#(might be a wee bit autistic about them right now)

[fawnsflowerbed]

everyone always writes about puppy or bunny which is CUTE!!! But. what about kitty reader?

KITTY READER!!!!!

NUDGING THEIR CUTE LITTLE BUTT AND LEGS UP AGAINST LEON TO SHOW SMIDGES OF CASUAL LOVE, PURRING AS THEY BUTT THEIR HEAD AGAINST HIS SHOULDER!!!!!! RUBBING THEIR FACE ALL OVER HIM WHEN HE GETS OUT OF THE SHOWER TO RESTORE HIS ‘NATURAL’ SMELL!!!!! CHIRPING AT THE BIRDS OUTSIDE THE WINDOW AND MEOWING ENDLESSLY AT 12AM FOR LEON TO PET THEM AS THEY EAT!!!! KITTY READER HATING BATHS AND GRUMBLING AND GROWLING AS LEON CHUCKLES!!!

LEON DANGLING HIS MOTORCYCLE KEYS ABOVE THEM AS A FORM OF ENRICHMENT AS THEY LAY ON THEIR BACK BATTING AT IT!! KITTY READER PURRS ON LEON’S CHEST AS HE SLEEPS SO HE GETS BETTER REST KNOWING HE HAS HIS SWEETHEART WITH HIM!!!!

KITTY READERRRR!!!!

[twilightofthe]

Anakin Skywalker Has ADHD.  Here’s Why:

I’ve noticed during my time as a neurodivergent person in the Star Wars community that Anakin, a favorite character of mine, displays a lot of neurodivergent traits.  Other people have noticed this too; in particular, @bpdanakins has made a really in depth and detailed post explaining how Anakin having BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) makes a whole lotta sense.  I’ve got ADHD, so this post is gonna be about how I as an ADHD individual see Anakin Skywalker as having ADHD too!!!

Note: Symptoms of ADHD include inability to focus and disorganization.  I have ADHD.  This post is gonna be a wee bit disorganized and I probs won’t be the best at citing a million sources cuz I do not have the mental focus to do that right now.  Thank ye.

So, what is ADHD? (Complicated.  The answer is complicated.) (If you don’t want the general ADHD lecture, just scroll down to where I start talking about Anakin particularly).

ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is a neurological disorder that impairs the brain’s executive functions.  People with ADHD have trouble with impulse-control, focusing, and organization.  Basically, ADHD is a developmental weakness in how the brain manages itself.  I like to picture it like a filing cabinet.  Everyone else’s brain has a neatly sorted, labeled, and organized cabinet full of drawers that contain typical brain executive function commands.  ADHD people’s brains have a monkey in them that runs around screeching loudly, ripping labels off drawers, rearranging stuff, throwing the files everywhere, eating the papers and generally making a gigantic mess, so whatever you need to go to the drawers to look for something, it takes you ten times longer to find the mental command you need to do if it’s even still there-- and also the monkey is biting your leg the entire time.

People tend to say that this monkey infestation is a gift because sometimes, occasionally, the monkey will rearrange the papers in a different, special way that makes a beautiful picture that no one’s seen before and you can share it for the world to enjoy and everything’s great, you’re just quirky!  People tend to forget that it can be like that, but 90% of the time it’s more like the monkey has decided to take a massive shit all over the one specific paper you needed really badly and then put it in front of your foot so you step in it and don’t notice until people point out you’re tracking monkey shit paper everywhere.  Anyway.

ADHD is a complex condition and difficult to diagnose because it has so many different varying symptoms, and one person who has ADHD may experience none of the symptoms than another person who also has ADHD does and vice versa because there is a lot.  ADHD also tends to go unnoticed because it overlaps symptoms with a LOT of other mental illnesses an individual might have, so you might not even know you have ADHD if you’re also, say, autistic or bipolar, or again vice versa, because there’s a lot of “same hat” stuff going on there.  

ADHD also can have its own subcategories of mental illness that can also stand on their own, like ADHD-induced anxiety or ADHD-induced depression.  It can be really confusing to know everything going on in your head and put a label on it; for example for me, my doctors and I think I’ve got a separate anxiety disorder that works on its own that my ADHD makes worse, but that the depressive episodes I can suffer likely stem from my ADHD, and don’t need to be tackled individually or say that I have depression.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) has previously identified three subtypes of ADHD:

Primarily Hyperactive-Impulsive type: Mainly have impulse control problems, tend to be impulsive, impatient, and interrupt others.  They fidget, hate sitting still/need to be in constant movement, tend to blurt out what’s on their mind or do what they feel like without thinking it through.  They’re constantly up with the thoughts in their head and have difficulty focusing on a single task unless they’re in hyperfocus mode (explaining more later)

Primarily Inattentive type:  Are easily distracted and forgetful.  Tend to be daydreamers who lose track of memories and personal items with regularity.

Primarily Combined type: Tend to display a mixture of both symptoms.  I was diagnosed as a child with the combined type but leaning more towards inattentive.

Anakin and Signs of ADHD:

SO.  For starters, I see Anakin as primarily combined type with heavy leanings toward hyperactive-impulsivity.  While this type is used to describe the stereotypical hyper little boy media tends to paint ADHD people as, adults can have it too and I see it a lot in Anakin.  ADHD magazine ADDitude gives examples of adults with h-i ADHD as people who find difficulty in waiting around for anything, interrupt others in conversation, make impulsive decisions, and have reckless driving skills.  Sound at all like someone we know?

Now Anakin absolutely checks all of the above boxes, but it’s way more than that, though.  I looked up Healthline’s basic signs and symptoms of Adult ADHD, and I am going to run down the list to show how basically all of them apply to Anakin Skywalker in one way or another.  Let’s begin!

Anakin and LACK OF FOCUS:  ADDitude suggests that saying ADHD people don’t have attention might be a bit misleading.  More accurately, ADHD people have tons of attention, we just can’t harness it in the right direction at the right time with any consistency.  In canon, it is made very clear to us very early on that Anakin has issues with some of the more spiritual aspects of Jedi training, like meditation, because he does not possess the focus necessary to concentrate.  We get other times when Anakin’s on missions with Obi Wan, where it is made clear Anakin has read the mission brief, but he hasn’t done a good job on it as he’s overlooked something.  He gets distracted while in diplomatic situations and Obi Wan needs to tell him to pay attention.  Palpatine is able to pull sketchy shit because he knows how to slip under Anakin’s radar while he’s not too focused on him.  Anakin isn’t always aware of his surroundings, seeing as how basically everyone who knows him knows about Padmé because he’s not good at being subtle; he’s not good at reading a room.  Canon has established that Anakin, while brilliant, has a very flighty attention span and unless it’s something that is deeply important to him or made glaringly obvious, his brain has a tendency to skip over it, and makes him less aware.

Anakin and HYPERFOCUS:  The flip side of ADHD focus issues.  While our brains don’t always want to pay attention to important rules or other peoples’ emotions or basically anything presented to us that we find boring in any shape or form, if we find something we like, we LATCH.  ON.  And we cannot stop concentrating on it, up until the point that we lose track of time and ignore others around us.  In canon, it is shown very easily what Anakin hyperfocuses on.  He’s described in several SW books and is shown in show and movies to completely go into a zone when in combat mode.  He’s good at it, he enjoys it, and saber skills is easily something that he can concentrate and get lost in.  Another obvious one is mechanics.  We see briefly in TCW and bits in the movies where when Anakin is fixing something or piloting something, he kind of drifts away from reality-- he’s got an ear on the situation if there’s danger of course, but he goes just solidly into Tech Mode where all he concentrates on is whatever he’s fixing/piloting at the moment, and that’s why he’s so skilled at what he does.  It’s also possible to hyperfocus on specific ideas or opinions, which you can see in basically every argument Anakin ever gets into with someone.  He’s like a dog with a bone on a topic he wants to discuss Right Now This Very Second and he will not let it go, nor will he allow you to either, because when we hyperfocus, our fixation can bleed into conversation until it takes control of the conversation, without us even knowing we’re doing it, so it can be surprising/embarrassing when someone points out we’re doing it. 

