#(probably toss it but it's not mine so i can't make that decision)

[altruistic-meme]

i napped. i have forgotten what is a normal time to go to sleep. i think it’s like 11-12 but now im not super tired.

[cordeliawhohung]

Real Talk.

Hi. I wish I had good news, but I don't. This is going to get very venty and probably triggering, so I apologize in advance, but I don't want to just vanish.

I've made the decision to private pretty much everything on my account here on tumblr, and I am heavily fighting the urge to delete everything off of my AO3. I realize that I'm sort of self destructing, in a way, and I'm trying very hard not to just toss everything into the void lest I come to regret it later, but here we are.

Things in my IRL have not been great, and they haven't been good for a long while. I started up this blog a little over a year ago at the crux of my depression, fighting off extreme suicidal ideation and untreated PTSD. On top of that, I had to support my mother through marrying her abuser and watching her slowly lose herself while I helped assisted in taking care of my kid brother, and helped my other brothers through their battles with addiction. Like everyone else in the world, I've had a lot on my plate. So much so to the point that my anxiety and stress is making me sick.

For the first time in a very long time, I had picked up writing again and found it to be a wonderful outlet to really get my feelings out in a safe way. It was so freeing being able to be in control of everything, and explore the very real and scary emotions that people have otherwise wanted me to snuff out. I wish I could snuff it out. I have had no choice but to feel everything I wish I could run away from, but at least this way I was the one dictating everything. Even through the pain and the last few months of pure disassociation, this was mine.

Now, I hate it. I hate it all. I can hardly stand looking at these stories or anything I write.

I am not going to share names; and please do not go looking for this person or harass them as I'd quite frankly rather kill myself than have another glimimp situation and would probably just actually delete all my works; but something that really kicked this up was someone plagiarizing one of my works. While not exactly copy and pasted, I could compare pretty much every line they wrote to my own work. I do not mind people taking inspiration from my works, but the fact someone took it upon themselves to essentially create a "fix-it-fic" of my work was honestly the last straw for me, I think. And to just regurgitate half of what I had written like some high schooler summarizing a story?

"Kore, did you try talking to them?" The idea of confrontation actually makes me want to throw up and considering the actual issues I have going on in my real life, I don't see how it's worth getting up in arms over fanfiction. Believe it or not, I'm not really good with words, and I end up making a fool of myself and coming off way different than I intend to half the time (blame the autism I guess). And I know for a fact that it won't change the fact that I still hate it. My works. Everything I write. I want it gone. I want to purge it.

I hate The Prowl and TMTIV. I can't see myself writing for them anymore. I've tried. I had to force out the last chapter of The Prowl only to just not even be able to edit it. (Yeah when that anon sent me that ask about The Prowl? "When are you updating it next?" I literally had the rough draft finished when they sent that and was trying to edit it, and now I don't even want to look at it anymore).

And this sucks because I really do enjoy sharing my stories with you guys, but it's just not fun anymore. And if it's not fun, then why do I keep doing it? And I feel bad, especially to my patreon supporters because I definitely didn't deserve the support when I started that up, and I certainly don't deserve it anymore, but I really need to step away. For a good, long while.

I don't like dealing in certainties, which is why I'm privating everything on here rather than deleting my blog, because maybe one day I'll come back and continue. But right now it's really not healthy for me. This place has grown to become so toxic. I think I'll start focusing on original works instead. Ones I may or may not post to Patreon just... depending, I guess. Writing is still so lovely and I don't want to lose it, but I certainly can't keep it here for now.

I want to apologize to my followers, and my mutals. I cherish every kind message you all have sent to me. I appreciate how considerate you all are, and I'm sorry I don't have the energy to respond half the time. I've deleted tumblr off of my phone, so to the mutuals who want to keep in contact with me, feel free to ask for my discord or something. I'll try to get on to check tumblr every now and then for that.

In the end, I really hope this is just me having some stupid mental breakdown, and that this isn't a forever goodbye, but we'll see.

I'll hopefully be back someday (: if not, I'm sorry and I still love you.

[shanastoryteller]

HAPPY HOLLYDAZE!! More Lady Mo if possible!!! ✨

a continuation of 52 53 54 55 56 57

"I believe," Lan Wangji says severely, "that what my wife does or does not do is no one's concern but mine."

Xuanyu raises an eyebrow at that, which he ignores. He knows exactly what she thinks about his concern regarding her actions. She'd been irritated that he was upset she faced fierce corpses alone, of all things.

Jin Zixun pales, but he must have a high opinion of his own importance because he says, "For fuck's sake, you're being ridiculous. A year ago no one would have cared if she drunk herself to death and now she can't even have a little wine?"

Lan Wangji does not make the conscious decision to unsheathe his blade, but there it is gleaming in his hand.

Jiang Yanli is being pushed back into her seat by her husband while her son stares wide eyed.

There's some intense shuffling from the Lan section. Although he doesn't turn around, he does hear Jingyi and Sizhui whispering furiously. He wonders who is restraining who.

Jiang Cheng is standing with a hand on his sword and no one is going to any effort to restrain him at all. Li Shuchun, the only one that might have a chance of it, is leaning back to exchange money with another Jiang disciple.

"This is quite enough!" Jin Guangshan shouts. "What's this about? Sect Leader Lan-"

"Oh, be quiet Father," Xuanyu says, getting to her feet and stepping forward to grab his hand and shove his hand down. "What's with you today, Wangji? Put that away." She's very close and glaring at him, so he resheathes his sword.

"Jin Xuanyu!" Jin Guangshan thunders.

She rolls her eyes, turning to Jin Zixun. She punches his shoulder, a move that he dodges instantly. Which leaves him wide open when she grabs his sword off his hip, tosses it to Jin Guangyao, and then drops to kick his legs out from under him.

She pushes down on his shoulder, keeping him on his knees, and says, "Wangji, dear, would you hold him for me?"

She called him dear.

He steps to grab Jin Zixun's wrists, keeping him in place.

"What are you doing?" he howls. "You can't just-"

"You wanted to drink, right?" she asks then picks up a wine bottle with one hand and pinches his nose shut with the other.

He opens his mouth and Xuanyu pours wine down his throat. He can either drink or drown.

"Come on," she says cheerfully, "don't you want to drink to another fruitful year? Have some more!"

He drinks until he's coughing and sputtering, eyes glassy. Everyone just watches, but then again who is there to say anything? Jin Zixuan is keeping himself firmly in his own seat and Jin Guangshan and Madame Jin are just staring, probably more interested in watching everyone else's reaction then anything else.

"There," she says once the bottle is empty. "Feeling better?"

"You're crazy," he coughs.

Xuanyu's grin widens. "I am the legitimate daughter of Sect Leader Jin. I am the wife of Hanguang Jun. What I am is someone who is above you. You're lucky I don't have you whipped for your impudence. Isn't he, Father?"

Jin Guangyao has never once made a fuss about his status, afraid that what was easily given could be easily taken. Xuanyu clearly is, because her own status can't be revoked without making a mockery of the Jin's treaty with the Lan, and Jin Guangshan either reaffirms her rights and privileges as his daughter or risks lowering the authority of the son he does favor - Jin Zixuan.

Lan Wangji is suddenly grateful that Xuanyu hadn't been interested in manipulating him to her benefit.

Jin Guangshan is nearly purple in rage, but he gets out through clenched teeth, "Yes, Xuanyu. Of course."

"Why has the music stopped?" she asks the hall, giving Lan Wangji a look. He lets go of Jin Zixun and can't help the curl of amusement when he falls flat on his face. "This is a banquet, after all!"

The music starts up again and conversation slowly starts once more as Jin Zixun stumbles from the hall. He doesn't want to leave her side, but she's seated by Jin Guangyao once more and chatting about the schedule for tomorrow. Jin Guangyao seems supremely relaxed, which Lan Wangji is given to believe that means he's laughing on the inside.

He sits down next to his brother, waiting for the scolding he rightfully deserves.

"Wangji," Xichen says seriously. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I love your wife."

He hides his smile behind his teacup.

[artist-of-dawn]

So High School

Chapter 2: "Tangerine? TANGERINE"

Next: "Holy arms"

Masterlist

a/n: fun facts apparently turned into confessionals and free rent living in each character's head

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"So? Whaddaya say?" Samu raises his head and asks with a little smirk.

"I say you better tell me why you look seconds away from plotting a murder. Most probably mine. Is this poisoned?" I gestured towards the last piece of strawberry mochi left on the plate.

"Ya ask that after the 7th piece?" I shrugged.

"It's really good. I say you should go for it." He nodded and left most probably to greet some customers while I fell deep in thought.

Nostalgia has been a lot more present in the last few days, and it got to me. I can't say that I miss home physically, but the warmth and radiance it brough. We've all made great memories here, but I cannot help but feel like something's missing.

I am usually not one to say I regret things I didn't do, it's a consolation price that I didn't make a fool of myself and the thought that I should be grateful for the choices I made still holds me together in some sense. But my resistance seems to slowly crumble at one tiny tiny question: if I did something-if one thing had been different, would everything be different today? Would my courage be rewarded with the warmth of a beating heart and a beaming smile, or would it be crushed by rotten delusion?

