#(ok but also my RP times were eXHAUSTING a lot of the time too and)

[koushirouizumi]

* d o n o t r e b l o g

M E, rereading my old RPs from 2k15 fandom era: aCTUALLY, my RP/writing is/was GOOD ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[azuresins]

Rambling about the sims 4 and the reaper!older ciel and fem-Sebastian I made because literally I don’t know where else to rant about this 

So I’m... a LITTLE okay with game software and I used to watch my friends play the old sims games when I was like, 11...I don’t know that much about the games other than you can create utter chaos if you choose to, and a big part of the appeal, is making whatever characters you want and force them into house and then just ... screw around and watch the world burn. Kind of like playing-house for grown-ups.  Anyway, a close friend told me the game is now far, far far more sophisticated than what I remember, and there’s an infinite amount of cheats now and if you want to, you can make the grim reaper (a character that would only show up if one of your sims died) your husband, and then make it a playable character ... so naturally I spent like ... maybe 6 hours and stayed up until 4 or 5 last night creating ‘fem-Sebastian’ (purely self indulgent reasons; tried to recreate them based off an rp) ... downloaded the Phantom Manor (someone remade this after the disney ride in disneyland Paris; which is what Yana modeled Ciel’s london townhouse after! so, it’s close enough for me).  The plan was FemBastian was going to trap the first sim that came by, in a fence and sing until the sim died-- until the grim reaper would show up and then I’d use the cheat; and then I’d adjust the model to make The reaper look like Older!Reaper Ciel... and then they’d fall in love and I could just have them and do as I pleased and it would be great. I could take screencaps....put them in romantic scenes.... That was my plan. Well.  Well it turns out .... the sim she trapped was a vampire? There are vampires in the sims now! Fun! ...and they were in an area in the sims were it was constantly raining, thus the sun wouldn’t come out and this fucker wouldn’t die. In the end I had to put him in a swimming pool with a fence around it and make him swim laps until he died of exhaustion (because the cheat that would turn him into a human decided it didn’t want to work) -- in the meantime Fembastian decided they wanted to contact the dead and do a bunch of rituals and the house got filled with ghosts; and so she lost her first kiss to a ghost-sim. She also tried to cook an elaborate dinner and accidentally started a fire, Oops. YEAH you have to police and stay on top of your sims at all times. Holy shit? This game moves so fast, if you give your sims one inch they move a mile. -- I did not know that. I learned quickly.  IN THE END my...plan did work, the vampire did die and the Grim Reaper did show up. The cheat worked and I was able to mod him, and adjusted him to look like Reaper!Ciel. ... Once I had gotten that far in the game, I was so happy? And felt ok now I’m in the home stretch. Now I can finally play the game. Here’s my downfall: I thought for sure, that because I gave Fembastian and Reaper!Ciel a lot of weird traits (trying to make them as canon as possible) they’d just hate each other and/or it would take too long for them to fall in love, so I gave Ciel a “jealousy” trait and I thought ok, but that probably wont do anything... oh well. At this point I was so far into this hole I thought, I can leave them for /2/ minutes...but in the time it took me to get a soda......? Leaving them on autopilot ? ....I came back...  looked at my screen.... and not only were they were fucking  “whoo-hoo!”ing in the shower, Ciel had already proposed to them and they had ELOPED --which meant that they were married and I didn’t get to even ... build them a wedding or capture the moment or anything.  This fucking game .... I’m still so tired, but it’s worth it. At some point if I can figure out how to adjust the camera settings (its so sensitive, getting them to sit still long enough to be cute is like pulling teeth) I might use the models as picture reference so that’s? Nice. I feel glad I Accomplished it? And I now understand why people are so damn invested and get so excited about the sims. -_- ... That is all. That’s my sims adventure. 

[constablegoo]

OKAY thinking a lot lately abt the large and small ways my particular brand of odo diverges from canon... here’s a little working guide to some of the main tweaks, omissions, interpretations, and alternatives that i think about consistently with him. this isn’t exhaustive, just some big things that come to mind.

bonus post-canon rambling, probably stuff that would be interesting in a picard or even discovery era setting.

i tweak prime odo’s response to gaia odo to be less ‘idk’ and more ‘that was fucked actually, let me take some time to examine myself and my potential future self’

i don’t default that kira / odo happens, but if it does, i want a rewrite - that’s potential space for rp-based discretion. on odo’s side of things, i’m not a fan of his being robbed twice of his agency to Tell kira his own hecking feelings himself - gaia odo breaks it to her, and then... well don’t get me started on His Way. i just want it to come From Him Directly, not some alternate self, not somebody else’s interfering (and against his own wishes too!); he Needs that moment of growth.

if it doesn’t work out with kira (because it feels to me like she's less interested...? i just GOD i just want her to be happy!! so would odo!!) then odo lets her go the way lwaxana let him go and they remain bffs :’)

ok i will talk a little about his way and just say that for starters, odo would NEVER interact with a hologram kira bc she explicitly hates it!!!! he WOULD NEVER. ok thanks.

odo has a secret slow burn (very slow) crush on kira, but even if things work out between them - it is NOT not Not the only reason he stays on the station and does not rejoin the great link. laas IS WRONG. of course some part of odo wants to be with his people!! but i write that he genuinely Wants To Stay for the found family he has on the station, the work he’s put into his life there, for his ongoing commitment to finding / developing honest justice, and for the sake of the fact that his people wanna kill/control everybody!! UGH!!!

not to mention he’s also basically?? exiled after his trial anyway??? solid and exiled. :(

i write assuming he would have wanted to stay on ds9 post-canon, but his people were 1. dying 2. NEEDED leadership to help bring them into a post-dominion universe. odo’s experience with community love on ds9 would help assure and change some of their minds, because i feel like The Founder has manipulated a lot of them into extreme fear and ignorance. most of the link does not know what the current universe is like!!!

so odo faces an IMMENSE amount of work post-canon. he helps foster understanding between the dominion and other groups, but he encounters a LOT of difficulties convincing some of the more extreme founders. and most of them have no reason to trust odo?? he was EXILED by the entire link. but then many of them are also curious about the outside world and are inspired by the experiences odo shares and want to explore and cooperate -- in a way, odo is the only one to fulfill the purpose of the original 100 baby changelings sent out. basically the dominion faces a lot of inner turmoil post-canon and it could even split into factions.

alright im getting into post-canon speculation stuff more than divergence here but bear with me real quick -- the dominion has to make great concessions at the end of the war. work needs to be done with the jem’hadar and with the vorta. the link will need both to be put under watch/subdued and also put under protection, because without their forces they’re being left with 23423 enemies now and no defenses. there’s LOTS of room for federation / joint alpha quadrant faction involvement and drama with odo caught up there trying very hard to be advocate, diplomat, and peacemaker.

also the great link needs to stand some kind of trial.

i’d work in the hur’q from ‘star trek online’ in another way bc holy shit!! all that stuff abt the experiments the founders have been running for thousands of years... very disturbing and very interesting plot potential (maybe circa picard / discovery, even!!)

.

oh yeah and quark and odo actually explicitly tell each other someday that they’re important in each others lives :’) SHHHHH! their banter always lives on full force.

[captainxsassafras]

Angel Voice

Ok, so this is really the first piece of writing I've actually finished since I graduated from college. Haha, yeah. I've been a bit of an unproductive writer the past lil bit, BUT I'm here today and I finished this. Not gonna lie, I am hella nervous for this. It's nothing emotionally involved or really intense (ok, there’s not angst, but I get real emotionally involved in fluff, so maybe I’m a liar), but I read the idea of Shinsou doing ASMR from secondhand-trash and the anon over there and, ya know, magic happened! Haha, I kid. Just cuteness, a few saucy phrases here and there! Please be kind to me!

(Also, I’m so sorry. I will figure out how to put stuff under the cut. Please be patient with my tech illiterate ass!)

@queensynderella

@secondhand-trash

Angel Voice

Shinsou x Reader

Warning: lots of fluff?, attempted assault (not Shinsou!), suggestive comments, a hot mess of a reader!

