#(random woman accidentally bought too many and gave one to the first person she saw which was me)

[someone-else-entirely]

Back from concert!! It was awesome!!!

I sat next to a guy named Phil who gave me a Rob Zombie poster he'd bought but didn't end up wanting (said his wife wouldn't appreciate him hanging it in the house)

It was nice of him, but it's added one more to the weird trend I've noticed throughout my life of People Just Giving Me Stuff

[letsgsantana]

tagged: sam evans &. santana lopez

when: nov. 15th - 16th.

notes: discord text.

tana: the thigh hickey you gave me has almost disappeared. 

tana: which means you need to re-up on moi. 

tana: and I’m craving churros. Hot, from Ted’s by the cafeteria. 

tana: and possibly you.

sam: churros and hickeys. what a combo 

sam: anything else you want me to fetch you before i come and fuck you into the mattress?

tana: is your neck free for business, or is two o’clocks still ripe on there? 

tana: wow, did you get that from some 80’s porn?

[a beat] 

tana: and to return the favor I might have bought some coca-cola lip smacker for you to kiss off.

sam: you did a pretty good job the last time because it's still there for everyone to see 

sam: it's annoying that no one believes that i burned myself on a curling iron sam: no, more like early 2000s amateur stuff 

sam: oh, you're spoiling me here, santana

tana: I’ve always had a soft spot for ‘I was here’ tokens.

tana: that hair screams blow dry. That mark screams some A-list lips. 

tana: awe, so the the golden age of porn, iyo? 

tana: you’ve possibly earned a treat or two.

sam: you know, you're not as dominant in bed as you are on text 

sam: i quite like this versatile santana that i'm getting 

sam: thank you! that's what i keep saying! sam: care to give a hint of what those treats are?

tana: I'm lonely, so I sub out for a brat. [erased] 

tana: you've caught me off-guard. And it's been a minute since I've had a hot minute.

tana: and you might be above average. 

tana: and I haven't even showed you the beginning of what ten plus years of cheering has done for my versatility.

tana: either the baking kind, the me kind, and possibly an impression request kind. 

[a moment later] 

tana: or all of the above.

sam: i'm not at all complaining, i quite like taking charge. especially if it makes you beg 

sam: oh, you need to show me soon, because i want to see this 

sam: i can give you all three of those 

sam: what impression would you like to see? i personally think a sean connery one would go down well with you

tana: a mess in life, and in-control in the bedroom? respect. 

tana: i have a thing for dorks with big hands that feel good around my throat. tana: well, well, someone's working for that number one spot. 

tana: are you trying to turn me on wit a sean connery impression? 

[after a moment] 

tana: explain.

sam: i gotta get something right, and with these lips, it was bound to be that sam: good, i wasn't sure if the choking was too much, but i'm glad to know that we were on the same page with that 

sam: can't deny that i want to be your number one 

sam: he's james bond, duh?

tana: you're in college, so at least you can add that to your list of accomplishments.

tana: if you saw my incognito google pop up, you'd blush, Sammy. It was just barely enough. 

tana: moved on to porn with a touch of romcon? a hoe with a heart. my hero. tana: if this means I get to dress up as a bond girl and you never speak of this to anyone. I may be seriously entertaining this.

sam: i'm sure that the american museum of natural history will be impressed with the fact that i can make you cum three times with my mouth and another two times with my dick 

sam: no? i think it might be time for us to welcome a safe word into this, because i don't want to hurt you 

sam: some people would call it a gentleman in the street, a freak in the sheets, but a hoe with a heart does the job 

sam: oh my god, yes please! 

sam: also, i'm pretty sure just the sight of you being a bond girl would make me cum, so there's that

tana: well duh. It’s few and far between a woman gets that kind of pleasure from a man. Gotta mark it down when it does. 

tana: jinxy. What do you think? 

tana: i don’t think your hoe energy ever strays too far, so it’s best stick to factual nicknames. 

tana: well, I do like cum. Especially yours.

sam: do i make the top ten list of best ginsburg lovers then? 

sam: jinxy? i can work with jinxy 

sam: then you haven't seen my gentlemanly ways - we can always change that if you want 

sam: oh? what makes mine so special?

tana: no.

tana: and that's because I don't have a lovers list. But some of the best sex I've had here? Consider yourself lucky, because yes. 

tana: also lovers list? what wattpad fanfic are you neck deep in, dork. 

tana: I mean sure, but he better be just as hot and charmin-[erased] 

tana: I wouldn't mind, as long as he's as hot as hoe sam.

tana: there's a lot and you look hot. and you've usually got my hair in your fist while you're cumming on my face.

sam: i'm flattered. /and/ it is definitely reciprocated. a lot 

sam: "forbidden" - it's about harry styles and louis tomlinson. it's not very good though 

sam: yeah, i think you're gonna see more of gentleman sam than hoe sam from now on

tana: I know. 

tana: sounds terrible. 

tana: why’s that?

sam: do you know tina cohen-chang?

tana: ya.

sam: yeah, i like her and i kinda fucked it up

tana: oh god. 

tana: have you been sleeping with me while you’ve been with her? 

tana: is that your girlfriend?

sam: she's not my girlfriend 

sam: i'm sorry. you're not the only that i've been seeing. there's kinda been a lot of people 

sam: i'm really sorry

tana: oh. 

tana: well, if you’re single. Who cares. 

tana: if I wanted to sleep with anyone else, I would have already. No apologies about it.

sam: it's more than that, you know? like, we've been going on dates. 

sam: i just didn't realize that we were actually..."dating" 

sam: you just deserve to know that

tana: you probably didn’t realize you were dating because you weren’t... 

tana: why are so mopey, babe? 

tana: you fucked around, and I guess accidentally got into a relationship.... tana: how long have even known tina? 

tana: I’m just saying, people who jump into relationships in college usual need therapy, not a partner.

sam: we've known each other for like almost two months, which is ridiculous because i didn't want this to happen so fast, but like, guess my feelings just caught up with me one night 

sam: oh, girl, if i could afford therapy i would've done it a long time ago. i've got some huge baggage

tana: you could save the date money to go to a therapy fund. 

[.....] 

tana: sam, you seem caught up in....something.

sam: that's probably the best advice anyone's given me lately 

sam: no, i'm not caught up anymore, i got the zipper out of my nut

tana: looking back my reaction to your relationship might have not been the best. My bad. I should have just thrown 

in response and be done with it, but. Like.... 

tana: you’re sleeping with everyone then suddenly in a relationship because you went on some dates and found out that meant you were dating someone... tana: sounds like deflecting and micro-managing in an unhealthy way. 

tana: we were just talking about you giving me a facial. I’m just saying. That’s one hell of a turn around.

sam: it was never explicitly a relationship. we never said anything. and she'd hinted a couple of times at knowing about me seeing more people than just her sam: i told her that i was falling in love with her - it was incredibly random when i said it, i just blurted it out without even thinking about it, or ever having thought about it actually. 

sam: and then she lost her virginity to me 

sam: i don't know what's going on, i just know that i miss her

tana: you need to put down the watt pad fanfiction ‘cos it’s tripping your brain into thinking you’re in love with someone. missing someone doesn’t mean you should be in a relationship with them, it means you miss them. 

tana: I’m just saying. Figure this out inline at the medi-whatever line for some healthcare, and fast track to a therapist office for an appointment. If you need company I’ll offer mine, and critics on your impressions. I’ll even bring the churros this time. 

tana: but partying, sleeping around, then poking your head up from the land down under because you’ve randomly had the thought to love someone out of your line-up? Babe, just no. 

tana: but most of all, breathe.

sam: It's not like that. Missing her means more to me than just that 

sam: I don't know for sure if I'm falling in love with her - I think I am. Because I know I've never felt this way before about anyone. And it's confusing as hell, but she does make me feel a way that no one else has done before 

sam: But I agree - it's gone way too fast. And no one seems to get that 

[...] 

sam: I don't particularly want to talk about this anymore though. I just want to know if you and I are still...okay? It might just be me, but it sounds like you wouldn't mind hanging out with me, even if I'm not fucking you

tana: how many times before have you said you liked a girl? And that it was more than any other of the girls before them? 

tana: were you just dating her because she’s the only one who said yes, or because you only wanted to date her. 

[.....] 

tana: just think on it. And again, breathe. And stop randomly telling people you’re in love with them, amateur hour. 

tana: I’m not sure yet. It might be hard for me to see you and not get wet. But maybe if you impress over text I’ll let you take me to get a beer so I can platonically roast you.

sam: This is the first time 

sam: No, to start off, it was just a casual thing between us. She was obviously a virgin, but there were some pretty heavy make-out sessions going on. We made a deal, to get to know each other better - for her safety of not just losing her virginity to some random guy. And so we ended up just going on a lot of dates. I genuinely wanted to get to know her better 

sam: I'm breathing. Thank you 

sam: Just call me beef, because I'm yours to roast all day and all night, Santana

tana: sure jan. 

tana: so you guys have rush delivered every step of the way. please don't get divorced before 25. 

tana: you want to get to know everyone better. [erased] 

tana: definitely not hanging out with you now that your 'beef' is off the table. 

sam: She's not talking to me right now, so I don't think we gotta worry about that 

sam: Listen, I was never that nasty. It was only on the kitchen counter those two times, and that was because you were wearing that red lacy thong and nothing else, and I've got a weak spot for that

tana: good. 

tana: Well excuse me for picking up on how much you liked me spread. I thought the all access, all the time, with the crotchless red thongs would be appreciated.

tana: although, you still owe me a pair. You can gift those when you're single in a couple of weeks. 

tana: if I don't like them, you can take them back. if I do, you can tell me if the guy I've replaced you with will. I'll even spread them for you.

sam: As much as I enjoy this conversation, I think it's time to shut it down 

sam: Please do let me know if my replacement is any better than me though. I want to know if anyone can overtake these lips

tana: true, tell sean connery I said down boy. 

tana: of course I will.

tana: what are you doing?

sam: Sean Connery? My dick? 

sam: I just got back home, after practically following Tina around all day. Well, walking her to all of her classes and trying to get her to talk to me, but with my testicle still aching, I was more limping than anything else 

sam: Probably just gonna put "Bob's Burgers" on and try and fall asleep to that. Maybe open a bottle of Jack. 

sam: You?

tana: you do know that's creepy, not romantic. 

tana: an entire bottle? stick to a cup. it's been a long day for you. 

tana: I might go to an open mic night. People love vintage shit there and I need to peddle my shop some more.

sam: She went out last night, I got her a coffee this morning to hopefully make it better - I had a purpose, don't worry. It's not like I was stalking her 

sam: Hmmmmmm, a bottle sounds more appetizing though 

sam: Oh yeah? If you want to swing by afterwards, you're welcome to. We can just watch a movie or something

tana: this is so lame [erased] 

tana: so not as creepy. good. 

