#(look see see the blender isn't even plugged in!!)

[kenziezie]

VILE piece for today (i do not own a blender i apologize if it looks whack)

also i'm editing this, i did not realize this was whump until i was told it was whump, so be aware you will see more of this!! i'm sorry if this is too intense for some people ;v;

[strawberrybasilsorbet]

Jilytober Day 6

Had some time this evening to work on another Jilytober fic! (Edit: Oops, forgot to tag! @jilytoberfest ). Hoping to go back and catch up on the days I missed, but in the meantime, here's my try at today's prompt:

October 6th: Making food together / food disasters

Clearly, something had gone wrong.

James furrowed his brow, staring at the chunks of apple and squash that he'd painstakingly peeled and cubed — by hand! — before dumping them into the tall Muggle goblet. Maybe he'd made a mistake with the plugs?

Around him, the kitchen hummed with the soft crooning of a record player and the clinking of pots and pans. The aroma of thyme, sage and cinnamon filled the air, suffusing the space with the unmistakable scents of Christmas Eve.

Lily and her mother were chatting about a neighbor's upcoming baby shower, occasionally pausing to check a recipe book or put a dish into the oven. James glanced over to make sure that neither of them had yet noticed his mistake, then turned back to the eclectic goblet on the countertop.

He double-checked the plug. It sat in the wall, exactly as Lily had shown him. He looked once more at the switch on the back of the device. It was pointed toward the word "On."

Wasn't something supposed to be happening?

James yanked the plug out of the wall and flicked the "On/Off" switch again. No change. He removed the tight-fitting lid from atop the goblet and peered inside, trying to see if anything stirred. He could see the circle of blades at the bottom, but they didn't move.

There was nothing else for it.

"Um, excuse me. Mrs. Evans?"

"What is it, dear?" asked Lily's mother, looking up from where she had begun to measure out a cup of sugar.

James thought back to his fifth year Muggle Studies vocabulary exams, trying to remember the proper phrasing. "I think that your power might be out," he said.

Lily looked up, and she and her mother exchanged a glance, confused. James cringed internally at the awkward moment. He must have gotten it wrong. "I mean, I think there's something wrong with your eckletricity," he corrected hastily. He gestured at the goblet. "It isn't working."

Mrs. Evans still looked wrongfooted, but Lily smirked. "Having trouble with the blender?"

Even as embarrassed as he felt, James couldn't help but return her smile. "Yeah, seems like it," he replied.

"Did you plug it in?"

"Yes."

"Did you turn it on?"

"Yes!"

"Did you hit the button?"

James paused. "The button?"

"In the front." Lily giggled as James turned back to the device, examining the raised knobs on the base. He always forgot about Muggle buttons, which looked nothing at all like normal buttons, the sort one might use to fasten a cloak. "You have to press the button to make it start, James."

"Right," said James. He looked over at Mrs. Evans and ran a hand through his hair, trying to project confidence. "I know about buttons," he told her. "We covered them in school, I just forgot. I'll get it started now—"

"No, wait! The lid—"

But before James could react to Lily's warning, he had already pressed the fateful button that began the eclectic spell. With a horribly loud whirring sound, the blades at the bottom of the machine came to life, turning with a speed that made the goblet shake. In moments, it had sent chunks of apple and squash soaring through the kitchen — and splashed the chicken stock directly into James's face.

Without thinking, James grabbed his wand from his pocket and cast a Body-Bind curse on the machine. He'd mostly done this on impulse — he hadn't been at all certain that it would work — but the machine froze, salvaging most of the ingredients inside. He flicked the switch to "Off," then removed the curse.

James turned sheepishly back toward Mrs. Evans, who looked as if she were caught between amusement and disbelief. After a moment, amusement won out, and she laughed warmly before handing James a towel from a drawer.

"That's alright, James, dear," she said. "Why don't I take over the soup for now, and you stir up the batter for the pudding?" James nodded, switching places with Mrs. Evans to join Lily at the table. He wiped the stock from his face. "Can you double-check the roast, love?" Mrs. Evans asked her daughter, grabbing some more apples to replace what had been lost. Lily nodded and turned to the oven.

Putting the towel aside, James picked up a wooden spoon to work on the pudding. He hoped his face wasn't too red.

