#(or honest i supposs)

[coldalbion]

On Unconscious Bias and Communication Congruency

So here's a thing: sometimes when we think we're being congruent in our communication styles, we're not actually doing so.

Suppose there's a political, social or other realworld issue we talk about that gets massive pushback when we mention it, and we can't work out why. Our point seems sensible to us, people generally often agree with us about other things, but on this one issue, we constantly butt heads with friends, strangers on the internet, or whover.

Now, suppossing we're not ENTIRELY incapable of self analysis, or entirely wrong about the issue, we might wonder why in all the hells we're getting this reaction. They can't *all* have the same identical blindspot, being from all different backgrounds etc, surely?

So we might construct a theoretical image of what the issue is - we might say "I think you're seeing X, when I' saying Y, because you have assumptions Z".

And if they take umbrage at our assumptions, well, we might write tem off because they're not being honest with themselves. But there *is* another option.

It's possible that we *do communicate differently* when talking about that topic, in a way that's not our usual method. We might not think we do - but that seeming unconscious incongruency may very well be what's causing the flare up.

So, when we ask other folks what they think the issue with the people pushing back is, we probably shouldn't avoid asking them a second question: "Do I act or respond differently, or present myself differently around this subject?"

We might be surprised by the response: all the time we think we've been behaving the same way, there might have been a difference we weren#t aware of. I don't point this out to suggest we are to "blame" for other's reactions. Just that our unconscious biases can influence EVERYTHING.

[chibichibisha]

Uhm.. a random thought but... If I may ask, how would your OCs react to their lover/crush kissing them on the cheek/lips? (Your choice there-)

—totallynotthecuriouscyn—

I could do it with their actual canon lovers/crushes, but you know who they are already and some of them doesn't have one or doesn't want to for now. So, I thought this is a good oportunity to feed the simps (?) out there and turn it into a "Y/N kiss them, how they react?". So enjoy it, I guess 😂

Ermine

When you kiss Ermine, he stands still there, without moving at all.

He is too slow to process what just happened and his face is suddenly all red having the most surprised expression ever.

May even short-circuit a bit, the most flustered a person could can be. You almost see the steam coming out of his head while his ears bend down in shyness.

"I--- I- Ahhh, excuse me!!! ///////"

So yes, he totally panics. If he has the opportunity, he might flee, to your desmise.

You can always go after him tho, but he is pretty fast!!

Ermine likes you so much he barely can look at you after that, but he just can't accept it out loud or in an honest way just yet.

So he would look embarrassed and call you an idiot in an endearing way.

Nahal

He never expects to receive those type of attentions, so he would jolt right there.

His wings open and flaps them in an unconscious way while he looks at you like something really shocking happened.

He might become a stuttering mess and try to say "What was that for!?" and "Why you did that!?" but he just mesh everything together and doesn't say anything comprehensible enough.

You think he looks cute tho; not that he is shy, but like he tries very hard to find the reason under the kiss.

"A-re you teasing me? W-well I'm not going fall for such a trick!!"

You may be his crush but that must be the reason, and not that you like him back actually. It seems that even if you tell him directly he wouldn't believe it anyway.

Please give him time so he can realize this!

Gilmo

The first thing Gilmo does after receiving a kiss is to look at you a bit surprised, and then he would chuckle looking at you.

"Oh my, is that your way to say you are happy to see me? What a good kid."

Then he pats your head in the most sweet way, maybe even cups one of your cheeks with a gloved hand, and smiles at you like you are his precious little prize.

Somehow, they one who is kinda flustered here is you, and not him, the one that got kissed suddenly.

He looks so confident and takes it so naturally it's even kind of mysterious, but he looks really happy after that.

Gilmo may think is his turn and take you by your hand, in a very gentleman way.

You are not sure what is going to do, but he definitely takes the lead from there.

Rossain

He is not used to be kissed all this suddenly! Of course, he is the one that has the situation under control and paces it at his own will, so this is one of the best ways to surprise him.

It's even more effective if you are his crush, because of course he was being kissed before. Of course, they weren't people he was genuinely interested in.

So he is a bit wide-eyed, and you can see well how his freckles are tainted in red now.

But he is a smart player in the game that is dating, so he makes sure to react quickly to hide this kind of thing.

"Oh~? I see. If you wanted my attention that bad, you could have tell me so"

He really tries to look cool and not let see that it actually affected him more than what he wants to admit.

And even if he is a good actor, you could catch him if you know him enough already.

DeShawn

If you are able to kiss DeShawn, that already means he likes you so much that he even lets you touch him, as he is very iffy about this.

It might trigger some sort of response on him, but it's hard to say if it's good or not. In any case, he seems to direct his attention to only you. Which is... good.

DeShawn is not good at communicating, so you are not sure what he is trying to say with looking at you so intensely, maybe even physically corners you without even noticing.

His dangerous aura is always up, but now is something more there that you cannot tell what is it. It's sure he wants something from you, tho.

Both of his ears might drop, and while he is always loud and aggressive, he is trying his best to not look like that.

"Oi... are you sure you want to do that again?"

For once, his tone is not a threat (even if you could read that as one!), but an ask or a confirmation. Maybe this time he wants to expect it.

Malik

A surprise kiss from his crush for Malik may be like a sudden caress from their owner for a cat.

It's not like it's not wanted, but it bothers him that he didn't allow it when he wanted it.

So he may not take it too well at first, because that's not how things are suppossed to be.

But he may come back some minutes later because if you bring the mood you also should be responsible to keep with it, right?

"What are you waiting for? You didn't kiss me for teasing me, right? If that's the case, I should do the same then"

He is like a overgrown selfish feline, but that's kind of his charm after all.

He won't let you leave until he decides you received what you gave him, of course.

Kero

It may be a bit of a mistake giving a kiss to Kero out of nowhere. Not because he takes it badly, quite the opposite.

But that may make him too eager. Because he is intense.

If he likes you, and you can tell he does in how he follows you around and wags his tail every time he sees you (hell, he even pronounce your name like he needs to say it out loud), he is gonna be difficult to deal with.

You might just wanted to give him a peck because he looked really good, being focused for once, but that seems to awake the beast.

"Haha, what is it? You want to play with me? So mean! Then I want to play to!"

He just can't resist himself and will wrap you between his arms.

Probably the one that gives you more kisses than you gives him. Not because you don't try, but again, because Kero has too many energy and affection and he plans to use it all on you if he can!

[demonictales]

May I ask for headcanons with Wei ying, Jiang Cheng and Nie huiashang (if I spelled that right). Where reader was their one of their best friend and a Wen, but soon disappeared when the Wen clan started to take over the other sects. Boys then finding their friend, disabled from their golden core and imprisoned in a remote place where no one could have found them, because they rebelled against the clan leader. Could be more angsty if they lost their hearing or sight, because they were tortured.

oh, i’m excited how this one will turn out. here we go! my heart while writing this went →↑→↑←↑↓↑→↑←↓ also I know you said imprisioned but i got kinda carried away writing this. I'm so sorry okijd

TW: TORTURE, BLINDNESS

GUSU LAN CLAN LECTURES

First of all you were Wen Chao's cousin, unfortunately. However, you pretty much did as you wanted to because who could really control you, so of course you went along to the Lan Clan's lectures alongside Wen Qing and Wen Ning.

Of course you arrived in old fashioned Wen manner and interrupted the ceremony already breaking rules at the entrance. When no one else but Wei Wuxian spoke up. It did indeed amuse you the way he spoke up agains Wen Chao so you carefully watched him.

Excused for the day all three of you eventually went their own way. You had no idea what Wen Qing was up to or Wen Ning, so you eventually walked around the clan, exploring your new home for the few lectures to come. Eventually, in the back hill you bumped into Wei Wuxian who thought Wen Ning to use bow and arrow until that nearly backfired when Wen Qing's voice rang through the air.

"Let's say we are even now that you nearly killed Lady Wen. ---" You were joking obviously, but refering to the earlier incident.

He wasn't quite sure how to deal with you yet but it seemed you made quite the point. Eventually you walked along with him, leaving Wen Ning and Qing to their own.

Meeting Jiang Cheng once more you, indeed did apologize for interrupting his greetings earlier that day. You were quite different than most in the Wen Clan, you did apologize and show manners, though you weren't completely innocent.

As much as you did enjoy art and classics, you were also a little troublemaker, It was a healthy combination of mischief and manners that allowed you to walk the grey zone. So of course you soon bonded with Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng and Nie Huiasang.

You became great friends soon. You learned about Wei Wuxian's mischief, enjoyed his stories of bickering with Lan Zhan, came to know Nie Huiasang's grand taste and love for art and other not so lady like things, as well as his dislike for fighting and of course Jiang Cheng, he was rather complicated but you still enjoyed his presence. You could never quite tell what was on his mind but you knew for sure he deeply cared for his family. He was in fact, someone who seemed to long for his own little happy ending.