 tana: sounds like alcohol poisoning. 

tana: I don't know if you've proved movie only worthy. We'll see, evans.

sam: Not like full-on creepy. I try to only keep it semi-creepy 

sam: Sounds like a good time 

sam: Well, I guess I can also offer you a cup of Jack, if you want, so it's not just a movie that you came around for

tana: which is why you just need to be full-on single. 

tana: also, question. why are you following her around like you have something to make up for? 

tana: glutton for punishment? 

 tana: I haven't drank in a week. I'm a little scarred from post-halloween.

sam: I don't want to be 

sam: Well, first of all, I hurt her. And now she's not really replying to my texts, in the sense that she's not.../talking/ to me or hearing me out. So, I figured it'd be easier if it was face to face. But it's not like she stopped to talk or anything 

sam: Something like that 

sam: Scarred? What are you scarred from?

tana: that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be. 

 tana: I know you hurt her, but again, why are you following her around like you need to make-up for something? 

tana: you were single and hooked up with people. 

tana: if she’s upset about that, that sucks, but that still doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. 

tana: pick something other than alcohol. 

tana: I was hungover all weekend. It sucked. I’m too weak for all that.

sam: I played her and made her feel like there was more between us, that's why sam: I did everything wrong, Santana 

sam: Weed? 

sam: You gotta end it where it started - with more alcohol. A cold beer the next morning is the only way to get through a bad hangover

tana: did you tell her you weren’t seeing anyone else? Or did she assume and set herself up for disappointment? 

tana: I’m not saying you don’t suck, but it’s NOT all on you. 

tana: I don’t like that she’s putting this all on you- [erased] 

tana: I want to puke at the thought. 

tana: which is why I’m detoxing with pot.

sam: I didn't say anything about seeing other people, but I also didn't say that I was only seeing her. She kept hinting at maybe knowing that she wasn't the only one, constantly reassuring me that I was the only one that she was seeing - despite going to the halloween party with Brody 

sam: What makes you say that? What have I not done wrong? 

sam: I can do weed. I mean, I'd probably still keep the bottle of Jack around, but I wouldn't drink all of it, y'know?

tana: sounds manipulative. 

tana: hold on. 

 [**santana taps his icon and presses the call button. She brushes her hair behind her ear and traps her phone between her ear and shoulder as she pours some oatmeal in a bowl. When he picks up, she doesn’t spare him time for a hello-] 

tana: you’re single, you fucked around. There’s nothing wrong that. Someone else’s assumptions and wants aren’t your problem. She was reassuring you because she wanted reassurance, which meant she knew you were fucking around. 

tana: guilting you about it is wack, Sam. But next time don’t be so fast and loose with your dick. 

 [a beat] 

 tana: and next time don’t let someone convince you, you’re in the wrong for having a sexual appetite beyond them while you’re single. You didn’t play her, she played herself. 

tana: oh, and hi. My fingers were hurting.

[Sam wasn't sure exactly what was happening. He was mid-reply, about to send Santana a confused text to what she was doing, when his screen changed and he saw that she was calling him instead. Sighing, he braced himself for what was about to come, clicked on the green phone to accept the call and opened his mouth to say hi, but was quickly cut off by Santana's rant. He wasn't quite sure what to say after everything that she'd told him, and was just silent for a bit] 

sam: Hi 

[He finally said, and sighed] 

sam: I'm not entirely sure what you want me to say here. Several people are telling me that what I did was wrong- hell, I feel like what I did was wrong anyway. I know we never made it exclusive, but I did tell her something that sure as hell sounded like that was what we were

tana: what did you say, and when?

[Sam let out a deep sigh. This was probably the 20th time he explained it to someone] 

sam: A couple of nights ago we went up on the rooftop of my apartment building to look at the stars, and she told me to tell her a secret. I'm not good with secrets, I either tell people everything, or I don't tell them at all. But, she was also kissing my neck and it was a lot, you know? 

[Sam paused for a bit, bringing his hand up to rub his tired eyes] 

sam: So I just blurted out that I was falling for her. I mean, if I was in her position, I would assume that it meant that the person was cutting off everyone else. Like, it's pretty serious, you know?

tana: babe. If tina didn’t know that a love confession from you didn’t mean you guys weren’t together, one, she doesn’t know you at all, whether she has a rolodex card of secrets on you or not. Two, that’s not how dating work. Case in point- you. And honestly, a lot of guys. 

 tana: so, again. You BOTH have your own parts in this train wreck. You randomly blurting out you love people for no reason, and her trying to manipulate her way to a relationship instead of being blunt and saying, ‘I want to be with you.’

sam: I don't know what to tell you, Tana

tana: why do you think you need to tell me something...? I’m comforting you, not the other way around.

[There was a silence as Sam took in what the girl had said, thinking it through.] sam: You're comforting me?

tana: rude! [she practically yelled] 

tana: but um, ya.I’m trying.

[Sam removes the phone from his ear, holding it away from him for a second, as he hears Santana yell at him. Then he puts it back to talk to her] 

sam: No, it wasn't meant like that! I just meant more that...I've had to explain myself over and over again with people, and I guess I was just expecting the same with you

[sam couldn’t see it, but she frowned. It didn’t feel right. The blame being put on him, and the exhaustion in his voice.] 

 tana: stop explaining yourself. You’re not the only wrong in this situation. Are you right? Not particularly. But you’re not wrong for having a sex life while single. You are wrong for not communicating more, and dropping L bombs out of the blue. Just like she’s wrong for playing games, instead of just saying how she felt, just so she could have you chasing her around campus for no good reason. 

tana: I’ll be over in an hour. One cup of Jack. That’s your limit.

sam: Tell it to the people who think it's alright to be all up my business about this, please. 

 [Thinking about it for a moment, Sam sighed] 

sam: Actually don't, I think it's best if I just deal with them myself. 

 sam: Three cups. I can have three cups of it. I bought it myself, it's mine

tana: who is all up in your business? 

 [her eyebrows crinkled together, annoyed for him.] 

 tana: don't worry. I have to leave my important to really warm-up for a good run through someone's soul. 

 tana: sam, you're trying to not touch on me. one cup, we don't want to blame it on the a-a-a-lcohol, moment. 

 [she snickered, cracking open an egg as her griddle started to warm up.]

sam: It doesn't matter, just forget that I said anything. 

 sam: Yes, but I'm also in a lot of pain with my testicle and alcohol numbs the pain. See, logic?

tana: okay.... 

[she sighed, debating on pressing the issue and on the whim she went with:] tana: if you need a place to vent, I'm here. No offense, but I'm cruising on side-eye with most people, and going full snixx for anyone is going to take a lot of encouragement. 

tana: so you're going to have a lot of focus on your crotch, drink a lot of alcohol, and not try to flirt with me. [there's a pause] 

tana: Shaky logic.

sam: Thanks, Tana, I might take you up on it sometime. It means a lot to me as well, you know? For now though, I'm done, I think I've talked about this enough. I kinda want to just move on to the next part of this entire shabang [Sam pauses, hearing what she's just said and swallows hard. She had a point that he hadn't thought of.] 

sam: I mean, it's not like I can do anything anyway with my dick, because of how sore it is, but if you prefer, you're welcome to come over tomorrow instead?

tana: hopefully single, but knowing you... 

tana: I was serious about taking the steps to get public healthcare or w/e the poor term is. 

 [santana snickers, her voice drops a little and get's breathy] 

tana: sammy, you know how much I enjoyed sucking your dick, and you know how good I was at it. let's not tempt one another.... [she sighed[ 

tana: i'll text you later and let you know if I'm coming by.

sam: Well, I am most definitely single right now, and with no game-plan whatsoever, so there's that. Also, yeah, I know. I'll look into it. It's not just this whole thing that requires therapy. I've got a lot of baggage that needs to be dealt with [Biting his lip, Sam can feel himself growing horny and groans] 

sam: You're tempting me right now, this isn't fair. It's not like I'm teasing you with anything. 

sam: But yeah, sure, let me know so I can put some sweatpants on before you get here

tana: good. Single is good. 

tana: and making decisions based off what YOU want, with discretion on how it’ll effect others is even better - or at least that’s what I’m told. tana: down boy, [she sang in a sing-song voice] neither I or my cleavage is there yet. Keep the pants off. See you in a couple hours. [She smiled, then hung up.]

[freyjaiam]

Part of ‘Frey’s 12 Days of Ficmas’

03: Peraltiago: The Battle of Turkeys

Holidays were always chaotic for Amy. She just wanted them to be perfect. She always made a plan and did her best to stick with it so that there was no discord. If one thing went wrong it rocked her. She did her best to keep it cool, her friends and husband always there to try and ease her nerves in a way her parents never could when she was younger. However, being married to Jake was a new pressure she hadn’t dealt with before. Her husband didn’t have many fond memories of any holiday. She wanted to change that. Which was why she was up at four in the morning opening her binder to start the day. She had many pieces of the puzzle already in play.

Gifts?

Wrapped and under the tree her and Jake decorated on December first. Half of Jake’s were decoys because she knew he was impatient and did his best to guess what she’d gotten him by shaking and “accidentally” opening gifts. Socks, underwear, and other random things were under that tree. His real gifts were safely stashed with Rosa, who would be bringing them at dinner. Save for the one gift she still had to pick up before the dinner started.

The table?

Already set. She’d been up until midnight making sure it was perfect. She’d researched many websites, magazines, and even watched some daytime television to get these ideas. Her colors were traditional. The plates each had a little sheer giftbag coordinated with the person assigned to that seat. Gina had promised her that she’d get the flowers for her centerpiece, but since Amy knew Gina liked to sabotage her due to thinking it was funny she also bought extra flowers which she had in the fridge to keep them as fresh as possible.

Alcohol?

Alcohol is a must for parties. Especially with the precinct. Jake’s parents were also coming. Not Amy’s. They decided to visit her brother this year. Her and Jake had bought some and everyone else attending said they would bring something as well. Needless to say it wasn’t going to be a dry party.

Food?

Amy had a slight fight with Charles about the food. She knew she wasn’t a great cook. Despite her promise to always follow the recipe, and despite Charles having gone to the store with her to make sure she had all the ingredients for everything she said she wanted to make, he still insisted on coming to help cook. All Amy could think about was the food truck fiasco where both her and Gina quit because they weren’t cutting the bread right. She didn’t want a hospital visit this holiday, and she knew if Charles was in the kitchen with her she’d probably stab him in the face with her best kitchen knife. So they eventually agreed to split the side dishes in half. She would be in charge of the potatoes, gravy, and green bean casserole. They argued over the turkey. He finally relented but she knew that sneaky sonuvabitch  was making his own turkey to bring here. She just knew it. The little attention whore was probably hoping she’d fail so that he could take the credit for—

“Okay, Amy, focus,” she said outloud with a shake of her head. “You got this. Just…” She checked her watch. “Just under ten hours until people start to show up.”

