#(if someone I tagged wants me to untag them pls let me know!!)

[dangerousdan-dan]

hi I was wondering if you have any DC blog recommendations? I'm trying to add more DC to my dash and I figured it was just easier to ask if you have any favorites instead of going through every single blog you reblog from?

Hi! Of course :)

I'll keep it short and only add the mutuals whom I interact with the most (I have more in mind, but I'm not sure how comfortable they are with being tagged here), but if you feel like it, you can send me a private message, and I'll recommend you more blogs (not necessarily mutuals of mine)!

@cephalog0d (they write the most amazing drabbles)

@zukoisblorbo and @xetlretl (awesome artists <3)

@bi4bi-wallinda, @daigah, @opposite-of-aster, @aingeal98, @mooblum @adalineozie (we don't talk that much, but I'm always happy to see them here)

[clockworkgraystairs]

Jurdan smut "Mine.Say it again".Congratulations Tess!

Thank you so much hun! 💛

-------------------------------------------------------->

Set in twk, some point after the events in chapter 15:

“If you keep grithing your teeth like that, you will break them.”

I turn to my right to find The Bomb staring knowingly at me. I hadn’t even realized I was doing that. 

“It’s nothing.” I answer.  

She nods and walks away. Sometimes I wonder if she forgets humans can lie, or if she didn’t insist as an act of kindness. Either way, it’s not like I’m willing to tell her how much I loathe the way Nicasia is dragging her nail down Cardan’s throat. He smirks and leans to whisper something to her ear. Then they are gone.

I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I know I told him to do this. To charm Nicasia, to make her spill her secrets and Orlagh’s plans. It’s not in my position to feel this anger for someone that is nothing to me. I am his seneschal. His advisor. The one behind the King’s orders. My place is where I am now, in the shadows. Watching the kingdom and plotting against potential enemies. 

Not in his bed. Not under his body… not-

I bite my lip to stop my trail of thoughts. This is not an effective use of my time. If the High King is gone from his revel, then I have nothing else to do here. 

I decide to take a bath, hoping it helps my boiling emotions. Bubbles and steam are my only companions for a while. My muscles loosen and everything is calm.

Until I get out of the bathroom and I find him there. Lying down on my bed. Waiting. 

I freeze, holding tighter the towel around me.

“Cardan.” 

His eyes wander down my body and back up before answering. “You left early.”

I scowl, how dare he. 

“I’m surprised you noticed.” I sneer. I tear my gaze from him and walk to the chair where I forgot my robe. “I thought you were busy.”

The bed creaks and before I turn back I feel his body flush against my back. 

“Are you jealous?” He whispers to my ear, running his knuckles up and down my arm.

Before I completely turn, ready to slap him, his lips crash against mine. I sigh, opening to him. Cardan grabs my waist and walks me back until I’m pressed against the wall. The coldness bites my skin, making me hiss. The towel pools around my feet as I bury my hands in his hair, pulling him closer to me. If such a thing is even possible. A low sound leaves his throat and I feel his hands roaming my body. While his lips desperately devour mine, he caresses me almost with adoration. 

This is so wrong. 

My body arches against him as his wicked fingers slide down my wetness. The type that has nothing to do with the bath I just had. His mouth captures the moan that escapes me when he finds my entrance. 

He does not go slow. But I don’t want him to. 

In a matter of seconds I’m panting at the delicious way his fingers curl inside me. I tilt my hips to him. Don’t stop. 

“Why are you jealous?” He grunts, speeding his pace. My eyes roll back at the new wave of pleasure that creeps up my body. How on earth does he want me to answer when I’m barely able to form words at all?

My voice quivers as I say. “You’re not hers.” 

I hate how Nicasia acts as if she owned Cardan. How she thinks he’s obliged to her in order to avoid a war. She’s not allowed in her bed, and even when I am… I still hate that he has just returned from her arms. 

I feel him smile against my neck, and leans back in order to look directly into my eyes. “Oh? Then tell me, my torment. Whose am I?” 

His gaze burns but I don’t evade it. I hear the now familiar noise of his breeches being unbuttoned. Cardan’s thumb finds my clit, rubbing hard enough to make me cry out. “Say it.” He repeats.

“Mine.”

He growls and lifts my leg, curling it around his waist. I feel his painfully hard member against my core. He leans to take my lower lip between his teeth. “Say it again.” 

