#(i.e. even wasting the whole day away

[orangerainforest]

🌻

[yanderederee]

I love your work and your whole blog is just so amazing! I would like to request letter A for Baji from Tokyo revengers. Thank you, have a nice day dear! :)

This one’s going to be longer than normal— sue me. Read more cause it’s long

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Baji Keisuke is a very intense person. When he feels strongly about a person, it’s hard not to notice. He goes out of his way to give Pah’s dog extra attention when he’s away, carries Mikey to and from places when he falls asleep randomly— everyone feels at ease when they’re with Baji because he is a safe person that they know they can trust.

So for his significant other; of course he’ll show his affections openly. Though it may look like less like romantic affection than it would a doting mother (does that make sense?)

Baji will wholeheartedly take care of you.

You have a stomach ache in public? He rubs your back and finds a place for you to sit, or takes you home immediately if you want. Even if he’s not entirely sure how to fix your issues, he’s dutiful in the way he cares for you.

Order something you don’t like at a restaurant? You got two options, you two can swap meals (because he doesn’t care what he eats as long as you’re happy), or he’ll order a safer option for you.

Can’t sleep? He’ll be half delirious, but he’ll stay on the phone with you and let you chat while he mumbles back replies to make you feel better. Battery might be shot tomorrow but he only uses it to stay in touch with you anyway.

Leaning into romantic affection: not so much into the casual stuff like hand holding (he’s a little squirrelly and gets frustrated if his arm is locked down for too long), but loves looping his arm over your shoulder and holding you close to him at all times. It’s more than showing people you belong to him, it’s also the comfort having you near brings him.

If he’s sitting and getting stir crazy, he’ll play with your fingers. It eventually becomes a fidget of his so he doesn’t realize he does it, but everyone else does.

Likes cuddles, specially holding you. He loves feeling you wrapped up in his arms and pressed into his neck. He could get lost in thought and lay there for hours thinking of all the things he adores about you.

If you fall asleep, he’ll stare at your face; gently pat your hair or trace your features… he’s star stuck thinking about you.

Also shows his affection in protecting you. Can not stand when other people waste your time. If you’re enjoying the conversation then sure, he’ll endure. But if you show any sign of fatigue or annoyance, he’s quick to swoop in and come up with an excuse to get yall going.

That goes for his own friends too. If anyone so much as gives a backhanded comment about you, (I.e: she’s leeching all of your time Baji/Cant you go anywhere without her?/she’s fine but I don’t like having her around/etc), he goes off. There was nothing fucking wrong with you and if you were content being by his side, then he would happily keep you there.

“Fuck you say? Ain’t no one ask you, so keep your shit shut.” He can get really aggressive with his language and dialect, don’t try fighting him further than that, it will end in fists and blood.

Speaking of, is happy to beat the shit out of anyone for you. There’s not a lot that is beneath him. (More on this @/Blood) He doesn’t hit girls, but he will pull their hair and scream in their face for a long time until they get the picture to not mess with you.

Overall: Baji only becomes an intense yandere if other people get involved. If it’s just the two of you, he’s extremely doting and careful with you, but does his best not to stir you into complex feelings that might cause you to leave him.

[gabessquishytum]

This Vacation Romance/Honeymoon Suite one set off fireworks in my heart!!: https://gabessquishytum.tumblr.com/post/732821235748225024/dream-is-the-one-left-at-the-altar-too-much-too

I’m incomprehensibly attached to the Accidental Engagement trope — i.e. one character thinks they’re engaged and the other doesn’t realize. ALSO, I have this whole elaborate headcannon about how the Endless have no idea how marriage works because marriage has been SO many things in the billion years/species/cultures of existence. So like what if…

Dream visits Hob sometime after 2022 while he’s trying to make up for being gone/walking out on Hob & he’s agreed to see what this century has to offer. (And maybe his siblings are leaning on him a bit to actually experience the world a bit more — I mean, he’s the only one of them that has an actual very knowledgeable human guide! What a waste not to take advantage, right?!) So Hob — kind of panicking when Dream shows up asking to go on vacation — books the first available all-inclusive resort package Google serves up, and in a few hours they’re on a plane (because transportation is part of The Experience and sand is cheating). But at the front desk, there’s a problem…

Hob: Welp, they’ve double booked us. Damn Expedia! But good news! They’ve got an extra room after some last minute cancellation. It’s the Honeymoon Suite though, so… ah… *shifts awkwardly while yearning to spend a night in the Honeymoon Suite with Dream*

Dream *very seriously accepting this eternal commitment*: Ah, I see. Yes, Hob Gadling… Yes, I… I think I should like this.��

Hob: You sure? I mean, I wouldn’t want to make you feel…

Dream: I am certain. 

Hob: Really, we don’t have to! *really, really wanting to*

Dream *even more into it after seeing how gentle & caring Hob is being toward Dream’s feelings* : I understand. I accept this proposition, Hob.

As Dream follows Hob solemnly up to the penthouse Honeymoon Suite, he thinks about all the different ways he’s seen dreamers bound in union over the eons. This feels a bit abrupt, but it’s hardly stranger than some of the traditions that have existed. What a lucky chance that he should stumble into this experience with Hob!

