#(like. I've bought weed from him if that says anything) and it's not a literal boss situation but technically. That's a factor.

[prolibytherium]

Literally spiraling into a crisis over not knowing how to text like a human being

[vikkirosko]

Hellooo! I've always loved your work so when I saw the new episode of helluva boss, I knew who to send this request to. Can I get a relationship headcanon of Mammon? I really love that christmas tree jester, his accent is literally perfection and he's so adorable. It came out like a day ago but I need more of him alreadyyy. Thank you so much and have a great dayyy/nighttt

🤡 Mammon x Reader headcanons Relationships 💰

You and Mammon have been in a relationship for a long time. You were one of the few inhabitants of Hell who knew all his tricks and manipulations, easily bypassing them and making him laugh. It would seem that everyone in Hell knew about your relationship who had heard at least a little about Mammon. He did not hide your relationship and always took you with him to various social events in which he participated, and always tried to be close to you, not wanting others to take your attention away from him

You were the one with whom he shared his business ideas and the one who was his voice of reason. He had a huge number of business ideas, but you tried to weed out those that were too dangerous or unpleasant. You knew how greedy he was and how he was looking for benefits from everything, but you didn't let him get completely out of control. Every time he caught you at work, when you put his work documents in order, he laughed and hugged you tightly, touched by how much you tried to do everything right, even though you were in Hell

He often distracted you from all things, but you didn't really regret it, because you didn't often have the opportunity to spend time just the two of you. He often tried to make you laugh, saying that you had a great smile, for which he tried so hard to amuse you

Mammon wasn't stingy when it came to you. He was ready to buy you anything, knowing full well that he had enough money to pamper you. You always told him that you didn't need so many things, but he still bought them for you, wanting you to have the best. To the rest of you, you were the most gorgeous couple in all of Hell, but you never gave it much thought

No one could guess that Mammon was sincere about you. However, you didn't care about the opinions of others about your relationship. You knew that he was sincere, because your relationship has already passed the test of time. Even though there were those in Hell who thought he was strange, but you continued to love him and it was mutual

[kobblefort]

Rushsly: The Early Days 3

It's hard for me to believe that anyone actually believes in the things they're selling. I genuinely believe we are basically living in a world controlled by Ed Edd & Eddy except replicated as archetypes onto the entire 'business class' instead of as just three funny cartoon characters. More and more shit is built to break instead of last and half the things people try to sell you literally aren't even real. I mean surely the day traders and NFT hawkers are laughing, right? They've got to be thinking, oh my god, those suckers actually bought it. Now they just have a piece of paper that says "soybean futures." Now they have a little bit of text permanently adhered to a little bit of the internet telling everyone that they own one particular ape PNG. But I don't know because when I try to meet them where they're at, read their Twitters and Facebooks and Reddits and shit, they sould like they actually believe every word of it. I always assume all the jargon is to make it sound more legitimate to outsiders but I guess if you go through all the trouble of learning this bullshit language you have to convince yourself it actually means something. That pieces of paper that say "soybean futures" and claims to owning particular ape PNGs really matter. Nothing in Dwarf Fortress is real either but I don't want to act like it is or make anyone else act like it is. A machine blinks certain patterns of light at me to stimulate my imagination in response to my input. Neither my world or yours will actually be changed by the text and sprites on the monitor. And I don't want to sell you anything. I just want to play with my fake little computer people. You can watch if you'd like.

I forgot our civilization is fucking called The Comedy of Sweating. Here we see the kobolds dancing a jig called "The Pregnancy of Glitter." What the fuck is with our names guys seriously

Armor and weapons are created. Training begins. However the ratfucks have already left the area. It's not really a waste, since I will eventually need the military, but it kind of feels like it, because the ratfolk got to just come in and kill some kobbles and then leave with no bother at all. We've been made Bitches of this world...

The kobbles bury Alzlr tooth-by-tooth. Moods sure are dropping around the fortress! But the worst mood goes to a certain ranger turned guard captain...

In the midst of taking this screenshot, he jumped from the second-worst possible mood to the third-worst, so I guess training is going well for him. It makes sense. When you see people who are like "I pick up heavy stuff and put it back down until my brain stops making the bad thoughts" they do that because it works. You literally can run away from the bad feelings, like physically run, or at least make a really heavy dumbbell go up and down, you can just take a brisk walk away from the bad feelings. It's very frustrating that it works this way because the very last thing you want to do when you have the bad feelings is do the things that meaningfully get rid of the bad feelings. It's easier to just drink alcohol but then you just feel even worse later. I don't understand people who smoke weed to "get away from their problems" because I literally become my problems, I get high and scared and the only way to fix it is to clean my apartment and make active steps toward getting my shit together, but I guess some people do smoke weed to specifically not do that, and that's probably bad too, but I don't know, it doesn't seem as bad as drinking I guess.

