#(westley fences even better)

[ihavetoomuchhomeworkforthis]

I couldn't figure out how to put a poll in a reblog, and also reblogging it would have been EXTREMELY long, but this post and poll are in response to all my extraordinarily lengthy posts about theoretical photosynthetic Vulcans (and their acorn babies)

TLDR if you don't want to read the previous posts is that I came up with ideas about what it would be like if Vulcans were photosynthetic, and one of those ideas was that they'd asexually grow acorns with baby Vulcans inside, and once the baby Vulcans broke out of the acorn shells, they'd cling to the parent like a baby sloth does. This (oops) would lead to a very unnecessary but nonetheless raging climbing instinct which makes them want to climb shit all the time in spite of all things logical: a very annoying internal conflict.

Who should be who? Buttercup's wearing a red dress, so logically she should be the redshirt. However, Vizzini is the one who ends up dying a few minutes later, so maybe he should be the redshirt. However, Vizzini also yells insults at Fezzik the while time, so maybe that's Bones. On the other hand, Dr. McCoy deserves the honor of Buttercup's dress, don't you think? But so does Kirk. (I really wish I could draw better)

[emry-stars-art]

The princess bride is an incredible movie but I have to say my very favorite scene is the sword fight between Westley and Inigo. (I fence so this scene is one of my all time favorites) Anyway what I’m proposing is that Andrew learned to fence growing up and kept at it. First because it would be very cool and second because I think everyone should fence especially gay royalty.

And you're RIGHT

So. I drew it obviously but i also love the idea of this being one of Nathaniel and Andrew's first close encounters. So I also wrote it here, thank you SO MUCH for your tips on how fencing works and i hope it doesn't mess it up too bad that I switched around some of the rules, we'll say it's Palmetto's traditions 💕😅

And actually I think this it's how Nathaniel gets to be Andrew's bodyguard in the first place. You guys read the ideas below and tell me if you agree or not bc honestlyyyyyyy 👀

(Find the royal au writing masterpost here 💕)

The first thing Andrew notices is that Nathaniel listens. He didn't expect to be taken seriously with "Don't come back until you're equal in the sport". Or he expected Nathaniel to come back time and time again to challenge him until he finally beat Andrew by luck or sheer probability. But the next time Day tries to hand Andrew's fencing off to Nathaniel again, Nathaniel declines (which infuriates Day in his usual huffy attitude but thats besides the point).

When Day goes over to question Nathaniel on it where he's leaning on the fence - again just watching - Nathaniel only says "I'm not good enough yet." Not "the prince ordered it" or "I'm not allowed to". It seems like he really is just listening to what Andrew said.

Day tries to say he's fine, he needs work but he's getting better. He won't get "good" without more practice. But Nathaniel only shakes his head.

Andrew finds this horribly interesting.

So Nathaniel keeps practicing with Day and maybe some others - maybe he gets to practice against some soldiers and he meets Matthew Boyd, the infantryman the myth the legend (was that even a rank back then I can't remember. Probably). Until finally, a good while later, Nathaniel actually manages to beat Day. They're both surprised, but time and time again Nathaniel proves he's at almost equal skill. And if he's equal to Day, he has a chance against Andrew.

Andrew's first hint that something has changed is that Day actually asks Nathaniel again - he'd stopped trying after a second refusal. The next is that Nathaniel actually accepts.

It's exhilarating to have Nathaniel on the other end of his challenge once more. It takes more clear prompting, but he even has Nathaniel talking again, though less boldly than the last time. He enjoys it (by Andrew's terms in a sport he still considers halfway useless) as much as he had the first.

Nathaniel wins fair and square.

After that, seeing Nathaniel take his words so literally and respect them and then best him in fair hand-to-hand combat? Andrew knows exactly who to ask for when Day's finally had enough of being his stand-in guard.

[oscarisaacasimov]

The Princess Bride swordfight - how Westley won

Inigo is a better swordsman that Westley.

Let me explain:

... No, there is too much, let me sum up:

In the books, it is explained that Inigo is a wizard. That is the only other plateau above grandmaster in sword fighting, and it is mentioned in the book that there are only 3-4 other Wizards in existence.

He is also a Spaniard, and for those of you with any knowledge of historical fencing, you'll know that the Spanish Destreza style of fencing is widely regarded as the most lethally efficacious.

(Watch The mask of Zorro to see some excellent Destreza style training)

Westley was a prodigy. If he had started fencing at the same time as Inigo we wouldn't even be having this conversation. He learned everything he learned in 5 years compared to Inigo's studying for his entire life.

But Wesley also learned on a ship, which means he more than likely learned to focus on an entirely different form of fencing. I'd wager to say that Westley was at the level of a grandmaster, but as far as the sharpness of his mind goes, he was twice as brilliant as Inigo.

Westley is always observing, and he not only learned that Inigo was a Spaniard, but saw the ornamentation of his handle, and had an up close look at his right hand's callouses just as he was cresting the cliff, and in that short amount of time, put it together that he was facing a swordsman of "inconceivable" skill, which is why he immediately plays against Inigo's ego by drawing his sword left-handed behind his back, while panting.

Inigo sees this and thinks he's going to get to fight a left-handed fighter, and wants him to be as rested as possible.

Wesley then endears himself to Inigo, treating his opponent with respect and bringing his would-be assassin to the point of actually having him say, "You seem a decent fellow I hate to kill you."

Which is leagues beyond the level of affection he had for him just 5 minutes prior.

He then proceeds to tucker him out, and uses his terrain to his advantage, forcing Inigo to fight in a more constrained close-quarters manner, instead of out in the open where he would have had the clear upper hand.

He indulged him in fighting left-handed because he wanted to encourage a protracted duel, knowing that even though that was Inigo's goal, it was also his weakest point, because a swordsman of that level of skill hasn't likely, for many years, actually had a protracted duel.

He then begins to banter about swordsmanship with him, which, in my opinion, was simply to confuse Inigo about what was going through Westley's mind, and how he was controlling the situation. (Remember, Westley wins all three of his duels with Inigo, Fezzik, and Vizzini by using his mind. Utilizing their assumptions about him against them)

It isn't until he clearly has the upper hand, and Inigo is exhausted, swinging with both hands on his sword, that he engages in his final tactic: distracting him by flicking his hair out of his face with his sword. A move that he knows Inigo is going to respond to no matter what, as evidenced by the two blade marks on either side of his face.

Westley meant what he said when he stated he would rather destroy a stained glass window than an artist like Inigo, as he recognized Inigo's skill wholly and without mistake.

Inigo was, and is, a better swordsman than Westley, he just wasn't even half the tactician.

source: Facebook group "The Princess Bride: Inconceivableposting" by Ian Patrick Pearce.

