#(u.u the picture of confusion is me.)

[magnusmodig]

what is the nature of this ' b o o p '

[guiraguira]

Hello! I saw that you posted how guys would react to a naughty video of his gf, can I ask Gentaro x fem reader, who pranks Gen by sending her a picture saying she's horny but really she's just bored being alone?

It's okay if you don't want to write it, but there are so few Gentaro stories u.u

Was a lie ✨

Hi! That possibility had not occurred to me, but of course! Plus it sounds like a lot of fun!

Warnings: A bit of a hint about sex, but nothing overt. spicy photos

Gentaro x reader

It was already your second day off that you didn't spend with him because his schedules don't match, you knew he was in a meeting with his editor and hopefully, maybe he'll be back by nightfall, they could still share some time together, but it wasn't the same.

You're about to send him a message just to wish him luck in the interview when it occurs to you that you could play a little prank on him. Followed by your good luck wishes, you ask if it really is a long time before he arrives.

"I know, sorry honey... the meeting hasn't started yet" after taking some time he writes another message "I'll make up for it, I promise it won't happen again" you feel a little guilty for what you're going to do after reading that last one.

Lying on the bed, you undress keeping your underwear, placing a hand on your crotch and squeezing it with your thighs, looking for the best angle before taking a photo and sending it "Gentaro, I don't think I can take much more" just a few minutes pass before he sees it.

Your message remains seen for a long time, you can see how he tries to write something but he deletes it repeatedly before finally replying to you. "It must be a joke, but thanks for the photo I'll save it well" oh, well it may be very obvious but don't let that win you over.

"Do I have to send you a video too?" This time he didn't answer, you thought he definitely hadn't fallen so you changed back, and you just went to bed to use your cell phone until you got bored. You were so bored being alone, you had nothing to do, not even your friends were available today.

You thought about cooking something to entertain yourself for a while, so you started looking for the ingredients to make a dessert. Taking a last look at Gentaro's chat in case he had responded, but he hadn't.

While you cook you keep thinking about how sad it is that their schedules don't match. Your mind wanders into future plans about his upcoming dates, picking a place to go immediately after he gets back. This time there would be no way for him to fail.

You were about to finish when you heard the front door open and the noise of footsteps at full speed in your direction. Without time to react, you remain paralyzed in place as you see Gentaro running with all his things in his hands, without seeing you with the sole objective of reaching the room.

"I'm here honey!" For a brief moment there is silence again and his footsteps become softer "s/o!" He opens the bathroom door, but since you're not there either he walks more slowly looking for you until he reaches the kitchen "s/o?" His face can barely express the confusion he feels.

"Gentaro? You didn't have a meeting?..." they exchange glances waiting for someone to explain "you sent me that photo and I thought... I was too late?" You blink without understanding what it means, until something clicks in your brain. "Oh, I was lying!" You laugh because you didn't think your joke had worked, it wasn't in your plans for him to leave the meeting in order to come and please you.

"Lying?" He says that word like he doesn't know it, he can't believe he fell for a joke. He feels so silly, but he was so excited to play with you. A mischievous smile begins to grow on his face as he slowly approaches you. "You won't get out of this so easy my pretty little heart and I'm not lying"

Trapping you in his arms, he tickles you with his fingers until you cry a couple of times. He interrupts your laughter by giving you a totally anticlimactic hungry kiss. He loves the sound of your laughter and will do everything he can to protect it, but he loves your moans even more, plus he has to make you pay for your little prank.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Y'all are so easily fooled by grey hair and hair loss I am starting to think I could pass for my real age if I just dyed some of my hair grey

*shows me a picture of 3 men, the middle one is the most baby-faced of all of them but isn't an actor on cis affirming hormones, plugs and dye, so has some hair loss and has gone grey*: See look at him he looks so much older U.U...

He literally doesn't, you are just looking through 10 filters of bias.

Reminds me of the time I bleached my sideburns and suddenly everyone thought I was potentially the 'mother' of every screaming child near me in public, instead of confusing me with a teenager.

[sweettsubaki]

Today was the first day of the French Con "Japan Party". I had never been before but tbh it reminded me of Japan Expo back when it was still good.