I've come to the opinion that everyone in a green shirt is useless to this fort. Animal dissectors, hunters, whatever, we really don't need that shit.

Working on some upstairs fortification and suddenly we are menaced by a fucking Werebeaver. I wish I got a screenshot of it but things happened real quick.

A hunter and a peasant run out on the bridge to fight it there, which is both the worst place for them to do it because they will be crushed and instantly deleted by the moving bridge, but also the best place for them to do it, because the were-beaver will also be crushed and instantly deleted by the moving bridge. And so, both the were-beaver and any potential infected it created are obliterated with minimal casualties and the single pull of a lever. Look yeah it's fucked up as hell but I've seen too many fortresses go down over were-beasts. The last time I had to do the trolley problem for a video game was the quiz at the beginning of Prey and that hardly counts. It's better for any potentially infected to die because simply put if they don't there will be way more death. So we say goodbye to a hunter and a peasant (I have to pretend I'm not pleased with this) and life goes on. However the were-beaver got WAY too close to our door, mere tiles away from dooming the entire fort, so I've decided to build some bird towers. "What is a bird tower" you might ask?

I'll get back to you on that, but first I have to memorialize the guys crunched up in the mechanisms of the bridge so that they don't come back as ghosts and haunt us. Seu Dacrilz was apparently a fellow glove pervert - RIP to a real one. 😔

Nobody knew what to say about Gralit, who was a hunter, which, you know, oh noooo, that sucks sooo baaadd haha xx, im sooo sorry. Either way, the catacombs are starting to get uncomfortably full over here, seven occupied coffins and two memorial slabs. I'm going to use the slabs to block them in so that if a necromancer ever attacks they can't raise our fallen homies, and it's also very space-efficient. I'm sure that's cold but I'm following the golden rule on this one. I'm literally an organ donor, the second I die they can cut me right open and start giving out my guts like Halloween candy. I don't give a shit, I don't need it anymore. What's the deal, is it going to make me look fucked up for my funeral or something? I don't care, I'm literally not even going to fucking be there.

So the idea behind a bird tower is that you put some birds on top of a tower. Well, ideally just one bird, but we have a peacock and a peahen, so if we lock off their pen with a nest box they'll be able to have some babies, which will ultimately let us expand our bird tower operations. Animals can "scout" for enemies that don't automatically reveal themselves when they appear on the map but instead need a kobble or animal to actually physically make line-of-sight visual contact with them. The reason you have to use birds is that because in Dwarf Fortress, rather than having to feed birds with tiles of grass, they simply generate insects and other tiny vermin into existence around them, which they themselves eat for sustenance. I've heard they plan on changing this mechanic eventually, but I don't want them to, because it's quite useful and more importantly really funny.

Sparring has begun so "RIP my mentions!!!" as someone who just posted something inflammatory on purpose would say. Unfortunately, unlike someone who just posted something inflammatory on purpose and is very clearly in the wrong, I cannot just say "Alright - I'm muting this now." I don't know how I fucked up my alerts like this or how to fix it but oh well shit happens. It's not that big of a deal. It used to make a little clicky sound every time a move happened which was a that big of a deal but now it's just kind of stopped. In the kitchen I suddenly had an intrusive thought of me taking my chef knife and just absolutely cutting myself into pieces. The imaginary vision of seeing the blade slice right across my eyes is still so vivid that I keep physically cringing, LOL!!!!!

Oh fuck me, more ratfolk thieves. Pretty disappointed in the Bird Tower for missing them completely.

However they were absolutely fucked on by both squads in an instant. A little annoyed at how much bow-bashing I'm seeing, ranged weapons in the current version of Dwarf Fortress are a bit fucked and I'm sure the mods are only making it worse. Archers carrying around bolts and crossbowbolds carrying around arrows, it's pandemonium. Well they'll figure it out. Or they won't.

Dwarves roll into town again. Our economy has been banging hard as fuck lately so hopefully we'll be able to buy up all of their meat and cheese and booze and whatever other stuff looks shiny. To a kobble, seeing a shiny thing is like how playing Xbox 360 is for us.

koble eat chease lol

The dwarves try to hardball us into selling all our ammo to them, but that sounds like a terrible idea, so we just give them more gems. And one stack of arrows, because that was worth 1000* to them, even though dwarves don't even use arrows. Whatever though not my business how you wanna spend your money! We walk away with absolute mountains of fine cloth, meat, fish, and vegetables.