Meeting up in secret for a drinking which was strictly forbidden, you had lots of fun until the next morning when you were called for punishment. Even though you were a Wen, you could simply walk away but decided to stay and take the 50 hits. You had made friends for a lifetime during the lectures.

WEN CLAN LECTURES

You'd lie if you say you weren't excited to see your friends again, however, it weren't the best circumstances. You greatly disliked the way it had processed to far yet there they stood, all clans: Nie Clan, Jin Clan, Jiang Clang and eventually Hanguang Jun.

This wasn't much of a lecture, more of Wen Chao showing of his power due to the enormous power the Quishan Wen Clan had gathered. You weren't sure if you were embarrassed or disgusted by your cousin but either way, knowing Wei Wuxian's character you soon had something to laugh. And you were right.

Wen Chao made him recite the Wen Clan rules which ironicially, he didn't even know himself so you nearly busted a lung and earned an angry side eye from your cousin when Wei Wuxian recited the Lan Clan rules.

Of course this would not go without punishment, not for you not for Wei Wuxian and co.

Eventually you helped with the dung being spread, being trapped between Jin Zixuan, Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan. Fun times. Once more, you apologizes for his behaviour knowing your words could do nothing. The only thing this gave you was the title of Gentle Wen. An embarrassment to your family but in the cultivation world between your friends quite the praise.

You tried getting their swords back but with no luck. You only ended up being grounded in your own room with guards outside.

You weren't able to help your friends out and it did annoy you. It seemed as if you tried harder the more complicated it would get for you to get out of here. It did drive you insane.

When every visitor was suppossed to hunt the monster that roamed through the mountain you once again were by their side, refusing to speak nor act according to your cousin's order.

Which led to quite the argument between you, who stood on your friends side, and Wen Chao and his woman, who for the love of cultivation, wondered where she came from

Either way, you stood between him and Wang Lingjiao when she had ordered to use Mianmian as a sacrifice. You at this point who would believe you, matter of fact, you knew that he was just being abusive. Safe to say it did piss your cousin off and ended up in a fight, eventually were Wei Wuxian would get hurt.

Just like the rest, you got stuck in the cave alongside the rest of the cultivators. Proofing your loyalty to your friends once more. Not so much to the other clans.

This time you helped out Huaisang the most. The poor guy was frightened to death. He was such a soft boy. You felt bad about it and apologzied multiple times while staying by his side, doing your best to help him through the situation. At this point, if you were no traitor to the Wen Clan what else could you possibly be?

You followed Jiang Cheng's introductions to leave the cave through the water, Nie Huaisang by your side.

After all you had made it out word spread proufoundly about you and the Wen Clan. Some said you were a spy, working for the Wen Clan and earning sympathy, others said you were honest about your intentions, later was some encouring words by Nie Huaisang. You truly did appreciate his words.

The moment you stepped foot into Qishan, you were confined to you room until they needed you. They made use of your connections to Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang whenever they needed to. Tricky but smart.

WEN CHAOS HAVOC + SUNHOT CAMPAIGN

It was only when you dumb cousin started to wreak havoc among the clans that you started to see the situation clearly and did not want to have anything to do with it. After cloud recesse had been burned to nearly ashes you spoke up, you were against it. Precious memories were made there and now they had became ashes, quite literally.

If you had known about all the scheming you'd have told Lan Xichen right away, made sure nothing would happen to the Gusu Lan Clan. But being confined barely gave you any choices until one day you fought your way out, meeting your uncle, confronting him about it.

You knew that the Wen Clan was better than that, but the yin iron had taken up to much of his sanity, he instructed Wen Chao to take care of you.

Of course it pained you to see all the chaos and blood being she'd of cour once former friends familie's. There did not a day go by where you begged him to stop. You even tried going against him, but failed miserably.

Wang Lingjiao enjoyed her given power, using it to destroy every piece of hope you still had. Even bringing you along to Lotus Pier to watch the massacre of your closest friends parents.

Daily torture was on your agenda. Being wipped, being burned, being starved or simply kicked and punched by her minions. But you were to prideful to give in just so easily, especially when you head news of Jiang Cheng being captured.

Again, you tried your best to stop him but Wen Chao had enough of your antic and ordered Wen Zuhliu to end it but his woman had a better idea. Get rid of her golden core and blind her. It was her revenge for you spitting the hot soup right into her face, eventually burning her slightly. It was worth it.

You were left in pain, after you felt the power leave your body, the spiritual power who kept healing you in a very slow pace if you needed it but eventually had lost it. The worst was losing your sight, the light of day, not knowing if it was day or night, not being able to navigate on your own.

Treason, that was the reason. You could have had so much more if it wasn't for your weak heart. The words were spoken as hot iron was pushed into your eyes. Your screams were hunting the people who were present. Yet you had lost all of hope and strength in one night, being dumped somewhere on a mountain with nothing but the purpose to die.

After the sunshot campaign people had wondered what happened to you as you were nowhere to be found, yet they all agreed to not search and leave things as they were, the Qishan Wen Clan was extinguished.

PASSING YEARS

Years had passed and you had managed to get yourself back on your feet, even if it wasn't as safe anymore. You learned to live with your blindness.

Deep in the forest in an abandoned little hut. It was perfect for you. You secluded yourself from the world, living in peace. You remembered some tricks your old friend Wei Wuxian had once taught you, and even though your golden core was gone, little tricks like these did do. Obviously you had to renew them every now and then but it was no bother at all.

What you did not know was that the mountain, or rather the forest you lived in belonged to a clan, and possible night hunt had given up your days of silence and years being secluded.

Only when you heard footsteps that did not belong to anything on your small land, you ended up hiding in your small hut, a knife held firmly in your hands.

The voices you could make out seemed familiar but you stayed quiet, perhaps they'd leave.

Of course they did not leave and soon it seemed, three people were standing in your small front yard where chicken where quietly eating and living.

They surely were surprised that someone had managed to live on the mountain of the Jin Clan largest property. That did put you quite in panic. You knew they were your death sentence if they would find you, so you tried to sneak away, but of course Wei Wuxian was one step ahead of you.

" Where do you think you're going ?"

" Wei Wuxian? "

Your voice was hesitant yet filled with surprise but you could definitely make out his voice between a hundred people. A smile almost creeped upon your lips, soley depending on your hearing.

Your attire was still very much simple. A very out worn red hanfu, the logos of the Wen Clan faded but still slightly visible. It was Nie Huaisang that pointed this out. Of course he would notice such details, so he still was alive and breathing. You were deligthed to know this.

However, it was Jiang Cheng who put 1 and 1 together.

" Lady Y/N ? ---"

Silence filled by gasp of Nie Huaisang, as you nodded quietly.

"Guilty."

You were not sure how to feel, happy that you finally met the people you once called friends or scared knowing it could now mean your death.

"I'm glad to hear you are all still well. How have you been all these years? -----"

They would have expected anything but not to meet you. It were raw and mixed feelings. You know you owed Jiang Cheng your live for your family had taken his. You dared not to move your head his way and kept it strictly on the ground.

It was also Wei Wuxians family but it wasn't as deeply rooted.

Nie Huaisang was the first one to approach you, carefully. Asking what had happened to you. So until late night, you told them what happened to you, what your clan did to you, how you ended up here.

You also apologized again, falling to your knees, knowing you could not make up for the loses they had suffered. You started crying, begging for forgiveness.

They explained what had happened on their side, and also admitting they hoped they had not lost you but eventually gave up. You on the other hand did not blame them.

It was a bittersweet reunion after years of forming friendship, betrayal and chaos. Feeling pain and rejoycing again.

[funkymbtifiction]

hey, so i suspect to be a ne-dom (after about one year of research on functions and everything and considering like every type at least once to be my type :)) even though i do not overly relate to ne-dom stereotypes, for example i wouldn´t say i am a good brainstormer...

Lemme just stop you there and say, brainstorming isn't Ne. Anybody can brainstorm. The kind of brainstorming Ne does is conjure up lots of ideas related to whatever is INTERESTING to them. Like, if an ENP is stuck in a business meeting and doesn't care about the topic, they won't have any ideas pertaining to it. But if they sit down to write a story, a character will pop into their head, and then ideas about other characters, and conversations, and possible roles for that character to fulfill within the story... and they will follow this angle for awhile and get bored and then follow that other angle (another idea). It's a space of living inside one's ideas, following them, and discarding them if they aren't working; of constant adaptation to the abstract (non-existing) potential of their mental environment. How SPs interact with reality -- throwing themselves into it and figuring it out as they go and getting the hang of it physically -- is what NPs do on a mental level, by throwing themselves into concepts, ideas, etc. Like starting up a MBTI typing blog when you barely know anything about MBTI, as a way of learning while doing / thinking about it. *cough* *raises hand* It's "ah yes, I'll incorporate this before I've even had time to learn / study it deeper, because I get the Big Picture of it, it matters, so I'm gonna run with it." Intuition, in other words -- not needing the details to "get the gist" and assuming you can intelligently talk about it or at least BS your way through it, so people assume you know your stuff even if you don't.

