low for me emotionally. My crush on him was small and our friendship was so new. If he said no, I wouldn't be fussed and we could resume back to normal (minus my ego bruise of course). I should at least let him know that he had a window of opportunity to pursue me if he was interested.

At the end of the day, on a scale of 1-10, I liked him around a 5 or 6. It was enough to see if dating could work, but also, not enough to go into the deep end if he rejected me.

If he was successful at wooing me, my feelings would grow, going from 5 to 10 on the feelings scale. The Risk Manager was a solid 10 on the interest scale, whereas the Canadian Investment Banker was at a 2.

The Confession

Later that night, all my friends came out to celebrate my birthday. I felt warm and fuzzy inside after seeing different friends from my time in London join me for dinner.

Throughout the night, I tried to amp up the physical connection with my Korean-American Friend because he sat beside me. I had my knee touching his, offering him my food, and gave him some attention. However, being in a crowded environment amongst friends, there was no way I was pulling some super flirty moves. I wasn't sure if he noticed my attempts.

After dinner was finished, some of my friends headed home. For a moment, the Korean-American Friend was about to go until he saw a couple of my friends were willing to stay to get drinks with me. I sighed with relief, as I really wanted to just let him know that night I was interested in him and get it off my chest.

I thought perhaps we were gonna end up in a pub, which would allow us a moment together. Instead, most of the bars and pubs nearby were closed so the group ended up at a sit-down cocktail place. We were there for about an hour, enjoying unique and quirky cocktails (one of the drinks came out of a bottle with a skull for its cap!).

When we all finished up, he went ahead out the door before everyone. I saw this as my one and only opportunity to tell him.

I followed after him before the rest of my friends made their way out.

"Can you hold this?" I passed my bag to him to hold while I put on my coat. As I pulled my arm through the sleeve, I abruptly said, "I like you. Do as you will with that information."

He didn't react, so I wasn't sure if he had heard me. "Did you hear me?"

"Yeah," he said, with his eyes slightly wide.

I nodded and repeated myself. "Okay, do as you will with that information."

The rest of my friends started clamouring out so I turned my attention to them, pretending everything was normal.

"My last train is in eight minutes. I got to run." The Korean-American Friend gave everyone a hug goodbye, myself included, before running off.

In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best way to surprise attack him with an "I like you!" but at the time, I really wanted to get it off my chest since I already made it my mission to tell him that day after my conversation with Lola.

That night, he messaged me saying that he rather chat about it in person. We had already scheduled to hang out for Sunday so I just needed to wait for three more days.

Later I mentioned to my friend living in Japan who has been up-to-date with my Korean-American Friend saga what had happened.

"I don't think he is interested," she started. "I felt that he would have admitted to liking you right away if he felt the same. Instead, he's making you wait to talk about it."

I didn't think she was wrong to think that. At the end of the day, I was mentally prepared for a rejection. That is always a risk when you tell someone you like them. However, I didn't think it would alter our friendship if he said no (or so I thought).

The Rejection

We originally scheduled to go to a Japanese Festival in central London. I met him there. I took some video content, got a couple of free pens, and walked around the festival to see what each booth offered.

Once we were done, we headed over to our favourite Chinese restaurant, Master Wei Xi'An, which Sally introduced us to before she left home for NYC.

We sat outside and I asked to keep my purse hanging on his side because my back was to the street. He looked at my purse and said, "I don't think I've seen you with this before."

"Brand new. Well, new to me. I got it at a clothing swap!"

This interaction was either an indication of how often we hung out or how observant the man was. Or both.

Our meals came and I ate in glee. The price point was not only amazing, but the food was superb. I slurped through the thick noodles like a child. Of course in the back of my mind, I was wondering when he was going to bring up the topic of discussion. However, I wasn't the one to talk about it first.

He ended up paying the bill and said I could get the dessert since I getting some free dessert for my birthday.

We went to Costa and I picked up a slice of cake. It was Chocolate and Salted Caramel. I found out earlier that he liked Salted Caramel so I thought it would be nice to grab a cake in his favourite flavour since he kindly paid for my meal.

"So," he stabbed his fork into the piece of cake once we were seated. "I'm sure you've been waiting to hear what I have to say this entire time."

I nodded, taking a piece of cake for myself. He gave me a look and looked down at the cake. I could tell the rejection was coming just from his body language alone.

"If you are gonna reject me, just do it now," I laughed.

"I don't want to ruin our friendship! I don't want to hurt you," he responded. I could tell he was anxious about rejecting me.

"That's okay," I waved it off. "I thought I would give it a shot and give you the window of opportunity, in case you were interested."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You aren't. And if I am, I will handle my emotions," I said confidently. No lies were being told. At the end of the day, it would be an ego bruise but that was the extent of it. I didn't like him deeply enough to get heartbroken or for the friendship to end.

I outlined to him that I was open to trying a couple of dates. If it didn't work out, we could go to being friends. No harm, no foul.

"Going on dates is still in the safe zone," I told him. "We can go back to a friendship with no problem while still being in the safe zone. Once we pass the safe zone, then yeah, our friendship would probably be over if we don't work out."

"Are you talking about what I am thinking of, regarding the safe zone?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Yeeep." At the end of the day, sex is what permanently alters a relationship for me. "We flirted at one point so I just thought there might've been something there."

"Yeah, we did." He admitted.

"Then it stopped, so I wasn't sure if you lost interest or not."

"Actually, Sally asked me randomly one day if I would date you. Up until that point, I was going with the flow of things. Then when she asked me, I had to think about it. So yeah..."

I knew it, I thought. My gut feeling was right, yet again. I suspected something had happened for him to withdraw his flirting and now I know why.

"That's fine. If you aren't romantically interested in me, then I get it," I said nonchalantly. I simply misunderstood his flirting for something more, my mistake. This was exactly why I told Lola I preferred the man to chase me. Then I knew for certain they were interested.

"It's not that," he said.

"Huh? What do you mean? You're not romantically interested in me, that's completely fine."

"It's not that," he repeated insistently. Did that mean he was romantically interested but something was holding him back? Or he simply didn't want to hurt my feelings by admitting it?

"Well, I don't know why else then..."

"If you want to call it that, then we can call it that," he said.

"Alright," I said. "Well, all good then. We move on."

We hung out for the rest of the day together, platonically. During that time, I asked when he wanted me to come over to try his cooking. I was planning to come over for the past month but haven't had the chance to.

I looked at my calendar and said my next availability was the upcoming Saturday. Otherwise, we would have to wait until November because my weekends were booked up until then since he was going to Amsterdam the following week.

"Let's do it Saturday," he said.

"Cool." I immediately booked it into my calendar. I thought it would be great to hang out with him and Lola, as Lola was going to leave London soon.

The Korean-American Friend and I spent time exploring Camden. I didn't realize how big Camden Market was until I fully explored it. There was a huge rave store and plenty of cool souvenir stalls.

We came across a gacha place at some point. There were rows and rows of gacha vending machines. Some were anime, others were just cute characters, and then you'd have random trinkets.

I thought it was super cute so I took a quick Instagram story. Then when we were walking around, I rummaged through my purse to get a napkin.

"Are you trying to get coins for the games?" He asked laughing.

"No, just trying to find napkins! Plus, I am so indecisive with these things. I'd take forever to decide on what I want."

When I looked up from my bag, he held out his hand and dropped a couple of gacha coins into my palm. That immediately triggered my love language: gifts. "Aw, you didn't have to!"

"Have fun," he smirked.

"Oh my god, is it because I said I was indecisive? We are gonna be here forever!"

And as truthful as I was, I took about 10 or so minutes to decide where I wanted to spend my coins. It came down to two machines, and I finally decided on a cute Mofusand keychain. It was my first (and most likely last) indirect gift from the Korean-American Friend. (I later attached it onto a crossbody bag at home.)

Our last stop was at a Malaysian restaurant before we ended the night on a good note.

I later brought up his rejection to a small group of friends, including Lola and Sally. Lola responded that she was genuinely shocked when he came to her to tell her he was rejecting me. She was so positive it was going to work out in my favour knowing him.

It was wishful thinking but at the end of the day, I respected that if he wasn't interested, I wasn't going to force anything. I have always accepted the reality, especially having been rejected by so many men over the years (as seen throughout this blog). I thought perhaps the friends-to-lovers trope was going to be for me since online dating gave me no favours. However, looks like I am wrong in this stead.

The Disinvitation

The following day (Monday), I looked up clothing swap events and saw one near Stratford, where the Korean-American Friend lived. It was happening on the same day as our cooking, so I thought it was a great two-in-one day.

I messaged him telling him I would stop by at 3 PM on Saturday because it would be right after the clothing swap. He agreed and I placed the swap event into my calendar.

