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ro-presents-under-the-nola-stars · 3 months ago

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Im not sure if someone already asked this, but what things (personality, physical appeareance, emotional wise etc) does Jasira find attractive on JJ and vise versa?

hello. well, no one has ever asked me this before, actually. not outright. so, thanks for this question. i'm happy to break this down. so, buckle up bcus this ain't finna b short, and i feel like u knew this coming into it. but this is long even to my standards. this is gonna essentially b an essay. so, i'm not being cheeky when i say, buckle up. i can only hope that for as long as this is, it is clear.

disclaimer: i'm answering based on where we are in the timeline of the story rn -- apr 2007, chapter 13.

so, there is a major thing to note before i dive into them as individuals. when they first met, from the v first conversation they had, both jj and jasira felt that chemistry and familiarity that makes u feel like u've known someone for ur whole life. the immediate feeling of comfort is big in being attracted to a person - b it romantic, sexual or platonic attraction. when things don't feel hard or forced, it's easy to want to keep going. from the v beginning, on both ends, there was that feeling of familiarity. even despite them being worlds apart in terms of how they move about this world and have experienced life. it started off feeling easy and comfortable and safe because of the way thy vibe. every interaction/skype call/phone call since then jus further cements that safety and that comfort and thus that feeling of ease. it's a big part of their mutual attraction to each other, on like the most basic of human levels. it is what makes them continue to crave and therefore come back to each other.

now, for individual breakdown, i am going to start w my butch baby, jj, and what about jasira creates such a moth to a flame feeling for her. bcus that is exactly how jj feels when it comes to her -- like a moth to a flame. jj doesn't feel like she could resist or leave her alone if she wanted to at this point. jj's answer is much less muddy than jasira's, far more cut n dry.

i'm going to start w her physical/lustful attraction to her; shy's visual features as well as her aura. bcus both of those things are about on the same level when it comes to attraction. i think the difference between recognizing that someone looks good n being attracted to them is the effect their aura/vibe has on you. this is jus my personal ideas and my work is a reflection of various parts of myself and my ideas at this time. in this instance, how i write attraction, it certainly is hinged on that idea.

going pure physical first -- basic face and body. this is one of those things i def intend to lament on in the series i am planning about her exes. jj does, indeed, have a preference in type. now, it isn't a preference that she is cognizant of. now, she doesn't see herself as having a specific type bcus the preference isn't necessarily strict. it certainly doesn't correlate between her sex life and her dating life. the only commonality (w one sexual exception ever)(n there's a thing there but that isn't what this post is about so not rn) between her sex life n her dating life is femininity. jus v feminine women, that's what everyone has in common. so, if u were to ask jj what he type was, she would jus say v femme and leave it as that bcus she'd b thinking about her experience in total but she does have a type that is more specific than that. it comes out in the instances in which she actually ended up in relationships. it's more of a body type than a face/feature type bcus aside from their shape/build, all her gfs looked pretty different. but jj's exes were all of petite and slightly thick. like imagine monica geller body but a lil thick on the bottom; thicker thighs w a slight booty. regardless of face, that is what jj's exes looked like: thicker versions of monica geller w the thickness varying a lil bit from girl to girl. that's jasira. she has a more plump booty than jj's exes but that's pretty much her body. she's tiny and slim thick. body wise, she is jj's type w a lil more to b thankful for. i have to again point out that this isn't a conscious thing in jj's mind, but women w that body type always turn jj's head first. so, there is no circumstance in this universe where jasira walks past jj on the street n jj doesn't nearly snap her neck to turn n look at her. that's jus what it is. now, her face is really like super important to jj's attraction to her, obviously. it is not uncommon for jj to jus stare about her n marvel over her facial beauty. so, in this universe, when jj was a super young kid, im talking pre-conversion therapy -- which im not sure where u are in the story but her childhood pre-conversion therapy is v fuzzy in her memory; it's really more blanked -- jj had a crush on a celebrity that drove her mother crazy (it's talked about in little bama girl). her v first crush in life was a woman named lola falana. she doesn't remember this crush; if u asked her who her v first crush was, she would think really hard n give u an idk at this point in the story. now, jasira doesn't look exactly like lola falana, but there are similarities. their skin tones (not jus both of them being black women; i mean, like their actual skin tone) are v similar almost the same. they both have big brown, almost doe-like eyes that kinda thing going on. they have similar lips shapes. they have similar nose shapes. it's def not a carbon copy/copy-paste situation, but they do look similar enough that if someone put picture of them together n said they were related in some way, most people would b like "yeah ok" n not question whether not it was true. they look that similar. so, jasira fits jj's ideal body as well as looking like the woman who made jj know that she liked girls when she was little. so, w all that in mind -- face and body, there was no scenario where she sees jasira n doesn't experience intense attraction at first sight, based on pure physicality alone.

u gotta combine that w vibe/aura bcus yea, aura is a huge part of attraction. so, diving into aura, simply put, jasira is sexy. this isn't me biased bcus i really like this character i created. no, i created her to b one of those people that is more often than not precieved as such by the people she meets. she's jus sexy. jasira is one of those character's that people triple take at on the street. one of those people who stops conversations. she is both one of those people who is often describe as someone's type while at the v same time being one of those people that are typically the exception to people's type in the chance she physically she doesn't fit it already. she is jus sexy to most people. it's the way she was designed by me, and i would like to point out, she was an independent oc. i didn't create her for jj. so, she truly is jus like that. so, keep that in mind. when u circle it back to the story n to jj specifically, that + the information i told u about what made her stand out to jj in the first place + the remembrance of how they first met. jasira is sexy jus bcus for no reason at all already, but she is also a dancer. a performer. she really plays it up, really is intentionally alluring when she's performing. now, if u know anything about jj's first crush (which wouldn't b surprised if u don't) but lola falana was always a performer; a captivating one at that, imo. so, u have to imagine, that -- on a subconscious level -- seeing jasira who has already checked boxes but also triggered og baby gay feelings by looking like her first crush while dancing/performing in a really alluring, almost siren like way, i mean, boom. recipe for immediate so-far-gone-ness.

jasira boudreaux just really, really does it for jennifer jareau. it's one of those "god had to have designed u for me to b smitten w" kinds of attractions.

an extra tidbit on this, bcus i do think voices count towards physical attraction, is that jj loves the sound of her voice. she finds it sweet sounding and femme, but passionate in expression. i don't mean language choice, when i say passionate in expression, i mean the way she actually uses her vocal chords. couple that w jasira's new orleans accent and jj loves to jus hear her talk. there are certain words she jus loves to her her say. an example would b "baby", she could literally listen to jasira jus say that one word on a loop n not get tired of it bcus she loves the way that word sounds when it's dancing w her accent. so, there is also that.

now, as for the non physical part of her attraction to jasira, once again, there are things about jj and her history u have to consider and take into account. it isn't that jj has like never been on the receiving end of love and kindness. that's not true at all. she had ros for the first 11 years of her life, she had her cousin charlotte. she was a popular athlete in college; she has her team, and she does have friends. plus, i mean, she's a conventionally attractive white woman, let's b real and acknowledge what that means for her especially w her femme presentation in public. so, being treated w kindess or love or jus general favor isn't new to her. quite the opposite. so, jasira treating her the way she does isn't necessarily special for that reason on a surface level basis. bcus while she has been loved within her family (ros and charlotte) and her friends (her team n her out of work friends), she's never quite been seen in a positive way that wasn't platonic (or wasn't by ros) bcus she has had one friend who clocked her n they became friends bcus he clocked her (we haven't met him yet but he's been v vaguely mentioned n we will him). but again, that was only one time in her entire life, one and it was platonic. also, at this point in time, the friendship isn't super deep. but she's never been seen by anyone else -- truly, certainly not in a positive way -- bcus she suppresses the most honest, most comfortable part of herself. even from her cousin charlie. to understand that, u have to understand that her mother was, let's b honest, psychologically and emotionally abusive who was regularly attacking and penalizing her butchness/her masculinity. in her dating life, she had a habit of ending up w femme4femme femmes who did not value butches/butchhood at all. they made room for in the bedroom bcus they liked the sexual dominance that came jj when she was leaning into her true self but that was the on place outside of sports she was allowed to authentically exist. her past romantic relationships, for the most part, were really jus reiterates of the traumatizing parts of her childhood. and in the last two relationships she was in where her masculinity wasn't penalized, her butchhood-- the queerness of it all -- was not seen or catered to bcus she was dating straight women for some semblance of breathing room and relief from her past. in these v same relationships, she was penalized for not only attempting to b her most authentic self but also shutting down n not sharing, not being emotionally available after trying n failing in embracing who she is. so, jj is used to always having to cut a core piece of herself, her identity away to b accepted to some degree, and she is used to walling off her emotions to shy away from the pain that repressing herself causes her. overtime, it's made her become jaded n sort of devalue and detach from human connection and the idea of (unconditional) love in its totality, but especially in terms of romantic love. it's the reson why up until shy, she doesn't do anything but meaningless sex anymore bcus she'd given up on trying to b seen, b truly cared for and truly loved. but it is something she's always quietly craved. that has to b kept in the back of ur mind at all times, when ur reading all their interactions. u have to keep that in mind. the only time she's been seen by other people she's tried to b close to, she's been conditioned to see what they saw as unworthy and something that needed to change. it's why she force-femmes; it is why she conforms to societal gender norms around people.

the reason i made it a point to discuss all that and bring it to the forefront of ur brain is bcus w all that in mind, u realize that from the v beginning -- i mean, first conversation, even -- jasira has been doing the directly opposite of that. the first time, in a v small, miss-able way was when she saw jj and acknowledged that despite her appearance, she wasn't dainty at all. that was the first nugget. jj was so set on the excitement of the in, from jasira really opening up that conversation hat she didn't dwell on it, but it was an important thing for her to have said. it is absolutely of note and really held insight into how she would see jj going forward bcus it's already drastically different than how jj knows she's viewed n how she's treated in the world. that was jus the tip of the iceberg. that same night even, everything about the way jasira treated her was thru the lens of peeping her masculinity and finding it attractive. everything the way they danced, the way she let jj lead their kisses, her calling her a gentleman -- her refusal to open her own doors in jj's presence. it wasn't overtly acknowledge by jj internally at every step as "omg this is so affirming" but it absolutely was. the constant, natural and earnest affirmations throughout their night together, made it feel all the more special for jj. it made her feel that much more connected to jasira and thus all the more willing to continue. then, after all that from the initial first night, u have the morning after. the feeling of comfortable domesticity that jj absolutely reveled in. but aside from that, when jj found herself drawn to the images of jasira w her family. when she found herself mentally lamenting over a feeling of love, of togetherness -- of being apart of something that she was really truly feeling and internally acknowledging her lack in that regard -- jasira let her into the family. she told her stories and histories and secondhandedly introduced her to a new world of people -- and love, by extension -- bcus she saw it. she saw what jj was feeling. she saw the void, the longing, the loneliness. which is something that, w jj, tends to far more unnoticed than her masculinity, even bcus of how well she holds herself and seems to have it together. bcus of how intentional she is at hiding that bcus she herself doesn't even wanna look at it when she's alone w herself n her thoughts much less share it w other people. bcus of the night before, bcus of how affirmed n thus comfortable in her own skin jasira made her feel the night before, the mask slipped down. the mask slipped and jasira saw it, but she didn't shun it or shame it. she didn't push n question and make her uncomfortable. she nurtured jj in that moment; she remedied the feeling, even if it was jus for a moment, without jj having to even kinda ask. all she did was stare at pictures. so, u have two deep, hidden but v key aspects of jj -- one of her identity and the other being emotions that have long jaded her ability to really connect w other people -- being seen n treated w softness and kindness. that, is something jj is far from accustomed to, especially as it relates to people she's attracted to in a potentially romantic way. it's then that her attraction to jasira truly truly cements as emotional. it's how she knows there is no way she can go on n not get to know this person.

now, there are certain things about a person's personality that would make them not jus able to do something like that for someone else, but willing. they'd have to attentive, perceptive. they'd have to b open -- to a degree -- and earnest. they'd have to b loving in nature, kind -- empathetic. not only that but solution oriented/action based. someone else could have been in jasira's position in that moment, discerned what she discerned n been frozen about what to do or how to possibly help. but jasira wasn't. all those traits came into play n jasira immediately had an idea and acted on it. that says a lot about character and her personality. those are all traits that jj finds v admirable in her. they are all traits that make jasira more attractive to her than she already was. jasira's ability to see people around her, that's the key to jj's emotional attraction to her.

to not truly love urself bcus u've only really being conditioned to see ur core self in a negative light and then have someone raise a different mirror to u and reveal the same core that u have been conditioned to hate but jus in a beautiful way… i mean, imagine that feeling. i don't think u can put words to that feeling but it's the kinda thing that makes u love a person, i think. that's really what jasira has been doing from like jump. n i think falling in love w a person makes them all the more attractive to u n idk what part of the story ur on but it's been established, jj is in love w her.

additionally, jj respects jasira. there are other traits about jasira that jj already loved and thought the world of. jj's always been drawn to extroverted, life-of-the-party kind of people; she’s used to being the more quiet person in the room/in a group. i would describe jasira as courageous, bold, passionate; she doesn't pull punches but she uses her discernment in that. she's fun and likes to have fun; she likes to make people laugh, v playful. she doesn't, from jj's perspective, often shrink herself n dim her light for those around her. she gives herself permission to shine. those are things about her that jj likes and admires about her on their own. those traits make her attractive on their own. It woulda always been a draw for jj. however, having learned what jasira has gone thru -- is still going thru, while also knowing first hand about the affect it can n does have on many survivors makes jj see the beauty in those traits amplified by a million. to jj, above all else, those traits aren't jus cool n alluring but a sign of resilience. to b urself out loud so strongly. to b able to not even jus ask for what u want but make demands when u have regularly have someone trying to violently break u from their own personal gain is a huge sign of strength n resilience, n jj absolutely recognizes it as such. she respects the hell out of her for it. she is inspired by it, to b honest. not even jus that, either. jasira's ability to still b soft, still b kind, still b hopeful and still dream, even, jj sees the strength and resilience in that, too. so, boom, amplified feelings of attraction here.

also, jasira being family oriented is huge to jj. it plays a major role in her attraction, her interest, her intrigue. jj's family structure is broken. her sister has long passed on; she has not spoken to her mother in a decade. she hasn't so much as gotten any signs of life from her father in the same length of time. n even when she was under their roof, those relationships were nowhere near positive or in her father’s case, existent. the only family jj has in her life that she keeps in (semi) regular contact w -- from either side of her family -- is her cousin, charlotte, who also doesn't keep in contact the rest of the family. as far as blood relatives go, those two are pretty much on an island together n they aren’t even surviving together; they jus meet for solace sometimes. jj's family is shattered n in a few ways, that has always been the case. so bcus shes been conditioned n used to not connecting w people -- also broken families (that were still by other means “together”) were not uncommon in her environment at all-- the idea that people even actually liked the families they were born into, for jj, that idea was jus that. an idea. it never really seemed like reality to her bcus she's not used to loving families in a unified kinda way. it's such a foreign idea to her that she hadn't even considered that she wanted, craved that until she walked into jasira's world n saw it. jasira having a loving family n being family oriented is part of what fuels jj's attraction. it's part of the reason why when jj does begin to imagine herself creating a family of her own -- beyond that hypothetical ideal than many adults jus have bcus of societal expectation -- she can only imagine that w jasira.

there's also the cultural difference n the vast differences in upbringing. aside from n beyond being a romantic prospect, jj finds jasira to b literally the most interesting person she has ever met. she likes learning things from/about jasira n she likes that jasira is patience n kind enough to teach her. jus knowing jasira is expanding her worldview n making her cognizant of experiences n walks of life and thus the mindsets borne from those walks of life that she otherwise couldn't have imagined bcus i mean, she's white. she really values the exposure, she likes the learning n she likes that jasira doesn't make a thing of her not knowing or make her feel small for not knowing. so there's that layer.

there's jus so much about jasira that jj finds extremely attractive and all of those things not only make being attracted to her so intense, but it made falling in love w her easy. so, yea, jj fell uncharacteristically fast. she's in it deep.

now, for jasira's half of this connection.

once again, there are multiple things to have in ur mind about jasira before we dive into her attraction to jj.

the number one thing that u absolutely need to know before i get into her breakdown: as much as jasira really likes jj n as much as her feelings for her are deepening, she and jj are not on the exact same wavelength. yes, every once in a while, she will have these thoughts of them being serious, of them being official. she treats jj like they're pretty much together already, yes. she does feel strongly for jj, but it is not the exact same thing as where jj is. jj is sure, at this point, that she's in love n she's blind to anyone that isn't jasira. jasira is not in that place. she likes jj so much, like so so so much n she feels safe when she's w her, but she is a bit on shaky ground, mentally. she def isn't ten toes behind this jus yet like jj is tho. but she does like her a lot, and there is that a nagging voice in her head, especially when she's physically w jj that says, "this is it” but jj has submitted to that; jasira absolutely has not gotten there yet. she's not gonna let herself get there for a while, either. she absolutely keeps herself in check, does not herself go off into the deep end right away. she has thoughts n she pushes them off for a bit. that is extremely important to have the back of ur mind.

another thing of extreme importance to have in the back of ur mind is jj. by that, i mean, the way she conducts herself in this connection. the way she interacts, engages in their conversations. the type of person she is in relationship to people. she is v much not an open book. she's private as hell. she neglects to get personal beyond a certain level; she purposely avoids sharing. shy tries but jj redirects back to shy every time. yes, she is more open w jasira than she has ever been in relationships in the past – jasira gets more of her unguarded personality but the lack of sharing is something that shy has noticed a few times over. so, u have to consider that shy does not know jj nearly as well as jj knows her. which def affects her view of things n their connection, despite how much she likes her. it's easy, for her to pump the brakes n bring herself down to earth bcus she's reminded more than once, more than twice, well over a few times, that she does not know jj like that. n the thought of being serious w someone she don't really know, of really tying herself to someone she don't really know is anxiety-inducing for her. so, bcus of jj's strong sense of privacy n struggles w opening up, despite how shy feels, it makes it easier for her to walk this connection w her mind more than her heart despite the fact that her heart isn't quiet in this at all.

we all know shy's past. she's got an ex in his mid-30s who groomed and abused her in her formative teen years, during her college years. an ex who continues to stalk her n harass her. she didn't get to go to school dances, not even homecoming or prom, despite having won both of those titles. she didn't get to go to parties. she didn't get to participate in senior skip day w her peers. she didn't even get to enjoy the freedom of traveling w dance competitions bcus her coach was her bfs sister so he was there. shy didn't get to have any typical teenage experience, so she's kinda in a delayed adolescent state of life rn. she likes it; she needs it; she's determined to have it. she's reclaiming her freedom, sense of self n experiences. so, that also needs to b in the back of ur mind.

another thing is how she grew up n her role models. ive mentioned it in the story, but shy adores her grandpa. i mean, basically worships the ground he walks on. not even jus him as the grandpa he is to her but him as the husband he is to her grandma; she idolizes that whole relationship. that was huge for her, when she was a lil girl n living w them before she moved to new orleans. n most of the other members of her mother's family have healthy, loving marriages. that was the standard, for her, before she moved to new orleans when she was a lil girl. when she moved w her parents n she begin to notice the relationships n marriages of those around her, of all the people married people she knew, all the relationships she saw cycle in n out -- which was a high number; jasira has always been community oriented n she has a huge family as is -- she never saw a healthy relationship. they are all toxic in some way shape or form n no one seemed to notice that they were toxic. so as she grew up, the love she saw in marriage n relationship on her mother's side of the family shifted from becoming her standard to an ideal that felt out of reach bcus in her mind, clearly, they were actually the exception n not the rule. so, keep this in mind as well.

jj's laidback, easy-going -- in shy's opinion -- cool/suave. she not flashy, not showy; she doesn't walk into a room tryna prove herself or puff out her chest n doesn't need to; she's got that strong, silent thing about her. she can command attention without trying too hard n she can go under the radar if she wants to. shy peeps it; shes into it. its her ideal/dream n it always has been. plus she's protective; the first time they officially met, jj was protecting her so it def did a thing for her. she reminds her of her grandpa n when shy was a lil kid, her ideal of a husband was her grandpa in her uncle jo's font (her uncle jo is a butch lesbian btw). so, when she first actually met jj, she reminded her of her grandpa n bcus of that shy was even more interested n attracted to her before they actually met she was more intrigued/drawn to her bcus of the way she managed to make her feel bcus the feeling was unusual (but v desirable) for her. to top it all off, while jj is not the person shy would describe if u asked for her type, jasira doesn't think shes unattractive. she is v good looking, in jasira's eyes; like shy thinks jj could easily b a model, if she wanted to. so, i have to say that jj not being shy's type doesnt mean in anyway that shy thinks shes unattractive on a physical level bcus also circling back to her grandpa (hes a white presenting mulatto(white passing n white presenting arent the same thing btw) jj n shy's grandpa have features in common. specifically their eyes, which blue eyes arent rare or anything but her blue eyes paired w her energy/how she carries herself n the fact that she already reminded shy of her grandpa (in terms of how she witnessed him engage w her grandma) def makes her easier to b attracted to bcus it triggers a "fairytale ideal" shy's dreamt of that she had overtime written off as an anomaly of sorts. so thats the "basic" attraction. but there are personality traits for jj that makes jasira feel safe w jj which makes her really like jj as a person n thus increases her attraction more n more.

like the fact that jj respects boundaries that shy sets, even when its like body language n not overt. shy loves that. jj's good at noticing things about jasira n adjusting according to make her comfortable. jasira first picked up in it during sex when she pushed jj away a bit bcus her was a lil too strong in her thrust n jj immediately got the message n respected it. it is a bare minimum thing to most people, yes. it is the standard, yes. shy, however, has a lot of sexual trauma so it meant everything to her. but that was something that made shy feel more comfortable w her. it was one of the things that got jj invited back to the house. it's also another thing that made her feel comfortable "giving orders" so to speak when they got back to the house. the moment w the waistbeads jasira set a firm boundary n jj immediately respected it. it was special to shy. those things revealed that jj was respectful but also attentive (referring to the nonverbal cues). it also, to shy, read as a lack an ego. which was attractive to shy. to shy, jj's lack of an (unhealthy) ego meant self security. self security meant she didn't have to worry about jj tryna "control" or "dominate". which made jj feel like a much safer person to explore w. the feeling of security made jj that much more attractive. as they talk n get to know each other, it's reaffirmed by the fact that jj allows jasira to dictate the terms of their connection n jus kinda follows her lead in that way n respects what she needs. jj makes shy feel like shes in control of her own (love) life truly for once n its exactly what shy needs rn.

or the fact that, during the morning, after they had sex the first second time, shy had cooked for them n gone to take a shower. jj waited for her to get back so they could eat together. jasira thought that was really sweet of her to wait. she also was thought it showed patience n discipline which she liked n found attractive. when they finished eating together, jj offered to watch dishes. it was both sweet n considerate of her. n sure, shy wasn't gonna allow it but she liked that she offered. shy really likes how sweet jj is w her. its another one of those things that makes liking her feel safe n thus making jj more attractive.

jj is dedicated to staying in contact w her which shy really likes. she thinks people pouring into things they value to b hot on its own, in relation to like if its a passion or something but it is extra attractive to her if they pour that heavily into a person n the person in question being her makes her view jj as more special. she knows jj technically doesn't have time to put into this connection n yet jj's found every crack n hidden corner of her day to fill w jasira n that means a lot to shy. makes her like jj more n thus makes jj sexier.

gonna circle back to jj's humility/lack of an ego. jj actually asks questions n actually lets herself learn from the responses. it really takes humility to admit u dont know something much less ask for help to learn more. so the fact that jj isn't bashful w her when it comes to doing that, the fact that shes humble enough to do that makes jj so hot to jasira.

oh! jasira thinks it is SO hot how easily jj can pick her up like she loves jj's physical strength. its one of those things that instantly turn her on ngl. its so attractive to jj.

but yea shy is still learning about jj n stuff so yea it affects her side of things.

another thing that, i dont wanna necessarily use the word attractive or imply that she likes this about jj but it is worth noting bcus its important to jasira's desire when dealing w jj -- jj's repression. shy knows what jj's like when shes really being herself n she also sees the switch flips when she doesn't feel like shes allowed to b herself n retreats into herself. again im not gonna say that jasira is "attracted" to that but she is determined to help her thru that need she has to hide n pretty much degrade herself on account of her masculinity. like her genuine desire to make jj see that its not jus okay for her to authentically exist but also its beautiful when she does exist authentically is super important to why she wants to b in jj's life rn. shy kinda feels like jj is important to have in her life rn as shes exploring her sexuality (not referring to exploring sexuality in terms of orientation but ya know) bcus sghe provides a safe space to do that while also helpng her reframe sex n romance back into something positive but she also thinks shes jus as important to jj rn. like she thinks they met each other at v important, v necessary times in both their lives which kinda plays a roll in how much she pours into jj n their connection; she sees their potential to help the other grow n is def striving for that above all else.

anyway this was v long; i tend to b long winded n a bit rambly. i hope it didnt lose u.

