#(it should be a crime with how much they've taken over my life...)

[blizzardfluffykpop]

Op same here 😭😭

can someone send help pls

[tranakin-skywalker]

Story Masterlist

Figured I should finally make one of these so y'all know what the fuck I'm talking about when I go on about my silly little au ideas. I'll be updating this list as I publish things/ come up with new ideas. Published fics have a hyperling to their ao3 embedded in their title.

THE BIG BOYS

Singularity:

Half canon re-write, half me going "hey wouldn't it be fucked up if _?" Basically I packed all my favorite little headcanons and tropes into one five-part monster of a series, featuring things like eldritch demigod Anakin, Force deities, fucked up Naboo politics, sentient droids, and a Galactic Civil War that actually feels Galactic and like a war. Somehow ended up with me both trying to make Star Wars more realistic, and leans way more into the mythological side of the story. Also features a ton of my own original concepts. A pantheon of Tatooine gods and slave culture inspired loosely by Fialleril, Sith religion and rituals, clone culture and language built around the idea that they've been dehumanized and un-personed for their entire existence, and a bunch of stuff about the Coruscant underworld. You can find more about it under my fic:singularity tag

Star-Birth:

The first part of Singularity more or less covering the events of TPM with a few... creative liberties taken. Status: Published/ Ongoing Word Count: 92,740

Accretion:

Part II of Singularity covering the years of Anakin's apprenticeship between TPM and AOTC, as well as looks into both the lives of Shmi and Padme. I took inspiration from a bunch of the stories in Legends covering this time period but most of it is my own thing. This is the one that goes the deepest into the functions and every day life of the Jedi, as well as life on Coruscant in general. An exploration of the disconnect between the governing body of the Senate and the wider galaxy, the wealth disparity on Coruscant and just how fucking dystopian it is, and generally how something like the Clone Wars could come about. Status: Unpublished

Asterism:

Part III of Singularity. AOTC if I butchered it's body and reassembled it in the imagine of my own design. Some of the movie's plot points remain but I'm attempting to get from Point A to Point B as originally as I can while still keeping with the heart of Attack of the Clones. Status: Unpublished

Nucleosynthesis:

Part IV of Singularity. The Clone Wars but not the animated version. We are going full Republic comics version baby. Ahsoka is still here tho, because I love her. Basically my idea of what a galactic civil war would actually look like, featuring space battles that last for months on end, widespread disease outbreaks, planets completely wiped out of existence, billions of combatants, and war crimes galore. The size of this war is immense. Like, there's over 1 billion active duty clones at any given time. (Which actually isn't even all that much compared to the population of the Republic at large lol) Probably the most space opera of the series. Status: Unpublished

Event Horizon:

Fifth and final part of Singularity. Essentially it's version of RotS, but with a vastly different ending. And beginning. And middle. Basically it's RotS if you squint. This I think is going to be the one that goes the deepest into the mythological/ fantasy aspects of the story. The Force and all it's weirdness is a huge aspect of this one. This is also the fic that goes the deepest into the Sith and all their awfulness. It features a much beloved headcanon of mine that when a Sith master is killed by their apprentice, part of their consciousness enters into their apprentice as a sort of living holocron. Which means that the current Sith master is essentially possessed by all the Sith that came before them and is constantly having to fight to keep control of their own body. It serves both as a way to pass on all the Sith teachings (since a living master would have a vested interest in keeping knowledge from their apprentice and thus a lot of that knowledge would be lost over time) and as an attempt at immortality. A strong enough spirit can take control of a weak enough vessel. Unfortunately for all those Sith masters, any apprentice who is able to go on and kill their own master isn't going to be in any way weak. A full, proper possession in the Sith lineage has been few and far between. I imagine y'all can guess what this means for Sidious' intentions with Anakin, a living vergence of the Force and for all intents and purposes immortal (even if Anakin won't let himself acknowledge that fact). Status: Unpublished

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Cytokinesis:

What started as me asking myself "what if the start of ANH but Vader/Anakin was trans and the twin's gestating parent and thus, recognized Leia immediately?" which then turned into something much much longer than I intended. Oops. The actual story starts during the Clone Wars when Anakin discovers he's been magically impregnated by the Force just like how his own mother was. Deals a lot with gender, parenthood, generational trauma, and repeating cycles. Also clones. Lots and lots with the clones. Their relationship with Anakin after discovering that he's basically a clone of his mother is a huge part of this fic. This particular version is going to follow along the beats of RotS and what comes after more or less (so, things are going to get a lot worse before they get better. Sorry) with some divergence here and there. This is the fic I find myself going back and rewriting/tweaking the most. Which is partially why it's taking me so long to update. I'm trying to make this next chapter one I'm completely happy with instead of having to go back and redo it in a few weeks lol. (Tho I think that's part of the fun of fanfic, the ability to go back and change things whenever you want). Honestly, this one is getting so long I might end up having to split it into two fics. fic: cytokinesis tag Status: Published/ Ongoing

Unnamed Cytokinesis Spin-off:

While Cyto is going to have a happy ending, it's going to take a lot of hurt to get there. Which is why I came up with an au to my au where the twins come early, Anakin doesn't fall, and things are happy... ish. The Republic is still a trash fire on the brink of collapse and everyone still has so so much trauma. Even when I write a happy au, things still suck lmao. I just can't imagine a RotS fix-it where things aren't still falling apart and Anakin gets off scot-free for murdering the president of the galaxy. Status: Unpublished

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Groundwater:

Ah yes, the fic that is really three differnt aus in a trench coat. 1. In the midst of galactic instability and the seceding of dozens of planets from the Republic, a revolt begins to spread in the Outer Rim. A revolt led by unknown masked force users, and a suspected Sith known only as Vader. The Jedi scramble to uncover the identity of these new enemies, only to discover a plethora of unpleasant truths that make them begin to question themselves and the very Republic instead. 2. After five years with the Jedi Anakin starts to have nightmares about his mother dying and they. just. won't. stop. He asks Obi-Wan for help, begs him for the chance to go to Tatooine and make sure she's alright. He isn't allowed to go. So he takes matters into his own hands. He leaves in the middle of the night, nothing but a note and a cut padawan braid left behind, and he goes to save his mother. Anakin ends up finding more than just his mother. There's a freedom network, one that Shmi is part of. There is a rebellion brewing, stolen weapons and stolen ships. There is a city in the desert, a paradise made by the hands of escaped slaves. And there are things, old things, powerful things, that he never new existed on Tatooine. Like deep ancient caves carved by the planet's mythical groundwater where kyber crystals grow wild and undiscovered. 3. Darth Vader lived, and then he died. In his son's arms he died, but that wasn't the end of it. There is no death, there is only the Force. And the Force was not done with him yet. He returns, four decades in the past, as a ghost haunting his younger self. Forced into the role of a passive observer, no power, no voice, seen only by one little boy and unable to change anything. Cursed to watch history repeat itself. Or at least that's what he thought. fic: groundwater tag Status: Unpublished

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I Wonder Which One Has My Eyes:

There was something achingly familiar about the pair of droids following the young princess around, Pooja thought. Or Pooja Naberrie, junior senator of Naboo, is invited to a senatorial event on Alderaan. There she meets and befriends young Princess Leia Organa. A few things click into place. This one is actually inspired by @keistance fic Uncle Ani, where the Naberries knew about the Anidala marriage. I thought it would be so so fun if Pooja realized that Leia was her baby cousin and secretly tells Leia all about her birth parents. Which means she goes into ANH knowing all about Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker, something that completely derails a certain interrogation with a certain Dark Lord when he stumbles over that particular fact. I'm fascinated by the idea of Leia coming from a similar place as Luke in canon, where she knows her father as a good man named Anakin Skywalker before she ever knew him as Vader. I think that change in perspective would give her the same belief and drive to bring her father back to the Light that Luke has. Also I think both twins ganging up on Vader to bully him into redemption is very funny. Status: Unpublished

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Unnamed Togruta AU:

Or Togruta!Skywalkers. Shmi and Anakin are Tatooine togruta, a rare population of togs that were ensalved from Shili dozens of generations ago and slowly grew to adapt to the desert environment. A characteristic of the Tatooine togs is the forward facing montals, which Anakin has. It's a trait coveted for gladiator slaves since they can be used to pin down/gore opponents. Anakin was occasionally entered into matches as a child where he was forced to fight and kill animals. Had he not been taken by the Jedi, he would have eventually been put in death matches against other sentients. (because I'm lazy I'm just copy/pasting this part from an old ask)

A lot of the ideas are coming from the hyena discord, so I can’t claim them as my own. But they are just too good to pass up. Like togruta making infrasound with their montrals and constantly projecting their moods. So when Anakin first gets to the Temple he’s constantly screaming for him mom at a pitch that only other togruta can hear. I’ve decided that that’s actually how he first meets Ahsoka. She hears him making his lost, scared, where’s mom, where’s family sounds and seeks him out to comfort him. Ahsoka would be about four here, and would have left Shili recently enough that she could still remember what those noises mean, even if Tatooine togruta sound different from Shili togruta. (to a Shili tog Anakin’s distressed noises sound like he’s being maimed, but that’s just because of the generational trauma and general awfulness of being a togruta on Tatooine. What they would think of the vocalizations he makes when actually being maimed we will not think about)

So Anakin and Ahsoka end up growing up together right from the start, and the main reason Anakin is so insistent on being knighted early is so that Ahsoka can be his padawan. It’s a private thought he has to himself at first, but as Ahsoka gets older and no masters are showing any interest in taking her on she starts to panic. Anakin tells her that he’ll just have to get knighted before she ages out so that he can be her master. And then the Clone War starts and he realizes that keeping his promise means bringing her onto the battlefield with him where she could die and he’s not sure if he’ll be enough to keep her alive :) Because Shmi is a togruta too she does not get bought by Cleigg Lars. I am just. not dealing with the implications of that. (Listen. I want to read Shmi’s marriage to him as a good thing, but I have a very hard time doing that.) Now, there’s actually a comic (Legands, I think, not Disney canon) where Gardulla goes to Watto and tries to buy Anakin back after he wins the Boonta Eve Classic. So have some fun thoughts about what would have happened to Anakin if he hadn’t gone with Qui-Gon. In the fic, Gardulla goes to buy Anakin but of course he left with the Jedi, so Gardulla decides she’ll take Shmi as payment for Watto’s debts. After all, if Shmi already had one child who turned out to be a talented podracer, well, she might have more. Hence the younger sibling that comes about shortly after Anakin leaves.

When Anakin goes back to Tatooine because of the nightmares about his mom he finds out that Watto sold his mom back to Gardulla and has to go to her to buy his mom’s freedom. Which would be traumatic, on multiple levels. Anakin finds out that a month before he arrived, Shmi tried to escape with the sister Anakin didn’t know he had, and Gardulla had their chips detonated. Gardulla even gives him their triggered remotes as proof. (Of course unbeknownst to Anakin, Shmi and the sister survived and are living with a village of other escaped togruta.) A lot of canon still happens the same, including Anakin’s fall, Order 66, Mustafar, etc. But when Bail Organa sees Ahsoka at Padme’s funeral he tells her that he can take her to a mutual friend of theirs. Ahsoka thinks (hopes) it’s Anakin at first, and is devastated when she realizes it’s Obi-Wan (and then hates herself for feeling disappointment because she should be happy that Obi-Wan is still alive, but he’s not Anakin, and this means that Anakin must be dead). There’s no Lars family and the Organas would have a harder time explaining a non-human daughter, so Ahsoka and Obi-Wan end up taking care of the twins. They eventually find their way to Tatooine because it’s out of the Empire’s notice and, well, because it’s a connection to Anakin (Ahsoka’s trying to hold onto anything she can that connects her to her brother and Obi-Wan is in his self-harming phase.)

