#(it's....a heavy burden to know all of these HORRIBLE illegal things are going on...)

[crownshattered]

|| (this involves a few difficult topics, so tw for all of the various types of terrible trafficking in Fontaine...)

We all know by now that Fontaine has a lot of terrible shady shit going on, from drug trafficking to even human trafficking and everything in between. And all of this is monitored by Anne's Underworld.

Honestly, Anne hates it. While the Underworld isn't directly involved in any of those dealings, it's aware of all of them and thus is partially guilty for not doing anything to stop it. Anne's hands are tied. She can't stop it or else there would be no trust in this system her family has built for generations.

However... She may have had a tiny bit to do with a few information leaks... Tiny ones that couldn't possibly be traced back to her. But hey, if she accidentally left a clue out and the Spina di Rosula or the gardes happened to find it, surely no one would be able to tell that it was on purpose~

[baasthasthezoomies]

So, I am maybe going through the Dark Night of the Soul here. Had a series of difficult things happen back-to-back-to-back starting in 2021.

First my mom died—long story… I partly blame Alex Jones for how she died

My father then had a full psychological collapse, stopped making ANY decisions (including whether to eat), lost 100lbs, and nearly died himself before I could get him in inpatient care

Kate, my love and partner in crime, was run off the road by a guy on meth and she was hospitalized. Thankfully she’s fine but it was scary and my car was totaled

My dad had 3 months of little improvement then finally underwent ECT (PSA: modern ECT is not the same as 1950s electro-shock therapy), which was MIRACULOUS and finally got him well enough to go home when nothing else worked

Street cat Van had a flareup of a spinal injury we didn’t know she had. She was in horrible pain and we thought she was dying

It took a year to be named executor for what little “estate” my mom had (which is a heavy burden in a normal circumstance), but the covid-related delay made handling her bank accounts A NIGHTMARE

During all this I was on a temporary work assignment embedded inside another company and forced to endure that organization’s fully abusive environment. I was berated daily and made to witness THE MOST EGREGIOUS racism, sexism, and transphobia I could imagine in a workplace (nothing anti-gay specifically but I’m an obvious dyke so I figure they just kept it behind my back). The HR manager was THE WORST ONE OF THEM ALL. I didn’t have it in me to fight an entire organization, despite witnessing blatantly illegal shit. My company ultimately had to just get me out

I got covid from one of the horrible work people who refused to wear a mask, came to work sick, tested positive for covid AND KEPT COMING TO WORK

A couple weeks back baby cat Beeps (who has never been outdoors) bolted and was lost for 3 days in rainy, 30°F weather before we got her back

The next weekend I had to take my younger sister to the hospital for rectal bleeding. Yikes. I was in the hospital with her for 3 days and they discharged her without a diagnosis. Kate & I brought her back to our place for the next week so we could take care of her

Basically it has been rough.

All this to explain, while we were in the ER waiting for my sister to be admitted I rewrote the lyrics to part of Personal Jesus to be about her situation; trying to distract her from the horrible pain she was in. Now I can’t get it out of my head as being sung this way:

🎵Your own🎵

🎵Personal🎵

🎵Toilet🎵

🎵Place where you say your prayers🎵

🎵Hope there’s no stairs🎵

🎵Feeling real sad🎵

🎵Cause your colon’s bad🎵

🎵Blood in the scat🎵

🎵There’s a problem with that🎵

🎵Frequent diarrhea🎵

🎵Let’s take you to the ER🎵

So this latest insult, to both me and Depeche Mode, is really uncalled for.

[handelingit]

Oh wow oh look over there at the interesting distraction! There is nothing under this haha

-

Swampy loved him. She knew that. She loved Mitch and she was sure he loved her back. Still, she worried, she has worried for so long that it was because of the qualities that made him like her last two partners- but, it became clear to her that she only compared them when she tried to come up with reasons she didn’t deserve him. She loved him for HIS qualities, because that’s who HE is. He was a completely different person than her ex-boyfriends, and she loved that person. It was honestly so ridiculous to worry about whether or not she deserved him anyways, she was on this ship because of him, he singled her out. He wanted her to be here, out of literally anyone else. He was a fucking weirdo, she could have him if she wanted to- or at least, if he really felt the same.

She sighed and looked at their surroundings. It was crazy to think this whole simulated environment was something on his ship and not out in the wild. The fact that he worked this hard for something so spacious and- natural? It was amazing.

“You do a lot for the animals here, more than zoos on Earth ever will.” She sighed softly.

“Zoos are tourist traps.” He scoffed.

“They’re filthy, disgusting, horrible places that confine innocent creatures to tiny little cages, exploiting them to make more than enough in profits to provide better conditions, but they don’t. They never will, they only care about themselves. Yes, I allow people to pay to see my collection, but that’s not why I have them here... no one can hurt them here...” He was so heated in the beginning, but he grew more solemn as he trailed on.

“That’s all anyone does, Swampy. People HURT living things, animals, each other-” He chose to leave himself out, but Swampy knew he wanted to finish that sentence with the word ‘‘me’’.

“I don’t care if taking them away is illegal, I don’t care. This sanctuary is my way of making sure thousands of unique life forms don’t end up extinct or abused. They all deserve to live in peace and be remembered fondly.” Mitch just- always had so much to say about these things. He cared so much, it was a heavy burden for one man.

Luckily, it wasn’t just one man anymore. She took his hand in her own, keeping her eyes on the fauna passing by, and the swaying of the flora around them. He tensed at the touch, looking down at her, but not saying anything. Nothing really needed to be said. This moment was enough. She was so- pretty. It was weird for him to find someone pretty, that wasn’t really a thing he ever did. He recognized aesthetically pleasing people, but they never really- made him feel the way she did. Physically, emotionally- he sort of recognized the feeling, but it had been so long. He couldn’t be positive about it.

She looked up at him, right into those big blue eyes of his, smiling so softly.

“I remember you fondly.” She said it quietly, but it wasn’t quite a whisper. She hummed when he turned away. He might’ve gotten away with blushing, if only his fur wasn’t so short and borderline translucent.

Well, at least he THOUGHT he couldn’t be positive about it.

“You’re a sap.” He hissed and rolled his eyes, but his fingers curled around hers. Almost as if he was worried saying that would convince her to let go.

“No more than you are, Mitchie.” She teased.

“I just think their lives MEAN something...”

“You know, you can play the bad guy all you want, but I know you’re not. Look around you, you’re their hero.”

“You don’t have to say that, I don’t need you to feel sorry for me.”

“I don’t feel sorry for you, I just think you deserve to hear it.”

“Why do you pester me so much?”

“Because... I think YOUR life has meaning. I want to be part of it, just as much as you want me to.”

“… Thank you.”

I wrote a cutesy little fanfic for Valentine’s Day but I think this is better.

[randomingoftherandomness]

What I am hoping for from Winner is King ( 烽火流金)

Okay, so at this point, let’s just be reals here, Word of Honor has kinda set the bar for me in terms of standards to expect from the slew of danmei adaptations this year. Granted, I know that there are some who think the way it was adapted was not up to their standards and that it could have been done better, please don’t bring it on this post because this is not the post for it.

In this post, I’m going to talk about  Winner is King (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

Now, Sha Po Lang, the original novel, is for me one of the best things that I have read in a very long while. As such, I can be rather precious about what I am hoping to see come alive on the show and what I am hoping will be present in the portrayals I see. I know there are some concerns regarding the script and behind the scenes stuff - and they are very valid concerns that I feel too! - and with the recent announcement that instead of 45 episodes, we are only getting 40, I can foresee that there could be some rushed handlings of the very plotty nature of the source material and perhaps a sense that style can trump substance.

But as the actual show isn’t beaming right into our eyeballs just yet, here are some things I am looking forward to seeing in Winner is King and some things that I am crossing my fingers will make the final cut! 

Warning for some novel spoilers ahead. I’ll keep it under the read more.

Tagging @zhongwans because I said I would haha...

Things I am looking forward to:

The Changgu dynamic. I think it goes without saying that if the chemistry between your leads is a dud, the show doesn’t need to even pass Go, it can just shuffle itself off the board because it will be dead in the water. The Changgu dynamic has to be nailed; I need to see that self-doubt, that caring for the other but coming at it from the wrong way, that awkwardness that comes with trying to hold back the burden of your love and care because you don’t want to overwhelm the other... 

I need Gu Yun to be shamelessly sweet with his words and his coaxing of his Yan Wang from a sulk. I need Changgu saying “I hate you to death, Gu Yun” (pining)

Hu Ge Er. Let me just be clear here, I will cheer when she dies, but I hope that how they handle her characterisation will do her justice. There is no excusing the level of horrible that she is, but I hope that she isn’t written as a single dimension abusive piece of shit. Nuance, is what I am looking for. I need her to be the villain and the reason for Chang Geng.

I. NEED. THE. WOLF. ATTACK. SCENE. OUTSIDE. OF. YANHUI. TOWN. aka The First Time They Meet

There is legit no excuse for them to fuck this up, but the Steampunk elements. I would not know what else to say if they fuck this one thing up that is so integral and basic to the love of this IP. They cannot fuck this up. I am very sure I will join people in rioting if they do.

I need to see my Red Kites, my Heavy and Light Armours, my Dragons... I need to see the steam powered lamps, the iron puppets... I need them to get the Wind Slashers right. I need them to get this world-building right ok? I need to be dropped into this show and just swoon over just how accurate to imagination everything looks. Tencent does have the blessed ability to make very good looking productions, so on this note, I am assured. 

I need them to get the human element right; I need to understand why Gu Yun is the way he is, I need to know why the members of the Lin Yuan Pavillion will back Chang Geng and why they won’t. I need to know why Liao Chi would betray the Emperor. I need them to make me feel; I want them to make my heart hurt when Chang Geng’s heart is hurting, I want them to make me cry when Gu Yun is at his lowest and feels like he can’t go on. I want them to make me laugh, I want to feel for Shen Yi and Miss Chen’s awkward courting. 

On that note, I hope they get the Shen Yi and Gu Yun dynamic right too! These two are bros ok? Life and death, ride or die, best bros forever and I need, need them to nail just how integral these are to each other and how much they chose each other as family. I need the bickering, I need the protectiveness, I need the banter. 

I also need Chang Geng conspiring to marry Shen Yi off quickly so that he can have Gu Yun all to himself lol but lbr here if we can get an ending for this show from Tencent that even breathes the same atmosphere of air as satisfactory I will praise the heavens

The Bone of Impurity. I don’t know to what extent they will cover this or if they would do it the way the book does it, but this being an element that is integral to Chang Geng, I would be surprised if they dropped it entirely. So yeah, I am looking forward to seeing Chang Geng fretting and worrying and getting Bone of Impurity attacks.

