#(never had the said abilities but that didnt stop me from producing the shit that shouldve been burned on the spot)

[bryverros]

[in a zuko voice] why am i so bad at being a writer

[chongoblog]

Zero Time Dilemma Review/Ramble

Okay, so if you’ve been following me, you know that I’ve gotten into the Zero Escape series, famous for 999 and Virtue’s Last Reward, streaming both games. I recently took the time to experience the last game, Zero Time Dilemma by watching cutscenes rather than playing it proper mostly because A) I heard it was REALLY dark and didnt want to risk it on Twitch and B) I wanted to experience it more freely like while I’m at work.

After experiencing it. I have......feelings about it. And because there’s MASSIVE spoilers involved, I’m making it its own post under the ReadMore below.

tl;dr LOADS of bullshit, flawed execution, and stupid decisions, but still REALLY enjoyed it

Okay so a LOT of this is going to be complaining, and like I said in the tl;dr I still legit enjoyed this game, so I’m gonna make this a compliment sandwich by saying something nice now, loading up on complaints, then ending with more compliments. Carlos is good. So is Sean. Sigma being voiced by Matthew Mercer actually makes him more interesting imo. I REALLY like Phi’s new design and the way they build on the initial concepts brought up in VLR more accurately portray the ideas that started all the way back in 999, that being the idea of taking thoughts across timelines, just like the player. From the beginning, the theme/gimmick was always “what if your character remembered information when you savescummed?” In 999 that began as flashes of information, and in VLR the characters’ consciousness actually time traveled at the very end. ZTD now uses the idea of the consciousness traveling across time and space and RUNS with it. I also think that Delta has a cool design.

I’ll be nice again later, but now for the things I Did Not Like.

Emo Moody Junpei makes sense from a writing standpoint, but that doesn’t mean I have to like him. Maybe I just got spoiled since Evan Wilson did a spectacular job with his deliveries in 999 and in ZTD it seems like his soul got sucked out. Not the fault of the delivery as much as it is the writing. Eric is bad, and I feel like that statement isn’t controversial. I don’t think anyone likes Eric, and if you do, then sorry for shitting on him so much, but god I just don’t like him. And the abusive childhood thing doesn’t give me a drop of sympathy, but then again I’ve always hated the writing trick that “this person is shitty and pathetic but it’s because abuse!” (see also Mikan). Diane is boring (sorry).

But I fuuuuuckin HATE Mira. I hate Mira so much. Like, at first I thought she’d be alright, yeah she’s definitely The Boob Character™, but I liked Lotus well enough and Alice grew on me significantly, so I don’t see why Mira won’t. Then she’s like “surprise I’m a serial killer”. Now if they just made her a serial killer, it would be kinda boring so I’m glad they TRIED something new. I just think the result was bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. Like....”hmm I never felt any emotions so when my mom told me they were kept in hearts I just ripped em out of people :)” is some garbage I’d write in middle school when I felt especially edgy. Also yeah seems p ableist. I won’t go too deeper into Mira, since she’s a sociopath and I don’t know enough about the actual disorder to put a candle to the real thing, but....bleh.

I won’t touch on THIS aspect for too long because I’m aware that it had barely any budget and it wouldn’t have happened without a kickstarter (don’t know the details), but the animation is just....so stiff. It really takes away from the dramatic impact some scenes are meant to have. But even IF the animation wasn’t stiff, I still am not a big fan of the darker and moodier direction it went. Although that’s moreso down to personal preference. Final note about the presentation (which is by far the game’s weakest aspect) is that I noticed multiple points in the sound mixing got to nearly Sonic Adventure 2 levels of being unable to understand what people were saying.

Alright. Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Let’s talk about Delta. This is going to make up a MAJORITY of this post so strap in.

Delta is a meme. There’s no other way to say it briefly. He’s just such a huge fucking meme. Almost everything about him, from his plan to his “complex” motives to his backstory to his powers. I mentioned liking his design, but fuck it. That’s a meme now too. Delta is the stupidest part of the game, and as much as I kind of love it, I also need to complain about it.

First let’s talk about Delta’s plan (because it starts with the nicest part of this segment). His motives are “complex” which is actually greek for “he’s probably either a liar, an idiot, or both”. I said there was nice things, so I’ll start with those. The very ending’s “ah ah ah. I never killed any of you in this timeline. If you arrested someone for crimes of another history, there would be criminals everywhere” was something I actually legitimately enjoyed. Yeah, intent was still there and he’s still a bastard (plus there was kidnapping and non-consensual drugging involved so kind of a stupid take), but I still thought it was a fun attempt. And also the “I had to make sure I was born” thing is a mindfuck, and I love those. Basically the first retort is “well I’m alive, right? So I don’t need to make sure I was born with powers because I WAS born with powers, which means it happened in another universe. So I don’t have to.” Only to then realize that we’re just in the universe where he DID do that but then the only justification is “someone had to” right? Wrong. Let’s talk about the rest of his “complex” motives

So I give a pass to “I had to make sure I was born”, but now we see why he had to do this whole deal and what he declares at the end of the game. That there’s some religious fanatic who intends to blow up the world and completely end humanity. And he released Radical-6 in the VLR timeline hoping that it would kill the terroris only killing 4 billion people instead of 6 billion people. In the timeline at the end of ZTD, he says that they had used this experience to hone the skills of the Shifters that way they could use their newly honed take down the religious fanatic WITHOUT Radical-6 and save the world.

What?

Now......before I tear into this.....I have ONE nice thing to say. The “unleash radical 6 and kill 4 billion vs let a terrorist end humanity” gambit IS cleverly foreshadowed with the radical 6 decision game with Q Team. But also wouldn’t that have made, like 1800 times more narrative sense to give that decision game to team D who KNOWS the impact of radical 6, or team C who he explains this plan to later on? Damn, even my nice thing was backhanded. Alright let’s REALLY tear into it.