And it’s there that they eventually run into a little community of togruta and a woman who looks suspiciously like Anakin who has the last name Skywalker. But hey, Shmi gets to meet her grandkids at least. Even if it happens at the same time that she finds out that son she thought she’d sent away to a better life and hasn’t seen in 13 years is dead. (Obi-Wan sees how much Anakin’s death destroys Shmi and decides to never, ever tell her what he became. Vader will be his burden and it’s a secret he will take to his grave. Anakin Vader is dead, and he’ll save them from ever finding out how it really happened) Of course, 15 years later Ahsoka goes to rescue some rebels from a walking death omen in black when she realizes the infrasound calls he’s shrieking out of his mangled montrals is devastatingly familiar.

togruta au tag or togrutakin tag Status: Unpublished

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Anachromism:

Anakin ends up twenty three years in the future, Vader ends up twenty three years in the past.

So you’ve got Anakin just fresh off the child murder suddenly flung into the Rebellion era and being faced with how much he supremely fucked up. Meanwhile Vader like not even a week after Bespin suddenly back in the Jedi Temple in the middle of the Purge. And because his vision is shit he doesn’t realize at first that it’s a bunch of clone troopers shooting at the big black angry mass that suddenly appeared. Which leads him to accidentally saving a bunch of baby Jedi, who of course imprint on him like orphaned ducklings. Vader figures he must had died at some point and this is a divine punishment for all the atrocities, trapped in a purgatory of reliving all his greatest mistakes. So in a bit of an uncharacteristic move for him, he doesn’t murder to death the gaggle of preschoolers he’s accidentally collected, and instead, in a series of absurd events sort of unintentionally helps to start the Rebel Alliance in a bit of cosmic irony.

Status: Unpublished

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War Machines (title pending):

Jedi are living weapons. Far into the Outer Rim, the Hutts obtain a planet killer. Dystopian au where the sith empire was never wiped out and controls half the galaxy and the Republic is more of an authoritarian dictatorship that uses teh Jedi as living weapons of mass destruction. Force sensitive children are taken from their families and trained as soldiers, raised with a cloned ‘handler’ who was designed specifically to be able to keep their Jedi in line. The Jedi are eldritch, incredibly powerful beings that are forced to wear suppression gear that keeps them confined to their physical form. Only the handler is able to turn it off the gear and allow the jedi the full use of their abilities. Some force sensitives are wired into ships or turned into actual weapons. On Tatooine, Gardulla realizes one of her slaves is a powerful force sensitive and begins having him trained like a jedi to be her own personal one man army. Status: Unpublished

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the thing that lives in dead stars (title pending):

A gambler Watto may have been, but stupid he was not. Anakin Skywalker was too great a prize to risk losing, not when the man betting had the gleam in his eye that told of a winning hand. Not that it mattered in the end. The boy won, and Watto lost, and the hutts got themselves the only human in the entire galaxy that could win a pod race. At least the outlander didn’t leave with the boy as well as his pretty Noobian ship. Or Anakin wins the race but not his freedom. Six years later, the circuit brings him to Coruscant, and the attention of a Sith Lord. My very fucked up Anakin raised as a Sith AU. Status: Unpublished

Shapeshifters AU:

aka space vampire Vader aka sun dragon Skywalkers. So I think we've established by this point that I can't get enough of Eldritch Skywalkers. They are my JAM. So of course I made another eldritch Skywalkers au. There's a few main points to this one. 1. Anakin, and subsequently Luke and Leia, being freaky part-Force abominations, can shapeshift. However, they cannot shapeshift into anything they like. This isn't FMA Envy/ Mystique/ whatever. They can't just look at a person and copy their face. Instead they have to have a deep emotional connection to what they are transforming into, and that transformation is always accessed by strong emotion. While they could theoretically shapeshift into a person they care very close to, the thought of doing so is very unnerving and almost violating, so they don't. Instead, all three Skywalkers have a habit of changing into creatures from Tatooine mythology. 2. Anakin and Beru are half siblings. I love this idea. I cannot express to you how much I love this idea. It just scratches something in my brain so well. Beru is Anakin's younger sister by about a year, and got left on Tatooine with their mother when Anakin was taken by Qui-Gon. She is not a part-Force abomination, but grew up knowing all about Anakin's weirdness. 3. Luke AND Leia are both given to Beru (and Owen) because of said knowledge about Anakin's weirdness. She is probably the best and safest option for raising two baby shapeshifting half-Force abominations. And thus the twins grow up on the same stories Anakin did, with the added knowledge that he could turn into those creatures, and thus, so do they. 4. At some point Anakin found out he could consume the midi-chlorians of other Force sensitives on account of the whole half-Force abomination thing. And since midi-chlorians exist in a persons blood, well. Space vampire. Sidious has a lot of fun feeding Force sensitive people to his pet monster. 5. Speaking of- Vader is more often than not a fuck off huge black hole of a sun dragon. Like, legitimately. In this, sun dragons are essentially living stars in the shape of massive serpents. Vader is what happens when one of those living suns becomes a black hole. 6. Vader is just all around fucked up honestly. He no longer gets to decide what form he takes. His body and everything about it is determined by Sidious' will. His master decides what he turns into, and Vader was always meant to be a monster on a leash. So of course that's what Sidious keeps him as. 7. The twins somehow get roped into the Rebellion. Don't ask me how, I haven't figured out that part just yet. Status: Unpublished

SHORT FICS & ONE-SHOTS

For a Son:

He could not bring her son back to her. Could not even return his body to lay to rest. The least he could do was bring her the grandchild she never even knew she had. He knew it could never forgive what he had taken. Obi-Wan finds out what happened to Shmi Skywalker. Word Count: 4,018 Status: Published

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Lessons the Desert Gave:

No one ever understood how the sand would sink into open wounds. How, no matter how much you scrubbed and washed and clawed, the sand always found its way into your blood. The desert has a way of sticking with you, even long after you left it. (Turns out growing up a slave can really fuck a guy up.) Ficlet/ one-shot collect of character studies looking at all the ways Anakin's childhood would have really messed him up. I'm open to prompts/ requests for this one. Word Count: 1,820 Status: Published / Ongoing

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Dead Letters:

Post RotS. Obi-Wan gets drunk and messages Anakin on his old comm from the war, forgetting that Anakin is dead. For some reason, he keeps on doing it. What could it hurt? Anakin is dead, his comm destroyed on Mustafar just like his body. So he keeps sending messages, because for just a second, it means he can pretend that Anakin is still alive out there somewhere. Then he discovers he doesn't have to pretend. This one could so easily be a crack-fic. Darth Vader gets drunk texts from Obi-Wan telling him all about how awful Tatooine is and that he'll never make fun of Anakin again for hating sand and he keeps getting sunburnt and also Anakin's son is so sweet and cute and just like him until he turned into a surly teenager, why couldn't he just stay an adorable little boy forever? Status: Unpublished

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Jewel Box:

Sidious’ obsession ran deep. What he wanted, he would have- wholly, utterly, and completely. His want for the boy was no different. Sidious POV of Anakin through the years featuring all the horrible messed up things he thinks and does. Big BIG warning for child abuse, grooming, and rape/non-con in addition to Sidious' all around awfulness. This is probably the most awful thing I've ever written. Like holy shit it's fucked up. It's taking me ages to finish because I keep having to take breaks from it. And I'm not even going into any graphic detail. Title comes from that one line in the RotS novel where Sidious calls Vader's suit a jewel box. Status: Unpublished

[roxannarambles]

teal mask fixit-fic on the fly part 4

(Current story so far: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3)

The festival had been great fun so far, once you'd all managed to ditch Carmine. It was like any good festival should be; lots of bad fried food; lots of games that were rigged against the player but were cheap enough to try again and again and eventually earn silly prizes; and plenty of opportunity to just generally horse around and not worry about classes or other, weightier matters in life, at least for the evening. Arven was absolutely affronted by the fair food, clamining it to be a culinary crime, so you and Nemona made a point of buying the greasiest and worst snacks and treats so you could to eat them in front of him. Penny had worked out how they'd rigged one of the games--a basketball toss that Arven was annoyed he couldn't win-- and helped him win the next round. (Turns out the ball was intentionally over-inflated and the hoop was higher than regulation). Even Kieran seemed to eventually warm up to everyone and enjoy himself, showing you all one of his favorites of the festival, an informal contest that festival-goers had acting out the heoric feats of the Loyal Three while wearing their masks. After all that messing about, you all just wandered for a bit, enjoying the atmosphere and all the costumes.

Then Carmine caught up to the group again.

She was pretty annoyed, claiming you'd all ditched her; Kieran was quick to tell her that you'd all simply lost her in the crowds, and everyone backed him up on that point. She seemed unconvinced but dropped it, in favor of issuing a challenge to the Paldean students: She claimed none could beat her score at some game called Ogre Ousting and dared one of you to try.

It didn't surprise you at all that Nemona's eyes took on a competitive gleam and she stepped up to the plate to defend Naranja's honor.

"Sure, I'll give it a go!"

Carmine laughed in her face, saying,

"You? Oh, perfect. This should be fun to watch."

There was a heavy tone of sarcasm underlying her words, but Nemona just smiled at her, saying,

"Thanks! So, what are the rules?"

You listened as Carmine explained the game to her in as condescending a way as possible. It was starting to really grind your gears. This girl being snotty to you, you could handle that, but watching her treating Nemona that way was too much. When they'd finished talking and everyone started to walk to the seating that was meant for people observing the games, you reached out and grabbed Nemona's arm.

"Hold on a sec."

She looked at you curiously. You pulled a pokeball from your pocket and handed it to her.

"Here. Why don't you use Koraidon? Give that girl a taste of Paldean pride. I bet they've never had to contend with a pokemon like this before with their little berry game, would be fun to see their reactions."

Nemona's eyes widened a little, but then she shook her head, handing you the ball back.

"No, Koraidon is way faster than any Stantler. I don't want to have any unfair advantages!"

You frowned.

"I heard her explain the rules. Players are allowed to use any ride pokemon they want. It's not cheating."

"I know it's not cheating. But it still wouldn't be very sporting of me."

You sighed, frustrated. You adored Nemona's purehearted respect for competition, but for once it was making things difficult.

"Nemona, that girl isn't as nice as she seems. She was totally disrespecting you and, and . . . she doesn't deserve to be treated that nice, she deserves to be taken down a peg! Plus, she already has an unfair advantage over you. She's played this silly game her whole life, she knows it way better then you do."

Nemona smiled at you softly.

"I know. Thank you for looking out for me, Jules. But I did get the idea she doesn't like me all that much. I'm getting a lot better at noticing that kinda stuff. And I know she already has an advantage over me. But you don't have to worry. Win or lose, I'm gonna do my best and I'll make Paldea proud!"

You gazed at Nemona a moment, her eyes bright and determined.

Then you smiled and let out a sigh.

". . . okay, okay. You know I have complete faith in you, I know you'll do amazing regardless."

Nemona grinned.

"Damn right I will."

You laughed and the two of you went to join the others.

However, once Nemona was set up with the rental Stantler, she realized Carmine wasn't getting ready for the game.

