#(so idk not doing great all around k need to be like centered & calmed down & brought back to reality)

[theha1rarch]

hi i’m awake & it’s literally one fucking am & i’ll maybe try to be online to write soon tbh but rn i’m trying really hard to vibe & calm down but i feel really weird & off & anxious & icky like i do every time i sleep late into the middle of the night & wake up with everyone else asleep. like i can’t explain it but it makes the vibes very off. not to mention i had some weird dreams which i can’t really remember but can still indeed remember the anxious feeling they caused & idkkk i’m just trying to vibe but it’s something rn

[youngster-monster]

Thing is, Robert may treat him like garbage, but it’s not like he deserves better. Cassidy knows what he’s worth, and it’s not a nice dinner date on the beach. Robert settling for him is the best he’ll ever do.

(The only man who ever thought he was worth anything more than a quick fuck died, and not a day passes without him thinking Amanda would better off if it had been the other way around.)

So he follows him home once, twice, thrice and doesn’t think about the way the air feels colder at five a.m when you’re still trying to put your shirt on and definitely not running away. He sneaks home with bites on his collarbones and scratch marks down his back like a teenager who’s been mauled by a rabid wolf and went back for more, and tells himself this too shall pass like his therapist told him to, back when he was still seeing one.

He keeps the window open to remind himself it’s colder outside than it is inside.

His daughter is happy and going to a great college and the man who fucked him against a wall last night won’t even look him in the eyes when he calls their stupid thing off because Cassidy got too attached again.

Saying that he has conflicting feelings about this party would be an understatement.

But Cassidy is a father and he might not be all that great at it but he always does his best, so he smiles and smiles and plays with the lighter in his pocket with restless fingers.

They’re lively and loud: it helps, somewhat, to see Craig’s familiar grin and Mat’s flower crown, to hear Joseph’s calm voice in the chaos of his mind. They’re all terribly nice and it hurts ever so slightly each time he catches a glimpse of Robert in the corner of his eye, but he’s fine. He’s having fun, to a point.

It feels like he’s been holding his breath forever but it’s not what makes his chest burns and his eyes water. He feels sluggish, trapped, like he’s underwater and he can’t breach the surface.

The only way is down, now.

Craig is the last to leave, and he does so with a worried glance in his direction that he waves away, cheerful and terrified. Craid knew him in college, during the darkest period of his life, and that’s the look he always got whenever Cassidy did something so stupid even Kegstand Craig disapproved of it.

 After his departure, there’s nothing and no one left but Cassidy and Amanda and the setting sun bleeding gold all over the city.

“Ugh, cleaning.”

Old habits die hard and come back to life quicker than he expected. He says, “That’s a problem for tomorrow us,” and drags himself inside.

“That’s irresponsible,” Amanda grins. “I like it. Tomorrow me won’t, though.”

“Who cares.” Not a question. Cassidy ‘Rhetoric’ McGregor: that’s him. Then, “Ice cream?”

“Hell yes.”

No one can say no to ice cream

It’s quiet now that they’re alone: there’s the distant sound of the city, away from their suburban center, and birds chirping out of sight. Amanda is chattering about the party and the Emmas and college, all at once and too fast for him to hope to catch anything more than every other word so he just nods and hums at appropriate moments.

He doesn’t remember a single moment of that damn party.

--

Amanda gets up at 3 a.m for a glass of water. She almost missed him in the darkness, but the light of the streetlamps outside catches on his piercings for a second and she notices the mess that calls itself her father sprawled on their couch, wide awake and staring at the ceiling.

“You alright, pops?”

He sounds a little choked up when he says, “I‘m fine, Manda. Go back to sleep.”

He doesn’t look away from the ceiling. A notification pops up on his phone with a ding, quickly followed by three more, and he flinches, but that’s the only movement he makes. He doesn’t move to check what it’s about, or to turn his phone off. He just— stares.

Amanda walks back to her room without another word.

--

[Robert - 3:12 a.m]

hey

hey cassidy

hey

wanna hang out

in my bed

naked

?

--

Cassidy holds it together until Amanda is off to college. It’s a good score. He’s a little proud of himself for that.

The first thing he does when he comes back from the 14-hours long trip is to grab the bottle of wine he bought for pasta night and forgot in the cupboard and drink straight from it. It’s pretty mild but he’s tired and sad and it’s the only alcohol in the house so it’ll do.

