#(me reading thru this list) wow i say <3 a lot

[knichii]

OK. does anyone else feel irritated that eng dub seems to be favoured in mha? in edits, in fics, it's clear most people watched dub and idk it's been rlly grinding my gears.

okay, to get this out the way, I don't like mha's eng dub. I don't like any of them. half don't fit their characters, 75% of the time the tone lands forced and awkward, and its literally just unbearable for me to watch I'm sorry. I have this issue with a lot of anime and cartoons so this isn't solely a my hero problem, but this is definitely the most severely I've disliked a dub. and yet I cannot escape it.

one of my biggest issues is the nuance that's lost in translation. anyone with any familiarity with the Japanese language will know what I mean. list of examples:

HONORIFICS

1. iida refers to class 1-A with '-kun'

2. yaoyorozu refers to class 1-A with '-san'

3. asui refers to class 1-A with '-chan'

3. deku with '-kun' (m) & '-san' (f)

that says SO MUCH about their characters, how they view their relationships, how they view themselves,, but in dub?? all of that's lost. ESP the significance of deku still calling bkg 'kacchan'. [simplified, '-chan' is used for cute/endearing things. it stemmed from children mispronouncing '-san', and became a childish, cutesy way of calling someone, usually someone you're VERY familiar with. it implies a shocking ammount of intimacy] thru years of bullying, all the rocks and straight up non existent road of their relationship, deku STILL calls him 'kacchan', the ONLY one allowed to do so ("but kaminari--" NEENAWNEENAWNEENAW).

in eng dub it gets reduced to a mere nickname, lacking all of its weight.

another thing is bakugou sub vs dub (...)

URGGGGGGHHHH

the most recent example is when bkg says "of course you pulled it off, Icyhot." (I forgot the context tho) in sub, he says "of course you pulled it off, TODOROKI".

THATS SUCH A NICHE, SUBTLE WAY OF SHOWING HIS DEVELOPMENT THATS TOSSED STRAIGHT OUT THE WINDOW. translation (manga) also has him calling his seniors 'senpai' which is... not what he says in sub????? 'senpai' indicates respect for someone your senior,,,, which. bkg would never show. (or only in EXTREMELY rare cases, MAYBE)

there's also my peeve abt names. this may be an only me issue, but I don't like it when japanese names are written in western format (e.g Izuku Midoriya)... ("this guy cannot be fr rn" unfortunately yes I am). I don't have a reason for this, and I'm aware it's niche and irrational, but I always cringe a little when I'm reading a fic, that's SET IN JAPAN, and their names are written Given Name, Family Name. emphasis on SET IN JAPAN. THEY ARE JAPANESE. THEY ARE NOT AMERICAN.

bkg's hero name. his og one which was translated to King Explosion Murder, losing all of the wit and cleverness in the jp original. this post goes into more detail and is very cool check it out

slightly irrelevant but bkg's jp va, Okamoto Nobuhiko, like. wow. the bkdk fight? the voice cracks? the ANGUISH?? the softness in his voice when bkg was abt to die (the hallucination w all might) ??? like,, wow. the emotion is so much more raw than it's conveyed in eng

I've gotten off point. point is I WISH MORE PEOPLE APPRECIATED AND WATCHED IN JP SUB. IM SCREAMING INTO THE VOID AND MY OWN VOICE IS ECHOING BACK I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE.

(note: jjk was my first anime fandom so I'm probably spoiled. over there, sub seems to be favoured, barring a few iconic lines [ray chase lwk served as sukuna in the shibuya arc] and the fics, like 70% of the ones I read, used japanese honorifics and culture. in comparison, mha was a bit of a shock. the side of the fandom I washed up on is so... American??? maybe I'm in the wrong place idk. everything's just extremely white and slightly uncomfortable.)

this was a bit of a vent post,, obviously ik people are entitled to opinions (even if they're wrong), I js wanted tk if anyone else felt the same way

reading this back, I'm aware of how chronically online I am. yeah. still tho

[clairewolf]

um hello??? this is your sign to give some fic recs !!

[breathes out a sigh of relief] thank you

everything here is under 10k hits because i wanted it to be focused on Fics People Should Talk About More

ROCKING AND ROLLING | a_good_soldier | 21k | if the season 12 “dean and sam go to prison��� plotline had been taken seriously

let me lay here so slow (i need never grow old) | vaudelin | 10k | dean's birthday fic, outsider pov

Blessed Are Those Who Hunger | pollutedstar | 3k | dean & Food Issues fic

what's missing is found (our souls can exhale now) | sobsicles | 27k | obviously sobsicles is Not Underrated By Design but this does fit the criteria and is also special to me!! kaia and dean's interactions in this my beloved

the remembered earth | a_good_soldier | 12k | deals with the john's journal entry about dean's 17th birthday and has lines that i think about literally every day of my life ("took me a lifetime to grow it back") please read this one.

The Mask That Comes Undone | aeli_kindara | 11k | michael traps dean in his own memories, aka "so much trauma in dean's mind" "well, yeah"

In Through The Out Door | sometimeswelose | 37k | literally another fic about Unpacking All Of That re: dean's memories

looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) | courfeyrac | 20k | jack's fourth birthday build a bear fic to cut thru all of the angst on this list so far

what fun it all would be | 8sword | 20k | dean and cas find emma in purgatory. every single 8sword fic that involves emma is my absolute beloved but this is a good starting point <3

Occursus | PallasPerilus | 4k | this is heaven endgame compliant but it's such a minor part of it you can ignore it <3 i just really love the dean/cas dynamic here and their voices are very in character

Use Cinderblocks To Build A Stairway | pollutedstar | 3k | another ptsd Dean Studies fic i have literally never claimed to have a variety of interests

the lover's choice | watchriverdale | 44k | yes i made a fic rec post for this before but it makes me so happy <3 beloved finale fix it

a language i don't know, but long to learn | resident_longwinded_anon | 10k | genderfluid dean fic that is honestly closest i've seen to my personal headcanons And So it makes me really happy

Get Out In Times Of Declared Emergency | JayneL | 6k | castiel & post-lucifer vessel trauma with a claire & cas bit that i Treasure

canticles & Romantic Theory | 2street2car | 10k and 6k | these are going in 2-in-1 bc i read both last night and they are enmeshed in my brain. canticles is a ftbyam post-brothel fic where dean takes cas to dinner and dancing and is Super Repressed About All Of It <3, romantic theory is a REALLY cool retelling of lazarus rising where dean remembers being raised from hell and comes out of the grave already half in love and everyone around him is like "what the fuck."

Binary Stars | fourdaysofrain | 9k | cas possessing dean fic that lives in my brain

in this louisiana bar | fleeceframe | 8k | late seasons cas time travels to meet s1 dean… there's crying involved

Crossing Lines | sometimeswelose | 146k | i am super breaking my own rules with this one because it does have a lot of hits but it is my all time fav spn fic so i feel sick not including it. preseries dean gets transported into s15

they're all already on this list but i do generally blanket recommend everything i've read from aeli_kindara, a_good_soldier & pollutedstar… beloveds

[teabagboy]

Ayyooo thanks for the tag!

Zodiac sign: libra

Hogwarts house: everytime I take the tests I get slytherin but I think I'm just ravenclaw and depressed lol

Middle name: 👁👁

Mbti personality type: ENFJ-A but it was like 2 years ago and I have less empathy now so

Favorite movie: The Trueman Show (??)

Sexuality: pan or queer cuz I'm very confused I just know I like everyone or nobody so yeah

Five ships: ASANOYA, kiribaku, ymir/historia (snk), kamijiro also shinkami but it's the same ship ok, rei/nagisa (free)

Last book: fanfiction The Invention of Wings, but I also reread the Mazerunner series

Favorite singer: soo not a band? Then probably Djo or Dean (bands: My Chemical Romance or Cigarettes after sex)

Favorite album: Violent Things by the Brobecks

Tagging: @cementcinema @stygianirondiangelo @a-n-i

starting a new one bc the old one was getting kind of long!! thanks for the tag @little-league-coach-mako mwah mwah :)

zodiac sign: sagittarius hehe

hogwarts house: slytherin!

middle name: not applicable and/or not comfortable

mbti personality type: uHHhHH it always changes but last i checked ESTP-T

favorite movie: pride and prejudice (2005) or the phantom of the opera!

sexuality: ???? pan aro????? m a y b e????????????

five ships: wuko, kagehina, catradora, klance, and asanoya!

last book: i read a midsummer night’s dream does that count

favorite singer: all time low!

favorite album: selfish machines (2010) by pierce the veil

tagging: @tangerinefluff​ @eilime910​ and @kavinsgay​ if y’all are comfortable w doing it!! 

[bigmafluff]

Unreal Love Story “Henry Cavill” chapters 1-3

Sequel To My Story “Tom Hiddleston”

Summery

“ Tom Dear ! She is gone!” His mother says when her son barges thru her front door. Diana Hands a sobbing Charlie to His Stunned father Leading  them into the house to a computer sitting @ her kitchen table with a flash drive in it.    Just as Tom is about to say something . His Mom hush's them both and starts the video.   I start with calming Charlie through the computer.  “ Hello Little one . I'm am sorry I have to leave you so. But You are a strong young man . Sometimes even stronger than your father at times. Just know that I love you dear one and will always be your special friend . Now dry those tears and Go see Nanna . So Your dad and I can talk.” I said to Charlie thru the computer. Tom Knew after that our relationship was over maybe had been over for a while.

Chapter 1 

Numbness,& NASCAR

I couldn't Stay in London. It hurt too much all I saw was pain. I couldn't go home yet still felt like I failed myself some how so home wouldn't work. So I numbed myself out in Cali.   I did what I swore I wouldn't. I went full Party Girl. Between the parties ,clubs, Bars I was wasted most of the time.  But I knew that being In Love Like this before then Losing love has it's down side . Tom and I had been it for 3 years. But towards the end I was more His son's nanny than his girlfriend . Most of his friends warned me this was one sided . He never got over Sophia Di Marino ,Charlie's Mom. The split was Mutual. I'm Not mad to be truthful. Annoyed really that I let it go on this long ..

So California I went , to numb the hurt. I don't give a rat's ass what they say about better to have Loved crap ! It still hurt's dammit!  So Party Shannon I became. I still wrote my stories without impairment. By day I was the mildly hungover writer coffee in hand . Luca was still Daydreaming so I was still writing. But @ night Let's just say in the great words of Bill & Ted .” Party on Dudes” So I did. Shaking my ass Beer in hand in a club in south beach !  Rockin' out to Pink. I am vaguely aware I am Jamming with a rather large Englishmen Go Figure ! He has a familiar tone I can't place ,frankly all I see is curls ,beard & muscle , Cause I'm too drunk and don't care but he was hot and can grind Like no other. But even though I was no lady ,he was a gentleman And at the end of the night I was in my Hotel room clothes and dignity intact.

Woke the next morning with another hangover that I never use to get when I was younger. They still Suck! UGH! I'm about to start typing when I get a feed from TMZ. “TWH PROPOSES TO SDM!” I switch on my TV and sure enough The rock on her finger is massive and Charlie Looks so Happy .   The numbness lifts along with the pain . I can see the sun again so I finally pack my stuff .

But not for England . I head home. I decide I need time with my son . So Arkansas, Hot Springs that is.  Although when I get there I find out my son is in Florida . In Daytona Beach. At the Racetrack!  My nephew Christian and his wife Kiki took Lucas to a NASCAR race and Somehow Lucas Landed a job as head mechanic for Carlos Contreras's race team. Shocked as I was,  I get on a flight to Florida it is a good shocked but WOW.  I got a Hotel room and then went to the track . Took me a little convincing to get in  . Security walked me to the Pit where I found my baby boy covered in grease. Under a car . When Lucas jumped up and hugged me they left us alone . test moment's in a parent's life is seeing your child seceded at something he loves. This was Lucas's dream !Like writing is for me. It was his turn. Lucas Introduced me to Carlos with sparkles in his eyes . Carlos seemed to Like what My  Son does. Even tells me that Because of my Boy, Carlos has won 8 races. How more proud can I get I am in tears.  While I was here I went to a few races and Lucas and I raided the theme parks. Then one night Lucas had a grown up moment and told me I had to go back to the U.K.. He said I write my best stuff there and I need to make peace with Myself. How did my Autistic Son get so smart. Then he tells me. He is a big Guy now and He didn't need his Mom to hover.

Chapter 2

Something New

So once I'm back in London. I dust off My flat that Luke made sure I got despite me moving in with Tom. Besides writing, a few friend's gave me the intro to the London night life and I found a outlet to unwind . But I didn't drown myself like in Cali. But I still maintained my Party Mama status. Also I am exercising regularly, to compensate for the Night life . But I found that I have way's now that I am Back to make exercising fun. I do the Gym of course. But I also like rollerskating in Hyde or St. James park, when it's sunny. I found a Ice Skating rink that is 7 day's a week.  And there is a indoor pool at the Gym I go to. .

But I realized some things while I was home in the states. I can't ever forget where I came from . So I pay it forward to 4 special organizations for charity and I never write them off my taxes . I went back to church I actually found a Nazarene church in the U.K. Honestly Church is what keeps me semi sober in the clubs on Friday and Saturday. No hangovers in Gods house .So I have been busy. By maintaining the order of my life like I did way before when My soul purpose was being a MOM. God, Family Friends career is a new addition but not that high on the list.  

I found a way to keep myself going .My heart has even healed to a point and I am actually making good friends with “ The Hiddleston “ I can't even comprehend The fact that Sophia took Tom's name . I didn't think her agent's would let her do that. Any how I Am officially Aunty Shannon to Charlie and he even still talks to Lucas and they talk cars regularly according to Tom. As for right now though I'm actually doing more than writing I am at The Harold Pinter theater in London as a Producer and assistant to Kenneth Branaugh the director of a play Based on one of my fan fiction stories .  It's a Vampire Love story with a family twist.  No Not Twilight no blood sucking fairies here. But what has me excited is the cast . Tom is in it along a whole bunch of my fave idol's Including Henry Cavill as the male lead. . OK! I fibbed Kenny doesn't need me the whole time so I am writing when I am not teaching Charlie Who is acting for the first time. Tom is One Proud Papa! I will tell you what. And Charlie Looks like he is having a wonderful time despite playing a Girl demon!

also I do have a little Mystery of my own I am trying to solve. Every morning when I get to work. Yes I'm getting paid for this production. I go to my seat and drink my coffee but I find a different colored long stem lily in the seat . I asked Tom. If Charlie was doing it and I even ask Ken. None said It was them. Both even offered to investigate with me . Saying they have a little experience because they played P.I.'s

I was actually flattered I had an admirer. I just hope I won't regret taking the Lily more seriously. Anyway The play is gearing up for opening night I called Lucas's aide Reed to Se if He will be able to be in London for my Play . Which If it does well it will head to the States and go on Broadway.  Now tell me if that ain't totally awesome. I.K.R.  We as far as my Book's are concerned Luca start's Middle School. So Social interaction and puberty mixes in with his amazing world which should make for a wild ride for our readers. My honorary nephew is even reading them which make's my heart sing  Oh! So I don't leave it out my lily was Aquamarine and silk today not real but it had a pink bow and it sparkled . He-he! Who ever this is knows I like things that sparkle. It makes me giddy.

