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twistedastrology · 9 months ago

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hi. yap to me. about your chart. and tell me what you think about other placements PLEASE!!

god bless u omg ok lemme break it down 4 u

why im built like that: a yapping session abt my own chart

ok so firts things first we gotta go thru my absolute pride and joy- this is the placement that when i discovered it in my baby astrologer era i was like Omg thats so cool what-

we got mars and saturn in my 1st house ur honor (unless in whole sign houses in which case saturn is in my 2nd 💔)

i always loved saturn as a planet before i got into astrology n then i came 2 love it even more and this bad boy in my 1st house is why i am so petrified of losing who i am!!!! and my mars i think just makes me very energetic and driven tbh amongst many other things

ofc these 2 are largely responsible for a lot in my chart but that's the basics of what they do-

SECOND THING'S SEOCNDN-

my other pride and joy, my mercury in gemini 💞💞💞💞

i love mercury SO much and despite it largely being the reason for my adhd, it absolutely dominates my chart (along with my outer planets) and is so powerful that it colors my sun more gemini than taurus (especially since i literally dont have any other earth placement except for my lilith in virgo- im all water/fire/air 🙏🙏)

in whole sign houses it would be also be in my 12th house which makes so much sense for me bc i will psychoanalyze Everyone to an ungodly degree because i love learning how people fundamentally work and how things influence them- this and my jupiter in scorpio + moon/neptune in my 8th house is the reason for my love of psychology-

THIRD THISNGS THIRD-

my outer planets 🥰🥰🥰🥰

i was born in the pre shadow period of uranus retrograde btw so while i strongly feel the effects of it being in pisces, i also feel the effects of if it was in my 8th house-

uranus and neptune are both direct in my chart and they're also in mutual reception so they have a LOOOOOT of power in my chart especially if u read my neptune post where i said neptune actually rules cancer (and the moon rules pisces) bc then neptune is given more power via my cancer rising-

my pluto is actually In retrograde so i often have to read pluto in 5th house stuff bc i feel it way more than pluto in 6th house stuff- and like i said in my jupiter post that got fucking obliterated by god for some reason, my pluto is actually conjunct Sagittarius A* (the galaxy's black hole) with only a difference of 51 minutes, and it's in mutual reception with my jupiter in scorpio so there's a lOT going on there 💔💔💔

that pluto tho and probably jupiter too tbh is why whenever im doing something creative whether it be editing or writing or one of the other 5 billion things i do, i usually feel like i turn into some sort of conduit for something WAY bigger than myself and all my cancer energy amplifies it and makes whatever i do also have a very cathartic property to it!!!

4TH THSINSGS FORUTH

since ive been super into astrology ive also looked at my mom's chart like 1 billion times and mine too and what i find fascinating is that she's a capricorn rising and i have saturn in my 1st house, and she has mars in cancer and venus in aries just like i do, but her mars is conjunct her descendant line just like mine is conjunct my ascendant line-

she's also saturn ruled as hell but she's an aries sun/mercury and u would THINK we would hate each other but no we literally have an unbreakable bond- i know the usual idea of like a capricorn mom vs a cancer child is Not Great but her and i make me wonder otherwise 😭😭😭

5YH THINGS FIFTH-

i have some extremely slay aspects ur honor- I like 2 think anyway-

my fav aspects i have are:

- mercury sextile saturn

- uranus trine ascendant

- sun conjunct mercury

and despite it being a hard aspect and a hard 10° orbit aspect,

- sun square neptune

even tho it's within 10° i still feel a Looot of influence from that one- i am a little delusional sometimes but my saturn in 1st does a good job of maintaining it and bringing me down to earth, but in my astrologer's handbook (my fav book 💔💔) it says, and i quote, "a well developed mercury and saturn will do much to offset the negative effects of this square" and i have both of those ur honor God bless holy shit id be off my FUCK without those 2 planets-

but then it continues and says "very often peculiar emotional desires and romantic tendencies are indicated, which can range from platonic love to the most morbid and debased physical type of sensuality." which THAT part i feel immensely- Nobody should ever look in my brain please 4 the love of god for ur sake n mine dont do it thwnk u-

But that's also probably bc i got the pluto influence right bc my neptune is in my 8th house- which btw im p sure pluto is exalted in Aquarius but i can get into that in another post probably-

6TH THSINGS SSIXTH

my uranus trine ascendant also loves to make me weird as fuck- i am a very peculiar individual and my mercury in an aries degree of Gemini also makes me yap Constantly bro i am the yapatron 5000- that (and my chiron in aquarius 💔) is why i have like a whole 1 friend that genuinely appreciates my yapping- him and my mom (my mom and i yap together tho HAHAHA)

my chiron in aquarius tho hit fucking Hard when i was a wee lad and still kinda does but im workin on it ur honor- i just never felt accepted and never Was accepted in friend groups and stuff and it was only until i started going with my north node in aries that i started actually being able to socialize and stuff- bc i legitimately thought "fuck it im just gonna be weird as fuck and whoever likes me for it will like me for Me and not some dumb shit-"

basically weeding out the losers fr-

7TH THINGSS SEVENETH-

btw i hope everytime anyone has read the 1ST THINGS 1ST or whatever they read it in the tone of believer by imagine dragons like that one tiktok audio of like "1st thing's 1st!!!! 2nd thing's 3rd!!! First seocnd third thing's third???" ANAYYWAY-

if u read my cancers n rage post too ull know where im comin from w/this but my cancer rising + mars in cancer gives me this unfathomable rage that legitimately makes my blood feel like it's physically boiling, my heart starts pounding and i get SO shaky- that's only when im super pissed But with the mars energy i literally have to get it out via moshing 2 korn DUDE HAHAHHAHAAH OMG THAT REMINDS ME-

speaking of!!!! i was strugglin real bad like a couple weeks ago now right and i put my earbuds in and listened to chi and to this D A Y. i cannot listen to that song without getting that ungodly rage dude it's diabolical But i literally lost my shit so hard that day i think had i been standing and not doubled over on the floor for my own safety, i woulda broken my knee again (another story i have 🥰🥰)

i did howveer almost fuck up my nose by slamming my face into the floor a little But we're good!!!!! i get very physical 💔 i have so many injuries ive given myself bc of that insane amount of energy i have i could make a list dude it's devious-

God bless u jonathan davis 😭😭😭😭💞💞💞

genuinely tho i aint ever heard more honest 2 god screams that spoke to me THAT much like god DAMN

ANYWAY im silly my bad guys-

8TH THSING'S 8TH-

i tHIK that's it- i could probably go into more detail abt specific things but this is like an overview SO 🙏🙏🙏

thank u for readig my yapping sesison UHHHHMMMMMMMMMMM 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

#astrology #astro observations #astrologer #astro community #saturn #zodiac #my chart #yapping

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merakiui · 3 years ago

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cant get the self aware genshin au out my head now

and now this is keeping me up at night but im not complaning

so ill just,,,, leave this shir

(you can add more btw bfhdhdh)

-i legit started playing genshin when a friend of mine showed me an image of kaeyas,, chest window, wonder how he would react