--

[Craig - 5:25 p.m]

Hey bro! Join me @ the gym tomorrow?

[Cassidy - 6 p.m]

No can do bro

I’m exhausted

Sorry

[Craig - 6:02 p.m]

Oh yeah I forgot

Amanda’s all settled?

[Cassidy - 6:02 p.m]

Yup

[Craig - 6:03 p.m]

K, rest well bro

--

[Mat - 4 p.m]

A small punk band I know is playing in town tonight

Wanna come?

[Cassidy - 4:02 p.m]

Idk

Might just stay home tonight

Thanks

--

After that, it only gets darker, and blurrier.

It’s easy to go back to old bad habits if you’ve never gave them up so much as you put them on hold. God, he’s always been a mess, kept together by sheer spite and the knowledge that he won’t ever forgive himself if he fucks up his daughter. She’s the only good thing he’s ever brought into this world.

He alternates between cigarettes and alcohol to keep things interesting. The former he burns himself on, sometimes accidentally and sometimes not. The later he knocks back like he’s running from something and it burns not quite so differently when it goes down.

He loses track at some point and wakes up on his floor or his couch or in a back alley somewhere he doesn’t know with a pounding headache and a few blurry memories of the night before. He gets blackouts more often than not: it’s better that way. He avoids Jim and Kim’s: it feels like running away but there’s no one to tell him that.

The nights he doesn’t feel like forgetting everything, he picks up fights.

One of those nights finds him in a back alley that feels vaguely familiar, like somewhere he passed out before, getting punched in the face by a guy a foot taller that might be an ex-con — but not for much longer if he keeps hitting like that.

Cassidy looks up and he’s grinning with blood in his hair from a nasty cut above his eyebrow, blood everywhere from his bleeding nose. He can only taste copper and cheap beer and smiling hurts from where the guy’s ring opened his lips but he feels more alive than ever.

His highest is always half an hour away from his lowest. By the end of the night he’ll probably look and feel like roadkill, but  right now he’s alright. He already can’t feel his fingers anymore and his ribs have taken it upon themselves to be felt twice as much as usual to compensate. One or two of them might be bruised, but if it’s the case he’s a little (a lot) too drunk to notice.

Then he must pass out for a second, because he blinks and suddenly he’s against a wall and someone’s talking instead of hitting.

“What the hell, Cassidy?”

“Oh, hey Robert.” He’s still grinning and it hurts like hell. His vision is swimming. He grins harder. “I can’t feel my face.”

“Yeah, getting beaten up in an alley tends to do that to you. What did you do?”

“Dunno. Asked for it.” He chuckles, then winces when that pulls on his bruises. Shit, he’s felt better back when he was going through withdrawal.

A hand cradles his jaw, tilts his head. He squints when a street light shines right into his eyes, watches everything go blurry and soft through his eyelashes. Well, the blurry part was already there before, but the softness is new. Like the fingers on his skin, prodding new bruises with an odd sort of not-quite-gentleness, leaving a trail of warmth in their path.

“You look like shit.”

“Y’should see the other guy.” That reminds him- “Where… where did he go, an’way?”

Robert jerks his head to the side. Cassidy can just make out someone lying prone on the ground, in a puddle of something indescribable. “He sure did a number on you before that though. Must have pissed him off something fierce.”

“Haha, yeah.” He sighs, lets his eyes close all the way. Robert’s hand lingers on his face, thumb pressed lightly against his cheekbone. Maybe it’ll stay right there if he doesn’t bring attention to it.

But Robert’s smart about those things. About getting too close, literally or not. He draws back and Cassidy holds on to his smile like a lifeline, because there’s being pathetic and there’s being desperate and he’s not about to remind Robert that right now he’s very much both of these.

“Come on. I have a first aid kit in my car.”

“Weren’t you g’na do- y’know. Alcohol?”

“Do alcohol. Right. But somehow I found a human wreck on my way, so-”

“Don’t be like that.” He opens his eyes, even though it feels like the most effort he’s ever done in his life, and waves his hand in a vague shooing manner. “Go on. Get. ‘m fine.”

An aggravated sigh, before Robert grabs his arm and throws it around his shoulders. He hoists Cassidy up and starts walking, dragging him more than he’s carrying him. Cassidy feels hot from the tips of his fingers to his left hip, every point of contact radiating warmth. It’s a nice change from the cold.

God, he’s so cold.