Making steel is taking forever, and trying to move the metal bar stockpile up one floor is a total shitshow so far. Speaking of floors, one simply has to wonder whether it's time to dig for the caverns or not yet. Forgotten beasts and that ugly mold lurk below, but it's also where you can get black and blood-red wood by chopping down mushrooms, so it's impossible to say whether it's good or bad. We haven't actually needed power for anything, the kobbles are doing fine without milling and minecart rollers would be a lot of trouble just for me to fuck up and crash heavy iron minecarts into poor innocent kobbles over and over because I suck at minecarts. I've been thinking about making one of those "minecart shotguns" that just crashes into a barricade and shoots a bunch of spikes or something everywhere, but for now, I'm going to try serrated disc weapon traps because I've never really used them before.

The rainbow worshippers have had a good run of being the only religion with a temple but I'm afraid we're going to have to make at least a "general purpose" temple. For off-brand religions. In case you worship the store-brand god. The Wal-Mart of churches, if you will

Clicking on this random tile is how I found out the emblem of our civilization is three cabbages. That makes me really happy. I just had this idea for the trap tunnel of paving a road into the base with lignite or bituminous coal stones, then having magma waiting behind some floodgates above it so that it can drop down and start the entire road on fire, or at least I think that's how it would work. I'm going to try it out, it'll work in tandem with the iron sawblade traps I think.

Will it actually do anything? Impossible to tell. For once I'm actually kind of excited to get invaded. Speaking of invaders these guys just showed up that are the opposite of that.

Can I be real with you man I don't like what you guys are doing. I don't know if it's weirder or less weird that you milked a more sapient creature than just a kangaroo. I would already not like you milking the kangaroos in the first place but that's just something we do with animals we're all past that I guess. Like if I sold you human milk would you buy it. I don't know. But they had a drake and a goose so fuck it, second Bird Tower complete. The peacock and peahen are sitting on 6 eggs right now but who knows if they were actually fertilized or not.

Let's actually take a minute just to get some zoomed out shots of the base, show what a fuckfest it is.

First floor below the moat level is pretty normal. Just some farms, and then a Craftsbold guildhall that they never really use. I really like diagonal doors, but I haven't actually been using too many in this fort.

Below that, the "throw shit on the floor" floor. Pretty much all furnaces with two asheries, and the stockkeeper's bedroom+office+dining hall (left) and the caravan voice's bedroom+office+dining hall (right (There is no difference besides the color of that one door (They're also a bit shit)))

Catacombs floor. That pit you're seeing in the bottom left was original my garbage dumping pit but then it was kinda where I wanted to put my moat and the kobbles didn't really like throwing stuff into the water for some reason so I had to dig a different garbage pit.

Miscellaneous fuckery floor. This is a nightmare, lol. I wanted to "have fun with organic shapes" at the start but I kind of just made horrific spaghetti. I mean it's efficient spaghetti is the thing, these kobbles get shit done fast. Except steel. That's taking forever, almost 4 seasons since I finally got the steel process started and it's only yielded 80 bars so far. Still I can probably get started on steel weapons soon.

The Merriment Floor. We got our tavern The Permanent Snack, temple to the god of rain and rainbows The Pale Chapel, off-brand church with a window to view into the burning floor trap, and (I really hope I don't regret it lol) and just through the tavern is the Chief's chambers. Yep you can go straight from getting drunk to yelling at the chief, he's literally right next door, he has to pass through the tavern to get to and from his bedroom, we don't let his ass slide for anything!!! If we make it until the Winged One comes over, that'll eventually be their lot in life too. We don't let nobility just slink around private gardens and luxury apartments having secret little meetings here your ass is EXPOSED.

Did one of the kobbles literally do the "bucket balanced on the door" prank. Do you see that shit in the bottom left did they do that??? what the fuck?????

Military area. The archery range is temporarily shut down because I fear I have the "arrows/bolts disappearing through the floor" glitch again (it has happened before) but after a couple seconds of observation the kobbles don't really care that I clicked pause on the zone and will continue shooting at the targets. They do however use the little arrow return gutter downstairs but when there were more targets, more ammo seemed to just disappear. Like there were all 5 targets in a row there for a while and the ammo was just gone.

I still haven't really wrapped my head around how fucking big the iron veins I found down here are. I mean holy fuck we are balling. Ok I ran out of images so that's the end of another post.

[trilliwarner]

purple fits you well 🍂

pairing: chris sturniolo × f!reader

warnings: smoking, kinda smut, oral (male receiving)

author's note: ik i haven't posted in a while but i'm back; i actually don't like it very much and it's my first smut so 🤷🏻‍♀️

«i literally can't stay here anymore» i huff, throwing myself on the only free place on the couch.