I pride myself by loving freely, but I have always been somewhat afraid of things that cross the borders of friendship, and I beileve that the only other thing that may best this fear is the slight ache for the warmth of feeling. But I'm turning 20 soon, should this be so hard? Should I still be afraid? I take a bite of the last mochi and make my way to change the music. I glance at the door and the restaurant is mostly empty. Perfect.

What could possibly fit better than "The 1" ?

°•I guess you never know, never know

And if you wanted me, you really should've showed

And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow

And it's alright now

But we were something, don't you think so?

Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool

And if my wishes came true

It would've been you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I guess you never know, never know

And it's another day waking up alone

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I, I, I persist and resist the temptation to ask you

If one thing had been different

Would everything be different today?•°

I rest my head on one of the counters, absorbing the meliodic melancholy of the song, up until I hear a voice simmilar to Samu's screaming from the restaurant.

"Oi! Cut off that depressive shit!" Shit. Atusmu's here.

It's not that I have anything against the guy, but he sucks a lot at flirting.

"Shaddap Tsumu!" Samu screamed back. Thank God. If that guy knew I was here, he'd never leave me alone until I left if he's in one of his macho moods. But before I could go back to fucking up Samu's playlist I heard a rich laugh.

"Come on Tsumu it was a nice song!" Even though the voice was slightly deeper I could never mistake it.

Now, I am not one to make any rash decisions, but....This is not my proudest moment. At least the brooms in the closet are pink.

Nope.

There is no way.

Last time I checked the dude was in Brazil trying out beach volleyball.

No fucking way I just saw red hair while bolting to the closet.

Nope.

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Fun facts:

- the movie night went well, everyone was in high spirits and the atmosphere was chaotically joyful, yachi was unable to stay till and squeacked every 5 minutes, tsukishima smiled a couple of times after receiving his little dino sketch from yn, shimizu and samu exchanged some recepies and koushi insisted on self care masks while watching the film.

-yn basically screeched while running towards the nearest closet and later wondered how in the hell no one heard her. Her breath was cut short when she realised who was on the other side of the wall.

-yn always refrained of romance because she was utterly afraid of it, of the rawness and wilderness. She liked stable, quiet and melodic. But everything changed once she got into karasuno high. She secretly wished he would say something, afraid that the shine in his eyes wasn't reserved for her and was a usuality for him. Yes. She wore his jersey and rooted for him. And he looked happy.

In case you wanna listen to the whole song:

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"I wanna find you in a crowd

Just to hide from you"

[charbeess]

hellooooooo I am here to return the favor with ✨my own questions about your Nya playlist✨

I've already saved it to my own Spotify - it looks like an absolute banger!!! I haven't had a chance for a full listen through, but I have given it a preview and I'm liking what I'm seeing so far. our of pure curiosity, I think the songs I want to know the most about are:

"Decode" by Paramore (I also love a good mid 2000s emo stereotype staple for Nya and I would love to know your rationale here)

"Girl With One Eye" by Florence + The Machine (I've heard this one suggested for a general Skybound reason before but I'd like to know what makes it a Nya song for you)

"Hold Me Like A Grudge" by Fall Out Boy (yes I know I've given this one to Nya on the OSSAS playlist but I'd love your spin on it lmao)

that's all I have for now!!!! I'll have to get around to a full listen sometime but for now: ask fodder!!!!

and so the enabled becomes the enabler!! this is actually very exciting, because you’ve chosen the songs that i have ON REPEAT !! so much to say, this may get long… i won’t keep you left in anticipation, let’s talk about it!

Decode, Paramore: so, already i want to agree with you and say this is the kinda song they’d toss in on those “songs this character would have on their playlist” tropes. i think paramore just fits her general vibe, could totally see her rocking out with hayley williams ( and honestly me too, girl. ) but !! as for the more DEEPER meanings, this song is fun because i’ve always seen it as a double - meaning. skybound, but also dragon’s rising.

for skybound; there’s specific lyrics that I HAVE to mention. think of it when it’s just the two of them, in the lighthouse; nya’s having that talk about her future and wanting her own choice:

“How can I decide what's right?

When you're clouding up my mind

I can't win your losing fight

All the time.”

it’s like she’s fighting her own thoughts, here. like how can she decide what she wants when everyone else is throwing things and plans in her mind and they aren’t her own to make and never were to begin with and she feels almost? defeated? not by actions, but by decision and will of thought. it’s supposed to be her life, so why isn’t she the one making decisions here? why is she losing against what she, herself, wants to decide? why is she being ripped of basic human right to plan her own future?

there’s also the bonus lyric in there of “Nor can I ever own what’s mine,” which is a lovely little tagline for the samurai x suit, and how she was forced to leave that behind for the role of the water ninja.

another little verse lyrics i’d like to add for the extra skybound credits:

“But you think that I can't see

What kind of man that you are

If you're a man at all.”

little bash to nadakhan, if i may. (i’d give any reason to throw songs in there that are a bash to him. staring at one song in specific in her playlist.)

as for this song fitting dragon’s rising, i think this song leans towards how jaya may end up. we, as the audience, know jay’s lost his memory; and from what i’ve watched so far ( without any spoilers because i have NOT watched that yet ) i already sense there’s gonna be a confrontation eventually. they’re building up to it! so, it’s moreso just the chorus verses &. the bridges. “How did we get here? When I used to know you so well?” that kinda fits the dragon’s rising POV of nya. i can’t explain too much because i don’t know what’s gonna happen to them, but i already get a general idea that it’s gonna be upsetting with nya’s vision in s2p1, and jay’s amnesia in general.

decode is super fun for its double meanings and honestly you could probably tear it out for another meaning, but i think this mostly sums up everything for this one!! onto the next choice!

Girl With One Eye, Florence and the Machines: I have also seen it fit under a skybound general reason and that’s!! part of why it’s added, but it’s not Everything. to me, we’re diving straight into nya’s anger and giving into her feminine rage. 

we’re talking early water ninja days feminine rage. i’ve always seen this song in her pov, but it’s her mocking her criticisers?? her haters?? her doubters?? it’s like, maybe to us listeners it’s potentially a liiiittle overexerted but to nya, it’s like putting yourself in her shoes and realising that honestly, she’s grown tired of the way she’s treated. and she’s grown to just stop caring and turn that hatred into general rage and using that to help her push forward. so, essentially it is just her Mocking the way people have treated her. she’s not accepting it, she’s just accepting that this Has happened, but she’s not letting it upset her any further. in fact, they help her channel her rage into her work!

i have no specific lyrics for this one. it is merely just the vibe for it, that fits her. the music being so heavy - on and just constantly gets heavier as the rage builds up and it’s like she’s bottling it all just to release it as pure Rage and honestly, nya deserves to be a little pissed at everything she’s had to deal with. however you could push it and toss the one lyric of “My reputation’s kinda clouded with dirt,” as a way of her seeing how people probably see her to be. remember, this is nya’s POV to how others see her. she doesn’t think that, but with all the labels that’s tossed onto her; they don’t see her as a ninja, this early into it. she’s gotta build a name for herself. could also toss the “I’ll cut your little heart out, because you made me cry,” for the general sense that she’s tired of the lack of empathy she gets whereas the others get the citizen’s full support, they cheer and hype the boys up and then she gets the latter of… well, nothing but questions unrelated to what she wants to be asked. they’d rather Be her then know about her.

in a sense you could say the skybound undertones are the rage, and potentially having that spark when she deals with nadakhan and then being lied to by jay, but overall, it’s just rage. it’s pent up rage in a song. i needed a song that could channel that enough that it literally MEANS “enough is enough.” nya’s had so much rage pent up during skybound, she’s lashing out that entire season (within good reason) and i wanted to give her a song that best demonstrates that rage and if anyone can do it? it’s florence and the machines.

i’m sure there’s other songs i can toss in here that establish that female rage but for right now, this one covers the majority.

Hold Me Like A Grudge, Fall Out Boy: i can’t lie, OSSAS was definitely the reasoning for this song. i heard it from OSSAS first before ever tossing it in here. but after listening to it repeatedly, i did pick out a couple moments from the song that generally fits the themes of skybound that i will definitely ramble about here.

there’s this one specific lyric that always catches my attention when the song plays: “I thought I knew better, I thought it would get better. I figured somehow by now, I would have got it together.” and ohhhh boy do i have much to say about this. because the way this could also be the aftermath of skybound, as well as current events?

it’s definitely an afterthought to me, nya’s procession of it all. i know it’s been so long now, but something like That will never fully leave the mind, no matter how desperate. you can repress it, you can work on it, you can learn to grow from it; but that stuff sticks. even if nya lost her memory temporarily in seabound. i refuse to believe she just Got Over It because, how do you? this was one of her starting points of being a ninja, this is how she was introduced into the role after being forced into it last season; and that’s how she has to remember it? she can’t say her first missions went great because her greatest achievement (destroying the preeminent) led to it’s sister realm being destroyed and bringing nadakhan to ninjago anyways. those lyrics in specific just feel like general trauma response because. you’d think in that time, the saying “time heals all wounds” would start to cave in by now. but it doesn’t. there’s always something that makes her wobble, makes her stumble. which i guess you could say follows my one previous post about nya and jay keeping their wounds even after the timeline’s been reversed.

i also just generally enjoy the “Part-time soulmate, full-time problem” lyric. like, that’s FUN to me. that’s funny, that’s totally something nya would totally feel during that whole fiesto, and how the general title of the song most likely fits her whole capture.

but yeah, to me this is an OSSAS song simply because. i’ve read it so many times i basically have it as my own little concept of what happened behind camera and if you haven’t read OSSAS yet, for the people reading this, i 100% recommend it.

i think this about sums everything up! got all my thoughts tossed onto page and i’m satisfied with my rambles. i hope you have fun listening when you do!! ive had this playlist for just under a year - ish and i’m always adding, editing and messing about with it so you’ll most likely see some new songs pop up, or old songs disappear for whatever reason.

thank you for stopping by and letting me ramble about music and character analysation ! this was actually super fun :3

[classicintp]

There is this whole idea that flipping a two sided coin doesn't have a 50-50 probability. It's not a new idea by any means, but the explanation is if you measured the mass of the coin, the force of the flip, the temperature of the coin & of the room, the force of any breeze, wind, or vibration in the air as it traveled, and so on, you could accurately determine within a small margin of error what side the coin will land on every time, and if you kept those constant it would flip on the same side every time. And that idea is also KIND OF the explanation for the conclusion in quantum physics that there is no free will.

