#(this is abt my step dad if that wasnt clear)

[burgundykicks]

I swear I am one more 'but he makes your mum really happy' away from drastic measures

[golisopod-mutual]

The other day my mom was struggling w her mental health & was frustrated w my step dad and ended up lashing out at me. i had literally just entered the room to her saying she wasnt putting the xmas tree up at all and basically throwing a fit & i had no clue why she was so upset. And she said shes been waiting for help w the tree but nobody came to help. so I said 'I'm sorry, I didn't know you needed help.' and I started putting the tree up. And then she got all pissy and was like "OH OF COURSE i didnt say anything so its my fault, everything is my fault ' or something and im like. ????? Man why are we biting my head off im trying to help??

And usually I would get bitchy right back at her but instead I tried to stay as calm as possible and I told her like. I don't think it's very fair to jump down my throat and act like that when I'm just trying to help & haven't done anything to deserve this anger. Like I'm just trying to have a conversation abt the situation & when I said 'I'm sorry I didn't know you needed help' i was being honest & genuine. And her response was mean and totally shut down any productive conversation.

And she was kind quiet and angry and pouty for a bit but then she apologized???? Like admitted she lashed out at me bc of factors I wasn't involved in & it was misdirected & it was wrong of her to shut down any chance at an adult and reasonable conversation by acting like that. And I am. So stunned by this. She's NEVER done that. We have these lil fights all the time where she lashes out at everyone over stuff that's not their fault and acts a fool and makes it impossible to reason w her or have a conversation. And not once has she ever come to me after and apologized for acting out.

Anyway after she apologized I made sure to specifically mention that I appreciate the apology. Bc usually she'd stay mad & I'd stay irritated that she snapped at me for no reason and we'd all be upset. So I appreciated that she recognized she was wrong and cleared the air. But like. Genuine positive changes in my home life??????? She's making a genuine effort to change her toxic behaviors and be better????

[verytendou]

why am i the one explaining football drama to my white male step family. why am i the one that knows football here. fifth grade in america does something to you

[babysizedfics]

the first time vee regressed in therapy (and meeting michael after)

NOTE: this is almost 2k words... so it continues under the cut. No TWs!

for the first few sessions of vees therapy with dr picani, patton is in the room with them because of vee's selective mutism, so patton hung around to help translate for vee during seasions until she is able to speak for herself, and thru these firsts sessions emile sees how attached the two are to each other

and after about three or four weeks, once vee can reliably talk for herself, patton stil sits in the waiting room so if vee needs him he's there

im their first session without patton, emile actually prompts vee to tell him what she calls her uncle patton. she says "patton" but emile is like do u not call him uncle? and she hesitates bc she definitely doesnt call him uncle but she hates lying

and emile smiles knowing that she doesnt. then he asks "are there any other names you call your uncle, vee?" because unbeknown to vee, emile actually heard her call patton "dad" one day in the waiting room

she is made rlly nervous by this question but emile assures her he isnt trying to trick her or anything, he just wants her to be honest. and after some more coaxing she whispers that she calls patton "dad" and emile is like thats lovely

and suddenly vee is teary and panicky because shes scared emile is being sacastic or will quiz her about it, but he insists that its very nice that she is comfy calling patton that and that they are so close and it makes vee feel a lot safer

but that prompts emile to start asking her about her biological father, janus. has she ever called him dad or was he always janus? does she know why that is?

vee really tries her best to stay calm and answer, but the questions suddenly get too much and before she knows it virgil goes non-verbal bc she realises she is starting to regress

emile notices vee's distress and changes his voice like softer and more clear. he asks what is wrong, he assures her they dont need to talk about anything vee doesnt want to talk about. Can you breathe with me? Good thank you, can you talk? No thats alright you dont have to. Is there anything he can do to make her feel safe?

and the soft caring words just push vee compeltely into half regression and she starts fully crying, tears spilling down her cheeks and shaky breaths and little squeaks and sniffles and tightly cuddling her softie she took with her (a lilac octopus, dr violet)

after a couple minutes of just crying and emile givinf her some space to let it out, the tears arent slowing down. so she cries " i w-wan pa-p-p-..." giving up after she realises her voice is definitely little now

"what do you want, vee?" emile prompts so so kindly that it just makes vee's chest ache

she whimpers "w-wan papa" and trails off in sobs

and emile instantly knows she means patton. he very easily rolls with this infantile behaviour, being a child therapist a lot of the time. he just sees her acting like a toddler and he immediately thinks okay time to turn on the toddler therapy, no questions asked

emile stands up carefully and speaks clear and gentle "okay vee. dr picani is leaving for just a moment to get your papa, okay? I'll be back very soon" and vee just squeaks through her tears, so he hurries out to the waiting room to fetch patton

pat literally jumps from his seat when emile calls him in saying vee is upset and practically runs through the corridor and into the office. he immediately pulls her into a one armed cuddle on the couch while emile just closes the door rlly gentle for privacy and hands a box of tissues to patton. so patton softly shushes his baby and wipes her tears away while emile takes quick notes in his book

patton is rlly quietly shushing her and comforting her, trying to be discreet. emile notices that this is obviously a common occurence, and also notices that patton seems to be holding back something

so when patton looks up briefly and catches emiles gaze, emile just smiles and speaks softly "do you know what age regression is, patton?"

and patton breathes a massive sigh of relief and hugs vee tighter "yeah... yeah we do"

and emile nods and smiles a little sympathetic looking back at vee and patton jumps right back to comforting her, not trying to be discreet this time, going full papa mode now that he has the confirmation that emile knows about regression

patton lifts a still crying vee into his lap and cuddles her to his chest and rocks her. "its alright, baby, shh shhh, papas got you" (vee still crying and grabbing pattons shirt tightly) "i know i know, baby, youre ok"

then emile adds in softly "youre doing very well vee" and patton smiles at him then repeats for vee "did you hear dr picani? he said youre doing sooo well! youre so so brave, hunnybunny"

and eventually when vee is comforted enough and the tears have stopped, emile raises his eyebrows questioningly at patton and pat talks to vee: "vee, are you ready to talk to dr picani again?"

she whimpers and grips patton tighter. "its okay babygirl, papas not going anywhere..." patton hesitstes and looks up at emile a little worried "uh, as long as thats alright with dr picani"

emile nods and smiles softly when vee peeks over her softie at him "of course. you can do whatever you want vee, if having your dad - or your papa here makes you feel safer then of course he can stay. would you like patton to stay so you can feel safer?"

vee doesnt respond but frowns and hides behind dr violet again, and emile looks to patton

patton explains gently "we need simpler language than that for her when she's regressed."