Just the way that Gu Yun allows himself to be cared for my Chang Geng and how Chang Geng lets Gu Yun care for him

I want one acupuncture hedgehog scene please and thank you

I do want to see how they handle Chang Geng and his elder half-brother; how that dynamic unfolds will be something to pay some attention to, I think

Oh! That moment when Chang Geng kneels down in front of his brother and tells him to please bury any talk of his marriage and revealing to his brother the scars that he carries from his time living under Hu Ge Er’s roof (this is one brand of Whump that I promise you will hurt you very badly and it will be very good)

The argument at Jiangnan is something I really think will also make the final cut. It wouldn’t make sense to drop it seeing as this is a pivotal shift in their relationship where Chang Geng is finally holding his ground and not bending over backwards and believing everything his Yi Fu says. And this was the catalyst for their four year separation so yeah. I hope they do this justice.

I am not a betting person, but I high key bet that the scene between Gu Yun and the previous Emperor where he tells the man, “If you go, then I won’t have anyone left” and this being the moment that softens the dying fucker’s heart enough to give him a bracelet of beads that will be a major plot point towards the end

THE. BATTLE. SCENES.

Things I am hoping will happen:

At this point, speculation is that the point that tripped Winner Is King up for a recheck was the politics. This year is the 100th anniversary of the founding of the Communist Party in China and rumour has it that shit be sieving thick and so a lot of shows are erring on the side of caution. 

Politics is the highest likelihood of a recheck but I am hoping that it won’t be dumbed down or watered down too much because the politics and the way things played out in the book was absolutely divine and I really want to see that court intrigue and scheming and interplay unfold.

I’ve mentioned in my most recent podcast episode that I am banking on this show to scratch my itch for a Nirvana in Fire level of plottiness and infinite craftiness of the characters and I am crossing all fingers and toes for that to happen because All! The! Characters! Hold! Their! Own! And I need to see that play out please I am not asking for much...

The final sea battle with the Pope. I wouldn’t even know where they would even begin to shoot that scene but this is something I would love to see happen.

The Bone of Impurity attack after Gu Yun sneakily left the capital. That was the scene that caught me and hooked, lined and sinkered me for Chang Geng as a character. Listening to this scene be brought to life in the audio drama has really hammered it home that if they make this bit into the show, I will watch and weep if it is done right. 

Cao Niangzi being Cao Niangzi. I am thinking it might not happen the way I want, but I just need them to get them right.

Ge Chen peeing on the enemy’s face. Please. I laughed so hard. I need this. It will be a balm to my soul.

Please, I need Gu Yun’s soul crushing flute playing like I need Gong Jun to always be absolutely horrible at singing because baby this is your niche and this is your charm own it work it

I also need Gu Yun stealing a bamboo flute from a 10 year old because he got jealous please and thank you

Any flashback of Chang Geng and Hu Ge Er before Yanhui Town

I want to see that moment that Gu Yun hears first hand from someone who had knowledge of what Hu Ge Er would do to a baby Chang Geng and the horrible abuse she inflicted on him, because up to that point, he only knew that something went on, but never to the extent that revelation wrought unto him

Any of the Bone of Impurity moments; any mention of it, any visual representation of it... Gosh, just the idea of having the Bone of Impurity made visual is just... Ugh. Yes. Please. The suffering.

[bonus] Things I wish will happen but will probably not:

The hot spring scene or a version of it

An implication that baby cannibalism was involved in the making of a Bone of Impurity

The scene where they get to the goddess doll (the description of it in the book was so bone chilling and if they do this I will have nightmares, I’m just warning you)

I really, really want a scene where, after being crowned Emperor, Chang Geng goes to the frontlines to reclaim the South and upon hearing that he was there, Gu Yun immediately panicked like he was about to be caught with his pants down doing something illegal when all he did was ordered his subordinates to keep news of his injuries from being reported back to the capital

Any flashback of Chang Geng and Hu Ge Er before Yanhui Town; especially when they were with the Barbarians

I want to see some version of Hu Ge Er realising what she has done to her own child and to Chang Geng

Okay this got super long but what are you guys looking forward to seeing when Winner is King hits our screens? I’m looking forward to creating content for this fandom when it hits ೕ(˃̵ᴗ˂̵ ๑) In the meantime, sound off on what you’re expecting and what you’re maybe wary about!

[twoidiotwriters1]

Written In The Stars LIX (Harry Potter xF!Oc)

A/N: This is almost the same as in the book only I added some stuff about Mel’s parents ig lmao -Danny

Words: 2,181

Warnings: This is all drama.

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Chapter Eighteen: The Animagi.

"You're both mental." Ron said in disbelief.

"Ridiculous!" said Hermione.

"Peter Pettigrew's dead! He killed him twelve years ago!" Harry pointed at Black.

"I meant to, but little Peter got the better of me... not this time, though!"

Black threw himself over the bed to reach for Scabbers, hurting Ron in the process. Mel pushed him away yelling.

"Don't touch him!"

A small wave shot off of her then, strong enough to move Black to the other side of the raggedy mattress.

"Sirius, NO!" Lupin yelled, reaching for his friend and sitting him up. Black was looking at her with curiosity. "WAIT! You can't do it just like that — they need to understand — we've got to explain —"

"We can explain afterwards!" Black snapped back, turning to face him.

"They've — got — a — right — to — know — everything! Ron's kept him as a pet! There are parts of it even I don't understand! And Harry — you owe Harry and Mel the truth, Sirius!"

Black's eyes moved from the rat to her face, briefly meeting her gaze. There was something in the way he looked at her, something close to recognition.

"All right, then. Tell them whatever you like. But make it quick, Remus. I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for..."

"You're nutters, both of you," said Ron holding Scabbers tightly against his chest. "I've had enough of this. I'm off."

"Don't be stupid," Mel replied, turning to face him. "You can't move."

Ron ignored her, he tried to get up on his own, but Lupin raised his wand again, pointing it at Scabbers. Mel was quick to raise her wand at him.

"You said you weren't going to hurt us."

"I won't. You're going to hear me out," He said quietly. "Just keep a tight hold on Peter while you listen, Ron."

"HE'S NOT PETER, HE'S SCABBERS!" Ron yelled in exasperation. He lost his balance and Harry caught him, helping him back on the bed.

"There were witnesses who saw Pettigrew die," Harry said calmly. "A whole street full of them..."

"They didn't see what they thought they saw!" Black exclaimed, with the remnants of his old insanity showing up.

"Everyone thought Sirius killed Peter. I believed it myself — until I saw the map tonight. Because the Marauder's map never lies. Peter's alive. Ron's holding him, Harry."

Mel wasn't looking at her friends, her wand still pointing at her uncle. She was starting to feel a bit drained after her boost of energy. She knew that if she had to, she wouldn't be able to hurt her uncle. She still saw him as her family, the only man that had made his part as some sort of fatherly figure. Yet, he was helping the one that had caused her to live without a father in the first place, and the deafening silence behind her let her know that the boys weren't believing even a bit of the man's story.

"But Professor Lupin... Scabbers can't be Pettigrew... it just can't be true, you know it can't..." Hermione started.

"Why can't it be true?" Lupin asked.

"Because... because people would know if Peter Pettigrew had been an Animagus. We did Animagi in class with Professor McGonagall. And I looked them up when I did my homework — the Ministry of Magic keeps tabs on witches and wizards who can become animals; there's a register showing what animal they become, and their markings and things... and I went and looked Professor McGonagall up on the register, and there have been only seven Animagi this century, and Pettigrew's name wasn't on the list —"

"Right again, Hermione!" Lupin said through a chuckle. "But the Ministry never knew that there used to be four unregistered Animagi running around Hogwarts."

"If you're going to tell them the story, get a move on, Remus," Black growled. "I've waited twelve years, I'm not going to wait much longer."

"All right, but you'll need to help me, Sirius," said Lupin, "I only know how it began..."

The bedroom door opened. Lupin got nearer and looked out into the landing.

"No one there..."

"This place is haunted!" said Ron.

"It's not," The man replied casually. "The Shrieking Shack was never haunted... The screams and howls the villagers used to hear were made by me."

Mel blinked in surprise, her hand slowly lowering on its own while her uncle continued his story. He'd mentioned it before, the Willow had been planted on the year he arrived at school, and it was right above the passageway that led to this place... a place to hide and avoid hurting others.

"My transformations in those days were — were terrible. It is very painful to turn into a werewolf. I was separated from humans to bite, so I bit and scratched myself instead. The villagers heard the noise and the screaming and thought they were hearing particularly violent spirits. Dumbledore encouraged the rumor... Even now, when the house has been silent for years, the villagers don't dare approach it... But apart from my transformations, I was happier than I had ever been in my life. For the first time ever, I had friends, five great friends. Sirius Black... Peter Pettigrew... and, of course, your parents — James, Matthew, and Emily."

She knew it by now, how close all of them were. Yet, she felt like it was all dream, that soon someone would wake her and say she was imagining things, that she and Harry had nothing in common and those secrets were all product of her imagination. She was tired of all the secrets. When Mel had asked him how'd he gotten his scars her uncle had said 'I was really clumsy as a child'. She had laughed at that, thinking all kinds of fun adventures involving him, now thinking of what really entailed those scars, her heart felt heavy.

"Now, my friends could hardly fail to notice that I disappeared once a month. I made up all sorts of stories. I told them my mother was ill, and that I had to go home to see her. I was terrified they would desert me the moment they found out what I was. But of course, they, like you, worked out the truth... Your parents were quite clever, Mel. They could sense a lie from miles away, but the really impressive thing was that they didn't desert me at all. Instead, they did something for me that would make my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life. They became Animagi."

"My dad too?" asked Harry in amazement.

"Yes, indeed," said Lupin.  "Your mother didn't, Mel. Emily decided to stay out of it, she wasn't eager to turn into a bunny –She always joked about how she was sure that she'd turn into one of those fluffy white ones..." Lupin laughed quietly. "It took them the best part of three years but your fathers and Sirius were the cleverest students in the school, and lucky they were, because the Animagus transformation can go horribly wrong — one reason the Ministry keeps a close watch on those attempting to do it. Peter needed all the help he could get from James, Matt, and Sirius. Finally, in our fifth year, they managed it. They could each turn into a different animal at will."

"But how did that help you?" said Hermione.

"They couldn't keep me company as humans, so they kept me company as animals," said Lupin. "A werewolf is only a danger to people. They sneaked out of the castle every month under James's Invisibility Cloak. They transformed... Peter, or Matt, as the smallest of our group, could slip beneath the Willow's attacking branches and touch the knot that freezes it. They would then slip down the tunnel and join me. Under their influence, I became less dangerous. My body was still wolfish, but my mind seemed to become less so while I was with them."

