#(theyre going to have gay sex afterwards)

[theposhperyton]

All evidence suggests yes

[mechawolfie]

spongebob shoe squeaking sound effect

[boycannibal]

thinking now . in a beautiful anime girl scenario, right? we are in the mecha war. or whatever the fuck. im the beautiful anime girl here. i could be ground control for the mecha pilot. they hear my voice during the battle. and when its over and the mecha comes down and they get out of it i go to the dock and see them exit. theyre shaking blinking looking at me with huge eyes still not in their current reality of being just a person. because for them its just a person. a small thing. theyre a small thing forever because they know what it means to be powerful. anyway. theyre slightly in shock and me, as the beautiful anime girl in this scenario, reach out my hand to them and gently hold their cheek while saying something calming i say to them while theyre in the mech. like all vitals stable. or something. they make the connection between my voice and comfort/safety. they get a little less tense. i can feel the scars from the needles and the yucky immersion fluid on their skin. with their big scared animal eyes they look at me close to collapsing. i tell them theyre a strong girl or whatever and take care of them afterwards. clean the immersion fluid of them and ground them in reality. and after theyve come to their senses and had a big nap we have epic gay sex

[winderlylandchime]

1/3 So I was 100% sure I sent the ATX updates as well and now while going through your blog for preparation for tomorrow, I saw that I didnt. I must’ve missed it by accident because we watched this right after Gale’s interview so i was sure I sent both, my bad and I apologize in advance for the incoming spam, also hi!:

*the video starts with them walking to the building* ‘AH! BLONDIE! ITS BRI- fuck no, Gale, right? Damn it, oh damn the beard and the glasses look good!’ And the cast is now walking towards the stage ‘THATS RIGHT MY MAN GALE WAS A STAR! BLONDIEEEE! He looks the same as he did in the show. The fuck?’ Tell me why this man from a shot that lasted a second clocked that Gale probably has a cigarette pack in his front pocket and I teasingly asked what was he looking at to notice it and he goes ‘i mean….he’s just..well..mind your business’ and immediately afterwards he goes ‘he’s kinda dressed how Brian would be dressed.. but i think Brian would rather die than to have his glasses hanging around his neck..he’d have them perfectly tucked in his jean pocket so everyone knew they were expensive…i miss Brian’ He then sat back and very quietly went ‘im so happy Blondie and B-Gale are sitting together’ The lady who was hosting mentioned how QAF had a big impact on her life and he went ‘tell me about it, girl..i cant even remember what the fuck was i doing before this’ I think it’s worth mentioning that he had to rewind 3 times because he kept staring at Gale and Randy. The camera moved to show them all together and he went ‘what a time, huh? I bet they never thought they’d have their own little gay comic con moment’ ‘who is this old man? (Me: dan, he helped write the show with the other guy Ron) oh so THEY are the reason for that shit finale? You’re telling me two old white men made me sob? Well fuck both of you two! I don’t like them’ (this was said with his arms crossed like a toddler btw). There’s this moment where Dan mentions how they exceeded graphic content and Peter and Gale have a tiny moment and he pointed to them and went ‘I was robbed of their friendship!’ Every time the camera zoomed out or showed Gale/Randy, he just softly gasped and went ‘look at them’ or ‘ah my boys’ while Ron was talking about casting Randy, peter leans to gale and my brother points to that and goes ‘ohhhh theyre talking shit! I just know it’ He now learned how they cast Gale and Dan goes “and there was mr harold” and he goes ‘Look at him getting shy! Wait, he almost didnt go because he was striking? Youre telling me I got him as Brian by pure fucking luck?!’ ‘I fucking love Peter. He’s funny, (gale said something to peter while he talked about casting and he points to them and yells) THEY ARE FRIENDS! I WAS ROBBED OF THEM! *long pause* damn the beard looks good on him here’ after this Randy picked up the mic to talk about his casting and my brother just yelled ‘HE SPEAKS!’ And then the attention went on Gale and under his breath he goes ‘finally’. And immediately his reaction was ‘wow…he’s shy no matter where he is, huh? He looks as if he expected to be quiet the whole time. He’s so pretty’ Gale here mentions his ex girlfriend showing him the VHS and he goes ‘ah yes, heterosexual..forgot about that’ (Gale says he tested and thought “this will be funny”) *starts giggling like a teenage girl* ‘he’s funny..i like him a lot. He’s got like a dry humor type of thing going on, huh? Look at Blondie’s smile. Gale looks so fucking relieved to be done talking. Its okay baby, i know youre shy, this was your Vietnam (Gale goes to pick up the mic again) oh maybe I’m wrong.’ AND THIS IS WHERE GALE SAYS THE ICONIC LINE ABOUT DIVING IN WITH RANDY.. ‘i bet you did. It was deep for sure.. WAIT THE SEX SCENE WAS THEIR FIRST SCENE?! So it kinda was life imitating art.’ Peter here threw a little shade at the costumes designer ‘oh please spill on the designer. Give me the dirt about behind the scenes! I deserve to know everything after that finale’ (Peter imitates Gale) ‘LOOK AT BLONDIE! LOOK AT THAT ARM SHOVE! THATS LOVE!’ And then Randy says that it was a traumatic time for him and it shows Gale ‘look at him dying at that! Please tell me there is more of them in interviews. I need more, not to be greedy but this isnt enough’

Hello dear sweet anon! I am so sorry that traveling and being with my in-laws has taken me away from tumblr and your messages. I hope you had a good Christmas! Right now I’m wearing a mask and pulling down to take sips of my beer because my SIL has covid but we’re all staying at her place anyway.

The ATX panel is iconic. I’m dying over your brother’s anger that two old white men made him cry. AND YES I love Gale and Peter’s friendship and we were ROBBED of KinneyCutt content.

I love Gale and Randy and Peter and your brother’s reactions are so real and relatable.

[absintheancandle]

takes your gacha game sexymen and doesnt even realize theyre sexymen until its too late. like unironically i dont interact with fandom that much so i kinda just went 👀 and then i go on tumblr and go. ah. so they’re sexymen. that would make sense. not negatively tho. i still like em :)

yeah though heres some characterization ideas for my own personal use or somethin. au where i ignore how the games work and also they all survived and met up later for whatever reason. like a post-game au. or maybe no-game au? i havent thought aboutt it much yet.

