#(there is not even a single 'cunt' in the original version by the way)

[nostalgia-tblr]

navel-gazing numbers (and a lot of swears)

Having at last finished the sylki adultery AU/my longestest fic I can now present you with STATISTICS:

The word 'cunt' is used 15 times, always anatomically, which averages to about one cunt per 3000 words which is probably about how often I use it in E-rated fics otherwise.

There are, however, only 7 'cock's in the entire tale. Yes, I was surprised too!

And there are but 16 uses of 'fuck' and its variants, which seems pretty fucking low if you ask me.

It depends how you count it but there are at most 10 sex scenes and some of them are fade-to-black/fade-from-black so may not really count and for this and other reasons it turns out to be harder to add up these things than you'd expect D:

It's also hard to count the number of murders, as there's definitely some convenient deaths happening off-screen but do I include those or not?

So - ALAS - I have led you all a merry dance in previous posts and cannot actually provide an accurate sex-to-murders ratio for this fic despite my earlier promises :(

2 of 8 chapters have no sex in them. I expect those installlments are disappointing for many readers but just as the sex is there because it's important plot-related shagging the other chapters are there because they are important shagging-related plot. I am an ARTISTE, this is my VISION, and if you don't like that then... well, sorry, I suppose :(

Did you know the word 'queen' is from the same root as the word 'cunt'? Because I used 'queen' 68 times. The fact that the word 'king' appears over 200 times is an imbalance that I am absolutely going to pretend was a deliberate commentary on the nature of patriarchial monarchy and solid proof that when you look at it from that perspective all the adulterous sex was in fact fully justified and why are you blaming them for being immoral when the world itself is so immoral and oppressive? Those as-many-as-10 sex scenes were THE MORAL HIGH GROUND ACTUALLY.

[hypnoneghoul]

Give me the weird silicone noise fic I’m begging!!!

I couldn't help myself and not write it right away... well, here's the original idea and one and two additional ones that I took and weaved together and turned into this little ficlet. I recall @sphylor @kroas-adtam @revengeghoulette @moldycantaloupe and @jazz-bazz being particularly interested in this, hence the tags. no nose riding itself in here, but I do hope you enjoy

edit: I remembered this ficlet from a while ago, y'all can treat it as a loose continuation of this one

Dewdrop didn’t even dare hope he would get away with it. Nothing stays a secret in the ghouls’ den and certainly nothing related to sex.

It’s his own fault, really.

For months he used to rely on his imagination alone, fucking his own fingers or a toy in and out of his cunt as he thought about it. After a while he caved in and made his purchase, probably the stupidest thing he’s ever bought.

But it worked well enough and so for another few weeks he took care of his sinful thoughts by riding a fucking silicone nose. Not the weirdest fantasy he’s heard of or indulged in, but every single time he takes that thing out from his toy box, shame burns through his core.

He used to fall to temptation only where he was absolutely sure no one would interrupt him; the main rule was Rain being out of the den. One unfortunate time, though, Dewdrop is sure he’s being teased on purpose.

For some mysterious reason, Rain decided to wear his helmet and balaclava to the rehearsal, without painting his nose black. Of course, why would he, but why would he wear his gear in the first place, if not to condemn the fire ghoul to two hours of walking around with a pool of slick in his underwear?

Still, Dewdrop doubts he knows. The real mistake was him getting down to business right after the rehearsal. He was in such a rush he didn’t even care to lock his door.

He regrets his carelessness immensely as Rain stares him down with comical disbelief in his eyes and a growing smirk.

“It’s not what it looks like–” the poor fire ghoul pants, not moving off of his toy. He’s both trying to hide it and for his pleasure not to end. Lucifer only knows how big of a slut Dewdrop is for some humiliation.

“Is it now?” Rain scoffs. The look in his eyes, the way he stands there, his voice…Dewdrop knows what version of his mate he’s getting and, frankly, he’s as terrified as he’s excited. “Seems to me like you’ve been grinding your pretty cunt against a fake nose. Moaning and whimpering my name, all the while.”

“I–I’m–”

“Oh, shut it,” the water ghoul chuckles, waving an elegant hand in the air; a mimicry of one of his favorite stunts when they play live. He approaches to stand right over the impossibly flustered Dewdrop and looks down at him, his expression an image of condescension. The fire ghoul can’t bear it; he hangs his head and curls in on himself. If he manages a little roll of his hips against the thing he’s still sitting on…well, that’s for him to know and for Rain to laugh about. “Pathetic.”

It’s hard not to agree.

Rain gets on the bed and makes himself comfortable against the headboard, with his arms folded under his head. He doesn’t speak or move for a while and it’s only Dewdrop’s desperation that breaks the silence.

“Rainy, please, I just–”

“Just what, you whore?” the water ghoul growls and Dewdrop curls in on himself even more. “Such a slut you can’t help but sexualize even the least sexual pieces of me, are you not?”

The fire ghoul doesn’t answer.

“I asked you a question.”

“Yes, I–I do. I am,” Dewdrop stammers out. He can’t see him—staring pointedly at a mole on his thigh—but Rain’s cruel smile grows.

“Move,” he orders. Dewdrop couldn’t disobey under his heavy stare even if he wanted to. He lifts his hips and scoots backwards, leaving the silicone nose laying soaked between his thighs. “Give it to me.”

The fire ghoul cries out in shame before lifting it with a shaky hand and extending it for his mate to grab.

“Disgusting,” Rain scoffs as slick covers his palm. He shakes his head before throwing that wretched piece of silicone across the room. They’ll worry about it later. “You should’ve come to me. Asked for the real thing.”

Finally, Dewdrop lifts his head with a confused and terrified look.

“Yeah, I would’ve let you,” the water ghoul admits, “I love you so much, you know I would do anything for you.”

“I…I’m sorry, I didn’t think–”

“No, you didn’t,” Rain sighs as he finally shifts. He scoots down to lay down more than sit. “Now you’ll have to show me what it is that you’ve really been up to.”

“Oh…oh no, Rainy, I won’t–”

“Yes, you will. Come here,” he orders and Dewdrop lets out a dry sob as he crawls over. Rain digs his long fingers into his pale thighs and manhandles the fire ghoul to straddle him.

He shakes the entire time and can’t help a wanton moan that rips itself out of him when Rain scrunches his nose at him.

“Come on, baby,” he grins from in between Dewdrop’s legs, “take a seat.”

[rayclubs]

HxH Genei Ryodan is such a masterclass in humanizing villains, honestly to a ridiculous degree. They're legitimately terrifying, their crimes are cruel and inexcusable, the violent acts they commit are nearly always played seriously and condemned by the narrative, and yet I find myself rooting for them in every scene they're in.

It's not even the sad backstories some of them have, it's much deeper than that. I think I'm just fascinated with the intricate and peculiar friendship they all share. It's easier to get attached to comedy rather than drama, as a rule of thumb, and they're just endlessly funny.

I've been searching for examples of the interactions that stuck with me and was going to include screenshots but there are just way too many things. Like, okay, in no particular order:

Shizuku wearing Phinks' coat after her sweater gets torn in a fight.

Phinks tucking Kalluto under his arm like a chicken and carrying him out of an exploding building.

Nobunaga getting trapped in a pocket dimension and everybody agreeing that he should just stay there awhile because they've just taken a hostage and now there isn't enough space in the car.

Machi and Nobunaga hanging out like normal people, drinking beer and serving cunt effortlessly in stylistically matching outfits.

Kuroro getting a prediction that "the spider will lose half of its legs" and immediately going "nope not losing any of my men out there let's pack it"

Hisoka actually fucking saying "I can't tell you that. If I told you that, I would be telling you what I can't tell you. This is why I can't tell you that. That's all I can tell you." and they believed him. Maybe it's more normal with English subs, I dunno.

Everyone playing cards while Uvogin is fighting, all while talking about how good Uvogin is at fighting.

Uvogin giving Shalnark a little kissie. I don't even ship them, I think he just kisses all of his homies like a real man.

Franklin getting sent after a crate of beer. Like, that's just so funny to me. Errand boy.

Feitan and Shalnark calling Phinks "very feminine" and giggling.

Franklin and Nobunaga just fucking going at it, sword on gun violence, for no reason whatsoever. It seemed like they were having fun.

Nobunaga asking rhetorically how strong he is compared to the rest of the gang and them replying "7th or 8th idk" you fucking know they debated this.

Uvogin getting his dumb sexy ass captured and everyone showing up for him awww

Everyone being supportive of Shizuku being fucking stupid. Not even in a sweet way or anything, just kind of acknowledging that she has zero thoughts in her brain. "Shizuku why didn't you use your left hand" because she was spinning a vacuum cleaner in her mind, what's not clicking

Dunno what they call Kurapika in the English version but in the Russian subs they all collectively only ever refer to him as "ублюдок с цепями" or "the asshole with the chains".

Nobunaga immediately inviting two twelve-year-olds to join because he thinks they're hilarious, and everyone going "yeah okay as long as the boss is cool with it". You go Nobunaga, everybody grieves differently

The kids refuse and escape, go spying on the other members again, get caught again, and when Nobunaga sees them he's all "Wanna be friends now? ^^" <- nobody has anything against this

Feitan having his arm broken in a fight and Phinks going "HA!"

Literally every single time they toss a coin, but especially when Phinks and Bonolenov were arguing over who should fight Zazan if Feitan fucking dies???

Shalnark being a fucking gamer and inviting everyone else to speedrun Greed Island with him. Franklin going "no thanks" next shot he's in the goddamn game

Tossing the phone around. Can't remember whose phone it originally was but passing it around was hilarious every time. "We already killed the hostages" beep beep beep "Sorry I lied"

There are so many moments and I'm not even halfway done. Supreme quality villains. I need more of them. I need to inject them directly into my brain.

[nourrris]

I hate, and love Steve Rogers.

there is no character who's given me as many conflicted feelings as he does, i can't tell if i absolutely hate his guts or adore him helplessly, one side is coming from the fact i love tony stark, and steve rogers is an absolute cunt for the way he's treated him at times (which some instances are understandable, but i still hold civil war against him) and then theres the version of him that i hold so close to my heart, excluding his confident demeanor and severe savior (guilt?) complex, he is still the man who couldnt help himself and risk his life for everybody else, the man who was pushed into a situation so life changing, experiencing the quite literal horrors of the world and humanity, both pre and post serum, he lived a rough life, especially with the timeline he lived in originally, and then the entire ordeal with bucky, the horrifying realization what's happened to one of the closest people in his life, what he's become, and the fact he's alive. (not that he ever got the chance to mourn anyways)

and thats not to talk about how his life was ultimately changed completely within such a small time frame for him, prior the modern years, living through a whole different world, about to sacrifice his life to mankind, then he wakes up 70 years later, the love of his life has aged in a way he didn't get the chance too, the world has became something completely separate to the timeline he lived in, he has to learn new social customs, new ways to adapt to how society exists, how is he meant to grieve or mourn through any of this at all? he had absolutely no time, he was consistently put into the highest of stress situations.

i hate how civil war went down, he gave away his life he had began building, of course there were multiple different ways to act and he definitely did not choose the right one, but i'll give the smallest inch of credit and say i'm not sure how i'd act either if i found my best friend (who was supposedly dead, now a deadly assassin) was back in the limelight for the worst reason possible, one that was causing the entire world to hate him, but not only that - his identity of actually still being alive is now public for the entire world to see, even if the man they saw hadn't actually been him.

i can't say i would have taken his side as confidently so brashly, almost killing a person you could almost consider a close friend in defense when they just found your supposedly dead (now assassin) bestfriend is at fault for who killed his parents, tony acting irrationally was rather reasonable, i'd understand bucky defending himself, steve through? i'd say its different, maybe?

he's also rather arrogant in same situations, especially in 'the avengers' when he says 'Big man in a suit of armor, take that away and what are you?' as if tony wasn't the genius behind making every little detail in the suit, constructing it all single handedly, and the prototype that had been created in a very spontaneous manner which still worked miraculously better than any person managed to create in a much larger time frame, and a much less stressful situation.

i cant pretend and believe that steve must know this information of course, they seemed like they had been roughly introduced to eachother, but also to make such a claim against somebody like him who's father was also an insanely credible genius, he should have given him at least some benefit of the doubt, or actually attempted to learn more about him before going straight for eachothers throats like a bunch of kids.

another part of that quote that irked me was the sacrifice one, i frankly do not understand that part, the entire idea of iron-man is one big ol' self sacrifice, there is no safe (or really sane) way to make a machine like that and go into conflict way too big for one person to overtake, he's almost died multiple times for the sake of helping society, the idea of getting his information right isn't even the biggest issue, its that i just genuinely dont understand why he keeps spouting out things with absolutely no context? he says he see's the videos, but its a little hypocritical steve rogers of all people is letting other people define who tony stark is when he lived his entire life being defined what society deems of him just by a single glance, unless of course he just saw one random iron-man video of the stark expo performance with the girls. (which god, i cringed at myself.. why tony, why)

still to act as confident as he did, i would have assumed he attempted to well.. learn more about the guy. i genuinely think this part itself is a poor writing issue though, it felt weirdly out of character, but i can understand it from a certain viewpoint i guess.

once more, another point i wanted to make this time was somewhat against tony's actual response to what steve said, of course in a way hes completely correct where "everything about him came out of a bottle", in a physical sense, but steves over eager need to help was always very evident, his courage in place since the dawn of the world. although, he realistically would likely have never been able to become the man he is without the serum, so well technically theres not much to fight back there, but the serum could have distinctively (and quite literally has) gone to the wrong hands, i'm not sure if i should be applauding him for having morals, but at last, its difficult to say how anybody would react to such a life altering experience, and not really even getting the chance to understand whats happening, or how it works.

i've likely gotten off track, but point is i think he's a very flawed character, but at the same time still one of the kindest people with a heart made out of gold, albeit a bit of a blockhead at times, he truly tries, and he was frankly put in a very unfair position, no matter what he signed up for, there was no world it could have possibly entailed what he's gone through so far, even if he doesn't regret it, or would do it a hundred times more.

anyways, i hate him and love him all the same, and still very strongly hate his ending in endgame (as a total writing issue, i cannot possibly blame the character).

thank you for reading this ramble, so sorry if this upset you, or if i actually got any of the lore wrong, do correct me if i have!

[sweetbillwriting]

The Real Deal

Part 12 - The D Word

Characters: AU Single Bill Skarsgård. A version of Bill where he becomes single 2017 and with a different timeline. AU Skarsgårds and others. The rest is my own original characters.

Setting: This chapter is just set in 2021.

Warnings: 18+, mentions of weight, mentions of cheating, mentions and allusions of fetishes, mentions of abortion, violence (sort of), sex work, slut shaming, blackmail.

Notes: This story has almost reached its end. The next part will be the last chapter about Bill and Cassie! I apologize for not putting in a "read more" cut but I didn't have a laptop to do it with!

×

October 2021

She heard the shower running when she got home. Lucky for her Bill had left the door ajar as usual so she could storm in. He stood naked on the beige fluffy rug on the way into the shower when she walked in with determined steps. She couldn't stop herself from looking at his member and then his naked chest but looked pissed. Bill smirked and looked at her.

"Did you want something?"

Cassie took one more look at his naked body before speaking.

"You said 'fitta' meant 'pussy'.."

Bill gave her a curious look.

"Yeah?"

"So when my boss didn't dare to talk to this guy… I called her 'fitta'." She gave Bill a pointed irritated look.

Bill smiled bashfully but couldn't stop himself from smiling even bigger.

"Oh," he said with a big smile and dragged his hands over his naked hips.

"Did you lie to me?"

"No, no, no! It's just maybe more mean like… 'cunt'. But not exactly." He hadn't stopped smiling yet, especially because Cassie looked so annoyed. "Like you have a 'fitta', I would use that word. 'Cunt' is so much more… ugly. 'Fitta' is prettier but you shouldn't call someone that or…"

"You say that to your friends! You called Hampus that just a few days ago!" Her arms were crossed and it looked like she would even stomp her feet.

"That's different… It's like… A guy thing?"

Cassie shook her head and started to dress down.

"A guy thing… More like a little boy thing. Fucking asshole," she muttered while walking into the shower. Bill gave her a confused look.

"I was about to…" he gave a nod to the shower.

"Come in then, fucking 'fitta', she said and pulled him in.

Bill just smiled amused and hugged her from behind.

She had gained some "sambo weight" just like himself but she still let him caress her body just the way he wanted to. She had started a new life and made awful green smoothie bowls for him and ate weird dietary supplements.

"I have booked flight tickets now…" said Cassie carefully while she shampooed her hair. Bill still got sour thinking about everything about her earlier side gig. He looked down and pretended his stomach needed some extra washing. They had waited on him to end the filming of his Swedish movie but now it was really time to do something. Cassie got more and more nervous everyday.

Bill sighed and moved closer to the shower so he could wet his hair.

