#(there's no lab at least which is good)
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Also I quit my job of what would in about a month or two have been 10 years, and perhaps now I will get to actually be a human being again.
#honestly? honestly?#last week i told the two (2) godawful egomaniac lab head Man In Academia bosses i quit and that we need to formalise it asap and i just#felt like a little feather about to float away on a breeze#maybe now i can do normal people things like eat and sleep and have a routine of some sort idk#i have been slowly losing it for at least 3-4 years now#i took a screenshot and last year i had no fewer than 14 fucking travel orders fulfilled#most of which consisted of like 12+ hour days on ships and docks#i'm just so tired man#not for reblogging obviously#i don't really wanna vent anymore or ponder them and the entire godforsaken institution but like#good riddance tbh#which is really really sad when you think about it! but here we are#it was just... no trace of future anywhere to be seen! entirely a Void!!#gonna post a beefy lesbian paladin real quick to push this post down lmao#but i felt like sharing because i know there's good and concerned people who follow me here and i both appreciate and miss you all#and lord knows some of you have been listening to me vent and whine for ages#am i going to miss some great people and the research community of my field? of course but also it was all just completely unsustainable
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when jane's powers return in season four (and because they were regained by her confronting and accepting her past, rather than being retraumatised with it!) they're stronger than they ever were. when she starts getting a handle back on them, she very quickly comes to realise not only have they affected her, but her mother, too. one of the biggest losses that came about with her losing them was the fact that she could no longer visit terry in the void; while there was no real communication there, it did allow jane to sit with her, and gain a little more connection than she could in the real world. when she first visits the void after their return, it takes her three hours to find terry, something that is both unexpected and incredibly worrying. but when she does, it's something of a miracle. jane's increased strength and control over the void actually wakes terry up from her catatonic state, but only in the void. there's no way to help her mother physically, but she does do so (unbeknownst to her) mentally. terry is reborn in jane's newfound control over the vale of shadows; she becomes the woman she once was, and while her body remains frozen in a "good dream", her mind connected to jane's own allows her some freedom. jane is able to speak to her mother in the void, is able to be held by her, and while it's still unfair and jane cannot stay in there forever, it's something. this only lasts for about eight months, as each visit slowly begins deteriorating terry's physical and mental state, and jane's health begins declining after spending hours upon hours in the void each and every day.
when jane finds out these visits are actually killing her mother on the outside, she deems to stop, but terry expresses the importance of them being able to speak, that she'd prefer to die on the outside, if it meant she could have just a few months with her daughter like this. terry and jane's connection was always so strong, which ultimately led to terry "waking up" in the void, but even jane's newfound strength cannot save her from the harsh realities. each visit nearing the end of those eight months, terry fades more and more, becomes weaker in the void, and her real body eventually gives up. jane's in the void when her mother eventually passes on, and physically feels their connection weaken, like some part of her suddenly becomes lost in the shadows, a part she'll never find again. jane falls into a depressive state for weeks after her mother's death, given she's technically lost her a second time, but soon comes to realise she was lucky to have even shared those eight months together. it was better than nothing at all. there is a proper burial and funeral, (and when jane dies, she's buried next to her mother) which allows jane some sense of closure. she never fully recovers from losing terry, nor from the fact that she never had a proper relationship with her, but she does eventually find some peace with it all.