FIRST of all, this is the exact same plot of Virtue’s Last Reward. Only difference is that somehow Akane and Junpei are just as skilled at this technique as Sigma and Phi despite the latter going to do Moon Training (granted the moon training was also to give them enough of a jump to go back 45 years). Speaking of Virtue’s Last Reward, this game also reveals that Delta is Brother, the leader of Free the Soul. A group of religious fanatics. So I wouldn’t be especially shocked if the religious fanatic is working with Free the Soul. But for the sake of this argument, let’s just say they aren’t with FtS. How in the Flavor-Blasted FUCK does he know this? Did somebody Shift back from that timeline and then just get Mind hacked (and we’ll fUCKING talk about Mind Hacking dont you worry)? How would that be the only piece of information known about the end of the god damn world? And if there IS more, then why the fuck wouldn’t you tell them the information? How does he know that it’s inevitable when apparently a god damn snail can unleash Radical-6?

I call bullshit on the “religious fanatic” thing. Wanna know why? Because at this point, Delta had already founded Free The Soul. He started this shit in 1938. At this point in time, he and the rest of the Free the Soul had already kidnapped Alice’s dad to create clones of his dead brother. He was pushing for a new world order and then in the VLR timeline, tried to PREVENT this whole thing from happening by sending Dio to the Moon. So if he actually gave a shit about “honing their abilities” then why would he do everything in his power to stop it? There is ONE out that there can be, but it’s something not even HINTED at (and I’ll talk about this later), but I think that "religious fanatic” is a big ol’ lie that he made up to try and save face when he was faced with a consequence, but even that explanation makes no sense since he’s like “lol shoot me if u wanna I wont mind hack you”

And let’s talk about mind hacking. Let’s fucking talk about Mind Hacking. Adding Mind Hacking was stupid, completely pointless, out of left field, and actively makes Delta a worse character. For those that don’t know, Mind Hacking is an ability that only Delta has (and I guess the player character technically but that’s a whole meta thing from VLR that doesn’t get followed up on) where you can read people’s minds and also fuckin control them. Why? Why was this necessary, ZTD? You wanna know what I thought was really neat? When I saw that different timelines produced different X-Codes. I thought “oh shit, I know this is Game Stuff, but the sheer foresight of the villain to do that? That’s some Moriarty shit.” It would require some insane explanations, but we’ve had enough sci-fi that we could imagine with enough advanced tech, you could set up systems that could use conditionals to give certain responses based on certain outcomes. Like if someone dies after the decontamination room button is pressed, then the central computer outputs a different X-Code than if it’s after the initial vote. Just make up a new tech that accounts for Shifting (plus the QUANTUM COMPUTER you have RIGHT THERE) and you could make a villain with so much calculated foresight that he’s just a god damn genius. But no. Mind hacking. None of that interesting stuff, just “lol I read ur mind idiot”. No outwitting anyone, just “lol get mindhacked eric u scrub bang bang”.

Honest to god, honest to FUCKING god, do you want to know how cool the final cutscene would have made Delta look if he walked out and just KNEW what happened in another timeline because of his plans. Like everyone recognizes him as Delta and he just goes “ohoho I see you had a fun time in my other timeline” using that deduction alone. But nah, he’s just like “yo I just mindhacked y’all, nice experience y’all had” I hate mind hacking so much. There’s no part of his plan where he NEEDED to mind hack in order to succeed that could have been written without mind hacking.

Now there’s a bit of a missed opportunity here that could both make mind hacking relevant, made his motive not shit, and also maybe even developed him into a SUPER interesting character! I know this is a bit fanfic-y, but hear me out. Make Delta a VICTIM of the stable time loop/bootstrap paradox. For those who don’t know, the bootstrap paradox is when time travel makes certain events happen seemingly out of thin air since they are their own cause. Basically it’s this clip from Milo Murphy. This is something that seems like it’s KINDA there in the subtext, but if they actually dove into it, they could have a GOLD mine.

What if we keep the mindhacking, and before he even MAKES Free the Soul, he mindhacks someone who experienced the events of the “religious fanatic”. But not just anyone. An experienced SHIFTer who made it their goal to stop this religious fanatic. After hundreds of attempts, they still fail. Delta sees this and determines it to be inevitable. So he’s having fun, cursed by the knowledge of an inevitable apocalypse. Then he meets Akane, Phi, Sigma, or Junpei after they had undergone the events of VLR and ZTD. He learns that particular timeline. A bleak future, yes, but one single future where humanity is alive. He sees two futures, one in which all of humanity dies, and one where he is the leader of a religious cult that wipes out 4 Billion People with a deadly pandemic. And the idea of being that person disgusts him. He despises it. But he’s completely resigned to fate. He knows that things must go precisely as he’s seen at the price of humanity, too frightened by such a burden to even take a toe off of the predetermined pathway. His motive is that he’s so tightly bound to fate and so afraid to let it slip that he has no choice but to commit the atrocities, despising himself for it every step of the way, but considering it better than the inevitable alternative. It would give a purpose for the mindhacking powers, it would give him a solid motive, and it would make the ending SO much stronger, showing the contrast between a group of SHIFTers confident that they can change fate and the man who is completely resigned to his own. Fuck, I might steal this character concept because I REALLY think this idea would work to make an interesting villain!

Like I mentioned, this is KINDA there in subtext (with him quite frequently saying “life truly is unfair”) and this could be an interpretation of the character, but if ZTD had explored that theme, then holy hell what an interesting character Delta would be.

But even WITH this fix, holy hell, this plan is stupid. Because guess what, dingus. You just created like 30 new timelines that all end in annihilation.

He coulda said ONE line about “even if there is only one history that ends nicely, that is solace enough”, that might have been dark, but still powerful. You know, add some depth. But instead, he’s just like “hmm hmm shoot me”

And the Q Twist? I’m honestly not as mad at it as I should be. On one hand, it does that cute thing where there are little bits of foreshadowing so when you rewatch it, you notice little bits like shadows and stuff, but on the other hand, there are PLENTY of points where either the camera just straight up lies to you and doesn’t show him when he should be there or Delta’s just been fuckin SHMOOVIN on his wheelchair around the room constantly to stay out of the camera and everyone’s just been kinda chill with it. Maybe if they had been more careful with the camera it could have delivered a TOUCH better. Like, even if the shots are a bit off, that’s noticeable enough to be part of the hint, no? I don’t have as much to say about this, mostly because this post is getting long as fuck so I’m gonna wrap it up so I can move on with my life for a bit.