#the author speaks #jennifer jareau fanfic #jennifer jareau fanfiction #jennifer jj jareau #jennifer jareau x oc #ro presents: under the new orleans stars

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pjunicornart · 8 months ago

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Okay, so, uh... For some reason my ask isn't showing up on any Tumblr feed, so. I'm just gonna make a post. I got the notif that it was answered, but I can't see the post. I dunno, I think Tumblr is shitting itself.

ANYWAY. Yes, @xskywalker21, I do have a gift for you! It's actually a Meet the Robinsons AU of mine. I'll refer to it as "Compass" for now, but you can change it if you want.

Essentially, this is an AU where Cornelius lived in a cozy cottage in the woods with his pet duck Achilles. He's a field journalist who loves nature and the quiet air of the forest. Venturing outside of the forest was a small town square situated on a pier overlooking the ocean. It was here where Cornelius met Franny.

Franny lived in her parent's bakery after a very ugly divorce with Wilbur's birth father. Wilbur was five years old when Neil first met him. Neil would always visit her family's bakery because he loved the chocolate almond bread... One could say he was a liiiiiiiiittle bit addicted. Anyway, Franny's family (her brothers, mother, and grandmother) knew Neil was a good man, and could sense she was becoming infatuated with him.

One thing led to another, and two years later they're married. They all live in the cottage together now, and Wilbur seems to love it! (Especially Achilles.) I left the story off with Franny announcing to Neil they were having a baby.

That's the basic story, but here's some other stuff I thought you should know: - Achilles got his name because of what happens when you tap the back of his heel. He belly flops. - The whole AU was inspired by Cottagecore aesthetics, and the idea of cozy cottage living. Specifically this one playlist I came across really inspired it, which I can find and link if you want. - Franny's ex was a bad person. I haven't fleshed that guy out, but just know that Wilbur calls Neil "daddy", and not him. - Neil does have his family, they just live out of state. They visit occasionally, and of course they were there for the wedding! They all thought he was too wrapped up in his plants to find love. - Speaking of, instead of having a special interest and knowledge in machinery, this AU Neil is knowledgeable of fauna and flora from across the globe! - Franny can play guitar, flute, and cello. - Neil started frequenting the bakery before Franny got divorced, probably about a year before. When she saw him, it was basically love at first sight. - Their dating life wasn't something I had super fleshed out, but one thing I did have down was Neil's proposal to Franny. He proposed to her overlooking his favorite lake. The water was so clean, the moon and stars glistened in its reflection. - Both Neil and Franny know how to sing. Franny because she's just that kind of person, but Neil knows because he took choir in high school. It was a filler class.

The rest is up to you! I'm giving this AU to you because... Well I dunno. I just thought you'd like it. There's a one shot for it on my AO3 (it's in the Songtober fic, it's the "Lullaby" chapter), but that's pretty much it. That was my attempt to spark interest in it again, but meh... It didn't take. So instead of letting it die, I'm gifting this AU to you!

#rosey rambles #fanfic #meet the robinsons #meet the robinsons au #gift

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lunar-years · 1 year ago

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i think i remember you mentioned how jamie’s love confession to keeley had nothing to do with how he felt about her romantically and i’d love to hear more of your thoughts on it. jamie’s so strange throughout the ep, and considering it’s right after the man city confrontation with his father, it’s probably not too far of a stretch to say he’s thinking about his own father’s death and having a bit of an existential crisis himself. i think jamiekeeley is cute btw and i’m all for ot3 roykeeleyjamie! just wanted to pick your brain about this. and apologies if you’ve never posted about this and i’m remembering the wrong user

Hi! I’m pretty sure this wasn’t me who said it (but never say never because I sure say a lot on here, lol). However you might have still seen it on my blog, because I think I responded to an ask recently with the same opinion!

Regardless, my personal view on it is that Jamie was definitely speaking romantically, BUT I’ve seen a bunch of people think otherwise and it’s fun to explore different viewpoints so I'm gonna talk about my opinions on the funeral episode anyway lmao :)

I think the funeral is soooo interesting because Jamie AND Roy AND Keeley are all acting kind of strangely. Even when we figure how why Roy is being so odd (Grandad Emotions), but there's still whatever is going on between Jamie and Keeley. Because like, yeah, Jamie definitely should’ve 1) realized his boss' father's funeral wasn’t the time nor place for love confessions and 2) probably not done it regardless because, yes, it is kind of out of pocket to tell your ex-girlfriend you’re still in love with her when she’s currently dating someone else (who just so happens to be your current football coach who just helped you during a very traumatic experience)…like ohhh Jamie. Messy!! But I love mess. So therefore I did love this. 🤷‍♀️ However…the topic is not necessarily as ~coming up out of nowhere~ as it first seems, I think. Importantly, Keeley is also acting weirdly!!

I was staring at this gifset recently and thinking many a Keeley thought, and to be honest I think feelings and big emotions were being stirred up again on BOTH sides at that event. It’s interesting (and I think rings true to other insights we've gotten into her character) that as soon as things get a little dicey with Roy, Keeley starts looking outside her relationship, either for people to confide in (as she does when she tells everyone but Roy about the problems she’s having with Roy in Headspace) or to reflect on what she no longer has but is suddenly wondering if she might miss and possibly still want (her contemplative looks at Jamie at the funeral, “you look nice Jamie” etc…. Maybe this is an unpopular take, but I think Keeley is also feeling some type of way that day, about Jamie in particular. And yeah I definitely think that has an impact on why Jamie chooses then to confess to her. He's sensing a different vibe between them suddenly and is reminded, I need to do this.

The other reasons in Jamie’s head imo are 1) Jamie is just generally very open about most of his feelings and I think he’s coming at it from, a 'you should tell the people you love that you love them!' place, right or wrong 2) as he later tells Roy, the funeral made him uncomfy!! and AS YOU SAY yeah i do think there's definitely an connection between that and his dad abusing him in front of the whole team, which has just happened very recently. PERHAPS he is already Not Doing Great, and watching his boss who he doesn't really know act Weird during the eulogy for her Dead Father has him extra off-kilter. 3) as we learn in s3... his dad disappeared after Wembley. No calls, no texts. Nothing. Now, we don't have categoric evidence that this is unusual, but to ME James Sr. doesn't seem like someone who typically leaves well enough alone. I can definitely see Jamie still being freaked out over this very big thing that happened that his dad has got to be incredibly angry about. Perhaps there is still a part of him very much waiting for the other shoe to drop! Which is to say, I do think you're right that there's an element of existential crisis going on here.

Also, while I do personally think Jamie's confession is romantic in nature, I do not think it is conditional in intent. Jamie isn't telling her with the expectation that she's going to dump Roy immediately and tell him that oh yeah, she loves him too. Like, Jamie isn't an idiot. I think he does at the heart of it just want to thank her and he's been meaning to thank her for a while because she means SO MUCH TO HIM that it all has to come spilling out as some point. And a part of that love is romantic, yes, but he also loves her in so many ways. I think Jamie is perfectly content to put it out there and let her set the terms of their future friendship/relationship. Most important to him is that she knows.

So anyway, sorry this got so long and that it isn't really what your original question was about (for anyone who thinks the confession wasn't about Jamie loving her romantically, please feel free to chime in/reblog and add your thoughts!) but in summation, I think: Roy being upset about other things (Grandad) causes him to stir a fight with Keeley -> The fight with Roy causes Keeley to re-evaluate some things and part of her focus undeniably lands on Jamie -> Jamie senses something has changed between him and Keeley and because of that, in addition to the lingering aftershocks of a recent very traumatic experience, confesses he's still in love with her at a funeral.

Which is to say, as I DO always say here at lunar-years, these three's stories have always been irrevocably intertwined since the beginning (regardless of the ot3 as a ship) and the funeral is another example of that. Also it is totally crazy that we never get an explicit follow-up to Man City until episode 11 of the NEXT SEASON and that is one of my biggest grievances on season 2.

#thanks for asking :)#jamiekeeley #royjamiekeeley #ted lasso #jamie tartt #keeley jones #asks #ted lasso meta #Keeley in that episode re: Jamie is so similar to how she is about him in early s3. like. I'm thinking thoughts.#something something even when she's with roy there's still a jamie shape in the corner...something unfinished there between them #and they were always going to come back to it. of course they were.

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ellas-eras-era · 4 months ago

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This was originally for school, but I decided to post it here! It was translated by a website, as I didn’t write it in english, so please excuse any grammatical mistakes!

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT: THE ANTHOLOGY (TTPDTA)

The first song on the album is called Fortnight and is written by Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff, and Austin Post (Post Malone). The song is sung by Swift and Post and is about four minutes long, with Swift singing most of the song. I would describe the song as a quieter song than what most people know Swift for, but the lyrics are still quite dramatized. It's about a person she was dating but is now an ex. Their relationship went from romantic partners to friendly neighbors, but Swift isn't quite over him yet. In the song, she says "I love you, it's ruining my life" repeatedly, which emphasizes how strong her feelings are for her ex.

Song number two is a kind of title track, , i.e. a song by name on the album. The song was released with the first album TTPD, and is a title track for this album, but does not have the full title of TTPDTA. The song was written by both Swift and Antonoff, but is only sung by Swift. This song is slightly longer than the previous one and is about five minutes long. I'm not sure exactly what the song is about, but it seems like it's about a relationship Swift was in that isn't as good as it once was. In the song she says "who's gonna know you like me?", which I interpret as her talking to her boyfriend while he's on his way out of the relationship. Swift hasn't said what the song is about, so this is what I interpret it as.

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys is song number three. This song was written by Swift herself, and sung by her alone, and is about three and a half minutes long. This is one of the few songs she has spoken about in terms of theme and inspiration. According to Swift, the song is about being somebody's "favorite toy", but which is destroyed over time and is then lost interest in. Yet you feel that this person is going to go back to loving you like they did before when you were new to them. This is one of my favorite songs on the album because I like the tempo of the song and how it is produced. The tempo of the song is not very calm, but not very fast either. When it comes to how it's produced, it's produced by Swift and Antonoff. Something I have noticed is that I prefer her songs that are produced by him and Dessner.

Down bad is also one of my favorite songs on the album, and song number four. Like the song TTPD, the song is written by Swift and Antonoff, and sung by only Swift. I think the song has the feel of a song written after you've been broken up with. In the song, she reminisces about when she was with the person. She says "For a moment I knew cosmic love. Now I'm down bad crying at the gym." In these sentences, you see quite a contrast between what the relationship was like and what it was like to be broken up with. She's not just sad, in the song she says "So fuck you if I can't have us", which shows that she's both angry at the person, but also sad that the relationship ended.

Song number five, So Long, London, is one of the first really sad songs on the album. One of the first things you notice about the song is that there are a lot of harmonies and layers to this song. The next thing I noticed is how much "quieter" the song is, not necessarily quieter, but the instruments and sounds are not as loud as the others. Something I've noticed is how the quieter and sadder songs are often written by Swift and Dessner, not Swift and Antonoff. This song is then written by Swift and Dessner, and sung by Swift. Another thing I noticed when I first listened to the song was that it seemed like it was written about the same situation as You're Losing Me, a song that was released after the album Midnights (2022), but rather after the situation is over. The song also seems like Swift is reflecting on both the situation and the relationship between her and her boyfriend. In the song You're Losing Me, she says "My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick", and in So Long London, Swift says "And I'm just getting color back in my face". This is just one of several similarities between So Long, London, and You're Losing Me. In the song London Boy from the album Lover (2019), she says "You know I love a London boy!", and in the song So Long, London Swift says "So long, London...", which I think is a contrast. More specifically, I think these songs are about the same person, a person she was in a very serious relationship with, but which is now over. There are a lot of similarities and parallels in these songs as well.

The first song on TTPDTA is called The Black Dog. It was written and sung by Taylor Swift herself. The song is produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift and is approximately 4 minutes long. The name itself usually refers to depression, but this name also has another meaning. The Black Dog is also a bar, and in the song she talks about how her ex brings their new boyfriend to the same bar they always went to. Swift says "Six weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke." This could mean that the relationship between Swift and her ex wasn't healthy, but she still misses it. She knows it's not good for her, but she misses the person so much that it doesn't matter. Swift's ex brought their new boyfriend to "their" bar, which says that there is also jealousy in the song. I think the actual meaning of the song is that she misses an unhealthy relationship, while seeing her ex with her new boyfriend being happy together, while she's devastated that their relationship is over and that the person has moved on so quickly. The song starts off calm and pleasant, but becomes more intense as it progresses. Specifically, the music becomes more intense when she says "Old habits die screaming", and extra intense on the last word. Shortly after the first time the music reaches the highest point, it calms down. However, the music builds higher and higher throughout the song. This is something I think makes the song more interesting. I think this is a good song to open an album with as it is both interesting in terms of music and meaning.

Song number two, imgonnagetyouback, was written and produced by Swift and Antonoff, and like most of the other songs on the album it is sung by her alone. This song is also about 4 minutes long, but is slightly different from the others so far. imgonnagetyouback falls under the genre of pop. In the song, she talks about how she's not sure if she wants to take revenge on the person or get back together with them. An example of this is when she says "Wether I'm gonna be your wife or gonna smash up your bike, I haven't decided yet, but I'm gonna get you back." This emphasizes that she hasn't decided how she feels about this person and doesn't know what she wants to do about the situation. I think this song carries on the more intense part of The Black Dog, but more what sounds are used, above how intense the music is. This is one of my favorites because I prefer a more "active" song over calm songs, so this song hits the mark pretty perfectly.

The third song, The Albatross, was written and produced by Taylor Swift and Aaron Dessner, and sung by Swift. The song is slightly shorter than most of the others on the album, clocking in at around three minutes, and is a fairly quiet song. In the song, Swift says several times "She's the albatross, she is here to destroy you", and much more about the main character in the song. She also says "They tried to warn you about me", which shows that the song is being sung to someone, and if anyone, herself. A sentence that shows that what is said can be untrue is "the devil that you know looks now more like an angel". People see her as a bad person, but when they get to know her they see that she is actually a very good person. That's why I think the meaning behind the song is that others say a lot of things that aren't true about the main character, to the person she's in love with, who's also in love with her. Because of what everyone says about her, no one likes her, so she ends up all alone, but there is someone who doesn't believe everything they say. This person is warned about her, but doesn't believe what they say. The person gets to know her and sees her for who she is.

Song number four is a bit out of the ordinary for Swift when it comes to song titles. The song is called Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus. The song is sung by Taylor Swift, written and produced by Swift and Dessner. It's about three and a half minutes long, and like The Albatross, quite calm. I think the song is reflective, reflecting on a relationship that is falling apart, but no one is doing anything about it. Some phrases from the song that I think support this theory are "(...) hands in the hair of sombody in darkness, named Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus, and I just watched it happen." I mean, she's saying that her boyfriend is involved with someone she doesn't know, but she couldn't do anything about it, she just stood there and watched it happen. Later in the song she describes how she changed and pulled away from the person, but they didn't do anything about it, they just watched it happen. No one dealt with what happened, but they both watched it happen.

The last song I'm going to write about, song number five, is called How did it end? Like the two previous songs, the song is written and produced by Swift and Dessner, and sung by Swift alone. How did it end? is about four minutes long, which is quite common on this album. Much like Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus, I think How did it end? is also reflective, but now more obvious. Swift starts the song by saying "We hereby conduct this post-mortem". A post-mortem is something you do after a person has died, trying to find out why, or looking at the body of the deceased to find out something else. So I think this song reflects on how and why a relationship ended. Swift also repeatedly asks "how did it end?", which directly states that she is not sure how the relationship ended.

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT: THE ANTHOLOGY is a long, and in my opinion, good album. Swift has great variety in her songs, both in length, genre, and mood, which is something I like. She's very good at explaining, conveying and formulating situations and stories, so her lyrics are also very nice. The last thing I want to talk about is her voice and how she uses it. Swift has a large vocal range, and she uses it. In this album, she mostly uses the lower part of her vocal range, but also the opposite part. She has in songs like Who's afraid of little old me? where she sings quite brightly. This is also something that is important, in addition to the fact that she has depth and control over her voice. All in all, I think this is a very good album and would recommend it. I give this album a 6/6.

Looking back on this, I think I wrote this while being sick, because grammar and obvious meanings of the songs decided to go for a walk, and never come back. I do agree with most of it, if not all. Hope you enjoyed, and if you read all of this, I hope you still have years left to live, because who let me write a text this long…

#the tortured poets department #the tortured poets department: the anthology #taylor swift #ttpd #album review #first actual post #i hope this makes sense

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tranquil-turbulence · 1 year ago

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SS Month ‘23 - Day 28

Day 27 | Day 28 | Day 29

Prompt: Blind Date

WARNING(S): N/A

“Do I look alright?”

“You look really nice, Mama,” Sarada answered, looking up from her phone to smile at her mother’s visage in the mirror. “I’ve never seen that dress before.”

Sakura popped the cover back onto the tube of lipstick, set it down on the armoire, and glanced down at herself. The sparkly little number was a cherry red, something that Ino had helped her pick out forever ago. “Oh, I’ve had this… goodness, years at this point. I don’t think I’ve worn this since before you were born.”

“Really?” Now the teenager was standing, an impressed glimmer in her eyes as she cupped her chin in one hand and moved this way and that.

“Mhm. Auntie Ino picked it out for me.” Sakura took one last glance at her reflection and a wry smile spread across her face at the memories of youthful days. Post-divorce, Ino had proudly said once, her life would only get more exciting from there. Of course, she wasn't wrong - raising a child by herself had certainly been exciting enough.

“Well, whoever you’re meeting is gonna be blown away.”

The woman’s eyes softened, and she reached over to give her daughter a tight hug. “You’re such a sweetheart.”

As she pulled away and glanced at the clock, her eyes widened. “Oh shoot, I need to go! Honey, where’s my purse…?”

----------

Heaving a quick sigh to ground herself, Sakura adjusted her shawl and gripped her purse tighter in her hand,

The restaurant she was meeting him in was warm, inviting, and the hostess smiled brightly at her as she entered. “Good evening, ma’am. Do you have a reservation?”

“Yes,” she responded, “um… under Uzumaki, I believe…?”

��Let’s see, Uzumaki… Uzumaki…” Narrowing her eyes, the hostess typed something into the computer.

Sakura waited as patiently as she could, glancing past her into the dining hall. It was nearly full to capacity, and she added a mental note to thank HInata and her husband for arranging this.

“Ah! Yes, right this way. Your date is here already.” With a wink, the hostess grabbed a menu and gestured to follow.

Sakura walked behind the pretty young woman, glancing here and there at table after table. While most were full of convivial conversation and high spirits, others were empty or only occupied by one or two. Her heart pounded in her chest each time they passed a table with one occupant. Would this be her date? Or would this?

Finally, the hostess paused at a table, and that’s when Sakura’s eyes widened.

Oh he did not. He fucking didn’t.

Her date was as wide-eyed as she was, lips parted as if to say something.

“Alright, enjoy, you two! Your waiter will stop in shortly.” Oblivious to the tension that suddenly engulfed the table, the hostess walked away, leaving Sakura to stare at the unmistakable face of her ex-husband.

“Um,” she started, looking around, “you… you’re the guy? That Hinata told me about?”

“I should’ve known Naruto was gonna try something,” Sasuke groaned quietly, covering his face with one hand.

Now her heart was pounding, but for another reason altogether. It had been years since she’d last had contact with him after the divorce. Whenever he saw their daughter, it was a woman who came to pick her up, not her ex - a coworker of his, she’d claimed, but Sakura was sure he’d rebounded by now. The fact that he was supposed to be her date…

Realizing people were starting to look over, she slowly took a seat.

“Good evening, ma’am, I’ll be your waiter for the evening.” A young man came up to the table, all polite smiles, even as he seemed to clue in on the awkwardness hanging there. “What can I get you to start with?”

Glancing through the menu for a second, Sakura responded, “A Bellini, please.”

“I’ll… take a beer, Guinness,” Sasuke answered hesitantly, glancing over at her before looking at the waiter.

“Alright, I’ll be back when you’re ready.” Nodding, he turned and walked off in the direction of the bar.

Now that he was gone, it was harder to ignore the reason she was here in the first place.

“Sooooo…” Sasuke began quietly, catching her attention. “How is Sarada?”

“Fine as always.” She answered curtly. “She’s going to try out for the debate team next week for an extracurricular.”

“Oh. Well, good for her. She’d excel in that..."

This was too damn awkward. Where were those drinks?

“Look, Sasuke… I’m… I’m sorry about the blind date.” She gestured vaguely to the table. “I know we made up our minds years ago that we were a bad match, and honestly I only agreed to this because Ino said I was too boring now.” Taking a sip of water, she added, “Don’t you have a girlfriend now? I’m surprised.”

A frown creased his brow. “I never had one. I’ve… been busy.”

Oof. Well, way to overthink that situation. She hated the brief seedling of relief that sprouted in her gut before she squished it dead. “Ah. Yeah, I have too.” Raising our daughter, she wanted to say, but at this point any hostility she might have had was gone. She at least counted herself lucky they’d split on amicable terms.

“... Are you disappointed that it’s me you’re meeting?” He asked hesitantly.

Sakura hummed quietly in thought. Was she? “I mean… I wasn’t exactly looking for a boyfriend in the first place… but mostly it feels awkward. I don’t know what they were thinking, trying to set us up again.”

Naruto had been there during the divorce. She remembered not-too-fondly how upset he was that their short-lived marriage had ended so soon, but he hadn’t blamed her. He never blamed either of them. (Well, Hinata had mentioned he was pretty hard on Sasuke for a while, but she chalked it up to him being upset due to him being her high school sweetheart.)

Hinata had been nothing but supportive for the last fourteen years, and for that she was immensely grateful. The first weeks and months after the divorce had left her numb and aimless, going through the motions at the hospital until Tsunade forcibly gave her a vacation to shape herself up. She had been there through every low, through every long night wondering just what went wrong, why she couldn’t love him anymore, and if she had been stupid for thinking she would be an outlier to the warning that young married couples couldn’t last long.

Glancing to the side, she could see their water coming. Oh, thank God.

“And here you are,” he announced to them, balancing a tray in his hand. “One Bellini for the lady, and a beer for the gentleman. Now. Have you had the chance to look through the menu? Any appetizers I can start you off with?”

“Ah, appetizers…?” Sasuke and Sakura glanced at each other. Sakura shrugged, and he shook his head. “No appetizers, then.”

“Alright, nice, going for a main course. What did you decide on?”

Sasuke paused, looking at her. “Do you…?”

Sakura nodded, pointing at the menu. “I’ll take the salmon filet, medium, please.”

