#(if you welcome her to the normandy nicely) is that it means a lot coming from someone who’s won the star of terra. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

clericofshadows · 2 years ago

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your name means traitor

Description: Regis boards the Normandy SR-2, makes his stance on Cerberus clear to the crew--new and old--and learns some information about his resurrection. He also reads through the dossiers and finally gets a little bit of good news in his trapped situation.

Pairing: Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko, Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko/Zaeed Massani (past)

Rating: M

Notes: Regis is one angry bastard in this fic, and honestly, he's like that through the entirety of ME2. So, he's not the most pleasant person in this fic, and targets many different characters in his anger.

Context: Regis talks about his dogtags a lot in this fic. for extra context, check out these fics: late night conversations and you got me in a chokehold.

Cerberus revived the Butcher, so they were going to get the Butcher, his fangs bared and talons sharpened.

Because the Butcher doesn't play nice when he feels threatened, and Cerberus is about to find out exactly how ruthless he could be. How relentless he can be in his rage. How far he will go to never bow down.

Even if it meant dying in such a way that there's no coming back next time.

Regis will give them exactly what they deserve. Losing his humanity in the process is just a price he's willing to pay.

Because Kaidan isn't here to bring him back from the brink.

He sneered at Lawson once they made it to the CIC, after she and Taylor got him up to speed at all the new features on the Normandy. "This is my goddamn ship, and no one else's. Get ready for my announcement. And we'll see if their loyalties truly lie with me. Because if they don't? I'll welcome them to the airlock."

"Acting like this isn't going to make the situation better. You should want all the allies you can get,” Lawson said.

Regis laughed sharply. "Then you don't know me at all. You wanted Commander Shepard? Well, you're also getting the Butcher of Torfan. Should've thought of that before you wielded your scalpel." He pushed back with a bit of biotic power, causing her to stumble and stepped up on the pedestal to the galaxy map.

EDI was the only thing on this ship he was willing to work with, if only because he was so fascinated by AI. Cerberus likely knew that and was going to exploit it, but he couldn't deny the allure.

"EDI, open the comms for an announcement."

"Go ahead, Commander."

He cleared his throat. "I will make this clear only once. I am Commander Shepard, you will all refer to me as such. This is my ship. Not Cerberus's, not Lawson's, mine. If you have a problem with that, you are welcome to leave. I was brought here against my will, and being here is against everything I stand for as a Spectre and as a soldier to the Alliance. I find all of you to be the scum of the Earth, of the fucking galaxy, for choosing this as your ultimate path. I am here for one job only, and that is to deal with this threat any way possible. And if that means tearing down your organization in the process and turning myself and all of you into the Alliance the moment I get a chance? I'll do it in a fucking heartbeat." He crossed his arms, observing the looks of all the crew members in the CIC, seeing varied expressions. Some angry, some wide-eyed with fear. The Yeoman next to him almost seemed to shudder when his gaze landed on her.

He knew he looked inhuman. The red eyes, the deep scars laced with cybernetics, unexpected side effects of whatever they did to bring him back.

He is the result of what happens when you play God.

"I fought and killed members of your organization two years ago for your heinous crimes you committed against your own species. Experiments with Rachni, Thresher Maws, and assassination plans against Alliance brass. Don't think I'll discriminate if I think any of you are a threat to me. This is my mission, and I will carry it out as I see fit. You've bastardized my memory and my ship, and I'll be damned if I don't ensure you all know how far I'm willing to go to get what I want. Again, you have a problem? Get the fuck off my ship. Return to your duties. I don't want to see anyone slacking off. With me here, this is a military operation, not some civilian private sector bullshit." He stepped down from the galaxy map and nearly made it to the elevator, but the Yeoman next to him stopped him.

"Commander, I--"

He cut her off. "I don't want to hear it. I can handle my own communications and messages. Don't make me upload a hack to ensure you can't get your claws in my shit. Stick to your galaxy map monitoring duties, and we won't have any problems."

"I was just going to say I'm here if you want to talk. I'm Kelly Chambers."

"Talk?" He scoffed. "I'm not talking to anyone who's Cerberus. Why the hell would I ever think you would respect confidentiality?"

Regis didn't wait for a reply. She seemed to shrink in on herself, clearly not anticipating his response.

In another life, he would've felt guilty.

No more.

Cerberus ensured that Regis Shepard would never be the same man ever again.

Lawson joined him on the elevator before it closed. "You should know that no one is going to leave."

He pressed the button for the third deck. "I didn't expect anything different. I wanted them to know my feelings on the matter. I'm an open book like that."

"Even towards your old crew?"

He raised an eyebrow. "They're now Cerberus crew, aren't they? Joining for me doesn't change anything."

The elevator doors opened. They stepped off.

"After I make my rounds on the ship, we're going to have a long talk about my resurrection, Lawson. If you really want me to be a part of this mission without turning in this ship to the Alliance, then maybe you should be forthcoming with the details," Regis said, crossing his arms.

He fully planned on going straight to the Citadel to talk to Anderson, but something told him that meeting will probably not end in his favor. Time will tell, but Regis wasn't going to be optimistic.

None of his meetings with Anderson has ever really ended "well" in his opinion.

"I think you deserve to know that much," she admitted.

A far cry from her "cold bitch" attitude back on the station. Regis almost wanted to loosen up a bit.

Nothing about her behavior seemed like an act at this point. She genuinely wanted to work with him.

It's a shame he doesn't want to give her the same courtesy.

"Then I hope whatever you tell me is the complete truth." Regis ended the conversation by heading towards the medbay.

Whatever she told him was likely never going to be the full truth, but he had to know.

He had to know what they did to him.

Next, Chakwas...

Two members of his crew decided Cerberus was a good idea, and he couldn't fathom why.

He didn't deserve that level of die-hard loyalty. If he did, he did something wrong. After everything they saw, all the reports he made, they still joined the organization that willingly hunted down Alliance soldiers and brass.

The doors to the medbay slid open. Chakwas was sitting at her desk. "Shepard." She stood up. "It's good to see you alive after everything."

Regis chose to not take the hand she offered. "I would say the same, but I'd rather not consider my situation good in any way whatsoever."

She sighed. "Then it's about Cerberus."

"Why did you think joining them was in any way a good idea? After everything we saw?" Regis asked, crossing his arms.

"After the Normandy was lost, everyone was reassigned. I was stationed at a medical center on Mars. A respectable position, but not a starship," she explained.

Regis narrowed his eyes. "So you threw everything away for a starship position?"

"I'm working for you, Shepard. Not Cerberus. A mission that could be crucial for our survival," she said, not rising to his bait. "I trust your dealings with Cerberus will be ethical. I trust you."

Regis shook his head, sitting down on one of the beds. "And can you verify with one-hundred percent certainty that you're dealing with me, and not some Cerberus puppet? How do you know that Cerberus won't do something to me or to you or to anyone we care for to get what they want? They don't give a single damn about humans, they just care about themselves and their image."

She stared down at him. "I’d say your anger is proof enough. Everything changed after your death. I chose the option that will help all of us. Don't tell me you would rather have some Cerberus doctor taking care of you?"

"Well, the person who resurrected me is across the damn hall. You tell me."

"I've been looking into what they did to bring you back," she admitted. "But most of it I don't have access to."

"I made a deal with Lawson. She's going to tell me everything. I'll make sure you get access."

"Do you trust that she'll tell you everything?"

Regis laughed. "Hell no. For her sake I hope she does. If I find out something out in the field that she could've told me? It's not going to end well for her."

"You've changed since the Normandy."

"Well, I'm a medical abomination trapped in the claws of a terrorist organization. They wanted Commander Shepard? They're getting the man that ordered the Torfan decision." Regis stood up from the bed. "Let me know if you need anything."

She nodded. "Before you go, there might be a way to remove those scars."

Regis caught his reflection in the window. Angry red lines cracked across his face. Glowing red pupils blending in with his own altered red irises.

"No. Let them see what they did to me."

"I'll be here if you change your mind, but I know with your experience, we might be able to make something good out of it instead of removing it outright."

Hell, she has a point. With his cybernetics background, he could probably channel the glow into something else. Something less cracked and scarred and more of an aesthetic choice.

Something to decide later.

Chakwas was always a steady presence. All the anger he had about her joining up mostly dissipated with her attitude about the matter. She let him be angry, and she let him treat her like he would treat any other Cerberus operative.

He still can't feel like he can fully trust her.

There's no way in hell Cerberus won't exploit his allies.

He explored the ship some more, learning all its new nooks and crannies, barely acknowledging the Cerberus crew that now wandered the halls of his ship.

He's not here to make friends.

His quarters were the worst part of the tour. The glass window above his bed, showing the dark expanse of space, taunted him.

They knew how he died.

They knew what became his grave.

He slammed his hand on the shutters, willing it to close faster.

His locker was filled with his favorite clothing. Turtlenecks, long coats, dark fatigues, boots and jeans. He tossed the Cerberus branded stuff into a corner, vowing to compact the trash in the lower decks later.

The familiarity caused him to shudder. They knew everything about him, but some things hit too close to home.

The photo on his desk nearly made him sick.

It was of Regis and Kaidan clothed in their armors, but instead of them wearing their usual scarves--Regis’s black and red, Kaidan’s blue and white--they were swapped. Their foreheads were touching, a calm moment before the drop down to Illos.

Tali was the one who took the photo, sharing it amongst the ground crew. None of them would've given up the picture. Kaidan, Ashley, Tali, Wrex, T'Soni.

Unless Cerberus recovered his omnitool, which was unlikely. The one in the armor locker back on the station was a piece of shit base model. And the one sitting on his desk was an updated version of his favored Logic Arrest.

Which meant they also didn't recover his dog tags, if they were nowhere to be found in his cabin.

That loss almost hit the hardest. That damn ring.

I should've just given it to Kaidan. Fuck fairytale proposals.

Regis turned the photo away from him. He rubbed his face, trying to get rid of the nausea.

Maybe diving into those dossiers would be a good idea right now. Something to distract him.

As he reached over to turn on his terminal, he received a ping on his omnitool.

A comm request from Joker.

“Got a minute, Commander?” Joker asked, after Regis accepted his comm request. Sitting at his desk, staring at the empty fish tank—what an ostentatious piece of shit—wondering what decision he made got him here on this fucking ship.

Accepting the Normandy, of course. He should have never acquiesced to Anderson’s and the Alliance’s demands. He could’ve been happy at Rio, enjoying his time with the N recruits, finding more ways to advocate for better training regimens for biotics.

He wondered if anything ever came from his suggestions. New N programs, new ways to train biotics recruits, new accelerated ways for biotics to gain ground in the Alliance… without him to speak up, who would?

But knowing what he knows now? Knowing that Kaidan would have likely been the one to suffer the beacon’s visions if he didn’t push him away?

Regis wasn’t too sure if he liked the thought of that outcome either, especially without being by his side.

“Come on up,” Regis replied, shutting down the link after responding.

This conversation is not going to be a good one.

A few minutes later, a knock sounded on his door. With a wave of his omnitool, he allowed Joker to come inside.

“They really tricked out the place, huh. Swanky crib you got here,” Joker commented, walking over to the couch.

“I think it’s utter bullshit,” Regis said, getting up from the desk to lean against the dumb fish tank. “Another way to think that I’m in a better place or some kind of manipulative crap. I hate it.”

“You know, you could really lighten up a bit. I think you’ve already scared half the crew to death with that announcement of yours. Especially Chambers.” Joker said with a laugh, but quickly stopped after seeing the dark look on Regis’s face. “Uh, sorry.”

“It’s because I don’t want to be here, Joker. Did you really think I was going to accept having a nosy green yeoman getting all up in my business at the CIC?” Regis asked. “Chambers is just one more way to report on every little move I make to the Illusive Man. She should be happy I haven’t decided to strand her with nothing when we get to the Citadel.”

“What’s next, you kick me off the ship?” Joker asked, crossing his arms. When Regis didn’t immediately respond, he held up his arms in surrender. “Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood.”

“What is this really about?” Regis asked. “As you can see, I’m really not in the mood, so spit it out.”

“Do you blame me for what happened?” Joker asked in a startling amount of seriousness.

Regis tilted his head to the side. “Do you blame yourself? Is that why you joined Cerberus?”

“Just answer my question, Shepard!” He balled his hands into fists.

“Fine. The only thing I blame you for is joining Cerberus. I don’t give a single fuck about how you supposedly did it for me, and thinking they were any kind of answer to your current problems was a betrayal to me and all the victims of their experiments that we discovered. Be happy we’re even having this conversation. You did what you thought was right back on my ship, but then again, you thought joining Cerbreus was a good idea. I don’t know if I can even trust your future judgment,” Regis said, staring Joker down.

Perhaps he was being too harsh, but at this point, Regis didn’t care.

It doesn’t matter that Joker was with him on the Normandy. Regis was never close with the man, never meshing well with his attitude and sense of humor. They butted heads more often than not, especially about matters surrounding the ship.

"If we're ever in a situation where it's you or the ship, choose yourself. I know you're a talented pilot, but I also know you can recognize when it's gone FUBAR. Abandon ship the moment you can while also keeping the crew safe." Regis said to him early on their Saren mission. "My piloting skills will be the only thing that saves our asses if we end up in that kind of situation. I'm the pilot. You trust my judgment." "I grew up learning how to pilot shuttles and ships, Moreau. I grew up hearing similar disaster situations on all the ships my mother served on. This is an order. You listen to my disaster plans, and we won't have a problem."

Joker opened his mouth to reply, his expression twisting with anger, but Regis beat him to it. "I know you remember that argument we had about what to do if we have to abandon ship. I've run all the scenarios in my head, and guess what, I remember everything that happened up to the moment I died suffocating in space. Maybe what you did saved more of the crew. Maybe what you did was the right thing. But we will never know, and you have to live with the fact that you defied my orders when you could've saved yourself."

"You're right, we will never know, but it doesn't matter, does it? We're here now, but you aren't going to thank anyone for the chance you've been given," Joker replied. "You're acting like a fucking child. How is that helpful to any of us? I'm sure if Alenko was here you'll be getting on your knees for his oh-so-great decision. And you would be besties with Williams if she was here too!"

Regis kept his face neutral, but if another biotic was in the room with him, they would feel his field about to roar to life. "Moreau," he said, "get the fuck out of my quarters."

"You aren't denying it! Regis Lucian Shepard, Butcher of Torfan and a hypocrite."

Regis activated his omnitool to open the doors remotely. He raised his voice, his field roaring to life in a bright violet glow. Moreau flinched back.

"I said, get the fuck out of my quarters! And for your information, Kaidan and Ashley would've never joined Cerberus because they were there for every goddamn mission we did unearthing their crimes. I'd be treating them the same way I'm treating everyone on this fucking ship if they did sacrifice their morals to be here." Regis shouted. "Sure, I can excuse your bullshit jokes, but you've crossed the fucking line. You see that picture over there.” He pointed at the photo frame on the desk. “You remember that picture being taken?”

He nodded, swallowing.

“And that’s why I’m so fucking angry. That’s why I would rather space myself again than be on this ship. But I can’t do that, now can I? Because Lawson and Cerberus will just bring me right back again, except this time, with a new way to control me!”

Regis let his biotics rest, leaving only a faint glow around this body, his eyes rimmed with deep purple.

Moreau silently stood up and walked over to the door. "I joined Cerberus for you and only you," he said, standing next to the elevator.

If that was his way of apologizing, he was doing a shit job of it.

"I wouldn't call that loyalty by any stretch of the imagination. It shows you didn't know me," Regis replied. He sat back down at his desk, his back turned to the door.

He was done with this conversation.

The doors opened and closed with a soft sound, and Regis let out a deep breath.

Leaning back in his chair, Regis ran his hand down his face. Fuck.

That's a bridge that will never be rebuilt anytime soon. He crossed the line when he went there about his relationship with Kaidan.

Regis wasn't about to apologize anytime soon either.

His gaze went back to the photo.

He should contact him, and he should log in to his personal server and send a message. But that photo made him pause.

Cerberus knows what Kaidan is to him, and if they found out about communications between them?

Regis wasn't willing to put Kaidan in danger, even if it means Kaidan finds out about his resurrection from another source.

The Alliance knows, likely thanks to footage from Freedom's progress. The Citadel and Council will know the moment he steps through security, if they don’t already.

But all they will see is Regis walking out of a ship emblazoned with Cerberus colors, and it made him sick.

The terminal sitting in front of him pinged with a new message. This time from Lawson.

Whenever you're ready, come to my office. We'll talk there.

He should start working on those dossiers, but the knowledge of his resurrection was far more important to him than this mission.

He sent a short reply. "I'm coming down now."

– –

He sat down at Lawson's desk. "Send me the files first." He ordered, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his legs.

"Surely you want to hear about it first?" She asked, but made a move on her terminal all the same.

"The files are more important to me. I'm not some dumb Jarhead. I'll be able to understand the documents just fine," he replied. "Surely you know about my degrees?"

"Yes. Cybernetics and biotic implants. Research into VI. And yet you joined the Alliance, doing none of those things," she commented. His omnitool pinged with the transfer. "There."

Regis was working to use those credentials with his biotic program, curating research and evidence to make training better, both standard and N style.

Very few cared about the plight of human biotics. But Regis wanted to make a difference, no matter how small it was.

His L2 implant ensured he had to care.

He glanced at them, scanning them with one of his programs, looking for any malicious code. Nothing obvious came up, but he'll break them down later.

He nodded, confirming the status of the files. "Now, tell me everything."

She outlined the details of his resurrection, starting with the status of his body.

"When we received your corpse, we immediately got to work designing cybernetic implants to repair your skeleton, to regenerate and reconstruct your skin, and to begin reconstructing your organ systems. I'm afraid Taylor put it in a crude way, but 'meat and tubes' was an unfortunate descriptor of your situation," she said, lacing her fingers together on her desk.

Regis wasn't shocked at the news. He kept his expression blank. "And the state of my armor?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, pausing with a confused expression on her face. "Why does that matter?"

"You've reconstructed me damn near perfectly, even down to my damn scars, piercings, and tattoos. Hell, I kept expecting to see some fucked line work on my flowers and chest tats especially. What I do care about is what personal effects I lost. My omnitool with my last will and rites, among other things, and my Alliance dog tags," Regis explained, barely refraining from rolling his eyes.

"It was in such a sad state. We retrieved nothing of yours that was intact," she said.

Regis raised an eyebrow. "Really? I know the hard suits aren't perfect, and I died in one spectacular fashion. But you didn't retrieve anything of the sort? Who handled my body? Who got it to you in the first place?"

"You don't care at all about what we did to you. All you care about is what you lost," she said, narrowing her eyes.

True. The documents were enough for him. Keeps him from wanting to biotically blast her across the room for defying his right to death.

For defying his right to be buried with his father.

"You’re right. I don't really give a fuck about all the sordid details. That's what those files are for. No, I care about what has been done to me. And that includes everything that was on my person when I died," Regis spat. "So I’ll ask again, and this time, I'll make it really clear. Who. Handled. My. Body."

Her face remained blank. "Would it really change anything? We received a corpse with charred armor that has long since been destroyed. You are proof enough that we cared to bring you back as you were, even your L2 implants were kept the same."

Regis leaned back in the chair. "Maybe not, but I cared a lot about those things. Don't you think there's a goddamn reason why I keep pressing you on it? Clearly you're not an idiot if you were able to do the impossible. I want names, Lawson."

"You think you were looted before we were able to officially recover you?" She asked.

"Was I?" He fired back. "I wouldn't be surprised if I was. I'm Commander Shepard, hero of the goddamn Citadel, Butcher of Torfan, and the First Human Spectre. I'm a fucking celebrity. Or else why would you have revived me? I'm important."

She pursed her lips. “The Illusive Man believes in your visions. He saw you as the key to helping humanity.”

“Ah, so his wants are greater than mine? Who gives a fuck about one man’s feelings when he can save us all? Nice phrasing there, really shows who you care about,” Regis mocked.

“I’m merely repeating his reasons for us creating the Lazarus project in the first place. I was under orders.”

“And here I thought Cerberus wasn’t a military organization. No, you just wanted to prove you could defy all known laws and resurrect a long dead man,” Regis said. “Stop trying to convince myself that what you all did to me was out of some duty because you care.”

She opened her mouth to reply, but Regis cut her off. “Honestly, whatever you’re going to say is going to piss me off more. Just give me the fucking names of who brought me in.”