A few hours later, I got a message from him. Here was the conversation word-to-word:

"Hey, so thinking about it more - I think we should skip cooking this Saturday. I'll see you at (insert another friend's name here) on Sunday." I originally invited him and Lola out to a friend's Thanksgiving dinner, which this message referred to.

"Dude, are you freaking out," I texted back.

"Nahh, not freaking out."

"Then what dude, WHAT? You keep wanting me to come over to have food, sheesh. So now, you don't want to make me food anymore." I was clearly annoyed and felt blindsided by him disinviting me. I felt a little hurt as a friend. Rejection, I could take, but this felt like a jab.

"I know, but that was before our talk," he responded. I was annoyed at this. We scheduled the cooking after we had the conversation (aka the rejection). He was the one who suggested the earlier date, instead of the later time. I did not like how he backtracked at all.

"Then you are freaking out bro."

"...I'm really not."

"I'm gonna make you get on a call right now," I wrote back in huff.

"I can't, I'm working."

"Dude, I thought we were just gonna be friends and normal. This is not the definition of friends and normal."

"It's just something that I'm requesting for now, please. It doesn't mean that we aren't going to be normal friends."

"Okay," I wrote back, not fully believing it. "This is genuinely throwing me off, but I'll respect your space."

"I know, try not to read into it too much, it's just a me thing. There are no ulterior motives or complex thoughts."

I wanted to send him a barrage of other messages but stopped myself. I didn't want to chase after friendships or men. "In this case, I will leave things be per your request. If you want to continue to hang in the future, you can let me know."

"Thank you."

"No problem." The ball was officially in his court.

The Analyzation

In Serial First Dater fashion, I immediately told all my friends after he disinvited me. I told them how when he originally rejected me, my ego was bruised but I moved on. However, I might've misunderstood that he had any real interest because we briefly flirted in the beginning and I was willing to accept that was on me for jumping the gun.

I had friends who thought it was good I told the Korean-American Friend upfront that I was interested, so I got it out of the way early and emotions didn't have to fester if I was rejected much later on. I had other friends who thought I shouldn't have done that and should have implied only interest to see if he would initiate.

When I told my friends about how he disinvited me, I had friends echoing how he was immature to others who understood and sympathized with where he was coming from. Each person had their own opinion on the matter, from full-heartedly saying how I was too good for him to that I should've expected him to react the way he did.

I had another friend comment how she didn't find him attractive. Which, if we were talking about attractiveness to the general public, he wasn't top of the list. But again, personality could win me over as long as I found the guy physically decent

What did I learn, yet again? If he was interested, he would've made a move. This was what I suspected in the beginning and wanted to hold off to observe his behaviour some more. However, once Lola said that I needed to tell him ASAP, I felt the urgency. I can't help it, I am easily swayed by my friends.

In hindsight, as I am writing out this entry (and we are still not done here), I feel like telling him that I liked him became a bigger deal than it actually was. Why? Let me continue...

The Party

The following Sunday, I went over to a friend's house for Canadian Thanksgiving. As a lively host, he told everyone he invited they were welcome to invite whoever they wished.

Before my "confession", I had already invited the Korean-American Friend, Lola, and a couple of other friends to come out. As a social butterfly, I like connecting people who will get along with each other. I had a feeling the Korean-American Friend would get along with the host and my thoughts were confirmed on the night of my birthday when they both met for the first time.

I ended up chatting with a Chinese-American girl at the party's start, whom I briefly met when I first arrived in London. She was quite friendly and we immediately bonded over our experiences as Asian expats in London. She expressed how she was unsure if she could stay abroad forever because her family was back in L.A. and she was the only child.

She asked if I was ever homesick and I told her truthfully no. Perhaps later I would be, but I felt like I was finally living my authentic life and living on my own terms. Something I never had the opportunity to do except when living in Australia. I had always lived with my parents and never had real freedom.

Sometime after we bonded, we continued moving around the party separately. The Korean-American Friend and Lola came together and I immediately bounced over, happy to see familiar faces. I introduced them to the people I have met so far.

"I have only met Canadians so far," the Korean-American Friend complained.

"I met a couple of Americans," I said. "I'll introduce you to them."

I am naturally a social glue, so of course I wanted to make sure that the Korean-American Friend could finally meet some fellow Americans at the party.

Did I perhaps think this was the party where he would meet a girl he'd be interested in? Before he arrived at the party, yes, yes I did. I even thought there was a pretty Russian girl at the party he might be interested in if they talked.

But as the party continued, I pushed those thoughts away and thoroughly enjoyed the party for what it was. I wanted this to be another London memory, living my best life.

The Korean-American Friend and I passed by the Chinese-American girl and I immediately introduced them.

"She's American," I motioned.

"Yeah!" He like pumped his fist back, glad to finally meet his first American at the party. They started talking and I headed to the washroom.

I came back and saw they were still chitchatting, so I went to find Lola instead. We chatted on the balcony and the topic became the Korean-American Friend. She asked how I felt, and like a broken record, I mentioned how I was going to get over it. Since he wasn't interested in me, I knew I would lose interest at some point.

"You sure talk about him a lot though, huh," Lola piped up.

"Well, I am in the process of getting over it still," I admitted. It was always part of my process, to just talk out my feelings until I felt there was nothing left to say or I got bored of it.

She nodded understandingly.

We glanced over to the Korean-American Friend and the Chinese-American girl.

"Are you playing matchmaker?" Lola asked, eyeing the two who had been chatting for the last hour or so.

"No," I said truthfully. "He said he didn't meet any Americans so I introduced him to one."

After all, the last thing I wanted to do at the time was to introduce him to someone that he might be interested in. Though I did have a fleeting thought it would've been better for me to get over him more quickly.

We headed back inside from the balcony and greeted the two. Lola introduced herself and we all started talking. We somehow landed on the topic of dating and the Chinese-American girl told us that she was interested in only dating Asian guys. She also preferred men who were taller than her. She was my height, 5'9, and the Korean-American Friend was 5'10. Those immediately tipped me off that perhaps the Korean-American Friend would be a contender.

The Chinese-American girl's friend came bouncing up to us, clearly abbreviated by god knows how many drinks.

I immediately was able to read the signals she was sending the Chinese-American girl. After all, I was a woman, and reading another woman's facial expressions and body language was not difficult at all.

Although there were hushed whispers and such, the facial expressions essentially went like this:

"I see you have been talking to this guy for a while," the friend wiggled her eyebrows at the Chinese-American girl. "Are you interested in him?"

The Chinese-American girl didn't react as loudly in her expressions, but I sensed that she was keen. I was not surprised and definitely didn't feel the best about the situation.

Lola wanted to head home as she had to get ready to fly back to Toronto the following day, so we promptly said our goodbyes. I asked the Chinese-American girl for her Instagram but she didn't have one so she grabbed my WhatsApp instead.

She turned around and left. Like clockwork, the Korean-American Friend went after her to get her contact. It was like watching television and predicting what was going to happen next.

We finally headed out once he got her number.

That night, I was unable to sleep. I tossed and turned. I thought about how perhaps I had introduced the Korean-American Friend to his newest girlfriend. Of course, I was catastrophizing here, but my brain wanted to spiral so I had no choice but to let it. After all, as an outsider looking in, it seemed like the two were interested in each other. All thanks to me. And my social glue personality.

I woke up the next morning, groggy and mentally drained from having very little sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about the Korean-American Friend and the Chinese-American girl together.

However, I got to the kitchen to make breakfast and felt significantly better. It was like a light switch had turned on and I was no longer emotionally invested in the Korean-American Friend.

This happened a few times in the past when I would be obsessing over a guy, all heartbroken. Then after enough time passed, something washed over me and I would be over the situation.

Normally, I would get over anyone from a couple of days to a few weeks. This was an ability I developed for myself, having gone through tragically long heartbreaks in the past. I learned to quickly feel through all my emotions to snap out of it, before returning back to normal.

Many friends have told me that they were impressed with my skill to get over men quickly. As a hopeless romantic, I get interested in men fast. But as fast as I liked them, it was possible for me to lose interest just as quick.

It was a well-trained defense mechanism in which I have endured many tears and restless nights to become fast with processing certain male crushes out of my system.

Present Time, Reflection, and the Future

Since the Thanksgiving party, the Korean-American Friend and I did not exchange contact for days. However, I sent him a message a couple of days ago to wish him a safe flight and have fun as he was heading to Amsterdam for a techno rave festival.

At this point, without Lola in London, since she returned to Toronto and NYC, I don't see any reason for him to keep in touch with me. Sally thinks we will still be friends after I mentioned what happened after the confession, but I am uncertain. I have left the ball squarely in his court so at the end of the day, he needed to reach out if he was still interested in continuing the friendship.

