#(which i swore i'd never write and yet here were the fuck are)

[xxanaduwrites]

DOWNFALL | a.b.

main hub of all important thangs

chapter 3

and you're the only thing that's going on in my mind taking over my life a second time - ugh!, the 1975

——

Now, no I wasn't a runner, nor a track star — but damn did I sprint out of that place like a whole gazelle. I guessed I could check off another —'never in my life did I ever thought'— moment.

The fact that I had to retreat from the only location in Los Angeles I considered a retreat besides my job of employment didn't sit well at all. Well, at least I stood by my moto to never ever run for a man. Instead, I ran away from said man. So, it didn't break any of my morals.

Funny enough, Marlon — God bless his soul — barely batted an eye when I came barreling into the shop looking like a sticky tomato, drenched in sweat from all the running. He just looked up at me, nodded, and then went back to his work like nothing happened. That man knew me like the way I knew every word from the script of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. My best talent. So, this was simply normal for him. God, I hoped I didn't have any pit stains on my light button up. My outfit was too cute to be ruined today.

After breathlessly drawing out a hello, I ran into the back bathroom to check myself and fix myself up before I set foot on the floor and got busy with the shelves. My hair looked even messier than before — sticking up like Albert Einstein. I quickly went to work, brushing through it with my fingers to tame before twisting it back up in a clip.

Eh. Whatever. At least it looked a little better.

Once I exited the bathroom and dropped off my tote for safekeeping — I walked out the back and brought up the cart of books I was entering into the system to be shelved for purchase. We got a few loads of new shit yesterday, so I had to look through it all. I heard Marlon handling a customer so I didn't bother walking up to the front to bull shit with him. Had to make myself look busy when people were around and all.

Finest professionalism.

But, boy did I love this place. Besides Sunshine Spot — which always held the top spot on my list of favorite locations — this came to a close second. Most people out there probably thought I was crazy for saying such a thing. Like why not the beach? Or the fucking Hollywood walk of fame or whatever? Nope. Not at all. Sorry — I mean they were talking to a coffee-aholic rightfully mixed with a book-aholic. If coffee and books fucked and decided to have babies, there would be millions of little mes running around.

Introducing everybody's worst nightmare. Wow. Scary. Or the most boring person alive — as some people liked to put it. But whatever, I enjoyed it. How me and Sydney were friends when she was far from boring? I didn't know. I guessed opposites attract or whatever they liked to say.

"Rianne!" Marlon suddenly hollered between the shelves, completely taking me out of my train of thought.

I almost ate shit and dropped the book in my hands that I'd been holding for the past few minutes, aimlessly staring off into space at the shelf I was working on. "Over here!" I called out once I got my shit together. Ever since the diner, Ken-Apollo was truly taking up every inch of my brain. I was already regretting not getting a second cup of coffee to go.

"Rianne?" He called again, this time with a hint of a question. Sometimes I forgot the poor man was deaf. I hollered again, but that didn't seem to help. A few seconds later and some shuffling he finally came around a curve and found me. "Oh? There you are." He observed what I was doing — looking surprised yet pleased at my work. "I hope these books are worth the shot," he said with an eye roll. "I swear, I don't understand your generation. Books used to be so good back then. Now they just write cheesy Hallmark shit. Don't tell Mar I said that though. She'll kick my ass."

"I promise," I swore, sticking out my pinky and wiggling it around — but he didn't pay mind to my antics.

Instead —to prove his point —he picked up one of the books on the cart and examined it. "Like look at this." He said, while maneuvering his spectacles to observe the cover. "Raunchy? — wait sorry, I can't see." He moved the book back at an angle. "Red Velvet Roadhouse Romance. That's a mouth full."

Now, that was fucking hilarious.

It took every ounce of my will power not to burst out in laughter and throw myself on the floor in tears. "Blame that on my old dickhead bosses."

"Oh, I will," he chuckled, tossing the book back on the cart. "So, what's been up with you lately since the last time I saw you?"

"Eh, you know the usual. Nothing crazy," I began, rummaging through the books again as I talked to him. "Besides this work party Sydney dragged me too."

"Oh!" His face lit up. "Good, good. I'm glad she took you out. You need to get out of the house — Live a little."

Yep, welp. Everyone was always concerned I spent too much time in the house, but who would want to leave their boyfriend of a bed behind?

Not me.

I didn't say anything so he continued on, probably noticing that it was a sensitive topic for me. "Anyways — to catch you up to speed, Dax is coming in once he gets out of school. So just give him some simple run of the mill task to do. Levi's on an early lunch so he will be back soon to run the register and all. I gotta take Marilyn to a hair appointment, so I'm leaving early. I'm trusting you to lock up. But, that's never a worry."

Don't get me wrong. I was beyond glad Marlon trusted me enough to lock up on my own, but to handle Dax was a whole other fucking worry. The kid was a little shit. Excuse my French, or don't. Wi-Wi. Whatever. He didn't know jack shit about books and didn't want to be here. He worked against his will to pay off some cash he had to pay back to his school for pulling some dumb prank that set a whole classroom on fire. Why did we trust him here — I couldn't tell ya? Books and fire would be some Fahrenheit 451 crap.

What? Leave me alone. That was a book joke — for the love of Christ.

Now Levi was the polar opposite. Around my age, he worked the draw and all — making all our lives a whole lot easier. He did all the accounting crap and what-not. Bless him. Hella funny too. Always telling me to come to the club with him so we could pick up some boys and have a good time. I constantly declined his offers. But, I couldn't wait for him to come in so I could spill the beans about last night.

"You got it, my dude," I nodded, suddenly feeling a teeny bit better knowing Levi would be here soon so I wouldn't have to deal with Dax all on my own.

That would of been torturous.

"Hello! Hello!" Speak of the damn devil. His voice boomed throughout the store. "God damn. Did everyone have a stroke and die? It's so quiet here?"

Funny as fuck. Am I right?

Oh fuck — Marlon didn't look so happy with that one. Sensitive topic I suppose. The whole stroke part. I mean Marlon wasn't getting any younger. Not that he had a stroke before and Levi's words hit a soft spot or anything like that.

I should just shut the fuck up.

He huffed and rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Well it is a book store, kid." He spoke to Levi who was still nowhere in sight — but held an evident presence to us.

"But, it ain't a library," He pointed out.

Leaning closer Marlon whispered so only I could hear. "Remind me why I hired him?"

"Because he kicks ass when it comes to money-money-money and plugs hella numbers into calculators like a whole wizard." I ended my statement with a big ol' toothy grin for good measure.

Before Marlon could mumble so much of a word, Levi made his grand entrance to the runway as he turned the corner to the stacks we stood between.

In the words of Rupaul from Drag Race — which was the only prime time reality show and current entertainment I allowed myself to indulge in, besides 90 day fiance — because that show was awfully addicting — you better work, bitch.

With a gleaming smile on his face, he strutted like a whole model as he approached us with one of those tray things holding what looked to be three glorious cups of coffee— that he got for us without even checking in first. Which was understandable considering how much time we all spent together. I could have kissed the floor he walked on. "Got you your fav, big man!" Levi moved the tray in his hands awkwardly, attempting to balance it with one hand as he maneuvered one of the cups out of it.

Marlon's tense demeanor shifted once he saw Levi wiggling the cup in his hand like he knew exactly what he was doing. "Thanks." He sighed, taking it without a beat of hesitation. I mean, how could he not — it was fucking coffee for crying out loud!

"And for you, sweets." He pulled out another cup, my usual order — my baby.

I held out my hands like a mother being passed her child. "Come to mama." Levi let out a laugh before handing it to me. I immediately jabbed the straw in it like my life depended on it because it truly did and took a long swig — closing my eyes as I embraced the bitter yet sweet taste of my magical drink. "You're an angel. Thank you." I said once I finally caught my breath.

While I was practically devouring every ounce, Marlon went over some house keeping things with Levi and told him all the shit he told me only a few minutes before. "Alright," he affirmed. "That should be all. Be good —Rianne, you're in charge." And then he dipped out — like duces. Peace. without so much as another word.

"He's in-trusted me to manage his draw and not smuggle his money for years — but he won't let me be in charge?" He leaned a hand on his hip to emphasize his point and present a full display of sassitude — if you will. "Like what else does a gal gotta do around here?"

"I think he just enjoys messing with you as much as you enjoy messing with him," I vocalized. "He definitely trusts you — he'll just never admit it. Sorry, Jeans."

"You're right. Plus, you're like a fake family or whatever. So that gives you way more points over me. Welp, guess I'll go weep at my post. Are you coming?" He motioned towards the front desk. "Gotta tell you all about my side piece of the week!"

Tales of Levi were always such a treat. Man had stories up the wa-zoo — for the history books.

"Oh fuck, a new one?" I looked at him in surprise but not full surprise — like half surprise — because this truly wasn't surprising. It was nothing new. But I'd be a new story with a new face of a man I'd probably never see. A man I would not remember the name of as Levi would already be moved on by the time I semi-absorbed it — which led me to only remember them by the nicknames we'd come up for them that varied depending on said situation. It could be dependent on what initially happened and where it happened — giving them a location as their name of choice — or it could be a reference of what or who they looked like — like an animal or a celebrity. Or their personality.

Best game I could play.

He nodded — giving me a sheepish look that said this was gonna be a damn good one before sipping his coffee like he was sipping the hot gossip.

"Of course. How could I miss out on this? Stoked to add a new dude to the collection," I beamed. "Lemme just finish this up and I'll be right up."

"Perfect," he said, strutting off like the queen he was. "Don't take too long. I'll be waiting!"

No worries, your majesty.

The next few hours went just like that. The both of us worked, bullshitted for a few minutes, handled customers, and then bullshitted again — but then Dax came ruining all the fun. I had to watch him like a hawk as he worked. I felt like a complete stalker. But, I was rightfully terrified considering his track record. He almost knocked over a whole entire book shelf one day which would have resulted in a disastrous game of dominos throughout the whole store. How did he manage that? I had no clue. I guess he had the strength of a mule cause those shelves were hella heavy. I could never. But, I gave him a light task to do in the vicinity — right by the door behind the register that led to a staff's only room which gave me the perfect chance to catch up with Levi while keeping my eye on the kid.

"...and then he said 'that was awkward', and I was like 'how come?', and he was like 'well, I fucked the Uber driver!" Levi closed up the story he'd been telling me for the past half hour.

"No?!" I swore my eyes could have popped right out of my head. Good lord. "You're lying."

"Nope. I swear!" he said, holding his hand to his heart. "I can't make this shit up."

"Only you." I shook my head. "I can't believe this. So you're telling me mans looked like Brad fucking Pitt and fucked the Uber driver months ago who looked like Andrew Garfield. And said Uber driver was the man that drove you and the Brad Pitt lookalike home from the club?"

"Indeed," he confirmed while flipping through some paperwork on the front counter.

"And you two hooked up?" I asked, trying to wrap my head around this entire situation.

"Spot on."

"Lord Jesus." 

"Oh, and then the Uber driver came up to Brad Pitt's apartment with us and totally just clocked out of work for the night like it was nothing," he said, clicking the calculator and writing something down in a flourish. "And then proceeded to just knock out on Brad's couch and make himself at home."

"Wait so when did—"  I began, but a voice interrupted me — a voice of a certain teen who probably was too young to listen in on our conversation.

"What?" He was looking at us like we were nuts.

"Nothing." Levi waved him off. Leaning towards me so only I could hear, he asked, "can I close the door or ?"

I mulled it over for a minute — wincing at the memory of the domino effect that almost transpired. "Bad idea." I hissed.

Levi sighed, dropping the pen in his hand. "No fun," he whined. "This is why you need to come to the club and lighten up a little."

I pushed my hair back in stress, my lips blowing out a raspberry in frustration. "Absolutely not — but," my face lit up as I remembered what I had told him, "you'll be happy to know I went to a party and saw a Ken-Apollo, and he talked to me, Jeans! He spoke actual words and he seemed nervous like he didn't know a soul, and I kept a conversation with him."

For a moment, he just stared at me blinking a few times like he couldn't believe a word I was saying. "That sounds unreal. You. Party. Boy. Yep, nope. None of that correlates, girl."

"I know," I beamed. "I swore I made that shit up, but then I saw him again at the diner and —oh he stole my cute drink umbrella at the party when I wasn't looking, and I made him laugh — I'm pretty sure. At least I hoped I did."

"Oh my fucking god!" He slapped his own cheeks with his hands. "He totally was flirting with you!"

"No. No." I shook my head, turning redder than a whole tomato-tomato. "Don't say that."

"Rianne! What? Why not? And wait a hot minute — you saw him again today?" He looked like he was about to jump over the table, climb up one of the moving ladders, and pull a whole tarzan — swinging across the entire store. Making this conversation known to everybody or at least the five patrons that were mulling around. "Did you talk to him? What did you say? What did he say? Oh my god, it's meant to be. I'm gonna start crying." He waved a hand in front of me while covering his eyes with another. "Don't look at me. I'm processing. Wait, don't even tell me. Let me be happy."

"Um." I bit my tongue, trying to hold back my words — but god my mouth always decided to go against me when I didn't wanna speak. "I ran out." I blurted.

Same thing went for when I did want to speak, but would just sit there in shitty silence — too nervous to say a single word. Looking like I was completely disinterested when I actually was super interested.

Nerves were a bitch.

"Rianne!" Levi reprimanded me.

Bad fucking idea Rianne. Why'd you have to open your pie hole of a mouth?

"Let me live, Levi."

"That's not living." He shook his head in disappointment. "Can I ask —" A random buzzing sound chimed in like a whole sacada. "I think your phone is blowing up."

"Huh?" I furrowed my brows in confusion, reaching for my phone. Saved by the bell I guess.

Thank fuck.

I loved Levi to death, but if I had to hear his speech about my little move in the diner and how I missed an opportunity for my own hunk-a-hunk of burning love — I was gonna wreak absolute havoc.

Fuck that.

Guess it was a F word kind of day — cause as soon as I looked at my screen I was already flipping my shit while simultaneously instantly regretting ever looking at my messages all at once. Firstly because Sydney was blowing up my phone. A plethora of messages and three missed calls. I typed in my password quite frantically scanning the messages. I swear if bitch ass Broccoli fucking Rabe hurt her in any way I was gonna cut off his balls and sell them on the black market for emotional damage and financial compensation.

Syd the science kid ri! pick up your phone. 3:30pm

i'm freaking the fuck out. 3:35pm

please pick up. 3:40pm

i know you love the books and all, but can you stop sucking face with the pages for just a minute and call me. 3:41pm

it's urgent. 3:41pm

may fucking day. 3:42pm

hello! 3:43pm

ri! 3:45pm

How did I not hear the buzzer going off on the table for the last twenty minutes? Must have been a combo of Levi and I's endless cackling and snorting that tuned it out, and also the fact that my phone was practically an ancient artifact. But, I could care less. Why would I want to get rid of it when I could throw it across the room and it wouldn't break?

Hit a wall?

Still perfect.

Hit someone in the head? – Preferably a certain Broccoli- Dwayne-the rock man?

Golden.

I mean the real life actor Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson would probably be perfectly fine. It would definitely bounce right off his head, and he wouldn't even realize it.

Solid man.

Solid noggin.

But, Brock. That was a whole other story. Would probably leave a mark, and I sure as hell would not care less if I did. That man deserved it if he messed with my girl Syd.