"Good…" he just said.

Cassie looked at him and felt once again, her bad conscience.

"I'm sorry baby…" she whispered and looked down at the floor. Bill looked at her and moved close and took her face in his hands.

"We will solve this shit, okay? But don't say sorry again. You have said it already and I have forgiven you."

Cassie looked at his big green eyes, the storming feelings inside them but also the sincerity.

She kissed his lips and dragged him as close as she could and let herself accept his embrace and unconditional love.

A week later they were finally in Manhattan outside of the building where Georg Visser had his office. Cassie had thought it would be herself that would be nervous but Bill had gotten all quiet in the taxi and now walked around in circles outside of the entrance with his hands deep down in the pockets of his bomber jacket. Cassie just stood and looked at him, waiting on him to calm down. He kicked at an AirPod someone must have dropped with the toe of his scuffed ankle boot. Cassie looked at the poor AirPod land in a puddle but continued to be quiet. She hadn't been on him and nagged about anything that day, not even his clothes so he wore his regular jeans with a well worn long sleeved t-shirt. A few months ago she would have forced him to wear a button up but now even she wasn’t dressed up. She had on sneakers, jeans and an oversize leather jacket. She was surprised at how comfortable she was being dressed like that in New York, meeting Georg Visser. It was probably because she was so comfortable with Bill she didn't feel the need to dress up for others, but also that many of her tight dresses and skirts didn't fit as they used to.

"Okay… Okay…" Bill said, taking a deep breath and fixing his hair.

"He isn't that bad. Just a bit of a snob," said Cassie. She had told Bill about Georg, his feelings for her but also that he often called himself 'daddy' in her presence. Bill had gotten really uncomfortable but she felt the need to tell him now before they met.

Georg looked at the couple amused when they walked into his company's place. He looked at the tall man with big telling eyes and the woman he had conflicted feelings towards, dressed in a way he wasn't used to.

"Cassie, babe!" He said loudly and walked up to her and lifted her up in his arms. He did it both with joy to see her and to provoke her boyfriend, the stiff Swede next to her.

Bill looked at the man, who was in his fifties, lifting Cassie and felt the annoyance rise at once. The man looked good for his age but was way too old for Cassie. Cassie looked young for her age and still had that angelic look a young woman has. Bill clicked his tongue when Cassie pushed Georg away but he continued to be too close to her. The sound made Georg turn to Bill and once again looked him up and down. It was obvious that most of his clothes were well worn and not at all of the quality he himself demanded of his clothes but he looked at Bill's flawless skin and high cheekbones and he envied his striking looks and youth. He didn't need expensive suits to look good.

"Georg Visser," he said and put out a hand to Bill. Bill took his hand and felt the need to be just as firm as the older man.

"Bill Skarsgård."

Cassie looked at the men, the power play between them. It felt like she could take a coffee break while they just stared at each other.

Georg nodded a little then showed them into a room with sofas and armchairs around a low table. He looked at Cassie again and her fingers entwined with Bill's long ones.

"I almost didn't recognize you, honey. Is this what happens when you get a boyfriend?" He looked her up and down. That comment made Bill's hackle go up for real but Cassie just smiled and gave Bill's arm a soothing stroke.

"You mean the self love? Probably not for everyone but it did happen to me." She dragged Bill with her towards a couch and continued to smile. Bill gave her a side look and felt almost a bit stunned over how smoothly she had handled Georg's stupid comment. Georg looked at them and smiled a bit uncomfortably. Somewhere he had believed Cassie would flirt a bit with him behind Bill's back.

"I'm just going to get some papers…" said Georg and left when Cassie had given him a little nod. Bill moved closer to her when Georg had left them and Cassie laid her leg over his leg and smiled.

"You know that you're really pretty, right? Even prettier than you were in those dresses and…" He said and looked at her with searching eyes but Cassie interrupted him.

"I know," she just said like it was obvious and smiled bigger. Bill smiled a bit surprised but pleased with her confidence. She kissed him a bit too passionately for the environment but he answered fast and let it continue. Georg stood outside of the door looking at the couple in an intense liplock and sighed to himself. He went in when he saw them move a bit from each other.

"Right, right then…" he said and sat down in an armchair opposite them. "Well I asked you to come here to try to make you realize a friendly agreement would be best for you all."

Both Cassie and Bill furrowed their brows but Bill let her speak, this was her affair, he was just the sponsor.

"What do you mean with 'friendly'?"

"Oh, simple, direct… Without lawyers. You know I'm an educated lawyer and I would of course help you." Georg spinned a pen between his fingers.

Cassie looked at Bill that gave her a look of consensus. They had talked about this and were prepared for this to happen. Georg had sounded unsure as soon as Cassie had said Bill wanted to have a lawyer with them while writing the contract.

"But you would also help them, right?" Said Cassie with an attitude.

"Honey, not that attitude to daddy."

Bill made an irritated groan and gave him a sour look. Georg smirked.

"She used to call me that. I guess she doesn't call you that," said Georg and continued to smirk towards Bill.

"Maybe I will, soon," said Cassie. "But back to this. And no more of that shit. Okay?" She said to Georg with power in her voice. Both the men looked at her. Georg with a bit of rejection while Bill looked impressed.

"We want a lawyer in the room. And she has sent you the changes she wants to see in the contract."

Georg sighed, crossed his legs and looked at Bill's hand on Cassie's knee.

"Otherwise I have the old contract here and we can solve this and you don't need to meet the men that have put you in this situation." Cassie took Bill's hand in hers and took a deep breath.

"I want to meet them. I want them to understand there are real women on that site. Not just pictures of objects they want to use for money. I'm lucky to have met a man that I felt comfortable telling about my bad choices but others will destroy their life just because they press them on money. Fuck them, I want to meet those assholes," she spit while hugging Bill's hand hard. He just looked at her proudly. He had seen that side of her many times while Georg looked at her shocked. He had just met the sugarbabe Cassie and never the whole woman. He had just met the character, the Betty Boop like fantasy she had created, not that colorful person behind it.

Georg cleared his throat uncomfortably and looked down at his papers. It was the contract he and the creators of the site formulated together. They didn't want to hire another lawyer because even they knew how low this was. They just wanted a quick affair and avoid meeting one of the women they had blackmailed for money. Sure, they had the law on their side but they had used it in an ugly way.

"Fine, then we will meet tomorrow. With your lawyer… And my client."

Cassie smiled disappointed at Georg and shook her head while standing up.

"And I actually thought you cared for me. But I guess you weren't better than the others?" She said while Bill stood up. He let her talk even if he had things he wanted to say to Georg too. Georg stood up and buttoned his suit jacket with a ticking jaw.

"I do care about you Cassie but… This is just so unnecessary. They do own the pictures and you are a hooker."

He said it because of hurt feelings but also because he really wanted to see her as just that. Where had that girl he knew disappeared?

"Don't call her that. And she has left all that behind now," said Bill suddenly. He wouldn't let anyone call her such things.

He laid a protective arm around Cassie's waist. Cassie looked at him appreciatively even if she wanted to answer for herself.

"Maybe I was. With you. But I am so much more than that." She smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "Lets go," she said to Bill and leaned up to give him a peck on the lips.

Georg looked after them with the contract in his hands. His heart beating hard in his chest with regret and bitterness.

Bill and Cassie enjoyed New York the best they could even if they had much on their mind and Cassie didn't want to drink any alcohol to have a clear head for the next day. They crawled down in bed early and Bill looked at her big eyed while laying with his face towards her. She laid down the same way and smiled.

"What?" She said. Bill moved closer to kiss her.

"I'm just so fucking proud of you. You're so strong. You have such power."

Cassie laughed a little and looked up at the ceiling. Bill scooted closer and let his hand caress her hip and waist. She sensed that he was thinking about something but didn't say anything.

"And that comment about that you have changed… You were so confident in a way many girls wouldn't be…" She smiled and looked at him a bit amused.

"Mhm?"

"You're so beautiful but I didn't think you would react like that."

"I am beautiful," she said, just as confident.

"But still you don't drink and you eat all this… healthy shit."

Cassie just laid silent and smiled while Bill looked down and played with the hem of her panties.

"Have you thought about anything else, Mr. Attentive?"

Bill laughed a bit embarrassed and looked at her face fast but then he looked down again.

"Well you have these quite strong mood swings… You could almost believe that… Well, when you think of all this you could almost believe… You're pregnant?" He said carefully and looked at her face. He knew it wasn't a good thing to say to a woman who wasn't pregnant so if he were wrong he would probably have problems. Cassie made an amused sound and dragged her hand over her face.

"I wanted to wait to tell you until all of this was over… So you wouldn't think I was baby trapping you but… Yeah, I'm pregnant," she said and looked at Bill just as carefully as he had looked at her. He sat up and looked down at her.

"Are you serious? But I thought… Aren't you on the pill?"

Cassie laughed a bit nervously.

"Time to ask that now… It seems like you have inherited your dad's super sperm because they don't seem to have helped."

Bill looked puzzled and looked down at Cassie who was now supporting her head on an elbow. He laughed a little and looked around the room.

"Do you want it?" He asked and turned his head quickly towards her.

"To be honest… Yeah, yeah I really do but just if you want it. I can still have an abortion."

"No, no, no!" Said Bill and leaned down, giving her a hard kiss. "No, no. No. I want it. I want it." He kissed her again so hard the both of them became breathless and Cassie was forced to lay down. Bill laid down on top of her but then moved back from her belly, sitting between her legs and pulled up her lacy nightgown.

"So this is why you have put on weight!" He said with a big smile and dragged two big hands over her belly.

"Yeah, the real question is why have you put on weight," she teased and spread her legs so he could come closer.

"Ha ha ha." He said with pretend annoyance but then turned his smiling face down towards her belly.

"You know that I was an accident, right? They thought they were done then mom got pregnant with me and they decided to have some more kids."

Cassie smirked.

"As I said, super sperm."

Bill leaned down carefully and kissed her while one of his hands wandered up to her chest and pinched her nipple.

"Can you take my cock even if..?" He said and pressed his erection against the inside of her thigh. Cassie laughed.

"Are you hard? Now? But yeah, I can take your cock, you can't really make me more pregnant." She giggled and put her arms around his shoulders and lifted her legs up over his hips. Bill just smiled.

"Shit, I have impregnated you." He said proudly like he had done something really extraordinary.

It was obvious the next day that something had happened to Bill and Cassie. Maybe it was the four orgasms that they had had that night but most of all it was because they knew that they would have a baby in just six months. They were glowing from inside out even if they were doing a hard thing that day. But even if they were, they just thought about the future, the two of them with a baby. Bill had already downloaded an app he could follow everything every week, from a peanut to a finished baby. Cassie saw him looking at the app in the taxi to Georg's office, smiling to himself. She smiled by seeing his face and looked over his shoulder.

"Week 14 you said? You knew that the little seahorse is all hairy?" He said and showed his screen.

"Seahorse?" Cassie asked while giggling.

"It kinda looks like a seahorse." Bill smirked. Cassie shook her head.

"No?"

"Well I will call it the seahorse, okay? Or the alien."

"Okay, say the seahorse," said Cassie and shook her head. Bill continued to look at the app while walking up to Georg's office. It was probably a good distraction to avoid the thoughts. Cassie, who had known about the pregnancy for some weeks couldn't really distract herself with that anymore and felt more and more nervous every floor the elevator moved by. Bill looked at her and put his phone down.

"It will be okay," he said lowly and took her hand just before they were on the right floor. They could see Bill's lawyer, Georg and a shorter man next to him. Bill hugged her hand and slowly they walked up to the group. Bill's lawyer said hello first with a friendly hand shake and then Georg gave them a cold nod. The man to his right looked at Bill with big eyes that made Bill look at him strangely.

"This is Calvin Morris, the owner, creator and my client." Said Georg and made a motion towards the man. Cassie didn't know what to feel but thought she would be the bigger person and shake his hand but Calvin didn't even acknowledge her, just looked at Bill.

"Shit, are you fucking Pennywise?" He asked with an impressed laugh. Bill looked him up and down.

"Yes?" He said with furrowed brows. Cassie looked between them and then at the lawyer who gave her a knowing look.

"Ah shit, dude, my buddy will kill me when he finds out I met you. Can we take a picture?" Bill gave him a pointed look.

"No?"

"Oh come on! It's just a picture dude!"

Georg cleared his throat, he also looked annoyed.

"May we sit down and clear this up…"

The guy looked at him a second and then at Cassie.

"Ah shit, it's your girlfriend? Fuck, I didn't know she was dating, like, a horror icon."

He dried off his hands on his printed tee and put his hand out to Cassie.

"You're so fucking hot. I understand why you were popular and why you found like a famous sugardaddy."

Cassie looked down at his hand offended then let Bill moved it away for her.

"I'm her boyfriend, not her sugardaddy."

The lawyer cleared her throat.

"Let us talk about the contract now. My clients have better things to do."

Bill led Cassie into the room Georg had opened with their lawyer closely behind them. Calvin stood behind a while playing with his phone. He wished to take a snap with Bill instead he wrote to all of his contacts: "Hanging out with Pennywise Skarsgard!!"

They all sat down around an oval table and Georg waited impatiently on Calvin. Bill shook his head towards Cassie.

"Jävla fitta…" he said lowly about Calvin. She couldn't stop herself from giggling a bit and that made Georg look at her sourly.

When they all sat around the table, the lawyer gave Cassie and Calvin each a contract. Georg clicked his tongue because he also had his own version of the contract.

Cassie put the contract between Bill and her. They had read it before so knew what it contained. The lawyer had really written it so that there weren't any holes or paragraphs to walk around. It was waterproof.

"Mr. Morris, you wrote yesterday that you were okay with this contract. And I guess you still are?" Georg tried to get Calvin’s attention who sat preoccupied with watching Bill and Cassie. He was listening to Georg with one ear but then cleared his throat.

"I don't need the money. It feels really like an asshole move… Shit and like… You're in love and shit. Right? And you're fucking Pennywise."

Bill and Cassie looked at each other confused and then towards Calvin again who now began to doodle on his contract while Georg whispered things to him with an annoyed face. He gave it to Bill's lawyer without listening to Georg and she looked it through closely. Cassie and Bill looked at her expectantly.

"This looks great Calvin. Can I use the printer Mr. Visser?" She said, giving Cassie the contract. It said the same thing just that 50,000 was over crossed to "for free." Cassie looked at Bill who smirked and then gave a thumbs up to Calvin who got so happy by his approval he almost jumped a bit in his chair. Georg looked between them and sighed loudly.

When the contract had printed it went by quickly for them to sign it.

"But weren't you two people? Two owners I mean," asked Bill and looked at Calvin. Georg tried to stop Calvin from answering but it was too late.

"Yeah? Georg owned it with me but sold his shares to me just some months ago."

Cassie, who had been distracted with staring at the signatures suddenly looked up.

"What…?" She said and looked between Calvin and Georg.

"That can't be right…" said the lawyer, stressed, afraid she had missed something.

"It's his cousin or something that owned it on paper but he was the boss," said Calvin without realizing what he really had said. Georg looked between Cassie and Bill and stood up. He laughed a bit nervously.

"Ehh… Cassie… Em… Cassie…"

Cassie just looked at him confused, she couldn't take in what Calvin had said but Bill had. He rarely lost his temper but this was just too much.

"What the fuck??" His chair slammed down on the floor when he pushed himself up on his legs.

"Now we calm down here." Said the lawyer and looked between Georg and Bill. Cassie still couldn't really understand she just felt the stress and anxiety grow. Georg continued to laugh nervously when Bill moved towards him. Cassie looked at her boyfriend and knew if she didn't say anything now he would do something stupid. His eyes were almost black and he looked more scary than she had ever seen him. He took a hold of Georg's expensive collar but wasn't able to do anything more when he heard Cassie shout his name.

"Bill, come, let's go. Let's go. We move forward now," she said calmly and laid her hand on Bill's arm who released Georg from his grip. "He isn't worth it…"

Bill gave Georg a last angry look before turning to Cassie. His eyes softened quickly and she smiled at him and took his hand. Bill rarely felt anger wash over him, he was a collected person who registered his feelings before acting but this time it took over. It was just such a cold act and was almost unbelievable how he had fooled Cassie to both open up to him but also blackmail her at the same time. But Bill cooled down, not because Georg was worth it but because Cassie was it. He took a deep breath and then let her move him out from the room with the signed contract in her hand.

Georg stood behind with a heavy heart and a too tight tie. After losing it he turned to Calvin with an angry look.

"You are so fucking stupid, you know that?"

Calvin still sat by the table, looking at his own copy of the contract like he was pleased. Bill had put a post it on it with his signature and Calvin dragged his finger over the B over and over.

"Why? Everyone is happy, right?" He just said. Georg sighed and dragged his hands over his face. He knew what he had done to Cassie was awful but the jealousy and bitterness had just become too big when he had heard she had moved away with a fucking movie star. He took some deep breaths and walked with fast steps to catch up with them and say he was sorry.