But anyway, back to your ask.

(but after all they are just stereotypes, so what) and actually relate a lot to se-dom "stereotypes". For example it is said that often se-doms are quiet good at physical activities like sports and might have a natural talent to be really good at some physical activity even when they do it for the first time, because they are so aware of their environment and the current moment. And that actually is something i kinda relate to. I never got a bad grade in sports class because even at all the sports i have never done in my life before i was naturally good at and quick to figure out how it is done. I also never got any kind serious injury in my life even though i would (especially as a kid) climb onto everything that one shouldn´t climb on and jump from everything one shouldn´t jump from. Never even broke a bone, but i do know lots of people who broke a bone without even doing anything particular "dangerous". Anyway, those are mainly stereotypes so i probably should just ignore them, anyway they make me question my type frequently.

Stereotypes have a root in reality for a reason. If you are easily able to adapt to your environment skillfully using your body, you are likely Se. What's more, SPs actively enjoy doing this -- getting out there and trying things, being physical and hands on. I talk about ideas and argue about the Enneagram, my ESFP sister goes sky diving, learned to paint by buying brushes and supplies, and spent all weekend installing the landscaping she designed. ;)

What makes me think i am a ne-dom nontheless is:

- i am usually capable of seeing multiple perspectives, most easily perceivable in philosphy class to be honest. We would have regular discussions about a certain topic and everyone had a different opinion and i could usually see the point of everyones argument. The most frustrating people were those that would state something as a fact or as simply right or wrong without hearing anyone out who might have a different view on that. Sometimes it would literally be that person A would explain something 10 times and person B would still not be able to get it and would only hear what they want to hear, which actually made every argument pretty pointless and might be the main reason why i never actively participated in those discussions myself. At some point it only felt like a waste of time and energy to argue with someone who clearly doesn´t want or isn´t capable of considering any other perspective than their own

This isn't really Ne, it just means you're a perceiving dominant (not a judging dominant, aka, not IP or EJ) and indicates FiTe, with Te seeing the pointlessness of interacting with people who are unwilling to listen or change their mind. Also, very likely a 9 fix.

- my writing style (i guess), i´ll take philosophy as an example again; sometimes we had to write an essay to a certain question where we basically just had to write our opinion and arguments (similar to the regular disussions but written), and i usually would come up with 2 or 3 possible answers so i decided to cover them all and thought that way i would probably write like 3 pages or so. Well i ended up writing ten because while i was writing i suddenly realized that if i explain A i should probaly define B to make it more understandable or to be more precise, but by defining B i also have to mention C and D and that would mean that i should also include E and F and...

Low Te clarifying, adding context, and not wanting to leave out important information while not being entirely sure what "matters" the most to the project or being able to self-edit well.

- one thing i am not 100% sure about; i do like talking about ideas like lately we have been discussing getting a pool (we´ll probably never get one because they are expensive but we like the idea) but there were also a couple of obstacles too prevent that from ever happening but i was like: "yeah that would be cool" and got ideas like a slide that would start at the window of our room so we can slide directly from our room into the pool, or the idea that we could build some cave system and that would be the place where the pool would be so we wouldn´t have to "sacrifice" our entire garden for a pool.

That's a very sensory idea to have. :)

I would have rather discussed a pool again...to be fair i would have probably worried a lot more if i had to go to the appointment on my own but i don´t so i just rely on others and hope they will know what to do and tell me. (what i am not sure about here is if my disinterest in discussing what could possible happen is a se "live in the moment" thing or if it just disinterests me because its too practical and too much related to something actual?)

Drawing attention to what interests you - Fi. Sensory focus. Slight abdication of self, indicates reliance on others - maybe 9 or a 6 core?

- one last thing:  i can see more si than ni inferior tbh. Example: i do not like planning a trip, like making schedules or figuring out what bus/train to take at what time and where to take. I mean i am happy to have some sort of schedule or plan but i do not like doing these myself, even though i can if i have to and sometimes i have to because i have to get somewhere on my own...

This speaks to low / inferior Te more than anything. Stress over organizing the outside world, nailing down a plan, etc.

[...] And i would assume that this might be inferior si? Also i think if i was a se-dom i probably would not be so stressed by getting on the wrong bus or probably wouldn´t be so obsessed with checking everything multiple times just in case the other 376 times i did i missed something...

You would if you were a 6w7, which you probably are.

I'd say SFP 6w7 with a 9 fix, or an ISFP 9 with a 6 fix. Something about you gives me inferior Te / ISFP vibes.

[joshay98]

Day 177, 178, 179 of music in Sky

Heya, how are ya? Drinking enough water? Sleeping enough as well? Wouldn't want any Phantoms chasing ya. ^^

Had a nice time with someone from my constellation. They did a candle run for me in the Wastelands so I was really happy I didn't have to deal with the Krills. Thanks for that favor. :D

New thursday, new traveling spirit. This time one of the earliest season spirits to join the game. The Greeting Shaman and a fairly cheap one as well. Only 112 candles which isn't THE cheapest but it's definitely better than some other spirits out there.

First there is the mask which... I really don't know what is suppossed to be. The wiki says it's a bull mask and yeah, those are bull horns but the rest doesn't really line up. Quite a weird mask in my opinion.

And finally an instrument I can afford! The first instrument I can properly own as well! It's a large bell which you can smack repeatedly for sounds!...

It's a large bell. Ya can't really expect to play Mozart on that. I guess it's suppossed to be used as a background instrument instead of a main one. Doesn't help that other instruments also have an additional row. TT

I will be honest that I did get a bit disappointed by these items. It's not much and of what is there I will probably never really use. Hmm oh well, not every spirit can suit my tastes perfectly. --

Aaah there is always the next thursday in two weeks. I will see you guys definitely there. ^^

[thelustybraavosimaid]

just in case you are wondering who is the suppossed "jonsa hater" that hates arya/jonrya and leaves hateful comments on arya stan's blogs well, its @sdmh1977 and the bitch is a dany stan/jonerys shipper, we have been fools 🤡

Gonna be honest, I wasn't wondering and I don't care much, either. It's not like it's going to stop me from being pro-Jonrya, pro-Jonerys or pro-Jonerya lol.

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Devil in disguise 1/3

Summary: You weren’t the girl who get attention from guys. You were the friend that always ended up alone at the bar, nursing her drink until you got home by yourself, while your friends took home someone. That’s how you suppossed this night would go to. Until an Apple Martini you didn’t order was set down in front of you. Looking around to make out who had ordered it for you, you saw him. John Wick. 

Pairing: John Wick / F! plus size Reader

Wordcount: 3.214

Warnings: none except some cursing and mentions of alcohol

A/N: I really missed writing John Wick. I can’t wait to read what you all think about it.

Masterlist

Taglist:

@meetmeinthematinee / @hisdeadwife​ / @fanficsrusz​ / @mrrightismrreeves​ / @ladyreapermc / @theolsdalova / @pinkzsugar​ /  @ivymiiru​ / @paanchu786

A drink you hadn't ordered was set down in front of you. A apple martini. Your favorite. You didn't go out very often, and you weren't a big drinker. To be honest, you had no idea why you had agreed to come with your friend to this bar, when you knew from the beginning that she would leave you alone at the first sight of a man that gave her the tiniest bit of attention.

“I didn't order this.” You said, looking at the bartender.

“I know. But he did.” The bartender leaned in, near your ear, because the music made any kind of conversation nearly impossible. You followed the direction he was pointing at, turning your head to the side. This wasn't something that usually happened to you. You were the ugly chubby friend. The one who always ended up alone, getting a drink at the bar, all while your friends got the attention of every single male they set their eyes on. Even if you weren't seeing yourself like that. At least most of the time.

Your eyes searched for the guy who apparently had a very weird sense of humor for sending you a drink, when your eyes stopped in the far corner of the bar where someone was looking straight at you. Dark, slicked back hair framed his face. His dark eyes watching you intently as your mouth dropped open in shock. He had to be the most attractive man you had ever laid your eyes on. He was wearing a dark suit, dark shirt beneath with a black tie. He was to far away for you to be sure, but you would bet it fit him like a second skin. Looking away from him you breathed out, the bartender looking at you.

“This is a joke, right?” You asked.

“He was very specific, Lady. Just... be careful.” He nodded at you, walking away to take some order orders. Be careful... What did he think you would do?

Grabbing the drink, turning in your chair to face the dancing crowd you leaned to your side, slowly cheering towards the mystery man, who nodded back at you, as you took a sip from your drink. Perfect. Sighing you let you eyes wander back to the crowd, making out your  friend who was seriously grinding on some guy. Rolling your eyes, you shook your head.