I didn't say a single word as I walked through the threshold into the back room. Levi followed, hanging back against the door frame to watch over the store and make sure no one was fucking around with our merchandise — surely noticing the panic that washed over me and the urgency that took over.

I momentarily forgot Dax was standing in the room with me until I looked up once my phone was nestled against my ear listening to its raging ring. I was too nervous to care though — biting my nails as I tapped my foot impatiently waiting for her to pick up. I just hoped it wasn't something seriously personal because knowing this kid — I wouldn't be surprised if he shared our personal information with his need to eavesdrop and all.

After a few rings she finally picked up. "Ri! Thank fuck!" She sounded absolutely relieved and breathless over the line.

"What's the matter?" I said matter of factly, cutting to the chase — cause I sure as shit needed her to tell me what the actual fuck was going on so I could accesss the situation and attempt to calm down.

"It's work! I'm losing my mind, and I need you to do me a favor," she said without a beat, but then went quiet for a second as if she was trying to think about the best way to explain whatever she was about to spew out to me. "I know you're at work, but you're my last hope. I don't know what else to do. No one else is around and no one from my job can handle it because they called us in for an emergency meeting, and —" She sounded like she was about to pop a bitching blood vessel talking a mile a minute and all.

"Woah! Syd. Hey — calm down." I tried my best to slow her down so I could fully absorb her words. "It's alright. We will figure this out."

Levi caught my eye with the utmost concern, looking like he was this close to moving mountains and parting the red sea if he had to.

I put my hand on the receiver for a moment to mouth 'work' to him to which he simply nodded, but still stood there like Inspector Clouseau.

She took a deep breath before she went off on her rant again, this time a little more coherent for me to hear and understand over my crappy phone speaker. "So much for working from home today. They all called us in for an emergency meeting. Apparently someone fucked up for this month's issue so now we have to review the whole thing. It's a total mess. And on top of that they want me to rewrite a piece that's due in an hour and I am not even finished, but they also want me to go pick up this dude for another meeting that was supposed to take place between one of our reps and said dude at a restaurant nearby. Of course the rep didn't show cause now we are all in code- red mode, so I know this sounds crazy, but I need you to drive him and then stop to pick up a list of coffee orders!" She squeaked into the line.

Absolutely not.

Me. Driving. Car. Random man in vehicle. Conversation with said random man, and picking up coffees.

No.

My anti-social ass could never.

"Syd- I." I looked up at the ceiling, letting out a long breath while pinching my nose, wishing at this moment that the universe could throw me a bone to get me out of this mess. One thing I knew for certain was that I could not – out of all circumstances – ask Levi to drive this man even if I wanted to because he was the only one who knew how to correctly manage the register. Not, that I didn't know how to man a register, but I wasn't the best with cash and I really did not wanna fuck up Marlon's draw – especially when he was so specific about that kind of thing. But, leaving him with Dax. Fuck me. Wait! "I don't have a car. I walked. There is no way I can drive him," I tried to draw a solution. Truly anything that could work to get me out of this in my favor. "Can't he just take a cab or something and your company could just pay the driver off?"

Levi suddenly piped in like a whole saint. "You could drive my car." I guess the word 'him' struck a nerve with him and piqued his interest. Not the time to be a wingman. For all I knew this man was some corporate asshole twice my age.

Shut the fuck up Jeans.

"Nope. No. We have no time." She quickly debunked that offer and tossed it right out the window. "Was that Levi? If so, that's perfect. Any vehicle with four wheels that gets him from point A to point B will do. I could care less right now." Oh fuck, she heard him. Great. Also, what did the car have to do with anything? "And they really want him working with us, so if we let him wait even a little  bit longer, we will most likely be rightfully screwed," she explained. "Please Ri. I'll repay you with copious amounts of coffee and will give you free passes when I want to go out. You can stay in and snuggle with your boyfriend Bed for as long as you please, and I won't make a single comment or fuss about it."

Well, that sounded like a solid offer.

How could I pass that up when she blatantly appealed to me with my guilty pleasures?

"Deal," I clipped, already regretting this, but knowing damn well that I could not leave my friend in shambles – especially when I've never heard her sound this stressed before – at least what I could gather from being friends with her for this long. "As long as I can get back in time to lock up."

Seeming to pick up on the fact that I handled the situation with Sydney, Levi made his way back to the counter just in time to help our waiting customer. But, of course Dax still lingered, pulling out his phone and scrolling through it. I gave him a solid stare as if saying 'get back to work' but he just looked at me and shrugged before turning back to his phone.

Not my problem right now.

"You will. Perfect!" she squealed, making me pull the phone away from my ear for a moment so she wouldn't blow out my whole ear drum. "I fucking love you."

"Yeah, yeah," I drawled before asking the hot button question. "Now where am I meeting this dude? Where am I picking him up?"

"Um," she faltered for just a moment. "Don't kill me."

"What is it?" I choked out, mentally pleading that she wasn't making me drive to a whole other state or some shit.

"He's already on his way to you," she revealed. "He was shockingly around your area which worked perfectly, so I told his boss to send him over to the store. I also had to give him your number just in case they couldn't find you. I'm sorry!"

Fuck me. Fuck that.

What if I had said no?

She definitely did not think that part through.

Biting my lip between my teeth I stifled the array of cusses that were about to be spewed out. "It's fine," I settled even though I could have exploded.

"Okay, great. Love youuuuuu. Thank youuuu. I gotta go. Byeeeee!" And then she hung up on me.

Great.

I cannot believe I will be spending the end of my afternoon traipsing across the city with some random man to get him to Syd's job and also pick up coffee. Exactly how'd I'd like to spend my weekday. Nope.

I started tossing shit back in my tote looking over everything. Phone. Keys. Wallet. Book. Another book.

What I never knew when I needed good reading material? What if the one book I had was awful? I needed something to sefice.

Leave me alone.

"Girl!" Levi suddenly called, a weird tone laced to his voice that I couldn't translate. "Your Uber passenger is here."

Was this man a whole track star? How had he managed to get here so fast?

"Fuck," I murmured under my breath, once again forgetting damn Dax was right behind me when I turned around. He looked up at me again, the same face he'd been making at me all day. "What?" I threw my hands up in the air.

He just shrugged again, before looking back at his phone.

Alright. A man of many words.

"Hey," I called him, snapping my fingers in front of his face so he would look at me. "You listen to Levi, alright."

"Eh," He titled his head as if he was contemplating my request. Which he shouldn't. "We'll see." He graced me with a mischievous smirk.

This kid was going to be the death of me.

"Whatever." I threw my hands up in the air dramatically as I walked out from the back. This time going through the other side door that led out to the main floor. "Good luck with that one Le—" I attempted to send my warnings to my friend but trailed off the moment I stopped in my tracks, coming face to face with someone I least suspected.

Toothpick umbrella thief.

——

oh shit. next chapter is gonna be one hell of a ride ;)

all of us like:

me too red, me too.

— xanadu

[demented-tours]

The project is simple: Dear World Rage Emotion Box. One photo, one text dump. Raw thoughts. Minimum editing. Fuck typos. Fuck perfection. No masking/curbing/appeasing. No apologies. I don't care how this sounds. Not sure why it needs to be public. I do know why this needs to be public, but maybe it always won't. Maybe I delete these ten seconds after I post them. Maybe I print them out and make fucking wallpaper. Not creating yet another account for this, either. I've officially forgotten too many versions of myself to add another.

///

Dear World 3,

He said, I made you something.

I didn't say anything. I looked at the artwork and cried for two hours because somebody saw something I didn't think I showed anyone. But he'd seen it all along. He still does. I believe he always will.

She said, Write me a sentence, Dee.

And I did. Many. Still am. It's magic every time.

They said, You're the best writer I know.

I said nothing. But I'm determined to be the best Keeper of Stories. I won't let you down.

She said, Happy birthday!

I stared at the art on the page of what previously only lived in my head and wondered, not for the first time, which reality actually matters. I'm pretty sure it's not the one we think.

She said, Just remember: you're smarter than they are.

I laughed. I thought of peppermint wrappers.

She said, You'll never know how much what you said did for me.

I didn't know what to say. I still don't. I just hope the right things keep coming when I need them. For her, for others, for me, for anyone.

She said, I just thought, 'I want to be her friend.'

I hope she still is one. And if not, a reason, a season, a lifetime.

She said, I brought you chicken and rice, balloons, brownies, and the homework you missed.

I said nothing. I sat in her wake and cried and swore I'd never forget. I haven't.

She asked, Why did you keep one of the angels?

I said, Because it felt right. I didn't say: Because dark doesn't scare me, and if I need to hold on to a piece of yours, I can.

He said, Do you want to get out of here while they work?

I nodded. We left. I sat behind the wheel and wondered at the sensation of someone seeing what I needed and letting me make the choices to have it.

He said, People will either get over it or they won't.

I allowed that to settle into my bones and let it be something I remember when I need it.

He said, Your smile is so gorgeous.

I smiled. And for the first time, I thought maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought.

She said, You remind me of a character in a book I once read. It was this woman who lived in a tiny apartment that the detective would go see when they were stuck. The detective said, 'She knows nothing, but understands everything."

I said, Thank you. Because of the million words that gathered in my throat, those were the only two that made it out of my mouth.

He wrote, As it is with all things, it's the trying that counts. Very proud of you.

I pinned it to my wall. I thought about how we think we know the words we want to hear. But we don't.

She showed me over and over again that who I am is a strength.

I said, You'll never know how much you changed my life.

He said, She was the best Sherlock Holmes I've ever seen.

I ran to the stage, knowing he'd done this just for me. And when another said, What's her deal? She said, Be quiet. She's happy. Who cares? And to this day I'm not sure I knew what I had when I had it. But I'm still grateful.

He said, Don't hide who you really are. "Words and meaning, that's your trade. Your a wordsmith." - Sling Blade.

I said, I don't think that's quite how it goes but thank you anyway.

She said, This saved my life.

I realized my job was to believe her.

I said, I need a damn sign!

I got three.

They said, this changed me. This helped me. This made me see.

I promised to keep going.

And I will.

/D

Photo: Like a duck in water. He-she-they believe in me. So I can, too. Felt like whatever comes next.

[s0lar-ch3ri]

hi i wanted to write some scu related shit anyways

what if like tommy just didnt know schlatt was real? like imagine in the final battle slime just goes like "i bet the goat man put you to this, huh?" and tommys like "bitch who???? how many drugs did florida man give you?" like slime just realising then and there that this god or whatever is only available to him, and hes certain its only to torment him, idk thats like cool to me

100 days tommy meets fallen grizzly and they get a dog together. hang on lemme just...

"Why are you even trying to help?" The fallen immortal had a cloth around his eyes, and even so they were shut tight. In his death, he had fallen to a new plane...one where a small partial zombie boy was trying to help him. "You don't even know me."

"Eh, anyone with a 'God Slayer' or whatever seems like a cool guy. Also, I guess I just wanna help." He didn't really know the name of the kid, but he did know he met Charlie (the amount of times goo had gotten stuck to his clothes made Grizzly know how hard it is to clean, and this kid had some on his sleeve). He also knew that he was more kill-able now, and his senses were not as sharp now that he wasn't in Hell, thus how he met this kid. Through an inability to turn the undead (was Grizzly undead? he swore he died to that gun) to an undead, he learned the world here was infested by zombies and everyone had one life. Oh, and also dogs could become infected.

"What, the giant wings and vampire skin didn't say anything?" Grizzly chuckled. He almost removed the blindfold, but his hands were quickly stopped.

"He's not ready, still in transformation. You say if you look at dogs ya kill em? Seems like a fucking sick power, good and bad way. Besides, your cranium isn't as scrumptious for some reason. Plus your vibes or whatever," Grizzly could sense the jazz hands. "They make the infection feel less."

"Do the zombies feel that?"

"Probably not, they've been goners since the beginning. Biting and infecting like crazy, man."

"Wait did you bite him then?"

"Bloody hell, of course not! Just some blood sacrifice, takes 10 minutes or so." Now Grizzly smelt some metallic scent and heard the blood drip (with that much iron? How is the child not dead-oh wait, never mind). Then he heard moving legs...no. Moving paws and a wagging tail.

"Well then, he's your bitch now." Grizzly took off the blindfold (which he had gotten used to for a second there) and he heard barks. He was nervous to look. What if the dog would still die? Then the boy's hands pushed his head down.

"Hey, dogs aren't that tall, they're this tall." Grizzly looked into the eyes of this dog. They seemed so distantly alive, as though they were alive yet dead at the same time.

"I'd be careful with petting it, they're pretty mean to humans like-" the dog was already being pet by Grizzly. He couldn't help crying a bit. Going so long without seeing a dog, and then this. This was his heaven.

Tommy was confused for sure. He'd heard people beg for mercy, scream for his help, swear to take him down, but never was some guy ever asking him if he could help him not kill wolves (weird flex but okay). "You." He finished his sentence. It went without saying that this guy should probably be dead? He had these darkened brown eyes which reminded him of rotten apples. His eye bags made it look like he hadn't slept in centuries. Tommy could slightly see through him, he definitely gave off some undead vibes. Yet, he wasn't a zombie, and Tommy could hear something of a heartbeat.

Another thing that bugged him: the zombies were hesitant on attacking. That wasn't supposed to be possible, because last Thomas checked, zombies had no free will. Their brains were fucking gone, and it wasn't a reaction from them, it was a reaction from their body, which Tom had control of. Was he just able to spark a reaction with his presence, even with those without free will? That was creepy. Also, the dog didn't attack him? The fuck was this guy?

"Well, your welcome Mx.?"

The man looked up from the dog and wiped tears from his eyes. He stood back up, brushing some dust off his pants. Those rotten eyes seemed to hide a lot. "Grizzly. And who is the zombie child who I greatly appreciate the help of?"

"AY! It's Tommy to you, prick." The man stretched an almost bony hand out. Tommy raised an eyebrow. "You know I'm still infected right? If I bite you, you'd be like Gary over here." Pointing behind him was a zombie trying to feast on a tree branch. "It's not like the infection is always this cooperative, and I'm not gonna stop like before."

Grizzly laughed. "I've feared for worse." He kept his hand out, and with hesitation Tommy shook it (honestly, he was just nervous this guy would do some whoopee cushion type prank). It felt warm, like he had been by a fire for a while. His hoodie seemed warm, maybe like his brain...

"I think I'll call this guy Biwi. You like brains, brains start with Biwi, seems cool." And Tommy got pulled out from the infection...which also wasn't possible. It wasn't curable for him, it literally was him, but it seemed to be getting the opposite of worse. Again, what was this guy?

"You going to be fine? I mean, I may have control over them, but if I'm not around, they won't hesitate."

"Fair then. I could try to bring out the God Slayer then. Or maybe a pistol?" He looked into his pockets. Tom knew people had different inventories, but there's no way this dude could fit a sword inside his pockets.

"Oh my gods."

"You asking me for something?"

"What?"

"Oh yeah, the sword. It's-"

"HUGE."

"Exactly. You seem like an interesting fellow. How about I travel with you a bit? I'll help find flesh, you don't eat mine."

"...No promises, but sure. I'm feeling hungry right about now."