“Alright, and what would you like on the side? We’ve got coleslaw, seasonal veggies, a baked potato, mashed potatoes, and rice pilaf.”

“Seasonal veggies, please.”

“Very good, very good…” The waiter turned to Sasuke. “And for you?”

“I’ll have the ribeye, medium rare, with seasonal veggies.”

“Sounds good! I’ll have that out for you shortly.” Accepting the menus back, the waiter walked away from the table.

Sakura wasted no time taking a sip of her drink. Alcohol tolerance be damned, she wanted to be at least tipsy if she was gonna get through this.

Sasuke looked up at her for a moment, before sipping his beer. As he set the glass back on the table, he commented, “I’m not upset.”

“Hm?”

“About… about the date. I’m more surprised than I ought to be, considering Naruto’s…” he grimaced, gesturing with a wave of his hand, “... tendencies, but in some ways I’m… kinda glad it’s you.”

She remained quiet. The little cherry floating in her Bellini was suddenly very interesting to look at. It bobbed freely in the liquid, even as she swirled the glass this way and that.

“I know things ended… poorer than they should have.” Sasuke bowed his head a little, and his dark hair fell over his face. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen his hair that long. “And I’m sorry. I really am.”

Sakura sighed quietly. “Ah, hell, you’re gonna make me feel bad.”

“That’s not what I want to do.”

“Well, if you’re gonna start getting all apologetic and regretful, I’m gonna feel bad if I don’t apologize too.” Her cheeks flushed pink, and she looked away pensively. “Part of that was my fault. I was so sure we were gonna prove everyone wrong and stay together despite the odds, and on top of that I know you had to leave. I was bitter, but I really should’ve known that was gonna be a part of it.”

“It’s not your fault I went into the military, you know.” His gaze was intense, even despite the neutral expression on his face.

“I know that.” She took another measured sip.

“So then why do you feel bad about it?”

“Because I was young and dumb with something to prove.” Her cherry-red lips pressed into a line as she leaned over the table, chin resting atop her knuckles. “You know what they say about military wives. You know what they say about deployment. I heard all of these crazy stories, and I refused to admit that could happen to us. I got so obsessed with being the only woman in your life that I lost my head.”

Sasuke took a pause. Then a soft chortle escaped his throat. “I can’t blame you for that, I suppose. There were many times I worried you would find someone else while I was away. Plenty of senior officers I met had stories about being the ‘other’ in their own relationships.”

A weighty silence enveloped the table. Sakura tapped her nails on the table, their bold color catching the light off of her glass of alcohol. The gel shimmered, and she turned her thumb back and forth, raptured with the way the light bent and curved around the nail.

“It’s surreal.”

“Hm? What is?” She looked up.

“Seeing you again.” His chin rested in his hand, and a faraway expression coloring his face. “You’ve… not changed a bit. You've aged well.”

Her face pinkened, and she had to look down to avoid the undeniable warmth in the barely-there smile that threatened to curve his lips. “Y- you have too. Are you still, uh, a military man?”

“Nah, I got out about a year or so ago.” He shrugged. “I’m tired of it. I wanted to get back to the real world.”

“Oh.” She nodded, her reaction succinctly summed up in that one word. “Well. Uh, good for you. I’m glad you’re back. Does that mean you’re ready to see her?”

Sasuke hummed. “Does she want to see me?”

“She… I don’t know,” the woman answered slowly. “She’s a teenager now. Sometimes I can’t get a read on what she actually wants. She says she doesn’t care, but… sometimes I worry about her. She doesn’t bring up the idea of having a dad, but when I told her I was going on a date tonight she seemed so happy for me.”

Bobbing his head up and down, her ex murmured, “I see.”

“If she does want to, I’m not going to stop her,” she continued, glancing up at him before taking a sip of her drink.

There was something in his tone that made her heart clench a little. “I… I would like that.”

A half-smile tugged at her mouth, and she belatedly noticed the same on his as he drank his beer.

#sasusaku month 2023 #divorce #blind date #single parent sakura haruno #reunion #sasusaku

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bisluthq · 2 months ago

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Unpopular opinion but I believe not having the ability to be alone by yourself for a moment after breaking up from a relationship is a bit… worrying? Idk I believe you atleast need to let yourself fully healed and move-on and not just jumping from one person to another just tryna fill the void yk… And no I’m not just referring to a specific celebrity here but in general too. Like please take sometime to heal & reflect, you’re not going to die even if you don’t have a romantic partner

I kinda also believe this but I also am like… never completely single so it’s not something I can JUDGE people for (except in the sense that I think it’s a source of many of my issues). I’ve had stretches where I don’t have a serious partner but even then I was always talking to some people and going on dates and like sleeping around. My bf and I are in a very good place and I’m actually doing a huge amount of work on myself at the moment so I… can’t really see us breaking up in the near future at all lmao like we’ve actually sorted through all the problems we had historically BUT if he threw a curveball and broke up with me OR if he did something nasty and I broke up with him, I really would want to stay single - and I mean celibate - for a while.

My one friend who’s a huge mess in many ways (we are very similar and chaotic) is in a very bad place right now emotionally (like I had to do a wellness check on her levels of bad last Sunday night which is insane because normally I get those I don’t give them) and she keeps saying she’s gonna stay single till December. And I’m like… why December though? What will change? She refuses to do anything like to deal with the depression or get over anything. I asked her to join the gym with me (she doesn’t want to because her ex goes there too and often with my boyfriend). I asked her to come to yoga with me (not at the gym). I’ve suggested she come to another club with me that I don’t really want to post about. She does none of that. She goes to work and she comes home and drinks and she sees her elderly neighbor across the hall and like me sometimes. And she’s saying she’s staying single to work on herself but I’m not seeing this supposed work? All I’m seeing is this lady (and this lady is like my best friend in terms of frequency of communication and proximity to my house) has essentially pencilled in Fuck Day into a random day that month.

anyway my point is you shouldn’t aim to get into a relationship when you’re hung up on other crap. But also some people really are very done with a situation by the time it ends and don’t necessarily need that single time. And also you should use that time constructively like to really work on yourself idk.

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dorksideoftheforce · 1 year ago

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Anniversary dates have really been getting to me. The past month has been like back to back to back and today is another one and I’ve been reflecting on everything and I’m in this place where this is where I’m at…

I have felt so overwhelmed and triggered because the pain that I felt back then about everything but didn’t face because I wanted to make sure Amanda was okay, I’m feeling it now because she’s gone and she knows what I did. I sent myself anon hate and my ex’s best friend sent me a kind anon message and i saw her last post and went to tell her thank you for showing me what it meant to be a true friend; thanking her for being a true friend to Amanda and if she needed anything then I’d be there for her and she’d always have a friend in me but I didn’t send it because I was afraid she would think I was weird. She died that day. This was 11 years ago, today was the anniversary of her funeral. I told my ex the truth about it. It was the worst thing I have ever done in my life, to me, because it was my self hatred and stuff for me because I was insecure and then my fear of Amber thinking I was weird if I reached out that made me not reach out…now me reaching out to Amanda and being met with that same fear of her thinking that it wasn’t only cheesy but disrespectful and also that survivors guilt of making things worse because of my existence…

this is where my mind went, even though I meant every word of it in my heart and I fought myself on it because I didn’t want to burden her…I just wanted her to know cause I did go there and wanted her to know about the rock because they both meant so much to me and I wanted her to know and Amber’s family to know that someone went there who remembers her and loves her too cause I always have loved both of them and it’s like…so painful for me.

I absolutely see things from different perspectives but for me, this wasn’t nothing. Like I went there as much as I possibly could to make sure she was okay and to know that I wasn’t just gonna say I’m there but to show up in person and I did my fucking best. I was signed up for all the immigration stuff and I still get emails. I was 18/19, i had to have 50k and 10 years of experience working for some things. I did my best. I worked at Amazon and fucked my back up. I now have arthritis, was diagnosed with it at 22. I fucking did the best I could then. I didn’t want anything else from her than for her to be okay cause I didn’t want anything else bad to happen and distance is hard but I was always there and throughout all these years, I was just a text, phone call away or even just a come here away…I wish she knew how much she meant to me on her side and she didn’t doubt me and run to someone else after we broke up but she did and I’m not mad that she did because they were there for her in a way I couldn’t be, they listened to her and supported her in a way that I wasn’t when she expressed everything she felt for me and were there for her, even if she didn’t know the truth on my side, it doesn’t matter cause she needed that love and care and I know in my heart that she felt bad about it because she did love me, as much as she possibly could and that’s what kept me going because she was my best friend and even though we hurt each other, we still had love and cared for each other and that’s always gonna be there for me. She could have ripped my head off, she had every right to but she didn’t because she was kind and I know she’s doing the best that she can for her. She’s still a hero in my book and I know in my heart that even though this stuff hurts, how could I be mad and hold any resentment or anything against her..I can’t and I won’t and I forgive her too for hurting me unconsciously.

this made me face a lot of pain I kept inside. Shame, guilt, fear, sadness and I know I’m the one who did this to myself and she gave me as much kindness as she could after I told her but reassurance helps me. Like I wish I knew the truth with her too before I got my hopes up. The truth reveals itself to you in time and I hope it always does because this wasn’t nothing to me, this changed my life and I did my best to be here for me through this all these years because I do love and care about me and I love and care about Amanda and I never meant to hurt her. I am also triggered by how things went with her, this entire thing was already traumatic but now this healing part for me is so traumatic and getting blocked and I just cry and am doing my best to heal from this stuff in a way where I’m not going to other people to forget about it because I don’t personally want anybody else and now it’s all just grief. The ending of it all is grieving it all and I’m just waiting for my trauma therapy date and that’s where I’m at now. I promised Amber on the way up the stairs after I saw her coffin that I’d do my best by Amanda and me too and thanked her for her love and kindness to me. I stand on that. I am messy as fuck but I know my story and yeah, this shit fucked me up. 6, almost 7 years ago, I reached out to all of my other ex’s and apologized to them for what I did and it felt good too but this was like on a whole other level and I know I have mental illnesses and it’s not that I’m not healing and haven’t done any work all these years cause I have but this is where I’m at. You never realize how badly your insecurities and fear can stop you from reaching out to people for help for them and your own self. You do your best to help other people with good intentions but also understand that just because you are there for them doesn’t mean they will be there for you too. Love isn’t transactional. Love isn’t just something that shuts off; if it does then it’s not love. Love doesn’t mean people will stay by any means, love means you stand up for yourself and what you deserve and knowing your worth if anything. It’s not that you really expect anything from people because that’s not why you are there for them but also understand that it’s all about priorities and what they want to do and they have every right to not want you in their life and that’s okay. It’s also okay to be hurt and to own it. I made sure that I never talked to anybody after her and I broke up cause I wanted to heal and she came back when I got top surgery and was there for so much but she didn’t know and I didn’t know her life either and it’s sad because I felt safe with her and joy and my grief was tangled all around this and it makes sense to me…that’s all that really matters. It’s important to be honest and communicate with people you value and want in your life. I know shit gets scary but it’s so worth it. Karma is real too and it goes both ways cause after she left, Devin reached out to me and apologized for everything she did and THAT was so insanely unexpected but so appreciated but also wow, that shit was fucked up. I deserved way better than that and I really see things completely different now. True colors.

I just want to heal more so my fight or flight isn’t constantly on now because I feel like all of this stuff is constantly happening all over again and it’s so much. I cry so hard, I fall asleep. I have been drinking like crazy and that’s actually helped some which fucking sucks but I’m not smoking so that’s good cause that really helped me make it these past 11 years but fuck that and fuck drinking so much cause I don’t want to cope in a way that isn’t helpful to me anymore. Can’t wait for therapy - trauma therapy. More intense shit so I have to face it all to heal from it all and put this shit behind me cause I’m so fucking tired and I’m doing my best to hold on and I don’t want to drag anyone else along with me cause I’m used to doing things alone and not having anybody. I truly am. Over 6 years single. One date with someone who reminded me how important it is to heal and they were so respectful and graceful. Opened my heart back open completely, like it broke allllll the way open. I’m okay being alone unless someone actually puts effort into me too. I dance by my own motherfucking self. When I got sick as shit with covid and was in the hospital, nobody checked in on me but I had me and I have me through this too and get that people do what they wanna do and I don’t ever want to hold that against them. Just fucking be happy. Let’s go. Cause I got shit to do. Not die right now. Everybody deserves to be loved for who they truly are. To be known and valued and cherished for their existence and not only what they do for someone else. I’m gonna die on that hill.

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jackrrabbit · 3 years ago

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[excerpts of upcoming works.]

so as i discovered on @dream-theory the other day, i have over 63,000 words of wips right now??

i'm trying to rev myself up to post more, so here are a few excerpts from some of my favorite unfinished works, ranging from smut to fucked up smut! if anything here looks interesting to you, lmk so i'll be extra motivated to finish it ♥︎

pairings included in this post: [BNHA] Hawks x reader ✧ [BNHA] Todoroki x reader ✧ [BNHA] Overhaul x reader ✧ [BNHA] Shigaraki x reader (iwcb p4!) ✧ [KNY] Sanemi x reader (x Rengoku).

cw for all works: 18+, f!reader, all characters are adults. (btw these are the usual shitty first drafts, please have mercy 😭)

[BNHA] Hawks x reader /// Champagne Room

Summary: A petty thief gets more than she bargained for when she tries to take advantage of a pro.

Warnings: stripper!reader, love-drunk Hawks

Status: 2.5k words written out of ~5k total

You wouldn’t call yourself a villain, but sometimes you get jobs. At first it was all anonymous: letters in your mailbox with no return address, voicemails from blocked numbers. A time and a date, a name, a list of questions. And a number. Your reward. You ignored the requests at first, but then the numbers got bigger and bigger—and hey, if they knew your phone number and your address you were already screwed, so…

You made it happen. You did your thing (seduction, interrogation, et cetera) same as usual, except this time you did it on command. It was just one time, and then then two times, and—wow, the money was good. Way better than what you were getting skimming cards. You’re saving up for a house now. You’re gonna retire early. Maybe all the times you got called a tease or a slut or a bitch in high school because of your quirk were worth it, because now the newspapers are starting to call you Heartbreaker. For a villain name, it has a nice ring to it.

Hawks isn’t a job like those, though. He’s more of a vanity project, an impulse target. You’ll go easy on him—you’ll just get his savings account info and take a few rent payments out of it. No harm, no foul. Won’t even make a dent in his hero income, you’re nice like that.

“So…Keigo…do you trust me?” You rub your ass against the stiff bulge and trace fingers down the rigid bones at the top of his wings. You’re laying your quirk on so thick you can almost smell it in the air, you can almost taste it. So can he.

Hawks breathes in and his whole body trembles. “Course I do, angel, of course…fuck, I…” He blinks quickly. You can see it bearing down onto him, pushing away his self-interest: your influence, your charisma. Your quirk. The lights change and the melted gold of his eyes is slashed pink-purple-blue in the reflection. Wings curl around you, closing you in like an embrace.

“Can you do something for me?”

“…sure, if you want…?” Anything you want, anything for you, his hands say, hovering, almost touching your thighs, but Hawks won’t touch you until you give him permission, he can’t.

“Anything?” you ask, staring deep into his eyes like this is a romance novel and not a private room where you’re about to steal from the #2 hero. It’s like hypnosis, to be honest. Needs a connection.

“Anything, angel,” he breathes.

[BNHA] Todoroki x reader /// Experience

Summary: Todoroki knows his relationship with his boss will only work as long as there are no strings attached, but the arrangement gets a lot more complicated when her ex comes back into the picture.

Warnings: office relationship, alcohol mention

Status: 5.3k words written out of 8k (??? who fucking knows) total

They’re both laughing now, giggling like schoolchildren testing out curse words for the first time. The look on Todoroki’s face must not be as neutral as he wants it to be, because Kaminari notices—turns toward him and asks, “what do you think, Todoroki?”

It’s harmless. Todoroki knows that, knows Kaminari and Ashido don’t mean anything by it. It’s the same thing the other students do in university with good-looking professors and TAs, the way they’ve always done. And even though Todoroki doesn’t really understand the way they see you (hot for teacher? ice princess?) he can’t really admit he disagrees.

“Todoroki? You okay?” Ashido frowns and waves her hand in front of his face. “You’re totally zoned out tonight.”

“…I should go,” Todoroki says, standing suddenly and collecting his coat from the seat next to him. Ashido and Kaminari protest (“it’s early! you’re not even drunk yet!”), but he ignores them. “I have to go back to the office.”

“What? Don’t tell me you’re going to work even more,” Kaminari moans while Ashido nods ruefully along with him. “You’re making the rest of us look bad.”

Todoroki doesn’t need to work. He needs one of the account files for a deadline this weekend, and that’s what he tells them while he calls a car to take him back. He could get it tomorrow, Saturday—which is what he was planning to when he left this evening—but he wants to be there now, for some reason…it’s past 9PM on a Friday, and there’s no reason that you’d still be there, but…

There you are, sitting alone in your office, facing the view of the late-night skyline through your window. The sky is flat purple-black—there’s too much pollution to see the stars here in the city, Todoroki knows that—but the surrounding buildings are shimmering in the dark. You turn when you hear the door to the office open, and the expression on your face is like you’ve been caught in a private moment, something you didn’t intend for him to see.

“…Todoroki.” Your mouth moves around his name like you’re testing it. “You’re back.”

“I need to pick up the Steubens file,” he says slowly, hoping you can’t hear any hint of uncertainty in his voice. He didn’t drink much (two, two and half maybe, and his tolerance is always better than people think it is) but he doesn’t want you to think he’s been irresponsible.

“You should take a break this weekend. Don’t worry about the deadline, I’ll take care of it,” you tell him, letting your gaze flick over him. You frown a bit and he wonders what you’re seeing—his dress shirt unbuttoned under his collarbones and the sleeves rolled up past his forearms; his hair a little rumpled out of the style he puts it in for work. “Were you out with the interns? You didn’t need to come back to the office.”

Todoroki pulls long fingers through his hair and you follow the movement. “I don’t mind.”

You have this way of looking at him—always appraising, evaluating him against some secret standard that he may or may not measure up to. Kaminari’s theorized that it’s an intimidation tactic. It makes the other interns squirm, but Todoroki doesn’t have trouble holding your gaze. “If you insist,” you say finally. “But you shouldn’t work too hard. You should enjoy life while you’re young.”

The file is in the cabinet at your right, exactly where Todoroki knows you keep it. He should just take it. He should leave the office and go home, go to sleep. He should stop—standing here, in front of your desk, looking down at you, wanting you. Your hands, your voice, the soft bow of your lips… Maybe he’s less sober than he thought he was. He wants to touch you. He wants to be touched.

“(Y/N),” he says. It isn’t supposed to sound like it does, like a sigh. “I’m sorry…I’ve been drinking.”

You’ve already turned back to the screen of your computer, but you still shrug. “Why are you sorry? You’re an adult, what you do on you own time isn’t any of my business. As long as you’re getting your work done…”

“Not for that,” Todoroki says. “I’m sorry for this.” And he leans down, folds his hand under your chin, and kisses you.

You’re stiff for a second—he can feel the surprised intake of breath with your mouth against his—but he pushes closer to you and you relax, fraction by fraction. Your mouth tastes fresh and sweet, like peppermint. His hand finds the desk—bracing himself, he feels like his knees might give out—and the edge of one of your documents bites into the side of his palm. Let this be real, he thinks. Don’t let her move.

Closer, he has to be closer to you.

Todoroki kisses you harder.

[BNHA] Overhaul x reader /// do no harm

Summary: He'd forgotten what it feels like to want something this badly. (—over the course of his imprisonment in Tartarus, Chisaki develops a fixation on a young researcher sent to rebuild his arms.)

Warnings!!!!: prison setting, ableism, mentions of injury and unethical medical/prison practices, mentions of drug addiction, Chisaki's mental state is not healthy, this one's gonna be pretty fucked ngl

Status: 1.8 words written out of an infinite amount total...seriously I have no idea for this one, it's been marinating in my head since I first created this blog :x

Red—

Lights, cold. His eyes are already open. In the exam room. Someone’s speaking, not the doctor, not one of the nurses, someone else.

Someone else?

White, white. Someone’s hand hovering over his shoulder, latex gloves brushing his skin. Not a doctor. You don’t feel like a doctor. You keep— skimming over his chest, too nervous to really touch him. Your hands are warm in the center, cold at the fingertips. You touch him like you’re afraid. You feel—

He can—he can smell you. Everything here smells sterile and chemical and he got used to it, let it fade into the background until the millisecond of metallic blood smell after they take the needle out of his leg makes him ill. Overhaul breathes in and smells you, smells the soap you washed your hair with. Something—something sweet? He can’t— he can’t— why are you so close? You want him to lie down. Why are you touching him? You’re not a nurse, not a doctor. He feels dizzy breathing you in.

Your voice. You’re telling him to lie down again. He’s trying to ignore you like he ignores everything here but your voice is—

softer, lighter. Different. Don’t look. Don’t listen. Close your eyes, Overhaul thinks to himself, ignore her.

“Please,” you say. “Chisaki.”

You’re touching him now, getting ready to push him flat on his back like an invalid, and with the phantom limbs he can feel sometimes itching and aching in thin air, he wants to wrap his fingers around your wrist and break it.

You pleaded. You said his name. He hasn’t heard his own name in—a year? Two? How long has it been?

He lies down.

He wants to sleep again. He knows what they give him—he knows the name of the drug cocktail and all the chemical compounds that make it up and he knows the effects it can have when taken long-term. It’s a sedative, it makes him feel numb and sometimes if he’s numb enough he can even manage to enjoy it. But if he’s not he feels himself lying there while the drugs crawl through his circulatory system and into his brain, eating away at the parts of himself that he used to think were worth keeping. God, god, it feels filthy. He would purge himself—rip himself to shreds and put them back together clean—if he could.

He wants to sleep, but the smell of your soap—

“Chisaki, do you know why I’m here?”

I don’t know, he thinks. I don’t care.

“It’s about your arms.”

Overhaul doesn’t have arms. The prostheses are controlled externally by people who think Shigaraki should have finished the job. He can barely feed himself without assistance, can’t even piss without getting permission from one of the penal officers to activate the bionics. They’re not his arms.

“I’m here to see if I can…fix them.”

Overhaul closes his eyes. Black.

[BNHA] Shigaraki x reader /// it will come back [pt. 4]

Summary: You have a bad habit of picking up strays, and the half-dead villain you find bleeding out in a dumpster is no exception. [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

Warnings: mentions of injury, pain, fear, this is an extremely rough draft ngl I really need to edit :/

Status: 5.2k words written out of maybe 8k total

His bedroom looks like you would’ve thought it would look like if you had ever thought about it. Nice computer with two monitors, some books, lots of gaming stuff. A map above the computer pinned with documents, newspaper clippings, pictures, some of which extend past the wall and onto the ceiling. Serial killer shit. Fitting. The window is blocked out with heavy curtains, and the only light in the room comes from the purplish gleam of the monitors. Tomura sets you and your bag down on his unmade bed and pulls your ankle into his lap along with some ice cubes in a towel, a roll of Ace bandages, a white plastic pharmacy bottle that rattles when he drops it on the mattress.

“Um—I can do that,” you say, but Tomura ignores you, peeling your sock down and wrapping the bandages around your ankle. “You don’t have to—it doesn’t have to be that tight.”

He ignores that too. You’re almost glad that you’re in pain. It’s giving you something to focus on besides his hands.

“Why were you at the bar?” Tomura asks.

“I…don’t know, I got lost on my way back from work.”

“You don’t get lost.” He coils the bandage around one more time before tucking the edge under to hold it in place. “Were you looking for me?”

You inhale, counting out three beats to make sure it doesn’t sound too fast. “It was just a coincidence.” He doesn’t look convinced, so you shrug, hoping you look more nonchalant than you feel. “Really.”