«yeah, me too» chris moves his hand to indicate to me to shift a bit so he can sit on the couch as well.

i do as he asked and when he sits down, he brings one of my legs over one of his. «my head hurts» i put my head on chris' shoulder.

he starts to massage my knee «wanna take anything for it? i think i've something»

«nah, i'm good. i can hold it» i say.

«sure?» chris turns to look at me «i have stuff, though».

i turn my attention to chris, lifting my head up from his shoulder, and looking at him a bit confused «stuff?».

«yeah, stuff» he grins and repeats.

i tilt my head, and after a second, i realize «ooh, you mean that kind of stuff».

«yeah, exactly that kind of stuff» chris chuckles «so, you want to?»

«uh uh, yep» i nod my head once and stand up «let's find a room» i take his hand and help him to get up.

we walk upstairs and into a free bedroom, then lock the door behind us. chris sits on the bed in the middle of the room, back against the headboard.

i sit on the bed as well, in front of chris «okay dude, let's do this».

chris takes off from the pocket of his pants a small transparent bag with weed and other stuff. i look at him and follow his movements while he's preparing a cigarette.

«here you go...» chris hands me the cigar, then he takes the lighter and leans closer to light it. i take a puff and then pass the cigarette to chris.

«okay, so» i try to fix my dress, pulling it down «i bought it like a few days ago, but i actually hate it» i huff.

«why did you buy it, then?» chris asks me, clearly amused. i give to him the weed. «you look cute in it, though»

«well, thanks, but no» i shift and sit more comfortable, stretching out my legs.

«purple fits you well».

«it's not-» i look down to see the color of my dress and notice that it is actually purple. i look back up at chris, and it's when i see a smirk appearing on his face «are you flirting with me or what?» i tilt my head and slightly squint my eyes.

«and even if i am?» he takes a puff from the cigarette, smirking more.

i stay quiet for a few seconds, but in this moment, chris grabs my ankles and brings me onto his lap, so i have to straddle him. i spontaneously put my hands on his shoulders, as he brings his on my hips.

«what, wanna kiss me or something?» i ask in a lower tone of voice.

chris shifts his gaze from my lips to my eyes a couple of times. «kinda» he smirks, tilting his head as he starts to caress my sides naturally.

«we shouldn't, though» i let out a deep sigh. «we're both high, and i don't know where it will go».

«this is the point» he leans a bit closer and brushes our noses together. «let's find it out, mh?».

i look down at chris' lips for only a second and then back in his eyes. «okay» i murmur.

«oh, okay, you said?» he smirks. «okay» he murmurs back before pressing our lips together in a kiss.

«chris...» i whisper against his lips.

«what's wrong?» i feel from his voice he's getting a bit frustrated. «i just really wanna kiss you» he trails a few kisses on my jaw before returning to kiss my mouth, deeper than before.

i close my eyes and kiss chris back, wrapping my hands around his neck. he brings his hands to my thighs, rubbing them gently.

at some point, chris slightly bites my bottom lip. «your lips are so soft» he places a few small kisses on my mouth, making me smile.

«are you saying these things just because you're high, or...?».

«no shit» he shakes his head twice «i mean it, i like your lips» another peck on my mouth.

«so what if i do this?» i slowly shift my hand down on chris' body, down over his chest until i reach his waistband. «would you like if i just...?».

he lets out a small gasp. «well, don't do that if you're not planning to continue» he grabs my wrist to stop my movements.

«you want me to continue?» i look in his eyes to try and see some reaction from him.

«yeah, keep going» chris kisses me again and lets go off my wrist, so i start moving my hand lower again.

i tease the line of his waistband with my fingers. i slide my hand in his sweatpants and start to touch him through his boxers. «can you be quiet for me, yeah?» i whisper, breaking the kiss.

chris slightly nods his head. «yeah, i can be quiet».

i pull down his pants and boxers enough to reveal his hard crotch. i take it in my hand, and at first, i start with slow movements. i don't leave chris' eyes even for a second.

«shit» he lets out a gasp and lifts his head up. «your hand is so soft».

a light grin appears on my face. «you like it?» i continue moving my hand up and down slowly.

chris returns with his eyes on me. he leans a bit forward and places a kiss on my lips. «can you use your mouth, baby?».

i kiss chris back and then nod my head, stopping the movements with my hand. i go down on him, trailing kisses over his chest and stomach. i reach his dick and look up at him before doing anything else.

«mh mh» he mumbles, inciting me to continue.

once told this, i spit on the tip of his length and start to swirl my tongue around it, provoking chris to moan.

i start with bobbing my head up and down slowly, looking up to see chris' reaction.

