#(since ive been up drinking until 6am almost)

[xxx-active-addiction-xxx]

Almost 5:30 am and I gotta get up soon to do do home reno. But will I? Probably the bare minimum, just in whatever moments I'm not way too drunk

[tiannasfanfic]

Wisdom

Eddie Munson x Reader (Fluff)

| Masterlist | AO3 Link |

Summary: You finally get your wisdom teeth taken out and your best friend, Eddie Munson, is there to take care of you afterwards.

Rating: General

Author Note: Gender neutral reader, they/them pronouns, if any. Here's a little bit of fluff to go with all of our smut for Kinktober. Based on when I got my wisdom teeth taken out and the hilarity of me waking up from anesthesia. The only thing I remember about any of this is the tongue thing. Everything else I was told about second hand from my parents.

CW: Dental problems (wisdom teeth, wisdom teeth removal with no details except for proper medical definitions only); pain; pain medication used for post-op pain; side effects of anesthesia and pain mediation (loopiness, nausea, mentions of Reader throwing up due to medication); mention of IV but no details.

Word Count: 2,112

There comes a time in everybody’s life where a certain rite of passage happens. It’s an unpleasant one that everybody dreads.

Wisdom teeth removal.

While most people would have it done right away if they had the means, you put it off. You didn’t want to do it. It wasn’t that you were scared about it. The idea of having them taken out didn’t bug you at all since they’d be knocking you out cold for the procedure. It was the idea of recovering with all sides of your mouth hurting that intimidated you.

After three years of putting it off, you finally hit your breaking point when both of your bottom wisdom teeth were so impacted you had regular, painful flair ups of TMJ and were infected to the point you had to be on antibiotics for three weeks before the oral surgeon could even touch you.

Needless to say, your dad, your best friend Eddie Munson and his uncle, Wayne, weren’t very happy with you that you let it get that bad.

That was why when your dad got called out of town for work two days before your surgery, he immediately called Wayne and Eddie. Your dad was supposed to take you to the appointment and look after you for a couple of days, so he was afraid if you had to reschedule, you’d just cancel it completely. After seeing you be in pain almost daily since you were 17, no one wanted that. A new plan was quickly formulated.

Eddie would take you to and from the appointment. Since your dentist expected the recovery to be rough at first with how bad it was, Eddie would stay with you for a couple of days until you had recovered some.

It was a simple enough plan.

At first, all was going well. You couldn’t eat or drink after midnight, so your appointment was early. 8:30am, to be exact, so you went ahead and got your prescriptions the day before, then stayed the night with Eddie to make sure he got up. One thing he would never be accused of in his life was being a morning person.

Surprisingly, he got up easily when Wayne woke you two up at 6am when he got home from work.

“Course I’m getting up,” Eddie said groggily, sitting at the edge of the bed and rubbing his eyes when you teased him about it. “I hate seeing you in pain and you know I would do just about anything for you.”

That made you warm inside. While Eddie was your best friend, you had fallen for him ages ago and had kept quiet about it. That was a line you didn’t want to cross since he was your closest friend. Outside of him, your dad and Wayne, you couldn’t count on many people. If you told Eddie how you felt and the friendship was ruined, that would effectively cut the list in half. That was something you definitely wanted to avoid. Your feelings had been bottled up for a long time now, and that’s exactly where you intended to keep them.

Surprisingly, you didn’t get nervous about the procedure until you were already in the chair with the IV in. They had you count backwards from one hundred, but you were out cold before you even reached ninety.

Thus ended your part in the whole fiasco.

And it would, indeed, become a fiasco.

Two hours later, Eddie was woken up from his nap in the waiting room to the news that you were awake and ready to go home. The nurse led him back to your room so they could go over post-op care with him since you were, in the nurse’s words, “a little loopy.”

Loopy didn’t even begin to cover it.

Despite the fact you had just gone through a little bit of surgery, you were in the best mood Eddie had ever seen you in for the entire time he’s known you.

“Weddy, muh wuv!” you exclaimed as soon as he walked in.

Eddie took one look at you and had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

Between the gauze you had in your mouth and the mild swelling already starting through your cheeks, you reminded him of a squirrel who had its mouth packed full of nuts.

“Ah mah gawd, Weddy!” you said, making grabby hands at him so he’d come closer. “Ave ah avar tald ewe ow uch ah’m in ove wit ewe? Ike, fer eel?”

That was the moment Eddie realized weed highs and anesthesia highs were two completely different things. Between the obvious slurring from that and the gauze, he didn’t have a clue what you just tried to say.

“Hey there, Princess,” Eddie said, chuckling as he came over to the dentist’s chair you were sitting in.

As soon as he got close enough, you dove halfway out of the chair to wrap your arms around his hips in a bear hug. You also headbutted Eddie right in the crotch in the process. Thankfully, it wasn’t terribly hard, but it was definitely hard enough to make tears spring up in his eyes and his knees wobble.

“Easy there, Princess,” he gently scolded you, a slight strain to his voice from the impact.

He grasped you by your shoulders to sit you upright in the chair before you could lean over anymore and fall out of it.

Right as Eddie was about to pull away and stand upright, you grabbed his face in both of your hands and kissed him.

Or, tried to, rather. You just kind of latched your lips onto his bottom lip and sat there, completely still with your eyes closed.

Eddie couldn’t help but chuckle then, and gently pushed you back down into the chair. You pouted, which looked especially pathetic with your slightly swollen bottom lip.

It didn’t take long to go over the post-op instructions, then Eddie pulled his van around to the side entrance the nurse brought you to in a wheelchair. It took a few minutes to load you up because you kept jumping out of the van and back into Eddie’s arms before he could get the door closed. He finally had to go back around to sit in the driver’s side and coax you in while the nurses helped you climb up into the van.

The drive back was uneventful for the first half of the half hour trip. You were a chatterbox during that time, though Eddie still couldn’t understand you. One sentence sounded like, “I love you, Eddie,” but he knew that wasn’t what you said. As much as he wanted you to, he knew you really didn’t feel that way about him.

Then, halfway home, you started freaking out for apparently no reason. He ended up pulling over and calming you down but still couldn’t understand what you were trying to say when he asked you what happened. You finally took some of the gauze out then to explain.

“Thomething wath moving in my mouth and it thcared me.”

It was your tongue. You had noticed your tongue moving between the gauze while you were talking, and it freaked you out.

A couple of minutes after Eddie pulled back onto the road, you suddenly got quiet for the first time since you’d been out of surgery. Eddie looked over to see your face twisted in a look of discomfort and you were holding your stomach.

“Feeling sick?” Eddie asked and you nodded rapidly.

Eddie started speeding a little since he knew how much it sucked throwing up in a moving vehicle or on the side of the road. The nurse had warned him nausea was a potential reaction to being under anesthesia, so that wasn’t a surprise.

As soon as he pulled up to your house, he cut the engine, jumped out of the van, and ran up to the door to get it unlocked. He figured that would make it easier for you if he went back for you rather than make you stand there while he got it open.

However, he had barely gotten the inside door open when he heard the sound of running footsteps behind him. Eddie turned around just in time to see you stagger running up on him. He jumped out of your way, holding the screen door open for you as you ran inside, making a bee line for the bathroom while very obviously trying not to fall over.

Eddie quickly got the passenger door of the van closed so none of the neighborhood cats would get in, then hurried to check on you.

By this point, you were on your knees in front of the toilet, leaned over it and holding onto the bowl for dear life. He had seen this pose a couple of times after you’d had too much to drink. Since there was nothing in your stomach, the throwing up amounted to just dry heaving, but it didn’t take very long before you were sobbing, too.

“Throwing up after surgery sucks,” you whined into the toilet as Eddie held your hair and rubbed your back.

At least you had realized you needed to take the gauze out before you started throwing up. It was sitting next to you on the floor, so all Eddie had to do was throw it away rather than fish it out of the toilet.

It didn’t take very long before you felt okay enough to let Eddie help you up and lead you to his bed, where you not so gracefully fell onto it. Since you had been told to dress comfortably in loose clothing, you were already basically wearing your pajamas. You were in a loose t shirt and pajama pants, so you wouldn’t have to change. You had even forgone a bra since you didn’t want to mess with one when you got back.

Eddie helped you get in a more comfortable position and pulled the covers up over you. You ended up falling asleep shortly after that and this time Eddie was positive he heard you mutter, “I love you.” But, as much as it made his heart skip, he knew it was just the drugs talking.

The fiasco continued later that afternoon when you discovered the hard way that the painkillers you were prescribed made you sick. This time, it wasn’t just passing nausea and you spent quite a while with your head in a trash can. That understandably made you refuse to take anymore, but you were in a lot of the pain after the last of the anesthesia and Novocain wore off. It kept you up all night, which kept Eddie awake.

Eddie spent most of the day trying to think of a way to help you when an idea finally occurred to him.

“I know you can’t smoke,” he said. “But I can try shot gunning it to you instead. See if that helps.”

You were ready to try anything at this point and readily agreed.

The first hit from the joint went well. Eddie kept his lips a safe distance from yours to avoid bumping into you. You kept your eyes closed as you slowly inhaled the smoke through your mouth. Still though, it felt intensely intimate to Eddie, and he had to keep himself from trembling above you.

The next few hits weren’t as intense for him now that he knew what to expect, and he managed to get through a full joint by shot gunning most of the hits to you. After about an hour, when it did indeed seem to be helping, he lit up another joint to start the process again.

Eddie didn’t notice how he got closer and closer to you with each shotgun. He didn’t notice it when he lightly pressed his lips to yours, or your eyes snap open wide since his were closed. He didn’t even notice it when he did the same thing a few moments later with the last hit off the joint.

But he did notice it when your hand came up to rest softly along the side of his face.

Eddie’s eyes few open and he finally realized he was actually kissing you.

After a moment, he pulled away and your eyes came halfway open. A sleepy, high smile came across your face.

“What took you so long?” you asked him.

Before Eddie could formulate a response, you yawned slightly and turned onto your side, eyes closing. You were asleep before he knew it, leaving him sitting over you, blinking.

That had to be the pain and the weed talking…right?

Had to be.

[artificialqueens]

In Sickness and In Health (Branjie)- athena2

A/N: Brooke gets sick and ends up in the hospital. Luckily Vanessa is always there to keep her together. 

This is just a little sick fic I’ve had in progress and decided to finish to work through some writer’s block and hopefully get some writing inspiration. It’s fluffy with some mild angst, and I hope you enjoy! Please leave feedback if you’d like, it always means a lot to me! Thank you Writ for betaing and all your encouragement!

*There is hospitalization and mild medical talk. It’s not graphic, but do be cautious*

—

Vanessa wakes when the sun slips through the curtains, rolling over to bury her face in Brooke’s neck. For two years now she’s been waking up next to Brooke and each morning still feels like that first one, body bursting with tenderness and love Vanessa knew she’d have forever, even after just one night.

“Saturday morning pancake time!” Vanessa nudges Brooke’s side and she winces, covering it up with a loud groan.

“What’s wrong?” Vanessa’s trying not to worry, but Brooke hadn’t hidden that pain as well as she thought, and she just can’t help it.

“I’m just not really hungry for pancakes,” Brooke says quietly.

“You didn’t eat lunch or dinner yesterday either,” Vanessa adds, trying to keep the worry out of her voice.

“My stomach’s a little off, I guess.”

“Is there anything you are hungry for?” she tries.

“Toast, maybe?”

Vanessa leads Brooke out of bed and seats her at the table, setting a plate of toast in front of her a few minutes later. She watches with intense eyes as Brooke takes two bites and sips at a glass of water.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to watch me like I’m a baby,” she insists when she sees Vanessa staring. Brooke hates to be fussed over, and Vanessa tries to be more discreet the rest of the day, as she keeps her eye on Brooke, watching her act less and less like herself. They go to the farmer’s market and Brooke doesn’t eat the strawberries right out of the container like she always does, her normally graceful walk slow and hunched slightly, and has nothing but a cup of tea for lunch even though it’s her favorite cafe.

She shoots Nina a text with Brooke’s symptoms, needing someone reasonable. Nina is a fellow kindergarten teacher and one of Vanessa’s best friends at work, and she commands Vanessa and Brooke to come over for dinner once a month because she loves them so much. The reply makes her legs quiver: My niece had something similar. Ended up being her appendix. If she’s still sick Monday, you might want to get her to a doctor. Though I know that’ll be hard with how stubborn Brooke is.

By the time she checks Brooke for a fever that night, the worry is like a block of cement in her chest.

“You feel kinda warm,” Vanessa says as Brooke bats her hand away from her forehead.

“I’m fine.”

Vanessa sighs. “Brooke, you haven’t eaten in two days and your stomach still hurts. You been wincing all day, don’t think I can’t see it. And I’m pretty sure you have a fever. If you’re not better by Monday, you’re going to the hospital, and I don’t want to hear a single argument, Mary.”

Brooke holds up her hands in surrender. “Okay. But I’m not sick. It’s just a little stomach ache. I’m sure I’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

—

It’s just past 6am Sunday morning when the sound of someone throwing up wakes Vanessa from her sleep, and she rushes to the bathroom, Brooke kneeling on the floor by the toilet.

“Brooke, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she groans, flushing the toilet. “Nothing in me to throw up, really.”

Vanessa hands her a cup of water and sits on the floor next to her, stroking Brooke’s long hair. Brooke’s skin is always fair but she’s white as a sheet now, with purple circling her eyes. She’s going to the hospital, no matter what Vanessa has to do to get her there.

Brooke swishes the water around and spits back in the toilet rather than the sink, and Vanessa thinks it’s because she’s too weak to stand.

“Your stomach still hurts?”

“It’s not that bad.”