#study‚ in my dreams it's all real and my heart has so much to reveal.#IF U SAW ME POSTING THIS YESTERDAY. no u didn't.#i wanted to change things again (who is surprised!!) and decided to just rewrite it all rip.#me taking a few weeks off from this blog and then coming back with a brand new terry / jane hc? more likely than u think.#purely self indulgent too i might add!#every day i battle with making my terry portrayal canon to jane's timeline so jane can have her mother in every verse not just#selected ones.#but. her not having her mother is ultimately important to my writing of her and sfjasfjas >:( hate myself for it.#so here be a brand new addition to my timeline that gives jane SOME time with her mother!!! bc i need it for my mental health.#i imagine when terry dies her body turns to smoke in the void. almost like what happened to billy when jane was spying on him.#and he stopped her connection and faded in front of her.#and jane also visited terry a lot in the void because it allowed her to see more memories of her mother.#i hc that she had a real grasp on that before s3 when she looks into billy's memories.#terry (even in her catatonic state) WANTED jane to see what happened to her in hawkins lab.#so she'd want her to see the good stuff too. her childhood. andrew. her grandmother that raised her and becky.#all the good memories!#so when terry dies jane loses all that completely.#which leads to jane grappling with the conflict of whether or not she should have kept visiting terry in the void which eventually led to#her death.#because if she hadn't connected to her. she'd at least be able to look back on all those memories.#jane becomes obsessed within those months and barely speaks to anyone else.#in any free time she has. she's in the void with terry.#her own physical body grows very weak after a little while but she pays no attention to it and even gets into heated arguments with becky.#because becky is jane's carer and needs her safe and healthy. needs to look after her.#but jane is so adamant about the fact that this is her MOTHER and she's finally able to speak to her.#UGH i have so much to say abt this actually i sense a brand new addition to my timeline coming on.#ANYWAY. i'm emotional about them that is all.
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show tempe gang crossover with the morris islanders would actually have been the best episode of bones ever. btw
#please ignore the rest of the tags i will just be making things up#okay they start out in carolina but at least half the episode takes place in dc. do not ask me how travel logistics would work#tory spends the entire episode off with tempe doing bone stuff. booth feels upstaged by a 16-year-old girl#so he goes and hangs out with ben who does NOT trust him right off the bat#ben ends up having to run him over to liri at some point because there's crime afoot and tom is busy. they spend most of the ride in silenc#ofc they end up bonding Eventually because they are both obsessed with crazy emotionally stunted redheads named t brennan#tory is more effective than any of the squinterns and manages to piss hodgins off so bad just by existing#coop hangs out in the lab as saroyan tries to kick him out thirty times. he just keeps showing up and she can't prove who's letting him in#(it's tempe.) angela loves tory but tory does not love angela back. saroyan tolerates her. sweets likes her but knows she's hiding somethin#comes to the conclusion that she can read her friends minds and slowly drives himself crazy because obviously that can't be true#tory brings hi along whenever she needs someone with people skills and he is MORE than happy to participate in a hodgins experiment#hi gets to be king of the lab for about ten minutes. shelton hits it off with angela immediately and they solve half the case together#booth fucking HATES hi because he's evasive and really good at the manipulation thing. booth can't win verbal sparring and he gets Big Mad#at one point the four of them are in an interrogation room together (MISTAKE) because tory had them meddling a little too close to the sun#and booth is trying so hard to question them which didn't work even when they COULDN'T read each other's minds#tory figures out who did it and hi steals her thunder a la shrek wasnt vandalized he gave birth#temperance tells tory 'i know you've got a secret sweets told me and even though i don't trust psychology i find he's insightful' etc etc#tory's like well i might be but i can't tell you it's not just my secret and you wouldn't believe me anyway#because let's be real tempe WOULDNT believe her#meanwhile saroyan convinced by sweets paranoia managed to get a sample of tory's blood and test it and is like HEY WHAT THE FUCK#gets hodgins and they just stare at the results together and delve into conspiracy theories. he's like i KNEW there were werewolves#they debate telling tempe but know it wouldnt end well for the kids and decide to get rid of the evidence. but hodgins is SO smug#also angela spends the whole episode trying to convince everyone hi and shelton are dating and no one believes her#they finally see them kiss or something and they're all somehow floored and angela's just like yeah? duh?#if anyone read this i'm sorry and why
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What's the most evil lab equipment in your opinion 😂
In my very subjective opinion? Ion chromatographs are on my shit list. It's not really their fault - the one I have to work with is old, hasn't been maintained properly, and no one else knows how to use it so I have to figure out everything myself, which is NOT FUN! It's finicky, frustrating, and it requires working with sulfuric acid, which I do not enjoy. It's very very sensitive and if you accidentally contaminate it with ions, you will be troubleshooting for weeks trying to figure out what happened. Ions are everywhere, in everything. In dust, in tap water (and nearly all filtered water, we have a special machine that makes Ultra Pure water with no ions or anything in it), on your skin, on virtually every surface that hasn't been specially cleaned. So if you have extra ions that shouldn't be there, it's a guessing game - are they from the sample? The eluent? Sample vials? Glassware? Is the water filter malfunctioning? Are the ions even there at all or is the detector messed up? You just have to keep trying stuff until it sorts itself out. The one I work with has NOT sorted itself out yet and I've been at this for over two weeks. I'm at my wit's end here.