-i usually play genshin now more to destress,, and i cry a lot more frequently recently,, how would some characters (like venti, scara, chongyun, childe,,, or any chara) to player having a mental breakdown while shakily logging in genshin, just to see their fav/comfort characs to make the pain less unbearable

- imagine if player is doing homework but having difficulty doing so and playing genshin, but to see that some characters greets them with lesson guides to tutor (who are knowlegeable in certain areas helping them)

i.e. albedo or sucrose helping with science and alchemy/chemistry

Xingqiu with english/literature and helps doing your essays

or lisa with history,,, any business associated characters like ningguang/yanfei/diluc/ayaka/hu tao etc. teaching you useful finance advice

-how would fatui characters like childe, scara or signora react to player eanting to jointhe fatui bc they think theyre rlly cool (and can relate somehow)

-this is a more recent one but how would chongyun react to player getting flustered and screaming with his drummer attire (original source and context: https://youtu.be/uryVPEEFYY4 )

ok this is getting long so ill pause there but yes,,, aaaaa theres food for thought

(new here btw ghfhgf)

anyways sorry if this is too overwhelming,, hope u enjoy it tho GSGFSG

-🌹anon

Oooh, lots of thoughts!!! :D

I think Kaeya would be very smug knowing he was the one who got you to play Genshin (or more specifically, it was his chest window that enticed you into playing). He’ll always find little ways to bring it up so that you won’t forget. Always reminding you and feels pride knowing that he was the first character you saw and appreciated. You have good taste!

I know all of the self-aware Genshin characters would want to comfort you the moment they realized you weren’t doing well! As soon as you log in your favorite characters are there for you, doing whatever they can to make things a little less hard for you. They’ll make sure your commissions are near the teleport waypoints, they’ll make sure you get the best artifacts, and if you’re pulling on a banner they’ll try to make it so that you get either constellations for them or the featured character. They want to brighten your day and mood, even if it’s just for a little bit. A little goes a long way and they hope that the next time they see you you’ll have a smile on your face. If not then they’re very willing to help you through whatever’s bothering you to the best of their abilities!

Homework help!!! They are so ready to help you with your studies, especially if it’s a subject they excel in. Lisa would giggle about how she’s become your little helper as she helps you study history. Albedo and Sucrose are working together to help you through a lab report and Xingqiu is especially eager to assist you when it comes to literature or anything that has to do with reading or writing. Zhongli is very knowledgeable, but be careful when you get his help. Once he starts talking, he won’t stop unless you tell him to do that so you can catch up. He’ll definitely slow his pace if you ask and won’t be offended. Overall, they just want you to get the best possible marks on your assignments, so they’re very serious about helping you.

I think the Fatui Harbingers would like it if you joined. Of course Childe would warn you and tell you that as neat as it sounds to you it’s still a job that deals with all sorts of dark and terrible things. It’s seen as a villainous organization for a reason. He wouldn’t exactly mind if you joined, but he wouldn’t recommend it. Let him do all of the dirty work for the Fatui. As long as you’re willing to cheer him on in his next fight, that’s all he needs! But Signora would enjoy it. She’d appreciate the company, as would Scaramouche and Dottore (though they won’t admit to it).

SWEET, PRECIOUS CHONGYUN!!! >_< He’s so surprised that the reception was so warm and positive. He’s already getting flustered when he hears about it and listens to all of the compliments you give him. He’s got two popsicles in either hand so that he doesn’t lose control completely. It’s a little embarrassing to be in the spotlight like this, but he’s happy that you like his outfit. And as long as you’re happy then he’s happy! He secretly replays the things you said to him in his head before he sleeps because they make him feel loved and appreciated. :D

#chit chat #hello 🌹 anon!!!#welcome welcome!!#🌹 anon #self aware genshin

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ginjointsintheworld · 3 years ago

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Ok so mama bloom didn't fall off the wagon which is good. I do hope Gina makes another appearance this season and the circumstances are on a more positive side.

I enjoy how lauren and Leyla work together, and can have a working relationship where they disagree. Leyla is honestly such a calming presence in Lauren's life and the way she called her out on how she was treating her own mother was a great scene(please gif it).

Lastly, lauren we know you are turned on by everything Leyla does. Lol!

SHE DIDN'T! i liked that too and hope the writers bring her back sooner than later because there's still so much to unpack there between them (like i get that she was in pain but also she coped by becoming an alcholic and making her 7 year old kid clean up after her passed out body for a decade on top of all kinds of neglect). plus leyla helped out her future mother in law when no doctors for the last 30 years believed her so she's already on her good side.

i was sleuthing on twitter a bit while the episode aired and it's interesting to me how many people were focused on the lack of leyla comforting lauren scene. don't get me wrong, my sappy ass would have loved to cry over that too and while i think that would have been a nice cherry on top, the more interesting and important dynamic that that writers have been emphasizing is leyla's confidence to go toe to toe with lauren professionally. i know technically leyla's her resident but they're honestly equals and that's important to establish because as we can see from the story, being a doctor is a very crucial piece to who they are as individuals. it's a job and responsibility they take very seriously. tbh had this been the reverse situation, i think lauren would be right in leyla's shoes. advocating to make sure she, as a doctor, rules out all medical possibilities before assuming the worst.

but she's not just a doctor here. she's a daughter who carries a lot of very real and very valid pain and trauma that her mom put her through and that understandably clouds her judgement. and /that's/ leyla's point. she understands lauren is hurt and as her girlfriend, i'm sure she wanted to comfort her. after all, mama bloom said some insanely hurtful and untrue things that leyla knows first hand is horrendously wrong. but, and i really really liked the wording here, leyla is on /duty/. she has to separate being leyla shinwari, lauren bloom's girlfriend and dr. leyla shinwari right now because she's in this hospital and entrusted with the expectation and responsibility to provide her patients her best care and efforts. every one of them. so when she goes to reason with lauren, her approach is to appeal to lauren as a doctor. about the care she's providing or well, more like actively stopping leyla from providing. had lauren looked at the tests seriously and provided sound reasons as to why she thought there wasn't a medical issue, i think leyla would have been receptive. but the fact is, she didn't. and leyla's point was further proven because when lauren did actually look at the scans, she was able to diagnosis what the problem was. which btw i love that we once again got to see lauren and leyla tag team diagnosing. we love a talented power couple.

personally, i like that we're getting to see the different dynamics and layers of their relationship. of course we know that they can be just the goofiest dorks in love and sweet and comforting emotional supports for each other but they can also work together professionally. cause wasn't that one of the things we were all wondering? how can they balance 'hard out there and soft in here with me'? they're showing it. they showed it in a humorous way in 4x03 and now they're showing it in a more grounded situation, by being truthful and anchoring when the other needs it. even if it's hard to hear sometimes. even when the lines between personal and professional get a little blurred because you were just put through the emotional meat grinder and some comfort from your girlfriend who's within arms reach would be nice. plus it's not like leyla is adverse to comforting lauren when they're at work when it's appropriate. their opening scene was lauren angry at fuentes cutting her ED budget and leyla comforting her there by switching conversation to focus on them. look, as much as lauren respects leyla as a doctor, leyla holds just as much respect for lauren in return. it's how she knows lauren is better than this and can tell her so bluntly. it's why leyla wants to get lauren's eyes, as a doctor, on her mother's scans..... also she knows lauren is as hard headed as a damn wrecking ball going through a building so she needs a couple of knocks to understand a point sometimes.

tldr; leyla knows, loves, lauren so much she knows when to say what lauren needs to hear, not what she wants and they're stronger for it.

