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igotlovestruck · 1 year ago

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mr lover [ ben chilwell ]

— right where you left lover girl sequel, this takes place two years later!

[ 𝗣𝗔𝗜𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗦 ] — ben chilwell x singer!reader . ⊹ ✶ ㄔ 🫂 °. *

[ 𝗗𝗘𝗧𝗔𝗜𝗟𝗦 & 𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦 ] — romance, mentions pregnancy, google translated french . ⊹ ✶ ㄔ ℹ️ °. *

࣪˖ 💭 .. 𝗘𝗬𝗔’𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗧𝗘𝗦 ⌕ clearing my drafts again 😵‍💫 if you ask me, i’m obsessed with singer!reader fics lol

this work is purely fictional. names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. © httpsuniverse, 2023. do not steal, repost in other platforms, translate and/or claim this work as your own.

benchilwell

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benchilwell family time

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user am i reading this right ?? ‘family’ time ??

user his dog clinging to y/n is the cutest thing ever

user they’re such dog parents 😭

yourusername my babyyy my babyyy

benchilwell which one?

yourusername one of you will be in a lot of pain if i say who

benchilwell 🙄

yourusername

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yourusername look at me, i am the favourite hooman now.

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user not y/n quoting from captain phillips 😭

benchilwell once i get back home, i will take my title back

yourusername NONSENSE! you cannot dethrone the current favourite hooman

user y/n saying hooman instead of human 😭 that’s so dog momma of her

yourusername i birthed this child

benchilwell huh

yourusername huh

user pls he looks so comfy on y/n’s lap, he’s obviously not a lap dog

yourusername if he fits, he sits

user agreed 🤝

user why did all this time i thought y/n was a cat person

user she literally loves any kind of animal 😭 she adopted a ferret when she was a kid

yourusername omg !! mr fuzzy wuzzy was my childhood pet 🥹 maybe i should adopt another ferret

benchilwell what? no way

yourusername heheheheheheheeh

benchilwell

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benchilwell home is where the heart is.

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yourusername but god i love the english

benchilwell you know i love a london boy

yourusername 🫣🫣

user ben at this point, you really are the extra hooman

benchilwell i cant blame him

yourusername i told you i birthed this dog

benchilwell 😂

yourprivate

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yourprivate hehe oops

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mikaspriv what the fuck is this how i find out ?!?!?!!

yourprivate heheheheheheheeheh

mikaspriv IM PACKING MY BAGS AND HOPPING ON THE NEXT PLANE

benspriv little chilly 🔜

masonspriv i never wouldve known if i hadnt opened this account

reecespriv me too mate

christiansprivme three

jackspriv me four

benspriv me five

yourpriv what

benspriv what

yourusername and benchilwell

liked by masonmount, chelseafc, england, madders and 8,826,937 others

yourusername we’re getting him a human in a few months 🙈

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benchilwell babe i thought we already agreed what the caption will be

yourusername mines funnier

benchilwell 🙄

masonmount who thought that covering his eyes would be cute

yourusername mine. do you have any problem with that? 😀

masonmount i don’t maam, it’s a great idea, very very cute!

user this is the cutest announcement 😭

user as a fellow dog mummy, i approve of this post!

weratedogs 100/10 for being such a good boy and will be the goodest big brother!

user as a y/n fan since debut, i feel OLD (we’re the same age)

yourusername omg since debut album?!?!?! 😳 we have to meet like RIGHT NOW

user y/n went from writing how she’s stuck in the past, to loving herself and loving a new person 🥹 now she’s probably gonna write something about her baby ... just thinking about it rn makes me emotional

— ❤️ by yourusername

england congratulations benchilwell and yourusername! 🤍

chelseafc shall we make a onesie for baby chilwell?

yourusername omg YES PLEASE

benchilwell 🤦🏻‍♂️

yourusername JUST IMAGINE HOW CUTE OUR BABY WILL BE ON THAT ONESIE

benchilwell

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benchilwell eleanor chilwell is here 🩷👨🏻‍🍼 you did good mama, i’m proud and grateful to you, yourusername. i love you both

comments on this post have been limited.

yourusername thank you dada, we love you too 🩷

yourusername

liked by benchilwell, charles_leclerc and 3,826,929 others

yourusername the happiest i’ve ever been 🩷 merci pour tout mon benji. je t'aime toi et eleanor de tout mon coeur. (thank you for everything, my benji. i love you and eleanor with all my heart)

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benchilwell 🩷🩷

user several chapters missed but i’m glad to see you so happy y/n 🥹

user i was surprised when they announced she was pregnant, bit i was more surprised to know that they’re married now 😭

user the hand placements of ben 😭

user i’m so alone yall

user AAA y/n 🥺

user literally went from being dog parents to real parents 🥺🩷

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ─────────────────

yourusername and benchilwell

2,836,729 likes

yourusername darling, don’t you ever grow up... just stay this little. happy birthday my sweet eleanor🩷 mama (with the help of dada) wrote a song for you baby, me and dada loves you sooo much. never grow up out now ✨

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benchilwell growing up too fast, my ellie bear 🥲

user ellie bear... 😭 bens such a girl dad

user stopp im emo im not even a parent

user omg eleanor looks so cute!!

user milks expensive, im too young to be a mum

user my daily mantra every time i see ben or y/n post eleanor

user they have a little ballerina 🥺

user 4 years old already? 😭 time really flew by omg

yourusername i know right 🥺

user y/n and her happy ending 🥺 CURRENTLY TAKING A BATH WITH MY TOASTER RN

#ben chilwell fluff #ben chilwell imagine #ben chilwell x reader #ben chilwell #ben chilwell scenario #ben chilwell x you #ben chilwell x y/n #football imagine #football x y/n #football x you #football x reader #ben chilwell instagram au #football instagram au

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shark-myths · 2 months ago

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hi!!!! ive probably sent an ask like this before but how do you keep up the motivation to finish a longer fic? whenever i start writing a fic i know will be long i end up abandoning it or getting bored or not knowing how to continue / end it. the few multichaptered fics ive posted are incomplete and i dont know when they’ll be finished. i have a couple of longer fics in drafts but it just feels like such a challenge to finish them. how do you do it?

ooh i love this question! i am proud of being a finisher--in all my years of writing fic (it's been... many), i have only ever once started posting something i didn't finish. i generally wait until i'm really confident i can finish a fic before i begin posting it. sometimes, as you may have experience in real time with Rosewood Lane, there is a looooong time between updates... but i usually like to keep an update schedule. giving myself deadlines works really well to motivate me and keep myself organized! i also tend to be a daily writer, i'm happiest when i have a little time to sit down every morning and work on a project, whether that's rereading, editing, or writing deeper into the story. i actually am usually trying to make my fics shorter than they end up, but i feel like most stories have their shape already and know how long they need to be to do what i want them to, and i'm merely hanging on. i would love to get better at writing short pieces. having cheerleaders and readers helps too! i find it so exciting to share updates with everyone.

when a story gets boring--and this does happen to me--i try to jump around and write any shred of it i can find that feels interesting, or i go back to the last part that felt interesting and either change or entirely scrap what comes after it that went flat for me. i also avoid any type of real outlining or plotting (sometimes this is pretty obvious in my finished product, oops) because once i know everything that's going to happen, the why and how and where of a story's arc, i lose interest in writing it. i'm in it for the surprise and whatever's coming around the bend! if i have it all planned out, there feels to be very little point in actually writing it--instead it starts to feel like a dreaded task to me. work, not writing.

i also sometimes leave stories alone for a long time. i did this with Footnote, and i did it with Dirty Enough to Love, and i did it with my 1950s au when it was too much GENDER and REALITY for me to deal with. these don't see the light of day while they're on the back burner; the pressure to post can turn right into avoidance and dislike of a project for me, which is why i am so slow to start posting a story even when a significant portion is already written.

so i guess, writing tips from a shark, tl;dr version:

give yourself a schedule for writing and posting that feels organized and manageable

don't rush to start posting, this can turn an unfinished story into a task you want to avoid

find someone you can share your excitement with, whether they're in the fandom or not, and talk about your ideas and intentions with them

trust the length a story wants to be

also, trust yourself about the length of story you interested in writing

if it's boring, try telling it differently. jump ahead, jump back, delete the scene that got you stuck, change something, drop part of the narrative, skip some time or detail

don't be afraid to abandon something and come back to it months or years later

create more mystery and unknowns in the story to keep yourself interested. hide things from yourself! throw wrenches in your best-laid plans! let your characters completely sabotage you! obscure the path ahead so you are interested by the task of finding it again.

whatever you do, just keep writing. you will have a lifelong relationship to the craft and it will change over time, like our bodies, like the seasons. be where the joy is right now and don't get too worried about where you want to be later.

thank you for the thoughtful question! happy writing 💜

#writing #asks #great question!#thank you dear

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luvistqrzzz · 2 years ago

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me personally i think you need to write something sunoo

you're the one i want at the end of the day

01:54 sunoo x f.reader genre: timestamp, f2l, fluff wc: 0.9k warnings: being drunk, profanity, one kiss

summary: when a piggy back ride home leads you to another destination

an: the fact that i had this in my draft for ages and was thinking when to post it😭😭... TYSM for reuquesting this luv🫶🫶 hope you enjoy this <3... i wrote this in a whim one day so excuse me if this isnt that good :/

'Sunoo-ahhhh', You slurred as the said boy dragged you out of Jay’s front door.

Jake, Jay's roommate who was leaning against the door frame, made a disgusted face, 'Fuck, get her out of her. How is she so wasted?'

Turning towards Jake, you raised an accusatory finger at him, 'Yah! I am not… Wasted!'

'Sure you aren't, Y/N', Sunoo whisper screamed. 'Now, let's go.'

After somehow managing to pull a drunk girl out of the house, he sat down on the curb beside you who was swaying slightly before you plopped your head down on Sunoo's shoulder.

The boy stiffened for a fraction of a section, feeling you so close before relaxing again. He was glad that it was 1 o'clock in the morning and the dim street light hid his blushing cheeks.

He put an arm around you, slightly shaking you, 'Y/Nie, get up, we need to get to the apartment.'

You pulled your head up. 'Nope! I won't. I like it here, with you.' You giggled, snuggling closer to your roommate plus best friend.

Sunoo couldn't help the butterflies filling his stomach, this was so unlike you. Alcohol and its effects. 'We are sitting on a curb', he sighed, making you stand up with him.

You whined a bit before Sunoo pulled up behind him in a piggy back style. 'You have left me no choice, Y/L/N Y/N.'

Thankfully the apartment was just a few blocks from Jay’s place.

Walking down an empty road in a cool summer night, Sunoo felt a calming silence settle between the two of you.

He turned his head back to find your head on his shoulder, looking up towards the starry night sky. He felt a funny little happiness in him at the sight of your beautiful drunken face staring into the dark abyss.

'It's so pretty', you mumbled innocently, having sobered up a bit.

Sunoo nodded but you continued, 'I can count 1, 2, 3… 14, 15 and yes, 16!' You exclaimed looking at Sunoo. 'My 16th star, you.'

He chuckled at your antics, his heart doing a little leap, 'Y/N, you aren't in your right mind.'

What were you even implying? Sunoo didn't want his mind to run into false assumptions but the way you looked at his and pressed your cheek against his, he almost wished you felt the same. Almost.

'I am, Kim Sunoo! You are prettier than those stars, you know.'

'Oh really?!' He continued walking.

'Did you also know?' You whispered into his ear, giggling. 'That I like you Kim Sunoo so so much! Oops! That was a secret.' You whimpered, I don't think you like me back, though.'

Sunoo couldn't even control his beating heart and the way his stomach was jumping at each of your words. Were you being real? No no, these must be your drunken words.

But a small voice inside his head spoke, Aren't drunken words sober thoughts…?

You couldn't possibly like him… right?

Well, wrong because the poor red haired boy didn't know how hopelessly in love you were with him, how he was the literal sunshine of your life and how you would give anything to make him feel happy.

Sunoo stopped in his tracks as you whispered, 'I really mean it, Sunoo-ah. I might be a bit drunk but- Ouch!' You yelped as he suddenly dropped his arms causing you to tightly grip on to his shoulders with your feet dangling. Being short definitely had its disadvantages.

You grimaced, placing your feet on the ground. Your head spun a little as you tried to position yourself but you were a lot more sober than the past five minutes, thanks to your sudden words.

The boy before turned around to face you, 'Did you…' He began, however interrupted by you.

'At least give me a warning before dropping me off like that!' You huffed, turning your gaze away from his, shy from your sudden earlier confession.

However, you had to admit that it was long coming. You just needed the push of liquid courage.

Sunoo moved closer to you, taking your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him. You felt your cheeks burn up at the sudden contact.

'Did you…' he continued, 'Mean what you said two minutes back?'

You looked down at your feet, fidgeting, 'Would you hate me if I said I did? Would you sto-'.

No, you couldn't continue because in the next moment you saw Sunoo step closer to you, taking your face in his hands and met eyes with you, they held this intensity in them, saying something. 'No', he breathed out. 'I wouldn't hate you. I could never hate you, Y/N. I- i like you too.'

You almost couldn't help the smile forming as you closed the distance. Sunoo tensed a bit before melting into the kiss and pulling you by the waist.

When he finally broke the kiss, you looked up towards his bright eyes before you both bursted into a fit of giggles.

'Do you think the convenience store will still be open now?' You wondered.

Sunoo frowned, 'Why do you ask?!'

You smiled, taking his hand, before replying, 'I wanna sober up.'

'... And maybe have a late night picnic at the park beside it with my boyfriend!'

permanent taglist - open send an ask to be added - @rikizm @str0l0gy

feedbacks and reblogs are appreciated!

work belongs to @/luvistqrzzz do not copy repost or translate my work

#enhypen imagines #— works !#enhanet #hyfenet #enhypen fanfiction #sunoo x reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen fanfics #enhypen smau #sunoo fanfic #enhypen au #sunoo imagines #kim sunoo #enha fics #enhypen fluff #sunoo fluff

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bregee13 · 1 year ago

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Thumbelina 1 (part 3)

(part one) (part two)

Anyway, back at home...

In the movie Mama instead says how much she hates frogs. Interesting.

Also in the movie, Maya wants to keep the frog. Interesting. Again.

So Maya (annoyed) throws the frog out the window. Maya has quite the attitude, huh? She just flings it out the window.

Maya you brat.

DAAAANG MOM!!! Did you REALLY have to throw shade at your own daughter like that?? Though I guess that’s a good way to get her interested.

Maya. You said you didn’t care 5 seconds ago.

She says as he Mama laughs and the scene fades to her reading the book to her lol.

So after she starts reading, she gets all sleepy.

But much to the dismay of Maya, Mama falls asleep and drops the book.

Maya is about to storm out of the room in frustration when she picks up the book herself.

Huh, I didn’t know she has blue eyes. I thought they were like brown or green or something. Oops.

RIP

(Edit: hey this has been sitting in my drafts since 2020. Which was 3 to 4 years ago... I didn't finish this series as getting screenshots, comparing to the 'movie', and recapping this heavily made me burn out lol. I'll continue blogging these episodes, just a lot differently. And without the small image limit we had in 2020, no reason to split each episode into several posts like this!)

As for things current me would like to add about the episode, here we go;

In the anime, the frogs show up seeking revenge for Maya mistreating them and throwing Hoppy's mom out the window earlier. However, in the 'movie', this connection is not made and instead they are just there looking for a bride for their son Hoppy. In both versions, they try to kidnap her for this reason, but fail.

There seems to be a bit of hatred toward to human race from some characters. Or maybe that's just the rat. It'd be interesting to see that point come up again in the future.

The way Maya mistakes both the good and bad witch for her mother is so sad.

Can you imagine being a little kid who lost their mom, seeing the image of her morph into a twisted being that maybe wants to hurt you? Dang!

Anyway, that's the end of the first episode reactions! Watch it if you haven't yet!

youtube

#Thumbelina Anime Reaction #rambling #Youtube

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disappointing-my-kid · 2 years ago

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Luigi wanting to have a private talk with his brother. Mario thinks his bro is finally gonna open up about what Bowser did to him. After all it’s clear to everyone something happened. So Mario steels himself to hear about what kind of torture the evil pezzo di merda did to his little brother.

They sit down at the table and Luigi is fidgeting with his hands. He takes a deep breath and meets Marios gaze. “So um bro, I know you probably don’t want talk to me about this but theres something I need to know you know.” Ok Mario no long has any idea where this is going. Luigi glances away for a moment, but quickly regains eye contact. He reaches forward place his hands on his brothers. To which Mario glances down at, completely confused. “You can say no to the princess. Just because she’s royalty doesn’t mean you have to do anything you are uncomfortable with.”