And bonus answer for non-instrument equipment: drying tins. They're these little aluminum trays to put soil or whatever in when you stick them in the drying oven but they make Bad Noises when they scrape together. Also they bend easily, so if you stack them and then they get knocked around, sometimes it becomes very very difficult to get them apart.
In contrast, the best instrument is the Gas Chromatograph and the best other equipment is micropippettes. The GC is straightforward, easy to use, really hard to contaminate, and rarely has technical problems (plus when it does, they're not my problem - I am not the designated GC expert). Micropippettes are just fun because it's satisfying to click the button to release the pipette tip and launch it into the trash can.
#so many people would have the exact opposite opinion on instruments which is hilarious to me#gas work scares some people because you can't see it. it confuses them. meanwhile I love it. keep the wet lab stuff away from me please.#gas work has very few hazardous chemicals. anything that can hurt you at least you'll KNOW ABOUT IT! it's not sneaky and insidious#i don't have to wear gloves. i don't have to think super hard about possible contaminants. i don't have to do dishes.#the gc makes good noises#the ic requires sulfuric acid and is perpetually angry. plus it makes me come in on saturdays sometimes to turn it off. not nice.#thank you for asking this is fun!#asks#hylian rambles#hylian does science
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having to tell clients i'm doing alright when they ask how i'm doing while the republicans are about to control the whole entire united states government
#if i go back to school for sterile processing i can get a straight to residency visa in nz if i get a job offer there#they also want cattle farm people which is basically the only thing my degree would be good for except i don't like cows and haven't#actually worked on a cattle farm before. other plausible options include medical imaging or lab tech things but obviously would need to go#back to school for any of this#also you have to make at least the median wage which is nzd $66000#i'm not sure how plausible it really is but i think it's probably equally difficult to move to most places#also who wants americans......i would understand if every other country had an american ban to be honest#me
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#lab notes#old web#<- sorry thats my catchall tag for this sort of stuff#anyways i cant wait for social media to die as a concept#humans were not meant to be interacting with this many people at once and being faced with so many differing opinions with nothing to conne#t us together#idk what will come next but forums were a damn good way to have people with familiar interest come together and not have to face the sea of#social media bullshit.#dont get me wrong they were not perfect. not by a long shot.#but GOD. at least they fostered conversation and genuine human connection.#unlike social media which is just. 'post the most outrageous thing to farm rage engagement.'#'assume everyone is acting in bad faith at all times. also assume the worst of someone if they like a thing that makes you uncomfortable.'#i hate the modern internet so fucking much.#i miss when 'dont feed the trolls' was common adage#old man yells at the cloud
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ash’s sinnoh team is so good (mostly) and im fond of the core six and then you look closer and you remember that only half of them were treated all that well
#it only gets worse when you count ambipom.#staraptor is sorta just there to me tbh. doesnt help that it stayed in its middle stage most of the time which i dislike#but thats a personal thing. besides that it was ok. buizel was treated pretty fine too#but i stand by that gliscor was done dirty. i dont get why people go ‘’oh it got training and became a badass!! thats GREAT writing!!’’