#anon #asks #now i need the gifs to further incoherently scream into the tags

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kristallioness · 5 years ago

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August Recap

Hey, dear followers! Let me start by saying that.. phew, there are a lot of you now! Even more than a thousand. Which means that I need to do a new follow forever since the last one I made back in.. April 2017? Wow, took some time to gather that final quarter missing from a 1,000.

I'm happy to say that this is a legit number, because I recently cleaned up my list of followers by blocking all the obvious porn, bot and/or bot-porn blogs.

However, I'm gonna postpone making this new follow forever until I have a new banner for it. Namely, I still have 4 super-belated Kataang Week submissions to finish (2 drawings, 2 fics) and I intend to use one of these images as the banner.

I feel bad enough for not finishing these on time, or getting anything related to my blog done in time recently, for that matter. Life has been hectic since March, when I began applying for all available internship/job positions that could possibly suit me (and the same cycle started again now).

As some of you may remember, I eventually managed to get a 2-month paid internship for the summer. Well, I finished it in the middle of August and I have nothing but positive words to say about the company, their employees, the working environment.. everything!

I really would've wanted to continue working there full-time, but they didn't have an opening for the position my internship was built on. Nevertheless, I'll keep my eye out for similar available positions in the future and try again when (or if) the time comes.

But I shall always remember the time together with them fondly. The feeling of success (since I finished my work on time), gratitude and happiness outweigh the feeling of sadness about having to leave. I sketched this into my notebook the day I left and showed it to my team, including my mentor (they were all rather fond of it):

A couple of days earlier, as I was waiting for the tram to go to work in the morning, I saw a little girl walk to the stop opposite to mine together with her mother. She was carrying a pretty plush Princess Celestia from "My Little Pony". These bigger-sized ponies had been on sale for a long time in many shops, so I decided that I'm gonna go buy one for myself, too.

So, the day my internship ended, I brought all the gifts and my diploma home, went back outside and headed to the toy stores nearby. I didn't buy any of these ponies since the bigger ones seem to be sold out. But I accidentally stumbled across an even prettier toy:

It was Trinket from "Nella the Princess Knight", only 1 remaining and she was more than HALF OFF! I felt like the luckiest girl in the world! I'd checked out the smaller ones a while ago, but those Trinkets didn't seem as pretty as this big one. And she was coming home with me!

I barely got to cuddle her in bed for one night when I suddenly came down with a sore throat the next day. My mentor had also fallen ill a few days prior to the end of my internship, so it was no mystery where I caught it from.. I'm practically healed now, just gotta get rid of this stuffy nose that keeps bothering me twice a day.

Anyways, after my sore throat had almost gone away and my runny nose began to act up, I still went to celebrate the Restoration of Estonia's Independence on the 20th August together with my dad by going to a family event at our television tower in Tallinn.

The television tower is the place that normal citizens came to protect from the Soviet tanks the day after we'd declared ourselves independent from the Soviet Union in 1991. The Estonians were lucky, because the Russians didn't open fire against us and eventually withdrew their troops. Unfortunately, the Latvians and Lithuanians suffered from human losses that day, trying to protect their own important landmarks.

For the first time, I actually had a strong feeling of pride, joy and festivity. We haven't really celebrated this day in any special way so far (except for maybe buying a small cake or watching the reception at the President's residence at Kadriorg on TV), but going to this event made it feel more special this year.

The police, fire department, ambulance, Defensive Forces (Kaitseliit), Women's Defence League (Naiskodukaitse), our NATO allies and other important organizations demonstrated their equipment and skills.

(Btw you Americans can curse YOUR police as much as you want, but the police here in Estonia, and most likely in the rest of Europe, are NOTHING like it compared to yours. They are respected, do excellent work in protecting our citizens and catching criminals, do not follow racist beliefs, use a gun ONLY as a last resort. Of course, we have very, VERY strict gun laws here, too, so they RARELY need to use their arms anyway.. Frankly, I wish there were more of them on patrol, due to so many drunk drivers getting caught each day in my country. So if you EVER dare say something disgusting about OUR police, I will come at you.)

The President of Estonia, Kersti Kaljulaid, together with the President of Lithuania, Gitanas Nausėda, gave short speeches and had a nice walk around the area as well. It was hilarious since, moments before the two Presidents arrived, a small cloud appeared above us and it began pouring so hard that most people fled to the nearby tents. The benches in front of the stage became empty and one group of people huddled together in front of it (the top edge provided them with some cover from the heavy rain).

Once Kersti Kaljulaid finished with her speech, she gazed upon the small crowd in front of the stage and noticed a couple of kids. I think they must've wanted to say something sweet to her, or she wanted to "rescue" them from the rain.. Either way, she grabbed them by their hands and helped them climb up on the stage, after which those two kids hugged her. I swear, I melted into a puddle right then and there! It was soooo adorable! I love our President SO MUCH (and this isn't the only reason why)! I even managed to take a photo of the moment:

Later in the evening, one of our most famous, handsome sexiest and loved male singers, Uku Suviste, gave a free concert to everyone who'd decided to stay until the end. I even got to take a photo together with him! (@thecaroliner can see it on Facebook.)

Before I temporarily moved back home from my rented apartment, me and my dad went on a ride in the new Skywheel of Tallinn at T1 Mall of Tallinn. It's a brand new ferris wheel, which was opened in April this year, and it's a part of the capital's silhouette now.

I'd been wanting to go ride it since the beginning of June, as soon as I'd moved to the capital. But since my internship absorbed most of my spare time and I was beat during the weekends, I thought it'd be a lovely reward for myself (for finishing my internship) in the end.

I definitely wanna go ride it again at nighttime this coming winter, when the snow has covered the streets and the streetlights and Christmas decorations light up the entire capital. I can imagine what a beautiful sight this will be! And I wanna take photos of it.

I had the biggest surprise after I'd got off the ride. There's a small shop on the floor where you can enter the ferris wheel, and I happened to see a plush toy of Rubble from "Paw Patrol". Yay! Now I have all 4 available pups (I do wish they'd make ones for Rocky, Zuma, Everest aaaand.. *searches the name*.. Tracker, too!):

*wipes forehead* Oh boy, writing all of this down took some time.. But it was fun to go through all these awesome things I did this month. And to write down what I need to do during these upcoming months (which includes making a longer post about the Dance and Song Festival I went to at the beginning of July, cause this was kind of important). I hope you've all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed putting it all together!

#personal #shards of Kristal

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parti-pooper · 6 years ago

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Headcanons for Stendy Family?