A lot of people hear that and either clutch their pearls, roll their eyes, or aren't interested either way. (I mean, when you say some shit like that you're just going to immediately turn off any interest most people would have otherwise had but I'm digressing now). We all like to think we make decisions and choices, and then amateurs who want to talk about quantum mechanics alienate everyone by saying it's not true: you were always going to make these choices with no chance to make the other one.

But what I said in the first paragraph is something-like (but not exactly) what it means when you hear or read that according to quantum physics we have no free will. That if we had an unfathomable device that has been measuring all the variables of every single particle that was expelled during the Big Bang, with an also-sufficient/also-currently-unfathomable algorithm to plug those variables into, all within a computer that could do all of the calulations for BILLIONS of years, we could compute exactly where every particle was going and where it would end up, including those that make up the stars and planets, that make up the ground and oceans, that make up the animals and plants, that make up your brain and all of the proteins and neurotransmitters. That if it could all be measured and an algorithm sufficiently built then the decisions you make are already determined by the ongoing relationships and interactions the particles that make up your brain had in the past and are having right now.

However, humans cannot measure that, they likely never ever will.

Anyone that tells me they don't like quantum mechanics because something something affront to nature blah blah "they" don't believe in free will, etc. literally doesn't know it's just a rescale of the coin toss description. You still believe coin tosses are 50-50 because you aren't going to measure the variables used to receive an answer, you can still believe in free will because you can't measure the variables used to determine the ultimate path of all particles; I mean, I wouldn't become a theoretical physicist if that meant so much to you but I'm not your dad, do what you want.

Edit: I know I described the science mostly wrong, please check out the replies and reblogs for others' corrections and feel free to add corrections of your own for mine and others' learning, thank you.

[amoremagnificentbastard]

🐇📚🧩

hi hi hi i love you kissing you so much 💋 💋 💋

🐇 - do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both?

Original characters by a long shot. Reader inserts have to be kind of vague, but creating an original character means I get to dig into their psyche and learn how they think and also answer the menial questions about them that my brain spits out. For example: "hm, I have itty bitty little hands. Diana's hands are definitely larger than mine. Is it because her fingers are longer or because her palm is wider?"

The answer to that is that her fingers are longer, by the way.

📚 - what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?

Aside from typing this out in my notes app (yes, I type long Tumblr posts like this out in my notes app first), I have a very long note for keeping track of my in-game decisions during Diana's BG3 playthrough. This isn't the complete note, but it's the addition I made last night:

Z'rell goes for Diana's mind -- Diana's first thought is for her party, for Leilani, for -- Astarion. She needs to keep them all safe, but Astarion especially.

Z'rell: "My, my. Your lust for the neck-pricker is succulent - I'd like to take a bite out of him myself."

Diana's hackles rise. Her tadpole is unfortunately still active -- and a wave of amusement comes from Astarion's direction.

"She gave me everything I wanted."

"And what do you want exactly?"

"To take, to feel, and to kill. In a word - freedom."

Diana needs to know what they're up against. "That's a little abstract -- show me something real."

Z'rell kills the ogre behind her. Diana's eyes go wide, but Z'rell is too caught up in her bloodlust to notice.

🧩 - what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

Bad characterization, but that's probably a given for a lot of people, so I'll share two pet peeves I have when it comes to BG3 fanfiction -- well, Astarion fanfiction specifically, if I'm being so real. (To literally no one's surprise.)

First, a rather silly one. I can't stand an Astarion that says "Okay." If he's saying "Okay" all over the place that is the fastest and most surefire way to get me to click out of a fic. I can survive the occasional "okay" -- if I'm already ten chapters into a longfic and he tosses one out, I'm going to shudder, but I'll continue reading the fic if I'm already enjoying it and the characterization is good otherwise. But in most cases, thanks but no thanks.

And second, I don't enjoy an overly saccharine Astarion -- he has his moments, but so many people just write him as being so sweet all the time when he's not a sweet man. I was very worried about this being an issue in i'll peel my heart like a pomegranate because I don't have any other Diana/Astarion fic for people to read yet, so there's no character or relationship development for people to read and see "oh, okay, this is how he got here, that makes sense." I almost decided to just hold onto it and make it part of my longfic for that reason.

(But then the fandom was just so encouraging when I started posting snippets and I just got so excited that I went, "screw it, people don't have to read it if they don't want.")

Thank you again so so much for asking and giving me a chance to ramble!!! 💜💛

[lunasilvis]

I'm sure it's the final consequence of things accumilating over this past year and that's understandable, because yes - I am realizing now I have asked too much of you, took up more space than I should, and I'm sorry for appearing selfish - I will take some time to think over how my actions led to your reaction and will try to learn from that. Thank you. But if I may have room to say anything for myself through here: I wish you had communicated this to me sooner. Instead of through an unexpected blow-up, then raising a wall straight after where now my hands are tied and I can't react. Sorry, I apparently failed to read between the lines at times. Clear communication about your total and unchangeable romantic disinterest would had helped me get over this faster and in a much more effective way, honestly. Thank you for telling me now, my heart already feels calmer now that I know.

It's less visible, but know I have put in work too, through the years to show repent and help build a safe friendship. To come forward and offer explanation, but never expecting or desiring to rekindle. That'd be up to you, and then it became a choice we both made. I'm sorry for coming over in march, probably shouldn't had written to you then after, and I realize now I shouldn't had and let it go. But I thought I could discuss it and the aftermath without judgement. Please don't dismiss me, reduce me to something terrible in your head now that I'm not, and have absolutely worked so fucking hard for to outgrow and heal. If I still am that to you and it has made only minimal or fickle progress, then yes, we cannot be friends, because that is both your but also my old wound reverberating.

I'm sorry if that is your experience, but claiming I perceive you as a voodoo doll - when I have been so busy working through my feelings, and succeeding for the major part (sadly not always in the desired lineair motion, but regardless most of that has been worked through) is cold. I must have mistaken an anonymous text I received a week ago for yours, that's what I meant when I said I mistook some signals. Someone claiming to be you, and calling me 'yours'. That threw me off in a way, and was why I texted you last week. I'm mature and have sufficient self-respect not to transform any grain of platonic interaction into some supposedly misinterpreted romantic interest. But these words are not light in my eyes and I believe they shouldn't be cheap words one just tosses around, so it wrongly struck me as suggestive.

I'm sorry, but will grant you any time and space now. I don't think I deserve being left like this after your word blitzkrieg when I thought it was important to process something, but against our history I'll understand. I won't take up your time or reach out to you, won't search for contact, I respect your decision and I will adhere to your wish to stay away. But if any day in the future you somehow feel enough time has passed – know I'm willing to have an open chat, no expectations, and perhaps be your friend again if that's what is or feels right.

Thank you for everything, the lengths we've gone to keep a beautifully odd friendship. The lengths you've gone through, I never demanded any of your labor deliberately, but will always appreciate and think of you with a calm heart and good thoughts (as your friend, I have no concealed interests whatsoever and have never had them. I hope you do know I have adult decency and respect). I let you call for 3 hours because I care about you as a friend, I let you ventilate your heart because I wanted you to know you have someone who truly cares. Not for my own gain.

All the best and healing your way, as I will have mine too. I hope till someday again, whether that's as friends or just to have the chance to have an equal conversation and to properly talk this out, whether in summer or again in a decade. Whenever you're ready, but it's okay if that day won't come. I'm determined then to make peace with that for myself. I have enough love, patience and respect for you to not cross any lines and to stay in your past if that's truly where our friendship seems to belong for you. But may you ever feel safe enough and ready again, know I'm here.

