#(latterly I find myself only being able to ask that Your Will be Done anyway)

[ohuserkant]

I used to think prayer was about talking to God—now I realise prayer is much more about listening to God.

[wunderlass]

I’m feeling so deflated to be writing this post. S1 had its flaws but those could be placed at the feet of a freshman showrunner who could learn from her mistakes going into S2 and up her game. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, and S2 was a mess.

S1 had a clear central plotline: the mystery of Rosa’s death, leading to justice in the form of Noah’s death and Rosa’s resurrection. S2’s central plotline was…um. The kidnappings? Leading into the plot to blow up Crashcon? I think? But there was so much other stuff gong on it’s hard to tell.

Carina – if you happen to come stumbling into the tags for reactions – you’ve already acknowledged that you struggle to edit your scripts down for length. And it does show in the finished product. But you also struggle to edit your ideas down to fit into the episode count you have. There were too many extraneous plot threads this season, too many guest characters, and the ideas you had were shoddily and sloppily executed.

There were shining moments scattered here and there and the occasional good episode, but for the most part this season lurched from badly paced episode to badly paced episode. Stuff was crammed into each episode and yet somehow the plot also treaded water until 2x11 when it all kicked off – and this was because so much of what happened in the earlier episodes didn’t feed into the main plot. Even Max’s death, the overarching motivation for many characters at the beginning, was shoved to the side for other ideas.

And the payoffs for each of these storylines was too often underwhelming. Max can’t come back because he’ll be full of dark energy and a destructive force! Resolved in 30 seconds by him blowing up a pile of stuff. Max can’t remember Liz! Fixed in the same episode. That pattern continued with the finale feeling like it was trying to wrap up all these storylines without really having a story of its own. The various cliffhangers from Crashcon were tied up before the title card and then let’s spend the next 40 minutes treading water again.

There were good moments in the finale. Max and Isobel’s discussion, the Maneforrest kiss, Rosa and Helena’s reunion. But as for the rest? Hear me whine:

-          Jesse’s death was anticlimactic. His line about “no more Manes men” makes no sense given as far as he knew Flint (and maybe Clay?) is still alive. His death should have been poetic because one of his son’s killed him but it didn’t hold the weight it should have, possibly because it came so early in the episode.

-          It would have been far better if Jesse had discovered that Harlan killed Tripp and buried him beneath the shed. How awful would it have been for his entire worldview to be shaken by that revelation? How perfect would it have been if he discovered that Tripp loved Nora? If he died after learning all of that, becoming desperate and sloppy in whatever scheme he was trying to pull off (self-immolation via the bomb?), it would have been a fitting ending.

-          So many characters this season were badly served. Alex, Michael, and to a lesser extent Max, had real arcs and progression. Alex especially you can see them setting up his growth for a payoff in the finale. 

-          Kyle was shafted, shoved to the side for the Steph storyline that didn’t feel like it was going anywhere, and I suspect we got a lot of that cut away to make room for other stories.

-          Rosa’s story started off strong and then mostly got tied into rehab or helping Isobel. Them having her out and about in public in Roswell is complete nonsense.

-          Max had a line for Isobel about her becoming her “entire self” this season, and that rang false to me. We’ve only seen Isobel develop her powers. Her personality has shifted each episode, fractured and inconsistent, dependant on what the writers needed her to do. She didn’t get much of a storyline of her own – the abortion was redundant, serving as a political soapbox for Carina rather than anything that served the character – and while she’s found out more about her heritage, that’s never been as important as Michael or Max finding out about theirs. She said she wanted to become more like her mother and that never went anywhere.

-          I was so hopeful that Carina had listened and understood the criticisms with Maria’s handling in S1 and worked to improve it. She certainly gave her increased screentime. Except, so much of that screentime was tied into Michael, and latterly Isobel. She lacked interactions with Liz or Rosa. She was in two whole scenes in the finale and after she broke up with Michael, she disappeared from the story, and if that doesn’t say it all…

-          And that break-up was contrived bullshit. I’m not saying this as a shipper. It felt like they’d planned to have them break-up in the finale and wrote it even though the motivations hadn’t been properly established. Seeds were sown but they were communicating well as a couple and resolving their issues as they went along. Suddenly those issues got un-resolved and were enough to break them up.