these aren’t really supposed to be redesigns and moreso just. like. afterwards???? change up their looks a little to different amounts :)

more info under the cut + joseph’s design too that didnt really fit with the main post

okay sorry i don’t have much information that’s coherent but heres a lot of messy info dumping hehe i do personally think that aesol and andrew probably end up owning and working at a funeral home-type thing together. someone else has probably had this idea but i wouldn’t know. i think it’s cute either way.   aesol and edgars relationship is they’d fight each other in an alleyway at midnight and then go out and get 1900s mcdonalds afterwards.   luca actively collects people around him for fun i think. luca and edgar DO love each other but i honestly think edgar has difficulty properly attaching to people and having his feelings towards others actually consistent.   luca’s changed a lot mostly off of vibes. like i think he would’ve went yknow what this prison shirt actually kinda fucks. and just ends up looking like a guy that doesn’t 100% belong in his era but he literally has the same clothes that would be available at the time? not sure what to say there. ALSO i made his braces look a bit more like braces i think. looking at vintage leg braces is very fun :)!   andrew’s is mostly the same except more pink-based because it fits better i think?? instead of a purple flower he just gets to have flower patterning on his coat. also his coat is actually worn open now   aesol’s outfit is honestly inspired by his trickster costume only because like. jackets worn as capes FUCK like all hell dude come ON don’t even lie about that. also more flower patterning bc hehe yellow roses :) andrew and him are supposed to somewhat match edgar and victor have barely changed but i like the small changes i made :)   ALSO JOSEPH IS THERE . i didnt put him on the lineup bc the art style didn’t match 100% and made it look weird but here:  

giving joseph more updated clothing too? i might end up changing it more later on but. im obsessed with the idea of people from The Past getting accustomed to “modern day” (even if that modern day is. 1900). THINKS ABOUT HOW DELIGHTED HE’D BE TO SEE 1900S-MODERN CAMERA TECHNOLOGY. take your local 1830s weirdly tall debatably immortal man with no social skills clothes shopping! this will not go bad.

au where your guys weren’t in their proper dedicated games, all survived, and also decided to steal a hunter along the way. he is mildly disgruntled and upset about it but one (1) guy showed him a little bit of kindness (sat next to him and said nothing) and he went. i am following you now, actually. and aesols like. okay. sure i guess. everyone else is like WHY . WHERE DID YOU FIND HIM WAIT. WHY IS HE HERE   WH.    WHY

i don’t think it’d be like a “ohhh redemption he’s a soft guy now” because honestly like except for victor and somewhat luca, all these people are incredibly fucked up. why would He become more ~nice~ or whatever. theyre all just like “okay dont trap ME in a photograph and we’ll be fine.” and he’s like. fucking whatever. killjoy. what if you LIKED being in the photograph, huh? what then? bitch. except said in fancy 1830s words. mm also im making them all lgbt. bites you

(edit: apparently you cannot click to see a bigger version of this image. I DONT KNOW WHY?? i’ll probably post it individually later) victor: transmasc, gay, asexual (sex favourable) luca: polyam, omniro/sexual (masc-leaning) andrew: polyam, bi(?), aceflux, greyromantic. however i think these might change im not 100% sure on them mostly because like. he’s got issues that results in him just. Not Knowing Much. simply never thought about it aesol: polyam, nonbinary, transmasc, bi, asexual (sex neutral). edgar: transmasc, gay joseph is transmasc but i think it’s in a way where he simply never thought about it. like hes from the 1830s or something like. there was no Trans there was just simply going yknow what. actually. call me something else or i will Kill you because i have a sickass sword and am also part of nobility. like him and his twin are both trans and it was literally just like “you can’t do that, what about your image as nobility!” “okay but what about this sword i could stab you with.” also he’s definitely mlm but what kind? guess we’ll never know. that’s okay. he has a sword also giving andrew elhers danlos syndrome. he uses his shovel as a mobility aid sometimes without really realizing that’s what it is. he just leans on it a lot bc it makes him hurt less. they’re all mentally ill in different ways and some physically disabled and i love it!!

[dragonballevolution]

You know what i will send you one two even though i know the answer to most of these. 15 good luck lmao

15. Do you have any favorite ships (canon or otherwise)?

you hate me and want me to die dont you pseud

anyway stan Jimmynouncer

real answer: i'm not really a shipper tbh. ive said before that i think Goku and Vegeta SHOULD canonically have gay sex but i dont think they should be a romantic couple, which i still stand by. most of the canon couples are ok when theyre not being written really shittily, and Vegeta x Bulma IS really funny because there's something wrong with both of them.

i dont know if i necessarily ship them but i DO think that Shin was DEFINITELY flirting with Gohan during the Buu Saga. OH YEAH i like Tiencha too adn i forget what people call Goten x Trunks but thats nice too. most ships really i dont have strong opinions on other than "oh thats nice" "oh thats funny" or "i'm going to fucking kill you" tbh. SKoT x Zamasu is boring and lame to me UNLESS theyre like an ill-fated one-week fling built solely on their shared hobby of "getting on Trunks's case for time travelling" and then become the bitterest of exes afterwards, THEN its funny

remember when we did that AI generated DBZ adventure and Babidi and Mr. Satan were bitter exes and started making out? can we make Babidi x Mr Satan a thing. they can have a custody battle over Buu

[thestuckylibrary]

Group Ask 158

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Anon 1 said:

i thought i found this one shot in your married tag but i couldnt find it again when i looked :( basically steve and bucky get married when theyre kids and everything still happens and steve tells everyone hes married and bucky gets sad that steve got married and that hedidnt even tell him and he remembers marrying steve when they were little and then steve tells bucky its him that hes married to thank you if you can find it!!!

Anon sent in  Best friends and married since childhood by StuckySituation (oneshot | 1,141 | G)

lindsey-of-north sent in  Let this be light work by caughtinanocean (oneshot | 8,628 | T)

Anon 2 said:

Hi, I am having trouble finding a fic where Bucky comes home from a bad mission (people died), rims Steve and fucks him against the sink. I’ve been looking for it for a while, it’s relatively short and afterwards Steve reassures him that he can’t save everyone. Thanks

do-and-hope said:

Hi, I'm looking for a fic where Bucky leaves the Tower to go get coffee, gets hit on by a guy at the shop, and ends up asking the Avengers (sand Steve) if sexually hitting on people is how one gets dates now and do they have advice on dating. I remember his more subtle attempts at using the Avengers' advice don't work (Steve doesn't like coffee) and some of them just straight up tell Bucky to make sexual overtures like random coffeeshop dude.

Anon sent in Learn How To Bend by nerdwegian (oneshot | 6,405 | E)

Anon 3 said:

Hi do you guys know the name of the fic where Steve and Bucky are neighbors and don’t like each other at first? I remember Natasha was the landlord and Steve smoked medical marijuana. Thanks!

hellaqueerangelofthelord said:

Hi! There was a fic I read a while ago that seemingly has vanished from the interwebs :( The basic premise was a stucky x reader fic where the reader faked her death and the boys found her again. A few specific details I remember: the chapter names were all colors (I think one was peach and another was lime green), and the reader had been pregnant and then lost the baby prior to the beginning of the story, she was also a scientist with a background secret from the boys

lesbianhozier said:

hey! i’m looking for a crack-y fic set during catws where bucky keeps trying to lean in and kiss steve mid-fight. bucky doesn’t really know what’s going on, steve doesn’t know that he’s the winter soldier is bucky yet, and natasha can’t figure out what kind of fighting technique bucky is trying to pull off when he does it. thank you so much!!

