#(so this is a complicated identity to tag; the character uses the word asexual and not aromantic to describe herself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bluejayblueskies · 4 years ago

Text

an ill-fitting definition

rating: M words: 4.3k relationships: jongeorgie, jontim, jonmartin, background wtgfs additional tags: canon compliant, pre-canon, scottish safehouse period, canon asexual character, fluff, kissing, implied sexual content, rumors and misconceptions

written for weeks two/three of @archivalpride for the prompts identity and doubt!

cw for misconceptions about asexuality, assumptions made about somebody’s sexuality, rumors and outing somebody without their knowledge, non-explicit/implied sexual content, mention of canonical character death, mention of canonical stalking and paranoia, gossip (including of the sexual nature), food, very mild blood, mild internalized acephobia

ao3 link in source

It’s three weeks and two days after they began dating, when Georgie picks up Jon’s hand where it’s clasped in hers and asks with plain curiosity in her voice, so does the ring, y’know, mean anything?, that Georgie hears the word asexual cross Jon’s lips for the first time.

It’s not a word she’s unfamiliar with; she’s run in enough LGBTQ spaces in her time in uni that she has a good idea of the breadth of identities that are out there. She rubs her thumb across Jon’s ring and thinks, in the voice of the gender and equality training instructor with sharp red heels and a “fun” black dress who’d stood in front of the seminar she’d been mandated to take for one of her courses:

Asexuality. A lack of sexual attraction. An aversion or repulsion to sexual activities.

It had been a small word on a large black-and-white slide, crammed in next to aromanticism and overcrowded by a myriad of other sexual identities discussed at length. It had been… quite a comprehensive training, Georgie thinks as she quits fidgeting with Jon’s ring and instead threads their fingers together. For a moment, she considers asking what he means anyway, but she quickly dismisses the thought. She wants to be supportive, and as Jon looks at her with open, trusting eyes and a faint smile, she decides that she knows enough. She doesn’t want to make it awkward, and with things like these, she’s found that asking Jon to explain his feelings in plain terms can be… well, awkward is certainly a word for it. Best just not to bring it up, she decides.

Still, she feels the need to ask, “Can I kiss you?” because the red no sex sign blinking on and off in her head is frustratingly vague on what, exactly, is contained within that stipulation. When Jon voices his assent, she tips her head up and presses a quick kiss to his chin before kissing him on the lips, wiping the disgruntled look off them.

So yes to kissing, she thinks, tucking that away next to no sex. Yes kissing, no sex. Yes holding hands, she adds as she squeezes Jon’s hand in hers and he smiles at her, warm and soft, that special side of Jon that she only sees on occasion. No pet names, she adds a week later when she tries out sweetheart and Jon’s nose wrinkles with displeasure. No foot rubs, when Jon swats at her and says, between giggles, that he’s awfully ticklish. Yes back rubs. Yes cuddling. No PDA. No touching with wet or sticky hands. Yes brushing hair.

That’s as far as she gets before, one year and two months after she begins dating Jonathan Sims, she stops. After which point she stops keeping track, because, well. There’s really no point anymore, is there?

“I’m sorry,” Jon says, burying his head in his hands.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Tim says quickly, holding his hands in the air in a placating gesture. He scoots a few inches away from Jon on the couch for good measure, unsure just how much space Jon needs right now. “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize—I should apologize. I should have asked first.”

“It’s just—” Jon makes a frustrated noise, and when he takes his hands away his cheeks are dark and he won’t meet Tim’s eyes. “It’s complicated.”

“It’s okay,” Tim repeats, watching with a twisting feeling in his stomach as Jon apparently notices that the button of his trousers is still undone and quickly goes to redo it. His eyes follow the movements of Jon’s hands automatically, and just as automatically, he notes the distinct lack of a tent in the front of Jon’s trousers. The same… cannot be said for his own. Particularly after nearly twenty minutes of kissing, which Tim had very much enjoyed.

Christ, had Jon been uncomfortable with that as well? All in a rush, Tim says, “Was the kissing bad too?” Then, he winces—fuck, that sounded accusatory—and adds, “It- it’s okay if it was, I just- I didn’t know, and I don’t want to do something that makes you uncomfortable, Jon.”

“No, the- the kissing was fine, it’s just...” Jon makes an aborted motion with his hands, like he’s trying and failing to find the words.

“... complicated?” Tim supplies.

Jon nods mutely.

“That’s okay,” Tim says, and he finds that he means it. “We don’t have to do anything more than kissing if you don’t want to.”

“I- I don’t…” Jon worries his bottom lip between his teeth. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, like he’s searching for the right words, the crease in his forehead deepening every moment he fails to find them. Finally, he lets out a long, labored breath, pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers, and says, “Yes, that… that might be best.”

Tim studies Jon’s face. It’s pinched and a bit stiff, like Jon would very much like to crawl out of his skin or melt into a puddle and disappear. “You sure?” he feels compelled to ask, placing a hand carefully on Jon’s knee. “You, uh. You seem a bit unsure.”

Jon sits there a moment more, spine straight and rigid, before melting slightly against Tim’s hand, his face slipping into something more relaxed but no less unhappy. “Yes.” He hesitates a moment, then says, a bit stiltedly, “I’m, um. I’m asexual. Since we’re already talking about this, I… I may as well get that out in the open as well.”

Oh. A few pieces slot into place, and Tim says with perhaps a bit more enthusiasm than necessary, “Oh. Why didn’t you tell—?” He cuts himself off and offers Jon a sheepish smile. “Sorry, sorry. That was rude of me. Thank you for telling me.”

“We’re dating,” Jon says bluntly. “It was going to come up eventually.”

“Still.” Tim shrugs, then reaches for Jon’s hand and holds it tightly in his. “Thanks.” He hesitates only a moment before leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss to Jon’s nose. Jon makes a disgruntled noise, which Tim thinks is adorable. Then, because it feels appropriate, he says, “Y’know, Danny… Danny was asexual. Aromantic too, actually. We had a big talk about it a few years ago where he sort of… laid it all out for me.” No sex, no romance, no thank you, had been the overall gist of it. Tim makes a new box for Jon and fills it in with the words no sex, yes romance, it’s complicated.

“Oh,” Jon says quietly, with that same sort of sadness in his eyes that he gets every time Tim mentions Danny, something much gentler than pity and significantly less cloying. If Tim notices the faint discomfort that accompanies it, something that whispers that isn’t my definition of asexuality, we’re not the same, you don’t understand if one were to listen closely enough, he doesn’t let on.

Tim does, however, notice the discomfort in Jon’s eyes—now mixed with anger—when two years, six months, and seven days later, he accuses Tim of murder. But by then, their days of hand-holding and nose-kissing are far, far behind them.

“Maybe he just needs to get laid,” Melanie says with a groan, lying on Georgie’s couch and staring at the ceiling. The Admiral is curled up on her lap, purring contentedly. She scratches absentmindedly under his chin.

“What, Jon?” Georgie appears in Melanie’s field of vision, wielding a damp wooden spoon and frowning.

“No. No.” Melanie shakes her head emphatically. “Martin. He’s been all… sulky lately. I think he’s still upset that Jon came to me instead of him for help, but I don’t know why he has to be all… touchy about it.”

“Ah. Well, you know, he is a bit hung up on Jon. At least, according to you.”

“I don’t see how that’s my problem,” Melanie says grumpily. “Besides, didn’t you say that Jon went on about Martin, like, all the time? Sounds like he’s got it bad as well. Maybe they could just… y’know.”

“Melanie.”

“What?” Melanie tries to shoot Georgie a glare, but it’s obstructed by the back of the couch. “I’m on my last nerve, Georgie!”

“I know, honey. But Jon’s really not… well, he’s not very open about these sorts of things. Getting him to talk about his feelings was like pulling teeth when we were together.”

“It still baffles me that you used to date.”

“He’s very sweet when you get to know him!” There’s a pause, a few clatters from the kitchen. “Besides, even if he and Martin got around to talking, Jon… well, he doesn’t.”

Melanie frowns. “Doesn’t what?”

“Have sex.”

“Really?” Melanie sits up, disturbing the Admiral, who lets out an irritated mrpp before adjusting himself accordingly and curling back up on her lap. “So when you were together…?”

Georgie shakes her head. “Nope. Never.”

“Huh.” Melanie thinks for a moment. “Is he like… religious or something?”

Georgie chuckles. “Jon? No, not at all. He’s asexual.”

“Isn’t that like… that thing that sponges are? Where they self-reproduce?”

“Seriously?”

Melanie scowls at the incredulous look Georgie’s giving her. “What? I’m not being a- a dick, I’ve just never heard of it before.”

“You were a YouTuber. Your job was to be internet famous.”

“Okay, now you’re just making fun of me.”

Georgie shoots Melanie a grin. “Sorry. Basically, it means that Jon doesn’t do sex. Like… at all. He just… doesn’t.”

“Huh,” Melanie says again.

“Yeah.” Georgie turns back to the stove. “Now, come here. Tell me if there’s too much salt?”

“Sorry Admiral,” Melanie whispers as she deposits him onto the floor and crosses the room to wrap her arms around Georgie’s waist from behind and take the bite of sauce on the spoon Georgie holds out for her. “Mm, tastes great. As always.”

And in the back of her mind, Melanie adds another line to the section labeled Jonathan Sims and writes, with careful handwriting, he doesn’t.

Although… according to Georgie, Jon doesn’t.

Martin pauses the tape and rubs his hands over his eyes. His cheeks are burning red, and he takes a few minutes to just breathe.

Doesn’t what? Doesn’t date? Doesn’t kiss? Doesn’t—

Martin stops that train of thought before it goes any further, the flush on his face growing in intensity. It’s none of my business, he tells himself as he ejects the tape and turns it over in his hands a few times before sliding it back into the small box it had come from.

He still can’t help but think about it. He thinks about it before the Unknowing, when Jon hesitates just a moment before wrapping him in a tight hug and whispering, I… I’ll be back, Martin. Then we can talk. He thinks about it when Jon’s in his coma, when Martin sits at his bedside and loses himself in daydreams and what-ifs. He thinks about it when Jon’s hand is clasped in his and he’s leading Martin out of cloying white fog and sea-salt air, his shirt speckled with bits of dark liquid that Martin tries to pretend isn’t blood. He thinks about it on the way to the safehouse, Jon leaning against his side, Martin’s hand clasped firmly in his.

He thinks about it a lot, in the confines of the wooden walls that let in the growing chill of the Scottish countryside.

Jon doesn’t.

He knows what Jon does. Jon makes him breakfast most days, eggs and toast and sometimes waffles, which Martin’s always considered a guilty pleasure but that he’s had more times in the past week and a half than he’s had for the past ten years. Jon puts his head on Martin’s shoulder when they sit on the couch and read, flipping through the dusty novels they’d found tucked in cardboard boxes underneath the bed that Jon had wrinkled his nose at but has been slowly making his way through nevertheless. Jon clings to Martin like his life depends on it when they sleep, and Martin will wake in the morning with one arm slung across his chest, a leg between his, and a sizeable portion of hair tickling at his nose.

And, nine days into their stay, Jon smiles at Martin as he shuffles into the kitchen in the morning, stands on his toes, and presses a soft kiss to Martin’s lips.

“Um,” Martin says eloquently, still half-asleep and trying to process what he’s 98% sure is their first kiss. He’d be 100% sure except for the fact that Jon kissed him like it was nothing, like it was easy, like it was something they do every morning.

The smile slips from Jon’s face, and he looks nervous. “I- I’m sorry, I should have asked first—”

“No, no, it’s- it’s okay,” Martin hastens to say, taking one of Jon’s hands in his and squeezing gently. “Just- just surprised, that’s all. I, um. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to kiss me, given that we haven’t…” He gestures absently, his face heating up. Stop talking, Martin. “Yeah,” he finishes lamely.

“Oh,” Jon says with a frown. “I… apologize for giving you that impression. I- I love you, Martin—I have no problems with kissing you.”

Warmth courses through Martin, as it always does when Jon tells him that he loves him. It all feels so unreal sometimes that he’s here, with Jon, away from it all and living in quiet domesticity. “Oh,” he says, face flushed. “A- all right, then. Great!”

“Great,” Jon echoes.

“Just- just thought maybe you didn’t—”

Martin clamps his mouth shut, face heating up more, this time in embarrassment. Shut up, Martin.

Jon raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t… what?”

“Um.” Martin rubs a hand across the back of his neck. “Kiss?”

Jon looks at Martin blankly. “Oh. Well, I- I do.”

“Right, yeah, I- I put that together. When we, um. You know.”

Jon looks amused. “Kissed?”

“Yep, that,” Martin squeaks out.

They look at each other for a moment before dissolving into giggles. Jon presses another kiss to Martin’s lips and finishes making the waffles and kisses Martin again when he hands Jon his tea, and it’s really quite lovely indeed.

So Martin adds Jon kisses to his mental list of Jon does and finds a sole remainder on the list of Jon doesn’t. And it’s fine with him, he decides, if Jon doesn’t want to have sex. He just wants Jon, in whatever way Jon will have him.

Jon doesn’t do sex, he thinks as he kisses Jon goodnight.