[fiddleabout]

Weiss dual wielding headcanons?

first and most deeply important: weiss has always been able to dual wield.  she’s ambidextrous and she learned a lot of her fighting style from winter.  there is absolutely unequivocally no way that she’s not exactly as capable of fighting with two weapons as winter is.

she just chose to stay with one, because in many ways weiss is the beating heart of a combat team: she fights from a distance most often, manipulating the battlefield to favor her side and using her semblance to support her teammates.  dual wielding isn’t helpful when such a significant chunk of her fighting style is from a distance, using her weapon more as a focal point for glyphs than as a sword.  like, yes, she does get up close and personal in fights, but she also does so by most often using glyphs to pinball herself around them so quickly they can’t defend against her.  she uses glyphs a lot, and having a free hand to manipulate them in creative ways is a necessity in a way that winter’s style-- which uses them much less frequently, even now-- doesn’t allow for.

that being said, some completely unnecessary headcanons that may or may not be exactly what you’re looking for:

weiss realized she was ambidextrous when she was six years old

she got the better of her fencing instructor by switching hands in the middle of a training bout

she was only able to do that exactly one time

totally worth it

she cycled through a LOT of iterations of her weapon before she landed on the one she has:

first she just had two separate swords, not like winter’s

then she had a nesting combination like winter’s

at one point she had an actual firearm in the hilt but she didn’t use it enough compared to glyphs for it to be worth the extra weight

she settled on the final form that she brings to beacon much later than a lot of aspiring huntresses because she kept going back to a nesting model similar to winter’s and that really didn’t support the dust chambers

the final tipping point on that decision was winter made some offhand comment about not using dust because she doesn’t like being associated with their family name and weiss my-father-won’t-be-the-end-of-our-name schnee decided to go full schnee

he doesn’t get to take dust away from her

she favors her left hand specifically because she learned classic fencing first and being left handed always gave her an advantage

in a swords-only, no semblance, no dust bout against winter, she wins 3 out of 5 because winter uses her offhand constantly but it’s still her off hand and ambidextrous weiss doesn’t have an off hand

winter has never acknowledged this and never will

the fight at the end of v8 was the first time she’d had to dual wield in years and she’d never realized how the scar tissue leftover from getting impaled at haven had never needed to stretch to accommodate a weapon in her right hand and it hurt

where winter’s offhand sword is smaller and lighter than her primary, weiss does better with a heavier offhand weapon

she rarely uses her offhand to attack in close quarters like an actual sword

she mostly uses it for defense and, sometimes, sheer brute force

see: her deadass punting neo approx ten meters into a portal with the staff in her right hand

but it’s rarely used for finesse, not because she can’t, but because she likes to use it to create distance because at distance is where she’s at her best

despite being perfectly capable at dual wielding she still prefers to stick with just the one weapon

again: distance

again: battlefield control

again: expansive use of glyphs and dust

one day she’s going to pull an inigo-montoya-and-westley-on-the-cliffs on someone and switch from fighting with her right hand to her left just to show them the fuck up

i’m willing it into existence

no one will take this from me

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

Zombie Girl

Steve Rogers x Reader, Halloween AU

Warning: cursing

A/N: This is an art swap for @gaphra​

Summary: Steve goes to a Halloween party & meets a zombie girl.

The streets were lined with trick or treaters; kids with their parents, teenagers with friends and young adults half-assed dressed up in costumes, no doubt on their way to a party. He felt a little judgmental considering he was in fact doing the same- including the half-assed costume. His friends Natasha and Bucky were throwing a Halloween party at their new place and insisted that he come dressed up. Not one to really dress up, he usually spent Halloween on the couch watching episodes of the Twilight zone. He went to all the specialty stores around the city. With no luck, he searched in his closet and came up with the perfect costume - Mr. Rogers. It was easy, some nice pair of khakis and an oversized comfy green sweater. Admittedly, he looked like a father of two but at least he had a costume on. 

When he got to the correct street, it didn’t take long to find out which house belonged to his pals; music was blaring from an open window and the front door was slightly ajar. Walking up the stoop, he let himself in and noticed right away how crowded the place was. He didn’t even realize Bucky and Nat knew this many people but he saw a few familiar places from the office. Immediately, Steve ventured over to say hello, greeting a few friends before finally running into Bucky. His best friend was dressed like Westley from Princess Bride, all smiles as he hugged Steve, asking him where his costume was.

“I’m wearing it, I’m Mr. Rogers,” he explained much to his friend’s dismay. 

“At least you tried.”

Steve laughed at Bucky’s blatant disapproval and asked if he could get a beer. The two men made their way to the back of the kitchen, Steve immediately noticed the blond at the kitchen island refilling a bowl of chips. It seemed the his friends had opted for a couple’s costume because Natasha was dressed as Buttercup - long wing and all. She smiled at first but once she was able to get a good look at Steve, her face fell. 

“It’s a costume party, Steven.”

“He’s Mr. Rogers,” Bucky rolled his eyes and made his way to his girlfriend, kissing her on the head before taking over chip duty. “Where’s Y/N? I wanna introduce Steve to her.”

Steve inhaled deeply and tried to manage a smile - yet another woman Bucky wanted him to meet, he knew it was coming from a place of love but he was getting tired of it. None of the women he met so far clicked with him; they were all lovely but there wasn’t a spark. Call him old fashioned but there was something about having a connection that attracted him the most. 

“Last time I saw her, she was scaring children in the back alley with Clint,” she grinned, pointing to a bowl of candy near the chips. “I think they need a refill, been out there most of the night.”

This made Steve laugh, feeling a little intrigued he followed Bucky through the house out to the backyard. The backyard had a back fence that led to the alley, where a handful of trick or treaters were passing by. Steve walked with the bowl of candy next to Bucky, the fence was open and Clint leaned up against it. 

“Barton, yo guys done scaring kids?”

Clint, who Steve knew through Nat, looked up and grinned. “I’m not doing any of the scaring.”

Steve and Clint, who was dressed up as Han Solo, greeted each other with pats on the shoulder. “Nat said you might need more candy.”

“Oh, good. I’ve been giving too much away,” Clint admitted, nodding over to his left. Steve peeked out passed the gate and saw a shadowy figure hunched behind Bucky’s car in the back driveway. “She’s really enjoying the whole scaring bit, I’m surprised you haven’t heard the screams from the house.”

Steve narrowed his eyes, trying to get a look at the figure but a group of trick or treaters came marching down the alley and Clint straightened up and laughed. “Watch this shit.”

Bucky leaned forward to get a look as the group came closer to the car, the three men attempted to look nonchalant as the group approached the house. All three of them  waited in anticipation, closer and closer the group got and when they were right in front of the car, the figure stepped out and shouted. The kids screamed and raced forward as their parents laughed, shouting for them to slow down. Steve immediately stepped forward and beckoned them over to get candy; the children were breathless but most were laughing as they thanked him for the treat. 

He wished them a goodnight, nodding to their parents as the notorious tricker showed their face. You rushed over to the three men, Steve could see why the kids were scared. You were dressed in a pink pj set with a dirty robe and white bunny slippers; you were carrying a stuffed bear, a blond wig on top of your head and the most detailed and terrifying zombie makeup around your mouth. Under the moonlight, it looked like your skin was ripped from your mouth area and the smile on your face made it more unsettling.

“I think I need a beer,” you declared, plucking a candy from the bowl Steve was holding. 

“So you’re done terrorizing the children for the night?”

You glanced over at Bucky as you popped the bite size candy in your mouth and shrugged. “For now, my vocal chords need a break.”

“For what it’s worth, you do look pretty scary,” Steve insisted. Turning your attention to him, you eyed his costume and frowned a little. Sensing your confusion, he scratched the back of his head and explained who he was. “Well, I guess I’d be the other Mr., Rogers.”

Your brows furrowed and Bucky laughed. “Sorry, Steve this is Y/N, Y/N’s known Nat since childhood.”

Steve held out his hand and you took it, giving it a rough shake. “Steve Rogers? I guess I can understand the costume now.”

He smiled. “And you’re a zombie.”

“I’m the zombie child from Walking Dead, first episode.”

“That's oddly specific,” he teased and you grinned, watching as Bucky whistled for Clint to follow him back to the house. Steve glanced as the pair started to walk away but turned back to you.

“Well, it would make sense if I had someone dressed as Rick Grimes with me but we can’t always get what we want,” you shrugged, snatching another candy from the bowl. “It’s still better than coming to a Halloween party dressed like the nicest guy to ever exist. No offense, of course.”

Steve blushed, eyes trying their best to not look away. It was odd because even underneath the zombie make up and bloodied clothes, he could see your smile and the relaxation in your eyes. He held out the bowl and offered you more candy, but when you reached for it, he quickly snatched it away. “You know what you have to say.”

Your eyes narrowed but your mouth turned up a wide smile, rolling your eyes in false annoyance you shouted, “Trick or treat!”