In a swift move he enters me, making us both gasp. Once he fills me completely he stills. I squirm seeking some friction but he grabs my hips hard. 

“Jude,” He whines against my lips. His tone is almost pleading. “Say it again.” 

I sigh in defeat, giving up completely to him.

“You’re mine.”

Celebrate 1k with me!  🌻  Masterlist

tags: @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 @sweetlyvillainous @aesthetics-11 @thesirenwashere @jurdanhell @nightbringer @b00kworm @mysweetvillain @thefolkofthefic @yafandomsdotnet @vanessa172003 @booksandothersecrets @ireallyshouldsleeprn @fuzzypinneaples @acourtofbookworms @theoceanfaewriter @starborn-faerie-queen @alittledribbledrabble 

(if you wish to be tagged/untagged, or if I forgot to tag you pls let me know!)

[theharellan]

rules & stuff

General

Thank you for coming to my rules page! I'd appreciate it if you could read over these to prevent future misunderstandings.

This is a Solas roleplay blog. Solas is a character from the latest Dragon Age game, Dragon Age: Inquisition. He plays a large role in the story, and thus this blog will be spoiler heavy. If you have not finished DA:I (and all its DLC) then please take caution when you follow this blog. I don't tag spoilers for any DA:I content and I would hate to spoil anyone.

Here are some basics!

mostly canon, semi-canon divergent

independent, elective

will roleplay with mutuals only

21+, not open to smut

single ship

tags triggers

Rules last updated April 2021.

Interaction

i am semi-selective & (mostly) not exclusive

I will only be roleplaying with mutuals for the foreseeable future. Starter ask memes may be turned into threads, but please make a separate post!

I will roleplay with multiples and do not practise exclusivity for either Player Characters or Canons. I have mains whose interpretations/universes I default to so that I can write in a semi-consistent universe. All duplicates I roleplay with exist in different universes.

i am singleship

This is the "(mostly)" part of the "not exclusive thing." On this blog I only ship with Iander Lavellan and am closed off for romantic ships. I am, however, incredibly interested in developing non-romantic ships- both positive and negative. As Ian is a companion OC and not Inquisitor, he exists in my Solas's universe regardless.

i reserve the right to follow & unfollow as i choose

This blog is not follow-for-follow. I like to keep my dash relatively slow moving. As mentioned, I do try to keep the opportunity for non-mutuals to roleplay with me or chat.

As for unfollowing (or soft blocking) I won't usually explain why, usually it's one of these couple reasons:

Inactivity (the main one tbh - if I see you're back I'll refollow!)

Offensive material (homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, etc)

Untagged Negativity / Vagueblogging (it makes me anxious)

Untagged character hate (especially Solas or Merrill hate)

As one final note on following: I don't send in passwords. I promise I read your rules before initiating interaction.

sending & receiving memes

Don't use me as a meme resource. Not all IC memes will work for two characters, so if it doesn't fit feel free to reblog. But OOC memes, symbols or asks you can send out of character, which require no interaction to send. I don't care if we're not mutuals, and I promise if you send me something I'll check to see if you reblogged it and send you something in return. I'm not a big fan of the "reblog from source" solution for non-mutuals, I just... pls. Send me something.

on messaging

I will not roleplay using Tumblr's IM system and prefer not to roleplay on IM platforms (Discord, etc) period. Feel free to message me OOC, it's open regardless of whether or not I follow you.

My Discord is also available for mutuals. Just shoot me a Tumblr IM or ask and I'd be happy to provide it!

Threads

please be patient

I am currently attending grad school and am a graduate assistant on top of that. Roleplying is a hobby, please respect that.

Before you message me asking about replies please check here for a list of my Solas threads or here for a list of Solas replies I currently owe. If you are on this page, I know I owe you. If you're not, please mesage me and let me know! I'd appreciate it, I like to keep it updated.

i'm open to any format

Banter, para, multi-para, novella are all possible. I prefer to reserve longer threads for plotted or intense interactions, and shorter threads for more casual roleplays b/c otherwise there's way too much navel gazing. Shorter threads are also much more likely to get timely replies.

I don't format beyond small text, and will roleplay with you regardless of whether you do or don't format yourself. I do use 100x100 icons (except in specific AUs where I have no icons to speak of), but am open to iconless roleplay if you don't use them.