So even with ALL OF THAT, I still enjoyed playing the game. That’s right, compliment sandwich time. The three wards all being one ward was a really neat reveal. The fact that you can shoot Delta in one scene is creative with its replay value. I’m glad they touched on the philosophical idea of what happens to the people who made it out from the coin flip only to get SHIFTed into the exploding lab, and exploring that idea was fun. I absolutely lost my mind at the idea of the gun to sigmas head had a random chance of firing and then seeing it elaborated on in the dice scene directly after it. Gab is a good boy.

Cant wait to play AI

[chasing-rabbits]

What made you go vegan originally?

Well I was vegetarian after being basically woken up to the truth. I was quite naive and sheltered I guess? Maybe cos I saw cows grazing outside my window we lived next to a small farm and all I ever saw was animals grazing never saw anyone take them away from the field outside my window.Then honestly by this point I was 18 when I went vegetarian. at 15ish I had been seeing doctors I saw 3 different ones I was underweight the dentist thought I was bulimic due to the damage on the back of my teeth from throwing up so much. I complained that when I even try to drink cups of tea I’d often lose the ability to swallow. It didnt effect breathing or anything just I couldnt swallow properly.They said there is nothing for it. Its IBS by the time I saw the 3rd Doctor. When I went vegetarian for the animals some of my symptoms improved I later found out my mum was intolerant to meat and so am I. However when I went to university I went vegetarian the summer before uni started.I ended up eating more junk food and more cheese based foods. At home not by any conscious means but I guess i was eating no where near as much dairy as at uni. I was getting so sick then one day I looked up milk allergies and how they diagnose it. I found out they get you to go dairy free for just over a month the time required for your body to completely get rid of all dairy traces and then they reintroduce it. I didnt exactly plan to reintroduce it as I was eating plant based for just over a month when we went away on holiday to bruge now this was around 5 years ago. They barely understood vegetarian let alone vegan. One day I gave up after literally a few hours finding some where to eat. I ate a bite of cheese pasta and felt light headed dizzy and was wheezing worse than my mum who has asthma.At that point it was clear I have a dairy allergy which has recently been confirmed by a dietitian I am seeing for possible celiac now. Just got the blood test done on that earlier this week.Anyways around that time I was looking into veganism just anything I could find out about it from nutrition to the why. I was genuinely unaware of the baby chicks getting killed for eggs or the dairy cows being pregnant continually to produce milk and the calves being killed as veal and such as ‘waste’ products.I saw Earthlings I cried a lot and that was it really. Because i mean i couldve still had eggs as a vegetarian and be no dairy. But seeing what happens to one day old chicks even now I just want to just no...it makes me teary eyed thinking back to what I saw happen to them. So since then really i’ve been vegan there have been two times where I broke this both times mostly affected by my mental health. I have bipolar and borderline PD and uhh I have issues surrounding certain things and I made poor decisions for about a week or so the two times it happened.Some people cuss me out for this and shit on me but I feel like look whilst mental illness is not an excuse when you’ve developed an unhealthy relationship with food due to years of being scared to eat and being accused of having anorexia. becoming obssessed and fixated on calories and food and intake. When that turns dark and goes the opposite and becoming obssessed with losing weight and then you get put on medication that makes you go from 7st 5ish lbs to over 14 and a half stone in less than 6 months.it’ll fuck with you. I was very underweight and to go from that to double it almost in such a short amount of time I guess just triggered that past behaviours in me. To do anything to lose weight. The medication made me so hungry and I’d get so upset I’d binge eat my emotions away. Then I saw Keto and thought okay I’ll do this. Actually my reasoning behind it was because I am intolerant to meat and I used to think to myself if only I could get the same effect as I did when i ate meat. And then i ended up doing keto and eating meat. See meat would bloat me up after a couple bites i physically couldn’t eat more. I had some really destructive behaviours and thought patterns back then. I basically wanted to make my body bloated and in pain and sick so that I couldn’t eat and would bypass binge eating emotionally and lose weight fast. It didn’t last long before i woke up and was like holy shit Erin not only are you damaging your body you’re hurting animals and I snapped out of it. The other time I dont remember what happened I think it might’ve been when I was manic. Unfortunately when I am manic aside from last year every other year ive had a manic episode ive not been lucid Im very much not as aware or in control in that I feel like im almost an outside watching in but i cant keep up. And then even now I cannot remember the mania I had the year before last its so hazy to me I remember very little of it. Last year was the first year i was with it lucid and able to remember it. Which honestly was weird because its like you see yourself doing the stuff except you still struggle or cannot stop it. So its still really odd and because youre aware of what you are doing but lack the ability to often prevent the actions people don’t quite get it its like how can you be so aware yet keep doing it.Anyways I got sidetracked! I guess i feel i have to explain why I ended up twice in the 5yrs ive been vegan going back to meat. But yeah I am not at that point anymore in my life where I have those negative behaviours surrounding that particular issue at least thank god. So I found veganism through health issues and stayed for the animals and ethics. Honestly though if someone watches Earthlings and doesn’t go vegan I dont know how that even happens its so the most upsetting unsettling devastating video to watch and a real reality check to what truly happens.

[ghostie-hoe]

MY THOUGHTS ON 7x19 'FAREWELL MY LOVELY'