“It must be so exhausting being so angry,” she said. “Eventually, you’ll have to learn to work with us. Or are you going to run in and recruit everyone for this mission on your own?”

He has half a mind to do exactly that. Surely, she knew about his service history. Solo missions in between his stint as a trainer for the N program and other biotics.

Despite being a biotic, he was one hell of an infiltrator, able to reign in his field to a point where it was very difficult for other biotics to sense him. A high level of control to make sure you almost never intersect with anyone else's field. He made sure that Kaidan knew how to do it as well, the one thing Regis considered himself better at biotically.

Regis chuckled without mirth. “Exhausting? No. You brought back Regis Shepard. You’re getting exactly who you wanted. Why, did you think I’ll be getting on my knees, praising Cerberus for bringing me back? Stop trying to portray yourselves as the misunderstood good guys who are only trying to help humanity.”

“If what you say is true, those were likely splinter groups. Cerberus operates in separate cells," she said. “And for your information, I thought this whole project was a waste of precious resources, but the Illusive Man wanted you alive.”

Interesting. Doesn’t quite change his opinion of her, but he respected her some for even admitting that.

Still, she kept digging her heels in whenever he tried to tell her off Cerberus's deeds during the Saren mission.

Regis couldn't fathom why. They clearly knew a lot about him. They must've gotten their hands on his mission reports.

Cerberus was an active threat then, and now, Regis was more than a little worried about their obvious scope.

“And I’m sure you had objections for how he wanted me alive. Let me guess: You wanted a way to control me,” Regis observed.

“Yes, I wanted to put a control chip in you, but the Illusive Man wanted you exactly as you were,” she admitted.

She almost seemed to brace herself for something, the way she moved her hands off her desk and leaned back.

Regis didn’t give her the satisfaction. Even if he wanted to give her a taste of what he felt while he was dying in space.

He wasn’t looking forward to getting some sleep as his nightmare became true two years ago.

Yet it feels like it happened yesterday all the same.

"Well, at least you admitted it to me," Regis said, watching as she slowly let her guard down. "But it proves that I was right and still right to not trust you or anyone else on this ship, if you were willing to go that far to use me for your gains."

"And you are proving to me that I was right to have those concerns for our well-being," she fired back.

Regis smirked. There's that fire he was waiting for. "Sounds like quite the sore spot. What do you want me to say, really? Oh, I'm so sorry you lost the right to control another human being. Boo-fucking-hoo."

She narrowed her eyes. "This conversation is leading nowhere. You're wasting your own time."

"I don't consider this a waste of my time at all," Regis said, reveling in the fact that he was likely waiting her time. "But, since you haven't rescinded your offer of information, let's go back to that Cerberus cell comment you made. You're saying you keep your projects isolated?"

She cleared her throat. "If it keeps you here, I'll answer your questions. Yes, each project is its own cell. I was part of the Lazarus Cell. And so, the cell that recovered you is not something I'm privy to. Even if it was, Cerberus changes the location and status of some of its operatives all the time," she said. "I can't help you."

Regis frowned. "Fine. But perhaps it is a good thing, because I’d have to pause your little mission to hunt them down and take what you didn’t retrieve for me. I don’t believe my personal effects were so easily lost.”

Before she could reply, Regis held up his omnitool. "I'm going to read over the files. Make yourself available for questions. And if there's anything about my resurrection that you didn't tell me, no matter how fucking small or innocuous it might seem, don't think I won't take it lying down."

She looked him in the eyes. “You have my word, even if to you that might mean nothing."

Regis stood up. "You're absolutely right, your word means shit to me.”

He walked out of her office without hearing her response.

The trek back to his quarters was short, but it still gave him time to think about what he learned.

Perhaps he should have spent more time listening to her account right at that moment.

But finding out who handled his body will be his ultimate goal on this mission.

Regis wanted them to burn for desecrating his memory and for keeping him hostage away from his family.

As he sat back down at his desk, he had a feeling she wasn't telling him everything. Why would she? And yet, what does she have to gain by keeping whoever handled his body to himself?

Who is she protecting? Or maybe she sees it as a way of keeping him from getting distracted. He made it clear what he wanted out of that conversation.

Something he'll try to press on later.

It's unlikely he'll actually make good on his threats, but for all intents and purposes, none of the Cerberus crew on this ship really knew who he was, only going off of reports and vids and whatever else they were able to find on him.

They don't know the man behind the titles. and he was going to use that to his advantage.

He opened up the dossiers list, looking through the people Cerberus wanted him to recruit.

A master thief by the name of Kasumi Goto, who is waiting for him at the Citadel. Stealth, infiltration, and hacking–all skills of his that he values in others.

He looked forward to hearing how she ended up in this mess.

A salarian scientist by the name of Mordin Solus, who was also with the STG. Cerberus is even recruiting aliens? Must be desperate, knowing their stance.

A convict by the name of Jack, who is supposedly the most powerful human biotic. A criminal, by the looks of things. He wondered why Cerberus needed someone like her, someone likely unstable and worked for only herself.

He'd have to see how his abilities compared to hers. He and Kaidan were often known by the Alliance as their most powerful biotics. What makes her different? He wanted to know.

A warlock by the name of Dr. Okeer. A krogan scientist. Another alien. Regis raised an eyebrow, remembering a few conversations he had with Wrex. A rarity.

No wonder Cerberus wanted someone like him.

He doubted that Okeer and Solus would get along.

Next, someone by the name of Archangel. Regis rolled his eyes at the name, but the dossier itself was suspiciously blank compared to the others. No real name and a vague location.

Finally, the one titled "The Veteran."

Regis opened it and blinked once he saw the name, making sure he read it correctly.

Zaeed Massani, hired by Cerberus.

He couldn't help but laugh at the note that said how expensive his services were.

Yet, Regis knew Zaeed wasn't an idiot. He kept an ear close to the ground. He had to have known what Cerberus really was.

So why was he part of these dossiers?

He'll have to be careful. He trusts Zaeed. Trusted him with things only Kaidan knows and has seen.

Maybe Moreau was right. He really is a fucking hypocrite.

Because he couldn't wait to get to Omega and get that man on board. As selfish as it was, Regis really wanted him back by his side, even if they were just friends.

Regis closed his eyes as he thought back to his and Kaidan's leave on Omega. Three–no, five now–years ago.

Sandwiched between them after they had taken turns with him, Regis relished in the feeling of being fucked out by two gorgeous men, one who had been by his side for years, the other a temporary lover Regis wanted so much more with. Kaidan pecked his lips with a sweet little kiss. "How are you feeling, love?" He asked, checking over him with a loving gaze. "Good. Sore, but that's to be expected," he rasped out. He cleared his throat. "But I like it that way." "I know you do." "You two have a good thing going on," Zaeed grumbled from behind him, a tattooed arm wrapped around Regis's body. "But I'm also a goddamn gentleman. It's been a while someone has let me be that rough with them." Regis turned to face the mercenary. "I'm fine, I promise. I can handle it." Zaeed pressed a kiss on his forehead. "That you can, Alliance. Next time, don't hold back on your biotics. Both of you. Ain't my first rodeo." "So sure about a next time," Kaidan teased. "But we can get a little, uh, wild with our fields. Comes with our implants." "Right, you two must be from the second gen? No wonder your biotics were so strong out in the field. Thought I was fighting with Matriarch commandos out there," Zaeed said, starting to trace patterns on the tattoos on Regis's chest. He shivered at the contact. "It has its benefits," Regis said. "I'm sure it does," Zaeed said. "I got a bathtub big enough for the three of us back there. Join me." Kaidan grinned. "Of course. Regis?' "As long as you two pamper me, I'm alright with that."

But without Kaidan with him, Regis wasn't about to make a move.

Even if he craved the touch of another.

His fingers itched, reaching out for a pack of cigarettes that were nowhere to be found.

Regis knows what he's going to pick up when he gets to Omega.

First, he'll deal with the Citadel. Talk with Anderson, recruit Goto, and see if the new council would be willing to talk with him.

And then, Omega.

Regis wasn't looking forward to whatever was waiting for him at the Citadel, but he hoped to get answers.

And to find out where Kaidan and Ashley ended up.

He didn't want them on the ship, but he needed to know they were okay. That they flourished in the Alliance.

That they moved on without him by their sides.

He wasn't holding his breath, however. The moment he shows up in a Cerberus ship will seal his fate. He's almost certain he'll be stonewalled.

But he wouldn't deny the Spectre position if it was offered back to him, despite not wanting it in the first place.

He could hear it now, Regis Shepard, a traitor to the Alliance, to humanity, and to the Council!

Regis never felt so lost, so out of control, until now.

He hoped that he can regain some semblance of control fast.

#mass effect #regis shepard #mshenko #cleric's writing #not tagging all the characters for this fic #and i'll post this on ao3 later #i do love miranda but at the moment regis does not lol #mass effect fanfiction

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todisturbtheuniverse · 4 years ago

Text

FIC: Braced

Rating: G Fandom: Mass Effect Trilogy; Mass Effect 1 Pairing: Female Shepard/Tali’Zorah nar Rayya Tags: Pre-Relationship Word Count: 1200 Summary: Tali had wanted in on Shepard's mission. She just hadn't expected Shepard to welcome her aboard without reservations. Also on AO3. Notes: I've been getting back into Mass Effect with Legendary (like everyone else), and thinking about these two this time around.

Already, Tali loved the Normandy.

After everything—running, and hiding, and losing Keenah—she'd had just enough time on the Citadel to begin to feel homesick. Trailing Shepard to the Citadel Tower, she'd peered through the crowd and seen none of her own people. And the station had a noise to it, a pulse, but it was nothing like the sound of the Flotilla, all the subtle clunks and clanks and hisses that marked the ships' ages. She'd felt very much the intruder, walking through the belly of a beast so great that it didn't notice her at all.

But the Normandy abated that, somewhat. It certainly didn't have the same weathering as the Flotilla, but there was still something about it. Maybe it was just that she was allowed to know the ship—that rather than cast her back into the cargo hold, Adams had given her an impromptu tour and talked enthusiastically with her for a while before going back to his duties.

"Surprised you're still up," Shepard's voice said from somewhere behind her.

Tali couldn't help that she flinched a little, startled by Shepard's sudden appearance. She hoped that Shepard was still feeling benevolent. It was hard to tell by her voice alone; Tali didn't have a lot of experience with humans.

She'd expected to have to beg to be allowed to come along. Not on her knees, maybe, but she'd been sure that Shepard would want more proof of her abilities, evidence that she would be an asset, not a liability. That was how others viewed her people: an undue strain on even a multispecies crew, needy. She'd expected to have to prove that the extra resources they'd spend on her would be worth it.

But after the hearing, she'd understood. Shepard was short on allies. She couldn't afford to turn away help, from any quarter.

"My day-night cycle is still messed up from the Citadel, I guess," Tali said, closing out of the diagnostic she'd been examining.

"Which part?" Shepard asked, stepping up to the console alongside her, but she didn't look at Tali or try to scrutinize what she'd been working on; she gazed up at the drive core instead, the soft blue light playing across her strange, alien face. "The running and hiding and being shot at, or the general city-that-never-sleeps atmosphere?"

"It wasn't so much being shot at," Tali said, deflecting. She didn't want to look like too much of a troublemaker. "You saw the worst of it." This was technically untrue, given that she'd gotten shot before the encounter with Fist, not during, but she hoped Shepard just wouldn't remember.

"You're all right?" Shepard asked. "I know you said the Fleet gives you resources to help you survive out here, but I can't imagine they spend a long time instructing their young people on how to treat gunshot wounds."

The apparent concern was nice, but Tali just said, "You'd be surprised."

Shepard looked at her sidelong, some crease in her forehead deepening. "That's…" She paused, lips pressed into a thin line. "Troubling."

"The galaxy is a dangerous place. You don't need me to tell you that. And there aren't so many doctors who know how to treat a quarian properly, without making it worse, that we can go without learning."

Shepard's mouth went even thinner. "Well," she said, "Dr. Chakwas is qualified. I checked with her when you decided to come aboard. Not that I don't trust your handiwork, but if you want another eye, she's the best."

There'd been another response at the tip of Tali's tongue. Ready to insist that she wouldn't bother the ship's doctor with anything. But Shepard wasn't worried about that, apparently.

Tali had thought that Shepard couldn't turn away help, but she hadn't thought that Shepard would spend extra time looking after that help.

"Thanks," Tali said, awkwardly, unsure how else to respond.

Shepard shrugged one shoulder. "I've been shot at a lot lately. Can't help but think it's going to continue. Since you're standing next to me, best be prepared."

"I usually prefer to stand behind cover," Tali said.

Shepard smiled wide. "Hah! That a critique of my positioning? There were only so many places to stand in that damn alley."

It was a little hard to tell, smiles could mean so many things, but there was a...warmth, to Shepard's voice. A cheeriness. Tali guessed that she was joking, and hoped she was right.

"No, I'm sure an N7 knows what she's doing," she replied.

Shepard laughed; Tali had guessed right. "Glad someone on this ship believes that," Shepard said.

Tali didn't push her luck any farther, staying quiet. Shepard looked back up at the drive core; the mirth had softened her face a little, smoothing out the lines and creases. She looked a little younger, suddenly, than she had.

"Truth is," she said suddenly, letting out the words like a sigh, "we're venturing into the unknown. Does anyone know what they're doing, in those circumstances? No. You just have to prepare, as much as the galaxy lets you, and then you take your shot."

It didn't seem like Shepard was talking to Tali anymore, not really. More like she was restating a truth to herself, reaffirming it.

"So it's not the aftereffects of the Citadel's city-that-never-sleeps atmosphere keeping you up?" Tali asked. "You're making preparations?"

Shepard shook her head; when she spoke again, she seemed more present. "Nah. Sometimes I just like to come down here and look at the ship at night, while Adams isn't around to talk my ear off. I appreciate that the Normandy is a technological marvel, state-of-the-art, cutting-edge, but when he gets into the technical details I start to fall asleep on my feet. I just don't have the mind for it."

"It is an incredible ship," Tali said, with feeling. "I've never seen anything like it."

"Sometimes I wish I could understand it like Adams does. Like you probably do. But there's magic in that gap, you know? In the unknown. Ashley has her god. I have this."

Tali thought to tell her that there was still magic, even when you saw clearly how all the pieces fitted together; there was magic in it because once you understood, you could not believe how all these disparate parts managed to carry a machine, make it whole, make it live. But she did not want to talk Shepard's ear off, like Adams did, and risk making a nuisance of herself when Shepard had been so accommodating, so she stayed quiet, silently taking note that Shepard was a person aware of her own weaknesses, that she put other people on her team to make sense of that gap instead of leaving it shrouded in mystery.

"I won't keep you," Shepard said, pushing back from the console. "But if you need anything, don't be shy. Let me know. Special pillow, sleeping pod...whatever. I know we're not exactly outfitted for your people."

"I can make do."

"That's what I'm saying. You don't have to." Shepard started off for the cargo hold. "Good night, Tali."

"Good night," Tali said, watching Shepard go.

She'd wanted in on this mission. No hesitation. But she'd been braced for something...different. For Shepard to be someone different. Someone more like the people who, in their prejudice and ignorance, had gotten Keenah killed.

She was still braced. Just in case. But she was beginning to like Shepard.

#tali'zorah nar rayya #female shepard #female shepard/tali'zorah nar rayya #mass effect #pre-relationship #universe writes

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nothisis-ridiculous · 4 years ago

Text

Take Me Home Now: Chapter Five

Chapter Five: All My Memories Gather 'Round Her

Set after the events of ME3.

A rewrite. Ao3.

FemShepxKaidan

He ruffled her hair.

Again.

It was a mistake letting her hair grow back out, now clocking back in at impressive two inches Jane was growing used to the platinum blonde locks. Sure, there were some off-handed comments, but a stern attitude dissuaded most of the direct jokes. Well, for most, it did. Roy was always an exception when it came to her.

Annoying geezer.

But was it a sense of direction or trust that guided her to follow through his every command? It was true Jane had been wary at first- she had seen first hand what the power of being made a defacto leader could do to someone. Abuse, rape, and murder. Here, at least for the time being, Roy kept his head. Even begrudged the position. Not that he shared it pubically, only mentioning it in passing to her, but she understood the burden all the same. Jane had lived it: rejected it. It was a strange sense of comfort to follow, better that the man leading was becoming a dear...

She couldn't; she had to reject that notion.

"I know you're there."

The whir of the door a dead giveaway when it came to being followed. Jane's hypervigilance had only increased with her time spent outside active combat. Sure, she still found herself battling at least on a biweekly routine, but it was nothing compared to her time on the Normandy. That person spent more time in cover than under covers.

The mousy-haired girl stared up at her, brown eyes hard and unyielding. Hell, this kid was scary.

"Do you need something, Evelyn?"

The girl harrumphed, "what are you doing?"

Leave it to the lady carrying a dying plant around to be the most suspicious thing going on in the compound, "Spectre business."

Evelyn's, not Eva's, glare worsened. Her cheeks and nostrils flaring.

"What are you doing?" Jane replied in the same smarmy tone.

"My job," she returned matter-of-factly, "even if I don't like it, and even if Papa says you are sick."

"What, are you like, three? You don't have a job."

"Seven. And yes I do! Pater gave me one," the kid smirked, sticking out her tongue.

"And what's that? Being precocious?"

"Pre- what?" Evelyn stammered.

"Being a shit," the swear already escaped before it could be altered. Thus, reinstating the belief that children did not belong around her in any capacity.

Her furrowed brow gave way to a secretive smile, "Pater said someone needed to watch you. Seems stupid, but Papa said we all have to do things we don't want to right now."

Of course, Roy would.

"You're weird," the girl stated plainly, "your face is kinda glowy, and you spend a lot of time with those aliens."

Back on Earth, it wasn't hard to forget that First Contact was a meer thirty years ago. Not that it was blame for their attitudes, but most of the humans had a hard time trusting the aliens. It was only made worse when the squadron of Turians joined them, piling them on top of the loud and aggressive Krogan; most of the natives were uncomfortable. Already the Turians and Krogan had old beefs to settle, and the dash of human fear for the Turian species quickly started a lopsided triangle. At least the Krogan adage of 'seek the enemy of your enemy, and you will find a friend' came to the humans and krogan developing a tenuous alliance.

"Those aliens are nothing to be afraid of," Jane chided gently.

The kid neither gave up nor responded, instead following the woman through the hall and into the open atrium. The place had boomed in population, the mall teeming with signs of life that would have echoed its days before the war. Voices, distant music, and the general clatter of movement greeting them from outside the confines of the sealed hallways. Once Jane could walk through here without watching a step, now she dodged other people, weaving through the crowd with ease and speed intended to dislodge her charge.

Evelyn was spry, knocking into the lady as she unexpectedly stopped. She peeked around her, watching as the red Krogan started to cheer loudly. Another alien, smaller and with a grey carapace charged at his elder, the two rather than colliding ended the charge with a weird arm hold. For a moment, the two crests rested against each other, sharing a few soft and private words.

Even weirder was The Recruit, looking over the scene sadly, a hand held over her heart. Her jaw flexed, another sharp and illuminated line flaring vertically up her cheek—another note to add to the log.

"They look so mean," Evelyn complained, unsure why Jane would be watching this sadly. It was frightening, to her they were great brutes that usually ended up destroying something.

"They really aren't," Jane countered softly, a slight crack in her voice, "if one gives you an attitude, a head butt will set them straight."

She did like that this grown-up did not treat her like a child, unlike the rest.

Both of them tensed at the appearance of a green-shelled krogan; the arrival of the male ended the short embrace between the red and grey one. Then, as usual, the aliens returned to their fierce and violent natures, turning the greeting into a shoving contest.

"Don't fu-," the adult caught herself this time, "leave him alone. He's trouble."

Jane strode forwards, picking up her pace. It was no longer weaving through the crowd, as so much a straight charge across the atrium and to the access corridor that leads to the western parking lot- deciding they wanted to stay out of the way for practicality and ease. The Turians chose to take up the ramp as their headquarters. And this is where Jane headed for her errand.

Yeah, make me, make friendly with the Turians. Screw that they respect the chain of command more than a friendly face, all arguments Jane had tried in vain against the LT to get out of this assignment, watch me fuck this up over a plant. Jeez, why not let them grow their own garden? Fuck if I know what I am doing.