Anon 4 said:

hey could you help me find the fic where its modern bucky and cap steve and bucky is at the bar with the howlies and steve is with the avengers and the howlies dare bucky (who is drunk) to go ask steve for a piggy back ride. steve has a moment of discomfort that someone comes up to him but likes that bucky respects his space even though he's drunk. i think he ends up piggy backing bucky home jsdkjhdk it was really cute 

princessniitza sent in  Save a Horse, Ride a Captain by galwednesday (oneshot |  2,708 | T)

Anon 5 said:

hi! i'm so desperate to find this fic and i'm not sure if i've sent this ask in before but if i have i apologise! it's one where bucky worked for pierce (some sort of legal profession). pierce owned an apartment building which nat + steve lived in and they used one of the rooms as a ballet studio. bucky was told that he had to to shut it down. bucky obviously falls in love with steve and they get into a fight bc bucky's unhappy w his job but won't quit (for becca). it had a happy ending!!

Anon 6 said:

I was hoping you might be able to help me find a Shrunkyclunks fic where Bucky is a musician who is performing in a bar when Steve walks in. I'm pretty sure Bucky is singing Jackie & Wilson by Hozier and he only has one arm, which Steve only notices after a while because he's so captivated by Bucky's performance. Does anyone happen to know which fic this is? Thank you!

ekeshet sent in His Arms Held All the Songs I Needed by The_She_Devil (oneshot | 40,181 | E)

ummvengers said:

hey I was wondering if you could help me find a fic. It's a highschool au and steve and bucky hate each other and i think tony makes a time travel machine and steve and bucky get sent to the future? They find out that in the future bucky loses his arm and steve gets big (in hs he was small) and they're married in the future and they have to figure out how to get back to the present.

lindsey-of-north sent in It’s All Tony’s Fault by Anxiety_Baker02 (complete | 38,245 | T)

atgirlstwobirds said:

Hi there! I was wondering if anyone knew of a preWW2 get together fic where Bucky asks relationship/sex advice from a gay guy he knows at the docks, maybe called Jack? It might’ve been called something like the sexuality crisis of 1930 but I might be getting two separate fics confused. Any help would be great!!

princessniitza sent in Bei Mir Bist Du Schoen by Laura JV (jacquez) (oneshot | 7,533 | E) - bucky/ofc

Anon 7 said:

I'm looking for two fics about Steve and Bucky but can't remember the titles! One is an modern AU where Steve is a comic book writer and Bucky is a vet with PTSD that moves downstairs. The second an AU set in the last where Steve draws naughty cartoons for money and he meets Bucky who lost his arm in the war. They move in together as roommates and slowly fall for one another.

therandomravenclw sent in To Be Vulnerable Is Needed Most Of All by perfect_plan (complete | 118,363 | M)

miraishu sent in  Through The Open Window by 74days (complete | 28,661 | E)

mischiefs-hawk said:

Hi, looking for a fic for a friend. It's modern-setting, with Peter as Steve's son. Bruce is the science teacher at Peter's school. Hope you can help!

Anon 8 said:

Um, hi? I really appreciate what you guys do, and want to say thanks for that. Ummm, I've been looking for this fic, and can't find it anywhere! It's about how the serum has... Unexpected side effects and it makes Steve really horny??? He tries to hide it, and when Bucky finds out, he's 'angry'. Uhhh, it's really good and I want to reread it. THANKS! (If you don't find it, don't worry about it, have a good day!) ((sorry if I was to vague))

dolphinqueen10 sent in Six or Seven by 13Queen (oneshot | 4,175 | E)

therandomravenclw sent in you know I'd quench that thirst by napricot (complete | 38,027 | E) - bucky/steve/peggy, steve/others

Anon 9 said:

Hi! I'm looking for a fic and it's canon-divergent TFA. Bucky falls and loses his arm but he gets found by Steve. Peggy is disappointed by how dedicated Steve is to Bucky and they kinda fall out? Bucky and Steve move back to Brooklyn. Bucky has to adjust to having one arm and both to civilian life. They get a flat together and realise they aren't happy there so they then move to California. Steve becomes an artist and they end up admitting their feelings to each other. Thank you!!!!!

Anon sent in  Malibu by glitteratiglue (oneshot | 13,065 | M)

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

CW: sex, Im hoping Wes (or Max?) can answer this if at all possible (since Im ftm). I enjoy sex and thankfully during it, or if Im really into it I don't think about dysphoria but afterwards I always feel pretty dysphoric because Im almost always the bottom (getting penetrated), or submissive if I want to get kinky. I know this is irrational given cis men can be bottoms and submissive but ya know. Sorry this isn't about being bi, most trans blogs I usually go to seem inactive rn.

Hi nonnie! It's Wes. I definitely understand the dysphoria & anxiety around this - I don't really have bottom dysphoria but I really enjoy penetration & sometimes I get social dysphoria around that even just internally (since I am not really sexual with anyone at this time). I dont want to assume but it kinda sounds like youre dating a cis man & I can imagine that would add to the dysphoria afterwards.

Are you able to talk to your partner about this? Maybe it would help if you topped and/or dommed more often during sex. I know gay culture is very Top vs Bottom(TM) but I think it's really normal to switch things up as a part of a healthy sex life. Your partner might not realize youre feeling the way you are, especially if they are cis, and end up repeating these roles because they think you really enjoy or prefer it that way and not even think about how it might be triggering some dysphoria for you. Either way I think talking to your partner about how you feel is the best step so they can consider this.

Also I think something to think about too is considering ways of being sexual that may not require penetration ? Like mutual masturbation , bringing in (more?) toys to use on each other, those types of acts/positions.

Lastly I do want to say that it might also be good to think about if you feel affirmed in your gender often ? Are the people in your life really supportive & affirm you ? Are there times you get misgendered a lot (not necessarily by ur partner or friends but just in general like at work or when u go to the store, etc.) ? A lot of times Ive found that my own general dysphoria about Being A Real Boy(TM) comes out in different ways like in overanalyzing certain things I do & worry about it not being masculine enough or that other people see it as me being a girl. That can be another thing too, is maybe reach out to your whole support system & ask for some extra gender affirmation. I think everyone gets insecure about aspects of themselves and sometimes need to reach out & be reaffirmed by their friends and loved ones that The Thing theyre so worried about is not true.

Either way I hope that you're able to find a way to alleviate that dysphoria to enjoy the sex life you have with your partner. Hope this helps !!

Wes

[wiltking]

the tempering of men ★☆☆☆☆ by sarah monette and elizabeth bear - Fantasy

the sequel to a companion to wolves is a boring slog. i was happy to focus on characters other than isolfr, and the budding consensual romance between two actually gay characters in the beginning was very promising. but after that.. nothing interesting happens. and that can be attributed to both the dispassionate writing and the weak plot strewn across bland passages of a quieter life than the first book. the ending of this book should not have been an ending, but instead a midpoint, to cut out several useless chapters and to provide room for something actually interesting to happen afterward. i want to read more about this world and its characters but this sequel is in dire need of heavy editing. i dont know how involved bear was this book but there was a significant shift in tone which makes me question if she cared about it at all. i know i said i wanted gay romance in this series, but this isnt worth it, chief. two small sex scenes and brief pining isnt romance, and anyway this whole book is a chore to read. 

another thing that bugged me was the sloppy attempt at trans representation, if it can even be called that. in this world there are "sworn-men", which are girls forced to live the rest of their lives as men. some even go through hormones and surgery. i posted the whole passage here. these arent trans men. it isnt a choice for these girls. the raise in status and quality of life might not be a bad tradeoff for some, if you dont mind having your womanhood stripped away from you. but if youre willing to include hormone treatments and gender affirming surgeries in your fantasy world i would have liked to read about actual trans men. 

there was also a race of creatures that allowed members of their clan to live as women, as “mothers”, even if they were born male. this is even considered an honorable thing to do.. but theyre still referred to with he/him pronouns. in other words, individuals who personally choose to live as women are called he/him, while the girls who have no choice but to live as men are also referred to as he/him. like.......yeah alright.  

it all seems like a well meaning attempt at trans integration in a fantasy world but ends up completely missing the mark. i wont be reading the 3rd book. 