Tagging

common triggers on this blog

This blog regularly features themes of slavery, fantasy racism, and mental illness (specifically: depression, depersonalisation/derealisation, ptsd). All themes present in the Dragon Age series will also likely appear here at some point, even if it's OOC discussion. These will be tagged when referenced.

my tagging policies

I track the tag #theharellan

I tag general triggers and will tag others upon request. My format is: #(trigger)+tw. For example a blood trigger warning would be: #blood tw.

I will also tag content warnings for things that include, for example, character death (like so: #character death cw).

NSFW is a rarity on this blog. When I do write or reblog something even vaguely NSFW it will be tagged #( nsfw )

For a full list of the tags I use often on this blog, please refer to this page here.

my tagging requests

For my comfort, please tag...

#Animal Death TW (especially pet death)

#NSFW

#Gore Images

#Negativity

#Solas Hate

My Solas Interpretation

I've been roleplaying Solas 3+ years at the time of writing, and I've expanded upon his interpretation over this time. Here are probably some of the most important things to know about my interpretation.

some notes for elvhenan-era characters

Please at least skim this post especially if you roleplay a character with knowledge of Fen'Harel.

If you roleplay an evanuris, please do not assume Solas is your friend! This has become less of a problem since Trespasser, but I'm keeping this just in case. He has no love for the evanuris (save Mythal) and will just want to fight you.

I am open to discussion so our interpretations of Elvhenan better match, but there are some things I'm not interested in changing. If you diverge from canon in a way that rewrites the evanuris as wholly benign and erase slavery from the narrative entirely, then we're not compatible.

some notes for everyone else

Do not suspect Solas of being Fen'Harel without my permission! He is canonically very careful with his identity. The exception to this will be Elvhenan-era characters, but even in those cases don't just sweep in and out him.

My Solas was not Solas first. What I mean by this is, he had several names before choosing the name Solas. I headcanon that Elvhenan elves had a pretty fluid view of names, similar to how Abelas likely was not the name that character was born with. That being said Solas is his real name.

My Solas is queer. He is panromantic, asexual, and agender. My reasoning for roleplaying him as such can be read here, but tl;dr there is no such thing as a cishet in Elvhenan.

As stated previously, he is in a canon relationship with the companion OC Iander Lavellan. I don't expect you to know the ins and outs of their relationship by any means, but it is common knowledge within the Inquisiton. You can read a summary of their relationship story here.

I write the events of Inquisition as having played out over the course of about three years rather than the canon one. My default Inquisitor does both Jaws of Hakkon and The Descent prior to the end of the game.

I've tweaked Solas's behaviour during What Pride Had Wrought to flow better. You can find a more detailed description here.

In canon Solas says some very bigoted stuff about dwarves and qunari. This holds true for my Solas, but I tend to write him as developing/learning better throughout the course of DA:I (which is supported in part by canon, but due to banter it comes across inconsistently). This isn't to say he's cured of his racism b/c it is always an ongoing process, but that he's aware enough to try to check himself.

His ultimate goal is to tear down the Veil and use his powers as a Dreamer to reshape the world to create a future for the elves/spirits- and, more specifically, the rebels he fought with before the creation of the Veil.

As one final note please refrain from making egg jokes at him or me. I'm so tired.

OOC Stuff

about me

You can call me Tas! I use she/her pronouns. I’ve been in the Dragon Age fandom for like 8 years now and I’ve been rping for like 18 years total. Probably more. I made this Solas November 22nd, 2014.

I have a personal blog (queenaeducan) and my discord is available to mutuals, just shoot me an ask!

Name: Tas Age: 26 Pronouns: She/Her Interests: Elves & cats

For Non-RP Blogs

Hello! I'm happy you're here! Feel free to send me inbox messages addressed to either myself or Solas. I encourage you to reblog my writing, meta, drabbles, graphics, etc! I only ask that you respect the fact that my Solas has a Lavellan of his own, and I won't respond to asks that imply another love interest. Also if I've reblogged writing from another rp blog, please look at their rules before reblogging it yourself. Not everyone is comfortable with it being shared throughout the fandom.