But he did have one counterargument that made complete sense and was entirely of her own fault. She was the known member of the humans in residence to have any formal diplomatic training. She was still kicking herself for that slip of knowledge.

"You should head back home," she murmured to her back, "boring adult stuff. You won't miss much."

The baggy military rags were not enough protection from the spring chill, but she would press on. Clipping up the three-story climb to reach the perched Turians. The 'outpost' could overlook the entire mall with well-placed postings, which the military-minded turians had already accomplished within hours of selecting this area as a base of operations. The forward guard used to seeing the Recruit hardly blinked, only balking in their subtle way at the package tucked into her arms.

"Recruit," the LT wasn't the only one called by their moniker, the pinkish hued Turian gave something equivalent to a grin eyes wandering down to the plant the human carried, "another issue?"

Jane pushed the plant on the turian, "pretty much. I don't know shit about these plants."

"I grew herbs in my kitchen, I'd guess too much sunlight?"

"Makes as much sense as anything else. We've learned they can't be next to potatoes, now they hate the sun," Jane glanced down at her arms, "and I forgot to wear gloves. That's disappointing- I had plans for those hands tonight."

Silva's mandible vibrated, "there are other ways to relieve tension."

So begun the dance. It always started clean, water running over her arms, a quick quip about the luxury of running water, and the application of ointment. The all too gentle rub of talons across the top of her knuckles, a lingering glance Jane couldn't quite bring herself to notice, and finally a cocky declaration of future victory.

The Commander enjoyed the relaxed regulations of the Turian military, not that Alliance would have ever forbidden forbidden a friendly sparring match it felt much better to let off some steam without fear of repercussion. One didn't have to play nice. Fringe pulling, blows below the belt, untamed aggression was all too welcome in the turian fighting cage. While today wasn't a dirty fight day, Jane was all too eager to move.

Silva made the first jab, and the Recruit absorbed it with a smile.

"The LT is going to have my head one of these days," the Turian went in for the next blow, this time the human dodged, "I'm even going soft on you."

"Come on, Shepard," Garrus mocked, weaving below her fist, "stop dancing around."

Roy didn't appreciate the fighting, even after learning they were all in good sport. The punishment of latrine duty was now part of her chores, for how much she heeded his grumbling. He blamed the bruises for too many things- headaches, sideways glances, the lack of respect she commanded for herself. Why did he care? She never asked, never expected it. But he never told her to stop, so she wouldn't.

"I can't always make it take easy on you, Vakarian," Mary retorted, sweeping out her leg to purchase at a braced turian.

The female turian's claws grasped into her arm, but she was ready, twirling around and planting her elbow into a painfully rigid chin sending the offender reeling back a couple of steps, "that's one advantage of an exoskeleton."

"Or are we afraid to bruise our pretty face in case the Major struts on by," Garrus teased, barely inching past the biotically charged fist going for his scarred mandible, "unless he doesn't know about our little fight club?"

"At least I can roll."

"I wouldn't worry, Shepard," if the Turian were human, his eyebrow would be cocked and a flashy grin across his face, "it's so much better when they are angry."

The turian cackled; today the hits were much easier to connect. Or was the human not trying? She could be like that, destructive. Silva kept the hits low and softened the severity in which she delivered them. Jane struggled to keep her hands where they belonged, one threading and rubbing through her hair each time they disconnected to reset their stances.

"Like I care what the M-" her friend's stern glare shut her down, "don't jealous Gar-Gar."

Jane tumbled to the ground, nose trickling the strange red color. It was time for this fight to be over, the human shook underneath her grasp. But the too expressive species wore a brave face, "Jane."

"Two hundred years later, and still nobody talks about fight club," Mary after close inspection, did notice that the Major strutted, "I'm disappointed I wasn't invited." The handsome human specimen winked at the Commander, his sideways grin all-knowing.

"It's fine, probably enough for the day."

The female moved out of her grasp, turning around to wipe at her face. Silva pretended not to notice Jane went for her eyes first.

"Well, that was quick," the turian was a little disappointed, "you're different for a human."

Jane deaned to turn her head back for that comment, cocking an eyebrow at her, "you must not have left Palaven, or whatever your colony was, much."

"No, ma'am," the turian hesitated, "at least, the rest of your group doesn't seem interested in us."

"How would you feel if this was Palaven?"

Her mandibles vibrated.

"Now add your species being attacked thirty years ago by this species you suddenly have to get along with," Jane smiled softly, she was too harsh, "plus we're a bunch of cranky jerks."

Silva laughed deeply, "and add a war that has crippled an entire galaxy, it is a wonder we aren't all fighting."

"It's the krogan," Jane mused.

"Spirits bless, the krogans being the most level-headed."

"After Tuchanka, they probably feel at home," damn her words, "it was the Salarians all along."

"I mean, that's some deep level conspiracy, but it checks out," her companion tried to keep up the fading mood.

"Just give us some time; we're people of action only that really means something," to which race the words were meant for was moot.

#shenko #fshenko #mass effect fancition #mass effect #female shepard x kaidan #fanfic #mass effect spoilers #take me home

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ghostxofxartemis · 4 years ago

Note

May I have John/Ashely at a party for the Kissing Prompts, please? If you're still taking them?

Of course you may! I always love writing these two cinnamon buns!

Available on AO3 | From this prompt here... inbox always open just let me know it’s from this list.

The After Party

Ashley's arm was wrapped around Shepard's waist, as much for supporting him as it was to be in close proximity to him; his arm was wrapped around her shoulder. The last month and few weeks had been long and agonizing. The recovery from surgery, the physical therapy, the psychological exams he wanted to scoff at, all had been so taxing on John. He was a man of action, he couldn't sit long enough without feeling agitated. He needed to move. And hospitals had a way of making sure you did just the opposite.

Now, as they walked back to the Normandy, a huge grin on his face, he was happy. The war was over, his girlfriend, his crew… family were all okay, and here he was, taking command of his ship once more. The thought excited him. There was just something about being out there in space, helping and protecting others he found so rewarding. He ran his hand against the hatch door.

"Skipper?"

"Hmmm?" He looked at Ashley, their smiles met, but there was concern in her eyes.

"Thought I lost you there for a moment. You okay?"

John's smile widened. "Everything is perfect’" he said as he brushed his lips against Ashley's forehead. He really meant it.

“I could use a drink. I do believe there is a freshly stocked bar down on the crew deck.” A coy smile tugged at Ashley’s lips which only caused John to laugh as they walked to the elevator lift.

“I do believe we have a score to settle. I mean… I did save the Galaxy, so that gives me a few points towards being the best human Spectre… but if you do want me to drink you under the table tonight…” He half-smirked. Ashley rolled her eyes, elbowing him in the ribs.

“Ow.” He complained slightly, as he rubbed his ribs with his hand. Ashley snorted as she pressed the button to deck three.

“Oh suck it up, princess, you’re fine.” Ashley rolled her eyes.

“You didn’t…?” He wasn’t sure he had heard right.

“Oh! I did!” Ashley gently shoved him out of the lift and towards the lounge.

The door whooshed opened as they neared it, Shepard was immediately greeted by the crew who had gathered and already started drinking. He was surprised to see even Jack and Miranda had made their way in here.

James raised his glass, “Hey hey, the man of the hour is here!”

Traynor was the first one to get up from where she sat on the ledge of the couch to come give Shepard a hug. “Welcome back, Commander!”

“It’s good to be back,” Shepard said as he let go.

Cortez was standing at the bar; he popped open the champagne bottle pouring it in glasses.

Miranda was the first one to take up a glass. Amused, Shepard chuckled as he and Ashley approached the counter to take a glass themselves. Miranda was usually the last person to loosen up.

“Still trying to be normal?” He smirked.

“Starting to get the hang of it,” Miranda mumbled with a sheepish look as she reached for Jack’s hand and intertwined their fingers. Shepard arched an eyebrow, his smirk now turning into a full grin. Boy, did he ever call it. Though, he never had expected for them to act on their feelings.

Jack punched him in the shoulder. “Shut up, Shepard!”

“Should start a dating service, Shepard. The Normandy seems to be a hookup site rather than an Alliance vessel,” Tali said as she sat on the bar tool. She grabbed the tripled filtered Turian brandy and poured herself a glass.

“You’ll be the first to know, Tali,” Shepard quipped as he reached for a glass of champagne.

“I’m good,” she said as she gulped down her drink through her ‘induction port’.

“Never mind that. Cortez, line up some shots will you. Reaper metal asses have been sent back to whatever black hole they came from. Time to fucking party!” Jack demanded.

~n~

The bar was littered with all types of different glasses. Shepard had lost count of how many shots and drinks he had, but one thing he was certain about, he felt a lot better than most of the crew. Courtesy of Cerberus upgrades. He could definitely confirm they were still intact and fully functioning. Catalyst be damned for lying to him.

Ashley had met him drink for drink until she felt like the contents were coming back up rather than staying down, so she admitted defeat to their challenge, which she didn’t take too lightly.

A couple of the crew members were snoring away on the couch, some had called it a night and headed to the crew quarters. While others still danced away to the blaring music in the middle of the lounge, others were playing poker at the table, or gathered around the bar for more shots.

It had been a good night. It was certainly nice to see everyone let their hair down, so to speak, knowing that there wasn’t a battle waiting for them the next day. For the first time in over three years Shepard actually felt relaxed.

Shepard was in the middle of taking his shot when Ashley came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders.

“Ash, you want one?” Cortez asked her.

“Nope. I think we can all say Shepard can drink me under the table.” She shook her head, her eyes a little wild, unfocused. She was slightly unsteady on her feet. Shepard chuckled.

“For that, he can give me a dance though,” she wiggled her brows.

“Ash…”

“Just one. Come on.” She tugged at his arm, and he acquiesced following her into the middle of the room.

Ashley wrapped her arms around his neck, his around her waist.

“I don’t really care for the dance. I just wanted you for a moment,” Ashley whispered in his ear.

“Impatient are we?” He chuckled as he leaned in closer to her.

“Just a little,” she admitted as she started closing the distance.

“Is that what I’ll get to look forward to everyday?” Shepard quipped.

“Maybe.”

“I don’t think I mind at all,” Shepard said as he closed the distance between them, planting his lips on hers as they gave in to each other. His hands travelled up her waist to eventually rest on each side of her face to keep her from pulling away. He wanted to keep feeling her soft lips against his for as long as he could. Knowing he had to behave in front of the crew drove him crazy. So many things he wanted to do right now.

Ahsley’s lips parted his as she bit down on his lower lip, pulling it between her teeth before she pulled away.

“I don’t think I mind either, sir,” she said coyly, as her eyes showed all the intent behind her words, before closing the distance once more.

Pulling away, Ashley took his arm and winked at him as she led him out of the lounge.

John smirked, he guessed he wasn’t the only one after all with such thoughts in mind.

#Shepley #John Shepard #Ashley Williams #Post-war fluff #Post-Reaper War #recovery from extensive injuries #party to celebrate victory #finally getting the happily ever after they deserve #bardofheartdive

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ripley95 · 5 years ago

Text

Echoes of Old Embers

Chapter 9

Pairing: F!Shepard/Kaidan Alenko

Rating: T

Chapter length: 3.8K

Story Synopsis:

After surviving the war, one of Shepard’s biggest regrets was rejecting Kaidan at Apollo’s. Fate has a way of bringing Jane and Kaidan back into each other’s lives. A misunderstanding with his family makes Kaidan and Shepard relive old history and question where they stand.

Link to Chapter 1 on AO3

Chapter Synopsis:

Kaidan and Shepard have a serious conversation that puts an emphasis on her regrets of going to the orchard.

Read to Chapter 9 on AO3

Tumblr Links:

Read the chapter here below the cut:

Shepard made her way down the stairs after her conversation with Libby. Kaidan was probably awake by now, so she figured it was as good a time as any to seek him out. As she made her way down to the foyer, she noticed some new arrivals.

"Oh, there she is," Raiya said, after hearing Shepard on the steps.

Maisie was standing behind her sister, holding a young child, presumably Austin, Raiya's son. Maisie was practically bouncing with energy and a big grin on her face. Shepard knew that her excitement was only in part for seeing her nephew again after so long. She figured it was mostly for getting to see if the fruits of her labour were effective in deceiving her brother-in-law. Shepard wasn't quite as concerned about it anymore, knowing that Libby wasn't mad at her. Still, she was interested in knowing if she could pull off being someone else all the same.

Shepard made her way to the bottom of the steps with a smile. She noticed Kaidan off to the side, leaning against the entryway to the living room. As soon as he saw her, he had a big, dumb grin on his face, clearly trying to contain any outward reaction to her new look. At least he seemed to catch on to what they were doing and didn't say anything to give away her real identity.

"Jane, this is Matt," Raiya said, drawing Shepard's attention back to them. "And that's my son, Austin."

"Hi, Austin," she said with a wave and a smile. He shyly clung to his aunt for protection. She then turned to Raiya's husband, who was distractedly struggling with all of his bags and trying to set them down, "and it's nice to finally meet you, Matt."

"Sorry, Jane, was it? We knew Kaidan was bringing someone, but I never got a name," he said, as he extended his hand as a welcoming gesture.

"Yup, that's it," Shepard said with a smile, shaking his hand.

Maisie snorted from behind them, Raiya giving her a glare that promised death if she were to give away what was going on. Matt looked at them with only slight confusion, seeming as though that was a pretty standard occurrence between the two of them.

Matt had to laugh at Shepard, shaking his head. "Well, good. Correct me if I get it wrong. I can be bad with names. It's nice to meet you too.”

Shepard offered him a warm smile in acknowledgement.

"Anyway, we should probably go put your bags away. I think Kaidan and Jane were just about to be sitting down to breakfast," Raiya said.

"Ah. Message received loud and clear," Matt said with a chuckle. "Didn't mean to be interrupting anything. I look forward to getting to know you better, Jane."

"Thanks, the feeling is mutual," she still smiled back at him kindly.

Matt nodded at her as he and Raiya went upstairs. Maisie followed after them, Austin still in her arms.

"So, did Jane look familiar at all?" Shepard could hear Maisie ask, apparently barely able to contain herself as they reached the top of the stairs.

Kaidan walked over to where Shepard was standing, and they continued to listen to the muffled conversation.

"Now that you mention it, she does look a little familiar. Why? Please don't tell me I already knew her and just made a fool of myself?"

"Oh, you know her, all right. That was Commander Shepard," Maisie said with excitement.

"Haha, very funny," Matt said, thinking it was a joke. There was a moment of silence before he finally spoke again, this time, the tone of his voice more serious. "She's joking, right?"

"No, she's not. That really was Commander Shepard," Raiya confirmed.

There was another moment of silence. Shepard could almost picture the mortification that was likely on Matt's face right now.

"You can't be serious. And you let me act like that in front of her? She's going to think I'm an idiot! I have to go apologise."

"For what? Not knowing who she was? Relax, she's cool." Maisie said with a laugh, clearly finding entertainment in Matt's torment.

"Should I say something?" Shepard asked Kaidan.

He had a big grin on his face, finding entertainment in the situation. "After what you guys put him through, I think he deserves to be put out of his misery."

She agreed and yelled up the stairs. "It's okay Matt, you were perfectly charming," Shepard said, hoping that was enough to suffice.

"They could hear all of that?!" Matt said, sounding horrified.

"Seriously, Matt, it's fine," Kaidan reassured.

"If you say so," he responded, not sounding convinced in the least. "I don’t think I'll never be able to show my face around her ever again," he said more quietly. He was trying to avoid their conversation from being overheard more, but it wasn't sufficient.

Shepard decided that was enough eavesdropping for her tastes, and turned to Kaidan with a grimace, feeling bad.

"I should probably go apologise to him later. I didn't mean to be pulling one over on him," she said.

"Oh, so this wasn't meant to be a practical joke?" Kaidan asked with a shit-eating grin on his face, clearly eyeing her new hair.

"On someone I don't even know? Definitely not," she said, at least happy that Kaidan was taking a playful tone on the matter, and was making her feel better about it.

"So what's this all about then? Did coming to meet my family put you into some kind of quarter-life crisis or something? I know they can be a lot, but this is a bit over the top," he said, his smirk wider than ever.

Taking him up on his playful attitude towards it, she leaned her hip out dramatically, running her hand over her hair before flaunting it. "What, you don't like it?"

"I didn't say that." Kaidan's smile became more subdued, the playfulness leaving his eyes. "You look good," he said, looking at her seriously.

Shepard was dumbfounded by the sudden change in tone and caught off guard by the admission. She didn't know what to say, or how to take it. She figured it didn’t really matter. She was trying to avoid romantic feelings. That hadn’t changed. Who knows, maybe he was just being nice. She steeled herself, making sure to temper her response. The best she could come up with was a "Thanks.” and a half-assed smile. “So, uh, did I hear something about breakfast?" she asked, avoiding eye contact.

"Uh, yeah," he said, pointing towards the coffee table and sofa in the living room. "Mom and I cooked. I grabbed us some plates."

"Great! I'm starving," she said, making way for the couch, not wanting to linger on their awkwardness.

She sat down in front of the smaller plate, the other one obviously being Kaidan's helping with a much healthier size for someone with the caloric requirements of a biotic. It looked amazing. It was a full cooked breakfast with eggs, bacon and toast all arranged nicely, with a cup of coffee on the side. He likely didn't know that Shepard already had a cup earlier. She wouldn't complain, though, especially after the lack of sleep for the majority of the previous night. It all felt luxurious compared to the colourless oatmeal that the hospital usually served her thanks to their low rations on just about everything else. She waited for Kaidan to sit next to her before she started eating. She grabbed a strip of bacon and let out an audible sigh as she slumped back into the couch.

"Damn, Kaidan, your family sure knows how to cook."

"The bacon was all me. I told you I was good at it."

"Hmm, well, I suppose you didn't have any garlic to burn this time," she said teasingly.

"Hey, now, that was a good steak."

She let out another sigh at the memory, "Yeah, it really was," she smiled at him, lost in the nostalgia of it. "That was a good day," she said. One of the only good days throughout the war, in no small part, thanks to him. She wouldn't ever want to go back to that time for so many reasons, but she missed the camaraderie they shared while they were still on the Normandy together. In a lot of ways, this felt like that. Except, now it was filled with a lot of awkwardness and regret.

He leaned back into the couch, too, his own strip of bacon in hand. "It was, wasn't it?" he said with a smile that Shepard matched before the conversation dulled into them both enjoying their breakfast. Neither of them particularly wanted to revisit memories of the war. After a few bites, Shepard turned to Kaidan, noticing that he had been staring at her.

"What?" she asked, noticing his look of amusement returning.

"So, I have to assume that this is why you disappeared this morning," he said, finally pointing to her hair again.

Shepard laughed, realising that she still hadn't given him an explanation. "Ah, right. Yeah. Kidnapped by your sisters, I'm afraid. I only just managed to make an escape for it right before coming down here."

"That explains a lot. So what happened? Did Maisie force you to do it? I can have a talk with her if she's bothering you. I mean… more than she's already been causing trouble."

"Oh, no. No need for that. Aside from the whole misunderstanding, your family's been great. Really. I actually did this for Libby. With Raiya and Maisie's help, of course."

"Ah, okay," he said, finally putting all of the pieces together. "That makes a lot more sense now. Has she seen it yet?"

"She has," Shepard nodded.

"And how did that go?"

"Surprisingly well, actually. She's just having a bit of a rough time, but I think things have been successfully smoothed over between us."

"Good," he said, sitting back on the couch and relaxing a bit more. "That's good."

Another moment of silence passed between them.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"I didn't say it before, but after I saw her reaction yesterday, I felt like a bit of an idiot. I think she's always felt a little left out of this family. She and I are both the middle children. That usually means we'd be the ones getting the least attention. Because of my biotics and everything that went on at Jump Zero, I got a lot of special treatment from the family. I think that resulted in her feeling completely left out most of the time when we were growing up. This wedding was supposed to be about her, and now I've gone and taken that too."

Shepard nodded at that in quiet contemplation. She could understand the predicament. Maybe it wasn't all fun and games growing up with a lot of siblings after all. "If it's any consolation, when I talked to her, it didn’t sound like she was upset with you. Maybe she wouldn't have told me, though, since everyone has gotten the impression that we're dating," she said with a weird emphasis on the word. She noticed a weird expression on Kaidan’s face that she couldn't quite read. She figured the assumptions were just getting to him too. "But anyway, she seems like she's putting a lot of stress on herself over everything. She misses your dad. I wouldn't be surprised if she's feeling a little alone right now, but I don't think her outburst was really about you taking her day away from her."

