#(if someone is yelling at you and you remain calm cool and collected)

[spiinsparks]

VI’S HOT TAKES  / anon​ / ACCEPTING !         ↳   send a sonic or rpc-specific topic please !!

       ↳  🔥 + drama

        ||. so... the best way to stop drama is to just  ... not engage in drama.

      TL;DR:  don’t go out of your way to read something that makes you mad. don’t head into a tag you’re 50/50 about. don’t go on social media when you’re in a bad mood whether you’re cranky or just really tired. if you think you are in a state where you might become volatile, just take a step back and do not engage. to be quite frank about it, your anger will not only ruin YOUR day if you allow it to, but once it’s posted onto public, it becomes everyone else’s business even in the cases where it shouldn’t be.

         ... y’all it’s okay to ... NOT publish the mean anon you got. just delete it. don’t give it the time of day. 90% of the time the people who say mean things are just trying to elicit a response out of you. do not give them the satisfaction of engaging their playground taunt with a response. 

         FURTHERMORE in the case where this sort of thing just cannot be avoided: always always ALWAYS take a step back before even CONSIDERING a response. some things just get under our skin. that’s okay. that’s normal! frankly, you ought to listen to your anger. it’s just an emotion that is telling you that something is wrong. HOWEVER. that doesn’t make it okay for anyone to ACT upon that anger. not that anon, and not you. or the people who read it after!

         there is a way to go about responding to your own anger and putting down a boundary with those mean people (and / or the people who want to get a rise out of you) in a way that doesn’t fuel the flames. and part of that is walking away. always, always always WALK AWAY before you do anything else. and if you can’t, then you need to respectfully disengage (ie: delete the ask, in this examples’ case), and get your mind off of it for a while. at least, for until you can work through your thoughts and come back to it with a more level head.          write down your thoughts in a word doc or a journal! go punch a pillow! go on a walk or a run to cool off! drink some water and grab a hot shower; do some TLC!  your anger is telling you that you got hurt, and sometimes we just need to let it out and come back later.

        if , when you come back, that mean thing is still bothering you, then - with the understanding of WHY it’s bothering you under your belt - you can respond. but do so in a way that’s polite, and without an attitude. because the second you respond to the other person with cursing, or sarcasm, or just general spite? you’ve already lost that battle. you have not just received drama, you’ve BECOME the drama for actually everyone else around you. it creates a very... awkward atmosphere.

[stillalive19567]

Beneath The Surface | JenLisa | GxG | Chapter 20

The door swings open, revealing So Hee, her presence instantly shifting the atmosphere in the room. I quickly hide the folder I got from the librarian under the blanket, hoping she doesn’t notice the tension that’s been brewing.

“So Hee,” I say casually, trying to act natural.

She smirks and glances at Rosé. “You coming?”

“Yeah, wait a second,” Rosé replies, her voice light but her demeanor still slightly strained.

As they prepare to leave, I busy myself with my laptop, pretending to focus on whatever screen is in front of me. My mind, however, races with thoughts of The Elite Circle and the potential connections to something darker. I keep an ear out for their conversation, hoping to catch any hints of information that could lead me closer to the truth.

“So, what’s the plan?” Rosé asks, her tone a mix of excitement and curiosity.

“Just hanging out with some friends. You know, the usual,” So Hee replies nonchalantly, but I can sense there’s more behind her words.

“Sounds fun,” Rosé responds, but I can see the uncertainty in her eyes as she steals a glance at me.

I make a mental note to keep an eye on both of them. Whatever So Hee is up to, I’m not convinced it’s just a simple outing.

I start by gathering all the notes and documents I’ve collected so far. Pulling up my laptop, I create a timeline, meticulously matching the dates of when each student went missing with key meetings or events held by The Elite Circle. As I go through the bank statements, attendance records, and any notes on the group’s activities, patterns begin to emerge.

As I step out of our room, the hallway is quiet, a few students passing by, absorbed in their own conversations. I turn a corner, lost in thought, when I notice Lisa approaching. She looks up with a soft smile that lights up her features, and my heart skips a beat.

“Can I walk with you?” she asks, her voice warm and inviting.

I nod, feeling a flutter of excitement as she falls into step beside me. The warmth of her presence radiates in the cool air, making the tension of the day fade away. We walk in comfortable silence for a moment, the soft sound of our footsteps echoing in the hallway.

As I walk down the hall, the atmosphere shifts suddenly when So Hee steps in front of me, blocking my path. She looks at me with a fierce determination, her eyes blazing.

“Lisa is mine,” she declares, pinning me against the locker. I feel the cold metal dig into my back as I glare at her.

“What does it have to do with me?” I shoot back, my voice steady despite the intensity of the moment.

So Hee leans in closer, a smug smile playing on her lips. “Lisa said that she likes you,” she taunts, pushing me harder against the locker.

I can feel my blood boiling at her words. “Listen, touch me again, and I’ll beat the shit out of you,” I warn, trying to remain calm.

But she shoves me again, and I stumble back, falling to the floor. A rush of anger surges through me as I hear someone yell, “Stop it, So Hee!” I recognize Lisa’s voice, but my vision is already clouded by fury.

Rosé appears beside me, confusion etched on her face, but it’s too late. The fire inside me ignites further as So Hee slaps Rosé across the face. That’s it—I’ve had enough.

With a swift motion, I grab So Hee by her neck, pushing her back against the locker. The shock in her eyes fuels my rage, and I slap her across the face, feeling the heat of the moment surge through me. “Lay a finger on her again,” I growl, my voice low and threatening, “and you’re dead.”

Each word punctuates my anger, and I can see the fear dawning in her expression. She tries to struggle, but my grip is firm. I’m not letting her threaten anyone I care about.

“Do you understand?” I hiss, locking my gaze onto hers. In this moment, I feel a rush of protectiveness wash over me—nothing will come between me and Lisa, not even So Hee.

I narrow my eyes at So Hee, my grip still firm around her neck. “Were you held back a grade? Two?” I ask, my voice dripping with disdain.

“Fuck off. Mind your own business,” she snaps back, but I can see the fear in her eyes.

Just then, Jungkook rushes in, his voice echoing in the hallway. “Yah! You mind your own business!” he yells at So Hee, anger flashing across his face. He moves as if to slap her, but I quickly intervene.

“Kookie, stop!” I call out, shaking my head. “A man shouldn’t raise a hand to a woman.”

So Hee smirks, the arrogance returning to her expression. “Yeah, ‘Kookie,’ obey her like a pet you are,” she taunts, trying to regain her composure.

In a split second, I lose it. I slap her hard across the face, the sound of it echoing through the corridor. “But that doesn’t apply to me,” I hiss, my voice low and cold. “I am a woman, after all.”

The shock on her face is priceless, and I can feel a rush of empowerment surge through me. I won’t let anyone intimidate me, especially not over someone I care about.

I take a step back, my posture defiant, as I watch her stumble slightly, the smirk wiped clean from her face. “Next time,” I warn, “you’ll think twice before messing with me or anyone I care about.”

[general--winter]

May I please request headcanons for Sae Niijima falling in love with a fellow lawyer who used to be a cop and seeing them defend themselves against a violent client?

author's note: Ooooo this is a good one!! I had a lot of ideas for this one, but the end result is what I ended up running with. Sae's a pretty complex character, so I hope I didn't do anything extremely wrong with her. I just thought about how she would act in this situation based on my memory of her from the game. This is also based around post-P5 Sae. Enjoy everyone!

rating: teen

fandom: persona 5

pairings: sae niijima x gn!reader

word count: 666

warnings: physical assault, explicit language

summary: Sae's struggles with falling for her cop-turned-lawyer coworker.

Sae was currently engrossed in her podcast as she strode out of her office building two hours late, as usual. Work piled up too much and it was essentially expected that she would take unpaid overtime. Rush hour was in full swing, and taking the train home would be an absolute nightmare, so she was steeling herself for the journey, which would consist of standing on her heels for an hour and a half in a rocking train.

Before she could leave, however, a commotion broke out in the lobby. Through her headphones she sensed someone yelling obscenities. “You god-damn, good-for-nothing attorney! Gonna get me fucking life if you keep up this shitshow,” she caught after pulling one bud out. Her head would whip around to see you, standing with your back rod straight, hands behind your back, while the client was detained by their prison security escorts, spitting in your face with their words. They had it handled, so Sae figured she would leave and make sure you were okay later over text, as you two were acquaintances. The next move of the client kept her gaze glued, though.

She saw the client break free from the hold of the security officers and make a run for you as she turned around to depart. Her entire body tensed up, ready to make a run for it if they were in fact dangerous. But before Sae could process anything, you had stepped to the side, grabbed your assailant’s wrists, and pinned them down with your knee to the tile floor face-down. It looked like a move straight out of Makoto’s toolkit.

Sae would be almost awestruck at this. I think she would genuinely believe that someone who can defend themselves in such a calm and collected manner is pretty… cool. Her demeanor would never give this away, though. Maybe just a raise of her eyebrow.

“Can I get a pair of handcuffs?” you would ask in a quiet voice of the guards. “Preferably a pair they won’t break out of.”

At this point, Sae would turn to leave, her heart thumping oddly. Sure, you two were friends. She knew you used to be a cop, so that move you pulled was probably just standard stuff for you. But it made her heart flutter. Why? She figured your effortless protective actions may have awakened some sort of attraction in her. This was a pointless feeling. You two would remain friends. No ifs, ands, or buts. Sae has no time for frivolous pursuits.

Every day after, however, Sae would find herself losing her composure around you. Stumbling over legal jargon that she has studied for years, spilling a cup of coffee on the floor of the office, just… uncharacteristic mistake. You would ask Sae if she was alright after a week of this. Her response would be a curt “I’m fine.” Maybe she would continue the conversation to ask you about open cases that you two were collaborating on.

“Listen,” you would say. “I know that you’ve been acting strange around me since you watched me put that client’s face on the tile. Are you scared of me now?”

Sae would reply: “No, I’m not. If you intend on talking about this, please contact me after work hours.”

And that you would, calling her when you were free. Luckily, she would be as well, and you two would talk. Sae reassures you that she’s not afraid of you or anything, but you would need to really work the truth out of her. In a fit of frustration, she would yell that she was pretty flustered by that move and couldn’t stop thinking about you in a romantic way.

“Oh? That’s what it is. How about we go to an izakaya tomorrow after work then? Just the two of us.” Had you just asked her on a date? She would act reluctant to accept, but deep inside, she was elated to spend time with you alone outside of work.

[kopawz]

what up gamers it is wip wednesday! this chapter is going to prolly be the longest one. lol

He watched NUR-53 fiddle with more paperwork. The quiet was bugging him, so he asked something else, "So, um. Can I have some food? I'm kind of starving."

"Sure. You can either… order some up at your convenience," They point to the phone resting on the receiver on the bedside table, "OR, since you're off the pain meds, you're clear to go down to the cafeteria and grab something yourself."

NUR-53 pointed to their own empty wrist socket in reference to what Chai was wearing, "Just show 'em your patient wristband, and they'll give you food for free."

Chai moved to sit with his legs dangling off the side of the hospital bed. Something about touching a phone rang a wrong chord with him at the moment.

Looking at the wristband on his, well, wrist, he hummed, "I could probably use the walk down there. My legs need to get un-jellied."

"Alright, go ahead," NUR-53 nodded, as he watched Chai stand and stretch with a slight wobble, 808 hopping to perch onto his shoulder, "Just take it easy. You were in bed for a while."

"Yeah, and… um–" Chai gestured at himself, before glancing over at NUR-53, "Do you… have any idea where they put my clothes?" He gave them an awkward smile, "Not exactly a fan of heading down to the cafeteria with business in front, and party in the back."

They seemed reluctant to tell him, "Your clothes were... shredded and soaked from your incident, so we assumed they were unsalvageable, and discarded them. My apologies, sir."

"Wh–?" Chai quickly stood up from the bed with a wobble. He couldn't help raising his voice, "WHAT? That was my stuff! There was–"

"It's alright! Calm down, please– I wasn't finished. Your friend that arrived with you took care of your other belongings." They fan their arms up in a meek defense, "We can always provide you with something else to wear–"

Chai was at a loss for words, staring at NUR-53 as they floundered to explain their hospital procedures. The words seemed to be flying over Chai’s head when he stood there, clenching his cybernetic arm. They just throw out all my shit–?

808 bumped her cheek his head, and meowed. Chai flinched, and realized he was getting all pissy again. …So what if his favorite scarf went missing, right? He has bigger problems to worry about right now, like his stomach.

He sighed, swiping his hands into his hair, "Sorry for yelling at you, nurse. You're just doing your job 'n stuff. I'm just… hangry. Hungry angry. You know how it is."

"Oh, well, you can still check with our patient's belongings desk, and ask if they could provide you with anything to wear…" NUR-53 watched as Chai walked around themself,

"Do you want us to send someone with you, or–?" As he walked out the door to his hospital room without waiting for them to finish, "Uh, sir, where are you-?"

Chai had briskly walked out of the room to keep what remained of his composure before the nurse could say anything else that pissed him off.

He casually waved at doctors and bots as he strolled past. It was kind of hard to feel cool when your legs still felt like lead and everyone can see what color your underwear is when you go by.

808 meowed, and hopped off of Chai’s shoulder, meowing up at him as she walked between his legs.

"Yeah, I'm happy to see you too, 80HGh–" He stumbled as his ankle bumped into her, "Could you– can you stop trying to trip me?" Once more, she meowed loudly, bounding ahead of him, before looking back to see if he was still following her.

He laughs, turning to walk down a different hallway, "The cafeteria can wait, 808. I'm going to the belongings desk first, I want pants."

Huffing, 808 lashed her tail with an annoyed expression. She ambled after him. Pants shmants…

She caught up with Chai, and sat at his feet, looking up as he spoke loudly to the robotic worker running the belongings collection on this floor. He didn’t seem pleased with what they told him. 808 continuously warbled up at him, rubbing at Chai’s legs, and darted off when he looked down at her. She kept signaling for him to follow her–

"Not now 808, I'm trying to get my stuff back–" Facing the bot once more, an impatient metal finger clanked against the counter, "Look– I don’t care about the junk in my jacket and other crap, but– There was this…"

He gestured vaguely around his neck and shoulders, "Like–? A red sling, or more like… a scarf in there, a little torn, but still– kinda important!"

"Huh? There wasn't a scarf *or* a sling in there when we discarded the scrapped clothes, sir–" They blink with big eyes, confused, "You… really wanted to wear scraps?"

808 was getting fed up with this. She leapt onto Chai’s shoulder, and pinged Peppermint to notify her into looking at her live feed.

In a few moments, her black eyes flashed blue. Tilting her head to see why 808 called her, Peppermint looked through her cameras. Chai was awake! He was already out of his room, and was already bothering this robotic worker.

Chai threw his arms out, gesturing lividly, "I just said I don't care about the clothes. There was definitely a red scarf with cool pins on there– How do you even lose something like that��?"

"Chai?" A paw pad poked his cheek. "Stop harassing hospital staff,"

808 leaned on the side of his head, as Peppermint spoke through her, "I had 808 bring me your scarf when you got here so they wouldn't chuck it out with the rest of your ruined clothes."

"...Oh." Now he feels stupid for making a big deal out of it. Chai scratched his cheek, quickly looking at the poor frazzled worker, "Uh– sorry? I didn't really know–"

They shrug, "Eh! It's okay, I didn't know either. You wanted some pants before you head out?" Chai only gave a short nod in response.

The belongings staff hummed as they got up, and shuffled beyond the glass between them and the counter. They reached into a plastic drawer, pulling out and unfolding a dark blue pair of warm-looking pajama pants adorned with a star pattern, and wide bottoms at the leg cuffs.

Chai tugged the pajama bottoms given to him onto his person, one leg at a time; he's only human, after all. The pants were pleasantly fuzzy. He waved another unnecessary apology to the staff, "I can always give them back later once I grab my own clothes–"

"Nope," They shook their head, and resumed their game of solitaire on the desk's computer, "Cleanliness protocol, and all. Keep 'em."

Chai shrugged, and left towards the hallway that held the elevators to access more floors of the hospital.

Peppermint chimed in, "Yeah, Chai– Get down here and get me some breakfast already."

"Woooow," He drawls out, smacking the elevator button, "I wake up, and the first thing you want from me is free food? Can’t you ask me how I'm doing first?" Chai steps inside, and 808 hopped off to latch to the button wall.

The elevator's reflective mirrored walls gave him a better look at his reflection than the vague glass in the overhead lights in his room. His bed head was very noticeable.

Peppermint has 808 push the ground floor button, and hops off to look up at Chai, rolling her eyes, "I was getting to that, genius." 808 tilts her head up at him, "So, how'd it go?"

"Hmm? How'd what go?" Chai had leaned forward towards one of the mirrored walls, and was smoothing down and fussing with his messy hair.

"The mom thing."

"...What?" He squinted in confusion at 808’s reflection at the bottom of the mirror, "I'm gonna call her, if that's what you're worried about, Peppermint."

Chai turned his attention back to messing with his hair. "I'd rather have some breakfast in me, first."

"No, I thought–" She paused, confused. Peppermint could have sworn she saw 808 lead Clove into the hospital– Wasn't she supposed to lead her up to Chai’s room?

808 looks back up at him, "...When did you even get up, anyway."

Chai shrugged into a hum, patting down an unruly cowlick, "Mm... I guess nearly five minutes ago? The nurses said I'm good to go at eight–" His face gave a slight pout at the idea of mandatory therapy, "Once CNMN sets up an appointment for me or whatever…"

The cowlicks inevitably rose up again, sticking up in peculiar directions. Chai looked over his shoulder at 808, "Why d'you ask?"

"...So you haven’t talked to–?" 808 shook her head of the plan for now.

Peppermint sighed, and had 808 hop up onto Chai's shoulder, "You know what? We can worry about that stuff later. Come meet me in the cafeteria for breakfast, we can hang out until CNMN shows up. He’s still charging from the long way back."

“Works for me.” The chime of the heavy elevator doors opening ahead of Chai drew him away from messing with his hair, "...Long way back from what–?"

A gaggle of NUR-53 startled Chai with their presence in the hallway, “Oh, uh–”

After a moment, the tall, bulky HS-P1 in the middle of training the impressionable rookies had noticed him stepping out of the elevator. They tilt their large hat to Chai with a slight of a winged arm, "Good morning, Ambassador. Feeling any better after your big battle?"

Chai wasn't sure why their voice made him flinch. He held onto his rattling arm to fight the weird leftover feeling from vague repeating fever dreams, "Yeah? Feeling better. Mostly just… hungry."

"Ah, I see," They pointed down the hallway with a sweep of their wing, before looking back to him, "Cafeteria's right that way, this walkway opens out into a big dome, can't miss it!"

Chai already knew where that was, but he didn't need to tell the HS-P1 that when they were just trying to help. He laughed awkwardly at the group as they stared at him. "Mhm– Thanks. Excuse me–" He maneuvered his way around the bots gathered in the hallway.

…Why is he still so on edge around these guys? They weren't nearly as scary as in his dreams. Whatever. Let's focus on something else.

The cafeteria was the same as it usually is when Chai winds up in this place from some unlucky blunder.

[perilegs]

I am normal about your characters so

10,14 and 23 for Nøkk

1 and 3 for Ati

and 17 for Anode >:3

ahh thank you! i'm also very normal about them 😌 (asks here)

Nøkk:

10. What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC? This is a bit basic but companion au!! Obviously he's got the whole dark urge thing going on when it comes to his personal quest, but I'd like to explore other aspects of it, like what sorts of things he would tell of himself, how would his romance be? Are there things that would make him leave the party and so on!

14. How does your OC want to be seen by other characters? Nøkk is so very particular when it comes to how others perceive him, especially at the beginning of his journey. Ideally, he'd like people to think he's a fun, charming guy, with a sexy amount of mystery to him. Despite that, after a long time, he does come around to enjoying those close to him (and ONLY those close to him) seeing through him.

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express? All of them. He's been bottling every emotion besides bitching and moaning since the dawn of time. No but if i had to pick one, I'd say he has a hard time processing his fear. I know I talk a lot about him being so very afraid of everything and being at the brink of a panic attack a lot of the time, but that doesn't mean it's easy for him to process. It just fills up his mind and leaves no room for thinking about it, or, well, anything. For expression it has to be love. He can imply that he loves someone, but he'd die before explicitly expressing it.

Ati:

1. What memory would your OC rather just forget? What happened with Tamlen is one of the most traumatic things Ati has gone through. The vision of him touching the mirror never to be seen again keeps Ati up at night, she can't help but wonder if there was something she could have done. But as awful losing him and having to live without knowing what really happened to him for a while was, seeing him as a darkspawn haunts Ati. At least she got some closure after having to kill his husk of a body, but she wishes she'd never laid eyes on it in the first place. It's better to know, but it would have been far better to know without having to see the face of your best friend sick and warped beyond recognition. Ati wants to remember Tamlen how he was, not his husk.

3. What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw? Ati's story isn't really a tragedy, but the common element in all of her downfalls has been having hope. It's a beautiful thing and keeps Ati going, but in some cases, it also eats her alive. She knows the taint will take her in 30 or so years. Yet a big part of her believes she'll overcome this. It's hard to put things to rest when you have hope.

Anode:

17. What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise? Making Anode find out her right hand, her most trusted person, was the one who betrayed her that fateful night (getting tadpoled night). All this time she's had this worm in her head, the mere image of Ion has been enough to make Ati trust someone. She feels beyond betrayed. Stabbing Anode in the heart and twisting the knife would cause less agony. But, that's not bad enough on it's own, so I'm also making Anode have to stand face to face with Ion in an environment she's not allowed to blow up in, where she has to remain calm, cool, and collected. Where she can't show a single emotion. She wants to blow up and explode sending sparks all around her and yell and rage. She wants to take Ion's hand in hers and ask her a million questions. She wants to break down and sob. But the show must go on and such.

[miracleweaponhunt]

Miracle Weapon Hunt Chapter 15: Inariu's Most Eligible Bachelor

The four of them walked in to Dakarai’s apartment, on the top floor of a large apartment building. As soon as Roxanne walked in, she ran towards the tap in his kitchen and put her head under it, letting the water flow into her mouth.

“Will she be okay?” Dakarai asked, looking concerned at Julian.

“Unless the food there is known to kill people, I think so.” Julian nodded with a sigh.

“You doing okay, Roxanne?” Cassandra asked.

Roxanne gave a thumbs up as the water flew full force into her mouth and splashed onto her face. Her mouth was still numb, and probably would be for a while. Suddenly, her stomach started making violent rumbling noises. Her digestive system caught up with her.

“Crap.” She whispered. “Dakarai, where’s your bathroom?”

“First door on your right.”

Roxanne dashed out of the room leaving the taps on, and Cassandra followed her, leaving just the men alone with each other.

“So…nice place you got here.” Julian said calmly. It was a pretty cool place. Calming green walls with a pretty large tv, as well as what looked to be a pretty expensive sound system. And behind him was a wall of nice looking right shoes on a clear shelf.

“What’s with the shoes?”

“Eh, collecting them is just a hobby of mine.” Dakarai asked. “I always have a spare lying around for some reason.”

“Legion scars, right.” Julian sighed. “You know, on that topic. I got a question for you.”

“What would that be?”

Julian lifted the hair obscuring his left eye socket, and Dakarai remained unmoving.

“You lost your eye to the New Legion?” Dakarai asked.

“Yeah. First attack they landed, too.” Julian nodded. “So I just wanna know if I can get anything like with that girl.”

“Well, it’s easier to modify a hand then an eye, anyway.” Dakarai sighed. “I don’t think anyone’s asked for something like this before.”

“Well, you’ve done glass eyes, right?” Julian asked. “How hard would it be to modify one of those?”

“Pretty hard, I think. Nothing on the level of the hand mods I’m doing.”

“Okay, what about a disguised glass eye. Like a glass eye that’s secretly a bomb, or something?”

“I don't think I'm okay with putting a bomb in someone's face.”

“It’s more of a weakness thing than anything else.” Julian sighed. “The whole mission where we had to protect the Saoloro bow. Roxanne got her leg broken and Cassandra got strangled. She probably would have died if she didn’t have regeneration abilities.”

“And you couldn’t do anything?” Dakarai asked.

“I couldn’t do shit!” Julian yelled, grabbing Dakarai’s shoulders. “Look, if you have anything to fight with, I’ll take it!”

“Well, an idea for an eye modification just crossed my mind, if I can develop it.”

“Go on.”

“I’ll need to test if it could work, but it shouldn’t be too hard to get a prototype working. First thing tomorrow I’ll mess around in the lab for it.”

“And this is probably gonna sound ridiculous, but what’s your experience with bears?”

“Bears?”

“Well, I fight with an undead bear that I fuel with my magic, right? But the bears arms have gotten weaker every time I reattach them, so I’m wondering if you could put magnets in the middle or something to reattach them easier?”

“So you want to work with me to create a zombie cyborg bear?”

“In essence, yes.” Julian nodded.

“Well, if you bring the bear to the hospital tomorrow, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Okay, crisis averted!” Cassandra announced as she and Roxanne walked back into the room. “But your better off using the neighbours bathroom for the next…month? Month and a half?”

“Any idea what’s on TV?” Roxanne asked, trying desperately to change the subject.

“Yeah, it wouldn’t hurt to check.” Julian nodded in agreement. Time to spare Roxanne from...whatever's going on.

Dakarai turned on the TV, flicking through the channels.

“Just tell me if you see anything you like.”

“Hey hey hey!” Roxanne yelled out. “Is that Dark Matinee?”

“Oh yeah, it’s on in five. We all cool with that?”

“Sure.” Cassandra and Julian said in unison.

The four of them sat on Dakarai’s long couch. Cassandra leaned on Julian’s shoulder after taking her jacket off. Julian returned the favour by taking his beanie off. Roxanne copied them by leaning on Dakarai’s shoulder.

Then the show came on. The show about two people who met in a dark party and were trying to reunite. But in the current episode, the show’s heroine was caught in another relationship with a man with a secret history of severe tax fraud. If he got caught, she could go down with him.

“So what, all the proof he’s a criminal is behind that door?” Julian asked, watching the girl approach the door.

“Yeah.” Roxanne replied, leaning forward with her eyes glued to the screen. “Come on…come on…”

The girl was about to open the door, only for the man to dramatically grab her wrist and twirl her against the wall, looking into her eyes with a devilish grin.

“No! No! Come on, it’s right there!”

“So he slammed her against the wall, and we’re just gonna ignore that?” Cassandra asked.

“It’s romantic!” Roxanne yelled.

“I mean…okay?”

The two continued to play up everything, including the time they got into the bedroom.

“Ah, so that’s why the miracle guys are so into this show.” Julian mumbled as the admittedly extremely hot people got undressed.

“Okay, how does a leg bend like that?” Cassandra asked.

“Maybe she’s flexible?” Julian mumbled.

“Don’t get any ideas. If she doesn’t pull a muscle doing that it’ll be a miracle.”

