#(this goes in the 'i promised myself not to stress so much about my posts being too long and just Going For It category 😅)

[procrastinatorproject]

Procrastinator's Kitchen Countdown - An Introduction

About 6-7 weeks to go (I hope)

When I came back from studying abroad a few years ago, I moved into a shared flat with a friend of mine. Finding housing in this city is a bit of a hassle, and her former flatmate left a few weeks before I returned, so the arrangement was perfect.

The flat is in the attic of a fairly old "Mehrfamilienhaus", i.e. a house with a number of units big enough for single people or small families. It's fifty steps down to the front door and another seven or so to get into the basement where the washing machine lives (woe is me!).

I like my flat! It was turned from a simple attic into an actual living space somewhat hastily in the 1950's, so the insulation isn't amazing, the doors and windows are fairly old, and it gets really hot in the summer. But it's a decent place to live and it's close to both the university and downtown areas. And because my previous flatmate had lived here for many, many years, the rent had stayed much lower than other places around town, where landlords could increase their ask every time the tenants changed - a frequent occurrence in a city full of students.

Then, four years ago, my friend finished her degree and moved to a different part of the country, which meant I was faced with a decision. I could get a new flatmate (not ideal, since I hate sharing living space with strangers and was really looking forward to living on my own again for a while), or I could try and find a smaller, cheaper place somewhere else in town. However, when I looked around, I realized that my current rent would get me a place about 2/3 the size of my current flat, and to pay less, I would barely get half the space or would have to move to the edges of town. So, I decided to stay and take the rent on myself. After all, it was "just for a short while" and "just until I finished my humanities degree and figured out where I'd go next".

Four years later, I am back in school, studying to get a BSc in computer science, and I'm unlikely to leave town, or even this flat, any time soon.

While I'm glad to have a little more certainty in my life (and finally allowing myself to switch to a career path that actually gives me so, so much joy was easily the best choice I made in the last decade), it also made me realize something: I was no longer in a holding pattern, uncertain whether I would be living in this place for six more months or six more years, and I could start making real plans to make this flat my home.

Which brings me to my kitchen.

My kitchen is pretty small, even by German standards. It's more than the tiny pantry kitchen I had when I first moved out to go to university, but it's still barely big enough to have two people in it at the same time and is nestled under the roof, with the slanted wall coming down to about knee height. The furniture and especially the appliances were already a student-flat-share inheritance when my former flatmate moved in over ten years ago. They got a new fridge when she arrived (the guys living here before had simply hung a bunch of their foods out the window in the winter after their old fridge broke down and apparently had been content with that), but the oven was already worn out at that point. By now, the bottom of the fridge keeps flooding, the sink is starting to leak, and the oven... well.

I have been wanting to bake more cakes and biscuits, and to really try my hand at baking bread for a while. But especially the latter requires you to have fairly good control over your oven's temperature, and for the longest time, my oven door wouldn't even close properly! It took an evening of intense pre-Christmas baking and food-prep to get it hot enough that the warped hinge finally decided to jump back into its original form with an almighty CLANG!, allowing me to close the door without leaving a small gap at the top.

So, about a year and a half ago, once I knew I was going to stay in this flat for the foreseeable future, I started toying with the idea of getting a new kitchen.

For those who don't know, if you rent a flat in Germany, it's maybe 50/50 whether it will come with a kitchen provided by the owner, or you have to bring in your own. Actually, I think having a pre-installed kitchen might be a lot less common than having one, but you can get lucky and buy the previous tenant's kitchen off them for a small fee, which might skew the general perception. Either way, my kitchen is one of the tenant-owned ones.

So, getting new applianves and furniture would fall entirely on my own head (and budget!). This would of course give me a lot of freedom to design it the way I want, but it also means I'll have to figure out what to do with it once I do I move out. I might be able to sell it to the next tenant, or I might even be able to take it with me wherever I move next. But this worry still made it very difficult for me to actually commit to the undertaking - which is one of the main reasons it has taken me until now to get there.

One thing that finally helped sway me was that any time I mentioned possibly getting a new kitchen to people who had actually been in and used the current one (my mother, my sister, my friends), their reaction pretty universally was: "Oh, thank god, finally!!" And as a Christmas/birthday present, my presents promised to chip in financially and help with planning and organizing.

And now, two years after deciding to stay in this flat and well over a year after first opening the IKEA kitchen planner, I Am Finally Doing It!

I have a fairly clear idea of what I want my new kitchen to look like, I have talked to the IKEA kitchen people about logistics and planning, I have created a dedicated section in Notion to keep track of all the cleaning, sorting, ordering, painting, buying, building, etc. I need to do, and I have a rough time frame.

I AM GETTING A NEW KITCHEN!!!

And I'm taking you all along for the ride!

[remcycl333]

my sp story <3

hi besties! if you've been following my blog for a while you know that i've been single for a while, partly because i like to be independent and single, and partly because i just didn't like anyone. obviously i could just manifest a guy out of thin air, but when im not confronted face to face with a crush then i just don't care about being in a relationship so i never manifested someone out of thin air lol

but then a couple of weeks ago i was at the movies with my friends, and there were couples cuddling around us and i was like "aw :( kinda wish i had a bf now." and what do we do when we feel any type of desire? we immediately fulfill ourselves, no matter how "small" the desire is! so that's what i did. i imagined for like two seconds that i was cuddling with a boy at the theaters, and then i got distracted by the movie and forgot all about it

then like 15 minutes later, a guy that i'd had a crush on four years ago randomly slid into my dms. i never pursued him four years ago bc my bff at the time had dibs on him, but we're not friends anym and haven't been for years so it was my time to shine!!!

anyway, we talk for like a week. i know this guy is funny and shit bc of when we hung out irl, but like all he's sending me are unfunny memes that don't really warrant a response. so it was kinda tough

and this is the part where you guys are going to yell at me!!! i was like oh i should use my manifestation skills and make sure this goes smoothly....but then i was like nah im just gonna go with the flow 😭😭😭 and i know you guys are like REM!!!! u manifest EVERYTHING u can't just turn it off!!!! anyway.....long story short a week into us talking this mf randomly blocks me!!!!

so im instantly like 🙄🙄 damn fine i'll manifest him back bc im stubborn and do not like being told no in my reality

so how did i do it? how did i manifest him back?

if you guys have followed me for a while, you know that i manifested an sp a couple years ago by simply affirming "i love [his name] so much" any time i'd think of him and this would conjure the feeling of the wish fulfilled. (NOT mindless affirming. i'd say it maybe two or three times to catch the feeling and then move on)

ANYWAY so that's what i did! and let me tell you....i was not "perfect" by any means 😭 in fact this manifestation really kinda opened my eyes on how EASY manifestation truly is. like i already knew how easy it was, but damn!

if you know that your desire is promised and that it is coming because you gave it to yourself in imagination (even ONCE) ... there is NOTHING that will stop it. i was gonna make a separate post on this and i tried but i just couldn't articulate it correctly so im going to try again:

it took 12 days to manifest him to unblock me and message me. im sure it would've taken a shorter amount of time if i was more disciplined with myself but it's kinda crazy bc of how UNdisciplined i was 😭 tbh i was just kinda like...unsure if i even wanted to manifest him at all bc thats how much i value my alone time and my independence lol

anyway, i always get asks from people who are stressed and anxious bc they think that in order to manifest your desire, you can never enter the state of lack ever again and that dwelling in negative thoughts will "ruin" your manifestations. but i am here to tell you IT DOES NOT MATTER!!! you do not need to be "perfect"!!!! as long as you are staying faithful to the idea that you have your desire in the 4d, it'll manifest in the 3d.

another thing i see so many people confused and stressed about is whether or not they're naturally thinking from the state. for instance, every time you think of your sp, you think from the end of being in a relationship with them, before you think of the fact that you're not together yet. and let me tell you....while this CAN happen, it's not always gonna happen and it's not necessary. let me tell you, the DAY before my sp reached out, and even the day that he did....i would catch myself thinking about how we weren't together! but the gag is....YOUR THOUGHTS DON'T MANIFEST!!!! yes, they indicate what state you're in, but the actual thoughts themselves don't mean shit!!! they don't manifest. they just don't!