"Hurry up, Remus."

"I'm getting there, Sirius, I'm getting there... well, highly exciting possibilities were open to us now that we could all transform. Soon we were leaving the Shrieking Shack and roaming the school grounds and the village by night. Sirius and James transformed into such large animals, they were able to keep a werewolf in check. Matt's had sharp claws and a strong beak, he could hurt if he wanted to. I doubt whether any Hogwarts students ever found out more about the Hogwarts grounds and Hogsmeade than we did... And that's how we came to write the Marauder's Map, and sign it with our nicknames. Sirius is Padfoot. Peter is Wormtail. James was Prongs and Ruddy..."

"My dad," Mel frowned. "Why?"

Lupin smiled.

"The bird he turned into was covered in Scarlet feathers– we thought it was funny, back then many things seemed funny to us."

"What sort of animal — ?" Hermione cut Harry's question.

"That was still really dangerous! Running around in the dark with a werewolf! What if you'd given the others the slip, and bitten somebody?"

"A thought that still haunts me, and there were near misses, many of them. We laughed about them afterwards. We were young, thoughtless — carried away with our own cleverness. Matt and I sometimes felt guilty about betraying Dumbledore's trust, of course... he had admitted me to Hogwarts when no other headmaster would have done so, and Matt had been almost a son to him, and he had no idea that we were breaking the rules he had set down for my own and others' safety. He never knew I had led four fellow students into becoming Animagi illegally. But I always managed to forget my guilty feelings every time we sat down to plan our next month's adventure. And I haven't changed..."

Her father was an animagi and he felt just as guilty as her for betraying Dumbledore's trust, she thought that maybe all of the Dumbledores would always feel a burden to carry out their name proudly, even if they didn't have anything special.

"All this year, I have been battling with myself, wondering whether I should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. But I didn't do it. Why? Because I was too cowardly. It would have meant admitting that I'd betrayed his trust while I was at school, admitting that I'd led others along with me... and Dumbledore's trust has meant everything to me. He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am. And so I convinced myself that Sirius was getting into the school using dark arts he learned from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had nothing to do with it... so, in a way, Snape's been right about me all along."

"Snape?" said Black, suddenly he was just as interested in the story as the rest of the kids. "What's Snape got to do with it?"

"He's here, Sirius. He's teaching here as well." He turned to the children. "Professor Snape was at school with us. He fought very hard against my appointment to the Defense Against the Dark Arts job. He has been telling Dumbledore all year that I am not to be trusted. He has his reasons you see, Sirius here played a trick on him which nearly killed him, a trick which involved me —"

Black scoffed.

"It served him right," He replied dryly. "Sneaking around, trying to find out what we were up to, hoping he could get us expelled..."

"Severus was very interested in where I went every month. We were in the same year, you know, and we — er — didn't like each other very much. He especially disliked James. Jealous, I think, of James's talent on the Quidditch field... anyway, Snape had seen me crossing the grounds with Madam Pomfrey one evening as she led me toward the Whomping Willow to transform. Sirius thought it would be — er — amusing, to tell Snape all he had to do was prod the knot on the tree trunk with a long stick, and he'd be able to get in after me. Well, of course, Snape tried it — if he'd got as far as this house, he'd have met a fully grown werewolf — but your father, who'd heard what Sirius had done, went after Snape and pulled him back, at great risk to his life... Snape glimpsed me, though, at the end of the tunnel. He was forbidden by Dumbledore to tell anybody, but from that time on he knew what I was..."

"So that's why Snape doesn't like you," said Harry. "because he thought you were in on the joke?"

"And that's why he treats us like rubbish?" Mel asked bitterly. "We just remind him too much of his old bullies?"

"That's right,"  A cold voice said behind Lupin.

Severus Snape was pulling off the Invisibility Cloak, his wand pointing directly at Lupin.

Next Chapter —>

Taglist. 

@tiphareth2018​ @vampiregirl1797​ @siriuslysirius1107​ @celestialhayi​ @mikariell95​ @omiwashere​ @thesuitelifeofafangirl​ @reverse-hxlland​ @steve-thotgers​ @kylosleftbuttcheek​ @tomshollandz​

[moonnightyoongi]

crashing | doyoung

pairing: doyoung x reader

genre: angst (wat else ofc), maybe a bit of fluff?

word count: 1.7k

description: you couldn’t stop the negative thoughts from consuming you, until you saw a vending machine.

Always and forever was what they told you. When you meet someone you truly love it will be always and forever, you even convince yourself and tell them it all the time in the hopes of hearing them say it back. 

But what happens when it comes crashing down? They don’t tell you the part where you wake up one day and everything feels different. You don’t look at them the same, their smile doesn’t bring you joy, the meaningless conversations you used to love becomes a mumble you can’t understand and don’t want to hear.

Why is it never spoken about? Why does everyone hide the fact that you may one day wake up and the love is gone? Does it happen overnight? Does it happen over time? If it happens over time then why can’t you recognise it till its gone? 

How do you explain it to them? How do you tell them that the love you had somehow vanished over night and you’re now left with this sort of empty, vacant space in your heart where they used to be? 

Does it come back? If you give yourself time can you learn to love them again? Is it unfair to do so? What if the love doesn’t come back and you have wasted the time they could have spent healing and meeting other people? Does it make you a bad person, or does it make you a good person because at least you…. tried?

“You know your essay is due in like 2 hours right?” Doyoung asks.

You snap out of your thought and stare at him, “I’m thinking.”

“I don’t think you should be doing that, you’ll drain yourself,” he jokes. You roll your eyes letting out a small laugh as you stared at the empty screen in front of you.

Take creative writing they told you, you can write 8 stories in one sitting. Now you were three years into the course and you could barely write a sentence without wanting to snap your laptop in two. Writing used to be so easy for you, you loved watching people read it and hearing their thoughts on how you portrayed their emotions and made them laugh or cry. Nowadays you would hide your work in shame, every story had the same story line - boy meets girl and their love is great. You could count on your fingers and toes how many times you had compared love to the colour yellow - bright and sometimes oddly annoying.You were almost certain your teacher was one more colour yellow away from circling it and telling you to look at a rainbow.

“Can I read what you’ve written?” Doyoung asks.

“I haven’t written anything.”

“What? We’ve been here three hours.”

“Yep,” you say nodding your head, staring at the library full of students nearly pulling their hair out.

“Just compare love to the colour yellow and call it a day,” Taeyong says typing away at his computer.

“Shut up.”

“Yellow?” Doyoung frowns, “How is love yellow?”

“Bright and oddly annoying,” Taeyong replies. 

You sigh and slam your laptop lid down, “I’m going to go for a walk and clear my head.”

“Impossible, you never switch off,” Taeyong says, “Can you get me breakfast bars? I’m hungry.’

“Fine,” you sigh turning on your heel.

“I’d say love was more of a mint green,” Taeil says.

“Shut the fuck up,” Jaehyun tuts, “Mint green is a horrible colour.”

You laugh slightly as you walk out the library, how had your ramblings to get your essay over the word count become a debate on the table about what colour love really was. According to the world it was red, maybe pink, but to you - well, it was black. Black because its endless, its the colour of nothingness and never ending. Black holes? They go on forever, right? Pitch black room? Not endless, you’ll walk into a wall at some point. When you mentioned it to your friends they told you that you were stupid, black was a negative and dark colour. But, like everything, it depends on the context it’s used. Black may symbolise darkness to some but they never remember that at the end of darkness there is light.

“That makes no sense,” you grumble hitting back space and looking at the empty quad in front of you.

When you first started dating Doyoung all you could write was soppy love stories about how when two people meet who are soulmates the stars align and they no longer feel the heavy burden of trying to find someone to walk the earth with. Then it turned into stories about people who stayed together because it was easier than the pain of leaving them behind. Now your words had turn into nothingness. Not even the music you loved to write to could help you, the pages remained blank and the extensions were getting rejected by your teacher. She pulled you in and gave you some recommendations for how to beat writers block, but this didn’t feel like writers block. You had found out over this time that your ability to write was based on your emotions, and if you felt nothing then nothing would come out. 

“Still nothing?” Taeil asks coming to sit beside you as you rested against the tree.

“Nope,” you sigh.

“What’s going on? Everyone’s noticed that you’ve been daydreaming and not really here the past few months.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, what do you think about?

“I don’t know,” you reply.

“How can you not know?”

“It’s just noise,” you tell him. He looks at the grass in front of him and puts his hand on your shoulder.

“If you need help, there’s no shame in getting it.”

“I don’t think I can get help with writing this essay, it’s illegal.”

“I mean you, not your essay.”

“Why would I need help?”

“Can you tell me honestly that you feel yourself right now?”

“No.”

“Then speak to someone, even if it’s me.”

“Have you ever been in love?” You ask him.

“Yes.”

“Have you ever fell out of love while still with them?”

He pauses, “No.”

You nod your head, “I hope you never know the feeling.”

You stand up and dust off your jeans, “I need to get Taeyong cereal bars.”

“Y/N,” Taeil begins, “Usually when people fall out of love with someone it’s because they’ve convinced themselves the other deserves better.”

You look at him and blink vacantly, “Right.”

You hear Taeil sigh as you walk away from him to find a vending machine somewhere in the university buildings. Was he right? Had you somehow managed to convince yourself that Doyoung deserved someone better? Someone with a proper degree and not a creative writing degree that will probably lead them into some low paid job they hated. 

Walking into the empty hallway you saw the vending machine shining brightly amongst the darkness of the halls, suddenly it clicked. You knew what you wanted to write about. Slamming yourself on the floor of the empty hallway you clicked away at your keyboard the fasted you had since you were maybe 15 years old. Excited to write, a feeling that had become so unfamiliar to you.

It wasn’t some cringe love story, it wasn’t about the fucking colour yellow, it wasn’t about star crossed lovers or a breakup and how the person recovers over time with a little help from their friends.

It was about finding light in the darkness. The stupid vending machine had shown you the error of your ways. You had become so negative towards everything, everything was black to you - but what you were failing to realise was that if you turned ever so slightly you would see the light in the darkness, the vending machine if you will.

“Y/N,” Doyoung says shaking you awake.

“I KNOW SELF DEFENSE!” You scream, issuing a few laughters from the boys behind you, “Oh it’s you.”

“Your boyfriend? Yes, hi,” he laughs, “Are you okay?”

“Yes, why do you ask?”

“You fell asleep in the middle of the university hallway.”

“What?!” You shout, “What time is it!”

They all fumble around looking for a watch or their phones, “Oh you’re useless!” You shout shaking the mouse pad to show you the time.

“Shit! My deadline! I missed it,” you groan.

“Send it to me now,” you hear a voice say from the end of the hallway. Looking up you see your teacher with a small smile on her face.