[stormcrow513]

Tw for death and suicidal thoughts

Even more sure now that Bailey isn't going to make it much longer and I'm very very fucking familiar with dogs deaths, the youngest I was 4 and brother dog knocked up his sister, there were puppies most were born dead but two lived at first I was there when the one Raccoon died, his brother Socks died much later when I was a teenager and I was there for that death as well,

I've walked the death road so many times with all sorts of animals but none so much as dogs,

I know dogs so well I could probably make one,

One thing some people who've had dogs die mostly around 7,8,9 when dogs get into their teens they are basically a human in their 90s,

Their tough son of a bitches but any little thing they could once shurg off their so old now it's easier for it to kill em, they are running out of heads in a coin toss,

My last dog to go was in 2020 or 2021 can't think right now to fucking high and hurting to think dates,

So where we're at that February got a horrid cold, while it was warm inside it was cold outside below 0 we would have gladly let him pee on the floor, but he wouldn't he would strain and cry to hold it and go outside what else could we do? we let him out, then he started going down we had to carry him, then the night I knew he was going I sat on the floor with him til he took his last wheezing breaths,

And no we didn't take him to be put down the stress of the car ride he hated cars would have killed him rather he end wheezing at home with me loved the scared out of his mind,

Two options only and only you can decide

I don't need the trolley question because I've lived it enough to know you can only make the decision in the moment and you'll never be sure you were right after wheather anyone agrees with you or not,

So Bae my beautiful girl is 15 and she was absolutely going to make it to the end of the year then this mother fucker basically in my backyard the ONLY place I can let my dogs pee he dumps fucking pesticide all over on weeds he'd just hired someone to mow,

Now my babies dieing cause that shit has made everyone in my house sick,

It's okay for this guy to do this,

He can pour poison into my space as surely as if he were smoking tobacco or vaping in my living room small beings always hot hardest,

But people in some areas can't put a big metal dinosaur statue in their yard (real thing saw it in local Colorado news,

People can dump known acknowledged in court of law poison all over me and mine cause it's his house right in mine,

This is all right cause he's getting rid of weeds cause the fucking slow tape and murder of the land means it's okay to kill my baby girl my family I've had her as a puppy and it was love at first sight,

I kept poison out of this land for two months off six fucking years but some asshole who owned the land behind us that went to his house and was empty land, he didn't like my dad or other people here he bragged how he cut his land in three this guy who bought the house wanted the land with it to store cars which would have been perfect they were good neighbors, they guy refused then sold to Clayton home who at first was going to put one house in middle and then put two house there putting one right next to my fence,

The city council allowed this to happen everyone's sure they got slipped some money,

All this shit is a fucking ok, if I put a rainbow flag up here at my house my gun owning republican neighbors would likely shot me or or as has fucking happened to me throw rat poison into my backyard, hey look how we are right back to the star,

Poison in my yard dieing dog,

I'm so fucking tired right now guys so damned tried and I know myself now I know who I am in this time I am not going to ever kill myself once I thought it meant taking control over my life from my father and sister now I know that I wouldn't be winning I'd be losing,

That's just how I see it now for me not saying suicides have lost maybe for them in that moment they won their fight we can never know what they felt then, just like we can't determine what is winning and what is losing for another person,

But I know what it is for me, I can't go that way,

If this world wants me gone it's going to have to kill me itself,

But now there's no break to think I could rest I could close my eyes and be done I can make that choice,

I don't have that little comfort anymore,

And I no longer can take any breaks now, I am just being hot over an over increasingly so over the years

I can't take a break though every thing keeps telling me to,

I can't the second I stop to float something grabs my ankle and pulls me underneath,

I have to keep swimming or it's going to drown me,

It's why I'll never be able to be anything but a witch my need is so great magic is all I can turn to,

If I don't get myself out and pull ma up with me then it's all over,

I understand stand others experience otherwise but this is my experience

And I came to know it through abilities that came naturally to me,

But I'm just so tired and I feel like it's just pulling me down so hard I can't even try to swim I'm caught in a net right now,

And I'm sorry if some of you get oppset with me for writing this down,

I need it

And once I needed to read others messages like this

So to teenage me you are not alone

No matter what others are out there

Same and different

I love you I'm sorry you hurt cause I've hurt and it sucks and it's never ever fair

Edit also I am not typically the type to punch first I tend to let people hit me or someone I care about before I tap in, and even then I might think thwice before I swing,

So I won't tolerate being punched on this post

Therefore if you are rude to me on this post I will immediately block you unless I've talked to you enough to check you meant it badly, otherwise I'm blocking immediately if treated badly on this post

[the-chaotic-scilla-aster]

Immortal Contract

"You should be excited! You're practically immortal!" Calix insisted

"How?" I sighed

"Stupidity lasts forever." Calix snickered before going back to his book

I made one stupid decision while under the influence, and it's led to me waking up with a weird tattoo and a contract in Latin with my name on the line below some other name

"How come you didn't drag me out of the tattoo parlor? That could have probably saved me from this whole mess. " I groan while standing up and stretching.

He runs a hand through his white hair before setting his book down, "need I clarify that I am not the one who signed a contract with a God of old, Eris. I couldn't do anything, even if I wanted to. Also, you never left the bar. " Standing Calix holds out the roll of paper

"I can't read Latin. What am I supposed to do with this!?" I take the contract and toss it into my room, I'll find it later….maybe

"Not what I saw nor heard last night, you spoke it fluently and even read the contract outloud to the person." Calix grabs his keys, making way to the front door. "On that note, I have a coffee date with May in 20 minutes. Don't wanna be late, ciao idiota!"

"Stop calling me that!!! You're the idiota for not helping me!!" I yell at the door as if he'd hear me through it. Now isn't the time to let emotional turmoil take over.

There are so many questions and not a single answer, typical for me at this point. What did Calix mean by signing a contract with a God of old, though? Surely he's joking, right?

Picking the roll of paper off the floor of my room, I unroll it and read the name above mine.

Loki

"I fucked up worse than my mother with my childhood" I rub at my face and plop on my bed. Time to make a plan, need to get a general order on the million questions in my head, find THE God of Trickery and figure out if I can get out of this contract or what I'm supposed to do if not.

Would it be best to wait for Calix to get back? He's always bragging about being the brain of our duo….good idea

"But first, I'm taking a nap."

Even better idea!

A.M.Hopkins

(Scilla Aster)

[lexie-thurkear]

My mother's treatment

I left some things out for length in the previous post. Here's some of the things my mother and K have done over the years.

Mother the negative

Caught me out of bed past bedtime, petting the cat less than a foot from my door, proceeded to kick me in the crotch and than claimed she was aiming for my butt.

Threatened me with the police and CPS if mine and H's room was messy, saying I would be taken away and never see my family again.

Would wait until the room was almost clean and H was at her dad's before taking the toy box and dumping it all out and kick the toys around, saying I had til the end of the day to clean it all up and anything left out would be thrown away.

Blame me when things were misplaced, damaged, etc. Blame me when she'd be late due to traffic. Blame me for when H would break something regardless if I was around or not. Threatened to break my snowglobe from my aunt and uncle, her brother, after H and I accidentally broke H's snowglobe from them. H stopped her. Would take my things, ones with the most sentimental attachment, and put them in a garbage sack, threatening to throw them away. Would get angry if I left my room, even to use the bathroom across the hall. Would get mad at me if the house was a mess, as if it was my fault she never cleaned. Would force me to defend myself on every single decision I make, from school work to what I ate for breakfast. Would watch K bully me and H poke and prode me until I push H away before scolding me, I was the older sister, I should know better.

It got to the point that I learned how to walk silently, I now listen for footsteps when I'm just relaxing even in my own apartment, I get extremely anxious when there's shouting or when someone is getting mad, even if it's not directed at me in the slightest, to the point I have an anxiety attack. I constantly feel like I'm in trouble and being interrogated at nearly 30 yrs old. I am constantly on edge and feel as though someone is going to pull the rug out from under me now that things are going well.

Mother good

My mother was a good mom/bad mom type. I never knew which way she would go. One moment she'd be loving and attentive and the next, I would be afraid of her. I knew as long as there was someone around, she'd be nice to me, be a good mom, but once we were home, it was a coin toss on which mom I would get. We had a few good times but the dark outweighs the light. She would defend me from bullies at school, including one teacher who hated me for a reason I don't know and probably never will, but she'd allow K to hit and verbally hurt me without so much as a reprimand. It firmly showed me that I couldn't trust her. My father would fight to raise my self-esteem when he had his weekends but within an hour, my mother would have it back or even lower.

I made a promise to myself, if I was around mom, I would never leave my kids alone with her. Granted now I have decided to be childfree for a number of reasons, risking becoming like her is the top one. I don't want to hurt a child the way she hurt me. Especially given her mother, my maternal grandmother, was the same way with her.

I understand that that treatment was all my mother knew but that doesn't mean it excuses the trauma she inflicted. I still have nightmares of that house where I wake up in a cold sweat or sobbing. There's been times my fiance has held me and calmed me down from an attack. There's large chunks I can't remember due to developing maladaptive daydreaming to cope with the isolation, physical and emotional. most of what I can remember, that was real, is with my father.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Apparently I used to stare at my plate in anxious silence without eating all the time as a kid, and one day I turned to my mom after like 20minutes of this and just said "I need you to tell me what to eat first." My mom says she was so shocked that she just. Did? And according to ledgend I promptly dug into my dinner as instructed and happily ate everything on my plate.

After that we had "food rules" in the house.

Eat things on your plate in the order of increasing preference so that the last thing in your mouth is the best thing on your plate.

If you can't decide what to eat for a snack, make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of water, and try again in an hour if you're still hungry.

If you haven't eaten in at least five hours, eat a snack (this includes five asleep hours).