(It might be Desire more than chance, but they are definitely not telling.)

As they approach the gilded door at the end of the hallway, Dream shyly takes Hob’s hand. If they are married now (and he saw the woman put their names into the computer, so it is done), then surely he need no longer suppress his feelings, so long as Hob is amenable.

And, yeah, is Hob amenable! He’d only imagined maybe getting a touch, even a lingering glance by the end of the week. But Dream melts into him and — though Hob checks in frequently to make sure Dream’s ok with everything — they spend a long, hot week tangled in the bedsheets, sipping margaritas, and getting up only for room service and bathroom breaks.

Back at home, he expects that that’ll be it for a while. Dream must’ve needed to blow off some steam after his imprisonment. But Dream shows up every day that week. He’s very busy, but he makes sure to pull the finest food out of the most renowned chefs’ dreams; he even packs some away every evening to make sure Hob has something to take to work the next day. He reads or sits quietly while Hob does his marking or lesson planning. Then they gently wash each other in the shower, and then Dream slips under the sheets with Hob. 

It’s so great that Hob is starting to get worried. 

Hob *taking Dream’s hand*: Dove, what is it? I’m not complaining, but are you… alright?

Dream (who has been self-conscious as he is still catching up on what husbands want/are like in 2022): It has been many years since I… since I was in this position. Is this not what you wish from a sworn partner?

Hob *sworn partner?*: I… yes?

Dream: When you asked me to complete the Honeymoon Suite rite, I thought of how I had… disappointed those I was sworn to before. As a husband, I have hardly been as thorough in my responsibilities as I have in other areas of my function. And yet, my heart leapt at the chance to try again — even on the spur of the moment — and our courtship had spanned so many centuries, that it seemed to make sense…

It is as Dream speaks, unravelling several millennia of complex emotions, that Hob realizes he has a spouse. Oh, and that he’s been dating Dream for six hundred years?!

This is so wonderful and delightful and I love the dialogue you've written between them SO much like omg it's so soft. The honeymoon suite rite 😭😭😭

Imagine how gentle Hob is with Dream, even while his heart races and he tries to navigate his brain around the idea of being MARRIED. To DREAM. He's pulling Dream in close to his chest and rubbing his back while quietly freaking out. He's so mad at himself for not knowing that they were courting this whole time! No wonder Dream was mad when Hob called him lonely and started banging on about friendship in 1889! Holy shit!

He should have been showering Dream in love, courting gifts, affection and all of that stuff!!! He has SO much time to make up for, he's so lucky that Dream agreed to marry him when Hob has accidentally been the worst boyfriend ever for 600 years...

Dream peeks up out of Hob’s chest and he's like "am I performing my duties as a 21st century human husband adequately? It is very important to me that you should be happy in our marriage." And Hob nearly hyperventilates (in like a good way) and just pulls Dream closer to convey that a) he is a very satisfied husband and b) he intends to be the best damned spouse that Dream of the Endless has ever had <3

[godneuteredmeforbeingtoopowerful]

CW: discussions of child neglect, food policing, abusing autistic children, fatshaming

I’ve always been confused why I have food insecurity trauma behaviors, but my family has always had the privilege of having enough food and money and whatever else. I was reflecting on this with one of my partners this morning, and realized that my parents had a lot of rules around eating that other people… didn’t? So I wanted to share some of them and… idk. I just don’t want to feel alone. Also, understanding that I am (undiagnosed as a child) autistic with sensory issues that sometimes explode into ARFID, is vital to this conversation and adds a whole other layer. Again, CW ahead.

We always had ingredients, not pre-prepared meals. And you couldn’t eat things bc they were an ingredient

Things like cheese you could snack on but you could only have a little. If you’re hungry, eat a fruit or a vegetable (notoriously some of the worst things for textural sensory issues.)

Pre-packaged snacks have a purpose- if we’re leaving the house, or if you want to take one to school. You may have one snack after school, but there’s a specific amount you’re allowed to have, and it cannot be pre-packaged. I was banned from goldfish for a period of years bc I kept ignoring the rule with it. (I was unwittingly self-medicating for POTS, because it was the saltiest thing I was allowed. The diagnosis came years later.)

Sugar was evil. I could have it several times a week, but only as dessert. I had no say in what dessert was or when. If I asked for it, the answer would automatically be no. Breakfast cereal, one of my only safe foods that I could count on, was not allowed to contain more than 8-9 grams of sugar. That ruled out things like fruity pebbles, my favorite cereal. Occasionally this rule would be broken for things like Golden Grahams, because my dad liked them, but not for anything else unless it was a special occasion.

If you miss your time slot during the day, you just don’t get that thing: i.e. snack time is from 3-4pm. If you don’t eat then, you can’t eat until dinner at 6. No food after dinner. No food between 8am and noon. No food between 1 and 3. This schedule was only allowed to deviate if mom deviated from it.

Also, if you don’t like what’s been prepared for a meal, too bad. Eat it or eat nothing.