Brooke is still denying it, but it doesn’t escape Vanessa that she’s gone from ‘I’m fine’ to ‘It’s not that bad’. That’s about as close to an admission of illness that she’ll get from Brooke, and Vanessa rests a hand on her forehead again. It’s not burning hot but it’s warmer than last night, and her hand comes back sticky with sweat. Brooke hasn’t even swatted at her, another sign of how sick she must be.

“You’re warmer now, I think,” Vanessa says gently. “You’ve been like this since Friday and I don’t think you’re getting any better. Will you let me take you to the ER? Please?”

“Okay.” Brooke caves softly, and Vanessa worries more than ever as she speeds to the hospital.

—-

The next few hours are a whirlwind. They spend about 15 minutes with a doctor in one of the exam rooms before Brooke is admitted with a likely case of appendicitis and set up in a hospital bed, nurses in and out drawing blood samples, placing thermometers in her mouth, inserting an IV in her arm, sometimes taking Brooke away for more tests. The doctor orders some sort of scan and a nurse tells Brooke to drink two jumbo Styrofoam cups of something that Brooke grumbles tastes like chalk, grimacing with each sip.

Vanessa just sits in the hard plastic chair next to Brooke’s bed, giving her encouraging smiles that aren’t working. All Vanessa can do is watch as Brooke flinches each time her IV gets caught, her hand clutching at her side when she moves wrong. It must suck to be in that bed but it sucks just as much to be in the chair next to it, watching Brooke suffer and being unable to do a thing to help her. Vanessa would take her place in an instant.

She’s trying to stay calm for Brooke’s sake, but her wife looking so small and fragile in a hospital bed is one of the scariest things Vanessa’s ever seen in her life. Brooke never gets sick. She hasn’t had anything worse than a cold in the two years they’ve been married, and hated every second of them; hated having people fuss over her and act like she was weak. Vanessa, on the other hand, caught every virus known to the world from her kindergarteners and didn’t mind having Brooke cover her in blankets and make her soup. Vanessa’s never been the caretaker before, and she’s not sure how much longer she can keep this up.

“It’s freezing in here,” Brooke complains, pulling the blanket up high over her thin hospital gown, grimacing as it tugs on her IV.

It is cold in the room, cold enough that Vanessa can’t just blame it on Brooke’s fever.

“Here.” She takes off her coat and lays it on top of Brooke’s shivering body, met with immediate protests that she shuts down just as fast.

“How did I even get sick in the first place? I shouldn’t be sick. Do you think I did something to my appendix? What if–”

Leave it to Brooke to blame herself for being in the hospital. “Brooke, you didn’t do anything. Something like this is totally beyond your control, there’s nothing you could have done to cause it,” Vanessa soothes. “And besides, we don’t even know for sure that’s what it is.”

“Well, based on Google, I’m pretty convinced, but if I had my phone back–”

“You’re not getting it back.”

“Please? I’m so bored.” Brooke whines, her pout so pitiful Vanessa almost caves. But the whole reason she took it is so Brooke can’t type her symptoms into WebMD and convince herself she’s dying, and Vanessa holds firm even though it physically pains her.

“How much longer am I gonna be stuck here?” Brooke taps her fingers impatiently on the bed rail.

It’s not even 10am yet, but it feels like they’ve been through an entire day, with no idea of how much longer this will go on. Brooke is restless in the bed, wringing her hands, flicking through TV channels and not watching a single one, fiddling with her hospital bracelet. She keeps touching the empty space on her ring finger, the ring currently in Vanessa’s purse since it had to be removed for the scan. She’d give it back to Brooke to comfort her and maybe help her relax a little, but what’s the point? It’d probably have to come off again eventually, and she doesn’t think anything could relax her wife right now. Brooke is color-coded schedules and careful planning, her days laid out in detail, from meetings at work to shopping trips and dinner dates with Vanessa. She likes preparation, knowing exactly how her day will go. Being trapped in a hospital bed, not knowing how long she’ll be stuck there, how long until a nurse gets her for another test or tells her what’s wrong, must be one of the worst things in the world for her.

“I know, baby, but we just gotta wait.”

Brooke heaves a loud sigh, followed by a wince. “I don’t want to be here! I hate this! I hate this stupid bed and I can’t even move without this stupid IV digging in my arm and I had to drink a gallon of fucking melted chalk for that CT scan and they still won’t even say what’s wrong with me and my stomach hurts, Ness.”

The outburst scares her just as much as it breaks her heart. Vanessa has noticed Brooke slowly losing her grip over the past three hours, but it doesn’t mean she’s any more prepared when she finally crumbles. Brooke has always been her rock, keeping them focused with her schedules, doing the grocery shopping when Vanessa forgets, taking the day off work just to help Vanessa decorate her classroom every year. It was Brooke who Vanessa would cling to when she was stressed and having a shitty day, Brooke who would give her a massage and listen to her rants. Even during Brooke’s times of insecurity where she was up all night stressing over case notes, worrying that she wasn’t good enough, she’s never fallen apart quite like this, and Vanessa knows she’ll have to weather the storm to keep Brooke whole.

She loosens the deathgrip Brooke has on the railing and rubs her thumb over the back of Brooke’s hand in soothing circles. “It’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna get through this together, okay?”

Brooke gives a weak nod.

“Why didn’t you say the pain got worse?”

Brooke just shrugs. “Didn’t want to bother anyone.”

Oh, fuck her Canadian politeness. Vanessa takes a breath. “Okay, first of all, you’re not bothering anyone. You gotta say when you need something. Now how about I call the nurse and have her bring you some more painkillers?”

Brooke nods again.

A minute later a nurse injects something in Brooke’s IV, saying that the test results should be coming soon, and Brooke’s shoulders lose some of their tightness, the pinched lines that had taken over her features smoothing out. She keeps frowning at her missing wedding ring, but she does nod along as Vanessa talks to distract her, telling her stories about what the kids in her class got up to last week. Brooke even manages a smile that is erased the second the doctor walks in.

The doctor is talking, telling them it’s appendicitis and they have Brooke scheduled for surgery in an hour; the surgery is some laparo-something mumbo-jumbo, it’s minimally invasive and the recovery is so quick Brooke can probably go home tomorrow.

Vanessa’s trying to listen, she really is, but the second the word surgery comes out Brooke’s face falls, and Vanessa can see the wheels spinning in Brooke’s mind as she spirals.

The doctor says the nurses and the surgeon will be in soon to go over some information, and then she leaves, Brooke’s breaths turning to shallow pants.

“Brooke–” Vanessa begins.

“I don’t want surgery,” Brooke huffs.

“Br–”

“Ness, please, I just wanna go home.” Her voice is small, barely more than a whisper, and Vanessa would rip her out of the bed and take her home right this second if she didn’t know Brooke needed to be in the hospital.

She’s scared, Vanessa realizes as her heart shatters. For all the cool confidence Brooke projects at her law firm, all the men she makes quiver with a single glance, Brooke’s never been sick like this, never even been hospitalized before. Vanessa squeezes her hand, trying to find the right words to soothe Brooke and keep her together. She’s talked several kindergarteners down from temper tantrums in her day, and while she knows Brooke would protest at being compared to a five-year-old, the calming process is roughly the same.

“I know you wanna go home, honey, I know. But you need to stay here and have the surgery to make you feel better, okay? And then once you’re better, we’ll go home and we can lay on the couch and watch anything you want. Even them scary-ass murder shows.”

Brooke bites her lip, and Vanessa thinks it worked, but then more comes pouring out of Brooke as she lifts her head up from the bed.

“But what if something goes wrong, what if it’s more serious than they think and they can’t fix it, what if-”

“Shh,” she whispers, stroking Brooke’s hair with her other hand. “You’re gonna be fine. They do this shit like a hundred times a day. It’s no big deal. The doctor said it’s quick and you can probably go home tomorrow. It’s gonna be okay.”

Brooke bites her lip and Vanessa thinks she might protest, but her eyes search Vanessa’s, see the love reflected there, and Brooke settles back against the pillows. “Okay.”

Vanessa climbs up into Brooke’s bed, turning on her side, careful to avoid her abdomen. “I ain’t giving you your phone, but how about we watch cat videos on mine?”

Brooke smiles in agreement. The two of them are still huddled together, watching a cat play the piano, when nurses arrive to take Brooke down for the surgery.

“Ness,” she pleads, hand flailing around, breaths coming in quick pants, as the nurses start moving the bed.

Vanessa’s starting to worry too despite how relaxed she’s been for the past four hours, and she digs for the last ounces of calm within her.

She takes Brooke’s hand and squeezes it tight. “You’re okay, Brooke. You’re gonna be fine. It’s gonna be over really quick, and I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?” Brooke asks nervously.

“I promise.” She twirls her pinky around Brooke’s larger one, bending down to kiss Brooke’s forehead.

The nurses take Brooke away, speaking calmly to her as they move down the hall, one staying behind to take Vanessa to the waiting room, where she finally, finally, loses her calm.

She paces back and forth across the waiting room rug so fast she makes herself dizzy. Her phone buzzes with a text from Nina, who Vanessa has been updating the past few hours.

Brooke will be fine. She’s tough as nails. Try to stay calm. Don’t forget to drink and eat something too.

She knows Nina is right, that she doesn’t need to worry about Brooke. Brooke has made her way to the top of her law firm over men who constantly wanted to bring her down, has spoken at meetings where she was the only woman in the room. Brooke told Vanessa she once did a dance performance with a broken toe as a teenager. She has no doubt in her mind Brooke will come out of this just fine and recover even faster than expected. She knows it’s a routine procedure, that there’s probably nothing to worry about.

But still.

How can she sit down and relax or eat anything when Brooke is behind those doors, all alone in a sea of scrubs and monitors, having her skin cut open?

Vanessa sits down in another uncomfortable chair because she might start crying soon. She spins her wedding band and engagement ring around her finger, thinking of how Brooke had proposed on her birthday and Vanessa was so surprised it took her a few seconds to throw herself at Brooke and say yes.

She wants Brooke back now. Neither of them did well when they were apart. Vanessa had gone to a teachers’ conference last year and was unable to sleep in her plush hotel bed that was just too empty, coming home to see Brooke with deep bags beneath bloodshot eyes as she admitted that she couldn’t sleep without Vanessa kicking her in the middle of the night.

She checks the time. It’s only been 15 minutes. The doctor said the surgery would take about an hour and then they’d bring Brooke to the recovery room for the anesthesia to wear off before Vanessa could see her. Vanessa hates that she won’t be there when Brooke first wakes up, but the doctor said Brooke would be very sleepy and disoriented and might not even remember the recovery room.

She gets another text from Nina suggesting that she visit the gift shop to keep herself busy, and that’s what she does. It better be well-stocked, because Vanessa is a stress shopper and she could clean the bitch out right now.

She strides past bags of chips and candy and cookies, knowing Brooke won’t be able to eat for a while. She finds bright sunflowers and lilies and grabs a stuffed whale with Get Whale Soon printed on its back, which should make Brooke smile at least.

She stashes her bags on a chair and resumes her pacing, minutes ticking by like sludge until she hears a doctor call her name.

“Everything went well. She’s okay.”

Vanessa hears those words and can’t really pay attention to the rest, body ready to run to wherever Brooke is, to see her with her own eyes and know she’s okay.

“Can I see her?” she blurts, not caring about her rudeness.

The doctor smiles, probably used to people ruder than her. “We’re moving her into her room now, and then a nurse will take you to see her. She’s asleep right now; she’ll probably be in and out for another couple hours and she’ll be a little groggy. We’d like to keep her overnight for observation, but there were no complications and she should be able to go home tomorrow.”

The relief is overwhelming, and Vanessa has to grab at her chest to stay standing. She’s okay. Brooke is okay. The thoughts are on loop as the nurse takes her to Brooke’s room, leaving with instructions to call if they need anything.

All she needs right now is Brooke, every ounce of Vanessa’s focus trained on her wife. Brooke is pale, almost as pale as the sheets, and she looks so small, not like Vanessa’s entire body can fit against her. But her face is peaceful as she sleeps and Vanessa is grateful she’s at least not in any pain.

She arranges a florist’s worth of flowers on the window and rests the whale against Brooke’s leg, avoiding her abdomen. The doctor said they made three small incisions and sealed them with sutures that dissolve on their own, which sounds like some sci-fi shit to Vanessa. The rise of Brooke’s chest is soft and steady and Vanessa finds herself matching it, all her fears from the past hours melting away. She’s okay. Brooke is okay.

She settles into another hard chair and waits.

—-

“N-Ness?” Brooke’s voice is hoarse and foggy and it’s the best thing Vanessa’s heard in hours.

“I’m here.”

Brooke is trying to turn her head but not getting anywhere, and Vanessa stands up so Brooke can see her.

“Good.” Brooke’s glassy eyes slide shut and she takes a deep breath before forcing them back open, like she’s afraid Vanessa will disappear if they close too long.

“You can go back to sleep, baby. I’ll still be here.”

“‘Kay.”

Brooke is asleep seconds later.

—-

“Ness?” Brooke’s voice is a bit clearer, a bit stronger this time.

“I’m here, honey. Do you feel okay?”

“Mmm. You’re here.”

Brooke’s right hand is moving, or trying to anyway, the motion wobbly and slow. A frustrated wrinkle forms between her eyebrows. It’s adorable, but Vanessa reaches down to take Brooke’s hand so she doesn’t get too upset.

“I’m here. I promised, didn’t I?”

“I love you.” Vanessa’s not sure if it’s just her or the leftover anesthesia mixed with painkillers, but Brooke’s eyes are clearer than before and she’ll never tire of Brooke saying she loves her.

“I love you too, baby.” She reaches down near Brooke’s leg and pulls up the gift resting there. “I got you a whale.”

“I love it,” Brooke gasps, mouth falling open, and Vanessa releases her hand so Brooke can hold it, her fingers clumsily stroking the whale’s head.