After having said goodbye and giving the lawyer a thank you, Bill and Cassie were hugging and kissing outside of Georg's company to land on their emotions. Just that one hour had been a rollercoaster and now they just wanted the good feelings back. Bill dragged a hand over her belly.

"Is this okay too?" He asked sweetly. Cassie leaned back so he could do it more easily.

"I think so, the seahorse seems to be okay."

She smiled and watched his hand pat her belly. Bill smiled and kissed her forehead before hugging her again.

Georg watched them by the door without them noticing. They weren't far away so he had heard their sweet words between them and seen Bill's hand caressing her stomach. He looked at them a while with a heavy heart then walked in through the door again. They didn't need his apology anyway, they seem to have everything they ever wanted.

×

Fitta - meaning pussy/cunt. Used as a swear word but many guys use it more relaxed way between friends but you don't call a female it, then it get interpreted as a swear word.

Sambo weight - Sambo meaning that you live together. Sambo weight is what Swedes call the weight many couples put on while moving in together. Fun fact, in Sweden there is similar "legal rules" that a married couple have, this because marriage isn't as common in Sweden as it once was.

Abortion in Sweden - in Sweden you can do an abortion until week 18. After that you need to get special permission because of disease or rape and so on.

×

[character-of-all-time]

okay to ruin the joke for the sake of anyone who wasnt here for Da Lore: they were originally labeled as "the girls from the nightcore version of everytime we touch by arkadoin of toast on youtube" in the submission (or st im too lazy to go copy paste the orig). i chose it bc that was funny and i liked how overly long the name was. when i was gathering the pictures i was like "huh wait is that miku or some other blue haired anime girl?" but i went eh idk and its funnier if i just leave it exactly as submitted anyway.

i posted the original polls and was immediately met with ppl saying "oh thats miku and luka in magnet outfits" and for the first few i was like oh okay thanks now that you mention it the butterfly outfits are vaguely familiar but i never listened to those songs (i mostly stuck to either the edgy vocaloid or the meme vocaloid songs, and when i went and listened to magnet it wasnt my style lol). the next poll i went ahead and corrected the alt text+tagged them correctly but kept the name bc Yeah

but after the first few i continued to be inundated by people who just HAD to correct me (some politely, some kinda bein cunts about it) and ppl saying stuff like "YOU KNOW ALICE OF HUMAN SACRAFICE BUT YOU DONT KNOW MAGNET??".

anyway long story short i didnt wanna change the name bc well. the submission was for the girls from the nightcore version of every time we touch by arkadoin of toast on youtube, not miku and luka, and i decided to try and make it more obvious that it was a joke by lengthening the name in a silly way but it obviously Didnt Work so i just kept making it worse and worse for funsies. its been really funny to have people call me an idiot for not knowing a specific vocaloid song meanwhile they dont bother to check the alt text that literally said on every single poll after the first "miku and luka in magnet outfits" or see that its literally tagged #miku #vocaloid.

its just so beautiful that even after labeling miku "minecraft" people are still commenting thinking i am unaware. congratulations, your critical thinking skills are unparalleled.

the internets eternal inability to tell when something is a bit no matter how silly it is will always be beautiful. never change, internet.

[fimssera]

Grant my wish, Genie! Part 2

Felt motivated, idea just stormed in so I just went ahead and did the writing, enjoy!

Here's part 1! ✌

Word count: 2111 words

You wake up by the annoying sound of the doorbell. You classify yourself as a morning person but who the fuck rings the doorbell for god knows how many times!?

*ring*

*ring*

*ring*

 It never stops. What the fuck is happening?

You angrily stomp your feet, dragging yourself up and away from your beloved bed, rushing towards the door to finally know what’s causing all the commotion. You’ve got no deliveries for sure. You weren’t expecting any guests either. Even if the gods of Olympus were to get rid of you, they won’t need to ring the doorbell over and over. Or would they? For the sake of annoying you before finally vanquishing you from this world?

*ring*

*ring*

You opened the door, your mind goes blank, everything is suddenly in slow motion. For a second there you thought a goddess was right before your eyes, rushing towards you is Yujin. On par with the beauties of any goddess you know, equipped with a stunning beauty and a killer body. You know for sure she was satisfied a week back when you granted her wish but you didn’t expect her to come back, even right before your expiry.

Rushing, Yujin went in for a needy kiss.

 Dazed, you tried to push her away out of being flustered. She did not budge. Instead, after regaining your composure, you kissed back as if you haven’t saw Yujin in years. Savouring her mouth, playing and fighting with her tongue. Your hands roam towards her waist and onto her perky round ass. You squeeze her ass, despite wearing thick pants, you can feel her ass as if she was butt-naked.

She breaks the kiss “I.. I couldn’t stop thinking about that day.. every single day! Your cock, the way you fucked me, it was all perfect. Please mr. G, fuck me! I don’t even care about the wishes anymore. This is my wish, please grant this wish NOW.”

What you heard was enough, she wasn’t the only one longing for the other. You have to admit that in your lifetime, Yujin had the best cunt you’ve ever fucked.

You pull her close

*Snap!*

 The familiar bedroom appears, still messy from getting up earlier but who cares? You’re gonna mess it all up again anyway.

Without hesitations you took Yujin’s top off, she answered by taking yours off as well before pulling you in for another kiss. More intimate this time rather than needy. You will never get tired of Yujin’s lips and her tongue, they’re a masterpiece made for you alone.

Breaking the kiss, Yujin slowly worked her way down kissing you from your lips, to your neck, and your chest and eventually reaching the peak of your summit raging. She pulled your pants down in a rush. You still couldn’t believe that she does not do this often. In just a matter of seconds your pants and underwear are already down, she stared at your manhood for a second.

“How did this even fit in me? It’s so big mr. G..”

 You weren’t paying attention to what she was saying, you were admiring Yujin’s beauty from above. She looked so sexy wearing that black bra, you just had to grope those tits while she jerk you off while sucking and licking your balls. She kept licking that your knees are slowly getting weak. Eventually, Yujin slowly took your inches slowly in her mouth. You groan as she took the full length in her mouth, you hold her head to prevent her from moving away. As soon as you let go, she groaned in a relief and started bobbing her head in a quick pace while playing with your balls.

“How did you get this good in a weeks time!?”

She did not respond, she was way too focused on sucking and making you feel good. Her blows are on another level.

Sucking and bobbing her head, Yujin twirls her tongue on the peak of your summit, going for the casual deep throat that you absolutely love, the feeling of reaching her throat sends chills to your spine.

If this continues, Yujin will suck you dry. You reach for her back and unclasp her strap, she let her hands down for her bra to fall off naturally. You can’t resist her beauty, her body, her tits.

*Snap!*

 Yujin’s pants disappears.

You carry Yujin by her armpits and pin her down on the bed.

*Snap!*

Ropes appeared on your hand, you get a hold of her hands and tied them together on the base of the bed making her unable to move her hands and put them down to hold you. You tease her by kissing her nose and her chin, but not her lips. You can tell she was waiting for it but instead you hungrily suck on her neck while fondling her right tit, pinching her hard nipple. Leaving hickeys all over her neck, moans filled the room. You move your hand off of her tits and slowly onto her cunt. She spread her legs naturally, waiting for your hand to violate her womanhood but you keep your hand right before her cunt, sucking her nipples left and right, you kept teasing Yujin.

“Please Genie! Put it in, please! I’m yours to fuck please!”

That was what you wanted to hear, her begs. You put in two fingers in her cunt, rapidly pulling out and re-inserting. Yujin was already so wet.

The once quiet room is now filled with moans and lust. You were gaining more power and more satisfaction.

You increased the pace of her fingers, making sure to insert the whole fingers without reducing the pace, you switch from sucking her nipples to giving hickeys on her neck.

“I’m cum- I’m cumming, Genie make me cum!”

You grant her wish by increasing the pace once more. Surely enough Yujin just needed a few more push, and she came.

Twitching, you can tell Yujin was getting weaker as she has already reached her climax, she’s in a very sensitive state. Her cunt is still squirting cum and you loved it.

“Who said you can rest?”

You align yourself on top of hers and forcefully impaled her cunt with your manhood which took her by surprise, she was in her most sensitive state, this made her twitch more intensely, arching her back upwards taking more of your cock. You move rapidly, you wanted to take advantage of her being fragile and weak. You inch your face closer to hers, but with no intention to kiss her. You’re close to her face but not close enough for her to reach you. You wanted to see her face, her expression while you’re ravishing her fragile idol body. She was moaning loudly, Yujin is desperately trying to reach your face to kiss you. Without increasing the rapid pace, you slam your hips harder making her eyes twitch. You reach for her pits and lick those flawless beauties. If you were to pick your favorite from Yujin’s body it’s definitely her pits and tits.

“I’m cumming again, Genie! So big! So good! Aahhhhh”

Once again, Yujin came. You can feel her wet folds release more liquid, lubricating her tight cunt more. This just motivated you even more, once again Yujin is taking you in, in her most fragile state. You increase the pace as you were also reaching your limit. You were surprised as Yujin was unconscious, probably fainted from being fucked too hard after cumming twice. You find Yujin so hot even being unconscious, soon enough you feel yourself nearing your limit. A few more push and Yujin was half-awake, moaning softly regaining consciousness.

“I’m cumming Yujin, Ahh!, ugh!”

“In..in me..Genie..”

Sure enough, with a few more push you came in Yujin.

*Snap!*

To be safe.

“Rest well”

You stroke her head, thanking her for extending your life once more.

You find yourself sleeping next to her after exhausting your energy completely.

A few hours after, you wake up to a naked Yujin staring at you clearly with admiration.

“What’s up with you with being naked and staring?”

“Nothing. I just find myself in this situation again, just like last week.”

“So is it true that everytime you satisfy your lust, your life also extends by a week? This keeps you alive?”

“It does, yes.”

“And you repay them with wishes, right?”

“Yes, get dressed. Let’s get something to eat and we’ll discuss your wishes.”

“Right, how many do I have?”

“I’ll give you 2. You passed out twice!”

“You were fucking me so hard after cumming twice!”

She get dressed and you snapped.

*Snap!*

You’re in the dining room. Yujin was searching for her pockets, she pulls out her phone.

When she found it, you were curious at what she was doing giggling and smiling towards her phone.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Hold on Genie, gotta call unnie real quick!”

With a smile on her face she positioned her phone on her ear..

“Unnie! It was great! It’s real, I’m telling you! Believe me just this one time, trust me! Go ahead, don’t be shy! I’ll get going now, bye!”

Yujin looked at you intently, smiling brightly.

“What?”

“Oh nothing!”

*ring*

Your doorbell rings..

Again, you weren’t expecting any guest.

“Tadaaa! I have a gift for you Genie. Remember when you told me that I could invite some friends over and you will grant them their wishes?”

“Yes?”

“Well, I have a friend whose in a bit of pinch right now. She could really use a genie..”

“Let’s go and meet her then.”

Hand in hand with Yujin, you walk towards the door. Yujin still smiling, as if she’s excited to present her gift to you.

You open the door slowly and found a marvelous lady standing shyly in front of your door. She could even pass as an angel you’re to be asked.

“H-hi.. I’m Minju, Yujin’s friend and ex-group member.”

She was wearing a black dress, she was looking stunning, like she just came from a sponsored event. You took a scan of Minju’s body. Her legs were long and toned, a waist same of an hourglass, and a perfect sized breast. You invited her to come in and join you and Yujin for dinner.

You hand Minju your calling card. Minju, obviously nervous took the card and read it. She kept glancing at Yujin, possibly for encouragement.

“Are you.. are you really a genie? I heard about Yujin’s mom. Doctors said it was a miracle.”

*Snap!*

And a fennec fox appeared in front of the table

“I heard people admire your resemblance with these creatures.”

Minju was shocked, her jaws dropped.

“Is this some kind of a magic trick?”

“No unnie! How about I use a wish now to prove it to you unnie?” Yujin butts in.

“Great idea my puppy! How about that Min?”

“I guess..”

“Grant my wish, Genie.. I wish a vibrator would appear on my hand right now.”

*Snap!*

And the vibrator appears

“That’s a waste of wish, you got one left.”

“It’s okay, I can get more wishes soon anyway.” She winks at you

Minju, still in disbelief after seeing the whole thing.

“What, what the!? Where did that came from Yujinnie?”

“I told you unnie, he’s for real! Tell him your problem, he’ll tell you what you have to do for it.”

“Wait, you didn’t tell her my methods Yujin?” You ask

“Well, I wanted to surprise her you know?”

“Fine! Well, to be exact... I am Mr. G, short for Genie, and I am a genie of lust. I gain life and power from lust. You give me sexual favors, I give you wishes depending on your performance.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Okay!? What do you mean okay?”

“Okay as in I understood.”

“You’re not even shocked, or even ask questions?”

“Honestly, I figured that would be the case considering how Yujin kept on talking about having sex with such a powerful guy. I guess I didn’t expect that powerful guy to be a genie.”

“Right, makes sense to me.”

“Depends on my performance right? I can wish for anything?”

“Anything. As long as you’re a good girl.”

“My contract on being an MC is expiring soon, I declined offers on being an idol again, but I’m not getting any acting gigs either. I need a job, If this is what it takes for me to still have exposure then so be it.”

Minju looks at Yujin

“I trust you Yujin, this better be real.. I’m..I’m risking myself here.”

“You won’t be disappointed unnie! Now, how about we get this show started. Right, Genie?”

“You bet.”

*Snap!*

[wwilloww]

backstage | myg

Pairing: Idol!Yoongi x Reader

Genre:  Smut.

Rating: Explicit.  

WC: 4.2k

Summary: With the sounds of the stadium still ringing in his ears, Yoongi just needs to get away — just for a moment. And you have exactly the right idea about how to distract him.

Warnings: bathroom sex. oral (m receiving). implicit themes of powerplay. dirty talk. mild hair pulling. throat fucking. super duper like barely visible breathplay. penetrative sex. unprotected sex (don’t be a silly goose!! wrap it before ya tap it!). themes of exhibitionism. creampie. cumplay. mentions of group sex.

AN: What was supposed to be a simple 1k of smut turned into 4k of… more smut. What originally started as a challenge to write a bj in a way I enjoyed turned into 4k of a bj that I really enjoyed. I have to give 1 million baskets of thanks to Renae @mygsii​ and Lil @hesperantha​ for being the most incredible beta readers out there. They put so much time and energy into this and helped me sculpt this into its final version. And of course, thank you to the crew at BTS Smut Hub for their eternal thirst and support. Ya keep me going. 

|| masterlist || navigation ||

©️wwilloww Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without my permission. 

Backstage

Yoongi sighs, letting his eyes fall shut as he leans back against the door. The sound of the screaming crowd still rings in his ears, muffling the sounds of the world around him. He can still feel the rhythm and vibration of tonight’s music reverberating through his bones. If anything, the combination of exhaustion and overstimulation should have left him dead to the world. But instead every nerve in his body is alight, singing in sensitivity.

He’d needed air away from the post-concert bustle. The smallest details were grating on his nerves, even when they should have been insignificant, unnoticeable. He’d been so busy lately, no time for the things that actually brought him pleasure. He needed to get away, just for a moment.

With one hand tangled in your hair, the other gripping the doorknob, he looks down at you. All he can think is that he’d never seen anything quite so angelic. Your eyes turned devotedly up to him, lashes fluttering so sweetly — you could be sucking on a lollipop.

“God, you look so fucking cute sucking my dick.”

The timbre of his voice resonates through you, going straight to your cunt. The tight pout you have around him turns up as you try not to smile, mouth full of cock.

“You couldn’t fucking wait until we got home before you needed cock? Are you that desperate?”

You answer with your eyes, a mischievous glint sparking through them.

He had been stealing glances at you the whole night, searching the darkness of the wings for your familiar figure. Every swell and curve of your body was so familiar to him now that he swore he could have spotted you even if you were lost in the masses of the audience. What would it have been like for you to be out there, your eyes locking together? Hunting through a sea of searching hands to find your undeniable steadiness and gleaming presence. There’s a part of him that thinks that even with the lights blinding him and the unending wave of faces that he would know you were out there, would be able to feel your company.

Still, he chased your gaze in the crowd of stage hands and stylists and technicians. You were hidden away, watching him perform from a small break in the stage. The whole night you had watched, aptly glancing between the performance screen and the small crack, just waiting for Yoongi to pop into view on your small sliver of sight. And everytime he did, you couldn’t help but glow, a smile pouring across your face and lighting up your entire being.

You’d seen him rehearse, of course. You’d seen him perform in front of cameras and studio audiences and at awards shows. But this was different. There was an extra sharpness to his movements, a force behind his voice. The energy of the audience was undeniable and you knew it pushed him forward to perform the best you’d ever seen him perform.

