#(obligatory two nickels joke)

[septembersung]

Why are there so many songs about rainbows?

Because

[purpleponder]

If I had a nickel every time Kaitou Joker gets a magical girl au, I would have 2 nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened twice.

[lemonwhorror]

insert obligatory "if i had a nickel for every time my favorite character on an amazon original tv show was a snake demon, I'd have two nickels. which isnt a lot but it's weird that it happened twice." joke here

[cosmic-kinglet]

I'm literally only a minute and a half into the video, but I need to make the obligatory joke.

If I had a nickel for every time the computer was messed with by someone at least connected with the name Eclipse, I'd have two nickels. It isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

[lokislastlove]

Come One, Come All (dark!Loki x reader)

Summary: A girls night out to the fair takes an insidious turn.

Warnings: Noncon/Rape, knife play, oral (m&f), smut, bondage, kidnapping.

This is a dark fic! 18+ ONLY! Explicit Adult content. Please READ THE WARNINGS! Do not continue if these matters upset you!

Authors Note: I wrote another one! No idea where this came from, but it was fun to write. Still working on improving my smut, huge thanks to @darkficsyouneveraskedfor for some tips and editing the shit out of it. 😘 also I know there is a creepy clown in the pic but I feel like I have to say there aren’t any clowns in the fic. I hate clowns.

Chapter 1:

It was the kind of summer night you dream about, warm enough to keep you comfortable in your shorts and peasant top, but with a light breeze that keeps you cool enough to fight the flush of alcohol in your veins. You look forward to these moments when you are able to go out with your girlfriends and let loose, forgetting about all life’s responsibilities, if just for a single night.

“Come on!” Ash calls over her shoulder, her hand tight around your wrist pulling you impatiently.

“Aww but that looks so good” you groan as you press your face longingly against the glass barrier of the hand dipped corn dog cart.

The sweet scent of the frying corn dough wafts tantalizingly through the air making your mouth water. You friends laugh at your theatrics, having just helped you scarf down a large sugary funnel cake and a platter of nachos, the evidence of which still stains the corner of your mouth. Really, it was their fault for getting you tipsy before taking you to the county fair, everything just smelled heavenly and if you could you would try one of everything.

“Just a slushee?!” You beg as Jen steps behind you and pushes you out of the food court, giggling the entire time.

“Come on, fight the drunchies! You promised you would try that new funhouse,” Jen whines, looping her arm through yours, Ash doing the same on the other side.

“Oh yeah,” you grumble.

“Oh stop it” Ash scolds playfully. “Everyone at work keeps talking about it - it’s like a mini escape room! And I’ve always wanted to do one, please.” She rants excitedly before giving you her best puppy dog eyes.

“Ugh that’s cheating. No one can resist those big brown eyes” you pout, but yield as easily as they knew you would.

“I know” Ash smirks, tossing back her long silky black hair over her slender shoulder.

“This is gonna be so much fun, I promise” Jen bumps your hip, giving you a wide encouraging smile.

You manage a strained grin as you let them lead you through the crowd. It’s not that you don’t like funhouses or the idea of doing an escape room, having always loved solving riddles and doing puzzles. It’s just you don’t like clowns, and every funhouse in your experience has at least one.

“Oh damn there’s a line!” Jen moans as you all stop in front of a large structure covered in flashing lights, the ominous ‘Tricksters Trap’ bathing your face in a violent red glow.

Garish contrasting colors somehow both attract your eye and make it hard to look at. Your pupils dilate with the lines of fluorescent bulbs burning into your retinas. The stereotypical circus music blares through the cheap speakers, reminding you of one of those old Jack in the box toys. And of course, without fail, was the obligatory clown statue hanging over the entrance, like some creepy sentinel there to guide you to your inevitable demise.

“Ugh fucking clowns” you grimace as you pass by the entrance, heading toward the end of the line.

“Yeah they definitely nailed the creep factor,” Jen agrees, her eyes shining with nervous excitement.

“I know isn’t it great?!” Ash squeals.

You stand there taking in the horrific detailing painted on the side of the metal structure. You are thankful when Ash explains there is a time limit, only ten minutes to complete the puzzle or else they kick you out and you have to try again. If you figure out the puzzle you get to leave through the mirror maze and you earn the coveted “I tricked the Trickster” sticker.