Word Count: Just over 5000... I think.

~~~*~~~

Fucking fuckity fuck fuck. You had not slept at all. Not a single wink.

Sorry, kind sir. I have no spare winks to give. No winks here.

This had been going on for months. Months!

It was starting to affect you.

Hahahah… That was a lie. It had been affecting you. You were just adaptable and great at lying so nothing was really wrong! 

…Ok, that was a lie too. Your sleep schedule was shot. Your brain was shot. Your work was… by some miracle still ok, but you weren’t about to keep betting on that.

So, here you were. Finally off work and almost falling asleep waiting for the train in the humid, afternoon heat. 

This is probably what Hell feels like. Sleep-deprived, foggy, humid, and full of sweaty humans.

You jolted fully awake from a doze as the train arrived and people began crowding against you.

Yippee. A crowded train with strangers pressing in close on absolutely zero sleep.

Nevermind. This was Hell. Waiting for the train was just the appetizer.

Your phone buzzed.

It was your best friend. She knew that you'd been having trouble sleeping and had been your solid rock. She'd been your support when it started and had helped you brainstorm remedies when it had continued. So it wasn't really a surprise when she sent you a link to an asmr video with the message, 'he has the voice of an angel! 😇 if this doesn't help you sleep, nothing will! luv ya boo! good luck!!! ❤❤❤❤❤' 

She was right. 

His voice was deep, but soothing. He spoke in a soft, calm cadence that immediately put you at ease.

The video in question was a request from a viewer. It was a description of a calm hike through the woods on a nice day. 

It was heaven.

You had your first night of decent sleep in months.

(And if you were being totally honest, you did actually cry a bit when you woke up feeling more rested and clear-headed than you could remember.)

From that point on, you fell asleep listening to 'Angel Voice' every night. 

And quickly discovered that you couldn't listen to the more...exciting rp videos before bed! They sent your poor, stupid heart wild and kept you wide awake plus some tasty adrenaline! Definitely not the desired effect! Not unpleasant. Just kinda detrimental to the whole helping-you-sleep thing.

But his calm, descriptive videos and dulcet voice sent you straight to dreamland. 

For a month straight you fell asleep to his tones and barely bothered to look at the voice artist's name.

Angel voice worked!

***

Ok, now you were tired. 

A frantic call to work this afternoon had you covering your sick coworker’s shift. This meant you were both awake way later than you had recently been staying up and you were working with a double shift's worth of leftover energy.

Ok, you were dead. Running on empty. There was no leftover energy.

You dumb, tired feet trudged along the stupid, dark street and your dumb, heavy purse cut into your stupid, aching shoulder.

But despite your exhaustion, you still held a canister of pepper spray--safety off, thank you--clutched tightly in your hand. 

The hackles on the back of your neck rose. The hair on your arms stood on end. Chills ran down your spine.  

You could feel eyes on your back.

Someone was watching you.  

It was a very unpleasant feeling this late at night all alone on a half lit street.  

Ugh, this street was so different after dark! 

You normally made your way home during rush hour when the street was busy with foot and vehicle traffic, well-lit by the sun, and full of chatter and life.

It was almost lifeless and eerily quiet now. 

Creepy. 

It needed more streetlamps. 

Humming very quietly to yourself, you tried to keep your mind off of the intense foreboding grabbing at your chest.

That same shivering chill ran through your body right before a harsh hand clawed at your arm, jerking you back. You cried out as your sore shoulder twisted and adrenaline-fueled panic surged through your entire nervous system.   

You whipped around, pepper spray at the ready and a fierce scowl on your face, to empty the canister straight into the guy's eyes.

You wrenched your aching shoulder out of his hand. Without conscious thought, your foot rose and met his groin in a beautifully placed front kick. 

Ding! Ding! Ding!

We have a winner!

He fell.

A convenience store! There was a convenience store nearby! 

Heart pounding, you fled to the little 24 hour convenience store across the street and, from the safety of the front counter, called the police.

Your frantic eyes scoured the area near the man, waiting to see if he would rise and run. 

Although, you did get him pretty good. You hoped he wouldn't run away. That'd be a) frustrating because you didn't really have a way to identify him so he'd probably get away and b) scary because you kicked him in the nuts! Guys held grudges for things like that! 

Was that movement?

It… didn't seem like the attacker was moving… 

Oh! It was another guy and it looked like he was wearing a costume!

A hero?

Looked like it! He was tying the felled grabber up with… not sure, but it was incapacitating the guy who grabbed you, so yay!

You left the store and slowly approached the man. 

"Um, hi," you said with a hesitant wave. "This was me." You bashfully gestured to the man still lying (now tied up) on the ground.

"Hey, there. Thanks for doing my job for me," he replied with a bit of a smirk. He had a deep, slightly rough voice and up close you could see dark, wildy messy hair.

Uh-oh. You needed to explain. This was absolutely self defense!

"He, uh, grabbed me from behind and I kind of panicked and, well…"

"Don't worry. I saw what happened. He started following you a few blocks back, but I couldn't do anything because he hadn't done anything yet."

Oh.

Oh, damn.

You felt sick. He had… he had been following you?

Your knees trembled.

The hero noticed and stepped forward to you.

"Hey, hey. Come here." 

He led you to the curb and sat you down, a hand rubbing comforting circles on your upper back. "It's gonna be ok. You clearly know how to defend yourself, so I wouldn't worry about.."

His soothing voice soon began to pull you out of your fear and calm your racing brain. His hand continued rubbing your back in rhythmic motions and soon your shaking began to slow and finally stop. Your thoughts came back to the moment and you noticed something. Something very familiar...

"Holy shit. Angel voice!"

The hero stopped his rambling speech, one eyebrow raising in an amused arch. He didn't say anything else, just waited for you.

"Do you do asmr?"

"Uh… yeah?"

Boy, you wish you could've captured his face.

Befuddled?

Was that the right word?

Yeah. Pure befuddlement.

Then blushing. 

Holy hell! He was blushing! It was really hard to see, but the slightest bit of red colored his cheeks in the dim light.

"Thank you so much!" you cried, maybe a bit loudly. He flinched just a little, looking surprised. "Ah, sorry. But seriously! You're the reason I've been able to sleep for the past month! I've been having sleep issues for almost a year and a friend sent me one of your videos and, well, tada. Sleep happened!" It was your turn to blush. 

The look he was sending your way now was… hella cute. He looked delighted. Elated. Even in the dark, his eyes were shining and he had a goofy little half smile that lit his whole face with happiness. 

The smile highlighted the bags under his eyes and you briefly wondered if that had something to do with his decision to make asmr videos. The thought fled when he raised a self-conscious hand to rub the back of his neck and started speaking.

"I'm glad they've been helping you!" The very corners of his eyes crinkled just a bit. "It makes my night to hear that!" 

His deep voice wasn't loud or overtly excited, but it was warm and full of sincerity. 

Your stomach did a stupid flip.

Nope. Not happening. You refused to be a hero groupie. Too much drama. Too many fans picking each other apart. Too much shade. You needed sunshine and most groupies you knew threw shade like confetti.

Also, he was a professional at work. This was his job. You needed to respect that.

A deep internal breath had you back where you should be. Thanking a professional hero for helping apprehend a man who had attacked you and thanking him for his generous work that helped you sleep well. 

The two of you talked quietly for a few bit waiting for the police to arrive. It was nice. You asked about hero work. He asked about your job. You two chatted about a couple of random things and by the time the police arrived your chatter was comfortable and easy. 

Everything after was a whirl. You had to give a statement. They needed to take you to a hospital just in case. The hero gave his witness statement and then had to leave to help out with a robbery in a different neighborhood. 

You left for the hospital looking back and feeling little starbursts of melancholy disappointment needling your chest. 

You'd probably never see him again.

Ah, well. Guess he'd stay Angel Voice. 

***

Shit.

Crap. Crap. Crap. Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap. 

This was stupid. 

You had barely talked to him for a half hour. And, yeah, he was sweet. Ok, he'd been crazy nice. And so fucking attractive. He'd been easy to talk to and the conversation between you two had been entertaining and full of wit. 

But you had no way of directly contacting him. You'd looked him up, but hadn't gotten much info on him. It looked like he was an underground hero, so that made a lot of sense. It, however, did not make it any less frustrating.

You didn't know what you'd do if you managed to get ahold of him anyway!

"Hi! You sorta bagged a guy who tried to assault me (but I took down first) a few weeks ago and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since then even though we had like a half hour conversation, half of which was you coaxing me out of a panic attack. Want to go on a date?"

Of course, you could always comment on one of Utube videos, but that had about a 1 in 1,000,000,000 chance of working and felt a little too…. Stalker-fan.

There was also the raging guilt and embarrassment you felt over crushing on a hero who had just been helping you as part of his professional work. He had been at work! It was part of his job to comfort you! He was literally in the business of saving people and making sure they were ok. And that was exactly he had done. He didn't need to be harrassed because your dumb brain said, 'Oo, shiny!' when he smiled. He had been at work. You shouldn't read anything into his behavior, because there really wasn't anything other than a pro hero doing his duty.

Nope! You needed to get over this.

A notification buzzed and you checked your phone.

Mind_kitty has posted a new video! Watch now!

With a defeated sigh, you deferred the notification for later. You could listen and relax on your way home from work.

A movement out of the corner of your eye caught your attention and you snapped your head up as a coworker hustled over with a look of panic on their face. 

Uh-oh.

***

And now, here you were, sitting wearily on the train and hurtling towards home.

Ugh, what a day.

After everything that could go wrong had miraculously (horrifically? Fiendishly? Miraculously seemed too positive…) gone up in flames at the same time, you had spent the rest of your work day running around like crazy putting out all the fires (only one of which was, in fact, a literal fire so not actually a terrible day).

Your feet were sore and a headache that had started with your coworker's news and grown from there threatened to overwhelm you.

There were still a few stops until yours, so you slipped your headphones out of your bag and opened your Utube app. 

Thank you unlimited data!

You found Angel Voice's latest video and began to play.

(Ok, you now had actually figured out his Utube username and finally bothered to remember it, but he'd started as Angel Voice to you and it just worked in your mind!)

Ahhhhhh…

Why does he have such a great voice? It was perfect! Deep and smooth and perfectly made to whisper sweet (or not so sweet) nothings in your ear while you gently played with his wild purple hair. Fuck, his hair was so pretty! You'd bet your left buttcheek it was soft as clouds…

Ugggghhhhh... Fine. 

You were crushing on a pro hero. 

Are you happy, universe? 

Your fated journey to become a groupie had begun. Might as well accept it and focus on more important things… like Angel Voice's hair.

Or, you know, his voice…

You fell into the sound of his speaking.

Hah, it was like an automatic reaction at this point. Your shoulders started to unknot and that stereotypical breath you didn't know you were holding in rushed out in a grateful sigh.

However, it didn't take you long to realize that he hadn't started into the asmr immediately as you were expecting. Paying more attention, you rewound the video to the beginning and actually listened to what he was saying.

"I'm not sure exactly how to do this." He let out a dry half chuckle. "I haven't completely convinced myself I should. But, um…"

He paused with a frustrated sigh, then seemed to take a deep breath. 

"Ok, to hell with it. I'm doing this. Dear, girl I met the other night who took a guy out by kicking him in the nuts."

Was he talking about you? Was there another girl who kicked a guy in the nuts on his patrol? Damn, he met a lot of kickass girls on patrol! Good for her! She was getting a personal shoutout from Angel Voice! 

"I know it might seem kind of weird to be doing this over Utube, but I missed my chance at first, then the police arrived and everything was crazy and I had to leave to help out another pro."

Wow, sounds intense. Bet that was stressful. Oh, wait. Hah. You knew it was stressful.

"So I blew my chance to ask for your number."

He wanted her number? Damn! Super lucky girl!

Wait, this wasn't an rp video was it?

You pulled out your phone to check, but the title and description didn't mention any kind of rp. Aww! This was real! And it was adorable!

A tiny piece of sad ripped itself free of the fuzzy feelings you were experiencing. He had been so kind and you'd had such a fun time conversing. It would have been really amazing if this were for you. You had really liked the piece of personality you'd been able to see.

"I'm really hoping you'll hear this video, and hear it in time, because I'd love to go get coffee with the girl who accidentally body-slammed her coworker on her birthday."

Holy.

Shit.

That…

THAT WAS YOU!

That had been you! Your stupid coworker had snuck up behind you at the end of the day in a semi-dark area of work and shouted in your ear to scare you.

It had worked. 

You'd been so scared that you'd grabbed him, flipped him over your shoulder, and body-slammed him into the floor.

And… and you'd told Angel Voice that night as you sat talking about some of your more notorious takedowns. 

This was for you.

This video was for you!

What the fuck?!

This video was for you!?

You had to rewind a hot second to hear what came next.

Then you had to pause and go back yet again, because your mind was in such a frenzy and your heart was beating so loudly in your ears you couldn’t concentrate on what was being said!

“So if you hear this and, um, you’re interested at all, girl who took down a fully grown man in five seconds, I’ll be waiting at the spot we first met at five pm today. I, uh, really hope I’ll see you there again.”

The video ended. 

Your heart was still aiming for professional drummer in your chest.

You could see him raising his hand to rub at the back of his neck with that last statement. He’d done it that night and you could picture it in your mind. 

Wait! What time was it?

4:50 pm.

No.

Nonononononono!

You were going to miss the meeting.

You were still six train stops away from yours and that alone would take you fifteen minutes! Not to mention the next fifteen minutes it’d take to get to the meeting place! 

Of course, that was walking speed. You could run.

Frantic eyes looked down at your shoes. Not exactly running shoes. 

Whatever, you’d make do.

You wanted to see him again.

You could just imagine the disappointment on his face if you didn’t show and that melancholy from earlier reared its weepy head and cried out in frustration because you didn’t want to hurt him!

And you really wanted to see him again!

The next fifteen minutes were the most agonizing you could remember enduring in recent history. This was worse than the time you spilled coffee on your favorite author and his manager had yelled at you for five minutes while they changed! I mean, that had been pretty bad, but the author had been incredibly nice about it after getting back and even mentioned it humorously in the book you had asked them to sign. It was still easily the most awful you'd ever felt and you’d really wanted nothing more than to run away.

This. Was. Worse.

So much worse because you couldn’t actively work towards your quickly approaching deadline and destination. You had to sit there… waiting.

Your leg was bouncing up and down and a few fellow train riders were giving you slightly concerned looks. You were too wound up to care.

Finally, finally!

You arrived at your stop, hurried off the train as quickly as you could without being the absolute worst human ever, and ran.

Your shoes remained on your feet until you almost killed yourself stumbling over them, then they were in your arms.

Decorum be damned!

This was a matter of life or date! (And preferably not death by shoe!)

You made it to the spot where you’d met him at exactly 5:12 pm.

You were sweaty. 

Hell, that was an understatement.

You were pretty sure you’d left a trail of sweat behind you and you could feel it running in rivulets down your back. There was probably a stain back there… And on your armpits… and on… everywhere.

You knew your hair was an absolute mess. 

But as bad as you knew you must look, you felt worse.

Your lungs were on fire. You had absolutely no breath left in your entire body. It felt like you had a knife in your side. In both sides actually. Your entire body was trying to imitate an oven with the level of heat radiating off your skin. Your legs were simultaneously wobbly and shaking and you weren’t sure you’d trust them taking another step at the moment.

And now you had sweat in your eye. Stinging.

But none of that even mattered. 

All of that was stupid and trivial and inconsequential because he wasn’t there.

You’d taken too long.

He was gone.

No vibrant purple hair and sleep-deprived eyes.

No stupid half-smile.

That melancholy came back and instead of quietly tugging at your heart, it hit you square in the chest with an emotional cast-iron frying pan. 

No.

No!

Damnit!

You’d really wanted this.

He was… he was so fucking witty and kind that night.

He’d been soft and understanding and hot. And fucking adorable.

And… and… he wasn’t there.

Fuck.

You slumped in place.

Every ounce of your physical exhaustion caught up to you in an instant and you felt the mortifying sting of tears trying to sneak their way out of your eyes. 

Talk about adding insult to injury.

