#(literally not gonna happen we all saw it but a girl can dream)

[promiscuousasexual]

marc.

[beuxwhoyouare]

Escaping Holiday Responsibilities

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and all the boys. And who can forget about singing Hanerot Halalu after lighting the menorah. There’s symbols and entities representing all of the holidays. But outside of the season we enjoy our peace and quiet. Sometimes though a season is so rough you can’t really blame an entity for wanting to get away.

I may or may not be Santa Claus. I’d say the best perk about the gig is that when the time comes you’re almost guided to your successor who then dons the classic look. So it’s a give and take. I mean having the power to fulfill lists of gifts you desire is great, but acquiring the look of a tubby bearded old man isn’t all that. The coolest thing though is you may not know it, but just because you don’t write a list doesn’t mean you don’t have holiday desires. I can still deliver gifts based on the list you make in your hearts. Cute as hell right? I’m basically a mind reader!

Before all this Claus business, I was unemployed and recently divorced when I received the call to step into the good ol boots. So a gig is a gig. I took it and ran, but that was like 30 years ago. So now once I retire I’m actually gonna look old and ragged.

So there I was last night delivering gifts at this random place in Chicago. Doing my best to stay quiet, delivering gifts as low key as possible when CRAAAAAACK! I stepped on a large glass ornament I somehow missed. I thought I was in the clear after no one came to check what happened and as I headed on my way out a baseball bat swung at my head.

I took the hit like a champ but when I turned around to see I saw a man standing there in black sweatpants and a sleeveless shirt with the bat ready to swing again.

“Ho ho hey hey wait. I’m literally Santa.” I whisper yelled while showing snowy crystals come out of my glove.

Right as he began to swing again I pulled more tricks out of my hat.

“I know your name is Russell O’Connor. You got a gunmetal tricycle as a 4 year old because you thought the red ones the store had were tacky and wanted to look tough!”

That’s when he stopped mid-swing.

“How-how did you know that pervert? Have you been watching me for years?”

I began to hear his inner list….a young man now in his mid-20s regretting his life decisions to get a girl knocked up as a teen? Interesting. He desires to get away from the so-called mess he made.

“I can offer you a way out of the mess you made. If that’s what your true hearts wish is this Christmas?!” I pleaded to not be beaten once again.

“How do you know what I want freak?”

“Bro I’m Santa, I know when you’ve been like bad or good and whatever. Listen do you want to get away from the mess you made or what?”

“Yes okay but like how are you going to do it? You’re not going to kill me or anything?”

“Honestly no one’s really ever wished for this so I gotta be able to do it somehow. That’s the Santa magic!”

“Okay let’s go for it. Do it! Get me out of here!”

I closed my eyes and rubbed my gloved hands together and then pulled them apart. As I pulled them apart a spark started forming but I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I tried to hold it steady but before I knew it, the spark grew too wild to control. The energy then turned white and exploded.

There was a ringing and we both yelled but then black.

When I woke up I found myself pushing up from a bed? That’s weird I don’t remember finishing all my deliveries. I reached up to scratch my beard but instead of my long luscious white beard a more close shaved beard grazed my hand. Wait where are my gloves? And my beard?

I looked down at the bed I didn’t recognize before looking back up to walk over to a nearby restroom with the night light on. The dim glow painted a picture I couldn’t believe. Surely I’m dreaming?

I fumbled around the foreign room before locating the light switch, only to have the bright lights confirm what I was seeing. I raised both arms and posed….

“No fucking way!?” The cursing surprised me, being a Claus the job prevents your mouth from ever even forming a curse word.

I’m Russell? But the Santa step down process just returns you to your normal self not swaps you with someone? How did this? Could my desires have matched with his conflicting my magics intent?

I lifted the shirt barely hiding anything of my new body I now resided in. Woah…I wasn’t much of a gym person in my former life but maybe there’s reason to be. I mean look at this beef? I reached my muscular hand up to my new proud chest and squeezed. Ahhh grazing my new nipple I revealed a new found sensitivity I never previously had. Looks like that’s going to be fun, I nearly salivated.

I can do adult things again and live a life again! No more having to spend months working to achieve someone else’s dreams. Or maybe I’ll fulfill other dirtiest dreams. I mean this body should go to work somehow.

I’m sure OnlyFans would love to see how thick I am everywhere. It’s time to be a family man settle down the right way and make a good living by selling the best gift I’ve ever given myself.

My new tool hardening nearly pulling down my sweatpants waistband itself. I grabbed it before taking a peak at my new equipment. Ohhhhh looks like I’ll still be delivering gifts to quite a few people in different ways with this beer can.

[redbullgirly]

The Dancer [FA14 smau]

Fernando Alonoso x dancer!reader

Masterlist

Summary: Few months after, everybody laughs when they remember the rumors about Fernando Alonso and Taylor Swift dating. Would they laugh though if they new it maybe wasn't so far from truth as it may seem? Well, one thing's for sure - Y/N and Fernando will laugh very much while soft launching their relationship... and confusing everyone with swiftie content thanks to her job.

Warnings: Maybe wrong dates and timeline of The Eras Tour, but whatever XD.

messages between Y/N and Fernando

fernandoalo_oficial posted on instagram

liked by alex_albon, zhouguanyu24, pierregasly and 562,109 others

fernandoalo_oficial I was taken by the view like we were in Paris... romance is not dead.

view all 4001 comments

user1 i dont think my brain can comprehend so many things all at once😨

user2 right? I'M IN SHOCK

user3 fr fernando wants to give us a heart attack😭

lilymhe I see what you did here...

alex_albon I indeed see what he did here too...😏

user4 guys tell us what he did pls I'm begging youuuu

user5 Alonso soft launching was not on my 2024 bingo card

user6 him soft launching with TAYLOR SWIFT wasn't on MY bingo card 😭

user7 How he's suddenly so hot in the first pic? Like damn sir okay🫢

user8 girlfriend effect is real y'all

georgerussell63 Mate you can't do that to me, I just woke up 😧

user8 lmfao princess georgie is as confused as we are xd

fernandoalo_oficial sorry mate, don't get wrinkles🤞

gerogerussell63 What even is that choice of emoji?

fernandoalo_oficial well, someone is original with an emoji and someone is original with a pose... choice is yours 😃

georgerussell63 Stop it's been almost a year 😭

user9 not them bullying each other💀

user10 Yeah the duo we didn't know we needed

user11 I saw the first picture and almost spat out my drink in shock of such a hot photo of Nando. Then I swiped and literally choked on it because the last think I'd ever expect from his photo dump is a soft lunch of some baddie girl🫣

user12 I am delusional for thinking Taylonso could still have a chance, aren't I?

user13 well i mean you basically answered it yourself so... yeah XD

user14 OMG WHAAAAAAT😱

user15 oh no Fernando is not single anymore💔

user16 I think I accidentally teleported into some alternative universe... what is thiiiis?

user17 REAL

user18 fuck me this man seriously used lyrics from paris by ts💀

user19 Idk why but I kinda like this new side of Fernando😻

twitter

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by taylorswift, fernandoalo_oficial, carmenmmundt and 5,234 others

tagged: taylorswift and 9 others

yourusername crazy performance, even crazier night out and the most crazy training the day after... I call that the life of a dancer😻🎉 also my head and heart did go vroom vroom after the second pic

view all 218 comments

taylorswift I call that the eras tour life!💗

yourusername yes ma'am!

user1 damn she got our queen Taylor replying to her posts... how does it feel to live my dream?!😭

yourusername amazing! 🥰

user2 such a shame my mum didn't force me to try dancing when I was little... I could have been at podium next to Taylor Swift right now 😃

liked by the author

user3 You are such a good dancer, the shows wouldn't be the same without you Y/N!

yourusername omg thank u sm I really appreciate that!!🥹

user4 sooo... are we gonna just ignore Fernando in the likes or what???

user5 THAT'S WHAT I CAME HERE TO SAY

user6 fr I need some crazy detective from twitter to figure this out😫

carmenmmundt Hey, could you give me and lilymhe vip tickets...?

yourusername I mean... everything can be done 😏 I'll just need to ask mother Taylor bc I just used my plus one at the last concert🫡

lilymhe OH MY GOD WE LOVE YOU Y/N

yourusername I love you girls as well, we have to finally meet sometimes!!!

carmenmmundt Yeah, I think we'll have chance at the end of February at the latest😉

user7 WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE

user8 Omg are they hinting Y/N at the Bahrain GP?? F1 season starts at the end of February right?!

goergerussell63 Well hello there, nice to meet you Y/N... given the fact my dear girlfriend doesn't care about me, could you give me and alex_albon vip tickets as well?😊

alex_albon Yeah Y/N we are very big fans😊

yourusername everything for the guys that go vroom vroom🫡

alex_albon Like your heart

yourusername exactly!

user9 I AM FREAKING OUT

user9 MY BRAIN HURTS FROM HOW MUCH IS GOING ON

user9 WAIT FUCK I THINK I GOT IT

user9 AAAHHH I FEEL LIKE SHERLOCK MF HOLMES

twitter & messages between Y/N and Fernando

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by selenagomez, fernandoalo_oficial, francisca.cgomes, astonmartinf1 and 8,234 others

yourusername preparing for the next season🤞

view all 1,029 comments

user1 y/n is literally living my dream life rn

georgerussell63 Oh no... he infected you with that emoji, didn't he?

yourusername we'll never know... maybe I infected HIM with it

gourgerussell63 I think higher of you and your taste in emojis

yourusername aww thanks princess georgie how sweet🥰

georgerussell63 I take it back

user2 HELLO?! what is happening💀

dancer1 excuse me little miss y/n... is that a man i'm seeing?🤨

yourusername well... maybe

dancer2 Be fr she's trying to soft launch him for like a month now😭

dancer1 okay i'm calling you rn STAY WHERE YOU ARE

user3 Guys why's nobody talking about the paddock pass in the 5th picture!!!!

user4 omg that's a PADDOCK PASS?😱

user5 yeah it is I noticed it thanks to this comment

user6 Wait... does that mean her and Fernando have been together longer? Because she already went to a race before the winter break??

user5 idk girl we don't even know for sure she's really dating him😓

user6 idgaf about who's dating her bc even without bf y/n's sooo hot like damn... mommy🥵

user7 I'm so confused... is this Alonso's girl or not?

user8 trust me user7 - we'd all like to know that😭

user9 😍

yourusername and fernandoalo_oficial posted on instagram stories

yourusername story has been seen by taylorswift, lance_stroll and 13,634 others

fernandoalo_oficial story has been seen by charles_leclerc, astonmartinf1 and 308,003 others

user1 replied to yourusername story: is that an f1 driver there y/n

dancer1 replied to yourusername story: Hope he'll not disappoint me in person when you talked about him sm 😒

yourusername ohhh trust me you'll love him just as I do🥰

dancer1 omg bleeeeh I hope not 🫣

user2 replied to yourusername story: your friends are so pretty😩

taylorswift replied to yourusername story: When you'll take him to get my approval??

yourusername soon taylor, soon... I'm just afraid it'll break the internet lol

taylorswift I think we're used to that already with Travis at this point😂

yourusername true😭

fernandoalo_official replied to yourusername story: 🔥

yourusername it's going to be okay, they'll love you 🫶

fernandoalo_oficial how did you know I was nervous amor?

yourusername I saw you literally shaking when you left to the bathroom love...😹

yourusername oh they're back come quickly!!💞

fernandoalo_oficial onmw

user3 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: IS THIS THE CONFIRMATION WE NEEDED?!

user4 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: I see what you're doing here old man 👀

user5 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: soft launch slowly turning into a hard launch and I'm here for it!!!!

dancer1 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: I guess you aren't that bad in person...

fernandoalo_oficial 😁

user6 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: screaming crying throwing up

taylorswift replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: You better treat my best dancer right Alonso!🤍

fernandoalo_oficial of course ma'am! 🫡

user7 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: So cute!!😍

messages between Y/N and Fernando

fernandoalo_oficial posted on instagram

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri, f1, yourusername and 601,239 others

tagged: yourusername

fernandoalo_oficial All these people think love's for show but I would die for you in secret... #swiftie

view all 6,022 comments

yourusername I'd just like to make it clear to everybody that it's me who made him be swiftie... you're welcome💋

liked by the author

user1 OMG THE LYRICS FROM PEACE BY TAYLOR

carmenmmundt Y/N is so pretty!😍

yourusername ohh carmen ilysm you're even prettier🥹

user2 No way Fernando just really har launched his gf😭

f1 We smell a new wag!

user4 LOL you're kinda late for that admin xd

user5 Congrats and wish you well world champ!💪

user6 can we talk about how gorgeous she is???

lilymhe double date when honey?

yourusername anytime babeee!!!

fernandoalo_oficial why do I have a feeling me and alex_albon will be third-wheeling on you two?🤨

alex_albon you'll eventually get used to third-wheeling your own girlfriend and her friends, trust me fernando...🤠

user7 This girl is like a goddess, I can't even blame him ❤️🔥

user8 mommy & daddy

georgerussell63 Finally! Congratulation on the hard launch mate👍

fernandoalo_oficial and look who's original with emojis now...😂

user9 from now on this is my fav couple

user10 mine to

user11 SHUT UP THE DELULU GIRLIES ON TWITTER WERE RIGHT

lance_stroll 💚💚

user12 nah I don't know what he see in her🙄

user13 Go away we don't want the jealous haters here 🥱

kellypiquet Welcome to the F1 family yourusername!🤍

yourusername thx!💞

user14 i call this couple goals

user15 I'M SO READY FOR BOYFRIEND MATERIAL ALONSO

user16 I can already feel he'll be so hot in his new era 😩

user17 lmao nando in his swiftie and stlutty era as someone on twitter said😹

yourusername swiftie and slutty era? i like the sound of it😏

user16 not y/n reading all the comments sipping over her bf 💀

liked by yourusername

THE END

Author's Note: Hello everyone, hope you liked it! I'm not sure you should get used to me posting so often, but let's say that after Lance's social media au and the great feedback I had so much motivation... plus I'm sick, so I actually have the time to write and create XD. Anyway, I'll be glad for likes, comments, reblog and every other way of showing support! Have a great day and let me know how you liked Nando and swiftie dancer together!