so i'd shift back to the state of being my sp's girlfriend when i'd have these thoughts, but i was fully aware we were not together in my 3d and i never naturally thought of us as being together before i saw any evidence of it in my 3d. all i had was the knowing that my inner man was with my sp, and that since i'd decided i had it in imagination, it would push out into my 3d. because that's how the law works!!! and honestly, that's all you really need. you just need to know that since you gave yourself your desire in your imagination ONE TIME, it WILL manifest. and if you have a true understanding of how the law works and you've read source, you will have no trouble knowing that it will come.

you also do NOT need to be in the state of the wish fulfilled 24/7!!! at all!!!! i cannot stress this enough. and tbh i used to feel the same. i felt like i had to be aware of having my desire in imagination 24/7 or else it wouldn't come. i thought i couldn't perceive the lack or opposite in my 3d or else it wouldn't manifest (see this post about dismissing the 3d btw if u need help with that). but the gods honest truth is that all you need to do is DECIDE you have your desire in imagination & not take no for an answer & KNOW that your desire is GOING TO REFLECT IN YOUR 3D NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

and that's not to say that you wont still get anxious and have intrusive thoughts and be like "oh god what if it never manifests." like... im human and i had those human moments. but i just reminded myself that i know the law and ive proven it to myself many times and i know that it had to manifest.

anyway. back to my sp story!

so for these 12 days that im blocked (lmfao) all i did was affirm "i love [his name] so much" whenever i thought of him until i caught the feeling of the wish fulfilled. that's it. and i knew for a fact that he was mine in the 4d and therefore we'd be together in the 3d bc that's the law!

anyway on friday (5 days ago) at 8pm? im scrolling thru the ulta app and then im like "oh i havent fulfilled myself today i dont think" so i fulfilled myself for like 2 seconds and then get distracted by some product and then two minutes later i get a notif that this guy followed me and then dmed me 😭

it's funny cuz my irls don't know about the law of assumption so i sent them a screenshot and i was like "look who came crawling back" and they were like BOOOOO!!! and i was like no guys!!!!! i created the blocking and i created this like i promise we can trust him 😭😭 hahahaha

anyway. let me tell you. if you are manifesting an sp, DO NOT DO THAT SHIT IN STEPS!!!!! i mean, if you really want to, i can't stop you, but i really don't recommend it.

with my old sp (the one from two years ago) i'd always manifest contact and then get it, and then he'd ghost me and and id have to manifest contact again and it'd be a never ending cycle!!! bc i was just focusing on contact, not on how i felt or how he felt about me.

the reason i loveeee to affirm "i love my sp so much" INSTEAD OF "HE loves ME so much" is because it helps me catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled so much more. not only that, but because remember, THERE IS NO ONE TO CHANGE BUT SELF!!!! changing the way i see my sp and the way i feel about him is all i need to do. im not trying to change him and make him love me lol. this is about me and my inner reality, not him! he'll reflect whatever i am in the 4d

another reason i love affirming this is because TO ME, this is what implies we are already together. whenever im in a relationship, i always find myself laying around all giddy thinking about how obsessed with my bf i am and how i love him so much. so i emulate that when im manifesting an sp.

and it's PERFECT because by jumping straight to the end where we're already together, i don't have to focus on all the things that lead to us being in a relationship. i don't have to manifest him following me, or texting me, or asking me on a date. these things all just happen naturally bc im living in the end.

NOT TO MENTION, it naturally turns your sp into your perfect partner? like remember when i said when we were talking before he blocked me he was kinda dry and he'd just send memes that i didn't find funny? THIS DUDE DID A COMPLETE 180!!!

he's sooo funny, he is the OPPOSITE of dry, he is everything???? and im obsessed.

anyway he unblocked me and dmed me, and then asked for my number and we had such funny and cute convos and then boom 4 days later he asks me on a date and i say no (😭😭😭😭 i was busy) but i agreed to go on a date the next day and the way this boy showed pure unencumbered excitement 🥺 im obsessed

anyway im sorry this is so long? i really just wanted to share how all i did was apply what i've been preaching about on this blog for years and it worked out flawlessly! hopefully this gives you guys some good tips and maybe motivation? <3

[nipuni]

Time for an old school blog post, Hello!

Just various updates about life and shows and clothes and some photos! Adding a read more cut because I talk too much 😊

Happy equinox everyone!! The mild weather has been wonderful for daily park walks. We have been taking our meals outside as often as we can to make the most of it before summer scorches the land and all life. The longer days allow for a lot more wandering too but the imminent return of the heat is also making the longing to move up north worse by the day. We miss the choppy ocean and seaside cliffs 😭 We love the silence and the rain and the nippy sea breeze!! it's like being suspended in early spring for half the year and a rainy autumn the other half, Ideal if you don't mind humidity, but that's what wellies and flat caps are for. We have been looking for properties to rent to show up everyday so for now we lie in wait.

Speaking of nature, a few months ago we discovered a free app called Plantnet that you use to take and upload photos of plants, trees, flowers and it will identify them for you. You keep a log with their locations and can share them too to help contribute to each local biodiversity database. It feels like a pokedex for plants. There are many apps like this one to choose from too. It's been so fun learning what all these plants are called and memorizing them! I recommend it, is like a little educational side quest to take on while stretching your legs and getting some fresh air. This is not an ad I promise lmao I just think it's neat! kind of sad feeling the need to clarify that.

This weather is also making me want to start making outfit posts again! It's been so long since I made any!! my winter wardrobe is mostly long wool coats or capes and boots so the inspiration wasn't there but now I'm ready to pull out all my stuff back from under my bed storage and experiment again 👏 I've also been meaning to share some of Nicolas outfits for ages too so there is more variety, could be fun!

Speaking of clothes, lately I've grown more and more frustrated with how poorly most clothes fit me to the point where I'm considering learning how to make them from scratch. I usually have to take in the tops and hem the bottoms but most things I try on are just built weird even if I fix the size, or maybe I'm built weird! I think it may be both. Nicolas also said he would love to learn along with me so we will probably embark on that adventure soon. OH and on a short tangent, I got myself a sort of binder-like top that flattens the chest a bit and I'm loving it! I'm very flat already but what little bust I do have has always bothered me when I dress and I've found I feel a lot more comfortable in this type of top. I'm glad I tried it out so if you feel similarly you may want to give it a go too, see how it feels!

On the media side of things we have also been watching more of David Tennant's work. We are still very much in love with him to an embarrassing degree, you can probably tell if you follow me anywhere, my likes on twitter alone give me away alksjdf and Nicolas isn't any better! if he used social media his would look the same lmao.

Since my last report we have watched and absolutely LOVED "There She Goes" we already want to watch it again honestly. The family dynamics for all his characters are always so real and refreshing!! Their relationship with their wives especially are always so believable in every series we've seen, the comfort and camaraderie, the banter and just friendship! You can tell they enjoy each other's company, it feels true. I love it so much!!

We also watched "Inside man" which was..a very stressful mess but David was incredible as always, also very hot and very pitiful which is always great, and Stanley Tucci was on it! so that's also fun.

Then we rewatched season one of Good Omens and the first 4 seasons of Doctor Who, with all the extra content like the Confidentials, deleted scenes, video diaries and more, they are just so good!! our list of favourite episodes keeps growing, season four is incredible, we are loving all these seasons even more the second time around!! Now we are probably going to start watching either Classic Who or Torchwood, along with more of David's work. We were trying to pick what to watch during dinner the other day and Nicolas was like 'damn, David is not in this though, I miss him' and lmao same so now we just watch one show without him and one with him right after to cope 😂

OH we have also been doing more historical reenactment! Since the last one in the 20's we jumped back to Regency times. We have been putting our outfits together for a ball soon and hopefully another one in autumn in the UK 😊 1800 is the farthest back in time we've been yet so it's been fun doing research, finding pieces and learning the dances in class but also very hectic. I'll share more about this soon!

Then we also have a couple of 1900 events coming soon, so I'll be sharing more Edwardian looks as well, our favourite era!!

Anyway I think that's all for now, thanks for reading to whoever is doing so!! I know this is long and not a popular blogging format anymore but I enjoy it a lot, maybe some of you do too 🥰 I will reply to some messages soon, I'm so sorry I'm so bad at keeping up with those!! I've read them all and cherish every word 🥺 Thank you for supporting my art and shenanigans as always!! I hope you have a great week!!

[widebrimmedhatsblog]

I'm going to combine my reply to yours on AO3 with this, but yes, I 100% get it. People can be so rude and unappreciative and I know it's usually not on purpose but it can still be grating. Not very demure, not very mindful 😓

This is a really young fandom (not just in age specifically, but in fandom experience) and I try to remind myself of that all the time. I'm in a place now where I just scroll past in my inbox and barely take in comments like that, but I get how disappointing it can be. We work really hard on these pieces and they genuinely take a lot of our time and energy we could spend doing other things (I haven't read a book in months), so getting responses like that on a labour of love is so grating.