«oh god, you look so pretty» he moans, interlocking our eyes together. he brings his hand through my hair and gently guides my motions.

i slightly start choking around his cock, and chris closes his eyes and lifts his head up, letting out a groan.

i put my hands on his thighs and he returns to look down at me. «you feel so warm» chris moans.

i try not to leave chris' eyes for a second as i start feeling him closer and closer to reach the edge.

«i wanna cum in that pretty mouth of yours» i hear chris murmur in between gasps. «can you let me do it?».

i don't answer the question, but i make my movements a bit faster and also sloppier. after a few more up and down, i feel chris' cock throbbing, and he releases his seed inside my mouth.

i let chris out of my mouth with a wet pop and when i look up at him and see his face, a satisfied grin appears on my face.

chris looks at me and grins back. he leans down and swipes his thumb on my chin. «you did so good, baby» he places a soft kiss on my lips «so good».

[survey--s]

655.

When was the last time you did clay work/pottery? About twenty years ago when I last did an art class.

Do you like art, hate it or just not mind it? I don't really care about it either way.

If you had to choose would you prefer dull pain for 12hours or sharp for 2? Dull pain for twelve hours as you can generally work through it.

Koala or Kangaroo? Neither of them are very pleasant in "the wild" but I guess kangaroos as they're more interactive and can be better with people.

Do you know the words to the national anthem of your country? Maybe the first verse if I really think about it.

Is your country ruled by a president, prime minister, queen or other? We have a Prime Minister and a King.

Does blue occur in your national flag? It does indeed.

Talking of flags. Do you like football/soccer? No. I'm not sure what that has to do with flags though?

If yes, do you play and what position? If not, leave blank. .

Would you rather be a Model, Famous Scientist, Singer or Chef? Chef.

Would you rather be a pilot, crime scene investigator or estate agent? Crime Scene Investigator. I don't have the nerves to be a pilot and I'f find being an estate agent incredibly dull.

Does making others happy really make you feel happy? Sure, it's a nice feeling.

What colour literally doesn’t appear in your wardrobe at all? Orange and brown.

Do you actually read the answers others give to your surveys [I do]? I only really read the answers if it's a survey I've copied from someone and I'm replying to it myself.

Did you ever swear at a teacher in school? Why? Yeah, because teachers pissed me off lol.

Have you ever pricked your finger on Holly or another ‘sharp’ plant? Sure, loads of times.

Speaking of Holly, do you adore Christmas or does it bug you? I like Christmas but I wouldn't say I "adored" it.

Have you ever wrote your own short story? Yeah, I did a lot of creative writing at school/as a teenager but it's not really something that interests me now.

What about a novel? Or perhaps you started and couldn’t finish? No. I don't have the patience for things like that.

Either of the above, if this was the case, place short synopsis here: Nah, it was years ago. I don't remember what they were about.

Do you prefer SciFi/Fantasy/Action/Horror or Rom/Com/RealLife? In terms of...what, exactly?

What do you have a lot of faith in [note: can be anything]? Science.

Think of a material thing you want. Name it here (material, made or bought] A new bed.

Would $100/�60 be enough for this item? Nope.

How about $1000/�600? Hmm, yeah, £1000 would be enough.

Would you rather have a big house, a lot of kids or a high flying job? A big house.

Have you ever been to a creepy/haunted/abandoned place? Yeah, creepy/abandoned places - I don't believe in hauntings.

What did it look like and what were the circumstances? ...

What’s your favourite dip? It depends on what I'm eating and what my mood is in.

Chocolate Cookies or Fudge Brownies? Chocolate cookies.

I give you a little baby puppy. What do you name him? I only name my animals once I've met them.

Is crime a big problem in your area? Nah, not really. The only real issues are maybe weed and kids riding around illegally on scooters.

What’s your town/city most well known for? Being a deprived ex-mining town.

Do you know a Jack? What’s he like? I have in the past but we're not in touch anymore. I think he has a kid now and he has a lot of tattoos.

How about a Lisa? What’s she like? Yeah, we met through our beagles. She's lovely but quite introverted and not very easy to talk to.

Are most your friends older, younger or the same age as you? They're a mix of ages.

Do you subconsiously hang out with those with the same starsign as you or as each other, perhaps due to certain personality traits? Think about it: I don't give a shit about what starsign anyone is.

Name 5 objects that you don’t have but would like right now? A new Xbox, a new bed, a new bathroom suite (if that counts as one object), one of those hanging chair things and a new oven.

When you have children, would you like twins? I have zero desire to have any children.

