#(me: 'I wanna talk about something other than Neil Gaiman' also me: the above)

[queerbauten]

#isnt amanda palmer like racist as well? or at least acts like an entitled white woman

Yeahhh. Case in point: look up "Amanda Palmer N-Word" on YouTube.

(And of course, because this website loves to make Gaiman into this innocent creature who has nothing to do with Amanda, she very much used the N-word on their joint album, An Evening With Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer (as an introduction to... a racist song). He would have not only heard her use of the slur, but he would have then said, "Yes, I am perfectly fine with this word appearing under my name." He is not innocent.)

I love that people in my notes are calling Neil Gaiman a “random Jewish celebrity” that I’m baselessly attacking, as though: 1) “Israel has the right to exist” is not textbook Zionism; 2) he was not married to Amanda Palmer when she performed in Israel (in spite of calls for her not to do so); and, 3) he isn’t a wildly successful author and artist that this website worships

There are plenty of Jewish celebrities who give me no reason to think about their stance on Zionism! There are plenty of gentile celebrities who do! Get a grip!

[dailylogyn]

Logyn Meta: Loki & Sigyn’s Relationship in Mythology

It’s a classic tale, and arguably one of the most famous in mythology: How Sigyn held a bowl above her lover’s head to shield Loki from the snake’s venom, in turn, holding back Ragnarok a little longer. 

But how did Loki and Sigyn come to be married? How did they meet? How did they fall in love? 

With so many questions, but few answers we are left with in what has survived with the stories today, we are often left to ponder how the story of Loki and Sigyn came to be. As have many others before me, I will be exploring my thoughts with what information we are given to ponder as to how these two lovers became a thing.

To answer this question, we must go back to the beginning where Sigyn was first introduced to us in the mythologies, presenting the ONLY information we know about their relationship -- specifically: The Poetic Edda & Prose Edda.

In the poem, Lokasenna, the most famous of poem’s with the couple, it talks of how Loki has been bound by the gods with the guts of his son, Nari, and how his son, Vari, has been turned into a wolf. The Goddess Skadi fastens a venomous snake over Loki’s face, from which venom drips. Sigyn, stated as Loki’s wife, stays by his side and holds a basin under and catches the venom so it won’t drip onto her husband, but when the basin grows full, she pulls it away to empty it, during which time venom drops onto Loki, causing him to wither so violently that earthquakes occur that shake the entire earth. 

In the poem, Gylfaginning, Sigyn is introduced in Chapter 31 as being married to Loki and that they have a son by the name of “Narfi or Nari”. She is then mentioned again in Chapter 50 where events are described differently than in Lokasenna; Vali, described as a son of Loki only, is changed into a wolf by the gods and rips apart his brother, “Narfi or Nari.” The guts of Nari are then used to tie Loki to three stones, after which the guts turn to iron, and Skadi places a snake above Loki. Sigyn of course catches the venom in a bowl. This process is repeated until he breaks free, setting Ragnarok into motion.

In the poem, Skáldskaparmál, Sigyn is introduced as a goddess, an Æsir, where the gods are holding a feast for their visitors and in kennings for Loki: “husband of Sigyn” and “cargo [Loki] of incantation-fetter’s [Sigyn’s] arms.”  

Now, knowing the little knowledge we have on their relationship, it’s time to explore it from the Viking’s point of view, which is where this all pretty much originated from, in order to understand it better.

Viking Way of Love and Life

I’m no expert in this category, in fact, I’m still learning about it as I go, but there are some important key things to note here about the Viking’s POV on things and how it ties into Loki & Sigyn’s relationship. 

Divorce was completely acceptable in Viking Times. In fact, women could own property, request a divorce and reclaim dowries if a marriage ended. She could divorce him for a good number of reasons actually. 

Women often remained faithful to their husbands, although they were known to have extramarital sex. If they were caught cheating by the husbands, it usually ended pretty badly for the women. 

A Man couldn’t marry his concubine, so his wife wouldn’t have to feel threatened about competition. They usually all lived in the same household. Adultery concerning the husband was okay, but not the wife.

Vikings didn’t categorize people as homosexual, bisexual, straight or etc.They differentiated between submissive and dominant roles in sexual relationships. Homosexuality was acceptable with limits.

Poetry was a big part of Courtship. 

Typically marriage was usually for alliances, set up by families and parents. However, this doesn’t mean there wasn’t romance or love between couples or potential marriages. 

Family life was important to Norse Men and people usually aimed to survive: typically by marrying and having children. 

How does this apply to Loki and Sigyn? Now, let’s dive into the typical hypothesis of their relationship. I call it a typical hypothesis because it hasn’t really been outright pointed out in the mythologies, but it’s something the Mythology community usually agrees on concerning Loki and Sigyn’s relationship from what we know here.

A Hypothesis into Loki & Sigyn’s Marriage

The marriage between the two of them alone is usually questioned by others, especially concerning Loki’s chaotic nature and Sigyn’s undying loyalty. Obviously, she could have divorced him whenever she wanted to if things were bad, but instead she remains by his side which leads us to the fact, not only does she truly love Loki, but she also knows more to him than we do -- as if there is a secret hidden side to the god of Mischief.

It is sometimes implied that the marriage between Loki and Sigyn was an arranged one to establish position in Asgard  -- as marriages typically were in Viking Times. This doesn’t mean there wasn’t love between them, In fact, it could have been a perfectly arranged marriage. 

Sigyn isn’t blind to Loki’s flaws, knowing perfectly well how her lover is and accepting him flaws and all -- unlike the other gods. It’s more than likely she knows about his other children: Jormungandr, Sleipnir, Hel and Fenrir, just as she probably knows about his affair with Angrboda. Again, this wasn’t an uncommon thing in Viking Times for a man to have another lover and other children with them. 

Loki is very much a family person, just as he enjoys having fun. There has never been anything alluding to him abandoning his family or abusing Sigyn and his kids despite what pop culture or other versions may say. Instead, they have been taken away from him by others in someway (ex: Vali having to kill Narvi as the gods use his insides as Loki’s bindings. Odin taking away all of Loki’s children, making Hel the ruler of the underworld, Jory the serpent of Midgard’s sea and Fenrir locked in bonds. Lets also not forget Sleipnir becoming Odin’s horse and most of his children dying during Ragnarok because of said gods. Sigyn’s whereabouts are unknown and Angrboda is dead. Case in point: I’d wanna start Ragnarok too.) 

Vikings typically used motifs or symbolism with their writings. This is where the “opposites attract/compliment each other aka Balance of nature’ comes into play. While Loki is outright known as a Trickster God, hence the God of Mischief (which is typically harmless pranks or fun), but it usually ends with bad results for him, turning into Chaos. And what’s the opposite of Chaos? Constancy and Order. Although it isn’t outright stated, she is pointed out as Loki’s loyal wife and seems to offer that Constancy to his Chaos. Hence, some of us refer to them as “Different Sides of the Same Coin.” 

Conclusion

Loki and Sigyn’s relationship is typically misunderstood by others nowadays thanks to how little information we have on them in the texts, some peoples own interpretations of their relationship (*coughs* MARVEL COMICS *coughs*) and how much Sigyn still remains to be unknown by others. 

I believe that if their relationship was to be portrayed in the proper way, taking everything here into note and not given to writers who don’t understand or refuse to take the time to understand their relationships/characters, they might actually be understood better overall. A good example of this I’ve found myself is from the German Movie: Mara and the Firebringer and Neil Gaiman’s book: Norse Mythology. They both explore Loki and Sigyn’s relationship in a proper light, not undermining either of them and exploring their thought process and actions in ways that only strength their relationship and one another as individual characters bonded together in marriage. 

Bonus mention to The Bifrost Incident by The Mechanisms for their interpretation of Loki and Sigyn’s relationship as well. 

_____________________________________________________________

SOURCES:

Viking Love: 8 Facts about Love and Love making from the Vikings - https://historycollection.com/eight-facts-love-marriage-viking-style/

The Love Life of the Vikings - https://historyofyesterday.com/love-life-of-vikings-f21c9ed58d4e

Norse Mythology Character Tropes - https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Characters/NorseMythology

Mara and the Firebringer TV Tropes (SPOILERS BEWARE) - https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Film/MaraAndTheFirebringer

Neil Gaiman’s Norse Mythology (Book) - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norse_Mythology_(book)

The respective Edda’s are linked above by their names. 

[copperbadge]

Taking this photo is the last thing I remember doing on January 5th, around 7:30pm. [Description: A picture of Polk on the Most Coveted Blanket, with one leg stretched out in front of her.]

Wanna hear about my concussion? Have a peep under the cut!

The morning of Monday, January 6th, I didn’t feel well when I woke up; when I actually got out of bed I realized I was dizzy, nauseated, and in pain, and my glasses weren’t on the bedside table where I always put them. When I looked in the mirror I had a black eye and cuts on the left side of my head, and I realized I didn’t remember how I’d gotten them, or when I’d put on my pyjamas and gone to bed the night before. I found my glasses on the living room floor next to the cat toy bin. 

One of the only good decisions I made the entire week was to get dressed and go to the walk-in clinic across the street and get seen for a neurological exam. 

One trip to the ER and several scans later, we determined that I had a concussion but wasn’t going to die from it. I had a lot of time to sit and stare at the walls while I was waiting for doctors to come and look at me, and out of sheer boredom I actually managed to reconstruct the rest of my previous night. Check this shit out, from my FitBit monitor: 

[Description: a line chart with a squiggly up-and-down line that peaks occasionally above 90 but mostly falls well below it.]

That’s a chart of my pulse over the course of the 5th of January. See where it says “fat burn”? My doctors and I are pretty sure that spike in my pulse is an adrenaline rush where I tripped and fell in my living room and bashed my head on something. Possibly the floor, more likely the ottoman of the chair where I found my glasses the following morning. FitBit’s timestamping is a little iffy but it was around 8:20pm when that spike hit. (I had thought it was 8 and I’ve told several people it was 8 but my notes from that day and the FitBit both say 8:20.)

And then I got up and went to bed where I fell asleep around 8:45, at least according to the FitBit: 

[Description: a FitBit sleep chart, showing sleep from 8:47pm to 3:27am, with various periods of deep, light, and REM sleep, and faint moments of wakefulness.]

Waking up at 3:30am is actually not unusual for me; in this case I eventually went back to sleep but FitBit recorded that as a second sleep event for about an hour, from roughly 6-7am. 

Here’s a fun fact: I know I sent this email to my boss and colleagues on January 6th, and for all of January 6th I clearly remembered sending this email, because I talked about it on the 6th. I remember talking about sending it. 

But I don’t remember sending it. 

[Description: an email sent at 7:07am on January 6th, which reads “Hi team, I’m not feeling well and I’m going to take a sick day- with any luck I should be back in tomorrow. Thanks for understanding! S.”]

A lot of my friends and family are significantly more freaked out by all this than I am, and honestly that may very well be the concussion too; there’s no emotional depth to the way I think about missing an entire evening of my life and having a fairly severe injury as a result. That part strikes me, and I know this is inappropriate, as mostly funny. It’s probably a coping mechanism, but might legitimately be a crossed wire somewhere in my already poorly-wired brain. 

I have a lot of feelings about the concussion’s impact, mostly frustration that I’m recovering slowly and sadness that I had to basically write off my entire January -- I couldn’t go on a trip I’d planned, and while I got to travel this past week, I’ve basically spent the rest of the month going between work and home without too many side trips elsewhere, even locally, like out to dinner after work or to the Target near work in the morning to get a snack. 

At this point it’s been weeks and I’m improving, but I still struggle with what I call the three Ds: Decision making, Depth perception, and Dialogue. I’m not crossing the street anywhere but a crosswalk and any time except when the light is green, because I’m afraid of making a poor judgement call and crossing too close to oncoming traffic. I’m mostly steady on my feet at this point, but for days I couldn’t navigate stairs easily, and steps-down and curbs still fuck me up; I’m only this week getting back up to the speed at which I normally walk when I’m going somewhere. 

And when I write I’m fine, but when I’m speaking I often grope for words, particularly proper names for things, and have to describe them through their association with other things. It’s gotten better, but I still sometimes occasionally have to go four or five steps away from something to get back to it.  

This is a literal example of something I said recently: 

“Who is the actor, he was on Doctor Who? After the bald one. That actor, only in the movie...I mean, it wasn’t a movie, it was a long movie...a series. That actor, in the series, where the guy who wrote Sandman co-wrote the book? The character he played.” 

Things I could not reference by name:

David Tennant or Chris Eccleston

The Ninth and Tenth Doctors by number

Good Omens

Terry Pratchett or Neil Gaiman

The character Crowley, which is what I was actually trying to reference

But I could get to a reference that would lead to David Tennant, and one that would lead to Neil Gaiman, and together those could get me to Good Omens if someone else filled in a few blanks. Why is Sandman, a comic series I haven’t read in ten years, still in my head, when Good Omens, a book I love and read semi-yearly and just watched the miniseries of, isn’t? Who fucking knows. 

At one point I also called a hammer and nails, “The thing you hit wall fasteners with.” It’s like playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon only with every proper noun. 

It is getting better, but I think the point of this post (other than sharing a funny picture of my cat) is that I just simply cannot recommend getting a concussion, especially at the age of forty. It’s no good, zero stars, would not concuss again. 

But if you do wake up with no memory of the previous night and head wounds, and you wonder if you should go to the doctor: YES. YOU SHOULD GO TO THE DOCTOR. 

PUT ON SOME SOCKS AND GO TO THE DOCTOR. 

[atlasishere]

I Bake Sins Not Tragedies pt. 1

Characters: Logan, Virgil, Patton, Roman, Remus, Janus, Remy, Emile

Relationships: Analogical(eventually), Royality (in progress), Dukeceit(background), Remile(background)

Word Count: 7568 

A/N: I wrote most of this before the newest Sanders Sides video, so if Janus’ name is incorrect, sorry, let me know if it is.