"Well, that's good to know, but I think I should go talk to her later all the same."

"I think she'd like that," Shepard said honestly. Libby did seem like she could use some more emotional support than she'd been getting through all of this. Maybe it would give them both a chance to talk about their dad more.

Kaidan glanced at her. It looked like he was unsure of what to say. He let out a sigh. "Can I admit something?"

Shepard looked at him, confused as her heart began to flutter. "Always."

"I'm really glad you came, even with this whole mess. When I saw you in Vancouver and heard you needed a place to stay, I was almost glad for it. I think our talk in the cabin yesterday made me realise why."

Shepard perked her head up slightly to show that she was listening intently.

"Did I tell you that this is only the second time I've seen them all since I got back to Earth?"

"No, I don't think you ever mentioned that."

"I still remember the day I got here, and it wasn't a happy one, at least, not for me."

Shepard looked at him curiously.

"Don't get me wrong, I loved seeing my family. I missed them. It was a relief knowing that they were okay, and of course, they were happy to see me. Things weren't so simple on my end, though. To them, me coming home was like an answer to their prayers. I had been MIA, so knowing that I was safe was something to celebrate. But to me, coming back to Earth was just confirmation that my dad was really gone. For them, their whole focus was me providing them with something to celebrate and be happy about. It was like I was filling a void. I couldn’t take that away from them. But the whole time I was here, it just felt like something was missing. It felt wrong. I forced my happiness for their sake, but I'll admit there was a part of me that was dreading coming back here. I guess I just liked the idea that I'd have someone else to focus on. Have a distraction so I could be that for them again when this is supposed to be a happy occasion."

Shepard paused with the severity of the statement. She could understand wanting something to make those feelings easier. She could see herself serving as a good distraction for that, though she was sad about the circumstances of why he needed one. Of course she'd be that for him, though. It was even enough to make her feel a little less regret for coming out here, knowing that her presence might make things easier on him.

"Well, you've served as a good distraction in my moment of need. Least I can do is offer you the same," she said with a halfhearted grin, hoping that it was a casual enough statement. If circumstances had been different, she'd say something like she'd always be that for him whenever he needed it, but she knew she couldn't be promising things like that anymore.

Kaidan's eyes softened at the gesture. "I'm glad I could have been that for you. But still, I'm sorry things have turned into such a mess here. I never meant for things to get so out of hand. I just hope you don't regret coming."

It was like he was reading her mind or something. Maybe she wasn't as good at hiding it as she thought she was. Of course she regretted it, just not in the way he thought. The more misunderstandings happened, the more she wished they were real. She wished that they had woken up in the cabin with smiles on their faces and light kisses as they cuddled more deeply without a care in the world, instead of quickly and embarrassingly separating themselves. She wished that she could have gone through his family photos with him at her side, hearing every one of his stories associated with them. She wished that she could hug him now while he was struggling to come to terms with losing his father. She wanted her admission to Raiya to mean something, and her efforts to appease Libby to be the first of many bonding moments. As much as she hated to admit it, she wished Maisie would get to flaunt the fact that she was right about her and Kaidan's relationship this whole time.

"Don't worry. I don't regret it," she said, practically lying straight to his face.

"Well, good. I'm glad. I'd hate for you to feel unwelcome here."

Shepard nodded at the irony of it, as she huffed out a laugh. "I think if anything, I'm probably a little too welcome."

"Right," Kaidan said with a sigh. "I'll have to figure out how to deal with everyone eventually. I'm not really sure how to get them to see reason on this one."

"That might be difficult, especially after this morning," Shepard admitted, though, she already regretted it, not knowing how to explain this one without saying too much.

"What happened this morning?"

"Oh, uh, nothing new,” Shepard amended quickly, trying to think of something. “Raiya and I just had a long discussion. Maisie had already gotten to her.”

"Ah, well, I guess I should have expected that," he said to Shepard's relief, glad that he didn’t prod more. "I don't know if it would do any good at this point, but I can call a family meeting to let everyone know we're really not together if it would make you feel better."

The thought of that gave Shepard an internal sense of panic. "I appreciate the thought, but if it's all the same to you, it might be best to leave the lectures about that until after we leave. Libby's already had enough stress with everything, and this week really should be about her. We should probably try not to add more drama than there already is," she said. She really didn't want to burden Libby with more drama, but a big part of her was worried about the ramifications from Raiya now too. She had confided in her, and telling her that there was no relationship after admitting that she loved Kaidan felt like it would be a betrayal of her trust that she was gracious to give in the first place. Shepard figured that would have the potential to add a considerable amount of drama. This was meant to be an important time for their family and she wasn't about to ruin it or make things worse for Libby. She could deal with the fallout later, after the Alenkos had all enjoyed this time together.

Kaidan looked at her more seriously after that. "Okay. If that's really how you want to deal with it, I'm fine with that. I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable while you're here."

"It's fine. I'd rather not make things any worse than they already are. If we act casually enough and just don't confirm anything, maybe they'll drop it."

Kaidan looked at her and nodded in confirmation, the air filled with silence.

"Oh, there you two are," they both heard from behind them. They sat up straight and practically whipped around, startled by the suddenness. Ada was standing at the bottom of the steps.

Kaidan and Shepard looked at each other a little shocked for not having heard her come down the stairs. They hadn't even considered that they were having this conversation so out in the open until now.

Ada staggered momentarily, as she caught sight of Shepard. "Well, you certainly look different. I hope my daughter didn't put you up to that," she said, referencing Shepard’s new hair.

"It's a long story, but don't worry about it. Nothing was done against my will," she said with a small laugh.

"I suppose I'll have to take your word for it. But anyway, there's still so much to be done before tomorrow. Would the two of you mind giving me some help?"

"Of course, mom," Kaidan said, already getting off the couch to help.

"Great. The lawn needs to be mowed, and there's a bunch of dead branches on the ground out there."

"Sure thing. But Jane's still recovering, so she should probably sit out."

"Oh, don't you worry about that. I already had plans to put her to work helping me out in the kitchen. That way, she can still take it easy."

"I don't know if you want to do that," Kaidan said with a laugh. "She's a spacer, military brat. She's used to eating rations or cafeteria food. I don't think she's cooked a day in her life."

Shepard gave him a disgruntled look as she also stood from the couch, meeting them in the foyer. "Hey! I can cook."

"Sandwiches aren't cooking," he said with a teasing grin.

"Is this supposed to be some kind of payback for saying that you burned the garlic or something?"

Kaidan gave her a defensive look. "No, nothing like that. Just want to give my mom a fair warning," he said with a smirk.

"Oh, hush. It's just food prep, Kaidan. I'm not going to make her cook anything. I'm sure she can peel some carrots," Ada said.

"That, I can do," Shepard said with a smile.

"See? Perfect," she said, giving them both a satisfied grin. "Now stop teasing her, and Jane, you can meet me in the kitchen when you're ready," she said, bustling her way over there.

"You think you'll be okay in there alone with her?" Kaidan asked.

Shepard let out a small chuckle. "I've been in plenty worse situations than food prep, Kaidan. I think I'll be fine. The carrots, on the other hand… well, we'll just have to see about that."

That brought a smile back to Kaidan's face. "I wasn't talking about the carrots, Shepard, but I think you know that. It can be intimidating to be around parents. Especially if she might have gotten the idea that we're together."

"Yeah," she said, still looking slightly amused with herself. "Well, I've already been stuck with each of your sisters at some point or another today. I'm sure I'll be fine with your mom, too."

"All right, if you're really sure."

"Something tells me there's no backing down from your mother," she said, as she went back to pick up her and Kaidan's dishes.

"There really isn't. She's a force to be reckoned with. But then again, so are you."

Shepard smiled at that. "That may be true, but it's one thing to be up against a reaper. It's another thing entirely being up against parents. I'm not so sure I could win in a fight against your mom."

"You're not instilling much confidence here, Jane. You sure you're going to be okay left alone with her?"

"It was a joke," Shepard said with a grin. "I'm sure she'll be fine."

"Okay," he finally agreed. "But if you need anything, don't hesitate to come out and flag me down."

"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind," she said as she finally walked off towards the kitchen. Kaidan's mother seemed to be the least prodding of the bunch somehow, so she really hoped it would be fine. All she had to do was keep her foot out of her mouth… Then again, maybe that was something to worry about after all.

#f!Shenko #f!Shepard/Kaidan Alenko #f!Shepard #Kaidan Alenko #mass effect #fanfiction #mass effect fanfiction #mini slow burn #angst #friends to lovers #accidental dating #my fic on tumblr #my writing

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mercurygray · 5 years ago

Text

A while ago someone gave me a prompt to write the Girl Gang meeting the Howling Commandos. I wrote that in two parts - and then decided I really, really needed a third piece. Here it is.

[part 1] [part 2]

Sam was having a hard time getting his jaw off the floor.

It was quite a collection, as war souvenirs went, laid out on the table with careful precision - a paratrooper's fighting knife, a Luger, the handle worn with use, a souvenir program from the Louvre, a collection of mismatched uniform insignia, bars and oak clusters and infantry sabers in varying shades of gold, a string of pearls with a swastika in the clasp, two silk scarves, one printed with a map, the other in fading leopard print, a pencil sketch of two soldiers, walking by a river with what looked like Notre Dame in the background. Piles of letters, bound together with string, addressed with FREE in the corners. But perhaps best of all were the pictures, stacks of unbound black and white photographs with corners already curling, of paratroopers in dozens of little towns in Normandy, battered, bloodied, and somehow still smiling, houses and hedgerows, and views from the Eagle's Nest. And here was one of a group of officers, a few men and one woman, their faces the stuff of a dozen tv documentaries, and in the middle, Steve.

Sam stared. "Shit, man, you really knew these peop -" He looked up, realizing he had an audience, and blushed a little, looking embarrassed. "Sorry, ma'am."

"Believe me, Captain Wilson, I said much worse myself back in the day," the stately octogenarian said with a smile, negotiating around the coffee table with a tray of tea things. "You're fine, really. I pulled a few things out when they said I might be expecting guests. I'm glad you're enjoying them. Pick them up, if you like. They've seen plenty of use and I promise you won't hurt them. We don’t make things quite the way we used to."

Sam's eyes lit up, and he gravitated, as Steve had known he would, to the fighting knife, the design not changed much in nearly sixty years. "Captain Rogers said you were pararescue?" She asked, tucking herself neatly onto the couch.

"Yes, ma'am. And they're still talking about you at jump school. Every woman coming out of that program knows your name."

She smiled at that. "It's nice to be remembered. And to remember. Isn't that right, dear?"

Her husband appeared in the doorway, his face filled with aged gravitas and soft appreciation. "Sometimes," he admitted. "Certainly brings back some memories seeing this fellow again." He shook hands with Steve, the handshake just as firm and fair as it had been sixty years ago.

Steve grinned. "Sam, this is -

"Oh, I know who he is." Sam was trying to pull his jaw off the ground again. "Sir, can I just say, it is a huge honor to meet you. I think I've read your books about a dozen times."

The Major shook hands with the younger pilot, a modest smile on his face. "Well, that means something, if this is the fellow they've got you driving around," the older man said with a smile. "Admiring the collection? This is just bits of it - We had some shadowboxes made, a few years ago, papers and such."

"Perhaps Captain Wilson would enjoy seeing those, dear - and perhaps having some ice cream? In your study? And you can talk about those books?" His wife made a somewhat pointed invitation, and the Major nodded, putting a hand around Sam's shoulder and bringing him out into the hallway.

"We couldn't ever get it in Europe and now Hanks sends me some every year for my birthday - good stuff."

"Hanks...sends you...wow."

She watched the two of them leave with a fond smile, and turned back to Steve, and the tea things, pouring a cup for each of them. "He'll tell you he doesn't like talking, but that's just the lectures. Give him someone who cares and doesn't think he's God Almighty and he'll chat for hours. Especially the young guys who've just gotten out."

"Surprised they don't have you out on the lecture circuit yourself," Steve said. "When I told a couple of the girls at SHIELD who I was going to see today they were very excited."

"My dance card's just as full as his is," she said, all modesty. "There's an increasingly short list of people I'll take calls from - and Nick Fury is one of them." She looked across the table, her eyes soft. "We were very sorry to hear about Peggy, Steve, truly. We would have gone to the funeral, but...sometimes it's easier not to travel. And we wouldn't have liked to steal her spotlight. She got it so seldom."

"She never liked being the center of attention," Steve agreed.

"It's hard, loosing someone. Lord knows I've done my fair share," she offered, sipping her tea. "They say it gets...easier, with age, but I'm not so sure. The longer you spend with someone...the harder it is to let them go."

"I almost feel like...I lost her twice," Steve said, staring at his tea. "And it...it wasn't just her...it was..."

"The world?" She smiled and glanced at the side table, the remnants of a life well-lived. "I look back at all these pictures and think about the woman in them, and she's not the woman I am now. A lot of life happened between now and then - but the change was gradual. How you must feel I can't even guess."

"Homeless." The word dropped out of his mouth without thinking about it, but it was true - his wordly possessions could be packed into a duffle, his friends numbered on his fingers, and he was living in a rented apartment filled with borrowed art; the epitome of a casual drifter, just passing through. Looking around the house, he could not help thinking that this...could have been his. Celebrated leader marries celebrated leader, settles down, lives in peace.

But would you have, really? He wondered to himself. Or would it have been more of the same - more war, and no peace?

She could see he was thinking about something, and gave him grace to do it - a woman too used to living among soldiers and their memories. "Well, you're always welcome here," she said, when he looked up again and met her eye, and she leaned across the table to take his hand and squeeze it. "Any time you want to get away from it, just call. We'll tell the neighbors you're my... cousin from Wyoming."

That, at least, got a laugh, and for a moment, he remembered what it was like to be among friends, and the heaviness of the world was lighter. Here he wasn't Captain America - he was just Steve. "Now, you gotta tell me about some of these," he said, swiveling in his chair to pick up the box of photographs. "I feel like there's a lot of good stories in here..."

#1940s girl gang #you know who it is #I have written a thing #joan warren

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kaidans-alenko · 4 years ago

Text

I wanted to expand on Rose a bit more and I figured this was the best way to do it, so I hope you enjoy 💕

Kaidan had always prided himself on being able to keep his cool when in actuality he was panicking on the inside and today was one of those times. They had finally gotten the relays fixed and Rose's family had been begging her to come for a visit since it's been ages since she'd seen them, so here they were, standing in front of the door of her parent's place.

Rose glanced over at him and chuckled "You don't have to be nervous you know?"

"I'm not nervous."

Rose rolled her eyes, knowing damn well he was lying "Please, I can read you like a book, you always get really quiet."

There were only three people in the world who could see through him and Rose happened to be one of them, followed by his parents "I just want them to like me." Saying that out loud made him feel silly but Rose wasn't going to leave him alone until he said something so it was easier to confess.

"Don't worry, I love you so I know they will too."

Rose had never been one to invalidate the feelings of the people she cared about, a trait that made him fall in love with her. Especially since when they met opening up and being vulnerable wasn't something he was good at compared to Rose who wore her heart on her sleeve but she had once told him she was happy he trusted her that much, something that changed him for the better and they both knew it.

Rose took out the key she still had even though she didn't get to visit much, it was attached to a cute penguin keychain her mother had given her, they were her favorite animal and because of that this particular keychain was important to her. Rose turned the key and walked inside, the house smelled like apple pie and she could hear the lively conversation her brothers were having with each other in the living room, Rose couldn't help but smile, it was nice to finally be back home.

"Guess who's back." She announced as she walked into the living room "and look who I brought with me." Kaidan followed behind her and gave a quick nod.

"About damn time." Her step father said as he walked over to them, giving Rose a tight hug before going to shake Kaidan's hand "Good to finally meet you, I'm her step dad Chris, Rosey has told us a lot about you."

"Nice to finally meet you too sir."

Rose's older step brothers made their way over to them "Rosey!" They exclaimed as they pulled her into a group hug, the oldest one reaching for Kaidan "You get in her too." Her family was a lot more welcoming than he expected, but she also had a bigger family than he did so maybe this was normal, he wasn't sure.

"Nice to finally meet you man." Her brother Chase patted him on the back.

"She mentioned you were Canadian, you like hockey?" Her brother Nick asked, It was a stereotype and one he unfortunately fell into.

"I do, yeah."

"Perfect!" The youngest of the three, Lynn pulled him into the living room and Rose took the opportunity to step into the kitchen to see her mom.

Rose poked her head inside "Guess who?" Hannah turned around and rushed over to her, pulling her into a tighter hug than the one her step dad gave.

"Oh I've missed you so much sweetheart."

Rose hugged her back just tightly "I've missed you too mom."

Hannah pulled away, taking her daughter's face in and stroking her cheek, leaning in to kiss her forehead "I love you sweetie."

"I love you too mom."

Hannah took her hands and pulled her over to the small tea table in the kitchen, making her sit down "Come, come." Hannah went to get her the tea she had made as Rose got settled "I set some snacks aside, knowing your brothers they would've been gone before you got here."

Rose chuckled as she ate a piece of cheese off the fancy plates who mother only brought out on special occasions, Hannah came back with her tea and set it down next to her before taking a seat in front of Rose "I thought Kaidan was with you."

Rose nodded as she swallowed "Yeah, but he got whisked away as soon as we walked in."

Hannah shook her head "By your brothers I presume?"

"Yup, Kaidan is a hockey fan and that's all it took."

Her mother laughed "Well at least they like him."

"That's what I thought but you'll meet him no worries."

Lynn entered the kitchen to grab a few more beers from the fridge, interrupting their conversation "Hey sis, you got good taste, Kaidan is a really cool dude."

Rose smiled at his comment "Why do you think I'm marrying him?"

"Ha! Fair point but anyway we all like him, figured you wanted to know that."

"I did, thanks for the update."

"Anytime sis anytime." He gave her a small salute as he left the kitchen.

"Speaking of, have you set a date yet?"

Rose shook her head as she munched on a cracker "No, he proposed during the war and we didn't want to set anything in stone until we knew a wedding could actually happen in the first place."

"Understandable, must be nice to finally be able to plan things though."

"You have no idea, it's actually been pretty fun and Kaidan has been helpful." Rose sipped some of her tea "I just need a dress but I figured you could help me with that."

"Of course, think of what'd you want and we can go once it gets closer."

"Thanks mom," she paused "Can we bring Kaidan's mom too, she lost her husband in the war and I want her to feel included."

"Of course! The more the merrier."

"Am I interrupting?" Kaidan asked as he stood in the doorway.

"You? Never." Rose got up and made her way over to Kaidan, kissing his cheek "Having fun?"

"I am, but it's just commercials right now so I wanted to stop by." He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him.

Hannah smiled at them, Rose was her only biological child and all she ever wanted for her was to be happy and she was grateful she could find that happiness with Kaidan.

"Mom, I'm sure you already guessed but this is Kaidan."

Hannah stood up and walked over to them, shaking his hand "It's so good to finally meet you, Rose has told me a lot."

"Nice to meet you too ma'am, Rose has told me a lot about you as well." He smiled at her and she couldn't help but blush a little, her son was right, Rose did know how to pick them.

"Kaidan! Game is back on." Her step father called from the living room.

"I suppose that's my queue." Kaidan gave her one last kiss "Once again, it was great to meet you ma'am." Rose watched as he walked away and they waved at each other.

"I feel like I'm competing with my brothers for my fiance's attention."

"Probably but it's better for them to like him isn't it?"

Rose smiled and looked out into the living room, watching as he laughed at one of Lynn's lame jokes, she knew his nervousness was for nothing but she was glad he was fitting in so well already.

--------

Rose stood out on the balcony attached to the guest room they were in, looking up at the stars. There were times she missed exploring with her friends on the Normandy but she wouldn't trade the life she had now for anything in the galaxy, she was a ballet instructor like she had wanted to be growing up and was marrying the love of her life, all in all everything worked out in the end.

"There you are."

Rose turned around "Looking for me?"

Kaidan made his way over to her and took her in his arms "I figured you'd be out here, glad I was right."

"Oh?"

"Since we moved to Earth you've developed the hobby of star gazing." She leaned into his embrace "Feeling homesick?"