Alright, Anon! The time has come! OvO/ I don’t know if these are the kinds of headcanons you had hoped for - but I hope you can enjoy them anyway. uwu

Stan proposes to Wendy on the night of a wedding reception. Drunk. After puking. With no ring. Seeing his friends get married that day made him get mushy, and so he downed a bunch of liquid luck in the hopes of getting up enough courage to ask her to marry him. He thought it’d be romantic. Cue Wendy having to say nope after watching her beautiful, beloved boyfriend eject his guts and slur, “Wen-dyyy I larvuI lff fugignk larvaruu youuu,, marr meh ples marr meybeb…”

Wendy tells Stan what he did the next morning, and he gets embarrassed as he explains his thoughts last night. Wendy asks if he was genuine, and Stan says yeah, he really was. “Ask me again,” she says. “I don’t know,” he laughs nervously, “I’m kind of scared you’ll say no again.” He pulls at his hair anxiously and averts his gaze, but she grabs his hand and makes him look into her eyes. “Ask me again,” she says, and he can’t deny her. “Okay, uhm… Wendy, I love you. Will you marry me?” He winces, pained, while he waits for her response. She smiles easily. “Yes.”

And that’s how Stan proposed to Wendy, drunk, and then proposed to her again, hungover. Still a better love story than Twilight.

They have a winter wedding. It snows on the day, and so Wendy and Stan both have white flakes in their black hair in all their wedding photographs outside the church. His horrible friends make dandruff jokes, but Stan and Wendy are so happy, they can’t even care. They’re shivering and smiling the whole day long.

Wendy keeps her last name, which Stan is disappointed about after all of those years writing Wendy Marsh in the margins of his notebooks, but he respects her decision.

They honeymoon in Hawaii. They’re a basic bitch couple, at the end of the day. (Butters sets them up, btw. Mahalo Rewards Card, biiitch!)

They were living together even before marriage, so they just continue to live like that for the first year of marriage. It isn’t long before Wendy gets pregnant though (Marsh men move fast, f.y.i., they end up being the first couple in their group of friends to have kids) and they quickly realise that their one-bedroom apartment probably isn’t the best place to raise a kid.

They end up moving to a cramped little house in a different area of their city. Stan wanted to move somewhere with a big backyard and a nearby park and quiet, safe roads for his kid to play in, like back where he grew up. But they had to stay in the city while Wendy finished her PhD.

It’s hard to make ends meet while Wendy’s working on her thesis and a part-time job while pregnant (with all of the discomfort that implies), and Stan’s trying to make enough money for the both of them doing whatever job he can. It’s a very poor time for them. There’s a lot of stress and a lot of arguments break out between them. They go to bed angry sometimes.

…But they always make up eventuality. It’s the hardest nights that make them cling the closest.

Stan and Wendy end up getting two babies for the price of one. They find out they’re having twins, and their stress just doubles.

They work themselves to exhaustion trying to save up enough money for their stork delivery, taking extra shifts at their work. They sleep whenever they’re not working. They forget to eat. Some days, they don’t even see each other. When they do, they can’t even muster the energy to just talk.

Sometimes they forget what it’s all for.

They remember again when Wendy finally gives birth, and they have their beautiful twin daughters. Stan holds one in each arm, and cries the whole time. Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny arrive pretty much instantaneously, being that over-dependent surrogate family they’ve always been to him, and all just hug the ever-loving shit out of Stan and coo over their new nieces.

Wendy gets a visit from all her girlfriends, too. Bebe, Nichole, Red, Heidi, Annie, and more, all come bearing gifts like the Wise Men at Jesus’ birth.

Having twins is no fucking party. Have you ever tried to soothe two babies crying at once? Stan and Wendy can’t take turns; they both have to get up in the night when the babies cry. The sleep deprivation is real, you guys.

Wendy has to take time off from her part-time job due to maternity leave, and she has to finish her thesis from home, so she stays and looks after the twins in the day. Stan goes to work all day, and then he takes over at night when he gets home.

Sometimes Gran’pa Randy and Gran’ma Sharon will take the kids off their hands for a weekend just so that Stan and Wendy can catch up on some fucking sleep. Stan has never loved them more than when they do that.

The twins grow up to be absolute terrors. Neither Stan nor Wendy know where they got their mischievous side from, but boy did they get it. Like, why are they so determined to stick pointy things in power outlets? Why do they constantly want to put small objects in their mouths? Why don’t they want to wear diapers? Why do they like to scream at the top of their lungs when their mom is working? Why do they think the wall is the best place to draw on with crayons? (Uncle Cartman is so proud, btw.)

Stan and Wendy swear up and down that they are never having another one. Never, ever. Nope. Not a single one. Two is more than enough. No.

Two years later, Wendy is pregnant again.

She’s finally finished her PhD though, so they think it’s finally time to move to that huge house with the big backyard in a nice neighbourhood like they always talked about.

“No, Stan, we’re not getting a dog too. We barely just got the girls potty-trained, and we still have to take them out on leashes. That’s all the dog we need right now.”

She gives birth to their son, Thomas, not long after. And thank goodness, he inherited his father’s quietness and is not as unnecessarily loud as his sisters. He also inherited his father’s sensitivity, however, and he cries at near-anything. A very fussy baby. He lives in his daddy’s arms, and he is literally, actually scared of his own shadow. His big sisters bully him a lot.

But they won’t allow anyone else to bully him. Like their mom, they stand up against any tyranny (that isn’t their own). Also like their mom, they are ferociously intelligent, and their parents fear them for it.

All three children have the same black hair and blue eyes as their mom and dad and grow up to be the absolute spit of their parents.

When Stan and Wendy look at their children, they quite literally forget all those years of hardship they went through; because what is that suffering, now, compared to this bliss?

Stan is such a sappy dad, in fact, that he writes songs about his children, for his children, and sings to them on his guitar.

Then the girls try to steal his guitar and almost break it with their careless strumming because they can’t appreciate nice things when they’re, what, six? Seriously, Stan, what did you think would happen?

But they quiet down and listen when Stan sings them a lullaby at bedtime.

Also, Stan is a pretty big push-over. His kids just need to bat their baby blues at them and he’s wrapped ‘round their tiny fingers. An ice-cream? You got it, honey. A pony? Anything for you, sweetie. What’s that, now? The assassination of the US president? Just hold on, cupcake, I’m on my way to D.C. right now.

I swear, Wendy “Don’t Fucking Test Me” Burger is the only force keeping that family from falling to the whims of their terrible twins and the wants of their infant son.

She makes sure they brush their teeth and eat their greens and look both ways before crossing the street. She has full folders of their medical and dental history organised in chronological order. She already has a college fund set up for all three kids that she keeps money flowing into monthly. She helps them with their homework (mostly Thomas, the girls do fine on their own). She’s a fucking scary force of nature, man.

…But maybe she lets Stan get that dog one day.

Uncle Kyle, Uncle Cartman, and Uncle Kenny visit often, and bring their own kids when they have them too. They reminisce while watching their children run around, playing and fighting, like they all used to do as kids. And they spoil Stan and Wendy’s children absolutely fucking rotten, and that doesn’t fucking help, guys, stop bringing the girls candy when we’re trying to teach them that locking their baby brother in the pantry is bad!!

Anyway, they’re a beautiful fucking family. I’m happy for them.