“Miss came to find us when she find out you flat out on the floor,” Taeyong says “I assume you came to get my cereal bars and got an idea.”

“Yeah,” you groan rubbing your eyes.

“What did you write about?” Taeil asks as you rushed to send it.

“Finding light in the darkness,” you reply.

“Fucking hell she went from yellow to black and white,” Jaehyun jokes.

“Shut up!” Doyoung scolds hitting his leg, “You wanna go sleep on something other than floor?”

You nod your head, “Yeah. Did you guys finish your essays?”

“Yeah, on time too,” Taeyong says, “Without snacks that were promised.”

“Oh my god I’ll get you the stupid cereal bars tomorrow!”

“We’re already into tomorrow, I asked for them yesterday!” He shouts.

“You’ve got a real attitude for someone who’s expecting snacks from me.”

“Come on,” Doyoung says wrapping his arm around you.

You smile at him as you walk behind everyone who were pretending to kick the air and screaming - most likely from the relief of finishing their final papers of the year. After speaking to Taeil you felt better, everything made sense and you felt aligned. Sure, they was most probably going to be a lot more work to do - especially if you were good at convincing yourself everyone deserves better.

“I love you,” Doyoung says snapping you out of your thoughts.

You look at him and smile, “I love you too.”

“I want you to know one thing,” he says.

“Go for it.”

“I’ll always have time for you. Always and forever.”

“Always and forever.”

And for the first time in a long while, it didn’t sound so bad.

masterlist | ask

[kodibitesback]

kodi !

⧼   banita sandhu, cis female, she/her  /   “heads will roll” by yeah yeah yeahs +  the aroma of garlic spilling out from the curry joint that you walk past on the way home from the ministry that doesn’t smell like your dads’ kitchen but still sets your mouth watering with a hunger insatiable that you must walk away from empty, empty, empty; the heartbeat tattoo of bare feet as you move through your mudras in the dark, a goddess of shadow, a creature of the night; the mirror that you stupidly brought across the atlantic and have subsequently left to gather dust among the unpacked boxes in your ground-floor apartment because you know when you look, you won’t know any better whether you like who you are, forever.   ⧽   ━━   hey, isn’t that POONKODI “KODI” ADALARASU? i read a daily prophet article on them, once ; the TWENTY-SEVEN year old muggleborn WITCH & VAMPIRE is an ILVERMORNY alumnus who has gone on to be an AUROR. i’ve heard she can be quite SCINTILLATING & UNFLINCHING, but i don’t know… she came off very RASH & EMBITTERED in that interview. it really is hard to know what to believe these days though, isn’t it? 

pinterest // playlist 

QUICK STATS

name: poonkodi rainbow hearts adalarasu [POON-koh-dee UH-the-luh-rah-suh]; goes by “kodi” almost exclusively [sees the use of her full name as more personal] age: 27 [technically physically 25 as she was bitten two years ago] gender: cis woman, she/her sexuality: lesbian/queer blood status: muggleborn, in british terminology. raised by two loving and bohemian indian-american no-maj fathers. her parents thought she got a scholarship to a boarding school and then became a cop. now they think she’s dead. creature status: vampire, brand new. bitten while on the job. nearly died. trauma central. she’s still working on finding a good british brand of glamour charms, which she uses on and off to hide or show her status.  alma mater: ilvermorny, wampus house.  patronus: was a kingfisher. is now a bat, to her consternation. wand: 11 inches, whippy, pine wood with a wampus hair core and pearl inlay. manufactured by a descendant of johannes jonkers profession: auror with the british ministry’s department of law enforcement, auror office. was senior for her age in her division back in washington, dc, was once a wunderkind. hired in london as part of the shacklebolt administration’s diversification and beings’ rights initiatives. residence: a very dark, windowless ground-floor apartment in london pets: none. animals don’t like her anymore.  likes: loud music, dancing (club or indian classical), stupid videos, working late, thick blankets, sandals, urban exploration, midnight conversations, quodpot, adventure, decisive action, aggressive flirting, inadvisable makeouts, dueling, bar brawls, making bad vampire jokes about herself dislikes: shy people, boredom, coffee (the smell alone), wet socks, sad movies, arts and crafts, meditating (but she’s trying to do it anyway), being psychoanalyzed, the prospect of eternity, people she doesn’t like making bad vampire jokes about her 

BIOGRAPHY

[Triggering subjects in backstory include references to suicide, blood, violence, death.]

Kodi was a much-loved, much-wanted child. She had two dads, both Indian-American, one a Tamil classical dancer from a whole line of dancers and one a Punjabi art therapist. Her biological mother is her fathers’ best friend, a classical dancer of Punjabi descent. She played the role of a quirky aunt in Kodi’s life; Kodi called her by first name. Largely, she was raised by a village of multicultural artsy queer people who encouraged unconventionality in her. Precocious and bright, Kodi had an unwavering sense of justice and purpose from an early age that often set her at odds with her more free-wheeling little community. She was a charming child but sometimes unnervingly serious for her age. While she was a skillful Bharatanatyam dancer, she never wanted to be an artist. She always wanted to be a hero. 

When she learned about her magic and what that could mean for her future, she had to make a decision. The strict division between No-Maj and wix in the United States meant that she was encouraged not to tell her parents that she was a witch. She thought that they would love to know about the existence of magic, but she wanted something to be her own for once. She wanted something to be her secret. She didn't think they could keep it secret at all. They’d probably do performance art about the role of magic in society or something. In the end, she decided to lie, not knowing that as the years went on, the lies would only grow. So her parents believed she had been accepted to a prestigious boarding school for gifted children, and in fact, she had: Ilvermorny in Massachusetts. She was a smash hit at Ilvermorny with dozens of friends, good at anything she really poured her heart into, which was mostly anything that had to do with fighting Dark wix. She decided from the day that she met her favorite professor that she would be an Auror like she once was, and she worked towards this with great purpose, networking as best as she could as a No-Maj-born. 

Her efforts paid off: right out of school, she was offered a position in Washington, DC with the Auror Division there. She maintained to her dads that she was a cop, which disappointed them deeply, but she decided she had grown past what her fathers thought. She knew what the world was now, and she was going to make it a better place. For a good solid stretch from seventeen to twenty-five, she was kicking ass and taking names. She had a sharp eye and great fighting instincts, and her rise through the Division was suitably meteoric. Her personal life was a bit of a disaster, however, with a string of girlfriends that she messily dumped when they got in the way of her career. She grew more and more estranged from her parents.

As she proved herself, her case-load grew more intense and more dangerous. She became especially known for taking on lengthy assignments that required travel. On one mission that took her into the Blue Ridge Mountains to investigate an illegal potions ring, she was attacked by a vampire. She thought that she would bleed to death, but instead, horribly, she lived, or at least became undead. Kodi, who had been born without knowing she was a witch but had fallen in love with the wonder of magic, had crossed over into the Dark. When she first came to consciousness, she was in the bowels of the Division’s Virginia building, sometime past midnight, and they were asking her what they should do, what they should tell her parents.

She swallowed with a click, intensely aware of why her throat was dry and why her teeth ached. She said, “Tell them I’m dead.”

She recuperated for a long time in a special ward in the largest wixen hospital in the country. She had a lot from which to recover and a lot to which she had to become accustomed. For weeks, her magic sputtered and failed. Even when it returned to her, the magic felt different--but at least it had returned. She was still magic. Eventually, Kodi grew restless. She took the remainder of the year off to travel the world and find herself, or more accurately, her new people. Along with sundry other beings, she met vampires who were loving their countless years and vampires who seemed to be looking to get staked as fast as possible. Kodi had a bad feeling she knew where she fit in that spectrum, and yet she had come too far now to give it all up.

Thus after her prolonged absence, she returned to the DC office, changed within and without. Everywhere she looked, she felt hunted. She could still feel the teeth in the back of her neck. Her old colleagues couldn’t figure out whether to show her sympathy or give her space, but she could feel how their eyes followed her around the room. She could sense the animal fear in them because even when she drank from covered pouches, a little blood would always stain her mouth. Kodi had been raised to be proud of who she was. She was spoiled with love and opportunity. At times, people accused her of overconfidence (though she would call herself cocky but competent). Now, though, Kodi hated herself.

She needed a way out. Always with an ear to the ground, she heard rumblings from across the ocean about a push for beings’ rights from the Ministry under Shacklebolt. Kodi sensed opportunity. She made a visit to the British Ministry, pressed some flesh, passed around her resume, and without too much effort--her superiors in DC had been eager, lately, to see the back of her--she secured herself a position within the Auror Office.

She accepted the job offer before the Warbeck benefit disaster and...made the decision not to back out of it. She went ahead and rented that dark little near-underground flat she’d picked out and called up those people she’d met on her first go-around. It was time to start her new life. 

Kodi endeavors not to have regrets about anything, as she figures she should get into the habit of that if the alternative is living far too many decades, even centuries of regrets. But she can admit that even if werewolves aren’t exactly her natural allies, the environment in Britain for all magical beings is tenser than ever. She feels out of place for so many reasons. She’s American, she’s “Muggleborn,” she’s not even human anymore. Still, she’s great at making conversation, making friends, and making trouble. Kodi works into the night and parties for what’s left of it, dancing til she should be sweating, trying not to flash her fangs when she laughs. Yet her past is a heavy thing; she can’t cast off the burden of it. Every time she tries to move forward, her future feels more fraught, another roadblock rising up in front of her. 

It’s a bad time to be here. She’s trying to have a good time anyway.

FUN FACTS

yes her middle name is actually ‘rainbow hearts’ bc she is a product of her dads’ beautiful gay love. she has a real love/hate relationship to it because admittedly she does love being second-generation gay. if she tells someone her middle name or lets them call her by her full first name, you know it’s real.

she was vegan before she was turned. she’s had some confusing ethical debates about blood-drinking and maintains that she is still vegan (she avoids animal products and only drinks from consenting humans or blood donations).

the legality of her using a wand in britain due to the wand ban (clause three of the code of wand use) is tricky and she’s hoping that continues to be hand-waved. her prepared argument is that she is a human with a condition, same as lycanthropes.

WANTED CONNECTIONS 

professional - she’s a workaholic! her ministry coworkers are half her social circle! maybe someone a lil nervous about her sipping blood out of a juicebox in the breakroom? personal - friends & flings. neighbors. people she’s punched. new gf. w/e! past - she’s traveled and met all kinds of people, wix and creatures alike. reunion time? ORDER ! - she could be a real asset to the order, as she is an experienced auror and also a vampire. i’m looking for someone to recruit her, since she is currently a civilian!