Opening Night!!!!

My Lucas is here . Looking Just Like he did Prom Night When he took my god daughter to the prom. My boy is So handsome. Lucas has been working out so My lucas is Tall and Jacked thanks to His Buddy Phillip Hull. We get to ride in a Limo It will be Lucas's first time in one. Me! I'm In all Red  Long red hair with a touch of gray at the temple and proud of it. A Long Jessica rabbit dress that sparkles in the light. Red flat's I ain't that crazy . It's gonna be a long night and I am in my 50's   Heels are not in the program. I had red cloves and a red silk Shaw. I felt amazing and all my boy could say is Wow mama Look Pretty! LOL! I am also excited not only for the play but according to the Little note I got with My Red Rose that was sitting in my seat on the last day of practice. I get to meet my admirer tonight too

So Lucas and I are off Lucas is Like a school boy Looking around and he is also a little nervous. I can tell he Keeps Playing with his collar and tie. I made sure Luke had a pair of ear buds and his fave music in a MP3. And sunglasses to help with Lucas's experience. Plus so he doesn't have to deal with the red carpet stuff Reed is here so Lucas will be with me only for a few pictures then Reed  will take him inside while I deal with the popularity this sold out play has caused . New York here we come!!!!!!

  Lucas went inside as planned. And Luke is by my side in his place as my escort. Luke felt I shouldn't be alone. Because of the split and Tom's marriage. Even though Tom and I are cool talking about and he is even here with Taylor so I'm cool. I was having lot's of fun taking little interview's and pictures and such. Luke always said I was surprisingly  easy going in the lime light and it shows tonight. `Sophia , Ken and I had some fun with the photo people and Kissed Each side of Tom's cheeks while he was trying to pic up Kenneth, then we Bent down to Kiss Ken's cheeks when Tom dropped him on his butt ,our booties where purposely in the air.  Let's Just say we made Kenny's night! I was all in good fun  Tom told me that Charlie was inside with new Hot wheels car's to show Lucas cause they are NASCAR ones.

Finishing up the pictures and fixing to go inside I was about to give up hope on there being an admirer. When I went to take one last. Picture, Henry Cavill came to Join me in the picture and whispered in my ear to Look down, as he grabbed my waist for the picture . I did. And their was a pink Lily and a white rose in his hand tied in a pink bow. Let's Just say that pic had my mouth hanging open and Henry laughing as we went in to the theater.  Let the new dance begin.

Lois Lane never Got Superman this way Ha! 

Chapter 3

Don't jump! One moment @ a Time.

As far as the play went it was as major success. I couldn't pay attention at all . I was staring at Henry the whole time In awe of all of this.As far as I was concerned it was like I had never tasted this before . I won't lie, it scares the shit out of me .  I was a ball of nerves the whole play . It was Thomas all over again. @ least that was what I thought. Until Henry asked if I would sign a book for is Nephews Daughter who has Down syndrome. I was politely surprised . He then introduced himself to my Son. Which Lucas can recognize any actor who has ever played a Superhero or villain . Henry was one of our faves. He asked if we wanted to grab a bite to eat . Lucas always could eat. Even in his 30's endless Belly! Can you see 3 adult's in fancy dress in Mc. Donald's. I Loved it Because Henry took the liberty to date Lucas first. To me that Mc. Donald's was 5 stars. The Limo dropped 2 very full and sleepy men at My son's Hotel.  I was sparkling in happiness. We pulled up in front of my flat but Henry wouldn't let me out yet. I think he wants to talk . So naturally I listened. 

fore I could even say anything He Quieted me and held my hand .  Baby Blues connected. Then he spoke. “ Shannon I know what you went through with Hiddleston. I grilled him after meeting you . Actually I'm kinda surprised he didn't rat me out. Story for another time. Now that you understand my intent. I want time. Time to know you. Also before you get nervous, will it help If I got permission from Lucas to date you and Charlie Hiddleston second's the permission. I'm normally a prideful Man But Shannon something inside Tell's me I am supposed to started something new with You. I want get to know you Date you proper. If anything let's see where it goes. Even if we don't connect more personally . We can at least catch a grind to a tune and groove like buddies”.

My breath hitch because I just realize that dude I was grinding with in California at that club. The English Dude. That was Henry!!!!! He notices my blush and Shakes his head showing me the bracelet. I smack his shoulder Laughing my Blush off. Then I told him I am willing to try and if all else fails Partying in New York won't get boring . Then he kissed my Palm and let me out . I gave him my # and told him to give me a call when he was ready to try. The Limo waited till I was Inside. But instead of Leaving The door opened and Henry came running up to me . Grabbed my waist, pulled me close and Kissed me.  We exploded!!!!

Hand in Hand at JFK airport Henry and I go straight to the Hotel .  No Not for that .  We came early so Henry  could as he says Court me proper. LOL!   There is nothing I'd rather do the then run all over NYC for the first time with Henry. I have jumped in fully no comparing to any other love . This is true Eros and I'm going with the flow. That was our agreement for each  other  the next morning after the Play. To Just Love & enjoy till the fluffy lady quits singing.

I exploded because of SuperMan!

{None of this story is real the pic are from Googles images !!!!!!!!!!!!}

[thecrenellations]

Return of the Thief Notes, Part Two: The Book of Pheris, Volume 2, Chapters 1-5

Notes from my first read, October 2020. (Part One | Part Three | TaT)

Contents: Me losing my mind in multiple ways each chapter, helpful links, nighttime garden cousins, an Irene pun, notes from my second read, “mwt is just like going for it,” and “this is so fucked up and heartwarming.”

Format: Page number. My thoughts (Context?)

Volume 2

Illustration

Book 2 bro

Now we’re caught up and changed forever by lots of things

What printer’s apprentice made this?

Elephants!

Chapter 1

175. me too, Costis, me too. I am so tired. (it’s hard to sleep when your brain and heart and everything are fizzing because you’re reading Return of the Thief for the first time and a new Queen’s Thief book for the last time) 

176. Klimun + Gerosthenes vibes [moon doodle]

Holes in documents. That’s cute

Gen!!! <3

Wtf Ansel was hoodwinked!

177. The Queen waited

They’re ridiculous

Hi Pheris

Wtf he stole her earrings for Melheret?!?

178. Excuse me??? What is this book (sleeveless leather tunic)

He still roams!!!

Tattoos!

179. a sentence I never fucking expected to read ever “The absence of tattoos…”

180. that’s interesting

Stacked like kindling wow oh dear

181. She wants him to move in lol

Lol sorry Ion

Did she just want them to leave the room?

182. I can’t with this… I can’t. Why is sex symbol Relius canon. (the play that featured him! It’s great, it’s great, it was just a lot to take in!)

Silver crown?

183. Cleon! Rude!

Did they call Costis to deck him?

Queen scene!! <3

184. This is an epic. Abt Costis. Dirty stranger

185. he’s “the high king”

Lol

187. prophet (Pheris sure makes Costis sound like one)

Shut up Piloxides

188. resources for war! (book launch foreshadowing part two! She talked a lot about this kind of thing as well, and recommended the book Alexander the Great and the Logistics of the Macedonian Army)

189. “we”

What were you gonna say (Gen almost says something to Costis part one)

193. RIP The Magus Archives … it was not to be. Yet.

194. Melenze’s doorstep. Why? Bc Melenze is Ferria’s dog. (idk dude that line from ACoK has just never left me)

195. This is … a big war

196. Oh gen

Nighttime garden cousins.

Chapter 2

197. wtf did Relius think of that play

Also … not a peep from the sacred mountain huh

198. wtf will happen with Cleon

with Erondites

with THE MOUNTAIN

a lot going on

everyone was in that room but Kamet! So close!

199. Cute Fordad + Gen friendship (I never said these notes would make me look smart)

Same 2 T + R! :) It’s not them is it? (I NEVER SAID THESE NOTES WOULD MAKE ME LOOK SMART)

Poor Teleus

200. gdi Gen

Excuse me? Is he worried for Pheris??? (taking his tablet)

They trust each other! C’mon!

Sure he has reasons

202. oh dear. :( that’s … the worst cover story

Also falling

203. wow almost like a story huh

Ula’s altar :(

Why haven’t we had a Gen and Costis scene IN THREE BOOKS

205. I just … I don’t know if he’s just miserable or if it’s all a plan. I feel like I should know it’s all a plan. But he really feels like he has far to go. He’s just a mess and the same and so different. (having a small Gen meltdown)

205. he did give him the gun

Odd that he missed Quedue

206. he’s gonna bite them (buckle up! it’s abdication time!)

207. Power. Power. Power. Power.

Thx 4 the editorializing Pheris

208. Gen is making choices. That’s a choice.

209. There’s KoA down the drain

Aaaand he’s Eugenides

“Eugenides stared into the future”

The page of like 3 different tumblr posts: Trophy husband, Library, No! yes!

210. make sure he doesn’t leave lol

211. Pheris :(

Also fucked up timing for Irene

I love them

212. again with the birthday book

He’s still the king in the narration

Go on the roof! So close!

213. EUGENIDES IS ALWAYS APPROPRIATE my motto

Viper! Bastard!

Oh shit. I love them.

214. “our treaty” “our queen”

AAAH! Wedding night!

Asked her to leave!

Smash Erondites and peace out, literally

215. a frank talk

HE SAID IT.

216. The Bructs?

Wait is this his grandfather (taking a moment to remember all about Susa)

Also that’s Costis territory

217. who is this lion

218. #3 to Gen.

219. hmmm ring

There’s been a lot to unpack wow.

Did this happen, Pheris? Pheris?! 

220. Atté atté!

(Dear reader: for some strange reason, I completely forgot about taking notes on the final pages of this chapter. These notes are from when I reread those pages a few minutes later.)

Erondites full cup to brimming

The Pherises…

We must think of others before ourselves … occasionally

I do not like Orutus

Don’t fence Costis in! Does this count as prison? No (I had a square on my bingo board for “someone ends up in prison” ... but it turned out to be for someone else)

221. damn Costis

Aaah

Costis …

Irene… your jokes (I mean, it’s a joke, but also it is very real for her.)

SHE SAID IT!

My heart

222. where is Relius going?

SPYING

What you see and what you think it means (I love these instructions/this quote so much)

So are Susa + Erondites 2gether or what (listen ... proximity generates meaning in these books)

Also, like

What can

I say

WHAT CAN I SAY (Hell yeah! Never more glad to be wrong about the magus)

[page long list of doubles and parallels - from Cleons and Pherises and Ions to god-character and character-character connections]

Also the fact that in KoA and TaT Relius was like … oh … no … I just live a gentle life being friends with my king and queen and being scholarly. But no. He’s SPYING and TRAVELING MYSTERIOUSLY and has MANY LOVERS and also has been WITH TELEUS ALL ALONG and there is a PLAY written about him and he has a ~messenger~ network and PLAYS THE FLUTE and DOESN’T MAKE HIS BED and DISLIKES MATH and oh and he’s VERY HANDSOME! (Yes I was losing it, I hope my note from after the poem helps show some of the feelings behind this rant.)

Fucking … Wine shop. Should have known.

Chapter 3

224. ominous

Hello magus!

Sophos … babe (his impatience!)

225. Magus … cool your socks that’s your bff (he’s just describing Helen’s dead body! Fun!!!!)

In the van

That was good I love them

Why is it Couples Hour?

226. finally we’re out of the capital of Attolia

Ok they’re so cute

She was NEVER Helen in ACoK narration! 

Also – Pheris. This is all Pheris. (Pheris plus information others told him!)

227. Bringing each other up to date – that’s their thing. Talking forever

All this talk of shooting Therespides

228. EX FUCKING SCUSE ME (time to learn a lot about the country of Eddis)

He was 15! (or almost 15)

He didn’t know! Or did he!

The MoW!

All thru Pheris

Fuck you magus

When did he know

229. EXCUSE ME

The emeralds?

Assumed the worst?

That classic quote about little to do with winter but with “seducing other people’s lovers”

230. yeah Sophos that’s a lost cause (“spare me my blushes”)

Also she didn’t answer you

What are they laughing about (the generally nameless men we’re learning many things about this chapter)

233. Gen I think it’s fair to say that was a mistake

234. wtf Gen

GEN! he just. Had those. (the jewels!)

Her crown

I cannot

235. Gen!

237. Crash

Her CHANGES

238. THESE TWO

239. called annux

Yeah it’s like … a family meeting (the war council)

Bring your father to work day

241. Oh no.

Stenides! Boagus!!!!!!!

EDDIS!

Wolves! Lol

mwt is just like going for it

243. aww

Eddis > Boagus > Gen

244. Yeah I’m with her on this. (“if that doesn’t frighten you, it should”)

Chapter 4

245. Gen and Magus scene yes!

Two people affected by his long hair (Gen and the magus? I think?)

Pheris are you there?

Gen … you used to wish yourself out of existence

Wow

Hair vanity

Yeah also battlefield

Ion is a darling tbh

248. Is he. Is he going to fight all of them

Also they are all his cousins huh

AULUS! I liked you!

Same, Hilarion

Taking a page out of Costis’s book?

You have definitely seen it before. (I mistook his lie for truth!)

Will Costis hear about this? (please)

249. #4 to Gen!

Pheris where are you

Why doesn’t the Continent want to conquer them (do I get partial credit for this)

A tattoo!

250. “Do not offend the gods”

Honestly … too bad Helen DIDN’T do this

251. he said he’d give all he had

I’m sure there are rules

253. Just men? :( (let everybody fight him!)

Ornon is back! I mean, of course he is

Also yea they practice

HELLO ORNON

A house being built … or one knocked down. Nice

Is Teleus in on this?