She went to the fridge to pull out the turkey that she’d taken out of the freezer and—

“Oh… Oh no…” She set it on the counter and it thunked. “WHY ARE YOU STILL FROZEN?!”

.

.

.

��JAKE!” Jake bolted up from bed. His heart was racing and his hand went over it as he looked at his wife. He instantly knew something was wrong due to the wild look on her face. Well that and the giant nicotine patch he saw on her forehead. He hadn’t seen that since their wedding. “We have an emergency!”

“You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“We have more important things to worry about than your heart, Jake!”

“Ouch. Okay. Hurtful. But okay.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just really freaking out, because I already messed up this morning. Jake, the turkey is frozen. Frozen! There is no way I’m going to get it thawed out, in the oven, and ready in time for dinner.”

“Can’t we just, I don’t know, put it in the oven to thaw out?”

“No Jake, that is how you get raw turkey in the middle and dry and burnt turkey on the outside. I’m a disaster in the kitchen but even I know that! I need your help!”

“Okay,” he crawled out of bed and walked to her. He put his hands on her shoulders. “Breathe Amy. We got this. We’re a team, now, remember?”

“Yeah.” She took a calming breath. “Jake, what are we going to do?”

“I’ll put on some pants and find us a turkey. Shouldn’t be too hard since its still early. Right? I mean, corporate America cares more about making the extra dollar now than taking a holiday off for their employees so… I’m sure I’ll find something.”

“Thanks. I’ll start the other stuff but… Please hurry.”

Jake slipped on a shirt, shrugged on his jacket, and found his wallet and keys. On his way out the door he didn’t ask once about the turkey wedged in the microwave that was destroyed due to the door being on the kitchen floor. He just hoped to God he found a turkey before it was more than just the microwave receiving a beating from Amy today.

.

.

.

“Jake? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, nooooooooooooo—-Hey Charles!” Jake spun around to see his best friend. “Just picking up a few things we forgot.”

“Really? But I went shopping with Amy the other day. She should have everything.” Jake hated the almost gleeful look that came upon his best friend’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” insisted Jake.

“Then why are you here?”

“I told you-”

“No, nope, not buying it,” said Charles, hands on his hips. He was practically bouncing on the heels of his shoes. “Something is up. I can smell it.”

“Well… Get your nose checked. Because we’re fine!” Jake then decided to flip the tables. “Why are you here?”

“Amy said I could make a dessert so I’m making pecan pie. All the extra hours we got this week I couldn’t make the trip until now…”

Jake’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you went shopping with Amy this week?”

“I did.”

And there it was. The small hiccup. The slight catch of breath, the way Charles slightly adjusted his brown tie, something was up with him. Jake didn’t know what it was, but he was the best damn detective in the city, so he was going to sniff it out.

“Oh? Then why are you here? If you went shopping with Amy then you should have everything you need as well. So, Boyle, why are you really here?”

They stood, face to face, waiting for the other to break. They stood like that for a good minute before Charles cleared his throat and backed off. They silently regarded one another and then separated. Jake sighed a sigh of relief when Charles exited into the pasta aisle. He then made his move. He went down the cookie aisle, knowing Charles would be following him. He knew his friend, and he knew he’d be watching. He took a sharp left down the the dairy aisle, apologizing to the woman whose cart he ran into when he was too busy looking to see where Charles was. Little did Jake know, Charles was doing the same thing, and they both froze in slight surprise when they met again near the turkeys.

“Aha! I knew it! Something is wrong! She messed up the turkey already, hasn’t she?!”

“What? No! I’m just…”

“Oh save it, Jake. I know you’re covering for her.”

“Okay, then why are you here?” Jake raised an accusatory finger at Charles. “You’re here for turkey, too. Aren’t you? You promised me you wouldn’t interfere with Amy’s turkey!”

“My toes were crossed, Jake, no promise was made!”

“Dammit. I forgot about your freakishly long toes,” muttered Jake. “Rookie mistake. Next time I make a promise with you the shoes come off, Buddy!”

“Admit defeat, Jake. I’m going to make the best turkey, and you can’t stop me,” said Charles, showing his ugly side, but Jake could get ugly, too. “I knew she couldn’t do it. I was going to just let the chips fall where they may but decided that swooping in with the better turkey would be better.”

“You know what?” Jake grabbed a turkey. It was perfect. And not frozen at all. “There will be no swooping today! Amy and I are going to make the best turkey. Better than any dry piece of meat you’ll have to offer!”

Charles gasped, then snagged his own turkey. “All have you know my turkey is moist and delicious and it will beat the pants off of your turkey! So bring it, Bitch!”

Challenge accepted.

Merry freaking Christmas.

.

.

.

“Amy! Amy we need to…” It was quiet. Too quiet. Jake locked the door and timidly made his way to the kitchen, hoping she was ok. Amy wasn’t there. There was a pile of potatoes, half peeled and half not. There was also a bag of green beans on the counter. He set the turkey in the sink because he remembered something about a turkey needing to be in the sink from his mother. It was now eight in the morning. They had six hours. They needed to get this bird in the oven. “Ames? Where are you?”

It was then he realized she wasn’t there. He pulled out his phone and texted her that he was home with the turkey. He saw her start to reply, but no message was sent. Did she not trust him to do it? Had she thought he’d fail at getting them a turkey? The thought hurt a little, but he couldn’t let it get to him. Not yet.

Because he had to beat Charles.

How hard could it be to make a turkey?

He removed the plastic and only puked one when pulling out all the guts from the ass of the turkey. Thankfully he made it to the trash can. He threw the guts over his vomit and then took out the trash to remove the evidence of him yaking in the bin. Twenty minutes later he heard the jangling of keys in the door right after he finished cramming stuffing back up the ass he’d just pulled guts out of.  He was washing his hands and talking as he heard someone approaching him from behind.

“Amy, not cool, where have you-” He turned around and the woman in front of him wasn’t Amy. She had long, brunette hair, blue eyes, and was smiling nervously while wringing her hands before placing them in the back pockets of her jeans. “You aren’t Amy.”

“Jake…” Amy stepped into the kitchen. She had an easygoing smile as she approached him. She took his hand then tugged him forward a little closer to the mystery woman. “Jake this is Victoria. Your half-sister.”

“My…” He looked her over once more. She had Dad’s nose. “Oh.”

“Um… Surprise?” said Victoria before letting out a nervous laugh.

“Um, yeah… Hi!” Jake eagerly opened his arms for a hug and she gave him one. She was tense at first but relaxed slightly before he pulled away. “Victoria, huh?”

“Vicki, please, only my mother calls me Victoria and usually that’s when I did something pretty bad,” she said with a laugh.

“Right. Right. So, where are you from?”

“Minneapolis, Minnesota originally but currently living in Fargo, North Dakota.”

“Oh, you don’t sound like—”

“Yeah, trust me, not everyone from there talks like the people from the movie,” she said with a laugh. “Everyone from that town hates that damn movie.”

“Right,” said Jake, chancing a look to Amy, who loved that movie. She seemed unphased about it though. “Fargo sucks. I mean, if you want a good movie, then the one to watch is Die Hard, right?”

“Let me show you where to put your stuff while Jake processes,” said Amy, gesturing toward the hall that lead to the spare bedroom, shaking her head at Jake’s poor attempt to see if his sister liked the movie he loved. When she returned she wrapped her arms around Jake. “Hey… Doing okay?”

“How… When…”

“I kinda went over your notes, and babe we really have to work on your organizational skills, but I managed to track down Vicki with the help of your dad. Um, I didn’t give him a heads up about her being here today either. But she wanted to meet you. More than him. Um… She’s never met your dad so…”

“That’ll be interesting.”

“You’re okay with this?” she asked, her eyes searching his.

“What? Are you kidding me? I love it. I’m just surprised you kept the secret that long from everyone or that no one found out. Wait… Did you fake a turkey emergency to get me out of the apartment or…”

“Oh, no, the turkey is a disaster. I really did need a new one that wasn’t a solid brick of ice. But I see you got one, and started it, thanks Babe.”

“Yeah, about that…”

Jake filled in Amy about meeting Charles at the store. Suddenly, gone was the bubbly woman he loved and in her place was a demon ready to suck the soul out of Boyle’s body and place it into the fiery pits of hell.

“We need to destroy him,” she said flatly.

“Okay, but it’s Charles,” said Jake. “The guy can cook. And let’s be honest, the two of us can barely manage not burning a pizza in the oven.”

“Yeah, but we have a secret weapon,” said Amy with a grin.

“What is that?” asked Jake as Vicki entered the kitchen.

“Hey, Vicki, I was just telling Jake that you are part owner of a restaurant up in Fargo,��� said Amy, giving Jake a slight nudge.

“Oh, really?” said Jake, a sneaky smiling on his face as he pressed his fingertips together.

“Okay. I’ve only known you both for a couple hours but I can see something is going on,” said Victoria. “What’s up?”

“Well…”

.

.

.

Charles felt pretty damn smug. His turkey was perfect. Along with the cranberry sauce and desserts Amy asked him for after their little fight over cooking dinner. He also made some sweet potatoes, just to be safe. Oh, and some fresh rolls. He nodded to Rosa who had a sack full of gifts as well as some beer. The girl she was dating, the one she met on Jake and Amy’s wedding day, was with her parents instead. Their relationship being new Rosa had turned down the idea of meeting her parents on the holiday and instead decided to celebrate with her second family.

“Charles.”

“Hey Rosa! What’s with all the gifts?”

“None of your business.”

“Okay, okay…”

“What’s with all the food?” asked Rosa, nodding toward the bag. “I thought Amy was cooking.”

“We decided to split the cooking duties this year.”

“Uh huh… But wasn’t she making the turkey?”

“Well… I figured—”

“You went behind her back and made your own, didn’t you? Bad move Charles. Though I approve because it’ll be funny to see Amy annihilate you when you come in the door with it.”

“Trust me, you’ll thank me later,” said Charles as they got to the door. He knocked and it was Jake who answered. His face stern as he looked at Charles. “Hello, Jake.”

“Charles.”

“Ugh,” said Rosa, shouldering her way in with her stuff, avoiding the standoff at the door. She nodded to those who were there. When she noticed a new face she turned to Amy with a questioning look.

“That is Victoria,” said Amy, taking the bag of gifts. “Jake’s sister.”

“Holy crap,” said Rosa. “Well that’s a surprise.”

“Yeah, he thought so, too. Thanks for keeping his gifts. Glasses are in the kitchen for drinks.”

“Okay. Hey, just a heads up, Charles-”

“Oh, I know, Jake told me. Don’t worry. We have it handled.”