So, three days later, when they’re on the couch and they’ve kissed until Martin is red-faced and breathless and Jon pulls back with a pinched expression on his face, Martin assumes—with hot embarrassment coursing through him—that he’s somehow gone too far and strayed into sex territory and made Jon uncomfortable.

Then, Jon says with cheeks dark and eyes focused resolutely on Martin’s chest, “Martin, would… would you like to move to the bedroom?” and Martin’s thoughts grind to a halt.

“Sorry, what?” is all he can think to say.

Jon’s cheeks grow incrementally darker. “I am asking,” he says slowly, like the words are clunky and unwieldy in his mouth, “if you would like to have sexual intercourse. With me, of course, I- I hope that was implied.”

Martin’s aware that his mouth is quite literally hanging open in shock. He closes it quickly before swallowing and saying, “I… yeah, Jon, I- I’d love that, but I thought you—”

He clamps his mouth shut again, a touch too late. Jon’s forehead creases in confusion and he says, “I what?”

Martin hems and haws for a moment before biting the bullet and saying, all in a rush, “I thought you didn’t like sex.”

Jon’s frown deepens. “What? Why?”

And god, Martin doesn’t want to admit that he’s been thinking about office gossip for nearly a year, but he’s dug his grave—he may as well lie in it. He sighs, worries his hands on his lap, and says, “I… may have listened to a tape where Melanie said that Georgie said that you… didn’t.”

Jon looks at Martin blankly for a moment before his expression flattens into something that’s equal parts irritated and resigned. “Ah. Right. That… that makes sense, I suppose.”

“I’m sorry, Jon,” Martin says emphatically, placing his hand atop Jon’s and squeezing. “I- I didn’t mean to hear it; I was listening to the statements and it was just there.”

“No, it’s… it’s not your fault.” Jon sighs and rubs a hand across his eyes. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”

“What?”

Jon makes an aborted, dismissive gesture with his hand. “I’ve… never been good at explaining my own preferences. I never did with Georgie, just… told her I was asexual and left it at that. I suppose she took that to mean that I, er. Didn’t.”

Asexual. Martin has a vague notion of what that means—he’s been in enough online LGBTQ spaces to have encountered the word before, but he’s never really looked into it much himself. If pressed, he thinks he’d also assume it meant that Jon didn’t. Something a bit guilty twists within him at that thought, amplified by his next thought that Georgie shouldn’t have assumed, because, well, that’s a bit hypocritical, isn’t it? Still, he feels the need to voice it; he squeezes Jon’s hand again and says, “It’s not your fault that she just- just made assumptions about what you wanted, Jon.”

“Yes, but it’s my fault that I never corrected her.” Jon makes a face. “Or Tim, now that I think about it. I… I suppose I’m just not very good at talking about these things. Particularly because my own preferences are…” Jon’s pained expression deepens. “Christ, I don’t want to say complicated again, but there really is no other word for it.”

That’s not your fault either, Martin wants to say, but he knows Jon will just contradict him again, and he’ll repeat himself, and then they’ll just be talking in circles, and that won’t help anything. It’s frustrating, but it’s the truth. Still, Martin finds the words waiting on his lips when he opens his mouth, so he shuts it again and thinks for a moment, promising himself later. I’ll tell him later. Finally, he says carefully, “Do you… do you want to talk about it? We don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I don’t want to assume.” He lets out a humorless laugh. “Well, I don’t want to keep assuming, I suppose, given that I’ve already assumed quite a lot.” Quieter: “Sorry, again.”

“It’s fi—” Jon cuts off, takes a breath. “Th… thank you, Martin.” He hesitates a moment, then says haltingly, “I- I do want to talk about it, but I don’t—” He makes a frustrated noise. “—I don’t know how.”

“Okay,” Martin says after a moment. “You said it’s complicated, yeah?” When Jon nods mutely, he continues, “Would it help if you described how you feel right now? That’s- that’s less complicated, right?”

Jon’s mouth flattens into a thin line. “I… suppose.”

“All right, then.” Martin makes a go-on gesture, then rests his hand atop Jon’s and applies a gentle pressure.

Jon takes a few deep breaths, squints at nothing, makes a few wordless noises, then says bluntly, “I want to have sex with you.”

Martin tries really, really hard not to blush, but he doesn’t think he quite succeeds given how hot his face feels when he says, “Right, okay.” His voice is a bit higher-pitched than normal; he hopes that Jon doesn’t notice. “And, um. Do you always… want to have sex with me? Or just right now.”

Jon grimaces. “That’s where it gets complicated.” He makes an I-don’t-know gesture with his free hand and says, “No? Yes? I don’t know, Martin. I’m told that not wanting sex all the time is- is normal, that- that you have to be in the mood, but apparently I’m just supposed to know when I’ll be in the mood and when I won’t be, and that- that doesn’t really work for me.”

“Are you—” Martin cringes internally, but forces the words out. “—in the mood right now?”

“Well,” Jon grumbles, “not anymore, but I was. And it’s complicated, because even if I am, I- I don’t always want to be touched, but how do you explain that to someone, how- how do you tell someone that it’s mostly no but sometimes yes and there’s a very good chance that I might change my mind halfway through and decide that it’s no after all?”

“I think,” Martin says patiently, “that you just say that.”

Jon gives Martin a look. “Martin.”

“What? It’s true!” Martin gives Jon as reassuring a smile as he can muster. “It made sense to me, at least.”

“Yes, but that’s not—” Jon makes a frustrated noise. “It’s not whether or not it makes sense, it’s whether or not somebody is willing to put up with a sexual partner who doesn’t know whether or not they’re going to want to have sex on any given day, whether they- they’ll be repulsed or interested or want to give but not receive or the other way around or- or something else that I haven’t thought of but that will likely happen because consistency is, apparently, off the cards for me entirely.”

“Hey, hey,” Martin says gently, placing a hand on Jon’s shoulder and rubbing gentle circles with his thumb. “Jon, look at me.” When Jon looks, albeit reluctantly, Martin continues, “I can’t speak for other people, and I- I can’t tell you how to feel, but I can tell you how I feel, and I… I’m willing. No, more than willing—I love you, Jon, all of you, and if this is how you feel, then I love that about you too. Whatever you’re willing to give me, it… it’ll be enough. You’re enough.”

Jon’s cheeks darken and he looks away. After a long moment, he says in a stiff voice, “Well. Thank you, Martin.” Then, a bit softer: “I… I love you too.” He looks at Martin then and offers him a small, weak smile. “It’s… well, it’s still awkward, but it’s not quite as bad—talking about all of this—as I thought it would be.”

“Well, I’m glad you did. Talk to me about it, that is.”

Jon’s smile turns a bit hesitant. “So you would really be okay if I… if I never asked again? To, er. To have sex.”

“Yes,” Martin says, without hesitation.

“Oh,” Jon says quietly. “And- and if I said that I did? Want to? That… that would be okay too? Even if I’d already said that I didn’t?”

“Yep.”

Jon looks down at his hands where they’re twisted tightly in the hem of his jumper, then back up at Martin. “All right.” He hesitates a moment, then says, “And if… if I said that I wanted to have sex… now?”

Ah. It looks like Martin’s not done blushing quite yet. “Yep, that- that’s fine with me,” he squeaks out, then cringes internally. Fine? Really?

Thankfully, Jon doesn’t seem offended; if anything, he seems amused, his mouth quirking up into a small smirk. “All right, then.” He leans forward and presses a kiss to Martin’s lips, soft and chaste and ever-so-slightly lingering before he pulls away. “I, er. I think I’d like to just kiss for a bit, though.” His smile turns teasing. “Foreplay is very important, after all.”

Martin groans and gives Jon a look, his face likely fully tomato-red by now. “Jon.”

“Need to make sure we’re fully in the mood before beginning proceedings—”

“Yes, yes, you’ve made your point,” Martin says, a giggle slipping out around the words. Then, because he’s nothing if not a little mischievous himself, he leans forward and captures Jon’s lips in a kiss, significantly less chaste and a touch more insistent, pressing until Jon is leaned back against the arm of the couch and Martin is hovering over him. Martin disengages from the kiss so he can marvel at the flushed, wide-eyed expression on Jon’s face. “Like that?” he says innocently.

Jon blinks up at him for a few seconds, like he’s not entirely sure how to process everything in front of him, before he smiles, a warm, happy thing that captures Martin’s heart entirely and steals it away. “I do believe that was adequate, yes. Perhaps you should do it again though, just to make sure.”

So Martin does. I love him, he thinks as he kisses Jon on the couch and kisses him again on the bed, kisses him in the spot between his shoulder blades where he always carries tension and in the dip of his clavicle and on the inside of his thigh. And when he’s curled up next to Jon after, he presses another kiss to the crown of Jon’s head and wraps his arms around him and quietly discards his mental lists of does and doesn’t. He’ll start from scratch, he decides, and after a moment’s thought, he comes up with two more lists, upon which it’s surprisingly easy to add item after item after item.

Jon likes to be kissed. Jon likes eggs and toast, but not jam, and likes his tea black and slightly oversteeped. Jon doesn’t like wool because he finds it itchy. Jon doesn’t like white wine, but he likes red, the kinds that are too dry for Martin’s tastes.

Jon likes Martin, and Martin likes him too. So, so much. And even when things change, when Jon finds a white wine he likes at a restaurant they visit and he takes his tea once with honey and enjoys it and he goes through a period where he doesn’t enjoy open-mouthed kisses and Martin adjusts his lists accordingly, that remains.

#archivalpride #the magnus archives #jongeorgie #jontim #jonmartin #tma #jonathan sims #tim stoker #georgie barker #melanie king #martin blackwood #my fic #my writing

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ficrections · 3 years ago

Text

What I Have With You (I don't want with anyone else) (73530 words) by lululawrence/ @lululawrence

Chapters: 11/11

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, Niall Horan/Shawn Mendes

Characters: Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, Shawn Mendes, Jay Tomlinson, Anne Cox, Gemma Styles, The Tomlinson Family

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Louis Tomlinson, Alpha Harry Styles, Alpha Niall Horan, Alpha Zayn Malik, Beta Liam Payne, Omega Shawn Mendes, Asexual Louis Tomlinson, Aromantic Harry Styles, Casual Acephobia, Casual arophobia, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Meet the Family, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Communication, Mating Cycles/In Heat, it's actually rut but this is the tag they give us so, No Smut, there is discussion of sex though, Sexual Identity, romantic identity, Banter, Roommates, American Harry Styles, American Louis Tomlinson, everyone is American sorry lol

Summary:

Louis smiled. “I’m sorry for how I ran away last night.”

“It’s totally fine. I’m sorry I did all that. I never asked if you were okay with it, and I really should have.”

Louis didn’t know how to respond to that. “I mean, I wasn’t really telling you no before that. How were you to know I’d be fine and then… not.”

“Well, if I had asked you first like I should have, then I would have known your boundaries.”

“How can you know my boundaries when even I don’t?” Louis scoffed. “Shit.”

Louis hadn’t meant to say that much to Harry. It’s not like he was embarrassed by who he was, but he still didn’t really talk about it openly either.

“What do you mean?” Harry asked.

Louis shook his head and kept his eyes trained on Harry’s chest. The shirt was old enough he could see the ghost of Harry’s tattoos through it.

“It’s a long and complicated story that is also very boring, so I don’t think you actually want the answer.”

Or Louis is an asexual alpha, Harry is his aromantic alpha friend and possible roommate, and faking a relationship might be exactly what they need to get their families and friends off their backs.

#a year of epic reads #week one #fic rec #lululawrence #larry fic

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duchessofostergotlands · 3 years ago

Note

I am asexual and I was born between those weird transitional years between Millennials and Gen Z and your tags are scary accurate. I call myself asexual in theory/in my mind but I have a hard time thinking of myself as anything but a straight person with higher standards. I also never tell potential dates that i’m asexual because I don’t want them to overthink it. Anyway, at this rate all I want is to meet a man that’s not boring by the time I’m in my mid 30s

I'm so glad there's at least two of us haha. I'll go into a bit more detail for people if it's interesting or helpful but feel free to tune out because it is long.

I started thinking about this again more seriously because I saw this article about a tiktok trend (such a dumb thing to kick it off but it's true) around "compulsory heterosexuality." It was saying that if you answer yes to x questions then you might be someone who is a lesbian or bi and you just conform to heterosexuality because it's easier, it's been forced into you etc. All of the things they were saying applied to me. I'm attracted largely to unattainable men - celebrities, fictional characters etc - because there's no chance of ever having to navigate a relationship or sex. I'm attracted to men until they're attracted to me. When I go on dating apps I look for reasons not to match with the guy. I feel nauseous when I think about genuinely trying to have sex with a man, not just fantasies. The videos have a lot of issues but they sparked a thought in me for a moment. But I do know I'm not a lesbian. I could be bi, maybe, as I am attracted to women in a way that's different from wanting to look like them or recognising their aesthetic beauty but personally for various reasons I don't think I'd ever be in a relationship or have sex with a woman either. But I did think that if I was saying yes to all of these questions then maybe there was something else going on. I looked into asexuality more closely and saw how much of a spectrum it is. You and I both understand that kind of attitude that heterosexuality is attraction to the opposite sex, homosexuality to the same sex, bisexuality to both, asexuality to no one. That's how it was portrayed when we were growing up, especially given the fact trans rights were still so far behind and our parents or teachers wouldn't ever have explained gender vs sex or sexuality vs gender identity. Even in this message, I probably phrased this differently to how Gen Z would because when I talk about men and women I'm mostly talking about cis people! That's my default, even though I've been attracted to more trans or non binary people than cis people!