It wasn’t that bad. This wasn’t that bad.

So, you didn’t get to meet up with a cute hero for coffee. Big deal. Poor unfortunate soul. It was nothing to cry about.

But you’d really wanted to see him again.

Guess it didn’t matter anymore.

You turned, ready to march across the street to that convenience store and buy half of their ice cream, but something tickled your brain.

Something out of the corner of your eye.

Your head whipped around.

There!

It was a flash of purple down the street.

Your eyes snapped to that portion of the sidewalk. 

It was purple hair.

Crazy, wild, tousled, purple hair!

You knew that hair!

But your stupid legs literally wouldn’t run anymore. And he was far enough away that you wouldn’t catch up if you could run.

You reacted without thinking.

You really acted without thinking.

“ANGEL VOICE!”

You shouted his name at the top of your lungs.

Sorry.

You shouted your own private, very personal nickname that you had only spoken out loud to your very best friend and, unfortunately, him.

In the middle of a crowded street.

During rush hour.

Your brain was an utter masterpiece of stupid.

You stood there, frozen with the realization of your own idiocy, as the head of purple hair stopped, looked to the side, looked to the other side, then tuuurrrnnned around.

Made eye contact with you through the busy crowd.

Then doubled over laughing.

You couldn’t hear him from where you stood, but you could feel him laughing.

You could see it in the way his bent shoulders shook and his torso convulsed, nearly spasming with the force of his laughter.

And there you stood, still stuck to your spot.

You’d called him Angel Voice out loud in a crowd out loud in front of a bunch of strangers out loud.

And as much as you wanted to run, you couldn’t even twitch.

Not as you watched him finally finish laughing and fully turn to face you. Not as you watched him begin to walk toward you through the throng of people (just beginning to turn back to their own business in the aftermath of your outburst). Not as he stopped directly in front of you, a delighted smile on his sleepy, stupidly attractive face and the corners of his eyes still just slightly crinkled with laughter.

“Hey there,” he said and it felt like the softest slap to the face you’d ever received.

Your frozen body finally remembered its fight or flight reflexes and, wouldn’t you know, you suddenly learned how to fly.

As you turned to bolt, Angel Voice reached out, calling to you.

“Hey, wait! You’re just gonna run after all of that?”

He didn’t grab you.

That detail broke through the panic.

Even though he reached out with his hand, he didn’t grab you.

You stopped.

“I wanna run because of all that!” you blurted.

His chuckles sent a wave of heat down your spine, both embarrassed and… otherwise. Ok, fine! He had a sexy voice! And it turned you on more than you liked to admit! 

Who let him have a voice like that?

It was not freaking fair!

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

Fuck, he sounded sincere. 

You slowly turned around, face still burning.

You two stared at each other for a minute.

A smile crooked your lips.

“So, uh, what’s a place like you doing in a voice like this.”

Silence.

“Fuck.” 

Your hand came up to rub at your forehead as he began laughing again. A full, big laugh instead of a chuckle.

“I should probably just give up on the talking thing, shouldn't I?”

“I hope not. I could listen to you all day,” he said with a small grin.

And now your heart it was afluttering.

“I feel like that should be my line,” you mumbled, watching him catch his breath from all that big old laughing through the fingers splayed across your face.

There was a pause in the conversation. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it hadn’t really achieved comfortable silence.

“So, um.”

You looked up from your hand.

Good fuck, he was doing the rubbing the back of his neck thing again. Illegal. Freaking illegal is what that was. No man should possess that level of cute.

“I mentioned grabbing coffee in the video. I’d like to assume you being here means you’re interested?” The sentence ended with a slight upturn, indicating a question. He looked up at you, uncertainty in his gorgeous violet eyes.

Why the hell was he uncertain?

This mortherfucking hottie with a voice made for swooning (and spooning) was nervous about asking you to coffee (adateadateadateadate).

Without thinking, you voiced this exact thought out loud (sans the date portion... and the spooning. Spooning was for non-dumbasses). 

Angel Voice looked absolutely floored.

“I’m sorry, but do you own a mirror?” he asked. There was a tension in his voice that almost had you shrinking into yourself.

Ouch.

Damn.

Ouch.

Well, at least he was blunt.

“You’re fucking gorgeous.”

You met him on the floor.

Dead. Ass.

He just called you gorgeous.

There was a set to his jaw now and a sort of light in his eyes. He looked very… determined. Set, was what you’d call it. He seemed very set on a decision.

"It was great talking to you the other night. I can't get out of my head how funny and smart you were. And you're so fucking cute I want to wrap you up in my jacket and stay there forever."

His face was blazing red now. His ears too. Ok, that was hella adorable. You felt your own self flush with happy bashful feelings. I mean, he himself had just supplied you with the sappiest, schmoopiest mental image you’d really ever conceived.

“I’d really like to go get some coffee together.” He went quiet for a minute, seeming to mull something over in his head, and that stupid hand came up to rub at his neck again.

Ugh, he was gonna kill you with that! 

“Would you go on a date with me?”

If your heart was fluttering before, it was nearly palpitating now!

“Yes! Please! I mean, yes I want to go on a date with you!”

He smiled, a breathless, bewildered, almost (dare you think) dorky smile. It was fucking beautiful.

"Wow," he exhaled.

A snort escaped you. "Again, I feel like that should be my line."

But you smiled back.

And there you both stood, almost dazedly smiling, little happy thoughts buzzing through your minds. 

“We should probably head to a cafe if we’re going to get coffee,” Angel Voice finally murmured.

You started.

The both of you were standing like idiots in the middle of the sidewalk, just staring at each other.

“Coffee, right. Anywhere in mind, Angel Voice?” The nickname slipped out almost by accident.

He held out his hand to you and you took it gently. 

“Angel Voice, huh?” he laughed quietly. “I think I can go with that.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault! You still haven’t told me your name.” You sent a playful tug along the arm you held by the hand and felt a little thrill of joy when he returned it just as playfully. "You're officially Angel Voice until you enlighten me."

The two of you had started walking. He seemed to have a destination in mind. Man with a plan. Nice.

“I know a cafe nearby. Do you mind?” he asked, softly pulling you along in invitation while leaving enough slack for you to object if you wanted.

Man with a plan who asked nicely. Nice.

“Not at all, Angel Voice.” You had a point to make and a guy to tease!

He chuckled again.

“My name is Hitoshi. Hitoshi Shinsou.” That slightly devious grin crept back onto his face. “But Angel Voice works for me.” He snuggled in close to your cheek, the side of his body leaning comfortably into yours. Then he whispered in your ear and you nearly fell over. "Especially if you're screaming it as loud as you did earlier."

Good lord, your knees nearly collapsed. 

His voice, his stupid voice, saying such a frisky thing so close did such a number on you that you couldn't respond for a moment. It was all you could do to keep breathing.

His voice was going to be the death of you! You couldn’t think. Should you respond? What did you say to that? Something equally as frisky! But his voice!

He tensed a bit at your lack of response. 

"Was that too much? Did I cross a line?" he asked, still speaking low right in your ear.

"Son of a bitch, if you don't stop that right now, I'm gonna jump your fucking bones right in the middle of this street." Your voice was full of urgency, but if he didn't stop you really were liable to unleash every single ounce of wild attraction you felt towards him at that exact moment, street full of people be damned!

He stopped walking.

Oh, shit. You could hear the Cheshire grin.

"You mean, like this?"

You sagged against him, letting your knees tremble. Your hand, still tangled, clutched his tightly.

His chuckle this time was less… benevolent than before. "What? You called me Angel Voice." His thumb ran soothingly over your hand. "I had to see if I could tempt you."

You couldn't help it. You turned your face to bury it in his jacket. What a magnificent, teasing butthead you'd just gotten yourself tangled up with. It was amazing!

"That’s going to come back to bite me, isn't it?"

“All the time.”

A tiny little butterfly crept into your stomach. You didn’t want to read too much into it (although after his teasing, you didn't really feel like it was reading into things), but ‘all the time’ sounded like there was going to be, well, plenty of time. It was a very welcome, warm idea.

As soon as your legs de-noodled (Hitoshi making snarky comments like a brat the entire time), the two of you continued on in an easy silence, exchanging teases every so often. The sun was setting and the entire world was covered in golden tones. Rush hour was winding down and the foot traffic in the area was dissipating, leaving a much more comfortable number of people around.

Your brain focused on the soft, warm quality of the light, the muted shocks of excitement zipping through your lower back, and the soft weight of his calloused hand surrounding yours. 

You gave a little, light squeeze.

"I'm so happy I ran, Angel Voice.”

He just chuckled and squeezed back.

[due4amiracle]

Day 110

Sir did all of brekkist again. Bleh.

Laundry did not get done. In trying to set up my meds for reorder at the pharmacy, Sir quickly came to the realization that, oh no, my pain meds are all out of refills - so then came the VERY FUN GAME of ‘call the Neuro’s office, oh no, they’re not even there today, time to play phone tag with the fuckin’ on-call’ which lasted far too many hours and eventually, even though the refills were sent over, it was too late for the pharmacy, and also the laundry place. ~_~; Sigh.

Tomorrow, hopefully.

However!

Today i caught up on shiz! -

The Monster Duchess and Contract Princess - what a PRECIOUS chapter...but damn if they didn't set my girl up REAL well. SMDH.

Solo Leveling - ...Oh. Oh...OH OH SHIT OH SHITTTTTTTTTT. Ok. Okokok. Yep. Mhm. YEP FUCK HOT DAMN. Ok. Wow. Phew.

A Witch's Hopeless Wish - EEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Twin Siblings’ New Life - UGH the connections the missing reasons, the "i'm like 8 years old and can't talk to you like a real adult even though inside i'm like 30" shit ughhhhhhhh ARGH gods i feel so bad for the WHOLE family andi 'm SO worriedddddddd

The Warrior From the Golden Days - This one is the new one i picked up and read through - not sure if i mentioned the name of it the other day...i think i did? Not sure. Can't remember. Oh well. It's here. It's sick. i love Mom. She's the best. Let's KICK SOME ASS.

Shadow Queen - Still working on this one. Is still good.

Apparently haven't documented that i read anything since the 18th. So. That's cool me. >_>; i don't think i've read anything other than Warrior and a few chapters of Shadow Queen, so that's cool.

Bleh.

Did a little drabble of RP today. Twas nice. Things are slowly, slowly settling down. Which is nice.

Didn’t get any cleaning done today either. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Wore myself out yesterday, ugh. ~_~;

Nothing else really happened. Lots of pain, lots of aches, lots of feeling just exhausted and gunky and...bleh.

Food and liquid were pretty alright, pain was not. Head, back, neck, wrists, hands...damn near everything aches. BLEH.

[enduringsea]

( rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the kind of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping! ) / tagged by @yellowcrumpet​ ╭( ･ㅂ･)و )))

Thanks for the tag! I LOVE these things-- I don’t rlly have a playlist either though, just a mess of music files on a device I haven’t updated so I’ll be checking my YouTube history too lol. There’s a uhhh.... pattern to be found, mainly relating to Code Vein or other OCs.... which isn’t surprising ._. ;; I made it a separate post bc I knew this was going to get long and rambly with lyric snippets and crying about fictional characters, sorry :D

1. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor don’t go / you’re half of me now / but i’m hardly stood proud / i said it, almost oh i’ve been low / but damn it i bet it don’t show / it was heaven a moment ago oh i can’t seem to let myself leave you / but i can’t breathe anymore This one gives me Loubeth vibes ok, partially bad end route ;-; While Elizabeth is a very strong person, her friends are the most prominent reason she tries to do anything at all & isn’t living day-to-day in a monotonous grind to survive without a solid purpose other than ‘help random ppl bc it’s the right thing to do’. If she loses them, it’d ruin her & hammers into her head how everything she’s ever done has been a failure. She suffered a major betrayal by her boss before the Collapse, she was unable to fully participate in proj. queen despite her incredible test results, she failed to defeat Cruz and take her blood during Operation Queenslayer, and if she fails to protect the people she’s finally found meaning with? She’d break down completely & destroy herself to save them. She’s always had some level of abandonment issues, and without her family around it’s so much worse, even if it isn’t the most obvious because she’s generally seen as very well put together-- I really can’t express how much it would hurt her to lose Louis, Yakumo, and the others. She’s just not one to show just how bad it can truly get for her mentally and emotionally-- she’s resilient as hell, she’s been through hell repeatedly and survived it all, so it’s easy for others to assume she’s fine all things considered. It makes her feel weak and ashamed of herself if she shows any level of vulnerability, so she doesn’t; she swallows it down and is afraid of disappointing those who look up to her as a fighter and friend-- of course, no one at Home Base would blame her for being vulnerable, they all have their moments, Bethy just sets herself to such a high standard it’s difficult for her to talk about her own suffering in spite of how well-versed she is in getting her thoughts and feelings across otherwise. Louis is the one most keen to how deeply she’s hurting, but he doesn’t understand just how deeply until she finally does fall apart. The final swell of the song and its desperate lyrics really relays the pain they both feel-- Louis too would not fare well if something happened to Elizabeth, because he blames himself she was even involved in Operation Queenslayer for a long time, I honestly did so bad in explaining coherently, this song just has so much emotion and hurt behind it adklfjdfdff </3

2. Looking Out For You - Joy Again this is a love song for a girl who will never know it’s about her she's beaming that smile / all the while i’m all tripped up on my own throat i guess there is no hope This song reminds me of Elizabeth & my friend’s character Takashi Fujioka, who gets-- vERY...FRIENDZONED, for lack of a better word, by Elizabeth in his story, it’s really summed up best as tragic (;﹏;) Before the Collapse they were hitting it off, then the Collapse happened, they were separated, he lost his sisters, Mido happened, he was experimented on + became a revenant, etc, etc; years have passed since then & she’s gotten her life together as much as one can in a world like Vein, but for Takashi it’s like no time has passed at all. Elizabeth is subtly older in appearance, she’s been working w Lou & Co. for a long time; Loubeth blatantly have a connection, & rather than bringing up his feelings + making it awkward bc he values their friendships, he just kinda. chokes on them & does his best to help out the team. It doesn’t help he can’t even be jealous bc Louis is a really solid friend to him too, IT’S JUST A MESS OF A SITUATION & the death of what could have been if things were different.

3. Closer - Teagan And Sara ( no lengthy explanation for this one thank goodness, I’ve just been watching BoJack Horseman again and I really like some of the songs they add in, I like listening to this one on loop when mindlessly coloring something )

4. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo  all I did was try my best / this the kind of thanks I get? they say these are the golden years / but I wish I could disappear ego crush is so severe / god, it's brutal out here I have it on a playlist for Elizabeth somewhere, not all of it applies to her but it reflects some of her struggles she has both before & after the collapse. She’s-- always kind of been a mess while under immense pressure + has serious self image issues, this song hits that side of her well. She’s been held to humanly impossible standards by both herself and her family bc frankly? She can reach them, she’s NOT exactly human. She was born into her position as a hunter & intends to keep it for as long as she lives (like revenants, her kind is very much ‘either gets killed or lives 5ever), even if some days she really feels how heavy the burden can be. She didn’t have a normal childhood and she’s fine with it for the most part, but it alienates her from most of her peers-- she never got to date anyone, never had a close group of friends, never went to parties that weren’t formals, etc., while she feels a little childish about it, she does envy ‘normal’ and understands the pressure she’s lived under her entire life has caused damage-- she has been exploited for her abilities, there’s just not much she can do about it but to keep going, rlly.

5. Freaks - Surf Curse  don't kill me / just help me run away from everyone  i need a place to stay / where i can cover up my face don't cry / i am just a freak / i am just a freak UhhhHHH this song really makes me think of Oliver Collins :D;; thank TikTok for showing it to me. It makes me think of how scared he was, of both the world and the revenants who captured him. The song’s use of the word ‘parasites’ really makes me think of Revenants and the BOR parasites XD I’m hoping when I poke my video editor again, I can record some Oliver footage to make a short video to this song. Oliver deserves so much better, I wish you could save him, but that’s what AUs are for, hahah.... The second half of the lyrics make me think of the AU I have where he lives and has to grapple with the guilt of surviving and the things he did to other revenants to get by too.