Taglist: @normallyaspen @watchoutforthefanfics @superwholocked-for-life (if you wanna tagged when the next part is uploaded or whenever I write, let me know)

 Virgil “woke up” at 6:00, meaning that he snoozed his 6:00 alarm until 6:30 when he had to get up for work. He got up, put on his black jeans, purple shirt with long sleeves that would end up getting rolled up, and grabbed his hoodie. He walked into his kitchen and grabbed the pizza from about two nights ago and ate it cold. He put on his converse and walked to his bakery, arriving at 6:45 with just enough time to set up before his first customers walked in. He went through his day, making his baked goods, jamming to his emo music, eternally grateful to his brother, Patton, willingly helped him run his bakery. 

Logan woke up at 6:00 sharp, got dressed in jeans and a black short-sleeved polo, gelled his hair back, and ate a simple breakfast of cereal and eggs. He read a book until 7:30 when he left to go open the tattoo parlor he worked at. 

These two men lived their lives separately until one fateful day. Virgil had decided he wanted to get a new tattoo, something simple. He had considered getting something in remembrance of MCR but he already had one. He already had a flower for his dad, a Starbucks cup with sunglasses for his ren, and a blue heart with glasses for his brother. Along with that, he had some lyrics from “Na Na Na” by MCR. So Virgil went through the things that are important to him and decided to look up symbols for them. He had found a couple of ideas and sketched them. As he was doing this, he looked at his copy of Coraline on the bookshelf across from him, and inspiration hit. He sketched two black buttons and a spool of thread and called his brother out, “Yo, Patton. Come look at this tattoo idea.” 

Patton walked out, looked at it, said, “I like it, what’s the inspiration?”

“Coraline, the buttons were supposed to take her to this life of ‘happiness’ but it would have led to more pain and she discovered that her own life wasn’t as bad as she thought. It was all about her perspective,” Virgil shared, having clearly thought this through as he sketched it.

“I like it. Where would you put it, dear sibling?” Patton asked.

“Well, somewhere I would see it daily. Also, I use ‘they and he’ pronouns so no need to use sibling,” Virgil answered, “Heck if you wanted to use ‘she’ I wouldn’t complain. When I came out, I said I am indifferent to pronouns.”

“I know sib, but I like using the more neutral pronouns, a habit I picked up from Remy for a parental unit,” Patton countered. 

“Fair point, but with my fluctuating gender, it’s kinda pointless,” Virgil argued.

“Oh freaking well, deal with it,” Patton said, ending the argument, knowing that Virgil wasn’t irritated.

Virgil decided that he needed to put his stuff away and get back behind the counter and help his brother. 

A full day of baking, serving teens and college students, and cleaning up, Virgil walked home. As he did so, he was paying close attention to his surroundings, looking for tattoo parlors that he could look into. As he was walking, Virgil saw a sign for a tattoo parlor and decided to check it out. 

Logan heard the bell above the door of the tattoo parlor where he worked ring and looked up to see a man dressed in black jeans, a light purple top, and a patched hoodie. As the man approached, Logan decided to partake in his favorite activity, at least while at work, guessing their tattoo, he guessed it was probably song lyrics from one of those emo bands. It turns out that Logan would be pleasantly surprised. 

“Hi, I am new in town and looking for parlors to get this tattoo that I want. I was curious if you had any examples of some of the work that you guys do,” the man asked, with a deep, smooth voice that caught Logan off guard.

“We have several artists with different specialties, so it depends on what you want. Do you have a picture or sketch of what you want?” Logan asked, keeping it professional but giddy to figure out if he was right.

The man pulled out a square piece of paper and said, “It’s not super complex,” Logan stared at the spool of thread and black buttons as the man continued, “It’s based on the book “Coraline” by Neil Gaiman.”

So, Logan was wrong, “I mean most of us could do that but I like to think I am the most qualified.”

“Got any examples of your work?” the man asked cheekily.

Logan decided to get his best friend up here who happened to let Logan do all of his tattoos, “Roman get your lazy ass up here!”

“Lose again specs?” Roman asked as he got up.

The man looked confused and Logan decided to change the subject quickly and said, “Show this customer some of my work please.”

“If you wanted me shirtless, all you had to do was ask,” Roman countered as he removed his shirt to show the tattoos. There weren’t many but the ones appeared to be sentimental and detailed. 

“I may be pansexual, but I am not desperate,” Logan said, continuing the banter.

“Wow, rude, and in front of this fine young person too,” Roman said, pretending to be hurt.

“Well, they probably didn’t want to see your chest either, but you refuse to get them anywhere but your back and chest,” Logan countered, clearly noticing the way Roman had glanced at the bracelet on the customer’s wrist that said he/they. They looked surprised that someone had noticed that.

“Well, maybe I don’t want to ruin my wonderful arms or legs, Mr. Andy Hurley,” Roman said, attempting to defend his honor.

“I’ll take that as a compliment since Andy Harley is a very attractive man and I do enjoy a good amount of Fall Out Boy,” Logan countered.

Roman scoffed as Logan turned to the customer and said, “I guess I should introduce myself, formally. I am Logan Croft.”

The man smiled and shook Logan’s outstretched hand firmly as he replied, “I am Virgil.”

“I would like to apologize for my fiend, I mean friend, he gets quite excitable at times,” Logan said as he glared at his friend.

“Actually, I like your work and wouldn’t mind getting my tattoo here. May I make an appointment?” Virgil asked.

Logan looked astonished as he said, “Sure, when would you like to?”

“I don’t work until later on Saturday, would that work?” Virgil asked.

“Yes it will,” Logan answered.

Virgil nodded then gave a quick wave goodbye as he left. Logan watched the door close and turned his head to see Roman with that impish look he got. 

“You like him!” Roman shrieked.

“No, too soon to tell,” Logan said, “Also what happened to ‘they’?”

“His bracelet said, ‘He/They’. Also, if not yet, soon. I mean he’s cute so I understand but not my style,” Roman said, “I mean his brother’s pretty cute and comes to my pharmacy and I’ve had my eye on him for a bit.”

“You know his brother?” Logan asked.

“Well, they own that emo themed bakery up the street from the pharmacy where I work,” Roman shared.

Logan took Roman’s statement as food for thought as he left the parlor, waving at his coworker goodbye. He walked home and thought about the customer who had come in so close to the end of his shift. Logan didn’t necessarily believe in soulmates, fate, or chance since there was no scientific proof but he also had an emotional side and hope. Soon after he thought this, Logan’s logical side won over and said that there was no reason other than the obvious convenient coincidence. He entered his simple apartment, grateful that his roommates weren’t home. He started cooking dinner, which was almost finished as his roommates, Roman and his twin brother Remus, walked in. Roman had gone to get Remus since Roman had used their car to get to work so he had to drop off and pick up Remus. Roman’s job was farther out than Logan’s and Remus’ who couldn’t walk to work either. It was a weird set up but they shared a car since neither of them had the money for a second car. Logan didn’t have a car either, he was saving up his money to pay off his loans and hopefully to find a good job somewhere science-related. As the twins dropped their stuff off at the door, Remus was talking about his job at the zoo and the newest animal exhibit there. Logan looked at the very chaotic person who enjoyed handling the animals. His brother, however, was clearly ready to tell his own work story. To prevent a fight, Logan said, “Hey, set the table boys.”

“Okay mom,” Roman said, chuckling. Logan had learned that Roman and Remus thought of him as a motherly figure. 

They sat down for dinner as Roman talked about how his day at the pharmacy went, “Someone who was a regular, came in for their antidepressants and had said, please remember I am paraphrasing, ‘Do you have the potion that shall help me, O’ wise mage’ to which I said a simple yes. They responded with, ‘I thank thee, no curse shall leave my lips that will torment you’. They left the Walgreen’s and I realized that was fairly normal for me. Anyway, Logan, got any good stories besides that cute emo coming in?”

Logan would never admit this to anyone, but some blood rose to his neck as he responded, “No my day was normal, including the man from the bakery. However, I seem to remember something about a cute brother that works with him from you Roman.”

Remus snickered as he watched his two roommates who were definitely crushing pretty hard. He was glad that he was behind those days, having a boyfriend and all. 

That night, Virgil walked home to his apartment that he shared with his old college roommate, Janus, who was making spaghetti for their dinner that night. Virgil set the box on the table that held some “Hey Youngblood” thumbprint cookies from their bakery. Janus looked at the box, pointed a spatula at it as if to ask the contents. Virgil answered the unasked question, “Thumbprint cookies, made with Crofters. And no, I am not calling the cookies by their name because I say it enough at work.”

Janus smiled as he responded, “Well maybe you should reevaluate your decisions then.”

“How about no. I like my bakery as it is, I just kinda regret letting Pat choose the names for the baked goods. By the way, he hasn’t named everything on the menu,” Virgil confessed.

“Should you talk to him? Is it that big of a problem?” Janus asked, genuinely concerned for his friend.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that it gets a little annoying at times. His puns are super clever though so it’s honestly all good,” Virgil answered, truthfully, recognizing the look on their roommate’s face.

Janus nodded, believing his roommate, as he served the spaghetti. The two sat down to eat when they heard a knock at the door. Virgil got up and checked to see who it was, it was his brother Patton. Virgil opened the door to let him in and as soon as he crossed the threshold Patton exclaimed, “I fucked up real bad. I mean really bad.”

Virgil sighed, probably had to do with the cute pharmacist that stopped by their bakery. Not that Virgil could complain since he usually did the same with Patton but if it was the same person, Virgil thought he might scream. But before he could, Patton continued with his story. 

“So you know the pharmacist who comes in on occasion, well I was at the drugstore where he works and I was unaware that I was speaking with him. So I said, ‘I seek the cure to the darkness in my brain’ and he went through the normal stuff and I had to continue being normal so I responded with, ‘I thank thee, no curse of mine shall harm you’ and now I definitely ruined any chances with him.”

“Patton, I am sure that if he would’ve dated you, he would have been exposed to you and you’re, sometimes, eccentric qualities. I am sure everything will end up being okay,” Virgil said, attempting to comfort their brother. 

“And if it is necessary, I can and will murder,” Janus chimed in, unwelcomely.

“Says the lawyer who prosecutes murder cases,” Virgil quips while making the universal sign for shut the fuck up, the middle finger. 

Janus stayed quiet while Virgil worked on reassuring his brother. Eventually, Patton nodded and appeared to have calmed down. When Virgil invited him to stay for dinner, Patton had turned down the offer since he needed to head upstairs to talk to his roommate since he hadn’t been home.

Virgil sat down at the table with his roommate as Janus’ phone received a notification. Virgil could tell from the look on his friend’s face that it was Janus’ boyfriend texting him. 

“Share the news, Janus, I know you are dying to,” Virgil said as he looked at his plate of spaghetti.

The lawyer smiled as he said, “Well, Roman, the brother of Remus, has started an incorrect quotes blog that is just Remus quotes and conversations.”

Virgil laughed and said, “Can you get the URL, I need to know what this man you are dating is like because you never seem to bring him around.”

Janus texted Remus and got a response fairly quickly. After being told what it was, Virgil grabbed his laptop and looked it up. As he read through the posts and showed Janus a few, he asked, “Is this what he is always like?”

“Yeah, he has his moments of being calm or more chaotic, but this is his usual act,” Janus responded.

The two laughed for a bit at the quotes when Virgil said, “I think the guy that Patton is infatuated with is named Roman.”

“Oh yeah, it is. That is, in fact, the same Roman, and yes, he is also very infatuated with Patton apparently,” Janus responded as he put his phone away and began to eat.

Virgil pondered this new information for a bit and eventually, he began to think about the Roman he met in the tattoo parlor, which in turn, led to him thinking about the guy, Logan. Logically, Virgil knew that he wouldn’t see him after he got his tattoo but part of him was drawn to the man. 

Virgil remained lost in his thoughts until, being the absolute angel that he is, Janus smacked Virgil on the back of the head. Virgil was still jolting as he got out of his chair, ready to fight Janus, and like two siblings fighting over the remote, they both ended up on the ground wrestling. 

After a few minutes of fighting, Janus finally asks, “So what was on your mind?”

“Nothing, I was just thinking,” Virgil said.

“Uh-huh, sure, I think it’s because you have a crush,” Janus teased as he watched his friend attempt to stutter out a response.

Finally able to speak clearly, Virgil said, "Actually, it's not. I was thinking about that tattoo I wanted to get." Virgil hoped that Janus would buy his half-lie and not see the nervous tapping or blood flowing up to his neck.

Janus knew Virgil wasn’t being completely honest, he ate the lies of criminals for breakfast, but he could also read the room and knew this was not the time, so he dropped it. Finally, at ease, Virgil continued their conversation and the two talked until it was close to 10:00.

On Saturday morning, Virgil made sure that their brother had someone to work with him during the day until Virgil was done at the parlor. Since it was confirmed, Virgil got up and dressed in a tank top and open flannel, aware that he would need a looser item of clothing on top of his tattoo. Virgil ate breakfast, left his house, and started towards the tattoo parlor. 

Once they entered, Logan looked up to see who was at the door. His heart was hoping for Virgil and his head was telling him that it shouldn't matter. But it was Virgil and a war started inside of him. His head won, which was smart since Logan would be doing permanent needlepoint on their skin. 

Logan took them back and prepped the needle and Virgil's skin. 

As the needle was buzzing, Virgil appeared to be scrolling Tumblr on their phone as Logan did his job. He tried to refrain from paying attention to Virgil's muscle mass and focused on the project.

After several hours, Logan finished the tattoo and gave Virgil the care instructions. They waved as they left the parlor and headed to their bakery.

Virgil walked into his bakery and was bombarded with questions from their brother. "How did it go? Do you like it? Are you feeling okay?"

Virgil held up their hand and said, "It went well considering I got needlepoint on my skin, I haven't looked since it's on my shoulder, and yes I am okay."

Suddenly Virgil was being dragged to a bathroom by his brother so he could see it as well as Patton. 

Once inside, the light was turned on and Virgil slipped the flannel off of his shoulder. The tattoo looked really good and Virgil was impressed. They walked out of the bathroom, brother in tow, put his uniform on, and washed his hands. 

