#(just threw on the liked songs and didnt skip ANYTHING so this was a nice memory lane trip!!) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fatbottombucky · 5 years ago

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Seventeen *Peter Parker x Rogers!Reader* 1/12

Summary: Y/N Rogers is Steve’s Rogers great-great-great niece. Captain America recently became her guardian due to unfortunate circumstance, and Peter couldn’t be happier. Although he’s never talked to the girl, like ever. Due to failing grades Y/N purposes a deal to the young boy, a deal that would see the nerdy boy and popular beauty become close. Too close for Steve’s likening...

~Based upon the song Seventeen from Heathers~

Pairings: Peter Parker x [F]Rogers!Reader // [F]Rogers!Reader x OC!

Ratings: Mature (+18)

Warnings: Violance & abuse; mentally and physically. Suggestions of r*pe, it’s not detailed but there’s suggestions of it. Toxic boyfriend/past toxic family relationships

Authors Note: Also to me reader would be a red head (hence why I use Cheryl Blossom gifs) only becomes Steve’s mother is an Irish immigrant, so red head would run in the family. Reader is in no way described, it’s up to you how she’s depicted. civil war didnt happen

Chapter One: We’re Damaged, Really Damaged.

“H-hey.”

A voice stuttered, pulling you from your stretch. You looked up in time to see Peter blush and hastily pass his camera from one hand to the next, a nervous tremor about him.

“Parker,” you smile gracefully from the gym floor, “what do us Vixens owe the pleasure of seeing you here?”

The light giggles echoed around the gym, only making Peter shyer than before. He fiddled with the camera a bit more, looking down at you briefly.

“Was wondering if I could ask some of the cheerleaders to model?” You tilted your head, red hair swaying with the geasture, “I-mean, I need some shots for a portfolio, models would be nice and I know that Midtown Vixens aren’t camera shy. No one has to, of course, it was stupid. I should’ve just-“

“Peter!” He snaps his mouth shut, “my girls would love to, instagram worthy pics and edited for free, we’re in.”

Peter smiles and nodded, a little sigh leaving his lips. “Cool. Thank you, I’m thinking around free period tomorrow?”

You looked at the girls behind you, normally you have practice but skipping for one photoshoot might be a nice break.

“Definitely, we’ll bring our best clothes,” you smile and Peter nods. “Is there a theme for your portfolio?”

He shakes his head, “I can’t tell you,” you frown. “I’m trying to capture the perfect photos, I have a specific thing in my mind and I don’t want you girls to... fake it. A completely natural, real reactions.”

You smirk inwardly and nod, “okay, you’re the photographer, Parker. See you tomorrow, now leave us Vixies hate being watched as we stretch.” You shoo him away.

He nods and quickly turns, walking out of the gym with a dorky smile on his face.

“He’s such a nerd,” Shay snorts, flicking her dark curls over one shoulder as she stands, “let’s hope he can take some good photos considering he’s always shaking like a leaf.”

“Hey!” You stop the laughter, “he’s a sweetheart. I’ve known him since we were four, I think, he’s just shy.”

Yourself and the rest of the cheerleaders go back to stretching, a normal work-out routine following shortly before you all called it quits. The basketball team had to practice and you weren’t really feeling in the mood to dance, especially with the boys watching today.

“That party last Saturday was wild,” Jess snickered as she took off her cheer outfit, the girls all hollering in agreement. “Y/N, you always manage to drink so much, you need to slow down.”

You let out a breathy chuckle, not facing her, “Yeah...” you trail off.

Honestly, you couldn’t remember what happened last Saturday night. You’d be worried but it had become an occurrence when drinking with the football team, you’d somehow drink more than you meant to, wake up wrapped in your boyfriend but... feeling off.

Jake, always, promised that nothing happened and he kept you safe- the girls all saying how he’d take you to a room or home.

You’re, probably, just paranoid. Your mother used to always warn you about blacking out drunk around boys, how it’s just bad news to get drunk because it leads to bad choices. You never used to be like this.

You quickly got dressed, smiling at the girls before heading out of the changing rooms and towards your locker. The halls were crowded with students that moved out of your way, you tried not to smile at that.

“Hey, babe,” an arm is slung across your shoulders, you look up at Jake and smile slightly, “Miss me?” A smirk turning the corners of his mouth, you don’t answer and scoff.

You shrug his arm off as you open your locker, grabbing your book bag and pencil case as he leans against the lockers beside yours.

“So, me and coupla girls are gonna skip last period, you in?” He asked as you shut the locker and looked at him.

You sighed, biting your bottom lip, “I can’t. I’m failing classes, I can’t afford to skip anymore. Especially with try-outs coming up, around this time I can get demoted or worse kicked from the squad,” Jake only huffs in annoyance, “I’m sorry. Must be really hard for you knowing your girlfriend's parents just died and her grades are suffering.”

“Hey,” he snapped quietly, you looked at him and he sighs, “I just think working yourself to the bone ain’t gonna help ya. Maybe you should step down from Captain.”

You raised your eyebrows in offence. He did not just suggest that!

You had worked your ass off to get Cheer Captain, endured hours of countless routines to get it. Countless competitions, winning six nationals and three regionals, you couldn’t just give it up. You slam your locker closed.

“I’m not quitting,” you declare loudly. “I worked too damn hard to give up now, I’m just going through stuff. You should be supporting me-”

“Babe,” Jake sighed, “I am. I’m on your side, I’m sorry. Go to lessons, I fully support you,” he kissed your cheek and you sigh lightly, glaring over his shoulder at students that watched your outburst.

The commute home was... horrible. The bus was completely packed full of people, a gross older dude kept pressing up into you and almost made you full over. Gross. People are gross.

“Long day?” called as you threw the bag on the floor, toeing off your shoes by the door.

“It’s to be expected,” you mutter walking towards him before falling next to him on the sofa, you glance at Steve, your ridiculously older uncle. “You?”

He lets out a sigh himself, “To be expected,” you both let out strained chuckles.

An awkward silence fills the air. You always knew Captain America as your ancestor, in fact, it was something you celebrated as a child. You were praised at a young age, held on a shine because you were part of a line that was ‘expecting greate things’.

In 2012 when he was de-iced, it took him a while to eventually get in contact with his family. Your parents took to him pretty quickly, you knew why. Glory. Money. Fame. Whatever. They wanted a piece of it, and Steve could tell.

He liked you though. Your fiery temper, bright smile and need to be better, only reminded him of himself.

Then your parents had an untimely death and for a while, you wondered if Steve would take you in. You didn’t expect him to, he is, after all, Captain America. But the thought of going through the Foster system was... not an option. Steve never questioned your lack of grief over your parents, assumed you cried alone and went through your process...

If anything you were relieved. A weight had been stripped from you, the shadow lingered over ahead, threatening to break you still but you always managed to walk on ahead of it.

“School called,” He begins and you sigh, “you’re failing classes, Y/N. You made me a promise when I took you in, that you’d stay on top of everything in order to keep going there. That’s why I got this apartment, for you to be able to go Midtown.” He sits up and looks at your slouched form.

“I’m just having a difficult time,” you mutter and look away, “I promise I’m getting on top of it.”

He sighed and shakes his head.

“I have a tutor,” you quickly inform and he looks at you, “Yeah, I asked some nerd boy today, we’re gonna be studying. I can’t lose Cheer Captain, I refuse.”

He nods once, “Okay, you have till next exams to prove me wrong, I’ll get dinner started.”