Anakin and DISORGANIZATION:  ADHD people basically struggle with organizational skills.  While we don’t see much of Anakin’s living spaces, we can see from the brief TCW snippets that his living quarters are a little cluttered.  However, he does run a relatively neat army-- though we don’t know how much of that has Rex, Ahsoka, Obi Wan, or someone else to thank for it.  In Anakin, most of the disorganization we see is in his mind.  Priorities can be an issue for ADHD people, and Anakin tends to prioritize the wrong thing at the wrong time at certain points.  He doesn’t always know what to say or how to say it, making him awkward and not very eloquent when speaking.

Anakin and TIME MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS: An issue that goes hand-in-hand with disorganization.  We have trouble using time effectively.  We procrastinate on things we don’t want to do, show up late, ignore things we consider boring, and the idea of the future or the past is overwhelming and or scary to us and can cause panic-- we need to focus on the now and the now alone because if we try to cross that bridge before we get to it, we might end up burning it.  All throughout TCW, we get Obi Wan in particular, but others as well, harping on Anakin for showing up late.  And, uh, he kinda does.  He makes it, he always does, but it’s always at the last minute just when everyone’s worried he’s not gonna show up.  He sometimes doesn’t go to important meetings.  He puts off paperwork.  Lots of people use all of this to make fun of him, be like “ah, he’s a bad Jedi, he’s lazy”, but like, that’s standard ADHD time management issues.  And fear of the future?  Hoo boy...  Anakin may handle his fears of the future in the literal worst way possible, but that overwhelming anxiety that everything’s rushing at you so fast and holy shit, you don’t have your shit together NOW, what the hell are you gonna do THEN, holy shit holy shit everyone’s gonna DIE PANIC PANIC DANGER PANIC--  Like, I get that.  I really do.  Fear of the future and inability to manage time overlap a lot.

Anakin and FORGETFULNESS:  ADHD have a tendency to forget important stuff, but here is where I remind y’all that not all ADHD people experience all the same symptoms, because Anakin actually has a really damn good memory.  Boy is sharp, he recalls really obscure stuff, and if you piss him off/do him a favor, he’s remembering that to his deathbed. Anakin, however, does display what is common in ADHD people, having a selective memory.  This goes hand in hand with our attention issues.  We remember what we focused on and that sticks in our mind: hopes, fears, interests, stuff like that.  Anything else?  Eh, if we didn’t notice it then, we’re not noticing it five years from then, or even five minutes from then.  That you can see in Anakin, where people like Ahsoka and Obi Wan have to teasingly remind him of important stuff that he tends to just shrug off like “oh yeah that thing that I didn’t care about then and don’t really care about now”, or he feels guilty cuz “oops I didn’t notice it then so now I’m lost”

Anakin and IMPULSIVITY: Aight y’all, this probably requires the least amount of explanation for Anakin Skywalker cuz the Star Wars narrative calls him impulsive like every ten seconds xD  ADHD people with impulsivity can be socially inappropriate (Anakin, always managing to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, king of escalating tense situations because he blurts out whatever he feels like), interrupt others (something Padmé and Ahsoka have both canonically called him on doing, he does it to plenty of others as well, Vader does it all the damn time by just force-choking people silent), rushing through tasks (”Oh Anakin, always on the move”.  He does not wait, he makes up plans as he goes, he’s constantly in motion), ACTING WITHOUT MUCH CONSIDERATION TO THE CONSEQUENCES (Examples: The entirety of Star Wars episodes 1-6, Star Wars: The Clone Wars)

Anakin and EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS: Alright, maybe THIS is the one that requires the least amount of explanation, haha.  ADHD peoples’ emotions seem constantly in flux.  We get bored easily and need constant entertainment. (Anakin running off doing crazy stuff seemingly for fun)  Small frustrations always feel like the end of the world because it takes over our entire brain. (Anakin being “overdramatic/overreacting”)  The slightest sense of rejection or negativity towards our ideas or anything we do can read as total hatred (this is called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, it SUCKS) so we’re oversensitive about criticism of basically anything.  RSD also means we’re paranoid that we’re not noticing other people’s emotions, so we always tend to worry everyone else hates us or our friends are going to leave us-- we have serious abandonment issues. (Basically all of Anakin worrying about the Jedi’s image of him, worrying about Padmé and Obi Wan loving him, freaking out over Ahsoka leaving, etc.)  Our mind is focusing on a million things at once so our emotions run super quickly, causing what looks like mood swings because in the time it takes someone to get surprised, we’ve already gone through surprise, confusion, realization, betrayal, fury, and sadness and are now “randomly” crying in front of you (Anakin and his mood swings).  Focus issues make us not realize that something we’re doing is upsetting/bothering someone unless they flat out say it, so we may seem mean/inconsiderate/careless (ok, not excusing that part of Anakin’s personality is that he’s just kind of a dick lol, but other stuff that he does seems accidental; he doesn’t want to hurt anyone he loves).

Anakin and POOR SELF-IMAGE:  HOOOO BOY THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!  So adults with ADHD are often hypercritical of themselves, which can lead to a poor self-image.  I do this a lot, and I can’t really explain why, just that I am frustrated with myself and need validation from outside sources.  Anakin verbally expresses this to Padmé and Palpatine in Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith especially with all his “I’m not the Jedi I’m supposed to be” bits, how he constantly puts pressure on himself in the novels to be “the very best, I have to be better than everyone, I SHOULD be”, the conflict with that Chosen One label and whether he believes it or not and the pressure he feels from others to fulfill it, to be the Hero With No Fear when he’s fucking terrified all the time.  He’s relentlessly hard on himself for his failures and is always looking for an insult in others’ words (Like if Obi Wan gives him gentle concrit, Anakin will subconsciously tear it apart to turn it into how Obi Wan has found an error with all of him and hates him and Anakin sucks). For all his pride in his abilities, Anakin really does not like himself, poor dear, and seeks outside validation in Padmé, Palpatine, and Obi Wan.

Anakin and LACK OF MOTIVATION: Also ties back to focus issues again, if we don’t like it, our brain won’t focus on it, and we can’t convince ourselves to do it.  We can see this in times where Anakin has to be gently (or not so gently) prodded by Obi Wan or Ahsoka or someone into doing some Jedi business Anakin considers annoying.

Anakin and RESTLESSNESS AND ANXIETY: It’s described as our “motor won’t shut off”.  We always need to keep moving and doing things, and we get frustrated when we can’t do something immediately.  There are also bodily tics with fidgeting or frequent hand movements.  We see this several times with Anakin during wartime, where he’s practically vibrating over having to play the long waiting game instead of rushing in and getting the job done immediately (See: on Naboo where Anakin is pacing a hole into the floor and Obi Wan is telling him to kindly chill pls).  Part of his issues in ROTS happen when he’s worked himself up into a frenzy over sitting not knowing what to do over what’s scaring him so he jumps the gun and goes with the first available (awful) option.  I don’t remember if this is Hayden or if this is me projecting, sorry, but I always feel that when I watch Hayden in the movies, he always portrays Anakin as vaguely squirmy/fidgety, not really ever sitting PERFECTLY still, like he’s always moving some body part, fiddling with something in his hands or on his clothes.  In TCW and the OT especially, we see how hand-wavey he is when he talks, especially when he’s pissed, then the Finger Wag Of Doom comes out, but his hands are ALWAYS in motion.