All at once Mario understood what his brother meant. Face heating up, he was sure it would be the colour of his hat. “Oh my god, we are not talking about this.” He pulled his hands away and started to get up. Luigi quickly shot up and grabbed his brothers hand, stopping him from escaping. “Mario wait. I know it’s awkward but I need you to hear this. I just need to know that you dont have to do what she wants if you dont want to!” He pleaded. Mario froze in his tracks at hearing the desperation in his brothers voice. Sighing he turned to face his brother. When he looked into his face all he could see was concern. “Lu, if this is really that important to you then me and the princess haven’t done anything that one of us didn’t consent to, ok?” Seeing his brother release a sigh of relief made him wonder. “Where is all this coming from anyway?” Luigi’s gaze fell just the slightest. “Ah well um you uh know how the uh princess always talked about being a prisoner to Bowser.” Ah so this is the conversation Mario thought he would be having. Finally his brother is opening up about his time in the Darklands, but the context just confused him. “Yeah?” Luigi isnt meeting his gaze anymore. Concerning. “Well um she always talked about it like being a vacation. Or uh how nice Bowser was to her. She said he could be a little rough?” Mario wasn’t sure he liked where this was going. Not that he really understood where it was going yet. “Yeaaah?” This is what Luigi had been dreading. He knew if he talked about his time in Bowser dungeon he would break. Tears started to prick the edges of his eyes as his voice wobbled, more than usual. As he spoke he rolled up he sleeve to revel harsh rope burns on his wrists and bruises all the way up “It-it’s not”

Oops lost interest halfway through sorry yall. Ill post it anyway so it doesn’t live in my drafts for a week like the rest of my long posts

Bowser finally accepted that Peach wont ever love him but since he hates Mario so much he decides to kidnap his brother. The green on or whatever.

Since its not a princess and hes not trying to make Luigi marry him maybe Bowser is a bit meaner in this kidnapping. Ropes or chains either way they are actually made to hold the man. Cell in the dungeon of course. Why would this thorn in his side get a fancy guest room like the princess. Just toss em in what does he care.

Mean while Luigi after hearing Peach talk about how bad the kidnappings aren’t is one terrified out of his mind that Bowser has snapped and is gonna kill someone for once and two worried about his brother cause clearly the princess is into some weird shit.

I plan to write for this if yall want it but my shower ran out of hot water so i cant atm. It will have to wait till next time.

#idk how to tag this #adult themes #was supposed to be funny #joke gone wrong #liz writes #Luigi #Mario #angst #wasn’t supposed to be angst

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platoniclokiimagines · 2 years ago

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What if Loki like hit his head on a mission and got amnesia?? So he's like... old reasonable and rational prince Loki who doesn't know taking over the world or being a frost giant and really likes his bro and is sneaky but nice or whatever??

A/N: I truly thought I had posted this already, until I saw the prompt still in my drafts and was like… oops?

Rating: PG

WC: 3415

TW: Mention of amnesia/head trauma

“Loki, can you hearme?”

“Stark, get medevachere now.”

“Hold on, brother.We’ll get you out of here in no time.”

You could still hear everyone’s overlapping voices echoingin your head as you waited in one of the too-white rooms in the hospital wing,sat in an uncomfortable armchair at the bedside of your best friend as theyslept.

Rather, as they remained unconscious after the nasty blowthey’d taken to their head on the mission you’d just gotten home from. You’dall tried every way in the book to get Loki to remain conscious afterward,fearful of a long-lasting concussion, but Loki had hardly been awake the entiretime it took to get medevac to land, and by the time you’d gotten them onto thehelicopter, they had passed out.

You hadn’t left their side for anything since, waiting forthem to wake back up. In truth, you were feeling a little guilty. You had beentheir mission partner, and had been distracted when they took the hit, so youcouldn’t help but to feel like it was your fault that Loki had gone down. Whichwas why you wanted to be the first thing they saw when they woke up, if only sothat you could apologize immediately.

“Any change?”

You looked up to see Thor standing in the doorway, a mug ofsomething steaming in each hand, and he offered one to you before sitting downat Loki’s other side.

You shook your head, wrapping your hands around the mug towarm yourself. “They keep stirring every so often, but… nothing.”

As if on cue, Loki began to shift again, only this time youcould tell they were trying to wake up, and you glanced at Thor anxiously asyou sat your mug down on the bedside table and leaned closer.

You only had to wait a short while; Loki didn’t take long atall to open their eyes and blink around the room blearily, gaze still a littledistant. You gave them some quiet to collect themself before speaking in a softvoice.

“Loki… Hey. How are you feeling?”

Loki startled at the sound of your voice, their whole bodyangling in your direction as they looked at you appraisingly, as though theywere trying to place how they knew you, and it took a few long moments for themto speak. “…madame.”

The formality of the title gave you pause, as well as theirtone. Like they were trying to be polite whilst also being very confused attheir current situation. You might have laughed, if you didn’t feel thebeginnings of dread settling in the pit of your stomach.

“…bit formal, don’t you think?” You cut your eyes across toThor, and Loki followed your gaze, seeming to relax the slightest bit when theyrecognized him.

“…brother?”

Thor softened to a degree you’d never seen from him before.“Yes, Loki. I’m here.”

Loki’s brow furrowed briefly as he looked from Thor, back toyou for a brief second, and then back to Thor. “…shouldn’t you be getting readyfor your coronation? And how did I end up in here? Is this some sort of ahospital wing? It doesn’t look much like Asgard.”

You blanched, and as you met Thor’s gaze again, you couldtell he was feeling just as confused as you were.

“Loki, what? My coronation? That happened a long time ago.”

Loki made a face. “Are you having a go at me? I hardly thinkour father would have let me oversleep and miss your coronation. No matter howhard I seem to have hit my head…” They trailed off, rubbing at the base oftheir skull, and you were glad they at least seemed to be aware of that much.

“…how hard did you hit your head? You’re acting unlikeyourself.”

“I’m acting just fine,thank you very much. You’re the oneacting weird.” Loki turned to look at you, then, with the most diplomaticallyapologetic expression you’d ever seen on their face. “My apologies, my lady, mybrother can be a bit of a buffoonsometimes.”

“Hey,” Thor whined, but you were a little too busy staringat Loki with complete and utter confusion.

“…right. Excuse me for just a brief moment…” You stood and gave Thor a look. “Thor, if you’d come into the hallway with me for a second.”

Thor looked very confused, but followed you out into thehallway, and once the door was closed, you turned to look at him.

“So clearly they’ve got amnesia,” you stated, as though itwere the most obvious explanation.

Thor made a face. “Uh… what? There’s no way.”

You rolled your eyes. “Loki took the hit of the century onthat mission, frankly we’re lucky it’s justamnesia. That might go away, in time, if we’re careful with them.”

“So, what, you’re saying my brother just completely forgotabout me and everything that’s happened since before my coronation?” His tonewent from haughty to concerned as he processed what he was saying. “They don’tremember everything we’ve been through. They don’t know they’re a good guy yet.Technically, they don’t know they’re a good guy about to go rogue for a goodcouple of years, and then go good again.” He paused as, you assumed, anotherrealization hit him. “They don’t even know they’re a frost giant. I am not bringing that revelation to lightfor them.”

“Okay, okay, slow down, slow down, Thor.” You held your hands up in front of you, urging Thor tocalm down for a moment. “We don’t have totell them anything just yet. One of two things usually happens with amnesia.Typically, after a while, people’s memories come back to them, given enoughtime and prompting when necessary.”

“And the other times…?”

You heaved a sigh, looking at the door Loki remainedblissfully unaware behind. “…they never get their memories back and even ifthey’re told everything, they might not still believe it and will continue tolive in the past that is now their present.”

“So… we either wait for them to remember or wait for themto… not?”

When he said it that way, it sounded so bleak.

“…essentially.” You gave a weary sigh, letting your headfall back against the wall. “You know Loki best. What would be worse, lettingthem live how they think they should be living and giving them the space toremember, or just… telling them what happened and seeing how that goes?”

“Well, the brother before my coronation was… very unstable.I mean, in a way that Loki hasn’t been in a very long time. To speak in moreexacts, they are teetering on the very precipice of… well, everything that sentthem spiraling chaotically in the first place.”

“So what you’re saying is that if we give them informationthat’s hard for them to comprehend, then…”

“It’s Battle of New York 2.0,” Thor finished for you, grimexpression on his face.

“Okay, but… somewhere in there, they’re still good, right? They were good before whathappened at your coronation, right?”

Thor grimaced so hard you could feel your hope dwindleimmediately. “Well…” He said nothing else, for so long that you finally waved ahand for him to continue speaking. “Let me put it this way. Loki has always hada fondness for… mischief, in all meanings of the word. Not up to par with worlddomination or fratricide… At least, not genuine.I think.”

“You think?” Youwere becoming more and more concerned by the minute, and you couldn’t help butto feel like this was somehow going to go horribly wrong and that you weregoing to, worst case scenario, lose your best friend, or slightly betterscenario, have to build your friendship up from scratch again, and you heavedwhat felt like your tenth sigh in as many minutes. “Okay. New plan. We don’tsay anything unless they prompt us to. That way if they remember anything,we’ll know it wasn’t us being hopefulor prying.”

“Sounds fair enough to me.”

You nodded, and Thor did, as well.

“Okay. We’ll at least give them the bare minimum. That theyhit their head and need some time to recover, and then we’ll… take it fromthere.”

Thor nodded again, and with that, you opened the door andwent back into the hospital room, mustering your best smile as Loki looked atyou with an appraising glance that you could feel in your very soul. You triednot to look uncomfortable.

“Okay, so… you know you hit your head, and it was… quite theblow. Which is why you’re in this recovery room, because you were knockedunconscious and we just wanted to make sure that everything was okay. And nowthat you’ve had a little time in here to rest, we’ve decided you’re well enoughto go back to your- to the proper room we set aside for you. You’ll find somepossessions there that should be to your liking.” It was much harder to notoutright say the truth than you thought it was going to be, but if Loki wassuspicious of your behavior, they didn’t show it, only gave a slight incline oftheir head in acknowledgment.

“I’ll show you the way. Come, brother.” Thor waited for Lokito stand before leading them out of the room, but not without giving you onelast glance before they disappeared around the corner.

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding.

This was going to be a longjourney.

It had been most of a week when you felt eyes on you as yousat at the desk in your room. You were familiar enough with Loki’s generalpresence that you knew it was them without looking, and you smiled slightly toyourself as you spoke without even turning.

“You don’t have to sneak like that, you can come in.”

You heard no response, and after a few moments of silence,you turned to see Loki still hesitating in the doorway, looking at you withthat calculating, appraising gaze once again, and you offered them your bestsmile, letting them study you for as long as they needed to.

“You seem to be familiar with me, and yet I cannot placeyou,” they finally said after a tense silence, and you only kept smiling,trying to be as welcoming as possible.

“Well, you have been through quite the turn of events,lately. I understand.” You left it at that, which Loki seemed confused and lessthan thrilled with.

“You say that as though it explains the relationship betweenus.”

“I only meant that… Well…” You were struggling to figure outwhat to say without spilling the beans on everything,and suddenly you wondered if this was how it felt to have a secret identity.“…don’t worry about it. Everything will make sense, in time.” Or it wouldn’t.No big deal or anything like that.

That only seemed to confuse Loki even more, and theyfurrowed their brow, finally taking a step into the room and looking around, asthough they might find the answers in the jacket hanging from the coat rack, orthe books stacked on your bedside table. You let them look around, eventuallyopting to turn back around to focus on what you’d been working on, to give themthe privacy to explore without feeling like they were purposely being watched.

“…it feels familiar in here,” Loki finally said after a longwhile of quiet, and you tried not to get your hopes up as you slowly turnedback to look at them, keeping your expression blank.

“In what way?” You posed the question in the most even voiceyou could manage, and watched as Loki continued to slowly make their way aroundthe room, stopping at a bookshelf and tracing a fingertip along the spine.

“…I don’t quite have the words to explain it,” Loki saidslowly, turning back to look at you for a brief moment, then seeming to caveunder the pressure of holding your gaze and looking away again. “Like I have memories here, but don’t quite remembermaking them. Or like they’re… distant. As though I can’t tell if they trulyhappened or they happened in a dream, if that makes sense.” They glanced at youbriefly, and then gave a tight grimace. “I must sound like I’m mad, Iapologize.”

You shook your head. “Not atall. I… I know exactly the feeling you’re talking about.” You smiled, relaxinga little more when Loki returned the expression. You only hope that this wasthe beginnings of Loki’s memories coming back to them. You let the comfortablesilence settle between you for a moment before grinning a little. “Hey. Youwanna go prank someone?”

“Okay, so you’re going to distract my brother, and then whenhe sees me he’s going to be so excitedbecause he’s an idiot who loves snakes, and then when he goes to pick me up,I’ll change back and scare him. He’ll never see it coming.”

You had to fight the urge to laugh, if only because you werealmost certain Thor would see itcoming but would let it happen anyway, as this prank was nearly identical to ashenanigan you knew had happenedbetween the two of them as children. You just didn’t have the heart to admitthat to Loki, so you were going along with it completely innocently.

“Alright, I’ll go get him right now.”

Loki gave a single nod in response and then, in a flash ofgreen light, had disappeared, presumably now a serpent coiled and waiting forThor’s unsuspecting self to happen upon them with your guidance. You shook yourhead fondly, and headed off to find Thor.

It didn’t take you long at all to find him, as he wasruffling around in the kitchen for a snack, and you grinned as you approachedhim.

“Hey. Come outside, I found something really cool, I wantyou to see!”

Thor looked over at you, cheeks puffed with whatever foodhe’d found to snack on and grinned immediately, following you with nohesitation and no need for further prompting. He was smart enough to at leastswallow his food before trying to speak.

“Is it something really cool? I bet it is. You always findthe coolest things outside, Y/N.”

Once again, you struggled against the urge to laugh. Thorwas so completely innocent, and had no idea what he was walking in to, or atleast didn’t seem to be bothered by the possibility of it, if he did have any ideas. You couldn’t decidewhich was better, so you opted to just keep your mouth shut and walk himoutside.

Thor was still talking excitedly when you came to the smallclearing you’d left Loki in, and it took Thor all of three seconds to realizethat there was a snake there. He became indescribablyexcitable immediately.

“Y/N, look at that snake! What a pretty shade of green itis. You think it’ll let me pick it up? I’m gonna pick it up.”

You nodded as you tried to keep yourself from laughing, andby the time he turned around to look back at the snake, you had to press a handto your mouth to stifle your laughter.

And as Thor reached down to pick up the snake, grinning allthe while, his face suddenly lit up with the green shimmer of Loki’s magic, andbefore either of you had time to react, Loki had very nearly tackled him.

“Bhaha, it’s me!”

You heard the sound of the dagger before you saw it, andthen it was sticking out of Thor’s side,and he was… laughing.

Why was he laughing?

“Good one, Loki! You really got me!” Thor insisted, even ashe pressed a hand to his side to put pressure on the stab wound, where thedagger was still very much protruding from.

You blinked at him dumbly for a few moments, then turned toLoki.

“You didn’t tell me you were going to stab him!”

“Well, what else was I going to do?”

“I don’t know, notstab him!”

“He’s fine, look at him!”

You stopped bickering and both turned to look at Thor, whosimply grinned and gave a thumb’s up.

You turned back to look at Loki, who was grinning with whatcould only be described as satisfaction with their shenanigans. You dragged ahand down your face.

“Okay. Thor, we’re getting you to the hospital wing. Loki,no more stabbing. Come on.” You wentover to Thor and began to pull him along, leaving a somewhat confused Lokibehind.

You could just make out theirgrumbled “But stabbing’s what I’m good at…” as you disappeared into theCompound.

After the stabbing incident, Loki got into many more, muchless bloody (to your relief) shenanigans throughout the Compound. Ranging fromthings as mundane and human as exchanging sugar for salt, to disguisingthemself as various members of the team and mocking them, both in and out of said person’s presence, andsometimes leaving surprisingly nice surprises like cups of tea made just howyou liked them or Thor’s favorite snack ready for him when he got back fromrunning errands.

In a way, it almost felt like having the old Loki back.