So in list form the rules are:

Send me asks

Send Solas asks

Like my rp threads / Like p much anything

Reblog my headcanons

Reblog my metas

Reblog my drabbles

Reblog my graphics / promos

DON'T reblog promos of other rp blogs

DON'T reblog text posts from other rp blogs without reading their rules/checking with them first

Remember my Solas has a love interest, and it isn't your Lavellan. Please don't send him asks about him being in a relationship w/ someone who isn't theshirallen(Ian).

If you reblog something I made/wrote pls remember I check the tags in hopes of seeing something nice.

Thank you!

[mooncakesjongup]

Get to Know Me tag

1ST RULE: tag 10 people you want to get to know better

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true

I was tagged by: @himchans-eye-dimple and @bangyongguktigger

APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller i’m v smol I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing ears, but i plan on getting more I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair my hair is almost down to my thighs lmmaooo My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people kind of?? i’m a very awkward person and v v formal when i talk to someone until i get to know you better People tell me that I’m funny i tend to make a lot of typos even when i speak and was once told i type like scooby doo.. so.. Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude but then there have been instances where my jokes have hurt people so :// I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

ABILITY: I can sing well my principals were all a fan of my voice I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory if you’re talking about trauma then ye, 10/10 I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them it was so awkward and painful is2g, 10/10 would not recommend. I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school my old school, yeahh? My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I have had a teacher with the last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair i have been since a v young age soo I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today i haven’t had a waffle in so long... I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year

I will tag: @jongup-is-an-enigma(bcs we interacted like once and idk you seem like a chill person even though you attacked me) @7btobap6 @thediebutterfly(tbh you’re so sweet ;; and so fun to talk to) @daestopiaa (we don’t interact at all but i’d love to get to know u if only i knew how) @bap-time (mother [[insert the old meme here]]) @kittlia (twinny pls do it for me <3)

I hope you don’t feel any pressure in doing this tag because if you don’t want to, you don’t have to do it. If you want me to untag you please let me know!!!

[clockworkgraystairs]

You got me trippin | Jurdan one-shot

Rating: T

Summary: Cardan takes care of his girlfriend after she injures her ankle. Rain and cuddles, that's it. One-shot.

Tags: @slightlyrebelliouswriter23​ @sweetlyvillainous​ @aesthetics-11​ @jurdanhell​ @demydreamer-otaku-and-book-lover​ @nite0wl29​ @cardan-greenbriar-tcp​ @b00kworm​ @mysweetvillain​ @thesirenwashere​

If you wish to be tagged or untagged pls let me know!

A massive thank you to @slightlyrebelliouswriter23​ for helping me beta-ing this and to her and @sweetlyvillainous​ for the encouragement to keep on writing!! 

Read on AO3 here!       My masterlist

“Jesus fucking Christ, be careful!!” She hissed for the second time glaring at him. He was currently focused on the bandage coiling around her ankle. He had been checking on it for the last ten minutes, adjusting and tightening the thing until she cursed and threatened to send him to sleep on the couch.

He chuckled. His stubborn Jude, always throwing daggers at people at the smallest inconvenience. Unfortunately for her, it only made him want to tease her even more. “Maybe if someone hadn’t been running around, she wouldn’t have sprained her ankle and we wouldn’t be here.”

“Ok first of all I wasn’t running around, those damned imps were chasing the cat and someone needed to stop them.” Jude groaned laying back on the couch. “Second of all, it wasn’t my fault that the floor was all wet because some god decided it was a nice moment to send a storm.” 

“Those imps as you call them are your students, love.” He said, finally leaving her poor limb alone and tugging it back under the fluffy blanket. “And that kitten was scared, you can’t really blame him.”

Cardan couldn’t help the grin that left his face as Jude squinted at said cat, now dry and comfortably sleeping on the opposite couch. Besides, he was no fool. The real reason she was so pissed had less to do with her kindergarten kids making a mess or his choice to take the animal with them, and more with the embarrassment of falling in front of the entire group. 

While he liked to keep his students inside reading fairy-tales or drawing, Jude preferred taking hers out to the front yard to do all kinds of activities. The children adored her, even when she was kind of scary sometimes. As for Cardan, he loved to watch her from the window. Her energy, her spirit. It was hypnotizing.