I feel so awkward as a writer who gets it even phrasing "I'd love to see more" in comments. It's very: I want this person to know I loved it so much I want to see more of it, but also: I don't want this person to feel pressured to do it just because I love it, I just want them to know. Even when I commented, I had in the back of my mind how many WIPs you were working on and how stressful that can be holding all of that in your head, but I don't think normal people realise.

It's like you have a million things to do but you've spent all day baking a triple layer cake with filling and frosting and all the toppings and you're exhausted and your feet hurt but you're eagerly watching someone eat the first slice...and they say "nice! have you got any biscuits?" and you're just like???

@justallihere and I always talk about starting a fandom podcast to talk about things like this and educate people and honestly, I think the world needs it. People treat writers like TikTok content creators and that's just not how it works over here.

(Also, I promise we're not girlbossing it, we're bullshitting our way through every minute of every day)

I'm annoyed that this has ruined the excitement of posting a new work for you, you should be able to bask in our shared joy after gifting us something like this. I really loved the work, truly and I can understand the lack of inclination to continue it given the little worldbuilding we've been shown. It certainly doesn't make canon-adjacent fic easy. Love that you don't like Brennan though, or have any desire to write him. He's dodgy as fuck.

As a writer, you can only write what you want to write. If you're not enthusiastic about it or inspired by it, it either won't be written at all, or the magic won't be there. If you can see where it goes but you don't want to write it then you shouldn't.

I'm so grateful for you taking on the prompt in the first place, it was a wonderful gift and the pair of them were everything I could have hoped for—Violet being her prickly self and Xaden still being a self-assured casanova? Delicious. Plus, we love a fic where Violet gets eaten out in the wilderness 😉 Welcome to the club! Should we create a 'cunnilingus in the wilderness' tag for this fandom?

You put so much thought into this whole world and it's absolutely, truly appreciated by those who matter and understand how hard the process is and what a gift it is—thank you, thank you, thank you! 🙏

Amy!!! You are so lovely, thank YOU. I get you 100000% and I didn’t feel pressured by you whatsoever. I definitely agree that people who aren’t writers just don’t get it. I got a comment this morning that was like I’d read 200k more of this, and it’s like, someone has to WRITE 200k more of it then. Two hundred thousand words are not going to fall out of the sky just because you’d like to read them. But I digress!!! There’s been a lot of joy in it too, especially in discussing the backstory with everyone. If you and Alli had a podcast I think I would go a little insane!

I personally am just not huge on writing Brennan when he’s alive because he makes NO SENSE. I feel slightly similar about the Fen & Xaden dynamic. I just prefer to write him being dead for that reason.

Again, I’m so so SO glad you specifically enjoyed the fic!! I thought about you a lot while writing it, so I’m glad that paid off.

Cunnilingus In The Wildnerness Tag!!! Absolutely. I am honored to join the club .

This made me very happy, and definitely helped me feel better about things + my reaction to them. Thank you.

[batsplat]

Not to want to get you into hot waters but one of the blogs on here shared Marc’s onboard from the 2015 sepang kick incident and I’m a bit unsure how anyone could watch that and not consider it a deliberate kick? Really don’t want anyone to get mad because I’m no expert so maybe there’s something about Valentino’s movements that allows for the “accidental” kick option but if so, what is it? Because as a layman, watching it… I wish it were possible to show that video to Valentino and make him explain exactly how that kick was not on purpose…

I think it's genuinely ambiguous! this is what's interesting about it, right - if you look at the onboards and the helicopter shots there's a decent chance that depending on what you watch you'll end up with a pretty different view on it, and it's inarguable that from certain angles it looks incredibly like a kick. it's also inarguable that whether valentino kicked marc or not, he did deliberately attempt to run him wide, which you can see was intentional by how he looks behind him just before they make contact. it's still not clean riding whichever way you look at it, which is why he got the penalty

I'm going to defer to someone else's opinion here myself (you'll find I link back to this site a lot and broadly consider it trustworthy), from a bloke who does very much believe valentino was in the wrong that weekend. this is in the aftermath of the fim requesting that honda doesn't release data which would have 'proven' valentino kicked marc in an entirely futile attempt to make the controversy die down. the piece talks first about what data like this even involves, including this bit:

the main point here is that the data isn't going to tell you whether valentino kicked him or not, because that's not something you can actually read in data. I have another ask that's vaguely related to this sitting in my drafts, but it's always been one of the most interesting elements of all the controversy in late 2015 - both sides attempting to definitively prove the unprovable with a few numbers. let's quickly bring in what arguments both sides as well as race direction made in the immediate aftermath from the post-race piece by the same author:

that's valentino's explanation, right, marc's handlebar hit valentino's knee, which caused the leg movement as well as the crash. a little more from the immediate post-race write-up:

basically, the view here is that the two bikes make contact - and as a result of where marc hits valentino, valentino's foot is dislodged from the foot peg, catching marc's handlebars in the process. again, none of this actually exonerates valentino. whether there was a kick or no kick, you are NOT allowed to run another rider off-track! whether valentino literally wanted marc to crash or not, this was always going to be a possible consequence of his actions - which he would have known was the case! it is obviously worse to kick someone, partly because it just feels like a particularly egregious offence, but there is no version of this story where valentino comes out with a clean scorecard

as the 'post-honda promising to release conclusive evidence' piece goes on to say:

of course, all this is just one bloke's view. I don't think it's unreasonable to believe that valentino did kick marc. but I also struggle to see how it's a clear cut case for the prosecution. again, however, it really is important to stress that valentino by his own admission was engaging in an extremely dubious move. the kick would be the cherry on the icing, if you will, but running another rider so wide that you are probably trying to force them to leave the track is generally not considered acceptable behaviour. the kick question is very much something everyone has to decide for themselves - or not! I still think it's the ambiguity that helps make the whole thing so interesting, that every single clash between the two of them that year still has so many unanswered questions. that both sides have their own unshakeable views of events - sometimes close to 'reality' and sometimes a little less so, sometimes reasonable and sometimes anything but. it's the subjectivity and the fallibility of the human capacity to understand events that we ourselves have experienced - it's this lack of knowability for both outsiders and insiders that makes it so endlessly fascinating and rewarding to analyse. even the two men themselves cannot completely understand what happened that day, what happened in those few seconds, and they never will. we're all in the dark, in the end

[everettswritings]

Oh my god, Everett making a contribution to the tickle community?! It must be Christmas! Anyways, I guess I should explain myself a bit. You see, whenever I see a character who’s energetic and a chaotic little gremlin my brain automatically goes “I need to completely wreck you”. Sorry, that’s just the way I am! Oh yeah, SFW INTERACTION ONLY! THIS IS NOT A KINK! I AM A MINOR! SFW! Enjoy

Ler:

Evil, very evil.

Definitely one of those lers that does more teasing than tickling, saying every phrase in the book just to drive their Lee insane

”Does that tickle?” “Wow, you’re so ticklish there!” “Coochie coochie coo!”, are just some examples. SOME. Bro’s a chatterbox

NEVER and I mean NEVER say anything like “oh not there” or whatever, he will instinctively focus ONLY on that spot

Enjoys loudly announcing your presence, especially in front of others.

”OOH! Look who it is! It’s my favorite lee!”

You know how I said he uses his puppeteering skills to make cookies do stuff? They use that to orchestrate tickle fights between others, this has especially been used on the other Beasts. They’ve probably gotten beaten up for it, too

Insanely quick, faster than Sonic the Hedgehog! It’s impossible to catch their hands

Lee:

Stupid ticklish. You’re giving me a jester boy who spends most of his couple lines of dialogue laughing, and expecting me not to headcanon him as super ticklish? Hah, no!

Light pokes are enough to get him laughing, especially his ribs(they’re his worst spot).

Squirmy and wriggly beyond belief! If they aren’t restrained, they are going to kick like a mule and punch like a gorilla.

I cannot stress enough how much this bastard SQUIRMS! He isn’t even opposed to rolling around on the ground or trying to crawl away

His laughter is at its loudest when he’s being tickled, it’s loud enough to pierce ears. Oh, he squeals, too! Have fun with that :)

Tries to shush any and all teasing, they can dish it out but they can’t take it.