[full list of recs]

[tears-of-boredom]

Oh god I'm reminded of all these fics. So many of the wolfstar fics morph together in my mind, especially when they all have that balcony in the dorms.("Nox" stands out) And there's this one absolutely wretched shinkami smut("Mind games") that my horny ass used to read every week like it was routine...oh god those are all probably so horrible but they are so indearing, and tbh I loved all of letsgohomehidee's works, they were the reason I stayed so long on the app, but they have this very typical wattpad tone which I finally got done with. Like, I liked "Class Prince", but reading it back without all the waiting time for chapters, it is fucking quick, bitches act like they've been in love for years when I don't think it's even been three weeks. Also the older brother plot point is just so ridiculous and expected that it's really funny. I got through "Y.O.L.O." easily, but it was kinda cringe in the end. "The Ranking System" was the last one of theirs I read. Didn't get through it at all, and only reason I even got as far as I did was by yelling at Axel to just have sex with this one blue haired guy, because his life would be so much easier that way. Alas, Axel was a pussy and didn't even sleep with his stereotypically Russian roommate, whose name i think was Vlad. He only has eyes on the clear love interest, which in hindsight was really boring. Sorry sorry, a good work on there would probably be "Pest control", there's a nb character or something, I feel like not remembering much is a green flag in wattpad works. "Morning shift", would be another good one, although i havent read either of them back with a reasonable mind. Morning shift has ice skating, and notably I didn't understand how the pharmacy the mc worked at made sense. Many people tried to help me by comparing it to american stores, didnt help, still kinda confused on that. Also the mc is autistic or something but it doesnt really matter(although their friend does kinda speak about the mc like theyre a complete child in one specific part, which kinda triggers me) "Gay chicken" was a wild one, people were constantly fighting about whether or not there was slut shaming and if the "slut" in question is a good partner for the skater boy(they both are side characters). Notably in that fic the main character wears a shirt with a Scottish flag on it, and when I was reading it I couldn't remember what the Scottish flag looked like so i had to Google it. I tried to stick with the "a broken slytherin" series because I believed that it would evolve into something better. Didn't evolve fast enough for me. The last ones I feel like are significant to me are "Aevumiter" and "The Middle Of Nowhere". I don't remeber why I liked Aevumiter, but I kept coming back to it often. Maybe I liked it cause Sirius was alive. Oh yeah it's a drarry fic lol. All the rest are originals, except where I clearly mention the fandom or ship. A broken slytherin is pretty clear with the fandom. But anyways, afterwards looking at Aevumiter, I don't think I could read it now without getting disgusted. Theres just something about going back in time so you look younger, but you have the life experience of a 34 year old man, and falling in love with someone who's the same age as your body, that doesn't sit right with me. Also they make Harry even more of a chosen one than he already was. (Have I told anyone that Radcliffe was kinda hot in those deathly hallows movies? Especially when he's in that Grey sweater leaning against that tree, or right in the duel with voldemort. Sorry for getting off track.) So about "The Middle Of Nowhere". It's a kiribaku where they both are just so depressed that it's just a fact and they have that old gas station aecthethic going around. I read it for the smut part but tbh the vibe is kinda fun also. The title does check out, although I expected it to be a little more of "nowhere" than "the middle of". That fic has all the abusive family members you could dream of mentioned, giving me kinda fan imaginary Harley in Rose Hill vibes with the nobody's innocent thing.

Yeah so that's that for this rant.

I deleted my wattpad a while ago but there's this one shinkami fic that I had saved on there and I have no idea what its name is and I don't know if i remeber my account name or password

[s3venpounds]

1-104

YA CHEEKY LITTLE CUNT love you tho because its always fun to do these asks even though everyone who reads will probs forget all these details in like the span of a week.

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

wanna go again?

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

nothing anymore

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

depends on what drugs, the severity of the side effects, the cost of said drugs, and how addicted they are to it. like if its weed sure go ahead long as it isn’t around me not a big fan of the smell. crystal meth however i would probably be turned off or just attempt to get them off it. over the counter drugs though is fine too.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? yep

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yes. horribly messed up. still think about it tbh

7. What does your last received text say? “ well i think you can just wax with whatever length but it wont be able to cling to your hair well”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? lost count too busy being happy at the time

9. Where was your last kiss at? a bus stop

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? yesterday

11. What do you drink in the morning? nothing. i dont wake up in the morning

12. Where did you sleep last night? my couch because its fucking comfier than my bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard? most def. wouldn’t have it any other way though. 

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? yeah

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

yeah, the fact we haven’t talked in months, and because i’m pretty sure she wants nothing to do with me lol

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? rainy, free shower

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? dont got a middle name so i guess yes?

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? boxing shorts 

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? ahahaha no.

20. Does anyone like you? trust me, if i knew i would do something about it

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? its rude to say but i don’t remember but from what i do remember its a no

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? not gay specifically at least from what i’ve been told by said person

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? 3 people specifically. not gonna name them

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? multiple times, talked to tattoo artists, people who had multiple tattoos, people who are first timers so yeah i want one maybe 5

25. In the past week have you cried? yeah anime hurts the feels bro

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?does pictures on tumblr count? if yes, a shiba inu, if no, golden retriever

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? out of the shower, i feel like im gonna slip and fall if i stay in there too long

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? yeah he doesn’t use lip balm often so it was kinda rough

29. Do you think you’re old? yeah

30. Do you like text messaging? most def. i like texting more than talking since i can think about my words and play it off as just “ yeah i was busy” also i find myself a better conversationalist on texts than in person

31. What type of day are you having? a shitty one but i showered so im feeling refreshed at least

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? nope, i have thought about getting spider bites on my lower lip but i dont think i can pull it off

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? cold weather, i hate bugs and indoor volleyball is nice

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?yeah

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? a relationship. flings hurt afterwards and to me theres no feelings behind it so youre left feeling empty

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? i wanna say simple but everyone knows everyones complicated. if someones simple that just means theyre not letting off everything at the get go