"oh my apologies..." emile starts, then tries again. "Vee?" he waits for vee to lower her softie from her eyes again to show shes listening. "Do you still want your papa?"

vees shoulders are tensed and shes hugging her softie so tight, still hiding partially behind it, but she nods a little

and so they continue with patton in the room

throughout the session she is REALLY shy of emile in this headspace but emile is just rly gentle and treats her like an actual young child while she sits in pattons lap and tries to interact with him, so emile manages to coax some stuff from her. and is shocked to find that this seems to be a headspace that actuslly allows vee to be more open and honest with him even if her language is limited

he asks her how does she feel right now? its okay if she doesnt know. is she scared? thats okay, it is very scary. she's being so brave. but is papas lap soft and warm? thats very nice! does it make her feel safe? does it help her tears go away? well thats good to hear, we dint want you to be sad. do you love papa? Can you show me how much? Woah that's a lot!!

and once vee has calmed down a lot and giggled a little at how nice dr picani is being to her, emile sees vee start to suck her thumb

unfortunately its not sanitary for her to suck her thumb in oublic since she must have touched surfaces, and pat brings her thumb away and desperately apologizes when vee whines and starts tearing up when papa wont let her suck her thumb. she dorsnt have her pretty paci so what else is she meant to do!

then emile announces in a very babytak voice. "vee, can you guess what I have in my desk drawer? Haha No, not frogs. Look!" and he pulls out a handful of lollipops! all different colours! and vee starts bouncign a little on papas lap and smiling

with a quick check that she has no allergies (egg, but there aint no egge in lollipops) emile lets her pick a flavor/color then givs it to her to suck on

patton needs to hold it for her though in case she accidentally swallows it, so her lil hands are just holdin gently on papas hand as he holds the lollipop for her and her legs are swingin, dangling down from papas lap bc she happy stims when she is eatin sweets by kicking her feet!

nearing the end of the session emile tells vee how good ahe's been answering al his questions and being well behaved for her papa. so he lets her pick a sticker to prove how good she was today!

but she doesn't want to touch the sticky or have it one her pretty dress, so patton asks her to point to her favourite and papa can pick it up for her. but shes too shy to pick one

so papa chooses one for her, a puffy pink kitty, then puts it on his nose to make her giggle. shes shy abt giggling in front of emile and buries her face on papas shoulder and patton cradles her head and coos and emile just watches all of this rly softly

and then their time is up and patton smiles and pats vee's leg and asks if she wants to be carried and she shakes her head with a proud smile. patton gasps "are you gonna be a big girl and walk on your own?"

then vees smile drops and she whines and grabs pats hand and patton giggles "no no not completely on your own. paps gonna hold your hand baby" so she nods and they get up with patton holding her hand

then patton says goodbye to emile and thanks him for being so kind to vee, and emile says "my pleasure. i'll see you next week vee!"

vee squeezes her papas hand and shuffles behind him a little. but she waves her softies tentacle at emile to say goodbye and emile smiles and waves to them "byebye dr violet, make sure you keep vee safe and happy this week!" and vee giggles and patton leads her outside

in the waiting room vee is much more closed off because theres the receptionist and a couple other clients in there so she just keeps her eyes down while papa signs them out - then she hears a slightly deep voice say "oh, I really like your stuffie"

vee doesnt really know how to react, she looks up a little and sees dark blue jeans and thick legs and vans sneakers but then quickly tugs pattons hand and steps behind him to hide from the stranger

"Thank you! It was a 'well done for going to therapy' gift from me" patton says cheerfully, and vee starts stroking his fingers as a comfort stim

"aw that's sweet!" the stranger says just as joyful as patton... so vee feels okay looking up now that she knows this stranger wasnt trying to make fun of her

she only catches some shaggy brown hair and a tshirt with what looks like a horror film image on it that she doesnt recognise. she doesnt dare make eye contact but she can tell the stranger is smiling at her

and she cant talk, shes too little, but shes not little enough to not understand whats happening. so she lets go of pattons hand bruefly to sign "thank you" then quickly grabs his hand again, feeling her cheeks warm and looking back to the ground

"you're welcome!" the stranger says, still happy, so vee smiles a little, then tugs pattons hand and looks up at him pleadingly

patton is beaming, his cheeks bunched in the biggest smile. "ready to go, sweetie?" vee nods "okay, here we go. It was lovely meeting you..."

"michael!"

"michael" patton smiles and holds out his other hand to shake michaels hand. "im patton and this is vee! have a good night!"

"you too, patton!" michael bids as patton and vee start walking away. then the voice soeaks again "bye vee!"

vee doesnt respond but she smiles and pulls dr violet up to hide it

patton leads her out to the parking lot and as he buckles her seatbelt for her he presses a big kiss to her cheek "im so so proud of you, babygirl"

and the whole ride home patton speaks softly and recaps what was good about theraoy this week. he does it to reinforce with vee that this is a good thing to do.

he talks about how lovely dr picani was and how he already knew what regression was. he talks about how funny his jokes were and how much she giggled. and her lollipop and her sticker - which they just realised was still on pattons nose and laughed about. and he talked about the lovely boy in the waiting room who liked vee's softie!

and the whole time vee is smiling and giggling and blushing and getting closer to full regression so that when they get home vee is just a bouncy wiggly giggly baby all night

[viriyanon]

that one (or two) #jesusreference that i absolutely love from ep 15

today i officially throw all my biases away and admit that tdj's approach towards finale is super delicious. this episode is the real definition of chef kiss. making the antagonist step on the almighty protagonist an episode before finale? other-worldly. "killing" both yohan and gaon without touching any of them? show-stopping. #jesusreference throughout the episode like hansel and gretel's bread crumbs? love it. this is the first drama that successfully reels me back to my early excitement and anticipation, after those two dreadful episodes full of tug of war, uncertainty, and pessimism.

i kinda had seen it that kang yohan would not actually back down after min jungho and kim gaon's press con. (talking about min jungho i really want to know this man's background) he's always on the civilians' side, never leaving them from his consideration. although it seems like he's pulling a pontius pilate (damn, another #jesusreference), shifting the power of his decision to his people in the name of democracy, it's not entirely wrong. theoretically, it is democracy that we all wished for but couldn't achieve. for the sake of law and order and quick process. but really, it made me question myself again, who are those people to decide that progress should be quick? that the democratic process to reach a consensus must be done in several days, weeks, months? well, i'll get back to this very very later.

then at one point, during yohan's quarrel with gaon in his office, a thought flashed in my head. i used to... question myself, what kind of madness a kang yohan is? what makes his monstrosity more tolerable than jung sunah, cha kyunghee, heo jungse, and their gang, even the jukchang and madame chacha's son? yohan also manipulated people, caused casualties, beat up people, and almost shot a bus driver. even though it's for a good purpose but what is good and what is bad is always subjective to the owner's moral sense. then, it came out clear to me.

"ah.... kang yohan is not a monster. he is a child."

it appeared to me that yohan's childishness didnt stop at his endless bicker with elijah and his pouty pout whenever gaon pulled him out of his tough turtle's shell. he was trying to bring down all hell that these powerful evils created with his childlike mind.

when he said he's just providing "the quick way", and he apologized for all the accusations min jungho threw to him, and the mass didn't give up on him, it clicked. when he was mad at gaon for calling him a monster, and insisted that he's just giving "the quick way" for the poor and oppressed in this corrupted society. it freaking clicked.

kang yohan, people's guardian angel, was a child in a middle-aged man's body. look back to the day he killed the bird for the girl. he SAW fear in the girl's eyes (thats why dont be an overdramatic bitch) and immediately responded to it. he lived with fear every single day without knowing the safe solution to it. he knew how it felt to be very scared and noone stood up for you. so he "killed" the source of fear for the girl.

but then? his friends couldn't understand it. hell, even his teacher just spacedive into conclusion. i assume they didnt even call his dad to resolve the situation. cus it'd be no avail with his jackass dad. plus, self-righteous brother, ignorant maid, and psychopathic same-age maid. young yohan who was not well cared and taught to be empathetic had his character building imperfect and impeded.

im not a psychologist cant really talk abt it but i felt like kang yohan was pictured as a child who was responding to the world, well, in his child way. this reminded me of thag one verse from Matthew about having an innocence of a child. it goes like:

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

that's why kang yohan placed himself among the poor people, giving justice to the wronged and weak ones. that's why no matter how cruel the accusations he received, he still could humbly admit it and everyone supported him. it's cus yohan was seen and depicted by the writer as a child.

he was like a little boy who hadn't known abt bureaucracy and the nook and crannies of this crooked world, encouraging him to take the dark, quicker alleyway. generally, children are innocent and simple. by opening a live court, he quickly took an action and solved a problem without much complication. therefore, his straightforward approach was more favourable than other formal courts. but some people thought he was being a barbarian.

when he asked gaon to let go soohyun to be able to finish their goal, it felt like a baby's babble. "i want this car toy, i dont want other toy! if you dont buy me this toy, i wont eat." smtg like that.

soohyun needed to be avoided bcs she didnt know anything abt yohan while yohan's just executing his plan that only gaon knew. the people surrounding yohan didnt try to understand yohan too and could possibly mislead her. with soohyun giving gaon false information abt yohan while theyre working tgt, their goal could fail as the judge had to reassure gaon over and over.

lastly, the thing that differentiate yohan and other antagonists is yohan didn't kill, even in the heat of the moment. because the "child" in him knew killing wasnt acceptable and a child usually doesn't have the mean to hurt others completely even until die, unless there are other factors. while those antagonists, their dirty works must consisted of killing one or two men. and that's why they're the real monsters. yohan was a guardian angel that has a monstrous facade.

and he couldn't be understood by the "older" people (gaon, soohyun, the maid, elijah is just another baby, min jungho, the devil gang) bcs he was simply a child who was extra careful to handpick the person he could trust his little secret to. and gaon was the only person who could do that.

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas : The villain’s little hero

Also on AO3! 

TL;DR:  All Might, Japan's number 1 villain has a successor. The problem? His successor is a hero hopeful. All Might will stop at nothing to make sure his kid gets to live his dream.

au where all might is a villain raising izuku to be a hero!

quirkless izuku, his backstory is mostly the same

all might decided that hero work had too much red tape. if he was going to take down afo, he needed the freedom to do whatever he had to and he wasnt getting that working within the law

so hes a,,, viilllaaaiinnn?? like. stain. but less murdery, would also save civilians if they were in danger

he has 0 qualms about crippling fake heroes but hes not a fan of murder

nighteye is still his sidekick, he doesnt use his quirk on allmight bc all might h a t e s it

hes kinda on board with "the future is only set in stone because you've seen it now" so he wants the freedom to break fate. but its very useful to get info, so nighteye just uses it on other people

hero to the people villain to literally everyone else

allmights villain costume is reallll similar to his hero costume. just less eye bleeding

he has longer grey hair too.

all mights bronze age costume is basically his villain costume thanks for listening

david shield is still in this story

david agrees w all might and like,,, sneaks him stuff on the downlow

all might told him ab. his quirk because who on earth is gonna believe that one america man about japans worst supervillain?

also melissa is a Soft Young Woman and she is all mights favourite person on this fucking planet until he meets izuku

all might went to ua, only defected after completing his hero training because he wanted to be trained by the people he was going to screw over

izuku has always kinda been a big fan of all might. not openly because hes legally a villain and very much paints himself as one, but his quirk is one of the most amazing things izuku has ever seen

when he looks closer, all might has never let a civilian get hurt once hes been on scene. hes taken hits to protect housing, hes pulled heroes from the line of fire

izuku watches his sports festivals and wonders why? why did all might, the man who happily told the world he'd stop at nothing to keep them safe, suddenly flip sides like that for no reason?

izuku doesnt buy it

izuku's big yellow backpack is a big red one in this universe, hes had it so long its gone pink but he still loves it

the sludge villain

all might saves him and izuku is crying. allmight thinks its because hes scared but izuku just turns to him with this big weepy eye smile and gives him the most genuine thanks he thinks hes ever been given

(its honestly the shock of that that makes him deflate into small might, which has izuku scrambling to find tissues and called an ambulance before he thinks better of calling emergency services for All Might)

izuku is like "Im SO SORRY SIR ARE YOU oK"

and all might is like ",,, b  oy"

izuku softly asking

"can,, can i still be someone with out a quirk? can i still make a difference?"

all might doesnt get the chance to anser because there is a massive explosion in the distance

its bakugo!! hes dying

the sludge villain got away bc izuku and all might were chatting a little

izuku hears it and he feels this terrible realization, because its probably not bakugo? but its definitely bakugo because izuku's life is falling to pieces

he sprints towards him and katsuki will n e v e r admit it but he feels hope in that moment because some one is trying to help. even if its just izuku, he wasnt totally left for dead

all might sees this tiny, nervous, quirkless kid run straight up to a villain that almost killed him seconds before to save someone what looks like they'd rather die

and he thinks

"no one deserves one for all more than him"

and allmight, the most wanted villain in japan, maybe the world, jumps in

the heroes look at him and they are scared. if they couldnt take the sludge villain, what is all might going to do to them? but the scariest man in japan, the person parents tell their kids about to stop them from going out at night, blows the sludge villain to tiny pieces and carefully, gently, places the two boys by the heroes

before he vanishes before they can call for backup or even ask why

izuku gets yelled at by the heroes because the heroes are scared and angry they couldnt stop either of the villains and izuku is so overwhelmed that hes crying and he can hardly breathe

bakugo doesnt even yell at him because hes so dazed about everything that happened and he cant make himself yell at this sobbing kid that used to be his friend

(bakugo is holding izukus hand like hes going to crush it but its the only thing keeping izuku present)

izuku is walking home and hes still hicuping and crying because he almost died and the heroes hate him and he feels a hand on his shoulder, and a soft :"its ok now my boy"

he knows its all might but he cant help but hide his face in his shirt and sob

all might gets down so he can look izuku in the eye

"you asked me if you could be someone with out a quirk and i didnt get the chance to answer. my answer? you already are someone. you are someone that inspired me, a villain, to save the day. you are going to be amazing"

and looks him dead in the eye "you'll do amazing things, even with out a quirk. but, you of all people deserve one, and no matter what you chose to do with it, it can be yours. hero, villain or someone in between"

izuku looks at this villain

this painfully thin villain, who just saved his life and who has unimaginable strength

and he throws his arms around his waist and sobs

inko isnt a great mum in this au and she likes to basically pretend izuku doesnt exist

izuku trains a lot and has to make his own food bc his mum just ignores him

he sneaks out at night to clear trash and sneaks back in before dawn to clean the sand from his hair

he smells like saltwater and rust, and he hasnt slept more than 4 hours a night in weeks and katsuki is worried

all might sees him crumbling with a smile stuck on his face and he wants to stop him from self-destructing, but the kid will never learn his lesson until he feels his body give up under what hes doing to it. if all might steps in he'll do it again and again until no one stops him and hes never learnt his limit.

so he waits and he watches while he pretends he cant see the bags under his eyes and pretends that everytime izuku sways on his feet he doesnt feel a jolt of deep panic

did he do this? if he the reason izuku looks like hes falling apart before his eyes?

the kid passes the fuck out and all might tells him off in a soft dad way and izuku cries bc why does this villain care more than his mum does

and all might catches the end of that little mumble, and feels terrible so he pretends he didnt hear and takes him for lunch

they go to a cafe and all might buys izuku the cutest slice of cake and a big ass bowl of katsudon and some fancy fucking tea and covers the kids eyes every time he tries to look at the prices

izuku looks at all might and asks

"are you buying me katsudon with crime money"

and all might looks sheepish and izuku giggles like an idiot and says "dont tell me ill feel bad!!!"