254. Pheris called him my king!

255. I wanna know which guards though

:( he’d been faking

Kicked him in the head (ouch)

256. “when he fell”

I … don’t like this

He never gives up. The thieves don’t have limits. They have flash points.

Stepped on his hand

“Enough Gen” – what Irene said?

257. :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

The magus. I forgot he was there.

The magus said … nevermind …

The magus is probs very into this as a cultural thing. Also he was talking to the MoW

Pigeon. The sky. :( Like in TT (OH BOY, THE SKYYYY)

If there was a god, Pheris would see…

258. They’ve, they’ve been through a lot.

Oh god what’s next

259. I … no. not in his arms to the palace.

The palace where….

The stairs…

They are all 3 lookers. Basilisks and brass and lead

I hate this. But I love this.

I will someday see this differently.

Ah yes… the grunt. Approval.

260. Honestly, this is so fucked up and heartwarming. These books.

Lol don’t defend Hilarion, we know him

Eddis visits him.

Attolia watches him.

261.WTF Gen. I knew it. Why.

Crying or laughing? Crying? :(

How does this not undermine her now that he is her king?

But … what he wouldn’t do for her.

262. “he did fine”

This book is like… Reasons Gen Says Sorry

So, so… - Helen

GEN!

263. I am right. I am always right. It’s a curse.

Helen :( :( :(

The amount of times these people have seen him beaten.

He’s like … self destructive, but in a way that gives himself more power. Which he hates.

Gen, let them in. Let them in.

Chapter 5

264. honeycomb

OH NO. is it happening?

266. I’m just supposed to accept this?!! What does it mean?!

267. … a my king moment … important

But like … now can he fight?

Caryatid? [doodle after I looked it up]

268. Teleus!

C’mon Teleus. Everyone you love or respect loves him!

Honestly Pheris and Teleus … not a duo I expected

THESE TWO ARE SO DEDICATED TO TELLING HIM THAT! Ok I should chill. At least he said “may.” These are like … Pheris’s life lessons.

Honestly… I love that Teleus likes poetry, or at least likes it for Relius.

269. Lol Legarus. It’s been years! I mean, I guess that was a big deal for him… (almost being executed is a big deal for most people.)

Does he not love Gen because of Relius? Because Gen manipulated him? Because he keeps sending away his successor? Why on earth not! Hop on that train! (...)

It’s interesting that their relationship is the one that touches Pheris, not Gen and Irene. Hm.

Also … “Idiot.” The parallels.

“relatively gently” (it’s so good)

~Teleus here to talk about love~

This book is full of surprises.

270. That is NOT the bright side, Gen (“I could use my newfound authority to insist on going into battle”)

271. BUNNY! Wtf is a wineglass warrior

Very cute everyone, good job.

Still sad about Helen’s tears.

271. Gen. Don’t say these things. [volcano doodle]

272. SEE I was worried about this! The doubt!

I am not ok

This is TOO MANY Eddisian Revelations (Lader time)

Yeah. Wow.

273. Cleon x5

I … his grandfather

No.

Baby Helen begging

How did Pheris get this scene

Gen chose Cleon for his plan

275. IRENE WITH THE STATS!

276. lol Gen

My brother Sounis!

277. Missing Relius club.

Where is he though

Yes! Sophos Gen food fight!

Grapes!

“Wisdom”

He’s “the king” here and in KoA bc that’s the story but also that’s who he is to Pheris and Costis

278. So how did that Irene and MoW meeting go anyway?

How does Aulus know???

Thief short story! Probably terrible to reread, oh no

279. Are … are Aulus and Boagus together???! (“his slightly smaller partner”)

This feels … potentially traumatic … but fun? Idk

Fleece

280. This dang book. No rules!

The chandelier! So dramatic!

Mwt had … a lot to put into this one. A lot. A lot.

283. “not the Thief he was chasing”

284. The queens! The salute!

He can’t give this up.

Official Worries:

100,000 soldiers heading towards Kamet

Re: Lyopidus, Gen called Sophos his brother. Helen apparently might BE his sister. Temenus and Stenides are also going to a war where 9/10 will probably die.

Also

the MoW could have been a king if he’d stolen Helen’s throne. A lot there.

why does this book have the vibe of the library post, my comic from 2010, the king and queen interactions here, and the military tactics dream

[hazysolstice]

                    HELLOOOOOOOOO ! who else is ready to get this party STARTED BECAUSE IIIIIII AM ! i’m gonna try to make this whole widdol intro post as sweet and short as possible but that won’t happen anyway because a girl likes to ramble. LKMDKFLSF anyway i’m tea :D i live in sunny california so psters make some noise... LSDKFMKSMFMKLMD also i'm really excited to be meeting all of u and getting to be in this group ! so without further ADIEU.... let me introduce u to my Hot Mess of a son nino 8) AND HERE’S JUST A LIGHT TW FOR EMOTIONAL ABUSE !!!!!! but its brief and explained in not very detailed ways in case this made u afraid to read. thank u. i love u. stay safe

♡  ◟ °  ›   kim taehyung, cismale, he/him, twenty-three   ⋯   ❛   thank you for applying to TIDAL WAVE, NINO KANG ! before we start this job interview, i would just like to go over a few questions. you said your best attribute was COMPOSURE, right ? well, word around town is that some people find you to be a bit more DECEPTIVE … but, nevermind that. i’m actually more curious about whether you were actually caught AS THE PERSON WHO LEFT ALL TWENTY-EIGHT THOUSAND REVIEWS COMPLAINING ABOUT FROZEN 2 last year ? oh, you were ? that’s unfortunate. on the bright side, i heard that you excel at PLAYING COMPETITIVE TENNIS …. so that’s cool ! now, one more question … your last manager said that you’re hiding THAT YOU SLEPT WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND'S SIBLING AS REVENGE FOR THEM ALWAYS TAKING THE AUX CORD, is that true ? — haha , just kidding ! they didn’t say that, i just read that about you online . anyway , you got the job ! ❜ 】 tea, pst, she/her.

OKAY SO! WE WILL BEGIN WITH THE #ORIGIN_STORY! nino grew up in a Home. LSMDFKSLMFSLKDFMK his dad never really said anything to him but his MOM....she was what u would call a helicopter parent. she was always overly invested in nino’s academics and what she thought he should be doing with his life. she just completely rejected his own interests in favor of her own so he grew kinda accustomed to that and lying in order to protect himself from being on the receiving end of more disappointment + disapproval 

if he was out with friends on a monday night she would literally blast his phone with calls. u can imagine what growing up in that kind of environment was like.... the only thing that really kept him holding on was TENNIS which he’s been playing ever since he was first able to. even though his mom tried to shut down his tennis groups (she despised him playing sports instead of focusing on his academics and would just complain to administration CONSTANTLY ABOUT THE TENNIS CLUBS HE WAS IN), it was just something he couldn’t give up and that his tennis friends WOULDN’T let him give up. and thank god he didn’t because it’s like the only thing he genuinely enjoys nowadays. LKMSDLFMSFSF

ANYWAY his parents divorced when he was in middle school and he ended up moving to stone harbor with his mother. his dad was forreal like peace out...x goodbye......x good luck...x and that’s how he ended up here. but he still speaks to his dad every once in awhile and he likes visiting him even though his mom berates him for it later. HE BASICALLY JSUT HAS A DECENT RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS DAD THATS IT THATS THE BULLET POINT 

he hates new jersey. he hates the cold. there’s a reason he complained about frozen 2 28 thousand times on yelp. LKSDMFSLMFSDFMKSDFKMSDF and THAT’S also the reason why he despises working at tidal wave this time of the year....he don’t know jack about winter sports x someone gonna come ask him about the best ice skates and he’s just gonna walk away. no words spoken. LSMDFKLSDMFSKDF 

although...to bring in his Childhood Trauma.... because of the environment he grew up in he became a DUN DUN DUN....... pathological liar. SDLKFMDSLKFMDLSF 

essentially for nino this means he lies so in some way there’s benefits or protection offered to him. typically this benefit is people liking him. LSKDMFLSKMDFKS HE’S LITERALLY 20 DIFFERENT PEOPLE AT ONCE BECAUSE HE KEEPS CHANGING HIS PERSONALITY TO FIT WHAT HE THINKS CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS WOULD LIKE. if someone’s like “wow haha i wanna get soooooo high right now” nino would be like wow yeah i love smoking :) when he’s got asthma and it makes him choke. he just does this unconsciously too. AND he makes up a lot of grandiose and detailed stories to support his lies and make them seem more authentic than they actually are and he does this SO well.

he’s surprisingly charming and i think that’s because he’s become a master at being the person people want him to be so he just be Socializing like it’s nobody’s business.

some of his lies become reality to him so half the time he can’t discern between a lie and his own truth. he will seriously tell u that his uncle is steven yeun and then when u accuse him of lying he'll get offended about it. LKSMDFLSDFMKDSMFKMF maybe he won’t get exactly offended with the steven yeun example but say..... for example...... u accuse him of not cleaning the bathroom when he said he did (even though he really Didn’t) he’ll get irritable because he Believes he did. it jsut be like that. 

literally doesn’t feel comfortable with his authentic personality now because its been rejected ever since he was a child :pleading_emoji: i think he’s working on it. i think bits and pieces of his true personality shine thru sometimes... sniffles.... namely his sarcasm and smartassness and pettiness... LSDKFLSMFSF

I THINK I’VE COVERED MOSTLY EVERYTHING SO I’M GONNA END THIS POST HERE !  i have some wanted connections listed here although there aren’t that many plots listed because i know more interesting ones are gonna come up once i get the brainstorming juices going while reading everyone else’s info about their muses. LKSMDLSFMLSDFMSKDFM if u wanna plot u can just like this post and i’ll come to u :3 maybe we can share discords or just plot thru ims WHATEVER WORKS !  anyway thank u for reading this hot mess of an intro i am So Excited to rp with all of u :pleading_emoji: 

[swordbreakerz]

✨ for all of them, 🎥 for treasure planet and guardians of gahoole, 🍀 for 9-1-1 and penumbra, 📃 for unicorn chronicles, 🏳️‍🌈 for howls, treasure planet and legend of zelda, and 💎 for any ones you have facts for lol

you spoil me uwu

🎥 - ok for treasure planet, gotta be the 12 years later scene in the beginning and the zoom in to the spaceport, the way it transitions from jim reading under the blankets to him flying on his solar surfer is so chefs kiss, and just like. everything about to the spaceport lmao, fr guardians definitely the scene where soren flies through the fire and then blows up the pulley system to get rid of the flecks energy, bro when hes flying above it all holding the lantern before he dives down to save them? chills

🍀 - you know im on that projection shit w/ juno steel, ive truly never like connected with a character like that before and he’s really really helped me thru my recovery and transition lol, fr 911 uhhh ig buck or eddie? i havent Thought About It or like consumed it enough times yet to rly settle on someone but fr now,,, they

🏳️‍🌈 - ok for howls, Everyone Is Bi/Pan, howl is trans and autistic and i will die on that hill, fr treasure planet jim and cpt amelia are both trans and both of them + doppler are autistic, fr loz link is trans, autistic and semi nonverbal and communicates primarily with asl, post twilight princess zelda says fuck it and finds a way back into the twilight realm and she midna and link hang out, most of these boil down to everyone i love is trans gay and autistic because i say so lmaooo

📃 - OK SO. without like, spoiling too many plot points, our main character is cara and she lives with her grandmother. her mom is dead and dad is out of the picture. one day theyre getting chased by these people that her grandma knows and cara gets thrown into an alternate realm full of fantasy creatures using her grandmothers amulet. she meets a unicorn named lightfoot and a bunch of other rad people and basically, starts a journey to save that world from the Hunters. the Hunters are an organisation who specifically hate unicorns and want them all dead, led by Beloved, and cara and her friends have to try and stop them from entering the world and wiping them out. its sooo so so good and i highly recommend it cause i have no one to talk to about it please god

✨ - oh boy uh, well. im just gonna like list them out lmao

unicorn chronicles: i loved unicorns as a kid and read it when i was in elementary school, and over the years its remained just as compelling and well written as i remember and like. god the whole concept is so godamn cool and all the subplots that get introduced are fuckign fantastic and like all the different creatures are amazing i literally cant sing its praises enough

howls moving castle: must i have a logical reason? is it not to vicariously live my fantasy of running away to the countryside with a wizard boyfriend, his demon and his apprentice?? for real though, its such a fantastic story with beautiful visuals in the movie and wonderfully compelling prose in the book, and esp in the movie the whole time travel subplot with sophie seeing howl and calcifer in the past and then howl finding her in the future makes me go feral

penumbra: gays in space. need i say more? im a huge slut for gay found family and especially in futuristic space, and im a huge big fan of the lgbt utopia its created. like yeah capitalism sucks but at least im not gonne get misgendered in space starbucks, u kno? all the writing and dialogue is so incredible and the SOUND DESIGN GOD, alex i know u specifically can relate when i say i would kill a man for sophie and her incredible sound design skills, like dude the dance scene in man in glass p2 you can hear every single individual step they take and every swish of junos dress and i jusT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god its so good, plus the whole the characters help me work through my trauma and repressed anger haha

911: this one is entirely your fault. so obligatory horny on main everyone on that show is so hot i want oliver stark to cradle me gently in his beefy arms oh my god. other than Men, the way it drives home the whole ‘you can’t save everyone, and it will kill you to try, so just focus on what you can do and keep living’ makes me so emo. the way it tackles big bureaucratic issues as well as closer to home interpersonal ones is amazing and i love how it shows people going through and dealing realistically with trauma.

treasure planet: again, who doesnt want to live in Cool Steampunk Space Travel Future? i really really love jims story and his arc, the way he deals with his trauma is uhh very familiar lol and his relationship with silver is like the ideal. the story is just the coolest concept and i love all the wonderful character design and animation, plus the soundtrack SLAPS and everything is beautiful

legend of zelda: ive been associated with this series from a very young age due to my name and as soon as i gave into my fate and looked it up for real i just kinda fell into it lol. i cant really tell you exactly what draws me to it besides ‘wow fun game!’ and ‘god i wish that were me,’ but like the absurd amount of detail thats put into each installment and the creative ways they retell essentially the same/similar story over and over is incredible

guardians of gahoole: so i had the same experience with this and treasure planet which is i remembered ‘oh hey this is a movie that exists and i cant clearly remember watching it, ill look it up :)’ and then it consumed my life for a solid 3 months. firstly this movie is absolutely gorgeous, the animation and framing is fucking stunning and the way they handled owls talking like people as far as the movement of their very inflexible beaks was amazing. it sort of has the same draw for me as warrior cats? secret animal society ft incredibly traumatic experiences and the characters dealing with it. like, the whole concept is just so fuckign wild and it works so well, i rly enjoy this niche genre.