But you could tell that things weren’t quite right, still.Loki had had to be introduced to everyone, and their lack of memory ofeverything had left the entire team walking on eggshells around them, no onewanting to accidentally be the one to let the cat out of the bag and cause whoknew what kind of trauma for Loki.

You weren’t entirely sure that you could take much more ofit.

You just wanted your best friendback.

Two weeks after the “snake attack,” as everyone had lovinglytaken to calling it, you were entertaining yourself with a book as you sprawledacross your bed, limbs in every direction and book held at arm’s length aboveyour head.

More accurately, you were attempting to entertain yourself while you let your mind wander,once again, to how your hope for Loki returning back to normal had just aboutfizzled out entirely. You’d really held out as long as you could, but with twoweeks passing and Loki seeming none the closer to getting their memory back,you’d just about given up entirely.

You heaved a sigh as you realized you’d read the samesentence five times, and let your arm fall to the bed, the book hitting thecomforter with a muffled smack as you gave a frustrated groan, squeezing youreyes shut.

It was right then that Loki passed by, hesitating at the dooras they looked at you with mild amusement.

“Are you not finished with that one yet? You’ve been at it for five weeks now.”

Your eyes shot open as you stared at the ceiling for a longmoment before slowly turning to look at them.

That was… not something they’d casually know without youmentioning it.

“…Y/N, why are you looking at me like I’ve gone mad?”

You sat up, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed andlooking at them. “…you’re not mad.”

“Of course I’m not, thank you very much.”

You hopped to your feet, but hesitated, as though you werefrightened to step any closer and shatter the illusion that your friend wasfinally back.

“…you remember me reading that book for five weeks?”

“…yes?”

“…and you remember where you are?”

Loki gave you a look, as though it was now they who was concerned for your well-being. “…the Compound, whereI’ve been for several years now, Y/N, whatare you on about.”

“Me? You’re theone who just spent the last two weeks with amnesia so bad that you thought Thorhadn’t had his coronation yet.”

“…beg pardon?”

But you were too excited and grateful that everything was returningto normal now. “You’re finally back!”And with that, you bounded over to Loki, who, after a moment of startledawkwardness, hugged you back, though with a significantly less amount offervor.

“…I’m going to need a large cup of tea and a lengthyexplanation.”

All you could do was laugh and nod, glad to finally haveyour best friend back.

#Loki imagine #platonic Loki imagine #Loki #Loki Laufeyson #Loki Odinson #Loki x reader #platonic!Loki x reader #anonymous #ask #answered #hurt/comfort #heavy on the hurt kinda i guess #feat. Thor #thank you for the prompt

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happy74827 · 2 years ago

Text

Romanticize the Life

[Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: An abrupt ending to a short dream leaves you flustered at breakfast.

WC: 901

Category: Lime/Spicy, Fluff, Alpine (the precious baby)

Not the story starting out strong and ending weak because I got writer’s block in the midst of writing. It makes me want to cry but it’s been sitting in my drafts forever, so I finally got the courage to post it. Also... I did not proof read this (oops) so if you see any mistakes, please let me know!!

『••✎••』

Giggles erupted from your throat as you eased into his embrace, kissing him soft and slow. They were passionate kisses that he accepted with full authority. His hands made their way back to grasp your hips as he pulled you in close, creating a twitch in his pants. He ignored this however with lips moving slightly downwards, leaving a trail of soft taps before making its way to its destination.

Your head rolled back in appreciation, your body pressed against him as he grinds into you, leaving his wet, slobbery kisses around your collarbone. Hickeys soon to be born within hours.

You inclined your head, letting his tongue run over you, again and again. Your legs shook and quivered underneath him, feeling the pre-pleasure soaking through your underwear.

And then he kisses your upper lip, resulting in a sigh. You open your mouth wider and kiss him back harder, hands clinging to his neck. He lets his hands raise to grip your hair, pinning you in place. He lets his tongue slip inside your mouth again, and you groan, feeling him shudder in response, a good kind of shudder. The carefulness of his movements opens up, and the kissing grows wetter and hungrier, and more urgent by the moment.

He breaks apart momentarily to look at you with assertive eyes, hands gripped tightly onto your thighs. He whispers your name, pulling a fallen hair sliver back behind your ear. His piercing eyes burn holes into your heart, making your skin grow goosebumps.

“Buck…” You mutter beneath him, hands flying to his hair.

“What?”

Your head jerks up from the table, eyes wide and mouth half-open. You forgot where you were for a moment, taking in the fact you weren’t in your bedroom. You were at Sam’s. In his kitchen.

Holy shit… did you…?

Your widened eyes found Bucky’s, sitting across from you. While chopping on an apple, he was currently giving you a sketchy look. “Uh, B-Buck?”

“Yeah? What’d you want?”

Oh my god… you did.

“I…. uh… nothing, never mind.” You muttered rapidly, searching the table for something to munch on. The amount of embarrassment you held was about uncontainable. You were a second away from running away to lock yourself in the bathroom.

But, of course, the soldier didn’t give up. His eyes squinted daringly at yours, not even caring when his newly adopted cat pounced on the table — begging for attention.

He would’ve said something to you if Sam hadn’t walked into view, starting his typical banter.

“Hey, Bambi!” His voice bounced all over the cabinets. “Care to explain why your stupid cat tore up my new couch?!”

“No, not really!” Bucky slowly tore his eyes away from you, giving his angel of a cat all the attention he wanted. You could’ve sworn you heard a mutter escape his lips, something that sounded like, “good boy.”

“My couch was leather, Bucky.” Sam whined, “Leather.”

“Well, now it’s leather with design,” Bucky smirked, holding his half-eaten apple to his lips. “Alpine got style, what can I say?”

“…Alpine?” Your voice was still shaken up from the ongoing embarrassment in your head but you couldn’t help but question the name.

As if to add emphasis, the cat meowed in response as if he already knew his name. “That’s his name?”

“Yeah,” He shrugged, scratching the attention hog's chin. “That’s what I named him. Thought it was… unique. I didn’t want to pick some lowlife name, you know?”

“It’s an awful name,” Sam yelled with a smile. "Absolutely hideous."

Both Bucky and Alpine snapped their heads in unison towards Sam, giving him a glare that made you let out a few giggles. “No one asked you, Sam.”

“Well, Buck, I think Alpine is a fitting name.” You interrupted, letting the brunette turn to you once again. He took another bite out of his apple, while he listened to your words. Appreciation was clear in his eyes. “It reminds me of those pretty mountain glaciers.”

The pigeon rolled his eyes at you, as you watched him sit on his shredded couch. “Kiss ass.”

James ignored him and smiled at you. And it wasn’t a forced smile like he usually did either, it was a genuine one.

You’ve noticed for a while now how happier he’s been. Ever since he took in Alpine, his life seemed to go his way for once. No bad guys, no hydra, just… family. Friends. It made your heart swell up at the fact he was happy. He was finally happy, after struggling for so long.

However, the smile was short-lived once his brain made the connection that Sam was preoccupied. As his eyes hovered over yours, his eyebrows raised in confusion.

“Are you sure you didn’t want something? You know, before Icarus bugged me.”

“I’m sure, Buck.” You put on an awkward smile, “It truly wasn’t all that important.”

He pushed Alpine gently to the side as he gave you the “totally not convinced” stare. If it had been anything else on your mind, that look would’ve made you give in. But, to tell him that you called his name because you were dreaming of him? Hell no. It was way too damn embarrassing.

He gazed at you softly, his stone blue eyes immersed with unsureness. Little Alpine joined in as well, squeaking as he rubbed his tail on your arm.

“Promise?” Bucky muttered softly.

“Promise.”

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merakiui · 4 years ago

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Okay okay okay I’ve been thinking about this for a few days now here’s my list of genshin boys most likely to least likely to become a yandere and why:

-xiao. Millennia of suffering and he meets somebody who makes the pain dissipate? Hell never let go.

-diluc. People have died in his arms, he can’t risk losing another loved one... it’s not like he doesn’t have the wealth and resources to keep his beloved by his side.

-Childe. I think he’d be the most dehumanizing yandere - he treats you almost like a child (haha) as be manipulates his way into your heart. And god knows that he gets what he wants.

-albedo is obviously in the top half of this list. We’ve talked about his yandere tendacies before so I won’t relist them but jeez get this boy some therapy.

-razor. Now this sounds surprising but after years of protecting his Lupical, do you really think he’d let somebody he loves and sees as helpless wander alone? I feel hes less captor and manipulative and more of a stalker if he becomes a yandere

-venti. Freedom is his entire world, but can he let his beloved have freedom if it endangers them? One of the most manipulative ones on this list, except he has no clue that he’s doing it.

-kaeya. Maybe you’d gotten to close to one of his secrets. Maybe you’d figured out something he wanted to die. It doesn’t matter much now, all you know is that you were tried and declared guilty by the knights of favonius and were sent into a dungeon protected by the Calvery captain himself.

-zhongli. Has the yandere desires, but refuses to give in. He’s loved and lost so many times over the years and he figures he doesn’t want to take that away from his beloved.

-chongyun. I’ve gone back and forth between him and xingqiu for this one, but I feel like these last 3 are all pretty much tied for not being a yandere. However, if he met someone who could somehow null his congenital positivity than he might move up on this list...

-Xingqiu. He has a strong sense of justice and honor, the idea of manipulating, stalking or god forbid kidnapping his S/O is appalling to him.

-Bennett. Literally just tryna vibe. Devotes as much time as he can to make sure any relationship he has is healthy.

So basically:

Everybody on this list: *frothing at the mouth, thinking of ways to keep their S/Os with them*

Bennett, Chongyun, Xingqiu and to some extent Zhongli: what the fuck

Your list... Simply amazing. Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m beginning to wonder where other characters would sit on the list. Mainly Scaramouche though aha oops Anyways, please never stop sharing your thoughts!! They are so GOOD!

Xiao’s backstory and past is just perfect material to fuel his yandere desires. He’s suffered for so long and has never really experienced positive emotions, let alone love itself. The poor adeptus is always brooding on his own and here comes his darling, bright and happy and just...perfect. They’re like a glimmering star in his murky darkness and he wants to treasure them. There’s no way he’s going to let go of the feeling he gets when he’s with them, nor is he going to let them leave his side.

It makes sense that Diluc would also be at the top of that list. He’s got the making of a yandere, especially considering all of the people he’s lost in his life. Now that he’s found someone so important to him, he can’t risk losing them. It would destroy him if he found out that his darling got hurt or was even killed because he wasn’t taking enough precautions to keep them safe. He’d definitely blame himself if something like that happened.

Childe, pspspspsp!!! The power this man holds... Omg he makes for such a terrifying yandere. On the outside, he seems warm and disarming—just your normal, happy-go-lucky kind of guy. He’s not dangerous at all! No way. But under all of that falsified charm is someone who knows how to pull strings. He’s a Fatui Harbinger, so of course he has the means of getting you wrapped around his finger. It’s not all that hard when he’s got money, power, and strength. Plus, when he wants something he’s not going to stop until he acquires it; Childe lives for the thrill of chasing after you and it’ll be even more fun once he catches you. Someone should send me more thoughts about yan!Childe!!! orz orz

Albedo also qualifies as a neat yandere! Something about yanderes who are into science is just...fascinating to me. It’s also cool because Albedo’s rumored to be a homunculus, so that adds to the intrigue! Albedo has the resources to get what he wants as well. It won’t be all that difficult, and if it proves to be challenging he can just think of other solutions to pacify his darling. He is a researcher, after all, and a good researcher seeks to find the best solution to a problem.

Razor would be a feral yandere. He’s more action than words. He doesn’t put much thought into what he does because it feels more like an instinct to him. He’s just protecting his Lupical. There’s nothing wrong with that! So why are you acting so difficult? D:

Like you said, Venti’s not aware of his manipulation and he just does it because it works. His belief that everyone deserves freedom is probably what really holds him back. He doesn’t want you to feel caged, but that feeling is practically inevitable since he’s always hounding you. Venti is a very suffocating yandere and he doesn’t even realize it.

KAEYA! KAEYA! I love the idea of Kaeya having some sort of blackmail on you—something so bad that you absolutely can’t let the world see. And so he uses that to keep you quiet. If you did stumble upon one of his secrets, he can’t possibly have you running that pretty mouth of yours. But if you do end up spilling his secret, it’s only fair that he shares yours, right? An eye for an eye, as some would say. Kaeya’s very smooth and calculative when it comes to handling blackmail. Whenever it feels like you’re trying to one-up him and possibly escape, he’ll flirtatiously remind you of the power he holds over you. Blackmail is rather compelling, is it not?

Zhongli does have the motive to be a yandere, as you pointed out, but he’s a strange case. On one hand, it makes sense that he’d want to protect his beloved at all costs, but on the other he’d probably be aware of these unhealthy tendencies. Although he probably uses the idea of a contract to keep your relationship going, even if it’s clear you don’t want anything to do with him. But if you do, that just makes it easier on him!

NO BECAUSE I THOUGHT THE SAME FOR CHONGYUN!!! Not the yan!Chongyun piece rotting in my drafts for a month or two now ehehee I had some thoughts about Chongyun but never bothered posting it for some reason. Anyways, I do think Chongyun has potential to be a yandere! As you mentioned, his congenital positivity can become an issue and he doesn’t want that to seriously affect his daily life. So he’s probably very pleased to find someone who can nullify that positivity. It’d be similar to Xiao’s case; Xiao likes someone who can be the light in his dark world. Chongyun falls for the person who can null his congenital positivity and is someone who he gets along with.

The only way I can see Xingqiu being a yandere is if he wants a noble, storybook romance. Okay, that sounds strange, but consider it! He’s a huge bookworm who probably doesn’t exactly experience romance aside from what he reads in his novels. Although he doesn’t dabble in the romance genre all that often, he does like the idea of being a hero and sweeping someone off of their feet. So when he meets you—another fellow bookworm or maybe the two of you are thrown into an arranged marriage—he just feels an undeniable connection. This must be some form of fate or a sixth sense. Maybe he can be the main character of his own story! You’ll just have to cooperate and you can be the valiant knight’s love interest!

Bennett’s vibes are so nice. How could he be a yandere? He’s just too sweet and pure. He’s really just here to chill and gather an adventuring team full of great friends! But if anyone has any thoughts...please share them!

That’s it. I’m writing about Scaramouche even though he’s not on the list. Please, why do I simp so much for him? Anyways, we don’t know nearly enough about Scaramouche to determine his backstory or past. But he just oozes yandere! Most of the Harbingers are probably the same, to some extent. He’s like Childe with all of the power and resources, but whereas Childe relishes in the chase Scaramouche refuses to put up with it. It’s just way too inconvenient for him. He’d rather catch you when you least expect it and then keep you for himself.

Gosh, he’s a very determined and possessive yandere with a strict agenda; this man probably cheats in order to get you. He’ll send his underlings to do the work in his place. They’ll stalk you and report back to him and it isn’t long before he learns of your friends, certain family members you’re close to, and even where you live. It’s terrifying, but this is Scaramouche we’re talking about. For someone so short, he sure knows how to intimidate and beat fear into those below him. Good luck to the poor soul who catches his eye.

I must thank you for making that list! It was lots of fun to consider their mindsets and behaviors as yandere. :D

#chit chat #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin impact x reader #yandere xiao #yandere diluc #yandere childe #yandere albedo #yandere razor #yandere venti #yandere kaeya #yandere zhongli #yandere chongyun #yandere xingqiu #genshin impact bennett #yandere scaramouche #yandere x reader #this was so fun to write about #xenia-cenia #your brain is galaxy level

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lillianawayne99 · 1 year ago

Text

Finally getting around to this, I didn't have time to do it when I saw the original post so it's been sitting in my drafts (oops). I'm going to do the first paragraph.

Leaving the tags open so anyone who wants to can join.

If it has a link, it's published.

CastAway (JJK Fanfic Series)

I opened my eyes to find it appeared to be dawn outside, but the sun was in the west rather than the east. Did I really sleep until dusk? The hospital room I was in didn't look like the one I fell asleep in. I arrived back in New York City yesterday and was cleared by the doctors, but they held me overnight for observation. The room I fell asleep in, the room in New York, had pale blue walls, white sheets, and a white bed with railings on it. The room I woke in had cream colored walls, a wooden bed with the rails lowered, white sheets, and a beige blanket at my feet.

Fireborn (GOT/ASOIAF Fanfic Series)

I didn’t remember my homeland nor had I stepped foot on Westerosi soil. I was born on Dragonstone in the midst of a raging summer storm. The following years in exile comprised of my brother ingraining one objective into me. Retake our father’s throne and kill the usurpers.