OMG I LOVED THIS EPISODE AND I NOW HAVE MANY SUSPECTS MAINLY EZRA AND CALEB HOLLYYYYY SHIT PLL 7x19 REWATCH - Very predictable that Aria was able to save her ass and retrieve her keys before that cop saw the body and dragged her tiny lying butt to jail. - Ezra dragging the girls to the ground, pointing out that they've all made mistakes they have to live with and Aria is no different. This episode was lacking a snarky comment from Hanna or Alison shading Ezra for being a lying, stalking predator. (I can dream, I just want them to say it out loud again!!!)!!! It's my aesthetic. - Directly after a scene where someone hid Aria's keys in the trunk of her car along with the body, Caleb mentions Aria having spare keys???? Caleb has been so shady this episode like, my heart couldn't take him being AD, just for the fact of Hanna, her reaction would destroy my soul, I mean she's targeted the most and Halebs love seems the most pure:((((( - pie????? And the Alison Varjack / Holly Golightly reference???? HELLO EZRA, I SEE YOU - Mary Drake is my favourite. I actually love her Idc - wtffff? We waited so long for that classroom scene only for it to be a gas leak related dream Emily had???? Wtf Marlene really does know how to disappoint - Why cant Emily tell Alison she loves her? I mean Emily is the one that has been pining over Alison for years and Ali has said it twice, but Emily can't seem to say it. Marlene just sort your ships out ffs - 'You have an alibi, you're in the clear' at what point did Aria speak to Ezra about this little prize AD gave Aria? Hmm hmm or should I say, the prize he gave her. - Are all these scenes of team Spahaleb together to make us as viewers forgive Marlene for the ATROCITY THAT WAS SPALEB??? The whole situation wasn't fair on any of them. - Can we just talk about that Mona and Caleb scene for a second, it's like when they were talking over coffee that time and seemed very comfortable around each other. Well, in that scene or was almost as if Mona was expecting Caleb, as if he were the one she were meeting with. The way Caleb takes control and literally gives Mona a order as if being at an a team meeting. - wow there's a secret passageway between the three crows diner and where Charlotte was killed. Ironically, Caleb knows exactly where to look hmmm - Oh Ezra aren't you just the biggest hypocrite "I think they gave up the right to be your friends." Well Ezra Fitz, I think you gave up the right to roam freely after breaking the law and involving yourself with two minors, one of which you built a relationship with on lies, stalked, lied and manipulated whilst writing a book about the other. You my lovely predator can't say shit. - Ezra my masters degree In American literature will help me dispose of a body so that the police won't find it and trace it back to either of us Fitz. Can you please dispose of yourself in prison now thanks - THE BODY IS GONE???? WHAT A SURPRISE???? NONE OF US SAW THAT COMING... HUH EZRA..? - Wow what another disappointment. Honestly Marlene should get an award for the biggest disappointments. We all really wanted that kissing rock video to have some relevance but nope we can't have that - AD DOESNT GET MESSAGES, THEY SEND MESSAGES. IS CALEB HINTING AT HIM BEING INVOLVED. OMG OMG THERE ARE SO MANY EZRA AND CALEB CLUES ITS LIKE THEY COULD BE SECRETLY IN CAHHOOTS - Have I ever mentioned how much I love Troian the director, producer, writer and actress???!! Have I ever documented my love for her talents and screamed to the rooftops about how much this woman deserves the ultimate happiness in life and millions of Grammys?????? - ITS PROBABLY JUST TROIANS ABILITY TO AMAZE ME WITH HER ACTING SKILLS BUT THAT SPALEB SCENE WAS .. sweet - Alison apologising to Aria. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. QUEEN BITCH ACTUALLY APOLOGISED 👏 👏👏👏 - STOP. MAKING. MENTALLY. ILL. INDIVIDUALS. THE. VILLAIN. WE. WOULD. NEVER. HURT. ANYONE!!!!!! - UMMMM IM REALLY IMPRESSED WITH VANESSA RAY'S ACTING IN THE MONA VS CHARLOTTE CONFRONTATION SCENE. LIKE IM LIVING FOR IT. AND DID I MENTION HOW FABULOUS JANEL PERFORMED IN THAT SCENE TOO. ALSO MONA HAULED HER ASS OFF THAT ROOF LIKE MY GIRL IS STRONG. BUT WHY DIDNT WE GET TO SEE IT??? AND WHY IS THE BELL TOWER SIGNIFICANT TO THE SHOW I MEAN, CECE WAS LITERALLY SHOVED BY ARIA OFF IT AND IAN COMMITED SUICIDE THERE??? - Mona's the most intelligent person on this show. When the doctors and Alison were blinded by Charlotte and believed that she was getting better, Mona had doubts and she knew that Charlotte wasn't sorry, she knew that Charlotte was going to start the game again and I seriously don't believe that Mona had any intent on killing Charlotte, just wanted to scare her. - 'Not only did you lose the game, you lost the story' Why does this seem to me that Charlotte is low key hinting at stealing Charles's story thus not actually being Charles???? I hope. Please Marlene - Mona is so precious. I'm so in love with her. I want to protect her. - 'She went back to a safe place. Where she only had to worry about you being mean to her in the cafeteria.' - Spencer throwing shade at Alison again 2k17. I'm here for it. This also sticks out to me considering they have been shoving this kind version of Alison down our throats since she came back in season 4, and it could totally hint towards the whole Alison we seeing now isn't actually Alison, reminding us that the bitch still exists - EZRA MONA AND CALEB. THE A TEAM HMM - The relevance of the body being buried in the fake Charles one to me, emphasises Charles being alive and not CECE. Also lmao they go to leave and Tanner turns up. And then Mary drake makes the ultimate sacrifice and CONFESSED TO BOTH MURDERS BUT TANNER JUST FUCKING LETS THE GIRLS LEAVE EVEN THO SHE CAUGHT THEM WITH A SHOVEL LMAO WHAT - These bitches get away with everything and I'm so fucking done with it. Lock them up. Kill them. I'm done - SASHAS ACTING IN THE SCENE WHERE MARY CONFESSES TO KILLING JESSICA HAD ME CRYING LIKE SASHA IS SO GOOD AT PORTRAYING EMOTION - don't ever try to convince me that Mona vanderwaal doesn't love and care about Hanna Marin. Mona would sacrifice everything for Hanna, and although I love Haleb, IM HERE for Mona and Hanna running away together and having Vandermarin babies ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ - AS A MEDIA STUDENT I REALLY LOVED THE END SCENE WITH AD DRIVING OFF INTO THE SUNSET BUT WHAT BITCH WANTED TO LESVE ROSEWOOD THIS EPISODE??? EZRA PREDATORY RAPE FITZ THATS WHO

[callonb]