💎 - alright trivia time, so guardians of gahoole is based on a book series and the movie only covers part of the first arc i think idk, BUT theres another series set in the same universe called wolves of the beyond that i devoured when i was younger! i didnt know they were connected for the longest time and when i found out i was :000, i still rly love wolves of the beyond and wanna reread it, as well as read the actual gahoole books. in the howls books, sophie is a redhead! also, markl is named michael and like a fully functioning young adult who ends up marrying one of sophies sisters. treasure planet is, obviously, based off treasure island but its so much better than the book dont bother reading it lol i tried and it was boring. there was plans for a treasure planet sequel that was fully scripted and cast but it was cancelled cause disney sabotaged treasure planet from the start with the shitty release and advertising and tldr we were ROBBED, also amelias concept was much more octopus like and while that wldve been rad im p glad she was switched to a cat for. several reasons lol. uhh i dont have a lot of Fun Facts abt the unicorn chronicles but for the longest time i thought there were only 3 books and then last year i found the fourth book by chance in a kitsch store and nearly had a breakdown i was so happy, like full on i started shaking and crying cause there was so much joy in my body i cldnt contain it.

thats all i can think of tysm ily, to anyone who read all of this bless u please watch guardians of gahoole and read the unicorn chronicles i will love u forever

[sunsetswurve]

Overcome / Numb (G.D) part 1

"Woah, hey, please stop working yourself up. Breathe. No like really, deep breath in. Hold it. Now let it out slow. Okay. Good. That's really good. Tell me what you're thinking, Sky, please. Don't keep whatever it is you're feeling in. Please?" Grayson was sitting across from me, hands on my shoulders.

Skylar Martins has been going through a lot, mentally and emotionally. She’s lost in her own head. Everything is getting worse for her and she feels like she’s all alone, even when people are asking her if she’s okay. Feeling like a burden and a problem, she’s set on her life being like this from now on because there is no way out for her. That is until an old friend pops back into her life, seeing through her lies and getting her to see there’s more to life than what she’s doing. 

A/N: Sooooo I’ve been going thru some rough stuff and this is the first time in a while I’ve written something. It’s been even longer since I posted any writing on the internet. Depression and anxiety are talked about. Suicidal thoughts are mentioned so trigger warning for that. Also, I’m not sure if this is going to be a friend!Grayson or like a relationship. heck I’ve always been bad at continuing stories so who even knows how far this will go. All depression and anxiety writing is from my own experience, I’m not trying to romanticize it or anything and i’m definitely not trying to make it that Grayson “cures” the main character. Let me know what you think, just please go easy on me <3

"Skylar, are you getting out of bed today? Don't you have work?" My mother asked from my doorway.

"Called out." I mumbled under my covers.

"You okay?" she asked, concern filling her voice.

"Yeah, I'm just tired and have a migraine."

"How are you tired? you've been in bed for the past 3 days. AND you've called out one day each week for the last month just to stay in your room. Do you even have sick time anymore?"

"Yes mom. Dont worry, I have enough hours. I just need to rest."

"Okay, we'll see when you lose your job for missing too much work. This isnt working Skylar. What’s going on?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." Lies. Truth was my depression was the worst it's ever been. I haven't had any energy to do anything.

"Have you been taking your pills?"

"Yes." Lies. I don't care to anymore. It's ridiculous that I have to depend on stupid pills to be a normal human. If this is who I'm supposed to be. What’s the point.

"Bullshit." She rolled her eyes and slammed my door. I heard her go down the stairs and the front door slammed shut also. Nice. Very mature, mother. See, I'm so miserable and annoying my mother doesn't even care anymore. Just leaves me here to rot. I sighed and rolled over, looking at my phone. It was 2 in the afternoon. This is what my life has come to at 23 years old. Alone. Stuck in my room.

I used to try. I used to have energy to try and fight this. But recently its gotten harder and harder to get out of bed. I can see everyone's worried looks and heads shaking with disapproval, but its like there's this wall between what I know I should do to help this and myself. I'm stuck in this cloud of self doubt, self hatred. I hate that I'm like this. I see myself getting worse and yet I just can't put myself out there to say anything to anyone or express what I'm feeling.

To be honest, I'm not even sure what I'm feeling. Numb, mostly. I'm just sick of being alone. I've always felt like I'm the third wheel in all situations. Always in a group of three friends, but the other two were closer and there was me. I've always been a shy person but after high school and stuff I went through in my first year of college, it got worse. I get nervous meeting new people, but I'm also nervous talking to people I haven't seen in awhile. I mean yeah, I have my family and even though I was that third person with friends, I still had friends. I'm also so close to my family. My cousin's been one of my best friends since I was born. But she's gotten pretty serious with her girlfriend so I'm pushed to the side once again. Not to mention they're talking about moving to the other side of the country. It's just gonna get worse.

I sound so selfish. But these are the thoughts that run through my head constantly throughout the day. Its all consuming. I'm alone. I'm alone. I'm alone.

With everyone in the house gone, I go downstairs and grab some cookies in the cabinet and sit in front of the tv. I'll be here for the next few hours until my parents and/or brother come home and then I'll head back upstairs. This is how it's been, avoiding everyone and eating junk to try and make myself feel less numb than I have been. I was switching on netflix when my phone buzzed.

"Hey Skylar, haven't talked to you in awhile. how have you been?" It was a text from Grayson. One of those friends I haven't talked to and don't freaking know how to talk to anymore because I'm a mess. I re-read the message a few times and wonder what I should respond with.

oh ya know, just wondering if I'll finally grow the balls to end my life or keep living in the hell I've created for myself. Oh yeah, that'll  go down swimmingly.

"Hey, I've been fine, just working. How are you?"

"Oh are you working today? Could use a hair cut haha ;)" people only talk to you when they need something from you, they don't really care about how you're doing, silly.

"I'm actually off today, Gray." I turned back to the television, desperately trying not to dwell on the thought that he only wants to know what I'm doing just so I can do his hair. I understand with being a hairstylist that people want me to do their hair but its like. Even the people I see constantly do this, they see my behavior has changed, I'm not the happy person I was before. They've asked me how I'm doing -- at the most inopportune times, mind you. But if you think there is something really wrong, you shouldn't want to ask me while you're on hold with our supervisor, this conversation WILL end up with me sobbing and I really really don't think you're ready for it, Margaret so of COURSE I'm going to say I'm fine. A few minutes later, my phone lets out another buzz.

"Do you want to hang out?" That's different. No one's asked me that recently. Not that I'm the best person to hang out with right now, with the buzzkill I've become. I don't answer. Let's add "flaky" to the long list of flaws I've developed over the passed couple of months. Sometimes it's just easier to act like nothings happening. I turn over on the couch and fall asleep.

..only to be woken up 20 minutes later to the doorbell ringing

The hell? We live on a secluded dead end, no one ever comes here unless its planned, like ever. I open the door to reveal Grayson Dolan on my doorstep with a small grin on his face.

"Gray, what are you doing here?" I ask opening the door more for him to step inside.

"When you didn't answer my text, I figured you fell asleep because you've always loved your naps" he chuckled, since he could tell from the look of confusion on my face that is exactly what happened.

"ohhh" I'm not sure what else to say, honestly. I told you I haven't been the best with conversations lately.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asks, taking in my disheveled appearance and greasy looking hair. Greasy looking because I haven't showered in days. Ya know, the things that happen with depression the internet and media don't tell you about when they're glorifying it for their aesthetic.

"Uhhh yeah. I haven't washed my hair in a few days. Look Gray I don't think--"

"No Skylar, really, are you okay? I was scrolling through twitter, saw one of your tweets and it's concerning."

"oh uh.. it's nothing, its just shit that comes to mind at night when I can't sleep." I say, hoping he doesn't press anymore. When I feel really low and don't know what to do, I let it out on twitter, no ones ever said anything before about it so I thought it didn't matter or they didn't care or whatever. It's been like this for years, so this really caught me off guard.

"Are you sure?" no.

"Yes." He gave me a look that definitely said he wasn't convinced, but shrugged anyway.

"Okay, so what are we watching?"

"Oh um, I'm catching up on Supernatural."

"Nice!"

"Gray do you even watch Supernatural?"

"No, but if you're watching it, I'll watch it with you. I wanna hang out and you're not busy. I miss you, so let's go! press play already." I gave him a weird look, this is different. Usually Grayson is really busy between doing stuff with Ethan and/or filming.

"What's going on? Where's Ethan? You two are inseparable."

"He's doing some stuff today. Tattoo and other errands. He'll be gone until tonight."

ahh, so he's just here because Ethan is busy and has nothing better to do

"What was that?"

"What do you mean?"

"You just got this disappointed and annoyed look on your face. What are you thinking, Sky?"

"It's nothing."

"Listen, I know we haven't talked in months but this is not the Skylar I've known for years and I know you're not okay no matter what you're saying behind that fake smile. I'm not going to push it. You don't have tell me right now. But I'm here for you, even if we just sit and watch TV, okay?" My jaw dropped a little, I was not expecting this. Especially since we haven't talked in a while. But Gray has always been able to sense when I'm feeling off. So I'm not too surprised. But to still want to hang around me even if I don't want to talk, like damn, that's so sick of him.

"Thanks G." I say, smiling slightly and lean into his shoulder, a small gesture to show my appreciation. We focused in on the tv and got lost in it for the next few hours.

I didn't notice how many episodes we got through until the front door opened and my mother stepped in.

"Wow. You're out of your room AND someone is here? I'm shocked." She said sarcastically and turned to Grayson. "Hi honey, are you staying for dinner?"

"Hi Mrs. Martins. I'd love to."

"Good! I'm glad someone's been able to get her out of bed." my mother comments as I roll my eyes and continue to focus on the television. I could feel Grayson gaze on me though, I kept facing forward, hoping he would let it go and thankfully, he did. I couldn't focus back into the show though. He knows somethings wrong. But like he really knows. And I'm gonna have to tell him something soon or he'll just be wasting his time and get sick of me just like everyone else. I started biting my nails as I watched forward feeling anxious and sick of myself.

"hey do you still have your PS4?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Do you wanna go play some before dinner?"

"I don't really have any two player games."

"That never stopped us before. We can take turns doing stupid stuff on GTA?"

"Wow I haven't played that in the longest time."

"Lets go!" He said, standing up and waiting for me to follow him upstairs to where we have the playstation set up. I slowly stood up and went along with him. "Remember when we used to play online all of the time?" He asked as I set it up.

"Yeah, remember how angry Ethan would get when asshole twelve year olds would kill us before we could even do anything in the game and I had to figure out how to start a server for just us?"

"Oh man, back when we were living in apartments our neighbors would get PISSED at how loud he would yell."

"And I'd be up here swearing, thinking no one could hear me but one day my mother came up here PISSED because I dropped the f bomb like a million times in a minute."

"She lectured all three of us the next time me and E came over." We both laughed at the memory.

After some time, my mother called up, letting us know dinner was ready. My brother and father were both home now and we all sat down for our meal.

“Grayson! It's been so long since you've been over! How are you and your brother doing?" My father asked

"We're good, Mr Martins. We're working on some new video ideas and Ethan is getting stuff for it today."

"That's great to hear. Its nice to see Skylar out of her room and have company over for once. She's just been in her room for months."

"Dad. seriously?" I ask, do we have to talk about how I'm fucked up at dinner?

"Well she doesn't help herself if she's not taking her medications." My mom comments not looking up from her plate.

"Mom!"

"Skylar why aren't you taking your meds?" My dad turns to me, everyone turns to me actually. I feel my face start to heat up with all of the unwanted attention. My anxiety rising for being put on the spot like this when Grayson was here, or anyone actually.

"And we wonder why I'm finding excuses to not sit out here with you guys all of the time?" I say, rolling my eyes before standing up and hurrying up the stairs to my room.

----

I go into my room and throw myself on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Now he's definitely gonna know I'm not okay. He's definitely gonna walk talk to me about that and probably try to help. He'll stick around for a week or two, see how annoyingly sad and stubborn I am and give up. Just like everyone else has when I've been like this in the past. As if he could hear my thoughts, I hear a knock and Grayson quietly say my name, trying to not disturb the silence.

I look up but don't make a move.

"Sorry you had to awkwardly witness all of that." I mumble. He comes in, gently shutting the door behind him. He lays next to me, also looking up at the ceiling.

"You know they're just worried about you, right?"

"I know," I sigh.

"You also know I'm worried about you, right?"

"Don't be."

"How can I not? Your tweets are literally screaming that you're not okay. You aren't taking care of yourself and distancing yourself from everyone trying to help you." My eyes start filling up with tears and my breathing start to get heavy. My skin is on fire, feeling like hot pins and needles are stabbing me all over. "Skylar?"

I can't say anything. It's like the floodgates have been opened. I dont feel numb anymore but I feel everything. Hurt, sad, angry and frustrated. All I do is curl into a ball, sobbing and gasping for air. I feel Grayson try and pick me up to bring me closer to him but I push him away. It feels like I'm being smothered with nothing touching me at all. I know he means well but when I'm like this, touching doesn't help. I feel him start to pull away, probably to get my mother since somethings wrong and he doesn't know what he should do. but I grab his hand and shake my head.

"Panic attack. Stay. Give me a few minutes." I manage to get out between strangled sobs. He nods, staring at me with worry. I'm not surprised he's freaked out. Usually when I have panic attacks like this I'm not around anyone, so he definitely hasn't seen me like this before. My mother has only heard me have them because I used to call her when I was in college. That was when they started to get really bad. He doesn't let go of my hand though, it would be hard to with me squeezing it, trying to ground myself while focusing on my breathing.

It feels like an eternity, but it was probably just a few minutes later when my breathing slowed and the pins and needles sensation had left. I let go of Grayson's hand and wipe my face, groaning once it really hit me that I just had a panic attack in front of someone for the first time in so long.

"I'm so sorry about that Gray"

"Did you just have a panic attack?"

"Yeah, again, so sorry"

"Don't be! You know I have panic attacks too. I've just never seen you have one and you've always been okay with hugging and stuff so that just threw me, I didn't know how to help you."