Sometimes down the line I would get mad about the food rules and mom would tell me the story again and remind me that they were only rules for when it felt hard to make my own decisions. If I was mad, that probably meant I had a different decision in mind and felt cut off from it. She reminded me that if I was cut off by the RULE than I could just do what I had decided. And if I was cut off by LOGISTICS than I could talk to her and she would solve the logistical issue for the future if not immediately, depending on the circumstances. This always felt very empowering and soothing!

Of course, given the impermanence of my brain, I was only out of the house for like 2 years before I promptly forgot about The Way of the Food Rules and had no one to remind me, and that got messy lol, I lost a LOT of weight VERY fast and was not well.

But then someone reminded me! And it's been nice to make my own food rules as an adult. I like to think of it as putting a floor under my executive functioning (both cognitive processes and physical capacity of execution). Even if I can make absolutely no decisions in the moment, I can Execute A Pre-Existing Plan, especially if it's one I have had to execute a lot. Very muscle-memory/autopilot vibes, you know?

So like. Now my food rules are as follows:

Eat once by 4pm and once by 11pm, doesn't matter when or what

If you can't decide what to eat, eat fruit and try again in an hour

Always eat at least one Protein and one Plant per day

Refill water bottle from fridge pitcher at least once per day and drink at least ½ bottle of water before bed

It works out pretty well! I also have a few "fuck it" meals which is what I like to call the meals I make when I pace around the kitchen getting more and more agitated about trying to eat something until I yell FUCK IT so loud the cats glare at me for waking them up, and then throw a few things in a bowl and the bowl into the microwave. Mostly it's my japchae (potato starch noodle in Korean food, inherently gluten free, holds marinades/flavors/texture well, tasty tasty) ramen. Toss a few noodle clumps into a bowl of freshly boiled water from the teakettle, crack in an egg, shake my ramen seasoning mix (couldn't tell you what's in it I literally buy a seasoning mix called "ramen spice" from my spice shop and it's great) in there along with my ramen broth flavor mix (tamari sauce mixed with chili oil), and then throw the bowl in the microwave for 90sec to poach the egg, and then just like. I go watch a show and let the bowl sit and steep covered while I do to "cool and blend the flavors" and then eventually I remember I have ramen and scarf it down.

Point is! If you know you are prone to just. Not being able to make decisions sometimes. See if you can Decide In Advance for some of the more consistently troublesome areas. If you need flexibility, you can even make either ors for the conditions that impact that like a little decision tree. I write mine down and keep them on me when I'm still internalizing them. For a while I wore a locket literally packed with scribbled notes about this stuff that I could check as needed. Great stuff. Makes you look unhinged in the most interesting way. Super relaxing to just Not Decide Things sometimes lol.

Also: get you a decision buddy. When either of you can't make a decision, hit each other up and give your buddy the run down. Circumstances. Decisions you're considering. Pros and cons. And then your buddy asks you "do you want permission to make a certain decision or do you want help prioritizing?" And you answer (because sometimes you just need someone to tell you it's okay to call out sick or to eat nothing but trail mix summer sausage and hunks of cheese you bit off a ½pound block of cheddar, or something else like that and that's valid <3. But sometimes you genuinely need help breaking down the weight of your pros and cons so that you're not just like gung ho marching into a sitution with lots of little pros and one literally unliveable con because you were like "everything carries equal value to me so let's go by number I guess!!!" because you forgot that actually sometimes the cons are REALLY FUCKING BAD or that a pro is actually literally the biggest deal ever. You know the brain that says that shit to you.) And then your decision buddy either helps you rank out your decisions, or gives you permission to make the one you want to make, and you both congratulate each other on a job well done and move on with your life. It helps if you both do this for each other so no one starts to feel like they are burdoning the other with this ask. It's also genuinely such a nice way to experience affection from a friend or partner or other loved one! It feels so good to be able to go to someone, present my lack of access to decision making, and know they understand what I am asking and will respond in a way I can work with. It's one of my favorite ways to be loved <3

It does mean a lot of communication tho, because you need to be really clear in advance about what you may need or benefit from and that can take some trial and error.

do you ever struggle with deciding what to eat due to adhd?? i enjoy cooking and i'm not a picky eater nor do i have sensitivities but i struggle so much deciding that i always end up eating cereal or donuts

"What do you want to do for dinner?" is a conversation that could easily start a massive fight in my family when I was a kid and is my least favorite conversation to have.

Fortunately (hah) I have so many food allergies that my options are pretty significantly limited so my decisions on food are all based on A) what I have in the house or could easily get, B) how tired I am, C) what I *can* eat, D) if we have the money for it.

My grocery shopping strategy is centered around these ideas, so to a certain extent I've pre-made those kinds of choices so our "we don't know what else to do for dinner" meals tend to default to eggs and toast, grilled cheese and tomato soup, or tofu and rice because that's the stuff we've got on-hand.

IDK. I'm not picky, it doesn't generally take me a lot of effort to make food, and my biggest ADHD issue is "i forgot to eat and now it's ten and we're too hungry to wait for a full meal to cook." Those are the days when I'll end up eating cereal for dinner or having an instant soup packet or something, but I try to avoid that because that tends to be a pretty expensive way to get food (so it costs less to make two meals of rice and tofu plus two meals of rice and eggs than it does to eat four packets of soup or a box of cereal).

Sometimes I wander around looking in the fridge and the pantry and on the counter then back to the fridge and don't find anything that I'm interested in eating - the "I want something but I don't know what I want" issue - but mostly my problem is "it has been eight hours since I woke up I should have breakfast oh SHIT i'm really hungry what can I eat *right now* okay yes i guess i will have ice cream for breakfast."

[getlostsquidward]

Heyy, can you do where Agatha feels insecure bcuz of her body and aging (maybe her girlfriend witch is in her twenties)? So Y/N makes sure Agatha knows that she is the most beautiful woman... Can you include smutt if it's okay with you, where y/n worships Agatha's body and eats her out until Agatha comes all over Y/N's face

you go down just like holy mary

pairing: agatha harkness x reader

a/n: a long overdue bottom agatha fic

summary: agatha finds herself in a downward spiral of doubts and insecurities, and it's in your hands to help her up.

warnings: 18+, smut, body image, insecurities, mirror sex, oral sex, fingering

Agatha Harkness takes pride in her charms, quick wit, decades worth of personality, experience, and wisdom. She is a formidable, self-assured, confident witch, who could kill anyone in a snap of a finger if she pleased, take power from the undeserving, and leave their rotting corpses without so much of a second thought.

She has an exquisite, captivating, and alluring physique, one that she’s weaponized for her hidden agendas, a femme fatale who knows what she wants and how she wants it.

“They're a lot younger than me, and my body… it isn't what it used to be. I've gone through a lot of things.”

But when insecurities crawled on her skin as she watched you being surrounded by these maidens, all younger and fairer than her (in her eyes), she can't help but spiral down the rabbit hole of doubts and insecurities.

“Are you sure you still want me? You can have anyone in the world,” she attempted to plead, to make you think twice about your decisions. But you are not having it, so you continue to peel her robes slowly, letting it pool at her feet.

“You say I can, but I don't want that. I have you. I only want you.” Wrapping your arms around her waist, carefully undoing her corset, and the rest of all her undergarments, all tossed somewhere around the room. 

Agatha closes her eyes as you kiss her once again, all soft and sweet and tender, all things she thinks she doesn't deserve, especially you. You pulled away, only to turn her body around, and there she was, her naked body reflecting back to her. She can't look, won't look at her figure, and instead focuses her eyes on yours.

You, on the other hand, do the opposite. Agatha sees your eyes trail down her body, and up, and down again as if you're looking at a map and commits every detail to memory.

Agatha watches you watch her with such love, lust, and adoration in your eyes. “I'm so lucky and so happy that you're mine,” you reminded, meeting her gaze in the mirror. “I want to show you just how thankful I am for that if you'll let me.”

As soon as she expresses her consent, a green smoke engulfed both figures and Agatha finds herself laid down on a soft mattress, with you hovering over her.

You straddle her middle, towering over her. Normally it would be you underneath, but both of you couldn't care less about the exchange. 

You took both her hands in yours, placing them on your chest. “Do you feel that? My heart only beats for you, Agatha Harkness. And you have such pretty hands. These stained fingers showed me I could be more, I could achieve more…and they're so…” you wiggled your eyebrows, implying how much you love them. You shared a laugh, leading you to your next compliment.

“The only thing more beautiful than seeing you orgasm is seeing you smile,” the brunette's cheeks flushed at the cheesy remark, her lower lip caught between her teeth. “And these two tiny dimples. So adorable—and how your eyes disappear when you smile so big—like that! It makes me swoon. You're so beautiful. I probably should check the thesaurus to find more synonyms of that word so it'll be ingrained in your mind and you won't ever forget.”

Agatha swallows down the lump in her throat, your words piercing through her.

“I know I like making fun of your wild hair, but I love the way they frame your gorgeous face. And then these eyes, god...I could stare at them forever.”

“These are only for you.”

“I know they do. So believe me when I say I could never imagine myself being with anyone but you.” She tucks away the hair falling on her face, a dopey and love-struck smile mirrored on each other's faces. “I absolutely love everything about you.”

Eyes already lidded with desire, Agatha pleaded. “Need you...”