GYBurst of Inspiration/Motivation

Where does inspiration come from? - Snacks I recorded a song with Samuel Hawkins recently and that was the first line of his verse. Lately thats been on my mind more and more. Where does my inspiration come from and why cant I always bask in its motivational energies? Seems that my drive comes and goes with the moon phases or as planets enter and leave our orbit. Could be the skys dictating my moods and movements (which i think it does have an effect) or it could be the mass amount of coffee and tea i drink a day. Definitely important factors but not quite the source. My mom definitely motivates me, she believes in everything Im doing and helps every way that she can. Its not financially but sometimes emotional support is more important. Shouts out to Momma B you the realist. Same for my homies and not homies as in people i force myself to be around, cuz having friends is what you do. Actual family that i grew up with and have developed a relationship with, the GYB family. The ones who sat me down years ago and was like dude...... you need to take this rap shit seriously. The ones who are now getting more and more involved with the movement every day, pushing everything to the side and riding along with my dream and making them their own. Everyday the homies are pushing to help me create this vision for you guys as they've adopted it as their own. Like minds on the prize, Shouts out the Layer homies. That only seems to be half of it tho, and Ive never felt this type of fire burning inside me before so what is it? Magazine drama and BS doesn't motivate me, Music doesn't seem to hit me the same way anymore. I used to listen to music constantly, new rap definitely doesn't do it for me.....makes me feel lower. New tv shows dont do it for me im bored with most of the popular shows out. Same for games or just typical activities that people partake in. Partys, drugs, random hook ups...It all seems so blah to me and im completely uninterested. I learned I have to stop feeding my lower self and focus on my higher self and what that part of my being truly wants and thats to CREATE!!! Whenever im around an environment that drives me to create and push myself i perform better. So i guess i just realized what really inspires me, and thats a creative environment. Who is responsible for this? Well I saw the Rotunda Project last weekend at Maiden Alley, a collaborative piece by Fairseas. The Fairseas are a group of musicians named Jeran Simmons, Bobby Dowell, Codie Franklin and Shanden Simmons. I watched them plant this seed years ago and now its a giant tree that you can sit back and marvel in its greatness. The main theme of the film was collaborating with your community. I cant lie ive had many many thoughts of leaving my community to collaborate elsewhere but ive came to a realization recently that it isnt necessary. To my surprise and probably a lot of people around here, there is a bubbling hip hop scene around here that is about to explode. Ive started to invest my time and efforts into this scene now and received nothing but results. Shanden has been a major influence in my artistry because he is always honest, encouraging and persistent....three very important characteristics to have in a creative environment and on top of that has become one of what i would consider my best friends. I look at him as one of my GYBrothers. On to the hip hop scene around here tho..... mysterious person named "A" aka the Hollow Man and he is one of the most promising producers/writers around. His solo stuff is outstanding and the collaboration effort we are working on "A & B: The Empire" is next level. Its been well over a year in the making and will shock most people when they hear the new styles i bring to the tape compared to my previous work. A always challenges me to be very intelligent when I piece together my verses and I like that. He makes me want to grab a dictionary and start reading so I can match his extensive vocabulary.....and maybe I have done that lol. Im the ONLY artist that the mystery man works with at the moment and that hits me now in a way it never has before. Like why me, do I really have something in my music that would make this beyond talented artist spend his time and efforts to make beats for us to collab on and want to include me in everything he does? His beats are above any producer Ive ever heard even in the big leagues of the rap game its crazy but he will prolly have his own GYBlog entry about him eventually. I have to move on before i make this to long lol. Next is JSkrilla, I have met the Skrilla a few times in passing but i dont think we realized what each other really could offer the other. Until i ran into him at the damn ROTUNDA PROJECT.....back around full circle. After that we decided to get together. We showed each other some of our music. I didnt know he made dope beats as well as spit hot fucking fire but he does. We shared our philosophies for our craft and talked hip hop and all sorts of other randomness. Then we picked a beat and wrote a song on the spot. Bar for bar back and forth. J stressed to me it had been a LONG time since he had been able to just sit down and write with another emcee that wasnt intimidated by his ability to write on the spot, or to match his caliber of wordplay and rhyme schemes. To both mine and his delight I delivered. Skrilla really challenged me tho, most artist get so caught up in the main stream BS or conforming to certain concepts and topics in their verses that it had been a while since I had felt pressure when writing to make sure my bars are up to par. Felt good to feel that energy again i had been missing the want to become better and that leads me to the main cause of my motivation and my improvments or just overall attitude change whatever you want to call it. the TRYBE!!!! Snacks, B. James, and Waun D. are the Cerberus of this rap shit. I have a lot to owe to them. GYB and Trybe share the same values as far as what we hope to contribute to the culture of arts and musics and how we hope to impact the hip hop community as well as the communities we all live in. I have done one show with them and have multiple other ones lined up with them. As a matter a fact i cant see myself doing a show with anyone but them from here on out. Once again them as well as JSkrilla could have their own full length blog entry but i digress for the sake of your attention lol. The Trybe challenges me to be a better emcee by making me freestyle. Which if you have been around me doing music ive never been a good freestyler.....UNTIL NOW!!! They have cracked that shell and brought me out of