#(it was a last minute idea but hey i did it. happy birthday tom. -admin)

[incorrectheartbreakers]

20 things I learned before I turned 69.

By IHB Tom Petty

Tom: According to my birth certificate I'm turning 69 today, which is odd because part of me still feels like 30 while the other part of me feels 149 but my current age (until the clock strikes 12) is actually 68 and it's 2019, people have said that sharing is caring so here's 20 lessons that I've learned.

One: I learned to read contracts carefully.

It was one of life's hardest lessons about being a musician that I have come to learn is reading a contract carefully and understand what everything means. Understand what publishing is, know how much you should be paid to make your record and when in doubt, file for bankruptcy, write a song about it, go on tour to pay for legal fees, don't give into the big business guys, if you're recording a record during this whole ordeal and the court they start to imply that they have the right to come and seize anything you're working on, get someone to switch the names on the master tapes and have them hide it where no one can find them after you get done recording. So if you're asked in court where the tapes are..you don't know. And be sure to have drills to see how fast you can get them out of the studio.

Two: Being a snakecharmer to dogs comes in handy. From carrying treats on you to learn how to read the body language of a dog. Being a dog charmer is quite the catch.

Three: Playing pranks on your kids is the best form of entertainment. When one of your daughter's ex boyfriend's accidentally leaves a pair of his underwear at your house, It's a free for all. Put them on her car, put them in a box, wrap it up and leave it under the Christmas tree for them to open on Christmas morning. It'll be talked about for years and years to come. Trust me.

Four: Payback from your kids is the worst. Sometimes the result of pranking your kids is the worst you could experience. Okay that's a little far fetched but it definitely isn't pleasant. I couldn't tell you how many times AnnaKim bugged me about buttless chaps...all chaps are buttless AnnaKim.

Five: Know the difference between fin and not fun. Being on a tour bus and mooning people while they drive by with your drummer as the rest of the band looks on in shock? Fun. Getting chased by your bassist's cat while your trying to eat because they want your dinner and everyone else is laughing? Not fun. Buying a bunch of hash in a country where it's legal? Fun. Getting pulled out of line while you're trying to get to your flight on time because they found some residue on the pipe your drummer has in his suitcase and then missing rehearsals for a TV  show you're supposed to be on? Not fun. Seeing your bassist eating a whole chunk of hash while customs is questioning said drummer? To be honest I'm not even sure where to put that one. For me? Not fun. For him? Fun. Lighting fireworks on the fourth? Fun. Putting a bunch of bottle rockets next to each other in a straight line and then lighting them all off? Not fun. We almost burned down our old house.

Six: If you're moving, get a U-haul. We would have had way less trips to make between our current house and our old house if we just rented a U-haul.

Seven: Recently, I discovered command tape and Blu-tack, and I would definitely have less holes in my walls if Howie mentioned it sooner. Thank you Howie, thank you command tape. And no this isn't paid advertisement, they're just great products.

Eight: There are times where tough love doesn't work, and you lose the people you care most about because of it and there are times where it does work but that's not always the case.

Nine: Don't get too close to the front of the stage. After getting ripped down the first time I've learned the hard way not to get too close.

Ten: Climbing on top of the roof isn't a good idea either, after we got done doing that episode of incorrect heartbreakers it took almost four hours just to get me down from the roof. We had to call the local fire department.

Eleven: Some modeling clay can be put in the oven while others are not made to be baked all together. Earlier this month Howie wanted to test some random modeling clay he ordered off of Amazon, so he handed me a piece and had me put it in the oven to see if it would bake. Needless to say when I checked on it not even five minutes later it turned into a puddle.

Twelve: Take your driving lessons seriously, back when I took my first driving lesson I didn't take some things the instructor was saying into account. I didn't pass the first five tests. I'm still not good at driving after all of these years either.

Thirteen: Just because you don't think it's a good idea to put a new song on a greatest hits album doesn't mean it won't do well. When the greatest hits album was due I really didn't like the idea of doing it let alone putting new songs on it. But the album sold 12,000,000, was certified 12x platinum in the US and the only single released from it went number 1 on the US Billboard album rock tracks, so what do I know?

Fourteen: Breaking your hand is not a way to resolve things you're struggling with. During the recording process of Southern Accents, I broke my hand out of frustration due to my own fault. I wasn't in the right mind and if I was I probably could have avoided the whole thing.

Fifteen: Fashion is all about playful experimentation. If you don’t look back at pictures of some of your old looks and cringe, you’re doing it wrong. See: Marcus Amphitheater, 2001 and Bridge school benefit, 2002.

Sixteen: Everyone deserves to be treated equally. From a very young age I was always enraged with injustice. As the years went on and I learned more and more I took every chance I got to stand up, voice my opinion and I think every person should.

Seventeen: A very more recent one, always have band-aids on you, in every room possible, in every suitcase and in your pockets in general.

Eighteen: Never judge someone until you talk to them one on one. I took this one from a friend after having a two hour conversation over the phone. You never judge someone until you talk to them one on one.

Nineteen: Love isn't forever, I've had my fair share of breakups and heartaches. But the one thing that I have learned from it all is that love doesn't last forever. People grow apart, feelings change and so do people. And sometimes it's for the better.

Twenty: if you see it bubbling after you get done heating something up, don't touch it. Another recent one as I just made myself my own birthday cake, I decided to put caramel on it and I touched it, thus burning my fingers. At least it tastes good.

Bonus: if the instructions say 3 tablespoons add more, if it looks well still like nothing but powder keep adding what the recipe calls for until it looks right. And if you add too much. Pour some out, it'll be fine. Or add in more flour or mix.