“Thank you for staying,” Brooke says.

“Of course, baby. I’m always gonna stay with you.”

She leans down to kiss Brooke, and she knows the words will always be true.

[luckyspike]

Eleventh Hour Admission - A Good Omens fanfiction

Hey guys remember when I talked about writing a hospital AU

i did it but no one is a doctor they’re all nurses

title refers to literally getting an admission during the eleventh hour of your shift, possibly a fate worse than death

CW: hospitals, medical procedures, automobile accidents, the joint commission

this will never be continued (probably) or posted to AO3, so enjoy it

--

Ari Fell liked it his job. That wasn’t sarcasm. He really, truly liked his job: he liked helping other people, he liked watching the sickest of the sick get well again and, when he couldn’t do that, he liked being there for them, trying to help them peacefully and painlessly move on. He liked meeting the families of his patients, he liked getting to know his patients when they could talk, and he liked that every day was a new day, something different and unknown and rife with opportunity to learn something new, or to help someone.

He liked his job, but he didn’t like 6am admissions.

Which, he had a feeling, was precisely why his ASCOM phone was going off at 5:55am. The caller ID informed him that it was Gabriel, the charge for tonight. He winced and the other nurse working the east pod with him tonight, Tracy, nodded sympathetically. He picked up the phone, and answered the call.

“Ari!” Yes. Yes, that was Gabriel. By the sound of it, he was in the cafeteria, likely having coffee with the other charges during their morning “bed meeting”. Ari had long since suspected that “bed meeting” was an excuse to get coffee and kvetch for the last hour of their shift, but he’d never really had the opportunity to find out, after he’d refused the offered charge position last year. 

“Gabe.” He stared gloomily at the empty room before him. It had been empty all night, after he’d packed the last patient off to IMC to make room for a possible admit. He had known it was too good to be true, known with a sort of icy certainty that a quiet night would never last, and soon enough there would be some kind of admit rolling up. He’d hoped it wouldn’t be an hour before shift change but, well … 

Maybe it would be an intubated pneumonia. Sedated, even. That would be nice.

“Got an ED trainwreck coming up. You heard them call that level 1 trauma, yeah?”

His heart dropped into his stomach, which dropped all the way to his Danskos. “Yes.”

“MVA, lady was flying and ran off the road into the orchard. Hit like three of the apple trees, Bee told me. Anyway, she’s a hot mess. I told them they could call report and bring her up any time.”

“I’ll need to stock the room -” 

Gabriel ignored him. “I’d love to help get her settled but we’re gonna be in bed meeting until 6:30 and then I have to do the board for day shift, but I’m sure you and Tracy’ll have it in hand. Holler if you need anything!” The line went dead.

“What do you need?” Tracy asked, already half out of the pod, aimed toward the supply room. The supply room, Ari knew, where the housekeeper usually hung around this time of the morning, surreptitiously drinking instant-brew coffee behind the Pyxis. 

Ari sighed. “A whole set-up. I don’t have report yet, but it’s a trauma. Probably need suction and the whole nine yards.” The ASCOM chirped again. “That’ll be report.”

“I’ll get some culture bottles and extra red tops as well.” He nodded to her as she vanished around the corner, and picked up the phone. “Ari Fell, ICU 4 East.”

“Ari!” He might have groaned. “It’s AJ!”

“Great. You’re calling report, I assume?”

“Well, yeah, but also I was just thinking I’m off for two days after this, and I don’t have any plans after my shift, was thinking about kegs and eggs at the place across the street. Care to join?”

“Somehow,” Ari said with rather more chill to his tone than usual, “I think I’ll be getting off my shift late.”

AJ laughed. “Oh, yeah. I’m bringing up the hot mess express.”

“Oh, boy.” He half-sighed, half-groaned. “I’m ready.”

“Right, patient’s still a Jane Doe but ID in her purse said Eve Smith, 22 years old, just waiting on family to confirm. Chaplain called her parents but no answer yet. Anyway, adult female, unrestrained driver in car-versus-tree MVA, GCS of 3 at the scene, flown here, went into SVT on the way but we’ve got her on amio now at 0.5mg/hr, pan-scan showed a left-sided pneumo -”

He rattled on, Ari jotting down notes as AJ moved through the systems. At least there was that: report from AJ was, usually, good, although he did like to linger on the gory details a little longer than necessary sometimes. If he was going to get a 6am admit, at least he’d have a good report to hand off to the next shift when he inevitably presented them with this hot disaster.

Tracy was back from the supply room, a suspicious damp spot on her scrub top. The navy blue shade hid the color of the spot, but if Ari had to guess, it would be the color of Svanka instant coffee. “Enough?” she asked, holding up two bags of supplies and a handful of lab tubes. He cupped a hand over the phone.

“Two straight poles and an IV pole,” he whispered. “And an EVD hookup for the monitor.”

“Gotcha.”

“Anyway,” AJ was saying, “she’s got a Foley, so you don’t have to worry about that, and, ah … Hm. Multiple lacerations and abrasions spread out all over, but no pressure wounds or anything otherwise. Right. Anything else you need?”

“Ah …” He looked at the report sheet, the notes about infusions and lines and testing left un-done, and shrugged. “You’re coming up with her, right?”

“Oh, yeah. It’ll be a miracle if she doesn’t crump on the way up. I’ll probably be bagging her when we get there.”

He grimaced. “Wonderful. I’ll have RT ready. Otherwise, uh … no, I think I should be alright. Whenever you’re ready, we’ve got the room stocked.”

“Okay.” A little distantly, as if he’d moved away from the receiver somewhat, he heard AJ call, “Hey, you ready Erica? Time to move!” And then, back into the phone. “See you in ten.”

Ari ended the call, placed a quick SOS to respiratory for a vent delivery, and tossed the ASCOM onto the desk. One last chance to check his other patient - a post-op heart cath they’d sent for access site observation overnight before planned discharge in the morning - and then he headed into the empty room, fussing around with the lines and waiting. The vent was there, already pre-programmed with the settings, blue screen glowing in the dark room as it waited. Tracy returned with the required equipment, and rolled a pole across the room, around the end of the bed, toward Ari.

“Disaster?”

“Complete train wreck.”

She patted his shoulder. “My two are primped and propped and ready for seven. I can help all you like, dear.” She was always nice like that, calling him ‘dear’. He supposed it made sense, given that Tracy was old enough to be his mother, but he had noticed she never used the term for anybody else. He’d never asked her about it, though, mostly because he was sort of afraid that if he pointed it out, she would stop. 

“I think we just wait, now.”

“Fresh meat coming?” The gruff voice of the custodian drew their attention to the doorway. “I’m off duty at 6:30, so if you think I’ll be coming in here to clean up whatever mess you and those hideous interns make -”

“I’m sure your relief will have it well in-hand, Mr. S.” Tracy fluttered her eyelashes, and leaned across the bedside table, the front of her V-neck scrub top gaping open just enough to draw the housekeeper’s eyes. “You know, I was thinking of getting breakfast and coffee at The Pantry across the street after shift … been craving their waffles.” It was a statement, but it hung open like a question. Mr. S blushed a little.

“I … I’m a little hungry myself. Could go for a nice thick pat of scrapple.” He cleared his throat. At the far corner of the ICU, Ari heard the elevator - the direct-from-the-ED elevator - ding open, and the distant sound of alarms suffused through the early-morning bustle of the unit. 

“Think they might have two seats at the breakfast bar?”

“Maybe.” He smiled a little, and then remembered himself and glowered. “If an educated woman’ll deign to eat with me, that is.”

“Mm, I think I might be able to bring myself to slum it this morning.” She waved a hand. “Here she comes, move over, there’s a love.”

And come she did, in a wail of alarms and machines and, Ari was both relieved and exasperated to see, AJ, who had, as long as Ari had known him, struggled with the concept of ‘reserved’. “Heyo, told you so!” AJ was, as promised, bagging the patient, his arm snaked between various lines and tubes, the critically-ill human attached to them almost so covered as to be invisible. “Ari.”

Ari looked at the lines, horrified, and then to AJ. “What happened?”

“Huh? Oh. She came back from radiology like this. Didn’t have time to untangle everything.”

“Nothing’s even labeled!” He waved his hands at the mess. “You’ve got fluids and pressors and is that blood? What’s going where?”

“Ah. All in the subclavian, I’d imagine.” The redhead added, with scathing sarcasm, “Pretty sure I didn’t hook anything up to the EVD. Got a slide board?”

Tracy had, and she and Ari tucked it under the unconscious young woman as AJ and Erica rolled her to the side. “Hang on, let me check her back while she’s there.” There were abrasions, and lacerations, too many to count or list as part of a specific area, and then, between her shoulder blades, was an apple blossom. He plucked it off. “Really, you couldn’t clean that off?”

“Had bigger fish to fry. You done?” AJ raised an eyebrow at him, visible of the rims of his dark-tinted glasses, and Ari nodded. AJ and Erica let the woman down. “On three -” She was light enough, and with four of them they had her slid into the ICU bed in one smooth motion, still piled with a tangled mess of lines and tubes. 

“You really had to bring this mess up,” Ari griped, trying to decide where to start first. His eyes widened. “You left the EVD lying under her pillow!”

“It’s clamped!” AJ replied with an exasperated groan, gratefully flicking on the vent and plugging it into the ET tube.

Erica rolled her eyes. “You done here? I’ve got to get back to the department.”

“Be right behind you,” AJ said, waving the other nurse off. “I’m gonna help whiny here get organized.” He pulled the EVD from under the pillow, carefully threading the buritrol back through the other lines until the tubing lay neatly over the rest of the tangled mess. Carefully, he hung it on the straight pole, leveled it, and opened the clamp. Pink-tinged spinal fluid started to drip out. “Come on, hand me the cable, I’ll even hook it up for you.”

“How charitable,” Ari grumbled, tossing the cable behind the headboard and bouncing it off AJ’s shoulder. “Bastard.”

“Now, boys,” Tracy admonished from the foot of the bed, where she was busying herself with untangling the Foley and the SCDs*. “Let’s not argue.”

[* Are SCDs really that important in a fragile immediately post-trauma patient, you may ask. To which the answer is: only if the Joint Commission is there.]

“Oh, we’re just having a good time.” AJ was tracing the IV tubing containing the fluids down through the sheets. “Alright, so this is going to the peripheral, just untangle this -”

“You know,” Ari said, as he fiddled with the monitor and the arterial line, trying to check for level in spite of the level being, as always, conspicuously absent. “I’m sure you have patients back down in the department. You don’t have to help. I was just giving you a hard time.” He ended up seizing a length of blood pressure cuff tubing and eyeballing the line between the transducer and the phlebostatic axis.

“Well, what if I want to?” He snorted. “My only other patient down there is a kid with a head lac, and he’s on ice until the LET kicks in and we can do staples anyway. Which will be, fortunately, after shift change. He looks like a screamer.” He smirked at Ari, and passed the IV pump with all of the various central line tubing across the bed to him. “Never let it be said I’m not occasionally nice.”

“You’re not.” 

“Hey.”

At the foot of the bed, Tracy shook her head, tapping in the vital signs as she did. “Did anyone page the fellow to let them know she’s arrived?”

“Not yet,” they replied, in unison. And then exchanged a look, very briefly, before Ari looked away to busy himself with setting the monitor alarm parameters and AJ became absorbed in scribbling labels for the IV tubing. 

“I’ll do it, then.”

It was quiet for a minute while they worked, but after a time, Ari realized the white sheet atop the woman was clear, the lines were meticulously untangled and laid properly, with messily-written but legible labels. It would have done the Joint Commission proud. 

“Think she still needed cultures,” AJ muttered, grabbing the bottles off of the counter. “Where do you keep the tourniquets up here?”

“Here.” He set to checking orders, with the black-clad invader from the ED pulled the first set of cultures on the first stick. Ari frowned, impressed. “Nice one.”

“Eh, you get good at ‘em when you have to get a line in anything.”

“Seriously,” Ari said, more quietly now, noting that for the most part, all of the ED orders had been cleaned up, taken care of, and signed off before the patient had arrived, “you can go. Really, I’m grateful, but I can handle it and you don’t have to -”

“I know. But this is really selfish for me.” He tore the tip of the index finger off the fresh pair of gloves he’d donned, the better to palpate a vein in the opposite arm, where the splint would allow. “Don’t wanna eat breakfast alone.”

Ari stared at him for a minute. Blinked. “Seriously?”

“Well, yeah,” AJ replied, tone flippant. “I think it counts as alcoholism if you drink alone too much. Have to keep up the facade of being a normal, healthy, functional adult.” He winked at Ari over the rim of his glasses. “You know how it goes, choir-boy.”

“I -” he glanced into the hallway, where Tracy and Mr. S were chatting. Mr. S had clocked out - was it past 6:30 already? And Tracy had her ASCOM in hand, although by the looks of it she hadn’t yet called. If she waited much longer, the fellow wouldn’t arrive with new orders until after shift change. He could have laughed. What an angel. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. You want to get a pitcher?”

Aj laughed, although he was watching intently as the second bottle filled. “You know, I have two days off coming up - what the hell? Let’s do it.”

[kingcumsalot]

I guess it's time to get back on tumblr to channel all my emotions again. Dont feel comfortable expressing it on Instagram.

A few months ago I broke up with Marvin, I cant believe I did that but the constant lying and cheating . I just couldnt stay in that relationship anymore. But maybe he wasnt lying or cheating.. maybe my trauma from the past is still hunting me. Ever since the first time i caught him, it was never the same. I love him sooo much but i dont know how to deal with the pain anymore. Its been 4 years of ups and downs with him nevertheless I loved him more than anyone Ive loved before. This love was different it changed me and I think it made me a better person but I'm afraid that i think i gave too much love again. It might not be his intension to abuse it, maybe it was me who made him into that.