"I usually have them at night or I'm not near anyone when they do happen. Uh, I uh feel like I can't breathe and my skin feels like it's on fire and I'm getting stabbed with hundred of needles all over my body so I freak out even more when people try to touch me when they happen.

"Jesus, Skylar. Why don't you tell anyone you're going through this?"

"I don't know" I shrug, "I don't like to bother people."

"Are you serious? You wouldn't be bothering anyone, you just need to tell people how you're feeling when they ask, because I know they've been asking. They're really worried. I'm really worried."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I just need you to take care of yourself."

"That's really hard right now, G."

"Then let me help, let someone help, stop locking yourself away and thinking you need to go through this by yourself." Tears are now streaming down my face and I'm quietly sobbing. He brings me in for a hug and kisses my forehead. We stay like that for awhile. "We're gonna get through this. I promise."

For some reason, that just makes me cry even harder. Why can't I take care of myself? I used to be strong and independent. Now I'm weak. I need people to take care of me at 23? What is this? What the fuck is wrong with me?

"Woah, hey, please stop working yourself up. Breathe. No like really, deep breath in. Hold it. Now let it out slow. Okay. Good. That's really good. Tell me what you're thinking, Sky, please. Don't keep whatever it is you're feeling in. Please?" Grayson was sitting across from me, hands on my shoulders.

"I, uh, okay." I take a deep breath again. "I'm just so fucking weak. And helpless. You shouldn't have to be making these promises and be worried about me." I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts and take a few more breaths. "Like this is sad. Ridiculous. How did I get myself in this situation. I don't get it. I don't know or understand myself anymore and I don't know how I got like this." My panic was turning into anger now. Anger at myself. The world. God or the universe or whatever seems to be in control of all of this.

"Stop beating up on yourself for like two seconds to see that people care about you and love you. Sometimes life gets hard and we need help. If I was in this position I would want someone to help me. I can't stand seeing you like this. I WANT to help. Life got busy and I was a shitty friend that grew distant. But I'm here. Your family is here. I know for a fact that if Ethan was here he'd be agreeing with me. We've known each other for years. I know you ARE strong. You just need a little help right now. The only question is if you're going to accept the help or stay stuck." He got a little louder, was it because it's Grayson and he's just loud or wanting to make his point come across clearly? both, probably. I took a few deep breaths, really calming for the first time in hours.

"Okay."

[taxikun]

2019 - Personal

Wow it’s been a year since I made my 2018 personal post! I went through a lot of ups/downs last year but overall, the changes have been positive. But first I want to address what I have accomplished in 1 year.  --- - My mental health is better - I no longer have daily headaches - I feel like my life has more purpose and drive - I feel like I’ve been freed - My physical health is better - Still have insomnia but am sleeping more and better than when I was in school - Stopped having random stomachaches - My mood is better in general (still have downs but yknow) - I wake up excited to get up when I have work scheduled - I have traveled to Texas, Georgia, Chicago, New York, Nevada, and Michigan for conventions - I learned more about art/business/life in general! - I learned a lot about myself through my journeys/relationships whether good or bad.  - My artwork has improved - I drew a lot more!!!  - I have put out 99 pieces of new merch (yes, I keep track)! - Some of which are original pieces! I released 2 original T-Shirts <3 - I made 3 cosplays (2 of which are half done though lol)  - I got into doing makeup and am still a total noob so my foundation doesn’t match my neck LOLLL  - I got into fashion too and it gives me joy to coordinate!  - I worked on making a game with 2 of my closest friends (we’re on hiatus rn though) - I took time off for myself to draw/play games/bond with others.  Yep! There’s also a long list of things I wasn’t able to accomplish still but I am working on them at my own pace and maybe they’ll appear in 2020′s What I Accomplished Last Year List. I think I already covered a lot in terms of improving myself and my environment and I am going to say I did well (pats self on back). There were also rough patches here and there but they tend to be really personal so I won’t be sharing them. :^P  --- And with 2018 ended, I’m starting 2019 with a huge change in my life. I am moving out of my parent’s house to live on my own with my partner/bf Ichi! It’s a scary and exciting step but we will be signing lease papers this weekend and will start the moving process soon.  For 2019, I don’t really have a new year’s resolution but things I do want to do for this year: - Live more unapologetically - Exercise - Cook more - Finish DR2 finally - DR3 (Most likely watch LS but maybe play) - Finish Persona 4 finally - Play Persona 3 - give ace attorney games another try. i loved the game but the trials were too scary for me (fyi it took me 2 years to get thru DR1 and i never finished P4 because of THAT ONE dungeon entrance!!!! I JUST CANT!!!! IT'S TOO SCARY) - basically play all the terrifying games i always wanted to play/finish!!! it'll be okay after i move because then ill have someone to sleep next to at night LOL It’s not that crazy because just the first 3 are a lot for me and I don’t want to overwhelm myself. I’ll slowly become the adult I want to become ^_^)b I hope anyone who is going through a tough time will make the changes they need to make because it IS possible. It’s reallyyy f*cking hard and takes years (I MEAN. YEARS!) but if you try actively, you will make a change over time. Maybe sometime I’ll share more about my story but I honestly don’t feel ready for that yet U_U;;  Thank you for reading! I wish your 2019 to be a good one!

[inspiringwhilerespiring]

Yall know i love this survey shit<3

1. List 5 things you want to do before the year ends.

-finish 5 books

-lose 20 lbs

-produce more art

-travel out of the state & country

-heal my heart and love myself a lil more

2. What color are your pants?

not wearing any

3. Favorite motivational quote.

damn, there’s A L O T. prob something simple and to the point. I like “proud, but never satisfied” and “the distance between your dreams and reality is called action”

4. When was the last time you drank coffee?

yesterday; got a new french press for christmas<3

5. What was the last thing you ate?

lmao the weirdest shit. hot cheetos, some hummus, and a bar

6. Favorite animal.

soo many; always been fascinated by sharks. Elephants are up there too.

7. Favorite song.

currently anything Kid Cudi - he soothes my soul

8. Last movie you watched?

National Lampoon family vacation I think?

9. Any turn ons?

of course; im one of those gay people who gets turned on by having an emotional connection first and foremost; but if were strictly talking physical shit - any neck action is sexy af. or just taking breaks to make eye contact.

10. Any turn offs?

bad breath lol and just being a dick in general or inconsiderate

11. List 4 big words off of the top of your head.

cognizant; superfluous; compelling; anguished

12. What are some meaningful movies?

First ones that come to my mind that left an impact or a meaningful message are Shawshank Redemption, Avatar, Wall-E (lol), Forest Gump

13. 2 most important people in your life right now?

Myself honestly 

14. What are 3 things you want to do before the month ends?

Find a desk, order a blender, and form a morning routine

15. When was the last time you read a good book?

Currently reading Michelle Obama’s -Becoming; before that I read the Alchemist and it was good

16. How long do you study for usually, if you study?

I don’t

17. Do you have any nicknames?

Pollo, Hayls

18. Favorite kind of perfume? (fruity, alluring, etc.)

Viva la Juicy, but honestly all of them - been sticking to essential oils or all natural shit lately - anything with Amber is good.

19. Do you have any international friends / friends who live out of state?

yes<3

20. What is something unique that you do every single day?

lol shower? I dont really do anything special i dont think?

21. If there was a movie based on your life, what would it be called?

“Becoming” lol because I feel like I am always growing and changing and adapting and learning and ill never just be one thing

22. When was the last time you bought a gift for someone?

Recently - christmas time

23. Are you a shopaholic?

no - but i just got an amazon prime account and thats game changer fa real

24. What are some songs that always make you feel better?

Love - Kid Cudi, 

25. List 3 activities that you can only enjoy by yourself.

Sitting in the tub (otherwise that shit is too crowded lmao)

Reading a good book

Masturbating prob?

26. If you could live in any biome (and survive) which biome would you live in?

Tropical island

27. How do you like being roused in the morning?

cuddles and soft music (prob reggae) and if i aint got shit to do a bluntttt fam

28. How was your day? What did you do?

it was ok - fighting some inner demons lately and feeling really low :/ but i got a little bit done so im giving myself a break

29. What did your last text message say?

“bye”

30. Do you respond to texts quickly?

depends on who it is lol

31. Who was the last person you called?

my mom

32. List 5 things that are on your wish list.

i wanna learn another language

I wish to be able to see more things change for the better in our world

i wish to skydive

i wish to live in another country for a while

and i wish to love myself

33. If you were famous, what do you think you would be famous for?

maybe being a host of a talk show lol

34. Winter or summer?

both

35. What is a quality that all people should have?

empathy

36. If you could have a large collection of one item, what would that item be?

my inner white girl and materialistic ass says shoes - but idk i think it would also be cool to have a collection of books or photographs - ya know that sentimental shit i be on

37. What have you been thinking about lately?

wow so much - a lot of reflecting honestly about who i have been and how i’ve treated others and how i am trying to change myself - so ironically enough, i’ve also been thinking about the future and trying to focus on who i want to be and where i want to be

38. What is the secret to a happy life?

taking it day by day im sure

39. What are some phrases you say often?

“nice” lol to my clients a lot

40. Favorite food?

lately its been asian - like thai and vietnamese. fuck now i want some dumplings and curry and egg rollllz

41. List 3 wishes.

already fuckin diiiiiddd fam

42. What are some of your greatest fears?

memory loss, dying, losing others

43. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?

idk whats app prob

44. Most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (in real life)? 

machu picchu

45. Spicy food:Like or dislike? 

LOVE

46. Scary movies:Like or dislike?

Depends

47. Do you like to travel?

Do you know me lol

48. Any regrets?

yeah always, but i try to live my life without any and honestly id never go back and change em

49. Do you like rain?

obsessed; fav weather actually

50. What do you spend most of your money on?

food

51. Would you rather visit the past or the future?

past bc im a sentimental person; future is exciting and i like surprises and the unknown and dreaming about that shit - id rather not know.

52. Favorite clothing store?

depends - urban outfitters is my style but i like goodwill just as much

53. What is the best advice you can give to those who are feeling down?

this too shall pass

54. How often do you think about your future? Does it scare you?

honestly not often enough, i try not to over think things or it tends to give me anxiety. why worry about things that are far out of our control? I just take shit day by day

55. What angers you the most?

ignorance. and rude ass people. when someone isnt being genuine

56. When was the last time you got majorly angry?

yesterday

57. When was the last time you got really sad?

today

58. Are you good at lying?

im sure everyone is to some degree

59. What foreign language would you like to learn?

spanish

60. How many languages can you speak and what are they?

just one - semi fluent in spanish

61. How often do you go to parties? If you don’t, what do you do instead?

lol 

62. What books do you plan to read this year?

not sure! I have a couple but we shall see

63. Do you have breakfast every morning?

yes i try to - its my fav meal

64. Tell us a secret.

then it wouldnt be a secret

65. How many concerts have you been to?

a few

66. Last hug?

wasnt long enough

67. Who knows you better than anyone else?

myself

68. Baths or showers?

ooooooh damn, depends

69. Do you think you’re ambitious?

i could be a little more

70. What song is stuck in your head?

lmaooo wake up in the sky by gucci mane and bruno - thats been my shit lately

71. Countries you’ve visited?

Peru, Canada, Mexico, Costa Rica, Jamaica, Caymans, Philippines

72. What do you most value in your friends?

Communication and laughter

73. What helps you to sleep better?

putting my got dang phone away from me

74. What is the most money you have ever held in your hand?

prob like 2 grand or some shit

75. What makes you nervous?

when i over book myself or take too much on and have a lot on my plate - so time management i suppose

76. What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

to live in the present moment; and to take care of myself 

77. Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive for sure - i dont really ever forget

78. First mobile phone?

ayyy a flip phone and it was see thru and lit up and had a walkie talkie!

79. Strangest dream?

lmao ew no im so ashamed

80. Best dream?

flying or something

81. Who is the smartest person you know?

my grandpa it seems

82. Who is the prettiest person on tumblr?

idk

83. Do you miss anyone right now?

very much, always

84. Who do you love? Why?

everyone, because life is too damn short for hate

85. Do you like sharing?

yeah lol bc i expect ppl to share w me in return

86. What was the last picture you took with your phone?

idk actually

87. Is there a reason behind everything that happens?

yeah id like to think so

88. Favorite genre of music?

i was raised on hip hop so i feel like that is my go to but honestly i love reggae, alternative, a lil bit of electro chill shit, R&B, oldies, jazz, anything 

89. If you had one word to describe yourself, what would it be?

Understanding

90. Describe your life in 5 words.

roller coaster. fun. emotional. loving. growth.

91. Describe the world in 4 words.

crazy. beautiful. strong. vast.

92. Craziest thing you’ve ever done?

skinny dip?

93. First three songs in your favorite playlist?

cocaine model - zhu

is this love - bob marley

tadow - masego

94. Are you more creative or logical?

def without a doubt 100% creative/emotional/empath/sensative/does things based on feelings rather than reason type person lmao

95. Would you rather lie or hurt someone with the truth?

truth always

96. What are you most proud of?

my ability to communicate and understand people

97. What personality trait do you admire in other people?

strength/humility 

98. When you imagine yourself as really, really relaxed and happy, what are you doing?

smoking a fat ass blunt doing yoga on a sunny day while its 68 degrees out and im on a beach 

[fiovske]

This is me being awkward and emo and loving you already

Submitting because it’s so freking long whoops…This could be a pile of dumbass statements, tbh I’m just overemotional sometimes (and we Italians are known for sucking at foreign languages so I cannot guarantee that what I wrote makes sense), so I apologize in advance :’)

ok now that I’ve read your adorable tags I just HAVE to tell you this because believe it or not I’ve been thinking about sending you this message for like, the past 10 days or so (but I didn’t wanna sound awkward or anything): it’s such a pleasure seeing you on my dashboard. You represent everything I love about fandoms.

You see, I’m a lil weird… I hate every kind of conflict, both irl and online. Fandom wars? My nightmare! I often see posts written by/for antis where the only way to defend a character/ an actor/ a concept, is to destroy another one. And not only I dislike it, it also makes me very VERY uncomfortable and it’s what usually ruins a fandom for me. Of course calling out toxic behaviours is okay, but other than that I find the whole ‘antis vs stans’ culture very unsettling (rn I’m thinking about Steve and Tony in particular because you recently stated that you don’t like Civil War and I couldn’t agree more).