37. What song are you listening to? lie to me george nozuka

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? of course i do. does it mean i wont make the same mistake? nope. it just means i’ll take steps to preventing it from happening again. if it happens again then ill keep trying. all you can do when you fuck up is to just keep trying to prevent it from happening again. 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? i’d like to think so40. What made you start liking the person you like now?vibrant personality that draws you in. playful demeanor. likes geeky things like i do. has deep thoughts that make me want to ponder existence with them. likes physical intimacy. and the first thought when i saw her was that i wanted to protect her, care for her, and guide her in life if ever she needs help. 41. When did you last receive a text message? 8:43 am monday42. What is wrong with you right now? im not independent? i rely on friends and other stuff to grant me happiness when really the only source of happiness i can rely on if to draw it from myself. friends help but they can’t be the only source. i have trouble moving on from past issues, constantly weighed down by past decisions and mistakes when i should have passed it a long time ago.43. How well do you know the last female you texted? not very well however she knows me very well since i vent to her lol44. Does anyone disgust you? yeah the same 3 people i mentioned that i cannot stand.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? most likely yeah46. Are you in a good mood right now? nope. neutral if anything47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?me mother before she left for a bus shuttle to fort mac48. What color shirt are you wearing? nude. no plans today, or guests so that means no pants, no shirt and occasionally if im feeling happy enough, no underwear either49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? not recently. i have a feeling that i’ve given off the vibe to all my friends that they have to tip toe around me about a lot of topics else they’ll make me sad. i’d rather a splash of cold water in the face than some shitty lie50. Anyone you’re giving up on? myself mostly.51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? i never hate the people i used to date. i hate the decisions i made that lead to breaking up. i tend to think things are never someone else’s fault but more of mine. even if by some weird chance it wasn’t i would twist it so it was my fault. its just easier for everyone that way if people have a scapegoat.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? yeah.53. Do you like rain? i love it. sometimes on rare occasions i can almost feel the shitty person inside me just kinda slide off my skin and drip off the tips of my fingers and i feel … complete? is the best way i can put it54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? nope. party all you like, im just not too keen on drinking very often or partying very often. although when i do party ill party hard.55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? who hasnt?56. Do you like to cuddle? love it. spooning, arm on shoulder, hugging from behind, them sitting on your lap, them holding you from behind. my skin feels electric when the person i love has their skin against mine.57. Are you shy? i’d like to say im not58. Do you get along with girls? i’d like to say i do59. Have you dated the person you texted last? not going to lie hahah i considered it at some point60. What do you carry with you at all times? phone, wallet , keys.61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? yeah most likely. the economy sucks bro.62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? yeah assuming i dont fuck up lol63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?nope. sadly.64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? DAMN STRAIGHT.  shit would be like a good luck charm65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? my niece tried to say duck and instead said fuck

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? probably going to get some questionable looks from this but 16, 24, 21

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? pay for a pro, i am NOT an artistic person.   68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    zebra. black and white. leopard print makes me think a white 40 something year old with plastic surgery, hair thats half a meter tall and nails that are longer than most men’s penises talking with a southern belle accent that tries to hit on pool boys69. Do you have any stickers on your car? none70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? i hate country and im not a fan of lil wayne anymore so i guess lil wayne if i absolutely have to.71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    android 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    couple days ago?73. Do you like diet soda?    hate it. feels fake to me74. What color are the walls in your room?    boring beige75. Are you 16 or older?    yes.76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    heard of it, seen gifs, dont plan on watching it77. Do you have a job?    as of now yeah.  78. What are your initials?    SM79. Did you ever have braces?  nope.  i had retainers but i kept breaking them so my parents were like okay thats enough, its too expensive to replace them lol80. Are you from the south?  im about as north as you can get without living in igloos

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    “day barely started and 4 things putting me in a shitty mood. looks liek today is gonna be loooooooooong”82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    i wish.83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    mother. although im not on good terms with either of them. my mother just has more patience to deal with me84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?   i did pom squad which was a pretty shitty version of cheerleading i guess. 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? beauty and the beast i thoroughly enjoyed it =]    86. Do you smoke?  weed or cigarettes? either one ive stopped both. not worth it, plus i dislike smelling gross.87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    i’ve worn heels before but not for a prolonged period of time but they felt nice so i’d say hells. flip flops keep making annoying sounds and it makes me grind my teeth thinking about it88. Is your phone touch screen?    yes89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    straight. i’d love it to be a bit curly. i even permed my hair last year apparently it looked good says some friends of mine.90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    i snuck out last night lol. the family gave up on stopping me.91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    pool. rivers and lakes have the possibility of germs, leeches or other shit. its a hassle to have to take extra precautions92. Have you ever made out in a car?    yep.93. …Had sex in a car?    almost.94. Are you single or in a relationship?   single. 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    playing overwatch with my friend reo.96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    AW COME THE FUCK ON. the last relationship questions weren’t enough to jab a knife in my chest but this too? fuck. whatever. it was at capital ex or k- days whatever the fuck you wanna call it. i had fun. the fireworks wasn’t the only thing that sparked. fuck. instant bad mood.97. Do you like the camera on your phone? yeah its really good. i can take pictures of my friends and even see the condition of their pores and shit its pretty nice.   98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    nope. i’d like to try it though99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    not yet.100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?  yeah. i should really just delete my facebook.  101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?  nope.  102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    Die young103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    nope.104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? sure why not. i’d probs wear assless chaps too if i had a nice ass

[kageyasame]

updated: jojo gender + sexualities headcanon masterpost (p1?)

i can’t sleep so im gonna update the jojo queer headcanon masterpost yay

i deleted the earlier one so ,here is

[[readmore]]

so here i have 2 ideas for it

the “Everyone is Gay” universe and the “probably what would actually happen” universe

so. yeah

here we go

everyone is gay verse

or: “i can dream y know”

phantom blood

jonathan: pansexual/romantic of the “idc about gender if theyre cool im cool” flavor. polyamorous. cis dude 

erina: on the ace or aro spectrums but shes Not 100% Straight (maybe akoisexual) (akoisexual = is sexually attracted but not into sex itself). cis lady

speedwagon: homosexual/romantic to the core. cis dude

william z: aroace he just wants to fuck up these vampires. cis dude

dio: hes canonically bi but id like to add him being some kind of nonbinary (”gender is for humans. im a vampire now”) and bein on the aro spectrum (demi? which is hard since hes a sociopath) (He) (capitalization included) (im guess hes cool with they too)

battle tendency

joseph: bisexual/romantic, probly a mostly male aligned genderfluid 2 (he changes pronouns, but hes chill with he about 90% of the time so if you dont know you could use he)

suzy: she’s a lesbian (idk) (she)

caesar: im tempted to say pansexual cos of his color scheme (blue-eyed blonde with pink birthmarks) so im gonna say pansexual/romantic. also trans dude (he, duh)

pillarmen: to us theyre gay poc but lbr they have the attitude of het white guys so im just gonna say bein gay poc is like being het white in between their og Superdudes... they probably have like 83 genders anyways (cool with any pronouns lbr)

lisa lisa: bisexual (maybe that way ill have a chance w her) or like aro-spec ace (like she only lovd Joseph’s dad. maybe) (cis lady)

stardust crusaders

jotaro: asexual arospec (grayaro or quoiro). demiguy or agender idk. (i remember having typed out earlier that he could be like the opposite of akoiromantic. Like. if you tell him you like him romantically he’s up for it but if not hes not really. into the whole romance thing) (they/he)

avdol: gay,  mayb quoiro. cis

kakyoin: gay, ace-/aro-spec. genderfluid? agender? i donno boi but he aint binary. (he/they and basically any pronouns but mainly he/they and maybe xir)

polnareff: bisexual/romantic, altho mayb quoiro (if avdols quoiro).