The episode ended with the two on a date, the credits playing as the woman heard the voice of the man she met around the corner.

“Wait, what?” Roxanne yelled, pushing down on Dakarai’s shoulder. “That’s how it ends? But he’s right there!”

“Guess we’ll have to wait for next week.” Julian replied.

“But…but…come on!”

“Well, that was entertaining, but I’m pretty tired.” Dakarai announced with a yawn.

“Same here.” Julian nodded trying to match the intensity of his yawn. It was a decent attempt. “So what are the sleeping arrangements?”

“Well, I only have one bed, but I could put a blanket on the couch if it’ll suffice.”

“Yeah, that’ll be good.” Cassandra replied with a thumbs up.

“Would the three of us fit?” Julian asked, looking at the couch. He was the tallest, so he’d be at bottom. Then with Cassandra next to him. And then Roxanne on top of Cassandra? That just sounds uncomfortable.

“I mean, how big is your bed?” Roxanne asked.

“It’s a…standard double bed.” Dakarai replied, glancing at the other two.

“And how cold does that bed get?” Cassandra asked while silently chuckling to herself.

“It's pretty warm and condensed here…so not very.”

“Oh, right. Well, I mean…if something happens to my leg, wouldn’t it make more sense for you to be close by?”

“Well, I mean…if we need the space, then sure. You can sleep in my bed.”

“Excellent.” Roxanne said calmly as the two of them went into his bedroom. A relaxed place with the same colour walls as the other place. There was a bed in the centre of the wall with blue bedsheets. Next to it was a wardrove, and above it was a shelf with some books on building.

“Nice place.” Roxanne said.

“Thanks. I try to keep it clean.” Dakarai replied. He undid his ponytail, letting the dreads flow around him.

“Oh yeah, mind if I get into some sleeping clothes?” He asked.

“Oh! Yeah, go ahead.” Roxanne yelled out.

Sleepwear. She forgot about sleepwear. She could sleep in her underwear, maybe? On the first date? Wait, does this even count as a date?

“Sorry, but you happen to have anything I can wear going to bed? I left my stuff back on the airship.”

“Oh, sure. Just check the drawer. Haven’t done laundry in a while, though. So sorry if the choices suck.”

Roxanne dug through the choices. One was a dark purple pair of shorts, they’d work fine. But there was only one shirt. A light purple shirt that just had ‘nasty girl’ written on it in black letters.

“Is this the only thing you have?” Roxanne asked.

“Probably.” Dakarai sighed. “Look, my brother gave it to me as a joke.”

“I mean…okay?” Roxanne turned her back to Dakarai and took off her clothes, replacing them with the ‘nasty girl’ shirt. She felt really stupid wearing it. Something about the shirt just felt so…nasty. The word was right in front of her, and she was too tired to describe it better. She then put on the shorts, hoping that Dakarai wasn’t looking.

She turned around, and Dakarai was shirtless. Surprisingly well built for a guy who hangs around a lab all day. She turned around again. She’d be getting into a bed with this guy.

“Well, I’m ready for bed.” Dakarai yawned. “Night.”

He turned off the lights and hopped into bed, and Roxanne hopped in with him. She tried getting into a good position. Eventually she had her back right against Dakarai. He didn’t say anything, so she went to sleep with one word in her mind.

Progress.

[writerleo86]

Terravenger - Season 5: Part Two - The Cyberian Empire Planetary Arc - Episode 425 (Do Not Copy)

   Above the grasslands near Cade Street floated the two young cyborgs along with swarms of their mindless drones.

   The male cyborg called Three of Nine laid his right palm forward and gave a vicious grin.

   "Take it easy Three," Four of Nine informed him. "We need two of the Homo sapiens alive to offer the Collective."

   "Relax," Three of Nine responded. "I'm just going to tenderize them a little. I am owed a great battle after all."

   A small ball of shiny green energy was formed from his right hand as Three of Nine gave another grin.

   "Both the chosen two," He implied. "They won't be harmed by this."

   And he dropped the ball.

   "Jade Ball!" He whispered.

   The ball fell closer to the soldiers and exploded into a bright pale-green light which blinded all of them including their captain.

   Hodder yelled out "What the hell's this?"

Terravenger -- Season 5: Part Two -- Episode 425:  The Great War -- A Vicious Encounter

   After that, the youth Three of Nine flew down as the other -- Four of Nine -- waited near the dark clouds.

   Four of Nine gave a soft chuckle as she held her umbrella on her right shoulder with both hands.

   And she said "This should be fun."

   Hodder began hitting the air on both sides using his large steel hammer which made the confident Three of Nine stopped as he remained above.

   "You have some fight left?" called the young cyborg. "Do you want to dance with me?"

   "Careful everyone!" announced Hodder. "One of them is coming!"

   McKennah shielded her blinded eyes with her left wrist as she yelled "You're right! I can hear them!"

   Three of Nine flew a few spots up and replied "You all can hear my movements? How cool!"

   Rian responded "I can hear him too! It's the guy!"

   "This is so cool!" commented Three of Nine. "They don't have to use their eyes to find me!"

   The male villain quickly appeared at the other side above the blinded soldiers.

   "But can they catch me in time?" questioned the young cyborg.

   The large swarm of drones remained near the clouds along with Four of Nine until many of them were shot down by a barrage of small balls made of bright pink energy.

   Then Four of Nine turned around as she asked softly "What is this?"

   Someone fell down from the black clouds and faced the swarm of the cyborgs including the elusive Four of Nine.

   "And who might you be?" She asked.

   The newcomer was revealed as the daring girl from the Quaisar Armed Forces called Pixie. She had pink eyes, fair skin, pointy ears, and a slender body. And her short light-pink hair was worn out. She wore a sleeveless pink top with a short green shirt that was shaped as many leaves. She had on a pair of long maroon tights that lowered to her ankles. She also had on a pair of short brown boots. And her QAF badge was placed on the right side of her chest.

   She said to the wicked swarm "One of you idiots had the gall to murder my love, Tai Ravenstone. Now I'm going to do him and everyone he cares for in this city a huge favor. And that is killing as many of you as I can."

   Pixie placed both her hands forward. She soon created a larger ball of pink energy.

   The large ball slowly floated above her as Pixie called out "Light Release! Crying Fairy!"

   And a barrage of smaller orbs fell from the large sphere at the many enemies.

   Four of Nine shielded herself from the shiny projectiles using her large umbrella as many of the drones were hit.

   Meanwhile, another person flow to the back of the fairy-like girl.

   It was the calm general of the Midas Armed Forces called Kastano. He wore his long dark hair in a high bun while wearing a rectangular crown that had white at the top and blue at the bottom. And on the bottom of his crown was a golden design which was at the center. He wore a long blue dress-coat with long sleeves and golden designs. He had white pads on the top of his shoulders, white pants, and long black open-toed shoes. He also had his MAF badge placed on the left side of his chest, a long white sash tied around his waist, and a thick dark ring around his left finger.

   A small ball of black fire rose from each finger of his left hand. Then Kastano lowered his left hand and the small fireballs fell onto the blinding projectile made by Three of Nine.

   "Yin-Power Seal!" Kastano called.

   The blinding projectile soon faded away. And the soldiers below including Hodder were able to see once again.

   After that, Kastano wrapped his arms in an X pattern before him.

   "Three-Fire Curse Seal!" He called.

   He unwrapped his arms. Then a long strap made of pale-blue energy fell from each hand. Both straps quickly formed into many strings which wrapped around many of the cybernetic drones. And the strings began draining the energy from each drone.

   The soldiers from the Midas Armed Forces including McKennah and Rian flew up and fought against the swarms of remaining drones while Hodder did his best against the young Three of Nine.

   Hodder tried to smash his opponent multiple times using his large hammer that shined a fiery red light. And Three of Nine escaped using maneuvers such as forward rolls, backward rolls, cartwheels, and pirouette spins.

   Four of Nine soon appeared above Hodder who quickly spotter her. The female began her assault by stomping with each of her feet as she held up her unwrapped umbrella with her right hand.

   Hodder blocked every strike using his hammer until the other youth -- Three of Nine -- appeared in front of him. The cyborg quickly twirled around in a clockwise pattern and blew out a Left Mid Side Kick. The attack pushed Hodder away as Four of Nine blew toward him. She quickly threw a Right Side Kick to him after she twirled around in a floating-clockwise pattern. And Hodder pushed to a small mountain away from the battlefield.

   Finally, the ailing Hodder stood up from the rocky mountain and faced the two cyborgs who stood together at the other side.

   Four of Nine held her opened umbrella to her right shoulder with both hands once again as she gave a soft laugh.

   Three of Nine placed his left hand on his waist as he asked "Are you having fun, Four?"

   "Actually yeah," answered Four of Nine. "I felt some sort of rush just now. This is the type I haven't had in so long."

   "I told you!" yelled the excited Three of Nine. "You were missing out on this! I knew all you needed was this -- Destruction, Violence!"

   "What is this?" cried Hodder. "Do you think this is a game? Threatening our peaceful city? This entire planet?"

   He picked up his hammer with both hands. And Hodder tried to bash both of them. But Three of Nine blew a small wave of wind from his right hand which pushed the general back onto the wall.

   "Do us a favor, Old Man," Three of Nine told him. "Don't make this easy."

   Hodder began charging for the pair with his hammer once again. He pounced into the air. And the general fell toward the enemies as he spun his weapon above his head.

   "Fire Release!" He yelled. "Rage of the Gods! Attracting the Heavens Technique!"

   A white fire lit from his hammer as Hodder tried to smash both his opponents. Both the cyborgs dodged the attack by jumping into the air.

   "Wow!" called Three of Nine.

   And a shocked Four of Nine reported "That attack could have flattened us."

   "This guy!" cheered Three of Nine. "I knew he would be a good vessel! She is definitely going to love him!"

   Hodder flew toward them as he swung his weapon in a clockwise pattern with his left hand.

   "Fire Release!" yelled the general. "Rage of the Gods!"

   He throw a downward slash with his hammer which blew out a large wave of white fire to the pair.

   "Forbidden Garden!" ended Hodder.

   Four of Nine threw her opened umbrella forward and spun it around as the projectile flew closer. And the spinning of the weapon negated the burning wave.

   "What the hell?" cried Hodder.

   "Hey!" yelled Four of Nine. "I can do that too!"

   After she stopped spinning it, the female cyborg performed a downward slash with her umbrella which blew out a large wave of white fire.

   "Natron Clap!" She softly cried.

   This projectile blew Hodder face down on the ground. And both feet of the other -- Three of Nine -- bashed the back of the helpless general.

   After he pounced of Hodder, Three of Nine turned his victim over using his left foot as his right hand remained on his waist. Four of Nine walked to the left side of the other cyborg as she continued holding her umbrella on her left shoulder with both hands.

   "Well, I'm spent," said Three of Nine. "But I'm happy that we tested this guy."

   "So am I," claimed Four of Nine. "He will make a perfect addition in the Collective. He shows great promise."

   "How about we knock this guy out," Three of Nine told her. "Then we can wrap him up and send him directly to our queen."

   Four of Nine kindly shook her head and answered "Sure. Let's bring this guy to her."  

   The female cyborg placed her left hand forward as Three of Nine gave a sly smile.

   Before she was able to do anything, Four of Nine was stopped by the quick McKennah Roberts who struck with her right fist that glowed golden energy.

   After the two cyborgs gathered further away, they both found the determined McKennah standing in front of Hodder who remained laying on the ground.

   "Well, well, well!" implied Three of Nine. "It's the other vessel coming to save her superior."

   McKennah placed her right hand on the ground as she yelled out "Earth Release! Mighty Shield of Ceres!"

   A large globe of stone rose from the ground and surrounded both soldiers as McKennah rose up. Then another person rose from under the ground to the guarded pair.

   Rian Simms wrapped the right arm of the injured general around his shoulders.

   He helped Hodder onto his feet as McKennah ordered "Get him to the hosptial ASAP!"

   "Alright," said Rian.

   "I'll hold these two off for you!" added McKennah.

   "Roberts!"

   Hodder slowly lifted his head and mumbled "Be careful! Those two... battle as a unit. Don't... Don't fight 'em alone."

   "Don't worry about me!" replied McKennah. "I'm just gonna hold 'em off until reinforcements come by!"

   "Okay," Rian told her. "Just be careful. Alright?"

   "Always am!" McKennah claimed. "I'm a Ravenstone! It's what we do!"

   And Rian lowered back into the ground along with the ailing general Hodder.

   The globe of earth soon dropped into pieces as the fearless McKennah faced the pair of devious cyborgs.

   "So the big guy got away?" asked Four of Nine.

   Three of Nine gave a quick chuckle and responded "We'll catch up with that guy later. But we still have our other candidate standing before us."

   "That is true," said Four of Nine.

   "Hey ya bastards!"

   McKennah yelled to them "Come and get me... if you dare!"

[lyrasfuneral]

𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝟐 𝐆𝐎! | 𝐑𝐀𝐍 𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐈 ☆.

tw: mentions of drugs, liquor, smoking, killing, shooting, gang/crime syndicate affiliation, cursing, Ran’s under the influence in half of the fic (there’s no smut), and i THINK i mentioned cigarettes and pills.

category: fluff / funny/crackfic(??).

Ran knew you were hard to get. From the very first day he met you, he made a bet with himself to marry you. You were Takeomi’s younger sister, and since Mikey knew you, he had no problem with you coming to HQ.

Takeomi told Ran not to even engage with you, he’d be damned if Ran corrupted his little sister with this Bonten shit. Then there was Sanzu… who didn’t even mind. Each time Sanzu saw you he’d give you a small wave and keep going with his day.

“Excuse me.” Ran said, gaining your attention. “Yes?” You spun around on your heel, e/c eyes connecting with his purple ones. “You dropped this.” Ran hand you your keys with a smug smile. “Nice pick-up line, you could do better though.” You chuckled, walking out of the headquarters.

“Dumbass.” Sanzu snickered, covering his mouth as Rindou and Kakucho began giggling like little kids. “Shut up.” Ran scoffed, sitting in his seat. “No one told you to try and get our sister's attention. I’m sure she would’ve come back to get her keys.” Takeomi shrugged. “I think it’s funny,” Mikey said with a dead expression.

“W-Well, you could at least smile, boss.”

“What if I DON’T want to smile?”

“O-Ok…”

When you first met Mikey, you two instantly became friends. You liked hanging out with Mikey and your brothers, which is why you came to headquarters a lot.

But, that isn’t the focus. The focus is on you and Ran. The only encounters you two had was when he picked up your keys and when he introduced himself to you. You didn’t have an eye on anyone in Bonten. They were all dangerous, including your siblings. At least you can use them for your leverage. It’s like having scary dog privileges.

If you haven’t been in that type of situation before, thank whoever’s in a higher power. You were currently trying to put your keys into the keyhole of the door until someone grabbed you. “Stop struggling, bitch!” He yelled. “You seem like YOU’RE the one struggling!” Y/N hissed, punching the male in his gut.

You were doing good until a loud gunshot rang out. You thought you got hit, but that’s not why you fell and covered your ears though. You never did well with loud noises. That’s why you didn’t enjoy occasions where they were popped.

“Y/N, it’s Ran. Your brother’s coworker.” Ran said, trying to grab your attention. “What are you doing here-! You know what… Just come inside.”

“I have to get rid of him first, give me a second.”

You stayed inside by yourself for a good 30 minutes. That was enough time to calm yourself down and collect your thoughts. “I’m back,” Ran smirked, taking his gloves off. “Yeah… That’s cool. Why were you even there?” Y/N asked, crossing her arms. “Dunno. This is my usual route home. There’s only one car I know that’s F/C.” The man shrugged, causing you to scoff.

“Well… You’re not fucking Bruce Wayne so I don’t know if you want the key to the city or something.”

Ran’s smirk remained the same as he got closer to you. His eyes were low and full of whatever dirty thoughts were running through his mind. “I’d prefer a kiss.” He said, putting a finger on your chin as he gently lifted your head. “Oh? I’m sure you’re not a virgin. Here’s a tip— Go to the local club, right? Find a stripper and BOOM! A nice little kiss.” Y/N pulled away from Ran.

“Someone’s playing hard to get.” Ran scoffed, walking towards the door. “Thanks for saving me, Haitani. I’ll pay you back one day.” Y/N gave him an awkward smile as he left.

He didn’t expect you to repay him.

He didn’t know why he listened to the 4 of his coworkers. He shouldn’t have gotten drunk that night. Rindou knew his brother couldn’t control his liquor, but he was too drunk and high to even care.

2 bottles of Hennessy and like 5 blunts? Oh, best believe Ran was seeing double and hearing shit. “Ran, you’re sweating,” Kakucho said. “Take him hom- Where’s Rindou?!” Sanzu gawked, looking around the club. “Probably with some whore. I don’t know why he’d run off though, he’s our fucking ride!” Kokonui hissed, throwing money at the strippers. “‘M gonna go outside for a minute.” Ran said, voice falling on deaf ears.

He had never been this drunk/high in his life. He couldn’t even unlock his phone to call a taxi, uber, or Lyft. He was seeing double and his ears were constantly ringing.

Mikey would’ve killed him. Someone who can’t control their liquor or handle their high shouldn’t be in Bonten. What if an adversary came and shot him dead? Wait- Don’t think that- Now he’s crouching down in front of the club trying to shake his thoughts off.

“Ran..? Are you alright?”

“Who is that?” F/N looked toward Y/N with a confused expression. “He’s… my brother’s friend. Go home, I have to get him out of here.” Y/N shooed her friend away and shook Ran’s shoulder.

“Oh..? Y/N. I’m seeing shit, aren’t I? You’re probably Rindou.” Ran snickered to himself, letting his head fall back on the brick wall of the club. “Ran, it’s me. Y/N, ok? I have to get you out of here. You’re drunk… or whatever the hell is going on with you. Did you get drunk?” Y/N pushed Ran towards her car.

“Rindou… Take me home, fucking jackass…” Ran mumbled, falling into the passenger seat. “I’m not that conceited bastard! Takeomi’s already gonna be mad that I took you home!” Y/N slammed the car door in anger.

Once Y/N got in, Ran was drawing on the car window with his finger. “Ooooo… Rindou, I drew a butterfly- Kinda looks like Kokonoi, doesn’t it?” The two-toned male chuckled deviously, throwing his head back against the seat.

Y/N tried to ignore Ran and whatever the hell he was on, but he continuously got on her nerves by either turning up the radio, calling her Rindou or just talking shit about Kakucho.

“You know… Rindou. Takeomi’s sister’s super pretty. You want some nieces or nephews?” Ran asked, looking out of the window. “What are you gonna do? Fuck her and leave her?” Y/N jokingly snorted, turning her blinker on. “No. I’m gonna marry her and have a big family. I’ll steal her number out of Takeomi’s phone.” Ran plotted, smirking deviously.

“You’re really stupid, Ran.”

“You’re stupid too, Rindou.”

Y/N handed a water bottle to Ran, watching him fumble with the cap. “Drink it. Hopefully, it sobers you up.” Y/N tried her best not to laugh as Ran turned the radio up. “You know… Rindou, your car looks fuckin’ different. Reminds me of Y/N.” Ran said, feeling the car finally park.

Y/N had to drag Ran in and put him on the couch. “Rindou… Are we in a hotel? Looks expensive, if you break stuff and we gotta pay, I have Kokonoi’s card number memorized.” Ran said, laying on the couch. “Mhm, everything’s gonna be alright… Ok, Ran?” Y/N frowned, watching his eyes shut.

A blanket was placed over Ran’s body as Y/N kept a gloomy expression on her face. She ended up staying up until 5 AM watching some random show.

When Ran woke up, he was completely oblivious to the events that transpired, all he knew was that he was at YOUR house on YOUR couch when he was clearly at a club with his brother and friends. “Y/N-? Y/N, wake up.” Ran said, shaking you awake.

“Oh… I was supposed to wake up earlier and cook breakfast.”

“N-No… You don’t need to do that for me. Why am I here? Did I do something?” Ran asked, watching Y/N stretch in her seat. “I was out with my friend and saw you in front of the club looking like you were dying.” Y/N shrugged.

She ended up going into full detail on what he said, did, and acted. Ran instantly choked on his spit as Y/N stifled her laughter. “You’re easy to laugh at Ran. I don’t think you realize the things you do or say until someone expresses how they feel towards you.” Y/N said, taking a sip of orange juice.

“I do know what I say. I mean everything that comes out of my mouth, Y/N. I’m not some random guy who just fucks every bitch he comes across.” Ran said, getting closer to Y/N. “Is that right, Haitani?” Y/N smiled, feeling Ran wrap his arms around her.

“Yeah, it is.”

Ran leaned in for a kiss and Y/N pulled back. “You’re an idiot, Haitani! That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen since I and Senju hid Takeomi’s cigs. Thanks for the laugh.” The woman said, walking towards her bathroom.

“Shit… Do you need an Uber or do you want me to take you?”

“I’ll… just ask Rin to take me.”

Ran was so embarrassed that he waited outside for his brother to come— And let’s just say it took him a good 50 minutes to even get his older brother.

“What the hell happened last night? You look stressed!”

“I’ve got a long way to go, Rindou.”

“Dude, what the fuck are u talking about ☠️?”

————

Basically, I wanna make a part two and upload way more diff fics, but I honestly might not be able to due to school :(

☆.

[bucksfucks]

  𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙪𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚

      TFATWS EPISODE THREE SPOILERS.

summary┃the plan was simple. get in, get out, and always remember rule number three; no one gets hurt.

pairing┃tws!bucky x f!reader

word count┃1,935 words

warnings┃dubcon elements, soft!dark!tws, semi-public sex, choking, spitting kink, metal arm kink, soldat kink, death threat, degradation, mocking, orgasm denial, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex — 18+ ONLY//MINORS DNI

notes┃PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ANY MENTIONED ELEMENTS.

     “Is the plan understood?” It’s Zemo who asks the question, nodding to each of you as you all exchange looks before heading your separate ways.

    When you enter the scene, you can feel the floor shaking under your feet from the bass. Drinks are passed around with bodies floating through the space.

    “And I thought we knew how to party in New York.” Your voice is muffled over the music, but you know Bucky can hear you.

    “I haven’t partied like this ever.” He has to yell back in order for you to hear him as you both laugh.

    You have to push your way through the crowd before stopping at where Sam and Zemo are left waiting for you.

    Zemo nods towards Bucky, Bucky taking in a deep breath before giving him one nod.

    He’s wearing something you’d never seen him in; Winter Soldier gear sans the mask.

    “Longing.” You can see the twitch in Bucky’s metal fingers.

    “Rusted.” It gets worse as he tenses his jaw.

    “Furnace.” You have to look away when you see the pained look in his face.

    Sam looks at you, a look that tells you to stick to the plan so you drift back and mix into the crowd.

    You were nothing but a distraction, a distraction that would hopefully buy you guys some time.

    But something went wrong.

    Something always goes wrong.

    You can see the obvious and evident switch in Bucky—there’s something more sinister in his eyes now as he watches you move from side to side; standing completely motionless and trained on you.

    There’s a moment of realization when you realize just what’s happened.

    A moment of oh fuck before he’s striding over to you and grasping at your upper arms.

    “Come with me, Bunny. We have some unfinished business.” His voice is low and calm, parts of Bucky shining through, but you can’t seem to find him in his eyes.

    “Bucky,” you try remain calm, but his hip is firm and you know that this is a battle you won’t win in.

    You can’t help it when your voice falters in fear, but you can’t afford to bring any attention to yourself.

    Sam is elsewhere, Zemo in tow as your eyes dart to find them—at the bar, drinking.

    You were all alone, you had no backup; Bucky was your backup.

    He was no longer Bucky, but the Winter Soldier.

    “I said come. Don’t make me put you over my shoulder.” He threatened as you swallowed thickly.

    You quickly search for Sam or Zemo, but they’re long gone. The distraction worked and they’d be proceeding with the plan.

    What they didn’t know is that Bucky wasn’t Bucky.

    It didn’t feel like a threat, you felt your pussy jump in excitement at the prospect of Bucky’s hands on your body.

    Your feet moved instinctually through the crowd, lead by Bucky as he took one final scan of the room to make sure that you were alone; that no one was following you.

    You didn’t feel helpless, it was more than you felt like you were under a spell—inclined to do whatever Bucky wanted.

    Suddenly you were slammed up against a wall, the air being knocked out of your lungs as you let out a pained hiss.

    “Scream, and I’ll kill you.” He looked feral.

    “Try to fight back, and I’ll kill you.” Darkness consumed his eyes.

    “Do anything other than what I tell you, and I’ll kill you.”

    You want to scream, to kick and fight back—you know that you damn well could put up on hell of a fight.

    But you don’t.

    Instead, you submit and comply.

    “Yes,” you whisper, watching the smirk spread across his face.

    “There’s my good girl. A dumb and stupid, but a good girl.” He purrs, running his gloved finger down your cheek until it’s hooked under your chin.

    You whimper, lip shaking with your sharp inhale.

    “Bucky,” you croak before your face is tightly gripped between his fingers as he snarls and shows you his teeth.

    “You will call me, Soldat.” He rasped, dark and sinister with no mercy in sight.

    A silent mewl escaped through your parted lips as you shut your eyes tightly, trying to steady your breathing as your heart begged to be set free.

    “What’s my name?” He asks you, a test of your loyalty as you pry your eyes open.

    “Soldat,” you whisper back, a pleased smile on his face as he hears the syllables leave your lips.

    “Good, maybe you aren’t as useless as I thought.” He snickers, dropping your face but trapping you against the wall with his flesh forearm against your neck.

    Your airway is constricted for a second, laboured and painful before Bucky is pulling you off of the wall.

    “Follow me,” he barks, tugging you by the back of the neck until you budge.

    His strides are long as you’re forced to keep up with him, walking through hallways so robotically with a stiff body.

    You don’t know where you’re going, but the booming music is getting softer.....quieter, straying further and further out of your reach.

    Bucky’s shoulders look huge, absolutely massive in the tight leather outfit he’s wearing. You know he’s in there somewhere, you just don’t know how to reach him.

    But maybe you don’t want to.

    Suddenly, you’re pushed against a wall, with his metal hand covering your mouth as your eyes go wide and you try to gasp.

    “Don’t scream, Bunny.” He purrs, smirking as you hear two sets of footsteps go past you, completely unaware that there’s someone else in their presence.

    Your heart is in your throat when he removes his hand, tugging you off the wall again so he’s holding your entire body weight up with his arm.

    “Good girl, you learn quickly.” He praises, finger hooked up your chin. His lips hover right over yours, brushing them slightly—just enough to leave you wanting more.

    There’s a flutter in your stomach, a feeling akin to when you’ve gone over a large hill or descended on a roller coaster; exciting and terrifying all at once.

    “I’ve always been so,” he trails his finger down your jaw, “intrigued by you.”

    You don’t know what it means, but you want to.

    You’re shoved into a small room, a closet that barely fits the two of you. It’s dark and smells like aged wood.