[lovelyjj]

💔

part 2

part 1

There you were with another guy, laughing, and JJ felt like he got shot in the lung and then the heart, repeatedly. You looked so happy and like you moved on. JJ was gonna kill this guy. How dare he touch what’s his. But you weren’t his anymore. JJ felt his heart actually break in half. He screwed everything up and he lost you.

JJ woke up in a panic. He had a terrible terrible dream. He instinctively reached for you but you weren’t there. That’s when he started to panic again. Where have you gone? Then he remembered what happened last night. And then he remembered you went to sleep on the couch. Unfortunately for JJ he was in the dog house.

JJ needed to see you or he was gonna go crazy. He got up and went to the living room. He saw you curled up on the couch sleeping peacefully. His heart ached because of what he did. He just wanted to hold you again. He had half a mind just to let you sleep but he knew he needed to fix this.

JJ decided to make you breakfast. He went to the kitchen and got the ingredients for pancakes out. He also made eggs. He prepared the meal and set your place at the table. He then went to the couch and woke you up. “Good morning my love I made you breakfast,” JJ spoke softly and shook your shoulder.

“Mmm,” you yawned and sat up. For a moment you forgot why you were in the couch. JJ smiled softly at you and then it all came flooding back. You frowned. JJ sighed, “Come on just eat something for me please.” You got up without a word and sat at the table and started eating. JJ was gonna take what he can get.

After you ate breakfast you thanked JJ for making it. That didn’t mean you forgave him though. “Can we talk?” JJ asked. “What’s there to talk about?” you responded. “Y/N, please.” JJ pleaded. “What?”

“I’m so sorry, let me make it up to you,” JJ reasoned.

“How?”

“Look, sleeping without you was literal hell. I hated it and I never want to sleep without you again. Let me show you how much I love you. Let me fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before,” JJ begged.

You were conflicted. You were tired of being mad but you did love him and that wasn’t going to change. JJ probably felt terrible you knew that and so maybe you would give him a second chance because no one knew you better than JJ. You honestly felt like it would never happen again. Not only did you trust him but you knew he was loyal. It must of been a slip of tongue. We’re you fully ready to forgive him? Let’s see.

“Okay, show me how much you love me,” you replied.

JJ grinned. He felt like he finally got through to you. He ran to you and picked you up in his arms. You wrapped your legs around his waist. He kissed you on the mouth. JJ poured every ounce of passion he had into the kiss. It was heated and messy. He kissed you like you were his lifeline. His tongue entered your mouth and you started french kissing.

JJ took you to the bedroom and laid you down. He carefully undressed you then himself. He kissed your jaw and then down your neck. “I love you so much my beautiful girl,” he mumbled into your skin. You smiled a giddy smile at his words. You ran your fingers down his bare chest and he groaned. “I need you like I need air, please don’t ever leave me,” JJ begged.

“I won’t,” you whispered.

“Good.” JJ kissed down your stomach and you felt your stomach fill with butterflies. You felt your heartbeat faster. JJ always made you feel things. Most of the time he made you feel like you were the only girl for him. “I’m gonna be honest baby, you’re the only one my dick could get hard for,” JJ smirked.

“Oh really?”

“Yes.” “Need to be inside you mama,” JJ announced. You let out a whimper. JJ thought that maybe you need him as much as he needs you. JJ lined himself up at your entrance and you nodded your head signaling for him to fill you up. He entered you slowly and he let out a moan at the feeling. “Fuck Y/N, you feel so good,” JJ cursed. “It’s like you were made for me.”

JJ thrusted in and out setting a good pace. His cock massaged your walls and you felt like you were seeing stars. JJ looked down at where you we’re connected and moaned. He felt euphoric as you sucked him in. “You’re my whole damn world baby girl, i love you so fucking much,” JJ panted.

“I love you too,” you replied. “Wait really?” JJ stopped. “You mean that?” “Of course I do.” “Does this mean you forgive me?”

“Yes I forgive you.”

“Baby you’ve made me the happiest man alive, you won’t regret this I promise. I’m the luckiest person ever, thank you so much,” JJ was ecstatic.

JJ reached down and started rubbing your clit. He could tell you were getting close with the way you were squeezing him. “Let go for me.” A few more sloppy thrusts and the band in your stomach snapped. Your orgasm washed over you and soon JJ spilled his seed inside you. “Fucking hell,” JJ whispered.

“I love you Y/N,” JJ repeated.

“I love you too,” you responded.

“You know I had the worst dream of my whole life last night,” JJ mentioned. JJ laid down and pulled you close.

“Really? What was it about?”

“You were with another guy and you forgot all about me,” JJ cringed at the thought.

“Well that’s never gonna happen. You are stuck with me.”

[toobusybeingdelulu]

The thing I love most about Billy Hargrove is his unpredictability, in a show where we can see every other character’s moves from MILES away. Even those who had the potential to be the most interesting are either side-lined, ignored or return to old patterns (see Johnatan, Will or Steve). Also, they all have one thing in common, even El: they all want to be good. To do good. To be heroes. And I would not find anything wrong with that, if it only weren’t for the predictability of it all.

We see Steve Harrington with the kids in a dangerous situation. What do we assume? That he is gonna throw himself in danger for them, because it’s what he has always done.

We see Nancy Wheeler on the battle field? Then there is a 100% chance she is gonna shoot at something.

Will Byers? He is gonna protect his friends, just like the rest of the party.

Jim hopper? Joyce Byers? Yeah. Same thing.

Billy Hargrove, tho? Jesus. He is introduced to this metal badass song, then the next minute he is taunting Steve Harrington, but not really because here he is, actually giving him good advice and- yeah no, he pushed him onto the ground again. But wait, wait! He actually told him not to worry about the break up because he could basically have anyone he wanted with a face like that… aaaand yeah, he is back to being an ass.

We see him not giving a crap about his sister, yet later he is asking her if a boy has been bothering her. Then he grabs her wrist and tells her very hurtful things, yet he still tries to make it sound like a lesson. Like he had been that road before himself, many times.

We see him being stone cold, with an absent look in his eyes when he is with other people. Then we watch him dancing in his room and smiling as he gets ready for a date, and later we see him crying for the first time ever after being hit by his father. While watching the first minutes of that scene, I did not expect that to happen in the slightest.

We see him fake his concern for max to mrs. wheeler in order to get information, only to watch him refer to her as his sister when he realizes that Steve Harrington might have done something to her.

We have literally seen him trying to scare Max by driving at an ungodly speed, almost running her friends over, and almost killing Steve in a fit of rage, and then in the next season he is using every inch of his strength to protect a girl he didn’t even know from the Mind Flayer. I don’t know y’all, but I did NOT see all of that coming.

And do you know who, after his death, becomes the most interesting ST character among the protagonists? Max. We see a crack in her armour of perfection, thanks to her rocky relationship with Billy: because she had wished him to die, sometimes. I loved that twist, because FOR ONCE I had a feeling that a character among the mains was deeply flawed and human. This is why billy was needed for longer in this story.

He forced the other characters to face their darkest side, their egotistical desires. Steve Harrington enjoyed violence, deep down. He was the one to start the fight, after all. And Billy had forced him to meet that side of himself again.

Max was so fed up with him that she had dreamed about his death sometimes, even tho we all know now that she didn’t mean it.

Karen Wheeler lusted after a boy her daughter’s age, only to be met with shame when she saw her husband and daughter asleep on the couch.

Honestly, all of this to say that Stranger Things can keep its perfect ‘didn’t-do-anything-wrong-aver’ characters, because honestly? I watch tv series to be entertained and surprised, and since Billy died he also took the dynamism of the series with him.

[solarwynd]

Instagram channel, that tiktok profile thing, remix album on the 4th day, 2 extra album versions on Spotify for a total of 4 covers for the title track, Jimmy Fallon performance, Pop-Up store, etc. This is exactly what Muse got. It's clear that Hybe giving these things to Jimin wasn't them playing favorites, it was just their new album release method that they were testing on Jimin first. And Jin got the improved version of this method. 1 extra remix, 1 extra physical album version, 1 extra digital album version, 2 extra single CDs, radio on week 1, etc.

I saw V stans complaining about him being the only vocal line member to not get a remix album, but that's just because he didn't release an album this year, if he did he definitely would've gotten the same things as Muse and Happy. The equivalent of Layover isn't Muse it's Face and Face didn't get more than 2 remixes or any different album versions either. But you know what Layover did get that neither Face nor Muse got? MVs for every song and multiple performances for all those songs.

The reality is that Hybe has never actually given Jimin anything that the other members didn't get too. And often they get better versions of what Jimin got and even things exclusive to them that Jimin was never even offered. What really happens here is that Hybe will use Jimin to test out new types of release and promotion and because he's given these things first he gets all the heat while everyone after him gets away unscathed. Because seriously, tell me one thing Jimin was given that no one else was? Because I can name several things everyone else but him got.

The difference between Jimin and the other 5 members (cause we all know Jungkook is an exception) is not that Hybe gives Jimin more, no the actual difference is that with the same, if not less tools Jimin manages to achieve way more. And Jin is about to prove this. Happy has everything that Muse got plus more versions, multiple stages, probably more than a month of promotion, the artist behind the album not being in the fuckass military and being able to actually promote the album in person or even just acknowledge the album's existence at all. It has all this but you know damn well it's gonna perform way below Muse. Who got a #14 and later a #12 on the Hot 100 with 6 remixes, 4 covers, 1 CD and 0 radio. Running Wild has 7 remixes, 4 covers, 2 CDs and was sent to radio on the first week but you know it won't even see the top half of the chart (if it even enters it at all). And that's not to mention my girl Like Crazy getting a #1 with 5 dollars and a dream. Running Wild will be lower on it's first week than Like Crazy was on it's second and that's what we call karma. The only thing Happy has over Muse is global physical sales. But no wait, Face has more than both and it was Jimin's actual debut album like Happy is Jin's. And both Face and Muse got #2 on billboard 200 while Happy is not even predicted to get a top 5. So yeah, Jin has literally nothing over Jimin.

And I love this actually. I want every member to get everything Jimin got so they can see exactly what the difference between them and Jimin is. The fans of those 5 have been telling themselves that they could achieve everything Jimin did and more if only they were given the same tools and promotion Jimin got. And I want to see it, I want to see they do what Jimin did. I'll even be nice and not include the sabotage Jimin got, they can try to match him without that. I want to see them try and inevitably fail. And I know their fans will come up with excuses nonetheless but I still want to see it.

The only advantage Jimin actually has compared to hyungline is fan support. But unlike Jungkook Jimin's didn't have the company prime the fandom to be his fans. Every fan Jimin has he gained through his blood, sweet and tears (pun fully intend because the number of fans Jimin got with BST cannot be overstated). We all know armys don't fuck with the rapline but Jin is a vocal line member so if he didn't capture people's attention like Jimin did that's no one's fault but his own. Unless you wanna say it's not Hybe, but instead God who favors Jimin and gave him more talent than Jin, which fair enough, Jimin is in fact God's favorite child. And while Taehyung is popular that popularity comes from visual stans and shippers and we all know how well that popularity translated to his music, and by that I mean that it didn't, man is getting outdone by Jin, I would be embarrassed. And Jungkook (who's fanbase consists exclusively of visual stans, shippers, y/ns and psychopaths) would've faced a similar fate if the company didn't work for him harder then they did for even the group. I have said it before and I'll say it again, Jimin has and will always be the only member who's music and performances people actually care about.