“Interesting choice of friends you have there.” A deep voice next to you said. Turning your head you looked up at your mystery man, who was leaning a bit down, so that he didn't had to shout. His brown eyes running over your face. His beard looked freshly trimmed, a cut above his left eyebrow. He licked his lips as he waited for you to talk.

“What do you know about my friends?” You finally asked, making his lips twitch to a tiny smile.

“I know that Nadia Tarasov is... special.” He said careful of his words. His breath was brushing over your face as he spoke, an intoxicating cloud of whiskey, smoke and his aftershave surrounding you.

“May I?” He asked, gesturing to the seat next to you.

“Sure.” You said shrugging and turned around to the bar, crossing your legs as he sat down next to you, ordering himself another drink, before his attention was back on you. You weren't used to such attention coming from men towards you. And certainly not from someone looking like him. He looked like he stepped out of a Hugo Boss commercial. Suddenly you were grateful for the new dress you were wearing. You were never the catwalk model type. You had a pounds more here and there, your boobs bigger than average. Which was the only reason men typically looked at you, or better your cleavage. But here he was. Mr. Mystery man, looking nowhere but into your eyes, as if they would hold the answers to the universe. Swallowing, you closed your eyes to gather your thoughts as you looked at him.

“So how special do you know Nadia is? I only ever met her brother, and he was... special too.” You thought back to the only time you had met Iosef. He had tried to get into your pants as a challenge and Nadia had shut it down immediately. A lot of stop had happened between you since then.

“I know that her family isn't what you think it is.” He said over the noise of the bar.

Turning to him, leaning over, your hand touching his upper arm, you got close to his ear.

“So her father isn't the mafia boss that is owning this club?” You whispered close to his ear and leaned back in your seat, taking a sip from your drink as you watched his surprised expression.

“She told me. Before we became friends.” You added.

“And you still agreed to become her friend?” He asked, nodding at the bartender who set down a drink in front of him.

“It's not like I have sleepovers at her house. And we're not that close. To be honest at this point I don't know why we are even friends anymore. It always seems to me like I'm just...” You shook your head, trying to think of your next words.

“Anyway. She's easy to hang out with, if she hangs out and is not practically fucking someone on the dance floor.” You shrugged, making him smirk.

“And what about you....” You looked at him.

“John.” He added.

“John.” You smiled. “What are you doing looking like that in a club where only twenty something year olds hang out?” You asked.

He looked at you for a while.

“Honestly?” He asked. You nodded.

“I just got out of my employment with Tarasov and found out my ex-fiance had been working for him all along.”

“Wow. Okaaay.” You nodded slowly, trying to process what he had just told you.

“So what did you do exactly for Tarasov?” You asked. Was that why the bartender had told you to be careful? John sucked his bottom lip in as he thought about his next words.

“Oh and I'm sorry because of your fiance.” You added, making him chuckle.

“It's not your job to be sorry for her. I found out about 6 months ago, but still had to continue to work for him.” He said.

“So what do you do, John?” You asked again, enjoying how his name felt rolling from your tongue.

“What if I would tell you, that I am the one who gets called when the baddest people in this city have to get rid of even worse people?” His arm came to rest on the back of your seat as he leaned in. Feeling the heat coming from his body, as he was so close to yours, you shuddered. Or maybe it was due to the fact what he just told you.

If you understood him correctly you should run. And fast. But somehow you felt like you could trust him. Looking away from him, letting your gaze wander to the other side watching the other people at the bar, you saw them look away immediately as they caught your eyes.

Turning your head to John again, you looked at him. He had to be at least 20 years older than you. But you didn't care. You didn't know if it was the fact that he was the first man in forever giving you any attention, or if it was the thrill of him, the dangerous aura that surrounded him, but you wanted to get to know him.

“John?” You asked. He nodded at you.

“Is there somewhere quieter we could talk?” You asked.

“I have my car outside. Do you trust me?” He looked at you, his gaze for the first time not completely on your eyes, wandering down to your lips for just a second. And against all your better judgment you said

��I do.” You said.

He nodded, a little smile on his face, as his hand slipped into the inner pocket of his jacket, pulling out what looked like a gold coin, sliding it over to the bartender.

“Thank you Mr. Wick.” He said. John nodded again, standing up from his seat, straightening his jacket, before he held out his hand, to help you stand from yours. Ignoring the goosebumps on your arms, as you took his hand, you hopped down.

“John Wick it is then, hm?” You asked, as you reached for your purse.

“Jonathan Wick to be exact.” He said, releasing your hand his arms hovering over your back as he showed you out.

The people kept looking away from John, their eyes lingering on you as you made your way out. John slipped yet another of these golden coins to the man outside, a car appearing in front of you only minutes later.

“That's your car?” You asked surprised. John looked at you, an eyebrow raised in question.

“Didn't take you for the sports car kind of guy.” You shrugged, making him smirk, before he opened the door of the passengers side, helping you in. The moment he closed the door you were suddenly very aware of the fact that you had agreed to let a man, who was supposedly a hitman, take you to wherever he wanted to go.

The drivers door opened and he sat down, closing the door.

“Last chance to get out.” He said, as he started the engine. There was a warm expression on his face as he looked at you. Like a switch he had turned off, as soon as the two of you were alone.

Smiling you shook your head.

“All right.” He nodded and drove off.

The drive had been a silent one. Only the radio interrupting the silence. At first you didn't know where he was driving to. But when he took the Brooklyn bridge, coming to stop on the car park of the Brooklyn Bridge Park, you couldn't help but smile.

“The Brooklyn Bridge Park?” You asked, as he killed the engine. Turning in his seat to look at you he nodded, a real smile, the first one tonight, on his face.

“I love to look at the city lights when I need to think.”

“And you need to think tonight?” You asked.

“Actually I don't need to. But I wanted to take you here.” He said.

“So... John...” You said as the two of you made your way across the pier, not much space between each other, watching Manhattan's lights flickering on the other side.

“You worked for Tarasov?” You asked quietly.

“Until 6 pm today. Since then I'm.... Actually I don't know what I am now.”

“So.. How does that work? The... stuff you do? Did? We are talking about killing people, aren't we?” You leaned even closer, careful not to let others hear.

He nodded.

“Do you really want the details? I still can't believe you actually agreed to let me take you here.”

“Me neither.” You chuckled.

“And I don't want details. I.. Forget I said that. It's your job. I trust you know what you're doing. That's maybe a topic for another time.”

“So there might be another time?” John asked, pursing his lips in a smile.

“I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out what made you talk to me of all people in the first place.” You said honestly.

“What do you mean?” He asked, stopping in front of you. Taking a deep breath you looked up at him.

“I mean look at you. You are what? 20 years older than me? Looking like the devil in disguise with your hair and that suit and then look at me? The 26 year old chubby wallflower medical student, who is just so managing her life. Like I'm still trying to figure out if this is some kind of set up.”

You bit your lip as you looked up at him, his eyes looking at you confused.

“You call yourself wallflower?” He asked, confusion in his eyes.

“I'm always the one sitting alone at the bar while my friends hang out with guys like you.”

“Guys like me?” He asked.

“Devil in disguise, I already told you.” You winked at him, making him chuckle, before he looked at you, his eyes burning of passion.

“As soon as I walked into that bar that night, all I could see, was you. You are no chubby wallflower. You are... The most attractive and sexy woman I have let my eyes on in a long time. And you looked so sad.” He said, his finger carefully tilting your chin up, as you looked down, hiding your blush.

“That's why I send you the drink. I thought if I could make you smile just a little, it would be worth it.” He smiled. Closing your eyes you breathed in deeply, before you got on your tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Thank you. John Wick.” You looked up at him with a tiny smile, as he licked his lips with his tongue.

“I don't even know your name.” He whispered as he leaned down.

“Work for it then.” You grinned, before his lips pressed down on yours.

“So your ex fiance...” You had just finished telling him about nearly everything in your life, sitting next to him on a bench, looking at the city lights.

“What about her?”

“How long have you been together before you found out?” You asked.

“I've known Helen for almost 15 years. She was Viggo's personal assistant. I always thought she was sleeping with him... Well I apparently haven't been wrong about that...”

“God, John.” You sighed, your hand on his arm.

“I caught her with him almost a year ago... He didn't know of course but I confronted her and she said it was a one time thing. But I couldn't trust her after that. She told me Viggo was Blackmailing her and the only way for her to get out was giving him what he wanted.”

John looked at you.

“What did he want?”

“He wanted me to take the job I had been refusing to do for almost 2 years.”

“In exchange for what?”

“My freedom? Hers? I really don't care about her. I just want to let that all behind me.”

“And you did... the thing?” You ask. John nodded.

“And now you're free?”

“And now I'm free.