The Awakening (High Fantasy Dark Romance Novel)

There was something solid and warm wrapped around my hand. How long had it been since I felt something? Decades? Centuries? It couldn’t have been millennia, could it?

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) (JJK Fanfic)

I didn’t need to squint through the dim lighting to recognize where I was. I had never been here before, yet the bones encasing my form and the pool of blood beneath my feet told me everything I needed.

Not Afraid Anymore (JJK Fanfic)

A deep, reverberating chuckle echoed through the room as I looked up at the King of Curses sitting atop his throne. Leaning forward with his head resting in one hand, a smirk danced across his lips as he beckoned me forward.

Dark Side (JJK Fanfic)

Yakuza Therapist!Getou whose client is a tad bit traumatized and uses violence to cope but wants to stop. She has night terrors and sometimes they get so bad she goes to an underground fighting ring with no rules where everything’s handled quietly.

A concert, a leather jacket, and a shy girl (Flash Fiction)

It didn’t take long for me to lose myself in the roar of the crowd. The bass of the music My heart raced with the pounding bass of the music. Drowned out by the speakers and voices surrounding me, my throat stung as I sang the lyrics as loud as I could

Untitled (a dream that I might turn into something)

This one was really weird. I was at this college summer camp type thing only it wasn’t at a traditional college and was 21+ only. There weren’t any classrooms, but it was set up like a school building with halls and adjoining rooms along the halls. There were restaurants, bars, bedrooms, and random queen sized beds in the halls.

Secrets of the Past (Modern Fantasy Romance Novel)

I stared out of the window, looking out at the sprawling city surrounding me while the sterile smell of a hospital filled my nostrils. After eight years and two months, I was finally home in New York City, but it didn’t feel like home anymore. When I first got back, I thought that maybe the city had changed, but the longer I was home, the more I realized it was me that had changed.

Agathokakological (Crossover Fanfic Series)

My mother’s arm brushed against mine as we stood near the entrance to the town hall. The room was silent as everyone processed the information. Most were relieved. Their name, the name of someone in their family, wasn’t called. Their daughter or sister wouldn’t be sent to the temple tomorrow.

Dark Deeds (High Fantasy Novel - currently abandoned)

The culmination of a three cycle long war was staring me in the face. One battle would determine the fate of my home, my people. My life would never be the same after today. You would think that Lasadh and Beatha would be attempting to sack the capital of my home rather than facing me on the field. Most wars were fought and won in a series of sackings, but this battle was my only hope.

Fire and Brimstone (AOT Fanfic)

I never bothered to consider what happened after you died. Well, technically that’s a lie. I never believed in any culture’s idea of what happened. Heaven, hell, reincarnation. There wasn’t enough proof for me to put my faith in any religion. Accounts of near death experiences weren’t trustworthy either.

Medicine Man (JJK Fanfic)

I could have been walking for hours for all I knew. My clothes were soaked, hair dripping down my face and back. Halfway, I’d already started to shiver, desperate enough to tuck my hands into my arms. The moon had barely risen since the last time I checked, but it was lower in the sky when I left Mahito’s.

Venom (KPOP Fanfic - please don't judge me, I never intended to post this)

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been tied to this stupidly uncomfortable chair. Based on how often I was brought food, it’d been a few weeks since I was kidnapped. Every so often they were nice enough to let me stretch my legs and take me to a different room. What happened in those rooms wasn’t so nice, but at least I wasn’t stuck in the same position.

First Lines Meme

@scifimagpie tagged me for this and I am leaving my own tag open, because I got a lot of you on the last few and maybe you need a break from that. >.>

Rules seem to be; Post the first lines of all your writing, finished or wip or whathaveyou.

It's unclear on how many lines...so I'm gunna wing it.

Which sounds fun, so let's go!

If it has a link, it's published

In the Marrow // Horror Short Story

It began with a crack. Not an especially loud crack, more of a creak really. The sort an old door makes when the house it inhabits has shrunk too tightly around it. An old, lazy creak just there in Hazel’s knees as she rose from her reading chair on an unseasonably warm autumn afternoon.

Can't You See Me? // Horror Short Story

Four weeks ago, I died. It was a rogue bit of insulation that did it. Well, that and the rafter it tripped me into…and the sharp, rusty nails. Mostly the nails. Certainly not my best moment but, as it turned out, not my last either. My last living moment, sure but I was still…there.

Don't Look // Horror Short Story

The apartment is cheap. Good area, rent controlled, a dream come true. Sure, it’s a bit drafty and the hinges creak and the pipes bang but that's normal for an old building. It's the smell that’s worrying. It’s only in the bedroom and it gets stronger near the hatch in the closet. The apartment is on the top floor and the landlady—a prune of a woman with eyes so orange they burn—says there isn’t attic space.

The Portrait // Horror Short Story

Miriam had never been fond of portraits. Whether painted or photographed, whether the subject was known or unknown; they made her uneasy. The sort of uneasy that landed one in hospitals for dangerous heart rates. It was the eyes. She believed that eyes were windows—intimate and revealing—and it was overwhelming to see so much of anyone, let alone without their permission.

Gravedust // Horror Novella or Novel (uncertain at the moment)

They say that, in my line of work, there are no accidents. That is true. There are eons of intent and planning. You have to make it look like an accident, however, or the critters start to get suspicious.

Weald and Wen // Dark Fantasy Novel

The Nothing screamed. Its hollow wail pierced the disquieting gray and cyan of the Darklands. Fyrni lands, Loahl's lands...and he heard it, loud and dreadful through the stillness and prayed to the Lady that the younglings did not.

Rite of the Dinfa // Dark Fantasy Novella

They packed us tight in the chill cave, with its bone white walls shining and wavering beneath the firelight, darkened by a single dancing shadow. Bare as we were, and huddled to braided, our flesh kept us heated more than the meager light of the smoking wood as the Cardinal leapt and spun—our Cardinal, as ourselves, could be whatever they wished but right then they were she.

Pale Blood // Urban Fantasy Novel

Delmas was on his way to the blood bank, on assignment to pick up a shipment, another in a long line of grunt work for his fellow fangs. They were all immortal—more or less—but the eldest of them kept their noses above the smog while their bodies languished in the slums.

Mr. Friendly // Children's Book

This one is barely a thing yet but I am including it as motivation >.>

Tap Tap Tap There it was again. The soft tapping from somewhere in the room. Somewhere she couldn't see. Was it in the walls, in the floors? Father told her nothing was in the closet- he checked even, twice! Still the tapping came, softly, like little feet on hardwood. The kitty made that sound sometimes, when his nails were too long.

#lilliwrites #well damn #this is one way to find out just how many wips you have

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mickey-gomez · 3 years ago

Text

Mulberry Street

Chapter 5 of Fade Into You.

Word Count: 5002 (oops she’s a long one sorry)

Warnings/Tags: Angst, hints of smut and fluff, alcohol consumption, family anxiety, imposter syndrome, hint of generalised anxiety.

Pairing: Rita/Reader

A/N: Ok so this one is quite dialogue heavy, not necessarily my strong suit, but hoping this chapter serves as one to push the story further along. Uses dialogue and story from SVU 2x01. Also hoping this chapter shows more insight into Rita’s move from an ADA to a Defense Attorney. As well as the beginnings of Y/N and Rita’s relationship.

This has been sitting in my drafts for a while and I’ve been hesitant to post it. But here goes nothing!

Covers the “This is the part where you ask me out & I say yes” square of Katt’s birthday bingo @storiesofsvu

The larger part of your morning had been spent in the audience of the Morris Commission with Alex, as you observed Captain Cragen’s verbal dressing down and pummelling over his leadership of the unit.

The pair of you quickly stood from your seats as the captain strode past you, and you both extended your hands as you introduced yourselves. He rolled his eyes in both of your directions and swiftly marched past you. The pair of you quickly followed suit, trying not to trip over your shoes and words as you chased after him.

It wasn’t news that you were both new to the office, but the last thing you wanted was for that to become starkly apparent.

“Let’s not start off on the wrong foot here, our assignment to SVU preceded the behavioural problems under your command.” Alex spoke first, and you winced internally at her choice of wording. Immediately recognising that she had fouled things between the three of you as you watched the captain’s jaw tighten and then square harshly.

“Who do you sleep with Ms Grant? Ms Cabot? Are you both so new at this that you haven’t run into somebody you’d like to skip due process with?” Cragen uttered sternly, you opened your mouth to interject, a feeble attempt to rectify the current situation, but he continued his deliverance, ignoring both of your attempts to cut in. “I’ll apprise you both asap, if asap can be tomorrow. You understand I have behavioural issues.”

“Certainly” you smiled politely before he turned and marched off.

“Breakfast then?” Alex called out after him, a smug smirk plastered on her face. She crossed her arms and curled her lips, almost as if she was pleased with herself.

“Behavioural problems? What is wrong with you?” You hit her arm, your eyes wide and angry.

“I was trying to be polite” she sniggered and raised her eyebrows as her lips curled further in self amusement and satisfaction.

“I’m sure that’s what you were doing” you rolled your eyes, “C’mon I’ve already got the case files from the past year, and the entire unit’s jackets”. You walked off down the hallway and she strode in her heels to catch up with you.

“How did you manage that?” she asked in shock, eyes wide and burning with curiosity.

“You catch more flies with honey Alex” you sighed loudly as you entered the elevator. You wanted to throttle her, she had just ruined your introduction to your new captain, and you realised that she might be so clueless and utterly unaware, as to realise how important it was to maintain a good working relationship with your squad. That she could be under the impression that they worked for you, instead of realising you were to coexist, that you needed to build a partnership that was cultivated upon mutual respect and hard work.

You took a deep breath as you tried to subdue your anger. She had been immensely insensitive and disrespectful with her words, and overall demeanour, she had quite literally stuck her foot in it.

You thought if it was anyone else you would have berated them, rebuked and chastised them in front of the court audience, but it was Alex, and you knew she was just as eager as you were to hit the ground running. So blindly zealous and eager to make a name for herself, but she was travelling down the wrong path, whether or not she realised that.

You pinched the bridge of your nose as the elevator doors closed, a feeble attempt to prevent the looming headache you knew was due to strike any moment.

-----

The remainder of your morning was spent in your office, inhaling coffee as you poured over the files, reading every line, jotting down small notes on your legal pad, fastening sticky notes and tabs along the edges of the endless pages. Walking down the hall into Alex’s office every so often to confer with her, the pair of you exchanging notes and swapping out files.

You stretched out your arms and chest, yawning as you extended your arms out, your joints clicking as you rolled them. A groan leaving your lips as your spine popped, your bones snapping into place. Sighing you ran your hands over your face, you couldn’t believe how tired you were already, only this far in, with what felt like a lifetime to go.

You closed yet another case file, and your hands hastily reached for your hours old coffee, sighing as you held the mug up only to find it empty and stained. You placed it back down on the edge of your desk and your eyes cast over to the gift that sat alongside, the pencils tied neatly in a bow. You had been thinking of her all morning, even when it felt so entirely inconvenient, flashes of her entered your mind. You had thought of her when traversing the court steps, when sitting on the wooden pews during the commission hearing, when you had trudged through the endless halls, and even as you had poured coffee. Your mind flickered and shon with images of her, vivid and profound as they played.

You smiled softly as you looked at the gift, and you reached your hand forward, almost hesitantly as your fingers hovered over your desk phone. You had yearned to pick up the phone and call her since your return to the city, and yet each time you had gone to do so, you had hesitated and allowed your fear and anxiety to take hold.

You debated internally with yourself as your hand gripped onto the receiver. Was it too late? Would she want to hear from you? She wouldn’t have sent the gift if she didn’t want to, right?.

You went back and forth before forcing yourself to shill the self doubt, knowing that you were bound to run into her in the halls at some point, and you punched in her extension number. It rang only for a moment before it was picked up on the other end.

“ADA Calhoun’s office” you recognised the voice almost instantly.

“Hey Angela, it’s Y/N”

“Y/N! How’s your first week treating you?” Rita’s assistant greeted you cheerily through the receiver.

“Oh you know..” you quipped and she let out a low laugh on the other end. “Is she in?”

“You just missed her I’m afraid. Did you need something? She’s got a spare thirty minutes later this afternoon, I could pencil you in..”

“No, that's alright.” you paused for a moment, wondering what to say next. “Can you just tell her I called?”

“Of course”

“Thanks” you exchanged pleasantries, and said your goodbyes before hanging up. You sighed and groaned loudly as you leaned forward in your chair, running your palm over your forehead, you leaned forward and quickly flicked your wrist to check the time on your watch.

You stood abruptly to cross the small room to retrieve your coat and purse. Shaking your head and running your fingers through your hair as you did so. “Get it together“ you spoke aloud to yourself, the sound of your small voice bouncing off the walls, almost as if it was haunting you.

-----

You walked briskly along Mulberry street until you arrived at Il Cortile, you hadn’t stepped foot inside the restaurant in years, but it afforded you some comfort that it hadn’t changed one bit. The same copper penny tiles lined the floors out into the courtyard, accompanied by the same frayed wooden bar. You recognised the same staff working, who had done so for years, and how the ivy had grown further up the brick since your last visit. It almost mirrored your return to the city, so much had remained the same, and yet as you walked in further; so much had inevitably grown and changed.

Stepping further inside the room, you followed the path out into the courtyard. Your eyes scanned the space, seeking out the familiar face of your father, ready to meet him for lunch. The one that he’d organised and promised you for your first official day as an assistant district attorney.

A flash of hair caught your attention in your peripheral vision, and you turned to look further to your left, your eyes scouring the open room, you stopped dead in your tracks when you saw who it was.

Rita glanced up from her phone and smiled at you. Everything seemed to slow down as your eyes met, as if it was the first time you laid eyes on her. Your heart beat just as fast as when you had first stayed up late speaking to her, indulging in far too much wine, when she had quizzed you and brushed the hair off your face, the tips of her fingers lingering on your cheek.

Your stomach fluttered and your mouth dried as your eyes remained glued to the others’. You flicked your tongue out to run over your lips, your bottom one meeting your teeth as you roughly bit down. An attempt of a harsh reminder for yourself, to pull yourself together, to walk forwards and towards her.

Rita looked fixedly at your mouth, before flicking her eyes up to meet yours, and you felt yourself becoming more flustered as you timidly approached the table, your eyes narrowing in confusion at the sight of her.

“What are you doing here?” you stammered out with hesitancy and a sense of newfound frenzy, as you stood at the edge of the table.

“The same as you I presume. He’s running ten minutes late by the way” she nodded with her head, an indication for you to sit.

“Oh.. right” you shook your head lightly in realisation as you took a seat across from her. Shucking off your heavy coat and draping it over the back of your chair.

“Drink?” She asked as she flagged down the waiter.

“Just water” you ducked your head and reached for the glass in front of you.

“It’s your first day. Surely you can indulge a glass of celebratory champagne” she declared, and you as you went to open your mouth to speak in protest, she shushed you, and you realised she was already placing the order.

It was silent for a few moments as she finished the order and put away her phone. You took a generous sip from your water glass and lifted your eyes back up to meet hers.

“Thank you for the gift. I can’t believe you remembered that from all those years ago..” you murmured and she smiled softly, an all knowing smile, one that said you were foolish to question that she wouldn’t have remembered.

“Figured you’d need the school supplies.” she shrugged her shoulders playfully, her eyes gleaming in delight, as she raised her perfectly curved eyebrows in pure zest.

You laughed softly to yourself, she had remembered the exact scene from the film, and your conversation that had followed on that cold winter night. The same night where you’d stayed up until the early hours of the morning, conversing as you dissected the other, eyes looking over the tops of wine glasses, murmurs of truths uttered as you stretched out on the lounges. Your guilt simmering below the surface as Alex slept soundly upstairs, as your eyes flicked to the others’. Whether or not you were ready to admit it, that night had been your undoing, it sparked what would turn into a long run emotional affair.

Bringing yourself back to the present, you smiled as your laughter subsided. The meaning behind the gift, despite her current teasing, still held an overwhelming amount of sincerity and warmth, and your heart beat faster as you now sat across the table from her.

“We can’t have you writing in pen just yet” she teased further, her wit and vigour shining through, the one that always acted as her understudy. You realised she must have been just as nervous as you were to see her, she was throwing out bait in the hopes that you’d bite, in the hopes of exchanging playful verbal sparring instead of truly talking. Instead of giving her what she wanted, of giving in so easily to her playful taunts, of taking the bait, you merely rolled your eyes in an over dramatic fashion.