You pull out your homework, only nodding in silence as you sit on the floor by the coffee table. You eye the opened file, James Barnes, Steve is hellbent on finding his bestie.

Tomorrow you’d have to find a willing tutor to help you, otherwise, you’re royally screwed.

~tags; comment or message me to be tagged~

@nicnicw06 @missshadowpup @herre-gud-nej @anasteas @letsnottalkaboutendgame @michaels-endtime @spiderchins @emmamarshmellow @romance-geek @thearcticmonkeysbitches @lastkiiiiss @daddyloonglegss

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker imagine #peter parker one shot #spiderman x reader #spider man x reader #peter parker #spiderman oneshot #spiderman imagine

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iamnotbrianmay · 6 years ago

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The A Experience

Summary: The three times Roger's bandmates said 'I Love You' to him, and the three times he said it back.

Notes: I fucking loved this chapter, writing it, planning it, and reading it over and over. I don't know why but I feel like it's the best thing I have ever writen for this story, even if it's just a time skip chapter. Now, I know what you might all be thinking, you are missing stuff, Maria. What about the Moving in? Or the healing on the part of Roger? But I feel like those things deserve their own fanfic, you know? So what I'm going to do is that once I finish this story I'm going to write their stories. I have planned them out completely already, don't you worry.For all of you who want to know their lenghts:

- Moving In - Three chapters (about 10k - 15k) - Aftermath - Five Chapters (18k - 20k)

So yeah, I hope y'all are as excited as I am for these stories.

the taglist goes as follows: @seven-seas-of-why, @twotitsjohndeacon, @dancindeaky, @gee-uloser, @mozzarellamazzello, @mozzie-s, @deracine-dogma-deux, @shutupanddontjudge, @warping-reality, @demianhill , @zodiacal-dust-and-curls

Three Months After the Incident;

Surprisingly, Deaky is the first one to say ‘I Love You’ to Roger.

It’s Friday night, and instead of being out with his friends he’s stuck at the flat with a fever. He’s lying in his bed sick and miserable, trying not to feel like the world is ending when he gets the text message that sets the night off.

—Bri: rogieeeeeeeeeee

Roger groaned as he heard the annoying ping! of his phone. He recognized the text-tone he had set for Brian— it was that alone that motivated him to turn over and grab his phone. As he quickly unlocked it his fever-addled brain reminded him that he would have to text back while looking at the painfully bright screen; something that would not help his current pounding headache.

—Bri: why didnt you coem?

Roger frowned as he read the uncharacteristically bad spelling and grammar in Brian’s texts. It was also missing the ever present addition of ‘—Bri.’ a gag that the older man was adamandant on using ever since Roger had complained about his texting style. Then he remembered that Freddie had taken Brian to the newest bar in town, an over the top place called Verona which Freddie seemed to adore, and left him and John to fend for themselves.

As far as he knew Brian never got drunk, or at least had never had gotten drunk until Roger came into his life, which was something he was not happy about. Not that Roger didn’t like when Brian had fun or went out to clubs with Freddie and John, but he couldn’t help but worry that he was a bad influence; that his actions were mirroring Tim’s.

He blinked a few times, trying to will away the drunken typing, but when he looked back the evidence was still there— as clear as day, and a painful as poison. Roger typed out a quick reply, not wanting Brian to think that he was ignoring him.

Taylor: r u drunk?

Roger started biting his lip nervously, thinking about what would follow next in the line of things that he was going to infect Brian with. His feverish brain was all too happy to provide him with answers; everything ranging from his horrible clothing and love for k-pop (of all things!) to things like smoking, sometimes even the occasional joint or other, somewhat more than harmful, substances.

Brian’s answer wasn’t comforting at all.

—Bri: ts nice!

—Bri: would be nicre if u were heer

Roger shut his phone off without answering. Unable to get comfortable, he threw the covers off and wobbled into the kitchen. So what if he was sick? He was in desperate need of a drink— maybe two—something that had been strictly forbidden by the other boys in the house now that his body was shivering with fever and he was taking medicine for his rattling cough and sore throat.

They had been performing in an outdoor stage a week ago when Roger started to feel this way, light headed and extremely hot. As the night went on he felt progressively worse and by the time they had finished playing he was feeling like death warmed over. After their final song the small restaurant crowd had cheered and while the others had felt high with the adrenaline rush, Roger just wanted a hot drink and a place to rest, like a coffin.

The next morning he had woken up with an aching throat, runny nose and a fever. He felt as if someone was sitting on his chest and was unable to get out of bed without feeling like he was going to pass out. Sleeping alone didn’t make him feel any better; since he had moved in he and Brian didn’t need to share a bed anymore, quite possibly the only negative of his new living situation. Living with them all also meant he had a front row seat to what he had done to the older man and he wasn’t sure he deserved to share his bed anyways.

Roger unscrewed the lid from the bottle of cheap Vodka he had stuffed deep into the back of the pantry and poured himself a glass. He knew his bandmates would give him a hard time if they found out about it, but at this point he didn’t really care all that much. He only stopped when the glass was half full, clear liquid twinkling in the kitchen light, promising some relief. Roger put the cap back on and stuffed the bottle back where it belonged.

His plan to get shitfaced was regretfully cut short when he turned around to find John standing in the doorway, his head tilted to the side and his arms crossed over his chest. His stare wasn’t angry or annoyed, but a mix of curiosity and concern. “I could have sworn we told you not to drink while sick.”

Roger’s fingers twitched as his grip tightened on the glass, a little afraid that John was going to take it away from him.

“I needed a drink,” he explained.

John sighed, nodding for Roger to follow him into the living room, and for some strange reason he followed. They sat on the couch together, legs crossed, then John said something that surprised him, “If you can give me a valid reason as to why you need a drink I will let you finish that glass. I might even join you.”

Roger’s eyes widened, and he was about to ask what had come over John before the younger man interrupted him.

“We will talk about that, or about something else if you want to, until Freddie and Brian come stumbling through the door, after which we become four drunks instead of two. I promise I will do this, but you have to give me a valid reason.”

Ever since Roger had moved in John, though quiet and often introverted, had been extremely supportive, keeping him standing on his own two feet when he started to feel like the room seemed was spinning out of his control. In moments exactly like the one they were having right now. He was staring at Roger with a patient smile, one hand resting lightly on his knee and the other extended so that Roger could put the glass on his palm. It seemed like a fair trade, a reason for a drink. So nodded in agreement and handed John his vodka.

The younger man smiled, placing the alcohol on the table before turning back to Roger and started idly tracing circles on his knee. Roger sniffed twice (damn his runny nose) and thought about what to say. Fuck it he thought, before letting the words pour out of him. It was as if someone else was talking, telling John about his worries and his guilt, but he was still very much present as he watched his friend react to all he was saying. He could the various emotions in his eyes, his expression changing from neutral to angry, then flickering again to sadness. Roger heard his own voice, the tone in which he spoke, soft and sad and urgent— even if he wasn’t quite in control of the words he was saying. What he noticed most of all was how tenderly John reached out with a tissue to dry the tears (when had he started crying?) that were sliding down his cheeks as he spoke.

When Roger returned from his— well he didn’t quite know what to call it apart from an “out of body experience” but that didn’t seem quite right— he looked away from John. Suddenly he was aware and ashamed of the fact that, one, he didn’t quite know what he had said, and two, probably had over-shared to someone who didn’t want to hear his personal battles. It had been different than when he had told Brian, he had been hyper-aware of every word he was saying and how Brian would hear it; making sure that he didn’t make a fool of himself. With John however it was almost as if his mind had switched to autopilot, and he remained unable to act on anything beyond registering John’s emotions and thinking ‘Oh god, what am I doing?’