#when she immediately gets thrashed in the league anyways (even if she powers through and gives an awesome fight for that goddamn drapion)#its still not a great way to reintroduce her and its one of the parts of ash v paul i dont actually like all that much#like cmon infernape gets the biggest win in that fight#can he at least give this one to gliscor. please. or have torterra do it he is fucking begging for mercy#but anyways ig thats forgivable bc of drapion. back to my og point tho i dont get that as a defense#because how is it better writing for gliscor to get that treatment offscreen when we couldve had a really cathartic training arc instead#because she had a pretty inconsistent win/loss rate that couldve been addressed further#especially because the lake acuity/sinnoh league team parallel was so important. it just muddies the equation up to bench her#i think it gets forgiven because of the league and because ambipom was treated MUCH worse#like damn at least gliscor got to come back at all. at least her departure was related to what she wanted#but that doesnt change the fact that it just makes the league feel more clunky and awkward than it should#idk. why do people think a pokemon getting shipped off for offscreen training is good writing. i genuinely dont understand it#its always felt lazy and cheap to me. why is this pokemon we havent seen strong? uh. it trained offscreen? idiot?#tbf i think charizard and heracross also sorta suffer from this. heracross especially#he shipped that thing off so early in johto why am i supposed to believe its this super powerful battler#i mean. besides that its a heracross. but still. heracross v scizor is awesome but it doesnt necessarily explain its later feats#(ik heracross was sent to oaks lab not sent to training but still)#echoed voice
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Yes yes I am aware it's my birthday yay me 🙄
#the only gift that would make this hullabaloo worth it is a kiss from helen otherwise this whole tradition is overrated and overstimulating#she and the scooby gang did bake me a raspberry cake which was...passable i guess#no i'm not sneaking extra slices into my lab to eat at 3am when i'm still up working#it's not THAT good#wolfie at least had the decency to buy me a new bottle of wine#now that's something i can actually use#sanctuary#sanctuary tv show#sanctuary tv series#nikola tesla#sanctuary roleplay#sanctuary rp#nikola tesla rp#tesla rp
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i've been avoiding practicing driving because i've been preferring being in my own world lately and i HAVE to pay attention when driving so i just. don't. drive.
#😭😭😭 it's so bad right now it's so so so bad#like the serotonins are high but at the same time i have less than 2 months until my road test#i still have 2 lessons that i've paid for to book but when i tried my anxiety went 'uhm dont book those actually hahaha'#and now it's like THOSE COST $550 YOU BETTER FINISH THEM!!!!!!!!!#hoooly fuck. i cannot win.#i haven't been in the driver's seat in over 2 weeks#i drove successfully down one of the busiest corridors in the region and back and then never did it again akdjskdn#i feel like i really should start ADHD meds but i know there's some sort of restriction on it right now#and i don't think i could afford it#i've started drinking coffee again and i'm just. not doing great i think#video games are the only thing keeping me from falling apart and i'm letting my switch charge so i let my mind wander 🙃#kinda scared for next term since i've decided to keep going. applied for a new student loan and everything#and the one course i HAVE to take is supposedly really hard#(there's no lab at least which is good)#on tuesday i'll be normal again but right now i'm just. i want to play hades tbh#i hope there's enough battery in the switch and besides i think my laptop charger is down here#(it charges the switch fine despite being an apple charger lmao. i don't get it)#vent
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I just realized that Jesse Pinkman’s address in high school was his Aunt’s house. He was already living with her instead of his parents by the time he was in high school. The timeline of her cancer and death is a little fuzzy, but it’s likely he had to care for her while attending school. If that’s the case it’s clear he didn’t ask for accommodations or even use his Aunt’s illness as an excuse for his poor grades (Walt was surprised to hear she had been sick). Combined with his obviously untreated ADHD, it’s no wonder he turned to drug use and failed to ‘apply himself.’