John drove you home, the perfect gentlemen. The sun was already rising on this Saturday morning and he had bought you breakfast on the way, a salmon bagel and a mint tea, while he was having a plain black coffee. Looking at him, as he drove his car through Queens, following your directions you thought about what had happened in just under 12 hours of knowing him.

“What are you looking at?” He asked, looking at you for a second, before he looked back at the road.

“I'm trying to figure out if you're real.” You said, making him chuckle.

“Oh I'm 100% real.” He said.

“It's like you have two faces. This, now is a 360 turn to the guy in the bar I met, who was cool, calculated and seemed dangerous.”

“This whole bar was filled with people who wouldn't hesitate killing me, if they would benefit from it.” He said quietly.

“But they seem to have a healthy amount of respect for your, Mr. Wick.”

“As they should.” He said, making you swallow at his tone.

He opened the door for you and held his hand out to help you out of the car after he had parked in front of your apartment building.

Smiling at him, you took his hand, letting him lead you to your front door, when you heard a voice behind you.

“John?”

He looked at you for a split second before he sighed barely visible, closing off his face as he turned around.

“Miss Tarasov.” He said his hand still holding yours.

“Ah you found her. I was getting worried she had stood me up again.” Nadia smiled at you.

“What are you doing here?” You asked her, your hand leaving John's, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“I was worried. You were just gone.” she shrugged, her eyes wandering from you up to John. You knew that look. You had seen that look in her eyes every single time she had found her next victim.

“I offered to take your friend home as a last service to your family.” John lied, making you look up at him at the cold tone he was using, as he looked at Nadia.

“Oh yes. You are now a free man John.” Her lips forming a wicked smile.

He only nodded.

“Would you do me one last favor and drive me home? For old times sake?” She asked sweetly. You couldn't believe this was happening in front of your eyes. You looked from her to John who was visible trying to remain calm.

“Sure.” He said bored, looking down at you and leaving you at your door, helping Nadia into his car, when he got out something of the trunk of his car. He told her something, which made her nod at him, the filthiest smile on her lips, before he turned and walked towards you.

You saw him roll his eyes at you as he walked the stairs up the the front door, where you were standing.

“Just pretend this sweater is yours.” He said lowly, as he handed it to you. It was definitely not yours.

“Are you really taking her home?” You asked as he stood in front of you, his back to his car, shielding you from her eyes.

“That way I can make sure, she leaves you alone.”

“Isn't it weird, that she comes all the way from Manhattan to Queen's to wait here, when she lives 2 blocks away from the club?” You asked

“My first guess is, that she knew we left together.” John said.

“She wants you John. I've seen that look before.” You whispered.

“She wanted me ever since her father forbid it. Not that I would be interested in any way.”

“Too young?” You asked, lips pursing.

“To Tarasov.” He clarified, smiling a little, making you chuckle.

“Can I see you again?” He asked.

“If you want to have your sweater back, you have to.” You grinned.

“I still don't know your name.” He bit his bottom lip, his dark eyes begging you for an answer. Taking the sweater from him you, brought his hand to your lips, kissing his palm.

“You will.” You smiled at him.

[fulltimecatwitch]

I Found a Reason ( To Keep Living)

My first anderperry fanfic set in the late 60s´ and early 70s´! 

I had already posted the a03link to the first chapter but it doesn´t show in the tags for some reason (?) so i´m posting it here as well.

Summary: It is the fall of 1969 and the start of senior year at Wellton for the Dead Poets. The world around them is changing fast and soon they will have to decide what they want for their lives. Neil is struggling against his fathers wishes of becoming a doctor,while his roomate Todd is trying to find the confidence to allow himself to lead the life he wants. They connect through their shared loved for music and dreams of moving to New York ,but don´t quite know what to do when it comes to the feelings they have for each other.An ode to the dead poets and the counterculture of the 60s´.

Warnings for: underage smoking, underage drinking, period typical homophobia, police brutality ( mentioned), brief mentions of war, poor parenting

Chapter 1: Gimme Shelter 

Neil Perry loved music, there was no other way to say it. Even before acting and performing, music had been his lifesaver in the ever-demanding life his father had already planned for him. Whenever he was feeling blue, he knew all he had to do was listen to his favourite records. He kept them in his closet, neatly ordered and hidden under piles of sweaters and other clothing items. Under the bed was the record player his mother had gifted him when he turned fifteen. His father had resisted at first, going on about how much it had costed and how much it was going to distract him from his classes. It took some help from his mother, but he let him keep it as long as he promised to use it “moderately and only after he was done studying”.

Neil had some records stored at home, but the ones he kept at Wellton were the ones that would get a disapproving look from his father and one or two of his professors. Most of the albums from the Beatles and the Stones, some Bob Dylan, Led Zeppelin, Hendrix, Clapton, he had a bit of everything. It hardly mattered now that he was back at school, away from his father and his incessant demands. He listened while doing homework in the afternoon with the volume almost at the lowest just in case Hager was around. Saturdays were his favourite days because he would then take the record player to the school´s rooftop along with some records; the others would join him too. Charlie provided cigarettes and wine that nobody knew how he obtained. Pitts would bring snacks and when he was feeling particularly happy, he would dance along with Meeks. They spent their afternoons lazily listening and dreaming how their lives would be after Wellton. For Neil, sometimes it seemed as if there was no future. There was so much chaos in the world around them: the war, the civil rights movement, the riots at that bar in New York, the police brutality, the list was endless. Yet, all his parents could think of was getting him to medical school. He supposed they had a point; in a year he and all his friends would be eighteen, all eligible for the draft. Sure, he could play it safe for a year or so with the college defer but what if he wasn´t able to keep up with the workload? Pre-med wasn´t easy, he knew that much, and it did not help that he dreaded the idea of becoming a doctor almost as much as the idea of getting dragged to the jungle. Unlike Charlie, who kept bragging about how he would burn his draft card if he ever got called, Neil´s parents had no connections that could help him. He was certain Todd and Knox had them but the rest of them were screwed. Pitts had once told him that if he ever got drafted, he was done for. No way he would survive in the jungle. They had all seen the news coverage; it was a massacre. “Perry,” Charlie said on one of those afternoons, while rolling his eyes “Knoxious here wants to listen to Rubber Soul because he thinks that the Beatles are better than the Rolling Stones, can you believe it?" Neil sighed internally, the same thing happened with Charlie and Knox every time they listened to music. They would first argue about which record to play and then endlessly debate who had the better music taste. Since Neil was the owner of the record player, he unofficially had the power to ultimately decide which album to liste, and he often had to intervene between the two. “I didn´t say that Charlie,” Knox interrupted “I´m just saying they have more idea of what they are doing, what they want their music to sound like. Even Bob Dylan said so.” “Well Dylan hasn´t really been the same since he went electric right?” “Come on Charlie you love the guy” “Not relevant right now, Neil” he said while putting out his cigarette “I say we take a vote to settle this for once and all” He called to the other dead poets, who were mindlessly talking about the massive amount of workload they had barely a month into the fall semester. “What are we doing?” asked Pitts “Taking a vote on who is better: the Beatles or the Stones” Neil said hoping his voice conveyed the slight annoyance of the situation Cameron rolled his eyes all the way back to his skull “Not again” Todd was standing slightly behind Meeks not saying anything yet. His new roommate was still a bit of a mystery, one that Neil found himself drawn to immediately. He was a bit of detective, so he tried hard to be friendly and the payoff was that little by little he saw glimpses of what composed the entirety of Todd. He liked hot tea on the afternoons, he only liked to shower at night, he clasped his hands together when nervous, his favourite sweater was a blue woollen one, he wasn´t good at maths, such little things. The most important one Neil had noticed was that even if Todd didn´t speak his mind often, his brain worked a thousand miles an hour and when he spoke, he did it with power, like prophet. He had such a gift with words and probably so much to say; it made Neil a bit sad that he would not allow himself to do it. He didn´t quite know what it was, but he had bonded with Todd in a way he had never with anyone else in his life. He suppossed that is what some would call "connection" but there had to be another word for it. Everytime there was this electricity running through both of their bodies and pulling them together. He felt the static in every inch of him, amplifying every part of his soul. “Who do you prefer, Perry? Asked Charlie, pulling him out of his thoughts. Damn it, Charlie. “Look, I don´t know who is better but right now I would take Let it Bleed over Revolver any day of the week” “You are a man of taste, Meeks? Pitts? “Sorry Charlie,” said the ginger “but I prefer the Beatles, not the old stuff though” “I agree the old stuff sucks, but I´d rather go to a Stones concert” added Pitts. “Cameron?” “You should know that I don´t approve much of either but if I had to pick, I would go with the Beatles. No way I am listening to someone who calls themselves satanic” “Why did I even ask?” sighed Charlie. What about you Todd? asked Neil raising his brow. The blue-eyed boy jolted slightly; he knew he had the final decision in his hands. If he was completely honest, he was more of a Beatles guy himself. He found that the lyrics suited him better, the mellow sounds were more of his taste, and even the old cheesy stuff ,he found endearing. The problem was that Neil had said he preferred the Stones and he could not deny Neil anything, even if he wasn´t aware he was asking. Neil was special on his own: he had this energy and passion to live that Todd had never seen on anyone else. He loved everything and everyone so much. He was determined to share bits and pieces of his beautiful soul, some he might never get back, just to make his friends feel the same joy he radiated. Neil was also the first person who had not given up on Todd. He had tried to push him away for good as much as he could during their first days at Welton and yet Neil persisted, like the leaf that refused to fall of a tree. Soon enough Todd realised that talking to Neil was easy and lovely. They had developed this little game, an unspoken one, where they guessed each other with just a hand gesture or a smile. Neil could guess what Todd was feeling or thinking with just a glance and the other way around. He liked this game, he liked being predicted and basked in sheer happiness whenever Neil smiled at him, signalling that they were thinking the same. Wasn´t that beauty in this world? To finally be able to talk with someone? To laugh? To dance? To read? someone to a dream about? Maybe it seemed small for Neil but the kindness he had showed him made Todd cry every time he thought about it. He took a few more seconds to think before finally saying: “Sorry, Knox but lately I´ve been more into the Stones and their blues” “Oh, you guys are the worst” Everyone laughed and the first few notes of Gimme Shelter were heard. The sun was setting, and the air was filled with cigarette smoke, everything was perfect. Todd wanted to preserve this in his head, capture it like a short film he could go over and over every time he felt alone. He tried to take it all in and took the courage to glance at Neil´s direction. Todd was certain he would be there, looking with that secret smile of his. Their eyes met through the last beams of light the sun had to offer, and when he curved his lips into a playful smirk and then a smile, they both knew he was saying: “Liar, we both know you prefer the Beatles” Todd smiled back and slightly shrugged his arms “You are welcome, Neil”