Some of the categories and interpretations of asexuality did fit with me. However, I still don't know if it's right for me either. The complicating factor is my childhood did not set me up to handle attachment, it has kind of stunted me in a way where I feel very much like a child and that sex and relationships are for "grown ups" (if anyone has ever noticed I use the words girl and boy more than woman and man, that's why; the idea of referring to myself as a woman instead of a girl makes me a bit sick), it's made it very hard for me to ever consider myself as being a desirable person. I have in the past had fluctuations. Whenever I've been regularly having sex I feel more comfortable with it. I don't enjoy most sexual activities but I don't feel that shame and disgust and to be honest maybe they were just not clicking with me. Like right now I haven't had sex since before the pandemic, I have barely even been in a room with a human male, so is that just making the feelings worse? So my childhood experiences coupled with the fact my feelings do fluctuate makes me doubt it's asexuality.

I don't have a conclusion right now which is ok. I know that I want companionship. That's something I do know. I want someone who supports me and loves me in a special kind of way (this is probably mummy/daddy issues coming out). What I don't know is who I want that person to be and what I want our relationship to be. It's all just messy in my brain. If you're open to it I'd love to hear more about how you came to accepting you are asexual and what that process was like. I am by no means expecting you to "fix" me or anything, don't worry, but it's not something I've ever spoken about with anyone before! I'm also happy to chat privately if that's easier for you

#ask #anon #asexuality #non royal #personal #sexuality

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my-strange-attraction · 4 years ago

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What being a loveless aro means to me

I didn’t really know if I was going to acknowledge Arospec Awareness Week on this blog just because I talked so much about the aspec communities during Asexual Awareness Week and college is kinda busy right now but I came across a few posts talking about loveless aros and figured I’d write my own story down because I’ve only really acknowledged my loveless aro identity in passing in the tags of posts on here before. God that was all one sentence. Ok, without further adieu, I’m just going to get into what will probably be yet another essay post. If you’re following me these are just a given by now haha.

If you told me even just a year ago that I would call myself not only aro but a loveless aro, I would’ve laughed in your face. I had to work myself up to using all of the terms that I use for myself now by convincing myself that if I didn’t feel love in one way surely I could still feel it in another. I called myself ace because there was still a shot at romance, and I called myself aro after hearing about qprs because I could still enter a loving partnership, and I’ve eventually worked myself up to using the labels of “non-partnering” and “loveless.”

Love is confusing. It’s definitely not to be confused with attraction or affection because as I’ve said on here many times before, I have very strong platonic inclinations, perhaps more so than most people. But love and strong emotional bonds have always been tricky for me, even though I read all about them in books and the relationships between characters is my favorite thing to explore in media and really by all means I should not be as confused by it as I am.

The only people I’ve never had trouble saying I love are my mom and my little sister. My dad and I have a complicated relationship and my older brother feels distant even though over the years we’ve grown closer. Even from a young age, I had trouble saying out loud that I love my dad, not because I don’t care about him but because that’s just how our relationship evolved--we’ve never been particularly affectionate with each other and we even had a running joke when I was younger that I “sorta kinda liked” him. My mom was always vocal with her love for us children and my sister was my best friend growing up. We had spats but we shared a bedroom and we loved playing together and we always made up by the morning because that’s just how we were.

Yet sometimes now I feel like the word “love” is weird coming out of my mouth. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it fits the situation, but most of the time it feels too loaded, and I operate better in situations where it feels more casual like saying goodbye in the morning or ending a call or that time in freshman year of high school where I was best friends with a girl who gave out “I love you”s to all her friends all the time. It’s better, I guess, when it feels more like routine than actual sentiment. When I end the rare FaceTime call with my best friend from childhood and she says “love you” I pretend I didn’t hear or I say it really quick. This is not routine. I’m not used to it. And we only talk every once in a while anyways.

I always feel really weird at the beginning of friendships too. Usually I don’t notice a friendship forming until the person in question has been talking to me for a while or until they call me their friend and I realize oh that’s happening. I also have trouble really opening up to people and feeling like I truly connect with them and that they truly know me. I have a strange thing about me where every once in a while I’ll make a friend and they start calling me their best friend before I even think of them as a close friend. This happened more in elementary and middle school but it’s very strange to me. Maybe it’s just my consistency or that I’m a good listener. I don’t really know, it just happens.

That, and when I do have a close friendship, people always assume that a) we’re related (when I was young, mostly, people always though my friends were my sister or something) or b) that we’re lesbians in gay love with each other (because I usually only make friends with girls idek). The way I have friendships is really intense for other people but I don’t really know why because for me it just feels like a friendship. I don’t know how else to describe it. It’s sharing interests and passing the time together so we’re not lonely. My friends are amazing, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t feel that same level of emotional connection that allows me to say I love my mom and sister without cringing.

This has gotten very rambly so I’m going to wrap it up, but in conclusion, I’ve realized over the past few months that my relationship with love is and has always been fraught, even before I identified as aro, and even in a non-romantic context. Calling myself loveless is freeing in a way, because it gives me a community and tells me I’m not a weirdo for being squeamish about the word “love” the way I am. I love love, and I love romance, and I love found family and all that stuff--I just don’t love it for me and that’s ok. Here’s to the green heart emoji 💚

#long post #loveless aro #aro #aroace #aromantic #loveless #asaw2021 #arospec awareness week #aromantic spectrum awareness week #arospec #cloudy rambles #another one of cloudy's essay posts

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duckprintspress · 3 years ago

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Hi there! Prospective applicant with a question that I hope hasn't already been asked. I know the FAQ say it doesn't matter what types of fanworks we've created, but since the upcoming anthologies are strictly wlw or mlm, does the story sample ship-type need to match the anthology we're applying to? (Apparently all my wlw fic is either flash or much too long with no good stand-alone chunks in the 1000-2000 word range.)

Hi hi!

Nope, neither what you write "most often" nor which type of ship you put in your submissions has to match the sample. You can submit any writing sample within the guidelines we've provided (which is to say, basically anything 1k to 2k long that doesn't include explicit sex, though if you have something with a similar vibe to that which you think the anthologies are going for, that does tend to work a little better/help us gauge better). Any ship, any fandom, any male/female/other configuration, even gen...as long as when we visit your account, we see the minimum requirements, you're good. And for the submission, it doesn't even need to be something you've posted. Some people submit their original work. Some people even chose to write pieces specifically for their application - one (who was accepted!) - wrote the first 2k of the story they wanted to put into the anthology and applied with that.

Basically, we're flexible. :D

We know many people write mlm because of the biases in casting in a lot of media, and these people would LOVE to wlw given the chance - that's what we're here for, to create the spaces to tell the kinds of stories WE want to tell.

Also as a side note...there's nothing "strict" about how we're viewing wlw/mlm. We're also not restricting people to either a sexual OR romantic definition of "love." mlm and wlw should not be read as intended to exclude asexual or aromantic people and different types of relationships, as well as encompassing genderqueer identities. Characters, just like real people, don't fall into neat boxes. We love it messy. Yes, the anthologies are aimed at audiences who prefer one or the other, and some of those individuals may prefer certain types of stories to other types of stories. But, this is why every story in our anthologies is tagged. People can always skip one if it's not the kind of dynamic that interests them. That same dynamic will surely be why someone else buys the book - these kinds of stories are so rarely told!

Obviously, there are sensitivity issues involved in an approach like this, but we've got a lot of genderqueer people involved in the Press (including myself, I'm AFAB aroace enby, but like, I'm married to a woman, and I'm totally fine if that means people refer to me as wlw...my wife is wlw...) and we will do our best to handle these matters with the sensitivity they require. We love genderswirly and genderqueer characters, and we're generally taking an approach of "if the character would be comfortable/okay with being referred to as wlw/mlm then it'll probably be okay." (This can obviously get complicated in historical settings, where those terms don't exist, but...yeah. It's choppy waters but we'll all navigate them together!) People who are really uncomfortable with genders outside "cis-male" and "cis-female" aren't going to be comfortable with our Press anyway, so we're not attempting to cater to people who think gender is as simple as two boxes that everyone can fit in. We embrace the huge diversity of how people relate to the intersection of their gender and their sexuality, and we encourage all our applicants to do the same. We think as long as people remember that there is not ONE genderqueer/trans/GNC/enby/etc. experience, that there are so so many ways that people navigate and label their identities, that it'll be great and we can get some really interesting stories in the anthologies.

So yeah. All of this is a really long-winded explanation that you may or may not have needed, but I think is important to state, for why we really don't view these anthologies as "strictly" anything. :D Well, other than strictly masquerade stories, anyway. :D

Hope this helps!

-unforth

#anthology 3 and 4 #she wears the midnight crown #he bears the cape of stars #unforth replies

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ao3feed-larry · 3 years ago

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What I Have With You (I don't want with anyone else)

by lululawrence

Louis smiled. “I’m sorry for how I ran away last night.”

“It’s totally fine. I’m sorry I did all that. I never asked if you were okay with it, and I really should have.”

Louis didn’t know how to respond to that. “I mean, I wasn’t really telling you no before that. How were you to know I’d be fine and then… not.”

“Well, if I had asked you first like I should have, then I would have known your boundaries.”

“How can you know my boundaries when even I don’t?” Louis scoffed. “Shit.”

Louis hadn’t meant to say that much to Harry. It’s not like he was embarrassed by who he was, but he still didn’t really talk about it openly either.

“What do you mean?” Harry asked.

Louis shook his head and kept his eyes trained on Harry’s chest. The shirt was old enough he could see the ghost of Harry’s tattoos through it.

“It’s a long and complicated story that is also very boring, so I don’t think you actually want the answer.”

Or Louis is an asexual alpha, Harry is his aromantic alpha friend and possible roommate, and faking a relationship might be exactly what they need to get their families and friends off their backs.

Words: 73530, Chapters: 11/11, Language: English

Fandoms: One Direction (Band)

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, Shawn Mendes, Jay Tomlinson, Anne Cox, Gemma Styles, The Tomlinson Family

Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, Niall Horan/Shawn Mendes

via AO3 works tagged 'Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson' https://ift.tt/3nXBIYv

#larry stylinson #larry fic #ao3 feed larry #What I Have With You (I don't want with anyone else)#<p>b

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sazandorable · 4 years ago

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things I wanna see in ace fanworks!

It’s Ace Week!

And there’s huge variety among the aspec community (spectrum! that’s what it means!), so here’s a post about a variety of things I’d love to see more in fanworks involving asexual characters!

(I’m especially thinking of Jon from The Magnus Archives and Zolf from Rusty Quill Gaming, but this should easily apply across fandoms!)

I’ll try not to repeat it every line but: blanket disclaimer that this is very much a “what I feel, what I want, me, personally” post. Others (including other asexual people) might feel differently, and that’s perfectly okay. That’s kind of the point of this post! This is absolutely not a “here’s the one correct way to write all ace characters that all ace people will enjoy and agree with” Rules post — on the contrary, this is partly in reaction to seeing other people say that they dislike seeing, or don’t dare create, things that I, personally… desperately want to see, actually.

CW: this post will contain references to many common sources of trauma for asexual people, such as aphobia, partner abuse and rape, as well as sex (in general and sometimes in specifics) and asexual people having sex.

So! I, personally, love and would love to see more...

Fanworks by all sorts of asexual creators

No matter what your specific experience is, it is important, and your getting to create and share art about it is important, and you deserve to get that, and there are people interested in seeing it. And the same is true for all the other aces with different experiences, too.

Variety! Room for all of us! Share your experience happily, and let other aces happily share theirs!

Fanworks by allosexual creators

I’m so happy you’re interested in asexuality and in depicting it! I do want my experience to be normalised and seen as a normal thing that anyone can find interesting and relatable, even allosexual people. If you don’t mean to be an asshole about it, if you’re generally interested in exploring asexuality and you’re doing it from the heart, thinking of asexual people as people — then I want to see it, and I want you to be able to give a try to creating or consuming whatever you want, and I do not want you to be attacked for doing it.

Of course, you might still unwittingly fuck up, and people might still get hurt, and truly hurtful things should still be pointed out in order to be improved on; but I want us as a community to help creators up instead of shouting down, and I hope you continue putting thought into creating fanworks involving ace characters.

Keep reading for some tips and suggestions of things to think about, to keep in mind and to look into to improve your representing of us and our experience of it!

Extremely specific, different, kinda weird, niche, Problematic™ content, from creators of any identity (including questioning!), who are wary about sharing it because they think that there’s no audience for it, or that they’re not allowed, or that it’s a bad and evil way to represent asexuality

I want to see that, I’d be thrilled if you did it, I hope you do it, and I want a fandom environment in which you can do that safely because you deserve to. Of course, make sure to provide good tagging and CW!