I dont know anymore, I still miss him. I dont know how to tell him that. I tried to reach out after the break up but i think he doesnt want to get back together anymore. Maybe he got tired of our endless cycle already but so do I but i still love him.

I feel bad most of the time because I've been prioritizing my family, school, work and friends more than him. I love him but i cant give him what he wants and it kills me inside more than anything. Ive always tried my best to givr what he wants and its killing me that i cant give him the time or at least sleep over another night with him. Hayyy

Miss being back here i can finally voice out the things thats crawling in my brain at night and that keeps me awake until 6am, The demons that makes me drink almost every night, the random anxiety attack that hits me after being happy.

[thirstygirlclub]

A Boy Named Box - Part Two (2)

KozikxGayMale!Reader

(this is my second time writing this. i had finished this, all done, until my internet crashed and i lost all of it. hopefully, this one will be as good as the lost part.)

(the second part of a request from an anon! where the reader is Juice’s twin brother that moved away from Queens to Charming for a new start and falls for a certain sandy haired son)  

also this part is dedicated to @marcus-demitri455 and @samcro-saint99 who were so lovely when i was so heartbroken about this, love you my angels! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

p.s legit thought that this was only going to be 3 parts max but I didn’t factor in the fact that i always get carried away and that this is all so cute that it is consuming me more than i ever thought possible? so this is going to be part 2 of 4 (for now but knowing me i’m going to turn it into a whole McFreakin’ book or some shit)

WARNING: CONTAINS CUTE STUFF

Tig was trying to rile you up, you knew he was, but that didn’t stop you giving him exactly what he wanted. You grabbed him by the front of his kutte and you couldn't give a shit about disrespecting the leather and sons of Anarchy colours when he was disrespecting you like he was. You had had enough of your sexuality being the butt of all of his jokes. You knew he was joking and he didn’t mean it, not really, but that didn’t stop it from offending you. Juan was getting sick of it too but he let you fight your own battles now you were both adults.

“Say that again,” you hissed lowly, “you bastard.”

“I said,” Tig said loudly with a laugh, “I’m not gonna let a gay kid beat me in the ring. Unless you’re scared-”

You bashed him roughly against the brick wall of the work bay while he grappled at your hands and work shirt; trying to get you to release him but his attempts proving fruitless. His eyes showed panic and pain, there was blood running from his nose and down his chin from where you had punched him to try and get him to shut up. Despite the expression on his face, he laughed as you were wrenched away from the older man. 

You struggled against Kozik’s grip. He had pulled your arms behind you, almost like a police grip, and was pulling you away. Even though he was strong, he was struggling to do so. Kozik practically threw you into the parking lot then pushed you back by the chest when you had rounded on him to get back to Tig.

“That’s enough!” Chibs commanded from where he had been watching the brawl and walking over to you, “Stop this now. You know he doesn’t mean it!”

“I don’t give a fuck if he means it or not,” you growled at the Scottish man, “I’ve had to deal with that shit all my life. I’m not dealing with it here, get it?”

“Alright, alright,” Chibs sighed with an understanding nod at you before turning to Kozik, “go deal with that dickhead. I’ll get the kid calmed down.”

“I’m not a kid!”

“Yeah? Then stop fucking acting like one!”

He grabbed you by the scruff of the neck and started walking you off but you fought him off. Chibs let go and put his hands up in surrender but followed you anyway. When you cast a glance back, Kozik grinned at you then turned back to go have a look at Tig’s face. 

“I’m takin’ bets on a fight night,” Chibs told you and took a drag of his cigarette, “first match is you against him. If you’re willing to clear the air in public.”

“If he’s not scared of losing to a fa-”

“Enough Box! Are you in? I’m sick and tired of you bein’ at each others throats all the time.”

“Yeah,” you spat, “I’m in.”

“Right. 2 weeks time, you and him in the ring then all this gets put to rest. Yeah?”

You had been sleeping peacefully, in a drunk and stoned stupor, snoring away when you were woken up by a voice in your ear.

“Box,” you heard them whisper in your ear, “time to get up.”

When you opened your eyes you saw Kozik stood over your bed, with his arms folded and that stupid grin on his face, you sat up with a gasp and pulled the blankets up over your naked body and stared up at him with wide eyes.

“What the fuck man?!” You shrieked hoarsely, “get out!”

Kozik laughed at your now bright red face but didn’t leave. When he didn’t say anything you shook your head in a ‘what the fuck’ kind of way. You knew you weren’t the most attractive person while you were sleeping, especially after a night of drinking and smoking. You hastily wiped the drool off of your cheek and tried to fix your bedhead.

“You know you snore?” He asked with a laugh.

“Yeah, thanks,” you said with a scoff.

“Get up now; we’re going training.”

“Training?”

“Yeah. I bet $64 on you winning and I’m not gonna get it back with that right hook so get up, get dressed.”

He picked some shorts and a black shirt from a pile of clothes from the pile of clean washing on the desk chair to throw them at you. He then stood looking around and the room that you were sleeping in.

“Uh, kinda naked here bro,” you said and held the blankets tighter to your bare chest, “you wanna leave?”

Kozik smirked, knowing he had already seen everything, but turned to leave anyway. Once the door was shut, you checked the time and groaned, standing up and pulling on the clothes.

“Are you joking?” You asked him as you stormed through to see him sat drinking coffee at the little dining table in the kitchen, “it’s 6-fucking-05 in the morning. What is your problem?”

“Gotta get there before the crowds. Come on. Let’s go, we’re jogging to the gym.”

He stood up and hit you on the bicep as he walked passed you and out the front door. You sighed and followed him, stretching and yawning as you went.

Evidently, you weren’t as fit as you thought you had been. You had been jogging for a total of 10 minutes and you already needed to sit down since you were puffing, panting and sweating profusely. You grabbed the back of Kozik’s shirt and braced yourself on your knees before collapsing on some nearby grass. Your running partner chuckled then same to sit by you. Luckily, it was still morning and reasonably cool out.

You had only been in Charming for about 6 weeks but you were already sick of the heat. You were so used to the chillier, grey weather in Queens and you hadn’t yet acclimatised to it like Juan had but then again, he was always a fan of warmer weather. You used to say he was like a lizard.

“Come on Box,” Kozik groaned once you had caught your breath, “we’ve been sat here for 20 minutes and I actually want to get to work today.”

“I still have to go to work after the gym?” You huffed then rolled onto your side and curled up in a ball when he nodded.

“Stop being a drama queen.”

“Who are you calling queen?” You asked venomously.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that! Fuck you’re grouchy in the morning!”

You sat up to glare at him and saw that he was already stood up and was holding his hand out you to help you up. You sighed in defeat, taking his hand and letting him help you stand and you weren’t sure but maybe he held it for a second too long when you were on your feet. And maybe there was that mischievous glint in his blue eyes but you couldn’t know for sure because as soon as you had thought you had seen it he had turned around to run on ahead of you.

Training with Kozik was simultaneously the toughest but most entertaining thing you had done in your life, kind of. You had got a chance to talk to him properly about everything you had been through and it was nice to open up to somebody that wasn’t Juan. As much as your brother loved you, you knew he was getting fed up of hearing about your ex. He would never say anything to you about it but you could just tell. That twin intuition, you know?

Kozik had listened patiently to your worries while you battered the punching bag. He eased your concerns that the guys hadn’t accepted you as yourself and still just thought of you as one half of The Juice Box, that they all thought you were running away from your past, that they didn’t accept you for your sexuality with them being a biker gang and all.

“You know the guys talk shit but honestly Box... listen to me. They love you, alright? We all do besides, we all got our thoughts on Tig. Nobody gives a fuck if you’re gay. And yeah, you’re Juice’s brother but you’re also Box. We get you’re a different guy all together. Got better hair for a start,” Kozik had told you, ruffling your sweaty hair and making you laugh; diffusing the tense atmosphere you had brought with you that one particular day, “and don’t worry about running from where you came from; we all got something we’re running towards. You know?”

You hadn’t been ashamed to wipe away a few tears when he told you that; you needed to hear that and it meant so much coming from him. But as he patted you comfortingly on the shoulder you couldn’t help wondering what it was that he was running to. 

On the plus side, you hadn’t been in better shape for a long time. You were waking up at 6am every morning without needing him to barge into your room and drag you out of bed. He had given you special instructions not to drink, smoke, do drugs for the entire 2 weeks you had been training with him and he had even put you on a special diet. This mostly consisted of you sharing his lunch, normally some kind of salad with lean meat or pasta, while you were working and him bringing you the food for your dinner. It was nice to have someone looking out for you every now and again.

You had a good little routine going too, wake up at 6 then run to the gym with Kozik at 6:30; work out and train until 8 so you were all ready to hit the showers and seeing him in just a towel afterwards was always a bonus, not that you would tell him that of course; he was already big-headed enough. 

The buzz around TM and the club house was electric on the day of the fight. Word had got out that Kozik was training you up and teaching you the way that Tig fought so he had enlisted the help of Chibs. This meant that it was no longer just a competition to see who was the better fighter but also who was the better coach too. The animosity and fighting talk was so bad between the two teams that Clay had to schedule the shifts so that neither team was mixed together. You had tried to defend yourselves and say that it was all friendly but Clay was having none of it.

You had also been promoted to “mechanic’s assistant” which essentially meant you were Kozik’s own personal go-fer boy and he was loving it; he was asking you to get any number of different things that he could easily get for himself. Every time you complained about it, he would remind you that Clay was keeping an eye on you to see if you were worth keeping on the team which would make you grumble but kick him the wrench that was about 3 inches away from his hand.

The sound of a motorcycle drew you out of your angry thoughts and you turned to see Juan climbing off of his motorcycle wearing his Sons of Anarchy kutte and sunglasses. He carried himself differently when he was wearing the vest and you kind of wanted one too but you had a feeling that regardless of how accepting they were as people, the other charters and club rules probably wouldn’t allow a gay man into the club. It didn’t stop you craving the sense of belonging that your brother had found with them though.

You were leaning casually against the front of a green dodge charger, beside Kozik as he was under the hood of the car, as you ate the rest of the blonde man’s chicken salad, when Juan came sloping over to you with his eyebrows raised and a smirk on his face. You sent your twin a quizzical look which he returned sarcastically.

“You ready for tonight little brother?” Juan asked you, “you think you’re gonna win?”

“Uh yeah,” You scoffed, stuffing another bite in your mouth, “why? You got no faith in me?”

“Nah, obviously I do. I just mean that Chibs is a good coach, that’s all.”

With that comment, Kozik raised himself from under the hood of the car and stepped in front of you, between you and Juan, with his arms folded and his chest puffed out. Juan tried his best not took look threatened but his small step backwards betrayed his smug face. You peeked over Kozik’s shoulder and smiled around another bite of salad. Your brother looked between you and Kozik with a knowing smile but said nothing, turning to head into the clubhouse.

You knew Juan knew about your teeny tiny, minuscule crush on your fighting coach. Again the twin intuition, but knew better than to call you out on it. 

“You wanna pass me that wrench?” Kozik asked you once you had clipped the lid back on his tupperware tub.

He was pointing to a black handled tool in the tool box. All he had to do was bend down and grab it but he really was loving having you as his personal servant. With a sigh, you bent down to grab it and give it to him but he stood with his hand out stretched until you had placed it in his palm but even then he didn’t close his fingers around it.

“I meant the other one, the one next to it,” he said, that mischievous glint back in his eyes.

You sighed and raised your eyebrows at him before grabbing the other wrench and swapping it for the next size down. 

“No, the other one,” he grinned.

“Are you fucking kidding?”

“Less of the attitude mister,” he hit you in the chest with the wrench you had just given him before turning back into the car, “Clay is always watching you. You wanna be my butler forever?”

“If I don’t kill you first,” you muttered but turned away when you saw Clay peering at you through the blinds in the office.

“What?”

“Nothing man, just saying how much of an honour it would be.”

“Yeah. That’s what I thought you said.”

You laughed with him and brushed your shoulder against his as you lent under the hood to watch what he was doing, sharing a look with him before he turned back to his work with a smile on his face.

(legit have no idea how to write guys, i’m sorry!!)

[thelifeofhayleymarie]

14/04/2018: Our reunion story

(Warning: Very long post sorry in advance lol)

Being reunited with my love after almost 3 months apart was one of the best feelings I think i’ve ever had. Don’t get me wrong though, it was nerve wracking and my anxiety was at an all time high. I was a complete and utter mess. L’s mum had to hold my hand the whole way to the base. But seeing Luke walk towards that gate in his camo uniform, having his eyes meet mine after so long, and watching that beaming smile appear on his face as he saw me for the first time made all my nerves slip away. And then being able to wrap my arms around him again felt like coming home. I had missed him so much, and the moment i had waited for for so long was finally here and I couldnt help but let out little sobs in the nook of his neck as I cuddled him for the first time since january. 

After the reunion, L took us to a room for a service (although he had to march the whole way there, which i found so strange to see at first haha) and there we were able to chat a bit and see the rest of the recruits and hear all about how they went over the past couple months. Walking through the base though, felt like I was in another world. It was a surreal experience but it was really interesting to see where L had been living for the past few months. From there we went out for dinner and drinks with him and his family and it was just so nice to be back in his company again. I found myself staring at him a lot when he was looking away or mid conversation with someone or something, because I just couldnt believe it was him. I couldnt believe I was finally with him again. He looked so different too it was crazy. Shaved head, 9kgs lighter, as handsome and as rugged as ever. UGH my heart skips a beat just thinking about it. Later, we had to drop him back at the base as he had a curfew. I had to go back to our hotel room and sleep alone, which kinda sucked. But it was fine, because I knew we had another day together. A day where him and I would finally get some alone time together.