And to think that through all this - taking care of his Aunt, struggling in school - his parents didn’t help; either directly with his Aunt’s illness or indirectly easing his responsibility for her by hiring care givers…
#ra speaks#jesse pinkman#breaking bad#brba#skrungly from my meth lab…#I am feeling shrimp emotions#ALSO also idk how old Jake is supposed to be (I’m guessing middle school?) which would mean Jesse has been absent from most of Jakes life#y’know I used to be in camp ‘Jesse parents are probably good parents and people Jesse just didn’t have support systems elsewhere in his life#to cope with his neurodiversity in a system that didn’t accommodate it for expectations far out of his reach’#but unless we get some clear revelation tha Jesse was bullshitting about taking care of his aunt while she was sick#his parents really did just. leave that to him.#and the way he accuses his mom of not doing anything for his aunt while she was sick…idk it just feels very real at least to him#*ticks another cell in the ‘jesse pinkman is trans and his parents had him move out to live with his trans aunt#because even though they’re supportive enough to help his transition and respect his pronouns they are still transphobic evangelicals#who can’t fully accept these people in their lives and are looking for excuses to never see them again’
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man this has been a fuckingggg week
#so much shit at work...i had a day off yesterday and in the time i was out someone made a crazy mess in my lab and didnt clean up and my#boss had to do it but it left permanent bright yellow stains bc there was iron chloride involved lmfao its fucking everywhere#and no one will own up to it which is the real dickhead move like idc if u make mess but CLEAN UP & TELL ME OR MY BOSS BC ITS NOT UR LAB#we'll figure out who it is anyway bc we can check the stock records next week. and the work buses have been fucking me overrr#and so many asshole interactions this week ive had it up to here w other ppl#but also its been nice to start working properly w my friend in the lab. and he gave me brownies at lunch today :^)#and got a lot of life shit done that ive been putting off doing + my boss shared some rly nice feedback ppl have given to her abt me 🥹#i got kfc on the way home n my roomie is bringing me fried chicken from the good chicken place in our old city cuz she was there today#and ive been in a lot of pain again but at least ive talked to my dr and have a plan for the next few months n new meds to try#trying to focus on the good things. im sooooo so so tired tho#early bedtime tn i think. got nice stuff planned for the weekend tho <3#struggling thru it but we'll get there#.diaries
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Saw Ep 36 earlier today since the eigo subs dropped, and that episode did a really good job at getting me on board with gigst since I had so much fun with geryon, because the amount of lore surrounding this guy intrigues me
#Geryon was a guy made in a lab for my villain tastes so im glad the endgame villain is someone shaping up to also be interesting#feels like revelations will come through & because of him. we already learned some real interesting stuff through him in just this ep alone#also he very much feels like a real threat so far which is good too#looking forward to learning more about him + seeing where he goes#I do hope we get to see geryon be a freak at least one more time though (could be in the summer film and/or show)#just lemme see him chew scenery#linky posts#linky watches gotchard
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...
#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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finally actually working towards fixing my blogs lol 💪
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#THE PROBLEM W ME... though... is i want to fix every single post on this account. which isn't. very. good.#considering i have thousands of posts and i am a very busy student but will that stop me !! probably not.#i'm NOT going to change my tags anymore i think. that'd probably kill me#there's a website tho ik but STILL.....!! troublesome. so. anyway!#gna start writing here soon again but that's dependent on whether i get my shit fully together finally. aaand i'm fixing my selfship#sb and etc etc etc yes <3 it just turned 12 am honestly i don't think i have the braincells rn#i want to COLLAPSE !!!!! tbf i could. totally do so. there's nothing important for me to worry over anymore#i mean yeah i might have a quiz later today but our teacher hasn't responded to email my classmate sent eyaghhhhhhh#SO. idk. we were supposed to do a lab fun thingy yesterday BUT THEN we got. noon classes suspended. weird shit. sigh#so.....!!! so.#it's physics and honestly going to be pretty easy since they're giving the equations so i'll just brush up on my knowledge#and then the concepts etc ... oh god. or maybe i could just yk... sleep...!#idk. anyway. HII GOOD JUST-TURNED-TECHNICALLY-MORNING-BUT-IT'S-MIDNIGHT FROM ME ^_^#i am so ill (figuratively) i am a mess but i'll Fix Things#yk what would be so good for this all... exercise..... i at least am able to walk a lot everyday bcs of school but STILL#okay bye from me now. i am. TIRED... bye <3
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tiredof having to play sleuth 3D chess to be sure to avoid people who you learn have covid and don't fucking stay home.