.🎯

[ariathelamia]

Hellhound HRT Month 8 (4 Month Wolf , 4 Month Hellhound)

Soooo… It’s me again, and there has been quite a bit that happened here so, let's get started.. (And no, I'm not gonna “write more professionally” for you!).

Okay so, I’ve been discharged from the hospital, my body has built some resistance to the high temperatures, though it’s not really able to handle the highest temperatures for too long yet. At least I don't pass out when I get too happy from eating my favorite meal anymore.

Now to something more troubling… turns out my right leg’s bone ended up growing malformed so they had to re break and fix it together again.. so i’m wearing a full on brace there, and a normal cast on the left one which luckily grew back together well… no idea what caused this kinda unequal thing but uh… not gonna complain of only having one being put back together like a jigsaw puzzle…

Coming back to the heat thing- So… i still can’t breath fire really, but i can sort of… direct the heat towards my mouth and when i bite things.. I can basically cook things in my mouth! 

The Nurses also have to be careful when trying to do blood draws… not only does my thick furr make it hard to find a vein to begin with… but… and I hate to make this sort of public in these notes… I HATE needles… And we all know what happens when I get annoyed…

So yeah I actually managed to heat up a syringe with my blood and the nurse dropped it… it broke and god… steaming blood… kinda glowy too? but the glow disappeared shortly when it cooled down. 

Now to more kinda… crazy changes… one night i just woke up… but the weird part is… even though i still had my eyes closed… I could see… and pretty well too even though the room was dark! I did open my eyes… and I could tell that I saw… more.. you know how when you close one eye, your brain kinda ignores the blacked out part and you still see just in a smaller field of view?... And when you open your eyes that field of view suddenly gets wider…imagine that feeling… just not with two eyes… but 4… that's right, you’re girl got two more eyes, slightly below my first pair… and a little closer to my ears… they are also smaller than the original pair.. like around… 3/4th of the size. It took me like.. an hour before i was able to close them… kinda weird to access muscles you never had before.

My hands are also growing slightly?... well the arms are getting slightly thicker and gaining muscles, even though all i was able to do was sit in the hospital.. I am also able to pull in my claws into my paws! No more accidental gushing wounds!

So yeah that's about all the changes I noticed!

—----------------------------------------------

[The following texts have been written in a separate notebook.]

Started this little side project to keep my thoughts in order when it comes to the eldritch kinda stuff happening… I remember when I mentioned weird dreams to Mars before… she got quite mad… not at me but at my dreams?... Idk… I am going to write them down though… because I feel like doing that is important so I can make sense of what's happening to my mind.

During those two months, the dreams of the Moon continued…

The form I have in those dreams is always pretty similar, but it’s getting more.. defined? 

My body in those dreams is like… mhh..  Like a black silhouette of my body… that's shrouded in thick smoke… barely holding shape.. like one gust would spread me in all directions… I can see… but I can't talk.. I literally don’t have a mouth to do so… at the start i couldn’t hear either but that's apparently different now so i guess.. the more i transition… the more defined my shape gets?.. questions for Mars.

Speaking off, I remember Mars warning me about some tentacle lady-... I wondered if that’s the one I kept seeing in the distance.

Though after one particular night, I KNOW it’s the one…. cause she found me… 

Her name is Nyarlathotep… and she hates my guts apparently.  I’ll try to write down the conversation as best as I can remember it…

“Now look what we have here, finally I reached you before you went “poof” again. And by the look of your eyes, this time you can actually hear me. Tried calling out to you little … thing… but you never seemed to respond.”

(I tried to say something back but… no mouth… urgh. I did however move my arms, gesturing to our surroundings…)

“Oh this? Welcome in Azathoths dream, the dream of my Mother… My name is Nyarlathotep, and YOU… you are an intruder, brought in by that halfling that dares to intrude into our domain. You humans just love to play with things you don’t understand hm? You have no idea what kind of things you are inviting into your life, thanks to HIS ridiculous idea of “help”. That damn halfling is hellbend of ruining this beautiful dream… and now you are here… but worry not, I got just the thing. " 

It was then she held out her hand to me… holding a single pill in her hand that shimmered in an eerie glow. I looked at it but then back at her. She had this grin on her face that would have made my blood freeze if that had been possible at that moment… Her presence at that moment was… similar to Mars… just… different and more concentrated… Was she the same species as what Mars was going to be? 

“Just take this, and all can be normal again. After all that fall of yours surely must have shown you that your transformation is unpredictable? You are simply not cut out to become one of us… not that you ever could… Your body is going to burn itself out and you will simply become nothing but a pile of ash… but all of this can be prevented still. Just… take…this…pill…”

To say I was frightened was an understatement… And I could feel this strange pull towards that pill… my body being drawn to it… my head moving towards it as if something was trying to make me eat the pill straight out of her hand.. 

I didn’t want to- I didn’t believe what she said, I knew Mars wouldn’t have helped me just so I ended up as ashes on the floor-... she warned me from this one-... and yet I was powerless.. my face was just in front of that pill when suddenly.. a glow shined from underneath us… Something grabbed my legs and my head and yanked me away… I could hear Nyarlathotep cursing as I was dragged into the moon itself… And as the glow started to blind me… i could vaguely make out the form of some other being… i don’t know what to make of it.. but it spoke too-... though only a few words before i ended up waking up… “Just in time… wake up, you are safe."

That's when I ended up waking up in my hospital bed… Terrified for my life.. The Fire that shines through my chest illuminated the room in a blue-ish glow… guess that's what happens when I'm afraid. I could tell that the fire was a lot cooler than usual.

But god damn was I afraid to sleep the following nights. 

I didn’t see Nyarlathotep in the following dreams… not that every dream happens on the moon but the ones that do I was just panicking.  Though… one night… I could have sworn I had felt Mars’s presence… far away… I tried to get closer but I ended up waking up after some distance… 

I wanted to call her… tell her from my dreams but guess whose phone is broken thanks to the fall… and i didn’t remember her number… in hindsight could have asked to call the library… but i also didn’t want to talk about this stuff over the hospitals phone line… dunno if they keep recordings or anything… Why am I so freaking paranoid about this!? urgh..

Anyway, now I'm out of the hospital… got an appointment next week with Erian for my 9th month check up, even though I kinda missed the 6th month one but.. bureaucracy. 

But before all that… I really need to talk to Mars… cause I would at least know a little more about that stupid bitch that keeps making me sleep with one eye open… And whatever that glowing thing was.

[End of notes]

—-------------------------------------------------------

[Meeting with Mars]

I decided to go to Mars today. Well “go” is a strong word, i wheeled there.. as in.. a wheelchair. Got me a new phone on the way. The good thing was that the card was still intact, so I was able to plan a meeting. So here I am, at the front entrance of the Thayer library, taking a few deep breaths. I wheeled myself in and approached the counter. 

To my surprise, I did not feel that scared when inside. It felt more.. home-y like. Maybe it’s just me being finally around someone that gets me on a deeper level than the hospital staff. I went up to the front desk, and reached over to ring the Bell twice, waiting for Mars to appear. Makes me wonder if she’s the only one working here? big place for one person.. hmm..

I looked around, I noticed the library had changed, ever so slightly. Arrangement of the displays, the tables shifted in different positions, and a stack of new acquisitions building up on a cart outside of the staff entrance. But one detail caught my eye, the desk that Mars normally sat at had a raised almost organic growth forming on the edges. It was a darkish purple and black structure and seemed to be enveloping her space. 

My scrutinizing of the mysterious growth was broken by the sound of a loud elevator ding. The staff door then unlocked and swung open as Mars, now much taller ducked her way into the reading room. She was nearly 13 feet and developed a boney crown around her head. Her tail was longer, and the unknown appendages on her back that twitched and articulated grew in number. Something else caught my attention, one of her eyes, specifically the top left one was yellow.. not pink. Looking closer I noticed scarring on her eye and around her neck. 

With her entry, the lights of the library dimmed but unlike last time, her presence wasn’t as heavy. The shift in temperature caused my body to steam as she turned her attention to me and looked delightfully surprised.

“Arynia! It’s good to see you again!”.

It took a second for her to process my current state as her expression turned to one of concern. 

“Oh my gosh, are you alright? What happened to your legs?”.

It took me a second to actually process the question after seeing her injuries. 

“Uh-... I had a bit of an accident while running over some rooftops and uh… fell. My new organ decided not to wait to flare up, literally, and I ended up taking a nasty fall… Just got released from the hospital the other day actually.”

I chuckled nervously, but… I could tell it didn’t help to really ease the situation. 

“ Well, long story short i… broke a couple of bones… my legs got the worst of it, probably because they were in the process of changing… and one of them grew together wrong at first- they did manage to fix it however, after getting an animal surgeon for help! Isn’t that kinda-... hilarious?... eh-... ehehe… “

Curse my ears and tail for displaying my actual emotions so well… I didn't even notice my ears were drooped down and my tail nervously clutching my midsection like some kinda belt. 

Mars couldn’t help but smile, she let out a nervous chuckle and gave a reassuring pat on the head.

“You were running over rooftops?” She giggled.

“Such an adventurous pup, but I’m glad you’re doing alright. I hope your legs heal quickly! I can promise you, it took some practice getting used to mine after I hatched”.

Mars raised her arm after giving a gentle scratch and returned to her desk. The growths responding to her presence and pulsing with a purplish light in some of the raised sections. 

“So, what can I help you with? Looking for a book?”

I shook my head and pondered on how to say what I was here for…

“Well… no, I’m actually here to uh… talk to you about some of those… Nightmares I mentioned before?... The Moon ones? Especially about that… tentacle freak you mentioned…” I shrunk together a little, the last time I mentioned that cracking moon to her… it did not go well.

“She uh… found me… or rather reached me…?”

Mars froze, her expression shifting to one of horror as she listened to me recount my dreams. She looked down at her keyboard, her eyes wide and her claws twitching. The library once more felt oppressive, the lights barely able to combat the darkness as both Mars and I were casted in shadow. Mars’s eyes emitted an intense yellow and pink glow as the growths around her began consuming more of her desk and chair. 

I nervously wheeled myself back a little. “It’s uh, good though!... I’m safe! uh… she did seem worried about me?... since she somehow knew about the accident too?... The only bad thing was that she tried to make me eat some weird blue pill right out of her hand-... b- but then some light came from the moon and I got dragged away and woke up! Nothing to worry about-.... right?”

I need to learn to shut up when nervous-

Her head shot up, glaring at me, as her expression turned to one of anger. She ran her claws into the desk, easily cutting through the plywood and leaving a massive gash. Her stare was horrifying, like she was about to lash out at me. I tried to say something but couldn’t help but stammer, desperately trying to ease the tensions of our conversation. Right as I was about to say something, she interrupted, her voice was changed, distorted. She spoke with what sounded like multiple voices at once as she asked.

“You don’t understand… do you..?”

She pushed off the desk, its construction cracking underneath her weight as she stood and glared at me. Her height and piercing glare made it hard to look her in the eyes. Despite my inability, she glared at me with no issue. I felt paralyzed, the chair creaking at the invisible force she pushed down on me with. I gritted my teeth, my chest burning like a desperate flame trying to avoid being snuffed out. It took every ounce of my strength to respond.

“Understand…. what?” I stammer. It’s odd, ever since that flame in my chest started to heat me up, I seem to have forgotten what being cold felt like… I know when I am “less warm”, but not “cold” anymore…  but right this moment I got a stark reminder of it. The tiny blue glow that was still fighting the darkness that seemed to swallow this place grew dimmer and dimmer…

“You’re in danger..”

Mars then kicked her desk, the computer tossed aside and the structure breaking and collapsing as she walked up to me. I tried breathing heavily. The closer she got the less oxygen entered my lungs. Mars’s form began to shift, her head splitting into five mandibles as her foot steps turned into floor cracking stomps. 

“You and I.. we’re different from the rest… we’re being hunted.”

Mars leans in, her back hunching as her appendages crack and raise into an agitated state. She moves in closer, the glow from her eyes becoming too intense as I try to shield them. I couldn’t breath, I tried to compose myself but I couldn’t, I struggled to stay conscious when suddenly Mars gripped my muzzle. I was forced to look at her and then… I was.. there.. the moon… I felt like I was holding my breath when I noticed Mars, standing at the edge of the moon's cracking surface. 

“I’m sorry Arynia… I.. I shouldn’t have done the ritual for you..”

I looked around, it was just us.. did i pass out? How did-... I take a deep breath in, noticing that I finally got a mouth in this darn place-, overall the “smoke” around me was taking on the shape of my real body-... or was THIS my “real” one?... 

I walk up to Mars, stopping shortly behind her. “No! You have nothing to be sorry about Mars! I came to you! This is what I wanted!! You can’t believe how much happiness I feel when I look at myself in the mirror! When I see the real me… You saved me that day… I don’t know how long I could have just… accepted what I was before… if I had never gotten this chance…” 

I stopped myself from talking more… Listening to it brought up one question in my head..