it. Making me partake in their cyphers everytime we get together. Soon Ill be as smooth off the top as i am with the writtens then its over for everyone! Sharpening my skills is not something that other rappers really push you to do. Rap is very competitive and braggadocios so pushing someone to improve and possible be better than you is unheard of. The Trybe doesnt see it that way though, they want us all to grow together. With a shared love for hip hop and me and Snacks shared love for Anime we can talk for hours and hours before we realize we havent done any music lol. Everytime I hear a new Trybe song i feel my artistry being challenged. The message in their music makes me want to really focus on the concepts i present in my music and start challenging my self to pretty much step my game up. Between Skrilla, "A", and TrYbe, everything new I hear makes me question my latest bars which is exactly what I need. Hip Hop is my life and my love and above any amount of money i can potentially make off this art is the desire to be the best emcee to ever grab a mic and thats the same mindset i had when i originally picked up the pen and decided i would be a rapper. Before i saw 8 mile and realized that being a white rapper wasnt necessarily accepted, before all the laughs, all the hate and just general shade i received for my dreams. Being white in this game is a roadblock but for the first time these guys made me realize that i have overcame that hurdle 100 times over. I had a long talk with the Trybe last night and they gave me a boost of confidence that finally fully ignited that fire i had lit but tried to conceal. Im no longer worried about what is cool or what people want. I just want to create and you will more than likely like it because I do have skills that i myself had been sleeping on. I hear these artist like A, Skrilla, and Trybe and i felt underneath them but now i see my self as an equal. We all have different things we bring to the table that compliment each other and its time to put it all together and make it happen. Plus we all just fucking dope and there is no denying. This is my new goal. No more time wasted on what i "think" is the right move. Im going to follow what i KNOW to be the right path and follow my heart. Thats challenging myself with these artist and like minded individuals to always be better. Also as Snacks has said before "move at LIGHT SPEED" thats just what Ill do with my light brothers here. We like some damn warriors of this rap shit waging war against a evil corrupt entity but thats also for a whole separate entry lol But no war of this caliber is complete without a general so shoutout to SirDuke. Ive also recently became friends with this crazy dude and he has shown me in just the short time ive known him more love and support than some people ive known my whole life. He also inspires me because he has dedicated his life to serve and protect (literally) and most importantly LEAD. He has an army of pretty much every hood and every rapper in each of them just waiting for his call. and he is not leading them astray, Shoutout the Kollektiv. Duke is also a talented singer and emcee. He has a show with me tomorrow at the Hangover in Murray MAKE SURE YOU COME TO THAT AND SEE MY NEW ALBUM CONSCIOUS TRAP PERFORMED LIVE starting at 9pm. but yeah Duke is dope and I can appreciate his leadership skills and what he hopes to accomplish in his community by cleaning it up through music. He is rubbing off on my and motivating me to hold that same position with my Layer army of GYB homies ive assembled. Most of them are clueless about the industry and music so its up to me to guide and lead them so they can be their own selves and make it in this world without the middle man down your neck. Im going to wrap this up because it ended up being way longer than i intended but i wanted to also say to my fellow collaborators and friends above all. Wolf, Golden Wrist Banks, Trevell, Dope, Simple, Benji and Angel Mascato. You guys have MAD SKILLS. You guys inspire me too because I hear something different in your music than i hear from most. I want you all to continue to grow and expand your creativity to new levels. Tell YOUR story. The same story is constantly told but how will you tell YOURS in the true challenge. So i encourage you guys like i have been recently, step outside of the norm and do what you truly feel in your heart that you need to, fuck what everyone else wants from you just create the way you feel appropriate. A lot of you are working with Duke regularly and I think he will tell you the same thing I am now. Even if its certain people in your lives holding you back, they gotta go. Surround yourself with positive people that want to grow with you instead of out grow you and you will see the same results. Probably why you guys were all on my latest album, except Trevell im sorry and you should have been but you know the deal homie its all love. Frank.....dammit man just rap lol but anyways ill end it on this note. Getting in touch with that child like mind state and that pureness of love in my heart again. Losing all my intentions to want to be better and out do someone but rather COLLABORATE with like minds in my community has already in return pushed me forward in a lot of ways. Seems almost as if they had been waiting on me this whole time. Its certain that my actions are now speaking louder than my words and everyone is starting to catch on. including myself finally. If you read this far thank you and I love you. Youre more than likely part of the reason why i typed this or why i even continue to do what i do. I trust you guys just as much as you trust ill deliver. Have a great day, maybe you can draw inspiration from this or some of the same people or things that i do! So put down that magazine full of empty content and read something meaningful that you are interested in, turn off the news and watch some anime, stop playing shooter games and play final fantasy, stop eating out and prepare your own meals, dont listen to music just play instrumentals and freestlye every day or just make your own, quit scrolling on facebook and take a stroll around the block, only spend time with those that help you grow rather than keep you low. So much inspiration out there sometimes we just have to break away from what we are used to in order to pull from the experience. Now im really done. and excuse my poor grammer and probably a shit load of spelling errors. That wont ever change, these blog post are run on sentences of my thoughts that pass through my head every day. Sometimes i just take the time to jot them out as they pass. PEACE LOVE AND GYB!!