"Yeah, I could go for an apple or two."

if you got the puddle reference im so glad anyways an idea i wanted to write in but didnt know how is the zombies that roam that world are the first prototypes bizly made

omg just got a fic idea, id call it "A God's Punishments" where each of the different worlds were just a way of showing the damage he and his friends had done yet he chose to blame anyone else (ie: bizly's zombies for 100 days, grizzlys weather for every five minutes, etc), all set up by a demon of chaos

scu god game night (ft jschlatt and grace), seems fun

its funny to think the haunted mansion vlog is apart of scu but if it is, just the ghosts of his friends ranting to charlie is fun

uhhhhhhh idfk what else lol hope this saticifies

oo yeah baby oo give me that slimecicle content oo yeah give me that slimecicle content to hyper-fixate over yeah oo yeah baby

[gravitywonagain]

so i took this post and made it... worse, probably.

(also now in lwj's pov)

[M, 3.6k, 1/1, Wangxian]

Tags: Major Character Death, suicide, suicide by zhiji (but, like, softly?), time travel, hurt/comfort but mostly hurt, I’m not going to lie this is all angst, not a happy ending (i've added a tiny consolation ending but it's not really enough here)

--

It is dark when Wei Wuxian opens his eyes. Cold. The stone is rough, jagged against the soft, tender bruise that is his body. Something is dripping, pooling, rippling. It echoes in the spaces between breaths and heartbeats. The awful silence of fear and worry. 

He doesn’t know where they are. The same place Lan Zhan always takes him, probably. A cave. Near enough to be possible but secluded enough to hide them. Him. For a little while anyway. 

At least this time he’s lucid. Mostly. And this time-- 

He laughs. A wretched sound that burbles against the blood in his lungs, the death in his veins. 

"Did you see them, Lan Zhan? Did you see?"

His voice ricochets off the stone walls and he winces with the sound of it. Rough, scraping, like the rock he’s lying on. 

"Wei Ying--"

Lan Zhan’s voice is softer. Smoother. Like the pool and the ripples. Wet, too. Not with a mouthful of blood, but with sadness. Regret, maybe. Apology, definitely. Wei Wuxian can’t stand to hear him apologize again. He can’t. He cuts him off. Continues his rambling. 

"United in their hate,” he says. Bitter still. Even after so long, after so many fights. 

"Let me--"

"But they were united." He sighs at that. Allows his relief to color it something other than red. 

He feels Lan Zhan’s confusion even before he asks, "Wei Ying?"

It’s easy to smile with Lan Zhan. 

His eyes are still adjusting to the dim, but Lan Zhan has a light all his own and Wei Wuxian finds him close. He’s always close. Traces the tiny dip in his brow, the wrinkle where his lips press together in the smallest pout. 

Even here, even like this -- bloody and desperate -- he’s beautiful. 

"It doesn't work if there's no villain, Lan Zhan.” He keeps his voice softer now. Almost a whisper. As clear as he can make it. “This world doesn't work if there's no one to hate."

"I don't understand."

"You should go. Leave me. They'll only hurt you if they find you here."

"I won't leave you."

Such conviction in him. In his Lan Zhan. He should probably be used to that by now, but it steals his breath every time. He wants to reach out. He did before. He’s not sure if he should again. He closes his eyes instead. 

"So stubborn, Lan Zhan. So good. Always so good." 

"Wei Ying, I--"

"At least Shijie is alive this time."

It just slips out. He doesn’t mean to say it, any of it. But he can’t take what Lan Zhan might say to him in that voice of his. That serious choosing-words-on-purpose voice. An apology, a negation, a confession. He’s not ready for that yet. He’s never ready for it. 

He really didn’t mean to say--

"This time?"

But he did. He did say it. He’s never said it before, never explained. And now Lan Zhan is looking at him even more confused. He deserves something. An explanation, probably, but Wei Wuxian really doesn’t have the energy for that now. 

Not the whole thing. 

Maybe just a piece.

"Yes,” he says, and anxiety begins to claw a path up his rib cage. It shakes something loose inside him: another laugh, an apathy of sorts, “Aiyou, Lan Zhan, I've done this so many times.” He shakes his head, rolling his skull against stone. “I'm so tired." 

He is. So tired. 

His body is torn, shredded, broken. The seal ripped him apart when he destroyed it. It sucked the resentment from his bones like marrow and left him with nothing to stitch closed his wounds. 

Still, earlier was better. He’d been right about that. 

Jiang Yanli lives. And Jin Guangshan’s face was glorious as the metal shards rained down upon him and his gathered clans. 

It didn’t stop them from attacking. He’d been right about that, too. 

"Rest,” says Lan Zhan. “I will be here."

He sounds unsure. Not of his own words; of course he will still be here. Wei Wuxian has long since learned to not doubt Lan Zhan or his devotion. It’s the getting him to leave that is always the hard part. 

No. He is unsure of Wei Wuxian’s. Not, Wei Wuxian thinks, that he believes them false, so much as mad ravings. Hallucinations or lies told by the demons in his head. 

There are no more demons, he wants to say. They’re gone from me and that’s why I’m dying. 

But he doesn’t say that. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if Lan Zhan believes him, or if he thinks him driven insane by resentment. None of it matters because he’s here. 

He’s here. And Wei Wuxian has lived this night over and over, changing and fixing, trying and trying… But no matter what, as long as he survives Nightless City, Lan Zhan is with him in its aftermath. Lan Zhan is here. By his side. 

In danger. 

"They're coming,” Wei Wuxian says, slurred a little in his weariness. He does not say who. He knows he doesn’t need to. “They'll be here soon. They'll take you. You should let them take you."

"I will not le--"

"A'Yuan needs you, Lan Zhan. Let them take you." 

He doesn’t plead; he doesn’t have enough breath left to plead. But this worked, once. 

"Wei Ying?"

It’s still dark when he opens his eyes, but this time he’s adjusted enough to see Lan Zhan frowning at him. He aches with what he’s asking of this man. The years of quiet mourning, the shock of early fatherhood. It hurts more than his twice-broken bones. But it never-- 

"It's okay. I-- Like I said,” he smiles, small but sincere, “it doesn't work if there's no villain."

"Why you?"

This man. 

"If not me, then who?"

"Not you."

This amazing, stubborn man.

Lan Zhan bites his teeth, clenching his jaw tight like he’s holding a snake inside of it. His knuckles are white with his anger, his frustration. 

He deserves so much more than what Wei Wuxian has twisted his life into, but maybe he can give him something to hold onto. Something to ease the emptiness in his heart, in his soul. 

"It's okay, Lan Zhan. I know.” 

Lan Zhan’s eyes snap wide and frightened, meeting his with urgency and concern, contrition so clearly building on the tip of his tongue. So Wei Wuxian softens his own as much as he can. Holds his smile, a warm curl like a petal in sunlight. 

“I know,” he says again, reassuring, he hopes. “You've stayed with me before."

This time Lan Zhan latches onto it. 

"Before?" 

"Yes. You're always so good. Too good. They hurt you when you fight. Don't-- Don't let them hurt you. A'Yuan needs you."

"A'Yuan?" 

There’s a brightness in the way he says the name. A fondness. Even before he has taken the boy home, brought him into his clan, claimed him as his own. He is always such a good father. Wei Wuxian wishes he could be there to see it. 

"He needs you to raise him. I know you'll take such good care of him, Lan Zhan. You always do."

Lan Zhan flinches at the last sentence, the light of him dulling with it. 

"Wei Ying, I don't understand." 

He’s frustrated. Wei Wuxian is being cryptic and weird, which, honestly, Lan Zhan should probably be used to at this point. But Wei Wuxian has also lost a sense of scale for what anyone should or shouldn’t be used to, so maybe not. He still doesn’t have the energy to explain. 

"I know. It's okay."

It’s nothing, empty, but the honesty of it soothes some of the lines from Lan Zhan’s brow anyway. It’s good. Nice. To see him settle so easily for Wei Wuxian. 

Determination knits itself into the line of his lips and Wei Wuxian recognizes it in an instant. 

"Please, Wei Ying, I--"

"Don't say it. Don't say it, Lan Zhan. It only hurts more if you say it. If I-- Don't say it."

It does hurt. It hurts so fucking much. Even if Wei Wuxian knows -- and he does, he knows -- it is so much worse every time he hears Lan Zhan’s confession of it. Different each time, but heartrending to leave him after. 

He doesn’t know if it’s better or worse for Lan Zhan. Maybe, if he wakes up in Mo Manor this time, he’ll ask. 

This Lan Zhan takes it in stride. It’s a rejection to him, but one he was expecting.

He says, "Okay. Okay, Wei Ying."

He masks the sadness of it well. But Wei Wuxian can still see it, can always see it. It’s no less than what he deserves for putting it there. 

"Let them take you. When they come, just go with them. Don't fight." 

Obstinance returns, a welcome distraction. 

"They will kill you."

"Yes."

"I won't--"

"You must. They need a villain,” he says again. “They don't need two. But if you stay with me, if you fight them for me, that is what you become. A'Yuan needs you."

It’s A’Yuan that makes him back down again. The sadness, the rejection, weighing on his shoulders, in the black hollows of his eyes. 

"Okay. Okay, Wei Ying."

He’s seen it before. He’s seen it over and over again. He should be -- should be. Fuck should be. 

He reaches out. 

"Hold my hand?"

"But--"

"I only said not to say it. Not that it's unwelcome." 

Lan Zhan’s hand is big and warm. It envelopes his own. The calluses scratch against his tender skin and it hurts but only in the best possible way. He thinks he might gasp with it, if his lungs were still capable of something so dramatic. 

"Wei Ying--"

"Shh. Hush now, Lan Zhan. Just hold me. They'll be here soon."

They stay there together, breathing in the quiet, the cold. The dripping sound keeps time for them. 

Lan Zhan laces their fingers together and traces the lines of Wei Wuxian’s veins with his other hand. It is soothing in a way that brings tears to Wei Wuxian’s eyes. So full of love. So perfectly, wonderfully, Lan Zhan. 

Strangely, it is Lan Zhan who breaks the silence. 

"If you've done this before, why not fix it? Why not live?" he asks. 

Wei Wuxian sighs. They’re fair questions, but, "It doesn't work. It all falls apart. The clans fall to each other if not to Wen Ruohan. They need--"

"A villain. So you've said."

"Ah, Lan Zhan!” He laughs and it’s wet enough that he coughs around it. “Interrupting me, so bold!" 

"I am trying to understand."

"I know. I know. There's not enough time. Which will be very funny to you later. Nothing but time. Maybe I will see you again, Lan Zhan."

"They will kill you."

He sounds almost petulant, which is… absurdly endearing. Wei Wuxian can help but smile, despite the topic. 

"Yes. Yes, and you should let them. So you can save A'Yuan.” He turns his gaze to the ceiling, too dark to pick much of anything out. A few sharp lines of stone. “Maybe, maybe you can make them all see. Make them open their eyes in the Burial Mounds. Make them see who it is they're running through."

Lan Zhan brings their joined hands to his lips. Not a kiss. But his questions ghost over skin, warm and gentle. "Why can't we show them together, Wei Ying? Why?" 

"It doesn't work. It's too late for me. You saw what I did to them. You saw the monster I've become."

The seal’s destruction didn’t only hurt him. In its panic, it ripped pain and anger and guilt from the souls of everyone gathered before the Palace of Sun and Flames. Everyone who didn’t have high enough cultivation to protect themselves from it, anyway. Cultivators from all clans dropped to the ground, dead or wounded, as the resentment tore itself from their bodies. 

And when the seal finally shattered, the shockwave of its death throes liquefied flesh and pulverized bones of those nearest to it. 

It was horrific. 

It was necessary. 

"Wei Ying--"

"I asked you to kill me once. If I was too far gone. Do you remember that?"

Rain and mud, horses and a parasol. The kind of honesty that nobody wants. 

"I do."

"Would you do it now?"

"Wei Ying?!" Lan Zhan startles, stands, dropping Wei Wuxian’s hand, like his body cannot contain his reaction, like he cannot allow the idea of it to touch his skin. 

Wei Wuxian chuckles. "I know. You're too good, Lan Zhan. You never agree to that." 

"Wei Ying, please."

There’s a whine in his voice, hidden under the admonition. 

It’s cruel, this conversation. No matter how it starts or how it ends, it is always cruel to Lan Zhan. Cruel to let him sit here with hope, crueler to make him believe there never was any. It is this conversation that shows Wei Wuxian his own monstrosity. 

A thought occurs. 

"I could make you."

Lan Zhan freezes. "Wei Ying?"

"I could make you kill me.” He can feel the ice settle into his voice. “I haven't tried that before. You would be the hero, then maybe you could stop the slaughter." 

"You are not a villain, Wei Ying!" Lan Zhan is terrified. He’s masking it with anger, but there’s a tremor in it, like the whine, a note out of alignment, out of tune. It peaks around the corner, clinging to the hope of reason, of insanity. 

It’s interesting… new. Curious. Wei Wuxian wonders where it might lead. 

"I am,” he presses. “I'm a monster, haven't you heard?” That ice, that cold curiosity frosts each syllable. “A demon.” He watches Lan Zhan shiver with it. “You would be venerated for putting me down."

It’s a good idea. It’s, at least, not a terrible one. 

He rises as much as he can, elbows jammed against the uneven stone with the weight of him. 

It would take a lot of energy, more than he has, possibly, to force Lan Zhan to kill him. And Lan Zhan, good and stubborn as he is, would probably allow himself to be killed rather than kill Wei Wuxian himself. He will have to lose himself to madness, first. Invite more resentment in. A lot more. Is there even enough nearby to--

"Please..."

Lan Zhan is on his knees before Wei Wuxian’s seat. His head is bowed, and he’s on his knees like he’s serving a punishment: back straight, hands at his sides, perfect posture. 

Wei Wuxian hadn’t even heard him move, so caught up in his thoughts. 

But he had. He had moved. And now his shoulders are shaking. It’s a fine motion, small. Less even than a shiver, less jarring than a sob, but tears -- bright, even in this lightless cave -- fall to the dirt or to the neat bloom of his silk skirts. 

“Please, Wei Ying…” 

He’s kneeling and crying and begging, and Wei Wuxian feels every bit the monster they say he is. 

Because he doesn’t let it go. 

He relents a little. Warms, lightens. 

"It would crush you to do it, I know.” 

Lan Zhan looks up at him with hope shining in the unshed tears. And Wei Wuxian is a monster because as soon as their eyes meet, that hope flickers out, and it is Wei Wuxian who is doing this to him. It is Wei Wuxian who is crushing him. 

“We could do it together,” he offers, “you and I. Draw your sword, Lan Zhan."

"No."

His fists clench and he stares Wei Wuxian down. 

"Lan Zhan, they'll kill me either way. Let me die like this: in your arms, with you by my side."

"I can't--"

"A quick slide, right through my ribs. It will be almost peaceful this way."

"No!"

The more he talks it through, the better it sounds. It is the best idea he has ever had. The best way he can die. He can choose it. He can make it easy, nice, kind. He can do this, if only Lan Zhan will let him. 

"You can hold me.” 

He watches Lan Zhan flinch, but it’s okay, he knows why. He understands. But he also knows-- He needs to make Lan Zhan understand how good this can be. How this can work for everyone. 

“They'll praise you for it.” He says it like the concession it is. “You'll hate that, but then the spoils will be yours. You can claim them. It could work, Lan Zhan."

