#(well there is SOME substance and understanding but it comes off as very clunky)

[mirchloe]

i never post scrapped parts separately, but this 17 page dion pov segment was the bane of my existence for the entire month, and i don't want to let it go to waste, so here it is, entirely unedited. i think as you'll read, compared to what happens in the last chapter, it brings everything to a grinding halt, like a game of catch up to bring the other characters up to speed for the readers. it's very "here they are! here's what they were doing right up to that specific moment where raz is just about ready to take on the big bad! here are their very specific mentalities! they sure just keep TALKING! and LOOKING!" it felt so repetitive and dialogue-heavy that when i kept re-reading the past chapters, this scrapped chapter felt like walking into a wall and having to climb it to get back to the actual plot relevant stuff.

there are definitely things i would liked to save, but scaling down these conversations, making them more concise, it would really fit the story better.

When Dion learned what happened to Raz, if he wasn’t so shocked, then he could have collapsed on the spot.

As soon as his mother cried out over the phone, jolting Dion out of his daily stretches, he rushed to her side. His younger siblings followed, each in different stages of concern, only for their mutual distress to heighten when Donatella sank to her knees. The phone had slipped out of her hands, the springy cord causing it to dangle and swing. Their father grasped it, quickly raising it to his ear and addressing the other side with the proper poise of a hardened ringmaster. While Frazie tended to Donatella, who whispered in a hushed, yet shrill voice, Dion observed his father with wide eyes and clenched fists.

Augustus’ panicked voice killed any semblance of calm. “What? What do you m-? How could this have happened? Yes, yes, I - did you say imprisoned? Why would anyone-?”

But when Augustus floundered, cupping his mouth with tense fingers, it was like when his memories flooded in from the locked parts of his mind. All of a sudden, Augustus lost strength in his legs. He collapsed to the ground, struggling to hold onto the phone. He struggled to speak, frantically demanding answers that the other person could not provide. There was nothing Dion could do as a bystander to his father’s suffering, just as he had felt throughout his life. He was only able to offer comfort when the Aquatos linked their arms around him and each other before braving the storm as a family.

This was different, and yet, all the same. Augustus had been lost for words before, but now, as he failed to string together a sentence, he was like a weathered, battered mirror on the verge of cracking. He was deathly pale, as if multiple needles had punctured his veins and drained him of blood. Hobbling to his feet, he held the wall, his hand placed between strung-up, framed photographs of their family. His thumb caressed Raz’s face, his cherub cheeks, and Dion had almost forgotten he was so small as a toddler.

“Dad, what’s going on?” he remembered asking over the sound of Donatella’s cries..

Augustus shook his head. His face was wrinkled. He seemed to have aged in minutes.

“It’s your brother. It’s Razputin. He’s hurt.”

Dion may as well have taken a punch to the gut. He whipped his head to Donatella, finding her balling her hands into tense fists. She rose from her knees, Frazie and MIrtala holding her for support. Lost for words, he looked among his family, searching for answers only two of them could give.

“‘Hurt?’ How?” Queepie wondered, fidgeting with his collar. “I thought Raz was one of their top agents. How’d he get hurt?

“Pootie was tricked,” Donatella snapped, full of venom. “He’s trapped in another boy’s mind. His-his coworker or whatever! She said they can’t find a way to free him!”

Dion had no fathomable idea what that implied. Frazie, however, stiffened. She was the one demanding to know who had done it.

“Frazie, what does that mean? Trapped in someone’s mind?” Dion tried to breach through the chaos, but Frazie was unwavering, reiterating her question. He once again looked to their father, who brought the phone to his ear, and shouted, “Dad, hey, tell me! What does Mom mean that they can’t free him? Who did this to Raz? What the hell is going on?”

“It’s because of a contraption that I hardly understand myself, but it’s an intern behind Razputin’s entrapment. He’s someone your brother has had many problems with over the years.” 

Augustus’ grave voice lowered. Donatella snatched the phone from him, barking over the gentle, hardly soothing voice of Agent Vodello struggling to get a single word out. He briefly looked at Mirtala, before uttering a heavy-hearted sigh. 

“You know him. It’s a boy named Bobby Zilch.”

Mirtala’s irises dilated. Twin, dark circles enveloped their cerulean shade. She clasped her hands, shaking her head, her jaw twitching. Dion shrank to her side and rubbed her back before her tears could fall. He held her close and listened to her emit a whine like a monotonous siren, her pitch warbling, and he gnawed on the insides of his cheeks.

Again, there was nothing he could do. Providing meager comfort was drudgery when he was utterly helpless. Throughout the ride to the Motherlobe, he stewed and broiled with contempt, holding the shivering, weeping Mirtala to his chest.

For anyone to single out his little brother, they must have wracked with jealousy. Dion knew Raz was talented, progressing with his powers at lightning speed. He was more of a Psychonaut than an acrobat in recent days, but as Dion recalled, he had tried teaching Raz to hide his psychic abilities, repeating verbatim their father’s instructions. When he thought they were cursed to drown, as Dion stared out the window, Queepie resting in Frazie’s lap, he bit his nails into his palms for every sorrowful look Raz gave him after a harsh admonishment.

And then, witnessing Raz in such disarray, slumped against an overgrown apparatus, his malice dissipated. Raz was entirely expressionless, blankly gazing at nothing through half-lidded eyes. How their mother threw herself at his knees, screaming for him to wake up, Dion only heard static.

It was brief, however, as Dion caught sight of the real monster. The one who forced Raz into such a servile position was seated on the opposite side of the Brain Tumbler. His world was slathered in hues of blood red, and Dion’s one regret, in that moment, was letting Frazie get a charging head start.

It took the combined efforts of Oleander and Helmut to maintain the physical distance between the Aquatos and Bobby. Hollis had, somehow, managed to persuade them to remain calm. Then, he watched his mother sink once again to Raz’s knees, bawling against his shins while the Second Head tried consoling her. As explained, there was nothing they could do yet. They couldn’t discern why Raz was trapped when they already removed those peculiar locks. Otto theorized why, but Dion hadn’t heard a word over his mother’s sobering howling.

Hours passed. The tenuous peace eventually shattered. He couldn’t remember what he had snapped at the other agents scattered across the lab. All he remembered was Gisu on the floor, her cheek bruised from Frazie’s elbow swatting her when she teleported in with more devices. Somewhere in the chaos, Helmut was tossed by Queepie, and they, too, were tossed out of Sasha’s lab, letting more and more time pass. It was true chaos, now blanketed in a dense silence.

Someone’s stomach growled and shattered the stillness. It might have been his own. Dion thought his last meal was yesterday’s breakfast. Lili, with dark rings under her eyes, had been nice enough to bring them sandwiches covered in shrinkwrap, but he couldn’t stomach a crumb.

Now that he had returned to reality, acknowledging where he stood, he also couldn’t stomach the intern currently yapping his ear off.

She was about Raz’s height, give or take an inch. Dressed in jeans and a graphic T-shirt, her hair pulled back in tight buns, she somehow looked professional for a teenage intern. When she waltzed over, Mirtala said her name was Phoebe. He didn’t know when she weaseled her way over to them in a wing that was supposedly blocked off with clearance allowed for only particular agents.

Then, much to Dion’s mutual bewilderment shared with his family, Phoebe supplied them with a chance at therapy.

“...and so, that’s what I’m offering because I know how long you guys have been here, and I, well, I heard you weren’t treated the best. Word gets out fast in the Motherlobe,” she explained, folding her hands in front of her waist. She smiled, teeth pearly white and braced. “Any takers? I really do want to help as best as I can, so while they help Raz, I can help you.”

Dion thought Raz was long-winded, but she took the cake. Sweeping his fingers through his greasy hair, grimacing at the faint film on his palm, he said, “Listen, I don’t want to chew you out, but we’re not in the mood. It’s a nice gesture, I guess. Thanks, but no thanks.”

Phoebe frowned, the answer clearly going against her expectations. She surveyed the Aquatos, and Dion had enough of being watched. Pushing off the wall, spotting that Oleander and Milla had absconded from their duties of observing the Aquatos, he raised his hands. He took a stand in front of his family, Augustus and Nona still with Raz. While Donatella remained on her bottom by a window, Queepie and Mirtala murmuring to her, he was glad Frazie joined him shoulder-to-shoulder in protecting their withdrawn, haggard mother. Phoebe stepped back. She seemed to register her advances were unwanted. “Sorry. Maybe that was impetuous of me. Bad timing, too. I know this is a dire situation, and Bobby totally deserves your anger, so if you want to discuss anything with me, or just want to vent, I’m here for you guys. Raz is my friend, too, and I also-” She peeked around Frazie. “-wanted to make sure you’re doing okay, Tala. How are you? We haven’t had a chance to talk since I graduated from Whispering Rock.”

Dion looked at Mirtala, but she wasn’t returning Phoebe’s smile. She stood with Donatella, her flushed face pinching. As Donatella wiped her eyes for what must have been the thousandth, her deep violet mascara staining her cheeks, Mirtala stated, “We aren’t as close as you think, Phoebe.”

She balked. Behind her, Dion saw her two friends waiting in the wing appearing equally mystified. There was an assortment of other interns, too, but they were merely faces in the crowd. Phoebe struggled to respond, but Donatella thrust out her hand. Queepie quickly grabbed it, helping her stand while Mirtala steadied Donatella’s waist.

“Please, just go,” she ordered, and she pointed, though there was no strength in her posture. “This is a family matter. It doesn’t involve you. I won’t give you brownie points for coming over and lecturing us. Take your gaggle of onlookers, and leave us alone.”

“Oh! Um, that’s not at all what I wanted to do. ‘Lecturing?’ Wait, really, I’m not trying to talk down to you guys.” Phoebe folded her arms, a myriad of reactions flooding through her as Donatella leered. “I, uh, look, I’m sorry, Mrs. Aquato, but I’m not trying to get your bad side. Bobby’s the one-”

“Whoa, whoa, Phoebe, area’s off limits. I’m gonna need you to skedaddle.”

Lizzie’s voice echoed as she sauntered from the lab, followed by her assortment of fellow agents. She patted Phoebe’s back, coaxing her to leave. Phoebe rubbed her arm, clearly dissatisfied with the responses she received.

“You guys know the drill. Up and out.” Morris clapped his hands sharply. “Come on. Let’s go. Quentin, Elka, the rest of you, I don’t need to tell you twice.”

Norma set her index finger on the bridge of her glasses, peering at Phoebe. “I understand what you’re doing, but this isn’t the time. You think you’re helping by offering to hear them out, and that’s not what they need. What they require is a definite solution to end this problem.”

Dion’s knuckles ached. He hadn’t realized how intensely he had been clenching his fists. He shifted his gaze toward the lab, knowing nothing of substance was occurring. Until the obvious happened, then the Aquatos would never feel secure, and for Dion, he sensed he wouldn’t be well until he heard that annoying, endearing, high-pitched chuckle.

Phoebe tried again. “But Agent Natividad-”

She lifted her head, pointing with her chin. “They’re clearly not in the mood. Leave it to us, Phoebe, and go with the interns. There should be some scavenger hunt items for you to locate somewhere around the Motherlobe, so I suggest you hop to it.”

Phoebe bit her lip. She sagged under her mentor’s firm derailment. She tried to meet Mirtala’s eyes, but Mirtala ducked her chin to her chest. Frazie reached back and gripped her shoulder, scowling at Phoebe, who had taken on a true visage of dejection. The brunt of their anger was given to her full force, and briefly, just briefly, Dion pitied her.

Relenting, Phoebe nodded. She opened her mouth, but seemed to think better of it. Instead of an excuse, she mustered an apology. She retreated to the other interns, giving a parting glare toward Sasha’s lab. They walked off, escorted by older agents, who finally realized the commotion and ordered them to stay away.

Donatella accepted the box of tissues offered by Sam. She thanked her in a thick, tight voice before blowing her nose. She rasped for breath, taking another tissue for good measure. As she cleaned herself for what might have been the tenth time, she said she needed a minute and dragged herself to the window. It overlooked parts of the Quarry, but Dion couldn’t find any beauty in the glistening, clear waters. They may as well have been bubbling and polluted.

No one spoke. Glances were given, not words. Dion locked eyes with Gisu, and still, he couldn’t grasp what needed to be said. Gisu, along with the rest of the agents, were just as withdrawn. Nobody had slept, evidenced by the shared dark circles under their eyes. If they had eaten, the amount of food was in small, unfulfilling quantities, such as Lili’s unwrapped, untouched sandwiches.Lili 

Frazie drew in a sharp, sudden breath and flatly remarked, “Sorry I walloped you, Gisu.”

She blinked, taken aback. “Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, no problem. You didn’t know I’d teleport to that spot. I’m lucky your elbow didn’t materialize through my skull.”

Dion pulled a face, but stopped himself from replying when he noticed Queepie fidgeting with his sleeve. He asked him what was wrong.

Queepie turned his attention to Morris. “Is, uh, Mr. Fullbear still mad I threw him?” He chuckled, leaning forward in his chair. He reached over and ruffled Queepie’s hair, parted on the side. “The big guy’s tougher than you give him credit for, man. He was frozen for twenty years, so you’d think his muscles would’ve atrophied, but nope. He’s built like a brick shithouse.”

Donatella immediately glowered at him for the language in front of her ten-year-old. Morris pretended not to notice, eyes flitting across each sibling before sharing a quick grin with Queepie.

“Physical therapy has kept him strong,” Adam piped up, fingers typically steepled. “Not to mention the ice kept him perfectly preserved. His husband once told me he’s jealous that his bones aren’t clicking as much as his.”

“He even has better posture than Norma,” Sam added, earning a scoff of surprise from her intended, or unintended, target.

“Hey, my back is - oh, I’m not getting into a tit for tat with you. It’s already too tiring.”

“Even if she’s right?” Lizzle drawled, elbowing her sister, and earning a quiet titter of giggles from Mirtala. She grinned a lopsided smile. “Hey, finally, I got a laugh out of you. Being morose doesn’t suit you.”

Dion couldn’t bring the corners of his lips to rise. As sweet as it was to hear her soft laughter, it was not enough to bandage their wounds. He looked at Donatella, finding she was already departing from the group. She swayed toward the nearest window, and although his back was turned, he sensed she was not observing the surrounding foliage or crystal clear water.

Frazie huffed out a breath like a frustrated horse. She cupped her knitted brows, her expression twisting. She opened her mouth, and said nothing. Then, she rolled her head back and slackened her arms, asking the obvious.

“I think enough time has passed, so does…does anyone know why this happened? Any fathomable reason?”

As she tossed out her hands, the agents weren’t responding. Sam looked at the others, and Morris crossed his arms. Gisu fidgeted with the strap of her new, leather bag. She sent a glance toward Norma, who maintained eye contact with Frazie.

At Lizzie’s nod, Adam sighed. He lowered his shoulders. Dion heard his joints grind.

“When we saw Raz last, Bobby lashed out at him. Sure, Raz goaded him, but that’s not enough. There’s been a history of provocation, more so on Bobby’s side, and this was a meticulously planned attack on Raz. The PSI locks jamming the Brain Tumbler, for example, were ones Bobby had been seemingly working on for some time.”

Gisu added, “With how many Bobby wedged in the Brain Tumbler, it would take at least a few weeks for someone without technical knowledge to create. Otto said they were cheap or something, but that just goes to show how far Bobby was willing to go. He must’ve been feeling-”

“That asshole has been planning this for a while, right? I don’t need to hear anything else.” Dion scoffed, gripping his elbows, and Gisu frowned, as if she was biting her tongue. “He’s always had it out for Raz. Day one in that camp? Raz told me that guy fired at him from a tank. A tank! Ever since then, he’s been jealous and spiteful, all because Raz was better than him. A bastard with a violent streak like that never should’ve been allowed in the Psychonauts.”

He punctuated his frustration by slamming his fist into his open palm. He didn’t want to hear any further reasoning. It didn’t matter. Raz was still a prisoner in Bobby’s mind, facing unknown tribulations while his family stood on the outskirts.

This time, they weren’t permitted to help. They couldn’t rush into action. Like bit players, they were watching the show with the curtain veiled over the stage. As he was sure his brother’s body was becoming colder and paler, Dion didn’t want to consider anything beneficial for Bobby. Whatever he felt, whatever he endured, it was secondary to the suffering he must have been enforcing upon Raz.

Frazie glanced at Dion, sucking in a breath, then huffing it out, deciding it was worth saying. “I don’t know about that last part, Dion.” “What do you mean? What’s wrong with what I said?” Dion felt their mother’s eyes boring through him, as if compelling him to question them in her stead. “This guy attacked Raz! Trapped him in his mind! He’s definitely brutalized him! How else am I supposed to interpret it, huh?”

Adam’s voice was clipped. “The Psychonauts don’t abandon their own. This obviously wasn’t a standalone act of violence.”

“I don’t want to hear anything excusing that asshole! He hurt Raz! End of story!”

“Earlier, when you said-” Lizzie peered at Mirtala, who waited with wide, dull eyes, and Dion snorted as he was ignored. “-Bobby looked like he was crying, it had us all wondering. Things that were missed that led up to him, well, cracking.”

Sam stroked her arm, unblinking as she spoke in an uncharacteristically somber tone. “Kind of like how a dam breaks.”

As Queepie gasped, and Mirtala covered her mouth, Donatella whipped her head over her shoulder. Dion didn’t need to stare at her. He knew shock was scorching her face a brilliant scarlet. Every bit of reddened rage colored his cheeks, as well. Dion’s insides twisted, his own emotions in turmoil. He raised a slow, accusatory finger at Sam’s face, hunching forward as he snarled through gritted teeth.

“You better not mean what I think you’re implying. Nona’s circumstances were different and way more excruciating. You keep her name out of your mouth.” 

Sam didn’t flinch. None of them did.

Dion felt like a cauldron boiling over with toxic carbonation. If what she implied was true, then they had the nerve to compare Nona, who had been a corrupt gzar’s political pawn, to a manipulative fraud like Bobby Zilch. She had been berated and barraged with tragedy. What could have even been comparable? Failing an obstacle course in summer camp while Raz strived? Being unable to learn a psychic skill with the same aptitude as Raz? Hiding behind a tree and glaring at their family when they visited the Motherlobe? It was ridiculous, a cruel joke to believe their weight was equal. Dion shook with such palpable rage that he had half a mind to storm into the lab and smash his tired fist through that contraption, if it meant rescuing his brother from a devil in disguise.

“Dion,” Frazie snapped, gripping her head once more, “drop it. Just drop it.”

He pivoted to Frazie, incredulous. “Nona is nothing like the guy who singled out Raz. Are you defending him now?”

“Ugh! I’m not. I wouldn’t. The Psychonauts-” Frazie filled her chest with air and exhaled with pained exertion. “The Psychonauts helped Nona when our world turned upside down, all right? When that happened, they protected her.” She held up her hands. “Adam’s right. It’s not like them to abandon anyone in need. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Oh, yeah? You’re leaving a lot out and-”

“Look, just let us finish. We’ve been going over this diligently with the senior agents, and we want you to hear us out,” Norma insisted, and she lightly patted Gisu’s shoulder, prompting her to continue before Dion could shout.

“Trapping Raz, Bobby definitely intended to hurt him. No other facts point otherwise, but when Lizzie told us Tala’s observation, we started wondering if this really was a cry for help. Heck, Oleander even phoned home and learned Bobby was-”

“You’re joking! None of this was a cry for help! Raz was deceived! So were the rest of you!” Dion barked. He couldn’t believe they had spent a few summers of youthful bliss together. For her to so much as consider a plight of decency for the unforgivable whelp who had harmed Raz, he wanted to scrub his mouth out with soap.

“Or whatever Bobby originally wanted was turned into something else between them,” Sam stressed. “Y’know, becoming a cry for help. They haven’t made any messed up noises in a few hours, right?”

“No! Not right! What the hell is wrong you guys? You’re making up excuses.”

“Not like we’ll know what’s actually happening until they emerge,” Morris retorted, drumming his fingers on the fortified armrests of his new chair. “So, at this point, with how long this has gone on, the Psychonauts are willing to give Bobby the benefit of the doubt. We want to hear what Raz says before any hasty decisions are made, too. That’s coming from the Grand Head himself.”

