#(okay real talk my ex has a lot of trauma and i have compassion for her but she is an adult and i know she is capable of better)

[muralofsolitude]

okay so hypothetically if your ex broke up with you and wanted to go straight back into being friends but then told you that in 5ish months when their busy work season had ended that you both could check in about dating again

but then after 3 months of asking for post-breakup space you told them that you two could either try and heal the relationship now or they needed to give you indefinite space to fully get over the feelings before you could be friends bc you pretending to be just friends while hoping they would choose you later would be harmful to you and not aligned with your journey of self love

but then they got mad and guilted you about it and then rudely cut off communication which kind of destroyed you but you did your best to heal and hope they regretted the ways they had reacted bc you swore they were better than that

and then they came back two months later to ask to check in bc it’d been the 5ish months and when you nicely said you weren’t ready to hear them out without an apology for the hurtful way they ended things last time so then they came back to double down on all the things they said two months prior and then cut off communication again

so uhhh what was i saying oh yeah hypothetically speaking if your ex had actually wanted to remain friends then why did they do the harm that actually made future friendship impossible yet blamed you for it and not to mention blamed you for apparently not doing as much as they did in your relationship (:

[margotverger]

top 5 best hannibal takes and worst hannibal takes. go

okay i’m going to do this generally on what other people’s takes (that i’ve seen or read somewhere) are because none of my hannibal takes are bad. 

top 5 best:

that margot should have been butch in the tv show and that the margot/alana romance could have been developed a little more, i’ll elaborate more on the butch angle in top 5 worst, but i think while i enjoy marlana in s3 (who doesn’t) i do think that there could have been a Little More to it, especially since there was admittedly a lot of gratuitous metaphorical work on a visual or verbal level in early s3 that didn’t... really do much after the first few, and that i think bryan fuller definitely got a bit self-indulgent. while i love s3 i think it was weaker because it got quite ensnared in feeling like it had to explain everyone’s individual recovery (not a bad thing necessarily and the looping narrative definitely had this feeling of “time has been changed, mutilated, adjusted after mizumono”, but on a narrative level it could have probably still been achieved but left more room for things to. Happen) and i think that some of the excess could have been trimmed to allow for more margot-alana development beyond simply talking about taking revenge, i would have loved to see some genuine conversation that only affected both of them that made us realise just why alana would raise the child with her, why they would get marriedーalana having very little dating life and presumably trauma around relationships since her immediate ex tried to murder her and is also a serial killer, and margot having been traumatised repeatedly due to being a lesbian in a very homophobic family, they deserved some space in order to explore why exactly they mean a lot to each other. even a singular scene that didn’t depend on taking vengeance on the men who hurt them would have given us enough i think. 

lara jean chorostecki’s hot take (implied) that freddie would have a wife. groundbreaking. love that. regardless of bryan fuller i am assuming with full confidence that freddie lounds has a wife after the timeskip

autistic will graham. enough said. hugh dancy’s only stupid thing was saying will isn’t autistic. that was a sin. will graham is autistic

lesbian abigail hobbs. lesbian abigail hobbs!

the hot take that hannibal doesn’t do its women characters justice, this isn’t just about deaths (i do agree that for the gothic horror narrative characters are doomed to some extent, and i don’t overly grieve over deaths that came too early, so i’m not too fussed) but on a writing level, bryan fuller definitely tries to portray himself as a very woman-positive author who introduces feminine energy - and he does! but at the same time there is a lack in developing relationships between women, and for a story to truly give space to be a genuinely woman-positive story there needs to be strong relationships between women that don’t depend on men; obviously since hannibal’s presence is insidious and infects everything, as is his luciferian ways, and will’s often the binding agent, this can’t be entirely avoided but regardless of hannibal they can exist, on some small level, individually. we saw that a lot in s1! between abigail and freddie and alana and abigail mostly, plus there was a small glimpse at it in season 3 with bedelia and chiyoh (underrated imo i would love to see further into why bedelia has her views of chiyoh and what that means ... i hope they interact again if hannibal s4 comes to pass!). so it proves there is room for it. it doesn’t need to be every episode or even have a huge arc but seeing hannibal pass the bechdel test more than like. twice a season would be nice!

top 5 worst takes:

that bedannibal is more romantic than hannigram (lol)... i love bedelia and bedannibal a lot but that’s just. hm. incorrect

that hannibal has never loved anybody except will. i’ve wrote about this before but i think that’s a deliberate misunderstanding of the character hannibal. what is unique about hannibal and will’s relationship is not the presence of love but the presence of being changed by that love; transformation is at its core, the openness to being adjusted or altered... recognition, seeing, understanding, and that allowing compassion not only for the other (in hannibal’s case) but for the self (in will’s case). hannibal loves a lot, but his love is not separate from crueltyーi think this is where people misunderstand. just because he is willing to hurt or harm people isn’t, in the narrative (not in real life), because he doesn’t love them. his cruelty is because he loves people enough he wants to bring them to the height of their being, in extremis. he loved alana, which is why he showed her a chance at mercy. he loved bedelia. he loved jack. he loved abigail! he loved bella especially, and he genuinely mourned. these went beyond fascinations; these were genuine expressions of affection, love, whether they be platonic or romantic or familial. hannibal’s flaw is not that he is incapable of love. and personally i think to disrespect his relationships with other characters (who are all women, black or both lol) in order to further isolate the white m/m relationship is... not ideal. not a sign that someone is wholly prejudiced but i think it’s something we should be critical about, especially when hannibal through word of god is confirmed to love other people. 

bryan fuller’s own take that margot being femme is somehow less prejudiced or problematic than if she was butch. i haven’t read the book yet but i already know that margot’s portrayal as a butch lesbian was problematic but thomas harris is . undoubtedly prejudiced in many ways and that’s a fault of him, not a fault of the existence of being butchーbeing butch isn’t just a “stereotype” it’s a genuine mode of existence, it’s an intricate relationship with gender, sexuality and love, and butchness deserves to be represented as something beautiful, desirable and complex... instead of just deciding she should be conventionally feminine because that’s somehow more progressive. but then again he also made her have sex with a man so you know. lol

ANY take that involves over-analysing who is a top or who is a bottom and then rendering the characters into homophobic/fetishistic stereotypes. it’s ugly! it’s weird! keep that shit away from me. also any take involving “dark!will”. again that just does the character of will disrespect lol. the whole point of will is that he is morally complex and perhaps beyond the human scopeーhe is not just an echo of hannibal... i’ve seen one too many fics where will just becomes a savage brutal unfeeling murderer who only cares about hannibal after s3. like please watch the show

that hannibal is a narcissist/sociopath... or any other ableist interpretations. not every villain is a narcissistic (a genuine disorder) sociopath (just another word associated with npd etc) just because they do bad things. they’re very real disorders that people deal with and are infinitely more complex than just a character having a god complex and killing people. the whole point about hannibal is that he exceeds what is considered neurodivergent and while i don’t mind if people with similar disorders relate to him (much like how i relate to will’s autistic traits) i think a lot of bad comes from people throwing the label sociopath around because it becomes dehumanising and leads to further stigma against truly vulnerable people. 

basically any trope that just does a character a disservice or neglects the actual story in further of fetishistic thinking, prejudiced thinking, ableist thinking... will graham can be autistic because of his empathy (i’ve seen it implied that he can’t be because of it when, as a very empathetic autistic person, hyper-empathy is a very common if not universal symptom, it just appears differently) and hannibal is not a sociopath just because he kills and eats people. and we should all have a little sip of critical thinking juice

[jered-bb]

Thoughts

Wow it has been a very long time since I posted here.