"No, no, I'm not playing. I'm just watching. You have to beat my record, remember? I've already set the record." Carmine told her. Nemona considered that a moment.

"Well, that's boring!" she said.

"Why don't we make it a little more exciting for our friends to watch? We should both play the game at the same time. You have to defend your title right here, right now. Sound good?"

Carmine glared at her, protesting,

"That isn't fair! I shouldn't have to meet my record again, that's not how records work!"

Nemona cast her a curious look.

"You don't want to? I think it could be fun. Or are you worried you can't beat me?"

You smirked as Carmine's face flushed in anger and she growled,

"I could beat some clueless Paldean bug-catcher any time, day or night, with my hands tied behind my back!"

Nemona beamed at her.

"Great! So we're on?"

"Oh we're ON all right. Get your Stantler, I'll set up the second course."

It didn't take too long for them to prepare, and soon both girls were atop their Stantlers, in their respective positions, ready to roll. You and the others were seated in the bleachers, watching expectantly.

The referee called,

"On your marks . . . get set . . . GO!"

The two players were off like rockets, blasting through rows and rows of balloons.

"You can do it, Carmine!" Kieran called out tentatively to his sister.

"KICK HER ASS, NEMONA!" you shouted through cupped hands, startling Kieran. He seemed to think a moment and then stammered,

"Oh, I-I'm-- I'm sorry, I'm rooting for Carmine, but you know, I still like you all too, I just, um . . ."

You laughed and reassured him,

"It's fine. I don't mind, I get it."

"I'm rooting for Carmine too," Arven told Kieran. You shot Arven a glare.

"What? Kieran can but I can't?"

"Carmine's his sister, that just makes him a good brother. You however are being a traitor."

Arven huffed an annoyed noise.

"I am completely impartial," Penny declared, leaning back in her seat. Arven said,

"That just means you don't want to tick anyone off."

"Yeah? And how is that bad?"

"Shhhh, quiet guys, they're coming by to drop the berries off!"

Both girls had returned to the tables to drop off the berries they already had, their buckets laden heavy with the fruits. Then they were off again to gather more. You all spent the time trying to count the berries and estimate who was in the lead, as well as argue over tactics of blasting through the balloons and protecting the tables from Skwovets. The time limit was rapidly drawing to a close, and both girls seemed to be progressing at a very even pace. It was honestly imposible to tell who had the lead.

When the game was called, you all rushed down to the field to watch the referee tally the berry totals. It would come down to the final counts. Nemona stood there, stained in berry juice and beaming, looking tired but proud. You gave her a hug, not minding the berry juice and gushing,

"You did awesome, Nemona! It was your first time but you were running that course like you'd done it dozens of times already!"

She laughed,

"Thanks, Jules. It was really fun! A real adrenaline rush."

When you began to pull away from the hug, she paused to whisper to you,

"Y'wanna know my secret?"

You nodded eagerly. She murmured,

"While they were setting the second course up, I mighta spent the extra time wandering the course and studying it a bit. Thought it wouldn't hurt to be a bit prepared." She winked.

You gave her a proud smile.

"That's mi tesoro, always usin' her head."

"Y-you looked great out there, Carmine. I think you might have even beaten your old record," Kieran told his sister. She didn't acknowledge him, instead just standing there with a tense expression, watching like a hawk as the referee counted the berries one by one.

"He's right, you looked really in the zone out there, I was impressed!" Nemona told her sincerely. Carmine waved a hand and hissed,

"Quiet, I'm counting!"

Everyone fell into an awkward sort of silence as Carmine watched the referee finish tallying the berries. When he'd finally got through them all, he announced in a loud voice;

"Aaaaaand the winner of the Ogre Ousting for tonight . . . at a whopping 20,000 berries . . . isssss . . . ."

The dramatic pause apparently went on for too long, as Carmine snapped,

"Gah! Just tell us already!"

The man gestured to both girls.

"It's a dead tie! You both win!"

"WHAT?! That can't be right! Count it again!"

"I already counted it three times," the man said sternly,

"I take my job very seriously."

"Ugh, this is-- this is ridiculous," Carmine spat, clearly disgusted. Carefully, Nemona said,

"Don't feel bad, Carmine. I mean, we both won, you don't have to feel bad--"

Carmine snapped,

"We didn't both win! Two people winning means nobody won! We still have no clue who's better!"

Nemona frowned.

"Well, we know we're both really amazing at it? I think a tie is kinda neat--"

"Wait, I've got it!" Carmine interrupted, pulling some pokeballs from her fanny pack.

"If we can't settle this with Ogre Ousting, we'll just settle this with a pokemon battle!"

She looked at Nemona expectantly, full of confidance and defiance, as if incredibly pleased with her idea and eager to see Nemona's response.

Nemona was quiet a moment, and then a smile settled onto her pretty features. It was not one of her usual smiles; it was something much more subtle, something almost dangerous.

"A pokemon battle, huh?"

Nemona tossed you a glance and you could hardly hold back your grin and bite back your words, but decided it would be more fun to keep quiet. Nemona's eyes sparkled with mirth. Carmine glanced between you and Nemona, looking faintly confused. Nemona answered her lightly,

"I guess I could try it out! Promise you won't go easy on me, though. I don't wanna feel like I'm getting an undeserved victory or anything."

Carmine snorted.

"I can definitely promise you I won't go easy."

"Good."

You looked to Arven and Penny, smirking. Arven said hesitantly,

"Carmine, you miiiight wanna reconsi--"

"Hush, Arven, let them fight," you say to him mildly, putting a hand on his mouth to silence him. He swatted you away.

"Yeah, this could be fun to watch," Penny said, grinning.

Penny was right, the battle was incredibly fun to watch, but not in the way Carmine had been hoping.

[nobodysdaydreams]

Doug and Hera need to have their own spin-off comedy space podcast/sudden therapy be a regular thing, because there's no other duo I'd rather see confront Cutter outside of his office documentary style with cameras and mics demanding an explanation for his many crimes🎙️

(Or my reaction to episodes 50-52 of Wolf359)

Welcome back dear readers! It's been a long day, and I know it's been a long time since I've reacted so I thought I'd sit down for a little Wolf359 this evening. Please enjoy!

Tagging the mutuals who got me invested in this, and if you want to be tagged or untagged from these posts, lmk, or you can follow my blog or simply follow the tag "#bods wolf359 reactions". Anyone who has followed me for a while knows my updates are inconsistent, so I apologize in advance for that and for any spelling/grammar mistakes in my posts.

@sophieswundergarten @oflightningandstars @acollectionofcuriousreblogs @herawell @commsroom

Episode 50: The Hiccups Method

I agree Minkowski. When will Kepler get it through his head?

👏 No. 👏 One. 👏 Cares. 👏 What. 👏 He. 👏 Thinks. 👏

With all of Jacobi's sarcasm, I think he and Doug would have been drinking buddies in another life where things were different.

Poor Lovelace. I can see why she doesn't want to take the risk. These aliens are interesting. They called out Kepler for his violence, but they themselves have been extremely violent and hostile. Do they genuinely not realize how fragile humans are? Do they think humans can regenerate like they can so they don't bother being careful? Are they just not used to being careful?

Oh right. Because Hera has been taken over before too. She knows what it's like.

Hera deserves her moment. I hope she gets it, whatever it looks like.

Maybe they could listen to the music. Maybe that will draw the aliens out. They did seem to enjoy the tunes. 🎶📻👽

I mean...the brain IS like a computer...but it's not exact. It's way more complicated. And a "part alien" brain? Let's see how this goes...

Ah the creepy background music. 🎶 That must mean it's working.

Eiffel! Oh dear. I guess Lovelace doesn't do well with creepy silence and breathing.

I know that sound. A treadmill. My old enemy. /j /treadmills are actually fine, it's the pacer that gets me.

Oh no this sounds terrible. I'd be out. Bods would not be a pretty sight. I'll spare you all the details.

Keep trying Eiffel, I believe in you!

And it's not your fault Lovelace. It's none of your faults.

Well except Kepler it is his fault for sure. And Jacobi.

Kepler's idea would probably involve chugging some whiskey.

Oh this is bad too. I should have figured. Kepler would have probably hoarded the whiskey for himself anyway. Not to drink, but just to enjoy the feel in his...well feet now I guess since he um...could use a hand right now.

The aliens did make Lovelace pretty indestructible... except for the one that killed itself that they heard about...oh maybe they can self-destruct.

As horrible as they were, it would be way more useful to have Maxwell or Hilbert around. I get why they had to die. If you have characters who can explain things, you lose the plot. But it would be strategic to trade Jacobi and Kepler for them.

Oh they don't sleep much? Interesting. What happens when she sleeps? Do they take the data from her brain?

Alien duplicates have a more complex brain stem? Interesting. A more complex life support and control system.

Norepinephrine. I struggled to pronounce it to Doug.

So that would mean she needs the opposite of alcohol.

DOUG WHAT IS THIS PLAN?

HERA CAN IMITATE THEIR VOICES? That's kind of cool. I hope she uses that later to trick Cutter and Pryce.

"Complete the process?"

Cliff notes? Key inside is outside? Enter in order to leave? Douglas must what?

Do they want them to fly into the star? Is that why they tried to drag them in before? Is that what the aliens mean by "Kalabunga"?

They know that doesn't work with humans right? They've seen human bodies, they know that can't work right? Are they trying to make more human clones? Why?

Good work, Doug. At least they know what the aliens want now. Sort of.

Episode 51: Shut Up and Listen

Sophie has really been hyping up this episode, so I'm excited to listen.

I love these intros. ✨Hera✨, Captain Isabelle Lovelace the Second, all the aliases for Hilbert 😂 "Boom-boom wow Jacobi" oh my gosh the Kepler one 😂

Professor D.F. Eiffel. What is his middle name? What is he a professor of?

The Hephaestus files! I love the intro theme. It's very drama. UF Overview is good too.

Again with the dramatic music. This is perfect. I love Doug and Hera together they're fantastic!

Please Minkowski being the mom. "You're not poisoning anyone on your radio show are you?"

Man, Doug is never living down this "you poisoned yourself" thing.

Oh right the radio signals. The ones that couldn't possibly from 8 years ago, because no radio station has ever played old music before. It’s not like we have whole stations dedicated to music from the 70’s and 80’s.

Why are we listening to Kepler's opinions on the aliens? They already made it clear they don't like violence. Kepler tried to get violent and they chopped his hands off and talked down to him. These aliens don't really even seem to talk normally. Do they even normally communicate with sound?

The lion speech actually makes sense. You don't know what "that's a nice scent there" means.

But Kepler. You are ASSUMING that you can't get where the dear listeners are technology wise without doing horrible things. And even if that is true, you are also assuming that's where you want to be. Why are these aliens taking such an interest in you? Maybe they're desperate. You literally just said you don’t know anything about how they work, and now you’re claiming to know everything. Whatever fits your worldview I guess.

"Finish the process quickly" sure sounds urgent to me.

As for Maxwell's language logs, maybe Hera can take a look.

I knew it! Hera can understand it.

Math is math. There we go! And binary gives you yes and no. Simple, but effective for answering questions.

I'm sorry Hera. I know Maxwell wasn't here for you, but she was there for a while. I'm sorry she didn't make a better choice. It’s sad to think that if they made better choices in another life, Maxwell and Jacobi might have actually been friends with these guys.

"How to listen. How much have we missed already?" That's a good metaphor for life too.