And Lan Zhan does understand. He does, because he lowers his eyes again. His posture weakens. And he doesn’t say “no” anymore. Instead, he begs, "Wei Ying, please do not ask this of me,” and Wei Wuxian knows he’s won. 

"It's too much. I know. I know, Zhiji."

It is cold comfort to offer it now, manipulative even. But he does mean it. Lan Zhan is the one person who understands him most in the world. The answer to his very being. And Lan Zhan grasps at the word with both hands. He clutches them into Wei Wuxian’s bloody robes. 

"Zhiji. Zhiyin. Wei Ying." 

Tears are falling in earnest. Another drip-drip-drip in the cave. Syncopated. 

"You would do it if I asked you to. I know you would.” They both do. It is the reason Lan Zhan is begging him now. It is the reason that terror is so violent in his eyes. 

Wei Wuxian bites his lip. He stalls. 

Lan Zhan is kneeling. 

Lan Zhan is shaking. 

Lan Zhan is crying. 

Wei Wuxian has seen it before but not like this. Never like this. 

He speaks his thoughts aloud. “But is this something I can let myself ask of you? Is it too cruel? To make you bear this with me? To make you take some of the weight." 

"Please, don't... Please, Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan begs again. But the fire has gone out of it. It is still a broken and wretched thing, but there is no longer any hope. Because he knows. He understands. This is the best way, this time. 

So when Wei Wuxian says, "Draw your sword, Lan Zhan,” Lan Zhan lets go of his robes. 

He sits back on his heels, drops his head, and with a quick motion Bichen appears in his hands. 

With Bichen there, solid and real, Lan Zhan pulls himself straight, a cultivator of proud heritage and discipline, like he cannot be anything less with steel in his grip. He is so beautiful. Hanguang-jun, standing tall, blood and dirt falling away from him as he shines brighter than the moon. 

"Wei Ying." His voice is steady, though the pain in it still rings clear. 

"Good,” says Wei Wuxian. “Good. It'll be quick. So quick.” 

He sits himself up and reaches for Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan catches his hand, helping him sit. He slides behind him, bracing against the cave wall, and pulls Wei Wuxian close against his chest. 

He’s so warm, so solid, yet soft with care and layers of silk. His breath is warm against the side of Wei Wuxian’s face, against his neck and collarbones. One hand spreads wide over Wei Wuxian’s waist. 

It is the most comfortable Wei Wuxian has ever been in this life. 

It is impossible to not lean back into Lan Zhan. To not soak up all the love and tenderness that he can feel washing over him with each shared breath, each synchronized heartbeat. 

He folds one hand over Lan Zhan’s on his waist and wraps the other around Bichen’s sheath. 

“Don't worry,” he says, trying to keep them on task, “they'll be here soon. They'll see. They'll help you. Your brother will help you.” 

When Lan Zhan swallows, Wei Wuxian’s head bobs with it. When he steels himself with a breath, Wei Wuxian’s whole body moves in time. And when he draws Bichen, they gasp in unison. 

The blade glows an icy blue in the blackness of the cave and Wei Wuxian blinks rapidly against the light. He watches, rapt, as Lan Zhan smoothly moves the point, never letting go of Wei Wuxian’s waist, until the bloody, black fabric of Wei Wuxian’s robe is splitting, fiber by fiber, just above the doubled line of their fingers. He angles the hilt down, slowly, achingly slowly, until it’s right. Until the slide will be perfect, easy, deadly. 

“Yes, right there,” says Wei Wuxian, and hears himself stutter with it. He thinks he feels steel when he takes a full breath. “It's okay, Lan Zhan. It's okay. It's okay if it's you."

"This is not--"

"I know. I know. Just hold me."

This is not what they meant when they said this in the rain. Either of them. This is not what they wanted when they came to this cave. Either of them. 

But it is good. It is right. It will work. Wei Wuxian has to believe it will work. 

"Wei Ying?"

"Yes, Lan Zhan?"

"May I say it."

"Ha. Yes, Lan Zhan. I think. I think I'd like to hear it."

"I love you, Wei Ying."

"I know. I love you, too, Lan Zhan."

"I know."

Lan Zhan sounds like he’s crying again. Wei Wuxian might be crying, too. He’s not sure if he can anymore. His cheeks are too numb for him to tell. 

"It's okay, Lan Zhan. Deep breath. That's it. It's okay. It will be okay."

There’s a sound, far away, toward the entrance of the cave, and they both startle with it. 

"What's that?" Lan Zhan asks. 

But he knows. They both know. 

"Footsteps. They're almost here.” 

Wei Wuxian’s heartbeat picks up, a sluggish attempt at anxiety. But he needs Lan Zhan to do it. To do it now before he overthinks it, before his family can stop him. 

And, anyway, it’s his turn to beg. 

“Lan Zhan, please. You can do it. Please. Lan Zh--"

A short slide. 

"Wei Ying."

Then nothing. 

--

"Wei Ying."

.

"I love you."

.

"I'm here." 

.

.

.

"Wangji?"

"Xiongzhang. He's gone."

"Oh, Wangji."

--

(And then the first thing WWX does when he sees LWJ at Mo Manor is kiss him full on the lips in front of all the baby Lan disciples.

And then the first thing he does when he gets to Cloud Recesses is get slapped by Wen Qing who he definitely didn't let run off and die for him this go around.

And maybe it's even his last time loop? Who knows!)

[ticklishfiend]

Man, I always feel awkward doing these, lol. Hello! I found your work recently and really love what I've read so far! As I notice your prompts are open at the moment, if you're up for it, I'd love to see a Shinsou/Deku fic. Platonic or romantic, I don't have a preference. I just love those two together so dang much. Keep up the great work! ^^

A/N : aaa omg ok i absolutely LOVE ur blog and all ur fics, tysm for sending in a prompt!! also, this is a little longer than originally intended and i wrote it in a night so hopefully it isn't too dogshit LMAOO and pls keep in mind that this is my very first time writing for shinsou, so im not 100% sure what im doing lol <33 anyways, i rlly hope you enjoy!!

Patterned Socks (My Hero Academia)

Ship : Lee!Midoriya / Ler!Shinsou 

Summary : Shinsou is nervous after inviting Izuku over to his room, as he only just realized his crush on the green-haired boy a few weeks prior. But when Izuku shows up in full All Might attire, Shinsou can't help but tease the boy to the point of new discoveries.

Word Count : 3494

REBLOGS ARE ALWAYS GREATLY APPRECIATED!! MWAH <33

. . .

Shinsou couldn’t help but feel a little...nervous. It wasn’t like he and Izuku had never hung out before, the freckled boy had invited Shinsou to hang out multiple times with his own group of friends, and it always made the usually kept-to-himself boy feel surprisingly loved and thought about. He’d even had a sleepover with Izuku and his friends before, and he couldn’t say it wasn’t fun for him, as he honestly had a great time, it was just...this was going to be his and Midoriya’s first time hanging out...alone.

Being alone with Izuku shouldn’t make him feel this nervous, this bubbly, this giddy. But it did. The boy with the mop of green mess on his head wasn’t even in Shinsou’s fucking room yet and somehow the teen with eye bags deeper than the ocean itself was more than wide awake with the nerves zooming through his system. He couldn’t help it though. Not after his realization weeks ago that, ‘oh shit, maybe I actually have a crush on this little nerd.’

So here Shinsou was, sitting cross-legged with a straight posture in the middle of his bed like a fucking lunatic, twiddling his thumbs and picking at his fingers like he was minutes away from taking the biggest exam of his life, when the only thing he had to currently expect was that timid, awkward kid from Class-1A to knock on his door and hang out with him for a few hours-

Knock! Knock!

“Hey, it’s Midoriya! I’m here, sorry if I’m late!” the muffled voice from behind the bedroom door was unmistakable, and somehow it made Shinsou’s heart stop for just a moment from nerves.

‘Fucking pull yourself together!’ Shinsou thought to himself as he slid off his bed, wiping his sweaty hands against the soft and linted fabric of his plaid pajama pants. ‘You’re acting like he’s here to murder you! You’re just a couple of friends hanging out, you’re making this a way bigger deal than it needs to be!’

“You’re fine, just one sec,” Shinsou spoke nonchalantly as he made his way towards the full length mirror propped up next to his closet. He hated that he actually cared enough to look at himself, to make sure he looked good, but not too good to have Izuku think he was trying to impress him or anything, even if he WAS trying to impress him, but just not-

“Okie dokie! Take your time!” Izuku giggled, and Shinsou swore all the sweat he had JUST wiped off his gross, clammy hands had just pooled right back to his palms at that adorable little sound. That stupid fucking giggle was going to be the death of him, he just knew it.

With a sigh of frustration at himself, Shinsou finally made his way towards his door, giving himself one last peek at his mirror over his shoulder before whipping his head back around and opening the door as nonchalantly as someone could perform the action.

As the door swung open, Shinsou was greeted by the sweetest smile a person could probably ever muster, the boy in front of him lifting a bag up towards the boy’s face with a giggle.

“I brought gummy worms,” Midoriya chuckled shyly, scratching the back of his neck. Shinsou couldn’t help the small tinge of endearment his eyebrows gave before trying to go back to his stoic, edgy persona, giving the boy a small smirk.

“Of course you did,” he snickered, opening the door wider to let the boy inside. “Sit your stuff wherever, I don’t mind. Just put your shoes by the door,” Shinsou shut the door behind them once he saw that Izuku was fully inside, already sitting his stuff down by the bed.

“Oh sure, no problem,” Midoriya nodded towards Shinsou, making his way back towards the door as he carefully slipped his signature red sneakers off to sit by the doorframe. Shinsou finally sat back down on his own bed, but never stopped watching the boy go about his room. It was Midoriya’s first time visiting the boy’s room, and to Shinsou it just felt so...odd, seeing him actually in here, being able to look at everything he had up on his walls and the little messes scattered around his floor. He felt almost a little insecure.

It was a colder Saturday, and it seemed Midoriya had no other plans besides hanging out with the purple-headed teen, as Shinsou saw that he was sporting a worn-out hoodie with All Might’s face adorning the front that he’s probably had for God knows how long, and some oversized pajama pants that were decorated to look like All Might’s own hero suit. He was such a fucking fanboy, even when he was trying to be comfortable. It was...it was too fucking cute.

Once Izuku had finished the business with his shoes, he made his way over to Shinsou’s bed, joining the boy on the small mattress as he climbed on top. Shinsou was sat on the front of his bed, his back against his pillows, while Midoriya had chosen to sit at the end of the bed, his legs outstretched so his feet were just about a foot away from Shinsou’s own crossed legs. Midoriya looked at Shinsou with a smile.

“So...what’cha wanna do?” Midoriya asked, propping his body up with his arms behind his back, tilting his head to the side at his question. Shinsou sucked on his teeth in thought, letting out a small “Hmm…” before scanning Midoriya up and down subconsciously. His eyes made his way down to the boy's feet propped in front of him, his eyebrows quirking at the sight before a grin stretched across his face. His head was tilted downwards towards the boy’s feet as his eyes wandered back upwards towards Midoriya’s eyes, the smirk never leaving his face.

“Are you for real right now?” Shinsou asked playfully, his eyes glancing back down towards the boy’s socks before looking back up into Midoriya’s eyes, who looked a little confused. “You even wear All Might socks?!”

Midoriya’s eyes widened a bit at Shinsou’s realization, his hand slapping at his own mouth to cover the smile etching across his face from embarrassment. His cheeks were just faintly flushed, but it was enough to make Shinsou chuckle in endearment.

“I didn’t even realize!” Midoriya muffled behind the palm of his hand a giggle escaping that made Shinsou’s brain short circuit for just a second before coming back down to reality, shaking his head with a snicker of fondness. “I wear these all the time…”

“You are unbelievable, Midoriya,” Shinsou chuckled, before gently cupping the underside of Izuku’s heel and raising it up closer to his own face. Midoriya let out a small gasp, his leg jerking just slightly from surprise, but not so much for Shinsou to lose his grasp. Where Shinsou had gained the slight confidence to take such an action, the edgy teen had no clue. But Midoriya honestly seemed to be...liking the attention? The smile was evident, even behind the palm of his hand, and even though his eyes were wide and cautious, they looked daringly into Shinsou’s own, almost asking him to make a bolder move without needing to say a word. Though really, the smile was more than enough to agg Shinsou on even further. Who was he to deny this cutie the attention he so obviously wanted?

Shinsou’s grasp on Izuku’s heel tightened a bit, enough to make Midoriya stiffen, now both of his hands going up to cup at his mouth and keep himself quiet, almost like he was trying to keep himself from protesting. Shinsou gazed at Izuku’s cute, flushed face one more time before looking back down at the socked foot in his hand, taking note of the design on the sole. It was decorated in different cartoon All Might designs. One of his face, one of his signature catchphrase “I AM HERE!”, one of his full body hero suit, and one of just his trademark bunny-like hair. Shinsou grinned at this, deciding to make his own little game out of the designs.

“So you wear these socks a lot?” Shinsou asked with a teasing tilt of his head, looking back up to Midoriya without moving the boy’s foot an inch. Izuku raised one eyebrow in slight confusion before nodding his head. Shinsou hummed with a nod, his eyes wandering back down to the sock. “So if I were to poke at...this spot here…” Shinsou brought a finger up from his free hand to the sock, his nail just barely scratching at one of the cartoons on the sole of Izuku’s foot. Izuku jerked at the sensation, a small yip muffled by his hands still being heard by the purple-haired boy teasing him near to death, much to Shinsou’s amusement. “...could you tell me which design it was?”

Shinsou continued his gentle wiggling of one finger, but it was just enough to get Izuku tittering behind his hand, one eye squeezed shut as the other glared at the boy. Izuku gave him no response, however, only pulling at his leg slightly when Shinsou scratched over particularly sensitive areas that made him let out louder snickers than others. Shinsou playfully tisked with a shake of his head.

“Not gonna play my game, huh? I thought you wanted to do something fun, Midoriya,” Shinsou just sighed with a smile, a small evil glint shining in his eyes that gave Izuku goosebumps and made his own eyes widen in...fear? Giddiness? Excitement? “Fine. New game,” Shinsou grinned wickedly before snatching up both of Midoriya’s feet and locking them by their ankles in between one of his elbows. Midoriya let out a loud gasp of shock, before playfully tugging at his feet as if he wanted to escape. They both knew it was all just for show. “Try to stay quiet.”

Midoriya’s eyes widened before immediately slamming shut at the teasingly ticklish sensations that danced across his left socked foot. Shinsou scraped at the sole slowly, using only his first three fingers to do so, but good fucking God was it effective. Midoriya’s hands seemed to be glued to his mouth at this point, almost squeezing at his cheeks to try to keep quiet, though the muffled titters did not go unnoticed by the tickling teen before him.

“Aww, whatsa matter, Midoriya?” Shinsou teased with a small grin, his fingers edging their way upwards towards the bottoms of his toes, curling into the spot he knew to be sensitive on himself which only made Izuku shriek behind his hands. “Don’t tell me you’re ticklish~”

Izuku shook his head, though the way his body was practically vibrating under Shinsou spoke volumes. “Oh, you aren’t, huh? You’re not ticklish? Not even a teensie weensie bit?”