-          The most galling part is that so much of what follows comes from Tripp’s diary, and Maria is excluded. This is her story too! Louise was her great-grandmother! Rather than sitting around her in the hospital room reading this stuff, they do it in the Crashdown.

-          Which fits the pattern of what’s happened all season. Maria found out she was part alien and it was about her powers, rather than her legacy, rather than what happened to her great-grandparents.

-          And it became clear that it was done so they could do the Nora/Tripp and Malex parallel.

-          Which completely solidifies for me where Carina’s priorities lie. She’s been clear that Malex is her favourite ship on the show and Michael is her favourite character. But this season has shown that she’s incapable of ensuring her favouritism doesn’t screw over other characters.

-          The sad thing is this really does show up in marketing. Carina always pushes and praises Vlamis and barely ever mentions Jeanine on her SM. Media outlets write about Malex as the centre of the show and they aren’t supposed to be. We have a sci-fi show with a Latina leading lady and nobody cares – not the showrunner, not the media (outside of Latinx-centric publications), not the fandom. I’m not Latina and it frustrates me so I can’t imagine how actual Latinx people feel about that.

-          Maria was dragged into a love triangle that Carina never had any intention of doing justice to. Maria and Michael were always only ever meant to be a pit-stop on the way to a big Malex reunion. Sadly it’s clear the same goes for Maneforrest. Why write something if you’re only going to do it half-arsed? And it clearly was. That’s why the Maria and Michael break-up was so perfunctory and illogical.

-          While I’m on the subject of Maria – last season Mimi was clearly deteriorating and didn’t recognise adult Maria anyway. Now that seems to have shifted to Mimi’s mind moving through time. It’s still unclear if this is the alien DNA or what was done to Patricia Deluca in Caulfield. I don’t understand why they introduced both elements – apart from being able to give Maria a line about unethical science which OH BOY what a contrast with Liz.

-          Speaking of Liz.

-          Wow.

-          If the central storyline was the kidnappings and Crashcon shenanigans, she really had no involvement with that all season apart from the very end. All the investigation went to other characters. Her mother was involved, but not Liz.

-          Let me repeat that.

-          Our lead character was not involved the central storyline of the season.

-          Alternatively, if you think Max learning about his history, and all of the reveals about 1948, and Maria’s heritage etc etc were supposed to be the main storyline…

-          Doesn’t matter because Liz wasn’t involved in any of that either!

-          Liz was a subplot in her own show after they brought Max back. Hell, she was a subplot even when she was working on that.

-          The narrative focus really has centred on Michael, Alex, and later Max.

-          I wonder what they have in common with each other.

-          If you don’t believe me, check out the screentime figures for this season. Liz had the fourth largest amount of screentime in the finale, and she’s only had majority screentime in a handful of episodes all season (2x01, 2x07, 2x11).

-          And then realise that the plot kept moving after Liz left Roswell. She’s just not part of it anymore.

-          I watched the finale and kept asking myself where Liz was because she kept disappearing for whole chunks of time.

-          She was in her own subplot about science for the back half of this season, and honestly, I’m going to have to write an entirely separate post about Liz and ethics in science because NOPE.

-          Max was right. Liz deserved to follow her calling but she had options that didn’t involve risking the aliens.

-          As such the Echo break-up was stupid but whatever, based on this season I guess it needed to happen.

-          Did Max even care that Liz left? He loved her for twenty years and then when he had her, it didn’t matter anymore? What the fuck? Are we ever going to get answers as to why he fell so hard and loved her for so long, or is the “Malex is cosmic” story more important?

-          Also the whole thing about the Genericorp lady not being interested in Liz based on meeting her at the Crashdown was stupid. You hire scientists based on the previous work they’ve done and their credentials. Diego’s word should have been enough to convince her, and then maybe an actual proper job interview to make sure she was a good fit. Not “let’s sneak into her secret lab to look at what she’s working on”.