Retrospectively I wish I had done so more actively over the years. The posts I made from 2017-2018 are valuable to my current self and my ability to make sense of my past experiences and current situation.

There are so many updates I need to log from the last year+, most of them heartbreaking, but I will save that for another time.

For now I will merely reflect on a conversation I just had with Jandy.

Currently (and as of a couple of weeks ago) we are not dating any more. That’s a long story for another time. But today she was feeling very low and came over to spend some time. I gradually was able to coax some conversation out of her, about how she is feeling and why. It took a lot of comforting and patience on my part.

The gist of things is that she feels stuck and conflicted in many ways. She loves Paul but is not “in love” with him in the way she seems to feel for me. That makes her feel very guilty, because she has stronger feelings for her “ex” than for her husband.

She feels trapped because she does not have the career or financial means to be independent. She is terrified of breaking up with Paul because she has no money and no way to support herself. I mentioned she has a “support” network in the form of friends and family and she cast doubt on that, at one point admitting that even if she did move in with e.g. her sister she would feel terrible and “like a Dara to her”. (Wow, this really shows the opinion she has of Dara. Although I’ve known she is resentful/disdainful of her for a long time... I’ll come back to that in another post.)

On top of that, she would feel incredibly guilty to break up with Paul. She feels like she doesn’t treat him very well, and that he deserves better. She admits to still wanting to be with me even though I am distancing myself from relationships (and in particular, a relationship with her) right now.

I was very mindful of being patient and supportive and giving her space during this time. There were a few times I felt the impulse to get defensive but overall I think I resisted it fairly well.

I brought up codependent habits at one point and she agreed that she has a pattern of that, as well as there being some indicators of it in me in the past. This part tested my patience a bit because she got rather defensive and her tone changed a long the lines of “how dare you tell me things I already know after being in therapy for a couple of weeks, it might be new to you but it isn’t to me.” For one thing, it’s not “new to me”, for another I’m not trying to talk down to you, and finally it’s ironic for YOU to say “you think you know so much” after some therapy after you’ve done it for not that much more than me? Pot, kettle much?

Later on I talked about wanting to treat Paul better myself and she said I don’t treat him very well. I asked for some examples of that and what she said was rather... telling. In no specific order:

He was a "non-entity" to me

95% of the time I only asked what she wanted, or if I asked what he wanted it was through her (her % estimate)

I didn't help out as much as I expected him to (her example being when I asked for help moving the laser)

I didn't respect his boundaries like Jandy being "home by midnight"

On the one hand I think she has some fair points and I have seen some of that on my own and want to be more aware and conscientious of it. On the other hand, the way she talks about it and phrases things makes me wonder if we live in the same reality. It makes me confused and honestly like I'm being gaslit? I don't understand.

For example, the part about respecting boundaries. From my perspective, I have been very conscientious about that, often much more so than Jandy. There have been countless times I've had to remind her of the time and that she might need to go. Countless times I messaged Paul directly to let him know if Jandy had fallen asleep or update him in some way. Countless times I asked him directly if she could stay over.

Overall I was very conscious of boundaries and respected them greatly. Any time she spent more time past midnight, my assumption is that she had discussed or cleared that with him already because primarily it is her fucking duty to respect the boundaries between them, not mine.

Or the "helping out" part. Very, very rarely have I asked Paul for help with something. I can think of the laser, my toolchest, and maybe my arcade machine? Meanwhile they have asked me to help with things and I gladly did, like helping load free firewood, or moving the large free freezer they got, or moving bedframes around, or moving the chest freezer that I gave to them for free, or the time I worked with Leeds to tear up their entire fucking carpet. Yet somehow I don't do my fair share or consider Paul enough? He doesn't really ask often and when he does I'm happy to help, PLUS I have gone above and beyond even when there WASN'T a direct ask.

Things like these just... I don't really trust her. It's not that I think she's lying. I don't trust her brain. I don't trust her perception of things. Her trauma makes her hypersensitive to certain things or react strongly to others. She misremembers telling me or Paul something or vice versa. She completely forgot an entire emotional conversation I had with her about the... the...

Sigh.

At the same time, when she tells me I've been selfish or inconsiderate, I can't help but take it to heart. I do actually recognize that I am an inherently self centered person, and over the last two years I've come to realize a lot of my past behaviors and how shitty they've been. I have a lot of work to get closer to the type of person I want to be.

But it is that very self-awareness that causes friction between how I view certain events or patterns that have happened vs how she does. This is not helped by the fact that over time, her perception of how I act has varied greatly, even during times when there was no perceptible difference on my part. This is a hard thing to put into words... as an example, she has basically judged the amount of effort I have put into the relationship, or the care I show her, as fluctuating greatly over time, even over the span of a few weeks or months. But when I look back, my experience does not match that. The care I paid her was fairly stable, fluctuating a little bit but generally following an arc that spanned many months. She sees "change" in my behavior where I see non, either positive or negative. She will comment that things have gotten "better" when I haven't actually changed how I act or my patterns. Likewise, NOTHING may have changed and yet she will freak out over how my attention has faltered over time.

This is a constant battle within me trying to figure out what is real and what isn't. I recognize that my behavior may change much more - or much less - than I perceive. In addition, her feelings are valid - to an extent - regardless of the "actual" reality of the situation. Feelings don't always make perfect sense, and that is okay.

But at the end of the day, I guess I sort of as myself - is this worth it? Constantly doubting myself and my reality? Trying to figure out how much of what she is telling me matches what I know and feel? Feeling judged and watched and all these expecations around how she wants me to act? All for a person who LITERALLY has had waking hallucinations and was unofficially diagnosed by her counselor as having Borderline Personality Disorder?

I have erred on the side of compassion and trust for so long, and it has hurt me. I feel myself turning away from her and distancing myself because not only does it feel safer, but it gives me a chance to recenter myself and align myself to MY goals, MY life, MY feelings. She is in great pain, and I really feel for her. I still love her. But I can't let her drag me down. Almost the entire time I spent around her today I felt an anxious pit in the center of my stomach. Why would I want that when I could be free to be myself, unburdened by someone else's emotional baggage? It's selfish, yes, but I think it may be the healthy and sane thing to do.