Gripping the spoon awkwardly in his hand, he began to mix the sugar, chopped cranberries, flour and molasses together in wide circles. This was only his second time meeting Lily's parents —the first had been on the train platform as they arrived home for the holidays — and his first time visiting a Muggle house. He'd been so proud to be invited to Christmas Eve dinner, and when he'd offered to help, he'd been hoping to show the Evanses that he could fit in — to make a good impression. But the sheer number of strange devices and loud sounds to remember had overwhelmed him, made it difficult to keep Lily's instructions fixed in his head. He hadn't meant to use magic. Not, James grumbled internally, that he'd been doing so well without it...

James's spiraling thoughts were interrupted by a warm hand taking his own. His heart stuttered. "Hold the spoon like this," Lily said, stepping in to rearrange his grip. "Like a wand. You'll have more control, and you'll be able to whip the batter faster."

James could think of nothing but the warmth of Lily's hands over his own. She stood so close that he could have counted her freckles without his glasses.

The sudden din of eckletricity made him jump. Mrs. Evans had managed to fix the issue with the eclectric goblet (The blender, Lily had said? Or was he thinking of a fender?). After a few moments, the apples and squash were pulverized into a thick, liquid mixture. It looked as though the soup was saved.

"There," Mrs. Evans said with satisfaction, turning back toward Lily and James at the table. Her lips quirked upward, and Lily took a quick step back.

"I was just showing James how to hold the spoon, Mum," Lily said, reddening. "He doesn't mix batter often, since wizard families usually use spells for cooking..."

Mrs. Evans, who had looked skeptical of her daughter's excuses, turned toward James with interest. "Really?"

James nodded. "Oh, yeah, we always use magic to cook at my house."

"Well, isn't that the most exciting thing!" She looked impressed. "Could you show me?"

"He can! He's seventeen, too!" said Lily eagerly. That was right — she'd said that her mum was interested in magic. It was her sister that was the problem...

James ran his hand through his hair, which (to his embarrassment) was still wet with chicken stock. Lily's mother was watching him expectantly. This was his opportunity to make up for his earlier fumbling, James thought, drawing his wand. He tried to remember the spell for stirring. He'd seen the wand movement so many times...

The cranberry batter exploded in his face.

The kitchen was silent. James blinked, covered in food for the second time in a row. "Um. Usually my mum does it."

Mrs. Evans burst into loud guffaws, and suddenly, James felt lighter than he'd been all afternoon. "Of course she does," Mrs. Evans said. "Nothing new under the sun. Let me grab you a towel to clean up, dear..."

"Thank you very much, Mrs. Evans," James said. As she bustled from the kitchen, he turned back toward the table, wondering if he should measure out ingredients for a second batch.

As Mrs. Evans footsteps grew quieter on the stairs, Lily stepped close to James once more. "Very smooth," she whispered in his ear. In a quick movement, she licked some of pudding batter from his cheek and kissed the skin underneath. James blushed.

Lily walked back to her side of the table, eyeing James with mock thoughtfulness. Cranberry juice and molasses stained her mouth like lipstick. "The batter's okay," she said, grinning. "Let's add more sugar this time."

[dgcatanisiri]

Know I pretty much wrote this same post about a week ago, but it IS still a major topic of discussion, so it bears repeating. And in repeating, I get to expand a little.

I really wish we could have the good faith discussions/debates about how to use the "AI" tech (quotes because yeah, we all know it's not artificial intelligence, it's mostly just art theft plugged into a computer blender). Because I can see how there is at least room for finding the ethical way of utilizing it for positive purposes. There are ways that something good could come of this stuff.

IF we had the right safeguards in place. And that's a pretty big if, considering that tech bros pushing this stuff as "the next big thing" in the same way they did NFTs and crypto and the blockchain and the metaverse and every other big tech cam in like the last five plus years and the Hollywood studios who are basically trying to use "AI generation" to replace writers and actors so that there are fewer people to cut in to the profits have pretty much poisoned the well on this.

Like, obviously, we do have voice actors speaking out against it now, so let's just remember that this is a hypothetical from the "arguing in good faith" universe, but I could see how game mods with voice generation could be a net positive - you get to allow people to expand their favorite games and actually involve the characters, you could have cut, unfinished, and deleted scenes and dialogues restored in full (like, as a Knights of the Old Republic fan, I'd love to see the full KOTOR 2 endings restored in some fashion beyond just the restoration mod), as a queer gamer, I'd love to have proper romance mods allow me to romance characters without gaps of silence or the odd misgendering... I see how this could be used for positive purposes.