Does he know?

He couldn’t. There’s no way. Stop talking, don’t tell him anything he doesn’t need to know. Stop thinking about him killing kids.

Tomura’s done wrapping your ankle, but he’s not moving away from you. “You shouldn’t go out in the rain like that. You could get sick.”

“You’re…you’re one to talk.”

“You’re different than me. You break so easily.” His grip moves up from your ankle and his hands are cold from the ice. Your ankle feels stiff, achy. You can’t remember the last time you were in this much pain.

How much will it hurt if Tomura touches you? You can’t take your eyes off his hand, stark white and threaded with blue veins against the dark fabric of your skirt. You saw the cast Aizawa was wearing, the gauze taped on his face, the way he winced a little bit whenever he moved quickly back at the hospital. You can’t even imagine how that feels…to have your living body flake off into dust, from your skin all the way down to your bones.

Oh god. Oh god, oh god. Don’t cry. You’ll get out of this. He’s not going to hurt you. Just play along.

Tomura runs a hand over your ankle again and a sound comes out of your mouth that you can’t even categorize. “Is it really that bad?” he asks, and it’s almost worse to know that he’s asking out of genuine curiosity. God knows what he’s been through in the past week—the gunshots. the infection—must have felt a thousand times worse.

You try to slow your breathing but you’re having a hard time remembering what it’s supposed to sound like. “I think I need to see a doctor."

“You’re acting weird.”

You let out a high, tense laugh. “It really hurts, Tomura, what do you expect?”

“No…you’ve been acting weird since I called you earlier.” Red eyes narrow into slits and move over the strained look on your face. “Maybe you did get sick.”

“Sure. Maybe.”

Tomura lifts the back of his hand to his own forehead and then reaches out to you to compare your temperature to his, only—you don’t see that. What you see is the leader of the League of Villains with his hand out, so close to your head that you can make out the dirt under his fingernails. You see the police sketch of his villain costume from one of the articles you read, those grey embalmed hands trapped in rigor mortis around his limbs and his face. You see the news photo of the kids from UA. High school first-years, but some of them looked younger. Like the green-haired kid…you would have guessed 13 years old, 14 maybe. They did an interview with the girl—the cute one with big eyes and a frog quirk? The one he almost killed? She said she could smell the dead hands on Shigaraki’s costume when he was two inches away from her face: chemical antiseptic almost like perfume, layered over something rotting.

Tomura’s not wearing his costume now. He’s never worn it in front of you. But you almost feel like you can smell it anyway.

[KNY] Sanemi x reader x Rengoku /// to the hilt

Summary: After an injury that ends your career as a demon slayer, you struggle to adjust to your newfound vulnerability and the protectiveness of the the two Hashira who consider you their responsibility. (—Sanemi makes threats, and Rengoku enforces them.)

Warnings: protective/patronizing behavior, mentions of injury, dependent reader, possibly coercive vibes??, Rengoku doesn't make an appearance in this excerpt (he shows up later)

Status: 2.8k words written out of 6–7k total

"How many times do I have to tell you you’re not strong enough to be using your hands?” Sanemi's voice is thin with anger, and he lets you hear it. Of course he’s angry. It’s like you’re doing this on purpose, making yourself sicker, forcing him to force you to give up already. The flash of pain that passes over your face is almost enough to make him feel guilty, but you should know better by now. What’s the point of trying to go through the motions? You’ll never fight again. “You don’t need to be useful.”

“I know! I’m not… I know I’m not healed enough, I get it. Do we have to talk about this?”

He glares—do you really understand?—but he lets it go. Settles back, keeps the peace, for your sake. For now. “Just keep eating.”

You oblige gratefully, digging into the food that’s left as quickly as you seem to be able to. Sanemi watches and keeps his mouth shut even when you fumble. He’s too angry with you, too pushy sometimes. He knows. But how else is he supposed to keep you from making your injury worse? If you didn’t need him—him and Rengoku, at least—you’d just leave. Sanemi’s never suggested it himself (to be honest, he doesn’t even let himself think about the possibility of you leaving the dojo), but you could. You’re here because you want to be. Because you’re not strong enough to set your own limits, follow the boundaries you’ve been given in order to heal. You need them. You need them to keep you safe.

Through the window, the moon is rising little by little, saturating the courtyard outside with watery light. There’s a lamp in your bedroom but it’s unlit—seems like you prefer the dim light of the outdoors and the faint glow of the hallway through your door. Were you just sitting here in the dark before he came?

The image comes to his mind too easily—you sitting at the window in your thin kimono for hours, staring blankly as the world outside dips into night. It doesn’t fit you…or at least it doesn’t fit the person you’re supposed to be.

(the person you were before.)

“Why is it so fucking dark in here? It’s depressing,” he asks, stacking your discarded dishes and setting the tray to the side once you’ve finished. The only thing left is the sake bowl, which you lift to your mouth very carefully before patting your lips dry and offering it back to Sanemi.

He takes it, still waiting for your response, but you wait for him to drink before you answer. “It isn’t that dark with the moon out like this.”

You’re right, in a way. By now Sanemi’s vision has adjusted enough so that he can see everything from the moonlight alone—weeds poking out from the stone slabs outside, rippling movement from the wisteria flowers, and…

…the unbound hair unfurling like a halo around your face, your rumpled kimono baring a little too much of your throat, the shadows that your eyelashes paint down over your cheekbones when you close your eyes. Sanemi exhales, shifts back and takes another sip from the bowl. “Are you tired? Did you want to sleep?”

“No, I—“ you turn to the side, looking deeper into the bedroom so your face is caught in shadow for a second. Like after all of this, you can’t look him in the eye when you say it. “You’re leaving for a mission tomorrow, aren’t you? I thought…maybe you would come. And we could have a drink.”

Ah…she doesn’t want to say it. That’s fine. Sanemi knows what you need.

You extend a hand out for the bowl that the two of you have been trading back and forth, but your fingers don’t meet the ceramic—he’s already reaching out for you, pulling you in toward him, and when you bite your lip and nod he lies you down until your back meets the tatami below. Here, right here. Your body underneath his, the only place where he can really convince himself you’re safe.

You fumble to untie the sash of your kimono, slipping awkwardly over the bindings every time you try to get ahold of them, but Sanemi settles himself over you and pins your wrists down and forces your trembling hands into stillness. “Let me,” he says.

if you reached the end of this post, thank you for reading!! please tell me if there were any wips you liked/want to see more of :]

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quietmyfearswith · 4 years ago

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would've been you ; steve rogers x fem!reader

status — completed oneshot

word count — 4,477 words

summary — in which steve rogers pretends to be in a relationship in order to get his ex to stop pestering about his life.

warnings —swear words, fluff?? mentions of blood and bruising, angst?? insecurities, implied smut

pairing — steve rogers x fem!reader

a/n — italics are the flashbacks,,, and would you believe it's been a fat minute since i've written about steve rogers??? so i hope i bring his character justice lmao,, also this is my take on the fake dating au so i would really appreciate some feedback and asks/messages are open! if you follow me, please state your age/age range in your bio. i will block you if you follow me and don’t have your age/age range in your bio!!!

tagging — @la-cey @pedropcl @isysen @slutforcevans @iloveshawnieboi

masterlist | series masterlist | join my taglist (please follow the rules)

“There you are, doll!” Steve cheerily yelled, pausing his current conversation with Sharon. Walking over to Y/N, he kissed her cheek and took advantage of the fact that his back was facing Sharon and whispered in her ear, “Play along with it, please.”

Sensing the desperation in his tone, she nodded in her head and plastered a smile on her face, “Where have you been, doll?” The way he called her doll had her biting the inside of her cheek as she had to remind herself that this was all just a ruse and so she went along, “I’m sorry ‘bout that, honey,” She raised the folders that contained important mission intel, “Had to run these over by Fury first.”

Draping an arm over Y/N’s shoulder, he then turned to Sharon and smiled at her, “Oh Sharon, I don’t think I’ve told you yet but me and Y/N have been dating for quite a while now.” The girl being addressed to tilted her head a bit — she was silently analyzing the pair’s compatibility and after a few silent seconds she somewhat came to the conclusion that they were somewhat a good couple — before smiling, “Well good for you both! Thought that our breakup was too harsh on you, Steve.”

Y/N had to hold back a chuckle at Sharon’s seemingly innocent remark; but Steve could only scoff, “Well it was harsh, until I was with my beautiful doll.” She felt his lips place a gentle kiss on the top of her head and she didn’t know the reason behind her snuggling herself to Steve’s side — was it because she was playing along? Or was it due to the warmth his body was radiating made her relax and seek more of that comfort.

“Since you have a girl,” It creeped Y/N out when Sharon wiggled her eyebrows as she said the word girl, “You wouldn’t mind going to my Valentine’s party then?” The Avenger took the invite she held out. “A Valentine’s party? Wouldn’t that be a bit condescending?”

Chuckling at her question, Sharon just waved them off, “Oh no! I don’t think it will be. Plus, me and Mark just love celebrating every holiday or festival!” She checked her phone and realized she had somewhere else to be, she waved off as she bid adieu, “I’ll see you both okay? Bye!”

“Be sure to invite us for your St. Patrick's Day party, okay?” Y/N sarcastically reminded her as Steve genuinely laughed out loud. Once Sharon was out of their sight, he grabbed her hand and led her into his office so they could discuss privately.

“What the fuck was that, Steve?” Y/N yelled at him once they both were inside his soundproof office. “I’m sorry! I had to do so,” Steve explained, his blue eyes evidently expressed stress, “Sharon suddenly had me cornered and was asking about how I was after we broke up.”

“So you decided to tell her that we were dating?!”

“No!” His answer had her confused as she tilted her head back to stare at him in disbelief, “Well, not necessarily that we were dating.”

“I feel like I’m owed more than that; so explain yourself clearly, Rogers.” Y/N crossed her arms and looked at him dead serious in the eye; sighing to calm himself down, Steve then closed his eyes before slowly opening them as he explained to her, “She asked me how I was doing post-breakup and I said I was doing well. Her nosey self wasn’t satisfied with that answer and inquired further if I was dating anyone.”

“Then you told her you were seeing me?” Y/N predicted and was surprised when Steve shook his head, “I vaguely told her that I was dating someone already.”

“But she kept on pestering you for a name and face?” She giggled as Steve rolled his eyes but nodded to answer her question, “You were the first dame to pass by and thought that maybe she’d piss off once she saw that I indeed have someone.”

Snatching the invite that he held, she read through the details of the party they were invited to as she chuckled, “Then it looks like we have a party to attend to on the 14th, hm?”

“What?” Now it was the super soldier’s turn to be stunned; he thought that it was only a one time thing where they had to pose in front of Sharon as a couple. “We’re going to the Valentine’s party?”

Pursing her lips together as she looked at him as if he lacked common sense, Y/N answered, “Well, duh. Wouldn’t it be odd if you attended the party alone when she clearly invited us both?”

He understood her point, but what he failed to recognize is why she was willing to pose as his partner when they weren’t together, in any way. “You’re on board with this whole fake dating thing?”

“Okay for one, don’t flatter yourself,” She defended as she caught herself thinking that maybe he thought that this was her way of living some fantasy where they were a real couple, “Two, you said it yourself — Sharon’s not gonna stop bothering you. Why not just ride along with whatever she’s playing, yeah?”

Her reasons made sense to Steve and he jabbed at her too, “Plus, you did seem interested with what her Valentine’s party looked like.” As he mentioned the ridiculously themed party she burst out in a fit of giggles as she raised the invitation to their eye level and said, “Well it does state that we both have to wear either red or pink.”

“I knew you were dumb, but I didn’t know you were this dumb,” Bucky stated as he placed the weights Steve lifted against the parallel bar dips of the gym bench. Lifting himself off the inclined seat, the blonde Captain glared at his best friend, “You and I both know I’m not dumb! Who was it that pieced together quickly that he wasn’t in the 40’s the moment he woke up?”

Rolling his eyes, the brunette flicked Steve’s ear as he drank some of his energy drink, “Well you’re dumb enough to engage in a fake relationship with the woman you’ve been in love with for a few years now.”

The captain was quick to swat his friend’s thigh to silence him; his blonde locks moved left and right as he looked sideways — making sure no one heard his deepest secret exposed supposed best friend. “Keep it down, will you?”

The former Winter Soldier could only chuckle as he watched Steve prepare his things as they both had reached the end of their workout, “But still, are you sure this plan won’t backfire and blow up all over your face?”

Truthfully, Steve hadn’t considered that yet, “Honestly? I don’t know.” After a few silent seconds, Bucky knew the look that his friend was sporting so he fished for more answers, “But?”

“But I’m hoping something good will come out after this whole ordeal,” Steve quietly admitted with a sigh as he rested his back against the cold, metal walls of the elevator. Bucky took the time to study his friend’s facial features; it was amazing how at the mere thought of being with Y/N instantly relaxed him. “I hope the same for you, pal.”

Midway through the elevator’s journey to their floor, it rang softly as it halted, and the doors opened to reveal Y/N, “Hey you two!” When she entered the small box, Steve stood up straight as he smiled at her, “Hi doll, how are you?”

With the metallic palm pressing against his lips, Bucky stifled his amused laughter with how dumbfounded his friend was; he could see the miniscule beads of sweat and nervousness appear behind Steve’s facade as he faced the girl of his dreams and he couldn’t wait to tell this tale to Sam. Unaware of what was previously going on, the only girl in the space smiled warmly, “Drop the act Steve, Sharon’s not here,” She turned to Bucky and greeted him too, “How was the workout, Sarge?”

“It was great! Also got to help out some of the other recruits who were struggling,” Steve’s mind was foggy as the two conversed as he silently reflected on what she said to him. Drop the act? Did she think that him being nice to her was just part of their stunt? She must not have any idea of how much she really means to me then, he concluded.

Upon hearing her say, “Well I did know you were a better combat fighter than Steve,” To his best friend snapped him out of his deep thought. “Excuse me? Did you say I wasn’t better than Buck?”

“Uh oh,” Bucky warningly mocked as Y/N laughed at Steve’s pout; she brushed his cheek with her palm to comfort him, “Don’t worry honey, I still know that you’re skilled enough to sweep me off my feet.”

The elevator chimed softly, serving as a cue for Y/N that she was already on the floor where she needed to be. Before stepping off the box, she winked at Steve, “Bye boyfriend, see you later.” Steve was grateful for the elevator’s timing as he watched her exit for his cheeks got all red as he replayed the earlier events in his mind.

The brunette, of course, noticed the dreamy state his friend was in and didn’t hesitate to poke fun at him, “Two sentences and she got you all flustered and blushing? Man, can’t wait to tell this to Sam.” Bucky huffed out as Steve hit his chest with the back of his palm before exiting the elevator once they were on the floor of their living quarters, “Shut the hell up, jerk.”

“Yeah? Well you’re one coward punk!”

“What’s the emergency?” Steve wondered as he entered Y/N’s office after receiving a text from her that demanded his presence immediately; though it was a vague text which read;

My office, ASAP. We have an emergency.

He quickly concluded his meeting, worried at the thought that something might have happened to her. However, as she walked from her couch and greeted him, “We haven’t talked about what we’re going to wear for the party!”

“Seriously?” Steve deadpanned as he chuckled lightly, Y/N mocked his amusement as she nodded, “I am!” She held the invitation between her fingers, “The invite said we have to wear either red or pink. But couples were encouraged to wear something that matched.”

After his amusement died down, he then placed the weight of his chin on his palm, “And what are you proposing we wear to the party?” With that she gleefully skipped to the coffee table, where she carried the hangers and showed to him the outfits she bought — she bought him a pink, strawberry-themed long sleeve; while she bought herself a dress of the same design and color.

“This one?” He held the cloth of the top he was supposed to wear, “We’re wearing this to the party?” Sheepishly, she nodded as she swayed a little bit, “Okay, they were a bit self-indulgent,” Steve snorted and she glared at him as she continued, “But hey! This fits the dress code; it’s pink and we’ll be matching too!”

Scratching the back of his neck, he thought about it and was extremely on the fence on whether he should wear it; apparently he took too long to respond as Y/N huffed out as she sat on the couch with a pout as she crossed her arms, “And here I was willing to help you in your dilemma and yet you can’t do this small thing for me.

Sitting beside her, he poked her sides and to no avail, “Hey, come on now. Don’t be like that,” He wrapped his arms around her figure and he felt her still in his arms but ultimately relaxed as she leaned back to his chest and looked at him with a pout, “What?”

“I always wanted to wear this dress,” She confessed as she played with his fingers that were tapping on the skin of her stomach, “And you know, the party seemed like the perfect occasion to do so.” She peered up at Steve, his chin almost resting on the top of her head, “Don’t worry, I can change what we’re gonna wear. Would matching sweaters work for you?”

With a serious expression, he shook his head, “We’re not going to the party wearing sweaters.” She gasped out but it was short-lived as he smiled and kissed her forehead, “We’re gonna be wearing these pretty heart outfits.”

Her whole face lit up and she smiled brightly as she enclosed his neck with his arms, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” It surprised them both when she planted a soft kiss on his clean-shaven cheek, “I’m really thankful that you want to dress up in those hideous outfits.”

Stroking her back, he shook his head, “They’re not hideous; I know for a fact that you will look even more lovely once you wear that dress,” Images of what she would look like as she wore the dress filled his mind, and she looked jaw-dropping.

After relishing in the contented silence they shared before Steve tapped her forearms, “Okay, doll. Need to go now,” He thought of how he needed to call back some of the officials he dismissed at the meeting he was earlier in, “I’ll pick you up at 6pm tomorrow, okay?”

Nodding her head, she too stood up and handed the garment to him, “Don’t forget this.” Snatching the fabric from her, he winked at her before leaving her to her company, “See you then, doll.” And that mention of the nickname, she felt himself melting like ice cream.

“So this is what a Valentine’s-themed look like,” Steve noted as he took a sip of the red, sugary drink being offered at one of the tables as Y/N snickered after taking a bite of the chocolate-strawberry, “Still a bit condescending, and damn is it too pink and red!”

Around them, there were a litter of red, pink, and gold balloons taped to the wall; while there were pink streamers attached to the back of the chairs and heart-shaped stickers littered the room — as if to mock those who weren’t in any way experiencing an overwhelming amount of love. Steve laughed at her comment and was about to sip more of his drink when he noticed that Sharon was approaching them; he draped an arm around Y/N’s lower back, pulling her in closer to him until their bodies touched, as he continued to drink his beverage.

“Hey guys, how are you enjoying the party?” When she stood tall and proud in front them, it nearly blinded the two as she was donning a sparkly, sequined pink dress that screamed “Valentine disco ball.”

“We’re enjoying it,” Y/N managed to get out without squinting her eyes too much and with a convincing fake smile, “I do have to say you have great tastes in sweets,” She raised the half-eaten strawberry she was munching on. The blonde girl laughed as she nodded her head, “Well Mark has a sweet tooth so of course I have to indulge him.”

Steve was about to remark about how Mark was on their brief exchange upon their arrival but was quickly cut off by his ex’s questioning, “So tell me, how did you two become an official couple?” The fake couple looked at each other as they stammered out a coherent response as they stared at each other, getting lost in each other’s beautiful eyes.

“I mean, I knew about how Steve had this miniscule crush on you,” Sharon stating that casually made them snap out of their haze and focus on the blonde, “He might have confessed that early on in our relationship.”

“I’m sorry?” Y/N wasn’t sure why that was what she said but Sharon quickly waved it off, “It’s fine, really. I too had a crush on someone when we were together — who can resist Keanu Reeves, am I right?”

The two girls chuckled — Y/N genuinely laughed this time as she too draped her arm around Steve’s lower back, somewhat to ground herself — and once they both calmed down, Sharon returned to her questioning, “So really, what’s your story?”

“Well it started after a rough mission, after our breakup,” Steve recalled which caught the attention of both women. Anticipating his recollection, they watched him with eager eyes and silent mouths, encouraging the Avenger to carry on, “I was punching some bags in the gym until I was bleeding. Then Y/N showed up and from there we were inseparable,” He paused for a while before looking on his the mentioned girl and smiling softly at her, “You might not remember it, doll.”

“I do, actually,” She retorted softly, before turning to Sharon as she recounted what happened from her point of view;

“Don’t think punching that bag will change the mission’s outcome,” Y/N’s voice echoed through the empty room of the gym; it also caused Steve to halt his assault on the object and smirking to her, “It won’t, but it might change how I currently feel.”

Walking over to him, she sat on the nearest bench from where he was standing as she stated out loud her observation, “Come over here and let me treat your bleeding.” He gave her a firm look which was his tell that he was about to pull the “I’m a super soldier” card; but he hasn’t even got out a syllable out before she shut him up, “Super soldier or not, you can die of loss of blood, you know?”

Sighing and rolling his eyes, he walked over while removing the punching gloves before moving to sit beside her. Her fingers peeled off the tape he covered his knuckles in that were now sticky with both sweat and blood, “Jesus, Steve, how dumb can you be?”

“Is that a challenge?” He snickered but it quickly died down to a hiss as she applied a liquid ointment on his knuckles before dabbing it with cotton, “Sorry,” She apologized with a meek smile, “But no, I have mission reports dating back to the 40’s to prove how impulsive you can be.”

They sat there in silence for a few minutes as she was treating his hands before Y/N spoke up, “Do you need someone to listen to and comfort you? Or someone who can give you solutions?” Steve lifted his gaze from his bruised knuckles to her gentle eyes, “What?”

She smiled softly at him before resuming in bandaging his knuckles, “I know for a fact that the mission isn’t the only thing that got you all worked up.” She didn’t have to say it, but it was evident that she knew about his and Sharon’s break up.

“So you’ve heard about it then?” His inference had her smirking at him as she placed her hands on her thighs after finishing up on his hands, looking at him incredulously, “The proper question is who hasn’t? I bet only Scott and Hope don't because they’re on that mission in New Zealand.”

A chuckle erupted from his chest with the manner she was being honest with him, “I guess I just like having someone not looking sorry for me or offering sympathy with the whole ordeal,” Every time someone mentioned the breakup they were all sympathetic to him and it was refreshing to be with someone who somehow found humor in his rather sad situation, “So I like how you feel nor display neither.”

He didn’t have to say it as well, but she got the faint hint that he needed a good laugh just to forget about everything and she was more than glad to do so, “Since we’re being honest, why don’t you go for a quick shower? You’re starting to smell from the 40’s already.”

Her remark had him gasping as he placed a hand on his chest, slightly offended but was still in a playful mood, “Oh? And what do I get once I smell like more of this century?”

She stood up and smirked at him as she was strutting away to leave him shower, “Gonna show you a good time, cap. Just text me once you’re done, yeah?”

“You naughty minx! You too did it right away?” Sharon excitedly concluded, invested with the blossoming relationship of her ex-boyfriend — Y/N thought it was unusual how a person would genuinely be interested in their former partner’s well-being, but this was better than her treating her with spite.

Steve laughed loudly as he shook his head, “Sharon! No! We didn’t do what you’re thinking.” His statement had her confused as she pouted and whined for answers, “Well she said she would show you a good time? What else am I supposed to think?”

“I drove him out to this amusement park and on the way home took him to this karaoke dive bar thing,” Y/N clarified and nuzzled the side of her face to Steve’s arm upon remembering how hard and loud Steve laughed throughout the day.

Upon the mention of the bar they went to, Steve placed his now empty glass on one of the tables as he fished his wallet out and got one of the many photo strips they took on the bar’s photo booth, “I even made sure to keep these, as a reminder of our first unofficial date.”

Sharon cooed as she looked at their adorable poses; but Steve and Y/N were both staring into each other with longing and love in their eyes, and yet neither of them could bring themselves into saying it to each other.

“Oh shit, Mark’s calling me,” Sharon said as she hastily said goodbye to them as she was approaching her boyfriend, “Enjoy yourselves okay?” They both nodded to her and told her to go to beau as they would be fine by themselves.