just learn that a fraquaintance has it and is still going to perform, maskless, in a musical. i guess because it's not a level to where she'd have a double. but i hope for the other performers that they at least KNOW, and too bad for the audience i guess.
and the way i learned it was "yeah she's upset that she has to perform like this, sick and with breathing problems" like dude ? maybe there's something a bit more upsetting about this situation ? I didn't say anything because i was still processing it. maybe after i would also not have said anything because i'd fear being the killjoy and i'm a coward (and i'm already #tagged as the one who Masks Too Much)
if she's at choir on tuesday i'm going back home. and sending a mail to choir "oh i don't have the right to mask for security [but other people can come sick -not covid- with a mask and not sing to not miss the weekly rehearsal] but she had covid two days ago and suddenly she's fine ?"
fuck off
#3615 my life#because we can't trust the numbers in france anymore because of beed between the gov and privates lab#(so a lot of positive tests are not recorded anymore since like. november i think)#i use the 'close to me rule'#and it just so happen that 4 people i know got covid in the last month#all of them i see either every week or every month to sing in a close room for at least two hours#so like. hmm.#i don't want to stress about it again#by which i mean more than the normal usual stress of 'some people have literally forgot about it'#and 'legally it is now ok to go to work while being positive to covid'#deep sigh#and i'm annoyer because i had a good day and now i feel like it's gonna turn into my head overthink like i do so well#sharing like this helps so. thank you people in my laptop who listen to my rants <3
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just finished breaking bad
#spoilers ahead so! tread lightly#breaking bad#bc i binged a lot of this show some episodes do not stick out to me like i cant tell u what happened on which episode or even which season#the naz!s were so left field like i think the story would still be the same without the hooked cross tattoos#it was surprising how the drug cartel or whatever didnt have much involvement in s5. like why did i think for sure theyd relocate to mexico#a follow up wouldve been nice is all im saying#OK. characters! my fav were mike jesse gus skyler and saul. hated walt literally since day 1. didnt change much up until the end#listen i can understand the concept of characters being morally bankrupt egotistical narcissistic abusive and manipulative#but walt was just . not charming enough a character to do it sorry he is what he is. sorry to him but i cannot stand him#i can appreciate some of his monologues though! fly (episode) was great for that the show needed it at least in my opinion#i like that all the characters are fundamentally flawed ! walt is at his core insufferable but he makes a good tragic story👍🏼#hank was so stupid like? 😭 when lab equipment from walt's school were stolen i thought that'd be it lollll#it was well written for the most part i think!!!!! some parts needed suspension of disbelief but whatever yk#what matters to me the most is whether i cried or not and yeah. yeah i did cry!!!!!! so what!!!!!!!!!#THEMES. obv theres change/corruption... power and abuse of power. toxic masculinity? and family. living life to the fullest if ur insane#also!!! just finished el camino and i liked it! simple story but i like the themes in it. this man's been through so much#jesse was point blank a victim of abuse and im glad he gets to leave the past behind and move forward with his life#owned up to the choices that gotten him up to this point. had control over his life again and building a new future for himself#very cool. also the ending of brba? i think it's good enough i mean i cant think of anything more fitting#but man did he do some incredible... maybe irreparable damage to his family huh. midlife crisis things <3#i hope they heal <3 somehow <3#wait about the themes too in brba!! one is reaching ur full potential... again if ur insane#idk maybe sometimes it's ok to flop. just as long as ur enjoying ur life and ur happy... i think that's fine! walt u and i will never agree#izza💭
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