(Since I mentioned the voice actors speaking against it, I do feel bound to acknowledge that there's also good reason that they are, since their voices are their acting tool, and if they don't have a way to maintain control of the use of their voice, then they lose access to their livelihood - the examples I gave were purely in the realm of fan created content, not something that destroys and replaces the demand of the voice actors as paid talent.)

And there's the fact that, as a Star Trek fan, I DO see this stuff as basically a stepping stone to the creation of holodeck technology, something that I certainly wish I could live to see be a reality.

I'd like to come up with more hypothetical good faith uses of this tech beyond that example, but the reality is that there's just no reason to believe that the good faith is there, at the very least as the tech is being put out there as it is now. Any good faith argument is centered in the idea of it being something done as an individual use, or drawing from donated or public domain works, rather than destroying or replacing the involvement of the actual artist.

And the pushers of these things are just looking at them at best as a way to keep from paying people for their work, and at worst to effectively justify trapping people in the work of mindless misery menial work because the thing that they could be doing instead of making dimes for their employers is being automated, rather than the things no one actually wants to do. And without that good faith in the conversation, without any reason to believe that the people who would be most profiting off this tech can, could, or would use it responsibly, that discussion cannot even begin to take place, let alone come to solutions.

Y'know, it's the basic "this isn't an inherently bad idea, except it's an idea that is being produced while existing under capitalism" issue.

[newmediaoldideas]

Asteroids and Niagra

To make the Asteroid belt, as per Paul's suggestion, I looked into particle systems in Unreal. Here they are called Niagra and are extremely powerful.

I found a quick start with Niagra on Unreals forum.

1 - Setting Up Your Project

For the duration of this guide, use the Blueprint Third Person Template project with Starter Content enabled. If you have not created a project in Unreal Engine, see Create a Project.

Launch Unreal Engine from the Epic Games Launcher.

Click Games, then select the Third Person Template. Enable Starter Content.

If needed, Browse to a new Project Path.

Give your project a Project Name.

Click Create to create your project.

Click image for full size.

Before you start creating your Niagara effect, you need to set up your project with some basic materials and assets that you will be using in the rest of this guide. After you complete this section, you will have everything you need to create your Niagara effect.

Create or Import a Mesh Shape

The first thing you need for your project is a mesh shape for your effect. The shape you want to create or import is a cloud. There are a few ways of bringing in a mesh object into Unreal Engine:

Create your model in the 3D software of your choice, then export it as an .fbx file to easily import it into Unreal Engine.

Browse for a free cloud model on a site like Sketchfab, then import it into Unreal Engine.

Model the cloud directly in Unreal Engine using the Modeling Mode tools.

Create or download a cloud model similar to the following.

Click image for full size.

The cloud asset used in this tutorial is from Sketchfab. This model is called CLOUD high poly, created by and copyrighted to gaelinix. This model is licenced under the Creative Commons Attribution license.

You can download the model here.

You can also model your own cloud. Even if you do not have access to a high-end 3D modeling application like 3DS Max or Maya, you can use an open-source 3D modeling application such as Blender.

Once you have the model created or downloaded, create a place to store that model in the Content folder for easy organization.

In the Content Browser, right-click and select New Folder to create a folder for your assets. Name it Cloud.Click image for full size.

Drag and drop your 3D model into the Content Browser to import it into your project.

For more information on how to import your model into Unreal Engine, see Importing Content.

Create and Configure a Material

When you imported your cloud model, Unreal Engine may have created a Material for that model automatically. If not, you must create your own.

Right-click in the Content Drawer and select Material. You can skip this step if Unreal Engine imported a material when you imported the model.Click image for full size.

Name the new material CloudMaterial.Click image for full size.

Double-click the material to open it in the Material Editor.

With the main Material node selected, locate the Material section in the Details panel. Change the Blend Mode to Translucent. Check the box for Two Sided. Leave the other settings at their default.Click image for full size.