“So SVU huh? I see you’re already being punished” her laughter lilted through as she spoke, and instead of playing along, playing into it and giving her the smart rebuttal she desired, you felt yourself shrinking into your chair, your underlying anxiety now spiked and your nerves on a razor’s edge.

“So it is a punishment, isn’t it? I knew it” you snapped, uttering the words out suddenly and without realisation, quickly fiddling with your hands on the surface of the table.

“Hey I was just kidding, is everything alright? No one’s giving you a hard time in the office are they?” She reached forward, grabbing your hands, stopping you from picking at the torn skin around your fingernails. She lowered her head, her eyes seeking out yours, a blend of compassion and concern washing over her. She knew she had pushed your buttons just that small bit too far, what had been playful prodding had now become personal, she had struck a nerve.

“No it’s nothing like that. I just..” you shuddered as you diverted your gaze from hers, her hands giving yours a gentle and tight squeeze. “I guess I thought it’d feel different, better somehow..” You sighed and silence settled across the table between the two of you, as she took a moment to think before she spoke again.

“It goes away you know” she hummed softly, leaning further inward, her eyes searching yours once more. Her thumbs running along the soft skin of the back of your hands.

“What does?” You glanced upwards, your voice soft and frail like as your eyes caught a glimpse of hers. Your voice was so faint, almost as if it had betrayed you, and as your mind began to race once more you took a deep breath in an attempt to stifle it.

“That sinking feeling in your stomach, the one that’s marinating with that fearful voice in your head that’s telling you that you don’t belong.” She spoke softly and her hands gripped yours tighter. “You focus so much on what you should feel instead of what you actually feel”.

Part of you was amazed, astounded even, that she had read you so well. That she had intricate knowledge of your mind and knew exactly what to say to ease your stresses and restlessness. Then you remembered that she did this for a living, and that she was well renowned in your field, not just for her crafting of arguments, but for her noteworthy abilities that were shown during cross examinations and questioning.

You ripped your hands from hers when the waiter appeared at the head of the table with your drinks. Your head swam as you wondered if she was being genuine and true, or if she was merely appeasing you, manipulating you to gain what she wanted. But you weren’t that easily deceived, right?

“Cheers” you exclaimed loudly as you grasped at the champagne flute and forcefully clinked your glasses together. “Fake it ‘til you make it right?” You shrugged and forced a tight lipped smile, attempting to end the conversation, to put an end to any further shedding of vulnerability, not wanting to appear weak for her to only exploit it.

“Stop doing that” her eyes narrowed and her voice hardened, in what seemed like irritation that flowed with a sense of authority.

“Doing what?”

“Shoving everything down.. Trying to compartmentalise everything into these neat little boxes. Stop beating yourself up so much.” her voice raised, and she pulled herself back, lowering her tone and sighing before continuing. “You know you’ve never had to fake it, there’s too much fire and passion under that hard shell of yours. You’ll run rings around all those other attorneys, they know it and you know it too.”

“You think so?” you asked quietly, your voice fearful. As if she had clicked her fingers, you were back under her spell.

“I know so.. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and stroll in there and snatch what you want.. Take it.” She accentuated the last two words of her speech, and you mulled over it, wondering now if you were still discussing work, or something else entirely.

You took a large sip from your glass, the champagne running straight to your head. The air seemed to have shifted between the two of you, settling with a different fabric than which you had started with. The shift afforded you with a newly found confidence, and you found yourself taking her advice.

You weren’t sure if it was her words, the champagne or the adrenaline coursing through your veins, but something had pushed you, verve and vigour on your tongue.

“Take it?” You asked, crooning as you brushed your eyes up to meet hers once more. There was now an unwavering fire that was burning beneath both of you. Your eyes remained trained on the other, like two animals starved, willing and ready to devour their prey. You ran your tongue over your bottom lip and bit into the supple flesh as it met your teeth.

“Ah” she smirked, “There she is”. It was almost as if she felt pleased with herself, self satisfied that she had pushed you and finally received a worthy joust in return, even more seemingly pleased that you had returned it with a hint of lust.

She ran her eyes over the length of you, and the energy simmered between you. You leaned further forward, both of your peripheral spaces now seemingly invaded. You took everything she had said on board, all the praise and constructive criticism at once. And as your cheek brushed hers, you felt yourself inviting her in.

“You want to know what I want?” You hummed close to her ear, your bodies drawing closer together, almost as if you were inevitably drawn to one another, tantalising and so utterly magnetic in your movements.

“Tell me” she purred, and just as you took a shuddering breath, parting your lips to answer her, the sound of footsteps approaching and a figure in your peripheral vision caused you both to pull away.

“Sorry I’m late, meeting in chambers ran late. '' Your father bellowed before sliding into the seat next to yours. You quickly swallowed the breath you’d been holding, and felt yourself dramatically cool. A wave of shame and a pang of immorality washed over you. You scrunched your nose up, and forced a tight lipped smile to grace your lips.

“Nice of you to finally join us” you said in jest, forcefully redirecting both of your attentions, as Rita quickly sunk back into her seat.

----

You forced the pasta around the plate with your fork never truly taking a bite, as the conversation between the three of you went on.

“You know she’s entertaining the idea of switching over to the dark side..” your father grumbled before taking another bite of his food. He went to speak again and you shushed him loudly, holding up a flat palm in his direction, an indication for him to be quiet. You whipped around, rapidly glancing back to Rita across the table.

“You’re not seriously entertaining the idea of working defense are you?!” You were almost in disbelief, wanting it not to be true, for her answer to assure you of that.

“Hey!” She raised her arms in the air, hands up in mock surrender. “The money is a lot better, and I’d know exactly what I was getting into. Less late nights spent pouring over files. No more homicide cases hastily thrown across my desk, no more political games and coups. Don’t get me wrong.. I voted for Schiff, but I didn’t vote for Lewin and my patience is waning thin with the pissing contest between Jack and the rest of the old boys club as to who takes over.”

“So you are going to leave then?” you uttered suddenly, shock and gall evident in your voice and in the way your palms hit the table.

“I’m entertaining a few offers” she was quiet as she spoke, taking a long sip from the glass of scotch in front of her. Almost as if she had been anticipating this, that at one point or another during your lunch that she’d need to defend herself.

“All that time. College and then law school, clerking for him, rising through the ranks.. all to defend tax frauds and murderers?” You asked in pure disbelief, a small sense of anger rising in your throat, resentment and hurt evident in your tone.

You knew you had no right to be angry, or to question her and her choices, but a selfish part of you felt that you were entitled to. She wasn’t just another friend, just another cog in the wheel that was the district attorney’s office. She was brilliant, and so very mesmerising. She was the envy of all ADA’s, so starkly remarkable in her work, the sort of attorney you looked up to and crossed your fingers that you’d one day emulate.

You had been a part of one another’s lives for a number of years now, had spent many holidays and late nights conversing over constitutional law, with federal statutes and a diverse mix of hypothetical questions thrown in. With such intense conversations about law and justice, it now felt that all of those late night discussions were lies, deceptions, fabrications, meaningless even. It made you think that every word out of her mouth had been a carefully crafted lie, that every moment shared together had been a lie.

“Everyone is entitled to the best defence they can afford.” She sighed as she continued to defend herself. “I've learnt that the hard way, and you will too. Give it time, we’ll be having a different conversation next year”

“So this is about the money?” You racked your mind as to why she’d do this, relent on all of her principles, ones you thought you knew to be so inherently true, coupled to her core.

“Something like that” she smirked over the rim of her glass.

“Rafael and I are trying to talk her out of it. But you know what she’s like. Her mind is already made up.” Your father droned on, and you ignored him as you and Rita continued your bickering.

“So Instead of making a difference you’re going to act as a hindrance to justice?” you scoffed and she laughed, the sound of it only incensing you further.

“What hindrance? You think everything is so simple, it’s not as black and white as you think. There’s so many shades of grey, give it some time, we’ll come back to this conversation in a year or two’s time, and you’ll see it’s not as straightforward as you’re currently viewing it.”

“Oh bullshit!” you exclaimed, your face contorting tightly as your cheeks heated and you threw your hands out in dismissal.

“We’ll make a shark of you yet” she laughed throatily before bringing her palms up to her face, running them over the expansive skin, allowing the last of her laughter to leave her body before gazing intently at you.

You wanted to be angry at her over it, over her baiting you into the verbal sparring, over her choices, over all of it. But you couldn’t bring yourself to do so, even now you still found her charming and ever so mesmerising, fascinating even.

-----

“I was sorry to hear about you and Alex” She voiced once you were alone again.

“Oh yeah.. I’m sure you were” you rolled your eyes and shot her a playful grin, she smirked over the top of her new mug of coffee, taking a generous sip even as your eyes stayed trained on the others’.

“Have you been doing ok?”

“Yeah.. I mean all things considered. In a way it was a blessing that it happened well before finals and the bar exam, it gave me time to lick my wounds before focusing on the end goal.” You spoke honestly, and the smirk didn’t leave her during the small entirety of your words.

“What?” You asked, feeling a rising blush travelling up your skin as her gaze stayed intently trained on you, her lips upturned into a grin and her tongue darted out to meet her lips before her teeth tightly gripped onto her bottom lip.

“Nothing” she sung, lightly shaking her head. You raised your eyebrows and gave her an all knowing look, pushing her to untangle herself further, to voice her thoughts. “It’s just nice to see you like this again.. that fire in you. That one I was pushing you for earlier. It’s been hiding underneath it all” she raised her hand in your direction, outstretched and pointed.

“Well like you said, it’s always been there” you struck back. She was baiting you once more, and instead of hiding again, you met her in sparring.

“Yes.. yes it has” she laughed lightly before a small instance of silence hung over you both.

“So shall we stick to eyefucking across dining tables? Or are you finally going to ask me out?” You let out, watching the way her expressive eyes simmered.

“Wasn’t sure if you wanted me to or not” She shrugged nonchalantly, but you had been watching her, and had seen the fire that had simmered and then boiled underneath her eyes, before your lunch had even begun. It had become so sharply clear what you both wanted, but it seemed she was evident on you making the first move.

“Oh now that I’m finally single you hesitate” you threw your hands up in the air, in mock defiance and ridicule, mimicking her previous actions. Laughing softly as you returned your hands and gaze back to the table. “Just to make things very clear.. Rita, this is the part where you ask me out and I say yes.”

She let out a loud and throaty laugh at your exclamation, and brought her head forward, tilting it and gazing at you as her lips parted to speak. You watched her intently as she ran her tongue over her lips and took a shallow breath.

“Alright girls, I’ve got to get back to work.” your father’s loud voice startled you both as he returned to your table, pulling you out of your reverie with Rita, for the second time today.

“Thank you for lunch” you said as you hugged him goodbye.

“Well it’s your first day, can’t have you starving just yet can we?” He chuckled. “I’ll see you both for dinner on Sunday? Oh and Rita.. don’t let her get lost on her way back.” he uttered loudly and laughed as he walked out, leaving the two of you interrupted and alone once more.

“Office, court or precinct?” Rita asked in amusement, delighting in the fact that she was entrusted as your chaperone for the five block radius of all three locations.

“Office, you?”

“Court but I’ll walk you. C’mon let’s go” she murmured as she held up your coat for you to thread your arms through.

“You don’t have to, trust me I know the way.” you said indignantly, still holding an air of wit as she held open the restaurant door for you. Once you were both on the sidewalk she thread her arm through yours, and you accepted the seemingly innocent but intimate gesture.

“Yeah I know but I want to” she sung lightly as she shrugged her shoulders.

“Rita..” you chastised and began to shake your head.

“Shut up and let me walk you back. There’s a great coffee cart in Columbus Park that I’m in dire need to visit anyway”. And you did as she said, remaining quiet as your arms stayed connected and looped together.

You both walked along Mulberry Street before crossing into the park, your arms falling out of bond, and as quickly as your arms fell, hands brushed against the others. But as quickly as your arms fell, she grasped your hand, threading her fingers with yours.

Rattling off both of your coffee orders to the cart, glancing over briefly for confirmation. You nodded affirmatively as you squeezed her hand simultaneously, and she smiled, almost stumbling over her words as she gave your orders.

“So what are you doing on Friday?” she murmured as blew over the open lip of her coffee.

“Dinner with Alex, which will probably turn into take out in one of our offices at this stage.” you uttered with an air of annoyance and sheer fatigue.

“Should I be jealous?” She smirked, you smacked her arm as you both let out small giggles and airs of laughter with her words.

“We’re still best friends, you know?” you said as your laughter died down, it was important to you that everyone in your life realised that. Even if you and Rita were to finally become involved, you needed her to know that you and Alex would always remain friends, that you would always be in the others’ life, no matter what had happened and what the future held.

You had been best friends for nearing eighteen years, and that wasn’t about to change now. Even after your break up, you had promised one another that your long term friendship wouldn’t disperse or melt away. That remained especially pertinent as you worked together in the same department and relied on one another.

“Ok so.. what about Saturday then?” she asked softly, pulling you out of your head.

“All yours”

“I like the sound of that. It’s a date then” and you both smiled at the thought, your hands gripping tighter as you walked through the park.

37 notes · View notes

paleangels13 · 3 years ago

Note

would i be able to ask for either 131 or 150 with joel/niko?

First of all thanks for the prompt(s)! 🥰

I wanted to wait until tomorrow with posting this but it's done soo might as well post it now :D I will actually do the 131 as well and post it separately (will tag you in it if that's okay ^^) but that'll have to wait until tomorrow or the weekend 😅

Hope you like it and sorry if you didn't want spice, because spice is what you get :D

Prompt: "Stop distracting me"

386 words

Niko was sitting in his small home office, leaning over a bunch of concept drawings for new merch. He didn't really like any of the ideas but had promised to get them done by the end of the week.

It didn't help his situation at all that Joel kept coming in every 10 minutes to check if he was free now. Niko didn't say anything about it the first 5 times, only rolled his eyes at the sixth try but when Joel came in once again ripping him from his focus he snapped.

“Fuck, dude. Stop distracting me!”

Joel froze for a second at the sudden outburst before he started to smile innocently.

“Sorry, can't keep my legs shut when I'm around you… oops, I mean can't keep my legs still when I'm around you!” Joel said, taking a seat in Niko's lap, not bothering to ask first.

“Did you really just–” Niko interrupted himself, now staring at Joel with wide eyes.

He hadn't really looked at his friend – possible boyfriend – until now which turned out to be a huge waste of time.

Joel slightly circled his hips, rubbing himself against Niko's bare upper leg. “You like what you see? Joonas helped me find it,” Joel teased, pulling the hem of the crop top up just a little bit further. “He liked it a lot, actually. Bent me over to fuck me in the changing room right then right there,” he giggled.

“Oh, did he? Thought you were my slut, not his,” Niko growled, sliding his fingers underneath the fabric of the short black skirt Joel was wearing.

“Couldn't say no to him. He's way too convincing if he wants to be, and his hands felt soo good on me.” Joel's voice was laced with a moan when he said that, obviously wanting to provoke Niko.

Niko wasn't exactly jealous, he just didn't like Joel talking about Joonas this way, knowing Joonas had fucked his… well whatever.

“Get up and bend over. Hands on the desk. Oh, and don't you dare ruin any of the drafts I drew. Bad enough you kept me from finishing anything, wouldn't advise you to ruin the few things I at least started.”

Joel smiled happily, finally getting what he had wanted the whole time, and obeyed without any further protest.

#prompts #my writing #rpf #blind channel rpf #joel/niko #prompts from 150 random prompts

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jemwritesstuff · 3 years ago

Text

Joey; the Legion x reader

I actually read lore for this lmao also this was supposed to be a soulmate thingy but i forgot abt it halfway thru writing and it just,,,,got left off

another notable thing is that this has literally been sitting in my drafts for better half of a year with me writing maybe a sentence a week so it’s really jumbled and probably makes no sense mostly but i decided i've already spent too much time worrying if it's “good enough” so i'm just gonna post it as is and edit later if i feel like it

content warnings: canon typical violence, swearing, reader is a smoker, alcohol, something akin to an anxiety attack described, I can’t write dialogue to save my life, again a surprise father figure, what’s a POV, I’m a part of a Julie needs rights in fanfic gang btw

word count: 3738 oops

***

Julie invited you to a party. You’d missed the last one (you’d slept through it but that would be a secret you’d take to your grave) so she insisted you come and meet the guy she’d been getting it on with.

You’d heard about him - someone out of town who had come here to stir up chaos in his steps. Everyone seemed impressed by him but it was easy here in Ormond - new blood did always get the attention.