-          When Liz does leave, she only says goodbye to Rosa and Kyle. Arturo is mentioned but not seen. Which means the whole ICE sequence this season, which should have been a solid motivation for Liz to take the Genericorp job on its own, has been resolved without a proper payoff. All that stress – scenes that I know felt genuinely stressful to some viewers because of how close to home it hit – and we don’t even get to see Arturo seeing his “genius daughter” leave with his future secured.

-          It’s plausible that Liz said goodbye to other characters – Maria, Isobel, Michael – off screen BUT SHE’S YOUR LEAD CHARACTER AND HER LEAVING TOWN SHOULD CARRY SOME EMOTIONAL WEIGHT FFS

-          Compare Liz leaving and arriving at the ocean to Buffy Summers leaving Sunnydale in Becoming Part 2. There is no contest.

-          It’s clear to me that the audience Carina writes this show for is herself. And that’s fine. Plenty of writers do that. But that means she’s writing a show for the women in fandom who like epic mlm romances with lots of angst. And the problem with that is that this show has a Latina lead who is not being done justice.

-          This is not me railing against Malex. There is space in the show for both things. This is me expressing my frustration at a showrunner and creative team who are not taking care with all characters equally.

-          Carina uses her platform to throw in politics and use characters as mouthpieces without considering their impact. She thinks she’s educating the straight white people in the audience without thinking about how scenes of ICE intimidation, homophobic violence, and racism will affect the people who are impacted by those things in real life.

-          Am I done with the show? Probably not. I’ve got fics I want to write and while I’m not hubristic enough to think I can write better than a team of professional writers, I’m going to at least try and do some of these neglected elements of the show justice.

-          Hubris. Remember when I thought that was going to be a theme of this season? Apparently not. There was no theme, unless “no editing, we die like men” counts..

[babyshawwn]

In This Moment - Part One

Request: Hi. Can you write were y/n and shawn meet on a vacation? thank yu!

Word Count: 1,959

A/N: This has to part, because it otherwise, became too long. Part two will be up tomorrow. 

In This Moment �� Part One

The sharp sun – that non-stop had burning into my skin – headed up my entire body, I took a sip of my water to cool me down. It had been ages since I’d last been on vacation, and this time it was really needed. I had been exhausted for weeks.

“Okay, okay. I’ll admit it, Spain is actually really amazing” I smiled, glazing over at my two friends lying next to me. Sophie rolled her eyes at me, before sending me a wide smile.

“I told you! If you had only embraced it the first day we got here” She mocked me, which made all three of us laugh.

“Can you believe it’s your birthday tomorrow already?” Sarah asked me.

“I feel like you just turned nineteen-“

“This year passed by so fast” Sophie jumped in.

“It’s actually really weird” I agreed. This year, had latterly flown away so quickly, I barely even noticed.

“And we kept you yet another year” Sophie teased, making me roll my eyes at her.

“Yeah yeah, we all know, we’ll be friends forever anyways” I hissed, jokingly at her. Sarah raised her glass of wine, wanting to make a toast.

“Friends forever” Sophie joined and we clinked our glasses together. I loved these two dorks more than anything in the world.

“Girls, I think, I’ll head inside. I think, the sun might be too much for my pail skin” I laughed.

They just nodded at me, continuing pouring down their wine. I grabbed my t-shirt, covering my – already red – shoulders for the sun.

Spain had actually grown on me, during the first couple of days. I don’t know why I had such a wrong imagine printed in my head before coming here, it was stunning. The day Sophie suggested a trip here, I must admit, I wasn’t all for it, but she sure did change my mind.

The water was crystal blue, clear and so warm, the weather was lovely, the sky was always baby blue and the people here seemed so friendly and kind.

While walking around in my own little world, I suddenly passed a sun chair, with a crying child sitting alone. I glanced down at him, before looking around for his parents. He couldn’t be more than two years old.