“Is… is me following this path a burden to you?... I mean… just hearing me talk about this place seems to be giving you so much stress- when all of your transformation is already putting so much on you yourself-... Is it selfish for me to go on?... should i just… stop and find another way?”

Tears were building up in all four of my eyes as my voice quivered. 

“I don’t want to be a burden for you… maybe i should have just… taken that pill?... accept what i was and find some kinda way to be happy with it?...”

”Nia.. come here..”

She ushered me forward, closer to the edge of the moon. I took a step, shocked to find no pain or tremble, but a strong leg, ready to move at my command. I took a few steps, the drop off rapidly approaching and revealing the hollow insides of the moon. I was shocked, seeing more and more chunks break away. But as I turned to look in I was horrid to see something looking back. Five pink pupils glared, energy swirling as a low growl echoed into the void.

“I can’t help you Nia.. I want to, but this.. this is my burden..”

Mars shifts her gesture to the eyes as the being shifts its focus back to Mars. I follow the creature's gaze to a sadden Mars, as she sighs and grips her arm nervously.

“I’m.. breaking.. I try so hard to keep this contained, to keep myself from fully breaking. That thing down there, it’s anger, it’s hunger, it’s pain.. is mine.”

She turns to me.

“I can’t help you.. I can barely help myself. That tentacled monster.. it’s called Nyarlathotep.. It's been haunting me for months. It nearly killed me last time we met. I can’t protect you, but there might be someone who can.”

I looked at her in shock- nearly killed her?!... Is that how Nyarlathotep does things-?... 

“I didn’t know…” I sigh deeply, looking at the broken parts falling down…

“Kinda feel like a bit of a wimp now that I know of all the things you went through… and are still going through… just piling up on that with my own bullshit.” 

I turn to face her again, wiping the tears from my face, taking a bit of a shocked look at my fur covered arm in front of me… before I let it fall again to my side. “So, that person you know, where can I find them?”

I balled my paws into fists, as best as I could at least. “I’ll get better, and then you and I are gonna work on that together!” I point towards the falling debris and the glowing eyes. 

“That bitch is gonna have to face not only you but me too now, fuck being scared, i’m not gonna sit in self pity and fear, while the person that safed my life is being tortured by some faceless bitch.”

I tried putting on my bravest face… but I was still shaking somewhat… I guess fear isn’t easily combated by a wanna-be heroic speech.

Mars smiles and gives you a pet on the head.

“You have a big heart, pup, never let anything sour it.”

Mars fully turns and kneels down to be face to face, her features relaxing and returning to its standard state. As she smiles, there’s a shift, the cracking slows, the moon grows stable. 

“You’ll hate it but, she works at Erians clinic.. but she’s helped me and I know she can help you too. Her name is Amber Shepherd.”

I tilt my head and chuckle, enjoying the headpats and giving a smile back. “Ohh! That's great actually~ Got an appointment next week with erian anyway, i’ll make sure to ask for her then!”

After Mars was done ruffling through my hair, I put my hands on my sides and sigh. “So uh- this is your place then huh? Weird how I keep coming here then in my dreams, thought it might be a bit of a gathering point for beings like you… and I assume me now.. it’s… nice, if you ignore the part of a sleeping beast right underneath our feet” I said with a chuckle.

“Though I would love to spend more time with you here… I can’t help but feel hungry so… should probably get going and eat something. Thank you for hearing me out, and reminding me of why I'm doing all this.” 

“I’m happy I could help”.

The world grew fuzzy as I felt a rush and sudden release as Mars lets go of my muzzle. The pain and numbness of my legs returning as I get reacquainted with the wheel chair. Mars shifts back to her original form, her shoulders shifting as she readjust her stance. Mars smiles and turns back to her desk, the area was coated in this spiked bone protrusion. She looked a bit embarrassed and chuckled.

“Ah… that’s right.. how about you run along and grab something to eat, I need to clean up this mess.. but it was good seeing you Nia.”

I look down at my legs and sighed, nodding as I then looked up at Mars again.

“Yeah, it sounds like a plan. Would love to help ya out with that cleaning but… not really capable of that right now. It was very nice talking and seeing you again, Mars, hopefully the next time we see each other will be under happier circumstances!”

I give the huge eldritch woman a wave, and then begin to wheel my way out of the library. 

The adrenaline that pumped through me during this entire situation has made me feel like I’m starving!

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Thank you so much @dawning-mars for coming back in this chapter <3 it was a lot of fun working with you! - Arynia

[hyperref-lex-ia]

lots of common reactions i get as a mute person

all the following are peoples reaction when they assume i am deaf, the most common assumption

- flustered and lifts hands to try and sign and then lowers them when they realize they dont know ASL

- flustered and starts to sputter and talk before settling on mouthing things at me

- mouths “can you lip read”

- talks really loud at me (which wouldnt do much if i was deaf so idk)

- goes to find something to write on

- sometimes if i type on my phone in my notes when i need to say something other than yes or no people will go to literally take my phone from me to type back instead of literally anything else

- signs some of the more common sign, i get thank you a lot (especially in customer service situations, which is where most of these happen)

- if it is someone on the street saying something and they assume im deaf when i sign at them they usually just disregard me which is actually really nice

these next ones are when people dont assume im deaf, which is rarer

- talks to me normal

- talks to me like im dumb

heres a few nice incidents

- guy asked me if i was mute in spanish and i nodded and he asked if i knew spanish and i was like not really lol (live in a heavily hispanic area so i picked up on enough to understand) and he switches to english and shares about a talk he had gone to recently about mutism

- girl working at sonic assumed i was deaf and ran inside just to grab her phone to help me which i thought was really sweet so i just didnt correct her

- just today i was using the self checkout at a gas station and the guy behind the register sees me getting frustrated with the card reader and slides over a piece of receipt paper that says “tap works better” and i am like “i dont have tap” and i decide to just cancel the self checkout and move to him cause hes got good vibes and he holds the bag up and raises an eyebrow allowing me to have a choice in it which i dont often get. when i am leaving he signs “have a good day” super slow and obviously practiced a lot, and the fact that he obviously learned that just in case this happened made me really happy

- every time someone has happened to know ASL in public, its always surprising how many hearing/verbal people know ASL, almost always because they are CODA

- the enthusiastic gay man at my eye doctor who got so excited when he saw i signed even though he doesnt know it, because he thought it was so cool

- every person who goes “oh you speak ASL” and then immediately thinks about thay sentence and kind of 404 errors out as they realize you cant speak ASL

- the tiny middle aged mexican woman who has worked the store at my school the entire time ive been going there who knows me because i always go there for caffeine and snacks, and manages to always communicate with me despite a couple language barriers and will often berate me if i dont get water with my caffeine or if i dont get food, and who also wishes me happy holiday for every holiday that comes around, and was also very visibly worried when i had to rely on a cane for a few months

- my painting professor who always takes so much pressure off because hes so blunt, when i came in with a cane everyone danced around asking about it and he walks in and goes “what the hell happened to you??”, the most recent thing that made me laugh is we were talking and i was using TTS and as we are walking into the studios he goes “im gonna go talk with Ronnie, give your thumbs a break” and then we both started laughing

the worst interaction ive had

- had one of my professors numbers which happens sometimes because it makes life easier and she texted me out of the blue saying she “had a dream she was at my wedding and i spoke my vows” with heart emojis and i did not know this woman at all and i was like…what the fuck…not only is that unprofessional but also ableist

lastly shout out to my friends who translate for me purely off lip reading who dont know ASL

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 10 thoughts

(muffled crying) (sniffing) (conspicuous wiping of eyes) hey guys, welcome back to my liveblog

little did i know! little did past me know what i was getting into when i typed my opening lines below. but presumably YOU, the reader of this post, knew what i was signing up for, so i shall spare my words and just share that i thought it was a VERY VERY good episode, even if it was darker than my usual preference. i tend to like some bantering, but i don't see how bantering could have fit into this one. so let us begin.

i haven’t seen an episode in a few days, which probably explains why this week has been awful. i would wax poetic about how i have missed our agents, but i honestly cannot wait any longer and Need to watch this episode right now. which i think is an emotional one???

(author's note: yeah <3)

i need to TEAR into this, bro. like a bear in a trash can or something.

reading the episode description and this sounds evilllll!!! i still assume everything about samantha is a lie!! it saves time!!

mulder is sleeping… on a BED?? a proper bed?? i can’t tell. it’s so dark. if it is a bed, this is IMMENSE character development.

he sees a red light in the sky :0 and on his walls!! it says “follow” WHAT!!! what does that mean!??

it’s leading him to a car?? wait, he’s at a park? was he camping and that’s why he had a bed? why was he camping? who lured him out here with a laser like a cat… what does “mad hat” mean in this context?

and he is full on chasing this light. i love that for him. the music is super whimsical.

WHAT IS LESS WHIMSICAL is the body of a child sitting in this forest. what the HELL????

okay, tone change, i see you!

but the child sinks into the leaves??

oh girl. they really got me with the whole “it was all a dream" thing, and I FELL FOR THAT!!!

he is actually just sleeping on his COUCH, which i knew had to be the case, because he would NOT use a bed in his apartment. beds are a luxury you only get to experience in motels if your name is fox mulder.

damn, maybe that's why he likes to travel so much... cozy hotel bed... really makes you think

nooo he had a nightmare :( this is sad. he never seems to actually sleep.

he’s gonna find that park he dreamed of and drive there even if it is the middle of the night. in his leather jacket. yes. he means business!!

and he is going to the spot where he saw a body of a child… where now he sees…. dirt 

so the next morning, he’s directing people who are digging stuff up. they look like police

ENTER SCULLY!!!! YAYYYYY :D i cheered!!! she wants to know what’s going on 

“you called for forensic excavation at 5 am on a sunday, what are you looking for?” (he grabs her arm, looking delirious) <- ohhhh i knew after seeing this moment that this episode was gonna wreck me

he asks her to give him a minute, and when she’s all “you’re out here because of something you saw in a dream?” he gives her this look of “it’s not that simple and you KNOW that”. funny how you can say that with just a look.

but someone calls him over!!! NO! there is the skull of a child in there!!!

omfggggg

wait, we literally haven’t even gotten past the intro yet, and i’m already sat at the edge of my seat…………

we are sooooo back, baby!!!

hey, that intro was different from the standard too, i think. but whatever.

scully is deeply confused, asking to hear about his dream. the forensic investigators are digging, but he is implying they aren’t going fast enough… so he’s digging with HIS HANDS!!!! 

oh, he is gonna mess some evidence up this way…

but he insists he knows what happened. 

he describes the murder in great detail, and scully asks, you learned all of this from your dream? and he says no, i have this murderer’s MO memorized; it’s a guy named john lee roche.

so it is the power of careful study AND prophetic dreams at work that make mulder such a good investigator

it seems deeply wrong to see mulder in their office with only a t shirt on and not his fancy suits, but it is the weekend, and desperate times. this serial killer- roche- was very hard to catch back in the day. at the FBI, he was nicknamed “paper hearts” because of the heart trophies he took from the victims… oh… i see where this is going. the title is making sense now.

mulder was brought onto the case because he was thought to be able to get into the victim’s head……. omg… his reputation…. and he concluded the killer had to be someone ordinary who traveled a lot, like a salesman. and he was!!! roche was a vacuum salesman!! 

(do we still even have those?)

scully points out that it was his profile that caught the bastard, and he just shrugs his shoulders. i would expect him to normally be more “yeah, i did that!!”, but it seems this one is very personal to him. not much to celebrate if you only caught the guy after the horrific murders happened.

he says they never found the hearts cut from the cloth, and he always wanted to count them and see if they really added up to 13. after this, he realizes that there were more than 13. this is really sad.

scully says maybe she can explain his dream!!! and maybe he solved it in his sleep when his subconscious took over! oh, she is a good friend

“you said it yourself once… you said a dream is an answer to a question we haven’t learned how to ask” <- YES he said that in 2x12, right? i always thought it was so poetic, and the fact that it was never mentioned again bothered me a little- BUT SHE REMEMBERED!!!

she’s telling him that he did good work, and they can identify the girl and put her to rest, and what if i cry about the way she leaned in to reassure him?? hey. what if i cry?

it’s time to look at some bones. scully seems to have found an identity pretty quick; her name was addie, and she went missing in 1975. 

but mulder pushes back, saying that if that were true, it would mean roche started way before they thought he did. scully points out that the clothes and height match.

oh my god…. the way he’s looking at the bones, and she asks if he’s gonna be okay if they verify it… he shakes his head yes, but it seems hollow. she is trying to be so careful around him. it's making me emotional.

so, they go off to pennsylvania to try and make an ID with addie's relatives. scully does the talking, presumably because mulder is going through a Lot Of Feelings, and the minute they say they’re with the FBI, the dude who answered the door asked “you found addie?” ohhhhh :( 

he immediately identifies the fabric pouch they found with the bones as made for addie... he used to slip quarters in it from the tooth fairy

bro, this episode is sad as hell.