You promised to go, though, and there was no backing out of it now.

It was just how you’d expected from a party Julie threw. The music was loud and based on the stench, someone had already thrown up in the bushes. You beelined to the kitchen to get yourself a drink hoping it would help you handle the rowdiest kids.

Meanwhile in the living room Frank was in the middle of telling a little story about his fucked up little life. Julie was enamored, and so were most of the other kids at the party, too. Joey, however, had a hard time focusing on his words. Bouncing his leg up and down in frustration, he ended up just observing the front door.

His eyes found you, hands in your jacket’s pockets and a visible scowl on your face. He was a little taken back. Mostly people came to Julie’s parties to either get shitfaced or laid but you only looked extremely annoyed to be here. Now that he thought about it, that’s just what you always looked like, especially in class. He’d seen you around tons of times and knew you as one of Julie’s oldest friends. Maybe you just didn’t like groups of people that much, otherwise for sure Julie would have forced you to take part in her parties and hangouts a lot more often.

That must’ve been it, he thought, since you had no trouble emerging from the kitchen just to plant yourself on the sofa right next to Julie. Joey was intrigued by your ways but he would never admit that to you and even less to Julie.

He awoke from his thoughts to Susie elbowing him to the ribs.

“Hey”, you started, “I’m partly forced to do this-”

Julie interrupted you by snorting.

“-but since you people mean so much to Miss Asshole here, I don’t mind.” You told the lot your name and a little of how you’d come to know Julie, as your parents have been friends for a lifetime already. You were surely gonna tell an embarrassing story about Julie before she slapped a hand in front of your mouth. Laughs erupted all around.

“I’m Joey, nice to meet ya, officially”, Joey raised his beer bottle towards you.

“Yeah, I see you ‘round a lot. World history, right?” You questioned, a little pout on your lips.

“That and French”, he confirmed.

“Oh yeah, although I always sleep through French”, you nodded and chuckled. If common sense hadn’t gotten the best of Joey, he might’ve thought your laugh sounded nice.

“I know”, he grinned. Oh, if he’d paid attention to Julie’s intrigued expression rather than your smile.

You stuck around the group for the party. It was easy for Joey to smile. It was obvious how happy you made Julie by getting on easily with her group, and that was enough to make him happy too. He was certainly glad Julie decided to force you there that day.

“I’ll go for a quick smoke”, you rose up from your seat, hands fishing your pockets for a lighter. Julie gave you a pat on the back and moved her legs to reserve you a seat.

Before the gears in Joey’s head had turned all the way, he had already stood up and agreed to join you. He returned the nod you gave and followed you out the back door, leaving the deafening music behind.

He can no longer remember where the conversation started. All he knew was that he enjoyed talking about everything under the sun with you. He got to share his deepest thoughts without feeling like a burden or worrying about seeming unstable. You weren’t afraid to knock him off his pedestal either. It didn't take long for those smoke break conversations to become a custom.

***

Joey liked his new job at the hardware store. It was easy enough, even with the owner’s ridiculous snow globe collecting. The rest of the Legion teased him about it, especially after they found out a certain someone also worked there.

You shared quite a lot of classes with him in school and whenever the rest of the Legion was unavailable, Joey hovered with you. You’d introduced yourself at one of Julie’s parties and after that wherever Joey looked, you seemed to be there. He didn’t know if he’d just never really noticed you before or if it was “destiny” or some other bullshit his older sister went on and on about.

Whatever it was, Joey didn’t mind. You were good company and didn’t give a shit about his bad habits and more than alarming pastime activities. You had a knack for creating havoc as well, maybe not as crude as setting theaters on fire, but no old woman downtown looked at you and thought to themself; “what a delightful young person” and that’s all that mattered to him.

The day everything changed was quite ordinary in its core. Joey left the building right when you were preparing for your shift. He came across you outside the employee’s entry, a cigarette in between your fingers.

“Lucky you”, you offered him a smoke, “I’m stuck here for the rest of the evening.”

His fingers brushed against the sleeve of your hoodie you had wrapped around yours so as to not freeze them off. “He fired me.”

You glanced up at him. He was pouting and the corner of his eye twitched just a little to tell you how annoyed he really was. Not even the bitter smoke leaving his nostrils seemed to calm him.

“I’m sorry ‘bout that”, you shook your head. You knew he’d stolen some things with Julie and the others but you’d always turned a blind eye. You never liked the owner anyway but you needed the money.

He passed the cig back to you and zipped his jacket up. You could guess what he was thinking, which gave you an idea. “Y’know, Joey, I might be tired when I’m leaving work today. Might forget to lock the back door.”

Joey found it hard to mask his surprise. The raised eyebrow solicited a smirk from you.

“Would be a real shame if that happened, you know there’s a lot of fuckers wanting to thrash that place up”, he said.

You winked at him through the puff of smoke.

***

You’d just exited the building when you saw Joey’s truck pulling up at the front, right outside the cameras’ view. It was dark out and you didn’t see the faces but it was safe to assume that along with Joey, there was Julie, Susie and Frank also in the car.

You pulled your hood up to get even a little protection from the howling wind. They got up from the car, breaths crystallizing in the cold air. You approached them, trying to keep the fire from your lighter alive long enough to get the cigarette between your lips lit.

When that didn’t work out, you just huffed and stuck both items back in your pockets along with your freezing hands.

“Can you guys believe some inconsiderate fool stuck a safety pin in the back door’s lock so I couldn’t close it properly?” You faked an annoyed voice and barely succeeded in hiding your grin.

“Now that’s too bad”, Julie smirked and pulled you into her side for a half-assed embrace. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too. Now y’all have fun in there but just don’t touch my locker. You wouldn’t wanna find out what exactly is in there.”

“Don’t worry. knowing you, it can be anything from rotten guts to a five year stash of chocolate and I wouldn’t wanna be tangled in your wrath in either of those scenarios”, Joey chuckled and patted your shoulder.

Frank gave you a nod of recognition and Susie smiled and waved at you before they all started moving towards the building, hoods up and faces hidden with eerie masks. Deciding not to question it, you waved at their backs and started making your way back home.

Once the building was out of your field of view, a terrible chill ran up your spine. Everything seemed the exact same but the feeling persisted. Unlike the familiar one of being watched, was it accurate or not, this one was more… sinister. Malicious, even. Despite the horrible wind, a thick fog was closing in on you.

You kept walking - you knew the way home after all - but it was no use. You were dead certain everything around you was disappearing, the park bench was not there anymore and you couldn’t even locate the lamp posts.

The fog was thick enough to cause you to lose your heading and make your head heavy. All you saw was gray, anyway, but this gray was purely unsettling.

In the end, the Fog consumed you, leaving no other way to go than forwards.

***

The Fog was indeed sinister and malicious.

At the start, everything was so confusing to you. Jeff - who you’d chatted with in school or seen at the music store - was there too, which by itself would’ve been a relief if he hadn’t aged over twenty years in a single night. He and the others - mainly Bill, whose company you’d joined at first just for the seemingly unlimited supply of cigarettes, helped you get a hold of “things”; handling the pain, sticking your fingers into an endless array of machines, patching yourself and others up and distracting the killer long enough for your teammates to get stuff done.

Easy enough, you thought, I’ll just have to keep performing, how hard can that really be?

The answer: really fucking hard.

Especially after Jeff told you about the other people you’d known in your life, and how they coincidentally were on the other side of this fucked up endless game of cat and mouse.

You called him out on his bullshit - you had never encountered them yourself yet and there was no way that out of all the possibilities this motherfucking lovecraftian being had, it would take six people that knew eachother just to fuck with them some.

Only when you fought for your life back in the familiar winter breeze of Ormond did you start doubting your own mind.

You had spent time at the lodge before and there was no mistaking it. As gray as ever, you thought, no power in the world would bring this shithole color.

It was hard for you to concentrate on anything that trial. Jake was obviously fed up with you fumbling the wires and sent you off to “roll in the snow or something”. Hell, with nothing better to do, you did lay in the snow. The illusion of cold was all around you but the snow felt like nothing. It had the texture, sure, but it didn’t melt in your fingers nor did the falling snowflakes actually touch you - they went right through you - probably didn’t even stay on the ground, just disintegrated and fell again time after time.

Yui ran right past you - the ghost girl fresh on her tail - neither paying you any mind.

You’d been there for, what, a week at most, and you were already beyond fed up with all the antics of the controlling shithead you’d come to know as the Entity.

With nothing but hatred on your mind, you flung a handful of snow in the air and cursed. The crows flew away and the banging in your chest got louder.

With the conclusion of “nothing matters so might as well have fun dying” you decided to harass the Spirit off Yui to get something actually meaningful to do.

As expected, you didn’t make it but it was worth it seeing the rest of your team skedaddle out.

***

Jeff had heard all about your heroic deed last trial but his mood changed once he heard Yui mention the Ormond. You hadn’t come back to the campfire after, so he decided to go find you. Seeing familiar places and faces had been a shock to him, too, and he’d hoped he’d had someone to help him through it.

He found you at the edge of the forest staring straight ahead, deep into the ever changing woods. He sat next to you on the cold ground.

“I should’ve known it would be you.”

Jeff huffed and smiled at you warmly, only you didn’t look anywhere near him. “I know what it’s like. There’s not many of us that know their killer like we do.”

“Y’know, it’s not just that I know them”, you took a long breath. “Hell, I’ve been friends with Julie since we were in diapers. She- all of them became my family-” You managed to choke out before your voice gave out. It was getting harder for you to breathe and Jeff noticed it. You sat together in silence, him patiently waiting for you to calm down.

You cursed loudly, not paying any attention to the tear that had made its way down your cheek.

Jeff patted your back and you didn’t have the energy to shy away from it.

You were still far from calm, muttering curses under your breath and smothering your face in your already damp sleeves. So, he decided to start talking.

“Y’know, after the night you five disappeared, news ran wild in school the next day. Most were sure that you’d just ran away together.”

He kept a small break.

“It was your closing and opening shift, right?” At your meek nod, he continued, “Yeah, no one found the body until after school was over. The next day was pure chaos. You were all suspects, you, especially. I hardly believed it. Arson is one thing, but I couldn’t believe that anyone but Frank could do something like that. Now, it’s clear what happened but when I was still young and naive, I kept thinking ‘no way, these are the people I’ve known for years, this can’t be happening’. And it’s not like I was good friends with any of you, really.”

At that, you gave a small laugh.

“I mean that’s the truth!” He smiled, too, “You all came by the shop a lot, and I did the mural at the resort but at school, all of us had better friends to hang out with. I never even went to one of Julie’s parties. That’s kinda why I moved away after high school; I couldn’t keep living in the town where my speaking acquaintances had been ruled down as murderers.”

The silence was comfortable now.

“Thanks, Jeff”, you sniffled and wiped the last of your tears away.

“Anytime, kid-” Before he even had the chance to finish, you had smacked him in the arm.

“We’re the same age, old man.”

***

That trial started out as any. You greeted Dwight and stuck your fingers into the gears with him. It didn’t take long for your heart to start beating faster.

When you finally caught sight of the killer through the corn, you could barely believe your own eyes.

You would’ve recognized that black jacket anywhere.

Motherfucker.

You scattered away from the generator as fast as possible, going the opposite way from Dwight.

Yui had talked you through about the logistics of going against “The Legion”, ‘stay separated, keep running and don’t bother healing each other up unless you really have to’, but, fuck, was it hard to be productive when you knew who was behind the mask.

He’d gone after Dwight, and it wasn’t long until you heard him yell. Your heartbeat picked up speed again.

“Keep running, huh?” You questioned as you watched him come after you. “No, I don’t think I will.”

Honestly, it was probably the dumbest decision you’d be making.

Would he even know it was you?

Would he care?

Stopping dead in your tracks, your heart felt like it was going to give up any second.

He stopped, too. You were going to stare him down.

You recognized the knife. Fuck, you’d given him the knife. For his birthday, like what, three months ago?

He was as stiff as you. The only sound you could hear was your own heartbeat and your combined, erratic breathing. The knife was lowered but it never left his grip.

“I should’ve known it would be you”, the voice is a bit muffled - courtesy of the mask - but undoubtedly the exact same voice you remembered.

“We heard of a newbie, stirring up trouble and always being half a step ahead”, he continued. You made no move, just looking where his eyes should’ve been. “I should’ve known it’d be you.”

He raised his empty hand towards you. For a moment, you forgot how to breathe. The silence was broken by a generator firing to life and he retracted his gloved hand back to his side. He quickly glanced that way before turning his head back towards you. You never would’ve thought you’d end up in this position. Staring straight into the eyes of a killer, your friend, and being guilty of the fear bubbling up inside of you.

“You should get to work.” It was a wonder your own voice didn’t waver. You just wished your eyes didn’t betray your inner thoughts.

He took another moment to think before answering.

“Come to Ormond when you get out.”

With that, he turned around, leaving to find your other friends, your teammates, no doubt murder on his mind. ‘When’, he’d said, you noticed. He never had an intention to hurt you - he’d had all the chances in the world.

You spent the trial in a haze barely getting anything done. As ridiculous as it was, it felt comforting to know he had the same problem. There was only a few hooks the entire trial and he didn’t dare look in your direction, even when you got caught in the open field, he just went the other way.

Back at the campfire, Ace took on the job of retelling the trial, of how he’d kept the “unruly teenager”, on his trail long enough for three generators to get completed. You decided to let him brag this time and wandered off into the surrounding woods.

At the edge of the premises, you started doubting yourself. He was a killer after all, hell, they were all killers. You had no idea what to expect.

Joey had asked you to come there but would the others want to have anything to do with you? Worst case scenario, Frank would want to kill you. How’d Susie even get wrapped up in this, you wondered, she’d always been the warmest person in the room. You could hardly imagine her hurting anyone. And Julie; you’d always been there for each other but now, after being thrusted on different sides of a wicked game, would that change?

Before you had the chance to spiral further, footsteps woke you up from your thoughts.

He looked far more relaxed now, shoulders down and no bloodlust coating his veins. Still, expressions hidden away by the mask, knife tucked away somewhere.

You had no idea what to think.

Neither of you wanted to make the first move.

“I heard it disfigures killers when they disobey or perform badly”, you started. A neutral statement but worry evident when reading in between the lines. The trial hadn’t been a good performance from him.

Before you could really even close your mouth, he had acted. In a fleeting moment, the mask was gone from his face.

He was the exact same as you remembered him. You didn’t know how to feel. Would the other possibility have felt better?

“Did you talk to Jeff yet?” He asked. You couldn’t read him anymore. Had you really been apart that long? You used to be able to tell what he was thinking from the little twitches in the corners of his eyes.

“Yeah, I…” Everything about the situation was wrong. Knowing what they had done, what they had been doing in this wretched place - your body was screaming at you to run but your heart disagreed.

“He told you everything, didn’t he?” He frowned, only slightly, but it was enough to tell you just how much he hated the thought. At least you could read that off of his face.

You nodded. “Are the others here?” You were glad your voice didn’t waver. Your hands were sweaty and trembling, so you stuck them in your pockets – hoping he didn’t notice. You wanted to see the lot again so bad but you were deathly afraid of how they’d treat you now that nothing was the same anymore.

He nodded. You stared at the resort in silence.

“Nothing’s gonna happen to you, you know. I–” He started, before seemingly shutting himself up. His face said nothing but you knew it was bothering him, not being able to say it out loud.

You turned away from him and the resort. Your brain was scrambled and fried, heart beating like it was going to give up any moment, legs barely carrying your weight.

“I shouldn’t be here, Joey, I don’t- I don’t belong here anymore”, you managed to choke out.You didn’t hear his response, the ringing in your ears was sure to make you deaf. Your chest was tightening with every breath.

Warm hands guided you to sit on a rock. They were a nice contrast to the chilling tremor going up your spine.

After a moment of calming yourself and evening out your breath, you opened your eyes – when had you closed them? – only to gaze straight into Joey’s soul. You knew what he was going to say before interrupting himself, what he was feeling, just from the little twitches around his eyes.

The corner of his mouth lifted up.

“You’re always gonna belong here”, your name sounded far too familiar coming from his lips, “We’re not gonna abandon you, I’m– Listen, I’m not going to abandon you. Okay?”

You nodded. You knew he wasn’t lying.