Not the Goddard Futuristics sponsorship 😂😂😂

"Do you want to do horrible things? Do you wish more of your time was taken up by conspiracy theories? Are you tired of just being evil on earth and want to be evil 🚀in space🛰️?" 😂😂😂

"Experiences no other human has ever gone through" right, but Lovelace is technically not totally human. (no offense. Biologically I mean).

"The Doug Eiffel charm" oh goodness

"What could possibly go wrong" DO NOT ASK THAT QUESTION DOUGLAS.

The wonderful record scratch and future Hera. 😂

"Fancy meeting you here...in the bridge...of a space station...the USS Hephaestus" I can just tell Doug ran a comb through his hair and threw on his best shirt for this. And that’s all you need. Max effort. Charm to 100% 😂

✨my casual stance😎✨

smooth Doug, very smooth

"I won't record you without your permission" 😂

I would not be surprised at all if Cutter and Pryce have listened to 100% of their journey. Microphones hidden everywhere.

"Don't pull others into your sinking boat" you're all in the same boat.

Wow. Lovelace is getting real here. "What would Isabelle Lovelace do?"

Lovelace you are YOU. ...Aw, she wants to feel like herself again. You can still be you Lovelace.

"That doesn't work. You know why?" oh because she's not her? Eiffel? Oh no.

Oh Hera. He was afraid of Hera? Windup girl? Hal9000 impressions? Doug, they weren't just jokes, and you know it. That's why you stopped.

"People are always going to be afraid of me, aren't they?"

Ouch.

And Doug did deserve that slap. It know jokes are how he copes, but poor Hera and Lovelace.

...yeah that DID happen. And I'd imagine Doug has been MIA. He's probably ashamed.

Doug, they know you're not a bad guy. We all make mistakes, but you need to apologize.

Doug is not the best listener or good at remembering or reading subtext. Me too buddy. It's okay. Dang they really called me out with this character and I don’t like this part. Can we go back to him being funny and a good friend and the only person brave enough to point out the obvious “killing people is wrong”?

Minkowski's speech about how hard it was to change her language and accent was a lot. I wonder what she thought about all those times Doug mocked Hilbert’s accent and Nationality? It also makes me wonder whether the aliens are doing the same with them. Not the mocking, but changing their speech. Are they just trying to communicate or do they want to create a certain impression?

But this is getting sad. Why does this feel like a forever goodbye? I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

"That's the thing about you Eiffel. You try. You really really try. And then you stop trying. Don't stop."

Let's see if he does.

I also love that Hera continued the podcast even though she got mad at Doug. She's so sweet. HAHA...The Hephaestus Files, nice. Hera deserves that.

I love the exit music 🎶🎶🎶

I feel like this episode might be a good metaphor for the aliens and communication. Doug didn't listen to what his coworkers were really saying. Maybe the aliens are the same way. Who knows.

Hm. I should go to bed now.

Eh...one more couldn't hurt.

Episode 52: Constructive Criticism

Oh Hera's trying to take care of him. It's okay Hera, he'll get over it, he just needs time.

Good thoughts Doug! You're listening! Why classical music? What's so special about that to them? Maybe they don't have a concept of sound or music! Maybe that's what they came for! You're doing it Doug! Good job!

The music is what they are sending. The point is why.

Be careful, Doug. She cares about you. Your friends care about you!

Oh Doug. RUN!

What would he do without Hera?

Did Lovelace gag him? Is this Kepler or Jacobi?

...why does Hilbert's lab have it's own pressure and air? To protect the experiments or give Hilbert a way out? Is there a way to detach the lab?

Also, it was only a matter of time. Cutter's errand boys kept chiming in when they weren't wanted. I'm surprised they weren't gagged sooner.

"The rules apply to Eiffel?" I suspect many rules were created specifically for or because of Eiffel.

A game? Not Funzo I hope.

Huh. Fortunately, Unfortunately sounds like a fun story telling game.

The story will tell you when to stop. Or you get bored. Or everyone dies.

Well not everyone I hope.

Oh Jacobi was that kid wasn’t he?

A WEEK? What happened to Doug? I knew he'd be upset after what happened, but yikes.

I knew it. The NPR special. Doug's punishing himself.

Looks like Kepler and Jacobi are getting on slightly better terms. Don't like that.

Hera. Hera no! HERA!

Oh right. She doesn't want to do a full reset of her personality. She doesn't want to delete herself even if she won't remember.

Don't ask Kepler for his games.

Oh now Jacobi is upset. I wonder what happened to him during the last round.

Wait, the you can only ask questions game! I love that game!

"Run away while you still can" no thanks Jacobi I'll play.

Kill him, Hera. Ask him about his Whiskey.

Now here's a good question. How did Jacobi end up here?

Oh right...Kepler's too proud to stop the game. This is perfect.

So Goddard did some good things. Wonderful. But you can't kill someone, show up in court, and cry "what about the millions I gave to the orphaned children?" YOU COULD HAVE STILL DONE THAT WITHOUT KILLING PEOPLE.

And good and bad DOES matter when you talk about progress, because it determines what you are progressing towards. FORWARD TOWARDS WHERE JACOBI? ASK YOURSELF WHY DOES THE WORLD WORK THAT WAY? DO YOU THINK THAT'S A GOOD THING? ASK DEEPER QUESTIONS YOU SIMPLETON!

"There aren't sides. There's people you do things to and people you do things for"

So Jacobi would kill them if given the opportunity. Tell me something I don't know. Pity he wasn't interested in the redemption arc. I was hoping somebody, ANYBODY would reach for it. The standard is low. The bar is on the floor.

Doug just wants to be helpful. Poor guy.

Yeah Doug, I know how this feels. It hurts. It's okay buddy. It's okay. They're still you're friends. You’re not worthless.

Oh his poor stomach.

And...Hera wins the game! Yay! 🥳

That's a lot of music. But again, why. Why do they need the music?

I'm beginning to like fortunately, unfortunately game. Let’s try it.

Fortunately, Jacobi had a come to Jesus moment and decided to stop blowing things up and stop threatening to kill people...oh dang it Jacobi!

Should have seen that coming.

[belowzion]

Helluverse Rewrite: Chapter 1, the Themes of Hell

This is a complete rewrite of the Hellaverse me and my friend are busy daily to write. At the end of this, we will be completely changing the characters looks, feels and even voices. Until then, enjoy the ideas we've thrown into the Fanficcy version of what we thought was squandered. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hell is other people, Arackniss. Its not the fire that burns the soul here."

-Angel Dust I feel like every story and universe should be based around the ideas and themes of what it tries to convey. The world should be built around what might be the most interesting setting for the main characters to be put in. Thankfully, Hell has MANY messages it can convey due to it housing 7 9 Circles. Based off of Dantes Inferno in that regard, we have given each of these Circles their own themes and ideas.

However, the most general idea between all of this has been... Hell being other people. In Hell, the Sinner usually reaps what they've sown. They are given a second chance. They spawn in these large, dormitory-like buildings, for the first year of their life... If they are NOT immensely sinful. Special cases are made for people that have excessively sinned their entire life. However, most end up in Hell. It does not matter if you're good or evil, if you did not pray to God, you will never pass through those pearly gates.

For a month, the sinner has their rights of signing their souls away, taken away. For a MONTH. They are given a set of special education as to what will happen here, how they might best survive in Hell and how they should live like.

"Hell encourages immorality, baby~ Only way to survive here is to find that inner peace! That being, accepting yourself for the scum you are~"

-Valentino

Valentino is one of these cases. Mikhail "Milo" Tarantino was a... yoga teacher. Not a very high place to be in, not what you'd expect of a future pimp lord. The man was not very sinful, however, we're talking about the type of yoga teacher that hangs out with your wife behind your back. Tarantino would encourage finding ones inner peace, to accept yourself for who you are.

When he died and spawned in Hell, he embraced that idea... He no longer hid who he truly was. Became a ruthless pimp lord that held the chains of untold amounts of sex-workers.

You see, in order to survive in Hell, sinners will have to completely give up their humanity... or be a victim to many creative ways demons and sinners take advantage of them. In Hell, morality is dead, many things we illegalize in the name of goodness is allowed and most of law-enforcement happens through whatever Demon Lord runs the city to protect their citizens... well, if you're a valuable citizen to protect. If a cannibal decides to serve themselves with you and no one knows your name, they can do that at the side of the road.

This of course, encourages absolutely ABHORRENT behaviour. It encourages the worst aspects of humanity to come out, defiling whatever God had in mind as their image of perfection to be, twisting them into demons.

The vilest of sinners however, usually meet their end by recklessly indulging in their sins too much...

"The Bubs here seem to follow in her footsteps, accepting of outsiders with dignity and grace. While these oversized insects seem to share their queens hospitality, the sinners that seem to come here, may end up in a worse shape than before… They see a Bub, taking out a sinner with a wheelbarrow, deceased, fattened to the brim as honey leaks out of its mouth… maybe they are taking out to bury the poor gu- he brought the over-indulgent sinner to his family… where they immidietly begin cutting up the sinners corpse, and set up a barbecue to prepare it for consumption… The only crime bigger than to deny food, after all, is to deny food the chance of becoming something Worth overindulging in."

This... is the idea of Hell. I hope you like reading these as I'd love to keep summarizing my thoughts here more and more. Please, leave any feedback and criticism you feel is valid as I am open to any ideas and inspirations.

[visionkept]

" what's your name ? " the prince gently offers his hand to the STRANGER on the floor . his guards surround them & although Kaeya is YOUNG, he is still a PRINCE . still in charge ; body moves to stand in the way of them , kaeya's entire demeanour screams: ' do not touch them. do not harm them. '

hand under chin, Kaeya contemplates the person in front of him . they will do. they will be my companion .

" come . you'll be with me. i'll take care of you and i will see to it that no harm comes to you . ah,

my name is kaeya. prince kaeya, if you must . but just kaeya will do . " // KADMWLSLQLA

THEY SHOULD BE DEAD BY NOW. They got nowhere else to go, no one to get back to and NOTHING to live for. At that point they would be more of a WALKING CORPSE than anything else, grasping on the few strains of light that their dark and miserable life held. Barely making it up to another day, another week and another year. But that will change today, RIGHT ?

Sold at a young age by their father as an undesirable mutt. The bastard child of a noble in inazuma as the product of an affair with his maid. Since day one their life has been nothing more than a BURDEN to those around them, USELESS to the eyes of their progenitor. Their mother couldn't stop him from giving away her child and as consequence, Tomo had it rough from the beginning. Taken to the main lands of Teyvat, far away from home to become the servant of those who have bought them for a generous amount.

But Tomoya has never been one to stay still. As soon as they had gotten a chance, they had ran as far away as possible. Taking dangerous routes and traveled distant regions they couldn't recall. With nothing to their name except a single pocket knife they had managed to find in an abandoned bundle. It's all they got and all they'll ever call 'theirs'.

They've come this far, SURVIVED for a year or two this way. Stealing, lying and bleeding along the way. They don't know the names of the nations they have been in . . Inazuma ( their place of birth ), Liyue, Sumeru, Mondstadt and now . . . KHAENRI'AH. . .

There's three CRIMES they committed in the fallen land. The first, STEALING. A couple of apples and carrots had been taken from a caravan in a desperate measure to eat something, anything. Second, fighting back the knights that had tried to arrest them. Kicking, punching, screaming and so much more. Third, attempting to MURDER someone. It had been an accident, the knife they used to protect themselves had almost taken down one of the official knights by mere chance and for that, others decided that Tomoya deserved TO DIE.