    His thigh is wedged between your legs, “always following orders.” He hums against your ear, nipping the skin below it.

    “A Soldat’s dream,” it’s dark, the way he refers to himself.

    “You’re gonna let me do whatever I want to you, Bunny.”

    It’s not a question, you don’t have a choice, you’ve unwittingly sealed your fate as he meshes his lips against yours.

    It’s overwhelming; his thick, padded thigh creating delicious friction against your cunt. Or the way his teeth sink into your bottom lip, tugging it to hear your soft whimpers.

    You feel the wet, hot tell-tale signs of tears roll down your cheeks as Bucky pulls away to cradle your face.

    It’s dark but your eyes are fully adjusted. It’s just too bad that you can see nothing else but darkness in his eyes.

    “There’s no need to cry, Bunny,” he cooes, ���I will take care of you.”

    You’re unsure why you trust him, why you feel your body giving into him, but that’s what happens next.

    A sinister chuckle passes through his lips as he tugs your pants down.

    “I can smell you already,” he hisses, his cock hardening against your hip.

    “You can try to fight me, Bunny. But your body tells me that you want this, that you need my cock filling you up.”

    Your pussy jumps at his words, breathing ragged and heavy as the ache in your core burns right through you.

    Your mouth falls open when you hear the whirring of his bionic fingers massage you slowly through your panties.

    “I never said I wouldn’t make this enjoyable for you,” he smirks, watching you closely as your hands go to the vest he’s wearing.

    He snarls, grabbing them at your wrists and lifting them over your head as you shudder at his strength.

    If he wanted to kill you, he would’ve already.

    “Maybe you are stupid,” he hisses. “Did I give you permission to touch?” He asks.

    He nudges your clit with more force making you squeak.

    He wanted an answer.

    “N-no, Soldat.” You croak, feeling an sensation of...fulfillment when he smiles.

    “Good little Bunny.” He sing-songs, “so wet and responsive.”

    You gasp, mewl, arch your back as he slips two vibranium fingers into you. A shiver runs down your spine at the coolness of them, your walls welcoming them warmly.

    “Can you hear that?” He asks, “hear how fuckin’ wet you are?”

    You can, you can hear your wetness coating his fingers as he pumps them inside of you.

    It’s absolutely filthy.

    His other hand drops your wrists to your sides, flesh fingers crawling around your neck.

    “Look at me, Bunny.” You don’t need to be told twice as your eyes shoot open.

    “Open that pretty little mouth of you,” his voice is low and raspy, but collected despite his aching cock pressed against your hip.

    His thumb presses into your bottom lip, folding it down to encourage you to open your mouth. Which you do, because he’s just too damn compelling.

    You gasp back a moan, thick digits inside of your cunt now brushing that sweet, sweet, sweet spot as you watch Bucky’s saliva trail into your own mouth.

    “Mine.” He growls, forcing your mouth closed, watching you swallow.

    Your heartbeat reverberates in your ears, blood soaring to and from your heart as you feel yourself clenching around him.

    “All. Fucking. Mine.” His words send you toppling over the edge, legs shaking and convulsing gently as he has to hold you up as you come.

    There’s a zip, a tug of something, a gasp for breath as you feel his cock at your entrance.

    “There’s no running now, Bunny. I’m gonna consume you,” he snarls, pushing himself past the threshold as he groans at the feeling of your wetness.

    You’re forced to dig your fingernails into the leather of his jacket—clawing at it as you relish in the stretch.

    He grunts with every powerful thrust, his chest colliding with your chest as he holds you up with ease.

    He’s using you. Eyebrows taut as he focuses on one thing and one thing only; his carnal instincts.

    “Shut up,” he seethes, shoving his fingers into your mouth.

    They’re cool, tasting like your own arousal and something you can’t quite decipher.

    “Say my name, say it.” He pants into your ear, something in his voice breaking.

    “S-Soldat.” You choke out, trying to focus on the words that are coming out of your mouth.

    “My name,” he whispers, “say, my name.”

    Your heart hiccups as you open your eyes, “Bucky.”

    He’s there, he’s looking at you—holding you tightly as you can see the same light in his eyes that you did just an hour ago.

    “Bucky.” You say with more conviction, more confidently as you crash your lips on his.

    “Your name is Bucky.” You whisper against his lips, feeling pleasure seeping in through your toes and spreading upwards.

    The air is thick and hot, sticky and wet as you both catch your breaths.

    You don’t trust your own legs to hold you weight, but when they hit the solid marble floor, you don’t have a choice.

    “My name is Bucky,” he whispers, holding your face in one hand.

    “But you are still my Bunny.”

[tobesoalive]

latch (Sam Kiszka x reader)

hey guys here's the little Sam enemies to lovers smut that was requested! idc if it’s a bit cheesy, I had a ton of fun writing it so please please please send in more requests! I love helping your ideas come to life! 

Warnings: Smut (Oral-f and m receiving, fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex)

Friday had finally rolled around and you were more than ready. After a long week of classes and work you were more than ready to have some fun tonight. You and your roommates were going to have some people over tonight to celebrate your second year of college almost being over. You had come up with the idea last weekend and quickly made a list of who all should be invited. There was one person on the guest list that you were dreading to see, no other than Samuel Kiszka.

You had met a kid named Danny Wagner in your first class freshman year, and you two became fast friends, sharing many of the same interests and hobbies. Together you and Danny were a dynamic duo, and you always made each other laugh. People often thought you were dating, but he already had a beautiful girlfriend back home. Danny also had another person constantly attached at his hip, Sam Kiszka, you’d almost think they were the ones dating.

Sam was a lanky kid with sharp features and an extremely annoying god complex. He really thought he was the absolute shit and that everyone was in awe of him. Quite honestly many people were, but you saw right through it. You found him to be arrogant and rude, and you were always disappointed to see him when you went over to Danny’s place, even though he was his roommate. Sam would often show up unannounced at your place too, mostly with Danny, but a couple of times he showed up alone. You were always polite, inviting him in like the good host you are, and you two ended up watching a movie together, and much to your surprise, in these times he was almost tolerable. Almost. He would make a snide remark or joke that would infuriate you, but he wouldn’t stick around for long, usually having somewhere to be. That somewhere was usually the bed of another girl, but they probably didn’t just watch movies.

That was another reason you couldn’t stand Sam. Last year you had a crush on him and he would do the thing where he would play with your emotion, hang out with you and flirt with you only to immediately go and fuck random girls. It hurt you, a lot, but you eventually got over it, losing the romantic feelings, or rather pushing them deep down where you’d hope they’d never surface again.

Now people were going to be at your house in an hour and you haven't even showered. It didn’t really matter though, you weren’t all too concerned with what other people thought of your appearance, so what if your hair was a little wet. You quickly rinsed off in a cold shower, then changed into a simple outfit for the night, flared corduroys and a crocheted tank top.

That was the other thing, you’d think you were exactly Sam’s type, he seemed like he would be into girls who were more artistic and down to earth, but all the girls he hooked up with seemed like they spent most of their time thinking about themselves. Not that there was anything wrong with those girls, you weren’t the “pick me” type, but it seemed like Sam would care about that kind of thing. Whatever, you don’t even like him anyways, he’s more of a nuisance than anything.

You had finished a seltzer by the time people started arriving, the playlist you and your roommates curated playing throughout the apartment. Being with your friends always made you very energetic, and people always said they liked being around you. You could get a crowd laughing in no time. People were coming through the doors and when there were about 75% of the people there, your partner in crime finally arrived. “Wagner!” you shouted across the room in a dumb accent, already a little buzzed. “Where art thou good friend?!” Danny yelled back, matching your accent as you two finally made your way to each other, wrapping him in a friendly embrace. “Where’s your obnoxious sidekick?” you whispered into his ear.

“Don’t worry he’s here. I know how you were just dying to see him.”

“Oh aren’t I always?” you responded with a sarcastic smile

“I still think you need to give him a chance, you’d probably really like him.”

Before you could even respond, he was running up behind Danny and lifting him up by his waist.

“Well if it isn’t dumb and dumber!” you exclaim before Sam comes up and wraps his arm around your shoulder.

“Oh come on (y/l/n), you love me!”

“Haha good one Kiszka, now why don’t we do something I actually love.”

“And what would that be?” Danny questions.

“Take a shot and dance our asses off!” you yell. If you were going to deal with Sam you needed to be a little more intoxicated.

You gathered your roommates and the boys and took them to the kitchen and got out the glasses.

“To friendship!” you yelled

Right then you caught danny say something quietly, and it looked like he was saying “Or more than friendship”

That made you stop for a second before throwing your head back and downing the shot.

“Ok let's get back out there” your roommate says as she pulls you by the arm.

You spend about the next half hour dancing with all your friends, taking hits of joints and drinking. You and Danny did a silly little dance you had come up with last year when you would get drunk in your dorms and do dumb shit. Mid-routine he slipped and pulled you down with him, both of you laughing your asses off. You felt someone grab your arm and help you up as the song changed, “Latch” by Sam Smith blasting through the speakers, one of the best party songs probably ever. The person who had grabbed you wrapped their arms around your waist, swaying back and forth with you to the music. You loosened the stranger’s grip and spun around only to be met with the face of that little shit, Sam.

“C’mon kid can’t you at least try to tolerate me for one song”

“Who ever said you were intolerable?” you respond, admiring how the dim light highlighted his features.

He leaned in close to your ear and lowly whispered in it “You think I can’t see it. Whenever you’re around me you act like it’s charity work.”

You pull back to look him in the eyes and say “It wasn’t always that way. Now let's get back to what we were doing. I like this song more than I like you, which is quite a lot.”

He gives you a grin before you start moving your body against him, and by the end of the song he’s staring at you in complete awe.

Once the song ended you broke free from his grasp. “See you later Kiszka” you say with a wink, turning around and disappearing into the crowd.

Your stomach was in knots, and not from disgust. The moment you just had brought up a lot of emotions, mostly about your romantic feelings for Sam but also the resentment you felt towards him. Fuck, you were in deep now. Things would be so much easier if you never had to see him again and all of this could go away. But alas, you needed to suck it up so you could still have a close relationship with Danny. Plus in about twenty minutes Sam would probably be grinding on another girl. Screw it, you were going to have a good time with your friends, you didn’t need Sam to be happy.

The rest of the night you avoided Sam, giving him zero of the attention he was craving. A couple hours later people were leaving your home or asleep somewhere in the living room, bathroom, kitchen you name it. Thankfully though, your room remained empty, you needed some space to think.

Everyone was asleep and the house was quiet, you threw on a pair of boxer shorts and an oversized Led Zeppelin shirt, passed down to you from Danny. You went to the kitchen and drank probably a gallon of water, making one last pit stop to the bathroom to pee and brush your teeth. No matter how tired you felt you knew you'd thank yourself in the morning. Finally you were on the way back to your room when you stopped in the doorway. Sam was standing in there, looking at all your decorations and your extensive vinyl collection.

“You’ve changed some stuff since the last time I was here”

“Yeah, I like to rearrange stuff y'know? keep it new and interesting.” You remarked, rubbing the back of your neck and yawning, trying to hide your obvious panic. This is the last thing you were hoping for, being confronted one on one with the man himself.

“Are you cool if I stay here tonight? Daniel is passed out on the couch and I don’t feel like making the walk home alone.”

“Of course...did you want to sleep in here?” you ask before you could even stop the words from coming out of your mouth. Fuck, you were a dumbass.

“If that’s okay with you, sleeping next to a stranger wouldn’t be my first choice.”

“You never had a problem being in a stranger’s bed before” you mumbled, looking at the floor.

He didn’t say anything, just turned his head to stare at you for a second, his eyes seeming almost apologetic.

“Well you might as well get comfortable” you tell him as you turn off the lights and flick the lamp on.

“Do you have a shirt I could borrow? I don’t really wanna sleep in jeans and a sweaty shirt.”

“Would you like an old one of Danny’s or one of mine?” you tease him, grabbing out yet another old band shirt of his roommate’s.

While he’s changing you turn away and busy yourself with lighting some incense and pulling the covers back, to avoid seeing his bare torso.

“Can I throw on a record? I can never get to sleep in the silence.”

“Help yourself” you say, but he already has a selection in his hands, Michigan by Sufjan Stevens, one of your favorites.

“Wonderful choice, but I imagine you’re a bit biased.” you say to him, both he and Danny were from the same town in Michigan and had to let everyone know.

“I just wanted something calm and serene, compared to all the fast paced stuff we’ve been blasting for the whole night.”

“Well it was a party Samuel, you have to give the people what they want” you tell him as you climb into bed.

Sam grabs for one of the pillows and a blanket, but you stop him.

“Were you gonna sleep on the floor like a dog? I don’t give a shit whether or not we share the bed.”

“I just assumed...I didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable...or anything.”

“You might be surprised by this but I actually feel pretty safe around you” you confess to him. Fuck, you were still slightly intoxicated so your filter was off. It’s okay, he was still a little drunk too it seemed.

“Do you mind if I take my pants off?” he asks you with a sincere look on his face.

You can’t help but burst out laughing, finding his awkwardness and the absurdity of the comment quite hilarious.

“I’d prefer it to your rough jeans...as long as you’re wearing underwear.”

“C’mon I’m not that much of a freak” he says as he pulls down his zipper and clumsily kicks his pants off.

You couldn’t help but stare for a moment, he looked gorgeous quite honestly, long hair tangled, old shirt hanging off his shoulders and shark boxer briefs stopping at his mid thigh.

“Okay Kiszka, get in here before I change my mind.”

He pulls back the sheets and crawls in, laying his head on the pillow facing you.

“I’m sorry” he says, looking deeply in your eyes, seeming almost ashamed.

“About what?” you knew you shouldn’t feed into this, whatever was going on here was completely platonic and wouldn’t mean anything in the morning.

“Everything. Being such a dick to you. Leading you on. I promise that’s not me, I just, I honestly don’t know how to act around you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re just the one person who actually kinda intimidates me. Or at least my feelings for you intimidate me.” he sighs.

“Is that why you are always fucking other girls and telling people about it when I’m around?”

“God you’re not going to take it easy on me, are you?”

“Why should I?”

“You shouldn’t. With the way I’ve treated you I honestly don’t expect anything from you, I just couldn’t hold it in any longer and I thought this was as good of a time as any.”

“Sam, can I be honest with you?”

“Of course”

“I actually don’t hate you at all like you seem to think. I can’t stand you because I really do like you, but I gave up on anything happening a long time ago.”

“Well you did a pretty good job of hiding it” he says, moving a little closer to you to the point where your noses were almost touching, the feeling of his breath giving you goosebumps. The music hummed softly in the background as you thought for a second.

“Sam don’t hate me but we’re both kinda drunk and I don't wanna do anything right now. I wanna be there for it, like fully there.”

“I was actually hoping you’d say that. I wanna take in every detail and remember it all. You’re not just another drunken hookup.”

You can’t help but give a soft smile, your cheeks going red.

“Well maybe I wouldn’t be opposed to a bit of cuddling”

“Neither would I” he says as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you in close as you bury your head in his chest, taking in his scent.

Something overtakes you, and you tilt your head up and press a soft kiss to his collarbone.

“Goodnight Samuel”

“Goodninght kid” he whispers, pressing his lips to the top of your head, and you can feel him breathing in your scent as well, elated to finally feel wanted.

********************************************************************************************************

You wake up to sunlight streaming through your curtains, turning to look at your clock but instead being met with Sam’s chest.

You were sober enough last night to remember everything that happened, Sam’s feelings for you coming to light and vice versa. It made you almost giddy with excitement, not being able to wait until his eyes opened.

You played with his hair, running your fingers through it and moving it from his neck, replacing it with your lips. Soon enough he’s stretching his arms and yawning.

“Any reason you needed to wake me up at 7 am?” he asked you, looking down at you as the pad of his thumb brushed across your cheek.

“Just couldn’t wait to see you I guess”

“That's a first” he says sarcastically, once again staring deep into your eyes.

You could hear the birds singing outside and a refreshing spring breeze made its way into your room through the open window.

You stared at each other for a second longer before he whispered “Can I?”

You nodded your head yes and he dipped his head down to capture your lips in a kiss. It started off sweet and then your lips started moving in a rhythm, his hands grabbing your legs and pulling you onto his lap. He kept kissing you as your tongue made its way into his mouth, causing his hips to buck up into you. You pulled back and let out a soft sigh, basking in the feeling of him growing hard against your core. He took this as an opportunity to attach his lips to your neck, sucking at the delicate skin and leaving little nips.

“Can I take this off?” you ask him, hands grabbing at the hem of his shirt.

“Please” he groans against your neck.

You pull it off and instantly your hands run along the expanse of his smooth skin, admiring every freckle and mole, fingertips brushing across his nipples. You pull your hands away to pull your own shirt off, blushing a bit, slightly embarrassed to show yourself to him. He takes a moment to stare at the newly exposed skin, pulling you down into a kiss a moment later and mumbling “You’re absolutely stunning” into your lips.

“You’re not too bad yourself” you say with a smile spreading across your face, quickly losing it as you bite your lip when he starts to move his hips once again, his bulge rubbing deliciously against your already wet core.

“I need more of you” he grunts, obviously frustrated.

You tangle your hands in his hair and pull his head back a bit, looking down into his eyes before saying “then have me”, pulling him into a kiss.

In a swift movement he flips you both over, kneeling with his legs on either side of you.

“These need to come off” he says, tugging at the waistband of the boxers you slept in. As he pulled them off and the cold air hit your core, you couldn’t help but drink all of him in, admiring just how gorgeous he looked, as if he was sculpted by the gods himself. That moment ended when you felt his middle finger run lightly up and down your slit. You threw your head back and closed your eyes, concentrating on the feeling of his skin on yours.

“Please Sammy, I need you” you say, surprised at yourself for using that nickname with him.

He looks at you and smiles before lowering his gaze to your dripping cunt, furrowing his brows as he pushes his long finger inside of you. You mewl as he pushes it down to the last knuckle, letting you adjust for a moment before starting to slowly pump in and out.

“Fuck you’re tight. So much better than I imagined.”

“So you’ve thought about this before?” You smirk at him, turning your eyes to look at the sight of his finger pumping in and out.

“Quite a lot actually, I’ve thought a lot about how you taste too” he says before readjusting himself so his head is buried in between your thighs. It only takes a second for his tongue to find your clit as he inserts another finger and starts to pump a little faster.

“Fuck you’re good at this” you say as you let out a breathy moan, hands once again finding their way into his hair. That causes him to moan around your clit, sending vibrations through your whole body. You don’t know how much longer you’d be able to last, with Sam lapping at you like it’s his last meal.

You pull his hair, forcing his lips to part from your sensitive bud, pulling him into a sloppy kiss.

“I wanna taste you too” you say before getting up and kneeling on the floor in front of your brd, motioning him to sit with his legs over the side, facing you. You look up at him as you pull his boxers down, length hitting his stomach. You take a second to admire it, with its pink head, a large vein running up the bottom. It was a nice length, with quite a bit of girth to it, surrounded by a small patch of pubic hair. As you wrapped your hand around it you said “not to be weird or anything but your dick is gorgeous”, causing him to let out a light laugh that was quickly stifled when you wrapped your head around the tip of his cock. His fingers intertwined with your hair, lightly pulling it, not forcing you down on his dick like some guys do. You gently moved your head up and down, taking as much of him as you could in your mouth and using your hand to stroke the rest.

“Fuck I need to be inside of you” he groans, tugging at your hair, causing you to pull your mouth off his dick with a small pop.

“Can I ride you?” you question as you make your way back onto the bed.

“Fuck yes, I can’t promise how long I’ll last though” he says, pulling you in for another kiss as you line him up up with your entrance. You run his tip along your slit a few times before slowly starting to lower yourself down, taking your time to adjust to his size. Once he’s fully sheathed inside of you, he throws his head back, letting out a guttural moan.

“Fuck, you feel so fucking good, I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

“So have I” you say before starting to slowly move yourself up and down on him.

It’s lazy and sweet, not perfect or anything, but nothing about this situation really was. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Fuck” he remarks as he grabs your hips, fingers sinking into your skin,helping you move up and down on his delicious cock.

“You fill me up so perfectly, god you feel so good”

“I guess it was meant to be baby” he says with a grin, putting his fingers in his mouth then moving them down to rub circles around your clit.

“Fuck Kiszka, if you keep taht up I’m gonna cum.”

“That was my goal, I’m close too” he breathes out as he buries his head in your neck.

You clutch the back of his head as you start to move yourself up and down faster, fucking yourself on his cock.

“Fuck Sam I’m gonna cum”

“Me too babe, where do you want me to?” he asks shakily.

The only word you can muster out is “Inside” as you approach your peak, clenching around him once more before tipping over the edge.

It’s complete bliss as you ride out your high, feeling him give one last deep thrust into you before coating your walls with his warm ropes of seed.

You collapse against him, nuzzling your head into his neck, pressing sloppy open mouthed kisses as you both catch your breath.

He pushes your hair to the side, leaving his lips on your temple while he remains sheathed inside you.

“Thank you” he says, still regaining his breath and returning to reality.

“Don’t leave me” you say softly into his ear.

“I wouldn’t for the world, don’t you worry kid.”

You sit up and look into his soft brown eyes, taking in how much things have changed in the past few hours.

“I don’t hate you. Not in the least. I just hated the idea of not being with you.”

“Same here, but we don’t have to feel that anymore. I’m sorry for the way I treated you. You deserve the world, and I want to try my hardest to give it to you.”

“Thank you Samuel, I’ll try to do the same.”

You give him one last long kiss before pulling back, pushing his hair behind his ear and saying “C’mon loverboy, let’s go get some breakfast.”

[underatedcharactersunite]

The Iron Queen

Summary - The Iron Queen is a legend, a myth even. However, Ivar the Boneless wants to prove her existance. When he does, it's almost as if Fate brings them together, so the two of them can become legendary together....

Pairing - Ivar the Boneless x Female Reader 

WordCount - 2, 919 

Warnings - Angst, mentions of upcoming battles.  

For @youbloodymadgenius 1K Writing Challenge. Congratulations!                                                          »»————-　♔　————-««

Before the Iron Queen became to be, she was a legendary warrior Princess. She was a ruthless and tactful warrior in every sense of the word. There was no weapon she couldn't master, sword, shield, bow and arrow, axe or spear. She could use it all and use them well. In many minds, she was the perfect warrior, a combination of talent and intelligence. Y/N was loved among the warriors alike.

However, that all changed when Y/N became the Iron Queen of Mountmead. Unlike the other Kings, Y/N's Father final wish was to abolish their eldest law. From this day forth, until the end of time, whether the firstborn child is a son or daughter, they would be heir to the throne. Y/N's Father adapted the law to give his only daughter and child the throne.

This angered the surrounding Kings and Lords. Their ideologies were simple. a woman was not fit to rule. A woman was far too emotional to make rational decisions. They were unfit to lead armies and clueless in battle strategy, so the death of the King of Mountmead brought the potential to expand their lands despite the crowing of a new Queen. They had no respect or loyalty to her. They saw Y/N as a weak and passive woman, but they didn't realise how wrong they were.

Within the first several months of her coronation, Y/N and her army encountered six different battles. In every battle, Y/N was there leading her army to defeat the enemies that threatened her people. She refused to be seen as weak.

These battles created and enforced the Queen. She was to be cool and calculating, skilled and intellectual. Y/N made certain she surrounded herself with her closest and loyal advisors. Ser Favian was the head of her Queensguard. He'd also been the head of her Father's Kingsguard. A man who had been there from the day her Father was coronated. Secondly, there was Ser Conadus, head of her army and key battle Strategist. Ser Conadus was also her loyal confidant. After all, he'd been there for every major milestone in her life. There was no circumstance or situation Y/N couldn't speak to Ser Conadus about.

As Ferocious as Y/N was on the battlefield, she still maintained kindness in her heart. She often walked the streets, discussing the issues that were arising and how they could be solved. Y/N was able to provide reassurance to her people. Y/N made time in her day as frequently as possible to see people, to converse with traders. She kept a brave face for them all.

Hidden behind that brave face laid the devasting truth. Life as her people knew it was threatened. The surrounding Lords and Kings made a collective decision to bring their armies together to create an army of the thousands. While the Great Army of Mountmead was no easy defeat. Their numbers were no-where near as large. Y/N didn't know how to solve their issues. Repeatedly, she reached out to offer a truce to the other Lords and Kings, but it was no luck. They all desired Mountmead for themselves and they believed they were going to take it from the Iron Queen. They shared no resources and implemented laws in their Kingdoms. If any person was caught trading with the Iron Queen or any member of Mountmead, they were executed without question. This restricted the Iron Queen to land. No boats, to sail in search of allies. They were stuck. All of them in mortal danger.

Unbeknownst, to Y/N someone, had been looking for her. As fate would have it, the idea of a legendary warrior Princess turned Queen had become a legendary story. It had spread through many Kingdoms and lands with several different variations. Most believed these tales of the Iron Queen to be nothing more than that, tales.

Except one, Ivar the Boneless believed different. Ivar believed the Iron Queen, Y/N of Mountmead, existed and, he was determined to find her. In the beginning, Ivar had no idea where to begin his search, so he sent scouts to the North, South, East and West. When they returned, they came up empty. However, Ivar refused to give in. Ivar proceeded to continue to send his Scouts out each time, further and in different directions. Each time they came up without sight of the Iron Queen.

This continued until one trip the scouts returned to Kattegat with news of the discovery. His latest scouting mission had been a success. With this new information, Ivar knew hr needed to act quickly. Instructing the scouts to gather his brothers into the Great Hall, he sat down and waited for them to arrive. Ivar waited and waited for his brothers when they finally walked in.

"How do I always arrive before you?" Ivar questioned as all of his brothers took their seats.

"Because you decided to meet us here Ivar." Ubbe retorted as he paid attention to his youngest brother.

"Ivar, why have you gathered us here?" Bjorn questioned.

"Because I have found the Iron Queen."

"Your lying!" Sigurd yelled as Ivar smirked. Ivar didn't mind being underestimated. Sigurd was only jealous, he hadn't been able to do it.

"Why would I lie, Sigurd? My scouts have drawn a map to her Kingdom, and I wish to go visit her because she is in terrible danger?"

"Is she as beautiful as they say she is?" Hvitserk questioned. All of his brothers turned to look at him.

"Ivar informs us the Iron Queen is in danger, and that is the first question you have, Hvitserk." Sigurd responds as Hvitserk shrugs."

"A man has to know these things, Sigurd."

"Yes, the Iron Queen is more beautiful than she's described as. However, if someone doesn't help her, then no-one is going to see her beauty in person."

"Why is she in danger? Ubbe questioned as he poured a horn of mead, taking a large sip.

"The surrounding Lords and Kings do not respect her as Queen. When they're from, they believe women are unable to lead and participate in the battle. Although Y/N has been in more battles than most of the surrounding Kings and Lords."

"You say she's been in many battles, so why is she in danger?"