A door opens and then he’s all but dropped on a car seat, only avoiding hitting his head on the top of the door by going completely lax as soon as no one’s holding him up. He slumps against the side of the seat while Robert goes to rummage around the front seat.

“I’m g’nna get blood all over your shit,” he whines.

“Don’t remind me. I’ll fax you the cleaning bill.”

He giggles. “You don’t have a fax.”

Robert comes back with a box in his hands, opens it to reveal the promised first aid kit. “You don’t know that.”

True. But- “I don’t have a fax.”

“That I can believe. Hold still.”

He smiles and stays very still, doesn’t even wince at the sting of disinfectant on his cuts. He’s had worse, but it never feels pleasant, doesn’t it? Only gets easier to bear.

For some definition of it, anyway.

He watches Robert through heavy lidded eyes as he works silently, cleaning every new wound and slapping a band-aid on any that needs it. He prods one of them for a moment longer, a deep gash from a broken bottle he didn’t see coming quickly enough.

“You’re lucky this doesn’t need stitches, because I draw the line at driving you to the ER at two a.m.”

“I could’ve stit- stich- stitched it up m’self.” God, words are hard. The alcohol’s hitting harder now, like it was just waiting for the right moment to remind him of the shots he was doing before the itch got worse and he had to find something else to keep his hands busy.

Robert makes a dubious sound in the back of his throat. “Sure you could.”

“I swear!” He jerks back and rolls up his sleeve with clumsy fingers to reveal another wound. It’s a week old, still held closed with his own shitty stitches, running through old track marks his arm is a connect-the-dots game. “Look!”

Robert recoils, frowning down at him as he pushes his arm down. “That looks like it was done by a drunk rat on crack.”

He gives it a serious second of thought before nodding. “Kinda was,” he says, because Robert isn’t the first person to call him a rat and at this point the moniker is almost starting to sound affectionate. Even though thinking ‘Robert’ and ‘affectionate’ in the same sentence hurts him, a bit, in that ‘old bruise you can’t stop touching’ kind of way. “‘xcept for the crack thing, ‘cus I’m clean, baby. Did ya know I’m clean? Did I- I… did I tell ya? Clean as a fucking…. Baby out of the bath, man.”

There’s something in Robert’s eyes he doesn’t know what to make of, something weird and not really soft, but not like the hard edge when he told him they were done, either. Then it’s gone and he gets up, closes the first aid kit with a snap and throws it on the front seat.

“You smell like a distillery. That’s not what I’d call clean.”

Cassidy leans back until he’s lying down across the backseat, staring through the window at the street light that blurs through his eyelashes. “‘s not the same though.”

Robert makes a soft sound. “No, I guess it isn’t.”

A moment passes. Then he’s being dragged up again, his legs pushes all the way inside as Robert wrestles a seatbelt around him. He tries to help for a bit but his hands always seem to get in the way, as they always do, and in the end he just tries to remain still in his confusion while Robert does his thing.

“What’re y’doing?”

“Getting you home.” Robert gets behind the wheel and turns the car on. “I’m not letting you walk all the way back to your house in that state.”

Cassidy thinks about objecting. Then, he thinks about nicer things, like the feeling of Robert’s hand on his cheek, his hot breath on the back of his neck, his nails clawing down his spine, stumbling out of this car together and through the door, into the bedroom and on the bed. Then, when the emptiness in his chest threatens to swallow him, he chokes out a, “That’s v’ry nice of you.”

“Please don’t throw up in my car.”

He doesn’t. He stays very quiet and very still for the drive back, slumped against the window, struggling to stay awake. He doesn’t manage it though because he wakes up with a start when the door opens, almost falls out if not for the seatbelt.

Robert has to carry him inside — really carry him this time, because his legs gave up somewhere between the bar and his house. He almost leaves Cassidy on his front step and then decides against it, goes through his pockets for his keys before unlocking the door one handed.

He drops him on his couch, kind of rearranging his limbs so he’s lying on his side before he draws back. Cassidy’s too tired to protest, and the better part of him knows it wouldn’t go well, anyway. But he wants to all the same. Wants Robert to stay close and maybe brush his hair out of his face and tells him he’s gonna be okay, like Alex used to do when things got really bad.

Instead he tucks his face in his arms until he can’t see the empty space in his living room and mumbles, “Thanks.”

He’s asleep before he can feel the weight of the blanket dropping on him, or hear the sound of the door closing after Robert — softly, quietly, so as to not wake him.