Izuku once again shook his head, the slow and gentle tickles provided by Shinsou giving Izuku just enough leeway to lie his way through this playful torment with only tiny titters and snickers. But the moment he felt his toes being pulled back by the side of Shinsou’s hands, both of his eyes shot open in excited fear.

“Well that just won’t do, now will it? I’m a pretty convincing guy, though, so maybe we can change that up a bit,” Shinsou grinned before scratching the nail of his thumb into Midoriya’s now stretched out toes, and Izuku couldn’t hold back anymore. The boy let out a stream of giggles behind one hand, his other now shooting down to clutch at his belly.

“AHAHA! Wahahait! Nohoho!” Izuku’s eyes squeezed shut, throwing himself back to lay flat on the bed, both of his hands moving up to cover his now terribly blushing face. Shinsou snickered, incredibly amused at the boy’s intense cuteness. “I’m sohohorreheheehe!”

“Aw, you’re sorry? For what?” Shinsou chuckled before raking all four of his fingers down the sole of Izuku’s socked foot, the boy letting out a yelp at the change before dissolving back into his adorable stream of giggles.

“I dohohon’t knohohohow!” Izuku shook his head, his feet just barely pulling at Shinou’s grasp out of pure bodily instinct. Shinsou just smiled fondly, chuckling a little in amusement. The purple-haired teen zeroed in on one particular spot right under the ball of Midoriya’s foot, the poor boy under him letting out a small shriek before arching his back at the sensation, shaking his head wildly.

“Ohoho, this a good spot, Midoriya? Right here?” Shinsou scratched at the sensitive area, Izuku cackling at the sensation before shooting his hands down to clutch at the front of his own hoodie, his knuckles almost turning white. “Aw, it is, isn’t it? You can’t take it here, huh?”

“AHAHAHA! PLEHEHEASE!” Midoriya cackled, pulling at his hoodie even harder, enough where Shinsou could even see the space of skin right under the boy’s pale neck. It was freckled there too, he noted, and...he couldn’t help but wonder if he was freckled anywhere else too.

“Please what? If you want me to stop just say so,” Shinsou tilted his head, observing very closely as he noticed Izuku’s face grow an even darker shade of tickled pink. He chuckled in delight as he heard no sounds of protest from the cackling boy underneath him. “Aw, that’s it, isn’t it? You don’t want me to stop?”

“DOHOHON’T DOHOHO THAHAHAT!” Izuku giggled wildly, pulling his hoodie up to cover his face and hopefully muffle those adorable laughs as much as he could, though of course he succeeded in only looking as cute as ever.

“Don’t do what?” Shinsou smirked, his fingers moving to his other foot to scratch at the same oh-so sensitive spot, now mirrored. Midoriya practically screamed into the fabric of his hoodie at the change in sensation, curling his body upwards instinctively before flopping himself back down onto the bed through his fit of cackles.

“TEHEHEASE MEHEHE!” Izuku cackled, pulling at his feet just enough to seem like he was fighting the playful torture, when really Shinsou saw right through him and all his All Might merch far too easily.

“Oh so you WANT me to tease you? You like being teased, Midoriya?” Shinsou snickered at the panicked giggles escaping through the fabric of Izuku’s hoodie, wiggling his fingers back into that oh so sensitive curve right underneath Izuku’s toes that made the boy scream in ticklish agony. “You’re so sensitive, y’know that? So ticklish even with your little All Might socks on. I wonder, though, will it tickle worse if you don't have All Might to protect you?” Shinsou smirked before slipping his fingers under the edge of Midoriya’s sock, the green-haired boy letting out a loud gasp before whipping his head out from the hiding spot in his hoodie.

“No! Dohohon’t!” Midoriya giggled as Shinsou teasingly edged the sock slowly up the boy’s foot, not having even tickled the bare foot yet but somehow still getting a rise out of him.

“I haven’t even started yet! Are you really so ticklish you’ll laugh when tickles are even threatened?” Shinsou grinned, testing his theory once he threw the sock over to the side by wiggling his fingers just above the boy’s bare foot where Midoriya could see from his angle. Sure enough, Midoriya absolutely dissolved into a puddle of giggles, his arms clutching at his tummy as he barely tugged at his trapped feet. Shinsou couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh my god, I was kidding, I didn’t think it would actually be true!”

“Juhuhust do it alreadhehehe! Plehehehease! I can’t tahahake it!” Midoriya pleaded, his hands moving to cover up his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at Shinsou. Shinsou felt his heart swell in adoration.

“You want me to tickle you that bad?~” Shinsou teased, slowly swiping one finger from the top of Izuku’s bare foot down to the heel, the boy gasping at the sensation, curling the foot up as much as it would go.

“Plehehease, I cahahahan’t!-” Izuku was a flustered mess under Shinsou, squirming and blushing into the oversized fabric of his hoodie, giggling like a child all the while. Shinsou finally gave in, scribbling his nails on the sole of his foot, pushing Midoriya to squeal before dissolving into panicked, high-pitched cackles. “GAHAHAHA! SHIHIHINSOHOHOU! AHAHA NAHAHAHA! PLEHEHEHEASE! I CAHAHAHAN’T!”

“It doesn’t even sound like you know what you really want anymore, huh?” Shinsou giggled, slowing his fingers down to small, teasing scratches on the boy’s soles, both socked and bare. Izuku was a puddle of snickers and giggles, barely pulling on his feet as he finally opened up his eyes as much as he could to gaze up at his tormentor. Shinsou looked down at him with a smile, finally stopping his tickling to rest Izuku’s feet in his crossed lap. Midoriya’s breathing was heavy, but the smile on his face seemed plastered on, and didn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. Shinsou tilted his head at the boy with a grin. “So...you liked that, didn’t you?”

Izuku whined, shoving his flushed face into his hands. “I mean...I don’t know…”

“It’s okay if you do...it’s uh…” Shinsou chuckled sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck. “It’s kind of...cute, y’know?”

Midoriya peeked out from behind his hands to peer at Shinsou, before bringing his arms down to prop himself up and get a better look at the boy. “You thought it was...cute?”

“Well yeah, I mean...you were all giggly and stuff, and I uh, already kinda thought you were cute beforehand so that just kinda heightened the cuteness I guess,” Shinsou had a hard time making eye contact with Izuku, acting almost as if HE had been the one tickled to near tears just moments ago. He suddenly felt so shy, just like he had felt before Midoriya arrived. Where did all that previous confidence come from? And where did it go when he needed it the most? (now!) “Not to mention the fact you liked it in the first place. That’s just downright criminally adorable.”

“Quit it!” Midoriya whined with a giggle, though he left his feet in Shinsou’s lap, only kicking them out slightly during his fussing. He let out a huff of air, clearly embarrassed and very flustered. “I...I was nervous before I got here...thank you for that…”

Shinsou blinked. “Wait...you were nervous too?”

Midoriya looked up at Shinsou with a furrowed brow. “Yeah...wait, you were nervous?! Why?!”

Shinsou swallowed. He felt like some kind of nervous lump that had been growing and festering in his tummy this entire time was suddenly trying to crawl from his throat, choking him on his own words. His eyes were a bit wide, and suddenly his hands felt all clammy again like they had before Izuku arrived. “You just, uh...you make me nervous sometimes.”

“Do I do anything wrong?”

“No! No, of course not! It’s just...uh…” Shinsou huffed, rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands until he saw fireworks, refusing to meet Midoriya’s gaze. “I kind of...like you…a little bit…”

There was a second of silence, Shinsou’s hands still covering his shy eyes as if to protect him from inevitable rejection. He felt the warmth of Midoriya’s feet slip from his lap, and at the same time felt his heart drop from it’s spot in his ribcage. He almost felt like he could cry...that is, until, he felt fingers start to poke and prod at both sides of his ribs, making him arch his back with wide eyes. Those eyes met Izuku’s own mischievous ones, a smirk growing on the green-headed boy’s still flushed face as accidental giggles started spilling from Shinsou’s lips, his body curling from left to right at each poke and prod.

“H-Hehehey! Whahahat?!-” Shinsou melted into giggles as Izuku started to pinch along his ribs, the boy falling onto his back against the pillows as Izuku straddled his waist fully, still relentless in his tickle attack.

“Stop looking so nervous and mopey, Shin,” Izuku smiled, leaning his head down to touch their foreheads together as he slowed his tickling down to his his hands resting comfortably on Shinsou’s sides. “I like you too.”

Shinsou blinked, never knowing he could blush so much until he realized just how close him and Midoriya’s faces were in that moment. They stared into each other’s eyes for seconds that felt like millenia until…

...until they kissed. And what a kiss it was. Filled with small giggles of pure joy and breathless huffs of air that made them forget they even needed oxygen in the first place. It was perfect and pure and everything Shinsou could’ve ever wanted. That night was filled with more kisses and more tickles than either of them had experienced in a lifetime, but it was worth it for each other. It was more than worth it. It was everything.

...

A/N : tysm for reading!! if u enjoyed pls consider reblogging, it helps spread my fics to more ppl who might enjoy!! thanks for the support, much love <33

[2dmenenthusiast]

Warmth - a Bakugou x Reader Christmas special

its finally done hhhhhh I love how I was just like “Oh yeah I’ll do a short little fic for Christmas” and then I ended up typing this long ass fic. I mean, its not that long but it took me days to write cuz I lack motivation always so it feels long lmao. Anyways, haven’t wrote for my explodey boy bakugou yet so here it is! Let me know if I gave the reader any specific pronouns or features by accident and I’ll fix it right away! I hope you all enjoy! Please feel free to reblog if you wanna give my fic more exposure, I'd really appreciate it 😚

Summary: You get caught in the middle of a snowstorm, and when you get home, you’re desperately craving the warmth of your exploding, ragey boyfriend. 

Word count: 3.3K

Warnings/other info: swearing, itty bitty reference to sexy times, spoiler for Bakugou’s hero name, just a lot of fluff (you guys are so mean to each other tho lmao)

You hated winter. Actually, scratch that. Let’s rephrase. You hate snow. No, you had nothing against the actual season. Winter brought you cute Christmas movies and catchy songs, as well as the gift-giving holiday itself. However, snow was a demon, and it could fuck right off. Especially when it was blowing directly into your face like it was now, your snow-covered boots trudging through the thick snow as you held grocery bags in each of your gloved hands. Even though you were wearing a thick winter coat and hat, and had your scarf covering half of your face, you felt like you were about to shiver out of your own skin and god you could barely fucking see with all of this snow going directly into your eyes.

“‘It’s right down the street, y/n, just walk there.’ What am I, fucking stupid?” you muttered.

You had figured it would be better to just walk to the store rather than using up gas or spending money on transportation, and fuck were you dumb for making that decision. Bakugou had warned you too, taking one look outside and telling you it would be better to just go get groceries tomorrow. But noooo, you just had to get it done today. And honestly, it looked like the roads were gonna be shitty for the next few days, so better now than later. Speaking of the roads, there were barely any cars driving on them, which was expected. The plow didn’t look like it had come through yet. However, a vehicle slowly came towards you, going under the speed limit to avoid sliding on the road, and you could hear The Christmas Song playing loudly from inside as it passed. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire? Yeah, the only thing going to be roasting on an open fire was your ass the second you walked through the door. And by an open fire, you meant the heater, which Bakugou better have on full fucking blast, or else you swore you were going to wring his neck.

As your apartment building became closer in view, you doubled your efforts and tried to speed up your pace, but the snow made it almost impossible when it was almost past your shins. Still, you grit your teeth and pushed through, letting out a relieved groan when you walked through the front door of your building and felt heat blast you in the face. Releasing a sigh, your grip tightening on the grocery bags as you traversed up the stairs to your apartment, and when you jammed your keys in the lock and pushed through the door, it was just as you suspected. Too fucking cold.

“He’s dead. He’s a dead man. He knew I was going out in the fucking arctic tundra that is the city right now, but he chose to keep the thermostat at fucking 70 degrees?!” you thought, grumbling to yourself as you set the bags down in the kitchen and marched over to the thermostat.

“Hey, take your fucking boots off, will you? You’re tracking snow.”

You raised your middle finger in the direction the voice came from, not even looking back

at your boyfriend as you turned the dial of the thermostat and watched the numbers go up until you were satisfied. Turning to look at Bakugou with a glare, you said something that he could tell was filled with frustration and anger, but he could barely hear you when you were talking through your scarf, raising an eyebrow as if to silently say, “what the fuck are you saying?” Rolling your eyes, you toed off your boots and hung up your coat, taking off your gloves and hat next before unwrapping your scarf from around your face and neck.

“I said you’re a fucking maniac. How are you not freezing?” you asked, hurrying past Bakugou to your shared bedroom so that you could change into something warmer.

Bakugou just scoffed, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest as he watched you change. “You remember what my quirk is, right?”

Slipping one of Bakugou’s large hoodies over your head, you let out a sigh. “Oh right, I forgot that along with the ability to blow shit up, you’re also a walking heat box,” you said, throwing the hood over your head as you turned to your boyfriend with a small pout.

He just looked at you with an amused smirk, a single eyebrow quirked as he looked you up and down. He had to admit, he’d never get tired of seeing you in his clothes. Though he quickly became worried when a mischievous grin appeared on your face, and he had no time to react when you were running forward and slipping your hands underneath his shirt, wrapping your arms around his bare torso.

“Gah! Shit, you’re fucking freezing!” he yelled, trying to push you off of him, but you just tightened your hold as you buried your face in his chest. “Hey! Don’t you get comfy, get the hell off of me.”

“But you’re so waaarm,” you whined, looking up at him with cute puppy dog eyes. You weren’t lying, he was very warm, and you’d be damned if you pulled away from him anytime soon.

Letting out a growl through clenched teeth, Bakugou gripped your thighs in his hands and suddenly lifted you, and you let out a noise of surprise, not expecting your feet to come off the ground as your legs automatically wrapped around him so that you wouldn’t fall. Carrying you back into the living room, he threw you on the couch and pinned you with a glare when you tried to move, not walking away until he was certain you wouldn’t get up from that couch. Once he turned his back to you, you sat up on your knees and looked over the back of the couch as Bakugou walked into the kitchen, bending over the reach into one of the bags, and holy fuck his ass in those sweatpants was downright fucking sinful. As the cool kids would say, he was, “double cheeked up on a Thursday afternoon.”

“It’s Saturday, and stop staring at my ass, you damn perv,” Bakugou grumbled without looking back at you, and you pursed your lips as you raised your hands in surrender.

“Not my fault you’re so dummy thicc.”

“For the love of god, stop watching TikTok.”

You just laughed and stood from the couch, walking into the kitchen and leaning against the counter as you watched your boyfriend put the groceries away. “You don’t have to do that, you know. I can put them away.”

“Nonsense. You were just out freezing your ass off in the snow. Now get back on that couch before I throw you on it again,” he said.

You smiled at the kind gesture. While Bakugou was often rude and uncouth, not making an effort to hide his frustration or disdain for certain people or things, there was a soft spot deep down in there, and you were lucky enough to be one of the few people he showed it too. Of course, it was hardly willingly. You were persistent as hell, getting under his skin the moment you started going to UA with him. However, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like your persistence.

Letting out a small hum to yourself, you leaned over and pressed your lips against his cheek, his skin warming up under your touch. “You’re cute.”