all might grins bc this kid is honestly the only reason he hasnt stabbed a pro hero in a few months bc hes so fucking sweet

he has to carry izuku half the way home bc the kid could barely lift his chopsticks and almost fell asleep in the booth after he finished eating

and allmight, skinny and kinda scary is giving his 15 year old a piggy back and someone says "you're such a good dad!" and he almost coughs up his last lung

izuku mumbles sleepily and hes has the biggest warm and fuzzy feeling and hes going to yell bc hes All Might the No. 1 Villain and this fucking kid is drooling on his sweater but he would die for him

some random stranger on the street commenting on how it was rly fortunate that izuku inherited his adorable smile from his father

all might, abt to burst into tears: whack

allmight is easily flustered even when hes killed a man

he comes home and inko isnt there so he has to like, wake up izuku to get him to open the door and he feels bad bc izuku is a Sleepy Man

izuku mumbles that he cant ever tell if shes at home or not because nothing changes and all might feels a wave of "wait my son isnt being parented enough"

so he makes izuku a cup of tea and tucks him into bed after he has a shower because izuku is His Son Now Inko

hes like

sitting in the living room reading the paper and he hears inko's car and hes like ",,, fuck it im walking out the front door im no coward"

she doesnt even notice and hes going to scream because does she have a brain

inko, spaced out, tired and terrible: oh is the tall man here for izuku :))) thats great :)))

all might is screaming bc"" do you get let weird men into see your tiny son>???? what the fuck???

hes so small inko??? and you?? let random men in?????

all might would yeet her into the sun if he could but his boy needs an actual family member to make going to ua easier

inko is kinda mentally ill. she is depressed and often forgets she has izuku. like shes not always being terrible she just sometimes forget to do basic things

one time she locked izuku out of the house for 10 hours and he had to sleep next to the front door

one month she didnt buy any food so by the end of it he was starving and out of his own money and there was n o t h i n g in the house, but inko would go out to eat every night and lunch and not take her son

allmight is upset bc izuku didnt tell him but izuku is embarrassed. embarrassed that he was forgotten by his own mum, that he couldnt do anything to help her or himself and honestly mad he was so hungry all might noticed bc he didnt want to bug him

it was getting to the point that katsuki actually slipped some change into his bag with a candy bar

[mvlcolms]

*clears throat*  is  this  thing  on  ?  hi  friends  im  mella  !  i  go  by  feminine  pronouns  n  am  19  yrs  of  achy  joints  and  random  migraines  .  basically  19  going  on  107  .  i’m  here  to  introduce  u  to  malcolm  .  fair  warning  tho  ..  he  is  the  worst  .  so  if  u  dont  hate  both  of  us  by  the  end  of  this  ,  feel  free  to  like  this  or  hmu  so  we  can  plot  smth  ? 

❛ welcome  to  new  york  ,  malcolm  hansen  .  your  resemblance  to  herman  tommeraas  is  absolutely  uncanny  .  by  the  looks  of  your  tesla  roadster  ,  we’re  thinking  you’ll  fit  right  in  .  according  to  tmz  ,  you  just  had  your  twenty  second  birthday  bash  .  your  chances  of  making  it  in  the  city  are  dicey  since  you’re  unscrupulous  ,  but  being  captivating  gives  you  an  advantage  .  (  cismale  &  he/him  ) 

SO  let  me  introduce  u  to  malcolm  richard  hansen  iii  ,  but  if  u  call  him  anything  other  than  mac  ,  he  prob  will  throw  hands  .  he  comes  from  olllllld  money  ,  nobody  rly  knows  how  the  family  got  rich  initially  but  his  grandpa  (  the  og  malcolm  )  made  even  more  money  by  creating  a  very  successful  record  label  thats  now  rly  dominant  in  the  music  industry  .  his  grandpa  is  currently  79  yrs  old  n  just  recently  stepped  out  as  the  ceo  but  is  still  has   a  lot  of  influence  in  the  company  and  obviously  in  the  family  .  this  might  sound  irrelevant  but  it  will  be  important  later  on  i  promise  .

ok  so  mac  was  born  to  mac  jr  and  a  former  singer  named  tara  michaels  .  they  met  when  she  was  in  the  record  label  building  , for  a  meeting  in  regards  to  a  possible  contract  and  the  rest  was  history  ?  grandpa  hated  tara  and  made  no  secret  of  his  opinions  abt  her  .  basically  he  thought  she  was  a  golddigger  (  she  was  )  and  his  son  was  stupid  (  also  true  )  ,  and  even  refused  to  attend  their  wedding ceremony .  needless  to  say  ,  as  soon  as  they  got  married  ,  the  couple  left  sunny  california  n  settled  down  in  chicago  .

mac  was  his  first  male  grandchild  tho  ,  n  even  if  he  hated  his  mother  n  resented  his  dads  stupidity  ,  mac  was  kinda  like  his  golden  child  .  so  senior  kinda  stole  his  grandson  ?  not  rly  but  he  did  keep  him  in  la  every  summer  n  holidays  ,  when  he  wasnt  in  school  in  chicago  .

so  mac  rly  looked  up  to  his  grandpa  growing  up  even  if  he  also  thought  he  was  an  asshole  ?  they  werent  super  close  but  had  a  lot  of  respect  for  each  other  ,  n  mac  much  preferred  spending  his  time  with  og  mac  than  with  mac  jr  n  his  ma   (  oh  boy  this  is  bound  to  get  confusing  )  .  but  yea  ,  his  grandpa  was  a  huge  influence  on him  while  growing  up  ,  which  was  mayhaps  not  a  good  idea  .

once  he  graduated  high  school  ,  his  grandpa  told  him  that  he  wanted  him  to  run  the  company  in  his  dads  place  bc  he  wasnt  leaving  a  multibillion  dollar  company  for  that  doofus  ,  but  sneaky  old  mac  told  him  that  there  were  terms  to  this  development  .  mac  would  get  the  company  once  he  retired  ,  but  since  his  father  had  been  such  a  dumb  fuck  ,  he  would  only  get  the  company  n  his  money  ,  if  he  married  a  woman  approved  by  the  senior  before  he  kicked  the  bucket  .  mac  threw  an  absolute  fit  ,  but  eventually  came  to  the  conclusion  that  he’d  rather  marry  someone  for  convenience  than  be  poor  for  the  rest  of  his  life  .  which  tbh  so  would  i  .