Throughout the day, the bakery had a steady stream of customers who enjoyed the food, puns, and music. Near the end of the day, Virgil was surprised to see Logan, the tattoo artist, walk through the door. He walked up to the counter as he appeared to scan the menu. As he arrived at the counter, Virgil gave his standard, “Hello, Welcome to I Bake Sins, not Tragedies, How can I help you today?”

Logan smirked and asked, “What are the ‘Hey Youngblood’ cookies?”

“Well, they are a jam thumbprint cookie filled with Crofter’s jam, we have strawberry and blackberry jam,” Virgil answered, trying to use his customer voice he had picked up over the years of working in the real world. 

Logan nodded then said, “Could I please have a ‘Hey Youngblood’ cookie then and a coffee.”

Virgil nodded, took Logan’s money, made his change, and began preparing his order. It wasn’t complex, the cookies had been baked recently and coffee was in a pot, so it took but five minutes to complete. As he brought it out to Logan, he gestured to where the cream and sugar were kept for their customers to use on their own. They had found it to be more convenient and easier. Virgil watched as Logan found a seat at a table and pulled a book from the shelf behind him. Virgil continued to work and serve customers for a while when he noticed that Logan had left, it wasn’t a problem since he had figured where the mugs needed to be returned, but part of Virgil was upset nonetheless.

Logan walked out of the bakery and walked back to the parlor. The bakery was very nice, the music was loud enough to be heard but wasn’t disruptive, their food was very good and Logan desired to find this Crofter’s jam, there was a good selection of books for the customers to read as they sat down, and the aesthetic was less dark but still held to the inspiration. Logan found himself enjoying the Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco puns on the food. He definitely was adding the place to his list of good places to eat at. He conveniently was skipping over the cute enby at the register. That can of worms was not going to be opened. He entered the parlor and saw that Roman was there. “Hey, Eliot, can you take out the trash?” Logan said, gesturing to Roman.

The man at the front desk, Eliot, smiled, and said, “Sorry, I thought that was your job.”

Logan smirked and responded, “Oh yeah, It is.” 

As Logan started to meander towards Roman, the pharmacist definitely looked a little fearful as Logan chuckled, "I was joking with you Roman."

"I am well aware, Specs but it wasn't very nice. Just thought that you confused me for Remus," Roman responded, trying to save his dignity.

"What a vibe check Roman," Logan said, aware the slang was incorrect but also had stopped trying with slang. Roman's face made it worth the lack of education Logan had.

"A what now?!?!? That is so wrong. I really can't believe you just said that " Roman exclaimed, continuing to rant about how Logan doesn't know slang.

Logan chuckled as he watched his friend continue to passionately rant about something as trivial as slang.   

The next week went by fairly routinely for the group. Logan worked at the parlor and occasionally stopped by the bakery with the attractive emo worker, Virgil would work and occasionally see the cute tattoo artist, Patton worked with brother and would attempt and fail to keep it together when a certain pharmacist would come in every day, and Roman would continue his daily routine of stopping in to get breakfast and see the adorable baker. Somewhere in the course of the week, Roman had slipped Patton his phone number, platonically, of course, and that sparked a conversation and eventually friendship between the two.

Virgil and Logan did not interact that much but were slowly becoming comfortable with each other’s presence. They would have a casual conversation when Logan would come in and on occasion, Logan would happen to ask about books that Virgil had. They kinda wanted to talk to Logan more, but it’s kinda hard when a guy comes in right at the time that high school students get out of school. 

But that week was done and the weekend was bringing a special surprise, the arrival of Virgil and Patton’s parents. 

It was Friday night, a mere twenty minutes before closing and the bakery was empty. Virgil and Patton had a little bit of extra bread dough from the day. It was only about the size of a fist and well, Virgil had technically started it. He had tossed it and ended up throwing it at his brother. Patton received the dough splat on the back of his head and turned to see his sheepish sibling looking incredibly nervous. Patton smiled and tossed it back to him. Virgil caught it and chuckled. The game slowly got bigger as Virgil and Patton ended up outside the kitchen and in the main area. They continued for a few more minutes when suddenly the doors opened and in walked Emile and Remy, the parents of the two bakers. 

And like children caught with their hands in the cookie jar, they froze and went to finger-pointing. Emile chuckled and held his hands up and Patton tossed the ball to his dad. 

“Think fast dear,” Emile told his partner as he threw the dough to Remy.

Remy caught the dough and smiled. They tossed it to their child and the game continued for a few more minutes until some late-night closer customers came in.

“C’mon, I need to see Patton and you wouldn’t mind seeing Virgil. Their bakery doesn’t close for a  whole 15 minutes,” Roman whined.

“I am aware and no I wouldn’t mind but it is late. One of us needs to be the voice of reason here,” Logan said, not wanting to admit how much he kind of wanted to see a particular baker.

“There is no reason not to,” Roman argued.

Logan would blame it on the fact that he was tired and not because he was giving in to the want to see someone who may not even be attracted to men as he acquiesced to Roman’s request, “Fine, Roman. Let me grab my jacket and we can walk there since Remus took the car when he dropped you off.”

The two walked to the bakery. When they arrived, they saw four people tossing something and smiling. Logan assumed they were laughing. As he looked, he saw Virgil and from the look on Roman’s face, could assume that Patton was in there as well. However, Logan felt a little preoccupied with Virgil and their existence. Their face was a little flushed and they were smiling as they threw what appeared to be bread dough. 

Eventually, Logan snapped out of his trance and realized that he was definitely gay for this nonbinary emo baker. He also made the snap decision that the other two, older, adults were likely family. Logan was going to tap Roman on the shoulder and tell him that they should just head home, but, Roman’s hand was on the doorknob and was opening the door. 

Well, Logan would argue that he had to join his friend and walked in. He was greeted with what was becoming a familiar scent of baked bread and an earthy scent that was likely from an air freshener. He felt bad for interrupting the family time that was happening, but the look of surprise and happiness on Virgil’s face almost, keyword almost, took away his anxiety. Virgil hopped behind the counter and asked what they wanted.

“Could I have a ‘Hey Youngblood’ cookie and a loaf of bread?” Logan asked and gestured for Roman to step up and order.

“Could I have some ‘Pretty Odd Macarons’?” Roman asked.

Virgil nodded, rang up the order, and began to get the food. While Virgil was doing that, Patton had approached Roman and the two began talking. 

Virgil handed him the bag and Logan just had to open his mouth and ask, “So, uh, who are these lovely people?” He was nervous and apparently he cannot control his mouth around cute people.

Virgil looked at Remy, who nodded, before responding. “Well, my ren would probably appreciate that you didn’t say men as they are nonbinary and their name is Remy,” Virgil said as he gestured to the person with a leather jacket and sunglasses, “And the other man is my dad, Emile,” Virgil answered as he gestured to the man in a suit with a cardigan and glasses. 

Then Virgil gestured to Logan and said, “This is my friend Logan. Just so everyone knows everyone.”

Logan could feel the blood rushing to his neck and shuffled his feet as he waved. 

Roman smiled and introduced himself, looked at the clock and realized that it was pretty late, and turned to Patton to say goodbye.

Logan turned to Virgil and said, “We need to get back to our apartment and make sure that Remus hasn’t burned it down. He has been at the house alone for around three hours and is pretty chaotic. It was nice seeing you, goodbye.’

Virgil chuckled and said, “It was nice seeing you, Logan. Feel free to drop by anytime.”

Logan looked down at the floor to hide the red that was creeping up his neck and towards his face and grabbed his friend to drag him home. 

Logan was at the front door of his apartment and Roman was still whining like a child. The two walked in and were greeted with Remus and his questioning looks. Logan began to share the story.

Virgil waved to Logan and Roman as they left and looked at his watch to see that it was closing time. They waved Patton over to help finish tidying up and gather the baked goods off the shelf and put them in a box.

As the siblings were working, Remy was holding the dough ball and tossing it between their hands. They could tell their husband was proud of their sons but also incredibly curious, like Remy, about the two men who had come in at closing. Their husband looked at them and Remy knew they were the bolder of the two so he asked, “Who were those two?”

Virgil happened to be at the counter at the moment so he said, “Well Roman is Patton’s admirer and Logan is a new friend as well as the guy who did my newest tattoo.”

Patton happened to hear from the kitchen so he piped up and said, “Actually, Roman doesn’t like me but I think Logan likes Virgil.”

This led to an argument. Emile looked at his spouse and moved to stand next to him. “How much do you wanna bet that both of our children are in love and their respective man also loves them?”

Remy chuckled and said, “While I normally don’t condone on gambling, I can make an exception for our oblivious children. I say it takes the rest of the month.” It was, conveniently, at the beginning of the month.

Emile smiled and said, “I think I will go with the month after.” The two lovers shook hands and looked at the children they had raised.

Virgil and Patton had stopped their bickering and were deciding who would take what was left from the day to the homeless shelter.

When Virgil and Patton decided to buy I Bake Sins, not Tragedies, the two decided that they should donate what food was left from the day to a local homeless shelter that was LGBTQ+ friendly and nonprofit. They had found one thanks to the size of the city they lived in.

Patton decided to take that day and texted his roommate, Thomas, that he would be home later.

Virgil asked his parents who they wanted to stay with that night since Patton and Virgil both had a space prepared for them when they had heard their parents say they wanted to visit.

The two looked at each other and Remy said, “Mind if we stay with you? I haven’t talked to Janus in a while and Emile looks so tired that walking up more stairs than necessary may cause him to pass out.” Remy chuckled as their husband smacked them. 

Virgil nodded and texted their roommate that they would have two guests tonight.

After the siblings finished cleaning and closing up, Virgil walked out to their parent’s car and asked if he could ride to the apartment complex with them.

Remy appeared to consider it before letting him in. The three drove to Virgil’s apartment and decided to not stay up too late.

The next morning was one of chaos. Janus had a big trial at noon that day, Remy and Emile were going to spend their morning walking around the city and the afternoon in the bakery. Virgil’s anxiety was skyrocketing at the thought of something bad happening and was ready to punch something. 

Having woken up earlier than usual, Virgil had the chance to run around the block before getting ready to work. So, he ran. They knew they needed to run to get the nerves under control and they would have the chance to work with dough all day which helps with the aggression aspect of his anxiety. 

After Virgil’s quick run, he went to his apartment, showered off, and put his standard dark clothing and hoodie on. Virgil walked to the bakery in record time and had enough time to put his apron on and help his brother pull the tray out of the oven. Patton had come in early to bake since he was a morning person but Virgil and Patton often alternated each week for who would come in earlier to get the first round in the ovens.

Patton decided to man the register while Virgil took over baking for the morning shift.

The brothers worked nonstop until 11:30, which was standard for Saturdays and enjoyed the break they would receive until the late lunch rush. During this time, Janus stopped in to grab a Danger Days Donut and coffee.

The rest of the morning passed without event and Virgil had decided to take a 10-minute break to go and get their anxiety medication from the pharmacy. Waving to Patton, Virgil walked down the street to the nearest Walgreens and back to the pharmacy. When he arrived, he saw a familiar face, the face of Roman. Roman looked up and saw Virgil as he was about to ask for a name. “Hey, Virgil, I am afraid I will need a last name, for protocol, of course.”

Virgil chuckled and said, “Picani, also I was not expecting you to know it. I was not expecting you to work here, in fact.”

Roman chuckled and said, “I’ve served your brother but I am surprised he hasn’t spoken of me.” Roman pulled Virgil’s medicine off the shelf and handed it to him. 

Virgil took the medicine as he made an offhand comment about thinking that his brother was speaking of another Roman, despite the fact that Virgil was fully aware his brother was very taken by Roman.

The two bantered for another minute before Virgil left and headed back to his bakery.

Virgil walked back in and saw Logan at a table near the bookshelves in the back. 

Patton saw them walk in and gave him a thumbs up so Virgil set their prescription in the back and went out to the bookshelves to talk to Logan. Virgil wasn’t sure why he wanted to talk to the tattoo artist, all he knew was there was something drawing him to Logan. 

Logan felt something tap his shoulder and tensed up a bit, startled but when he turned around, he was pleasantly surprised. Logan did not expect to see Virgil out of the back.

“Looking for a book to read?” Virgil asked.

Logan wasn’t but he wanted to hear Virgil talk about something he liked so he said, “I am actually.”

Maybe Virgil knew Logan was lying but if they did, they humored Logan, “Well, I don’t know if you have read ‘Coraline’ but that is a good one, I mean I based a tattoo off of it. But if you want something less creepy, ‘Good Omens’ by Neil Gaiman is also very good. Want out of the fantasy realm and more science fiction, we have many Douglass Adams novels.”

Logan nodded and decided to find Coraline to read. He had not read the story but had heard good things about it. 

Virgil continued to work for the next hour, making his supply for the evening and later night coffee dates, occasionally checking on Logan. Once or twice Virgil would catch themself staring and have to shake themself from their trance. Virgil was realistic, they weren't in a super-wealthy occupation and weren't the most attractive person out there, heck they had heterochromia. The left eye is green and his right is brown, he just wears a colored contact so they both look brown. Virgil was okay with their appearance but wore the contact because he preferred to assuage the questions and because he used to get bullied for it. They also were aware that it was likely an infatuation and would fade quickly.

At some point in the day, Virgil's parents had also snuck into the store and appeared to be snacking on the rejects near the back. Those two were watching their child's potential future boyfriend with interest. 

And for an hour, it was a blissful quiet. Soon after Logan settled with his book, Virgil traded with Patton to start preparing for the evening and post date bakery visitors. It was mostly making the dough and letting it rise. At one point, Virgil went out to sit with their parents and catch up. After a bit, Virgil relieved Patton of register duty and sat on the stool, sketching.

Virgil wasn’t really a great drawer but he liked to do it nonetheless, it was a relaxing activity. So, with quieter Fall Out Boy playing, Virgil drew, Logan read, Emile and Remy gossiped with Patton, and all was right with the world. Sadly, Logan’s phone decided to disrupt the peace to remind Logan that he had a job. Logan sighed and decided to go to the front counter. Virgil was sketching what appeared to be a beach and Logan hated to disrupt them but he was on a time crunch. “Hey, Virgil,” Logan started, with a softer tone as to not startle the quieter goth, “I was wondering if you could hold onto this book for me to come back in and finish. I am really enjoying it but I have to get to work.”