Here's my haul for today part 2 (I'll try to link to their social medias when I can, their cards are in the pictures if there was one). In the order of them coming out of my bag u.u

Day one: Part 1 / Part 2

Day two: Part 1 / part 2

Elonan Comics and Yamraj comics take old heroes that fell into the public domain (as well as characters that were very much proto super heroes) and try to follow up on these. They try to portray diversity notably through working with people who come from the countries of those heroes (Brazil, Australia, Switzerland) and try to diversify their content (including handicaps).

There are ebooks available in English if you want to try them, I haven't read them yet but I really enjoyed talking with the writers and artists present!

Here are their socials: elonan comics.blogspot.com and

This is a Shonen type of comic book called The Last Kamit but while "Comics" are a window on American culture, Mangas and webtoon are windows on east Asian cultures (specifically Japan and Korean ones), their goal is to develop understanding of various African cultures with "the spirit of a Manga but the comic book format". In this story we follow a Kamit who will have to go on adventures throughout the whole continent for his classic Shonen comic of age journey.

The art is beautiful, I'm not far into it yet, they haven't mastered the mise en scène yet but it's still good and works fairly well (despite some confusion here and there).

Very good for a first book and I'm curious on how they'll go about it. So far we've had at least Egyptian references so my former Egyptology student self is just happy to see it XD.

Here's their website : thelastkamit.com

They upcycled and decorated this teapot. There were several, all with differ styles. I love it and can't wait to use it.

Their instagram: @la_ptite_chaumiere_de_joe

So, this was a traditional stand, with half of its stock handmade. There were very pretty hand painted candles but they're small and I was too scared I'd lose them ^^'

Their website: style-du-Japon.fr

Last but not least:

Coven Tales is an association of Writers and artists whose art ranges from webtoon to Manga to creatures design. I also got my ticket thanks to their giveaway so shout out to them u.u. I decided not to buy much today because I know I'm gonna buy more after and long term anyway (I've already got Mémoires d'un Orgue plus it's Spanish translation : Memorias de un Órgano which I still highly recommend if you can get it at lartdelafugue.org or herissondecheminee.com).

I did buy their art book because I saw it at a friend's and it's a great intro to all the artists. The picture I bought is from Oyanxa.

So, here's coven tail's website : https://www.coven-tales.com/

They have a member's page but just in case here are their instagram:

@coventales

@oyanxa.stories

@eliane.torralba

@herisson_de_cheminee

@nabi_art

@alialudier

@nephelide

@missqueak

@lilythium_art and her 2nd instagram: @kalevaar_chronicle

[nicamon606]

I’m sorry,I’m not buying this Twisted Shit.

I didn’t wanna watch the play“Twisted”because Aladdin is both 1 of my favorite Disney movies and 1 of my favorite Disney Princes,but I’ve stumbled upon the whole thing on Youtube and so I took it as a sign of Fate that I had to watch it and...well...I wish I didn’t.😓

Yyyyeeeaaaahhh,no,I'm sorry.I'm not buying it.This sounds just like if this was the made-up story Jafar tried to sell in order to make Aladdin and other people the Bad Guys.(Even if I must admit the Sultan doesn't look like the best of rulers...;-P but that's the point! If you combine an incompetent ruler with a sly and malicious advisor you get...well...the original cartoon!:-P)

0:17:15 - 0:17:38 OK,this is fair,I admit it.😅

0:30:35 - 0:30:45 OK,but if a bunch of people stole from Omar,he couldn't give a job to every single one of them so,sooner or later,there will still be somone hungry with no job who needs to steal food for living.Even if you help 1 boy,that doesn't solve the long term problem.u___u

(A few minutes later)You see what I was saying at the beginning?You just replaced Jafar with another evil greedy guy in a position of power...what's the difference compared to telling a story in which Jafar is the greedy man in a position of power?This is exactly what has been done with the"Cruella"live action...they made Cruella the Hero and they put another mean lady in her place to be the Villain. 0:43:09 - 0:43:15 YOU-SEE-WHAT-I-MEAN?!?!?! This IS Cartoon Jafar!!!What is the point in making a story about a Good Jafar and putting Evil Jafar in that same story and just calling him with another name?!?!X________X

0:49:41 - 0:49:43 Wait...weren't you singing at the beginning of this story that wishing is for fools?🤨😒 0:50:44 - 0:51:00 Oh,alright.u.u 0:51:25 - 0:51:34 Oh.Nevermind.😓 0:51:35 - 0:51:54 HOLY ALLAH,JUST MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY,DUDE!!!X________X

1:02:06 - 1:02:17 Oh,so you're not...bothered at all at the whole I-had-to-slit-a-few-throats thing here,Jafar?😓What about your Golden Rule,JAFAR?!?!>O># 1:02:08 - 1:02:21 Oh,OK,my bad.Sorry.I take it back.😅

1:08:28 - 1:08:37 "RULE #3! I can't bring people back from the death.It's not a pretty picture AND I DON'T LIKE DOING IT!"