6. All Eyes On Me - Bo Burnham you say the ocean’s rising / like i give a shit you say the whole world’s ending / honey it already did you’re not gonna slow it / heaven knows you tried got it? good / now get inside I haven’t seen the Netflix special yet but I’ve had this song on repeat since my move started. The lyrics hit too hard & resonate with my existential dread, covid exhaustion, and extreme burnout in my 20s, but bc I have Damage I can also relate it to CV ._. ‘you’re not gonna slow it, heaven knows you tried. got it? good now get inside’ makes me think of--;; the bad end route again, and Elizabeth’s desperation to keep her found family together. It’s not like her to completely stop caring about an issue, but in the moment she realizes what’s being taken from her? She doesn’t want to save all of revenant-kind if it means she’s going to wind up alone all over again, her world is effectively over if she’s forced to be alone again. The MC frenzying means the only immediately identifiable hope she had of saving everyone else is gone, so why not just go home? If they’re all doomed, she wants to at least be together for a little while longer, it’s fine if they use her blood to survive & everyone else in the mist is out of luck, it’s soul-crushing bc I’ve never had her in a situation where she’s been this reckless, despondent/hopeless, and thinking irrationally where it’d impact more than herself-- especially when she’s normally goal-oriented, organized, meticulous, so on so forth: she’s not one to act without thinking something through first, but that last breath of light just got sucker-punched out of her. All she wants is home, comfort, and family, and ultimately in the bad end route she does manage to preserve their lives, maintain the mist, and supply blood beads, but her own condition leaves her on the throne-- it’s a mix of the bad, neutral, and true ending rlly ldkfjdf BUT YEAH enough rambling on that :D;; This song’s really good and touches a lot of different thoughts and ideas both in real life and my ocs, kind of embarrassing--;; thank u bo burnham for ruining me with this beautiful song

7. Yellow - Coldplay look at the stars / look how they shine for you / and everything you do your skin / oh yeah, your skin and bones / turn in to something beautiful do you know / for you I'd bleed myself dry Does this song make me think about JackEva? Yes. Yes it does. Star / night sky symbolism? Bam. Sappy lyrics about love and finding the person you’re with absolutely mesmerizing and worth dying for? BAM. If JackEva were capable of using their own blood to save each other, I can see it-- hJNGn they just care about each other so much, Jack cries for her even though they both knew that eventually one of them would succumb to their duty, and if the roles were reversed I can see Eva doing the same, I adore them beyond human language. On my CV RP blog, my Jack’s not shippable bc-- Eva, my friend even have them looking after his nephew (an oc--) at one point. I should seriously drop some headcanons down eventually....

8. Louder Than Thunder - The Devil Wears Prada  are we meant to be empty-handed? / i know i could, i could be better i don't think i deserve it / selflessness, find your way into my heart all stars could be brighter / all hearts could be warmer 

LMFAO throwback to my middle school playlist, I’m old-- I’ve applied this song to a lot of things back in the day, but I really connect it to Loubeth now, especially Louis. Lou & Bethy are both functional idiots who are too hard on themselves & have trouble recognizing their worth beyond what they can do for others. They’re trying to be better-- to make up for what they perceived wrongs they’ve done, but it’s hard, they don’t believe they’re worthy of the love and support the other gives, but they still yearn for that sense of security. After Louis’ memories are returned, he finally understands the guilt he’s felt since he became a revenant and it really skews his self-perception; he blames himself for so many things & Elizabeth, who has always been able to kill when necessary, sets it straight-- “It’s not your fault”, and it takes Louis some time to properly absorb that message. He thinks she’s just trying to comfort him, which she is tbh, but she’s not wrong: “It’s not your fault you couldn’t kill someone. It was never your job to kill anyone.” It’s up to people like her to do those sort of things-- Elizabeth may not have been present when Cruz frenzied, but if she had been? It would have been over before it started, that’s something she has regrets over, even if nothing could have been done since she was already on the field. Actually, she’s actually really quite angry that security failed to monitor Cruz properly and has a few select words for the ones there who could have actually done something before it got out of hand-- civilians and doctors are exempt from her shtlist bc they’re not meant to be killers (so don’t worry Artorias, she’s not ready to bite your head off!), but they had to have some kinda security detail rite o-q??? They’re probably hiding from her wrath-- BUT ANYWAY, she insists she’ll never blame Louis for not being able to do something as serious as killing another person. He was a normal human being who cared about his friend, not a failure, and he couldn’t have been expected to do something that shouldn’t have fallen on his shoulders in the first place. As many times as it takes, she’ll reaffirm that it wasn’t his fault, she’s not angry, he’s always done his best and her opinion of him hasn’t changed. He’s a good person and she loves him through all the hurt, though she doesn’t drop the word ‘love’ for a long time. It just-- takes Louis a while to accept she views him as someone worthy of the love and respect she has for him. It’s kind of ironic she’s so adamant on Louis not blaming himself considering she’s the one privately blaming herself for-- wow there’s too much to unpack, she feels guilty she was even born?? im so broken over these two. I love them and yet they SUFFER... 

9. What I’ve Done - Linkin Park i'll face myself / to cross out what i’ve become erase myself / and let go of what i’ve done today this ends / i'm forgiving what i’ve done

I have Louis Amamiya brainrot and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks that this song fits him super well & it needs to become an AMV dsjfkldsfd. I’m a near life-long Linkin Park fan and this fits with Lou so well thematically. As much as I’ve gone on about Louis’ guilt, he does steel himself to keep going forward in spite of it and make things right, for everyone. Maybe it wasn’t really his fault, but at the end of the day his inability to kill Cruz in that moment left a disaster in its wake that got a countless number of people killed-- the MC included with Karen and Aurora. He doesn’t want to run away from the truth, doesn’t want to make excuses, he wants to take responsibility for it and he’ll work himself to death if it means things will be better-- it’s both admirable he’s got a strong resolve and VERY concerning with how willing he is to die for the cause, please don’t overdo it, Lou, you’ll break mine and Bethy’s hearts ._.;; It won’t always be easy, there are moments the grief gnaws at him, but in the end he does overcome it (and uh. as in the bad ending, we know he can actually do it this time). I know we can’t see everything, but I would have loved deeper character interactions, especially with Louis with an emphasis on grieving + forgiving himself properly-- but this song really is nice with the whole ‘I’m going to face my mistakes head on, forgive myself, and keep moving forward’. It’s what Louis deserves: self forgiveness and a damn break ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

10. Call of Silence - Hiroyuki Sawano you will know you're reborn tonight / must be rough but i’ll stay by your side even if my body's bleached to the bones / i don't want go through that ever again so cry no more / oh my beloved ngl idk if those are the correct lyrics, buuuuuuut....... im a weenie and am internally weeping abt loubeth after midnight, what else is new lmfao- i’ll at least try to be brief :D I also used to really like Attack on Titan when I was in high school, I dropped the anime years ago because I was waiting for s2 and never got back to it once it started airing again, I thought I’d finish it once the anime was complete since I eventually caught up with the manga, such a good series BUT ANYWAY-- I think it’s a really pretty song and Loubeth fit with the tender lyrics. IT’S LATE, idk what to say about them other than what I’ve said already dsklfjdslf im sorry I really ramble a LOT and I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had the chance to >w>;;

[lgchunji]

✧ .・゜゜hello, lgc admods!

     chwe hunji and jin eunji’s leaf wants to say: “hey admods! i know this may look a little sudden and a little weird but by the time you see this, i’ve been going around asking all the members what they want to say to you guys to show their appreciation! i know admin e probably already told you, but i used to do theater for about two years and i volunteered my time. i probably worked fifteen-thirty hours a week at a theater and i did not get paid and barely was thanked but i always put in effort. i gave them one hundred percent of myself and, if i was lucky, i would get a five dollar starbucks gift card in return. i was so exhausted and even stopped writing because i could not handle how much of myself i was losing every day. i gave a hundred percent of myself away and got five percent back. now, though, with legacy, everything has been flipped! you guys put a hundred ten percent of yourselves into this amazingly fun and honestly complicated place and i feel like i never get to give back. i know the joy of it all is in watching people write together but for me, just having fun was not enough, i wanted to compile something together for you guys! you do so much for us so i thought it was time i give just a sliver of myself back to you. so! under the cut is a lot of people’s messages that i’ve gathered. a lot of members were unable to send in something in time so i do apologize that not everyone is here, but i added a space in the bottom for anyone and everyone who wants to add something at a later date, so admins and members, be sure to check that often! in the meantime, though, you guys are so amazing and this place already means so much to me, i really hope legacy can continue to grow and flourish beyond your guys’ dreams because you really deserve it! p.s. the below notes are not in any particular order of length or alphabetized, they’re just random C:”

     han insoo’s al wants to say: “thank you for your kindness and dedication. you guys are troopers. i’m not very vocal about things publicly out of shyness but also bad experiences. i hope you guys know i appreciate to be here and that you guys have kept this up for so long despite the setbacks. it’s been a while since i felt comfy in a directory. much hugs and kithes!! thank you for being so open and welcoming!”      kang yonghwa and choi daehyung’s muffin wants to say- "thank you so much for all of the hard work! legacy is not an easy rp to run with all these career branches and events going on. i appreciate all of the mods for making this rp extra special by celebrating birthdays, holidays and other occasions. I love you all muahhhhhh~"      liu jiao and ok miyoung’s faye wants to say- “i disappeared from the rp scene for awhile and was kind of lost when it came to fitting back into everything. but joining legacy helped me along and i am so glad i decided to put my muse here. thank you to all the mods and for all of their hard word. i felt so welcomed by not only them, but the other members of the directory as well. so thank you for the lovely community you’ve brought together here. i am happy to say that legacy holds a special place in my heart.”      yoon shinha and pongsak, tee's simone wants to say: “when i first joined legacy it was because i had some friends here and i had read about it a lot on twitter. i was nervous and scared, which is how i usually feel when joining a new place. working on my own points page from scratch was a first but i was proud of myself and i felt accomplished when i finished it. i joined as a connection and it gave me a boost when it came to plotting. everyone was so nice and welcoming and i honestly love that when joining a new directory. the events were many and i was both excited and scared at how many there were. even if i couldn't understand something i knew i could ask an admin or mod and would get a quick reply. i love how kind and supportive the staff is. i've been here for a few months now and i always recommend it to others. i know that no matter what, i can go to a staff member with a question and i don't need to feel stupid for asking something bc the staff are so helpful and understanding. the thought that goes into this roleplay and the events are amazing and i am honestly so amazed every time a new event gets posted. they give sufficient time frames for events and i know they try to make it as fair as possible. i honestly love it here and i love the hard work and the time that is put into legacy.”      park taekyung and heo jane’s bobbi wants to say: “thank you for taking the time to create this awesome community! the time and effort you put into this rp is what makes it such a fun place and i hope that this post brings you just as much joy as you bring us! <3"      mayura nana’s cc wants to say: “i’ve been on and off in the group, seeing the first time it opened and how hard working the admins were to coming back and seeing the amount of growth in just a few months. i truly appreciate all that you guys have done for your members, the patience and love you put into every little thing you do so everyone can develop and enjoy themselves. you guys make this rp fun and safe and i’m forever grateful to have found a true home for my muse. keep up the good work and i can’t wait to continue being here and witnessing even more love and growth from the team ❤️”       park seojin, im hana and kang seyoon’s sara wants to say: “hello lovely team. it's been a great ride thus far and i'm so happy to have been here from the beginning to see the community grow. you've built a really nice and wholesome place here and it's been one of the best roleplays i've been in so far. it's hard running things but always remember that people love and respect you and so many of us are rooting for good things every day. you're human too and if you make a mistake, never beat yourself up over it. you keep things so much fun. truly nothing more i could ask of from a team. i’ve sent other messages in the past but there's really no limit to the praises and support i can offer to you guys. keep up the good work!! ♡♡”      wu aaron and kim alex’s em (aka the awkward cookie) wants to say - "to the amazing admins of this rp, i haven't been here nearly as long as others but i really enjoy having my muses here! i love lgc so much and you're all amazing admins who work very hard to keep this place running with amazing events! keep up the great work and i can't wait to see what else you all have planned! (please torture alex as much as you can. xD) i don't think i've really talked to the admins here much but still, i love you all and everything you do! <3 please don't let any negative comments or reviews get to ya'll and just know you're all doing great!"       choi jongsuk, son jieun, and kim jinah‘s jen wants to say -  "@ the mod team from your resident meme! you guys know how much i love lgc. i'm not shy annoying y'all with compliments and praise. every sunday is a highlight because there is always something exciting being posted- be it just a date lottery update or new events; you never fail to surprise and spoil us all with fun and creative ideas! also the way you manage to keep things as fair as possible for everyone and still manage to not make anyone feel left out or left behind. the quick replies to any kind of questions are just so nice to see and it makes me personally not scared ever to ask anything at all no matter how stupid the question may be! i probably annoy y'all with how often i said this already but i love this rp. i love the graphics, the concept and the execution of it all. thank you for creating this amazing space for all of us to write and hopefully to many more years! true to my name i shall exit on a meme~"      hwang subin and han allie’s nic wants to say - “hello admins!!! it's me, a nic. i know that i've said a lot of this in the past but to sum it all up, i love you guys!! thanks for giving me a place to feel a bit more comfortable when i don't feel that way in rp a lot lately. i love that you guys are always gracious and accepting of criticisms, questions, and critiques and i hope you continue to always be that way because i think it's important for rps to listen to their members. i also want you to know that you don't have to stand for rudely stated words just because you do that, either!! i appreciate the time you take to answer my questions, whether it be through the manager blog or through discord and for all the opportunities you've given my muses ( even if ONE of them might not be so grateful. i'm lookin at u subin ) so yeah ;u; i hope u all are having a lovely day, pls take care!!!”      tsai sunisa, park sarang, and jung jihye’s the ghost rper wants to say - “number one, thank you for making legacy an rp! i'm having a lot of fun with all of muses! especially since it's given me a chance to bring muses i've played before alive in another rp. two, they're [the admins] awesome for all of the stuff they've managed to do for the group and how many options you have to be apart of the industry and do more background related stuff! third, just stay awesome and remember to put yourself before rp! since without ya'll we wouldn't be here!”      min soyoun and kim jinseo‘s clara wants to say - "hi mods! thank you for making lgc a fun and safe haven for us. i appreciate the love, thought, and effort you all put in every single mission/event that happens in the roleplay. you guys are doing amazing!"      kwon sihyun‘s shinobi wants to say - “thank you for making me feel welcome!”      