"Yeah I mean…" she sighed "I know this is home but I've spent most my life in space, I'm not used to stable ground."

Kaidan nodded "I get that, we can always move back if you want."

"No, I have you and I don't really care where we are as long as we're together." They shared a quick kiss "And I know you like being near your mother."

"I worry about her being alone."

"I know babe, I'd feel the same way."

"I'm sure you like being near your family too."

"You have no idea, they can be overwhelming but in a good way."

"You want a big family right?" Kaidan was pretty sure she mentioned it a couple times but they never really talked about the future, too many unknowns and they didn't want to get their hopes up.

"Do you?"

"Sure, if it's with you I'm down for anything."

Rose knew he meant that, Kaidan was never the type to say things because he knew you wanted to hear them and it something she appreciated, it made her know she could trust him.

Kaidan sighed and she looked up at him "What's wrong babe?"

"Nothing, I'm just glad we're finally able to be like this, a normal couple."

"It's nice isn't it?"

"It's down right perfect, I love you Rose."

"I love you too, always." Kaidan was the one thing that had kept her motivated the last three years and she hoped he knew that and if he didn't she'd be sure to tell him, he was the only man to ever make her feel this way and finally being able to be by his side without the fear of their imminent death was a dream come true for her.

#kaidan alenko #shenko #rose shepard #i haven't written anything shenko for a while #its been mostly for jacob #tho that's probably not surprising

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annakie · 5 years ago

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An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Nine

Previous Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Wheren we run out of sidequests, so we head back to the Citadel already.

With the quest log pretty empty, I didn’t feel like flying around the galaxy hoping to bump into something Hackett wanted me to do already, so let’s go finish up some of those loose sidequests and pick up some more!

I didn’t grab a screenshot of this, but one of the mods (faster elevators maybe? Or MERe? IDK!) COMPLETELY removes the scanning component from getting on and off the ship.

I don’t remember the exact origins of this, but one tick Annakie Shepard has is... she really really fucking hates being scanned. And it probably was because of how long the scanning bit of getting on and off the ship here took, but I used to always try to outrun it if possible, or at least put up the effort. I’m so glad it’s not here at all.

The only acceptable scan is Chakwas scanning her for medical reasons, and even that is just barely ok.

Anyway, here we are, freshly not-scanned, heading right down to C-Sec to... oh no what’s this?

Ah. Yes. Mikhailovich. Here for inspection.

One of the reasons I cheat in Paragon points is that it’s nearly impossible to ever make Mikhailovich happy unless you don’t come back to the Citadel for a very long time. So maybe I could have gone to Noveria and done the Paragon Point Cheat, but one cheat or another, doesn’t really matter.

The Mikhailovich encounter is another one of those things that didn’t have to be in the game, but is great worldbuilding. Not everyone agrees with the Normandy being built, or the turian design, etc. Mikhailovich is right that some of the things we built here could have been tested in a lab, you know. It was a huge chunk of money, but it’ll be wrong later in thinking it’s a waste. He also again shows that people aren’t sure that working super close with the turians is a good idea, which, again, he’ll be wrong about, but it’s a good thing to see differing opinions on a lot of things.

Anyway, I like this bit not only for that reason but to see Kaidan’s salute.

Finally, after lingering at the dock for who-knows-how-long while the Admiral inspected our ship, we get down to C-Sec, ready to...

Oh what’s THIS now?

Time for another interview, this one a little more voluntary.

Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News.

She’s a character I have very mixed feelings about.

On one hand, well, I used to love to punch her out. And now I never do.

She’s clearly digging for an angle here in her interviews. She’s reporting for humanity, not the council races or galaxy as a whole. But answering her diplomatically here, she’s another character who questions you and what you’re doing, but doesn’t actually step over any lines. It’s more when you get testy with her here, she gets touchy back.

It would be a shitshow with the fanboys I think if you took out the option to hit here. But wow that moment... didn’t sit right, especially when it was an MShep doing it but it’s not a great look for Femshep either. Nobody should hit ANYBODY unless it’s actually necessary. Getting your feels hurt by a few tough, even unfair questions... does not call for punching.

Especially today when we’re already getting scary close to losing freedom of the press. Being diplomatic with her really nets the best responses in 2 and 3, as well.

And maybe if we hadn’t just gotten raked over the coals by Mikhailovich it’d be less grating to then get questioned by a reporter. But I find it interesting how the game keeps pushing and questioning Shepard, and maybe even trying to find holes where maybe Shepard or the Alliance isn’t completely right, or could be questioned.

Damnit, Chorban and Jahleed. Just kiss, already, neither of you are trying to kill the other!!

I do love that Chorban figures everything out based on your scans... just like... a couple of years too late. Anyway, I already finished all the scans, no way I’m not finishing this quest with Chorban for that sweet XP.

And YOU, using a girl with no undercover experience and putting her in Chora’s de-- what’s that? Conrad dies if I end this quest early? SIGH.

Also... Gideon Emery. So you’re fine. All is forgiven. I’ll do your dirty work.

Helena Blake! I DEFINITELY won’t forget to go speak to her, get back on the Normandy, do another planet quest, realize I didn’t speak to her, then go back to the Citadel just to actually pick up this quest, then pretend later on in this update that I remembered to speak to her all along!

I mean, speaking as if I were someone who hasn’t played the next two games, this is DEFINITELY SUSPICIOUS right?

I guess in a way, we did pull our gun on Conrad all along.

Just give me the damn mods.

Honestly, I love this part of the quest because you can COMPLETELY fuck up by being too goody-goody. I have probably had to reload after mindlessly clicking paragon answers more times than I care to admit. This time, I remembered to not obey the law.

The second reason I wanted to come back to the Citadel is that after one planetary mission, Morlan’s Iconic Armor shop (which, again, is thanks to ME1Recalibrated) sells special armor for Kaidan, that looks like his ME2 armor, so he has his own unique look.

A picture from later, once the armor texture is loaded correctly. (Turns out it required a restart.)

I LOVE IT. Thank you, MERecalibrated team! Welcome to Kaidan’s look for the rest of the game.

Let’s head up to the presidium!

Whoops, shoulda brought Ashley along. I’m sure whatever he wanted to talk about can wait til later.

BTW, that gif isn’t sped up.

If you don’t have the console enabled and aren’t setting your out of combat runspeed to at least 800 whenever you’re anywhere you have a lot of running to do, then consider doing so. I’ve found 800 is the perfect amount of fast without leaving me slamming into walls constantly

The annoying thing is that every time you have a major area transition or have to reload the game, you have to do it again, but after the first time it’s 4 keystrokes.

` then up arrow, then [enter], then ` again.

Also your companions may fall behind, but that’s only an issue for the places they have ambient dialog. So mostly I start using it on the Citadel after going everywhere once, and then most of the time on the Normandy and sidequests.

Oh let’s talk to this nice lady. Oh no, her sister has been kidnapped, how sad!

Well, the poor woman deserves my help, I’m sure it’s all on the up-and-up. Sure, I’ll rescue your sister! I’m glad we have this friendly relationship that will be profitable and non-lethal forever!

You DID know that Anderson and Udina comment on each major mission afterwards, right? It took me more playthroughs than I care to admit to discover this.

Also, this is a kind of humanizing moment for Udina here. He tells us how the council isn’t happy that we lost the prothean ruins at Therum, then Anderson stands up for us (we love you, Space Dad), and then he actually really backs off and says in a much softer tone “I know, I know. But we all get judged on how you behave.”

And again, we’re not meant to love how he says it, but um, Udina is right. Everything we do has repercussions throughout the Citadel, and sometimes the Galaxy.

Poor Liara, the only one left without an iconic armor in ME1.

Also, like Tali earlier, she hilariously has lines in quests we turn in or make updates to that she has no business knowing about. I guess she read all the questlogs while traveling back to the Citadel.

While we’re here on the Citadel, let’s take a flycam visit around to the edge of the room, shall we?

So we’re heading out, towards this building, past the Mass Relay sculpture.

What you can see as soon as you’re near it and then over it, is that that building hides the seam where the water meets map.

From just beyond it, there’s the apartment-looking building, for whatever reason you can see through the textures on the other side, leaving just the roofs/floors visible (the slats).

It took quite a while to go this far, but eventually, you can find the invisible wall where the cars spawn from, and not long after, the map ends. The map is very curved, btw, that’s no illusion. There’s no chance you could see this far without flycam.

Looking back, you can see the bridges in the distance, but the Relay sculpture and where Shepard is standing is very far away, quite difficult to see even if the full-sized screenshot.

I love how huge these maps are. It makes the illusions really work and the sense of scale works BECAUSE it is actually just... that big.

Well, back to smaller issues.

Again, a great quest not only from a memorability perspective, but a worldbuilding one.

How does religion work in this galaxy? Well, some people still have it. Enough that there’s laws in governing how people are able to spread that religion. I think that the council actually enacted a fairly sensible law here -- they cannot allow zealots to take over near the seat of government, but also people should be free to worship as they please.

I myself am a person of faith who, despite being brought up in a HIGHLY Evangelical movement, now very much believes that people should be able to worship as they choose, (or not at all!) but also that faith is a private matter and shouldn’t be forced on others.

So yeah, the hanar is being unreasonable, but should still be spoken to with respect. It’s good that this particular hanar takes it well.

I am honestly dying to know how the hanar deal with the absolute proof that the Enkindlers were just... people. I mean we saw the one hanar in ME3 react to Javik, but you have to think that the religion as a whole must get shaken up a great deal after the game ends.

Also... seriously read Mass Effect: Annihilation (the quarian ark book).

Anyway, I like resolving this peacefully and getting the hanar to leave peacefully. Calling someone a big stupid jellyfish is hilarious in the moment, but not so nice once you think about it.

Ah, Michael and Rebekah.

I love this quest because... it’s not cut and dry.

I don’t think either of them is wrong. I think they’re facing a tough choice and they both have good points.

For a long time, though, my response has been that it’s Rebekah’s body, her choice.

But the funny thing was, this time when I was playing, I didn’t see this as just an allegory to a woman’s right to choose. From Michael’s POV, it’s more of an allegory to Anti-Vaxx. Obviously back in 2007 when the game came out Anti-Vaxx wasn’t nearly as much as a concern as it is now, so I love that this small part of the game actually grew more meaningful over time.

Yes, there’s a SMALL chance you could hurt the child from the procedure, but a greater chance of harm if you don’t. I had a harder time choosing this time, like, oh, am I going to lean a bit more towards being pro-choice, or pro-vaxxination? I’m pro both of those things??

I still sided with Rebekah. Mostly because I know the kid turns out OK either way.

Well, for a couple of years, at least.

Emily! You changed your clothes! What’s that? You want me to plant bugs? Won’t someone notice?

Guess not. Not even this bug.

I’m sad that this is the last we’ll see of Emily Wong face to face. But hey, a good reporter, and good person. :salute:

Kahoku... thank you for finding out about Cerberus and telling us. The first time we hear the word I think, in the game?

You will be avenged.

Welp time to head up to the ship and go off on some sidequ--

I mean... Uh, time to go talk to Helena Blake, OBVIOUSLY.

(Also Liara you cannot climb that wall, stahp.)

I love them having just a bad bitch like Helena with her sneaky-plan to kill her business partners so totally above the board by Shepard, but hey, she’s just a concerned citizen giving tips to law enforcement, right? She’s awful, and she knows it, and she’s cool with it.

Well, since Ashley magically appeared in the party without me going to the Normandy AT ALL, as long as we’re here, let’s go talk to Samesh Bhatia

A great moment for Ashley, remembering her friend, and treating her husband with so much care and kindness. OBVIOUSLY we can do this very easy thing for him.

Fuck, this just got a lot more complicated.

I love this quest because it puts you between a rock and a hard place. Again, neither side is wrong. Samesh SHOULD have his wife’s body back. But it IS important research.

For a long time, I didn’t give a shit about the research and would get the body back, no matter what.

But so many more lives are saved with the research. So this time I ask him to understand, and he does. But it never sits quite right, either way.

As my other SciFi favorite franchise* reminds us in one of its most poignant moments... Sometimes the needs of the many do outweigh the needs of the one.

Okay now we’re heading back to the Normandy for the first time this update, and next time, back out into space!

*Star Wars is a Space Opera, not SciFi.

#mass effect #kaidan alenko #liara t'soni #ashley williams #conrad verner #bioware #gaming #video games #annakie's mass effect stuff

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crqstalite · 5 years ago

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WIP Wednesday

so i ended up being tagged three times today, by @that-wasnt-so-bad for scrap pile + WIP wednesday, as well as @ljandersen for scrap pile as well. unfortunately i end up being one of the most frugal writers you’ll meet, mostly everything i write ends up somewhere in a story, and i’m either powering through chapters worth of writing in hours or have nothing i haven’t published. but, thankfully i did actually have a piece i’ve been procrastinating on for a while (nearly scrapped it, so i think it counts), so here’s what i have.

pre-ME2, post ME1 shore leave. shenko...sort of. word count: 1808.

"So...Commander. Is this a temporary station or do you live here full time?"

Kodelyn raises an eyebrow at the question, still stretching out a few muscles in her back. Who knew getting Reaper bits rained down on you would have lasting effects? Two weeks later, she wasn't really supposed to be up and running yet, but Chakwas and the other doctors on the Citadel couldn't keep her down for long. No rigorous activity, they said, exasperated with her after only a few days, you'll pull your stitches and you'll be right back here, commander.

She was lucky they didn't send a nurse to live at her apartment for the next few months. Or however long it would be until they'd lay off and she could get back where she belonged -- on the bridge of the Normandy.

But for now, she was on medical leave. And medical leave meant taking it easy. Which she rarely did, without throwing a literal fit. Which also meant living on the Citadel for the time being because she was still on call, technically. Leave it to Anderson to keep her in the loop without her saying a word. She couldn't ask for better friend.

So here she is, walking through the hospital lobby with Lieutenant Alenko and her duffel over her shoulder, knocking into her hip withe every few steps. Why it hadn't been anyone else to retrieve her, she isn't sure. Possibly because he was the last human on her squad after the investigation into Saren. Possibly he came here on his own volition, as he had for a while after she'd been admitted. But that didn't mean she didn't enjoy this particular company. Still, she's uneasy with her eyes trained on him. Not entirely sure what the night just before they landed on Ilos even really meant, what to think about it. Fraternization was one of the many things she could be tried for, should the Alliance decide to press charges for the fact she stole the Normandy . It'd still meant a lot to her, even if she wasn't sure how to acknowledge it.

He'd asked for it not to change anything. She respects that, of course. But at the same time, maybe she wants things to change. After so long pushing people away, maybe she wanted someone to be by her side as more than a friend. He'd be a welcome one.

Then again she was the single worst person to be keeping secrets with. And the part of her that is the model soldier, the one who could be relied on for her integrity, eats away at her for those thoughts alone.

Would it be so bad to be happy?

So for now, she doesn't think about it, "I have -- had an apartment here. So do my siblings. I think I told you my parents still live on Earth?" A nod from him as the doors part for them out to the open area in front of the hospital's ground floor, "Between all my different postings and everything with the 'Reapers', it's easier to have a home here, be in the hub of everything and not have to commute back and forth every couple of months."

"Right, of course," He answers, turning his attention out to the Presidium and where parts still smolder with debris among the once green nature. His tone softens, "Makes plenty of sense. Uh, where did you live, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Further down in the lower wards of Zakera, actually. They tried to shove me up here with all the uptight brass when I earned the Star of Terra, but I wasn't really interested. Siblings live down there, and with C-Sec stretched thin I couldn't really leave them alone. But now?" She waves her hand out over towards the lower courtyard, "Now they managed to force me up here because of leave, and because somehow they knew that my old place got destroyed. Ease of access for the doctors in case something goes wrong. Better for Alliance to keep eyes on me. Apparently becoming the first human spectre and saving the Citadel earns you a few perks, lots of suspicion, but perks nonetheless."

He chuckles in a way that makes her feel oddly at ease. More than she had in months, really, "Think I'd call this way more than just a perk, Commander."

She bites her lip to keep from grinning, before it creeps into her expression anyways. It was so easy to end up in a good mood with him around, should've been illegal, "Maybe. I still think a whole 'luxury apartment' is a little much. Lali says I can see the whole Presidium from the living room window."

"You haven't been up yet?" He asks, surprised while he presses the button to call the elevator, "It is your place isn't it, ma'am?"

"It is. But considering I was in the hospital for 'so long', I just let her move everything in. Seemed a whole lot easier than coming into a cold apartment with boxes everywhere," She shrugs, and winces immediately after as she shifts her elbow back. She can see his hand flex out of the corner of her eye, probably unconsciously because he'd been their field medic during their hunt for Saren. She offers him a smile instead, if not to comfort his worry than to ease her own pain, "Got plans for the rest of the day, Lieutenant?"

"No ma'am. Any reports Councilor Anderson needed from me are done. Less medical leave than it is a glorified shore leave now," He responds, stepping into the elevator after her, "Not that it isn't appreciated."

"Wait," She says, his hand hovering over the control panel as he turns to her. Kodelyn hesitates for a moment, wondering if she was about to make a horrible mistake or overstep the blurry lines they've drawn in the sand, "Would you -- would you want to come up to the apartment? Far as I'm concerned you spent more time in my hospital room than you did actually enjoying the time off. I could...I don't know make lunch?"

"Commander -- Shepard..." She can see the gears turning in his head, working through problem and solutions faster than she can try to figure out what he's thinking about. She'd seen it the few times she'd flirted with him outright on the SR-1.

"I just offered lunch, not my hand in marriage, Alenko," His cheeks flush at the notion while she leans over to hit the button for the part of the Presidium her new-home-away-from-home-that-got-destroyed-when-a-Reaper-attacked-but-apparently-they-don't-exist was on. Trying not to make it obvious that even she was reconsidering her offer, she steamrolls ahead, " 'Course if you're busy or you don't want to come up, I'll understand."

There's a long pause that she wants to fill with anything but silence, yet holds her tongue to keep from rambling before she says something she wouldn't want him hearing. The one time she wants her omni-tool to ping like it always does in the worst of times, it's surprisingly quiet. Thanks a lot, Liara, she thinks, You don't need anything from me now?

"That'd be nice, Shepard," He finally answers, and a weight is lifted off her chest, smiling again. Yet another thought runs through her head as she does pull up her omni-tool and scrolls through the messages from her sister. Had she gone shopping, or was she promising him noodles from down in the Wards?

Was Lali over right now?

She'd never been that out of the loop before, especially with a place she was trusting her security to for the time being. It's definitely unsettling, and shakes her a bit. However, she closes out the orange and white UI, deciding she'd work around any obstacle there was to this idea. The Council had been one of them to Saren, but she'd managed to bring him down. Finding something to eat with the Lieutenant had to be easier than that, "Got a preference?"

"Ordering in, ma'am?" He asks a question to answer her own.

"No, cooking if my sister did her job," He looks at her sideways, furrowing his brow as if disbelieving her statement, "What? You think that's outside my expertise, Alenko?" She asks, gently nudging his shoulder. She really would've done it harder if her own wasn't already sliding out of it's socket, or at least it feels like it. So many loose screws in her body right now, she wasn't even entirely functional.

"Of course not. You're a talented woman, Shepard. I didn't think it extended to the kitchen, is all," He answers, his tone changing to match her's. His expression changes to one of bashfulness, setting something aflame inside her with the compliment, "Not that you shouldn't be capable of anything you put your mind to, ma'am."

"Stop that, you'll make me blush." She says, trying not to reflexively turn from him, her cheeks burning. He returns it with a grin, and she steps out into the cool air of the Presidium.

Apartment ('luxury', she'd never get over that part. Thankfully as soon as she returned to service on the Normandy she could let it collect dust and not think about how much this cost -- let her parents have it) number 630. She gets turned around for a bit in the new, very shiny complex, trying to keep her head down from anyone who might recognize her and attempting to find the home herself. Lieutenant Alenko is a little more starstruck than she is, to where she finds him two hallways down from her new place admiring the view. They stay for a moment, watching skycars fly by. This is the time that Kodelyn finally sees the entirety of the damage that Sovereign had done, and it throws her for a loop. Within the past two weeks, Citadel forces had been able to do quite a bit of cleaning up, but it was still obvious the station had been shaken.

She'd prevented the worst of it. But people had still lost their lives.