A light pink dusted his cheeks as you walked back to the couch and plopped down onto the soft cushions, grabbing the fluffy blanket hanging over the back and draping it around your shoulders. No, if anyone in this relationship was cute, it was you. With the way you stole his clothes and just seemed to always make them look better, or made him his bento lunch with cute little notes inside that he secretly kept in his desk and would look at whenever he needed a little pick-me-up. You probably didn’t realize how much he noticed every little thing you did, but he did, and it made him fall more in love with you every day. Of course, he wasn’t very eloquent and it was hard for him to express how he felt with words, but he was a believer in how actions spoke louder.

“Hey, dipstick! You almost done? I’m about to freeze my ass off over here and I need my cuddle buddy,” you yelled from the living room, and Bakugou’s eyebrow twitched as he scoffed, running a hand over his face. You just had to ruin it, didn’t you?

“Yeah, yeah, wait a sec, would you? Not my fault your body can’t regulate temperature like a normal fucking human being.”

Your head popped up, looking over the couch at your boyfriend with an incredulous look on your face. “‘Normal?!’ What about you is normal, Mr. I-get-unnecessarily-ragey-and-blow-shit-up? Hm?”

“Oh and you think you’re so normal when you bought fucking ice cream in the middle of goddamn winter,” he said, holding up the tub of ice cream you recently bought on your trip to the store.

“Ice cream is good for any time of the year! And you have no room to judge me. It could be a hundred degrees out and you’ll be scarfing down a bowl of spicy ramen like it’s your last meal.”

“You don’t hear me complaining about it though, do you?”

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest as you pouted. “Jerk. you know, I hope your quirk just one day combusts and you blow up your own face.”

“Fuckface.”

“Asshole.”

“Dumbass.”

“Mama’s boy.”

Eyes widening, he dropped the last grocery bag on the floor and stomped over to the couch. If you were any normal person, you probably would’ve been cowering in fear just from the pro-heroes intense stair. But you had been with Bakugou for a while now, and what “normal” person would date someone whose first draft of their hero name was Lord Explosion Murder anyway? He placed his hands on the top of the couch, looking down at you as you stared up at him with a shit-eating grin on your face.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“Oh, I think you heard me.”

“Take it back or I’m blowing up all of your Deku shirts.”

You gasped dramatically, placing both of your hands over your heart as you gaped at your boyfriend before narrowing your eyes. “You wouldn’t.”

He didn’t say anything, simply raising an eyebrow at your challenge before walking towards your shared bedroom without another word. Oh. Oh, he was being serious. Scrambling off the couch, you ran after him.

“No! Nononono, wait. Ugh, All right!”

He turned to look at you, one of your shirts of the Pro hero Deku held tight in his fist and a smirk on his face that meant trouble. You sighed, crossing your arms over your chest as you looked at the nearby wall, not wanting to see that stupid little grin on his stupid face.

“You… You’re- not a mama’s boy,” you muttered under your breath, coughing to make the words more unintelligible.

“I’m sorry, what did you say? I think I feel my hand warming up a bit.”

“Ugh, fine! You’re not a mama’s boy. Happy?”

Grin widening, he dropped the shirt and walked over to you in long strides, closing the distance quickly and placing his hands on your waist. “See? Was that so hard?”

“Absolutely teeth-pulling,” you said, dropping your head on his chest as he chuckled, bringing a hand up to gently pat your head. Of course, there wasn’t a lot about you two that was so different from each other. You both had a mutual hatred for backing down. He then looked over at the bed where the green-haired hero’s smiling face stared back at him, and he scowled.

“Why do you have so many shirts of that damn nerd anyway?”

“I don’t have that many, Katsu.”

“You have like ten. You don’t have any merch of me.” His grip on you tightened possessively, and if he wasn’t aware of it, you certainly were, smiling against his chest before lifting your head.

“Why would I need merch when I have the real life thing right here?” you asked, poking at his abs. “Besides, it’s not like I bought them. They were gifts whenever he had new designs come out.”

“And you couldn’t just refuse?”

“Even if you have some weird tension with him, that doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with him, dummy.” You lightly flicked his forehead and slipped out of his grasp as you walked back out to the living room, and he followed close behind with furrowed brows.

“Weird tension? The hell’s that supposed to mean?”

You just looked at him with raised eyebrows and shrugged, dropping down onto the couch before pulling out your phone. It took him a second to understand what you were getting at, and when he did, he wanted to vomit up his lunch.

“Oh, you’re sick.”

You threw your hands up. “I’m not saying I ship it! Your Twitter followers certainly do, though.”

“Yeah well, they’re all weirdos anyway,” he said, sitting down next to you and throwing an arm around your shoulders, and you immediately relaxed into him, content with the warmth he seemed to produce 24/7. “The only person I wanna be…” he grimaced, shaking his head, “shipped with is you.”

You smiled, looking up at Bakugou as you placed your hand on his chest. “I think people would if we didn’t constantly insult each other while we’re out in public. And you know, if you were actually affectionate with me.”

“I’m affectionate!” he yelled, arm tightening around you. “Those damn extras don’t need to see that shit anyway. Not like it’s any of their business.”

You chuckled and moved to straddle Bakugou’s thighs, hands taking their time as you dragged them up his muscular torso and splayed your fingers over his chest. You admired the man below you with a small smile on your face, his hands moving so that they rested on your thighs, giving them a small squeeze, and you watched his tongue swipe over his bottom lip as he seemed to look at you with that same red-eyed intense stare that he always did. Leaning down, you placed a slow kiss against his lips but pulled away before he could deepen it, and he chased your lips with a quiet growl as you let out an amused huff.

“Would you…” You could tell he was hesitant, never knowing how to properly express what he wanted to say, especially when he was feeling vulnerable. You placed your lips against his cheek, gently holding his face in your hands to try and reassure him. “Would you like me to be more affectionate in public? Would that… make you happy?”

Brows furrowing, your lips formed into a frown as you sat back, hands slipping into his. “Katsu… we’ve been together since our high school days. If I had any complaints, wouldn’t I have voiced them by now?” He opened his mouth, but you didn’t give him the chance to respond, grabbing his face again. “Listen to me for a second. Despite what people think about your rough edges and your unpleasant attitude-”

“Watch it.”

You smiled. “I wouldn’t change a damn thing about you. Your random outbursts, your sailor mouth, your shitty nicknames for all of our friends. Those things are what make you Bakugou Katsuki. Not some shitty tabloid with that stupid headline that’s like “Ten things to know about Pro Hero Dynamight!” or whatever. They’re all bullshit. No one sees the side of you that I get to. No one sees the big softie that you really are.” You lightly poked Bakugou’s chest with a giggle, and he swatted at your hand.

“Hey, I’m not soft, you dumbass,” he grumbled, and you just laughed as you leaned into him and wrapped your arms around his neck, resting your forehead on his shoulder.

“Keep telling yourself that.”

You heard him sigh and felt his arms wrap around you, happy in his strong embrace. There was nowhere you felt safer than in Bakugou’s arms. They were always there to hold you at night, or to pull you into a hug when you were feeling upset. You loved his arms, but you loved him in general. Everything about him always had butterflies fluttering around in your stomach. When he would gaze at you like you were the only other person in the world, or when he’d come home after a particularly rough day, and you’d offer to help him relieve some stress, but he’d insist that the only thing on his mind at the moment was you underneath him while he memorized and tasted every inch of you. Yeah, you were a love-struck idiot, but so was he. Maybe even more so.

You were brought out of your thoughts when the lights started to flicker before going out, and you waited a few seconds for them to come back on, but they never did. Are you fucking kidding me?

“Um… Katsuki?”

“Hm.”

“Please tell me our power didn’t just go out.”

“Our power didn’t go out.”

You smacked his chest. “Don’t be a smartass.”

“Then don’t say stupid shit.”

You let out a groan before whining out his name, and he sighed as he lifted you off of him and walked into the kitchen to grab his phone. It was like you could already feel the cold seeping back into the apartment through the cracks in the doors and windows, and you shivered as you grabbed the blanket from before and wrapped it around your body. Bakugou then came back into the living room, letting out a sigh and tossing his phone onto the couch.

“Some idiot driving in this shit-storm hit a pole and took down a transformer. Power won’t be back until the morning.”

Great. Just magnificent. Who the fuck decides to drive in a snowstorm? Letting out a huff, you stood and went to the kitchen to find a lighter before lighting every candle you two had, hoping they would provide enough light for the night. After making sure at least one candle was in every room, you went back to find Bakugou gathering all the blankets he could and raised an eyebrow.

“What? We both know our comforter won’t be enough to warm your shivering ass.”

“But I have you, don’t I? My personal heater,” you said, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet as you smiled.

Bakugou scoffed. “Yeah, can’t wait for you to suck all the heat out of me.”

“Oh piss off. You love my cuddles.”

Before he could give you another snarky remark, you turned on your heel and walked to your bedroom, pulling back the covers and immediately tucking yourself underneath them. But of course, it wasn’t warm enough. When Bakugou walked into the room, you stuck a hand out from under the blanket and made a grabbing motion, and he just chuckled at you before throwing an extra blanket on top of you and climbing underneath the covers to lay next to you. You immediately sought him out, desperate for his warmth as you wrapped yourself around him and nuzzled into his chest, and his arms looped around you as he tangled your legs together.

“Christ, you’re fucking freezing,” he grumbled.

“Shut up and hold me tighter,” you said voice muffled as you spoke into his chest, and he did as you asked, his arms tightening around you as you let out a content sigh. 

Relaxing in the silence, you felt yourself begin to grow more tired with each second that passed, and your boyfriend seemed to relax as well, which was rare for him. You both were perfectly content, dozing off in each other’s embrace.

“... So should I get a mistletoe for the apartment?”

“Dear god, shut the fuck up and go to sleep.”

[greatwyrmgold]

There's a lot to criticize about modern education system in America (which apparently overlaps with what Denmark? does wrong), and this is definitely one of those things.

The example that's burned most vividly into my mind is one time in high school American lit when we had to write a 15-page paper about East of Eden...specifically one of a couple dozen narrow themes, based not off our own interpretations of the text, but off of interpretations we cited from books talking about East of Eden.

And further supported with quotes from the text, but I feel like the damage was done when we had to tie our interpretations to not only preselected themes (and the characters they applied to), but also prior scholars' opinions.

That Extra Credits video about Call of Juarez taught me more about why themes matter in a handful of blog posts than twelve years of public school, and they didn't even mention themes. School gave me the impression that themes were just something literature snobs looked for to justify their existence. It took an ASoIaF blog explaining why GoT sucked for me to understand why themes mattered.

...

Part of the issue might be that literature classes focus on High Art Classics, and it's easier to explain why themes matter when things go wrong than when things go right. But A. it's entirely possible to teach other kinds of art as contrast and B. it's not like High Art Classics are unblemished and without error.

My impression is that Shakespearean scholars mostly consider Romeo and Juliet to be, on some level, a tragic parody of true-love-against-all sorts of stories, portraying the love as naive and destructive. Yet "Romeo and Juliet" is used as a byname for that sort of guileless True Love as often as it's used to refer to the opposite, and that seems like a sign of a flawed parody.

Literature classes aren't failing to teach why themes matter because it's impossible to do in a classroom setting; there are ways to do it. If I had to guess, I'd guess that most literature classes aren't designed to teach students to analyze literature and understand why themes matter, but to teach them about Great Literature and why the classics matter.

Shakespeare is great, the Gatsby is great, Oedipus Rex and Antigone are great, fucking East of Eden is great; scholars have discussed them for decades, centuries, millennia, here are their conclusions, memorize them. It's like teaching history as a series of names and dates. Good for establishing and enforcing a Shared National Culture, shit at getting students to care about the subjects being studied. Also shit at getting students to respect the Classics, in my opinion.

But what would I know? I'm just a guy who swore never to touch another Steinbeck book after having to write 15 pages about, essentially, what other people thought East of Eden meant.

...

Shout-out to Crime and Punishment and my high school world lit teacher, though. The bit about Raskolnikov, Svidrigaïlov, and commentary on the ubermensch was the first time any of this theme garbage felt like something the author might have intended, instead of something later scholars interpreted over the story.

not a question, just wanted to say, it's been almost 10 years since i graduated high scool, the last time i picked up a book. It was due to how they forced us to read symbolism in every line, but also simultaniously demanded that the symbol they saw was the only option. Yet, a week ago, i started to watch your videos, and now i cant get enough of your boss design videos, that goes into the symbolism. Thank you for helping me appreciate the symbolism in games, and start thinking about them on more layers than the first, something that i struggled to do for so many years in school.

You're very welcome! That will be $180.000 in tuition, please.

In seriousness, I am also someone who got turned off HARD on critical analysis by the way that I got taught about it in school. Partly because, of course, I was a shitty teenage boy and engaging with art makes you vulnerable, which boys are taught is the single worst thing they can possibly be. I was also informed that it both IS gay and that it MAKES you gay, which is something I used to just sort of vaguely assume was terrifying and bad.

But also it was taught from the position of "you must know this to pass" instead of "hey check this cool shit out!" which just felt kind of cold and distant, like learning multiplication tables without any sense of what multiplication is useful for.

I have found the "hey check this cool shit out!" approach much more compelling, and I try to make my videos from that perspective.

[tobiosmilktea]

hello! can you write a scenario for atsumu? something like idiots to lovers. like they're best friends or sth like that and they end up accidentally confessing each other gshksfsghgs it's up to you actually, i'd lobe to read anything you write ♡♡ i understand if you won't do it btw but thanks anyways!!

cherry cola — miya atsumu

1.8k words | genre/s: fluff, uni!au | warning/s: — | pairing: atsumu x gn!reader

↪︎ in which you find your best friend, atsumu, passed out on your balcony after a party the night before. now you’re giving him a wake up call with a cherry cola and a confession

a/n: definitely not my best writing, so sorry if this ended up not being what you expected, because this went totally different from what i first had in mind lmao

atsumu’s head was pounding. like a hammer whacking right on his forehead over and over again. he groans, muttering something incomprehensible as his neck and back ached. he wasn’t exactly dreaming, yet he knew very well that he was awake in some form of way. like a limbo? he didn’t know—more like he didn’t bother to find out as he shifted uncomfortably, his head pounding harder and harder the more he stirred in his sleep.

the hell was he sleeping on anyway? concrete?

atsumu didn’t remember your bed being this hard the last time he stayed at your house. wait. why could he hear birds chirping right next to his ear and why was he at your house again?

“atsumu!” a voice shouts at him as he felt a soft throw pillow pelt at his face.

“what the hell?” the setter groans under his breath, yanking him out of his lingering slumber as he pushes himself into a sitting position.

his eyes were open now at least, albeit he struggled trying to keep them open. he peeked through his eyelids to see your figure hovering over him with that same fatigue draining you. not to mention the cool morning breeze suddenly pulling him into his senses that he was in fact outside on your balcony passed out.

you make your way over to him, tugging his arm to get up. “hurry and get your ass out of here before the ra sees you, idiot.”

atsumu’s expression contorts into confusion as he rests himself against the railing, right hand holding his temple as his headache turned into a migraine. “the hell happened last night?”