others:

vanilla ice: gay dabadee dabaday hes gay (n cis)

mariah: feral lesbian (i donno re:gender)

hol horse: the one heterosexual/romantic who says gay shit

diamond is unbreakable

josuke: mostly-dude-aligned-but-yannow genderfluid like his old man (probably dmab lbr). polysexual/rom (into dudes + nb people) (changes pronouns but 90% of the time cool with he/they)

koichi: hes just a confused boy who doesnt really kno (dmab tho, probably) (he)

okuyasu: bisexual/romantic, trans guy (he. du)

rohan: cis gay dude, probably on aro or ace spectrums (its 330 am and i cant remember which one he called gross once, romance or sex) (he)

mikitaka: whats a gender (aroace?) (any pronouns but i usually use they for them. id say they/xir r the best personally but theyre cool w anythin)

yukako: hetero but shes trans (she)

others:

dont really have any other ideas tbh

akira was probably gay too

vento aureo

giorno: he Doesn’t Really Care (if i had to put him down id say bisexual/pansexual and aro spectrum, and nonbinary in some way? maybe?) (any pronouns except she tbh)

mista: Best Bi, trans guy (he)

trish: lesbian. i love her shes my girlfriend (she)

fugo: aro gay, dmab nonbinary (demiguy?) (he)

abba: he gay (cis? im guess) (he)

bruno: he gay 2 (dude-presenting agender, i like the idea of him being dfab but as a little kid bein like “u know what i like being a he more than being a she” and his parents rolling w that and later he realizes hes agender and goes meh i still like bein a he i just dont like bein an Actual Dude) (bonus idea he got his top surgery at like 18 and got a tattoo a while afterwards and thats the swirly thing) (either that or its lingerie and hes dmab agender. im cool with both) (he/they)

narancia: ur resident ace aro agender (or bigender/genderfluid) (he/she/they/xir/literally any pronouns)

i havent finished stone ocean yet so ill update it later

[kowlsy2]

y'all know that trope about two friends getting married at 35 bcs theyre still single? Heres my take on it w/ the dream team. Lets be real these three would get married for a meme. (posted on mobile if formatting is weird)

--

Okay, if Dream was being honest he barely remembered the conversation. Him and Sapnap were still using skype for god's sake, it happened a long time ago. Sapnap had gotten on, quiet, and just seemed out of it.

(or had it all been a joke? a stupid joke between middle schoolers??).

How it started didn't matter. The ending was the same. They were so young, but already Dream worried too much about looking cool- about looking 'right'. About not being the nerdy boy who didn't talk to girls and spent all day hutched over a computer in some dark room while his cooler classmates did all the stuff they talk about in books and movies, coming of age, whatever.

If they were both single, hopelessly single, when sapnap turned 25, they would get married.

"Ew dude dont be gay"

"I'm not gay!! I'm just saying if we got married then we could meet! and then like, I don't know help each other get girls. We wouldn't like, actually be married, it'd just be paperwork."

"Sure dude, whatever. Lets get married if we're still single in a decade and a half. theres no chance."

What a stupid meme.

--

It was a bit more of a big deal with George.

Dream never asked George about his love life-- it seemed insensitive honestly. He knew, or basically knew, that George had never really gotten close with girls. It wouldn't surprise him at all if George hadn't even had his first kiss yet. No girlfriend, no date to formals; nothing.

They were older now, Dream had been doing online school for a year at this point, George was going to uni, they were growing up. They spent more time talking then they didn't; but Dream never brought up his fumbling attempts at kissing, dating, even that ill fated attempt at 'more' at that one party.

But george brought it up, late at night, quiet as death.

"I think I'm going to die alone."

The words were funny. His tone was not.

"What are you talking about?"

"I think I'm never going to have a girlfriend."

"Did something happen? Dude that's ridiculous."

"Is it? I'm 20 and I've never had a girl even like me. I just don't think I'll ever find someone that likes me." A pause. "Nothing happened, in particular. I just was thinking about it. I'm just like- I don't know- I thought for a little that I was just going slowly, but now everyone I know, even people younger than me, everyone has had girlfriends, and sex and I'm just. Not. Doing that. No one wants to do that with me."

"I'm sure thats not true!"

"Yes it is! All the girls here, they want to date cool dudes, dudes with experience, who don't have fucking minecraft server staff meetings on friday nights instead of going out to clubs and whatever."

"Like you'd even want to date a girl who goes out and gets trashed on a friday night."

"I'd date anyone at this point. but no one would date me, much less like, marry me."

"Marry you? Dude what are you talking about, marriage is like, so far away from us"

"Not really Dream. My mum got married a year after she graduated uni, thats only a few years away. Most people get married in their 20s, and I can't even get a single date with a girl."

"Dude, worst comes to worst, if you're like, 29 and still single I'll marry you."

"Please don't joke about this"

"I'm not! If we are both single, and you're almost 30, and you still haven't found a girlfriend, I'll marry you, and they you can come live in the US, easy, and all the girls will love you for your accent if nothing else"

"ha ha ha"

"Oh, don't you be sarcasitc. I'd marry you and we could just like, be friends, and live together, and it'd be so much fun. I'd totally do it."

"oh yea, and our youtube channels will have 3 million subscribes each, and minecraft will be more popular than fortnite again."

"Georgeeee just say youllll marryyy mee"

"Fine. If I'm still single in 8 years lets get married Dream."

It was barely a meme this time. But it worked.

--

He never should have included the bit with the berries in the final video. Sapnap and George had just been so funny, it felt wrong to cut it out. Dream sometimes worried that viewers didn't understand George and Sapnaps relationship, thought that they were just both his friends, so they hung out together, but this clip finally showed that they had their own relationship, their own friendship outside of him.

Even as he was touching it up he knew he was letting them outshine him in his own video. Now it felt like the meme followed him everywhere, cutting him out of the punchline, even in his own streams.

"George! Thank you so much for grabing this bonemeal for me!"

"oH you're so welcome Sapnap! Anytime!"

"Wow george you're so kind and generous!"

"Sapnap you're so polite! and it's such a good job you're doing with the farm!"

"Thank you so much George! I'm so glad you've taken the time to let me know that I'm appreciated!"

Dream had to do something before the entire stream got derailed; he had a goal and he wasn't going to let his idiot best friends upset if.

"yes yes you're both wonderful people, so generous, ladies they are single."

Oh my god how didn't I notice! George, you're like, perfect husband material!"

"Sapnap youre also going to be amazing husband, so kind, and hardworking and-"

Chat was in shambles, Dream would need to act fast if he ever had a chance at getting them to stop.

"well if you're both such good husband material why don't you marry each other?"

That would stop them in their tracks.

"Oh Dream that's such a good idea! Sapnap, love of my life, will you marry me?"

Or not.