“i used to think that missing was worse than dead because you never knew what happened” (cut to mulder) (cut to him looking at the portrait of addie on the wall) i’m gonna scream re: the implications about samantha

addie’s father asks if there were other victims they didn’t know about, and mulder looks very very very sad. i can sense him feeling that he needs to solve this, and that he’s gonna think he failed for not finding the others before. yes, i know where this is going 

all of a sudden, he remembers from his dream that the killer drove a white el camino, and he probably kept the hearts in there. the car was sold in 1992. that was a while ago. i am feeling some doubts in terms of them still being in there.

“don’t you think the car might have been searched at least once already?” “not by me” <- DAMN!!! oh my god. his sense of duty. that ancient and primal Guilt in him. yeah yeah, i’m eating this up 

they go to visit the car, where a young gentleman has been putting flames on the side. he seems giddy to hear a serial killer once owned his car. which i feel is valuable commentary on the commodification of the true crime industry and how it dehumanizes the suffering of the victims through sensationalism. but mulder is not gonna listen to him blabber, he is gonna get to WORK.

(man, i wonder how these two feel about the rise of true crime as an entertainment industry... i want to hear their thoughts)

they are sleuthing together. mulder takes a knife and cuts right into the seat!!!! he says something is wrong…. and remembers the “mad hat” clue…. he thinks this means it’s in the camper shell??? i fail to see the connection but that is okay, it wasn't my dream

mulder’s acting like a madman, ripping into the fabric of the camper shell, where he finds a copy of alice in wonderland…. WITH A HEART IN IT.

they are leaned in together, counting the hearts, and it would be an incredibly touching moment if it weren’t in such a sad context.

they find 16 hearts :( and he sadly says that means he had two more victims they didn't know about :(

they’re going to go visit roche. or not? someone is playing basketball. 

OH. they’re letting this serial killer, who casually addresses him with a "hey mulder", play basketball?? by himself? that can’t even be fun…

they ask roche why he only claimed there were 13 victims. he said 13 sounded more magical. why is this dude at once so Normal seeming and viscerally scary?

oh… “i understand you take this very personally, mulder” oh no. oh no oh no oh no.

“sink one from there and i’ll tell you” (very high pressure basketball shot that mulder makes on the first try) well okay!!! an athlete!

roche says that if he brings the hearts back, he’ll tell him everything, which was not part of the deal. i am of the opinion that he should not get to see the hearts again, and that if he does, it will be very inappropriate.

oh my god. mulder’s at his desk with the hearts, all organized by name, falling asleep with his glasses on as he holds the last two. he can't even stay awake, he's working so hard to figure this out.

another red light moment!! it is guiding him places…. a dream??

NO!!! NO. it’s leading him to the news of watergate. oh no. i know where this is going.

he sees samantha, and he’s quoting what he said back then when The Incident went down, line for line, because he must have rewatched it a thousand times

we relive the scene, including the flashes of lights. he grabs the gun. this time, and opens the door…. and it’s… roche…?

(well, if it is really him behind the crime, how did he do the whole shaking everything and making stuff float bit? really makes you wonder. because i recall samantha's body floating horizontally for a bit)

but back to real world, where mulder wakes up screaming “samantha!” and again. i WILL cry. oh my god…. there’s a terrible realization in his face as he holds the hearts up.

no, no, no, stop making him suffer.

back to the prison. mulder is without scully this time, but with roche, who asks if he has the hearts. 

mulder is questioning him about the weird comments yesterday, the whole "it's personal to you thing", then jumps right into “where were you in 1973?” and holy FUCK it’s tense.

“what, the whole year?” “november. the 27th of november. do you know what i’m getting at?” oh my god….

roche claims to have sold a vacuum cleaner in martha’s vineyard to mr. mulder at that time…. 

he’s going on and on about his father choosing the vacuum. and mulder’s face is so steely. but when he asks “what do you know about my sister?”, his voice is wavering.

again, roche insists that he brings him the hearts before he learns anything. which causes mulder to punch the shit out of him.

when the guards come in and roche snitches on mulder for punching him, the guard is like “i didn’t see it” which is deserved. more than deserved, actually.

but scully saw it go down!!! i thought he went on his own… guess she was outside watching

she is trying to talk sense into him post-prisoner punching, which has happened a few times now and makes me worry about mulder's employability if anyone knew he had a tendency to get physical with these villains, but i digress.

scully is explaining that roche can use the computer to look up anything he likes and find out where mulder’s from (it’s true! be careful what you post, guys!) and she thinks that he is using emotional blackmail. she thinks roche saw mulder’s heart on his sleeve and took advantage of that.

it would make sense that if he knows that he will spend the rest of his life in prison, he would torture mulder for funsies...

“scully, do you believe that my sister samantha was abducted by aliens?” oh my god we’re going there. i never thought we would go there.

“have you ever believed that?” she doesn’t answer, but she hangs her head… because what do you even say to that?

“no. so what do you think happened to her?” 

he doesn’t know what he believes, but he has to find out… and that shot of scully’s face…… please kill me, it would be easier for all involved :(

in connecticut, mulder is at… his mom’s house? looking in the basement. did he just show up?

he apologizes twice for waking her up and asks how she is doing :( awww :( he was so worried :( oh this grown man… he is a baby to me….

so he pulls out the fabric hearts and asks if she recognizes them. and when she gets confused and tries to explain her memory isn’t as good after the stroke, he smiles, and hugs her, pats her back, says it’s alright.

OHHHHHH THE WAY HE HUGGED HER AND SMILED................. I WILL YELL. I AM YELLING NOW. AHHHH.

anyway. he falls back on a different line of thinking to try and get answers out of his mother: did dad ever buy you a vacuum cleaner? the answer: yes, he did, a long time ago, and it’s down here. he’s tearing through old decorations to find it, and it is the brand that roche claimed it was. he slams his fist down.

now hold on. i’m willing to bet he just named the most popular vacuum of the early 1970’s. because they’ve put too much work into this whole “samantha was taken by aliens or the government” storyline to debunk it entirely. what about her files in the west virginia archive? what about his father choosing which child he liked better? what about the whole “they took her as insurance so mr. mulder wouldn’t snitch on the cataloguing of humans and planning for alien colonization” thing? too much has been invested in this…. i think it can’t be true, but rather we’re exploring mulder’s emotional state with this sick and twisted excuse 

skinner has summoned mulder!!! he is no longer allowed to work on the roche case because he punched tf out of him!!! mulder turns to scully with suspicion and skinner clarifies that she wasn’t the one who reported it (although she should have) but rather the whole thing was videotaped!!!

if i've said it once i've said it a million times: she's real as hell

skinner says that he should have mulder’s ass in a sling (okay, elaborate on that), but he tries to explain that roche might have information on his sister. scully says that it looks possible- he spent most of 1973 in boston, took a trip to martha’s vineyard in october… and it’s adding up.

she loves to do her research. i know she was an academic weapon in college.

skinner says this is even MORE of a reason to get someone else on this case, but scully says that no one knows roche better than mulder, it’s still his case, and we have to find the victims!!!

(angry skinner voice) (forcefully pointed finger at groveling mulder) "you tread very lightly" (forcefully pointed finger at scully) "you see that he does"

he basically said “watch your man, scully, or ELSE”

back to roche. they present to him the hearts, and he has a sick smile. i do not like this

“name them” “well, i think you know one of them already” oh that is evil

(said with the most fury that has ever been concentrated into scully’s voice per word) “prove it” <- she is not gonna let him do this alone, nor will she let him be manipulated!!! she is the best friend out there!!

roche is smiling, talking about watergate, how mulder and his sister were playing a board game that night. he says he was watching from the window. why does he know all of this?

he has this weird fixation on playing games, and says to pick out a piece of fabric, and he’ll give the location of the body it came from. fifty-fifty chance it’s samantha, and either way he gets a victim’s location.

what is up with this dude? why is he so casual about all of this? he does seem so… normal, despite the things he is saying.

at the location roche gives them, they find the words “mad hatter” carved into the rock. uh oh. that is showing up again. he starts digging with his hands.

scully is trying to talk sense into him, saying they need to get an excavation team, but his voice is strained as he tells her to “just help me, scully”. so she joins in, and they find something. he looks like a wild animal.

in the autopsy room, he’s approaching the bones, taking a deep breath as he goes over the case information, trying to prepare himself to see his sister.

there are visible tears in his eyes as he runs his hands over the fabric, then announces (in form of a question) that “it’s not her, is it scully?” there is a sense of relief involved, but still, pain from lack of answers.

samantha broke her collarbone when she was 6 on a rope swing in their backyard, and as he realizes this little girl's collarbone is intact, he’s crying and he’s sighing with relief.

“it’s not her”, she says; “it’s somebody though” is his reply. ohhhh my god. ohhhhhh my god. oh my goooooooood. it's somebody's grief that they have carried with them for decades just as he has. it isn't that much of a relief to know it isn't her if someone else has felt like he has since the 70's.

back to roche. he gives the name of the girl who they did find, with incredible detail on where she lived. scully’s voice is forced as she asks what year this happened, and he’s going on and on about the vacuum he almost sold the victim’s mother.

so mulder presents roche with the last heart, saying that is belonged to his sister. he’s making a big game of this, saying “you need me to lead you through”, to bring him to the place where his sister is buried. to which i think, no tf you don't.

he said he can’t wait to see mulder’s face, and you can hear scully exhale and say “oh god”, and that is how you know things are going to go DOWN.

she says he will see the inside of his cell instead; “you’re going to rot there” (holds the door for mulder) (all things considered, she showed excellent restraint)

she looks incredibly furious at these shenanigans, but softens up to ask if mulder is okay. she says that if they give roche what he wants, he could string them along forever. and it makes sense. there has to be another way to figure out if he is telling the truth.

back at home on his couch, mulder is pondering. he has a few fish in his tank. you need a bigger tank, i think, but idk if people cared about that in the 90's.

NO! he picks up the phone and calls for A REMOVAL ORDER OF A FEDERAL PRISONER!!!!!!!!

he gets on the plane with a handcuffed roche.

what the fuck, i thought we were NOT going to go down this route? what is he thinking?

roche asks to use the bathroom on the plane, but instead starts talking to a little girl, and mulder has to get there NOW, but there’s a stewardess in the way. oh no, what has he done...

scully is forced to tell skinner that mulder did, in fact, let the serial killer out. OH!!! skinner says “you let me down” to her…… oh my god……. that really hurts

she says that she had left mulder to his own devices for one day to get some sleep… do we believe her? honestly, yeah i do. especially because of how furious she became when roche brought up the idea that he could be let out.

she’s trying to advocate for mulder in his absence, talking about the “uniqueness” of the situation with a level voice, and skinner says yeah i know, i said that this situation was really unique the last time we talked, now let’s go and clean up this mess.

oooo skinner is MAD and i don't really blame his anger at mulder, but it's rude af to blame scully for the things mulder did... skinner confirmed anti-feminist, blaming a woman for a man's actions

(i jest. mostly. skinner and i still have beef and we probably always will. every time i think we're past it, he does something else that pisses me off, so we are constantly on uncertain ground. which is very father coded, all things considered)

cut to mulder cam, who is bringing roche to his old house?? roche is unsettlingly tall. he says he sat on the couch when his dad bought the vacuum… and then walks through what he claims happened the night of the murder. mulder’s thoroughly quizzing him, and he’s answering them correctly, even where his parents went once they left. or is he guessing at it all??

he claims to have cut the power, that the door was unlocked, and he walked in…. 

and mulder tried to get the gun, but he claims he froze… 

OH! GAG!!!!!! MULDER BROUGHT HIM TO THE WRONG HOUSE!!!!!!!!!

he says his father bought this house AFTER the divorce… dude, how many properties did this guy own??????

but still. the point is made clear. roche is a fake.

so how did he know these things? perhaps, mulder proposes, that when he got into his head investigating the case, maybe that link goes both ways. that's a terrifying prospect

“and you’re in the wrong house, you stupid son of a bitch” <- this is a powerful line, but you can really hear the massachusetts come out when he says it. i think that’s really cool. i mean, is DD actually from there? i think he is, right? because he went to school with jfk jr. famous boston blood there.

if it’s not a purposeful detail or a inadvertent thing that slips into an actor’s performance when a scene is Emotional, then maybe i need verification: did y’all hear the massachusetts when he said that, too….

roche is scrambling to cover his tracks, saying it was just geography that he messed up, not the actual details, but he has now been exposed as a FAKE and a FRAUD

mulder doesn’t buy it, despite his claims he’s telling the god’s honest truth. hmm. perhaps leave the lord out of this.

then he’s sitting and holding that cloth heart. we hear his sister’s voice in the car, which is pulling away. and he grabs her, holds her close. 