"Because Ubbe, the surrounding Lords and Kings have grouped to create one large army. According to the scouts, the Iron Queen has a decent sized army, but not one large enough to defeat them."

"What's in it for us?" Why should we help a stranger?"

"Isn't it obvious, Bjorn? We go to the Iron Queen, offer ourselves as an ally in exchange for the first selection of any the lands we conquer."

"That seems to be a fair trade. Whatever lands we take can be used as a new settlement and a base for further exploration. I say we go."

"Thank you Hvitserk. Anyone else?"

"I am coming with you," Sigurd responds to Ivar's surprise.

"I will come just to keep an eye on all three of you. Perhaps we should extend the offer to Harald and Halfdan. They could be useful to us."

"That is a good idea, Ubbe. What says you, Bjorn?"

"I shall stay here, make sure Kattegat remains running smoothly. If the God's desire us to meet, it shall be."

That night the sons of Ragnar began to create plans to set sail to Mountmead and the Iron Queen. They set sail with a small part of their army, with the plan that more men would follow days later. Help was coming to the Iron Queen and she didn't even know it.

                                           »»————-　♔　————-««

Y/n had been in meetings all morning, they'd already attempted to plan out their defence attacks, but there was always a weak spot in their armour. There was no use, they simply needed more men. Men they didn't have.

"My Queen, we will figure it out. They haven't beaten us yet." One of the small council commented as Y/N examined the map once more.

"What we need is a miracle. Unfortunately, they don't happen often and early enough" It was as if someone was listening to her desires as Ser Favian came bursting through the door.

"My Queen, men have arrived on the shore. They hold no banner or sail. They don't appear to be apart of any of the surrounding threats."

"Lord Pollack, will you continue to lead this meeting in my absence. Ser Conadus will you accompany me to the Thron, Ser Favian will you gather some of the Queensguard to watch the remaining men. Bring the leaders to the throne room."

"Yes, of course, My Queen." They nodded and bowed respectfully as Y/N already stepped away from the meeting with Ser Conadus flanked her as she feared the worst.

"Nicholas, I don't think I can deal with any further setbacks. We're already at war on land, we can't compete with threats from the ocean as well."

"Relax my dear. ;Perhaps this is a beneficial meeting. You need to keep calm, just because we're at war doesn't mean everyone's a threat. Remember, your lessons." As the large, solid oak doors opened, someone announced the Iron Queen as she raised her head high, removing any emotion in her mind and gaze.

Although Y/N's attention was already directed towards one of the men in front of her. All of the men had knelt except one."

"I told you to kneel." Ser Favian attempted to force the man onto his knees, but Y/N noticed the glimmer of the buckle her pace quickened.

"Ser Favian, can you not see the restraints on his legs . Since when did we treat our guests so poorly." Ser Favian backed away immediately kneeling.

"I'm sorry, forgive Ser Favian it was a simple misunderstanding." Noticing a chair in the corner, Y/N walked over and picked up the chair and brought it up towards the man, placing it behind him.

That's when Y/N caught the first proper glimpse of the man. The piercing blue eyes, the muscular arms, his smirk etched onto his face as he observed your expression scan all over him. You hadn't glanced at his brothers, Harald or Halfdan or Floki. Just him.

Ivar was just as mesmerised by her as she was him. Y/N was just as beautiful as his scouts had told him she was. She was both assertive and confident. Ivar wanted to know her and no-one was going to stop him from getting what he know desired the most.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, My Queen. My name is Ivar the Boneless, these are my brothers, as well as Harald Finehair, Halfdan the Black and Floki. We are here to offer our services." Ivar confidently took ahold of Y/N's hand without, hesitating brought her knuckles up and brushed his lips against them. Ivar did not miss the way her eyes widened in shock, momentarily before her composure regained.

"Y/N lowered her head as she stepped back towards the steps to her throne once she was seated, she called for everyone to raise as she once more looked towards Ivar the Boneless.

"You wish to offer your services to me, and the Kingdom of Mountmead, why?"

"I believe together we could be an unstoppable force. We have all heard of your battles and the current threat that you have surrounding you. My Queen, we have the numbers you need." Tuning to Ser Conadus, Y/N examined his gaze as she attempted to read his expression.

"What would you receive in return for your men?"

"First choice of any land that is gained in the result of war." Truth be told, Y/N was beginning to run out of strategic options and perhaps Ivar and the rest of them was her only hope.

"I accept your terms Ivar the Boneless. Ser Favian will see that the rest of the men are given a warm place to sleep. Ser Conadus, would you see that Ivar the Boneless and the rest of his party settle in well."

"Wait my Queen, I have a gift for you." One of Ivar's brothers, called someone forward as they laid a box onto the ground, standing Y/N walked down the stairs as two of Y/N's guard lifted the lid. In the box, it appeared to be a shield with bright colours painted on it.

"Thank you-"

"Hvitserk, my Queen." Smiling, Y/N could already tell that Hvitserk that was the most mischievous out of all of the brothers.

"Thank you Hvitserk." Once more, another brother stepped forward, this time he insisted on carrying the box towards the Iron Queen. Once the lid was lifted it, it revealed a strange looking instrument.

“I an teach you to play it, if you’d like my Queen.” 

“Thank you, that would be lovely-” 

“Sigurd, my Queen.” 

“Thank you, Sigurd.” 

“My Queen, I have one last gift for you. Unfortunately, it does not fit through the castle walls.” Ivar’s voice broke Y/N’s concentration and soon the two of them were accompanied by Ser Conadus and Floki. As Y/N continued to walk silently, Y/N kept pace with Ivar as the two appeared to be heading to the docks. 

“Your Grace, why are people so threatened by a woman?” Floki questioned as Y/N turned towards Floki. 

“In these parts, a woman is believed to be unable to rule. Women are unable to rule because they believe they are unable to think clearly or learn the ways of War. According to them, they shouldn’t have to fight to take my Kingdom, I should bow and give it to them,” 

“We can’t let that happened now can we. Don’t worry Iron Wueen, we will bring them to their knees.” The four of them stepped onto the docks, Y/N glanced around them, wondering what it could be. 

“Turn around my Queen.” Turning around, there was a boat. It was unlike any boat Y/N had seen before stepping closer, was her gift on the boat? 

“What do you think my Queen?” Ivar questioned as Y/N was still unsure what Ivar had given her. Then it dawned on her. 

“The boat, it’s mine. I couldn’t possibly except it.” 

“Why not? The other boat builders refuse to build you a boat so Floki build you a boat. It could be one of many perhaps, if you so desired.” 

“I wouldn’t know the first thing about sailing or running  a boat.” 

“Don’t worry. we can show you, your Grace/” Floki replied as the wind blew while the flag gushed in the wind. 

“Thank you, both of you. You have no idea how important and appreciated this is for me and my Kingdom.” 

“You are more than welcome. I believe this is a start to a beautiful relationship.” 

                                »»————-　♔　————-««

The next few days, were manic, as new voices gave new insight and strategies. Their culture was vastly different from Y/N’s, they’re war and battle strategies gave Y/N a unique way of seeing the up and coming battle. 

One thing that Y/N noticed immediately was the high intensity of the sons of Ragnar sibling rivalry, specifically between Ivar and Sigurd.  

Each time she began a discussion with either one of them, she could practically feel the glares at the back of her head. It only proved her point, they were always trying to compete with one another. 

One morning in particular, Y/N had broken her fast early so she could take a peaceful morning walk, before chaos ensured. 

What should have been a peaceful walk turned into Sigurd following her around discussing how terrible his younger brother was/ Y/N kept quiet while she listened to Sigurd go on about how vicious his brother was. According to Sigurd, Ivar was a monster who had no right to be in her company. Sigurd told her to listen to his words carefully.

Y/N had listened to his words closely, except she’d drawn a completely different conclusion. It was clear to Y/N that Ivar did have his fair share of problems, he was often angry and nearly always had a sombre attitude. Except Y/N was able to dig through the initial layer and realise how much more there was to him. 

While Y/N had appreciated Sigurd’s advice, she’d informed him that she could make her own judgement on Ivar and the rest of them. When her and Sigurd parted ways, he warned her once more. 

                                »»————-　♔　————-««

Later that night as Y.N headed to her chambers, tired from yet another day of back to back small council meetings and war strategy meetings. Y/N had grown tired and in desperate need of sleep. 

Y/N should have known that nothing was ever that simple as she was walking past Ivar’s room, she heard a commotion. Barging through the door, she became quickly aware that Ivar was one the floor in some form of distress.” 

“Are you okay?” 

“I don’t need your help!” Ivar snapped, however, the Iron Queen knelt onto the ground beside him.” 

“Okay, then I shall sit with you then.” 

“Wouldn’t you rather spend time with my brother, Sigurd” Y/N rolled her eyes sitting down on the floor, she stretched her legs so they were diagonally with each other. 

“I gather you never heard the end of the conversation. If you had you would have heard myself inform Sigurd that I am capable of making my own decisions. For sometime now Ivar you had my curiosity but now you have my attention” Ivar smirked, this conversation was about to get interesting. 

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter thirteen: "Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new"

Words count: 16,5K

Summary: Spencer's headaches don't seem to have a logical explanation. The only thing that makes sense is that he has been causing them to himself by overthinking something that's already clear: he has been an asshole, and he should tell reader how he feels. Reader realizes she's been stupid all along. And then, she goes out with James. Frank, Lu, Garcia, and Derek finally intervene.

Warnings: Cursing (but that's just my writing style), angst, hurt, and a little comfort from friends. There's a fight, alcohol consumption. Someone is getting drunk...

A/N: Ok, so... here we go!

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

Words count: 16,5K

Summary: Spencer's headaches don't seem to have a logical explanation. The only thing that makes sense is that he has been causing them to himself by overthinking something already clear: he has been an asshole, and he should tell reader how he feels. Reader realizes she's been stupid all along. Will she go out with James? Frank, Lu, Garcia, and Derek finally intervene.

Warnings: Cursing (but that's just my writing style), angst, hurt, and a little comfort from friends. There's a fight, alcohol consumption. Someone is getting drunk...

A/N: Ok, so... things are slowly but surely happening here.

---

Spencer's point of view

- "That doesn't make any sense!"- I nearly lost it at my medical appointment. To be fair, I was losing my sanity for the last week, but that day, that minute, I have had enough.

- "I'm not sure what you want me to say,"- the doctor frowned, confused by my reaction.

- "So there's nothing wrong?"

- "Well, your scans are perfectly normal, and there doesn't seem to be any physical explanation for your headaches."

- "Well, what do I do now?"- I was lost. I was hoping he could tell me there was something physically wrong with me that we could fix. But apparently, everything was ok.

- "Well, have you considered..."

- "Considered what?"- I knew what he was implying, but I didn't want to deal with that. The doctor sighed and simply just said it.

- "A psychosomatic cause."

- "Psychosomatic?"

- "It just means mental or emotional stress..."

I had to cut the doctor right there, 'cos it was nearly insulting that he thought he needed to explain to me what that meant.

- "I know what psychosomatic means, doctor, but it's not that."

- "Well, I think it's something we should consider."

- "It's not... I'm not crazy!"- but yes, I was going a little crazy at the time.

- "Crazy? Dr. Reid, I'm not saying..."- the professional stared at me, shocked, as I put on my satchel and stood up.

- "I have headaches. I have intense sensitivity to light because there's something wrong with me physically, not mentally. It's not that."

- "That?"

- "Listen, doctor, my mother's a paranoid schizophrenic who's been institutionalized, so I know very well what mental illness looks like, maybe even better than you, and it's not that. It's not."

I walked to the door, but before I could leave or dramatically storm out, the doctor added one more thing.

- "Your headaches are more likely caused by stress due, I suspect, to your very consuming job. My recommendation is to take a few weeks off and have a real vacation. Disconnect from work, and relax. That's all."

The doctor seemed genuinely concerned, so I just nodded and walked out. My head was killing me, and to be honest, I wasn't thinking straight.

It was Thursday. My head was killing me. I hadn't spoken more than a handful of words with (Y/N) since last Friday, and to call it torture came short. It was consuming my whole life at that point. I hadn't slept more than maybe three hours that entire week. After we reached home from Miami, I focused on the paperwork and whatever request for information that crossed my desk.

But I wasn't blind, neither deaf nor stupid. No, I was stupid for wasting so many chances I had in almost five years to tell (Y/N) how much I loved her. Now I was doomed to look at her from a safe distance, as she enjoyed life with her new boyfriend. James.

I first heard his name Wednesday morning when a delivery boy showed up at the bullpen, asking for (Y/N). Everybody looked at her, and she blushed as she raised her hand, and the delivery boy gave her a small box and asked her to sign for the package.

- "What is that, pretty girl?"- Morgan asked when the delivery was gone, and he walked over to see what was into the box.

- "I have no idea... but it passed security, so I know it's not a bomb"- she chuckled and opened it.

- "Wow! Did you send her these, kid?"- Morgan looked at me chuckling, but as soon as he saw my serious expression, he frowned, confused.

- "This is incredible!"- it was the whole Jane Austen collection in a deluxe edition. It was gorgeous. She obviously loved it. And it came with a card.

- "Can't wait 'till Friday night. James"- Emily read out loud as (Y/N) stared at the box, blushing- "Ok missy, you have some explaining to do!"

But I didn't stick around to hear the rest of the story. I didn't need the torture. So I stood up and walked to the kitchenette to get another cup of coffee. And then I hid in the briefing room because I needed to be on my own for a while. I sat at the table and stared at my hands, trying to remain calm. I couldn't cry at work. I shouldn't show my true feelings when my friends were around. I didn't want them asking a million questions I didn't want to answer with the truth.

- "Sorry, man,"- Morgan said as he walked in and sat at the other side of the table- I thought you had sent her those books 'cos you have been acting all weird lately, and you were trying to get on her good side

- "Don't worry"- I tried to look cool and even smiled at Morgan, but he knew better than that.

- "So... how are you?"

- "I'm ok, you?"- I was annoyed already, but I knew there was no way out from that conversation

- "Kid, come on. You can talk to me."

- "There is nothing I wanna talk about right now. I am ok!"- I stood up and walked around the room, frustrated and trying not to yell.

- "Come on, Reid. It's getting painful to watch! You have to tell her how you feel!"- Derek stood up too, and I widened my eyes at his words, scared everybody downstairs might have heard us. I looked at the door; it was locked.

- "I don't want to talk about that now."

- "Man! Come on!"- but I passed by his side and ignored him, opening the door and basically running back to my desk.

From where I could clearly see (Y/N) blushing and staring at her books. Great.

That day went painfully slow. By the time I reached my apartment, I was exhausted both mentally and emotionally. My head was killing me, and all I wanted was to get under the covers of my bed with a book, a cup of herbal tea and make a massive effort to get some sleep.

Apparently, I was asking for too much. Ten minutes after my arrival, my bell rang, forcing my weary body to move from the couch to the door. Sadly, it wasn't (Y/N), the only person I wanted to see that minute. Instead, it was Ashley, and I had to pretend and smile when I saw her.

- "Hey! Am I interrupting something?"- she asked with a cheerful smile as she stood by the door and showed me a paper bag- I got some extra dumplings, and I thought you might like to share

- "Thank you, Ashley... but I already ate."- I lied and watched her leave the box on my table and take a look around- "Wait, where did you get my address?"

- "It's on the system."- she answered casually, and I frowned, thinking there had to be a better way to keep our information classified if we were FBI agents. Not that I didn't want Ashley to know where I lived, but... I just didn't want her there.

- "And what were you doing?"

- "Getting... really to bed, actually. I am weary."

- "And... Do you need any help?"- Ashley stood closer to me and smiled mischievously. I cleared my throat, feeling awkward and even a little embarrassed with her proposal.

- "No, thank you, I'm ok."

But she didn't get the hint. Instead, she ran her tongue through her lips very slowly and rested her hands on my hips. My whole body aches at that touch. Not because I craved more, but because it made me feel nervous and uneasy. I didn't want her to touch me, but I didn't want to be rude.

- "You know, Spence, (Y/N) has a boyfriend now, and she definitely moved on with her life. Maybe you should start thinking about doing the same."

- "I'm sorry?"- I frowned as I stared at her silly grin. She thought she was flirting, but instead, she was actually hurting me.

- "I saw her Friday with Anderson's friend. She seemed to be having a great time. Maybe it's time you have fun too."- she leaned in and tried to kiss me, but I took three steps back and shook my head right away.

- "No, Ashley, it's not like that,"- she frowned, confused, and blushed, embarrassed immediately.

-" What? But I thought you... I thought you liked me."

- "I'm sorry, Ashley, but..."- I hesitated in my answer, trying to find the right ways to reject her. I had never rejected anyone before in my entire life. I have never been lucky with girls at all.

- "But what? You don't want me?"

No. I didn't want her. Not even a little. Not even at all. But I couldn't tell her that just upfront. I had to sugarcoat it. I didn't want to hurt her, though. She wasn't a bad person. Just... Not the right person for me.

- "I'm sorry, Ashley. I am sure you are an amazing woman, and any man would be glad to..."

- "Not any man, Spencer. You! I want you!"- but I just shook my head and sighed.

- "I'm sorry."

That was all I managed to answer. Her cheeks kept blushing, and somehow, her eyes were tearing up too. I remembered (Y/N) once told me that she would involuntarily cry every time she was upset, which always made her feel weak. I thought I could tell Ashley crying was totally normal when one's upset. But instead, I just stayed quiet.

- "You know, she is with someone else now. So she clearly doesn't want you, Spencer. Why are you waiting for her?"

I could tell she meant to hurt me, but she couldn't do it. Why? I guess because I knew she didn't understand (Y/N) and me. She tried to make it seem like (Y/N) had ruined everything, but I knew it had been me. There was no one else to blame but me.

- "I don't wanna fight with you, Ashley,"- I whispered and shook my head- And I don't want to talk about (Y/N) with you.

- "She doesn't love you, Spencer,"- that we both agreed on.

- "She has nothing to do with what's going on right here. I don't wanna have anything but a professional relationship with you, Ashley. I'm sorry if you had any other thoughts about us, but it's not gonna happen. Not tonight, not ever. And not because of (Y/N)."

Ashley gave me a stern look. Her chin quivered, but she didn't flinch. Instead, she grabbed the food she had brought and walked to the door.

- "You are gonna regret this, Spencer!!"- she yelled and stormed out of my apartment, slamming the door.

But no matter what, I knew I wouldn't. I wasn't going to regret rejecting her that night.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I stared at the books James had sent me and sighed. I was home alone on a Wednesday night, staring at a bunch of books on my coffee table. They were unique, gorgeous, and clearly expensive. But they meant nothing compared to the one sitting at their side: Spencer's edition of the Illustrated Man. It was old, had many notes on the sides, and the corner of the pages had been folded... primarily by me.

I sipped my glass of wine and sighed. I missed Spencer. I didn't want to go out with James. I wasn't interested in him at all. I just liked the attention I got from him, mostly 'cos I knew he had a crush on me... because Anderson had pointed it out as soon as he told me about him.

Tears fell down my cheeks as I ran my fingers through Spencer's book. I missed him. But he was with Ashley now. So I had to move on. I didn't want to, though. I just wanted him. I could almost see him there, on the couch, laughing. I could hear his laughter as we played board games. His current favorite was Monopoly Gamer Mario Kart, and he really enjoyed winning. He could get all cocky as he got all my coins.

Everywhere I looked around in my apartment reminded me of Reid. It was just the books, his cardigan on my couch, the umbrella he had left two years ago, and that belonged in my place now. It was just the pictures of him on the walls, memories of trips, dinners, Christmas, parties with Lu, Frank, and Mikey. It was literally everything. My apartment screamed Spencer Reid because he was the person I had shared the most amazing times with there.

On that kitchen island, we had carved pumpkins every Halloween for the last four years. On that table, he served the first meal he ever prepared from scratch. On that couch, we forgot about all our phobias and cuddled for countless hours.

My whole life was about Spencer Reid. How was I ever going to move on from him? How was I ever going to love someone the way I loved him?

I sobbed and just then realized I was crying my heart out. I held my legs, wrapping my arms around them, and rocked back and forth for a few minutes. I was losing my mind, and the only thing that made sense was crying until there were no more years left inside of me.

When the phone rang, I had a headache. I always get one after I cry. I prayed it wasn't a case 'cos I wasn't really sober after drinking a whole bottle of wine, crying, on the floor. Literally, on the floor. But it wasn't Penelope with a case. It was Frank, and he could tell from the very first moment that something was wrong.

- "Nugget, are you ok?"

- "Yeah, Paco, why?"- I slurred and cursed. I was busted.

- "Why are you drunk?"

- "Because I got home after a horrible day and decided to drown my fucking bad mood in chardonnay. Guess what? The shitty bastard keeps floating, but I am not giving up!"

Frank chuckled with my drunken words. I heard him light a cigarette and walk around somewhere I figured was his apartment.

- "And what is the doc doing?"

- "What the fuck do I know?"- my voice didn't hide the hurt I felt, but I forgot Frank had no idea what was happening between Spencer and me.

- "Doc isn't there?"

- "No, we are no longer tied by the hip."

- "Ok, nugget, what the fuck is going on?"

- "Spencer has a girlfriend."

- "What?!"- I nearly dropped my phone, 'cos Frank yelled into my ear after hearing my reply.

- "Yeah, Spencer Walter Reid has a girlfriend. So if you wanna know about him, you should call fucking agent trainee Seaver, who is probably training his cock right now!!"

I grabbed my glass and finished what was left of the wine. I knew I had another bottle in the fridge, but it was just Wednesday, I still might be called in for a case, and I still had to get up early in the morning to go to work. Getting drunk wasn't the answer. But... I wasn't asking any questions either. So I stood up slowly and walked to the kitchen to grab the bottle.

- "No, nugget. There's no way you are telling me the truth!"

- "Why should I lie? Spencer has a girlfriend. Her name is Ashley."

- "(Y/N), Doc has been in love with you for years! There's no way he has a girlfriend!!"- I put the phone on speaker and left it on the counter to open the cold bottle of wine and pour myself another glass.

- "Can you all people stop saying Spencer is in love with me?!"- tears filled my eyes as I shouted and hit the table- "I know he is not! And that's why I feel like shit!"

- "Ok, nugget... calm down. Are you home?"

- "Yes... can you come over?"

- "I'm sorry, I'm out of town. I came to New York for a job interview."

- "What?! When? Why?"

- "'Cos I thought maybe it was time for a new challenge..."- my heart stopped with those words, and Frank knew it- "But don't worry, I didn't get it. You won't get rid of me so easily, nugget."

- "Good, 'cos I don't want any more changes. I can't deal with any more things changing... I don't like it..."

- "Ok, nugget, I am a little worried now, so I'm going to call Lu and ask her to go to your house, ok?"

- "No, please don't"- I closed my eyes, feeling the room spinning as soon as I did- "I can tell I had a little too much to drink already, so I'll finish this glass, and I'll go to bed."

- "Are you sure?"- I knew Frank was worried, and the last thing I wanted was to be a burden for my friends.

- "Definitely."

- "Ok... what if we do something this weekend?"

- "Sure! I'll be free... if no psychopath decides to ruin our fun again."- Frank chuckled, and I took another sip of my wine.

- "Ok, sounds like a plan. Now please go to bed, and whatever you do, don't do any fucking phone call while you are under the influence."

- "I don't drink and call, Paco. Trust me,"- he chuckled one more time, his laughter bringing a smile to my lips 'cos it too damn contagious not to smile, and then, we said goodnight.

I looked around my kitchen. Nothing but memories with Spencer in there too. I could almost see him sitting at the other side of the kitchen island, sipping his coffee, giving me food facts as I cooked. The only fact I was sure about at that point was that if I wanted to move on from Spencer, I was going to have to move out of that place. Actually, I would have to move cities, states, probably countries. Because I knew everything reminded me of Reid.

But that night, for once, I knew I couldn't move on. I wanted to feel Spencer close, 'cos I missed him too much. So I did all the things I knew I shouldn't. I put on one of his shirts and sweaters and took a deep breath, wrapping my arms around me as I got under the covers of my bed, thinking Spencer was there with me. His clothes still smelled like him, and it was intoxicating.

So I did the only thing I could do: I closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep.

Thursday was a waste of a day. I had so much paperwork to catch up with, I put on my headphones and created a bubble around me because it was the only way to survive. Lucky for me, Seaver wasn't at the BAU that day. She was at the academy. Maybe that was why Spencer looked so sad. He missed her.

- "SSA (Y/L/N)"- I picked up my phone and turned around as soon as I heard Hotch's voice at the other side of the line, calling me at the end of the workday.

- "(Y/N), can you come to my office, please?"

- "Yes, sir."

I took a deep breath as I walked over, and brushed my hands against my pants, to get rid of any wrinkle or fuzz. When was the last time Hotch had called me to his office? Over a year earlier, after I had an argument with a suspect in the interrogation room. In my defense, she was striking my nerves. Ok, fine, I didn't have a reason.

- "Hi, is everything ok?"- I asked as soon as I showed up in Aaron's office.

- "Close the door, (Y/N), please."

And immediately, the knot in my stomach made me feel like I was being called into the principal's office. I turned around to do as asked and caught Spencer's eyes staring at me as he stood in the middle of the bullpen, clearly worried. And I felt so weak and moved by how concerned he looked; I did the first thing that came to mind: I smiled and waved.

- "Please, sit down,"- Aaron pointed at the chair across from him, and I did as told, again.

- "Is everything ok, Hotch?"- my question came right out of me, my lips moving before I had actually decided to speak.

- "I have been trying to find the right way to say this for the last half hour, and I am sorry, but..."

- "Oh shit! I'm fired! Why do you hate me so much?"- I jumped from my chair, and Aaron quickly followed me, trying to smother my reaction.

- "No, (Y/N). You are not fired! And no, I don't hate you! Calm down!"- I looked at him, confused and still suspicious.

- "Please, sit down. It's actually because I care about you that I didn't know how to tell you this, but I think almost five years is enough time to stay aside from what's been going on."

- "I'm sorry, Hotch, but I don't follow"- he clenched his jaw and sighed, frustrated. I just stared at him, waiting for the rest of the speech because my unit chief was clearly trying to find the right words to speak his mind.

- "Listen, (Y/N). This is very hard for me to talk about. I've always tried to keep everybody's personal life aside from the FBI. Unfortunately, your relationship with Reid is starting to affect you at your work."

Clearly, that was why he was so uncomfortable. I turned blood red and looked at my hands resting on my lap. I couldn't look into Hotch's eyes.

- "I don't understand. I don't have a relationship with Spencer."

- "The fact neither of you has acted on your feelings doesn't mean you don't have a relationship."

The words came more upset than what Hotch had intended, so he took a deep breath and walked around his office for a moment.

- "After what happened to Haley, I've given too much thought to many of the decisions I've taken in the last years of my life."

I didn't know how to react to Hotch's words because of all the things I could have thought we would talk about. Listening to my unit chief open his heart and talk about his feelings was definitely not my first guess. Not even the eighth.

- "And I care about you and Reid. I don't want you to have any regrets."