Rosa had to admit. It smelled damn good in the kitchen when she got her drink. She also noticed the perfectly cooked pies cooling on the counter top. She smirked at that, remembering Charles saying something about cooking the desserts. Rosa poured her drink and went into the living room to ready herself for the fireworks.

.

.

.

“Oh, Charles, sorry. I had no room for the turkey in the oven,” said Amy. “Your sweet potatoes went in there though. They fit just fine.”

“That’s ok, Amy, my turkey will be fine sitting out for the next couple minutes. Since it’s done and perfect. Oh, I saw the pies. Where did you buy them from?”

“I didn’t buy them,” said Amy with a smug grin. “They’re homemade.”

Charles scoffed at that. “Oh, please, no one here will believe that.”

“Ohhh, but it is the truth,” said Jake, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “They are homemade. My sister made them.”

“Kate?” asked Charles. “Well now no one will eat your food. There will probably be glass in it!”

“No, not Kate,” said a woman Charles didn’t know, hands on her hips and her eyebrow quirked. Charles instantly disliked her. “Me.”

“Charles, I’d like for you to meet my sister Vicki. She is a co-owner to a wonderful little restaurant and OUR FOOD IS GOING TO WIN! In your face!”

“Oh, bring it, Jake. My palette is superior in every way. I’m going to wipe the floor with you!” Charles then quickly shifted gears. Because since she was Jake’s sister he totally loved her already. “My name is Charles, I’m Jake’s best friend, it’s really nice to meet you by the way–-Now get ready to suck it!”

“Wow,” said Vicki as Charles marched out of the kitchen area. “He’s… A lot.”

“Oh, yeah, he’s very intense. Maybe a little insane. But he’s my partner and best friend aside from Amy and means a lot to me so hopefully we can get along after all this.”

“Who cares. I just want to win,” said Amy, taking another drink for herself before announcing that dinner was ready.

Jake’s dad had cancelled. Which was fine with Amy but heartbreaking for Jake so she supported him with a half hug. Vicki wasn’t too sad about the dad she never met not showing. Surprisingly she got along really well with Jake’s mother and Kevin, the both of them very curious about her business at home. When it came time to carve the turkeys Amy and Charles faced off at opposite ends of the table. Everyone got a helping of each turkey. From the looks of it Amy and Vicki’s looked better. But looks weren’t everything. They took their seats. Amy cut her toast in half so that the eating could start, and then she just watched. Everyone seemed happy with all the food and that made her feel better by a lot. The turkey was what mattered the most. Charles tried to say she cheated by not making it. Vicki intervened by saying she never touched the turkey and only gave guidance while making the pies.

That had shut him up.

“Okay, you have to settle this for us, who had the better turkey?”

“Must we really?” Kevin sighed before sharing a look with Vicki. “I must warn you. This group of individuals are always involved in some inane quarrel about who is better at what.”

“Competition is healthy, Kevin, and I must say that Santiago had the best turkey,” said Raymond Holt. “Properly cooked. Properly seasoned.”

“Hah, suck it Charles!” sneered Amy.

“I pick Charles,” said Gina.

“Oh you would,” scoffed Amy. “Just like I knew you wouldn’t bring the flowers.”

“Get off my back, Amy, damn!” said Gina before grabbing her wine.

They all went around the table. It was close. Charles was ahead by two before they got to the last of the guests. Rosa picked Amy as did Jake’s mom, which rocked Charles because apparently he’d been trying to butter her up all night. The final vote came to Kevin and everyone looked at him expectantly. He sighed, finally relenting, placing his cutlery down before pondering his decision.

“I’m with Raymond. Amy had the better dish.”

“YES!” Amy cheered before standing up and starting her celebration dance.

“NOOOOOOOO!” shouted Charles at the same time, hands slamming on the table and rattling everything on it.

“Hey, can we get some pie now?” asked Scully.

“We saw the pies cooling on the counter and if you make us wait any longer we may just burn the place down,” said Hitchcock.

“This is the best Christmas ever,” said Rosa, laughing at Charles losing it once more when his pie was bypassed in favor of Vicki’s when he tried to say his pies would be better than hers—then losing tremendously.

.

.

.

Everyone was gone. Vicki was in the guest room getting ready for bed. Amy was putting the last of the dishes away when two arms wrapped around her middle. She smiled, hands settling over his as he hugged her tightly.

“Can I say this was probably the best Christmas I ever had. Meeting Victoria at the top of the list and then beating Charles in the Battle of Turkeys. Also, present decoys? Nioce.”

“I’m glad you’re happy,” she said turning in his embrace so that she could wrap her arms around him fully. “I’m sorry your dad didn’t show.”

“It’s okay. I’m used to it.”

“Hey-oh. Sorry,” said Vicki, who’d come into the kitchen. “I’ll come back.”

“No, no, we’re cool. What’s up?” asked Amy.

“Well I’m not quite tired yet since it’s only nine where I’m from. I was going to ask if you all wanted to watch a movie or something.”

“We… We could watch Die Hard,” said Jake almost breathlessly.

“Oh, yeah. That’d be good. I like that movie.” said Vicki. “Just let me take my contacts out!”

“Oh my God I love her,” said Jake as she left, making Amy laugh. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers for a quick yet satisfying kiss. “I love you, Ames. Merry Christmas.”

“I love you, too. Merry Christmas.”

END

[enixamyram]

Curious Archer Christmas Chapter 2

  “It's really getting cold.” Robin noted, shivering and tightening the hold she had where she and Alice had looped their arms around one another. “Won't be long before it starts snowing.”

  “A white Christmas! Isn't that what's in all those Christmas stories?” Alice laughed, curling against her side as best as she could. It really was getting cold and she could see her own icy breath frosting in front of her every time she spoke.

  “Most of 'em.” Robin admitted. “Personally I'd rather a hot sunny beach side Christmas!”

  “Maybe next year.” Alice laughed.

  “It's a date.” Robin kissed her cheek.

  Alice grinned and raised an eyebrow at her. “I didn't know you hated snow, though. You always said you missed it in the Enchanted Forest.”

  “Oh I don't hate snow. I love it! And I did miss it a lot when we never had it, but as much as I love the snow, I still hate the cold!” Robin laughed, shivering as if to prove her point. “It's like; I'm fine with the cold so long as we get some snow out of it. But the dry cold or rainy cold is just lousy. There's nothing good about it, if you ask me.”

  “I don't know about that.” Alice said, resting her head on Robin's shoulder. They were quite close in height, so it was a little awkward, doing it while still walking, but somehow Alice managed it in a way that made it look easy. “Cuddling's a pretty fun winter sport.”

  “Okay, you got me there.” Robin grinned, leaning her head against Alice's in return.

  They kept walking through the brisk late morning dew, down the quiet streets of Storybrooke’s town as quickly as they could manage while holding onto one another and tightly bundled in warm layers. It really was a chilly morning and they were both looking forward to tucking themselves back inside, but only after they had made a quick trip to see Zelena.

  Yesterday afternoon, they had received a call from Robin's mother, asking if they wanted to take some of the families old Christmas decorations for their own house. She and Chad had recently bought a new set with them from their old home, but they knew how sentimental Robin could be over these things and thought she might like a few of her childhood ones before they were all thrown out. And she was right. Not only was Robin unwilling to let so many old memories be simply tossed aside, but between their minimum wage jobs, Alice and Robin could barely afford their rent and other basic necessities, let alone a whole new set of Christmas decorations. And this wasn’t even including all the present they still needed to buy everyone. So it was a big relief to be offered everything for free. And Alice was also looking forward to seeing what kind of things Robin grew up with as a child on Christmas.

  As they finally approached the house sitting at the end of one of Storybrooke’s original streets, the picked up speed slightly, never breaking the hold they had on one another’s arms as they did. Even with all their tops, jumpers, jackets and coats that they had pulled on themselves before leaving the house, the two were quickly becoming very blue from the cold air hanging around and noticeably shivered against each other. They were both eager to grab the decorations and get home to their warm waiting house as soon as possible.

  “Mum!” Robin called as they approached the door, knocking hard on the surface before they’d even come to a complete stop. She had a key but was far too cold to waste the time fishing it out of her pocket. “We're here!”

  A few seconds later, the door swung open, revealing the Wicked Witch of the West herself. Zelena was positively glowing, and had been ever since they returned to the United Realms together. But that wasn't surprising. When Zelena had joined the others, she was forced to make a decision and tell Chad the whole truth – all of it – about who she really was. She had confessed and proven her story to him with magic, and was then immediately shunned while he worked through his shock. Zelena had been depressed during the build up to returning home, and had cried often, waiting for him to return to her. At one point, it seemed like he never would and Zelena’s heart ache grew so intense, all her family became seriously worried for her.

  But of course, Chad did come back. He returned to her at the last possible second, declaring that the last few weeks were painful for him but he truly loved Kelly, whether she was Zelena or whatever other name she went under, and he would do anything to make their relationship work. Even if it meant accepting a crazy world of magic and leaving his life in San Francisco behind for a whole new land across the country. It was a romantic spectacle and everyone was relieved when Zelena burst into fresh tears, knowing these were ones of joy.

  Some people were worried he might change his mind once he saw the full world he had agreed to be part of, or when he began missing the old friends and family he was now forced to lie to and see only on the holidays he could travel back to San Francisco. Regina in particular kept an eye on him, as if daring Chad to leave and break her sisters heart. But in the end he surprised everyone, Zelena included. It took some time, but bit by bit, he grew more comfortable with this new life and with the woman he really married. And soon they were almost like a normal couple again, even if, after all this time, Chad was still adjusting to certain aspects of the United Realms.

  “Robin, what took you?!” Zelena laughed, stepping over the threshold and grabbing them. “It's freezing! Get inside, quickly!” She shivered dramatically. “Brrr!”

  “We weren't that long.” Robin grinned. “Be easier if you just poofed us here, you know.”

  “Yeah well, Chad's still a little uncomfortable about me using magic,” Zelena admitted shyly.

  “Oh, I thought he was doing better.” Robin mumbled, glancing around the hallway for the man in question.

  “He is!” Zelena said quickly. “It's just gonna take time before I can fly home on a broomstick again, that’s all.”

  Robin and Alice smiled at her as they wandered down the hall and into the living room, listening to Zelena talk about how her driving was improving at least. They had just stepped into the doorway where they promptly froze on the spot. “Holy hell mum!”

  The whole living room – usually so clean and well kept – was stuffed with an endless arrange of boxes lying side by side and piled atop of one another, filling up any spare the original furniture didn’t. The boxes varied from colours of plain brown, to dark red, to old faded black boxes with shoe and clothes still clinging logos onto them. One even had a picture of an old PC on that Robin remembered her mother buying for her when she started high school, now empty and full of brightly coloured tinsel and tree decorations instead. And that wasn't even including the decorations that seemingly didn't fit inside the boxes and had so been left lying on top of everything else.

  “I thought you said you had a couple of boxes?!” Robin shouted, gaping at everything lying in front of them.