park iseul and ahn dohyun’s nine wants to say - “thank you so much for all your hard work! over the months i've been at lgc i've always felt like the admods have kept every single muse in mind when creating events and moulding the rp to fit the members. i've never felt as in love with an rp as i do now. keep up the good work, i can't wait to see the rp grow more and more!”      choi max and im nari‘s jada wants to say - “hi there mods !!! i didn't want this whole appreciation to go by without saying some words of my own, so here i go ! when i joined legacy a few months back i was hesitant to even join, doubting that i'd want to stay to make it even past the next activity check. it was an act of pure impulse, but perhaps the best thing i could've done ! alongside the many great friends i've made along the way, if it was not for all the hard work you do, the roleplay would not be nearly as lively of a universe as we've all made it to be ! i always compliment legacy for the dedication you all clearly have to making it enjoyable - from events going on all the time, to in-character posts that liven the spectrum of our creativity, to your speedy responses and patience whenever we have trouble ! i think me and the rest of the members can agree that what you do makes us enjoy the roleplay even more, and we always will be appreciative of that !! i think you guys run the roleplay SO smoothly at times that we forget the hard work you put in and the bumps you might encounter along the way, but it's times like this that make me realize how much more we should thank you. because of the team behind it all, i've once again found my place in a roleplay that's made me feel at home, and always ready to write and have fun !! i'm extremely grateful for the passion you've shown us and i hope that i too can do my best to make sure your hard work pays off and give thanks ! i'm looking forward to writing with all of you and giving a voice to our muses for as long as i'm able to type, haha ! <33 “      ahn yeoreum’s kay wants to say - "my first experience with krp wasn't exactly the best. i didn't land myself in the most welcoming environment and was planning to never join another krp. but i took a chance in lgc and didn’t regret it. since day one, everyone has been so welcoming and i loved playing yeoreum here. the admods have worked so hard to make this such a nice environment to rp in and i love how well thought-out all the events and activities are. thank you so much, admods !! we are super lucky to have such a talented and hard-working team. <3″      ji haneul’s maddy wants to say - “to legacy admods uwu, thank you for your endless hard work! seeing how the community has grown over the last few months, as well as the tons of opportunities for character development has made my time here absolutely amazing. i just want to say how much i love the rp, and how inspiring it can be in churning my writing muses. keep up the good work, and i hope you guys would also be able to have as much fun as the work you've put in in maintaining the rp! take care, stay safe, and stay awesome >:D *flings plushies in your directions* ♡"      lee seungjae’s fifi wants to say - "hello admods!!! i just wanted to say thank you for everything that you've done for lgc! i haven't been here long but everything about it is great and i can tell you've put in so much work to make it the great place that it is!"      kang dana‘s jay wants to say - “thank you so much for working so hard on this roleplay and allowing all of our characters to develop however we like! i have never enjoyed a rp as much as this one <3"      hwang jaerim and im hyunjin’s jia wants to say - "hello admod team, yall know im always here to bother u all with my weirdness and you guys are all great to talk to. i've been lucky enough to have been here since day 1 and to see this place flourish and see all the efforts you put into the rp, makes me glad to be here. thank you!!"      oh max and park viggo’s lyn wants to say -  "as one of those muns that has been in legacy from the very beginning, i've witnessed this rp grow and i can’t help but to feel extremely proud and happy for the admod team who works tirelessly to make sure that the progress isn’t only with the rp but genuinely with the muses within it. the admins take it into their own hands to celebrate the achievements that muses have obtained and put them on the spotlight, personally i've experienced screaming and getting emotionally overwhelmed with some of the mods at how happy and ecstatic i felt with some of the results for my muses. with that said i want to make it clear that my muses don’t always get what they want, when it happens, i do share some down time with said mods as well- not to complain but to just talk. the same happens vice versa, when the mods' muses don’t get a spot in future dreams or didn’t get the center of a group, or when they land a cf spot or has made progress by moving on a different path, i'm able to witness their reactions as muns as well- which quite frankly is humbling considering that it reminds me that their muns too and not just mods. essentially what i'm trying to say is that based on my experience and mine alone although i have no doubt i'm not the only one who feels this, clearly this post proves it, that the admod team is not just there to provide us with countless numbers of events or answer our endless amount of questions and woes with admirable patience or guide us in the right direction when we misplace a point or two in our submits, but rather to present us muns with a safe and progressive platform to comfortably establish and allow our muses to flourish in a highly entertaining environment. so thank you legacy team for your heartwarming and admirable work, i know this hasn’t been easy for you guys but hang in there, a lot of us got your backs ♡"

these are the folks who wanted to add something after this post was first published:

no one at the moment! if you want to say something to our lovely admins please either message them through the lgckrp askbox or, if you’re more shy, send me an IM or send it to lgchunji’s askbox with your message in quotations, which blogs you run, and your name/alias!

[fyrapartnersearch]

World Weaver (Detailed, Literate, and Decadent)

Hi everyone, I'm Safy and I want to create a beautiful, lush world full of decadent characters with you. I’ll start by saying that I’m very picky but in this ad, I’ll tell you absolutely everything that I'm searching for so that it’s all laid out there. Feel free to ask me anything you want about my writing and preferences; questions are more than welcome!

ABOUT ME

- I’m a 25 year old woman and writing has been a longtime love of mine. I have a busy life, but with covid-19 it's slowed down, and I've found time to integrate this very important piece of artistry into it. That being said, I can post anywhere from multiple times a day to four times a week depending on what time allows. I’ll always keep you updated though. Lately, I've been able to post at least daily, but I don't expect you to constantly be available.

- I am a detailed, literate writer. I don’t believe in one-liners. My average post length is 3-5 paragraphs, less or more if the situation calls for it. I don’t believe that quantity is equivalent to quality, however, and I’ll get to that in my next point.

- I am a full believer that writing is an art. This is one of the most important things you can take away from my ad. I don’t just throw together words. I want to create written life. Together, we can form worlds that are intricate, beautiful, and filled with nuance. These worlds should be inhabited with dynamic, multi-dimensional characters that have their own flaws, stories, and ambitions. Most of the time, that means diving into a lot of plotting. Like many of you, I love plotting. I can't wait to worldbuild with one of you!

- I write any gender and any pairing. However! I have been writing a lot of males recently. I’d like to write a woman in an MxF pairing BUT I also love doubling/having multiple characters, so I’m sure we could work something out so that we’re both happy. We can have multiple pairings. I will pour equal amounts of energy into any and all characters so I’d ask that you do the same. - If we become RP partners, I am communicative. I will not ghost you, or suddenly disappear. If I’m not interested, I’ll let you know.

- As far as OOC goes, I use it for plotting and to get to know my RP partners. I leave the "getting to know you" up to the comfort of my partner. I've been friends with some and simply writing partners with others. - I am only interested in RPing over Google Docs. I like the aesthetic of it...a beautiful document to match a beautiful world. If you’ve never done this before, I’m happy to share what I've learned if we become RP partners. It’s not hard to get used to, I promise! For OOC, I prefer Discord or Google Chat.

WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR

Now that you know who I am, here is exactly what I’m looking for. Like I said, I’m picky. This list may look exhaustive, but I think it’s only fair to you that you know exactly what I’m looking for. I won’t waste your time. These qualities are a must for me.

- 22+. This is a firm rule. I like to explore mature themes, and I’m only comfortable doing that with those over the age of 22.

- Detailed. I’m looking for someone who is not interested in one liners or tiny posts. Ideally, you are just as passionate as I am about creating lovely worlds and characters.

- Literate. Please, please have a strong handle on English and grammar. I get that everyone makes typos but there's a limit.

- Comfortable with mature themes. I’m not asking for a totally messy RP, but I do like exploring mature themes. Violence, smut, etc. This is why requirement number 1 is so important. We can talk about boundaries and limits should we decide to be partners.

- Committed to creating dynamic characters and a detailed world. I would hope you share the same passion for story and writing as I do.

- Comfortable writing any gender. Particularly, this is for the people who contact me saying that they only write females. Do. Not. Contact. Me. If. You. Only. Write. Females. I write both, it would be cool if you were also versatile. - Interested in multiple characters. This is something I love, and I think that multiple characters pave the way for a richer world.

- Willing to RP over Google Docs and plot over Discord or Google Chat.

GENRE INFO

The fun stuff! I enjoy most genres but my favorites are dystopian, science fiction, post apocalyptic (give me a good viral zombie outbreak and I’m there), and fantasy. Seriously, any type of fantasy. I’m down for mythological creatures in modern Paris, a wholly new world based off of ancient Rome, or vampires in Italy...there is so much to dream up in this genre. Some things I draw inspo from: Breath of the Wild, Horizon Zero Dawn, City of Bones series, sense8, The Witcher series, God of War series, even Animal Crossing!

I can get excited about most genres, except slice of life. Sorry if that’s your thing, but slice of life is not for me. As far as fandoms go, the only one I’m interested in is Harry Potter or Breath of the Wild. I’d want to make original characters however, and would prefer to be in the post-Harry time period.

I am a sucker for romance/smut and enjoy interweaving it in some way. It’s the perfect seasoning, but it’s not the whole meal. Also, if you’re actually seeing all of this and decide to contact me, please tell me your favorite animal so that I know you’ve actually been reading. Thanks!

I only have three available plot templates prepared which I can share upon request. One is about a modern fantasy world at the brink of war once magic becomes revealed to humans, the second is a post-apocalyptic style zombie virus tale, and the third is based off of Greek mythology. I’m also VERY interested in hearing any ideas you might have!

TO WRAP UP

OK! Now that I've reread this ad too many times, gonna throw it out there and hope for the best. If the stars are in our favor, please email/discord message me with some info about yourself as a writer, your writing interests, and a writing sample! Please don’t contact me with only one sentence or without the information I’ve requested, because I really do want to learn more about you as a writer. Happy hunting!

-- Safy

CONTACT:

Email- electricsafflina@gmail.com

Discord- Safy#4592

[isa-ghost]

Achievements Unlocked?

The last decade has COMPLETELY shaped who I am now and the fact that it ends today and essentially sends me off into the next one where turning 30 is the end is something I can’t wrap my head around and not just bc it’s barely 9am as I’m writing it. Ten years hasn’t felt like ten years and all the shit that’s happened during those ten years feels like it’s happened in the last like,,, 3.

Basically this is just me going How The Fuck Did All Of This Happen In A Decade and highlighting the big things that shaped who I am now.

Uhhh this is long I’m gonna-

2010/2011 (Shit’s A Blur):

I started noticing aesthetic interests I had.

I developed my love for the outdoors and exploration.

I started realizing vaguely spooky things were really intriguing to me.

I got SUPER into Harry Potter.

Which lead to me creating my first two Ocs.

I started switching from drawing animals/landscapes to drawing people.

I made my first cluster of friends I hoped I’d have forever. (Spoiler alert: only still have one of em).

2012:

I started identifying with punk rock & emo culture/aesthetics.

I made my first cluster of online friends (Spoiler alert: don’t talk to any of em now)

I got into YouTubers.

I got into anime.

I made my first “blog.” It was a Facebook page for a fictional character.

I discovered my favorite band.

I made my first online friend I hoped I’d have forever (still have em so far!)

I met my future wife.

I started roleplaying with Ocs.

Which lead to making more.

I started drawing digitally using bases. Which started my improvement.

I made my own first little community via my FB page.

Which lead to an rp group of more friends I hoped I’d have forever (still got a handful of em!)

I discovered my other favorite bands.

I started using Skype.

I got into more anime.

My parents were officially fully separated. 

Which began the very start of realizing my dad was verbally abusive.

Congrats Isa, You Need Glasses You Dumb Fuck. Hooray astigmatism.

I graduated 8th grade.

2013:

I was essentially forced to move in with my dad for high school.

I started high school.

Officially became total anime trash and started watching them like crazy.

I THINK I hit 100 Ocs at some point this year. Just kept makin them from here.

Met my first cluster of irl forever friends (spoiler alert: only have 1 now).

Learned having Ocs was Not Just An Isa Thing, Holy Shit I Thought I Was Just Weird.

Promptly fell in love with learning about other people’s Ocs.

Realized Wow, I Kinda Can’t Stand My Dad And I Don’t Trust Him.

Had my first boyfriend. *gag* He was nasty.

Experienced my first long distance relationship. It lasted 3 days.

2014/2015 (Shit’s Also Blurry):

Got another long distance boyfriend. First relationship I genuinely liked the person.

I realized talking multiple people through the lowest points of their lives and keeping them from harming themselves was a sign I should maybe get into psychology and do that as a job.

I started getting interested in researching mental disorders.

Realized Okay Yeah, I Lowkey Hate My Dad

Realized I had A Concerning Amount Of Symptoms Of Depression. Fuck.

Realized Huh, Girls Are Pretty Too,,,

My friend taught me about bi and pansexuality. Casually started identifying as pan. Didn’t know shit about LGBT+ stuff.

Was shown a video by my friend. Decided Wow I Really Like This Screaming Potato Guy.

Acquired one more forever friend I still have.

Got slapped in the face by Gravity Falls.

My mom moved out of the rural town I just spent the last like 8 Years Of My Own Character Development In, Dammit

I realized money and finances Fucking Sucks.

Had the,, probably worst year of my adolescence. Angry, depressed, sick of my dad. It was Not Great. Almost started self-harming, only didn’t because I’d be a hypocrite if I did after helping my friends stop doing it.

Homestuck invaded my life around here I think.

Decided I’m Gonna Live With My Online Friends One Day! (spoiler alert: nope).

Was kinda forced by my dad to move out of the apartment I lived in and therefore forced to transfer schools.

Got to meet my future wife irl for the first time. Wow that was,, so gay before we even realized.

Okay Hold On, This New School Is,,, Really Nice.

2016:

New school. New me. New friends. New everything. Fuckity shit fuck.

Okay wait they have an anime club like my other school did we good.

Met another two forever friends that I think really are forever friends now.

Angry Shitty Depression Time Died Down A Little.

Somehow learned about evilsonas. Huh, Does Jack Have One? ... Ok Cool, They’re All People’s Ocs. Meh.

Started learning how to drive. Oh My God This Is Fun.

Lost my second ever pet and was... very confused when I wasn’t as traumatized as I was the first time I lost a pet.

Boyfriend kinda Thanos snapped from existence bc his irl life was hectic.

Experienced what it’s like to have a friend that died.

Wow my irl best friend is hot. ... Okay I Think Boyfriend’s Absence Is Bothering Me. *proceeds to ignore that*

Gets into some more bands.

Knock Knock, You Have Separation Anxiety, Isa.

Finally decided to try out high school things like homecoming. Ooh That Was Actually Fun.

The beginning of the worst end to a friendship I’ve ever had starts. Not Handling It Well.

Discovered Fooster. Cue hyperfixation on new favorite YouTuber and more new friends.

Wait What The Fuck What Just Happened To Jack’s Camera,,,, OH MY GOD HE ISN’T-

HE IS. OH FUCK HE IS. MMMMHELLO KNIFE MAN.

Totally forgets he exists for the next like 10 months.

Realization I Really Fucking Love Halloween.

Discovered what asexuality is and immediately identifies because I thought I was just weird.

Hmm maybe I should start watching this Markiplier guy

Big Sad Times, My Friends Graduated. Next Year Gonna SUCK.

Tried out Dungeons & Dragons. Fuckin loved it.

2017:

Ah fuck I’m a senior in high school this is gonna be a trip.

Discovered I like photography.

Literally where did this school year go it’s so blurry.

Was convinced to end the relationship with boyfriend. He’s still a good bean.

Hey uhhhh online best friend do u big gay.

WE big gay.

Found a book I really like that isn’t Harry Potter, damn it’s about time.

Ok But This Book Really Fucked Me Up, I Love It.

OH FUCK WAIT I’M GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL.

Oh that wasn’t so bad.

Actually had to be PUSHED by my friends to have my first kiss with my girlfriend at my graduation party because I was too busy going [dkasjdjf] about having her physically in my presence at all.

First super memorable vacation. Wow I Fucking Love Traveling.

Got to meet another online friend!! I am,, incredibly lucky about being able to do that, this was like the 4th friend I got to meet.

[That one motion blur conspiracy theorist meme] SABRINA IM TELLING U JACK IS UP TO SOMETHING HIS TWITTER IS FUCKY

Gets punched in the throat with Kill Jacksepticeye on the way home from vacation and remembers how much I fucking love Anti

TIME FOR COLLEGE. I made a mistake.

TIME FOR COMMUNITY COLLEGE. Much Better.

Friend I Still Have From High School 1/2 introduced me to Bendy and the Ink Machine. HYPERFIXATION TIME BABEY.

Let’s,,, lets try Tumblr. Jack exists there a lot. And so does good art of everything I’m interested in.

Wait Who’s This Baby With The Mustache, JACK EXPLAIN

Okay there’s More Going On Here, lets get active in the community.

WHY THE FUCK IS THERE SECURITY FOOTAGE. THIS IS SKETCH. THIS ISOH MOTHERFUCKER ITS ANTI

Isa: Become Theorist

The rest is history, really, all stuff I’ve posted about on here. xD