1:10:33 - 1:10:38 Well,he's got a point!

1:11:07 - 1:11:09 PIZZA?😂🍕

1:18:23 - 1:18:29 😄

1:19:58 - 1:20:07 You English speakers always fuck every possible pronunciation up!🤦‍♂️

1:20:56 - 1:21:18 I read the comments before watching the play. One said... Jasmine: "I think we could fix everything if we just made everyone a princess." Jafar: "She's a little confused, but she's got the spirit."...now I'm disappointed this line is nowhere to be found in the actual play.😟

1:39:55 - 1:40:08 (Nods-nods)😑

1:14:13 - 1:14:18 Yeaahh...just wait,dear.You're next.

1:44:17 This whole scene is filmed in such an odd way!😵It looks like Ahmed is behind Jasmine and she never looks at him in the face while talking to him.

1:50:41 - 1:50:42 No.It's:"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father.Prepare to die."u.U

1:51:40 - 1:51:53 I KNEW you weren't Aladdin!!!You're Jay from"Dogma"!!!👉

1:54:48 - 1:54:53 Wow.You just managed to make Original Jafar even MORE disgusting!X-PPP

1:57:01 - 1:57:03 Jesus Christ?You just said"Jesus Christ"?!Aren't you supposed to be muslim?🤨

1:58:17 - 1:58:27 This-is-the most-STUPID-wish-ever!Now you will be forced to do whatever whoever gets the Lamp tells you to!And...you know...if you give the Lamp to an asshole...you then will have to do whatever that asshole tells you to do!HOW is this gonna make the world a better place,YOU MORON?!?!

1:59:16 - 1:59:17 No...the real question is...why the fuck did Aladdin run away instead of taking your Lamp and becoming your master?!?ò_____O

2:05:26 - 2:05:31 PIXAR...I only got it now...!!!😂And looking back... 0:18:18 - 0:18:38 I should have realized it.🤦‍♂️I mean...I got the"Wall-E"reference and I suspected the"Nemo"one,but I didn't realize he referenced"Toy Story"and the"Incredibles"too and I just didn't connect all the dots.Silly me.

Anyway...the play is good and it's crystal clear everyone put a big effort to it,but I still think the plot as a whole is bullshit;I'm sorry,but I'll stuck with the original version!ù___U #TeamAladdin

[ao3komorii]

i just finished reading chapter 3 of the fairy promise and aaaaaa i can't wait to read more 😍 i wasn't sure what to expect but your style never disappoints! the narrative is concise, coherent, and flows very nicely. i really like how you describe things just well enough to picture them clearly and don't use overly flowery language that bogs down immersion. the world you built feels every bit as magical and swashbuckling as a classic fairytale (i'm getting "east of the sun west of the moon" vibes, one of my favs growing up :P) and relatably realistic, true to a second person POV of a modern day 20-something.

trigger is adorable af, i love him so much already! i love bees, i've always been tempted to gently finger-pet a working bumblebee bc of how goddamn cute they are XD he deserves all the headpats u.u

also when pine was introduced i was like "link from legend of zelda????" LOL he's definitely boyfriend material ;)

i typically read your works on ao3 but feel free to @ me in future updates if you post them on tumblr 🌻

Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it! I really do try to make my works easy to read/understand, since I have definitely tried to read some frustrating stories before that use such flowery language that the story becomes hard to read and confusing.

I'm not much of a Zelda person myself, but the Link headcanon is not too far from what I imagine Pine looking as, just slightly less blonde haha. My personal references for TFP were Thumbelina and Epic, so this story is an inspiration mashup from both and then some of my own stuff thrown in!

