#(the butter is expired anyway so it's probably for the best)

[ddarker-dreams]

referring to the burnt piece of toast feitan gave you as a 'girl dinner' much to his perplexment. he assumes it's an insult by default and takes away the tub of butter he was so generously going to bestow upon you like fine ambrosia from the heavens.

[no-see-um-incorrect]

How I think the Yuurivoice boys and their listeners would be grocery shopping 

A little backstory I grew up, broke as fuck (still am) and my mom taught me how to get the most groceries to feed the most people with what you have. So let’s see how the Yuurivoice boys are when it comes to grocery shopping 

Auron/Rook

Man is literally rich 

he doesn’t budget. He just goes to the grocery store (let’s face it it’s probably Whole Foods) gets what he wants and leaves. If Rook lives with him it’s not that different they just get more stuff.  but he’s very particular on things that he buys. 

Not the price on anything like that no  he will sit there, staring at two packages of essentially the same butter  for like 15 minutes. And when rook asks what he’s doing.  he gives the excuse of.

“well, if it’s going to take up room in my fridge need to make sure it’s worth the space” 

My man, it is the same butter in a different packaging. 2/10

Lucien/angel 

Lucien is like a child in the grocery store. He wants to touch everything he wants to look at everything he wants to get everything.

And unless it’s with like serious stuff Lucien doesn’t really know how to take no for an answer so somethings he actually succeeds in convincing Angel to get him when he wants.

angel has the problem of going to the grocery store when hungry. Causing them to buy a lot of extra snack things (that Lucien will just end up eating in one sitting anyway)

Lucien obviously gets a lot of looks when he goes grocery shopping by himself because 

I mean, he’s a big red demon with horns and a tail  it’s kind of hard not to stare. But the people at the local grocery store that they frequent kind of just accepted that that’s how he looks and he’s actually quite friendly with them. 5/10

Charlie/Casper 

(I am totally not biased because I kin Charlie  and because he’s my favorite I don’t know why you’d think that)

Charlie by himself is absolute Ass at shopping 

But when he goes with Casper, they’re the best duo for shopping. It’s like a game. One day out of the last week of the month when they both have the day off is when they go grocery shopping. 

Step one: wake up early in the morning, clear out all of the cabinets and the refrigerator of expired or uneaten food

Step two: use the rest of the afternoon to carve out a budget and a shopping list as well as a “reward budget”

(the reward budget is used to reward them if they go under budget and get all the groceries under the time limit that they set themselves)

Step three: night time.  one hour and 20 minutes before the store closes. Charlie sits in the cart with the grocery shopping list as well as a chart with the number of isles, and what is in each aisle. They have one hour to complete their grocery shopping.  if they complete it under the hour, they can use the rest of the remaining time and the reward fund.  check out the last 20 minutes. 

Absolute best at grocery shopping 10/10

Seth/scout 

These two both are a little dumb when it comes to grocery shopping. But they get the job done 

They eat a lot of the same things so they’ll get all of the ingredients they need or mixes they need in bulk  like

Bulk pancake mix, a pack of three jugs of milk(thank you Costco), a pack of salad mixes.

Unless Seth has a big meal planned or they’re going camping or they’re having guests over they mostly just get prepackaged things that are easy to whip up. overall pretty good at staying on budget and sticking to the list  7/10

Alphonse/boo 

Alphonse usually does the grocery shopping but when they go together  they do OK  decent is the word I would use to describe it. You see alphonse also has the problem of going to the grocery store hungry and boo Has to be the voice of reason. 

Sometimes Alphonse likes to forget that he has a candy shop so boo will look away for one minute and then he’s just gone. Boo will eventually find him in the candy aisle, comparing prices of taffy only to be reminded that he owns a candy shop.

Boo is not that much better…… they go in the baking aisle, and they will marvel over the new sprinkles or new piping tips  until Alphonse inevitably makes a dirty baking joke, and then they get their minds back on track.

Not the best for time, but not the worst when it comes to staying on budget and getting what they need 8/10

Faust/star 

I am convinced these two don’t know what a grocery store is. Once again, he’s rich. he just orders food.  I don’t think he knows how to cook either.  so they just order food.  all the time. and it’s a very particular order to.  not to mention someone who looks like Faust is kind of hard to forget so most of the delivery drivers know him by name. 

One time they wanted pizza and Faust remembered seeing a guy talking to Auron in a Sweet Pete’s Pizza shirt,  so he ordered from there and he gets Charlie as a delivery boy 

Charlie: delivery from Sweet Pete’s pizzeria! I got a large cheese, and a-…….. oh my God…

Faust: well, if it isn’t my brothers little bitch boy

Charlie remembers this interaction very vividly and tends to avoid this address at all costs  

Overall 0/10 I think this man would vomit upon seeing a Walmart 

Finn /sunflower 

The only time that he really goes to the grocery store for big trips is during the winter and fall 

(he gets very overstimulated and anxious in grocery stores)

He grows a lot of the vegetables that he uses in his every day cooking  and buys a lot of other things like for baking or specific recipes in bulk specifically so he doesn’t have to go to the grocery store too often but when he does, it’s usually either in the winter time or an ingredients run/stock up 

 Him and sunflower will get ingredients to make certain baked goods and different tea blends  but he always seems to get distracted in the garden section. Sunflower hast to forcibly drag him out of the garden section…..it’s becoming a problem 

Sunflowers usually very productive with their shopping  but they often times get lost in the clothes section looking at stuff that Finn would look good in (provided that he doesn’t get it covered in dirt)

Overall, they’re pretty good at sticking to budget pretty good at sticking to their list  not that great on time (i’m not gonna hold it against them) 8/10

Hope you enjoyed  it’s really late when I’m posting this, but I wanted to give y’all a little something that wasn’t a shitpost. Have a good night stay hydrated eat a snack bye. 





[100dayproductivity]

Day 26/100.

I'm tired and lazy today. But I'll try and get motivated to continue my declutter project.

Next pantry shelf to tackle:

I know there's expired stuff at the back.

First layer: all stuff I use regularly. Couscous, rice, pasta and some cookies.

The tall blue wine gift box is what I keep long pasta in (linguine, spaghetti, fettuccine). I'm pleased with myself for having found a way to reuse the gift box. It's a bit too tatty to gift to someone else.

The empty peanut butter container is for rotini. I've recently started buying it from a bulk food store that opened near me (not Bulk Barn). I'd love to eventually get most of my staples from there, because I hate packaging waste. But they have so many nice things, it's a bit overwhelming. So right now I just get my couscous and rotini from there.

The couscous you see in the photo is not in its original container; I saved the container and then reused it for the bulk couscous.

Next layer:

Banana chips. I don't like banana chips, but my daughter does. But she tends to forget we have them. I need to put a small container of them on her desk so she can snack on them while doing homework.

A container labelled "cream of wheat" so I always think it's cream of wheat, but it's not cream of wheat. It's flour mixed with what smells like garlic powder, which I evidently batch-prepared for when I'm battering meat. How very efficient of me. Too bad my past self thinks my future self doesn't need labels. (Yep, we've gone over this before.) I need to label this properly, and then keep it together with the paprika-salt-garlic powder mixture I probably batch-prepared at the same time. And then I need to use them!

Chocolate syrup. My household doesn't consume chocolate syrup. I had to buy this for my daughter when she was taking a desert-making course over Zoom. She used about a half cup. The rest has been sitting there since. It's not that we don't like chocolate syrup, we just never think of having it. I need to buy some vanilla ice cream and whipped cream to give me a reason to consume this.

A container of chopped walnuts. I have no recollection of when or why I bought this. This will have to go in the compost.

A very nearly empty container of honey. I will use this up tonight in some tea. I've just added a bit of water to the container to dissolve it, it will be faster and easier than trying to scrape it out.

Low-dose aspirin. I must've got this as a freebie trial product or something because no one here needs a daily low-dose aspirin. I should probably throw it out but instead I'll keep it with the other painkillers. Might be good for period cramps.

Ok, we're on the last stretch.

Some cardboard boxes for holding six cans of beer. Not sure if I need these, but maybe I should keep them where I keep empties.

Woo, some fancy dip mixes! I sort of remember these. Only a little bit left of the, I think, onion-cheddar one. Chucked it. Box in recycling.

Lasagna noodles. I don't know why I always end up buying lasagna noodles. It's such a pain in the butt to make. But I guess I'll have to make some at some point to use up the noodles.

What are these? Flat wooden sticks. For ice cream? *Sigh* I don't know why I have these. Garbage, I guess.

I used to keep an emergency kit stocked with dry foods when my kids were really little. These meal packets are from that.

They are made specifically for camping or emergency kits, as they have a long shelf life and only need hot water added directly to the pouch to prepare them. It says they have a shelf life of 3-5 years, but they are best before dated 2013 😕 I'm tempted to open them up anyway and see if they're still edible though 😅 Maybe tomorrow.

Alright, so all that was left was an empty cardboard box, an empty plastic container and some plastic bags. I recycled those/stored them for reuse, and then I just had to clean up some spilled nachos and crumbs. Wiped everything down, put everything back, and here's what I have in there now.

So much space! 😮 WOW!

I'm pretty pleased with myself ☺️

I'm sooo tired though. Time to tea and read before bed.

[cyantomatos]

Drunk Words and Sober Thoughts

Pairing: Benny Miller x GN!Reader Word Count: 1.4k Warnings: Mention of alcohol/drinking, self deprecating thoughts Summary: After a night out with Benny, you have to face the consequences of your actions.

The sun streaming in your windows pulls you from sleep. You roll over and squint at your clock to see it's just after 8 in the morning, earlier than you expected to wake after such a late night. As you contemplate the time, your actions from the night before suddenly come flooding back, and you feel a pit form in your stomach.

You'd practically thrown yourself at your best friend, finally confident enough with just enough alcohol in your system to do something about your feelings, and it ended with him depositing you in bed. Alone, because sober you was right. He didn't want you.

Fighting the urge to curl up under your blanket and pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist you slide out of bed, intent on getting some food. You may not have gotten a hangover, but you were hungry. If you stayed in bed you were only going to mope, and food came first. You could mope later on a full stomach.

You stumbled to the door of your room, only to freeze at the sight that greets you. Benny was passed out on your couch, jeans discarded on the floor beside. He had one arm flung over his face, shielding his eyes from the bright sun leaking in from where your curtains had been left open.

He’d stayed. 

Why had he stayed?

Because he was a good friend. Even after you’d tried to fuck the friendship up, he still stayed to make sure you were ok.

It feels like there’s a hand wrapped around your heart, squeezing and squeezing tighter and tighter as pressure builds behind your eyes. You’d fucked everything up, he was going to wake up and try to act like nothing had happened, but it had, it had happened, and you’d fucked up and- 

You pivot away towards the kitchen, jaw clenched. You can’t fall apart, not until he leaves.

Cooking will help. You can cook breakfast, try to make it up to him, and then get him out of your apartment so you can wallow properly in peace.

Breakfast also distracts you, almost makes you forget about who is passed out on your couch. You’re quiet, hissing in annoyance when the pans clank together louder than you’d like - although it’s not like it would wake Benny up anyway. That man could sleep through the second coming of Christ, trumpets and all.

When you’re done - two plates of decent scrambled eggs and bacon and hashbrowns and no closer to feeling any better about the events of the night before - you finally look over at him again. That pit begins to form in your stomach again, and you can feel a cold panic creeping up your spine at the thought of facing him after last night.

Before you can overthink it again you close the distance to the couch, nudging at Benny’s shoulder until you get a muffled grunt in response. “Food.”

You’re straightened up and halfway across the room before he can get his eyes focused. You hear him stumble up behind you, still half asleep, as you spread butter across the toast that just popped up. He’s quiet for a moment, probably blinking sleep away, and then you hear him murmur your name.

You turn, managing to avoid looking at him as you set a piece of toast on each plate and turn towards the fridge. “What do you want to drink? I think I have some juice that’s still good if you want.” You crouch to dig through your fridge, ignoring the sound of Benny saying your name again, this time without as much sleep clinging to the word.

When you stand, half-empty bottle of thankfully not expired apple juice in your hand and try to turn away from him again, he wraps a hand around your arm to get you to stop. “Hey, stop. Just stop for a sec.”

You freeze, fighting the panicked feeling building in your chest. He’s upset, he wants to talk about last night and he’s going to leave and you’re going to be alone again and-

You tilt your head, ignoring the never-ending stream of panicked thoughts swirling in your brain, still not quite looking at him. “What?”

He’s silent for a moment, and you can feel him studying you. It hurts, the way you know exactly what face he’s making without even looking up. “Why are you acting so weird? Last night-”

Before he can finish the sentence you twist away, pulling your arm out of his grasp. “It’s fine, Ben, we don’t have to talk about last night.” You reach for a glass from the cupboard, praying he doesn’t see the way your hands shake as you set it on the counter. “I shouldn’t have…I was drunk, I shouldn’t have-” You cut off, taking a deep breath as you try to pour the juice. Panic creeps up your spine, tightening your chest and digging the pit deeper in your stomach. “It’s fine. Thank you for staying. Especially after…how I acted.” 

Despite your best efforts to shut the conversation down you feel him crowd up behind you, one hand on your arm gently turning you to face him. “What do you think happened last night?”

You sigh, closing your eyes and hugging the bottle of juice to your chest with your free arm like it can protect you. You don’t understand why he won’t just let it go, it’s not like him to drag out something that you clearly don’t want to talk about. “Benny, can we not-”

The hand gripping your arm slides down into your own hand, cutting you off before you can finish. ���Please? Just tell me what you remember.”

For a moment you consider refusing, unwilling to relive your mistakes from the night before. But you know he’ll just keep pushing, so you take a deep breath. “We went out with the guys to celebrate you winning that big match, and I got really drunk, so you got us an Uber to make sure I got home okay.” You can feel shame curling in your chest as you recount the events from the night before. “I…tried to kiss you, and you pushed me away.” 

There’s a beat of silence, and then he speaks again. “That’s it? You don’t remember what I said?”

For the first time, something other than panic or shame flares up. You don’t know if he’s being cruel on purpose, but anger starts to color your words as you respond. “No, Benjamin, I don’t remember the exact wording of how my best friend rejected me when I drunkenly made a pass at him. My apologies for-” 

His hand slips out of yours, moving up to grab your shoulder. “Hey, hey, that’s not what I meant. What I said matters.” When you don’t respond he lets out a huff, hand sliding up to cup the side of your neck. “Would you please just look at me?”

A moment passes as you mentally gather your emotions up, trying to keep yourself from a full breakdown. Once you’re reasonably sure you won’t burst into tears if you open your eyes you look up, mentally swearing at the way you have to blink tears away anyway as you make eye contact with him. He looks worried, big blue eyes trained on your face and swimming with emotions. The hand that isn’t on your neck comes up to grip your opposite arm like he’s afraid you’ll bolt if he doesn’t hold you there.

“I told you no because you were drunk. I wasn’t going to let you make a decision like that when you were drunk, it wouldn’t have been right. I had no way of knowing if that’s actually what you wanted.” You scoff, gaze sliding away from him as you immediately try to pull out of his grip, but his next words stop you cold. “If you’d asked me sober, I would have said yes.”

You freeze, and it feels like he’s pulled the stable ground out from beneath your feet as you struggle to process his words. Your eyes dart back to his, silently asking if he means what you think he does. The small, almost shy smile that begins to spread across his face is answer enough

All the fight you’d been so determined to keep hold of melts away, and you find yourself unable to process a response. “What?”