  “Um, I don't think we're going to be able to carry all these by ourselves.” Alice noted.

  “Seriously! I thought you said you had a couple! Like you were actually keeping some for yourself. Why are you getting rid of all of it?” Robin yelped.

  “Well we are keeping the rest.” Zelena shrugged.

  “What rest?!”

  Zelena shrugged again. “A couple of lights.”

  Robin rolled he eyes and shook her head. “Mum... You're something else. How are we supposed to get all this stuff back home? We'll have to make several trips back and forth at least.”

  “Well...” Alice held up a hand. “I could always get us all home.”

  There was a pause. Then: “That's my girl!” Robin beamed. “Why didn’t do we that in the first place?”

  Alice smiled at her but the smile dimmed when she saw Zelena chewing on the inside of her lip, suddenly looking very anxious about the idea. “I mean, we don't have to. We can just carry it like normal.”

  “Oh come on!” Robin protested.

  “No, no you do your thing, Alice.” Zelena said. “I don't want to use magic with Chad but it's not fair to stop others from using theirs. Just... Let me keep him busy so he doesn't accidentally come into it halfway. Okay?”

  “Thanks, mum.” Robin grinned, reaching over to hug her tightly once more. “You're the best!”

  “Yeah, I know.” Zelena said, her smile returning now as some tension left her shoulders. She turned quickly and hugged Alice too. “Come round sometime before Christmas, okay? We can have a big lunch, all four of us.”

  “Will do!”

  With that, Zelena turned and hurried into Chad's study to keep him distracted while Alice turned to the rest of the boxes waiting for her. She rubbed her hands together and took a slow breath in and out. She wasn't very much used to random acts of magic these days. Alice had never been crazy about using it for every little thing despite Robin’s encouragement. And when she did, her magic was mostly used for helping the gardens grow and taking care of the local animals that wandered by... All in all, she was just worried about being a little rusty in regards to transportation magic.

  As if sensing her hesitation, Robin reached over and placed her hand over the top of Alice's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze and leaning close until Alice could feel her breath on the back of her neck. It was a pleasant feeling and gave Alice all the confidence she needed to go ahead with the spell.

  Closing her hands into temporary fists, Alice forced herself to relax and focused on the warm magic she always felt rolling inside of her. She reached out her hands, unclenching her fists at the same time, and waved towards the multiple boxes lining the walls and filling the floor. Barely a moment later, the whole room was filled with a cloud of white smoke that had an soft yellow shine to parts of it. The smoke stretching out from one corner to the next and coating every box and package. It lasted for just a short second and faded just as quickly as it appeared, the smoke vanishing in a dramatic sweep of sudden wind and taking almost everything along with it.

  “Uh, Alice?”

  Breathing hard from nerves more than effort, Alice glanced up and saw Robin pointing to the now clear and spotless room. Alice looked around but it took her another minute of scanning the area before she finally realised that her magic seemed to have taken all the sofas and chairs along with the boxes.

  “Woops.” Alice blushed.

  “Can you, uh, bring it back?” Robin said, barely managing to hold in her giggles. “I think Chad might notice that much furniture missing.”

  “Yeah, one second!” Alice said, quickly searching for the magic she had used and tracing it in her mind back to where everything was now waiting for them at home. It was an odd feeling, but despite not using her powers for this type of magic often, Alice found it easy none the less.

  A few seconds later, everything had appeared once more in a similar swirl of white and gold smoke. Only it all may have been a little off centre and the girls quickly took some time to push everything around to where it had been originally, working off their memories as best as they could.

  “Okay, that's as good as it gets. Let's go before Chad asks how we did it all so fast.” Robin said, pulling Alice back to the door. “We're off, mum! Thanks again!”

  “You sure you got everything?” Zelena's voice came from the upstairs hallway.

  “Yup! Catch up later!” Robin said, stepping outside and pulling Alice behind her, letting the door slam shut on its own. She’d barely taken a step passed the porch and yet was already shivering once more. “Let's get home. Quickly!”

  Alice pulled on her arm and stopped her from going any further. “How quickly do you want to?” Alice asked, grinning shyly.

  Robin blinked before jumping to stand back beside her, sliding her arms around Alice's hips. “Do it!” She said excitedly.

  “Shall I wiggle my nose first?” Alice teased.

  “I dare ya!” Robin laughed.

  A few playful seconds of inside jokes later, Alice had magicked the two of them back home where all the decorations were waiting for them... Even if it was waiting for them in a ridiculous mess from having fallen over everything else in its way upon arrival.

C*H*R*I*S*T*M*A*S

  “Okay, that's the last of it!” Alice said happily.

  The two of them had spent the better part of their day, clearing up the mess Alice had accidentally made during her transportation, fixing everything back to how it should be and lining all their new decoration boxes up against the wall on the far side by the window. It still made everything look very untidy, but at least it was an organized untidy.

  “So, you ready for lunch?” Robin asked, stretching her arms and pressing her hands against her spine until she heard a satisfying click.

  “Yes!” Alice beamed. “We'll eat and then start decorating!”

  Robin laughed as she stepped into the kitchen. “Not so fast, Tower Girl. We don't decorate until twelve days before Christmas. Then take it all down twelve days after.”

  “What? Why?” Alice frowned.

  “It's a tradition.” Robin shrugged, like that explained it all.

  “Why?” Alice pressed.

  Robin paused and glanced back over her shoulder at her. “Uh, well... I'm not really sure. But it just is! It's a tradition and we just kind of do it that way now.”

  Alice began pouting. It seemed pretty silly to her. Why wait so long to do a tradition that they couldn't even remember why they did it for? And they had so many lovely things to put up and admire for as long as possible so why bother putting it off?

  But Robin knew more about Christmas than Alice did, and she hadn't steered her wrong yet. When it came down to it, Alice did trust Robin... She was just also very impatient.

  Inside the kitchen, while Robin began to root around for something to make a lunch out of, Alice hovered by the doorway and looked longingly towards the boxes piled up, some still not quite closed to hide the beautiful things tucked away inside. She had been so excited when they had gotten the offer to go pick them up and now she couldn't do anything with any of it. It was like taking a kid shopping and letting them pick up their birthday present right there and then but refusing to let them actually play with it until their actual birthday in a couple weeks. It was needless torture!

  “Damn, the breads no good.” Robin sighed, standing and tossing the last two slices of molding bread into the bin. She looked back at Alice and grinned. “Fancy going out to eat today?”

  “Hmm,” Alice hummed. “Not especially. Why don't we have some popcorn instead? I’m sure we have a bag leftover somewhere.”

  “Yeah, but I fancy a proper sandwich.” Robin said, already walking for the door where her coat hung on the wall at the side. “If you don't want to come, I can pick you up something from Granny's?”

  “Marmalade sandwich!” Alice said immediately.

  “Of course,” Robin laughed, doing up the buttons and double checking she still had her purse and keys in the pockets. “I'll be back as quick as I can.”

  “Say hi to Granny and Ruby for me!” Alice said cheerfully.

  Robin paused in the open doorway to groan loudly, remembering her last run in with the pair of diner owning werewolves. Even as half human, they reacted to the young female archer the way all animals seemed to; by being on edge and even growling if she happened to surprise them at the wrong time. She didn't go out of her way to avoid them and they didn’t hate each other per say, but she certainly didn't cry when they happened to miss one another. Unfortunately, Granny's cooking was just too good to give up on so Robin was going to have to suck it up and see the half mutts every once in a while.

  “I'll be back,” Robin repeated, heading out and letting the door swing shut behind her.

  Alice watched her go in silence before sighing and wandering back into the living room, stepping over to the boxes and peering over them and out the window to watch Robin walk onto the street. She let her hands drift over and rest on top of the closest box for support, waiting until Robin had completely vanished from sight before she looked down at them. There really was so much more than they were expecting. She and Robin hadn't thought they would have enough to fill the main room, but now it looked like they would have enough to do the whole first floor of the house. Alice felt giddy with the thoughts- the ideas of the house they could make, now they had the tools to do so. It would be the most magical thing and Alice wouldn't even need to use actual magic to make it happen!

  Now she just needed to wait for the right time for it to happen, which apparently wouldn't be for another week! How anyone could honestly wait that long, Alice had no idea. And she still didn't see the point in it. It would take them so long to put them all up in the first place, and they'd only be around for a short time before they had to take them all back down again. It just seemed like such a waste. Like Halloween. Why bother having so many wonderful decorations up for a single night just to pack them away again for a whole year? Why couldn't they put them all up early and really celebrate the holiday all month long?

  But there were a lot of things Alice didn't understand about normal life in Storybrooke yet, and she had long since accepted that. She was just going to have to wait and play by Robin's silly rules like she always did.

  With another deep breath, Alice turned away from the decorations and glanced around the room. She and Robin were pretty good for keeping their home clean – Alice loved this building that she now shared with her love, so much that she wanted to take care of it and Robin seemed to pick up on that as well, doing what she could to help. But they weren't perfect and if they couldn't put the decorations up now, then Alice could at least get them ready for when they could.

  So with that in mind, Alice drifted back into the hallway closest, collecting a series of sprays and polish as well as some old rags to have a big official clean up. She started by dusting all the shelves and counter tops, shuffling all the little things temporarily out of her way before placing them back again and moving on to the next. Once that was done, she pulled out the larger pieces of furniture and grabbed the vacuum, running it over all the carpets, floor boards and tiles of the entire house until it was as clean as she could possibly get it. Then she returned and cleaned down all the windows and doors and mirrors, just for something to do.

  The whole process was meant to keep her busy until Robin came home, but there wasn't that much to clean in the first place. And on top of that, Alice was – accidentally – quite a fast working cleaning and once she got going, she sometimes lost herself in her work and finished much faster than other people might. Which meant she still had plenty of time to waste before Robin got back with their lunch... Might as well squeeze in a quick shower before eating.

  As she turned away from the living room, Alice accidentally dropped one of the polish bottles on top of one of the boxes closest to the door. It only dented the lid slightly but it was enough for a shiny gold piece to peek through and catch Alice's attention. She left the polish bottle on the floor and instead, pulled back the lid on the box, exposing the decoration inside. It was a Santa doll ornament, but with a golden coat rather than a red one, positioned like he was sitting on something invisible and holding an odd French horn in his grip. And Alice had no idea if it was random or part of the many more secret traditions she had yet to learn.

  Crouching beside the box, Alice placed the cleaning supplies in her arms on the floor and reached into the box, carefully pulling the golden Santa out and holding it in front of her. It was the most ridiculous thing she had ever seen, and yet Alice was indescribably amused by it all the same! Whether it was the bright colours or the cheerful smile on the old face, or the tiny detail such as the little round glasses he wore, Alice found herself grinning at the thing, wondering where it would sit the nicest in their house once they were ready to put it up.