“Wanna get out of here?”

“Yes, please,” Steve chuckled at her immediate response; tucking the strip containing their pictures in his pocket, he grabbed her hand, holding onto it tightly as he sneakily led to exit the party.

For a while, they were just walking down the street with their tangled hands swaying as they both silently took in earlier events. “So, you kept all those strips of photos we took?” Seeing as he nodded bashfully, she scoffed, “We must have inserted over a dozen quarters that night! Do you know how many photo strips that could be?”

Truthfully, she didn’t want to look at those photos — let alone have a copy — since it served as a painful relic of a night filled with fun and spontaneity. And she feared that it was all a dream and that it wouldn’t be once again replicated.

“And I kept every single one of them,” Unlike his bashful demeanor earlier, his tone was now firm and confident. They both paused their walking as they were by the park, that was thankfully not crowded at this time of the day.

“Why?” Y/N hated how she sounded so weak, which was far from how confident her tone was whenever she held meetings for SHIELD or the Avengers. Steve smiled at her with the fondness that he never thought he had, “Because if I were to choose my soulmate, it would’ve been you.”

In a state of disbelief, Y/N rapidly shook her head while she shakily protested, “But you were with Sharon,” She was struggling to unclasp her hand with Steve’s; but he wasn;t letting her do so as he held onto hers firmly, “You wanted her, possibly loved her. There’s no way you could want me.”

He understood her point, but he had his own and wanted to make it clear; he grabbed both her hands firmly and placed a kiss on her knuckles before speaking, “If there’s one thing I learned from this generation, is that sometimes we date and put ourselves out there to learn more about one’s self.”

She was unsure with where he was going, so she decided to let him talk, “And in my short stint of being with Sharon, I came to the conclusion that I’ll always want you.” His hand let go of hers as he brushed his hand from her temple to the crown of her head, “I know that you will always have the most beautiful hair that I have ever seen.”

The hand traveled to the front of her face, brushing gently the side of her eyelids, “One with the most expressive and wonderful eyes,” His thumb and pointer finger then playfully and gently squeezed the bridge of her nose, “The cutest nose.”

With a deep breath, he planted his hand at the nape of her neck, pulling her into a soft, passionate kiss. His lips formed a smile when he felt that she relaxed into the kiss enough that she too reciprocated the vigour he had. Steve could feel the hairs on his back raise as he felt her warm hands on them; she suddenly felt the need to feel more of him as their lips and tongues passionately danced together.

“If this is your definition of a joke, I will have you removed from being an Avenger,” He thought of it as an empty threat but she was dead serious; he chuckled from where their lips were touching as they rested from kissing.

His hands were on her chin, getting her to look up at him, “This isn’t a joke, doll, I promise. This is me, putting myself out there for the woman I have grown to love and admire. Hoping that she will allow me to be her boyfriend.”

She loved seeing the boyish, hopeful smile he sported; she laid a quick peck on his lips before answering, “I’d love for you to be my boyfriend, Steve.”

In the spur of the moment happiness, Steve yelled out loud as he twirled Y/N around and dipped her, as if they were dancing. “Steve! Put me back up!” She squealed when he kissed her as he put her back to stand back up on her feet. “Sorry doll, ‘m just extremely happy.”

Bopping his nose, she teased him, “Just said yes to us being a couple, I don’t recall telling you I love you yet,” She then mockingly wondered out loud, “What more would your reaction be if I do say those three little words, hm?”

Sensing that she was challenging him, he smirked as he draped his arm around her shoulder, resuming their walk back to the compound as Steve said, “Well I too know how to show you a good time; and I bet after that you’re gonna be telling me how much you love me.”

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vanilla-vivillon · 3 years ago

Note

"we're exes and we meet again" maybe?

Oooooooooh interesting!!! I decided to do a Genya Safin x David Kostyk one because I haven’t done that yet for some reason

Also college AU yes please.

Genya Safin knows what she wants

And what she wants is to get through her studies

Become a plastic surgeon

Support her friends

Maybe get a cat

What she doesn’t want is to meet her high school ex at a party

She doesn’t want to talk with him for hours

She doesn’t want to relive the hurt

But the universe never does care for what we want does it

“C’mon Nazyalensky it will be fun!” Nikolai was trying to convince Zoya to come to the party he was throwing in his dorm

Nikolai was throwing a party to celebrate the start of there third year at Stanford

“Nikolai there is a lot of studying we should be doing instead of drinking our cares away” Zoya shot back

“Genya, love, please knock some sense into Zoya?”

“It could be fun, plus the school year started two weeks ago. No profesor is going to assign a big test anytime soon” Genya said

“You have never met Proffesor Baghra” Zoya said Speeding up

They were all walking to the dormitories together

Zoya was studying law. She wants to be a lawyer

“Are you really gonna let some old hag with a stick up her ass ruin your fun?” Genya retorted stopping in front of them

After a long pause zoya finnally relents and says “Fine. I’ll go, but for you, that way your not stuck with Alina and Mals drama”

Ever since Alina started screwing the professor with the the dreamy dark eyes and looked far to good to ever be a professor, mal had been insufferable

Flashing his million dollar smile Nikolai turned towards Zoya “I knew you would see sense”

“Now leave my sight before I change my mind” Nikolai sped off towards his dorm no doubt to finish preparations for tonight

Genya typically enjoyed parties

Cool people, cool music, cool boys

The list went on

Reapplying her deep red lipstick Genya turned towards her roommate Alina

Alina Starkov was a foster kid bouncing around homes in a small town, Keramzin.

She and her friend Mal felt so out of place in California

Genya helped her a lot in the first year and after some drama in there second year friendship was finally back on track

“Okay how do I look?” Genya asked giving a little spin

She chose a short red dress with a black leather jacket and thigh high black boots

“You look Perfect” Alina complimented finishing up on her own eyeliner

“Of course I do”

Alina laughed that fluttery sound that had become far to rare these days

“Listen Alina, I’m worried about you”

Alina took a pause before answering “I’m fine Genya”

“Alina you’re sleeping with your professor”

“So what!” Alina snapped “We’re both adults! Besides I don’t want to talk about this tonight, let’s just go to the party”

Genya let out a sigh

Sometimes Alina could be the most stubborn woman on earth

“Fine”

Loud music was blaring through the speakers Nikolai borrowed from Mal

Genya was socializing with some of her friends

While Genya did like parties the constant people was always a little stressful for her

So after giving some dating advice Genya went to go grab some beer

Pouring it Genya reflected

She was doing well in her classes, most of her friends were okay, she personally didn’t have a cat but across the hall from her is some dude Harshaw who did

one thing was missing

Him

Journals and glasses and caramel candies

Genya had been in love once in her life

And it’s seemed once was all she would ever get

“Oh sorry!” Genya exclaimed accidently spilling beer on someone

Looking up she lost her breath

There he was

All brown hair and wide eyes and sunkissed skin

And all the memories came crashing back

Geny first fell in love with him in the sixth grade

Well not love really

More like awe.

Back then he was really into legos

He built this giant airplane that Genya thought was so cool

But they first talked in seventh grade

They were partners in a group project

David hadn’t been very interested in Genya then

But Genya even then loved the way his brain worked

But she never said anything

In there sophomore year of high school after years of being friends Genya finally got the courage and told him her feelings

David was so suprised then he had to leave the room and come back two minutes later to say he reciprocated her feelings

They started dating and were inseparable

Whenever David had been pulling an all nighter on some new idea she would go over to his house and bring him some Carmel candies

Whenever she raved on about this new surgery technique he would listen and give her that soft beautiful smile he rarely showed anyone

But there happiness came crashing down in senior year

David was going to go to MIT all the way in Massachusetts while Genya wanted to go to Stanford in California since she was a kid

At first they were going to do long distance

But it didn’t work out

They both got busy

And didn’t talk

And Genya hated having a boyfriend who was never there

There was never some big fight

Never some big cheating scandal

One day Genya posted a picture of her on a date with the cute classmate who winked at her and that was that

They never saw each other again

But that might change tonight where she met those impossible chocolate eyes again

“What are you doing here?” Genya said after her shock

“Genya, I…. I live here” David said stuttering

Clearly he was just as suprised as she was

“Hey Genya you meet my new roommate David!” Suddenly Nikolai appeared “He just transferred from MIT”

Transferred

He transferred

David Kostyk transferred to Stanford

The one who got away was standing right in front of her

“Do you two know each other?” Nikolai asked sensing the tension

Ignoring him, Genya said “would you like to talk outside?”

After knowing David for years Genya knew she should probably initiate conversation

David gave a slow nod ignoring his roommate’s bewildered face

Walking outside they turned to each other again

He had gotten cuter if that was even possible

“So…. You transferred?” Genya attempted to start talking

“MIT was great, but it felt kinda isolating. So when Nikolai suggested transferring… I took him up on the offer”

That made sense

David always had a hard time making friends

In high school Genya practically had to force him into her friend group

It mustve be hard all alone

Genya was the opposite

Although all through elementary school she was ruthlessly bullied and sophomore year of college was complicated, she had always been able to make friends

“Well I’m glad your here now” Genya said looking away to hide her blush

“I think I’m glad to”

David and Genya talked the whole night

About there studies and friends

Genya couldn’t way to introduce him to Alina

They had a lot in commmon

Things between the two weren’t perfect

But then again in matters of the heart it never was

Genya wasn’t sure of what she wanted

But if she had a Carmel loving genius by her side she might be able to be okay with that

Omg it’s finally done. This has to be one of the most difficult things I’ve written. I didn’t enjoy it at all but I’m really glad I went through with it. Thank you @ninamorozova and @confused-as-all-hell for encouraging me to complete this.

Thank you @wafflesandschemingfaces for the prompt

If yall really like this I might make a part two with David’s perspective

Please reblog. Likes are nice but te logs actually help

My ask box is open and I take any Grishaverse requests

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stephdaninja · 3 years ago

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To the One I Loved...

So, it's been a while since I've been on Tumblr. Like, almost a year or two? But I know this place is a safe space to get this off my chest so I'm just gonna do that because I have to force myself to move on. And I'm not sure why, but maybe I'm hoping that I am not alone in feeling this way? It's kind of silly, but I guess for anyone that's reading this, either the heartbreaker or the heartbroken, I hope you can understand this and for the former really reflect on your actions, and the latter be stronger than me and get back out there eventually.

Edit: Too tired to edit this, but new developments. Maybe I'll post tomorrow. For now, let's see if I can sleep...

My heart has finally shattered enough that I don't think I can put it back together anymore.

I haven't felt this heartbroken since maybe High School? Probably when my first ex-boyfriend screwed me over when I was in college.

But I definitely remember the fluttering drop of your heart, the random breaking down and bawling your eyes out no matter where you are (please, I HATE crying in public and at work 🥲), and the roller coaster feeling your gut goes through when you've been faced with the realization that the person you love doesn't love you the way you loved them.

It hurts so fucking bad.

Someone I bore my entire soul to, shared my deepest, darkest thoughts and secrets, someone I had completely put all my trust and faith in, someone I had thought about almost every single day, could not go a day without saying either good morning or good night to for the past 3 years. Someone that I wanted to make happy and thought my love and affection would make them happy, maybe even possibly share a life together, that someone wanted someone else instead. Pined for someone else while I pined for them, longed for their touch, for their warmth, to hear their voice say my name softly while raking their fingers through my hair. I longed to hug them, hold them in my arms, give them all the love I have in me and more because that was what they deserve, all of that was gone in the instant of a conversation.

While I don't regret making them tell me the truth and it hurts, I'm happy that I know and I can finally get it through my head, this lesson that has been hanging over my head that I have not been able to understand all this time.

No one will love me the way I want them to.

It's a tough pill to swallow, makes a horse pill look like Flintstones vitamins imo.

But a lesson that should have registered in my head a long time ago, if I hadn't kept holding out for hope that my one true person was out there for me.

The hopeless romantic of sorts, I guess. Now look at where it got me. AGAIN. I wasn't expecting it from them out of all people, but it's usually the ones closest to you that can do the most damage. And now I am left an empty husk of what I once was, feeling betrayed and confused.

And the worst part of all of this is that now I question everything, did they really mean it when they told me they loved me? Did I really think an online, long-distance relationship was going to work? Did I really think I could stop a person from finding someone within their vicinity to connect with?

They had shared a story with me once before about them being turned down by a guy, and the guy told them, "you think you're fucking special?" Guess that's the real lesson learned here. I am special to no one. And NO ONE can change my mind on this.

This started off as a friendship and blossomed into something more, a deeper connection with romantic interests, maybe I was looking at it the wrong way? Maybe (EDIT: Definitely was) that was just something casual for them? Maybe I'm too romantic?

I guess this is just going to be my way of getting closure. I don't think I can bring myself to say these things to the one I used to love, but being able to let it out and for someone to read it makes me feel better. (Edit: I decided to message them and tell them how I felt, and the edits are the updates of what was said to me lol)

For anyone reading and feeling the same way I do, know that you are not alone. I'm sure there is someone out there for you, please be stronger than I am and get back out there and try. I'm not strong enough, I don't want to try anymore. I honestly just want to disappear, never to be seen or heard from again. It sounds dramatic I know, but when you love as hard as I do and constantly get hurt by people who either genuinely love you or not is just... tiring. I cannot put my heart back together any longer.

EDIT: So, they "didn't know I felt that way about them..."

Lol fuck this eloquent shit now, TLDR I ain't dating a goddamn body anymore and I hope the "fling" was worth losing your "best friend" over. I am enraged.

-Ninja out.

#heartbroken #now enraged #betrayal #fuck love #fuck romance #its all bullshit #no one gives a fuck

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kitkatopinions · 4 years ago

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Can we talk about the rampant bi/panphobia surrounding Yang "looks at guys like they're fresh meat in the first 3 volumes and chibi" Xiao Long? Blake's gets brought up a lot as 90% of her reason for existing is to be the romancable NPC, but it's hardly talked about with Yang. She has shown express interest in guys. Even if Bees goes canon, it's not a Bi/Lesbian ship. It's a Bi/Bi or Bi/Pan ship or what ever other possible identity that doesn't erase Yang's attraction to men. I get the whole wanting rep thing but there's more lesbians in RWBY than any other LGBT identity and they aren't really that good in terms of representation. Do we really need another angry/aggressive/problematic lesbian in RWBY? And whenever it does get brought up, Lesbian!Yang fans always go "oh, it's just comphet". Um, excuse me? Isn't comphet not supposed to be a thing in Remnant?

Okay, so there's a lot to unpack here, and I do get why you're so frustrated because as a bi person, it gets so frustrating dealing with not only a huge lack of representation, but also feeling boxed out of, undervalued by, and invalidated by your own community sometimes. I myself have been really frustrated and even hurt by the way many RWBY fans (and specifically Bumblebee fans) have talked about Blake and Yang's sexuality, like they would be less gay or less rep if they were bi, how shipping them with men is 'wrong' because it's 'straight behavior' and 'validating the straights,' and I got particularly annoyed once by a post that claimed that people only shipped Yang and Weiss so that they could force Blake - who they claimed was a canon lesbian - into a relationship with a man. I think it's clear why people talk about Blake's status as bi more than Yang's - Yang has one moment in eight seasons where she acts clearly attracted to men, whereas Blake has had two canon romantic relationships with men, Adam being her ex and her having gone on a date with and kissed Sun on the cheek. When people dispute Blake's status as a bi, sometimes they (rightly) come at it from the point of view of 'this is just my own personal headcanon for my own benefit.' But too often, Blake's attraction to men is dismissed outright and fans try and find every excuse to invalidate it so that they can insist that Blake is a canon lesbian. That's pretty openly biphobic imo. (Also I don't agree that 90% of Blake's character is a romancable NPC. I think maybe she's become mostly not an active character who only really exists as support and romance, but the idea that it's 90% of her overall show character is weird to me, Blake is done dirty by the show but that doesn't mean she's not a character for the first five seasons.)

But Yang is also worth talking about. Because of the fact that her moment of displaying clear attraction towards men is brief and early in the show, many fans have just... Thrown it out entirely, and decided that not only does it not count, but that anyone who brings it up is living in the past and is stupid for paying attention to the early seasons. That's obviously really dumb. The idea that after the first five seasons, Yang is displaying clear romantic attraction towards a girl for the first time, she is now one hundred percent a lesbian in canon because she's only displayed romantic attraction towards men once... That's also rooted in biphobia. Being attracted to men doesn't just suddenly go away because you're attracted to women and vice versa, no one chooses to be bi, gay, straight, ace, whatever. If Yang was sexually attracted towards men at seventeen, that part of her doesn't stop existing just because she's sexually attracted to women too. The thing is, headcanoning Yang (or even Blake!) as a lesbian is totally fine. I think the RWBY creators did say that sexism, racism, and homophobia doesn't exist in Remnant, but like ??? Idk why they'd decide something like that if they were gonna make jokes about Jaune and Qrow wearing skirts haha laugh at the non-gender-conformity of men, and if they'd write the first five seasons with literally one gay character, while tons of straight relationships that get credence, everyone else expresses no clear romantic inclination towards the same sex for five years of the show running. And we're supposed to think there's no heteronormativity at least? Cardin and Jaune both have clear toxic masculinity problems that Jaune grows out of, but we're supposed to think that toxic masculinity has nothing to do with any sexism or homophobia, however internalized? I think if people want their fans to believe there is not sexism or homophobia or racism in their fake world, they need to make good and sure their own internalized issues don't leak into their work. So I don't think it's wholly invalid when people decide that in their headcanon, they think Yang just acted like she was attracted to men because she thought she should. I especially think it's valid for people to headcanon that Yang had acted like she attracted to men because she thought she was. She was only seventeen, seventeen year olds put on behavior that they think is cool and she is the niece of Qrow 'wink at Winter to piss her off' Branwen, and Yang could've realized maybe during school that putting on behavior was all that was, and that she isn't actually attracted towards men and likes girls - specifically the girl dancing with Sun at the school ball. That's perfectly valid as a headcanon. But that's all it is, a headcanon.

Yang is not a canon lesbian and it's perfectly valid and supported by Yang's canon interactions for people to consider her bi or pan, and people can even headcanon her as ace if they want. Trying to demand that other people see fictional characters as the sexuality you prefer them in is just going to drive wedges, especially when so much venom seems to be directed towards bi characters, with others acting like they're literally less rep if they also have romantic interactions with people of the opposite sex. Like, people literally have the idea of "I love that Blake is bi, but I hate that people are shipping her with men or talking about Blake's romances with men and idk why the show put any focus on her romantically interacting with men." Like, sure, okay, so you support bi characters so long as they don't be bi too obviously. But... I'm getting off topic.

Here's the thing... I would caution not to get too deep in this "there's too many lesbians," concept. We're supposed to all be one community, supporting and fighting for each other. The problem isn't that there's too much representation for lesbians, the problem is that there is not enough representation for bi people, or pan, or ace, or trans men, or trans women, or non-binary people, etc. We don't have to wish less for other gay people to wish for more for ourselves. I agree that disregarding Yang's moment of attraction to men maybe isn't the way to go, but it's not that there are already enough lesbians in RWBY. There are only three side characters (by the way, two of them aren't confirmed lesbians, just because they're in a relationship with each other,) two of whom made a very minor appearance in all of two or three episodes and will likely never return to the story. As you say, the rep that lesbians have gotten in RWBY isn't very good. Them desiring more representation is perfectly valid, and I even get them wanting that representation from Yang, despite her single moment of lusting after boys in season one. That's a perfectly understandable desire. I myself want gay Neptune despite him expressing interest in women. It's not wrong. The only thing that's wrong is villainizing and mocking people for their own very valid ships like BlackSun or Yang x Jaune or Yang x Mercury or Blake x Ren or whatever ships people like. I'm sorry that I can't agree with you here, but if there was a scene in RWBY where Yang discusses her feelings for Blake and says that she realized she's a lesbian... I might not be particularly happy with the writing staff, because I already heard there's an element of disregarding Blake's former relationship with Sun in things like the comics, which is frustrating as a bi person. But I would be happy for the people who would find in this something that speaks to them and makes them feel like their own experiences are represented. Sometimes I can feel excluded from the LGBTQ+ community due to my attraction towards men, and that's hard, but I'm not going to start devaluing the victories of other gay people because of it, I'm not going to start getting upset when they get representation, or when a character they love claims an identity that reflects their own.

I do get where your frustration is coming from though, and it's perfectly valid to feel upset and exasperated both with the way MKEK write their queer relationships and in how people in the fandom tend to disregard the bi identity of characters.

#rwde #anti rwby #rwby criticism #rwby critical #representation in rwby

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stae-yong · 4 years ago

Text

a dream in a bottle [j.jh]

genre: fluff, romance, fantasy word count: 11.4k

Year 2059.

Everyone has lost their minds finding solace in a world full of chaos. Dreams in a bottle are now being used like a drug in order to fulfill their wildest fantasies. Have you ever dreamt so good, you never wanted to wake up?

“You’re the dream I go to, every time I close my eyes.”

a/n: this is my first jaehyun fic, and the first fic i’ve written :> please understand if i’ve made any errors. i wanted to write this since i started stanning nct and i hope you guys enjoy!! oh and listen to this, it inspired me to write this story. hopefully it could set the mood as well.

“Happy birthday to me,” y/n said dully as she blew her candle. The smoke from her two and three candles went to her eyes which made her squint. For the past week, all she ever did was cry herself to sleep thinking how miserable she would spend her birthday this week ever since her boyfriend left her for ‘his future’ which she snorted at as she remembered how his arms were wrapped around her waist as he kissed this new girl and who just enrolled in his arts class.

She then started to arrange her gifts which mostly consisted of plain old birthday cards which her so called friends just gave to her at the last minute since her existence was forgotten due to the busy days of work. As she went through her gifts, she noticed another postcard from her parents that are probably touring around Europe. She scrunched her nose in disappointment, “What a good way to start my 23rd year of living on this planet,” she muttered. Y/N stood up pushing around all the teared pieces of gift wrap as she tried to navigate herself around the living room. As she moved, she accidentally kicked a box tas was buried under piles of garbage.

A white box with pink hearts decorated around it. On the side of a box, a sticky note was attached with a letter with handwriting that was too familiar.

Dear y/n

Happy Birthday! I’m sorry we can’t spend it together this year, you know how hard life is. But I do hope you enjoy the following days with my gift. I gave this to you to spice up your birthday. It’s definitely one of a kind, I hope you could forget your dickhead of a boyfriend with this. Call me once you try it ;)

Love,

Mei.

“If this is a box of lingerie or condoms, Mei can rot in hell,” Y/N grumbled. This definitely should be worth it. She peeled the sticky note, as a remembrance of the gift as she carefully opened the box. Inside were three small bottles of iridescent liquid that seemed like it had been mixed by a 10 year old playing with glitters and water. A small card was placed above the bottles with a note saying “The best dreams happen when you are wide awake,” with several instructions to only drink one bottle every night for good results. Y/N contemplated if she should drink from it now considering that its nearly 10pm. She spent her whole day moping around her room munching on junk food while thinking about how lonely and boring her life was. Maybe this potion is worth the try, and maybe, like what Mei said, it could spice up her life.

She took the bottle in her hands shaking it a bit as she watched the small pieces of glitter swirl around as if it was luring her to drink it. At first she tasted like vanilla, smooth and milky then suddenly it turned to taste like strawberry mixed with different other fruits. Soon after, Y/N fell on her bed as she drifted off.

————

Y/N felt as if she was thrown into a whirlpool as her head continued to spin. Bright light hit her face making her squint as she tried to slowly adjust to what she was seeing. Suddenly, people started to bump her as they made their way around the city. Y/N tried to make sense of where she was, it was a city that looked like it existed way back in the 1900s with the way people dressed. Women and men of all ages walked around the street as they clung unto their loved ones. Women were dressed in puffed blouses and below the knee skirts as they topped it with a trench coat to warm them from the cold. Men, on the other hand, were wearing top hand sand white button up with suspenders that were too old-fashioned for her liking as they paired it with trousers. As Y/N continued to make sense of what was happening, she passed by a shop where she saw her reflection, she was wearing the same thing everyone was wearing.