His smile widens, brighter than any of the morning sun streaming in through your windows. “I would have said yes if you were sober. In a heartbeat.” He leans forward, forehead coming to rest against yours, crowding in until he’s the only thing you can feel or see or hear. 

“Ask me again.”

Taglist: @knivesareout​ @writeforfandoms​ @gorgeousgrogu​ @leto-duke​ @xoxabs88xox​ @kirsteng42​ @hauntedmama​

Join my taglist here

[erros429]

headcanons for team rwby?

SO GLAD YOU ASKED ANON!!

lets start with ruby:

she/they ace lesbian

despite always being kicked out of the kitchen for overcooking everything because her mind can’t conceptualize how the fuck a frying pan works, she’s an EXCELLENT baker. give her an oven and she’ll win the great british baking show EASY

we all know most of her interests stem from her admiration of qrow, but the way she can make a plan off the top of her head is exactly the same as summer (because i say so). and her determination to flip a bad situation onto its head definitely comes from being tai’s daughter

ruby is definitely not stupid or naive, but it’s her lack of effort in the boring subjects in school that bring her grades down. pls try to point someone out to me who can make a scythe gun at 15 and tell me they’re an idiot

actually isn’t very good at action video games. she prefers the puzzle-y type ones, but since she’s grown up playing with yang, she kinda had to.

a master at manipulation. if she REALLLLY wants something, she throws on the doe-eyed look and pouts until her victim cracks. 99% success rate, probably going to be how they defeat salem

wants to be the uncle qrow type of aunt to yang and blake’s kids, but you know… without the alcoholism

weiss:

she/they demisexual lesbian

weiss’s gay awakening was pyrrha 100% — she is a little concerned about her thing for redheads (pyrrha, ruby, penny, probably nora)

allergic to peanuts. learned this the hard way when she was trying one of ruby’s peanut butter sandwiches (weiss very begrudgingly tried it, she was worried she’d get crumbs all over herself)

once found out she and jaune liked one of the same shows and then she immediately began to dislike it. even tried to have the show canceled just to spite him. later on when she’s finally started thinking of him as a respected friend, they have some fun discussions about it

always smells ridiculously good without even trying. seriously, she could go a month without showering and she’d still smell like the finest perfume bottle in existence

weiss adopted a lot of the same mannerisms as klein, like placing her hands behind her back, giving people food from the cafeteria after-hours, and speaking uncharacteristically softly when she sees someone hurt

despite wanting to use her abilities as a huntress to better the schnee name, she’s still extremely business-minded, and it sometimes shows in her daily interactions with people.

blake:

nonbinary bisexual

ilia was blake’s first kiss (stole this hc from @/technicallyblakebelladonna from a comment on one of my old posts, sorry!! i loved it way too much) childhood catmeleon my beloved

lactose intolerant, but consumes dairy anyway because if she can be an ex-white fang member and say “fuck society’s system” then she can say “fuck my digestive system” too

gossips with ren. all the time. they are actually besties. they both love observing people and they’re ridiculously good secret-keepers, so they just dish out all the drama to each other and trust that neither one of them will tell anyone else

hates the enemies to lovers trope. much prefers best friends to lovers

wraps herself into a blanket burrito when she sleeps, unless it’s really hot — then she curls up into a ball, hugging her knees into her chest

very very picky eater, maybe even worse than weiss. she doesn’t have a particularly refined pallet, but she’ll take an hour eating her meals just because she’s trying to individually remove pieces from her food that she doesn’t like

yang:

she/her trans lesbian

used to curse a LOT but when she realizes ruby’s been saying fuck at the ripe old age of 12, she kicks the habit.

the best cook. idgaf what crwby says. she is a homebody. she also loves gardening!

when yang came out as trans, she wanted to have a gender reveal party because she thought it’d be funny.

doesn’t believe in expiration dates until she learns the hard way. she’ll never forget the time she spent an entire week just throwing up.

her sneezes are explosively loud. honestly, everyone around her is convinced that she’ll spout fucking fire from her nose or cause a mini-earthquake one day

learned guitar from tai, but hasn’t done it in over five years. when she lost her arm, she’d stare mournfully at it as it collected dust in the corner of her room, and she tried to pick it back up for a bit after she got her prosthetic

team dynamics:

in beacon, ruby and blake formed a secret little book club after bonding about it one night because they know weiss will just throw really informative nonfiction books at them and yang won’t be interested in the first place.

the only one out of the team that actually drinks is blake. yang and ruby have had bad experiences with qrow’s alcoholism and weiss with her mom’s.

during the beacon days, yang forced weiss to play fuck-marry-kill their teachers (but it’s kiss-marry-kill bc weiss insisted she wouldn’t play if fucking was part of the equation). weiss reluctantly said she’d marry ozpin and yang has never let it go.

in atlas, ruby forces them all to make a pillow fort to parallel their time at beacon. but really it’s an excuse to use yang’s ridiculous body heat to get through the night.

none of the teammates comment on blake’s shower singing because they’re scared she’ll stop if they do

weiss and blake both have ridiculously long skincare routines before bed. yang and ruby secretly keep score of who takes longer every night

similarly, weiss and yang both take ridiculously long in the shower (weiss because she’s scared of having so much as a speck of dirt on herself, and yang because shampooing her hair takes forever and a day). blake and ruby secretly keep score of who takes longer every morning

weiss and ruby bond over NEEDING to pop all the bubbles on bubble-wrap

to get revenge on yang drawing mustaches on them while they’re sleeping, the rest of the team bands together to completely vandalize her face one night. ever since, she’s never been the first to sleep

the team becomes so accustomed to each other, they can all tell their footsteps apart. ruby’s feet slide a bit against the floor, weiss’s basically dance, blake’s are nearly soundless, and yang’s are heavy-footed and make the floor creak

when blake and yang start dating, they’re so fucking insufferable, weiss is certain she’ll have a stroke. at one point, she thinks she’s finally gotten used to them constantly touching each other or looking at each other for prolonged periods of time, but then she’ll catch them making out on her bed, and she decides to just throw the entire mattress away.

weiss is touch-starved (nobody’s surprised) but ruby gives her the best tackle-hugs to make up for the years lost

[povcherry]

The Love Test | DNF

Dream and George take a test to see if they are in love with their best friend

The intense red text was prominent on his screen. Frustratingly, the one time Dream agrees to playing bedwars with George and Hypixel is down.

Dream lent back in his chair, hands behind his head staring up at the ceiling. His room was dark, the only light shone from his monitors. Patches wrapped around his legs. A deep sigh left George, as he lay his head on his desk in exasperation, an empty subway wrapper by his face, the time on his monitor read 2:17 am, yet he wasn't tired. After being on calls almost consecutively with Dream for essentially a year, he had managed to sync his sleep schedule up with him, already in Florida time prepared for when he goes to live with Dream and Sapnap.

George was disheartened. He was looking forward to playing with Dream. They were both normally either too tired or busy editing or working to go on minecraft for fun, and not just for a YouTube video. But now that they couldn't play bedwars, they were bored and unsure of what to do. They only called each other so that they could play minecraft, but that wasn't an option anymore.

"What do you want to do now then?" Dream asks, his voice far away from the mic, so much so that George nearly missed what he said. He hesitated, staring at Dreams discord profile picture light up.

"We could..." He stalled, drawing out his words. He wasn't the best at making decisions, he was much to indecisive. "Do you want to stream GeoGuessr?" He suggested, silently hoping Dream would say no. He didn't really want to do anything, only talk to Dream for hours on end.

"Not really. My brain is too slow for that level of concentration." That earned a giggle from George, putting a small smile on Dreams face. He loved that sound. "How about we go in my merch vc? Me and ni- Sapnap had fun last time just listening to music?"

George was hesitant. The last time he went in Dreams merch voice call was during the sleep over with Sapnap and Dream. That ended up in a disaster of butterflies and George having to turn his phone off for a couple of hours just to distract himself from the 'dreamnotfound' mayhem they had caused yet again on twitter. He felt giddy just thinking about it, Dream whispering into the mic, loudly cursing when George beat him at 8ball. It made him dizzy thinking about it... thinking about him.

George didn't hate it though- the attention from Dream and the fans. Despite all the jokes and innuendos that they both do to mess with their fans, George knew there was some truth to it all. A deeper meaning to being called an idiot. The endearing term that Dream loved to use oh so much. George felt fluttery, wanting to be called an idiot at this moment.

"George?" He had been silent for a while, reminiscing.

"What would we do on there?"

"Just talk. Or listen to music. Whatever you want to do, George".

Without thinking, George clicked onto the icon for Dreams server. "Do you need to add me to the call?" He asked, unsure about how the podcasts worked.

"Yeah, I need to quickly tell my mods to open it first."

Within minutes, they where in the call, hundreds of people pouring in immediately, spamming the chat with things like 'GEORGE?!' and blue and green hearts. George stifled a giggle, nerves taking over him. Despite doing streams for a living with tens of thousands of people watching him, there was something more intimate with calling Dream in a private server.

"Hello" Dream broke the silence, welcoming all the fans. He chuckled, looking at the chat, "Yes, George is here today. Hypixel was down and we had nothing to do"

"Hi" George was unsure what to say, scratching his neck in awkwardness. It wasn't this weird when he was streaming. At least then they had a plan and chat was relatively easy to read. He was doubtful that this call would end well, what with his ignorance to some innuendos and jokes involving DreamNotfound.

"We thought we would just pop on here. We're kind of bored." Dream stated, unable to see what people where spamming in the #podcast chat. "I can't see what you guys are saying, i'll probably just read my twitch chat."

Half an hour passed and George was getting hungry and bored, nothing eventful had really happened so far except for Dream explaining his setup and chat freaking out over his galaxy mouse pad.

"I want food but all that's in my fridge is butter... oh and the BTS sauces and... uhm expired milk" George complained, looking through his fridge while still on the call.

Dream chucked, "Why do you have expired milk in your fridge?"

"Not the point, I just want food"

"Well get some food then" Dream counteracted. George sighed and rolled his eyes, sitting back down in his chair. His stomach rumbled loudly, calling out to his hunger.

"I'm going to order McDonald's." And with that George muted his mic, found the McDonald's number and ordered his food, in the background, he could hear Dream.

"Should i do a quiz?... yeah? Link some in the podcast chat." There was a long silence. George, long ordered his food, stayed muted, listening to Dream talk to his chat. He found it so endearing the way Dream spoke to them, as though they where a family. His voice soft and gentle as he scrolled through the chat looking for a quiz.

"Ooh, this looks interesting... oh, 'Am I In Love With My Best Friend?'. Sounds... interesting" George stopped. Everything seemed to slow down. Eyes wide as he looked at the screen infront of him, Dreams discord icon lighting up as he chuckled nervously. He wasn't actually going to do it was he? The room was getting hot for George, he wasn't sure whether he wanted to delve into the idea of being in love with his best friend, let alone his best friend being in love with him.

He quickly unmuted, ready to call Dream out on what he was doing, but Dream beat him to it.

"George, i'm going to do the 'Am I In Love With My Best Friend?' quiz" He laughed, opening up the link and reading out the first question. "do you catch yourself looking at your best friend?"

George stalled. They had face timed multiple times in the past, Dream only letting George see his eyes upwards, but George always found it hard for him to look away. He got lost staring at his best friends eyes. George quickly messaged Dream asking for the link for the quiz, if Dream was going to do it, so would George.

"Dream, check dm's" He rushed.

"Huh, what, why?" Dream asked, busy trying to still his own heart beat. He had always known at the back of his mind that he had romantic feelings for George, whether that is because he was just touched starved and was desperate, or because he genuinely wanted more than just a friendship with George, suppressing his feelings as to not ruin anything between them.

"Just read it." George urged, getting apprehensive, unsure whether he should just delete the comment and over analyse everything Dream says.

But before he knew it, the link to the quiz had been sent to George, a small smiley face underneath it from Dream. George was about to reply with a '?' to the smile, but Dream spoke up again.

"I just put 'once in a while', i mean, it's not like im never looking at you but i don't do it like.. all the time." George clicked all the time. He couldn't get enough of Dreams warm amiable eyes. His eyes were a kind of green that speaks to the soul of nature, of fresh wands of grass and new buds, and his eyes were that bright colour, bold and beautiful.

"Right," he snickered, " next question, 'are they the first person you call when something happens?' uhm... yeah, i guess. But not always, i mean i would call my mom first." He laughed, ignoring the fact that George was silent. George always called Dream if something was wrong. He wasn't in contact with his parents, Sapnap wasn't the most mature when it came to serious things, yes he was a great friend and he would be there for George if he needed, but Dream came first. George put Dream before everyone, at time even before himself.

"George?" Dream disrupted his thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"You're being so quiet, everyone is asking if you're asleep" George looked at chat, Sure enough, between all the green and blue hearts, there where people spamming Georges name and sleep.

"Oh uhm no, it is 3 am though. Kind of tired." He said, anxiously looking at the next question, mouse already hovering over 'it's nice if i can'. George didn't wake up thinking about Dream, not always anyway. Just if they had fallen asleep on call together, or if they were recording a video that day.

"You should sleep." His voice had softened. He too was looking at the same question. Thinking about George staying up just for him made him feel giddy, but he also didn't want George to be sleep deprived.

George held back a smile. "I'm good, we're in sync bb" he snickered, knowing that would get a rise out of the chat. He could practically hear Dream roll his eyes in exasperation.

"Oh come on" He laughed, his voice low and raspy as he started to read out the next question. He couldn't get through it without laughing, however. "'Do you get jealous if he or she has a boyfriend or girlfriend?' Oh come on! I mean..." He started, George's scoff cut him off. "What?" Dream laughed.

"Nothing" George giggled

"To be fair.. no, but... i mean, wouldn't anyone?"

"Not really." George counteracted.

"Well, no. But! But! But! It would be one of those things where it's like, awe, now he's gonna be spending time, like, doing that, instead of like, with us. Like with like, me and sap. So, I'll put maybe a little. Right? Maybe a little.?" Dream stuttered, trying to defend his reasoning while George just giggled at his flusteredness.

George had already clicked 'ugh its the worst' already. He remembered when Dream had told him Sapnap was moving in with him. Now, George knew his best friends. He knew there was nothing going on between Dream and Sapnap, but something about them living together tickled George the wrong way. He was pissed off, to say the least. George wasn't normally jealous, but when it came to Dream, he became a different person. He almost didn't want to share Dream with anyone else... George wanted Dream all to himself.

"Dream, no one is arguing with you..." George whispered endearingly, a small smile painted across his lips.

The next few questions were uneventful. Dream still defended his answers despite no body calling him out on them. The chat was a blur of left ear jokes and and blue and greens. George answered 'yes' on the majority of the questions.

" Do you have dreams about them? Im- Okay! That's unfair, like, oh my god. Okay, I'll put sometimes." Dream rushed, desperately wanting to move onto the next question. He didn't want to tell chat, and especially George, about the dreams he has. No body knew about the desperation Dream has when he dreams about George. The want and longing to touch George in many ways than one. The heartache Dream feels when he wakes up because he knows the happiness his feels in his dreams could never be recreated.

"What?" George once again giggled. He was starting to have fun now. Seeing Dream embarrassed made George feel slightly better about his answers, but at this rate he was afraid the quiz would tell him he's so hopelessly in love with his best friend that there was no hope for him. "What do you dream about me?"