If you imported a model and you are using that material, there may already be something connected to the Base Color of the material. Delete this, as you will use the Niagara system's Particle Color setting to drive the material's color instead. If your material has nothing connected to Base Color, you can skip this step.Click image for full size.

Right-click in the graph and type particle in the search bar. Select Particle Color to add the node.Click image for full size.

Plug the top output of the Particle Color node into the Base Color input on the main Material Node.Click image for full size.

If you imported a model, it may have automatically created a Texture Sample node and connected it. If there isn't one, create your own. You can do this by holding T and clicking inside the Node Graph.Click image for full size.

You will add some noise from the Starter Content to the texture to make it appear more like smoke. With the Texture Sample node selected, locate the Material Expression Texture Base section in the Details panel. Next to Material, click the dropdown, then type Noise in the search bar. Select the T_Perlin_Noise_M texture.Click image for full size.

Right-click in the graph and type dynamic in the search bar. Select Dynamic Parameter to add that node.Click image for full size.

With the Dynamic Parameter node selected, locate the Material Expression Dynamic Parameter section in the Details panel. In Array 0, change the name to Erode.Click image for full size.

Right-click in the graph and type step in the search bar. Select Value Step to add that node.Click image for full size.

Drag off the R output of the Texture Sample node, and plug it into the Gradient input of the Value Step node.Click image for full size.

Drag off the Erode output of the Dynamic Parameter node, and plug it into the Mask Offset Value input of the Value Step node.Click image for full size.

Drag off the Results output of the Value Step node, and plug it into the Opacity input of the main Material node.Click image for full size.

Click Apply and Save, then close the Material Editor.

Section Result

You have now imported a mesh model of a cloud. You have also set up the material. You are now ready to create the Niagara effect.

2 - Creating Your Effect

Create the System

Next you will create your Niagara system.

Right-click in the Content Drawer and select Niagara System.Click image for full size.

Select New system from selected emitters. Then click Next.Click image for full size.

Under Template, select Simple Sprite Burst. Click the Plus sign icon (+) to add the emitter to the list of emitters to add to the system. Then click Finish.Click image for full size.

Name the system FX_DustCloud. Double-click to open it in the Niagara Editor.Click image for full size.

The emitter instance in your new system has the default name of SimpleSpriteBurst. You can rename it, however. Double-click the name of the emitter instance in the System Overview, and the field will become editable. Name the emitter FX_DustCloud.Click image for full size.If you only have one emitter in your Niagara System, renaming it is optional. However, if you create a Niagara system with more than one emitter, naming them is important for organization and clarity.

Configure the Render Group

The Emitter is set up as a vertical stack, broken up into groups. The default groups in the emitter are:

Emitter Spawn

Emitter Update

Particle Spawn

Particle Update

Render

To find out more about Emitter Groups and how they work, see the Niagara Overview page.

Because you are using a 3D model to generate the effect, you need to set up the Render group first in order to see the preview.

In the System Overview, select Render to open the Render group in the Selection panel.Click image for full size.

Because you are using a 3D model, you need a Mesh Renderer and not a Sprite Renderer. Click the Trashcan icon to delete the Sprite Renderer. Selection panel.Click image for full size.

With the Render group selected, in the Details panel, click the Plus sign icon (+). Select Mesh Renderer from the list to add this module to the Render group.Click image for full size.

For Facing Mode, click the dropdown and select Velocity.

Click the triangle next to Meshes to expand the array. This array is where you can add one or more mesh objects to the renderer. Click the dropdown next to Index (0) in the array, then select the mesh you imported in the Project Setup section.Click image for full size.

Click to the checkbox Enable Override Materials. You can then specify the material to apply to the mesh. The default is 0 Array elements. Click the Plus sign (+) icon to add an array element.Click image for full size.

Click the dropdown next to Explicit Mat, then select the material you made in the Project Setup section.Click image for full size.

From the Content Browser, drag your Niagara system into your Level. Position it near the foot of the Player Character, so you can check the size and shape of the effect in relationship to the character.

When you make a particle effect, it is always a good idea to drag your system into your level. This gives you a chance to see every change and edit in context.

Section Result

After completing this section, you have a Niagara system and an emitter instance, and you have dragged the system into the Level so you can preview it next to the Player Character. In the next part, you will edit the settings in the Niagara system to create the dust cloud effect.