Anakin and FATIGUE: It’s as the word describes it, we feel tired.  All the craziness in our head is overwhelming and we just.  Feel.  Tired.  We don’t see this as clearly in Anakin because all the Jedi seem fatigued, they’re fighting a fucking hopeless war, but it’s definitely there.  He has sleeping problems with his dreams and nightmares that spawn from his anxiety that could easily be ADHD-induced; they’re there.

Anakin and HEALTH PROBLEMS: Long story short, it’s basically all your ADHD issues making you neglect to take care of yourself.  We see how Anakin has unhealthy coping mechanisms, neglects sleep, and throws himself into reckless, dangerous situations.  He does not take care of himself very well at all.

Anakin and RELATIONSHIP ISSUES:  Ruh roh...  Aight, so all of the symptoms above can very obviously prove to be hurdles in professional, romantic, or platonic situations.  We can see how all the above examples in Anakin have in one way or another caused an argument between himself and basically everyone he loves (Obi Wan, Padmé, Ahsoka), people he has to work with (the Jedi council, anyone he gets assigned to on a mission), and anyone else.  He’s not called a human disaster for no reason, his actions can make him rub people very much the wrong way, and being kind of lonely and awkward and with not many friends is unfortunately a common occurrence in the lives of ADHD people (It happened to me, and I would consider myself much more of a pleasant individual than Anakin (no offense, hon), other people who met me just thought I was “strange” and that was that).

WHEW.  So yes, all of the above state my reasons why I think Anakin Skywalker has ADHD (as well as anxiety, but that’s another post).  Please remember once more that these are MY EXPERIENCES AS AN INDIVIDUAL WITH ADHD and that once again, NOT ALL ADHD PEOPLE SHARE THE SAME EXPERIENCES/SYMPTOMS

I will give the two articles I bothered fact-checking with below, the one from Healthline and from ADDitude

If y’all wanna talk more about ADHD!Anakin or any other ADHD Star Wars characters or just neurodivergent Star Wars character headcanons with me, my inbox and DM’s are always open, I love talking about this!!!!!!!!!

[thistangledbrain]

Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month

Day 5!

“Special Interests”

Have a quiet Autie in your life? That won’t last long if you tap into their special interest. We can’t shut UP when we find someone who’s genuinely curious about what lights us up.

Every older Autie I know has at least one special interest, sometimes several.

Mine? Dogs. Primarily.

And I mean EVERYTHING dog, but starting with behavior. Then in no particular order, health/genetics, various breeds and their traits, training....literally everything. Even the genes that define coat color & pattern, and what physical genetics are tied to behavior (if you’re curious about that, start with the Russian studies about domesticated foxes and what happened to their red coats, the more tame they became). It was horses when I was younger, but I soon moved to dogs when getting into my late teens (more affordable and accessible I guess lol). And if I don’t know the answer to your questions, we find out together, because I *need* to know, too. 😉 I can talk dogs with you literally all day and never get bored...which helps socially, too (I’ve mentioned that most of my closest friends are dog people) - I have a larger network of friends than most other auties I know, and it’s because of a shared passion for all things dog. 
Then there’s the sciences, but particularly quantum & theoretical physics. I. Fucking. Love. Physics. LOVE IT. Unfortunately, my brain hits a wall with more advanced mathematics, so I can’t “do” physics on the level I want to. Luckily for me, my oldest son is also pretty obsessed with it, and he is now pursuing a degree in physics....so when he comes home, we sit down with his notes and he breaks it down for me (the language behind the experiment or action). I have pictures of his notes saved on my phone, for simply the silly reason that I like the patterns of the math (it’s the “universal language”, if you didn’t know), and like to daydream about understanding it. (He struggles with the math as well...we are both HEAVILY right brained...but he manages.) If there’s a documentary out there about physics (plus many lectures), I’ve probably seen it multiple times. Idk why quantum physics in particular interests me...maybe because it’s almost like magic. ☺️ Quantum entanglement fascinates me, and the theory that things aren’t what they are unless/until you observe them...I can get stuck absolutely obsessing over these things.

Nature/animals are the big background special interest that the specifics tie into, though (and this ranges from astrophysics to the life cycle and structure of an ant colony - and even human psychology). Concerning observable animal/plant nature though (and this is a big one for me), Sir David Attenborough is my hero lol- no one else answers the questions I have, and opens up the natural world for me, like that dude. It was Mutual of Omaha’s nature shows when I was a kid, now it’s him. Sorry not sorry, but a doc on the secret life of plants is *fucking riveting* to me. Science is my JAM! 😆 I am happy to recommend any docs to any other fellow science nerds (Through the Wormhole, The Elegant Universe, and Cosmos are all MUST SEE - if you’re a nature nerd, of course Blue Planet, Our Planet, Life...gosh. So many great series). When I get on a science kick, I get the same feelings I get when I’ve tapped into a difficult dog’s psyche, and we start to figure things out. It’s an absolute thrilling obsession, and I am very restless until all my “why/how” is answered. It’s never enough - I never know enough, and I never will.

It’s also an area where my perpetual 2-3 year old is consistently mostly satisfied. I mean that’s the whole scientific community in a nutshell LOL! “WHY?” “HOW?!” When I was a kid, I’d have to write down all my questions that weren’t answered by our Encyclopedias, and wait till the weekly library trip to find the answers I sought. Now, I have a smartphone and Google LOL....and I cannot even begin to describe how consciously thankful I am for that quick access to answers!! Questions will *eat me alive* sometimes, so answering them in a timely fashion is sooooo satisfying 😆

I guess I’m a bit of an artist/creative personality. I’m unhappy when I don’t have space to create....but that space is pretty damn large, because I’m into almost all of it (you can’t exactly fit a miter and bandsaw into your apartment studio, so I’m very grateful I have the space for the power tools LOL...)

From building things to fabric crafts, I love it all. I get way burned out if one of those things become a “job”, though (ehh except being paid as a regular employee of a historic renovation construction firm LOL) - something I HAVE to do. Then it’s not enjoyable anymore. I had started down a path of marketable creations, and they were in high demand...but then it became something I HAD to do for money, instead of wanting to do for enjoyment - and I haven’t touched that particular craft in 8 years or more now (which frustrates people, because I was good at it). 🤷🏻‍♀️ That’s one of those things I really can’t help. My oldest son seems to be sort of similar....he’s commissioned several pieces (and secured his first few at a VERY young age), but he also tends to get a little frustrated when he’s expected to create something, instead of the urge naturally striking him. The whole beauty and satisfaction from art - for me anyway - stems from pure imagination without constraints. When you’re doing something to please someone, it ceases being art, and turns into just...a skilled task you completed. That’s how I look at it, anyway. So even though I could actually make my art into a career (at least supplementary income), it ceases to be enjoyable for me *at all*, unless I’m creating something for someone who means a lot to me. That, and I really just prefer to give my stuff as gifts. It makes me feel good to see people light up with joy over what I’ve made for them, whatever it was. (I also do a shitload of remote training with people and their dogs, for free. I point folks towards the trainers I respect if they need extensive in person work, but lots of folks don’t have several hundred bucks to sink into understanding their dogs better...so...I just help where I can, now. I think it *used to* frustrate my husband, but he absolutely understands now & is cool with it.)