One moment he was trying to justify his reason for a damn drink, the next he was ripping open his chest, everything bared before John’s eyes. He prepared himself for anger, or disgust, or maybe even John telling him what he most feared; that he was right. He would tell him that he needed to back off; keep as far away from Brian as possible. Instead John, the least touchy-feely member of their group, leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Roger’s shoulders. Putting one hand between his shoulder blades and one on the back of his head, then resting his head on the side of Roger’s neck.

He didn’t know if it was the fever or if he’d always been that soft, but the gesture was enough to break Roger. He gripped the back of John’s shirt and was unable to stop the hot tears that escaped. John simply held him, didn’t pull away or complain about the puddle of tears and snot he was probably making on his shirt; he just let him cry for as long as he needed to.

When he finally untangled himself from John, the younger man pressed their foreheads together, and smiled at Roger, “Y’know, I love you, Rog.” he gave Roger’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

That made Roger chuckle, the last few tears that had been left in his eyes streamed down his face, and neither of them bothered to dry them, “I love you too John, don’t know how we’ll break this to Freddie and Bri though.” John smiled, glad to see even a glimmer of his friend’s regular self.

They stay like that for a few minutes, eyes closed and foreheads pressed together before John pulled back. Roger wanted to whine at the loss of contact, but John took his hand in his instead; it wasn’t quite the same, but it was still comforting.

John took a deep breath, “You aren’t like Tim, you do know that, right Rog?”

Rogers eyes flew open and he looked at John, his grey eyes watching him, his expression serious and sincere. Suddenly Roger feels a flush of anger.

“How can you say that?”

John seemed unfazed by his anger, “I find it quite easy to tell the truth.”

“John—”

“Roger,” His tone is not angry, but he cuts off Roger’s rebuttal. Roger resentfully closes his mouth, his body trembling slightly as John continues. “You are not him. You will never be him. And just because you showed Brian how to enjoy more than one drink does not mean that you are following in his footsteps.”

“But John—”

“Did Brian ever refuse a drink?”

Roger hesitates, “No, but–”

“Did you force him to drink?”

Roger frowned, “Kind of—?”

“Oh bullshit!” John snapped, “You didn’t force him to do anything, Roger. Brian is soft, yes, but he can also be a stubborn son of a bitch. If he wanted to stay sober he would have, be it by telling you to fuck off or by sipping on a coke or something.”

“If I’m not a bad influence then why is he keep drinking more now?”

John shrugged, “Simple, he likes it.”

“That’s why,” Roger insisted, “I did that! Brian liking alcohol is my fault! Just like it was Tim’s fault that I began smoking.”

The silence that followed was deafening and John’s hard stare softened, “Look, Roger I know this will be hard to believe, but Brian had actually tasted alcohol before you came around. I will not sit by and let you torture yourself for something that is not your fault! This isn’t something that anyone can be blamed for alright? Brian is just going out and doing things normal twenty-one-year-olds do. If anything, you helped him loosen up, brought him out of his shell a little. It’s a good thing! ”

“Deaky…”

“No, I’m serious. As long as it doesn’t become a destructive habit, I don’t see any harm.”

Roger thought about that for a moment, “As long as you help him quit if it gets out of hand…”

John scoffed, “Of course we will! That’s what family is for.”

He said it so matter-of-factly, Roger yearned for that kind of belonging. Warmth filled his chest at the thought of someday being part of their family, someday being called Deaky’s brother, or Freddie’s “constant annoyance”. Maybe even Brian’s significant other. But for the time being he would happily settle for friend, roommate, and bandmate. “Now, about that drink...”

John groaned, “I was kind of hoping that you had forgotten about that,” he reached for the glass, taking a swig before handing it to Roger, “but a promise is a promise.”

Roger brought the glass to his lips but hesitated, “Wait, do you think anything bad will happen if I drink while on this medication?”

John shook his head, “Naw, it’s over-the-counter stuff. Not strong enough to kill you, but it’s strong enough to get you hammered faster than usual.”

The grin that spread across Roger’s face was mischievous, to say the least, “Perfect.”

The funny thing was that when Brian and Freddie finally stumbled in an hour later, they were the ones who had to get John and Roger to bed, not the other way around.

Five Months After the Incident:

The next one to say I love you to Roger is Freddie.

The flat was silent when Roger woke up, except for the quiet snores coming from Brian’s side of the room. He rolled over and frowned once he saw the ungodly hour at which he woke up. Still, he was feeling much better after recovering from that god-awful flu and couldn’t help but smile at Brian’s strangely adorable snoring.

Deciding he might as well get up and make some coffee, he peeled back the covers and moved around the room as silently as he could to avoid waking the other man.

As he slowly shut the door behind him and turned towards the kitchen he realised that he wasn’t the only one awake. Usually the most likely to sleep in ‘till noon, Freddie, was deep in concentration; scribbling on a piece of paper, shoulders hunched and hair tied back into a low ponytail. There was soft murmuring every few seconds and Roger decided to clear his throat to avoid scaring him when he walked into the kitchen.

Freddie man turned around, and Roger was quick to notice his watery eyes his slightly red nose. He rushed forward then, placing a hand on Freddie’s back, “Fred are you okay? You haven’t caught my cold have you?”

Freddie made a gesture with his hand, “No, no I’m fine Roger. I don’t know what came over me.”

Okay now Roger was really worried about him. “You don’t cry easily.”

“I know.”

“And when you do, you do it in private.”

“How is it you know so much about me already and we haven’t even recorded our first album?”

“I notice things” Roger shrugged. “And we’ll get there soon. But don’t change the topic, Freddie. What’s wrong?”

The older man bit his lip, looking at Roger with misty eyes before he seemed to accept that Roger wasn’t going to back off until he got an answer. His brown eyes flickered back to the paper on the table and Roger followed his gaze.

It was quite messy, doodles and lyrics seemed twined together in a cacophony of colours and notes, but the song was there. And in between the doodles of flowers, hand-holding, and the disturbing picture of someone with their eyes, mouth and ears covered, were some of the rawest lyrics Roger had ever read.

He could hear the sad notes of a ballad, the sweet puring of John’s Bass and Brian’s Red Special, he could sense the sadness behind the piece, and for some reason dreaded getting to the end.

Then he read the last line and it all made sense. ‘... ‘cause regardless of the words I’ve said, I’ve never had the courage to say I’m sorry.’

He could see how the hands which were intertwined resembled his and Brian’s hands. One had the tell-tale scar that Roger bared on his thumb and the other hand had its nails painted white. The flowers on the sides seemed random enough, but Roger had been around Freddie enough to know anything Freddie drew was seldom random. And only after close inspection did Roger realise that the man looked like him, long blond hair, feminine features, and suffering in silence. He’d known Freddie had a knack for drawing but this was...

They were both quiet for a long time, and Roger wondered if Brian or John would wake up before they managed to say what was on their minds. The words seemed to be stuck inside of him and he found himself unable to drag his eyes away from the paper. Roger wasn’t sure he could speak to Freddie even if he wanted to.

In the end Roger he didn’t have to.

“You know, I never said sorry for what I did to you.” Freddie said quietly.

When Roger finally turned towards the older man he couldn’t help but feel pained, because his friend genuinely believed that it had been his fault, somehow. That somehow Freddie was expected to know that one of his oldest friends was an asshole behind closed doors; and that the world was small enough for Brian’s old crush to be his ex.