BUT HE WAKES UP AND ROCHE IS GONE AND HE IS HANDCUFFED!!! scully and skinner are at the door!!! roche must have manipulated him in his sleep?

omg…….. 

skinner is letting him have it, saying there’s a predator loose because of him, and how can he explain himself, and. while i agree. if i were in his shoes and there were any chance of getting an answer to the one question that has kept me up at night almost my whole life, i’m not sure if i wouldn't have fallen for roche’s lies as well. it is hard to imagine. i'd like to think i wouldn't, but how can you ever know?

it is a dark and ugly thing that mulder did, letting him out.

but we at least seem to get confirmation that the dream connection theory is accurate?

he asks for skinner’s phone, saying there was a child on the plane, and roche is probably going after her

NO! someone called ten minutes ago with the same name requesting the same information from the airline!!!! 

it seems that the girl’s babysitter believed roche’s lies that her mother was in an accident and he needed to pick her up, and she blames herself for letting her go with roche. but mulder says it isn’t her fault, and it’s his fault instead. 

oh my god…. he tells scully she was right, and when she asks if he no longer thinks roche took samantha, he says it doesn’t matter anymore………. because that grief that has ruled him forever has now been put onto someone else............. how terrible he must feel...

he thinks that roche will be somewhere nearby, and scully is pulling up his old address. he lived on alice road, and mulder says that has to be it, because he got the idea from alice in wonderland!

(i have never read the actual alice in wonderland book. did the mad hatter kill people and take hearts from their clothing? i thought he just. made tea and said weird stuff???)

skinner is in disbelief, but acquiesces to mulder’s knowledge, rounding up his men.

at the apartment, they can’t find anything. mulder is running in a field, climbing into a huge lot of busses??? old run down busses??? i'm confused at why this exists, but following along in terms of plot

he pulls out a tiny gun hidden in his sock (slay) and sprints towards the sound of a girl screaming, but with so many identical busses, where is she???

he hears some movement in one of them…. and finds roche and her in there together. 

and roche is saying that he does think they share that nexus like he claimed. everything is very very tense. 

mulder announces that he is going to take this girl home, and when roche points out that he has a gun, he asks the child to do a favor: count to twenty out loud, quietly and slowly. he has a way of talking to kids like they’re equals and i’ve always found it endearing, but now i’m wondering where tf he is going with this.

roche has the gun pointed at the girl… and we know he is capable of pulling it

roche is trying to say anything he can to get mulder to not kill him, asking how sure he is it isn’t samantha who was the last victim. but i don't think that is gonna work anymore.

and when the kid hits twenty, mulder pulls the trigger

JEEZ, we really saw some blood action go on there!

so the poor girl runs away screaming to scully, who is saying that it is okay, and that she has her (and i am emotional when ever they work with kids okay? especially after that convo in home where they talk about wanting families. whatever.)

and i’m left paused at roche’s dead head, which i feel in real life would have a lot more blood and gore, but for the sake of this being TV, it still is kinda shocking!

mulder’s holding the gun out, staring at roche’s body.

wait. we’re back at his office now. i am going to use this time to analyze the articles on his wall.

“strange activity down under” “are UFOs flying in colorado?” “ranchers shaking their heads over mysterious cow deaths” “US reports visits of UFOs to bases” (picture of crop circles, creepy creatures, a list of planets i think? and the famous poster)

pan to a very very sad mulder. scully knocks and comes in. she is staring at him. they are not saying anything for a few seconds that feel very very long.

oh my god. she comes in with the fabric analysis of the heart. all they can say is that it was made between 1969 and 1974.

she assures him it’s not samantha, and that they’ll find who the little girl really is. 

“how?” “i don’t know. but i do know you.” (he looks up at her while fighting back tears) <- i am going to bite something. her unwavering belief in him will be the death of me.

“why don’t you go on home and get some sleep?” she asks, so gently (at this, he breaks into laughter, which gets a smile out of her)

and he wraps his hand around her waist, leaning his head into her, while she strokes his hair

then he puts the last heart in his desk drawer.

oh my gosh………

where to even begin....?

first thought: he must be laughing at her saying that because she knows damn well that he will not be able to rest, but also because it is comforting to hear how she believes in him. that, or “go on home and get some rest” is their code for “i’m letting you do what you want and not asking questions”, but i doubt that, because she claims to have said that to him earlier, and i feel scully would never EVER have let him release roche if she had known he was even sort of thinking about it.

second: yowch. this one hurted!

it took me an hour and 51 minutes to get through the 45-ish minute episode because i was SO glued to noting every moment. 

i tend to prefer the episodes that are more lighthearted, so i did feel that absence here. that being said, i don’t think it would be possible to explore this side of mulder with there being humor in the plot or script, especially after we have seen how he uses it as a defense mechanism. when he can’t joke about something is when you know he’s hurting terribly. 

it was dark. very dark. but i still enjoyed it for the character analysis. i love a character analysis episode, i love diving into what makes someone who they are. there was this sick relationship between roche and mulder where you knew he was going to do anything to get the answers, no matter what the risks were or who was placed in danger. and i think that shows the scary and dark side of mulder that can get overlooked; how his bloodhound-like need to sniff out an answer can and will endanger himself and others. but he is aware of this fact, and seems regretful, especially when he says it doesn’t matter anymore if he finds samantha, because he inadvertently put another child in danger to do so. and he is aware that the suffering he has felt is now going to be passed onto someone else if he does not fix it Right Away. which he does.

getting to see the good parts of a character driven to such an extreme where they become terrible traits is a rare treat. still, it can be hard to see your blorbo do bad things.

i do often wonder about his slapping of criminals and why he hasn’t gotten fired for some of these many rule-breaking sessions, but. shrugs. it’s not real, so we can’t entirely place real world logic on this stuff, i guess.

honestly, we also saw a lot of scully and learned about her character here, too. how she tries to draw the line between her own beliefs and the very real pain that mulder is suffering, and how his pain breaks her heart; how defensive she is of him, in front of roche and skinner or even the whole world, i’d imagine. her courage to look her boss in the eye and ask for mercy on his behalf as he goes out and breaks every rule known to mankind because he wants to bend the earth to his will. that bone-deep righteous conviction she carries with her that i love so much.

and more on how she’s always touching him- they skirt around the emotional issues at hand, asking if he’s okay to make an ID or to see the autopsy and not really touching the sore spot with words unless they absolutely have to. but while they only brush it verbally, she is physically reaching out to him, leaning in, stroking his head, touching his arm… god, the way they communicate kills me. it's like they find it far easier to let their bodies express emotion, which probably comes from the constant need to Be Strong both of them feel in their line of work, but it is really compelling. it's fascinating. as someone who is always going to tell you how i feel at all times, i find it very intriguing. are they afraid to say what they mean? or do they have this connection that words aren't needed for? please let me know what you think. am i alone in this? do you think they are good at talking about their feelings? or am i voicing a popular sentiment that they are mostly pretty Bad at it. because i'm thinking of other times where they are Honest and Truthful, and they tend to keep it very succinct. maybe that's what makes it more impactful.

how he laughed at her after she said she believed in him, and how she smiled back, how he leaned into her????? can i bottle that and drink it when i feel like suffering?

god, i’ve felt that when i read dialogue prompts, they don’t seem to work for writing msr as easily as you would think, because so much of what they say isn’t even said. it’s in glances and touches and leans, and the words tend to be sparse but truthful when they matter and witty and prolonged when it’s nothing of importance. what a strange balance they have. shoutout to people who write msr, because it seems very hard to do when you want to write a genuine tale of them getting up to emotional activities.

overall, i liked this episode, but it was still a bummer. s4 is full of bummers, so far. i have not giggled in a while. i would like to giggle at some point in the future. perhaps that is something we can work toward. i once again request a fic where they go to an apple orchard. perhaps i shall end all of my posts with that, at least until we get some levity back to the game. that being SAID, it was still excellent.

let me know what you think- does everyone agree that this is a good episode? did you feel sad? did you think it was Too Dark? any criticism? any high praise? and the big one that is nagging at me now: how tf do you understand the way they communicate? can it be conceptualized?? please share with me all of your thoughts in as much detail as you can spare.

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

So I've talked about this, I think at live shows. I don't know if I've ever talked about it on the podcast, but, you know, Ben's humor is so based on audio and like, and quality of words and the sounds and and sound effects and like, sort of how people say things. And, and he would get locked into in jokes. He would always have in jokes with literally every single person, every crew member, every cast. He would have one word that he would say that the way he said it would make you lose it. And it was always just one of the funniest things. And Ben and I, over the years, built up a pantheon of these references and repertoire. Oh my God. And this was one of the most legendary. So, and now I see why it's so great, because this what we real, so what he's doing here, and he doesn't actually do it, but what he had been doing all week, he barely does it. But what he had been doing all week was he, Ben used to take the tonal interpretation of lines in movies that we knew and insert the reading into a different line that we actually had to say on the script. So let me explain what I mean. So in the movie, Teen Wolf we talk, and the reason we were doing Teen Wolf was because Jerry. So we had been obviously talking Teen Wolf nonstop. And so there's a character in Teen Wolf is a coach, or the, the drama teacher. And the drama teacher has this amazing line where Michael J. Fox walks on. He's refusing to be the werewolf near the end of the movie when he is decided to embrace his humanity. And the, the, the, the drama teacher is gonna kick him outta the show. And he goes, how do I put this? No, no, no wolf. No wolf. No wolf, no part. And we always just thought it was so brilliant because the guy, he swallows it. And the way he sort of like, you know, 'cause the way it's written is like no wolf, no part kid. And he decides to like, make it this like very, and Ben and I would quote it and thought it was hysterical. So then Ben started saying, whatever this line is, I, God, I should have written it down. -Rider

In this recurring dream. What happens next? Shawn recalls, I'm left alone with this beautiful sorority girl who just got dumped, who just got dumped by her boyfriend. She's not too fond of men at the moment. So she wreaks havoc on me emotionally and physically. -Danielle

And then what does Ben's, what does Cory say then? -Rider

Cory, tell Shawn there's something that's not quite meshing with. -Danielle

That's, it was mesh. It was mesh. Mesh. Mesh. So he all week long would say, Shawn, Shawn, there's something that's not quite um mesh. Meshing. Meshing. And he would, so he inserted and it was something he would do at run throughs. He would do it in front. And nobody knew what he was doing. But he's signaling to me. Except for me. So I would be losing. So you can see in anticipation of this moment coming, and I'm sitting here basically daring him. You're not gonna do it while the cameras are rolling. I know. He already had, which is why I was already losing it. 'cause this is probably take two. So yes, this is the brinksmanship of me and Ben trying to make each other laugh. And they left it, they left. 'Cause there probably wasn't a take where we are not losing it. So yes, this is Ben Savage doing his Teen Wolf tone line insertion on our dialogue to just mesh. make each other laugh. And they left it, they left. 'cause there probably wasn't a take where we are not losing it. So yes, this is Ben Savage doing his teen wolf tone line insertion on our diet dialogue to just mesh. Mesh. Meh. Oh, there's so many instances of this throughout our history. But this was like the, I mean, yeah, I'll never forget it. And when I saw me start to laugh, that's all I remembered about this episode. That's all I remembered. Man, that makes me miss it so much. -Rider 

[jadeiteee]

Behind the closed doors! cs55

This is for the anon that requested muslim reader x Carlos, I accidentally deleted the req bcs am a dumbass😔😔

In the bustling streets of Madrid, a love story was born. It wasn’t meant to be, you were so different, but the heart wants what it wants.

You felt his presence before you saw him, standing behind you, glaring at the man who was flirting with you. “Fuck off” he grunted, staring daggers as the man scurried off.

“Carlos” you glare at him “what was that for?” You rolled your eyes. “He was staring at you” he uttered posessively, his hands slipping to hug your waist.

You shot him a glare and swatted his hand “we are in public, Carlos.” You warns him “the media will pick this up in a flash”

“Relax cariño, they won’t notice” he smiled cunningly as you rolled your eyes 

“You don’t need to be so possessive and chase away every guy who looked at my way” you scoffed, crossing your arms in annoyance 

Carlos's expression softened, his gaze meeting yours with a hint of remorse. "I know, cariño," he sighed, reaching out to gently caress your cheek. "But I can't stand seeing anyone else look at you like that."

Despite your irritation, you couldn’t seem to hide the fact that it warmed your heart how much he loved you, melting all your irritation away. 

“Let’s get out of here” you said softly, your voice muffled by the crowd, but he somehow managed to pick it up

He holds your hand as you both escape from the loud and bustling party, laughing and giggling like childrens, not giving any care about the world, just you, and him.

You both sat quietly at his car, trying to catch your breath, the loud bustling city around you seemed to quiet down, it felt like the world had stopped and it is just you now.