And here she was, still here.

There's a beat of silence before she feels his hand grasp her's by her side. She flinches, "You...did all you could, Shepard. There are a lot of people who have their lives because of you."

"Probably. Doesn't keep me from feeling bad though," His hand drops back to his side, to which she frowns but turns away from the window. If that was going to be a problem, she could at least drop the curtain in front of her own foretold windows in her apartment, "Are you still coming in for lunch, or should I leave you out here?"

He follows wordlessly after her while she waves her omni-tool over the key reader on the door. Flashing green, it slides open.

#mass effect #mass effect oc #oc #original character #kodelyn velasquez #f!shenko #wip wednesday

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missoneminute · 6 years ago

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Thanks to the anon who sent in this translation of this French interview. I have cleaned it up a little and you can read below the cut.

Antoine asks if after spending a lot of time in France and recording his album in France, he must speak French. Peter answers yes, after spending 6 years in Melun, he speaks French (he uses the words 'screwdriver' and 'Asterix' and no one understands why) and says that French is the second language of pop. Antoine asked what pop culture is for him.

Peter's answer: Some think that pop culture was invented to be successful for commercial purposes, and this is not really the case. It's a question of appreciation, the idea is that the pop culture must be able to fit in your pocket and be disposable.

Then Charline quotes some excerpts from his songs, and says he's a genius. If it's not embarrassing to be called a "genius."

Peter answers: It's a pretty nice change because usually I'm treated to other names. Someone shouted out the window at me earlier when I was getting in the taxi, “Fuck off you bender”. So genius balances things.

Then Antoine says they had asked Peter to name a book , a film, a music and a cult series, but he did not answer, so they chose instead. They Oscar Wilde’s The portrait of Dorian Gray. Peter will read an excerpt. Peter says he loves this book because it's scary, because when you live alone in the countryside at 16 or 17, the idea of being 40 is pretty scary, but it has a comic side. As we get older, we go from 17 to 20, 25 years old, it's less and less funny. It's a beautiful book, but a horror story. A horror? He answers, "No, it's pretty nice."

For the film, Antoine chose Confessions of a Child of the Century. Antoine asks if it is true that he knew the scenario [plot] by heart one year before appearing in the film.

Peter replies, Yes, that's right, it was part of the contract. They were worried about whether I could be sure if I was going to be punctual. In fact I did not miss a single day of filming. It is difficult to find a good translation of Alfred de Musset because it was not correctly understood in England. I first read it in French, but at the time I did not know how to read French, so I carried the book upside down.

Antoine chose a 2nd film, Mum I Missed the Plane, but Peter talks about the movie, The Devil Probably, which he thought was great. She then said that I missed the plane is a pop culture classic. Her mother forbade her to go see this movie because she thought it was a satanic movie.

For the series, Antoine chose, Hancock.

Peter says it's a great choice, at the time it was probably the most popular show for music.

Antoine chose David Bowie.

Peter: For me he’s a God, and in 100 years we will still consider them living gods. He was an incredible man.

Antoine: You just celebrated your 40th birthday, I'm curious to know how you celebrate?

Peter: It was very quiet, I did not do anything excessive. [Here he says he did get a bit wild the night before his birthday]. I just wanted to have a little fun with my friends. [He then says if he had a party, it would be a costume party]. In my life, there are all kinds of people who hate each other, so if you arrive costumed, nobody recognizes you it's convenient. So I got this idea. My old friend Carl came to see me, and he sang happy birthday on the piano.

Antoine asks how Peter was disguised at this costume ball.

Peter answers: I was dressed like Carl!

Antoine then talks about the new album and asks what Puta Madres means

Peter: Motherfucker!

They recorded with cameras, microphones, live. Antoine asks if Étretat inspired the album.

Peter: I have two dogs, one husky and one Malamute. And my dogs are free, they can walk in the village, even the police help them to walk freely. It's the only place in the world where you can have two crazy dogs and leave them free.

Charline: Is it true that you play pétanque when you are in France?

Peter: Yes, and to Margate too. In Étretat the pétanque is very serious. One day I had to go play with someone at 5 am. I arrived a little late, and he hasn’t spoken to me since. He says that I am not a serious man because I don’t carry a knife and I’m late for petanque.

When Antoine asks if he "pulls or he points", Peter replies that he does not pull anymore, he smokes it. (Antoine asks not to translate).

Antoine asks what France has in particular to attract so many British musicians.

Peter: In Étretat a guy wandered with his guitar, nobody knows what he's doing, where he comes from, and Étretat has welcomed him. He is staying with someone, he does some gardening and plays of his guitar. It is this way of welcoming these musical refugees, it is the music and also the wine ... it is the wind of the freedom which blows in the heart of the French. He then explains that he composes in calm and solitude. He then speaks of the Bataclan, that it is peculiar to play there, that it is emotionally heavy. Charline asks him what else he could have done as a trade.

Peter: Soldier, bartender, every easily could have been dead. Or a very unsuccessful criminal would have been my fate if I had not taken up guitar. I had some good ideas on it but I cannot tell you here

Charline: And hotelier?

Peter: Is this a criminal activity? Given the price in some hotels, we can ask the question, it's true.

Charline: A new Libertines album is planned for 2020, is that the case?

Peter: Damn we better get working. Yeah we have a studio now, The Libertines, and I’ve been living there. I sacrificed my French dream to keep an eye on things in Margate as caretaker, and now they’ve asked me to move out. And very soon The libertines will be the proprietors of a seaside hotel in Marhate. And Carl Barat has a liquor license, he’s got a sign up in the window and everything. He will be able to sell alcohol between 11am, and 2 in the afternoon I think. And we have a bar that Carl’s called… what’s it called. Peter wants to share the name of the bar, which was named by Carl, but does not remember it. He says that the owner of the Melun house is suing him.

And about the breakfast challenge he managed to eat, he says it's gotten more publicity than all his albums. he says that a guy called, Tiny, a huge guy of nearly 200kg had trouble finishing the breakfast.

He says there was a horrible picture of him after he had finished this breakfast, a photo taken by the cook watching him eat, and this photo became viral.

Charline: What would the 40-year-old Peter say if he met Peter at the beginning of Libertines?

Peter: He would say who the fuck are you? He would say hello, smile sweetly, and they’d walk off hand in hand into the sunset, finally found a friend.

Antoine: What would you like us to say about your musical heritage?

Peter: I would like people to say something about my musical legacy. If people are talking about musical legacy, it means I have one.

About the hotel:

Peter: We are going to have cocktails, shows, burlesque, a piano in a corner. That’s heaven to me on the Normandy coast listening to an audio book by Arsène Lupin, thinking about my musical heritage, switching from radio to station to station.

Back to Brexit, how do you live it?

Peter: It was colder last week than this week, but the foul beast has not yet returned yet. In fact, we do not know how it will be. What I want is to move freely in Europe and all over the world, I love it. Spanish, French, Welsh, English band members. It could be the end for the Puta Madres.

He then plays a song.

#peter doherty

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roslinadama-sinequanon · 7 years ago

Text

Christmas in Connecticut-Chapter 9

I started posting this fic last Christmas but after 8 chapters I got involved in a big BSG Adama/Roslin fic that I was writing and kind of put it on the back burner. I got back into it just as we were moving into season 6 but wanted to finish it so I didn’t leave people hanging like the last time. I figured I’d work on tweaking it and start posting as a lead up to what I naively thought would be a heart warming first family Christmas for the Flynn’s. You know, the one where the newlyweds had just returned home from their honeymoon in Ireland and were planning to have Emily, Ricky, Rusty, Nicole, her husband and two kids over to their new home for Christmas dinner--all while trying to solve a murder. After all, Christmas used to be a happy affair on MC. With the shockingly depressing turn season 6 took I found it hard to be inspired and after the unmentionable event that occurred on December 19th, a day that shall live in infamy, I feel like was curled up in a fetal position unable to even look at fan fiction or you tube videos let alone work on tweaking my own fic. My heart was truly broken.

I have finally pushed myself far enough into denial to be able to dip my toes back into the world of Shandy--but only a Shandy world where Sharon exists, for a Shandy world without Sharon is not a world worth living in.

You will notice I do not mention Andy having a son. I was going to re-tweak that and add him in once we met him at the wedding. Yep, was definitely naïve. But since we never got introduced to him and he was so insignificant Duff didn’t even bother giving him a name. He doesn’t exist--like Andy’s 2nd wife.

So, I hope there are still people out there who still want to read Shandy and for those who do, here is Chapter 9 of Christmas in Connecticut. Chapters 1-8 are already available if you haven’t read them, and if you did, just a little heads up that I did do some minor tweaking on them.You can find all 9 chapters here with more to come.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/13293105

And

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12789981/1/Christmas-in-Connecticut

Oh, there's no place like home for the holidays, For no matter how far away you roam When you long for the sunshine of a friendly gaze, For the holidays - you can't beat home, sweet home

++++

“So, munchkin?”

In bed, curled up in Andy’s arms, her fingertips playing with his chest hair, Sharon could feel his smile against her forehead and nuzzled into his shoulder. “Somehow I knew you wouldn‘t let that one go. Why is it that no matter how old you get when you come home you still feel like a kid?”

“I don’t know, but it’s true.”

“I mean I’m in charge of my life in LA. I put murderers behind bars, but every time I walk through those doors I’m that skinny little girl looking in the mirror every morning to see if my breasts finally started to grow.”

Andy gave a soft chuckle, his hand sliding up over her ribs to cup over a warm full mound. “And thankfully they did.”

She smiled and rested her hand over his, grounding her in the present even as her mind began to wander nostalgically as it often did when she came home to Connecticut. “My life was so influenced by growing up in this house.” She mused. “Did I ever tell you that my grandfather was part of the American contingent in the Nuremberg Trials?”

“He was? No, you didn’t. So, like, putting Nazi’s on trial runs in the family.”

“Apparently so. How sad is it that I’m still fighting a battle against the same kind of people that my grandfather tried to put away 70 years ago.”

“Ah, sweetheart, there’s always going to be evil in the world, no matter how hard we try to clean it up. The world is full of dirt bags.” He pressed a kiss to her temple.

“Hmmm…I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, should I?”

“I think the day we can’t be surprised anymore is the day we need to walk away. I’ve been working homicides for 23 years and there are still times the dirt bags can surprise me. My father was barely 18 years old when he landed in Normandy. He fought all the way to Germany. He liberated a concentration camp with Patton. And he hardly ever talked about it. I wish I could have met your grandfather. I bet he had some interesting stories.”

“He did. So did my parents. Before he was a judge, my dad was a civil rights attorney and my mother was always involved in social justice issues so you can imagine what our dinner conversations were like. I grew up thinking I’d go to law school and get out there and change the world, make it better.”

“Was your father very disappointed when you chose to join the LAPD instead of going to law school like you’d planned?”

“Well, it wasn’t so much a choice as a necessity.” A negative hum rumbled in Andy’s chest, vibrating against her cheek. He knew her history with Jack--how he’d reneged on his promise to put her through law school after she’d done her bit and gotten him through. “I did come to love what I do and it ended up being a great fit for me, but I think my not going to law school disappointed my mother more than my father.”

“Really? I didn’t get that kind of impression from your mom.” Colleen O’Dwyer had been so open and welcoming; Judge O’ Dwyer on the other hand had been a little more circumspect.

“My mother dropped out of college to marry my father so it was very important to her that Chris and I get our degrees and follow our dreams.”

“You think she gave up her dreams to marry your dad?”

“Maybe, some of them. But that‘s the way it was back then. Most women in college in the 50‘s were there more to get an MRS than they were to get a BA or BS. Not that I think she regrets marrying my dad. They have a great marriage, the kind I’d dreamed about having, but I think she regrets not getting that degree. It’s crazy really. She is a very successful woman. She helped my father tremendously when he was just starting out and she raised three children. She’s an amazing mother and she’s always been very engaged in the community. When I was a child, she was always raising money for some cause or another. But for her it wasn‘t just about writing and collecting checks, she got down in the trenches.”

“What kinds of things was she involved in?”

Sharon lifted her head to gauge his level of interest. “Do you really want to know or are you just asking to be polite?”

He snorted. “I’m not that polite, Shar. I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t interested. Everything about you interests me.”

Sharon swallowed past the quick lump that formed in her throat. How had she been so lucky to find a guy like Andy? “It was mostly through our church. People think everyone in Greenwich is rich, but there are poor people here too and there are far less services and resources available to them than for those in big cities with high poverty rates. My mother became a Vincentian, delivering food and clothing to the needy, feeding the homeless, visiting the elderly in nursing homes and the sick in hospitals. She also worked in the thrift store at St. Marys. She used to make Chrissie and I help out sorting clothes at the store on Saturday mornings.”

“Oh yeah. How’d you feel about that?” He had a lot of experience being roped into doing things you didn’t want to do. As a kid, he’d been frequently asked to help out at his grandparents small Italian restaurant when he would much rather have been playing stickball with his friends.

“At first Chrissie and I did a lot of complaining about having to get up early on a Saturday. It was the only day we didn’t have to get up early for school or for catechism and mass. My mother wasn’t too pleased with our attitude and took us over to our closets pointing out all the nice clothes we had and reminding us how lucky we were. She made sure we knew that there were girls our age who never got Manhattan shopping trips to Bloomies and Saks and Macy’s and if they didn’t have the thrift store they would never be able to have new clothes, well, at least clothes that were new to them.”

“Yeah, well, I know how that feels. I grew up in hand me downs, but we didn’t have to go to the church’s thrift store. I had an older brother and dozens of cousins whose clothes got handed down to me when they outgrew them, but I never had much choice in what I wore.”

Sympathy radiated in Sharon’s eyes as she gave him a tender smile. It was no wonder Andy had become the well-dressed peacock of Major Crimes. His wardrobe of colorful, attractive, good quality clothing was apparently in compensation for a childhood lacking in choice. “You’ve certainly made up for that now,” she said.

He grinned. “I guess I have. So, how did it go with you and your sister helping at the store?”

“Actually, we ended up enjoying it. My mother had convinced a local department store to donate some mannequins so we could make it look like a regular boutique, you know, to try to alleviate some of the stigma of shopping in a thrift store. I found that I loved putting outfits together on the mannequins. My mother said I had very good sense of color and style.”

“She wasn’t wrong about that.” His fashionista fiancée had a walk in closet filled with designer labels; Armani power suits, St.John and Michael Kors dresses, Von Furstenburg eveningwear and Burberry trench coats. Her sweaters were cashmere, her tank tops and lingerie, silk. Her shoe rack was filled with expensive killer heels and stilettos, Manolo, Laboutin, Ferragmo--even her casual wear, jeans and t-shirts and boots were Rag and Bone and Ralph Lauren. Sharon didn’t overbuy and she wasn’t obsessed with labels, for her it all came down to good quality, comfort and fit and she was very clever at using the nice pieces she had to create different outfits.

“My mother is so loved in our church and our community. She’s done so much good and helped so many people but to this day, I think she regrets not having her degree and not having options when it came to a career. So, I know everyone thinks that when I decided to put off Yale law to marry Jack and help him get through UCLA that my father was the most upset. He wasn’t. He wasn’t happy, mainly because he wasn’t a big fan of Jack’s but it was my mother who was crushed. I think she saw some parallels between us. I was 20 when I met Jack, the same age she was when she married my dad.”

“But you didn’t drop out of college to marry him. You graduated…with honors.”

Andy’s easy pride in her never failed to amaze her. “Yes, but she knew my dream didn’t end there. She knew I wanted law school and when I said I was going to marry Jack and follow him to California to put him through school first she was afraid I was giving up my dreams on a man she felt was not worthy. Those were her exact words. ‘Sharon I hate to see you giving up on your dreams for a man who is just not worthy. I don’t want to see you have regrets.’ I was so hurt and so angry with her for saying that. I wanted so badly to prove her wrong. But she was right about Jack. Even if I hadn’t gotten pregnant, I doubt he ever really intended on coming back east and putting me through Yale. He turned out to be such a huge disappointment.”

“So, do you regret marrying him?”

“I have regrets, of course. I don’t think you can get to be our age without having regrets. I regret that Jack didn’t turn out to be the man that I thought he would be, that I needed him to be. I regret that my children grew up without a father. But I don’t regret marrying him, no. In spite of whatever pain and disappointment he brought to my life, I wouldn’t have Emily and Ricky if I hadn’t married him. I wouldn’t have moved to LA, I wouldn’t have joined the LAPD, I wouldn’t have had Rusty come into my life and I never would have met and fallen in love with you. So, God bless the broken road, right? “

Andy slid his thumb under her chin and gently lifted her face so he could lean down and touch his lips to hers. “God bless the broken road,” he agreed.

Besides,” she laid her head back on his shoulder, enjoying the feel of his fingers stroking through her hair. “Going through what I did with Jack made me who I am today. As you can see from all of this.” Her gesture encompassed the house. “I grew up pretty sheltered from the hardships of the world. Because of Jack, I had to grow up very fast and learn to be independent and self- reliant. I had to take full control and responsibility for my finances, my children and my career. It made me stronger and resilient. I‘m proud of that.”

“You should be.” Part of his attraction to Sharon had been her complete confidence. Sexy and confident were a pretty intoxicating combination in his book. “But you have more than that to proud of.”

“Hmmm…”

“You said you wanted to be a lawyer to change the world, but you do change the world, Sharon, every day. You take the dirtbags off the streets, you protect the people of LA from threats they don’t even know exist and you give the family of the victim’s closure. You make the world, at least our little corner of it, a better place. And---”He raised her hand, kissing the back of it. “You sure as hell make my world a better place, every single day.”

+++++

After showering and shaving, Andy padded quietly back down the hall to the bedroom he and Sharon were sharing, careful not wake the other inhabitants on the second floor. Stepping through the door, he paused. Sharon was standing by the window, her hand outstretched to allow the early morning sunlight to catch in her diamond. The smile that curved on his face at seeing her admiring her engagement ring faded when he saw a tear slowly trail down her cheek. That tear nearly knocked the wind out of him.

“Sharon?”

Sharon turned to see Andy standing hesitantly in the doorway. He was still in his plush green bathrobe, his hair wet and spiky from his shower, his brow furrowed with concern. Quickly she swiped the tear from her cheek and gave him a wobbly smile.

Andy set his toothbrush down on the bureau and moved to her. “Why are you crying?”

“I’m not crying.”

“I saw you.”

“That was just a tear.”

Andy rolled his eyes. “A tear is crying Sharon. So, what’s making you sad? If you don’t like the ring we can change it for something you might like better, or…”Sharon cut him off by placing her fingers over his lips.

“Andrew Flynn. I love this ring. Why do you think I took it out to admire it? I can’t wait to show everyone and to be able to wear it every day.”

“So, you aren’t having second thoughts?”

“Of course not. I want to marry you, Andy.”

There it was again, that look of sadness clouding the usual bright sparkle in her eyes.

“What is it then? Why do you look so sad?”

“I was just thinking about our wedding.”

“And that made you sad?” She was confusing the hell out of him. Did she want to marry him or didn’t she?

“A little. Like you said when you proposed, we love each other, we trust each other, we’re committed to each other and we don’t need a piece of paper to prove that. We’re already emotionally and physically joined, the only thing missing is the spiritual element. When I think about marrying you I see the two of us at the altar at St. Joseph of Nazareth with Father Stan blessing us, joining us as one.”

“I see that too, and I’m happy to marry you wherever you want. I just want you to be my wife and I want to be your husband.”

“Andy, it’s not going to be that easy. We’re both divorced Catholics. We can’t marry in the church and if we get married outside of the church, we’ll be denied the sacraments. I know that may not be important to you but---”

“But it is to you. I know that, Sharon. There has to be some way to make this work.”

“Annulments, but that isn’t going to be so easy either.”

“You don’t think Jack will give you an annulment? After all the shit he’s put you through, you think he’d deny you your happiness?”

“Have you met Jack? “ Her lips twisted wryly and she turned to stare out the window at the glimpse of Long Island Sound in the distance. Her relationship with Jack was so complicated and she’d made it even more so by staying married to him for so many years, even if they were legally separated. At the time, it had seemed like the best decision, the only decision.