- "Which regrets could I have?"- I don't know why I asked if I knew I wasn't going to like the answer.

- "Spencer is in love with you, and you are in love with him. Stop running away from your feelings and face them. Sometimes you have to be courageous and take the first step."

I looked at Aaron Hotchner, almost certain the man sitting in front of me wasn't the same Aaron Hotchner who had once hired me. The man who refused to speak his heart. At least, not me. No way on earth that was Hotch.

- "I know it's strange that I tell you this, and I know I am not comfortable doing this... but... I can see that you two did something wrong, and you should try to fix it before you regret it."

For once, I couldn't argue those words. I knew the speech, but it was useless lying to Hotch. He could see through all my bullshit.

- "I... don't think he feels the same as I do,"- I whispered and kept my eyes on my hands, feeling how my cheeks blushed immediately.

- "You are wrong. You two have been nonsensical, and if I can be sincere, it's getting painful to watch- I winced in a mix of embarrassment and frustration."

- "Hotch... it's not that easy. I don't know if you noticed, but Ashley is the girl who caught his attention."

- "It's the lies that we keep telling ourselves that define what we are instead of who we can really be."- he sentenced, shaking his head- "He loves you. But for the last few weeks, you two have been acting like you are twelve years old."

- "I don't think you are getting all the info straight. I mean... I have tried to tell him."

- "No, you have tried to teach a blind man how to recognize colors,"- now that was Hotch frustrated. He was clearly awkward but also upset I wasn't following his ideas.

- "I'm pretty sure he is with Seaver."

- "He asked never to be paired with Seaver,"- Hotch refuted, frowning. Now that was new information. But I kept refusing to admit anything.

- "Probably not to be suspicious or to make sure his head was in the job."

- "His request was literally: "I don't want to give (Y/N) any sign I like Seaver, 'cos I don't."

Hotch looked at me in silence as I tried to process what he had just said. I couldn't believe it, but at the same time, you can't ever doubt Hotch.

- "Why would he do such a thing?"

- "You have to ask him."

- "Maybe he just doesn't want anyone suspicious about what they have."

- "Why is it so hard to believe? He loves you!"

I opened my mouth to argue with my boss when Anderson knocked on the door and excused himself.

- "Strauss sent you this, sir. She said it's urgent."- Grant said and cut me a small smile before disappearing from the room.

- "Thank you, Anderson."- Hotch said as he went through the papers and sighed.

- "You are busy,"- I inferred and stood up- "We can continue... whatever this was some other time if you'd like."

I stood up, seeing a clear way out of that awkward conversation. I wasn't sure I could open my heart with him.

- "One more thing, (Y/N)"- Hotch said as I stood up and almost ran to the door.

- "What is it?"

- "Tell him how you feel, or I'll have to take action myself."

- "What kind of actions?"

- "Let's hope we don't get to that point."

Hotch's face was severe. He wasn't joking. I just nodded and walked out of his office, scared of what would happen if I ever told Spencer how I felt. But now I was being forced to. That wasn't good.

I looked around, Morgan was packing his things to leave, and Spencer was on the phone, walking to the elevators. Probably he had a date with Ashley, and he was calling her to tell her he was picking her up. I sighed, exhausted, and shook my head.

- "What is it, pretty girl?"- Morgan cut me a warm smile as I reached his side and sighed.

- "I am so tired. I just wanna go home and get under the blankets of my bed with a warm cup of tea and a book."

- "Damn! That sounds thrilling! When is your big date?"- I frowned, groaning. I had totally forgotten about that date.

- "Tomorrow... I'm kind of hoping we get called on a case so I can cancel..."

- "Why?"- Derek looked at me as I started getting ready to go home.

- "'Cos... I don't feel like going."

- "Then don't,"- his answer was so simple I almost laughed.

- "Yeah... I have to go. Did you see the books that guy sent me?"

- "But that doesn't mean you have to go out on a date. You are not forced to do it just 'cos he sent you a present."

- "I know... but I don't know... maybe I'm just too tired and not thinking clearly."

- "Well, go to sleep, pretty girl. And tomorrow, depending on how you are feeling, you can cancel that date. I know someone who would be thrilled to know you won't go out with some guy."

I just shook my head and put on my jacket. I knew he was talking about Reid, but I wasn't in the mood to keep on talking about him with other teammates. Hotch's pep talk had been enough.

- "See you tomorrow, Derek."

Spencer's point of view

My heart dropped as soon as Hotch called (Y/N) to his office. The last time he had done that, she had gotten into trouble with an unsub. She lost her temper in the interrogation room and almost hit the suspect. Had she done something? Was she in trouble? The fact she smiled and waved at me before closing the door made me feel actually worse. Maybe she knew she was in trouble.

I kept looking over from time to time, trying to catch a glimpse of what was happening inside Hotch's office, but I gave up after a few minutes because it was impossible.

I still couldn't shake the thought of (Y/N) being in trouble from my head.

- "Dr. Spencer Reid,"- I answered the phone and didn't take my eye from Hotch's door.

- "Hey Doc, Frank here. How are you?"

- "Hey! Good, how are you?"

- "Good, I was just thinking, is (Y/N) around?"

- "No, she is not. Why? She is with our chief unit... Do you need to reach her?"

- "No. Are you busy tonight?"

- "No, why?"

- "I need to talk to you. Alone."

- "Is everything ok?"- of course, it wasn't. Frank had never called to meet alone unless we were planning (Y/N)'s a surprise birthday party.

- "Yeah, don't worry. I just need to talk to you..."

- "Well... I'm heading home now."

- "Great, I just got off the plane... I can meet you there in an hour if that's ok with you."

- "Sure, see you there."

I had never been so nervous about talking with Frank before. Not even when we first met, and I freaked out thinking of any excuse to avoid going to (Y/N)'s apartment. The memories of that day filled my mind the whole way back home. That was the first time I had ever gotten drunk in my entire life, and I never told that to anyone. I always felt people thought I was a loser, and I didn't want to give them any more reasons to do it. But neither Mikey nor Frank ever laughed at me, though they were clearly cooler than I was. They would have never been my friends in high school.

Were they going to be my friends if (Y/N) and I stopped talking to each other? Of course not. What was going to happen between us? I had no idea, and the headaches overanalyzing everything produced me were driving me insane.

- "Hey man,"- Frank walked in and tapped on my back the second he showed up at my door.

- "How was your flight? Where were you?"

- "New York, applying for a job, but didn't get it,"- he took off his jacket and left it on a chair, as he had always done, despite the fact the hat rack was right next to the door.

- "I'm sorry, Frank."

- "That's ok. It wasn't for me."

- "I was gonna get something for dinner. Wanna join me?"

- "No, this won't take too long, I just..."

Frank sighed and looked at me, standing in the middle of my apartment. He was a little shorter than I was, so I had to look down at him, but that could never affect the fact he could kick my ass. I always knew that about him and Frank. In fact, I had seen them get into small fights a few times in the years I had met them.

And the way Frank looked at me that minute let me know he was actually considering hitting me.

- "Why are you mad at me?"

- "Don't profile me! I hate when you and (Y/N) start doing your Jedi shit."

- "I'm sorry, but... you are clearly not happy with me so, why don't you just say it?"

- "Ok, fine. What the fuck is wrong with you?"- Frank simply replied and crossed his arms on his chest.

- "What? What are you talking about?"

- "You have a girlfriend."

- "What? How do you... I don't!"- Frank just shook his head and started talking, not giving me a chance to explain I wasn't dating anyone.

- "Maybe this is my fault. Lu and Mikey kept telling me you had to tell her what you felt at your own peace! But four fucking years are enough to make up your fucking mind!! We were all sure you loved her, 'cos you did, right? I mean, as long as I know, you still do! I saw you less than a month ago, and you two were fucking husband a wife, for Christ's sake!!"

Frank was now almost yelling at me, and I still didn't understand a word that came from his lips.

- "Frank, what are you talking about?"

- "She fucking loves you!! And we were all waiting for you to date her!! Maybe even marry her!! But now you fucking ruined everything dating someone else! And she is fucking broken hearted!! You fucking hurt her!"- Frank yelled, his nostrils were flaring, and he even cracked his knuckles.

- "Frank, I don't really follow what you are saying, but I can assure you, I am not dating."

- "She already told me everything! You made her cry!!"

- "Who?"- I was so lost in that conversation I wasn't sure I followed him.

- "(Y/N)!! You broke her heart! And now I'm gonna have to break your bones!!"- the way Frank threatened me sounded funny, but it wasn't, at all, why? 'Cos I knew he meant it.

- "Wait!!"- I took a few steps back and raised my hands in a sign of defeat- "Stop it! I am not dating anyone!"

- "Don't lie to me, man. That will just make shit worst."

- "I am not lying! I'm just confused about all this... why would you say I'm dating."

- "(Y/N) told me yesterday."

I stared at Frank, speechless. My eidetic memory going a hundred miles, trying to find a moment in time that gave (Y/N) the impression I had a girlfriend.

- "But... I am not."

- "Then who is Agent Seaver?"- I froze and widened my eyes as Frank crossed his arms on his chest one more time and didn't move his eyes from mine.

- "Oh shit!!"- the curse was a whisper Frank read as a confirmation.

- "And you thought you could keep it from her?"

- "What? No! I am not dating Seaver! I don't even like her!!"- and for the first time since we started arguing, Frank gave me the chance to talk.

- "And why would (Y/N) say that?"

- "I have no idea!!! She hasn't spoken to me this whole week!! Not since I saw her making out with that random guy last Friday."

- "What?! She did what?!"- I feel like a blabbermouth telling Frank what her friend had done, but in my defense, (Y/N) had given him wrong information, and I had to set the record straight.

- "Can you explain to me what the fuck is going on between you two? 'Cos she didn't mention any of that!"

- "Beer?"

Ever since Frank and Mikey were my friends, I always had beers in my fridge. I didn't drink much, but I liked being ready in case they showed up. And they did, 'cos they were my friends.

I stood next to the fridge in the kitchen and took a sip of my beer. Frank stared at me from the other side of the room and waited for my explanation. So I tried to start from the very beginning.

- "I don't know why (Y/N) thinks I'm dating Ashley Seaver, but I am not. I barely talk to her."

- "Who is she?"

- "A young agent Emily is training in the BAU... she and (Y/N) don't get along from the start 'cos Seaver's dad killed Mrs. (Y/L/N)'s sister back in college."

- "What?!"- Frank was in shock.

- "Yeah, it's been pretty awkward since day one."

- "And what? She tried to apologize, and (Y/N) nearly killed her?"

- "That was day one. Everything went downhill from there. But I don't get why she thinks we are dating. I barely talk to Seaver. I specifically asked our unit chief not to pair me with her at any case or task to make sure (Y/N) wouldn't think I liked her."

- "Clearly, that didn't work,"- Frank pointed out the obvious and grabbed his phone- "We should ask (Y/N) why..."

- "No!! Please don't!! I don't want her to know we are talking about this,"- I almost choked on the beer when I heard him say that and nearly jumped to take the phone from his hand.

- "Why?"- I didn't have a reason. I just didn't want to do anything that might actually make things worse.

- "Because..."- I didn't pronounce another sentence. I literally deflated after just one word.

- "Shit, that's deep,"- Frank joked and sipped his beer- "If you are not dating Seaver, why haven't you told (Y/N) you love her?"

I opened my mouth to argue but stopped in my tracks and simply shrugged. It felt useless to deny it anymore. Apparently, everybody could see it but (Y/N). And if she did see it, then it just meant one thing:

- "Because she doesn't love me back. Now she is the one dating some random guy she met at a party."

- "The one she kissed Friday?"- Frank raised an eyebrow as I just nodded- "She probably did that out of anger is she thought you were dating Seaver."

- "You didn't see her, Frank. She didn't look hurt at all. She actually looked like she was enjoying it."

- "Well... I didn't see her, and you are right about that. But I've seen her for the last... five years or so. She loves you. You should ask her out on a date, finally."

- "Why would she go out with me?"- I asked, embarrassed of facing my feelings so openly in front of Frank. But he just shrugged and said.

- "I just said so, 'cos she loves you."

Now that was just painful to hear, especially 'cos Frank actually meant it.

- "She doesn't."- I whispered and sipped my beer.

- "Sorry, but I wasn't asking you if you thought she loved you. I am telling you, she does. Now, if you don't want to believe it, that's an entirely different story.

The way Frank looked at me, saying everything so lightly, like it wasn't a big deal at all, shocked me. He had always been upfront about pretty much everything since day one. But still, that day, I wasn't prepared for that. I stayed quiet, looking at the floor, not knowing what to say.

- "Shit! You really don't believe she has feelings for you!! Are you blind?!"

- "Frank, she is my best friend in the whole world. I don't want to lose her..."

- "Why would you lose her? Just 'cos you love her?"

- "If she doesn't feel the same... and I tell her how I feel..."- I started mumbling, but Frank snorted, frustrated.

- "She is so fucking in love with you; it's hard not making fun of it!! She way she looks at you, how she is always worried about you!"

- "She does the same for you, guys."

- "I've met that woman since when we were kids, and believe me, she has never treated us the way she treats you. We are still waiting for her to bake us birthday cakes. She bakes yours every year. Last year's cake was sick! She fucking made the whole Tell-tale heart scene on your fucking cake and hid a heart in the middle of it!! You know what she did for my birthday? She wrapped the guitar strings she got me. That was it. If that doesn't tell you how in love she is with you, I've got a fucking list of things she has done for you all these years! So fucking deal with it and tell her what you feel!"

- "I can't! I just can't do that!"- I yelled back at Frank, for once opening up about what I really felt- "Every time I look at her, and she smiles, my whole brain turns to mush! I can't tell her I love her 'cos she will laugh. A girl like her deserves everything a man can give her! Have you seen me? She deserves so much better!!"

I'm not gonna lie. It felt good finally saying what I felt out loud. Like a weight had been lifted from my chest. Frank just walked over and tapped on my back a few times, nodding.

- "She fucking loves you! You should be with her! That's it! Why are you overthinking this?!"

- "'Cos I don't wanna ruin it!"

- "You two have wasted like four years! I told her I wanted you two to date since the day I fucking met you! She had to ditch Paul and date you! But she is so fucking convinced you don't love her, she is..."

- "What?"- my heart stopped at those words- "Did she say so?"

- "She did, in fact, yell to me I had to stop telling her you loved her 'cos she knew it was a lie, and that's why she was in so much pain. When did that happen, you ask? Fucking yesterday, so don't come here and tell me she is dating some random guy she kissed at a party when she is clearly in love with you."

I don't know how to explain what that felt like. It was heartbreaking and, at the same time... encouraging?

- "She loves me?"- I asked Frank, still not fully understanding our conversation.

- "Doc, she fucking went behind your boss's back to stay with you in Las Vegas to help you figure out the case of a kid you thought your dad had killed. She fought Gideon when he told her she was a bad influence for you. She hates Lila Archer's movies because of you. I've seen her yell at the tv!"

- "What?"- that was too much information.

- "Just please, fix this shit and tell her you love her"

- "How?"- I honestly asked 'cos I didn't know how to do that. Frank frowned and finished his beer, leaving the bottle on the counter.

- "I don't know, man. Give her a romantic speech about what a big ass you've been all this time thinking she didn't feel the same, ask her to forgive you, and fucking kiss her!!"

- "Ok... how do I do that?"

- "I don't know, doc! You are the genius here!"

- "Actually, I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified... and I have no idea what to do..."

- "Yeah, clearly, this is not your forte. I'll give you that"- I shook my head as Frank stared at me, finally a smile curling on his lips.

- "You know everything she likes. There's no way you can go wrong. Just go to her house and tell her the words she wants to hear: I love you."

I nodded and tried to engrave those simple instructions in my head 'cos I knew I was going to ruin it: go there, say I love you. That was it. It was simple. I could do that. Right?

- "Do you need a ride?"- Frank asked and threw me my jacket.

- "Yes... I think I do."

- "Ok, doc, let's do this!"

(Y/N)'s point of view

I held my cup of tea with both hands and smiled, finally relaxing. That was just what I needed after a long miserable day. I sat on the couch, resting my feet on the table right in front of me, and sighed.

- "Sure, make yourself home."- Lu joked as she walked over with a bowl of popcorn and sat by my side.

- "Hey! I took off my shoes! I know you hate it when I leave footprints on your furniture."

- "How considered!!"- Lu joked as I grinned - "You should definitely come more often then."

- "I promise I will..."

- "And when are you gonna talk to the doc?"- I simply shrugged and focused on the tv in front of me.

- "(Y/N), you do realize you just spent two hours finally coming to your senses, right? I don't care if it's 'cos your boss is pushing you to do it. You have to tell Spencer you love him."

I pouted and groaned, but I knew she was right.

- "First, I have to cancel my date with James."

- "Yeah, do that now."

- "No, I don't wanna face reality today. I'll call him tomorrow around noon. I'm gonna tell him I'm on a case out of town, and I won't be able to make it for dinner."

- "Why don't you just tell him you are not interested 'cos you are in love with your best friend?"- I looked at Lu and widened my eyes- "Oh, come on!! We already passed the initial shock. We all knew you've been in love with Spencer for what seems to be ages!! I knew you loved him since you have him the scarf you knitted."

- "That was ages ago!"- I smiled and sighed- "He still wears it every winter"

- "Of course, he does, 'cos he loves you."

- "Do you really think he does?"

- "Are you serious? That man has been crazy for you since day one! He has been unconditional to you! You two can talk about your nerdy things for hours! Watching you is actually endearing. I had never seen two people just looking at each other with such love before! So please! Just do the right thing and tell him you love him."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I had concluded I had to tell Spencer I loved him because Hotch was right; it was affecting my work. I had to put an end to all that nonsense. Lu kept telling me Spencer would tell me he loved me too, but I was sure he wouldn't. Still, each time she tried to convince me, she made a point.

- "And he took you to Hawaii."

- "He didn't even touch me."

- "So? He hates the beach! The man hates the sun, the sand, and the seawater, and what did he do? He took you for ten days to a resort to the beach 'cos that's what you wanted."

- "His doctor told him the sea breeze was good for his lungs after the whole anthrax incident."

- "Anthrax, my ass! He wanted to make you happy, no matter if that meant being miserable for ten days. If that shit ain't love, then I have no idea what it is!!"

Lu was mad. She had cursed. I looked at her and just nodded.

- "And when you two have your first kid, I wanna be the godmother."

- "Lu, aren't you going a little fast?"

- "No. You two have been too slow with our confessions, so it's time someone speeds this up."

I drove back home around midnight. I was weary, and my body needed a good six hours of sleep after that miserable day. But I knew I wasn't going to get much rest. The idea of telling Spencer how I really felt was too scary, and I wasn't sure I would be able to go through with the plan. I didn't even have a plan. I just knew I had to do it before Hotch took the matter into his hands. Whatever that meant.

It was sad getting to my empty apartment. It felt cold and impersonal. I missed having Spencer around. We hadn't talked in a week, and I had never felt so alone in my entire life. If things didn't go well, I thought I could get a cat. I had always wanted one but never actually decided to take the big step and adopt one. I could go to the shelter and get a kitty.

I poured myself one last cup of tea and walked to my bedroom. Spencer's shirt I had worn as a pajama the night before was still on my bed, and I guessed there was no harm if I wore it again. I got under the covers and wrapped my own arms around my waist. I wondered if there would be a day when Spencer would cuddle me to sleep in our shared bed. Not like friends, like we had done so many times. It was embarrassing to think how many of those nights I had fallen asleep pretending Spencer was my boyfriend.

- "I am in love with you."- I whispered and sighed, closing my eyes.

What would Spencer do if I ever said those terrifying words out loud? I could almost see him freaking out in front of me. He wouldn't know what to do or what to say. If he didn't love me back, he would try to find the most careful way to reject me. He would reassure me he loved me, just not like that. But our friendship would be ruined anyway. I could never see him in the eyes after feeling his rejection. If he didn't love me, I was going to lose my best friend.

Sometimes, I felt Spencer was my soulmate. Lu was right; I had denied my feelings for too long. Had I wasted years of happiness with my honey bunny? Was it too late to tell him how I really felt?

I practiced my speech until two in the morning, rolling in my cold bed, alone, until I finally fell asleep. At seven am, I looked at my reflection in the mirror as I got ready for the day. That Friday was the day I was going to tell Spencer I loved him. I had to look my best. So I put on a lovely dress that always made me feel pretty, though I couldn't find my matching and favorite silk scarf. I did my hair nicely and put on a decent amount of makeup, primarily to hide the big dark rings under my eyes.

I stopped by Spencer's favorite coffee shop on my way to work and got him a cup of coffee and a box of donuts. I took a deep breath as I got out of my car and reminded myself I was doing the right thing. My plan was simple: I was going to give Spencer the coffee and the donuts as an apology for not talking to him in the lastest days. I was going to cancel my date with James, and I was going to ask Spencer out. Maybe like a date, and confess my true feelings for him.

But my plan was ruined before I even reached the main building. I walked through the parking lot and saw Spencer getting out of Ashley's car, holding a cup of coffee. They looked like the lovely young couple they were, after getting breakfast together... after spending the night together...

My broken heart kept breaking as I stared at the scene from a safe distance. I was right. I was too late to fight for Spencer. I had wasted all the chances I had ever had to be with him, and now I couldn't ruin his happiness. If he wanted to be with Ashley, I had to do the right thing and get out of his way.

I hurried up inside the main building and rushed into the elevator. I took deep breaths, trying to hold the tears inside. Whatever happened, I was not going to let Spencer see me cry. I grabbed the box of donuts and the coffee and hesitated when I reached the bullpen. Hotch was already in his office, talking with Rossi. I looked around, knowing Reid was about to get in there with Ashley, and I needed to hide from them.

- "I'm so glad you are here!!"- Penelope turned from her computer, surprised to see me rushing into her office.

- "Hey, munchkin!"

- "How is my favorite tech genius this morning? I got you breakfast!"- I could pretend to be hyper and happy, right?

- "And I love you so much!!"- Penelope smiled and grabbed the coffee- "Smells... delicious!"

- "Only the best for my dearest friend"- she looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

- "Are you ok?"

- "Of course!! I had a good night of sleep, and tonight, if no fucking psycho killers ruin my day, I am going to have a date with a hot guy who is so into me. He already sent me an expensive present, which by no means makes me feel pressured, not even a little! No!"

I freaked out immediately, thinking I had a date with a guy I didn't even like.

- "Ok, baby, sit down"- Penelope tapped on the chair next to her and looked at me with worried eyes- "Are you getting cold feet about this date?"

- "I just... I don't know how I feel about that date. I was ready to cancel, and now... I think I just should go."

I definitely wasn't telling Garcia what had happened earlier; how I was going to tell Spencer I love him until I saw him in Ashley's car. Why? Well, first, I didn't want to cry at work. Second, she would say I had to tell Spencer how I felt. And third, she would tell Morgan.

Penelope sipped her coffee and frowned. Still, she didn't say a word. Instead, she looked right into my eyes and whispered.

- "If you don't wanna go out with him, you don't have to."

- "I know. I just wish I wanted to... do you know what I mean?"

- "I do... "- Garcia nodded and sighed- "Munchkin, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, really."

- "Thank you"- I rested my head on her shoulder and just sighed. We both stayed quiet for a moment until my dear friend questioned.

- "Why did you give me Spencer's coffee?"

- "Wh... what?"- I felt so caught I actually stuttered.

- "This is not almond milk. This is filled with dairy, both milk, and cream... and the amount of sugar in this is..."

- "Oh, please!! Can you just pretend I fooled you?!"- I was mortified- "It's fucking eight in the morning, and the day has already turned as awful as it could be."

- "Come on, baby"- Garcia tried to soothe me- "You know life can always get worse, so let's start by being honest. Why didn't you give Spencer the breakfast you got for him?"

- "For not being a profiler, you are creepy good reading people, you know?"

- "Yes, I am a genius. You should have noticed that earlier in life. That wasn't so bright from you, profiler,"- she teased, trying to make me laugh. And I actually chuckled.

- "Good, I got a smile. Now, tell me what happened."

- "But I don't wanna cry at work... and Hotch already called me out for being unprofessional about this whole Spencer's thing."

- "What? When?"

- "Yesterday, he said I have to tell Spencer what I actually feel for him, or he is gonna take matters into his hands."

- "What did he mean by that?"

- "I have no idea! But it sounded serious,"- I sighed, defeated, and sipped my coffee- "So after zero sleeping for days and a very awkward talk with our unit chief, plus the threats from one of my closest friends, I had decided to tell Spencer that I..."

I couldn't even say it

- "What I feel for him, today."

- "Today?! With this breakfast I am eating?"- and of course, PG freaked out.

- "Well, I was going to give him food as an offering for ignoring him this week... then I was going to ask him out tonight, and that's when I wanted to tell him... but..."

I paused and took a deep breath, doing my best not to cry. I really didn't want to show how hurt I was, though I was almost sure my dear friend Garcia could see it clearly in my eyes.

- "Just please, don't tell Morgan."

- "My adorable munchkin, I don't tell everything about you and our resident genius to Derek!"

- "Yeah, but... I just... feel so..."

- "Good morning, Garcia!"- I bit my lips as soon as I heard Ashley's voice storming into my friend's office- "I brought you coffee!"

Penelope held my hand and squeezed it as soon as she noticed my mood shift.

- "Hi!"- and my dear friend was so awkward it could have actually been fun if I wasn't so angry.

- "Oh, hi (Y/N), I didn't know you were here already..."

- "Yeah, we were having breakfast, actually,"- I pointed at our coffees and donuts, and Ashley nodded, blushing.

- "Sorry... I didn't know you were here... I didn't get you any..."

- "No, don't worry, Ashley. It's not like you know you I actually work here too,"- I wasn't even trying to be polite with her anymore. I hated her. Hotch was going to be so mad...

Seaver just stared at us and nodded in silence. Then, she turned around and left, closing the door behind her back. I groaned and nearly hit my head against the desk.

- "Wow, you are not even pretending for the cameras."

- "That was me trying not to kill her, actually. If she walked out on her own, then it was a very successful encounter."

- "What the hell, (Y/N)?"

- "I was gonna tell him, and then I saw him getting out of her car in the parking lot..."

- "Spencer Reid?!"- Penelope freaked out. I just nodded- "Dr. Spencer Reid?? The nerd in love with you? Getting out of her car?"

- "And carrying breakfast, like a lovely young couple. I bet they banged last night."

- "No way!"

- "Why not?!"

- "Because he loves you, and no one calls it "bang" anymore!" Where have you been?"

- "Penelope!"- my friend smiled at me and offered me a donut, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and resting her head against mine.

- "My dearest munchkin. Don't let this stop you. You were on a mission this morning."

- "They banged, fucked, had sex, call it what you want!! I am not telling Reid anything!! And I guess I'm going out with James tonight 'cos... if I don't, I'm gonna die alone, and my cat is gonna eat me!!"