He started the car as he drove to his apartment, jokes and laughter filling the air, not caring about the media for once, it is just you and him now.

Once you arrived to his apartment, he carried you into his room and dropped you there, plopping into the bed after the tiring night, only wanting to rest, but Carlos decided he doesn’t want to, he started tickling you while giggling like a child

“Carlos” you said giggling while trying to avoid his tickles, “leave me alone!” You tried to avoid him, but what can a normal person do against a literal athlete?

Carlos grinned mischievously, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he reached out to tickle you once more. "Come on, cariño," he teased, his fingers dancing across your skin. "You know you love it."

You squealed and squirmed, trying in vain to escape his relentless assault. "Stop it, Carlos!" you laughed, your words punctuated by bursts of giggles. "I surrender!"

That didn’t stopped him from continuing his antics as he continues to tickles you, burst of laughter echoes in the room.

You both plopped into the bed after 30 minutes of wrestling, giggling and laughing as you both cuddled into bed, not aware of what was gonna happen in the morning.

You wake up with the sound of two people talking, you whined a little as you rub your eyes, adjusting to the lights around you as you saw your bestfriend Bianca standing there with her arms crossed, talking to Carlos

You blinked a few times trying to make sure this wasn’t a dream “Bianca..? Why are you here?” You muttered slowly, trying to wake yourself up

“You made the news” she handed you her phone, “A mysterious girl and Carlos Sainz were spotted at a party in Madrid.” You saw the headline of the news with a picture of you and Carlos last night.

“Fuck” you cursed slowly, reading through the news, luckily your face was not pictured but people have started hating on you.

You felt your stomach sinking as you read the comments beneath the article. People were speculating about your relationship with Carlos, making assumptions and spreading rumors without knowing the truth.

Carlos placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, his expression filled with concern. "Don't worry, cariño," he said softly. "We'll handle this together."

You feel anxious, but you know Carlos will protect you, as long as you two are together, anything else doesn’t matter.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Apparently this is “undeniable” proof that Kataang wasn’t always gonna be endgame. I don’t get it TBH. But what do you think?

https://araeph.tumblr.com/post/151770892635/irrefutable-proof-that-kataang-was-not-always/embed

"Aang's attachment to Katara was selfish because it was based on feeling entitled to a relationship with somoene that didn't love him back"

Bullshit. Pure bullshit. The vision that makes him give up on trying to let go of his attachment to her was her being captured and imprisoned. He literally screams "Katara is in danger!"

He loved her and wanted to be with her, yes, but his main concern was "What if I prioritize something else over and end up losing her like I lost my people?" because remember, we are explicitly shown in that very episode that his love for the other air-nomads, his previous family, is living on through his love for Katara, who is part of his current family - and yes, the girl he'd eventually marry and have kids with once they were older.

But Aang cannot afford to focus on making sure only one person is doing okay. That's why, in Ba Sing Se, when he sees everyone, including Katara, fighting against all the Dai Li, he does the right thing and trusts that, if he does his duty to end the war, everyone will be safe and sound - including Katara.

His romantic feelings for her make it HARDER to let go of her, but his attachment is not based SOLELY on it.

And for fucks sake people, Katara canonically started looking at him differently all the way back in season 1, during the fortuneteller episode and flirted with him the following episode. She clearly liked kissing him in Cave Of Two Lovers, and she was visibly upset when Aang was acting cold and distant towards her after Appa's kidnapping. She likes him back. Deal with it.

"Aang being able to get into the Avatar State after hitting that rock makes no sense because it was as spiritual issue, not a physical one. He should have fixed it by letting go of Katara"

Aang let go of Katara in Ba Sing Se. We literally see it happening. Aang's chakra was blocked because he was struck by Azula's lightning on that very moment. A physical trauma, that visibly left a PERMANENT mark on his body. That boy literally died and had to be brought back to life.

Through the show, we see things like Ty Lee using pressure points to block people's bending (and movement in general), Toph offering to help Aang relax in Nightmares and Daydreams through accupuncture, and Toph also becoming a incredibly poweful bender because the suppression of one of her five senses hightened the others.

In the Avatar world, a physical thing can canonically block or trigger someone's ability to do something. Aang's chakra being unblocked after something hit the spot that left a physical trauma on his body makes total sense.

On Zuko's fever dreams supposedly revealing his true self and making him more empathetic

Uncle Iroh tells us that Zuko will be his true self once he recovers. The following episode Zuko SEEMS happy and is acting much kinder towards his uncle.

But he ditched it all the very second a chance to be a prince again was given to him by Azula. He double-down on his selfishness, entitlement, arrogance and cruelty. He betrayed a man that was more like a father to him than Ozai ever was, even though he did genuinely love Iroh.

And once Zuko actually changes sides for good and is GENUINELY being kinder and more honorable he acts NOTHING like that overly-happy, super optimistic boy we saw in Ba Sing Se - because that was NOT Zuko's true self, it was him trying to please the one person he still had in his life. Trying to be like him because no other path seemed possible. And even though he convinced himself he was happy, he had already said he wanted more than just a well-paying job that allowed him to live a quiet life in a nice place. He wanted to go home, he wanted to be Fire Lord, and that's exactly what his ending was.

Either the writers wrote themselves into a corner for the sake making Zuko's betrayal towards his uncle all the more shocking, or it was one of the rare moments of the show subtly reminding us that Uncle Iroh is NOT perfect and can make mistakes despite being a wise man.

[sailorsenshishitposter]

Itadori Yuji x Reader

⚠️ Spoilers for chapter 257 and also a warning for cannibalism

Itadori Yuji

You enjoy fawning over babies, are a dog person or you have the attention span of a goldfish

First Date:

You were ecstatic. You never would have dreamed that your crush would agree to go out with you. Yuji insisted that the two of you meet up outside the theatre. Something about how he wanted to show you this romance movie? "I don't care as long as I'm with you itadori." You then heard what sounded like someone trying to vomit? "What was that?" Before Yuji could respond he slapped himself. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Just swatting an annoying mosquito. Anyway I'm gonna go grab some popcorn now..." You wondered why Itadori was acting so nervous. "Maybe he's just as excited about this date as I am?" You then made sure your mascara was on fleek and then made your way to the screening. "Great, you made it! It's just about to start!" You sat down while the previews began playing.

You couldn't help but notice how your date was shovelling fists full of popcorn down his throat, almost as if he was eating for two people. "Hungry?" you whispered. You then heard a voice saying "No more brat, this tastes awful!" It was probably just the movie since you two were the only ones in the room. Yuji then gave you a bashful look as he rubbed the back of his head. "I guess I've always had a larger appetite. My grandpa once mentioned something about my uncle eating his twin in the womb?" You were too stunned to speak.

The title of the movie showed up on screen. 'HUMAN EARTHWORM 4'. You cringed. How was this a romance movie? You were starting to fall asleep out of boredom when you heard a voice that was far too deep to belong to Itadori. "Pathetic. This is your attempt at courting a woman? Back in the Heian era I would-" There was a loud clap that was enough to fully wake you up. "What happened Itadori?"

Yuji was now sweating bullets. "Oh, You fell asleep? Is the movie not to your liking? We can always do something else if you want." Why did your date have to be so sweet? "No, it's fine. I suppose I'm just tired." The movie soon ended and the two of you decided to get something to eat. You then stopped at the local KFC. Yuji sat down while you went to order. You then returned to see him with a strange look on his face. "What's the matter?"

"I think I just saw my teacher? No wait, maybe it wasn't him? But then again who else has white hair in Tokyo? Anyway, I think this girl in blue robes dumped him or something? He just started crying. Look, he's still there!" You cast your gaze down the street. Itadori was right. There was a man sobbing on the ground while slamming his fist into the concrete. "SUGURU, WWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYY?????? PLEASE I NEED YOU!!"

You turned away. How embarrassing. You were just glad that he wasn't your date. "Hey, the foods getting cold. Let's eat!" The two of you then began to feed each other chicken tenders. You were so lovestruck that you failed to notice the burnt piece you had picked up. If anything it resembled a claw made out of hot dogs more than fried chicken. You put it to Yuji's lips and watched him swallow it whole.

Somethings wrong. Why was your date convulsing all of a sudden? "I swear if they gave you food poison!" You then noticed black markings appear on Itadori's skin. "What the hell-" You were then cut off before you could finish speaking. Literally. Next thing you knew, you were being cut apart into tiny meat cubes. Your date then took a slice of human meat, savoring the flavour. He then started tasting the blood on his fingers. "I guess that's why they call it finger licking good!"

[redbullgirly]

hi i saw your requests are open!! i was wondering if you could write a lance x indian!famous!fem reader where shes an actress and shes always getting shipped with other indian actors and she decided to hard launch her and lances wedding. fc - janhvi kapoor

thank you 💗

THE WEDDING [LS18 smau]

Lance Stroll x indian!famous!reader

Masterlist

Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is a loved celebrity and her fans often speculate about her dating life, shipping her with other Indian actors and men. But what if, one day, she decides to hard launch her wedding with someone as unexpected as Formula One driver, Lance Stroll?

Warnings: I don't know many things about famous Indian actors, movies or series, and same goes for Indian culture. If you find any errors in this matter, please let me know! :)

Author's Note: Hi Anon, thank you for this request. I have to say it was probably the hardest social media au I have ever done, because I don't know basically anything about Indian movies, celebrities, actors and everything else... I found some random actors, but if some of you know them and I didn't portray them correctly, sorry about that! Though I hope you and everyone else will like it and enjoy it. Also thanks for the face claim, it helped me orient at least a little bit.

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by shahidkapoor, bellahadid, ishaankhatter, lance_stroll and 2,349,122 others

yourusername time for loveee 🤍🌻👡

view all 3,206 comments

user1 step on me. i beg

user2 Loveee💜🔥

shahidkapoor Always need time for love!💕😁

user3 i'm sensing something here 👀

user4 Wow okay Shahid... are you hinting something??

user5 always time for love you say😏

user6 PLEASE YOU AND Y/N WOULD BE THE PERFECT COUPLE

user7 Guys he's literally happily married. Calm down 🙄

user8 well he can dump her ass and marry y/n instead lol

user9 Y/N & Shahid nation STAND UP he commented😍😍

user10 So elegant so beautiful just looking like a wow 😳

user11 dream girl with dream life

user12 I don't like the Shahid and Y/N shippers in this comment section... c'mmon guys it's not gonna happen you can chill

user13 exactly if she's dating someone then it's obviously ishaankhatter 🤭

user14 giiiirl tagging him is WILD😭 but same tbh, I also think they'd be better couple🤷‍♀️

user15 naaaaah y/n and shahid 4ever

ranveersingh 💜🖤

user16 OMGGG

user17 he's here. I repeat: THE KING ARRIVED🗣🗣🗣

user18 ohhh I kinda see the potential of y/n and him being the IT couple😻

user7 Why the hell do you keep shipping this poor woman with older married dudes? Stop!

user19 jesus user7 let us live we do it just for fun🖕

user20 Idk about you guys but I don't do it just for fun... I live for this😂

user21 yeah same user20

user22 Can we talk about the fact he used the black heart he often uses in his captions plus the purple heart that Y/N just used in her caption?? Like hello? This has to mean something!!

user23 omg right? they're definitely hinting something🤨

user24 Hear me out, I'm Y/N's fan and ship her with multiple actors... but now you're being delusional, it's literally an emoji xd

user23 nah user22 convinced me there has to be something more to it🫡

user24 Perfect💯 wife material

harnaazsandhu_03 Need your makeup tutorial asap!✨🔥

user25 ME TOO PLS

user26 guysss what if she's trying to hint she was on a date or sm??!!!

user27 THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!!! Sry but the rose filled tub looks like it can fit two 🫢

user28 who do you think it is then?

user29 Pls Shadid Kapoor🫣

user30 I'm actually praying it's Ishaan rn🙏🙏🙏

user23 and i'm a new member of y/n and raveer singh nation... like imagine the matching outfits they'd slay together😩

user31 Unpopular opinion but I see Y/N with Varun dhawan

user33 yeah real unpopular 'cause he just announced he's engaged like two weeks ago girly 💀

user34 youu>>>>>>>>>

user35 Medical science has really reached another level with your plastic operations🥴

user36 stfu

dior 🤩💜

liked by the author

user37 help not liking dior comment being y/n's only interaction under this whole post

user38 Poor her she probably doesn't want to have even more dating rumors going around because of replying to someone's comment...😕

user39 lmao don't make her into some tortured soul, she's probably just too busy XD

user40 your photos are so aesthetic🥰

user41 I WANT HER TO FINALLY DATE SOMEONE SO BAAAD

twitter & messages between Y/N and Lance

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by dhramamovie, tigerjackieshroff, lance_stroll, ranveersingh and 5,207,155 others

tagged: vogueindia

yourusername thank you for this amazing photoshoot!🖤☀️

view all 5,908 comments

user1 Absolutely gorgeous 😍

user2 omg guys she used the black heart!!!