Revenge tickling is also a must. They can’t handle it, they hate it, so they have to take some form of revenge

And that’s about it! I know y’all probably weren’t expecting this, or even wanting this; but I wanted it and I’m the wonder of this blog, so there. I felt the need to post something because I promised to post this weekend, and honestly this has been in the back of my mind for some time. I know y’all are probably getting sick of headcanons with no real fics, but I’m definitely going to make up for that as soon as I can! Have a good one 🫶

[kwimii999]

Life update + Blog update

So, as my blog is becoming more inactive I do want to say that I do think I will be now posting just updates/download posts only. Maybe more just downloads at this point, until I choose to quit completly.

Why though ?

To be quite honest, I'm in fact someone who tends to want to distance myself away from social media since it can be draining on me. My life's already so stressful..... but ever since I started modding the game, It's been getting worse sadly.

" So you hate us.... ? "

Woah there no I don't ! What I hate is the pressure I put on myself for the sake of making content. I'm someone who prioritize my mental health and if I see that something's hindering it well, I remove it completly... 😣 even if I'm the one who created the storm. In other words, since I chose to start modding the game and sharing what I make, I'm also giving myself the option to soft quit or completly quit.

If that ever happens, you guys will know about it, since I will tell you guys. I'm not the type to delete my content so it'll always be there if it happens.

There's other things as well

College literally slapped tf outta me, jumped on me, slapped me again and punched me to make sure Im really dying. Even summer break is not helping.

I'm overwhelmed and it feels like I've been crawling for months now.

Actual live footage of me doing the last part of default face presets project :

The back of my mind keeps telling me (I want a break, I want a break, I want a break) and I've been ignoring it but I can't anymore because I'm physically starting to feel it. I feel fatigued almost everyday and It's just too much for me overall... and the pressure I put on myself to mod the game is actually not helping righ now as well so yeah...

+ On top of everything that goes on in my life, I cannot deal with it, nope.

About new mods coming out

So of course the things that I've promised are coming out (custom presets, default face presets) but the rest of the other future mods I'll just post them whenever they're done, so no more updates/polls (even though I genuinely liked doing them😓). The reason why I won't do updates or polls is because of the pressure, it makes me feel like I need to finish it like NOW NOW NOW QUICK QUICKKKKK. And since I know my issue very well, I'll get obsessed about finishing it and not stop until Im completly dying...... don't ask me why cause we'll both be looking at eachother like :

But yeah, that's all I've wanted to say :)

[fangirlingfromdownunder]

A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 20

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader 

A/N: I just want to start by thanking everyone for all the love on this story so far. Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list. This chapter is a little heavier (as is the story going forward, but I'll include potential triggers for each chapter as relevant), so please read the TW below and only read on if you feel comfortable doing so.

Potential Trigger Warnings: no warnings

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

As the reality of making it on Broadway sets in I dedicate myself to self-improvement. I go for lengthy walks or jogs daily either before or after work depending on my shift. I call or text Jensen whenever we can, and decide to give a relationship with him a real shot. 

But, as the week goes on and he prepares to go back to Vancouver to start filming and I busy myself with night rehearsals, work at the cafe, and prep work for my classes, all while attempting to maintain a healthy sleep schedule. My contact with Jensen eventually drops back to sporadic text messages and a range of missed calls on either side. The one thing keeping me from a major meltdown is knowing my best friend will be back Sunday and I’ve already got a coffee date planned for Monday morning.

When I finally lay in bed on Saturday night, getting some much needed relaxation I scroll through my social media feed. Thanks to Jensen’s surprise stunt at the wedding and then his run-in at the barbecue joint, his face is all over my feed. I scroll through the lists of speculations about a secret girlfriend or project in New York. The adrenaline and secrecy makes me smile, but at the same time I’m terrified of the truth coming out before I’m ready. I send a few of the articles to Jensen. Minutes later he’s calling. As I answer I can hear music and other voices in the background and I instantly feel guilty for disrupting his night. 

“Hey Darlin’. Relax. I know about the posts. That’s one of the things my agent called about the other day. I’m handling it.”

“I’m sorry, did I disturb your night? You sound like you’re out. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

“I just haven’t had a chance to bring it up, but I’m here now. It doesn’t matter where else I am. You need me, so I’m here. Take a deep breath for me.”

I throw my head back on my pillow and take a deep breath, “There’s no way you’re real…”

“It makes me disappointed in my gender that you think that. It means your standards are low.”

“You don’t exactly get high standards when you’ve dated the people I have…But I really don’t want to talk or think about them. What’s your plan?”

“To treat you like my queen. Prove to you that you deserve the world and that you’re my number one.”

“I uh…I meant about the rumours…But that sounds amazing. It’s not gonna be easy, but I’m rooting for you.”

I hear another voice call out on the other end of the line, “Hey Jensen, go easy on my top shelf whiskey! And get back in here!” I figure it’s just someone else at the party or bar or wherever he is.

“I’m comin’!” He calls out before lowing his voice again, “I promise I’m gonna handle it all, so you can just focus on becoming the star I know you are.”

“Thanks. Sounds like your friends are missing you. You should get back.”

“Only if you’re sure you’re okay? No brisket?”

“No brisket, I’m okay now. I should get some sleep anyway.”

“Alright, Darlin’. Sweet dreams.”

I hang up and snuggle into my bed. 

After a long few hours in the cafe, I sit back at the counter in my apartment infront of my laptop. I fill out the digital forms to drop back to part-time study. I figure with getting fit, rehearsals, work and my new, budding relationship I just don’t have the time or mental capacity for the extra unnecessary stress and workload. And last night just confirmed in my mind that I need to focus on my mental health and wellbeing. Feeling a little disappointed but also relieved, I submit the forms and then focus on the required reading for the acting classes. 

After an hour and a half my eyes are straining and my stomach is growling, I shut my laptop and walk around the island bench to find something to eat. As I make a sandwich I keep glancing over at my face-down phone As I sit down to eat I quickly flip it over and slide up for notifications. I notice a missed call from Stella. I quickly call her back, excited to hear from her after what feels like the longest week ever. 

“Hey, Bestie! How’s married life?”

“Amazing! I’ve had the best week ever! I can’t wait to tell you everything tomorrow!”

“Abridged, please. I need a PG version, M at your worst. You can leave out the X-rated stuff, which I know there would have been plenty of.”

“That takes out 90 per cent of my week! Nah, you know what Nick’s like, we did plenty of PG-rated activities.”

“Speaking of Nick, shouldn’t you guys be enjoying your last afternoon and night before the official end of your honeymoon?”

“You would think…But Mr. Reality-check got back to reality the second we touched down. He’s busy checking mail and paying bills and then onto meal prep. I guess it’s good one of us wants to do that…”

“I’m sorry…”

“I know who I married. It’s sweet really, cause I know he’s only doing it to make the transition easier for both of us, and he knows I’ve been dying to hear your goss!”

“We agreed to talk about everything tomorrow…” I say trying to deflect as I start to pace.

“Yeah, but I’m only gonna get an hour for lunch and that includes travel time to and from the cafe. And I need more than the 45-ish minutes that we’re gonna have left. So, tell me about you and Mr Tall and Sexy.”

“There’s honestly not much to tell…We are a maybe something…a far-fetched possibility…”

“There’s a story there…You need me to come over?”

“No! No…You need to be at home with your husband. In other news! Grease? The audition YOU signed me up for…”

“No way! You got it? Who? Sandy? Frenchy?”

“Understudy…and…Female Student number three.”

“Well, you’re gonna be the best damn Female Student number three to ever bless that stage!”

“That’s the plan, but also, chances are over the six week run I’ll get at least one matinee show as the lead.”

“When that happens, I’ll be in the front row.”

“I know you will. Thanks.”

“I’m glad you got a part. I was worried I was gonna have to get you the junior HR position…”

“Broadway is where I want to be. I’m willing to work for it. It’s my first role and it’s a great position. No one lands the lead as their first role…except for probably Jensen Ackles,” I add under my breath.

“What’d he do? You always wear the blame but it’s always the guys in your life taking advantage, so what did HE do?”

“Nothing…I’ve got so much work to do before classes start this week, and I’ve got rehearsals most nights.”

“Hey, I’m your best friend. You can talk to me.”

“I’ve just got a lot to do. I’m thrilled that you had an amazing honeymoon and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. But go enjoy your night with your husband…”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“I know. Enjoy your night.”