ENTER  ARRANGED  FIANCÉE  .  they’ve  been  engaged  for  about  two  yrs  now  but  no  one  is  in  any  rush  for  the  actual  marriage  .  the  deal  was  that  they  only  had  to  do  it  before  senior  died  ,  n  since  he’s  in  pretty  much  perfect  help  ,  the  duo  is  just  biding  their  time  .  mac  moved  to  nyc  to  live  w/  the  fiancée  ,  but  as  of  now  ,  they  r  pretty  much  just  roommates  atm  .  so  yeah  basically  thats  how  mac  ended  up  in  this  moment  in  his  life  lmao  . 

in  regards  to  his  personality  ,  mac  is  pretty  much  a  mini  version  of  malcolm  senior  .  he’s  v  confident  (  cocky  )  n  has  a  LOT  of  trouble  trying  to  view  life  by  any  other  point  of  view  than  his  own  .  very  selfish  and  honestly  not  a  guy  u  can  put  ur  trust  in  ?  he’s  not  like  a  super  asshole  or  anything  ,  is  in  fact  rly  charming  n  can  be  a  great  person  to  hang  out  w/  but  if  you’re  his  best  friend  n  he  feels  like  he  can  get  away  w/  hooking  up  w  your  mom  ? 12/10  will  do  it  .

is  mad  into  parties  ?  always  hanging  out  in  the  hottest  spots  w  all  different  kinds  of  ppl  until  the  sun  is  comin  up  .  he  has  weird  views  when  it  comes  to  dating  which  is  lowkey  for  is  kinda  an  asshole  who  gives  no  fucks  n  usually  ends  up  being  hated  by  his  exes  .

but  he’s  also  a  super  fun  guy  to  be  around  !!  will  always  be  down  for  a  good  time  n  do  his  best  to  cheer  u  everyone  around  him  .  u  r  always  going  to  be  entertained  around  him  there  isnt  even  a  choice  .

he  works  on/off  for  the  record  label  ,  mostly  monitoring  bigger  artists  n  such  because  we  love  nepotism  around  here  friends  ,  but  he  also  does  music  every  once  in  a  while  ?  its  not  frequent  ,  n  he  mostly  writes  songs  for  other  artists  , but  he  has  previously  released  an  album  n  scored  a  couple  of  #1s  .  i  pretty  much  think  of  his  vc  n  style  as  bazzi’s  ,  but  he’s  definitely  not  super  active  as  a  singer .

so  far  this  is  pretty  much  it  for  mac  .  i’m  still  working  on  him  a   little  ,  but  this  is  an  alright  outline  of  his  for  now  .  i’m  gonna  list  some  possible  connections  but  those  are  gonna  be  pretty  basic  .  feel  free  to  hmu  in  my  ims  or  on  discord   (  mella is lost #1597  )  where  i  am  p  much  all  the  time  so  we  can  come  up  w  some  bomb  ideas ?

someone  whos  signed  to  the  label  n  they  connected  through  it  ?  could be  all  kinds  of  stuff  actually  .  

best  friends  bc  even  demons  need  those  every  once  in  a  while  .

exes  ,  all  kinds  of  them  but  mostly  bad  terms  bc  mac  is  the  worst  .

pretty  much  all  the  fwbs  no  strings   attached  things  specially  if  they  come  w/  angst   . 

hype  friends  who  r  always  there  to  have  a  good  time  w  each  other  .

first  love  type  of  thing  ?

skinny  love  that  will  never  work  ?

i  cant  think  of  anything  else  ?  pls  dont  give  up  on  me  tho  n  like  this  thing  or hmu  for plots  bye !!!

[figureinthedistance]

read more bc even more long + self indulgent than my usual stuff

ive been thinking abt my relationship w/ like.... crying recently like as in w/in the past maybe week. i cry so easily tht i just feel like tears dont carry any consistent meaning it can mean so many different things. 

1) last week my dads abusive mother died + i didnt cry i wasnt sad @ all. id sort of figured shed be dying soon + i was so scared id end up crying bc i kno i cry easily + that death makes me cry even if i dont kno the person who died that well. but i didnt cry + i still havent even when i talked to my dad on the phone + cld tell he’d been crying. im so fucking glad. she was so evil i hated her so much but i was still scared id end up crying. especially bc in her later years she was vulnerable + isolated + in a lot of pain. 

2) speaking of, my brothers ex girlfriend who im still on friendly terms w. her childhood best friend committed suicide last weekend + i was crying but i was sort of aware that i was crying exclusively for my brothers ex gf, not for the woman who died. who i knew, who i had met + liked! but i wasnt grieving i was jst heartbroken bc i knew the ex was jst going to feel so so guilty abt it-- she’d been like sort of the woman’s only friend + had moved abroad a few months ago. i felt bad + like, like i was insulting the woman who had died that i was so concerned w/ how her death affected others when her death was abt her, it wasnt supposed to be abt its impact. it was abt her! 

the next 2 Things are less serious

3) the national album made me cry, especially not in kansas.mp3, but also quiet light + a good few other songs. i genuinely dont understand why the nationals lyrics have gotten under my skin as much as they have. idk anyone who is so affected by them. + so much of them i cant relate to!! there are songs i can relate to e.g. rylan but many i cant + i still jst cry. the crying + my general reaction to their music feels like it comes from being overwhelmed. i guess its like the general desperate repressed claustrophobic atmosphere of his music. 

4) i went to see the glass menagerie + it was so fucking good (marty rea was in it + i love him a lot i think hes rlly good). id never seen it before but i was expecting to cry. its my fav tennessee williams play + i love laura so much. this girl i was ‘’’in love’’’’ w/ when i was a teenager made me a tshirt tht says ‘tennessee williams loves me’ on it bc id said that semi-jokingly bc laura is written so tenderly + lovingly + its clear how much love williams had for the sister she was based on + i relate so much to her. i teared up when she was showing jim her glass animals, + started properly crying when she said she was nervous she’d step on his feet + he said sth like ‘dont worry, i wont break’ (after her talking abt how fragile her glass animals were) + then when they were actually dancing i like had to like hold myself back from like sobbing. i mean not that theres any doubt over tennessee williams talent but like on a personal level this rlly showed how important + impactful i found his work bc like even tho i cry easily its usually over pretty Big things things that are obviously very sad or obviously very scary. this scene was so subtle but it still hit me so so hard. 

5) in therapy my therapist identified my inability to explain why i cry whenever we talk abt anything from my childhood even seemingly innocuous stuff, + i think its in part bc in some ways ive stopped myself from processing or feeling emotions abt my childhood @ all ever + never talk abt it w/ anyone (one of my worst habits is tht i often will lie abt my childhood even in relation to pretty basic facts jst bc i bristle @ the idea of sharing anything real w/ anyone) so when ive talked abt it openly + in depth in therapy even again if we’re talking abt an aspect of it which isnt that significant i will like instantly almost instinctively start crying. 

[ayyponine]

anyway my dad has now also read the big pdf on abuse i sent him and i feel so valid??

im finally hearing both my parents say it’s outrageous my sister’s abuse went that far for so long without them seeing it and stepping in. i sort of started crying halfway through the conversation and said i still feel an enormous amount of guilt fr not being stronger in the past or the present (eg earlier this year, when ellen wanted to stay here over the summer –> my mom says she can’t stay at our house though for my sake and should see if she can stay at our dad’s or a friend’s place –> sister stays in mexico and is PISSED at mom fr choosing my side instead of hers –> refuses to speak to my mom for MONTHS meaning my mom cant talk to or even see her one grandchild on skype for months. all because i can’t get over the way she treated us and feel unable to let her back into the same house again). he said i really shouldnt, that he, my mom and especially my sister are to blame. fr yall dutch speaking ppl my mom said before that my sister altijd al heel egoïstisch geweest is, my dad today said shes meedoogenloos en rancuneus :)))) while ive been feeling weak and ashamed and guilty and disappointed w myself for years?? ive never felt this valid in my fucking life

did i mention hes going to mexico in october and he’s planning to give her a stern talking to :))) idk what to think abt it tho im like one half extremely anxious whatever he says will only make her angrier and feel more entitled to take it all out on me (i mean, the example above clearly shows that she thinks even now i am STILL a villain and everyone who’s even a bit considerate twrds me and what’s best fr my wellbeing deserves punishment). but im also one half ���☕💁️👏👏 and finally feeling like

i mean i mentioned the thing abt her cutting contact w mom bc of choosing my side, plus i mentioned it’s hard fr me to be faced with her “happy new life w a guy and a kid in mexico live laugh love natural organic sunshine no stress xoxo :)” knowing it all started with mom and i being afraid to have her in the house (mom always getting just a bit anxious coming home frm work bc any day felt like it couldve been a day i unknowingly crossed a line to provoke another violent, possibly lethal outburst frm my sister) and agreeing to send her on a permaculture course across the atlantic to keep her happy and far away frm us, that she forced my mom to pay fr spontaneous spiritual trips she didnt have the dough for and my dad got angryyyy bc he didnt even know abt that shit :)) so it kinda feels like not only that ^ meme but also

just sort of spilling tea and sitting back as the shit she’s purposefully manipulatively done to me to wear me down finally boomerangs back to take its fucking toll on her. knowing she had it fucking coming while im finally starting to believe she has no business blaming me for her habitually shitty behaviour, that she needs to step the fuck up and take some of the fucking blame shes been deflecting because the shit SHES caused, her own words and actions, are bouncing back to bite her in the fucking ass.