PLAYED CONNECTIONS

alicia spinnet - hooked up after a queer wix speed-dating thing and before the big ministry gala 

dudley dursley - bonding over non-magical backgrounds and kodi making fun of dudley mercilessly. ministry coworkers

heather pettigrew - always butting heads as private investigator and auror. 

[sayijo]

A/N: I’m finally resuming writing for my OCs

Summary: Troy is sleep deprived + he purrs

Words: 4076

Warnings: Swearing

Troy didn’t know how it happened. 

Everything had been going fine that day. There wasn’t much to be done, so the team just hung around and did whatever they pleased. Kardin was out in the garden, Heidi had decided to help Scalyne in the garage, and Rae was probably in his room playing video games. 

But Troy was still busy. Mission reports, repairs for Rae’s prosthetic, possible weapons upgrades, the list could go on for ages. He had spent the last few days pulling all-nighters, not once stopping for a break. He couldn’t afford a break. 

His entire body ached, given that he hadn’t laid down on a bed or anything soft in days. Everything felt sore. His body had decided to go slightly numb, making him feel like he wasn’t the one who inhabited it anymore. 

The sky outside was dark. Thick, ominous clouds began to roll in, their dark presence stretching across the heavens. 

Then, all of a sudden, while sitting at his desk, he could feel his vision beginning to warp and distort. He let out a yawn, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head, wanting to stay awake for just a while longer. He just needed to hold out for a few more days…

Water droplets dripped onto the paper he was writing on. 

What was happening? He stared down at the marks on the sheet before his body let out a shaky exhale, involuntarily. All of a sudden it seemed the exhaustion from the past few days had caught up to him, forcing him to bend down to its power. He inhaled, but it was shaky and he could feel his body let out a shudder. 

His vision warped some more, and then he realized what was going on. 

He was crying. 

What the fuck? Troy doesn’t remember feeling so overwhelmed. He raised one hand to wipe at his eyes, but it only seemed to make things worse. He choked back a sob. He was just so tired. Why couldn’t anyone else see that? Why was he the only one who was going through this? 

“No—“ Troy grumbled angrily to himself, almost furious that his mind had thought up such a question. “They don’t deserve to go through this. Only I do. Shoulder the burden by yourself, Troy. They don’t have to go through this if you can do it for them.”

He swallowed the lump in the back of his throat before he looked down at whatever work he was occupied with. His neck was cramped up and his breathing came out in pants. He wanted to go over to open the window, but that would take up too much time—

He got up from his seat. The world spun violently, and his vision darkened for a few seconds. He stumbled his way over to the window before he weakly unlatched it and swung it open. Immediately, the breeze from the oncoming storm came rushing in. He let in a sharp inhale before he heard the sound of paper scattering—

“No! Shit!” Troy spun around on his heel and scrambled over to his desk, grasping at papers before they flew off the surface. He weighed them underneath his laptop before he looked around at the papers that had spilled onto the ground. 

He sighed. 

He rubbed at his eyes again, attempting to stifle a yawn. Why did nothing ever go his way? The wind picked up outside, howling, ruffling his clothes and pushing his hair in front of his eyes. He wiped at his face furiously. Dammit. Why was he breaking down at a time like this? There was still so much left to do. 

Tears began to streak down the left side of his face—

“No!” Troy hissed furiously to himself. “Stop stop, stop!” 

He ran his fingers through his hair— or rather, tore at his scalp, pulling on his white locks. The strands stuck up at odd angles, making it obvious that he didn’t have the time to take care of it. It was dry, losing its softness and becoming coated with smoke particles from working in the garage. 

He let out a choking gasp. 

“Dammit!” He cursed to himself. He couldn’t afford to break down right now! 

It was a horrible mix of both anger and exhaustion. The anger was unexplainable, but it felt like a burning hot rage trapped in his chest cavity. His eyelids were struggling to keep themselves open, dark murkiness tugging on the edges of his vision. His limbs were heavy and he just wanted to sit down and rest his head on his desk. His sight began to split and distort, and the world spun around and he suddenly found himself struggling to remain upright. 

The wind blew in through the windows again, causing him to shudder. He gripped at his arms, shaking from the cold, standing in the centre of his room, too tired to move and too exhausted to think. 

“A nap would be good—” 

“NO!” Troy shrieked, before his eyes opened up in horror, realizing he had just screamed out loud. The tiredness wore off slightly, but not by much. He cringed, waiting for someone to come knocking on his door. He stared at his desk again, lazily watching as the papers flapped around in the breeze.

Nothing.

Troy let out a sigh of relief.

A knock.

The nindroid nearly had a heart attack. He jumped a bit, letting in a sharp inhale. He scrambled back a bit, almost like how he would move back when he needed to gain more ground over an enemy. His heart was racing in his chest.

“...who is it?” Troy asked, trying his best to sound awake. 

“It’s me, dude. Rae. I heard you scream. Is everything alright?”

“I’m fine. Leave me a-a-l-l-lone.” Troy spoke, but he tripped over his tongue and he began to sputter, his grip on his emotions beginning to slip away from his grasp. He let in a shuddering inhale of oxygen, already knowing that Rae wasn’t going to let that slide so easily.

Sure enough, the doorknob jiggled before the lock restricted it.

A pause.

“Open the door, T.” Rae demanded. 

No answer from Troy. The nindroid didn’t trust himself to open his mouth anymore. He just stared down at the ground, blinking harshly, wishing for the tears to stop falling. Wishing that he wasn’t so weak. Wishing that he had the strength to continue forward a bit more—

“I...okay.” Rae seemed to come to a decision. “Just...if you want, call me, okay?”

Troy could hear the sounds of Rae moving away from the door, and then the second-in-command footsteps slowly receded until the nindroid couldn't hear them anymore. 

There was a feeling of regret that had ignited itself in the nindroid’s chest. There was a part of him that wanted to call Rae back. To have him come in, to just be in the human’s presence. He just wanted someone to be there—

“Stop it.” Troy grumbled to himself, shaking his head. “You’ve already made your decision. It’s too late for that now.”

He managed to stumble back to his desk and sat down, sighing in relief once his legs weren’t burning anymore. He stared down at the papers on his desk again. Blueprints for...something. He squinted, trying to make sense of the words lazily scribbled on the sheet. His neat handwriting had been replaced with a messy, illegible scrawl. 

He couldn’t read anymore. The words seemed to dance off the pages, worming around on the sheets. He growled a bit. His eyelids felt like they had been set on fire. He hissed in pain, squeezing his eyes shut. 

He jolted awake, the feeling of impaction on his forehead, in the middle of a recoil away from his desk. He struggled to remember what had happened. Had he fallen asleep the second his eyes had shut? Then that meant he couldn’t even close his eyes for longer than a blink. 

He grasped the pen on his desk after a few seconds of fumbling, before he reached his hand forward to write—

There was a knock at the door. 

Troy startled, almost falling out of his seat. His heart began to race, and his entire body tensed up immediately. He turned to his left, glancing at the door. 

“Who?” Troy snapped, a rage boiling itself to the surface. What was happening? Just five seconds ago he had felt nothing but fear, but now he could feel as the anger ignited itself in his wires. His hands had clenched themselves into fists. He got up from the desk rapidly, causing the chair to roll back and hit the wall. 

“General? It’s me.” Heidi spoke from the other side. 

“I have an idea for an upgrade to one of the vehicles, I just wanted to run it by you. Can you open the door so we can talk better?” She continued. Troy sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a silent yawn. He thought for a few seconds, before he sighed again. 

“Okay.” Troy mumbled, lazily making his way over to the door. On the other side, he could hear shuffling from Heidi as he approached, and...one other person? Too tired to care, the nindroid reached his hand towards the doorknob to unlock it. 

He clicked the lock open, and opened his door a crack—

There was walking. The footstep noises were unharmonious, like their two feet were made of different materials. 

An organic leg and a robotic prosthetic—

“Shit—“ Troy cursed out.

Immediately, the door was forced open. Troy could barely see Heidi standing there, before Rae stepped in front of her and basically barged his way into the room. The nindroid scrambled back some, startled, and Rae slammed the door shut behind him. 

The two stared each other down.

Then it was silent. 

“What’s up?” Rae questioned, but he spoke in a tone in which it was clear that he wanted an answer.

A pause. 

“Rae. It’s fucking nothing.” Troy turned his head, unable to look at him. He stared out the window, praying to the FSM that Rae didn’t see tears that were streaming down his face. Praying that he would just leave. 

“Nothing? You look like absolute shit, T. I don’t think that’s nothing. Come on. What’s with you and lying all the time?”

“I said I’m fine!” Troy snapped. His vision beginning to distort with tears. He almost took a deep inhale, before realizing that Rae would hear the hurt in his breath. The nindroid resorted to small puffs of air, walking over to the window, hoping the strong winds would dry his tears. 

“No, you’re not fine.” Rae spoke steadily. Troy could hear him approaching from behind. Why the hell couldn't Rae understand that the nindroid just wanted to be left alone?! Was it that hard to comprehend?!!

“Rae!! Just!! FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!!” Troy completely snarled with anger. He whirled around to face Rae, his features curling up as he snarled at his second-in-command. Rae blinked, before his expression morphed into one of worry and concern. 

“T?” Rae’s eyebrows creased. “You’re…”

What now? What else did the dumbass have to say? And why was everything so blurry all of a sudden?

Oh shit. 

Troy was crying for real now. Tears were streaming down his face, blurring his vision, making his entire body shake. The nindroid turned away quickly, a hand moving up to cover his face, but by then he already knew that Rae had seen. He gritted his teeth, already knowing that the human would start yelling—

“What’s happening?!” Rae demanded, this time his voice raised. Troy winced at his tone, feeling a sob building up in the back of his throat. He wasn’t supposed to be like this: on the verge of a breakdown, breaking at the seams, struggling to hold himself together. 

“Troy?” Rae spoke again, this time his voice much softer, like he was comforting a wounded animal. “Look at me, dude.”

Troy bit his lip. 

“No.” The nindroid hissed. 

“Troy? Please. Just, I want you to look at me, okay? Please. Just, look at me. Turn to face me.”

“R-Rae. I’m fucking f-fine.” Troy spoke, desperation bleeding into his tone. He was aware that Rae had approached the nindroid from his right, and Troy was now spinning to his left, away from Rae’s sight, hiding his face. His white locks fell before his eyes. 

“No, you’re not. Please. I care about you man. You look fucking awful. Just tell me what’s up, and we can work it out, okay?”

“I said I’m f-fine! Plea-please! Rae just!! Leave me a-a-alone!” Troy was basically begging at this point. His tears had made everything blurry, and his eyelids were burning in exhaustion. He could feel Rae place a hand on his right shoulder from behind. 

“No.” Rae spoke. His voice was stern, like when he commanded the team instead of Troy.

One word was all it took. 