3 - Editing the Module Settings

The Niagara Editor displays each emitter as a stack, with several groups of settings. You will edit the modules in each group one at a time.

This effect does not have any modules in the Emitter Spawn group, so you will skip that section. For more information on the different groups and what they do, see the Niagara Overview page.

Configure the Emitter Update Group

First you will edit the modules in the Emitter Update group. Modules placed in this group will update every frame as the system ages.

In the System Overview, click the Emitter Update group to open it in the Selection panel.Click image for full size.

Expand the Emitter State module. By default, the Life Cycle Mode should be set to Self.

Change the Emitter State settings to the following values. This will give you a dust poof that appears once and then dissipates.Click image for full size.ParameterValueLife Cycle ModeSelfInactive ResponseCompleteLoop BehaviorOnceLoop Duration ModeFixedLoop Duration1

Expand the Spawn Burst Instantaneous module. Set the Spawn Count to 10. A spawn count of 10 gives us a dust cloud that is big enough to be visible, but small enough to be plausible.Click image for full size.

Configure the Particle Spawn Group

Next, you will edit the modules in the Particle Spawn group. These are behaviors that apply to particles when they first spawn.

In the System Overview, click the Particle Spawn group to open it in the Selection panel.Click image for full size.

Expand the Initialize Particle module. Under Point Attributes, locate the Lifetime Mode dropdown. Use the dropdown to select Random. This adds Minimum and Maximum fields to the Lifetime value. This will add some variation in how long each particle displays. Set the Minimum and Maximum fields to the following.Click image for full size.SettingValueMinimum.4Maximum.6

Locate the Color setting. In the example, the Color is set to a light tan color that looks like dust. Click on the color swatch, then use a color picker to choose a color. This value is saved to Particle Color, that you already connected to the material in the Project Setup step.Click image for full size.

You will add some variation to the size of the particles by adding a random factor to the mesh scale. Under Mesh Attributes, locate the Mesh Scale Mode dropdown. Select Random Uniform. Set the following values for Mesh Uniform Scale Min and Mesh Uniform Scale Max.Click image for full size.SettingValueMesh Uniform Scale Min1.0Mesh Uniform Scale Max2.0

With the Particle Spawn group selected, click the Plus sign icon (+) to add a new module to this group. Select Orientation > Initial Mesh Orientation. This contains rotation settings for your particle mesh. You want to add some rotation to the shape so it is less uniform. This will make the dust cloud look a little more natural.Click image for full size.

Under Rotation, click to enable initial rotation in the module. Click the downward arrow next to Rotation, then select Dynamic Inputs > Random Ranged Vector.Click image for full size.

Minimum and maximum values generate a random factor to the initial rotation. Leave the Minimum and Maximum values at their default.Click image for full size.

With the Particle Spawn group selected, click the Plus sign icon (+) to add a new module. Select Location > Shape Location. The Shape Location module lets you set a region in which new particles are created when they are born.Click image for full size.

For this example, set Shape Primitive to Cylinder. You can experiment with different shapes in future examples depending on the look you want to achieve. For now, you want the dust cloud to stay close to the ground, so change the Cylinder Height to 1. You do not want the dust cloud to be too much bigger than the foot, so change the Cylinder Radius to 10.Click image for full size.SettingValueShape PrimitiveCylinderCylinder Height1.0Cylinder Radius10.0

With the Particle Spawn group selected, click the Plus sign icon (+) to add a new module to this group. Select Velocity > Add Velocity. When you add velocity in the Particle Spawn group, it adds an initial velocity to the particles at the moment of their birth, at the specified speed.Click image for full size.

Set the Velocity Mode to From Point. This will apply velocity radially outwards from the origin point of the Niagara system. Set the Velocity Speed to 20. you do not want the particles to spread too far, just enough to represent dust that is disturbed by the runner's footsteps. You can adjust this value as needed to achieve the look you like.Click image for full size.

With the Particle Spawn group selected, click the Plus sign icon (+) to add a new module to this group. Select Forces > Acceleration Force. You are going to use this to give the dust cloud a small amount of upward momentum, so the dust cloud spreads out and up from the character's footstep.Click image for full size.An error displays after you add a velocity or force module, because added modules are always positioned at the bottom of the group's stack. That positioning places them after the Solve Forces and Velocity module. All velocity and force modules need to be placed above the solver to be properly computed.