And knowing me I’ve left out other highlighted bits but remembering all of this is,,, really exhausting lmao, I’m surprised I jotted down as much as I did in Relatively Chronological Order.

[thecharmingknightemma]

okay, before somebody wonders if I died or what, here’s how it is: my tooth pain was getting worse, I was able to go to a dentist (a private one, and I’m poor as hell so that should tell you something) and the situation was apparently BAD but we were still in time to save the tooth with a root canal (the cavity had reached the nerve, hence the pain) and at least once a week I was going to get parts of it fixed because it was a long job, and then the coronavirus hit so now we had to put it on pause

meanwhile during march I also finally had the urologist appointment scheduled six months ago - gave me tests to do but also pointed out that ‘uhm they should have sent you to get your kidneys checked, this isn’t a bladder problem like the others yo have’ which was lovely to hear because it just makes my trust towards the gastroenterologists who told me I only have ibs grow, since they don’t even know which organs should be checked when I don’t have a strictly gastro-problem but ok

also I went to other doctors, and my dad had a medical emergency, and all that means that I was going from one place to another which exhausts me due to my lack of decent health and energies (my gynecologist is baffled by my body, just so you know, my urologist was confused, and now all exams have to wait because of the virus unless they are life or death things), and NOW my mom got the flu (just flu, not the coronavirus) so I helped her but she might have infected me too because I’m not feeling well, so even if in quarantine and not going anywhere, it’s just hard to write, especially when I’m attempting to ration food a little because the market with the stuff that I can digest is in another city, which means only my dad can reach it since no more than one person at a time can go out for groceries, and he doesn’t know anything about it so he can’t help, and the stuff I can digest from our supermarket isn’t all that much, and I can only pray he doesn’t get sick because he’s the only one with a driving license and we can’t go anywhere if sick with anything (rightfully so, but it’s complicated when he can’t even give my brother a ride to get something)

I want to write, hell, I dreamed about writing, but I’m rationing my energies so I just did some 1x1 rp with a friend and mostly just watched tv, being able to return to this blog takes a lot more effort, with old drafts, and new partners to plot with, and waiting for replies that aren’t done right away means either possibly losing energies or getting distracted more easily due to the situation and finding hard to get back into the mood... so it’s a difficult time in this sense, other than of course being so worried because obviously if we are hit by the virus at home not many will survive and it’s impossible not to infect each other, not when grandpa only lives thanks to us, not to mention all the urgent but not immediately vital exams my father should do at the hospital that have been postponed (and what if it’s too late once he gets to do them because he waited too long? Or if he didn’t but the hospitals by then are full because of the virus and he can’t get any help nor get close to them anyway? It’s a mess) 

so yeah, long story short: my health problems AND my doctor visits to fix them tired me to death, my mom got sick, I took care of her as much as possible and likely got sick too (not from coronavirus) and all of this together makes extra hard to come here to rp (let alone ooc chats with multiple people) so that’s why I can’t be here now, even if I do love this blog and everything about it. Lots of love to you all, hopefully I’ll be back soon! 

[ofgeneration]

━ ✧ ( nico mirallegro, 26, he/him ) did you hear about generation’s new record ? it’s totally bitchin’ ! isaac carberry was killing it as lead vocalist. people who have interviewed him say they’re really quixotic & convivial, but they can be sort of impish & ungovernable if you catch him at a bad time. a mischievous grin, northern grit, your ex-record label’s offices looking like a jackson pollock after getting your revenge in the form of vandalism.

hello, my loves! — i’m jess, i’m 22 and over in rainy england. i’m recently done with university which gives me a lot of downtime until i find a job so hopefully i can dedicate a lot of that downtime to this fuckin’ rp because it’s gonna be lit i just know it. i’m a huge stone roses fan and 80s/90s-music-obsessed in general so getting to play this character is super exciting for me, so without further ado, meet my trash son: mr isaac carberry. PLEASE HMU FOR PLOTS!

BACKGROUND

born 14th april 1960 in manchester, england to a normal working-class family, isaac was the first born child of james & rose carberry, with a younger sister coming along a few years later. the little family of four lived fairly happily, but struggled financially just as many people did in northern england at the time. 

when isaac was five, his father lost his job as a result of coalmine closures, and times were tough. however, the family kept their spirits high by keeping close-knit, as well as listening to a whole lotta’ music. music was key in the carberry household. it was all around you at all times.

when times would get particularly bleak, his dad would pick up an guitar and play to the kids. he wasn’t very good but watching someone play an instrument and have fun with it sparked something in the eyes of isaac carberry.

tw violence, corporal punishment — during his teenage years, he was a problem child. he was the kid that always got pulled out of class by the headmaster to receive the cane in his office. he could never sit still, was always cracking jokes when he should’ve been doing his schoolwork, etc. it wasn’t talked about at the time, so it went unnoticed, but what isaac was probably dealing with was undiagnosed ADHD. despite this, though, he was a clever child. he had a way with words and looked forward to english class every week, where he would take great pleasure in writing exercises, especially poetry. 

writing was a dreamy, escapist haven for isaac, and this extended to his life outside of school, too. the works he was producing were mostly tongue-in-cheek, light-hearted stories and poems with a recurring “stop taking life so seriously” theme. when he turned 16, however, these poems began to turn into songs. this started to take up a lot of his time especially when he finished secondary school at 16 and went onto sixth form college, where he took music alongside english.

isaac desperately wanted to learn to play guitar, so that he could form some structural melodies to these songs, but struggled with honing the skill of learning an instrument. luckily, when he was 18, he made three friends who could do just that. the four kids would bounce ideas off of each other and hold jam sessions in the tiny little basement of isaac’s family home, but things never went much further than that (at least not yet, anyway.)

isaac decided against going to university, mostly since his family lacked the funds, and instead picked up a full-time job in a grocery store to help out his household’s shared income. 

in 1979, margaret thatcher came into power as the UK’s prime minister, and times got even bleaker. money was even tighter and the working-class situation became an even harder one to be in. the carberry family started sending isaac out on the street after work to sing some of his songs for tips. 

in 1983, aged 23, isaac was in a dark place. no opportunity, no degree, no wealth in the family to fall back on. he ‘rallied up the troops’ so to speak and practically begged his friends to start a band with him. he had plenty of material, after all.

to his relief, they said yes, and were determined to make it work. they were hungry for attention and throwing themselves at any gig opportunities they could get, to get them a bit of money into their pockets. that was it, GENERATION was truly alive and kicking.

at a show supporting another band, generation were noticed by a fellow musician, who took a shine to the band and booked them to support his upcoming uk tour. thus, the band were rising to prominence. fast forward a year and before isaac even had the chance to process it, generation were shaping up to be the biggest band in the uk. isaac could finally give his family everything they needed to better their situation and was having the most amazing time ever doing what he loved.

after independently releasing their own singles, the band got themselves a record deal in early 1985 and released their first full record, a self-titled album. their management wanted to introduce them to US audiences, and thus — that’s how we find ourselves here. 

PERSONALITY

ok sorry for that LONG ass background here’s the nice lil fun part where we can just dick around lmao hey meet my baby boy chaotic aries who is a lovable mess and i will protect him at all costs

literally so much of his personality is inspired by myself lmao we love an aries legend with ADHD but also i owe some of his characterization to the stone roses’ ian brown so if you ever want a look into isaac, watch some interviews or smth because Big Isaac Mood. the last aesthetic in his app references this video

nice, but a fuckin firecracker of a man. intense boi!! he’s a Lot

on first impressions he’s cool and collected and laidback but when you get to know him he can be very exhausting to be around, talks a lot, never tires of energy, etc

has that lopsided, wonky grin that you can’t help but love

lowkey isn’t really overwhelmed by the fame at all, he’s kind of narcissistic in the fact that he??? just feels like it’s really deserved? he knows hes talented jfjhgfjkghf

lowkey maybe highkey a sweetheart

a favourite with the ladies but not good w commitment

has slept around a lot. ladies, fellas, you name it. probably has it in him to settle down someday since he likes the idea of falling in love, but just hasn’t found it as of yet 

charisma literally oozes from him

tw drugs & alcohol / dOeSnT LiKe To sHoW eMoTioNs but then will literally cry w u and pour his heart out if you’re close enough to him or if he’s hella drunk or high on ecstasy 

Reyt fokin’ northern accent, yeh get meh?

man i dont even know can i just post this dumb shit already because this is getting LONG

WANTED CONNECTIONS

ex-girlfriend / groupie — i have this as a wc on the main

best friends will prob be taken by his bandmates but at the time of writing this only one other spot is taken so maybe ill branch out

give me some ppl who just DONT fucking like him

hookups / ex-hookups

someone he can be a bad influence on

someone who is a bad influence on him

someone he’s had beef w in the industry, maybe they said some shit about his band in an interview or something

a slow burn love interest plot................. listen.... gimme the one person he’s falling for and would consider being tied down for. i’d be so soft for that

gimme anything and everything my babies

[roleplaylogs]

Grofflin

A nice Grofflin RP where Jon goes to visit Lin in Puerto Rico

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like Jamilton, Whamilton, Hamilton RPF, and grofflin.

You: [1.29am] I miss you. LMM

Stranger: It’s late, Lin, you doing ok? I miss you, too. JG

You: Yeah, I just miss you! LMM How are you doing? LMM

Stranger: I’m alright, glad you’re not feeling incredibly sad or whatever. JG

Stranger: I’ve been awake far too long, ugh. JG

You: I mean, I'm putting on a brave face, but I'm not like incredibly sad, more mediocre sad. LMM But I'd rather talk about you. Insomnia? LMM

Stranger: Funny, I’d rather talk about you. But you’ll end up telling me eventually, I’m sure. JG

Stranger: Definite insomnia tinged with the usual anxiety. I think I miss the stage. JG

You: I miss the stage with you on it. LMM

Stranger: Yeah? I miss spending time with you in general, but especially on and around stage. JG

You: We were so good together in the play. LMM

Stranger: We really were, even if we didn’t really interact. I really enjoyed comndeering your dressing room. JG

You: Some of my best memories from the show was hanging out in that dressing room with you. LMM

Stranger: If you wanted to come all the way out to Pittsburgh you can come hang out in my trailer with me. JG

You: I wish I could, Papi, but I just flew out to PR. LMM

Stranger: You’re in the Motherland and you’re moderately sad? Lin, sweet thing, what’s up? I’d come down to you but we’re filming all week. JG

You: I don't know, maybe I'm just in a funk. My family are all still in NY and I'm in a boujee hotel room that just feels weirdly sterile and I miss you so bad. LMM

Stranger: Sounds kinda funky, yeah. V didn’t come? JG

You: No, we're not doing so great at the moment. LMM

Stranger: Ahhh, I’m sorry to hear that, really. I... let me check my schedule, alright? I might be able to sneak out of here. JG

You: Really? I can get you on a plane whenever you need, first class. LMM

Stranger: Really really. I miss the hell out of you and it seems you need some good old cheering up. You don’t have to do that, boo. JG

You: I know I don't, but I want to. I'm dragging your working ass out of the country, I'm gonna do it in style. LMM

Stranger: I am 1000% volunteering to leave the cold as fuck Pennsylvania city to come see you in Puerto Rico. No dragging required. But I know arguing with you is pointless... JG

You: Good, glad we got that sorted. LMM When can I book the flight for? Can they change your filming schedule? LMM

Stranger: (Delayed) So, we can finish up my stuff for the week tomorrow, and I can have til next Tuesday. So a week? That’s not bad. JG

You: A whole week? Awesome! That's great! Oh man, I'm so happy now. LMM You can help me go through my lines for the PR play! I can assure you I have forgotten every Ham lyric. LMM

Stranger: Lucky for you, I have forgotten NONE of them. We’ll get you all rehearsed and happy. JG

You: God, I'm so scared I'm gonna be shitty now. You gotta be ruthless with me, train me up again. LMM

Stranger: There is no way you’d be shitty, Lin. What with all that Disney training I’m sure you’re a better dancer. I’ll get you in top Ham shape, no problem. JG

You: Oh my god, it really put me through my paces, I've never been fitter. If you squint, and if I really suck in, you can kinda see abs. LMM

Stranger: !!! I’m going to touch them, you know that, right? JG

You: I mean, I've got no one else to show them off to. LMM The dad bod is still and always will be here, just a little fitter. I'm also a way better singer now, so, we can thank Disney and their expensive ass singing lessons for that too. LMM

You: ((Brb real quick I gotta go put some food in! Might be like ten mins))

Stranger: ((Alright!))

Stranger: You can show off to me when’re you like, Lin. I mean it. Just go full on showboat like Daveed. JG

Stranger: I love you just the way you are but the tiny improvements will only make you stronger. More formidable. I definitely cried in Poppins Returns because of you, by the way. JG

You: No one can showboat like Daveed, don't be silly. LMM You did? Fuck, that means so much to me. I tried so hard and I'm so proud of that, I'm so glad you like it. It's a love letter to the first movie, which I adored. LMM

Stranger: I know, I know but you could try! Just never put a shirt on and pretend you aren’t attractive. JG

Stranger: I did. Cried three separate times, but most of it was because I was so so proud of you. You did so well, Lin! The lamp lighters scene, oh my god. JG

You: Ha, I don't have to pretend. LMM God, you know that was a whole week of filming? Just that scene there? It's the most exhausted I've ever been but so worth it. LMM

Stranger: Shush, you’re so handsome and charismatic. JG

Stranger: Oh, I believe it. It was beautiful and magical and I want to watch you on that lamp post like 24/7. JG

You: Not a patch on you, you handsome devil! LMM I made so many pole dancing jokes, I'm almost embarrassed. LMM

Stranger: Oh, stop that. Let me admire you! JG

Stranger: Ha, I know you very well. I’m sure that almost is the key word there. JG

You: I've never made Em laugh so much than when we were filming for that scene, we had a blast. LMM God. It's like that was a high I'm now crashing down from. LMM

Stranger: G o d, you call Emily Blunt Em, I am JEALOUS. JG

Stranger: We’ll get you back up on that crest, I promise. Ham in PR is such a huge deal. JG

You: You gotta meet her sometime, I will set it up, she's awesome. I also met Jon Krasinski and almost died, that man is a confirmed god and he and Em are perfect together. LMM You're right. I just need my personal hypeman by my side. LMM

Stranger: You shut up right now, I’ll just end up quoting the entirety of Devil Wears Prada right into her glorious face. I need to meet her. JG

Stranger: You’ll have me for a week, but I’ll always hype you, Lin. You’re legitimately the most talented, kind, bright man I know. JG

You: I'll make it happen. LMM Oh, stop it. I wouldn't be where I am without the support of you, you mean the absolute world to me. LMM

Stranger: I knew I loved you for a reason ;) JG

Stranger: You’d be so great without me, you’ve got a team of hypemen, Burr I will always be the loudest. JG

You: Hell yeah you will. God, I can't wait to see your ridiculously cute face and smush it in my hands. LMM

Stranger: Oh, it’s ready to be smushed, hasn’t happened in far too long. JG

You: You got that right, I'm gonna smush you so hard. LMM Which, in hindsight, sounds incredibly inappropriate. LMM

Stranger: ... I’m not mad about it. JG

You: Me neither. Groffsauce so cuuuuute. LMM

Stranger: Why are all the best men tragically straight? Ugh. JG

You: Uh. LMM Yo. LMM You talking about me? LMM

Stranger: You, Daveed, every other straight guy in theatre. JG

You: Oh my god, this is priceless. LMM You think I'm straight? LMM

Stranger: ... ok, so I’m wrong, then. How wrong am I? JG

You: Super wrong. I'm super not straight. LMM

Stranger: The whole V thing threw me off. I mean the willingness to throw yourself at me should’ve been a clue but that was more wishful thinking. JG

You: Yeah, I guess the whole married to a woman thing does make me seem a bit straight. But I am a theatre kid, so... LMM Remember when I made that Heights promo with you in it? I had the biggest crush on you. LMM

Stranger: So you’re bi, or bi adjacent, then. That’s... wow. Ok, my worldview just shifted a little. JG

Stranger: I remember that so well, it was so damn entertaining and cute. I’ve been practically wrapped around your finger since. JG

You: Yeah, I just don't really care about gender, I'm just attracted to everyone, basically. LMM Thank god, because I wrote KG3 for you. LMM

Stranger: Yeah, yeah that makes so much more sense. Either way you were out of my reach. JG

Stranger: You did not — really?? Why didn’t you tell me that before? JG

You: I swear I've mentioned that before. You know, like I wrote GWash for Chris? You were in mind already when I was writing. LMM