“what do you mean what happened?” you scoff, placing yourself next to him. “how much could you have drank to not even remember we had a party last night?”

a party? yeah, that does ring a bell. atsumu thought, sighing out the last lingering taste of beer out of his mouth.

it was then the memories from last night dawned on him like a sudden downpour. being the idiots you and atsumu were, you two decided to throw some mindless party just because you two were bored in your literature class one day.

the night was still blurry as his head, all tangled up in jungle vines and foggy from the alcohol. he recalled it starting off with a bang, as atsumu worded it himself an hour before the party started. you two had spent a good amount of money on alcohol and evaded a noise complaint by giving out free liquor bottles to keep their mouths shut. the night progressed like normal before atsumu knocked the fuck out, yet he couldn’t shake off the fact that you sat uncomfortably next to him with a look on your face as if you had just committed a crime.

it was the look you usually had when you and atsumu had done some completely and utterly stupid last night—it was just a matter of what.

“do you remember anything,” you paused, shrugging your shoulders as you handed him a drink in one hand and an ibuprofen in the other. “i dunno, that happened last night during the party? like anything strange?”

a huff left atsumu’s lips, trying the conjure up the energy to even speak. “no?” he answered all confused before looking down at the beverage that was radiating coldness throughout his palm. “what’s this?”

“a cherry cola and pain medicine so you can get out of here already,” you muttered. “and are you sure you don’t remember what happened?”

the setter didn’t respond as he cracked the can open and chugged half of it’s contents down. it seared in his throat slightly as the sugar from the drink had forced energy into his body, downing the medicine along with it. “why the cherry cola?”

“answer my question first.”

“i already told you that i don’t remember, (y/n).” groaned atsumu as he took another swig of cherry cola as if it were alcohol. he then leaned in close to your face, watching as you pull back slightly with your eyes wide like saucers.

strange, atsumu thought, but if only he could hear your raging heart beat within your chest and see the faint pink hues upon your cheeks.

“now answer my question,” your best friend chimed in as he mused at your expression.

pursing your lips, you quickly thought of a lie. “nothing. i’m just bribing you with your favorite drink to hurry up and leave.” you attempted to push him up on his feet again, but it succeeded with no prevail as he threw you smirk.

“why do you want me to leave so you badly, huh?” he leaned in again, provocation lacing his words like ant ridden saccharine. even when he was hung over, atsumu was still as playful and cocky as ever.

he was much closer to you, more than both of you were used to. despite being best friends and being by each other’s sides 24/7, there was still a bubble of personal space between the two of you that has always been respected, and yet, you didn’t fight him off nor push him away and it certainly didn’t seem like atsumu was going to do anything about it either. 

“you don’t remember what i said last night?” your voice emitted much softer than anticipated. perhaps it was from the close proximity between the two of you that you didn’t need to be loud in order to be heard, or maybe it was the fact your faces were just inches away from each other.

“we talked a lot last night, though.”

you shook your head, “no, it was a few minutes before you passed out. we were alone and we were drunk in the bathroom and—”

atsumu’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, racking his brain to remember the scene but all he could recall was the two of you talking on the bathroom floor after he just threw up. he probably just said something snarky to you and hoped it wasn’t a big deal.

“did i say something strange to you or something?” he asked as he was still a bit confused.

you scoff, forcing yourself not to roll your eyes. how could he just magically forget what he said last night and act like it’s not a big deal? if it was you that didn’t remember something you said, you would be panicking right now. “yes,” you deadpan.

an amuse chuckle left the setter’s lips, “then what do you want me to do about it?” atsumu’s conscience mentally slapped him over and over again, yelling, what the hell do you think you’re doing? as the words fell between his lips before he could stop himself. since the moment you two became close there were always unspoken boundaries placed between the two of you and yet he was screwing it all up. the signal in his mind didn’t release itself until the moment he felt his eyes fall upon your chamomile lips. and to atsumu’s peachy ones, did you even dare to think of the impossible, of the serenity that filled you two under your blushing cheeks.

even if he was just playfully and mindlessly flirting with you, it wasn’t like you reacted to it much. before, you would most likely just shrug it off as a joke or roll your eyes at him. and yet, now you’re cheeks tint red and you get all flustered just by the sight of him.

“nothing,” you mutter as you finally pull yourself away from him and up on your toes. “just hurry up and get back to your dorm—”

your wrist was suddenly snatched, forcing you to look back down at atsumu. “are you okay?”

“yeah, don’t worry about it.” you dismissed, but he still refused to let go of you.

atsumu was now up on his feet despite struggling to gain balance for a quick second before following you back inside. “why are you acting like this?” he questioned, genuinely curious considering the fact that nothings lining up for him, but that’s probably because there’s still alcohol in his system.

“i told you already,” you repeated, the anger suddenly rising in the tone of your voice and you yanked the door open. “it’s nothing, just forget about it.”

“forget what, (y/n)!?” he exclaimed all of the sudden, his voice echoing own the corridors as the frustration suddenly building up within him at such an early morning. this wasn’t good for anyone, not for you or atsumu, and not even your neighbors who were probably still sleeping.

“because you told me you had feelings for me last night, idiot!” you quickly shut your mouth up the moment the words left you.

atsumu’s expression hardened as his breath hitched in his throat, hesitating to even answer as the words could barely leave his tongue.

you weren’t supposed to know about that.

the thought was drowning in the back of your heads, only for you to swallow any unnecessary feelings back into the dark depths of your gut as you turned away. atsumu cleared his throat and mirrored your movements, creating a space between the two of you once more as if whatever just happened didn’t occur. perhaps the setter had a problem with keeping things to himself while he’s drunk, but surely you didn’t even have the ability to resist the urge you swore you would never succumb to.

because isn’t falling fun?

atsumu’s eyes flickered back and forth from the ground before him and you who seemed to be too deep within your psyche to notice as you refused to even look at him. he captured his bottom lip between his teeth as he pulled himself together to answer. “i’m sorry,” he apologized, “i didn’t want my feelings to ruin our friendship.”

you shook your head, scratching the nape of your neck as your gaze finally decided to meet with his. “it’s not ruined, atsumu. we’re just being idiots right now.”

“when are we not?” he chuckles softly, trying to lighten up the mood that suddenly turned awkward. “i just hope you didn’t reject me while i was drunk.”

“i would never!” you scoff, offense written all over your face as you felt relief coursing through your body knowing that everything seemed close to normal again. “i mean how could i reject someone that looks absolutely adorable while their drunk?”

a playful look melted upon atsumu’s expression as he smirks, “you think i’m adorable?”

“a hundred percent. it’s just too bad i couldn’t kiss you since you threw up right after you confessed. it was disgusting.”

atsumu rolled his eyes, “don’t lie, you know damn well that was the best confession you have every received.”

and it was. purely from the fact that was from your best friend, miya atsumu, who you often called idiot. but if anything, he was your idiot and you wouldn’t change it for anything.

[luv4fandoms]

Private show (Cecil L'Ively x Reader) {Part 1}

(So I have changed my mind about doing individual oneshots for kinktober, but I hope you all still enjoy this and let me know what you think 😊.) I haven't really seen any Cecil stories on here so I wanted to write some.

Original gif imagine by @itoldyounottodoit. And can be found here

You can also find this on ao3 if you prefer that.

(Part 2)

Day 1. Voyeurism

Character: Cecil L'Ively (x files)

Warning: Smut (kind of a given...It's for kinktober) talk of a cheating boyfriend.

Word count:3,916

https://ko-fi.com/luv4fandoms

When your parents offered you a spot in the old house they had just bought in Maine, you didn't need to think twice before you agreed, needing time away from your town, and your headache of a relationship. Some mountain air was sure to do you some good, so you quickly packed and drove, watching the sunny beaches fade behind you. The drive was around fourteen hours, but it was well worth it when you saw the house. A white three storey beauty with a wrap around porch, how did they afford this?!

"What do you think?" Your mom asked as you stepped out of your car.

"How the hell did you score this?!" You replied, hugging her

"It had been on the market for over five years so the price was super low, needed a bit of work on the inside but our lovely neighbors pointed us to their house caretaker slash handyman and he worked his magic" she explained.

"Awesome neighbors" you laughed.

"Oh they are" she smiled and pointed behind you, you spun around to see a face you never thought you'd see again.

"Margerete!?" You exclaimed, meeting the young girl halfway as she bounded over to wrap you in her arms. Margerete was a young girl you had met when you were little, she came from England, and from very wealthy parents, almost aristocratic you could say. She had been staying with her aunt in Florida when you two met, her aunt had been estranged from the family, but when Margerete's parents had gotten into a bit of trouble they sent Margerete to her for safety. She had been sent back to England when you both were sixteen, and though you two tried to stay in contact, your lives had drifted apart.

"It is so amazing to see you!!" She smiled,

"You haven't changed a bit" you smiled back.

"Why would I? Perfect the way I am" she laughed.

"Have you moved here than?" She asked, her voice hopeful.

"I will be staying for a bit, unsure if I will move yet"

"Well then I'll just have to convince you!" You smiled, you returned her smile, happy that even though so many years had passed, you two could easily fall back into place...When something, or rather, someone, caught your eye. You noticed a man painting the balau swing that sat in the front garden, he didn't seem too concerned about the possibility of getting paint on him as he wore a dark blue coat over his plaid shirt. His hair was short and brown, and you wondered what he looked like from the front. Margerete noticed your stare and smirked, before turning to stand beside you.

"That's Cecil, the house caretaker, I can introduce you two if you want" she stated.

"What?" You asked, still looking at the man, almost willing him to turn around, what color eyes did he have? Did he have facial hair or was he clean shaven?

"I'll call him over" she stated, breaking you out of your trance.

"No! No that...that won't be necessary, I'm….in a relationship anyways" you told her, your voice falling near the end.

"You sure about that? You don't sound like you want to be" she replied a bit concerned.

"It's...it's complicated" you sighed.

"Right! Well how about you go and get unpack, and if you're not too tired, you come back and we can catch up over some tea yeah?" She smiled, causing you to smile as well, she always had that effect.

"I'd like that".

It didn't take you long to unpack, having only filled a couple of suitcases, so you quickly emptied them into the dressers in the small room near the back of the house and freshened up before heading back over to Margerete's. You'd be lying if you said you didn't spare a glance towards the garden on your way up the path, but Cecil was gone already, and for a moment you felt disappointed. Ringing the doorbell you waited for Margerete to answer, glancing around the beautifully landscaped yard, you only turned back towards the door when you heard it open, but it was not Margerete that greeted you. Clean shaven was the answer to your question earlier, and eyes that were the rare kind that seemed hard to describe, they seemed hazel, but more on the brown side. He wore a smile that made him seem friendly enough, but something flickering in his gaze made you think that something was smouldering just below the surface...Either way this man was far too attractive for his own good. 

"Hello there" and he was British too?! Come on!

"You must be (y/n), Miss Margerete said she would be expecting you. I'm Cecil, the home's caretaker" he explain, stepping out of your way and gesturing for you to come in" 

"It's a pleasure to meet you, my mother told me about how you helped them with repairs, I can't thank you enough for that" you smiled at him, he simply waved you off.

"Was no trouble at all, your parents are lovely folk, please right this way, Miss Margerete is on a call with her mother right now but she'll be down soon" he led you to the living room where a woman came in with a tray of tea and cookies.

"This is Kathrine, she's the maid here"

"Very nice to meet you dear" the older woman smiled.

"Very nice to meet you as well ma'am" you smiled, she nodded after setting the tray down and left.

"Your mother tells me that your family always wanted a house here?" He asked, sitting in the chair next to yours.

"Yes, ever since my brother moved here"

"But she seemed surprised when you agreed to come," he added, to which you let out a slight chuckle.

"I'm sorry, that is probably personal, it's just your mother talks," he tried to backtrack but you simply shook your head.

"It's fine, really...They were shocked because my boyfriend recently proposed," you stated.

"Oh, congratulations," he replied.

"Yeah" you said with another weak chuckle.

"Except I told him I'd have to think about it"

"Oh?"

"Not really sure if I can marry someone I've already had to forgive three times for cheating on me" you stated.

"Why did you forgive him at all?" He asked, looking up you noted his look of disgust toward your boyfriend's actions.

"Honestly...I thought I loved him...But now...I don't know" you sighed.

"From the sounds of it you need to throw that wanker to the curb" a female voice rang out, and you both turned towards the doorway, Cecil went to stand but Margerete simply pushed him back down by the shoulder.

"No need to get up Ce, you can join (y/n) and I, she seems to enjoy your company" she stated, sending a smirk your way.

Conversation flowed easily between the three of you while you drank your tea, you caught up with Margerete, both she and Cecil agreed your boyfriend should be your ex, you learned a little bit about Cecil, about how he has been a handyman, caretaker, gardener, in the past but that was as much as he would indulge, Margerete seemed fine with this, but his closed book made you want to know more. He showed off a few magic tricks that had the two of you girls laughing before it dissolved into another conversation. Before you knew it, it had gotten late and you needed to get back over to your house for dinner, you and Margerete agreed to a dinner another time. Cecil though, insisted on walking you back, even if it was only across the street, according to him, it wasn't safe at night. When you reached the door you turned to him, a smirk on your lips as you looked back at Margerete's house.

"But who will protect you against the dark now good sir? You have to walk back by yourself" You asked, feigning concern. He smirked at you.

"Worried about me? We just met" you couldn't help but smile when he did, your character breaking. 

"Don't fret love, I'll be alright." He added, turning to leave.

"I hope we can hang out again..sometime" you stated, slightly feeling like a fool, he was right, you had just met, but there was something about him.

"I'd love to," he said, turning to give you one last look, a now lit cigarette hanging from his lips...odd..you hadn't seen him reach for a lighter.

"Until then love" and with that he made his way back across the street. That night you had gone to bed early, your body tired from the long drive, and as you drifted off you laid completely unaware of the eyes watching you from the window.

The rest of the week had pretty much flown past, when you weren't helping your parents around the house, or writing for your newspaper column back home, you were spending time with Cecil and Margerete. More so with Cecil as Margerete seemed to always be pushing the two of you together, not that you minded. Groaning you answered and ended the call quickly, having looked at the number to see your now ex boyfriend, you had told him you were through, having recently found out about yet another affair, but he hadn't seemed to grasp the concept and swore the two of you could work it out.

"Should I answer it next time? Kindly tell him to fuck off?" Cecil smirked as the two of you continued your walk through the park.

"No, that will just start him up worse" 

"I still don't understand why you haven't told him off yet"

"Mainly because all my stuff is still in the apartment he and I shared back home."

"Why not just go get your things then love?" He asked, God you hoped he didn't notice the shiver that ran down your spine every time he called you love, you would be lying if you said you didn't find the man extremely attractive, had in fact, since you first met him, and having spent so much time with him this week was only making these feeling that had began to flutter around worse. 

"I'm planning to, just have to figure out when" you sighed, coming to lean against a tree.

"Well, whenever you do, allow me to come along." He started, slowly stepping closer to you.

"That way if your ex is still too dumb to take the hint"he added, now right in front of you, so close the two of you were almost touching and you watched as he raised a hand to cup your cheek, turning your face up towards him.

"I can take care of him" he all but whispered, slowly leaning in, his lips so close as you felt yourself leaning in also, just an inch and the two of you would-

"Hello Ms.(l/n)!" A voice called out, causing the two of you to break apart, you looked over and saw Mr.Tucker, one of your other neighbors.

"Hello Mr.Tucker!" You waved.

"Tell your mother thank you for the pie will you? The wife and I loved it!" He smiled.

"Will do Mr.Tucker" you replied before the man turned and left, Cecil and you turned to look at each other before you both laughed.