Click Fix Issue to resolve this error. Alternatively, You could manually move the module above Solve Forces and Velocity by dragging it up in the stack.Click image for full size.

In the Acceleration Force module, set the Acceleration to X:0, Y:0, and Z:200. Now the dust cloud spreads out and up, but the upward momentum is a little too much. In the Particle Update step, you will add drag to slow down the upward momentum of the dust particles on each frame.Click image for full size.

This was a bit hectic but again a wonderful learning experience.

[redorich]

Techno asker here! I have missed today's stream... Thank you so much for that plug though, it was a great read! I got to learn a new word too - asymptote.

English isn't my first language, and I covet more of the secret words it holds yet hidden from my grubby little gremlin hands.

Now I'm really looking forward to reading more of your Willbour and steal from his vocabulary. Perhaps, if you are up for it, when we see him coming to terms with his newly re-invigorated self and the memories that brings with it? Perhaps when he is on the hermitcraft server? Perhaps?

(Mammon is my sin..)

dude i’m gonna be real with you, your english is like 10 times better than most native speakers. you use cool words like “covet”, and your syntax is unique, but in a correct way?? who the hell granted you the right to be so smart

-------

Wilbur revives in the hot dog van. He isn’t sure what he does and does not remember.

All at once, it hits him. He sees flashes behind his eyelids, flashes of pushing the button, of making Techno and Tommy fight in a pit why did he do that, of the Final Control Room. He clutches his chest-- he’s wearing his yellow sweater again.

He hears his name being called by three different voices: two English, one American. They know what he did, they’re coming for him--

“He’s in the van!”

Wilbur looks around desperately for a place to run. He’s got no tools to dig and hide with, can’t leave the van or he’ll be seen. The door opens.

It’s Dream. Eleven and a half stacks of TNT.

“Hey, hey,” Dream says with a hint of a smile. “Calm yourself, have a carrot.”

He tosses Wilbur a handful of carrots. They fall on the floor and roll away. Wilbur pulls himself into a kneeling position. (When had he fallen down?)

“I want to be alone right now,” he says.

“No, you don’t,” Dream responds.

Wilbur bangs his fist on the floor, ever one for dramatics. His hair falls wildly in his eyes and Dream is uncomfortably reminded of Wilbur’s dishevelled-bad-boy look, as Dream had privately called it when Wilbur was leading Pogtopia. Now, Dream recognizes the look as pure instability, spilling over into the man’s physical appearance.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Dream says for a lack of anything else to say.

Wilbur seems to take Dream’s discomfort and quietness as a cue to spill everything in his mind. He’s hysterical, like an over-full blender running without its top on.

"My death was just and everyone rejoiced. I’ll-- I’ll do it again, you know. If you keep reviving me, I’ll go insane again and again, and hurt people and destroy because it’s all I do! It’s what I was made for, Dream! If you care about this server you’ll kick me out and leave me to rot all alone in some singleplayer world. Everything I touch turns to ash. They’re all better off without me.”

Dream crosses his arms. “Have you already forgotten why you asked me to revive you in the first place? I thought the whole point of all this is that you’d stop forgetting things. Like your brother.”

“Ah,” Wilbur flinches. “He’d... I’d only hurt him more. Drag him into my schemes, once I inevitably lose sight of my morality again.”

“So you won’t even try?” Dream scoffs.

“Like you care about Tommy,” Wilbur spits, suddenly acerbic. “I remember his death now-- or rather, the moment we believed he was dead. I saw the tower he was meant to have jumped off of, I remember the way he looked at the lava ocean. You did that to him.”

Dream cringes. Leave it to Wilbur to pinpoint his nightmares and speak them aloud. The van’s door slams open, and in marches Tommy, followed closely by Tubbo.

“Tommy--” Wilbur blanches. There’s no way that the two teens didn’t hear at least part of what he’s just said.

Tommy sticks out his hand to Wilbur, who stares at it blankly. Tommy shakes his hand in front of Wilbur’s face. Ah. Now he understands. Wilbur takes the hand in his own and allows his little brother to haul him to his feet.

Wilbur stiffens when arms wrap around him. Unbidden fat tears roll down his face. He glues his eyes to the ceiling in an attempt to stop crying.