[shannaro-kamo]

O—->>Naruto Tag Game <<—-O

thank you for the tag, @flirtsuke​ ! <3 I tag @ravenaveira, @team7fangirl, @sasu-thirst, @gaara-nara, @roraewrites, @its-naruto-universe, @starvingbloom, @omgsakuraqueen, and @mikayuuxzeki :)

F A V O R I T E

Female Character: Sakura

Male Character: Sasuke

Team: 7

Sensei: Kakashi

Hokage: Tsunade

Kage: Gaara

Village: Leaf or Sand

Akatsuki Member: Itachi

Jutsu: Byakugou seal

Episode/Chapter: the Sakura chapters in FOD, hands down

Fight Scene: Sasori fight and Haku & Zabuza, I guess? there are so many

Fanfiction: I don’t read much fanfic

Story Arc: chuunin exams

Filler: Kakashi’s mask

What is your…

OTP (explain why): SasuSaku, because her love for him is so genuine and selfless; she spent like all of her time after the curse mark just being worried sick about him. Sakura is really the only girl Sasuke has shown a soft spot for, and his regard for her feelings despite his volatile state speaks volumes to me.

NoTP (without being a dick, explain why): SNS and SK, because SNS is not about romance, and Karin said she was “done” with Sasuke--Sakura never truly did so. Karin also never tried to save Sasuke, and that alone makes me favor SS.

Crackship/s: KakaSaku lol

BroTP: SNS and NaruShika and NaruGaa

OT3: NaruSasuSaku. My blog is called team 7 orgy lol

Crossover ship: ummm never thought about it lol, the only real crossover I’ve considered is May from Pokemon + Sakura BrOTP because they’re my top tier waifus. I’ve also always liked the idea of a Pokemon-ninja verse because I’m not original!

M I S C E L L A N E O U S

Do you have any headcanons? - Sasuke was a soppy mess when Sarada was born lol

Are you happy with the ending? Would you have done things differently? - I am very happy with the endgame pairings, but I definitely would have developed them more. I would’ve done Kaguya / Madara differently, and I would’ve had some sort of mutual official apology between Konoha and the Uchiha take place after the war.

How do you feel about the Next Generation? - I love Sarada, but I feel that Boruto is too much like Naruto and Konohamaru rolled into one. We already know how Naruto responded to Konohamaru not getting enough attention. I’m not in the camp that says Naruto is a bad father; I feel like saying he’s a bad father is totally unfair.

Say something about your favorite character. Good and bad. - Sakura earned her damn stripes. Most of the stuff people criticize her for was stuff that happened when she was a child, and I ain’t about judging children because I’m not stupid lol. I suppose I would’ve liked to see her apologize to Naruto for the fake confession; we do see her thinking of how sorry she is, which is good, but a verbal one would have been good to see. I also think she should apologize to Sasuke for trying to kill him, but obviously he needs to do the same on a completely different level.

What would a child between your OTP look like? How would they behave as parents? - Sarada is gorgeous. I don’t think it’d be possible for SS to have kids with pink hair and green eyes, unfortunately. There are some inconsistencies with the timeline of Gaiden / Sasuke coming back to the village but not seeing Sarada while seeing Sakura, but I’m not gonna get into that. Kishi done goofed.

Say something genuinely nice about your NoTP. - SNS is beautiful regardless of whether you see it as platonic or romantic. SK is also a lovely bond.

Say something negative about your OTP. - Sasuke needed to be more remorseful to Sakura. More development from Sasuke’s side in general would have been great, I won’t deny that.

Is there anyway you could be convinced to ship your NoTP? What would make you change your mind about the pairing? - Nothing could really make me get on board with SK, lol. In terms of SNS, idk, maybe I’d ship it if that fandom would stop shitting on Sakura and her feelings all the damn time.

What makes you mad about the series? - pretty much just the fandom lol

If you could see anything happen in the series, what would it be? - SASUSAKU TRAVELS AND RELATIONSHIP CONCEPTION AND MARRIAGE AND SARADA’S BIRTH MOTHERFUCKER. Also I’d love to see Kishi illustrate Sakura running a clinic.

What would you say to Kishimoto if given the chance? - Kishi, please explain the timeline inconsistencies in Gaiden. Was Sarada having a flashback to Sasuke and Sakura holding her hands in Gaiden? Did Sasuke communicate with Sakura via hawk in Gaiden? Did Sasuke distance himself from his family because he was afraid of being a dangerous/controversial presence around Sakura and Sarada? Is Sasuke home much more after Gaiden, as indicated by the Boruto movie? 