Stranger: I know you wrote Washington for Chris, but also damn. I guess it just blows my mind every time I hear you say it?? JG

You: Well, yeah. I had a big ass gay crush on you at that point, so why wouldn't I try and rope you in to my project? LMM

Stranger: Well, fuck. How could I say no to you, Lin? It’s literally impossible. With those big, bright eyes and all of those words. JG

You: Ha, insert say no to this reference here. LMM You think my eyes are big and bright? Aww, shucks, ya making me blush! LMM

Stranger: You’ve got such doe eyes, and those lashes, Lin. I’d murder someone for lashes like that. But you’re incredibly handsome. JG

You: Don't do murder, that's bad. LMM [delay] Well, your uh, flight is booked! LMM

Stranger: I’m not going to murder... maybe. JG

Stranger: Oh, thank you! You really are too much. JG

You: I know, I know. Get told it on the daily. LMM I'll get a car to pick you up from the airport (not because I'm lazy but I don't fancy getting mobbed if I come meet you). LMM

Stranger: I don’t blame you not wanting to get mobbed. Am I going to be staying with you? JG

You: Of course. This is a big suite, it's got two bedrooms! LMM

Stranger: Then you’ll see me in the suite! We’ll have a lot of fun practicing your lines at all hours. JG

You: And staying up watching old movie musicals like we're at a slumber party. LMM

Stranger: Too bad I can’t braid your hair anymore. JG

You: You were always so good at that. LMM Face masks though...! LMM

Stranger: It’s the Pennsylvania Dutch in me. JG

Stranger: Face masks! And manicures. Bet your nail beds are a mess. JG

You: They are, you gotta sort them out. LMM Anyway, it's late, we should sleep. But I will see you at my crazy fancy suite. LMM

Stranger: I’ll fix ‘em up. But ok, yes. Sleep. I’ll see you in a handful of hours! JG

You: Lin definitely didn't sleep much that night, far too excited to see Jon the next day. He worked a little the next morning, keeping an eye on the flight tracker for Jon's plane so he knew when it arrived safe, and got a driver to go pick him up. So, the fame might have changed him a little, but it was worth it. He looked up when he heard the key card he'd had given to Jon at the front desk clicked in the door and got up, a huge grin on his face. "Hey! It's my favourite heartthrob!" He said, running over and practically jumping at the taller man to hug him.

Stranger: Jon definitely didn’t sleep until he was on the plane — thankfully he was one of the lucky ones who could conk out on flights — he was just too excited to see Lin. There were nerves festering in the pit of his stomach that he had long since thought dead. As if getting confirmation that Lin wasn’t straight changed anything between them. It did not, but he couldn’t get those damn butterflies to settle down as he keyed his way into the suite. He didn’t have a moment to even set his bags down before he had to drop one in order to huddle Lin against him so they didn’t topple over. He was laughing brightly, unable to help it, as he carelessly dropped the rest of this things to get both arms around the ball of energy. “Hello to you too, Lin! Let me get in here,” he said, still laughing. But it was easy to shuffle them a few steps into the suite so the door could close behind him. “Look at you,” Jon sighed, getting both hands up onto Lin’s shoulders. “You look so good, lithe. Like you have a whisper of abs.”

You: It was so crazy that Jon was here, and Lin could actually hug him, it was like a dream come true. He'd really needed someone or the next few weeks would have been unbearable. He beamed up at him as Jon looked at him, nothing but true, unfiltered happiness in his eyes. "I do! If I suck in and you squint!" He said, before hugging him again. "God, you've like, totally beefed out. Mindhunter really did a number on you, huh? Look at how in shape we both are, I'm so proud," he rambled on.

Stranger: “Beefed out, god yes please keep telling me that. They have me working out far too much for my liking, but if you like it then we’re good.” Jon couldn’t help but get a little lost in the sound of Lin’s voice and the bright spark in his eyes. He ducked a little so he could duck his head to Lin’s shoulder. “You look great, so great. A sight for sore eyes, that’s for sure. Pittsburgh is so dull especially because it doesn’t have your spark.”

You: Lin hugged him tight, pressing his face against Jon's hair for a moment. God, he smelled good. Focus. "Are we just gonna compliment each other for the whole week? Because I am so good with that!" He pulled away eventually and picked up a few of Jon's bags. "There we go, I'll show you to your room, kind sir," he put on his English accent that he now had perfected from Poppins. "Follow me!" He went off in the direction of the other bedroom next to his.

Stranger: Jon couldn’t stop laughing, the happiness just pouring out of him from being close to Lin again. “I could spend all damn day telling you how awesome you are.” Gathering up his other things, he trailed after Lin slowly, looking around the suite with open wonder. “Listen, if you don’t talk like that all day, I’m going to be so disappointed.” Tucking his bags into the closet in the bedroom, Jon tossed his keys and wallet onto dresser and immediately went to the window to get a look at the view. “This is actual paradise, I hope you know.”

You: Lin put his bags down on the bed before going to stand beside him at the window. "I know, right?" He sighed happily. "Mi pais es tan hermoso," he said fondly, before looking up at Jon. "That means, my country is so beautiful. Now, you gotta make a choice. Jack the lamplighter voice, or Puerto Rican Lin!" He joked, rolling his Rs in an exaggerated fashion.

Stranger: Jon reeled Lin into his side pretty easily, his arm settling around his shoulders. “I don’t honestly care which Lin I get because I still get you regardless. But now I know now why you love this island so much.” Leaning toward the window, as if that would get him closer to the view of the sea, Jon was beaming. “How is this place even real? I’ll have to go exploring.”

You: Lin leaned easily against him, fitting snugly against his body. Oh man, this was nice. "I'll have to take you on a tour," he promised, looking up at the wonder on Jon's face rather than the view. It was arguably more beautiful. Not arguably. Factually. "But I wanna just hang out with you first for a while. Order room service, maybe a bottle of champagne to celebrate..."

Stranger: This closeness was what he had missed the most about Lin — about how well they fit together and how warm Lin was. Turning his face to look at him, he was only a littler surprised to find Lin already looking at him. A slight blush overtook his face and he laughed quietly. “You can give me a tour tomorrow morning. I am so down for staying in and seeing champagne-happy Lin.”

You: "I am such a lightweight now, I hope you're prepared to handle me!" Lin grinned and pulled away from his side, only to grab his hand. He didn't want to be separated from him, and honestly, he was a little touch starved at present. He grabbed a menu that Jon could read over his shoulder, practically leaning back so Jon's chest was pressed against his back. Was it hot in there? "What are you feelin?" He asked, reading over the desserts. He had a sweet tooth.

Stranger: “I am well-versed in corralling drunk friends. Besides, you’re easy,” Jon winked overly dramatically and happily held onto Lin’s hand. The contact was beyond nice and he practically wrapped himself around Lin as they perused the menu. “I’m feeling being indulgent. No gym time, no strict diet. Just get a bunch to share?” His free hand settled idly over Lin’s hip, holding him close as if he was afraid Lin would just disappear.

You: Lin grinned when he felt Jon’s hand settling on to his hip, almost shivering at the contact. “Sounds perfect.” He pulled Jon over to the sofa where the phone was, sitting down, half in Jon’s lap as he reeled off a massive order of room service, a bottle of champagne, and he checked their mini bar was suitably stocked as well.

Stranger: Jon handled Lin into laying down on the couch beside him, his head landing in his lap. Not that it took too much convincing really. It was always easy to get Lin where he wanted him. There it was easier to run his fingers through his short hair. “This is going to be a great night, just you and me. Running lines for the play?” It was like they hadn’t spent weeks and months apart.

You: Lin grinned up at Jon when he put the phone down, gazing into his pretty eyes. “Oh yeah, just like the old days,” he said. “Aren’t you just so excited for the play? I wonder if they’ll make us stage kiss!” He put on a high school voice, bringing up their inside joke from years ago.

Stranger: Jon burst out laughing before getting himself under control. “God, what if they make us stage kiss in the play?” Jon whispered, though fighting not to giggle again. He failed. “It’s been a while since you kiss-bombed me.”

You: “I know! Oh, I miss my surprise kissing you for the internet,” Lin sighed happily. “I bet twitter misses it. I know I sure do!” He’d always made excuses before to kiss him, because he’d just always wanted to. Jon just thought it was a prank, before. Lin wished things were different.

Stranger: “You ever just want to kiss me just to kiss me?” Jon asked after a prolonged moment of silence. Looking down at Lin — bright eyed and so handsome — Jon didn’t even bother keeping his thoughts to himself. “I missed you, really. And I had been so convinced that I was living in some weird limbo with you being out of reach but not really out of reach now, are you?” He babbled a little, the words just sort of not stopping.

You: The tone changed and Lin’s expression softened, listening to Jon. “Maybe I was out of reach for a while,” he said quietly, his heart pounding hard in his chest. “But I’ve wanted to kiss you period for years,” he confessed.

Stranger: Pushing Lin’s hair away from his forehead, Jon just kept touching him idly. “You should do it, then, if you’d still like to. I’d like it a lot.” His hands were shaking even as he threaded his fingers through that soft, thick hair.

You: “Yeah?” Lin whispered, shivering as Jon touched him. “I think I’d like that too.” He leaned up from Jon’s lap (using his newfound abs), reaching up to put his hand on the side of his neck. He looked at him for just a moment, before leaning in and pressing their lips together.

Stranger: It was like Lin was moving in slow motion, Jon could hardly believe it. He shifted just enough to make it easier on Lin to kiss him. It was tentative and sweet and Jon’s heart was about to leap out of his chest and he was sure Lin could feel it. Curling his hand around the back of Lin’s head, Jon encouraged the kiss to deepen.

You: Lin closed his eyes as they kissed, just feeling how nice and sweet it was to be kissing him properly, and not for some prank. He made a quiet noise as it started to deepen, as full of noise as ever. He couldn’t keep quiet at any aspect of his life. He melted against Jon’s chest, allowing the kiss to deepen even further, pressing his tongue against the seam of Jon’s plump lips.

-- And then it got a little NSFW that I won’t post here -- 

[fmdjaewonarchive]

happy new year!

happy new years and a blessed 2018 to all of you!!! i may be a bit early for some, a bit late for other’s but as this should go up when the clock strikes 12 for me i decided it was fitting enough. i was going to keep this short and sweet but sorry guys, you’re going to have to bear with me getting sappy for a bit. i just want to say some things about what kind of year 2017 has been for me (warning: there is some triggering stuff, i marked it p obviously in the post but just take care yeah) and what kind of part all of you have played in my life the past few months.

as cliché as it is (i feel like i say this every year) but 2017 may have been my wildest year yet. i’ve experienced a great many things from really good to really bad that i can barely believe it all fit in one year and throughout all of it famed has really been a constant presence for me. for someone who claims to not like to talk about it this is my 3rd time around here since famed’s opening (shoutout to beth for putting up with my indecisive ass ily mom) and looking back on it, famed has always been a place i was drawn to when i was going through my better times and then things would get worse and i’d fall out of touch again.

early 2017 was really good to me, i finally found a group of friends i felt i really fit in with the first time in ever, i wasn’t just the girl that stuck around but i was actually part of something and that felt glorious. i was nearing the end of my high school career (me, a small bub) and i got back into rp’ing after losing my last group of rp friends i was incredibly close with. basically, i had my shit together.

and then i found this place and i immediately fell in love with everyone here.

sadly enough it didn’t last for too long, early may rolled around, i was preparing for my final exams (more so hating myself for not being able to focus on my final exams) with the end of high school nearing my friend group was at its hinges because all of us were set to go study elsewhere and i just wasn’t in a good place. i dropped out of famed for the first time to focus on my exams because i really didn’t have the energy to do anything else.

———tw: toxic friendships, threatened self harm/suicide, panic attacks———

my finals went by, i passed all of them with better grades then i could have dreamed off and i had a grand 4 months of summer break ahead of me so i should be getting back on track right? but i didn’t, those months summer break were the hardest part of my year. i have this friend in my life, well, friend is a big word because for the last 4 to 5 years she’s been making my life a living hell. really, i can’t even properly get into the amount of shit she put me through. she lied to me about what people/my friends would say about me to isolate me, she constantly put me down to make herself look better, she crushed any self-esteem i had, she was possessive/clingy and whenever i so much would speak up about anything or try to take some space for myself she would pick fights with me. she was so awfully manipulative she’d always make me look like the bad guy in every situation and if that didn’t work she’d just threaten to harm or even kill herself and tell me it be my fault if she did. whenever we fought it would always end up with me suffering panic attacks with how upset and frustrated i was with the situation. i was absolutely suffocated, i had been for years already but i grew to resend myself for letting her, for knowing what she was doing and not stopping her, i felt so weak and cowardly. but i had no idea how i was supposed to get rid of her, our lives were so tangled up i rarely was without her and i didn’t know how to take a step away without it being obvious. we went to school together, during summer break i worked for her parents’ company 3 to 4 days a week, we’d spend weekends together. she withheld me from many things in my life, crushed my self esteem and basically learned me to forget what a healthy friendship looked like and i told myself to just hold on until the end of the summer, i’d move away for uni and i’d just let our ‘friendship’ bleed out because i knew cutting her out of my life would result in the worst fight we ever had. 

and for a while i looked forward to that, i came back to famed and i felt at least stable for a bit, not happy, but stable. but then the pressure at work increased, i was given tasks i was nowhere near qualified for, asked to work far more hours and the situations around the office declined for me and all my co-workers as our bosses/her parent’s grew more and more stressed. i spend my days either crying by myself in the office or trying to get through my workload and when i had days off i was just too exhausted to force myself to do anything. so i dropped out again.

i just started doing worse and worse, work was driving me mad, on my free days my ‘friend’ still constantly forced me to spend time with her even if i didn’t even want to leave my house, my friendgroup was magically keeping together just without me and the closer i came to moving out for uni the more i became overwhelmed with the idea of going to study and living by myself, i felt unprepared, like i wanted to be in a place in my life i wasn’t anywhere near in reality.

————————————ok back to the better stuff————————————

but time kept going as it always does and september came around. i moved to belgium (wow, me, a whole international student cough 1 hour over the dutch border cough) and enrolled as a psychology student. the first week i was dead anxious, i didn’t know anyone, i was still overwhelmed with the crippling fear that i was nowhere near intelligent enough for any of this. but it faded and soon, i grew to love being in my dorm more than being back home (i travel back and forth every weekend)

going to uni was the best decision i ever made, after the initial fear settled i realised how much i love my studies, i found an amazing friend group who have been more than welcoming and taking care of me and generally i noticed i was happier than i ever felt. 

being that happy however made me realize how much the past years had messed me up, how difficult it was to accept that i could have friends this good for me, that i was actually wanted and didn’t take up space and time and attention i shouldn’t be and then some pretty awful things happened back home (that i won’t get into for now) and i fell out of it a bit again, i grew to hate being home i loathed traveling back and forth every weekend (i still do) but i also didn’t have the heart to tell my parents that. i started doing worse again, i let my insecurities get the best of me and began to worry when my new friends would get tired of me. that if i would be too loud or too out there they’d just get annoyed and ditch me. 

it took me a lot to drag myself out of that but i did (most of the time at least, i’m still working on it these days) but i was working on myself, on my self-esteem issues, on my constant social anxieties and then i just felt the pull to get back into writing again. the one place i immediately thought of was famed.

so i came back and met the most of you for the first time around and admittedly a part of me was scared i’d just fall through again, that i wouldn’t fit as well as i hoped or that i’d get discouraged again but from the very first second, all of you were the most welcoming people both ic and ooc, like always, joining this group felt a bit like coming home, i suppose that’s why i always felt so drawn to it.

it’s hard to imagine i’ve only known the most of you for about 2 to 3 months by now because as much fun as i’ve had so far writing and developing my muses, it’s not the most important part of my time here. i got to know all of you, spend my free time talking to you which has given me so many nice memories. and not just the happy times i may not be able to count the times i’ve doubled over in laughter thanks to you guys but i also found unconditional support. whenever i’m just slightly having an off day or anything all of you are the most understanding, most caring people ever and i’ve been so blessed to have you all to fall back on when needed.