[zwritestuff]

Some Things Are Bound To Be (Chapter Five) - Kyara

A/N: JESUS. This took as long as the previous chapter and it isn’t nearly as long as the last. Sorry, guys. But hey, I literally wrote this in under 24 hours! A personal record, if I do say so myself. We get some s p i c y drama, too 👀 things can only go up from here. A million thanks to @fromthenorthernskies​ for screaming beta-ing this chapter 💗 Hope you enjoy!

PSA- the author does not take responsability for the feelings this chapter may cause, however, is more than welcome to be screamed at. 😌

CW: alcohol, smoking.

Read on AO3.

***

“Everything’s fake,” Kyne blurts out before she can properly process what she’s saying, head fuzzy from all the Tequila shots. Priyanka looks at her with a grin, sipping on her cocktail, saying something about agreeing with her, that they all know Scarlett got their lips done back in college, but Kyne stops her. “That’s not what I mean.”

Priyanka knits her brows in a frown, looking puzzled. Kyne supposses she can’t expect much from her, since they’re already drunk as hell, barely able to walk without stumbling—and she’s being unintentionally mysterious, blurting out things like that while they’re outside the bathroom waiting for Scarlett and Bo. Jesus. She has to gather herself and think something coherent.

“My relationship with Kiara, it’s fake,” she clarifies, and it somehow feels as if an invisible weight has been lifted from her shoulders. And then, the regret and panic hits her, as she remembers that no one was supposed to know.

But before she can come up with an excuse—say it’s a joke, or something of the sort—Priyanka narrows her eyes, tilting her head, giving her an accusatory look. “I fucking knew it,” she says, so calm and collected, but Kyne can clearly distinguish the offense behind her words.

Kyne recoils for a moment, blinking repeatedly until she processes what Priyanka just said. “You knew?” 

“Duh.” Priyanka takes a sip of her drink, staring at Kyne dead in the eye. “Well I mean, I kinda suspected it, but you always have this stupid lovey-dovey face when you’re with her, and, I dunno, I never saw you look at anyone like that,” she explains, slurring ever so slightly, but her tone is rather serious—or as serious as someone as drunk as Priyanka can be—and Kyne understands every single word, flushing a deeper shade of red with each one. 

“I don’t like Kiara,” it’s the first thing that comes out of her mouth, a tad too defensive.  Though, if she were to be honest, it’s not like she’s entirely wrong—she does feel generally happy around Kiara, unable to bite back a smile with anything related to her. But it’s not “lovey-dovey.” It’s not… Or at least she thinks so.

Anyway. Priyanka cocks an eyebrow—that at the beginning of the night was perfectly painted and now it’s started to smudge around the edges—and presses her index finger on Kyne’s chest, determination burning in her gaze.

“No, you don’t like her—you love her, you stupid bitch,” she declares, proud of her conclusion. If Kyne’s cheeks were red before, now they resemble an apple, even under layers of foundation.

“I fucking don’t—”

“Yes, you do,” Priyanka cuts her off with a solemn tone. Her drink spills ever so slightly from the glass, and Kyne tries to point it out, but Priyanka shushes her. “Oh my god, how did you not know? Of course you’re in love with her, you dumbass. What else did you think would happen? Huh? You made her a fucking dress with pockets for free—”

“That’s technically not true.”

“—and you’re the same bitch that told me I’d have to wait three to five business days for you to fix one of my tank tops!” She finishes her rant with a matter-of-factly tone, sounding as if she just resolved the DaVinci Code. 

Kyne stares blankly at her, trying to find something to deny Priyanka’s crazy theory. Sure, there’s just something about Kiara’s personality out of work hours that attracts her like a magnet, and, and as she found out after spending time with her at the ball, already one week ago, they have incredible chemistry together.

But that doesn’t mean she likes, let alone loves, her.

She’s about to tell Priyanka as much, when they hear Bo and Scarlett call out their names as they exit the bathroom. Before she knows it, they’re roaming around the club again, stopping to dance when there’s good music, and buying drink after drink. 

And she’s having a good time, she really is; Kyne never gets bored when the Dynamic Four are together, more often than not bringing the chaos wherever they are. But Priyanka’s words linger in her mind, heavy on her conscience. Loving Kiara isn’t an option, there’s no way—but does she like her?

Well, as a friend, obviously, otherwise she would’ve never allowed her to crash in her office, even if she was her boss. But there are those fleeting moments, where Kyne’s heart skips a beat when she smiles at her, and how when she loosens up when they’re alone, eyes crinkling when she laughs wholeheartedly at her jokes, it makes her feel warm inside. She never paid them any mind, because she always felt some sort of pride in making her friends laugh, and she’s a raging lesbian, so any pretty girl that smiles at her makes her nervous.

Though now that Priyanka brings it up, she does act differently around Kiara than she would with her regular friends. And Kyne might try to excuse it by saying it’s just her trying to keep the faintest professionalism, but looking at it with a different light, it dawns on her that, holy fucking christ, she actually likes Kiara.

Oh, shit.

It seems almost like a joke from the universe that the second she realized it, she was scrolling through random Instagram Stories, landing on Kiara’s by pure luck. It was a selfie from her and one of her friends, they were out too, apparently to a bar. And Kiara looked so damn stunning, with her flawless make-up, sparkly silver dress and loose curls, her heart does that stupid thing where it beats like it wants to come out of her ribcage. 

Damn. Okay, maybe she does like her, an awful lot at that.

“Pri?” Kyne calls out, leaning with her back pressed against the counter of the bathroom. Priyanka glances at her, trying to salvage her melting eyebrows, cursing through gritted teeth her second hand make-up.

“Yeah?”

“You were right,” she says, the mysterious tone back again, though this time is purposeful, as she’s more sober now. Priyanka vaguely asks her about what, before going back to wiping the sweat around her eyebrows with a tissue. “About liking Kiara. I think I do,” Kyne admits with a defeated tone, bringing a hand to her chest and giving a dramatic sigh.

Priyanka chuckles, lazily looking at Kyne. “Of course I am right, I was right about Carol from accounting fucking Jeff from my team in the janitor closet. Nothing escapes me,” she says, making Kyne laugh a tad too loud than she would if she was fully sober. This is a way too watered down reaction than she expected, but Priyanka does turn into a quieter person when she’s drunk—she’s not sure how that works, considering she’s loud as all hell when she’s sober.

“True, I guess,” Kyne concedes, shifting her position to look directly at her friend. “I wonder if she, uh, if she feels the same,” she asks out loud, not really expecting a reply, but Priyanka shrugs.

“I mean, I don’t know her as you do, clearly, but I’d say as far as you go, you have it bad, because you always were all about ‘eating the rich’ when we were in college, and look at you now, you’re in love with a rich girl,” Priyanka teasingly comments with a snort, and Kyne gasps, offended, as she playfully shoves her.