***

#jems content #dead by daylight #dead by daylight x reader #dbd #dbd x reader #the legion #the legion x reader #joey the legion x reader #he has finally left my brain for good lmao

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cudan2 · 4 years ago

Text

One Last Surgery

Spring Break Shadowing Part 5.1

Carlisle Cullen x Reader

Word Count: 2,043

Summary: You finally find out the reason for going to the children’s hospital, but you’re more distracted than usual today and Dr. Cullen can tell.

A/N: Tell me why part 5 of SBS takes up over half of the whole series? I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for 5 months because I keep adding more to it smh. Now it’s too long so I’ve decided to split it up into 3 parts (in addition to parts 6 and 7). I’m making the final edits the rest of this part now - 5.2 should be posted in like two days.

Anyways, this is technically the beginning of #1 and #2 on my headcanon list.

Masterlist

XXX

Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital is only across the street from Doctor Cullen’s office, but it seems to take forever to get there. You trail the doctor like a lost puppy through a skyway and a series of corridors before eventually reaching the right building. Different is definitely an understatement.

Gone are the linoleum-tiled floors, the abstract paintings lining the hallways, and the stark white walls. Instead, there are bright colors everywhere you look. Artwork featuring various galaxies and planets scatter throughout the hospital, and giant stars are imprinted along the floors; even the whole atmosphere just feels different.

You don’t get much time to analyze the differences though. Doctor Cullen is wasting no time to reach the destination, and his long legs aren’t making it any easier to keep up.

“Not that I don’t like surprises, but any chance you can tell me what we’re doing in the children’s hospital now?”

“Impatient, are we?” Doctor Cullen chuckles. He stops at an elevator and pushes the up button, only giving into your question once he catches a glimpse of your pout. “Alright, you win. Are you familiar with a cleft palate or cleft lip?”

The elevator dings, the doors sliding open with it. You shake your head no and get on the elevator with him. He presses the button for the floor and then leans against the wall, arms outstretched on the handrail, and gives you an explanation.

“A cleft is a gap or split occurring in the roof of the mouth, upper lip, or both. It is due to improper joining of the tissue during fetal development. There are no definitive known causes as of right now, but it’s believed that the environment and genetics can play a role.

The hospital has its own craniofacial team, but I was asked to join this particular case given its more complicated nature. Hanna became one of the first patients I treated when I came to Columbia,” Doctor Cullen finishes fondly, a smile gracing his lips.

“What makes this case complicated?” you ask.

“Hanna was born with a bilateral complete cleft lip and palate, meaning her lip cleft is two-sided and continues into her nose. It took quite a few surgeries to repair the lip, but now the next step is to repair the palate.”

The elevator reaches the floor and dings. You follow Doctor Cullen out and continue prodding him with more questions, which he is more than eager to answer. It’s incredible how knowledgeable he is. Granted, it is his job to know these things, but you couldn’t begin to imagine yourself being able to even scratch the surface of these topics, not to mention give a mini lecture on it.

You’re soon standing at the door to a patient room while the doctor asks Hanna’s parents if you can observe. They readily agree, and Doctor Cullen motions for you to come in.

Inside the room, you see an infant that can’t be more than a year old – Hanna. She’s sitting upright on the bed, leaning against who you assume to be her father. You notice two fading scars going up into her nose above her lip. Her mother is waving a stuffed toy around her, but Hanna’s attention is fixated on the blonde doctor.

“Y/N, allow me to introduce you to Hanna’s parents, Anthony and Linh Pham. And this is Doctor Giselle Adamou, who will be working with me on the surgery,” Doctor Cullen gestures to the older doctor in the room.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” you say politely.

Pre-op goes differently than what you’ve gotten used to observing this week. There is no case presenting given the lack of residents on the case. If anything, this is what you would expect out of a non-teaching hospital.

Doctor Cullen re-explains the procedures to Hanna’s parents, but halfway through, Hanna crawls to the end of the bed where Doctor Cullen is and attempts to stand, arms outstretched as if to say, “Up! Up!” Bewilderment is not a word you would have associated with him, and yet you catch the brief widening of his eyes that betray his usually calm demeanor.

“I think she wants you to hold her,” Linh comments.

“I can see,” Doctor Cullen muses. “Do you mind?”

“She’s all yours.” Linh picks her daughter up from the bed and hands her to the doctor. The sound of Hanna’s elated laughter fills the room, and you can’t stop a small smile from appearing on your own face. A cute baby and a gorgeous doctor? You don’t know who to thank for the sight.

Meanwhile, Hanna starts playing with various pens in Doctor Cullen’s breast pocket while Doctor Adamou continues where her colleague left off. You try to pay attention, you really do. Like Hanna though, your attention lies on someone else, and that someone else happens to be Doctor Cullen.

The more you study him, the more the minute features you never noticed about him before seem to pop out to you. Under the bright fluorescent lighting of the hospital, the dark purple circles under his eyes are more apparent than ever. How ironic for the preacher of health to lack sleep himself. His eyes, which you normally consider to be a vivid golden, are darker than you initially thought them to be. They are liquid pools of dark amber, speckled with dustings of gold and flecks of black. There isn’t a single blemish on his face that you can see either, further confirming your belief that this man is truly the most attractive person you have ever met. Either that or he must have one hell of a skincare routine.

It’s unnerving how young his appearance is. Skincare and diet can only do so much for a person, right? Doctor Cullen has to be at least 35 at the minimum, yet he could easily pass off as someone from your own school.

“Any last minute questions?” you hear Doctor Adamou ask and snap back into reality. By missing nearly everything the older doctor talked about, you already know you’ll be so screwed if and when Doctor Cullen decides to interrogate you on this case.

Neither parent has anything left to say, so Doctor Cullen gives a reluctant Hanna back to her mother. She lets out a cry and his expression softens.

“I know, sweetheart. I’ll miss you too, but I need to get ready for your big surgery, okay? I promise you’ll see me again in a few hours.” His soothing voice does wonders for her. In an instant, Hanna quiets down and her frown is replaced with giggles and smiles again. She waves the two of you off, and you both take your leave with Doctor Adamou trailing behind you. You’re not even halfway out the door yet when Doctor Cullen starts testing your knowledge again.

“Y/N, what procedure will we be doing to repair Hanna’s cleft?”

You do not have this one in the bag whatsoever. You wrack your brain for information that could help you, but Doctor Adamou interjects before you get a chance to say anything.

“Why does it not surprise me that you’re treating students like interns already, Carlisle?”

“I am merely advancing the education of next generation’s doctors,” he responds.

“Whatever you say,” she laughs. “Don’t scare off Y/N though, or we won’t have any doctors left in the next generation.” She turns to you after picking up files from a nearby counter and says, “You come running to me if he pushes you too hard, alright?”

You grin. “For sure.”

“Good. I look forward to seeing you both in the OR,” she says before heading off.

You like Doctor Adamou. Each surgeon you’ve met here so far has had such different personalities, yet each also has the charisma and confidence to take control of a room and command respect. You, on the other hand, could barely get your own friends to listen to your own words. How are you ever going to get on the level of all the amazing doctors around you?

“She saved you there,” Doctor Cullen comments, leafing through Hanna’s charts as he walks you into an empty elevator to the operating floor. Oops, it’s just your luck that he noticed your lack of attention during the pre-op. “It’s unlike you to be distracted. Penny for your thoughts?”

The elevator doors shut, and he looks up from the chart, his eyes falling onto yours. He has that twinkle in his eyes again – the one that brings warmth to your cheeks and could make anyone weak in their knees. You know it’s silly, but a single look from him could make you spill any of your deepest and darkest secrets, yet a part of you also knows that he would keep it. You’re not naïve – you know it’s dangerous to put so much faith into a man you only met this week – but there’s something about him that told your instincts to trust him from the very beginning.

Call it intuition, or maybe it’s just plain stupidity, but you sure as hell aren’t going to tell him about how you got distracted because of his pretty face.

You hesitate for a moment and let out a sigh. “How do you do it?” He quirks a brow, momentarily perplexed, and you attempt to find the right words. “How do you make all of this look so easy? How do you know what the right thing to say is? Or trust that what you’re doing is even right? How did you know if this was all meant for you? This is really dumb, but it seems like everyone here was born for this job, and then there’s... me.”

There’s a slight sense of dread starting to form in your stomach. You’re unsure if what you asked even made any sort of sense and wonder if you gave too much away. Giving any reason to second guess your abilities is like digging your own grave when it comes to this career. Expressing uncertainty is one of the biggest taboos of the cutthroat world that is pre-med because schools would not accept students that aren’t absolutely, totally, and completely sure about this path.

You’ve wanted this for so long, yet there’s still a part of you that doubts if you would be enough.

Rather than going straight to gowning and scrubbing in for the surgery, Doctor Cullen grabs your hand and leads you down to an abandoned hallway, only letting go once the two of you are hidden in an alcove away from any prying ears or eyes.

“What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for surgery?”

“We have a few minutes to spare. Y/N, please know that I understand how you feel,” he says softly. “There was a time when I questioned my own abilities as well… whether my perseverance could overcome adversity. It took quite some time to reach where I am today. However, without enduring those trials and tribulations, I would not be here. With time comes experience, and it is that experience that allows me to perform my job the best I can.”

His voice reminds you of a gentle breeze, rustling the leaves of a tree on a cool summer night when he continues speaking in hushed tones. It brings a blanket of reassurance, a sense that things would eventually be alright.

“I have said this before, but I see enormous potential in you. You still have a great deal of time to grow and develop your skills. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing yourself with others, especially given today’s societal standards, but I believe you are much more capable than you may think you are. Everyone’s journey is different and yours may not necessarily be as linear as you would prefer. In due time though, I have faith that you will succeed.”

What he says is exactly what you needed to hear.

The swell of tears pricks at your eyes and start blurring your vision, but you blink them away quickly, fighting the urge to wrap your arms around the doctor.

“Thank you, Doctor Cullen.” Your voice is barely above a whisper.

“You’re very welcome. Now, I believe there’s a little girl waiting on us.”

XXX

Tag List - Message me to be added or removed to either this series or the rest of my fics!

@jelly-fishy-babie @notahappytree @anxiousgoldengirl

#carlisle cullen #carlisle cullen x reader #carlisle cullen imagine #twilight #twilight fanfiction #twilight imagines #twilight renessaince #twilight saga #twilight reboot #twilight renaissance #doctor daddy cullen #you guys can't tell but this whole story was one large self-insert #i started writing this at the beginning of the pandemic #was in the midst of my junior year and about to apply to dental schools #basically got rejected from all 19 schools i applied to only for one to rescind their rejection and offer me a spot for next year's class #it's a school in new york too!!#what are the odds?#for anyone struggling out there or feeling like things aren't going the way you want them to - life has a way of working out eventually #twilight fanfic

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karmasuna · 5 years ago

Text

going grocery shopping with the boys! [kaminari denki, bakugo katsuki, todoroki shouto, midoriya izuku]

Genre: Fluff

A/N: Here’s a few domestic hcs with some of the boys, hope y’all enjoy!

(p.s. oop this has been buried in my drafts for a while so i apologize if it’s bad hehe <3)

Kaminari Denki

○ You’re forced to go with him because no one trusts him to go on grocery shopping duty for your class with Sero anymore after the one time they came back with ten boxes of cereal

○ After Bakugo, who blatantly refused to go with him, you were next on the very short list of people who could just barely keep Denki under control

○ Going to the supermarket with him would be a wild ride

○ He would definitely want to sit in the cart and have you push him around

○ Gives you puppy eyes as he tries you to convince you to yet more junk food

○ “We’re heroes, Denki, and besides, there’s already a bag of gummy bears at the dorms.”

○ “But those are normal gummy bears, Y/N, these are special sour ones!”

○ Expect so much whining from him as you put back the stuff he tries to sneak into the cart

○ Trying to keep him under control in the candy aisle would be like trying to keep a five year old on a sugar high calm

○ You would have to convince him to put down the extra value bag of special edition chips with the promise of extra cuddles and kisses when you guys got back to the dorms

○ He always insists on carrying all the groceries to show you “how great of a boyfriend he can be”

○ And you give him a peck on the lips as thanks

○ But you always have to take the eggs from the bag in case he breaks them again after last time when he waved his arms around too excitedly

Bakugo Katsuki

○ He’s a surprisingly good person to go grocery shopping with

○ After all, he is the one who cooks the most for the class

○ “Grab some more bread babe, shitty Deku used it all up making his stupid sandwiches.”

○ Acts like he doesn’t care about whether your classmates have enough groceries to last them the week

○ “I couldn’t care less whether those extras have enough food. They could starve to death for all they care.”

○ But he keeps track of all the food in the dorm kitchen, and always reminds you to grab stuff that’s almost running out, contradicting his words.

○ He always grabs extra of your favorite food when you two go shopping

○ And you find out since your snack cabinet in your room is always refilled after your grocery runs with Katsuki

○ He always gets you healthy snacks, telling you that you shouldn’t be eating garbage

○ “Stop eating that trash, dumbass. You gotta take care of yourself more, you’re a hero student.”

○ And you always make sure to show your gratitude to him by grabbing extra ingredients to bake Katsuki his favorite cookies when you get back to the dorms.

Todoroki Shouto

○ Before going grocery shopping with him, you would have thought that he would be a responsible enough person to go with

○ He is like a six year old trapped in a (very attractive) sixteen year old body

○ “Love, we should get more soba.”

○ “Shouto, baby, you still have two packs at home.”

○ “What if it isn’t enough to last me the rest of the week?”

○ And you can only laugh at him saying that with such a serious face

○ He wanders off into other aisles while you’re busy grabbing everything your class needs

○ When you find him again, he’s always holding a strange food item

○ “Y/N, we should try out this strawberry flavored protein powder. It seems intriguing.”

○ “Shouto, do you still remember what happened last time you bought that banana flavored syrup or whatever that was?”

○ “Oh. Right.”

○ And he wordlessly disappears to return the powder to its original place

○ He always tries to convince you to get the class extra treats for the class using his father’s credit card(s)

○ Trying (and failing) to slide in Endeavor’s credit card to the cashier before you can pay with the class allowance for the groceries

○ While Shouto pouts as you swat his hand holding the credit card away, his plan to further drain his father’s bank account ruined

○ You can’t help but laugh and stand on your tiptoes as you press a kiss to his cheek at his adorable expression.

Midoriya Izuku

○ As expected, this baby boy goes grocery shopping so prepared

○ He always brings a long grocery list with to him make sure you guys get everything your class needs

○ Makes sure to write down everything your classmates requested for you two to get and all their favorite foods

○ “Y/N, we should get more potatoes, Kacchan likes them in his curry.”

○ He also takes so much care in writing up meal plans to make sure all of you are eating balanced meals and getting all the nutrients needed.

○ Getting enough vegetables to last you guys for the week is a must

○ And Izuku always makes sure that the veggies are varied throughout the week so that meals never get too boring

○ He always grabs plenty of healthy post-workout snacks, so that your classmates won’t have an excuse to resort to eating junk food.

○ Izuku does get a little bit of junk food though- he knows how important it is to have a good snack to reward yourself once in a while

○ He will loosen up a bit during special occasions though, letting you take the reins and grab all the junk food you want in preparation of class 1A’s movie night

○ The teen always makes sure that you get everything you need and might want in the future

○ “Y/N, there’s a sale on the yogurt you like so much! Would you like me to grab some for you?”

○ And you smile and nod at him in thanks

○ He remembered even the smallest things you mention- even the things you don’t remember saying you wanted

○ “Baby, you said you wanted some more jam last Thursday. Did you grab it yet?”

○ “Oh, I forgot about that. Thanks, ‘Zuku,” you say to him, squeezing his hand in appreciation

○ As he responds with a bright smile that warms your heart.