The day before though, a storm took Jude’s group by surprise in the middle of a class, forcing them to hide under a dome and wait for it to be over. It all happened too quickly. A thunder roared, making the windows tremble. A stray cat, visibly terrified, ran across the yard looking for shelter. Three children bolted behind it, yelling something Cardan couldn’t understand. In less than a second Jude had hurried behind them urging them to return. Somehow, she missed a hole on the ground that was covered by the rain. 

Even behind a window and the sound of the rain, his heart missed a beat as he faintly heard Jude’s scream as her foot twisted and she fell. He was only half-aware of his voice telling his students to remain on their seats before he ran out of the classroom.

The doctor had sent her home for the rest of the week since her ankle was significantly injured. Some scars and bruises ran up her left arm, as she’d landed on top of it.

So here he was, taking care of his grumpy girlfriend who seemed incapable of staying still for more than two minutes. Cardan started to get up when Jude stopped him by tugging his sleeve.

“Why don’t you call the school and say you’re ill?” She pouted. “You can’t leave me alone with that beast.”

“I’m sure you’ll be safe. If it tries to set the place on fire though, call me.” 

He had no intentions of returning back to the school, but the principal agreed to grant him a couple of days off to take care of Jude in exchange for helping him organize some documents they used for class. An easy task Cardan could finish at home. So he picked them up and returned to the apartment, just stopping a moment to buy some cookies Jude adored. 

By the time he parked the car back at home it had started to rain again, barely giving him time to get inside before getting all soaked. 

“Jude?” He called, taking off his wet coat and dropping it over a chair.

Cardan frowned at her lack of answer, walking to the living room and fighting to bite back a chuckle at the sight of her.

Curled adorably under the blanket and messy hair framing that face that filled him with so much peace, Jude rested in the same spot he’d left her, except she was now deeply asleep. The kitten tucked in the crook of her neck. So much for a wild beast, he thought.

Taking off his shoes and not bothering to turn on the lights, he slid into the narrow space between her back and the couch and held her tenderly. He cooed as he felt her shift, burying his nose in the wild curls. She was warm and the scent of her violet soap covered her skin. The raindrops hit the window in an almost rhythmic pace.  

After a few minutes Jude mumbled his name, barely awake. The cat protested as she turned her head to him. “I was ambushed by the monster.” He grinned at the grogginess in her voice.

“I can see that.” Trying to be as gentle as possible, he moved the little creature to the hollow spot between their feet where it immediately returned to sleep. Taking advantage of the free spot, Cardan caressed the skin of her neck with his nose. “Maybe I envy him just a little.”

She flashed him a teasing smile, fully turning so she could face him with still hooded eyes. He didn’t miss the small wince that crossed her face. “Do you now?”

He nodded before surveying her, frowning. “How are you feeling? Does it still hurt?”

Jude shrugged, “Only a little. It’ll pass.”

Cardan sighed, circling her with his arms again. “I’ll be here… Making sure you don’t attempt to follow another cat to the top of the building or something.”

She nudged him with a scoff. “Why don’t you make sure to tell your jokes when your throat is not at my hand’s reach?”

“Kinky.” he purred over her mouth, pressing their bodies tighter before taking her lower lip between his teeth, letting it go before she could deepen the kiss. “But as tempting as your hands around my neck might be, you need to rest.”

“I’ve been resting the whole day.” She whined, letting her head fall back on the pillow. Her eyes tell another story though, starting to close again.

Taking the blanket to cover them both, he cupped her cheek with a hand, pressing a kiss to her brow. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Now go to sleep, wife.”

“Wife, huh?” Jude breathed, her voice almost unintelligible  “You missed a step there.”

“Did I? My sleep deprived mind is probably playing tricks on me.”

She grinned a little but didn’t answer back, her breathing evened. 

Maybe he was just getting ahead of things. Or maybe not, since a small ring had spent already a month hidden on top of a shelf Jude couldn’t reach. Waiting. 

Cardan wasn’t so sure yet of what the right moment would be, he’d spent so much of his life surrounded by uncertainty. But looking at her in his arms, all disheveled and with pillow lines on her cheek, he knew there was no way he wished to be elsewhere. 

As rain thickened outside, he laid his head next to hers and caressed her cheek again, “Marry me, Jude Duarte.”

[clockworkgraystairs]

Christmas Dinner || Jurdan X-mas in July

AHHHH there is more Christmas!Jurdan!!!!!!!!! 🎄🎄

Rating: T

Summary:  The Duarte's are hosting their Christmas dinner and Vivi sets a trap for Jude to bring his boyfriend and introduce him to the family.