Voice booming loud, Steve couldn’t help but laugh and offer up the entire bowl. “I think you deserve it.”

Grabbing it, you started to walk off towards the house, grinning to yourself when you heard Steve shuffling behind to catch up. He quickly caught up to you and asked if you wanted a beer. “I hardly know anyone in there…”

“You know me now.”

Walking up the steps back to the house, Steve opened the door for you but you stopped and gave him a once over. His blue eyes stared back, anticipating what you were going to say next; feeling his heart beating a little faster than usual. Huh, he thought to himself as you smiled at him, I never thought I’d have chemistry with a zombie girl. 

“You know, you’d make a great Rick Grimes,” you said as you walked past him back into the house. “Just saying…”

Unable to control the muscles on his face, Steve looked down to the floor and smiled before looking back up to where you stood, waiting for him. He had to admit, you looked terrifyingly cute in your costume and while he was curious to see how you looked without the makeup, the connection he felt with you was enough. Even if it was merely a ten minute interaction, he felt a spark - something he hadn’t felt with another person in a long time, and he was not going to miss out. “You think so?” 

Nodding, you asked him about the beer. “We can drink in the corner and judge everyone’s costume, someone has to have a lamer costume than you.”

Laughing, Steve gave you a smile that had your zombie heart beating again. “Sounds great.”

[2manyfandoms2count]

#LadynoirJuly Days 4 and 5

To avoid being too late on the prompts, I’m just going to combine some of them from now on! Hope the banter is satisfactory, I wasn’t quite sure I was doing it right... Enjoy! xxx

@ladynoirjuly2020

Read the previous entries: Day 1, Day 2, Day 3

---

Days 4 and 5: Disguises and Banter

Ladybug waited outside the hospital, comfortably swaying in her long red and black dress. She was pretty satisfied with the design; she thought she’d nailed the elaborate XVIIIth century style, complete with small train, frills, ribbons and slightly puffy sleeves. The rich damask cloth, combined with the petticoat, kept her warm in the crisp October night air. It was going to be a cold winter.

Shrill sirens echoed from nearby streets, bringing her back to the matter at hand. She tried to ignore their meaning as she checked her Miracuphone for a sign of her partner. Out of all the days he could've chosen to be late, this one was possibly the worst. The children in the hospital weren't expecting the two Paris Heroes (they'd made sure to keep their visit under wraps to surprise them), but they were definitely waiting for their Halloween treats. And she wasn't going to disappoint them on that front.

As she was about to head inside, anxious to get to her mission, Chat Noir casually walked around the corner. In the semi-darkness of the street, she thought at first that he hadn't dressed up, but then she noticed his bandana and his large black shirt, taken in at the waist by his belt, from which his baton hung like a sword. 

"'Evening, m'lady." He bowed as he approached. "Your nickname is particularly fitting tonight, may I presume I was a source of inspiration?" He quipped as he took in the majesty of her dress. As a designer's son, he could appreciate how much work must have gone into the gown, not to mention its accompanying feathered hairdo.

"Don't worry, they're not real. Wouldn’t want you to sneeze all over a bunch of kids, would we Chaton?" She smirked as she caught him looking apprehensively at her hair accessories. "Also, I like your costume, Westley, but couldn't you have gone for something a little more… original?" She asked. Not that it wasn't a good costume; she did very much like the Princess Bride and its hero. She also appreciated how handsome her partner looked with a more rugged look.

"Sorry, Bugaboo, it's been a busy week." He shrugged apologetically. "Also, I thought we were making our own costumes, sans the help of actual designers. I would've asked Marinette too, otherwise." He said pointedly, indicating the designer's embroidered logo at the bottom of the skirt. 

Ladybug swore internally, while noting how much her partner paid attention to detail. She'd absentmindedly signed her work on her sketch, and forgotten to remove the gold stitching when she made it. She'd realised it a minute before leaving, and had counted on its discretion rather than risking being late. Oh well, as long as Chat believed she'd hired Marinette…

Chat continued his rant. "Plus you have it easy, as a woman. You can just slip on a dress to cover your costume! How am I supposed to cover all this leather, even a kilt wouldn't do." He pouted.

"What about a cape?" She winked at him as she slung her arm in his, directing him towards the hospital entrance.

"But Edna said no capes!" He gasped as they walked in, enjoying their proximity and giddy at the thought that she'd initiated it, for once. 

She rolled her eyes and shook her head in response, the small smile tugging at her lips giving her amusement away. 

She reluctantly (because it was slightly cold in the hall, of course) let go of Chat's arm as they approached the main desk and greeted the receptionist. Although the latter tried to keep a straight face, she could tell he was torn between surprise, internal fangirling (she wondered if there was a more gender neutral term for it) and a detached attitude. 

"Good evening sir," she smiled warmly. "I believe you have something for us." She looked behind him and pointed at the large hand trolley, on which were piled Tom and Sabine cake boxes. It wasn’t necessarily very traditional for Halloween, but then again, it wasn’t a very celebrated holiday in France, and she doubted the children had access to pastries very often.

It had been weird casually striding into her parents’ bakery as Ladybug and pretending to not know very much about their products, when she knew exactly what she wanted. She’d ordered enough to cover the sugar needs of all the Paris hospitals, complete with diet restrictions, so when Sabine had told her the order was on the house, she’d almost slammed all her money in the tip jar anyway. The way her Mum had looked at her then reminded her of when she talked back sometimes, and she knew better than to open that door. She had respectfully backed down on the payment front, but had been particularly zealous in the kitchen as Marinette to compensate. Marinette had also insisted on delivering the order straight to the hospital earlier in the afternoon, despite her parents’ reservations at the idea. It was the least she could do. 

“Oh yes, of course! Let me bring it out for you.” The lad almost tripped as he stood up, but thankfully didn’t crash on the trolley. That would have been awkward. As he wheeled out the bounty, Ladybug noticed how hungry Chat’s eyes looked as he followed the movement of the food. She smiled lovingly and leaned towards his ear. 

“Don’t worry, I saved you some.” She whispered, and he shuddered in delight at the thought of Tom and Sabine’s passionfruit macarons, chouquettes and croissants. 

“You sure know how to get to a man’s heart, m’lady.”

“By getting to his stomach first?” She asked cheekily.

They were interrupted by the receptionist clearing his throat, uncomfortably wringing his hands as he waited by the lift with the goods. Ladybug jumped away from her partner and made her way towards him, Chat hot on her heels.

“Thank you so much…” She trailed, waiting for the man to give his name.

“Patrick.” He completed, grinning. Ladybug knew his name, now. 

“Thank you, Patrick.” She smiled.

The heroes took their leave and ascended to the children’s ward. When the lift doors opened, they were greeted by a group of pirates, princes, princesses, witches, wizards, and even Miraculous impersonators, little treat bags at the ready as they waited with nurses in what Ladybug assumed was the ward’s lounge. The kids gasped and cheered as they walked out.

“Trick or treat!” Chat called out, earning himself a round of giddy laughter. Giving each other an understood glance, Chat and Ladybug separated into the small crowd, each going to one side of the room.

“You look like a princess!” A little Rena Rouge fan in an arm cast squeaked as Ladybug approached her.

“Thank you, Rena! But what happened to your arm? How will we fight the Akuma without your help?” Ladybug asked with her best shocked expression.

The little girl giggled in response, which made Marinette smile. She gave her some pastries “to help her recover quickly”, and went to join Chat. Her partner was having a pretend sword fight with a pirate. He was surprisingly good with children, she noticed. And he looked great laughing as he parried an attack. Did he fence, like Adrien? Maybe she could ask him to give her lessons. Not to spend more time with him, and definitely not to see him in a fencing uniform, which she had to admit would be particularly fitting on his muscled figure. It could just… prove to be handy if they ever swapped Miraculouses again.