“I plan to. Don’t get too in your head about whatever’s going on.”

I sigh and hang up. As I try my best to refocus on the text about tone and enunciation, my mind keeps wandering back to the night before and the endless rumors that I’m caught in the middle of.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Taglist: @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27, @n-o-p-e-never, @deansimpalababy,

@winchesterwild78, @kr804573, @chriszgirl92, @smoothdogsgirl

@speakinvain, @deans-baby-momma, @1967winchesterimpala

[madmilkproductionplant]

New anon here, had a thought cooking that seemed up your alley.

Medic seems like a sadistic pleasure dom, luring scout for an exam (dw they talked it over b4), but at the end he has a test to “ensure his stamina has not dropped, he must be in tiptop shape for such a young boy in his golden years.” Scout, like the true puppy boy he is stays because he wants to be good, he desperately craves positive attention after being the youngest of seven, there wasn’t a whole lotta mothers time to go around. The promise of a reward for making medic proud perks him right up, an eager little thing. With the haze starting to fog up his brain, he gets strapped down on the examination table in those 4 point restraints they use for rowdy patients.

Pathetic puppy Boy Scout craving a father figure to emulate or make proud to “make him a real true man”.

Clothes? Pulled off and bunching up at the restraints, leaving him in his boxers and those delicious knee high socks. Medic takes time to carefully unwrap the mess of an ace bandage binder, soothing aggravated skin. (Don’t do that fellow boob soldiers your poor ribs will get damaged so the tits cannot be deleted)

Crooning in that praise yet slightly demeaning voice, yall know the type. Scout had his T shot yesterday, so he’s extra easy to rile up. Being teased about the wet spot forming.

Medic goes to town, he’s got one hand on his hip and the other on those clicker counter things, eating him out like a starved man. He wants to see Scout sob, to get the front of his shirt absolutely drenched, to need to wash his coat to rid himself of the smell. Scout tastes like sugar covered oranges, a mix of being stressed and that bonk he drinks creating an addicting flavor that keeps medic coming back.

He’s got a goal, double digits for sure. Every time scout squirts he’s counting it as two. How far can they go? Can he set a record to beat next month?

After orgasm number 7 or so, Scout has crumbled. He’s moaning unabashedly, whining like the puppy he is, yelping every time his chest is touched, blush all the way down to his clavicle. He slips up, brain melting out of his ears, he can’t help it, dogs aren’t supposed to think, and calls Medic *mommy*.

It leads to Medic pausing to grab a vibrator to place against his tiny cocklet and diving in with renewed vigor.

Scout made it to 34 before he called it quits, freed from his bonds, hand running through his hair murmuring how such of a good boy he is, how strong he’s getting, how proud he is to see him let go, to let and allow his body to change under the doctors watch.

Warm bath and cuddles commence.

-🪻anon (if it hasn’t been taken)

i got this anon like a week ago and hauved so much covid about it that i had to keep it to myself for a bit lmao

god DAMN you are a fantastic writer, and you’re right this absolutely is right up my alley!! hell yeah mediscout and restraints and okay my brain is too melted now send post❗️❗️

[blackjackkent]

The Ebbs and Flows of Programming

I got a very nice shoutout from @vexacarnivorous the other day as part of their writeup of resources in the codeblr sphere. It made me smile and I very much appreciated it. <3

It also made me think a lot.

Vexa shouted me out for the fact that I offer free programming tutoring as part of my Twitch livestream - which is very true, and I welcome anyone requesting it. I love helping people, especially those just getting into the industry. If you would like to reach out to me for assistance, learning, or just chatting about code, please, please do; I am always available for it.

Anyone paying attention, though, might have noticed I haven't done my coding stream except when tutoring in a number of weeks or really posted much about coding at all. The truth is, I haven't really done much programming outside of work for several months.

I've been hesitant to term it "burnout" because it hasn't come with the hallmarks we typically associate with that word - I don't feel depressed, I don't feel resentful or stressed really. But really it is a flavor of the same thing, and I think as someone who prides myself on representing what being a developer is Really Like, I think this sort of thing bears its own round of discussion.

Sometimes you just won't want to code, and that's also okay.

I think this is a difficult thing to conceptualize when you are a new developer. In my experience, those early years in the field are full of excitement and promise. You have so many ideas and there is so much to learn and every bit of new technique or technology feels like opening a treasure trove. For years, I was the poster child for this level of enthusiasm - late nights working on side projects and coming into work with dark circles under my eyes.

And I am not for a moment saying that's a bad thing! Ride that enthusiasm train as far as it will go whenever it comes into the station. :) This is an exciting field and I love seeing anyone get excited about an idea, implement it, run with it, feel fulfilled by making it.

What I want to talk about, though, is the days when it doesn't feel like that - because you will have them. Everyone has them. Personally, I'm 34 and tired. XD Sometimes I go through periods where I just want to play video games and not think about anything after work. And just as often, the urge to work on a project eventually comes back - probably quicker when I don't force it - but it's really easy to be too hard on myself for those periods where the enthusiasm isn't there.

The reason I think this is important to discuss is that there is a LOT of stigma, spoken and unspoken, in the industry against people who leave work at work. There's the concept of the 10x engineer - a developer whose productivity and output matches that of 10 "regular" engineers, and who is constantly in the trenches. There's the vocal admiration for people who drive themselves to distraction, working 80 hour weeks to achieve their vision of some killer app, side project, or even their company's product. This is viewed as the apotheosis of developer-hood, but in truth, it's unhealthy - both for those grinding that way and those who don't want to but are stuck with the image all the same.

I struggle with this image myself. The last few months, a recurring throughline in my therapy session has been - what am I bringing to the world if I'm not producing project output All The Time. It's been a little humbling stepping into the spaces of young developers to offer my help, and realizing that they are full of that exuberance and energy when I am in a slump where I am not.

But what I want to say here, ultimately, is this, and most likely it goes for other callings as well - sometimes you will feel the fire burning within you, and sometimes you won't. Don't get caught in the trap of feeling that your worth as a person (or as a developer) comes in passionate, all-consuming output. The important thing, always, is whether you are doing work, or living life, in a way that makes you feel fulfilled. And I, for one, am proud of you (and learning to be proud of myself) no matter what that looks like.

[awesomedurraworld]

hi, I am about to speak my opinion about the most classic FMA patterns in fics.

Hello again, if you don't know me, I am sweet, I have been writing FMA since April 2022, and I have so far published 47 fics of this fandom, I am dusweet @ Ao3.

I’ve been in this fandom since late 2021 and finished Brotherhood in February 2022- ON ED’S BIRTHDAY WHICH I THINK ITS COOL.

Okay now we know basic dates, you can guess that I read too many FMA fics, and that means that I have been seeing a pattern in them. And It doesn't matter if the fic was published in 2002 or in 2023- they all share similar themes- or like, I would say headcanons??

so now I think it is time for me to talk about the things that are often written and I don't like, and One them I just reblogged a few hours ago and that's:

Roy Mustang and his paperwork.

Hold on, let's just think about it a little together. Roy Mustang, and a state alchemist, freaking Colonel at 26, Bridigal general at 30- the man is basically planning his own suicide- are you telling me THIS MAN WHO IS A SCIENTIST slacks in his job?

Like, the man wants to be Furher. The man has guilt complex, the man hates himself and is working to help his people.

It just doesn't add up in my opinion. It's funny sometimes, yes. But I just don't like how Riza keeps threatening him with a gun because he isn't doing his work when he is secretly doing it but acts as if he isn't because of the reputation he built.

You get what I mean, right?

Which brings me to point 2:

Riza Hawkeye and her gun.

Oftentimes, Riza is written in a way that she keeps threatening Roy or treating him less- again, funny at times- but the fact remains:

Riza is in this army because of Roy, and she loves him to the point that is clear if she shot him, she will shoot herself. I would say it is a case “ the man is the boss.” here because the fact is Roy is the boss. Not Riza ( even tho she is a girlboss.)

Roy is her commanding officer, she waits for his orders. Simple as that.

Again, I do see her threatening the boys with her gun, after all, she is the right-hand of Mustang, and the third higher rank on the team ( Ed being few ranks higher then her.)

Riza is a smart woman, and she chooses to follow a man she loves into hell. It's a huge thing. She is SMART. And I don't this she would have agreed to work under Roy if he was as slaking as people write him.

Point 3:

Edward Elric and the small nicknames.