(Dream always forgot how much more confident George was when he wasn't the one streaming)

"Oh George! Yes! a million times yes! As soon as you come to the states!"

The meme was much funnnier this time.

--

It may have been a stupid idea. A face reveal, and a meet-and-greet and meeting George and Sapnap in person for the first time, all at the same time.

But hey, Dream wasn't famous for forthought. He was famous for cluches.

By this point (5 million subscribers oh my god) George and Sapnap getting married had been a well established meme.

Him and George hadn't ever talked about That Conversation again, but sometimes, he'd send george funny articles about people marrying to get green cards, or videos of american women swooning over British accents. (it still wasn't that much of a meme, but it seemed less likely now. They had all grown so much, become so much more sure in themselves), and sometimes George sent them to Dream as well.

He had forgotten about his conversation with Sapnap, years ago, before it all started.

But before leaving for vidcon he needed something soothing, something mindless, so he had been sorting through old accounts, deleting anything he hadn't used in years.

And he found his oldest skype account.

Of course all three of them had planned to get married to each other, like something out of a shitty fanfic.

But that didn't mean it wasn't funny.

So he bought them matching rings.

Sue him. He had the money.

Dream had planned to do it at his face reveal, but, it got much, much too chaotic fast, and he didn't think fake proposing to his two best friends would calm people down.

So he did it afterwards.

I mean he already had the rings.

"What is this?"

"Relax, dude, its a joke--mostly."

"What??"

Okay maybe it felt a little stupid when they were both looking at him.

"okay so basically-- I was looking at super old skype logs, and Sapnap, Nick, whatever, do you remember like, back in like 2014, we were both like, freaking out about not having girlfriends"

"oh wait-- yeah--"

"--so we said that if we were both single when we were 25 we would get married?"

"yeah, to like better be wingmen or whatever--"

"--so basically, here you go."

Dream slides the first box across the table. It has a ring in it, 2 rings of plain gold with a pressed ring of volcanic glass-- obsidian-- in the middle. He has a matching one on a chain around his neck, hidden, and a third in the box sitting in front of him.

He slides it over to George.

"and George I figured that all of our schemes about marrying so you could come live over here--"

"You guys were planning what?"

"-- and I think that you probably don't need to do that anymore, but I thought you might need this too. If you ever need a reason to stay in the states, well, there you go."

God he was awkward in real life.

"I don't know what to say--"

"God don't say anything-- Especially not on twitter-- But. Just. Thank you, so much. For being my friend. I can't marry both of you, and honestly, I'm pretty sure I should just wait and marry a girl for real, but. I'm so glad you both are in my life, and I hope you both stay in it for a long time. Like marriage or, something like that."

It's not a meme at all this time.

[captain-atom]

1, 5, 11, 21

sexuality & gender diversity headcanons.

1) what do you label your muse as, and how do they label themselves? is there a difference, and if so, why?

I call nate Bisexual, Transgender & sex-replused. Nate uses the bi and trans labels bc theyre comfortable for him, though he doesn’t really reflect too deeply on his sex repulsion and doesn’t really bring it up bc it’s not like, relevant in day-to-day conversation for him? It’s like weird for anyone to just openly start talking abt their relationshp w/ sex so nate doesnt bring it up unless hes with a partner and he just like, outlines it as “i’m not interested in sex but emotional intimacy and heres what im comfortable with”

5) when did your muse first become aware that they’re not cis?

He definitely always had an inkling about it, though he didn’t really get any sort of understanding till he was in high school and later met his future wife, who was also trans, and then they ended up eloping and transitioning together as soon as they graduated,,, nate got into a lot of fights on her behalf in hs dskrjasr

11) have there been other meaningful people of the same or similar identities in your muse’s life that they’ve looked for support or understanding from? how did that go, and was the impact positive or negative in the end?

his wife, mostly, whos also trans, though his bisexuality he never really thought to examine until he ended up in the future. afterwards he joins an lgbt group and starts looking up a few resources and figures things out ..... and slowly accepts his love for other men. but with angela she was the person he was going to spent his life with so he never even considered anyone else

21) what words do they reclaim, what are they okay with being reclaimed, and what do they do not want to used to describe them?

hmmmmmmmmmmmm idk he doesnt like any of the slurs, like any of them and still gets ehhhh with the q word bc of personal experience & the period he grew up in? he likes calling himself trans or transgender but thats abt it and any of the other “reclaimable” words are not things he wants people to call him or wants to say. he doesnt really call himself gay or anything even though he could as a bi man bc it just doesnt feel right to him or his identity as someone who loves all genders. nate would genuinely throw hands if anyone called him the f slur though

[makerofvoids]

[[i saw this going around and i just wanted to do it for them.

Who’s the first to wake up in the morning: it depends. i guess deakyn is more likely to get up, he has the most “gotta get up and get to work” energy in the mornings. but sometimes jarvis wakes up with a painting idea in his head and he is out of bed immediately, he just gets a coffee and starts working. but deakyn’s the most likely to be fully dressed in a three piece suit at eight in the morning.

Who’s the one to make breakfast: neither of them can really cook, so if they eat a big breakfast they order it sent up from darcy’s cafe, otherwise its just snacky stuff like granola bars and fruit and they might have cereal. jarvis can definitely get behind a sugary kids cereal.

Who’s the one to serve the other breakfast in bed: they would pretty much never do this. but deakyn gets up and makes the slightly-charmed coffee every morning.

Who would suggest a quickie in the morning before work: either one of them but maybe slightly more likely jarvis.

Who suggests they both ditch work to lay around all day: jarvis is definitely more likely to try and convince deakyn they should just lie around and be lazy all day, and theres definitely a lot of “we should ditch work and go shopping” (you do not have to twist deakyn’s arm on that one). jarvis is definitely like potions can wait another day, lets lie on the couch all day and watch netflix and eat gelato.

Who chooses the movies: jarvis is by far the more pop culture savvy since deakyn didn’t grow up with movies and tv, so he is still in the process of introducing deakyn to everything he likes. theres a lot of oh my god, i loved this movie as a kid, we have to watch it right now.

Who initiates kissing during the movie, thus distracting the other from the movie all together: probably more likely jarvis. jarvis is just the instigator most of the time. deakyn is like this is serious, i thought you said i had to watch this.

Who orders lunch: they both do. they pretty much live off takeaway so they alternate who gets to pick.

Who steals food from the other’s plate without asking: both of them. jarvis likes to try deakyn’s weird faerie-tastes concoctions and deakyn is always curious about different kinds of food.

Who curls up next to the other and falls asleep due to a full tummy: probably jarvis, since jarvis is the one most likely to eat himself into a coma.

Who distracts the other from trying to work at home: definitely jarvis. jarvis will get bored and wander over to deakyn’s side of the loft, lean on the counter and watch him make potions for a minute before being like heeeey, you should quit working and we should have sex/get food/go shopping/watch netflix. jarvis is a terrible influence. deakyn will wander over and watch jarvis paint but he wont interrupt.