Troy turned to face his second-in-command, tears spilling down his cheeks, his face contorted into a snarl. He was just so fucking tired. Rae’s expression softened a bit, before he opened up his arms, gently beckoning forward with his hands. The human smiled softly, relaxing his stance. An open invitation. 

Troy moved forward, before his knees buckled out from underneath him and he collapsed into Rae’s arms. His hands gripped the fabric near Rae’s chest, burying his face in the human’s torso. He could feel as Rae wrapped his arms around the nindroid, hands running down the nindroid’s back. 

The nindroid didn’t even realize that he was sobbing until a few seconds later, when his head began to clear, crying out all of his exhaustion and frustrations. He clung to Rae, hands scrambling for anything that he could find purchase on. His hands wrapped around his back, the nindroid’s grip tightening up, his joints locking. He was aware that Rae was talking softly, the second-in-command gently lowering both of them to the ground. 

“Shhhhh.” Rae whispered quietly, tightening up his hold in return. “What’s up?”

“...I-I’m tired.” Troy rasped, his vision completely blurred was tears. He leaned all his weight against Rae, and thankfully, the human was able to keep them upright. Troy shook, the nindroid’s right hand reaching up and trying to cover his face, shameful. His breathing came in gulps, all his exhales irregular and unbalanced. 

“It’s...it’s okay.” Rae spoke, taking pauses to think over his words. He sighed softly, looking down at the nindroid who leaned against his chest. He reached up, patting the nindroid’s back, and when Troy didn’t say anything else, he started to talk once more. 

“You’re gonna be okay. I got you. Dude, you look like shit. When’s the last time you slept?”

Troy looked up, peeking up at Rae. His face morphed into a tired glare. 

Rae smiled weakly. He hummed quietly, listening as the nindroid occasionally would heave and hitch in painful breaths. The sounds felt like a stab in Rae’s heart, like someone had grabbed a hold of the organ and squeezed tightly. He was never good at comforting people, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try. 

“But like seriously dude. How long have you gone without sleep?” 

A pause. 

He could see as Troy’s face twitched, struggling to remember. The nindroid’s eye dimmed, before he slumped against Rae’s chest. He sighed, sleepily looking out the window as the wind picked up again, chilling then both to the bone. 

“...few days.” Troy mumbled softly. 

“And you never thought to take a break because..?”

“I—” Troy opened his mouth again, but shut it. His eyes were struggling to remain open. He looked up at Rae again, before he looked away once more. He shook his head, biting his bottom lip. 

Rae shook the nindroid slightly, as if trying to shake the answer out of the nindroid.

“Troy.”

The nindroid sighed, and he grumbled a bit. 

“I just...didn't want to bother you.”

“...what?” Rae raised a brow. 

“With work.” Troy answered, looking down at the ground, turning his head away. “You don’t have to do it. If I can do it, then you don’t need to.” 

“What the fuck? You gotta share that burden with me, dude. With us.”

“But there isn’t a need to!” Troy snapped, his eyes darting to over where Rae was, his eyes brightening up, but not by much. He winced, his face bunching up into a grimace, teeth-baring back into a snarl. 

“If I can do it by myself, then I will! There isn’t a need to ask you! There isn’t a need to ask anyone! I don’t want you to go through what I go through! I’m the fucking leader here! I should be the one doing all of it!” The nindroid continued, anger rising in his tone, bleeding into his voice. 

“But...you’re overworking yourself. Just because you can do it doesn’t mean you should.” Rae spoke softly. He gripped Troy tightly, not wanting the nindroid to leave, resuming the motion of his hands against the nindroid’s back. 

“But I—!”

“No buts. If you keep this shit up I’m sure you’re going to overheat your brains. We’re a team, T. Stop shouldering all this shit by yourself. I don’t give a shit that you are the leader. Alright? Now, you’re going to go to sleep whether you like it or not.” Rae spoke, before he got up, hauling Troy up like a sack of potatoes. The nindroid grumbled a bit, trying to squirm out of his grip.

Rae pretty much dumped Troy onto the nindroid’s bed like he weighed nothing. The nindroid could barely move, his head sinking halfway into the pillows, sprawled out on his left side. He watched as Rae walked over to the window, struggling to shut it. The sound of the wind outside quieted, and the warmth of the room returned.

“Alright, asshole. Go to sleep.” Rae eyed the papers on Troy’s desk.

“...no.” Troy grumbled, before he shakily forced himself to sit up. 

Rae marched over, planted his two hands on Troy’s shoulders, and pushed down, The nindroid crumpled back down onto the mattress with barely any resistance, his eye dimming until it was nothing but a black void. He yawned, before covering his mouth with his elbow and looking away. 

“But I have work—”

“No! Shut the fuck up!” Rae pretty much crawled onto the bed and pinned the nindroid underneath his weight, sprawled over his chest. 

“But—”

“Troy you bastard. Just go to sleep.”

“I...fuck, Rae. Leave me alone.”

“Nah.”

“Rae! I...I have work to do.” Troy sighed, allowing his eyes to close, feeling like there were drawstrings pulling them shut. He could hear the mechanisms in his body begin to slow down, all of his processes decelerating to a crawl. He weakly attempted to push Rae away, but found that impossible. The human refused to budge from his spot. 

“Fine.” Rae sighed, a look of disappointment passing over his features. He turned his face to glance at the nindroid, but made no effort to shift off of Troy. 

“Ten minutes.”

“...what?” Troy whispered.

“If you nap for ten minutes then I’ll let you work. I’ll wake you, don’t worry.” Rae answered, casting the nindroid a weak smile. 

A pause.

Troy sighed softly, allowing his body to relax, sinking into the mattress. 

“Okay.” He whispered, the word barely even audible as it hung on his lips. That seemed like a good enough deal. His breathing was soft, and he could feel his grip on the outside world fall away from his grasp. The world grew darker, and he aware of the sound of rain pelting against the window, its quiet lullaby and rhythmic pace lulling him to sleep. 

“He’s not going to wake you.” 

The nindroid barely had enough time to consider that possibility before he passed the point of no return. His breathing deepened, his world blackening as all of his senses cut out. His entire body grew slack, falling into a deep slumber.

“He’s not going to wake you.” 

To be fair, he kinda hoped that was the case. 

Rae chuckled quietly. He glanced over at the nindroid, who lay on his back, his head slightly slumped over to the left side. His arms were folded over his chest, his torso expanding and contracting in sync with his breathing, the gentle sound of machinery accompanying so.

They lay like that for a while. The sound of the rain outside picked up its volume, the wind rattling the frame of the window. The room darkened significantly from the clouds outside, and the automatic lights in the room flickered to life, bathing the walls and ceiling in a soft neon purple glow. 

It was too silent. 

Rae glanced over at the nindroid again. Troy’s face was set in a slight frown, his lips parted slightly every time he would exhale softly. Rae frowned, before he dug around in his pants around for a while, before pulling out what he wanted. He tapped around for a few seconds, before he placed the phone away. 

It wasn’t long before Rae heard shuffling from outside the door. He looked up, and noticed a shadow from underneath the crack between the door and the floor. 

“Hey, come here.” Rae whisper-hissed at the door, trying to keep his voice low. 

“But…” A soft voice came through the door, muffled by the material. “It would be unwise to wake him, no?”

“This is life or death here!” 

That certainly seemed to get the other nindroid’s attention. The door was quietly clicked and pushed open, and Kardin stuck his head in. He blinked twice when he set his eyes on Rae, before his eyes darted to where Troy lay sprawled on the bed.

“Yes?” 

“How do you get him to do it?” Rae asked. He shifted into a sitting position on the mattress, rolling his tense shoulders around. Kardin raised an eyebrow, confusion passing over his features. He stepped into the room, his footsteps barely even audible against the wooden floor. 

It was only when the nindroid stepped into the room did Rae realize that Domino was slung over Kardin’s shoulders, the cat looking like an extremely fluffy travel pillow. His blue eyes stared Rae down in a condescending manner.

Kardin strode over to the side of the bed, before he blinked again, his mouth opening before closing without making a noise, still confused.

“Do what?” Kardin finally managed to ask.

“The...shit. What’s it called? Purring? Yeah, the purring. Last time you worked your magic and he started purring like a cat. What’s happening now?”

“He’s not purring.” Kardin answered.

“That’s not what I meant.” Rae chuckled quietly, before he winced a bit at his tone. He gestured with his left hand back to Troy, who remained asleep. “Am I missing something? Like, why not now? He’s so...quiet.”

“You’re not doing anything.”

“Hey. Gimme some credit here. I made him sleep.” Rae countered.

Kardin merely sighed, rolling his eyes, before he approached Rae some more. He reached a hand out, and gripped the human’s left wrist in his hand. Rae looked up at him, a bit confused, but allowed Kardin to guide his hand towards Troy.

Rae’s hand softly planted itself on the top of Troy’s head as Kardin removed his own hand, the human’s palm buried in a sea of white strands that the leader called hair. 

Almost immediately, a soft rumble emitted itself from the taller nindroid. Rae flinched slightly, startled at the sudden noise, before turning his head over to look at Kardin. 

Domino began to purr as well. Kardin reached up and scratched underneath the cat’s chin.

The shorter nindroid smirked softly, before he stood up fully, slowly, making sure Domino remained on his shoulders. He then made his way to the door gently, trying his best not to make much noise.

“You should know what to do now.”

Rae resorted to running hands softly through the nindroid’s hair, gently scratching at the scalp. The purring increased in volume, Troy shifting his head into the touch. A small smile pulled at the nindroid’s lips. Rae nearly laughed out loud. He wanted to record a video to blackmail the nindroid later, but was sure that if Troy ended up finding out, Rae would find himself six feet underground.

“Sleep well, you dumbass.”

[thehollowprince]

Why I am Anti Tony Stark

I’ve been debating on making this post for quite a while now, and I just decided to go with it an do it.  Actually, no, I reblogged something from @groovycrusadeperson yesterday and then someone left a comment on my reblog.  

Said comment is right here

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a big name blog or particularly sought after for advice and a place to rant in the Anti Tony community, which is alright.  This isn’t an attempt to gain more followers or make a name for myself.  I barely respond to the few messages I get now, and almost all of my recent followers over the last few months have been porn bots.  No, this is just me finally fed up with this BS and deciding to air my grievances to the world... or Tumblr, as it were.

I wasn’t always an “Anti”.  In fact, up until Age of Ultron, I didn’t really have much of an opinion on Tony Stark.  I never really got into his comics because I thought he was a douche, and out of all the movies, his interested me the least.  I liked them, sure.  He was witty and always had a sarcastic comeback at the ready, which I appreciated, but I just never connected with him.  Part of that could be his obviously insane amount of wealth, but looking back, I think it was his behavior, particularly around alcohol.  Brought up a lot of personal shit so I just avoided the character.