You grabbed his hand almost immediately after he had stepped off stage, wrapping him in a tight hug.

“I’m so proud of you,” you mumbled into his chest. You held him there in silence, heart full of awe and admiration. It was a moment before you looked up to see a stylist just standing there, still holding a towel to his face. You quickly apologized to her, as she continued to try to pat the sweat off of his face. Technicians and staff and members bustled around, everyone jostling into one another. Even as you held his hand, he looked lost. As you watched, you noticed frustration flit across his face, saw his slip into stubbornness as she continued to do her job. You’d seen this look before and knew it well: overload.

In a snap decision, you tugged him away without explanation to the woman still dabbing his forehead or any of the members busting around him, mumbling “Come with me.” You left the poor stylist stuttering and flustered behind you as you dragged him— much to his protest— to the closest single bathroom.

Slamming the door shut, you turned him around so he was leaning against the frame.  

“Are you okay?” you asked softly.

He nodded, leaning into your touch as you reached up to hold his face between your hands. You let your thumbs run over the pink of his cheeks until you saw the frustration dissipate from his features. You knew he was tired. Knew he was riding the high of the concert. Knew he was stuck somewhere between excitement and overwhelm. As soon as the crease in his brow softened, you pressed a kiss to his lips. Light, fluttering. Just enough to ground the both of you.

“What did you think?” he asked when you pulled back, searching your eyes.

“You’re amazing.”

“Everyone did so well tonight, I was—”

“No. You’re amazing.” you repeated. “You.”

He began to reach for your lips again, that heavy-lidded look that you loved so much taking over his features. But instead of taking him into your embrace, you pushed him back against the door, his back hitting the solid wood with a slight thud.

“Let me,” you said, swatting away his wandering hands. “Hands off.” You stepped back, letting your hand wander up the warm skin of your arm until you reached the strap of your dress, teasing it between your fingers. “You’re frustrated. And you’ve been working so hard. Don’t you think you’ve earned something for all of your efforts?”

You watched him swallow, his adam’s apple bobbing. Ever-so-slowly, you began to slide the soft fabric down your body, taking your sweet time as you did so. Even as your attentions were focused on dragging out this moment as long as possible — making him wait for you — your gaze was focused on his features. His every movement. The way his eyes darkened, his head tilting down to better gaze upon you, his jaw dropping ever so slightly as he watched on. As the dress came down to your hips, you let go and it pooled around your ankles.

Delicately, you stepped over it and towards the dazed man in front of you.

“No bra?” he gulped. You shook your head as he swallowed and righted himself, his voice dropping as he spoke.  “You walked around all night with nothing on, but that tiny piece of fabric underneath that dress?”

“Mhmm,” you hummed, walking towards him. “Just for you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Would you really have been able to focus on stage — thinking about me, like this, just waiting for you?”

He reached for you then, rather than answering you, but you pushed his hands away and slid to your knees before him. You made quick work of unbuckling his belt, not bothering to pull his pants down before you pulled his already-hard cock out of his boxers.

“How long have you been hard?” you asked, slowly stroking him, watching the way his cock twitched in your hand.

“For the past hour.”

“Good.” You smirked up at him before opening your mouth just enough that he could see your pink tongue. “Then use me.” He sucked a harsh breath in. With one hand still wrapped around his length, you leaned closer and let the head rest heavy on your tongue.

Seeing you like this, so perfectly laid out for him, feeling the cushiony softness of your tongue against the base of his cock, Yoongi couldn’t help but groan, his hips thrusting involuntarily towards you.

You’d had enough teasing. You had wrapped your lips around him and took him into your mouth.

He fell apart beneath your touch.

And now you slowly slide down his length, taking as much of him into the wet warmth of your mouth as possible. He watches as your lips wrap even tighter around him, the perfect mix of pout and absolute devastation. You swirl your tongue against the bottom of his cock to the best of your ability as you bob up and down on him.

He groans. Loudly. Loud enough that you hear a muffled “What the fuck was that?” on the other side of the door.

Your sharp inhale of breath, still wrapped around him, catches his attention.

“You like knowing that someone out there knows I’ve got my cock down your throat, don’t you?”

The sharpness of his words sends a shock straight through your body. You nod to the best of your ability. Other than the hand he has in your hair, you hadn’t let him touch you all night — and because of that you are left overly sensitive to his every word, his every touch.

“Good girl.”

Cunt clenching involuntarily at the words, you’re thankful you left your panties on, knowing you’d be dripping down your thighs by now if you had opted to take them off.

Usually, you would take it slow. Torture his orgasm out of him like it was something to be built towards, drawn out. But tonight you are chasing his pleasure, watching every little fold in his brow, noticing every moment his grip in your hair tightened, feeling every time his clothed thighs tensed beneath your grasp.

He’s still dressed in his last outfit of the concert. His brow glistens with sweat. The flush on his face is a mixture of the remnants of his performance and the pleasure you were currently coaxing from him.

“Fuck my mouth, baby,” you say, pulling off of his cock long enough to let the words slip out. A trail of saliva connects your swollen lips to the head of his dick, red and darkened with his near-painful arousal.

“How can you be so adorable and say such filthy things?”

It was more of a muse than an actual question. He loved your duality. Your ability to flirt and play so innocently out in public, and then flip a switch as soon as the door was closed. And not just the bedroom door, he thinks. Any door, apparently.

He is quick to press his hand to the back of your neck to pull you back to his crotch, the head of his cock bumping up against your cheek. He quickly wraps a hand around the base, teasing your searching lips with the bulbous head. You chase him, whining when he chuckles. It isn’t until you look up to him, a serious pout falling across your lips that he finally feeds it to you.

You take him in one go, the tip of his cock bumping against the back of your throat. It hits just hard enough that you gag. He tries to slow his motions—to pull back— but you blink away your tears and glance up at him, before pushing down further, knowing you could take it, knowing you want to take it.

A choked moan slips out of him as you ease him into your throat, the tightness of your pulsing walls sending stars through his body. Hands gripping his thighs like they were the only things in the world, you begin to pulse back and forth. When you look up at him, he is gazing down at you, that mix of power and desire that you so love dancing in his eyes.

You release him from your throat, gasping hoarsely.

“Is that all you can take?” He slips both of his hands into your hair where they tangle with your thick locks. The hardness of his many rings presses against your scalp, offered a startling contrast to the strength of his hands and the gentle tug of your hair. He waits for a moment, gauging your unyielding eye contact to make sure you could. As soon as he recognizes that spark in your eyes and feels your hands squeeze twice around him—your signal of consent—he’s  moving again, easing his thick cock back into you.

He pushes fully into your mouth, a deep graveled groan ripping through his chest as the tightness of your throat wraps around him. Beginning to thrust, he tightens his grip in your hair, bobbing your head to his own pace. You do your best to relax the muscles in your neck and throat, to erase everything but the sensation of the man you love fucking in and out of your mouth.

His pace is perfect, not too fast, not too slow. You feel the head of his cock push past your uvula and into your throat. With one hand, you reach up, your hand coming to wrap around your own throat.

Beneath the sensitive skin of your hand, you feel his tip bulging through the delicate skin with each thrust and you groan at the sensation. He shudders at the reverberations of your voice, pulsing through him. There’s something wild, indescribably dirty, to the feeling of his cock through your skin, to feeling him chasing his orgasm from inside and outside you at the same time. His nails scrape deliciously against your scalp as you continue to moan around him, the vibrations of your pleasure coursing through his cock and straight up his spine.

“Take all of it, baby,” he grunts, and you know he’s close to his release. Your hand tightens around your throat, tears springing to your eyes, drool dripping down your chin.

As Yoongi looks down on you—mascara running and mouth sloppy with a mix of your drool and his precum—arousal sears through his body. The absolute devotion in your eyes pushes him further towards the edge.

Tonight was supposed to be about you, too. Even though you had been around the other guys for months now, this was your first stadium concert, your chance to really step into his world— and yet here you are on your knees in a backstage bathroom with a very thin door, just for him.

What had he ever done to deserve someone like you?

He thrusts his hips forward into your waiting mouth, earning a delighted moan from you. He is so close— so close to his release, so close to pouring himself out down your warm, waiting throat. That unmistakable warmth sears through his abdomen, pulling him closer, drawing him nearer to— he feels your hand tap gently twice against his thigh, your tell for him to release you.

He stops immediately, gripping his cock as he pulls out of the confines of your throat and untangles his grip from your hair. He drops to his knees before you, reaching for you. His thumb brushes over the streams of mascara off of your cheeks.

“You alright, love?” The dominating tone is gone now, concern in its place.

You smile at him, coming to place your hand over the one that cupped your cheek. It’s a sweet, loving gesture — and you sigh into it — but all sense of sweetness is broken by your next words.  

“I need you to fuck me.”

“I— uh, what? Are you sure?”

“I need you to fuck me,” you repeat, seriously. “I can’t believe you would think I could go without your cock all night — that I could walk out of here without your cum dripping down my legs.” You pout.

Just like that, he’s pulling you to your feet and spinning you around so that your waist hits the cold marble of the sink. With absolute control, he runs his hand up your spine until it reaches the middle and he pushes, adding a delicious arch to your back.

He is quick to line himself up with your sopping entrance, pulling the fabric of your panties to the side so he can slide the head of his cock through your dripping folds.

“Did sucking my cock make you this wet?” You whine, pushing back on him, desperate to feel him fill you. He clucks his tongue. “You’re so eager to please, maybe I should just shove my cock right back down your throat and take my own pleasure.”

“Noo,” you whine wantonly. “Need you.” You look up at the pair of you in the mirror. Your eyes are dark and filled with lust, face stained with mascara and remnants of his fucking. You are bare naked, minus the thin straps of your panties. Behind you, Yoongi stands fully clothed, his belt unbuckled just enough for him to grip his cock and hold it against you. The top button of his shirt has come undone, revealing a sheen of sweat. But it’s his face, the look he wears, that captures you.

Pure, unadulterated adoration dresses his features as he meets your gaze in the mirror.

He hooks a finger under your panties, pulling them to the side, and runs a thumb over your entrance. Your back arches at the touch, having denied yourself for so long.

Without warning, he presses the head of his cock to your entrance and begins to slide in.

Getting him off had always been a practice in edging yourself. You’d learned this over the months you’d spent with the beautiful man behind you. The more you saw his pleasure unravel before you, the more pleasure you felt. It didn’t matter if you weren’t particularly interested in whatever it was you were doing — you were interested in him. So as his thick girth begins to fill you, the new sensation bursts through your senses, searing your cunt with pleasure.

You let loose a whine, one that feels like it was pulled from the depths of your abdomen. Primal. Wanting. “Yoongi,” you gasp.

“What the fuck is going on in there?!” You hear someone call from the other side of the door, but you choose to ignore them, instead turning your attention to pushing back on Yoongi’s cock.

“Did you lock the door?” you pant.

“No — did you?”

“No.” He turns to lock it, but you stop him, reaching behind you to grab his arm. 

“Leave it. Just fuck me, please.”

He grins at you in the mirror. “Fuck,” he hisses. “You like the idea of someone walking in on you?” You groan, your cunt clenching around him at his words. “To see you split open on my cock, moaning my name like only I can make you?”

“Yes,” you choke out as he rams into you especially hard. “Wan’ them to know.”

“To know what?”

“That you’re mine.”

Yoongi swivels his hips against yours, drawing a particularly loud moan from you.

“Fuck.”

“Touch yourself,” he growls. “Make yourself come on my cock.”

You whimper, your body shaken by his relentless thrusts. Still, you reach down, fingers drifting over the sensitive bundle of nerves.

Yoongi continues to rail into you, his hips grinding in a slight circle each time he bottoms out. Even as your breath hitches in your throat as you begin your ministrations on your clit — slow circles, building in strength and speed — all you can think about iss the way he bit his lip as he looked down on you. The way his brow furrowed in delicious concentration like you were the only thing worth paying attention to in the world.

He adjusts his grip on your hips, his long fingers pressing into your abdomen. You know there will be bruises there tomorrow.

The new grip allows him to thrust up into you with a new viciousness.

“Fuck, princess, you’re so tight around me.”

The glaze in his eyes tells you he is close to his release and so you increase your pace, the sensation of his cock pounding into you and the calculated swirl of your fingers building the perfect tension.

“Ah, fuck, gonna cum,” Yoongi hisses.

“Cum inside,” you beg.

He groans at your words. You want him as deep within you as you could possibly get him. Want him on you, in you, surrounding you.

With one final thrust, he wraps his arms around you, pressing his clothed torso to your bare back. He thrusts shallowly a couple times before a thin groan resonates through his chest and you can feel his cock twitch within you, painting your walls with his cum.

With a cry, you feel the watery band of pleasure snap inside of you. You fall forward, catching yourself on your elbows as you feel Yoongi’s hand drift down to your clit, circling you through your pleasure.

His breath is heavy, shakey against your back. The two of you stay like that for a while, just breathing together.

Yoongi pulls out, tucking himself back into his pants. He begins to reach for one of the hand towels in the stack but you hold your hand out.

“Keep it in,” you whisper. His eyes shoot up to yours. With a slight grin, he pulls your panties back over your cunt, sealing his cum inside you. With a playful tap to your still-sensitive mound, he stands, hands pressed into your hips.

“You’re gonna keep that inside for me, hm?” he murmurs into your ear, the brush of his words raising goosebumps on your skin. “You’re gonna walk around all night with my cum still inside of you. You’re gonna leave it in until we get back to the hotel and I can fuck it out of you again.”

Your eyes widen as you looked at Yoongi.

If he keeps talking like that, you’d be ready to go again in a minute. And judging by the semi he was sporting, he would be too.

You giggle to yourself as you pull your dress back on. Yoongi has finished dressing and now stands, facing the mirror, picking through his hair as he continues to steal glances at you. You are glad you brought your purse into the bathroom. You reach in to pull out a pack of makeup removers. Just as you are about to dab away the mix of tears and mascara from your cheeks, you feel Yoongi’s fingers wrap around your wrist.

“Here,” he says softly. “Let me.”

You smile at the man, a pink flush still painting his cheeks. Ever so gently he wipes away the black makeup from your face, taking his time to make sure he doesn’t pull at your skin or miss a spot.

“All done,” he says, tossing the wipe into the trash can. “Good as new.”

You turn back to the mirror. Makeupless, fuck evident, but good enough.

“Thanks babe,” you say, pulling him tight against you and kissing him lightly. Your tongue skates over the pink swell of his lower lip, but the kiss remains light and playful. He sighs into you, his hand running up your back.

“I love you,” he mumbles against your lips before stepping back. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

Yoongi reaches for the doorknob.

“Oh!” You can feel your mixed cum beginning to leak out of your cunt and run down your leg. You snap your legs together, impulsively reaching out to Yoongi to grasp onto his arm as a nervous laugh bursts out of you.

“What—” His eyes flicker downwards to where a rivulet of white shines on the skin of your inner thigh. The dress you wore tonight is short, and leaves little to the imagination. But the image of his, his cum running down your inner thigh has him swallowing hard, his hand coming into a fist as his heart jumps into his throat.

Your eyes are large, blinking up at him as his hand comes down to rest on your waist. Ever-so-slowly, he kneels before you, eyes level with your hips. Gently, he pushes your leg aside so your thighs are no longer clenched together and rolls the hem of your dress up.

“Wha—”

“Shh,” he hushes you.

Looking up at you, he leans in. His pink tongue darts out between swollen lips and he presses it to the inside of your leg. You gasp at the warmth. In the afterglow of your orgasm, your whole body sings with sensitivity.

Slowly, deliberately, he licks up the trail of his own come, collecting the white substance into his mouth. You nearly groan at the sight. When he reaches your panties, he closes his mouth and swallows, pressing a kiss to your inner thigh before rising to his feet. You run a hand through his hair, tugging him to you. As he kisses you, you can taste the mix of both of your juices on his tongue and you press deeper into the salty taste.

“We should go back,” Yoongi murmurs against you. “Before anyone thinks we’ve gone missing.” He chuckles in your hair, finally unlocking the door.

Jimin stands there, his mouth agape.

“Why do you always have to be so fucking loud?” he asks with a scowl, shaking the shock out of his eyes. “Like great, we all know you have a killer sex life, do you have to rub it in our faces too?” he grumbles.

You chuckle, pulling your friend into a side hug.

“Maybe next time you should join us, and we can do something about that bruised ego of yours.” You wink at Yoongi, feeling his hand settle heavy on your lower back as you rejoin the sway of the crowd.

“Maybe,” he growls into your ear. He pulls you tight against him as he smirks at Jimin.

taglist: @thatmultifandomhoe​ @spicykoreantatertots​@usuallynervoussheep​@hesperantha​ @myimaginationsrunningwild​​ @ot7always​​ @thatlongspringnight​​ @ladyartemesia​ @ppersonna​ @ezralia-writes​

|| masterlist || navigation ||

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Night Crawling

Sam x Reader

Word Count: ~3350

Warnings: Some explicit smutty goodness in a dive bar bathroom, some recreational drug use, some Sam feels. 