Dragged by their blond mane to the plaza for the public execution. Even then they tried to break loose though the grip was too tight and if they had managed to do so, another guard would have taken them back. It's a DEAD END, that's it. Their story ends here.

'I don't want to die', they think to themselves, 'I don't want to die! NOT HERE, NOT THIS WAY!'

It's not over yet.

HE, out of all the GODS and celestial beings in the sky, has given them another chance. Guards kneel down, a reverence for the PRINCE of these lands. Everyone shuts and listens to his words, as if he was the SUN that guided this GALAXY, as if no one could shine as bright as him.

Tomo doesn't look up, not until the other speaks at them. There's no rejection in his voice and instead of a glare they are met with a soft gaze. They are being treated as a HUMAN BEING. . . How odd, it's the first time that has ever happened to them.

Why isn't he mad ? Why isn't he roaring like a lion ready to kill the mouse that had invaded his territory ? Both are nearly the same age, perhaps a year or two of difference at most. In another time and era, they could be equals. But right now, the prince stood in front of a commoner, an alleged "CRIMINAL" by those guards that urged the noble to stand back for his own safety. Treated as an ANIMAL, a savage when they are just a kid wanting to live for another day.

❝  Tomo. . . ya. . . TOMOYA. ❞ No one knows their name and barely they know it themselves. No last name accompanies it though, as well as no star is found on those VIOLET hues of theirs.

With nothing to lose they stand by his side. Eyes are set on the two, JUDGING and not letting go. They don't know what to say besides nodding, a bit confused still on this LANGUAGE they haven't mastered fully.

Honestly, they don't get it. Tomoya takes his hand, in their face there's confusion, wondering why was he being nice to them. What was so SPECIAL about them that was WORTH SAVING ? No idea. Nevertheless, KAEYA has to be the FIRST AND ONLY person to ever held a hand out for them and for that, TOMO WILL TRUST HIM.

[jackiesartden]

Modern Call of Duty is Ass

I know I am late to this party, but I bought MW3 when it was on sale for 30 bucks, so I played it only starting a month or whatever ago.

Holy shit, this game is ass.

Where to even start? I do unironically enjoy this series, as much as its grating hyper-individualized uncritically pro-military USA propaganda is annoying to me. Call it a guilty pleasure, I suppose, but it still is a fun shooter and it's not like my individual purchase is going to make a meaningful difference to the affect it casts on impressionable tweens, teens, and adults. I am a sucker for 'immersive' types of games with dramatic cinematics, narrative and fun casual gameplay.

But damn, are they trying to ruin this series. The imperialism propaganda meter has been turned up to 11 since MW2019, having the fucking gall to reframe real life American war crimes as other countries, emboldening xenophobic vigilantism as long as it's in the best interest of 'what's right' AKA the West and especially the USA. The Black Ops storyline is as uncritically anti-communist as always, but they're getting bold with the 'heroic' portrayal of Ronald Reagan in BO: Cold War and I'm cynically looking forward for how they'll manage to overtly rewrite history to embolden the 1980's and 1990's CIA in Black Ops 6. You can't make the CIA look good without being seriously dishonest or ignorant, and given the franchise's past ties to the actual US Military, I'm expecting a whole lot of the former.

In the MW reboot, they've taken what you could earnestly call a classic, if a bit goofy (and subtle propaganda) storyline into a mediocre (and blatant propaganda) rehash with dwindling levels of effort being put into the campaign, something especially noticeable in MW3. I remember hearing rumors that MW3 started off as a DLC, and man does it feel like it. Several of the missions are basically a mini DMZ session with some exposition thrown in, which feels like filler content that was quicker to make rather than a thought out plan of gameplay. Playing thru MW2019, MW2, and MW3, I think there's a clear slow decline in care and effort put into the campaign, and then a swift smash into a brick wall for the latter game. I won't do spoilers, but the way certain important plot elements of the original games were recreated were, to be generous, undercooked. The 'big thing' comes out of nowhere, feels underwhelming, and extremely contrived.

How about the multiplayer? It's...ok. I play it, I enjoy parts of it. But I've noticed that the classic maps that have been ported over seem to not fit the overhauled gameplay. I don't hate the movement as much as I've seen some complain, but I would personally prefer something closer to the classic mechanics, with just sliding here and there. I will say though, I do think the 'omnidirectional movement system' as they call it in the Black Ops 6 beta is an improvement. It feels like a more refined version of the same vibe, and I look forward to playing more of that game's multiplayer when in comes out late next month.

There are some major gripes I share with others in the community, though. For one thing- please get rid of fucking SBMM. It's just annoying, and sucks fun out of what should be a fun casual game. CoD has always been a fun game to play casually. It is not at its best as a hardcore shooter, and I think that the 'hardcore' gamemodes and ranked queue should be cleanly separated from the mass player group who plays it casually. I saw a dev claiming that SBMM has always been a thing in the classic games. But here's the thing- even if the basic system was present, there is no way it is anywhere near as strict as it is now, and every reasonable player knows that. Most people do not want to grind skill rank; we have Counter-Strike, Valorant, Rainbow Six: Siege, and plenty of other well-balanced, better-made games for that.

Another thing that annoys me but seems hit or miss as a complaint from others, is the netcode. I'm not quite sure if it's peaker's advantage, lag compensations, or whatever other combination of multiplayer netcode terminology, but it just doesn't feel good to me. When I kill other players, it feels like TTK is long and I'm mag-dumping, but when I get killed, it feels like they locked onto my head instantly and took me out with like two shots. Then, when I watch the killcam, they had five business days to slowly move the crosshair towards my direction and destroy my face. It's hard without insight behind the scenes to know how much of this is perceived, and how much is actual latency issues or whatever, but even if it's just a presentation problem it still sucks to play with.

Am I still gonna play CoD? Yeah. I'm still playing MW3, and I pre-ordered BO6 and enjoyed the beta multiplayer overall. But I can dream of games being better and less pumped with shitty messaging. Something something no ethical consumption under capitalism

[curiouscarllee]

Hello, I'm making a list of my OCs with a bit of art and information! I am doing this because I feel as though I post a lot about my characters without ever providing any detail, so, here you go :) On top of this, I'd like to state that I am always intrested in hearing about your ocs as well, you are more than welcome to send me an ask about them or about my own characters :)

Fairlynn: My Main

Fairlynn is a bosmer, he is the Hero of Kvatch and also Sheogorath. He is a tad unpredictable and has some mental issues in regards to mirroring the mad god and myself. Fairlynn was 28 when he started with saving the world, only 29 when it ended and full of grief with Martin's passing. This drove him to the Shivering Isles in hopes that he could persuade a daedric prince to revive his beloved. That's not at all how it went down, upon noticing this realm was not one of a stronger prince, Fairlynn was tempted to leave the plane but found himself infatuated with it instead.

After a few years, the princes sensed a danger approaching, one in the form of an imperial male that had the possibility of defeating them. Therefore, they agreed to send one of themselves down to nirn in an attempt to stop it. Unfortunately, they chose Fairlynn to get the job done and yeeted him down where the bosmer began to gather enforcments in the form of other people which he thought would become allies when they grew older.. But what he didn't expect was the imperial managed to befriend every. Single. One. Of the people Fairlynn had set on course to hate the man, none of them truly did. That's the exact moment where he went, "if you can't beat em' join em'." And promptly joined the group in his mortal form without revealing to them who he was. Instead the group thinks he's just a skooma addict that is talented in the ways of fighting. They have no idea.

Ragnar

This is that imperial male stated in the last description. This man is destined to destroy the influence of the daedric princes on the mortal people, however, he has the intelligence of a box of rocks and everyone doubts this prophecy to be true. The only time one can possibly think this true is when he displays his power in the midst of battle, he was blessed by the divines at birth, each giving him power to defeat the evil of the world. He his bound to use it.. But he never uses it for good, I mean,, why would he? He could kill anyone he wants! No way he's gonna be the "good hero"! (Basically, this was my brother's character and he used mods to make him op so I had to improvise.)

Past wise, my brother and I decided to intertwine him with the lore. You rememeber the song Ragnar the Red? That was Ragnar's father. In truth, his name should be Ragnar the second or Ragnar Jr. but his mother, Matilda, said "hahahaha, no, your father was a mess and you shall not be him." and removed the second part. After his mother died of a sickness, Ragnar hesitantly moved towns in search of work. He missed his mother greatly and would give anything to have her back.

S'arra

Meet S'arra, she is a khajiit female and the heart of the group (along side another who you'll meet shortly). S'arra is the youngest, she may be sweet but she'll rob you blind if she sees a chance. S'arra came from a happy family in Elsywer, she was the child of F'awn and Ja'zaka, two khajiit with completely different sets of morals. Ja'zaka was a born bandit, he was wild and carefree, F'awn (My friends oc :)) was a gentle and caring woman, she loved to live. When F'awn got pregnant, her brother, J'ar, lost his mind. J'ar was fueled with anger towards Ja'zaka and at one point made an attempt at his brother-in-law's life. It was at that moment J'ar was kicked from F'awn's life, he ran from his home and joined a vampire clan/bandit group in Skyrim.

Only months after her birth, Ja'zaka disappeared. He ran and never came back. F'awn tried her best to raise S'arra, but one morning S'arra was taken from her by a rabid animal that invaded the town. The creature took off with S'arra and lead the small khajiit to it's den where a caravan traveling to Skyrim would soon find her and take her with them, raising her as their own on the roads of Skyrim. The caravan was killed and attacked by a certain bandit group/vampire clan (hahaha, yup, the one J'ar is in). S'arra joined the group in hopes of revenge, although, she'll keep that bit to herself. ;)

Adoren

Now this orc, oh he's amazing. He is an old man, a precious old man with a past of pain and betrayal. In order to introduce his past, we need to introduce his adpoted brother first:

Zanik

This is Adoren's adopted brother, Zanik (grandson of Nellie), a not so nice older man. Zanik was thrown out by his father a young age, more precisely, he was thrown in a river by his father in one of his father's crazed fits. Zanik can't swim, he hates water more than anything else in his life. The dunmer was washed to shore near an orc stronghold where he was picked up by Adoren and adopted by the orcs family. Zanik and Adoren lived happily for many many years, one day they went on an exploration to scout for different hunting grounds. It started to pour causing the two to take shelter in a dwemer ruin. That's when they heard soft groaning and sounds of pain coming from down one of the halls. Hesitantly, they explored. Only to find:

Kidawe

My most lore breaking character! Meet Kidawe, a small snow elf from one of the last remaining villiages of falmer! Now, yes, I am breaking the lore because, since when has canon lore stopped me? Kidawe lived on top of the mountains to the north of Cyrodiil and the South of Skyrim. His village is small and portable, in case they need to move, the tribe of elves is shrouded in mystery, they've managed to live this long and refuse to leave their mountain. Kidawe doesn't listen to that, he runs off each night in search for dwemer ruins, things he find more then interesting. The young elf holds no fear when he's in his element, and he loves to explore. One evening, while in a ruin he is attacked by a vampire/bandit named Raeferth (the leader) who pushes him to join the group, trying to convince the snow elf that his expertise is needed. Kidawe refuses and then engages in battle with the nord, he looses and ends up pinned under a fallen pillar that crushes his arm.