so long story short, thank you, every single one of you, for making my 2017 brighter and safer, to provide me with warmth and care i haven’t found yet outside of this group. i’m eternally grateful that i got to meet all of you and be part of this amazing family. i love all of you very much and can only wish for us to stick together in 2018 as well, let’s please keep this up for another year so i can make another gross, sentimental post next new year’s eve.

thank you and i love you all.

[ellicttsc-blog]

hello friends!! uh... listen, so uh... so i’m fckin awful at intros, but we’re gonna try this!! i’m b, and i’m from the est where the night as gotten suddenly very late which is very unfortunate aNYWAY... i’m very excited to be here, and let’s.... dive into leo~!! who i definitely named bc i just finished the punisher and i love this name

A BRIDGET SATTERLEE LOOKALIKE WAS STROLLING DOWN BROADWAY STREET IN THEIR JORDANS. ELLIOT "LEO" CONNELLY JUST HAD A BIRTHDAY BASH FOR HER TWENTY-FIRST BIRTHDAY. SHE HAS BEEN LIVING IN NEW YORK CITY FOR FIFTEEN YEARS. I HEAR SHE TENDS TO BE UNABASHED AT PARTIES, BUT ALSO KIND OF ARDENT. ( CISFEMALE & SHE/HER ) [ B, 19, EST & SHE/HER ]

backstory: 

leo was born in england to relatively well off parents. she grew up with two brothers, living in the countryside, never wearing shoes probably, and running wild. she was a handful as a child and .... still is sometimes!! but when she was little the energy was a bit too much. luckily mama connelly was Smart™ and found something leo loved that she could channel all of her energy into, and that was dance!

when she was six, her father–– an author–– got picked up by a big publishing house in america and the fambam moved to new york city, as it is a massive city for publishing. it was an adjustment to say the least, harder for her brothers, but leo got used to it. she’s fairly... adaptable. and she honestly didn’t mind her new city. she felt like eloise at the plaza only... not at... the plaza... anyway!!

each of the connelly kiddos were good at their own things. her eldest brother was a genius of some sort. the middle brother was a star on the soccer field. leo had dance, ballet to be more specific. it was wild to people, even as she grew older, that someone so rambunctious could be so dedicated and so... good... at something so disciplined. but mama and papa connelly just smiled and supported her. she wasn’t very good at school, smart but too fidgety and distracted for a classroom, but she excelled wildly in a pair of pointe shoes.

by the time she was a junior in high school, leo was... exhausted. she’s lively, so her social life was fairly active. school took up a lot of her time. dance took up the most. combined with attempting to main solid mental health and a steady sleep schedule was.... difficult to say the least, so she sat down and talked with her parents, deciding that she had to cut something out. naturally, school was her choice. (listen leo hated school sm ok).... so they agreed that if she auditioned and got in, she would be allowed to cut the school bit out and study just dance. she pushed herself harder than every and ultimately got into *sharpay evans vc* julliard!!

things were really really good for a while! school was great. social life was great. family was great.... until they weren’t. her senior year of hs, her parents divorced in a nasty split, an affair ripping the house in two. three short years later, just after leo turned twenty her mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness. it was a struggle for leo, as they hadn’t spoken since the divorce, but she’s.... working with it as best as she can.

ANYWAY currently, leo dances as a soloist with american ballet theatre and she’s... working her ass off to become a principal dancer. she still loves it more than anything in the world. she’s... obsessed to say the least.

personality:

she’s super passionate about... life in general. ballet is obviously... first and foremost on her list but she kind of?? loves life? or tries to. when she’s able to, she likes to travel to places that are quieter than new york city and reminiscent of her childhood because she really loves nature. she loves the feeling of smallness when you stand next to the ocean.

firm believer in treating others how they treat you. she’s... rather optimistic even though that’s been tested in recent years so she likes to assume the best of people, but when you burn her don’t expect her to allow it to fly without repercussions. she genuinely enjoys making people happy, but if you’re out her making her sad,.... she’s... not about to be kind to you just because. 

unabashed!! oh this poor girl’s family.... the people who are close to her... the things they have to deal with. she has no shame. zero. she just.... exists in a very genuine way and is sometimes a little too unapologetic. she’s not afraid to say what’s on her mind which... doesn’t always end well.

that being said, she’ll blurt out whatever she’s thinking to a certain extent. when it comes to deeper feelings, some of the uglier ones, she likes to kinda keep them to herself. she’s... a lil bit of a control freak so vulnerability isn’t her thing. unfortunately this makes for very shallow relationships, even more so since her parents split. she just doesn’t always say how she’s feeling.

loves being outdoors and being active, still loves new york city but wouldn’t... hate moving back to england to dance w the royal ballet man oh man what a dream

she is constantly in awe of other people and their talents especially if they can sing. if she could sing, she’d be on broadway no doubt. with her personality and musicality.... and being able to carry a note?? she’d be a walking showtune. but she can’t sing for shit!!

loves old movies and used books and dressing like she’s still in 1993

has a dog named apollo who is ... her son. and she takes her motherly role very seriously

can’t hold her alcohol but loves to drink it

born on hell night aka october 30th

i think that’s it????

ANYWAY THAT’S.... leo... i’m still trying to work out her kinks and i hope to develop more... flaws and perks to her character bc that’s my fave part about rping tbh i love development. ok!! so!! like this or hmu for plotting bc i have a world of ideas and I’M SO EXCITED TO RP W YOU GUYSSSSSS

[officialpittacuslore]

Why do you ship Jadam? I'm not asking this in like a mean way, I'm just curious. Sorry if it sounds mean. But yeah.

You’re one of the far tamer anons I’ve gotten about Jadam, Anon, do not fret! I keep getting told I’m wasting my time and reaching to be a special snowflake on sarahah from all of my compulsive heterosexual Instagram followers, lmao

Really, it’s the developing relationship between John and Adam’s characters that I sort of slept on in the wake of other ships that really pulled me in hardcore? An RP a few friends and I run really started the while analyzing process tbh. Like, for example, Stohn is rough and tumble, it’s a strong trust ship built over several trials and errors and has these two sort of opposite personalities learning to fight together and be equal to each other instead of be a leader and a second in command and then Adive is like these two lost souls learning to love themselves after everything they’ve endured as well as each other after coming together over their paralleled means.

Jadam is one of the most open and communicative ships I’ve considered tbh, it’s softer and gentler than y'all’s average MLM ship, it’s a lot of bantering, playful humor and late night conversations over things that only they can talk to one another about. Like John and Adam? Relationship or not, these two have an understanding of the other ones’ story that the rest of the Garde and their other shared friends won’t understand. These two were drawing ever closer in general since they first initially met at the end of Fall of Five, they’ve always been up front and bone brittle honest with each other about the little things and the deeper ones.

In United As One, Adam is one of three characters who(though yes he does ask John if he’s ok but also *knows* it’s a dumb question as soon as he asks it)doesn’t completely blank or shut out on John’s darker changes, he understands them. The only other characters who don’t ask and don’t press it are Nine and Five, the two who both sort of crave or currently live in chaos. Sam is John’s best friend and he honestly doesn’t really… do much for John when he loses Sarah, UAO really focuses Sam on his relationship more so.

John couldn’t fall sleep no matter how exhausted he was alone but he collapsed in seconds next to Adam.

John literally argues with Adam over his choice to stay in the Arctic with the other Mogadorians but tries to understand it. He goes out of his way to make sure Adam is comfortable and at his best, always. John’s first concern when Adam struck the General was if he was ok with killing his own father, even after Adam was so open about his hatred for the abusive asshole. Not to forget John makes an extra ass scene in front of Lawson because of what happened to Adam at the military base.

They’re just. They’re good shit. I know one reason I keep get rudely asked about Jadam(again Anon, not you but others from Insta mainly) is there’s a wing of this fandom that’s so hellbent on Oadam and the straight canon ships(though the Jarah defenders didn’t come up until Jadam surfaced a few weeks ago so I’m guessing it’s more Oadam drama using John’s relationship with Sarah as nothing more than a reason to refute any and all LGBT ships so, you know, nice bi, demi, and pan erasure, you fucking assholes) that the mere idea that anyone in your ship can be paired with someone else is like poisonous and they want content for their ship and honestly that’s why people stop making content. I also never liked the idea of “since half of my ship is dead and actually can never come back, I guess the other person can never love again” that this fandom does with Adam and Marina, lol. Like. That’s cruel and unusual but it’s one of the negative aspects in all around fandom culture.

I also never was super into Oadam? I like never read Adam’s novellas either though, Knave is pushing me to do so trust me. I just got more into Oadam by reading fanfics and seeing the edits and work for it, but in the main timeline I never really… got a ‘straight’ picture about Adam either. Not entirely gay but definitely not dead set vagina only. I liked Adive way more when it surfaced, Adarina and Adix are both good options too, and I was open to the idea of Nadam when Knave tried that out, but never heavily Oadam. Like, I felt like especially then, the ship of Adam and One was put on this pedestal by the fandom with Navrina so high that I stopped paying attention to it unless one of my friends made something for it. Like I’ve never been a Navrina super fan either, just casual for it.

I ship based off chemistry completely, not gender because that’s glorifying the sexualization of LGBT people and that is FUCKED, and I’ve never personally read any of Oadam’s chemistry in its source material; now, granted, Adive has no in book chemistry and that one is more of a theory based chemistry ship versus context one. Nadam had some playfully bickering but not a whole lot extra to go off of.

Now, Jadam does have something going for it.

Jadam has crazy chemistry but it’s constructed way differently than the ships that have to have fire and ice to survive.

I’m so sorry this is long omg, a lot of thoughts on ships here in this head of mine apparently!

[honeycut-a-blog]

OOC GUIDE!

NAME: marina GENDER: cis female EYE COLOUR: dark brown HAIR COLOR: black RELATIONSHIP:  yes! i live with the love of my life, my beautiful gf i’ve been dating for the past 4 (5 in december!) years. she’s my best friend and i could go on for ages about her and how happy she makes me but uhhhh we actually met through homestuck rp back in 2012, can you believe that shit??  ZODIAC: capricorn. but like, a really stressed one that doesn’t have any control over anything and is kinda okay with it. i’ve also had someone in the past straight up tell me “i thought you were gonna be shitty cuz ur a capricorn but turns out ur ok”, so like, don’t be that weird person.

FAVOURITE COLOUR: black. i own a ton of black. but i also like dark red a lot.  FAVOURITE SEASON: fall FAVOURITE FLOWER: i ... like flowers that look cool to touch i guess. i dunno. i can’t be trusted with flowers. my intrusive thoughts immediately tell me to eat them whenever i see one FAVOURITE PLACE: the pumpkin patch!!! haven’t been to one in a long-ass time but i feel really good when i’m there. FAVOURITE HOLIDAY: halloween FAVOURITE VIDEO GAME: KH 358/2 days ... and animal crossing.  FAVOURITE BOOK: i really like the promise falls series by linwood barclay. LAST SHOW YOU WATCHED: iron chef showdown ( alton why are you bald ) ( BALD-TON? ) but before that, i just got done binge watching all of stranger things!

WHAT’S YOUR HONEST OPINION ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i think it’s really easy to say that i like her a lot. i mean, you can see that pretty clearly with any muse anybody writes. i’m always looking for ways to develop her, and i really focus hard on trying to portray just how flawed she is   ---   you know, beyond the whole “distant jaded hero” thing that i don’t think is actually a real flaw.

hawke’s got a lot of personality weaknesses, way more than strengths, and i want to make it hard for her to be genuinely liked, because she’s such an asshole and not in a way that’s entirely charming. i want people to feel comfortable having their muses get irritated with her and express that with her if they feel the need to. hawke is definitely an intentional button-pusher with very little censorship and i want that to bug people. i really like writing like that, i really like working with her and trying to understand why she is the way she is; how her story and her trauma would shape her, how it effects the little things, the day-to-day things. i’m trying to do all that while also trying to let her heal and not entirely cut herself off from people; because she doesn’t want to be cut off, not deep down. but with the way things are, it’s kind of like she’s setting herself up for failure all the time while also being completely controlling over every situation as to prevent that. 

so, overall, i think she’s a very hot mess, and not just because she was sort of thrust into a very harsh world; she’s a victim of bad circumstances, yeah, but that doesn’t mean she has to be the way that she currently is. she let herself fall to those tragedies repeatedly and still lets the past heavily effect her, which shows that she’s not nearly as strong as people think her to be, if at all. i think she’s got the potential to be a really good person, because she’s got a good heart, but she needs to scrub off her baggage and learn to open up more. 

WOULD YOU DATE YOUR MUSE?: probably not. i mean, hawke is a beautiful woman and a total catch in the sheets, but like i said, her personality is just way too much and would be too exhausting / overwhelming for me. she would make me constantly nervous. i’m also not a patient person, and if people don’t treat me right from the beginning, i don’t waste my time. it takes a lot of working with hawke before she shows that sweeter, more doting side, and i just wouldn’t have the temperament to get that far.  

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE KINDS OF THREADS?: anything that’s plotted out, and anything that isn’t your typical run-of-the-mill starter scenario. i like drama, i like angst. i like anything that will give me a chance to bring out the anger in hawke, or at least get to show her humanity and how she reacts to a disadvantage, or a personal failure, or anyone calling her out, because she’s very dry-humored and mellow most of the time ... so anything that can actually get under her skin is well worth it and makes me excited to write about!

oh, and i’m also a huge sucker for sexy shit too.

ARE YOU A SELECTIVE ROLEPLAYER?: yeah. i care about your writing first and foremost, but i also get picky with oc’s (inquisitors and wardens included) who have no info pages on their muses, or like ... muses who are kind of a carbon copy of one another, you know, the ones where you just feel like you’re following the same character over and over again. 

DO YOU HAVE A FAVOURITE MUSE (IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN ONE)?: HMMM ... i really liked this one oc i had who was a lazy, unkempt genius and musical prodigy. he had the mutant power of being able to stop time, which he used mostly for taking naps before he had to go to his part-time job. he was in his late 20s, but because he stopped time so much, it added up and he was actually a few years older. he was also pretty depressed and didn’t really have a future, nor did he really want one. i never actually got to write him, though  ---  i’d only set up the blog with very little info on him before the drama kicked off and i was turned off from him for a long time. 

WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO JOIN THE FANDOM?:  my gf, as always. she’s gotten me into the past 3 fandoms i’ve been in because we always do things together, or if she’s into something that i’m not, then i try to brush up on it so we can share that together. she got me into dragon age and i started with inquisition. she then said DA2 was her favorite because she loves anders, and i played it, starting off as a male hawke the first few times   ---   when it came time to make a blog, i actually couldn’t decide if i wanted to rp as garrett or marian hawke. i knew in my heart that i loved the idea of marian a lot more, and i would be way more into writing her and developing her, but i also knew that ... you know ... sexism, and that garrett would be a lot more of a hit with the community and the well would probably never run dry. i stuck with my gut and picked up marian, and y’know, it hasn’t been the best, and there’s still a lot of characters or situations i’ve completely missed out on or haven’t gotten to write out yet because things are slower with female muses. people are a lot less interested in them.

but i also kind of don’t regret it ... cuz i love her a lot and she’s really helped me broaden my horizons with what tropes are usually associated with women, how to defy / go beyond those, and overall how to deal with writing a retired hero not-so-typically. so! worth it. 

DO YOU SEE YOURSELF STAYING WITH THE FANDOM FOR A LONG TIME?: i wanna say yes, because i love writing hawke and i love meeting new people and i love writing hawke meeting new people, but, y’know. hard to say for now. been here over a year already, so... possibly!

TAGGING: anyone who wants to. :*