Awareness that asexuality is a wide varying spectrum of experiences and there is no One Correct or More Valid Way to depict it

Awareness that even people with the same identity, label and life experiences might want to create or consume different things

Permission for everyone to create whatever they like, so long as it’s just done earnestly

No shaming, gatekeeping, accusations of fetishising, etc.

There are newbie writers who will never learn if they’re scared away from trying; there are people who haven’t yet figured out that they are in fact ace and never will if they’re not allowed to explore it safely; there are ace people who consume ace content to feel good about themselves; there are ace people who create ace fic in order to explore complicated, hard, unpleasant experiences and feelings; there are ace people whose experiences do not match stereotypical narratives I’ve most seen brandished around, and those people are just as ace and just as allowed to create and consume whatever they want; I do not want to foster a fandom environment in which people must out themselves and offer up their experience to scrutiny in order to be “allowed” to write certain topics; etc., etc.

Over the past two years, I’ve regularly seen a lot of yelling along the lines of “this work includes x and not x because this character is ace!” or “this fic I just read is the only valid ace fic” or “oh my god everyone look at this, this is the perfect ace fic”. A lot of it comes from a place of defensiveness and/or pride, ace people happy and proud to share something that was, finally, pinning down their experience. That’s awesome! ... For them. There are plenty of other asexual people who don’t relate to or enjoy those narratives — in fact, all the ones I’m thinking of squicked me hard, despite being made by ace creators and accurate to (an) ace experience, and I would be really unhappy if all ace fanworks was like those. Meanwhile, plenty of stuff I enjoy gets accusations of being fetishising.

So it would do a world of wonder for me and my experience of ace fanworks if those things could be internalised by the fandom as a whole!

Clear distinction between “being asexual” and “not interested in sex”, ”sex-repulsed” or “not having sex”

Those can and often do overlap, but the word “asexual” just means “experiencing little or no sexual attraction”!

In fanworks about an ace character, the two are generally linked and the reason a character doesn’t want to have sex tends to be that they’re ace, but the shorthand and immediate assumption that “being ace” automatically and always means “never having sex” or “hating the concept of sex” always feels a little weird to me.

This goes both ways — even if your aspec character is very sexually active and enjoys it, or if they’re demisexual and currently experiencing attraction to their partner, etc. — they’re still a person who experiences little to no sexual attraction in their daily life, they’re still aspec in a way that can be depicted and that I can be made to feel.

On AO3, widespread use of the tag “Canon Asexual Character”…

There are different views on the “correct” way to use that tag, in part because… what's the point of it? Should we use it in every single fic in which the Archivist appears, because he happens to be ace in the canon, even if it doesn’t come up in the fic?

IMO, it is helpful — it indicates to me that the author wrote their story with that character’s asexuality in mind, and it informed their writing of that character. Personally, I use it on fics where it feels “relevant” even if it doesn’t come up, such as a fic from Martin’s POV about Jon not being very touchy-feely (even though it doesn’t specify that that is because Jon is ace), but not a fic from Jon’s POV in which they’re happily living together but it’s not about the physical specifics of their relationship (even though in my head that relationship is non-sexual, but I could have written this specific fic the exact same way if Jon wasn’t ace).

The use or non-use of the tag can also simply help distinguish fanworks that were created and posted before that revelation, and did not depict that character as ace because the creator genuinely wasn’t aware of it.

… but also more detail than that, for instance: tagging the “shade of ace” the character is written as

A few examples:

#aroace Jon

#demisexual biromantic Jon

#greysexual nonbinary Jon

#sexually active kinky asexual Jon

#sex-positive low-libido Jon

#touch-averse Jon

#sex-uninterested ace demiromo Jon in happy QPR with Martin

#sex-repulsed sub Jon gets creative

#aspec Jon experiences sexual attraction for the first time and it’s for freaking Elias of all people oh God oh no

etc., etc.

Those are VERY different things! There’s some I’d be delighted to read, some I’m not interested in, and some that would actively squick me personally for personal reasons but I can think of some friends of mine that would be super happy to see it.

If you don’t know or aren’t sure of the exact terms, or if you wrote a relatively broad scenario and want to let people project any labels on it, you can also just describe what the situation is or how you depicted your character relating to things. That’s still very helpful. For instance:

#Jon doesn’t like kissing but cuddles good

#the struggle of NOT liking touching but craving intimacy

#Jon and Tim pointing at each other like spiderman meme, same hat?? how??

#Daisy and Basira have no idea how to explain their relationship and it’s none of your business

#Zolf is just tired and wants people to stop prying into his love life

etc., etc.

More awareness that there’s plenty of stuff about the ace experience that, while very common, can be squicky or even traumatic, and more tagging/warning about that

Here’s some other things that are common to the ace experience and commonly depicted in fanworks involving ace characters, and that can be genuinely upsetting and potentially triggering and traumatic, whether or not an ace person has encountered it in their own life (lots of CWs in this list, obviously):

encountering aphobia, even clueless and well-meaning

having internalised aphobia, aphobic thoughts, self-hatred, feeling broken or strange

social pressure to have sex or relationships, people being invasive or judgy about others’ love life, feeling disconnected from allo people

trying things out just to see

having sex

enjoying sex

forcing themself to have sex

referring to past sexual experiences as something that they didn’t enjoy

being emotionally pressured into having sex

wanting to please their partner despite not desiring sex

feeling an obligation to satisfy their partner

the prospect of romantic rejection for their asexuality

the idea that they must earn love

the idea that getting their boundaries respected is something exceptional and rare and an incredible sacrifice from their partner

being sexualised by someone else or the object of someone’s fantasies

wanting sex or experiencing sexual attraction for the first time

etc., etc.

Two concepts here that are both simultaneously true: 1) those are indeed very common to the real life experience of ace people, 2) it is possible to depict the ace experience without tackling any of that.

Of course, you can have all that! You can create content about that! That’s very relatable for a lot of people, and that last one, for instance, can in fact be an accurate and important depiction of demisexuality. But it’s also not a given that a fictional work about asexuality will/should depict it, and not a given that all ace people looking for ace content will want to see any item from that list. So please, give content warnings for all that, too.

It would be a tremendous help in curating and improving my experience if this could become a widespread habit — I have lost count of the amount of fics tagged as fluffy that I had to backbutton out because they suddenly threw in something really depressing that I, personally, didn’t want to see happen to a character I project on (while other readers found catharsis, validation and kinship in seeing their experience represented accurately!).

If it does come up, tags about what comes up

Beyond the content warnings for clearly traumatic stuff, is there “#Discussion of asexuality”? Is it “#Coming out as asexual”, or “#Jon discovers the existence of asexuality”? Is there “#Acephobia” (“#Accidental”? “#Casual”? “#Internalised”?)? Is there “#Explanation of asexuality to a clueless partner”, or “#Jon’s partner tells him about asexuality”? Is there “#Relationship negotiation”?

Since, again, not all aces have the same experience, odds are that some people will JUMP happily on content depicting a specific experience which they relate to... and inversely: again, there’s some of that which I personally do not relate to and actively do not want to read.

Detailed tagging is a huge help for me to figure out if a fic about asexuality is going to squick me and make me sad for the evening because ah I am weird after all even amongst my brethren, or if it’s going to be, finally, my heart’s desire, what I’ve been craving for, and make my entire week. (Sidenote, thanks to good tagging I did find the perfect QPR fic I’d been yearning to read last week and I’m still thinking about it right now and so, so, so happy.)

Making it clear when an ace character is going to be having sex — beyond just the ship tag and rating

Reminder that a fic rating alone does not necessarily mean sex! A fic tagged just “#JonMartin” and rated Explicit could have them in a relationship and then an explicitly detailed scene in which Jon dies a excruciatingly gruesome death, or a graphic scene of Martin having some solo fun, or even another character, or a sex scene between another tagged ship.

With smut involving an ace character as with everything else, there are lots of us that do want to see it (for a wide variety of reasons), and obviously there are lots of us that desperately want to avoid it (but might be in the Explicit tag looking for smut involving other ships, or horror or whump content, etc.) — please help us know whether to click or not click!

The normalisation of not expecting/forcing anyone to do things they don’t actively want to do

There’s a relatively common thing in heartwarming ace fic where the ace character is surprised that their allo partner is fine with dating without having sex and the partner goes, “I love you, of course I’m fine with that” and the ace character is all oh, oh, oh I am loved and respected, did not expect that. Or an allo character saying “That’s fine, I don’t make you do anything you don’t want to do,” or “I don’t want to do anything unless you’re into it!”

And I see how it sounds nice and romantic. It probably is to many people. But it can also be extremely sinister and anxiety-inducing in its implications: what if the partner didn’t love the ace character quite that much? What did the ace character expect? If this is amazing and rare, then what was the baseline expectation? If this ace character has dated before, what were their past relationships like, for this to be surprising?

I end up running into it more in fluffy fanworks about asexuality than in fanworks that aren’t. Again — you can absolutely do that, but please tag/warn for it; even if it’s just in passing, in fluff fic it’s really not something I expect from the genre. Even though I might sometimes be specifically in the mood to read an exploration of that, in dark fic or in hurt/comfort fic!

And now for more specific stuff I wanna see in stories:

This last bit is intended as both an encouragement for people who want to create these things and think there’s no audience (there is!!), and as a box of ideas for people who have no idea how to depict the asexuality of characters but want to :3 Again, this is not in any way a statement that these are The Only Correct Way, or even things that all aspec people want to see, nor is it a diss at people who create, consume or want the exact opposite of these things — for that matter, some of the items on this list are mutually exclusive. It’s just my own tastes and literally just stuff I personally would love to see (more).

Ace character being single, happy to be single, and happily ace

Asexuality being written in but a complete non-issue, not discussed, not brought up, not even to reassure the ace character that It Is Fine

Ace character being flippant and snarky about their asexuality, making jokes and memes about it

Ace character not caring about other people’s perception of them at all

Ace character feeling only pride and happiness and comfort about that label

More than one ace character! Extra love for them having some similarities and also some differences!

Intersectionality: ace character being also aro, trans, nonbinary, bi or pan, polyamorous, kinky, a drag queen, a dom or sub, neurodivergent, disabled, non-white, … ; asexuality being just one part of their identity

Asexuality being queer and belonging to the LGBT+ community in itself; a character being cis, aro or heteroromantic, and ace, and “counting” as “queer enough”

Flirty ace character

Confident, self-comfortable ace character

Ace character considering their specific experience to be perfectly normal and not unique, if not typical

Ace character enjoying something that is commonly considered to be sexy or sexual, but it isn’t for them — such as wearing makeup or lingerie, going clubbing, pole-dancing, massages…

Ace character happily dating someone who is not aspec

I like the thought that it’s possible! I personally like this more than I like fanworks about two aspec people dating. I like it when the ace character is happy to adapt to their allo partner’s requirements and I like it when the allo character is happy to adapt to their ace partner’s requirements and I like it when there are things that just do not match perfectly and that doesn’t put an end to the relationship.

Ace character having a lot of experience dating

Partner(s) already knowing about asexuality and not needing to have it explained to them

Partners just being like “*shrug* okay”, without making it a big deal that they’re “giving up” sexual intercourse

Ace character crushing and getting flustered over physical but non-sexual aspects of their love interest’s looks

Big strong hands, nice jaw, strong nose, long eyelashes, lovely profile, silky hair, lovely eye-colour, delicate wrists, muscles, long legs, collar bone, shoulder blades, squishy stomach, peek of bellybutton, freckles, moles, scars, …

Ace character daydreaming about their love interest in ways that involve zero physical attraction, thoughts about how pretty or handsome they are, or desire to touch them

Jon pining for Martin and just wanting to talk with him, have tea with him, hang out with him… not seeing how Tim is good-looking but being attracted to his humour and nerdiness… missing his relationship with Georgie because it felt nice to cook together and share clothes and watch the telly together… Zolf missing Hamid’s fiery passion or Wilde’s awful puns… being attracted to Cel’s liveliness and inventiveness… being charmed by Azu’s emotional intelligence or her unwavering certainty in her faith…

Smut involving an ace character

No shaming of fellow real living people about that

Not going to go into it again because plenty of us have been talking about that in this fandom for two years now — bottom line is there do exist plenty of asexual people that 1) do have sex IRL, 2) do want to consume smut, can we please, as a community, move past the “this is not smut because this character is ace!” passive-aggressive attacks already. (“I depict this character as not having sex because he’s ace and I’m ace and it makes me happy” is fine! Just don’t imply that that’s the only way to be ace and that other people are wrong to want something else.)

Ace character enjoying sex

Ace character being completely neutral about having or not having sex

Ace character disliking sex in the same way they dislike, idk, coffee. No, absolutely not, thank you, no concession, not for me, but also it’s nothing traumatic or moral or uncomfortable.

Sex being just a thing, not a big deal, having or not having it not being all that important

Ace character enjoying the concept of sex, abstractly. Ace character consuming porn, writing porn, being fine discussing sex with friends, having a dirty mind — just not wanting to be involved in it

Ace character having fantasies that disturb them

Ace character feeling arousal and being just *shrug* about it, not particularly disgusted, just uninterested

Arousal, libido, or masturbation as something different and separate from sexual attraction and desire to sleep with someone or to be touched

Ace character being kinky af

Ace character having multiple partners and different sorts of relationships with each!