#south park #sp stendy #stendy #stan marsh #wendy testaburger #thanks anon! <3 #these probably weren't worth the wait;#but i hope they're worth something to you

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darkfire1220 · 6 years ago

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Godzilla: King of the Monsters SPOILER Review!

WARNING! SPOILERS BELOW! IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS YET, GO AWAY! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

I made a post just yesterday defending Godzilla: King of the Monsters from the harsh criticism the film has received since it’s release over the weekend. I stand by what I said: I think the critical reviews have really hurt the film’s reception in an extremely negative and undeserved way. Now, that’s not to say the film is a perfect one! It has its positives and negatives, and I’m going to go in-depth into them in this review. I’m also going to be making theater experience comparisons to other movies I’ve seen in the past to help you understand where this film falls under my spectrum. This is absolutely my sole opinion, but I just want to clear some of the air and really give everyone my thoughts on this film.

I’ve gotten to see the film twice now, the first on opening night, and the second about five hours ago. The first time I went in as a huge Kaiju nerd, excited and anticipating the film which I hoped would be the blockbuster of the summer. I’d even go so far as to say that I was more hyped for this than Avengers: Endgame. I watched Ghidorah: The Three-Headed Monster, Kong: Skull Island, and Godzilla 2014 prior to going to see this movie. I was prepared to witness glory incarnate.

And I did. Can confirm, my mind was blown. I walked out of that first showing with a stupidly huge grin, possibilities whirling in my mind, and a fierce excitement to see it again. We got a bunch of easter eggs in addition to seeing some of my favorite Kaiju on the American big screen for the first time. I got everything I wanted and I felt very positive about it all.

Godzilla and Ghidorah OWN this movie. Not only did I get way more Godzilla than in 2014, but I got to see Ghidorah shine. That dragon is such a savage, showing every bit of maliciousness he’s known for and even when Godzilla gets juiced up towards the end of the film, he takes every hit thrown at him and pays it back. This Ghidorah takes no bullshit from anybody. He deals it out, and he deals it out with extreme prejudice. Everything from his design, sound effects, the unique behavior and interaction between his three heads (I LOVED that, btw) is so goddamn good and I can’t express enough how much you should go see the movie if only to see the kaiju do their things.

Now Rodan, my boy Rodan! You were once one of the goofiest looking Kaiju I’d ever set eyes on, but my god you got a makeover in this movie. Legendary’s Rodan is a monster in the skies, and you can see that without any trouble. When the planes start to fire missiles at him, he shrugs it off and seems to be more annoyed than anything. Actually, he kind of just plays cat-and-mouse with the jets when he’s pursuing the Argo (The big jet, kind of like a stealth bomber. My dad would disown me for just calling it that because he works in aerospace XD) and only when they completely surround him does he eventually get fed up with the jets and executes a mean barrel roll to essentially bitch-slap all of them (yes, all of them- he kills the entire squad) out of the sky. That was an awesome shot.

Last but certainly not least, Mothra. This incarnation of Mothra is by far the most aggressive, but still retains a lot of the classic kaiju features. She’s beautiful to see and when they started playing her music theme I got so excited. This Mothra also has a few tricks up her sleeve! I was very, very surprised when she whipped out a stinger of all things! But she showed a lot of loyalty to Godzilla in protecting him from Ghidorah and eventually transferring her power to him after Ghidorah kills her (of course she dies, it’s Mothra :( BUT there’s another egg in the end-credits, so maybe we’ll get more Mothra in Godzilla vs Kong!). Another detail I didn’t actually notice the first time watching this was when Godzilla went Thermonuclear and blasted Ghidorah with atomic pulses, the pulses sounded like Mothra’s cries and gave off patterns similar to Mothra’s wings. I thought that was very cool!

Also, one thing I wasn’t expecting to enjoy were all the kaiju Legendary made up for the movie. As much as I would have loved to see more Toho kaiju, (I wanted Anguirus so bad lol) the designs for these kaiju, brief as they were, were awesome to see. We got a number of new minor kaiju with their own unique designs, ranging from the mammoth-ground sloth hybrid Behemoth, the mountain-backed Methuselah, and even a massive MUTO similar to the ones from the 2014 film, but with her own unique features. I’ve heard some people call this one MUTO Prime, but I think that might be a reference to a Godzilla comic that was released not too long ago. I think it was called Godzilla: Aftershock. Don’t take my word on that, I haven’t gotten to check it out yet. I could be totally wrong.

But anyways, I loved all of my kaiju, even the new ones! I’d love to see more of them, even if it’s just little bits and pieces!

Onto the human characters. Yes, your favorite part of this review. Yes, I am being absolutely sarcastic, but to be fair, I personally think the actors did a great job. Of course it’s a Godzilla movie and the plot line is a little wacky, but everyone from Millie Bobby Brown to Kyle Chandler (and especially Ken Watanabe) played their characters very well. The acting was spot-on. I couldn’t really bring myself to truly hate any of the characters. There were some questionable choices, yes, but the actors themselves played their characters very well, I think.

Now of course, I’ve had time to sober up a bit and the second showing let me think a bit more about the movie and its problems. I’ve boiled it down to three main issues: First, the humans take up too much time. Two, I wanted more kaiju (specifically Mothra). And three, the fights kept getting cut in the middle of the action.

King of the Monsters struggles with the same issue that Godzilla 2014 had in that it actually doesn’t have enough monsters. I’m not talking about monster battles- it has that in spades, (though I found myself wanting even more of that, as well) but I found it lacking when it came to some of the kaiju themselves. The first half of the movie rolls out exactly like I wanted. It starts with a bang and just immediately starts to move. It’s fast, catastrophic, and visually stunning.

That visual awe, by the way, is something that is maintained throughout the entirety of the film. If you want to see some of the most amazing shots you’ve ever seen in a movie, then this is the one.

The problem with King of the Monsters starts mostly in the second half of the film, just after King Ghidorah rises from the ocean victorious in his latest battle against Godzilla. At this point, the film slows down and focuses far, far too much on the people. We know that the Titans are rampaging around the world, but we don’t see much of them. Even Ghidorah and Rodan (the latter of whom submits to Ghidorah’s authority after getting his ass beat) aren’t given much screen time to show what they get up to, which apparently flying over to Washington D.C and turning it into Ghidorah’s personal crib.

I would have LOVED to see Ghidorah and Rodan fly up to the capital and basically lay waste to the place, if only to add to their danger factors. They both present an immense threat, but it feels a bit subverted given how little screen time they have together while Rodan is under Ghidorah’s authority.

But we slowed down and focused on the people, who were sent on a mission to heal Godzilla after the Oxygen Destroyer missile almost killed him. Granted, that is important, but it felt too stretched out for me to really enjoy it. I would have liked to see Mothra partaking more in helping Godzilla, especially since she gets so little screen time in the movie.

That’s one of my biggest nitpicks as I stated before- I didn’t get nearly enough Mothra. We actually got more Rodan than we did Mothra. Don’t get me wrong, Rodan is one of my favorite Kaiju and this movie scales his baddassery level up so much, but I NEEDED more Mothra to really make the movie work better. Her design is gorgeous and her brief participation in the final battle is fine, but I wanted MORE of her. More of Mothra interacting with the people, with Godzilla, and with Madison (Millie Bobbie Brown).