“You didn’t need to,” his voice came out as a pathetic croak, and Roger cursed himself internally.

“Of course I did, darling,” he whispered back, “of course I did. If it wasn’t for me you would have asked Brian on that date of yours. If it wasn’t for me, you would have had a nice night, if it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t have—”

Freddie looked away, hastily brushing away a tear that had broken free.

“It was my fault that night went so horribly wrong and the worst part is that I never had the balls to say I’m sorry.”

For the first time in his life Roger Taylor was happy that he woke up at six in the morning and that he had decided to stay up instead of rolling over and going back to sleep. God knows if they would be having this conversation otherwise.

Roger was glad for the quiet of the apartment, for the fact that right now they were the only ones awake. It was only because it was so quiet that Freddie was able to hear the words Roger whispered next.

“Freddie, look at me.”

The singer hesitated before turning his head around, and Roger kneeled beside his chair so that they were at the same level.

“What happened that night was my fault as much as it was yours.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but Roger brought a finger up and placed it across Freddie’s lips.

“By which I’m saying that it’s not your fault at all.”

A loose floorboard creaked in one of the bedrooms but Roger ignored it for the time being, knowing he needed to get this off his chest.

“It’s taken me months to realise it, but what happened that night wasn’t anyone’s fault but Tim’s.” Roger finally lifted his finger off Freddie’s lip, “It took me months ‘till I realised that, and it may take you months to realise that too, but that’s okay. I’ll be here to remind you if you ever doubt it.”

There was a short silence before Freddie smiled, “I should be the one comforting you.”

“Nah,” Roger said, for the first time in months not feeling like a fragile mess.

“I’ve had more than my fair share of comforting words. Now it’s time for me to comfort you. This friendship goes both ways right?”

Freddie blinked owlishly, which was a very rare expression for him. “What did we do before you came into our lives, dear?”

“Crash, burn, and tease poor Brian mercilessly?” Roger shrugged.

They both started laughing at that, Roger leaning forward to put his head on Freddie’s lap and Freddie running his fingers through Roger’s blond locks, “Seriously Freddie, you don’t have to sorry.”

“But what if I want too?”

Roger considered that for a moment, “Then I guess I’ll take it. But only if it’s the last time you say that to me, deal?”

“The last time ever?”

“No dufus, about this particular topic! I’ve known you for a while now, give me some credit. You’re bound to fuckup something sooner or later.”

There was a short breathy laugh that filled Roger’s heart with love, and then Freddie bent down to press a quick kiss on his head. “I’m sorry, darling. For everything.”

“I know, Freddie.” Roger answered, “And it’s okay, I forgive you.” It was odd how much lighter things felt between the two of them.

For a second Roger wondered how he had gotten so lucky, how he had managed to find this small home away from home, this group of people which he understood so well. His boys, who he could fight with and insult, only to make up a few hours later as if nothing had happened. Roger also wondered how he had survived before this, before them.

“You know, I’m starting to have these really cheesy thoughts about how much I love you,” Freddie whispered as he resumed running his hands through Roger’s hair, and Roger’s feelings seemed to be amplified by three hundred.

“Oh good god,” he said teasingly, his words slightly muffled, “ you and John!? Now we’re really going to have some explaining to do to poor Brian!”

Freddie smacked his head playfully and Roger chuckled. “I love you too, Fred. Very much.”

There was another long moment of silence in which Roger considered closing his eyes and drifting off. He wasn’t comfortable, or particularly sleepy, but Freddie’s hands worked like magic on him, and the only way he managed to snap out of his haze was when Freddie spoke again.

“Okay, I know Brian said pestering you was completely off limits, but honestly darling I’m dying to know.”

Roger regretfully lifted his head to look at him, “What’s up?”

“Are you in love with him?” Freddie asked, “Or do you at least like him a little bit after all this time?”

Roger realized he didn’t feel uncomfortable talking about this with Freddie. Maybe it was the honest curiosity in the man’s voice, or the way that they seemed to be baring their souls for each other to see this morning, but Roger let out a dreamy sigh.

Then wrinkled his nose at his reaction.

“Freddie you have no idea,” he groaned, getting up and sitting up on the other chair so that he could look at the older man. His voice was no longer dreamy, it was rather like he was annoyed at himself, for betraying his feelings so easily, “I think he’s making me stupid! I really can’t find another explanation for what I feel. It’s like he walks into a room and it becomes brighter, he plays guitar and it sounds perfect, and he smiles— oh god, don’t get me started on his smile.” His head hit the table with a soft thunk.

Freddie chuckled, “You really are fucked, aren’t you?”

“Beyond belief,” he answered, matter of factly. He looked back up, “Honestly, Fred, it’s gotten ridiculous! That man could ask me to roll around on the floor like a dog and I wouldn’t even bother to ask what for.”

At that Freddie laughed loudly, throwing his head back and bringing a hand to his chest, while Roger sat across from him feeling pathetic, “It’s absurd, it really is.”

Freddie looked at him slyly, “Then tell him.”

Roger could feel his heart start to race, could hear the heavy beat. The thought of being Brian’s something terrified him beyond belief, made him feel like he was standing on the edge of a precipice, one step from plummeting to the ground. His palms actually started to sweat. Roger often thought of relationships being somewhat similar to base jumping. You put your life on the line to jump into the great unknown, all the while your actions or a faulty parachute could mean the difference between life and death. How could you do that when you don’t know how it’s going to end? Roger felt like he couldn’t rely on himself not to mess things up epically. For one, he didn’t really know how to be in a relationship. For another matter, did they ever really go well? Looking back at his past experiences, Roger just wasn’t sure.

He couldn’t do that to Brian, could he?

He couldn’t risk starting a relationship, all the while lugging his emotional baggage, his uncertainties, and his broken way of handling romantic feelings. Hell, Brian himself had admitted didn’t know what he was doing! It was terrifying and tempting at the same time because while he wasn’t sure he could give Brian what he deserved, god how he wanted to try.

“You’ll never know until you do,” Freddie said. Oh god, Roger didn’t realize he’d said that last part out loud. “I may be a hopeless romantic but I care about my friends. You and Brian have something darling, don’t you think that’s worth the risk?”

“You think?”

“I know,” Freddie stated, “and I also know that whole ‘If you really love them, let them go’ thing is absolute bullshit, and I will murder you if you try to do that to Brian.”

“You wouldn’t murder me,” Roger said confidently.

“And why not?”

“Simple,” he replied, getting up to make them both some coffee, “who is going to help you choose your outfits? Deaky? Brian?”

Freddie made a face, “Goodness, you’re right, I can’t murder you. I’ll find another way to get you Taylor!”

Six Months After the Incident:

Unsurprisingly, the last one to say I love you is Brian.

They’d just finished recording the first song for their album after hours and hours of recordings and lyric tinkering. But by the end of the night Seven Seas of Rhye was finally ready. Which meant they only had nine more songs to record before their first album would be complete.

Brian and Roger were under direct orders not to go inside the flat that evening unless they wanted to hear things that might scar them for life, so after recording they took off to find a nice place to eat. Somewhere they could celebrate this (significant!) small victory, their one step closer to fame and notoriety.

They walked around downtown, searching for somewhere that looked decent but cheap enough for them to properly celebrate, and in the end they settled for an 80’s themed restaurant. The bright lights and colours drew them in, and they stayed because of the smell wafting from the kitchen.