In a similar vein, if you don’t eat all of your lunch at school, the leftovers are now your snack after school the next day so mom can watch you eat it. It was supposed to teach me to eat all my food at school. Instead I just learned to throw food away.

Foods other kids got a lot, we didn’t really. They were only for car trips or birthdays, so a few times a year. Things like chips, soda, cracker jacks, etc.

Since safe foods were policed so heavily, I learned to eat a shit ton when I could, so I could make it through potentially not eating anything else substantial until the next day, or even several days. This was usually breakfast cereal, which was guaranteed, and snack time food, which was usually something like popcorn or peanut butter celery (which I did like) or pretzels or yogurt. Hated trail mix and granola bars with a passion. This got me consistently criticized for “eating like a pig” or “wasting food” or “eating up money” when I would have 2 bowls of cereal for breakfast, especially in middle school and high school. But if I wasn’t really eating anything else during the day, and I ran out of energy from those 2 bowls by 10am, what else was I supposed to do but take it?

There was also a lot of competition for getting ahold of my safe foods when they were in the house- because I have 3 siblings. So I grew a habit of stealing and hoarding food in my room- even though that was strictly forbidden. I got busted often, but I was fucked otherwise. Or when we had things like pizza for dinner or other safe foods, I’d have several helpings (consequently getting fatshamed) because I wouldn’t know when I’d have a pleasant sensory experience again, or when I’d get to really eat again.

Also, had to clean my plate whenever I complained about dinner. Think I got bungee corded to the chair once. Had to sit at the dinner table past my bedtime a few times because the lasagna or avocado was too much and I’d puke. And then get verbally abused for it. They stopped that with my siblings. They were allowed to have pb&j after eating 3 bites, but only pb&j. What I would have given for that when I was a kid.

Anyway. Any solidarity is unfortunate but appreciated. A bit sobering now that it’s all listed out like that.

[thecurioustale]

My 6-Week Tumblr Return Trial Period Is Up

Happy Autumn! Today is the Autumnal Equinox. (That is, if you're in the Pacific Daylight Time zone or earlier; it's actually tomorrow, the 23rd. The moment of equinox is 11:49 pm PDT this year.)

I came back to Tumblr six weeks ago (actually a little shy of seven weeks but six is the highest whole number) and said that I was going to give it consistent effort till the Equinox to see how I felt about it. Well, that day is today!

I've decided to significantly reduce my Tumblr presence, but not go back to zero like before. I still plan to post at least once or twice a week, and more whenever the fancy catches me. I don't want to slow-roll you, so there's the bottom line.

For those interested, I thought I would talk about my experience since returning.

Why I Came Back

A few years ago on my birthday I set myself a challenge of posting in my journal every day for a year—which I more or less did, and then promptly stopped because it had been a laborious thing for me with limited rewards.

This year on my birthday I decided to try that challenge again, except this time "soft": no formal public announcement, and no penalty if I missed a day. Good thing, too, because I missed a day right away! 😅 But I definitely was doing more and better writing on my journal than I had been, and I liked that. Maybe there was a sweet spot between the strict artifice of one journal entry every day and the sad default of no entries for weeks.

Then, a few days into the challenge, I got the idea of diverting this energy away from my journal and into social media, to try and begin the long process of building an audience for my creative works. I recognize with some dread that when I eventually do finish my next novel, no one is going to read it—because no one is going to know it exists. But that's not set in stone; this is something platforms can help with! And you can't just build a platform overnight. You have to start well in advance. In this post-mainstream-publishing era where independent artists' only hope is to create their own following, I knew that I would have to at least try, if I wanted people to actually read my work.

Building a platform is something I had done years ago, around the time the Prelude to After The Hero was coming out, and I was hugely successful at that time in creating lots of content and lots of channels—i.e. the platform part. But I didn't actually get anywhere in building an audience. Then my life fell apart from multiple catastrophes in a short period, and for many years I had no ability to pursue "platform growth" at all.

But I have that ability again, at least temporarily, and maybe this time I could do better.

Marketing and being social are very hard for me. They don't come naturally to me and I am not good at them. But what I can do is write about my creative work, my life, my take on the world, and anything else that comes to mind. With any luck, that would attract some eyeballs. It's the same thing I was doing eight years ago in my platform-building work, but I could be smarter about it this time, and learn from my past mistakes, which involved a lot of wasted effort that no one ever saw. This time I could try going specifically where the people are: social media! Social media was a part of my original platform-building push eight years ago, but only on the periphery. This time I could put all my platform-building into it, and not all the different channels at once, but just in one single place. Concentrate all my effort on a single point!

So I chose Tumblr: the only social media platform that still seems to reward long-form, thoughtful content. (Not counting YouTube video content.) Facebook is definitely on the way out as a relevant social media network, Twitter was unusually toxic even before the idiot took over, and TikTok to put it politely is not my jam. But Tumblr...I still use Tumblr! I still read several people's pages, and have done so for many years.

I was never actually active on Tumblr as a creator myself. As far as posting my own content goes, my social media home has always been on Facebook (and, for a while, Google+). My "return" to Tumblr this summer wasn't really anything of the sort. Even though my account is many years old, this summer was my first time making a big effort here.