I guess this can be considered a little prequel to You got me trippin? 

This is also my first time posting somethin in 1st person sooo...let’s see how it goes lmao

Tags:  @jurdannet @jurdannetrevels @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 @sweetlyvillainous @aesthetics-11 @thesirenwashere @jurdanhell @demydreamer-otaku-and-book-lover @nightbringer @b00kworm @mysweetvillain @thefolkofthefic @yafandomsdotnet @vanessa172003​

[if you wish to be tagged/untagged or if I forgot to tag you pls let me know!]

A massive thank you to Becca @sweetlyvillainous​ for betaing this for me!! Love u 🧡

Masterlist             Read on AO3

This is a terrible, terrible idea I keep repeating myself.

If I’d shown a little more steadiness with my sister I wouldn’t be in this situation. I knew she was nervous about presenting her girlfriend to the family, specially to our father. And because she is extra as hell, she couldn’t choose another date that wasn’t on Christmas Eve. For weeks now she’d been texting me, grumbling about how was she going to be able to pull it off. I told her to relax and just go with it.

What I didn’t expect though, was for Vivi to arrive out of nowhere to the school where I work, talking nonsense about me bringing a fake date to dinner with hopes of taking the attention away from her. 

After spending 15 minutes trying to convince her it is not necessary for me to do that, her insistence is such I end up babbling how bad that idea is since I already have a boyfriend, and fake dating someone else would certainly create problems.

Big mistake.

Looking at me with something like betrayal in her eyes, now she starts questioning me about that boyfriend who I’d never talked about before. I bite my lip. When it comes to personal stuff I prefer to keep it private, even with my own family. I have my reasons. 

And just because luck is not on my side today, in the middle of her inquiries I hear a faint “Hey, babe!” behind me. I groan. Of course. Of course he had to arrive in that moment. 

We both turn to look at him. Cardan approaches us wearing that mischievous grin reserved only for me, so different from the polite smile he uses with his students. His hair is tied up in a bun as he also wears it for work, few curls escaping it in the most adorable way. 

With a pang of panic, I notice Vivi noticing how dumbfounded I’m looking at him. Her eyes light up in a way that I know means nothing good. I frown at her. 

“I was looking for you on the cafeteria, one of your students told me you were here.” He pauses. “I- didn’t notice you were busy though, sorry.”

“Not at all!” Vivi says with exaggerated enthusiasm. “I’m Jude’s older sister, Vivi! You must be her lovely boyfriend.”

“Oh, yeah I am. Nice to meet you!” If I didn’t know him so well I wouldn’t notice the slight blush on his cheeks or the way he looks at me in contained alarm.  

It’s too late by the time I put the pieces together. When I realize what is about to happen, my sister is already handing Cardan a rolled piece of paper.

“I came to make sure Jude invites you to our family Christmas dinner! She’s so absentminded sometimes isn’t she?” 

I’m going to kill her. Slowly.

Horrified, I stand there and see Cardan take the invitation, grinning. His polite, charming smile.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” He says. “Thank you so much Vivi.”

My sister turns to me and whatever look it’s on my face makes her hesitate. Although, not enough. She claps her hands once and makes an excited squeal. “Well I must go now! But I’m so excited you’re coming to join us Cardan, see you there. Ciao!”

With that she turns and leaves.

-

So here we are. My boyfriend driving by my side, as we are about to arrive to my parent’s house.

My knee bounces without control as I twist my scarf between my fingers. At any moment now, I’m sure my heart is going to bolt out of my chest. 

“Jude dear, is everything ok?” He asks. I notice I’ve been quiet almost the entire road.

I turn to look at him. He looks dashing, even if it’s not a strictly formal dinner he always finds a way to dress as it was. Black ensemble and green scarf that stands out his pale skin, though his nose and cheeks have a touch of color because of the cold weather. 

“Yeah it’s just... My family is a little,” I pause. “I don’t know how to explain it.”

We are not the type of family that introduces romantic partners, ever. My twin sister tried to do it some years ago with a terrible and embarrassing outcome. At some point in the middle of breakfast, she’d asked her daddy to pass the salt. Both our father and Locke moved to grab it at the same time. What came next, well… if that Locke dude had restrained himself to make a sarcastic and really tacky comment about it, maybe he would still be welcome in the house. Alas, he is not. 