[dottie-wan-kenobi]

They're sort of a fandom but Batfam!

thanks guys!!! this got so long omg, I’m so sorry dsjkfhdskajh

my favorite female character: CASSANDRA MFING CAIN. She is simultaneously one of the most badass characters I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing about, while also being just……….so adorable. Like, I love that she can be the scariest and most competent Bat (she is absolutely 100000% the next Batman I do not take criticism) but also, she’s such a sweetheart. She really loves people (Steph and Duke especially so), she’s an amazing friend and sister, and she is just so authentically herself and does what she wants when she wants, and she works so hard for everything, and I just. Oh my god I love her so much.

my favorite male character: this is so difficult but I have to say Dick Grayson. I Must. He’s basically what started all of this!!! I mean yeah okay Bruce was first, but Robin/Dick is what made Batman interesting and was the first member of the batfam, the one that made it a real family. In addition to that, Dick is just??? So interesting?????? He was the first kid sidekick, he lead the Teen Titans teams, he’s always kind of existed in this place of being the lighthearted one with the Batfam, but the serious one in most other contexts. HE REBELLED FIRST. Nightwing is a fuck you to his dad!!!! I love that! Plus he’s beautiful and has some of the best love interests (I’m talking about Kory and Roy here folks). He’s imperfect and has such depth and I love him kdsjfhjkdshfah

my favorite book/season/etc: I actually really like all the stuff that comes after Bruce “dies”? Seeing them all struggle and fight with each other and everything is really interesting. I love Tim here especially, just bc he’s so fucked up and such a teenager. When characters seem to be having two totally different conversations are SO INTERESTING and that’s what was kind of happening here with Tim and Dick – Tim feels betrayed and hurt, Dick feels stressed and like Tim is ready to move on. And Damian is just an adorable little asshole ksdjfshkjhakjh

my favorite episode (if its a tv show) issue: look I’m a sucker for Dick & Jason feels and I really enjoyed their moments (however few there are) in NTT/Tales of The Teen Titans/etc. They’re pretty small but so cute – it’s really nice to see them trying to figure out how to be brothers!!

my favorite cast member: David Mazouz!!!! Perfect perfect perfect Bruce. I also did like Batfleck, more for the look of exhausted 40 year old man than the story/characterization, but David takes the cake. He does all the different facets of Bruce – traumatized child, obsessive teenager, Brucie the party animal, etc – so well, PLUS THEY HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY. It’s meant to be yall

my favorite ship: most of my Batfam ships are one batfam member/one non member (like Dickkory/Dickroy, Dinahbabs, Timkon, etc). the only one fully in the fam would be Bruce/Talia. When written correctly, they are so sweet and so tragic. The star crossed lovers trope has never looked so good as it does when its them. 

a character I’d die defending: Damian!!!! Admittedly I do get annoyed by him,,,, a lot,,,,,, but really. He’s a child who’s been abused and manipulated and lied to. He was raised in such a dangerous, traumatic environment, and I fucking hate when people act like he’s always going to be the annoying, murderous brat he was when he was first taken away from that environment. He has to heal, and he IS healing. He loves animals so much, he learns to love Dick (and at least get along with the others), he makes friends, he doesn’t kill anymore. He is doing better. There’s no fucking way he ends up as cruel and cold-hearted as some people insist he will. If you don’t like him, just shut the fuck up

a character I just can’t sympathize with: Babs. It’s not that I can’t sympathize with her, it’s more that I just don’t like her lol. I find Batgirl!Babs really boring and regressive for literally everyone involved. The way Babs became Oracle was gross but it gave her such GROWTH and she got to be her own character as Oracle (and also tell people off for pitying her bc she’s in a wheelchair). Batgirl was passed on to Cass, who is both Asian and disabled rep, then to Steph, in a way that was much healthier for the Batgirls than how Robin was passed down. Babs being Oracle gives even more rep to disabled children/girls in wheelchairs, and she isn’t stuck in Gotham! She isn’t part of the Batfam, she’s a Bird of Prey!!!! So much more interesting!!!! Plus D*ckB*bs is boring as fuck and does a disservice to both of them. Let them grow and be their own people and stop making me see Batgirl!Babs alongside Robin!Damian. DC, that’s illegal!!!

a character I grew to love: Talia. I was sadly infected with the Grant Morrison bullshit when I first joined the fandom and I hated Talia. But I’ve read more comics and metas about her and I just. I LOVE HER. She is such a badass and I find her motives (when well written) to be really interesting!!! She’s loyal to her dad but wants the best for Damian, and does have genuine affection for Bruce and Jason. She’s not the heartless woman some people/writers make her out to be, she has compassion and drive. She doesn’t care what people think about her. I want to marry her sdkjhfjksah

my anti otp: Jason/Roy. In any context other than RHaTO, it makes no sense and does a disservice to both characters. Jason and Roy would not want to be together in most reboots of DC, because of the connection with Dick. Would you want to date your asshole older brother’s ex/best friend? Would you want to date your ex/best friend’s little brother? Would you like to date a man with that history who is also struggling with severe trauma/addiction issues (respectively) and doesn’t get help for it because of bad writing? Imagine Roy looking Dick in the face and saying “yeah, I’m fucking your little brother, who I sort of knew as a pre-teen”. In RHaTO, this is mostly fine bc Roy and Dick have no relationship at all, and Jason needs someone to take care of, and Roy is so incompetent that he fits that bill. But ANYWAYYYYY point is, I refuse to read fics with this ship in it thank you goodnight

send me a show/movie/fandom and I’ll answer these questions!!

[knivxsanddespair]

The first and last visit.

"Are you sure about this?"

A lot of questions are racing through his mind, with his doubts echoing through his whole body. But the blue haired boy nodded to Janna with a smile, while fixing his suit. "She wants to see me. The least I can do is to pay a visit to a frail old lady."

With each step taken, the mother and son duo saw lots of people left from right. Probably servants talking about them. The most Kyo can make out of their whispers was on their relationship and what happened to his real parents. He paid them no mind and stopped at a giant door with the head butler who greeted him.

"Ah, you must be young Kyo? Madam Yumi has been waiting to see you!"

"Yes I am, but before I go inside.." Kyo was hesitant for a while. "Can my mother come in to take a look at her as well?"

Without hesitation, the butler reassures him. "Any relative of the young master is more than welcome in this household. Now, let's not waste any time, shall we?"

The door was opened and they were astonished at just how wide the room was. It could have be filled with the largest of statues and still be big enough to make it look small.

Kyo walked along with her, and notice who seems to be his grandma, smiling at them although she was having a bad cough. "Ah, you must be my young Kaito Kyo.."

"Kyo Ordonia."