In your opinion…

Most attractive male? - Sasuke

Most attractive female? - Sakura, Hinata, Tsunade

Most overestimated? - hmmmmm, maybe like......Hinata by her own fandom lol

Not appreciated enough? - S A K U R A

What is the greatest thing about Naruto? - The diversity of the cast and the characters loving each other 

The worst? - Naruto getting too much focus, Sakura getting a little shafted in terms of screentime, Hinata’s entire character being centered around Naruto, girls in general getting shafted, also Hidan, Kakuzu, and Deidara, I hate them for taking up screentime because they have no legit backstories or development lol

The saddest moment? - Sasuke finding out about Itachi

The most defining? - Defining is a broad term, maybe I would say 685 when Sasuke catches Sakura, it just really showed what he was really feeling about her deep down

Rant about anything…

GO! - This fandom has truly infuriated me more than pretty much anything ever has, lol. I am so fucking sick of the Sakura hate, the misogyny, the jealousy, the hypocrisy, all of it. It’s ridiculous, it’s petty, it’s bandwagon hate, and that’s the absolute worst kind of hate. This fandom claims to be so feminist, but I’ve seen fujoshis time and time again belittle any girl who gets in the way of their OTP. The double standard setting is ridiculous. People need to stop fucking saying “you can’t be a Sakura or Sasuke fan if you ship SS” like seriously shut the fuck up. We all have different opinions about what’s right for the characters. Also, it should tell you something that SS shippers’ views align with Kishi’s. I really haven’t seen the SS fandom say “you can’t be a Sakura or Sasuke fan if you don’t ship SS.” Hopefully I haven’t seen it because it never happens. Just some food for thought. My anger with this fandom really started back in summer 2015 when Gaiden was being released. I made ONE post about people needing to respect Kishi, and people told me I needed to “get my sanctimonious opinions out of the SNS tag.” After that I really lost my shit with this fandom lmao. Many people, including myself, have owned up to various things, but there is still way too much toxicity and bullshit that needs to just stop. Luckily things are more calm than they used to be, but there is still improvement to be made. Sorry for the long rant lol but yeah I’ve been wanting to say all this at some point anyway so might as well bury it in a long-ass post. *stomps away to a beanbag chair*

[robertabobertson]

He loves me, he loves me not

Oh Shaunson. You really did it this time. 

So I went the opposite way, and played “calm, cool, and not into it” and now AJ is super into it. He’s introducing me to important people (bro/pgw/sister-in-law), inviting me to his parent’s cabin, and check out our conversation we had below: 

.. silence as we both get sleepy. 

S: “Andrew. Are you sleeping?” 

A: “No.” 

S: “I like you. And-” (I was about to say I want to meet his family-)

A: “And you’re falling in love with me?” 

*heart races, blush, he wraps his arms around my waist and looks at me while I say “noooo” laughing and put my hand over his eyes.

A:”Well I’m falling in love with you. I am in love with you. I think.” 

*pause*

S:”I am too... I want to meet your family.” 

A: “Our mountain house is opening soon. Really soon. I’ll talk to my mom about it, but I want you to come.” 

We make out, have emotional sex, like really fucking incredible sex, where he went incredibly slow, and we felt everything. It was also very sweaty. Neither of us climaxed - which made me start to suspect he was fucked up. 

Then all night long.. he kept waking up, grabbing me, talking sweetly to me, clearly dreaming of me, and he kept wanting to hold my hand. and hold me. He wanted to touch me. 

Wow. This seems to be a 180 from the Andrew I’ve been hanging out with. I think he had an epiphany recently that I’m a cool girl, and he wants to be with me. We did spend Friday together too, got high and talked about .. whatever was on our minds. I was on edge to be honest. I didn’t feel completely comfortable, but I really enjoyed our conversations. He’s a deep thinker. 

Here are my thoughts: 

1. He needs someone who is confident, doesn’t give a fuck, and cool / calm. He tends to be a little fragile. Overthinks his actions, easily embarrassed, but I can tell he desperately wants to not give a fuck. I love that, because it gives me room to reflect and recall that i also don’t want to give a fuck, and in most cases I really don’t. He’s also semi-hot tempered when things don’t make sense. I can calm him down. 