The next day, we all woke up early and went to the base to see the recruits Passing Out Parade and the Graduation ceremony. We all waited outside in an undercover seated area for them to come marching out, and when they did, I spotted L immediately. He looked so handsome in his uniform. After that was done, the airmanship award was presented (which is basically an award for the best recruit in the course) and to all our surpirse, it was awarded to L. I was SO proud I had tears. I was like yeaaah thats MY boyfriend 😭😍  hahaha. After that they all got given their certificates and AGAIN, to our surprise L got given 2 more awards. I couldnt believe it. His hard work and dedication really paid off, ive never been happier for him. Totally had multiple proud girlfriend moments throughout that day. Later on, we all drove back to the hotel and finally, L and I got to enjoy some time alone to ourselves to talk and just be in each others company again, which was really nice. We didnt get a chance to talk as much as we wouldve liked though. We were planning on talking in depth about some of the issues we faced in our relationship during the months apart and how we plan to go forward doing long distance together from here, but we just ran out of time and I also didnt want to get into such a deep and serious conversation on such a happy day. It was Lukes day. It was a day of celebrating all he has achieved, i didnt think it was the right time to do it. But we still plan on sorting it all out eventually. Then later we went out for dinner and had more drinks to celebrate, although we maybe a littleeee too many drinks to be honest... L ended up a drunk mess at the end of the night and I ended up looking after him (nothing has changed hahah). So I put him to bed, cuddled into him and went to sleep. A feeling that was long waited for. I missed sleeping next to him so much. I’ve never felt safer or more comfortable than when I am in his arms drifting off to sleep. I didnt want to let go of him the whole night. I wish we could’ve stayed like that forever.

The next morning, was one we all dreaded. We had to wake up at 6am to say goodbye to L as he had to be back on base by a particular time. Stupidly, L forgot to set his alarm (probably was too drunk to do so the night before but anyway hahah) so we woke up in a mad rush and had to say a quick goodbye which sucked. It sucked having to say goodbye at all. I hate goodbyes. I hate the word all together. Because saying goodbye is never ‘good’, at least not in this circumstance. Saying goodbye to the one I love, not knowing when the next time we will see each other will be, was one of the worst feelings. Having to watch the man i love walk away from me and get into that taxi, was a type of unbearable agony. I was hugging L’s mum as he drove away, and I just cried. I cried for the rest of that day. I started missing him the moment he left and 3 days later, being back at home trying to keep busy with work and uni, I still miss him more than ever. I will always miss him. 

Until next time my love... whenever that may be ♥️

[smack-me-with-pucks]

Pucks & Altitude

Warnings: None

Words: 1486

A/N: Sorry i didn’t update this story for quite a while. I’ve been busy preparing for university admissions since I’ll be in this fall. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter :) And, i secretly hoping to do some double update or so in the future.

Chap I // Chap II // Chap III

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Chapter IV - Morning Rush

At random hour, Hannah would wake up too early than normal hour she would wake up but, that has been her thing before she even gets her aviation license. Not to mention that she had a bad dream, but her body clock doesn't really work well since she was a kid. It's like shorter sleeping hours made her felt okay. The Adidas long sleeved training top matched with jogging pants, covered Hannah's semi-cold body. All she wanted was peace and maybe tiring her body little bit for the night later. She got caught with her company's phone call yesterday, letting her know that she'll officially be on duty starting today after officially changed her home base flight and further notice will be email to her. Looks like she'll be gone for a short 3 days flight to LAX.

    6am isn't a rush hour and it's a good start for a runner like her who doesn't run very often on a free time. Well, despite her stay always accommodate with indoor gym, she preferred to have a run around the public park like now. Little did she know, another soul, also running around the park on his daily routine. In and out, her breathing circulated fast and evenly within her breathing cavity. Every step of her Under Armour training shoe hit the ground, she felt a relieve lifted from her shoulder. That's just how Hannah likes to start her day. Later on, Hannah's pace grew slower each time she winced at the sudden cold morning breeze. It's almost as the nature told her to slow down and take a deep breath.

    She walked to a nearby tree, facing the blue lake and her tracking app on the phone beeped with a notification 'Congratulations! You've recorded a new personal best of time for the running distanced you've had.' Hannah locked her phone and did a mini yoga under the shady tree, to ease her breathing.

    Hannah stayed for a while and traced the view of the lake in front of her. Suddenly she was fully awake from her semi-conscious mind with a voice entangled with excitement. "I didn't expect to see you here. You run here too?" Hannah turned to her side and met the unexpected blue set of eyes, smiling and walked towards her direction. "I could say the same thing. This is my regular running tracks and good morning, Morgan.” he giggled and sat next to her. Morgan's gaze shifted from the view in front both of them back to Hannah, "It seems like you're a morning person or you got a flight?"

    She nodded, "Yeah, both. Later in the evening and 2 days straight later." Morgan have his train of thoughts catching and wondering if it's a good thing or not. "Where will you go?"

    "Toronto to LAX this evening. I’ll have 2 days layover since it’s a long-haul flight. It's not a big deal actually." She laughed at Morgan's surprised face. "I call that a tiring job. Sorry. How do you deal with such schedule?"

    "I don't because that's how an airline pilots work." He softly sighed and Hannah and Morgan back their gaze to the view, tracing the magnificent blue lake that has been the main attraction of people to the park. Seconds turn into minutes and minutes turn into an hour - both Hannah and Morgan have stayed long enough until they heard voices of people 'interrupting' their quiet morning. "I guess we should go. It's been an hour since we sat here." Morgan shrugged and walked next to Hannah, side by side.

    "Are you up for a breakfast?"

    "Is there even a morning place around here?" She gave Morgan a questioning look. From what she knew, this place that once she called home, has never have any morning places. Like the earliest hour they would open their restaurants is by 10am not 8.30am. Morgan smirked, "I know a place and it's the best. So, breakfast?"

    "I don't mean to be rude, but I'll be fine, making my breakfast at home." Hannah politely decline his offer. It's not like, she doesn't want to but, her brain did the talking just now. "Nah, come on! Make it as a way I repay you for the amazing dinner few days ago. It’s my treat." he wriggled his eyebrows and waited for Hannah's response.

    Hannah thought for a while, since she's kinda lazy to make her own breakfast at her own apartment, it's not a bad thing to have a breakfast with Morgan. She nodded and Morgan lead the way to his black Audi Q5. "You didn't drive here?"

    "It’s just a couple blocks away from my apartment, so, I walked." Morgan drove to an outskirt, slightly away from Hannah's normal distance for breakfast hunt that she usually has. "It should be here." Morgan parked in front of a mint coloured restaurant that served as early as 7am - stated on the window. Although the restaurant is only filled with few numbers of customers, the smell of omelette, baked chicken and coffee already filled their nostrils once they stepped in. A waiter assisted them and hand them the menus.

    "What's good around here?" the menu offered various kind of orders and customers can order their own personal menu - if the ingredients are available in the kitchen. She blew her invisible bang before the waiter with the name 'Linda' replied, "We have English breakfast as our top ordered and homemade Italian sausages with coffee."

    "I'll have the Italian sausages and cheese omelette with red beans as the side dish and do you have berry smoothie?" Hannah looked at Linda while she scribbled the order. "Yes, we do. Regular or large cup? Regular is 8oz and large is double in size." Obviously, Hannah picked the regular sized cup. "What about you, Mo?"

    Hannah went slightly surprised over the name that Linda called Morgan, "I'll have the regular but no cheese and lemon tea, please." Linda took the menu and left them both at the booth, looking at each other back and forth to the view on their side. "Mo, huh?"

    Morgan rubbed his neck sheepishly and try to avoid Hannah's gaze, "It's just a name that my mom and dad used to call me when I was a kid."

    "Wait, are you telling me that this is your family restaurant?" Hannah whispered and slightly surprised and unprepared for another surprise. He shook his head, "No. I'm just close with the restaurant's owner since I always have my breakfast here since I was a teen." she nodded and apologised for the misunderstanding. More or less, Hannah did ask about Jake, about his being. Since they both shared apartment together, wouldn't it be weird if only Morgan is here alone? "Jake is more of a home boy. He preferred stayed inside."

    "Unless it's a free food." Hannah teased before Morgan burst out laughing. The waiter came to their table few minutes later with their ordered foods and drink. "Bon Appetit." she grinned and they both dug into their food. The portion of one plate is a lot and Hannah quite surprised herself that she could finished it all in one go, same as Morgan. Well, she couldn't blame Morgan since men normally has a higher metabolism than women. After all, this is better than flight food. She doesn't have to worry about flight foods anymore since domestic flights doesn't take too long of time.

    "That was good!"

    "I know right! We should have breakfast here together if you're free and no morning flights, of course." he smiled. Hannah nodded and she definitely will come here soon. Morgan later dropped Hannah at her apartment complex. She halted before stepped out of the car when Morgan called her.

    "Are you free? like when you get back home after 3 days?" he asked, with a hint of shyness in his voice. Hannah looked at him, "I think so, why?"

    "Do you by any chance wanna go out with me? Whenever you’re free …" Hannah restate his words of 'go out'. He awkwardly laughed before he replaced the word with date.

    "I'm sorry if it's too early. Just forget what I just said."

    "No. I'm just ... thinking about the date that I'll be coming home from. Yes, Morgan, I'd like to go on a date with you." She smiled leaned for a small peck on his cheek before stepped out from his black Audi.

    "I'll call you once my flight schedule is cleared."

    With then, Hannah rode the elevator upstairs to her apartment level. She smiled contently, knowing that her 'first' move texting him in the first place did something great in her life. Maybe, it's the right time to have a companion in her life, despite all the dilemmas she's having right now.

    Morgan, you've won the first level.

    Hannah, welcome to the reality and beginning of real relationship.

 ----------

[birdiethebibliophile]

{fic} Bright-Eyed and Bushy-Tailed (part 2)

Word Count:  2.5k Relationship:  Lucien/Cassian Characters:  Lucien, Cassian, Rhysand, Feyre Warnings:  Depression, PTSD, also just a lot of regular Sadness, Abuse

Here on AO3.

__________________

Cassian had made Lucien exchange cell numbers with him before Feysand got back. So far he was very nearly regretting it – despite Lucien’s obvious skill as a photographer, he kept sending Cassian blurry pictures of guys lifting weights at the gym with the caption is this u.

But finally, Cassian had a chance to use number as he’d intended.

When should I pick u up? he texted to Lucien bright and early Monday morning.

id hopd ud forgotten about that he got back five minutes later. He was surprised Lucien had responded so fast – he’d expected him to be asleep, as any sensible person should be at the god-awful hour at which Cassian awoke.

Nope, sorry. What time?

He was still waiting for Lucien’s reply when his 6am Tai Chi class started to trickle in, so he put his phone in his bag. Once he’d waved all the businesspeople too hipster to do yoga out the door nearly an hour later, he grabbed it again, expecting a text from a few minutes after his own. Cassian frowned when there was no message notification on his phone. He decided to give Lucien the benefit of the doubt. For now.

But by eleven he was done with that nonsense.

If u don’t tell me what time 2 pick u up I’m going 2 come and park outside ur house.

He grinned as his phone pinged not five minutes later:  come by at 1 tmrw. u suk.

Cassian grinned. ;) See u at 1.

At exactly one o’clock, Cassian pulled up in front of the apartment complex. I’m here, he texted.

cant be. all i see is the ugliest ass truck iv ever seen.

Cassian decided, in lieu of texting back, to lay on the horn.

Almost immediately, the door flew open, and Lucien practically fell down the stairs in his rush to get to the truck. Before he got in, he went over to the driver’s side and pounded on the roof. “Cut it out, you ass.”

Cassian released the horn and rolled down the window. “Happy to see me?”

“Shut up,” Lucien grumbled. He went around to the passenger side, wrenched open the door, and flung himself into the seat.

“So, where are we going?” Cassian asked, starting up the truck.

“Just start driving. I’ll tell you where to turn.”

“We going to a strip club, Lu? Because I gotta say, I’m all out of singles,” Cassian said, glancing over with a grin. “Also, put your seatbelt on.”

“You’re not my mom.”

“Yeah, but I’m driving, and I’m not moving until your seatbelt is on.”

“God, Cass.” But Lucien buckled himself in. “There. Happy?”

“Yep,” Cassian said cheerfully.

“Take a right at the first light.” Lucien settled back into the seat, staring out the side window.

“Gotcha.” Cassian tapped the steering wheel lightly. “So. You were up early today.”

“So were you.”

“Yeah, but I’m up early every day.” Now that Lucien was sitting next to him, Cassian could see that the other man looked paler than he had before, his golden-brown skin pasty, and there were dark circles under his eyes.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Lucien muttered.

“Well, as I said, I’m always up early, so… if you ever need someone to talk to…” Cassian ventured. “I teach a class at six, so I’m usually up at four-thirty or five.”

“Take a right on Aspen,” Lucien said. “Then get on the freeway going east. You don’t want to talk to me at five in the morning, trust me.”

Cassian turned onto the on-ramp. “Pssh. All I do from when I get up until the class is shower and drink a smoothie.”

“A smoothie.” Lucien’s voice dripped with incredulity and sarcasm.

“Hey, what do you have against smoothies?”

“Nothing. I love smoothies. I just thought you’d be the guy that eats, like, a pound of bacon a day.” He leaned over and ran a finger down Cassian’s forearm. “I wouldn’t think you get like this from smoothies.”

Cassian’s face warmed. “I usually grab breakfast at the café on 15th,” he said. “That’s where the bacon comes in.”

“Never been.” Lucien turned back to the window.

“Great hashbrowns, fresh orange juice. Coffee so strong it’ll take the roof off your mouth. You should come sometime – I know Rhys’s coffee is shit.”

Lucien snorted. “Yeah, tasted it once, never again. I think he and Feyre get Starbucks most days. Must be nice.”

Cassian glanced at him. “What do you mean?”