The place looked promising, with reasonable prices, great music and greasy food that seemed perfect for the occasion. Rogers stomach started growling at the prospect of a burger and fries. They slid into a booth, and he started tapping a rhythm on the rubik's cube themed table.

“D’you think we would have fit in more in the eighties?” Brian asked randomly.

The question took Roger by surprise, but he didn’t have to think twice about the answer, “Are you kidding me? Of course not! Are you crazy? What would people in the eighties think about four gays in a glam rock band? The press would have eaten us alive!”

Brian laughed, then shrugged, “I guess you have a point, but our music fits the era quite well, don’t you think?”

“Oh, perfectly,” Roger agreed, “And so do our stage costumes. But then again, I’d rather not be closeted and miserable, thank you very much.”

“What concert would you have liked to play in?”

Roger raised his eyebrows, “Is that even a question? Live Aid, of course.”

“‘Cause of Led Zeppelin?”

“‘Cause of Led Zeppelin.” Roger could imagine himself on that stage, playing for millions of people, and breathing the same air Led Zeppelin had done a few hours before, “I could kill a man to be there.”

“So could I.” Brian agreed.

The waiter arrived with the menus, interrupting their conversation, and started talking to them about the daily specials. They ended up ordering the chef recommended hamburger with cheese fries and a milkshake to share. He smiled and left them alone to discuss whatever they had been before he had arrived, walking away with a suggestive swing to his hips, and a wink towards Brian.

Roger could see the man’s appeal, his sandy blond hair, large brown eyes and long limbs. If his heart hadn’t been completely enamoured with Brian he might have even thought about asking for his number. But how could he? The guitarist was right there, looking like an 80’s god in his loose white shirt, chocolate-brown curls framing his face. Brian, however, seemed very affected by the waiter’s attention, Roger could see a blush blooming across his cheeks.

The younger man could hear his heart, and Freddie for that matter, screaming in protest as he placed his hands over Brian’s, “You could ask for his number, you know? I don’t want to stand in your way.”

Brian frowned and tilted his head in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

Roger nodded his head towards the counter where the waiter was leaning, talking to the chef, presumably about their orders. “About blondie over there. He looked like he was interested in getting more than just your order.”

“Yeah well, he should know better than to hit on someone who’s clearly taken.” He said indignantly.

They both fell silent, the implication of Brian’s words finally hit him, and the night rapidly turned into a game of who could blush the deepest shade of red.

“ Oh god, that’s embarrassing. I’m sorry Roger. And rude, definitely more rude than embarrassing. I know we’re not, you’re not not my anything yet but I sort of— I don’t know what came over me, Rog, I’m sorry.”

The thought came unbidden Brian’s so cute when he’s jealous and Roger couldn’t contain the giggle that bubbled up in his throat. It was a nervous little thing, and it escaped him without his consent. But once he started he couldn’t stop, even though he knew how embarrassing he must sound; because of all the things he could have done, his body decided to start giggling like a twelve-year-old school girl.

And as much as he loved the way Brian was looking at him amusedly, like he had hung the moon and stars, it was very much not funny. He looked like an idiot, he sounded like an idiot, and he couldn’t stop the bloody thing from escaping his lips. He tried covering his mouth with his hand, but to his dismay Brian just seemed to think that was cuter judging by his expression.

“Oh Lord,” He said between giggles, “I hate myself.”

That seemed to be enough to make Brian join in. He started to giggle quietly, trying to cover his face with both hands, and failing miserably to contain the sound of laughter. Maybe it was how tired they both felt, maybe the lack of sleep from trying to work, study, and record an album was finally catching up to them, or maybe it was the emotional exhaustion from trying so hard to repress their feelings for each other’s sake. But by the time the waiter came back with their food they had barely said another word, yet their stomachs hurt and their eyes were wet with tears caused by laughing for so long.

They managed to contain themselves long enough to thank the waiter, but once he had left Brian looked at him with twinkling eyes, and a mischievous expression. Roger wiped his eyes, “Brian, no. Please stop. It hurts.”

The older man put his hands up, “I’m not doing anything! I was just trying to apologize seconds before you had your hysteria attack.”

“Yeah well,” He tried to defend himself, “you started laughing with me!.”

“Couldn’t help it,” Brian said, “You’re just way too cute.”

Suddenly Roger didn’t feel like laughing anymore. He blushed madly, looking down to his greasy burger and french fries. Brian seemed to sense his change in mood, and instantly tried to make it better, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me tonight. It seems I can’t help but put my foot in my mouth!”

“It’s fine, really Bri” Roger said as he stuffed a fry into his mouth, “I’m just not used to being the one blushing.”

“Oh,” Brian raised his eyebrows, “How so?”

Roger rolled his shoulders “Well, I’m usually the one doing the flirting, and not being a mumbling, blushing, mess. I guess you’ve changed me, Brian Harold May.”

“Have I?”

“Greatly,” Roger looked up at Brian through his lashes, the older boy was looking at him with curiosity, “I didn’t think I’d ever want to have a relationship with anyone after— well, you know.”

He stuffed another fry into his mouth, chewing and swallowing it before continuing.

“Ever since I came out of that shithole I’ve been a shag and run kind of guy. Never thought I would like someone as much as I like you.”

“And that’s why you’re trying to set me up with the waiter?”

Roger shrugged, “I don’t think I deserve someone like you. I don’t deserve you waiting for me, taking me out, indulging my tantrums and moods. I’m not worth all of this, Brian.”

Brian May never cursed openly in public, so when he felt the guitarist grab his hand and say “that’s bullshit”, he knew he was in for a rant. Roger braced himself for an angry explanation of what the guitarist thought about what Roger had just said. Maybe with a few ‘Deaky warned me about this’ thrown in there, but what he received was much better than he had expected.

“I love you, Roger Taylor,” he started, and Roger snapped his head up so fast he nearly got whiplash, “I love you for everything you are, and everything you aren’t. I love the way you play drums, the way you care for people, the way you smile, the way you giggle at the most inappropriate times. I just so happen to find you the most interesting person on the face of earth. And if that’s not worth waiting for, I don’t know what is.”

“Brian, I—”

“No, let me finish,” Brian interrupted him, “I know this might seem silly, or straight up delusional, coming from someone you only just met seven months ago, when you pretended to be my boyfriend, but I think I think I’m falling love with you. No, I know I am. So stupidly ass-backwards in love that I am willing to wait for you. And if I have to wait fifty years for my first proper kiss, or my first proper shag, then so be it.

I waited three years for someone that wasn’t worth it, I can wait a hell of a lot longer for someone who is worth everything.”

That was the first time in Roger’s life that he was left truly speechless. Sitting in the middle of the night, eating the best french fries he had ever had, looking at Brian May as the other boy stared at him like he was the most precious being in the universe. He felt as if he had forgotten how to speak, forgotten how to move, how to breathe, how to think.

His brain was short circuiting as he tried to find an answer to what Brian had just said, and then when his brain seemed to fail completely he opened his mouth and let the words that first came to mind spill, “I...I love you, too.”

“Good,” Brian leaned back and popped a fry into his mouth, “that’s all I could hope for.” He grinned.

“But I’m not ready yet.” Roger cautioned.

“And that’s okay.”

Roger blinked once, “Are you kidding me?”

Brian raised an eyebrow, “Does it look like I’m kidding?”

“No.”

Brian took another sip of the milkshake, “That’s because I’m not. I was serious about waiting for you to come around. I’ll wait for as long as you need me to wait, as long as you love me too.”