Dion shook his head. They may as well have promoted Bobby as a Psychonaut for his daring little scheme. It was like they were looking the other way, pretending not to see Raz. They could say how much they cared for Raz, how much they wanted to see him back on his feet, all while espousing platitudes for his kidnapper. It was a low bar for the Psychonauts, declaring Bobby would face consequences, and they couldn’t cross that nanoscopic threshold.

“We won’t know the whole truth until they’re freed, and we’ll go from there. That’s what Hollis and Truman have decided with the other agents,” Norma concluded, and she clutched her wrist, meeting Frazie’s narrowed gaze. “With how quiet things have been, and no visible, physical reactions have been happening for the past few hours, it’s a possibility things are calmer between them in Bobby’s mind.”

Dion chewed on the inside of his cheek. His family was stuck outside, left to take their statements at face value. The lab was right there, but it was like they had to traverse across a moat to reach the castle. They had some nerve deciding on what to do without consulting his family.

Regardless, he watched Mirtala approach. She wrung her hands, rolling her wrists. His stomach flipped at her agonizingly hopeful voice, like tittering birdsong from a weary, groggy sparrow.

“You mean, they could be working it out? And maybe-maybe things will be okay?” 

Norma managed a smile that twitched a little more than probably intended. “That’s my, well, our hopeful conjecture. Trust me when I say we’ve been debating this for some time amongst ourselves and our superiors.”

Queepie itched through his scalp, his hair just as flat and matted as Dion’s. The embodiment of discomfort, he mumbled, “I mean, I won’t believe anything until I hear it from Raz. He better wake up soon.”

“I’m-I’m sure he will,” Mirtala said, spinning to his side. “I bet Boo, uh, Bobby will, too, and they can tell us what happened.”

Yeah, if I don’t get to that guy’s scrawny neck first.

Dion let those words fester in his mind. No matter the carefully curated statements, he wasn’t interested in comprehending their rationale. If he was in a better mood, then he might have admitted they made observations with merit. He hadn’t heard a single, dismal groan echoing from Raz in some time. For that, he guessed he was grateful the situation had seemingly calmed.

In the end, the one who mattered was Raz. He was still suffering in an unknowable mind with a person who loathed him beyond petty, childish rivalry. Whatever Bobby had endured, or supposedly endured, was nothing compared to the horrors he must have been enacting upon Raz.

One glance at his sister affirmed his trepidation. Frazie’s gaze teetered toward the lab. Norma uttered her name, and she stiffened. The attention was clearly unwanted, a burden on her tense back. She looked down, spotting Queepie, Mirtala, but Raz was not with them. There should have been five high-flying, death-defying Aquato siblings, not four.

She withered. A tree without roots was destined to falter.

“I get it. That guy hates Raz. Whenever Raz visited, sometimes, he mentioned a problem he had with that asshole. I swear, I’d see him lurking in the Questionable Area when me and Raz were catching up on our acrobatics.” Dion heard her jaw click. “But even if you guys say all that, say there’s a method to his madness, to trick Raz while he’s vulnerable, and trap him in his mind? I still can’t figure it out. What did Raz do that was so bad? No, actually, why Raz? Why hurt Raz at all?”

Her voice cracked. She tossed out her hands. But no one could provide proof. Explanations were paltry, a means to delineate the facts when the obvious inference rang loud and true. Dion gripped his elbows, squeezed his eyes shut, and saw Raz’s limp, bloodless body slumped against the Brain Tumbler.

Raz was imprisoned in Bobby’s mind. Nothing else mattered. No matter what was happening or had occurred, it didn’t smooth over the real truth like an eroded stone at the bottom of the sea. Until Raz was safe and free from Bobby’s clutches, Dion couldn’t rest, even as his head throbbed and heart rattled between his ribs.

He heard Donatella sniff. Her footsteps dwindled. She must have returned to the window.

Norma peered at her fellow agents. They wore their sympathetic masks, lips turned downward, slight mist glazing a few eyes. She seemed to speak for all of them. “There’s no justification. There’s only what we can do to understand when they’re out.”

“You should have just said the first part.”

When his mother interrupted, it hit Dion very, very suddenly that she had been far too quiet. Even her footsteps were pittering.

Everyone faced her. Mirtala’s silver bells chiming out of tune when she jerked her head. Donatella hunkered forward with her clenched fist on the rounded window. She slowly shook her head, leering at the dull carpet and potted ferns. If she had psychic powers, then Dion believed she would have set the entire Motherlobe ablaze in a swarm of uncontrollable flames.

Lizzie tempted her fury. “Uh, what do you mean? We-”

“You heard me!” she spat, flinging out her fist, each finger extending like whips. “Pootie is innocent. Pootie has done nothing wrong, and-and as soon as he emerges, I’m taking him out of the Psychonauts! He is coming home!” “Mom!” Frazie blurted, eyes shooting wide open. “You can’t just-”

“Don’t Mom me, Frazie. After today, after all this, you’re just as shocked as I am. You asked why someone would do this to Raz? Wel, such a situation never should have happened. If he stayed with us-”

“I understand you’re upset,” Norma hastily interjected, “but that’s not your decision. Raz is-”

Donatella huffed, breathing so hard that Dion thought her lungs would give out., Her mascara stains worsened as a glossy sheen of sweat dampened her face. It seemed she no longer cared about her once graceful appearance, nothing more than a caricature of maternal sorrow.

“I’ve had enough listening to the six of you. You don’t know what you’re talking about, and you say you’re Raz’s friends?” She snapped her attention to Mirtala, who squeaked, and Dion winced. “And you say that monster was crying, Tala? So what? He attacked your brother! Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten those nights when you’d come to me telling a story about how he insulted or berated you, too.”

Mirtala shifted. She couldn’t meet Donatella in the middle. Dion kept his hands to himself.

“It’s a possible sign of guilt,” Norma snapped, swiftly regaining her composure. “Since this has gone for so long, it’s more likely than not Bobby’s dealing with some heavy regrets about the entire situation. ”

“And don’t forget Raz is a Psychonaut. There’s a chance he’s handling this,” Lizzie added, standing shoulder to shoulder with her sister. “Yeah, this sucks. Totally, completely blows. No one is saying this isn’t hell on Earth for everyone, but even so, you can’t make the choice to take Raz away from something he loves doing.”

“‘Loves doing?’ Oh, you’re telling me he loves being sequestered in that monster’s mind?” “Not at all what I said, and you know it, lady.”

Adam shot Lizzie a look, their mutual frustration palpable. “What Lizzie means to say is-”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass what any of you say. I don’t give a rat’s ass for what that monster could say.” Donatella flung her finger toward the lab, her tone strident, so potent that every window in the Motherlobe could have shattered from her sonic decibels. “What could he possibly say other than a cheap sorry? He still made the decision to hurt my son! I want my son home! None of you could protect him! None of you! I couldn’t! I-!”

She choked. As if something was lodged in throat, she hacked and hobbled. Fresh sobs wracked her entire body. She was far frailer than Dion had ever seen, a porcelain doll with gilded, widening cracks. She may as well have shattered. No gold would cement her together again as Donatella cried. Through the black tears dripping between her fingers, staining the carpet in inky droplets, she raked her fingers through her unkempt hair splayed in lank strands over her shoulders.

Queepie rushed to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist. Mirtala was quick to join, a stumble in her step. Donatella scooped them up like she would lose them, too, as if an invisible force would rip them from her iron grip.

Frazie dragged a finger along her damp eyelids. She looked at the agents, commiserating. Norma reached her first, one hand to her bicep, saying nothing. Dion wasn’t sure what could have been sound as the anguished howls of a broken mother rolled throughout the dismal, quiet Motherlobe.

Dion tipped his chin to his chest. He could barely suck in air through his gritted teeth. He grinded on them so hard that they may as well have turned to chalk.

“Yes, that’s what I’ve decided. He’s coming home. My baby is coming home with us. He’s going to stay with his family. He’s been away long enough. I can’t trust you people to keep him safe.”

Donatella wheezed her desires through chattering teeth. She glared over her youngest children toward the lab, and Dion heard the soft clicking of approaching heels, tempered by quickening footsteps of rainboots. 

“And I know I certainly can’t trust him with the likes of you.”

The visage of the Lesser Head of the Psychonauts did not change. She stood with her arms behind her back, looking down on Donatella with an unreadable expression. Lili bristled, glancing between them, before settling on crossing her arms when Hollis stepped toward Donatella. “Mrs. Aquato,” she said with undeserved evenness, “can we speak privately?” “This is private enough,” Donatella hissed, relinquishing her grip on Queepie and Mirtala to gesture. “Now that those weaselly interns are gone, no one else is in this corridor. If you want to preach to me, too, do it in front of everyone.”

She did not waver. She simply extended her arm. “Just down the hall. Please. I want to talk to you alone.”

Donatella shook. She glared out the window, only to scoff when she seemed to have spotted Hollis’ reflection. When Hollis reached into her pocket and retrieved a small packet of tissues, Donatella scrubbed her eyes with her dried, blackened knuckles.

As Donatella continued refusing her, Dion was surprised when Hollis turned to him. He wasn’t psychic. He thought she would have deferred to Frazie, who had undergone her tutelage. Frazie might not have been a Psychonaut, and yet, she still had an in that Dion lacked. She did not reach physically, as Dion took a solitary step away, and as if sensing his apprehension, Hollis addressed him from where she stood.

“I’m sorry. I failed,” she murmured, and Dion saw the rings under her eyes, somehow even darker than the ones under his. Her exhaustion bled into her slow words. “Plain and simple, I failed both Raz and Bobby. If you want to discuss missed signs, I should’ve realized everything much sooner. I shouldn’t have berated Raz for his obvious distrust. I shouldn’t have been quick to believe Bobby’s tears. Whatever is happening in Bobby’s mind, whatever Raz is going through, it’s on me. The Psychonauts take full responsibility.”

“Agent Forsythe-” Norma began, but Hollis raised his hand.

“An apology means nothing without action,” she said, and she looked to Donatella, who continued leering out the window, “which is why I’ll hope you’ll grant me the courtesy-” “Courtesy,” Donatella snarled.

“-to talk in private. Away from this very upsetting place. Even if it’s just right over there.”

“You must have lost your brain somewhere. Is it rolling around in one of those little capsules? If you think I’ll spend a second with you, you’re madder than a hatter.”

Dion dug his fingernails into his hips. Tension eased in his shoulders, so much so that they cracked as they lowered. With the discussion coming to a dead halt, he heard the blood pulsing between his ears. A rhythmic, monotonous flow almost dizzied him, and his damp eyes fluttered to stay afloat. He searched among the group, his austere mother leering down at the Second Head, who no longer wore her pride on her expansive shoulder pads.

Lili bared her teeth, ready to speak, but Hollis cupped her shoulder. She shook her head, dispelling the foaming fury that must have been rising in her throat. Donatella peered at her, one eyebrow neatly arched, and Dion assumed she was surprised Lili would seemingly muster an attempt to defend Hollis.

Left with his thoughts, Dion clutched his dry, cracked elbows. Without a word bouncing among them, he directed his gaze toward the lab, as he had done countless times. He knew what was happening, and no progress was being made in any meaningful manner. Patience was never his virtue. He had been still and stiff and silent long enough.

But he kept looking at Hollis. He presumed her to be a powerful leader. She was responsible for the Psychonauts under her care. Interns, agents, retirees, it didn’t matter. With how long she had known and trained Raz, the Motherlobe like a second home whenever Raz wasn’t traveling with his family, Hollis had garnered a tight-knit relationship with his little brother. Dion remembered how proud Raz was whenever he could state Hollis had trusted him with a mission, or took the time to further his training in private. Around the campfire, Raz rarely had a negative word about Hollis, even if their mother grumbled.

He glanced at the other agents. They were Raz’s friends, partners who had helped him face down his familial foe. Without them, the circumstances might have been different. In the years Raz spent with them, he, too, had dozens of tales to tell about them. Missions, pranks, movie nights, it was as if they had scooped Raz into their arms, carting him off like their own little brother. In the time he was apart from Raz, and Raz came home revealing something new he had learned from one of them, the joy on his face was undeniable. Stars practically twinkled in  his eyes, and Dion had to admit the plethora of twisting emotions, seeing Raz grow and learn sometimes without him, jabbed at his sides.

But they cared about Raz. Despite Dion’s own uncertainties, it was more than obvious they treasured him. He was the world’s youngest Psychonaut, along with being their trusted colleague and friend.

They wouldn’t have worked so tirelessly to free Raz if they were dismissive. And as Dion watched Hollis swipe a tissue to quickly brush at her eyes, he thought his legs would give out.

If she was experiencing identical anguish as the Aquatos, acknowledging the deep-seated grief stewing within Dion, then he blurted a command that the Dion of yesterday never would have considered.

“Mom, I think you should take her up on this.”

Donatella stared at him like he had split his head open, and blood gushed down his face. Even his siblings gawked. It didn’t take a psychic to perceive the look of complete incredulity crossing Queepie’s countenance to realize he was thinking, Who replaced Dion with a look-a-like?

“It-it might be better if you do,” he hastily added, “because, uh, because it’ll clear the air.”

She swallowed hard. She regarded Dion like a stranger. “I thought you would’ve been on my side.”

His blood froze over. Ice in his veins, Dion couldn’t break from her softened, surprised stare. He may as well have told his mother she was wrong.

But Frazie took to his side. She didn’t gaze at Dion. Rather, her tone took on their shared strength. 

“Mom, it’d be better if you talked to Hollis one-on-one.”

Donatella hesitated. She held her breath. Although Hollis offered her another tissue, she remained as stationary as a rusted, marble statue on a paltry foundation. She kept her hands to her chest, and clear tears slithered down her marred cheeks.

Dion’s heart hammered. It ricocheted between his ribs, threatening to break every single one. Tensing his knees, he ordered himself to remain upright. He couldn’t turn to Frazie, but no psychic connection was needed to affirm where they stood.

Their mother huffed. She cradled her head. And a semblance of peace returned.

“Oh, fine, fine. I know when you two are united, there’s no point in arguing.” 

She stomped down the hall, her brisk pace prompting Hollis to follow. Without a parting word or a promise of when she would return, Donatella vanished around the rounded corner, Hollis in tow.

Dion dropped his head. His entire body slumped forward. Frazie’s hold on his collar prevented him from falling over outright. Hearing her snicker, he snorted at whatever amusement she derived from his exhaustion.

Before he could remark on anything, Lili snatched the shrinkwrapped sandwiches left in a heap on the floor. “You guys seriously didn’t eat the food I brought? They definitely aren’t as fresh now,” she grumbled, telekinetically shoving them in each Aquato’s hand. “Come on, eat them. I know you guys haven’t had anything.”

“Don’t need to tell me twice,” Queepie muttered, tearing his open with Mirtala. “Ew. There’s some weird sauce in here.”

“It’s called aioli.”

“That does not look like aioli. It’s too green.”

“Then, some relish got in it! Sheesh, Queepie, it’s a club sandwich.”

Sticking his tongue out at Lili, Queepie gasped when Mirtala lightly kicked his shin. He looked ready to kick her back when Dion eyed him. He scoffed and shoved the sandwich into his mouth, ignoring Mirtala’s perfectly innocent air.

“Think those two are gonna be okay?’ Gisu wondered as Dion fiddled with his shrinkwrap.

“Well, they haven’t shouted in thirty seconds. I’d say things are going better than we hoped,” Lizzie sneered.

Norma checked her watch. “Almost a minute, now. Still no screaming.”

Dion scoffed through his first bite, only for his eyes to widen. The taste of dry turkey, watery tomatoes, and excessive mayonnaise was like fine dining from a master chef. Foregoing any food made an average sandwich a meal fit for a king. But while Frazie grinned, Dion simply turned his head, trying to eat as casually as possible.

Lili cracked her jaw, reminiscent of Lizzie. She peered at the agents, saying nothing verbally, but he could tell telepathy was in play. He had seen Raz concentrating when they were in their beds, gazing at nothing in particular, while being immersed in a conversation with someone far away. She wore the same look, along with the other agents, but what she suggested had him struggling to swallow the next bite.

“Maybe…we should get out of here, too.” “Wh-? Just leave?” He swatted at his chest and gulped hard. “What if something happens?”

“My dad will tell me, and I’ll tell you. He promised if there were any updates, I’d be the first to know.”

“Yeah? Can we tru-?” He stopped himself, dismissing the budding accusation. If the Grand Head was anything like his subordinate, then Dion supposed he deserved the same respect. “Uh, forget it  Forget I said anything.”

Lili stretched, lacing her fingers above her head and standing on her tiptoes. Dion had seen Raz elongate his spine in the same way. Although a common gesture, he couldn’t help but wonder if Lili had picked up that trait from Raz.

When her back popped, she sighed and crossed her arms. “I get it. Sitting and waiting, it’s really hard, especially when there’s nothing you can do-” Her gaze swept across the munching Aquatos. “-except take care of ourselves.”

Adam ruffled her hair, and she quickly brushed aside his hand. “You phrased it perfectly, Lili. Better than I could.”

“Can we go?” Mirtala asked abruptly to her older siblings. It was unlike her to ask for permission, in most cases. She was the kind of girl who tended to move to her own rhythm.

Queepie didn’t need permission to do anything. It was a trait Dion found more than irritable when he ran off from chores. He was already with the agents, as if expecting Dion and Frazie would comply.

Frazie stared at Lili, their thoughts uniquely private. Then, an almost resigned air, she said, “Some fresh air might be good. It’ll be better to leave Mom alone while she’s with Hollis, too.”

Dion said nothing. He showed his palms and walked in the rear. Frazie joined him, shoulder to shoulder. Watching Queepie speak with Morris, and Mirtala clinging to Lili while Sam tried prying her off, Dion supposed they were the outliers. They hadn’t technically agreed; they were following the group. If Dion was a gambling man, then he would have put all of his chips in by insisting Frazie, like himself, would have rather stayed with Raz.

But she grinned at him, flanked by Norma. “Holding up?” “Hardly,” he said, taking comfort in how Gisu slipped into his shadow. “I bet if we leave, something’s gonna happen.” “Come on, Dion. We’ve waited for over a day. What could possibly happen when we’re gone?”

And although Frazie flashed him a lopsided smile, Dion smothered his trepidation, clinging to the hopeful strand that a peaceful resolution would ensue, even if he still wanted nothing more than to punch Bobby Zilch’s lights out.

[girl4music]

As for the ‘addiction’ storyline and Willow’s arc.

It’s half-an-half in terms what is good and what is unfortunately not so good about it. It’s clever what they do with it with it being about ‘addiction’ in general. But the “drug” and “substance abuse” comparisons don’t work for it and just confuse it.

I mean if you’re gonna talk about addiction - even through metaphor - you don’t have to involve drugs or substance abuse of any kind really…

But then you do have to think about whether the audience will get the message if you don’t directly relate it to something that’s easily recognizable.

And I think that was probably the problem in the writer’s room when it came to conceiving of the addiction arc. They didn’t know how to translate it to the screen so that it could be easily understood.

They struggled to tell a story about addiction without comparing it to drugs or substance abuse. The times when it’s just talking about ‘addiction’ in general, it works very well and emotionally hits and it’s profound. But as soon as the imagery and dialogue about drugs and substance abuse comes into it, it just ruins it. Not completely but… enough that it turns people off. I mean I personally don’t mind it because I can interpret for myself and that’s enough for me. But there’s many that don’t like the addiction arc point blank because of the heavy-handed drug/substance abuse comparisons that don’t work for it. That make it seem like a PSA of “Hey kids, don’t do drugs magic.”

Behavioural and emotional addiction was always Willow’s problem when it came to her use and abuse of magic. It was never a drug or substance physical addiction. Or shouldn’t have been I should say.

It was power corruption and co-dependency and other forms of addiction not related to drugs or alcohol or any external substance of any kind.

When the show takes the arc down the route of external sources - that’s when it gets messy and clunky and confusing to understand her condition.

It was a very internal mental health identity crisis thing going on with her that they never resolved.

She certainly got addicted to the power that magic gave her but not the magic itself. Because that just doesn’t make sense. Magic is a force not a thing.

The complexity of Willow as a character and what she goes through and overcomes in her shows-long arc is something I’ll always love and will never be able to stop talking about. But I do feel they made some grave mistakes and wrong turns in it. And turning her dependence on magic into a blatant drug addiction is one of them. I don’t hate it. I just think it’s a shame because it just confuses it.

Anyway, Five By Five Takes explains all this way better than I do. I recommend you check out their analysis video about it. It’s really good and in-depth.