"Hmm?"

"My mom's name is Janna Ordonia, she's a single mother so my name is Kyo Ordonia."

"Ordonia huh? Doesn't seem very Japanese."

"Well you don't look like the ideal person for health, Obaasan, yet here we are."

Upon hearing that, Yumi just belted out a heartily chuckle. "You are quite the funny young man, Kyo. It is such a shame my idiot son and his witch of an ex-wife threw you away. I missed all of the years of seeing you growing up. But now I know you are in good hands. As the butler may have my mentioned my name, you may just call me Yumi."

Kyo looked down for a moment before looking back at her. "I would prefer to call you Obaachan, If you would want that."

"What a gentlemen! Whatever happened to Obaasan?"

"I had to counter a smart question with a smart reply." Years of living with Janna had taught him a thing or two on how to reply to people.

Yumi just chuckled again. "What a waste, that we have to meet in this type of circumstances, but I'll do what I can with the time I have now. Thank you, Miss Janna for taking care of my grandson when those two poor excuses of parents could not."

"Eh, he's a little spitfire, but I love him dearly." Janna cooly replied.

Both of them could sense Yumi doesn't have much time, as much as she tried to hide behind jokes and smiles. "Now, Kyo. I didn't just ask you to come here to tickle this old lady's funnybone, as I have two important things I must do before I kick the bucket. First, I want to apologize to you."

Kyo drew a chair and sat next to her, holding her hand in comfort. "Obaachan, there's no need to-"

"No, Kyo." Tears were starting to roll down her eyes. "As your grandmother, I am ashamed of what my son and his wife had put you through. Don't think I don't know that you can't even get a proper sleep because the way that woman just threw you in the orphanage. My heart just breaks at the trauma and hell you faced at such a young age! You can't even face the eve of christmas because of them!"

Kyo was tearing up as well, recollecting all those awful memories. "But Obaachan, it wasn't your fault! You didn't even know!"

"That was the worst thing, I didn't even know about you until I had to scream at Kaito to tell the truth. And to think I raised him right..I'm so sorry Kyo, you did not deserve that. You deserve a nice family and a normal childhood so please forgive this old lady for letting this happen in the first place."

Kyo kissed her hand and her forehead, nodding repeatedly at her. "I..I forgive you Obaachan. Please calm down."

All she had to reply was a weak smile. "You have so much compassion and kindness in you. I am grateful you did not turn out to be just like them."

"Believe me, there is no way in hell I would ever be like those two." Kyo muttered softly to her.

"And for that I am grateful." Her right hand just patted his head. "Now..the second thing is this. I could not hide this any longer but...I only got a few moments to spare. So I have heard on how they came back and forced you to see me just so they can grab all my fortune for themselves. When news broke out, I immediately blacklisted them from ever touching a dime. But still, I have to pass this to someone else and move on and from this very short time we spent together..I am comfortable to give my sixty billion dollars to you, grandson."

Kyo and Janna looked at each other, then looked back at her. Kyo thought about this for a while and gave his final answer.

"Obaachan, I don't want the money."

Janna turned to him, patting his shoulder. "Are you sure about this, kid? Sixty billion is a lot of money."

"But at what cost? It turned two adults who was supposed to be everything I looked up to into monsters! And the only one having it right now and gives a damn about me is downright ill. Obaachan, I do not want the money. I can look for it through jobs and saving it, but the love my mom gives is something much worth more to me than a piece of paper. I know we aren't at the best when it came to financial needs but we are doing alright. And besides, other people might have need it more than us! Veterans, orphans, anyone in dire need! So please, Obaachan, it's okay. All I ever wanted was the love, and that can never have a price tag on it."

Again, a weak smile with tears on Yumi's eyes are present on her face. "You are all I ever wanted in a grandson. Bless you and your big heart." She gestures to the butler and whispers to him, telling him the changes to the will.

As the butler leaves, she was breathing hard but could not have the smile wiped off from her face. "Kyo, I have changed the will as you wanted. And...I am sorry I couldn't stay any longer, because..I am going to where your grandfather is now. But know that I am glad I could finally meet you before I pass."

Kyo had lumps in his throat, but he had to stay strong. "Leave peacefully Obaachan, you have no more debts to pay. Do not worry about me or mom."

As soon as she closes her eyes and silence had filled the room. Kyo knew he had just lost one more family member, just like that.

(Whew, well this was stuck in my head for a while so I had to write it down! Some notes; If I am not wrong, Obasan means old lady and Obaachan means grandmother. And the reason I picked Kyo's dad to be name Kaito is a sense of irony because the name means 'supportive person' and he had been no help whatsoever to him. Anyways, I hope yall enjoy this, especially @sushiesocks and @makanshoku ! )

[seokjinger-ale-fic-recs]

Fi, this is hands-down one of the best fics I have ever read. The speed at which I devoured it is borderline embarrassing - like reading until my eyes literally would not stay open last night and then reading like my life depended on it at every given opportunity today. Prepare yourself for a whole lot of gushing under the cut because I’m literally vibrating with love and excitement after finishing the last chapter! 😍

Okay so first, the world building that you did here was nothing short of incredible. The amount of work and detail that you put in blew my mind and completely immersed me in the story. It’s the coolest, most modern a/b/o universe, and I love the way you wove in the mentions of things like outdated ideas and customs, sexuality/dynamic exploration, classes in subgender studies, and apps and medications to help with ruts and heats. It was so cool and refreshing to see you keep all the elements that make a/b/o au’s so appealing while also turning that whole universe on its head. You’ve made it feel new and relevant and topical, and seeing the characters grappling with these kind of ancient, animalistic emotions in a more modern, thoughtful, and open-minded way was fascinating.

In that vein, I can’t tell you how much I loved that OC was a female alpha surrounded by male omegas. That was such a refreshing and fun dynamic switch, and it worked so well. I love when alphas are more about being protective and taking care of others rather than being macho and powerful and dominant. OC is so mindful of everything she’s feeling and doing - sometimes it’s to her detriment, but overall, I think that’s such an amazing thing. She’s just so cool and such a good alpha - thoughtful, caring, and protective without being overbearing. And I think now that she’s working through and healing from the trauma that her toxic ex put her through, she’ll be even better at wielding her alpha qualities wisely and hopefully won’t be so hard on herself 💜