Upon waking up after falling unconscious from the pain, Kidawe is met with the sight of Adoren and Zanik standing over him. After many many months of trust building, the two get Kidawe to befriend them. Kidawe uses their help to fashion himself a new arm from dwarven parts found in the ruin. After a few years, Kidawe disappears. He was taken by force by Raeferth (the others do not know this). Adoren and Zanik are heart broken. They miss their friend greatly.

Adoren/Zanik Pt.2

After losing Kidawe, these two go off and join a bandit group.. Yes the same vampire clan group. Adoren thrives in the group, he his strong and more then willing to get his hands dirty. Zanik.. Not so much. Zanik is only kept around because of Adoren. They all know not to mess with Zanik or else they mess with Adoren.

After spending a few years with them, Adoren decides he can't continue this. Zanik begs him not to leave, trying to make the orc realize that this group will not let them go without hurting them. Adoren doesn't listen and leaves the bandits, later that day the stronghold is burnt to the ground. Adoren looses everything in the fire, his parents pass away, his friends and family. Instead of processing lose normally, he makes it up in his head that the reason Zanik was warning him was because Zanik had a hand in it. Therefore the two fight and Adoren punches Zanik, he's wearing a ring that catches under Zanik's flesh and pratically tears off his cheek leaving the dunmer with a horrible scar. Adoren warns Zanik never to speak with him again.

Which of course doesn't stand because after they grew up into old men, they cross eachother's paths once more. They both join up with the good guy group at different times, Adoren joins first after he finds them in his house, and Zanik joins when he is once again found washed up on the shore.

Zorlin

Not much on this boio, he was my first oc in the Elder Scrolls. He's an argonian heavy set warrior. Zorlin is silent and cut throat, he is a part of the Brotherhood and only joins the good guy group after his brother, Tu'ru is 'murdered' by Raeferth.

Tristane

There is so much on him. I'm just going to do bullet points:

Born in Skyrim 200+ years ago. He never knew his true parents and was instead brought up by a wealthy noble family. They more kept him around for labor.

He befriends 3 local kids, Mayrn (breton like him), Raeferth (nord trouble maker), and Lynik (Raeferth's brother).

They all cause problems and Tristane falls in love with Raeferth :D

One day Raeferth claims to have found immortality, Tristane instantly says "No, I'm not doing this." And leaves the friend group, trying to focus on himself.

He is then framed for a crime he didn't commit and sent to Cyrodiil's Imperial Prison. Then he is bailed out by the Emperor and sent to Morrowind.

Morrowind happens, Tristane changes from whining child to even whiner child with the ability to cast spells.

After Morrowind, Tristane travels to Solstiem where he is confronted with Mayrn and Lynik (both as bandit vampires).

Mayrn and Lynik try to force him back to Skyrim to see Raeferth and join them. Tristane, as he said before, says "no". So they kill him.

Now they don't really kill him, they use a method I made up called Soul Gem Reflection. This is something I completely made up but I like it so sue me. I can write an entire post on this alone so we're just gonne say, "Soul gem reflection is a method in which the targets soul is directed towards an object they held dear in life instead of dying. They're life essence is held in the soul gem, but they live in the object."

In this case, Tristane was reflected in his journal.

Lynik felt horrible for doing this to his friend, he felt guilty and returned the journal which he unknowingly relfected the breton in, and gave it to Tristane's family who in turn stuffed the journal in the basement.

Fast forward 200+ years and Adoren buys the manor, finding Tristane's journal inside and opening it. Surprise! Out springs a ghostly figure of Tristane who then convinced Adoren to take him along with the group!

Other Characters:

This is J'ar. He's mentioned above.

Also, here's some more character that aren't affiliated with the group:

-Baendil and Baendal are bosmer brothers, they were abandoned by their parents and instead found by cranky altmer father Kornan. They're bandits (not related to vampires at all). They're bad, not morally wrong but actually just bad at being bandits. They couldn't rob you even if you asked them to.

-I will add more later I'm sure.

[kuronanox]

Comfort and lost - Gin Ichimaru

"Ichimaru Taicho, I have the papers you asked for." (Your Name) tells him as she sets them on the desk. Gin sat on his chair with a sly smile on his face. "Yer really bustin ya butt for me."

She awkwardly bows her head and takes a leave. "Do I creep ya out?" He teases walking towards her with his hands behind his back.

"No." She says.

He stops walking with the smile on his face. Gin didn't know why he chose her as his third seat but ever since she came into his squad Gin couldn't tell if she enjoyed her time here. He had to admit he was a bit interested in her.

"Taicho?" She calls out bringing him back to reality. "Are you okay?"

Placing her hand on his forehead he goes back to his desk. "Just peachy." He replies letting her leave now.

Looking down at his papers Gin frowns. The only person who showed him affection was Rangiku but that was a different story. (Your Name) was just mysterious to him he couldn't  help but try to converse with her.

"Oo (Your Name)?" Kira says walking out his office, it was pretty late at night about midnight. "Izuru!" (Your Name) exclaims.

"Why are you here so late?" He questions a little suspicious since she wasn't a lieutenant.

"Ah, Ichimaru Taicho wanted me to get him some papers because you were busy all day. I'm about to head to my room, wanna walk together?"

"Sure."

If (Your Name) had to admit the 3rd squad gave her weird vibes. One because the Captain was mysterious, two the Vice Captain was so gloomy and third it was rather quiet and eerie here.

Although a unusual friendship bloomed with her and Kira to the point she used his first name. A part of her thought he was lonely and so she wanted to break his shell.

"Has Taicho been acting weird to you lately?" Kira asks her as they got farther away from the office. (Your Name) side glances at Kira and nods. "You think so too? I thought I was the only one that noticed."

"I think something is bothering him but I can't tell. Taicho is very secretive." Kira admits looking down probably upset he isn't as close to Gin as he would like to be.

That night (Your Name) kept tossing and turning in her bed, the night terrors were occurring often. She didn't know when they started but it happened recently a lot lately.

"(Your Name)!" Her friend shouts out as they ran around the sandy route of rukongai.

"Hurry or else they will catch us!" (Friends name) says from behind.

(Your Name) closed her eyes hugging the loft of bread tightly in her arms. Running faster trying not to get caught they made it to their hide out.

Picking up a boulder they used as a door they set the bread in their 'pantry'. Living in rukongai was a survival game. A lot of them were poor and the crimes were high.

At the young age of 16 her and (Friend Name) both lost their family and decided to live together.

"We have to take from someone else's stall now, they notice when we are around." (Your Name) says and her friends lay down on the dirt ground exhausted.

"Yeah, I'll get the next steal." A smile form on her friends face as they giggle towards each other and enjoy the dry bread.

It had been over an hour already and (Friends Name) still wasn't back. (Your Name) was getting worried as she searched.

Walking past a few stalls they seem busy with other customers but they only stole from this area so where was (Friend name).

A scream from the woods caught her attention as she ran to the area. The blood spilled everywhere as (Friend Name) laid on the floor.

"You brats thought you could steal from me for the rest of your life. It's time to pay for the price!" The seller man screams running towards her with the knife in his hand.

A part of (Your Name) wanted to run and hide but her friend was already gone from this world and it seems like (Friend Name) put up a good fight because there was scratch marks all over the man.

Kicking his shin he fell on the floor as she tried to snatch the knife from his hand as he punched her face. "Owe!" She yelled holding her face.

"It's your turn!"

"Shinso." (Your Name) hears as a long blade plunged through the man's body. Instant death as he fell on the floor lifeless.

"Looks like I found a baby deer." Gin says helping her up. "You should join the academy ya know. A waste to be stuck here! Plus yer friend ain't here no more."

She shutters in fear and looks at (Friends name) lifeless body as she fell to the ground sobbing.

(Your Name) screams throwing the blanket off grabbing her head as a pair of arms catches her shoulders. "(Your Name)?" Gin calls out tilting his head in confusion.

"Ichimaru Taicho?" She calls out looking up to him, the fear in her eyes as she leaned close to him.

"How did you get in here?"

"You've been screaming for the past hour." Gin states as she looks down at her hands. It was weird but she was in his embrace and she didn't want to leave it.

"You've been having night terrors." He then tells her as she lays her head on his chest as he caresses her hair.

Noticing how close their proximity was with each other she kindly separates from him and hops off of bed.

"I'm sorry, I need some fresh air." She tells Gin as he observes her room to see bottles of sleeping pill next to the bed. "Taicho do you wanna join me?"

The normal smile he always had on his face appeared as Gin agreed to. It was silent as they sat on the wood floor looking up at the moon.

(Your Name) couldn't read Gin but he always showed affection by his body movements towards her. There were many nights he had to wake her up and sometimes Kira would be by the door worried.

"I don't know why I keep getting these night terrors." She tells Gin.

"Ya stressed, don't worry about the past trauma." He advised her as she stared at her hands again. The blood that was spilled everywhere was tainted on her body.

The red liquid falling from her face and the sad look in (friends name) eyes as she buried the grave. The lonesome house she lived alone in for the next year and the sleepless nights all shaped her today.

A soft hand held hers as (Your Name) looked up to see Gin looking down at her again with concern. "Yer fine now, I'm here."

"I'm sorry, I keep spacing out. I'll try to stop." A small smile on her face as they saw the sun rise, a heavy body leaned onto her. Gin was asleep. "Jeez I can't really move now."

The night terrors got worse when it was learned that Gin was also behind the betrayal of the Soul society.

She remembered his face the day he left, it was almost as he was asking for help.

A part of her wanted to accept the feelings she had for him but she could never. (Your Name) knew Gin and Rangiku had a special relationship she didn't really know much about, but she wouldn't mess with it.

(Your Name) sadden a little more knowing she could never be his number one.

Kira was feeling down also, it was a sad day for many and a rude awakening for all of them.

"Gin still care for us?" (Your Name) asks the blonde man as they sat across each other with a sake bottle in the middle of the table.

"Taicho told me the day before the betrayal to watch over you." Kira says to her as she gasp.

"Funny because he told me the same thing."

"What was on his mind?" (Your Name) continues as they both toasted over the sake.

(Your Name) didn't like to sleep at night because she knew the nightmares would come again and no one would be able to stop them.

"Maybe I've diagnosed insomnia? I don't sleep much these days, especially since I've taken over Vice Captain duties and Kira took over Captain duties for now."

"My mind is in chaos everyday wondering if the path I chose was right?" Gin tells her as they sat in his office a sunny afternoon day.

"What do you mean??" She calls out but he doesn't answer.

"There are times where I feel lost and unmotivated but I care for the ones I love the most."

It was almost like Gin couldn't see her because every word she called out he couldn't hear.

"I'll do whatever it takes to make them both happy again even if it's wrong to love them equally."

"Gin?!" She screamed out his name but he only looked away from her.

"I'm afraid I've broken both their hearts."

"GIN!" (Your Name) screams as Kira was besides her worryingly. "Are you okay?" He asks handing her a cup of water as she drinks it.

"I've been getting nightmares again. Taicho was in it." She tells Kira as he sat besides her. They both are quiet, the air has some tension because they know it's been rough on them both.

"I have to get some medicine, I can't keep waking you up."

"It's fine. We are here for each other." Kira tells her as she looks up to him surprised. He was right, they've leaned onto each other for help and support. It was a healing process for them having to lose someone precious.

"I guess you are right." She chuckles laying back down as he made a futon next to hers. It was a normal thing for them now.

They had no one in their lives any more they were family now.