"You- you've had- you're- you're an idiot, you've had dreams! You've had one hundred pe- you've told me about dreams you've had!" He stammered, struggling to get his words out correctly without revealing too much. He was starting to get hot, the air conditioning in his room seemed to do nothing, the 'GNF' jumper he was wearing was suffocating him. He was suddenly finding it hard to breath under the weird pressure of these questions he had no obligation answering.

"What type of dreams, hmm?" George teased. He had his head resting in his hands leaning on the desk, taking in everything Dream was saying. George, of course had clicked 'all the time' about dreaming about Dream. Dream was on his mind 24/7.

"Oh don't even start with me, i know you've had dreams about me. You told me you've like.. texted me in your dreams or something. You.. you definitely have, anyway..." The two argued for the next few questions, and it was all smooth sailing for both Dream and George, until it came to the big one. The one that caused George to almost throw up the McDonald's that he had eaten a half hour ago.

Dream went silent. George could almost hear Dreams heart beating through the mic. He knew why, too. He saw the question. George had been dreading this. He chose to stay silent, not wanting to draw attention to himself.

"Do you ever think about what it would be like to kiss your best friend?" Dream was silent for almost thirty seconds. He felt sick. The amount of times he had wondered what Georges lips felt like. Whether or not they were made for him. Perfectly molded to fit Dreams own. He dreamt about them constantly. The soft touch of lips. He was beyond salvageable. "Uhm, n-no. Of course not."

"Why did you take so long to answer?" George was apprehensive. He wondered whether Dream thought about kissing him as much as he did. George so desperately wanted to, he wanted to feel them on his own lips, wanted to know what Dream tasted like, how he smelt. He was forlorn.

"I'm just going to put, well... i'm going to put.. well there's no good answers. I'm just going to put 'yes but it would be like kissing my mom'". He lied, his mouse had been hovering over 'at least a few times a day', unsure whether to click it or not, but he knew the truth. He wanted to kiss George more than he ever wanted to do anything ever.

The rest of the quiz, George kept silent. If he opened his mouth, he would confess his love on the spot. He had finished all the questions, revealing a 32%. He was totally in love with his best friend. Desperately, pathetically and hopelessly in love. He needed help.

"Okay, last question" Georges ears pricked up at this, he was happy it was almost over. He needed to talk to Dream in private, even if it killed him. "Do you see them in your future?... of course. A lot of my future is your future. I don't want a future without you in it..." Dream whispered, muting his physical mic so that no one could hear his breath leave his body. That was the most intimate he had probably ever been with George in front of fans. He hoped he hadn't just messed anything up.

George still stayed silent. Dreams answer made him almost cry with happiness. He couldn't imagine a future without Dream.

Dream un-muted his mic to finish up the quiz, "It says, you are in love with a few things about your best friend, so it's likely that you could fall entirely in love with them if you... if things keep up the way they are right now." George was unsure of what to say. Chat was once again asking if he was asleep. Both boys took no notice. Almost silently, so silently George almost missed it. But he held his breath, staring at the monitor with fear. All colour had drained from his face. He was about to pass out.

"If.. if you're worried they don't feel the same way... you're going to have to find out how to shut your feelings off, you don't want to ruin what you have."... no one talked for a couple seconds... both of them waiting for the other to say something, until George plucked up the courage.

"I don't want to ruin anything, Dream."

George loved Dream, and Dream was sure he loved George.

[stylesluxx]

allergic reaction – h.styles

[warnings: allergic reaction (obv), hospitals, crying but not really angst?? swearing and mentions of sex (no smut)]

summary: in which y/n develops an allergy to her favorite food

word count: 2,106

masterlist

Harry made the best sandwiches. And you can't believe that for three years, you didn't know you were in a relationship with the Gordon Ramsey of sandwiches.

Ever since your trip to London last year, it was a tradition for the two of you to share a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at least once a week. And you would only eat it if he made it, no exceptions.

The two of you were on a plane to London to visit his mom and sister; you were cuddled into his side, watching Phineas and Ferb on his laptop, when your stomach grumbled loudly.

You looked up at Harry sheepishly, causing him to chuckle and kiss your forehead. He got the attention of the nearest flight attendant and let you order.

"What are you hungry for, Baby?" He asked and rubbed your arm with the hand that was around your shoulders.

"Do you think I could get a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" You shyly asked the woman.

PB&Js aren't something people would usually get on a plane but you thought maybe you'd test your luck.

"Chunky or smooth?" She asked, making you smile happily.

"Smooth please."

"Do you think I could get one too?" Your boyfriend asked.

"Of course!" She nodded and walked off.

She came back after a few minutes, one plate in each hand, making you sit up to bring the tray down in front of you.

You and Harry both thanked her as she walked off, leaving you two to your sandwiches.

"What made you want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" Harry asked before biting down into his sandwich.

"Just had a taste for it," You shrugged. "What made you want to copy me?"

"Just had a taste for it."

"Oh, I bet," You giggled and bit into the sandwich. You took a couple more bites before nodding in amazement. "This is the best PB&J I've ever had in my entire life. Like the perfect ratio."

"I bet I could make it better," Harry challenged, eyebrow raised and looking at you from the corner of his eye.

"H, in the three years we've been together, the only things I've seen you make are ramen and cereal," You teased.

"Watch. When we land, I'm gonna make you the best sandwich you've ever had."

"Okay, Chef Harry," You giggled and went back to eating your sandwich.

When you got to his apartment in London, he dropped the bags off in the bedroom before running back to the kitchen and getting started on a sandwich.

"Har, I'm sure it can wait for the morning," You laughed and kicked off your sneakers, setting them by the door.

"No, because I need to prove you wrong," He shook his head and continued.

You shook your head, sat at the island, and watched him make what would soon become his specialty meal.

He cut the sandwich into two triangles and cut off the crust the way he knew you liked. He made sure to leave as much sandwich as possible, but still getting off all the crust, before pushing the plate toward you and smiling in anticipation.

"Go 'head, baby," He urged you.

"You know... it's okay for you to not be good at something. Singing is phenomenal; sex is phenomenal; you're a phenomenal boyfriend, a phenomenal person even! So, it's okay if you're an average sandwich maker," You played with him, trying to put off eating the sandwich.

"Just try the damn sandwich, Y/N!" He playfully yelled and banged his fist on the counter.

"Okay, okay," You giggled and picked up one half of the sandwich.

You looked at it carefully before putting a piece in your mouth and taking a bite. You slowly chewed it, taking in all the flavors, before swallowing and going for another bite. You repeated the slow chewing two more times before you set the sandwich back on the plate.

"So?"

"It's actually... really good, Har. Like really good," You admitted and gave him a big smile.

"You just saying that?" He asked, tilting his head slightly.

You laughed and shook your head. "The only thing that makes yours an A+ and the flight attendant's an A is the fact that you know how I like my sandwiches cut and the crust. Like I told you, phenomenal boyfriend," You shrugged and picked the sandwich back up to finish it.

"Told you!" He yelled victoriously and pumped his fist in the air.

"Yeah, yeah, you told me."

Harry was finally back home after touring and doing press, so for a week you just left him to relax. You cuddled whenever he wanted, cooked his favorite meals, danced with him to his favorite songs. It was actually stuff that you normally did when he was home. But for the week you didn't pretend to fight it or playfully groan.

But now his week was up and you were craving a sandwich.

"Harryyy," You sang and squeezed his nose while he watched tv.

"Stop it," He whined and swatted your hand away.

You just moved your hand to his cheeks and pinched them as if he were a tiny baby with cute, fat cheeks. "Harryyy," You sang again.

"What do you want, you pest?" He teased and tore his eyes away from the tv to look over at you.

"I was just thinking... it's been a while since we had your special sandwiches," You hummed while rubbing your chin as if thinking.

He let out a laugh through his nose, making his body jerk slightly. "Y/N, you haven't had a sandwich since I left, have you?" He asked.

"It appears I haven't," You continued playing clueless and pursed your lips.

"Alright, Baby, your PB&J is coming right up," He nodded and kissed your forehead.

His feet moved from the coffee table to the floor as he stood up and made his way into the kitchen.

You smiled brightly, clapped your hands together, and rested them on your stomach. You had been waiting months for this moment and you were in pure bliss that you were finally getting what you wanted. As the saying goes, good things come to those who wait.

Harry walked back into the living room with two plates, one for you and one for him. "Harry Styles, singer, songwriter, actor, and Y/N Y/L/N's personal PB&J chef. Here you go, Baby," He introduced himself with a playful smirk and handed a plate to you.

"You're so silly," You smiled before thanking him.

He nodded and sat back in his spot next to you, putting his feet on the table and arm around your shoulder.

"Bone apple teeth!" He cheered and held up half of his sandwich.

"Bone app the tea!" You toasted and raised one of your halves to tap his.

You both bit into your sandwiches at the same time and smiled at each other, ignoring the bread sticking to your teeth.

You finished your sandwiches quickly and set the plates down on the table. You leaned into your boyfriend's side and focused on the Avengers Assemble cartoon that Harry had playing.

After an episode of, you felt your lips start to tingle but you brushed it off, not thinking much of it. But once you were running your tongue over the top of your mouth, trying to get rid of the itch, you figured something was off.

"What kind of peanut butter and jelly did you use?" You asked Harry, looking up at him with an uncomfortable expression, eyebrows scrunched together.

"The same stuff I've been using," He shrugged, keeping his eyes on the tv.

"Do you think it was expired?"

"No, it wasn't. I checked. What's wro-" He went to ask but stopped when he looked at you. "Okay, so we should probably get you to a hospital."

"Harry, what's wrong?"

"Baby, your face is all swollen. Come on, put your Crocs on so we can go," Harry gently ordered and shot up from the couch. He walked over to the coat hanger and grabbed two of his jackets. He put one on himself and grabbed the car keys.

"What do you mean my face is swollen?"

"Y/N, is something wrong with your throat, why are you scratching at it?"

He walked over to you and wrapped his other jacket around your shoulders.

You hadn't noticed your hand was scratching at your throat until he asked and now that was all you could focus on.

"I don't know. It's itchy, Harry. A-And it feels like it getting harder to breathe," You frowned. You felt your eyes water and the scariness of it all was starting to set in. "Harry, what's happening?"

"Baby, just put your shoes on, okay? You're gonna be fine," He tried to assure you but you let out a sob anyway, making his frown grow deeper.

You trudged over to your shoes by the door and slipped them on while trying to contain your tears and regain control over your breathing.

The ride to the hospital was quick and, before you knew it, you were lying on a hospital bed, hand gripping tightly onto Harry's.

"You're gonna be fine," He assured you and kissed your hand softly.

He pulled away and kept rubbing circles with his thumb while the doctors and nurses surrounded you, hooking you onto machines and giving you antibiotics. You nodded and closed your eyes, not to sleep but to try to relax, and hoped this nightmare would be over soon and, you'd be back home.

–

Spending three days in the hospital wasn't ideal but Harry wanted the doctors and nurses to be thorough. You were hooked up to monitors the whole time and nurses were coming in and out to check your temperature, blood pressure, heart rate, and blood oxygen level. Not only that but you had a small tube in your nose to help with your breathing. You were completely against it at first, claiming you could breathe just fine, but one look at Harry's pouty face made you give in. You were taking blood and urine tests to monitor your organs and see what exactly you were allergic to, but you had a pretty good idea of what it was before the doctors could break the news.

Harry stayed by your side for all three days, not bothering to go home and change. No, you weren't dying but he wanted to be there to make sure you were as comfortable as possible.

Once you were back home, Harry texted your parents, Anne, and Gemma to let them know. Anne and Gem wanted to fly out to see you but Harry assured them that you were going to be just fine and you'd call once you were all settled in at home. There was no stopping your parents though; they were on a plane to New York from their vacation home, ready to baby you once they landed.

Harry marched into the apartment and went straight to the kitchen, not hesitating to throw the practically full jar of peanut butter in the trash. He went to the bathroom and started a bath for you, even carried you to the tub once it was ready. He helped strip you of your clothes and get you into the bath as if you were a fragile baby that needed help.

"Har, I'm okay. Come get in the tub with me; you deserve to relax. Please," You breathed out and looked up at him with soft doe eyes.

"Since you asked so nicely," He teased and gave you a reluctant nod.

He undressed and sat at the other end of the tub, before pulling you into his arms and holding you tight.

"I'm gonna be okay?" You asked. You knew the answer but you just wanted to hear him say it. It always calmed you when he said it.

"You're okay, Baby. Just allergic to peanuts," He sighed and let his wet hands trail down your back.

"I eat peanut butter all the time. I'm just not understanding how this happened," You frowned, shaking your head in disbelief.

"It happens but you'll be okay."

"Our tradition is ruined though," You grumbled and moved away to look up at him.

"We'll have a new tradition. We hate peanuts in this house! Fuck peanuts!" He yelled out and stuck up two middle fingers, making you burst into laughter.

Once you calmed down, you leaned back into his chest, sighing happily, completely in awe at the fact that you had the perfect boyfriend.

"My face isn't back to normal yet?"

"Not quite. You're still my little marshmallow for few more days."

[AN: I was gonna make this a part of my Quaratine Series but I decided not to overcomplicate things with the hospital and stuff. but yeah, hope you enjoyed ! feel free to shoot me a message about literally anyhting !]

[lasting-inkpressions]

Why not me? (Chapter Four)

Summary: Denali has been single all his life, and has always been secretly envious of everyone around him being able to find love so easily. Rosé proposes the perfect solution for his best friend.

Note: This turned out differently from what I had originally planned.

Prefer reading it on AO3?

Denali was sitting in the corner of the deli that he and Rosé frequented, scrolling away at his Instagram feed while waiting for his order. It was one of those rare days where he only had one class to teach in the late afternoon. Instead of lazing around at home or practicing his routines in the rink, he thought that he’d surprise Rosé with lunch.

It was half way through the month, and so far their relationship had been progressing smoothly. Denali had started getting more comfortable with Rosé’s affections, and thankfully, his blushing was also a lot more under control, though Rosé seemed to have been a slight bit disappointed when he’d pointed that out. They hadn’t really progressed beyond innocent touches, cuddles and hand holding, and Rosé wasn’t pressuring him into anything that he wasn’t comfortable with either. There were the kisses that Rosé would press on him too, fairly innocent ones.

If there was one thing that he’d noticed throughout the past two weeks, it was that Rosé liked to surprise him with little gestures: kisses to the cheek when they were on the couch, waking up to a single rose on his doorstep one morning, sneaking Denali’s favourite Reese’s peanut butter cups into his locker at the rink, picking him up after skating practice. It was all so foreign to him, and yet it made his heart swoon.

The thing was Rosé had been nothing but patient and caring. He never jumped into anything, and was always careful and considerate, always mindful about matching the younger’s pace. Denali did appreciate it, although a small part of him did wonder if Rosé was truly alright with their arrangement. To him, Rosé was someone that seemed a bit more intense, yet free spirited when it came to his love life. Denali wasn’t saying that Rosé was a fuck boy, but he had seen him go home with a fair share of pretty boys clinging to his arm. But it had been a few months since the last one…

Denali’s thumb stopped moving mid scroll at that. Now that he’d thought about it, it did seem like Rosé had mellowed out in the last few months. He remembered after the Scot had broken up with his last boyfriend, he seemed to be taking home boy after boy, but he’d stopped after a while. That’s when the two of them had gotten even closer and had started spending even more time together than before. There were times when Gottmik would tease him about how close they were and how they were practically boyfriends, but Denali had always laughed it off.