And here's what I learned.

What Worked and What Didn't

I went in with very low expectations. In other words, I didn't actually expect anyone to see my work. I expected to put in my six weeks, toil away in obscurity the whole time, and leave.

But a couple people did notice my return, and reblogged my early posts, and between them they had enough followers that their reblogs got me a small influx of followers. (Hi!) So there were eyeballs, at least. I wasn't talking to the wall. It was a good bet that anything I wrote would at least have a chance of being seen by multiple other people.

A good start!

I set about trying to learn about the Tumblr algorithm and people's usage patterns. I learned that there is a very strong signal to set apart the content that people enjoy seeing and the content they don't. On the scale of Zero to Fire, a lot of what I wrote was either hard Zero or pretty decently Fire.

In the Zero category: My short-form humor was dead on arrival. So was my Tolkienian vocabulary series. My fat liberation essay—by far the biggest effortpost I made during my six weeks here—attracted a single troll and no legitimate engagement whatsoever. At 7700 words I doubt many people even read it. Cool art reblogs were also pretty much a Zero. The people in my tiny audience don't want to see any of this stuff, at least not from me.

In the Fire category: People liked my hot takes on copyright law, left-handedness, rationalist-adjacent topics and framings, some personal anecdotes (but not others), and—most promisingly—some of my discussion about the mechanics of authoring and writing, including topics such as redemption arcs, body diversity representation, losing interest in one's own stories, and long sentences. To the extent I am going to attempt to build a larger Tumblr following over time, this "mechanics of authoring" area is probably where I will focus my primary aim.

Not everything was Zero or Fire. There were also some posts in the middle. My posts actually discussing my own work, The Curious Tale and Galaxy Federal, landed in this space. They mostly fell flat for my general audience, but did noticeably better than the hard Zero stuff due to the consistent engagement of a tiny handful of fans. (Thank you, especially you Fip!)

In terms of financial support, six weeks of content creation on Tumblr yielded no book sales and no new patrons on my Patreon fund, though I did get one pledge increase from an existing patron! This isn't a big surprise, since I didn't make any push to attract new patrons and have made no attempt to hide that my book is also available for free. Still, zero is a noticeable number.

What Tumblr Feels Like

I'll be honest with you: I don't really "do" social media. I never have. I don't like social media. I am a creature of individual websites, web journals / blogs, and message forums. Facebook is the social network I use most (if you don't count YouTube), and my Facebook is set up more like a walled garden than a social network node—i.e., it is almost completely restricted to the people on my deliberately-short friends' list. I use it to look at cool pictures of clouds and landscapes, learn about things going on in my city, and keep in touch with friends. I've never really been one to use social media the way it is intended these days.

Nevertheless: Of all the social networks, I've always had a comparatively positive view of Tumblr. Tumblr is where freaks and weirdos come to be freaky and weird, and I love it. (Sometimes in principle more than practice, but still.) There used to be a tumblr called "Fuck Yeah Fat Upper Arms," and that was what I would point to whenever I had to explain to someone why I love Tumblr.

I also know there are notorious amounts of drama and pettiness on Tumblr, but in my experience it isn't so hard to just sidestep it most of the time. Also, I don't follow all that many people, so I probably just don't see much of this stuff in the first place.

When I returned to Tumblr I am pleased to say that it was basically what I hoped for: lots of wonderful niche and countercultural stuff; really thoughtful discussions that get a lot more depth here than almost anyplace else I've seen; and amazing art and fanart. There were lots of takes I didn't like, of course. Lots of stuff that rubbed me wrong. And the drama is definitely alive and well. But that's just life, right? As amplified by social media in all its unnuanced might. On the whole, I have enjoyed my time spent browsing Tumblr these past six weeks.

One thing actually did bring down my spirits about this place, though, and it has nothing to do with drama or takes I don't like: Tumblr feels kind of addictive. Like a giant industrial vat full of churning slurry, and if you fall in there's no getting out. I have an addictive personality, not to booze or drugs (as far as I know) but to content sources, specifically "content-firehose" websites that always have new things to read. I was stuck on GameFAQs for years back in the day, long after it had become a net-negative for me. Right now my big content addiction is Reddit, and it's definitely a net negative in my life for all the time it wastes for so little in return. And there have been many other content addictions in the years between. It's very hard for me to leave a content-firehose website once I've gotten sucked into it. And I really, really don't want to get sucked into Tumblr.

Like, this place is genuinely cool, but it doesn't "do it" for me like it did the last time I paid close attention to it. Fuck Yeah Fat Upper Arms is gone, and with it the innocence of my youth. Social media just isn't my scene, and returning to Tumblr has definitely given me the impression that I've "outgrown" it altogether. (I wrote a few days ago about one of the reasons why I think this.) I don't particularly want to spend a lot of time here. I don't have that content addiction to Tumblr yet, and I can feel myself actively straining to avoid developing it every time I'm on here. That's why I've only been reading my dashboard a few times a week.