  Climbing back onto her feet, Alice wandered towards the windowsill, holding the golden Santa up by the edge to see how he'd look. She remembered Robin saying something about everything having a perfect place, and you just needed to take the time to find it. So Alice spent a few minutes at each location, wandering around the living room before she ended back in the hallway, setting the golden Santa on the shelf by the staircase where they normally kept trinkets from their travels.

  There. That was the perfect place!

  Alice paused, glancing back through the open doorway where she could see where the open box still sat. There really wasn't much point putting Gold Santa back now that he had a place on the shelf. He might as well stay where he was for now.

  Turning back into the living room, Alice wandered over to pick up to cleaning supplies and close the box back up but stopped short just as she began to crouch down. Something else caught her eye. Only this time it was a flash of silver.

  Without hesitating about it, Alice once again forgot the cleaning supplies and turned back to the box. Reaching into it once more, this time Alice pulled out a second Santa that was very similarly designed to the first one. She held it up in front of her like the last one, staring at it curiously and looking it up and down. It really was very similar to the Gold Santa now sitting on the hallway shelf, but instead of gold clothing, his was silver and he wasn't sitting down with a leg crossed, but rather standing upright on his two chubby legs. And the instrument that he held in his hands wasn't a small trumpet, but rather, quite a large old fashion accordion.

  Once again, Alice was fascinated with how nonsensical it was!

  “Well...” She mused quietly. “You look like you're a pair... And it wouldn't be fair to unpack one of you and not the other...”

  She doubt Robin would mind if she unpacked just these two.

C*H*R*I*S*T*M*A*S

  Getting food from Granny's had taken much longer than Robin had originally thought. It didn't help that everyone she ran into wanted to stop for a chat, including her aunt Regina who was eager to find out what to get her niece for a present this year. By the time she reached the old diner, the lunch rush was at its busiest and Robin was forced to hang around for a stretch of time before Red could finally take her order. She did it with only a slight upturned nose and – to her credit – seemed to want to get Robin out of there as quickly as Robin wanted to leave, leading the young waitress to rush around to make the sandwiches. She even threw in a couple chocolate cookies for Alice, whom she ironically had a soft spot for. But even with Red's rush, it still took Robin far too long to get her food and get out. And then, as if the universe was having a laugh at her expense, she ended up running into Mulan and Dorothy, one of whom she deeply admired, and one of whom she wished she could shove into another cyclone. Mulan barely managed to pry the two of them apart as an argument built up and when Robin stalked away in a huff, she realised it had been a couple of hours since he had left Alice alone!

  Doing her best to rush home without destroying the carefully wrapped sandwiches in the carrier bag hanging off her arm, Robin was no longer feeling the cold breeze as something irritating by the time she reached her street. Instead it was a comforting relief against her hot sweaty skin. As she closed the distance to her house, she paused on the corner road, checking the bag to make sure it really was all okay inside. It seemed only one of the cookies had broken in her haste, but Robin would happily have that one for herself. Otherwise it was all good.

  With a deep slow breath to calm her racing heart rate down, Robin stood back up straight and continued home, slowing her pace to a steady walk now she was close. As fun as walks through Storybrooke were, Robin had officially had enough of them for today. She was looking forward to kicking her feet up for the rest of the day inside her warm home with her wife by her side. Maybe she and Alice could put on a couple Christmas-...

  Robin's thoughts trailed off as she caught sight of the house.

  Robin wasn't oddly caught between being a little annoyed and a little amused. But mostly she was just stunned. Because, yes, she had been gone for a couple of hours but there was no way what she was staring at was just a couple hours work. She had to have used magic. Or have gotten help from other people. Or something!

  The front of the house had a layer of lights hanging down from the roof of multiple colours like a waterfall, as well as matching lights circling around the front door and bottom two windows. Robin squinted slightly and realised there was a familiar door chime that was hung on the wall where the bird feeder normally was (the bird feeder had been moved to a branch of a tree stretching over from one of the neighbouring houses) and it seemed that Alice had take the fake snow bottles and sprayed it along the edge of the house and over all the window sills. On top of that, the second floor windows had happy elf stickers showing through the glass and there were three plastic reindeer ornaments lining the roof with a child sized Santa holding onto the chimney in front of them. And then there was the front garden, which had a pair of miniature Christmas trees beside the path with leafs that slowly turned every colour other than their natural green – okay, that definitely had some kind of magic involved.

  Robin slowly drift through onto the front garden and glanced around to find a series of plastic woodland creatures in winter clothing waiting for her. Zelena used to line them along the staircase, but now they were lining either side of the front path leading to the front door instead. They were directed to face towards the front door as well, as if guiding visitors inside, and each of them had an additional star sticker placed on one of their cheeks. Without a doubt, it was one of the simplest, yet cutest things Robin had ever seen.

  “Robin!”

  She looked up sharply, just in time to see Alice scrambling out from behind one of the reindeer, leaning over the edge of the roof and panting heavily. She sounded completely tired, but looked as fresh as ever and didn't hesitate to swing her body round and jump off the roof. Robin felt a single flash of panic, which proved to be needless as Alice floated gently down to the ground like a feather, coming to a peaceful stop in front of her.

  “I...” She paused, glancing around towards the constant colour changing trees. “I kind of... Got a head start on the decorating.”

  “I can see that.” Robin nodded, feeling her lips twitching and fighting the urge to smile. Guess being amused outweighed her slight annoyance at missing the chance to help her. “Is it just the outside or is there a Wonderland inside as well?” Alice raised an eyebrow at the Wonderland expression – there were only so many of them she could let slide. “Sorry.”

  Alice brushed it off and put her hands guiltily behind her back. “I may have... Touched up a bit while you were gone.”

  “I figured.” Robin snorted. “Come on. Let's see just how much you got up to.”

  “You're not upset?” Alice asked nervously, leading Robin inside but watching her face closely for sign of irritation.

  Before she could answer, Robin stepped inside the house and was floored and not just by the warmth hitting her dead on.

  Robin was sure they hadn’t had this many decorations at her old house when they picked them up and was genuinely confused as to where some of it had come from. Almost every shelf had a different snow covered building or snowman or Santa sitting atop if, and there was tinsel in greens, purples and blues lining the rail of the stairs and draped around almost every doorway. The one thing Robin did recognise was the animatronic snowmen, Santa's and reindeer – all wearing skies – set up in the hallway and ready to be switched on just as soon as they were given some fresh batteries. Each of them was a different outer design but once they were up and running, they would immediately sing their matching recorded Christmas songs.

  When they wandered into the living room, Robin saw a series of familiar snow globes lining over the top of the fireplace. All of them were depicting a famous place from the Enchanted Forest – presents that her aunt had given her Robin and her mother over the years. There were also half a dozen pictures that had been taken down and replaced with art works of various make Christmas scenes, and ceiling decorations had been hung with obvious care and attention. There were some that dangled in streams, others that were shaped like snowflakes, and some that were twisted into cute little curls of randomness, each of them coming in every colour from purple, blue, green, gold, silver, red and white.

  In the end, it seemed that only three boxes had been left unpacked. Instead they had been pushed into a corner that looked oddly bare compared to the rest of the room. It didn't take Robin much time to guess that they were for the Christmas tree they didn't yet have. Otherwise everything else they had gotten from Zelena (and so many things that Robin still didn't recognise) was unpacked and set up perfectly in place.

  “This is... Amazing!” Robin laughed, turning slowly. “Where did you even get half this stuff? It can't all be from mum’s house.”

  “Well, I did get a little into it and I found some stuff that looked cute but could have been nicer if it had been in a different position or a different colour. But I didn't want to alter any of your stuff so I just used some magic to transfer some things we already owned into them instead.” Alice explained. “It saves us packing it out of the way and we can turn it all back once the holiday's over and done with.”

  “That's awesome!” Robin gasped, dropping the food carelessly on the nearest chair. “So like, the front trees?”

  “Yeah they were fun to make.” Alice grinned.

  “This is really something, Alice.” Robin breathed, still turning to take it all in. “How did you even manage it all on your own? Magic again?”

  “I may have used a little magic to speed up the process.” Alice continued. “I got kind of excited about the whole thing and couldn’t wait to get it done.”

  “Just a little?” Robin laughed, pulling Alice into her arms and kissing her. When she pulled back, they kept their arms firmly around one another, leaning into each other for support and grinning stupidly. “Guess we need to think about getting a tree then, huh?”

  “Oh, I've already spoken to Henry about that. He said he knows someone and Lucy's gonna show me where to find one tomorrow.” Alice said cheerfully.

  Robin blinked in surprise and let out another laugh. “Alice, I freaking love you!”

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

Life Story 102

Patrice, the general manager at Zany's where I worked, was socializing at a function of some kind, and ended up talking to the parents of one of her old college friends. This old couple went to the Lutheran church, and they had just lost their cleaning woman, an undocumented immigrant from Mexico that they paid under the table once a week to do janitorial work for their church. And every other Thursday they arranged for her to come over and clean their home as well. Patrice gave them my number, and I accepted the job. At this point, I really didn't need the money that badly, but Patrice had known from Sarah's attempts to get me a job there for so long that I needed work, that she instantly thought of me.

It was an awkward arrangement, and I found it difficult to communicate with the elderly mother of Patrice's distant friend. She wasn't forward in a way that I liked. For instance, she asked me too many questions, or delivered too many options but only wanted me to pick one option. She had days that she wanted me to do work, but she was unwilling to say them and instead told me to pick days when I could work, so then I would pick working on a random day, and she would start getting huffy and anxious, and eventually, after asking a lot of questions, she told me that day wouldn't work. It would have been far simpler if she gave me her ideas and I worked with her on those ideas instead. She ended up doing the same thing with everything involving the cleaning tasks she set me up to. She gave me four different cleaning products for cleaning the toilets, then went out and bought more cleaning products. In the end I had no idea what she wanted me to use – there was just so much.

It was not a long lived job. I remember the first day I went up to the church to clean it. It was way out of town, towards Tammany, miles from where I lived. Honestly, I was so tired of working with this uncertain woman that I just wanted her to leave me to the tasks so I could do them without her fretting about it as I worked. It was like she wanted to have all the control, but not at the same time, and she couldn't make up her mind and it stood in the way of ever getting the basic stuff done.

The church itself had a few people in it, there was a church function for special needs teens that attended that church, as well as a few other people who walked around the premises. The pastor was horrible. It might be unfair for me to say that because he really was never anything but nice towards me  - but something in my intuition didn't like the guy. He was phony, and he had a weird palmy handshake and as far as I could tell, he only ever wore Hawaiian shirts. He seemed cheesily happy all the time, but I could tell he was also very judgmental and full of himself. I tried to avoid people as I cleaned the church. I could feel them wondering about me, wondering if I was a fellow Lutheran, or if I would cut it as a replacement to the other cleaning woman that had left.