Who asks to go get ice cream like a five year old, Who takes pictures of their partner eating ice cream, Who makes a sexual joke about the dripping ice cream on their partner’s face: jarvis is more likely to suggest they go out, although they go out for gelato. he would definitely take cute pictures of deakyn while they were doing it, and pictures of the two of them. probably neither of them would do that? i mean jarvis would be the one to make sexual comments but not about that specifically. plus like in what world would deakyn get gelato on his face?

Who cooks dinner: neither of them can cook, theyre both useless gays, so they live off takeaway.

Who cleans up the kitchen afterwards: theres not a ton of mess to clean up but like if they eat off real plates deakyn would be the one to put them in the dishwasher.

Who stays up until 2 reading: they both do, they read in bed together a lot. it just depends who’s super into their book at the time and who’s more sleepy.

Who stares at their partner while their sleeping: both of them for sure, they’re just still both so enamored and fascinated by each other. they both look at each other like they can’t believe they’re real. 

Who kisses their partner while they sleep: probably jarvis. i think deakyn wouldn’t disturb jarvis but jarvis would not be able to resist kissing deakyn.

[the-black-mambaa]

Journal #1

The other day my dad sent me this video of two boxers, and how one was trash talking the other and the other was just taking it without saying anything. He told me in life there will always be bullies that will try to bring me down. There will always be problems and obstacles too big to overcome. They'll tell me that I can't do it. That I should quit while I can. That I'm a loser, and that I'll never amount to anything. That's it's too hard for someone like me to succeed.

He then told me, don't let them get to you. I see a leader in you. I know you are tough and can overcome whatever is in you're way. I've always seen you like this. You're quiet, and you let people push you around until you can't take enough. You need to stay strong, and show them who is boss. I love you.

I cried. And am still crying because my life is a mess. I tried fixing things with fredy, but I don't understand why. I'm still numb emotionally. Or I think the term is unavailable. I don't know, I just know what I feel and I just feel like nothing. Like I'm simply here, but even then sometimes I don't want to be. I told fredy this but he believed that he could make things work. He understood that he fucked up when he lied the first time. And although I told him I forgave him, I don't think I really did. I haven't been able to get over it. I still feel like I'm never going to be enough. I still feel like there is something wrong with me. That no one will ever.. But I guess that's not what matters.

I tried it with fredy because I could see he was hurting without me. He wouldn't sleep at night because his guilt was eating him alive. So we started couples therapy together. I think we had one session before everything went downhill. During that session I was asked on a scale of one to ten how badly did I want to fix this. And I didn't know. Because I was doing it for his sake, not mine. I felt nothing but guilt because I could see that I am the problem for him. I was doing fine without him, I am just hurt.

But he confronted me afterwards, and told me that If I didn't want this I needed to be honest. So I was honest, I told him that I wasn't sure because I felt like I was doing it for him. But I was willing to give it a second shot. So we did. We got back together.

I was afraid of what my family would say to me when they found out. The first person I told Was my best friend Julia, who literally lives with me. She told me that she supports me, and if this makes me happy then she would support me.

Literally like a couple days later Julia and I spent the night at Fredys house. (I didn't want to go alone). And I was messing around with him and jokingly said, give me you're phone.

-Now this is a joke between us from back when things were fine. And giving phones was never an issue because we never had anything to hide.-

But he got serious and said no. And I got serious and said why not?? What are you hiding?? He insisted it was nothing, and I said if it's nothing then give me you're phone. So we swapped phones.

And I was looking thru his fb messages and I opened the conversation between him and his ex Daisy. I was scrolling from the bottom up. When I came across him bragging about how fine white girls are (I am not white) and how he had a one night stand with one.

THIS IS AN ISSUE BECAUSE I HAD SEX WITH HIM 3 TIMES AFTER WE BROKE UP!

!!!!! And when I had the suspicion earlier (before these messages) about him sleeping with someone else I confronted him but he told me no. That I was the only one.

I told myself that I didn't care, that was I was angry about was that he lied to me. Because he could have contracted an STD and given it to me. And I wouldn't have known because he told me there was no one else. REMINDER THAT HE SLEPT WITH THIS FEMALE ONE WEEK After we broke up!

So I keep scrolling because obviously I'm dealing with a LIAR. And I start reading from the top down. He's telling her about his family and how his mom cheated on his dad and how it hurt him. And how to rebel against his mom he started going out without telling her and he literally bragged about being a (and I quote) "bad boy".

He then went on to talk about how Oregon is full of bisexuals who don't believe in God. And how everyone here is going to hell. How he never wants to have kids here in oregon bevause theyre gunna turn into athiest bisexuals just like everyone else. As if being gay was a contagious disease. And he tells her, "Daisy don't ever date someone who doesn't believe in God."

-backstory: during our relationship I told him that I wasn't sure what I believed in because I was raised as a Christian but I wasn't sure what was REAL or what has been forced in my head. So he knew I was struggling. Meaning that was a direct about ME.-

He goes on to tell her about how dating someone who doesn't believe in God (me) can ruin you. He literally tells her that I was like that and that it was my fault that he doubted his faith.

THEN he goes on to tell her how I left him for another girl. She goes, she's lesbian??? And he's like no, she's bisexual like everyone else here in oregon.

.

.

.

I haven't had sex with anyone but him since our breakup. I haven't kissed anyone or anything sexual. Much less with a female. I want to, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. So the fact that he was spreading rumors and lies about me pissed me off.

So I look at him, and he's looking at me like 😨😓. And I'm like so you did sleep with someone else.

Nd he THINKS and goes, yeah.

And I'm like so... you lied to me. After you got on my ass about being brutally honest with you, you were lying to me.

Nd he goes... yeeah....

And I'm like okay.

So I get out of the messages with Daisy, and I'm about to go into the messages with his best friend Siella, when he snatches the phone from me and says uh, I need to send my drug test to my recruiter. But instead he goes thru and deletes all the messages about me. And then he gives me back the phone and says I deleted some messages but here.

Bruh.

I told him then there was no point in seeing the phone. And he wanted to talk to me about what I was feeling atm, and what was gunna happen with us.

But.

Thing is.

I didn't feel anything. I was angry at first but after a minute, I just let it go. Because why would I waste my time getting angry when I knew then that it was over. So I just told him I'd talk to him when I was ready to say what was on my mind. I didn't talk to him for two days.

The night of the second day I posted a picture of my ass in a skirt on my sinsta (@crabi_abbi) knowing fully well that he would see it. The next morning I let him know therapy was at 4pm. And he broke up with me over text saying that he couldn't with our relationship because of the picture I posted. That there were people from my school following me( I didn't even know what he was talking about until he explain that his friend was following me and I was like how was I supposed to know I thought it was a spam account I've never met the guy!) And that he couldn't date someone like me.

So I told him that he was a dick because I had so much to say but he took the easy way out and blamed it on me.

I still have so much to say to him but,

If I'm going to be honest with myself,

Does it even matter?

I feel like I am alone. And will be alone for a long time. I feel like no one will listen to me and my needs. I cut my hair thinking that maybe i would feel some way about it but I'm so numb that it was like nothing happened. I feel worse and worse everyday. This overwhelming feeling that I can't make it.

I'm drowning but do I really want to save myself? Does it even matter?