Generally I will be posting all my original stuff on AO3 and not here, just because people on tumblr have largely been into the FE/League stuff, and also I feel like I wouldn't want to post unfinished chaptered stories on here unless they're finished. Maybe down the road when TFP is done I'll take a poll to see if people would even be interested in it being posted here. But the original stories will always be readable on AO3 if not here!

[katrinbergling]

Hello?

Wow, it’s been a while... Long story short - my computer crashed. My boyfriend moved in with me. We bought a house. I got a new job - a full time job. Four changes all having an impact on my freetime which has lead to this long time away from everything sims but now I somehow want to make some time for it again...?

I lost all my files when my pc crashed. I know I had put my most valuable sim-files online somewhere but I simply can’t find them, I need to work with someting smaller than a large stable with multiple staff and 40 horses anyway so I’m trying to not mourn the loss of my old babies. It’s not going great let’s be honest. 

A lot has happened in the community while I was gone but I think I’ve gotten a hang of it now. You can find me as Katrin Bergling on the Cavaletti-community (please come and say hi I’m feeling a bit lost). I won’t be posting much in a while, my goal is to actually have facilities and a world to live in this time and boy do I have a lot to do still, heh.  (hit me up if you’d be willing to share some cc that are hard to find online these days...)

I don’t want to start a new tumblr, it’s still me, it’s just not Hesterfield anymore. I will change my name on here so it’s less confusing but that’ll wait until I actually have something relevant to post.

The picture is just to catch your attention, it’s a picture I was working on before the pc crash and it’s not finished and will never be so no hate on rough edges u.u

Ok ttyl?

[memoriashell]

imagery

Characters / Pairing: Namixi / Xion-centric

crossposted on ao3 

Notes: This is technically started as something I was going to use in home, but I thought it’d be cuter as a shippy stand alone and developed it a little from there. So while it's loosely connected, it can be read fine as a stand alone. Hoped to have it done for Valentines but that fell through, but ey something for Femslash Feb at least u.u

Summary: Things aren’t quite picture perfect, but it’s close as can be, she thinks.

( if a picture’s worth a thousand words, how much is one memory? ) 

“A camera?” Naminé echoes, curiously, grasping the small box-like machine in her hands. “I don’t...”

“It’s from Chip and Dale. I think they had Ienzo’s help with it?” She explains, feet kicking out a little to swing from the bench they were sitting at. “Riku thought you should have one, instead of using our Gummiphone for all the picture-taking that you like to do. I’m just delivering it since they needed me at the lab earlier.” There’s some mixed half-truth the story she tells, she had been at the lab earlier for ‘check-ups’, and the device had been a request on Riku’s part. She opts to leave out the fact that she’d been the one to prompt the request in the first place, making a note of the kind of photos that usually made up Naminé’s Kingstagram, and technically she’d been delegated to delivery person because Riku was gone and Naminé was shy about being around some parts of the larger group and it was nicer to be just the two of them sometimes.

( She can’t blame her, either way; reminds that they all had days where they did not see so eye to eye, they may have forgiven, but it is not so easy to forget things said and done, in a memory that seems so far away now ).

Naminé seems to know better than she makes apparent, that it is not so simple as an errand that she’s running, smile soft and tender as she thanks her— she feels her cheeks flush when the camera is pointed in her direction first, a hint of protest lingering on her lips. The blonde laughs at her and Xion shakes her head, ignoring the ache in her chest; a gentle nudge as she notes Roxas waving at them from a distance.

“Come on, let’s take some pictures before the boys start to tear up the shoreline with all their running.”

Sometimes she finds herself with Roxas and Axel ( and Isa, by extension most times ), sometimes she finds herself inside in the silent companionship of some of the former organization members ( that she does not quite remember, gone before she really awoke and was more just empty vessel, but there is a silent, mutual understanding between them ). Sometimes it is just her and Naminé, both shy and quiet and hesitant to be around some of the others, preferring to watch the others and laugh from a distance, shoulder to shoulder.

The two munch on some fruit they had picked earlier, another small detail they get used to when on the islands; different than life in Radiant Garden or Twilight Town. Feet dip in the tides as they search for seashells, some for them to take home, others just to admire; a crab scuttles past their feet and they pause in their search so Naminé can snap some pictures of it.