I was nonsensical. I knew it. But there was nothing that could stop me from being absurd. I was scared and hurt. I actually thought I was going to go crazy.

I stayed with Penelope for a while, trying to cool my head. I didn't want to snap with Seaver again. I knew it had been a mistake. I saved Hotch a donut and asked him if I could work in JJ's old office. I told him I wanted to concentrate and that I really needed the time alone. Of course, he could see through my bullshit.

- "I told you, if you don't fix things with Reid, I am going to intervene."

- "I am going to do it, sir. Just... after I get all this paperwork done. I'll talk to him this weekend."- I looked into Hotch's eyes, trying my best to lie correctly. Do you have any idea what lying to the best profiler in the FBI felt like? It was mission impossible.

- "Good, (Y/N). I'm glad to know you've made the right decision."

- "Thank you, sir."

Spencer's point of view

After I got out of Frank's car, holding a bouquet of flowers, I forced him to help me get in our way over. It took me almost half an hour to walk from the sidewalk to the door of (Y/N)'s building.

- "I am in love with you,"- I whispered and shook my head, knowing she deserved better than that simple confession. I took the stairs, trying to improve my speech.

- "I have always been in love with you, from the minute I first saw you,"- I whispered and wiped off the sweat from my hands against the fabric of my jacket. It sounded terrible. I knew I was going to get it all wrong.

- "What am I doing?"- I stopped in my tracks before I reached her floor- I can't do this.

I literally froze and felt sick in my stomach. I couldn't do that. What was I doing? How had I let Frank talk to me into doing something so stupid? What was I getting into? I couldn't do it.

For a minute or so, I stood in the middle of the stairs, not able to move or formulate a single coherent thought. I was trying to

But if I didn't, and she loved me... I was going to lose everything I had ever dreamed of and that I never imagined I could have. No, I had to do it. I had to tell (Y/N) I loved her. And I had to do it that day. "Your head is spinning because it's full of ghosts," I remembered Julio's words and took a deep breath.

I ran the last steps of the stairs and reached her door, panting. But I didn't wait. I knocked on her door and waited.

- (Y/N), it's Spencer. Are you home?- but nothing. So I knocked again.

- Chipmonk, please open the door. I know I've been an asshole this whole week, but I need to talk to you. There is something you should know.

But nothing. Just silence. I knocked a few more times and patiently waited. No answer. I thought about it for a second and took the key she had given me years ago in case of any emergency. I had ended up using that key a million times, not really for many emergencies. I used it to prepare her surprise birthday party many times or come in when she knew I was coming. Or when I stayed over for the weekend, and it was my turn to pick up something from the store. So that day, I used it and opened her door.

Walking into (Y/N)'s apartment felt like walking into her arms. It smelled like her, and it felt like home. I took a look around, calling out her name. But she wasn't there.

Her place was kind of messy. There were many blankets on the couch and some clothes lying around. Man's clothes. For a moment, my heart sank. I thought maybe James was spending time there too. But soon, I realized...It was my clothes. I walked into her room and saw her unmade bed. My old red sweater was on her pillow, and some of the shirts she liked were close as well.

Why was she surrounded by my things? Did she... miss me that much? Could it be Frank was actually right? She loved me and missed me? I looked around and tried to find confirmation, though I felt overwhelmed by emotion at the moment.

(Y/N) loved me. There was a chance she actually loved me the way I did.

I fell on her bed and contained tears that almost started falling down my eyes. There might be a chance she loved me, and I refused to ruin it. She couldn't find me in her house out of the blue. She deserved better than that. She deserves the world. So I quickly collected all my things and walked to the door to think of a better way to confess my undying love. Undying, cheesy, and yet, honest.

But before I was out, I walked back to her room and opened her closet. If she had all my clothes to think of me, I wanted a souvenir too. My eyes traveled quickly through all the items hanging until her purple satin scarf caught my eye. I loved how she looked on it, and it smelled like her. I hid it in my pocket and walked out of her apartment.

Not even the tiny bouquet of flowers I had gotten her seemed to be enough. Frank said she'd love them, but... it just wasn't good enough for her.

I had a lot of planning to do. And I have no idea where to start. I had high standards to beat. After all, I had read all of the romantic books (Y/N) had in her house and seen all the romantic comedies she loved. All of those more than ten times. So... how was I going to do it? Was I going to pour my heart out to her in the most romantic way possible and finish with:

- "I am just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love him,"- I said out loud as I poured myself a fresh cup of coffee.

No. That didn't feel right. It had to be better. Who was (Y/N)'s biggest love reference? Mr. Darcy. How had he done it? Well... he didn't do it right the first time, so he started making amends with a letter. I could begin with a letter. After all, I had written (Y/N) many love letters I had never given her in all those years. Letters that contained all my feelings for her as a way of letting it out of my chest. But they were never meant for her to see.

I sat at my desk and grabbed my favorite pen. But before I could actually start writing, I noticed I needed music, romantic music, for inspiration. I picked the same Amy Winehouse vinyl record I had been listening to for the last couple of days and walked back to my seat.

Writing a love letter wasn't easy. Putting facts into words, that's a task I can complete, no questions asked. But that Thursday night, I struggled with every sentence I created. I wasn't a writer and neither a man who had any kind of experience with love or being in love. Less with confessing such feelings. But I had to give my best.

Around one in the morning, I finished the third version of that letter. Frank had texted me to know if things had gone well, but I told him she wasn't home.

- "Don't worry, Paco,"- I said and smiled while holding her silk scarf- "Tomorrow is the day."

My wristwatch said four in the morning when I stopped painting and decided to get into bed. I had to get at least two hours of sleep. Not that (Y/N) had never seen my insomniac face before, but I needed to, at least try, to look presentable for her. After writing, my mind was flooded with emotion, and I couldn't stop thinking about everything we've been through all those years together. (Y/N) and I. we had been best friends for so long, yet, I could now see our friendship had always been a little different. We were closer... sidekicks... lovers without kissing. I needed to feel her hand in mine. Her arms around me. But it was only a few more hours.

Was she going to like me in the morning? I felt butterflies in my stomach just with the idea of confessing my feelings. I set everything ready and went to bed. I barely had the energy to put on my pajamas and turn off the lights. (Y/N)'s scarf wrapped softly on my wrist.

I frowned, baffled and lost, when I opened the door the following morning and found Ashley at the other side.

- "Can I talk to you for a moment?"- she whispered and handed me a fresh cup of coffee- "I brought you a peace offering for being so obnoxious the other day."

It was clear Ashley was honest, and she was embarrassed about her behavior. Otherwise, she wouldn't have shown up at my door. So I smiled and nodded, trying to show her I wasn't mad at her.

- "Water under the bridge"- I whispered and held the coffee she gave me. No milk, no cream, no sugar. Just like (Y/N) liked it. Ashley noticed how I prepared coffee at the BAU but never realized I wasn't making myself a cup. I was making (Y/N)'s.

- "I am very embarrassed... and I really like working with you... regardless of everything I said. I don't..."

- "We can pretend that never happened,"- I interrupted her, and she just smiled and nodded.

- "I would like that. I am sorry I was rude... Do you want a ride to work? We are a little late."

I thought about it for a second. I wanted to stop by and get (Y/N) more flowers, but we were late, and I wasn't planning on telling her how I felt until later that night.

- "Sure, let's go."

(Y/N) was nowhere to be found that day, and that immediately got me on my nerves. Her things were on her desk, but she wasn't there.

- "Hey García, have you seen (Y/N)?"- I walked in and watched her stay still, shocked.

- "Hello there, Dr. Reid. How are you today? Nice to see you too."

- "Sorry!"- I cut her an awkward smile and waved- "Hi! How are you?"

- "The damage is already done, Dr. Reid. Clearly, you are not here looking for my companionship."

- "Sorry, I just haven't seen (Y/N) today. You?"

- "Yes, my pretty chipmunk was here earlier, and that's all I know. Why?"- Garcia raised an eyebrow and looked into my eyes- "Why are you so interested in her?"

I didn't know if it was because I had spent most of the night planning to confess (Y/N) my feelings, but Penelope's question sounded suspicious. I tried to act normal and just frowned.

- "I just wanted to know if she was here 'cos I haven't seen her around."

- "She had work to do, and I think she had a meeting with Hotch."

- "Again?!"- I couldn't help but raise my voice, scared of the idea of (Y/N) being scolded by Hotch for two days in a row.

- "But she had a meeting with him yesterday!"- I argued, but Garcia just shrugged.

- "That's all I know. Also, she brought donuts"- I stared at her dish. Chocolate frosted donut with sprinkles. My favorites.

- "Do you know if she... got one of those for me?"

- "I don't know, why don't you ask her?"- Garcia questioned back and raised an eyebrow

- "I would, but I don't know where she is."

- "Besides... didn't you have breakfast already?"

- "There's always room for a donut... for my favorite donut."

Penelope raised an eyebrow, trying to read beyond my words. Was I just talking about donuts, or was I talking about (Y/N)? Did she actually mean breakfast? Of course, she did. Garcia wasn't implying anything else! I was just overthinking everything!

Right?

- "I'll see if she is still with Hotch."

- "Hey, Reid"- Penelope called out my name when I was about to reach the door- "When you see her, you should tell her it's her breakfast you are interested in. No other."

I stared at Garcia and opened my mouth. But no word came from it. I just know I blushed and nodded, leaving her office soon after.

But I didn't find (Y/N) during that whole day. And it was both frustrating and nerve-wracking. The letter I wrote her kept burning me, as I felt it in my jacket's pocket, beating like a second heart. I wasted a whole paperwork day trying to concentrate, but I couldn't. I managed to get the least work done in years, 'cos my mind focused on her. On (Y/N). In her absence.

By the end of the day, I had lost all hope of finding her around and did what all desperate men would do. I waited by her car in the parking lot.

Around six-thirty, I heard her shoes approaching the vehicle, and my heart stopped when I saw her eyes in mind, nearly shocked to find me there.

- "Hi"- that was all I managed to say. My voice was a whisper that even I barely heard.

- "What are you doing here?"

- "I was waiting for you. I thought it was obvious."

I smiled and tried to ease her mood. But it didn't work. She looked so mad at me, though those few words were the longest conversation we had shared in over a week. Why was she mad at me? Was it too cheesy to tell her she looked adorable when she was mad? Of course, it was. I still took a mental note to tell her that later on. Maybe later that same evening if things went well.

- "Why?"- (Y/N) frowned and opened her car, and threw her purse in the back seat.

- "I wanted to talk to you."

- "I can't, Spencer. I am late,"- she called me by my name, and that reality check hurt me.

- "Late for your date with James?"

- "I don't feel like talking about that with you. Goodbye, Spencer."

- "Wait. (Y/N), stop."- I held her arm and felt her whole body shiver under my touch. I would have held her longer, but she pulled her arm from my grip and frowned- "Why are you so mad at me?"

- "Mad? I am not mad!"- I know she was a good liar, but she was so mad her whole body language gave it away, along with her high-pitched voice.

- "I think you are... Why?"- I tried to move closer, but she crossed her arms on her chest and stood next to the opened passenger door. Ready to escape.

- "I am just in a hurry, Spencer. That's it."

There it was, the confirmation of her anger. My name, leaving her lips with fury. I wanted to hold her. I needed to feel her close, with a desperation I had never experienced before. I was craving for her. And there she was, right in front of me, refusing to even look at me.

- "Can you just... give me a chance to talk to you?"- my words came as a whisper, almost as a beg.

- "Isn't someone else waiting for you?"

- "Me? No. No one,"- I answered, confused by what she was implying- "I just need to talk to you. Please."

- "Sorry, I'm late. But... maybe..."- (Y/N) hesitated and looked at someone else walking close to us. I didn't even bother. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

- "Would you... would you take this?"- I held the letter and gave it to her. She hesitated before taking it, and my heart nearly burst at the thought of her holding my love confession in her hands.

- "What's this?"

- "Can you read it?"- but it only lasted for a second. (Y/N) shook her head and gave me back my letter.

- "Not now, I'm late."

- "(Y/N), please."

- "No, Reid. I can't read this now. I am late."

- "Please, (Y/N). I need to tell you something."

- "And I need to leave. So, bye."

(Y/N) slipped through my fingers like water. I stayed still, staring at her as she disappeared, and cursed myself under my breath for being so petrified to act. I wanted to cry. I was so frustrated with myself.

- "I love you. I don't want you to go out with him. You should be with me."

It was liberating to say those words out loud even though she wasn't there to listen.

- "Nice kid. Now next time, say it when she can hear you."

I recognized Morgan's voice behind me. And I guess I could have felt embarrassed if I wasn't so frustrated already. And most of all, so mad at myself. I had practiced. I had tried. I knew what I had to say. But when I was with her, I just couldn't. And now he was out there on her way to date another man.

I felt Derek's hand on my shoulder, tapping on it a few times. I sighed and nodded.

- "Come on. First-round is on me."

It only took Morgan two rounds to get me talking. To be fair, I wanted to speak. He had already heard what I wanted (Y/N) to know.

- "I just wanna tell her I love her. I need to tell her what I feel for her 'cos now I can see there might be a chance she loves me too."

- "Might be a chance?"- Morgan frowned and shook his head- "Kid, that woman is head over feet in love with you. And she has been for years. I just can't believe you've wasted all these years!!"

- "I can't believe I am sitting here with you when she is out there on a date with some other man!!"- I nearly yelled and drank what was left of my third whisky, immediately raising my hand, asking for another round. Derek raised an eyebrow as he stared at me, and somehow it felt like he was mad at me for something.

- "Kid. You know I love you, but you've been so fucking stupid and blind it's been painful for us to watch! You've had so many chances to be with her! She has been crazy in love with you ever since she was dating that other guy!!"

- "Paul? That was ages ago!"- I said ages to sound less obsessive, but I knew exactly how long it had been since they had broken up. It was also the amount of time I had spent without using Dilaudid.

- "Well, she loved you even back there! I bet you are the reason they broke up!"

- "No, I wasn't"- I sighed, thinking I wished I was, but I knew (Y/N) had broken up with him 'cos she didn't love him.

- "Why are you so sure?"

- "She told me"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and looked at me so severely- "What?"

- "Back then, that girl got into trouble for arguing with Lila Archer. Remember?"

- "Eidetic memory, Morgan. Of course, I remember."

- "Sorry, genius"- the waitress arrived with our fourth round, and my body felt way more relaxed by them. Also, my tongue started to slur as I spoke.

- "My pretty pumpkin actually called Lila, and I quote: "annoying, always ignoring our orders, keeping herself in danger, not helping, being a squeamish little princess who is used to do whatever the fuck she wants, and who didn't care to put people around her in danger."- I chuckled remembering that conversation- "And then she joked saying "Of course you were oblivious to all this 'cos you couldn't stop staring at her."

- "Ok, Reid, that's what girls say when they are jealous! And she was clearly jealous of Lila! When she saw you two in that pool? I thought (Y/N) was gonna kill her! I swear I was waiting for her to jump into the pool and end with her!"- Morgan laughed, picturing the scene in his mind. I sipped my whisky, not quite sure he was into something there.

- "I really think she didn't like her 'cos she found her annoying. (Y/N) finds most people annoying."

- "And not you. What does that tell us?"

- "That I am not annoying"- Morgan looked at me and opened his mouth to say something but stayed quiet. And instead, he just chuckled.

- "What about that waitress?"

- "Who?"

- "The one you picked up in the bar with a magic trick?"

- "I didn't pick on her!! I was doing my work and..."

- "And you got her phone number, and she sent you that card with a kiss..."- Morgan stared at me, waiting for a reaction- "Ok, in case you didn't notice, (Y/N) was jealous of her too."

- "She was mad 'cos she said I was unprofessional."

- "Ok, fine, whatever. And now, what's the plan, casanova? When are you telling her you love her?"

- "Now, tonight, after this drink,"- and I hurried to drink it faster.

- "What?"

- "I've got a love letter like Darcy gave to Lizzy."

- "Who the fuck are those?"

- "Her favorite characters from her favorite book"- I explained, annoyed, and drunk- "They were in love but never acted on it 'cos they were both proud and held severe prejudices against each other. So when he told her he loved her, it was a mess. Then, he wrote her a letter trying to explain to her why he had been nonsensical. Then she read it and realized she loved him, but thought it was too late, so both of them acted like nothing was going on until they realized they had been fools, and Darcy confessed his love, and she told him she loved him too..."

There was a blank stare in Morgan's eyes when I was done speaking.

- "How many times have you read that?"

- "Today? Eleven"

The way Morgan wide opened his eyes, shocked, made me think maybe I had overreacted with how many times I read Pride and Prejudice. But he didn't say anything, just nodded.

- "Ok, kid, you can't talk to her today."

- "Why now? I was actually going to drop by her apartment and read the letter."

- "Spencer, you are drunk."

- "I am not!"- I was, in fact, intoxicated.

- "Prove it!"- Derek dared me, chuckling

- "How? Want me to walk on a line and touch my nose with my fingers?"

- "Go talk to those girls over there"- he pointed at a bunch of women who kept flirting with him from a distance at the bar counter.

- "Why would I do that? I am in love! I just told you I am about to confess my true feelings to the one woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I swear, Morgan, if she says she loves me, I'm gonna ask her to marry me."

- "What?!"- my friend nearly choked with his drink.

- "Yeah! I've wasted too much time! I wanna marry that woman! In fact! I'm gonna tell her that right now!"- I stood up too quickly, and the whole room started spinning. Morgan grabbed my arm and forced me to sit down again.

- "Hold on, Reid! You need a round of water before we leave this bar."

- "No, Derek, you don't get it. I finally see everything clear now!! It's all clear!! I've loved her for so long... and maybe Frank is right, maybe she has loved me all along."

- "Dude, that's literally what I've been telling you for the last hour!!"- Morgan nearly yelled, frustrated.

- "Yeah, but Frank has been her best friend since they were four! Can you imagine? Little (Y/N) at four, playing... our kid would be so cute if they are like her."

- "Ok, Reid, you are creeping me out"

- "Why?"- I couldn't understand why Morgan was so shocked. I thought he wanted to know how I felt.

- "For the last five years, you've been in love with her, and you've denied it over and over again. And now suddenly, you get drunk and spill your heart open."

- "I just... I don't want these ghosts haunting me anymore. Julio was right!"

- "You lost me, man"

- "Our last case in Miami. My head was killing me, and Julio knew it. He said it was this job and everything I was bottling up that was driving me insane. Now I can see it clearly! I have to tell (Y/N) how I feel for her! That woman is the love of my life! She saved my life!!"

- "Calm down, Spencer."

- "Calm down?? She is out there with that guy!! What if they kiss again? What if they fuck?! No way! We have to stop her. I have to stop her!!"

I don't know how I got out of that chair and stormed out of the bar.

- "Reid! Wait!"

(Y/N)'s point of view

James was hot. Yes, that's true. I can't deny what's real. I saw him talking at the other side of the table, being charming, being fucking perfect. And there I was, not feeling anything. Nothing. Good old (Y/N) a few years ago would have been crazy for that guy. Before I met Spencer. But after Spencer.... There was nothing after him. And I could see it. I could feel it inside of me. How he had ruined me without even touching me. Does that make any kind of sense?

- "So, what do you do when you are not fighting crime?"- James asked me with the most charming smile. I just sighed and tried to look interested. I honestly wanted to try. But I soon realized everything I could answer included Spencer.

- "I am a big nerd, so I'm getting ready to go to Comicon this year."

- "In costume?!"- he widened his eyes and smiled, excited

- "Yes, of course. In costume is the only way to go to Comicon,"- in costume with Reid...

- "And which is your costume this year?"

- "Slave Leia"- James smiled mischievously and ran his tongue through his lips.

- "I won't miss this Comicon."

- "I also like hanging out with my friends. I usually host dinner parties 'cos I love cooking,"- with Spencer...

- "That's awesome, 'cos I love eating. Are you into board games?"

- "Yeah! Love them! We usually play a lot."

We. Spencer, and I.

I was doomed. I was never going to love anyone else. Spencer was overshadowing everything I might like about James. What did I actually like about James? That he was interested in me. Was Spencer interested in me? Lu said so. Garia said so. Emily said so. But I didn't. Why? Why couldn't I believe Spencer might love me? Was I terrified to lose him as a friend, or was I petrified to lose myself in him? Was I scared to be loved by him? To be happy? To have someone to love me, want me, and make me happy?

Was I scared of being loved by Reid? Of being happy with him? 'Cos each time I thought about it, it didn't feel like Spencer was just a guy I had a crush on or a guy I had fallen for. It felt like he was the love of my life, my happy ending. My forever after. And that scared the shit out of me. I've always been scared I would ruin the love of my life like my parents had destroyed their happiness. I knew the job was going to get in the middle. And I was already in love with my job.

Well... so was Reid.

In fact, we shared that love. We did everything together, including working. And god, I loved being in the field with him. I hated the fear of losing him I often felt whenever we were together, but the thrill of catching an unsub with Reid, of saving lives together. Nothing could ever compare to that. Well, maybe sex with Spencer, but I didn't know it for a fact. I wished I knew...

- "(Y/N)?"- James was looking at me, waiting for an answer. But I never got the questions. I was just lost in the thought of Spencer.

- "Sorry, you were saying?"

- "I was wondering if you wanted to go somewhere else... Maybe you could show me your record collection."

Dinner was over. We had our dessert and coffee. A part of me felt I had to say yes, 'cos I felt pushed to like him. But I just couldn't force it. I knew it was meant to turn out badly.

- "Actually, I'm tired... I'm sorry. It was a long week and included a trip to Miami to catch a lunatic..."

- "Of course, not a problem. I'll take you home."

The drive back to my apartment was mostly silent. It wasn't awkward, but it wasn't really comfortable either. It was just me feeling Spencer's absence. And it hurt in ways I hadn't realized just yet. It made me wonder if my life without him was destined to be like that.

- "I had a great time tonight,"- I said when James parked outside my building.

- "Me too..."- he turned to me and cut me a big smile, as his eyes locked with mine. I could see him leaning in, and my whole body refused to kiss him. So I opened my door and nearly jumped out of his car.

- "Ok, it's getting late."

- "I'll walk you to your door."

- "No, you don't have to."- but James was already by my side, holding my hand (something I absolutely hated) and walking with me to my building.

- "I have to tell you, (Y/N). I was hoping to meet you at Anderson's party."

Oh shit, I didn't really want to go through that conversation with him. I thought I could just ghost out of that dinner, but James wasn't making things easy. So I opened my building's door, and he followed me in. Shit.

- "I don't know if he told you anything but... I just had the biggest crush on..."

- "James, you don't have to..."

- "But I want to. I just feel like we could go somewhere. I know it's only our first date, but I think you are the most incredible woman I've ever met. And I would be ecstatic if you would want to go out with me again."

I sighed and turned to him. We were standing by my door, and I could feel he wanted to kiss me goodnight.

- "James. I feel flattered, but... I can't do this."

- "What? Why?"

- "Because I am in love with someone else... I've been in love for a while now, but I never thought I might have to actually act on it until now..."

James stared into my eyes, confused, hurt, and... sad. I nodded and did the kindest thing I could under the circumstances and hugged him.

- "I am sorry. You are a fantastic guy, and I'm sure if I wasn't in love already, this would have worked, but..."

- "It's ok, (Y/N). Really. You don't have to apologize. I was just one date, no harm done."- my date kissed my cheek and smiled- "Besides, I got to meet my favorite profiler."

- "Prentiss?"- I joked, and he chuckled.

- "And what are you gonna do about this mystery guy?"

- "I don't know. I don't think he feels the same... but I think I have to tell him, or I'll go crazy."

- "He would be crazy if he rejects you,"- James whispered and smiled- "Good night, crime fighter."

I closed the door behind my back and let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I felt bad for James. But I couldn't take care of his feelings when I had been neglecting mine for so long.

What was I supposed to do? I was so tired of overthinking everything. Of being afraid. I put the kettle on to make myself a cup of tea and laid on my couch for a minute. It smelled like Spencer. There was one of his sweaters there. I quickly grabbed it and buried my face in it, pretending it was his neck, and I could even land butterfly kisses on his skin.

I couldn't run from it anymore. I was going to tell Spencer Walter Reid what I felt for him. And I was going to do it the following day. How? With my original plan: I was going to bring his favorite breakfast to his house. I was going to apologize for being a jerk, and I was going to invite him over for dinner. I was going to cook his favorite. Then I was slowly and carefully going to handpick the right words to tell him I am desperately in love with him.

That sounded like a good plan. My phone rang, forcing me to roll on that couch, but I carried Spencer's sweater with me. It was Penelope.

- "Please don't tell me we've got a case."

- "No, munchkin. I just wanted to check on you. What happened to James?"

- "I blew him off- I stood up and walked to the kitchen to make my cup of tea- "It was kind of painful."

- "I'm glad you did anyway. You have to do the right thing."

- "Yeah, I guess,"- I closed the widow 'cos there was a lot of yelling coming from the street.

- "Where are you?- Penelope asked, probably hearing it too.

- "At home, getting ready for bed."

- "What's that noise?"

- "I don't know. I think there's a fight downstairs. Anyway, tomorrow I'm gonna talk with Spencer and tell him everything."

- "Please let me know how that goes!!"- I chuckled as I heard the genuine excitement in her voice.

- "I promise I will. Thank you for checking on me."

- "Anytime, munchkin. Sleep tight."

Spencer's point of view

- "Oh shit! Oh shit!"

I saw (Y/N) getting out of James's car, and Derek had to hold me on my seat to stop me from running over. We were parked outside of her building, and Morgan was still trying to convince me to go home. I told him I would behave and peacefully go home if I saw (Y/N) reaching her home safe and sound... without James.

But no. He was there. I could see him walking with her, hand in hand, to her building.

- "Maybe he is just going to take her to her door,"- Morgan said, trying to calm me down. I clenched my fist and waited in silence for a few seconds. But James didn't leave her at her door. He followed her inside. And that was when I lost it and literally jumped off the car.

- "Reid!! No!! Wait!!"- Derek ran behind me and grabbed my arm. A car passed and honked at us, 'cos it almost ran me over. I wanted to yell, "Fuck you!" but I barely noticed it. My eyes were locked at that building's door.

- "Dude! Come on, get back in the car!"- Derek tried to calm me down.

- "No!"- I argued and kept pulling my arm, trying to get free of his hands. But he wasn't letting me go.

- "You are drunk! You are not thinking straight! Come on!!"

- "No! Let me go! I need to talk to her!

- "What you wanna tell her, you should confess sober, with flowers... and chocolates, or whatever she likes."

- "I can't wait anymore!! I can't wait until it's perfect!! He is going to kiss her again and... and I can't deal with that!!"- I managed to get loose of Derek's hand and ran to (Y/N)'s building the second James walked out of it.

My blood boiled as soon as I saw him, and my first instinct was to punch him, But I managed to suppress it. Instead, I just looked at him threateningly. Or at least that's what I tried to do.

- "What's your problem, dude?"- James frowned as he noticed me staring.