I'm not saying social media is something juvenile that everyone is supposed to outgrow; I'm just talking about my own preferences and issues. My ideal use case for Tumble is to check in with Tumblr periodically and see new Samus Aran fanart and hot takes on cool things I've never heard about or thought deeply enough about. But, in practice, reading my Tumblr dashboard feels like dipping my feet in that vat of slurry I mentioned: It's very time-consuming and a lot of the stuff I see I don't really "need" in my life.

This six-week experiment has actually helped me to realize that, going forward, I should be looking to use social media less in my life, not more. It isn't just all-consuming and energy-draining; it has become kind of evil over the years. Tumblr isn't nearly as bad as some of the worst offenders, but on the whole we're slowly being pushed to use these services in very particular ways, ways which degrade us, and it's nefarious. Not just the abuse of our personal information and privacy, but the way we spend our time and think about the world. Social media seems to be making society actively worse on the whole, and that's down to the profit motives of the people who make the rules about how these services operate. It's probably not a coincidence that Tumblr, as one of the least-problematic major social networks, is also not particularly profitable.

I have lamented for years that I wish we would go back to individual people's websites and enthusiast–owned-and-operated message forums. I really think that this viewpoint is not just my nostalgia glasses talking; I think the individual websites paradigm was a better way of experiencing the Internet and interacting with each other. But while I can't do much to change society's patterns in general, I can at least be deliberate about how I engage with social media myself. And I think I'm going to be doing less of that as time goes on.

My actual public face is my Live Journal, even though it has languished for years. Either it or some successor blog is likely to be an ongoing constant for the rest of my life. I hope people will gradually find me there.

The Long Game

You're not gonna build an audience in six weeks. I know that. Also, in my time here, I've only done one of the two things that one needs to do to build an audience on social media: I've created content. I think my content has been more or less decent. (You can tell me if you think otherwise.)

What I haven't done is heavily engage with other content creators. I haven't done many reblogs; I've done zero asks; and I don't follow other tumblrs in a businesslike mindset of network—I only follow the ones I think I might like to read.

If I were to continue, the next step in my trial period would be a 3-month experiment. I've had enough success here in the past six weeks to justify dedicating another three months of my life to daily Tumblr posts if I want.

In that time I would need to focus more on the "networking" side of social networking. On the content side, I would continue trying to figure out what people like to see and what they don't. But it's the networking stuff that would be next in line for my full attention.

I'm also aware that all of my data are biased by the small size of my audience and the nonrandom composition of it. There is a danger in optimizing for that, from a long-term scalability and optimization standpoint. My social networking efforts would have to be geared toward diversifying my audience as much as growing it, because the truth of the matter is that I don't know yet who "my" audience truly is. Most of the people here now are people who are here because they like other creators and respected those people's recommendations—not because they necessarily like my art. The poor showing of my posts discussing my art kind of speak to that point.

So the question is, do I have a 3-month trial period in me? Or even just another 6-week period?

And that's a really tough question. I need to be writing my books, and I need to be paying my rent, and when I'm here on Tumblr I'm not doing either of those things. The best-case scenario is that by being here I'm setting myself up to pay future rents and have more available time for future creative writing. But in the meantime there are rents coming due in the immediate future, and my mental bandwidth is sickly and limited.

Is Tumblr even the place to build my audience? It might not be! It might be YouTube. It probably is YouTube. But Tumblr isn't nothing, and writing short essays is a hell of a lot faster than producing videos. A few loyal Tumblr followers might be just the pop I would need to get a future YouTube effort off to a running start.

One of my flaws as an entrepreneur is that I hate thinking like one when it comes to this whole sales / engagement / audience-building / marketing stuff. I like thinking about people as people, not as economic partners whose tastes and needs I must carefully accommodate to in order to hopefully earn a living from this someday. And I don't like thinking about my own content here as "content." I hate that word. But I am under no illusions about why I am here. I am not here for fun. I've done my Live Journal "for fun" for twenty years (as of last month!) and I have no audience to show for it. Growing an audience is not about having fun. Bonus points if you can manage to have fun along the way, but what it's really about is giving people an experience that they enjoy and want more of.

Social media is a hungry beast, a dehumanizing force (in my view), and an algorithmic rat race. I would much rather create content on my own terms, rather than try to play the social media game. This is one of the many reasons why I am so bad at the whole marketing side of building a business. Successful entrepreneurs dive right into it and give the people what they want. Like that "emotional damage" mate on YouTube: He gave an interview talking about how he just tried different schticks, not even comedy per se, until he found something that worked on people.

In an ideal world, when my next book is finished I could just press a button and everyone in the world know about its existence, and everyone who is interested could buy it and read it. But in the real world, you have to peck and scrape your way to attention, and I'm just so bad at this that it discourages me from even making the attempt.

So, adding it all up, what I come up with is that it would be wasteful for me to just abruptly give up on Tumblr as suddenly as I returned to it. I've started a ball rolling here, and I can build on that beginning if I want. But I also don't think that people need to hear from me on a daily basis. I'm probably not doing myself any favors by posting effortful content every day, not just in terms of my own sustainability but in terms of the algorithms of Tumblr and the mental bandwidth of my readers.