Virgil looked up, not startled but surprised. He heard Logan’s request and kinda wanted to chuckle because Logan hadn’t thought to ask if he could borrow the book, but Virgil could respect his wish and said, “Absolutely my dude, it is not a problem.” Virgil took the book from Logan and their hands brushed against each other briefly and Virgil was fighting the urge to blush. Logan nodded and fumbled out a goodbye as he backed out, subsequently running into a table, on his way out. Virgil chuckled and tried to convince himself that he didn’t offer to let Logan borrow the book because Virgil wanted Logan to visit again. It took the rest of the day to convince himself of this fact.

Near the end of the day, around what is normally dinner time, Roman busted through the doors and startled Patton. Virgil had left with Remy to grab dinner for the rest of his family and Patton and Emile were left to watch over the bakery. Well, Emile was sitting in his back corner while Patton watched the register and decided if there needed to be more sale goods made or if Virgil should mix dough to bake tomorrow. It was quiet and Patton was a little restless. So Roman’s impromptu entrance was actually appreciated by Patton while Virgil would have scowled. Roman walked up to the front register and put on his blindingly charming smile and Patton couldn’t help but giggle like a girl whose crush just shared that they like someone.

Roman continued walking in and walked to the back where Emile was sitting, which confused Patton. Roman cleared his throat and said, “Hello, my name is Roman. I believe we met last night.”

Emile was a little charmed and smiled as he responded, “Why yes we did.” Emile could also tell the boy was nervous, he kept shuffling his feet and wiping his hands on his pants.

Roman took a second to try to calm down and ask his question. “I was wondering if I could have your permission to take your son, Patton, on a date.” Now Patton was listening by this point and had to keep from gasping in surprise.

Emile smiled and said, “Well, Patton is an adult so you really don’t have to ask me, but if he is fine with it, so am I. I am close to certain my spouse will agree with me and I admire that you asked me but I think the one you really need to ask is by the kitchen door.”

Roman smiled and turned to see Patton peeping and eavesdropping. “Well, Patton, would you like to go on a date with me Friday night?”

Like a deer in headlights, Patton froze before finding his voice to say, “Yes I will.”

Roman smiled and went to hug Patton when the bell above the entrance rang out. Patton rushed out to the front to see if it was a customer, but instead, it was the rest of his family.

Virgil went behind the counter and handed Patton the food they had gotten him and when he finally looked at his brother, Virgil saw his brother’s face lit up with joy, and Virgil knew he was going to be in for a gossip session.

The family ate dinner, with the brothers behind the counter and the parents at a close table. The night finished routinely, with Virgil and Patton cleaning up and Virgil gathering the leftovers for the local shelter. Remy and Emile were staying with Patton that night and Virgil was going to head home afterward.

Virgil was walking back home after visiting the shelter. He was deep in thought when he ran into someone, quite literally. That, someone, happened to be very fit. Logan was that someone. Virgil was quite surprised since he didn’t see Logan outside of the tattoo shop and bakery, but Virgil was not able to form a sentence because the gay part of his brain just went berserk. As previously mentioned, Logan is fit and has a good deal of muscle mass. Virgil also literally ran into him and fell on the ground. So, the anxious, disaster gay was looking for an escape, because flight was his activated instinct. As his eyes scanned the paths of escape, Logan began to speak, “Hey, Virgil. I was not expecting to see you out tonight.”

Somewhere in the anxious fog of his brain, Virgil knew he needed to respond, so he did, “Uh, yeah. Same here. I was dropping some food donations off to the homeless shelter that specifies in helping queer people.”

Logan looked surprised. Then Virgil realized that not everyone uses queer in a friendly sense so he began to explain. “Oh, yeah, I say queer because I believe that some terms need reclaiming and it is a valid label. I, myself, identify as queer.”

Virgil continued to ramble when Logan interrupted, “Virgil, breathe. I was not offended by the use of queer, I like that some are reclaiming it. I didn’t know you donated food to the local homeless shelter, that’s why I looked surprised.”

Virgil breathed, counting so they could calm down. As they calmed down, Logan realized that Virgil was definitely on the verge of a panic attack. So once Virgil had calmed down, Logan offered to walk Virgil to their apartment. Virgil was still a little shaky and agreed. 

The two walked to Virgil's apartment complex and talked. Virgil learned that Logan was a big science nerd and that he liked to misuse slang specifically to annoy Roman. Logan learned that Virgil had always been passionate about baking and that he hadn’t actually found emo music until he was a college student. Those were simple facts and only broad details, however, it brought new depth to their relationship. 

Logan walked Virgil to his front door and waved goodbye as Virgil walked inside. Virgil walked into their apartment, gave a two-fingered salute to Logan (who gave a small wave goodbye), and watched Logan walk away as he closed the door.

“What was that?” Janus asked accusingly.

“Oh, I ran into Logan on my walk home and he offered to walk me home.” Virgil divulged.

“You mean The Logan Croft? The Logan Croft with eyes that are like golden brown honey? With hair that looks like a dark chocolate mousse? By the way, why do you describe him using bakery type foods?” Janus asked, teasing Virgil.

“Yeah, we had a nice conversation on the way home,” Virgil said, baiting Janus with a fishhook of information.

“I think that we need to have a gossip night again, so I will be making the popcorn, you get the drinks,” Janus said, bluntly and full of curiosity.

Virgil chuckled, glad Janus caught the bait. He got up and started to make the hot cocoa, ready to share every detail of the night.

Logan continued walking, tired and happy, indescribably happy. He could definitely try, he knew words, but Virgil elicited a special kind of reaction that he could never begin to decipher. Logan was happy and if he thought about it, maybe he was falling in love. 

Logan was able to make it home safely in his dazed state, and when he got home, he walked into his apartment. He closed the front door and just leaned against the back of the door. Remus happened to hear the door close and looked to see where Logan was. He saw Logan in his starstruck state and felt the need to hopelessly tease rise up in him. “Logan’s got a boyfriend, Logan’s got a boyfriend. Gonna finally get f-,” Remus singsonged until he got cut off.

“Alright, that’s enough. Firstly, I am pan, could easily be a girl or a nonbinary person. Secondly, if you are referring to Virgil, they use they/them and may not want to be referred to as a boyfriend. Thirdly, They likely don’t feel the same,” Logan said, sobering up.

Remus realized that Logan was definitely sensitive about the subject. So, he called Roman into the living room, grabbed some blankets, set a movie up, and went to make cocoa. Tonight was going to be a comfortable gossip night. He texted Janus, saying he may be a bit slow on responding because Logan needed to be listened to.

Both groups had a gossip night, though one was more lighthearted and the other was more of a rant session, both parties ended up feeling more satisfied with how they felt and hopeful that their feelings were reciprocated.

To Be Continued

Hi. This is my birthday gift to myself because I'm now an adult legally and I can do what I want.

[sabbathism]

People don’t like season 2, and here’s what they have to say :

tl;dr: I answer the web’s most vehement complaints about season 2 of American Gods. If you happen to recognize yourself in one of those, then I suggest thinking about it really really hard and, perhaps, giving the show another chance. If you recognize yourself in several of those, please drop the show. It’s not worth wasting your time and especially not ours. (I put a list of helpful cast and production related facts at the end.)

Hi, Nelle here, I’m but a humble fan who wishes to have fun seeing gods bicker and argue among mortals, complete with the craziest of situations, stellar cast and great visuals. And yet I can’t help but hear things when I start browsing this hellsite in quest of juicy fanworks.

Although I’m no Joan Of Arc, I hear voices from above and here’s what I have to shout back (lest I get burned at the stake)  :

“The pacing is all over the place ! It’s too slow !”

Is it tho ? Pacing has been “all over the place” (really meaning: different from what we avid show-viewers are accustomed to) since season 1, we’ve never gotten straight answers out of anything unless we started listening and paying attention to details. 

The book (you know, the source material) has four parts, the fourth serving as an epilogue to the whole story, season 2 is most definitely meant to close part 1 which, allegedly, had the slowest of pace to begin with. And it doesn’t even have half the new narratives the show has been creating. So no, it’s not slow. I promise you things are happening.

“It needs to follow the actual book more !!”

What’s a good adaptation ? Is it something that is 100% truthful to the source, down to every word ? Is it something that should offer something for people who don’t know the source ? Or, on the contrary, be something inseparable from it ?

American Gods as a TV show offers new things for people who have read the book and for those who haven’t, while keeping the beloved moments and aspects from the original material.

Why add or change stuff ? Well because, if you’re a book reader, you get welcomed into the state of existential dread that comes with not knowing what happen next, I promise it’s part of the fun. But also because author Neil Gaiman believes that he can do more, do better, with something that was written 20 years ago and needed the changes in a lot of places. He’s aware that he has, in fact, a show to make, and not a carbon copy of the book, as well as a fanbase that deserves to be challenged and entertained.

“Why taking the focus off Shadow ? He’s barely the protagonist anymore !”

Because there are..... characters ? who are also part of the story ? Like, actual stories need characters ? But alright, I know it can get confusing when you have a lot of those, here’s how you can still tell Shadow is the protagonist : months of advertising and the entirety of season 1 which was spent following Shadow with only minor breaks allowing other characters to breathe. Trust me they need the development too, or then we’ll really have reasons to complain.

You want a narrative focusing solely on staying in Shadow’s head ? Alright. Try the book. But here’s my take on its narrating choice, as a graduate in english literature : it’s boring. To the point where Neil Gaiman himself got sad that he couldn’t follow other characters.

“They’re not giving the POCs enough space ! Where are the coming to america segments ? At least they gave actual insights.”

Out of every piece of fiction, I truly don’t think you want to get angry at American Gods for how much room it’s giving POCs... (a 20% white cast ensemble, POCs and especially WOCs writers and directors on production, ethnically accurate casting and writing, diversity positive messages, etc) Really I’m sure there are many other places in the fictional industry were the question of diversity is more than legitimate. American Gods has yet to be one of them, by far.

As for the Coming To America stuff, well, there’s not that many in the book to begin with. There are a whole bunch for sure, but we’ve got over quite a few of them in season 1. If there’s more believers you want, we’re served with the latest episode 4, with humans worshiping both Old and New, and interacting with gods. I’m sure we can review that point again once the season is over.

“Those white directors don’t even know how to read or write POC characters !”

*cough*

here’s a list of the POC directors and writers on episodes 2 to 5 of season 2 only :

Deborah Chow (director)

Aditi Kapil (writer)

Salli Richardson (director)

Rodney Barnes (writer)

Orlando Jones (writer)

That’s half the entire director-writer team for these episodes, with Neil Gaiman being involved. You’ll have to point out to me exactly what you mean by “not writing right”.

“New Media ? 1. she’s a bitch, 2. her actress is just plain bad, 3. she’s a hurtful stereotype.” 

And here comes perhaps the trickiest one of all... I’m gonna have to bear with you, as much as you’re gonna have to bear with me :

1. Yes. 2. No. 3. Yes, and it’s a problem, but not for the reasons you think.

First of all, and let’s get it out of the way : actor =/= character nor writing. You think the writing is bad and/or that the character is annoying ? Well, it’s certainly not on the actor. You wanna know the actual level of Kahyun Kim’s acting ? Starring in an Alan Cummings play alongside him. We’ve got a lot to discuss but please keep her out of this.

Second, New Media is an absolute bitch of a character. She’s mocking, manipulative, and too ambitious for anyone’s good. A lot of people seem to love her tho and to that I say good ??? I mean, great if you like her, because she’s got as much potential as the rest of these crazy characters, I’m not here to tell you who you should hate and who you should love.

But there’s a problem you shouldn’t ignore, and that its so far she’s not well written. It’s a terrible thing to say in such a show but she’s really not : because we barely see her talking, because we barely got any scene with her (remember what I said about letting character breathe ?), and because what we’ve seen of her so far is the stereotype of the hypersexualized naive asian girl. Complete with tentacle porn scene. (Whether you felt weirded out, amused or utterly disgusted by this is your own valid opinion.)

The character has been officially described as “the goddess of global content”, “a cyberspace chameleon” and “a master of manipulation.” In recent addition to that, actor Bruce Langley (Technical Boy) has said : “New Media’s willing to be perceived as naive because if she’s being underestimated, when she does make her move, you’d never see it coming, but she knows way more than she lets on.” He then goes on to compare her to Gillian Anderson’s Media.

This proves that the way New Media comes off isn’t a problem of intent (the naive part is calculated and they want the character to be duplicitous, falsely seductive), but of handling, and it’s just as bad. Sure, Gillian’s Media also knew more than she let on for about as much screen time -I’m sure New Media will get to her four scenes in one season-, but she had been grounded in the narrative as her own character, she’s had her exposition speech and time. (See her meeting with Shadow in S01E02) We’ve yet to see that much of Kahyun’s New Media.

Because they do not give her what she needs to be more than a two dimensional character, we find ourselves with a shallow character who doesn’t give too many signs of the thought process everyone seemed to have put into crafting her beforehand, including Kahyun’s acting. This is a serious issue that needs to be handled before the season ends, or she will just stand out like a nasty spot in an overall incredible piece of fiction. Hell even Laura (another very unlikable character) manages to be a great addition to the narrative. Come on people.

You can of course argue that they could have gone for another type or personality for her, other than naive and sex-oriented, for a korean actress to play. You’re right, there’s a lot of aspect of social media that could have been put to work, but not only are we gonna need more than two scenes (at least the tentacles aren’t a regular occurrence so far), but it’s just like they could have not made the Technical Boy hang Shadow. 

The New Gods appear as the ‘general bad idea’ we promote through and associate with their element. Mr. World is gonna be the creepy looking government dude, Tech is gonna be the lanky rude geek, they’re gonna be cold, insensitive and selfish. They’re gonna be the things we don’t like. Throughout season 1, Tech Boy was in the same place we find ourselves in with New Media : he was the loud white racist teenager hating on anon on the net, he was unlikable from start to finish, and it’s only once we got inputs from his actor, the writers, and then now that they’re showing more of his story and personality well after season 1 that we see him as the fully complex and interesting character he is.