Do you know any twins? If so, what are they called? Yeah, several sets. Charlie and George. Jack and Harry. Triplets called Abigail, Harriet and Oliver.

If you were given the choice to choose your childs gender, would you? I don't want children, but I don't agree with gender selection as a concept. It's messed up.

What instrument would you love to learn how to play? Guitar.

Does the sound of knocking/tapping startle you? No, it's just annoying. Especially when people tap their pen or whatever while they're thinking.

What’s the scariest story/urban legend/creepypasta etc you heard? The one about a Tulpa. It really freaked me out, hahah.

Do you miss someone currently? No.

When was the last time you were in hospital? What for [if comfy saying]? About five years ago for a pelvic ultrasound.

When was the last time you went to the dentist? Last December. I'm due to go again in about six weeks.

Do you get along well with your family doctor/your doctor? I don't have a specific doctor, I just go to see whoever is available.

What personality trait does nearly everyone in your family seem to have? Hmm, I don't think there is one, really.

The surveys ended. I hope you enjoyed it. :) Sure.

[sasquatchboobs]

Just venting:

I have been trying to invest in more natural fabric clothing, so when I go to the thrift store I prioritize pieces that are wool, linen, silk, cotton, etc. I've been trying to make my secondhand clothes last longer, so I've been investing more time into laundry as well. I bought some Woolite to be able to hand wash some more delicate pieces, and today I was going to do that. I go to grab the bottle of Woolite and... It's almost empty. I haven't used it once since I bought it about 3 weeks ago, and yet there is maybe one capful left in the bottle. Did it leak? Fall over and spill somewhere?

Nope. Guess who decided to grab the bottle without reading it and pour like a cup into his laundry every time, in addition to the usual pod of detergent??? Maybe I could laugh it off if he admitted it and apologized. But I asked if he used the Woolite, and he got all defensive and said "like barely once, a few months ago, why are you freaking out it's just detergent" (obviously a lie, both the "barely once" part and the "a few months ago" part, as the first time we've had any Woolite in the house is when I bought it 3 weeks ago).

I'm just tired. Tired of him treating anything I buy like it's his, while being super protective over "his" shit. Tired of him getting defensive when I non judgementally ask a question. Tired of him assuming I don't know when he's lying to me.

Like, he literally cut me off from smoking any of "his" weed, that I would give him money for, because he didn't think I "appreciated" how much he was spending on it. Turns out he can easily still smoke $300 a month by himself while I'm out here spending like $80-100 a month on my own shit. But will he ever admit that? Of course not.

Oh and let's not forget his precious computer. Once I accidentally stepped on a cord (dozens of which crisscross the floor haphazardly) and it powered off his computer (it had already been asleep). He flipped his shit and was SO worried about it, telling me, "you have to be more careful, that's like $5000 worth of equipment that you could have ruined" and I felt really bad. But then I realized,

1. Why is the power cord, and others, crossing the middle of the room where it's a tripping hazard in the first place, and

2. He wouldn't even spend $500, a tenth of that, on the engagement ring I wanted.

My ring is a no-cost, dinged-up, hand-me-down from his POS dad that his mom didn't want and never got around to pawning. It's missing stones and doesn't fit me; but would he spend $50, just 1% of his computer to at least get it resized so I could wear it without it falling off? Nope. Would he pay to replace the missing stones so I wouldn't have to be embarrassed to show it to people? Nope. I guess I'm not worth even a small fraction of what he'll pay for his computer, which he spends more time with than me.

I feel like he says I'm his #1 priority, the most important thing in his life, but his actions don't back those words up. I think I'm just convenient to have around, to talk at, and to pester for sex before going back to his games and ignoring me.

[flameontheotherside]

Tools of trade!

When I was building my telepathy I used my hand painted alphabet board with the lords prayer inscribed on it. It is important to me that I infuse love, intent, and light energy while creating my boards. This sketchbook "Erik book" is full of other colorful boards and sketches. Lots of ideas I had for designing my own tarot deck. Never finished of course.

I like pendulums like these because it gives more weight. They are heavy and I like that the tip is metal. I've also dropped the rose one several times without it completely breaking. There are cracks however. I can also take the balls out (lol balls) and use them as necklace pieces. 😅👌

Then I have my pendulums. I have a Jasper Quarts somewhere in a bag but I keep these two in my pillow. I've had the rose quartz for a while and just bought a amythest one. Erik took to the Amythest right away.

The process I go through introducing my pendulums is simple...

I place the stone in my left palm and cover with my other hand and say the lords prayer.