Open relationships

Non-sexual romantic relationships

Queerplatonic relationships

COMMITTED!!! NON-SEXUAL AND NON-ROMANTIC!!! PARTNERSHIPS!!! AAAAAA [sobbing emoji]

Non-sexual physical intimacy

Hand-holding! Playing footsie! Cuddles! Hugging! Kissing! Super heavy making out and getting aroused but no sex! Sharing a bed! Lying on top of each other! Bathing or showering together! Giving each other a haircut or a shave! Massages! Non-sexual nudity!

Non-physical intimacy

Committed couple having separate beds/rooms! Getting married! Being in love and not kissing or touching! Loving long-distance relationships! QPR! Affection and closeness expressed through speech, gifts, services, time, shared activities — wearing each other’s clothes, cooking together, long emotional conversations, trust and secrets, love letters, post-it notes, “thought of you” gifts, celebrating anniversaries with a candle-lit dinner, co-parenting...!

Sexual situations with no touching

(CW bit detailed:)

Sexting, cybersex, phone sex, dirty talking, reading or watching porn (alone or together), consensual voyeurism like watching their partner masturbate or have sex with someone else, kink using toys and accessories or scenes but with no actual touching, …

Romanticised consent and boundaries

An asexual character being super firm about what they do not want and their allo partner being thrilled about that trust and communication!! An allosexual partner trusting their asexual partner about what they want without infantilising them or doubting their capacity to establish their boundaries! “Wait, you always say you don’t like [x]?” “Yes, but I feel like it right now, as I assumed would be pretty clear from the fact that I am doing [x] right now :w” “Hey, just checking, sue me :w” “Yes, thank you :w”

Specific boundaries

Cheek kisses but no lip kisses, no PDA, not having sex where they’re also going to sleep, needing a shower immediately after sex, lights off only, …

(CW more detailed:)

… not caring about feeling or seeing their partner’s hard-on but not wanting to do anything about it, penetration but no oral, bottoming but not topping, giving a blowjob but not having their head held, being fine with extreme acts but not liking fluids, pet names but no dirty talk, dirty talk but no pet names, happy to pleasure their partner but not wanting to be touched, not wanting to come, being only into sex as part of extreme kink but not interested in vanilla sex, …

Shifting boundaries and consent

Ace character likes kissing or cuddles but only on their terms — they will come give their partner a kiss sometimes but bristle at being touched. Today is not a kissing day. Today this ace character is a bit down and would like a lot of physical affection and cuddling. Certain areas are off-limits for touching because this ace character is sensitive on their thighs, ticklish in their ribs, self-conscious about their scars. This ace character considers their chest non-sexual so that’s fine but do not pat their butt.

Today, exceptionally, this ace character is horny and feels like banging. Ace character feels like banging sometimes but is not in the mood right now, bye. Ace character feels like banging from eight to nine pm every second Thursday of the month, catch it or miss it. Couple shares a shower every morning and it’s never meant to be a sexual thing, but today the ace one is getting aroused and hey, you know what, they’d like to get off right now. This massage is fantastic but it’s getting overwhelming, so they ask to stop (but it was great!). Ace character is intrigued about this particular scenario/position/kink and wants to try it out, they do, it’s perfectly nice, but hmm, once was enough, they’re not interested in doing it again. Ace character sexts their partner all day but by the time their partner has got home, undressed and prepared and pulled out the strap, they’ve lost interest.

♠♥ Thank you for reading all this! Hope this inspires people so I get more stuff that makes me happy! ♥♠

#ace week #asexuality #representation #the magnus archives #rusty quill gaming #a lot more TMA than RQG though #writing #fanfiction #happy end of ace week everyone!

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cherryonigiri · 4 years ago

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Ty!! ;; So as bg I'm a sex-repulsed asexual and the haikyuu fandom is just...one of the horniest I've ever been in. Which is cool, I know its normal for most people to like that stuff,except the fandom is also one of the worst, in my tumblr experience, about tagging kinks and putting nsfw under cuts. The amount of nsfw in itself is pretty alienating for me...but to make matter worse I keep coming across kinks that disgust me more than just the regular nsfw--things that I have tag-blacklisted but people haven't TAGgED! And!! Tendou is my favorite character of them all and I just wanna hold his hand and kiss his cheek and read manga together and get comfort from this character, but it really feels like a lot of, if not most, of the content for him is about what a *kinky, sexual sadist* he is and boy it just...really makes me wanna cry sometimes.

Hey anon. I’m so sorry you’ve had to see that content in your feed despite trying to filter tags and doing all the right things to make your feed/tumblr space one where you feel comfortable and safe. (just as an FYI, I tag my nsfw writing + posts with ‘spicy haikyuu’ so feel free to block/blacklist that as well). It’s also been frustrating for me because I have certain tags/kinks that I blacklist as well, and it’s really upsetting for me to see that content pop up in my feed.

I’m not sure if you’ve used this feature (if you already are, I apologize for assuming you haven’t) - but I’ve found that adding specific words (usually kink names) to the content filter, in addition to the tag filter, really helped to significantly reduce the number of things that slipped through. A lot of the writers I follow used different systems for content warnings: some have an established tagging system, others have a clear trigger warning or content warning section in the synopsis/summary at the top of the post, others have a mixture or a different system. Since there isn’t really a standard, I’ve found the content filter does help because it blocks posts that might not be extensively tagged, but have content warnings in the text of the post itself.

With the recent updates, I know that tagging has become complicated, for both authors and readers. It’s sad that tumblr’s filtering systems (especially the tag filter system) always seem to miss something. You (and everyone else) shouldn’t have to go through that. Writers can write whatever they want to write, but please give readers/users a way to filter that content.

I get really frustrated that I’ve been seeing a decent number of posts recently that don’t use any kind of warning system (both in tags or any kind of tw). People can write any kink/dark content they want, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want and expect content creators to use warnings in some way shape or form. I cannot and do not have the right to tell anyone what they can and cannot write. But it frustrates me to no end that we aren’t given any kind of avenue or tool to control what content comes across our feed.

Also, anon, thank you for sharing this. I know it takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable and share personal things about yourself, particularly when it centers around identity and/or traumatic experiences. Not to mention sharing this online, on a public platform/website. I’m really honored that you felt that I was someone you could share this with.

P.S. I’m going to do my best and find some Tendou fluff for you and make a fic rec list after i finish this midterm (I hope you don’t mind if I include some AO3 things as well). There is definitely sfw content out there for Tendou, although recently I’ve noticed it’s been a little sparser than usual.

#anon #alice talks #tw: discourse #discourse

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firecoloredwater · 5 years ago

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Ace representation gives me weird feelings.

This was originally posted on pillowfort, and is being reposted here for the September 2019 Carnival of Aces.

To be 100% clear: I AM ACE. (And aro, and the concept of gender gives me approximately the same feelings as the concept of being covered in live spiders, which I will grudgingly/squeamishly refer to as being agender or nonbinary when a label is required.) Relevantly: ace.*

I began to identify as ace when I first heard the word, and had an "oh" moment. (Or rather, multiple simultaneous "oh" moments. "Oh that's a thing" and "oh maybe my classmates aren't all just faking relationships to mimic TV" are the two I remember most clearly.) It was July, and at the time I was fifteen; I'm currently 28, so that's a bit over 13 years. I'll skip the full journey, but the point is, this is an identity that I've had for a while and am comfortable with.

Despite that, ace characters in fiction give me weird feelings. I mostly end up metaphorically staring at fiction which I know contains ace characters, going "hrmmmm I can't parse exactly what feeling I'm having, but I'm not enjoying it," to the point where I sometimes end up avoiding them entirely. I doubt I'll be able to analyze all of why, but I'd like to at least try to start.

I'm also not referring to bad representation, or even to representation that focuses heavily on angst/suffering/prejudice. Several years ago I read a large chunk of Shades of A (which, for anyone unfamiliar and about to click that link, includes a lot of kink and general adult themes; since it's been years I can't recall exactly what's in it) which was, from what I recall, very well done, and then I hit a point where I just... couldn't make myself keep going. More recently I've heard several times about Every Heart a Doorway and thought 'that appeals to literally everything I want in fiction that I can think of' and then... not read it.

On the other hand, if a character is called asexual or characterized in a way that I can easily interpret as their being asexual, but it's not a major focus of the story or descriptions/advertisements/reviews thereof, I don't have the same reaction. So for the rest of this post I'm just going to be discussing the former category (fiction with asexual representation that does give me weird feelings), and not addressing works that have an asexual or easily-read-as-asexual characters without giving me the weird feelings about it. (The only real explanation I have for why a work falls in one category or another is the 'is it a major focus' question, so I don't think I can get anything useful out comparing them.)

Some of this, I'm sure, is that I'm just generally low on energy; I'm not reading much of anything that isn't fanfic right now. But I tend to avoid fanfic tagged or described as having an asexual character too, so it's not just that.

The most obvious source is just that ace characters are unfamiliar. There are a handful around now, even in mainstream media, but that wasn't true until I was in my 20s. (Unless, of course, you counted the monsters/aliens/serial killers, and even then it was only the monsters/aliens/serial killers that the creator wanted to emphasize were really, really inhuman, even more than your typical monster/alien/serial killer. And I was never fond of horror anyway.) So ace characters stand out to me in a way that straight characters (and gay or lesbian ones, thanks largely to the Valdemar series) don't. That extra attention-catching element can in itself make the representation feel weird and off on a level that's often subconscious and therefore difficult to dissect. Again, though, while I think this is likely to be an element, I don't think it's the only reason.

I think some of it is the expectation—mine, but absorbed from a more general one—that if an asexual character is present, that should be the character that I most strongly (or even exclusively) identify with and connect to. But that's often difficult: Anwar from Shades of A, for example, I have prettymuch nothing in common with except for being ace, our general age range, and maaaybe some of the social awkwardness and tendency toward geekiness that 98.5% of characters on the internet have. I spent a lot of the time I was trying to read the comic being frustrated at every significant decision Anwar made because, while I probably would not have made better decisions, I certainly would have made different ones, and couldn't bring myself to empathize with his reasoning or priorities in any but one minor aspect.

And again, it's not that he's a bad character, it's just that he and I have nothing in common. But I felt like I ought to empathize with him—I'm pretty sure he was the first ace character I ever encountered, so obviously I should empathize with him strongly and immediately and easily, right? Not even "I should be able to," just I should, like saying the sun should rise in the morning, it's expected to just happen. And because of that I couldn't pick another character to identify with (JD is nonbinary! Chris and I have the same hair color! From what I remember they both have a more similar personality to me than Anwar does!) and I also couldn't just let myself gradually develop an understanding of Anwar's thought processes and start empathizing with him over time, because I was supposed to identify with him yesterday. (Or rather, at least five years ago.)

(To be clear: none of this is something I was thinking consciously at the time, I was just frustrated with Anwar's decisions and didn't really analyze it further until like, two hours ago. But from my current perspective, I think this is what was going on.)

Since I haven't actually read Every Heart a Doorway I of course can't be sure the same thing would happen, but I think I've avoided it because I expect it to. From the summary it sounds like the main character is maybe fifteen or so, and the majority if not all major characters are mid-to-late teens? So I'd be reading the book more as an observer than projecting myself among them, which is fine and often a thing I enjoy in fiction (because I'm way too empathetic and that distance helps tone down my distress at every little thing ever). But with an asexual main character... well, I wouldn't quite feel guilty about not identifying with her, but I'd be conscious of it the entire time I was reading in a way that would be distracting, and wouldn't be enjoyable.

Another possible element is that I tend to avoid fiction (and fanfic) in which a romantic relationship is the primary plot. Since the majority of all fiction is romance, logically the majority of fiction with ace characters will be as well, and 'has an ace character' isn't enough to make me interested. I think there's also a chance that romance fiction is in fact more likely to have an ace character, and/or to be labeled as having one (particularly in the case of fandom/fanfic/original work in fandom-derived areas). A creator whose primary story focus is the characters' romantic and sexual relationships is more likely to consider the characters' romantic and sexual orientations, and therefore more likely to explicitly call a character asexual (whether in the story itself, a summary/description, or tags). Trying to read a story with an asexual character but being bored because it's a romance gives me about the same not-quite-guilty-but-not-comfortable feeling as being unable to identify with an asexual character does.

When I was in college I explained Asexuality 101 to various people or groups of people at various times, and one of the things I found myself explaining a lot is that "asexual" is actually just as much an umbrella term as "queer" or "trans" is. Even without including demisexuality and the gray-a spectrum in the term (which at the time as far as I knew, at least, the most common approach was to just say "asexuality and gray-asexuality" if you wanted to discuss both) "asexual" includes asexuals of every romantic orientation and aroaces and people who prefer not to use the construct of romantic orientation, asexuals who are repulsed and who enjoy sex and who don't care too much either way, asexuals who lack attraction or libido or both or who experience both but are asexual anyway, because humans are complicated and sexuality is complicated and human sexuality is, therefore, utterly bizarre, and it would be weirder if asexuality (or any sexuality) were easy to define.**

And I think that's a factor too; there are asexual people whose experience of What It's Like To Be Asexual will have not one single thing in common with my experience of being asexual, and so a character that perfectly represents them will just leave me confused. Which gets back to the thing about asexuality not really being sufficient for me to identify with a character, and the way that that fact runs into my expectation that it should be sufficient. Like walking down a sidewalk, pausing to do something, then looking up and discovering a wall half an inch from my nose. It's not painful, but it's jarring and annoying and I kind of want to look around and check if anyone saw that, because if so I'll be embarrassed about it.