All in all, there were things I liked about cleaning the church. It was pretty in there. The light from the stained glass was beautiful. There was a serene and soft echoey feeling of calm in the church that was refreshing when one was alone. I always liked church pews, the old wood, candles, the bibles – even though I was a perfect heathen myself. It reminded me of days I had spent as a child in Sunday school with Rachelle. There is an old smell to these places that gave me a sense of nostalgia for my childhood. It ruined things when the pastor was around though, or when I found pamphlets concerned with 'fixing' gay people.

On the other days of the week, I went to the elderly couples house to clean for them. I absolutely hated cleaning there house it turns out. They were very rich, and they lived several miles the other direction in a small town just down the river called Asotin. They lived in a gated community, where the homes were plastic and new and everything looked very similar in these squeaky clean winding neighborhoods. There weren't any older homes, or old trees. I hated the community they lived in. Inside wasn't much better. They lived in an enormous house that they didn't need. They had a basement that was giant, and five bathrooms they never used – but wanted me to clean each one. It turns out that I hate cleaning and dusting when there is no grit or dust on anything. It was mind numbing, and I had to endure more of this woman following me around.

The older man was friendly. He was an old veteran, and he eventually found me cleaning and brought me into his office – which was decorated with war regalia and figurines representing warplanes and ships. There were paintings of soldiers all over. It seemed he spent a lot of his time in his war room, in order to get away from his wife and the idea that the50's were no longer. He was friendly though, and he seemed far more direct in what he wanted from me as far as cleaning was concerned. He seemed lonely. Though they were both grandparents, their kids and grand kids weren't all that interested in visiting much.

I accidentally scratched a table and I panicked. They had a precious stone of some kind on a table on display, and it tipped over and slightly chipped a part of their table. I don't think it was really my fault. It just kind of happened. Still I deliberated on what I should do, and instead of telling this woman, only to watch her fret and stew over it, I moved the stone so it was over top of the mark it had made on the table, hiding it from sight. As far as I know, it never went farther than that. What ultimately frustrated me the most though, was there wasn't any reason for me to clean around this thing. There was literally no dust. That, and I could hear them listening to conservative talk radio. It seemed really cheap to me that they were fine with an undocumented immigrant when she was cleaning their house, but they at the same time they wanted to coldly deport immigrants. It seemed weird to me that they both relied on immigrants and seemed to detest them, and only liked an immigrant if that immigrant was someone they saw as someone they personally owned who benefited them because they didn't have to pay a decent wage.

I did this job for about a month, but two things happened that made me stop. The first thing was something odd that happened at the church. It wasn't bad per say. It just was a sign. I was looking for reasons not to go to this job – I wasn't making that much more money than I was at my dishwashing job, and the people were snobby. What happened was, I was busy cleaning the church, and I had made my way down to the downstairs bathrooms – I tried opening the door to get in so I could clean the toilets and mop and clean the mirrors when I heard a moan of agony in one of the stalls. Clearly someone was in there, and it smelled horrid the second I walked in. In fact, I have never smelled anything so badly in my life. Whoever created that smell might have been dying – it was the first instinctive thought I had. I looked briefly in the direction of the moan, and it was the shoes of the pastor. I didn't mean to look, but I instantly noticed it was him and I skated out of there to give him space in the bathrooms.

He ended up being in the stall for forty minutes. I cleaned other areas of the downstairs of the church. I swept and changed the garbage bags. I waited patiently for him to leave the bathroom. I vacuumed the stairs twice. Eventually I heard him leave. I went in there, and it still smelled wicked, and when I looked in to the stall he had been in, the entire thing had been wiped down. The floor was wet. The sides of the stall were wet. And something about this, along with the rude looks of the church ladies who taught the special needs folk upstairs and their phony rich whiteness just bothered me, and I decided I wouldn't go back the next Thursday.

As for the job with the elderly couple I was cleaning house for. In all earnest, I tried to make it up to their home one more time, and I was going to explain to them that it wasn't going to work for me. I didn't want to come off as unappreciative, but their fake neighborhood and the phony rich white conservative attitude about the world made me uneasy – but I intended to tell them something nice just the same. Sarah foolishly let Zack use her car that day, and I had asked her to drive me out to Asotin to clean the elderly couples house before she headed off for work at Zany's. So we drove out there and into the phony hill neighborhood using Zack's car instead. Zack's car was loud and the back window and front window was duct taped and hideous. It looked like it had gone through a riot. I was trying to find their house, but every house on that hill was identical. I in all honesty couldn't recognize anyone's home apart from the next, so I just had Sarah drop me off. It was still morning but it was pretty hot outside already, Lewiston has an extremely low elevation compared to the rest of Idaho and it's very dry and desertlike, and summers in Lewiston can be very brutal.

Anyway, I didn't want Sarah to be late for work, so she dropped me off, and I just walked around this area looking for the house I was supposed to work at. It started to become clearer and clearer to me that there was no way I could tell each house apart, and what's more, out of the corner of my eye, I could see people looking at me suspiciously through their blinds. It was all quiet of course, but I could feel judgment coming from the peeping people who were watching me walk through the neighborhood. It was like a silent buzzing hive mind in the background. Zack's car had caught a lot of attention on account of how loud it had been. As I was starting to get nervous and desperate looking after a half hour, I just stopped and a resolve of clarity hit me. This was not my world and it never would be. There was no flavor in this community, no character or history. I wasn't providing a real service. I didn't enjoy walking around looking for this pointlessly big house that didn't even need cleaning, for people who couldn't really understand what it meant to be poor. If I couldn't even find this place after having worked there twice, it went to show that I probably didn't belong there. It hated me just as much as I hated it. So I decided to walk back home. I wouldn't put in my notice. I would just go.

Unfortunately for me, Asotin was a long ways from home. Eight miles to be exact. And it was going to be a day where temperatures reached into the one hundreds, and already my mouth was becoming sticky and dry. I would have to walk along the river's bike path to get back into town, and I could see the town looming in the distance. I could already tell how sore my legs were going to be by the time I finally got back. But probably the worst problem of all was that I had failed to wear socks. Ninety-nine percent of the time, I wear socks, but for whatever reason, maybe because I was feeling like we were running out of time, or Sarah was worried about making it to work on time, I had somehow left the house wearing just shoes. As I started to walk, I could feel the sweat in my sneakers, and the itchy burning sensation of my heel against the back of my shoes. One foot in particular was horrible. I would almost have taken my shoes off and walked barefoot, but the tar cement on the path was boiling hot, and there were too many little rocks, and my feet are soft. I tried to tough through it.

After walking a mile, I just felt delirious. My feet were on fire, particularly that one foot. I was half certain there was already a bloodblister on my heel. And I still had so many more miles to go, and I needed to get out of the sun as soon as possible, as I don't take well excessive sunlight. In my delirium, I began fantasizing about socks. 'Just one sock'. I imagined the sock cradling my feet. I could live with my right foot hurting, but the left one was becoming unbearable. I was sort of drifting in and out of clear thinking as I continued on.

There wasn't a lot of traffic on the path, and as I continued on down, I saw something white laid out in the middle of the path ahead of me. It looked familiarly like the very thing I was looking for. A sock. I was floored. If I hadn't been thirsty, if I hadn't been delirious from exhaustion, I might have been a little frightened. It seriously looked like someone had carefully laid a sock out on the path – waiting for me. And it wasn't two socks. It was one sock. Just like I had been internally bartering with myself. As I got closer, sure enough, it was a clean white man's sock, a few sizes too big for me. The very basic kind you buy in packs at Walmart. I looked around and there was no one. It was surreal. Surely what were the odds? I never saw anything like this on the path. Regardless I guess if it was divine intervention, if I had created this sock with the power of my thoughts or if it was just a strange coincidence, necessity called, and I put the sock on my foot. It helped considerably, and somehow, by mid afternoon I stumbled home sore, with the one man's white sock. I decided to take the sock as a kind of sign that I wasn't meant to work for those people. That the universe was still on my side, even if it felt chaotic and indifferent and random. I try not to make too big of a deal about it, but internally, I still think about that sock sometimes.

My mother sent David to stay at my grandma Marie's for a week or so. One of Wes's relatives was coming to check on Wes's house, and David wasn't supposed to stay there – and he of course wasn't coming home with the likes of me, so my mom sent him temporarily to my grandma's for a week until Wes's relative was done staying there, or at least, that is the arrangement I remember.  Speaking to my grandma about it later on – she told me that David was frightening. He walked around at random hours of the night, his shaved eyebrows frightened her and he sometimes looked at her like he wanted to kill her. David later explained it differently. Grandma was being judgmental and bitchy. I know them both well enough to know that neither one of them are exactly good at understanding how they come across. I guess I will never know precisely what went on, but after a week, David demanded my mother drive him back, and I guess he was supposed to come to the apartment regardless.

So it was early evening, another hot sunny day. It was my day off, and my mother had just driven her van into the driveway. Sarah and Zack were laying in their bed. Allison was doing her own thing, and I was doing my own thing in the living room. My mom came in the house, and she looked confused and angry and desperate. I guess she wanted Sarah and Zack and me to move. David didn't want us there, and he was refusing to come into the house until everyone moved. He was punching the side of the van as hard as he could and screaming outside. My mother was afraid that the cops would be called. So, rather than address Sarah, me or Zack, rather then let us know what was even happening the night before, or at some point before David was outside throwing a tantrum, she suddenly wanted everyone to move out that second. She hadn't planned this, I guess. But she was too afraid to ask Zack or Sarah to move. But she felt comfortable going after me. So she began screaming at me. She started screaming that she was done with me and I needed to get the fuck out. She didn't ask Sarah or Zack to leave, and instead she followed me as I went into their bedroom to get away from her. I was panicked because I had nowhere to go. Sarah and Zack really didn't either, but me least of all. I had to stay in town. I had nobody's house I could stay at. What was I going to do? And she wasn't kicking them out. The only person she was kicking out was me.

My mother was pounding on the door, screaming at me frantically, telling me I had done nothing but use her, calling me all kinds of names. Zack didn't budge, he wasn't intimidated by my mother's display, and in any case none of this was even aimed at me. It looked in every way like a personal vendetta against me. Perhaps my mother had anticipated that Zack and Sarah would get upset on my behalf and all three of us would leave. She should have known better. Sarah and Zack were fairly unaffected by her rampage, and it was clear she was afraid to confront them and instead was targeting me exclusively. So Sarah deliberated on my behalf, and she messaged Josh through facebook, and asked him if he would be alright if I stayed with him and Whitney in their apartment about a mile and a half away. Josh was instantly stoked and he said 'SURE!' and that was how I came to live with Josh and Whitney. In a way, I felt kind of sold off. I felt powerless. Somewhere between Josh and Sarah trading me off to one another, and my mother kicking me out randomly, it all just kind of happened to me – I didn't happen to it. An hour later I was sitting nervously in Josh and Whitney's house, in a spare bedroom alone wondering what would happen next.