But your blog is just the opposite! I mean, aside from the excellent quality content, you never reblog/write anything negative. Instead, you choose to analyze characters and situations in a positive and critical way, and whenever you reblog something vaguely more ‘aggressive’ you always clarify in the tags that your own point of view is actually far less extreme. For someone like me, that means the world. I genuinely find your blog somehow soothing, like a wonderful and peaceful place (now you know what I meant when I said I was afraid to sound awkward lmao).

And since your blog says a lot about you, all the things I’ve just said apply to you as a person as well. I can’t say I know you, of course (tho I’d love to), but I’m pretty sure you’re just as soft and respectful irl as I imagine you to be.

I love and cherish every one of my followers, mutuals or not, and that’s a fact. And needless to say, all the people I listed in my post deserve that spot. But know that even if we’ve never actually had a conversation, you have a special place in my heart (aaaand again, a w k w a r d  girl alert!), and that you’re one of my favourite people here.

Idk if you were serious about the friendship thing and I understand that creating a real friendship online is difficult for loads of people, but if you were serious I look forward to be your friend :’) <3

– 

ok @godisavalkyrie I dont even know where to start okay, so I’m gonna make points in the order of how I go thru the paras bc aaaaa

ok first of all, I love seeing you on my dash cause you rb sUCH amazing stuff and also when I see you reblogged the stuff I reblogged it makes me feel this dsjkgkd happiness like “aaah yes, I have pleased The Friend” kind of emotion OK, you’re just so smart and so wholesome on the internet I lov u big time OK

and lol i’m awkward as hell so dont worry if the conversation ever gets weird its bc i dont know how to carry a conversation but that doesn’t mean I dONt wanna be fRIENDS ok we gOT THIS

and oh yea, antis of any kind are just the worst like if u dont like something then fiNE! dont like it, but nah they’re gonna make blogs and stuff to make specific posts to POST hate and that’s the lamest fucking thing like wow you’re talking this way about fictional characters pleas chill go eat a pizza or something idk stop being so hateful jesus fck

oo ya I totally get ur conflict point bc some days im like that but some days my impulsive ass is ready to fight lololol srri I’m 5ever bitter with CW dsngkdsngk I think the writing could have been vastly more nuanced but well, Marvel had a plan and they tried their best lol. Your stand on the whole anti vs stans thing is so justified bc honestly it gets very very toxic in the fandom it’s suffocating like people are rude to people for NO reason but simple dumb hate it’s absolutely ridiculous.

i’m gonna cry this is the fucking sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me gosshhhhh I try to keep my blog the kind of thing I’d come back and enjoy going thru and feel good about i’m so happy to hear you like it aaajkkfhsgj catch my brain machine breAKING skjgkg <3

aaaa what’re you tlaking about online friendships are THE JAM I’ve met a couple of people here online that I’m ready to die for and i know online friendships are hard to sustain but i gUESS WE’RE GONNA FIND OUT BC guess wHAT WE’RE FRIENDS NOW (if ur ok with it plsss)

You’re legit one of the kindest sweetest people I’ve met on this hellsite and I’m so glad to have met you the fact that you tag me in those posts like shit that’s too damn soft ughhh it makes me so emo everytimee I’m just,,,, really overwhelmed,,,, know that I LOV U and we can be awkward together BABAAEEEEYYYY

[bahebak]

30 questions tag

I was tagged by @symphoniecraptastique , hey hey thanks bb you know I love you!!! <3 <3 <3

Rules: Answer 30 questions. Tag 10 blogs you want to get to know better.

Nickname(s):Taytay, Tater Tot, Frankie, and people at work started calling me Red becaUSE THERE ARE THREE TAYLORS ON MY UNIT AHHGGGGHH it’s such a common name oh also I have red hair that’s why

Gender:

Female

Sign:

Virgo

Height:

5′1...and a half!

Current time:

 2 AM

Favorite bands:

aHHHH???? way too hard of a question so I’ll just list some great bands I’ve been listening to lately: Animal Collective, Death Grips, Sparks, Talking Heads, Siouxsie Sioux and the Banshees, Cocteau Twins, The Cure, System of a Down....

Favorite solo artists:

Also a really difficult question to answer!!!! Probably Kate Bush, Selena, Prince, Bowie, Sade, Faye Wong, Akiko Yano, Nancy Ajram, & Myriam Fares 

Song stuck in my head:

One of my favs by Faye Wong it’s called Decadence please please put this on spotify omg ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ee8xD0c1qzU )

Last movie I saw:

The Matrix lmaoooo

Last show I watched:

Either Gintama or Nathan For You

When did I create my blog:

uhhh around 2011 woah

What do I post:

nothing good!

Last thing I googled:

“smoking cigarettes health benefits conspiracy“ because I heard there was a conspiracy theory about it but turns out it was just a meme hahaha

Do I have other blogs:

no bahebak is my baby but I should def be on here less so I can at least try to be productive

Do I get asks:

not often but I loooove answering them

Why did I choose my URL:

it just means love in arabic I know it’s uncreative I’ve wanted to change it for a while but when I searched my own blog name in the search bar (lmao) there were so many other bahebak’s with numbers after them so I was strangely happy to be the original

Following:

1,539 >:O

Followed by:

489 and a lot of them are bots but I hugely appreciate all of my followers and mutuals for sticking thru the horrible content I reblog and my occasional rants <3 <3 <3 <3 

Average hours of sleep:

it’s either like 4 or around 10 there’s no inbetween

Lucky number:

42069 hahaha humor uh actually I don’t have one!

Instruments:

Former flute (and recorder!!!) player, I’d love to get back into it when I have some free time, currently teaching myself piano

What I’m wearing:

many  c o m f y  layers

Dream Job:

hmmm something involving traveling, eating, studying and teaching different religions, cultures, and languages....

oh or an esthetician (but wish they were payed much higher :\) or a more realistic dream job would be what I’m actually planning in the future which is to be an Aesthetic/Dermatology Nurse Practitioner or Medical Spa Nurse (:

Favorite food:

ok so I’m a big slut for Palestinian/Lebanese, Mexican, Italian, Japanese, Thai, & Korean food but more specifically uhhh Pineapple fried rice (hoooooooo boi if you haven’t had this go out and get some right now... all the flavors and textures... wow I’m craving this so bad now) Sushi, pizza, chicken wings, molokhia over rice!!!!!!!, and of course... the god of all dishes... stuffed grapes leaves (warak diwali? idk how to type it just how to say it go get some Palestinian ones not the Greek dolma blehhh those don’t compare at all

Nationality:

*born in the usa by bruce springsteen plays muffled in the background*

My Favorite song:

This question is almost impossible so right now I really love the songs Night of the Swallow & Experiment IV by Kate Bush, Orange Appled by Cocteau Twins, and Born Under Punches by Talking Heads (more like Tina Weymouth and the boys amiright @symphoniecraptastique )

Last book I read:

oh man it’s been a while I’ve been meaning to read The Handmaid’s Tale and Leah Remini’s Troublemaker but probably Shane Dawson’s It gets Worse :P

Top three fictional universes I want to join:

(1) A mix of two of my childhood favorites... Naruto and The Last Airbender!!! I loved them so much as a kid that my neighbors and I made up a game called “Ninjas” that we each possessed different elements and trained and fought each other and enemies oh and we were ninjas too

(2) I love and will always love Kingdom hearts and in the game you can go to so many disney universes so that’s a plus also destiny island is the starting universe I use to have dreams that I would hang out with Sora, Kairi, and Riku trying to catch starfruit .... big cringe but it was sweet as a kid ok roast me

(3) mmm maybe some sappy lovey dovey unrealistic Korean Drama like Reply 1988/1997 or Coffee Prince!!!

ok if you made it this far thanks for reading love ya xoxoxo

I’m tagging @sonic06apologist @languagecrazy @ribitchulous @gingerche @jalukaw @hojabby @izukusfreckles @jerkbend @heart @swagipino @dangerouspers0n @xxxthottacion @sweetestpiano @googooshftbollywoodandkpop @thetyrannosaur @renm @karinadotgov @sinopea @naseemaa and anyone else who wants to do this ;--}

[dokyungsu]

Who are some of ur favorite people here and why?

💘💘💘 HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL MY MUTUALS 💘💘💘 WROW REN LOVES YOU???? 💘💘💘 HELL YEA SHE DOES !!!!!💘💘💘

i had this in drafts for so long bc i wanted to post it on valentines like di cheesy person that i am so this is kind of like my version of sending u guys a love letter of some sort,,, flowers n chocolates all that… bc i obviously can’t send u guys flowers n chocolates irl 😣😣😣 anyways aasdjhakdkjh this is gonna be long so ima put a read more right here ♥

@zyxgf​ aka jackieMISS JACKIE!?!?!? uhm i say this all di time but she’s my baby girl 🤢🤢 she’s given me nothing but love n affection and laffs for di whole time we’ve been mutuals,,, 💗💓💕💖💞💗💓💕💖💞 she’s so funni n a relateable kween. giffing kween. kween of being cute… superior xingmi n exo m stan wrow… i’m always excited to see if she’s tagged me in stuff (laysoo) or if she’s messaged me or has made posts abt me or has sent me asks…. like she’s rly one of di reasons i love being here :((((( she’s so cute ohhhh my god..  also she sends me death threats abt yixing pls dw jackie i won’t steal ur man… i’ll steal U from ur man.. 😣😣😣 i’ll make him lose his balance n sweep u away 👀👀👀 i also lowkey wished we talked but ajsdbkjashdkj 

@exoistheuniverse aka ali (formerly sooweetlies a god-tier url wow)ALI IS THE SOFTEST MUTUAL EVER !!!!!!!! AND ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE KSOO-LS :(((( everytime i think of her i think about cotton candy and clouds and penguins and ksoo :((( … she’s so talented have y’ALL SEEN HER EDITS??? AND GIFS?? AND HER CUTE KSOO ICONS !!!! when will i ever… her voice is also di cutest… she always sends me love asks and asdhkas honestly how can i ask for more when she gives me di Most… pls i have a lot of love in my hort for her i always wish her the best n hope that she’s always happy 😣😣😣

@pcys-l aka rimi (formerly loeysoul i mean its true loey is in her soul)RIMI di LOve of my LIFE!!!!!! the first ever mutual i talked to because we both cried abt bruise 🤕🤕 meme queen, is Nasty in her tags abt pcy 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️ THINKS I’M UNLOYAL WHEN I’M NOT but she makes me happy n holds a special place in my hort.. I LOVE RIMI SO MUCH SHE DESORVS DI WHOLE WORLD SHE’S SO FUNNI AND HAVE MADE ME LAFF COUNTLESS OF TIMES AND I’m happy i got to be mutuals w u :(((

@yiffxing aka gabbyPREDDIEST FURRY QUEEN !! YIXING’S SEKSI SHEEP BACK-UP DANCERS R SHAKING !!! even tho we’ve only started talking uhhhh she’s rly di sweetest person ik 🤕🤕🤕 is trash for ksoo but i’ll let her off bc i luv her :\ the person who’ll date will b di luckiest bc uhhh she’s a whole package… fun fact: i was intimidated by gabby at first bc she was too beautiful n i thought i couldn’t b friends w her but 😣😣 I SEND HER LOVE MSGS EVERY CHANCE I GET💗💗💗💗💗💗

@kiungsoo aka livLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i haven’t seen her on my dash in a while bc she’s on q but i miss her :((( she a fellow twenty-four enthusiast so if u wanna slander miss twenty four u gotta go thru US !! 😤😤😤 she’s also another talented mutual :(( y’all seen her countdown bday posts for ksoo?? go check it out binch!!! go d i love liv 😩😩😩 i hope school and studying is going well for u i wish u all di best i love u 💗

@suhopps aka sunnie my SUNNIEshine (i’ve appointed u that nickname there’s lideralee no escape from it) we talked heaps before but everyone who’s… mutuals w me.. like basically everyone in this list knows i am The Worst at keeping convos 😰😰 but sunnie is so so so so sweet and soft and i love when i talk with you :((( we have so many things in common lmfao and she’s such a dramatic gay but i love it !! i always wish for your happiness and i believe that u can overcome any hardships you’re facing right now,,, i love u sunnie!!!! take care always 😙💘

@sophrosynes​ aka robertaI LOVE ROBERTA SO MUCH !!!!!!! I KNOW WE DON’T TALK BUT I HOPE U KNOW THAT I THINK ABT U AND HOPE THAT UR ALWAYS WELL :((( miss sophrosynes was my very first anon and honestly… she’s so thoughtful and considerate and nothing full of love and g od d dd she has a face to match her beautiful hort :(( thank u for sending me love always 💗💓💕💖💞 id die for u.. 