“Gotta get that sticker, or else that bitch Katie at work will never let me forget that she got one and I didn’t” Ash complains, causing you and Jen to share a look and snicker.

“Hey! Don’t laugh, this is serious! We gotta be smart and figure this out, failure is not an option” she urges dramatically before collapsing into drunken giggles with you and Jen.

“You ladies seem eager to prove yourselves,” slithers a low voice.

Startled you gasp and spin around quickly. The three of you look up at the tall lean figure standing behind you. He wears a perfectly tailored black ensemble, that matches the color of his slicked back hair. His eyes practically glow green against his alabaster complexion. His sharp cheekbones and angular jaw make your breath hitch, causing his thin lips to curve into a sinister smirk. He is stunning.

“Um, yeah. Well this place has the whole town buzzin’. Seems like everyone is talking about it” Jen is the first to speak.

“Ah I see. Wouldn’t want to miss your chance to take a stab at it” the mysterious man surmised, eyes focused on you.

“We got this shit. Right guys?” Ash assures him as she playfully smacks you and Jen.

“Well, I guess we’ll find out. Good luck,” he challenges with a raise of a brow.

You stare after him as he saunters away without another word. His hips and shoulders sway smoothly, his soft footsteps giving him a dangerous almost feline vibe, like he could rival even the most deadly of predators. As he turns to round the corner of the ride he takes one last look over his shoulder at you. Your eyes lock for only a fraction of a second but it’s enough to send a chill down your spine.

“That was weird, right?” You mutter, eyes still transfixed where he disappeared.

“Eh, just another creepy dude. If I had a nickel for every weirdo who tries to chat me up…” Jen jokes.

“You’d have like a whole 50 cents,” sasses Ash.

You are finally broken from your daze when Ash is pushed into you. You laugh and try to brush off the lingering effect of the handsome stranger, shifting your focus back to your friends. The line goes by quicker than expected, with only one group out of the three ahead of you making it out with stickers. The losing groups return to the line from a back door, bickering about where they went wrong.

Finally it is your turn. Ash claps her hands excitedly, dancing up the metal stairs to the costumed man at the entrance. His red and white stripped suit is expertly torn and painted with fake blood to make him look as intimidating as possible. With a tip of his top hat he welcomes the three of you and begins to explain the rules in his well practiced accent.

“Come one come all to the Tricksters Trap, if you’re feeling lost, just go find the map.” He sings with flair and a perfectly timed bow, directing you to the inauspicious black door.

Taking a deep breath you follow your squealing friends into the darkened hallway. Pausing to look back as the door creaks shut, cutting off the jovial sounds of laughter and chatter with a sudden slam. You flinch at the loud noise and turn back to the dim hallway. The short corridor is lined with wall to wall green velvet curtains barely visible with the green rope lights running along the ceiling.

“Guys?” You whisper when you don’t see them next to you, causing your heart rate to quicken

You call for them again, this time louder, your feet unwilling to move from the spot. It has only been thirty seconds and you are already about to call it quits. Get a grip. You take a hesitant step forward.

“You guys?!” You call shakily.

“Hey! Come on we found the map!” Jen pokes her head from around the corner at the end of the hall.

She disappears just as quickly, waving her arm for you to follow. You breathe a sigh of relief and rush after her. You enter a large room filled with all sorts of random objects. It’s as if it is designed to overload your senses. The green from the hall carried on into the room, more velvet green curtains hung on the walls that were not obstructed by shelves of books or other oddities. You saw everything from perfectly aligned glass jars filled with alien looking creatures, grandfather clocks, to treasure chests overflowing with grizzled toys.

Jen and Ash are hunched over a table with a map spread out smoothly. It was easy enough to see it was a map of the room and hallway, with what appeared to be three small rooms hidden along the wall behind the heavy green drapery. You go over and pull back a curtain and find a locked door, the other two also hiding a locked door.

“Ok so it looks like we gotta find a way to open these doors” you offer, your anxiety calming a bit as you focus on the mystery at hand.

“Hey look there is some sort of code over here by the lock on the door.” Ash hollers excitedly.

You each pick a door code and frantically search the room. It doesn’t take long for you to figure out you need to use the books on the large shelf along one wall. The first number tells you the book the second refers to a specific page. You find a slip of paper in the book with a riddle written in a blood red ink.