She felt a small tug at her skirt, originating from the hand of a ten year-old boy wearing a Ladybug costume, sitting in a wheelchair.

“Hello there, Bugaboy!” She squatted down to be at eye level with him, her skirt sprawling out in a corolla at her feet. Some children bent down to touch the elaborate fabric. “What’s your name?”

“I can’t reveal my identity, or the Guardian will take my Miraculous away.” The boy grinned as she handed him a macaron.

“And you dare tell me you don’t say it that often.” Chat leaned on the back of a nearby chair, smirking. “Well done young man, you’ve done your research.” He winked at the kid.

Ladybug shook her head, refraining from saying that he was the one preventing them from knowing who was behind the mask now. She couldn’t say it out loud, there was some press around to record their visit, and even when they did sit down and talk about their identities, it would be best if the general public was kept in the dark about that knowledge for as long as possible.

“I want to be Ladybug when I grow up.” Mini Bug said proudly. 

“You’d put me out of a job?” Ladybug said with a fake pained expression.

“Not if you don’t want to!” The boy’s eyes went wide at the thought he might have offended his favourite superhero. “I just assumed you’d want to rest in the future. It must be very tiring to battle against Hawkmoth all the time.”

“He’s got a point there, Bugaboo.” Chat acquiesced. “She won’t listen to me when I tell her she also deserves some time off.” He fake whispered in the boy’s direction.

“That’s because you always want it to be time off for you too!” She scoffed. “You’re always inviting me for ice creams or movie dates at the same time, how am I to relax knowing nobody competent is watching over the city?”

Chat’s heart sung at the compliment. “If that’s the only thing keeping you from going out with me, I’m sure I can find a solution, m’lady. You know, Rena and Carapace would certainly do a grand job.” He tried to keep a detached demeanor, but knowing he was so close to her accepting to go on a date with him was making his heart go haywire. 

She pouted pensively, twirling a strand of hair that had fallen out of her hairdo, then shrugged. “As you wish, farmboy.” 

Her heart skipped a beat as she waited for his answer. It felt like time had slowed. Was this too soon? “Kelly” had only been out of the picture for about a month now. Was it enough time to get over someone?

A stolen glance at him answered her question. Looking at him, she could tell Chat was repressing a smile. His eyes twinkled as he looked at her like protagonists look at each other in romantic comedies. The way everyone should be looked at at least once in their life. He gave a nod in the direction of the room, reminding her they were not alone. She nodded back, their brief exchange imperceptible for common mortals.

If the warm hug and lingering kiss he left on her cheek as they parted after remaining a little longer with the kids were any indication, she knew she’d said the right thing. Although it could have also been credited to the bag of pastries she’d handed him a minute before.

[flamelordytheking]

Hime-sama and Ouji-sama

“Have no fear, Hime-sama, for I have come to rescue you from the foul clutches of the Oni!” Marinette said, holding a wooden sword aloft as she read from the play in her other hand, voice ringing with determination.

“She really is amazing isn’t she?” Adrien sighed as he watched her practice. She was auditioning for a play, at a local theater, after Adrien and Kagami had asked her to join them. They were doing a stage adaptation of “The Princess Bride”, and he knew that Kagami was eager for a taste of stage combat.

“She is.” His fencing partner was hypnotized by Marinette’s movements, as she always did when Mari got passionate like she was now. Adrien was no better really, gazing upon her fondly, his eyes lingering on every wrinkle of concentration that crossed her face. She’s beautiful, he thought, and wrapped his arm around the equally beautiful girl at his side, pulling her close so that they could watch their girlfriend practice.

They remained like that for a while, lost in the

“If You’re going to be the prince, and Marinette is going to be Westley, am I going to be playing Buttercup?”

Kagami’s question was so sudden that it caused Marinette to trip over the box she had been practicing with, stumbling to save herself from falling. “Um-I uh, That’s a great question Kagami!” Marinette said as she recovered, grinning away her friends' concerned looks.

“Who are you trying out for?”

“I haven’t decided,” Kagami said, lowering her gaze to where her hands lay on her lap. “None of the roles feel quite right to me, and as this is my first time in a play, I do not wish to embarrass myself in a role that would defy my current skill.”

“Then you try out for the ensemble,” Marinette said, recapturing the attention of the other two people in the room. “Nothing says that you have to even be in a speaking role,” the designer crossed the room and lightly grasped her girlfriend’s shoulder, “I’ve been doing plays on and off for most of my life, and Adrien has professional acting credit behind him. It’s okay to start small.”

“From the day I could walk I knew that I would be a fencer,” Kagami says, still looking reserved and sad, “For so long I let that become who I was that I don’t truly know who I am outside of it. Thank you for giving me this chance to discover who I am.”

[washedupfae]

Monsters as characters from fairy tales?

UT! Papyrus: Sweep in, save the day Prince Charming. Sure he may not notice the back ground, cutesy animal side kicks actually doing the brunt of the hard work, such as a foe he didn’t happen to notice or a trap, as he boldly storms the castle.. But his soul is in the right place, so how can he lose?! Also could end up the tragic hero.

UT! Sans: This guy, THIS GUY.. he is the smart mouthed unlikely hero. Slothful until the last moment, guy has some serious four wall breaking skills as well. Usually found in comedies.... or the long suffering side kick to the prince charming.

US! Papyrus: Here we find the sort of character such as Westley from The Princess Bride. He would be happy enough just having a normal life, but is a wee bitch tricky, has a smart mouth, and loyal AF. He isn’t above lying to get past a foe either.

US!Sans : Though he would LOVE to be prince charming, Blue is more of.. I would say the bard of the story. Bubbly, full of energy, and happy to tell you exactly what went down. If he actually is involved, it is more or less one of those stories told from the inner monologue of the main character. He tries his best, but can end up a tragic story, to inspire another to accomplish great things, or defeat an ‘indestructible’ foe. Or he could be cast as the hopeless romantic Shepard boy in love with the noble’s daughter/son.

HT! Papyrus/Sugar version: He does not save the princess, HE IS THE PRINCESS. A magical princess, heck make him a magical girl if you want, but for some reason, he has been outsmarted, tricked, or trapped and needs assistance.

HT! Papyrus/Crooks version: The misunderstood monster. Legends spring up around him, the great beast in the woods, but he isn’t as scary as others let on.. sure he has killed to survive, but he was hungry or hurt! He would rather spend his time roaming his territory, admiring the beauty of the forest, rather then attacking travelers.

HT! Sans: The hunter. The hunter in Snow White is a good example. He will kill, he will easily kill.. but if you are pure of heart (and his loved ones not starving) you might be lucky enough to be released.. if this happens, you better believe he is watching out for you now. He doesn’t show mercy easily.

MT(MafiaTale)! Papyrus: The town tax collector with a heart of gold. Sure he has a job most people hate, but he does not abuse his power. Often times you can find adventuring quests from him, if the quest ends up helping his town of course.

MT!Sans: Leader of a band of cut throats and highway men, but with honor. Robin Hood in a sense, but he is out for his own of course. Whatever lead him to a life of crime, he is using it to stick it to his enemies. Light hearted most of the time, but will slice your throat if he has to. Good monster to befriend, Better not to piss off.

MF(Mafia Fell)! Papyrus: Once a great captain, a ‘man’ of the sea, his kingdom turned their back on him, now he has turned to piracy. There is a moral compass there, but it is pretty dusty and cracked. Your most likely to rescue a princess/prince or defeat a vicious foe, if it brings him some glory or coin. Will keep the princess/prince however, if  they are entertaining enough, and will toughen them up. Does not permit drinking in excess nor gambling among his crew.