[kylandara]

A very interesting take. I would sadly agree Jon fell from grace, because whether political Jon is true or not, he enable Dany this far to cause the destruction she did. Not that Dany doesn’t get the max blame, but Jon has his share for his own soul. I can almost imagine his PTSD when this is all over. Onwards

——————-

The hysterical reactions to Dany’s dark turn were initially amusing to me because I enjoy suffering, but as this week has gone on, I have grown more disconcerted by 8x05 myself. I am not an emotional person by nature, but each day I am more agitated by the episode rather than less. I didn’t know exactly why it bothered me so much until I realized that I was running through the same stages of grief that Dany stans were.

Both of us lost our heroes.

I had been laughing about Dany stans not seeing where her arc was going when there is ample foreshadowing in books and show as pointed out in articles, metas, posts on Reddit, answers here on Quora, YouTube videos, wherever it is you go for GoT fan content, Dark Dany has been discussed. I thought the proof was so overwhelming that to not see it meant you were in denial.

I did not know I was in denial myself.

I thought Dany stans were watching a different show than the rest of us.

The truth is, I was watching a different show than some of you.

As much as this has frustrated me to no end, I think it has been the greatest success of GoT that D&D have exposed us to ourselves. Or at least, it would be if we pulled ourselves away from our feelings long enough to acknowledge what’s been staring us in the face the whole time.

Dany was not the only hero who fell from grace Sunday. I have been grieving for my own.

Dany burned thousands, tens of thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands of people Sunday, a horrific and inevitable event.

My hero stood by and watched. Worse, my hero knew it was likely to happen and enabled her. Even worse, my hero marched his men South to help her. And still worse than that, when Varys looked him in the eyes and said they knew what was going to happen, Jon refused to even try to stop her.

My hero did not commit the inexcusable evil that Dany did (Yes, EVIL. Yes, INEXCUSABLE.) But my hero did not take a stand. My hero was not heroic. My hero stood by helplessly while children were burned alive. How harshly did I condemn Stannis and the Red Woman for burning Shireen because I loved her? How harshly should I then condemn Dany for the same crime tens of thousands of times over? How harshly did I judge Stannis’ enablers for not stopping him? How harshly must I then judge Jon for not doing something, anything before Dany burned King’s Landing?

Dany stans justified every life she took before 8x05. I justified every life Jon had taken. No, there is no moral equivalence between those, but on Sunday, both committed wrongs that there is no justifying. Again, there is no moral equivalence between Dany’s actions and Jon’s inaction, but I realized my emotions as a Jon fan have been paralleling to a much subtler degree, Dany fans.

They are shrieking about bad writing and OOC behavior, and I have been saying much the same of Jon. But, maybe I was just as deluded as they were, believing what I want rather than paying attention to what I was seeing.

I thought the Battle of Winterfell was bad writing. I didn't think D&D were actually trying to tell us something about Jon, but maybe they were. Yes, his strength is uniting people, but if they are being led by the wrong person, it is meaningless to do so. As seen on Sunday, the wrong leader leads to madness.

The events of 8x05 may be the narrative punishment for Jon not taking up his crown with further spiraling yet to come, or, perhaps it was the rock bottom of him refusing his destiny and what we witnessed is what motivates him to rise up. We might see him well and truly defeated in the finale by what he has participated in, or he might take a stand.

Either way, I don't think this season has been the total destruction of his character I initially thought it was. I think what we’re seeing is writers allowing a hero to suffer the emotional and psychological impact of what he's been through. I wish they would let us experience it with him, I wish they would have give us more that a rare glimpse, but just because I wanted something different doesn't mean they weren't being purposeful.

I resent what they've done because they took my hero from me and gave me a broken man. That's too realistic for me to enjoy, and I wanted to enjoy this season, not suffer through it. I did not want my vision of a victorious hero thwarted for anything. And that’s when it hits me. This is why it hurts. I can either morally compromise myself to pretend like Jon wasn’t wrong, or I have to allow my hero to fall.

Many were upset by Jaime returning to Cersei because we bought into his version of himself as a man escaped from his captor. We thought he had become good. We wanted him to be with Brienne. Yet, how can we objectively say that staying with a new lover is the morally superior choice to trying to save the life of the woman who bore his children? The woman who was pregnant with his child? In falling from grace in the eyes of Braime shippers, Jaime made the right choice.

Jaime is a better person for having died trying to save Cersei than he would have been had he chosen to fulfill his own selfish desire to let her die alone. He wasn’t good enough for Brienne before, he certainly wouldn’t have been if he had let his child die without attempting to save it. In breaking the hearts of shippers and fans around the world, D&D (damn them for making me appreciate them after I decided I didn’t!) turned Jaime into a morally superior character in 8x05 than the Breaker of Chains. A guy who pushed a child from the window attempted to save life while our Khaleesi took it.

Just because we have a version of a character in our head and a path for them to follow, just because we know what we want and are upset when we don’t get it, doesn’t make it better. Jaime chose better for himself than we would have chosen for him. Shame on us for being so morally incompetent that we didn’t recognize it immediately. By leaving her and trying to rescue Cersei, Jaime was closer to deserving Brienne than he ever had been before.

Another surprise in the episode is that The Hound had more moral clarity than Arya. The Hound who murdered for a living became the voice of sanity when he told Arya that if she followed where he led she would only find death. He told her to choose life even when he couldn’t. Arya listened, she chose to put aside vengeance and preserve life rather than take it. And here, we, the audience had been cheering her quest for vengeance, only to then cheer on the new decision, because we are led by our emotions and dumber for it. The Hound had better morals than we did. THE HOUND.

Cersei, that power crazed woman was just another victim. The bells rang and Dany burned them all anyway. And all the Dany stans who are finding ways to excuse, rationalize, or simply crying out “character assassination” are just in denial. Your hero failed the test of basic humanity because she has always wanted to. Her first instinct has consistently been to burn and destroy, she’s just always happened to have someone holding her back before.

That’s not bad writing. That’s making your audience question what we’ve been accepting and reject what characters say about themselves and think critically about what we have witnessed with our own eyes. It’s mental torture, but it’s the right kind of subversive because there are threads we can find that were always going to lead us here.

Some of us had been condemning Cersei and cheering on a woman who was essentially doing the same things. We just didn’t recognize it because we didn’t want to. Because Dany was framed as a hero, and we all know Cersei is a villain, we didn’t stop and think about what Dany has been doing for years and ask if it was right.

Jon didn’t know as much about Dany as we did. Maybe he hadn’t heard of what Dany did before coming to Westeros. Perhaps he didn’t fully comprehend what happened during the loot train attack, but he saw her talking about wanting to burn the Red Keep in s7, he saw what dragons were capable of beyond the Wall and during the Battle for Winterfell, he heard his queen threaten Sansa’s life for the horrible crime of asking what they were going to feed the armies. And yet, he refused to ever question her.

I don’t know that he had a good alternative, but Varys chose to defy the queen and die rather than take part in her plans. Jon refused to help him. Was Jon being a fool or was he being cunning? I still don’t know, but either way, he stood by while an innocent man burned. Either way, he did nothing. Nothing is never the best you can do. Except, nothing is what humans do all the time. I was prepared for Jon to lie, to be sneaky, to outsmart and use people. I was not prepared for that. I wanted clean margins around my hero, and they didn't give them to me.

People wanted Jaime to kill Cersei because we all know she’s evil, never mind the fact that Jaime has done his fair amount of evil, never mind that she was carrying his child. We don’t mind evil, we just don’t want it to upset us. In our heads, murdering Cersei was fine, but hurting Brienne wasn’t. We accept the grey, the dishonorable, the bad, but only when it’s in line with what we want.

I wanted Jon to be darker this season than the Jon we’ve had before, but I wanted it to be in line with the hero’s journey. I wanted it to be justifiable. I didn’t want it to be in the form of a mistake. I didn’t want it to be him misjudging the character of his queen. I didn’t want it to be at the cost of the lives of countless children.

I was willing for Jon to stray from the hero’s pretty, pretty path just enough to make it interesting, not enough for it to matter. This was a detour I did not expect, that I can’t just ignore, and that is a brilliant move by the writers. Oh geez, I’ve just complimented D&D again. Someone save me!

Jon, no matter what he does next, is stained in blood. He can’t be the hero I wanted him to be, there is no erasing this mistake. I didn't want him to fall prey to a cult of personality, I didn't want him to be stupid. I still don't believe he’s a total idiot, but while I watched 8x05 I took notes and when I reviewed them, I sounded like two different people. One screaming at Jon for being a moron, the other entirely sympathetic because he didn't have a choice. Both views were guided by my emotions. Whether he fell in love and was in denial or if Pol Jon is true and he believed he had no choice, Jon was complicit.

Either because he allowed love to blind him, or desperation to take over, while I still have hope for him, I can't deny what I saw. I hated seeing Jon as he is now: a man made less than what he is. He isn’t the hero I had fabricated in my head. I didn’t even know I had done that, but I had. This isn’t what I wanted. It’s not how the story is supposed to go.

But it is how this story went.

I wanted the fairytale. I wanted Jon to be untouched by what Dany did. I wanted him to remain innocent. I didn’t want him to be weak. I didn’t want him to fall. I wanted him to be above this.

But on Sunday our heroes fell.

What happens when they fall?

We can deny, excuse, insist its solely bad writing, claim it’s OOC, or we can accept that we are simply upset because it isn’t what we wanted. The second step is to acknowledge that this is what it means to have morally grey characters. This is the realism in fantasy GoT has always been touted for, we just never had to suffer so much for it all at once. We never had to face the reality that our heroes aren’t pure goodness, our villains aren’t pure evil with such high stakes before. It’s one thing for Jon to miscalculate and be murdered by his men, it’s another for him to not prevent a city of people from burning alive.

The “grey character” idea only works if you still recognize good and evil. We can’t twist right and wrong to make sure our heroes are always in the clear. Grey characters does not mean we should be morally colorblind. It means that the good and bad still exist, but that both reside in each character and in each of us. We have to choose how to act, and in certain situations, we will wander closer to one side than the other. It’s saying, let’s make heroes falter and villains sympathetic and force ourselves to see ourselves in what we hate, and what we hate within ourselves.

We had seen the good side of Dany intermingled with the bad, but the bad emerged in an unprecedented way on Sunday, and suddenly now we know that how we had masked it was always about protecting our own feelings, not about understanding who that character was at her core. Some in the audience have found strength in Dany, and to see her fall tore at parts of themselves that she had impacted.

Jon is still lighter grey than Dany, but on Sunday, I saw a streak of something repugnant to me, something that is the natural fallout of Jon’s behavior all season, but I had been ignoring it. Before this season aired, I expected victorious Jon. Now I think, even if Jon survives, I don't know how he'll live.

It is shocking to me how much it hurts to let go of my delusions and think, this is it. This is what all those words I’ve been spouting off about complex characters mean, and now I have to accept it. I have to “Look the truth in the face” as Sansa says, and as silly as it is since it is a tv show, it genuinely hurts! To a certain as yet to be quantified amount, Tyrion and Jon refused to do this. To a greater extent, Dany stans refused to.

I refused to.

So, what do we do when our heroes fall?

We must choose to be heroic ourselves. We acknowledge the truth. No more complaints or excuses. Our heroes fell last Sunday because this is that story.

I mentioned in a previous answer that I had a general feeling of defeat this season, and I think this is why. Jon has been slipping off the pedestal, and I have been trying to keep him up there anyway. Whether Jon was a “Northern Fool” or unsuccessful “Political Jon,” he isn’t the man I wanted him to be. D&D emphatically knocked him off his hero perch Sunday. Silly to be so attached to keeping him there, but I was. Emotionally, I was depending on my hero to make it all better. Maybe the point is, there is no hero who can?