A/N: I really thought I was going to write PWP for once. As usual, some feels snuck in. Set at some vague point in Season 5. 

I’ve had the new Miley Cyrus album on repeat all day; inspiration, title, and bathroom graffiti quote all came from “Night Crawling.” Listen to that and “Gimme What I Want” if you want maximum ~atmosphere~ or whatever while reading. 

“Another?” Sam asks, leaning in to make himself heard over the music. He gives me a twisted, wicked version of his usual dimpled smile. There’s a drop of tequila clinging to his lip, and I want to lick it off. He’s so close. 

My head is still spinning from the last shot and from his attention. I shake it off. 

“Bathroom, I’ll be back,” I tell him. 

Sam’s in a fucking mood tonight. Not that I blame him. Time is ticking away, faster by the day it feels like; if Lucifer was after me, I’d take whatever escape I could get. 

Dean’s at the motel, hopefully putting some ice on his twisted ankle or maybe sleeping, and normally Sam would be fussing over him like an overgrown fucking mother hen. Instead, he suggested that we go “blow off some steam,” looking at me with this glint in his eyes, like he was daring me. 

So… here we are, getting fucked up in a grimy rock club, watching some Nine Inch Nails wannabes wail like a porn soundtrack over a dirty industrial bassline. 

Sam fucking Winchester. Always full of surprises. 

It’s one of those single-occupancy dive bathrooms where I don’t want to touch anything or, like, inhale too hard. It’s impossible to tell what color the walls originally were under the layers of concert flyers and graffiti. There’s probably enough cocaine residue on the chipped porcelain sink counter to get an elephant high. That kind of place. 

He wants me almost as much as I want him, I’m pretty sure, but I never thought either of us would act on it. Too many complications, too many ways to fuck it all up… now, though? The entire world is fucked. Might as well get laid before it all goes to shit.

Two lines of red Sharpie scrawl next to the mirror grab my attention: night crawling, sky falling, gotta listen when the Devil’s calling. 

Yeah. Well. 

I don’t think either of us will make it out of this alive, but he doesn’t want to. That’s what this is all about, really. He started this apocalypse. He’ll never forgive himself if he lives through it. I’ll never forgive him if he doesn’t. 

I wash my hands and splash some water on my cheeks, bracing myself. I can feel the chemicals kicking up my spine, now.

If Sam fucking Winchester needs to indulge his self-destructive streak and get out of his head for a night, I’ll keep him company. Fuck knows I’ll never say no to him. I’ll stay with him til the end, if he lets me. 

It hits me again: this is the end. The world is about to end, and that sweet, sexy, puppy-eyed motherfucker out there is at the center of all of it. Heaven, hell, good, evil… and Sam. If tonight is what we’ve got — if this is all we’ll ever get — I’ll take it. I’ve always wanted more, but… this’ll do. It’ll have to do. 

He’s slouching against the wall, right outside the bathroom hallway. He gives me this dark, hungry grin when he sees me, and maybe whatever was in that pastel blue pill is making itself known, or maybe it’s just Sam that’s sending a wave of prickly heat over my skin… either way, it feels good. 

“C’mon,” he says, passing me a cup of ice water, and then he’s gripping me by the wrist, pulling me into the crowd. 

Sam doesn’t dance, and he sure as hell doesn’t dance with me, but he’s not fucking around: hands on my waist, hair falling in his eyes as he looks down at me, cheeks flushed, moving with the beat. I rest my free hand on his upper arm, right where the swell of his bicep flexes against the soft cotton sleeve of his t-shirt, and I can’t help but squeeze slightly, feeling hot skin and muscle under my palm. I swallow hard. 

Sam leans in closer. I can smell him, the natural scent of his sweat under the spice of his deodorant, and it’s so overwhelming that I shiver. 

He gets his lips right up against my ear, the deep rumble of his voice a physical thing that I can feel as well as hear: “Ever just get sick of being yourself?” 

Jesus. 

“Yeah,” I mumble, mouth dry. I don’t know if he hears me but it doesn’t really matter. 

“I think too much. I don’t want to think tonight. Is that okay?” 

I suck in a breath. “Don’t need to explain, Sam. I get it.” 

“Yeah?” he asks, heavy-lidded, golden skin shining with sweat in the flecks of light coming off the disco ball. “Dance with me.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, Sam, anything you want.”

I toss back the cup of water, gulping it down, too eager; some of it trickles down my chin. I don’t care. I drop the cup and run my hand up Sam’s chest. His eyes flutter closed and he licks his lips, sinful, gorgeous. For a moment I think he might say something but instead he spins me around and hauls me closer, my back to his chest. 

The song is filthy, all thudding funk hooks and wild drums. There’s this frantic heat behind it that has me sinking under the surface, swimming through the riff, and the pulse of it wriggles down my spine and works itself out through my hips as I toss my head. It’s the kind of rhythm that’s made for sweating all over a stranger. 

Sam might as fucking well be a stranger right now. I never knew he could move like this. 

His hips swivel and twist, and his hands slide down to my thighs, pinning me against the solid muscled heat of his body. I feel reckless. I feel high and overstimulated and utterly fearless, and I can feel his touch echoing through me, inside me, throbbing down my belly to where I’m empty and suddenly aching. 

As soon as I think about it, the emptiness hits me hard. My cunt is clenching around nothing in time with the gritty slap of percussion. I arch my back and rub myself against Sam shamelessly. 

He’s hard against my ass, hard and getting harder with every shrieking lick of guitar, and the awareness of it sends a thrill down through the core of me, like a bolt of lightning striking between my legs. My breath catches and hisses out of my lungs like I’m a punctured balloon. I feel dizzy. 

It’s all so intense right now. Every inch of my skin is fizzing, and the simple curl of his fingers around my wrist has me shuddering like he’s stroking something much more intimate. 

On any other night I would try to step back, to get myself under control… I’d start thinking, and I wouldn’t be able to stop, and I’d get stuck in my head instead of giving in to the mind-blowingly intimate thrill of his fingertips pressing into my pulse. 

We’re not thinking tonight. I couldn’t think straight even if I wanted to. 

The beat changes, segueing into something low and slinking and goddamn obscene. I’m dripping with sweat — mine or Sam’s? I can’t tell — and my skin is on fire, and I want Sam in this awful, all-consuming way that I’ve never wanted anything or anyone.

So I don’t think about it; I just turn, twisting in his arms until we’re face to face, or rather, face to chest. He’s biting his lip, expression almost pained as he grips my waist and slots a thigh between mine. I snake my arms around his neck and roll my hips, feeling the seam of my jeans dragging up the sensitive spot between my legs, and I’m absurdly grateful for the way the music drowns out any embarrassing noise I might make. 

There’s a drop of sweat sliding down the corded muscle of his neck. It trickles to a glittering halt right at eye level, in the hollow of his throat, and I can see his Adam's apple bob as he swallows. I could fall down and worship whatever god invented the v-neck. 

I don’t fall to my knees, but I do lean forward and taste his skin. Salt floods my tongue. 

Sam’s hand runs up my back, cups the nape of my neck, and he doesn’t so much guide me as yank, tilting my head to meet the rough urgent sting of his teeth and the soft slide of his tongue. I groan into his mouth, and his hands flatten at the small of my back, pulling me impossibly closer. I want to shove myself against him until I can burrow under his skin. 

His mouth. He nips and sucks and explores, lips on mine with crushing force one second, whisper-sweet the next. 

I’m melting. I must be melting. 

I hold on for dear life, delirious, drunk on the way he’s kissing me. I’ve imagined this before, but I never imagined it like this. 

We’re still dancing, or something like it anyway; his hips swivel, and I rut against him, my entire body throbbing with animalistic need. Sam shifts his weight, grinding against me, and I can feel the fat stiff length of him right up against my center. I whimper, desperate and wanton. 

One hand slides up my back, around my ribs, up, until he can trace the curve of my breast with his thumb and then pinch my nipple through my bra. When I buck against him, he does it again. My knees don’t want to support me any more. 

I’m a half-second away from coming just like this. I’m shaking. 

“The fuck are we doing?” Sam says roughly. He nips my earlobe.

“Not thinking, remember?” I snap, and then I’m stumbling back, almost falling, tugging him by the wrist as I start to weave through the crushing press of bodies. My heart is pounding. Everything blurs together. My skin feels too cold without him all over it. 

There’s one open bathroom, no line, no reason to hesitate. The heavy door closes behind us and the deadbolt slides home with a metallic echoing thud. 

He’s already crowding me back, hands on my cheeks, tip of his nose brushing mine. I grab at the front of his shirt, fingers twisting in the sweat-damp fabric. My ass hits the counter and I surge up clumsily to kiss him. The angle’s off; our teeth clack together. 

We laugh and fit ourselves back together, bodies like puzzle pieces in that fucking song Sam would never admit he loves, and I could cry with relief at the way he feels under my hands. I can feel him breathing, the harsh rise and fall of his chest, and I can feel the heat of him, blood and sweat and bone, solid and real and here and mine, at least for tonight. 

He fumbles with the button of my jeans and kisses me like he’s drowning. Then he curls two long fingers up and into me, grinding the heel of his hand against my clit. I lean back, heels skidding on the dirty tile as I try to brace myself and rock my hips up all at once. 

“Need you to fuck me,” I bite out, remarkably steady considering the way I’m trembling. 

“You gonna regret this tomorrow?” Sam asks. He twists his fingers, knuckles stretching me open, so good my eyes roll back in my head. 

Tomorrow… we’re not going to think about tomorrow. 

“Might regret waiting this long,” I groan. Understatement of the century. 

“You ‘n me both. You sure?” He’s staring down at me and he looks wrecked: pupils blown, lips swollen, hair clinging to his temples where his skin is streaked with sweat. 

“Do you feel how close I am?” I grab his wrist with one hand, holding him there, fucking myself on his fingers as I try to pull my jeans down with the other hand. 

Sam’s mouth drops open and his eyes go unfocused for a second. Whatever self-control he had left is gone. He pulls his hand away, and I whine at the loss, but together we get my pants down, and I kick them off as he gets his belt open. He’s just as big as I always imagined, proportional to those sinfully long elegant fingers, and my mouth fucking waters as I watch him stroke himself. 

He bites his lip, chest heaving, and tugs me up onto the very edge of the grimy sink counter. Before I can find my balance he’s right there, hooking an arm under my knee so that he can spread my legs wider, and he’s guiding the hot velvety head of his cock down my center and in, and the slick blunt pressure of it makes me claw at his back, trying to get him closer even though I can barely handle how good that first thick inch feels. 

“Fuuu - unnhhhhh - fuck, Sam, I need…” I choke out, and then all I can do is pant breathlessly, incoherent, as he rocks his hips and starts to stretch me open. I’m helpless like this, no leverage to do anything but sit there and take it, and he moves so maddeningly slow that I’m going out of my skull. 

“God, look at you,” he breathes. “So fucking good. Always wondered what you’d look like taking my cock. Always imagined you begging. Are you gonna beg for me?” 

“If you don’t shut the fuck up and give it to me, Sam, I swear —” 

“Yeah?” he growls. He grips my hips hard enough to bruise.

I wrap my legs around his waist, hooking my ankles together, leaning back on my hands, and then I can arch my back and pull him deeper, working myself onto his cock. 

“Sam —” I start, but before I can say anything else he slams home, grinding in hard and fast, and my voice cracks on a stuttering, incoherent whine. It’s blindingly good. He’s steely-hard and so goddamn thick I feel like I’m about to split open, like one wrong move is going to pull me apart. His first rolling thrust sparks this wrenching wave of pressure that fills me up and shakes me down to the tips of my toes, my entire body rippling with feverish heat. 

“That’s my girl,” he pants. He pulls me against him and twists up, rough and filthy, and I shudder against him, writhing, mindless and overwhelmed. 

“Sam,” I choke out. My voice is high-pitched and squeaky-thin, and the next sharp thrust makes me forget whatever I was going to say beyond, “Nnnnhhhhhyesohgod.” 

“There?” 

“Fuck. Yes.” 

He moans, low and broken, and finds that perfect spot again, grinding into it with eye-popping force.

I can feel it, pleasure cramping through me with every movement, coiling up, building around the deep throbbing ache where he’s fucking into me. I feel like a wild animal, primal and lost.

“Good girl. Fuck, feels so good.”

I clutch at his shoulders, muscles quaking, burying my face in his neck as all that white-hot pressure peaks inside me. I let out an ugly, anguished sob, can’t hold it back, and then all I can feel is the all-consuming spasm of my orgasm, tension rocketing through every inch of me, sending me out into space for a long paralyzed moment. The first pulse of it is so scary-intense that I can’t breathe, can’t control myself, can’t keep track of my own body… 

Then it all comes back at once, and I’m exquisitely aware of Sam against me as he fucks me through it, hips surging forward as I squeeze around him and urge him deeper. 

“Thought about this so many times,” he’s confessing, ragged and raw. 

“Me too,” I gasp.  

He sucks in a shaky breath, moving slower as I start to come down, and I can feel him holding back now. “Think about you so fucking much, I can’t —”

“Me fucking too, Sam.”

He kisses me, gentle in a way that could very easily destroy me. 

“This isn’t how it was supposed to go,” he whispers, forehead sweaty where it rests against mine.  

“Fuck, Sam, don’t — this is —” 

I feel so strange and strung-out, caught between the shivery aftershocks in my belly and the startling tenderness in his voice as he mumbles, “Wanted to take my time.”

“Sam.” 

“Wanted to take my time with you,” he repeats. He moves against me with this slow, snakelike undulation. “Wanted to lay you out and kiss you everywhere and fucking worship you.” 

“We can. We can — I want that.” 

“Never gonna be enough,” he chokes out. “I knew — I knew, if I did this, I’d never want to stop.”

My skin is lit up with the feel of him, liquid heat gathering in my gut as my body responds to every perfect touch, but I’m afraid my ribcage is about to split open with the way my heart is hammering. 

We’re in a goddamn dive bar bathroom, for fuck’s sake, and I’m fucked up, and maybe this will feel cheap and tawdry and silly in the morning, but… somehow I don’t think it will. Somehow this feels like the most important thing that’s ever happened to me. 

“Why’d we wait this long?” I ask. There’s an embarrassing wobble in my voice. 

“Because I’m a fucking idiot,” he grits out. “Because I was scared.” Before I can respond, he kisses me, all teeth and desperation, twisting his hips and swallowing my moan. He slides his hands under my shirt, sliding them up my back, and drags his fingernails down in trails of stinging heat. It’s pleasure and pain and fucking obliteration, and the sensory overload has me spiraling out again. 

“Fuck that,” I half-laugh. My back arches and my voice breaks, and I bite his lip hard enough that I taste copper. 

He groans, full-throated and shameless, and ducks his head, sinking his teeth into the sweat-slick curve of my neck. He sucks, nibbles, and it sets off fireworks behind my eyelids. 

“Close, Sam. So close,” I babble, breathing harsh and heavy. I tangle my fingers in his hair and pull, and I can feel him moan. “Never thought it’d feel like this. It’s — this is so much better —” 

He shudders against me, lets out this long, guttural sound, and then he shifts and pounds into me harder, and all I can do is cling to him, pulling him closer like I’m never going to let go. “C’mon, then. Fuck. Tell me what you want.” 

“Please, Sam. Just — please. Please.” 

“I’d do anything for you,” he growls. “You know that, right?” 

“Anything?” 

“Anything.” 

“Don’t leave me,” I blurt out, as the unbearable tension starts to crest. “Don’t leave me, Sam. Please.” 

I know he hears it. He gasps like I punched him. I can feel him jerk, twitch, fingers clawing at my back, cock twitching and swelling inside me as he starts to come. I bite down on the meat of his shoulder as I let go. My orgasm feels like it’s ripping something loose, an earthquake in my core, and I don’t trust myself not to say exactly what’s on my mind. There’s a surge of pleasure, one glowing wave of it then another, and I’m dimly aware of shuddering against Sam as he rocks into me one more time, clutching him close… as if I could get close enough to keep him here with me. 

It’s impossible to be sad right now. I’m chemically incapable of sadness, still soaring high, but this is so much bigger than sadness anyway. I just feel like I’m about to break. 

“That,” he says, with an ugly sound, half-laugh, half-sob. “That’s what I was afraid of. That I wouldn’t ever want to leave.” 

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “Let’s just — let’s not think about it. Okay? Can we go back to the motel and — can we do that again? Take our time?” 

“Just for tonight?” he asks raggedly. 

“Just for tonight. We’re not going to think about what comes next.” 

He nods. We both know it’s a lie. 