MF! Sans: Scoundrel, pure out and simple. Need a noble poisoned? He knows a guy. Need the neighboring farmer to stop tearing down your fence to let his live stock feed on the greener grass? He has you covered. Always for the right price however. Skilled with subtly, slight of hand, and disguise.. this guy can slip through a city nearly undetected.. his weakness? Gambling, a pretty face, and drinking.. Much to his brother’s chagrin.

UF! Papyrus: Not the white knight, no.. he gave that role up years ago. He is your anti-hero, the black knight. Head strong and ready for a challenge, the path of the self righteous hero was dull, unrewarding, or perhaps he was betrayed?

UF! Sans: The information guy, a thief who has blackmail on many but known by few. Could easily run a thieves guild if he gave a damn. He may at one time have been a brave and proud adventuring, can you pry his back story out of him? No.. not easily at least.

SF/FS! Papyrus: Deadly is the best word for this guy. He most likely is the number one lackey for the villain of the story, why? Pay is good or maybe he owes some life debt. Doesn’t care about much anymore, another day another step closure to death. Can be redeemed.

SF/FS! Sans: The villain, or leader of the villain’s army with plans to over throw the villain. Not so easily redeemed but does have some sense of honor, mostly on the battle field, best him in single hand combat and he might listen to you.

OT! Papyrus: A powerful yet.. unskilled mage. Very flashy and very kind. A common sight at the local pub, but he rarely imbibes. He enjoys the atmosphere on happier days, the stories adventurers carry, and if it is a gloomy day, he will do his best to lift the spirits of those around him. Might become an unlikely hero.

OT! Sans: A very skilled mage who has taken to become a hermit. He wants to be left alone. He will however, not turn you away if you stumble upon his cabin, lost, hurt, starving, or in search of information. He has little time for idiots, but he will entertain you for an evening with magic based puns and humors, and then kick you out the next day. A possible quest giver.

SS(Storyshift)! Papyrus: The broken hearted noble or royal. He has abandoned his title, be it from losing it to a foe, or betrayal. Hiding away, he might be found in a village, far from his kingdom, humbled and living a simple life under a new name. Ready to help those in need, there is something heavy weighing over his head.

SS! Sans: The world weighs down on this King/Noble. He has to make the hard decisions. He may or may not be hated for his decrees, but only does what he thinks is fair and just for his people. Alone due to the loss of his Queen through illness or perhaps assassination from a rival, he keeps his soul closely guarded.. if he never opens up, then he can not be hurt again. His people need him. The sort of fairy tale king to send his child away, with the best intentions at heart, trying to escape a prophecy, only to discover later on that the promise of woe can not be escaped. He will look into every possible answer to save others if he can.

Did I miss anyone? Might do this for other monsters later on, had planned to but kinda hit the skeleton train on this one.

[nottodaylogic]

Insert Cool Demigod AU Title—Chapter 3

Summary: People get claimed. People are gay. There are sword fights that are more nerdy than possible to describe in a summary. The action finally gets started, kind of. It’s kind of montage-y. I just really wanted to get this chapter out as soon as possible.

Word count: 1641 words I think?

Pairings: Platonic LAMP, romantic Logicality and Prinxiety (eventually)

Warnings: Sword fights, intense nerdiness, pining, the mortal disease of Gay, the Princess Bride

A/N: OKAY NOW WE CAN GET THINGS STARTED! ...in the next chapter. I’m tired and this chapter feels complete-ish. Also I totally haven’t memorized the entirety of the Princess Bride, noooooo! ANYWAYS, this is based off of @becca-becky ‘s Demigod AU, go give ‘em some love! I have nothing else to say, enjoy!

“The Hulk is THE strongest person! How could he not take care of some bees?!”

“Is his skin vulnerable to bee stings?”

“I DON’T KNOW?!”

“Now now, tiny little hedgehogs, no need to fight.”

“We are not fighting, we are debating. There is a difference.”

“...tiny little hedgehogs?”

“Make like a ball of spikes and roll with it, Virgil.”

Said boy rolled his eyes at Roman’s words. Two weeks had passed by fast, and Virgil found himself denying attachments to his three companions more than expected. They had grown on him. Like toe fungus or strangling creeper vines.

“Bees are faster than the Hulk,” continued Logan, “and numerous as well. They can swarm around him and make him tired."

"But even if bee stings can penetrate his skin, an annoyed Hulk is an angry Hulk is a strong Hulk is a smash Hulk!" Roman slammed his fists on the table in emphasis. "SMASH!"

"But the bees can scatter before the Hulk smashes them! Fast!" Logan seemed very passionate about the bees.

"What do you think, Virgil?" Patton asked. He started a little at having to give an opinion, but after a moment of thought, spoke:

"Well, the bees might be fast, but they aren't as strong as the Hulk. Also, don't they die after stinging? He can just clap his hands and boom, dead bees."

Roman pumped his fists in the air, shouting a victorious cheer as Logan delivered a convincing counterargument, scowling. Who-even-knows children, honestly.

That insult wasn’t really effective when they hadn't been claimed yet.

"CAN YOU QUIET IT DOWN OVER THERE?!" A random camper yelled. "WE'RE TRYING TO ROAST MARSHMALLOWS!"

"Jeez, that guy is not a--"

"NO--"

"Happy camper!" Patton grinned as Logan groaned into his hands.

"Why do I even try? That wasn’t even a pun!”

"SSSHHHHH!"

The other campers resumed their marshmallow roasting. There was singing of campfire songs about grandmothers putting on armor. All was peaceful. Everything was good. It was all well.

Roman leaned over and stage-whispered: “Hulk has bee-proof skin.”

That started the argument all over again.

They kept at it for quite a while, the darkness comforting, the magical fire roaring, debating Avengers vs. insects. Bees were insects, were they? Virgil didn’t know these things. He wasn’t Logan.

A glowing brown sheath of wheat materialized over Patton's head. He didn't notice. No one did.

Except Virgil.

“Hey, Patton, maybe look up?” He said, trying to silently send the message of  ‘LOOK AT THE MAGICAL WHEAT ABOVE YOUR HEAD!’.

He failed.

"Did someone say puppy?!" Patton was frantically searching for a small dog. "WHERE WHERE WHERE?????"

"No, LOOK!" Patton finally got the hint and looked up. His eyes widened.

"WHAT." He swatted at it, trying to get it to disappear. People were finally beginning to notice (because a radiant brown sign above people’s heads isn’t the most subtle thing ever), and were whispering.

Virgil suddenly got a sinking feeling that Patton was not the only one to be claimed tonight, and his head slowly swiveled to look at Logan.

A blue owl was shining above Logan's head, and all he could do was stare.

"What..."

"AAAAA I'M GLOWING PINK?????"

Roman was now decked from head to toe in a pink glowing aura. There was a rose-colored dove above his head, but of course, Aphrodite was a freaking meanie and just had to change his clothes too.

Roman’s clothes had changed into an Ancient Greek dress (because he looked magnificent in any clothes, no matter the gender). His makeup was done, and though Virgil knew nothing about makeup (like he knew nothing about worrying, honestly, stop lying already!) he knew Roman looked...

"Stunning..." he muttered. He might have been blushing, but no one could prove it. He had white foundation and a pale complexion working for him. Roman was, indeed, utterly and completely beautiful.

Virgil was freaking gay.

Well.

Time to die now.

Everyone else got to their knees, including Chiron, and Virgil was quick to follow. Logan, Patton, and Roman were the only ones left standing.

"All hail, Patton Morobus, son of Demeter, goddess of harvest. Logan Teach, son of Athena, goddess of Wisdom. Roman Royaume, son of Aphrodite, goddess of love."

Of course, the claiming didn’t dissuade them from returning to the truly important topic at hand.

“Hulk!”

“Bees!”

“Oh my gods.”