[miraculous-writings]

Okay, so apparently you dont listen so I will explain this again. A) It SAID in the Tumblr message at the top(or was it at the bottom?idk where it said this,) that your tumblr did not allow for anyone to respond to your PMs if they did not follow you back. I was not following you. THAT is YOUR privacy settings. I had no way around it, and since I only had 8 followers, I decided here would be better to respond to you at rather than instagram where ive gotten back up to 300smtn from my previous 2.7k. B) I tried to click your tumblr, it said it didn't exist so I presumed you blocked me. So, I blocked your tumblr black so you couldnt just unblock me simply to send another bullshit message--like youre doing right now! C) I now have to respond to you over tumblr AGAIN because you said at the end of this message you will not be returning to that instagram account so messaging you back on it us useless. You are LITERALLY giving me NO OTHER WAY to respond, you stupid /asshole/ Now. Everything I said is completely fair. Unless you'd rather I post it on instagram? I tried to backtrack your tumblr not only while logged into this account, but also even while logged into ANOTHER account bc i was trying to hard to respond in private. But it kept saying your tumblr didnt even exist when I clicked on links thats supposedly would lead straight to your tumblr or looked up your URL. THERE IS. NO WAY. FOR ME TO RESPOND TO YOU PRIVATELY. And frankly, because you are STILL harassing me! I dont even fucking want to. Because you are being creepy now by not leaving me alone. Like I said in my message, you were (mostly) fine when we talked. Yes. I already stated this. Whooptie doo, we talked about Tsukiuta and Tsukista. What's your point? If having the ability to talk about a similiar interests somehow erases all the shitty things youve done then by that logic I should still be friends with my rapist. (Hint : Thats Not How It Works.) ANYWAYS 1.)Yeah you did. What's your point? My point was, I hate you and want you away from me because of it. You apologizing for it hadnt changed that. (p.s. hating stage actors / stage producers for daring to post anything thats not your ~precious otp~ was another HUGE red flag for me as to how messed up you are and how you're willing to treat other people. Another reason I want you GONE.) 2.) Your little 'friend' said "You blocked my friend Leona before you heard her out and you need to unblock her and handle this like adults" or something along those lines along with insults. A) if shes talking to a customer of yours like that HAHAHAH GOOD LUCK GETTING SHIT BACK. She also wouldnt have just said "my friend" during a professional transaction she would have said your professional name not your private one. And she sure as hell wouldnt(shouldnt) have been that aggressive if it was a professional transaction. And if she was? youre losing all your customers and you should not try to do ANYTHING professionally until you grow the fuck up. So theres all the sighs of that being a lie. B) That is a LAME and very OBVIOUSLY fake ass LIE. She did not "accidentally" send that mesaage and she sure as hell NEVER apologized, because after those vaguely threatening messages that were straight up harassment (what you are also doing at this point!) I BLOCKED HER so no. She never apologized. She didn't have the /chance/ to apologize. and Nobody is that much of a dumb bitch to make that mistake-- and C) Either way, the fact that you SEND PEOPLE OUT to HARASS OTHERS who all they did was block you, is STALKERISH and HARASSMENT. You are a DISGUSTING human being for doing this. That in and of its self is enough of an excuse for me to want to avoid you forever. 3.) Not doing well with abandonment does not mean you /stalk/ people and /harass/ them after a problem. You do not send aggressive assholes into their dms. You do not send them messages everywhere you can despite being blocked. You are also not letting go if you are STILL trying to message me and STILL reading my fics. Frankly? I do not want you reading them. My fics are posted to be enjoyed by the kind people in the Tsukiuta community. Not assholes like you. 4.) My unwillingness to post them is 100% because of you. The fact that you refuse EVEN NOW to take ANY responsibility for ANYTHING that you have done is only making me angrier, making me DESPISE you even more, and making me not wanna post them just so a disgusting bitch like you cant get jack SHIT out of me. You dont GET to treat me like shit, to shit all over me and make me feel like garbage, and then still get to enjoy my fics. No. Fuck OFF. Do NOT read my fics, do NOT stalk my accounts, do NOT talk to me, do NOT have ANYTHING to do with me ever again. You need to stop trying to make yourself the victim when you are the one who fucks up. You will never have friends if you keep that shit up. You will become an abusive, manipulative piece of shit. You need to leave me alone. If I get even ONE more message from you after this, i will be going to the police to have them MAKE you stop stalking and harassing me. I've done it before and I'll do it again. Also, kindly stop acting like having a few conversations (10 short convos that dont last more than 30 minutes? Ever? Max?) makes you Super Fucking Good Friends with people. You should in NO way feel SO close to me that you feel like i /NEED/ to owe you an explanation. and you sure as hell dont need to be all butthurt or feel "abandoned, by me because WE ARE PRACTICALLY STRANGERS. You know NOTHING about me and I know NOTHING about you. All we know about eachother is that we like Tsukiuta. Thats it. Thats literally all there is. We were not friends. We are acquaintances who spoke to eachother on several occasions. We were/are not close. Stop making me into something im not and stop trying to feel so desperately conected to strangers like that so fast. It is unhealthy for you, and unhealthy for you to project that onto THEM. You need to go to a fucking therapist, you need to stop victimizing yourself, treating others like shit, blaming it on them, pretending like you did nothing wrong, lying, and then using your disorder as an excuse. As someone with SEVERAL mental illnesses, your illness is not an excuse. Take responsibility for your actions YOU are the one responsible for your actions. YOU did them. NOT your illness. Now, if you message me again I will be going to my local police about you. since you have contacted me after I have blocked you, that means I will most likely be able to get a restraining order, which means if you attempt to contact me.again they will likely trace your IP address and then send police in your state/country if youre in canada, over to you, and have them arrest you most likely. This is your FINAL warning. Stop stalking me. Stop harassing me. Stop messaging me. Leave me alone. And do NOT fucking read my fics. They are NOT for your eyes to read. They are for the eyes of my KIND and WONDERFUL readers who are supportive, kind people who would never treat others the way you do. That is all.

[viralhottopics]

Drew Barrymore ‘I don’t pretend to be perfect’

Drew Barrymore is back on our screens, this time as a flesh-eating estate agent. She tells Rebecca Nicholson about the endless ups and downs of her life from child star to teen rebel, and savvy producer to business woman and explains why shell fight to the death to be happy

Drew Barrymore walks into the hotel room in Berlin flanked by assistants, caked in heavy TV make-up and wrapped in a brown fluffy jacket that makes her look like a very glamorous teddy bear. Within seconds, the entourage has disappeared, shes wiped every last scrap of foundation from her face and shes rummaging around underneath her dress, a kind of earth mother hippy smock, regretting her decision to wear tights on this sub-freezing day. Why does anyone wear pantyhose? she exclaims, barefaced, faux-exasperated, shifting in her armchair, trying to get comfortable. Theyre so fucking sadistic! Theyre not even control pants, she says, conspiratorially, but Im forcing them to be.

For a lot of women, especially women who grew up between 1982 and the early 2000s, Barrymore is a particular kind of icon. Shes the accessible rebel we all wanted to be, or be friends with. Shes the child star of ET who hit the skids early and hard, and not only survived, but went on to be one of the most popular (and bankable) female stars of the past three decades. She appeared in, and often produced, the kinds of movies that are vital viewing for teenagers, from the trashy taboo-busting rebellion of Poison Ivy, to the triumphant high school romcom Never Been Kissed, to the moody angst of Donnie Darko. Plus, in her 20s, she seemed to hang out with the best bands, go to all the best parties and always looked like she was having the time of her life. She was the manic pixie dream girl before it became a tacky indie film stereotype. The memoir she wrote in 2015 is, appropriately, called Wildflower.

She looks genuinely pleased that she holds such a place in peoples minds, and decides that if people do like her, If anyone has any goodwill towards me, careful not to sound arrogant, its because she extends goodwill to other people. Not in an annoying way, but just, like, being in peoples fucking corners. Its this combination of soft and sharp, all wrapped up in that valley girl lilt, that has carried her through life. I want people to be happy, but I know happiness has to be fought for. Its a warrior trophy. Its not hippy, she insists. Im like, fight. Fight to the death to be happy, and dont kill anyone along the way.

Little riot grrrl: Drew Barrymore with Steven Spielberg at the age of five on the set of 1982s ET. Photograph: Everett Collection/Rex Features

Were in Germany to talk about Santa Clarita Diet, the new Netflix series which has brought her back into the spotlight again at 41. Its a warm and occasionally gross 10-part comedy about Sheila and Joel, estate agents who have been together since their school days, and whose marriage is tested when the amiable Sheila develops a sudden taste for human flesh.

I stopped working to have my kids and take care of them and raise them, and so I was nervous about working again, she says. I was going through a dark time in my own life. And then I read it and I liked it. Now what am I supposed to do? I cant do this right now, its terrible timing, my whole life is falling apart. She ended up executive producing it as well as starring.

That her life was falling apart out of the spotlight was a new thing for Barrymore, who had played out most of her life in a very public sphere. No ones talking about my life. I mean, yes, I had a divorce, but even that was real quiet. She split up with actor Will Kopelman, the father of her two children, Olive, four, and Frankie, two, at the beginning of 2016, but recently posted an Instagram of him running the New York marathon; she was there, with their daughters, to support him. It was like, Oh, they didnt work out, I wonder why? Oh my God they seem like such good friends, and so amicable, I guess well stop giving a shit. I was so happy about that, she says, breezily.