,

,

,

[shartingan]

I'm new here and I personally would LOVE to hear more about your trans headcanons and your reasoning

OK YAYYY !! i’ll just go over the characters i mentioned in that ask. but also just remember every single naruto character is transgender unless i dislike them ^_^

its kind of a long list w explanations so its under read more!!

starting off strong with haku............. what do i even say. we all read land of the waves. just google image search ‘haku naruto’ and if it doesnt click idk what i could even tell you. theyre every type of transgender at once.

neji. it’s neji. sorry for no elaboration if i talk about neji too much i will literally fucking explode. next question.

gai & lee have their fun relationship with youth and masculinity that i personally see reflected in a lot of my irl trans masc/trans man friends. their relationship with not being able to do nin/genjutsu, not caring about that fact, and instead focusing on training themselves and being a shinobi in a completely different way than the society as a whole, even if they get shit for that is also very transgender to me. there’s also that post that went around that was like “lee really looked at gai and thought ‘gender envy’ and completely restyled himself“ or something along those lines.

naruto & hinata i talked about in another ask which can be found here, but originally i just had naruto listed here because i think he’s got to have such an interesting relationship with gender. i know sexy jutsu is played off as a gag like “haha horny 12 year old boy LOL!!” but also naruto’s first jutsu is a way to make him into a hot “female” version of himself...... ok. very cis of u. also i know kurama uses male pronouns, but theyre literally a giant fox made of chakra. i refuse to believe that wouldn’t influence naruto or at the very least open an avenue for naruto to talk about gender with someone.

sasori is a freak w red hair. transmasc.

orochimaru is vaguely canonically nonbinary in boruto, but never said with those words. they just say they’ve been both a man and a woman and so gender doesnt really matter to them. make of that what you will but regardless of gender they serve cunt sooooo #swag. we could get into a big discussion of orochimaru being gay/trans coded and how detrimental that is, but just know before u say anything im aware of it and im just saying this glibly. same thing for sasori.

yamato... YAMATO YAMATO YAMATO........ the whole crux of his rebellion from danzo and root being about his name and choosing it for himself rather than the one he was assigned..... EXQUISITE. he also just has very pleasant vibes and hes got a great design so i think hes transgender. there’s also also this

the rest are based on vibes and i really have no other explanation other than look at them. they are transgender because i know and perceive the truth.

[gxllxghercest]

Okay dokey here we go, first of all thank you for your fic recommendations!! They are all so very good! This fandom really has some highly talented writers, thank you for making me explore some other works besides my usual filters.

And! I want to suggest maybe and idea, see if you like it and wanna comment on it,(God I feel really guilty for this, ahh sorry!!) I've been thinking about Noel stumbling upon fem!boy content and wishing he could've done something like that with Liam in the 90's, like everyone is always going on how beautiful Liam is and of course he agrees and he's like fantasizing about it and I have a whole little fic idea but I feel a bit... embarrassed! So wanna know if u like the idea 😊.

Thank you for your patience with me, I know I let this ask sit for quite a while ❤️ and I'm so glad you like my fic recs but I can't take credit, it's the amazing work of the authors that are what really matter I simply pass along what I love. I'm glad you're reading things outside of your comfort zone, honestly since it's gallaghercest I guess this is the place to do it haha

And omg no please don't feel guilty I literally love hearing people's ideas I wish people would send me more because I'm less of a writer and more if a conceptualist anyway.

And YES I'M SO FOR THIS, I don't know if you've been listening to any of his stuff with Matt morgan recently but with all the talk of knebworth, he's been really nostalgic for mid-90s Liam, he talks about him with such admiration and tenderness it makes me kind if sad tbh.

And this might be a bit of a deviation from the original idea but when I read your ask all I could think about is a fic from Noel's perspective where the entire thing is him jerking off to the thought of femboy Liam. But you know how when you try to jerk off without porn, and you just leave things up to your thoughts the fantasies are never really concrete; your thoughts jump around, skip parts, replay parts, fix the plot, stitch bits together that shouldn't be possible? I'd love for Noel's thoughts to be so frantic and horny that he can't figure out what he'd do to the kid, just knows that he fucking needs him NOW.

His old man brain is telling him that he'd fuck him slow, savour the time he has with this precious relic of the 90s. He'd make Liam speak the whole time just to hear that voice again, hear the way it's so much higher than it is now, breathy and caught up in his throat as he rasps anything and everything that comes to mind because Noel's brain wills him to, "fuck me, fuck my cunt c'mon noel please, faster I can t- ake it fuck fuck ah," and noel would kiss the stray tears that leak out of his eyes from being left hard too long even though there would probably be some makeup sediments in them. He'd make Liam cum all over his panties, and Noel would lick it up off the silky material. But their are pieces of his brain that are hard wired to not treat Liam like this, because there was a time where his two favorite hobbies were making women cry and making Liam cry. That part of Noel's brain keeps leaving flashes in his mind of smeared lipstick against his cock and the slap of his own ringed hand against Liam's clean shaven face. Amidst the visions of fucking Liam slow and gentle there's a dark version of his own voice telling Liam to "cum again," even if he's already overstimulated as fuck, " come on one more fucking time, if you're gonna dress like a bird you might as well fucking cum like one," and suddenly the single stray tear he kissed away has become a stream of mascara as Liam writhes underneath him with an over stimulated cock and round after round of his own cum pooling across his stomach. He'd be violent too probably, leaving bruises all over Liam's pretty skin, biting at his shoulder, you know how it goes.

I'm not a good enough writer to somehow weave those two images together so seamlessly into a single jerk off sesh fic, but it's a nice thought I suppose, that something like that could exist

[crusherthedoctor]

Can we have some unpopular Sonic opinions?

I tried to cram in a lot, so I hope this satisfies you. :P I tried to stick to the ones that I haven't brought up quite as often, since by this point, we all know that I think IDW's storytelling is dire, SA2's story is overrated, X Eggman is an embarrassing portrayal (at least from season 2 onwards), Blaze shouldn't be handcuffed to Silver, Shadow's backstory had issues with or without the Black Arms, Neo Metal Sonic looks silly, etc. But anyway, here we go:

- Knuckles may be tricky to incorporate into plots that don't relate to Angel Island, but making him obsessed with his duties is no better than having him forget about Angel Island entirely.

- I like Marine, and never found her annoying. Oh, I understood what they were trying to do with her, but I honestly wasn't put off by her, and found her Aussie lingo more endearing if anything. Since her debut was during the period in my life where where I couldn't stand Sonic himself, I instead thought he was irritating (and hypocritical) for getting annoyed with her for doing shit he would often be guilty of.

- Silver is just as guilty of being shoehorned into games and plots as the Deadly Six are. Having more fans than the latter is irrelevant, since we're still talking about a character who constantly has to time travel in order to be present.

- Speaking of Silver, if he has to stick around, please do something different with him. They've pulled the doomed future routine multiple times now, and it's been boring every single time. I wasn't interested when it involved Iblis. I wasn't interested when it involved Knuckles drinking the edgy Kool Aid. I wasn't interested when it involved a council of dumbasses... give it a rest already.

- The Tails Doll can work as a mildly creepy thing, with maybe more to it than meets the eye when it's time for a boss fight or what have you. But the memes about him stealing your soul are just dumb, and I thought it was dumb even back in my teenage youth.

- “Eggman is supposed to be clownish!” Yeah, well he's also meant to be a genuine villain with a 300 IQ. These qualities don't have to be mutually exclusive.

- “Sonic is supposed to have attitude!” Yeah, well that's not the same thing as being an absolute cunt. Sonic was only ever meant to come off as having an edge compared to Mario. He was never meant to be a GTA-tier protagonist.

- Rouge is not a villain, and never was a villain. Literally the whole point of her role in SA2 was to reveal that she was working against Eggman and Shadow the whole time, albeit using sneakier tactics to do so. You'd think all those people who exult SA2's story would remember this, but apparently not. She barely even qualifies as an anti-hero, since aside from stealing the Master Emerald, she rarely does anything morally questionable otherwise. She's got a lot more good in her than people give her credit for.

- Captain Whisker is a better Eggman Nega than the actual Eggman Nega. And as far as robot characters in this franchise go, Johnny's design is pretty underrated.

- I don't like Iblis or Mephiles, but I DO like Solaris, and it annoys me that it was out of focus for most of the story due to all the time spent on its less interesting halves. Had they kept the backstory with the Duke and his experiments, and worked from there, I think they could have provided an interesting contrast with Chaos (since Solaris can also qualify as a monster with a sympathetic backstory) instead of recycling the surface level schtick.

- Black Doom may technically be just as bad as Mephiles, Nega, Scourge, Mimic, etc, since he's yet another villain with one-note characterization and fucked over Eggman. But because he never gained a disproportionate fandom, he doesn't annoy me to the same extent. It's easier to ignore him by comparison, and his Dr. Claw voice and face shaped like a lady's delicate part make him enjoyable to mock.

- Likewise, while Lyric is also on the same level as these other villains, it's easier to dismiss him because I was never invested in the Boom games anyway, and being an obvious alternate universe (compared to Sonic X or IDW, which retain the Modern designs and plot elements), it never had an effect on the main series. I also unironically like his design, and if nothing else, at least this snake didn't start a hypnotism fetish across the internet.

- Sally - and the rest of the Freedom Fighters for that matter - have had their importance in the franchise severely inflated. They may have been lucky to be the face of popular media (SatAM and Archie), but they're not these magnificent entities that the game characters are but a speck of dust in comparison to. Having a “legacy” doesn't make them more entitled to shit than any other character, old or new.

- Conceptually, the treasure hunting gameplay is one of the better alternate gameplay styles IMO. But it was let down in SA2 by its one track minded radar (the levels may have been big, but I don't think that would have been an issue on its own if the radar was better). If they brought it back and made it more like SA1's treasure hunting, I'd be all for it, although it would probably be better suited for a spinoff title.

- This goes for a lot of games, but when it comes to 2D, I prefer sprites over models. Not that the Rush models are bad (though the ones in Chronicles sure as fuck are), but the sprites in Mania and the Advance trilogy are just so charming and full of character.

- I actually like Marble Zone. Yeah, the level design is a bit blocky, but I love the concept of an underground temple prison, mixed with lava elements in a zone that otherwise isn't a traditional volcano level.

- I also like Sandopolis Zone. Again, completely understand why it's not the most popular zone around, but I've been a sucker for the Ancient Egyptian aesthetic since childhood (you can thank Crash 3 for that), and Act 1 is visually stunning.

- I prefer the JP soundtrack for Sonic CD over the US version overall... but I also prefer Sonic Boom over You Can Do Anything.

- SA2's soundtrack isn't bad by any means - I love Rouge's tracks, and The Last Scene is one of my favourite pieces of music - but as far as variety goes, it's a step down from SA1's soundtrack.

- If Sonic X-Treme had been released, it probably would have been unenjoyable and confusing. Whatever your thoughts on SA1, it was probably the better option between the two as far as Sonic's first legitimate translation into 3D goes.

- I have no qualms with Modern Sonic and the other Modern designs and characters, but I also fully acknowledge that changing gears from Adventure onwards - and doing it with a great amount of fanfare - was always going to create one of the biggest divides in the fandom, and fans shouldn't act surprised that this happened. The fact that they felt the need to hype up a new design and direction in the first place (compared to Mario, who has mostly been the same since the beginning, with only the occasional minor change with little fanfare) also indicates that they weren't confident enough in Sonic and his universe being the way it was, which often gets ignored by all the “SEGA have no confidence!!!” complaints you see with their recent games.

- Unleashed did not deserve the incredibly harsh reviews it received back in the day... but it doesn't deserve its current sacred cow status either. It had more effort put into it than '06 to be sure, and I can respect that, but much of it was misguided effort, and even if you like the Werehog, you have to admit that the idea came at the absolute worst time. The intro cutscene may be awesome, as is the Egg Dragoon fight, but 2% doesn't make up the entire game. Chip was also quite annoying, and I wasn't particularly sad when he pressed F in the chat at the end.

- On the other hand, while Colours definitely has its shortcomings, and people have every right to criticse those shortcomings, a lot of its most vocal detractors tend to have a stick up their arse about the game because people actually enjoyed it, and it had a gimmick that people actually liked. Yes, it may have been the first game to have those writers everyone hates, but then SA1 was the first game to give the characters alternate gameplay styles and have other villains upstage Eggman, so...

- Forces is absolutely not on the level of '06. It's nowhere close. A game being flawed does not make it the next '06, clickbait YouTubers. Or should I say, the game they want to retroactively apply '06's reception to, since they've been trying hard to magically retcon '06's own quality...

- To echo @beevean, ALL of the 3D stories have their issues. SA1 is probably the most well-rounded of them on the whole, but even that one isn't perfect.

- To echo another opinion, although I do love SA1, I'm not crazy over the idea of a remake, and would prefer them to just take Sonic's gameplay from SA1 and work from there. Because with a remake, you're stuck in a hard spot: Do you keep it the way it is bar the expected graphical upgrades, and risk accusations of not doing anything to actually improve the experience? Or do you try to address past criticisms, and risk the wrath of the fans who will inevitably go on a #NotMyAdventure crusade about it? What people fail to consider is that the Crash and Spyro remakes were accepted gracefully because their original iterations were still unanimously beloved for the most part, whereas SA1 - and especially SA2 - have always been divisive, and have only gotten moreso over the years.

- People take their preferences for the character's voice actors too seriously. I have my own favourites like anyone else, but I don't make a big deal out of it.

- And with fandom voice actors, they usually focus too much on doing a basic impression of their preferred official voice actor, and not enough on the acting. So you end up getting a lot of fan voices who sound like decent impressions of Ryan Drummond or Jason Griffith on the surface, but they sound utterly empty beyond that impression, because there's no oomph or depth to the actual emotions. They think about the actor rather than the character, when it should really be the other way around.

- The thing with Ian Flynn is that he is capable of telling a decent story, and he can portray some characters well. But he's proven time and time again that everything will go off the rails if he's given too much freedom (ironic, given how quick he is to point the finger at mandates when something goes wrong).

- Ian Flynn and Shiro Maekawa are not the only people in the world who are allowed to write for Sonic. I understand that one should be cautious when seeking out new writing talent, but for all the fandom's accusations of playing it safe, they sure aren't in a rush to experiment outside of their own comfort zone.

- And of course, the big one: You don't fix the franchise's current problems by crawling back to its previous problems. It's much more helpful and constructive to discuss the good and bad alike with each of the games. Less “THIS GOOD, MODERN BAD”, and more “This could work, but maybe without that part...”

[realisaonum]

book meme

thank you, jen @det395​ !! i feel like this meme got away from me a bit, but no shame! i love talking about books and writing so onward ~under the cut~

1- how many books are too many books in a series? 

mhmmmmm i guess it depends on the objective of the series, right? is the plan to have x number of books in the series and if so, when we finally get to the end will it be satisfying considering all the books we’ve read leading up to it? OR is the objective of the premise / characters just to exist doing whatever? both can be done well. i would say a lot rides on how much i trust the author.

2- what do you think about cliffhangers?

so this is meant for cliffhangers in a series like between books? i don’t really care if there’s a cliffhanger as long as i have the next book sitting right next to me. otherwise uh, only if the wait between books is tolerable, because at that point you need to know that the author can clear this mess up, right? there’s this other thing, like you know how if the entire series was already written, then they might release the books a month apart or a quarter apart - that could be alright too. but years in between? not especially a fan. is anyone a fan?

3- hardback or paperback?

jen, you and me are complete opposites here. paperbacks stress me out. i will go out of my way to buy a used hardcover if given the choice. of course, there are some publications i don’t mind in paperback —thinking poetry and super indie books that don’t have a hardcover release OR books where the spines are thin enough they won’t break and i won’t be holding them long enough for them to wear. hardcovers are sturdy and i don’t have to worry i’ll accidentally bend the cover in some damaging way. I am invested in keeping my books nice to the point that i create covers for my books out of kraft paper or brown grocery bags while i am reading them. this is something i started when i was in college and didn’t want these books i was hoping to probably resell get thrashed coming in and out of my bag for all these classes. My home library is probs more half and half paperback/hardcover but if given a choice usually it’s hardcover.

4- least favourite book?

i think it’s good to at least attempt to meet a book on its level. there are lots of books i didn’t like, but i wasn’t meeting them on their level and i know that so we’re ignoring those. i do however have a shelf on my goodreads dedicated to books that i have beef with so i’ll just go off on two of them.....

tana french’s the likeness for being plagiaristic shit. it is essentially poorly concealed alternate universe OC insert fic of the secret history. you’ve got french’s dublin murder squad folks and then this group they are investigating who bear a STRIKING resemblance to the greek students in tsh 🤔. this would be one thing. it is pretty well acknowledged that nothing is original and there are enough changes to The Likeness that MAYBE i could let it slide if not for this other thing: french’s book, the likeness, has lines that are just basically reworded quotes from the secret history and french positions these lines so they are said by the counterpart (essentially same!) character that gave them original life in tsh. i cannot stress this enough: you can HEAR how similar the sentences are and their core intent is always the same. it’s thinly veiled theft! it astounds me that French hasn’t been sued frankly. it is one thing to want to capture some of the genius that tartt’s debut novel holds, but it is completely lazy and disgusting theft to go about it in the way French did with this book. and YES the secret history was published before french’s book. if i could stomach how fucking goddamn boring the likeness was to read it a second time and cite every one of these offenses i would, but that’s yet a third strike against it—it’s too boring to be worth it. 