Just more of Mothra. For a kaiju that plays such a key role in rebelling against Ghidorah’s Alpha status and protecting Godzilla, she doesn’t get remotely enough screen time.

But let’s get back on track. The movie slowed down after the battle in Mexico concluded and Ghidorah became the Alpha kaiju. And in this, I felt in my second viewing, is really where the crux of the problem lies. Some of the human actions were very necessary and provided the meat of the plot, but a lot of the fat could have been cut out and replaced with kaiju instead.

The scene with Serizawa (Ken Watanabe) and Godzilla was masterfully done, though. For those of you who aren’t diehard kaiju fans, Serizawa was the scientist way back in the original 50′s Godzilla films that killed Godzilla with the oxygen destroyer. In this movie, Ken Watanabe’s character, who is also named Serizawa, sacrifices himself to save Godzilla by detonating a nuclear bomb beside the Titan, which helps him recover his radioactive life force.

“Goodbye, old friend.”

There’s something tragically sad about that quote and it was the most powerful moment in the film for me. Not just because it pays homage to the original Serizawa character, but because that really takes you back to the original Godzilla roots, when the kaiju was used as a metaphor for nuclear devastation. Serizawa is of Japanese origin and his father was killed by the bomb in Hiroshima (in the storyline). He sacrifices himself to save Godzilla and is killed by the nuclear bomb they use to jump-start the Titan. That echoes hard and reminded me where Godzilla came from in the first place.

Godzilla gets juiced by the nuclear bomb and goes on the hunt to track down and slaughter Ghidorah once and for all. Cue one of the most epic monster fights you’ll ever see on the big screen...or it would have been, if they didn’t cut away every few seconds to focus on the people. It’s this repetitive sequence in the film that hurts its score the most for me. I don’t care about the people scrambling on the ground, or at least I don’t care enough to want to focus on them when Godzilla, Ghidorah, Rodan, and Mothra are scrapping in the background.

Like hello??? Can I look at THAT please??? More, please!!!

What action sequences we do get are great, but god they would have been so much more satisfying and powerful if we just got to see the kaiju duking it out while the humans scrambled in the background, and not the other way around.

Walking out of the theater this time, I felt like I stated before- I didn’t get enough kaiju, or at least the kaiju I did get kept getting cut off by human nonsense. I still enjoyed it, absolutely, because for me, the pros of the film outweigh the cons. I got to see my favorite kaiju duke it out amidst tolerable human actors with CGI that Toho couldn’t have even dreamed of seeing back in the day. I got my Godzilla movie, and while it wasn’t perfect, I liked what I liked more than I hated what I didn’t.

To put this in comparison, I think this film falls into a healthy theater experience, but not an outstanding one. For example, I am a Jurassic Park nut, and when Jurassic World came out, I saw that movie more times than I can even count. Every opportunity I could have to go see it, I saw it. I think I saw that movie in the theater something like eight times? Not even a joke, I saw it that much. I loved it so much. That was probably my favorite theater experience ever. King of the Monsters makes me want to go see it again and again, (even now, after seeing it twice!) but maybe I’ll refrain from seeing it quite that much lol.

But it doesn’t deserve to be thrashed with criticism the way it is. Another example, my most negative theater experience, is when I went to go see The Last Jedi. Oh my god. Now THAT movie made me wish the new trilogy had never happened, and I love Star Wars. Even in my first viewing of The Last Jedi, I walked out of that theater with two of my friends (both of them hardcore Star Wars fans) and we all said out loud, “What the fuck was that garbage?”

Oh my god we hated that film, but we went to go see it twice regardless because that’s what we do to really determine how much we like or hate a film. The first time is for initial reactions as fans, the second time we go see a film to be more perceptive about it. And The Last Jedi sucked even more the second time, which is why I will never touch that movie ever again. I could go in-depth about it, but that’s not what this review is about. This was simply an example to compare King of the Monsters to.

If I had had the kind of reaction to the film that I did with The Last Jedi, I would absolutely understand the box office numbers it is currently being pounded with, but I didn’t have that reaction. I loved the movie both times I went to go see it and for the life of my I can’t fathom why it’s receiving so much heat. This film is pieced together BETTER than that horrifying Star Wars movie, for god’s sake, but it’s doing so much worse. Let that sink in for a second. A Godzilla movie’s plot is pieced better than a Star Wars movie. Will wonders never cease?

All in all, I think King of the Monsters is a sold 7.5/10. It’s not perfect and it has its problems, but I think it’s a solid entry into the kaiju franchise, and at this point I’m just praying that the negativity it’s receiving doesn’t hurt the Legendary Monsterverse later on down the line. I want to see more Godzilla movies after Kong vs Godzilla, thank you very much!

Whew, that was a lot to write. Anyways, my final advice to anyone thinking about going to see it is to just go take a crack at it in the theaters. I can understand why people didn’t like some parts of the film, but I found the positives outweighed the negatives. Long live the King!

#godzilla #godzilla: king of the monsters #legendary godzilla #mothra #rodan #king ghidorah #ghidorah #monsterverse #king of the monsters #kaiju #kaiju movie #review #movie review #spoilers #spoiler review

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craigbrownphd-blog-blog · 7 years ago

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We prouldy present, first time at SAP TechEd Bangalore 2017 – THE SAP JAM BAND