“...Why?” he asks. “I’m evil, Tommy. Why are you doing this?”

“You’re not evil.”

Wilbur chokes on the lump in his throat. “It’s-- it’s my fault. Everything. My baby brother died... Why don’t you blame me?”

“Well, that’s a bit selfish of you,” Tubbo says lightheartedly. “Hoarding all the blame for yourself. I’m the one who exiled him. Dream’s the one who told me to do it, even if there was some possession fuckery going on,” he nods to Dream. “Technoblade’s the one who summoned two withers. No one’s free of guilt here. Deal with it.”

They all fall silent.

“Oh, does this mean that Wilbur’s getting a Hermitcraft-therapy-house-building-vacation now?”

Wilbur, Tubbo, and Tommy all turn to stare at Dream.

“What?” the man in question demands sheepishly. “Tommy got one, I got one. I assumed Wilbur was next.”

Wilbur starts laughing. It’s contagious; they all laugh with a tinge of unnamed emotion and just can’t stop, even though it wasn’t that funny.

“I think I’ll stay here for a while,” Wilbur finally says. “I need to stop running away from the things I’ve done.”

Tubbo puts his hand on Wilbur’s shoulder. The president of L’Manberg is two-thirds of Wilbur’s age and nearly a foot shorter. The gesture is comforting nonetheless.

[revchainsaw]

You're Next (2011)

Greetings Flock! Reverend Chainsaw here with another film review to feed your souls. Parishioners of the Cult of Cult should be familiar with todays offering, and that is good news for you shall find your hearts strangely warmed. Please join me as we dive into the Book of You're Next and renew our devotion to the Trinity that is The Tiger, the Lamb, and the Holy Wolf.

The Message

You're Next is definitely a tough film to review. For a movie as young as it is to have had such a strong and committed following speaks volumes and I believe you would be hard pressed to find a review by anyone who loves horror that is down on the film. While it can sometimes bring me great joy to review the awful films of the world, occasionally it is a pleasure to give honor to those films which deserve it.

You're Next is a film which fits neatly into both the Slasher and Home Invasion genres. The story centers around a vicious assault on a wealthy family by 3 masked men, all on the evening when our heroin, Erin, is meeting them for the first time. Avoiding the Slasher genre trope of generic murder lambs we are yet again faced with an excellent cast where not even the early victims are forgettable.

The movie opens with the grizzly murder of the Davison's nearest neighbors by our animal masked assassins, insuring that should anyone attempt to flee they will not be finding help any time soon. Then we get one hell of a title card before we find Paul and Aubrey Davison preparing to have their children and their respective partners over to their home to celebrate their anniversary. Aubrey is played by Re-Animators own Barbara Crampton. Foremost among the children visiting are their son Crispian, a college professor, and his Australian girlfriend Erin, who was once his T.A. This is a source of contention for Crispian when his siblings judge the professional nature of this relationship.

Two by Two the Children arrive. It is off handedly mentioned that the Davisons money comes from defense contracts, and that the family dynamic is particularly strained. An arrow from a cross bow pierces the window during a particularly tense dinner, and then the film enters full force into unyielding action. There are characters murdered by arrows, a gruesome slice to the jugular by some sinisterly placed piano wire (during what was ramping up to be a daring escape from the home), and of course axe murders.

Crispian manages to escape into the night abandoning Erin and his remaining family. At this point, Erin, who is revealed to have been raised on a survivalist compound begins to fight back. Erin goes full Home Alone on the invaders, and the hunters soon become the hunted. After Erin kills one of the villains It is revealed through the course of the night that the murder of the Davison family is an inside job. These men are paid assassins and they were hired by Felix and his gothy girlfriend Zee, whose macabre tastes include being sexually aroused by dead bodies. Once Erin discovers this fact she dispatches the rest of the animal masked crew as well as Felix and Zee with some very creative uses of kitchenware.

Just as we are about to declare Erin the final girl of this film Felix's phone rings, it's Crispian. When Erin answers Crispian reveals that he was the ringleader, but his weak constitution had caused him to flee the scene. Impatient when he doesn't here Felix on the other end Felix reenters the home to find a bloody Erin. He begs and makes excuses, promising Erin that she was intended to be a witness to the slaughter and was safe the whole time. Erin is having none of it, and ends the relationship once and for all with a stab to the neck.