"Let's get you home, it's starting to get dark" he stated, grabbing your hand and leading you back down the path. To say you were once again wired that night would be an understatement, this seemed to be your body's constant state of self whenever you were around Cecil too long. Like you were a bomb, just waiting for someone to light the fuse. You sighed as you tossed your sheets off, the room suddenly too hot as you thought back to the charming caretaker across the street. It wouldn't be the first time the thought of him has caused a fire in your belly, he seemed to be what kept you up at night.

'Sadly not in the best way' you thought, thinking about him, you wondered what kind of lover he would be, would he be gentle? Take his time and worship you? Or would he be rough? Take what he wanted, pleasing you both in the process? You had a feeling he would be a mixture, that sweet smile always seemed to try to disguise the twinkle of mischief in his eyes. You sighed as you thought back to today, how close you were to finally feeling his lips on yours, you wondered how they would feel slowly working down your body, teasing you with feather touches, making you squirm under him as he worked you up. You sighed again, one hand slowly sliding down to grasp your breast, your thin nightshirt doing little to hide your already peaked nipples, your other hand slowly slid down to lightly caress the front of your panties. You thought back to Cecil, thinking about him taking your nipple between his lips, lavishing it with his tongue before giving it a gentle nip, his hand giving ample attention to your other breast before he switched. Your breathing picked up as you pictured his hand slowly sliding down your front, your hand mimicking your thoughts as you slowly pushed up your top before taking it off completely, leaving you bare from the waist up. You settled back down and was about to return to your fantasy, when the feeling of being watched suddenly came over you and you opened your eyes to look around but didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. You had been having this feeling since you arrived but tonight it seemed stronger, but upon finding nothing you closed your eyes once more and returned to your fantasy. You grasped your breasts, giving them ample attention before the fire in your core became too much to ignore, quickly throwing your panties off you pictured Cecil running his hand along your stomach, gently teasing you right above where you needed him most.

"Please" you whispered.

"Please what love?" You heard him say in your head.

"Please..touch me" you begged into the night.

"As you wish" and with that you slid your finger into your slick core just as your fantasy Cecil did, you knew your fingers weren't as thick as his, but they would have to do. You let out a low mewl as you bagan pumping them, picture Cecil above, giving you that knee weakening smirk as he watched you writher under him.

"You like that love? Like it when I touch you?"

"Yes! Please don't stop" you panted, making sure to stay quiet.

"I wouldn't dream of it, not until you've come for me" he told you, pressing another finger into your core and causing you to cry out, your hips raised off the mattresses as you continued to fuck yourself, the fantasy of him so vivid that it had you calling out for the man.

"Cecil!" You gasped, your movements slowing a bit, you were unsure why you opened your eyes, but when you did you noticed something. The old mirror that sat in the room gave the perfect view of the window that sat diagonal to your bed, and from that view you realised where the feeling of being watched came from. From the window you could see that a slight ways away from the window, partially hidden by a tree was Cecil, one hand gripping onto the tree while the other was hidden in his pants, the movements making it known just what he was doing. Now maybe it would have startled you, or caused concern if your brain wasn't so focused on getting off,  but the thought of him watching you fuck yourself sent a thrill down you spine and made you quicken your pace, your body stretching out so he could see more as you watched him through the mirror just as he watched you. You watched him bite down on his lip, his movements quickening along with yours, while his eyes roamed your body. You couldn't help the moan that escaped you as you focused on his movements, knowing he was getting just as much pleasure as you, and that thought seemed to be what drove you over as you came with a soft cry of his name. You slowed your breathing as you came down from your high, glancing at the mirror to see his head tilted down as he leaned against the tree for support, seeming having spent himself as well. You watched as he looked back up, eyes roaming your body once more before you decided to tease him a bit more and pull your blankets over you again. With a small smirk he turned around, pulled out a cigarette and left.

'So watching is his thing huh?' You thought, the slight thrill still running through you.

'Well then, maybe I should put on a private show'

Another week passed before you had an opportunity to put your plan into action, your parents were leaving for the weekend, so you had the whole house to yourself, you had gone shopping with Margerete recently and picked out a very sexy little black number, one she insisted you were going to wear for Cecil one day, she didn't know how soon 'one day' was. You had done your hair, donned your lingerie and hid it under a robe while you sat in bed reading. Truth be told you had reread the same sentence about five times and still couldn't say what it said, you were too wired, waiting to see some sort of movement in the old mirror, movement, that luckily didn't take that long. You had been flirting with Cecil a lot more this past week, not so much that one would think it was sudden, but enough to get him riled up, so when you saw the slight hint of him standing behind the same tree, you knew it was time to start. Closing your book you sat it on the dresser, slowly you went around and lit the candles that you had scattered around the room before switching off the light, bathing yourself in the soft orange glow the fire gave off. Sparing a sneaky glance towards the open curtain you saw him leaning against the tree, still slightly out of sight, but the orange glow of his cigarette gave away his position. Slowly making your way back to the bed you dropped the robe, giving him a full view of what lay beneath before climbing onto the mattress. First you sat in the middle of the bed facing the window, your hands running along your sides before stopping to cup your breasts, the thin lace only covering your nipples as they hardened under your caress. Your eyes closed while your head lulled back, the thoughts of him watching already had you dripping. Stopping, you slowly reached behind you and unclasped the bra, letting it fall off before tossing it aside, your breasts now on full view for your lone audience. Your hands ran along your thighs, before coming to gently rest on your panties, the wet spot clearly visible against the lace. Your legs spread wider as you slowly ran your finger along yourself, moaning at the feeling that wasn't giving you enough to dull the ache. Slowly standing, you took off the ruined lace before laying back down, your body angled as to give him the perfect view of your soaked core, while your head hung just off the other side, giving you the perfect view of the mirror. He was still out there, hand once again hidden inside his pants as he watched you, though when you spread your legs wider you watched him inhale sharply, before he quickly pulled his hand out and started to unbuckle his belt. Your hands wandered down to gently run along your folds as you watched him lower his pants just enough to free himself, the sight causing you to moan, he was definitely bigger than your ex. He slowly stroked himself as he watched you, his other hand holding his shirt up slightly to keep it out of his way, his eyes never leaving your form while you slowly pressed your finger in, noting how he stroked himself from tip to base at the same speed. You slowly began to pump your fingers, watching him take his own pleasure at the sight of you, his tongue darting out to lick his lips, almost as if he wished it was something else he was licking, and that thought caused you to moan out again, this time his name. Now you had left your window slightly open, enough so that sounds from inside could be heard, so when you called out for him, he heard it loud and clear, enough to make him cuss under his breath and speed up his movements. You quickly inserted another finger, matching his speed as you writhered on the bed, the feeling amazing and yet not enough. You added another finger, calling out his name once more as your eyes closed in bliss, upon opening them you noticed he had moved. Less hidden by the tree and now leaning against it, his back pressed against the bark while he took his pleasure in your form, his body now easily seen from the window. 

"Fuck! Cecil please" you begged, hearing a groan come from outside. You knew this dance the two of you were doing needed to come to an end, helping yourself was satisfying, but God you needed him, and watching him jerk himself was not helping that need. You sped up, watching as he did the same, his hips coming away from the tree as he thrusted into his fist, another groan leaving his lips. You moaned as you bucked into your hand, matching his movements, you were close now, and by the look on his face so was he. You watched as his head lulled back, hips quicking as he groaned, before they stilled and you watched him empty himself, the sight enough to send you over the edge with a shout. When you finally drifted back down from your post orgasam high you sat up and looked at the window, watching as he began to walk away, a lit cigarette once again between his lips.

"Oh no you don't" you stated, quickly walking over to the window and pushing it open.

"Only come for the shows? I should start charging for tickets" you spoke into the chilly night air. You watched as he stopped, slowly turning to look at your still nude form as you leaned out of your window. He opened his mouth to explain but nothing came out, after all, he had never been caught before. Seeing his flustered state you couldn't help but smirk.

"So tell me, wouldn't you rather be part of the show? Instead of just watching it?" You asked, a smirk on your lips while you watched his flustered expression slowly morph into a smirk of his own.

"Are you offering a role?" He asked

"Well you see, I'm in need of the male lead, think you got what it takes?" You challenged, watching as he put out his cigarette and headed for your front door

'Oh this is going to be fun'

There it is! I hope you all enjoyed it, let me know what you think 😊 part 2 will be posted tomorrow

[rreader]

can i ask you a loki x reader? i'd like some angst that ends with fluff, or if you don't like it, you can choose th ending haha i love your writing, this is why i feel like i can leave it all to you! thank you ❤️

Pairing: Loki x ReaderFandom: MCUWarnings: angst + mentions of slaughter

Summary: Thanos is about to destroy Earth, when you, wife of Loki and daughter of a long forgotten goddess, stop him before he can end the planet.

A/N: okay, listen, this entire idea has been in my head for ages, mostly because I love the andromeda galaxy so much and always had this HC that in the MCU universe, the andromeda galaxy was born because of a goddess. so when I got this request, I was like “fuck this, I’LL DO IT!” so yeah. I really hope you guys like this, because I cannot tell you how happy I am with it.

                                                        *****

Thanos.

Aname that was feared by many these days.

Rightfullyso, as he destroyed world after world, with the power of the InfinityStones.

Few,like the Avengers, decided that it was up to them, to defeat this madtyrant.

Andwithin the Avengers, was someone that no one had expected to findthere. Someone, that had wronged many of them, but despite all ofthat, still stood by their side and wanted to fight Thanos. Maybe because he actually cared about his brother and didn’t want him to die alone, or maybe, becausehe knew that Thanos would not spare Asgard.

And in Asgard, there was somebody waiting for him, that he could not lose.

Lokimight have been considered a villain once and many might still thinkof him as one, but right now, he was a hero like the rest of them.

ButThanos was strong and the Avengers could only do so much.

Itwas only a matter of time, before the first Avenger would fall and then,all of them.

                                                          Asgard

“(Y/N),I do not think it’s wise for you to go!” Sif followed you andalmost had to run to keep up with you, “What if something happensto you? What if neither of you return? What am I supposed to tellhim?”

Youdid not stop in your tracks, if anything, your pace fastened.

However, you did not leave without saying the things, that you so desperately needed Sif to hear.

“IfI don’t come back, take Yarvin and flee. Promise me you will keep mychild safe.”

Theway you looked at her, like you were almost begging her to keep himsafe.

Howcould she refuse?

“Ipromise,” she sighed and closed her eyes when your forehead touchedhers. “Be careful, (Y/N).”

Yousmiled.

“Iwill.”

Allyou could do now, was hope that your plan would work.

                                                            Earth

“Lookat you. Trying to defeat me with a shield,” Thanos laughed at Cap,his finger snapping against his chest and he flew back, like he was a fly.

Avengers were scattered all around him, bleeding, unconscious, trying toget back up and fight him once more.

Deathand destruction surrounded them.

Allthey could hope for now, was a miracle.

“Ahem,”you cleared your throat, standing behind Thanos. A few feetaway, so he wouldn’t throw you back like Cap. Thathadn’t looked too good. “Am I interrupting?”

“No,”Loki whispered next to Thor, who was trying to help his brother standup. “No, no, no, get her out of here!” he stared at his brother,tears already welling up in his eyes.

Thanostook the bait and turned around to look at you.

“Areyou here to destroy me as well?” he mocked, a sly grin on his face.

“I’mactually here for my husband, if you don’t mind.”

“Ah,you’re here for love. Then we have something in common.”

Youalmost wanted to snort.

Hereally had a queer notion of love.

Thanosturned around to the Avengers once more and took a good long look at them,one after the other.

Itwasn’t hard to figure out, that Loki was the man you had talked about.

Theway he struggled to get away from his brother, the way he looked atyou, with so much fear in his eyes. Like he could not bear to lose you.

“Rememberwhat I once told you, god of mischief? How I would force you to endure a new kind ofhorrific suffering? Well.. I think the time has come, old friend,”but when Thanos turned around to face you again, you had vanished into thinair. “What..-”

“..-see, Thanos. The price of living as long as you have, is that youforget things, that you really ought to remember.”

Thanosstarted to twist and turn his head, trying to find the source of thevoice.

“Allow me to tell you a story. Or actually.. not really a story.. amyth, rather.”

“Showyourself!” he was getting angrier by the second.

“Eonsago, there was a young goddess, who had many, many daughters. She andher children, lived in a galaxy, that was entirely devoted to her andsoon, became the ruler of this galaxy, which is odd in itself,because no one ever rules an entire galaxy. But the goddess was kind.The goddess was good to the people and the people had faith in her, to show them the way,” Thanos started running towards what seemedlike the source of the voice, yet, he found nothing but thin air,“Centuries passed and the galaxy had been peaceful through all thistime. Everyone was happy. They all had a good life, thanks to the goddess. And then came a day, that this peace, wasgone. Because one man, thought that the goddess was in possession ofsomething, that did not belong to her.”

Slowlyand carefully, the Avengers regrouped. They gathered their strength, to fight Thanos one last time.

“But,you see, the goddess did not own, what the man thought she possessed.Yet, he did not believe her. So.. what did he do? He took all of her12 daughters and slayed them, one by one, in front of the eyes oftheir mother, who begged him to stop. Begged him to leave her children alone and just kill her. But he didn’t care.”

Thanosstopped in his tracks.

Themore you said, the more he remembered what had happened so long ago.

“Inthe end, she did not give him what he so desperately sought, becauseshe did not have it. Instead, she swore vengeance on him. But the man merelylaughed. He would kill her and all of her people, so that there would be no one leftto seek vengeance on him.”

Finally,you showed yourself and instead of the Asgardian armor you had wornbefore, you now wore a long black dress, that sparkled like starswere weaved into it. You protectively stood in front of all the Avengers, a staffin your hand, your hair falling freely down your back.

Thanosturned around, his eyes growing bigger by the second.

“Butthe goddess did not have twelve daughters, Thanos. The goddess hadthirteen daughters.”

“That’s... impossible,” he exhaled.

“Iam (Y/N), last daughter of Andromeda, ruler of the Andromeda galaxy by birthright. You have brought death upon my family and now I, will be your death.”

Thanoscharged, but all you did was close your eyes and something thatlooked a lot like a black hole opened up over him and swallowed himup like he was nothing.

Beforeanything else could be sucked inside, you weaved your staff and thehole closed as quickly as it had appeared.

Then, you turned around and looked into the faces of confused and perhaps abit scared, Avengers.

“Hewill return, but not for a long time... You are safe.”

Ittook all of them a moment to realize what you had just said, then thefirst smiles started to appear, others just fell to the ground andlooked like they wanted to throw up, now what it was over.

Butthere was only one person you truly cared for here.

Youapproached your husband, who was now standing without the help ofThor and gaped at you like he had just seen a ghost.

Understandable.

“Areyou angry that I’ve never told you?”

“Angry?No. If anything, annoyed that I, the trickster, was tricked.”

Youchuckled and both of you went in for a tight hug.

“I’msorry, though. I.. wanted to tell you, I really did, it’s just..-”

“..-you don’t have to explain yourself, (Y/N),” he pulled back slightly andplaced his hands on either side of your face. The way he looked atyou, with so much love and admiration.. like nothing had changed.“Let’s go home to our son, shall we? And then, you can tell me allabout your secret past, if you want to.”