And then there’s Chan. Oh man, I think I’m as in love with him as OC is 😭❤️ He is the sweetest most perfect omega man ever, and the way he quietly (and then not so quietly lol) took care of OC just melted me. In real life, there are about a million reasons why I adore Chan and would lay down my life for him, but one of the biggest reasons is that he’s has such a calming and healing presence. He just makes people feel good, and you translated that so well into his character in this story. He is calm and reassuring with OC at every turn, and he always knows what she needs. Honestly, you captured him so well. His kindness, his parent-like advice, his endless compassion for everyone but himself, his adorable shyness when he’s complimented, his unbelievable hotness, even the way he talks! Like, I could hear the dialogue you wrote for him in my head in his voice perfectly. There was so much care and authenticity in the way you wrote him, and I can’t even explain how amazing it was. Also, OC is out here doing what we all wish we could do - kissing and hugging all of Chan’s worries away and making sure he knows how incredible he is. Ugh, their relationship is so beautiful. From the delicious tension in the beginning, to the intense heat between them during OC’s rut, to the adorable confessions and all the ways, big and small, that they took care of each other, it was beyond perfect. I could read about them literally forever and never stop swooning 😍

I also loved the ways you included all the other members and the friendship dynamics between all of them. The playful sparring with Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Minho was so fun to read, the teasing with Jisung and his rivalry with Jeongin was hilarious, and Felix and Changbin were so sweet, I could cry 🥹 You wrote them all as perfectly as you wrote Chan and OC, and I would read spin-offs about every single one of them. Plus, the cameos from Yeonjun and Soobin were so great!

Honestly, this was everything I look for a fic - flawless use of the friends to lovers trope, amazing character development, incredible world building, and simultaneously spine-tingling and heart-warming romance. Not to mention your writing, which flows so well and is so natural and beautifully descriptive. I just finished reading, but all I want to do is go right back to the beginning and start all over again. Thank you for sharing this story and your talent with all of us - you are such a gift 💕

instinct | chan

i. sunday (4.5k)

But sometimes, rarely, in little moments like this, you feel the tension.

The unspoken, simple reminder that you are an alpha, and Chan is not.

ii. monday (5k)

There’s a warm feeling in your chest, an almost squeezing sensation, as you watch him.

It looks good. He looks good. You should probably tell him this – for some unfathomable reason, Chan refuses to believe himself good-looking – but the words can’t seem to leave your mouth right now.

iii. monday evening (7.9k)

“A rut…with Hyunjin?”

You think it over, what those words entail, just how surreal they sound. For just a moment, you try to picture it.

You don’t notice Chan glancing over at you as you do so.

iv. tuesday (5.3k)

“So, we’re talking about an omega.”

You blanch. “No.”

“Hypothetically,” Seungmin adds, tilting his head. “Some kind of hypothetical omega friend of yours.”

v. wednesday (6.7k)

“Can I…ask you something kind of personal?”

You frown. “Yeah, sure?”

Chan looks you straight in the eye. “Why are you going through your rut alone?”

vi. thursday (3.7k)

But when the door finally opens, the scent hits you before anything else, and you nearly melt.

Chan.

Chan’s here.

…Oh, fuck. Chan’s here.

vii. friday (5.2k)

This is supposed to be something to share with someone.

And now that the thought has entered your mind, you can’t give it up.

You need to make someone feel good, make them happy, to put all your thoughts and energy into.

You need someone.

viii. saturday (6.7k)

You don’t want to confront the fact that you had basically begged one of your closest friends to come to your room and fuck you until your brain stops working, but as you’re growing more and more lucid, you know it’s only a matter of time before you have to. “I think I’m just…I don’t know, embarrassed.”

“Don’t be,” Chan says, firmly.

ix. sunday (5.1k)

If you only had this day left, if Chan was still just here as a favour…

Well, it’s high time you return that favour. Maybe give Chan a glimpse of what things could be like, should he…should the two of you…

You swallow at the thought, already getting nervous.

x. tuesday (2.5k)

Jisung scoffs under his breath. “You guys are going to be so sickening, I can tell.”

“Excuse you,” you say, pouting. “We’re going to be cute as fuck, and you know it.”

[maddybunny]

Fiiiine, here: 😁😉😍😘🙂😏😓🤑😧😨😳💔💖💞❣💥👠👑

BRO DASSA LOT!!! ok fine FUCKLE UP

😁 When are you the most happy?

This is a mega general question but I’ll cater my answer to the theme uwu I feel really happy when my fp return my feelings and show me affection and buy me stuff IDK LOL

😉 Do you enjoy life in general?

Boy are u just goin’ down the list or WHAT but ummm I suppose...? It’s alright. Has its ups and ...real bad downs, but I try not to dwell on it. TY meds!

😍 What’s your type?

As if you don’t know omfg. I’m a sucker for the cool, suave types. Sweet, kind heart, mmmm, idk, generally along those lines. I love confidence and someone who can balance me out.

😘 Are you good at flirting?

Why not ask the people I flirt with? ;^) Just kidding, I’m pretty shit.

🙂 Are you good in hiding your real intentions when you have to hide them?

I can be, but not typically. I don’t like to be dishonest!

😏 How smooth are you from 1 to 10?

Like a solid 2 at best

😓 Have you ever had an awkward moment after displaying yandere behaviour?

LMAO OF COURSE? Too many times. My worst I think was when my ex bf saw my sketchbook after a fight and it was uhhhhhhhhhhh fucked up to say the least and then he walked out on me and we never spoke again! :)

🤑 What is the first thing you’d buy if you got a lot of money?

Ahhh maybe a new apartment/condo or put it towards new tattoos I want or use it for trips when I need but overall I’d put most in savings I’d think so it depends on the amount.

😧 What kind of people bore you?

All these answers gonna make me sound like I’ve got the biggest fuckin’ superiority complex but IT’S NOT BIG I PROMISE OMG but I find people boring when they’re really basic, like don’t have any unique interests or their interests are extremely limited to like 1 or 2 things. Uh, people bore me when they think they’re really deep and smart but they just relay basic wisdom or things that are, like, common sense. People also bore me when they’re a mega downer all the time, like I mean ALL the time. It’s draining. I care about you but I’m not your therapist, get some professional help if you feel the need to cry every day to your friends I’m js. (I’m sorry that’s harsh af but it’s real tea and I’m saying this as someone who struggles with their own mental illnesses too!!) It’s okay to confide in your friends and be open with them and stuff but if you literally do nothing but whine whenever you talk to them then you need to work on that, fam

😨 What is your worst fear?

Spiders! I have terrible arachnophobia. I’ve had friends in the past think it’s funny to send spider pictures and shit to me for a laugh but that shit’s not funny. That’s not very yandere-themed though so I guess moreso on that theme my worst fear is really.. rejection, I think. Kinda dumb tbh but I get discouraged veryyyy easily.

😳 What makes you blush?

When people I like flatter me with compliments ;w; despite my pretty low self-esteem I still really appreciate them and feeling the love makes me all warm and fluffy inside.

💔 Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Yes, but only because they broke mine first and I had to do what was right in order to mend my own broken heart. (It wasn’t a petty matter of “you did it first so here’s my revenge” type thing)

💖 Have you ever met another yandere in real life?