After all, they were just best friends.

Besties.

“Order up for Denali!”

Breaking away from his train of thought, Denali shoved his phone into his pocket and approached the girl at the counter. Quickly checking through his order and grabbing some ketchup and mustard packets, he thanked the girl and left the deli, hitting the streets as he walked to Rosé’s office. The walk wasn’t very far, and he always enjoyed any time he could get to soak up the sun.

Maybe he’d ask their friends if they wanted to go to the beach that weekend. The weather had been perfect lately. It wasn’t too hot, and he knew Kandy would definitely appreciate seeing Joey shirtless.

…or maybe he’d try asking just Rosé to go to the beach with him instead. A beach date maybe? Something a little different. He knew he’d appreciate seeing Rosé without his shirt.

Blushing to the roots at the thought, Denali shook his head as he stopped at the traffic light.

It wasn’t the first time he’d had a less than innocent thought about Rosé, but he wasn’t going to tell anyone that.

Crossing the street, it wasn’t long before Denali found himself in the elevator of Rosé’s office building, shifting his weight from on foot to the other as he listened to the faint hum of the engine, he exited once it stopped and the door slid open.

He walked forward and glanced down the corridors, trying to remember where Rosé’s office was. He always seemed to get lost in the maze of offices when he visited. Finding the glass door of the agency he worked in, Denali smiled and walked over, excited to see Rosé. Just when he reached the door, he stopped when he spotted Rosé a few feet away inside the office, the smile slipping from his face.

Rosé was sitting at the edge of his desk, arms crossed, smirk on his face as he nodded along to a young man standing before him, someone he’d never seen before. A dark skinned boy with wide eyes and a cap on his head. Denali could see the flash of a gap toothed smile as he laughed, lightly slapping Rosé’s arm and laughing at something the older had said, a slight whistle echoed softly.

Hands clenching at the sight and the sound of the paper bag crumpling in his fist, Denali felt his breath speed up a bit as he watched the two of them. He didn’t really know why, but he didn’t like what he saw. He could see that the gap toothed boy was clearly enamoured by Rosé, and Rosé wasn’t really doing anything to discourage it. Denali reached for the door handle, about to push into the office and approach them when he stopped himself.

What right did he have to do that? Sure, Rosé was his boyfriend, but it was just a temporary arrangement. It would stop at the end of the month, and after that they’d go back to being best friends. How much of a right did he have to claim Rosé as his if the relationship had an expiration date?

Biting his lower lip, Denali was about to walk away, but froze when Rosé looked towards his direction. The older boy grinned widely at him, excusing himself from the other and walked towards him. Denali concentrated on getting his breathing back to normal and tried to smile back at Rosé, almost failing as his heart continued to race. The older boy pushed the door open, eyes bright as he looked down at Denali.

“Hey Nali, what are you doing here?”

Not trusting himself to speak, Denali shoved the paper bag of food into Rosé’s hands, his own hands a little shaky as he tried to contain himself. Glancing behind at the other boy who was peering curiously from behind, Denali took a deep breath and, before he could talk himself out of it, quickly pressed a kiss to Rosé’s cheek. Pulling away and catching the surprised look on his face, Denali stammered out a quick goodbye before practically running away from him.

Rosé stood still in surprise, hand held against the cheek that Denali had just kissed as he watched him scurry off. Before he could even think about going after the younger boy, he had disappeared into the elevator and was out of sight. Frowning, Rosé looked at the crumpled brown paper bag bearing the logo of their favourite deli and pulled it open to find two sandwiches nestled inside.

————————————————————————

Denali panted as he practically flung himself across the ice, sweat beading on his forehead as he executed complicated move after complicated move.

He had spent the last few hours trying to get out of his head, or more specifically trying to get Rosé out of his head. After he had fled like a coward from him, not wanting to embarrass himself further or face the older boy, he had thrown himself into his usual routine at the rink. He taught his late afternoon class, and when his mind didn’t seem to be able to stop churning pointless thoughts at him, he had turned back to the ice as a means of both distraction and comfort.

There was something about the ice that always seemed to comfort him, the music and the cold ice blending together in perfect harmony.

As he executed one last double axel, he glided to a stop at the side, taking in a shuddering breath as he leaned back against the side of the rink. He looked at the clock above the rink.

7.49pm

The place was almost empty now, save for him and a few members of staff, and he was the last one on the ice.

Scratching his cheek, Denali pondered whether to keep going when large hands covered his eyes. Stiffening and grabbing at the stranger’s wrists, he relaxed once he heard a familiar chuckle behind him. Spinning around, Denali smacked Rosé in the chest, resulting in a light grunt from his boyfriend.

“Rosie! You scared me half to death.” Denali pouted, all his messy thoughts gone at the sight of Rosé’s twinkling eyes, an effect he seemed to have on him more often than not. The older boy smiled softly and brushed a strand of hair sticking to Denali’s face, leaning forward.

“Sorry Nali. Here, let me kiss you better.” Denali squealed and dodged Rosé’s lips as he skated backwards in response, his own eyes crinkling mischievously. “No way! You seem to be enjoying them more than I do. I’m putting you on a kissing time out.”

Rosé blinked, brows raised as Denali stuck his tongue out playfully. Smirking, Rosé leaned against the partition, eyes glinting as he focused on Denali’s mouth.

“Careful baby, unless you want to put that tongue to use, you’d better put it away.”

Denali’s eyes widened at his statement and coughed hard, Rosé laughing at his innocent reaction. Denali glared at Rosé for a moment before skating towards the exit, letting Rosé give him a hand as he got off the ice. He settled on the bench nearby as he started to unlace his skates. There wasn’t any point skating if Rosé was there, and it was getting late anyways.

“So what are you doing here?” He asked. He heard the rustling of plastic and he looked to the left as Rosé set a bulging bag down on the bench next to him. “Got us some of that sushi that you love for dinner. You weren’t replying my texts, so I figured you’d probably lost track of time on the ice again.”

Denali melted a little on the inside, touched by the thoughtful gesture. How was anyone ever going to top Rosé in the future? He pulled his feet out of his skates, and stood. He grabbed his skates in one hand and reached for Rosé’s hand with the other, squeezing it.

“Come on, let’s go back to my place.”

“Oh, aren’t we a little forward today?”

“Not for that, you loveable idiot.”

————————————————————————

The couple settled on the couch in more comfortable clothes, both having eaten their fill and whatever sushi was left stored in the fridge. Denali was almost mindlessly scrolling through Netflix for a show to watch while Rosé had him pulled against his side, arm wrapped around his waist and lightly tracing circles on the exposed skin of Denali’s hip. The younger had to force himself to ignore the way his skin heated from the skin contact and focused instead on finding something interesting to watch. Giving up after a while, he chose a random episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race and tossed the remote aside, subtly snuggling against Rosé.

Moments like these were something Denali was definitely going to miss once their arrangement was over. Sure, they’d still hang out when they went back to normal, but friends didn’t exactly cuddle or kiss each other, did they? Biting the inside of his cheek as his heart clenched at the thought, Denali laid his head against Rosé’s shoulder as he watched Bianca on the screen rolling her eyes at Laganja.

A few minutes in, Rosé stopped tracing mindless patterns on Denali’s skin. “Hey Nali?”

“Yes Rosie?”

“Why did you run off during lunch?”

Denali stilled. He was hoping that Rosé wouldn’t bring it up. How was he going to explain what happened? That he’d kissed him on the cheek out of impulse and had fled because he was too much of a coward to face his own feelings?

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Rosé sighed and sat up.

“Denali, look at me.”

He didn’t want to say anything, he just wished he hadn’t had that stupid idea to surprise Rosé with lunch then he wouldn’t have realised that maybe, just maybe, he was starting to really have feelings for Rosé. It just felt irrational. He knew what he was getting himself into, and here he was. The last thing he expected was to start developing feelings for-

Nope, he was stopping himself right there. He was not going to entertain those thoughts anymore.

Denali flinched as Rosé stroked his side in a bid to soothe him. Rosé could see that there was something bothering Denali, and he was worried. He didn’t like seeing Denali in distress, and even more so if he couldn’t do anything to help.

“Baby, talk to me.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Denali.”

Turning the younger boy to face him, Rosé cupped his face, stroking his cheek with the pad of his thumb. “Tell me, baby. It’s alright.”

Denali avoided looking Rosé in the eye, feeling his breathing quicken as he started to panic. He couldn’t do this, he didn’t have the courage to say it. What if Rosé didn’t feel the same way? What if all those acts of affection were just that, acts? That it was just out of sheer obligation of their agreement? Denali didn’t want to lose someone precious to him just because he couldn’t control his own fucking feelings.

No no no no, he wasn’t developing feelings. He was just confused. Rosé was first and foremost his best friend.

“Denali!”

Rosé pulled Denali into a tight hug, stroking the back of his head and rocking him. “It’s ok baby, I’m here. You’re safe, nothing bad’s going to happen.”

Denali started to sob, the tears he was trying to hold back finally falling and soaking the front of Rosé’s shirt as he struggled to breathe. Rosé just held him, humming in his ear and rocking him back and forth. After a while, Denali finally calmed down and pulled back from the older boy.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t say sorry. It’s alright to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. I’m not going to ask what happened again, I’m just going to say that whatever it is Denali, I’m here for you.”

Denali swallowed and looked up, and felt his heart stutter when he saw the way Rosé was looking back at him, expression warm and eyes full of an emotion he was too afraid to hope for. Rosé wiped the remaining tears on Denali’s face with his fingers and cupped his cheeks, pressing their foreheads together.

“I’m always here for you.”

Pressing soft kisses to the tear tracks on Denali’s face, Rosé rose from the couch and pulled Denali along.

“Come on baby, let’s get you to bed.”

Rosé guided Denali towards the bedroom and over to the bed, covering the two of them with the plush blanket once they lay down. They faced each other, both curled on their sides as Rosé continued to stroke Denali’s cheek soothingly. The younger boy leaned into his touch, then turned his head, nosing the palm of Rosé’s hand before kissing it. Smiling wearily, Denali let his eyes flutter shut as Rosé returned the kiss by pressing his lips to the younger’s forehead. Minutes later, Denali fell asleep, feeling both physically and emotionally exhausted.

Rosé continued to watch over Denali as the younger boy slept. His eyes took in the planes of Denali’s face, from the sharp angles of his cheek bones to the faint indents where his dimples were when he smiled. God, he was so gone for this boy. All he could do was hope that maybe a part of his feelings touched the other.

Slowly tracing the other’s cheek, Rosé stopped at Denali’s mouth before slowly thumbing his lower lip. He stilled as Denali groaned in his sleep, nose wrinkling before settling back down. He stared for a beat more before lightly stroking the corner of Denali’s mouth with his thumb. He had wanted to kiss Denali on the lips for a while now, but had refrained from doing so and instead settled for more innocent kisses. But right then and there, his control was fraying.

Rosé breathed deeply, leaning in, he paused to make sure that Denali was truly asleep before cautiously pressing his lips against the sleeping boy's.

If the moon was the only witness while Denali remained blissfully unaware in his sleep, then Rosé was going to keep this a secret between him and the moon.

————————————————————————

The angst and confusion is real here.

Had to throw in a spanner in the works, too much fluff is going to give you cavities but hey, at least it looks like Denali's finally sort of acknowledging his own feelings.

[foodbytesback]

The New York State Fair Easily Has Some of the Fried Food I've Ever Had

Every August, the talk of the town (my hometown, Syracuse, to be specific) is always the Great New York State Fair.  And this year, the talk is mostly about how multiple food vendors had pulled out.  

This made me a little nervous at first, but it turns out that this was mainly referring to Dinosaur BBQ, Gianelli Sausage, and Tully’s (a sports bar chain famous for its chicken tenders).   Maybe these are big draws for people coming in from out of town, but the first and last ones have stand-alone restaurants I can go to year round, and I can buy Gianelli sausage in just about any grocery store around here, so I personally don’t really associate any of these with the Fair. 

So when I later heard that a.) many of the still-existing stands were trying out new things, b.) attendance was way down this year (for incredibly obvious reasons), thus eliminating any long lines to discourage me,  and c.) admission fees are only $3 everyday (as opposed to $10 most days with occasional $1 days), I figured surely this must be the year to go, right?

Unfortunately, my plans for a perfect day at the fair didn’t go quite as I was expecting.  Mainly, the only day I had free time to go happened to also be nearly 100 degrees.  Even after skipping the grogginess-inducing wine slushies, that’s just not ideal overeating-then-walking-it-off weather.  My sister complaining the whole time that she couldn’t find a place that did fried cheese curds (like….. just get fried anything else girl what are you doing) didn’t do much to improve the enjoyability of the day.  A couple of stands, such as one doing fried gator mac & cheese and one that I’ll mention later, didn’t have the things that I had read online that they were doing, further throwing my plans out of sync.  Ultimately, I was only able to stomach 3 different stands over the course of about 2 hours before calling it quits.

The good news is I didn’t get sunburnt this year.    Thank you, bottle of sunscreen that’s 3 years past its expiration date but still worked somehow.  Also, there’s whatever the fuck is going on in that butter sculpture.  

Fried Cauliflower with Thai Chili Sauce (Veggie Patch)- $8

Holy shit- a vegetable! It's still fried, of course, but it IS vegetables.  The batter is crisp and doesn’t break apart or fall off the cauliflower, the cauliflower itself is cooked through while still being toothsome, and the Thai chili sauce (while still being that sorta generic, Mae Ploy style sauce that's sweeter than it is anything else) does work really well with the cauliflower.  It's simple, but it’s good.  And, having been cooked to order, was probably the freshest thing I ate all day.  

8/10

Philly Cheesesteak Fries (Big Kahuna)- $12

One of my favorite things from my 2019 trip to the Fair was the Caramel Crack Fries, and I was keen to try their hotter counterpart, the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Fries.  Unfortunately, they had to simplify their menu a little this year, removing both of those, but they did have this spiritual successor. 

The beef is a sickly grey and a little underseasoned when eaten alone, and many of the fries, while still cooked through, are a little on the pale and limp side.  This is not really the end of the world, though, since fries with this much wetness on them weren’t going to stay crisp for long anyways.   (Also, this is neither here nor there, but this year they’ve gone with a crinkle-cut as opposed to 2019’s straight-cut)  The cheese sauce is yellow goo from a can (the cans were proudly stacked up by the register), which- you know what? Is how the cheese on a cheesesteak SHOULD BE. The peppers and onions have been cooked down almost to the point of mush, but still taste like peppers and onions. Everything, when eaten together, tastes good, it's just a little hard to look at. the fact they put it in a dog food bowl doesn’t help.  And I can’t help but feel like it was this giant bowl of slop that killed my appetite for other, potentially more interesting, offerings.

5/10

Chicken and Waffles- (Oh My Darling + Luna Loca)- $12

I’m doing my best (and, in my opinion, succeeding) to ignore my previous disdain for stands at the fair that are just simplified versions of local restaurants that you can eat at anytime when judging this collab between 2 somewhat trendy downtown restaurants that I’ve never been to (because I don’t know where to park, ok?).  Slightly more worthy of judgement, however, is the fact that it was ready mere seconds after I ordered it, cluing me into the fact that these are not being made fresh.  