Warm and occasionally gross: Barrymore in Santa Clarita Diet. Photograph: Erica Parise/Netflix

In the midst of her divorce, Santa Clarita Diet was a transformative experience. Ironically, it wasnt the worst timing. It was great. It was really happy. It was a good summer. My daughters and I got to go out to California and I got three days off a week. Just as becoming a proto-zombie saves Sheila from the numbing boredom of domestic life, Barrymore went through her own kind of rejuvenation. I feel like Sheila. I feel like maybe I was dead inside, she says cheerfully, blowing her nose. I dont know. I was in a place in my life where I had gained a lot of weight, and been in a place of fear and sadness, and I felt stuck. I dont think thats so much unlike the character.

Until she took time away from acting to have kids, Barrymore had never not worked. She began her career at 11 months in an advert for dog food, quickly becoming the main breadwinner for herself and her mother, Jaid, who raised her alone. Her father John Barrymore, of the Barrymore acting dynasty The great line of loonies from which I come, as she puts it wasnt around much. Her extraordinary youth was public and well-documented. Her breakout role in ET, at five years old, was followed by an outlandish few years of childhood boozing and drug-taking, rehab and institutions, and the sense that, at 14, she was washed up and her career was over.

But it wasnt. She moved into an apartment by herself, got a job in a coffee shop, learned how to do her own laundry and, eventually, clawed her way back into the business, defeating the curse of the child actor where so many others have been lost. She has said her 20s were a kind of delayed adolescence. Now, in her 40s, shes had a lifetimes worth of parties and experiences, and says she doesnt miss it at all. I dont feel like Im not at the centre of things. I dont worry about career stuff. I dont worry about who the hottest band is or that Im not at that show that night. I dont care if the latest trend is happening and its just passing me by.

Star quality: Barrymore with Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu in Charlies Angels. Photograph: Image Net

Her idea of a good time these days is taking the girls to Disney World, or setting up movie nights for the kids in my daughters class. I just watched Home Alone and all the moms and I were crying at the end. Oh my God, its so good! I appreciate it now much more than I did when I was younger.

Shes too classy to be drawn into any child actor comparisons it would be patronising, annoying, no thanks, she says, nicely but firmly but we talk more broadly about celebrity scandals. Everyone goes up and goes down. Thats life. Nobody wants all of it looked at and discussed. However, if you do put yourself out there, then you need to be prepared for that to be examined and you have to handle it to the best of your abilities. So for people who are like [she puts on a whiny voice]: Dont look at me you put yourself out there!

Is there any way to avoid being examined and discussed? Not in this day and age. You just try to manage things in the healthiest way you can. And by the way? You wont all the time. Youre gonna fuck up. So fuck up, then pick yourself back up. But just be nice and kind and humble and gracious and have a sense of humour. And dont pretend to be perfect.

Golden girl: winning a Golden Globe for Grey Gardens in 2010. Photograph: NBC/Getty Images

Barrymore dealt with her own initial fuck-ups in an incredible and startling memoir, Little Girl Lost, which she wryly calls, The mea culpa book I wrote when I was 14. She appeared on Oprah with her mother to promote it, to go over what went wrong. You can watch it on YouTube; shes 15 going on 35. Yet the book has a cult following, in part because it makes all the partying she did as a young child sound kind of adventurous. Yeah! Its like an 80s cult tragedy book, which is super cool and wrong and fun all at the same time. Its a little riot grrrl, you know?

Theres a chapter where Barrymore describes being hauled off to an institution at her mothers behest, and shes furious at the starstruck guards. God, youve just yanked me out of my house with cuffs on, I thought, and now youre asking me what it was like to meet ET. What jerks, she writes. Even at 14, she had a disdain for celebrity. Still do, she says, today.

We meet on the afternoon of Trumps inauguration. She plans to watch it later, as shes a total news junkie, but she doesnt particularly want to talk about what she thinks of him. Im not a painter and Im not a musician and I think people dont want to hear it from actors, she says. I read this op-ed in the New York Times that was saying, just do things quietly, in your art.

Slasher: Barrymore in Wes Cravens Scream, 1996. Photograph: Allstar

Barrymore is more about the practical. During her screen break, she wrote Wildflower, which became a New York Times bestseller, and shes built a sizeable business empire, including Barrymore wines, a production company, Flower Films, and beauty brand Flower Cosmetics. All of which channel some of that free-spirit warmth into profits reports suggest shes worth $125m. Theres a line in Santa Clarita Diet where Sheila announces: I sleep two hours a night. I get so much done! It struck me that for Barrymore, spinning so many plates, that might be funny. Actually, she says, it was originally written that Sheila would use her spare time to learn French. Me, in my real life, would spend time learning French. This woman literally has a ticking clock on her mortality. Shed be studying fucking Bruce Lee moves and learning to do shit. The line was changed at Barrymores request: instead of learning a language, Sheila would get the ability to parallel park in one move. Im, like, yes! Thats practical!

Its strange to see Barrymore, who seemed to be an eternal teenager, starring as the mother of a teenager in Santa Clarita Diet, partly because her fame is life-long, and you can see interviews with her at almost every age on YouTube. But, she says, she never watches them, never goes back. Hell no. The only thing I ever think when I see myself when Im younger, if Im on a talk show and Im stuck there having to watch clips, is that I was so much more brassy when I was young. Im like: Where do you get the balls, kid?

She says it as if those balls have disappeared with age. She claims shes much more polite now. Sarcastic, but polite. And worse still, she tries to say shes newly dull. In my life Im just so quiet and boring, she declares, not entirely convincingly. This is Drew Barrymore, after all, who talks with the hunger of someone who will always be on the lookout for something new, whether thats being a mother, a businesswoman, or playing a friendly estate agent who kills and eats bad people. I am pretty boring, she insists. I tell her I dont believe it. She smiles slyly, and leans in. Theres a rebel in her still. Im not sure I believe it either.

Santa Clarita Diet launches on Netflix on 3 February

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from Drew Barrymore ‘I don’t pretend to be perfect’