Roger mulled over the idea of Brian’s love; his unorthodox, patient, unselfish way of loving. He’d wait for Roger until he was ready. That was...wow...he felt like he was floating, like the ground and all of his troubles were thousands of miles away as Brian smiled encouragingly back at him. He felt his heart flutter with something that felt suspiciously like hope.

“You really don’t mind?” He asked again

Brian shrugged, “I’ve survived twenty-one years being single. I think I can manage a few more as long as I get my daily dose of cuddling.”

He could tell Brian was joking about the last part by the glint in his eyes, but Roger smiled nonetheless, and nodded, “ I may, on occasion, need to hop in with you and take you up on that.”

“Good.” Brian grinned.

They ate the rest of their meal with an easy banter between them, chatting about everything and anything. Roger felt his shoulders relax, and his mind completely invest itself in the conversation. Brian animatedly talked about stars, and guitar chords, then about songs about stars, and Roger couldn’t help but feel that even with all the drama that had resulted, he had made the right choice by swiping right.

In the end, when the restaurant was closing and it was late enough for them to deem it safe to go back home, Roger was exhausted. They walked hand in hand, talking and laughing. And then when they got to their building Roger pulled Brian aside.

All it took was for him to look into Brian’s hazel eyes to make a choice. He stood on the tip of his toes and kissed the corner of Brian’s mouth. It was short and chaste, but Brian looked as if he had won the lottery.

“What was that for?”

“Reassurance.”

“Of what?”

“Of what’s to come, dummy. Now open the door, I’m freezing!”

#the a experience fic #Brian May #roger taylor #Maylor #John Deacon #freddie mercury #deacury #slash #Sharing a bed #fake dating #fanfic #fluff

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the-legacy-of-hunter-and-dina · 7 years ago

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Public school things

1. There was just kind of a pineapple being handed from person to person in chorus. Nobody was doing anything with it. Just handing it back and forth.

2. I got in trouble for posting 30 of these around the school.

It’s not rude, it’s not violent, it’s not inappropriate... it’s just kinda weird. I don’t see the problem.

3. There’s this freshman who’s kinda the worst so I put my padlock on his backpack and only I know the code. I didnt lock his backpack to anything or lock anything to his backpack. I didn’t lock his backpack shut. It’s just kinda there. A minor annoying thing. But lemme tell ya he flipped a shit.

4. There’s this long boring thing that you get extra credit if you go to. I just went to the reception after it because I wanted food and I still got the extra credit just like all the suckers who actually sat through it

5. Vice principle: “eating peanuts near a boy with a peanut allergy is bullying and it is hateful”

(I DIDNT KNOW)

6. My vice principal called me a prostitute because people were paying me to write messages on my stomach. I called it “abvertisement” AKA “ab-space”

7. This year so far I have skipped 6th period 64 times and counting. The only consequence thus far has been an informal verbal warning

8. I drew remy from ratatouille on 217 different people. I called them rattoos.

9. I had to make a timeline of everything that happens in the great gatsby and I used only images from the Shrek films.... I received an A+

10. American Studies teacher: “you can do your quarterly research project on anything you want”

Me: “anything?”

American Studies teacher: “anything”

Me: “I will make you regret this”

*does project on shrek*

3 weeks later

American Studies teacher: “I regret not stopping you”

11. My freshman year I wanted to run for Vice President of student government. My campaign video was a pastafarian music video in which I played the Flying Spaghetti Monster. They banned the video for being “sacrilegious” and did not allow me to run

12: our librarian was on ONE EPISODE of jeopardy and it’s ALL SHE TALKS ABOUT

13: the faculty member I most respect is the janitor named Carlos. He fled his home country on a homemade raft with three other men and came to america. Of the four men he was the only one to survive the journey. There’s a documentary about him. other faculty members vape when kids aren’t looking and brush their teeth at school for some weird ass reason. #carlosforprincipal

14. My friend didn’t finish his test in the alodded time so he crumpled it up, threw it at the teacher, and shouted “I’m done” in tears. She laughed uncomfortably and said “do you want some water?”

15. There’s this kid who is an amateur song writer. Emphasis on amateur. I stole his songbook, wrote my own song in his style titled “jello” and then I did the jello prank from the office. When he got his book back he thought he wrote the song and just forgot

16. I still don’t know what order the 12 months go in, I thought Quebec was in Africa, until recently I didn’t believe in Helen Keller, and I’m one year away from graduating

17. There’s a teacher who never actually reads our essays and just grades them based on length. I submitted the opening monologue from avatar the last air bender to him like 20 times and I got 100% every time

18. I checked a book out of the library and inside was a small photo of a little black boy. I made many copies and put them all over school. I was talking to my friend Jayden and he said “someone’s been putting my baby pictures all over the place! How’d they get it?!”

19. Our schools solution to a racist hate crime that occurred was to give everyone paper hearts and say “write something nice about black people... it’s optional”

20. During math class we play hide and seek almost every day despite the teachers best efforts to thwart us

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sophroditesojung · 7 years ago

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my opinion on bp’s album that no one cares about: spoiler alert meh

so i have a confession to make i love blackpink theyre the group that got me into kpop so they have a special place on my heart BUT i have never been the biggest fan of their mvs?? wardrobe?? concept?? like none of the mvs i go back to watch it cause i genuinely love them like it happens with other groups and their outfits never really get to me, like i dont like just how different they are from each other it just almost never feels like a group sometimes i like the clothes of each member but not the four together so this mv just wasnt for me i really didnt like it which made it so that it too a while longer to get into the song so yeah like aiiyl is my fave mv but even then ive watched it like twice

something before starting everything is based on melody??? cause i havent checked the lyrics

ddu-du ddu-du : ok so i wasnt expecting to like this based on the teaser and tbh it took all the way to jisoo’s lines for me to finally get into it, the chorus isnt exactly my cup of tea BUT it grew on me... jennie’s rap imo is just the best part of the song and the bridge is really really nice so it won me over = is an ok song i still like playing with fire more

forever young : i think this is the biggest tragedy for me im still mad about it even if its been hours since i listened to the album but im just sad more than anything... so the song could be really good like top tier bside like a party song that you just want to dance to without worrying about anything while being a little nostalgic like i could see this in a movie with a groups of friends dancing in the beach with a bonfire and just having fun and being happy you know and those are my favorite types of songs those that take you somewhere and it makes you feel something BUT it change in the bridge and everything went wrong imo that change was unnecessary and it threw off the general feeling of the song and like i think i would be less mad if it came back to the chorus after but it didnt it just kept doing that so it was really disappointing chances are i’ll always skip the song and maybe sometimes listen to it till before the bridge you know

really : i feel like this is the chill track of the album which is nice i kind of wanted something like this but i didnt love it as much as i thought i think some of the rap was weak in its rhymes but overall an ok song too maybe it’ll grow more on me who knows

see you later : i dont have many feelings about this song wasn't too into it at the beginning a little too repetitive for my taste but i really like the rhythm is a nice song and is definitely going into my playlist so that’s that

so as a whole im not the biggest fan of the album i think is ok... was expecting a little more but maybe im just more picky now that when i first got into kpop... i think i like all their other songs better that this mini album which is underwhelming for me

#first impressions #i dont know if i should tag blackpink #but ill do it anyway #blackpink