———

Many weeks after Virgil’s he-stopped-counting-long-ago gay awakening (Team Hulk totally won the debate, by the way, but don’t tell Logan), the four were training. Logan had acquired a sword, Patton had been granted a magical trowel that turned into a spear, and Roman… well, Roman was an indecisive little—

“WATCH OUT!”

A flying spear shot last Virgil, narrowly missing his hoodie. Which he wore. In the middle of summer. Yes.

“SORRY!” Patton ran past him to retrieve his spear, which had missed the target by miles.

“It’s fine, I didn’t need my head anyways,” Virgil replied weakly.

“Why are you even throwing that so close to people?” Logan asked, adjusting his glasses. “You could hit someone.”

"I'm hunting, Lo!" Patton grinned in that special special way that meant a pun was coming.

"Don't you dare--"

"I'm on the trowel!"

Logan groaned. "You ruined it. You ruined the moment. You ruined me. Why."

"Love you too Lo!"

Logan choked on air, sputtering. Virgil grinned evilly, grabbing his dark angsty skull staff from the ground.

“You know you walked right into that.”

“No? I didn’t?” Logan sighed. “Hey, where the heck is Roman?”

“Who knows.”

Speak of the beauty child, Roman walked around the corner, tiara on his head, in his hand was a—

“Is that a samurai sword?!”

Roman hefted it up. “Why yes it is, Anthony Lockbrood.”

“...how did you manage to get worse with your nicknames?!”

“Who knows? Not I, not I.”

“...you’re the one creating them,” Virgil pointed out.

Logan let out an exasperated noise. “Oh my gosh can you just train?!”

“Sorry Lo.”

“Sorry Lo.”

They headed to a different part of the arena, leaving Patton and Logan to flirt in peace.

“So,” said Roman, handing Virgil a sword. “Shall we begin?”

“We shall.”

—

Patton was swinging around the spear, clearly with no idea what he was doing. He looked adorable doing it, of course, anything he did was adorable, but he was obviously clueless. Logan walked over to help him in order to attempt to silence his feelings. He failed.

“Do you wish for assistance?” Patton started, dropping his spear. He retrieved it, blushing.

“If you could help, that’d be swell!”

Logan quirked a brow at his word choice. “Swell?”

“It just came to mind!”

“Okay then.” Logan walked over to Patton, and grabbed hold of his hands. Patton flushed harder, and it was all Logan could do to keep from doing the same.

“What are you doing, Lo?” Patton asked, Logan’s hands covering his on the spear.

“I—you need to adjust your grip slightly.” Logan moved Patton’s hands on the spear so they were in the right position. He kept his hands there far longer than was strictly necessary, but neither said a word. They were too busy yelling in their thoughts. Two awkward gays.

Their eyes met.

Logan suddenly realized what he was doing, and pulled away, putting precious, regrettably precious distance between them.

“I—um—you—your strikes should be better now,” he stammered, trying to play it cool. He failed. Miserably.

“Okay.” Patton was blushing still, his adorable turquoise eyes shining. “Thank you, Logan.”

“I—you’re welcome.”

Logan was gay.

Really gay.

After a few more minutes of torture, the pair walked back to where they’d left Roman and Virgil, to find them reenacting the fight beside the Cliffs of Insanity. Roman had his sword up against Virgil’s practice one, and the latter was pressed up against the fence.

“You cannot tell because of my mask, but I am smiling,” said Virgil.

“And why is that?”

“I am not left-handed either!”

Virgil all but tossed the sword into his other hand, and they began (or perhaps continued) their duel. Their swords clashed as they fought.

Logan could only stare. Patton clapped and cheered for both of them. Neither of the duelers paid attention, entirely focused on their fight.

They kept quoting the Princess Bride at each other. They were both intense and complete nerds. This was saying something, coming from Logan. Finally, after many minutes of fighting, Roman was on his knees, and Virgil circled him like a herbivore circling a particularly nice patch of grass.

That simile did not work particularly well.

Eh.

“I would sooner kill Da Vinci than destroy an artist such as yourself,” Virgil was saying. Dang, he really knew this movie. Or book. It was both a movie and a book. Not enough people knew that. “However, since I can’t have you following me, blah blah get knocked out scrub.” He smacked Roman across the head with the butt of his sword.

Instead of falling gracefully, Roman yelled and clutched his head, rolling on the grass.

“Dude! That actually hurt!” He rubbed his head. “Why?!”

“You were the one who chose Inigo Montoya,” Virgil said.

“I only said the first line as Inigo! You were the one who didn’t let me switch!”

“Uhh, you should have chosen Westley, then.”

“But Inigo speaks first!”

“What is happening?” Logan said. They finally seemed to notice that Logan and Patton existed. Roman jumped to his feet as Virgil adjusted his hoodie (which was tied around his head like a mask).

“We were simply practicing our sword-fighting skills, that is all!” Roman declared.

“YOU WERE AWESOME!” Patton exclaimed. “I liked it when you went shoom, shoom, and when YOU were like, CHING CHING, and it was really great!”

No one knew how to respond to that.

Luckily, they didn’t have to, because in a case of extremely convenient timing, the dinner shell sounded.

TAGLIST:

@hamilin-manuel-miranda

@anony-phangirl

@llamaly

@katatles-the-fish

@221b-quote

@storytellerofuntoldlegends

@6tick6tock6

@jayzwonderland

@yay-im-fucking-trash

@notalwaysthevillian

@hi-disappointed-im-daughter

@exit-stage-left

@pathetical-errors

@heir-of-the-founders

@oneacearmy

@neonb-fly

@a-time-traveling-whovian

[distant-rose]

Hey Rose!!! You are probably tired of this question but is your amazing series Little Pirates returning? All of your writing is fantastic and I understand if you don’t want to continue writing. All the best, Anon

Hey Anon, thanks for dropping by. If I’m being honest, I feel more guilty than tired of this question mainly because I have intended to update Little Pirates but it’s kinda fallen to the wayside for other projects. I’ve been working on a selkie au for CSSNS called “Seal of Fate” as well as a baseball au “Playing Off Foul” and also a law school au “Establishing a Duty of Care” (I hope to drop this on in late August/September). So, Little Pirates has kinda been pushed to the side, mainly because of those other projects and also because I’m not sure how keen people would be of me posting noncanon Captain Swan children especially because there seems to be some individuals who are apparently enamored with Hope and have been giving Knight Rook people a hard time. They don’t deserve that. No one deserves that and I would rather not deal with the drama of “Why aren’t you writing Hope instead of your shitty OC characters.” I’m just not about that.

With that being said, I have five million things in my works in progress folder for Little Pirates that I was hoping to finish on a random rainy day or when I’m bored. And because you were so nice and polite, I’ll share a little 1K snippet on how the Joneses got their dog Black Spot.  It was meant to be a much bigger fic on how Wes found her and everyone loved her except Killian who didn’t want her and didn’t interact with her for a week or two before also falling in love with it.

Killian immediately knew something had happened when he came home to a quiet house. On a normal day, he would arrive home to a trope of children in his front yard horsing around and screaming at each other over this and that but today there was nothing. No boys wrestling on the yard. Not even Beth on the porch swing. It was more than a little unnerving and he placed his hand on the holster of his pistol as he walked through the front door, prepared for absolutely anything.None of his children were in the living room but there was some signs of recent habitation. Pillows and blankets were strewn across the floor alongside abandoned game controllers. Stray cheetos littered the couch and lay scattered across the floor but the worst of it was the more than dozen cups sitting on wooden surfaces with absolutely no coasters underneath them. He groaned, immediately gathering them in hopes of saving coffee table from permanent surface damage.His children were heathens.While picking up the half empty cups, he heard it. The faint sound of giggling coming from the kitchen. He straightened himself out, putting on his best disapproving dad face and strode into the kitchen with every intention on giving all three of his little pirates a lecture in picking up after themselves. However, this plan was immediately derailed.