[ot3]

i watched red vs blue: zero with my dear friends today and i was asked to “post” my “thoughts” on the subject. Please do not click this readmore unless, for some reason, you want to read three thousand words on the subject of red vs blue: zero critical analysis. i highly doubt that’s the reason anyone is following me, but hey. 

anyway. here you have it. 

Here are my opinions on RVB0 as someone who has quite literally no nostalgia for any older RVB content. I’ve seen seasons 1-13 once and bits and pieces of it more than once here and there, but I only saw it for the first time within the past couple of months. I’ve literally never seen any other RT/AH content. I can name a few people who worked on OG Red vs. Blue but other than Mounty Oum I have NO idea who is responsible for what, really, or what anything else they’ve ever worked on is, or whether or not they’re awful people. I know even less about the people making RVB0 - All I know is that the main writer is named Torrian but I honestly don’t even know if that’s a first name, a last name, or a moniker. All this to say; nothing about my criticism is rooted in any perceived slight against the franchise or branding by the new staff members, because I don’t know or care about any of it. In fact, I’m going to try and avoid any direct comparison between RVB0 and earlier seasons of RVB as a means of critique until the very end, where I’ll look at that relationship specifically.

So here is my opinion of RVB0 as it stands right now:

1. The Writing

Everything about RVB0 feels as if it was written by a first-time writer who hasn’t learned to kill his darlings. The narrative is both simultaneously far too full, leaving very little breathing room for character interaction, and oddly sparse, with a story that lacks any meaningful takeaway, interesting ideas, or genuine emotional connection. It also feels like it’s for a very much younger audience - I don’t mean this as a negative at all. I love tv for kids. I watch more TV for kids than I do for adults, mostly, but I think it’s important to address this because a lot of the time ‘this is for kids’ is used to act like you’re not allowed to critique a narrative thoroughly. It definitely changes the way you critique it, but the critique can still be in good faith.  I watched the entirety of RVB0 only after it was finished, in one sitting, and I was giving it my full attention, essentially like it was a movie. I’m going to assume it was much better to watch in chunks, because as it stood, there was literally no time built into the narrative to process the events that had just transpired, or try and predict what events might be coming in the future. When there’s no time to think about the narrative as you’re watching it, the narrative ends up as being something that happens to the audience, not something they engage with. It’s like the difference between taking notes during a lecture or just sitting and listening. If you’re making no attempt to actively process what’s happening, it doesn’t stick in your mind well. I found myself struggling to recall the events and explanations that had immediately transpired because as soon as one thing had happened, another thing was already happening, and it was like a mental juggling act to try and figure out which information was important enough to dwell on in the time we were given to dwell on it.

Which brings me to another point - pacing. Every event in the show, whether a character moment, a plot moment, or a fight scene, felt like it was supposed to land with almost the exact same amount of emotional weight. It all felt like The Most Important Thing that had Yet Happened. And I understand that this is done as an attempt to squeeze as much as possible out of a rather short runtime, but it fundamentally fails. When everything is the most important thing happening, it all fades into static. That’s what most of 0’s narrative was to me: static. It’s only been a few hours since I watched it but I had to go step by step and type out all of the story beats I could remember and run it by my friends who are much more enthusiastic RVB fans than I am to make sure I hadn’t missed or forgotten anything. I hadn’t, apparently, but the fact that my takeaway from the show was pretty accurate and also disappointingly lackluster says a lot. Strangely enough, the most interesting thing the show alluded to - a holo echo, or whatever the term they used was - was one of the things least extrapolated upon in the show’s incredibly bulky exposition. Benefit of the doubt says that’s something they’ll explore in future seasons (are they getting more? Is that planned? I just realized I don’t actually know.)

And bulky it was! I have quite honestly never seen such flagrant disregard for the rule of “show, don’t tell.” There was not a single ounce of subtlety or implication involved in the storytelling of RVB0. Something was either told to you explicitly, or almost entirely absent from the narrative. Essentially zilch in between. We are told the dynamic the characters have with each other, and their personality pros and cons are listed for us conveniently by Carolina. The plot develops in exposition dumps. This is partially due to the series’ short runtime, but is also very much a result of how that runtime was then used by the writers. They sacrificed a massive chunk of their show for the sake of cramming in a ton of fight scenes, and if they wanted to keep all of those fight scenes, it would have been necessary to pare down their story and characters proportionally in comparison, but they didn’t do that either. They wanted to have it both ways and there simply wasn’t enough time for it. 

The story itself is… uninteresting. It plays out more like the flimsy premise of a video game quest rather than a piece of media to be meaningfully engaged with. RVB0 is I think something I would be pitched by a guy who thinks the MCU and BNHA are the best storytelling to come out of the past decade. It is nothing but tropes. And I hate having to use this as an insult! I love tropes. The worst thing about RVB0 is that nothing it does is wholly unforgivable in its own right. Hunter x Hunter, a phenomenal shonen, is notoriously filled with pages upon pages of detailed exposition and explanations of things, and I absolutely love it. Leverage, my favorite TV show of all time, is literally nothing but a five man band who has to learn to work as a team while seemingly systematically hitting a checklist of every relevant trope in the book. Pacific Rim is an incredibly straightforward good guys vs giant monsters blockbuster to show off some cool fight scenes such as a big robot cutting an alien in half with a giant sword, and it’s some of the most fun I ever have watching a movie. Something being derivative, clunky, poorly executed in some specific areas, narratively weak, or any single one of these flaws, is perfectly fine assuming it’s done with the intention and care that’s necessary to make the good parts shine more. I’ll forgive literally any crime a piece of media commits as long as it’s interesting and/or enjoyable to consume. RVB0 is not that. I’m not sure what the main point of RVB0 was supposed to be, because it seemingly succeeds at nothing. It has absolutely nothing new or innovative to justify its lack of concern for traditional storytelling conventions. Based solely on the amount of screentime things were given, I’d be inclined to say the narrative existed mostly to give flimsy pretense for the fight scenes, but that’s an entire other can of worms.

2. The Visuals + Fights

I have no qualms with things that are all style and no substance. Sometimes you just want to see pretty colors moving on the screen for a while or watch some cool bad guys and monsters or whatever get punched. RVB0 was not this either. The show fundamentally lacked a coherent aesthetic vision. Much of the show had a rather generic sci-fi feel to it with the biggest standouts to this being the very noir looking cityscape, which my friends and I all immediately joked looked like something from a batman game, or the temple, which my friends and I all immediately joked looked like a world of warcraft raid. They were obviously attempting to get variety in their environment design, which I appreciate, but they did this without having a coherent enough visual language to feel like it was all part of the same world. In general, there was also just a lack of visual clarity or strong shots. The value range in any given scene was poor, the compositions and framing were functional at best, and the character animation was unpleasantly exaggerated. It just doesn’t really look that good beyond fancy rendering techniques.

The fight scenes are their entire own beast. Since ‘FIGHT SCENE’ is the largest single category of scenes in the show, they definitely feel worth looking at with a genuine critical eye. Or, at least, I’d like to, but honestly half the time I found myself almost unable to look at them. The camera is rarely still long enough to really enjoy what you’re watching - tracking the motion of the character AND the camera at such constant breakneck high speeds left little time to appreciate any nuances that might have been present in the choreography or character animation. I tried, believe me, I really did, but the fight scenes leave one with the same sort of dizzy convoluted spectacle as a Michael Bay transformers movie. They also really lacked the impact fight scenes are supposed to have.

It’s hard to have a good, memorable fight scene without it doing one of three things: 1. Showing off innovative or creative fighting styles and choreography 2. Making use of the fight’s setting or environment in an engaging and visually interesting way or 3. Further exploring a character’s personality or actions by the way they fight. It’s also hard to do one of these things on its own without at least touching a bit on the other two. For the most part, I find RVB0’s fight scenes fail to do this. Other than rather surface level insubstantial factors, there was little to visually distinguish any of RVB0’s fight scenes from each other. Not only did I find a lot of them difficult to watch and unappealing, I found them all difficult to watch and unappealing in an almost identical way. They felt incredibly interchangeable and very generic. If you could take a fight scene and change the location it was set and also change which characters were participating and have very little change, it’s probably not a good fight scene. 

I think “generic” is really just the defining word of RVB0 and I think that’s also why it falls short in the humor department  as well.

3. The Comedy

Funny shit is hard to write and humor is also incredibly subjective but I definitely got almost no laughs out of RVB0. I think a total of three. By far the best joke was Carolina having a cast on top of her armor, which, I must stress, is an incredibly funny gag and I love it. But overall I think the humor fell short because it felt like it was tacked on more than a natural and intentional part of this world and these characters. A lot of the jokes felt like they were just thrown in wherever they’d fit, without any build up to punchlines and with little regard for what sort of joke each character would make. Like, there was some, obviously Raymond’s sense of humor had the most character to it, but the character-oriented humor still felt very weak. When focusing on character-driven humor, there’s a LOT you can establish about characters based on what sort of jokes they choose to make, who they’re picking as the punchlines of these jokes, and who their in-universe audience for the jokes is. In RVB0, the jokes all felt very immersion-breaking and self aware, directed wholly towards the audience rather than occurring as a natural result of interplay between the characters. This is partially due to how lackluster the character writing was overall, and the previously stated tight timing, but also definitely due to a lack of a real understanding about what makes a joke land. 

A rule of thumb I personally hold for comedy is that, when push comes to shove, more specific is always going to be more funny. The example I gave when trying to explain this was this:

saying two characters had awkward sex in a movie theater: funny

saying two characters had an awkward handjob in a cinemark: even funnier

saying two characters spent 54 minutes of 11:14's 1:26 runtime trying out some uncomfortably-angled hand stuff in the back of a dilapidated cinemark that lost funding halfway through retrofitting into a dinner theater: the funniest

The more specific a joke is, the more it relies on an in-depth understanding of the characters and world you’re dealing with and the more ‘realistic’ it feels within the context of your media. Especially with this kind of humor. When you’re joking with your friends, you don’t go for stock-humor that could be pulled out of a joke book, you go for the specific. You aim for the weak spots. If a set of jokes could be blindly transplanted into another world, onto another cast of characters, then it’s far too generic to be truly funny or memorable. I don’t think there’s a single joke in RVB0 where the humor of it hinged upon the characters or the setting.

Then there’s the issue of situational comedy and physical comedy. This is really where the humor being ‘tacked on’ shows the most. Once again, part of what makes actually solid comedy land properly is it feeling like a natural result of the world you have established. Real life is absurd and comical situations can be found even in the midst of some pretty grim context, and that’s why black comedy is successful, and why comedy shows are allowed to dip into heavier subject matter from time to time, or why dramas often search for levity in humor. It’s a natural part of being human to find humor in almost any situation. The key thing, though, once again, is finding it in the situation. Many of RVB0’s attempts at humor, once again, feel like they would be the exact same jokes when stripped from their context, and that’s almost never good. A pretty fundamental concept in both storytelling in general but particularly comedy writing is ‘setup and payoff’. No joke in RVB0 is a reward for a seemingly innocuous event in an earlier scene or for an overlooked piece of environmental design. The jokes pop in when there’s time for them in between all the exposition and fighting, and are gone as soon as they’re done. There’s no long term, underlying comedic throughline to give any sense of coherence or intent to the sense of humor the show is trying to establish. Every joke is an isolated one-off quip or one-liner, and it fails to engage the audience in a meaningful way.

All together, each individual component of RVB0 feels like it was conjured up independently, without any concern to how it interacted with the larger product they were creating. And I think this is really where it all falls apart. RVB0 feels criminally generic in a way reminiscent of mass-market media which at least has the luxury of attributing these flaws, this complete and total watering down of anything unique, to heavy oversight and large teams with competing visions. But I don’t think that’s the case for RVB0. I don’t know much about what the pipeline is like for this show, but I feel like the fundamental problem it suffers from is a lack of heart.

In comparison to Red vs. Blue

Let's face it. This is a terrible successor to Red vs. Blue. I wouldn’t care if NONE of the old characters were in it - that’s not my problem. I haven’t seen past season 13 because from what I heard the show already jumped the shark a bit and then some. That’s not what makes it a poor follow up. What makes it a bad successor is that it fundamentally lacks any of the aspects of the OG RVB that made it unique or appealing at all. I find myself wondering what Torrian is trying to say with RVB0 and quite literally the only answer I find myself falling back onto is that he isn’t trying to say anything at all. Regardless of what you feel about the original RVB, it undeniably had things to say. The opening “why are we here” speech does an excellent job at establishing that this is a show intended to poke fun at the misery of bureaucracy and subservience to nonsensical systems, not just in the context of military life, but in a very broad-strokes way almost any middle-class worker can relate to. At the end of the day, fiction is at its best when it resonates with some aspect of its audience’s life. I know instantly which parts of the original Red vs Blue I’m supposed to relate to. I can’t say anything even close to that about 0.

RVB is an absurdist parody that heavily satirizes aspects of the military and life as a low-on-the-food-chain worker in general that almost it’s entire target audience will be familiar with. The most significant draw of the show to me was how the dialogue felt like listening to my friends bicker with each other in our group chats. It required no effort for me to connect with and although the narrative never outright looked to the camera and explained ‘we are critiquing the military’s stupid red tape and self-fullfilling eternal conflict’ they didn’t need to, because the writing trusted itself and its audience enough to believe this could be conveyed. It is, in a way, the complete antithesis to the badass superhero macho military man protagonist that we all know so well. RVB was saying something, and it was saying it in a rather novel format.

Nothing about RVB0 is novel. Nothing about RVB0 says anything. Nothing about it compels me to relate to any of these characters or their situations. RVB0 doesn’t feel like absurdism, or satire. RVB0 feels like it is, completely uncritically, the exact media that RVB itself was riffing off of. Both RVB0 and RVB when you watch them give you the feeling that what you’re seeing here is kids on a playground larping with toy soldiers. It’s all ridiculous and over the top cliche stupid garbage where each side is trying to one-up the other. The critical difference is, in RVB, we’re supposed to look at this and laugh at how ridiculous this is. In RVB0 we’re supposed to unironically think this is all pretty badass. 

The PFL arc of the original RVB existed to show us that setting up an elite team of supersoldiers with special powers was something done in bad faith, with poor outcomes, that left everyone involved either cruel, damaged, or dead. It was a bad thing. And what we’re seeing in RVB0 is the same premise, except, this time it’s good. We’re supposed to root for this format. RVB0 feels much more like a demo reel, cutscenes from a video game that doesn’t exist, or a shonen anime fanboy’s journal scribbling than it feels like a piece of media with any objective value in any area.  In every area that RVB was anti-establishment, RVB0 is pure undiluted establishment through and through.  

[safflowerseason]

The OC rewatch - 2x09, The Ex-Factor

To the lovely and insightful anon who sent in the ask regarding my take on Ryan and Marissa’s fight in 2x09 -

I answered the post and put half of my response under a “Keep Reading” cut because it basically turned into a mini-essay and I wanted to preserve everyone’s timelines. But because this website has the clunky design of a junkyard car, the formatting got all messed up when I added tags to the ask post (@Tumblr - why can you not tag an ask post directly?!) and moved the cut to just below the original ask, hiding the whole response, at which point I got so frustrated I deleted the whole thing. 

Anyway, Anon, you noted that this fight in 2x09 really encapsulates Ryan and Marissa’s baggage as a couple, and is also one of the few moments in the show they are genuinely open about their issues. As any Veep fans who read this blog know…I adore breaking down a good explosive fight (and I love writing them, too). One of my proudest accomplishments on this website is my close-reading of Dan and Amy’s fight in Ep. 5.03. So I analyzed the hell out of this fight for you, because you’re right—it is a very important fight for Ryan and Marissa. I also included the make-up conversation they have after the argument as well, because it seems to me that the two moments are linked. 

First, a few opening comments. 

Thematically, this episode calls back to Ep. 1.13, The Best Chrismukkah Ever, which is the last time we have really seen Ryan and Marissa confronting this idea that the way she deals with the challenges of her life—drinking and other reckless behavior—bring up very real shit for him, emotionally (even if he is also subconsciously attracted to her because of it). This dimension of their relationship kind of gets swept under the rug for the rest of S1, with the Oliver and Theresa drama. But it’s back on full display here, since Marissa is (theoretically) supposed to have spent most of the first third of S2 on a low-grade bender. Note that Ryan refers to the “Dawn Atwood special” earlier when he’s speaking to a drunk Lindsay. This is a familiar trauma, watching over a drunk woman, and it brings out the worst in him.

I also find this argument noteworthy because it shows Ryan in his worst light, but not necessarily Marissa. Yeah, she knowingly let Lindsay drink too much, which is a pretty passive-aggressive move, but she’s distinctly not Lindsay’s babysitter. And when a drunken Lindsay (somehow) makes her way back to the club, Marissa and Alex start looking after her. It’s Ryan who goes off on Marissa with very little provocation, and it’s clearly more about his own issues than hers. I just think it’s significant that this fight occurs on a night Marissa is pretty well behaved, all things considered. Not to wave away Marissa’s substance abuse issues, which are serious, but this fight at least demonstrates that Ryan’s explosions of violent overprotectiveness would not necessarily be solved if Marissa suddenly stopped drinking tomorrow. Their issues with one another are more complicated than that.

Anyway, so here we are, in the backroom of the The Bait Shop that is mysteriously run by an emancipated minor (Alex Kelly). Lindsay is passed out on the couch; Marissa and Alex are tending to her.

Marissa: I can do that. Ryan: I think you've done enough. Marissa: Oh, ok, so this is the part where you blame it all on me? Ryan: You’re right, it was Lindsay's idea to pound straight vodka and pass out…feel good to see someone else mess up for a change?

Out of all the teenagers on the show, I don’t think we ever see Ryan drink? He clearly views binge drinking as a moral failing. This is understandable given his upbringing, but alcoholism is much more than a question of good vs. bad. (Although just to be clear…I do not think binge drinking is a good thing, especially for teenagers.)

Marissa: It was her idea! And, ok, so it got a little outta control b- Ryan: It always does with you! You spent all last year trying to drag me down with you, and now her? You wanna make a mess outta your own life, fine! You’re doing a pretty good job of it if you ask me.

Ryan uses the word “mess” twice in this sequence of dialogue, which is very telling. Even more than S1, in S2 we’ve seen Ryan truly trying to capitalize on the opportunity his relationship with the Cohens has brought him. The line “drag me down with you” is extra significant. In S1, Ryan was pretty willing to throw himself into Marissa’s life and try to solve all her problems, which he views as Marissa “dragging him down.” (Lol, remember when he blew off his entrance exam for Harvard to help Marissa escape from the hospital?) But this year, Ryan has done the opposite. He’s thrown himself into things not involving Marissa, namely his schoolwork, and he clearly sees his relationship with Lindsay, studious and innocent, as part of that new direction. As a result, Marissa’s “mess” has become even more of a risk to his future.

But at the same time, Ryan is so afraid that Marissa is going to destroy her life in some way, and therefore his life. As you said, Anon, he’s conflicted about her place in his life because of the potential danger of her actions, even as he’s drawn to her beauty and vulnerability otherwise. So, he goes after her in a way that is pretty unjustified in this particular moment.

Alex: No one asked you! Ryan: (aggressively) What did you say?! Seth: Hey, Ryan, let’s…let’s go. Ryan: No, I'm not leaving her here. Alex: I’ll take care of her—you go.

As an episode that begins to set up Marissa’s relationship with Alex, this episode doesn’t do a bad job. Alex, as the one person in Marissa’s life who actually defends her, must come as an incredible relief.

And now we’re in Alex’s apartment, where Ryan has come to apologize.

Ryan: Look, I don't know…I…I guess I was hoping this could be easy...for you and me to stay friends…for you and Lindsay to be friends. Marissa: (skeptical) And have us all live happily ever after? Ryan: (sheepish) Yeah, something like that. Marissa: I know it seems like a million years ago we dated, but it wasn’t. Ryan: I know that. Marissa: And ok, maybe you're over it, maybe it doesn't mean anything to you anymore…maybe it never did...but it meant a lot to me. You meant a lot to me...still do.

I think Barton is actually decent in this scene. She doesn’t overplay Marissa’s confession. She’s very quiet and matter-of-fact, and it makes her words all the more devastating. Meanwhile, the camera cuts to Ryan’s face throughout this line, and Ben Mckenzie makes a series of expressions that make it pretty clear that Ryan has been pretty actively not thinking about his and Marissa’s relationship, because it’s just too much.