(And I expect that most likely there are other factors, but I'm not coming up with them right now and this is long enough already, so I'll wind down here.)

I don't think this is a problem, or something that needs to be fixed; if "I'm not consuming the fiction that I would have expected myself to consume" is a problem at all, it's definitely the most minor one I've ever experienced. If it does need to be fixed (or prevented), I think that "have more ace representation so it's not a Rare New Extraordinary Thing all the time" is probably the solution, and I'm pretty sure that aces are already in favor of more well done ace representation in fiction.

But it's still an experience, and it's been gnawing at my brain for months, so I'm posting this and... well, we'll see if and what use people make of it. Has anyone else had the same or a similar experience? Any thoughts on other factors which I didn't think of? Some other related thing I missed?

*I'm not discussing aromantic or agender or nonbinary representation/my reactions to it because 1: asexuality is by far my "primary" identity (in the sense that it's significant to how I define and think of myself, while being aromantic and agender are just sort of... facts that forms sometimes request; probably largely because I settled on both those identities much later), and 2: frankly I haven't encountered aromantic or agender representation enough or in the right ways to experience this dynamic with them. Or any dynamic, really.

**If you want to argue with me about the definition of What Is Really Truly Actually Asexual and how something I included Doesn't Count, please make a separate post and like, send me a link or something if you really want my opinion specifically. My opinion is pretty firm but I'm willing to discuss it in good faith, but it's not the point of this post and I'd rather not go off on that tangent here. Same if you want to argue that gray-asexuality ought to by default be included with the term 'asexual;' I don't honestly care either way on that one, I'm just describing the vocabulary I was familiar with at the time.

#asexuality #asexual #asexual representation #ace #Carnival of Aces September 2019 #repost from pillowfort

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oh-atlas · 6 years ago

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i was tagged for this forever ago by @mollymaukerie and then i DIDNT do it, but i’m doing it now and will probs just use this template for reference for infodropping about characters in the future. just because i know you all have so many great ocs, i’m tagging @darlingicarus, @cityandking and @mollymaukerie back ;) (also beware i’m fixating on an old and COMPLICATED character of mine)

━━ character information • Rishta Aello-Argyros

&. basics ↳ name: ahiya zatura / cashia / rishta aello-argyros ↳ age: 29 ↳ race / ethnicity: winter eladrin / summer eladrin / unaligned. ↳ gender: cis female ↳ pronouns: she/her ↳ sexuality: asexual lesbian ↳ special abilities: blood magic, linguistics, knifework, stealth, getting into situations she shouldn’t, communicating with gods

&. associations ↳ color(s): blue & white / black & red / red & white ↳ animal(s): songbird ↳ themes / words: blood, books, restraints, choice, lack of identity, roses ↳ season: winter and summer &. background + family ↳ birthplace: solaris ↳ titles and jobs: noble / assassin & war weapon / runner for the mafia, diplomat ↳ family: baldran (father)†, vallana (mother)†, zinna (stepmother)†, thero (brother)†, daevan (brother)†, ferro (brother)†, inaxina (sister)†, sylrie (sister)†, adwynn (sister)† / daughter of the goddess emla / daughter of melodia agyros & valentha aello

&. personality + morals ↳ personality traits: impulsive, intelligent, sharp-witted, calculating, empathetic ↳ fears: losing her sense of identity once more ↳ liked traits in others: intelligence, honesty, honor ↳ disliked traits in others: manipulative, cruel, violent &. interest + favorites ↳ favourite foods: baked goods and tea ↳ favourite weather: overcast ↳ favourite animals: mostly cats; they’re quite ↳ hobbies / interests: baking, linguistics, reading, history.

&. other relationships ↳ current romantic partner: Artemesia Vasilissa (Modern AU) ↳ closest friends: Lelenia

#rishta #i just #yaknow #a year later #still gotta fixate on what a Goddamn charcter rishta is #she's so wack #playing an amnesiac is so wack #especially when ur dm has done her backstory #and she's from a FUCKING HUGE NOBLE FAMILY AND THEYRE ALL DEAD AFTER THE WAR #ch: rishta

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bluejayblueskies · 4 years ago

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ludus

n. playful or uncommitted love; love that is focused on flirtation, infatuation, and laughter

Words: 2.0k

Fandom: The Magnus Archives

Relationships: Jonathan Sims & Gerry Keay, Jonathan Sims & Martin Blackwood & Sasha James & Tim Stoker

Characters: Jonathan Sims, Gerry Keay, Martin Blackwood, Tim Stoker, Sasha James

Additional Tags: AU - University, AU - Everyone Lives/No One Dies, Fluff and Humor, Drinking, Alcohol, Queerplatonic Partnership, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character

Summary:

Gerry generally doesn’t frequent pubs like this one, where the wooden table in front of him is sticky enough that his glass pulls slightly against his grip as he lifts it before it unsticks with a wet ripping noise. The pub is a small, dirty thing, aptly named The Rusty Bucket, and apparently, it’s the venue for trivia night every Thursday, of which Jon and his friends are regulars.

Gerry’s never met Jon’s friends. But he supposes there’s a first time for everything.

Read on Ao3

Or, read below (more content warnings below the cut):

cw: - implied drug use - teasing - assumption that an aro character is allo (corrected and apologized for)

Gerry’s never really been one for drinking. For one, he thinks beer is gross (and that a much better use for wheat and yeast is bread, which he very much enjoys and happens to be quite skilled at making), and for two, he’s never quite been able to shake that ingrained notion that drinking is always a precursor to something else.

Sometimes, that something else is simply being drunk. Sometimes, it’s to loosen up, to make time with friends that much lighter and freer. But sometimes it’s not. Sometimes, it’s buying a stranger a drink and punching your number into their phone with fingers made unsteady by liquor. Sometimes, it’s wine on a date, with lips stained a deep red and cheeks flushed only in part due to the alcohol.

Sometimes, it’s more. And Gerry doesn’t like taking risks that he doesn’t have to. So he generally doesn’t frequent pubs like this one, where the wooden table in front of him is sticky enough that his glass pulls slightly against his grip as he lifts it before it unsticks with a wet ripping noise.

Gross.

“You don’t have to come,” Jon had said for what had to have been the fifteenth time, even as they’d caught sight of the pub that sat just a few blocks from campus. It was a small, dirty thing, aptly named The Rusty Bucket, and apparently, it was the venue for trivia night every Thursday, of which Jon and his friends were regulars.

Right. Jon’s friends. It wasn’t necessarily anyone’s fault that Gerry had yet to meet everyone else who’d left a mark on Jon’s life (though if asked, Gerry would insist that it was his, probably; he wasn’t known for being overly social). It was just different walks of life, different cobblestone paths that happened to intersect in a five-foot-four skinny Pakistani man with wire-rimmed glasses and a perpetual line between his eyes that fell just as easily into a smile as it did a scowl. But now that he had the chance, he found that he wanted to meet them. Maybe it was because Jon had seemed so excited, in his own way, to introduce them to Gerry. Or maybe it was just because Gerry wanted to get to know every part of Jon, to peel back every layer of the man who had wriggled underneath his skin and refused to budge no matter how hard Gerry tried.

Jon’s friends were one such layer, painted in lovely sunset hues that cast fondness and exasperation across Jon’s face in equal measure whenever he spoke of them. So Gerry wanted to meet them.

Hell, maybe he’d like them. Jon liked them. And that was one hell of a stamp of approval.

“I know,” Gerry said. “But I’m here, aren’t I?”

And the look Jon gave him at that—something profoundly grateful and even more profoundly enamored—shot through Gerry like liquid cocaine. Though if Gertrude ever asks, Gerry certainly has no such metric to know what that would feel like.

Jon’s presence next to him in the booth is a grounding one, even as Gerry feels himself getting lost in the conversation ebbing and swelling around him like white-crested waves on a sandy shore, like he’s a seashell that’s only kept from washing away by a deft hand that snatches it from the sand and holds it close. Most of the ebb and swell seems to be coming from Tim and Sasha, who bicker like they’ve been married for years but who, according to Jon, have already passed through their will-they-won’t-they stage and have settled quite firmly on won’t-they.

“Sasha’s aro too,” Jon had said, almost too-casually, as he put away a plate he’d been drying. “And Tim’s ace. A- a bit different than me, though, with regards to…”

Jon made a vague motion with his hand that Gerry recognized as his sex hand wave, and the giggle that slipped from him unbidden earned him a sharp glare.

“Sorry, sorry,” Gerry said, his eyes still twinkling with mirth. Then, because he couldn’t quite help himself: “Are you just- just collecting aspec friends? Or is it some sort of magnetic pull? Because I’d like to know if I’m a trophy friend or a hapless victim of your non-sexual magnetism.”

The wet sponge Jon threw at him was certainly warranted. It did nothing to wipe the smile from Gerry’s face.

So there’s Tim and Sasha, carrying ninety-five percent of the conversational weight. Martin sits tucked away in a corner, his hands closed around a glass of cola and his mouth curled into a small smile as he watches Tim and Sasha bicker.

(“I don’t drink,” Martin had explained quickly when Gerry’s eyes had found his glass the first time, throwing the words between them like some sort of barricade. Like it was any of Gerry’s business what Martin did or didn’t drink.

It certainly made Gerry’s virgin piña colada a lot less humiliating, though it did nothing to diminish the curling embarrassment he’d felt upon ordering it. So Gerry tipped his head toward his own drink and said, “Me either. Virgin in more ways than one.”

Which was probably not the right thing to say. Oh well.

Martin’s face had gone cherry red, and the laugh that escaped his lips seemed to take him entirely by surprise. “Oh,” he said, sounding slightly strangled. “I- congratulations?”

It certainly wasn’t the most awkward exchange Gerry had ever had. But it was up there.

Gerry took a small sip of his drink and decided that he quite liked Martin Blackwood.)

Gerry sets his drink back down with a grimace and says, quiet enough that only Jon will hear him, “When is the trivia bit meant to start? I’m dying to put my near-encyclopedic knowledge of 20th-century prose to use.”

“Need I remind you,” Jon says without taking his eyes away from Tim and Sasha, “that we are both English majors?”

Gerry knocks his knee against Jon’s under the table. “Guess we’ll just have to see who remembers Dr. Nimeiri’s class better then.”

Jon groans. “I thought we agreed to never speak about that again.”

Gerry gives Jon his best shit-eating grin. “And forget the place where we met and our lives were forever changed? Oh, I would never.”

“One,” Jon says, holding up a finger and finally turning to face Gerry. “One B, Gerry. And it was that fucking class.”

“Jon, nobody got an A in that class. Nobody. I barely passed.”

“Yes, well—”

Gerry raises an eyebrow. Jon’s mouth snaps shut and dips into what Gerry could only describe as a pout. After a moment, where Jon clearly recalls every other version of this conversation they’ve had and the myriad of insensitive things that Jon has said in quick succession, Jon finally sighs and says, “Fine. Trivia’s in thirty minutes, I believe.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh, there’s no need to look so smug.”

It’s about halfway between then and trivia when the conversation finally, inevitably, and quite unfortunately lands squarely on Gerry’s leather-clad shoulders.

“So,” Tim says, leaning his elbows on the liquor-sticky table and flashing Gerry a conspiratorial grin. “I think it’s high past time we hear all the sordid details of how Jon managed to convince you to give him the time of day.”

“Hey,” Jon snaps, giving Tim an impressive glare that bounces harmlessly off Tim’s million-dollar smile.

“Not much to tell,” Gerry says with a shrug. “Switched majors, took a shitty class, and got a very critical peer review on my first draft paper. Had quite an illuminating conversation with said peer reviewer after class that day, actually. Can’t imagine how that evolved into getting coffee.”

“You asked me,” Jon says in a sullen voice, looking very much like he’d like to melt into the woodgrains of the seatback behind him.

“That I did,” Gerry concedes. “What can I say, I’ve got a thing for angry red pen and put-upon posh accents.”

“For the last time, it is not put upon!”

Tim’s laughter makes Jon’s lips fold into a pout, and Gerry presses his knee firmly against Jon’s underneath the table. He feels Jon melt against him, just a bit, like a bristling cat brought back to itself by a gentle hand between its ears.

“So, then,” Sasha asks, pushing into Tim’s space as she leans closer to them with an inquisitive glint to her eyes. “Are you two dating?”

“Sasha!” Martin squeaks, his eyes wide as saucers as he looks at her like she’d just suggested they all strip down to their socks or something. If Gerry weren’t so used to the question—albeit not directed at him and Jon before—he might have had a similar expression on his face.

“What?” Sasha says defensively, leaning back slightly and crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s just a question! And a perfectly innocent one at that!”

“Nothing with you is ever perfectly innocent,” Tim mutters under his breath, which earns him an elbow in the ribs.