So I've come to the conclusion that Tumblr is probably not where my audience is going to be built, if indeed I ever manage to build one. But there is some potential here, and, more importantly, this is where the vast majority of my current fans are.

Ergo, going forward I will be reducing my posting frequency to a target of once or twice per week, plus whatever extras I see fit to add. I will continue to test out different types of content to see what catches interest. And I will start playing that social networking game that I dread so much, and try to engage more with others and hawk myself far and wide without looking like I'm trying to hawk myself, because for all that we claim to live in an age of sincerity we absolutely don't, and we will see where things go.

I will revisit this at Halloween, and see how I feel about it.

In the meantime, I will try to take some of this bandwidth I am freeing up and allocate it to other audience-building work. More on that as I have it for you!

If you made it this far, thanks for reading and for giving me some of your time. Please please please do give me some feedback if there's anything you want to know or want to see me discuss.

[wexarethewalkingxdead]

🍍 - What is an event that seemed of minor consequence to them when it occurred, but ended up impacting their life/development in a bigger way? (for Shane)

🍑 - Describe a bad day they recently experienced (not necessarily dramatic/tragic) and how they handled it. Did they break down? Did they withdraw? (for Carol)

🍎 - What is a hobby or interest that they would be distressed over losing access to? I.e a dancer who breaks their leg for months, etc. How would they cope? (for Charley)

random headcanons - @lunarruled

🍑 - Describe a bad day they recently experienced (not necessarily dramatic/tragic) and how they handled it. Did they break down? Did they withdraw?

Carol's bad days always consist of not being able to get away from the overwhelming grief of losing her children. She basically shuts down emotionally and needs something to keep her mind busy so she usually goes out and kills walkers or goes on a supply run for something that someone has been asking for or wanting with no regard to her own personal safety. On the rare occasion that she does break down over it, she does it privately. She cannot have anyone pity her for any reason. She would rather be in her grief by herself. Sometimes she allows Daryl to see her. And even more rarely, Rick has witnessed it.

🍍 - What is an event that seemed of minor consequence to them when it occurred, but ended up impacting their life/development in a bigger way?

That would be when Charley struggled in middle school to do well in school. They had one-on-one tutoring and that teacher, Ms. Taylor, changed their whole outlook on school and learning and caused them to want to be a teacher as they got older. They didn't know it at the time, but once they reached high school, they realized that if it wasn't for her, they wouldn't have the desire to teach children much like they had been.

🍎 - What is a hobby or interest that they would be distressed over losing access to? I.e a dancer who breaks their leg for months, etc. How would they cope?

Shane's only hobby would be weapons. And by weapons, I mean guns of various kinds. He learned a lot of random information about different types and styles of guns so that he could help those who came to him learn their weapon better and more safely. Ammunition being low has forced him to not be able to help properly train others because you can't waste what you can't replace. So he copes by learning other different weapons for hand-to-hand combat and taking out walkers.

[onlyswan]

Hiii Art!! How have you been and how's your work/studies whatever it is that you do. Good? Eh? Well mine's kinda on a dry and wet mode rn lol.

Mind if I rant here?

I have 2wk worth of exams coming up and I have no motivation to study. I honestly regret taking up the course im studying for. I mainly took it up because its lucrative and helpful in today's economy. But honestly I should have just pursued 14yo Lyfie's dream to become a nurse. It wouldve been so much more rewarding🥲🥲🥲.

Anyways despite that im just praying my gpa doesnt go down the drain, and im gulity right now because i wasted the whole day doing nothimg even though i told myself to go study. I couldnt do it. I just......well i knew what i was doing was bad but everytime i looked at my notes i felt as if i knew them all, and in the end achieved nothing. Sigh i hate myself for how repetitve this unhealthy cycle has become. Parental pressure isnt helping either. I try ranting and they say its just momentary tiredness and it would go away soon and then further guilt me into wasting time :((((.

Wow that became long. Im so sorry for litterally trauma dumping on you, especially if tou had a long day. It would be the last thing you'd wanna worry about 😂😂😂

Anyways i wanted to ask you about your writing, both as a fellow fic author and as loyal reader of yours. What inspires you to write?

(I.e set time aside to write your fics and even feel motivated to open up that document? I have so many plot bunnies, headcanons and fic ideas, but no matter how enticing, everytime i try opening up my google docs, that burst of excited energy saps away. Urgh its so frustrating!!😠)

And for your fics, we had possible teases of engagement btwn jk and oc and even f2l hopelessly pining jk and oc. So i was wondering will we ever get a confession scene 👀👀👀?

I rmbr when jk ssid somewhr in an interview where he would love to lift his partner up and kiss them and my mind went str to the in which couple lol knowing your writing and since its jk its gonna be so cute cheesy and gonna involve tears 😇.