“To have the money to get a five-dollar latte every morning,” Lucien said, a bitter note in his voice.

“Yeah…” Cassian let out a brief breath. “I get you there.”

“You’re going to want to take Exit 285,” Lucien said. Then, unbidden, “I don’t have a fucking penny.”

Cassian didn’t respond. There was that tension to Lucien again that told him not to ask questions.

“Not a fucking one.” Lucien leaned over further and laid his cheek against the window. “Tamlin always just paid for everything… if Feyre and Rhysand decide they don’t want me living with them anymore, I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Shit, man,” Cassian said. Lucien’s voice had gone very soft again. “You can always crash at my place.”

“Thanks,” Lucien said. “I just… God. I hate him.”

“Tamlin?” Cassian asked.

Lucien didn’t respond. “Here,” he said. “Exit here…”

Cassian shifted gears as he headed in the direction Lucien indicated. He waited for Lucien to resume, but he didn’t, just continued giving directions.

 “We’re here.”

Cassian looked at the sign:  St. Joseph Medical Center. Then he looked at Lucien. The other man’s back was hunched, and he was steadfastly not looking at Cassian. Or getting out of the car.

“Lu?” Cassian asked quietly.

“I come here for therapy three times a week,” Lucien said after a moment.

“Depression?”

Lucien nodded, eyes still downcast. “And PTSD.”

Cassian nodded as well. “Want me to walk you in?”

“No, I… I’m good.”

“How long? I can stay here.”

“About half an hour. You sure?”

“Totally.” He opened the glove compartment and pulled out a paperback. “I keep trashy novels in here for exactly this kind of situation.”

“All right. If you’re sure.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure. Get your skinny ass out of the car,” Cassian said with a grin.

A smile ghosted over Lucien’s face. “Thanks,” he said. “I’ll… be back soon.” He slipped out of the truck.

Cassian watched until the clinic doors shut behind him.

 “So. How’d it go?” Cassian closed his book and tossed it into the backseat.

“Fine.”

Cassian waited, but that was all Lucien said. “You sure?”

He closed his eyes. “Yeah.”

Cassian started the truck. “Seatbelt,” he said. “I’m taking you to that café.”

Lucien buckled in without opening his eyes. “I’m not hungry.”

“Well, I am, and my next class doesn’t start for an hour,” Cassian said, pulling out of the parking lot. “Also… feel free to tell me to fuck off, but are there any triggers I should know about?”

Lucien let out a soft sigh. “Yelling. Things… breaking.”

Cassian’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Anything else?” he said. “Or… anything that helps when…” He trailed off.

“Talking softly helps,” Lucien said. “Um…” He almost seemed embarrassed. “Don’t… don’t touch my face unless I say so, but the backs of my hands are okay.”

“I’ll remember that,” Cassian said.

Neither of them said another word until Cassian pulled into the café parking lot.

He opened the truck door, then paused. “You don’t have to come in,” he said. “If you don’t want to.”

“What, and miss seeing whether this place lives up to your hype? Not a chance,” Lucien said.

“I’m buying you a cup of coffee, then. Since I insisted on dragging you here.”

Lucien hesitated for a second, discomfort written on his face, then nodded. “I’d like that, actually,” he said.

“I bet a drink would help more, but two is a little early for alcohol, so coffee will have to do,” Cassian said.

“I owe you,” Lucien said. “First you drive me across town, and now –”

“Hey.” Cassian interrupted, putting a hand on his arm. “You don’t owe me anything. Friends can do favors for each other. No debts, no bargains. Okay?”

“I thought we weren’t friends.” But Cassian could hear something fragile in Lucien’s voice under the veneer of snark.

“Too bad,” Cassian said bracingly, swinging out of the truck. “Apparently we are now.”

“God.” Lucien dropped to the ground. “You’re so…”

“Charming? Annoying? Awe-inspiring? Sexy?”

Lucien flushed. “…nice.”

Cassian felt a lurching in the pit of his stomach. The fact that Lucien felt a need to comment on that, when all Cassian was doing was driving him to an appointment and paying a dollar fifty for a cup of coffee… “That’s me,” he said. “Nice. Rhys might say nauseatingly so.”

“I don’t blame him there.” Lucien followed him into the café, looking around with a raised eyebrow. “Nice place.”

“I know you’re being sarcastic, and I don’t care,” Cassian said, sliding into a booth by the window. “Hey, Janine.”

“Hey, Cassian.” The waitress who’d headed over as soon as they walked in the door set two cups on the table and filled them with coffee. “The usual?”

“Yep. How’s the sourdough today?”

“Even if I said it was moldy, you would still order it,” Janine accused.

“Called out,” Cassian admitted. “Take it easy on the toaster this time. My friend here has a sensitive palate.”

“You got it.” The waitress winked at him, then headed back to the kitchen.

“Cream and sugar?” Cassian asked Lucien.

“I told you I wasn’t hungry,” Lucien said grumpily. “…Just sugar.”

Cassian stirred a spoonful of sugar into Lucien’s coffee and pushed it across the table. “I know. They burn my toast every time. I thought maybe that would get them not to.”

Lucien studied his surroundings. “My eyes are bleeding. I’ve never seen so much linoleum and blue-and-white check in my life. How do you stand it?”

“Are you kidding? This place is the best. All the fun of the fifties without the racism.” Cassian grinned as he dumped half the jug of cream into his coffee.

“Good thing. Neither of us would be allowed to be here in the fifties.”

Cassian lifted his eyebrows. “I bet you could get in, with all that pretty hair. And then you could sneak me in.”

Lucien looked Cassian over from head to foot, slowly enough that Cassian took a hasty gulp of his coffee. “Sneak you in. Sure. Sounds doable. It’s not like you stand out or anything, after all.”

“Okay, yeah, that probably wouldn’t work,” Cassian agreed. “So let’s just enjoy the fact that you don’t have to smuggle me in under your coat like a watch dealer.”

Lucien choked on his coffee. “A what?”

“You know, when the guy opens his coat, and he’s like, ‘hey, buddy, wanna buy a watch?’”

“Cassian?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I know I am, but what are you? Thanks, Janine,” Cassian added as the waitress slid a plate in front of him.

“You want a warmup, hon?” Janine asked Lucien, tapping her coffeepot.

“Oh – thank you,” Lucien said, letting her refill his cup.

“’Course. Any friend of Cassian’s is a friend of mine,” she said with a wink.

“We’re not friends,” Lucien said weakly as Janine walked away.

“Don’t mind her,” Cassian said, digging into his food with almost indecent enthusiasm. “She means well.”

“I don’t,” Lucien said, and he shifted slightly in his chair. “Mind her, that is.”

Cassian followed Lucien’s gaze to his plate. “You sure you don’t want any?” he asked.

“Well… I wouldn’t say no to a piece of that toast,” Lucien said, biting his lip. “And a few of the mushrooms, maybe.”

A smile blossomed on Cassian’s face in spite of himself. “Here – give me your saucer.” He took the dish and piled it high with mushrooms, balancing a piece of toast on top. “There might be some residual bacon grease – hope you don’t mind.”

“Not really. It’s just meat itself I don’t like.” Lucien pulled the plate back towards him.

“Can’t say I relate, but okay,” Cassian said, licking his fork clean. “You can have an egg, too, if you want. I have three.”

“Ugh. Fine,” Lucien said. “But I’m using my own fork after what you’ve done to that one.”

“What – this?” Cassian licked the fork again, more slowly.

Color rose sharply in Lucien’s cheeks. “Ass,” he said, stabbing one of Cassian’s eggs and transferring it to his saucer.

“I should start a swear jar,” Cassian said. “That’s at least the third time you’ve said that today alone.”

“Only if I can start a filthy innuendo jar,” Lucien snapped, spearing a mushroom with unwonted venom.

“I bet I can fill my jar before you do,” Cassian challenged.

Lucien groaned. “Not another bet. Rhys said that if I spent any more of the allowance he’s giving me on, quote, ‘idiotic bets with my idiotic brother,’ he’d cut it off.” It was clearly a joke – Cassian knew that – and yet…

“It really bothers you, doesn’t it?” Cassian said quietly. “That you have to rely on them like that.”

Lucien concentrated on cutting a mushroom into halves, then quarters, then eighths. “They’re being so generous to me. More than I deserve, that’s for sure, after the shit I let Tamlin do to Feyre. But sometimes…” Cassian sat quietly, letting him gather his thoughts. “Sometimes, it just feels like a transfer of prisons. I don’t have to worry about –” He cut off. “– about a lot of things anymore, but my life still… isn’t my own.”

Cassian nodded. “How so?” he asked quietly.

Lucien set his fork and knife down with a soft clink. “I have to rely on them for everything. I have no car, no money, no job. No… nothing.”

Cassian heard in that I am nothing, and his heart twisted.

He’d been right, the other day, about two things:  first, that it was indeed like Lucien was Feyre’s and Rhys’s child, or at least that they thought of him that way. And second…

Lucien didn’t just look like he should be stuck in a tower. He was.

“What would you need?”

“What?” Lucien looked up, and his good eye was dull, the russet-brown of the iris hooded in shadow.

“What would you need to feel like your life was your own?”

Lucien stared at him for a second, then blinked. “I… don’t know.”

“I think you do,” Cassian said quietly. Challenging him – pushing him just enough. At least, that’s what he hoped.

Lucien took a small bite of the food before him, chewing mechanically. “I guess the first thing would be to have a job,” he said at length. “An income. And… maybe a bank account of my own.”

Cassian felt hot anger roil in his stomach for the first time (though somehow he doubted it would be the last), along with the thought that he wanted to kill Tamlin. But he pushed it aside. That wasn’t important right now. “And you think that would help?”

“…Yeah. I think it might,” Lucien said softly.

“Then I’ll help you find a job,” Cassian said. Then he grinned. “In fact, I already have an idea…”

[bestillmybeefyheart]

It's been a while since I've ordered/purchased a CamelBak hydration pack, so the new choices were a bit overwhelming. I wanted something small but with pockets for phone, keys, snacks etc. And as I looked, I found that the 2016, which looks like an upgraded version of my original (sadly I lost it on a hike. Never set your pack down when you have several bags and one is full of camera gear. Your brain will think "dont leave camera!" And forget the other bag, derrrr). So, There's actually a newer model, the 2017 version, which is very similar to this one but a few differences that the reviews online all pointed out. Enough people commented on the sites I visited on the 2016 over the 2017 that I got the 2016 instead. It appears to be very similar to my old one, except the pockets are a bit different, the access to the bladder is easier now, and its a different color. My original, you had to open the top and pull the bladder out to refill or clean. I didn't mind that since I had 2-3 bladders ready to pop in for a ride. Nothing like a bladder filled with ice and water ready to go, I also like to toss some lemon slices in for flavor sometimes and the citris tends to cause issues so the bladders get replaced a lot. But, for how long they do last and what they do Id not mind. The 2016 has a side zipper on the top pocket which I liked better then the top zipper on the 2017. So did most of the reviewers. It also has an easy access popup "hood" over the main bladder opening for removal of the bladder and filling without removing it. I think this will be nice. I fill mine by holding it up to the fridge's water and ice output usually so we'll see how this goes, otherwise I can remove it to fill it no biggie. It also has a pocket at the bottom for phone, keys, snacks etc with a zipper, and behind that an open pocket for a map or rain cover etc. When I bike, I have my keys and phone which go in my bike bag on the main bar in front of me. It was originally designed to hold a phone so I could navigate or see, but the 7+ is too big so I just stuff the phone down inside w my keys, on top of my inflation nozzle and cassettes and a tool. I think being able to put my phone and keys in the backpack will be nice so they dont scratch. And I can put more tools and a tube into the front bike pack... Ive got one under the seat with a tube and patch kit, etc. You can never be too prepared. I have enough to change 2 tubes, air up 4, patch 4, plus tools to do whatever I need within reason. I've had enough "walk the flat home 10 miles" days that I am prepared. I used to carry all this in my backpack but it got heavy and hot. So we'll see how this goes. I think I'm going to the sporting goods store later when I go get groceries and see what models they have. I want to see the sizes and pockets etc. I use these hydration packs every day pretty much so having several is not a bad thing. Since I bike and ride motorcycles, having water on hand is very important in the summer especially. You get very warm in the sun and having water right there on a roadtrip is key. I also like tokeep some electrolyte tabs to dissolve in water on hand and a water bottle if i have room somewhere. I was using a collapsible water bottle that was great, just empty and flatten and it stuffs away. Then I can fill it with some water, toss in an electrolyte tab and let it dissolve. I've also brought Gatorade powder with me to mix for electrolytes too but the tabs have replaced that. Since my bike itself has NO place to put water bottles, a pack is key. The place where you normally put water bottles has a big box where the battery/controller are. I tried a "hanging" bottle holder on the bars but the bars are full of stuff and the bottle isnt enough water for me. I can drink 3 bottles during a ride. And the fountains along the way almost always get a stop and drink too. So i guess I'll see how this one goes, stop at Dicks/Target to see what they have just to see in person until mine comes, and go from there. I may end up with the 2017 or a larger one like the MULE as well, depending. My weekend bike rides tend to be 16-25 miles round trip and I want more snacks, tools, gear, etc on hand. I guess I'll find out. And this has to be better then the soft pack Im using now which makes myback sweat and is a bunch of wasted storage space since I rarely need to carry anything a full backpack needs. I think I need to nap a little now. I woke at 6am. And I'm supposed to be relaxing not paying bills and doing work etc, per the doc. Or babbling on and on about hydration. :D

[superblyjovialtheorist-blog]

Congers New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 10920

"Congers New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 10920

Congers New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 10920

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Congers New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 10920

Congers New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 10920

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How much would insurance be on a 2001 convertible mustang for a 16 year old?