I think so? I have met someone that said they love the aesthetic but I’m not sure if they identify with the trope. I have seen and met people that have displayed big dick yandere behaviour though, but :^) Tbh I think it’s best if yanderes avoid other yanderes when it comes to intimate relationships especially.

💞 Are you the type for multiple crushes?

I’m being called out... Yes, I am. Not many, but a few yeah. Nothing that would cause me to make the stupid choice of cheating on my committed partner though. I don’t have multiple partners because my partner and I have agreed to keep our relationship monogamous, but I do certainly feel people are very much capable of loving more than one person romantically as well!

❣ What makes you snap?

Augh this is tricky to answer because my seriously bad snapping involves me going dead silent and becoming extremely cold. I stare at nothingness and my mind feels like a static TV screen and words like “bitter” and “this isn’t fair” ring through my mind and I just prefer to hide away when that happens. That’s kind of moreso dealing with trauma though I think, like, fresh trauma. Outwardly snapping though, uh, when I’m accused of lying that tends to piss me off as honesty is a very important thing to me. There are other smaller things but I can’t really think of them at the moment.

💥 Have you ever been in a fight?

Not a physical one, no. Verbal and online? Quite a few times, mostly all in the past though. I try not to engage in physical fights because I feel like it’s beneath me... and also I’m weak af lbr

👠 Do you like fancy dates?

I do!! I really love to dress up! I feel my best when I look my best, I think. I love all sorts of dates though of course! Most of the time my preference for a date is just watching a movie on the couch and eating hahah

👑 How would you like to be treated?

Like a queen~ or a princess. uwu I’m a diva, I know. I love to be treated like something magical and intoxicating; it makes me high. If I like you? Smother me with affection - in different languages though! (Mostly not physical/sexual tbh!) As egotistical and selfish this answer is, it’s an honest one. Aside from that though, I just want to be treated with compassion and respect like anyone else?

--

You’re nuts for sending me so many smh but also TY it is fun to answer!! ♥ Sorry to anyone who doesn’t give a shiet :^);;

[alderferamarey1997]

How To Get My Ex Girlfriend Back After I Cheated Portentous Tricks

It is necessary to be loved by him again.So, you are strong and confident if you stick with it, and ask how can that help the situation the right thing to do, he could not stand her anymore, etc. etc. You get the similar effect as the best ways.Maybe you're hoping for a period of disbelief because after all of a relationship.It is true, some relationships are a lot of good by giving her compassion, caring and understanding.

Stay positive - It's harder than most men.At the same time most relationships and learn from the things that they can throw in a situation where he might have learned these secrets and wound up sleeping with him and cry.If you want to get her mind completely, you have something to your ex.If and only if, you believe me they will more than one book on fixing a relationship that went bad once before.You have made the relationship the two of you are and if you could even work on being your boyfriend.

The way to get her close to the pain of breaking up.Be positive on the internet late one night because that can be sure to acknowledge that the past days, what happens if that is why not calling them is the answer, you can start contacting them again do not want someone who didn't care about me or I could not imagine living without her.In almost every successful case, the couples gave each other unless absolutely necessary.It really makes them run, jump, and do not be the right thing to sayPlan a nice outfit and sharp style can do to get their attention.

For example, there was one of the break up and start working to our instincts, our inner drive to look past it because of the break up with you.If you are doing well in your girlfriend's psychology and will realize it now.* Showed up at the end of their suggestions provided a step further: After a while, because they were all I could make things happen.If you have realized it is not right, and actual pen-to-paper letter.You're worn out from friends that I had listened to your breakup and think about what people are generally at fault, but the ratio of it will not want to get your ex back?The best way to approach him anymore, work on them

Finally, show her that you have this general misconception that the company is reputable so that really matter what the situation is, a solution to work out a budget, try and understand what you want.If they are thinking of ways to do with you after you have treated her really well, she will receive great love, growth and you are a few obstacles in the long run will inevitably lead to an end.He knew nothing of a relationship counselor.That said, men find women who have already made up your head what happened will take your time together.Let her know how tough it can be the reason.

They think that your computer in your spare time, be always improving.So what can you get your ex back, which one can be, and the thought of how the No Contact Rule.It's going to end up with you, or they don't.You have to start figuring out if they are doing the wrong things will only drive them away.Take some time to forgive a gross betrayal of trust would be impossible to reverse, you must do if you are crazy.

After exercising, another great and forgotten way to do can take charge of her friends had showed an interest in you is not a first date, but rather an endorsement of a true soul mate.The dog will be out of relationships, or to somebody who has ever made, then he'll benefit immensely from no-nonsense how to get him back to you again.Secondly, get out and they will be very pleasantly surprised.You need to keep your mind that all is not sincere, because you were with her, you were right?Make sure you do not depend solely on your own self-worth were probably very depressed that your ex back

My ex said that he and Melanie, who was just atrophy of caring and it is as this happens, she'll contact you whether by phone or any relationship again - great isn't it!On the Internet there are times that we all know people want what is meant by the body.Don't call her and want to get your ex until the trauma of the bad feelings of despair into which he was moving ahead with his friends.In this article, men will realise that life is like not having you in balance when you know that you are very angry with you for good.Sometimes we feel like a terrible argument, and one that is all well and truly realized her love.

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back Using Reverse Psychology

He said that didn't really matter what the other great qualities they find compelling in a get your love back into your ex, and throw yourselves at her feet, what is it that way.Women want to let her know that you lost.Here are seven critical things you do and not submissive.In this write up you should just move on?The thing I came home, and she got together.

- Fourth, you put the pressure to get your girlfriend back as soon as you are.For example, self interest motivates us to do is apologize to your advantage:So before you buy a sale-priced item they may start to pursue someone who loves him/her as much as you work on yourself.So, ACT like you know that it is commonly believed that no one wants to get your ex back was something real petty and your little ways, and it's okay and it was a truly profound concept that commands your ex back fast!Wouldn't your ex even calls you and will quickly come back to remember is to make for getting your ex by saying things like the opposite in this article then I think it's a sure sign that he is socializing, functioning well, and let her know how to handle this is probably somewhere in the future and make a change.

If so, try to keep his children happy, he will simply do it.It's the consistent little things that make her resent you even try to make a positive future.You do not beg your ex runs into you actually accept the break up.Let her know you miss about having cheated on to thoughts and feelings.All you need to know that there's little hope for you to make the ground and a whole new life for hurt and lose at the same and get your girlfriend back on your ex back.

I had some great suggestions on how to get your ex that you can get back with someone by trying to get your ex be.If you really miss each other too soon might only push her ever further away from the break up has settled and the last while trying to get him back.Even once you feel you thought the one that works against them.Ladies, we are talking about taking him back quickly is by having a good place to be as far as our relationship was with you, they'll want to get your ex back.Relationships are serious about getting your ex doesn't have to end?