“What the bloody hell is that?”

All three of his kids looked up at him with big smiles. Nestled in between them was something that most certainly had no business being in his house.“It’s a puppy, Daddy!” His five-year old daughter exclaimed happily. Indeed there was a small dog, perhaps no older than a couple months, sitting on his kitchen floor. Killian didn’t know much about dog breeds, but it looked very much like the black lab that belonged to the family that lived two houses down from them. Though judging by the size of its paws and the thickness of its fur, it was mixed with a much larger breed and would most certainly outgrow the neighbor’s dog. It was criminally cute and immediately alarms were going off in his head.Beth picked up the pitiful creature off the floor and lifted it up so he could get a better look at it. Her hold on the animal on was awkward, hands placed under it’s front legs. It let out a pitiful whine and scrambled to get footing before Harrison took pity on it and gently took it from her arms.“Hey! I wanted to hold it!” she whined, stomping her foot. “You were hurting it.”“Was not!”“Was too!”“Okay, stop!” Killian snapped, breaking up the squabble with a half-hearted glare. “And one of you tell me…why that…puppy…is in our house?”“I found it,” Wes explained, leaning over and scratching it behind the ears. “Someone had tied her up to the fence facing the woods at school…They just left her there…”“That doesn’t explain why it’s in our house, Westley.”“Because she needs a home…” “She may already have a home. You don’t know that. She could have been tied there for a reason and her owner is probably worried sick,” Killian responded in exasperation, placing the cups in the sink and running his hands through his hair.“She didn’t have a collar, Dad,” Harrison replied, placing his chin on top of the puppy’s head and looking up at him with the same sad expression. “Harrison…” Killian worried his hand over his jaw, feeling agitated. “She doesn’t belong here. She’s not ours.”“She could be.”“No.”“Why not?”“Because I said so!” “Because I said so is what adults say when they don’t have a good reason to be mean,” Wes grumbled, crossing his arms in front of his chest and doing a startling impression of his mother. “Oh I have more reasons than I could count,” he retorted, leaning back against the counter. “For one, who is going to take care of her? Your mom and I already have our hands full with you lot. She needs to be fed, bathed and walked. She’s cute now but she’s a responsibility.”“I’ll take care of her!” Wes replied petulantly, thumbing his chest in emphasis.Killian arched an eyebrow at him. “You can’t even remember to water the plants for a week when we put it on your chores list, how you are going to remember to take care of a dog?”“I’ll remember,” Harrison replied, looking up at his father with a determined expression. “I do his chores half the time anyway.”“You do not!”“I do too.” Harrison gave his brother a dark look. “Because you’re the biggest whiner when you can’t watch TV.”Wes looked ready to punch his brother in the face, standing up and shaking his fist. Harrison merely raised an eyebrow in response, a move that give Killian an eerie sense of deja vu. He intervened before fists could be thrown.“Look, I don’t care who does what chores. That’s not the discussion here,” Killian stated. “In fact, this isn’t even a discussion. I’m the captain of this ship and my word is final.”Both boys cut their eyes over to their sister. Killian followed their gaze. Beth’s lip was trembling and she looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “She has nowhere else to go, Daddy,” she whimpered.Tears dribbled down her cheeks and she hugged his leg tightly, looking up at him with a miserable expression that made him feel like the world’s biggest asshole. “We’ll talk to your mother when she gets home,” he sighed in resignation.His children cheered in response, whooping and yelling like Lost Boys on a hunt. Beth’s face went from tortured to smiling in seconds and she gave him a kiss just above his knee. “Thanks Daddy!”“Don’t thank me yet! There’s still your mother to contend with!”Much to his chagrin, Emma turned out to be even more enamored with the beast than their children; even allowing the dog sleep in their bed alongside them. By the end of the week, they have a collar and license for her and Black Spot Jones was officially a part of the family.

[danithebookaholic-blog]

A Book That was Made into a Movie

The Princess Bride: S. Morgenstern’s Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure

(The 30th Anniversary Edition)

by William Goldman

The Pinterest Reading Challenge this week is to read a book that was made into a movie. I have several books that were made into movies, anything from Harry Potter and The Hunger Games to Cloud Atlas and Pride and Prejudice. Actually, looking at my books shelves, it’s hard to find a book that hasn’t been made into a movie. They may not be good movies, nevertheless a movie. But I chose (for some strange reason) The Princess Bride.

Let me get out in the open early on that I hated this movie. I know, I know, I’ve heard it all before:

How on earth could I hate this movie?!

It was so good!

What’s wrong with me?

I can’t help it, I’ve never been a fan of this movie. I’m not one for stupid comedy, and that’s exactly what The Princess Bride (both movie and book) is all about.

So why on earth did I pick it up? Mostly to see if I could create a love for it to get you critics off my back! But also, to give it another chance because movies and TV shows are not always the best interpretations of books—look at the Twilight series, rather good books, but throw in some terrible acting and you either love it or hate it. (Yes, yes, let the hating commence here too.)

I have many friends who are huge fans of The Princess Bride movie, and when we would have discussions about it, none of them could really explain to me why they loved it so much. It was always broken sentences, like, “The action… and Westley, what happens to Westley… Oh and the scene in the Fire Swamp!.. How could you not root for true love?” I’m sorry, but that told me nothing, but thanks for trying!

Until one day my friend Lauren asked if I had read the book. Lauren is a huge fan of The Princess Bride. She and her boyfriend at the time would quote it, almost acting out the scenes for me to prove how wonderful it was (still wasn’t buying it, though I think they would have done much better jobs than the actors that were actually hired.) When she could tell that I still wasn’t impressed she asked me if I had read the book. I didn’t even know the book existed (this was in the very beginning of my library construction). “No,” I told her. “There’s a book?” “Go read the book, and then tell me if you still don’t like it. I think it’ll change your mind,” she responded.

Years later, perusing the isles of Barnes & Noble, this bright green cover stood out to me. Not usually the color you find in the fantasy section which is usually all black, deep blues and purples. And there it was, The Princess Bride. And so, I bought it.

I brought it home that day, and sat it on my book shelf (I was still reading something else at the time), and that’s where it sat. Three years and two moves later, this reading challenge came about and I decided it was time that I finally pick it up and really see what the hype is all about.

Some History:

According to Wikipedia (because this is a creditable source), “The Princess Bride is presented as Goldman’s abridgment of an older version by ‘S. Morgenstern,’ which was originally a satire of the excesses of European royalty. The book, in fact, is entirely Goldman’s work. Morgenstern and the ‘original version’ are fictional and used as a literary device.”

I put this direct quote from Wikipedia in here because the edition I read was the 30th Anniversary Edition with multiple introductions and history on “S. Morgenstern,” and had I not done a little more research I would still be believing that S. Morgenstern was a real person, and that Goldman abridged his book, like Goldman says multiple times. So, don’t be confused, like me.

Also, Florin is not a real country like you are led to believe while reading The Princess Bride. (I really feel like an idiot, because I really did think that it was one of those tiny countries that practically no one has ever heard of before.) Goldman in fact named both countries, Florin and Guilder, after ancient coins.

The Synopsis:

In a few words by William Goldman, The Princess Bride is: “Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Poison. True love. Hate. Revenge. Giants. Hunters. Bad men. Good men. Beautifulest ladies. Snakes. Spiders. Beasts of all natures and descriptions. Pain. Death. Brave men. Coward men. Strongest men. Chases. Escapes. Lies. Truths. Passion. Miracles.” 