Great, how on Earth am I supposed to figure out what to do in this dream.

As she walked around, she noticed a long queue that led to a movie theater. Everyone seemed excited to watch this new ‘musical’ that only happens once every year and that is during the 23rd of Christmas, ‘The Impossible Dream’ was its title. She noticed that every poster posted on the streets had the same title written in cursive with a time, date, and location set. As she adjusted her coat that was wrapped around her, she noticed a ticket on her right pocket. “The Impossible Dream, 6pm,” she muttered. “I drink a stupid bottle of dream and now I have to watch a boring musical,” she added as she pouted remembering to message Mei that she won’t be drinking anymore of her gift. Her eyes wandered from the people around her to the buildings, she knew no one in this dream and the faces she see are not even close to familiar. The place itself looks like a 90s movie setting with all the broadway and lampposts hanging around.

“Excuse me, this is the end of the line, right?” Y/N turned to look around at a man around her age with caramel brown hair and smiling as his dimples poked out. She stared at him longer as she admired his features, okay, this is definitely a dream because no one else in the real world would look as good as this fine man standing behind her. “U-um, yeah,” she cleared her throat as she gave tight smile embarrassed as she was caught staring.

“Come on, you gonna pretend like you don’t know me now?” He said as he pouted. Y/N looked at him confused, never in her life did she encounter him, maybe this is a preset of the dream but she decided to play dumb instead. “Hmmm, I don’t think I remember,” she said as she tried to think of a name that matches his face.

“It’s Jaehyun,” he said as he poked her cheek with his index finger as he shook his head disappointingly. “Are you my boyfriend?” Y/N blurted out as she felt her cheeks heat up at her sudden question. Jaehyun felt flustered as his ears turned red. “Um, well, I don’t know,” he said nervously chuckling. Y/N nodded as she turned to the front once again, boyfriend or not it doesn’t matter but for sure the handsome guy standing behind her played an important role in her dream. She tried to remember if she knew any Jaehyun in the real world but no one came close. Heck, no one even looks like him. Was she really that desperate on moving on, she literally dreamed of having a boyfriend way better than her ex? Okay, maybe.

The line started moving as people made their way towards the entrance of the theater. “I didn’t know you were interested in watching musicals,” Jaehyun said as he stood beside her as they both made their way in.

“Well, maybe you don’t know a lot about me then,” she shrugged as she gave him a teasing smile. “We’ve known each other for four years and you forget my name?” He teased back as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder to move her from the people that were constantly passing by to get to their seats. Y/N felt her heartbeat speed up at the intimacy feeling his chest pressed against her shoulder as she muttered apologies to those passing by.

“Watch where you’re going,” he muttered under his breath as he looked at her. Y/N blushed as she looked up to him. The lighting in the room giving his visuals more justice as it surrounded her head making him look like he has a built in halo.

As she made her way to her seat, Jaehyun followed closely behind as they both sat together. The play started as the lights dim but Y/N couldn’t care less about what was happening in the play as she felt bothered by Jaehyun’s presence. How did he have this effect on her when he doesn’t even exist? It was also their first time meeting. She slowly shifted on her seat to face Jaehyun in a discreet way as she tried to steal a glance at him. Jaehyun noticed her shifting taking it as a sign of uncomfortableness, placing a hand gently on the area above her knee squeezing it lightly and giving her a look of concern.

Y/N froze in her seat as she looked back at Jaehyun who was staring at her worriedly, eyebrows furrowed. She looked away quickly as she cleared her throat, nudging Jaehyun’s hand away by accident as she shifted to face forward. Jaehyun chuckled as he continued to watch the musical smiling to himself. “What’s so funny?” Y/N said as she crossed her arms trying to concentrate on the show but finding it difficult with Jaehyun seated right beside her. “You should take a picture, it would last longer,” he whispered in her ear as she felt his warm breath brush against her cheeks making it heat up. Thankfully, the lights were dim and Jaehyun wouldn’t be able to see how red her cheeks were from the constant display of affection he was showing to her. She wasn’t staring, she was just trying to capture his face on her mind so that when she wakes up from this dream she could finally move on from her ex.

“I still haven’t forgiven you for what you’ve done,” Jaehyun whispers again, Y/N looks at him in confusion to see him leaning slightly to her side with eyes still focused on the show. “What have I done?” She said raising a brow. She has only been inside her dream for 20min, she barely got to do anything except stare at the piece of art seated right beside her.

Jaehyun looked at her in disbelief as he flicked her forehead earning a smack on the shoulder. “You left me in the rain, I told you to call me but you didn’t,” he said as he looked at her again. Y/N frowned, not really knowing what to say. “Sorry, I was busy,” At this point, making up stories would only be the solution to questions as it was only a dream that she may forget when she wakes up. Jaehyun continues to stare at her with an unreadable expression. He nods anyway and she gives him a small smile.

“Are you really watching this?” Y/N asks bored out of her mind as the main lead in the musical continues to cry as she longs for her love one who she only meets inside her dream.

“No, I’m just here because I like sitting beside you,” Jaehyun replies shooting her a smile, his dimples making an appearance as they always seem present when she looks at him. She scrunched her nose in disapproval, definitely too good to be true. Prince Charming likes her in her dream, her love life must definitely be fucked up for her to be dreaming about these things.

“We can get out of here if you’re bored,” Jaehyun shrugs as he took her hand gently. He jutted his chin toward the exit raising a brow, “Okay fine, but I’m not spending any money,” she muttered making Jaehyun laugh as he pulled her from her seat. She didn’t even know how she would able to live in this dream.

As they walked around the streets, Y/N tried to ask more about herself so that she wouldn’t have to lie all the time she entered this dream. Never in her life did she experience a dream so realistic, lately, she had troubles sleeping and if she ever got to dream, it would be long forgotten the moment she woke up. A warm hand wrapped around her cold one pulling her out of her thoughts, her gaze shifted from the street to Jaehyun who was grinning at her.

“Do you remember how we met?” She asked as he swayed their hands playfully while walking. “Of course, it was definitely my favorite day,” he chuckled as he recalled how they first met. It was the first day of university and Jaehyun was late. It definitely wasn’t a good first impression to his professors considering how he got into the university because of a basketball scholarship, he used to be a star player back in high school which led him to many offers from big schools that wanted him as the ‘face’ of their team. Although, Jaehyun chose the one closest to his home as he didn’t want to stray farther away from his family, at the same time, his friends attended the same university as him. He tried to discreetly make his way inside the classroom as his professor continued to scribble on the board. Sitting down on the farthest seat as possible, he tried to catch up on the lesson they were having

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?” He heard a small voice say as he shifted his gaze. There she stood in front of him, wearing a yellow dress with her brown hair softly framing her small face accentuating her brown eyes that seem to hold the stars. Jaehyun gulped nervously as he shifted on his seat.

“No, you can sit here whenever you want,” he said a bit too excitedly as he continued to stare at her. The girl gave him a small smile as she sat slid on the seat beside him taking out her notebook and pen.

“I’m Y/N, by the way,” she whispered extending her arm which Jaehyun stared at a bit for too long, “Not that it matte-“ before she could put down her hand Jaehyun grabbed her hand firmly with a smile. “Jaehyun,” he said smiling which made her flustered. “Care to share why you’re late?” He whispered as he tried to start a conversation without getting caught by the professor. He didn’t even understand what was being taught anymore as all his attention was occupied by the girl seated beside him. “The traffic was too bad, why are you late?” She shrugged as she leaned closer to him with a teasing smile. Jaehyun snorted as he slightly bumped his shoulder with hers. They were close already despite the small amount of time they knew each other, “You’re watching me?” He teased as he raised an amused brow at her. Her nose scrunched as she bopped his nose with her pen. “No, I saw you make your way through the door earlier and decided to seat beside you,” she chirped making Jaehyun’s heart flutter. “If I knew better, I would say you stalk me,” he replied trying to brush off the tremble in his voice caused by the amount of flips his heart was making. “Just interested,” she beamed and diverted her attention back to the board. Jaehyun took a glance at her shaking his head at their exchange, silently taking note that he should definitely get her number after this class.

Y/N looked at Jaehyun with an unamused expression as he shrugged, “It’s true though! You tried to hit on me on the first day,” he said earning a punch on the shoulder. “I don’t think that’s how it went though!” She retorted blushing as she didn’t even know if Jaehyun made everything up. It was her first time meeting him, yet in this dream it seems that she’s been in it for years already. She did, however, like how straight forward she was based on Jaehyun’s story, maybe she did like herself better in this dream.

“You asked for my number, so basically, you hit on me,” she stucked her tongue out as she harshly tugged Jaehyun in what she feels like the direction of her house is. Jaehyun pulled her back as they stopped under a lamp post with the light illuminating his face in all the right angles. He leaned close until they were eye-contact level as Y/N tried to keep a blank expression even if her heart was basically going to burst from how close Jaehyun’s face was from hers as she tried to remember all the small details of his face. “You said you were interested first, so I guess I win this argument,” he said smiling at her. Y/N brushed it off as he pushed his face away with her index finger. Jaehyun then wrapped his arms around her waist as he pulled her closer making her grab his forearms for support at the sudden action. “What are you doing?” She said nervously as he started to sway from side to side as he looked at her making her blush at the sudden attention he was giving her. There was no way he couldn’t see how red she was right now. “Dancing, we used to do this all the time,” he said as he continued to sway to some tune he was humming. “I don’t know how to dance,” she muttered as she looked down trying her hardest not to step on his feet. “It’s fine, I can lead,” he said confidently as he continued to stare down at her making her stare at his chest as she couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Hey Y/N,” he mentions when he noticed how quiet she has gone. “Hmmm?” She replies looking up to him as she stared at the area between his brows, his eyes too much for her to take, afraid that if she looks at him she might as well just kiss him there. “I really like dancing here with you but do you mind?” He says as he looked down. Y/N followed his gaze and saw her shoe lace untied itself probably because she kept stepping on them as they danced.

“Oh, let me-“ as she tried to bend down to tie it, Jaehyun pulled her up lightly by the arm as he kneeled before her making her flustered she looked around for people as he basically looked like he was proposing to her. “I can’t have you fall for anyone else,” he grinned as he tried to stifle a laugh. Y/N huffed as she nudged him strong enough for him to fall backwards catching himself with his arms as he tried to stand up.

She walked quickly as she tried to go to what seemed like her house, with Jaehyun following closely behind her as he jogged trying to keep up with her speed. “You’re welcome,” he winked making her flustered once again as she crossed her arms. “I’m home now, aren’t you going?” She said though she really didn’t want him to go yet. She didn’t even know if that was her house but it seemed like it, somehow it just felt right to be there at that moment. Jaehyun chuckled as he took a step back putting his hands in his pockets.

“I hope you had fun today,” he smiled as he ruffled her hair. Y/N nodded as she entered her ‘house’. “Stay safe, Jaehyun,” she said softly as she took one last look at him. Before she could close the door, she felt Jaehyun stop it.

“Wait, before you go,” he held the door with one hand and the other finding the back of her head as his lips lightly touched her forehead. Y/N felt her heartbeat speed up as she closed her eyes at the feeling of his soft lips on her forehead.

“Meet me in your dreams,” he said as he smiled at her before finally closing the door.

——

Y/N jolted awake as she heaved heavy breaths. She felt as if she ran a marathon with how fast her heart was beating. She was back in her bedroom as she looked around. Nothing seemed to change, except the small box that was on top of her bedside table with now only two bottles of dreams. She sighed as she checked the time, she was out for about twelve hours already, although, in her dream only a small amount of time has passed. As she made her way out her apartment, she received a call from Mei.

“So how was it?” Mei asked enthusiastically as y/n could feel her interest on the other end of the line. Sighing she continued to walk down the streets in boredom, wasting time on finding something that would catch her eye.

“I didn’t know a dream could be realistic,” she muttered back. “And there’s this guy,” she added as she thought of this is really a great time to mention a character from her dream, especially to Mei, she woulld probably think she’s gone crazy. “What guy? Are you seeing someone?” The other responded, desperate to know if her friend has finally moved on. “What? No, I mean yes,” Y/N defended.

“It’s not about my ex, actually, there was someone in my dream.” She said. “I don’t really know if I met him before, but his features are very new to me. And you know what they say, that our minds can’t make up images, and everyone in our dream is someone we have met or saw before,” she added. There was no way she saw Jaehyun, if she did then she would probably remember him judging by how good looking he was. “Really? Well, you probably saw him in streets before,” Mei reasoned as y/n could only nod in response even if Mei couldn’t see her. “Anyway, you should really make that worth it. I heard the manufacturer of the shop closed down,” she mentioned as you made your way into a small coffee shop you saw across the street which seemed quite popular judging by the amount of female customers in there.

“Well, I only have two bottles left. I’ll call you when I finish it. Thanks for the gift by the way,” y/n replied as she ended the call

The cafe she entered was small, yet had a homely feeling to it. There was an amount of middle schoolers who look like they just finished school lining up as they perked their heads towards the counter. Y/N squinted as she saw the cute cashier and barista taking their orders. The cashier with white hair that for some reason seemed to match his big intimidating eyes and sharp nose and jawline. He wasn’t as big as the barista, but his body complimented his features as he smiled towards the group of girls who tried to catch his attention. The barista, on the other hand, was tall and had broad shoulders. His hair was dyed black, but he seemed really friendly despite his strong aura.

When it was her turn to order, she now understood why a lot of women in this city practically visited this shop everyday. From afar, she noticed how good-looking the staff were in the cafe, but now looking at them up close made her throat dry.

“I would like one iced latte,” she said shyly as the cashier smiled at her. She squinted her eyes at his name tag, Taeyong. Cute. “Are you new here?” Taeyong said as he pressed numbers on his screen for her order.

“Umm, I live around here. But it’s my first time in this cafe,” she mentioned as she looked around trying to distract herself from meeting his eyes.

“Cool, may I have your name?” He chirped as he smiled again towards her raising his brow. Y/N furrowed her brows as she stared back at him, “A-are you trying to ask me out?” She stuttered bewildered at the sudden question. Taeyong laughed as the barista behind him accidentally knocked a cup off as he turned around to look at her stifling a laugh as well. “What? Um, you’re cute but I need it for the cup,” he gestured raising a cup in his hand making y/n embarrassed as she heard the girls from behind whisper about how assuming she was.

“Oh, sorry,” she said lowly as she muttered her name quickly and paying as she moved to get her order.

——

Y/N sat on her bed holding the box of two bottles. Taking one, she shook it again as she saw the swirl of iridescent liquid calling her in. The whole time she mentally prepared herself for what was to come. To say she was excited to meet Jaehyun again was an understatement, she wanted to take the bottle again as soon as she stepped home but she remembered that there was only two left.

She took one bottle out deeply breathing in and out as she downed it all feeling the familiar taste touch her lips as she entered her dream once again.

When she woke up again she was in a garden, sitting up right as she felt something on her lap shift. Looking around, she noticed she was still in the same setting as before only, it was day and everything seemed bright as people continued to walk around minding their own business.

“You look beautiful from this angle down here, but I would appreciate it if you would look at me too,” a voice says as she looked down only to see Jaehyun lying down on her lap staring up at her with a small smile on his face. She blushed once again when she saw him, last night she thought he was breathtaking under the lamp post but under the sun he looked so much better with freckles scattered on his cheeks his eyes a lighter shade of brown and his dimples, ever so present, poking out.

“You were saying?” She says as Jaehyun stood up from her lap. “I’m starting to think you don’t pay attention to anything I say,” he complained as he dusted himself. Y/N stared right at him, wondering what they would do next.

“I need you to accompany me. I have this project going on and Johnny’s too busy to go with me,” he said as he took her hand. She wasn’t sure who Johnny was but she assumed he was his friend. Though she didn’t mind what his character would mean in her dream as he hasn’t showed up yet. She noted to herself that later on she would figure out who Johnny was and probably make the most of the second bottle she took. As they neared a building that look somewhat like a huge library, Jaehyun pulled her in a hurry as they made their way through old books.

Y/N groaned as she watched Jaehyun scan through the book once again trying to find the right thing. It was her dream, why is nothing interesting happening. “Jaehyun, what am I to you?” She asked as Jaehyun’s attention quickly went to her. His ears reddened as he rubbed the back of his neck shyly, “You said you weren’t my boyfriend. And you kissed me on my forehead, so who are you?” She asked as she hesitated mentioning that kiss as she felt herself become shy as she remembered how she woke up right after. Jaehyun nervously chuckled, to be honest, he himself did not know what their stand was. All he knew was that he wanted to protect her, and that he wanted to be with her always. It was all he ever knew since he met her, it was as if it was a role given to him by the gods to stand by her side no matter what.

“I’m not sure y/n, what do you want us to be?” He asks unsurely afraid of the rejection he might receive. Silently praying she won’t say ‘friends’. Y/N was taken aback as the question was thrown back at her. She didn’t know what they were supposed to be, nor did she know Jaehyun as much as he claims to know her.

Seeing the hesitation on her face, Jaehyun felt disappointed but decided to brush off the thought. “It’s okay, you don’t have to think about it.” He said as he gave her a pained smile which wasn’t unnoticed by y/n. “I can wait,” he said under his breath as he looked at her. Y/N looked at him in surprise, it was her dream. She could say whatever she wants, “I like you,” she blurted out as she waited for his reaction. Jaehyun’s ears, if possible, became more red as he heard her confession. He tried to stop the smile forming on his lips as he put back the book on the shelf.

“Well, that’s great because,” he said taking a step near her as he held both of her hands in his. “I am absolutely smitten by you,” he added ash he wrapped his arms around her shoulders pulling her into a hug. Y/N smiled as her cheeks hurt. She hugged him back, now this is definitely one of her best dreams ever. “Does that mean we can go on dates now?” She said as she pulled back. If she could live in a dream, then she would want to live in this dream forever.

Jaehyun grinned, “Lucky for you I booked us a date,” he said as he winked.

“Okay, maybe I don’t like you anymore,” y/n said as she made her way out of the library with Jaehyun laughing a bit too loud behind her.

————

As they made their way out of the library, Y/N found her hand once again wrapped around Jaehyun as he intertwined their fingers together. She smiled at Jaehyun’s affection. It was as if his hand automatically finds hers wherever they go.

As you both walked hand in hand, Jaehyun led you to a planetarium. “Have you ever been?” Jaehyun asks as he navigates his way through the streets. Constantly pulling you aside as you try to avoid people walking the opposite direction.

“I’ve never been to one actually,” you say wondering if you’ve ever been to one with your ex. To think of it, you really didn’t have enough time in the real world to explore the city during your past relationship. You were either curled up in your apartment or burrying your head in books. The dates you had previously were just last minute decisions as if he was just forced to take you out because you were together. But this time, with Jaehyun, it seems as if you actually got what you deserve. It may seem cheesy, but your heart fluttered when Jaehyun mentioned that he actually planned this date. It could be a preset in the dream, but that didn’t matter to y/n, all that mattered was that someone took the time to care for her and remind her how special she is. Even if that someone doesn’t really exist, she chose to ignore the thought. If there was a person who would break your heart again, you would be honored to have your heart broken by Jaehyun. And even with a broken heart, you would choose to love Jaehyun with all those little pieces.

“You should see the stars, they shine as bright as you,” Jaehyun added as they made their way through the planetarium. There wasn’t much people walking through, and everyone was speaking in hushed voices. As they walked through the planetarium, they entered a dark room with only the ceiling illuminated by galaxies and small celestial beings. Jaehyun looked at you with a small smile playing on his lips. He was fascinated by the way your eyes seem to shine even in the dark, like your eyes held the most beautiful stars as you admired the projected ceiling of light. Y/N then looked at Jaehyun who was still staring at her in awe. “You should take a picture, it would last longer,” she beamed as he scoffed lightly.

“So you steal lines now?” he said with an amused brow lightly applauding her sarcastically as you shoved him on his shoulder. “What else do I steal?” she said as they made their way around the room. “Probably my heart,” Jaehyun shrugged as he felt his ears turn red. He quickly looked up inspecting the ceiling as Y/N shot him a look of disapproval.

“If I wish on that star,” Y/N said pointing to a projected shooting star, “will my wish count?” you asked as you stared at Jaehyun whose eyes are still trained towards the ceiling as he looked at the constellations.

Jaehyun laughed as he put his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Maybe,” he said as he looked up. Y/N closed her eyes as she clasped her hands together. She knew it was pathetic, to be making a wish in this dream. But her pleas and prayers didn’t seem enough to calm her desperate heart.

I wish I could live in this dream a little longer.

They both sat down in the middle as they continued to enjoy each other’s presence. No one was around anymore as it seemed like the whole planetarium closed. Y/N already lost track of time, she didn’t know what has already happened to her in the real world, but for sure she was sleeping for the whole day already. Jaehyun, on the other hand, was still deep in thought as he slowly laid down on the floor with an arm tucked behind his head as a pillow, the other resting on his stomach.

“Do you ever feel like somewhere out there, there’s another version of us doing the exact same thing we are doing now?” he mentions as he continues to stare into space. Y/N glances at him and copies his position as she adjusted herself to be laying down beside him. Not really knowing what to say, Jaehyun took it as a sign to continue.

“I feel like I’ve been living in a cycle. It sucks really cause everyone I know either forget me, or they space out. Or it was as if I never really know them to begin with,” he says, frustration clear in his voice. His eyebrows furrowed as he continued to stare into the black space displayed on the ceiling. “You know, the other day, Johnny acted as if he didn’t really know me. I don’t even know if he was playing with me but it was like it was his first time seeing me,” he added as he turned to meet your eyes that were just focused on him. “It’s like how we saw each other back in the theater, you both acted the same way,” he pushed himself up as he supported himself with his arms.

“It’s the same every fucking time. I meet someone knew, we get to know each other, then all of a sudden they forget who I am,”

“I feel like I’m a character in someone’s dream,” Y/N gulped nervously as she slowly sat up. Jaehyun still confused as he blankly stared at his lap. Y/N didn’t know what to say, she didn’t know how to tell him that he was right and he was just a figment of her imagination and that all of this was from a stupid bottle her friend gave her for her birthday. You were scared to say something, afraid that revealing the truth would mean that you would wake up and that meant that you only had one bottle left to be with Jaehyun. Y/N grabbed his hand and gave it a light squeeze with a smile, hopefully, assuring him that everything will be alright.

“Promise me one thing,” he says as he faced her seriously. You nodded in response as you waited. “Don’t forget me,” he says carefully watching her reaction. Y/N chuckled as she shook her head, “That’s easy to do, Jae,” she laughed as she shaked their intertwined hands playfully. “Promise me you’ll also stay,” he added seriously. Y/N froze when she heard his words. To forget him was hard, she could remember him everyday when she woke up. But to stay was another thing, how could she stay when she only had one bottle left? How could she stay when he was just a character in her dream? How could she stay with someone who only exists in her memory?

She looked back at him, and the moment she did, she quickly regretted her actions. He was looking at her with so much hope in his eyes. Noticing her silence, the hope in his eyes turned into grim acceptance as he felt her hesitation. Y/N squeezed his hand making him look back at her. She had no idea what came in her, but she decided if its for Jaehyun, she would try.

“I promise,” she said firmly, eyes burning with determination. After all, a broken promise is better than none at all.

——

Y/N felt dizzy as she tried to get up from her bed as she leaned towards the bed stand to get her phone. Her mouth fell dry, remembering the promise she made Jaehyun as she dialed Mei’s number. “Help, I need to do something,” she said as soon as the line was answered.