T. Kingfisher’s second book of the Clocktuar War duology : The Wonder Engine. this is a book that i feel violated the contract between writer and reader. the first book feels almost like a YA book. the stakes while described as very high are treated, as actions unfold, as very low. nothing truly irreparable happens until the climax of the second book and the fallout of that action is so off-tone of everything that came before i felt deeply betrayed. no, like, completely betrayed as in it ruined the rest of my afternoon, i am still viscerally angry eight months later, and i will never trust this author again. sure, maybe none of those actions that led to the climax were out-of-character, but there was nothing NOTHING in the proceeding action that even came close to that level of consequence. it’s a pity because right up till that point i was having a really good time. the entire vibe of the rising action to the climax of book one all the way through the rising action of book two was just a quippy fun version of roadtrip/quest - it felt like a comfort read. the abrupt tone shift had all the subtlety of dropping a graphically, brutal murder into Blue’s Clues. you don’t do that - this is a basic tenet of a writer / reader relationship. i’m not touching this bitch’s shit again.

5- Love Triangle, yes or no?

not so much. i like jen before me will scream ‘just be poly.’ love triangles that lead into poly relationships? yes, awesome will be glad i read. but i am at a stage in my life where your standard will-they-won’t-they-love-triangle is just fucking pointlessly frustrating to me. an example: i read a Nic Stone’s book Odd One Out a couple years ago and something about the synopsis or the hype made me think that it would resolve the love triangle that way, so when that did not happen i was incredibly frustrated and immediately wanted to resell the book. it’s the potential of the thing. stone’s book could have been the perfect vehicle for opening up the concept of polyamory to a ya audience but instead just really squandered that potential with weak floundering — in my opinion!

6- the most recent book you just couldn’t finish

uhhhhh i’ve got two and i’m not sure i’ve entirely given up quite yet buuuuuuuut 

fucking dune. i got really pissed off with this book. So just…setting aside the whole vaguing at a pedophilically inclined queer coded villain - it’s done so poorly, that it's almost funny? like it doesn’t (as of half way through) actually have any consequence on…anything at all and is tacked on like an afterthought to the end of his scenes. honestly it all could just be cut out entirely with no recourse to the larger story. So my actual beef with this book is the pacing is ATROCIOUS. like yo, not only do you expect me to give a shit about these Atreides cunts, when we just met them and we spend the same amount of time with them IF NOT MORE with the antagonist? but you also expect me to believe Paul was able to just convince the leader of the Arrakis people —the leader of an entire planet!!— with a single fucking sentence??? yeah, not so much. it was not set up for me to believe that Paul could do that! maybe if Kynes hadn’t died immediately after—or at least not died at that moment? baring the fact I thought he was by far the most interesting character, IF he had been convinced by Paul in that scene, it would have been great to see some actual work done around that - with a transfer or a liaise of power between Kynes and Paul and the Fremen. By not having any substantive scene that does it - it begs the question of what the fuck was the point of the character in the first place? unplumbed potential!!! over all there seem to be some key scenes missing to get the reader to where the narrative expects us to be? but the choices made of the characters we spend time with and the moments we see with them, the benefit to the larger story…is not always there. hey herbert, these words you have written aren’t doing what you want them to?? i feel like i should finish it but i reaaaaallly don’t want to :) the only thing i can say is it looks like from the trailer, villeneueve is giving space to these moments so that the viewer can foster a genuine connection with the characters? radical concept.

our lady of perpetual hunger - i started this one optimistically bc i like chef memoirs, but i am at the point where she has just given birth to her son and honestly DON’T CARE. i still haven’t officially given up on it yet since i actually fucking bought it like a dope. i certainly would not have if i knew how much NOT about working the line this was gonna be

7- book you are currently reading

Aside from the failures mentioned above, I am working on the second book in B. Catling’s Vorrh trilogy, The Erstwhile. Also very close to finally finishing Iain Sinclair’s The Last London - there’s a review of his work from the LA Times that goes “One of Sinclair’s greatest skills has always been his ability to take diverse if not chaotic source material and refashion it in a way that sometimes seems downright alchemical” which captures some of the wonder I experience when reading his work. His style and how he creates atmosphere and setting is just unique and astounding.

8- last book you recommended to someone

The Secret History by Donna Tartt. Before that I told my brother to read Eat a Peach, as we both love Anthony Bourdain and David Chang talks about him a bit here, plus it’s just a fucking great book. any book that gives insight into Chang’s methodology and paradigm is worth a shot.

9- oldest book you read

I think it might have to be Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night (which apparently according to wiki premiered on the stage a whole four months before Hamlet so that’s what we’re going with) and if plays don’t count, I don’t care. I think they count and that’s what we’re going with.

10- the most recent book you read ?

Given the previous question, the most recently published book, right? It’s gotta be the one I just finished: The First Collection of Criticism by a Living Female Rock Critic - Revised and Expanded edt., which like just came out this summer. I watched Jessica Hopper’s promo zoom, curtesy of my local indie bookstore, and went ahead and bought it. This was a great decision! It was just what I needed to read these last couple of weeks. i love there’s lots of short pieces that made the read quick and the fact that it’s non-fiction so there was no pressure of a plot or the emotional weight of character investment when I had a lot of big stressors dragging me down irl -it was such a relief. Hopper’s criticism is fun to read and there’s some real art in her appreciation of music here.

11- favourite author?

These are the top in a kind of order but not really: Donna Tartt, Jeff VanderMeer, Megan Whalen Turner, Flannery O’Conner, Chuck Palahniuk, Anthony Bourdain

Other faves very much worth mentioning: Emily O’Neill, Richard Siken, Brandon Sanderson, Warren Ellis, Nathan Englander, Stephen King, Eddie Huang, Carl Hiaassen, Anne Carson, and Iain Sinclair.

12- buying books or borrowing books?

Depends on if my library has it, of course! I nearly always see if my library has a copy first if i have never read it or the author before. If i’ve read the book before or trust the author, I’ll buy it. Like I’ll straight out buy new stuff from Jeff VanderMeer even though with him it’s either this-hits-exactly-and-is-my-new-fave or i-really-disliked-this-but-admire-the-boundaries-you’re-pushing-my-dude - so it’s always a gamble but a worthy one.

12- a book you dislike that everyone else seems to love

a little life (just bc it's torture porn elevated to art doesn’t negate the fact that it’s torture porn. Yanagihara’s project here is repugnant and the fact that this book is lauded as moving lgbt fiction makes my skin crawl)

sharp objects (good writing, compelling story, BUT typographical scarification doesn't work like that - i am not going to get into it but i know from first hand experience how Flynn described it is not accurate)

nesbø’s the snowman (what kinda dumbass detective would think THAT when a woman finds her missing father’s corpse? absolute idiocy - so obviously reverse engineered with that end in mind)

the raven cycle (fuck ronan lynch to start and then fuck him to end as well - there’s some other stuff but mostly he’s a total CUNT and if i don’t say that once a day i have probably died)

14 - bookmarks or dogears?

Bookmarks and sticky notes. Then I can place it pointing directly to the paragraph I last stopped on.

15- The book you can always reread?

This is my question because I reread all the time. ALL THE TIME. Books I reread often: The Secret History, Medium Raw (especially chapter 17 The Fury), Crooked Kingdom, The Violent Bear It Away, and The Goldfinch. Every year like clockwork (since it came out apparently) I will reread Stephen King’s The Outsider.

Other books I feel the urge to reread: VanderMeer’s Acceptance, Englander’s Dinner at the Center of the Earth, Frazier’s Nightwoods, Fresh Off the Boat, the Mr. Mercedes trilogy, the Peter Grant Series (which is queued up for another go here soon I think), any of the stories from A Good Man is Hard to Find, Sanderson’s Wax and Wayne Mistborn books, simon vs the homosapiens’ agenda, and there are two of Alan Morinis’ books on Mussar that I am technically always revisiting—when i need a reminder, i’ll jump around and read specific sections to get centered again.

16- can you read while listening to music?

Yes, but only ambient or near ambient (only usually one track on repeat) or a soundtrack I am extremely familiar with. No new music. I do usually need some audio stimulation or my mind will wander terribly.

17- one POV or multi POV?

Multi pov can certainly be done well (looking at the soc duaology and VanderMeer’s Acceptance) but working a multi-pov means there are more plates spinning, it’s more of a challenge, and some authors pull it off better than others.

18- do you read book in one sitting or in multiple days?

I don’t really do this anymore. that might have something to do with me picking up thicker books? but also i have a full time job now and let’s be real the book has to be hella good if i don’t want to put it down. the last book i attempted to shotgun was the final installment of my favorite series and it still took me two days so....i can get through a lot of books but none of them are ever in one sitting anymore.

19- who to tag:

@sybilius​ @mouth-rainboy​ @iwonderifthatisart​ @phereinnike​ @magnificentmoose​ @wambsgangs​ @moriarteaparty​ and anyone else if you feel so inclined!

Bonus Question: What’s on your to-read shelf? 

As for me, I am excited about one i just picked up, Danforth’s Plain Bad Heroines, which i might start tomorrow and I will be taking Paul Madonna’s Come to Light on my trip to see my brother this coming weekend. 

[yankyo]

Who's Who - Part two

Should I try and change this fic because I dislike it? Probably? But! A few of my favorite people enjoy it as is so here's the full clone fic in all its original glory!

Warnings: you fuck a bunch of clones, overstimulation, anal, double penetration, mention of tentacle, dirty talk, ye

----

Unsurprisingly, Beetlejuice's reaction to seeing you blowing his clone had been an almost immediate boner, a fact that he was almost too gleeful to tell you until he saw the ice cold glare you sent him and he remembered just what a position he had managed to worm himself into. 

"C-come one babes, at least I made sure you had help! Wasn't that thoughtful?" He tried, raising his hands in mock surrender as you stormed up to him to tell him exactly what you thought of him ditching you. 

"Thoughtful? You pushed the mess you made and promised to help clean onto an innocent person!" You shouted back.

"But its clean right? And he obviously did a good job!" He gestured to Bee, who was currently putting himself back together with a guilty expression, as if he thought he would be yelled at too. Which, really, you weren't mad at him, it wasn't his fault your boyfriend was a dick. "I mean, I'm kinda shocked you even noticed." 

"Of course I noticed!" The looks both your boyfriend and the clone on the couch gave you in that moment was curious, mischievous, borderline identical. 

"Really? Do ya think you could pick me outta a line up?" Beetlejuice asked as Bee stood to stand by his side. Huh? What did he...? Before you could even ask, Beetlejuice snapped his fingers and five more clones appeared out of thin air. 

"Beetlejuice." Though the name made him flinch - usually you referred to him by his pet names to reduce the risk of accidentally sending him away, unless he did something to really deserve your ire - he tried to seem confident.  

 "Come on, doll, just seeing if you can put your money where your mouth is." His smile turned into a salacious leer, "that is, unless you're not up to the challenge?" ... damn him. You knew you could say no, hell, even just say his name twice more and send him packing, but... the way the clones were looking at you - and you couldn't deny you had been more than a little turned already thanks to Bee... 

"So the game is I pick you out from the line up? Too easy." The small group of Beetlejuices cackled in response, their eyes lighting up with unrestrained mischief as they swarmed you. You were gently shepherded back to the couch where you were made to sit on one's lap, the others all settled around you. Looking over the group, there were subtle differences here and there, one's ears were sharper, a few were taller, a few were not as soft, one grinning demon clearly had longer fangs than your personal ghoul did - but with how fast everything was moving you couldn't really scrutinize the whole group, especially not when you could already feel multiple sets of hands finding their way onto your body. Gentle nails ran up your thigh, a tight grip held your hips still, a hand on your ankle kept you from pulling your legs together, one grabbed your chin to pull you into a quick kiss and with that simple action all hell broke lose. 

"No fair sneaking the first kiss!" , "Hell, you wanna talk no fair, buster over there got his dick sucked already, he should sit out!" , "If I had been the one called to help, I woulda treated you so good doll, would've seen just how deep I can get my tongue in that sweet pussy." They were talking too quickly for you to be able to tell which one was saying what, even if they weren't tugging your clothing off with all the grace and gentleness of a gorilla on steroids. "You're never gonna want for anything, babycakes, we're gonna spoil you rotten." Sharp fangs sank into your neck, into your thigh, into your hip, the ravenous clones all clamoring for a taste and honestly? You were beginning to forget just why you had been angry in the first place, especially when you felt your legs being spread even wider so one could dive face first into your pussy. You didn't even try to cover the moan that worked it's way out of your throat as a long, squirming tongue wriggled it's way inside of you - not that you were moaning for long as you were yanked into a deep kiss moments later. Rough hands kneaded your breasts, sharp teeth grazed your nipples, hot mouths kissed practically every single inch of your skin, leaving so many bite marks and hickies there was no chance of hiding them tomorrow - you wondered if you hadn't just died and went to heaven at this point. 

"You look so good like this," one hissed in your ear, "but you're gonna look even better when we got you all spread out on our cocks." A slick tongue ran along the edge of your ear as he let out a gruff little groan, "can you handle all of us? What's your safe word again?" For a moment, everything stopped, the hands faltered, the demon at your cunt pulled back, eight sets of eyes all focused on you waiting for the answer.

"Brigadoon." You cried out, desperate to have them back. 

"That's right, doll, why's that again?" You were going to kill him. 

"Because nothing's a bigger boner killer than Brigadoon, now can you please fucking - " you couldn't even get the rest of your sentence out before they were on you again. This time, you felt yourself being moved, this time on your knees bent over the arm of the couch. A rough hand pulled your head up as a cock brushed across your lips - when had they undressed? 

"Real or Clone, doll?" One asked even as you opened your mouth. Peeking up at the demon before you, you looked for anything that could set him apart, even as you dutifully sucked on the offered cock. This version was already clinging to the couch, his nails digging into the dark as he held back the urge to go wild - you pulled back,

"Clone." You declared. On top of being more gentle, you could just barely see a delicate spatter of freckles across his cheeks. Unfortunately, the others were rather quick to guess just how you were able to tell. 

"That's cheating!", "The game will be over before it even starts if that's how you're gonna be guessing.", "I've got this, don't worry dollface, we're gonna make sure you play fair." You shivered at the husky growl in your ear even before your eyes were covered by a soft feeling fabric - you really hoped it wasn't his tie, that thing was rancid on a good day. "There we are, that'll make sure you play by the rules." What rules? If your mouth wasn't currently occupied, you might've snorted at his words or even asked that question - even if you knew there was no answer. Beetlejuice had no real intention of letting you win this game. You knew he just wanted to take your mind off of his transgression so that he could avoid punishment. And honestly, with the stressful week you had on top of his childish behavior, getting fucked into near unconsciousness sounded fan-fucking-tastic right about now, so instead of actually answering, you pressed forwards until you had swallowed the cock in front of you to the hilt and spread your legs wider in clear challenge. Beetlejuice never was one to resist a challenge. 

The 'game' continued with gusto, your legs spread wider so a body could crawl underneath you and toy with your breasts as he made you straddle him, one pressed sweet kisses along your back as slimy fingers worked their way into your ass - anal had been a thing you and Beetlejuice had been playing with, thankfully, but the cock grinding up into your clit didn't exactly hurt either - two more had taken your hands from their clenched position on the couch to lead them down to their straining erections - and honestly it was at this point that you had to stop and think about how you were genuinely having sex with multiples of your boyfriend and that each and every one of these hot, hard, pulsing cocks were just waiting to be inside of you and still there were three more just waiting for the others to get out of their way. It was almost too much. Yet you still found some part of you taking note of the little differences you could feel here and there - like the one beneath you had a scruffier beard that he took way too much pleasure in rubbing across your sensitive nipples if just to feel you jolt and whimper. Fucking sadist. The Beetlejuice currently nibbling on your shoulder had sharper teeth, hell you could feel those fangs delicately scraping down your skin and could only imagine what it would he like if he actually bit you. Thankfully, he was being gentle with you as he slowly but surely worked you open, his heavy cock rubbing against your thigh as he felt your anus clenching around his fingers. The one currently fucking your face wasn't as long as Bee, but was much more enthusiastic as he held your head in the perfect position to try and work his leaking dick as far down your throat as he could manage. Every so often, he would hold you still, the head of his cock dripping down your throat until the need for air was so great you thought you would burst. He was the first to cum, pulling back even as his cock was twitching to cum on your face. 