“I know, Aggs. Let me take care of you.”

You like to think that you've done something incredibly good in your past life to deserve the love Agatha showers you with, and now, it's your turn to show her just how much she means to you, how much she deserves everything good that life has to offer, how much you love her—with every lick and stroke of your tongue on her skin, down to her core. She deserves all the pleasure, and you are determined to remind her of that.

With a snap of a finger, a mirror appears on the ceiling. Agatha tilts her head in confusion.

“I need you to look at your reflection, sweetheart. Don't close your eyes, don't look away.”

“But I want to see you—”

“No can do, mommy. I need those eyes locked on the mirror while I do my business, okay?”

She bit her lip as she continued to look at you for a while, and then nodded.

“Good girl.” And as a reward, you inserted two fingers in her hole, her slick making it easy to slip in. You've barely even started and Agatha could already feel the knot under her belly tightening with how your fingers curl, twist, and thrust into her special spot the way you know so deftly.

Agatha looks at the way her body reacts to how you bring pleasure to her, her hair ruffled from all the constant squirming, her chest heaving as she pants, how your other hand pulls and twists at her nipples, her back arching every time you kisses her clit and flicks your tongue against it.

“Yes, right there, baby…don't stop”

“Oh you feel so good”

Muffled moans reach your ears as Agatha reaches her climax, letting both of her thighs trap you in your position. You don't wait for her to cool down, instead replacing your fingers with tongue, your hands pressing onto her thighs to hold her down.

“Mmm. Nectar of the gods,” you moan against her cunt, her sensitivity causing her hips to writhe against your grasp.

“Can't baby…”

“I heard you say ‘don't stop,’ mommy. I'm just being an obedient girl for you, it's what you deserve for being so good and perfect.”

Agatha longs to touch you, hold you, so she attempts to grab at your hair and just hold your face close to her cunt—but she hesitates and pats your head. You reach out and lace your fingers with hers, giving it a squeeze.

It's okay. You're doing so well.

She breathes heavily as you suckle at her painfully sensitive clit, eyes fluttering shut but a smack on her thigh made her open them forcefully. Eyes up, eyes on her only, as you instructed—but she couldn't help but steal glances at the way your face is settled so deep between her thighs, making her core burn furiously. 

You have a choice to be with another maiden in the springtime of their life yet you continuously choose to be with her—a woman who's past her prime, worn by time, but you look past these things and love her the way she is. Her gratefulness extends beyond words.

Agatha cums again with a cry of your name, her body shuddering with bliss. 

You didn't let go of her until hours later, your face thoroughly soaked by her cum. Soft murmurs of “I love you's” and words of affirmation resonate between tangled limbs and warm skin. 

Agatha sits up, and motions for you to sit on her lap. She immediately sought your lips, arms wrapping around pulling you impossibly closer to her front. One of them sneaks down into your core, two fingers swiping your slick. “You're drenched, hon. You cum untouched, didn't you?”

“Impossible not to when you looked and sounded so gorgeous under— me,” a groan escaped your lips as you buck your hips, trying to seek relief in her ink-stained fingers.

“Is your oral fixation sated, bunny? Do you still want something in your mouth? I got an idea.” Her eyes went darker than before—the hint of sadness and vulnerability has gone, and you know all too well what that means. She's back. You've had your fun ordering her around, but now it's time to show you who the real boss is.

You gulped, not entirely sure what was on her mind, but you're down to it either way and there's nothing else you'd rather do. “Aren't you tired?”

“Oh, I'm tired alright, you did such a good job,” Agatha says with a dash of softness in her otherwise sultry voice, along with a gentle, delicate smile. A silent thanks. “But we're just getting started. Open up, buttercup. Gotta prepare your throat for my cock.”

—

tags: @ilovehotactresses @midnight-lestrange @our-blood-is-our-ink @minszhuo @tr333sus @shayzulia @apricxtt @pianogirl2121 @thenazwife @poetsdeadxo @p-nymph @wandakink @phattypoobutt @starrknessblog @gmtsu @inlovewithagathaharkness80

[miyasmagnolias]

𝐣𝐨𝐛 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 ⌨

kenma kozume x f!reader

editing video tutorials for a urinalysis company wasn't exactly your dream job. luckily, your former coworker has a solution involving a certain youtube sensation.

"The background music feels a little…corporate, don't you think?" your supervisor asked, clicking the space bar to pause the video. Your desktop screen froze on the image of a lab technician placing a dipstick into a cup of urine, and — though you'd eaten lunch at your desk several times before — your appetite was suddenly gone.

"It's a tutorial for an at-home urinalysis test kit," you said matter-of-factly, pushing your blue-light glasses to rest on the crown of your head. "It doesn't exactly call for an award-winning soundtrack."

"I know, but we want our customers to really feel as though our test kits are an experience — something they can't get from any other place on Earth!"

Your supervisor talked about urinalysis test kits like most people did a trip to Disney World. With a sigh, you said, "I guess I could toss in some lo-fi music. That's trendy nowadays, right?"

"Now that's what I'm talking about," your supervisor said, standing from your desk chair and giving you a big thumbs-up. "Keep making creative decisions like that, Y/N, and you'll be promoted to senior videographer in no time!"

"Wow," Kuroo drawled when you later told him about the positively glowing feedback you'd received. He took a swig of his beer and gave you that classic, shit-eating grin before saying, "I guess you could say urine the big leagues now, huh?"

"Don't mock me," you said miserably, raising your empty glass towards the bartender for a refill. "When I left my videography internship at the JVA, I really thought I was going on to do bigger, better things. Instead, I'm writing captions on how to pee in a cup and color-correcting b-roll footage of urine samples. Did you know that pee could be amber? My pee has never been that dark!"

Eyes trained on the little beer he had left, Kuroo made a face and gently set his glass down on the bar top. "So it isn't the job of your dreams. That's okay. You'll use it to get a leg up somewhere else!"

"Easy for you to say. Your department loves you. They'll probably have you running meetings before the end of the year."

A valued employee of the Japan Volleyball Association, Kuroo had essentially turned his economy supply services internship into a full-time job within months of being recruited. You'd met him on a commercial video shoot featuring several of Japan's leading volleyball players — many of whom Kuroo had contacted personally to partake in the project. His passion for volleyball and unprecedented networking skills made him instantly likeable among the higher-ups, and though you were interning for different departments at the time, you became friends within a matter of minutes.

"How do you know all of these people?" you asked Kuroo the day of the shoot, still in awe from the handshake you'd just exchanged with Hinata Shoyo from the MSBY Black Jackals.

"Who — Chibi-chan?" Kuroo asked, jutting his chin towards the athlete who'd ambled over to the craft services table. "I played him back in high school."

You wondered what other kinds of insane connections Kuroo had. Knowing him, he probably had the Prime Minister on speed-dial.

"Speaking of meetings," Kuroo started, plucking a wasabi octopus off of the plate sitting in between you. "I want you to schedule coffee with a friend of mine sometime next week."

"Oh, no," you said behind a mouthful of food, raising a finger towards your former coworker in protest. "Look, I know you've been trying to set me up with your high school best friend for forever now — but I've told you, I don't need any romantic charity."

"Don't worry, I'm not trying to set you up on a blind date with Kenma," Kuroo chuckled. His words did nothing to erase the growing suspicion on your face. "My friend Kodzuken is looking for a full-time video editor for his YouTube channel, and I thought I'd put in a good word for you."

"Kodzuken?" you asked, nearly choking on your octopus. You'd never personally watched any of his YouTube videos or Twitch streams, but you always saw his screen name pop up on the top of the Twitter trending page. "You want me to become a full-time video editor for a wealthy influencer?"

"I wouldn't call him an wealthy influencer — that's like, the least interesting part of his personality," Kuroo said. "He's been swamped doing all of the video editing by himself, and I remembered the videos you made while we were both JVA interns. I think you could do it."

"God..." you breathed, looking your former coworker and friend in the eye. You could tell he had something mischievous up his sleeve the moment you sat down for dinner. "How are you even friends with someone who has that many followers on social media?"

Kuroo merely shrugged as he raised his glass to his lips. "We went to high school together."

"Of course you did."

"So, you'll do it?"

"...I don't know," you said truthfully, wringing your fingers in a nervous twitch. Ever since graduating college and starting your full-time job, you had trouble keeping up with what was popular nowadays. Sure, you enjoyed decorating your Animal Crossing island on the weekends and sneaking in quests on Gensin Impact during your lunch break. But editing for a YouTube channel with millions of followers? How did you know that your editing style wasn't completely out of touch with what Kodzuken was looking for? Wouldn't he prefer one of his avid followers edit his videos instead?

Upon seeing the doubt clouding your expression, Kuroo said, "Trust me, it's better that you're not a fan. If anything, it'll make things more organic between the two of you."

"I suppose," you mused, plucking the last of the wasabi octopus from the plate and popping it into your mouth. "You really think I could impress someone like him?"

Something glimmered in those eyes of his, but all Kuroo said was, "You better. Unless you want to edit urinalysis videos for the rest of your life."

Kuroo's words resounded in your brain as you sat at the coffee shop just down the block of your office the following week, adjusting the skirt of your lucky interview outfit and watching the door in an anxious anticipation. You'd taken the past few days to spruce up your creative portfolio and binge watch Kodzuken's YouTube videos, hours of Twitch stream highlights, trendy challenges, and meme reviews swimming in your brain.