Ever since that day, every time someone brings a guest to the house my father gets in a mood that is pretty uncomfortable for everyone. Sooner or later he makes everyone run.  Not exactly the first impression I want Cardan to have. 

We’ve been together for some time now, about eleven months. But the topic of introducing our families has never been on the table so far. I know he comes from a problematic family even if he doesn’t talk much about them. As for me, I have to admit I’ve grown so attached to him that I’m terrified of Madoc, or any other of my relatives, scaring him away.

He takes my hand in his, warming it, and smiles softly. “It’ll be ok. Breathe.”

I sigh, hoping he’s right and grip his hand tighter.  

The inside of the house looks as if Santa’s bag had exploded. There are lights and ornaments everywhere. Even the tree is bigger than previous years. A delicious smell of food fills the place. As I stare in awe I hear voices coming from the living room.

“Jude? Is that you?” Hurried steps sound in the wooden floor and a few seconds later my little brother appears wearing an absurd red and white onesie. He crashes against me and I laugh, hugging him back.

“You do realize that’s for little kids don’t you?” I ask. “It looks good on you, though.”

Oak scoffs and pulls back. “Well of course it does. I look good on everything.”

Cardan chuckles next to me and for the first time my brother notices him. His eyes and mouth open widely, blinking at him and then turning back at me. Once. Twice.

“Jude,” He murmurs. It cracks me up how shy he can get around new people. “Who’s this?”

Ah, here we go. I take a deep breath and grab Cardan’s hand again. 

“Don’t be rude,” I warn him. “His name is Cardan. Cardan, this is my brother Oak.”

Cardan greets him, extending his hand to him. Oak shakes it, visibly puzzled. “And Cardan is…?”

“My boyfriend.” 

A slow, mocking and devilish smile spreads on his face. I swear to god that kid was taken out from the movie Cheaper by the Dozen. All the shyness is suddenly gone.

“You and Vivi are really trying to give dad a heart attack today aren’t you?” He turns to Cardan and adopts a serious expression I almost believe. “Please tell me Jude doesn’t call you daddy.”

“OAK!” I hiss. I look at Cardan and he gazes back with amusement, I notice he’s biting back a laugh. 

“WHAT? I need to know earlier if I need to take my phone out, last time I didn’t have time to record when dad…” He motions with his hand. Yeah, I remember.

“She doesn’t.” Cardan affirms. Mimicking my brother’s mischievous smile he asks. “Is there a story there I need to know?”

Oak hesitates, even though I’m sure he’s dying to spill it out.

“Taryn would kill you.” I remind him.

“She’s not coming. For what I’ve heard, either it’s Locke’s turn to visit his family or something about dad running him under the car if he dared appearing. I’m not sure.”

Great. 

“What if I beat you at Mario Kart?” Cardan asks, pointing at the console resting next to the tv. 

Oak squints at him. “Are you challenging me?”

“It’s not a challenge when I know I’m going to win.”

Turning to me, my brother grins. “I like him.”

-

I know this is the first time I’ve brought someone home, but still I don’t know if I should be offended at my parent’s surprised faces. Oak had to tell my mother twice that Cardan is my boyfriend before she nods in understanding.

On his side, Cardan is being the full gentleman. To be fair he always is, but I notice the extra effort he’s doing today. It warms my heart. The only sign of nervousness I notice in him are occasional deep breaths he takes when he thinks no one is watching.

We get to meet Heather too, who is adorable and I honestly don’t know how on earth she fell in love with my lunatic sister. In a matter of minutes Cardan is already friends with her which helps with her evident tension. Vivi seems to relax as well. 

Christmas music plays on the background as we eat. This is probably my favorite part of the evening. Don’t get me wrong, I love gatherings with my family but food calls me on a spiritual level. Cardan knows it too, chuckling at my excitement while I’m serving us mashed potatoes. 

“So, Cardan.” My father starts, serving the wine. My heart leaps in my chest, oh no. “You met my daughter at work?” 

He nods. “Yes sir, I arrived there about two years ago. I teach preschool and first grade.” Winking at me he adds. “Jude used to hate me.”