Let’s all keep our wits about us, not engulf ourselves in blind hate or love, and encourage the writers to prove us all that this character is worth the while like her actress says.

(I still won’t forgive the bitch, but at least she won’t stick out like a sore thumb.)

(if you want Kahyun’s input on her character and experience, here’s a lengthy interview)

"They don't even know how to write their own character, period !"

By all means, tell me your basis of characterization to declare that characters who didn’t even have enough screentime to have much substance in season 1 (except Shadow, but strangely no one complains about him) aren’t written right when their creator is literally hovering over the writers and actors shoulders, because he wants them to be developed and written right.

It’s not Harry Potter, Neil isn’t making up facts about them to make himself look better, maybe accept that the vision you had in your mind wasn’t entirely accurate to the truth of the characters and that’s okay ? You can still write them yourself however you want, tell the stories you want to tell, Neil has made it very clear that he doesn’t consider fan ideas less valuable than his.

“Bryan has such as specific, unique vision ! They’re just trying to copy it and they’re failing.”

Definitely. No really, you’re right, I’m a big fan of Bryan’s work, I lost my mind like everyone else when he said he wasn’t giving up on Hannibal season 4.

But you know who else has a unique vision ? The seven directors who took over (four of those are women) and the show-runner who had already worked with him beforehand. They’re not trying to copy his style, they’re trying to make a smooth transition so fans like you don’t have a hard time mourning the terrible loss of Bryan and Michael. And for every person who noticed the changes, there were just as many who haven’t even paid attention to it.

Concept : some people may watch shows/movies for the story and the characters, not just for who’s behind the camera. (As far as I’m concerned, I actually like the image better. Everything was killer in season 1, and I think it’s even nicer in season 2.)

“Bryan gave us Salim and the Jinn, and now they’re just gonna be cast aside because those directors lack the LGBT+ sensibility Bryan has !”

Alright, yup, sure. As a member of the community myself, I totally recognize that someone who’s also part of it will know firsthand of the subtleties and details to give the best representation possible on screen. The example of Salim and the Jinn is perfectly fine, since the entire segment was indeed beautifully made. But if we cannot allow people from outside to ponder and think about our lives through writing (which is probably the best way for them to start understanding and broadening their mindset), how can we expect wide representation to improve in any meaningful way ? Especially considering that the show has been casting LGBT+ actors, in an environment where the cast is listened to and solicited on their opinions. 

And especially when Bryan was not the one who gave you Salim and the Jinn. (Because I’ve seen people genuinely believe it.) Neil Gaiman did. He wrote a gay muslim couple in his book 20 years ago, way before it was considered a political statement. He’s also the one who gave strict and specific directions as to how these very characters should be handled. Because if he expanded Salim and his fire boyfriend Jinn’s story from a one-shot to a full story integrated into his entire narration, then it’s certainly not to pull a “bury your gays” or make them miserable. No need to be LGBT+ to be a decent writer and human being.

“Production was a mess anyway, I knew it’d turn out like this. It sucks without Bryan.” 

Define “mess”. Because all the incendiary reports we got throughout early production had been utter bullshit.

Showrunners being “fired” ? Bullshit. “Disastrous” organization ? Bullshit. “Screaming matches” between directors and actors ? Bullshit. Actors “refusing” to come back ? Bullshit.

Every report that wasn’t made through direct input of the cast or production team was not only wildly exaggerated, but also fake ? But please, hear it from Neil himself :

It was weirder for me to read some of the stuff online that said, “Oh, my god, American Gods, behind the scenes, is all falling apart.” I was going, “But they just shot four episodes, and everything is fine. They’re doing some re-shoots, but they’re doing less re-shoots than they did in Season 1.” [...]

I was reading Steven Bochco’s biography on the tube, going into work on Good Omens, every morning, and learning about what went down on Hill Street Blues, and then on NYPD Blue. That was worse, by a factor of thousands, than anything that happened on American Gods. A showrunner came, and a showrunner left. That’s not even an unusual thing. [...] The weirdest thing for me was putting out a thing on Twitter on Season 2, and having a bunch of people go, “We thought this was canceled.” No, it’s not canceled. In its own mad way, it’s on schedule.  

(Source)

The show was never in any danger, much less in jeopardy. It's overreactions to false rumors and dramatic assumptions that can kill a show faster than a showrunner leaving. You want to be critical of a production ? Go ahead, and check your sources and facts. Please. I promise most of the time it’s not worth the worry, much less losing all hope.

“Bryan cared, they’re just ruining what he’s built.”

I dare you to watch any cast interview and tell me these people don’t care about the show, and that they do not value the work everyone else (from hair department to makeup artists, producers, writers, directors and costume team) puts into it as well.

I’ve watched my fair share of shows, I’m curious about production and behind-the-scenes material in general, and I’ve never seen a group of people being so genuinely happy and passionate about what they do and create together.

Neil took time out of preparing Good Omens (which he was showrunning himself) to be more active because he knew things would be different between season 1 and 2. Ricky Whittle (Shadow) had his contract reviewed to better accommodate shooting and planning. Orlando Jones (Nancy) contributed to writing episodes (especially regarding Black history and representation) and brought inputs on characterization. Ian Mcshane (Mr. Wednesday) participated in directing when he explicitly said during season 1 that he wasn’t interested in working as a director on this kind of show.

And that’s for the well-known names only. Go on the American Gods hashtag on instagram, you’ll find all the various artists who participated in crafting all the details found in new episodes. They’re out there talking about how excited they were to work on it all, how they did it, the love they have for the show and crew. They’re active and positive in every way you can be, please tell me how much they don’t care.

Production made the choice of taking its time making this season rather than rushing it when it’s been very clear that delaying can cause massive loss of viewers, because they care more about how the show comes out than what people actually think. They took in stride whatever problem a show of this magnitude could naturally encounter (again guys, no disaster happened) and worked to solve it the best way they could because they were perfectly aware that we fans care. And somehow that’s what made some of yall disappointed ??

If you seriously think Bryan (and Michael, some people forget about him smh) cared more about American Gods than these people -when he, in fact, cared just as much-, then by all means, leave right with him.

(Also uhm, idk if you noticed, but they’re both still credited in the fucking opening. Because, you know, they’re going by the bases they’ve settled.)

Some (hopefully) helpful facts :

+ Bryan and Michael weren’t fired, they walked out of the show after mutual understanding with the rest of the production that they weren’t agreeing on budget and realization. They concluded that pushing it would just be harmful to the show.

+ Likewise, Jesse Alexander (second showrunner) wasn’t evicted but stepped out once disagreements rose as to how to handle the end of the season. Again, they found a solution fairly quickly.

+ Gillian Anderson had only signed for season 1. Whether her character will ever be seen again (probably in flashbacks) is entirely up in the air. No promises, no impossibilities.

+ Both Kristin Chenoweth (Ostara) and Chris Obi (Anubis) have not been able to contribute to season 2 due to conflicts in their schedules.

+ Neil Gaiman has been much more involved in the production of season 2 as he had finished shooting Good Omens, something which took up most of his time when season 1 was produced.

+ Taking time producing a show =/= production being a disaster.

+ Always go for the reports/articles involving interviews and/or inputs of the persons actually working on the project (cast members, producers, writers, directors). Those are the most reliable sources you can fight. (Just remember that there’s always a possibility for fake news/drama online !)

[neighbours-kid]

A Very Whovian February

Here we go again, another month over already. To nobody’s surprise whatsoever, I have continued watching way too many movies and tv show episodes in February as well. There weren’t as much as in January because university started again, but there were some. It totals in at 3 movies, 1 musical, and 116 episodes of tv. I was a bit heavy on the shows this month, less so on the movies, as you can see.

February is always a….peculiar month, if you will. It’s short, it’s half holiday and half university, it’s sort of winter but not anymore, and just really weird. What was particularly strange about this month however, was that even though I sort of committed myself to binging through Money Heist once more—and managed three episodes—I quickly went back on that decision and made another, rather bigger commitment: I decided to re-watch and finally catch up on Doctor Who. No one was more surprised at this decision than me, I believe.

I used to love this show, I used to talk about little else. Doctor Who dominated big parts of my interests for a few years. Through a combination of my brother watching the show and me discovering tumblr, I started watching it in 2012. That was right at the end of ninth grade and the beginning of grammar school. I was 16. I was awful. I talked about it constantly, and especially after I “converted” a friend and she ended up watching it too, it was a constant stream of talking about Doctor Who, always, all the time, everywhere. Which I now understand is annoying as hell. However, back then? People being annoyed with it and sort of shaming me for it? That—and the show losing what made me love it mostly through Moffat taking over—made me stop watching it. At some point I just—stopped. I didn’t talk about it, didn’t think about it much anymore, unfollowed a lot of blogs on tumblr who posted about it, and turned my interests elsewhere. I abandoned it.

For a while there it was also just a thing that I didn’t wanna touch. I watched it in a part of my life where I was awful and toxic and just not a really fun human being to be around, I think. At least I don’t look back at this time all too fondly. It was just part of a person who I wasn’t anymore, who I grew out of, grew up from, and largely also moved on from. It was a strange time. But it was always sort of at the back of my mind as something that I loved, something that brought me great joy and parts of which I really missed deep down. Once I got a Netflix account and it kept appearing in my suggestions, my resolve to not go back to it started to crumble and I ultimately decided that I could learn to love this show again and maybe be better about it this time around. And I also just really wanted to give Peter and Jodie a chance, because no matter how good or bad the stories are, taking on a role like the Doctor is a feat, and I want to give them the opportunity to impress me and make me like them.

Watching that very first episode of Chris Eccleston’s arc at the beginning of this month felt very similar to when I completely re-read all of Naruto last Spring. It felt like coming home, like re-discovering a long lost love. And I am loving it. I am enjoying this tremendously. The monsters are ridiculous, the CGI is hilariously bad, the masks and make-up are insanely cool, the stories are simple and honest and lovely and I just adore it so much. Russel T. Davis was such a wonderful show runner, his vision for the show was so….lovely and simple and human. There were so many brilliant moments in the first four seasons, the companions were fascinating and conflicting and challenging and the Doctor was fantastic and brilliant. And even now that I have already binged through most of Matt’s arc as well, I still appreciate this show. The first time around, I think, I wasn’t too fond of Matt as the Doctor because I really loved David and his take on it, but this time, I am really enjoying Matt’s way of navigating that sort of dichotomy of darkness and ridiculousness that the Doctor has. Matt is fun. David is still my absolute favourite, but I am enjoying Matt tremendously as well. The CGI might have gotten better, the stories bigger and bolder, and, what I felt the first time around, maybe lost a bit of it’s simple and human aspects, but it is still a show that makes you keep thinking, what if?

If you know me you know that I often say the words “ugh I hate people”. I hold the opinion on most days that we, humans, are the worst and we’re being for the most part terrible to ourselves, our environment, and that Earth would be better off if we all just died. However, on odd days in between, I am also like insanely fascinated by humans and by what we can do and who we are and all that. Watching nearly seven seasons of Doctor Who in one month and seeing the world and humans through the Doctor’s eyes, raised those odd days in between to a level able to compete with my humans-suck days. It’s basically 50/50 now, to be honest. If you boil my entire life down to a single conflict it’s that of HUMANS SUCK WE’RE THE WORST and HUMANS MY DUDE HUMANS WE HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL. Basically. Combine this binge-watch with the Opportunity Rover dying and you have me sobbing in a corner filled with hope for humanity and the need to change the world, because we could.

Oh.

Well.

Look at that. This is supposed to be a recap slash diary entry about this month and I have already spent all this time talking about Doctor Who. Can you imagine how annoying I was when I watched it the first time? Yeeeaaaah.

Anyway.

Watching Doctor Who was not actually the only thing I did in this month. I did a lot of procrastinating on a paper about witchcraft in Dutch art which I then finally finished the day before I had to hand it in, started university back up again in the middle of it, helped some friends on their moving day, hung out with other friends, went to a birthday, and, y’know, did things human beings do.

But—and I’m going back to Doctor Who again, sort of, I am so sorry—I also read a book. And not just some book. It was Good Omens by the two amazing gentlemen Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. Watching four seasons of David Tennant being amazing on Doctor Who also made me re-discover my adoration for him. Not that I didn’t already know that, I mean I did just watch him in Broadchurch. He is just great and I love watching him in things. And then he started a podcast (David Tennant Does A Podcast With…, it’s amazing, you should all listen to it) and he’s on radio shows promoting it and he is just ever present. And there was press and information and stuff going around for the tv adaption of Good Omens in which David plays Crowley, so he was just constantly on my mind. So I said to myself, hell yes, you need to re-read Good Omens before the show comes out in May, so why not do that now. And I did. And it was fantastic. And because I am me, and I am weird, I forced myself to stretch the last 100 pages of the book over an entire week, so I could walk into every first session of classes at university reading this book (four of which being theology classes, which was very important for me to be reading this book in). I needed to mark my place as resident weirdo, because who else could it be?

So, in summary, I guess my month could also be called “David Tennant February”. I watch Doctor Who nearly every evening, listen to David’s podcast every Tuesday, think about Good Omens every day—yeah, February was very heavy on the David Tennant content. I am not complaining.

To end this on a less David Tennant-y note, and a more “these things actually happened this month” bit, February has also been a month of, I don’t know, resurrection? Is that a good word? Anyway—February has brought out (or back) more of who I truly am again. Most of it is the weather (thanks climate change, I’m sorry the planet is dying), the sun being out, the temperatures already clocking in above 10 degrees celsius. I am enjoying it tremendously. I am convinced that I might be half-plant because the sun just revitalises me so strongly. Seasonal depression just goes down the gutter once the sun is out and I can feel the warmth of Spring on my skin. I am alive. Another thing is that I stopped, just really stopped giving a shit at university about other people and what they think. I am using all the bathrooms, no matter what. I am going by Alex even in German classes. I don’t apologise for anything or justify my actions. I don’t care anymore. What I do care about, is that I finally got a date for my consultation with a psychiatrist here in the city. I am partially excited and happy about it, however I also, as soon as I opened the envelope, felt completely numb and detached because the date is in June and that’s still so far off, which I guess I knew would be the case, but having confirmation for it, was just a bit…much, I think. Knowing that my future is in the hands of other people is not a thought I like very much and having to wait for other people to have time for me in that perspective is just not a fun thing. But we’ll get there. Eventually.