Oh. And rocks and minerals. I’m an obsessive rockhound LOL - and a cousin is a geologist, so he can break down how and why each is so unique, how it formed & why, etc. I’m actually currently converting a large yard sale antique wardrobe into a piece that can showcase Sir Tommy on one side, and my extensive rock and mineral collection on the other (waaaay not extensive enough, but you might be surprised how expensive quality specimens are. Take moldavite for example...fascinating thing...little chip of it about the size of your pinky nail will run you $20 +, because it’s rare. And yes I am fascinated by the metaphysical value attached to these minerals, and why that’s even a thing.) The way minerals form - let’s cite Aragonite as an example - just captivates me.

So I guess those are my main special interests! If you have a *young* Autie in your life, try to expose them to various things. To find a “special interest” is to find a way to ground ourselves. Special interests are a bit different than...well, I’m not sure what words work for stim interests that you can escape into for NT’s, but it’s less of an interest, and more of an obsession for us. It consumes us.

So anyway, EVERY Autie has a special interest. It could be science, it could be gaming (that’s a big one with lots of males, and not a small one for Autie women either, because it’s an escape you actually have to engage your brain in) or computers; it could be mathematics or art. It could be animals and nature. But eventually (for those of you with wee Auties), Your Pet Autie ™️ will find something that they absolutely obsess over & gets them excited to share their knowledge or creations with you. I encourage parents of auties to help them explore the world and find their niche. It helps us navigate your world, and find a way to be at home in it. It also gives us something to fixate on other than our bumbling attempts at fitting in to a world not built for us.

Circling back - if you know an autistic in your life that you want an “in” to get to know, start with their special interest. (Of course we recognize when you’re doing it just for the merits, versus when you actually want to learn something from us, but we appreciate both, really. It gives us a chance to ...idk. Feel important, maybe. At least that’s what it is to me, and my boys. We love to feel needed for our knowledge!)

Special interests are truly your “in” to an Autie, regardless of what their subject is.

So that’s MY take on the special interests. What lights your beloved Autie up?

[alluringoneirataxia]

Long Winding Road Stay Strapped My Dude

By: Astoria Cathryn Andromeda

Alrighty, this is a long one boys. So I touched briefly on this in my Welcome to Literally Everything post. No worries I'll recap you, so you don't have to switch back and forth. I just diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, and then ADHD when I was 18 years old, and even then I had to fight for it after countless hours of research. See, there seems to be a wee bit of misogyny in the neurodiverse diagnoses. When I say a wee bit, I mean that scientists used to think that only boy could be autistic or ADHD. They only studied autism in males. Fortunately, nowadays we know that girls can be autistic and/or ADHD, but we present the traits differently than boys, and a lot of our traits are played off due to gender roles in society. For example, being overly talkative in girls is called chatty, whereas boys who can't sit still are sent off for testing immediately. This also causes problems for the boys, because little Johnny gets put on Adderall at the ripe age of 6 years old, just because he can't sit still for 8 hours straight, which by the way should not be expected of any elementary school kid, By the time, he's 25 he's 1) completely dependent on amphetamines 2) his body will stop producing dopamine due to being on the medication for so long. Nicht Gut. Generally, boys who are on the spectrum get picked out earlier due to late speaking, or lack of social skills. This is the one thing that girls happen to do better than boys. Girls are good at masking, which is basically taking social traits, phrases, personalities, demeanor, and copying them. In public, they put on a mask and at home, they have a meltdown. Girls are still not picked up as being on the spectrum, because shyness is called being 'ladylike' and 'dainty', and having a meltdown is just because :( girls are oh-so emotional, boohoo. Anyways tons of women do not get diagnosed with autism until they are well into their adulthood, I actually can be considered lucky to have technically still been a teenager when we finally got all the pieces together.

Alright, let's start with I don't know me as a baby. I did not speak until I was 2 years old, and then it was immediately full sentences from then on. I didn't do the babbling thing, which I don't know how impactful that really is to the topic. I was a very shy little girl. I was teeny tiny, we didn't know I if I was going to make it to 5 feet tall until I had a big growth spurt in 7th grade. I am 5'2 now and definitely done growing in case you were wondering, so not that short anymore. I did not like talking to adults, especially strangers, especially men. I did not look anyone in the face, and I will always hide behind my parent's legs when they would try to introduce me to people. I am an only child, and I spent a lot of time entertaining myself. I always had seasonal affective disorder, where my grades would dip in the winter. My parents knew I had a timer, they had 45 minutes from the moment they stepped into a restaurant before I would start breaking down. If I got off schedule as a toddler in any form, it was a catastrophe. Or this is what my parents and family tell me. I didn't really notice. I did not like being out in public a lot, I was a very picky eater, and I was extremely hyper. I was a very eccentric child, I only had 1-2 close friends and they were always a very well-liked outgoing girl who I just followed around. Looking back, I don't know how we missed it. I was shy because I didn't understand how social interactions worked, I was anxious about it because I didn't understand, I had sensory overloads, routines, and a very bland diet with a safe food which was ketchup. I put that shit on literally everything, eas, apples, mac and cheese, pizza, all meat, anything something forced me to eat that I did not like. But because I could sit still in class, and because I could zone out and daydream all day through school and still make A's nobody ever flagged me for anything and how I was supposed to know that not everybody just copied other people, scripted things before they talked, and could never pay attention. My mom always required me to be in a sport, and I was a gymnast and a swimmer for a long time, two very high-intensity sports, to help lower my energy levels, and because my mom has mild depression and she knows that exercise does help. Skip to middle school, my mom tells me I'm being bullied at church. It's not that I wasn't observing my surroundings I knew I was being excluded, but I didn't understand vindictive behavior, I thought it was my fault. I had zero friends in 8th grade until I sat down next to a random acqutaince I had gone to school with since I was 4 and the same gymnastics place. Then we were immediately attached at the hip after that. She is my best friend due this day and definitely got me through high school. Led me through so many social situations without either of us knowing. I had a very close friendgroup in highschool, all of them were on the drumline which I met through my best friend, and my first boyfriend was my best friend's neighbor. I ended up playing bass guitar for my high school's indoor drumline, and it was the best experience ever. I love my friends, but I had really bad depression when I was 15-now:) jk It's better. I didn't really realize I was depressed, I just didn't want to go to school, or swim practice, or do anything so of course, my mom noticed, and then once it was pointed out to me it got worse. My severe anxiety spiraled with my depression. Senior year of high school, my boyfriend and I were like toxic star crossed lovers, hurting each other over and over again without meaning to. My friends and I were self harming, all my close friends gad some demon going on. I finally decided to try therapy again after the disaster of being forced to go when I was 15 and the lady told me I wasn't depressed because I had a boyfriend and good grades. It helped a bit, I was able to get my panic attacks under control. Then I went away to college and stayed dating my senior high school boyfriend, we were just up and down as always, but with slightly better communication. My freshman year of college I joined a fraternity, a research lab, and my first hs boyfriend/ex/best friend and I went to a Christian campus place. By second semester, I had a lot of people who knew me and talked to me, but I didn't have any close friends, and even less close friends who were girls. All my close friends who were girls were at another college. My parents were worried about me, so they made me rush a sorority, which I knew was never my scene, but my parents made me join and I found a few girls I liked. Soon I was going to 6 classes, fraternity chapter, research lab meetings, christain crash group meetings, soriorty pledge meetings all on every Tuesday. I was different person at each of these events and wore a different mask. I was having what I know now were autistic burnout meltdowns every single day on the phone in my crusty dorm's stairwell. It was not cute. His mental health had always been bad too. Finally I decide I need to try a psychatrist and go back to therapy, and then he broke up with me. Then I made my first close friend, a guy who was in 3 of classes, and I took him to my fraternity's formal, and then coronavirus happened.  Rona kinda saved my grades, and mental health by sending us home event though it did suck. I got on anti-anxiety meds and things went up, but I was still having what I thought were panic attacks, they were austistic meltdowns. My psychiatrist, he's kinda an asshole, he diagnosed me with Obessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. I'll insert definition here: (OCPD) is a personality disorder that's characterized by extreme perfectionism, order, and neatness. People with OCPD will also feel a severe need to impose their own standards on their outside environment.> Basically hr told me I had rules for everything like how everyone drives on the right side of the road, but nobodythinks about it andwhen I broke one of my rules I got depressed, and when wasn't perfect I got depressed, and when I made an A I was relieved not proud. The diagnosis seemed to fit really well, and my therapist and I started working finding my rules, and getting rid of the bad ones, and making the others less harsh. I had thought every once and in a while in my life when I was really upset, what if I'm on the spectrum, because I just felt so hopeless for social interactions and I didn't understand. I always felt like I was a very specific person, but after the ocpd I started thinking more and more, and I saw a tik tok of a girl with lae diagnosed autism basically describing me and ranting about the misogyny. I did more research and I decide, yea I'mm gonna bring it up to mypsychatrist well he's a dick, so he was like um you don't act like sheldon cooper from the Big Bang theory,and I was like wellI just I have always thought I might have adhd like be neureodiverse, and he was like your grade point average in hs was a 97.8%, you're not adhd. I immediately cried, because I can't handle when anyone says anything in a even a slightest stringent tone. I'm baby, I know lmao. It made me angry though because I felt like he just brushed away all of my struggles I had in my whole life. I spent hours researching and typed up a 47 page document on evidence for why I was on the spectrum, and had my parents help will some of checklists to make sure I was getting outside perspectives. I rally my parents to be my back up and next psychiatrist appointment we actually talk about it and he asked my parents questions about when I was young and such and finally he was okay you're on the spectrum. I felt so validated and like I could start being myself. I slowly got more and more confident, changed my style of clothing, and researched more about adhd pushed to be tested, and oh look at that I also have ADHD. So basically discourse: "I feel like as a child I coded a machine to do life for me so I didn’t get bothered except I didn’t know about the machine I thought i was the machine and now I’ve become self aware and I have to learn how to read the code and rewrite the code because it’s dysfunctional because I’m not functioning well as a human being. I was really shy as a child. I would turn beat red when people talked to me or looked at me so I think I started cookie cutting situations and using them over and over again because they worked until I accidentally hard wired these expansion rules and expectations for myself. I didn’t may attention is class ever I just day dreamed and if I got good grades i wouldn’t be bothered i could just stay in my head and if I did my sport well my parents didn’t bother me. I was never asked if I did my homework I just did it so I wouldn’t be asked and have to deal with that situation. I would cookie cutter situations in class that would draw the least attention to myself.