Financially she couldn’t afford to divorce Jack. It had taken years to build back her savings after he’d stolen it and to un-entangle herself from his debt. If she divorced him, he would be entitled to half of her savings and half of everything they owned. At the time that included their house. Her children’s home. There was nothing more important to her than protecting her children. Jack had never been interested in raising their kids, but she couldn’t take the chance that he might fight for joint custody just to spite her. She wouldn’t put it past him. When Jack was threatened, he could be as nasty as he was charming, and she couldn’t risk that, not with the instability in his life and his drinking. By staying married to him, he could visit Emily and Ricky in the safety of her home, under her careful supervision.

But there was more to it than that. There was a dirty little secret that many women would understand. Staying married to Jack didn’t only protect her children. It protected her as well--especially before she‘d begun weeding out all the bad seeds in the department. As a woman, an attractive woman, in a male dominated profession, there were far too many times that promotions came with propositions and that the bruised egos of the male colleagues who asked her out resulted in creating animosity and enemies. Being able to say she was a married woman gave her an out—and she’d had to use it, more times than she liked to remember.

But of all the reasons she’d stayed in a marriage that had been dead for years, the toughest to admit to was her pride. She didn’t fail at very many things, was in fact uncomfortable with failure, so it had taken many years for her to admit that her marriage had failed. That SHE had failed. She was a roll your sleeves up and fix it kind of woman and the acceptance that she couldn’t fix Jack had been hard won.

Still, for all her good intentions, her unwillingness to take that final step that would sever her completely from Jack had come with consequences. Because they weren’t officially divorced, Jack still considered her his wife and as such, he returned to her periodically. She was his enabler, his lifeboat, his safety net. She was the person he turned to each time he hit rock bottom. And as irritated as she often was with his invasion into her life, she was always there for him, ready to lend him money, help him find a rehab or an apartment or even to let him stay with her, platonically, until he could get back on his feet. She’d long since fallen out of love with Jack, but she still cared about what happened to him and there was no doubt that he could be charming, especially when he was down on his luck and trying to wheedle his way back into her good graces. He had a way of making her feel sorry for him and he was the father of her children. While she was no longer interested in a relationship with him, she did want him to have some kind of relationship with their kids, a sentiment that he used to his advantage. He took her for granted, thought she’d always be there to help him and he hadn’t liked losing that when she divorced him and changed her locks. Jack needed her in ways she hadn’t needed him since he’d walked out the door along with their savings and left her with two young children, debts and a mortgage.

“He didn’t fight you on the divorce, maybe he’ll surprise you.”

“Oh, he would have fought me. He threatened to take half my savings and half my pension in the settlement. “

“You never told me that.” Andy shook his head with disgust.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

“ Because it was my battle to fight and you wouldn’t have let it go. There is already enough tension between you and Jack, the last thing I needed at that point was you going after him.”

Andy sighed. She was right. It was no secret that Sharon’s ex-husband knew how to push his buttons and could set him off in a heartbeat. “He is such a fucking prick, Sharon.”

“You aren’t telling me anything I don’t know. The only reason he didn’t fight me on the divorce was because I threatened to take him to court for all the back child support he never paid me if he did.” In the end, he’d signed the divorce papers without contesting, money having won out yet again, over whatever feelings he had for her. And she didn’t doubt that, despite the absences, the sometimes verbal and emotional abuse and the cheating, he did have feelings for her. Over the long years of their separation he‘d continued to feel married to her in ways that she didn‘t with him. He always came home to her thinking he could slip right back into his role as her husband, seemingly surprised and hurt when she didn‘t allow him into her bed. In fact, in his own rather pathetic way she knew he still loved her. She could see it in the jealousy, anger and bitterness he displayed over her relationship with Andy. Jack didn’t like to lose. He hadn’t liked hearing that she was dating Andy and he really hadn’t like hearing that she had fallen in love with him and that they were moving in together. And if he hadn’t liked hearing any of that, he sure as hell wasn’t going to like hearing that they were getting married or do anything to help them in that endeavor. He‘d be more likely to dig in his heels and fight her every step of the way.

“You’ve seen him Andy. Jack isn’t going to let this happen without a fight.”

“Well then, he’ll get one. We’ll do what we have to do Sharon.”

Sharon slid the ring off her finger, put it back in the box and slipped it into her underwear drawer. “We don’t have to think about this today. It’s Christmas and we’re going to tell our family that we’re getting married. It’s a happy time. Let’s just be happy, we can revisit the logistics of our wedding when we get back to LA.”

TBC

#sharon raydor #andy flynn #shandy #shandy ff #shandy family #christmas in connecticut

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ainmunaqadh · 7 years ago

Text

memory log 0.5

Ain’s P.O.V (point of view)

Ishtar Academy. The research facility thats well known throughout the solar system. Here today, me and my batch of students from my school will be going to a trip there. Only the 12th grade year of students of my school had the privilege to go there due to some odd...reasons we students don’t know. Probably because they knew we were all training to become Guardians. Whatever reasons, we certainly didnt want to miss out this chance. Though some parents didn’t really approve of this trip, but after some explanation they seemed pretty okay with it soon after including my strict father. The trip was just a few days trip and just a day at the Ishtar Academy to not make the protective parents worry as it will be our first time into space. It felt like a dream to head to Ishtar Academy. They discovered plenty of things over there. I really liked researching and this could a chance to sharpen my skills for my dream job. A researcher. This was just a day trip and literally everyone was feeling anxious including myself. My father fortunately had a few days off before he go back to his work with Mr. Bray. My father did some lecturers about life choices. Those parent-child talks. You know the thing. He’s a protective dad after all.

Soon enough, the day came and all of us went into the space ship that looked like sci-fi space trains from Mass Effect. Almost like the Normandy but bigger. Once on board, we all took ourselves to our rooms and shared rooms with some friends of the same gender for safety reasons.

“Hehe, I’d be glad if I managed to catch an attention of a fellow researcher. It’d be awesome to do their work!” My friend Lidwina exclaimed as she rises from her bed.”To think to become a guardian and research at the same time, oh wait that’s a Warlock thing.”

Charmaine, one of my friends, looked toward me as she was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed,”Ain you want to be a Hunter actually right?”

I was on my bed, sketching on my sketchbook. I was sketching out myself as a guardian with my own Ghost(which I’ll soon have). Thinking, saving lives and doing good deeds to achieve great sense of honor and nobility.”Yeah, my mentor is a Hunter so I’ll be a Hunter. But being a Warlock doesn’t seem bad either it is?” I chuckle to myself, thinking myself as a Warlock instead of a Hunter.

“Boo. Warlocks are space wizards and nerds. Look Goh, Hakimi, Wong and the others. Nerds and they fit the Warlock stereotype.” Lidwina crossed her arms and did a pouty face hearing my last sentence. All three of us are going to be official Hunters some day. When that day arrives, we’ll all make it worth for us , our mentors and everyone else in our lives.

“Oh please, not all Warlocks are like that. Same goes for Titans and Hunters. Like what if a Warlock can do well with knifes? What if a Hunter wants to float like a Warlock? What if a Titan fights more like a Hunter?” I finished up the final touch ups in my sketch as I indeed looked awesome in my cloak with my mentor Brendan by my side.”In fact, let’s make a bet. If one of us attains both classes, be it Hunter-Warlock or so on combination, the other two losses. ”Don’t jinx it if it happens to me especially. Chances are high if you’re keen on it. Up to the Traveller really.”

Lidwina and Charmaine looked at each other with slight hesitation. I rarely make bets but when I do, I would win no doubt as the probabilities of my winning were like...99.9%. Even so, they nodded and agreed.”Fine.”

Days passed, we finally reach to Venus and there stood the famous Ishtar Academy. I could’ve swear some of us would like to go continue our studies there once we graduated out of high school. We were greeted by some of the professors there and were much welcomed. We were taken around the place and it was huge. Bigger than any university we’ve been to. The professors even asked what job we’d like be to part of aside from being Guardians. They were happy to hear some of us like to continue their higher education here at Ishtar Academy.

“Alright students, I’m sure you all got your piece of papers we just handed out to you. Listen, those lucky enough will have a name written on their paper. If you get a name, you will be spending time with that person who is a fellow researcher here.”

Everyone looked at their folded piece of paper in their hands. Some crossed their fingers and hoped they get a name.

“Alright kids open your paper!”

Everyone then unfolded their papers before a lot of groans and cheering was heard all around. The groans were probably from those who got a blank page and the cheering was from those who got a name. I just stood there in silent. I got a name. Dr Maya Sundaresh. She sounds like a prestigious person from the sound of her name. Her name even sounds pretty.

“Ain you got a name? Wah lucky you!” Lidwina showed her blank paper as she looked quite upset but calmed herself anyway.

“You lucked out Ain. I didn’t get a name either. I heard Goh did. As expected from the top student of our batch.”Charmaine shrugs as she held out her blank page before putting it back into her pocket,”Those who didn’t get a name will go around the Academy with the staff members to the projection room. We’re going on in a 3D simulation project to test our skills as guardians.”

“Ah that sounds grand. Wish I could join but of course I’m going to be with Dr Maya. A real experience.I ‘ll see you both later.” I walked off according to the directions showed on the map to Dr Maya’s lab office.

Once arriving there, I knocked on the door to let her know I was coming in.”Hello? Dr Maya?”

Exoâ€™s P.O.V or Cayde

Still an average day for a fixture like me. Like usual day. I just stood there close by the door way while watching over Dr Maya who was as usual focusing on her research. I still haven’t felt anything. Just this ache in my cold husk that gave up to the ice long ago. Maya will never see me other than a fixture. Nothing else. Because I’m not a living being in the flesh. I was just metal. With not much memories from when I was human, that doesn’t matter. I’ll just remain like this anyway. Unless someone with a good and pure heart came into my life. Chances are pretty grim.

But then I heard a knock and voice outside the door.

”Hello? Dr Maya?”

The door slowly opened as apparently I was the first thing that greeted her. She just looks at me for a moment before she smiled. Smiled. The first time...someone actually saw me as an actual being and not some kind of nutcracker statue or anything that’s usual ignored. Her hair was a soft ebony black and slightly wavy. Her skin a fair colour and her eyes a dark brown like the soil from Earth. She reminded me of Snow White somehow. Her smile...bright as a star that I felt something in me. Maybe my wish was heard.

Dr Maya immediately looked back from her work once the girl entered the room. The girl wore a school uniform. White blouse and a long sky blue skirt. Simple but it definitely looked cute on her. Her wavy hair was long as it was tied up into a ponytail. It definitely added something to her appearance.

“You’re a student from that school are you not? You got my name?” As always, Maya sounded serious but this time she sounded friendly to not scare the girl.”Dr Maya Sundaresh but you probably know my name already.â€”

“Yep!â€ She held out the paper with Maya’s name on it,”I’m Ain! Honoured to meet a researcher like you!”

Ain....that was quite a name. Pretty in fact. Short but pretty. Like herself. Her voice was something else too. Feminine but had a leadership sense to it. This Ain girl seemed like something grand in the near future perhaps.

Dr Maya and Ain immediately got back to what Maya was doing but starting with the basics. Maya told Ain about their research on the Vex and Ain had pointed out a few facts. She was a real smart kiddo. Brilliant like Maya but more...brilliant than Maya. Sure she was nervous and stuttered a few times but it actually made Maya chuckled. Have I never saw her chuckle or even smile before. Ain had that cheerful and happy go lucky aura. Ain even told Maya about her becoming a Guardian soon. A Hunter in fact. Nice choice. Her skills will be fantastic to say from her description of results in her training. It was harsh but important. Maya prepared a lab coat her size. She looked like a mini professor to be honest. Her giggles were really something too. All I could do was just watch even during Maya taking a picture of Ain in her lab coat. I was just a fixture. In the background. Nothing important than metal. At least just to Maya anyway. Ain smiled at me. Maybe she thinks of me differently.

Hours passed and apparently it was time for Ain to gather up with the other students to head back to Earth. I was feeling sad to see her leave. Sad? I actually feel an emotion? That’s a progress. To think a girl like her made me feel this way, may be she’s the actual person I need to see myself better. To put up myself as an individual and not a fixture.

“Thank you Dr Maya. For the tips and everything. Hope that I’ll pass the final exam!” She turns around to walk back to the door way with her own ID card in her pocket. The ID card will give her access to any part of the place, if she plans to return to which I hope so. She then stops for a moment before looking over to me. Her dark brown eyes meeting my aqua blue optics. She smiled at me once more.”It was nice meeting you too.”She then resumed to walk out of the room and Maya just straight went back to her work without gazing at me or whatsoever. Ain was the only that noticed me as an actual person.

Ain is....quite an interesting person to say. Interesting I mean....I could’ve swore...I could have a crush on her. Probably. It was hopeless anyway. I won’t see her again.

Or maybe I will. When I do, I won’t take her for granted.

Ain’s P.O.V

As much as it was interesting to be with Dr Maya, that blue Exo looked intriguing as well. Despite not speaking or all, he just made sure we would be both safe from harm. He was the security officer after all. I see in his optics. Widening whenever I smiled or look at him for a moment. I could’t tell if he felt anything. Dad didn’t specifically say if Exos could feel anything or not. Still, Iâ€™d just smiled just in case so he would’t feel left out. He was quite tail. Normal for a male exo to be that tall. I only reached up to his shoulders. Yes I am indeed small.’

Receiving the ID card from Maya, I put it in my pocket before heading out to the others at the entrance as it was time to head back home. Just then, I stopped to look to the Exo once more.

I smiled,”It was nice meeting you too.” Of course, his optics widen slightly to which I chuckled softly while walking out of the room. He surely was quite of an Exo. Almost good looking. Okay I will admit that. He is rather a good looking Exo but that doesn’t mean I like him...maybe.

Back at the entrance, we took a lot of group photos and even with the professors that were gonna say their goodbyes to us. Everyone else also got an ID card. Just in case we plan to return. Once we got onto the ship, we all got the windows and waved to the professors.

That night, all of us were back in our rooms. Talking about what we did at the Academy. Of course, Lidwina and Charmaine asked me plenty of questions

.“Anything else”

I sigh to Lidwina’s question,”well there was this Exo who is the security officer. He was quite interesting too. He didnt speak but he was always surprised whenever I smiled at him.” I chuckled once more, remembering those moments.

“Ohhhh....an Exo hmm? Never practically saw one myself.” Charmaine crossed her arms and smirked,”Surprised to see you smile at him? That sounds obvious.”

I then punched Charmaine’s, but not too rough,”Oh no no. It‘s not like that. Honestly. I felt his pain of just being in the background. I wanted to make him to feel like an individual. Exos have a mind of their own after all." But I never told them that Exos were actually once humans.”So I did. By smiling at him and actually paying attention to him.”

Lidwina snickered quietly,”awww how sweet of you. Caring for a robot” To which she earned a pillow hit right in her face.

“Anyhow, we should head to sleep. It’s getting practically late.” I was right somehow. It was almost midnight and we were supposed to wake up early tomorrow. And yes I used this as an excuse to get away from more questions.

Lidwina did the pouty face once more before crossing her arms,”Uh fine. But you better tell us more tomorrow. The whole class.”

Charmaine giggled softly hearing this,”presentation. Goh and those who got names will tell their stories as well.” She lies down on her bed before yawning softly with Lidwina yawning as well.

I lied down on my bed with my head on my pillow and my blanket covering myself. We were all indeed exhausted from going here and there.” Will do. Good night you two.”

“Good night..”

I snapped my fingers as the lights automatically switched off with all of us going into dreamland or just a deep sleep.

To be honest, that Exo was more interesting than I thought. I sure hope I can spend more time with him. Or maybe talk to him to hear his voice.

I’ll definitely won’t miss chance.

#destiny the game #destiny 2 #V: Student and Trainee( Pre-Collapse Ain)#Maya Sundaresh #Cayde-6 #OC #my writing #mun rp #THIS TOOK ME A WHILE BUT IVE DONE IT #now I'm sleepy and stressed #need sleep

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sammgreer · 8 years ago

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Mass Effect Andromeda - Review

Despite being a huge fan of the original games, I wasn't expecting too much from this. I felt they had concluded nicely and the universe didn't really seem suited for new stories. How could anything compare to Commander Shepard and crew's fight against the Reapers? On top of that Bioware's last game Dragon Age Inquisition, whilst enjoyable, was mired in the tedium of open world fetch quests and busy work. So when Andromeda marketed its massive worlds and seemed to emphasise combat over the kind of storytelling that had made the originals so successful, I was very cautious.

But against all the odds I really enjoyed Mass Effect Andromeda. A lot. It has numerous flaws, it's a bit of a mess but in reaching for new heights it manages to breathe life into a setting I had convinced myself was finished. Make no mistake though, compared with modern RPG heavy weights like The Witcher 3, Mass Effect Andromeda is a rougher, less elegant game. However it is a lot more accomplished than it may seem.

Its relation to the original games is pretty irrelevant, Andromeda wisely adopts a clean break from that trilogy by removing its story completely from that setting and time. We play as Ryder, part of an initiative to establish colonies in the distant Andromeda galaxy. Cryogenically frozen we awake over six hundred years after leaving the milky way.

Andromeda doesn't put its best foot forward. Instead of introducing us to a thrilling new galaxy, it spends the opening hours introducing a host of characters, many of whom won't reappear after this introductory mission. Those who will are your human companions, also the game's flattest or most irritating characters. The mission itself is a closed, linear affair that deprives you of many of the interesting features that define the majority of the game. It is also where we're introduced to the game's antagonists, the Kett. This initial counter devolves too quickly into gunfire and violence. No mysterious first contact, just a perfunctory introduction to the games cannon fodder. Whilst they're fleshed out later, they never really rise to be more than “the baddies”, fanatics with an inherent hostility. Filling the need for foes in an action driven RPG is fine but something more inspired would have gone a long way.

Once this dull setup is complete you're handed a ship, the sleek Tempest and set loose. It takes a while to unlock all the game's expansive worlds but even on the first, there's lots of sights to see and discoveries to make. Whilst there's also a lot of busy work, the stream lined quest structure means few feel like a chore. Most important of all, the mechanics that make up your time are so enjoyable.

Combat is something you'll be doing quite a bit of, though it felt like it made up a lot less of the experience than the action heavy Mass Effect 2/3. Where their combat was fairly bog standard third person shooting with a sprinkling of interesting powers, Andromeda's combat is a genuinely brilliant affair. The large environments have encouraged Bioware to move away from tight linear corridors and instead emphasise movement to go toe to toe with enemies. Using Ryder's jet pack we can leap not just into the air but also horizontally, combining both movements, till you're zipping between cover and enemies with a pace that almost feels like Bloodborne in the form of a third person shooter. It's remarkably inspired for a series where the combat always felt functional rather than exemplary.

A lot of time will be spent behind the wheel of the Nomad, a space rover and slick re-imagining of the original game's clumsy Mako. This coupled with the jet-pack platforming makes navigation simple but very enjoyable. It helps too that the planets you visit, whilst not spectacularly alien, are pretty stunning with some cracking vistas. Views from your ship as you travel between worlds are also frequently spectacular, reflecting your chosen location on the Galaxy Map. There's variety too, not just visually but in the types of terrain and hazards. I was happy to seek out more quests in spite of some so-so design because I like spending time in this world. One memorable moment came about on a planet with a dangerous, scorching heat where I couldn't find a way to get the rover through a canyon. So I crossed a huge desert flat on foot, dashing between boulders and the shade to recover life support. It was a small moment but gave a thrill to exploration that many similar games lack.

The purpose of all this exploring is to establish outposts on worlds. First you have to make each world viable for colonists, by activating ancient alien structures belonging to an absent civilization the “Remnant” and terraforming the world. These ruins are still cared for by automated machines and they were my favourite among the foes, with distinct classes and behaviours in their ranks. Once you've established a colony and raised the viability of the world, new areas open up for you to explore so that this act of terraforming feels like more than just ticking off a box. It helps too that all this busy work is, unlike Inquisition, entirely optional and the player is free to pursue the main quest as they wish. Though doing so will change how the game's finale plays out, with decisions from various side-quests coming to play in the conclusion.

Of course it's here that Andromeda stumbles, drawing as it does on unsavoury colonialism. Whilst there's some acknowledgement throughout of the issues of colonising alien worlds, including an optional rebuttal against colonialist interests near the end, the game never goes far enough in confronting the implications there-in. It's far more interested in being a thrilling space adventure and to that end it succeeds but as a piece of thoughtful science fiction, it's muddled at best.