Ryan: ...it's not like that I...I don't know what it’s like… And…thinking you and Lindsay should be friends was a bad idea. Marissa: Why? I like her. And if you do the math, she's my step sister, so… Ryan: …I guess. (Mckenzie is unintentionally hilarious with this delivery.) (pause) Marissa: Look, clearly, it's gonna be strange for us for a while. Ryan: Yeah I know, you’re right. (pause, turns for the door) I’m sorry. That's what I came here to say. Marissa: I’m sorry too.

The way BM delivers that last line, genuinely heartfelt, the emphasis on the word “sorry”…it's really Ryan apologizing for his departure at the end of S1 and the manner of his return. He left abruptly, he came back abruptly, they never talked about any of it, and he and Marissa basically stopped speaking after the (contrived) DJ reveal. They never had a chance to clear the air, and it’s not like they broke up because they stopped having feelings for one other...all their joint pain over what happened has just been festering.

So, Anon, that’s my take on this great fight. Thanks so much for sending in the ask!

[sonofkhaz]

Musing: Pathologic 2

Pathologic 2 is what you get when Russian game developers down an entire bottle of Flintstone Vitamins with some Vodka while listening to Hardbass after being awake for 72 hours straight. It’s probably one of the best games I’ve played in terms of story-telling and themes. 

It’s a great game, despite some mechanical issues. A few years ago, I got the original game off of GOG and only got about halfway through before giving up out of frustration and a little bit of boredom. The sequel fixed a lot of the problems the first game had. For starters, there’s a lot less walking back and forth; rather than having to literally walk around the whole town to check up on your patients to see how they’re doing, it now tells you at the end of each day if they’re okay, in danger of infection, or infected. It’s easier to track your character’s thoughts, the map now has markers, and you can sprint instead of walking (sprinting is now a feature, yes). You can use a ferry system to fast-travel around town at the cost of a coin called a Fingernail, and you can hold down CTRL to highlight points of interest and characters you can speak to.

Despite being praised in Russia and having very positive reviews (91% at the time of writing this) on Steam, the game didn’t get much traction upon its release in the west, with “game journalists”, a term I still don’t fully understand, comparing its difficulty to Dark Souls (yeah, some people still use Dark Souls as the litmus test for game difficulty) and claiming that it has Skyrim-inspired RPG elements. It’s as if “game journalists” have never played anything outside of Bioware games, Skyrim, Dark Souls and Pokemon.

Yeah...despite the fact that comparing a game like Pathologic 2 to something like Dark Souls or Skyrim is completely obtuse and ignorant, I think I understand where the frustration comes from, which I’ll get to later.

The game takes place in Town-On-Gorkhon, an isolated town in the steppes built upon contradictions. From a glance, the town might just look like your average early 20th century Russian town, but it’s inhabited by two groups of people: the Townsfolk, who are just becoming industrialized, and the Kinfolk, a group of Steppe nomads who hold veneration for bulls because they believe that the town rests on the back of a giant auroch, Mother Boddha. In addition, the latter group has a species of humanoids called Worms who water the ground with blood to grow plants, women called Herb Brides who dance in the steppes to make the twyre bloom, and other practices. Despite the contrasts, the two are not at complete odds at each other; rather, both cultures have meshed together.

In the first game, there were 3 different playable characters, but for now you’re only able to play as Artemy Burakh, the Haruspex. His father was a Kin doctor and his mother was a Townsfolk. After six years of medical school, Artemy is called back home by an urgent letter from his father, only to find out that he’s been murdered. See, a haruspex was someone in history who could divine the future from entrails; since Artemy is technically a surgeon who just returned to a town where cutting arteries, attacking someone with a knife, and digging holes in the ground are all considered taboo, he’s the primary suspect, so everyone hates his guts. People will initially refuse to trade with you, shopkeepers won’t sell their goods, and some people will try to attack you in the street. In the wake of this, a mysterious plague referred to only as the Sand Pest hits the town.

Pathologic 2 is like an adventure game and a “horror survival” tied into one. The imagery of the game goes from uncanny valley to flat out dark, with red pustules and moss-like substances growing on the buildings and streets of infected districts, infected townsfolk shuffling towards you to try and infect you, and plague clouds that manifest and chase you down the street. If you’re unfortunate to get infected with the plague, you hear voices in your head telling you, gently, to lay down and die so your suffering can cease. While you’re trying to find a cure and trying to save NPCs from the plague, you yourself are trying to survive.

Your overall survival is dependent on more than just your health bar. Sergei tries to shank you for your track suit and Semechki seeds, yeah, your health will go down if he manages to hit you. But then you have to factor in your hunger, exhaustion, immunity, and stamina/thirst. You’re hungry, so you eat some toast, but now your thirst meter is going up; while it’s not immediately detrimental, it affects the duration you’re able to sprint and fight. Your exhaustion meter is full, so you lay down to sleep for a few hours, but now your hunger is going back up and you’ve just spent precious hours that could have potentially have been used doing something else. Uh oh, you just got hit with a plague cloud and your immunity is dropping - do you use the immunity boosters/tinctures you were saving for patients to bring it back up, or are you going to take the risk and wait for it to slowly climb back to where it was?

Any time you die, your screen blacks out and you speak to Mark Immortell the Theatre Director, who gives you a tut-tut-tutting on dying and sends you back to your last save file with a penalty. Your maximum health/exhaustion meters are reduced, you get hungrier and more tired as time progresses, so on and so forth. These all stack, and they’re all permanent across all save files, so there’s no going back to scum save to prevent the penalties. If you die enough, you get visited by a friend who will offer to remove your current and future penalties forever...for a cost that you may not learn of until it’s too late to change your mind.

This ties back to my previous statement about how people were criticizing this game. A lot of survival games in modern gaming tend to be generous towards the player in terms of, well, survival - you have a meter that’s running low, or a supply that’s dwindling, so you stop whatever you’re doing to rectify the situation. Should you fail there’s usually an “out” by returning to a previous save. You can’t do this in Pathologic; one reason being mentioned in the previous paragraph. Another is the fact that time is always working against you - really, the only moment where time tends to stop moving is if you’re in a dream sequence or if you physically pause the game. The clock is always ticking so you need to frequently assess the efficiency of what you’re doing and if it will pay off in the long run. The game has a lot of choices, and not in Peter Molyneux’s Fable or Black and White perspectives of “choice”. The decisions can vary greatly. Let’s say that one of your friends needs a water barrel because they want to get water for the poor and impoverished in their district. Well meaning, but what if it infects the neighbors? The hospital needs the tinctures you need to boost the immunity of nameless patients; everyone will like you more if you carry the task out, and you’ll get paid the next day, but what if tomorrow means that half a dozen cast characters get infected and you don’t have the time to make more tinctures? 

Critics of Pathologic 2 have bemoaned the fact that you can’t just walk around, immune to virtually anything and everything, and talk to the NPCs while freely exploring the town to learn more about the Sand Pest and the overall story. The desire to know more about the story is a fair point, but here’s where I see the problem: There’s a genre of story-driven adventure style games, usually referred to as “Walking Simulators”, that are typically praised and lauded by the “video games are art” crowd. Games like Dear Esther, Firewatch, What Remains of Edith Finch, and Gone Home are usually put in this category.

The difference between Pathologic 2 and those games is that the latter group takes a more “hands-off” approach in their storytelling. You don’t have a lot of interactivity or mechanics that directly tie into the games. The named NPCs you speak with in Pathologic 2 are fleshed out; it’s personal because Artemy Burakh has history with them, and the decisions that you make, or don’t make, will ultimately decide their survival. Many of them have multiple outcomes; you speak with them, see their angles, see what information they may be willing to give out or abstain from initially giving, so on and so forth. The game pushes you towards investing them emotionally. Not only are you trying to save them from the plague, but you’re trying to save yourself. You’re also trying not to starve, you’re also trying not to get infected. Rather than watching a sinking ship, you’re part of the crew trying to bail the water out and plug the hole. 

Not all the mechanics are perfect. Guns and their ammo, while being extremely rare/expensive to find, have a tendency to jam up way too much and hitboxes can be choosy. Hand-to-hand combat can feel clunky, and the inventory can be a colossal pain in the ass to manage since the game does not auto-sort individual stacks and uses Diablo-style inventory management. However, I have very rarely seen things like these critiqued by the “video games are art” crowd; rather, they complain about the meter management. The problems of the town seem real because you’re in it as well. Without having to manage your meters, making sacrifices and decisions, it takes away the conditions that make moments in the game memorable.

Remember: Failure is a very real, understandable and relatable aspect of human life and society. There are times in life where you fail repeatedly before you see the light at the end of the tunnel and triumph. One of the marketing pitches of this game was, “You can’t save everybody”. For example, I spent three consecutive days treating Andrey Stamatin after he was afflicted with the Sand Pest, and it ultimately came to naught because he died anyway. Some of the game's most memorable moments and interesting dialogue come when you are unsuccessful, because the game knows that you’re going to fail at some points even when you try your best.

Overall, would I recommend Pathologic 2? Absolutely. Would I recommend it to someone who cares about story-driven games? Totally. Would I recommend it to people who have low frustration walls? No.

[grigori77]

The Works of Ridley Scott - My Top Ten

So I decided I’d drop another series of big post lumps of spam on you guys by rocking my favourite directors’ works by rating my personal favourites of each, and I figured what better place to start than my absolute number one, so here we go - these are my very favourite films of my absolute cinematic IDOL, the master of British auteur filmmakers.  Enjoy ...

10.  EXODUS: GODS & KINGS

It takes a really ballsy filmmaker to try and make a big budget live action Ten Commandments movie after Cecil B. DeMille’s monstrous Technicolour epic, but guts is something Scott’s never been lacking in, and the result is one of his most striking offerings of recent years, a meaty revisionist take on the Book of Exodus that jettisons most of the mysticism to concentrate on the gritty human struggle at its heart.  It’s the story of two warring brothers and the lengths each is willing to go to in order to achieve their opposing ends, and while Scott typically delivers BIG TIME on the spectacle and immersive world-building, where he really shines is as an actor’s director, here rightly focusing on the deeply complex relationship between Christian Bale’s Moses and Joel Edgerton’s Pharaoh Ramesses II.  The end result is a lesser known but no less worthy swords-and-sandals epic than his signature entry to the genre.

9.  PROMETHEUS

Like many fans of the Xenomorph saga he helped create, I was excited but also understandably wary of his return to the franchise with a proposed “prequel”, and to be honest as an Alien movie this actually is a bit of a mess, trying a little too hard to apply that connective tissue and ultimately failing more than it succeeds (indeed, as a franchise entry, direct sequel Alien: Covenant is a far more successful effort). Personally, I’ve always preferred to simply consider it as a film in its own right, and as a standalone sci-fi horror thriller this is a CRACKING film, insidious, atmospheric, moody and magnificent in equal measure, Scott weaving a sense of dangerous mystery and palpable dread throughout that grips from enigmatic start to devastating finish.  Noomi Rapace is an excellent Ripley-substitute, but the true breakaway star of the film is Michael Fassbender as twisted android sociopath David, just as chilling as the horrors he unleashes on his unsuspecting crewmates.

8.  THELMA & LOUISE

To be brutally honest, Ridley’s output in the 1990s was largely unimpressive (White Squall left me cold, while 1492: Conquest of Paradise was technically brilliant but discouragingly slow and disjointed, and I think we can all agree cinema would be better off if GI Jane had never happened), but at least he got the decade off to a strong start with this beautiful, lyrical, heartfelt and undeniably powerful tale of unerring friendship triumphing against fearful odds.  It may have been directed by a man, but it was written by a woman (Callie Khouri, creator of TV’s Nashville, who rightly won a Best Original Screenplay Oscar for her astounding work) and is unapologetically told from a woman’s point of view, which is finally becoming an accepted thing in blockbuster filmmaking, but back then it was still a new concept, and you have to applaud Scott for being one of its pioneers.  It may be most well known these days for giving Brad Pitt his big break, but the film’s focus is VERY MUCH on Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon as the titular friends, forced to go on the run after an innocent night out goes horribly wrong.  After becoming one of THE hot ticket date movies of the 90s, it’s still fondly remembered for its heartfelt message, gentle humour and powerful climax.

7.  BLACK RAIN

Probably the closest Ridley ever came to capturing his brother Tony Scott’s more popcorn-friendly brand of super-slick, glossy blockbuster fare was this Japan-set fish-out-of-water cop flick, but he couldn’t help adding a real weight and substance to the final product, and the result is one of my very favourite thrillers of the 80s.  Michael Douglas was riding high after his Academy Award win for Wall Street, but his performance as hot-headed maverick NYPD detective Nick Conklin has always been my personal favourite, and he shares strong chemistry with a young Andy Garcia as his wise-cracking partner Charlie Vincent, but the film’s understated secret weapon is heavyweight Japanese character actor Ken Takakura as Masahiro, the stoic, by-the-book Osaka police inspector they’re forced to team up with in order to capture rogue Yakuza underboss Sato (a deliciously feral turn from the Yūsaku Matsuda in his very last screen role before his death just months after the film’s release) and bust an international counterfeiting ring.  This is definitely Scott’s glossiest film, but there’s hidden depth behind the neon-drenched visuals, the expertly staged set-pieces perfectly countered by a robust story, precision-crafted character work and bucket-loads of emotional heft (especially surrounding the film’s high point, one of the most devastating character deaths in cinematic history).  It may not be held in the high regard of many of his more “sophisticated” films, but in my opinion it’s just as worthy of recognition, and I’ll defend it to the death. 

6.  THE MARTIAN

Scott’s last truly GREAT film (to date, anyway) is also one of his most effortlessly likeable, a breathless, breezy and thoroughly FUN adaptation of the bestselling debut novel of space-exploration geek Andy Weir.  Matt Damon must have been born to play Mark Watney, an astronaut in the third manned mission to Mars who is accidentally left for dead on the surface when the crew are forced to evacuate by a catastrophic dust storm; alone and with no means of escape, Watney must use all his scientific smarts to survive long enough for NASA’s desperate rescue mission to reach him.  He’s a thoroughly endearing everyman hero we can’t help rooting for, self-deprecating and oozing sass all day long, and in his company the film’s two-and-a-half hours simply RACE by, while one of Scott’s strongest ever supporting casts (which includes Jessica Chastain, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Sean Bean and a glorious scene-stealing cameo from Donald Glover) once again proves that he really is one of the very best actor’s directors around. Thoroughly ingenious, visually stunning and frequently laugh-out-loud hilarious, this is definitely Scott’s most endearing film to date, about as perfect a popcorn flick as you’re gonna find outside the MCU …

5.  KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (Director’s Cut)

Certainly the most maligned film in his oeuvre, this has perhaps the most troubled production history of ALL his works, famously mauled in post as 20th Century Fox rushed to get the still unfinished feature ready enough for its summer 2005 release, the clunky theatrical cut understandably met with mixed reviews and somewhat underperforming at the box office.  Thank the gods, then, for Scott’s unerring perfectionism – he couldn’t rest with that lacklustre legacy, so he knuckled down and produced what is, in my opinion, the very best of all his director’s cuts, reinstating an unprecedented FIFTY MINUTES of missing material which doesn’t just flesh out character arcs but frequently creates an entirely new, far richer and MUCH more rewarding overall narrative, and the final feature was met with thoroughly well-deserved critical acclaim. Not only is this one of my favourite Ridley Scott films, it’s one of my very favourite historical epics PERIOD, a magnificently rich, sprawling saga of blood, sex, honour and courtly intrigue as we follow blacksmith-turned-knight Balian (Orlando Bloom in one of his very best roles) on his quest for redemption in the Holy Land at the height of the Third Crusade.  This is still one of the director’s most expensive films, and EVERY PENNY is right there on the screen, each scene designed to perfection and dripping in astounding period detail, while the sweeping cinematography is some of the very best in his entire catalogue, and the battle sequences so expansively vast they even put Gladiator’s opening to shame.  So, far from being his greatest folly, this was ultimately one of Scott’s greatest triumphs, and I can’t recommend it enough.

4.  BLACK HAWK DOWN

In my opinion, this is the absolute PEAK of Scott’s cinematic achievements to date as an action director – almost two-and-a-half hours of relentless blood, bullets, smoke and terror that’s as exhilarating as it is exhausting, as emotionally uplifting as it is harrowing, quite simply the DEFINITIVE portrayal of the bonds of brotherhood forged by men under fire.  The film tells the story of the Battle of Mogadishu in 1993, 24 blood-soaked hours in which US military forces were trapped behind enemy lines and besieged on all sides by hostile Somali forces after a botched raid saw two Black Hawk helicopters shot down, precipitating a snowballing military catastrophe and a bitter fight for survival.  Certainly the film takes many liberties with the historical accuracy (then again that’s pretty much Hollywood’s standard approach regarding true story war movies), but there’s no denying it perfectly captures the desperate chaos the soldiers must have faced on the day, throwing the viewer headfirst into a dusty, noisy hell and refusing to let him out again.  The action sequences are some of the finest I have EVER seen committed to film, but the film has just as much heart as guts, tugging our heartstrings and jerking plenty of tears because we really come to care about these boys and what happens to them.  Intense, rousing, explosive, provocative – definitely the action highlight of Scott’s oeuvre.

3.  ALIEN

It may have some decidedly humble beginnings, but the opening chapter in the other jewel in 20th Century Fox’s sci-fi franchise crown is now considered to be THE greatest science fiction horror film of all time, and rightly so – it’s a textbook example of a flawlessly-executed high-concept “haunted house in space” flick, a master-class in slow-building atmospherics, sustained tension and some truly hair-raising shocks that are as fresh and effective today as they were back in 1979.  Not bad for something that started out as a pulpy B-picture script from Dan O’Bannon (co-writer and star of John Carpenter’s cult feature debut and one-time student film Dark Star).  The cast is stellar (ahem), dominated OF COURSE by then pretty much unknown young upstart Sigourney Weaver in what REMAINS the greatest role of her decidedly impressive career, but the true star of the film is the creature itself, the late H.R. Giger’s twisted, primal design teased with consummate skill to maximise the stealthy effectiveness of what has become the definitive extraterrestrial nightmare fuel of sci-fi cinema.  Ultimately I’m more of an Aliens fan myself, but I don’t deny that this is a MASTERPIECE of the genre, and I f£$%ing LOVE IT.

2.  GLADIATOR

It may have been usurped by Kingdom of Heaven as Scott’s most ambitious film, but his first dabble in swords-and-sandals cinema remains the best of his historical epics, and at the time proved to be a MASSIVE shot in the arm for what had long become a flagging, largely forgotten genre, spawning a veritable LEGION of bandwagon-jumping followers.  Needless to say, NOBODY does this better than Scott, who brought the opulent excess of ancient Rome and its vast empire to vivid life in all its bloodthirsty, duplicitous detail, from the back-stabbing intrigues of the Senate to the life-and-death drama of the Coliseum. The script is rich and heady stuff (penned as it is by former playwright John Logan), exquisitely performed by a premium-cut cast (particularly impressive was the late Oliver Reed in his very last screen role) and bolstered by some of the most impressive battle scenes ever committed to film, but the true driving force of the film is the ferocious antagonism between the hero and villain, Russell Crowe and Joaquin Phoenix both making the transition from rising-stars to genuine A-listers with major box office clout thanks to their truly electrifying performances.  After his relative creative slump in the 90s, Scott’s first offering of the new Millennium proved the start of a major renaissance in his work, and thankfully it’s shown no sign of flagging since …

1.  BLADE RUNNER

Not only is this my favourite film by my favourite director, but also what, if I was REALLY PRESSED, I would have to call my very favourite movie EVER.  I’m gonna be waxing most lyrical about this in great detail when I drop my big-screen sci-fi Top Ten on here, so I don’t want to talk about it TOO MUCH here … suffice to say this has been a dominant fixture in my favourites since my early adolescence, when I first stumbled across it on TV one Saturday night, and even though it was the theatrical cut with its clunky voice-over and that ridiculous tacked-on happy ending, I was instantly captured by its searing visionary brilliance and dark, brutally nihilistic power, so when Scott finally released his first Director’s Cut I was already DEEPLY in love with this film.  Sure, being a Star Wars fan, Harrison Ford will ALWAYS be Han Solo for me (along with Indiana Jones, of course), but my personal favourite role of his career is Rick Deckard, the sleazy, downtrodden and world-weary android-hunting gumshoe stumbling through his most deadly case in the mean streets of rain-lashed cyberpunk megalopolis Los Angeles circa 2019, while Rutger Hauer effortlessly steals the film as his mercurial nemesis, live-fast-die-young Nexus 6 Roy Batty.  This is still THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FILM I HAVE EVER SEEN, the visual effects work still standing up perfectly today, the exquisite design work and peerless atmospheric cinematography rightly going on to inform and influence an entire genre of science-fiction both on the big screen and off, and I cannot recommend it enough to anyone who hasn’t already seen it.  Deliciously dark, fiendishly intelligent and heart-rending in its stubborn refusal to deliver easy answers or present us with a cathartic HAPPY ending (no matter what the theatrical cut might want you to think), this really is as good as cinema gets.

There you have it, my top movies from the man I personally consider to be the greatest filmmaker around tody, and here’s hoping we’re gonna see a lot more from him yet ... Sir Ridley Scott, knight of the f£$%ing realm ...

[frostedravens]

More Than Some Thumbscrews

@badthingshappenbingo​

Also on AO3

Prompt: Thumbscrew Fandom: Original Content Warnings: Torture, non-consensual drug use, syringe, attempted forced addiction, blood

“You’re going to tell me where your friends ran off and how you managed to maintain that illusion for so long.”

“Mm, I think I’ll pass, actually.”

“You don’t have a choice.”

The Tenzu grinned at the Duke, blood on his lips, staining his teeth a wicked crimson, “There’s always a choice.”

“I suppose you are correct- but is that a choice you want to be making?” Duke Myron held up a clunky device made of iron and idly tapped at the screw in the top.

The Tenzu laughed, “If you think a set of thumbscrews is enough to make me break my contract then you’ve earned your epithet, Mad Duke.”

“If it’s about a contract, I can give you a better one. Name your price.”

“Sorry, Your Madness, I don’t break contracts,” the Tenzu shrugged in his chains bruises dark against russet skin. “Not even upon threats of pain, dismemberment, or death.”

“Is that so.”

It wasn’t a question and the Tenzu didn’t answer, just met the Duke’s displeased gaze with another grin, the same grin that had never failed to provoke the guards he’d been assigned since Apollos’ escape. The Duke’s reaction wasn’t as dramatic- there was no swearing, just a tightening of his lips and a narrowing of already narrowed eyes- but the Tenzu picked up on it anyway and grinned all the wider.

“Grab his hands.”

The Tenzu contemplated kicking the man that came over and grabbed him but it’d be too much strain on his wings to go any further, pinned as they were to the wall. If he hadn’t been able to shut off the nerve endings in his extremities and his back, he was pretty sure he would’ve gone unresponsive days ago.

As it was, he was pretty sure his continued consciousness was disconcerting to his captors, used as they were to human prisoners and human limits. They knew how to press and break those, but the Tenzu was a creature all to his own and he’d known from the moment they’d gotten captured that he’d have to buy time for the others, time for Apollos to recover and to figure out a way to fix everything that had gone wrong here.

He wasn’t entirely pleased about spending the weeks being tortured in a dungeon, but at least he was getting paid for this. That, and destroying the Duke later would be so much more satisfying now.

“Tell me where your friends have gone.”

“Can’t do that, I don’t have friends.”

The Duke scowled at him, “Nuances. Where did they go?”

The Tenzu shrugged again, “Even if I could tell you, which I can’t, I wouldn’t. They’re long gone and I can’t wait for this to finally sink into your thick skull, dear Duke.”

Metal creaked as the Duke twisted the screw, pressing the spiked bar down. The Tenzu watched dispassionately as blood welled up, wondering if he should scream like before to lull them into thinking they were doing anything. It seemed like such work for nothing- keeping silent would infuriate the Duke far faster and be more entertaining.

Thank the Ancestors for their shapeshifting abilities and intricate studies.

Something cracked in his thumb and oh, yes, he definitely should have felt that. Too bad for the Duke he’d been prepared this time around.

“What is wrong with you?”

“Told you, Your Madness, it’ll take a hell of a lot more than some thumbscrews, chains, and some whips to make me break my contract,” he gave the man a lazy grin, letting his eyes swirl in a kaleidoscope of colours that most people couldn’t stare at for long.

The Duke made a disgusted noise and gestured for the guard to let go. He grabbed the chain that ran between the Tenzu’s wrists and yanked him forward, drawing fresh blood from the abused wings behind him. The Tenzu’s lazy grin didn’t falter, even though he knew that the more damage his wings took, the worse it’d be when he finally rebuilt his nerves to allow them to heal properly. In fact, all of this was continuously making things worse for himself, but it was worth it.

Hopefully.

“I will bend you to my will.”

The Tenzu snickered, “Sure you will.”

“What exactly is so funny?”

“Nothing you’d find funny. A bit of a pedantic mishap on your part.”

The Duke’s pale face coloured and he dropped the chain, “You piece of-”

“Now, now, dearest Duke, you wouldn’t be losing your temper, would you? Of course not, not in front of your men and all,” the Tenzu took the chance to lean back and smirked at the rage turning the Duke’s pale skin a rather ugly shade of purple.

“One of you! Go fetch Albert and tell him to bring the Devil’s Tongue.”

The guards shared a look and the Tenzu raised an eyebrow, “Now there’s a properly scary name. Are you going to keep me in suspense? How terribly rude of you.”

The Duke ignored him and gestured to another guard, “When Albert gets here, you are going to hold this fiend’s arms out straight and you are not to let go until I say so. Do you understand?”

The guard nodded fearfully and crouched next to the Tenzu, reeking of sweat and fear. It was an unpleasant tang and the Tenzu wondered how the man bore the stench of himself, willfully following the nonsensical trail of thoughts to keep himself from wondering what the ‘Devil’s Tongue’ was. Some sort of whip, like as not, but why the arms?

The Tenzu caught himself and focused on the guard’s patchy beard, coated in what was probably an unhealthy layer of oil that did nothing for the shape or the smell of it. He wondered just how flammable it was, if it was flammable at all.

His musings were interrupted by a scrawny man scurrying into the cell, a much put-upon guard following, carrying a leather satchel. A pungent scent followed the man in, almost medicinal, were it not for the sharpness of it.

The Duke smiled and clapped the man on the back, nearly sending him straight into the Tenzu’s lap, “Albert, glad to have you.”

“It is an honour to be here, Your Grace,” Albert dipped his head formally, but his eyes were fixed on the Tenzu.

The Tenzu smirked back at him.

Duke Myron scowled, “As I am sure you can tell, I am having a bit of a problem with our newest acquisition. Is the Devil’s Tongue prepared?”

“Yes, Your Grace. Will you be doing the honours?”

The Duke released Albert and shook his head, “No, I shall be leaving that to your expertise. He will not struggle.”

“Are you sure about that, oh mighty Duke?” The Tenzu gave him an insouciant grin.

Duke Myron’s scowl returned and deepened, “Guards, hold him.”

Once the Tenzu was successfully held down- one guard on each leg, one on each shoulder, and one holding his arms even though his hands were still trapped in the thumbscrews- Duke Myron gestured to Albert, who’d been busily digging in the satchel.

The Tenzu’s grin slipped just a fraction as Albert withdrew a vial of cardinal red liquid, all but glowing when it caught the torchlight, “What’s that, then?”

“A wonderful little thing that Albert created, a medicine that makes even the strongest will bend in submission,” Duke Myron grinned at the way the Tenzu’s eyes narrowed. “It curls through your veins and brings the most potent pleasure you can imagine. One dose is never enough. You will be begging me for more by tomorrow.”

The Tenzu considered his options and limitations- fighting and getting out was, in theory, possible, but he’d have to do it entirely on foot with the whole city swarming after him and who knew if Apollos and the others were safe enough yet to risk it. He’d told them that they’d have six weeks.

They were halfway through week two.

So he’d stay, then. Perhaps this drug would have no effect on him- it wasn’t like Albert could’ve built it for something like him anyway. The Tenzu wasn’t even sure if his people could get addicted to the same substances that humans could.

He couldn’t keep himself from tensing up as Albert came over with a strange little device in his hand, a little metal tube with what looked like a very long needle coming out of one end and a loop on the other end.

“It’ll only hurt worse if you tense up.”

The Tenzu raised an eyebrow, “Shouldn’t that make your job easier?”

Albert tapped along his arms and the Tenzu resisted the urge to kick out, “Not always, but this will have to do.”

The Tenzu inhaled sharply as Albert drove the needle into his skin, pushing the loop down on the other end of the tube. Something crawled from the tiny injury and the Tenzu immediately hated the sensation, shuddering.

Duke Myron gave a slow smile, “Now, we wait. Release him, but leave the chains.”

“What about the thumbscrews, sir?”

“Leave it, we’ll be using it in a few minutes to measure the effects,” he stepped forward to take Albert’s place and leaned over the Tenzu. “Where is your bravado now?”

The Tenzu inhaled, shoving the sensation of something foreign sliding into his veins and offered a fanged grin, “Still here, Your Madness.”

The Duke’s smile slipped and he stepped back, turning to Albert. He started talking, but his voice faded from the Tenzu’s interest as his arm started burning. Fire licked beneath his skin, tracing a burning path from the tiny puncture wound all the way up to his shoulder.

It hurt. How in all the hells the Duke thought this was meant to be addicting was beyond him.

He struggled to regain some semblance of focus as the Duke stepped back over, lips curled into a sinister smile that brought forth a sudden and deep longing in the Tenzu to smash that pasty face into a wall.

“I see it’s working.”

“Go. Fuck. Yourself.”

The Duke tossed his head back and laughed, “So it does work on you!”

The Tenzu hissed at him, slit pupils narrowing.

Albert hummed anxiously off to the side, “Your Grace, it doesn’t appear…”

Duke Myron waved him off, “He’s just struggling. Let’s see if we can’t give him a reason to stop.”

He leaned down and grabbed the thumbscrews, twisting violently.

Agony lanced through the Tenzu’s hands, mixing with the fire blistering through his veins until it was hard to tell what was the source of the pain. Even his wings had begun throbbing, tender skin torn and tattered by the spikes driven through it.

It hurt.

The Duke grinned.

The Tenzu closed his eyes shut and sank willfully into the dark.

[spacezeta]

Devlog - About combat, or: let’s threaten the player

So here’s the devlog about combat that I was going to write the other week but then the camera one turned out way too long!

And if you thought the camera one was long, boy do I have a surprise for you...

So here’s a fairly long (and a little bit rant-y) write-up of my thought process about to combat or not to combat, and how to raise the stakes in a horror game in order to give more substance to the ‘horror’ part.

*Emphasis on thought process because as the game is still in development, I’m still figuring out the proper mechanics of it all

---

When we first started making this game, one of the first things that we ended up establishing was that there would be no combat. And looking back I’m not sure why - it just kind of... was. I guess it was to make things easier, but on hindsight we really should have thought that more thoroughly.

So that was the first version of the game that we developed (we had a sort of demo alpha thing done as a student project), but right away there were some glaring issues that needed to be addressed (hence the whole ‘reestructuring of the game’ that I’ve mentioned a few times before). One of the biggest issues weren’t exactly about combat, but rather how to create a tense atmosphere for the player. So follow me down the rabbit hole until I get to the bit about combat!

So. We’re making a horror game, right? And when you’re making a horror game you don’t want the player to feel all safe and happy and calm, you want them to feel tense, to be on edge, and, most importantly, you want to scare the living shit out of them. So how do we go about achieving that?

(No, not jumpscares, you cut that shit out right now)

What I think you should to (emphasis on I and think, as in, personal opinion, and you should, as in, me making this game) is basically make the player feel threatened. You make the player feel scared to enter a room because they don’t know what might be lurking inside. Have a constant threat of something looming over the player’s head everywhere they go. And while that might be an easy concept to grasp, the big issue lies in what exactly that threat is.

(No, not jumpscares! I said stop that!)

So here’s the thing about jumpscares:

They’re not a bad thing... when used in conjunction with other things. Used by itself, it’s just a very cheap way to get a reaction from the player. Sure, a monster popping out of nowhere to scream in your face is going to startle you - but that’s just it. It’s startling the player, not scaring them. If your brother hid in the dark to pop out and scream at you when you come in the room, you’re gonna be startled. And then you’re gonna be angry because that’s just not what normal person should be doing, Peter.

But anyway. A jumpscare is also only really effective the first few handful of times, because after that it loses its power and the player will probably just be going ‘Oh, boo to you too, Mr. Monster’. You need to save up on the jumpscares to only use them when a perfect opportunity arises (like when the tension is at its highest, or when the player is least expecting it and quickly build tension). There are a lot of situations where a jumpscare can come in handy, but it should never be used by itself. If you’re gonna Boo! at the player, Boo! at the player and then do something else along with it.

(Also I have a jumpscare pet peeve when jumpscares make absolutely no sense in-universe. Like, I can understand a monster screaming - monsters are, you could say, prone to shrieking and loud noises, so it makes sense. But when a horror game or movie have a thing pop out with a loud sound, a thing that by all means and laws of physics should make no sound whatsoever, it just grinds my gears so friggin much. Worse yet when the characters react to it! Boo, camera cut! Boo, title card says TUESDAY! Boo, there’s some paint on the wall! Boy what a loud wall!)

But I digress.

So, about the threatening the player bit...

How do we threaten the player to make them feel unsafe? That was the trickiest part to figure out during initial development.

One option is going for the being chased by enemies route. Think something like Outlast or Amnesia, where there’s no combat and you have to run away and hide from monsters to survive. Aaand we kind of just ruled that out. Partly because the map isn’t all that big which might have just ended up with the enemy and player running around in circles, and partly because if you don’t do it properly you might end up with something less threatening, and more troublesome. Like, say, you’re in the middle of completing a puzzle and suddenly an enemy pops out and you have to drop everything to run all the way back to shake them off to finally be able to go back and do what you were trying to do in the first place - that kind of troublesome.

A second option is having combat. Or enemies that appear and that you can deal with in one way or the other. Aaand we also ruled that out and I just don’t know what the friggity frack we were thinking. I was very dumb, essentially. I think I was influenced by this current trend in horror games to have no combat whatsoever, in order to maybe leave the player feeling helpless in the face of danger. And honestly, I should have just taken a long hard look at the horror classics that are influencing this game and realized: the!! friggin!! combat!! it’s there!!! dammit!!

So, no chasing and no combat. What the hell do we do?

Basically I did this thing of trying to make an idea work that clearly does not work but I tried and tried anyway instead of letting it go and it’s basically a really bad thing that I do, and now that I’m finally aware of doing it I’m trying really hard to stop.

Note to self: if an idea isn’t working, let it go! Try something else!

Long story short what we tried to do was this thing where being around an enemy drained your health/sanity/whatever and you needed to escape the room to be safe by pressing a series of quick time events to open the door and leave. It didn’t work.

So there’s combat now! The end!

Well, okay, not really.

So, combat at last.

When I say combat, I don’t mean the action-game-one-man-army kind of combat. I mean the combat that’s of the I-have-a-rusty-pipe-and-will-smack-the-shit-out-of-any-ugly-thing-that-comes-my-way-oh-god-what-the-hell-is-that-maybe-I-should-just-run kind. Think of the first Silent Hill games, the first Resident Evils and even Fatal Frame, where the combat essentially boils down to being a ghost paparazzo.

So, now that we’ve decided on combat, the looming threat that I mentioned before becomes fairly well defined: it’s the possibility of an enemy encounter. You can even play with that expectation, like having one or two fake out scares (just do not overdo - I’m looking at you, scenes of a random cat jumpscaring you out of nowhere), or by pulling the rug out from underneath the player by having an enemy pop out in a seemingly safe area and give them trust issues.

But for the player to dread meeting an enemy means the combat can’t be easy - but it also can’t be frustrating otherwise it just fails as a game mechanic. The player can’t breeze through enemy encounters, each one needs to feel like an actual threat that the player has to deal with (either by killing them or tactically retreating a.k.a. running away please don’t hurt me).

Kind of a side rant: Honestly, if someone asked me what the downfall of the Resident Evil games as a horror series was, I’d probably say it started with the combat. Not all of it, but I’d say a good deal of the blame was there. *Please note I haven’t played either RE7 (as someone who tends to get motion sickness, first person games are things that I avoid) or the RE2 remake (this one I will get as soon as it goes on sale because games are expensive and I got no money).

I mean, I still love RE4 with all my heart and those Regenerators will live on inside my nightmares, but I thought earlier games felt much more tense because the combat in 4 was a lot more action-y than horror-y, though it hadn’t entirely tilted over to the action side... Then 5 came and ruined it all and then 6 came and was like ‘what’s a horror game’ (and I say this as someone who had fun with 6!) and the rest is history.

But it did get me thinking about one thing: the combat mechanics. I found myself frustrated when trying to go back to older Resident Evil games and struggled to deal with the bare bones combat and the clunky tank controls (granted, the latter more than the former), so I started wondering how much of the tension in older games had to do with actual horror, and how much of it was due to the insecurity you get when dealing with awkward controls in a moment of crisis.

Playing around with combat mechanics

So, having figured out that I wanted combat, the question became ‘how to combat’. Or something along those lines. I didn’t want to make things too easy, but I also didn’t want to make the player frustrated.

Here’s the part where I repeat what I said right at the top of this post: as the game is still in development, I’m still figuring out the proper mechanics of it all.  So basically I’m just gonna register here what my experiments have been so far, and, like I said in the camera devlog, there are no tank-like controls because those are just a pain to deal with.

So at first I made it so you could only attack after aiming... But then that felt clunky as hell considering this is melee. So I scrapped that idea and made it so you could walk and attack at the same time.

I did keep the aiming part though, but made it optional: you can still walk and attack, but attacking while aiming will deal higher damage.

And in the spirit of keeping the player from just mashing the attack button I’m trying out a little something: Chaining attacks to deal higher damage but also making it so that, should the player press the attack button again too fast, the animation will restart, basically cancelling the previous attack. This would be a nightmare in a fast paced action game but since it’s not, I’m hoping it’ll force the player to be a bit more careful when confronting an enemy without it becoming a frustrating mechanic so, again, it needs more playtesting!

Also enemies can also chain attack you for higher damage!

And that’s basically it! I’m sorry if after all this buildup it ended up being disappointing oops

But considering Observo is going to be a somewhat short game I don’t have the time to develop a complex battle system that’s just not gonna be used a lot in a game with puzzles as the main focus. So that’s it! Thank you so much to anyone who’s still reading this at this point, haha

[fathercharlesoffdensen]

In Defense of Fat Thor

I not only enjoyed Thor’s portrayal in Endgame, but found it to be a productive and well-developed(/acted, DAMN, Chris Hemsworth) characterization that has been steadily building up across each consecutive movie. Caveat: I do not fault anyone for being skeptical that the directors, etc. had it in them, considering the clunky nature of some of their previous creations, to say nothing of some of their interviews, etc. I am also not 100% surprised to see people maligning Fat Thor, and/or saying they don’t understand his trajectory and/or that they felt some of the humor at his expense took away from the legitimacy of having a fat, depressed, anxious character able to accomplish the same feats as when he had more physical prowess, etc. I disagree with this as well, in part because Fat Thor feels very personal to me, though not exclusively, and at the very least would like to propose a reading of many of the scenes in Endgame that offers a considerably more well-intentioned and good faith portrayal of Thor, with my own caveat that at least the anti-Ragnarok people using Fat Thor to further their agenda that Thor’s characterization sucks because Chris Hemsworth and Taika Waititi spent each day on set shaking Tom Hiddleston down for his lunch money and laughing at their own fart jokes are still wrong, which balances out everything else, because balance is still important, even if Thanos’ fuckboy interpretation of it is ridiculous. Anywho, apologies in advance for how messy this ends up being, I feel like my thoughts are very roundabout right now, but getting it out of my system will really help.

Thor has been ~emotionally fat~ for a while now, folks. As far back as Thor (2011), we see him disassociating, aka spending at least a few moments staring off into space in the midst of dealing with sudden upheaval, often because his angry outbursts have failed to be satisfying or get him what he wants/needs. One of the things that made me so excited to see a physical fallout to this in the MCU is that it actually ties into a bunch of other canons, too, including a recent spell in the comics leading up to the War of the Realms, wherein Odin sort of admits to his own role in breaking Thor, as far back as being “too drunk” to be there for his birth, as well as his being dubbed the God of Thunder because baby Thor used to wail whenever there was a storm, and Odin used to make fun of him for it because you don’t get a #4 Best All-Father coffee cup from your kids for nothing. @thishereanakinguy and I are even reworking parts of our Thorki paper for publication to put forth even more evidence that the pressure on Thor to be the Golden Child was too much, and that he’s been unraveling for a long time.

Again, none of these reactions to turmoil are new for Thor, though it’s fascinating that the conversation between Frigga and Thor in Endgame is largely focused on her assuring her son that it’s okay for him to fail, and/or for him to delegate tasks (there’s a recent comic that’s gone viral where Mister Rogers visits with Thor, and it has a similar bent), or realize that he has to shift his perspective on Who He Is. In part, it’s lowkey hilarious that Frigga, aka “send Loki some soup and some library books he’ll enjoy after our big fight because I still love that little asshole, never mind that he’ll probably receive them after she has been killed omfg,” is so blatantly ignoring Odin’s decrees to basically withhold basic affection from their children so that they’ll toughen up on their own, because fuck that noise. At the same time, Frigga imparts words that Thor (and Loki) should have heard and taken to heart a long time ago, and it’s painful to realize that Thor has felt as though he hasn’t been allowed to express his feelings, but so God damned great that that’s what Frigga hones in on. Notably, Thor isn’t trying to botch his trip to 2013 Asgard, either; he has a panic attack when he and Rocket arrive, and Frigga sneaks up on him because Frigga knows her babies no matter how much they are made of pizza or in Loki’s case magical artifacts. (Sarah read something saying that in households where the Golden Child and Black Sheep co-exist, statistically it’s common for the Golden Child to turn to alcohol and food, whereas the Black Sheep is more likely to turn to drugs/more illicit substances wherein they opt not to feel their feelings as much, and I was really floored by that because that really fits a couple of different scenarios that I’m familiar with for one reason or another.)

SO ANYWAY, we see Thor disassociating in previous movies. In TDW, even Odin comments on Thor’s confused heart, which Thor assures him has nothing to do with Jane Foster, even though it would be very easy for him to pretend he’s not actively thinking about Loki a thousand times a day and spending so much time stalking Heimdall and the broken Bifrost remnants that dude is like holy fuck please talk to your kid or I am going to commit treason again so hard. Thor reaches out to Odin for guidance/arguably comfort once Frigga dies, and his inability to provide either sends Thor immediately to Loki, who at the very least can help him properly realize the revenge he seeks, while also saving Jane. In Ragnarok, we get that great moment where Loki is talking directly to Thor, and Thor simply stares straight ahead; Loki doesn’t seem all that surprised by it either - he and Thor have different triggers and whatnot, but he knows the emo fuck who ends up at his cell in a fucking black poncho and handcuffs isn’t a new creation by any means, and he is into it fwiw. Even stuff like Korg admitting at the end of Ragnarok he carried around Miek’s presumably dead body because he felt so bad that he was dead warrants a little nod of understanding from Thor. Likewise, we see Thor stress-eating a bowl of bread at the beginning of Endgame, before the focus on his weight became a thing. Thor doesn’t run outside to see Tony Stark come home; whenever possible, he’s barely there, even before his five-year hiatus.

The use of well-placed humor in a three-hour sob fest does not seem all that weird to me. Shakespeare does it in all of his tragedies; and to continue this egregious metaphor, a lot of his comedies contain tragic bits, aka loss of family identity, which is arguably something that underpins how good Ragnarok is, as well. Being able to laugh at stuff has always been very important for me personally, though I realize it’s not for everyone. Still, I think there’s an additional caveat with Endgame regarding who the ‘fat jokes’ are coming from, aka arguably all of the Avengers have their own significant traumas to work through even before The Snap, and are also just trying to survive, even if they seem to fare physically better than Thor at this particular point in time. So Tony Stark calls him “Lebowski”; but as soon as the musical cues and Hemsworth’s amazing acting switches over into Thor being triggered by thoughts of all that he’s lost only minutes later, we see Tony, who canonically has major issues with being touched, putting his hand on Thor’s shoulder and allowing himself to be grabbed and held because he knows that is what Thor needs from him. Bruce, too, has to set a boundary for his own personal safety about being grabbed, but still gives in to Thor’s need for physical touch. One of the tragic touchstones of Ragnarok is that Thor doesn’t touch Loki once, even though in the first two Thor films and Avengers 1, he is constantly pawing at him. Thor wants to make a point in Ragnarok that he has decided he must let Loki go if that’s what Loki truly wants, and so he withholds his own instinct for physical contact - which Loki gives back to him, however briefly, in Infinity War by knocking Thor out of the way of Thanos and the Tesseract, to say nothing of how all Thor can do when he arrives at Loki’s corpse is to mewl and cling and bury his head and wait for everything to explode, himself included.

In any case, the other 'fat jokes’ come from Rocket, well established as being caustic in the face of personal tragedy, and having been put in the position even back in Infinity War of sort of making sure Thor keeps going, and Rhodey, who is probably just trying to deal with all these new people hanging around, and the fact that all of the structure in his life pretty much has been upended in a really short amount of time. Regarding Frigga’s “eat a salad” remark, as his mom, she seems to understand how much his physicality comes into play for him, and how devastating it is for him to see how others react to him seeming both physically and emotionally diminished. This is why it’s so powerful for him to still be 'worthy’ of Mjolnir, I think, and why that moment book-ended Frigga’s admonishment. Likewise, we don’t get a suspiciously fast glow-up wherein Thor’s all muscley again. He has to hold his own against Thanos in his current form, and he fucking does. Sometimes, life happens, and you have to respond to it as you are because you don’t have the time or energy to get everything in order first, and so you do the best you can. IMO, Thor did a pretty fucking good job.

I also find it completely understandable that Thor went off with the Guardians at the end of the film. (P.S.: Peter Quill is still absolutely intimidated by Fat Thor.) For one thing, I don’t think he’s going to stop trying to find a way to bring Loki back, regardless of what Clint said about the Soul Stone’s magic not being able to be reversed. For another, Valkyrie deserves her own glow-up into becoming Queen of New Asgard, as much as Sam deserves to be the new Cap. I’m of the mindset that Steve likely wouldn’t have gone back in time to be with Peggy if Tony had lived, and that doing so was him honoring Tony’s legacy by taking the advice that he gives several times in the film to go and live life while you have it. Likewise, as sad as it is for Tony to have died, I’m not sure he would have been able to rest, post-Thanos. You also can’t tell me for a second he hasn’t left all sorts of little messages and trinkets and whatnot around for his loved ones to find, cough AI Tony in Peter’s next suit or something cough.

Overall, I thought Endgame was a good send-off. It was well-acted, well-scripted, beautifully scored (Thor’s Pink Panther-esque theme when he’s trying to explain the Aether is amazeballs, as well as the theme that plays when everybody gets to the battlefield), and really just surprisingly, suspiciously good. I am glad that if we have to see this leg of the MCU end that it did so in such a way as to leave character arcs open to further interpretation, and I’m legitimately excited for a lot of them. While I don’t think everybody is required to be fake-positive all of the time, I do think that in fandom spaces, if one’s sole focus is how disappointing something is all the time, it’s not a productive or soul-enhancing use of one’s energy, and it makes me sad to see it. Nuance is important; the MCU has more of it than it’s given credit for having, and I hope more people realize that as it continues into Phase 4, or at the very least, that they find something they enjoy and keep coming along for the ride.

[thisaintascenereviews]

Album Review by Bradley Christensen Walk The Moon – Self-titled Record Label: RCA Release Date: June 19 2012

No one really anticipated indie-pop group Walk The Moon striking it big with the song “Shut Up And Dance” in 2014. Hell, I didn’t, because I never really listened to them before their second album, 2014’s Talking Is Hard. I enjoyed that album quite a lot, even though it was pretty basic indie-pop, but they really played into 80s new wave and power-pop. That makes sense, though, because the late 90s and early 00s indie scene gave birth to the post-punk revival. New wave was closely associated with post-punk, and frankly, both genres are very much connected, since they came out of each other during the late 70s and early 80s. The trend nowadays is playing more into 80s pop, but more in the vein of Madonna, Michael Jackson, Wham, Journey (although they were more of an arena-rock band), and stuff like that. When I think of 80s pop, I think of the plethora of new wave bands, like Duran Duran, a-ha, Men Without Hats, Mr. Mister, Men At Work, Eurythmics, A Flock Of Seagulls, and tons more bands, not necessarily Madonna. I do think of Michael Jackson, and Wham, though, considering that Thriller is one of the most important albums of all time, and George Michael’s solo debut LP, 1987’s Faith, is another great album. A lot of bands have taking the 80s pop trend to their sound, such as Haim, Chvrches, Carly Rae Jepsen, Paramore, and countless other bands, and it’s all to mixed results, frankly. Some bands can pull it off well, especially Carly Rae Jepsen and Haim, but other bands just seem like they’re trend-hopping for the sake of it. I mean, as much as I liked Paramore’s After Laughter, I felt like they were trying a bit too hard to sound like 80s pop artists, although they pulled it off well (not to mention, there was one song that I didn’t really like on the album, and that’s what brought it down slightly). I’ve never been able to get into Chvrches, and I think that’s for their vocalist being too annoying and grating for my liking, but I might have to listen to them again soon.

Walk The Moon was one of the first bands to do it, since they’ve been around since the early 00s; they were self-releasing stuff, and gaining buzz in the indie scene, at least when RCA signed them, and they released their debut LP in 2012. I remember when that album came out, but it passed me by somehow. The album came out in summer of 2012, and the more I think about it, the more I know why it passed me by. I was headfirst into my pop-punk obsession by that point. I remember that quite well, actually. During the spring and summer, I was heavily into pop-punk, such as The Story So Far, Neck Deep, I Call Fives, Fall Out Boy, With The Punches, Yellowcard, and tons more bands. That’s why I didn’t listen to Walk The Moon’s self-titled debut album. It makes more sense now. I was really into indie music between 2010 and 2012, at least the beginning of the year, but I got heavily into pop-punk, and that’s almost all I listened to for the next few years. Walk The Moon came out with their debut album right after I stopped listening to that stuff, and I just never bothered to care about them until “Shut Up And Dance” got huge. I should have listened to the debut when I listened to Talking Is Hard, but things happen. I’ve been listening to a lot of early 00s post-punk stuff, including bands like The Killers, The Bravery, Shiny Toy Guns, Franz Ferdinand, and stuff like that, so I thought I’d pick up Walk The Moon’s self-titled finally. I knew that the song “Anna Sun” was a minor hit for the band, but it wasn’t quite the monster hit that “Shut Up” was. I like that song a lot, by the way. “Shut Up And Dance,” I mean, but “Anna Sun” is a really solid song, too. It’s one of the best songs off the self-titled, and speaking of which, how do I feel about it? I’ve been listening to it for the last handful of days, and you know, I don’t know how I feel about it. I like the album, as it’s a very solid indie-pop / new wave record, but it’s also very forgettable.

This album, and even Talking Is Hard, are just generic, basic, and nostalgia-baiting indie-pop / new wave albums. Talking Is Hard is a better album, mainly because they perfect their new wave formula much, much better there, so the album is a lot slicker, catchier, and more streamlined, whereas this one can be a bit clunky, long, and rough around the edges. Even though it’s a bit clunkier and rougher around the edges, I really do enjoy the overall sound, since I like that slick, catchy, and energetic new wave / indie-pop sound, and when the album opts for that catchier sound, it’s awesome. It sounds great, but when you dig into the lyrics, and even the songwriting itself, there’s not much of substance, let alone fun or interesting content, worth diving into. The lyrics are very hollow, shallow, and boring, not even in the fun kind of shallow, especially like “Shut Up And Dance,” so I don’t find myself caring about the lyrics at all. The vocals are very good, but even the overall sound is just pretty generic new wave / indie-pop. I got this same sound from a lot of bands that I’ve been listening to, and they released better albums in the late 70s and early 80s. This is what I meant by being rather confused on how I feel with this record, because I like it, but I don’t love it. I like its sound, since it’s done well, and it’s catchy as hell, but when you look into it more, it’s not that interesting or unique. I mean, I give a pass to generic stuff a lot, but it’s got to have something interesting about it, whether it’s a new spin on an old sound, or very well-written lyrics that I can get stuck in my head, none of which are the case on this album. Their sound is catchy, fun, and well-done, but it’s empty, boring, and generic without being interesting. Walk The Moon’s self-titled is an album of moments, and those moments make the album worthwhile, and luckily, they did get more interesting and unique with Talking Is Hard, even though it wasn’t by a huge mile.

I do prefer that album, whether it’s because it’s shorter (only about five minutes shorter, but this album feels really long), or more interesting in terms of its lyrical and musical content. I wouldn’t tell someone to skip this, especially if they like 80s pop, new wave, or indie-pop. I remember “Anna Sun” being a big rock hit, and it makes sense why, although it didn’t cross over in the same way that “Shut Up” did. I’d totally recommend this album to indie-pop, new wave, or alt-rock fans that might want something a bit more pop-friendly or pop-focused. It’s honestly quite interesting to listen to this in retrospect, especially after the success of “Shut Up And Dance.” They released an album last year that no one really cared about, because it didn’t even have a big single on the rock charts. At least their self-titled had “Anna Sun,” which didn’t get huge in the general charts, but this new album didn’t even have that. I mean, maybe the album’s good, and people’s heat meter on them is unfairly cold, so I might listen to it when I don’t really have anything else, but I wanted to make sure that I finally listened to their self-titled, because it’s an album that I’ve been aware of for the last six years, but I just never bothered with it, since a lot of other stuff has come out. That’s how it goes, anyway, since I’m always finding new stuff to listen to. I wanted to check this out, especially since I’ve been getting into tons of bands in this vein. These guys are the “newest” band (well, the most recent album, anyway) out of everything I’ve been into, but they’re also the least interesting, and that’s kind of a shame, because I was really interested and curious to listen to this one, but that’s how it goes sometimes. I have been playing it a lot, but more so in the way that I want to see how I feel after another listen, versus because I want to keep playing it, so I don’t know. I just don’t feel the urge to really come back to it, because it’s an amazing album. I do like it, don’t get me wrong, but it’s nothing all that amazing or special, even though I can understand why they have a fanbase. It’s a solid indie-pop record, but if you’re looking at it as something more, you’ll be disappointed.

[definitelynotplanetfall]

cw4 apprehensions etc

Need to expend today’s mental energy non-politically so I can’t understand tonight’s debate enough to get angry, so I may as well talk about This

Something seems permanently off to me about Creeper World 4. The demo assuaged a bit of my fear, and the performance running through proton is pretty terrible so it’s not like getting into mapmaking or anything of the sort would be feasible anyway, and that’s not even taking into account how awkward negotiating a return from the mostly-voluntary exile would be. (I mean for one thing I’m not going to apologize.)

But something about it seems deeply... closed to permutation? Not in the same way that a game like Outer Wilds is closed to permutation in the service of creating a single, coherent, resonant artistic experience, but more like... it has a level editor, but to some extent I can’t see the point of the level editor.

I’m having a hard time putting this sense into words, especially since at least some of it is down to a combination of “the formula is kind of mined out and the additions are less mechanically interesting than stuff that was achieved with CRPL even before all the APIs were in the game” and “the way CW3 did things was mostly good and change is scaaaaary.” These affect my personal inclination to play the game, but don’t really constitute criticisms of game 4 on its own terms.

I think to some extent the problems are inseparable from the “the formula is mined out” thing, though. There’s a fine line between “streamlining a clunky system” and “sanding the nuance off” that people are often too hasty to accuse games of crossing, but in some places it feels like CW4 is doing that. We-the-public haven’t had a chance to play around with the ERN portal yet but that’s my prime example, and if the requisite APIs exist you’d better believe someone is nuking that shit and reimplementing the forge, because the forge was a solid mechanic and already simple enough!

The factory and resource systems feel kind of... shoehorned in? I described my impressions of them in a conversation as “hitting the sour spot of both too simple and too complex.” There are three extra resources processed by the big fancy Factory unit and they are just... there for some reason. The non-anticreeper ones are required for important stuff so the game makes you engage with the system, but there’s nothing really there to engage with, the raw materials just have slightly different methods of extraction and they’re used for few enough things that economy is barely a concern.

I feel kinda extra-petty-salty about this because the resources are literally called Bluite, Redon, and Greenar and seem to have no... flavor? Like e.g. Redon is used to create anti-air missiles and spatial rifts. Why? What are the properties of this substance? Why do missiles require refined Redon but mortar shells can be fabricated from pure energy? Meanwhile my unfinishable CRPL-heavy thing also had three new resources and they were, like, the primordial superclass of matter energy and time, red circuits, and epistemology.

and speaking of that... the closed-to-permutation thing applies here as well, because there’s now official custom friendly unit support, which is great! The reason my unfinishable thing was unfinishable was the fact that I had to reimplement base-game features for custom friendly units, and since CRPL is slower than C# this cratered performance.

But also, the build menu is tiny! Which means the complex economy is out, nevermind having the full vanilla unit roster plus ~40 more. Which is, I recognize, a very out there and ludicrous and selfish thing to want, but. The promised extensibility is there, just with a seemingly arbitrary low ceiling.

And that’s just the parts I can articulate clearly! There’s a sort of... dreariness in the design that it’s hard to describe but is palpable verging on suffocating. For example the switch to 3D LoS calculations. CW3′s idea of how line of sight works is kind of silly but it’s also “gamey” in what feels like a positive way. It hands you some rules and you can accomplish some nonsense within them that can make you feel like a tactical genius, like when you pull off something in a turn-based game that wouldn’t be possible in real-time-with-pause. Whereas only allowing things that are geometrically possible makes the correct moves feel obvious and already-there-waiting-to-be-looked-at if that makes any sense? I guess my general preference of 2D gameplay over 3D is getting in the way here somewhat but it feels analogous to, say, CDDA getting rid of magic universal liquid batteries that vanish from existence when drained. And I guess the game would look weird if projectiles could go through the ground so I guess this is me saying the change to 3D is/will be harmful to the overall quality of the game. And it feels bad to say that because I did specifically send a message to Virgil saying the demo was good and managed to persuade me that the 3D wasn’t a gimmick. But I can’t really think of an argument in favor of 3D other than “The Graphics Must Always Improve And 3D Has Been Decreed Better,” and my calling it “good“ was probably mostly in terms of “better than particle fleet.”

So that’s my disorganized and cop-out filled thoughts about the flaws in a game that hasn’t even released yet. I never said I had much daily mental energy to begin with, or that it was particularly well ordered, just that I needed to get rid of it. Why did you read this, anyway?

Anyway time to hear some TV host say “Mr. Biden, people have accused you of wanting to shut down the orphan dismemberment factory” and Biden will say that’s a damn lie come on man you know I just I I I just wanna make sure they have antibiotics. I never said anything about shutting them down, I never even said anesthetics like this guy (gestures wrong direction) says I do, I’m not stupid I know we can’t afford that but this is america, okay, those kids should be able to buy antivirus

[bughead-fic-request]

I would like to thank @leaalda for making these amazing banners.

This is an effort to spread the word about all fan fiction writers in our little fandom. If you would like to be featured or nominate a writer, please contact me. Please reblog this post if you can and check out some of @findingbetty work!

1. First things first, if someone wanted to read your stories where can they find them.

Find findingbetty on AO3.

2. Tell us a little about yourself.

My name is Annabel and I'm in the twenties club. I hail from the far reaches of New Zealand, a place every bit as green and beautiful they tell you. I’m technically a lawyer, though recently I retired at the ripe old age of 24 and ran away to Australia. Beyond examining the intricacies of my existential crisis, I’m a competitive rower. I also really like bagels.

3. What do you never leave home without?

I suppose my phone...depressing though that is. I wish I could at least say, like, my keys - if only to imply I can live a fulfilling life without my phone - but I locked myself out of my apartment twice last week. So that would be a lie.

4. Are you an early bird or a night owl?

Extra early bird. The kind that loves to hate getting up at 6am every morning to do a 20km training row before second breakfast.

5. If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?

I’m still waiting for my letter. I remain convinced my Owl just got a little lost on the way to New Zealand. There’s still time, though.

6. Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met.

Lorde. In the supermarket, back when she was still New Zealand’s best kept secret.

7. What are some of your favorite movies/TV?

I will never get tired of watching Friends. It’s the ultimate comfort for me. I also have a high level of appreciation for Girls, and I do like some Parks and Rec.  

I really like the familiarity and continuity of watching a series. As such, I don’t watch very many movies, but some favourites include Mistress America and Silver Linings Playbook.

I just like things that feel real.

8. What are some of your favorite bands/musicians?

Haim ❤️ Fleetwood Mac and John Mayer. Drake! I also like Kodaline, particularly their album In a Perfect World. I went to see Adele in March. It was the very last night of her tour and it rained torrentially. I was probably the least dry I have ever been in my entire life, but setting fire to the rain in a downpour was a glorious thing.

9. Favorite Books?

From a place of nostalgia, Harry Potter. Such a quintessential part of my childhood. Beyond that, I try to read quite broadly. I have one particular favourite that isn’t really representative of my preferred genre, but caters well to my particularly dry sense of humour - How to Be Good, by Nick Hornby.  

10. Favorite Food?

Pancakes.

11. Biggest pet peeve?

When people walk extra slowly and take up the entire footpath and won’t let me pass.  

12. What did you want to be when you were little? What do you want to be now?

As a child, I apparently professed wanting to be a writer. I used to think that was because some well-meaning adult told me that was what I wanted and I just believed them. But of late, I’ve wondered if perhaps I did actually dream that up myself.

I have since learned an affinity for writing can easily translate to a career in law, be that accidental or intentional. What is less easy is working out a more enjoyable alternative - I’m conscious running away to Australia is not a long term solution.

13. What are your biggest fears? Do you have any strange fears?

Failure. Regression toward the mean. Refreshing websites everyday for the rest of my life! Talking on the phone. All of these are the kind of inconvenient fears that will infiltrate and taint every aspect of your life if you let them.

More tangibly speaking, e a r t h q u a k e s. I feel like, statistically speaking, one is not likely to experience more than one major seismic event in a lifetime, but that doesn’t make going back to what’s left of my hometown any easier.

14. When you are on your deathbed what would be the one thing you’d regret not doing?

Anything I avoided out of fear of failure. See, it’s a vicious cycle!

For anyone else suffering this particular plight, I recommend reading/viewing The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination by JK Rowling.

Okay… lets talk about your writing!

15. Which is your favorite of the fics you've written for the Bughead fandom?

I’ve only written one story thus far, and it’s called Something to Tell You.

16. Which was the hardest to write, in terms of plot?

Well I have nothing to compare it to, but did struggle with writing Something to Tell You. Looking back, I kind of attribute that to the lack of plot. I wanted the characters to undergo reasonable change, but not in an especially dramatic way, and I didn't want it to be overshadowed by their circumstances. It was a hard balance to find.

I received mixed feedback about this particular aspect of the story. Many people liked the simplicity, but equally there were those that thought I rambled on for 20 chapters and that “nothing happened”. I appreciate there is no such thing as universal popularity, and having overcome the struggle of actually writing it I am now content with how everything unfolded.

17. How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? Do you people watch? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?

Something to Tell You was founded heavily in experiences I had living with a group of friends who were every bit as quirky and interesting as the characters I tried to portray. I suppose I tend to write about what I know. I’ve largely made peace with that, but do worry it is fairly limiting and a somewhat insular approach.

18. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

Anything from Something to Tell You Jughead’s point of view. The entire story revolves around Betty not really knowing quite what to make of him, and his character is a construct of that to the extent that I just cannot find his voice.

19. Least favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

Clunky chapters. There were a few of them, but I’m not going to go back and look for them because it’s bad for my #complexes.

20. Favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

The Flowers and The Cheesecakes, and that’s largely because it was fun for me to write. It was also based on true events, memories of which evoke the best kind of nostalgia.

21.Favorite character to write?

Betty Cooper. It’s not too much of a stretch for me to see the world through her eyes.

22. Favorite line or lines of dialogue that you've written?

“He trades in intellect and wit.”

23. Best comment/review you’ve ever received?

When I started writing, it never really occurred to me that people would a) read it, b) like it or c) tell me so. Honestly, all your kind words make my heart sing. I've never been able to bring myself to actually read Something to Tell You in full, but I do go back and read your comments!

Those who reached out via private message to tell me how much Betty’s struggles meant to them were really special. I never expected that kind of a response, and was somewhat overwhelmed by it.

More specifically, I still remember and refer back to a comment by the lovely @village-skeptic, who I remain convinced understands my characters far better than I do. Below is an extract -

“Your version of this character is so multi-layered and distinctive, and yet it makes me think - this is what "I'm weird; I'm a weirdo" looks like without canon-Jughead's precise complications of self-loathing, trauma, deprivation, and precarity (or maybe with other off-setting factors?). It's just being quirky af, but also forthrightly kind, confident, ambitious, perceptive, and also part of a community.”

Sometimes I wish @village-skeptic was my high school English teacher.

24. How do you handle bad reviews or comments?

By refusing to ‘reblog Bughead’ and rearranging all of Veronica’s furniture.

25. If you could change anything in any of your stories, what would it be?

I try not to think this way, again because #complexes… but the first chapter of Something to Tell You. The one where nothing of substance really happened, because I truly didn’t think anyone was going to read it. Thanks to everyone who set aside that very obvious flaw and persisted.

26. What is your favorite story you’ve ever written? Any fandom?

I’m going to be optimistic and say I hope it will be something I write in the future. My magnum opus, or something.

27. What are you reading right now? Both fan fiction and general fiction?

I’m heavily invested in Vespertine by @yavannies, it’s absolutely wonderful. Please go and read it and leave a comment - I’m a big believer in always thanking the author for their efforts.

Out in the real world, How to Be Both by Ali Smith is sitting on my bedside table.

28. Do you have any advice for writers that want to get into this fandom but might be scared?

What is is that you're scared of?

I don't at all mean that to be dismissive - quite the contrary. I entertained a lifelong fear of writing before sitting down to write Something to Tell You. I was scared of expectations and judgement (be them real or imagined, my own or those of others).

I am still scared of both of these things, but I have also discovered that anonymity is wonderfully liberating. It allows you to write whatever you want, whenever you want. The more you do it, the easier it gets. And as long as you write for yourself, you can’t really go wrong.

Also, believe me when I say that people are wonderfully nice around here.

[daskpr01]

Spring 2017 Top 10/9

I think is pretentious of me to pretend I know what I’m talking about here, and I didn’t really watch enough this season to really do a fair comparison on what was the actual “best” anime. This is just me ranking the few I watched in order of personal enjoyment.

[WARNING: SPOILERS]

10. Nothing Sadly, I only watched 12 anime this season, three of which (Sagrada Reset, My Hero Academia 2, and Yugioh VRAINS), are continuing into the next season so I have nothing to put here!

9. Attack on Titan 2 Honestly, I just don’t care for this series in general. It’s enjoyable to watch, but lacks any real substance for me. I did like the second season a little more than the first. Though the first season was much better at telling the story, leaving each new episode on a dramatic cliffhanger, but season 2 was better in terms of character development. I finally was able to find myself being somewhat invested in the characters which was impressive to me. Plot wise, it didn’t really go anywhere, besides revealing things we had already speculated about (or had spoiled for us) long ago. Let’s see how things go in season 3.

8. Grimoire of Zero I was pretty excited fit this one quite a while before it came out. I really liked the idea of an inhuman protagonist that actually had s bestial appearance and I felt the concept was finally something different from typical fantasy anime. And for the most part it was. It was well paced with depth, emotion, some beautifully portrayed scenes and engaging plot developments. Up until the final episode… It suddenly felt rushed and seemed to me like the written fell back on predictable cliches just to quickly move along the story. Then we’re just with a surprisingly unsatisfying conclusion. [SPOILER] Mercenary’s motivation was to become human, so not being able to see his desire fulfilled was rather disappointing to me. I understand this an adaptation of a light novel so I assume the story goes well beyond the end of the anime, but with the possibility of a second season being rare, it feels rather incomplete. (Also, no kiss between Mercenary and Zero??) [/SPOILER] Everything else was great though, so it’s really disappointing that the ending wasn’t as good for me.

7. Anonymous Noise I think this one was good and any issues are probably more personal than anything. The protagonist’s, Nino’s, obsession with one of the love interests, Momo, could get pretty annoying especially when the better guy, Yuzu, kept getting the short end of the stick. I feel like the story was kind of unfair to his character, like they only tease at the possibility of him “winning” the affections of Nino, but not really giving him a fighting chance. I dunno, maybe feeling these emotions actually makes this show good! It was dramatic and enjoyable to watch, plus pretty good music as well. I’ll definitely reading the manga at some point. (P.S. I ship Momo x Yuzu LOL)

6. Starmyu 2 For some reason, I’m having a hard time figuring out what to say about this one. I don’t feel like it hit me as hard as the first season, but there was a lot of great things about this season. It sort of had a rather “romantic” concept (not the love kind). Seeing Hoshitani realize the truth and come to peruse and realize his dream is beautiful. There were also several emotionally moving moments that got me a little choked up. It delivered about what I expected, a nice conclusion to the only unresolved plotline from season 1 and drawing the final curtains on the series.

5. Natsume Yujincho Roku This is such a hard anime to talk about due to its episodic nature. To be honest, I end up liking some episodes more than others which make it difficult for me to really judge a season as a whole. Overall, I think I liked a majority of the episodes in this season. I really enjoy episodes about his past or about Reiko. We also get to see a lot of interaction between Natsume and Natori this season and a furthering of their relationship (as friends). Plus plenty of good feelsy story as per usual. We also get a pretty interesting “reveal” in the last episode that make me anxious for more. I hope they don’t stop adapting this lovely series, I would like to stick with the anime through it’s completion.

4. The Royal Tutor It started out as such a cute, funny bishie anime, but as it progressed, the hints of a more serious plot line that really sucked me in. Although the manga is still continuing, the series built up to a rather well done filler ending that was pretty emotional. In this day and age when anime rarely go beyond a 12 episode season, I really respect the writers decision to do a filler ending, especially one as satisfying as this. The characters were all likable as well, and there were a lot of good messages throughout which are both very important aspects to me in a story. I think this one surprised me the most in how good it ended up being, definitely enjoyed it a lot.

3. Berserk 2017 I feel like I’m one of the only people who like the new Berserk anime. Sure, the CGI is a little clunky, but the story of Berserk is still incredibly awesome. I’m not yet familiar with the manga, but from what I’ve heard, the adaptation was extremely accurate. Personally, I don’t find the animation to take away from the badass moments. I really enjoyed this season. Schierke was an interesting new character and it was great seeing more Serpico in action, plus I finally got my introduction to the Berserker armor. Berserk is just a great story regardless. Hopefully we’ll get a new season next spring as well.

2. Tsukigakirei I feel like the romance and slice-of-life genres have been overused in recent years, but here we had nice, more realistic portrayal of romance. It really illustrated the awkward and dramatic, as well as the innocence of adolescent romance. The interactions between the leads was very believable and much was relatable. I remember experiencing a lot of the same things the protagonists went through, bringing back feels and frustration (in a good way). I also feel like their relationship reflect a lot of modern romance with much of their interaction occurring through text. If I were to have one problem with it, it would be [SPOILER] that they get married in the end. I know, I know, blasphemy, right? But realistically I don’t feel that would happen. Long distance relationships don’t tend to work out, nor do people often stay with their first love or “high school” sweetheart. I dunno, perhaps I just have a cynical view of relationships in real life. Tone wise I think the ending was fitting, but personally, I would have left it open ended or give it a more bittersweet end were they just grow apart and eventually go their separate ways to reflect the truth of real life. [/SPOILER] Still a great romance story and worth watching.

1. KADO: The Right Answer Oh gosh, I wonder if I’ll get complaints for putting this as my #1… I’m truly baffled by how much hate this show is getting because I loved it. I was curious about this show because the synopsis alone sounded new and different, and I ended up being sucked in by the first episode. It did have a bit of a slow period in the middle, but (and I know this a minority opinion) it really picked up in the second half. I wasn’t all that interested in zaShunina in the first half, but he really developed into a fascinating and tragic character that I really found myself feeling for in the end. It utilized interesting sci-fi concepts as well as some spirituality. I really appreciate the blending seemingly contradictory ideas. The plot twists totally blew my mind too. I had a feeling from the beginning that this was going to be a great show and it really delivered for me, it’s sad that it didn’t for a lot of people though. Personally, I feel that has a lot to do with the fact the show kills the zaShunina/Shindou ship… Forgive me for not being a big shipper, so I wasn’t bothered by any of the plot developments in the series [SPOILERS] i.e. zaShunina becoming an antagonist, Shindou’s relationship with Tsukai, or killing off both protagonists. In fact, I really respect the boldness of killing off your main characters. It’s a refreshing idea you don’t often get to see and I feel like not every story needs a happy ending. [/SPOILER] I thought Kado was great and is my favorite for this season.

Welp, those are my opinions, so tell me what you think if you like.

[synescape]

It’s been a while since I’ve written a solid DIY guide. It’s tough to follow up on the wildly popular DIY Wool Dreads; to this day my most retweeted, linked and shared post. Fake hair truly is luff.

Supposing you’ve now completed the finger-scalding, hair pulling ritual that is developing your fake mane, it’s time to tend to those hard working hands.

Afterall, what’s a kitty cat without her claws?

And so I give you this new guide to full gel nail tip extension manicures, complete with step by step instructions and links to all the products and supplies you need to stock your own mini home salon.

This guide is fairly lengthy so I’ve broken it down into four steps. You can quick jump from here to help you navigate:

Step 1: Precautions

Step 2: Materials

Step 3: Process

Step 4: Care

Let’s begin:

Step 1: Caution – Wet Nails Ahead

I’m going to start this article with the same disclaimer I had on wool dreads: this is an arduous, time consuming process.

One does not simply do nails.

Sure, there is risk of injury (although not much, I’ve deliberately exclude pointy objects from this toolkit), risk of infection if tools are not properly sanitized, and of course the ever lurking risk of pulling out your hair in frustration – thereby ruining both your wool dreads and your fledgling nail tips.

There’s a reason nail techs spend many hours and pay hefty tuition fees to learn this skill. It ain’t easy, and even given saintly amounts of patience, you will not be churning out competition grade nails on your first try.

That said, I believe the DIY experience makes you truly appreciate a craft.

I like to think what I’m giving you here is not only the instructions and tools you need for the job, but a renewed respect and understanding for why professionals charge the rates they do.

So like with fake hair, if you want perfect, quick results HIRE A PRO.

If you’re stubborn as a mule and fabulous as a unicorn however, move on to the materials portion.

Step 2: Resource Gathering

Gel nail extension tips are pretty high up on the scale of complexity. If your idea of hand TLC is chewing a millimetre off your nails, this is not a good starting place.

However for the mani-curious (oh yeah, there’s gonna be a tonne of terrible puns here), I suggest following this guide to acquire the basic supplies you need for everything from a quick polish change to full extensions.

So without further ado, here’s your shopping list:

UV nail lamp – $4 – $13

Gel nail brush set – $1

Nail file – $1

Nail buffer – $1

Nail cutter (optional) – $1.50

Nail tips – $1

Nail glue – $1

UV nail builder gel – $3

UV gel top and base coat – $2

UV gel colour (optional) – $1

Nail decorations (optional) – $1

Nail polish remover

Isopropyl alcohol

Total damage: about 25 bucks, free shipping

I bought all of my supplies on eBay, and filtered by the cheapest option. Yes quality matters, but we are not enlisting in the nail olympics just yet.

If this is your first attempt, buy in small quantities, and buy cheap. You may hate the process, and you will probably screw up a few times so why waste platinum product. The only downside to ordering online is the 4-6 weeks it takes for the stuff to arrive from China.

Let’s dissect that shopping list a little further:

Material breakdown

The formula to nail extensions is actually very simple: clean nails, glue on tips, slather on builder gel, cook under UV light and polish.

The first thing you should invest in is the UV nail lamp.

I kid you not, this is now my most used appliance, second only to my kale-smashing blender.

When I don’t spend hours doing a full manicure, I can bake on a layer on coloured polish in 60 seconds and walk out the door. Why anybody still buys traditional nail varnish is a mystery to me. I mean, do you people like being useless for 60 minutes while nails dry??

There are two types of lamps out there: UV bulb and LED.

Bulb based lamps are typically larger, which means you can fit your whole paw inside. The bulbs are modular and can be replaced. UV bulb lamps however take longer to cure your polish (we’re talking 2 mins vs. 60 secs on LED). They’re also clunky and fragile to transport.

I am personally in team LED because uh hello welcome to the 21st century. LED lamps range from table sized two-hand models, to something the size of a flashlight that you can stick in your pocket for field repairs. LED lamps are also typically USB based which means you can bus power them from your laptop, or plug ’em into a wall with your phone adapter (6-10W).

This is my lamp, it smushes to palm size and weighs less than my watch. The other model I featured above (and factored into the total material cost) is a bit larger, sturdier and was obviously selected because it looks like a freakin’ panda.

I don’t advise a bulb lamp, but meh — whatever you get your hands on will do.

Up next, a bunch of handy tools to have around the house:

Builder gel application brushes

You really only need one, but they come in packs for a buck so no harm in having extras. The same brushes can be used for drawing on designs. I prefer using the smallest of the set for more control. The brushes come with protective caps, keep these safe because getting any fibres or pet hair on the bristles is a death sentence for the brush.

Nail files 

These also come in packs for 99 cents. You’re looking for something fairly harsh like the 100/180 grit pictured here. These are for shaping your gel nails only not for your real nails – they will do a lot of damage to those, so DO NOT mix them into your regular manicure kit

Buffers

I wear these out more often than the files, so it’s good they also come in packs of several for a single, glorious dollar. Buffers have four grit layers, typically for filing, removing hard edges, smoothing and polishing. The final step has a rubbery finish that gives your nails squeaky gloss. These are also safe to use on natural nails, but sparingly – I’m not in favour of thinning out your keratin layers for any reason.

Manicure clippers (optional)

A good ol’ pair of nail clippers will also do the job making these optional, but for $1.30 why not have them in your kit? The advantage is the blade matches the curvature of plastic tips and because there is no torque when cutting, the nails are less likely to crack. It’s literally impossible to injure yourself with these, and since cutting acrylic is awful for blades, it’s worth investing in some so you don’t ruin your natural nail clippers.

Now for the main show:

Nail tips

Tips come in multiples of 500 and are bagged by sizes. Your thumbs range from a 1-3, whereas the most discerning pinkies are an 8-10. The most common two types of tips are full and half well, illustrated above. I typically use half wells when my natural nails are long, and full wells when my nails are short to give me more surface area to glue. Tips are usually clear or pearl white, but they also come in every colour imaginable so the underside of your nail matches (or contrasts) your polish. Note that colourful tips are thicker plastic and harder to work with, as are stilettos, and the myriad of other shapes you can buy.

Glue

Crappier (and cheaper) than average superglue. Does not heat on contact, but will still bond instantly so avoid nose picking while handling.

Builder gel 

This is the principal substance of your fake nail. Builder gels usually come in clear, white and transparent pink, but every colour and texture exists (built in sparkles, holographic gels etc). The strength and application of your gel determines the durability of your nails. Quality matters, but that said for your first attempt, buy cheap and experiment. The brand above is reasonably good, and being on the inexpensive side you won’t cry about it when a pot gets contaminated with feline fuzz or goes stale from light exposure. If you’re looking for the good stuff however, IBD Gel is the golden standard.

And for the finishing touches:

Base & top coat sandwich your polish to keep the application smooth, make it last longer and give it a shine. If you only buy one, get the top coat because it has the gloss finish (or matte if you prefer). They typically come in pairs however and may also include a primer. The primer is for natural nails, to remove oils and make the gel polish adhere better.

Gel polish comes in every colour, texture and style imaginable. Matte, magnetic, mirror finish, mood changing, you have endless choices! Just make sure it’s UV gel that cures with a standard lamp.

Deco is optional and comes in millions of styles. Metallic cutouts, crystals, pearls, striping tape, stamps, transfers, foils – just go ahead and search for “nail art” and be prepared to lose an evening. I have a shoebox full of these and they can also be used as body decoration with a touch of eyelash glue.

Not included in my total materials bill is isopropyl alcohol and nail polish remover (not acetone!), I’m assuming you have these around the house. You will also need some paper towel, the coarser the material the better – cotton pads and soft tissues leave a fuzzy residue which makes your application more difficult.