I feel like i don’t have friends I just fulfill the expectation like a side quest on video games" I wrote this down pre autism confirmation when i just thought I had ocpd. Now I don't directly identify with ocpd, but I definitely think I developed that personality disorder a bit from living with undiagnosed autism. I am linking below the very informative Tik Toks by the lovely Paige on autism in girls. The imposter syndrome one really hit home. I had had so many panic attacks about thinking I tricked people into being my friend, or thinking I was smart.

I highly suggest watching these short tik toks, you'll definitely learn something

https://vm.tiktok.com/wVvcYA/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wqRRUf/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wnqhvX/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wqeyYg/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wnoE7u/

https://vm.tiktok.com/Kas6gB/

https://vm.tiktok.com/owM9hs/

Imposter syndrome

I am also linking an article about Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory and Autism that explains why my psychiatrist was wrong, and also I am a girl and the spectrum is called a spectrum because it's a fucking spectrum no two autistic people are exactly the same it's like a color wheel.

http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/problem-sheldon-cooper-and-cute-autism-387783

Here is a fun comic about the spectrum and how to view it.

https://the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

I am still learning about myself, and how to be me, and how to be myself but without breaking bad social rules. It's quite humorous though because I'll learn something is related to autism and I'm like oh shit again, like still, like, we're still discovering things.

"Tu ne me manques pas"

Bis später,

Astoria.

[allysartstuff]

[Kofi] [Picarto] [Commission Info]

-

Some may already know I retconned RariPants a little. Digital Art > Drawings > Movies & TV"> I didn’t include Fancy here as this whole thing was big enough already, might make a different post with just him. All the kids cutie marks are the same, just didn't want to draw them.

Rarity

Rarity’s first marriage to Fancy Pants wasn’t as smooth as she hoped. Before, they were on friendly terms and got along well. However, that all changed after a drunken night out in which Rarity became pregnant. Initially, he wanted Rarity to have an abortion descreetly and even offered her money to do so. Rarity, after long talks with her family and friends, decided she had enough emotional and financial support to raise her baby and told Fancy it was his decision if he wanted to be involved or not. Fancy decided he did want to be involved but, unbeknownst to Rarity, planned to woo her so that would marry him and not ‘live in shame’ (Fancy was older than Rarity, had some pretty old fashioned views and liked younger mares anyway). Luckily for him, his plan worked and Rarity fell pretty dang hard for his charm and gentleman ways and they married roughly a year after their first son was born, then called Chic Magnifique.

For the first few years, everything was good. Rarity moved to Canterlot where Fancy and Rarity raised Chic together and eventually decided to have another baby, Ace Dandy. But things started to gradually change. Fancy started staying out later and later, leaving Rarity to raise two very rambunctious boys on her own while working on her three shops from home. When she asked for help (like, y’know raise your fucking kids and no it’s not babysitting, dammit Fancy), his idea was to vigorously train them as perfect little elites. When Rarity saw the negative effects this had on the boys, she blew her top, resulting in many massive arguments. During this time, Rarity finally saw Fancy for who he really was and left him, returning to Ponyville with her sons.

Fleur de Lis

Many years before Rarity met Fancy, Fleur was Fancy’s secret personal bodyguard. A native of Prance and a former secret agent, she came to work for Fancy by chance. Often, Fleur would act like a typical trophy wife who would over fawn and simper over Fancy while on the lookout for anyone who could harm him. She is full capable of kicking anyone’s ass and had saved his butt on a few occasions. The pair became really good friends and the two fell in love and married. However, things began to de-escalate when Fancy wanted her to be his trophy wife for real. After only a year of marriage, Fleur noped out of that relationship and quietly moved to Ponyville, becoming a private Prench teacher while ignoring the Canterlot gossip surrounding her.

A few years later Rarity and Fleur have a chance meeting and, after getting over the awkwardness of the whole ‘holy shit, it’s my ex-husband’s ex-wife, oh fuck’ thing, they begin an understanding friendship and reguarly have tea together. They soon develop real, honest feelings for each other, especially when Fleur got on so well with Chuck and Ace. With the boys’ very eager blessing, Rarity and Fleur marry and have their own child, Opal, via Twilight’s IVF spell. Fancy was not a happy bunny when he found this out.