Xion keeps quiet while the other focuses on things like lighting and good framing— she looks happy and content, who is she to begrudge her of that? They have all gone through so much, moments like this that are quiet and peaceful that’s the least any of them could ask for, she, girl who is not so used to being at peace, muses.

She jolts when water is splashed in her face, camera is safely put aside before she retaliates and an impromptu water fight starts between them, full of laughter; and when they are both soaked to the bone and tired out, they lay out on a towel in the sun and dry in the warmth. Distantly, she can hear Pluto barking, reaffirming the fact that someone is around, should they want to seek out any additional company.

“Sometimes I miss it.” Raven haired girl murmurs absentmindedly, getting a curious hum from the other, so she elaborates. “The warmth, here? It reminds... it reminds me of him. I don’t remember a lot when I was sleeping, just some bits and pieces, but... it was always so warm to be with Sora. It didn’t hurt to just... exist, you know? Even if it wasn’t the same as before, being alive, I could feel the others, so it was okay... Kairi, was she like that too?”

She is quiet, understandably ( it is not the kind of question asked on a normal basis, even if normal is not something the former nobody even know ); eyes alike her own watching her. “I... kind of, yes. Kairi is a Princess of Heart, of course... of course her heart is full of warmth. But Sora— Sora is a different kind of warmth. Anyone could tell just by looking at him. It felt like being wrapped a warm, gentle blanket; so kind... But I was more aware of what was going on, because of that. Because I wasn’t supposed to exist.”

“Neither was I.” She speaks before she can really think it through, but her voice is gentle even if her words were not. Naminé has moved from lying on the towel to sitting and drawing in the sand with her fingers, so she props herself up to watch her handiwork while she talks. “And you know that. That’s why we’re here now, making the most of it.”

“Mm. Sometimes... Kairi couldn’t really communicate with me but I could tell she wasn’t happy, because she was aware of me. She missed me. I couldn’t understand though. Even when Sora told me that, I still don’t understand.”

“That’s because it’s Sora, even now, I think he still feels that way. I’m pretty sure Kairi feels that way as well, because that’s the kind of person she is too. And I know for a fact Roxas missed you, and probably the others, too.” It’s easier for her to channel Sora’s cheerful disposition in moments like these ( and some part of her thinks its Kairi’s kindness that she has too ), hand reaching out to take her free hand in hers, a gentle squeeze and the words that she speaks come from her naturally, without a second thought. “And I missed you too.”

She watches as the hand that had been tracing patterns into the sand falters, a methodical line tapers off into a slant, eyes wide with surprise staring back at Xion. She feels whatever brief ‘courage’ that she had dissipate in that moment, averting her gaze to stare back out at the ocean ( had she said something odd? She’s not entirely sure if her reaction is exactly good, or not. She has had ‘feelings’ before, but it is hard to reconcile with them most of the time ). “You did...?”

“Yeah. I was... sad, I think. That I never really got to know you. Or say goodbye.” She drags her gaze away from the sea once again, peering up into eyes of the same color as the ocean waves— feels like she is being pulled in, like the sea, and leans in just a bit closer ( her breath is caught in her throat, face feels warm and her heart heavy ).

“Oh, I—” Naminé cuts herself off with a shriek as a frisbee whips past them, Pluto kicking up sand as he chases after it, and the offender comes over to check up on them.

“So sorry, I didn’t see you two shorties over here.” Axel drawls out his apology, and she tosses some of the sand covering their towel in his face because she knows he doesn’t mean it. Bastard.

( She means that lovingly, of course ).

They laugh it off, the moment has passed—but before it is gone entirely, Xion feels fingers entwine with hers, a small squeeze in return.

Thank you, she knows, is what the gesture says.

“Did you really think so too?” She asks, suddenly, days later, that Xion doesn’t know what she’s talking about— pauses and tries to think if there was a part of the conversation she’d missed; blue eyes peering up over her book as she voices her confusion. The other girl was sitting in an armchair a little ways away from her, whatever she’d been drawing in her sketchbook abandoned for the time being ( she spares a moment to crane her neck around to try and see, then gives up on the endeavor when it is clear that she’s not going to be able to find out without quite a bit of movement ). “That you weren’t missed.” Naminé amends, and girl who is so used to being not falters for a moment, deliberating what to vocalize.