As far as I see it, I felt he needed more space than I did. Perhaps not understanding my interest in him was quite minor in comparison to a typical "I like you." After all, the whole situation took me about a week and a half to get over from the night I told him at my birthday.

I admit, I had moments of missing him, but platonically. I had a friend say that because I was not a HELL YES about him from the start (as I kept mentioning I was on the fence and could either grow feelings or lose interest), she felt he wasn't it. She believed that the right guy would be someone I would want all the way through.

Now, I don't disagree with her. I am a believer that feelings can grow as I have experienced that many times. But I understood where she was coming from. And to be honest, a part of me agreed. Throughout this time, despite liking the Korean-American Friend, it wasn't like my loins were burning for him. Not like they did for the Risk Manager and even the British Software Engineer on the first three dates.

After having gotten over the Korean-American Friend, I had thoughts of the Risk Manager cropping back up. I had moments of wishful thinking that it would be nice if he randomly messaged me again, to ask me out.

Instead, I probably will only see him again in the future if I join the Midnight Runners London run club. However, I think I will leave it for next year when the weather warms up. I mean, I wasn't thinking of joining a rub club just for Risk Manager. But, he was an incentive. Perhaps by next year, the whole ex situation will be over, who knows.

And yes, I am deluluing, please let me be. I rarely get such a gorgeous half-British, half-Chinese man who wants me as much as I want him (at the time). I still daydream of how he looked into my eyes while flirting with me, and took his chance to just kiss me. I love it when a man takes charge. I felt like I was in a movie. No man has made me feel that giddy before. At least, not in recent years I can recall.

One of my favourite photos in London is one the Risk Manager took of me on the rooftop bar of the cinema during our date. He captured me in my most natural state and living in the moment. I have it up on my Instagram account and I feel nostalgic every time I look at the photo.

Of course, the Risk Manager might never come back into my life. But I definitely won't ever forget how he made me feel. I now understand why Rose still thinks of Jack after all those years in Titanic.

I also was lowkey deluluing about the Canadian Investment Banker. As in maybe he will come around and realize that he is interested in me after all. Especially now I have a proper job, compared to when he first met me and I was unemployed. After all, who wouldn't want a tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed investment banker who has a flat in Zone 1? Not to mention, he reminds me of the Ex-Actor.

But before this post was published, I discovered the Canadian Investment Banker started seeing someone so I am now holding off on the delulu.

The Podcast

Now, you may be wondering, hey Serial First Dater, why in the world is this dating entry so goddamn long?

Well my dear friend, you probably know at this point I am writing a lot because of a special little AI discovery I made called NotebookLM.

I originally had NotebookLM create an audio overview here. Which summarized all my dates in London up to my fourth and last date with the British Software Engineer. It is like my own podcast, where I get to hear how my life played out from third-party observers. It was very much Sex and the City but in London. Of course, I am obsessed with my own life right now. I am practically living out a rom-com.

As of now, I want NotebookLM to run through my blog again for a new audio overview. However, I don't want NotebookLM to summarize the audio overview like the listener is discovering my blog for the first time and hasn't heard the previous London dating stories. Instead, I want NotebookLM to start the audio overview continuing from the last one, after my last date with the British Software Engineer. So stay tuned...

[serialfirstdater]

London #12: Petite Loki

After my first date with the Canadian Investment Banker, I had a dry spell in the dating arena. One month to be exact with a roster of zero.

It wasn't because I was taking a break from the apps. I was very much open to dating but as I mentioned in my previous dating entry, I was being more selective with the people I swiped right on in the last couple of months.

Cue to one and a half weeks ago as I was swiping on Tinder. I came across an attractive Aussie with bright blue eyes and dark curly brown hair who liked my profile. He was 29, but that was the youngest I would go out with. Seeing that he was Australian made me go right on him.

We started chatting and it was only about a day or two later, that I realized he might be short. He never indicated his height on his profile but upon closer inspection of the photos, I suspected he was shorter than me. But the conversation was already rolling and he started to send voice notes via WhatsApp once we exchanged numbers. I felt like I couldn't back out of anything now, especially since we got along swimmingly via voice notes.

He wanted to have a phone call before setting anything up. I obliged, as hey, it saves us both time and effort if the call turns out to be awkward.

As predicted, the conversation flowed naturally since he was in sales. Put a salesperson and a PR person together, it wasn't hard to keep the conversation going.

We chatted for about an hour and a half before we were ready to close out the call. At the end, he asked if there was anything specific I wanted to know. I told him I couldn't think of anything at that moment but was happy to answer any questions or dealbreakers he had.

"Uh, well it shows on your Tinder profile you are 5'9," he started. "I didn't realize until now. I'm actually 5'7, are you okay with that?"

I hesitated and thought, goddammit, I knew it. I mentioned to him I have a preference for taller men but have dated shorter in the past.

"If my hesitation is enough to stop you, that's okay," I told him. "But I am down to meet if you are since we had a good convo."

He said he was good to continue so we confirmed on a day and time. I lowkey suspected he was aware of the height difference from the start but thought to cover his ass in this instance.

The day of the date rolled around and he was in town for work, since he lived out in Surrey and not in London. We scheduled to meet at 6 PM, but to my dismay, the train line I needed to take was down. He suggested meeting at Gloucester Road Station instead as he was an easy half-hour walk away and it was one stop away for me.

When I arrived, he was still on his way. About ten or so minutes passed before he arrived. When I saw him, I just knew I wasn't into him. As mentioned before, he was 5'7 but had a smaller body frame. Standing at 5'9, I was towering over him in height and size.

He was attractive and reminded me of Tom Hiddleston as Loki but Harry Potter/Daniel Radcliffe-sized. His height alone killed any attraction I had towards him in all honesty.

We went to a nearby pub where he got me an espresso martini and we found a side of the pub to chat for the next bit. At one point he mentioned how his older brother has been with his girlfriend for seven years.

I made a face and asked if his brother was planning to propose anytime soon. He said he was sure his brother will next year. He laughed and said I seemed concerned for the girlfriend even though I didn't know her.

"I mean, if I have been with my partner as long as she has, I would expect to be engaged or married by now," I stated.

Petite Loki mentioned how he thought after a couple of years was too soon for an engagement. I disagreed and said a long dating history with one person only makes sense if you started dating young.

Sometime after, Petite Loki got hungry so we left the pub to search for food. I had already eaten before the date because I thought I would not be interested in him once we met. So I knew I wouldn't eat as he would have probably paid on the date. I didn't want to do that when my interest was at zero.

We ended up in a Chipotle and he got me an iced tea while he had a burrito bowl. The conversation throughout the date was kept surface-level and friendly, just getting to know each other. I expressed how I was finally living out the youth I never had and was in my "yes" era. Anyone listening in probably would've thought I was not looking to settle down from how enthusiastic I was about living my best life in London.

I knew for sure by the end of the date he wasn't feeling anything either. So when he finished his Chipotle, we headed to the tube station to head home after the two-hour date. I hugged him and said goodbye, content to never speak to him again. He didn't follow up that evening so I thought that was the end.

Three days later when I was out with my friends, I checked my WhatsApp. I saw a message in my archive folder and wondered who it was before opening it. It was Petite Loki, whom I had archived the chat the day previous as I thought I would never talk to the man again.

He asked if I had plans that evening. He told me his flatmate was away and wanted to see if I would like to come over.

Excuse me? A booty call?? I thought in disbelief. Now, I understand all men are the same at the end of the day, but I was annoyed that he thought I was willing to trek all the way to bloody Surrey for a hookup. Especially when he only got me one espresso martini and an iced tea. The Risk Manager and the British Software Engineer earned the hookups because they put effort into the dates and spent proper money. I was not spending the time and money to go out of my way for someone I wasn't even that attracted to.

I responded I would pass but wished him a good night with a smiley face. He never replied.

Men, always coming around to disappoint.

[serialfirstdater]

London #11: The Canadian Investment Banker

Every time I move abroad, I end up dating or landing on a man who is the "trend" of the season. Back in Australia, I was with my Crazy, Rich Asian Ex. Now, the newest trend of summer 2024 is a man in "finance, trust fund, 6'5, blue eyes."

At this point in my dating journey, I have slowed down with swiping on the apps because I became pickier with my matches. I know I am spoiled for choice here in London, so I wanted to swipe people who I felt were up to my standards in attraction, occupation, and height (if possible).

So when I came across a tall, blue-eyed finance guy who was relatively cute, I immediately swiped right. Also, he was a fellow Canuck, but from British Columbia.