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cheerstocrazy · 7 years ago

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Wahh

I’ve been feeling so sad lately bc I’m about to start my period, and last week I was nostalgic as hell for past memories. I’ve only been listening to Don’t Take the Money (unplugged version), Good Guy, and 89 (Bon Iver). It sucks to feel this way. Anyway, I think last week’s nostalgia was triggered by watching The Beauty Inside with Mary and Matthew. The date was just so sweet and intimate, and ugh I just wanted something like that in real life. So I thought back to my date right before I left to NYC, and how nice it was to be with someone so down-to-earth and upfront about his intentions. Someone who understood what I was going through and could recite my feelings back to me. I felt so seen (in the best way). I can’t believe he told me, “Why’d you agree to meet me before leaving? You’re at your most vulnerable right now? So anything is fair game, right?” I was still trying to process all my emotions that week so for him to realize I was at my most vulnerable made me feel transparent and like someone actually understood my current emotions. I was so taken aback that he was able to read me. Now that I’m home and don’t have much going on -- I think back to that night. It was a perfect date/night/finale before leaving. He was just such a good guy, I wish we could’ve stayed friends afterward, but I don’t blame him for not maintaining contact. I mean no one can really put their life on hold and wait for something that’s not even a guarantee. I just felt like the rest of the world ceased to exist that night and time stopped momentarily just for us. We didn’t skip a beat and he was just so curious and he spoke 3 languages (!!!!!!!) and was legitimately woke (!!!!) I remember us sitting at the taco place all by ourselves in the corner with our kind of strange seating arrangement. Eating messily and just chatting about random things like 2 people who had known each other a while. I think me leaving made us more uninhibited and allowed for us to really enjoy the 1 night we had. I wish it didn’t have to end, I really enjoyed how kind he was and sociable. Just an all around really great human. Any girl would be lucky to have him as a friend, let alone a boyfriend. I’m sure all his invitations and effusiveness were said out of hopefulness that this would continue when I got back. I wish what he said was true. He was so well-spoken and deliberate, which I really appreciate in a human, and it’s so rare to find that in a 20 something year old - especially a software engineer!! Ugh, I’m going to cry. Anyway, that was one of my favorite nights of this year, I’ll never forget it. It was the best date I’ve ever been on, and it came at a very strange time in my life. After the Snap guy and the Dr., I just realized that good guys who understand and vibe with me will be incredibly hard to come by. My favorite moments of 2017: 1. Date with the Israeli guy before leaving to NY 2. (Best/Worst) Nice at Hair in the Dog where I threw up my intestines - the entire day. From eating Japanese food, walking through Brooklyn, finding that wicked cool bar with awesome views. Eating that bomb burger at the South American inspired place with arepas. Waiting in the Sbux to kill time and for a respite. Walking around Brooklyn lost trying to find a club. Going back to the weird bar in LES and being pestered by the Asians. Getting free drinks, ducking to escape them. Eventually running in the rain to Hair of the Dog. Stumbling upon Andrew (hot guy) who just took us into the group and bought us drinks. Dancing with Orr’s friend then him, the hand job (lol). Being piss drunk, then not knowing what happened the rest of the night. 3. Salt Flat weekend with the Brazilians. Will be one of my favorite weekends of life. They were the sweetest and funniest guys ever, I cannot believe I found them. I remember seeing them at the bus station in Potosi and thinking omg, one of them is kinna fat and if he lost some weight, he’d be skinnier. I saw they were eating hot dogs and a bag of chips. Just laughed to realize they were my roommates. 4. The jam sessions and dinner in Cusco. 5. Coachella weekend: Bon Iver, Justice, Porteon, Jai Wolf. Having Julian take care of my the entire set and just swaying with me and keeping me afloat. That was absolute euphoria and a nightmare for me. *Bon Iver ft Francis - Friends (MY FAVORITE CONCERT MOMENT EVER!) 6. The bar by PP’s apt with the fucking disgusting couple making out for 3 hours. Camaraderie is everyone in the bar clapping, snapchatting, heckling that couple. 7. San Pedro de Atacama - absolutely everything in that desert took my breath away 8. FWB Dr. those 2 weeks were pretty fun to have someone on speed dial to hang out with 9. The marathon 15 hour workday with Kathy and Daniel when we were delirious and literally just putting binders together for 5 hours. 10. Going out with the Chileans to Ex-Fabrica, the taking photos snafu lmao 11. Hanging out with Tiare on my last night in Chile. That was so fun to get day drunk and just eat and walk around. 12. WATCHING THE KILLERS FROM THE ROOFTOP IN AUSTIN!!!!! ZOMG WTF!!! 13. Gorillaz set!!! at ACL 14. I think I ran a 7+ miler this year.... 15. The Huaraz hike, sinking into the mud, standing around each night to joke around with people. 16. The entire day at Machu Picchu which WAS TOTALLY SURREAL AND MEETING THAT GROUP OF PERUVIANS!! AND THE SHORT LIL MAN WHO LOVED ME. 17. Barranco!!!! I love that neighborhood so much!! 18. Going off-roading in Sedona with the random Canadian couple we met. 19. My cute as hell South African roommate!! Eek I loved him so much 20. Hiking Montana de Siete Colores 21. Staying with the cutest Peruvian family in Ica. MY HEART, I LOVED THEM.

Best songs of the year: 1. Francis and the Lights - May I Have This Dance? 2. Rhys - Swallow Your Pride 3. Frank Ocean - Good Guy/White Ferrari 4. Bleachers - Don’t Take the Money 5. Banks - Crowded Places 6. Mura Masa - What’s It Gonna B? 7. Haim - You Never Knew 8. Lorde - Supercut/The Louvre 9. Odesza - Corners of the Earth 10. Jai Wolf - Starlight 11. Kehlani - Do U Dirty Saddest Moments of the Year: 1. August 2nd - getting the call from Eastridge to notify me that I’d been let go 2. March - Seeing Sal, getting anxious that entire weekend, having no appetite, just the lack of control I had over my body. Dealing with his texting. Getting my car towed. 3. My mother not talking to me for 8 months. That took a toll 4. Dealing with insurance for months on end to resolve nothing. 5. In Banos, Ecuador to have my parents sabotage me for the first time and tell me to come home. 6. Cusco, when my mother wouldn’t take a photo of my vaccinations to which I sobbed on the floor. 7. The endless professional shitting -- all the you’re going to get hired/promoted blah blah. Nope 8. June 13th - when Bryan told me he was leaving the company. My heart sunk. Honorable Mentions: 1. Colombian straggler 2. Date with the tall ass weirdo who made me not date for 6 months afterwards lol 3. HEAVING AND PUFFING AND DYING AT LAGUNA 69 OMG KILL ME This was such a hard year for me mentally, physically, emotionally. I’m looking back and even though I did have lots of good moments (due to my South America trip), it was mostly a year that tested me. I just felt like I got walked all over and was taken advantage of. I felt so small most of the year at work and like my value wasn’t realized. It was a lot of feeling hopeful only to get crushed immediately, which I guess is what life is. It was so taxing for me to be at work and just not progress professionally and getting lead on. I didn’t deserve that at all. My best couple of months came from me being laid off, so I guess there’s that silver lining? Boys wise, this year didnt’ work out too well, lots of ghosts coming back into my life and another unsuccessful year of dating. My mother and I didn’t speak to each other for most of the year, which was ridiculous. There was a really big life event this year, and I definitely needed her to be there for me, and she wasn’t. That’s a year we’ll never get back, and I can’t really talk about it without crying. She’s talking to me again, but you don’t get to shut me out of your life for 8 months with no valid reason to talk to me again like nothing happened. This isn’t how it works. I don’t think our relationship will be able to come back after that, especially post election. It was just a really hard time for me, and it would’ve been nice to have a maternal figure for venting. I guess that’s when your friends come in. I remember being in the jacuzzi talking to Tam, and she told me about what my mom said and how she felt while I was away and like her heart sunk. And I was like what about me??? I don’t even know why she’s upset. I just teared up, I couldn’t take it anymore. Especially after my trip, and coming back to reality. I just wanted to disappear for most of this year because I felt so insiginificant, and that’s why I ran off to South America. I wanted anonymity but under my call, not someone else making me feel invisible. All I wanted this year was to be seen and heard, and that rarely happened. This was such a hard year for me, I still can’t get over how difficult it’s been. At least I sleep a lot not and am not stressed out. I need to move. 2018 goal: MOVE OUT OF CALIFORNIA!!!