Dany climbed too high and fell too far. She isn’t coming back from this. In my eyes, Jon hasn’t. D&D just made him fallible. He made a grave error and thousands upon thousands of people paid for it. I thought he would rise up a hero and prevent this, but there was nothing in this season to indicate that he could or would, and when the time came, he didn’t. I didn’t expect to see consequences for his “My Queen” routine, heroes don’t usually suffer those, but it is right that Jon see where that leads. It is good that we see it.

I think that’s what I’ve been mourning. I wanted hero Jon, not human Jon. Seeing Jon stand there with Drogon over his shoulder while Varys burned was very upsetting. I couldn’t reconcile it with who I thought Jon was, but that’s because I was thinking in the traditional sense of hero. In other books and shows, that wouldn’t happen. But, Jon made a series of choices that led to his presence and inability to do anything at Sunday night’s slaughter. Based on his decisions this season, Jon’s fate of standing there while people were murdered was just as inevitable as Dany’s fate of being the one to burn them.

It is much harder on the audience to endure this kind of story, but GoT has never tried to be easy. I didn’t want this, but it’s okay to not always get what we want. It’s okay for the writers to crack my rose-colored glasses.

Regardless of my misconceptions, in spite of his mistakes, Jon is still Jon. I still have faith in him. He’s just not impervious to failure, and somehow, I had forgotten that. And, for the first time, I genuinely do not know what the cost of this will be. That’s why I am so disturbed. I don’t want Jon to suffer, but his inaction may require narrative punishment. Maybe what we witnessed is the only catalyst that would force him to do what he needs to do, but it may be his mental and emotional undoing.

I don’t want that. I am uneasy after this episode because for the first time, I am genuinely wondering if I was wrong all along. Maybe this story isn’t building up to Jon defeating all odds, maybe the odds defeat him. So, instead of insisting that the writers are wrong, I am wondering what story it is they are telling. Is this a story about what it takes to make a man who can survive the game? Is it about a man who refused to play the game and will therefore be punished? Is it about a man who tried to play the game and learns that there is no winning without losing? Is the point that there is no winning at all?

I don’t know anymore.

So, in this, I have sympathy for the other side of the fandom that has broken hearts this week. And it isn’t entirely because D&D made bad choices, wrote this season poorly, should have had a longer season. I am upset because I am not liking the story they are telling me. I am not sure that that is anyone’s problem but my own for not recognizing what this was from the beginning. I’m still hopeful, I don’t know what we will see in the finale, but I have to accept that my hero fell on Sunday, and I don’t know if he will get back up. He could, but it is possible that he won’t

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Fake dating begins!

Janis: Grace wants to buy you a coffee for being such a gent. Janis: If I was you I'd have a freebie black and charge it to her tab. Her and her cronies are in there enough, and it'll save you having to endure a frappe/her and said giggling gal pals. Jimmy: Me and her or a group hang with the BBs for the 'gram? Jimmy: 👍I did that last week and the one before Janis: Depends. She obvs wants alone time with you but she's never passed up a #goals photo-op in her life, so. Janis: Can't be freeing the nip on Insta but maybe she's got a private snapchat she wants to whore out, you'll be well in then 👍 Janis: Christ. Good to know not ALL her money goes on Brazilian blow-outs, she's also topping up the salary of every hot barista in town, what a philanthropist she is, amongst other less favourable titles. Jimmy: If you can be arsed to 3rd wheel this I'll shout you something from the secret menu Jimmy: Which exists swear down and isn't just a invite to my snapchat Jimmy: Why am I worried Brazilian blow outs is a way bigger euphemism any day Janis: Hmm. As much as I try to avoid spending ANY time with Grace, for obvious reasons as you well know, it could be pretty amusing to see her make such a twat out of herself. And it would piss her off if I gatecrashed...Fuck it, I'm in. Janis: Don't get any ideas about making some taboo twin content though, lad, that only happens in the minds of pervy porn execs, and in weird old lady novels from the 80s. Janis: Lol. Yeah, it ain't a Cavante special. Its to make her look MORE white, funnily enough. As if the coffee habits and UGGs weren't making her a literal meme for the cause already. Jimmy: I'd rather down a strawberry açaí refresher with coconut milk every time Grace makes a gaff, which funnily enough is what necking with your sister's tall mate tastes like, than get sandwiched between the two of you Jimmy: I'd shout her a flat white if she'd get the joke though. One for each of them Jimmy: 😩 Janis: OMG, girl code, Grace sooooo saw you first, Tammy is gonna be out on her flat white arse when Gracie finds out, like 💀 Janis: The feeling's mutual, dickhead. Wouldn't put it past my sister though, she's more obsessed with me than she'd EVER be with you. 🤢 At least she'll be moving on when you finally give in and give it to her, I've got a life fucking sentence, mate. ⚰ Jimmy: OMG Minnie (??? Isn't that her name maybe) launched herself at me first and I'd be out on my penniless arse if I'd let her crack on over the counter ⛔ Jimmy: I like my encounters with a little less ego it's no crime. Or slight on you, mate. Jimmy: I'll tell Gracie that if she ever lets me get a word in. Janis: Fuck knows. All look the same to me. Ironic if it is, though, fucking jolly green giantess. Janis: And soz but sexual assault ain't no crime either when you're them though, they're just being #girlbosses swear down garda 💋 Janis: Good luck with that one, kid. Even if she gives you the chance, she won't be listening. Fucks with the fairytale where you shut the fuck up and carry her bags 'cept to call her pretty once in a while for said ego's boost. 🙊🙉 Janis: oh, and look good in the 'gram, standard. Jimmy: Could be what the lads call her... whoops Jimmy: Damn. I'll have to spoil her fun by letting it be known I've got myself a girl already. 🎻 Shame it'll take me years to find one who can stand the interrogation 💔 Jimmy: Gotta get Cass to keep her ear low. Effort. Janis: The 'lad's' secret is safe with me, the 'girls' are hardly likely to listen and I'm even less likely to bother to tell 'em. She'd just think #pussygamestrong 'neway so I ain't giving the bint that unwarrant stroke when you've all already been there, done that. Sloppy. Janis: Woe is, lad. Like everyone ain't on your dick rn 'cos you got that shiny, new appeal. Just pick one that ain't TOTALLY unbearable- ah, I see your problem. Janis: Sadly, I can't help, I ain't the massive lezza you've no doubt heard from the lads and girls alike that I am. Janis: Slim pickings either way you swinging, you see. Jimmy: You can help me then. Go on. Think how mad it'd make Gracie if nuffin' else Jimmy: Counter distance between us at all times if you want Janis: Aside from pissing off my sister, which I'm more than capable of by me larry, what's in it for me? You get her off your dick and back into Costa to cry it out, like Jimmy: Freebies of any of Common Grounds finest where you can also hang without her and her hangers on Jimmy: Semi trained mutt if I can wrench it from my sisters grasping hands? Jimmy: Plus an end to the rumors if you're arsed about that. You said yourself I've got the newbie appeal Janis: Alright, alright, you had me at dog! Janis: I won't deprive your sister but I could do with an AM running partner who can keep up. I'll wear it out and have it back to you at the end of your morning shift, before she's even had her weetabix or found her school tie. Deal? Janis: I'm down for writing our own rumours, why the fuck not, eh Jimmy: Done. Her name's Twix and she's as annoying as the name makes her sound. Jimmy: Get ready for rumors about how many bodies she's buried for you after all the holes dug Janis: Cute. And I'm sure I've dealt with worse bitches, I'm up for the challenge. 💪 Janis: Its always the dog walkers init, suspicious cunts. Jimmy: Yeah, and if you wanna bury a few of 'em yourself I'll keep my lips sealed Jimmy: Tomorrow too soon? Janis: Good man, you will if you know what's good for you. Janis: Though, not too sealed, gotta set this dump's/my sister's world alight, like, and I don't think that's happening if we just hold hands. 😲 Janis: Nah, I'm ready. Only thing I got scheduled is double chem and that can always do with livening up. Janis: How you wanna do this, lover boy? Jimmy: Point taken. I better work on my angles too. For the 'gram. Jimmy: With minimal cliches if that can even be a thing round 'ere Jimmy: Probably wouldn't believe it without 100s would they Janis: You best, I don't know how to work facetime, you've got the wrong twin there. Janis: Well, I could oh-so casually ask Grace if her and the bitch squad are going for coffee on the way home from hell (as if they don't every fucking day) and she will be buzzin' thinking I wanna come 'cos she's always asking/attempting to drag me like she's on a mission from the coffee bean gods Janis: Then we can be there, together, oh-so casually again Janis: Aside from sucking face on the playground (which is a little first school, even for these hoes) its the best way to get max attention and thus the rumour mill will do the rest Jimmy: Make sure Tall Tammy's at the back. Can't have Grace missing it Jimmy: See if you can get one of them to spill coffee on you too. Everyone loves a heroic gesture and a clothes share 😏 Janis: 😂 Brilliant. Janis: Assuming Grace doesn't straight up throw it at me, I'll be sure to make that happen. Janis: I'll probably come chat to you at lunch tomorrow too. Can't have this springing out of nowhere, like, how implausible! 😏 You hang with Sean Bryne and that atm, yeah? Jimmy: Yeah we'll be in the smoking spot if not our usual corner Jimmy: I'll slide into the seat beside you the period after make it look like we got it really bad 💘 Janis: 👍 twos up on the ☠ 🚬 then, lad. what could be more romantic? Janis: good thinking, grace is in that class too and she's hopeless with maths so she won't be paying the slightest bit of attention to anything but the absolute scandal Jimmy: What should I call you so you don't wanna punch me in the dick as soon as I go in for a pet name? Janis: Eurgh, good shout, even if it is just to save your own bollocks, can't blame a boy. I don't fucking know, what's not vomit-inducing but also #couplegoals enough to make it worth the hassle? Janis: Blah, just remember my name, yeah, that'll have 'em creaming. Such courtesies are not often extended their way, like. Jimmy: Deal. And I'll # everything #JJ so you can block it from your feed easy Janis: Solid. Janis: Imma take a picture with your dog tomorrow, it best be fucking cute. Jimmy: [Takes a selfie with Twix and sends it] Do you? Jimmy: Not my #goals but should spark jealousy with the intended Janis: Cute. Janis: The dog ain't bad either. 😉 Janis: I'm getting in practice Jimmy: I'll do mine in the comments when it's posted Jimmy: How keen is cringe in the eyes of Gracie and her friends? Janis: You're asking a mouthful there. If you're too nice, they'll say you're boring. But they've gotta at least pretend they're feminists in this day and age so if you are too full of the bants and low-key treating me like shit, they're gonna have to pretend they ain't here for that even though that's every boyf they've ever had, na'mean? Janis: Just say something confusingly inappropriate for what is not gonna be a hot pic, isn't that how you lads do? Janis: I'll set you up with a lame caption Jimmy: Thanks. There's back room access in it for you Jimmy: Again not a private snapchat invite Janis: Steady on there, not until the 3rd date, at least! 😂 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Seriously though. You're not as much of a bitch as everyone says. Nice one. Janis: Well, don't be spreading that backhander about, will ya? Janis: You've got a rep to make, that's a bit of mine I'd like to protect Jimmy: 🤐