“I guess so, because I don’t wanna eat her,” she replies, not bothering on correcting Priyanka when she says she loves her, because she knows she won’t be able to get her to understand she doesn’t—yet. A thought crosses her mind when she thinks of Kiara in that royal blue dress she made for her, looking more ethereal than ever, and, bolded by the alcohol, she says after a moment, “I mean, not in that way, but—”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Priyanka deadpans, cutting her off again. Her tired expression causes Kyne to go in a fit of giggles, though if she thinks about it for a moment, she’s more so laughing at herself for taking so damn long to figure it out, and not even on her own. Priyanka turns to look at her, finally giving up on salvaging her eyebrows and pinches her in the arm. “If you two get married one day, I demand to be the maid of honor, because your ass would’ve never realized without me,” she declares, matter-of-factly.

Kyne pinches her back, gasping in offense. “I would’ve realized at some point!” Priyanka arches a brow, cocking a hip as she turns to face her. “Fine, maybe I wouldn’t have. But it’s not my fault emotions are so complicated!” 

Priyanka sighs dramatically, patting Kyne’s shoulder, tossing the dirty tissue in the trash before taking her hand to get out of the bathroom.

They wave through the crowd to find Scarlett and Bo perched against one of the windows for the smokers, talking between drags and occasionally eyeing the people around them. Scarlett asks what took them so long, shouting over the blasting music, and Priyanka just says the bathroom was full. 

Scarlett barely cares for her reply, and Bo just suggests they should take a selfie before anyone else’s make-up starts melting. Priyanka swats her in the arm, but ends up giving in, and they somehow manage to take a picture they all like within three tries. That, in itself, is a miracle. 

They take some more, just to be sure, before Scarlett proposes to buy one last round of drinks—closing time is soon, but it seems like that won’t stop her, so they drag Priyanka along and Kyne stands in her spot, guarding it while she talks to Bo.

“What do you think of this one?” She asks, showing Bo a picture she took at the beginning of the night, striking a pose on the balcony of Priyanka’s apartment, staring at the camera with her signature resting bitch face, but make it fashion. Her tight black leather skirt hugged her curves, and her hot pink crop top looked great against her skin.

Bo takes the phone with her free hand, dying cigarette in the other, and looks at it for a moment before nodding with a complicit smile. “You look hot, do I have to suppose Scarlett took it?”

“You know it.” She gives her a wink, typing in the caption Scarlett’s username, because they always get mad if they don’t get credited for the photos they take of their friends, and stops before posting. “I don’t have a caption in mind right now, do you?” Kyne looks at her, and Bo blows out the smoke before answering.

“I dunno, I always put either a stupid pun or a sex lyric.” Bo shrugs, and it’s not really of much help, but after a moment, Kyne googles the lyrics of that new Pussycat Dolls song. 

The less you do, the more it makes me crazy, she reads, squinting slightly. Kyne supposses it’s somehow fitting—it takes Kiara to smile for her to feel all sorts of things. She hopes it’s a hint discreet enough, and presses post before she chickens out.

It seems like the queue to get a drink hasn’t slowed down, because Scarlett and Priyanka have yet to return, so she checks her phone every so often, definitely not to see if Kiara had liked her photo, between her casual conversation with Bo as she finishes her cigarette.

Bo is saying something about this guy that has been looking at her intently for the past ten minutes when Kyne checks her phone yet again. She was going to lock it again after briefly going through her notifications—until something stuck out to her.

@kiara.qc commented on your photo: “you’re hotter than hell”. Followed by three fire emojis.

She tries to fight back a toothy grin, but that’s next to impossible, and her fingers hover over the screen for a second too long, mind blank.

“Geez, girl, can you make it any more obvious that you’re whipped for Miss Bitch Heiress?” Bo says, and though she tries to play it off as a joke, Kyne knows her well enough to detect the underlying annoyance.

“Don’t call her that,” she says, “She’s not a bitch. And what if I am, anyway?”

Bo merely rolls her eyes, her cigarette all but finished as she stomps on it to light it off. “Oh, c’mon, as if you don’t know,” she scoffs, and it comes off just a little too rude for Kyne’s liking.

“The fuck you mean? Know what?” She squints, locking her phone and placing it in her front pocket. Bo cocks a brow, folding her arms.

“Oh, so you don’t know Kiara fires the girls she sleeps with?”

Kyne’s heart stops for a second, all the color draining from her face as she stares at Bo, curiosity in her expression. She tries to ask why does she think that, but she struggles to form a coherent sentence. 

“I think you forget that me and Scarlett have been working for the company for years now,” she proceeds after a moment, “I was already in my position as PR manager when she started working half-time. And of course she got the special treatment and climbed to an important position within a month there, so now me and Scarlett were receiving orders from a teen fresh from high school.” Kyne wants to say that technically it’s not Kiara’s fault, but Bo goes on before she can open her mouth. “Then, of course she started to sleep around with some of our co-workers. Suspiciously enough, most of them were fired or quit the job shortly after.”

Kyne feels the dread pool at the pit of her stomach—there’s no way this is true, it has to be manufactured office drama, or maybe what really happened was extremely taken out of context. But there’s no way in hell Kiara is that type of person.

“Maybe she’s changed,” she muses, wanting to have the faintest hope that it’s not true. Bo squeezes her shoulder, giving her a pitiful smile.

“Listen, bitch, I love you and shit, but if I were you I’d stop this before you’re way too into it.”

It’s too late, Kyne thinks, chewing the inside of her cheek.

Priyanka and Scarlett come back shortly after it, and Kyne doesn’t speak to Bo for the rest of the night.

***

When Kyne wakes up next morning, she has a heavenly hangover, and a feeling of hollowness in her heart.

Bo’s words haunted her for the rest of the night, her demeanor doing a full 180°. Fortunately enough, Priyanka and Scarlett were too drunk to notice. But Bo was sober, since she didn’t like to drink, and was their assigned driver, anyway. She did pick up on her change, and Kyne was thankful she was the first one she dropped off once the club closed and they had to go home.

Her bed was a mess, just like her mind, and she didn’t have the strength to reach for her phone and check her latest post on Instagram, knowing Kiara was at the top of the comment section.

Everything she knew to be true about her is suddenly put to the test, and Kyne doesn’t know if she should believe her best friend, who’s only seeking out for her, or Kiara, who has been nothing but kind and sweet and nothing like people think. But maybe Kyne is a little too biased.

And then there’s the fact they’re not really sleeping together, or dating for real, for that matter; if that was true, she can’t fire her once they’re done pretending—or can she? 

She groans out loud, tossing and turning in her bed. Her head is pounding, aching from last night, and the least she needs is over-heating it with such incoherent train of thought.

She’d like to think she’s able to stop liking Kiara for the sake of making things easier once they inevitably break up and things get awkward when people wonder why are they still hanging out, as if nothing happened—she’d really like to, but it’s easier said than done, for her heart plummets against her ears when she replies to Kiara’s comment with a simple red heart, and clicks on her profile, finding that she also posted a photo from last night.

Kyne sighs, admiring the photo a second too long before liking it and locking her phone, knowing things will be awkward on Monday morning.

[fancybelieverdinosaur]

Emma happy with the team performance today but she was extra happy with Beth England and how she is back on the level she is suppossed to be.

Also once again Super Fran got good comments from Hayes. Emma reveals that Fran was dissapointed to be subbed off the pitch as she was so close to hat trick.

To be honest she was almost getting that third goal so I am sure she was annoyed. Id be too.

[tenglows]

32, 52 & 55 w/ Lucas, Johnny or Jaehyun (u choose :P) with a fluffy ending pls!!

[ 32: i guess i was wrong about you ] + [ 52: why is everyone so intimidated by you? ] + [ 55: then why are you blushing? ]

the prompts

this was not how you were thinking of spending a saturday night. sure, perhaps partying wasn't something you were opposed to. but you would prefer getting wasted with your friends and dancing with strangers. not being thrown into a small room with jaehyun, because you just had to play to seven minutes in heaven.

“well” you started, the darkness not even being able to conceal the awkwardness between you two.

the first couple of minutes were spent in silence, your back laid against the door and jaehyun on the other end of the room.

you had nothing against this game, but it would have been better if you had gotten paired up with someone you had actually talked to before. you didn’t know much about jaehyun, only what you noticed and heard from other people. he seemed shy in classes, being probably the only well-behaved student who cared enough to raise his hand in order to talk. you had noticed he never went to the parties you went to, therefore you got surprised seeing him at today’s. but then again, it probably had to do with the fact it was thrown by a more chilled guy than the ones you tended to hang out with.

“why is everyone so intimidated by you?” he suddenly smashed the silence into pieces, which was as delicate as a glass. you felt his body approaching yours, the empty air between them dissolving. “they talk about you breaking so many boys' hearts. but if you're that tough, then why are you blushing?”