I will say it and you will hate me for it- but that is called BULLYING.

“ oh but sweet- they joke with Hi-” no. No. No. No.

If they were joking with him- he wouldn't get angry after every time someone calls him small or short. Edward has a hard time as is, the stress and the guilt and the responsibility are too much, and to think someone ( like on Team Mustang who knows about his life.) goes on and dares to bully him- it freaking hurts.

Every time I see someone calling Ed “ shrimp” I get angry for him. I’ve been a victim of bullying myself, and it hurts when you get picked up over something you might be insecure about.

I called him once shrimp- in my first ever fic- and again, maybe funny at times, but after it hit me one day that Ed yelling means that he is angry. And if he gets angry and expresses that he doesn't want to be called short and people still call him that it means that they bully him. After that, I try to never do it again.

✨ headcanon here, Ed is short like that because as a kid, he didn't receive enough nutritions and enough food. Although it is known that Ed eats for himself and Al- I think even on post-promise day Ed will keep eating that way ( maybe less but the same way, because it is the way his body is surviving. Since it thinks it might go for a while without food so it wants to eat as much as it could.)

I like to think that Ed was Al’s parent and therefore he used to give Al his food since they were poor and did not have enough money or food.

Since I mentioned this headcanon, let me follow it by this:

Point 4:

Edward Elric is the one who raised Alphonse Elric and not the other way around.

I think that a lot of people go with the “ Al is more mature, Ed is childish.” mindset, which angers me.

As the oldest child, I relate to Edward in so many aspects ( besides the long hair in a braid deal.) For more than half of my day, I am in charge of my youngest siblings- feeding them, playing with them, teaching them, you get the idea. and according to my mom I started acting like a mother haha

Now that same thing should be applied to Edward. From just watching how they act and how they talk, many will judge right away and Say that Ed is the child one because he is impolite, loud and angry for nothing, and many would say that “Why can't you be just like your brother.”

i likes to think that Edward is loud and angry for these reasons:

He is protecting himself and Al from being abandoned all over again, he wants to be unloved in order not to get attached. He gets angry because anger to him is such an easy emotion to portray and be.

When he gets angry and frustrated and acts out- he is looking for attention. And that has been apparent ever since he was a child. Like, when he hits Al with the book on his head? Why? Because he wants his mother to yell at him. He tries to grasp her attention and time by acting out.

And that same tactic that he uses with Roy. If he was acting like he should be, Roy might see him for five minutes a day. But with acting out, he gets to have Roy’s attention as he yells at him.

Mature levels are different between the brothers, and it is clear how Ed has an understanding of things around them and works hard, I am not saying that Al isn't mature. It just... Ed raised Al. I think that explains everything.

Point 5:

Jean Havoc and how people write him as an idiot.

Listen, I love me some good Uncle Jean action. And I love how people write him like that- the uncle/older brother dynamic.

I think on the team he is the third oldest- Vato being the older one, then Roy, and then Jean, and so on- so say he is like, 27 (?) IT MEANS THAT HE IS A GROWN MAN, K? PEOPLE NEED TO STOP WRITING HIM AS A HORNY TEEN.

I also want to point out, that maybe Jean is looking for a woman and going out on dates as much as he could so he can find a WIFE so he can settle down with and marry and have kids.

But the fact is, Jean is smarter than he gives himself credit, and we can see that across the anime and the manga. Also, I am not sure if this fact is Canon- but one of my favorite things about this man is that he is the medic of the team.

✨My headcanon is that he was a paramedic before he joined the Army or something. I just think it suits him.

Also, if he was not smart or mature enough, Roy wouldn't have made him “ team’s officer “

I just adore him, maybe more than Hughes-

AND Speaking of Hughes

Here is Point 6:

Maes Hughes and his family obsession.

I know I know he just loves taking photos and talking about his wife and daughter- because he is just a proud man, and I love him for that. What I dislike is when someone writes him as if that is the only thing he does??

Like, have we forgotten that he is a detective? And the head of the inspection department? He has fun when he can but also he has his head leveled when needed, let's not forget that.

Think about Meas as if he is Superman ( Clark Kent.) because these two have so many similar traits.

Point 7:

Winry Rockbell and her anger issues.

I again, dislike how abusive people write winry. Abusive might be the wrong word to use here, but when someone keeps hitting you with her wrench because your prosthetic broke against your will and it gets to the point that you try to fix it instead of going to her to help you fix it-

I just think it isn't healthy. Not to mention that Winry is always written as if she does not understand the hardships that Ed and Al go through. And that might be the case - she is just a girl who sees the man she loves get injuries and she doesn't understand the whys. And I think that is why she acts the way she does. Personally, I adore Winry. I like her and her and she and Ed are cute and they are right for each other.

I just dislike how she is always written as if Ed getting injured is his fault, Y’know?

Point 8:

Izumi and how much she does not understand the things that the boys go through.

she is a wonderful woman, strong, and loves kids and her husband- my problem is how much she doesn't seem to understand Ed and Al's post they committed the taboo. She always comes at Ed and Al for joining the military without seeing the reason behind it.

That is why I found myself hating every time she comes in fics after Ed gets injured or something because she will always yell at him and acts as if it was his fault.

I only truly liked Izumi in one fic I read, which had her being Roy’s older sister- and I liked that. She was understanding while having her normal personality.

And yea, I think these are it! I just expressed my personal opinion towards things and I do have a few other ideas but these are what come to mind right now. I do enjoy reading fics even if these things were present in them- but the chances of me writing things like this are very minimal.

Tell me what you think. Do you agree or disagree with these and why? I would love to chat ❤️

[nurgletwh]

*pokes head up*

*sees the world still exists*

Huh. Look at that.

On a more serious note, having essentially dropped off the face of the earth from the perspective of almost everyone who's following me here or my works on AO3, I am alive. This was not in any great danger of changing any more than the normal (one can always get hit by a bus, for example), but it turns out I haven't been well.

My first clues probably should have been long before I found myself sleeping eighteen hours a day for 'no damn good reason,' but since there were also some extremely difficult and terrifying weeks at work and the stress that goes with it, it crept up on me.

Unlike previous times I've disappeared, it wasn't related to my mental health this time. Not that it's any better, really, because it turns out that my diabetes was creeping out of control. I wasn't monitoring the way I should have been, and I missed a doctor's appointment without rescheduling (which is terrible when you have ADHD, because fucking remembering to call someone to reschedule is damn near impossible).

Anyhow.

It turns out that chronic high blood sugar makes a person feel all sorts of crappy in vague and indistinct ways that, in and of themselves, don't really trigger a sense of 'something is wrong, I should see a doctor.' It just leaves me feeling 'bleah' and 'ugh' and unable to do anything but sleep when I stop moving.

I am so far behind on anything and everything fun. I owe everyone who has a pending comment on my works a deep and heartfelt apology. I didn't mean to disappear. I know several of you have been worried, and it turns out at least semi-rightfully so. Not that there was much any of you could do about it, which really just makes it feel worse. I apologize for any stress and worry this may have caused. I can't promise to never do it again, unfortunately, because I am:

a) human b) a human with ADHD, and c) a human who is horrible at keeping up with communication the way she should.

I want to do better; I will try to do better. I have actually managed to continue writing, albeit at an exceptionally reduced rate. That's picked up markedly in the last week or so now that my meds have been adjusted. Hopefully, it continues to pick up. However, I don't think things are quite where they need to be based on my personal blood sugar testing, but it's a strong improvement. I still don't have much energy, but when I get home after work and sit down, I only sleep for forty-five minutes to an hour, not four followed by crawling into bed for the night and still not feeling rested in the morning.

I hope to start working my way through my inbox on AO3. If you're following me here and see this before I get to your comment, hi! ♥ Know that I have read them all and they give me sparks of joy to think about, but I have been very emphatically squashing any guilt at my non-response for now. Feeling guilty is a potent anti-motivator for someone with ADHD. It makes a growing mountain that I can run away from like an Olympic sprinter, which means that the only way I will successfully get back on track is to not feel guilty or compelled, which is the opposite of how it works for many folk.

I also seem to have gotten into some fucked-up screwy mindset where my brain is telling me I have to have something ready to post (or nearly so) before I can answer comments now. Which is just... wrong. So very, very wrong. I'm working on that, too. Blood sugar fixing first, however.

Take care, everyone. I've definitely been thinking about all of you and have seriously missed having the conversations and speculations that go with successfully generating writing but also require successfully responding to comments. It's been a seriously sucky couple of months; here's hoping things improve.