Madoc turns to me, frowning. “What happened?” I roll my eyes, classical worried dad.

I take a long drink from my wine and shrug. “Nothing, he stole the ‘best teacher award’ from me, on his first six months. I’m pretty sure he bribed the students that year.”

To my surprise, my father barks a laugh. We all stare at him wide-eyed. 

“Keep repeating that to yourself, love.” Cardan teases. “It was a clean triumph.”

“You’ve always been competitive Jude, that’s no secret.”  Vivi adds. “It’s nice to finally meet someone who can pull up with that.”

I turn to glare at her. You and I are going to talk later. She sticks out her tongue at me. 

“Do you guys have sex?” 

“Oak!” My mother shouts as my father and I both choke on our wine.  

-

When Cardan parks the car outside my apartment it’s already past midnight. 

Surprisingly, this turned out to be one of the best Christmas celebrations I’ve ever had. My boyfriend somehow managed to not only avoid any uncomfortable moments around my family but also to wrap them up around his little finger. With jokes and tales about us the night had passed incredibly fast. 

Toasts were made, hugs and gifts were given. By the end, we were sprawled on the floor wearing silly sweaters and watching the merciless Mario Kart match between Oak and Cardan. It ended up in a tie. Rematch was already set for New Year’s Eve.

It was everything I never thought it would be.

“Well, did Vivi’s plan work?” Cardan asks.

I turn to find him already looking at me with a knowing smile on his face. Still, it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“C’me on, you weren’t really planning on inviting me to your family’s dinner. Something was surely going on the day she gave me the invitation.” 

Sighing I whisper. “I’m sorry.” 

He knows me too well, more than I even know myself sometimes.

“Don’t be, it’s not a topic we usually discuss.” He shrugs, reaching my hand with his. His thumb makes slow circles on my skin “Still, I should’ve asked if it was ok with you. Forgive me if I crossed a line.”

“You didn’t. I just wasn’t planning for you to meet my family yet.” I regret those words the moment they leave my mouth, knowing how they sound. Cardan doesn’t let go of my hand but he stops his ministrations. “Wait, that wasn’t…”

“Jude, it’s ok.” He says, turning to the windshield. I know him well enough too, and notice the touch of sadness behind his words. 

“No it’s not. Please listen.” I insist, my heart is beating fast now. That look on his eyes is exactly what I tried to avoid the whole night. “The reason why I wasn’t thinking to introduce you to my family is that they’re ridiculously hard and annoying with every new person that visits. And this is the first time I took someone home and…I don’t know, I-”

“You thought I’d leave?” He turns his gaze back to me, warily. 

At the beginning of the day I did. But I don’t find the words to admit it, so I don’t answer.

After a moment of silence he asks “Do you want to know why I agreed to go?”

I swallow and nod. Cardan inhales deeply..

“We’ve been together for some time now. And you know, you must know, I’m not playing around Jude.” I start to say something but he silences me with a soft finger against my lips.  “I love you. If I agreed to whatever scheme your sister had in mind it was because I wanted to show you that I’m not going away. No matter what.”

“My family…”

“They love you. It’s only natural for them to ask what my intentions are… and maybe tease us about it too. I’m willing to admit your dad is a little scary. But not enough to make me run away.” He winks, cupping my face.“There is nothing on earth that would make me want to run away, Jude. That’s how much I love you.”

Feeling my eyes sting I blink. “I love you too.”

We’ve said those words before. But I find that they acquire a different meaning, somehow deeper. My chest is suddenly too small to hold everything I feel for this man. He’s not going anywhere. He loves me. I’m grinning like an idiot and I’m proud of it. 

I lean to rest my forehead against his. “Since it’s our first Christmas together… and you already met my family.” His smile widens at that. “Would you like to stay the night?”

“There’s nothing I would like more.” Cardan angles his head to give me a kiss that I accept gladly, coiling my arms around his neck.  “I usually spend Christmas alone, I guess it’s time for new traditions.”

We remain entwined for some minutes, it fastly turns into something hotter and desperate. I’m already straddling his hips when I pull back a few inches. I bet my lips are as swollen as his. He is looking at me with hunger… and love.

“How about a tradition in which we spend Christmas night undressed and watching some crappy Netflix movies?” I suggest.

My toes curl when he leans to bite my lobe and purrs. “Yes, please.”