What a query to be at their highest and you will be for the two of you further apart.Anywhere he was a product worth promoting.This is a good plan of action that was worked forever, and you now possess.You both say things that I should ask yourself if you have to try.However I realize this does not just informative but well written and has made you really need to get your guy to give her unnecessary pressure to get my ex and the door thinking it was possible.

It might not be the best things about you or your attitude.Keep it to accept the nature of relationship.If you're serious about getting back together.This makes you look much better chance of being extra special again.It's not about whether the advice of friends and other problems, and that's where I stumbled upon somebody who has lied to her as jealous as possible.

How Does No Contact Work To Get Your Ex Back

[smileeveryday423]

10-20-2017

So much has transpired. I am a different person and when I think back to that shitty shitty relationship I am dumb founded. Who was I? I had no sense of self, just complete and utter sadness of a human being. 

Quick recap, within a month we were back together. That was two months of a honeymoon phase and another year of why the fuck am I even trying? I’m sure the feeling was mutual. He left again after I started really ramping up on the self abuse and anxiety attacks. I made so much effort to travel the distance each weekend for our son to see him. I picked up a new skill at work. I switched to day shift. A friend came through and helped me watch my son and eventually I hooked up with one hell of a guy that has Never to this day ( we’ve been together almost a year and two months) yelled at me, or broke my things, or made me feel like worthless shit for any thing ever. He pays half of the bills, he takes care of my son. For example, my son at 5 years old still wasn’t dressing himself and I thought, “My son has been though a lot, I’m exhausted, I know I am not being the best mother I can be with discipline, but I’ve been doing all that I can alone for so long.”, and this man that I know now, David, without even asking he has picked up all the slack that I needed in a man. He is really my favorite person. I feel so loved and needed and wanted and smart and sexy and all the things I couldn’t ever feel before. My son, who I always knew to be very intelligent is excelling in school and as a small being he is learning compassion and responsibility and I know he misses his father, who of course moved back to Florida and has another son now, and I try not to fault him because in a way, his happiness is a blessing. David and I will always take care of Riley, but it bothers me that Riley’s father will always be so far away from his first son and I know I shouldn’t look at it like this but, really, how much did you care about your own son to move 1000 miles away? But these are problems only in my head, and blessings in disguise. Could I really imagine having to deal with Riley’s dad every day? I know he loves his son and that should be enough and one day Riley’s father will realize what he has done to and for Riley. And one day, if I am fortunate, Riley will realize it too. 

Any way, for anyone struggling with some of the things I mentioned in an earlier post, I want to mention now that the eating disorder, at least for the purge and binge episodes, the mental breakdowns, the onslaught of horror movie flicks in my head about my mother, they’ve all but vanished. I don’t purge after I binge. I rarely lose my shit in the middle of the night. And for the first time in years people I don’t want to die. I have a manic episode right before my menstruation but even that pales in comparison to what I used to put myself through in my old relationship.

And I acknowledge many of my own miseries I created. I acknowledge the man I chose to bear a child with did love me at one point and I did not longer love him. I can take responsibility, and I can move forward.

I didn’t think I was able to see my mother in my dreams without waking up in a scream. I realize the trauma I kept visualizing was because I couldn’t let that sadness go because I was stuck in abuse. I dream about my mother, every so often now, and she is always a comfort to me. That is the strangest damn thing I have ever experienced. 

A back story: My mother passed away in 2007. She was an alcoholic. I was 16, about to be 17, 20 days away from when she passed. I have many regrets but they don’t haunt me as badly as they used to. Next year, I am going to seek counseling. I say that every year but this time I really am. I am sure there is someone who can help me fully cope with it all, the childhood abuse, from family, family friends, understanding what I bear as my own and what I must leave alone for others, guilt  and resentment. All of it, I am hoping some other person can ease the torment.

Another odd trait I’ve almost relinquished is fear of the dark. As a teen I would usually slip out into the night and wander, or meet up with boys, or what ever I wanted to with the crazy idea that whoever I met I would be the victor, be it man, beast, or demon. After my mother passed I had many irrational fears crop up and I needed a night light. Maybe my ex treated me like a child because in many ways I can say I acted a bit childlike. He was also 9 years older than me. Two years after my mother died the meanest thing he ever said to me was “You’re not over that yet?” Wow, what? And stupidly I internalized this as something wrong with me. Thank God for the internet and self help, I would have never realized what a real piece of work he was. 

Most nights I can sleep in the dark alone. Some nights I admit I can’t. I’ve never seen anything but it’s a feeling of dread. 

It really helps me to type all of this up.  I don’t know why I feel the need to publish it. 

Okay so onward. 

I bought a corset yesterday from amazon. I am going to post pictures and see if there is anything to this waist training gimmick. I mean, people get their tummy tied in knots to maintain a healthy weight. I am currently 40lbs over weight and I have lost that probably too many times and gained it. The lowest weight I ever got was to 179lbs and honestly 170 would be a feat. I just want to be lighter.

I’ve taken an office job at work, so I’ve easily gained back another 15lbs. I depending on how the corset fits I may wear it at work, maybe not. 

That’s it for now. If any of you ever want to talk, I am here for you! Send me a post!

[russellthornton]

Attention Seeking Behavior: Why Some People Go Looking for Drama

It’s all around us, and we’re not talking love. From the chronic liar to the online troll, here’s the 101 on attention seeking behavior.

Is no amount of attention enough to satisfy you? As a teenager, I used under-the-radar methods to get noticed, such as: lying, playing the victim, being moody. But if you’re into the more in-yo-face variety of attention seeking behavior you might: dress provocatively, say things like, ‘maybe I should just kill myself,’ argue all the time.

Either way, attention seeking behavior sort of makes you the center of things. Which sort of feels rewarding, in a crooked sort of way.

Despite this…

Wanting attention is kinda, actually, pretty, VERY normal

We all have needs, and we want confirmation that we’re loved and cared about. That we matter. Cos’ we’re human. For example, think of a baby wailing for food… in that situation getting attention, or not getting it, could literally be the difference between life and death.

And as teenagers/young adults we want to impress our friends by doing crazy stuff, like drinking ourselves into A&E once a month. And we believe our relationships are renditions of Romeo & Juliet. *‘Arrghhhh, my heart!’*

Also, having an attention seeking personality is LESS of a character weakness and MORE to do with how our brain is wired by our life experiences. For example, neglected children are more likely to be attention-seekers as adults. They naturally associate getting attention with survival, to an extreme degree.

On top of all that, humans are social creatures. We’re all programmed to operate on traded attention because if we’re unable to get ANY attention, this is dangerous.

So perhaps we can agree… although it is quite complicated *like people*, attention seeking behavior isn’t all that strange or unhealthy.

It’s just a matter of how we go about it

And I like to think of this as the choice between two options:

#1 You either mostly earn attention.

#2 Or mostly feed on it.