But after Age of Ultron, I really started to dislike him, for his blatant hypocrisy and the fact that he was eating up so much of the screen time.  The Avengers movies are supposed to be ensemble movies, not “Tony Stark and Friends”.  Particularly, Civil War was the deciding weight that threw me headlong into the Anti Tony Stark community.  

You couldn’t go anywhere in the tags on this hellsite related to anything in the MCU without coming across a post about how Tony Stark was right and Steve Rogers and his Team were horrible people and deserved to burn in Hell.

Granted, part of that problem was just bad tagging.  People, if you want to make a post all about the virtues and awesomeness of Tony Stark, that’s great, but there’s no reason you have to tag literally every character AND actor in the MCU on the post.

Sidenote, can I just point out, how weirdly hypocritical it is of most of the users on this site to go on and on about how Tony was right in regards to the Accords when there are posts floating around about how we need to eat the rich and end capitalism and illegal detention, especially for stupid shit.?

That’s one of the reasons I can’t stand Tony Stark anymore... his fans, or more accurately, his stans.  These people who will bend over backwards to defend their trash fave from any criticism for the horrible things he’s done while blowing other things way out of proportion for other characters, or even outright lying, so as to villainize them.  A recent example of that would be here.  Notice how Tony Stark wasn’t even mentioned in the original post, but that’s literally the first comment on the thread, a stan coming in to talk about how horrible Steve Rogers is.

This happens quite frequently.

The other main reason I can’t stand Tony Stark anymore has to do with the MCU itself.  Over and over, like in the image above, I see Tony stans mocking the Anti community for their “obsession” with Tony Stark, not really understanding that most of the blogs they attack are just side blogs that were invented for the sole purpose of venting their frustrations with the character and his fanbase.

“Why don’t you just talk about the characters you like instead of bashing Tony” is the most common comeback/remark I see in regards to Anti Tony posts.

Trust me, I would love to talk about how amazing Sam Wilson is.  I would love to talk about Bucky finally getting out of the battle and just living his life.  I would love to talk about Natasha’s past with the Red Room and KGB and how that shaped who she is today.  I would love to talk about Sharon Carter and her life growing up in the shadow of such a powerful woman.  I would love to talk about Wanda’s life without her brother and how that must affect her.  I would love to talk about Vision’s realization that he’s not just a computer program and how he’s beginning to develop human feelings.  I would love to talk about Scott Lang and his amazing relationship with his his ex-wife and her husband, all of them loving Cassie, or even his relationship with Carlos and the boys.  I would love to talk about the changed dynamic between Bruce and the Hulk.  I would love to talk about Thor and the heavy burden he bears as the king of his people.  I would love to talk about Clint Barton and his life on the farm with his family.

But I can’t.

The reason I can’t really talk about these things: they don’t exist!

Through whatever kind of sorcery he has at his disposal, RDJ has negotiated for more and more screen time in each movie, meaning we have more screen time of Tony Stark than any other character in the MCU.  As I said, I would love to talk about any and all of the things I listed above, but most of the screen time is dedicated to Tony Stark.  He’s who the executives and producers and whatever have decided to dedicate all of their energy on, leaving almost every other character on the wayside.  You don’t believe me, look at Civil War.  A movie that was supposed to be Steve Rogers last chance to shine, became mostly about Tony’s manpain because Feige and the Russos decided to turn it into the third Avengers movie instead.

Arguably, I could make posts about about all of those things I mentioned, but for starters, those are just headcanons.  I’m a particular sucker for continuity in movies and would like to see some of these things realized on film instead of just in my head.  But also, the odds are particularly high that some rabid Tony stan will try to hijack the post and make it about their fave or trying to trash my faves.  I don’t know if they thrive on the conflict or if they’re just that pissy that people could like other characters aside from their faves, making whole posts without even mentioning him.

I don’t know.  I feel I may have started rambling there, but I stand by my opinion.

TL/DR; I don’t need a reason to hate Tony Stark, I can do that all of my own volition, but the reasons I do, have everything to do with his fanbase and what has been presented in the MCU already.

[hyperesthesias]

Loki x Sigyn

Love Never Dies | Part II

Rating: E

Words: 2.915

Summary: Jane’s stay on Asgard is not entirely what she had hoped -- Thor gone, Odin less than welcoming, and a cantankerous Loki as her chaperone. But is there a reason for his more-than-usual grouchiness?

Notes: damn this one’s long. sorrynotsorry. anyway i hope you like it. im really loving writing this one. hopefully more will be revealed in the next chapter. even im excited.

The morning on Asgard was rather different -- Jane awoke not with the ebbing light of daybreak through the balcony doors as she might have if she had been on her own homeworld, but it seemed as though the light were insufferable and inescapable. It swallowed everything around her, dampened only by the briefly open curtains around the bed; she reckoned they were placed out of forethought rather than decoration. It took her many moments of lying on her back with her eyes forcefully closed in an attempt to will herself back to sleep before she realised it was futile, and she might as well have been wide awake. It took her even longer to appreciate the fact that though the light from Asgard’s main star was permeating, it was not utterly warm -- like that of the desert Sun in New Mexico, or any number of places she’d visited on Earth. If there was one thing she had learned -- and learnt quickly in her field -- it was that the Sun was a harsh and unforgiving master of the dying earth beneath it. Thus, she lay there for some while, struggling between half awakeness and coherentness, likening that the reasoning was because Asgard took care of its world, of its atmosphere, rather than humans who had quite literally punched a hole through theirs. Hers. Was she so ready to think of herself as separate? Was it arrogance? Or was it something else?

This thought awakened her more than any familiar feeling of astronomy or physics. For it was the branch of a thought seeded deep within her subconscious -- a seed she was neither ready nor willing to exhume. 

Instead, she buried it deeper in the soil of her thoughts and pushed herself out of the bed she’d been given graciously by the Queen Frigga, Thor’s mother. She smiled at the relation -- they were so similar in appearance, and yet they seemed so opposite in personal likeness. She considered it sweet, endearing, that he was capable of such faithful love despite differences. Even grave differences.

She found a frown on her face when her thoughts turned to his dark haired brother, Loki, who resided in the suite beside hers. She had been given the suite in between the brothers. Jane had asked the Queen if the space had already existed between them, or if something had been rearranged -- for she would have felt horribly guilty had been the latter. But much to her relief, and somewhat expectancy, the gap had remained. She explained the brothers’ fighting was insufferable, nearly audible through the whole royal wing of palace if they were not separated, thus, their suites had been adjusted. Frigga had to decide who moved and who stayed, for they fought over that too, she revealed. 

Jane felt a pitiful grin emerge over her as she dressed herself and readied herself for the day -- pausing in uncertainty of what to do with herself whilst Thor was away on Odin’s convenient ‘peace-keeping’ mission. Nonetheless, she would attend breakfast as she did the day prior and hope for the best. 

She remembered the way to the breakfast room with ease, quickly strolling down the long hallways as she came to it, where she was dismally surprised to see Loki already seated and eating. 

“Ah, look who decided to partake,” his insults began. 

“Good morning,” she grumbled back, deciding not to hide the equal amount of bitterness -- bitterness if only to hide the confusion of how or what to feel or do around him. “You’re up early.”

“I’m an early riser,” he mused as he sipped something warm from a mug.

“More like an insomniac -- I heard you tossing last night,” she sighed and sat down, at the place she’d taken the day before, tossing a glance at him all the way at the other end of the table.

He only pursed his lips. “Perhaps you should be more selective in your hearing.” 

“And maybe you should try some tea or warm milk,” it was half sarcasm, half actual suggestion, as she was surprised by a servant who brought her plate.

“I doubt such trivial things will be of help,” he muttered, cursing himself after he spoke that he had revealed her to be correct in her assumption.

She watched his expression draw and grow dark as he ceased his meal and placed a thumb to his lips, his eyes unmoving and pensive. “Nightmares?” she assumed -- only because she recalled her own demeanour to be similar after her own experience with Malekith and the Aether; the fear it begot stirring in her nightmarish and strange dreams that had yet to cease.

“Careful, girl -- you know not of what you speak,” he snapped, his eyes the only things about him to move as they landed on her with prejudice. 

She quickly bit her tongue, trying to hide the fear of what he might do -- frightened that she had irreparably offended him in someway and she would yet face retribution. 

But she did not hide it well enough, and he saw the fear on her -- he smelt it on her, untamed and wild, he could recognise it anywhere, if only by empathy. He drew a sharp breath, feeling the grit of guilt on his teeth for having being short with her -- she was young, innocent, unknowing of the burden he bore, unknowing of her hand in worsening it. And altogether he could hear Sigyn’s quiet, soothing voice brush against his ear:

‘She cannot help her limitations, be kind, my love. Be kind.’

A heavy respire brought round bother her attention and his words back to him: “I have been deemed by Odin to accompany you throughout the palace,” he began, refusing to look at her, instead at the half eaten plate beneath him. “You are not to attend anywhere I am not, you are not to speak to any one I do not deem necessary, you are not to wander from, pester, or otherwise interfere with me or those around you.”

She tried -- for Thor’s sake -- not to take too personally his tone or his words, but at least they hadn’t come with as much spite. “So you’re...my babysitter?” she concluded, unsure if that had been an insult to Loki or her by Odin.

“Think of me as more of a...cultural liaison,” he motioned, and made the mistake of looking up at her -- briefly taken aback at the way the morning’s light struck her, they way her eyes seemed to be...on fire. He saw in that moment, not Jane, the Midgardian, but Sigyn, the Queen and Guardian of Nashtar, the Forest Realm. His wife, his love, his everything. 

But the image was abruptly taken from him as reality merged with the fictitious image in all but a second and he was along again. He tore his sights from her once more and placed them at the plate before him, having yet to take a bite.

“‘Cultural liaison’,” she repeated with a note of scepticism. “You realise there has to be some form of culture involved in order for that to work, right?”

He huffed at her persistence, but agreed nonetheless. “I assure you, I will not bore you senseless. I am certain there is something in these walls which will pique your interest,” he waved a hand vaguely. “That’s not to say I can think of anything at the moment, but...” 

She rolled her eyes. “Well, why don’t you show me what you like to do, or where you like to go?”

He paused, recalling his usual visiting places, and eliminated both those of illegality and danger, and came to a few conclusions off hand. “Very well.” 

She hadn’t been entirely sure whether she’d sealed a fate of doom or pleasure in her suggestion, but the one thought she had come to was: for being such a notorious silver-tongue he had hardly spoken a word to her the rest of the day -- or even looked at her for that matter. They’d been to the library, where she confessed an illiteracy to Asgardian, but a familiarity with Norse -- where Loki then supplied her with several children’s books, but she had whether to figure it a jab or a usefulness. They went to the music room where she witnessed instruments she had never imagined, and some rather familiar, studying frequencies, jotting notes when she could to compare to other notes when she returned. And he had yet to take her to a garden, though he had not specified what kind. 