Gerry sighs in something close to resignation. He’d been expecting the question, really; Gerry hated the idea of his identity being spread behind his back like some sort of rumor, so he’d asked Jon to keep it private until he got the chance to disclose it himself. It had gotten a bit more complicated when they’d become queerplatonic partners but only because apparently Jon had a chronic inability to do anything halfway, and that included his relationships. Needless to say, Jon had admitted several hours before they’d arrived at the pub that his friends were all convinced that they were dating and that Jon couldn’t figure out how to correct them without explaining their situation in full.

So, then. Gerry’s never been the biggest fan of speaking openly about his romantic preferences—or lack thereof, he supposes—but then Jon’s hand is brushing against his arm, the touch feather-light yet grounding all the same, and Gerry finds that the weight on his chest is all but gone.

“No,” Gerry says. The word doesn’t burn on the way out like he feared it would. “Er. Not romantically, at least.”

It’s less awkward than he thought it might be—putting the threads that run from Jon’s hands to his into words, skirting around textbook definitions for a bit before finally just biting the bullet and rattling them off rapid-fire, even though he hates how impersonal it all sounds and would much rather focus on how he feels when he sees Jon across the quad or how Jon’s fingers feel against his scalp when he brushes his hair or how Jon snores ever so slightly when he sleeps.

In the end, Tim just makes some joke about friendship premium subscription, Sasha sheepishly apologizes for having made assumptions, and the conversation is blissfully cut short by the announcement that trivia will be starting in two minutes.

Gerry’s hand finds Jon’s under the table and squeezes it tightly, just once. A silent thank you. The best I love you that Gerry can think to give right now. Jon’s shoulder knocks against Gerry’s in response, and Gerry thinks, just for a moment, about how fucking lucky he is.

They end up losing trivia night—1967 is the correct date, Jon kept insisting, even when Tim finally pulled the book up on his phone and informed Jon that he was, in fact, off by a year and was therefore wrong—to Jon’s utter dismay and distress. But the sentiment still stands.

And when Tim grins at Gerry and says, See you soon!, and Sasha follows up with, Next Thursday for trivia?, and Martin pitches in with a quiet, It was very nice to meet you, Gerry, Gerry doesn’t hate the warm, fuzzy feeling that spreads through him at the knowledge that Jon’s friends like him.

Two cobblestone paths merge into one, the rocks threading together as easily as Jon’s fingers with Gerry’s, and the road ahead looks like nothing but wide-open sky and glittering stars.

#tma #the magnus archives #tma fic #the magnus archives fic #aspecarchives #aromantic gerry keay #asexual tim stoker #aromantic sasha #asexual jonathan sims #my fic #my writing #finally wrote some gerry fic!!!#alcohol //

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ghostmartyr · 6 years ago

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Hi Immi. I'm new to the fandom--joined around the drop of ch107. Since then there's been a big buzz about historia, regarding her sexuality, her character regressing and her relationship with ymir. i'd seen snk s2 and honestly never occurred to me to ship yumikuri because i hate ships but being on tumblr, well, it's everywhere. I see people get hate on shipping her with males but i'm not sure where i stand. Is she explicitly lesbian? If not then why is it so bad? Is the tumblr fandom just toxic?

Hi.

Uh.

Hell, dude, you pretty much summarized all the reasons I stopped checking the tags. I’m not exactly in the fandom anymore. I do my stuff, but I am actively avoiding mostly everyone, and that’s just because of the immediate aftermath of the chapter. So uh, welcome, I guess, I’m not here.

I answered–well. No, I covered a bit of what I’m going to go over here in my chapter post, aka the unfun section of it. Making this a bit of a rehash, but most things I type are anyway.

The most obvious thing is that people should not be getting hate. That is a general statement, disconnected from anything that’s going on. It is applicable in every fandom, in every situation. Even in the cases where someone is doing something that poses a very real danger, the solution is not sending hate. Sending hate is exactly what it sounds like, and people should behave themselves better.

Where you end up standing on any of this does not make the behavior magically okay.

And again, I basically left the fandom. I have no idea what’s going on, and frankly, I do not want to, so none of this is based on anything that’s happened in the past three weeks.

My perspective on fiction is that it is entirely selfish. People want what they want from it. While I don’t like most of what other people like, the fact that they’re capable of enjoying things should be celebrated. Go them.

That doesn’t mean I think stories are beyond reproach, or what happens in fiction can’t be offensive or damaging.

Fandom is not the same as canon. A personal pet project is very different from something being consumed by millions of people. Fandom currently has a very black and white style of thinking, and so it neglects that difference.

For an easy and relevant example, Kurt and Rachel from Glee getting it on in a fanfic is not equal to it happening in the show. One is someone’s random fantasy, the other, unless it’s handled with the kind of respect Glee has never dealt in, is going to be very inflammatory.

(See: Blaine and Rachel (for different–-but still relevant!-–reasons))

A lot of people do not agree that the difference between fanon and canon is relevant to some of the things people end up enjoying. The reason being that stories never feel that different to the individual experiencing them. Who creates it, or how wide its reach is, is not automatically something that matters to the emotional experience. It will hurt in roughly the same way, so often the argument that one is excusable and the other isn’t is done before it starts.

I’m meandering a little because I do not really know how to handle this delicately. So far this is all just foundational. stuff.

I guess I’ll go with blunt.

yumikuri is a canon romantic bond. Ymir is implied to be a lesbian because one character says she looks like one, Historia is a complete blank slate outside of that relationship because Ymir is her sole love interest.

The status of Historia’s sexuality is that she is romantically interested in Ymir, a girl. That is the entire sum of what the manga’s covered.

107 heavily indicates that Historia is coerced into having sex.

That should never have opened up a discussion into what her sexuality is. Someone being forced into sexual intercourse is indicative of nothing except that they are being forced into it. That is the exact opposite of desire.

Yet it opened the door to people reminding everyone that it is absolutely okay for a character to be bisexual.

That is a true statement.

(Editing in emphasis, because it really is.)

I do not know how to adequately describe why the context makes that statement so tone deaf and infuriating.

The manga has been running for almost ten years. In that time, there has been no indication of Historia having interest in anyone outside of Ymir, a girl. That could cover a lot of different sexualities, and there’s nothing wrong with someone wanting any of them.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t incredibly insulting ways of going about introducing them.

Historia’s first major appearance after her girlfriend is killed off-screen (if you believe that, which all but three people reading this and the person writing this do) is all about forcing her to fuck a guy to make babies.

Even in some hypothetical where her pregnancy is the result of a happy relationship, it would be insulting. As far as we know, it isn’t, so we are dealing with the full brunt of how disrespectful that summation is.

There is this common thing that happens in stories, where you have the gay relationship, one dies, the other lives on to go have a happy life with someone of the opposite sex. The subtext is that this weird one-off sexual thing may have happened, but don’t worry, they’re still normal.

I don’t know how to say that convincingly, because it’s a subtext that I’ve picked up on throughout hundreds of different stories. I don’t know how to cram that history into one post.

Girls liking girls is seen as an aberration, even in stories about liking girls. The relationship will be an exception. The more femme character won’t really like girls, just this one. The concept of a girl liking another girl as a normal facet of her sexuality, which exists outside this relationship, is commonly disregarded, or given to the non-POV partner.

This should be a problem that it’s easy to agree on. Lesbians like girls as a rule. Bisexuals like girls as a rule. Not exclusively, but Likes Girls is still very much a part of the identity (unless we get into discussions of bi covering multiple genders but not necessarily binary ones).

Then there’s fandom.

I can’t count the number of times I have seen the argument that Historia only sees Ymir as a friend. I have been invested in her character and that relationship for five years. Barring the last month, which I don’t want to know about, probably at least once a week, someone would make the case that okay, maybe Ymir likes Historia, but Historia doesn’t like her back.

Many, many times before I left the tags last month, people were saying that Historia’s pregnancy isn’t an LGBT issue, because Historia’s interest in Ymir was never canon.

I get twitchy when people are staunch supporters of her being bisexual. Because as much as I want to trust people, and as much as I know that every marginalized identity is desperate for scraps, the conversation about Historia has always felt like, “it’s important to remember you can’t prove she doesn’t like men.”

When it’s not full on, “it’s important to remember her liking a girl is in your imagination.”

Because she’s the pretty one in the girl on girl couple.

I want her to be gay or ace. Nothing disproves that, but I feel like an idiot for wanting that, because the classically pretty one isn’t going to be a lesbian, and years of consuming anime and manga should have taught me that. Beyond the first sentence, none of that perspective is particularly healthy.

Queer fandom can be really complicated to navigate, because some of the things people want to see–-which are fundamental to their identities, and that’s why they want to see them–-run exactly counter to what other people want to see.

There’s a post from Yuri on Ice fandom that I think encapsulates this. I don’t know the background, or what has been shouted back and forth since I saw it, but here’s the gist. Someone suggests that one of the figure skating gays could be ace. Dozens of people go, “bad post op,” and it’s treated humorously.

Asexual representation sucks. An episode of House, noteworthy for using the word and having someone quote the statistic occurrence of asexuality, ends with one half of an asexual couple having a hormone imbalance, and the other lying about her interest in sex so she could date him.

Yeah.

Gay guys also have a hard time with their sexuality being policed. Holding hands is okay (sometimes), but kissing? Sex? The dirty homosexuals are depraved for enjoying such things. Gay women can have degrading sex because it’s hot.

People want their identities respected.

That is not an unreasonable thing.

What tends to happen on Tumblr is that people forget that they aren’t the only ones being treated like crap. There are layers of pain and anger they bring to every fight, and over and over again, people who should know what that pain is like, and help each other through it, sharpen theirs until they can use it to chop off someone’s head.

107 is insulting in a lot of ways. The aftermath was worse for me. From what little I saw, many people were very eager to say that the part where a queer woman was dealing with a coercive pregnancy shouldn’t be judged for the queer part. Because there are people issues, like war and tragedy, and then social justice issues, which aren’t about people. They don’t really matter in a war story with internment camps and genocide.

I’m being glib, but… that’s what it felt like. That’s what a lot of people I liked shrugged and agreed with.

I want Historia to be a lesbian (or ace), but for right now, we do know she’s queer. That is a part of her character, and it is one that people have been talking over for years. Having post after post reminding everyone that her being queer does not matter to the story? That her being queer is not a lens worthy of being looked through when it’s clearly not about that?

I don’t agree with… basically any of the fandom behavior I’ve seen touching this. I think people should behave themselves better, and treat each other more kindly, and pain is no excuse for bleeding all over everyone.

But where that pain comes from has been repeatedly dismissed, and where it comes from is not insignificant, no matter what route you want canon to go.

…And as far as Historia’s character goes, this is a regression, and the writing should be ashamed of itself. It violates the themes of her arc with such direct intent that it’s painfully easy to believe there’s a twist to it, but for now it’s just infuriating, because the girl who fights fate has been made its tool, and Ymir, aka her love interest, is very relevant to the whole arc where we covered this. 107 is bad and should feel bad, and I am extremely not happy that I think that is exactly the feeling I am intended to have, because being emotionally manipulated is much more annoying when it works.

Hopefully that gives your questions an answer.

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #SnK 107 #attack on asks #an educational romp through maddening things

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tonystarkbingo · 6 years ago

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Week 8 roundup! We have a whole bushel of drabbles this week, so click through to see what 100-word magic (and other magic) your fellow collaborators came up with!

Title: What's His is Mine Collaborator: tisfan Link: AO3 Square Filled: R4 - writing format: use of symbolisms Ship: Pepperony Rating: Teen Major Tags: Fluff and humor Summary: Justin Hammer is selling his things to pay his legal bills… Tony has. Other plans. Word Count: 720

Title: A Bot's Work is Never Done Collaborator: ali_aliska Link: AO3 Square Filled: A3 - free square Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: bot fic, pining, love confessions Summary: DUM-E has decided that PAPA TON-E needs to smile more often, which means DUM-E might have to run over a few feet, make better smoothies, and decide who brings PAPA TON-E the most JOY (the current answer - FRIEND BUCK-E). Not to worry because DUM-E is the bot for the job (even if it means locking his favorite humans in the SERVER ROOM until they stop fighting). Word Count: 5653

Title: MIT Years

Collaborator: katling

Link:

A03

Square Filled: S5 - MIT Years

Ship: James Rhodes & Tony Stark

Rating: Gen

Major Tags: Shifter AU

Summary: Rhodey finally finds out that Tony is a shifter and what his form is. It doesn't happen in quite the way Tony wanted but it all works out okay.