♥

[endogenicredstar]

Welcome!

Hello, everyone, and welcome to our little patch of heaven! I know I made an intro post before, but I feel that it’s become outdated already. So, after this post has been submitted, the old one will be unpinned, and possibly deleted, along with the original system intro post. Because all of our info will be in this one submission! Before we begin, please keep in mind that this page is a secondary blog! As a result, we won't be able to follow back! Now, without any further delays, let’s get started!

About the Host

My name is Shane, but you can also call me Sylum! I’m 29 years old. I’m physically disabled, chronically ill, and I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and inattentive type ADHD. I’m part of the Alterhuman community, meaning that I don’t psychologically identify as a human (This can also include spiritually for some people, but not me.). More specifically, I’m primarily fictionkin. I identify as an individual member of a fictional species known as the Buma from Final Fantasy VII– even more specifically, a subspecies that I developed, called the Icicle Variant. If you’d like to know more, please feel free to message me.

My secondary kintype is shapeshifter. A paleo shapeshifter to be more precise, meaning that I can mentally shift to any extinct species at any given time. So you may wind up talking to a living, breathing dinosaur at some point.

Important Info: Due to my anxiety, I may not reach out to anyone outside the system. If you’d like to talk, please send a DM. Please be patient with me, as it may take a bit for me to respond. If anyone’s up front aside from myself, they may answer in my stead. Please be aware that some system mates aren’t social. So I apologize in advance if they come off as rude.

Now, it’s time for the fun part! Let’s meet the system!

Note: I’ve decided to use an almost sci-fi space marine/military naming theme in regards to their roles. (I’m a nerd. Shush./j) Please be aware that the guys aren’t all like their source materials.

The Red Star System

Let’s get one, very important detail out of the way: We are an Endogenic System, meaning that we don’t stem from trauma of any sort. If you would like to know about non-traumagenic plurality, please check out the ICD-11, as it’s a tad more in date than the DSM-5. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get on with member introductions!

Good afternoon! I’m Knockout, the Chief Medical Officer of the Red Star System. My job is to make sure that the host’s body is well taken care of. Everything from reminding Shane to eat, to administering medication, to checking blood sugar is my responsibility. I’m often at the front whenever Shane experiences some form of medical issue. Or, when he goes to see a human doctor. I often help him cope with medical anxiety whenever it rears its ugly head. Please note that, due to my job as a medic back home, that I may not respond to questions or comments right away. And please don’t ask me for medical advice. I may be the Chief Medical Officer here, but that doesn’t mean I know everything about human biology.

Heyya! I’m Breakdown! I’m kinda like a nurse, which is also what I am back home! I help Knockout with medical stuff in the field, and I help take care of Shane! I also double as a Security Officer. Ya know, making sure that our little guy’s safe and sound! I usually come out whenever there’s a physical problem that needs solving; like figuring out the safest place to park his chair. It doesn’t sound like much, but I promise you that it’s important work! Like Knockout, I might be busy with other things, so I might not answer right away.

Greetings. I am Starscream, the Commander– though Shane insists that rank and duty are two separate things here. Regardless, my job is to ensure our host’s physical safety, as well as maintain his psychological security. I am often at the front whenever he is under extreme stress, and needs to be removed from the situation. I am a boundary enforcer; I make sure that certain lines are not crossed. I suggest you tread carefully, unless you wish to face my wrath.

Hi there! I’m Nanaki, and I’m one of the system’s Councilors! My job is to help Shane through some psychological issues. I don’t counsel him in regards to severe problems, like his depression spikes, but I can help him with his anxiety. I can also be a listening ear if he needs to vent. Please remember that I’m considered a minor in human culture, so please don’t mention anything adult whenever I’m at the front, okay?

Name’s Cloud. I’m a Security Officer– which means that I protect Shane from anything, or anyone, that might hurt him. I’m always on the clock, so if anyone tries anything, you’ll have to deal with me.

Hola! My name is Miguel O’Hara, and I’m the system’s head Security Officer. I usually front whenever Shane feels threatened by someone/something. Or, if he’s experiencing acute distress. If anyone gets particularly outta line, it’s my job to make sure they get back in line. Because I’m my universe’s Spider-Man, and a protector of the multiverse, I might not be around all that much. However, I’ll try to respond, or post, whenever I have the time.

Sup? I'm Hawks, better known as Keigo in some circles on here. My job is to protect Shane from any perceived danger-- a Security Officer, if you will. As long as you're chill, I'm chill. Kay? I might be unavailable at times due to hero work, but rest assured: I'll post and answer any asks you send as soon as I get the chance!

Hey. My name is Kai Chisaki, also known as Overhaul. I don't really go by that anymore; it leaves a bad taste in my mouth whenever I hear it. I'm a Medical Officer I guess-- that's still up for debate though. I'm not always busy, so I'll be around more than most of the people here.

DNI IF YOU ARE:

Anti-Endo

A transphobe, TERF, Homophobe, etc.

A Pedophile/MAP.

A Zoophile.

An ableist.

Anti-Otherkin.

Anti-Fictionkin.

We hope to see you folks around some time soon! Thank you for taking the time to read all of this! We appreciate it!

[victimeyez]

HELLO I am alive (mostly) and wanted to provide a little update on life and story progress.

Okay, uh, to try to summarize a whole lot of shit, I have been insanely busy. Partner and I were hunting for a new place, got new place, all the stress of moving one place in-state and another across state lines. New place was NOT what was promised on every account and has revealed itself to be a miserable little death trap. 

Now we are living out of suitcases and boxes while voraciously hunting for a new place so we can move AGAIN. I work 45 hours + 30 min commute each way, so I have about 4 hours a day to house hunt, view houses, clean, run errands, rest, food prep, socialize, and write. I have weekends off, but I have timed obligations every day of the week. 

Because of all the craziness, writing has had to take a back seat to make way for “trying to plug a sinking ship while on it” emergency procedures. This has slowed my writing progress significantly, and I’m continuously disappointed by my progress. However, I look back on my time spent, and find none wasted. I’ve just been overwhelmed. 

I am hoping we will have the new place secured + initial move complete within the next week or two, and then we’ll be able to unpack at a more relaxed pace. I am eager to get my life back. 

As for the actual writing, I have struggled with keeping a consistent schedule due to additional factors. I lost a beta reader who contributed a lot due to an unfortunate disagreement, and my writing goes much smoother when I have a few people I can bounce ideas off of.

I also will be writing, think “oh I’m almost done”, and then get additional ideas of what I want to do and what needs to be described. At the end of the week, I usually find myself at an impasse. Do I hurry up and close the scene so I can post the chapter on time, or do I take the additional time to really write this the way I want? I want to be timely with my updates, and setting a posting schedule for myself has really helped to keep me going. It’s important to me. It is also important to me that I write a story that I enjoy writing, and a story that does not compromise on any qualities that people enjoy. If people are reading for the pain, then I want to provide indulgent scenes of pain. Would the story still be worth reading if I cut half of my ideas just so I could publish on time? I don’t know. I would hate to skip out on any qualities of the story that people enjoy reading, because that’s the whole point!

I don’t really know what to do. I don’t want to dissolve my deadlines because they have really helped keep me driven, but I also don’t want to produce rougher and shorter pieces just to try to maintain the pace. I consider all of this story to be a rough draft, and hope to better refine it later on, but I still want to show writing that has gone through significant edits and thought. 

I value the opinions of other writers and readers. I’m thinking about what I want to do to make this work better. Maybe I could do more polls and things with different ideas I have so those who would like to vote can have a say, but I don’t want to spam folks on my taglist or reveal potential spoilers to anyone who does not want them. 

Anyways, this is just to try to explain myself a little bit I guess. Comments, thoughts, messages, replies, smoke signals, and carrier pigeons are all appreciated if anyone has suggestions. Thank you, thank you so much to the people that read my little stories and put up with my erratic schedule. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it, it really means the world to me. 

TLDR;

[aita-blorbos]

[UPDATE] AITA for trying to keep my friend safe?

Hi, I have an update regarding the last post I made. First of all, I’m going to start referring to my friend as S and my brother as K. Second, people have asked me a few questions, so I thought I’d answer them here since I haven’t had a lot of time to properly respond.

How did you twist the truth? / How bad was the lie?