“What is it this time? Did you finish the bottles already?” Mei asked groaning in response as you called too early for her liking. “No, tell me where you bought the bottles,” she said as she tried to balance her phone between her shoulder and ear as she wore pants. “I need to find who made those bottles,” she added disappointed at the lack of response from the latter. “I’ll send them to you, but I don’t think they’re open,” Mei replied, y/n sighed. She didn’t know why she made that promise, or how she would fulfill it. Back in her dream, everything seemed possible but now, all that was left was empty words that she regrets saying. She didn’t even know why she had a need to keep the promise to Jaehyun, he didn’t even exist to her disappointment.

After she received Mei’s message, she quickly headed out to go to the said shop. Her heart pounded nervously as she drove to the address. It was in a secluded part of town, there was no residential area near it and it seemed like a place that no one frequented to judging by the lack of public transportation that went to the area. She had to take a cab, and the look the driver gave her meant that it wasn’t a place to be in in the first place. As she stared at the shop in front of her, she suddenly felt so alone as the cab quickly left blowing a gust of wind. The small bells tingled when she walked in. The store was small and cramped with only a small counter near the end as she tried her best not to step on any of the antique items that were for display. Ringing the small bell on the table, she tried to inspect the place a bit more.

Her eyes squinted as she spotted a familiar poster hanging on the wall between two large dream catchers. ‘The Impossible Dream’ it read as small details were printed around. Her eyes widened in shock. It was the same poster from her dream, could it be that the musical actually existed? Would that mean Jaehyun existed? Before she tried to move further to get a closer look a stern voice spoke from behind the counter.

“What brings you here? We are closed,” her head whipped to the direction of the voice. There stood an old woman who was smaller than her with her white hair tied neatly up in a bun, eyes narrowing towards Y/N.

“That poster, where did you get it?” You said pointing in the direction of it as you tried your best not to falter in front of her gaze that seemed too strong for you to handle.

“That poster was made years ago by my ancestors, does it look familiar to you?” The old lady replied. Y/N nodded in response still debating whether the possibility of Jaehyun existing was real or not. “You took the bottles, didn’t you?” The old lady pressed on as Y/N muttered a small yes. “That was a mistake, you should have never taken it in the first place. I suggest you go home and continue on with your life, dark magic is not to be played with,” she said as she made her way towards the door behind the counter.

“No! Wait, I have some questions,” Y/N protested as she tried to block the old lady from disappearing.

“Forget about it now, what you experienced is not real,” the old lady said as she tried to make her way around you. Y/N continued to block her way which made the old lady sigh. You really didn’t want to give her a hard time considering her age, but you didn’t want to leave without unanswered questions.

“You say the dream I had wasn’t real, but why does that poster exist?” Y/N said as she moved to grab the poster that was hanging on the wall. It was designed exactly like what she saw on her dream. “What is this? What is in those bottles?” She gestured desperately waiting for an answer. The old lady sighed, grabbing a small stool and sitting down. “Those are bottles of dreams, my grandmother and my mother used to make it when I was still a child, telling me that one day it would change the world and that people would go crazy to get a sip of what was in it,”

“These bottles allow people to live in their deepest desires, everything you see in your dream is just a figment of your imagination. The potion lets you have what you want,” she added as she gestured towards the poster. “Luckily for you, what you desire isn’t that bad. But for others, it became too much. I stopped selling the bottles because things could get out of hand,” she said sadly. Y/N felt like the weight of her promise was crashing down on her. There was too much information for her to handle, the fact that Jaehyun did not exist made her sick. “I know you’re sad, everyone does once they find out they can’t have what they desire. But if it makes you feel any better, I can tell you one secret,” the old lady says hesitating as she finds the hope in your eyes glint at her words. “This poster, I am guessing you have seen it before in one of your dreams?” She questions as she holds it up in the light. Y/N nodded, “I want to know if the person I see in my dreams is true, or perhaps, I am holding on to this impossibility that he is true,” she mutters as she remembers Jaehyun. She only had one bottle left, meaning it would be the last time she would see him.

“This poster appeared here two days ago, I don’t know how it got here but I assume it is something from a dream. Just like everything in this shop,” the old lady said gesturing towards the other antique items. Everything was so random, as if it was just dumped with whatever things people could find.

“I am not sure if your dreams are real, and if the people do exist. But judging from how everything keeps appearing in random, they might be somewhere out there,” she added. Y/N breathed deeply, there was no assurance of Jaehyun existing in this world, but the existence of the poster means that he would probably appear in this shop if he were to be created. The poster alone ignited her desire to find him. If he did exist, where was he?

“Thank you, if you see anyone appear here around my age. Tall, white, handsome, basically looks like a prince, please let me know,” Y/N says as she leaves her phone number. The old lady chuckled, “Isn’t that too childish for a woman like you?” She says amused at your desperation to find this boy. “He’s a dream come true, can’t let anyone get to him,” y/n replies as she made her way out.

When Y/N returned home, she felt exhausted. She didn’t want to take her last bottle just yet. It could be her last chance of seeing Jaehyun, if what the old lady said was false. But seeing how the poster showed up, as well as other things that were in the shop, it gave her hope that Jaehyun existed somewhere out there. Another thing that bothered her was the fact that if he was out there, where was he? She didn’t even know where to start finding him. She hoped that he lived in the same country for her, she didn’t have enough money to find him if he were abroad. Nor did she think she was willing to find a man who basically existed based on her imagination. Even if he did live under the same skies, it was still to difficult task to do.

What’s the most you would be willing to do for the person you love?

Y/N took the last bottle of dreams, determined to keep her promise to Jaehyun. Adjusting once again to the bright light, when she woke up, she was seated on a chair in what seems like her room in her dream. She was wearing a white maxi dress that hugged her figure in all the right places, long enough to pool on the floor while she sat down. Her hair flowed down her back with curls toward the ends as her face was dolled with light make up.

Taking a good look of herself, she was satisfied with how she looked. If this was the last thing Jaehyun would see, then she was happy that he would see her at her best. When the doorbell rang, she made her way towards the door with a heavy heart as she reminded herself that this was her last bottle. When she opened the door, she smiled as she took in the sight of Jaehyun infront of her. His hair was gelled back with a fringe curled infront of his forehead. He was wearing a plain black suit and tie with a white dress shirt under. He held up a bouquet of fresh daisies as his cheeks were lightly pink from the cold (he tried to convince himself). “For you,” he shyly said, dimples making an appearance once again, he handed over the daisies as he stared down on his feet shuffling as he felt flustered by your presence.

Y/N pouted, he was the man of her dreams. Literally. She hoped she only drank half of the bottle now, because she definitely wanted to see Jaehyun dressed up like this for the rest of her life.

“What’s the matter?” Jaehyun said worried as he saw your lack of response. Taking your hand lightly, he rubbed small circles in the back of your hand as his other took your chin beneath his thumb and point finger. “Stop frowning, you look beautiful in that dress,” he complimented.

“You’re too good looking, I don’t think I can go with you anymore,” you reply trying to play off the somber mood as you give him a reassuring smile. Jaehyun chuckled, “You should see yourself,”

Both entered the venue, to say that it was extravagant was an understatement. It looked like a greek god threw a party, out of a sudden, Y/N felt out of place with all the people passing by looking like they were raised with a golden spoon. Feeling Jaehyun’s arm snake around her waist pulling her closer towards him, she glance at him sending him a small smile as she tries to gain confidence. “It’s fine, we can leave once you feel uncomfortable,” he says as he guides her towards the entrance. “Who has the money to throw this party? It looks ethereal,” Y/N loudly whispers shooting a fake smile to the guards who welcome both of you. “Moon Taeil, he’s a friend of mine,” Jaehyun replies as he inspects the place. Y/N looks around as she admires the gold chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and tall white pillars around the place with gold vines wrapped around it.

“By the way, you look ethereal,” Jaehyun whispers close to her ear, his lips brushing against her earlobe making her flush. He leads her to their table and leaves to get the drinks which makes y/n snap back to her plan. Honestly, she really did not have a plan. She didn’t know how she should spend her last bottle, but for sure she had to act quickly. She thought of hugging Jaehyun or at least holding his hand tight enough for her to bring him to reality, but everything seems pathetic at this point. Looking around, she decided to go to the restroom to at least settle with a final plan. As she made her way through the hallways, she looks at the pictures hanging on the wall. It all looked like some portrait of a royal family, but one picture has caught her eye. Narrowing her gaze, she inspects a picture of a woman probably around her 20s with eyes set forward as if it was staring at her back.

“Where did I see this before?” Y/N mutters under her breath as she stared longer at the woman. Shit, it was the same woman from the shop, only a younger version. Her eyes widened, as she tried to find more pictures of the woman. Y/N slowly tried to reach for the frame, carefully touching it as she tried to find a trace of anything that could help her to bring Jaehyun to reality. Biting on her lip, she continues down the hall in desperation to find hints. As she neared the end, she felt a gust of wind blow towards her.

Turning around, she finds herself in the middle of the street. It was the same street where she met Jaehyun, the first time she appeared in her dream. She looks around and notices the same poster hanging around. Breathing deeply she turns around once again, “What the fuck is going on?” She asks herself.

“Excuse me, where am I?” She asked as she grabbed an arm of a woman who was walking down the street. The girl ignored her like a ghost as she shook her arm of and continued to walk as if nothing happened. Y/N tried asking different people but they all pretended as if they couldn’t hear her. She continued to walk down the streets, noticing a familiar building. The shop she visited, the one with the old lady. Y/N tried opening the door, continuously pounding on it with her fists. “Hello! I need some help, I’m the girl from awhile ago!,” she pleaded as she continued to pound the door with her fists. “Please help me,” she cried out as she shook the door handle. After numerous attempts of trying to open the door, she decided to go back.

“Jaehyun, where are you,” she said feeling her eyes water as she ran around trying to find him in the crowd. Closing her eyes, she tried to control her dream. “I am in the party, I am with Jaehyun,” she chanted, eyes tightly shut as she clenched her fists. Her cheeks wet with streaks of tears that have escaped her eye.

Opening her eyes again, she finds herself in a bathroom. Heaving deep breaths, she looks around her cautiously, afraid that she would lose herself in her dream. After wiping her tears, she made her way towards the party. She finds Jaehyun in the corner talking to a woman around her age her hair long and straight. She looked smaller next to his bigger frame and her eyes were sparkling, y/n was not sure if it was from the light or was it just really her. The woman laughed lightly at what Jaehyun says as she gives him a charming smile. She matched the princess in fairy tales looking as regal as Jaehyun could be. This made y/n sad, it was her dream all along, but if she couldn’t bring Jaehyun to reality then he might as well just live his happily ever after with this woman.

But she might be able to bring him with her, and she wasn’t going to back down without a fight. Y/N clenched her fists, I was gone for a while and this idiot didn’t even try to find me, feeling the green monster in her heart rise she huffed out loud stomping over to the both of them.

“What happened to drinks?” She said making Jaehyun jolt at her sudden presence. “I was just about to get it,” Jaehyun answers as he glances at Y/N. “This is Naeun, a friend of mine, and this is Y/N,” he says gesturing to the both of you. Naeun gives her a small smile raising a hand, while Y/N continued to stare at her blankly.

“His girlfriend,” you scoff as you glared at Jaehyun. “I didn’t know it could take you fifteen minutes to get a drink,” she mocked as Jaehyun looked at her with an amused smile. “I just got here, what are you talking about?” He replied. Y/N raised her brow, “I went to the bathroom,” she argued back. Naeun looked at the two, excusing herself as she didn’t want to get caught up between them. “I just sat you down though,” Jaehyun pouted at her response not liking that she was upset with him. Y/N was confused, didn’t she just get lost in her dream? Or did time just stop and everything continued to flow for her? She decided to drop the topic, sitting down on the stool next to him.

“Doesn’t matter, who is she?” She questioned jutting her chin towards Naeun’s direction as she took a sip from the Andy Player Jaehyun ordered from her directing her attention towards the front avoiding his teasing eyes. “Just a friend from high school,” he said taking a seat as well as he took a sip of his drink, his smiling growing wider at her reaction. Y/N rolled her eyes as she played with the liquid in her glass, “Sure, you seem happy to be reunited,” she mocked, jealousy coating her words. “Hmmm, are you jealous?” Jaehyun asked as he leaned one arm on the counter looking at her with a teasing smile she would like to wipe off his face because not only did he irritatingly looked too good to be true, the veins in his arms were also distracting. Fuck Jaehyun and his rolled up sleeves, Y/N found it unfair, he looked like God’s favorite.

“No, why would I be jealous?” She said defensively taking another sip of her drink. “I don’t care who you mingle with,” she dragged on with a tone as she stuck her tongue out. Jaehyun laughed, “Really? Cause I don’t remember asking me to be your boyfriend,” he added. Y/N chocked on her spit at his statement as she glared at him, “Forget I said that,” though she secretly liked how he seemed to be fine with that title. “To be honest, I really don’t want to,” he retorted. Y/N flushed as she felt herself shrink on her seat.

“I want to dance with my girlfriend, may I?” Jaehyun stated as he offered her a hand, smiling as he raised his brows making Y/N scoff. She really wanted him to stop, it wasn’t good for her heart that probably did a thousand of flips at every word he says.

She took his hand as they made their way towards the dance floor, Jaehyun’s arms wrapped around her waist as he pulled her closer, his other arm guarding each of her hand to wrap around his neck as they found themselves back to her waist. Y/N felt bittersweet, remembering the first time they saw each other and how they were in the exact same position just in a different setting. Jaehyun hummed with the slow song that was playing, lightly mumbling the lyrics with his baritone voice, as his smile never left his face, “This feels familiar,” he says lightly chuckling as he guided her once again through their dance. Y/N this time, only looked at him, no longer looking at her feet. “I think I could get used to this,” she replies making Jaehyun’s smile grow wider, his ears turning red.

“I may have not told you this earlier, but you look beautiful tonight,” he said face serious as they continued to sway to the music. “I mean, you look beautiful everyday, but you look extra pretty now,” he added. Y/N’s face scrunched up in disapproval, never fond of compliments but ever so receiving when it comes to Jaehyun.

“You look handsome as always, Jae,” she said sincerely, lips quirking up slightly at the new nickname she gave him.

Y/N glanced at Jaehyun once more as he continued to guide her carefully through the dance, her heart heavy as it seems that the thought of him not existing in reality would not leave her alone. Hesitating, she looks one more at the smile he has on his face, she really doesn’t want to hurt him. I don’t think I have it in me to hurt you, ever.

“I lo-“

“Jaehyun, I have to tell you something,” she says cutting him off as he was about to say something. Jaehyun looked at her surprise but smiled understandingly, this can wait, I can wait, l just a little bit more, he thought.

They went to the garden, there were still people walking around but less compared to those inside. Y/N’s heart was beating too loud she could hear it in her dream, she has to risk it. She needed to tell him, she had to tell him. “Just let me speak, and I’ll answer all your questions later,” she says as he looked at her curiously. Jaehyun nodded in response, encouraging her to continue as he grabbed both her hands to help her calm down.

“You don’t exist, you’re a part of my dream,” she said as she looked at Jaehyun whose eyebrows just furrowed, pursing his lips as to stop him from asking questions.

“It was my 23rd birthday two days ago, my friend gave me a gift of bottles that contained dreams. I thought it was bullshit at first, but the moment I drank the first bottle, I met you. And I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’re just a part of my imagination. It pains me to say it, but I don’t think I could hide the truth from you anymore. The next time I met you, it was when we were at the park, I remember you asking me how I spaced out and how I seem not to pay attention. It was because I wasn’t mentally present when you were speaking to me. All those times I met you, I fell in love with you because you were all I ever wanted, and it hurts me to think that I can’t even have you in my life,”

Y/N’s tears continued to roll down her face as she sobbed trying to gather her thoughts as Jaehyun looked at her with a mix of confusion and frustration. “This night, I drank my last bottle,” she says voice shaking as she felt Jaehyun’s hands stiffen under her hold.

“Remember when we made our wishes? I wished to live longer in this dream,” she says as he hugged her. Her tears drenching his suit, but that didn’t matter. This maybe her last moments with him, and her heart was hurting too much for her to take.

“Jaehyun, I love you,” she sobbed. She said it, without hesitation as she looked at Jaehyun with teary eyes. Jaehyun bit his lip, he didn’t even know where to start asking. He hugged her tightly as he felt his tears touch his lips, the taste salty as it continued to flow down his face. “I won’t tell you mine, because it won’t come true if I do,” he says as he puts a hand on his shoulder his face bending down to meet her eyes. His other hand brushed the stray strands against her face as she continued to cry.

“I shouldn’t be crying like this, we shouldn’t be doing this,” she said as she wiped her tears away trying to think of happy thoughts.

“Y/N, look at me,” Jaehyun said seriously. His hands with a firm grip on his shoulder. Y/N tried to hold back her tears as she saw the pain on his eyes, long gone the smiles he gave her earlier.

“Promise me, you’ll try,” Y/N nodded as she grabbed his face and pressed a firm kiss on his lips.

“Don’t leave me, please,”

“I won’t, I swear,”

—————

Y/N woke up, her cheeks still wet as she felt tears stream down her face. Everything felt so real, the kiss, the confession, the promises. Jaehyun’s words still echoing in her mind as if she could hear his deep voice whispering beside her.

The moment she got up she tried contacting the old woman, and going back to the shop only to find that it was closed already and was going to be demolished soon. It has been a week since she last saw Jaehyun, a week since she has drank her last dream in a bottle. However, the heartache she went through was still as fresh as it was when she woke up. She tried her best to find him. She visited different libraries, reading on books about what happened to her and if there was a way to reverse it. She even tried going to a planetarium in hopes of finding Jaehyun there, but all found nothing. Some people thought she was crazy, and that she was hallucinating everything, but they didn’t know her story.

She even found the same venue where they had the ball, but to her disappointment, she never found anything that could lead her to Jaehyun or vice versa. It was if he was just a memory she was to forget. But that was the problem, she couldn’t forget him. She promised him she would try, and she didn’t want to let him down. Sometimes, she wondered what he was doing. Was he also trying to escape her mind? Was he with Naeun now that she was gone? Does she get those cheesy pickup lines he tells her? What was he doing now? Did he love her?

There were times when she tried to dream of him, but it wasn’t real. All she got was an image of him, but it didn’t feel like how she dreamt of him when she had the bottle. She tried to widen her imagination, and picture him with her. But it was too tiring for her, after all, she only had three nights of dreams.

As she made her way down the busy streets, she walked quickly as she navigated her way towards the central park as she continued to avoid the people bumping her while they were walking the opposite direction. She stopped in front of the cafe, heaving deep breaths. As she made her way in she walked towards the table in the corner, her lips forming into a smile as she saw the familiar face.

“It’s been a while,” she said hugging Mei. Mei grinned back at her and gestured her to sit down.

“So, how’s life so far?” Mei asked enthusiastically as she sipped on her tea, crossing her legs as she leaned forward. Y/N shrugged as she took a bite of her banana cake, “Nothing much, it’s been boring lately,” she said as she stabbed the banana cake and stuffing another piece into her mouth. “You know you never called me after the second bottle,” Mei huffed.

“Nothing happened, I tried to find the manufacturer because I needed more but the building was demolished,” she replied bitterly. “Ohh yeah, but the dreams were good right?” Mei responded.

“Yeah, too good to be true,” Y/N replied dejectedly. “Do you ever like, want your dreams to come true?” She asked Mei curiously as she bit her fork. “Of course, why the sudden question?” Mei retorted. “I dreamt about this guy, and he’s wonderful. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and I just wished he was true,” she replies sighing remembering Jaehyun once again which made her feel bittersweet. It was like she was the only one who knew him inside out, he literally was the man of her dreams.

“I don’t know what you dreamt about but whatever it is, I guess those bottles really work then,” Mei shrugged. “Besides, attachment is the root of suffering,” she adds taking a bite of the banana cake and wiggling her brows.

As she navigated her way home, Y/N sighs once again. Was it really that hard to forget Jaehyun? He didn’t even exist yet here she is feeling broken hearted as if she was cheated on once again by her ex boyfriend. Moving towards a crowd she felt people bump against her making her scrunch up her nose in irritation, “Damn, can’t people watch where they’re going?” She muttered under her breath as she made hurried strides towards her apartment.

Before she could take a turn, she felt a body bump against her as she fell on her butt looking up squinting. Pair of hands helped her stand up as she dusted herself, flustered that she caused a scene in public.

“Thank you,” she muttered quietly to the stranger who didn’t seem to budge as she tried to make her way.

“You should really watch where you’re going,” a deep voice said. Looking up, her jaw slacked. There he stood in front of her, with a light smile in his face his hair still swept back as he was dressed in a plain white tee with denim jeans and white sneakers. Jaehyun. If he looked ethereal in her dream, then she didn’t even know how to describe how he looked as he stood in front of her as she continued to stare at him in awe.

“I didn’t know you were this clumsy, I think you need to get used to me guiding you everywhere,” he added shaking his head as he took her hand in his as his smile radiated. He chuckled at her noticing her lack of response. He placed a small kiss on her forehead as his arm wrapped around her shoulder as he pulled her towards the direction of her apartment.

“How did you find me? How are you here? Are you real?” Y/N asked hurriedly as she stared at him in shock. Everyone was looking at Jaehyun, who wouldn’t really? The girls around continued to stare at him with heart eyes but they didn’t matter to him as his arm tightly wrapped around your shoulder. They didn’t matter cause they weren’t you. Y/N was too bewildered to even glare at those girls as her mind started thinking of all the possibilities on how he appeared.

“My wish came true,” Jaehyun stated as he faced her grinning at her amazed state. “What did you wish for?” Y/N asked curiously as she looked at Jaehyun who was still smiling at her softly.

“I wished I could spend the rest of my life loving you,”

Y/N stopped walking as Jaehyun grabbed her shoulders and faced her towards him. “Why did you say that? Now it won’t come true,” she scolded him as she pouted. Jaehyun laughed at her response. “I’m not going anywhere though, you got me, you got me good,” he winked making her blush just like in her dream.

“Oh and Y/N,” he added as he bent down meeting her eyes as she looked at him with flushed cheeks and bright eyes.

“I love you too,”

#jaehyun fic #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun au #nct fic #jaehyun imagines #jung jaehyun #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun fanfic

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askaceattorney · 3 years ago

Text

Dear Anonymous,

I appreciate all the thanks and appreciation, but, uh...no need to pile it on so heavy. X }

As a rule, I don’t make friends with strangers on the internet, at least until I get to know them (fool me once, as they say), but I’m always happy to chat with anyone who shares my interests, whether it be video games, art, video game art, etc. I do have a Discord, which I’ll share privately with anyone wants to chat with me there, but that’s as far as my online communication goes with people I don’t know. I’m also “nobodyuknow,” so please don’t be disappointed if it turns out I’m not as cool as you thought. X )

Thanks for following my art blog, by the way! I know it’s not as interesting as a video game ask blog, so any attention I get there is always appreciated. Art’s a lot of fun, but also a lot of work.

And to everyone who shares your sentiment:

I’M GONNA MISS YOU, TOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

And I hope things work out for the best for all of you as well.

Dear Anonymous,

Co-Mod: It’s been my pleasure.

And I’ll gladly repeat myself by saying that it was only made possible by fun-loving letter-writers like you. I’m glad I could help to make things enjoyable while I was here, and hope to be able to do the same wherever I end up going next (both on the worldwide web and in the real world), so thanks a bunch for the well wishes!

A belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you as well, and to everyone reading this. Heck, I’ll settle for a non-miserable year this point.

Dear gumshoe-letty-fan,

Co-Mod: I’m not too familiar with that anime, so let me just do some quick research...

Confirmed. They’re definitely related, at the very least.

(Video in Letter -- Disturbing Image Warning)

Dear Anonymous,

Co-Mod: .........................

(Source)

Mod Edgeworth: Remember when Adult Swim actually had good adult animated content? Good times. Good times.

Dear Anonymous,

Mod Edgeworth: By the time we get at least two or three new mods. So far, I only have one new mod I’m getting in and someone else we are still interviewing at the moment.