Chuck Lindsneigh (formerly Chic Magnifique)

A ecentric pony who doesn’t know the volume of his own voice, Chuck is passionate and anything but subtle. He loves nothing more than to go on rousing adventures, fly his plane (which he crashes a lot) and return lost/stolen artifacts to the indegious races of Equestria and beyond. He has a very strong sense of wrong and right and will not rest until it is right again. Despite having a savant-like intelligence in planes, archaeology and ancient pony societies, Chuck has difficulty understanding basic visual communication so he often fails to understand other feelings (eg, why his brother continues to keep in touch with their father) and can be easily lied to (eg, he has fallen for many a scam by Jammie Dodger). This is due to him being autistic, which wasn’t diagnosed until he was an adult, something Rarity feels terribly guilty for. May have an on/off no strings attached relationship with Orin every time he winds up in Manehatten. Hates Fancy Pants and often deliberately sends him bills to places he’s damaged by his plane crashing.

Ace Dandy

Ace lives up to his name as a hoofball superstar, the sport introduced to him by his grandfather Hondo Flanks, as a way to cope with his parent’s divorce. Although smaller than Chuck, he is easily physically stronger and incredibly fast, having both played for Ponyville and Canterlot teams. He takes his celebrity status and image very seriously, taking care of his appearance but also showing endless kindness by donating endlessly to charities and signing every autograph asked from him. As good as his intentions are, this stems from an underlying need to be perfect. His elite training from Fancy and his parents divorce resulted in severe issues. He’d sooner ram his head in a wall than get one thing wrong and little Ace blamed himself for the divorce, despite Rarity’s insistence than it wasn’t his fault. Because of this, Ace accepts his father back in his life when Fancy returns, much to Chuck’s disgust. They have an ok father son relationship but Ace stresses when Fancy makes a minor passing comment or action that something’s not to his liking. Basically, this boy is 50% muscle, 50% anxiety. Ace lives with his long-term boyfriend Bramble at Grand-Pear’s old house. The two are very sugary sweet and don’t know the meaning of PDA. But what Ace loves most about Bramble is his down to earth nature and it never fails to put him at ease (also, he has a cute butt).

Opal

Opal is Rarity’s third and final bab and Fleur’s only biological child. The youngest sib at seventeen, Opal get’s really excited at the most boring things imaginable. She looooves rocks and often believes she was born the wrong species (Opal has a deep admiration for Earth Ponies). As a child, Opal loved going with Rarity on her gem expeditions, although she was more interested in the rock around the glittering gems. She is completely obsessed with Maud Pie and Maud, a little amused and touched by Opal’s eagerness, took it upon herself to become her mentor (Opal fainted on the spot when she was told this). Opal is also autistic (diagnosed as a child and Rarity and Fleur recognised the signs), like Chuck, and will info-dump the hell out of you about rocks. She struggles with reading other’s facial expressions but otherwise is a happy wee soul. Most of the time. Opal was blessed with both her mothers’ beauty which attracted the attention of many teenage colts but they soon dumped her when they realised she would never shut up about rocks. This would plummet her confidence for a while until a meddling little Hullabaloo set her up with his mortified brother Lucky Bug. Now the two can enjoy talking about rocks, bugs and do any cute smooshy teen romance stuff to their hearts’ content.  

Extras;

Bramble does not like Fancy one bit, but Ace begs him to be nice when Fancy visits as Bram is known to saying exactly what he thinks.

Chuck loves his family (besides he-who-shall-not-be-named) and pops in every now and again, announcing his return by slamming the door open and yelling, “What-ho!”

Fleur taught all of the kids Prench which they are all fluent in (although Chuck’s accent is atrocious).

When Rarity and Fleur became engaged, Chuck and Ace asked her if they could call her ‘Maman’. She cried ugly tears of joy at that.

Chuck and Ace adore their little half sister and would probably stomp on all of her ex-boyfriends if given the chance.

Opal was born via emergency c-section. Fleur will tell anyone who would listen that her c-section scar is her favourite of all her scars.

Ace is willing to model any new line of clothes Rarity makes.

-

My Little Pony, Rarity and Flaur de Lis (c) Hasbro

Chuck Lindsneigh, Ace Dandy and Opal (c) me

[rowanthestrange]

Tis the season to make £70 impulse-buys of the new Doctor Who Scarf.

Thanks to Paul Smith I now own A Fashion, so I thought for everyone who isn’t going to drop this stupid amount of money on a scarf, that Doctor Whool and I should probably give a bit of an infodump on it. Read and AMA I don’t cover.

So first, Side A and Side B have different colour blues. If you’re hand-knitting this then that is going to mean some serious double-layering, and I’d just pick a blue from one side, or a mix, and go with it. Or just accept the intarsia will kill you anyway so you might as well go the whole hog, I dunno, I’m not your dad.

Width of the whole thing is 30cm exactly. Length is roughly 180cm which is taking into account 5cm of tassels each end, so is about 170cm without them.

There are 100 tassels per end, which are continuations directly from the scarf columns, and is where the ‘double layering’ is most noticeable, and the ones at the end have split into their two sides (with no unravelling, damage signs etc.)

There are 19 colours in that stripy section, all about 2 stitches wide, and each colour’s width about 5.7mm. That rainbow section comes to about 11cm overall, 18.5cm for the blue section, and about 5mm for the last pink stripe.

It feels very soft, your standard machine knitted wool scarf. £70 doesn’t net you much difference in my opinion, but then I’m a simple man who may not understand the facets of these things. I can tell you as an autistic person though that it isn’t itchy. It also isn’t immediately absorbing every water drop that lands on it, but it’s not a particularly weather resistant sort. Dries quick. Likes to attract every bit of pet hair and fluff, but does actually bash off easily. Comfy. Doesn’t get too sweaty. Not inclined to suddenly slide and garrotte you. Definitely could see the Doctor wearing it (presuming someone else bought it for her anyway), but doing what I’ll be doing, and removing the labels, because fashion or not, if you leave those labels in, you can’t wear it light side out without looking like a clod. Which is boring. A reversable scarf is clearly better.

I’d say it’s a wee bit darker than the promo pics suggest, except for the pink stripe at the end, which is very bright indeed.

So, to the colours. Obviously colour is subjective. The photos above are pretty good but even they make it seem a little bit brighter. I’ll try and describe them best I can below the cut, for the people who are deeply interested:

(I’ll be referring to wools that are common in the UK, but if your wool providers are different, you should still be able to have a Google and see what I mean).

Red. Standard bright red, can’t go wrong there. Standard Marriner red is great.

Burgundy. Or maroon. (Burgundy is red + purple, maroon + brown, but they look similar enough here that no-one’s going to quibble).

Dark burgundy or dark wine. Here it’s your darkest colour, and it shows. A hint of purple will help it blend with the next stripe better, but you might be able to get away with a reddy-brown. Your call.

Purple/Dark purple. On the violet end in my opinion.

Light(er) purple. Almost an exact match with Cygnet DK Lt. Mauve.

Pink/Dark pink. Matches well with Cygnet DK Cerise.

Flame orange. One of those colours you know when you see it. Cygnet DK Rust (the colour it actually is, not the faulty colouring on the website and Amazon) is a great match. King Cole Dollymix DK Flame is close too, if a shade brighter.

Light orange. A rich saffron would potentially do you at a push.