I don’t know guys, this post is just full on stream of consciousness, just me blabbing on and on about things that I don’t think anybody really cares about. But like I said last time, this is supposed to be a sort of diary entry for my garbage brain to remember what I did in my life, so y’know, this is valid.

I’ll talk to y’all in a month. Be good out there, guys. Be good.

Bye.

[advocatewrites-blog]

Into the Unknown Part 4 Chapter 2

Into the Unknown

Fandom: Undertale, Coraline (book), Over the Garden Wall, Paranorman, Gravity Falls (season 2)

Characters: Frisk, Norman B., Dipper P., Mabel P., Coraline J., Wirt, Greg, the Cat, the Frog; Sans, Toriel, Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys, Asgore,; the Other Mother, the Beast, Agatha P., Bill Cipher, Asriel D., Chara D.,

Pairings: Not the focus. Alphys/Undyne, with mentions of Papyrus/Mettaton, sans/Toriel/Asgore, and Wirt/Sara. Due to the nature of Undertale and the dating segments, there is also interpretable Papyrus/Wirt, Undyne/Mabel, Alphys/Dipper, Napstablook/Norman, Mettaton/Norman, Mettaton/Mabel, Sans/Dipper, Sans/Norman, and Sans/Greg.

Rated a high +K for violence, mild language, horrific elements that may be disturbing to younger readers,  mentions of child abuse and bullying, character death that is sometimes permanent, and mentions of suicide that may be triggering. These elements remain relatively unchanged from their source material, which most all are for children, but discretion is advised nonetheless.

Disclaimer: Undertale was created and owned by Toby Fox. Coraline was created by Neil Gaiman and owned by Bloomsbury and Laika. Over the Garden Wall was created by Patrick McHale and owned by Cartoon Network. Paranorman was created by Sam Fell and Chris Butler and owned by Laika. Gravity Falls was created by Alex Hirsch and owned by Disney. Any other work mentioned or homage are property of their respective owners. This is a fan-made, nonprofit work that only seeks to entertain. Please support the original franchises.

The hallway outside of the Ruins was a lot longer than either of them had expected. It was too dimly lit for either of them to see quite clearly, and the damp chill of caverns only grew as they walked. There was only one clear beacon of light as another chasm opened above them.

In the beacon of light, there sat a flower.

“I bet you think you’re real clever, don’t cha?” said Flowey. “Saving your goat mom like that?”

Both of them were still rattled from the fight, so the most Dipper could really do was stomp on Flowey. It burrowed back underground before his foot hit the ground.

“Tell me,” said Flowey as he popped up behind them.  “What do you think you would have done if you hadn’t saved her? What will happen if you meet someone you can’t spare?”

“We’re not here to fight anyone!” said Dipper.

“Oh? So why are you here, then?”

Mabel sent Dipper a concerned looked. The two fell silent. That was all that Flowey wanted to hear.

“You don’t know,” said Flowey in realization. “Don’t worry, my little monarchs. You’re not the ones I’m looking for. And maybe once you stop that goody two-shoes act, we can agree on something.”

Flowey burrowed back underground, leaving them alone.

“What was that about?” Mabel asked.

“I’m not sure…” said Dipper. “Mabel, what were we doing when we came down here?”

Mabel hummed as she thought.

“The last thing I remember was being at the Shack,” she said.

“Same with me,” said Dipper. “Do you think maybe something paranormal brought us here?”

“I mean, we are in a world of magic and monsters,” said Mabel. “Nothing’s out of the question.”

“Then we better get to work,” said Dipper.

Chapter 2

They didn’t talk much after they were reunited. It was too late to make any real plans, too dark to look at the map Frisk had gotten, and they were too tired to think clearly.

It was early when they started to talk again. The sun had barely risen above the mountains that surrounded them, but it was light enough that Frisk could read the map.

None of the mountains surrounding them were Mt. Ebott.

“These are not normal woodlands,” said the Cat. “Perhaps you can try finding another monster here?”

Frisk nodded.

“Then I suggest we try to avoid gnomes.”

He jumped out of his skin when he saw the white bone. A skull sat in the hoodie. Attached to the rest of it was a skeleton. Two pinpricks of light hovered in the eye sockets, as close to pupils as it could get.

“alright. go ahead and take your choice. don’t got enough g on me to keep restocking.”

The skeleton monster gave a vague gesture to a set of lamps sitting by the checkpoint station, and what fear Dipper had faded into confusion.

“Why do you just have human shaped lamps?” Dipper asked.

“ya better make it quick,” the skeleton said. “my bro’s gonna be here in a few minutes and he’s a human hunting fanatic.”

Dipper’s eyes widened as he put together what he meant, and dove behind one of the lamps that had a shade of a long cone. Mabel fell right behind him, and hid behind her own lamp.

“SANS!”

“sup bro?”

Mabel poked her head out from the lampshade. “Oh, he’s cute!”

Dipper looked up just long enough to see the other addresser.

“He’s a skeleton,” said Dipper.

“You say that like it’ll stop me,” said Mabel.

“SANS? ARE THOSE HUMANS?”

The twins froze. Slowly, they both poked their heads out from the lampshade.

“sure, bro,” said the shorter skeleton. His skeletal smile was as thick as ever (and Dipper noted in the back of his mind that it didn’t move when he spoke), but there was a hint of frustration in his tone that Dipper could not quite place why.

“GOOD JOB!! I GUESS THERE IS MERIT TO STARING AT THESE LAMPS ALL DAY!!!” The taller skeleton turned to the twins. “ATTENTION HUMANS! !!YOU SHALL NOT PASS THIS AREA! !! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL CAPTURE YOU!!! PROCEED…ONLY IF YOU DARE!!!”

He ran off, his laugh growing more and more distant.

“sorry bout that,” said the shorter skeleton. “name’s sans, by the way.”

He offered Dipper a hand up. Dipper noted the pink whoopee cushion hidden under his phalanges and decided to pull himself back up.

“Human hunting?” Dipper asked. “So you’re trying to hunt us down?”

“nah. he won’t hurt a fly,” said sans. “he’ll just fight you and give you awful puzzles to solve. i’ll keep an eyesocket out for you kids.”

sans walked off into the other direction as his brother. Dipper waited until he could not see him anymore to talk.

“Who just has a dozen people-shaped lamps waiting out in the middle of the forest?” He asked.

“The same kind of person who keeps hot dogs under his stand,” said Mabel as she rose. “And the kind of person I wanna be friends with. Want one?”

Dipper took one without thinking. His mind was racing.

Sans was not all that surprised to see the two humans in the world of monsters. He had gone through the trouble of special ordering several human-shaped lamps and dragging them out into the snow and forest. He had been expecting them.

“sans definitely knows something,” said Dipper as he took a bite of his hot dog. “Let’s try and figure out what.”

“Sounds like a plan, plan man!”

It was then that Dipper realized whatever he put into his mouth was not hot dog meat.

They find the boyband first. Frisk vaguely recalled seeing them on TV at one point, so it’s a bit of a surprise to find them in a magical forest. They thought about asking them whether or not they knew anything about the Kingdom of Monsters, but decide against it after they have to talk one of them out of eating a pinecone.

The boyband was not the only humans they found in the forest. They stumbled upon a campsite, where the only difference between its two occupants is the numbers on their hats. They did not know where Mt. Ebott was, but they were kind enough to show them where the other magical places in the forest are and offered their campsite if they couldn’t find a place for the night.

They find the gnomes again. They weren’t helpful.

It was late in the afternoon when something interesting happened. They only ventured in to town for a few moments, for Frisk to buy some food with what money they had left. It was only a packet of jerky from a vending machine, but it was enough until they can figure something else out. They wandered off to one of the prettier spots in the woods, settled down on a log, opened the packet…

The forest rumbled. Birds flew and gnomes ran away. Soundwaves shook the trees and cause ripples in the stream. The earth shook as something raced closer.

The Manutaur approaches.

Frisk ACTS without thinking, and held the jerky packed out in front of them. The fight stopped instantly.

“Not going to fight back, tiny human?” The manutaur asked as he poured jerky down his throat.

Frisk shook their head and shrugged.

“I believe they would like to talk to you instead,” said the Cat. “They are looking for a way into a kingdom of monsters. It should be hidden in the mountains.”

The manutaur hummed in thought. “Climb onto my backhairs. I’ll take you to meet with High Council.”

“I think I’ll pass,” said the Cat.

Frisk climbed aboard, and let the cat jumped onto their shoulders. The Manutaur sped off.

“HE’S…WELL…HE’S A BIG FUZZY PUSHOVER!” said Papyrus. “EVERYBODY LOVES THAT GUY! I AM CERTAIN IF YOU JUST SAY…’EXCUSE ME, MR. DREEMURR, CAN I PLEASE GO HOME?’ HE’LL GUIDE YOU RIGHT TO THE BARRIER HIMSELF! ANYWAY!!! THAT’S ENOUGH TALKING!!! I’LL BE AT HOME BEING A COOL FRIEND!!! LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!!!”

Papyrus ran through them back to his house, a movement that was at best a mix of running, skipping, and floating. His laughter faded off in the distance.

Dipper hardly noticed. His mind was abuzz with the new information, trying to put together what Papyrus had said to the theories he had already crafted into his head.

He hardly even noticed the last thing Papyrus had said, until he looked over at Mabel and saw the look in her eyes.

“You want to go on a date with him right away?” Dipper asked.

“Why not?” said Mabel. “He said we can visit whenever we want for that date!”

“Your date,” Dipper said.

“And what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know! I think there was a restaurant in town…”

“I bet if you go with me you’d be able to talk to sans about whatever nerdy stuff you wanna talk about,” said Mabel.

Dipper opened his mouth to argue, but close it just as quickly. That was actually a good point.

“Just promise me you won’t call my thing a date,” said Dipper.

“Can’t! Let’s go!”

It was a long and hard-fought training montage that lasted the whole day. But eventually, Frisk was accepted by the Mautaurs. They gave them bits of leather armor that did not really fit them, a spear made of bone and stone that reminded them of Papyrus and Undyne, and some neat temporary tattoos. They were sent on their way to conquer the Multibear.

“And we shall go with you to make sure you don’t botch this like Destructor did,” said Pituitor.

But Frisk knew they weren’t going to Fight the Multibear, much less conquer it. Hopefully the other Manutaurs would be cool with that too.

The Multibear lived on the other side of the mountain range. Frisk scaled it the way the Mautaurs had taught them. They entered the cave. The Manutaurs were right behind them.

The sounds of roars alerted Frisk to the location of the Multibear before their eyes could fully adjust to the darkness. The Multibear emerged from the shadows.

“Bear heads! Quiet!” The biggest head of the Multibear snapped. “So, the Manutaurs have seen fit to send to me another human.”

“Yeah, because you SUCK!” Gronk shouted from outside.

The bear head growled again, but stopped as it was slapped.

Frisk nodded enthusiastically. They put their spear down to sign.

“I am afraid I do not speak the language of Hands,” said the Multibear.

“Then allow me to translate,” said the Cat as he emerged from a stalagmite. “They want to ask you for directions.”

There was a loud groan from the Manutaurs outside. The Cat ignored it.

“They wish to find the Kingdom of Monsters,” said the Cat.

“You would provoke the ire of the Manutaurs just to find it?” asked the Multibear.

Frisk nodded.

“Then you must be very lost,” said the Multibear. “Very well. I will tell you what I know.”

Papyrus’ house was a unique mixture of old, clashing furniture, and surfaces so clean it was hard to believe that they had ever held dust. In a lot of ways, it reminded Dipper of the Mystery Shack. He took a seat on the couch and started to flip through a book on quantum physics.

“Wow! How’d you get your sink so high?”

Shoved in between the pages was a joke book, just a little smaller than the textbook.  Curious, Dipper took that out.

“DO YOU LIKE IT?! I MADE IT TALLER SO I CAN STORE MORE BONES UNDERNEATH. TAKE A LOOK!!!”

The joke book had been hollowed out to hold another book on quantum physics. Dipper took it out and opened it up.

“WHAT?!?! CATCH THAT MEDDLING CANINE!”

Dipper looked up long enough from the books to watch the small Pomeranian from before rush through the kitchen and out the door.

“CURSES!”

The sound of a sad trombone filled the house.

“SANS!! STOP PLAUGING MY LIFE WITH INCIDENTAL MUSIC AND COME HELP ME ENTERTAIN THESE HUMANS!”

“oh, what?” sans’ voice echoed from the top of the stairs.

“YES! THE TALLER HUMAN AND I WERE PLANNING ON GOING TO MY ROOM AND DOING…WHATEVER IT IS PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY GO ON DATES! COULD YOU PERHAPS ENTERTAIN THE SHORTER ONE???”

“I’m shorter than Mabel by, like, an inch!” said Dipper.

There was a lingering pause upstairs, as sans thought about what had been asked.

“sure thing bro,”

There was the sound of a closing door upstairs, and the front door swung open.

“sorry bro,” said sans. “just wanted to make sure i got my date clothes on.”

The only thing Dipper noticed that was different were his socks, now matching.

“GREAT!! COME ALONG THEN, HUMAN!!! HAVE FUN ON YOUR DATE, SANS!!!”

Mabel wriggled her eyebrows at Dipper as she rushed upstairs with Papyrus. Dipper tried his best to ignore her.

*DATING START!

“So, uh…” Dipper started. He made a vague gesture to the books on his lap.

“oh yeah,” said sans. “paps got that one for me. i made a few of my own modifications, of course, but i don’t think he’s gotten the joke yet.”

Silence fell between the two as Dipper tried to think of what to say next.

“DON’T THINK YOU’VE BESTED ME YET!!!” Papyrus’ voice rang from upstairs. “I’VE NEVER BEEN BEATING AT DATING AND I NEVER WILL!!”