The summary on the book cover actually tells the synopsis perfectly giving you all of the bits of info needed, but doesn’t give too much away (something that I don’t find true with most books) and so I’m going to directly quote it here, because if you have read and/or seen the movie, then this will just get you excited and will probably make you pick it up again, and if you haven’t read and/or seen the movie, this will make you want to do one and/or both of those without giving too much of it away:

“As Florin and Guilder teeter on the verge of war, the reluctant Princess Buttercup is devastated by the loss of her true love, kidnapped by a mercenary and his henchmen, rescued by a pirate, forced to marry Prince Humperdinck, and rescued once again by the very crew who absconded with her in the first place. In the course of this dazzling adventure, she’ll meet Vizzini—the criminal philosopher who’ll do anything for a bag of gold; Fezzik—the gentle giant; Inigo—the Spaniard whose steel thirsts for revenge; and Count Rugen—the evil mastermind behind it all. Foiling all their plans and jumping into their stories is Westley, Princess Buttercup’s one true love and very good friends of a very dangerous pirate.”

I don’t know about you, but that synopsis makes me want to pick the book back up and I just finished it! Whomever wrote it did a great job with catching the potential reader’s attention. Bravo! And to be honest, reading this synopsis is a big reason why I did decide to buy the book three years ago. I was so against it at one point that if I hadn’t read this synopsis I know I wouldn’t have brought it home.

The Review & Wrap-Up:

Here is a book that has a little bit of almost every fairy tale imaginable in it. There is royalty, bandits and pirates. Kidnapping and sword fights. Far off places like The Cliffs of Insanity and the Fire Swamp, as well as concepts of horror such as the Zoo of Death and Count Rugen’s life-sucking Machine. There is magic and people dying to only come back from death. Its Disney princess movies meets Peter Pan meets Stephen King, but in a funny sort of way… if that makes any sense.

As a whole, I did like The Princess Bride. While I still hate the movie, I think—now having read the book and re-watched the movie—that’s more because of some of the actors that were hired for the parts (a couple of the actors I just don’t like and I think they ruin just about anything they’re in because they annoy me that much.) I’m happy that I read the book and gave the story itself a second chance.

When I first did my research, and found out that the whole book—history and introductions as well as the story—were all fiction, I was rather upset with the whole idea. I must admit, I’m not one that likes practical jokes, especially when they’re played on me, and that’s exactly what Goldman did, and I fell for all of them. So, I’m a little bitter toward him in the respect that he got me, over and over. But after stepping away and taking some time to think and reflect on the whole thing I rather like it. Knowing that now, the story behind The Princess Bride makes even more sense, and it’s a story that I feel the movie was missing. I would recommend that the book be read to get the whole fictional story rather than watching the movie; it’s a different kind of experience. And when you do pick it up, make sure that you read all the introductions, because I almost skipped them when I saw how long and how many of them there were, and boy would that have been even more confusing!

From one wine-loving bookaholic to another, I hope I’ve helped you find your next fix. —Dani

 Love this book? Check out Buttercup’s Baby: S. Morgenstern’s Glorious Examination of Courage Matched Against the Death of the Heart by William Goldman.

Oh, no wait! In true Goldman fashion, he’s just teasing you. In reality, Buttercup’s Baby hasn’t been finished yet. However, you can check out a sample chapter of it in the 30th Anniversary Edition of The Princess Bride. Goldman has also promised to have the full version completed before the 50th Anniversary Edition of The Princess Bride comes out in 2023, and I can’t wait, because I, too, am now addicted to the characters just like everyone else.

Pair it with: Are you full or strength or a romantic who believes in true love? You might have to try both Inconceivable Cabernet and As You Wish Chardonnay to find out who’s right and who’s dead. Both wines are from the Bottle of Wits set in honor of The Princess Bride.

Start a conversation: What is your favorite story of “true love and high adventure?”

 Have a book you’d like to suggest or one you’d like me to review? Please feel free to leave your comments down below.

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The Princess Bride Is Absolutely Perfect! FITE ME IRL!

The Princess Bride opens with Fred Savage in bed suffering from a dire illness, the likes of which has seldom been encountered by mere mortal men. I can empathize because, indeed as I write these very words, my body is under assault from some vicious scourge more suited to a zombie horror movie (or a Cloverfield med station) than real life. Which, ironically enough, makes it a perfect time to watch The Princess Bride and delight in the trials and travails of a hippopotamic land mass, a drunken sot of a swordsman, a cold-blooded pirate dead set on stealing the prince’s most prized possession, and a simple peasant girl who almost married the future king. (And, of course, to marvel at the humble service performed by the sick lad’s grandfather.)

The Princess Bride evokes delight in nearly every facet of the production. The script is pervasively joyous and humorous; immortal lines and phrases drop from every character’s mouth every time they speak, and even bit players are given great lines, lines EVERYBODY knows, like:

Vizzini: HE DIDN’T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE. Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Or…

Buttercup: We’ll never survive. Westley: Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.

Then there was…

Fezzik: We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone. Man in Black: You mean, you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword, and we’ll try and kill each other like civilized people?

And finally…

The Grandson: Has [the book] got any sports in it? Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles… The Grandson: Doesn’t sound too bad. I’ll try to stay awake.

The casting is impeccable, from Robin Wright’s luminous and beautiful Buttercup to Wallace Shawn’s cheerfully malevolent Vizzini to André the Giant’s gentle giant Fezzik. Truly, there is no part I’d recast, from the very top of the bill all the way down to the hag who appeared in but a single scene, to lambaste Buttercup over and over again.

What strikes you most about the movie is this: despite being humorous, and clearly a self-aware play on the tropes of fairytale romances, there is a total and utter lack of ironic detachment. The movie is sincere. Westley truly loves Buttercup, and she truly loves him back, and the movie treats this as the rare and precious thing it is. Inigo Montoya’s father was slain in front of him, and his pain drives all his actions in the movie. Even the ironic and detached Count Rugen is utterly sincere in his love of causing pain, and his desire to truly understand the suffering he causes others. The character is detached and ironic, but the movie never is.

This sincerity is what gives this bagatelle weight far beyond what would ever be apparent from reading a synopsis. A grandfather reads a book to his grandson? So? That’s commonplace, and boring. And yet, by the end of the book their entire relationship has changed, and his simple act of lovingkindness has brought them both closer together. The sincerity in their relationship makes their relationship matter to the audience.

Westley loves Buttercup, and shows it through constant service and humility. She truly loves him back, which is what makes his sudden loss at the hands of pirates so jarring. The characters care about each other, deeply and passionately, and as a result, the audience cares about them and their plight. And with every humorous line, incongruous situation, or unexpected plot twist, the movie rewards that investment with delight.

There’s something to be said for movies that delight people. Something? Nay, everything.

Delight is, all too often, a forgotten ingredient in popular fiction. Even people who believe in good, and eagerly fight for it, fall into the trap of writing books in which there is no joy, no delight. And delight—that light-hearted feeling, sibling to true joy—is an emotion that is rare and precious. Creators that can reliably evoke delight in their audiences have the potential to make something truly great. Walt Disney had the touch, as have several others, but as time has passed it’s became rarer and rarer. Today… well, I’m not sure I can remember the last time a movie evoked genuine delight. All is dark and ugly, and more interested in pushing propaganda than in serving the needs of the audience. Fantasy without wonder or delight is grimy and sad, and not at all “realistic”.

Movies, books, TV shows: these which thrill their audiences, which delight them, which evoke a sense of awe or joy or wonder, are the most precious of jewels, especially in today’s debased entertainment marketplace. In olden days, Hollywood execs soul their souls for money. Today they sell their souls to virtue signal, and lose all the money. And along the way, those ingredients that made their fictions memorable, enjoyable, and lasting have all faded and fallen away.

Which is why this movie has become the perennial delight it has.

Jasyn Jones, better known as Daddy Warpig, is a host on the Geek Gab podcast, a regular on the Superversive SF livestreams, and blogs at Daddy Warpig’s House of Geekery. Check him out on Twitter.

The Princess Bride Is Absolutely Perfect! FITE ME IRL! published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames