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helloalycia · 4 years ago

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teenage dirtbag [three] // wanda maximoff

summary: Wanda's boyfriend continues to be an aggravation in your life, causing some distance between you and Wanda

warning/s: none

author's note: i really appreciate the feedback you guys gave in the last part – it’s always motivating to read your reactions/comments 🥰

Sorting things out with Wanda made everything return to normal in no time. So much in fact that she decided I was worth inviting to her and her brother's birthday party.

Never in a million years did I expect the most popular girl in our grade to know who I was, let alone invite me to her birthday party, so to say I was surprised was an understatement.

"It's not a big deal if you can't make it," she said when she handed me the invitation in class. "I mean, I'd love it if you could, but yeah, no pressure."

I was in awe, accepting the invite and reading it quickly. It must have been a pretty expensive party if she was giving out special invites, that's for sure.

"You want me to come?" I asked, still unsure whether this was a joke or not.

"Only if you want to," she said quickly, eyes darting around the room and anywhere but at me. "Like I said, you don't have to. It's not a big deal and– I– yeah." She pressed her lips together and stopped rambling, offering me a small smile.

"Thanks," I said quietly, slotting the invite in my notebook. "I'll, er, I'll think about it."

She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and faced forward, nodding. "Yeah, sure, no rush."

After that awkward conversation, I discovered she'd also invited Y/BF/N, the two of them developing a little friendship the more she'd hung out with me. He didn't mind going, but only wanted to do so if I went.

"I feel like I kinda don't wanna go," I admitted to him after school as we were studying in the library.

"Oh?" He rose an eyebrow. "And why's that?"

I played with the pencil in my hand. "I don't know, it's just– it's gonna be full of all of her other friends. And they don't really like me. Plus, her dick of a boyfriend is gonna be there. I just think she might have invited me to be nice. Like she might have felt like she had to because we sit together, y'know?"

"I think you know that isn't true," he said knowingly. "Maybe, just maybe, she actually wants us there, wants you there, to celebrate her birthday."

I chewed the inside of my mouth, giving it some thought. But the idea of going to Wanda's house party and seeing a bunch of people I didn't care about getting pissed wasn't comforting. Besides, even if I went, I'd probably see Wanda once before she'd get scooped away by Nate. What was the point?

"Nah, I don't think I'm going," I decided. "She won't notice. I'll just get her a present instead."

Y/BF/N sighed, clearly not impressed with my answer. Nonetheless, he said, "Okay, suit yourself."

"You can go if you want," I added, knowing his presence wasn't linked with mine.

"No Y/N, no party," he said with a dismissive shrug, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Such a good friend," I said teasingly, but there was truth to my words. And I knew he knew that.

When I saw photos and videos of Wanda and Pietro's party all over my social media the day after, I knew I'd made the right choice in not going. It was the same visuals of everyone getting drunk, doing stupid shit and making a mess. Call me a loser, but that wasn't really my scene. Pietro and Wanda both seemed to enjoy it though, judging from the pictures.

Instead, I bought her a birthday present, knowing I didn't have to but I kind of wanted to, and planned to give it to her when she turned up to class. It was her birthday today, despite throwing the party over the weekend, so I hoped it would make up for my absence (thought I doubted she noticed).

She showed up and settled beside me as I was writing the date in my notebook, making me look up to see she'd made an extra effort to dress up for her birthday, looking fancier than usual. I couldn't help but smile at the giant '18' birthday badge pinned to her jacket.

"Happy birthday, Wanda," was the first thing I said when I saw her. "You look amazing."

A bashful smile appeared on her lips. "Thank you, Y/N."

"I hope your party went well," I said, giving her my full attention whilst trying not to drool over how beautiful she looked.

Surprisingly, her smile faded and her eyebrows knitted together. "Yeah, it did... could you not make it? I tried looking for you and– yeah..."

I opened my mouth to speak, admittedly a little embarrassed that she'd caught me out. I was sure she wouldn't notice – the pictures made it seem like there were loads of guests, I'd definitely have blended in if I were there – but clearly I was mistaken.

"I just thought–" she began, before shaking her head. "Never mind."

"Sorry, I thought–" I started, but like her, didn't know what to say. "Parties aren't my thing," I admitted truthfully. "But it looked fun. You enjoyed it, right?"

She nodded, a small forced smile on her lips. "Yeah, right. It's cool. No biggie."

I swallowed awkwardly. It seemed like a biggie and now I felt bad.

"I, er, got you a gift," I blurted, hoping to change the subject. Reaching into my backpack, I pulled out the terribly wrapped present and held it out nervously. "I hope you, er, like it."

Her eyebrows raised as her eyes flickered between the present and I. "Oh? You didn't have to. I wasn't expecting anything."

Was it hot in here or was it just me?

I pulled my collar away from my neck, hoping to circulate some air. "I wanted to. It's not a big deal."

She accepted the gift, fingers brushing mine and making me even more nervous, before opening it up. Her eyes sparkled with delight as she revealed a brand new leather paintbrush carry case.

"The one you always carry around is tattered and falling apart, so I thought I'd get you a new one," I explained, feeling like I had to. "I mean, unless the other one has some sort of sentimental value, then in that case, I can just return this."

"Are you kidding? I love it!" she exclaimed, looking to me with a grin. "It's beautiful, Y/N. I don't even know what else to say."

My shoulders relaxed, a relieved smile tugging at my lips. "Good. Th-that's good. I'm glad you like it."

Without warning, she moved forward off her stool and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug. I was startled, unable to think straight with her body pressed so close to mine and her floral perfume wafting into my nose. Why did she have to smell so good?

"Thank you," she muttered, pulling away but not quite letting go. Her eyes were glowing as they watched me carefully, accompanying her weak-in-the-knees smile. I was sure I'd melt. "It means a lot."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak for fear I'd say something stupid. I resisted the urge to look down at her lips, which were pulled into a small, appreciative smile. She let go of me, looking to the case again and unravelling it. I caught my breath meanwhile, my senses still on override as her perfume lingered.

She was just so damn beautiful.

—

"Okay, how about this – robotic or organic aliens. Which would you rather invade our planet?" Y/BF/N asked.

I chuckled at his question. "Definitely haven't thought about that one, but let's see..."

We were hanging in the bleachers out near the football field as we waited for football practice to end. Y/BF/N had a Film project to do and needed to film the field, so I offered to help like the good friend I was.

"Probably organic," I answered as I balanced on the bleachers, standing up and tiptoeing down them like steps. "At least we could reason with them if they tried to kill us because they'd have a conscience. Robotic aliens would just be programmed to take over and that's it."

Y/BF/N seemed against the idea as he played with his camera. "Yeah, but if they were robotic, all we'd have to do is launch a missile at them and they'd explode. You can break metal. It's harder to break organic matter."

I stifled a laugh. "You've given this much thought, I see."

He gave me a knowing look. "You telling me you don't think aliens exist?"

I stopped tiptoeing and stood still as I looked down at him with humoured eyes. "You know I know aliens exist."

He waved his hand like that was enough reasoning. "There you go then!"

I laughed, wondering how he thought of this stuff, then continued to balance as I walked down the bleachers. Probably the wrong choice as when I heard a voice call me, I looked up, saw it was Wanda, then proceeded to miss a step and fall onto my arse.

"Oh God, Y/N, are you okay?" she asked, moving forward to help me.

My face heated up as Y/BF/N laughed his arse off beside me. I accepted Wanda's hand and let her pull me up, before letting go immediately when I could handle it myself. Her presence always made me nervous, but this was just terrible.

"Yeah, I'm good," I said, glancing at her and freezing at her piercing gaze and suppressed smile.

"You sure?" she asked, glancing at Y/BF/N, before trying to hide her own laughter.

Fuck me, why was I such a mess whenever she was around?

"Very sure," I said, though my back began to ache from where I hit it. "What's up, anyway?"

Y/BF/N finally shut up, to my relief, and Wanda minimised her laughter before scratching her head.

"I'm waiting for practice to end so I can take Pietro home," she said, nodding to the field. "I saw you both sat here and thought I'd say hi. Are you guys watching practice?"

"Not really," I answered, before tilting my head to Y/BF/N. "We're just waiting for it to end so Y/BF/N can film for his project."

"Ooh, that sounds interesting," she said, intrigued and looking to him now. "What's that about?"

As he caught her up on it, I found myself checking Wanda out without realising. She was animated as she listened to Y/BF/N talk about his assignment, eyes giving him all of her attention, and a permanent smile was fixed on her lips as she listened to him. Though it wasn't directed at me, I felt butterflies swirling a storm in my stomach and clutched it, hoping they'd go away. I loved and hated the feeling all at once.

Breaking me from my reverie, a football flew past all three of us and hit the bleachers, startling us all. We looked in the direction it came from and saw the football team looking back at us, some laughing and some disgruntled. Two players ran towards us and when they got close enough, I made them out as Pietro and Nate.

Nate was laughing as he looked between us all, before his gaze fell on me. "It's Y/N, right? I feel like I'm always throwing that thing at you. Sorry about that."

But his constant laughing and lack of guilt refuted his words. I merely clenched my jaw and narrowed my eyes his way, not that he seemed to care nor notice. I was a mere fly in a world that revolved around him. He'd never notice.

"Babe, I'm sorry, I didn't even know you were over here," he added, looking to Wanda. "You okay?"

Wanda crossed her arms and seemed frustrated. "I'm fine, Nate. Just get your ball."

He shrugged and grabbed his ball. Before leaving, he pressed a kiss to Wanda's cheek which made me wince, but she made no attempt in enjoying it. He didn't seem to care as he took off running back to his team. Pietro smiled apologetically at the three of us.

"I'm sorry," he said genuinely. "He can be such a dick sometimes."

That was the understatement of the century.

With that, he turned and ran back to his team to finish up. Wanda sighed, running a hand through her hair, as Y/BF/N and I exchanged glances.

"I should get the car running," she said awkwardly, pointing a thumb over her shoulder and towards the car park. "Good luck with your assignment, Y/BF/N. And I'll see you tomorrow, Y/N."

Waving goodbye with an awkward smile, I watched her leave and wondered the same thing I always did whenever Nate decided to make an appearance in my life.

How could she be dating such a dick?

—

Apart from the birthday party I didn't go to, I'd never been invited (or had a reason to go) to Wanda's house. I'd seen it, rode my bike past it, but never actually been in it. So, when she invited me to her place to work on a project we'd been assigned in class, I was unsure how to feel. She was adamant though and I had no reason to say no, so the only thing left to do was say yes. Even when she offered to drive me there after school.

"This is your car?" I asked with disbelief.

I knew absolutely nothing about cars, but I wasn't blind. Hers was a gorgeous deep red colour with a convertible roof that was currently lowered so anyone in it would feel the sun on their back and wind in their hair.

"Yeah, you like it?" she asked as she got into the driver's seat.

I gulped and sat in the passenger's seat, throwing my backpack at my feet. "It's so nice. You sure you don't mind me drinking in this?"

I had a Pepsi bottle in my hand and was deathly afraid of opening it now in case I spilt it and the cleaning bill would be more than I made in a year at the pizza parlour.

She laughed, already pulling out of the car park. "Of course. Don't be silly."

I glanced in her direction, trying not to get distracted by how good she looked in the driver's seat. She was wearing a red leather jacket, funnily enough, matching the exterior of her car, and she had dark eyeliner around her eyes, accentuating the shape and colour of them and leaving me speechless whenever she looked my way.

"There's CDs in the glove compartment," she was saying as she focused on the road. "Or you can mess around with the radio. It's up to you."

"CDs?" I asked, it piquing my interest. I reached into the glove compartment, adding, "What is this, the 2000s?"

She rolled her eyes playfully, accepting my teasing, as I flicked through the small stack of albums.

"I don't know, I guess I just like having the physical version," she said with a shrug. "It's kind of like a collection."

I chuckled at her need to explain herself, watching the way she rubbed her neck nervously, smiling with embarrassment. Looking back to the albums, a particular one grabbed my attention and I plucked it out with raised brows.

"Oh my God, you like Paramore?" I asked, looking to her with surprise. "Now it's definitely the 2000s."

Her cheeks flushed as she grew flustered. I nudged her in the side gently, getting her attention briefly.

"I'm kidding," I reassured, tilting my head her way playfully. "I actually love Paramore. They're my favourite band."

"Really?" she asked with surprise as I put the CD in her car. I hummed in response, to which she continued, "Have you ever seen them live?"

As For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic played quietly in the background, I nodded my head. "Yeah, once. It was a few years ago, but the tickets were shitty and I could just about make them out on stage in the distance."

Wanda laughed, the sound making my heart skip a beat. "No, that's so sad!"

I chuckled in agreement. "Yeah. It was, but oh well. They have a tour coming up this summer, right? Maybe I can get better tickets this time 'round... what about you? Have you ever seen them live?"

She hummed, making a turn at some traffic lights and chewing her lower lip as she focused on doing so. It was definitely the wrong time, but I found myself admiring how attractive it was, especially when her jaw tensed and her defined jawline was on display.

"Yeah, I saw them a few times," she finally responded, pulling me from my stupor. "Some really good seats, some really shitty ones." She giggled at the end, making me smile. "Maybe we could go to that concert in the summer. If you're up for it?"

This seemed like one of those times where you made plans with a friend that you knew would never happen, so to not cause an awkwardness in the conversation, I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, maybe."

She glanced at me and I mirrored her smile, the flash of excitement in her eyes knocking me breathless.

When we reached her house, I was awestruck at how big it was from the inside. I mean, it looked huge from the outside, but the inside was even better. Her family were rich, I knew that, but this was some other level of rich.

"Here, c'mon, I'll get you a drink, then we can go into the dining room to start," Wanda said, failing to recognise my amazement and instead leading me to the kitchen. "We have tropical juice, apple juice, water, Sprite, Cola... which d'you want?"

I settled at the island, taking a seat and subtly admiring her kitchen. "Er, apple juice is fine with me."

She smiled brightly before pouring me a glass, whilst pouring herself some Sprite. Standing opposite me, we both took a moment to have a drink, but didn't get chance to exchange words as her mum entered the room and noticed me instantly.

"Y/N, it's so lovely to see you again!" she said kindly, patting me on the shoulder before heading to the fridge. "You girls hanging out? Studying?"

"We have a project," Wanda filled in as I nodded in agreement. "We alright to claim the dining room?"

After grabbing some water from the fridge, Wanda's mum pressed a kiss to her daughter's cheek. "Sure thing, sweetie. If you need anything, just let me know." Smiling once more at me, she said, "It's good to see you, Y/N."

"You too," I said with a friendly smile before she left.

"Come on," Wanda said, motioning for me to follow. "We have tons to do."

The next hour and a half was spent with Wanda and I planning out our project, our work sprawled along the dining table messily. We were making progress, until she got a call suddenly. It seemed serious as she gave me an apologetic glance and excused herself. I let her go and leaned back in my seat, wondering what I could do as I waited for her to return. That thought was resolved quite quickly when Pietro popped his head in the doorway and spotted me.

"Y/N! What an honour to welcome you to our humble abode," he exclaimed, entering the room fully. "What brings you here?"

Pietro's presence always brought an amused smile to my lips. "Wanda and I are working on a Chemistry project. She's just nipped out for a phone call."

He tutted dramatically, crossing his arms. "Well, well, well. We can't have that! Wanda needs to learn to entertain her guests. C'mon. I was about to head to the gaming room and could use the company."

I was visibly surprised. "You have a gaming room? Dude, that's awesome!"

He laughed. "C'mon."

Joining Pietro, the two of us headed to this so-called gaming room and I was not disappointed. There was a huge TV with a PlayStation and Nintendo Switch connected to it, a snooker table, a foosball table, a dart board, some old arcade games – it was amazing, any gamer's biggest dream.

"What you feeling, princess?" he said with that flirtatious smile of his.

I rolled my eyes playfully. He was being overtly flirty, more so than his sister was – was it a Maximoff personality trait or something? – and I wasn't sure whether he meant it or was just being his usual self.

"Are you flirting?" I deadpanned, tilting my head curiously. "I can't tell."

He pocketed his hands, swinging back on the heels of his feet. "That depends. Is it working?"

Despite my lack of interest in him like that, I felt my face heat up at the attention. "Pietro, I must tell you that any moves you attempt to make kind of won't work."

"And why's that?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the snooker table with a cheeky smile on his lips. "Am I not your type?"

"Unless you change into a girl, then no," I played along, making him flush with embarrassment. "Hate to break it to you, but I'm gay."

"Okay, I guess that makes sense," he mumbled to himself, before sighing and meeting my eyes. "We can still be friends, right? Or is that forbidden since you're already friends with my sister?"

I laughed and approached him. "Friends works. I don't think Wanda will care. I certainly don't."

He grinned. "Awesome! Well, d'you wanna play a round of foosball?"

"Sure," I said with an amused expression. "Bet I can kick your arse."

He pushed himself off the table and feigned surprise. "Oh? Game on, Y/L/N."

I didn't realise how long Wanda had been on the phone until I managed to get through three rounds of foosball and was in the middle of a snooker game with Pietro.

"You may have beat me at foosball, but you're terrible at this," he pointed out with stifled laughter.

I'd missed my third shot and it was more funny than it was embarrassing.

"Your talking distracts me," I said dismissively, before lining up the next shot with my cue.

He watched as I tried to take my shot before sighing loudly. I glanced at him with a quirked brow.

"You have a thought you'd like to share?" I asked playfully.

He hesitated, moving forward to correct my posture. "Look, if you just aim it like this–"

"Don't even think about it, Romeo," I said jokingly, standing up straight and pushing him away gently. "I know what you're thinking."

He laughed. "What? I was just going to help you aim!"

I gave him a knowing look. "So holding me close is just a bonus?"

"Fine, take your shot without my help and see what happens," he said dismissively, waving his hand.

"I'll do just that," I said with confidence, before bending down and taking my shot. The ball hit the other and neither were pocketed, which was an achievement as I'd got the cue ball in several times before, but still pretty shit as I didn't score any points.

Pietro smiled with satisfaction, leaning on his cue. "You happy with that?"

I held in a laugh as I looked to him. "Shut up."

He chuckled before bumping me out the way. "Now for the professional."

Bending down to take his shot, he pulled back his cue before hitting the balls. They rolled around on the table and one ball was about to go in, but I quickly grabbed it before he could get the point.

"Y/N!" he shouted between laughter. "That's cheating!"

"Technically we didn't establish rules," I pointed out, before moving backwards as he tried to grab it from my hand. "What do you say to calling it a draw and playing something else?"

"I say that's a childish way to admit you've lost," he responded, before moving forward quickly. I dodged his attempt and he pursed his lips. "Y/N."

"Pietro."

He smirked. "Seriously?"

I grinned.

He tried to grab it again and ended up chasing me around the room as I avoided giving in. Taking the piss out of Y/BF/N enough times had prepared me for moments like this, so I was able to avoid Pietro long enough to run into whoever walked through the door.

"Shit, Wanda, I'm sorry," I said between laughter, steadying both me and her.

She smiled with confusion, about to speak, but Pietro caught up to me and lifted me up, throwing me onto the couch before I could protest.

"No more cheating," he said sternly, as I lifted my head from the pile of cushions on the couch to look up at him.

"You're an arse," I said, pushing myself up off the couch.

"And you're a sore loser!"

We had a mini staring competition before the two of erupted into laughter.

"You're not half bad, Pietro," I complimented as he helped me up.

"Thank you, princess," he said, the flirtatious smile on his lips again.

I shoved him in the shoulder playfully before looking to Wanda, who was chewing on her lip as she looked between Pietro and I with an unreadable expression.

"So, what prompted you to leave Y/N alone for an hour?" Pietro asked, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, making me shove him away. He grinned at me before looking to Wanda.

"Nate called," Wanda responded carefully, arms crossed as she continued to look between us. God, I hoped she didn't think Pietro and I liked each other. That would be embarrassing.

Pietro scoffed from beside me, making Wanda sigh with annoyance.

"Don't start, Piet," she said and gave him a look which he seemed to understand.

By the sounds of it, Pietro didn't seem to like Wanda's dick of a boyfriend either. That was strange since wasn't impressing the brother the first part of being in a relationship with someone? And they were on the same football team, so I figured he'd at least tolerate him.

"Are we alright to get back to studying?" Wanda asked, directing her stare to me. The annoyance she held for Pietro was still present in her eyes and I suddenly felt nervous when she looked my way.

"Yeah, of course," I said, before giving Pietro a half-smile. "Rematch at snooker next time. Sound good?"

"Try to keep the balls on the table and we'll see," he teased, before nodding to Wanda. "You should get back to your project before Wanda kills us both with her deadly glare."

I smiled awkwardly, looking back to Wanda as she was indeed glaring at her brother. Clearly there was some sibling rivalry going on here, and I definitely didn't want to get in the middle of it, so I headed to Wanda, signalling I was ready to leave.

The two of us headed back to the dining room in an uncomfortable silence. I felt like I'd done something wrong and she was giving me the silent treatment which was strange. Then I figured it was probably something with Nate that made her annoyed, so didn't question it too much.

We sat back down and I looked at what we'd done so far to try and pick up where we left off, but then she spoke out of the blue, taking me by surprise.

"Do you like my brother?"

It was so abrupt that I took a moment to acknowledge it, blinking. "What?"

"Pietro," she clarified, saying it with such dismissiveness like it wasn't a big deal. Her attention was on the books before us as she continued, "Do you like him?"

I tried not to laugh as I shook my head. "No, Wanda. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a great guy. But yeah, no, I don't like him like that."

She chewed her lip, nodding, but I swear I saw a hint of a smile on her lips. I hoped it wasn't the thought of Pietro and I that made her annoyed. I wasn't that bad, was I? I know she cared about her brother and was probably overprotective, but me being his girlfriend couldn't have been that bad, right?

We got back to work in no time, getting a lot done. I didn't realise how late it was getting until Wanda's mum poked her head in, asking if I wanted to stay for dinner.

"Dinner?" I asked, eyebrows raising with surprise. I checked my watch and realised how long I'd been here. "Damn, maybe I should head back."

"Nonsense, you must stay," her mum insisted. "Y/M/N won't mind. A daughter of hers is a daughter of mine."

"You can even sleepover if you want," Wanda offered, and I almost choked on my own spit. "It's getting pretty late."

I shook my head, forcing a small smile so they wouldn't get offended. "Honestly, it's fine. I can head back."

"Please?" Wanda asked with a hopeful expression. "It's the least I can do. I kinda wasted your time for an hour earlier..."

"I should ask my mum," I said, chewing on the inside of my mouth.

"Oh, I'll ring and let her know," Wanda's mum said breezily, before looking to Wanda. "D'you think you can clear your things up? Your brother is gonna set the table."

"Sure, mum." Wanda smiled her way as she left, before looking to me. "I've got clothes and a spare toothbrush you can use tonight."

I smiled awkwardly, nodding. Sleeping over at my crush's house wasn't how I thought I'd be spending my Wednesday evening, yet here we were.

#wanda maximoff au #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff #elizabeth olsen #marvel imagine #mcu imagine #marvel #mcu

608 notes · View notes

jin0 · 3 years ago

Note

JIN OMG CONGRATS ON 1K!!!! u are a fantastic writer and u deserve it!! i've been absolutely obsessed with ur acc recently. thank u sm for blessing us with ur writing 💕

if ur still doing the ❄ ask, i would love to throw myself into the mix for an andrew garfield character lol. you've prob been getting a lot of requests tho so if u can't get to it it's no biggie!!!!

i'm white with shortish auburn hair (it's like a pixie cut w bangs lol). i'm pretty short i think around like 5'3". i'm genderfluid (i go by he/she/they) and i really love to mix things up when it comes to style, keeping my fashion sense a lovely mix of masculine and feminine

i'm a huge artist!!!! specifically a musician. i love to sing and play the guitar. i also write a lot, whether it be lyrics or poetry or short stories. i'm pretty active in theatre and i love to act. i'm a huge reader, i have a terrible habit of getting caught up in fantasy worlds. i'm also obsessed with film and cinematography. i'm just absolutely head over heels in love with the arts lol

i'm a weird mix of extremely chaotic and loud and the dad friend lmao. i'm a very big hopeless romantic. i tend to romantize everything about people and life that i can and that's obviously not always a good thing lol

thank u so so much!!! i hope ur having a wonderful day and i'm sending u the best vibes!!! ❤

his little chaos bringer !

to you i give :

another chaos bringer : link !!

link liked to laugh. the thing is he liked to laugh at people. because in real life he didn't find much things funny.

but you ? oh you, you were hilarious.

you were what the dictionary meant whenever the word chaos was brought up on social medias or in life. you were the physical representation of what chaos was and all that wrapped in a flesh suit like you called them. yeah, you had a problem with the word body. you thought it was tacky and out of fashion. per your words, we'd been using it long enough, it was time for 'a new supreme to rise'.

you would just say the absolute weirdest shit ever and he'd be on the floor, trying to breath. the majority of these were funny because you were a hundred percent serious too, which did give him whiplash. because as unhinged and stupid as you could be, you were also the most caring and loving being out there. your friends called you the dad friend once and you'd started wearing weird baseball caps and calling them 'champs'.

you could try and act like you didn't take it seriously but that simple way of seeing you had turned you into pure mush. you enjoyed being reliable and helping others fulfill whatever your friends needed. you truly were a dad, and the best one. you took your role seriously and it was both hilarious and adorable.

maybe the theater kid in you just saw this as another role. that was what drew him to you. the way you'd just be a dad to your friends, because it was fun and because that was who you were. a caring, slightly mentally unstable and unhinged dad stuck in a younger body. the thought did make him laugh because you'd mentioned before that you were pretty sure to be some supernatural entity body jumping from time to time because it was fun and because you'd trick people into thinking you were a certain age when in truth you were very old. ancient even.

the things you'd say made absolutely no sense and that's why he loves you. because he was the dumb idiot in love who just enjoyed to get in on your secret theories. being your boyfriend just felt like getting premier ticket to some grand wizard show where you never knew what you'd get served but it would be great either away.

and sometimes, the grand wizard show was especially unique because he'd get it like he was right now. with you straddling his lap, in your underwear, holding his face while he tried not to pass out from loss of oxygen. he'd been laughing for about thirty minutes non stop and couldn't feel his stomach anymore. he wasn't working his abs out ever again after this. he'd done enough for a lifetime.

"linkus ! do not pass out ! we are not done yet ! you haven't heard my theory on immortality just yet ! cause i'm about to blow your mind, and then you if you're game but we'll discuss that part later !" you exclaimed, holding him tightly as he tried to crawl away to calm himself down.

linkus, that was a reoccurring nickname when link didn't feel formal enough for what you'd been saying or wanted to say. here, linkus was a way for you, the scientist (or philosopher, he didn't fully grasp that part) to get him to focus on your grand discovery.

"you told me about your shit immortality theory, bun bun !"

"no i didn't !" you responded, frowning hard.

"yes you did ! you think you're immortal until proven mortal !" he laughed, loosing it once more.

you paused for a second, smiling.

"i did tell you. and you remembered ! we're improving here ! but stop saying it's shit ! it makes sense ! what exactly proves that we're not immortal ?!" you exclaimed, genuinely offended by his disregard of your genius. if only he knew how much of a great mind you had.

"death, bun bun ! death does that !" chuckled link, kissing your cheek softly and laughing when you rejected him.

"yeah but no ! the other ones that die, they aren't me ! i'm different ! i have the capacities to be an immortal !" you countered, waving your arms around to gesture to the outside. poor random people just weren't worthy of immortality under your words.

"so now it's a capacity ? last time you said it was natural selection." he challenged, raising an eyebrow and smiling.

"i lied last time." you simply shrugged.

he burst out laughing against. you were truly a gem, his bun bun.

when he was calm again, after a long while, his eyes couldn't leave your face. he couldn't stop staring at you. you breathed beauty and love. he wasn't the most romantic man ever, but the poems that would run through his mind just made him realize how much he loved you. because for you he could write like one of the french poets quoted in period pieces.

grabbing your ass, he pulled you to him, a soft and loving smile stretching his lips. your arms automatically placed themselves around his shoulders to bring him towards you too. what a sweet and sensual moment to share after discussing the most bonkers shit ever right ? yeah, that was true versatility right there.

letting his fingers run up your back and his thumbs press into your ribs, he kissed your lips tenderly, barely touching you. like he expected and loved, you whined for him, pushing your face towards his while whimpering for more kisses.

"how 'bout we pause on the immortality talk and i test out one of my theories huh ? wanna see how good i can make you feel with my mouth alone. what do you say pixie bun ?"

now that was a theory that you would agree to test out.

#•°jin's 1k sleepover°•#•° jin replies <3°•#link mainstream imagine #link mainstream #andrew garfield mainstream #mainstream imagine #mainstream #andrew garfield one shot #andrew garfield imagine #andrew garfield

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topsytervy · 4 years ago

Text

Book Lovers ~ Pope Heyward

Blurb: You have a crush on Pope and Pope has a crush on you. Your love for books brings you together.

Word Count: 3,376

Warnings: swearing, poorly written towards the end cause I'm bad at ending writings, probably spelling/grammar errors, I think thats it.

I started writing this as a whole bond over books thing and then it kind of got away from that a bit but not really I don't think.

Also, the way i was going back and forth between writing this and something Calum Hood related cause its his birthday and I love him was insane.

~~~~~~

You sat on the beach on a towel, a book in hand as the sounds of screams and waves filled the air.

Not too far away sat Pope, staring at you as JJ, John B and Kie surfed. He watched as you brushed some hair behind your ear before turning the page, completely engrossed by whatever it was you were reading.

"Are you serious?" Pope jumped as his head swiveled to look at the voice that spoke.

Kie stood there, surfboard under her arm with an eyebrow raised, the two other boys behind her.

"What?" Pope shrugged, acting as casual as he could.

"Really? Playing dumb Pope? Thats JJ's job." She answered, setting down her board and sitting next to him.

"I take some offense to that, Kie." JJ told her which only caused the curly-haired girl to roll her eyes.

"Just go talk to her, Pope."

Pope widened his eyes. "Are you crazy, Kie?"

"If talking to someone you like is crazy then have me committed but last time I checked it was normal."

"What would I even talk to her about?"

"Oh, I don't know. She's only reading a book. Gosh if only you read." Kie told him, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

Pope sighed before getting up.

"Go get 'em, tiger." John B grinned as him and JJ took a seat next to Kie, watching as Pope made his way over.

He was about halfway to you before he turned around and walked back, shaking his head. "I can't do it. It's rude to interrupt someone's reading ya know. That and Toppers walking towards her."

JJ scoffed. "Really, man. Toppers got nothing on you. Besides, I'm pretty sure they're just friends."

"Oh quite the opposite, JJ. He's got money and a way nicer boat."

John B shot Pope a look. "How dare you insult the HMS Pogue like that."

"You know what I mean. He can buy her literally anything she asks for."

"Okay. So he's got money and a nice boat. That means he's trying to compensate for something. Any guesses as to what that is?" Kie stared at Pope.

JJ grinned, deciding to answer for his best friend. "His di-"

"Personality, JJ" Kie cut off the blonde. "What he lacks in personality, he makes up for with money. Topper is boring as hell. He doesn't know the meaning of excitement and adventure. You do. I'm sure you have way more in common with her than Topper does."

Pope took one last look at you, book open but ignored as Topper chatted with you. You just smiled and nodded before standing up and gathering your things, waving a small goodbye to Topper as you did.

You glanced over and saw the Pogues watching you so you brought up your hand and sent them a small wave, blushing when Pope smiled and waved back at you.

The next time Pope saw you was at the library. He was getting a couple of books for a paper he had to write and you were there, scanning the shelves, trying to figure out what book you wanted to read next.

Pope had looked over and froze when he saw you just a few feet away from him, fingers ghosting over the spines of books as you read the titles.

You had agreed to ride with Kelce to the library considering he needed a specific book to read and you needed a new book to read. You chewed on your lip, focusing on each one before pulling one out that caught your eye, reading the blurb before ultimately deciding that you didn’t want to read that one now.

Pope took a deep breath before scanning the titles himself, attempting to find one that he had already read that he thought you would enjoy. He finally found one and grabbed it, walking over to you.

"Having troubles?" He asked.

You jumped slightly before looking at him. "Little bit. It's hard to find which one to read next, ya know."

Pope nodded before handing you the book. "You might like this one. I read it and could hardly put it down. It's definitely on my list of books to own."

You took it with a smile. "Thanks."

"It's no biggie." Pope shrugged.

You smiled again before walking backwards towards the checkout counter. "I'll see you around, Pope."

Pope grinned at the fact that you knew his name. "I hope so, Y/N."

You blushed slightly before turning around, meeting up with Kelce who immediately noticed your reddened cheeks.

"What's going on over here, Y/N/N?" He asked, pointing to his own cheeks.

"Nothing." You mumbled, placing your book and library card on the counter.

Kelce looked around, trying to spot who was making his best friend blush before shrugging.

Later that night, you and Kelce were sitting on his living room floor with Rafe and Topper, a board game set out in front of the boys as you read your book and listened to their conversation.

"Topper, St.Louis is not the capital of Illinois." Rafe said for what felt like the hundredth time.

"What are you talking about? Yes it is!"

Kelce took a deep breath before looking at Topper. "Top, sweetie, if you think St.Louis is the capital of Illinois, then what's the capital of Missouri?"

"Boise?"

You peered over your book with a blank look on your face, Kelce and Rafe having the same look on theirs.

"Come on guys, you know I'm bad at geography." Topper whined.

"I think," Rafe started, looking at Kelce, "We need to bust out that Sequence state capital game from second grade."

"I think I lost a brain cell during this conversation," Kelce rubbed his temples.

"Good thing you're not playing fucking jeopardy or you'd really be screwed, Top." You said.

Topper turned his attention to you. "Not all of us are book smart, Y/L/N." Topper leaned over to look at the page before squinting. "Whatcha reading that's better than playing a game with us, anyway?"

You held up the book enough so they could read the title and Rafe raised an eyebrow. "Where'd ya find that one?"

"Someone recommended it to me." You blushed a little at the interaction with Pope earlier that day.

"Oh ho ho. That is the same blush you had at the library. You like this person." Kelce pointed.

"Shut up, Kelc."

"Wait. She was blushing? Oh snap."

"Spill the name, Y/N."

You rolled your eyes at your friends before replying. "I don't have to tell you three anything."

"Come on. If you're not gonna tell us then how will we tease you?" Rafe whined.

"That's exactly why I'm not gonna tell you. You'll just tease me and then whenever he's around, you'll act all juvenile."

Topper looked at the two boys before turning towards you. "If we promise that we will keep the teasing to a minimum when he's not around and that we act mature about this, will you tell us?"

You bit your lip before hesitantly nodding. Rafe, Topper and Kelce's eyes widened, eager to hear the name about to come out of your mouth.

You sighed, bookmarking your page. "His name is Marcel. He wears glasses and wears a sweater vest. A bit on the awkward side but very sweet."

Kelce and Topper shot each other confused glances, never having heard that name before. Rafe, on the other hand, cocked his head to the side with an unamused look and a 'really'.

"You know this Marcel, Cameron?" Topper asked.

"Yeah. If you watch the Best Song Ever music video, you'll meet him. I do have two sisters, remember." He answered.

You shrugged. "Worth a shot."

"Come on, Y/L/N. Just give us the name."

You held up your hands in surrender. "Okay, okay." Your three friends leaned forward, staying quiet with raised eyebrows. "Pope Heyward."

"Oh my God," Topper breathed.

"Can we not do the usual 'traitor' bullshit please? I feel like my mom is already going to have a fit."

"What makes you think we'd do that?"

You shot each of them a look before standing up. "I gotta get going. You guys have fun and Topper," you looked at the blonde, "learn your damn capitals."

And then you were out the door.

****

Pope walked into The Wreck a few days later and spotted you in the corner, book in hand while you ate your food. Pope was so focused on you that he didn't even notice Kie appear next to him with a water pitcher in her hand.

"You gonna stand there all day or you gonna sit down with her and start up a conversation."

Pope whipped his head to look at his friend before shrugging. "I guess I could but sh-"

"She's reading and its rude to interrupt someone whos reading. I know." Kie rolled her eyes before walking over to your table.

He saw you smile at Kie and greet her before nodding. You looked past Kie and saw Pope. You grinned and waved him over which Pope happily did, taking a seat across from you.

"Want anything Pope?" Kie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Just get me the usual."

Kie smiled before walking away towards the back.

"I finished that book you recommended to me last night and I was speechless. The ending was...wow." You leaned back in your chair, taking a drink of water.

"I know right. That book made me want to read all his other works and they're all just so amazing." Pope grinned.

"His writing is so poetic that I was surprised I wasn't reading an actual poem."

"Exactly. He's such a good writer."

You two talked for hours about different authors and books you guys liked, eventually both of you started writing down names of books and authors for the other to check out.

"How long have they been like that?" John B asked, JJ sitting beside him along with the kook boys who joined them unexpectedly with no hassle whatsoever.

"Lets see. You five have been here for 45 minutes to an hour, Pope showed up a couple of hours before you. So...almost four." Kie smiled before scurrying off to wait on another table.

"Four what? Hours?" JJ asked.

"Yes, dumbass." Rafe rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to the table where you sat with Pope.

"They both look so happy." Topper commented.

"Because they are. They're in love." Kelce sighed with a dopey smile on his face, resting his head against his hand.

"Aren't they a little young for love?" John B raised an eyebrow.

Kelce shot him a look which caused John B to raise his hand in surrender.

"What do you think they're talking about?"

"They're both nerds. Take a guess."

JJ opened his mouth to object, offended on behalf of his best friend but John B stopped him. "No, no. He has a point."

You glanced at your watch before standing up, saying something to Pope who nodded, handing each other your phones.

JJ smirked. "My boy is getting some." Rafe, Kelce, and Topper all turned to look at JJ, unamused with his words. "Or not."

*****

Pope shook his head. "No way. That is one of the dumbest and most cliche tropes ever."

It was a week later and you and Pope sat at The Wreck again, having a conversation about whatever you recently read and now, apparently, your favorite and least favorite tropes.

"I have to disagree. Enemies to lovers has my heart." You responded, taking a bite out of your burger after you spoke.

"One bed and they have to share reigns supreme." Pope popped a fry into his mouth like that was the end of discussion.

You held up your finger as you finished chewing before swallowing. "You have to have some love for the enemies to lovers trope then because a lot of enemies to lovers involve sharing a bed." You pointed out.

"What about friends to lovers? Hmm? Hmmm? That right there is practically gold and bed sharing comes into play."

You rolled your eyes. "At some point, a friend likes another. I can tell you in confidence that I had a crush on Topper, Kelce, and Rafe at some point in our friendship. It was bound to happen because we hang out so much. Enemies to lovers though? Who willingly hangs out with their enemy? No one."

Pope laughed. "Alright. Sure. Whatever."

"Don't whatever me Pope. I'm right and you know I am." You laughed.

Pope held his hands up in surrender. "Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night."

Kiara walked over to your table and you smiled. "Lets ask Kie."

"Ask me what?" Her eyes darted between you and Pope.

Pope turned to Kie. "I want you to be honest with me, Kie. Which trope is better? Best friends to lovers or enemies to lovers."

Kie blinked slowly as she spoke. "I was just coming here to ask if you need refills or anything else."

"This is more important. Best friends to lovers or enemies to lovers?"

You both looked at the girl expectedly and she shrugged. "I'm more of a fake dating girl myself so neither."

"Or both." You raised your eyebrows.

"True. Enemies could fake date or friends could. Sounds like a both thing for me."

Kie just turned and walked away, shaking her head with a small smile.

Your phone dinged and you looked down, seeing a text from your mom. "Thats my mother paging me." You sighed as you stood up. "This has been a fun date, Pope."

"Date?"

You felt your face heat up from embarrassment."Oh, was this...not- I shouldn't have assumed. I'm sorry."

"No, it was. I just didn't think you'd think of it as one." Pope quickly said.

You smiled before kissing his cheek. "I'll talk to you later then.'

Pope blushed as he watched you walk away, paying for your half of the meal before exiting the building.

****

It's been a month since you and Pope became official. A lot of your dates were either study dates, beach dates, or dates that consisted of you two eating at The Wreck while discussing anything under the sun.

Pope was kind of scared when you asked him what he wanted to do for a living, considering everyone else thought it was weird but you were supportive.

"That's cool."

Popes eyes widened in shock at your words. "Really? No 'why would you choose a coroner' or 'why the hell would you wanna work with dead bodies'?"

You shrugged as you stole one of the fries from his plate. "I think it's cool. It's a job not many people want but it's an important one."

That was probably when Pope knew that he was in deep with you. The fact that you didn't judge the things he was passionate about and what he wanted to do. That just made him fall for you more and let him know that you were the perfect girl for him.

Now here you were, spending the weekend together in the best way.

You sat in Pope's living room, okay laid in Pope's living room, watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Pope had the house all to himself for the weekend and invited you over for a Harry Potter movie marathon since you two just finished rereading the entire series.

So here you were, curled into your boyfriend's side with his arm draped over your shoulders, holding you closer if that was even possible.

You sighed as Alan Rickman appeared on the screen. "I miss him."

Pope kissed the top of your head as he rubbed your arm. "I know, sweetheart. You say that everytime he pops up on screen."

"I can't help it. He was just such a good soul."

Pope smiled, twirling some of your hair around his finger. He loved listening to you talk about things and people you were passionate about. The smile on your face whenever someone, usually him, brought up one of those topics was worth it and he could listen to your voice for hours on end, which usually happened when a topic of interest was brought up.

"Are you even listening to me?" You'd ask, tapping his wrist.

"Every word."

You'd lean back and cross your arms, a smirk on your face as you raised one of your eyebrows. "Oh really?"

He'd nod before speaking. "You were saying how you think iced coffee is better than regular hot coffee."

You'd make an impressed face. "Are you going to say anything at any point in this conversation."

He'd pretend to think about it before shaking his head. "I'm good."

You'd roll your eyes before purposely bringing up a topic that would cause him to talk some because just like him, you were obsessed with seeing his smile when he was interested in a topic and hearing his voice.

"Pope, did you hear me?"

Pope blinked before shaking his head. "No. Sorry. I was spacing this time."

"I asked if you wanted to make stir fry tonight?" You laughed lightly at the space cadet you called a boyfriend.

Pope smiled and nodded. "Sounds great. I'll ask dad if we can raid the store for whatever we don't have."

You both pulled out your phones, you to get the recipe and Pope to ask his dad if it was okay to take whatever was needed for dinner.

You walked into the kitchen and started pulling out whatever you could find that was needed for the stir fry before writing down on a notepad what was left.

"We got the go ahead." Pope told you and you held up the notepad.

"Then let's go on an adventure."

You two paused the movie and made your way down the street towards Heywards hand in hand.

"Have you ever seen the Percy Jackson movies?" You asked, genuinely curious if Pope had or not. Pope shook his head and you let out a laugh. "Oh boy. We might have to take a break from good ol' HP so you can watch them."

"Why?" Pope swung your arms as looked at you.

"You might find them...interesting. That's all." You shrugged.

"Are they good?"

You smiled up at him as you leaned your head on his arm. "You'll have to see."

Normally, you wouldn't recommend watching the movies to anyone but when it came to Pope, you wanted him to see it. You wanted to see him rant about all the differences and how bad this adaptation was. You wanted to see him get all flustered at the smallest details that the movies got wrong and complain about how this doesn't do the books any justice.

"Are you setting me up?" A small smile sat on Pope's lips.

You placed a hand to your heart. "Ouch Pope. That stings."

He just laughed before kissing your temple as you approached Heywards. Pope unlocked the door and you followed him inside, picking up the rest of your ingredients before walking over to the counter and pulling a 20 out of your pocket, sliding it under one of the boxes for Mr.Heyward to find.

"Really? You know my dad loves you right? Like you don't have to pay him for this stuff. He gave us the okay." Pope said.

You shrugged. "It's fine and it's only right. I mean, I'm taking things from his store. The least I can do is pay him." You turned to the security camera and waved before pointing to the box the cash was under and doing the hand signal for money.

"You do know he cant check the system from his phone right?"

"Yeah but if he plays it back, he'll know and no one else will see the footage." You smiled before turning back to your boyfriend. "Ready?" You asked as you placed your things in a bag.

Pope grabbed your hand and the bag as he nodded. "Lets get cooking."

You laughed as you followed him back outside, waiting for him to lock the door before beginning the short journey back to his, the pair of you thinking about how lucky you were to have someone like the other.

~~~~~~

#pope obx #pope heyward #pope outer banks #pope x reader

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

Text

Lux & Dash

Lux: Hey 😊 Lux: wanna hang out today? Dash: Bummer! There's no way Dash: I promised Sapphire we'd hang Lux: Can't I come with? What are you doing? Dash: she wouldn't be down Dash: you get the picture, yeah? Lux: I don't think I know Sapphire...? Dash: she has a groovy Cleopatra vibe Lux: 🐍🐍🐍 love that Lux: you gonna be Marc or Julius? Dash: Who did she dig more? Lux: You're more of the Antony type Lux: they had their own drinking club called inimitable livers Lux: and they played pranks on people in disguise Dash: Right on! Lux: I hope your love affair doesn't end in such dire circumstances Dash: it'll be outta sight, don't sweat it Dash: she's made loads of her own promises back Lux: She's not the sister of anyone is she? Dash: Onyx but he's cool Lux: Hmm, actually, my point is moot regardless, if she's Cleopatra, it's Octavia's brother you need to worry about Lux: Cleo could 💀 her own Lux: never mind then, you should be fine 😁 Dash: you know how to lay a real trip, huh? Dash: I almost forgot Lux: forgot about Marcus Antonius?! Lux: don't wanna be doomed to repeat it, Dashiel, think on Dash: no doom in my 🔮 babe Lux: 🌈✨ good times Dash: that's more the shit to 🗨 into being Lux: I don't think you can blame the eventual fall of Rome on me being in your inbox when you'd rather I weren't 😄 Dash: No blame, I just gotta do my own thing Lux: do you think any of us can ever be unique Dash: Beats me, that's heavy 💭 Lux: I thought that's what you were getting at Lux: Bummer Lux: I'll ask around Dash: I'm not trying to get into anything with you Dash: later, maybe Lux: You aren't going to have an answer for me later Lux: Don't sweat it, Dash Dash: if you wanna go ahead & cut me some slack I'll have magic for you Dash: just not now Lux: It doesn't matter Lux: I want conversation and someone to hang with, you want neither, that's chill Dash: what you want isn't a bad scene but it's not mine Dash: I can turn you onto someone whose it is, you'll have a blast Lux: that's okay ✌ Lux: I'll make my own friends, continue to Dash: Cool Lux: godspeed 🚀 I will let you know my findings 🗳📋 Dash: you know where to find me to lay whatever you want on me Dash: 🍎🍏🌳 Lux: what do you like most about 🍎🍏🌳 there Dash: 👀 Lux: good answer Lux: the ☀ looks best through 🍃🌳🍂 Dash: & the sky looks 🍒 from that high Lux: 🍒🥧 sounds good Dash: I'm hip to that Lux: does that mean you're going to make one? Lux: I'll get the 🍨 a la mode or nothing baby Dash: you're the girl, why aren't you making it? Lux: ha, I wasn't raised one though, so that kind of nonsense does not work on me 😅 Lux: I like brown sugar and cinnamon on the top please Dash: I'll find a 🐤 who's not wise to it & pass that on Dash: but they won't be fitting an apron how you would ✨ Lux: I don't want deception pie Lux: it will taste all the bitter for it 😖😖😖 yuck yuck yuck Dash: I'll pick the 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋🍌🍉🍇🍓🍈🍒🍑 for it Dash: keep it sweet & honest Lux: make me a basket Lux: that way you get to be sweet and I don't have to participate in any misogyny for baked goods Dash: What's with the goddess demands when you know I've got demands on my time? Lux: you're so busy, right? Dash: 🚀🪐💫 Dash: I can't be weaving you a basket like it's no biggie Lux: well that is not what I meant 😏 Lux: but if you can't handle it then I'm sure I'll manage just fine Dash: weave a 🐤 a basket and she's 💖 for a day, teach her to basket weave... Lux: how very like a man to claim mastery over a skill women for centuries just did because they had to Lux: you had your chance to be 👏 over your pastry making expertise but you declined Dash: how righteous of you to keep the faith on that belief but yo, can you do it? I can Dash: declining everything I can teach you is a bad trip to be on Dash: you said you weren't down to feast on bitter fruit, that's gotta include sour 🍇 baby Lux: It's a very wholesome past life you've painted for me if I somehow acquired that skill Lux: certainly a prettier picture than the truth alas Lux: I haven't declined any invitation Lux: that's you Dash: I haven't either Dash: There's a time & a place for us to reconnect Dash: after Sapphire's Dash: & Lotus' Lux: your schedule isn't going to dictate mine Lux: we'll see when that time is Lux: 🌍🌌💫 willing Dash: come & 👀 me then Dash: it'll be unreal again Lux: you want me to watch you from the nearest 🍎🍏🌳? Dash: or 🌌 til the 7th day of the 7th month if you still vibe with that story Lux: That's an interesting way to inquire about my faith Lux: you'd make an excellent youth pastor Lux: 🤭 Dash: you've heard me play 🎸 Lux: and your cool lingo Lux: yep, it is indeed your calling Lux: we'll start your bible study as soon as the 🌍 is ready Dash: sounds like a drag Dash: how are we gonna make it fun? Lux: 🍪🍪🥛 and fellow youths, duh Dash: if you're gonna teach me it needs to be visual Dash: that's my way Lux: really? Lux: well, I'm going to need all my creativity and crafting skills to recreate Noah's Ark Dash: Moses'll be easy, I'll weave a basket for real Dash: he's the one, yeah? 👶 Lux: that's him Lux: have a whole cast of 👶 to choose from Dash: & animals Lux: I'll just try to avoid being like Sarah and 👊 all the mothers in envy Lux: not a good look Dash: I can get you a baby 🐈 if it'll keep the peace Lux: 😄 it'd be a whole other story if that's what Abraham had done Dash: he coulda taken 5 & let me 🛹⚡️ to my nan's place Lux: a man who marries his sister and needs to populate the 🌍 ain't got no time to chill, Dashiel Dash: the more you tell me, the more he fits into my family 🌳 Lux: 🤨 🧐 Lux: you're holy too? Dash: last time we got together you seemed to 💭👀🗨 so Lux: false prophets hold a certain amount of appeal, of course Dash: what was false? Lux: well, it's not for me to say you weren't speaking the word of God, I suppose Lux: but it's also a big no-no to worship false idols, it's in the big 10, so Lux: very tricky, actually Dash: Do you want me to try & make amends or what's left of the other 9? Lux: How many of do you think you've broken today? Dash: tell me what they are Lux Thou shalt have no other gods before me Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy Honour thy father and thy mother Thou shalt not murder Thou shalt not commit adultery Thou shalt not steal Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour Thou shalt not covet Lux: score out of 10 please Dash: what's a graven image? Lux: that's the idol part Dash: right on, I don't have time to like carve a statue of you & worship it but the intent is there Dash: no adultery or murder either, but the rest Lux: well Lux: consider me appalled not shocked 😳 Dash: what's your score? Lux: 3, I think Dash: you covet the fruit for a pie & Lux: Yes 😘 Lux: and I am not honouring my father or mother and I've put myself before god so Lux: I think those are the only ones, though arguably referring to myself like that is taking it in vain but I wasn't the first one to say it Dash: that's the shit you should ask around about 🗳📋 /10 Lux: maybe I'll do weekly questionnaires Lux: no one else is as mad as you were to be compared to Mark Antony but A LOT of people think we're all ❄️ Dash: beauty enough for ❄ & false idols Lux: Sculpture isn't my forte but I'll do my best Lux: you'll have to stand still long enough for me to 👀 Dash: I don't think I can Dash: we're poetry in motion, I know you felt it Lux: I'm not in the business of denying what I feel Dash: you haven't grown a totally different head since I last 👀 you Lux: now that WOULD be impressive Lux: stuck with this one only Dash: stuck makes it sound like that's a bummer Dash: looking how you do could NEVER be a drag Lux: you've not lost your charm either Dash: every compliment I've given you before, I would give you today Lux: damn timing Dash: Meet me under the 🌙? Lux: I shan't turn into a 🎃 Dash: I won't turn into a 🐀 Lux: then I don't see why not Dash: Then I'll be waiting for you Lux: Patiently? Dash: you already know that's not one of my virtues Lux: 😇 takes a lot of hard work Dash: you're the 👼 Lux: I do like hearing it Dash: I'll write you another song Lux: you keep writing songs for everyone, no wonder you've got no time Dash: school's that much of a hassle, it's that or crash 💤 Lux: what don't you like about it? Dash: I don't like anything about it Dash: nothing radical ever happens Dash: & there's way more commandments than 10 Dash: I could be spending my time here on the farm, helping things run smooth Lux: Hmm Lux: Interesting Dash: I read, I know shit Dash: I can write and do maths Dash: understand people Lux: and you feel like that's all school has to offer you? Dash: I don't see why I have to do x or y number of years more in an institution Dash: there's nothing I can get there that I can't get in the 🌍 Lux: I'll add it to my survey ideas Dash: 🤯💭 Lux: 🐝🧠 or 🎨🧠 Lux: only time will tell Dash: I'm hip to it being about getting out of just being around the same 🐈 & 🐤 Dash: meeting people with different vibes who you probably won't dig Dash: but I've got my bro for that Lux: the footballer Lux: I remember Dash: my dad & his piece too, they're drags in the same way Lux: what do you bond with your dad over? Dash: I don't Lux: is it like school and you're not bothered though Lux: or is it a shame Dash: Do I 🌠 he 👀 me? Used to Dash: not a rush I need to chase now Lux: I get it Dash: He's got the ⚽🏆 son he wants & I've got a family here Lux: it's not a good enough replacement though, is it Lux: no matter how nice people are here, or wherever I end up next and after that Lux: I'm never going to hear the people I grew up with, who loved and raised me, call me by the right name Lux: or daughter, or sister Dash: You're not gonna stay? Lux: this place was made for moving out, right? Lux: it's transient Dash: they can love you, raise you, you don't have to split Lux: I've been raised but Lux: I get what you're saying Lux: when I put roots down again Lux: it needs to be for keeps Dash: this can be for keeps Dash: it is for me Lux: we had some travellers at my daddy's church for a while Lux: 'til they got moved on Lux: places like this Lux: it's never forever Dash: What's forever? Not my parents marriage or my dad's football career Dash: if we have to go we go together, all of us Dash: new buildings maybe but the same family Lux: I'm glad that you have that Dash: you can Dash: you're welcome & wanted Dash: nobody here is related to me by blood but we're still connected Lux: I know, everyone has been very welcoming Lux: on the whole Dash: you can get comfortable, this place has been here years Lux: alright Lux: anyway, didn't Cleopatra show yet? Dash: She'll be waiting for a mirror Lux: huh? Dash: she's not cool with coming to me before checking what she looks like Dash: as if I've never 👀 her Lux: doesn't it feel Lux: Abraham and Sarah vibes Dash: what do you mean? Lux: incestuous Lux: because you say they're your family Lux: but you sleep with them Dash: she won't stay Dash: a tourist Lux: and you only sleep with the ones that won't stay Dash: they sleep with me, it's part of the tour Dash: you remember Lux: Cool speech there then Dash: I don't always get it right, like Dash: I thought that was your vibe, it's not Lux: no, you were exactly right Dash: Lux, come on Lux: it's family to you Lux: you don't care about the endless stream of fucked up girls who can cross here off their nowhere left to go list Lux: what they might be searching for Lux: never mind you actually have a home, somewhere you could be Lux: I was beyond wrong about you Dash: Don't fucking frame it like that Lux: 'cos you did a brilliant job with your narrative Lux: part of the tour, give me a fucking break Lux: you know, you aren't superior because you choose to be here, it's the opposite Lux: what kind of person lords that over people who have no choice, nowhere else they can be Lux: what the fuck Dash: that's not what I'm doing, chill out Lux: just don't Lux: you have no justification, you have no reason Lux: and clearly whatever you are doing here is going unchecked so whatever Lux: I'll be gone soon, but just know, I fucking see you Dash: I told you before we started, you set the pace, everything we did we both wanted to do Dash: nothing I do needs to be checked Lux: so you're that guy Lux: it isn't only bad if it's some serial killer down an alley and the girl is screaming and crying no Dash: You're making this way heavier than it is Lux: You don't get to tell me what I'm making it Dash: I don't get why you're twisting everything Lux: I haven't twisted anything Dash: we had fun, you said you liked me Lux: this isn't a straight issue of consent Lux: it's the fact that I know you knew I was vulnerable, I told you things, why I was here Lux: and you think it's acceptable to fuck people who are in that position, and you can't deny it because you literally did it to me, because, you know, they won't be here long Lux: and to have the nerve to advertise this place, these people, yourself, as a fucking safe space Lux: family Lux: that is insanely fucked up, I don't know how no one has ever told you that Dash: you can back off this witch hunt, yeah? Dash: you're not the same as Sapphire or Amber or Lotus or whoever Dash: they don't tell me things, it's not the fucking same Lux: Well I'm definitely sorry I did Dash: that's all been shallow, this got deep, you know Lux: I don't think I know anything about you Lux: not really Dash: You're just flipping out, I flipped you out Dash: but I didn't mean to & you don't mean that Lux: I just need to not be here right now Dash: Lux Lux: It's fine Lux: I mean, it's not Lux: but I'm leaving the main house to go for a walk, so just don't let me see you, okay Dash: You're not gonna tell anyone, are you? Lux: excuse me? Dash: all that shit you said about how it's not a safe space Lux: who the hell do I have to tell? Lux: and that's the worst part Dash: There's loads of people you could, but it's not true Lux: for a second there, you almost sounded like you gave a shit Lux: places like this will always exist, I'm not under any illusion I can stamp them all out Dash: I do! Dash: maybe I fucked up but that's not the farm's fault Lux: I'm not going to the cops, I have nothing to tell Dash: my head didn't go there, there's loads of good people here, doing beautiful things Dash: if I'm not one of them, that'll be my karma Dash: you don't have to leave Lux: I'm not Lux: that's your karma Lux: someone needs to stick around so there's some sense of consequence for your actions Dash: you don't have to go full avenging 👼 on me Dash: I won't be going heavy on you Lux: It's not a joke, Dash Dash: I'm not 🤡ing Dash: nothing uncool needs to happen between us, I'll give you space or whatever Lux: You're afraid Lux: aren't you Lux: that if I tell what you're like, girls like Cleopatra won't go near you anymore Lux: Jesus Christ Dash: I don't need to be afraid of that, I told you, we're all having fun Dash: there's no big soap opera vibe Lux: Fuck off now Dash: Ask Amber, she was mad at me before you but not like that, you've got this wrong Lux: I haven't got anything wrong Lux: this is what you did, to me, that's the end of Lux: you can tell yourself what you like about the rest, that's no concern of mine Dash: Nah, we talked about it, how I've done shit before that's 💔 & you said you didn't care Dash: that I couldn't hurt you Dash: & that you could tell I wasn't a bad person Dash: Why are you just taking it all back like none of that fucking happened? Lux: Why did you prove me wrong in such spectacular fashion? Lux: there's a reason you prefer keeping things shallow, and this is it Lux: if the answer isn't a yes or it's cool, you don't want to know, you don't want to be checked Dash: The reason I keep things shallow is they're on a fly by, they don't want to stay & I don't wanna be connected to someone else that'll split on me Lux: you aren't the gatekeeper of this place Lux: and nothing's forever, by your own admission Dash: I am of myself & I do my own fucking checks, yeah? Maybe you don't have a heart left to break by your own admission but I'm protecting the one you don't believe I've got, like Lux: There's no world in which I'm feeling sorry for you right now, okay Lux: you do not vet every girl you fuck for her tragic backstory, cut the crap Dash: Gimme a break, I said talking isn't usually part of it, going both ways, wouldn't be very chill or shallow if it was Lux: Yeah, like I said, you don't care Lux: and that's your lookout Lux: but to give it that faux hippie bullshit about family and welcoming, when you mean only for yourself, fucking sucks Lux: don't bother pretending, just be honest Dash: it happened different with you, that's the honest truth Dash: search me why Lux: right Lux: I wasn't born yesterday Dash: I do care Lux: you should be a better friend Lux: to these people, the ones you care about Dash: yeah Lux: that's all I have to say Dash: I'll cool it too then Lux: I don't think you're evil Lux: but I don't think you're a good person now Dash: I can't change your mind? Lux: Of course you can Dash: by doing what? Lux: by being a good person or a bad Dash: Beats me how that's getting judged when everyone else already thinks I'm being a good person except you & my bro Lux: don't confuse people not caring either way for approval of your actions Dash: you want me to care more for people who don't, nothing confusing about that Lux: I said being good wasn't easy Dash: & responsibility isn't my bag, he takes all that on Lux: there we go then Lux: I'm not expecting anything Dash: like I said, I'm not giving you anything but space Lux: Whatever Lux: Goodbye Dash: I'm sorry we read each other wrong Dash: it hasn't happened before Lux: It's happened plenty before Lux: they leave Lux: your behaviour and attitude is bullshit and I won't be apologising to you Dash: chill, you've made your point Lux: it's not about making it, it's about you understanding Lux: but why the fuck should I care, actually Lux: you're right, way too confusing, way too hard, no point Dash: get out of here then Dash: I don't understand & you don't care Lux: I'm not leaving, remember Lux: and that's the fucking point, you'll have to get used to feeling uncomfortable with it Dash: you can split conversationally, was more the vibe Lux: no, Dash Lux: you don't control the conversation, the narrative, any of it, that's the 'vibe' Lux: if you're feeling some type of way, you should go, take some responsibility for yourself Dash: You're responsible for hassling me now Lux: Then leave Lux: you control you, I control me Lux: I'm not doing what you don't want to do for some notion of being the fucking 'chill' cool one here Dash: I don't understand this, that's why I don't want to Lux: I don't think you want to Lux: it's fun and it's easy to do fucked up things Lux: and if everyone else is doing them, or not calling you out for it, why not Dash: I didn't do a fucked up thing to you Lux: I've said you did Dash: but that's not the way it was Dash: I opened up to you to, I still am Lux: You tell me about the tour and then you tell me I'm different though Lux: How do you expect me to take you at your word when what you've described there is exactly what went down Dash: I showed you around & I've showed some of them around, that doesn't mean everything else that happened was the same Lux: you said it like you thought I'd think it was funny Dash: I don't know why I did that Lux: Be honest Lux: was it just to see how cool I was and how I could hang Lux: or was it because you forgot, and thought I was one of the boys Dash: that couldn't be further from how I see you Lux: okay Lux: that's something then Dash: I meant what I said when I told you you're like a song I can't get out of my head, how I wanted to live in all those moments cos of what they felt like Dash: it's only got worse since then Dash: I didn't wanna hurt you, I don't Lux: you didn't hurt me by what you did Lux: at least, not at the time Lux: it's what you said Lux: to have to put bad intentions to those moments, you must get how shitty that is, you at least feel that too Dash: I was trying to show you this is different Lux: my head hurts Dash: Yeah 🌪 Lux: make sure you have some water Dash: that's your magic 🔮✨💖 Lux: I don't think I have any right now Dash: You haven't lost it Lux: I just need to replenish Dash: Me too Lux: I'll wish you good luck on that then Dash: Later? Lux: Yeah Dash: 🚀🪐💫

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asksep · 2 years ago

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Inspired by some posts in the tag. Was there ever a moment where it actually hit how fucked up some of the shit that's happened to u was

There's been quite a few, it's definitely more of a process than just one "oh fuck" moment. This is probs gonna get long so I'll just give you some of the biggies so far (I'm fully expecting them to keep happening rip)

1. The first anniversary of Jennas coronation. Milo thought a fun thing to add to the celebration would be some fireworks he'd found travelling somewhere. at the time none of us had seen them before so from his description we just thought they were cool lights in the sky. When it turned out they sounded exactly like gunshots it got less cool very quickly. Jen and Marcia had a bit of a scare and jumped but could work through it to watch them. I ended up panicking so much that I accidentally Transported myself back to the wizard tower and barricaded myself into my room because as far as I was concerned I was being shot at. Finally calmed down (mostly) the next day and had a very definite realisation that being shot at shouldn't be a normal part of anyones life let alone a child's. Ended up staying with Marwick for a couple of days because everyone else was very understanding but they didn't really get that it wasn't just bad memories of one event but constant repeated exposure to it. Spent a good while after that in fight or flight mode which I think was made worse by the previous year being pretty calm and uneventful so it was a Big step backwards.

2. William being born. Not much to say about this one. He was born, I realised how small children are and then realised that if anybody tried putting him through what I went through I think I'd kill them. Big step towards accepting that everything was fucked up rather than me just being bad at dealing with it

3. Rose's first time dealing with someone dying in the Sick Bay. There was an elderly wizard that passed in the sick bay a few years ago. It was about as good as dying can get - it was peaceful, painless, and her family were there with her as it wasn't unexpected. Rose had to help deal with the body afterwards and she later came to me half upset, half freaking the fuck out. I could understand why she was upset but didn't get why she was so freaked out by seeing a body (particularly one with no injuries or anything). I straight up said to her "I don't understand, surely it's not your first time seeing a dead person?" and I was very promptly informed that it was in fact her first time and that most 16 year olds have never seen a body. We then ended up freaking out for each other, me because oh my god she'd never seen a body before is she okay and her because oh my god how many bodies has he seen is he okay. I think we understood each other a lot more after that which maybe wasn't a good thing lmao

4. Turning 18. Way back in the young army me and marwick made a deal that if we both made it to 18 alive we'd take the day off (which you were allowed to do in the actual Army) and buy a big cake and eat it all to ourselves. Actually turning 18 really got to me because a) I made it to 18 when I never really expected to, b) we were children fully expecting to die so young and we thought that was normal, and c) its so sad that the most radical, exciting, out there dream we could think of at 8ish years old was a day off and eating some cake. We both realised how fucked up that was, young army wise as well as everything that happened after to stop us thinking we'd live that long. We kept the deal though - i bought a 3 tier wedding cake which was too big to move easily so we just sat in the alley next to the shop to eat it. Sobbing into that piece of cake was a big moment of letting go. Of all the stuff I've talked about here, this was the only one that was truly cathartic.

#theres so much else to go along with this but these are the big ones #had a nightmare dealing with finishing my apprenticeship #first time in my life i didnt have my next step planned out for me #beyond becoming EOW at some point #and i really couldnt cope with that well #fucked up that beyond the holidays marcia made me take I'd never had any time Not working #also i once got invited to a costume party where you had to go dressed as what you wanted to be when you grew up #that messed me up because i never even thought about it before becoming marcias apprentice #people had dreams? weird #and even with all this its mostly just me realising that the YA was fucked up #feel like i havent even started processing the simon stuff and the marcellus kidnapping stuff and the queste and the syren and rimg wizards #spent so long after the two faced ring was destroyed just relieved that it was all finished #before stuff like this started happening and i actually had to deal with it for the first time #and im not in survival mode anymore so i cant just power through #definitely gets worse before it gets better #but im learning to cope #im not having panic attacks and flashbacks at seemingly random things and nightmares every day now which is something i guess #thanks for the ask btw it was therapeutic to get it all out #sorry its so long

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hannahsmusings · 3 years ago

Text

*I get us checked in, getting the set of keys for us both, looking up at Jen and smiling as she was popping a mint into her mouth, unable to think about how her lips would taste minty now… I quickly look away from her lips and her mouth as I feel my pulse quicken at the thought of kissing her, knowing that was a dangerous game and I didn’t need to ruin the best friendship I’ve ever had with my inappropriate thoughts about her* It’s gonna be a really good week. I’m so excited to swim and tan. *I thank the host behind the desk before turning and walking to the elevator, letting her get on first before getting on next to her* *we walk to the room and I open the door, following in behind her as I take it all in, my eyes widening* Holy shit… this is nice. *I walk over to the balcony to get a better view of the ocean, in awe at how pretty everything was* We have a hammock out here! *I giggle to myself, sighing happily before turning and stepping back into the room, just then noticing there was only one bed, my eyes widening a bit* There’s… there’s just one bed. I definitely put two beds on the reservation. *I look up at Jen, this weird fear washing over me, feeling like she could read my thoughts somehow and think that I did this on purpose being the creepy lesbian that I am* I can call down and get it fixed right away.

_______________________________________

*cheeks flush as you mention tanning, realising in that moment we'd be in bikini's in front of each other and I'd see more of your toned body, the idea making my stomach clench a little but shaking out of it* Me too, I desperately need some sun. *grins, bouncing on my toes in the elevator before gasping as we get in the room, looking around in awe* Jesus. *Mumbles, in shock as I turn to you with a grin* It's insane? I wanna live here forever. *grins, following you to the balcony and humming in delight as I admire the view before turning at your words, furrowing a brow in confusion as you mention the bed before shrugging it off* It's no biggie, I don't mind sharing a bed? As long as you don't snore like you used to. *pokes you playfully before going over to the bed and flopping on to it dramatically, letting out a happy sigh* *doesn't even think about the implications of sharing a bed, we'd done it before and we weren't going to be here long so I didn't mind*

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punkwixes · 7 years ago

Note

the kitchen scene in 'the way i thought we'd end up'!

[fic meme! send me a scene from one of my fics and i’ll do a dvd commentary thing on it!!]

+ the way i thought that we’d end up

OH BOY congrats jess you found what is legitimately the hardest scene i’ve ever written. Bear With Me Here, tumblr won’t preserve the original formatting and this is the longest scene in the entire fic. i think my second biggest worry, besides Doing It Bad, was the thought that this scene + the rest of the sixth part make up half the fic.

warnings: as per the warnings on ao3, the scene under the cut contains an in-depth conversation about suicide, and an additional mention of self-harm.

Anyways: Food. Magnus tiptoes into the kitchen, careful not to wake the sleeping Merle. It’s pitch black at this hour, and he gropes for the overhead cupboards, rummaging through them by touch alone. Maybe there’s leftovers in the fridge.

“Disappointed?” The shrill voice comes from his right, a scant few feet away, and Magnus panics, shrieks, and hits the light switch at 60% strength.

[i don’t know why, but i recall rewording that specific sentence at least three or four times. i think i was unsure what percent magnus should hit the light switch at?]

Leaning up against the counter, a mug emblazoned with “STEAL EVERYTHING YOUR GAY LITTLE HANDS CAN CARRY” in one hand, the other hand shielding his face from the sudden blinding light, is Taako.

[the second hardest part of this fic was What Should The Mug Say. i couldn’t think of something witty enough?]

“Fuck, shit, turn down the floodlights, my man! Some of us are real fuckin’ overstimulated here!” Taako’s ears are pinned back against his head, and Magnus quickly sets the dimmer switch to an acceptable level.

“Sorry, is this good?”

“I mean, yeah, it’s just that you ruined my dramatic entrance and all. No biggie! I only planned it for twelve fucking hours while you slept.”

“Oh,” is all Magnus can say.

“Is that all you have to say? You nearly die and you just waltz into the kitchen like, hey, what’s up, oh, I guess I almost kicked it while you were unconscious, no big deal!” Taako’s gesturing so wildly that by the end of the sentence, liquid sloshes out of his mug. He glares at the spill as if it’s personally offended him before reaching behind him for a dish towel, not turning his back to Magnus.

[taako’s doing a lot of Interesting Stuff in the background of this fic; one of these is his arc from pretending to not care about other people to… whatever this is?]

“You’re, ah. Probably going to wake Merle.” This is an unexpected level of anger for Taako, and while Magnus has dealt with a lot of outbursts over the past year, he doesn’t know how to deal with that particular emotion.

“Nah, Grandpa Piss over here is sleeping like the dead, or – Well. He blew all his spell slots to make sure that you weren’t, you know, before the Bureau got to us, so. There’s that.”

“Guess I’ll have to thank him in the morning, then.”

“Will you,” Taako says flatly.

Magnus sighs. “What’s all this about, Taako?I don’t understand.” There’s only so many cryptic insults a guy can take before he gets tired.

[i was struggling a lot here; i remember giving up right about here and resigning myself to never finishing this. i wasn’t sure how to get from this scene -> Talking About Wanting To Die. i think i tried like four or five transitions and they all just… didn’t work.]

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that this afternoon I woke up facedown in the dirt and you were gone, homie! Like, as in, Merle was about to start performing death rites instead of healing spells, that kind of gone! As in, I would’ve been burnt to a crisp if not for sheer coincidence, because you’re out here dying like it’s your job!” Taako’s voice has been rising with every word, and he accentuates the last point by slamming the drawer he’s been rummaging through firmly shut, producing a wooden spoon.

“I mean, that kind of is my job. What’re you doing?”

“Making us some hot chocolate, my man,” Taako says, grabbing a saucepan from one of the lower cabinets. “Don’t change the subject, the hell do you mean, that’s your job?”

[…the actual justification for this is that i forgot about the Cooking Thing till this scene was like half-conceptualized and by then i decided that i wanted to work on the concept in a different fic. that fic became what’s now mags n cheese, and it was originally dialogue practice for this one. you can actually see me becoming more confident in writing character voices as i Go Though This.

anyways here’s the in-character justification:]

For all his bluster, there’s something almost vulnerable about Taako right now, which is… odd, because Magnus is the one getting yelled at.

“I don’t know, just. That’s my job, protecting you guys. That’s what I do.”

“So, what? I’m supposed to be okay with you just up and dying, then?” Taako makes a noise of disgust, closing the fridge door with more force than necessary.

“I mean, I am.”

“Fuck that.”

“No, really, I am. Like, I’ve made my peace with it, and stuff, which – I don’t know.” Magnus holds his hands out a little helplessly. This is probably a lot more distressing for Taako than it is for him, honestly. He’s not one to pry, but he would guess that saying that the dude’s lost a lot of people before is an understatement, no matter how much he tries to play this off as pure self-interest.

[BIG narrative thread in this fic is magnus putting others’ feelings over his own (see: him not wanting to wake merle up despite Literally Dying). magnus “i kinda feel like i want to die, i’m so sorry, can i get you some water?” burnsides.]

“You’re thirty,” Taako says.

Suddenly exhausted, Magnus sinks down onto one of the kitchen stools. “Yeah.”

[going through the bookmarks on this fic & someone cited this as a Really Painful Line. same, buddy. i’m not sure that taako even understands how old 30 is to humans here.]

“That’s insane, my guy! You have your whole life in front of you, and you’re willing to just – like, that’s a job description you’re fine with? Killing yourself for other people? Like, at any minute, you could take the blow and, poof, no more Magnus!”

“I just. I think that dying is the best thing I can do, that’s all.” Magnus pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s so tired.

[no commentary necessary, but:]

There’s sudden silence from the other end of the room, enough that he looks up to see Taako frozen at the counter, spoon in hand, giving Magnus that same guarded look again, the one he’s never been able to decipher.

[i’ve talked about this in previous fic memes, but a big Thing in this fic is magnus trying to figure out taako while taako is Actively Irritated at the idea of people knowing what’s going on in his head; this is taako letting his guard down and magnus STILL having no idea what’s up.

but really this is just taako in the background like Oh Mood every time magnus does something dumb, so.]

“Got a plan?” he asks casually, so casually that it takes Magnus a moment to realize what he means.

[this is one of the lines i had in mind when i started writing this fic. it’s the first moment that magnus actually realizes how Bad this all looks.]

He reels back a little, catching himself on the table. “No! Of course not. I mean, it’s not like that, I’m not like – like…” He trails off before he can finish the sentence, but the unspoken like you is left hanging in the air.

[ultimately, i think i’m happy with where this wound up. i think i could’ve gone more into this; there were a few lines specifically referencing self-harm wrt taako & magnus that got cut, but the Deal here is that taako is Visibly Neurodivergent and is basically the only measure that magnus has for these kinds of things. he thinks that being suicidal only looks One Sort Of Way, and he’s not like that, so he’s fine!

worth noting i guess that magnus doesn’t think of this as a bad thing, just as, like, that’s not him.]

“Okay,” Taako says, blissfully ignoring Magnus’s fuck-up. “Do me a favor and walk me through this, right? ‘Cause, like, what I’m seeing right now is you trying to give me the only possessions you care about and then marching into battle with what seems to be a pretty decent death wish, if I do say so myself. Anything else in there that I missed?”

“It’s not like that,” he insists. “I would never, I. I don’t want to die.”

“But?”

“There’s no buts.” Maybe if he says it with enough finality, Taako will leave him alone.

“You don’t want to die, but you want to be dead, right?” Magnus’s head snaps up, but Taako has his back to him, stirring something on the stovetop. How did he– “And, like, if you were able to cease existing, if there were a Magnus-button that you could press to just stop, you’d do it, right?” he continues. “Like, probably without even thinking about it.”

[this was the only other line i had in mind when i was outlining this fic.]

“I mean, yeah, but that’s different? Like, I wouldn’t. I can’t.”

[GOD i pushed through the writer’s block wrt the above section and IMMEDIATELY got stuck here. i couldn’t figure out how to go from here to Everything Else but just kind of… blunt forced my way through it. i SUPER wanted to publish this fic before the next taz came out, i think.]

“Why not?” Taako needles.

“You said it yourself,” Magnus says, slightly irritated. “I’ve got people now, I can’t just leave because I want to, that would put your lives in danger. It’s – people leaving, that sucks.” He draws in a breath, eyes suddenly stinging. Doesn’t think about it. Doesn’t get pulled under again. “Just. I’m tired. That’s all.”

[i’ve had a lot of comments about magnus’s rationalization here? i feel like i should say that i’m not, like, sure about it. more than anything, i think that magnus’s rationalization is a general why not?, but it’s the answer to a question that he doesn’t know he’s even asking, if that makes sense. this is the first time he’s being asked to confront that.]

There’s the solid thunk of something being placed in front of him, and he looks up to see that Taako has levitated a mug of hot chocolate onto the table.

“Thought you said that you weren’t like me.” Despite everything, there’s a tinge of amusement in his voice.

[this is a fic about parallels in a lot of ways.]

Magnus winces, curling his fingers around his mug. “Sorry.”

“No biggie, I’ve heard worse.” Taako slides into the opposite seat, tilting his chair back to prop one foot up on the table. “Also, absolutely stop looking at me like that, my guy. This is my kitchen and past 3 am, it’s a liminal, judgement-free zone, which means that you get to say whatever fucked-up shit is on your mind, and I get to use my furniture in whatever ways I please.”

[GOD before this i was having a lot of trouble writing taako, but this was… a lot of fun. also kinda underrated, i think, probably because it gets lost in a massive run-on sentence.]

Magnus hums a little, turns the mug over in his hands. It’s clay, lumpy but glazed, with “#1 DAD” written on one side in thick, black strokes.

“Ango,” Taako says. “He goes to pottery lessons at the Chug ‘N Squeeze every Wednesday, keeps giving me these. Y’think he’s trying to drop a hint?”

[Been There, Done That. taako’s willing to drop the subject or just talk about something else until magnus is ready. if you’ve read any of my other fics, this is him taking a page out of magnus’s book with a lot less grace.]

“Um,” Magnus says, cutting him off mid-ramble, but, for once, Taako shuts up immediately. His gaze is unfocused, firmly fixed on the wood grain of the table, but he can tell that he’s being intently watched. “Do you ever – that is –” He can’t get the words out again.

“Take your time, my man.”

“I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea about what went down yesterday! It wasn’t some sort of.” He swallows hard. “Of suicide mission or anything, I didn’t – I don’t go in there thinking, hey, I’m gonna make sure I die in here or anything, it’s just. If anything were to happen…”

[worth noting that this is the first time magnus has talked about suicide explicitly using the word.]

“You’d be fine with it?”

“Exactly! And, the fucked-up thing is, sometimes I wish it would! I can never bring myself to do anything, but I, sometimes it’s like, dying is the only thing I have going for me? Like, sometimes the only good thought I have is that it’s going to happen someday, that I’m going to be with –” He swallows hard. “Um. Yeah. That’s basically it.”

[i don’t know. i think i’d have liked to talk more about julia, given that she was the focus of the first chapter and a big factor in All Of This, but at the same time, i didn’t want this to be a fic about Magnus Is Sad About His Dead Wife. this is one of the reasons i was reluctant and SUPER nervous to publish this fic?

this isn’t a fic about Magnus’s Wife Died And He’s Sad About It; i don’t think i’d want to write that story. this is a fic about a whole lot of trauma and neurodivergency that lines up and snowballs into some bad shit.]

Magnus stares down into his cup, holding his breath. It’s late, and he’s exhausted, but he feels – different, for having said that. It’s like telling Merle how to take care of Steven: Lighter. Like a weight’s been taken off of his shoulders.

Taako exhales loudly, whistling through his teeth. “Shit.”

“Yeah, you pretty much said it.”

“Look, I’m not an expert in like, brain stuff, or anything, but. You know that’s not like… a thing that everybody has to deal with, right? And that there are probably people you could like, I don’t know. Talk to about this, if you’re into that.”

“Yeah.”

“People who aren’t me, for starters.”

“Yeah.”

[that was the other thing with this fic that i struggled with; i didn’t wanna be like Talking To Other People About Your Problems Cures Your Depression, and i ESPECIALLY didn’t wanna go for the trope of one character being the other’s therapist.]

“‘S nothing personal, just, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m kind of shitty –”

“That’s not true!” Magnus protests.

“Shitty at this, hombre. Emotions. Those things. Like, I don’t have my own trauma sorted out, I don’t exactly think that I can give you good advice, but if you want help, I’m out here. You know.” His words become more and more wooden as he speaks, and Magnus gets the idea that this is quite possibly the most honest Taako’s ever been.

That makes two of them.

“This is awful supportive of you,” Magnus says, teasing. Taako perks up almost instantly.

“Yeah, well. There’s only room for one depressed asshole on the moon, and that spot’s taken, buddy.“

[uhhhhhhh AND SCENE! the scene after this was fairly painless compared to this; overall the kitchen scene was the hardest thing i’ve ever written just in terms of… idk, wanting to do the subject matter Right.]

#deviantdragons #ask memes for ts #this got LONG there's a lot of commentary towards the end!!!! thank you!!!!

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