one regret i do have is not adding photo proof of her being a dick even at a ridiculously young age bc at one point my dad was like “this has been going on for years, frm you were ten, eleven years old” so i wish i had preemptively added that shit as a title page image or smth. sort of like “hey anyway, check out this picture frm when she was seven and hating on her five yr old sister fr having a picture taken while it was HER first communion so i wasnt allowed to have anything :) remember we had to take it twice because she didnt want me to have anything so she stuck her hand out to ruin the shot :)) anyway”

another regret is not having found an even crazier picture. because i know theres a photo of me as a newborn being held by one of my family members while my sister just looks at me with an expression of clear and complete disgust. much like the pictures above we’ve always kind of laughed it off like “haha she really didn’t like her younger sibling taking the spotlight huh” and like it probably is just a kid being weird, we can’t say if even then, frm the start, she had decided just to fukn loathe me and it probably is just a weird and random but forgivable kid thing but damn if it isn’t poignant re: the slow build of dislike and bullying to me crashing bc of her complete hatred and long term abuse huh.

[hallelujuh]

hello yes i just finished lord of the flies (and then watched the 1963 movie immediately afterwards) & i rlly luv piggy so im gonna yell abt Just Piggy Things™ even if no one cares

piggy’s the first character we’re introduced to, after ralph ofc, so that means we’re supposed to get attached, and boy did i get attached..

ass-mar

the fact that he’s been called mean nicknames so long that his real name doesnt matter to him?? he doesnt care what hes called?? poor thing wtf??? hes like eleven hes too little for this

the Flashing Anime Glasses. especially the one w the fire when he starts laughing maniacally. same.

im talking about: “then he laughed so strangely that they were hushed, looking at the flash of his spectacles in astonishment.”

also: “’i got the conch,’ said piggy, in a hurt voice. ‘i got a right to speak.’” let him speak hes the only damn reasonable one. also stop hurting him hes been hurt enough goddamnit 

k but how much he loves ralph? and ralph is annoyed by him??? but then later he confides in him & cries over him & their friendship is my fav in the book so. they bond it just takes a while. but piggy was always good to ralph awe

“i was with him when he found the conch. i was with him before anyone else was.” he finally made a friend dont u take him from him ;-;

k speaking of the conch, in the first movie, his laugh when ralph’s blowing the horn for the first time??? aw??? a rare moment of joy in that sad ass movie?? 

‘63!film piggy is the sweetest & cutest i lob him. ‘90!film piggy was annoying as shit tho i refuse to talk about him.

in the ‘63!film when he puts his hands on his hips when jack says “shut up fatty” and then hides behind the tree when they all laugh at him.

god in the book it’s easy to forget theyre actual babies but with the movie u cant possibly forget and theyre so cute but defenseless it’s so sad

i kno these actors r like 70 or dead now but i wanna go back in time & give them a hug. especially piggy cuz hes a pouty chubby bub gOD IM SO SAD

one last note on the film before i get back to the book: the movie rlly encompassed how awkward i imagined piggy to be & i luv that. also his story time abt camberly was adorable + educational (for me, anyway)

how hurt he is when ralph tells the other boys his name, poor thing ugh :(

“’let him have the conch!’ shouted piggy. ‘let him have it!’” yes stand up for poor lil mulberry child

“piggy knelt by him, one hand on the great shell, listening and interpreting to the assembly.” hes so fuckin sweet??? hes like the mom of the island hes so nice to the littluns i luv him

and when he gets upset over the mulberry boy probably bein killed in the fire :’( hes the most sensible and the most empathetic of all the other boys. what a cinnamon roll. unproblematic fav. true neutral. 10/10. the best boy.

my second favorite line in the whole book: “then, with the martyred expression of a parent who has to keep up with the senseless ebullience of the children, he picked up the conch, turned toward the forest, and began to pick his way over the tumbled scar.” tired mama piggy lmao

he wants to make a sundial?? hes so smart aw

piggy thinking ralph’s patronizing smile was a friendly one :( :( he just wants a friendddd hes so naive & sweet im sadddd

i think it’s implied most of the other boys (particularly the choir boys & ralph) are from a nicer, more upper class part of england, &, despite his intelligence, piggy’s more lower class, judging by his cockney-esque accent (his use of ‘them’ instead of ‘those’, etc.) and also “piggy was an outsider, not only by accent, which did not matter…” idk why this is cute i dunno

“piggy arrived, out of breath and whimpering like a littlun.” me in pe. but also poor thing ;-;

“piggy sniveled and simon shushed him as though he had spoken too loudly in church.” i interpreted shushed as, like, consoled, more than, like, ‘quit crying, ya baby’, which was more what he was doing, but still…first of many cute piggy & simon interactions. i’d ship them but theyre like twelve so nah. but they cute as buddies

“this was too bitter for piggy, who forgot his timidity in the agony of his loss. he began to cry out, shrilly: ‘you and your blood, jack merridew! you and your hunting! we might have gone home-’” this hurts because if jack hadn’t gone hunting, they may have been rescued before simon or piggy died :( :( :( horrible vague foreshadowing

simon getting piggy’s glasses for him when jack throws em ;-;

simon giving his piece of meat (not a euphemism, goddamnit) to piggy.. god simons so sweet hes my second fav

“only, decided ralph as he faced the chief’s seat, i can’t think. not like piggy…he could go step by step inside that fat head of his, only piggy was no chief. but piggy, for all his ludicrous body, had brains.” why does ralph resent piggy sm. it’s like it psychically hurts him to compliment him, even just in his own head. jeez. just cuz someones fat doesnt mean they cant be smart?? the 50s were weird

“piggy came and stood outside the triangle. this indicated that he wished to listen, but would not speak; and piggy intended it as a gesture of disapproval.” aka ‘i’m mad at everyone so im gonna stand two feet away & glare at you all’ aw haha

when he tiptoes onto the triangle cuz hes done w his protesting ahaha aw

“piggy held out his hands for the conch but ralph shook his head.” idk i thought the mental image was cute. “gimme pls” “nuh uh”

what he says about the beast & life being scientific…me & piggy would be buds if he was real lmao

“ralph nodded to piggy. ‘go on. ask him.’ piggy knelt, holding the conch. ‘now then. what’s your name?’ the small boy twisted away into his tent. piggy turned helplessly to ralph..” honestly piggy & ralph are the mom & dad of the colony (jack being the asshole uncle) it’s so cute