Is that even that big of a deal, though?  The chicken wasn’t as dry inside as I would’ve expected from something that had been sitting inside a hot box for who knows how long.  The breading was still somewhat crisp, and was well seasoned, including some kind of spice that wasn’t present upfront but lingered on the palate.  The waffle was very crisp, and had an incredible, unique crumb on the inside (Maybe from a yeasted batter of some sort? I don’t really know enough about baking to say for sure.), but was also very dry.  The icing drizzle over the top mostly clung to the chicken, providing no relief for the dry waffle.       

If it had been made fresh, it would have easily been the best of the 3 things I had that day.  But I personally feel that part of the appeal of eating fried garbage is watching it emerge from the fryer, glistening with grease and obliterating your mouth upon your first bite.  If nothing else, it was good enough for me to want to try their stand-alone restaurants (as soon as I figure out where to park).

7/10

Final Verdict:  It’s hard to say if there’s any real big showstoppers this year, but I don’t think I can say it’s gone downhill at all either.   If you want fried food but typically don’t like pay the $10 admission fee or dealing with crowds, it’s worth going this year if you’re vaccinated.  And if you aren’t? I think they’re giving out shots at the fair, actually.  So go kill 2 birds with 1 stone and get vaccinated already dude wft.

[seven-oomen]

I’m sorry you’re still feeling exhausted.  I hope work wasn’t too terrible today, and that the weekend lets you rest up a bit (if you get normal weekends.  working in retail I try not to assume.)  Also, this is likely to just be a short(-ish) collection of unconnected musings, but I felt like sharing them anyway, and really you should be used to that from me at this point.  XD  So, first off that tree painting is GORGEOUS.  I mean, I tend to be kinda partial to that whole tree silhouette type aesthetic, so I’m probably slightly biased.  But still.  (And the background shading… <3 )  Also, ngl, the backlit keyboard keeps making me think of that video of Henry Cavill assembling his new computer that’s making the rounds.  That is not meant as a complaint of any sort, mind you, merely an observation.

Speaking of hot scruffy dudes who are actually massive dorks, did you SEE Ian’s most recent Insta pic?!  (the non-cowboy hat one)  Omg, I don’t know why he keeps complaining about how it’s starting to look like TW Season One hair like it’s some sort of bad thing.  (The longer the hair, the better the grip you can get. […uh…wait, what?… ’>.> ])  That pic just screams OUAT sequel to me.  Out here looking all shaggy and windblown and peaceful and content.  Proud Alpha Dad Peter spending quality time with his family/pack.  How very dare he spring this on an unsuspecting public with no warning?  I was not prepared.  (Also, Sinqua and Holland commenting on it just ups the adorable factor that much more.)

Also, was looking at a few sites lately in consideration of ordering a few more masks for work, found this print on one of them and almost laughed myself absolutely stupid.  I don’t know why it was just so funny to me, but I hope it cheers you as much as it did me.  Btw, it’s available on an impressive variety of items, including two types of notebooks, t-shirts, mugs, blankets, pillows, beach towels, shower curtains, rugs, bath mats, several styles of bags, phone cases, and assorted types of wall art (sadly not on a mask, however.  I was deeply disappointed.)  I can see any number of items ending up in the Haleargentski household, bought by assorted non-wolf members for assorted wolf members, because they are a family of assholes.  (I feel like the first gift was a travel mug to Peter from his darling husbands, then a t-shirt [on black ofc] from Peter to Derek, and then it just all snowballed from there.)

Today’s literally-just-appeared-out-of-nowhere-wtf-brain thought is (much like the French maid thing) definitely of the nsfw variety, so consider yourself duly warned if you have a shift today.  Because I mean we talked about Chris and Noah using toys on each other, but why should Peter get left out of the fun?  There are plenty of ways for him to enjoy them, too.  Like, pretty much the initial spontaneous thought was “Peter getting pulled into someone’s lap and being pegged within an inch of his life until he comes screaming down the throat of whichever one is going down on him at the same time."  And I was just like "not sure what this has to do with this video of how to make a ukelele out of colored pencils, but continue."  But like, no really.  Peter being knotted in one of them while the other uses beads or a (vibrating) plug on him?  (Which one is the asshole who momentarily turns the vibration up high enough that they BOTH can feel it?)  Or using those, or some kind of prostate massager, while he’s tied up and watching them with each other?  Bonus points in that situation for anything remote controlled.  See just how good his control really is.  Equal opportunity toy usage is what I’m saying, basically.

Also had a thought inspired by a pregnant friend and her fiance raving about a local pizza place’s monthly special, which is a pickle pizza (no really).  I may or may not have asked her if she had it with ice cream (I totally did, but apparently she’s past that point.)  So I was wondering about any weird or specific cravings the boys have while pregnant.  I remember Chris having a thing about chocolate pudding in the flashbacks.  Was it only a certain type of pudding, or would any kind do?  Were there any others he had?  Did he have the same ones with Ben or different?  What about Noah?  What sort of cravings did he get, if any?  And did they vary between sets of twins?  Did anybody go the aforementioned pickles and ice cream route?  Anybody dipping fries in Nutella?  Onion straws in peanut butter?  Doritos in cottage cheese?  Anybody eat salsa straight out of the jar?  Did anybody get any sudden absolute need for a specific fast food at two in the morning?  Or suddenly want a type of snack food only carried at one truck stop halfway past the next town?  Anybody spend several days eating nothing but veggie trays, including ones they normally can’t stand?  Anybody develop a temporary aversion to certain things, like coffee (feels like it would be a terrible thing for either of them)?  Did Peter cater to their every whim in any and all of these situations?  (I already know that answer.)  Did either one ever get demanding about it, or did they go the more passively-wistful-won’t-stop-mentioning-it route?  Side note; did anyone (not family) ever catch the wrong end of hormones now backed by even more combat and/or magical ability?  (Debbie at the bake sale best step off or she gonna regret a number of her life choices.)

Uh…I think that was the last of the random swirling questions/musings/headcanons for now…  I hope you feel a bit better today, and that the time off (I think you mentioned some time off?) is helpful.  Enjoy your time with your friend (that was this weekend, right?).  If you’ve got ideas for writing stuff, but are having trouble getting them down, would making quick notes/reminders, or voice recordings, for later help?  Like, so you don’t worry about losing them, but aren’t forcing yourself to do something you don’t feel up for at the time?  Either way, congrats on keeping up with the journaling (and the pretty, pretty art), and I hope tracking everything proves helpful.  And remember, other people’s bullshit issues and hang-ups are in no way your fault (no matter what they try to tell you), and you deserve all the good things.  Take care!  *Hugs to both of you!* 

Yeah, honestly I think I hit that point in my life again where my battery is drained and I can’t restart it. Which is how I got my burn out at first and working towards another one. Heh but I also don’t want to give up now and just keep working for a little longer because my contract expires at the end of September and yeah.. 

Stress.

Aww gosh thank you, yeah I really like how that one turned out! It was better than expected.

Btw if you’re into Zombie apocalypse stories (I am) you should definitely check out The girl with all the gifts. It’s so brutal but also interesting, I definitely enjoyed that. (And it was research for my own book)

Lol I love this keyboard and this laptop, really, it was the most expensive thing I ever bought but it’s so worth it. Still runs super smooth after 2 years. I don’t think I’ve seen that video of Henry though. 

And omg yes I did and it’s the best thing. he looks so SOFT omg. I def got  OUAT S2 vibes from that. And OUAT vibes. Also that pic of him with Colton, omg. Those were the best!

THAT PRINT!!!! I nearly snorted coffee out of my nose this morning but managed to swallow it down just in time. My work computer would have suffered caffeine damage otherwise XD.

But yeah, that becomes a running gag for sure!

Because I mean we talked about Chris and Noah using toys on each other, but why should Peter get left out of the fun?  There are plenty of ways for him to enjoy them, too.  Like, pretty much the initial spontaneous thought was “Peter getting pulled into someone’s lap and being pegged within an inch of his life until he comes screaming down the throat of whichever one is going down on him at the same time."

*cheff’s kiss* 

Yes.

Oh the images are so good. Remind me to write them out in detail tomorrow after the zoo trip.

Also parking the pregnancy cravings to answer tomorrow since it’s past midnight and I should catch some sleep before I need to be up again. But I will definitely type that HC out.

Side note; did anyone (not family) ever catch the wrong end of hormones now backed by even more combat and/or magical ability?  (Debbie at the bake sale best step off or she gonna regret a number of her life choices.)

Ohhh Debbie’s toast. Because yes, Noah’s magic is that much stronger when it’s fueled by pregnancy hormones and Chris turns into a very protective hormonal fighting machine. Low center of gravity has advantages when you’re in a squabble with the Karens.

And yeah, I have four days off right now. Which means I don’t have to work until Thursday again. Which is awesome!

But yeah work wasn’t too bad, I had to do one bad news conversation which fucking sucked since there was nothing I could do and nobody I could get a hold off to fix the problem for that customer and it was just a waiting game. I hate those conversations. I honestly do.

Most of it was quiet though and I got to leave an hour earlier due to the quiet day. So that was good. And I watched a movie while being paid (The girl with all the gifts) so that was pretty fun too XD

I actually voice record a lot already. I find it really helps with clearing my mind and I write a lot of stuff down. But I appreciate the tip!

Lots of cuddles from me and Mo and I hope your day went by well. <3

[pens-swords-stuff]

Cough Syrup and Popsicles [Short Story]

So this is a short story that I wrote for my Creative Writing class! It was my first time since middle school that I attempted to write a short story, and also the first time since middle school that I’ve written in first person!

It’s gone through a couple of drafts, but it’s still a little rough around the edges. But since I deemed it decent enough for my interim portfolio, I figured I’d share it with you all here :)

This is very different from what I write normally, and it was a great challenge! It’s not my best work, but I hope you guys like it.

(I apologize if the formatting is a bit wonky, it copy-pasted really weirdly)

If you would like to read this on your dashboard instead of my blog, please click here!

Warning: Long-ish writing; 2927 words.

The harsh lights of the fluorescents flickered overhead. The shopping cart shuddered as the defective wheel squeaked and groaned across the linoleum. The grocery store was nearly devoid of people, with only the occasional employee ducking past me to restock some shelves. Their eyes flickered towards me as they passed, regarding me with disdain before their gaze drifted to the clock mounted by the ceiling. The employees probably wanted to go home—it was almost closing time. I couldn’t blame them. I always got irritated when people came in at the last minute at the restaurant where I worked.  They probably would be able to go home if it wasn’t for the few stragglers lurking among the shelves. I ducked my head whenever I felt their eyes on me. Pretend like they’re not looking at you, Alexandria, I chanted to myself. Just grab what you need and get out. It wasn’t like I wanted to be here either—I had just crawled into my bed when my seven-year old approached me with a bright red face and a burning forehead. The last bit of cold medicine left in my dwindling medicine cabinet had expired three months ago. I wasn’t about to risk poisoning my son just because I didn’t have the time or the funds to replenish my supply of medicine.

I tried to hurry through the store, dragging along the stubborn shopping cart as best as I could, but I realized that my legs weren’t moving as fast as they should.  As any good mother would do when their child was sick, I should be racing down the aisles, tearing through the shelves to find what I need so I can get home as soon as possible, but no. I had stopped completely when I realized something: I could hear the hum of the lights overhead; I felt the cold rush of air every time the doors opened several feet behind me; and my thoughts weren’t drowned out by my kids constantly tugging at my legs and begging for snacks that I can’t afford. It was the first time in days that I had a moment to myself, to just breathe and take in the world. Did the produce section always have that sweet scent of strawberries and cantaloupe wafting in the air? I didn’t want to leave, I realized. I had missed being alone; I missed being able to pick out my fruits and vegetables carefully to find the best ones; I was finally able to think instead of being rushed out of the door because my child threw a tantrum. I didn’t want to leave this dingy, dismal grocery store with its too bright fluorescents and dusty shelves because despite all of that, it was the first time in a while that I had the time to realize how red apples can be.

I’ll go home soon, really soon, I promised myself as I took an apple in my hand just because I could. It was heavier than I thought. I just need a moment, a few moments here first…

The container that usually held all the apple slice samples was empty by this time of night. The only thing that remained was the occasional apple stem left in the plastic box.

“Did you want an apple?” A lady with brown glasses and a kind expression asked from behind.

I must’ve looked particularly disappointed that it was empty. “Maybe a little,” I admitted with embarrassment. How intensely was I staring at the container that a stranger noticed? “It’s just been a while—I don’t know what I was expecting at this time of night.”

“Here.” The lady offered me an apple slice. “I grabbed the last one, but you look like you need it more than I do.”

What in the world did that look like? “Thank you, but it’s yours. I’m fine.”

"I insist. I’m not that hungry anyways.” The lady handed me the apple without leaving much room for protest. Then with a smile and a wave, she was gone.

That may have been one of the stranger experiences I’ve had at grocery stores, albeit a very kind one. When I bit into the apple slice, it was one of the sweetest apples I had ever tasted. Who knew that an out-of-season apple slice was what it would take for me to feel a little bit more like myself again? By the time I left the produce aisle, I felt like I could breathe again, like a huge weight was taken off my chest.

When I reached to open the glass door for a carton of milk, I paused. There was a woman staring at me, bone-weary and exhausted. I blinked, and she blinked at the same time. I moved my hand and she moved hers at the same time—I flinched when realization dawned on me: that was my reflection in the glass, staring blearily back at me. Vacant, sunken eyes with dark circles underneath; limp, scraggly dark hair, hollowed out cheeks with protruding cheekbones; the pallor of my face looking even more sallow underneath the harsh lights… I touched a trembling hand to my cheek and followed the planes of my cheekbone with my fingers. The feeling of weightlessness vanished immediately, and I felt all my burdens fall back upon me like stone. Who was she? I didn’t recognize myself. It was like staring into a funhouse mirror. It was me, but distorted, twisted and strange. It wasn’t me—or at the very least, I didn’t want it to be me. Where had that young, vivacious woman with the perky smile and confidence in her posture gone? I know I had let myself go quite a bit in terms of self-care as I gave everything I had to my kids; anything extra that I had was for them, whether that be food, clothes, supplies, love, affection… There was very little left for me. Despite that, somewhere in the back of my mind, I didn’t think I had changed so much. I still thought that I was the hopeful young adult, ready to grab life by the horns, but no. The young woman who dreamed of graduating college and starting her own business was gone. I was older now, beat down and struggling, trying to make ends meet as best as I can by working two dead-end jobs with no future career prospects in sight. My heart sank as I took in reality, as I took in the disheveled, tired reflection staring back in the glass.

I turned on my heel and walked away as fast as I could, trying to leave that reflection far behind. I had wasted too much time already; my kids were waiting. The brief respite I had found in the grocery store was over now, and I was ready to step back into my chaotic life again where I was too busy to reflect on myself. I swiftly made my way towards the medicine aisle and knocked the cheapest box of cold medicine that I could find in the cart. Other necessities like bread, peanut butter, jelly, eggs, ketchup and boxes of macaroni and cheese joined the medicine. I didn’t know when I would be able to go out shopping again.

The last stop was the freezer aisle, for the popsicles that I always gave my kids when they were sick. I was perusing the selection, comparing prices and making calculations in my head when someone bumped into me from behind, roughly. Thoroughly jostled and caught off guard, I turned to see a tall man with sharp eyes boring straight into me. He cleared his throat and jerked his head to the left, gesturing me to move and get out of his way.