At first, I was very timid, I stayed in the spare bedroom whenever anyone was home, and would only come out when everyone had left. Josh's apartment wasn't very big. Whitney's art was everywhere, and it was fairly entrancing. She painted these swirling chaotic colors all over everything, and she had obviously done damage to the apartment due to accidentally spilling paint. She had recently acquired a little pet black dog named Ichi (I presume the dog was named after Ichigo, the main character in the anime show Bleach), and they were never home enough to potty train him so they had to clean up his turds after work. Whitney didn't have a job. She had quit working at Wendy's after she had broken her leg, and she spent most of her time with her current boyfriend Ryan, this douche bag who lived in Pullman who had cheesy fiery clown tattoo sleeve. Josh was angry that he was paying the full rent on the house. Whitney and he shared a bed, but it wasn't a warm romantic thing, at least not for Josh.

There was something about that apartment that felt oppressive. It was hard to put my finger on it, but being around Josh and Whitney – even when nobody was angry, and nothing bad was happening, well, something was wrong. I felt like someone was trying to pull my soul out with a vacuum. I felt anxious. Josh used television to avoid thinking, and there was something almost militant about how he did this. He came home at five every evening, and he turned on the television. It felt like if I acted normal, the rest of the house wouldn't work. So I learned to sort of hold back whenever I was around Josh and Whitney, Josh in particular. It became instinctive.

Sarah and Zack meanwhile continued to live at my mother's. It was a great big joke to me that they stayed behind and lived the last month with David in that apartment. David tried to scare them off, but Zack was too dumb to care, and Sarah was too oblivious. It had all happened very fast, but in August it had been stipulated that Josh, Whitney, Zack, Sarah and myself – we were all moving into a big house together that was a big run down in a poor neighborhood in Clarkston. The rent would be cheap, and we would all have our own bedrooms. Nobody really talked to me about it, but it was clear that I was never going back to live with my mother, and I was excite about it. This was a huge step for me. Finally I would be moved out of my parents' houses for good. I remembered the girl I had been three years ago, feeling heavy and inhuman and lonely, afraid to go into a grocery store – believing I would never escape. I wanted to reach back and time and tell my old self what I had gone through, what I had powered through to get to where I was. I was finally free. I would have my own place and my own job. It was happening.

Allison didn't stay long at my mother's either. What happened with her was, she was offered to live up in Moscow with Melissa, Josh's sister. She was too behind for the Lewiston High School to accept her as a student, and the alternative school in Lewiston was already booked and full. And she didn't seem to be doing well emotionally. I can't put my finger on it, but after the Bright Eyes fight, things hadn't been the same between her and I. She low key hated me, and she said and stated a lot of arrogant illogical statements at me and everyone around her. She liked cutting me down, and anymore I found myself avoiding her. Of course, who could really blame her. She had pretty much been the victim of our parents, ignored, and she found in me an opportunity to look down on someone (given my vulnerable predisposition), and everything around her was changing fast. She now had Whitney and Josh as friends. I convinced her to go to the alternative school in Moscow, as I had done. I really wanted her to meet Mike. I guess in my mind, I hoped Mike could set her straight. Mike had a way of reaching me when I had been a teenager and wasn't logical. Mike had reshaped me, gave me the tools I needed to find the things in myself to grow. I was hoping he could help Allison. And since she had decided to take Melissa up on that offer to live in Moscow, it was the perfect opportunity for her to go to that same school. So that was what the plan was for her.

Josh, Melissa and Whitney adored Allison. For two months there, it was the cult of Allison. It was kind of strange how much they seemed to center their admiration around this confused teenage girl. And this really fed into Allison's ego, and it permanently changed her. She went from feeling uncertain of herself, tending to focus on her art and music, to seeking attention and being very extroverted. She often times liked to talk about how flawed I was, and criticize me in front of people. It hurt my feelings to some extent, but she wasn't seeing it from my age and vantage point. This situation played with Allison's ego, and it brought things out in her that I don't know she had ever had the opportunity to feel. She felt this sense of power. Her whole life she had been somewhat pushed down or felt inferior to, me – her older sister, and David who was generally the one who got the most attention from our parents. With the popularity she felt from Josh and Whitney giving her attention, she became a different person. She never quite returned to her same coping methods. Looking back, I couldn't help but think that, though it was inevitable that Allison would eventually meet the world and fall victim to flattery and her own complexes and neurosis, Josh and Whitney ultimately damaged something innocent in Allison. Because they weren't truly responsible with Allison. They don't realize what she gave up to them. Josh and Whitney were bored, and they saw Allison's youth as a fancy. They saw that she wrote songs and they gave her praise not because they cared about the art in it, but because it was something they couldn't do, and it made them feel cool to associate themselves with this young prodigy.

Josh and Whitney would drive up to Melissa's to visit Allison, and there were a lot of parties that I didn't know about. Allison came back to visit in Lewiston a week later, and she was flouncing around acting somewhere between a five year old and an egocentric rich woman. There was one day in particular, where Allison, Whitney, Sarah and Zack and I went up to Sarah's ranch. We didn't stay long. I remember separating off from everyone. The dynamics of my relationships with everyone I knew was so different, and anymore, even when I loathed feeling lonely, it was starting to be the only real option. Allison was going between people these days, and she was telling everyone the things that each person had said about the other. Everything anyone told her, she went and told someone else. If you gave her an inch of power, she ran with it. She now had this very open vendetta against both me and Sarah. Part of the reason for this was because she couldn't really affect Sarah and me. Sarah and I had a lot of problems at this point, I think that it's pretty obvious after everything that had happened. Some might reasonably suggest that we were both broken to one another. I still didn't even know if she was my friend or not. But with that said, if I said something bad about Sarah to Allison, it was something I also discussed with Sarah – I made sure she was aware of how I felt no matter how pleasant or unpleasant, no matter if I think she understood or not, and in this sense I could be honest with Sarah in a way that it's very hard to be honest with people. If I had this notion that Sarah was a flake, that she was a selfish person in some fundamental way, that she had an empty soul, I would just tell her, and though she was piss poor at really helping me work through those feelings, it was very personal between us. The truth didn't come from the statement, but it came from the honesty in my exploration of those feelings – at least from my end. And that was the honesty of how Sarah and I communicated and still do so.

So Allison was going between everyone, and telling them what the other had said. She was doing this with Josh and Whitney. When she was around David, she sided against me and Sarah with David. She was trying to do this with me and Sarah. It was neurotic, and after awhile, I felt badly for her. She wanted to control everyone. She wanted to be in the center. I think for years, Allison had felt fundamentally unloved and pushed aside, belittled, ignored, and ashamed, and this was in some confused way, her way of trying to place herself in the middle where the love was, where people would appreciate her and respect her. It was unhealthy, a testament to her own internal breaking point. It was clear that the little bit of attention she had received was causing her to become desperate, and to fall apart. She got pretty angry with Sarah when she tried to tell Sarah that I was mad at her. Sarah already knew – even if I hadn't told Sarah she accepted my feelings, and she didn't take much appreciation when Allison tried to control Sarah with information I had already told her personally.

I was out in the field alone when we were at Sarah's ranch. I was picking wildflowers by myself. Allison came up to me, and she told me that Josh was in love with Sarah. This information should have meant nothing to me. It shouldn't have affected me. But somehow I felt punched in the face. Everyone seemed obsessed with Sarah. Whitney seemed obsessed with Sarah, Zack had flocked to Sarah, and now of course Josh was obsessed with her. I felt like every mutual person that Sarah and I both knew would have made excuses for every bad thing Sarah had done, and they would have dismissed the fact that she had betrayed me, would have dismissed me as a person, the pain I had endured, and even my personal growth, all because Sarah was gorgeous and funny and likeable. She was more marketable than me, even if Sarah was internally falling apart. Even if Sarah's character was flawed, even if Sarah was a terrible person. The fact that everyone I knew leaned in this direction, it was giving me this complex and at times I felt inferior and furious at everyone who didn't seem to care. Why hadn't anyone really stood up for me? Why was I inherently worth less than Sarah?

Sure, my mom seemed to care somewhat about what had happened  - enough to acknowledge Sarah was an idiot, but she didn't really care about anyone but herself, and my father might have sided with me if I had been dumb enough to let him know anything, but that didn't matter because he was more or less just a war monger who would have agreed with me in order to try to convince me to move back to Kendrick. I needed someone in my life who was actually on my side, who was there for me. Who would tell me my worth, and wouldn't make me feel less than Sarah. It was hard to wake up and go to work for instance and know that Sarah could get away being a really shitty friend and ruining my life. I was finding myself mad when she laughed with her coworkers at the hostess stand. I wanted everyone to know what Sarah had done. The fact that she kept it in like a secret made me feel even angrier. Sure, I could understand she wasn't proud of her behavior, but she still stood by it. She would probably have been uncomfortable had I told anyone myself. People should know what she had done. She was a fraud. I guess I can't help but look back and feel like I was being a bit like Jan from the Brady Bunch, in her jealousy of her sister Marcia. I recognize that something kind of ugly was growing in me against Sarah. It was part of the dynamics now, and to be fair, I really hadn't fallen into this unwisely. Life had thrown some pretty big wrenches from some odd angles. Sarah had ruined my life, and now I had to be proud and individualistic and aggressive about myself in a way I hadn't really needed to do before.

But for some reason, finding out that Josh was crazy about Sarah, it kind of hit me in the worst way – in a very special way, in a mysterious way that felt like acid to the face. Allison had simply told me because she knew. She'd just wanted to gossip and probably didn't know this would affect me this way. I didn't say much to her in return – I didn't let her see what I was feeling, but I felt sick to my stomach, the world was kind of spinning and suddenly I didn't really want to pick wildflowers anymore. I wanted to crumple up into a ball. On the car ride home, I thought about Josh. I wondered why it was hurting me so badly. It just seemed so cartoonish for him of all people to be obsessive of Sarah. Allison had told me that he thought she was the kindest creature on the planet for trying to fix Zack, that he was pretty much willing to give up his life for her. I wanted to scoff at it. After seven years of Whitney, he had found this new person to be in love with - it seemed a tremendous feet. Like Sarah had something irresistible, something magic to her. And compared to her, i was a common stone. In the back of my subconscious, I had to wonder if I would have been happier if I had discovered that Josh had fallen for me instead. But of course, why would it bother me so much if in my last dream, I had turned Josh down? What did I even want anymore?

PART 101 - https://tinyurl.com/yafyhse2

My Life Story in Chapters, PARTS 1-100 (this link below will lead you to a list of all the chapters i have written thus far). 

http://aleatoryalarmalligator.tumblr.com/post/168782771574/life-story-sections-1-100