Sort of lemon yellow. You don’t want neon, but still that...sometimes almost unpleasantly yellow colour. Daffodil would be a bit too warm sort of yellow (though in practice here would almost certainly be acceptable). Marriner’s yellow seems pretty accurate here, but it’s a tricky one. I’d just go with whatever and don’t strive for perfection - yellows are tricky.

A very slightly greener darker yellow than the previous yellow. That’s all I can call it. If you have an extremely yellowy green then go for it. These two columns are almost indistinguishable from afar. Honestly you’d do it a favour by making the colours more separate. 

Khaki green. I’ve been searching for this precise colour for ages, and the closest it comes to is a Debbie Bliss cashmerino aran called Bark. You’re looking for a bit more brown than green here - muddy.

Dark teal/Dark Wintergreen. Too much green to be cyan/aqua. (But of course with your scarf you should use what you like).

Light Wintergreen. See above.

Petrole. On the greener end. Fits pretty well with Cygnet DK Petrole. (They should be sponsoring me at this point).

Prussian blue. Or the bluer end of petrole. Had to look this colour up.

Not white - a very Light Blue. Hard to find a fit. Cygnet DK Bluebell is pretty close but a tad too purple, and James Brett Top Value (i spare no expense) DK Light Blue is almost /too/ light and bright. Sirdar Snuggly DK Twinkle Toes, is a bit more green-tinged than the real thing, but would be the one I think I’d go with because it blends out of that section quite nicely.

Light blue. The standard kind. Honestly a bit duskier would be good, but something simple like Marriner DK pale blue looks alright.

Royal blue. Or Marriner DK ‘blue’. Standard school jumper blue colour.

Navy blue. The last stripe here is dark and easy to miss. Marriner DK Navy Blue is close, but i imagine most navy blues will work here.

The Big Blocks Of Blue:

Side A: Eleven’s TARDIS blue. Somewhere in the valley between royal and navy.

Side B: Light teal on the bluer side. Very unique colour (joy). If cornflower and turquoise had a baby, this would be that baby. It’s not too bright, and it’s definitely blue - the green is a hint, not the majority colour, so don’t tie yourself in a knot and think a light sea green is gonna work - it won’t. The photo above is pretty accurate - hold it up next to some wools in a shop, spend three weeks trying to find the right colour, and then say screw it and buy the cornflower.

Doctor Whool’s: Saxe Cygnet DK. It’s a pretty nice middle ground between em.

And the final stripe:

Neon Pink. I’m serious, it’s neon pink (Marriner DK’s fits perfectly), no doubt. But remember it’s your scarf and you can go a bit darker to fit the general colours better. I went with fuschia for Doctor Whool.

‘But what about Doctor Whool’s Scarf?’ Nobody cries. DK wool on 2.25mm needles (that’s right chickens, needle sizes are guidance only), knit lengthways to fit as many colour stripes in as possible. About 128 stitches, which yes, on 25cm needles was a bit of a push. Some colour tweaks to keep overall feel. Marriner DK Red, M. Dark Red, M. Pale Rose, Cygnet Superwash Geranium, Stylecraft Special Saffron, Sirdar Snuggly Elfin, C. Bluebell, C. Saxe, C. Fuschia.

And now to put all these back.

Happy Holidays, y’all

[finneganoriordan]

In other writing news, a bit of a title change and other updates:

The Crimson Clocktower Series is now just The Clocktower Series, with each book being named for the color of the clocktower. For instance, book one is The Ebony Clocktower. In case you have no idea what I’m talking about:

This is Henry. He’s a non-verbal, teacher’s aide, who’s also a maladaptive daydreamer. Yes, I have created another autistic cinnamon roll.

This is Evy. She’s also a non-verbal, maladaptive daydreamer. After meeting Henry, they find out that they share daydreams and that they lead to real places.

This is Dameler. He is a traveling scribe that Henry and Evy meet in a bioluminescent world of perpetual darkness called Lumin. They aren’t quite sure where he’s from or why he’s there, but they take an instant liking to him, especially Henry. Soon, they realize that they’ve been brought to this world for a reason and that there are more daydream realms out there that need their help. Read below for a wee excerpt of chapter one!

Chapter One

 Henry Worthington had floppy, ginger hair. He kept it that way because he liked the way it looked and also, because it came in handy. He was currently taking advantage of it. His head was down and slightly to the side, which caused his wavy locks to fall into his field of vision. As Mrs. Delaware continued to talk, he shifted slightly to look at the little girl. She was ten, he’d been informed, and she was still staring at him. A big, bright smile was being directed his way, or so it seemed, and he found it highly disturbing. He put his head down, hoping she might just go away while he wasn’t looking.

“Henry, are you alright? You look like you haven’t heard a word I’ve said.” Mrs. Delaware was a tall, plump woman who might have been intimidating if she hadn’t been so soft spoken and kind. “I said, Evy uses sign language as well. I was hoping you’d help her teachers, at least with the subjects you’re good at.”

Henry peaked out from behind his hair and looked at Evy again. By then, the little girl had left the two of them behind and was staring, wistfully, out a window. Henry knew the look very well. He looked back at Mrs. Delaware, finally making eye contact, and nodded.

She smiled and thanked him before gesturing towards his charge. “I’ll let you get to know each other a little.”

Henry worked as a teachers’ assistant at The Delaware School; a learning center Mrs. Delaware and her late husband had started. Most of the students were autistic with a smattering of other children and adults. It was a place where special interests were nurtured into careers and people were taught in the style that best fit them. Many people, like Henry, went on to teach there. Because he was non-verbal, it sometimes made communicating with others difficult. Learning sign language had helped, but he still didn’t feel comfortable enough to try teaching his own classes. Henry didn’t really mind. Being an assistant let someone else shoulder most of the responsibility and gave him time to focus on other interests.

He noticed that the girl was quietly humming to herself and seemed to be unaware that she was bouncing back and forth from foot to foot. A small smile touched Henry’s lips and he quietly moved to her side. Then he knelt down and carefully waved at her. After a few tries, she finally noticed him and, when she turned, he signed, “Hello.” She seemed overly happy to see someone else who knew sign language and, when she quickly signed back and flashed him her grin again, Henry tried very hard not to grimace.

He took a deep breath before signing, “Slower, please.”

It turned out that all of the excitement was about the daydream she’d been having. Henry was a daydreamer too, but he’d never heard of anything as elaborate as what she described. She’d created a world of trees and flowers of all colors. She knew every trail through the forest, the places they led like fairy pools and waterfalls, and the people who lived there. She wasn’t sure exactly who they were, but she thought they must have been some kind of fairy. She knew all their routines, what they ate, where they lived and everything else about them. Henry was very impressed. His daydreams mostly centered around strange places as well, but he’d never got to know any of the people living there. He was content with just world building.

Henry’s best subjects were music and cooking, though he knew a ten year old girl would need to learn more basic subjects, so he sat in on her Science and Literature classes. He had little aptitude in Math or Social Studies so he let another teachers’ aide take things from there. Unfortunately, Evy didn’t seem to need much help in Literature class anyway. Along with her daydreams, books seemed to be chief amongst her special interests. Her hands flew, sometimes faster than Henry could pick up on, and the teacher was hard pressed to find anything she hadn’t read.