Then to pair up my stones with my book. Its like pairing up a Bluetooth device. I hover the crystal over my "Erik book". Usually it won't move right away but I would let Erik help me hook up the crystal. It would spin for a second as if to say "pairing" and then go up and down to let me know it's "paired". I almost never have to repeat this process. Unless I've not used the crystal in a long time. Again like when you unpair your Bluetooth, you have to then pair it up again.

Cool right?

To keep my crystals in tune with me and my book, I stick them in my pillowcase.

I don't NEED my Erik book but I like the action of using it and my pendulums. Sometimes I'm unsure of what I hear and if I'm too tired or emotional, sometimes the book is helpful.

While I was homeless or especially in a place where using my book was unsafe or not "good", I would plug my ears with earplugs or tap my foot against something. A metronome or sound of my heartbeat can help me focus enough to "hear" Erik so we would talk then. I learned this method on accident. Let me tell you!

It fucking terrified me at first.

Erik had to calm me down but he couldn't because I couldn't believe what I was "hearing". I literally wasn't ready. But I guess I was because it happened over 2 years ago and I've relatively gotten used to it. Actually proud of myself. It takes practice and trial and error to hear correctly. Sometimes I'd ask him for a sign. So I'd see 147 every time I heard him correctly and noticed that when I didn't hear him correctly it was fear I was listening to. Not love. Just fear. So when fear is present I know it's not him. It's me being me.

So the first time I was afraid because it happened for the first time, and I was not used to it coming from a skeptic background. I thought I was going insane or I smoked too much weed (weed actually is helpful for me if smoked in modest amounts). There IS an exception...I mean wouldn't it freak you out if you grew up believing this shit wasn't "real"? In spite of being afraid the first time I felt Erik lovingly guide me through it but I was in such a stage if shock I couldn't bear it.

It took a couple of weeks.

Being able to hear him meant I can hear him hear my thoughts! I had to quickly learn how to get over myself. I have a lot of insecurities and there are somethings I rather not talk about. Yet he was there now and...

...what did he want to do?

He fucking wanted to talk about my insecurities! 😭

I was like...whhhhyyyyyy? And as usual he says, "Whhhhhhhy noooooot?!" I'm not kidding. It was not comfortable. But over time I have gotten used to hearing him. If something bothered me, he'd want to talk about it. He's like my Jiminy criket.

But he's had to learn too! Boundaries. Yup...I had set up ground rules at first. He wasn't allowed to mention anything I wasn't in the mood to talk about yet. Only when I specifically bring it up. He was not allowed in my bathroom for any reason but he was allowed everywhere else.

Now these days he has full reign.

He's been good about giving me space when I need it. How would you feel if your taking a massive shit and some spirit wants to talk about your dietary needs and remind you the importance of driking water! 😆🤣 Or when you're whiping your ass and he goes, "You missed a spot." Yes! That really happened 😳. 😭 He cracks me the fuck up. I can't get mad at him anymore like I used to. I just go with the flow and laugh.

😘💕 I love yall!

[flowers-that-i-sent]

Tw: domestic abuse/stalking/hallucinating/drinking/ednos/ drugs/ptsd

*going to continue at some point*

*tldr: my abuser has been dead for years but I see his face everyday on strangers. I just saw him walking a dog down the street and its triggering me to isolate and be mute right now.

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When I was in my late teens I started to date this guy. He didn't really like me and idky he even played me out the way he did. I persuade the relationship and asked him if we could make it official. He said no but literally a minute later agreed. I barely remember how long we were together before he tried to call it off.

My dumbass begged him to give me another chance. It was obvious he didn't want to but again agreed.

[This was my fault. If I didn't beg for another chance things wouldn't of gone so far]

The next few months we started drinking more. His spit fire tongue turned towards me weekly. Daily. Hourly.

Coming from a home of verbal abuse i ignored it. It was normal.

I started to believe the horrible things he would say to me.

"Stupid."

"What were you thinking?!"

"Goddd!!" Followed by rolled eyes

Pokes my fat. "Eewwww!" Followed by a disgusted face.

I didn't realize it at the time but he was trying to push me away. Im assuming at least. Who would say those words to someone they wanted in their life.

When summer came things became more intense. He started obsessing over me now. I've gained about 30lbs from drinking and a poor diet. I was about 18 when I dated him and had little care about my appearance. I had less knowledge of health, fitness, and diet then I did of basic aesthetics.

Even though he belittled my appearance he didn't want me to leave him. After each public fight in front of his friends he pull me to the side and beg me not to leave.

Now, I can't remember if this part is in my head or really happened. I remember feeling like he said no one would want me because of my weight. This was around the same time I found out he was cheating on me. The girl was small. Blonde. Firery. Pretty in a whorish way.