Though, with every step alongside his, she was wary of perhaps setting him off into a frenzy in which he would snap at her again -- or worse. For she held two conflicting images of the man in her head: a vicious monster, who wrought naught but destruction, and self-sacrificing protector. Yet, with every word, she felt it necessary to decipher which was speaking.

“Come here,” he said, beckoning her with a finger as he stood outside his suite. 

She stood away from him, nearer her own door, where she furrowed her brow, suspicious of his motives in his invitation. 

“Oh for the sake of Valhalla -- I will not hurt you, now come here,” he said more sternly, unable to hide his frustration. 

She looked around, seeing the guards posted nearby -- they did nothing to make her suspect of his meaning, they did not stop him or even look at them. And she reassured herself that Darcy had lent her a TASER for the trip which she carried everywhere -- that if need be, she would use it. Thus, she obeyed, and approached him.

He opened the door to his suite, never relaying his regret that she should fear him so at all, and ushered her inside. Following behind her, he was quick to admonish preemptively: “Do not touch anything.” 

She had no intention, her hands where in the folds of her clothes, one hand on the TASER, the other on her stomach. But her fear did not allay her curiosity, and she found her eyes wandering to the state of his suite:

An organised mess. She could tell it had once been organised, it once was home to order, but had been recently thrust into chaos. The outer room was home to a lounge, hardly used for leisure, nearly pristine, save for the papers and clothes that piled atop it; a chest of drawers with a few drawers lightly open here and there as though he frequently rushed through them, and a desk with a hutch, the most organised space of all: as though he used it all the time. On it sat a mechanical device of some sort, at which she squinted -- she had never seen anything like it. Parts and pieces lay in columns all along the desk, with blueprints, hand drawn, beneath it all. But before she could make out what, precisely, it was he had been building, she was scolded from farther along the room: 

“It is impolite to spy on another’s belongings,” Loki droned, and stood beside a pair of open balcony doors.

She hurried along, grabbing one last glance at the desk’s contents before she hurried to him. “I’m sorry I -- just...” she looked up at him, where she caught his direct eye, under which she felt so very, very small. Thor towered over her, and yet she never felt small beneath his gaze, yet Loki seemed to loom uneasily: she felt very much akin to prey beneath the death stare of a hunter. Yet, he did not strike, he did not chastise, he did not scold, he did nothing, but turn away. 

In truth, had he held her gaze any longer, he felt he would not be able to keep up his facade, thus it had been easier to walk away with his stern and unforgiving exterior intact than risk it altogether. But he spoke nothing of this, and instead introduced her to the garden, his garden:

“I planted all of these,” he stated, unable to obscure the sound of pride from his voice as he stepped among the flowers and plants and trees. “I planted this one when I was a boy,” he smiled, craning his neck to see far above them where a tree lofted above the rest of the garden. 

Jane’s mouth gaped open. “It’s enormous! It must be so old -- I mean -- not that I mean...what I meant was...”

He only eyed her with his neck still lifted. “You are correct, it is two and a half millenia old -- far older than you will ever be.” 

Her mouth closed and her shoulders sank. “Right.”

“Which begs the question, why Thor would bother with a woman whose life is so fleeting -- and even more than that,” he turned, his hands clasped behind him, “why you would allow him to.”

Now that he spoke to her directly, she found she much preferred when he did not. Berated and belittled, she fumbled for her words, to justify herself to him -- a potential brother in law, if all were honest. “We...We are in love,” she took a step back out of offence. “Love is much more than...how many years one has together -- it’s about...being with that person completely when you have them,” she respired when she found the truth expelled itself from her.

Her words stung him -- far more than he had anticipated. He felt a small gasp in his lungs when she spoke and it was his turn to find his footing. “Foolish girl,” was all he could muster. “You know not the pain you will cause him. You will age, and he will not, and whilst he is cursed to the land of the living, you will be withering away until there is naught left of you but the deathbed that becomes his arms and last words are stolen by breaths full of regret!” he found he nearly lost his composure as he closed his words, and he knew it was not Thor and Jane he spoke of, but of Sigyn. The woman whose name was forbidden.

At first his harsh and unending words brought a stinging to her eyes, where she had half the mind to leave him and barricade herself in her room for the rest of the time Thor was gone. But then he turned away, a sharp exhale escaping him -- one she was not meant to hear -- and a pursing of his lips and a furrowing of his brow full of pain and not foresight but experience. And she realised all at once he spoke not of her, but of someone else. Someone he had once loved.

There was a lingering silence between them as he turned his back on her, yet unseeing to the plants before him, and she stared at him, suddenly understanding the bitterness, the coldness, the anger --

“How did she die?” she finally asked.

He briefly lifted his head, and his shoulder raised as he drew a breath. “She was murdered,” he answered, honestly for once, before he turned and looked her in the eye: “By one of your kind.”

Sense upon sense seemed to be poured over all his prior actions and his words, and she swallowed as she nodded. “That’s why you hate Midgard.”

He became quiet again, licking his lips. “Mostly.”

“I’m sorry...” she whispered, speaking from sincerity, extending her heart to him.

This surprised him and he drew back somewhat, straightening himself, before he turned from her again. “There’s nothing to be done about it.”

That, however, was a lie.

She had the mind to ask another question, but started when there came a rustling from deeper within the garden. “Is someone here?” she felt her hand go once more to her TASER.

“There should not be,” he replied, cocking his head curiously to the sound, when a gentle smile washed over him when its origin revealed itself. His shoulders relaxed, his face untensed, his entire being seemed to be at peace when there emerged from the foliage a deer-like creature from the hiding place. 

“A deer?” Jane let go of the weapon as she found herself smiling as well. 

“Indeed -- I rescued her,” he boasted, proud of such an innocent accomplishment. “Thor and his hunting party had her in their sights some while ago, I stopped them.”

While she appreciated the sentiment, she didn’t understand. “Why? Are you...vegan or...the Asgardian vegan-equivalent?” she felt embarrassed asking, uncertain the customs, neither the rituals. 

He only gave her a puzzling look, before he returned his sights to the doe and the rustling bush behind her. “I do not know what that is, but...” he motioned a hand to the bush. “That is why.”

Out followed the doe a young fawn, surely just a week old.

“She was with fawn, thus, I rescued her. Gave her a place f safety in which to rest and nurse her young,” he continued.

There spoke the self-sacrificer, the protector. 

She quietly approached, coming beside him as they watched the creatures investigate the greenery. “She’s beautiful.” 

His smile widened as he gazed at the doe. “Yes, she is.”

“What’s her name?” she asked, glancing from the deer to Loki.

A breath. And a pause. But he did not break his sights. “Sigyn. Her name was Sigyn.”

[jimpren1950-blog]

Big Brother and Pain Relief

We are now facing a very serious crisis in this country when it comes to the legitimate prescribing of opiates and methadone for relief of chronic pain. Many older Americans suffer from crippling dystrophies, autoimmune diseases, arthritis, However, the crisis isn’t the with the prescribing, its with the government now pushing their new age Reefer Madness campaign to wipe out their latest enemy, the LEGITIMATE use of opiates, such as Oxycodone, for those people with unbearable pain caused by diseases that are bundled under the banner of autoimmune diseases. Since modern medicine is pretty much guessing their way through these horrors, they are frankly unable to explain with certainty what causes a person's immune system to turn on them and destroy their bodies in horrible ways, crippling ways. What truly lies behind this massive campaign, I believe I have  been able to determine. But, as my wise grandfather often told me, when looking for the reason behind things, just follow the money trail. 

So, if we attempt to follow the money trail, where does it end? Let’s take tobacco products, mainly cigarettes, and how almost every state in the Union jumped on the lawsuit bandwagon, given the premise that smoking will eventually lead to a healthcare crisis that “forced” them to put the heavy tax burden on the consumer. Their deceit knows no boundaries, but wow have they all profited from it! I am neither advocating smoking or am I condemning those of their own free will who choose to use it.I wonder how many of those tax dollars really go into some super fund to cover your healthcare when you get sick. In my humble opinion, not much, if any, of it. They will blame you for smoking, and still not give you proper healthcare. With the aggressive take over of the healthcare industry, Uncle Sam will hold all the cards, and can deny anyone anything.

Back to opiates. Let's follow that money trail briefly. Doctors all over the country are now running like scared rabbits from prescribing opiates for chronic pain, not because they wouldn’t do it, but because Big Brother is hot on their tails! Honestly, if you are in the last 10-20 years of your life, does it really matter if you are addicted by the legitimate use of them? Wouldn’t you rather be able to enjoy those final years in some level of comfort? Is that really so terrible? Sure, there is an underground or black market industry selling them illegally, but that is the case whenever legitimate outlets are no longer available. What do we do when we truly require them to have any hope of a decent existence, and our government has made them almost entirely unavailable? If you play by the rules, you’ll be cut off, so it will force many otherwise law abiding citizens to seek the relief they need, not to get high but simply to moderate their crippling pain, through other sources of supply, and once again the illegal drug business will flourish by stealing legally produced and not so legally produced versions because Uncle once again decided to ban their latest enemy, prescription painkillers.

I believe the real money trail ends in countless lawsuits by states, federal government,and those poor folks who do bad things because of the “evil” pharmaceutical companies who get them hooked, and by the ubiquitous ambulance chasers. Sound familiar? It better, because I believe that's where this is all going, just like tobacco. Drug companies are not going take the fall for this latest atrocity by government out of control with its latest campaign issue, and will simply quit producing them; heck, they don’t make that much on them anyway!

The real irony here is that in the days of Reefer Madness, Uncle condemned the use of the evil Weed, and jailed otherwise decent people for even using it, much less selling it. Now, the pain management industry is pushing their opiate patients to get Weed Cards and do legally what Uncle condemned as evil in my parents generation.  Their hypocrisy knows no boundaries! If we don’t start beating up on our “elected” representatives, threatening them with no more re-elections, they will all climb on the opiate bandwagon, while doing their drugs in the comfort of their Georgetown villas. If we stand by and let this happen, this crisis will make cocaine, weed, heroin, and the rest of the plethora of illegal and dangerous drugs look like a minor bump on the roadway of living,, and decent people will die as a result of them flooding the market with their backyard concoctions. Is that what you want? If so, say nothing, but if not, damnit, say something!

One last thing. We need to quit electing lawyers as our representatives. They pass laws that feed their brethren in private practice, which then feeds the courts that are adjudicated by judges who are, guess what? Lawyers! Get the picture??