Funny enough i also know that both oc and jk are heavy on respecting e/o be it space or privacy, and when i heard Twice MISAMO's Do Not Touch song which was about consent and it was potryaed beautifully compared to art masterpeices, it got me thinking about their initial stages of skin ship or how they got comfortable around e/o physically or even their first time. Idk im just so invested in this universe lol 😭😂

Hmmm, but thats it for now. I'll reach out to you soon!!! :D

-Lyf

hiii lyf <3 work is draining and some customers are rude but my co-workers are fun to be with so it’s alright 🥲 uni also started this week and it’s nerve wracking but also soooo exciting !! i’m just gonna need some time to adjust to this new life + schedule 😬

i’m so sorry to hear that beloved :( i’m sure with the given the circumstances that you chose what you thought would be best for you at that time and i think it’s important that you recognize that too !! 🫂 and yesyes studying is so freaking difficult especially when you don’t feel motivated >:( for me personally time management has been pretty helpful. i love schedules ^^ sometimes i do house chores first to get my brain into work mode too and i give myself little rewards during break times (which are sooo important) or after studying hehe like snacks or screen time !! please look after yourself and your health. 🥺

dw i’m mostly fine with you guys ranting about stuff like school !! because same !! but i’m just putting it out there that when it’s abt triggering stuff i have to restrain myself 🥲 i don’t reply to those because it really affects me badly mentally too :(

hmmm when it comes to inspiration to write 🤔 like i said i do love schedules hehe i open a draft every night before bed + in my notes i also save words/phrases/scenarios that pop in my mind throughout the day but couldn’t write yet :D but i don’t really get to write everyday bcs i’m too tired or nothing just comes out. sometimes i only write one sentence or one paragraph then pass out lol. on a good day i finish one scene and maybe start writing the next too !! a jungkook weverse live will always 100% give me a big rush of motivation tho 🤭

and i doooo want to explore the earlier stages of oc and jungkook’s relationship 🥹🥹🥹 i have many many plans !! but i just want them to be perfect so it might take me a while </3 this is still a long journey if y’all are up for it hehe thank you so much for being invested in our little iw universe !! 🥰 it truly means the world to me that i get to enjoy my passion like this :") ilysm lyf 🫂

[jambrandwich]

This is more of a "fact of life" thing than an aromantic thing, I'd say.

I mean, even if you HAVE romantic interest, these things still happen; People who have their best friend of several years as roommates, the friend find a partner and move in with them. Or the friend finds a new job and has to move closer to that job. Hell, not to mention how common it is to hear stories of parents feeling lonely and depressed after their kids have moved out. Life happens to everyone and with that, people come into your life and leave your life. That's just how it is.

However, just because they aren't there physically or as often anymore, it's not the end of the world and definitely not your friendship if you don't want it to be.

Everyone has a phone, nowadays. You could always give them a call or a message occasionally to see how things are going. I have a few friends I only talk to like, once in a blue moon and meeting them IRL is a financial impossibility, but we're still good friends despite the time gap. If your friend still live closeby, maybe you could set up a movie or game night. All good things come in three, so if they bring their partner, you could try befriending them and become a trio of friends. And I mean, they are partners. If they wanna have a date night with just the two of them, that's understandable. There will be other days for you to hang out. If they live far away, same thing, but online (if you both have a computer, of course).

All that said, I totally agree that our views about being single are stupid as hell. This whole mentality of "only being whole if-" or "aren't someone unless" you have a partner is pretty problematic. Even the "lone wolf" saying is referring to how without a pack, a wolf is likely to die, which is also a very bleak look on being single or alone, but being alone can be a great opportunity to figure yourself out and learn to love yourself.

I come from a very abusive home where, due to having 5 siblings, I pretty much never had the opportunity to be alone. After a particularly bad fight with my parents, I ended up homeless for a while (crashing at a friend's place which I'm still very grateful for) until I found myself an apartment.

For the first time in my then 23 years of life, I was completely alone. And for the first time, I was able to hold a train of thought without distraction. This gave me time to figure out who I was, what I wanted and most importantly, how to live with myself; My own thoughts, why I am me and whatever that entails. Nowadays, 7 years later, I'm happy enough being by myself both physically and mentally (and social statusially). Of course, I still have and want friends and will cherish the time I get with them, because once again: life happens, but you have to learn to love and cherish the time you have alone with your friend's friend, too. i.e. you, because you ain't ever getting away from that bastard.

tl;dr - I understand the worry, but we all have lives, which means things are always subject to change, no matter if you've got romantic interest or not, but we need to learn to adapt and grow with these changes or else we'll waste our very limited time on this earth just being miserable.

And yes, our society's views on being single is fucked up and needs to change. Learn to love yourself and being by yourself as much as you love your friend(s) and being with them, 'cause ya can't get away from yourself.

being on the aro spectrum would be a lot easier if being single wasn't made to feel like a literal death sentence

[misterellyott]

In June I started working overnights at a small, but beautiful resort.

It has 22 rooms and is outside the city surrounded by a vineyard owned by the same person who owns the resort.

On the outside looking in and even in pictures, it's absolutely beautiful. It's got a large man made lake, for the vineyard, it's got a decent sized yard with plenty of grass, a heated swimming pool, and a stunning view of the surroundings.