“Hey, sans,” said Dipper. “Do you know anything about a talking flower?”

The atmosphere grew heavy. sans’ grin tightened, and for a second Dipper felt a shiver up his spine.

“the echo flowers in waterfall, right?” sans asked. “didn’t think you had made it that far.”

“We haven’t,” said Dipper. “I mean a small golden flower that talks back at you, not just an echo.”

“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THE HIDDEN POWER OF THIS OUTFIT!”

sans was silent for a moment. He shifted in his seat so he could look Dipper in the eyes. His smile had grown bigger, but Dipper was not entirely sure that was a good thing.

“I have a question for you kid…how did you end up in the Underground?”

“I don’t know. Mabel and I just kind of ended up here,” said Dipper. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out. And I think that flower might have something to do with it.”

“RIGHT! BUT OH SO WRONG! THIS AIN’T ANY PLAIN OL’ PASTA!! THIS IS AN ARTISAN’S WORK!!! SILKEN SPAGHETTI FINLEY AGED IN AN OAKEN CAST, THEN COOKED BY ME, MASTER CHEF PAPYRUS!!!”

“And I think you might know something about it,” Dipper finished.

The lights in sans’s eyesockets went out. Dipper fought the urge to jump back and run. Phalanges tapped on the sofa, forming a melodic pattern.

“What makes you think that, bucko?”

Dipper swallowed in a vain attempt to stop his voice from cracking before he spoke.

“Who orders a set of human-shaped lamps and leaves them out in the forest?”

“AUGH!!! URGH!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

“Should we do something about that?” Dipper asked.

“nah, they’re probably fine.” said sans. “but you know…you may be on to something kiddo. tell you what; you tell me more about that flower, i’ll tell you more about the other humans. deal?”

“Fine.” said Dipper.

“great. i’ll keep an eyesocket out for you, kid.”

sans stood from the couch and walked out the front door again. Dipper did not have a chance to question it before Mabel came downstairs.

“How’d it go?” he asked.

“I dunno,” said Mabel as she plopped onto the couch. “I mean he dumped me, but that was the best date I’ve ever been on.”

Dipper decided it was not worth it to point out that all of her other dates were with a group of gnomes, a merman, a psychic brat currently in jail, and the guy on the $10 bill.

“How’d talking to sans go?” Mabel asked.

“I might be onto something,” Dipper said. “There’s a lot more going on in the Underground that we don’t know about.”

Author’s Note: Compared to Coraline, Wirt, Greg, and even Norman to an extent, the Pines twins know what they’re doing. They’re ready to solve some mysteries and rewrite history.

[pagerunner]

For the asks for fanfic writers, 2, 3, 4 and 13

2 - things that motivate youPeople liking the stuff I do - I like to make stuff, but I’m far more motivated to make things for other people than for myself. So I sew, knit, cross stitch, and now write(?!) generally with the idea that it’s aimed at someone. It can be someone specific or just a vague fog of people, but I’m much more likely to finish things that I start for others.

3 - name three favorite writersJasper Fforde - I love puns, literary references, and women who take no shit. So Thursday Next is AMAZING. I have an entropy detector signed by him (it’s a jar of lentils and rice.)

Ann Leckie - the subtlety in the way she worldbuilds and crafts characters is incredible. (I am not subtle, but I want to be). also, she surprises laughs at the strangest moments.

Okay, trying to choose a third is REALLY hard, so I’m going to go with one I’ve just discovered: Paolo Bacigalupi. I heard him speak at a book festival last year and just read his book The Water Knife, which was an incredible, believable dystopian future at the southwestern US in a water crisis. It mostly takes place in Phoenix, where I live, (not a lot of people have Phoenix as a setting) and it freaked me out, but I loved it.

Honorable Mentions to my perennial favorites: Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, Nancy FRICKIN Farmer, Val McDermid, ooh and Jane Lindskold. 

4 - name three authors that were influential to your work and tell whyMatt Fraction - (I was going to put him up above, but this works too) He’s obviously influential in the fact that I went and wrote a novel length story because I fell in love with his characters - or his depictions of characters, anyway - but moreso because he’s got a great grasp on balancing character emotions and doing it in not a lot of room. And he keeps doing new, weird shit? I’m not at that point with writing yet, but I definitely have a tendency to look at something new and go “I wanna try that” (which is how I’ve ended up sewing cosplay, playing roller derby, and writing fanfic). Between Casanova (a james bondish spy stories that takes place on multiple planes of existence), Sex Criminals (about a librarian and her boyfriend who stop time with their orgasms in order to rob banks), and ody-c (uhhh a genderflipped, psychedelic retelling of the Odyssey in space all written in a dummy dactylic hexameter until we hit the fall of the house of atreus when we switch to LIMERICKS?!?!) i never know what to expect and i love it.

Cornelia Funke - damn she’s incredible. The way she talks and writes about books makes me fall in love with them all over again. I love how much fun she clearly has with her characters and her worlds - they have both a tangible and magical feel to them that’s difficult to describe, but i relish reading. I heard her speak at sdcc one year, and I’m still not over how articulate she was. I only wish I could speak that well (nevermind in a second language).

Tamora Pierce - I kinda mentioned this in a previous ask, but I spent many, many years telling myself fanfic before I wrote anything down. It didn’t start with Pierce’s books, but trying to attribute an author to robin hood is laughable, and I think I spent the most time using Pierce’s worlds as a backdrop and tossing in anyone who I thought would fit. It was a good escape and taught me more about dialog and character dynamics than I ever realized until I started writing things down. 

14 - 13 hardest easiest character to write(I already answered 13, dammit Eliot, so I’ll do 14!) It depends on my mood, but Natasha and Bobbi are both freakishly easy. Especially Natasha - she’s cool and collected, and a bit of a dork, and writing her scenes is like remembering I have spreadable butter in the fridge. When I get back to that cross-over I’m going to have a good bit with her and Eliot working together and I’m looking forward to having the two of them interact more. In Leverage, Hardison. He’s got a clear voice and he’s a big nerd, so he’s fun to write. 

wheee that got long. Thanks for the ask!

[littlestarofthewest]

Hi, I love your fics and wanted to know if you have some tips for someone who wants to start writing? English is not my main language and I don't know if it's worth writting on my first language and then translate/adapt to english...

Hey anon, sorry this took me so long to answer, but I just wanted to do a somewhat decent job with it. Also, thank you. I'm really honored that you consider me to be someone who can actually give valid advice. I put this under a read more because it got super long (I’m sorry if that’s not at all what you were looking for).

Important side note: While I use phrases like "this is better," everything below is my personal opinion and not some sort of universal truth. I'm not criticizing any writers. I'm sure they know what they're doing, and we're all just looking for ways to put out the best works we can.

A lot of writers use things in their stories that I try my hardest to avoid, and they still have lots of happy readers. It comes down to personal preference, and all I'm offering here are a few ideas for you to consider.

-------

Let's start with the language issue. When I started writing fanfic I thought about the same thing. I think you have to consider 3 things:

1. Do I have the time / am I willing to translate everything?I'm usually so excited about finishing a story that I want to post it right away. You won't be able to do that if you need to translate it first. Also, writing itself can already be exhausting, and you're going to have to do the same work twice with each story.

2. Is my native language interesting for others?I'm German, and since the majority of the German people I'm in fandoms with speak English, there's no need to post anything in German. If the source material is English, they will consume English fics.

If you know your language to be interesting for other people, it would make more sense to post both languages to reach a bigger audience.

3. How close is my native language to English?Again, I can give you the example of German. The two languages are very different when it comes to sentence structure and how to phrase things. So, if I were to write in German first, a translation would be quite tricky. I'd probably end up "rewriting" the story rather than translating it word for word because the English wouldn't sound so good.

In conclusion: I know it's tempting to write in your own language because it seems more natural but unless you have good reason to do it that way (as mentioned above), I'd probably try to write in English right away. That's what I ended up doing. If you want to find the best way for you, try it both ways and see what works best.

Judging from your ask, I'd say you have enough knowledge of the language to write in English, and while it might suck a little in the beginning, it gets a lot easier over time.

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GENERAL ADVICE

1. Write! Practice is key. Talent might be a thing, but what makes you better at something is actually doing it. You don't have to publish everything, but the fact that you wrote it will help you to get better. I cringe whenever I look at things that I wrote 6 years ago, but it's also great to see how much better I am now compared to then. If you keep at it, you'll definitely see that change at some point.

2. Don't get discouraged if there's no significant response. Even for amazing writers, it takes time to get some traction. Especially on tumblr it's tough to be seen. There are also a ton of reasons why people might not interact, like forgetfulness, blog aesthetic, laziness, shyness, etc. That doesn't mean they don't enjoy your work. I hate to say "write for yourself," but that's the mindset you need. It should be still fun for yourself, even if you don't get a lot of feedback.

3. Have a healthy attitude towards your work.It's absolutely okay to love your own stuff, and if you enjoy it, feel free to show it. Still accept if not everybody else likes it, though.

BUT… don't hate on your work. A lot of writers are a little unsure about themselves, and that's okay, but if you say things like "this is garbage" about your own fics, you shouldn't be surprised if people don't read it. Why would they, if even you don't like it? So, don't put yourself down. Putting words on paper out of nothing is hard work, and every fic is worth at least the time and effort you put into it.

4. Read! My English improved a great deal just by reading. You'll pick up vocabulary and ways of phrasing things without even trying too hard. Read with variety. Fanfic is great, and it's a good idea to see what's out there, but fic writers are still a certain kind of writer. Mix it up with published books (even if it's hard to find LGBTQ+ content), preferably with different genres you're interested in.

5. Mingle. It's hard to put yourself out there, but don't be shy to promote yourself a little. If you feel like doing that, offer to take requests. Check out other writers. One great way to find readers is actually to interact with other writers. We can all need the support, and you might end up picking up some good advice.

Be respectful, though. I've seen people leave comments just to go like, "Hey, you wanna read my stuff, too?" Not nice. If you interact in a friendly manner, there's a good chance they'll check you out anyway. No need to pressure them.

6. Make an effort. I learned that one early on, when someone commented on one of my first fics that they "almost didn't read it because of the way it was formatted." It kinda sucks when you finally have something to post and then need to "waste time" with that stuff, but it's just as important as the story itself.

You don't have editors who will fix every little thing but try to do the basics yourself.- correct your punctuation- try avoiding walls of text- make enough paragraphs (when different people speak etc.)- check for major spelling errors

7. Consider advice / ignore haters. When someone gives you advice (if you asked for it or not), consider it. It's not smart to reject it right away, but you also don't have to do what others tell you. Pick out what works best for you. If someone's rude, kick them out of your life and don't waste a second on them. It's not on you to teach them to be polite.

8. Be mindful of your readers. It's their job to construct a safe atmosphere for themselves online, but you can do a great deal to help them. If you post on AO3, tag your stuff!! I hate to give away spoilers, but a lot of readers will feel better reading your stuff if they know that you look out for them.

On tumblr, use the right tags. Don't tag every character and ship in the universe. People will hate you (for a good reason). Go with what's actually in your story. Mentioning the basics in your post might be an option, too. (I give a quick overview on top of each story, but many writers don't. That's personal preference.)

And due to recent events, a plea from myself. Please consider all genders, sexualities etc. when you post. Tag your male/gn/female/trans reader inserts, tag your ships, tag major triggers, etc. You can't know every dislike of every person, but you have a bit of responsibility here, so please make an effort.

9. Write first - edit later. I'm shitty at this myself, but it's still great advice. A good way to avoid writer's block is just to put down the words, no matter what. It sounds like garbage? It doesn't matter. Did you use the same verb three times in one paragraph? Fix it later. No idea how that sentence should go? Add [character is doing some great action move to defeat the villain] and move on. Fill it in later.

Neil Gaiman said: "There is no first draft worse than a blank page."

You can always change and fix what's already there, but you can't work with nothing.

10. Take writing breaks. You don't have to crap out 2k of words a day to be a writer. In fact, letting your mind rest can be a great way to gain motivation and inspiration. Do something you love and don't hate yourself if the words don't come right away. They'll be back.

----------

SPECIFIC WRITING ADVICE

There's one golden rule: You want your readers to be so enthralled by the story that they forget that they're reading it.

These are some things that I picked up and still look out for to get exactly that effect. If you do that or not is totally up to you, though.

1. Use paragraphs when another person speaks. Although pretty much every advice blog tells you this, I still see stories that don't do that, and it's super confusing for readers.

NO:Arthur stands up and comes your way. "Are you sure?" You put your arms around him and nod. "Of course."

YES:Arthur stands up and comes your way.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

You put your arms around him and nod. "Of course."

There are a few ways to do this, but the important part is that your readers know who's talking at all times. The second they have to ask and maybe reread to find who says what, they're thrown out of the story.

2. Don't be afraid of "said" and "asked." I know there are these great lists of other words, but there are a time and place. Imagine yourself in conversation. Do you switch between sighing, whispering, growling and shouting with each sentence? Most of the time, people just say things. Use said and pepper in other words when it matters. Also, people tend to read over said. When you switch each sentence, they'll notice which breaks the golden rule.

3. Read out loud. If a sentence is weird, that might help you distinguish what doesn't work. If you notice a point that makes you reread or pause for a moment, chances are your reader will too.

This is also a great way to find weird dialogue. Actually speak the words, and you might notice that nobody talks that way. It's also great to find "the voice" of a character. Read it in their voice and dialect (nobody has to know if you suck at it), and you'll see if that's something they would actually say.

4. Only use epithets if they are absolutely necessary or convey an important fact!!! (This one is a real pet peeve for me because it's so dominant in fic)

NO:The Blonde leaned over, holding out his hand. You shook it, and were taken aback by the older man's shining blue eyes. The cowboy had a voice that made your skin prickle when he finally talked to you.

This is bad for a few reasons:a) You have to come up with all those epithets and oftentimes, they're not very good. b) It can be confusing because it might seem as if you're talking about more than one person. c) Your readers will focus on each new epithet, which breaks the golden rule.