The little kid was crying hysterically; he was probably dehydrated and scared. His cheeks were burning red and his eyes swollen.

Why hadn’t anyone done anything? This kid was obviously lost and upset, you could tell from miles away. How do you just walk past a crying child?

I bended down in front on him, sending him a careful smile.

“Hey you” I smiled, licking my lips.

“You look so warm, do you want some water?” I asked, trying my best to calm him down a bit.

The little, brown haired kid, didn’t speak, but he nodded carefully at me. I grabbed the bottle of water from my bag, turned the lid off and handed him the bottle.

“There you go” I smiled friendly. He greedily grabbed the bottle and drank every last bit of water.

“Are you lost?” I asked, he nodded again.

“Do you want me to help you find your parents?” He nodded again.

This kid didn’t talk much, huh?

I held out my hand for him to take it, and quickly he grabbed around my fingers. Even his hand was burning from the heat. We started walking hand in hand towards the lobby of the hotel. This beach was private and only for use by the guests, so I figured his parents would be staying here as well.

“What’s your name?” I asked him, sending another smile.

“Lucas” he whispered, almost silently.

“Hi Lucas, I’m y/n” I smiled, giving his hand a squeeze.

***

“Alright Miss, we’ve called his parents’ room now. Someone is on their way” The manager of the hotel said, sending me a calming smile.

“Thank you” I nodded, licking my lips.

I sat down on a chair, with Lucas on my lap, softly stroking his sweaty hair. Luckily, the manager knew where Lucas belong, so he’d been able to call their room. I bet his parents are freaking out.

My own little brother had a habit of going missing. Whenever he saw something, he thought was interesting, he just wondered off.

Lucas didn’t allow me to let him sit alone, he demanded to be held. Maybe, he was scared of getting lost again. To calm him down, I’d bought him an ice cream, which seemed to held. I was stroking his hair, because somehow, it seemed to keep him calm and preventing him from crying.

“Shawn, Shawn!” He suddenly yelled.

I looked up to find a beautiful, dark-haired guy, almost running towards us. I immediately fell for his eyes, they were breath-taking. The guy made it up to us, before grabbing Lucas and hugging him close, kissing his forehead. I got up from the chair, smiling a little.

“Never again, Lucas! Don’t just run off without telling anyone” he said, hugging the little guy.

His eyes then fell on me, which for some reason, made me blush. This bubbly feeling spread around my body, almost giving me chills.

“Thank you so much, thank you!” he said, before randomly pulling into a hug.

“No worries” I assured, as he pulled out again.

“We have been worried sick”

“I can imagine. But it’s a cute kid you got yourself there” I smiled, first him, then Lucas.

“Oh, he’s not mine. It’s my nephew” he laughed, making me giggle too.

Yeah, he did seem quite young.

“I gave him some ice cream, he was literally burning-“

“It’s okay, just.. Thank you so much” he smiled at me.

Gosh, that smile was so freaking cute.

“I’m Shawn” he introduced, holding out his hand for me to take it.

“y/n” I smiled, grabbing his hand shortly. I couldn’t keep myself from staring into those, big, warm eyes.

“How can I even thank you enough for this?”

“Oh, it’s fine. No worries. Just glad he’s back safe”

“Well, let me at least buy you dinner, tonight maybe?” he asked, raising his eyebrow. I bit my lip as, I watched his smile grow.

“You really don’t have to, I really can’t-“

“Yes, yes you can. Please?” he said, licking his pink lips.

Finally, I have in, nodding in agreement. There was no way, I could say no to that face, I mean, just look at him.

“Great! How about we meet up here at eight?”

“Alright then” I said, biting the inside of my cheek.

“Deal” he smiled, as he grabbed Lucas and wondered off.

When they were out of sight, it felt like I could finally breathe properly again. What the hell just happened? I must have lost my actual mind.

I walked up the stairs, towards our room, and I couldn’t keep the smile from creeping in on my face. This annoying, goofy smile, stuck on my face, for the rest of the day.