2. He’s vulnerable. Emotionally available. Hot damn I need that. He’s aware of his emotions and willing to discuss them. Anxiety, depression, love, his needs. It makes me feel like I can tell him what’s on his mind and he will try to tell me what’s on his. 

3. He’s a deep thinker. He is willing to talk about everything and anything. He does not appreciate surface thoughts though, if you’re going to go deep into something, go deep into it. I love where his brain goes and I typically agree with his opinions. Except maybe the climate. Also, he’s a libertarian but leans left but has an open mind. He’s willing to listen, piece things together, discuss, and then formulate his opinion. Mature. 

4. His aura balances me. I can get into states of mania but being with Andrew, I can calm down. 

5. His career is sexy - he’s good at it. Development

6. He’s tall as fuck, easily the sexiest guy I’ve ever been with, and we have great sex. He’s a giver in sex, holy fuck that has been ... eye opening 

7. He has an innocent streak that I like about him. Sometimes I define it as fragile, other times I see it as him just learning about the world, what the world thinks of him, how he fits in, especially since he made such a dynamic change from high school to college to his adult life. And he doesn’t have a dad to help him decide anymore. But he is open when his innocence comes out. He is okay to admit it. And it’s again very vulnerable. But I love it.

8. He is disciplined. He only eats when hungry, does he drug he wants to do, doesn’t over indulge, doesn’t over do it, has his shit together. 

9. He has passions: wuzgud, guitar, development, working out, i know i’m missing some.. 

10. he has friends - and they love him. He is surrounded by people. And they are good people. I like them. 

Red Flags: 

1. I’m not sure he knows what he wants. He seems to flip sometimes. By that I mean.. sometimes he is super into me. Sometimes he isn’t. It can be difficult to discern. 

2. He wants convenience - i think he has a selfish streak being the youngest. He tends to want things that are easy for him and forgets to look out for others: i.e. cab fare for his bro, laughing skull, dinners i make, remembering to schedule things with me

3. Fragile - he cares a little too much about things. He needs someone who is “plastic” in the sense they are completely NOT fragile and don’t give ANY f’s. That is usually me, but sometimes his fragility rubs off on me and I mirror it and it makes both of us uncomfortable. 

4. Drugs - he is willing to put almost anything in his mouth.

5. idk if he knows how to have a gf - i think because he is so fulfilled in his bros, he might not need/want/desire to have a best friend in a woman. Which is what I want. I want to tell them everything, never get bored of them, blah blah.

I was immediately infatuated with him. I am starting to be less intimidated by him and more of myself and I think he likes it. Sometimes I feel like I need to turn on the sex instead of being my goofy self, but I think he prefers goofy shauna. 

I really like the person I am getting to know. I think he’s amazing. I see a lot of potential with him, especially the loosened up fun/casual side of Andrew that I saw last weekend. I like that side. Am I in love? I’m getting there. But should I “get” there or should I already be there? I like how slow we’ve taken things, because I needed to go slow. if we were hot and fast, that would be a problem for me. And for him. But now.. I kinda get him. And I love .. him. I think. 

Things I need to know: 

1. What does AJ want with me? 

2. Why is he in love with me? 

3. Why does he think this is a good idea? 

4. Are we dating? 

And that’s a lot on AJ. Next up K. I am not sure why I am even going out with him when I have AJ. But it’s kinda an adventure? He’s 40. A millionaire, and moving to Chicago in less than a month. I don’t have much to lose. The issue? It’s pretty obvious there was an instant spark between us. Much like the one Paul & I had. I swear I saw emotional tears in his face when we first hungout. I’m not sure if that’s true. And now I can’t even remember what that was like but.. he’s kind. interesting. he’s experienced probably everything in life. he’s sweet. he’s funny. he’s a complete and total dork. His laugh is... the best. Sexual chemistry? Not sure there is any, but I completely shut that down when we grabbed drinks. I didn’t want to be confused. And yet.. I found myself completely captivated by him. It’s like I’ve known him my whole life and suddenly we’re picking up where we left off after years of not seeing each other. I think everyone probably feels like that around him though.. 

And yet. I’m not sure. I need to figure out a few things: 

1. Does everyone have this reaction to him? 

2. Did he kinda feel as oddly freaked out as I did after our meeting? 

3. What happened in his last relationship? 

4. Why has he never been married? Does he believe in marriage? 

5. What does he want out of life? 

Holy fuck. I hate when men are the center of my life and I just spent an hour typing this. But damn it felt better than swirling in my mind all day.