You had to be remembered to be missed, puppet girl reckons, and says as much— the smallest of pouts when her answer garners a laughter from the blonde.

Do you think they would have tried so hard to find you, if you could not be remembered? They might have forgotten who you were, but the heart always remembers.

( Hands reach out to meet each other half way, silent; the warm comfort of another, it makes her heart ache in the most pleasant way. A gesture of something like we’re here, we’re real, we’re alive, it’s okay, I’m sorry, thank you—

I missed you, I missed you, I love you )

[reliquiaen]

I wrote a thing and I was wondering if you would read it? It's a bubbline fic. It's called i could live without you (just don't want to) If you left a comment on what you thought I would greatly appreciate it. (Also apparently you can't post links in asks!? Who the heck thought of that?)

would you believe ao3 had the AUDACITY to tell me my comment was too long? outrageous. check below the cut.

It’s a little awkward to have Bonnie’s hand actually hit Marceline’s chest. Stand in front of your door and open it. Picture where the person on the other side is. There’s more space there than could be comfortably crossed by a casual arm swing from knocking. She would’ve struck air.

Set the scene more clearly. Has Bonnie ever been to this house before? It seems like she hasn’t but the reader doesn’t know that. We have no idea the pre-established relationship (whatever that is) between them either, so we don’t know if it’s even reasonable to expect that Bonnie has been here before. The lack of context also raises questions about the stuttering, especially since Marceline uses a nickname quite easily right at the start. Basically what I’m getting at here is that there’s a disconnect between how familiar they’re being with each other; Marceline is being real casual/familiar but Bonnie seems to be treating this like they’re strangers (or the next thing to it). Shoot for a little more consistency.

Following on from this point: the house is lovely? We have to take Bonnie’s word for it. You don’t have to go into any great amount of detail, just give us the top three things that make it lovely (well-lit, classy decorations, homey, photos on the walls, colour scheme, tidy - just a few ideas, fill it in how you think lovely looks!). Also not expecting you to have a floor plan (unless this is a longfic in the making and we’ll be spending a lot of time here, then yeah make a floorplan for your reference and consistency), but in your head you should know where things are and where the characters are going. So where’s this hallway in relation to where we started? Did we go through any rooms? Are there doors? What the heck is this rope??? Explain (from Bonnie’s POV) as she tries to figure out what’s going on before it happens, our brains work quickly, try and throw some of that in there.

Be careful using traits/descriptors in place of names as well. It can be useful when the character is a stranger (referring to them as ‘the tall guy’ or whatever if it’s a defining trait) but we know who these two are, use their names. Or pronouns. I find the best way to use pronouns in place of names is that the last character who’s name was used gets the following pronoun.

Description of the bedroom is pretty good, we have no guidelines to go by though; is this like the rest of the house? How tall is the house? Were the on the bottom floor and the attic is the only other floor? Or did they go up stairs? How on EARTH did a piano get up there? Strange items? Those seem like a focus point; take Bonnie’s personality into account: she’s the sort of curious where she sticks her nose where it shouldn’t be regardless of consequences. Plus ‘strange’ is the sort of word that readers will expect exploration for. Be careful of wording; Bonnie’s not analysing this, just taking it in. If you want her to be analysing, give us some more thought processes. What does she think of these things, is there anything in particular drawing her attention, is she uncomfortable and why, etc.

This is the first mention of them being in school together? There’s a basement? Definitely work on figuring out how all the rooms fit together.

Coming back to my point about setting your scene rn bc Bonnie has a crush? We are just learning this. Also why is Marceline tickling her? That’s VERY comfortable. I feel like we defs need some more details about their relationship as it stands. Especially now that Bonnie is using a nickname.

Careful with transitions. Felt like a whirlwind of situation changes happened right there between Bonnie lying down, Marceline leaving (??? not good host etiquette), Marceline coming back, the tickling??? and then the alcohol announcement. There’s very little to help with those transitions or explain any reasoning behind them.

(This is probably as good a time as any to just ask you to be careful with your speech tags and punctuation. Is Bonnie giggling the ‘stop’ or is she saying that around giggles or is she saying that and THEN giggling? Please don’t overuse smirk. It’s a great word for a sassbox like Marceline but too much smirking and it just becomes the smile of a shit-stirrer.)