I had convinced S that we’d be going away temporarily. Basically, I had done some pretty messed up stuff at the time, but was trying to get better. I didn’t feel like anyone really had any faith in me to improve, and the people I thought would be understanding and supportive didn’t quite believe me, including K. I told S that he and I were going to wait for everything to calm down before he and I would return. Of course, we never did, and when he found out he was quite upset. I got him to calm down and we came to an understanding, though.

Were you his legal guardian/next of kin?

When S’s mother was killed in a hit-and-run (long story, somewhat my fault), my parents took him in. I’m the eldest sibling in the family, so this would make me his legal older brother, I suppose. Regardless of that, people seem to insist that what I did was kidnapping.

With all that out of the way, lets get to the actual follow-up.

Basically, in between then and now I decided to go to a friend’s (~24, M) house to lay low and get some supplies. Let’s call this friend R. He and I met around six years ago, and even if we don’t talk often anymore, we’re still close. He helped me find a place to live after S and I decided to go into hiding, along with helping me hide my identity (S didn’t go out often if at all, so that wasn’t a problem for him). R doesn’t know I’m wanted by the police since he lives relatively off the grid and doesn’t watch the news often.

The thing is that I hadn’t told R about why S and I were going into hiding. When everything was initially happening five years ago, I had lied to R about my situation at home in order to “explain” why S and I were injured (explanation isn’t relevant, just know that S’s injuries have nothing to do with me whatsoever). On top of my stress regarding my current situation and the fact I’m having to lie so much to R, I feel like I’m failing to keep the promise to keep S safe that I had mentioned last post. I guess my distress was pretty noticeable since R asked me about it, and I trust him a lot, so I decided to tell him the truth behind everything. I dispelled all of the lies and told him what was going on.

He reacted very, very poorly to all of this. Obviously, I’m pretty upset with his reaction, especially considering that I thought he’d be understanding of everything. We start fighting with each other, at first verbally, but when he goes to call the police it escalates into physical violence. It’s still a bit blurry for me, but a gun ends up getting involved and he and I start fighting over it. One thing leads to another and, well, I end up shooting and killing him on complete accident.

I feel absolutely awful for killing him. I had no intention of hurting him at all—I had expecting everything to go well at the start, too. But I was also within my right to not only defend myself but also keep him from reporting my location to the authorities. He definitely would’ve held me at gunpoint to keep me in place had I not tried taking the firearm from him. Still, I did kill him, even if it was unintentional.

I’m starting to think that I’ve really been fucking everything up for the last few years now, but what else could I have done other than what I ended up doing? AITA?

[creepychippy]

Self-Reflection Post

Now, before I begin, I want to point out that this isn't some sort of "I'm leaving Tumblr" or "big Changes are going to be made on this Blog" Post.

This is just something Fun I wanted to do for myself and also because I thought it would be fitting, considering it's going to be the End of the Year.

With that being said, I'll put my very lenghty Ramblings under a Cut for those curious to read.

General Stuff:

Now, I reflected what this Blog actually means to me, and the best way it describes it is something someone once on Tumblr said:

Personal Blogs are like open Diaries for you to put the Stuff you like into and People can look at it and even put their own Thoughts down as well if they want to.

I mostly reblog Memes as well as wholesome Content and occasionally post Art onto it because that is what I like. I like how Things are being run here on my Blog and I don't want to change that.

It may sound weird what I'm saying, but I also like this Blog because when the Moment comes where I have to leave this World, then there is always a Piece of me that is still here and for People to find, look at and remember me by. They can always discover what kind of Person I was if they are curious enough.

Regarding my Art:

Just with what I reblog, the Art I post here is what I personally like and enjoy. I make Art when I feel like it and post it if I want to.

I don't make Art for the Sake of gaining Attention and I like the chill Design of Tumblr (that is also why I rarely post on Instagram, since it's a Competition with the Algorithm on there in a way).

There was a Time when I was younger where I would post Art and then compare my Self-Worth with how much Attention it got, but I gradually realized that it was damaging my mental Health, even to the point where I thought about quitting Art altogether.

Don't get me wrong, I do like receiving Attention on my Art. I have Moments where I reread what People left as Tags under my Artworks because they make me happy. However, I don't prioritize receiving Attention as my #1 Goal anymore when it comes to creating Art.

While my t-worded Art receives a ton of Notes (around 80-100, sometimes even over 200), my general/personal Art barely scrapes around 7-10 Notes, sometimes 20 if I'm lucky (which I understand. If you don't create for a Fandom, it is hard to build up an Audience for Artworks they have no basic Knowledge about and therefore Interest in). I still have one Artwork on my Blog that at this point of Time has 0 Notes on it, and you know what I said to myself?

"It's okay."

Because I prioritize creating Art for my own Enjoyment first and don't pressure myself with having to create something out of someone elses Enjoyment or having to create x-Amount of Art with a Timelimit.

Again, why I like Tumblr's Design so much is because it doesn't pressure you with a Timelimit to create a certain Amount of Art, else you're thrown out of the Algorithm (which is what Instagram does).

I don't like when I'm being pressured by Time (same goes for Time Missions in Video Games), because it stresses me out.

So having the Freedom to say "I create and post when I want to" makes me happy.

About Ideas:

Often Times, I will ask my Followers "Would you like me to draw [XY Idea]?/Would you like me to draw [Idea A] or [Idea B]?/etc?" and then receive an Answer, only for me to never draw said Ideas.

There are Moments where I will feel a little bit guilty about it, but then I have to remember something: I never made a Promise to draw anything to anyone.

So I shouldn't fault myself for it, especially since I never judge anyone else for it as well. Occasionally, there were Instances where People asked me in DMs "Hey, can I make a Fanfic inspired by [one of my Ideas I posted]?" with me answering "Of course.", only for them to never create said Fanfic, and I never blamed them for anything nor was I upset about it. Because sometimes, Life gets in the way or your Energy runs out or maybe you realized just later on that you can't actually work with the Idea now that you are holding it in your Hands, and that is totally okay. It happens to all of us and we shouldn't blame ourselves for it.

Regarding the T-Word Community:

There is something funny I noticed when it comes to some of my Posts. Sometimes, when they are reblogged, People will leave a "tickle community" Tag under it (which I don't mind, just pointing out).

However, I realized that I myself don't really feel like that I am Part of this Community.

Don't get me wrong. There are People from this Community that will approach me, talk with me and interact with me.

What I meant is that I am the one that doesn't approach People from t-word Community a lot. I will have Moments where I'll have a Burst of "I should interact with these People from the Community", yet these Interactions essentially boil down to me just making a haha funny Meme or a Joke rather than having an actual Conversation.

For me, cracking Jokes and being funny is the easiest way for me to interact with someone because it's the most comfortable way which also doesn't require a lot of Effort since I mostly don't know anything about the Person I am talking to.

On top of that, since I already have a Friend Group that isn't Part of the t-word Community whom I talk to daily and love and cherish, I often forget to interact with People that are Part of the t-word Community.

I also have to mention that often, either the Chemistry between me and someone else clicks or it doesn't, which is totally okay and natural for it to happen.

Now, I am not saying all of this for People to pity me and forcefully try to interact with me after reading all of this, since that is the last Thing I want. I am saying all of this because this is something I personally noticed after reflecting on it.

While by Definition I could be considered Part of the Community, in a way it doesn't really feel like I am truly Part of it since those Interactions between People who share the same Interest as me are largely missing.

Truth be told, there were also Moments on Tumblr where Posts were made in which People talk about a ton of Creators that create t-worded Content - and I was rarely if never mentioned in them despite me by Definition having been in said Community for Years and created Posts for it. My very first Post I ever made on Tumblr was a t-worded one.

It may sound rough with what I am about to say next and People can disagree with me on this, but I am essentially an Outsider in the t-word Community as far as I know. (I am not saying that out of negative Emotions like Sadness or anything like that, but rather what I see as a Matter of Fact in my personal View.)

In a weird way, however, it gives me a sort of Freedom which I enjoy. Because for Example, People never rush to me for my Opinion when "Community Drama" happens. I never get bombarded with thousands of Requests either which I appreciate.

Again, this is not in order to gain Pity Points, but something I realized, reflected upon and acknowledge.

In Conclusion:

I like how my Blog is being run right now and how Things are going, so I'm not going to change anything about that.

As for Interactions with other People, I could try to work on them but I am also not sad if it doesn't work out and just ends up being like before.

I enjoy the Type of Freedom I have on this Blog.

[If any of you read all of this to the End, you get a Cookie- 🍪]