user3 No way, that literally has to be a sign🫢

user4 wait im so confused... what is happening?

user5 It's about Ranveer Singh using the black heart emoji in his captions pretty often, commenting it under her last post and now her having it in her own caption

user4 wtf? you ranveer girlies are CRAZY 😭

user5 stfu user4 they're meant to be together🥰🥰

priyankachopra Beautiful girl!❤️🙏

yourusername thx!!

user6 y/n finally replied to someone's comment🫣

user7 Noooo why is it Priyanka Chopra??! Reply to Shahid or someone you're dating😓

user8 guys let her live... this is exactly why she isn't replying to anyone

user9 TWO QUEENS INTERACTING 😻

user10 Absolute Stunner 🖤🖤🖤🖤

vogueindia Our pleasure collaborating with you!🫶

liked by the author

user11 even vogue is Y/N's fan😌

user12 Why are some f1 drivers in this woman's likes???🤨

user13 'cause she's famous lol

user14 Lance and others are always in Y/N's likes, I guess they know each other from some event or maybe they like Indian movies she's been in... idk, the world can be really small XD

user12 It's still kinda suspicious🧐

user13 naaah it really is not

user14 tasteful🌹

therajakumari Icon

user15 we love women supporting women

varundvn Didn't see you for a while and suddenly you're dressed in black... any more surprises coming? 🤔🖤🤍

user16 WHAT DO YOU KNOW VARUN

yourusername hmmm let me think 🤔

user17 I can't believe my eyes... did Y/N just reply to a man in her comments?😨

user18 OMGGGG

user19 no but what does it meeaaaannn?!

user20 This is a good day to be Varun and Y/N shipper🤭

user21 the emojis HELLO

user22 nothing will ever convince me they aren't secretly in love and dating 🥰

user23 Ehm... he literally has a fiancé?

user22 and what? maybe she's just a cover for him and y/n 😉

user24 I wanna be heeer

user25 I wanna be WITH her

voguemagazine 📸📸📸

liked by the author

user26 Bohot sundar 😍 [Very beautiful 😍]

messages between Y/N, Varun Dhawan, Shahid Kapoor, Ranveer Singh and Ishaan Khatter

yourusername posted on instagram stories

seen by lance_stroll, ranveersingh, chloestroll, fernandoalo_oficial and 3,209,877 others

lance_stroll replied to your story: Can't wait to see my beautiful bride! ❤️

yourusername ohhh baby i'm so excited and nervous for tomorrow 😭🥰

lance_stroll Me too... but as long as we have each other, it's going to be okay

yourusername ofc lance 🫶

lance_stroll And if you change your mind about going public, just let know, okay sweetheart?

yourusername thank you, but i won't

yourusername it's time for the world to see my man 😘

lance_stroll ❤️

user1 replied to your story: y/nnnn what's happening

user2 replied to your story: I'm praying for you & Shahid rn 🙏

user3 replied to your story: Girlie isn't that the song you once said you want to play at your wedding???🫣

user4 replied to your story: So pretty

user5 replied to your story: 😍

varundvn replied to your story: Let's go! 🔥

yourusername are you srsly trying to hype up rn? 😭

varundvn ... Is it working?

yourusername ...maybe

varundvn Then let's go you're going to smash it in the wedding dress!🔥

yourusername u have no idea how much i'm glad crazy people ship us 'cause we got to meet thx to that 😭

user6 replied to your story: Bf reveal!!!!

user7 replied to your story: pls tell me you're finally going to announce you're dating one of your co-stars

user8 replied to your story: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FALL ASLEEP TODAY KNOWING TOMORROW IS HAPPENING SOMETHING BIG😩

yourusername and lance_stroll posted on instagram

liked by f1, shahidkapoor, charles_leclerc, kellypiquet and 20,344,109 others

yourusername Y/N & Lance Y/L/N Stroll 🤍💍

view all 34,029 comments

user1 I did NOT expect that

ranveersingh Congratulations to my favourite couple! Memorable day and beautiful ceremony.

liked by the author and lance_stroll

user2 my heart is breaking rn💔

user3 OMG RANVEER WAS THERE?!!

user4 i feel stupid for shipping him w y/n 😃

user5 But can we talk about how sweet it is he attended her wedding???🥺

user6 nooooo my favourite ship

user7 I guess at least they're close enough to go to each other's wedding 🫠

user8 this was definitely not on my 2024 bingo card

fernandoalo_oficial my first indian wedding but definitely not the last 🤪

lance_stroll Already planning on changing us for someone else?

fernandoalo_oficial no, but you can have like a golden wedding in twenty years 😄

yourusername you'll be definitely invited

user9 never in my life did i imagine fernando alonso and y/n y/l/n interacting with each other

user10 RIGHT? it still feels like a fever dream😭

user11 the wedding looks so beautiful!🥹🫶

shahidkapoor Forever & Always

liked by the author and lance_stroll

user12 that was supposed to be your wedding to Y/N dude

user13 MY FAVOURITE SHIP IS IN RUINS

user14 rip shahid and y/n girlies... 💔🥲

user15 Guys, let him be. He is married and so is Y/N now. It's actually sweet that he wishes them well.

user16 QUEEN😻

user17 who's here from f1 fandom ⬇️

user18 me and i can't believe lance stroll pulled some hot famous indian actress

user19 yeah, today has been crazy... 🤠

user20 I just saw one of her films and damn it's actually good xd

user21 how did we know NOTHING about lance being in a relationship???

user22 Idk I was just so shocked when I saw this post lol

user23 the twitter detectives got played this time😭

user24 No but why do I kinda understand why Y/N and Lance fit together perfectly-

user25 WE SEE THE VISION SIS

varundvn We can't send each other funny theories about our secret relationship anymore... 😓

liked by ishaankhatter, shahidkapoor and ranveersing

varundvn Anyway, congratulation so much! I bet I was the best bridesmaid you ever saw! 🫶

liked by the author and lance_stroll

user26 LOL not him being at the wedding as well 😃

user27 Why are all the men she was shipped with coming into these comments dropping hints about being besties and going to the wedding?!

user28 guys they were making fun of us the whole time🙃

user29 THEM SEDING EACH OTHER THEORIES HELP

f1 We hope to see Y/N in the paddock next season!🤩

user30 she will slay

user31 she will eat

user32 If we get Y/N in the paddock, maybe I can get over my favorite ships being turned into dust🫢

user33 I'M DEAD

isahernaez Dreamy wedding 🎀🤍

yourusername dreamy girl right here 😻

user34 i mean... congrats, but what the hell-?!!

user35 🥰🥳

user36 THIS IS MY ROMAN EMPIRE

THE END

Author's Note: Thank you for reading this social media au! I hope you liked it and I'll appreciate likes, comments, reblogs, follows and every other way of support. If you want to send requests for either social media au or normal written fanfiction, don't be shy. Have a great day!

[sunmisbf]

hi bestiesssssss i saw woodz yesterday n i am a changed person this is the best artist in the world to Me. i apologize to him deeply for ever looking at another man it won’t happen again like i was blacking out hes so fine n pretty n his smile is so nice i forgot my glasses in my car so i couldn’t see him as clearly as i would have liked help but i was really close n i did cry i’m not going to lie. i was doing pretty good n then he sang journey n it was over for me i love this guy so much n always wish him the best in everything. he’s so genuine on stage like u can tell he’s just having so much fun performing n he took off his ear piece a lot so he could hear us singing along. he played the guitar too i was blacking out sorry i do love a fine ass man that can play guitar like that’s literally my boyfriend n omg he took his shirt off at the very end before he left the stage n i Screamed so loud it hurt my throat n my boyfriend was like 🧍 n i was like i didn’t see anything even though i almost teared my vocal chords up… sorry. what else was i supposed to do i saw the gun tattoo w my own eyes he’s so fineeee. he’s such a singer u guys like we all know this but i was so happy to experience his singing live. he didn’t dance at all like other kpop artists but honestly it wouldn’t have fit the vibe like that’s the lead singer of a band. i’m in love sorry he’s everything to me. watching him sing busted n chaser n noid n i hate you n multiply n trigger n. well u get the point was everything to me who else is making music like this NO ONE that’s who‼️ seungyoun u will always be famous forever n forever i hope he knows that… oh n unfortunately he did not sing hope to be like you for me 😞 or better and better or lullaby or thinkin bout you 😞 but it’s okay we move forward ! he also took the time to read posters n accept song requests n i was really close to him so if i would’ve taken a mexicans 4 woodz/mexico loves u sign he definitely would’ve read it i’m so sad i didn’t make one omg. but he sang short parts of pool n waikiki n better and better n lullaby n deep deep sleep (kind of bc he couldn’t remember the lyrics 😭) n god hijack just came on while i’m typing this it was so crazy seeing him perform this like literally i hit the road running all the fucking time‼️ also he went crazy w ready to fight like he put so much passion into the “shut the FUCK up” part like damn okay.. anything for u king. the whole concert was fun but especially at the end when he performed i hate you bump bump n ready to fight i was so tired but i kept screaming n jumping help. n he was so energetic n happy like i have feelings for this man u don’t understand wayv close ur eyes but this is The kpop man to me n also omg when he opened w busted like i knew he was opening w that song but i still felt like that joker gif where he’s flying backwards like this was soty to me originally until wayv came in w the steel chair but i don’t know u guys woodz might have taken the steel chair out of their hands n used it on them i’ll get back to u on that i’m on a woodz induced high rn so i can’t think clearly wayv i still love u. n omg i saw him sing chaser live. i was singing so loud i felt bad for the girl recording on her phone next to me bc my ass is definitely in her videos singing about breaking down bc what else can i do that’s the song of all time n omg dirt on my leather was so fun literally why u gonna be so sad? rub some fucking dirt on it‼️ seungyoun the rockstar that u are…. n trigger n drowning n i can say this about every song honestly every song was life changing to see live i love singers who sing n i love woodz. i really regret not getting vip i would’ve loved to meet him he was so endearing on stage when he was talking… it honestly feels like a fever dream now like i really saw that man i was there… 🚬 this is so fucking long i’m sorry in conclusion, i’m in love w him i’m obsessed w him i need him badly n he’s a pop rock legend to me forever n ever. te amo luizinho 💙😭

[la-principessa-nuova]

8 & 11 & 37

i'll take these one at a time so i can leave stuff below the fold on each one.

8. any recurring dreams?

yeah, so many. i used to have a lot of specific reoccurring dreams mostly about dragons attacking and hiding under the window while the dragon is peering through outside and then the fire breath is coming around corners and trying to escape from that.

a lot of reoccurring dreams set in school where like i realize i'm naked and then cover up and check my backpack to see if there's like clothes in there or something and then i realize i'm in a dream and if i go under the table i will wake up and then i do but then that's still a dream and i try going under things there and wake up and then i don't know if i'm awake or asleep and it gets progressively more real until eventually it's sleep paralysis and i'm in bed and can't move and then suddenly i can.

there's also one particular recurring theme that I won't get into now because it doesn't seem like something for an ask game response but i kind of do want to maybe talk about in another post because I am curious if any other trans people have a similar experience, which is the recurring SA nightmares I've had as long as I can remember, but especially lately (maybe just bc I started writing down my dreams lately so I'm remembering more).

those are more like reoccurring themes, where it's like the same concept but maybe a little different, but there are also more specific ones that reoccurred a lot, but i haven't been having those ones the last couple years, so i don't remember some of the details very well. i remember the original dragon one was a reoccurring dream like that, where there was like a king on top of a castle in space and time travel and all this ridiculous stuff and it always played out the same way, but i would try to do it differently each time to try to finally beat the bad guy or whatever but it never really worked out.

i also will occasionally have one repeat just like once or twice, usually in a row the same night, so i'll just be like aware that everything that's happening just happened but something went wrong and this time i'm gonna get it right. sometimes it's a few days or weeks later.

my dreams are all very vivid and they get pretty weird and abstract. But lately they've been very, very trans focused. Like there's been themes I could attribute to being trans before, but lately there's a lot more where in the dream world, I'm like, "oh no, i'm going to get outed to all these people!", or dreams that are just a pleasant interaction where somebody realizes I'm trans and treats me like a normal human being. there's one note i found about a dream that's literally just i woke up and realized my hair had grown really long over night and played with it in the mirror doing different styles and trying to figure out how i would explain to my parents why my hair was suddenly long.

most of them are just like complete nonsense though:

like i just found one where i'm just DMing for D20 cast members (except then i'm in the world of the story and i'm a hot genderfluid shapeshifter spy).

And another one that at first was my childhood best friend's family at my parents' house but then i saw a cute girl in a red dress and we hit it off and exchanged info, and then it got dark as i walked back to the house and i saw something move and realized too late that it was a jaguar (i got ate).