As a Canadian Investment Banker, our conversation was incredibly slow due to his busy work life. He responded once a day, twice if I'm lucky or every other day if I am not. I decided to not put too much effort or thought into our conversation. He was cute and to be honest, makes well enough for me to continue the conversation. However, I was not expecting it to go anywhere and was ready for the ball to drop at any time. After all, I was sure he was spoiled for choice in women.

About three weeks after we matched, we finally had a coffee date. Now, I normally don't do coffee dates because it is low effort and quite frankly, cheap. However, I let it go for the Canadian Investment Banker cause, he's a good-looking investment banker LOL.

When we met, the conversation was good. Amazing? Not necessarily, but we got along. I liked that he was honest that his job was simply a job. He didn't believe that his work was life-changing, but he acknowledged that it gave him a comfortable life here in London. Enough to afford a flat in Zone 1 and the nicer things in life. He disliked how other guys in his field made themselves important because of their careers. He wasn't a "typical finance bro" which made me more attracted to him because it was so refreshing.

I sensed from talking that the Canadian Investment Banker was a slow build. If we were to connect, we needed to see each other more often. The complete opposite of the Risk Manager who gave me a whirlwind of emotions and intense chemistry.

Throughout our conversation though, I admit that I sometimes did not know what he was saying because I got lost in his deep blue-grey eyes. He reminded me of my ex, the Ex-Actor, whom I dated for 8 months before I flew off to Australia. His facial features, how he spoke, and overall presence were similar to the Ex-Actor.

Luckily being good at conversation and an extrovert who learned how to adapt, I don't think he realized I zoned out many times because I pieced bits and parts of the conversation together to still understand what he was talking about.

We parted ways after about an hour and a half as I had to run to a meetup event with my Korean-American Friend (I'm nicknaming a friend? Yes, cause he will have his own entry soon enough so stay tuned) and he had to prep dinner for his friends coming over.

After that date, we continued to text at a snail's pace with one text per day. As attractive as he was, and let's be honest, cream of the crop out of most people I have matched with, I started to lose interest. Having healed and worked through my attachment style, going from anxious to secure, I no longer am interested in anyone I think is not interested in me. I need consistency and effort, otherwise, I mentally move on.

I thought perhaps he was trying to slowfade me. So I pulled back my energy and only reacted to his last reply to let the conversation die out.

To my surprise after four days of zero communication, I received an honest message from him apologizing for his slow responses. He was looking for someone more settled and briefly described how he was dating an American woman and she had to suddenly move back to the States. However, he wanted to stay in touch as friends because he thoroughly enjoyed our chat, despite taking ages to respond. He invited me to Thanksgiving dinner in the following weeks.

I was pleasantly surprised by his mature message, truly not expecting to hear from him. I responded by saying that I am open to staying in London long-term but it depends on my life circumstances and who I meet. I then agreed to come out to Thanksgiving. I was uncertain if me telling him I was open to living in London changed his mind about me.

He added me to the Thanksgiving group chat on WhatsApp where I saw more of his personality shine through. He told the group that if anyone were to skip out on the Thanksgiving dinner, they might miss him wearing a turkey hat. It signaled to me he has a fun, quirky personality. I secretly checked out his Instagram and could tell from his feed he had a particular type of humour, where he just put plain random text over images without care for aesthetics. It immediately reminded me of the Ex-Actor again.

I knew it! I thought. My spidey senses were correct to clock the similarities between the two men. The Ex-Actor was a quirky guy too, but I found him incredibly endearing throughout our eight months together. I am sure because the Canadian Investment Banker reminded me so much of the Ex-Actor, someone I still have the biggest soft spot for even half a decade later, is why I am attracted to him.

Roughly three weeks after our coffee date, he asked if I wanted to join him for after-work drinks. It was too last minute so I couldn't. I told him if he wanted to do it next time to let me know earlier. I'm a planner and doing things last minute never really works for me.

He suggested the following Friday and I agreed.

The following Thursday, he mentioned being at the pub with his colleagues. That's when I clocked perhaps this wasn't a date as I thought (or lowkey hoped). I brought it up to him in a straight, but friendly manner asking if this was simply a friendly hang. After all, I mentioned that I was open to settling in London.

He sent me a message saying he felt we were in two different stages of our lives and thus only see friendship between us. I understood. I originally thought his issue was that I might not be staying in London long-term but it turns out he was looking for someone more settled in their career. Unfortunately, I was nowhere near having my career settled, having moved to London from Toronto without a job and decided to pivot industries again.

I don't blame him for wanting someone more settled because I like the same for my partner.

I told him it was no problem and was happy to clarify things. It would've been annoying to have the ambiguity ongoing.

I dropped by the pub he was at with his colleagues on Friday in Mayfair. As I suspected, the ease of our conversation flowed much more naturally the second time around. I won't deny, that he was still quite attractive to me and that conversation chemistry was budding.

I didn't stay too long as I had another meetup to run to and he had to get dinner with friends. I was nervous just before I came to the pub but was glad to have done it and felt more relaxed around him the second time.

A couple of days later he shot me a message, apologizing that the pub hang was short. Despite being super slow at conversations, he was thoughtful and always made sure to follow up.

As I type this entry, we are still texting (continuing at a snail's pace). The romantic in me would love to see him change his mind and become interested in dating me later because I felt there was some chemistry there. But the realist in me has shelved the delulu to focus my energy on other things. Considering the pace of our conversation, there is no point in deluluing.

This was the first time a man asked me for friendship after a date. I am happy to do so with the Canadian Investment Banker because my emotional investment is quite low and I can keep things platonic if my feelings have not grown yet (like they did with the Risk Manager, whom I refuse to befriend because I knew it would be heartbroken if I saw him with someone else). If someone continues to show me that they do not want to date me, my romantic attachment towards them disappears. Unless it is a case like Risk Manager, whom I've already gone too deep into emotionally.

I assume my friendship with the Canadian Investment Banker will be casual. Only time will tell what kind of friendship it will be, or if we even stay friends.

[serialfirstdater]

London #10: The "Handsome" Chinese British

If you have been on dating apps long enough, you might have encountered some fake handsome Asian men. Usually, they are bots, trying to scam you. But you can always tell from their photos that they are just too good looking and everything they write seems...fake.

When I came across the "Handsome" Chinese British, I thought he might've been those fake bots. However, I could tell from how he answered the Hinge questions on his profile that he was a real person. We started talking once we matched and he asked me on a date after.

We agreed to meet at the National Gallery because I was doing a scavenger hunt with a meetup group. I left the scavenger hunt half an hour early to see him. I was a little excited to meet but wondered how he'd be.

It didn't take me long to spot him sitting outside the gallery. The moment he saw me and got up, I just knew. I had zero attraction to this man. It wasn't because he was a catfish, he was exactly who he was in the photos. However, he was much more photogenic than he actually was. His good looks in 2-D images did not translate.

I realized why he did not smile with his teeth in his photos. Once he started smiling and talking, it distorted his face making him unattractive (to me at least). He didn't have the best teeth, being a bit too small for his face. However, I sensed from how he spoke that he was 10% socially awkward. Which was already too awkward in my books.

We walked from the National Gallery to a chain pub where he bought us four cocktails because there was a 2-for-1 deal. We sat across from each other, where I was against the wall on a long bench and he was on top of a stool. I felt his energy being super interested in me. It was a lot from the way he expressed himself and the continuous compliments.

At one point he said the pub was too loud and decided to sit next to me to close the physical gap. I cringed when he kept trying to break physical contact, laughing, and tapping my shoulders lightly or shaking them when he expressed himself in the conversation.

After five minutes of him sitting next to me, I told him I needed to go to the washroom. I made my escape and texted my good friend back in Toronto how I was on a date with the "Handsome" Chinese British and he was not as cute as he was in his photos.

When I returned to our table, he immediately scooted over to allow me to take my original seat. However, I promptly sat down at his original seat, the stool across, and insisted he stay there. If this was not the biggest hint I was uninterested, I don't know what was.

At one point, we spoke about designer items. I expressed how I wanted to shop luxury brands here in London, as I have a penchant for the finer things in life (also why I need a man with money). I hoped to find good designer deals since I heard London had more options than Canada. One of my goals is to purchase a classic Burberry trench.

"You have the right body for it," he complimented, winking at me and making an a-ok sign with his hand. I internally cringed at his attempts to flatter me as it had the opposite effect.

Once we finished our drinks, he suggested we go somewhere quieter. I immediately told him it was getting late and I needed to head home. I google mapped my way back and saw that the tube station was by the pub. I needed to transfer tube lines to get home. He suggested that we walk to the second tube line.

"Errr, we could walk a little bit," I said, not entirely happy that he was not getting the hint I was not interested in continuing the date.