Was I not even worth an excuse me? I knew I looked rough around the edges, but I was still a person that deserved a ‘pardon me’ if someone walked right into me, especially when the aisle was big, empty and full of space to walk around. “I just need one second,” I said with a tight-lipped smile. “There’s enough room in this aisle for you to give me a little bit of space.”

It was a clear hint on my part, but the man with sharp eyes didn’t move. He just looked at his watch meaningfully and cleared his throat. What was an obviously busy man like him doing in a grocery store in the middle of the night, harassing me in front of the popsicles? As much as I wanted to give him a piece of my mind, it wasn’t worth it—I was busy too, and I had a sick child waiting for me. I reached into the freezer for the cheapest generic brand of popsicles and stepped away. The man with sharp eyes didn’t back down and didn’t stop staring at me.

I didn’t want to admit it, but this man had gotten to me: I felt a little shaken. I left the freezer aisle with a bad taste in my mouth—the sweetness of the apple had soured considerably.

“Are you alright?”

I must really look rough today. I looked up, and the lady from before was looking at me with her forehead creasing in concern.

“I’m fine, I guess.” I said. It was a lie, of course but there was no other answer to give.

“Did something happen?” The lady asked, not letting it slide like I had hoped.

“A really rude man walked straight into me and demanded that I move, even though there was enough space to walk around me and wait politely—if he had been taught any manners.” I said with a roll of my eyes. It came out more venomously than I had intended. I wanted to shrug it off like it was no big deal, but in my current mental state, all I wanted to do was cry.

“Some people are just like that,” The lady said sympathetically. “I remember people walking all over me when I was younger, just because they thought they could. Their time isn’t more important than anyone else’s, but common sense is lost on some people.”

I didn’t say anything, I just nodded. I turned my face away from the lady when the tears began to well up. It was stupid to cry at something like this, but once it happened, I couldn’t stop it. It was just a jerk who thought he was better than people, and a nice person making sure I was okay. It was nothing to cry about—but still, my vision blurred a little bit.

Politely, the lady looked away as if she didn’t notice me tearing up. “Really, are you alright? Is there anything that I can do for you?”

“Thank you so much, but I’m fine.” I said. I took a moment to swipe my sleeve against my eyes. No more crying. I had things to do. “I really appreciate your concern though—it’s been a while since anyone has been nice to me. It almost makes the rude guy worth it.”

Was that too much to say? It probably was.

 “The store will be closing in ten minutes. If you have any remaining purchases, please go check out cash register number seven.” The intercom crackled. With that interruption, I hastily parted way with the woman after one final thank you. Reacting quickly to the announcement paid off; I managed to squeeze into the front of the line, just barely beating out the man with sharp eyes and the others filing in after him.

“Did you find everything you needed?” The cashier said in a monotone voice.

“Yes, yes.” I said, throwing my items onto the conveyor belt. The eggs were placed a little bit more carefully. I didn’t have much patience for small talk. Fortunately, he only responded with a grunt of acknowledgement.

Beep. Generic brand cold medicine: $4.97. Beep. A carton of milk: $3.99. Beep. An 18 pack of popsicles: $4.99. Beep. Beep. Beep, beep, beep.

 “Your total is $22.79. The cashier said, not even looking in my direction.

 I pulled out my credit card and swiped it. Beep beep, your card has been declined. I felt my heart stop.

The cashier raised a slick eyebrow.

“There must be some mistake.” I wetted my suddenly dry lips. I had paid off my credit card, right? I didn’t max it out already, right? “Let me try again.”

Another swipe, another decline. I glared at the credit card machine, as if reaching my credit card limit was the fault of its cold, clinical beeps. I could feel panic rising in my throat, and I pulled out my debit card next. “Let me try this one,” I said weakly, trying to smile. It was probably more of a grimace than a smile, and the cashier looked back with apathy.

Beep beep, your card has been declined.

I felt positively nauseous at that point. If the ground could just open up and swallow me whole, I would gladly jump in. Was my checking account really so depleted that I couldn’t pay twenty-some dollars at a grocery store? It wasn’t even a big purchase!

I heard a dreaded clearing of the throat, accompanied by the tap tap tapping of a foot. It was the man with sharp eyes from before, the new bane of my existence. He glanced meaningfully at his watch again because his time was clearly more important than mine.

“Ma’am, if you don’t have enough money to pay for this, you’ll either have to get rid of something, or just leave.” The cashier said, annoyance coloring his tone.

“Get rid of something?” Frantically, my eyes combed over all the items I had wanted to purchase. The cold medicine was non-negotiable, and so was the milk. Maybe the small loaf of bread was unnecessary? No, no—bread was so important, and the small jars of peanut butter and jelly would make it a complete meal all on its own. All I had gotten was food that I could stretch over a few weeks if I had to. That was valuable. I didn’t have enough time to pull up my bank account and check my balance. I would just have to keep taking away items until I found the price I could pay.

The popsicles then? I reached out to it but my hand hesitated. They weren’t strictly a necessity, but popsicles were a treat my kids would only get when they were sick. My son would be so disappointed.

There was another clearing of the throat behind me. My cheeks burned. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I apologized to my son silently as I grabbed the cold box—

“Are these all things you need?” A kind voice that I had become familiar with over the last half-hour said from behind. The woman with the brown glasses that I had talked to twice before stepped out of her place in line and approached me.

Numbly, I nodded. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, prickling at my skin. I just stared at my shoes.

“I’ll cover it.” The lady said. My head snapped up in disbelief, and she just smiled at me.

“Wait, excuse me, what?” That was all I could manage. My mouth felt like cotton.

“I’ll cover it. All of it.” She said, already adding her own items to the conveyor belt.

I was dumbstruck; my mouth was gaping like a fish. “I don’t even know what to say. You don’t have to do this.” I knew somewhere in my brain that I had to thank her, but it was like my mouth forgot how to form the words.

“You seem like you’re having a rough time, and I want to help.” The lady said, already swiping her own card and signing the machine with a flourish. “No, you don’t have to say anything,” She interrupted, when I opened my mouth to at least justify my situation. “We could all use a helping hand every now and then.”

I didn’t realize that I was crying until a hot tear rolled down my cheek. I grasped her hands, trying to squeeze every bit of emotion into our clasped hands so that she might get a sense of the overwhelming emotion that welled up in my chest.

“Thank you.” I finally said through ragged gasps.

“Don’t worry about it.” The lady said, squeezing back.

I didn’t know why she covered my costs, and she never told me. I have no idea if she was a wealthy person who went around paying for the groceries of single mothers in her spare time, or if she just saw me and thought ‘this person looks rough, maybe she needs some help’. Was it too cheesy to think that she was an angel of some sort? Maybe. I’m not the religious kind, but I believed it.

When I went to bed that night, I wasn’t thinking about the man with sharp eyes who probably thought me as nothing better than a dust bunny, or the fact that I felt thirty years older than my actual age, wondering where it all went wrong. I was thinking about the fact that my children had full bellies and were sleeping soundly, and that my son would be okay in a few days because he had medicine. I was thinking about the lady who’s name I don’t even know that made it all possible.

Life gets hard sometimes. It’s the small acts of kindness like this that remind me that there are more important things to remember and cherish.

[quarantingz]

on my suddenly heightened love for cooking

sunday, 3 may around 9:30 pm

#Sinceiso, I think everyone knows at this point that I’ve spent every waking day cooking and/or baking if I’m not working, cleaning, cuddling Archie or watching Bon Appetit Test Kitchen videos. As the first week of Level 3 comes to a close, I’ve come to love cooking more than I thought was possible for me personally. I mean, I already loved cooking and I think my peak was when I threw a Mediterranean feast together for me and my two sisters to celebrate my 21st birthday, with almost every component having been made from scratch. Not to toot my own horn but I was pretty impressed once I saw everything laid out on the plaid blanket laden, ~rustic~ wooden palette we used as a table which looked straight out of a Pinterest board.

Instead of reading for the whole day which I had initially planned on doing and even wrote down in my journal prior, I spent I’d say about a total of three hours in the kitchen making vegetarian food. In retrospect, that was the most fun I’ve had cooking thus far. The more I embrace the cooking philosophy of “using what you have on hand,” the more I feel one with the food I’m making. I used to haphazardly throw ingredients together until I’ve created something that could visually pass as a meal but taste rather bland and underwhelming. Partly because those were the days where I had to cook in the garage aka our makeshift kitchen, and had to go through the rigmarole of running back to our actual kitchen where our actual pantry and fridge are to get accoutrements I’d forgotten on my first trip to this fake kitchen I’ve come to loathe. It’s funny cause one of the product development engineers at work I used to play badminton with described his style of cooking and eating as purely for sustenance rather than taste. I don’t blame him though as sometimes after a long day of work, the last thing you want to do is take more than 15 minutes preparing a meal that you’ll scoff down in less than a quarter of the time you made it. And if you’re extremely ravenous, pausing to taste whatever it is you’re making every two minutes becomes too much of a chore. This used to apply to me as well.

But now, I take every cooking experience as an opportunity to get better at it. Particularly at cooking intuitively, mindfully and practically. Like I had mentioned previously in one of my blog entries, Reverse Engineering Meals may as well be my middle name as I now resort to my fridge and pantry to gain inspiration for what to cook instead of the plethora of recipe websites I used to spend hours sifting through. I still want to give credit to a handful of trusty sources though for having my back when it comes to culinary commotions, namely, Bon Appetit, Minimalist Baker and Cookie and Kate.

Anyway, this entry was prompted by the realisation that I could make BA’s broccoli bolognese with orrechiette (albeit the pasta I would use is conchiglie, the shell-shaped ones since that’s what I have on hand) with the two 99 cent broccolis I bought the other day from Pak ’n Save. I’m still missing Italian sausage to make the complete dish though. Maybe I’ll just turn the broccoli into a pesto-inspired sauce. Hmmm. 

Secondly, I remembered that we still have two boxes of instant mac ’n cheese in the pantry which Cathy brought home from America and after watching Bon Appetit’s newest video of the crew making gentrified Kraft Mac ’n Cheese, I felt inspired to try my hand at making arancini or crispy topped mac ’n cheese to also utilise the two half-used packets of breadcrumbs that have been sitting in the back of our pantry for probably over a year. I may or may not have been using “aged” ingredients, so to speak, instead of throwing them out because well it’s more economical. To be fair the labels do say “Best Before” and not “Expiry Date.” Don’t judge me.

Lastly, since I can’t seem to go any more than two days without baking something, I decided to write a list or what I decided to call a “backlog of baking” in my journal to highlight exactly that — stuff I plan to bake in the future (yup, we’ve really come to this.) One of the things on this laundry list are Afghan biscuits which I’ve been meaning to make after seeing ones that Tash from uni made on her Instagram story. I looked for a recipe and clicked on the Chelsea Sugar one. Scanning my eyes down the ingredients, low and behold, it calls for cornflakes which can apparently be substituted with Weetbix. Perfect! We have some low cholesterol™ Weetbix in the pantry no one dares to eat apart from my parents because they literally taste like cardboard. I’d say it’s even worse. Then I remembered we’re out of butter and the recipe calls for a hefty amount of it, 200 grams to be precise. But THEN I remembered I came across this pint of Lewis Road Chocolate Butter whilst cleaning the fridge the other day which would be the perfect substitute since Afghan biscuits are essentially just chocolate biscuits with a walnut slapped on top. I know what you’re thinking, “And what was the best before date for that?” My guess is as good as yours. To say that it’s probably been sitting in the back of the fridge for a year would be too generous. Again, I know what you’re thinking, “She’s probably going to use it anyway.” And you’re right. I grew up drinking Manila tap water which I have to thank for my stomach made of steel. By that I mean I’ve never gotten food poisoning from anything ever. Even from years-expired ingredients I refuse to throw away unless it’s got mould on it (then again I heard penicillin is basically mould so if anything it is good for you. By good I mean for instances where you’re trying to nurse a strep throat.)

Anyway, antibiotic antics aside, that’s my food-themed rant over. The summary of it is that best before dates are really just suggestions as opposed to the single and final source of truth. Therefore, you shouldn’t shy away from using that packaged lime juice in your fridge (ask yourself now if it’s due for a cleanup) despite the best before date being rubbed off a long time ago. Good thing we humans like to lie to ourselves, eh? 

- p 

[almaasi]

Never or Forever

(5k Jody POV Destiel fic.) Dean thinks he’s single. Jody sees him interact with Cas, and concludes the exact opposite.

☆

Jody had not planned for a full house, but she got one anyway.

First Dean and Sam arrived, without warning – because Dean needed to “borrow the shower for two minutes”, which actually meant he would be “in there for two hours” and “use all the nice soap”.

Alex and Claire lived here, so they already had seats at the table. But then Patience arrived with a stack of books and a deep frown, muttering about either magic or mathematics, so Jody told her to pull up a chair.

Sam and Patience fell into an animated conversation somewhere between the moment Alex’s new boyfriend arrived, saw the crowd, and immediately left, and when Donna called and asked if anyone wanted barbeque leftovers.

Jody said yes to the barbeque leftovers. She did a head-count and realised Kaia had snuck in when nobody was paying attention, and now they were down a chair.

“Gettin’ kinda crowded in here, huh,” Dean remarked, sauntering into the kitchen, drying his hair with one of Jody’s best towels. He was all spiky-haired and clean now, and looked less like a dust bunny than when he’d arrived. “At least we brought a pie for dessert. You need some help with the food? If you’ve got eggs and onions, I make a mean inch-thick tortilla.”

“Have at it,” Jody said blandly, cocking her head towards the stove. She still crouched in front of the open fridge, taking out stacks of leftovers. “There’s two-day old fries, chuck them in too.”

“Awesome,” Dean said, tossing away his towel. He washed his hands, and then prepared to cook, leaving Jody to organise plates and cutlery and drinks – damn it, they needed drinks.

“Let’s see. We got flat ginger ale and expired cranberry juice, take your pick,” Jody said, placing both on the counter.

Dean scoffed, amused. “I can tell Cas to pick up somethin’ on the way.”

Jody smiled. “Well, with eight people already, what difference would a ninth make? That tortilla of yours better go a long way.”

“Hey, Cas barely eats, he’s probably just gonna sit there and stare at us, it’s fine,” Dean grinned, wiping his hand on his discarded towel as he left a lump of butter sizzling. “I’mma call him. Watch the pan for me? Once the butter’s melted, it needs twelve eggs. Then scramble.”

“Got it,” Jody said, watching Dean head out to the patio to make his call.

☆

Keep reading · 5.6k // G

[lunar-winterlude]

Answered all the questions on this post because @missingparentheses suggested it and why not. Under the cut, unless Tumblr decides to break it, in which case I apologize for the long post...............

1. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? Her name was Jessie and she was a year ahead of me in Sunday school. She had long dark hair that I thought was really pretty, and she always seemed happy and confident and outgoing. I used to write her name on stuff at home and imagine that we were best friends. We talked exactly one (1) time in the years that my family attended that church, but I remember being in awe of how cool she was. Of course, I didn’t realize that I’d had a crush on her until much, much later. At the time (first/second grade) I didn’t know queer crushes were a thing.

2. What is one thing you regret having done or not done in your life? I regret not speaking my mind more.

3. Which parent do you identify with the most? I’ve always identified more with my dad which is HORRIFYING. Growing up, he was marginally easier to talk to than my mom. Things have completely changed since then, now that I’ve begun to understand my mom and the reasons behind her actions.

4. What do you think you cook or bake the best? I make good crockpot meals lmao. Chicken alfredo, chili, mac n cheese, brownies...yeah, it’s great.