#bnha #bnha headcanons #bnha imagines #bnha scenarios #kaminari x reader #denki x reader #kaminari denki x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #midoriya x reader #midoriya izuku x reader #bakugou fluff #todoroki shoto fluff #midoriya fluff

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ratisnotcrying · 3 years ago

Text

thank you for not giving up

summary: Contrary to all evidence, Buck didn’t really enjoy writing - or rather he did enjoy writing, would even say he was good at it, but he never wrote for pleasure. He looks over at the countertops, freshly cleaned; looks at the sink, empty of dishes and wonders if he should have cleaned the drawers as well but he shakes his head, wipes away the tears blurring his vision and looks back down at the page he was writing.

pairings: implied/referenced buck/eddie, 118 family

warnings: suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, fainting, insecurity, references to vomiting

word count: 3.6K

a/n: this is my first fic in this fandom!!. Pre-editing there was a slightly excessive use of the word ‘wonder’ and i dont know if ive fixed it :D this fic was initially supposed to be 2k, and it was almost 4k after the first draft… oops anyway i really enjoyed writing this (bit morbid) which is nice after some huge writers block - this is cross posted on ao3 - please tell me if i need to add any tags or warnings

~~~

Contrary to all evidence, Buck didn’t really enjoy writing - or rather he did enjoy writing, would even say he was good at it, but he never wrote for pleasure. For example, when he had written postcards for Maddie he had enjoyed keeping her updated on his life, but he hated that this was the only way he could do it; it had been nice to write Abby, to finally let out everything he wanted to say, but he hated that it had come to that.

Then he had written a letter of resignation - he hadn’t told anyone for obvious reasons - but it had been like a weight off of his shoulders, knowing that he could escape the consequences of his behaviour, no matter how much of a coward it made him feel. Now that he thought about it, it was probably still somewhere in the kitchen.

He looks over at the countertops, freshly cleaned; looks at the sink, empty of dishes and wonders if he should have cleaned the drawers as well but he shakes his head, wipes away the tears blurring his vision and looks back down at the page he was writing.

~~~

It had started small, so small he hoped he could be imagining it.

It had started with Chimney.

The 118 had just got back to the house after what was, in the grand scheme of things, a good call - a group of friends had been on a hike and one of them had, somehow, managed to get stuck up a tree. It also happened that Chim had been standing right under the tree when she got out and was covered in all the leaves that had been shaken loose.

“Chim, you look fine! You kind of look like a bush in a school play, but other than that you look fine.” Bobby chuckled as he jumped out the truck.

“I can't believe so many leaves came from one tiny tree!”

Hen stuck her head round the ambulance, “Hey, you remember that call, what was her name?”

“Oh! Alex with the-”

“Yeah, Alex with the cat-”

“Chim, you climbed so far up that tree that time and you and that cat you were both such a mess - leaves and- and twigs everywhere.” Hen wheezes, doubled over.

Buck smiled, confused, “When was this?”

Chimney paused for a second, “Oh, it was when you were off, right after the lawsuit. Wasn’t that the same week you got pushed into all that fruit, Bobby?”

“Yeah, and yes, it was rotten before you-”

Bobby didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before Chimney was cackling again, “You smelled so bad for weeks and- Cap, I swear I can still smell it sometimes.”

Buck was still listening as they all walked towards their lockers, but a small part of his brain was already replaying the conversation, reminding him that there were so many moments, tiny moments, that he had missed because of his own pig-headedness. It made him briefly, fleetingly, wonder why he had fought so hard to come back.

~~~

Then it was Hen.

Everyone was sitting together over breakfast, except Bobby who was still standing at the stove, silently praying they wouldn’t get a call until after they had eaten, or at least until Hen had finished the story she was telling.

“So then I realised where I knew this guy from - he was the last client I spoke to when I was a sales rep,” she faltered, ever so slightly and her eyes flicked to Buck for a moment, almost warry, before she continued, “I mean, I threatened to stab this guy with his own steak knife!”

The table erupted into laughter and so did Buck, more a reflex than anything else because the last time Hen had looked at him like that had been over the cold conference table, her personal life spread out for scrutiny, dumped out and mixed in with everyone else's.

Buck felt numb all of a sudden, shocked-still with guilt rushing through him - he was struck by the realisation that even though everyone seemed to have forgiven him, they still didn’t trust him, not even with the smallest stories.

~~~

It was different with Bobby, it wasn't anything that he had said because he hadn’t said much of anything since Buck came back: it was how he looked at him.

He still remembers when he got fired, which is unsurprising - it’s not every day you get fired for stealing a ladder truck twice - but more than anything he remembers how angry Bobby had been, how he looked angry at himself as well for not seeing this coming. That's how Bobby looked after the lawsuit, disappointed in Buck and angry at himself for not knowing Buck would do this: he looked like he believed it was a given, a fact set in stone, that Buck would always make the wrong choice.

Buck isn’t sure Bobby was wrong. If he thought about it, he had made the wrong choice more times than he had made the right one, more times than he could ever hope to count, and he had disappointed more people than he could count.

He was almost glad he hadn't seen much of Athena recently because he's not sure he could stand to see the hurt and disappointment on her face. Since their first meeting, rocky as it had been, Athena had been like a mother to him and disappointing her like he always had his own mother… that would be too much for him to handle.

So now, every time the bell rang, every time Athena pulled up on a scene, they would look at him and it made his skin crawl.

~~~

Buck was startled awake by someone banging on his door.

“Hey! You’d better be decent, we’re coming in.” Eddie called as he opened the door, Chris following behind him.

He was not, in fact, decent, and he had all of five seconds to throw on some pants before Eddie came jogging up the stairs.

“You said you’d watch Chris today, why’re you still in bed?”

“Uh, maybe because it's seven in the morning and I wasn't expecting you till nine?”

“Oh, right,” Eddie slapped him on the shoulder and grinned, “I forgot to tell you there was a change of plan.”

He listened from the bathroom to Chris and Eddie chatting and cringed a bit when he caught sight of himself in the mirror, grinning like an idiot.

“So, what are we gonna do today?” Buck asked as he rummaged through his cupboards for the cereal.

“Can we go to the beach?” Chris says with all of the child-like innocence Buck thought he’d had taken from him.

He tries not to falter, he really does, but he’s so shocked he spills some milk on the counter, “You wanna go to the beach?”

“Yeah, I went with Dad when you weren’t here, and now I want to go with you.”

Buck put a bowl of cereal in front of Chris, stirring his own as he thought.

He knew, realistically, that he would miss out on seeing Chris grow, would miss seeing him in general, but realising that he had missed something so huge, such a massive step forwards in his healing… Buck wished he could have been there, could have been with Chris so they could have moved on together, even if it was just one step they took together.

“Buck?”

“Sorry, buddy, yeah, we can go to the beach.” He tried to smile but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

Chris ate in silence for a moment, studying him. It made Buck squirm - Chris was barely ten years old and he had seen so much, he could read people so well.

“I wanted you to come with us when we went before, but Dad said you were busy.”

“Yeah, yeah, I uh- I was, but I'm not now, so what do you say we head out about ten?”

He texted Eddie before they left, letting him know exactly where they were going, what time he expected to be back and whilst he waited for a response he half expected Eddie would tell him no, don't take my son to the beach.

Instead Eddie gives him the all clear, tells them to have fun.

But all Buck can think about is how sad Chris had looked when he said he wanted Buck there and how it was his fault Chris looked like that, that Chris felt like that, and he wonders how many times that had happened.

“Your actions, your choices, they impact the rest of us.” - that’s what Eddie had half yelled at him in the middle of a grocery store. Buck can’t believe it took him that long to realise he was hurting Chris as well, after he had hurt him so much already.

~~~

A week after the beach, Buck couldn't stop thinking about everyone he had hurt, not that he ever had, but it felt like he was being crushed by the weight of what he had done anew every single day.

“Hey, Chim?”

He looked up from where he was doing dishes.

“So, you know how after the lawsuit, me and Eddie weren’t really talking? Well, obviously he forgave me-”

“Yeah and thank god for that, it was almost unbearable being in the same room as you two.”

Buck chuckled, “Yeah, I get that. But, um. Did everyone else? Forgive me, I mean?”

“Yeah, of course - why?” He said, half listening to Maddie with Jee in the next room.

“I just- I can't help but think that no one has. Like no one-”

“Chim, can you come here for a sec?” Maddie called.

“Just a second! Buck, listen, everyone's forgiven you, okay? We’re fine, you’re fine, but Jee does not sound fine, so I'll be back in two minutes!” Chim called over his shoulder.

Buck just picked up the dishes where Chimney had left off.

~~~

It carried on like this for weeks, every interaction, every second glance, everything adding up until, inevitably, Buck reached his breaking point.

It was a bad call. A collision, two vehicles - a car and a tow truck - a freak accident, the driver of the car was thrown through the windshield, the truck had rolled and the car driver's leg was trapped under the cab.

Buck was good at his job, but he was only human so, as he worked, doing exactly and only as he was told, his hands shook to the point that he thought he was actually making the situation worse.

It took a couple of hours for everyone to be off to the hospital, and another half hour for the 118 to be back at the house. Buck did not remember most of it. The driver that had been crushed was going to be fine, but there had been three casualties and he could feel himself spiralling, every choice he had made since he himself had been crushed playing on repeat until he came full circle and-

“Buck?'' There was a hand on his shoulder, Bobby was standing in front of him, Eddie off to one side, watching, “Buck, go home. Get some rest, talk to someone, I’ll call you in the morning.”

Buck only now realises that the alarms are going off, he can hear people running, the engine starting and Buck nods blankly as Bobby almost carries him outside to an uber.

~~~

By the time he can feel his hands again he’s sitting on his couch, rubbing them together, rubbing salty tears into the wound he hasn't stopped picking for weeks. He thinks about Chimney. He thinks about Chimney and Hen and Eddie and Chris and Bobby and Athena. He thinks about his parents and his sister and the brother he didn't, doesn't even remember he thinks about Abby and he thinks about every mistake he has ever made. He thinks about the driver pinned under the cab of the truck and wonders if he should have warned him about how quickly everything can go wrong.

He thinks about how everything can still be wrong, even when you think it’s not.

He thinks about how his family still doesn't trust him, how he missed out on huge chunks of their lives, missed out on time he'll never get back, and he cannot breathe, guilt and hatred and rage crushing his chest until he thinks he's going to black out.

He comes too on the floor, drags himself up onto the couch and thinks about his letter of resignation, the kitchen drawers, cleaning the apartment so nobody else has to.

He thinks about how to let go of what he lost and never got back.

~~~

The sun had long set, but with all the blinds open and the dirty glow of the streetlights, Buck could just about make out the letter he was trying to write.

His hands were shaking and he wasn’t sure what he was doing. Apart from lying to himself, because he knew exactly what he was doing. He was stalling. He wasn’t sure if he was going to do this.

He had already written one for Hen, one for Chimney, one for Bobby and Athena, and now he was fumbling uselessly through his fifth page to Eddie. It was a barely legible garbled mess, half-formed sentences about loss and fear of losing, fear of missing out and the guilt that followed, the guilt Buck already felt for how this would end, each scrawled paragraph ended with an apology that he knew would never be enough.

Somewhere along the way he writes a letter for Chris as well. He tucks it in with Eddie's.

It was almost one am by the time Buck had all the letters written and he was moving on autopilot now: standing mechanically from the couch, pulling on his jacket, checking the door was locked as he left, then double checking and finally- finally, walking away.

~~~

As he walked, he couldn’t help but think about who he used to be - Buck 1.0 was a mess and made more mistakes than he cared to count, he had ideas he knew were bad ideas and then ran head first into them with a cheeky smile and a joke to pull him out the other side. Buck 2.0 still had bad ideas, still made mistakes, ones that he committed to, but somehow that commitment just made it worse. He thought about it right up until he found one reason it was a good idea, and then ran into it with all the confidence he could muster.

Which, he supposes, is why he was wandering the streets of L.A. at one am, all burnout and nowhere to go. Before, he could have gone to Eddie, he could have gone to Bobby, to Maddie, but that was all before. Before the lawsuit, before his leg, before the tsunami, before before before.

And then there’s now.

Now, where he had finally become Buck 2.0 with a whole plan, a plan which ended on a bridge. A plan, a bad decision, a mistake, that ended with him alone, sitting balanced on a railing.

~~~

In the distance, on the other side of the water, he could see the lights of a fire engine flashing, he could feel the wind trying to blow him off the railing, hear the water rushing to catch him, and felt all of a sudden calm. The kind of calm he only felt at- that he used to feel at work, the kind of calm that held his hands steady and slowed his racing mind.

The sudden reprieve from his racing thoughts had him thinking with more clarity - he knew this was selfish and part of him was screaming at him, begging him not to do this, to talk to someone like Bobby had suggested, but the voice in the back of his mind was whispering, louder and louder to just let go.

The whispering sounded so much like the wind, wrapping gently around him and tugging him forwards.

He uncurled his hands from the railing, adjusted his footing and-

“Sir? My name’s Bobby, why don’t you come down so we can talk?”

Buck hadn’t cried, not since the crash scene earlier but, hearing Bobby's voice, it was like a switch had flipped. The rest of the 118 were still on shift, because he had been sent home early, because they cared about him, except they didn't, they didn't trust him they didn’t-

“Okay,” Bobby called again, closer than before, “Could you tell me your name?”

“Stop! Stop coming closer. I dont- I don’t want to get down.”

He could picture the looks on everyone's faces, he could see the tears they thought they had to cry and it just made him feel worse.

“Buckaroo, what’s going on?” Chimney called from where he was gripping Hen’s shaking shoulder.

“Nothing, you guys should go. Please-” his voice cracked a little at the end, the wind picking up, trying harder to push him forwards.

“We can talk about this - whatever it is that’s brought you up here, we can help you.” Chimney tried, his voice wavering with desperation.

“You can’t help me. I made sure of that, didn’t I? I screwed up, every step of the way, I lost your trust - I didn't deserve your trust and now I don't have it, and you- you don't have to be here you-!” Buck choked on a sob.

“Buck you’re not thinking straight, which is expected right now,” Bobby cut in, “We can talk about this. I think that there’s been some miscommunication, but right now all you need to know that we do trust you. We trust you every single day, with our safety, with our hearts, with everything. Buck you are a part of this family - we are family and we need you, we need you to come down from there, we need you to talk to us.” He pleaded, desperately trying not to run to him and drag him off the railing.

Everyone was silent for a moment, the only noise was that of the water below.

Buck sighed, “I tried to talk to you. I tried to apologise but I- everything I do is just exhausting, I didn’t think, I don't think, I don't think about anyone except myself and you all have to clear up my messes, all the time. And now here you are cleaning up another one of my messes.”

Eddie hadn’t even moved from where he was, half in half out the truck - he hadn't moved since he realised it was his best friend, his- since he realised it was Buck, sitting there, ready to die. Because he thought he was exhausting. The word rang in Eddie's mind like he had been hit over the head with it, his teeth rattled with it, hands shook like they used to before a fight and all he could do was stand there as Buck swayed on the edge.

And then Buck was literally swaying as he brought both hands up in a futile attempt to scrub the tears from his face.

"I shouldn’t have said that to you.” Eddie said, a little too loudly and Buck jerked forwards in shock, barely grabbing the rail in time, “Buck, I was tired, but not because you had exhausted me, because, shit, Buck I was exhausted, I am exhausted but that’s not an excuse for what I said. I want to help you. Please.”

Eddie’s almost standing within arms reach of Buck now, but he doesn't dare move closer because he’s shaking his head like he thinks Eddie's lying.

“Buck, Evan, do you remember what I said to you? Do you remember what I said when I brought Christopher round for the first time after the tsunami? I said ‘thank you for not giving up.’"

He can hear Buck sobbing and his own voice cracking, hear people talking, a car pull up, but he tunes it out, focuses on Buck and his breathing.

“I didn't just mean not giving up on him, I meant not giving up on you. I could see you wasting away - I get it, you thought you had lost everything - but I will never stop being thankful that you never gave up on yourself. Buck - Buck, please you have to listen to me, you have to get down.”

Buck sighed, head rolling back, hands flexing where he held on, “You know, I was going to do this before. When I was a kid, I knew my parents… my mom always- they both looked at me in this way that made my skin crawl, made me feel like I had fucked up just by being born-” Buck laughed wetly, “guess I wasn’t too far off. I just couldn't…”

He had turned slightly, finally meeting Eddie's eye and giving Bobby the split second he needed to lunge forward and grab Buck tightly around the waist, the shock loosening his grip on the railing enough for Bobby to drag him backwards off the railing onto the floor. Eddie immediately drops to his knees next to them, wrapping his arms awkwardly around Buck.

Buck screams. It sounds distant, like a shot from a film. He screams and there are tears streaming down his face as he tries to fight free of the tight embrace he’s trapped in.

Then there’s two hands on his face as well, brushing tears away and it’s Athena, whispering to him telling him she can’t lose a child, not again, not like this.

His scream chokes off until he's only sobbing, loud, violent sobs that rack his body and each one tears its way up his throat, clawing its way up from somewhere so deep inside him he feels himself gag around it until he's dry heaving into the grass next to him and there's hands rubbing gently at his back, a bottle at his lips.

And, for the second time that night, he passes out.

#tw suicide #tw vomit #suicidal thoughts #tw fainting #insecurity #lmk if i need to tag anything else #911 fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #bobby nash

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