I will introduce the first mod by the 18th of January.

(Picture in Letter)

Dear Anonymous,

Co-Mod:

Now, that's a sight for any Ace Attorney fan’s sore eyes.

I especially love how the similar characters from the Chronicles and non-Chronicles games are on symmetrically opposite sides of the picture (ex. Gant and Stronghart, Auchi and Payne, Edgeworth and Kazuma, etc.), and how there are so many subtle things going on at once, like in a Where’s Waldo? picture -- Missile running off with a Blue Badger doll in his mouth, Soseki’s cat playing with Espella’s, Larry getting smacked in the face, and probably a lot more I haven’t noticed yet. Beautiful!

One question I have, though -- how did Maya holding Susato’s hand not cause a rift in the time-space continuum?

Mod Edgeworth: I like how Phoenix and Ryunosuke are reflecting off of each other, including the cast from their own story. It’s like it’s subtly hinting who the character types are without giving it away and I love it!

Why do I get the feeling Edgeworth got some inspiration from Kazuma?

Dear Anonymous,

Co-Mod: Don’t worry, we will. Forget, that is.

Mod Edgeworth: Just like how everyone forgot Halloween was the day Tobias Gregson died.

(Referenced Letter)

Mod Edgeworth: Fixed it!

(Link in Letter)

Dear Anonymous,

Mod Justice:

Superior to ours? I think not.

If we take a look at the first post ever made on our AskBlog... we can see that it dates back to July 15th, 2011...

...while the other blog’s first post was only created on December 26th of this year.

Tell me, how can our AskBlog - one that has been around for over ten years and counting - be “inferior” to yours...

...when it hasn’t even been around for two full days?!

Furthermore, there are other points to consider on why your logic is flawed.

If you would please, Co-Mod and Mod Edgeworth?

Mod Edgeworth:

Huh? Oh um...

..... yeah, this one looks new that focuses on asks and reblogs.

....

Also, I don’t see why I should care what blog is or isn’t superior to ours. There are a plethora of ask blogs on Tumblr. Ours just happens to be one of the oldest ones that grew over a period of time. We’ve gotta start somewhere, don’t we?

Let’s not make this into a competition. If it’s a new blog, then let them be.

Co-Mod: I, uh...didn’t realize there was a competition going on here. What’s the score so far?

In all seriousness, I wish that blog success, but I hope they’ll remember to keep it about Ace Attorney and its fun characters. That strategy always seemed to work out the best for us.

Dear Anonymous,

Co-Mod: Thanks a bunch! I know that feeling, by the way. Awesome people are hard to find these days, but they’re out there, and I often get the urge to let one of them know it when I find them. That’s one of the upsides of the worldwide web, I suppose.

Mod Edgeworth: Thank you very much. You are too kind.

-The Mods

#Anonymous #gumshoe letty fan #Mod Post #Co Mod #Mod Edgeworth #Mod Justice

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vintagedolan · 5 years ago

Text

overturned (egd)

ethan’s tried everything to get you to hear him out, and you aren’t budging until a news article on twitter changes everything in an instant

word count: 4.7k

requested by: anon (thank you bby!)

warnings/tags: angst angst angst angst, did I say angst???, but in typical lynds weak bitch fashion it ends up okay at the end 🥴

feel free to send in requests! and check out my masterlist if you wanna :)

You were running out of counter space, and that was saying something. The kitchen was beginning to smell like a florist shop, rich and beautiful with the number of bouquets. Luckily, they’d all come in vases, or you wouldn’t have had enough containers to keep them in.

As if on cue, the doorbell rang again. You grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, already feeling guilty. When you opened the door, it was the same sweet woman who had been there everyday, twice a day at least, for the last 6 days.

“Hi Mary,” you sighed. You’d begun a bit of a friendship with her, the exchange of her handing over the flowers commonplace now.

“Hi Ms. Y/N. Those are particularly good ones, I think the shop found a new supplier. Blue hydrangeas are hard to come by, especially out here. He must be paying a fortune for those,” she said, raising her eyebrows. You knew that - your favorite flower wasn’t common in California.

“Money isn’t really an issue for him,” you mumbled, holding out the water. “Here, take this, I know it’s hot out. I’m sorry you keep having to come out here for all these. You’d think he’d take the hint.”

“Oh nonsense honey, I don’t mind at all! It’s actually quite heartwarming.” She took the water, offering you a warm smile.

“Heartwarming?”

“To see young love so strong. Most people these days just give up and move on. He’s persistent.” Mary gave you a look that was laced with meaning, like she was trying to convince you of something. But she let it go quickly, sensing she may have gone too far.. “Well, I’ve got more deliveries to make. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you soon.”

You waved as she got back into the delivery van and pulled out of the driveway. Pulling the door behind you, you carried the bouquet in and sat it amongst the others, her words ringing in your ears.

Persistent. That was one word for it. Guilty might be more fitting.

It’d been a week since your argument, and you were still wrestling with the whole thing. The fact that you could play the entire thing back, word for word in your mind, wasn’t helping anything.

-----

“You can’t keep doing this,” Ethan said, leaning back against the couch. The fact that he was being callous about it wasn’t helping matters in the slightest.

“The hell I can’t. Don’t try and put this on me Ethan, don’t you fucking dare.”

“What the hell did you want me to do?” He snapped back.

“Just fucking tell me. That’s literally all I ever ask for you to do, and you just keep hiding shit from me!”

“I’m not hiding anything, you’re just paranoid.”

Wrong answer.

“Oh, okay, you’re right. Yeah, just paranoid. Well, hope you don’t mind, I’m gonna go spend the whole day with my ex. Oh wait, shit, shouldn’t have said that, too much information for you.” You spat the words, the anger you’d been holding in finally bubbling to the surface.

“We were filming, it’s for work.” His tone was short, anger escalating.

“I understand that. But you could have at least told me that’s what you were doing, instead of some vague ‘oh I’m just filming a collab’ bullshit. Don’t treat me like I’m stupid.”

“I don’t tell you shit because you always react like this! Everything I do makes you pissed at me!” Ethan said, exasperated.

“No, I react like this because you don’t tell me in the first place! You never ask me if I’m okay with anything-”

“I shouldn’t have to!” He was yelling now, something he never did. He knew how you got when people raised their voices, knew how it made you feel. “You don’t get to control my life! I’m my own fucking person!”

“Control your life...” you breathed it out, shaking your head in disbelief. “Right. I control you. I control you, but I’m the one who can’t ever post a picture with my boyfriend, can’t post a snapchat because people might realize that we’re together, can’t go out without telling you where I’m gonna be. Can’t have my clothes in your closet in case it’s in the back of a video, can’t leave our room when you’re filming in case my fucking reflection or the sound of my footsteps end up in shot. I can’t hold my own boyfriend’s hand in public, I can’t go on a date without security there. But you’re right, I’m the controlling one.” The tears were coming now, and Ethan’s eyes were wide. You made it a point to never complain about the things that life with him entailed - it was always worth it. But right now, you let them fly. You wanted him to know, to realize, to fucking appreciate exactly what you did every day, just for him. Maybe it would make him understand why you were so upset.

“I-” He started, but you cut him off.

“I give up so many little things, every fucking day, and I do it for you. And I ask you for one fucking thing - just to give me the respect of telling me when you’re gonna be around your ex for work, and you can’t even give me that. Just one fucking thing Ethan, that’s all.”

“You knew what you signed up for when you decided to date me.”

You weren’t sure what response you were expecting, you weren’t even sure what response you wanted. All you knew were his conceited words were the final straw.

“Yeah. I guess I did.”

-----

When you came back out of the memory, you were gripping the flowers so hard you were surprised you hadn’t broken the vase they were in. With a deep breath you went to the counter, scooting another vase to the side to make room for the new ones.

You pulled the card from the small holder nestled amongst the flowers. Your name was scrawled on the outside of the envelope in Ethan’s handwriting.

You never thought that handwriting could make your heart hurt. With delicate fingers you pulled it open, fishing out the tiny card provided by the florist shop.

I never thanked you enough for everything you gave up for me. I’m sorry. I love you more.

The tears were instantaneous, just like they were every time you opened one of the notes. They were all gathered in a little pile by one of your candles, each one a small declaration from Ethan.

I fucked up.

I can’t imagine my life without you. Please call me back.

Please give me a chance to make it up to you.

I miss you so fucking much.

But it didn’t matter what he said - each one ended with the same four words, and that’s what brought the tears every time without fail.

I love you more.

You could remember the first time he’d said it. Toes in the sand at the end of a picnic blanket on the beach, fire behind you keeping you warm as you watched the waves crash. His arm had been around your shoulder, you were leaning into his chest. And you said I love you to him for the first time.

And he’d responded with ‘I love you more’, as if that was the only correct response.

“What?” You’d asked.

“Well, you love me. Take that and add just a little more, and that’s what I feel for you. So, I love you more.” He explained it as though it was common sense.

And it had become the most unplanned little trademark in your relationship that you cherished more than you realized. Every time you said I love you, that was his response. When you were leaving for the day, when he made a stupid joke, cuddling in bed, after sex, when you were done singing terribly in the car.

He never missed one, never forgot.

You were realizing now that you’d taken advantage of what it really felt like to be loved like that.

“Fuck,” you muttered to yourself, wiping at your eyes. You’d cried too much over the last few days, not having enough distractions to keep the memories and thoughts at bay. You couldn’t even use your phone - the missed calls and texts were too tempting to respond to. You needed to hold strong, and really think about everything when you were rational enough to figure out what you wanted to do.

It wasn’t that you didn’t love Ethan anymore - you’d always love him. In fact, it was that maybe you loved him too much. Maybe you were giving up too much to fit your life into his. You wanted the simple things, the little things in your relationship. You wanted to go get ice cream with him on friday nights, hold his hand while you shopped, post stupid instagram stories and snapchats. You wanted to be able to talk to your friends about your own boyfriend and not be afraid that they might be using you to get information to sell to tabloids. They were little things, but they were still part of the ideal relationship you always dreamed about having.

And you knew that Ethan did it to protect you. He didn’t want fans harassing you any more than they already did, didn’t want you in danger. You’d been around for the stalker, and he’d almost broken it off right then for your own safety. But you’d stayed, and you’d followed his rules and you’d given it all up.

You did what you had to, but you never really thought about how it made you feel. Were you being selfish? Maybe. But part of you needed to be - you were bad about putting other people’s problems in front of yours, pushing down what you wanted, what you needed, in order to appease everybody else.

So as badly as you wanted to, you didn’t call him. You didn’t text him, you didn’t facetime him. You put your phone in a bag with a towel and some sunscreen, changing into a bathing suit and heading out to enjoy some California sunshine.

The pool in your neighborhood wasn’t as nice as the one at the boys house, but it would do the trick. It was part of the reason you’d decided to rent the place, but you’d only used it a few times. In fact, you might as well have given up your lease for the last 6 months anyways - you were rarely anywhere but Ethan’s.

Maybe that was it. Maybe you just needed some time to yourself, to figure out how you’d changed over the last year of your relationship, figure out who you were when you weren’t with him. Either way, you were going to have to talk to him about everything eventually - and you needed to get your mind settled on exactly what you wanted before you said anything.

You laid out on one of the lounges, closing your eyes and trying to relax. But the images wouldn’t stop rolling behind your eyelids, like a slideshow of all the best things you never wanted to forget.

And Ethan was in every single one of them. It didn’t matter how hard you tried - anything worth remembering and reliving had him written all over it. Your road trip across the US, he was right there in the passenger seat. The fourth of july when you’d gone camping and set off fireworks - he was the one with the lighter. The first time you’d caught a wave surfing, he was the first thing you saw when you turned back, arms raised high as he cheered you on, loud enough for the whole beach to hear.

This was going to be harder than you thought.

You fought within your mind for a few more hours, reaching farther back, back before you’d met Ethan, trying to find memories. It worked for a little bit - some trips you took when you were younger, late nights with old friends. You were finally getting the hang of it when someone tapped you on the shoulder.

“Uh, ma’am? Sorry, but you’ve gotta leave.” You opened your eyes, blinking up at the boy who’d tapped you. He was a young teenager, you could tell, and after spotting his whistle and red shorts you realized it was the lifeguard. “There’s a storm coming in, supposed to be pretty bad,” he added.

“Oh. Okay, yeah, sorry,” you mumbled, trying to orient yourself again. As you packed up your things, you looked up to see a rolling dark cloud coming in above your building. It was rare that it even rained in LA, much less stormed.

Guess your mood really could bring the weather.

You went back to your house, assaulted by the smell of the flowers after being out of the room for so long, and changed into shorts and a tank top. You couldn’t tell if it was getting darker from the sun going down or from the storm. Either way, you decided it was time for dinner - cooking would keep you occupied enough.

You pulled up an intricate recipe, one you knew would take a lot of focus and time, writing down the instructions so you could pull up Netflix on your phone and watch a few episodes of your favorite show. The more things on your mind, the less space for Ethan to creep in.

The method worked, and you moved around the kitchen, cutting up herbs and mincing garlic, enjoying the process and the relief from your thoughts. You frowned when you looked over the tops of the flowers on the counter - the sky outside was so dark that it could have been midnight. You paused, heading over to the doors.

As soon as you opened them, you realized that the storm was going to be a bad one. The wind was whipping, and the temperature had dropped at least 20 degrees, causing goosebumps to rise on your arms. You’d never seen a storm come through LA like that.

“Damn,” you muttered, closing the door and locking it before heading back inside to finish up your dinner. Even over the sound of your show and the air conditioning, you could hear the wind outside. Eventually it even began to thunder - you didn’t mind. Storms were always your favorite weather.

You know who didn’t love storms? Ethan. He hated them. You were hit with another memory, from when you’d flown home to New Jersey with him. A storm had rolled through, with harsh winds and hail, and he’d clung to you through the whole thing, making sure you stayed at his side and away from the windows. He couldn’t sleep that night, and you’d stayed up with him watching harry potter to keep his mind off of things.

He wasn’t going to be doing well during this storm, that was for sure. You were overwhelmed suddenly with the thought of him alone in the house, curled up on the couch under a blanket. Just the thought of it made you sick to your stomach - you hated seeing him upset.

Before you could dwell on it any longer, you were suddenly surrounded in darkness.

‘What the fuck?” You moved to the light switch, testing it.

The storm had knocked the power out. Lovely.

“Well... pb&j it is then,” you sighed to yourself, turning off the burners on the stove and abandoning your dinner plans that definitely required electricity. It was like the universe was playing some sick joke - oh you wanna ignore your problems and distract yourself? Nice try.

With a lost appetite and nothing else to do, you retired to the couch, deciding to just keep watching netflix as the storm rolled outside. You expected it to blow over, but even after two episodes it was still raging outside. It sounded a bit like your house was going to come apart at the seams.

Trying to ignore it, you kept watching, dismissing your phone’s notifications of 20, then 10 percent battery. You were sure the power would be back on soon anyhow and you could charge it.

And then everything happened very quickly after that.

It started with a text from your best friend. You swiped down so you could read it.

have you checked twitter? wtf is going on

You frowned at that, exiting out of your texts and opening the app. You didn’t get on often - usually it was just slander, but occasionally you would check to see what was going on in the world. And even though it had been a while, your notifications were much, much higher than usual.

It only took a second for you to realize why. The article had been sent to you at least a dozen times, all with messages of concern attached. But you couldn’t read any of them - all you could see was the TMZ headline.

Dolan Twin involved in major LA crash, scene shut down

And right below it was an image of a mangled white tesla, upside down on the side of the road.

You couldn’t breathe. That was Ethan’s car. Ethan was in that car.

“Oh no, oh no no no no,” you groaned, immediately closing out and going to your contacts. He was the first one on the list of recents, and you immediately clicked to call him.

The dial tone came through three times before the call disconnected.

“Fuck, fuck fuck fuck,” you cried, going to your text messages.

are you okay? was all you had typed, and then your screen went black.

Your phone was dead.

“FUCK!” you yelled, panic overriding everything else. In the back of your mind you knew that you had a power bank somewhere that you could charge your phone off of, but the thought of looking for it wasn’t even feasible.

By the time you found it, you could be halfway to their house.

Without another thought you ran to the table by the door, grabbed your keys and sprinted to your car.

The rain was coming down in sideways sheets, droplets stinging against your bare skin as they hit. Even though your car was right outside, you were soaked by the time you threw the driver’s door open and climbed inside.

You fumbled with the keys, trying to start the car, hands shaking. You were a mess. It wasn’t going to do you any good to get to try to get to their house if you didn’t make it there yourself.

“Okay breathe Y/N, breathe,” you mumbled, turning the key and starting to back out of the driveway. The rain was relentless, your wipers going as fast as they could on the highest setting as you started down the road. You drove painfully slow, lucky to find that there were very few people out on the roads. You could hardly see in front of you at all.

In the back of your mind, you weren’t even sure why you were going to the house. He wouldn’t be there. Maybe Grayson was there. Grayson would know what to do.

The drive that usually took 10 minutes took 20 this time - you couldn’t go over 25 without losing your visibility entirely. Your heartbeat was through the roof the whole drive, and you were blinking the panicked tears away as they came so you could see. Both hands were gripping the wheel so tight your knuckles were white until you got to the house. You pulled up to the small box that unlocked the gate, typing in the code without thinking.

The power was out. The gate wasn’t going to open.

“Fuck!” You yelled again, still panicking. In a moment of insight, you remembered something. When they’d installed the gate, you’d been there to help supervise, and the installer had shown you all something.

“There’s a reset code that will activate the battery pack in here. In case you ever get locked out, or there’s no power. Just type it in and then type in your usual code and it should open right up.”

“Shit, shit shit,” you mumbled, reaching out the window and trying to remember the code, remembering the numbers but not the order. 6736. No. 3766. No dice. 7663. Nothing. Finally, you tried again. 7636. The buttons lit up blue, signaling you’d done something right.

You quickly typed in the code, letting out the breath you’d been holding when the gates began to swing open. You rolled up your window and pulled up the driveway, throwing your car in park and climbing out immediately into the rain.

And to your confusion, the driveway was full. The Porsche was parked in it’s usual spot, the Bronco behind it. Ethan’s Jeep was to the side, and there right in front of you was the Tesla, in perfect condition, parked and waiting.

“What-”

“Y/N? What the fuck? What’re you doing?”

When you turned at the voice, you could have fallen to your knees right there in the rain.

Standing outside the front door, still under the stoop and protected from the rain was Ethan, whole and unharmed.

Every doubt you’d had, every question you’d asked yourself about what you wanted and what you needed over the last few days was suddenly irrelevant. None of it mattered. You’d do anything, you’d do everything for him. There wasn’t a single fiber of your being that questioned it anymore. He was the only man you were ever going to love, and you’d been dumb to think otherwise, even for a second. You were meant to be with him, and that was the end of the story.

You ran straight for him, dropping your keys on the way and barreling into his arms. He caught you, the force of it almost knocking him off his feet.

“Hey, hey what’s wrong, what’s goin’ on?” He carried you inside, into the dark, and it wasn’t until you were out of the wind and the rain that you realized that you were sobbing. You could hear the gasps coming from you, like they were being ripped out with hooks. You knew you were scaring the shit out of him, but you couldn’t get enough of a breath to even say anything. All you could do was cling to him, relish in the reassurance of having him there with you, perfectly fine and alive and safe. You buried your face in his shoulder, breathing him in as best you could through your gasps.

He seemed to realize that you were incapable of speaking, so he sat down on the couch, you in his lap pressed to him as tightly as you could be. He wrapped his arms around your back, squeezing you to him in the most blissful way as the sobs continued, rough and ragged.

“Sweetheart, you’re shakin’ like a leaf. You must be freezing,” he mumbled, grabbing a blanket off the back of the couch and wrapping it around your back. You were still soaking wet, and you knew that the water would probably ruin it, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Are you hurt? Baby please - talk to me.” He pulled back just enough to look at your face, and even just that tiny loss of contact was excruciating.

“Are you hurt?” He repeated, some of the worry leaving his eyes when you shook your head no. “Then what is it? What’s wrong?”

“I saw an a-a-article, and I t-thought-” you couldn’t get the rest of the sentence out, you just broke down again.

“I saw it too. They already took it down, and their asses are getting sued,” Ethan said, a bitterness in his tone that you weren’t used to.

“I thought it was your car, I thought it was y-y-you,” you stuttered, burying your face in his neck.

“I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you call?”

“I tried- it disconnected.”

“I was probably on the phone with the lawyer,” he mumbled his explanation, still unsure. “But hey, I’m okay, I didn’t even leave the house today. I’m safe, and I’m here. I’m right here.”

“Yeah,” you whimpered, the tears still coming.

“Tell me what to do, tell me how to help,” he pleaded, obviously at a loss. He’d always told you he hated seeing you upset, even a little bit.

“Just hold me, please,” you asked, feeling vulnerable but knowing it was what you needed.

“Okay. Okay.”

He wrapped his arms around you even tighter, pressing you into his chest. His arms were strong and stable as they coiled around your waist. You focused on the feeling of them around you, holding you steady as he rocked side to side, so subtle that you weren’t even sure that he realized he was doing it. You breathed him in, the smell a mixture of his skin and his deodorant and the ghost of the cologne you knew he’d put on that morning. It was the most grounding thing you could find besides his voice in your ear, whispering sweet reassurances.

It took a few minutes, but you were able to breathe again, body finally processing out your adrenaline and allowing you to stop shaking. He didn’t let go, even when the tears had ceased - he kept his hold, leaning his head against yours, pressing kisses to your temple, your neck, your shoulder.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” you whispered when you got to the point where you could trust your voice, sitting up and taking a deep breath.

“Me and smooth cat are just fine,” he said, and you couldn’t help but laugh. It was the first time you’d laughed in a week, and it felt almost foreign.

“There’s that smile I’ve been looking for.” Ethan breathed out a sigh of relief, reaching up to wipe your tears. When he did, you laid your cheek in his palm, so thankful for the feeling of his skin on yours.

“I’m sorry you thought I died. But I’m really fucking glad you’re here,” he admitted, staring at you, eyes tracing the features of your face in the candlelight. You’d barely even noticed they were burning, giving off just enough light for you to see each other.

“I’m glad I’m here too,” you smiled. You couldn’t believe you’d ever thought you could live without him.

“Did you get my flowers?”

“Which ones? The first bouquet or the 15th?” You teased.

He blushed at that, cheeks turning your favorite shade of pink. “I went a little overboard huh.”

“I made friends with the flower delivery lady,” you shrugged.

“Of course you did,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “I missed you so much, you have no idea.”

“I missed you too. I missed us,” you sighed.

“Does that mean... does that mean we’re okay then?” He asked it nervously, obviously scared of what you would say.

You watched the relief cross his face when you smiled. “Yeah. We’re okay.”

“Oh thank god,” he said, hugging you to him again. The blanket fell off your shoulders and you shivered as the cold air hit your skin again. You weren’t dripping wet anymore, but you were still damp, the occasional droplet falling from your hair and onto Ethan’s shirt.

“Well in that case, let’s get you warmed up huh? And get you away from these windows.”

You let him carry you to his room, past his bed and into the bathroom where he sat you down and started running a bath and lighting the candles he always kept on the sides of the tub for you. It was as easy as breathing to undress and climb into the water, feeling it warm you up from head to toe. Though the most relaxing part was when Ethan climbed in behind you, leaning you back gently so you were resting on his chest.

And when you rolled over just slightly so you could look at him and tell him that you loved him, you knew exactly what he was going to say. The words were so much sweeter falling from his lips than they had been when they were on paper.

“I love you more.”

#two imagines in two days???? a bitch CREATIVE #hope you all like the angst #i did my best #now i want it to storm haha #lynds writes #ethan imagine #ethan imagines #ethan dolan #ethan dolan imagines #dolan twins #dolan twins imagines

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