We were south of the Thames River and to get to the main tube line that I needed to take was a bit of a trek. A good 20 or so minutes. I knew I didn't want to walk that long with him.

The moment we started walking, he brought up food.

"We should get you some food," he said.

"Ahh, I'm good."

"No no, we should definitely get you some food."

"I'm alright," I pushed back.

"But you haven't had anything with all that alcohol you just drank." He pointed out. "Come on, we need to get you something to eat."

Normally, if I like a guy and he goes out of his way to ensure I am well-fed, I would be thrilled. After all, one of my main love languages is gifts and when a man buys me food, I am pretty happy. However, when I am not interested, no good deed a guy does would really win me over. Especially when I am absolutely unattracted to them.

I caved and said we could get some fries then.

We walked to a food stall along the river. To my disbelief, he ordered fries AND a burger. He asked the cashier if the burger could be cut in half and she said he could tell the cook that once the burger was done.

We sat down on the bench by the stall. Not long after his order was called. He came back with the fries and an uncut burger.

I pointed out the burger was not cut in half.

"Oh you can take a bite and I can take a bite!" He exclaimed, waving that it was no big deal. "We are the same, you and I! We can share!"

My eyes bulged, mentally going 'Hell no!' to the idea of sharing spit with this man. He eventually got a knife and cut the burger in half. The burger was delicious but I had a hard time enjoying it because I couldn't wait to finish up the date that he purposely stretched out.

When we finished eating, I told him I rather just take the next tube station we passed by so I could head home. I think that was what finally clicked for him and I wasn't keen on continuing the date.

We headed over to the tube station and went in the same direction towards the same tube stop. I was mentally counting down the minutes until we parted. Once we got to our destination, I gave him a quick hug goodbye and hopped onto my train.

He sent a message after, thanking me for my time. I replied in kind. And we never spoke again after that, thank god.

To this day I wondered if he knew I wanted to get out of the date early but was trying his hardest to try to win me over. Or if he truly was that obtuse.

[serialfirstdater]

Date 4 with the British Software Engineer

Remember my second-ever date in London was with the British Software Engineer? Well, you'd never thought he'd make a return to the blog huh? Neither did I.

After our third date, we briefly kept in contact until he disappeared completely. I didn't think much of it and moved on easily because I felt that the three dates were enough for me to sense that perhaps we were not the right fit. However, I was still open if he were to come back because I genuinely enjoyed our dates.

Cue my surprise when he randomly popped back up and apologized for disappearing because he got COVID-19. My friends said it was odd that he didn't tell me before disappearing, but I was honestly not bothered. My investment in him was so low that I was simply indifferent to his return. (I have healed too much when it comes to dating now lol.)

Originally before he disappeared, I suggested we go to the British Museum since I hadn't been yet. Thus, when he returned, I asked if he was still keen on the museum date. He agreed, so I grabbed our two free tickets.

The day came and boy, if you ever want to see if you have a connection with someone, take them to a museum or art gallery. Without the glitz and glam of the nighttime boozed-fuelled adventures we had previously, my suspicions of our lack of connection were confirmed.

Having walked through the British Museum and the National Gallery, My conversation with the British Software Engineer fell short. The natural flow was not there and I had to continually come up with something to talk about. He was nowhere near awkward, but I realized that he was quite boring. Or at least with me, he was.

I also found out halfway through our date that he didn't want to have children. I didn't bother mentioning that I wanted them, because I knew there was no fifth date.

We ended the date by chit-chatting in the park. To be honest, the conversation did not need to be prolonged as it did. However, since this was the fourth date, I felt giving more time to it was needed.

In the end, before we parted ways, he told me to let him know about any other museums and art galleries I plan to visit. At the time, I still had several museums to check out as a new Londoner. I agreed, knowing fully well that I wouldn't, and gave him one last hug before I went to catch my train.

We never exchanged texts after that day.

However, he will always be the best first three dates I had here in London (or ever really) and I will always appreciate him for that. I know he probably would never know, but he definitely left an impact on my first month here in London.

[serialfirstdater]

London #9: The Hotel Interior Designer

At the last Thursday Dating event where I met the Lebanese Solicitor, I obviously met other people. That included two guys, one of them was interested in my friend whom I was with. I ended up chatting with his friend who was standing beside him. The friend was a hotel interior designer who grew up all over the place but primarily lived in Shanghai before coming to London. We hit it off and I thought we got along well as friends, primarily cause he seemed a lot younger than me and I thought he clocked that I was older.

I told him about the Asian meetup groups I was a part of and he said he was down to check them with me. We exchanged Instagrams and I thought this could be the start of a cool, casual friendship.

We chitchatted on and off throughout the next couple of weeks. He originally wanted to go find some Vietnamese restaurants to try out but I went to one already so we agreed to try another Asian restaurant in Chinatown. After all, it was a chill friend hang so I wasn't thinking too deeply about it.

We met by a tube station and walked over to Chinatown. He suggested we either try Korean or Japanese. I looked at the menu and saw that the Korean restaurant was slightly out of the price range I was willing to spend. So I settled for Bone Daddies, a popular Japanese ramen chain in London.

I asked the Hotel Interior Designer about his dating experiences in London.

"So have you gone on any dates from Thursday events so far?" I asked, scooping into my ramen bowl.

"...Isn't this a date?" He asked in surprise.

Cue my surprise Pikachu face. To be honest, I thought this could've been a date earlier but then he said his friend was gonna join. Which made me assume that this was a friend hang instead. I only found out that when we met up, he meant he was with his friend earlier in the day, and in the end, it was just the two of us.

"This can be a friend hang if you want!" He said, gesturing that he was fine if this wasn't a date.

"Do you want it to be a date?" I asked incredulously.

"Either way works for me!"

"I rather you tell me what you prefer," I pressed. I personally wanted it to be a date cause, hey, I wanted to hit my weekly date quota. But I wasn't going to tell him that.

He finalized it as a date and we continued on. About 10 minutes later or so, we came across the topic of age.

"You're 25 right?" He asked. I made a face, and he realized his mistake.

"26?" I shook my head.

"27?" Nu-uh.

"28?" I thumbed up to tell him to keep going.

"30??" Still didn't land.

"31???" Yep.

He was shook and it didn't take me long to guess he was 25, like I suspected originally. Though I did hope for a second once I knew this was a date, he was around 27 years old, but nope. The Hotel Interior Designer successfully became the youngest guy I have ever gone on a date with thus far.

He paid for my ramen and we headed to a cool Asian-inspired bar called Lucy Wong. I pondered over the cocktail options they had before I selected one that sounded interesting. Though they all did because I love anything Asian-related. Once the drinks were ordered, we continued to get to know each other.

I mentioned how I normally dated older. He said he didn't mind dating an older woman as long as she was okay with it. He saw my hesitation and said, "That's not you though, huh?"

I shook my head and smiled feebly. I just knew that younger men were not where I wanted them to be financially in life for me to be comfortable dating them. Not unless somehow they came from money, but even then, the age difference shows. Even throughout this date, I could see his age through his actions, making him less experienced in the world and less attractive to me as a romantic partner overall.

I asked him about his goals in life and he said he was eager to start his own interior design company. His plan was to start while he was young, where he could afford to make all the mistakes now. Then he could be financially stable with his business in his 30s. I thought that was admirable. But also I wanted him to be in that position now and be 10 years older. I do not want to suffer when the guy is still at his "building" stage. I want my man to be fully built, in his career, relationships, experience, and finances.

After drinks, we headed to the tube station. We agreed that we were better off as friends. I thought he was still cool regardless and would see if there was a future opportunity for us to hang out again.

So that concludes how I ended up on a date without realizing I was going to one.

[serialfirstdater]

London #8: The Lebanese Solicitor

The very last Thursday Dating event (also the third one) I went to, I had a couple of dates that resulted from it. The first of which was the Lebanese Solicitor.

He approached me when I was my friend at the event. He was tall, looming at approximately 6'4 over my 5'9 stature.

We chitchatted to get the basics out of the way. I learned he has been living in London for 5 years and is from Lebanon. He is about to become a solicitor, with a couple of years left before it officially happens. He asked what kind of man I was looking for, so I gave him my generic answers including family-oriented, hard-working, and responsible.

He asked for my contact so we could set up our date. I am in my dating era where I am open to different ethnicities as long as they are attractive enough and have a well-paying job. So he fits the bill.

The Date

He asked me to meet him at Heath Hampstead. Having never been to that part of town, I agreed.

We went to a cute pub that played live music. It was a bit loud, but we exchanged a decent conversation after he got me a drink. I asked him if he wanted to get any food but he said he wasn't hungry. I was not too keen because I prefer guys who would immediately say if I wanted something, we should get some food. I left it at that.