@kokobaekhyun aka jasmineY’ALL JASMINE’S A WILDT ONE Y’ALL SEEN HER TAGs??? when i thought no one can match rimi in being the Nastiest but.. ANYWAYS i love her either way 🤕🤕🤕 when she’s in soft mode it’s wholesome rly…. WE BONDED OVER MULLET!BBH BC IT’S GOD TIER AND WILL NEVER BE TOPPED anyways yea… love jas… she’s so funny n fun to talk to 😩💘 also if ur in a mood to talk about hard bbh she’S THE GIRL UR LOOKING FOR she’s always in the mood u won’t be disappointed KAJSHDjkas 

@my1ady aka arelyUHMMM NOT TO START BUT SHE’S MY BIGGEST FAN :(((((( WHEN SHE TAGS ME IN STUFF??? AND HER TAGS?? heart n*t :\ I LOVE HER SO MUCH THE LOVE SHE GIVES ME???? i don’t deserve… 😞😞😞 my anons asked abt her a lot lmfao idk why adkjahskj ONE OF MY FAVORITE XINGMIS HONESTLY!! HAS A GOD TIER URL WROW… my_lady_by_exo-m.mp3 amazing.. and uh loves my man so that’s a bonus… we share mans 🤕🤕🤕 love u arely.. 💗💗💗

@byunchen aka melqueen of making me want to d*e bc of soft n sweet bbh/exo imagines :(( also queen of making me want to KERMIT SUE OF SIDE BC OF THE NSFW BBH POSTS SHE MAKES I H*TE akjdhaskdjh SHE RLY BRINGS OUT THE BBH-L IN ME :\  ALSO MY FELLOW TRIPLE STAN??? VALID ! she’s full of nothing but love and AHHHHHHH I LOVE U MEL !!!!!!!! 💗💓💕💖💞

@exosvisual aka cindySHE ONE OF DI LOVELIEST XINGMIS IVE EVER MET PLEASE !!!! we cry about idol producer trainees together but mainly how hot and yixing distracting looks in all of di goddamn idol p episodes :\ I LOVE HER so much she’s rly so sweet and i’m rly glad i got to meet her :(( and also may i add that she’s… rly beautiful  😭😭😭 💗💓💕💖💞

@byunparks aka maddyMADDY WHO I BONDED WITH DURING THE 3 NIGHTS OF ELYXION !?!?!!?!!!! NEVER FUCKING FORGET !!!!! SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE I WAS TALKING AND UH we were both crying and truly losing our minds pls… i haven’t interacted with her much nowadays but she’s one of di best bbh-Ls i know n i love her… thank u for making me happy so i also wish for you happiness ily 🤧💖💖💖

@byunbread aka veraQUEEN VEWWA WHOMST I WUV SO MUCH :((((( not to b dramatic but she’s lideralee one of di best bbh blogs out there… (also random fact; she’s 179cm like… i’m so sorry baekhyun sweetie akshdakjsHDAAKJHDKJA) also uhhh queen of being di most beautiful ??? i’m not kidding :\ altho we’ve only interacted through posts and what not i rly love seeing her on my dash 🤧🤧🤧 i wish you di best for ur studies i wuv u vewwa 💕💕💕

@stanbaek aka ashleyASHLEY !!!!! A-SHE!!!-LY!!! uhm she’s is sososo sweet and her love for bbh is so so wholesome and beautiful and there’s A LOT of it :((( HER BBH BLOG CONTENT IS AMAZING AHH!!! we’ve talked a few times and she’s rly so sweet please.. 😞😞😞 honey i hope you know that you deserve to be happy 🤧🤧 i wish that you’ll always have strength when you experience days that are difficult to go through, i told u that i believe in u okay!!! i love you and i mean it 💞💞💞

@littlechefsoo aka courtneyONE OF MY FAVORTIE KSOO-LS AHH!!!!! i think courtney has been one of my oldest mutuals since i came on tumblr and she’s always been such a lovely person :(( her love for ksoo??? WHOLESOME…. i love it whenever she tags me in di tag games and even tho we’ve only interacted/talked a few times i love her 😣😣💗💗 also have y’all seen her ‘do it for him’ post and the pics were filled with suho’s tiddies from gayo daejun???? YEA MOOD. i love my fellow kyungmyeon-Ls 💖💖💖

@kyungsooslatinagf aka jossyJOSSY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!??!?! i love reading her tags when she reblogs from me pls kashdkahs also another one of my all-time favorite ksoo-Ls ♥♥♥ she’s one of di few people who came to check up on me during… a hard time so thank you for that :(( a fellow shawol-L and honestly miss jossy is beautiful my gosh 😩💘 we’re both tauruses so i think we have a lot in common lmao i wanna b able to interact n talk w u more miss jossy ily 🤧🤧💖💖

[pupsandnubs]

Date Night

Tonight was one of my favorite date nights, and even though you were in neck-stiffness-pain and loopy from the benzo I gave you, it was still one of my favorites.

I’ve been very conscious of how much you’ve been spending on me/us/when we go out, and I can’t help but feel guilty or feel like it’s been way too much. So when you suggested the ceramics place at Menlo, I knew I didn’t want you to pay for it. And since I’ve been struggling a little more than usual financially, I knew it wasn’t smart for me to pay for it right now either. 

So in my attempt to be frugal and cute, and half-jokingly, I suggested we do a 3-course-dinner-and-drive-in-movie. You asked where there was a drive thru and then I explained my oh-so-fancy date idea.

3 courses: Go to 3 random drive thru places and order an appetizer, main “meal” and a dessert off the dollar menu.

Drive-In movie: We pull up Netflix, pick a movie and stay in the car to watch it.

In theory it’s a ridiculous idea, but oh how I fell in love with you more for LOVING the idea and for being enthusiastic about it. Because you didn’t shit on the idea or shame me for “being lame”- it made me SO excited to see you tonight. And in my excitement I knew I had to stop by the dollar store to get those cute little red striped popcorn buckets. $7 later, we each had a bucket, caramel popcorn, and an assortment of candies. A “concession stand” if you will. 

You picked ‘Enter the Dragon’ and I knew without a doubt I’d hear you snoring. Like clockwork you dozed off, and I couldn’t help but giggle and watch you for a little bit.

My perfect person, keeping me young by encouraging these cheesy date nights, but also allowing the ‘romance’ to still be there in even the mundane moments. It’s these moments that make up that ‘honeymoon’ stage for me.

I legit got sucked into the stupid movie and then realized I was also tired and didn’t want you to be in MORE pain from sleeping like a wet pretzel in my car, so I dropped you off at home, and had to venture to Walmart to pick up some stuff for my mom. I decided it was the perfect time to pull up one of my newer audiobooks I recently downloaded.

I’m a big big fan of the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and I knew he had 2348234832 other things he’d written too. I was reminded of them when some girl I follow on IG was posting her “must reads”. This girl is like 25 and had a huge following because she posts cute pics of her working in Disney- I digress but anyway, I thought it was odd that a baby was reading Gary Chapman’s “Things I Wish We’d Known Before We Got Married”. It was on my to-read list for awhile so whatever, I downloaded it. It’s a quick read/listen, so as I was walking around Walmart I was listening to all the things Dr. Chapman was suggesting and my insides got all warm.

It goes into this whole thing about how he asks his clients that want to get married “Why do you want to get married” and the normal response is “Well, because we’re in love.” Then he asks them “Well, why” and there’s usually not a coherent response past “Well, because.”

Then the chapters break down a serious of questions and things two people should go over because being “in love” doesn’t constitute for a successful marriage. I got through like 4-5 chapters. 

Most of it I already knew, and we had already established. Then it went into arguments/anger/apologies. And he broke down that there are 5 Apology languages that each partner would need to learn. And it made me smile because we really know each other’s. And we do a really great job of it and I had several moments mumbling to myself going “He does that already. He knows how to do that. Mhm, he’s really good at acknowledging that.” It was really nice validation, to know we handle conflict REALLY well for two people still in their own early stages of the relationship. 

It mentioned the 5 Love Languages and as he went through all 5, my heart was full because you do really understand all 5 of mine, and are so willing to adjust to them as they shift and there is a new #1 from time to time. I think I do a solid job of meeting yours too. 

I would love for you to listen to or read the book too, if you’re interested. It’ll make you puff up your chest in pride knowing we do a lot of these things on our own already. It’s also been pretty enlightening too. I went online to his website to look at his questionnaires and ended up taking all the quizzes. 

Turns out that the order of my 5 love languages was a LOT different than I’d originally thought. When we first met I told you my top 2 were Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation and that they’d often switch between the two. After I took the test, my results:

1. Quality Time (33%)

2. Acts of Service (23%)

3. Words of Affirmation (20%)

4. Physical Touch (17%)

5. Gifts (7%)

I was pretty shocked to see Physical Touch at #4. I’d still say that’s a tie for #1 for me, but maybe it’s because I know I already receive that abundantly from you. I took the apology test too (I think you should take it, it’s pretty cool)

My apology language is: make restitutions. Makes sense, I don’t just want to hear someone is sorry, I want them to acknowledge why they are and then want to know what they’ll do to fix it/make it better. For apologies, to me- actions speak louder than words.

Anyways- I just wanted to write about it, so you could read about it :)

I’m looking forward to finishing the audiobook, it’s super interesting. And it’s nice to finally be in a situation where instead of sinking further into myself thinking “... wow he doesn’t do that, we’re not like that, wow we don’t do that AT all...” and realizing I’m with the wrong person- I was basically skipping merrily from aisle to aisle beaming because I am with the -perfect- person for me. 

For me, if Dr. Gary Chapman asked me why I wanted to marry you and what being in love with you meant; I’d have ALL the answers. He would be annoyed and want me to shut up. 

I hope someday, you can say the same when someone asks you why you’re in love with me, or why you want to marry me. Or at least be able to tell ME the reasons for both.

I know you knocked out early. I hope you sleep well, your neck doesn’t hurt as much and that you have a good productive work morning.

I love you babe <3

[justmeinstead]

Sun, 6 May

hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!after so long for not updating my profile for tumblr theres alot to talk about tho. I just dk where to start with really heheh, well i just gonna go with the flow tho. Usually i update it thru my phone but i find it smh difficult cause need to type and it gets irritating at times, right now im at work and my office comp is able to access to tmblr so is much easier to type with the keyboard. Especially when you know you have content to talk about. Before we start where we left which idk whr, i would like to say tht is been 1year alrd for me and my ummi. See the girl in my DP pic shes been the best tht ever hppn in my life, nothing cn take her away from me plus we hve our princess tht will always hold us tight tgtr and both of us will do our best to guide her and raise her well. One more thing have fun reading ummi. ILOVEYOU IT HAS BEEN AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE.

Lets Begin;

So whr did i stop after so long??? hmmm guess what fgt about it is alrd 2018 a brand new year and is alrd May guys Ramadhan also around the corner...if we were to flashbck for 2018 hmm smh theres kinda alot tht had hppn alrd..lets lay it out shall we, i will list down the importants of it only ok? Lets go...

1) Savings plan for our marriage is a lil bit bumpy as we just used it up for our trip to bangkok. No doubt we hve alrd plan to pick up our savings. 

2) 1st year anniversary falls on 11/04/2018 and on the 21/03/2018 is also our 1st year of knowing each other. For this story of our anniversary i will try to keep it nice and short to read. It has been a bumpy ride for our r/s knowing is been alrd 1 year were tgtr so blessed and thanks to him above who plan our path to meet each other. Ofcrs the mainstream part of anniversary is the exchnge gift, im actually speechless when i recieve mine,you guys wont believe the creativeness in her to do wht she did is just beyond wow! heheh let me tell about wht she did, she did a flipbook with just papers and each pages has it owns unique style of animations is all DIY evry piece of details and attention she did is done perfectly. For hers i buy is all a last min item heheh wht i bought is a laptop bag and a notebook, knowing she loves to write and her diary she needs a new one plus is green her fav colour but guess wht shes smh now hooked with the colour blue which my fav colour ^^ is true laa how come shes not into blue evry time when we go out as family cnfrm whr blue most of the time heheh. Wtv it is alhamdulillah we manage to pull thru wtv tht we face tgtr the ups and down. Now all we need to do is to be strict in our savings and wait for the big day inshaallah amin.

3) Bangkok Trip

For this trip is a 4d3n trip for us we were so excited for it and at the same is sad. why sad? is bcs we cant bring along our princess along as distance away w/o her is sucks. Nvr the less we keep our heads up and proceed, so how the day when from day 1 till were bck in sg? Let me see if im able to cut evrtyg short and squeeze all the stories tgtr or nah..wish me luck heheh..[ 28/04/18 1st day; ummi hve to work from 7am -2pm, while i was still sleeping. So i fetch her from work and first thing we proceed to clementi mall and chnge some amount of money once we did tht we straight proceed to changi as our flight is at 1800hr. Fast fwd, we rch changi airport take our boarding pass and we go find food, keep searching we decide to eat McDonald. Continue story once landed ^^ We reach Bkk alrd heheh thts a very fast forward from mkn to land at Bkk, once rch we got to freaking walk 500m just to rch the arrival hall..rch the arrival, chop passport,all done we go and get our simcard as internet access is major must since we are on our own, get simcard done.Next we get into line for a cab and guess what once we get a cab it cost us about 500 Thai Baht whr my friend says you can get at about below 300 baht..well anw we manage to rch the hotel and settle btw we stay in Bangkok City Hotel.] [29/04/18 2nd day; Theres a lot for 2nd day as we were out from noon till night and most of it we do is shop and walk nothing much just exploring the city tgtr. Food wasnt so difficult for us as our hotel is near to a mosque and therefore theres Halal food, we had lunch in one of the shop near the mosque.. All we had was just one plain rice with 2 omelletes thts for ummi and i had rice with beef and basils, not only is cheap is freaking delicious and the serving were just right and is just a good meal to have. Well actually nothing much to say for this day..main thing is walk around and shopping thats all guys.][30/04/2018 3rd day; for this day also we didnt do much just go out shop and we when to the night market which open at 5pm onwards. End the night early get bck to our hotel pack our stuff get ready for heading bck on the next day.][01/05/2018 4th day; woke up, freshen up, get ready say one last goodbye to the hotel and chckout. We tot we cn get a cheaper price ride to the airport infact is the same price as we took when we first landed. well anw we still got money left so we just pay for it jelh.] 

So guys thats the update from eversince we last posted anytg and to my ummi happy reading to this post..Till more to come Inshaallah Amin!.ILOVEYOU UMMI IT HAS BEEN AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE, IMISSYOU SO MUCH UMMI. Blessed to have you and kakak thanks to him.

-Justmeinstead ^^

[rodger-that-studios]

The (Actual) Final Countdown Part 2

My Top 20 Albums - Part 2

The ten following albums are sheer musical perfection, and in no order, I’m going to recommend that you check them out.

Did I say recommend?

I meant damn near demand.

It’s live. Lets go.

10 – Reggatta De Blanc – The Police – 1979

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPwMdZOlPo8

Take a bow, Stewart Copeland

The Police were, simply, a revolutionary band.

We’re not going to talk about Sting on his own, though.

Why were they revolutionary? That’s easy. They combined so many elements when making music it was as if Dr Frankenstein signed a record deal. Reggae? Check. Rock? Check. You want falsetto? Opera? yeah, it’s in there. RDB was definitely their magnum opus, the Michelangelo’s David of their remarkable discography.

There are so many remarkable tunes here. Let’s have a crash course, shall we?

Message in a Bottle is an incredible song. It’s almost transformative, as if it starts as one genre, a rock and roll record, and then becomes something else. Once Mr Copeland starts to flex his muscles on the kit it changes and becomes a Reggae-licious affair. It’s unlike anything else I’ve ever heard, and it floors me every single time. Also offered here is some truly genius lyricism. Sting remarks that it “Seems I’m not alone in being alone”. How melancholy and unique is that? It’ll make your head spin, but god is it worth it.

The other knockout tune here is Walking on The Moon. Safe to say the lyrics are simple. Giant steps are indeed what you must take when you walk on the moon. Not all the lyrics are as profound as Message in a Bottle, but for me, with this song, it’s all about the drums. I fell in love with all things Stewart Copeland when I first heard this. Stewart is in his own little bubble here, and he knocks me for six every single time, especially the fill he cheekily adds before the final chorus. That is nothing short of magical. It’s a stunning performance, much like this is a stunning album.