- "You are my problem, dude,"- I answered with a snarky tone as that asshole took a step closer and shook his head.

- "What the fuck?!"

- "Stay the fuck away from (Y/N), James,"- I said, and he widened his eyes, surprised I knew him.

- "Who the hell are you?!"

- "I am the love of her life, and you are in the way of our forever after."

- "Kid, come on"- Derek tried to pull me away, but he was just embarrassing me.

- "Yes, kid. Go with your buddy. Leave (Y/N) to me."

James chuckled and turned around. And I don't know what took over me, but I couldn't control it. I ran to him and pulled his shoulder. I felt the pain of my fist hitting his face, but I didn't care if my knuckles were on fire. All I could feel was the profound pleasure of finally breaking that guy's nose with my own hands.

- "What the fuck?!"- Derek was in shock, and honestly, so was I. I didn't know I had that in me. I had never gotten in a fight that wasn't with an unsub. And still, on the field, I always tried to talk my way out of every conflict.

- "He has to back off! He is getting in the middle of my relationship with my pumpkin!!"- I argued and looked at my hand, knowing it would be sore in the morning. That was when James's fist collided against my jaw, and I felt how my whole body nearly spun like a cartoon with the strength of the blow.

- "Hey! Hey! Stop!"- Derek pulled James away from me as I touched my face, trying to put two and two together.

- "Tell your friend to stay away from me, or I'm gonna break his face!!"

- "You and which army?!"- I yelled and tried to punch him again, but Morgan stayed between us, trying to keep us apart.

- "Ok, ok, calm down, we are leaving! Reid! Come on!!"

- "No!! I am not leaving until I am sure that he is going to stay away from her!!"

- "Stay away from (Y/N)? Deal! Now get the fuck away from me!"- James shoved me on his way to his car, and I nearly hit him again. But Derek stopped me. He grabbed my arms and pushed me to his car.

- "Enough! I'll take you home."

***

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@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic @fandomtrash2405 @eyakoroleva @nani-2305

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @meowiemari @archer561

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Next update: July 7th, 2021

[soulwillower]

tozier (vii)

(tozier!reader smut)

requested: okay so once regular requests open, here’s my idea. so the reader and richie are siblings and they absolutely hate each other and to get under his sisters skin, he fucks her best friend. so in sheer anger she decides to fuck all of his

warnings: smut, unprotected sex, dirty talk, also minor violence, bit of blood, sub reader AND dom reader, BOTH baby, light choking, mild mild cumplay, oral (fem recieving) 

part 7 of the tozier series [  i  ii iii  iv v vi ]

guys!! finally the last part, thanks for all the love on this series :) this was rly so so much fun to write for yall, pls let me know how u feel about this/the series in general

(losers and reader are 20+ and in college in this)

4.5k words

♡

"i fucked your friends, anyways." you say with a grin. 

"funny, y/n. as if any of them would settle for you." richie snarls, smirking as if he's proud of what he'd said. it makes you smirk, shaking your head. if only he knew. 

"richie, i don't think she's joking." ben speaks up. everyone's eyes turn to ben, and your heart pounds as you bite your lip. you look at each of the others quickly - ben's gnawing on his lip and looking at richie uncertainly, mike is staring at the ground in thought, eddie's staring at his lap with an amused grin, bev is smirking between the two boys with her eyebrows raised, and bill is looking at ben with a small look of realization.

your eyes land on stan, who's staring back at you intently, a suggestive look on his face as he tugs a small part of your underwear from his front pocket as he thumbs it with his finger. you send him an intent look back, trying to beg him not to do it. 

when you look at richie, he's shocked, mouth agape. "what?" richie says quietly. "you fucked my best friend. it was only fair." you say with a shrug, smiling at him. he looks like he might punch you. 

you stifle a laugh, trying to keep a straight face but failing. richie looks furious as he walks up to you, the two of you standing in the middle of the make-shift circle the losers formed in the living room. 

"which one?" he says through a clenched jaw. 

"all of them."

the room is silent as everyone's jaws drop except yours, bev's, and surprisingly stan's - the latter of whom are smirking. richie looks like he's in utter disbelief. it's silent for a few moments, until someone breaks the quiet. 

"who was the best?" 

you turn bright red at that. 

"shut the fuck up, eddie!" richie yells, no sign of joking on his face; he's red as he stares you down. you don't cower at all in front of him - in fact, you're definitely the one with the most power in this situation, and you smirk. 

"so... a-all of us slept with y/n?" bill says in shock. everyone looks around and you're just smirking, your brother furious. "i can't fucking believe you. this isn't funny at all." richie snips. 

"this isn't any different from what you did, richie. c'mon, it was just some fun. it's not like it meant anything more to any of us." mike says. you're shocked that they're all taking it so well.. you never expected them to find out, but they seem to be on your side. thank god. 

your eyes dart to stan, who's still sat on the couch. he meets your eyes and doesn't back down, his gaze piercing and intense. his eyes course over your figure and you feel a twinge of emotion as you remember his hands on your skin, his lips.... you clear your throat as you look away, hoping to god nobody will notice your lace undies sticking slightly out of stan's pocket. 

"-why are you taking her side?" richie hisses, shoving everyone away. his eyes barely leave yours, his fists clenching down by his sides. 

"because you are in the wrong, richie. you cannot possibly be mad at me for this." you say with a grin. "sorry, you're just overreacting. plus you're not just fucking cecily, now you're actually dating her. which is way more shitty. and clearly they all wanted me, richie. i'm an angel."

bill snorts from where he's standing, "yeah r-rich, you're the one who always says that girls who suck fingers without being told to go to h-heav-"   

richie throws his empty cup towards bill, missing by only an inch as he yells, "can it, denbrough! shut the fuck up!" 

you're bright red from bill's words, looking from him, to richie, and then catching stan's eyes again. you swallow, throat dry. 

"-wait, who was the best?" comes from bev this time. you bite your lip, watching as richie shoves her lightly. you grin, "well, ben was the sweetest, but mike was the most surprising-"  "you better shut the fuck up right now y/n." richie mutters. you shrug, "you talk about cecily all the time to me!" you yell. "plus, i'm not finished. eddie... well, that was the dirtiest." you smirk at him and he grins at the ground, richie moving towards you. you back up swiftly, still talking. "-eddie fucked me in your bed, you know." 

richie shoves you hard, looking the angriest you ever have seen him. everyone else gasps or rushes towards the two of you, but as your back hits the wall near the fireplace you barely wince, laughing. "then there was bev... that was the hottest. you were in the other room." you wink.

bev gives mike knuckles out of the corner of your eye and you almost laugh, watching richie as the others tug him back from you. "y-y/n, stop. we get it, r-richie's gotta calm down." bill says as he holds back richie's seething form. 

you tilt your head, grinning at bill. "what, you don't want richie to know that you have the best dick game?" 

everyone stops, and richie freezes in bills arms. "wh-" bill starts with a cocky smirk, but then richie's wrestling bill to the ground, and your eyes are widening. "richie, knock it off!" bev yells, laughing as richie shoves bill's head and bill just laughs on the ground. 

mike and ben get him off of bill, who's sitting up with a disheveled shirt and smirking. "jesus, richie." stan mutters, still on the couch seemingly unbothered.  

you feel the need to make it worse, just to rub it in. "richie, it's okay. he felt bad at first, fucking me in my bedroom while you were asleep next door-"

"shut up y/n!" richie yells, loud enough that you think the neighbors could have heard. stan laughs from the couch, and richie turns to stare at stan, who's lounging as if nothing's happening, looking entirely amused and unbothered. it’s hot. 

it's quiet for a moment, and it seems like everyone thinks you're done. you mutter, "but stan was the most recent, like ten minutes ago, actually." stan doesn't even really react to your words, he just grins devilishly at richie, dimple popping in his cheek. 

you clench your thighs. 

richie turns to you again. "you're a fucking bitch. you’re so disgusting, it's no wonder you couldn't get any of my friends to want to date you. so you just tried to fuck them all instead. you're embarrassing." richie spits. your eyebrows draw together and you almost quip back but a movement makes you look to your left. stan rises as he states, "richie. shut up." you and richie both look to stan, as do the others. 

"i don't want to hear shit from you, uris. fuck you, i've told you for years to keep your paws off my sister." he spits, and stan tilts his head. 

"she's a grown up, richie. she's not just your sister. if she wants me to go down on her in the backseat of your car, why the hell would i say no?" 

and then richie's swinging at stan, punching him hard in the face.

"richie!"the others call, bill and mike pulling him away and holding him firmly this time, shocked that he really did it. "stan?" you call, moving toward him as he flexes his jaw and holds the side of his face. he stands all the way up and licks his lip, a smear of blood leaking from the fresh split on his lip. richie's shaking his hand, face bright red under his glasses. 

"fuck all of you." richie hisses, turning and shoving eddie and ben out of the way as he grabs his car keys and storms out the front door. 

it's quiet after richie leaves, and everyone decides that he needs cool off time before he comes back or before anyone tries to talk to him. so they then get the message to trail out and head to the basement in groups of two or three until just stan remains. "stan, i'm sorry." you say weakly, offering a hand. he lets you lead him to your bedroom upstairs, silently looking at the ceiling as you re-enter the room with a shitty first aid kit. 

stan is impossible to read as you tear open a wipe to clean around the cut. your hands shake as they rise to his face. "i'm sorry." you whisper, the guilt getting to you.

 you jump a bit as one of his hands lands on the bare skin of the back of your thigh. you meet eyes and stan stares directly at you, "i'd do it again."

you smile shyly, looking down and swiping across his bottom lip to collect the blood. "i never meant for this to happen, i guess. i was just so angry, and i- yeah."

it’s quiet again. 

"when did you and bill fuck?" is all he asks after the silence. you blink at him, thinking. "um... a few weeks ago? when we went to kiera gross's party." 

he hums, his hand still rubbing your bare leg and making you feel weak. his fingertips graze the skin of your ass before moving back down, making you exhale shakily. you feel like you want stan to know that you don't have anything going on with bill - but you're nervous. "i promise, i- god, would you stop fidgeting?" 

your hand grabs his jaw, but he jerks his head away and he tosses you a glare. "i'm fine." he mutters. 

"i don't have to be doing this, i can just go back downstairs." you snap, crossing your arms. 

"yeah, perfect, why don't you go let bill fuck you again?" stan quips. "he was the best, right?" you roll your eyes, shaking your head as you look at his pouty lips. "stan, come on. and tilt your head up." 

it's silent again and stan's staring up above you, avoiding your eyes as you wipe a bit of alcohol over his busted lip. "y'know, i hate to say it, but this is kind of hot." you whisper. 

he stares at you dryly. "you think your brother socking me in the face is hot?" 

you laugh, "no, i think me telling you what to do is. you take directions well." his face blooms light pink at your words and you feel proud. he’s watching you carefully, "really? that's cute coming from you. i seem to remember you begging for me to tell you what to do not even an hour ago." 

you swallow, cheeks going red, but you notice his are too. "maybe you just need to be put in your place, stan." you whisper, leaning forward to capture your lips together. he winces slightly, his busted lip tender against yours, but his hand grips your ass immediately, tugging you towards him. 

you slide onto his lap, straddling him easily. the kiss starts slowly, but quickly heats up when he pulls you down to grind on him, causing you both to let out shaky moans of pleasure. then you gently push his shoulders back, “wanna feel you inside me.” you whisper, noticing his knowing smirk as he lays back, propping himself up on his elbows to watch you. 

you slide back on his lap, undoing his pants and sliding them down his legs. his cock springs up and you bite your lip, hand wrapping around his base. you pump slowly, watching as he bites him lip and tilts his head back. you're filled with desire as you take in his size, desperate to feel him. then you're pressing a kiss to his lips, balancing up on your knees and teasing him against your slit, spreading your wetness. he groans, bucking his hips up but you shush him, kissing him again.

he pulls off your shirt, and you quickly do the same to him, taking in his toned torso. you silently thank whoever made stan so goddamn good at baseball. he groans as you place his hands down and off your body, gently sinking down onto him.

you both let out loud groans, relishing in the feeling of him stretching you out perfectly. his head falls onto the wall behind him as you start to move on top of him, stabling yourself on his chest. “fuck, y/n.” he groans lowly, eyes shut in pleasure. 

he looks so perfect under you and you move yourself quicker, loving how he fills you. one of your hands slips into his hair, pulling and making him groan, his hips stuttering. “stan…” you moan as he places kisses on your neck and chest, moving your hips as you bounce. his teeth nip at your skin, his hands rising to grip your ass, hiking up your skirt. 

leaning forward, you find a new angle and bite your lip to keep from screaming at the feeling. stan's biting his own bruised and split lip, his face flushed and chest heaving. he’s hitting deep inside you and you feel full, moaning as you bounce up and down. you moan into his skin, sucking dark marks up and down to column of his throat, 

you lean to press your hands against his chest, changing the angle again. “fuck.” he mutters and you moan, your legs burning but the pleasure flowing through your body. he all but growls, his head falls against the wall again with a groan of pleasure, his hands raising to your hips and fucking up into you, eyes scrunched. his hips are stuttering and he’s flushed, looking like heaven under you.  "stan," you moan, "you feel so good, fill me up s'good." you whisper, unable to stop yourself as you moan. 

through breaths, he's whispering into your ear. "sorry, who did you say fucked you the best?" he asks as you clench around him. 

"shut up." you whisper into his ear as you bounce on him, your hand rising to his throat.

 his eyes lace shut, screwing with lust as he moans, hands hard on your hips as he fucks you down onto him. you squeeze his throat lightly, feeling him swallow under your palm. your lips meet and he bites down on your lip hard, moaning at the feeling of your hand on his neck. 

"who fucks you this good?" he says, and you can feel his voice vibrate under your palm, his lips in a sexy grin as his eyes flutter shut. "shut up, stan." you say again, "don't make me leave and let you finish yourself off." you whisper in his ear. 

he moans at that as you move your hips, your hand still around his throat. 

his hand rises up your back, palm sliding over your bare skin and then gripping your breasts, starting to thrust up. you moan loudly, forehead falling to his shoulder at the new angle as stan stretches you and hits perfectly deep inside you. your hands fall to his chest, clenching around him as you whimper. 

your legs burn and it's almost like stan can tell, because he's lifting you off him and then swiveling you so that your back falls onto the mattress. he hums, "no, you won't leave." 

you raise your brows as he grabs your legs, pulling you down towards him on the bed. "what makes you think i won’t just get up right now?" you ask. 

but then he's sliding into you, one leg held by his hand and the other behind him. he fills you up and makes your toes curl and your vision cloud in pleasure with one stroke. and then he's thrusting, your whole body bouncing as he pounds into you, hitting your g spot perfectly and making you gasp sharply in pleasure. 

"because," he whispers into the shell of your ear, "nobody can make you cum like i can." 

you let out a shaky breath, the last ounce of dominance gone from your body as he fucks you into the mattress. he slips his thumb into your mouth and you wrap one hand around his forearm, sucking on his thumb and swirling your tongue over the tip of the finger as he stares into your eyes. 

he bites his lip, grinning. "what was it bill said? that girls who suck fingers without having to be told go to heaven?" 

you blush at that as he thrusts into you, and he coos as he slips the finger out of your mouth with a light pop. "yeah, guess he's right. you are my good girl."

and then he's rubbing your clit gently with that thumb, his hips rocking into yours and making your legs shake. you moan loudly, the pleasure making you squeeze your eyes shut. 

he hums, "you'd better be quiet or everyone's going to know who's really your favorite." he whispers cockily against your lips, and your eyes roll back as you moan quietly. 

he smiles at you, other hand smoothing your hair. your eyes fall to the marks from your fingers around his neck, and you get shiver of pleasure knowing the effect you have on him.  "you need me. say it." he whispers against the skin of your chest. 

you let out a strangled, "n-need you, stan... i n-need you." you rush out, feeling dangerously close to your second high of the day. he smiles, kissing you sweetly as he thrusts deeper than before, making you moan into his mouth a low whimper. the aching need is becoming almost unbearable, and you pull him closer to you, clenching around him as you near your high. 

"it’s okay, i need you too, babylove." he whispers into your ear, kissing your hairline as he tugs your leg up more, hitting a different angle. the new sensation pushes you over the edge and you're moaning his name in ecstasy, eyes screwed shut as you pulse around him. you feel euphoric as he rocks you through your orgasm, kissing you softly. 

his name falls from your lips as you hold him tight, your nails leaving small half-moons in his skin. you come down from your high and stan's right behind you, only a few more thrusts until he stills slightly, his breath shake as he props himself above you.

 he pulls out and pumps himself, biting his lip as a bit of blood lingers from the split. you're breathless as he cums in spurts on your stomach, enthralled by the sight of his beauty. "god, y/n." he whispers, the david star charm on his necklace glinting in the light against his bare chest. 

"didn't want to cum inside you." he whispers against your lips, but you pull him closer, "it's okay, i'm on the pill anyways." you whisper. he swallows, sighing in relief as he collapses next to you. "good girl." he whipers breathlessly. you smile into his neck as he pulls you closer to him, your naked limbs warm against each other's bodies. you lay there for a few moments, listening to his rapid heartbeat calm down as he plays with strands of your hair. 

he gets up suddenly, though, and pulls on his own underwear and then pulls your own from his pocket of the pants on the floor. you swallow, watching him as he slowly slides your underwear up your legs slowly. he watches you, too - "did you fake it?" he asks. 

you blink at him. "no, actually." you admit, face red. "never with you." 

he smirks, kissing your bare legs as he makes his way up your thighs. you swallow, heart beating quick. "wh-what are you doing?" you ask. he shrugs, "you look so beautiful when you cum. i want to see it again." 

your throat dries up as you try to swallow to avoid choking at his words, shock coursing through you along with desire. holy fuck. "but your lip-" but he shakes his head, "-don't care." he says, eyes already focusing on your heat. 

"o-okay." you say shakily, "god, please," you add, looking at him as his breath hits you. he watches you as his tongue sticks out, licking a stripe up your pussy before swirling on your stimulated clit, making you gasp in pleasure.

the feeling is sharp and pleasant as he wraps his lips around your clit and sucks lightly, tongue running over your folds. his hands move to hold your thighs as he delves in, your moans quieting as the pleasure increases after already being so overstimulated. 

you're already shaking. his mouth moves on you expertly, his tongue sliding to fuck up into you and making your hips buck, his nose brushing against your clit. you tug on his hair and he groans, sending vibrations through your body that make your toes curl. "stan, f-fuck," you say quietly, whimpering. 

its soft as he looks up at you, his tongue working you so well that within a few minutes, you know you’re already about to cum. your fingers tug his hair hard and then he's reaching to cup your face.

 his thumb presses against your lips and you kiss it softly, making smirk in between your thighs as he kitten licks your clit and draws a gasp from your lips. “stan, oh my god, i’m so close.” you sigh out, overwhelmed by how good you feel, by the pleasure coursing through you and the affection for the boy you’re with.

he just holds you tighter to his face, lapping your juices up and flicking against your clit before sucking, your thighs tightening. “stan, please, i’m gonna-” and but yourself off with a high moan, hand covering your mouth as you hit your high. you cum for the third time on his tongue, your legs shaking as you ride it out, your fingers combing through his curls. you sigh in bliss as you come down from your high, full of affection and need. 

stan rises from between your thighs, pressing a kiss to each before pulling up your lacy underwear and kissing your lips. 

he's wordless as he leaves the room, coming back moments later with a warm washcloth to clean himself off your stomach. you watch him the whole time as he smiles, your handprint fading from his neck. your stomach flutters as you pull on a sweatshirt and press a kiss to his nose. 

but the door opens and shuts from downstairs and you both share a look: now is not the time to test richie. 

stan looks to your window, then back to you, "i'm going to go. it's probably best." 

you pretend not to be disappointed. "y-yeah. makes sense." stan stares at you for a second with a gentle smile before standing and quickly getting dressed the rest of the way. 

you watch silently with an aching heart as he pulls his shirt on, grabbing his shoes and then leaning to kiss you quickly. "hey." he says softly, and you meet his eyes. "i'll... see you soon." 

"okay." you whisper as he slips out your window and down to your roof. 

you don't see stan for almost eight days after that. he doesn't phone the house, the losers don't come by much, stan not at all. richie doesn't speak to you, only in passing and only micro aggressions. it's lonely.

it's almost sunset when the door knocks, and you take your time walking to open it. 

you swing the door open and do a double take as you see the boy standing on your doorstep, hands in his pockets. he looks nervous, but when his eyes catch your figure, his face turns red. 

stanley uris looks devastatingly gorgeous in the dying light of the afternoon. 

"-oh, i thought..." he clears his throat. "i thought richie'd be here." he says, swallowing. you raise your brows, "he's at work right now, actually." you respond, toe drawing circles in the ground. "why did you even try to come and talk to him? he's a nightmare right now, he'd definitely try to beat you up again." you say softly. he chuckles a bit and your heart keels over and surrenders to him. 

stan shrugs, "he's been my best friend since we can remember. it's not as bad as he seems to think, i know we can get through this." 

you nod, heart then deflating as you realize that stan's intending to apologize to richie and beg for him to forgive him - of course friendships are more important than hook-ups, but after last time... and the way stan had stood up for you when richie was being mean... you'd hoped things would be different with him. 

because you think you've loved stan for a long time. 

"anyways, he has to learn to accept that i have feelings for his sister. i'm not going to sacrifice my happiness just because he's acting like a child, or that he's mad that i spend all my time thinking about you." 

your head snaps up to him and your eyes widen, heart soaring at his words. "wh-wait what?" you ask, suddenly shy. "you-" you just smile, not knowing what to say. stan shrugs, as if it's as simple as saying the sky is blue. 

"i think about you all the time, y/n. i like you as more than a friend, more than just a good fuck. i want to be yours, i want you to be mine. always have." 

you smile so big you think your face may split in two. "i think about you too, stan. haven't stopped in a few years. i missed you last week." 

"then can i take you out?" he asks boldly. "promise i'll hold your hand and buy you dinner." 

"he'll kill us." you say, looking into stan's bright honey eyes. they're full of confidence and mischief and you think he's absolutely irresistible. stan's large hand finds purchase on your waist lightly as he smiles, "has that ever really scared you, y/n?" he asks. 

you smile as you take his hand. "of course not." 

he kisses your forehead as you step towards him, his arm pulling you closer and releasing hordes of butterflies in your stomach. "think we should go visit him at work? order a shake with one straw and make out in the corner booth?" stan asks, the light catching the purple and yellow skin of his fading bruise.

you laugh as you walk towards his car, shoving him a bit. "you're an asshole." you say, butterflies rampant. his laugh makes you warm and he leans towards you. "you can say that all you want, but i know you've had a crush on me since we were kids." he teases. 

you roll your eyes. "you're really testing me, uris." 

"it's okay, tozier. i think you're beautiful even when you're mad." he says, pecking you on your nose. "well you better get used to it, i guess." you mutter, and he chuckles a bit as he kisses your forehead. 

"i will never get tired of you, no matter what you do or what your brother thinks." 

tag list: 

@gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier @sft-core @clownsloveyou @moon-shine-baby @daughter-of-the-stars11 @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @kait16xo @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @cowbellies @deepestofwaters @psykronium-cube @ruefulposts @letmereid @topper-mostofthepopper-most

© all content belongs to soulwillower 2020. do not modify, repost, or redistribute

[rhysismydaddy]

can you write a canon rowaelin oneshot where aelin’s pregnant and it’s nighttime so while she’s sleeping, rowan talks to the baby through her stomach and sings a lullaby? and maybe add a scene where aelin’s water breaks and rowan freaks out or something?

It was about two minutes before Aelin’s favorite part of the day.

She could hardly wait, but she had to remember to stay calm and still and everything else someone who was asleep would be. 

Luckily, she knew she didn’t snore, so all she had to do was stay quiet and keep her eyes shut.

A small task that became so much harder when--two minutes later, at exactly 10:30 like always--she felt her husband slip into bed next to her. 

It’d been getting harder and harder to actually stay awake this late as her pregnancy developed, but she still found herself fighting the fall of her eyelids every night, despite knowing she should sleep.

Cool air kissed her skin briefly as he settled next to her and kissed her cheek. Like she’d done even before getting pregnant, she turned on her side so he could snuggle her from behind and wrap his arms around her.

This was home to her, here in his arms. 

Rowan’s head tucked into her neck, and she sighed sleepily, something she didn’t even have to fake.

After a few moments, her husband’s hands began to rub over her stomach lightly. 

She was wearing one of his t-shirts, one that barely fit over her anymore, and hadn’t bothered to wash her hair that day, but she’d never felt more beautiful than when he smiled against her neck and started to talk to the child they’d created together.

He silently slipped further down the bed, resting his head on the curve of her hip, but kept himself wrapped around her so she could continue stealing his warmth.

Aelin’s ears strained to hear as he started whispering, but she resisted the temptation to move closer, knowing it would give her away.

“Mommy’s sleeping right now, so we have to be quiet,” he murmured, big hands cradling her even bigger belly. “But soon, we’ll be able to do this in person. You’ll be here by the end of the week, from what they tell us.”

Tears burned in her eyes at the excitement in his voice as he said, “I can’t wait to meet you, Firefly.”

They’d found out they were having a girl two weeks ago, and he’d been ridiculous ever since, buying pink onesies, hanging matching twinkly lights in the nursery, reading a how-to book about raising girls.

But the one thing they hadn’t prepared for was what they were going to name her. They’d argued about it, and then one day he just started referring to their unborn child as Firefly. 

It was a nickname that stemmed from him calling her Fireheart, and it made her almost cry every time he said it. 

“Your mother’s the most important woman in my life, but you... you’re my baby girl.” She could hear his smile. “You’re going to be just like her. You’ll be strong, and beautiful, and will drive me absolutely crazy.”

Silent tears escaped, even as she remained perfectly still. 

“But I can’t wait to see what traits of mine you have, too.” He pressed his lips to her stomach in a feather-light kiss, then whispered, “I love you so much, little Firefly. Now go to sleep.”

Rowan resumed his big-spoon position and pulled her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her to cradle both her and their child. 

“That goes for you, too, Fireheart.”

Aelin grinned and snuggled further into him, murmuring, “I love you, Ro.”

He kissed her cheek. “I love you, too.”

~

“Are you serious?” 

She nodded. 

“You want lemon gelato for lunch?”

Rowan’s brow furrowed, prompting her to ask, “Why not?”

He looked at her like she had two heads. “You hate lemon, babe.”

Aelin groaned, rubbing a hand over her stomach. She’d forgotten about that. “Take it up with her. She’s the one demanding it. Little brat.”

He scowled. “She isn’t a brat. And she can have as much lemon gelato as she wants just as soon as she’s born.”

Her stomach reminded her once again how empty it was.

“Rowan, I swear I’m going to stab you if you don’t go get me something to eat.”

Her husband just smiled. “It’s moments like these when I’m reminded why I agreed to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“A very short life, if you don’t-”

A container of gelato landed on the counter in front of her, along with a spoon. 