It can be great to introduce a character as the tall, handsome stranger, but as soon as you know how they're called (and you should try to get there fast), for the love of God, use the name. It might sound repetitive to you since you're the one writing it, but readers usually read over names.

If you have to use a workaround, stick to one. The same person is always "the stranger," the next one is "the loudmouth," etc. That way, you can have multiple unknown characters without confusing your readers.

The only!! other reason to use an epithet is to emphasize a particular fact.

YES:"It hurt Arthur to leave John behind, but he wants his brother to be safe."

You could just write "he wants him to be safe," but in this case, "his brother" isn't only a replacement but is supposed to show that Arthur thinks of John as a brother and not just a friend. It actually means something and might even convey information your reader didn't have up until this point. It works well in dialogue, too.

"I need to go with them," you tell Karen, "and try my best to keep tall, dark, and handsome out of trouble."

Karen looks over to John and rolls her eyes. "Good luck."

Of course, the reader character knows John's name, but using the epithet here gives a little insight into how they think about John and that they're comfortable sharing that information with Karen.

5. Check your punctuation. Nobody's gonna kill you if you forget a comma, but try to get it right as well as you can, especially with dialogue. Those are a few rules that aren't hard to understand, and it's especially important if your native language does them differently.

English:"Would you just shut up," says Arthur, giving Micah a mean stare. "One more word, and I'll have to shoot you."

German:"Würdest du mal die Klappe halten", sagt Arthur mit einem bösen Blick zu Micah. "Noch ein Wort und ich werde dich erschießen müssen."

In German, you put the comma after " while you put it inside " " in English. It's a subtle difference, but it threw me a lot when I started writing in English. And if I notice, then readers might notice which again breaks the golden rule.

Besides, we're trying to make some effort, right? Let your story look pretty and professional. You can google a lot of useful guides about comma rules, dashes, and correct punctuation in dialogue.

6. Passive voice can be avoided. Or better said, avoid passive voice. I'm not saying, don't use it at all, since some very common phrases use passive voice, but try not to overdo it.

In most cases, there's always a better way to phrase a sentence, and active voice usually has more dynamic and drives your story in a way that passive voice can't.

7. Adverbs. Most writing advice blogs will tell you to avoid them like the plague. When I first started writing, I was a little on the fence with that advice, but by now, I agree with all my heart. Again, not saying that you can't have a single adverb in your story, but on many occasions, there's a better alternative.

NO:With his heart beating rapidly, Arthur moves quickly around the wagon, pulling out his gun. He fires back, shouting angrily at his attackers, "You gonna pay for this!"

YES:With his heart almost beating out of his chest, Arthur darts around the wagon, pulling out his gun. He fires back at his attackers, his anger sounding like a lion's roar in his voice. "You gonna pay for this!"

I'm not saying that version B is THE best way to write this, but I dare say it's way better than version A. Maybe that's because I'm not a native speaker, but it hurts my head if I have to read 3 words ending in -ly in one tiny paragraph.

A lot of writers very much abuse adverbs in their dialogue tags, which can make things repetitive and takes away the opportunity to put better information there. BUT, there's definitely a time and place for adverbs.

"He speaks quietly to her" is NOT the same as "he whispers to her," and that's the hill I'm going to die on.

8. Strong verbs. I suck at this myself, but this is where you should actually look for long lists of "other words for." This might be especially helpful when you have the above mentioned adverb problem (e.g., dashes, darts > goes quickly).

Still, don't overdo it. You might find words that sound fancy, but chances are that even native speakers might have no idea what you're saying.

9. Past or present tenseWhen writing in German, I often used past tense, but somehow I'm more comfortable with present tense in English.

From what I gathered over the years, most fic readers don't care either way; the only important thing is: pick one, stick to it! It's a widespread mistake a lot of writers make that they somehow switch tenses while writing. It happened to me a lot in the beginning and still does to this day. So be warned ;D

10. What POV should I use?

Again, google is your friend. There are a few different POVs you can use, some of them are very common in fic while others seem to be less popular (like 1st person as in "I do this, I do that"). There are 3 rules that I find important.

a) Don't switch inside of the story. Decide which one you want and stick to it. It's very confusing to switch at some point.

b) After you picked one, look out for the traps. If you write from one character's POV, they can't know things unless somebody tells them about it or they were present for the event. It's easy to suddenly have a character know something because YOU know it. Make sure it makes sense within the story.

c) Don't switch mid-sentence or mid-paragraph. I've seen this a lot lately in reader fics. You have 2k of story from the reader's POV, and then when they interact with the character, the author suddenly ventures into the feelings and inner thoughts of the character. That's confusing, especially if it happens without any marker or break in the text.

Don't switch just because it's convenient. If you want to give them both a voice, do it from the start. And if you do, switch where it makes sense, e.g. every other chapter, in the middle of the chapter with a visible break, etc.

------

That's all I can think of for now. I hope it helps you in any way, and feel free to talk about it with me whenever you want. I can ALWAYS talk about writing.

Good fortune with your writing!!!

[advocatewrites-blog]

Into the Unknown Part 3 Chapter 3

Into the Unknown

Fandom: Undertale, Coraline (book), Over the Garden Wall, Paranorman, Gravity Falls (season 2)

Characters: Frisk, Norman B., Dipper P., Mabel P., Coraline J., Wirt, Greg, the Cat, the Frog; Sans, Toriel, Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys, Asgore,; the Other Mother, the Beast, Agatha P., Bill Cipher, Asriel D., Chara D.,

Pairings: Not the focus. Alphys/Undyne, with mentions of Papyrus/Mettaton, sans/Toriel/Asgore, and Wirt/Sara. Due to the nature of Undertale and the dating segments, there is also interpretable Papyrus/Wirt, Undyne/Mabel, Alphys/Dipper, Napstablook/Norman, Mettaton/Norman, Mettaton/Mabel, Sans/Dipper, Sans/Norman, and Sans/Greg.

Rated a high +K for violence, mild language, horrific elements that may be disturbing to younger readers,  mentions of child abuse and bullying, character death that is sometimes permanent, and mentions of suicide that may be triggering. These elements remain relatively unchanged from their source material, which most all are for children, but discretion is advised nonetheless.

Disclaimer: Undertale was created and owned by Toby Fox. Coraline was created by Neil Gaiman and owned by Bloomsbury and Laika. Over the Garden Wall was created by Patrick McHale and owned by Cartoon Network. Paranorman was created by Sam Fell and Chris Butler and owned by Laika. Gravity Falls was created by Alex Hirsch and owned by Disney. Any other work mentioned or homage are property of their respective owners. This is a fan-made, nonprofit work that only seeks to entertain. Please support the original franchises.

Start from beginning / Previous chapter / Next chapter

Chapter 3

Undyne was right behind him.

Norman ran along the piers in the Waterfall. Energy spears shot up from the ground, never quite hitting him but always getting closer than he wanted them to be.  The floor was splitting below him.

He reached a dead end. Undyne’s footsteps, loud metal clacking on wood, slowed. She knew it was a dead end too.

He turned and saw her take one more step, right where her spears had splintered the wood already. There was a sickening cracking noise as the bridge collapsed. He fell.

“It sounded like it came from over here…Oh! You’ve fallen down, haven’t you? Are you okay? Here, get up…Chara, huh? That’s a nice name. My name is—”

 He was awake before he could hear the last part of that.

It took Norman a minute to regain his bearings. He had landed on a patch of golden flowers, the same kind that were in the Ruins. Above head, he could make out just the faintest rays of the sun. He was still in the Underground.

What was that? It was too vivid to be a dream, he realized, and he did not think he had fallen asleep anyway. It was more like a vision. He did not recall having visions, but for some reason, the idea felt right in his head. If he could see ghosts, anything was possible, he supposed.

There was no point of worrying about it now. If it was a vision, it had not told him enough to make sense of it. Norman picked himself up and continued forward.

There was no better way to describe the things that emerged from the ground: they were zombies. They looked as ever bit grotesque as the art in Norman’s room depicted them; pale green skin that should have rotted, skeletal limbs and organs that should be spilling out.

The FIGHT began.

The Cat ran in-between Frisk and the zombies, hair sticking on ends and a hiss in his throat. He stood ready to pounce at the first sign of conflict. Without thinking about it, Frisk ran a CHECK on the closest one.

????? 80 ATK 80 DEF

He’s been asleep for a long time. It’s not his fault.

The zombie lurched forward, but did not otherwise attack. He would not attack them straight out, Frisk realized.  So they decided to ACT.

*CHECK                          *TALK

*CONSOLE                      *CRITISIZE

*STEAL WIG

Hi! I’m F-R-I-S-K! They signed quickly, ending with a little wave.

The zombies gave her a confused look. Maybe they didn’t understand signing. Frisk reached for their notebook and wrote it down during the zombie’s turn.

The zombie with the wig leaned into it, old eyes struggling to read it. He reached for the notebook and pen.

JUDGE HOPKINS 80 ATK 80 DEF

He’s been asleep for a long time. He did what he had to do.

The place Norman had landed in was a Dump. Most of the garbage had been kept in bins and bags, but quite a bit was flowing through the pond freely. Norman could make out some things that were clearly monster-made, like gloves for six-fingered folk and a jar of construction paper labelled “Temmy Flaeks.” Most of it, however, looked like it came from above; coolers, desktop computers with empty contents, DVD cases with desperate claw marks covering the surface.

Norman was so absorbed in looking for the human-made things that he hardly noticed when the Training Dummy jumped in front of him.

“HAHAHAHA…Too intimidated to fight me, huh!?” said the Dummy. “I am a ghost that lives inside a DUMMY. My cousin used to live inside a dummy, too. Until…YOU CAME ALONG!”

He barely remembered the Dummy, all the way back in the Ruins. Toriel had just told him to talk to it.  It did not even answer back.

“What did I do?” Norman asked.

“When you talked to them, they thought they were in for a nice chat,” Said the Dummy. “But the things you SAID…! Horrible. Shocking! UNBELIEVABLE!”

Norman may not have remembered the Dummy very well, but he knew that all he did was ask him how the weather was before Toriel said that was good enough.

“It spooked them right out of their dummy!  HUMAN! I’ll scare your Soul out of your body!”

Mad Dummy blocks the way.

“Listen, I didn’t mean—“ Norman started.

He stopped as a series of dummy-shaped bullets were fired his way. He jumped out of the way. He jumped back as they spun around like boomerangs and rushed back to him.

“OWWWW, you DUMMIES!! Watch where you’re aiming you MAGIC attacks!” the dummy cried.  “Wait…forget I said that!”

Another set of bullets fired towards him, but Norman easily dodged them and watched them fire back at the Mad Dummy.

“HEY GUYS!” The Mad Dummy shouted as he summoned his next round of bullets. “Dummies. Dummies! DUMMIES! YOU’RE FIRED! YOU’RE ALL BEING REPLACED!!!”

The dummy bullets faded out of existence with sheepish expressions,

“Now you’ll see my real power,” said the Mad Dummy. “Relying on people that aren’t garbage!”

Mechanical whirs filled the room. Norman tried to talk him down again. He didn’t seem much for conversation. Nobody was happy with this.

The next set of bullets appeared, bulkier and boxier than the others. Norman jumped out of the way like the others, only to turn around and find they were still chasing him down. He ran forward, coming face to nuzzle with the Mad Dummy as they lost course and plowed into it.

“DUMMY BOTS! You’re awful???” the Mad Dummy cried.

More missiles were launched towards Norman, and he found himself running in circles. A few more hit the Mad Dummy.

“Who cares. Who cares! WHO CARES!!! I DON’T NEED FRIENDS!”

The dummy bots vanished, and were replaced with a single large bullet.

“I GOT KNIVES!!!”

The knife landed by Norman’s feet.

“I’m…out of knives.”

More bullets filled the field, but not the ones the Mad Dummy used. Most of them faded out before they got close to Norman, instead landing on the Mad Dummy and sizzling.

“Wh-what the heck is this? Acid rain?” said the Mad Dummy. “Oh FORGET IT! I’m outta here!”

The Mad Dummy slipped past Norman and back out into the fields of worthless garbage.

“…sorry, I interrupted you, didn’t I? as soon as I came over, your friend immediately left…oh no, it looked like you guys were having fun…oh no………………………………………………………………………………..”

There was a storm brewing in Blithe’s Hollow. As soon as the sun set and the dead rose, there was a chill in the air. Storm clouds hung in the air, crackling with thunder. Frisk could just make out the shapes that formed as they swirled. But it was not just a storm; that much was obvious. There was a type of pressure on their Soul, the same they usually felt as a Fight started. Something else was going on.

After a long back and forth conversation between two people that could not talk and two games of tic-tac-toe, Frisk understood better. The witch was not buried with the judges. They would have to find her grave, and start from there. Judge Hopkins was the only one, possibly ever, who knew where she was buried, so he led the way.

The town was deathly still. What was once packed with ghosts and people now only held a few cars and bystanders. The only sign that there was still life were the neon signs and traffic lights.

For some reason, that scared the zombies the most.

I know, gas prices have gone too high, Frisk wrote down in the notebook, because it seemed like a smart thing to say.

Jude Hopkins snatched the notebook from them and began writing furiously. He had filled nearly a page when they first heard the screams.

“well…I’m gonna go head home now…” said Napstablook. “oh…feel free to ‘come with’ if you want…but no pressure…”

“I don’t want to impose,” said Norman.

“neither do I…” said Napstablook.

They didn’t seem much for conversation. Nobody was happy with this.

“I live up just this way, in case you want to join me…” said Napstablook. “or, in case, you don’t…”

The neighborhood that sat just above the dump was small. There were only a handful of houses but they were all uniquely shaped. No one house looked the same, and no one house looked like a real house. Even Napstablook’s house was built into its neighbors, forming a perfectly symmetrical image.

The interior was much more what Norman would have expected. There were no chairs, but he remembered how his grandmother liked to phase in and out of furniture and figured most ghosts didn’t invest in things they could not touch. Yet there was a desk with a working computer, a small TV, even a refrigerator. And on the other side of the house were piles and piles of CDs.

“uh…do you wanna…listen to some tunes, or something…?” Napstablook asked.