9 – Greatest Hits of The Cure – The Cure – 2001

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3nPiBai66M

warm fuzzy feeling

The Cure are one of those mythical groups that have very few bad songs. I know the musical puritans among you will slate me for including a compilation album rather than the original works (it’s not the SAME, WILL), but this is just a silly list, after all, it’s really not worth you getting so worked up over.

As far as the album is concerned it features most of the usual suspects, but a few songs stand out to me, even at 20 years old. My mother first showed me our first standout, Just Like Heaven when I was no older than ten. It was captivating to me that someone could pour so much happiness into three and a half minutes. Originally the song came during that transformative phase of the band’s career when they went from their gothic ‘I hate everybody’ origins to ‘Friday I’m In Love’.

Wow

Yeah

Quite a change.

But Just Like Heaven is an ode to falling in love for the first time. It’s quite a beautiful thing to behold really. Also, my mum and I still sing it together and I’m almost 21. That still makes me smile.

Boys Don’t Cry is one of those songs that you’ll find yourself singing even if you have no idea what Robert Smith is talking about.

Boys Do Cry.

Honestly it’s gorgeous. It’s honest and emotional, which is where the best songs come from. That about sums up this album actually. It has a profound sense of emotion and a lust for life. Not one to miss.

8 – The Colour And The Shape – Foo Fighters – 1997

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBG7P-K-r1Y

This one will blow your socks off

If you’ve had the pleasure of reading my piece about my recent, ahem, experiences at the 2019 Reading Festival, then you’ll know how I feel about the Foo Fighters. They are one of the greatest, if not the pinnacle rock band of the last 20 years, and if you’re hoping to get into them, this album is the perfect diving board.

Following the death of Kurt Cobain in ’94, Dave Grohl, the guy in the Foos who looks an awful lot like the drummer from Nirvana, channeling his inner mad scientist, started a new project. The result was The Foo Fighters.

So logically a mere 3 years later they dropped this seminal, uncomfortably incredible record.

Every song on the tracklist is a home run, but there is something truly transcendent about a little ditty called Everlong. It’s a four-minute voyage into unrequited love and not wanting things to ever change, wanting things to stay the same. That’s the perfect description for the track because once you’ve listened to it, you never want to un-hear it. It’s remarkably simple, just Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins and the rest of the band making love to your eardrums with hypersonic mastery.

Side note – maybe I’m babbling because of how much I freaking love this song, or maybe it’s just that good. I guess you’ll have to listen to find out.

I’m having to restrain myself from gushing about every single song on this thing. Its one of those records that will never leave your memory once you’ve listened to it a few times. The Foos are an amazing collective of awesome haircuts, amazing instrumental technicality, and genius lyrics.

If I had to choose one other song to personally recommend (and it can’t be all of them) then I’d have to go for Monkey Wrench. It’s one of the most energetic rock songs you’ll ever hear. It’s angry, but that anger is harnessed by Dave and the boys and transformed it into a ridiculously cool song and indeed album. Kick. Ass.

7 – Black Holes and Revelations – Muse – 2006

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZIk5wIq2Qw

It’s about the song people, not the film

Oh Hell Yes.

Muse, but more specifically their jack of all trades irritatingly talented frontman Matt Bellamy have always had fans. They’re a fabulous band after all, but when this album came out in the summer of 2006 Muse went from strength to strength, and it’s not hard to see why this album is held in such high esteem by die-hard Muse fans the world over.

This is Muse at their most theatrical and most powerful. The lyrics are profound, the guitars are loud and the vocals are up in the stratosphere. Its a rock opera, an odyssey of epic proportions. Also the first standout, Supermassive Black Hole gained new notoriety when it was used for that scene in Twilight where the vampires play baseball (you know the one. don’t lie).

But there are other songs here that will leave you stunned. Let’s take Map of the Problematique for example. Its a brilliant bloody song, with Dominic Howard beating the shit out of the drums to create an almost trance-like listening experience, complete with soaring harmonies from Bellamy to boot. Its so cool. Bottom line.

And before we move on there’s the tiny little tiny matter of Starlight, which is one of the best songs the band has ever written, and my personal favourite of the album. It’s soaring. A song for the ages about wanting to be with that one person that means more to you than you could ever put into words. You need to experience it, but we’ve all felt those feelings. That’s why it works.

6 – Sweet Baby James – James Taylor – 1970

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOIo4lEpsPY

‘Who’s cutting onions in here?

Way back at the start of our list I warned that Mr Taylor may be making a cheeky appearance, and look who’s rocked up. I’m a man of my word.

This album is a family favourite, and one of the first albums that Mum and I ever listened to together. She used to sing me, Sweet Baby James, before I went to sleep every night, and I still get that same warm fuzzy feeling every time I listen to it. I’d never heard such a beautiful song before but I knew what that meant after the first time I heard some of the songs on this album. Taylor was an incredible songwriter and truly one of the greatest talents of his generation.

That talent is reinforced with our next song, Fire and Rain (tears, already). The song is melancholy and painful to listen to. But its not pain in a bad way its as if its a necessary pain to go trough because you know things will get better soon. Thats what I think Taylor was going for. The song has a certain distance to it, almost. The lyrics are desperately sad, but the instrumentation and interpretation that Taylor places round them is sonorous and achingly beautiful to listen to. The song is like an old friend after you’ve listened to it a few times. It simply will never let you down. Thats the perfect description for Taylor’s 1970 magnum opus. It will always be with you.

And side note – who knows if the ever speculated relationship between James Taylor and Carole King was real, or if it ever materialised. Frankly that doesn’t matter. If it was true that they wrote this album together, then that will only make your love for the record increase. Two people came together and made a fabulous and timeless piece of artwork. Well done them I say.

5 – Escapology – Robbie Williams – 2002

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHdvQmA2Ws8

Damn this is some funky shit

This was another album I couldn’t get enough of growing up.

Take That split up back in 1996, and Robbie Had been going it alone (and doing rather well for himself) for a good few years when this gem came out in 2002. The main reason Escapology is so resonant with me and still so relatable even in my 20 year old head is because of two things;

The honesty and realism of Williams’ lyrics

The unstoppable partnership between Williams and the albums super producer, Guy Chambers.

Escapology was a new direction for Williams. It was completely different from Life Thru A Lens (1997) I’ve Been Expecting You (1998) and Swing When You’re Winning (2000). Now don’t get me wrong. All three of those albums were great too, but this one would go down as being historically different.

The cream of the crop here, in my ever-humble opinion, is a tie between Something Beautiful and Feel. The former is a cheerful, life-affirming ode to happiness and prosperity, while the latter is a brutally honest and beautifully written song about wanting to find happiness. Maybe there’s a theme that connects the two, but they’re different in almost every other way, and both iconic because of it.

But that’s not where the magic ends with this album. Later on, in the stellar tracklist you’ll find Hot Fudge. This is one of the funkiest songs Robbie and Chambers ever wrote, and one listen to the thing will prove to you why. Its three minutes of killer keyboards, awesome vibes and that trademark Robbie Williams tongue-in-cheek.

Basically, this album is awesome. Get the message? Check it out.

4 – American Idiot – Green Day – 2004I don’t even have to explain this one. I wrote a piece about why this album was ahead of its time.

You can find that here. This one is special, but unbelievably it’s only in fourth. So lets press on.

https://wordpress.com/view/thefriendlycritic.org

Oh my god

OH MY GODDDDD

We’ve reached PODIUM POSITIONS PEOPLE

Look alive sunshine

I’m EXCITED!

Okay okay home stretch lets do this.

3 – Hotel California – Eagles – 1976

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tcXblWojdM

AIR GUITAR

I’ve always been in complete awe of The Eagles. They’re a bunch of freaking rockstars. Living legends. And boy do they know it.

This is the album that gave them that status.

Its a masterpiece. An absolute fucking masterpiece. I’ll try and explain why without squealing with glee.

The title track is the musical equivalent of willingly losing your mind. It’s a drug trip made of sound waves. It’s remarkable and will change the way you think about music. Probably forever. It almost goes beyond how the song actually sounds with this one, although HC does also happen to feature the single greatest guitar solo I’ve ever heard. Glen Fry, take a bow up there you beautiful man. We all miss you.

The lyrics warn you that you ‘can check out any time you like, but you can never leave’.

But let me ask you

If being held hostage by narcotics in blissful ignorance of your situation (somewhere in the desert) sounds this good, why the hell would you ever want to leave?

This song is that good. And its only track ONE.

This album is one of those mythical records that will surprise you more and more every time you listen to it. We continue with New Kid in Town and later Life In The Fast Lane. These are two equally beautiful, but vastly different songs. New Kid is quite melancholy when you first listen to it, but it grows on you. It makes sense really considering the song is about wanting to be accepted. Fry, Henley and the rest of the band really flex their instrumental muscles here, and the result is glorious.

Fast Lane is a different beast, though.

It’s my personal favourite on the album, and it features Glenn Fry at his most untouchable. A guitar hero if ever there was one. This song rocks, this song rolls and this song does basically everything in between. Its a song you can listen to in any mood and you’ll instantly feel better because of it. The harmonies here are phenomenal too.

Just like the rest of the album. Incredible.

2 – Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band – The Beatles – 1967

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naoknj1ebqI

Uh, no clues for what they wrote this one about.

The silver medal goes to the fab four.

Everything these four incredible people achieved together, every album they released, every record they broke (that’s destroyed) simply added to their mythos.

The Beatles aren’t a band anymore, people, they’re practically a religion.

If you had the unenviable task of choosing a magnum opus album-wise, then Sgt Pepper makes a fabulous case for itself. It’s my personal favourite, but of course my opinion should play no part in how you choose to discover this band. They were the greatest pop group and the greatest songwriters of the modern age. You all know the stories, believe them. They’re most certainly true.

Sgt Pepper is, to be frank, the Bayeux Tapestry of 20th-century songwriting.

It touches on some incredible subject matter. Some of it is heartbreaking, some of it is exhilarating, all of it is perfection. Where do we even start with this thing? The title track and With a Little Help From My Friends sets the tone and begins to tell a story that spans the entire length of the album. Its a story of overcoming adversity and finding solace in each other, in people you care about. For that to be put so effortlessly into an album is why this one will live forever. It had never been done before, and odds are it will never be done again.

My personal favourite song here though is surprisingly easy for an album that cannot be categorised. That honour goes to A Day in The Life. Up until I discovered the album you’ll see momentarily at number one, this was the greatest song I’d ever heard. Even at 20, the song cracks my top three tunes ever. This is why.

I almost don’t consider this a song. It’s a narrative. A script, if you will. Lennon, McCartney, Starr, and Harrison guide each listener through exceptionally ordinary activities, catching the bus, oversleeping and waking up late for work, watching television.

Therein lies the genius of the piece, because what’s the best way to make a song memorable.

Easy. Make it relevant to everyone all at once.

I feel like the song gives off a profound sense of loneliness as if while you’re listening you’re just drifting, blissfully unaware. But it makes it so strikingly relevant to everything we do collectively in society today. Everyone has these feelings. Everyone knows where The Beatles are coming from.

Truly outstanding songs talk to you. You don’t listen to them as such, they speak to you, and you listen. I think A Day in The Life is the epitome of that. The song will affect each listener differently. But eventually, you’ll realise why it’s so resonant, so incredible. You’ll understand what it means to you, and you alone.

That is what Sgt Pepper as an album facilitates. Each listener will judge it how they see fit, but to me, it is truly almost perfect.

But it isn’t my greatest album of All Time.

This is.

1 – Fleetwood Mac – Rumours – 1977

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqjXn2NflqU

It’s a masterpiece, people.

What do you all know of heartbreak?

Simply, you don’t forget when your heartbreaks.

If you don’t immediately understand the significance of that then odds are you haven’t felt it yet.

Fleetwood Mac were the first band that truly changed my life. Once I understood Rumours it changed my outlook on where the future would take me.

Honestly the first time I listened to it I didn’t understand it. It took a few tries. But one fateful day I started it and everything clicked into place in my head. I was captivated, and sobbing uncontrollably by the end. I knew I wanted a career in music because of this thing.

The album was released in 1977, and it came at a turbulent time in the lives of the members of the band. The married Mick Fleetwood began a torrid and publicised affair with Stevie Nicks, who was married to Lindsey Buckingham. Meanwhile, the other members of the Band John and Christie McVeigh were also on the brink of divorce.

So basically everything was going wrong.

Rumours was the band’s response to the chaos, the eye of the hurricane and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Each song here is more like a thrilling story, and two of the most memorable are Dreams and Go Your Own Way. The incredible thing here is that these two songs are written from the perspectives of Stevie Nicks and Mick Fleetwood respectively.

ABOUT THE SAME ARGUMENT

Dreams is brutal. Nicks’ lyrics tear into an unknown (but known) person who doesn’t want the same things as she does. It’s angry, bitter and painful stuff.

But even with the darkest subject matter, there’s an undeniable beauty to it. The lyric ‘women they will come and they will go’ will undoubtedly tear you to pieces. Its as if Nicks knows she isn’t good enough, but sings through the pain and uncertainty anyway.

The song, and album, almost reminds me of the music played by those brave musicians on the Titanic. They knew the inevitability of the ship going down but played on with courage. This song makes you feel desperately sorry for the circumstances under which it was written, but it will captivate you from start to finish.

But all stories have two sides

Go Your Own Way is the equally spiteful response to the story of Dreams. Fleetwood lays into an unknown (yet known) woman about how he’s feeling. Again the pain telegraphed here will leave you breathless, just as before.

The lyrics here are what makes the song so remarkable. Fleetwood almost begs for forgiveness but doesn’t back down. He tells the recipient that ‘packing up, shacking up’s all you want to do’. That line destroys me because again its a story of how both parties must have known what was coming.

Yet they bravely knew that the show had to go on.

Every song here is much like these two highlights. Just as heartbreaking, just as melancholy and just as stunning. The adjectives I could use to describe this seminal album just go on and on, so I’ll be blunt.

After almost 21 years Rumours is (thus far) the greatest album I’ve ever heard. I hope you find something to love within it too.

So

Deep Breath

Rest those eyes

We made it

It’s been a pleasure, and it’s been a wild ride. I sincerely hope that each person reading this was happy to dive into my head and pick my brain for a few albums.

I may be a professional musician, which means I’m probably biased, but that’s the amazing thing about music. It means different things to different people.

That means each person can react to this list however they want to.

Get listening. It’s been fun