Evy’s first day of school went well, though it was a bit exhausting for Henry. He wasn’t used to spending so much time with any given student. Mrs. Delaware had been proud though and that made it worth it for him. When the day was over, he was saddened to find out that Evy had no family. Her parents had died when she was very young and no one had been found who could take her in. She now lived in a large group home. It was something Henry was familiar with. He was twenty-five now and had yet to truly live on his own. The truth was, he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

The next morning, Henry woke up, looked at his clock and, as per usual, closed his eyes again. He dozed off and on, waiting until the very last minute to get up. His bed was safe and warm and he liked having the time to himself. Henry was very tall and thin, which caused his feet to stick out from the sheets most of the time. It was his cold feet that finally prompted him to get up, though he wasn’t really ready. Luckily, he had a room to himself in a three bedroom house he shared with two others and, by the time he’d got up, they had already finished their bathroom routines.

Every inch of Henry’s six foot, two inch body was covered in dark freckles, something he didn’t really mind, but he hated making contact with his own green eyes in the bathroom mirror. It was difficult to avoid between brushing his teeth and shaving his strawberry blonde whiskers, but he went about it that morning without too much distress.

He had an extensive wardrobe, mostly because he was prone to buying unique looking clothing on a whim. He only actually wore about a third of it, picking what looked comfortable on any given day. Today it was old-fashioned sponge bag pants, for their light bagginess and the fact he could pair them with a nice looking waistcoat for a little pressure around his midsection. The day before had been a bit overstimulating for him and he could use the comfort to help calm his nerves. He enjoyed working with Evy, even if it was a little exhausting having someone else around so much.

As he walked out of his room and into the common area, he was immediately besieged by one of his roommate’s music. It was a soothing, instrumental piece that reminded him of a daydream he once had. After a moment, he shook his head and cleared his thoughts. He had too much to do and didn’t want to be late. Suddenly, though, the music changed to something much louder and complicated. Henry gasped and instinctively threw his hands over his ears.

“Sorry!” his roommate called and then turned off the music. “Too early in the morning?”

Henry nodded and then, slowly, brought his hands down. Then he opened the refrigerator door and found a pint of milk that someone had dyed green. He laughed and held it up.

His roommate chuckled too. “Hey, breakfast is supposed to be the most important meal of the day, right? And I figured, since you only eat green food, why not?”

[anautisticdragon-blog]

“It’s ‘im wot did it officer, that bluddy dragon!”

An Autistic Dragon?

It's interesting, innit? Why an autistic dragon? I wanted to write a post about the title of my blog for... a good many reasons. Catharsis is amongst them, I felt like writing something very personal about myself, and it's a little apropos of kerfuffly doings of late. Drama, dogma, & dragons. What have I learned? I can't say that neurotypicals make for particularly convincing dragons, that's for certain. I believed that one area where I might be able to bond with an NT is over dragons, so that's where I began to look for one that might be possessed of a wee bit more self awareness than I'm used to witnessing from NTs. What it did was help to solidify my emotional connection with dragons, and to add further detail to those thoughts. Why is a dragon a dragon? Why do dragons do what dragons do? Why are NTs drawn to them for all the wrong reasons? And is that what gave rise to the ridiculous parody of dragons in contemporary NT-focused media? These are fun questions! Invigorating, even. I want to talk about them! I like questions! I'm not even going to draw your own conclusions for you, either. I just want to ask more questions. So why does a dragon, dragon? In other words, why does a dragon do the things it does? So let's look at that, eh? Can we say that dragons, in general, are closer to us on the sapience scale than the majority of animals? If so, why would such a creature spend their life hiding in a cave? You see, if the dragon was an NT I'm quite certain they'd be attending balls and haute couture shindigs. They're not, though, are they? The dragon is portrayed as being uncertain around humans, unsure, and perhaps even a little afraid despite their immense power. Can we blame them? How many dragons have had to put up with a bunch of scruffy brigands bursting into their lair and attempting to kill them for their hoard under the manufactured pretence of heroism? Humans are greedy, after all. So if a dragon claims possession over desirable shiny wot them rich people might like, well, it's only fair to spread some rumours about the dragon's villainy, eh? The dragon isn't like 'us,' you see, so the people aren't going to bother questioning these rumours, it's more than likely true that the dragon is doing these things "Right bluddy suspect if you ask me, 'iding owt int' cave up there. I mean, woss 'e up to then, eh? Plannin' our bloomin' demise if you ask me! I says we kill 'em 'fore 'e kills us!" Now replace dragon with Muslims. If you're especially alt-right inclined and you believe in white genocide, then you'll want to be replacing dragon with Jews. Yeah. An NT dragon is sort of like an honest politician. It may actually exist, but it's so rare that the chances of us ever finding one are so improbable that we might as well deem it statistically impossible. You see, even if they experience prejudice, people on the neurotypical spectrum tend to turn around and hate other people just as much. Trans-exclusionary feminists, gay people turning against transgender people, et cetera. And when they haven't even experienced a whit of prejudice? Not a modicum? Not even a tiny, wee amount? That's what brings about the alt-right. You see, the fellow who fancied himself as a dragon was like that. Straight, white, cis-gendered, of able body and mind, quite well off, and without a care in the world. This sorry bastard genuinely believes that the pushback against his own prejudices against the 'lesser tribes' is a prejudice in and of itself. He actually believes he's experienced prejudice. I had to have a bit of a giggle. When I asked this fellow what he liked about dragons? It was that they were powerful, of course. An apex predator. It's funny because that's not really what dragons are, are they? Often, they're brought low by a group of four humans in silly attire, as they have so little fight left in them. I think that dragons are as tired of a world so chock-full of parasites as I am. It's easy to just give up. I wouldn't be surprised if that's how every NT views dragons. It explains how we went from Dragonheart and Flight of Dragons to Skyrim and Game of Thrones, doesn't it? And the less they're able to be articulate, soft spoken, and empathetic the better. Why else amputate a dragon's forelegs? Remove her hands and she can't emote any longer, easier to portray her as an engine of sheer destruction then. I think that's why we have this ridiculous parody of dragons now, right? In Skyrim, Game of Thrones, and others. It's because of this perception of dragons that NTs have, that they're only appreciated for their power. Initially, religion had the NTs hate dragons as instruments of the devil so the niche of non-NT spectrum people who enjoyed them didn't have to worry, but as religion wanes they're entering into the NT consciousness. S'funny really because the Celtic peoples (hello, I'm from Cymru!) loved dragons. They believed that they were innately lovely, wonderful, and kind. Until Christianity twisted that. Not 'us' you see. So dragons continue to be altered to be more applicable to what the NT crowd wants of them, either as allies or as enemies. Dragons are creatures of power; Alien, cold, and vile. That's what the NT acquaintance liked about them, and what he thought was worth emulating. That's not a dragon, silly. That's another toxic construct of the 'alpha' philosophy. I'm 'an' autistic dragon as I'm sure there are other otherkin out there who're not on the neurotypical spectrum who'd be fully as able as I to be at least a little bit authentically dragon, as they'd understand what makes for a dragon. A dragon is a non-human being, old as the hills, and as wise as so much time has allowed them to be. They're gentle, kind, thoughtful, and poetic, but also tragic in how they're demonised just for being different. Because seriously, for every group of adventurers that bursts into their lairs with claims of wrongdoing, I'd want to see the bloody evidence. These fantasy worlds need police departments. I would be a dragon detective! I want to write a series of stories about being a 'Fantastic Crimes Division' detective now, the kind of person who investigates the kinds of things that people claim dragons do. God damn I want this to exist. What was I talking about? Oh. Right. Neurotypicals aren't convincing dragons as they're effectively the antithesis thereof. Their mindset is contrary to what a dragon is, after all. That's why I'm going to stick to autistic otherkin from now on, they get it. An autistic dragon because I've never seen an NT one.