Word Count: 1172

Title: Baby, I wasn’t Expecting You Collaborator: FreyaS Link: A03 Square Filled: S1 - silver haired Tony Ship: WinterIron Major Tags: pining, identity porn, happy ending Summary: Bucky walked into the bar with his last twenty and a scowl that could have peeled rust off of iron, slapping the bill on the bartop with his prosthetic hand. “Gimme the strongest thing this’ll buy,” he snapped. The bartender took one look at Bucky before he unscrewed the serving tip off of a bottle of rum and handed him the half-full bottle. Bucky grinned, all teeth, and poured himself a generous serving into a glass and knocked back the drink with his good hand. Word Count: 10,163

Title: Playing Well with One Another Collaborator: Politzania Link: AO3 Square Filled: R1 - anticipation Ship: Stony Rating: Explicit Major Tags: eventual smut, multiple orgasms Summary: Steve has either the best or worst idea for attempting to resolve the UST between him and Tony: suggesting a scientific exploration of his sexual performance capabilities. Tony is more than happy to go along with the idea -- hijinks and penis ensues. Word Count: 1326

Title: The worst and the best idea Collaborator: cutebutpsyco Link: AO3 Square Filled: R1 - past tense Ship: IronStrange Rating: Gen Major Tags: pre-slash, humor Summary: Hopefully, Cloakie was going to place itself on Stephen’s shoulders, while in battle. That suit was illegal, on Strange’s body, in ten different dimensions, and the one where they lived was one of those. Word Count: 1958

Title: Brown Paper Packages Collaborator: remreader Link: AO3 Square Filled: S3 - anticipation Ship: Pepperony Rating: Teen Major Tags: fluff Summary: Pepper has a present for Tony. Word Count: 597

Title: Remix: The Prize Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Square Filled: K2- Writing Format: Remix one of your fics Ship: FrostIron Rating: Explicit Major Tags: explicit sexual content, Summary: Loki gives Tony his just rewards. Word Count: 2206

Title: Trouble Me Collaborator: Faustess Link: AO3 Square Filled: S1: Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: pining, asexual character, anxiety attacks Summary: Time's passed since the Soldier confronted Tony about his status with the Avengers. Their friendship has grown a lot and Tony can't imagine life without him. Figuring out how the Winter Soldier feels about anything though, is never simple - for either of them. Word Count: 2094

Title: The Earth Laughs in Flowers Collaborator: JacarandaBanyan Link: AO3 Square Filled: A1 - Partner Look Ship: WinterIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: flowershop AU, post-apocalyptic AU Summary: After the apocalypse, Tony travels around making solar panel flowers so that people can have electricity again. He's happy to be helping, but he's lonely. He can't afford to stay too long in one place- everyone needs electricity, after all. Bucky Barnes escaped Hydra during the chaos of the end of the world, but his arm needs a new power source or it's eventually going to die on him. And it wouldn't hurt if he looked a little less like Hydra's assassin and a little more approachable. Word Count: 7218

Title: Night Mares on Your Chest Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Square Filled: R2 - nightmares Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: drabble, kid fic Summary: Tony has a nightmare; his best friend Loki comforts him. Word Count: 100

Title: Don't Care for You Like I Do Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Square Filled: S2 - Kidnapped! Ship: FrostIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: drabble Summary: Loki tries to protect what's his. Word Count: 100

Title: Weird Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Square Filled: S1 - fusion Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: drabble, fusion, Star Trek Summary: Gen Word Count: 100

Title: Lost Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Square Filled: K5 - AU: fantasy world Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: drabble, dragons Summary: Someone, not naming names, needs to learn how to read a map. Word Count: 100

Title: On the Lips of No One Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Square Filled: R1 - Futurefic Ship: FrostIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: drabble, future AU, pining Summary: Where is he, he wonders. Where is he. Word Count: 100

Title: How To Fix Tony: A Guide By James Rhodes Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Squares Filled: Chapter One - R3: Tony's Poor Life Choices, Chapter Two - T1: Bathing / showering together, Chapter Three - A1: holding hands, Chapter Four: K1 - first date Ship: FrostIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: drabbles Summary: Tony goes through the phases of heartbreak. Word Count: 400

Title: Gave You My Heart Collaborator: Iron_Eirlyssa (Eirlyssa) Link: AO3 Square Filled: R5 - Writing format: five things Ship: WinterIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: Hanahaki disease, hurt Tony Summary: The five times Tony developed Hanahaki disease, because as much as he wanted to, he just couldn't stop loving the wrong people. (When the Rogues come back, they're in for a surprise.) Word Count: 1659

Title: Hey, remember me? Collaborator: LBibliophile Link: AO3 Square Filled: A4 - amnesia Ship: none Rating: Teen Major Tags: Endgame, trailer spoilers, open ending, time travel Summary: The Snap didn’t just kill half of all life, it erased it from existence; first the physical form, then their more intangible presence. For those who remain, it’s hard to maintain the drive to fix things when you don’t remember what you’re missing… Word Count: 562

Title: T5- First Kiss Collaborator: thudworm Link: AO3 Square Filled: T5 - First Kiss Ship: none, Tony Stark & Harley Keener Rating: Gen Major Tags: accidental father figure Tony, coming out Summary: Harley calls Tony with a question Word Count: 1055

Title: Summer Days Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Square Filled: T2- Pirates! Ship: FrostIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: kid fic Summary: Tony and Loki just wanna be pirates for a day. Word Count: 1000

Title: Sleep, perchance to dream Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Square Filled: A2 - coma Ship: FrostIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: drabble, angst, open ending Summary: “Loki, you need to accept that Tony might not wake up.” Word Count: 100

Title: Experience Points Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Square Filled: A4 - experience Ship: FrostIron Rating: Mature Major Tags: drabble, implied sexual content Summary: Tony just wants to win a video game for once. Word Count: 100

Title: Relationship Status: It's Complicated Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Square Filled: K4 - fake relationship Ship: FrostIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: drabble Summary: Loki runs off some suitors that he doesn't want, with one that he does. Word Count: 100

Title: Needed: A Bucket Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Square Filled: S5 - sick fic Ship: FrostIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: drabble Summary: Loki gets sick. Word Count: 100

Title: Air Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Square Filled: K3 - image of Tony and tentacles Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: drabble, tentacles Summary: Tony escapes a creature or the deep Word Count: 100

Title: Rules Were Made to be Broken Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: AO3 Square Filled: Chapter One - T3: opposing sides, Chapter Two - T5: plot twist Ship: FrostIron Rating: Teen Major Tags: drabbles Summary: Tony doesn't wanna do it. But he has to. Word Count: 200

Title: Breaking the Cycle Collaborator: newnewyorker93 Link: AO3 Square Filled: A5 - Howard Stark Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: drabble Summary: Tony tries to be a better father than the one he had. Word Count: 100

Title: A Difficult Thing Collaborator: 27dragons Link: AO3 Square Filled: S3 - Edwin Jarvis Ship: none Rating: Teen Major Tags: bi Tony Summary: Love is a lot harder than it really ought to be. It’s a good thing Tony has Jarvis in his corner. Word Count: 2095

Collaborator: buying_the_space_farm Link: Twitter Square Filled: A5 - Tony in the workshop Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: moodboard

Title: Marvelous Fashionistas Card Deck Collaborator: monobuu Link: Tumblr Squares Filled: R2 - Nebula, and S5 - T'Challa/Black Panther Ship: none Rating: Gen Major Tags: art Summary: Marvelous Fashionistas Card Deck featuring all your favorite heroes decked out in ridiculous street fashion.

Title: That's New Collaborator: katling Link: AO3 Square Filled: K5 - sick fic Ship: none Rating: Teen Major Tags: Shifter AU Summary: This was asked for my a number of people and my muses played ball - Tony's back from Afghanistan and paying the price for not shifting for over three months. When he finally does... it turns out to be more interesting than he expected. Word Count: 2156

Title: Arms of an Angel Collaborator: NastyBambino Link: AO3 Square Filled: K2 - vessel Ship: none Rating: Teen Major Tags: canonical character death, religious themes, moodboard Summary: Anthony has been watching Peter since he was a child. He never though he’d watch him die in his arms too. Word Count: 107

#tonystarkbingo #tonystarkbingo2019 #bingo roundup #weekly roundup #week 8 roundup

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ravenclaw-genius · 6 years ago

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Sanvers: An Introspective Review

Let me begin by firmly and irrevocably declaring that I respect all shippers. And I mean that, truly. That part is important, and that’s why it’s all the way up here, at the very top of my first, real Tumblr post.

Write magnificently, draw spectacularly, create hilarious/beautiful/heartbreaking gifs; observe, enjoy, read, tag, reblog, review, absorb and appreciate all things related to your preferred couple, trio, or aesthetic - be it homosexual, heterosexual, polyamorous, asexual or anything in between or outside of those parameters. Do whatever you need to do in order to feel happy in your fandom, and don’t let anyone, especially me, deprive you of that joy. It is sacred and precious.

That being said, I have some thoughts, and right now, I’m really struggling to fathom the diehard nature of many of the Sanvers shippers - and believe me, I’ve genuinely tried. Because, hey, a real, emotionally-invested, committed lesbian relationship that TV producers are willing to make canon? Hell yes. Sign me the fuck up. I support that wholeheartedly on principle.

What I can’t understand is this: why are the Sanvers shippers so surprised and appalled that the relationship doesn’t work out?

Let me explain.

Firstly, Alex Danvers is a lovably badass, overprotective, sweet emotional disaster. She is a beautiful baby gay, and a favorite character of many, many Supergirl fans, myself included. We, as a fandom, adore her. We want Alex to be happy, want her to find a healthy relationship that she can feel comfortable being a part of. HOWEVER, Alex’s relationship with Maggie Sawyer is her very first gay experience.

Don’t get me wrong, their relationship is important. I’m not trying to reduce its significance, that’s not what this post is about. Alex and Maggie’s relationship is gorgeous, enlightening, briefly perfect, and certainly educational... but how many first gay experiences have YOU had that last a lifetime? I’m sure it can happen - in fact, I’m sure that it has - but I don’t think it’s likely.

Sure, I’ve met people and have had friends who say things like, “I’ve never dated another girl, but I don’t need to try, because this one- THIS one is THE one.” And from what I’ve gathered, that’s actually pretty common. Hell, I said it myself, with my first girlfriend, but that relationship crashed and burned, as many firsts do. Now, I’ve got two serious ex-girlfriends, an essential step-daughter, two puppies, and a MAN who I love fiercely and fully intend to marry, someday soon. (Don’t worry, I still only ship lesbians.... What does that say about me, I wonder?)

My point is, you can fall in love with a girl, you can fall in love with a boy, you can fall in love with a freaking bar of soap, for all I care - the fact remains the same. The word ‘first’ inherently implies that there will be also be a second, or that there is more to follow. It’s not probable that a first ANYTHING is going to last forever. After all, you wouldn’t say, “This is my first drink,” if you don’t intend to have a second, right? You wouldn’t say, “This is the first time I’ve won the lottery!” - because you wouldn’t expect to win it twice.

And on that note, allow me to move on to my next source of confusion. The uproar of Sanvers shippers when the beloved couple breaks up seems to focus a lot on how out of character it is for Alex to want a child so badly, and frankly, I disagree. I don’t think it’s out of character for Alex at all.

Alex Danvers has spent half of her life protecting Kara, looking after her alien baby sister and ensuring her safety. She might have been reluctant in the beginning, as most teenagers would be, but Alex has spent years upon years helping Kara to adapt and grow into the world that she became a part of. Alex practically RAISED her, took on that responsibility and made it part of her identity.

Now that Kara has become more comfortable in her own skin and requires less of Alex’s guardianship, I don’t think it’s all that much of a leap to consider that Alex might want an actual child of her own to raise, love, and protect in a similar fashion. And why would anyone fault her for that?

It’s good for Alex to know what she wants from her future, and I think it is nothing short of wonderful that she isn’t willing to settle for less than what she knows she needs. Most of us promote honest communication in a relationship (or, at least, I hope we do), so why is it wrong of Alex to stop sacrificing her own desires, for once in her life, and be truthful with Maggie? Why is it so terrible that she’s standing up for herself, that she’s making a choice and deciding that she won’t be happy in a relationship if there’s no hope for the future that she someday wants to have?

I don’t feel like that’s wrong or terrible of her at all.

My last point - this one’s a doozy, I think, and sort of complicated, so bear with me - is that Alex and Maggie are almost TOO similar, to me. Granted, their life experiences have differed, but I feel like they are sort of the same person, brought up under different circumstances.

Imagine this: Alex Danvers, raised in a religious and homophobic household, instead of the loving, scientific one that Eliza and Jeremiah provided for her. If homophobia had been a more active and present ideal for Alex, do you really think that it would have taken her so long to consider the way that she thinks of other women? Like Maggie, Alex is brave, independent, intelligent, and attentive to her surroundings. With someone as strong-willed as Alex, do you really think that she wouldn’t have realized her gayness? Do you think she’d have done anything differently than Maggie did, in the same circumstances?

They’re both extremely guarded, both cagey, both willing to sacrifice everything for the people that they care about. Hank gave Alex the opportunity to join the DEO, but Maggie and Alex both ended up in law enforcement, both fighting selflessly to protect others. They’re sweet together, and yes, they both learned a lot from each other and their relationship together, but narcissism is frowned upon for a reason.

With Alex’s uncompromising nature combined with Maggie’s, how long would it have been before something else tore them apart, anyway? How long before something political, or something Supergirl-related, or something job-related would have separated them?

As I said before, I respect the Sanvers ship (as with all others) and I like to think that I appreciate it for what it was - a lovely, beautiful first - but I still don’t understand how anyone can be surprised by the fact that it didn’t work out.

What do you think?

#supergirl #sanvers #anti-sanvers #antisanvers #sort of?#not really.#confusion #i need perspective #first post #lesbian #am i wrong

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