Again: transitions. Marceline is pouting now. Describe it. Is this different? Has she got a reputation for being the sort of person who’s pouts folks can’t say no to? If not consider how that factors in. Please also ask where Marceline got the alcohol, why she’s drinking it, how old they are, why Bonnie is making this exception, Marceline’s motives behind sharing it (is it bc she wants to look cool? Does she understand what sorts of things Bonnie thinks are cool?). Also ask what YOUR motive is for the alcohol. Is it just to lower inhibitions and get them to talk more freely than they usually would? If that’s the case, reevaluate your use of it. It should serve a purpose for the characters as well as for you. (Pet peeve: this is an especially tricky situation for other reasons: they’re underage and consent. It’s brought up heaps in other fics, I know, but it’s worth considering anyway.)

Tie your references to blushing into what else is going on at the time. Otherwise they feel disjointed; like things you’re just reciting. Don’t give us facts! Give us emotion!

Check your tenses. By which I mean just make sure you’re not switching between past and present tense accidentally when referring to multiple actions in a single sentence. (Should be ‘plopped’.) “Shook her head yes” - check that, should be nods I think, yes? Yeah just some grammar issues here and there, a few missing words and tense mix ups, punctuation problems, capitalisation. Nothing major (we all do it) just make sure you check for them.

Use of omniscient narrator for the briefest of seconds. I get that you’re trying to convey to the reader that Marceline has a crush too, but Bonnie has thus far been your sole narrator so if she can’t hear something we shouldn’t either. Alternatively, grab a Virginia Woolf novel and welcome to the omniscient narrator club!

New speaker = new paragraph. But same speaker = same paragraph. You’ve split up some of Marceline’s dialogue into two paragraphs which can be confusing. Marceline is playing music she wrote? Why? Is she shy about this? Does she do it often? Again, is it bc she’s trying to impress? Is it bc she’s going on drunk?

Marceline is getting her way a lot. We, the reader, know why. Consider from their perspective though: does Marceline know why? Does she suspect? Does she feel guilty for pressuring Bonnie? How does Bonnie feel about it? Growing frustration? A little bit of that patented Hopeless Gay™?

Why the boredom? If this was a planned get together why did neither of them think about what they were gonna do? Bonnie especially would be the type to have a plan. She probably googled ‘platonically hanging out with your crush’ to see what came up lol.

The innuendo at the end feels a bit rushed, too. But that could just be bc we haven’t seen any of the build up to this. Have they been pining for several years (unlikely if they’re in high school)? Is it the alcohol talking? Is Marceline joking? How can we tell? Is she phrasing it like that just to get a rise out of Bonnie? What does she think NOT getting that rise out of Bonnie?

Anyway that was a lot of rambling I’m very sorry. Overall a good tight storyline, it starts, it builds and it concludes satisfactorily. You just need to practice writing as a thought-process sorta thing, I’m not sure how to explain it better than as a connecting of ideas together. I mean I won’t claim to be great at that sometimes I force a situation to get to where I wanna go (sometimes you have to), but yeah just check in with your characters, plan things out (doesn’t have to be a huge spread out thing, just make a few notes about where things are) and ask questions! To question your story and motives can only make it better! It’s all that background stuff that the reader doesn’t see that makes up this underlying network of ideas, concepts, actions and characterisation that really holds up the plot and keeps shit consistent!

And that is… all the advice I’ve got! Sorry if any of it came out sounding a lil brusque it’s been a loooooong day u.u

[chileanli]

Today I went to the Zestiria cafe for the last time, as the collaboration ends this Sunday (u.u) and I had to celebrate our happy ending! Bonuses: -They have a Sormik and a Rosali-based drinks! -I got really confused because the Rosali luncheon mat has the "I like you" in really big letters but the drink is called "never-changing friendship," so... which one is it? -I don't know why but they gave me an Epileo postcard! (They were handing them to everyone who was there, don't ask me how I unlocked the event) -They also have a Rosali based dessert! I didn't order it and asked for the one inspired by Sorey and his final kamui, so no pictures of that, sorry -My favourite illustration ever: Sorey eating soft serve with Mikleo desperately making more in the background -Bought a coaster case because Sormik feelings are strong... the Rosali one was sold out I'll miss this collaboration cafe! Hope they have another one soon!