He admitted to it the night it happen and apologized. We decided to work it out. And by working it out I mean I ignored him as he wildly cheated on me.

He continued with the Blonde. She knew of me. Who I was. That I was dating him. She projected flout on the outside and raging jealously on the inside.

She spat on me. She spat in my hair.

She walked away while pointing and laughing. The coward ran into her friends house before I could even get out of my seat.

He did nothing but sigh.

And we drove off.

_________________________________________

We ended up at a good friend's house. I told her what happen. My friend wanted, and would of, kicked her ass but I said I would take care of it. She expressed how I would let it go. How I was too nice of a person to do anything.

She was right. I let it go. This lead to a new depth to the abusive wedge I allowed into my life.

I am now a doormat.

The guy continued to cheat: tall, cute, super thin brunette; average height, pretty, super thin black hair. Besides their pretty faces they all had one thing in common. They were underweight.

I was still overweight and I thought he would stop if I lost the weight. So, I started doing something I haven't done since I was a child.

I stopped eating.

The weight slowly started coming off but I still ate like a pig (in my mind at least). I remember the day I decided to puke for the first time.

After I dropped everyone off for the night I bought a large sub, diet soda, and some breakfast sandwiches. I parked my car near a lake i did homework at and inhaled the breakfast. Grabbed my plastic bag and put my fingers down my throat. It hurt so bad. I teared up. I choked on food. I continued to eat. And I continued to force it back out.

It was working. I was losing weight. The restricting. The puking when I ate bad foods. The weight was coming off and people we noticing.

The Blonde who spat on me didn't even recognize me at a party. I remember her looking me up and down with a wtf expression. He still cheated on me with he though. He still cheated on me the the Black Haired girl.

As I lost weight he became more insecure. His abuse turned from verbal and emotional to physical. He always had a hint of control hovering over our relationship but that wasn't enough.

I can't remember when in the relationship it started but I remember what he did.

Pushing against the wall.

Head bunting.

Knife to throat

Attempt to crash my car while I was driving.

Guilting me to have sex.

Grabbing onto me until I said I wouldnt leave.

Blackmail.

One day I finally got the courage to leave him. I noticed other guys started looking at me. I was done. I knew I was finally pretty enough for someone else to love.

________________________________________

I decided to end it in a public place. Bluntly. No words just action.

We met up for lunch at a deli with some friends. I knew he wouldn't get physical in front of them. Just verbal. I ate my protein bar and drank my coffee. His hands were wrapped around my waist. Causal conversations filled the air.

It felt safe.

This was it. This was the time to move. He allowed me to unhook his arms. I started walking towards my car. He knew. I walked faster. Open the door. Got in. Locked it with in less then a second to spare. As soon as the door shut and locked i heard the handle being pulled. I heard the THUD! of the outside door handle drop. Unopened.

I made it.

I turn my engine on and drove off. He tried to stand in my way but I didn't care I would of driven off with him on my hood if it came down to it. Thankfully it didn't. On my drive to a safe location I was crying uncontrollable. The feeling was unreal. He called me on my cell phone minute after minute after minute. He continued for 30-60 minutes.

Now here's where there were more problems.

All of our friends were OUR friends.

I tried to stay friends with them. I even dealt with the fact that he would be at some parties months after i left him.. I just had to avoid him. He ended up stalking me. He broke into my car and stole my credit card and license. Said he would steal my identity if I didn't get back with him.

This happened at a real friends house and the cops were called. He was arrested. I didn't see him around for 2 years (he was at a party i was invited to). I cut almost all those mutuals out of my life. They didn't believe me anyway.

See, he was very charming. Very funny. Very manipulative. I was painted as the bad guy. The crazy one that yelled at him at parties. The one that started everything.

_______________________________________

Days turned into weeks. Months turned into years.

I weeded out the people who still hung out with him while I was present. He ended up heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol. As well as myself.

He got arrested.

I got a college degree.

He went to jail for selling guns

I got married.

He took a plead deal and joined the army.

I bought a house and started a family.

He got kicked out of the army.

He contacted me 10 years after I broke it off.

I didn't know about the guns. If I knew I wouldn't of replied to him. I was very court with him.

"I'm happily married. Own a home. College educated. Pregnant with my first child." He respond back but I never answered. I just wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to know that I made it.

A few months later he OverDosed on Heroin.

Before he died I would hallucinate seeing him in cars next to me or in stores. It was never bad. Just once in a blue moon. Now its weekly. Multiple times a week to be frank. And I dont know how to make it stop.

Its also so sad. Even years later no one who remained friends with both of us believes me when I tell them how bad it was. They still mourn him every year while I fear his ghost everyday.

* need to edit later