Last but not least, find yourself a nice container you can use for brush cleaning. I commandeered an old spice jar for this purpose and put about 1cm of nail polish remover in it.

Step 3 – Application Process

Now for the fun part! Wooooo!!

NB. I’m illustrating this guide with pictures I took myself, maneuvering the camera with my knees and pressing the trigger with my nose tip. So you’re welcome, that was way harder than doing the actual nails.

I also pulled out my old materials to match the tools listed above and demonstrate the results – sorry I’m an IBD girl now, once you go pro-gel it’s hard to go back. I chose a neutral finish to keep this simple, but in truth doing flat, light colours is the hardest thing imaginable. Designs can easily mask mistakes, and glitter builder gels or dark polishes are far more forgiving to imperfections and the perennial ambient fuzz sticking to your nails.

Let’s get started:

Clear a surface.

I mean seriously, clear it! Make space, lay out all your tools for quick access. Assuming you’re doing this on yourself, it’s hard to stop in the middle to fetch a tool you forgot.

I also prefer working on surfaces that are wood or metal, or at any rate a hard material that is completely free of dust.

Lock away your pets, DND your phone, and download the Chrome extension that disabled Netflix pauses (free lifehax, follow my blog k?). Like in my DIY dreads post, I’m giving you fair warning this is a lengthy process and it requires even more careful attention that rolling wool snausages.

To give you a benchmark, your average nail tech takes an hour for a full set of extensions. It takes me about three hours for extra fancy nails and I’ve done this dozens of times. For you? Lol. Make sure you’re sitting comfortably. 

Next, wash your hands with an antibacterial soap and dry.

Match five nail tips from your kit to your nail size and set them aside ordered.

Chances are your nail beds aren’t identical on both hands, so do this one paw at a time. They won’t fit perfectly, so err in favour of larger rather than smaller. You’ll be cutting and filing them down anyway, and too small a nail tip introduces potential break points.

Using a stamp of paper towel dipped in alcohol, clean the surface of each nail thoroughly. Removing oils and soap deposits ensures the gel application is flawless. I like to start by doing the nails on my dominant hand – it’s a little clumsy, but good practice, and it makes the second half of the process when you’re getting tired (and cranky) a lot easier.

Holding the edges, apply a drop of glue to the well of every nail tip, and slosh it around so it fills the space. Feel free to shake off any excess, just be careful it doesn’t land on something you care about.

Then one by one apply even and firm pressure, bonding the well to your nail. If you’re using full wells, aim for the halfway point of your nail, giving yourself a solid base. With half-well tips use the shape of your nail to guide the semi-circle. In either case, I like to make sure the nail tip adheres to a portion of the nail firmly rooted in the flesh, rather than a floating natural nail tip. This ensures more structural resistance, and as your nails grow out, you’re less likely to have an awkward and painful break.

You’ll notice in my photos that I’m doing both hands at once. That’s ’cause I’m a boss. Don’t try that on your first run. Be patient and take one mitten at a time.

Snip nails to desired length. You are not shaping them now, although if you’re going for pointy nails, you can clip the corners into the shape as a preamble. As a rule of thumbs (*snicker*) square nails are strongest, but if the itty-bitty finger shovel look ain’t your thing, you can later round your corners slightly or go for an oval look. Stilettos require quite a bit of length and are extremely fragile.

I strongly recommend going shorter, especially if you’re new to extensions. Believe me, in the first few days of having your nails, you’ll be bonking into things like a kitten with clipped whiskers. The easiest way to accommodate longer talons is to grow into them.

Regardless of whether you use full or half well extensions, you will notice there is a bit of a ridge where the plastic nail is glued down. Using your gritty nail file gently smooth the transition with a few quick swipes. Do not over-file. You don’t want to thin the nail tip, or your natural nail surface too much.

Roughing up the surface of your natural nail and the plastic tip makes it easier for the first gel layer to adhere. It does however damage your natural nails – you are literally shaving the top layers – so do it sparingly and don’t try to perfectly sand the entire nail bed. Mind your cuticles, they’re suffering enough through this process.

Check out this reference photo to give you an idea of the intended result:

Left hand filed and shaped, right hand un-filed

Time to paint!

Make sure your lamp is plugged in, your brushes cleaned, your little tube of nail polish remover at the ready and your gel builder is unsealed.

This is the part that requires the most care and patience.

Using your brush, pick up a very small amount of gel builder and place it in the centre of your nail bed just below the tip well edge. Wipe the excess gel off your brush on the edge of the container, and then slowly brush the drop of gel down, to a millimetre away from your cuticle, and then up towards your tip. Use very little pressure. Then smooth it to the left and right nail edge, avoiding contact with the cuticle.

The gel is very thick compared to a nail polish, but you want to apply it in very thin layers. This allows for better control to avoid slopping it on your cuticles. Aim for less coverage with your initial layers and reinforce the centre of your nail before expanding to full edge filling.

Cook under the UV light for 60 seconds. Most lamps have timers which automatically shut off. There’s no harm in baking twice, especially with the initial layers to make sure the gel is completely cured.

As the gel cooks, it leaves a sticky residue on the nail surface. Do not touch or wipe the nail between layers. The residue helps bond additional layers.

Depending on the size of your lamp you may be able to cook your whole hand at once. Since mine is the tiny portable variety, I like to do both my thumbs first, then the four fingers. It also helps to set the lamp on a mirror or a white surface so the light gets reflected for even coverage. The gel need direct UV exposure, so if your thumbs are twisted while doing the whole hand, it won’t cure properly.

Add thin layers of the gel builder gradually, baking after each application. Focus on filling the base of your nail to smooth the ridge of the well, and taper towards the tip of the nail. When you reach the tip of the nail, use your brush to smooth the gel under the tip edge, to form a complete seal around it.

I usually do 4-5 coats of gel builder. The key is thin coats, you want the result to be an even, smooth layer that is still slightly flexible so your nails don’t snap when you inevitably hit them against something. Look at your nails in profile as you’re building them up to make sure you’re not getting a bubble or any funny dips on the surface.

When you’re done with the gel, drop your brush in the nail polish remover container and slosh it around, then wipe down with a paper towel and cap it.

Once you’re satisfied with the coverage of your gel layers, use your coarse file to sand them down. Focus on tip corners and edges more than the middle section to blend the acrylic to the edge of your nail. Make sure the builder hasn’t bled and formed a hard edge on your cuticles. You have one chance to file these down now, but be careful and don’t over-file as it ruins the structural integrity of the nail.

Depending on the colour of your builder gel and nail tips, the well edge may still be visible. Sanding down, and then using the buffer sponges in four steps to smooth the nail will give it a flat white, matte appearance.

If you did the process one hand at a time, at this point you should repeat the steps on your other hand. In this sand-blasted form, your nails are sturdy and ready for polish.

Once you’re done buffing your other paw, wash your hands thoroughly with soap. Using a small paper towel pad dipped in alcohol, clean the surface of the nail to remove any leftover soap, skin oils, or the goopy gel residue.

Work one hand at a time again. The clear layers and colour bottles come with standard nail polish applicators, but you can also use your cleaned gel applicator brush too.

Apply base to alcohol wiped nails. Cook. Apply your desired polish colour. Bake. You may want a few coats of polish; for example my nude gloss colour took four thin layers. Apply top coat. Cure with UV light again.

Repeat on other hand, making sure you wipe your nails before beginning in case they accidentally touched fuzz or oils. When applying the top coat to nail tips, make sure to carry it slightly under the tip to form a seal.

If you want to glue gems, freehand designs or decorate your nail in any other way, now is the time to do it. Just make sure you top coat everything to seal it in place.

When you’re all done, wash your hands with soap again.

Then baste your cuticles with a heavy duty moisturizer – they’ve suffered enough for one day. You can also treat them with essential oils, but avoid soaking them for too long so your natural nail doesn’t soften and damage the new tips.

And that’s it, you’re done!

Time to flaunt your new talons.

Step 4: Care

How long do nail tips usually last? 

Hard to say. It’s a fine balance between your klutz-coefficient, the rate at which your nails grow, and your attention span for a colour or style.

Assuming you don’t break any of them, you can sand down the polish layer, and fill in the outgrown area with new gel builder, refinishing the nails. In theory, you could do this forever, shortening the nails along the way as they get unruly.

Keeping extensions for long periods of time however is very unhealthy for your nails. The gel seal does not allow them to breathe, and bacteria can also accumulate under the tips.

Therefore, I don’t recommend keeping the same set of extensions for more than a month at a time. Likewise, I also advise against consecutive sets of extensions. Give your nails a chance to heal between applications.

Field repairs

I got into the habit of keeping an itty-bitty tube of superglue in my wallet for emergency fixes. I was instantly popular with the office fashionistas who were walking around with suspicious bandaids on their finger tips.

A drop of glue will seal a break in a hurry, and if the damage isn’t too extensive, a quick sanding, a new coat of builder and fresh polish will restore the nail painlessly.

If you’re travelling you can make yourself a mini kit of a portable UV lamp (note there are flashlight sized models), a mini builder gel pot, a brush, file and a colour/top coat.

Other types of damage

If you improperly applied the builder gel, if it’s been exposed to the sun or otherwise expired, you likely won’t get breaks, but an entire nail may peel off. This is very damaging to the natural nail since your tips are bonded to your nail. If you notice the separation starting (usually from a cuticle edge), use the removal procedure below to safely take it off and build a new nail.

Avoid soaking your hands for too long (ie. saunas, hot tubs, long showers). Your natural nails soften and become more flexible with temperature and humidity, but your gel nail tips do not, so you may get a peel/break.

Avoid harsh chemicals, corrosive soaps etc. and moisturize your cuticles often, applying cream to the skin not the nail surface. Use a dry brush to clean under the nails.

Removal

Well, that’s a whole other chapter – and I sincerely recommend looking it up carefully before attempting.

DO NOT under any circumstances crack or peel the nails off.

Sand the top layer of the nail as best as you can without reaching your natural layers. Then soak in a bath of nail polish remover, or tape cotton balls dipped in the stuff to your nail until the remaining gel shell softens.

You can also use tips like these for the soak, although I personally found them very cumbersome:

Use a hard plastic stick to gently scrape off the remaining goop. Trim the nails, avoid filing while weakened from the chemicals.

After the ordeal, soak your nails in every moisturizing-tears-of-unicorn-emulsion you can find to restore their pH level and keep them from flaking.

Comments questions?

Post below and I will do my best to advise you.

I am not a trained nail tech, like most of my skill sets I learned this stuff off youtube and cursory google searches. That said I’ve had some practice at it by now and I’m happy to share my experiences.

Feel free to ask for advice on where to source materials as well, I have dozens of resources bookmarked.

Good luck!

DIY guide to gel nail extensions, complete with materials, step by step instructions and other resources. It's been a while since I've written a solid DIY guide. It's tough to follow up on the wildly popular 

[big2showcom]

Logan Lucky’s End made me relieved That the movie wasn’t a TV Series

Somewhat surprisingly, it’s been a very amazing summer at the movies.It’s sufficient togive those people who worry that the multiplex has ceded some of its ethnic centrality to the HDTV in your living space hope that the movies might once more become the middle of passionate debates and arguments.

A bunch of the summer’s best movies tell the sorts of stories which work when restricted to 120 minutes or less, but might feel pressured or clunky or stretched when they were expanded to occupy an whole season of tv. It’s easy to identify the places where they might have been needlessly blown out to fill a weekend’s worth of streaming.

Nevertheless, it’s the end of Logan Lucky which best illustrates how far more successful this particular story is as a film than it could have been as a TV show — and just how much more successful certain kinds of stories are as movies than they’d function as TV shows.

To explain why, I’m likely to need to spoil every thing.

Logan Lucky, like its characters, smartly gets out while the getting is still good

As you’d expect in a heist film, the team piled off the Coca Cola 600 NASCAR race at a Charlotte, North Carolina succeeds in their task. A giant vault of money empties, heading back to their own West Virginia houses and carting it off. But after the gig is done along with Jimmy Logan (Channing Tatum) shows up just in time to catch his daughter’s functionality at a local beauty pageant, you might realize something: There is still a lot of movie left.

That is when, slightly awkwardly, transforms into analysis mode. By leaving it to authorities to find in the back of a stolen pickup, Jimmy having experienced a moment of chance, returns the money. Hilary Swank joins the film as an FBI agent who investigates the heist, trying to figure out how it happened — and also the way the sole reliable lead about the perpetrators involves a few men who were allegedly in prison while everything went down. (I won’t spoil how Jimmy understands those men out of and back into jail without anyone noticing.)

Swank plays with her representative as a driven woman — and her character is actually the only individual in the film who seems concerned with actually solving this crime. The money’s been returned, right? However, what she understands that others don’t is that the speedway does not really understand just how much money it lost in the vault heist, because its credit card system went down and so as to speed up transactions, it only started getting money without keeping very close path.

Eagle-eyed viewers will surely have accomplished by this stage that the film has perfectly accounted for one pair of cash-filled trash bags, which end up in the back of the pickup, but has lost track of some second pair of garbage bagsthat turn out to have been thrown out and buried in a landfill. Once the FBI falls the situation — and Jimmy understands the shore is clear — he goes and excavates them, and also the team supporting the heist enjoys a celebratory toast that is hard-earned .

Jimmy, the heist successfully completed, hangs out with his own daughter.

Bleecker Street

They’re not expecting anyone to wreck their party, certainly not an FBI agent who has been waiting them for all to gather in exactly the exact same place. However, Swank’s agent will not allow there move a closed instance. She thinks she’ll stay a little while, she states, and the film cuts to the credits on a cliffhanger that is gleeful.

Sure, if there is ever a Logan Lucky two, the film will presumably have to fill in the details of Swank’s pursuit of the Logan family and partners. But contemplating Logan Lucky is a film unto itself, and not the planned launch of a franchise, but that this end is a huge bit of fun. Read it yet you need, particularly in light of the film’s notes about class and every bit of the US — public and private — exists to keep in the hands of the ruling class and funneling money from the hands of working people.

Swank’s character signifies the government coming to predict, even if our heroes seem to have gotten away with it. It won’t allow something even though obtained an insurance premiums.

Yet at exactly the exact same time, robbery is still illegal? Shouldn’t it take some level of punishment? That this elaborate, apparently victimless prosecution is that the one the government won’t let go will leave you wondering about if her quarry will be captured by Swank, or when all involved will eliminate it.

Switch Logan Lucky into a TV show, and it would all fall apart

Also, you likely wouldn’t get this cast.

Bleecker Street

In and of itself, a heist story could serve well as season-long yarn’s type which drives many of their shows on HBO or Netflix. You can imagine a piece of the puzzle snapping over the of the seasonthe heist unspooling over a few episodes, with the aftermath. As in the film, the rural setting could prove enough of a draw to liven up the heist film that is requisite plot factors. The FBI showing up in city would be the cliffhanger. Come back to season two.

But we could seem to Netflix’s recent crime play to understand how all of the space of some TV series robs a story like that of any momentum. Indeed, Ozark and Logan Lucky have a lot in common, from their rural settings to their own love of the procedure behind committing a crime.

However, Ozark spends a lot of time stretching out a story that very easily could have been collapsed into a two-hour film. The idea is that all of this extra time allows for improved character development, along with the series surely gives its (really great) actors plenty of substance to sink their teeth in to. The challenge is that it mainly results from the series playing the exact same group of storytelling loops out, over and over again. Ozark wants to be about how hard it is to break out of cycles of wrongdoing, but because it ought to stretch out this story to 10 hours, it becomes repetitive. From the time it reaches its cliffhanger, it seems like a show with nothing left to say.

Logan Lucky, in contrast, largely disproves the idea that good character development requires lots of time. It sketches via a small number of gestures or options or pieces of dialogue, economically, in characters fast. It knows that we understand people via their relationships then makes beautiful use of the fact, defining its characters by the people they spend some time with as other things and speak to.

A variant of Logan Lucky who had 10 hours to perform with wouldn’t just lose the inherent ambiguity of its cliffhanger ending (since we’d understand, on some level, that season two would be approximately Swank looking down the members of the heist team, as they all tried to remain one step ahead of her). It would also lose all of its economy, until they started to succumb to the droning sameness in favour of repetitive plot circles which could stunt tighter and tighter around the characters.

It’s telling, then, which Soderbergh’s most prominent job in TV — the two-season medical drama — has been deliberately structured to ensure its primary character was a location. The series could play host even if characters proved more significant than others, by focusing to a New York hospital. Sure, that intended The Knick occasionally followed a “medical instance of the week” structure, but The Knick always understood that TV isn’t one large story, but lots of smaller ones.

So, Logan Lucky isn’t just worth seeing because it shows how much tired film tropes could be spruced up through a change in putting. Additionally, it is worth seeing for a lesson about how a story like this, even if it appears to finish in a way that stands for continuation, is often better as it plays out in two hours and leaves you with something to ponder on the way home. Not every sort of story operates on TV.

from BIG SHOW http://big2show.com/logan-luckys-end-made-me-relieved-that-the-movie-wasnt-a-tv-series/

[kenna-lindley-blog]

What Makes a Movie Good or Bad?

     Have you ever wondered what makes a movie good or bad? Well, I have sure thought this multiple times after seeing films. Determining whether a movie is good or bad is indeed most often an opinion based off of a specific individual likes as well as dislikes. However, qualified, non-biased, researchers have found answers to this difficult question.      To begin, besides personal opinion most individuals will come up with basic, self-explanatory answers to the question, “What makes a movie good or bad?” Most of these answers include; a great story line, characters, cinematography, wonderful acting performances, amazing sound track, and so on. Truthfully these answers are all correct. All of these things listed are most definitely key factors in determining if a movie is good, or bad, even great, or terrible. Although, Simon Cade of DSLR Guide agrees with these things, he is making it a bit easier to understand what really makes a movie great. Cade states, “. . . Because clearly – Something will be great if everything about it is great.”      Focusing on what makes a movie good rather than bad, Simon Cade continues by defining specific elements that can be identified in the majority of history’s most revered films. Cade starts with six simple tactics. These six include; script, character, acting, timing, sound, and visuals. He also points out other key factors such as conflict, plot, and dialog. Indeed, every single one of these elements are extremely important when making a good, or even great movie. Another great tactic to highlight is storytelling. If the storytelling of a movie is only subpar, what good is that movie? Even things like props, editing, lighting, and music, all should be communicating the storyline to the audience. A very crucial element in a good film is that the audience actually believes the message, or story that is being conveyed to them. Just as in writing, movies also need a powerful, intriguing opening to really “hook” the intended audience. Great movies are often focused around ambition. Ambition of a character, ambition driven by forces, ambition to entertain, as well as countless other reasoning.        On the other hand, what is a key factor in producing a bad movie? In opposition to previously mentioned factors in making a good movie, a bad movie often times has a bad story line. There is nothing more frustrating that watching a movie with a bad story. Whether it is just dumb, confusing, pointless, or whatever it really is just annoying. In the end, we need something with substance to nourish our soul. Another thing that can make a good movie into a bad one is subtext. When filmmakers and screenwriters fail to incorporate this vital part, the subtle messages that should be being given to the audience are not there. Instead of using subtext, a lot of over-explaining and even clunky scenes happen. This is not a good thing, the affect is having a heavy storyline, which can end up not being interesting to the audience. Individuals stay hooked when there is room to explore. Going along with this idea, bad films generally have too much dialogue. Playwright and screenwriter David Mamet shared, “Cut your dialogue down to the bare minimum. If you’ve got block of dialogue, cut it down to a line or two and see if you still convey what you need to.” Taking out the unnecessary dialogue and replacing it with noises, actions, sights, and other diverse things will allow the audience to be better engaged with the film. Bad movies often have a difficult time, or even impossible time, allowing their audience to get emotionally invested with the characters. This does not mean that every character has to be good, or likable. It just means that they have to be relatable enough in some way that people will care about the character’s journey, or even purpose enough to find out what happens in the end. Really, it all comes down to that bad movies just do not have the simple structure outlined for greatness.      In conclusion, a certain individual may believe a movie is awful, while another individual feels the exact same move is fantastic. It is all about opinions, and people. However, there are indeed general factors that are no doubt key in deciding as a whole if a film is good, or of a film is bad.

http://nofilmschool.com/2016/02/6-elements-great-film

http://www.raindance.org/9-elements-of-great-films/

https://joegievano.wordpress.com/2015/09/25/3-main-criteria-that-makes-a-bad-movie/