With narrowed eyes, she checked the label, then demanded, “How did you know?”

He laughed. “You talk in your sleep.”

“Eavesdropper,” she mumbled, ripping into the container and taking a huge mouthful. 

See, this is why pregnancy was strange to Aelin. Nine months ago she’d hated lemon, and now this stupid container of gelato was the best thing she’d ever eaten.

“I love you,” she said around a mouthful, grinning when he came to press a kiss to her cheek. 

“And now she’s sweet,” he teased, brushing her hair off her forehead. 

Then he went tense, and every bone in his body seemed to still as he said seriously, “Aelin. Look down.”

“I can’t see past my belly, dummy. Just pick up whatever I dropped.”

His mouth opened and closed for a few seconds before he spit out, “You... your water broke.”

She leaned over slightly to look at the floor, seeing that there was in fact a wet spot beneath her. “Huh.”

She took another bite of gelato.

“Huh?” he asked incredulously, leaving the kitchen and starting to run around the house. He threw things in the bag he’d affectionately deemed The Baby Bag, yelling at her to get ready.

She rolled her eyes and continued eating, only pausing when Rowan burst into the room and demanded breathlessly, “What are you doing?”

“Eating. Can you hand me the pizza from last night?”

Because who was she to question her daughter’s cravings?

“Aelin, we have to go! You’re in labor.”

Reaching the bottom of the container, she sighed. Why did they make pints so small these days? “I’m aware.”

“So then get in the car!”

Her always calm and collected husband looked about ten seconds away from ripping his own hair out, which made her smile. “Labor lasts hours, Rowan. I assure you, I have time to eat a slice of pizza.”

“I’ll order you a whole, brand new, hot pizza at the hospital.”

She considered this, tapping her chin. “Fine.”

Then she turned and waddled down the hallway to their room.

“Wait!” he called out, coming after her. “What are you doing? The door is the other way.”

“I’m not going to the hospital in a wet dress, Rowan. It’s called standards.” Ignoring his angry little growl, she changed into a clean dress. “Zip me up, please.”

He zipped the dress in a flash, almost ripping it, then grabbed her hand and started pulling her towards the door. 

“Wait, I need shoes!”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, green eyes bright with panic. “Babies don’t care if you wear shoes when you birth them.”

“If you think I’m walking across a hospital floor with no shoes on... grab those, will you?” She pointed to a pair of sandals, not feeling like bending down to get them herself. 

Rowan roughly put her feet in them, making her frown. “I’m not really appreciating this attitude, you know. You don’t need to manhandle me.”

His jaw was tight from where he was grinding it, but he still sounded perfectly civil as he said back, “I just want to get to the hospital.”

Aelin sighed, patting his shoulder. “It’s been five minutes. We have time.”

He looked a little relieved... until she said casually, “Plus, worst comes to worst, you deliver her in the tub. All doctors really do is stand there and catch the kid.”

His mouth fell open, and the attitude came swooping back in. “I am not birthing this child in our bathtub, woman. Now, you can walk to the car yourself, or I will carry you, but either way we are leaving right the fuck now.”

Rolling her eyes, she turned and slowly made her way to the door, pausing when she came back into the kitchen. “You know, cold pizza actually sounds better-”

Rowan swooped her up, the ten pound bowling ball in her stomach seeming to be no issue, and walked toward the front door. 

“Rowan! Put me down, you buzzard!”

He set her in the passenger seat, gripped her chin, and set a serious kiss to her lips. “You’re so sweet.”

Her hands fisted in the hem of her dress. “I don’t want to go yet.”

“You’re going.”

“No!” she exploded, pushing him away and trying to get out of the car. “No, no, no. I can’t go yet, I need more time, I-”

Understanding dawned in his eyes, and he slipped a hand over her mouth to shut her up. “You can do this, Fireheart.”

She was crying, although she wasn’t sure when that had even started. 

She shook her head.

“You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met. You can do this. You’re going to be a great mom. I may be freaking out about actually getting to the hospital, but I’m not scared about what follows.”

Aelin gave him disbelieving eyes.

"If I wasn’t sure, one hundred percent positive, that you could do this, then yeah, I’d be scared. But you’re going to do great. I know that, and so do you.”

He took his hand off her mouth, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Sweetheart, you’re great at everything. This won’t be any different.”

That made her smile, even as she rolled her eyes. 

“I am pretty amazing,” she agreed softly.

“Yes, you are. But I’d really like to do this in a hospital room instead of our driveway, and you’re probably half-way dilated by now, so-”

It was Aelin’s turn to cover his mouth with her hand. “Let’s go meet Firefly.”

She didn’t even know the name of her child or how the hell they were going to pull this off, but under the steady weight of his gaze, Aelin knew that no matter what, they’d figure it out together.

~

[kumqu4t]

birthday with the company headcanons!

☆ a birthday gift to two wonderful people, @trxblemaker and @rowandor whose birthdays are on the 13th and 14th respectively!

☆ (platonic!company/reader)

☆ takes place after BOTFA, everybody lived!!

☆ kind of angsty at the beginning but dON’T WORRY THERE IS MUCH COMFORT AND FLUFF TO MAKE UP FOR IT!!!!

☆ target audience- teen reader

☆ (y/bday)= your birthday

☆ (y/n/a)= your new age

you were slowly but surely getting settled into erebor, your new home

shortly after the battle, you found yourself adopted by EVERY MEMBER OF THE COMPANY

you now wore braids with handmade beads in your hair, one for each family

you lived in erebor, obviously

and all the other families, lived in rooms in the same hallway

you spent most of your time exploring

and the company weren’t the only ones you spent time with

dís had taken a liking to you quite fast, proving to be a much appreciated maternal figure in your life

tauriel was like a sister to you. someone you could prank kíli with, but also go to for advice and a listening ear

so basically you never had to worry about being lonely

things had been pretty quiet and uneventful for awhile

until, on one ordinary day, you made the mistake of bringing up your birthday

you were walking aimlessly around erebor, simply exploring and enjoying the view

when kíli bounded up to you, a smile lighting up his face

“company supper coming up! you will be in attendance, right (y/n)?”

“it’ll be great fun,” he continued. “we’re planning to head to the library after and tell stories while enjoying a few drinks.”

“no drinks for you though, little sister,” he added as an afterthought, ruffling your hair playfully

kíli now looked at you expectantly, waiting for your response

“oh that sounds great,” you answered after a pause. “what day is it planned for?”

“(y/bday) at 6:00!” kíli answered

you responded without thinking

“oh that’s my birthday! i’ll be turning (y/n/a). huh! with the quest and the battle and everything it must have slipped my mind! anyways, of course i’ll be coming, i can’t wait!”

you looked at kíli to see him frozen in place, a pained expression on his face

“kíli?”

you waved a hand in front of his face “earth to kíli?”

he jerked to life, flashing you a quick smile that looked more like a grimace

“terribly sorry (y/n), but i must be off! i think i heard uncle calling!”

you stared after him for a few more minutes, feeling confused

you definitely did not hear thorin calling

well that was weird

brushing it off, attributing it to kíli just being kíli, you went about the rest of your day as usual

oddly, you didn’t see much of the company that day, or in the rest of the days following

you didn’t see bilbo, dís, or tauriel either

and you usually spent time with at least one member a day

but now they were nowhere in sight

and if you did see them, they would make an excuse and quickly dash away

so by the end of the week you were feeling a little down

you didn’t know what you had done wrong

and you missed spending time with your family

you wondered if maybe dwarves didn’t celebrate birthdays? but even so, they had never avoided you like this before

some unfortunate thoughts came to you

‘maybe now that the quest is over and i can’t be of service in any way, they don’t care about me anymore? maybe i don’t fit in here in erebor?’

your sadness soon mingled with anger, and your anxiety remained

creating an uncomfortable knot in your stomach and a lump in your throat

what did you do to deserve this? they could at least tell you why

you had saved their sorry butts so many times

and when you saw them again, you planned to kick their sorry butts all the way to next tuesday for avoiding you

the day of the company supper (and your birthday) finally came

and despite your anger and confusion, you still decided to go

for multiple reasons

mostly because you wanted to confront them and ask why you had been ignored all week

and you also heard that bombur was making his famous apple tart with raspberry jam

evening came sooner than you realized

you saw that the clock read 5:45 and readied yourself as fast as possible

you quickly dressed yourself in your favorite outfit, pulled a cardigan over it, and ran a brush through your hair

you rushed down the long halls of erebor, keeping your pace quick

you finally turned the corner and came face to face with what had been dubbed as the “company room,” for all the time they spent in it

you felt your hand shake slightly as you grasped the cool metal handle

slowly, you opened the door, preparing to be met with the high, stone walls and rich velvet furniture

but you opened the door to find... nothing?

you squinted your eyes, trying to see into the pitch black room

“hello,” you called out. “thorin? fíli? kíli? is anyone here?”

all of a sudden, the candles and lanterns were lit, and people jumped out from behind furniture and under tables

“SURPRISE,” they yelled. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY (Y/N)!”

you didn’t say anything for a few seconds

you could only stare, dumbfounded, at the people in front of you

everyone was there. the whole company, including bilbo, dís, and tauriel

“w-what?” you tentatively asked. “what is going on?”

kíli piped up, a large smile on his face

“it’s your birthday party!! don’t you like it? we’ve spent all week planning it!”

you took quite a few seconds to look around the room

it was decorated with streamers made of beautiful fabric, and banners hung from the walls

a large pile of wrapped gifts lay in the corner

and in the center of the room was a huge table with a feast fit for a king

as the clocks on the wall continued to tick, you heard dís mutter “kíli if you got the date wrong i swear to mahal...”

you spoke up, “no, no. he’s right. it is my birthday. but... i don’t understand. you guys did all of this... for me?”

bilbo stepped forward, thumbing his suspenders, “why of course! it’s your birthday! we wouldn’t miss a chance to properly celebrate our girl’s birthday.”

“so you guys weren’t avoiding me all week because you think i don’t belong in erebor?” you asked

the room exploded with yells of anger, confusion, and outrage

“why in durin’s name would you think that?” thorin asked after the chaos died down, furrowing his brows in confusion.

“well you guys were avoiding me all week. i didn’t know what to think.”

dori hurried over to you, draping a blanket around your shoulders and steering you towards the couch.

“yes dear, come this way, and we will explain everything. don’t you worry, sweetling,” he soothed.

everyone gathered to find seats around you

kíli shifted uncomfortably on his feet and bit his lip. “i’m so sorry (y/n)! when i found out your birthday was coming up, i felt terrible that we didn’t know sooner, so i hurried to collect everyone and devise a plan.”

ori interjected, a worried frown on his face, “we were all so excited to plan your party, we must have forgotten to keep you distracted.”

“we meant no harm by it,” fíli added.

“aye,” said thorin. “and about that complete and utter nonsense you were spouting earlier: you belong in erebor just as much as any dwarf here. you are our family. and we wanted to celebrate you today.”

of course, you burst into tears

*cue panicked company*

“oh mahal, what did we do now?”

“i bet thorin said something wrong” “shut up dwalin”

“oh no lass, please don’t cry!”

through your sobs, you somehow found your way over to thorin, seeking cuddles

he scooped you up and sat you gently in his lap

you buried your face in his chest, clutching at his tunic with your hands, allowing his scent of smoke and pine trees to wash over you

his large hand rubbed soothing circles on your back as he mumbled assurances

bilbo held and stroked your hand gently

and you felt others reaching out with their own soothing touches

you eventually found yourself at the center of a huge group hug, not that you minded at all

group hugs did seem to be inevitable in this family

through tears, you explained that you were relieved, and so very thankful for the party

you apologized for jumping to conclusions and overreacting, but everyone insisted you had nothing to apologize for

after you eventually calmed down enough, bofur spoke up

“well i think you’ve done enough cryin’ this evenin,’ now haven’t ye’ lass? it is your birthday after all. i say we start the party!”

everyone agreed

as you all found seats at the table, you allowed yourself a moment to admire the spread

bombur had truly outdone himself this time

the table was full of food of all sorts. salted pork, mince pies, all kinds of cheeses, potatoes, biscuits, sausages, meats, and stews.

oh and don’t forget the ale- and lots of it!

you sat and ate until your stomach could handle no more

all the while listening to and telling stories, and laughing as bilbo reprimanded the dwarves’ bad manners

then came dessert

the company insisted to do by “your people’s traditions” and sing you happy birthday.

they were completely off key and didn’t know the tune at all

but it was perfect. it was more than perfect.

you dug into a few small slices of your favorite flavor of cake

fili may or may not have smashed kili’s face into his cake, leading to a wrestling match that had to be broken up by dwalin

after cake, came presents

once you saw all of the boxes, you protested vehemently, insisting you didn’t need all of this

which led into many more speeches preaching that you deserve all of this and more

so with a light blush staining your cheeks, you opened the gifts one by one

they were perfect

- forged by thorin: a sword with various gems emblazoned on the hilt (“so you can properly threaten any suitors you find yourself approached by in the coming months”)

- from bilbo: a handmade handkerchief embroidered with your initials and your favorite flowers (“well this would have come in handy earlier, now wouldn’t it?”)

- from fíli: one of his lucky knives (“see here, you can strap it on your thigh for easy access”)

- from kíli: a poorly knitted bear with one eye sewed on haphazardly (he made it himself, and he tried his best) because you had mentioned missing your stuffed animals before

- from tauriel: miruvor that she acquired from rivendell (for emergency’s- just in case)

- from dís: a quilt with the lonely mountain embroidered on it (“to keep you warm and remind you of home”)

- from balin: a collection of classic dwarven stories in a thick, leather-bound book

- from dwalin: a fluffy fur coat and a pair of gloves (“a wee lass like you will freeze in these winters without proper protection”)

- from ori: a beautiful portrait of yourself

- from nori: hair pins that also function as lock picks (“s’no harm in being careful”)

- from dori: your favorite tea (“a warm cup of tea is both the perfect way to start the day and the perfect way to end the day”)

- from bifur: a beautiful bouquet of flowers, hand picked and arranged by him

- from bofur: an intricate wooden carving of your favorite animal

- from bombur: a bountiful basket of honey cakes, carefully wrapped for future snacking

- from oin: fancy haircare and skincare supplies

- and from gloin: a necklace with a beautiful stone pendant

it was entirely too much, but, as you have come to learn, your family doesn’t do simple

especially when it comes to you

you thanked everyone many times, not knowing how to fully express your gratitude

the night, as kili had promised, followed with many stories and much laughter

and lots of ale

you tried to sneak a sip of thorin’s

AS A JOKE

a joke that he did not find very amusing

you spent the rest of the evening listening to tales of old, your head drooping to rest on tauriel’s shoulder

you recall the night getting darker, the fire slowly burning out, and the laughter becoming quieter

the gentle pressure of a coat being placed on you

and strong arms wrapped around your small frame, pulling you to a warm chest

helping you easily drift off into a peaceful sleep

you woke up in the early morning next day, before the sun had even risen

apparently everyone had become so tired and it was so late that they decided to just sleep in the “company room” for the night

no one had any sense of personal space while they slept not that you minded

you felt arms wrapped around you and draped over your stomach, hands brushing yours, feet propped up on you, and more

all were asleep, save yourself

you sat up slowly, careful not to disturb the others, and took a look around

to soak it all in

to enjoy the moment

snoring dwarves

a hobbit, curled up in a cocoon of blankets

an elf, hugging a pillow close to her chest as she slept

and you, right in the middle of it all

you gave a small smile as you eased yourself back onto the couch

this was peace

this was contentment

this was home

[runwithwolvcs]

You Know I'm No Good - ten

you matter to me

Warnings: Drinking/drug use, Arguing, implying sexua! assau!t/tendencies

Authors Note: I have not added a tags list due to the trigger warnings, it will be back in the next update.

there are two types of tired i suppose

the one in need of dire sleep;

the other is a dire need of peace

Tallulah tried her best to fly under her family's radar leading up to Friday and she had her plan all set for her to go out to Port Angeles and still be home in time for her curfew. She had spending whatever time she wasn’t in school with Paul, helping him with little things around Uley's Bookstore, whether that be painting structures or filling shelves with books, Tallulah made sure on Thursday to tell him she would be hanging out with August and Rory on Friday so that if her dad asked him where she was he would be unknowingly involved in her lie.

After school on Friday, Tallulah quickly changed out of her school clothes into a striped, oversized crew neck and navy blue tennis skirt. Throwing her hair into a slicked back ponytail before rushing down the stairs, telling her dad she was off to see her friends, which wasn’t a lie, she just didn’t specify which ones.

Tallulah was practically shaking with excitement as she pulled out of her driveway, whether it be because she was excited to see her friends for the first time in 2 weeks or because she knew she wasn’t supposed to be seeing them, she was unsure of.

The drive to Port Angeles, Tally spent feeling unnerved. All the confidence had left her mind as she exited Forks. Something felt wrong. It’s not like she’s never snuck out and lied about her whereabouts before, the feeling felt different from the adrenaline that usually accompanied her. Out of the corner of her high she could see her phone light up, the incessant dinging of incoming text messages. She ignored them, telling herself it's because she knew better than to text and drive but mostly because she wasn’t prepared to read them. Had her plan already been ruined? Her phone ringing shook her from her thoughts, she grabbed it and checked the caller ID: Paul Lahote, its bright white letters. She wanted to let it ring, to just ignore him, but she couldn’t. Answering the phone and putting on her speakerphone, setting it on the passenger seat, she said as calmly as possible, “Hey, whats up?”, only to be met with an anger, “Where are you?”.

Tallulah was caught off guard by his tone of voice, she would have never expected it from him in the slightest.

“I’m just driving to August’s” she lied, she could hear someone telling Paul to calm down on the other end, with an angry laugh, he asked, “Oh yeah? Since when does she live off the rez?” before she could even respond, he continued, “Where are you really?”

“Why does it matter to you where I am?” she bit back, “Why does it matter?” he repeated her question, “Because you matter to me, Tallulah!” he all but yelled into the phone before the sound of the phone being dropped rang out into her silent car. She could hear the background commotion, but nothing was coherent to her as she was still trying to process what he had said.

“Tallulah?” a feminine voice rang through, “It’s Emily. Where are you, sweetie?” she asked calmly despite the audible commotion that had just occurred on her end of the phone. She wanted to lie again. It’s what she really wanted, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. “Port Angeles,” Tallulah said quickly before reaching over and hitting the end call before Emily could ask any more questions knowing she wouldn’t be able to lie anymore.

Pulling into the parking lot of the club they were all meeting at, she could see her friends standing next to Xanders sleek black car that he had been gifted on his 16th birthday. She thought she would feel more excitement when seeing Lina, Kit and Xander for the first time in weeks but all she could feel was the ache in her chest, or maybe it was regret. Parking her car, Tallulah quickly got out, grabbing her bag and shoving her phone in it, the onslaught of text messages she had received remaining unread.

She could hear Linas squeals of excitement before both her feet had touched the ground and two pairs of arms wrapped her up in a group hug, “I’ve missed you guys so much” she said as Kit and Lina let her free, big grins on all three girls faces.

“What about me?” a deep voice teased, she looked over to see Xander leaning against his car, smirking at her.

“Of course I missed you, just not as much as them.” she joked, making her way over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug before kissing his cheek as she let him go. “You’re a lot harder to replace than I thought you would be.”Tallulah said, earning her a scoff from him, “You would never want to replace me.” Xander spoke in all seriousness, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Everything was just like she left it, and she loved that. The group of friends got into the building no problem, the perks of looking older than you are, Tallulah thought to herself.

Lina and Kit went to get drinks for everyone while Xander and Tallulah found an empty booth, his arm never leaving her shoulders. They sat beside each other in the booth and she looked up towards him as he said, “I have something for you.”

She furrowed her brows, she could barely remember the last time he had given her something that wasn’t a holiday or a birthday, “You did?” she asked to which he nodded his head, digging into his jeans pocket, he pulled out a slick, thin grey rectangle. “Li said you dad tossed yours. Hide it better this time, yeah.” tallulah nodded her head in agreement before taking it from his hand, but if she was being honest with herself, she didn’t feel the need to have one anymore. She had no cravings for it, and no stressors that made her even want to use it, it would just end up collecting dust somewhere in her room until she could find an excuse to use it.

“I missed you too, y’know.” he said with a toothy grin, “Nothings been the same without you.” Tallulah smiled at that,glad to know her friends weren’t doing better than she was with the sudden change.

Lina and Kit found their table, four drinks with them, placing one in front of Xander and one in front of Tallulah, “In celebration of the crew being back together,”Lina said with a big smile on her face. Tallulah knew she shouldn’t drink considering she was driving but sipping the crisp alcohol would at least keep her friends off her case, so that's what she did for the next thirty minutes as they all caught up.

Before she knew it, Kit was pulling out onto the dance floor to dance with her and anyone else they could find. The music was loud and the adrenaline was pumping. She felt hands on her waist as someone came up behind her, her hips swaying with the music, she turned her body towards the person holding her firmly, turning to see Xander, she smiled brightly wrapping her arms around his neck, he bent his head down and said in to her ear, over the loud music, “You should come back with us tonight, you can crash at my place.”

Tallulah shook her head, “My dad would literally kill me, Xan.” he laughed nonchalantly, and she became very aware of how close their bodies were, “It’ll be fine, Luie, live a little. I really want you to.” he wanted her to, she thought to herself, looking up at him. He never tells her what he wants, he just does it. “I can't,” she said while standing on her tippy toes to say it into his ear, before she could flatten her feet he had turned his head and pressed his lips to hers, in a rushed, sloppy kiss. Much like the ones they had shared many times before. He pulled away first, “Xan, that's not gonna change my mind.”

He pouted like a little kid about to throw a tantrum, “But I’ve missed you so much and we don’t even know when we will be able to see each other again” he rationed to her, and Tallulah just shook her head, it’s not that she didn’t want to, it's just that this is how they always were together. One minute all over each other they next not speaking, “I haven’t even heard from you in the past two weeks besides that one phone call”

Xander rolled his eyes at her statement, “I can’t spend every waking moment talking to you, Luie, just relax,” he said. Before she could even respond his lips were on hers again, but all she could think about was how cold he felt. Not abnormally cold, just cold. It was uncomfortable.

Pulling back, she said, “We should go find the others,” to which Xander shook his head, “Come on, I haven’t seen you for weeks,” his hands were firm on her arms holding her in place as he leaned in again. Turning her head, his lips connected with her cheek. Now he was pulling back, taking a deep breath, trying not to lose his cool with her, “Really, Luie, you’re doing this again?”

“Doing what again? Is it such a crime that I don’t want to makeout with you in some dinghy club?” she asked him, annoyance laced in her tone. He shook his head, his shaggy hair falling in front of his face, “You always do this!” he exclaimed, “You can’t just act the way you have been all night, and then turn around and say never mind.”

Tallulah looked at him like he was out of his mind, “Yes, I can, Xan. And I am.” she said, standing her ground with him. “But Luie,” That fucking nickname, she thought to herself, “We don’t know when the next time we will see eachother is,” He used the same excuse as before. His hand was now on her lower back, holding her flush against him, “Stop, Xan.'' She tried to push him away, but with the awkward angle of her arms she found it hard. “You’ve always liked this, Luie,”he whispered in her ear, his lips brushed up against it as he spoke, “Get off!” she shoved at him, and before she knew it, he was being yanked away from her. Taking a few steps back to steady herself, she didn’t recognize the boy who had pulled Xander and as he took a step towards her, asking her if she was okay, she took a step back. Blood was pounding in her ears, lookin at Xanders retreating figure, no doubt going to find Lina.

A hand rested on her shoulder, the comforting warmth of it gave away who it was before she had even turned to look at him. Paul. Once she had turned to him she wrapped her arms around his waist, wanting nothing more than to feel the safety of the heat emitting off him. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.” She spoke quickly, and shakily. His arms encircled her, one on her back, the other in her hair, holding her head to his chest, holding her to him, “It’s okay. You’re okay.” he murmured to her softly.

“Embry, you take my car. I’ll drive her home.” Tallulah heard Paul saying, not lifting her head away from his chest. Embry. That must’ve been the boy's name who had pulled Xander away from her. She twisted her head and gave him a grateful smile as Paul gave him his keys before looking up at Paul, who was looking down at her. She could see the worry lines near his eyes and wanted nothing more than to smooth them out with the pads of her fingers. “Alright, let’s go.” his tone was serious, and she knew he was mad at her but trying really hard not to let it show given the circumstances.

“I need to tell my friends.” she spoke to him as if she was walking on thin ice, which she was.

“That guy-” Tallulah cut him off before he could finish what he was saying, “Not him, Lina and Kit..” she reassured as she let go of him, but he held onto her hand tightly, not wanting her to get lost in the sea of people.

It wasn’t hard to find Lina, who was subsequently also looking for Tallulah, “Hey! What happened with Xan, he stormed…” Lina trailed off, one look at Tallulah's face and she didn't need to put into words what had happened. She has seen this look on her best friend before. Like she’s just woken up from a terrible nightmare.“I’m going to head home, Li.” Tally spoke softly, she watched as Lina looked Paul up and down, trying to decide if Tal should go with him, “He’s cool, I promise.” she said while letting go of Paul's hand to wrap her best friend in a hug, “Call me when you get back to Seattle.” she said, before allowing Paul to lead her out of the dark club. She held onto his hand tightly, only letting go once they had reached her car, handing him the keys they both got in silently.

Tallulah only spoke up once they had left the parking lot and were heading towards the highway back to LaPush, “How did you know where to find me?” she asked softly, pulling her sleeves down over the palms of her hands.

“It’s a long story,” he said stoically. Tally furrowed her brows at his response, not satisfied with it at all, “We’ve got time.” she said looking at him, watching his face as he focused on the road.

“Well for one, there's only a few clubs in Port Angeles that allow minors to waltz through their doors.” he said angrily, but it didn’t feel like it was directed at her. “Please, don’t do this again, Tal.” he said looking directly at her, causing her to look away.

“I just wanted to see my friends.” she mumbled, looking down at her lap.

“You could’ve gotten hurt and no one would’ve known where you were because you told everyone you were somewhere that you weren’t.”he said, she could tell he was trying to keep his volume in check. To not yell at her like he had earlier in the evening.

“I was fine..” she pressed, which in her head, she was fine.

“Fine? You were fine?” he laughed. He really laughed, “That kid could've hurt you if Embry hadn’t gotten to you.”

Tallulah shook her head, tears pricking at her eyes. She didn’t want to cry, only children cry and she was not a child. “Xander wouldn’t have. I would’ve handled it, I always handle it.” she stressed, chewing the inside of her cheek as if it would keep her tears at bay.

It was obvious Paul was out of his depth here, so he let go of the steering wheel with his right hand, placing it in her lap. Letting her make the decision if she wanted to hold it or not, and she did. He had two small hands on either side of his large one, fingers clasped between. “You matter to me too, you know.” she said quietly, his voice from earlier in the evening replaying over in her head as it did all night long. He squeezed her hand as a response, letting the soft music from the radio takeover the silence between them.