“I make two people out of one” You read aloud.

“You can hold me in one hand, but I’m used to fill the room” Ash reads hers, her face twisting in concentration.

You both look to Jen, “I have two hands, but I can’t clap.”

“Damn no wonder so many people failed, definitely wish I wasn’t drunk right now” Ash laughs.

“No no we can do this, it’s probably items in the room so let’s just focus. We’ll do one at a time.” You assert, pacing the room and trying to take in all the random objects.

“Two hands…” you mutter as you stop in front of a large grandfather clock. “Clocks have hands!” You yell excitedly and open the narrow door.

The heavy pendulums swing inside and you see a shining silver glint off the rounded golden end. You pull off the small silver key, stuck on by a tiny magnet, and jump in excitement.

“Holy crap! You’re a genius!” Jen exclaims running over to take the key and try it in the door.

The key slides in smoothly and the door opens with a gratifying click.

“Woo! Keep going, you are on a roll!” Ash claps as she cheers you on.

“Ok, ok” you giggle before taking a deep breath. “Two people out of one… maybe a camera? Or wait…” you realize as you stare at Ash currently checking her makeup in an antique mirror hung between two curtains.

“Ash! Try pulling on that mirror!” You yell pointing frantically at the mirror in front of her.

Her brows knit together briefly before understanding, grabbing the frame and tugging gently until it swings open, revealing a key hung on the wall.

“Yes!” You all shriek together.

Suddenly, the lights flicker and a loud maniacal cackle reverberates through the surround sound speaker, turning your elation into yelps of surprise.

“Two minutes left” a familiar polished voice echoes forebodingly throughout the room.

“Shit, that scared the crap out of me” Jen laughs clutching at her chest.

The warning gives you pause, managing to shift the spirit of the whole room. Ash giggles nervously as she watches the lights of the room transition from their previous dim yellow light to a menacing red hue. The mood lighting in addition to the increasing volume of the horror soundtrack playing over the speaker helps to put you back into your initial anxious state.

“Seriously? Is this fucking necessary?” You curse, shaking your head.

“Ok let’s get the last one guys! We can still do this!” Jen yells through the cacophony of sound effects.

“Yeah what can we fit in our hand but somehow also fills the room?” Ash reiterated the final riddle.

“These red lights make it so much harder to see” Jen complains bitterly as she rummages through the items inside a large chest.

“Lights… Jen that’s it! A lightbulb!” A smile breaks out on your face as you figure out the final clue.

“Look up there!” Ash points to a solitary darkened light bulb screwed into the ceiling.

“I got it.” Jen jumps onto the table and reaches up, unscrewing it quickly. “There is a key inside!” She shouts.

She unscrews the bottom of the fake lightbulb and received the key before handing it to Ash. Each of you run over to the corresponding doors and turn the key, squealing in delight when they all slide open.

“Is that it?” Jen asks looking into the cramped dark space behind the door.

It was little more than a closet. Barely enough room for each of you to stand in. You were at a loss. You could have sworn that would be the end.

“Guys there is a lever here on the back wall of mine, how about yours?” Ash’s muffled voice calls from inside her closet.

“Oh yeah mine too!” Jen replies.

“Do you think we have to pull them at the same time? ‘Cus mine did nothing when I tried it” Ash says poking her head out to look at you.

“Thirty seconds!” That haunting voice booms again as a tick clock sounds through the speakers, counting down your final moments.

“Ok let’s try it together!” You nod at both of them, before stepping into the tight dark space.

“THREE! TWO! ONE!” You shout, mirroring your friends calls, pulling down your lever with a snap.

There is a moment of silence as the lights of the room behind you suddenly go dark, the music and sound effects cutting off instantly.

“Did we get it?!” You yell.

You don’t get the chance to hear your friends response as the wood door slams behind you, locking you into the small space.

Tags: @darkficsyouneveraskedfor @caffiend-queen

[fountainpenguin]

Did you know that Youngblood was played by Taylor Lautner - a.k.a. Jacob Black, the werewolf from the TWILIGHT SAGA?!

Yep! I looked it up.