5. If you could change your first name what would it be? I like my name! I do go by Shay on some accounts though, so maybe that.

6. Can you hula hoop? Hell yes. I can swivel these hips for days.

7. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people? Crying in front of anyone. I cried while talking to my therapist once and just thinking about it squicks me out. Before that, the last time I cried in front of anyone was my parents in 2012 (holy shit), when I got home from teaching the day the principal yelled at me in front of my class. SO YEAH if I ever cry in front of you, it’s probably because something traumatizing has happened.

8. Have you considered running for president? Nope, never.

9. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why? Creating stuff! Making music, crafting stories, all that good stuff. I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to that. Lots of insecurities get in the way.

10. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why? I’m envious of creative queer women with long-term partners and financially stable lives. Ultimately, that’s where I want to be.

11. Where is the most beautiful place on earth and why? Haven’t been to many places I’d consider beautiful, but the Cape Fear River is gorgeous!

12. Are ghosts real? Maybe?

13. Are aliens real? Probably! The universe is huge.

14. How old is the most expired item in your fridge? I just checked and nothing in there is expired. My sister and I don’t play when it comes to stuff like that, and this is why we’re great roommates.

15. What are your favorite style of underwear? Boxer briefs!

16. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard? Joji - Yeah Right. Perfectly encapsulates how it feels to know you’re being used.

17. How about the sweetest song? Shawn Wasabi - Spicy Boyfriend. YEAH I KNOW the lyrics are nothing. But the music itself?? That’s how sweetness sounds to me.

18. Do you know how to play dominoes? Yes! My mom showed us when we were kids. It was boring...

19. What’s under your bed? A replica Joker knife I got at my first con and a baseball bat. Don’t mess.

20. Have you ever prank called someone? Once when I was like five, I called my grandpop and hung up when he answered, does that count.

21. 100 kittens or 3 baby sloths? What, to keep as pets? Neither. But if I had to choose which to hang out with for a bit??? I’m allergic to most cats but kittens are adorable.

22. Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now? No.

23. Why or why not? I’m still hung up on past rejections. Fixating on “what if,” and wondering if things would have turned out differently if only I’d been funnier, hotter, more clever, interesting, assertive, outgoing, etc...yeah this is a bad road and I ain’t going down it tonight.

24. How many bones have you broken? NONE

25. Have you ever won anything? Big or small? I won a spot in the NJ all-state wind ensemble on my first time auditioning after playing bassoon for a little over a year. It was a big deal because bassoon isn’t an instrument that people learn very quickly. But I spent an obscene amount of time practicing it in high school, and most of the other bassoons hardly practiced at all. That counts, right?

26. If you could buy one material thing, and money was not an issue, what would it be? A custom-built gaming PC. I want to play the Witcher 3 goddammit

27. What’s your favorite movie from your childhood? Hmmm, maybe “Honey we shrunk the kids.” My sister and I watched it again recently and it's still hilarious.

28. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Anything I’m allergic to. Keep peanut butter far away from me. Other than that, I’ll try anything once.

29. What’s the best way to comfort you when you’re having a really terrible day? Just check in on me, ask me questions, let me ramble, say something affirming, maybe give me a hug if I ask?

30. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before? When I was a teenager, I liked to say that music saved my life because everyone I knew said that. But honestly? I don’t know..

31. Would you ever adopt a child? Nope, no kids here. I don’t have the emotional capacity for raising children.

32. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try? I’m drawing a blank here...am I supposed to say sex stuff? I’m legit curious to try pegging a guy once, but I also have zero interest in sleeping with guys right now, so that may never happen.

33. If you were a cake which cake would you be? Molten chocolate cake. I know that “molten” isn’t referring to the temperature BUT I’m black and sometimes SOMETIMES I’d like to believe that I’m hot and oh god that was a terrible answer but I can’t think of anything better whoopssss

34. What is the most important material possession you have and why? Definitely my car. Without it, I’m screwed.

35. What is the most important memory you have and why? I’m only coming up with memories of disappointment, so I’m gonna pass on this one.

36. When was the last time you cried? I cried while watching Into the Spiderverse. I’m like Rhett when it comes to crying in movies. But only if I’m alone! Crying in front of other people is a huge nope, as I said earlier.

37. How old was your mother when she had you? She was 33

38. Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with? Janelle Monae!!!

39. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did? I can’t think of anything. There are definitely things I wish I hadn’t apologized for, though.

40. Have you been on your first date? If so, how did it go? Sort of?? I met up with a girl I was talking to online. No one called it a date, so maybe this doesn’t count. We hung out at this little bar that had board games. She was nice, but it was so awkward. We talked for two minutes, realized we had very little in common, but valiantly tried to play a board game or two anyway. Trouble is, most games are meant for more than two people, and my clumsy attempts at keeping the conversation going weren’t working. So after a miserable hour, (miserable for me, at least) we parted ways and haven’t spoken since.

She correctly guessed my reasons for coming out when I did, so that was amusing, I guess.

Heartbreak was the one thing we had in common.

[fairstarlights]

Peanut-butter

Summary: Based off of this OTP Prompt

Pairings: Analogical (Peanut-butter/Jelly)

Chapter Word Count: Enough.

Genre: Romance/Fluff

General Story Warning: None! Unless you count a really minor flip out and kissing?

Notes: Romance. Just. Yeah. All my fics are sad. I need a happy one.

Dating sites weren't Virgil's thing but Roman had hounded him for months about Valentines Day and how he needed a date. It was still a month away and not nearly enough time to find someone. Finally, Virgil caved and with some online searching he found a free dating site and signed up. Without telling Roman. If that guy ever found out he had one, he'd never hear the end of it and would probably be subjected to a Roman-ized version of twenty questions. 

Which would be twenty billion questions until he temporarily blocked him on his phone. Some how Roman always found a way around that and it was infuriating. Virgil dipped his spoon into the peanut butter, swished it around then stuck it into his mouth.

Virgil stared at his profile for few minutes and seriously considered deleting it. One thing, he would be interacting with total strangers. Stranger danger. He didn't know any of these people. They could be serial killers or rapists or- something. Virgil didn't really want to think too much about it. Two, there was the 'About me' profile. He had done his best to fill it out, without giving too much away. Both for conversation purposes and for not wanting people to know how weird he was before they even started talking. Three, he probably wasn't going to message anyone, ever. How do you even start a conversation of a dating site? It was all just ridiculous and a waste of time.

 Virgil furiously stabbed at the peanut-butter with his spoon, scooping out a spoonful and shoving it into his mouth. He then grabbed his phone off his desk, opened up the tumblr app and mindless began scrolling.

It day two when a 'pop' sound was heard from Virgil's laptop. Said boy was sitting on the couch and reading one of his poetry books when he heard it. It wasn't a familiar sound so, as curious as he was, he  stood up, grabbed his peanut-butter jar, and walked over. He ran a finger over the track pad and the screen came to life. He pulled up the minimized Chrome browser. The dating site was still open and noticed a (1) over the envelope at the top of the screen. Virgil's heart sped up a bit as he scrolled up and clicked it, as he waited for it to load he scooped up some peanut-butter, but this time keeping a hold on the spoon.

The message appeared and displayed the username the message.

[IntellectuallySuperior] at 2:03pm 6/21/18

Salutations,

I would like to introduce myself. My name is Logan. I have read over your profile and it strikes me as peculiar but also quite interesting. I see that we both have the same love for poetry. Although, yours seem to be more on the morose side, I think we could both find a neutral ground in the poetry department. I know some of our interests conflict, but upon further reading we also have a multitude that we share. If you would like to discuss, feel free to message me back at your convenience.

- Logan

Virgil stared at the message in disbelief. Was this for real? This guy talked like he was emailing a college professor. Virgil scrolled up and clicked on the guy's name. His profile appeared and Virgil let out a snort. This guy looked like he screamed, 'Oh, you want the manager? Sure, I'll go get him.' He would do a turn around and say 'Hello, how may I be of service?' In all of his pictures he was his dark brown hair was nearly completely slicked back, he wore black thick rimmed glasses, with a black or blue polo and a different assortment of ties. His facial expressions seemed strained, like he didn't know to smile for a picture. It looked painful.

Virgil scrolled through the rest of Logan's profile and learned he was in grad school earning his doctorate in medicine. He liked poetry. Virgil hmm'd. He wondered if he wondered liked Slam Poetry.  More things included, writing, reading, cooking, puzzles,and several other things that Virgil didn't know what they were without googling it. Under his 'Profession' he had written 'Tutor'. Huh, interesting. Virgil licked his lips and tasted peanut-butter, he took another bite as he read his 'About me'. It was arrogant and he seemed quite full of himself, he chose his username quite well.

Virgil clicked back the messages and clicked reply. They didn't seem very likely to date or anything but if anything, they could humor each other for a while. Virgil moved the spoon around in his mouth and it make clanking sounds as it hit his teeth. What was he even going to say?  

[OrchestratorofHumanSuffering]

replying to

[IntellectuallySuperior] at 2:26pm 6/21/18

Sup, Logan. I'm Virgil. Sorry you didn't like my type of poetry, maybe you could share some of yours and I could share some of mine, the less 'morose' ones. Do you like to listen to Slam Poetry? I could give you a couple YouTube links to a few of my favorites. If I know what kind of poetry you prefer I could find some slams that might be more your style. Anyway, let me know or whatever.

- I guess.

The sent button was clicked and Virgil leaned back in his chair, pulling the now clean spoon out of his mouth with a 'pop'. This probably wouldn't last long.

It was a week before Valentines Day and Logan had asked Virgil out on a coffee date over the phone. The conversations on the site escalated so quickly it made Virgil nervous but an excited kind of nervous. Of course there was those nagging thoughts and feelings that told him to run away cause this was all just a set up. Why would Logan, an insanely attractive, and intelligent grad student want to be with him of all people? 

Virgil wasn't always the most pleasant to be around. He snarked, was rude and snappy, had so many walls built up that not even the bravest or talented of devolishish people would attempt to break down. Virgil wasn't that attractive, he wasn't too cheerful or bright. He tended to look on the negative a lot. His posture was bad and rarely looked at people in the eyes because he was shy.

Logan must have seen something in him that Virgil didn't. Or, his glasses were expired and they needed updated immediately. Though, he wouldn't mind if either of those things. Logan could be quite difficult to talk to but he acted like he really cared. He hadn't seen Virgil go through any anxiety or panic attacks yet, he hoped he never would, but if that day did come...he hoped Logan would still stick around anyway.

Virgil was already in the coffee shop, seated. He hadn't ordered yet, figuring it would be polite to wait. He did go up and ask for a plastic spoon and a small plastic cup of peanut-butter. He nibbled on that as he waited, watching the clock. Logan said to meet at 3pm. Three more minutes. The door chime rang and Virgil turned his head and then immediately turned back around. It as Logan and he looked more gorgeous in person. Virgil swallowed the last bit of peanut-butter in his throat but it felt like glue and, oh god, why did it have to turn to glue.

“Virgil?” Logan said, his voice right next to him. Said boy accidentally knocked his plastic cup to the floor with his elbow and stood up fast. Logan blinked in surprise and Virgil immediately felt like an idiot. He swallowed and coughed a few times.

“Uh...” Nice. “Hey, Logan.”

“Hello, Virgil. I didn't expect you to be here so soon. Have you been waiting long?”

“No, not really. I probably came about ten minutes ago.” Logan raised an eyebrow but didn't anything. Oh my god. You're meeting the most gorgeous man in the world and you look like some desperate idiot. Virgil stuck his thumb in the direction of the register. “Lets order us some coffee?” Logan nodded and motioned for Virgil to lead.

Once up to the register Virgil desperately wished he had a spoonful of peanut-butter to help him relax. “You seem a bit tense. Are you nervous?” Logan, who was standing beside of him, asked with a concerned look. Fuck yeah he was always nervous. Every god damn day, and right now he needed a heaping spoonful of peanut-butter stat.

“A bit. I'll be fine though.” He gave Logan a small reassuring smile and Logan's face looked like it went on a 404 screen. Virgil's smile faded and the line moved, it was their turn. “Logan.” He touched the others arm and shook it. Logan blinked and his face turned red as he seemed to have realized he was staring. He cleared his throat and moved up.

“You can order first.” He prompted. Virgil shrugged and ordered a plain black coffee. He went to reach for his wallet but Logan stopped him. “No, I invited you. I will be the one paying.” Logan ordered a decaff coffee with double cream. Logan paid, their drinks were handed to them and they went back to the table Virgil had been sitting at earlier.

The conversation went better than expected. Logan talked about the many Slam Poets he found on YouTube and had memorized quite a few. Logan eventually pulled out a poetry book, just one of their shared favorites, “Pictures of the gone world” by Ferlinghetti. They took turns reading and Virgil all but long forgot about his peanut-butter. It turned into chit chat, then into more of their daily lives and expanding on their interest. Soon it was nearing six and Logan had to leave to leave to study for a test he had on Monday.

They exited the coffee shop and they both looked at each other. Virgil's eyes glanced shyly away and he shoved his hands into his jean pockets, “I had fun, today. Thanks, Logan. And thanks for the coffee.”

“I had fun as well. I expected nothing less, honestly.” Virgil looked over at Logan, who had a small smile on his lips. It quickly fade and his face flushed a bit. “I do, however, do not know how dates end. In movies I have watched, they normally kiss.” Virgil's eyebrows shot up and he could feel his face turning redder than Roman’s Christmas sweaters. Logan looked at him, “Do you mind? I don't want to be presumptuous and make you uncomfortable. I wouldn't do anything without your clear consent.”

Virgil licked his lips and could still taste the peanut-butter, that was somewhat comforting. Though if he could reach inside and scoop some out with his hands and shoved it into his mouth, he would. That would be embarrassing though and he would have to kill himself after pulling a stunt in front of Logan like that.

“Is that a no?” Virgil's heart pounded in his chest.

“No- I mean- yes- no! I mean-ugh! Yes, you can kiss me.” He whispered the last half. Logan looked amused and took a few steps forward. He leaned down and was inches away from Virgil's lips but stopped and pulled back. Virgil blinked,  “What? Change your mind?”

“No. No, I do want to kiss you.” Logan looked confused, and was staring at Virgil like he was some sort of puzzle.

“Then why didn't you?”

“Why do you smell like peanut-butter? I don't recall you eating peanut-butter.” Virgil rubbed under his nose nervously and looked away.

“I had some before you showed up?”

“I see. Well, I know you didn't know, but I am severely allergic to peanuts.” Virgil's eye's widened as he looked at Logan in shock and he put his hands over his mouth.

“I'm so sorry! I-”

“It's fine, Virgil. I didn't tell you so you couldn't have known. That was...” Logan paused, adjusting his glasses, “...an error on my part.”

Virgil uncovered his mouth and bit his lip nervously. “Okay. Well, next time, I'll be prepared.” Virgil quickly backtracked, “If you want there to be a next time.” Logan let out a small laugh though his nose.

“Yes. I do.” Perfect. Opportunity opened. Time to strike.

“I do have a...” Virgil tried for a better word. “...proposition.” Logan looked curious. That might not have been the right word to use. Best to use your own vocabulary. Now he had to make sure that the word he used made sense. Virgil stared at Logan for a few beats before Logan's face went from curious to concerned.

“Is everything alright?”

“Ah, okay, I used the wrong word! I messed up!” Virgil looked away in embarrassment and it took Logan a second before giving Virgil an highly amused look.