While talking, he learned I was a lot older than he expected and he was younger than I anticipated. Because of his height and job, I originally thought he was between 34 and 35 years old. It turns out he was 29 years old.

He thought I was younger cause I mentioned I was looking for entry-level jobs, so he was under the impression I was in my mid-20s. So he was definitely shocked to find out I am 31 instead.

We shared details about how we came to London and tidbits about ourselves. I was comfortable, in a platonic way, talking to him about dating and my experience with dating. (Remember, if I freely talk to guys I am on a date with about my dating life, it's normally because unconsciously or consciously, I am not that interested in them).

We eventually left the pub and went for a walk. He told me there is a great spot on a hill in Heath Hampstead for a view of the city. We walked on over and continued our conversation. At this point, I knew that I could take it or leave it for a second date. He was pleasant enough for me to consider another date, but he wasn't greatly sparking my interest. I did not get the vibe that we would go beyond a second date if it were to happen.

We sat on a bench and probably conversed for another 40 minutes. That was when I learned that he is Muslim and hopes to raise his children Muslim. In my mind, I knew that was a dealbreaker and brought up how I prefer to raise my children with no religion and let them decide for themselves when they are older.

Our conversation on the bench revolved around dating in different cultures. He asked me if I was chatting with other people. I admitted yes, I was. I mean, there was no point in lying because, at the end of the day, I assumed everyone I was on a date with was chatting with other people as well.

We started to head back to the station. I thought he would perhaps ask to go for further drinks elsewhere but he didn't. I asked him if he was hungry and he said he wasn't.

I was guessing he wasn't that interested from the lack of initiative to continue the date. Plus, I am not keen when the guy doesn't show me that he is generous.

When we got close to the tube station, he said if I was ever interested in taking fitness lessons like boxing in London, to let him know. He said he was open to hanging out again and gave me a high five before I entered the station.

The high five to me signaled that he was not that interested. I didn't bother to send him a message because I wanted to see if he was going to message first.

He never did, so I left it as that, and was perfectly fine to never see him again. He was the first guy out of everyone thus far who didn't seem as keen on pursuing me. I was indifferent but was glad to have checked out Heath Hampstead for this date.

[serialfirstdater]

London #7: The Risk Manager

Remember how in previous entries I mentioned that the first-ever Thursday Dating event I attended in London gave me results? As in either I am befriending people or going on dates?

This entry is no exception.

Flashing back to when I was at the event at the rooftop bar, I was attached to the new introverted friend I adopted under my extroverted wing. She and I were bombarded by men in non-stop conversations.

About an hour and a half later, sometime after the chat I was locked into with the Older Australian Product Manager, a group of people came up to us.

"I found the Asians!" A tall, slim clearly half-Asian, half-white guy came rushing over. He was with a younger female friend, who happened to be on a dare where she couldn't speak for an hour and the Swedish Yogi. The half-Asian guy was a chatter and very extroverted.

I quickly learned the guy was half English, and half Chinese but was Asian to the core. I thought he was cute, and was honestly the only person I was keen on going out on a date with that night. However, when I gave him my number, he mentioned how we should all hang out as a group. That was when I thought he was not interested in me and perhaps only wanted to be friends.

I didn't hear from him in the next couple of days and thought that was the end of that.

The following week, I swiped on the Thursday app and came across a cute half-Asian, half-white guy who liked my profile. I wasn't sure if it was the guy I met at the Thursday event because I recalled his name to be different than what was on his profile.

We matched and started chatting until we realized that we indeed met at the event! Turns out he goes by his first and middle name, depending on which name he introduces himself to you as.

I had my date with the Older Australian Product Manager that day so I quickly gave him my number to WhatsApp me since I knew I was going to be busy before our chat closed.

We chatted on and off throughout that week. That upcoming Thursday (two weeks since we first met), I was going to another Thursday event with the friend I made at the first event. She suggested I invite the guy along and mentioned it would be cute if we dated. I told her I would love to, but I wasn't sure if he was going to ask me out or wanted to be friends.

I told him which venue we'd be at and he could join us if he wanted to. He told me he had dinner plans but was down to come out for a bit.

On the day, my friend and I had some food at Spitalfields Market before we walked to the event. When we got there, a man with an eye patch approached us and I didn't recognize him for a second. Turns out, he got punched pretty badly in the eye by a random stranger.

He was with us initially and encouraged us to meet new men. I told him he was blocking men from talking to us and he laughed, saying he would make conversation with other people then.

My friend and I mingled for a bit and after he came back, he hugged us before leaving to dinner saying he might come back. The rest of the night my friend and I tried to navigate the dating event.

He and I continued to chit-chat throughout the week and he had to go to Wales (or Scotland?) for a marathon but said we should catch up upon his return. To be honest, all the way to this point, this man was not even considered to be on my roster. We chatted sparingly so I kept forgetting about him until he messaged me.

Roughly a month later after we first met on that fated Thursday event, we finally had our first date.

The Date

I had brunch with a new friend in the afternoon. I wasn't sure if I was still going to have my date because there was no confirmation the day prior.

I was ready to enjoy the rest of my day solo after brunch when I got a message on WhatsApp while eating.

"Hey, I'm sorry for the late reply. Work has been busy. Are we still good for 3 PM?"

I wrote back that it was fine since I was in the area where we agreed to meet originally. I told my friend that the date was back on after all.

My friend left to go home for work and I waited around Covent Garden. After a couple of WhatsApp message exchanges about where I was located, I saw a tall lanky familiar figure approach me.

We made our way to a bar that he was excited to take me to. That was when I learned he was in risk management and worked for his father's company. Although we had met twice prior, the topic of work never came up until then.

He first led me to a Canadian bar, saying that it was his favourite place. I looked around and gave him the, "Are you kidding me?" face. He laughed and admitted he had never been here but thought I would feel at home. We left when he saw I was not enthused to stay.

He tried a couple of other places but failed, so I suggested a rooftop bar that overlooked Covent Garden which I visited just prior with my friend. He bought me a couple of drinks, chatting away about whatever crossed our minds. He took a time-lapse video of the street below and showed an older gentleman beside him how to do it.

We moved to another bar that was attached to a cinema, where he had a membership. He told me he used to go there all the time to work when he was doing his Master's nearby. When we got to the open rooftop, I casually asked what the building across from us was.

"That's St. Paul's Cathedral."

I didn't really react and said oh. I realized that he was yanking my chain because he burst out laughing when he saw that I fell for his fib. For the next hour, he made fun of me for thinking the building was St. Paul's Cathedral.

It was a bit tiring to get ripped on the same topic for the next while, but it wasn't so much of a bother when you like someone. He poked fun at me with his words as he sat beside me. The chemistry was building up between us along with the banter.

He said something, I forgot what before he went in to kiss me because we were facing each other. It was natural, flirty, and something I greatly enjoyed. This rarely happens in my dating experience, so I much appreciated it.

The flirtation and lip-locking continued for the next couple of hours. Transitioning away from the rooftop members' bar, we walked to Trafalgar Square. The banter continued and his British side came out, with the alcohol courage that had him interacting with random passersby. I was a little embarrassed and would tug him away but he paid no heed.

After he grabbed another drink at a different bar, he led me to the tube station with my hand in his and I asked him where we were going. He said his friend wanted to see a concert and I was welcome to join them.

Considering I was already following him, I was down for another adventure. He took me to Camden and I met his friend. She mentioned how they've been friends for years and that he's a great guy. She also shared how she was moving out of London to date someone who she's been with for the last six months. She was utterly adorable and someone I would love to be friends with personally.

When the concert was about to start, we headed to the venue. The Risk Manager bought my ticket and this was when I discovered the Brazilian Samba Rap genre. It was an absolute blast and I was thrilled to have allowed myself to go with the experience. This is exactly why I love living in London.

One thing led to another and I ended up at the Risk Manager's place.

I will admit, that the Risk Manager is someone I'm still trying to get over, despite this date being almost a month ago. He and his ex are still trying to figure things out so I bowed out from going on any further dates until that's been resolved.

Will this story arc continue? Who knows. The romantic in me hopes so, but the realist in me is tempering out all expectations in case it never happens. I'm trying to rebuild my roster in the meantime.

The Lesson

My best friend always told me she needed that chemistry from the get-go, otherwise she felt that it would not work out with the guy.

I have always been on the belief that it is not necessary. Primarily because guys I have normally been insanely attracted to, never in my experience liked me the same way back. So over the years, I have learned to accept that as long as I don't find the guy horrendous in appearance and I could see potential in him, I'd give him another date.

My date with the Risk Manager showed me I could have everything I wanted, along with all the shallow great-to-haves.