***

“How about this one then?” I asked, as I walked out in another dress.

I felt like, I’d tried on at least a hundred before this one. I don’t even know why I cared so much, I didn’t even know this guy, but something inside me, really wanted to wow him. Which is like the dumbest thing ever.

“Damn babygirl, that’s it!” Sophie yelled excited. It made me and Sarah giggle.

“It’s stunning, honestly” Sarah agreed, they both made me blush.

“You are so beautiful” Sophie said, pulling me into a hug.

“Alright, alright, enough” I laughed, pulling out. I grabbed my purse and put on some heels.

“Have fun babe”

“I will”

“Look, she can’t stop smiling” Sophie mocked me. I stuck out my tongue at her.

“And if he’s a total freak, scream loudly, we’ll be there in seconds” Sarah said. I knew she was being dead serious.

“Thanks… I think” I said, rolling my eyes at her.

“We won’t wait up” Sophie yelled as I was already out the door.

I took a couple of deep breaths, as I walked down to the lobby. I bit my lip, trying my best not to tumble down the stairs, because honestly, it would be so like me, if I tripped. My eyes quickly fell on Shawn, beautiful, smiling Shawn waiting for me.

As his eyes caught mine, it looked like, he dropped his jaw a bit. He was wearing tight, black, skinny jeans and a black t-shirt. It made him look very classy. Shawn met me half way down the stairs, taking my hand in his, helping me down the last couple of steps.

“Hey you” He said, shyly. It was cute, so cute.

“Hi you” I whispered back.

For a moment, we just looked at each other, smiling like dumb idiots. In this moment, this warm feeling raced around my body, making me unable to function properly. Shawn’s hand in my hand, left my skin burning. Shawn’s eyes were still glued on me, but I didn’t mind it at all. It’s not like I could take my eyes off him either.

“You look stunning” he gasped, as his gaze ran down my body.

“Right back at you” I mumbled, shyly.

“After you” Shawn said and I started walking out the lobby’s doors.

Carefully, he placed his right hand on my lower back, leading the way for me. We walked a couple minutes, before making it to the most incredible restaurant. I almost dropped my jaw at the sight.

“You’re cute when you’re shy” Shawn suddenly whispered in my ear, as he pulled out the chair for me.

It made me bit my lip, letting my eyes flickering at the floor.  This place was so beautiful, we were practically sitting on the beach, you could hear the waves in the background.

“You like it?” he asked, while sitting down himself.

“Yeah, it’s amazing” I smiled, meeting his warm eyes again.

“Can I ask you something?” I suddenly found myself speaking.

“Sure”

“Do you do this a lot?” I asked, taking a sip of the wine Shawn had ordered.

“Do what?” he wondered.

“Ask strangers out? Or lose your nephew?” I hurried to joke.

It made Shawn laughed, while leaning back in his chair. The light summer breeze blew in his dark hair, so his let his fingers run through it.

“Actually, I’ve never asked a stranger out” he admitted, honestly.

“Then why me?”

“To be honest, something about you caught my eyes. I just used you finding Lucas as an excuse” he said, giving me a little smirk.

“I have to admit something as well” I said, making Shawn nod.

“I think, I might know who you are” I said, which made his otherwise beautiful smile fade.

“Who am I?” he asked.

“You’re a singer, aren’t you?”

“Yeah” his answer was stiff.

“I think, my little sister might be obsessed with you” I explained, leaning back in my chair.

“Why did to tell me?” Shawn asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you tell me? I mean, you could have used it, used me” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

“I believe in honesty more than anything in the world” I explained, and then a wide smile appeared on his lips once again.

“So do I” he agreed.

I swear, his smile, was going to be the death of me. Shawn licked his dry lips, like he knew, it would drive me crazy.

Suddenly, Shawn let his hand slide across the table, finding my hand. He interlaced our fingers slowly. A shiver ran through my body, as he stroke my hand with his thumb.

“How would you feel about a walk on the beach?”

“I’d love that”