“That is fine, Virgil. Express whatever you say in your own words.”

Virgil sighed and looked back at Logan, who still looked amused. “My friends are having this party on Valentines Day and I was wondering if you wanted to, ya know, go with me.” Virgil shrugged and looked down as he fiddled with the strings of his hoodie.

“I think that would be a great idea, I would love to meet your friends. I also never have celebrated Valentines Day. I see it as some unneeded marketing tool and some pointless 'holiday' to celebrate the people that you love, when you should be doing that every day anyway.” Logan blinked, realizing he was rambling and looked at Virgil, who was grinning.

“I like you.”

It was the day of the Valentines Day party and Virgil had invited Logan over to his apartment to stay for a few hours till it was time to leave. Of course, Virgil was nervous and had cleaned the apartment so well that he didn't think it had been even been this clean when he first moved in. He should take pictures and show his landlord and have HER pay HIM for once. There was a knock on the door and Virgil looked at the clock, the party started at six and he told Logan to be by at four. It was exactly four. What a nerd. Virgil couldn't help the grin that spread over his face as he rushed over to the door, he tried to compose his face into at least a regular smile.

“Good afternoon, Virgil.”

“Logan.” Logan walked in and looked around, but staying in once spot.

“It quite pleasant.” Virgil rolled his eyes and shut the door.

“Yeah. It's nice. Hopefully, one day I'll be able to own a house.”

“That would be ideal.” Virgil hmm'd in response and grabbed a bag of chocolates off the coffee table in the living room.

“Hey, Specs, catch.”

“Specs-?” Logan barely had time to respond as a piece of chocolate candy was coming towards his face. He ducked and hit the wall behind him. Virgil laughed and popped one his mouth.

“Nice.”  Logan looked up at Virgil with a frown.

“A warning would be 'nice'.”

“I did. I told you to catch.”

“A better warning next time. Also, why did you call me 'specs'?”

Virgil tapped his temple and with his free hand, “Glasses.” Logan looked unamused. “Lets try again. Do I need to count to three this time?” Virgil tried to bite back a smile as Logan gave him a 'are you serious' look. Virgil shrugged and threw the candy. Logan caught it and looked down at it. It was a Hershey kiss. Logan raised an eyebrow and walked towards Virgil as he fiddled with it.

“I have an idea.” Virgil made a questioning noise in response but wasn't paying attention to Logan. He turned back to Logan who was almost completely up in his space. Virgil nearly jumped out of his skin and his heart began to race. No, no, not now. He willed himself to calm down and surely enough, he did. Logan looked serious, he usually did but there was something in his eyes. Something playful? Mischievous?

“How about we...retry our parting attempt from last time?” Virgil licked his lips and nodded. Logan looked mildly nervous for a second before he unwrapped the kiss and stuck it between his lips. Virgil looked confused and Logan waved a hand in front of his face, as if telling him to go just go with it. Logan took a deep breath, cupped Virgil's face with both of his hands and pressed their lips together.

The kiss was now shared between them and it was sweet and Logan tasted a bit like cinnamon tea. The kiss was melting the longer their lips stayed together. Virgil licked the inside involuntarily, also brushing Logan's and making the man shiver and pull away, a small thin string of saliva following then breaking apart.

“Gross.” Logan deadpanned.

“The kiss or the kiss saliva?” Virgil laughed. Logan rolled his eyes and licked his lips then opened his mouth to say something then froze.

“You had peanut-butter.”

“What?”

“I can taste it.” There was a bit of panic rising in Logan's voice.

“Logan, calm down it's not-”

“I need to get to the hospital. Of all day's I didn't bring my pen!” Logan looked as frantic as he sounded as he tore out his cell from his pocket. Virgil reached over and took it from his hands. Logan looked dumbfounded then furious, “What do you think you are doing?!”

“Trying to explain to you that you aren't dying!” Virgil said in a frustrated tone. Logan opened his mouth but Virgil held up a hand. He walked into the kitchen, opened up a cabinet, walked back into the room and shoved the jar into Logan's hands. Logan looked down at it and then tilted it so he could read the label.

“SunButter...?”

“Yeah...” Virgil traced the outside of Logan's phone with fingers, “its a peanut-butter alternative. Its organic or some shit. It's nut free and healthy is what I'm saying.” Virgil looked up. “So, are you done freaking out?” Logan stared at Virgil blankly. Virgil curled in on himself reflexively, “What?”

“You gave up eating regular peanut-butter for me?”

Virgil averted his eyes then they went back to Logan, he shrugged, “I need to eat something healthier anyway. I tastes better too, honestly.” 

Logan put the jar down, walked over to Virgil and pushed their lips together and wrapped his arms wrapped around Virgil's waist. Virgil melted into it and the phone dropped onto carpet as he slowly and carefully, put his arms around the back of Logan's neck. Who knew peanut-butter could taste this good.

[brokestminimalist]

Be Prepared for the Apocalypse!

We know what you’re thinking.  Having a disaster kit isn’t minimalist!  It’s just a bunch of junk you’re keeping “just in case” and that goes against everything minimalism is about.  Normally we would agree with you.

HOWEVER.

We live in tornado country.  Spring and summer are incredibly nerve wracking. Remember those tornadoes that fucked up the South in 2011?  We were hunkered down in the basement of the factory we worked in that day, with 1200 other employees and no electricity.  It took us 30 minutes to drive home less than a mile because there were so many trees and power lines down.  We went out that weekend to help with cleanup in Hackleburg and Phil Campbell, Alabama and they were just... fucking flattened. We took the following photo in Hodges, AL in April 2011.  Check out the black helicopter.  PS, this was a residential neighborhood.  Note the disappeared houses and utility poles.

Our BFF’s house in Tuscaloosa was totally destroyed.  She survived by hiding in her tub with her boyfriend. So you bet your ass we’ve got a disaster kit and a Shelter-In-Place plan.  We don’t have a Bugout plan because we can’t fit all our pets in the car with us, and also because if we’re bugging out so is the rest of the city and we don’t want to die in our vehicle when the big one hits.  We’d rather die in our cozy house with our dogs.  Also, running from a tornado in your car is a dumb move.  In 2011 many of those killed had been caught in their vehicles when the storms hit.

ANYWAY.

The point is, you need an emergency preparedness plan and you need some supplies to keep you afloat for 3-5 days until the power comes back on or rescue arrives. Starving, freezing and wandering around in the dark are not minimalist goals.  So let’s go over some things you might need:

Light:  You could use candles, oil lanterns or flashlights if the power is out.  If there is a burn ban due to the possibility of ruptured gas lines (listen to your radio to find out)  you’ll need to rely on flashlights to keep from blowing yourself up.  In that case, LED ones will last much longer than old school ones.  Keep enough batteries to power these for a few days and make sure to replace them when they expire every few years.  To conserve these items, get what you can done during the day and plan to sleep after sundown.  (Or at least sit in the dark awake and tell ghost stories to scare the crap out of your kids.  Ahhh, childhood memories!)

Food: Stock a cabinet with non-perishables like potted meat, crackers, peanut butter and granola bars.  Make sure they can be eaten cold or heated over a fire, in their original container if possible.  Keep a can opener with these items if they don’t have pop-tops. If you want to get fancy, you could get a bucket of freeze-dried meals that you just add water to or a box of those emergency ration bars.  We hear those are gross, though, so try to stock up food that won’t be miserable to eat.  If there’s a disaster having tasty food to eat might be the bright spot in your shitty day.  Most of these items do expire eventually, so keep an eye on the dates.

Water: You’ll need one gallon per person per day of clean water for drinking and washing.  This can be in gallons bought from the store, or if you know there’s a storm coming you can fill your sinks and bathtubs beforehand.  If you want to get fancy, get a Waterbob.  Keep your pets in mind too.  Look at their size and calculate how much they need and keep it on hand.  You could also invest in filtering devices or chemical tablets to make rain or river water drinkable.

Heat: If it’s summer and the power is out, you’re just going to have to sweat.  However, if it’s winter you’ve got some options assuming there isn’t a burn ban.  The most basic one is to have a stock of firewood for power outages.  You can use a fireplace or fire pit to burn it for warmth and cooking.  There are also kerosene and propane heaters, which often have a little spot on top for heating up a pot of food or water.  Make sure you’ve got tanks of the appropriate fuel on hand and that you know how to use these devices properly.  Also keep some blankets in waterproof containers with your disaster stuff, and grab a pack of space blankets and learn how to use them.  (They aren’t like regular blankets.)

Communication: Since it’s possible that phone lines and cell towers will be down, you need some way to get info.  An emergency NOAA radio will do the trick.  You won’t be able to communicate with family, but you’ll hear weather alerts and get instructions.  Many of these things are also FM radios, so you can check your local stations for specifics on where to go for aid if you need it, as long as those stations are up and running.  Our radio happens to also be a solar flashlight and a USB charger, so check those out.

Shelter: If your house is still standing, even if it’s somewhat damaged, staying there is your best bet.  Cover broken windows with plastic shower curtains and tape and shelter in the most intact room.  If there’s no heat, light your fireplace if possible and pop a tent in front of it.  If you are caught without shelter, you’ll need a tent and good sleeping bag.  These can be had from sports and outdoors shops or the internet.  Get ones that fold up as small as possible for storage, but are still good quality so you won’t freeze.

First Aid: Hopefully you’ll come out unscathed, but keep a solid first-aid kit anyway.  You can buy good pre-assembled kids from the Red Cross, or put together your own.  You’ll need antiseptic, analgesics, bandages, gauze, ointment, and at least a week’s supply of your own prescription meds and your kid’s and pet’s.  Check the expiration dates regularly and keep all of this in a sealed, waterproof container.  Here’s some random stuff from our kit we inspected today:

Clothes: Keep three to five days worth of clothes, socks and underwear per person in a waterproof container.  If there’s flooding or your roof is damaged, all your other clothes might get wet or contaminated.  Keep some sturdy boots in there too.

Sanitation:  Keep some trash bags, disinfectant spray and hand wipes available.  No one wants to die of dysentery during the apocalypse.  Baby wipes are great for refreshing yourself when there is no shower available.  Also you may want some personal hygiene stuff in a waterproof container like toilet paper, feminine hygiene products, toothbrushes and tissues.

Fire prevention: Not all disasters are caused by wind.  Make sure your smoke alarms work and that you’ve got an up-to-date fire extinguisher in every kitchen on every floor.  Baking soda will also put out a fire.  If you’re maintaining a fire pit or fireplace during a disaster (or even on a normal day) keep a big bucket of sand for putting it out safely.

Kids: Put back some baby formula and diapers if you’ve got little kids.  Any medications they need, clothes and blankets and kid-sized sleeping bags.  We’d also recommend some entertainment items like books, crayons and coloring books, toys or board games.  Trying to get a tree out of your kitchen will be a lot harder if you’re trying to deal with bored kids.

Pets:  Keep 3-5 days of extra food and water on hand in waterproof containers for each pet, plus leashes and collars, blankies, crates, ID tags and rabies certificates, and any meds they need.  Kitty litter and disposable litter boxes are a plus.

Miscellaneous: It may be handy to have some other items put away, such as a battery backup for your phone, spare glasses, a whistle or emergency flares to signal for help, firestarters or cigarette lighters or matches in a waterproof container, a compass and map, spare keys, cash, or important documents.  We have a favorite book put away, too.

~HAVE A PLAN IN PLACE~

Now that you’ve got your supplies, hopefully put away in plastic totes and waterproof containers in a secure location, it’s time to talk about plans.  You should have a plan for any disasters that are likely in your area, and you should have an annual family meeting to talk about and update these plans.  For everything except fire, be prepared to get your kids and pets corralled indoors. Here are some examples:

Fire:  Suppose your smoke alarm goes off at 2 AM.  Do you have a fire extinguisher? Where are you going to go?  Are you sure your windows aren’t painted shut?  Do your kids know how to open them and pop the screens out?  Where is your cat?  Where are you all going to meet once you escape?  Whose door can you knock on in the middle of the night to call 911 and whose job is that going to be?  Answer these questions and talk to your family about all of them.

Flood: Check your local maps to find out if your house is in a likely flood zone. You’ll probably have warnings before this happens, but do have plans in place.  Are you going to get in the car and leave ahead of time? Are you going to stay and live on your roof? Can everyone swim?  We’re not too familiar with flood danger because we live at a high-ish elevation, so anyone who is, feel free to chime in with advice.  Do not leave your pet behind to die like some assholes did in Florida last year.  Those people are shitbags who deserve to drown.

Stormy weather: Tornadoes and hurricanes and even just regular old straight-line wind can fuck your shit up.  Do you have time to get to a nearby community storm shelter, or are you going to have to stay at home?   What room in your house is safest?  Do you have a basement?  Do your kids know to stay away from doors and windows?  How are you going to restrain your pet from roaming into the less-safe parts of the house?  

Earthquake:  All we really know about these is standing in a doorway.  FEMA says you should know the safest spots in your house and practice going there and holding on until the shaking stops.  Assess your situation afterwards and be careful of damaged buildings or other structures.  Our history professor insists that this continent is overdue for an earthquake at the New Madrid fault and it’s going to screw much of North America, so even if you think you live in a place where earthquakes don’t happen it’s worth going over a plan for this once a year.

Blizzards, ice storms: These ones are all about staying in and staying warm and fed until the power comes back on.  Keep tons of blankets ready, have your heat source planned in advance (fire, propane, etc.) and hunker down until its over. Your kids and pets may want to play in the snow, but don’t let them be out there for more than 20-30 minutes at a time. Falling trees are a major danger during ice storms, as is skidding off the road in your car.  DO NOT DRIVE during an ice storm unless it’s to the ER.  Forget about your job; no minimum wage bullshit is worth your life.

Other natural disasters: If you live in an area where you are at risk from volcanoes, wildfires, mudslides or tsunamis look up procedures for those and make a plan with your family.  These are probably situations where you’ll need to GTFO instead of staying at home, so be prepared for that and know where you’re going to go.  And please, if your local government tells you to get out, then get out.  We know it’s hard, but stuff is just stuff.

Epidemic: If there’s a major outbreak of flu, ebola, or whatever, stay at home and avoid people at all costs.  You’ll need a much more extensive supply of food and water for this one.  Check out the CDC’s website.

Nuclear war:  Our plan is to die at the beginning, but if you’re looking to survive there are lots of websites out there that can give you good advice.  Some general stuff we’ve heard is to evacuate as early as possible, never look in the direction of the blast (to avoid going blind, yeah?) and stay underground if you can’t get away in time.  Basements, wine cellars or real fallout shelters are your best bet.  If you’re outdoors during the blast or fallout, rinse off with lots and lots and lots of water and don’t eat or drink anything that may be contaminated with radioactive dust.  Good luck friends, cause we won’t be out there with you.

Zombies: We also plan to die at the beginning of this one, so we can hopefully eat the brains of that Mrs. Kravitz-esque bitch down the street.  If you want to live, board up your windows and shelter in place, we guess.  You’ll need lots of extra food and water for this one too, and maybe a good stockpile of ammo.  Watch The Walking Dead or something for ideas.

It’s early in the year still, so you’ve got time before shitty weather season to get ready.  If you’re reading this you’re probably broke like us, so try to set aside a few dollars from each paycheck for some canned goods, first aid, and batteries.  Collect stuff weekly and by spring you’ll be better off.  Good luck and stay alive, peeps!

Links: Pet Disaster Kit, Zombie Survival, Bugging Out