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birdieboob · 7 years ago

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Talk about quiz

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

The one movie which I can watch a million times and not get sick of is Shawshank Redemption. It used to be my most hated movie until I actually sat down to watch it because it plays pretty much every day. I love Andy!

 2:Talk about your first kiss.

My first kiss was with Steven in second grade! I dont remember exactly where it happened but he was my first boyfriend.

 3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

Oh boy thats tough. The most intense feelings was with this one ex. We dated for a short amount of time but our whole relationship was intense. There was such a sweetness to it but also a comfortable feeling. I felt secure. But alas that ended.

 4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

I regret not being able to save for texas! Its just so fucking hard!

 5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

The best birthday I had was also one of my worst. It was my 16th birthday and we were all supposed to go out to play pool along with my boyfriend. But my younger brother threw this HUGE fit about mt boyfriend coming so he had to go home so it was just my dad, me and my older brother who went. It was nice to spend time with my dad like that. Then when I got home they sat me down and gave me this little box. I opened it and it was a sweet 16 necklace! I have it still in my jewelry box.

 6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

See above.

 7:Talk about your biggest insecurity.

My belly. Ugh. I have a beer gut.

 8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

My daughter! She is the most amazing little girl I have ever known. She knows how to make me laugh but also knows how to warm my heart. She is the silliest girl and has her mama’s sass. Im so glad I created her and I get to watch her grow up. 😭

 9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

I love my eyes. Ive been told my eyes are my best feature! My mom calls them Jeepers Creepers eyes lol

 10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

Ive had a few lol but the biggest one? Ima tell you top 2. One boyfriend was asking me what I did last night (he was possesive) and I told him I hung out with a friend who was a girl. He asked what we did and I said we just hung out in a friends clubhouse in his backyard. He then got very angry accusing me of cheating and went to punch my face but I moved my head fast enough and he hit the lockers. I ran away crying to my resource room and he came in after me with his hand tripled in size. My teacher must of clued in because she made him leave and comforted me. Another one was I had been disagreeing with a boyfriend for a few days and we fought for a fucking week straight. He dumped me on thanksgiving. I cried for 5 minutes and was like “oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️”

 11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. No idea tbh.

 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. Sooooooo maannnyyyy

 13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

Lol oh shit here we go. Im gonna get hate for this! I was dating my first serious boyfriend for a year and half and I decided “you know what its almost valentines day Im gonna have sex with him”. So we walked around in the winter then I told him. We tried to find a spot (because my parents had no idea I was doing anything sexual so we couldnt do it in the house) so we found a gas station. He asked for the key while I waited by the door. We got in, turned on the hot water to warm up the bathroom and we had sex lol. Honestly... i couldnt feel shit. Like for my first time I thought “is this sex? Am I not doing it right? Is there something wrong with me?” Fuuuckkk Ill be waiting for the comments on this.

 14:Talk about a vacation.

I went to Ottawa when I was 16, cody watched my rabbit, we had to bring my sisters rabbit cause she just had 6 babies, got super sunburt, ordered a hot dog and they forgot to ask for the money lol.

 15:Talk about the time you were most content in life.

Right now! Life is perfect!

 16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

No one invites me to parties lol.

 17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

Idk lol

 18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

I joined gymnastics which meant I had to be at the school for 7:30am to practice. I didnt have a leo like most girls but going through the lost and found I found a purple one. I wore it the next day and everyone was questioning it so I never wore it again.

 19:Talk about something that happened in middle school.

I got bullied like hell. I got dog treats thrown at me every day.. my bully and her friends would mimic my lisp and everyone called me dumbo. So I cried to my parents. On a hearing appointment my ENT randomly brought up pinning my ears back because he noticed how out they were. My parents were hesitent but I convinced them I needed it.

 20:Talk about something that happened in high school.

Grade 9. I heard about this guy who all the girls “fawned” over which is what I heard from the guys. One day he comes over to me and says hello. My heart skipped a beat and said hello back. From then we became close friends alongside a girl named jessie. One day we were all at jessies house and both me and him were upstairs. He was on the computer and I was on the bed. Suddenly he turned around and grabbed a pillow and began smothering me with it. I managed to get him off me and I went to go be with my friend so I laid on the couch. He came down after a few minutes and got on the couch with me. I whispered “please no” and he covered us with a blanket. He began molesting me while I cried and kept pleading him not to. His body held me down while my friend sat there and watched. Once he got off I just ran out the door and he followed me to the bus stop. Once I got to the stop I kept crying but he grabbed me and pushed me up against the glass. His hand was on my neck and he kissed me aggressively. Tears were streaming down my face when this guy comes to wait for the bus and he noticed so he said something. The guy who did that to me left. The next day and until he graduated he would shove me in the halls and punch me. He said I wanted him and Im making it all up. He made high school hell.

 21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

Omg. Lol. I was in the mental ward and this one guy was crushing on me so hard. We were in the tv room and he was writing me notes waiting for me to reply so I started answering him. This is how the convo went.

Him- are you single?

Me- yeah why?

Him- wanna date?

Me- i dont know you

Him- but I wanna eat nesquick out of your pussy.

 22:Talk about your worst fear.

My worst fear is someone hurting my family. :(

 23:Talk about a time someone turned you down.

Uhhh cant think of anyone.

 24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

My parents and people close to me tell me Im a good mom. It just feels ao goos to hear.

 25:Talk about an ex-best friend.

Oh idk which one to talk about. The one who watched me get molested? The one who stalks and harrasses me still to this day? The one who disappeared randomly or the one who kept choosing her other friends over me. Bleh.

 26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

I woman up and take care of my child. Its like Im not even sick. I dont moan about it.

 27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

I looooveeeee @zombiepearl666 lips!

28:Talk about your fetishes.

I just like rough sex. Nothing too fancy lol

 29:Talk about what turns you on.

See above.

 30:Talk about what turns you off.

Missionary... where you lay ontop of me and thrust. Cant breathe. Gah.

 31:Talk about what you think death is like.

I believe you get to watch over your loved ones. Like sit in the same room they are in and just admire them.

 32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

I dont remember places lol

 33:Talk about what you do when you are sad.

I used to cut. But now I just lay in bed and vent to megan.

 34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

My gallbladder attacks. Fuuuccckkkkk those were so bad they had to knock me out till the attack was over.

 35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. I wish I would stop not saving.

 36:Talk about your guilty pleasures.

I like to eat out when I know its bad for me. Does that count?

 37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

Im still unsure if I ever felt love with any boy.

 38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

Fast car reminds me of my mom. Any nightwish song reminds me of my dad. The last night by skillet reminds me of cody and a million reasons by gaga reminds me of gator.

 39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

I wish I knew who would hurt me.

 40:Talk about the end of something in your life.

16. The end of all normalcy in my life. It was when I got schizophrenia.

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