"You look so good, precious," , "hurry up and get out of the way, let someone else have their turn," , "we're going to fill you up, kitten," you whined at that nickname - just in time for the one at your pussy to finally have enough of teasing you and pulled you down fully onto his dick. "Give her a second, fuck, I can feel you squeezing around me, you're real wound up, aren't you, baby?" You moaned in response, unable to even try and say anything. It felt so good to finally have someone inside of you and the feeling was only heightened as the Beetlejuice behind you took hold of your hips to hold you steady as a surprisingly prehensile member slowly began working it's way inside of you. For a moment, the sensation of the cock you swore you could feel in your stomach and the one working it's way past your rim was all you could focus on - feeling completely, impossibly full. And once they were both completely seated both Beetlejuices leaned in to whisper in your ear. 

"I can feel you squeezing on me, does it feel that good, kitten?", "We're going to ruin you for anyone else. Come on, precious, say our name." In unison, they slowly withdrew before slamming back into you, forcing a sharp moan from your lips. Holy shit. They held absolutely no mercy once they saw you had grown accustomed to them, working together to make you see stars. When one withdrew, the other thrust forwards, making it so you were constantly full, the Beetlejuice beneath you dead set on grinding against your g-spot whilst the one behind you showed off just what his unique member could do as it writhed inside of you - twisting, undulating, rolling. 

"Holy shit, if I knew how much you'd like this, we woulda done this ages ago!" A hand stroked gently through your hair before someone guided you into a kiss, their tongue lapping away the cum drying on your cheeks. 

"Bee?" Your voice was weak, quickly cut off with a moan as someone pressed a thumb to your clit. Too much! You clung onto Bee, who cooed and caressed your cheeks, your body going tense with the orgasm ripping it's way through you before the two Beetlejuices currently fucking you decided that was the moment to kick things into hyperdrive and started fucking you even harder. "W-wait! I can't! It's too much!" Your protests fell on dead ears.

"Why does he get a special name?", "he's already had a turn, kick him out!", "I wanna name!", "I'm about to cum, kitten, gonna fill you up so good.", "that's it, precious, keep on squeezing us just like that,", "we've got you, sweetheart, just let go.", "Make her cum again, wanna make sure she's ready for me." They all spoke at the same time, but all you could focus on was Bee still giving you such gentle kisses as the other two clones used you like a ragdoll before they both slammed into you as deeply as they could and began to cum. 

You were boneless when they lifted you, unable to do anything but cling to the next warm body that took their place and moan as you were filled again. They fucked you fast, hard, making you cum again and again until you were whimpering from overstimulation. "Who's fucking you now?" Was a question you were made to answer again and again, but each time you found something to prove them to be a clone until the very last pair. Beetlejuice, your Beetlejuice, you were certain, gathered you up in his arms and set you on his lap. "We fucking decimated you, didn't we, babes? Come on, tell me, who's touching you now?" His cock teased your entrance, being so gentle as he knew just how raw you had to be. 

"Beetlejuice." You held no hesitation. Your reward was the blindfold being ripped from your face as your beloved ghoul grinned down at you. 

"How we doing, babes? Still got enough energy to handle me?" You snorted softly, leaning in to rest your head against his shoulder. God you would need a long rest after this, and a bath too, you could just feel the cum dripping down your thighs to pool onto his. 

"Fuck me up." You challenged, making him give you a grin. "You're still on my shit list." His grin grew ever wider. 

"Let's see if I can't change your mind." 

[blindedbythedarkness]

A Rant into the Void

I am so fucking sick of my body right now. Actually, no, that’s not the problem at all. I am actually fucking sick of the response of medical professionals to my body. My body itself is doing its fucking best, all things considered.

Put simply, I can’t face going to the doctor anymore. I’m too afraid. Which isn’t exactly a great place to be, mentally or physically, when you have a genetic condition that can (though rarely) result in life threatening complications. 

I’ve never fucking liked it. Not one bit. It’s been built into me from a young age to suck things up and carry on. My dad used to passively scold me for ever taking a day off school by reminding me that he never did and telling me about all the days he’d gone to work with one ailment or another. He’s also the reason I’m so afraid of taking any medication now after years of me hearing how “taking paracetamol isn’t good for you. If you take it enough it stops working. It damages your liver too.” Even though painkillers do barely work, I can’t remember the last time I gave them a try. Now I’m older I know that he probably has his own deep seated issues that led to the things he said, but the things he said still stick like glue.

My mum was no better. As a nurse, she never took any shit from me and I would never have been able to skive off school. At one point I went to school for a week with an unknown broken arm, despite my protests. It’s rare that she explicitly called me a “hypochondriac”, but I could always tell that she was exasperated by my numerous visits to the GP, hospital and A&E. It’s only in the past year, now that my EDS has been confirmed for a second time (within the new guidelines) that she’s started to take me more seriously. I still don’t often feel able to tell her about my health concerns though, despite her having (a more mild version of) the same condition. I think she feels guilty for passing it onto me, but her responses usually comes across as frustration and annoyance. 

In the past year, my fear of doctors has grown even more. Firstly, now I’ve seen what a real illness faker looks like and does, I’m forever terrified that I look like I’m doing the same. I’ve almost obsessively started taking photographic evidence of my various ailments for fear of being accused of Munchhausen's by a medical professional (despite the difficulty of convincing others of a real case of fii). Given I have also spoken out about this girl, I also live in fear of seeming like a hypocrite. Those close to me say “we know you’re really ill, we’ve seen it, we know you aren’t faking it and you’re nothing like her” but still I can’t shake the fear.

Doctors have been pretty shit lately, too. I’d had bad experiences in the past: a GP that couldn’t identify a broken elbow and a gastro consultant who suggested my pain was all in my head, but for a while I’d had a good run. The past year has been fucking awful though. One particular GP at the surgery has been the cause of almost all of it, to the point where I was going to make a formal complaint before corona got in the way. For the first time ever I had gone to an outpatients appointment alone (something I’d be afraid of due to the potential for gaslighting) and for once the consultant was amazing- he gave me a reason for my pain  that had been found on an MRI and reassured me he would explain it all to my GP. However, the consultant had lied. He didn’t write in the letter anything that he said to me and GP soon decided that I was lying about my account, to the point where I questioned my own memory. Contrary to the advice of the consultant, and later my physio (who confirmed what the consultant has originally said), he advised me to walk more to solve my issue. It also took me refusing to leave his room until I got a referral to a rheumatology consultant for him to allow it. That was after him patronizing me consistently and insisting that “there’s no EDS cure you know?” and  “physio is your only option”. The arrogant cunt obviously thought his single lecture had taught him more than 10 years learning about this condition had taught me. I knew my rights and got what I wanted, but I live in fear of my record being marked with “fii” or “anxious patient” that would virtually destroy any further chances of me getting treatment.

This becomes a problem, of course, when I seem to acquire a new co-morbidity or complication every month at the minute. A few weeks ago I had it confirmed that I have a bladder (and potentially pelvic) prolapse. The doctor I had spoken to before the examination though was Dr. Self Important Prick, and he had seemed doubtful of the whole thing. So even though it was proven, I’m still too afraid to call again. This week I have had a bingo card full of the symptoms of a cerebrospinal fluid leak (and not for the first time). I don’t know what to do though. Given the susceptibility of EDS patients to them, I’m fairly certain that’s what it is. Given it’s recurring, I’m also pretty sure I need to see someone. But it’s unstoppable force meets immovable object: if I go in there having done my research I seem like a hypochondriac, yet one study showed that 0% of csf leaks are diagnosed correctly the first time. These are the complications of living with a rare condition. It’s impossible to walk the fine line between advocating for yourself and seeming like a fake because you weren’t a whole chapter in the doctor’s textbook. 

So here I am. Fed up. Angry at myself for not having the balls to get myself the help I need and angry at the medical profession for scarring me so badly. And with a lovely clear, metallic, currently unidentified liquid dripping down the back of my throat.

Since it seems these rants may get more regular, I’ve made a dedicated page to fill with my void rants @thatangryedsbitch

[hippriestess]

Part 4 - I’ve Been Duped...

It was to be expected that some of those who brought us some of the less essential Fall releases would also respond to Smith's death. One of worst was the first to arrive and it came from perennial recyclers Secret Records; a repackaging of 10 live tracks from the 2002 “A Touch Sensitive” DVD – already reconfigured multiple times – on an LP titled, and this absolutely beggars belief, “Best Of” and credited to “The Fall & Mark E Smith”, a credit never once used on a release in Smith's lifetime (a few gig posters, yes but never a record). Released just 3 months after Smith's death for about £18-20, this received the derision it deserved and, judging from the number of copies for sale on Discogs and their current asking prices, it appears to have sold just a little more than fuck all.

But even this was overshadowed come March 2019 when Ozit/Dandelion released what has to be The Worst Fall Release Ever. Pressed into horrid orange vinyl, the contents of “Mark's Personal Holiday Tony Tapes” were staggeringly poor. Proudly labelled as “Non-Record-Store-Day Release” (was it turned down?) the record boasted just 8 tracks. The album tried to elide its rotten contents by calling all the tracks “Mark's Personal Holiday Tony Tapes”. Track 1 was a 6 minute version of “Last Nacht” from “I Am Kurious Oranj”. The released track doesn't actually feature within the 6 minutes so this is probably an outtake and therefore probably not owned by Beggars Banquet. There is a drop out lasting several seconds that has gone uncorrected and it's about 4 minutes longer than it needs to be, confirming the brevity of the version used in 1988 to be bob on. Tracks 2, 4, 6 and 8 are live tracks from 1981, all of which had already been released on the otherwise unimpressive “Northern Cream” DVD. What is barely credible is that tracks 3, 5 and 7 are also “Last Nacht” but not further alternates, rather being Track 1 cut into 2 minute pieces and simply repeated! Did they think we wouldn't notice?! Utterly awful, thoroughly exploitative and an absolute disgrace. They also stumped up a 30 minute DVD of MES being interviewed. This bore the thoroughly unappealing title “30 Minutes On A Manchester Slag Heap”. I only ever saw this for sale on eBay but a couple of clicks confirmed that it was Ozit/Dandelion product being sold by them through that channel. The cover was of a slag heap rather than of MES. Enough said.

OK, let's tidy up, what's next?

The immediate future sees 2 vinyl releases in the August “drop” of the now-staggered, socially-distanced RSD2020; a double LP of “[Austurbæjarbíó] - Reykjavík Live 1983” on the now inevitable splatter vinyl and a single LP of  “Cerebral Caustic” on multi-coloured “bonkers” (their word, absofuckinglutely not mine) splatter vinyl because of course it is. That's all for RSD this year, a move which represents far better judgement by the organisers. A studio album out of print on vinyl for 25 years and a properly sought after live release on the format for the first time? Yeah, that fits well with what RSD was meant to be back when we all queued up for a “Bury Pts 2 + 4” 7” in 2010.

Now, a fun wee question mark was raised over “CC” when the RSD website credited the release to Demon rather than Cherry Red. It appears Demon have the Permanent Records catalogue and have also announced clear vinyl reissues of “The Infotainment Scan”, “Middle Class Revolt”, “The Twenty-Seven Points” and, perhaps most interestingly, “The Post Nearly Man”, all on clear vinyl with expanded artwork from Pascal LeGras. It looks as though these are coming in under the £20 mark (£25 for T27P) and I reckon they'll be popular – I fancy nabbing MCR and TPNM myself. A bit of a downer that all of these, except, oddly, “The Post Nearly Man” were recently rescheduled from September 2020 to January 2021 but hey ho – probably Covid-related, much like everything else.

As for Cherry Red, whilst one report had it that “Are You Are Missing Winner” was next, they are finally releasing a 3CD/2LP edition of “Imperial Wax Solvent” in October. This includes the much-discussed original mix by Grant Showbiz and a previously unavailable live set from shortly after the album's original release. This is, basically, exactly what we wanted. Hurrah! Can't wait.

Thanks to the speculation re: AYAMW, there was a little disappointment in come quarters and I can certainly see a healthy audience for a straight single LP pressing of that as it was only ever available on a picture disc vinyl before. Here's hoping they won't go for a double splatter vinyl with unnecessary extras (“Where's The Fuckin' Taxi? Cunt” on vinyl? Come on, SPARE US).  

To yr present authors surprise, an expanded edition of “The Frenz Experiment” was announced for release by Beggars Banquet/Arkive in October. I had reckoned a new vinyl edition was likely as it was the only studio album on BB not yet afforded a new pressing and the addition of a second LP with various singles tracks was no surprise either, given that there are similar packages available for “TWAFW”, “TNSG” and “Bend Sinister”. A very pleasant surprise however is the inclusion of the group's Janice Long session from 1987, their only unreleased Radio 1 session. Also, “A Day In The Life” has been licenced for the this also (it was the only studio recording from the era missing from “5 Albums”). The Long session and “...Life” are only on the CD version. As such, this release very much follows the pattern of the “Bend Sinister” reissue from 2018 and is likely inspired by the near ecstatic reception and healthy sales that release enjoyed. Nice that the CD edition is £12 this time, having been more like £22 for “Bend Sinister”.

Let Them Eat Vinyl are responsible for the illustration...they are planning an almost ludicrous onslaught of Fall vinyl. Their website currently lists an almost unbelievable THIRTY ONE Fall LP releases for the three months running September to November. Thirty-one. Now – this includes “Interim” which is already on the shelves but it also includes the “Live From The Vaults” releases. It was assumed from the inclusion of two of these on Cherry Red's “Dragnet” 3CD box that these were part of the Fall Sound Archive deal that MES cut with CR in the years before his death which makes this a bit interesting. Also, LTEV are also claiming they will release “The Post-Nearly Man” on vinyl in October, which clashes with Demon's schedule – they originally had Smith and The Fall's albums for Permanent Records releases slated for reissue in September but all except TPNM have been moved. Meanwhile, “Cog Sinister” are about to release TPNM on CD! After being unavailable and highly prized for 2 decades, we're now set for 3 separate reissues within 2 months!  Anyway, the vast majority of the remaining LTEV are discs from the 2 “sets of ten (really eleven)” although also included are the excellent “I Am Pure As Oranj” and the first vinyl edition of “The Light User Syndrome” since its original release in 1996. Caveat Emptor, as the saying goes.

Narnack are also hinting that a 3LP “Fall Heads Roll” isn't too far off. Having teased this for a couple of years, Early in 2020, it was announced that the label was folding. This announcement was deleted and Narnack immediately moved on to asking fans to suggest what additional material could be added to this new version. Never one of their best, there would have to be some impressive outtakes to persuade yr persent scribe to cough up.  

Elsewhere, Phonogram have yet to succumb to new vinyl pressings of their albums, despite the prices fetched on the collectors market for these, especially “Code-Selfish”. This may be partly due to what seems to have been a relatively low take-up for their 6CD box set from 2017. Titled “The Fontana Years”, this was just the 2CD editions of the three albums from 2007 in a box. It therefore looked weak next to the “Singles 1978-2016” box set as well as providing nothing attractive to the faithful who already had them. It hit the shelves at £35-40 a time and, unsurprisingly, remained there and can now be scored for around £20.

The much requested expansion of “The Real New Fall LP” with the original, very different mix of the album has yet to appear. At last count, contractual wrangles between the UK and US were said to be in the way but who knows? If “Levitate” can reappear, surely this can too.

Of course, we never know what else the less-salubrious end of the market will have for us but we shall approach with due caution.

The cold reality: what we get now is all there is. Mark E Smith now exists for Fall fans on paper, on magnetic tape, on vinyl and in combinations of 0 and 1. A sad fact. But it is clear that the appetite for The Fall is, if anything, increasing. Hindsight is presenting The Fall in a particularly clear light. In such a stylised, filtered and carefully marketed world, full of covert strategies and manipulative messaging, The Fall are reassuringly flawed, human, real. Their jagged edges, their constant state of flux, their DIY presentation and their disinterest in convention draws in the curious. The quantity of music suits an insatiable, want-it-all-and-now culture and, having made their albums for the vinyl format as well as bringing us so many magnificent 3-4 minute singles, their music is almost perfectly suited to today's market place where vinyl albums mix with song-by-song streams. People who love to write about music always loved The Fall and it seems that this is every bit as true today as it was in the days when we never had to wait any more than a few months for a missive of some sort, be it an album, a single, a Peel session or even just an entertaining interview.

Given that The Beatles – the most lauded rock/pop act of all time - have finally reached a generation to whom their blithe optimism means absolutely nothing, it is impossible to say how anything in music will be regarded 20 years from now. But for now, at least, The Fall endure. Their vibrations remain intense and powerful. And we, the people, dance to the waves.

Nine out of ten? Nah. Ten out of ten. Top marks.