“’that’s a clever beast,’ said piggy, jeering, ‘if it can hide on this island.’” sarcastic piggy is sarcastic

more sarcastic piggy earlier in the book: “you got your small fire all right” i lob him

indignant & shrill piggy… and his quote: “’what are we? humans? or animals? or savages?’” honestly lowkey want that tattooed

i fuckin hate jalph but admittedly jack’s jealous lil “’that’s right–favor piggy as you always do.’” is salty & gay lmao

the whole three blind mice convo…i luv

particular highlight in that scene: “’i’m scared of him,’ said piggy, ‘and that’s why i know him. if you’re scared of someone you hate him but you can’t stop thinking about him. you kid yourself he’s all right really, an’ then when you see him again; it’s like asthma an’ you can’t breathe. i tell you what. he hates you too, ralph—’” POOR BABYYY 

also “’i know about people. i know about me. and him. he can’t hurt you: but if you stand out of the way he’d hurt the next thing. and that’s me.” IN THE END ROGER’S THE ONE WHO HURTS HIM UGH :(

“’keep piggy out of danger.’” YOU ASSHOLES LET HIM DIE

piggy holding his breath until his asthma acts up & then the boys just leave him??? what dicks

“jack cleared his throat and spoke in a queer, tight voice. ‘we mustn’t let anything happen to piggy, must we?’” AND THEN YOU LET HIM D I E U SALTY BITCH QUIT IT

“piggy put on his one glass and looked at ralph. ‘now you done it. you been rude about his hunters.’ ‘oh shut up!’” why dont more ppl ship them?? compared to jalph theres nothing??? theyre like a married couple it’s precious. like i said - mom & dad of the island.

piggy getting braver & being more of a leader once jack leaves!!! im proud of him!!

“he [simon] sought for help and sympathy and chose piggy” k the two most humane & sympathetic kids on the island, and the two doomed ones, gravitate towards each other & look out for each other & it so sadd

piggy being “so full of pride in his contribution to the good of society” he didnt deserve his fate he was so good im so sad

samneric & piggy making a little mini feast for them?? thats so cute??? 

also “piggy broke into noisy laughter and took more fruit. ‘he might be.’ he gulped his mouthful. ‘he’s cracked’.” piggy u get teased for bein different why would u tease simon (behind his back too) for bein diffrent u hypocrite. noisy laughter tho aw

piggy & ralph laying by the fire & talking…ralph didnt deserve piggy honestly he wasnt even grateful until the very end for such a good friend in such a horrible situation??? ugh

“when he understood how far ralph had gone toward accepting him he flushed pinkly with pride” see? good friendship. piggy just wanted a friend & to be considered valuable. and ralph finally started appreciating him

“piggy took off his glasses, stepped primly into the water, and then put them on again.” prim: stiffly formal and respectable; feeling or showing disapproval of anything regarded as improper. idk why this is funny to me

when he gets annoyed and starts slapping the water & yelling. temper tatrum lmao. dont blame him

“piggy stirred the sand under water and did not look at ralph. ‘p’raps we ought to go too.’ ralph looked at him quickly and piggy blushed. ‘i mean–to make sure nothing happens.’ ralph squirted water again.” they’re so fuckINGN CUTE

“piggy touched ralph’s wrist. ‘come away. there’s going to be trouble. and we’ve had our meat.’“ SO MUCH OF THIS STORY WOULDVE BEEN AVOIDED IF THE OTHER BOYS ACTUALLY LISTENED TO PIGGY

“ralph sat down in the grass facing the chief’s seat and the conch. piggy knelt at his left, and for a long minute there was silence.” i luv their dynamic sm. ruler & adviser. no questions asked. ultimate loyalty. so good.

piggy trying to be all rational about simon while ralph freaks out…what a scene. also i luv how awkward their convo w samneric immediately after is

piggy wants to be rescued most and hes the one whos killed!!!! bullshit!!!! justice for piggy!!!

when ralph says piggy should write a letter to his auntie & he takes it serious & ralph laughs & piggy doesnt get it. awe.

the scene where they take his glasses ;-; u made my boi piggy hav an ass-mar attack u monsters,

PIGGY GETTIN ALL BADASS & DETERMINED & TALKING ABOUT WHAT HES GONNA TELL JACK 

“he held out the conch to piggy who flushed, this time with pride” and then “piggy sought in his mind for words to convey his passionate willingness to carry the conch against all odds.” the conch is the only constant on the island, the only dependable thing he has besides ralph, so hes so invested in it, hes pretty much deemed himself the caretaker of the conch, and it dies with him…

the scene where piggy reassures ralph & it says “the twins were examining ralph curiously, as though they were seeing him for the first time” is probably my fav scene in the entire book…it just really shows, in a couple of lines, the characters that ralph & piggy are, and what their relationship is like, and why they’re a partnership throughout the whole book. fantastic.

“’am i safe?’ quavered piggy. ‘i feel awful–’” fuckin foreshadowing, i hate it. imagine being practically blind on a cliff and then, minutes later, falling to your death. god it’s terrible.

piggy crying for ralph not to leave him actually hurts like psychically in my chest. him and simon were babies??? i know it’s fiction but kids are the sweetest things, not even fictional kids deserve to be killed so mercilessly??? im so fuckin sad

his last words…powerful and iconic.

i dont wanna talk about his death. im very sad

k ik it’s terrible but when he died his skull cracked open & his brain more or less fell out (”and stuff came out”, “with his empty head”), and thats p macabre but it’s also symbolic and genius bc when roger killed him he also took away the only thing he had going for him, the only thing that gave him superiority over the others - his intelligence. his brain. 

of course, have to end on: “ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart, and the fall through the air of the true, wise friend called piggy.” cue me shutting the book, hugging it to my chest, and sobbing

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep10 (part 2)

-Yuki’s stages of growth:

I love yuki! I used to say that yuki’s growth is the most clear & steady going, it was done with much care & involving the audience in every step. However, I now think there is sth missing from his last stage of growth. Yuki’s growth is divided into 3 stages:

Realizing his weakness ( Mom’s tohru stage), in se01 & most of se02, took way longer than it should, imo. But the ideas were well-written, the concept of needing a maternal figure is original & we connected with him a lot.

Searching for himself ( Kakeru stage & friendship) in se02, took appropriate time. well-written, gradual, clear & fulfilling.

Becoming his own person ( Machi) & (kyo: altho this new dynamics just started) in se03. very little time, hasty development.

I’ve talked abt stage 1 & 2 enough. I loved the ideas, the struggle & the writing. I had few complains about how excessive the tohru-stage was & how it could’ve been reduced to benefit both tohru & yuki without stealing anything from their growth. Now, we see the consequences of not planning yuki’s growth moderately throughout the 3 seasons. The biggest element that suffered is his stage as a normal teenage guy with normal romantic feelings to contradict his child-like stage when he needed a motherly care & support from another female his age. By the time se03 started lots of characters with their arcs not starting yet needed the spotlight! Yuki was a character in the final stage of his arc, so his entire romantic journey condensed to (a) fixing machi’s issues to create a bond: se03, e03, (b) deciding to confess the curse & feelings: se03 ep.5. Their relationship can happen off-screen as well, that’s fine, but the audience who spent 2 seasons hearing yuki’s thoughts abt realizing his struggle to acknowledge a motherly love, should have been involved in yuki’s thoughts in realizing a romantic love. All you need, is a very short access to yuki’s thoughts. Him looking at her while doing student council activities & telling us he loves her, not him grabbing her hand  thinking “ oh gotta tell her my biggest secret & test her love to me”. So, it is a shame normal teenage boy yuki in love part is missing before the confession & becoming an official couple.