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How much will insurance cost me on a motorcycle around 4-5 k? (Motorcycle year 2005+)?

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Were do i get classic insurance for 91 calibra 4x4 turbo.?

Were do i get classic insurance for 91 calibra 4x4 turbo.?

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Congers New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 10920

Congers New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 10920

Penalty for driving without car insurance?

What would happen if i were to get caught driving without insurance in california? I'm 17 years old. and a month. Just got my license a few days ago. My car is registered. And i of course have a clean driving record and half never been pulled over. The tags don't expire until august 2009

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My sister is trying to buy a used 2006 hyundai sonata and we were wondering how much a month it usually costs to insure it? She's only 21 and has had her license for four years without an accident? She tried to get a quote from gieco but they only showed the six month plan. Any helpful information about the car or insurance would be greatly appreciated!

""Car licence ,where to get a cheaper car insurance?""

Hi there, Looking for cheap insurance? Im 17 near 18 ;) yesterday I past my exam and now Ive got the licence, but insurance is so expensive for me. Ive done the compare and the result was 17 000 for a year :( Please any advice to make it cheaper? Thank you all in advance. Cheers and have a good day.""

""I'm turning 17 soon & looking for car insurance, anyone know ruffly how much it would be for a toyota celica?

I live in N.ireland

Can a non-relative be added onto ones insurance?

Example: A friend and his daughter that are living with me  He has no insurance, and wont be getting any for at least 6 months, and I am helping to support her. I would like to add her onto my insurance so she is at least covered in case of emergency.""

Is the nissan 240sx considered a sportscar when dealing with insurrance?

which would cost more for insurance, a 1997 nissan 240sx or a 2008 scion tc and is the 240sx considered a sports car?""

Help with health insurance please?

Hi there, I was wondering what are some good affordable health insurance companies that will take pre existing conditions also? What other companies are there besides blue shield and medi cal.Thank you in advance.""

Temporary car insurance only 18?

Just wondering if anyone knows where i could get 1 months car insurance but i'm only 18? Cheers

How can life insurance be profitable for insurance companies?

How can personal life insurance actually make a profit for an insurer, when it is universal that any insured person will eventually die? Is it because insurance companies stop offering life insurance cover as soon as the person reaches a certain age, so the vast majority of deaths are not insurable?""

Auto insurance on new car?

I am getting a new car under my name. Is it ok to put the car under my sisters insurance?? Its too expensive if im on the insurance.

How much would it cost for someone to drive a moped?

other than the moped and gas how much would insurance usually cost for a 17 year old going on 18 to drive a moped and what kind of license will i need to have what kind of restrictions i have a clean driving record but if it helps i am in New York State.

I need super cheap health insurance?

I need super super cheap health insurance in San Diego, California. Its for a school soccer club, so I don't care what kind... I just need outside insurance and quick... and SUPER cheap!! Any suggestions?""

Is my parent ever eligible for coverage on my insurance?

My mother is disabled. Is it possible she can be covered through my insurance?

Car insurance?????

what is the cheapest and the best for full coverage?

What do you buy first- the car or the insurance? In Oregon.?

Last year, I sold my car. Since I did not have a car, I stopped my insurance. Now, I am ready to buy a car again, via a dealership. Do I have to already have the insurance, or do I wait until I purchase the car to buy the insurance?""

Accident and auto insurance question?

If I get into a wreck that wasn't my fault without insurance and I come home and say go to safeauto.com and get insurance will I be able to claim that on the accident report? Will I be safe from losing my licence?

Car Insurance in Northern NJ?

Hello, How much do a couple pay on an average for car insurance premiums in Northern NJ? I am insured with liberty mutual and my monthly commitment is close to $140, I have a clean driving history and no claims in the past. Culd you suggest how I cut down on my premiums? Also the best car insurance company in the tri state area.""

""17 yr old in uk, looking for any tips to get cheaper car insurance.?""

looking for helpful tips to legally lower the price of my car insurance ie what company to go with, whether i should put my mum on my policy etc.""

Affordable Motorcycle for college student?

I own a car already, and I'm thinking about getting a motorcycle as an option to take. What models are usually affordable for a 18 year old college student?""

What factors affect car insurance premiums?

My mom is going to give me her old car once she gets a new one, and she said insurance is about $100/mo. My friend asked what insurance would be and I told her, and she thought that was really low The car is a 1999 saturn SL1 and it's standard, is the insurance cheap for this car? My mom has a great driving record I'm now wondering what affects car insurance premiums? I know age, gender, driving records, and other stuff.. but what else?""

Car Insurance?

I'm going to get my license next month but my parents told me I can't get a car, which I am in terms with. However, they did say I could occasionally borrow their cars when they aren't busy or at work or something like that. Would it be okay if I did this but I don't have the insurance for the cars under my name? Will they still be covered if someone hits me or something? And would this be legal?""

Can a home insurance company increase the amount of insurance on your house without your request?

Of course when the amount of insurance in increased, the insurance premium also increases. I have only $125,000 left on the mortgage and insurance company has increased the insurance to cover a value of $305,000. Real estate value of the home is $450,000. My credit rating is excellent and I have not had any insurance claims""

Where can I get an affordable liability insurance for my new small business in California?

I'm trying to open a new residential cleaning business. I already got a quote from state farm but it was way too expensive. 2500 dollars per year. I'm new in this so, I can't afford that amount because I don't even have costumers yet. Thank you!.""

""How much is PPD rating schedule for %13 lumbar spine discs and knees, If my insurance company was putting me?

on Permanent Disability and my company Laid me out because of my limitation of to work? How much the insurance company has to pay me for my injury and disability?

Did you know about a lost payee on your car insurance?

THE BANK CHARGED US A EXTRA $100 ON OUR CAR NOTE WITHOUT US KNOWING THEY SAY THEY SENT US A NOTICE BUT AT OUR OLD ADDRESS.NOW WE OWN THEM ABOUT $1200 WE READ OUR CONTRACT THEY CAN DO THIS WE HAVE TO SEND THE MONEY AND PUT THEM AS THE PAYEE ON THE INSURANCE FINE.WE DID THAT BUT THE PERSON AT THE BANK IS REAL NASTY TO MY WIFE THE EVEN THREATEN TO REPEO THE CAR IF WE DONT PAY THEY SAY WERE RE LIKE THREE MONTHS BEHIND DONE TO $100 DOLLOR FEE THEY WILL REFUND THE MONEY WHEN THEY ARE PUT ON THE INSURANCE AS THELOS-T PAYEE THEY WONT EVEN LET HER SPEAK TO A SUPERVISOR HAVE ANY BODY ELSE HAVE THIS PROBLEM.

Congers New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 10920

Congers New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 10920

What is a good health insurance for age 19 and up?

at the moment i am 18 but will be turning 19 in 10 days...and i was wondering what is a good health insurance to apply to. i have Anthem Blue Cross Healthy Families. I am looking for something similar or almost similar...if someone could please help me. thank you soo much. ps if this helps i live in california....thank you again!!

How much would insurance cost?

i was looking to get a suzuki GZ250 motorcycle. i am 18 years old, and i have taken a drivers ed course and the motorcycle driving course. i was wondering about how much insurance would be. it has 249 cc""

Are you going to purchase health insurance as required by law ?

Now that the public option is off the table ? http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091209/ap_on_bi_ge/us_health_care_overhaul Where's the guarantee that it will become affordable ?

Life Insurance help?

I need help in determing how much life insurance I need to take out should something happens to me Facts you may need to know - I have a 1 month old daughter and I want her to be taken care of if something was to happen to me - Her father and I aren't married ~ with that being said is it recommended to leave him some money to provide for her - Also if something happened to me before she is 18 insurance companies I have contact stated that the money would be set in a trust (this is good but like I said I also want to have money available sooner than 18) - Funeral expenses - I am currently am in debt about $4,000 which I am continuously paying down abd I have a car loan $ 18,000 All this being said please help me in determining how much insurance I should take out and how much to leave to her dad and please suggest what other factors I may have left out in determing how much insurance""

""What is the average price of health insurance in Queens, New York?""

I am 26 years and turning 27 soon. I would like to know the average price of health insurance in Queens, New York? I tried getting some quotes online and all the prices are coming out to over $1,000 a month. Some of them more close to $2000. I didn't know the health insurance for an individual was this high. In this Case, I don't think any one who makes low starting salary would be able to get health insurance. I used to pay a little more than $100 a month when I had student health insurance. Also, I heard from one of my cousin(who is 50 years old)...that he pays less than $500 a month...Which made me get confused when I got the quotes online. Also, it is really difficult to get quotes online since they ask for personal infos. I do not want to give any of my personal infos. Can anyone please tell me if there are any health insurance plan ranging from $100-$400 a month? Thanks~""

Where can I get private health insurance?

I need health insurance, like I know many people do. I have cancer, but I guess that's not considered a disabilty because I was turned down. My job does not pay for medical. I know several married couples where they have two different insurance policies through each of their employers, and they get to pick and choose which one to use. I don't have a spouse. I know several people who are alcoholics who have an HMO through their retirement and they are in the hospital every other month, simply because they have over drank. They run to the doctor every two months for very trivial things/ I know of several who abuse the veterans hospital from runny noses to a simple headache, plus they are paid monthly for a disabilty they don't have. They just don't want to work. I think married couples should only be able to use one insurance policy, and these others should be only allowed to go to the doctor a few times a year. If they are an alcoholic send them to AA.""

How to get insurance in california for a used car?

I bought a car in auction in california, I filled up forms for registration and paid the fee there, But the car is not insured, What should i do to get the car insured, Is it legal to drive in california without insurance ?""

""I haven't had car insurance for the last 8 years, am I going to pay high rates?""

I've lived in the city since 2002 and haven't owned a car. I'm now moving out, and will need a car once again. Does this mean I'm going to pay high rates, or it won't matter?""

What is the cheapest insurance for a 19yr old?

What is the cheapest insurance for a 19yr old?

What is the least expensive auto insurance company?

Currently have geico...

More to pay for tesco car insurance after 1year?

I have tesco car insurance and now after having 1 year tesco car insurance they wanna increase me to pay more monthly . why ? I have same car and same conditions . should i change car insurance?

Looking for cheap & crappy life insurance.?

I am looking for sources of *REALLY* cheap life insurance. I have to have life insurance for the next six years (declining each year), while I pay off a structured legal settlement. I don't care about financial stability of the company or a history of hassling the beneficiaries to collect. I don't care about guaranteed renewability, as if I'm not insurable, I don't have to buy the insurance. All I care about is price and that the policy comes with an official receipt that will satisfy their lawyers. Websites such as INSweb typically only offer 5-year term or longer, and I want cheaper than that.""

Does anyone know who is the cheapest for insurance for piaggio zip 50cc scooter?

Does anyone know who is the cheapest for insurance for piaggio zip 50cc scooter?

Car insurance curious question?

On today i went to a car show in my area and when i was out their i seen alot of nice old school. As i was looking, i went to talk to a guy. he said invested 20,000 in his 89 chevy caprice. It had the Portable tvs, brand new engine and so on.. Then i was like man what if you wreck you vehicle, the insurance not going to pay for all that, besides you can get much for a 21 yr old car. He was like since he got full coverage and he happen to get into a accident and the car is total, he said the insurance company will reimburse him half of the money back on what he spent on the car. Is this true?""

Misspelled name on car insurance card.?

I have allstate car insurance .They just misspelled it by one letter, what is supposed to be an N is an M , I've had the card for like a month and its misspelled on my old one too. Does it really matter?""

Can you get a Drivers License and not have car insurance?

I dont plan to drive, but i do intend to get my license. Is it possible to not have to get car insurance with your license? Idont own any cars as well""

Can I fight a NYS TVB no motorcycle insurance ticket?

I got five Traffic Violations Bureau tickets on my bike: Uninspected - $145 Unlicensed Motorcycle Driver - $175 Motorcycle Unreg (istered) - $175 Improper plates - ? Uninsured - ??? The tickets will cost me more than the bike is worth. :( I now have the bike insured and a license; any chance the judge would show leniency (clean license/record) and throw out one or two of the tickets? (Do I postpone and hope the officer doesn't show up?) Also, I'd like to plead on-line but the tickets still haven't shown up (getting close to the 15-day deadline). Will I have a default judgment against me if I keep on waiting? Any idea how severe no insurance on a bike is for the TVB? Sorry for all the questions, thanks in advance.""

Affordable health insurance/maternity coverage?

My husband and I are considering trying to conceive our second baby in the next few months. Only problem is went husband works construction and they don't offer insurance. We have private insurance but it only covers preventative. Have you ever been in this situation? What solutions have or did you find? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

How do the payment work if a bunch of people are being sued by a auto insurance company?

1 insurance company is suing another insurance company, and 6 people. If the 1 insurance company wins how do they split of the amount sued for? If they do at all... I need answers please""

Can my wife drive my father's car without insurance?

My dad has a general insurance policy in Toronto. It covers dad, mom and me. My wife has G licenese, but no car insurance. I was wondering if my wife could be insured on accident driving my father's car. If yes, which part should I look on the insurance policy description paper? If she gets into accident by her fault, would my father's insurance rate go up? Thanks""

""How much, on average, does it cost to add an umbrella policy to your homeowners insurance? i'm just looking

for a starting point. a general ballpark figure or range for how much this type of additional insurance costs. thanks in advance for any help.

""I been in a car accident with no car insurance, so I want to know how much should I pay the person who's suing?""

I was in a car accident with no insurance and they claim I owed over $6,000. I end up talking it down to $3,000 even. I wanted to know did I over paid or was that a fair amount. The person had whiplash and received treatment and the car was damage at the rear end.""

First car - insurance for modifications?

I have an 03 corsa, 1.2. How much extra would insurance companies charge if i ONLY put on a new front and rear bumper, and side skirts? Its a small car, small engine, it has security (immobiliser) so would it make it go up much? Thanks.""