He edited all of this himself? you'd thought in disbelief. No wonder he was in need of an editor; the man must've been burnt out.

The door jingled not a moment later, and you lifted your head to see Kodzuken pushing his two-toned hair back with a pair of sunglasses, perching them on the crown of his head before scanning the café and meeting your eye. He donned a hoodie and sweatpants as he did for most of his videos — and though you'd watched him through your computer screen for the past week, there was something inherently different about seeing him in the flesh. There was something softer about his demeanor. More approachable.

"Kodzuken? Hi! I'm Y/N — it's so nice to finally meet you," you said by way of greeting, extending your hand out as he approached. An easygoing, if not slightly confused smile bloomed across his features upon hearing your name.

"Nice to finally meet you, too," he said, an amused breath escaping his lips as he shook your hand. "Though, I find it a little embarrassing when people call me that in real life. My actual name is Kenma. Kenma Kozume."

You froze, your hand still intertwined in his as the syllables rolled off of his tongue and into the space between you. You tilted your head slightly as the puzzle pieces clicked into place. Kenma.

Kenma Kozume.

The same man Kuroo had been trying to set you up with for ages.

Realization dawned on both of your faces as you exclaimed, "Wait — you're Kuroo's best friend from high school?"

"You're the JVA co-worker he keeps telling me about?" Kenma volleyed back in response. You both became acutely aware of the fact that you were still holding hands. Pulling back, Kenma rubbed the back of his neck, hints of pink beginning to color his cheeks as he said, "Ah, I'm sorry about this. I had no idea. When Kuroo told me I had an interview scheduled for a potential video editor, I didn't think it'd be..."

He trailed off, the sight of you in your pencil skirt and blouse making his face go from pink to red a whole lot faster. Kuroo was right; you were pretty.

Meanwhile, your thoughts were racing a mile per minute as you tried to recontextualize the entire person that was Kenma Kozume. When Kuroo first proposed the idea of going on a blind date with his best friend, you'd brushed off the idea without a second thought. But now that you'd actually seen him — what with his nervous smile and tired eyes and perfectly placed set of dimples...

Kuroo's words sprung forth from your memory. "I wouldn't call him a wealthy influencer — that's like, the least interesting part of his personality."

You suddenly realized that you had been staring at Kenma for far longer than necessary. Eyes retreating to the floor, you tucked a strand of hair behind you ear and muttered, "I am so going to kill Kuroo for this."

"You and me both," Kenma chuckled in response. He jerked his thumb towards the counter of the coffee shop. "Would you maybe want to plot our revenge over a cup of coffee? We can look over your video portfolio while we're at it."

Grateful for the change of pace, you both ordered your drinks and settled into a booth in the back corner, passing your iPad back and forth as you showed Kenma the videos you'd produced for your college thesis and JVA internship. You found him laughing at the informal interviews you'd edited for the MSBY Black Jackals, and you explained how certain editing choices could be used to enhance the comedic effect of a joke — a zoom-in here, a green-screen effect there.

"You can even use graphic overlays and keyframing to — " you stopped short, suddenly realizing how much you'd been talking. Kenma merely listened to you from across the table, a small smile having formed at the corners of his lips as you said, "I'm rambling too much, aren't I?"

"Not at all," Kenma replied in earnest. "It sounds like you really enjoy what you do."

"I do," you reassured him, glancing down into your coffee cup. "I currently make tutorials for a healthcare diagnostic company — which basically means I edit videos explaining all the ways you can pee on a stick. It's a stable job, and it pays well, but..."

"It's not exactly your passion?" Kenma answered. You nodded amusedly. "That's kinda how I feel about editing in general. I mean, I love streaming and filming videos, but editing has never been my strong suit. Plus, I don't like staring at my face for hours on end."

"Well, that wouldn't be a problem for me," you answered quickly, a blush creeping onto your face as soon as you realized what you had just said. "I just meant that, you know, since — "

"It's okay," Kenma said, the humored expression in his eyes enough make your face grow even warmer. "I mean, I would hope you'd prefer to look at me over some fake pee on a stick." His brow suddenly furrowed in distaste. "It is fake pee, right?"

His question caught you so off-guard, you began to laugh — Kenma's smile only deepening as you did so. And when you both settled into a comfortable silence, he lifted his coffee cup to his lips and asked:

"So, when can you start?"

Your jaw went slack at how forward he was. No call-backs? No grueling technical rounds? Was he absolutely sure about this?

"I-I mean, as soon as you'd like me to," you responded, straightening your back and folding your hands across the table. "Do you have a video project in mind?"

"Well, I already finished editing this week's video, and I was planning on filming an unboxing video this week..." Kenma set his empty coffee cup on its saucer and scrunched his face in thought. "But since we both intend to get back at a certain mutual friend of ours, I think I have a better idea."

Two weeks later, Kuroo received a notification from you with a link to Kodzuken's newest YouTube video. Titled "Best Friend Destroyed by Fire Noodle Challenge," the thumbnail featured Kuroo sporting a swollen tongue and bloodshot eyes while Kenma sat next to him, completely unbothered. Below the video, a text message appeared:

Payback for the set-up — and a thank-you for the new job.

Kuroo burst into laughter.

©miyasmagnolias, 2022

[wasabito]

hate to love you | dabi x reader

18+, minors dni please! 

wordcount: 2.4k

tags: smut, rough(ish) sex, fingering, slight choking, Dabi’s lowkey manipulative

synopsis: did your traitorous heart make the stupid decision to fall in love with him again, or had you always been his to keep?

“You seriously can’t keep coming here whenever you feel like it, Dabi,” you whisper while scrubbing at your weary eyelids, “If someone sees you, you’re gonna get me in a lot of trouble.”

A true statement and yet it takes no further prodding or convincing at all for you to crack open your window at three in the morning, and allow your ex to clamber through the fire escape. There are sirens blaring in the distance; the high-pitched wailing of fire trucks are a familiar sound, especially in this part of the city. You’ve told yourself that intrusions like these are exactly what you deserve for not cutting him off like the cancerous leech that he is.

Willpower alone can’t keep you from wrinkling your nose, considering how his clothes smell of ash under a faint layer of nicotine. It tells a far better story of his recent crime than anything he could ever say out of his mouth. These days you don’t bother asking. There isn't much of a point in doing so when all you are sure to receive is another sugar-coated lie.

“Don’t be like that, doll face,” he smirks. “I’ve gotta lot more tact than you’re giving me credit for. ”

Terrible, you think. And shameless too. Yes, Dabi is undoubtedly these things, but for all of his depravity and lack of care, you still can’t find it in yourself to turn him away.

He cracks a little smile at you, like he’s read your very thoughts. “What? You don’t trust me anymore?”

You don’t respond, and simply climb back into bed, pointedly ignoring the dark stain of blood on his coat. He may have your heart, but your trust is something you vow to never let him have again. With classes resuming for the semester, you are far too preoccupied with internships and scholarship applications to entertain an ex-boyfriend slash wanted criminal, especially one recently associated with The League of Villains.

It had been different back when he was just some nameless petty criminal, but these days his face was plastered all over the news. That wasn’t the kind of person you ever foresaw yourself getting involved with and yet here you are.

You hear the rustling of clothes and figure he’s probably going to steal one of your oversized hoodies again, all the while leaving his bunched up coat in the laundry bin for you to take care of later. It would give him all the more reason to return to your apartment under false pretenses.

Over the past few months you’ve learned to anticipate his tricks, it’s the only way you can keep yourself from living the rest of your days behind bars. Aiding and abetting is what this is… if you were to ever be caught, you’d have to say he forced you. That you had no choice. That you feared for your life.

“You seriously mad at me or what?” He drawls. The thud of his heavy boots echo through the room, but a quick glance over your shoulder tells you that he’s merely taken them off. Dabi pins you with a stare, brows quirked like he’s genuinely confused, if not mildly annoyed, but that doesn’t shake you. You only freeze when you feel the mattress dip under the weight of his knee.

The warmth of his breath ghosts your cheek as he says, “Scoot over.”

Is he serious right now? Why should you let him back into your bed after all he’s put you through?

“No.” you turn away, “Just take whatever it is you need and leave.”

There is silence for a few seconds but you know he hasn’t moved yet, not even an inch.

“C’mon, angel,” he pokes your side playfully, gazing unwaveringly at you from under his hooded eyelids. “I’ll be out of your hair before you even wake up.”

Chewing your lip, you heave out a sigh, and shift forward to make enough room for him to join you. No matter what you’ve said in the past, he’s always been the one in control. You feel like such an idiot, merely posturing while Dabi holds the reins.

He slides in behind you, pressing his body against yours; his arms looping around your waist in a way that is so familiar a pleasant hum nearly falls from your lips. You realize belatedly that he’s shirtless and the fabric of your tank top is far too thin to block the feel of hard sinew and muscle pressed so nicely against your back. Your shaky resolve crumbles to ruin in the presence of his blue flames.

Dabi continues to chat you up, regardless of your lack of response. You’re surprised. He isn’t usually so talkative, but apparently outmaneuvering the cops and getting away scot-free has a way of raising one's spirits.