Physical attraction

Sexual chemistry

Banter

I am comfortable being authentically me on the date

He's very generous

Taller than me (Risk Manager is 6'2)

Very good job

Owns his own place

To top it all off, he's quite Asian despite being half

And most importantly, THE MAN RECIPROCATED INTEREST.

Thinking back at my dating history, or if anyone here is bored enough to re-read older entries, I had this with NO ONE ELSE. Perhaps a close friend who knows my dating history, including guys I did not write about, can let me know if I am incorrect.

This is a little depressing because out of 31 years of my life, I have not had the above packaged into one guy. Even though I'm not crying over him, my brain is having a hard time detaching from the idea of him. Especially since I knew he was interested in continuing to take me out but I did not want to get caught up in the mess if he ultimately decides to return to his ex.

Knowing that I could have all I wanted and it being reciprocated now makes it harder for me on the dating scene. I will continue to keep an open mind but now I am doubling down that I cannot settle for anything less than what I want.

My dating life now is a little too boring being this healed lol.

[serialfirstdater]

London #6: The Essex Military Man

I came across a profile of a mustached man on my Hinge who liked me. I debated on him because he wasn't my type but he flexed in one photo and I thought he could toss me around. So I gave him a swipe.

We started chatting and I found out that he was in the military. My interest in him immediately decreased. I mean, he did look like he was in the military. Except the military was one of the occupations I wasn't interested in for a potential partner. Not because they are away all the time, that never concerned me. Instead, salary in the military has never been the greatest. Anyone who knows me well knows how much I scrutinize a man's earnings when I look at a long-term relationship.

Despite my hesitation, I couldn't bear to unmatch him because he was putting in effort to talk to me. He came off a bit eager via text. When I was sick with food poisoning, as you might remember in my previous entry, he sent me couple stickers on WhatsApp and told me he wished he was there to take care of me because I seemed like a sweet girl.

I thought that was a lot, especially from someone I haven't met yet. We had only been talking for a few days at this point. I was a little wary, worried he might be overinvested and perhaps would be weird in real life. (Remember the London Nurse?)

We kept talking until he finally asked me out for our first date. When we met, he came with a full beard and dressed casually with a white band tee. It wasn't how I like my men to dress on the first date but, this was supposed to be chill. He actually came off a lot more normal than I expected.

He took me to Greenwich, a cute neighbourhood town with some English charm. We first walked around Greenwich Market and he asked what I wanted to eat. As cute as it was and I love a good food market, eating and getting to know each other would be difficult standing in a crowded place. I suggested we just stick to a restaurant to make our lives easier.

We headed to Bill's, a nice all-day chain perfect for affordable brunch and family dining. I ordered a delicious and massive brunch dish, excited to get some food in my belly.

As he spoke in his thick Essex accent excitedly about his time in the military, I started to feel a little sleepy during our conversation. You see, this man gave off the biggest teddy bear/Santa Claus/dad vibes. Rather than being physically attracted to him, all I wanted to do was lie on top of him, let him stroke my hair, and talk so I could fall asleep. Like a child lying in her father's arms. I never had a man that evoked such a non-sexual specific want ever until this very moment.

If this wasn't a flag, I don't know what was (in the most innocent way possible of course). I envisioned him being a great, fun father to a couple of kids. I could vividly imagine him making burgers at a backyard barbeque with his other married friends, and children running around during the summer. However, I didn't see him as the father of my children.

We left the restaurant and explored Greenwich. I took in the sites and had him snap some tourist photos of me. We decided to take the underground path from Greenwich to the other side of the river. We debated where to go and he told me he wanted to show me a rooftop garden in Canary Wharf, an area that resembles Toronto's Harbourfront because of their sterile condos on the water.

At the rooftop garden, he told me he had a fantastic date with a girl that he also took up there. Only to find out after a few hours on the date, that she confessed she had a boyfriend. I would never understand people who do that. I never had to worry about a man ever randomly telling me he had a girlfriend on the date (though one Italian guy I'm sure cheated on his girlfriend with me years ago).

The date continued with us sitting outside in front of a jumbo screen in an open grassed area. The jumbo screen was airing the Paris Olympics and the tennis match was on. The Essex Military Man and I continued to converse and had a good conversation, including topics such as dating. I told him about my experiences and how I viewed dating candidly. Perhaps it was one of the signs that I was not as interested in him because I was very truthful about my dating intentions. When I like the guy (and I do not know where he stands with his dating intentions), I hold back that information. Because I feel if I am too honest, the romantic vibes would be off.

The date lasted for 9.5 hours. Normally, this was a great sign, right? However, I just got along with the Essex Military Man very well. I debated if I had any romantic interest in him the entire day. We agreed to hang out another time and he continued to text me.

I dreaded his messages in the upcoming days, filled with what he did that day and little tidbits about himself. I kept telling my friends I would give him a second date but would reject him later.

My friends told me that I might as well end things now since I had no excitement towards him. Despite him being super sweet, and I felt very secure around him, he did not bring any romantic or sexual attraction out of me. And our date was just long enough for me to know.

About a week after our date and our second date not yet finalized, I finally pulled the plug. I told him I enjoyed our time together but did not feel the romantic spark. I told him he was sweet and wished him all the best.

I expected him to respond, thanking me for letting him know and wishing me the best of luck as well. Instead, my text was met with silence and I never heard from him again.

I felt a little bad but I was glad to have done it before he wasted his time and money on a second date that was going nowhere.

[serialfirstdater]

London #5: The Posh Hong Konger

On Hinge, I came across an Asian guy who just exuded *wealth*. The photos alone indicated he came from money. From being at F1 to playing tennis in all white, I knew I had to give him a match.

We didn't chat much before he scheduled a date because he went away for the weekend. That worked better for me anyway because I prefer to meet in person instead of chatting online for too long. He told me there was a dress code because he wanted to take me to the East India Club. I likely would never go on a date more posh than this in London.

The Date

On the day of the date, I went through my limited wardrobe. I left a couple of luggage at my friend's place so I didn't have everything with me, but they were all fall and winter clothing anyway. That did not stop me from getting frustrated that I still felt like I did not have enough clothes.

Since the East India Club had a strict clothing policy, I only had a couple of tops I could choose from. I went for my classic short v-neck deep blue long sleeve that I bought from Japan years ago when I was still living in Australia and one of my Aritzia's Effortless Pants. It was more than appropriate as the outfit could easily double as workwear.

The train ride to central London from my houseshare was over half an hour away. On the ride there, I wondered what my date would be like.

I was messaging a friend as I got off the tube. She asked me how tall he was and I said 5'7. But when I double-checked his profile; it stated that he is 5'11. I might have mixed him up with someone else, though no one on my roster at that moment was 5'7. Perhaps he was just giving off short king energy.

I turned the corner from the station and saw the East India Club in all its glory. White, grand, and polished, this exclusive club looked exactly what I would imagine from years of absorbing television and movies about the upper class.

The Posh Hong Konger told me to message him once I arrived and I did. I saw him immediately walking straight to me from the other side. He passed by a friend who was on his phone, leaning against the fence of the building before greeting me.

I extended for a hug before we headed inside. He was 5'11, wore a well-fitted blazer and suit look, and conducted himself upright. He was not a looker and was starting to bald, however, his presence made up for the lack of good genes.

He asked if I wanted to tour the club and I enthusiastically said yes. I felt like I was in Hogwarts, seeing all the crests and emblems adorned the wall. The classic brown interior and wooden finishes transported me back to another era. It was like being in a movie and parts of the club were previously shot for TV. I felt like I was on Gossip Girl, but the British posh version in an all-boys academy or even a fancy fraternity.

The Posh Hong Konger made a dinner reservation in the club, so we sat at a white-clothed table. I scanned the cursive menu, uncertain of what to eat. We exchanged conversation before I selected their lamb dish.

If I had to describe the Posh Hong Konger, he was essentially a crazy rich white privileged boy with the face of a Chinese guy. He was younger than me since I normally did not date 28-year-old guys. But, he was rich and I wanted a taste of his life.

The conversation felt more like a sociology experience for me. Listening to him talk about how he grew up and his various hobbies were fascinating. A glimpse of how the top 1% of the world lives will never cease to amaze me.

As many of my close friends know, I previously worked as a butler at a high-end hotel and casino in Australia. During my time there, along with dating my Crazy Rich Singaporean ex-boyfriend, my desire for the finer things in life was confirmed as I always suspected from a very young age. Of course, realistically I might never achieve this level of wealth. However, being part of it for fleeting moments was enough to satiate parts of my desire throughout my lifetime.

We moved the conversation to another part of the club after dinner. We sat in one of their cigar lounges to converse over cocktails.