-Yuki’s growth after facing kyo:

This part that is confusing me. Part of making yuki become his own person is making him face kyo & they both set their differences aside & connect. They both becoming free from the “ I hate you” that the sohma system constructed & their trauma reinforced. This is huge as you can connect it to the zodiac legend: The cat never hated the rat for tricking it & the rat was never bad. The whole legend crumbles down as the two zodiacs connect.

--During the fight: yuki was his real self: someone who cares for others with burning passion. Yuki completely dropped down any remaining attachment to his mask & was his most open & emotional stage. The boys connected in a dark dim-let hallway between their rooms. Signaling they met in the middle. Now they see eye to eye.

--After the fight: Kyo left the darkness into the sunny streets, decided to face his dad & reconcile with his past, was rewarded with the knowledge that he didn’t have anything to do with his mom’s death. He left his dad’s house determined to chase his life. Move forward. He had doubts again as he neared tohru but those doubts added humanity & realistic reluctance. You just dont go 100% strong suddenly. But it is so weird that yuki kinda regressed a little after the fight?? he stayed in the dark dim-let hallway? why? His body language confused me so much!

Yuki looked broken, hugging himself, hiding his face, head buried, exactly as he was in akito’s room in his flashbacks!!!

We hear the same voice-over from the ep opener abt mistakes & trails. The voice-over fits kyo so much but it is so weird attached to yuki now in this exact stage after the fight while he’s sad? Why is yuki sad to begin with??? Is it because yuki is the writer & she needed to comment on kyo’s state thro yuki’s voice-over? This has been done before in se02, ep14. But why attach it with sad imagery of yuki? the voice-over can be attached to him being relived, calm & collected.

Shouldn’t he be relived & liberated knowing the guy who hated him & hurt him was in reality admiring him all this time?! Shouldn’t he be proud of himself for standing up to tohru? for opening up abt his feelings?

Shouldn’t he be happy to empty his chest from the long hidden secret of admiring kyo! Shouldn’t he be clear headed now? stronger? like how kyo is stronger now?

Shouldn’t he be glad that he helped kyo get his act together. He did another person whom he presumably hate a favor just like tohru did him a favor. I’m not saying he should be happily jumping in the house, lol, but he shouldn’t be sad, too!

Why staying in the dark? Why sulking? Why having existential thoughts abt life in general until machi saved him from all that with her call.

-Kureno/ Arisa/ Akito: (the end of the non-existence triangle):

Arisa unexpectedly found out the man she loved is hospitalized. Akito tells her I stabbed him. Arisa hugs her. I’m sorry, but what? XD. Shouldn’t Arisa at least say: what? is he okay? Not judging, but why did you stab him? I mean even if Arisa is okay with akito & all, but as a first reaction that was so weirdly-written, lol. I get the need to hastily close this chapter, But I duno it could’ve been written better even with the intention of making Arisa hug akito. oh well~ moving on. Arisa says she’s sorry she wasnt in kureno’s 26 years & I was like yeah, cuz you weren’t born yet, girl! You can plan to spend the rest of your life with him, but I fail to see the romance in the sentiment of feeling left out from the life of a person older than me. I simply wasn’t born. Anyway, moving on~ He then tells her he needs to leave /break up with akito for akito’s sake! oh, kureno, you’re such a kind/fool guy, but OMG, do I wish to hear my crush/lover say he’ll break up with his ex for his ex’s sake!  I get this is Airisa thing, to love foolish/kind ppl. I get it. She appreciate that & wasn't offended. But I cant help feeling those lines weren’t romantic at all! Moving on ~again~ she then tells him, she’ll follow him & won’t say why. Teasing him that she loves him. so cute! but also such a teenage girl thing to say, so....~~ lol.. Now, really Moving on ~ He’s cute, she’s gorgeous, so, their ship sailed~

-Running towards the future: (wanting you)

The ep closed with both kyo & yuki chasing their future in union. Kyo determined but worried, yuki surprised but blushing. Machi took yuki from the darkness of his hallway to the sunny streets to give him sth, unknowingly setting their 1st date! Tohru runs away from kyo, which he responded by more determination contradicting his defeated self when tohru confessed to him in ep8. Can I say seeing kyo runs after tohru is so fulfilling after seeing him push her away! yes, tohru, give him hard time! yes, make him bend da knee, queen! XD. I guess next ep we’ll see two confessions!

I can’t say much abt yuki/machi confession as I don’t know their romantic dynamics at all, but I have no doubt the director will make yuki’s confession worthy to compensate the lack of their growth as a romantic ship! can’t wait!!

As for kyoru, oh boy~ tohru looks hurt, as expected! her eyes are tearful. Kyo has to show her the old defeated, broken & accepting-death boy is gone now! he’ll have to show her how much he wants her!  That’s the key word: “ it is crazy how much I want her” ~ the boy who thought he deserved nothing but death is now actively wanting the best girl in all anime! Miss. Tohru Honda. My girl!

Side Notes:

I appreciate the personal privacy theme in furuba: no one knows the details of any couples fights or loves except them. Hatori/kana, hatori/mayoko: except shigre the matchmaker!, tohru/kyo: except yuki heard by chance & neither tohru nor kyo talked abt their fight to anybody, but everybody knows those two fools in love, XD. Yuki/machi: kyo didnt even know yuki is thinking of someone. but then again, I dont know if machi herself knows yet. shigure/akito: ok, I’ll skip this one until I’m confident I can express/ understand it. lol

Kyo’s face as he left his dad’s house! the determination! so proud of him!! but kyo’s I’m-so-crazily-in-love face is kyo’s best face, tho. The tenderness!

I’m the girl who rolls her eyes when someone tricks me to watch a “romantic film, like The Notebook” ... Also, i’m the girl who screamed when kyo chased tohru in a typical romcom fashion! XD. Takaya-san, what did you do to me?! AAAAAAAA~~

Kyo’s questions of why? how? what? he loves abt tohru, then ahh~ I just love her... I want her~ then the “ ppl shouldn't run when getting out of hospital” are the best tension release after the scumbag dad scene! I was amused, in tears, laughing, crying, cheering & above all! so happy!

MACHI was not allowed to turn her face to the viewers the entire ep! WHY!!!!!!!! T_T. You could’ve shown me her face as she was worried that tohru is yuki’s gf. or her shock at hearing ? mom? T_T.

haru is love. haru is dumb. haru is the best. lol.

Kakeru responding with ease “ she’s his mom” is the best & most realistic thing a friend should do to his friend! XD.

Why doesn't kyo (who is rich btw) own sneakers with different colors? lol. why the exact same color! is tohru the only one allowed to change designs? XD.

Yuki’s outfit today is his best outfit! Also, if blushing yuki is yuki’s default face in his romantic time with machi! then it is so refreshing! altho, i think machi is the blusher. lol. I duno, they both blush? maybe he’s similar to how haru is? I guess, we’ll know next ep! =D

Question: what was the joke in haru’s scene abt entering the house when yuki hit him & said so crass? I dont get it..... lol

Shigure was allowed to use his old jokes abt wrecking his house. I missed those! XD

Furuba’s voice-overs are always badly implemented. Now we have two voice overs of yuki with the same content exactly: one in the ep opener & one near the end. why couldn’t one be enough? Why repeat the same speech twice? this reduces its value & hinders the animation dynamics.