Your body is slotted against his like a puzzle piece, like you are made for one another. Mid conversation his warm hands palm the fleshy skin of your stomach, giving you a soft caress. So caught up in the feel of it, you almost miss his next words.

“—missed you.”

Your thoughts stutter. For the briefest of moments, you think the words have come from you, but they surely haven’t.

Dabi presses a light kiss to your neck, as if to show that he means it—that in the month spent apart, he had missed you more than anything. And you can't help but shiver; you blame the staples on his chin that are cold in contrast to the heat from his mouth.

His kisses become firmer, and more intentional as he lures you into a feeling of contentment. Your body remembers him oh so well—and it wants what it clearly shouldn’t have.

“We aren’t together anymore, Dabi,” you rasp, “We shouldn’t even be doing this.”

And why not, a tiny voice chimes in the back of your head.

There are several, logically sound, and pragmatic reasons as to why you shouldn’t let Dabi fuck you into next week. It’s a shame, really, you’re far too tired, far too bewitched by this man to really sum up the effort to name them. Not even for your own sake.

“Just a quickie,” he mutters, lips brushing the shell of your ear. One of Dabi’s hands dip between your thighs and he knows he’s won when you part them without thought.

He squeezes the fat of your thigh like he’s done so many times in the past, fingers digging deliciously into your skin. “Mine.”

His fingers encourage you to loosen up a little, as he grinds his clothed dick against your ass.

The trail of kisses start from your shoulder and lead up to your jaw. All the while, Dabi keeps his other arm around your waist to hold you close. He sinks blunt teeth into the crook of your neck, licking languidly at the crescent shape left behind. He continues to nip and suck on the skin there until your heady moans leave you breathless and whiny. But none of it is enough to get your attention off the way he prods you with his index and middle finger through your shorts.

“You sound so sexy, baby.” he chuckles, “You gonna make more of those pretty sounds for me, hm?”

You don’t have an answer, simply put, you can’t think of anything else right now, other than the hand slipping past your panties, rubbing slow circles against the hood of your clit.

“Da-Dabi, please... more,”

At the sound of your wanton voice, Dabi sinks two fingers into you, thrusting his long digits, and coaxing you until you’ve soaked them with your juices. In response, you grind down against his hand, thighs clenching. He hits you with a series of slow pumps each time his wrists twist. You reach forward and grip his hand, wanting nothing more but for him to curl his fingers and hit the sweet spot.

“I know, babe, I know.” He murmurs, kissing your neck, but instead of continuing, Dabi pulls out you. He shifts until he’s quite literally looming over your form.

Though the room is mostly dark, the street lamp outside your window casts a slant beam of orange light into the bedroom. It’s more than enough for you to see Dabi’s grin, and the way his lips pull back to reveal a row of perfect teeth.

He’s handsome, even with the scars, and damaged skin. You could even argue that Dabi is increasingly more handsome because of them.

“You’re lookin’ at me pretty funny,” he says while straddling your hips. “Got something to say?”

You’ve been more silent than usual during this entire exchange, barely saying more than a few whispered pleas for more, but the heat in your belly grows. Heart pounding and tongue dry, you somehow manage to maintain eye contact.

Dabi was your first. The first person to make you feel wanted and alive. The first to bring you to the precipice of mind-boggling pleasure until you were quite literally seeing stars. It’s true that he was an asshole, and it’s true that this new route he’s taken scares you more than anything. But when you look at him, your heart insists that this is still the same man you had fallen for.

“Handsome.” You mumble, averting your eyes. “I was just thinking… about how handsome you are.”

At that admission, you take his fingers, the same he’d just fingered you with, into your mouth and swirl your tongue around it, sucking lightly. Dabi shudders. His blue eyes seem to glow with want and... something else that you can’t describe, but it’s tender and unguarded.

Dabi pulls his fingers from your mouth, replacing them his own. His lips shift against yours, tongue prodding until you open up. Looping your arms around his neck, you pull him flush against your chest, dragging him into your orbit. You aren’t certain when he had become the very moon on its axis, keeping the tides and seasons of your earth in perfect rhythm, but you do know that the emptiness you feel without him isn’t normal.

Fumbling hands follow the shirking of jeans. At some point your thin little top is pulled off and tossed into a corner. And soon enough, he’s pressing himself into you. The tip of his cock is just barely past your folds before you’re taking him in.

“Fuck!” Dabi braces a hand on your pillow. The other rests on your throat with a slight pressure, enough to make your walls clench around him.

It’s been a while for your ex; you can tell by the way he keeps his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. It shouldn’t surprise you, but it does anyway, because you’d thought he would have moved on to someone else by now.

Dabi’s brows are pinched, and he’s being rougher than usual, still you get the sense that he’s savoring this. Like it’s his last meal. Like he may not ever get a chance like this again. It’s ridiculous for you to lament the final nail in the coffin of your relationship with Dabi, especially considering all the shit he’s caught up in now.

But, unfortunately, your heart operates on a separate plane from the rest of you.

It wants what it wants.

His hips snap forward, knocking into yours in a rapid pace that has tension knotting in your gut. You wrap your legs around his hips, high off the feeling of him so deep in you. The drag of his cock in your pussy has your toes curling. The pleasure is so much you can barely think. His groans and your choked back whimpers fill the room. You even attempt to bite into the back of your hand, just to keep them at bay, but Dabi isn’t having any of that.

“Don’t you dare hold back. I wanna hear you tell me how good I make you feel.”

The look in his eyes is so fervent and heated and feral, it sends a shock of pleasure straight to your core. Your thighs are coated in your own slick enough for him to slip in and out with ease. He smirks, licking his thumb and pressing it against your clit, eager to get you off. Your hips jerk in response to the way he’s rubbing and fucking you all at once.

“Dabi,” you cry out. “Yes!”

Sweat licks at your brow causing the little fine hairs around your hairline to stick to your skin.

Dabi presses his face right into your neck, and with each throaty groan that escapes his lips, you feel your gut twist with yearning. You reach up and grip his hair, causing him to groan even louder as he fucks you into oblivion.

“You feel so fucking good, angel, goddamn you’re gripping me so damn tight, fuck—” his babbling continues and you know he’s getting close. Dabi knows it too, so he slows down enough for him to reach around his back and grasp your ankles from around his waist. “You want me to fuck you harder? Hm?”

“Please—I want you so bad.”  You’re almost there, you just need a little bit more. Hearing you say those words makes Dabi chuckle.

He parts your thighs as far they can go, pinning them to the mattress. You hadn't thought it possible, but in this new position he sheathes himself even deeper than before, so much so, that your pussy milks him for all he has, walls spasming uncontrollably around his cock. The cry that falls from your mouth is smothered by a pair of lips.

Your orgasm hits you like a freight train and soon Dabi’s hips are stuttering against your own. He pulls out quickly, cumming all over your stomach, with a growl and a stroke of his hand.

For a moment the room is silent, save for your harsh breathing. Dabi collapses at your side, all fucked out and sweaty. His eyes never leave yours, even as he battles with fatigue.

As for you, the ache between your legs is a pleasant one you don’t bother complaining about as you clean yourself in the bathroom.

Upon return, you find that Dabi is sitting up in bed with a contemplative look on his face. You don’t ask what he’s thinking, instead you pull him into your arms and allow his head to rest against your chest.

If this is your last official night together, you’d rather spend it in his arms than alone.

🖤

[unma]

This reply's gonna be long so I'm gonna make it in the form of a reblog @spark-circuit

this is a discord server for a close friend group of mine (we know each other irl and stuff) so I can't just leave since this is my only point of contact with most of these people.

I'm also an admin so I could just ban him, but that's kinda rude and would probably be vetoed by the others. The other active admin (Abyss, good friend of mine, and I've mentioned him a few times on here) also agrees with me but his response after a while has been to just give up on arguing with him (good for him, really, the better choice) and the server owner's never really around for these arguments so he's almost certainly not going to be supportive of banning him. Regardless, I'm almost certain I'd just get told to block or ignore him. Despite it all, he is a friend, and most of us here are against just tossing him out for disagreeing with him. So am I, but I'm conflicted on it.

I probably should just say no tolerance and ban him. Tolerance for intolerance is a horrible idea. But I am deathly terrified of taking such strong and final decisions and it is simply much easier to ignore him. But then seeing him say shit like this would frustrate me to no end. This argument started over an issue I have confronting him over, and one so minor it's basically not worth mentioning here. Hell, I was in the wrong there because I insulted him because I mistook someone else for him. But then the argument continued and...

Honestly, the argument didn't make me angry with him or hate him. Far from it. I've come to understand that getting angry over people being unreasonable just makes it harder to be reasonable yourself. But then he said some things he shouldn't have. I might explain what he said later, but just know it's personal and everyone on the server knows better than to say it. (Think making light of abuse bad and blaming me for my reaction to it).

As I write this, he's apologized for that and the argument has ended, somewhat. I have no interest in keeping it up and would rather just do other things, but idk. Never had a close friend act like this before. My friends and I argue a lot, but we're never so unreasonable with each other.

Frankly, the truth is If I was any more observant I would've seen this coming from a mile away. I continue to expect the best from others and constantly get disappointed. Shame on me for being so optimistic. I just expected better from a friend.

Chat I am so fucking close rn.