The film ends with the arrival of the police who upon discovering Erin murdering Crispian set off one of her Home Alone traps and she is set up to be held responsible for the whole affair. Here's hoping we get the court room drama sequel that this movie deserves.

The Benediction

Best Kill: Erin, In the Kitchen, With the Vitamix It's not often in a horror flick that the best kill can be said not to have come from the hands of the monster, but from the heroin. Toward the climax of the film Erin has had enough and she expresses her self in glorious gory satisfaction with a blender to the skull of her lovers brother Felix.

Best Character : T.A. Taking Action Suprise! It's Erin. The best character is Erin. I really wanted to try and say that it was some more obscure character like snarky big bro Drake, but No. It's Erin, it was always Erin. She is the stand out feature of the film. The Lamb, the Tiger, and the Wolf masks were instantly iconic and sold in Hot Topic from the minute the movie made a wide release, but no one comes out of You're Next thinking about the mercenary assassins. We come out thinking about how the lass from the land down under turned the tide against the terribe trio. The audience wants more Erin.

Best Actor: We Came, We Got You, Barbara!

It's just so good to see Barbara Crampton whenever we can. It says something for a person to still be doing the Scream Queen thing for this long. She is not the most likeable character in You're Next but she is selling the fear, the tension and the goals of her character. I think it would be safe to say that the first act would not be nearly as effective without Barbara Cramptons performance.

Best Villain: Zee Nation

Zee was just something else. The Masked Trio of Home Invaders were sort of plug and play. The masks and tactical gear definitely sold the menace, but they were not really characters. They are given some slivers of back story and I don't think that it's really a problem that way. I've been happy with less before. It just sort of means that no one killer stands out in particular. Though the Lamb Mask is my personal favorite. For all the brutish merciless killing these three dole out to the Davison family it's really Zee who makes a splash in my memory. She's absolutely as gleeful as a deadite about all this bloodshed going on around her. She isn't just dark and edgy cuz it's a look, it seems like she really took that aesthetic to heart. The fact that you couldn't tell she'd happily tear your throat out by looking at her certainly makes her a bigger threat than she gets credit for.

Worst Character: Poor Little Rich Kid

All of the characters in You're Next work. Some move from grating to sympathetic, others from charming to pitiful, but at some point every character has a presence and a personality that the viewer can recognize. No Character in this film will receive worst character because they are poorly written, unneccessary, or just obnoxious. However, one character is consistently self-indulgent, cocky, sniveling, and has all the undeserved sense of superiority of a Kevin Smith protagonist, and that's Crispian. Fuck Crispian. He's a bad boyfriend, a bad brother, a bad son, and a bad teacher. He has so much that he doesn't deserve, and earnestly feels he's entitled to more.

Most WTF Moment: Crossing the Line

Was it Crispian's heel turn? Was it Felix stabbing drake? The realization that the family extermination was an inside job? Was it the twist that Erin was a bad ass? What single moment made everyone who's seen this movie go "WHOAH!!!" all at once? When Crispian was attempting to make his exit the first time he proposed he go and get help claiming he's the fastest, to which his overestimation of himself is comedically undercut by the fact that he is in fact out of shape and his sister Aimee used to run track. The family unanimously agrees they would put their lives in the hands of poor Aimee and her athletic past, but they also propose she back up and bolt out the front door the minute they open it up. The music swells, and Aimee makes a run for it. She is stopped short by a piano wire trap set by the mercenaries, as her momentum allows the wire to cut deep and clean into the meat of her neck. She is not decapitated but bleeds out on the floor of the house. It really catches the viewer off guard and is a very impressive effect. Not only is Aimee's kill the most WTF moment, but it is runner up for best kill.

Summary You're Next is hands down my favorite home invasion movie. It's wide appeal is undeniable. As of 2015, You're Next was predicted to be considered the best horror movie of the 2010s. Unfortunately for You're Next but how wonderful for us, the later half of the decade really ramped up the great horror films releases. I wouldn't call You're Next the best horror film of it's time, but it definitely deserves to be remembered. People's enthusiasm for the film does seem to be slowing and I think it would do our congregation a great service for us to continue singing it's praises.

Overall Grade: A