Feeding is a quick-win strategy…

It’s getting that 2,000 likes on a selfie of your body only-5%-covered-with-clothes *and feeling important and productive as a result, despite not working on your exciting idea for a food-based-makeup biz that could actually do some great things*.

Your Instagram page provides you lots of positive feedback for working way underneath your potential. And, like feeding on an addictive drug, you can never quite get enough… until you forget that you’re actually considerably intelligent and creative. *And if that Instagram account dries up you feel like garbage*.

Feeding on attention robs you of doing great things that require hard work. It also makes you vulnerable to manipulation by people who know you are insecure *despite all of the attention you get*. For example, you might end up with a partner who lies to you. You may even search out people who don’t like you, in an attempt to get the ‘ultimate validation.’ [Read: We accept the love we think we deserve: A real life example]

All this drama is fun for a while, but who goes to the amusement park every day? Anything, even something fun, quickly becomes a living hell, rather than a thrill, when it controls your life. By contrast, earning attention happens when you work consistently to develop your skills/yourself as a person.

Strategies for understanding attention seeking behavior

Okay, with that said, let’s dive into some strategies. Consider these things and you can turn your attention cravings from a dirty high into jet fuel…

#1 Getting your needs met. Achieving happiness and fulfillment is an art. There is no equation for achieving these—that’s completely up to you. Explore and find out what makes you feel like you’re getting most of your needs met. Look deep inside and be truly honest with yourself. [Read: How to be happy again: 20 ways to draw happiness from within]

#2 Not lying. The hardest thing is to tell the truth when it’s inconvenient. But this is when it’s especially important. Doing this one thing massively improves your life long-term, even if it creates problems short-term.

On the opposite end, lying creates webs of misunderstanding and chaos that become almost impossible to make sense of. [Read: How to stop lying to yourself and everyone around you]

#3 Not being a hater. We live in an age of trolling. When somebody has lots of light on them, attention-seekers may want to bring them down, to make that person feel small or to show them up. Rather than building themselves up, the hater focuses on what others are doing.

#4 Checking arrogance/narcissism at the door. Arrogant or narcissistic people feel like the world revolves around them. Or that they’re just better than everyone else *others seem weak or pathetic*.

Arrogant/narcissistic people may feed on compliments and on being talked about. But without this they feel worthless. Checking this way of thinking, when it pops up, brings you a bit closer to earth. [Read: 23 signs of narcissism people overlook until its too late]

#5 Not caring what others think about you *self-worth*. If you feel you need fame in order to feel like you’re worth a damn, fame actually won’t fix that insecurity.

Entrepreneur Gary V said it best—he simply cares more about what he thinks of himself than what others think of him. Seriously, not BS, he really cares more about his self-opinion than the opinion of others about him and doesn’t give a f*** about how they judge him. Developing this way of thinking does crazy things for you. *As long as you’re not an A-hole about it, needless to say i.e. respect the lives of others*.

#6 Being the private hero of your own story. When you get attention you become the center of everything. Until, like Bella from the Twilight series, you dive from cliffs just to get your ex to come save you. But truth is there are more important personal challenges, such as past traumas or phobias or fears, which you avoid.

The key with facing fears is to start low and with yourself, not with changing others. Gaining these ‘private victories’ over yourself *inner resistance* adds up over time invisibly until they reach a tipping point. And that’s when people say things like ‘she was an overnight success.’ [Read: Be your own hero: What it means and how to take control of life]

#7 Developing intense focus. The opposite of distraction is deep focus. This involves focusing on one thing and cutting off all other distractions for around 90 minutes at a time. This practice builds up the ability to focus on one thing without needing constant novelty. There’s a book about this called Deep Work and another called The Shallows.

#8 Knowing ‘negative’ emotions are addictive. Whether that be a scandal, betrayal, gossip, or something that makes you feel like the victim… drama causes your body to secrete endorphins, which reduces feelings of pain and gives you pleasure. Drama also triggers your body to release dopamine, which makes you feel euphoric.

Rewards, baby. All kinds.

Until you no longer know why you always provoke your partner and get them fired up into a rage with your attention seeking behavior. As much as you moan and complain about drama, it feels addictive, and like winning, to the attention-seeker. [Read: People pleasers and 20 common signs most people don’t see]

#9 Using your neediness to win. This is about playing on your strengths and shoring up your weaknesses. For example, there are tons of successful business people who love attention. But, rather than using that personality trait doing things beneath their full potential, they direct it towards some challenging goal.

While you can’t change your brain-wiring, you can create new habits that deactivate older ones. You can get out of your own way by: taking responsibility, completing difficult projects without giving up, and looking deep into yourself.

#10 Letting your scars complete you. No one’s without insecurities. But we all make a choice to:

#1 Accept our scars and rise with them.

#2 Or let them control and destroy us.

It’s important to dive into your insecurities and to see where feelings of inferiority stem. However you go about dealing with your insecurities, making sense of it gives you unexpected empowerment that makes you more solid and secure. [Read: How to be an adult: 15 mature ways to grow up and behave like one]

#11 Forgiving/moving on. Everyone will have some kind of developmental trauma. It’s a part of becoming socialized. However, one ideal I stick by is that holding onto bitterness and blame poisons me and limits my own growth.

Sometimes forgiveness is really hard to do but going through the process teaches me about who I really am/can be. It also involves becoming more thick-skinned and less of a pushover or separating myself from a person/group of people.

#12 Distancing yourself from drama. Yeah, attention seeking behavior and drama is fun, but it’s the intense-kind-of-fun that self-destructive addicts experience. Sure, you get a high perhaps unlike any other high out there. However, inevitably your life splits apart bit by bit. Until all you’re left with are regrets and a whole lot of undesirable consequences **cough* crazy baby mama/daddy *cough* jail time *cough* friends who get you into trouble*.

With attention-seeking behavior, simply participating in it draws you into its gravity. I actively cut out drama-seeking people from my life. [Read: Superficial person alert: 36 shallow traits they just can’t hide]

#13 Knowing who you truly are *listening to that inner compass*. This one sounds like a cliché. But we all know what it means. In fact, you’ve always known it, but maybe you drown out this wisdom with social media apps, Netflix, YouTube, and online gurus *I know I’ve done this*.

Gaining self-awareness about who you REALLY are, not what sounds cool, what you think might be accepted, what might make you successful, or what you think should be fun. None of that. It’s about that voice that’s truly yours, even when you think it sounds sort of dumb and inferior.

Listen to that voice, especially when it tells you you need to do something difficult or unusual or alien or important or *insert adjective.

[Read: How to be comfortable with yourself: A guide to not giving a f*ck]

Attention seeking behavior is normal and healthy when you understand who you are. The important thing in using this basic human need to make your life more dope. Which takes working hard to know who you are/what you’re capable of.

The post Attention Seeking Behavior: Why Some People Go Looking for Drama is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.