The SAP Jam Band at SAP TechEd is now a kind of “must-have” or “institution”. This colourful mix of musicians (or let’s say people who love music) from the community has been rocking the crowd in Las Vegas since 2011. 2 years later (2013) the Jam Band was conquering the EMEA TechEd in Amsterdam. That was when I joined – or well, I got pulled on stage by the band. Last year (remember there was Björn Goerke’s “Back to the future theme”) the Band even made it into the Keynote Hall. Hard to top, you think? Well, you should read on… Just to clarify – the Jam Band is not rehearsing a lot – nope, these people organize, select the songs, discuss the flow all online. No rehearsals! My husband (who is btw, a great musician) always makes this joke “Musicians that need to practice are not good enough”. Well, so the SAP Jam Band seems to be very good, as they come together the day before the gig for just a couple of hours for rehearsal. It’s a lot of fun, as you never know how it ends up. Songs and flow are often changing right on stage. Nothing for people with low stress levels Thanks to the “SAP TechEd God”, we always had a great audience singing along, dancing and clapping! What a crazy idea! So there was this day in Summer when Bjoern Goerke came to me “Why don’t we have a Jam Band in Bangalore?”. Hmmm… not sure… good question… I heard there were several attempts… that did not work out. As it is my nature (as a project manager) to find solutions, I was scratching my head, thinking, thinking… I thought it could work if we would have a “core band” that is leading. Then other people could join adhoc, and if not, we would have at least a band that is able to play. But where to find this Core-Band that is strong enough to lead? Finally my great fellow in Bangalore Shilpa Krishnaswamy helped my thinking… and in the end she was able to put together a new band formed of SAP Employees from Bangalore. Don’t ask how she did it! Seems she is an even better networker than I am! A week later or so – TATATAAA… she presented me these wonderful people: Hemanya Tyagi, Amar Chandwani, Arjun Krishnakumar, Renuka Devi MP, Soumil Sarkar, Rishav Das. Shilpa took “her job” very serious, she took care of getting them a rehearsal room, instruments, and is updating me daily via WhatsApp on the progress of the rehearsals and Rishav and Amar have supported a lot to get the equipment for rehearsal. They turned out to be incredibly talented musicians! Funnily enough that this band has had so much fun that they want to stay together, even after SAP TechEd. So Björn, we reached our goal! We made it: This year we will have for the first time an SAP Jam Band at SAP TechEd Bangalore. So you want to know when the SAP Jam Band is going to play in Bangalore? Jam Band – Appearing at the Networking Reception on the Wednesday night right after the celebrity keynote (Keynote Area, Hall 4). We need ALL of you to come and celebrate, dance and sing along with us. Do you want to become a part of the Jam band? It would not be a Jam band without Jammers joining! Please raise your hand for a song or two! It is a community band we really love to share the microphones around between songs for a great jam. You can also sign up as Backup Singers! It’s not unusual for 2 to 3 people to take a microphone and sing along with the lead singer. If you want to join as Lead Singer, Rhythm and Bass Guitarists, Keyboards please let us know by the week before SAP TechEd. We do like people to join us on the night even without volunteering, but if you’d like to get in a rehearsal and not miss out, then please volunteer early. Finally, to volunteer, please contact me with: * Your contact details * What band position(s) you are volunteering for * What song’s you’d like to join (top 3) Setlist (Subject to change… plus there will be some more Indian/Hindi songs added) * Smoke on the water – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUwEIt9ez7M * Skyfall – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeumyOzKqgI * Snow – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuFI5KSPAt4 * Can’t stop – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfOdWSiyWoc * What I have done – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sgycukafqQ * Hallelujah – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRP8d7hhpoQ * Turn the page – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPOTEs_yTJo * Demons – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWRsgZuwf_8 * We are the world – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW_1YAYQK9g Looking forward to hear from you and see you in Bangalore! http://bit.ly/2hVN5yQ #SAP #SAPCloud #AI

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diveplanit · 5 years ago

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The Great Barrier Reef: the Great Eight and how they mate

As you’re probably aware, the ‘Great Eight’ are our Great Barrier Reef’s living icons – the creatures at the top of everyone’s ‘must see’ list when they visit the Reef.

But they are also a reflection of the diversity of life on the Reef. They range from mammals to fish, reptiles to molluscs and they all procreate in very different ways. The Humpback whale for example, travels to our Reef specifically to mate and a year later, give birth. Likewise, turtles return in adult life to lay their eggs in the same sand dunes from which they first hatched decades earlier. So let’s have a fascinating look into how the Great Eight procreate.

(Before anyone gets too excited: there are no images of anything copulating in this blog – this is a GA rated website).

Whales

The most commonly sighted whales along our Great Barrier Reef are humpback whales and dwarf minke whales, with the annual cycle of the humpback whale being relatively well documented: during Australia’s winter, from June to September, up to 10,000 whales migrate north from Antarctica’s colder waters to the warm shallows of the Reef to breed and, the following season, give birth.

Now whales are mammals, and despite the fact that they live their entire lives in water, they breathe air, and have pretty much the same tackle as we do when it comes down to it. The mating process is also very similar to that of humans: it usually starts with a song, (humpbacks have the longest and loudest songs), then there’s a bit of argy-bargy between the males (the ‘bulls’), and finally one male establishes ‘dominance’. The actual act per se is performed much as it is with humans, though obviously under water, with the male on top.

The gestation period is about 11½ months, during which time the ‘cow’ humpback swims all the way back to the Antarctic to fuel up on krill before returning again the following season to give birth on our Great Barrier Reef.

A new-born humpback whale calf weighs about 1 tonne and drinks 500 litres of its mother’s milk every day, (which is so fat-rich, it’s the consistency of toothpaste) adding 4kg of weigh every hour. The calf needs to grow a thick layer of blubber as quickly as possible before it starts the long journey back to Antarctica.

The mother humpback continues to nurture the infant for a few years. This mode of reproduction produces few offspring, but increases the survival probability of each one.

You can swim with humpback whales in Hervey Bay and they are sometimes spotted while diving off Lady Elliot Island. Each year both Mike Ball Dive Expeditions and Spirit of Freedom run special Minke Whale Expeditions in June and July.

Giant Clams

Moving right to the other end of the ecological spectrum, the giant clam is the world’s largest species of mollusc. This animal – for yes it is an animal – comprises two hard shells which protect soft tissue inside which simply filters nutrients from seawater. It also gets some further nutrients from the bacteria living inside its tissue. Living to more than 100 years old, an adult giant clam can weigh around 200kg and stand almost a metre high. (Note the Seastar for scale).

So apart from the fact it looks like some kind of over-sized sexual organ, first question – are there boy clams and girl clams? Well, yes there are – but all clams start out as males. Like just about every living thing, the secret to survival is to grow quickly. Small clams, like small fish, put all their energy into growing. Only when they get to a certain size do they start to think (btw – a mollusc does not have a brain), about reproduction. But sperm requires much less effort to create than eggs. So small clams contribute the sperm.

Only when they grow past a certain size, and therefore age, do they ‘mature’ into females capable of producing eggs.

In terms of the actual reproduction, with giant clams there’s definitely no argy-bargy, but something in the water that triggers ‘group sex’. On some kind of signal, all the clams in the area release their eggs or sperm – or whatever they’ve got handy – into the water to maximise the chances of fertilisation. The largest giant clams, Tridacna gigas, can release more than 500 million eggs in one go.

After fertilisation, the cells rapidly divide and grow to a small ball of cells the size of a mulberry, then to free swimming larvae that feed on plankton. After a few weeks they settle in one place and start the serious business of growing up.

Hence, giant clams are found along the whole length of the Reef, and as the algae that provides extra nutrition to the clams requires sunlight, most can be seen on shallow reefs. Keep a look out for their bright blue-brown mantle when snorkelling, but beware, they close their shells very quickly if they feel something nearby – so approach carefully if you want to see them in their full glory.

Manta Rays

Manta rays are among the largest fish in the ocean, growing to 7m from wing tip to wing tip and have the largest brain to body size ratio of any living fish. They are intelligent and curious, very aware of what’s around them and have been known to seek help from divers if they have become entangled in disused fishing gear.

This is all the more surprising as they are completely self-taught: at birth they are simply popped out – miniature replicas of their mother – and left completely to their own devices.

Further, manta sex takes place not long after birth! Confused? – Let’s go back to the beginning.

Mantas spend a bit of time at cleaning stations. Female mantas spend much more time than males, and males, it seems, go mainly to stake out females. Certainly when a receptive female – often a heavily pregnant female – is encountered, males start to follow her around like a bad smell, hoping to be next in line once she becomes ‘available’. This can be shortly after she have given birth. (In the best observed scenario of a captive manta, she became pregnant within hours of giving birth).