“there's no way you can see me blush in this darkness”

“there's still some light, y/n. you'd be amazed by the thinks you can see in the dark”

he was right. there wasn’t enough dimness to not be able to see anything at all. and as he came nearer, you could make out the slight smirk on his face.

“so, seems like you’ve heard about me” you tried to keep up your facade, crossing your arms and raising an eyebrow. but if you had to be honest, you were caught off guard by the boy’s unforeseen personality.

“of course, the school’s heartbreaker” he smiled and took another step, one that made your chests finally brush. you gulped and struggled to mantain eye contact. “tell me, why are you blushing so much?”

“you are really close” you breathed out in a low voice.

“but you keep getting closer” right when you thought you couldn’t get more confounded, jaehyun started tracing a finger along your lower lip.

this shouldn’t be happening. you were always the one playing and making the other person flustered. it wasn’t suppossed to be you in that position. no one had ever made you feel unprepared like this before. and jung jaehyun was the last person you expected that could achieve that.

“time’s up!” someone screamed from outside and brutally opened the door, almost making you fall on your back. your eyes kept fixed on jaehyun, who seemed unbothered by the entire situation.

“you surprise me”

“i guess i was wrong about you too, jaehyun” you managed to smirk and leave the room, still with your legs somewhat shaking. but pretending they totally weren’t.

[thechampagnelovers]

I am not even gonna lie, when I got into One Direction I was literally 11 years old. I didn‘t really tell anybody but I thought their music just slapped. Like I would pretend to not know every single word to WMYB in front of my brother (because he‘s older and that automatically means they have an unspoken right to bully you 😔) but I was just so into it. I hate to admit it but I am one of those people who got Harry‘s audition reccomended and I fell into a hole a month after they got formed. But what 100% got me to stay and to love them was the way they presented themselves as a band and as individuals. I mean I am not going to rip open all the details because you summed it up quite well and I feel it is a general notion in this fandom that we truly appreciate them for who they are but yeah I care for them exactly because of that and that is also the reason I am still here 10 years later. Which is absolutely bonkers to me, as I am loyal to things I like but when I think about all the obsessions I had when I grew up... the way they are is the only reason I can think of when I ask myself why I stuck with them through and through.

I can definitely see where you are coming from with the album. I mean to this day I sometimes listen to Icarus Falls and I am like oh damn I totally forgot this existed but it is SO good. So I think you‘ve got a point there. I‘d like to see something energetic from him! Maybe the next single? 👀 I got the Nobody Is Listening sweater because it just spoke to me and I love black on red so so much. I thought I deserved something nice too, I feel better about it thank you! Ohh and it‘s the 22nd so still a bit of time but it was a pre-order thing anyway that gets shipped in Februrary so I thought why not?

I think you have good arguments on that point! I am just a bit disappointed sometimes that I bought in to the narrative at times and sometimes I didn‘t grasp what was going on. I mean to be fair I was always really respectful of or tried to be at least but granted I was 11-16 I don‘t think I got half of it to be honest. For me it was always light and fun. And it still is I am just more aware. So yes I don‘t neccessarily think it is bad and appreciate that I comprehend a lot if it differently now but sometimes I still get mixed feelings about it...

I am not sure about the break! I think he just said he would be away a while... I can’t imagine it being anything to worry about! Oh my goddd this is so long again and it isn‘t even over. I am so sorry to your followers! Maybe I should split these up even more haha x

okay, it’s getting more and more scarier how similar we are. i was also 11-12 when i got into their music and 10 years later, after so many childhood obsessions and crushes, here we are, still strong dsfjkshkj and i think you summed up the reasons perfectly. also that little story about your brother made me smile so much like djjskj how cute is that lol 

i loooove hearing about each fan’s experiences on how they got into the fandom, it’s so cute <3 

the 22nd is not that far away, hopefully it’ll arrive for your bday! 

ugh, the mixed feelings, i get what you mean. i take fandom lightly and fun, it’s my safe space to have fun and disconnect, but if looking deeper into the “drama”and the “tea” makes you feel weird, then you shouldn’t. no one is forcing you. you’re suppossed to have fun here, it’s not mandatory to be “aware” of everything going on (because tbh no one is completely aware of every little detail, and the people who are, they’re insane). me myself ignore a lot of shit because i choose to, and that doesn’t make me any less of a fan, or anyone for that matter. i think it’s also a part of growing up, seeing the world in a different perspective and finding out things are not like they seem :/ but always remember you have control over how you want to enjoy the boys and their music and how do you want to engage with the fandom

to all my mutuals and followers who have to scroll endlessly through this asks..... sorry dskjfdjksfjsk nony make them as long as you want!!! don’t apologize <3

[hazbin-hotel-aesthetics-quotes]

1) Mama, i'm on a dilemma, a troubly one. Can you give me any tips?let me start, when i was like 11 years old, my parents started to say things like "if you still eating like this, you´ll become a pig" "you´re not suppossed to eat like this" or "why do you keep offering her more food?"in every single familiar food, so i started to feel bad about how my body looks. Then i went to the secondary school, and i wasn´t better, i was worse to be honest. I never told anyone.

Little one, I'm terribly sorry for what you're going through.

First of all your parents unfortunately did what some parents do. They tried, and still trying, to control you by instilling fear, shame and guilt in you. Perhaps their intent was not evil, but they hurt you, ruining the relationship with food and your body. And this is really bad.

You're so young, and I know that at that you hate you body, but there's nothing wrong with how you are. You are already perfect as you are, and you'll be perfect even with a few extra kilos or pounds. The only really important thing is your health. And eating is part of being healthy, especially because you're growing and need nourishment.

If you struggles please talk to a doctor, don't avoid food and don't stop eating for fear of getting fat or for fear of your parents.

Mama loves you, little one, and hugs you tightly. Feel free to write to me whenever you want. I and all the other little demons love you and cheer for you.

[nurse-log]

whenever some random ass family member is like “hoooo remember me????? i visited u when u were 3!!! u was a cute lil [boy]!!!” and of course since i dont fuckin know em i’m like bitch im sorry but i aint know or remember you ass its been 17 years

and apparently its rude to be honest???? like fuck what am i suppossed to say??? oh yeah i fucken remember it so well i remember that exact moment more than the entirety of high school aye

[hurricanehenry]

Saudi Arabia beheads 81 people yesterday as Biden seeks more oil from it. Meanwhile Trudeau is silent The Trudeau Gov tried to spin last month's announcement as a major shift in border policy (rapid antigen tests finally accepted). It wasn't. Int'l travellers are planning summer trips now. Canada must lift *all* testing requirements for vaccinated int'l travellers. The Banks Went After Journalist Andy Lee For Covering the Freedom Convoy — The National Telegraph —this is tantamount to targeted suppression & censorship to ensure that our Govt can influence or candidly control the narrative. This should alarm you !! https://t.co/lqxAI0h5T1 Everyone I speak to is worried about rising grocery bills, gas prices and increasing carbon tax. Millions will struggle to keep a roof over their head & feed their families. Their priority is not Ukraine, its how they are going to survive in . Canada is not Trudeau's priority. Jean Charest is basically Justin Trudeau with a better vocabulary, don't you agree? Jean Charest is basically Justin Trudeau with a better vocabulary, don't you agree? Any serious inquiry has to take an honest look at Trudeaus bigotry, and lack of leadership, that actually led to the crisis. Trudeau has been calling Canadians racist for years. Just how much abuse were Canadian's suppossed to take from him? TRUDEAU - on the unvaccinated. “They don’t believe in science/progress and are very often misogynistic and racist.This leads us, as a leader and as a country, to make a choice: Do we tolerate these people?" Fascism looks like this! https://twitter.com/i/status/1477294602180825091 https://twitter.com/i/status/1477294602180825091 https://twitter.com/i/status/1477294602180825091 https://twitter.com/i/status/1477294602180825091 https://www.instagram.com/p/CbG1Gf0tjz9/?utm_medium=tumblr

[facepalming-since-chernobyl]

I think of Oreos like I think of Nutella or Dr Pepper to be honest: all foul-tasting but people or the internet hyped them up so much, everyone here thinks they're all the greatest things since sliced bread when to me, they are all utterly nasty. I still remember when I first tasted Dr Pepper and I swear it tasted exactly like this horrible tonic I had to drink as a child because my health sucked. Yuck! But I'm a non-American with contrarian tastes, so.

You know, I have soem sentiment for Nutella, because when i was a kid, we were too poor to buy it. But then some French kids of my dad's friend came for vacations and they had it, and ate it and I could have not, because they had one jar and it suppossed to be enough for their whole staying, so I was just eating my bread (probably with butter and salt) and they were eating Nutella.

This is probably my hate for French football team origin story, lol

Anyway, I still kind of like the taste, but now, when I kow how they produce it and how they fuck the workers and environment they can just kiss my ass.