Car Stolen with Keys - Insurance Claim Issue?

Hey guys need some help My partners car was stolen last night and we have just noticed this morning The keys to said car was in another car (within a handbag) parked beside the stolen car what has happened is the car with handbag in it was broken in to, handbags were raided, found keys to the car beside and it was then driven off with What way will insurance see this? I know if the keys for car are left within that car and its stole most insurers dont pay out but what way might this situation pan out??? any advise greatly appreciated""

Life insurance or burial insurance?

Right now I have a life insurance policy that will pay $20,000 when I die. I'm paying $50.00 a month for that and in my opinion is too much. Should I just by burial insurance instead since that is basically all my Life insurance policy cover is my burial?""

Congers New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 10920

Congers New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 10920

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/insurance-aston-martin-trinity-crawford/"

[nguyenx33]

Happy 1 week to our baby girl 💕👶🏻 we’re mommy and daddy now!! officially newly parents 👨‍👩‍👧💝 everything happened so quickly it’s CRAZY. I remember it like yesterday, where Layne and I just met. How hard we fell for each other. We were inseparable since day one. Our first date, to our second and third. Us sitting at the beach hands in hands under the clear blue skies. It was a beautiful night on O3.22.16 💕 Almost one year later, here we are blessed with a beautiful daughter. our little sweet bundle of joy 💕 I’m so in love with her. I love and adore everything about her. I remember the moment we found out we were becoming parents how overwhelmed I felt, how scared and nervous I was. It was a mix of emotions inside of me. the fear of possibly not being a great mother to my child, the fear of not knowing how to be a parent, the fear of just bringing another human to life. I feared so much. Listening to Riley’s heartbeat for the first time made me forget my fears. Her heartbeat made me realize how how precious it was having another life grow inside of me. What I feared no longer matters. For my daughter, I can overcome any fear. Her growing inside of me is the most beautiful thing ever. From the first flutters to the first kick. I love everything about being pregnant MINUS the contractions.

As we all know Riley was suppose to be due on 1O.26.17 📆 but my baby girl could not wait to see this world! 🌎 O9.O7~ waking up for my routine pee around 1am. I was bleeding. there was a blood clot. we went to kap and apparently I was having contractions but I didn’t feel them at all. cervix exam and I’m not dilated. doctor said it was normal to bleed during the third trimester and nothing to be concern about 🤷🏻‍♀️ cool, no biggie. discharged and home we went. after coming home from the ER, believe it or not. I started to feel the contractions. it was NOT braxton hicks. my contractions started from 6am slowly creeping up through out the whole day. I contracted every 3-4 minutes with 30-50 seconds long. I was in pain. people say contractions feels like cramping but 1000x worse. funny thing is I’ve never cramp in my whole life when I have my menstrual. toughing it out until Friday. I pulled through and made it to work. believe it or not I was contracting every 3-4 minutes and I knew I had to go back to the ER. took half day on O9.O8 and went straight to kapiolani again. cervix exam and I’m not dilated. I’m contracting but the nurses and doctor said it’s normal to have contractions. they monitored me for several hours and discharged me. “Drink lots of water and rest” at that point I’m already over it. Here I am in pain, contractions every 3-4 minutes, I just wish this would go away. Friday night came, as much pain I’m in. We were able to have dinner at my grandma’s house. Dinner was not enjoyable because I was still contracting. The way I’d like to describe my contractions feels like my whole lower back is tighten and crushed together where my stomach felt rock hard at every contractions. I have not slept for 2 days because of these contractions. I kid you not, it was the most painful feeling ever. Saturday came and I’m still in pain. I really have no idea how I made it through the whole morning at home by myself with contractions every 3-5 minutes. Layne was at work and here I am at home wishing these contractions would go away, but it didn’t. I started to bleed again. at that moment I started freaking out. I called Layne and he calmed me down and told me to just keep an eye on it. although the bleeding stopped. The contractions were coming off stronger and stronger. By the time Layne got home, I was drowning in tears. The pain was so intense. This didn’t feel right. We rushed to kapiolani and guess what?! I’m 1.9 cm dilated and our baby is dropped real low into my uterus, which is why I’m getting intense contractions 😥 good news is apparently our baby is 2 weeks bigger then babies at 33 weeks. She’s a chubby baby 💕 O9.O9 ~ I’m admitted to kapiolani for observation for preterm labor. I was given 2x steroid shots for Riley’s lung development if she was to come out early and was offered morphine and nifedipine to help slow down the contractions and ease the pain. a day later I’m dilated to about 2 cm. contractions were slowing down with the help of nifedipine, the pain was bearable. We had a neonatologist stop by to talk to us about the NICU and covered all the questions we had if Riley was to come out early as a premature baby. Dr. Jack was awesome. Before he left he told us, hopefully he does not see us anytime sooner then Riley’s due date. I sure hope so too!! O9.1O~ Layne’s family had a planned baby shower for us 🎈🎁 I could not make it because I’m still admitted. I was so bummed out. Layne faced timed me while he was there with everyone. I’m so bummed I could not be there. Sadness overload 🙁 here I am still contracting but the contractions were bearable just because of the medications. The plan was to stop the nifedipine the following next day and see if my contractions will come back. O9.11~still admitted, still about 2cm dilated. stopped my last dose for nifedipine at night, I felt a little better. still contracting but pain is tolerable. Doctor OK’d for me to get discharge. Advised us that it’s okay to stay dilated and gave us instructions to come back if this or that happened. Believe me, I was so happy to go home. Ive been in and out of kapiolani multiple times for these contractions and had my cervix exam so many times by so many different resident doctors 🤦🏻‍♀️😐 I felt like a prisoner there. I felt so bad for Layne having to sleep on the uncomfortable couch. My poor baby. I was ready to go home!! So excited to leave 😌 We got discharge about 10 pm. Heading home, I started to feel the contractions again 😖 it was slowly creeping up on me. From 10 pm to 12pm, I started contracting so hard, so intensely, it was every 2 minutes. My stomach starts to tense up and that’s how I knew I was contracting. I could not lay down at all. As soon as I laid down I started contracting. I tried SO SO hard to tough it out. I did not want to bother Layne at all. My love was sleeping so soundly. I could not bare to wake him up. He’s been running around and taking care of me these past few days and I already feel bad as it is. I tried breathing in and out and relaxing through out the contractions, but it was so intense I could not do it. Around 3 am I could not take it anymore, I had to wake up Layne. Since the time we got home 10 pm to 3 am I was contracting every 2 minutes. I called the Physician’s exchange line and spoke to Dr. Sugibayashi to see what I should do. I was balling and drowning in tears. she advised me to go back to kapiolani. O9.12~ 4 am, back at it again to the ER. This time its official, I’m in preterm labor. I went from 2 cm last night to 3 cm. The contractions was so intense, so painful, it was unbearable. The doctor said my cervix is thinning out so quickly that the chances of me giving birth is high. She told me the best option for me at this point is to get an epidural. I told her straight up as much pain as I’m in, I do not want to get it. She then offered me fentanyle which can help with the pain but that does not last long. It will wear off within an hour. Here I am laying on the bed in pain, quick thought. I held off on it…. I was delirious at this point. I just wanted these contractions to go away. The more I wanted it to go away, the more it came creeping up on me. I was holding on to Layne’s hand in tears, wishing the pain would go away. I gave in to taking fentanyle. I wanted the easy way out even though it’s only for one hour. Getting an epidural was my very LAST resort. within a minute of getting the medication I felt my eyes rolling back, my whole body started to feel woozy. Not even 5 minutes in my contractions started creeping up on me. I was back in INTENSE contractions. That shit did not last an hour. Here I am again laying here in agony. I could not do it anymore. Couple hours past, my mind started to shut down and I gave in. I asked for the epidural shot. I turned to Layne for support and advice. He looked at me in my eyes and said to me, “it’s okay baby, just take it if you need to.” His words did it for me. I know it was hard on him seeing me lay there in pain and there’s nothing he could do to help. While getting the epidural Layne was asked to leave the room. The nurse said a lot of dad’s ends up fainting while watching, so now they’re not allowed in the room… 🤷🏻‍♀️ Getting the epidural was fast and quick. The anesthesiologist was super cool and thorough. I felt nothing but a pinch. I kid you not- not even close to a minute I no longer felt the contractions and my whole lower half went numb. Suddenly I felt so much tension release and I was able to lay there relaxed and calm. Several hours in, Dr. Sugibayashi stopped by to check up on me and checked my cervix. Guess what?! I’m dilated to 4 cm and my water broke the moment she stuck her hands in. Dr. Sugibayashi: “Yes! We’re having a baby today!” Believe it or not, I still can’t believe everything happened so quickly. I’m giving birth one month and couple weeks early!! So much was running in my head. I just want my baby to be healthy and okay. That’s all I ask for. My nurse was superior!! I couldn’t ask for a better nurse. She said to Layne and I, “baby will most likely arrive before lunch time with the contractions you’re having” Sure enough, one of the resident doctor checked my cervix again and I’m FULLY dilated. From 4cm to fully dilated within hours. How crazy is that?! We then started doing push trials by 10 AM. They paged for Dr. Sugibayashi and by the time she got there, we got the whole team inside the room about was 10-13 people in my room awaiting for Riley’s arrival. Here walks in Dr. Jack with a smile and look on his face like" here we meet again" Funny thing was we saw him the day before and he said hopefully he wont see us anytime soon. After some push trials and 3 sets of pushes, our baby girl was slowly making an exit out of the birth canal!! All I heard was Layne saying, “push hunny! she’s right there” Dr. Sugibayashi, “she has a lot of hair!” “Take a nice deep breath, next one we want you to have a baby” I seriously was pushing with all my might. My lower half was so numb that I could not feel if I was pushing or not. On my last set of push when the nurse said, “the baby’s heart rate is a little low so we need you push a little harder” that did it for me. with one last push, our baby girl arrived at 10:23 AM O9.12.17// 5 lbs and 14 oz! 💕👶🏻 the first thing I saw was her little tiny foot. that moment was beyond beautiful 💕 I can’t believe I just gave birth. Riley was then taken by Dr. Jack immediately for evaluation and daddy followed them to the NICU where Riley will be staying for several weeks. All I can say is child birth is hell of an experience!! Aftermath, placenta comes out, I’m all drugged up, got several stitches on my vagina, I’m so GLAD it’s over and done with 😌 we did it! I seriously don’t know what I’d do without Layne. I love him so much and I’m so thankful for him in every way. I’m seriously lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life and blessed with a beautiful daughter 💕 Thinking about child birth now I seriously would do it all over again 😌❤️

[postcardstodad]

What’s In A Name

I know it’s been an inexcusable amount of time since I last wrote – hopefully by now you know, it’s never because I’m not thinking about you.  I think of you every, single day.

 There’s a lot I could tell you about right now but most of it feels so mundane.  So let’s skip to the big news which is that, last weekend I met my new nephew, Russell.  Yes, you finally got that grandson named after you.  And as I write that last sentence, I realize just how cruel and callous life can be sometimes.  It kills me (and all of us) that you aren’t here to meet this sweet, cuddly, 10-pound pumpkin.  But what kills me even more is that he’ll never have the chance to know YOU – because, man, is he missing out.

 I’ll do my best to let him know just how special his name and the man behind it really was…so in a small deviation from my normal format, today I thought I’d write to him instead.

 Dear Russell,

I’m sure you’ll hear no shortage of stories about your Big Russ, who you were named after.  As someone who takes great pride in being named after my paternal grandmother, I figured I’d let you in on just how awesome your namesake really was.

 He was the kind of person that commanded the attention of any room he walked into. He had a truly magnetic personality that people just couldn’t get enough of.  It wasn’t unusual to feel like I was with the unofficial “Mayor” of Hilton Head whenever I’d go visit.  Everyone loved it when Russ was in the mix – it just meant you were in for a good time and plenty of laughs.

He was a true gentleman. Despite having a big, entertaining personality, he also had a total soft side.  He wrote love notes to his wife even after 30 years of marriage.  He took both of his daughters on regular “dates” when they were growing up. He sent flowers and cards to all “his girls” on Valentines Day. He pulled out chairs at the dinner table.  He was the master of compliments.  He said I love you every, single day.

He was absolutely hilarious (and by “hilarious,” I mean crazy).  But crazy in the best possible way.  He was always the first to come up with a wild scheme and it almost always felt right to just follow him.  Hitting golf balls into the neighbor’s backyard party.  Sure, why not?  Staying up until 3am drinking when you have a 6am flight?  Yep, sign me up.  He just made life more fun.

 He was ridiculously cool. Despite the couple of years in junior high when I was mortified by his choice in denim and insistence on wearing a cowboy hat (in Northern VA), I was always beyond proud to call him my Dad. When he would come to eat lunch with me in grade school, I would beam from ear-to-ear.  When he’d show up to swim meets, I always felt so lucky that the tall, handsome guy cheering louder than everyone else in the stands was my Dad. When he’d come to visit me in Chicago, he’d be the life of any party or place I took him to.

He had an enormous heart of gold.  When it comes to friends, they really don’t come better than him.  Which is probably why over 200 people showed up to his celebration of life.

 He was a total badass and as tough as they come.  He ran marathons, played football, could hit jaw-dropping drives on the golf course….but all of that paled in comparison to the 2.5 years he courageously battled AML. He worked out through chemo, radiation and a bone marrow transplant, even asking (or, more accurately, telling) his nurses to unhook him from his IV so he could go down and workout in the hospital gym.  I’ll probably never witness a feat of strength quite like that ever again.  

To me, the name Russell is full of strength, optimism and awesomeness.  Big Russ left pretty sizable shoes to fill but, after meeting you last weekend, I have no doubt you’re up to the task.

 I love you both to the moon and back,

Elizabeth