In the wild, the males line up behind the female who leads them all on a merry dance, twisting and turning through the ocean trying to throw them off: a sight referred to as a manta love train. Eventually when she has whittled her suitors down to just one, he is permitted to mate. In another rather tortuous ordeal, he has to grab her left wing tip in his mouth, managing to hold one via a row of tiny teeth, which appear to have this sole purpose (mantas being filter feeders). The mantas finally arrange themselves belly to belly for copulation which takes a few minutes.

Manta rays reproduce via aplacental viviparity, meaning they give birth to live young which are hatched from an egg inside the female’s uterus. The pup, which is wrapped in a thin membranous egg case, hatches inside the mother’s oviduct and then feeds on the mother’s uterine milk until they are fully developed and ready to be born. At which stage – the cycle starts again.

On the Reef, the best place to see a manta ray is on a reef or cay close to the edge of the continental shelf, such as Lady Elliot Island.

Clownfish

Clownfish – or more correctly anemonefish – share a unique symbiotic relationship with sea anemones. They are immune to the sting in the anemone’s tentacles, which provides them with a safe haven from predators. In return for this safe haven, the clownfish help the anemone by attracting other fish and shrimp, which get stung and eaten by the anemone.

So how would you describe the sex life of a clownfish? Let’s just say it’s complicated…

The female clownfish is always at the top of a clownfish colony hierarchy. When she dies, the most dominant male changes sex to replace her. This means of course, that Nemo’s dad, Marlin, should really have been his mum.

Once the eggs, which are laid very close to, or even under the sea anemone, have been fertilised by the male, it is the male that is responsible for looking after them. Indeed, he spends up to 2 weeks fanning the eggs to help they develop.

Turtles

Six of the world’s seven species of sea turtles are found in the waters around our Great Barrier Reef with the green turtle being the most common. It’s really quite strange that we find turtles so endearing, as they are actually just cold blooded reptiles: they breathe air, but live in water, and so have to come onto dry land to lay their eggs.

So when, where and mainly how do these armour plated reptiles get it on? Hands up anyone who has any idea?

By some still little understood method, pregnant female turtles return to the beach where they first hatched to lay their own eggs. Obviously, male turtles have worked this out, and hang out around the beaches regularly use around mating season. But how do they all know when it’s mating season? Temperature!

The temperature has to be just right. Warmer eggs produce female hatchlings, and cooler eggs produce male hatchlings and to get a nice mixed brood of kids – the temperature has to be just right.

So the males hang out waiting for the females and when they turn up they simply mount on top of them and hold onto the front of the female’s carapace. It’s a sort of rear entry job – we’ll leave it at that, but in order to prevent other turtles having a go, a male could hang on in there for up to 24 hours! This is both selfish and unnecessary, as the female turtle needs to mate with many males to fertilise the several clutches of eggs she will lay in the one season.

So that’s what happens next, the female hauls herself up the beach, digs a hole and lays up to a 100 eggs in a clutch before covering it over and dragging herself back down into the water, only to return a couple of weeks later to repeat the process over again.

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On our Reef, Turtles lay their eggs from October onwards, and from December onwards, you can see the turtle hatchlings scampering down the beach to the ocean. Only one in a thousand make it, but those that do can live up to a hundred years old.

Sharks

Our Great Barrier Reef is home to a great variety of sharks, ranging from small, bottom-dwelling sharks, like wobbegongs, to larger types, like tiger, hammerhead and even the biggest shark of all – the whale shark. Around the reefs themselves, the most commonly seen sharks, are not surprisingly, the reef sharks – the black tipped, white tipped and grey reef sharks.

Most fish lay eggs, which are then fertilised, but though sharks are fish, reef sharks give birth to fully formed, live swimming young.

So what’s shark-sex like? It’s a pretty rough affair – especially for the females. In common with mantas, the male has claspers, one of which needs to be inserted into the female for a few minutes. But to do that, the male needs to get a purchase – so how do you think he does that? By a generous amorous bite around the gill area. Ouch!

Another downside of shark sex is the fact that, unable to swim whilst interlocked, the two sharks fall through the water column often coming to rest on the seabed, and as they are not swimming, their gills are not able to draw any oxygen from the water. So they are effectively holding their breath through the entire intercourse!

Interestingly, some sharks have the ability to store the sperm and use it up to a year or so later, if conditions for pregnancy are not optimal immediately after mating. Gestation periods vary by shark and can be anything between 6 and 13 months. They finally give birth to multiple pups – up to hundred – at a time. But, if it gets a bit crowed in there meantime, pups have been known to devour their siblings.

Potato Cod

The Potato Cod is a native Australian fish, and belongs to the Groper family. Gropers are among the largest of all bony fish and can be quite serious predators. The Potato Cod’s cousin, the Queensland Groper, or giant grouper, is the largest bony fish found on our Reef, and known to grow to more than 2m long and weigh up to 400kg.

There are about 500 species of Groper – and they’re all a bunch of gender benders. It is both true, and also, a deliberate survival strategy.

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All groupers are born girls. At some point in their lives, they become boys. The transition is usually related to age and size and works to ensure there are enough members of each sex to come to the party when it’s time to get on down.

The reproductive process is another case of ‘group sex’. During an aggregation and spawning event, usually triggered by something like a full moon, the females release their eggs in open water, and the mates release sperm. Camera pans to full moon, and nature takes care of the rest. And actually, if you’re a 400kg bony fish – this is probably the safest way to have sex!

Maori Wrasse

The Maori Wrasse – also known as the Humphead Wrasse or even the Napoleon is the largest living member of the wrasse family. Easily identified by its large size, thick lips, and the hump that appears on the forehead of larger adults.

If you were hoping we’d left the juiciest fish-sex until last, I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed. Does this friendly guy look like he has a kinky sex life – I think not! The Humphead wrasses, like the Groupers, are protogynous hermaphrodites, (which means they have both sets of ‘tackle’ – though usually one set is predominant at any particular time), with some female members of a population becoming male at about 9 years old.

With Maori Wrasse preferring to live singly, and aggregations events being infrequent, often large males will approach and hang out with divers and snorkelers simply because they’ve become a bit bored of their own company.

When they do aggregate for the purposes of procreation, it’s the usual ‘spray and pray’ method employed by most fish.

If there’s one thing I hope you’ve learned from this blog – it is that small marine creatures expend most of their energy becoming big marine creatures. Big marine creatures can then put all their energy into reproduction – in an exponential way. Little fish can lay 100s of eggs, but big fish can lay 100,000s.

Once we’ve consumed all the big fish, it will take a very long time for fish stocks to recover, and if we continue to catch smaller and small fish of the one species – they may never recover. Treat eating fish like a luxury, and eat sustainably caught and certified wherever you can.

The post The Great Barrier Reef: the Great Eight and how they mate appeared first on Diveplanit.

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craigbrownphd-blog-blog · 7 years ago

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We prouldy present, first time at SAP TechEd Bangalore 2017 – THE SAP JAM BAND

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craigbrownphd-blog-blog · 7 years ago

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We prouldy present, first time at SAP TechEd Bangalore 2017 – THE SAP JAM BAND

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