There’s a joke in the next part of “No Anesthetic” where Y.B. and Sitarist talk accents and make the obligatory voice actor joke. It’ll be several months before it’s up (since “No Anesthetic” is on hiatus for now, but I really wanted to get one chapter done because it would have bothered me otherwise), so I’ll pull up a nice chunk. It’s very much a rough draft in this stage, but I’m kind of liking it.

I grew up in Georgia so that’s a direct reference because IF I HAD NICKELS

“I can catch lobsters too, with the right traps. I’m from Maine.”

“That the case? You don’t sound like you’re from Maine. I’d have guessed Michigan.”

“Well, what did you think Mainers sound like?”

“Heavy on the ‘ayuh’s and sharp on the ‘ing’s.”

With a shake of his head, Sorrel plops down on the rock beside me. “I say ‘ayuh’ sometimes, but I read a lot of books, and if there’s a Mainer in it, the author usually milks it too much. Me, I grew up there, so it pops out when it feels right but I don’t think about it a lot.”

“I shouldn’t judge,” I say as an afterthought. “Before I ended up in the Ghost Zone, I grew up in Georgia.”

“Heh. You don’t sound very Southern, so I never would have thought that. Let me guess: ‘Nobody actually talks like that’ there?”

I roll my eyes. “Oh, you have no idea. In all my years, I think I met one. Maybe two.”

Sorrel nods, briefly going cross-eyed with concentration. “I guess we shouldn’t say nobody talks like that, but people also shouldn’t assume everyone talks like that. Every place is a big place with many people, so each person talks a little different from someone else, and we should all just say ‘Okay’ and live our lives, ayuh.” Then he freezes and looks at me. I hope he doesn’t notice the smile behind my paws.

“I’ll let that one slide. But if you say ‘different from’ instead of ‘differently than’ again, we’re going to have a lengthy talk about your grammar.”

“Geesh, I’m only eight.”

My smile fades. “Yes, and get used to that. Since you were born in the Living Realm instead of this world, you’ll be this age forever, unless you think you can be the first to uncover the Elsewhereness.”

“Oh.” He scratches his chin. “In that case, I want you to know I’m actually eight and a half, so technically almost nine, and since it’s above five, you could round it to ten.”

“I’ll make it a note,” I reply through a yawn. “Give it a few decades and you might lose the accent and take after mine. I’ve heard it’s during your teenage years that the speech patterns really set in.”

“Take after yours?”

There’s an awkward silence for at least thirty seconds, and I spend all of it mentally cursing myself for letting that slip out of me. “The Ghost Zone is a melting pot of cultures and time periods,” I correct myself. “You’ll meet many interesting sorts here, and they all begin rubbing off on you after a time. For example, what decade was it when you last remember being alive?”

“Decade? Uh, the 1960s.”

“Curious. We have ghosts drifting about from the 1990s, 2010s, 2017s- Oh, those fellows have interesting stories to tell. A good friend of mine from… I want to say the late 1800s has been stuck on an admittedly hotsy-totsy tomato” - for a human - “who recently arrived here from the 1980s, actually. Not that she’s noticed him yet, and frankly I doubt she ever will. If they ever do get pinned, remind me that I owe you a handful of [_unnamed ghost currency]. You’ll have to meet him one of these days. He’s a real… cool cat.” They could have long talks about their hair and/or fur colors changing from red to green upon passing into the Ghost Zone… I could curl up in front of his fireplace… Yes.

His eyes light like firecrackers. “That is so cool! So the world doesn’t end before 2000? Do we colonize the moon? Or Mars? At least tell me we’ve got remote-control lobster traps. And I bet the pranks would be wicked good.”

“I’m afraid I don’t keep up with this sort of thing. _I was a bird[_?] in the living world, remember. You’ll have to ask one for the line when you find him or her.”

“Yeah, I’ll have to do that. I love stories. But if you say ‘hotsy-totsy tomato’ again, then you and me are going to have to talk about your grammar.”

“‘You and I’.”

“Whatever.”

“It’s also slang, not grammar, per se.”

“Ugghh, you are the worst, and that’s not an opinion, it’s a fact.” Sorrel folds his arms behind his head and leans back. A moth flits up and lands on his toes as his natural glow ebbs and wanes. “So… how did you get to the Ghost Zone anyway, Sit?”

Tl;dr Yes, I know my favorite characters’ voice actors, son.