At one point, I asked him, "You mentioned earlier that you have older hobbies or feel older than your age." This referred to how he did not enjoy rowdy nightouts or music festivals, which was common amongst Londoners our age. "What would you say your youthful hobbies are?"

I asked this question cause I was curious about what the man enjoyed. And his youth hobby? Fencing.

Then and there, I learned three types of fencing techniques/fights exist. He felt that this was a youthful hobby because of course, he was rich and this was what rich people do if they were young.

We had another conversation about what would happen if our hypothetical children (separately, not together) rebelled.

"Easy," he replied. "I'll cut off their inheritance."

I nodded, 'cause why should I expect anything less from a man who grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth. This was the first time I heard someone speak about their future children's inheritance. Again, the life of the wealthy continued to enthrall me.

Our date eventually came to an end after four or so hours. He walked me back to my tube station. I told him honestly during our walk that I was not afraid to reject people if I had to. However, I realize (with following dates with other men) that if I have this level of honesty with a guy on the first date, it usually means I do not like them. I might like them as a person, but not as a romantic partner. Cause a part of me will hold back on that information just a bit.

Just when I was about to enter the station, he asked, "Shall we kiss?"

It was abrupt as we were not physically close or have tried to close the physical gap in the last few hours. I was taken aback by the ask and went, "Maybe next time!"

There was no tension being built up this entire time. It was difficult for me just to kiss someone out of the blue like that. I've done it in the past and it felt very blase and forced.

We parted ways, in agreement to see each other next time. I messaged him on Hinge later that evening to thank him for the lovely date. He responded the following day, asking if we should chat on WhatsApp. I agreed.

That very morning, I ate a Tesco wrap that had gone bad without realizing it because I had food poisoning shortly after. I messaged my roster, letting the men know I was completely out of it and sick.

The Posh Hong Konger sent his well wishes and asked if I got sick from the dinner. I told him no and explained what had happened. He never responded after.

I guess eating a Tesco wrap with a best-before date the day prior was too poor for him. At least I had dinner at a fancy all-members club. So, a win is a win.

[serialfirstdater]

London #4: The Catfish Banker

While swiping on Hinge, I came across a man who looked Scandinavian because of his super-blonde hair. My one friend dubbed him as Ken, as in Barbie and Ken. He was not my usual type but I went ahead and matched him because he looked sorta cute.

We started chatting but he didn't ask me out right away. I wasn't fond of his text speak because it was a mix of slight flirting (like using the kissy emoji) and condescending. For example, I told him that my budget was 800 pounds per month for sublet/rent here in London because, during our conversation, I was still looking for a new place to live.

"Are you planning to do favours for the landlord?" he asked when he heard my budget.

I was taken aback by the rude comment. I explained to him that I wasn't looking to be in Zone 1 and was open to sharing a place with people, so obviously my rent would be more affordable. He understood and didn't make any further comment.

We set up a date and continued chatting. That was until I saw he somehow came across one of my latest TikTok videos and favourited it. I made a fun little TikTok pointing out that when you are dating British men, they will talk about the footy, especially during big football events.

That was when my match sent me a text saying, "I should've scheduled a date with you earlier!" referring to how I was going on dates in my TikTok video.

"How did you come across my TikTok??" I asked exasperatedly.

"Your TikTok found me!" He exclaimed. That's when I realized I had to turn off TikTok from recommending my account to people who had my phone number. I didn't want any more dates to come across my social media accounts without me explicitly giving them out.

The day of the date came and he told me to meet him at Dirty Martini, a cute cocktail bar chain in Covent Garden. I got to the area a little early, so I walked around first before heading to Dirty Martini. As I was walking up, I saw a man in a suit. My brain immediately went, "Who is this old guy? This is not him, is it?"

Turns out, it was. You see, he used much older photos of himself on Hinge. The photos were most likely of him in his 20s, when he was still young, vibrant, and slimmer. The man in front of me could easily pass for a greying 40-year-old and in one of my friend's words after I showed her a photo, "Looks like a next-door-neighbour dad." Especially now he had a bit of a belly under his suit.

He was much more polite in person, different from how he was via text. I learned that he worked in banking and specifically, Canadian banks, which I thought was interesting. The conversation was quite normal and there were no red flags, minus the most obvious one here.

He asked if I wanted a second drink and I politely declined. We continued chatting for a bit until he asked if I wanted to head elsewhere. That was when I said I needed to head home and pack for my move (since I found a place). He got the hint so we left the bar and we parted ways.

To have two catfish experiences within two weeks in London was a record for me.

[serialfirstdater]

London #3: The Older Australian Product Manager

That first Thursday Dating event pulled a lot of dating and non-dating entries for me. This one was no exception.

I didn't mention this before but the 30+ event was held at a rooftop bar at the NYX Hotel in Holborn. Once I befriended a fellow Asian woman, we prepped ourselves to be bombarded with men left, right, and center.

The Australian Product Manager was one of the many men who approached me and locked me into a conversation. He was older, I was guessing at least in his 40s though a small part of me hoped he was in his late 30s. I later asked my new friend what she thought and she said he was definitely in his 40s, being a 41-year-old woman herself.

He kept talking at me for a good half hour and wouldn't let off. He continuously cracked jokes and teased me, saying things like, "You must be a rebel!" and probably caused trouble wherever I went. It really felt like an older man trying to connect with someone younger, in an attempt to flirt. It wasn't my vibe because his joking behaviour did not resonate with me.

However, I ended up giving him my number anyway when he asked. Since I was new to the London dating scene, I wanted to be as open-minded as possible. Plus, I wanted to see how an older man would try to impress someone much younger. Why else should I go out with someone much older than me?

He sent me a text a couple of days after the event. Whenever he wanted to pick the conversation up after it shortly died, he would say, "I have a feeling you're causing trouble somewhere." And he wrote this twice within two to three days. It was a bit cringe.

He finally asked to meet. He told me to meet him outside Bank Station on a Thursday after work hours. I agreed, even though I wasn't all too excited. However, once I commit, I will follow through.

That day, I had four different sublet viewings all across London to find a new place to live. Since I did not want to overstay my welcome at my new friend's place who graciously allowed me to crash when I had to escape my horrible AirBnB.

By the time I headed to the date, I had taken the wrong train at one point because I was running all over and was slightly frazzled. I had to ask an English businessman how to get to Bank Station from where we were on the Tube. He was quite helpful and gave a chuckle as I tried to understand the many train lines and how they intersected.

When I got to Bank Station, I went above ground and stood around by the intersection. I told the Australian Product Manager that my phone was about to die before I headed to central London. So he told me he would try to find me above ground once I arrived.

My eyes scoured the streets, with pedestrians and bikers weaving all over. This was where all the major banks resided, hence the station's name. Each building was massive, looming over with its marble and white-grey presence. Yet, the street was set up quite prettily because of the historical flair.

After about five minutes, the Australian Product Manager spotted me. He was sitting beneath a giant statue of an important British figure, that I am not bothered to research for this entry. He jumped up from his spot and strolled over to me from across the street.

We exchanged our hellos and he pointed in the direction where we should be walking. We started our small talk as I followed him.

He took me to the riverside with about two or three big bars next to each other. But, there was also a huge after-work crowd because Thursday is the new Friday in London. Everyone was drinking by the river and in suits, unwinding after a long day at work. I know it's common to have first dates at pubs in London, but 1) he was Aussie and 2) did he not want to impress me?

He asked me what drink I wanted, and I told him to surprise me since I love cocktails. I went to the washroom and when I returned, he handed me an Aperol Spritz. I was disappointed he gave me something so basic. I usually like to try new drinks so I wanted to see if he could impress me with some of his knowledge (or at least ask the bartender what was good).

We found an empty spot on the ledge by the river, still surrounded by people but away from the main after-work crowd. He kept trying to steer the conversation in the direction of flirtation with his Aussie banter, however, I kept it professional. I decided to network-zoned him as I couldn't see myself being someone that much older.

Based on our conversation and my rough calculation, he was well into his late 40s, maybe even early 50s. It felt like he could be my Vice President or senior manager at work. Age-gap dating is fine, but it is not my cup of tea.

I thought he understood where he stood in my eyes because I kept the conversation revolving around work and my skill set. I wanted to see if he could provide valuable insights as someone older. He gave me some tips but they were generic as generic can be.

When he asked if I wanted to go somewhere else, I told him I was good staying there. Which was to signal I was not interested.

We spent about 2.5-3 hours chatting (while I put on my best PR professional side the entire time) before parting ways. I thought that was the end of that. But he tried messaging me a couple of days later. I gave him a slow response and thumbs up his message, to indicate I was no longer interested in trying to talk to him if he wasn't gonna at least offer me a potential job contact.