But what of the things Mass Effect is renowned for? Well the main story isn't up to much. It's mostly fine, enjoyable and kept me engaged to the end but there's nothing remarkable about it. You go up against some baddies, you give them a thrashing, the end. There's some nice conflicts between the cast and various factions as well as some big exciting set-pieces at key points but the narrative's main thrust is fairly tried and tested. It works well but it isn't great.

The companions that make up your ship's crew on the other hand manage to measure up to the iconic members of the Normandy team. Whilst I doubt they'll go on to become as beloved as the cast of the originals, they're nonetheless mostly well written and developed with a care that's much richer than the previous titles. Rather than merely prompting them for exposition until reaching the requisite loyalty missions, you end up much more involved with a series of missions leading to something more substantial .There's also a great implied life to them, you get the feeling the crew exists when Ryder's not around. They chat between themselves on board the Tempest and when on missions, giving hints of their relationships with each other. Peebee and Drack were the stand outs for me and the chatter between them on missions regularly put a smile on my face.

Even most of the core supporting cast are engaging, with some good performances from Natalie Dormer and Kumail Nanjiani, imbuing their roles with welcome nuance. The minor NPCs that litter the world are far less compelling and the further you go from the main cast, the worse and more tiresome the writing becomes. The biggest flaw with the writing is consistency, with plenty of moving scenes and memorable moments but also plenty of clunky exposition, awkward emoting, especially in the game's opening hours. Hindered too by the already much discussed facial animations which are it must be said mostly a step-up for Bioware but are sadly quite behind most of the competition. Though there's nothing quite as lifeless as the likes of Deus Ex Mankind Divided either.

Perhaps the most surprising member of the cast is Ryder. Playing as either sibling, Scott or Sara (as a nice touch you get to customise both and the other plays a part in the story), Ryder comes across as a younger, more flawed and ultimately more human lead than Commander Shepard. Shepard was always an icon, a hero the galaxy could rally behind. People doubt Ryder throughout and they too seem to doubt themselves, able to show vulnerability. Fryda Wolff and Tom Taylorson voice Ryder in a way that more than lives up to the legacy of Jennifer Hale and Mark Meer.

Thankfully the binary paragon and renegade split in dialogue choices is gone so instead we can much more freely move between various tones and options. This allows you to give Ryder a dynamism that wasn't available with Shepard, where instead consistency was much more greatly rewarded. Neither is Ryder swinging between “good” and “evil”. You feel like you can be rude, cheeky and smug yet still able to make the smart, noble call when the moment calls for it. I had a lot of fun as Ryder, I made her brash, cocky but also deeply uncomfortable with her responsibility. In the end I'm much more attached to her than I was Shepard.

In her boots I got to have fun and an optimistic tone is refreshing after Mass Effect 3. The trilogy's final part is still a standout game but I never quite appreciated how wearying the tone of it was till I got to Andromeda. Here your journey isn't a burden, it is an adventure. It lacks the stakes of Shepard's story but it's also freeing. I felt invigorated when the story came to a close and I'm surprised to find myself keen to spend more time with Ryder and company.

Minor complaints that I found myself able to easily overlook might prove more irritating for others. The user interface for instance often feels needlessly convoluted, with important options buried in menus separate to where they could be more readily relevant. Having to run around the ship to check different menus at different locations, all to see how much of one resource a new blueprint requires is bothersome. There's a also still at this point a lot of bugs in the game though none I experienced were game breaking.

My biggest complaint might seem inconsequential to some but for me the lacklustre score is a real sore point given the memorable themes of the original trilogy. The game's main theme is pleasant enough but so much of the score fails to make an impression. It's effective in creating a suitable atmosphere but it's telling that my favourite piece of music in the game is the reworked galaxy map music from the original trilogy. If Bioware intend to follow this up with sequels, they might want to find stronger music to define this new galaxy and give its cast a stronger identity.

Compared against the titans of the last few years Andromeda feels as much an unwelcome underdog as Ryder does, struggling to find a place in a new galaxy. How much fans of the series will enjoy this new entry will largely depend on just what it was about the previous games that they liked best. There is still compelling characters and an enjoyable plot but there's no Virmire or Curing the Genophage to propel it skyward. Yet there is a consistent thrill of exploration, of small scale drama and neat discoveries. If you want to feel like the hero in a battle against godlike machines, then there's nothing so compelling here. But if you want to feel like a scrappy space adventurer, getting lost in a expansive galaxy with some baddies at your heels, Andromeda is frequently thrilling.

I loved it far more than I ever expected to and though any recommendation comes with a warning of its numerous flaws, I nonetheless endorse it wholeheartedly. Andromeda's too much fun not to.

#Mass Effect #mass effect trilogy #mass effect andromeda #scifi #science fiction #video games #videogames #review #pc #bioware #ea #Ryder #Shepard #Tempest #Peebee #Adventure #colonialism

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ripley95 · 5 years ago

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Echoes of Old Embers

Chapter 7

Pairing: F!Shepard/Kaidan Alenko

Rating: T

Chapter length: 3.5K

Story Synopsis:

Link to Chapter 1 on AO3

Chapter Synopsis:

Shepard wakes up from a restless night and has an enlightening conversation with Kaidan’s oldest sister.

Link to Chapter 7 on AO3

Tumblr Links:

Read the chapter here below the cut:

Shepard had been staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours at this point. It was bumpy and weird. She was pretty sure it was referred to as a ‘popcorn ceiling,’ which was surprisingly fitting, because that’s exactly what it looked like after staring at it for so long. At least it provided a good distraction for her relatively sleepless night, as she began to find patterns and shapes in the spackling of bumps. Or maybe it was just delirium setting in from staring at the same thing for hours. Who could really say at this point? It made her wonder how many restless nights Kaidan may have spent here doing the same thing.

The same Kaidan who was currently sleeping at her side. His feet, an arm’s reach away from her, as he had so gallantly offered to sleep with his head at the foot of the bed after her insistence to share it. She hoped that he fared better over the night than she had. He was undoubtedly sound asleep now, though, which she was grateful for. At least one of them managed to get some rest.

Shepard kept reliving the previous day’s events as she had been trying desperately to fall asleep. The nice meal with Kaidan’s family, getting to see this completely different side to him as part of a family. Seeing the cabin that he and his father built together, and listening to Kaidan finally acknowledge some of his grief. It all felt like she was intruding in his life in someone else’s place. Those were things that Kaidan should have been saving to do with someone special to him and it was making her feel guilty all over again.

She laid on the bed for another moment, realising that dwelling on everything to that degree wasn’t doing her any good. Best not to let her thoughts consume her and try to make the most of her time here. Kaidan’s family was friendly and welcoming, for the most part. The location was serene. She should be taking advantage of all of that before she threw herself back into her work, which she was sure would come sooner than expected. That was a good thought, and she figured she’d have to remind herself that this would all be over soon. Then they could move on with their lives as she had intended.

The sun had started to shine in through the window not too long ago. She figured it would be reasonable to go downstairs and distract herself, even if it was just for a change of scenery. She wasn’t sure how much more of this ceiling she could take. She sat up gently, checking on Kaidan first. He was sleeping soundly, just as she suspected. She wasn’t about to disturb him if he was able to get some rest. She got out of the bed as quietly as she could and put on her N7 hoodie. She left the room, closing the door behind her, proud that she managed to maintain her stealth skills even with her leg still not being up to its old standard and for something so simple as leaving a room without disturbing the other inhabitant.

As soon as she was in the hall, she noticed that the house was still pretty quiet. No voices muttering throughout the house or signs of anyone being awake that she could discern. It was early, after all, so she tried to be as silent as possible as she made her way down the stairs, not wanting to wake anyone else up either. As she made her way to the bottom, she decided it would be nice to go sit out on the porch and enjoy the sunrise until more people started waking up.

She made her way out, sure to close the door gently behind her.

“You’re up early,” she heard, coming from behind her.

The unexpectedness of it made her jump in surprise. Maybe she was more off of her game than she thought. She took a deep breath to regain her composure and turned towards the sound of the voice. It was Raiya, sitting on the patio furniture with a datapad in her hand.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Shepard said, with a bit of a forced smile to try to play it off. Meanwhile, she could still hear the blood rushing in her ears thanks to the shock of adrenaline. “I just didn’t think anyone was up yet. Speaking of which, you’re up pretty early yourself.”

“Yeah. Always been a morning person. Not necessarily by choice.”

“Something we have in common then,” Shepard said as she went over to the porch railing across from her and leaned against it.

“Seems like it,” Raiya said, returning her warm smile.

It was such a contrast from her attitude the previous day that Jane was almost suspicious of the behaviour. She supposed that Raiya hadn’t exactly been mean to her. She hadn’t really been much of anything towards her, so ‘nice’ was a bit of a surprise.

“Are you a coffee drinker, Jane?” she continued.

“Uh, yeah, actually.”

“I’ll go grab you a cup. How do you take it?” she said, standing up and heading towards the door.

“Black is fine. Thanks.”

“Don’t worry about it. And hey, there’s a bunch of family photos on the datapad. Feel free to take a look if you want. Don’t know if you’ve ever seen Kaidan as a baby, but there are some good ones in there,” she said with a smile, before retreating into the house to make the coffee.

Shepard’s vision lingered on the door momentarily after it shut. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to take Raiya up on that offer or not. The urge to get a glimpse into Kaidan’s early years was tempting, but it felt like she would be intruding into something personal. She finally turned to look at the datapad. Then again, looking at old family photos was something that friends shared too. Not to mention that it might seem odd if she didn’t take Raiya up on her offer.

She sat down next to where Raiya was sitting on the patio sofa and turned the datapad on. Sure enough, the pictures spanned a decent amount of time, noting a few of Kaidan when he was quite young. He was a cute kid. He looked so happy when he was little. He had the most genuine smile in every picture. The further she scrolled through the images, she noticed that his temperament began to change as he got older. He started hanging out in the back of the pictures more often, and looked reluctant to want to be included. That bright smile suddenly was absent from all of them, or maybe there was a forced one at best. If she had to guess, she figured this was likely around the time his biotics started manifesting.

He had clearly been through a lot in his life. Especially being so young, and with biotics being so new, he must have felt incredibly out of place. It was sad to think of that only being the first of many difficult things he’s overcome since.

She continued to flip through the pictures. Not too much longer than that, he was absent from the images altogether. She figured it was likely due to him being on Gagarin Station. She found herself quickly scrolling through those ones. Not that she didn’t like seeing the rest of Kaidan’s family grow up, but she was more curious about him.

A decent way down the list, she finally got to one with him and his dad standing in front of the cabin proudly. They must have just finished it, construction materials still strewn about. Kaidan had a genuine smile on his face again. One that must have been hard-earned after what he had just been through. The cabin in and of itself would have been an amazing feat to overcome. Knowing the history behind it now, and why Kaidan was building it in the first place gave real meaning to his smile in that picture. It seemed like he was genuinely starting to heal.

Kaidan’s dad looked especially proud, his arm securely wrapped around Kaidan’s shoulder, with a solemnly happy look about him. Surely, it was a moment to be cherished for Kaidan’s dad, and as happy as he was, he also looked sad for their time building the cabin together to have come to an end. It made her wish even more that she could have met the man, figuring at least in the absence of that, she’s glad to have been able to get to know Kaidan, who has likely inherited a more substantial part of his father than he knows.

She lingered on that picture a moment longer, remembering the previous day’s events. It made her happy that he had such a supportive environment after coming home from Jump Zero to ensure the best outcome for him. She flipped through a few more rather quickly until she saw Kaidan proudly displaying the Alliance uniform. It was truly amazing to see how much a single image could say about a person, because she could already tell the new sense of purpose and pride he held while wearing it. She also noticed the more she flipped through the images, the more he resembled the man that she remembered meeting that first day on the Normandy. His appearance in the photos was becoming more scarce once again, figuring he only showed up in them during the time he was on shore leave at this point.

She slowly scrolled through the photos now, not entirely sure if she wanted to continue. One of these ‘shore leaves’ would have been after Alchera. She knew the kind of pain her death had caused him, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to see the aftermath, yet she persisted. As she scrolled to the next image, she recognized the living room that was on the other side of the wall that this patio sofa was up against now. He was sitting alone in one of the armchairs next to the window. His feet propped up as he was gazing outside, looking like he barely noticed whoever was taking the picture. She had never seen him look quite so empty.

She began to lose herself to his pained expression. She knew about survivor’s guilt first-hand, and she knew that she was the cause of Kaidan going through that himself, but somehow this looked more profound than just survivor’s guilt. He looked like a man whose future was shattered. Maybe she was projecting her own feelings now. Either way, it reassured her that she made the right choice at Apollo’s, guaranteeing that she would never be the cause of that pain for him again.

The sound of the door opening startled her back to the present. At least this time, she was pretty sure she managed to withhold from jumping at the noise.

“Here’s your coffee. Sorry it took so long. Mom has a special reserve to bring out when we have guests. It was the perfect excuse to make myself some too, but I had a hard time finding it,” Raiya said as she handed Shepard a steaming mug.

Shepard offered her a small smile at the gesture. “Thanks. I appreciate the extra effort,” she said, as she set the datapad on the table before accepting the mug.

As Raiya moved to sit next to her, she glanced at the image being displayed on the datapad.

“Ah, that picture,” she said, as she blew on her own mug to cool the coffee down before taking a sip. “I was actually the one that took that.”

Shepard didn’t know what to say to that, so she just glanced in Raiya’s direction, drawing circles on the surface of her mug with her thumb tentatively, waiting for her to go on.

Raiya let out a bit of a sigh before continuing. “I’m not sure if Kaidan’s told you this or not, but I’m a photographer. Always looking for something evocative,” she said in a tone that almost sounded angry with herself. “There was something so raw with his expression, I just couldn’t help myself. Now I regret stealing this moment from him every time I see it,” she said, looking back to Shepard more seriously. “This was actually right after the Normandy went down.”

“I had a feeling this must have been around that time.”

Raiya nodded in confirmation. She looked like she was mulling something over as she took a sip of her coffee. “I guess that confirms that,” she said, sounding mildly hostile.

Shepard wanted to flinch at the bitterness of it. “Confirms what?” she asked, keeping her resolve.

“We all had a feeling he was seeing you back then. Well, I guess we didn’t know it was you for sure, but someone from the Normandy at least. Mom always thought it was you, though.” Raiya studied Shepard’s features momentarily after that. If Shepard had to guess, it was to try to find any denial to the accusation, but Shepard wasn’t about to lie about their past. “Kaidan’s a secretive person, you know, so he never confirmed our suspicions. Dad kept trying to brush it off as survivor’s guilt, and kept telling us not to gossip behind his back while he was going through something so difficult. It worked, because we all ended up giving him his space after that, but still, as secretive as Kaidan likes to think he is, he also wears his heart on his sleeve. Even though we stopped talking about it, we all knew that there was more to it than his guilt from living.”

Shepard looked down into her coffee silently. She was usually tactful with her words and could whip out a response to anything, but for once, she found herself unsure of what to say.

A moment of silence passed between them before Raiya let out a sigh. “Maisie told me what she saw yesterday. The hand-holding. Catching you two in the cabin.”

“Raiya-” she said, wanting to explain how everything was being misinterpreted. She knew it wouldn’t have done any good now, their circumstances being hard to believe after what Maisie saw.

Raiya put up her hand, stopping Shepard in her tracks. “It’s okay, Jane. You really do seem like a good person, and Kaidan seems happy with you, but I feel like I have to say something here.”

Shepard had no idea what to even say in this situation, so she maintained her silence, willing to hear her out.

“If he’s gone back to you, I have to assume that you’ve worked through whatever happened between you two. I know you must have your own side of it. I’m not even going to pretend to know what it must be like to be a Spectre or an N7, or that I know the intricacies of what actually happened to you, whether you were on some sort of secret mission, or in a coma or whatever. But you have to know that he legitimately thought you died. That affected him deeply. It took him more than a year to start to try to move on in any way that was healthy. He closed himself off from everyone. He buried himself in his work, and anytime he was around us, it felt like a piece of him was missing. Obviously, Kaidan’s not a kid. He can do what he wants, and I’ll support him - and you, if that’s truly what he wants - but I just want you to know what’s on the line. You matter to him, and I just don’t want to see someone taking advantage of him.”

Shepard wanted nothing more than to tell her that she felt the same way. That she cared about Kaidan more than she’d ever cared about anyone in her life. That it was the entire reason they’re not actually together now. That she wanted to protect him from that ever happening to him again, but she knew what things looked like between them now. She couldn’t think of any realistic way to tell her that they’re not actually together.

“Look, I’m sorry to have just dumped that on you,” Raiya said after an uncomfortable length of silence had passed between them thanks to Shepard’s contemplation. “I know that none of it is really any of my business. I guess I just need to know… Do you love him?”

Shepard wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to that either. Raiya had a right to want to be protective of Kaidan after everything that he’s gone through. She was even gracious about it, trying to be understanding of Shepard’s side of things, but she wasn’t asking a simple question. Raiya’s gaze was intense, and the silence without answering was becoming overwhelming.

“Yes,” Shepard said quietly, looking at Raiya, almost startled by the admission, herself.

They both took a moment to study each other, Shepard already regretting the words that spilled from her mouth. The hole she’d been digging for herself just got deeper. It was already bad enough with everything that Maisie had seen, but this took everything to a whole other level. She hadn’t lied with that admission, but she knew full well that she and Kaidan weren’t together, and she’d be going off on her own after this wedding was done. She figured there’s no way that it wouldn’t look like she ran off, breaking Kaidan’s heart once again.

After a moment, Raiya nodded in affirmation. “This isn’t exactly easy for me. I don’t ever want to see Kaidan go through anything like that again, but I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, because I think you’re telling me the truth. Kaidan deserves to be happy, and I think he’s found that with you.”

Shepard was still contrite for having gotten herself into this mess, but her bed was made. Now she had to lie in it. “I appreciate that,” she forced out, while her mind was in a state of pure panic. “More than you know. I don’t think there’s any way to really explain what happened, but you should know, he’s more important to me than anyone else I’ve ever been with. If there was any way I could have avoided putting Kaidan through that pain, I would have.” Now she’d really done it. What was wrong with her?

Raiya took a moment to consider that before responding. “I believe you,” she said before relaxing back into the couch a bit more, and taking a sip of her coffee.

Shepard followed suit, relaxing back into the couch, herself. At least her admission was convincing. Then again, she figured it was convincing because it was all true, but was that really a good thing? At the very least, the tensions had subsided. Now she’d have to explain all of this to Kaidan somehow. That didn’t change the fact that she was still here with Raiya, though, so she tried to distract herself with her coffee, wishing that she had never come out of Kaidan’s room in the first place.

“Damn, that is pretty good,” she said, referring to the coffee, not knowing what else to say. “Though, between the hospital coffee, and the Alliance space-grade stuff, I’m probably not all that hard to impress.”

Raiya laughed at that before turning back to her, almost looking regretful. “I kind of just dumped the whole, ‘protective older sibling’ speech on you, didn’t I?”

“Kind of,” Shepard said with a smile. “It’s okay, though. I get it.”

“No, I’m sorry. That’s not normally like me. I never really expected to do anything like that, much less to Commander Shepard of all people,” she said with a shock of realisation. “I guess we all just feel a little protective of Kaidan. He’s been through a lot, you know.”

“I know,” Shepard said, solemnly, fully aware of the difficult life he’s had. “It’s good, though. I’m glad he has so many people that care about him and that he can rely on. You don’t have to apologise for that.”

Raiya nodded in acknowledgement. “Well, I guess with that awkwardness aside, it’ll be nice to be able to get to know you better.”

“You too,” Shepard said, almost as an automatic response. It was genuine, but also filled with complications of knowing she was about to do something resembling betraying Raiya’s trust by not actually being with Kaidan. “Now, if I could only get on Libby’s good side somehow,” she continued. She said it somewhat jokingly as she took another sip of her coffee.

Raiya laughed at that. “Hmm. Yeah, I’m afraid that one’s probably going to be a bit more difficult.” She took a sip of her own coffee, contemplating something. “Actually, I think I might have an idea. Finish your coffee, and then we’ll see what we can do about that.”

#f!shenko #F!Shepard/Kaidan Alenko #f!Shepard #Kaidan Alenko #mass effect #fanfiction #mass effect fanfiction #angst #mini slow burn #friends to lovers #accidental dating #post-war #my fic on tumblr #my writing

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