However, working here hasn't always been the most fun someone could have working for a hotel.

We are constantly short staffed, mostly due to our upper management letting go of the hotel manager and not making any active steps to hire a new one. And not really taking any steps to hire for understaffed positions, housekeeping and cooks.

At first the overnight position was amazing. It's super simple, easy to get the hang of. And with some of my free time at night I have expanded and taken on some tasks that weren't my responsibly.

However, now due to them being short staffed in housekeeping they are trying to shadily slowly but surely pass off a lot of their tasks to me.

Such as, taking out all trashes in the kitchen and bathrooms, keeping the bathrooms stocked with toilet paper/paper towels/hand soap, sweep the bathrooms, make sure the bar is clean, and to sometimes do dishes in the kitchen.

While I very much believe in being a team player, i.e. helping when other coworkers are sick, or seeing something I could easily do real quick to make one less task for the next shift, etc.

I am not about to take on a housekeeping roll without extra pay. The amount of tasks they are slowly piling on me will begin to eat away at all my time I have for my other tasks that I have to do at night in order to make sure the day shift runs smoothly.

Sure, I still have a few down time moments, but most my night is constant motion. I sit for maybe a combined hour at most.

If they don't want to pay me more, than they either need to move some of my tasks, like polishing the silverware and rolling them into napkins, setting up the coffee bar, putting ice in the bar, making the coffee/hot water, watering the flowers, folding the pool towels and putting them out, putting the dirty pool towels in the laundry room, etc, on to other shifts.

I'm not a one man show. Sure, I could cut out some of my time by not walking out to the bungalows and use the golf cart instead, but I enjoy the time walking in the night in the cool weather instead of being cooped up in the hot as hell buildings.

But, the fact remains. More work requires more pay. I'm happy to help out in as many ways as I can that don't take me over 15-20 minutes, but I'm not about to take on tasks that could add well over 2 hours of work a night and still be expected to make the same paycheck.

That being said, I have begun looking for a different overnight job in the event that my boss tries to fire me for not taking on these addition tasks due to his unwillingness to ensure that they have enough housekeeping to do them.

I absolutely hate job hunting, it's mentally exhausting. I've been here three months and really thought that this place was going to be a wonderful job that I could stay long term as they have really good health insurance as well.

But the whole place is slowly going downhill every day.

From serving hand made scones and muffins, which were amazing, to the premade just pop in the oven kind that taste like shit.

To dishwashers that can't even properly sort and get the silverware ready for me to polish at night so I have to waste a ton of time sorting them into their proper containers in order to even begin polishing and folding them.

To lazy coworkers that refuse to pick up after guests leaving me spending a good chunk of time collecting all the used plates and glasses and doing their dishes, when they had more than three hours to have done so.

To other coworkers complaining that my polishing job isn't good enough and I need to do better before folding them, even though I take my time and polish every single one sometimes taking over two hours to do.

And now them trying to pawn off housekeeping jobs onto the night shift.

I don't know where to go from here other than find another job.

I don't have time to sit down and speak with my boss when he is here about everything as he gets here long after I'm already home and in bed before going to my day job.

Now, to find the time for interviews. yay.

[ketchupwithmyinspirations]

An Opinion No One Asked For 😬

Yeah it's going to regard Hwasa's recent controversy. I felt compelled to have this on record since I heard today's readings of fraternal correction, and I think the conversation lacks some nuance. First, if you want to read/see what Hwasa did that's making her the talk of South Korea, click here, BUT if you're sensitive to have awareness of it, don't bother.

I think this conversation should have just stayed as an individualized citizen matter. Let the people decide whether they want Hwasa to continue doing that or not; continue inviting her to events or not. Just turn away bro. Hwasa's act isn't worth to be called the cops over and waste 3 hours of her time being interrogated. You can't force people to be decent no matter how powerful you are. That’s not love.

What’s also not love, is the dishonesty in calling something out as vulgar equates to attacking the person's body. Everyone is made in, from, and for goodness (by God). It's disappointing that Hwasa's musical response to the controversy is to release a song called "I Love My Body". Sure, loving your body is good within reasons, but it can also be used disorderly, which is what her move did. Hwasa, her song, and audiences who blindly support the superficial message misses the point of what some people are criticizing her about, being Hwasa's suggestive gesture entertains or plants lustful thoughts. Someone actually explain to me how her gesture can be read as anything else but lustful. Does this not fall under the male gaze theory that some of you complain about? I don't understand how objectifying yourself makes you any less objectified by others...? Other than that, we should also be charitable in correcting people like Hwasa: with compassion, kindness, and truth. Actual rude comments that made Hwasa cry is also not the way to go to change someone's heart to good.

I have yet to find the official site of the civic group that reported Hwasa, but some are calling it a super religious group, possibly even Catholic. So that's the only reason I care about this (too much) in the first place. If true, I would see this civic group as simply correcting Hwasa as a sister in Christ. She has claimed that she is Catholic ("on the outside") as she used her baptism name as an alter ego accompanied by the song, "Maria" (but she admits she isn't practicing and leans towards universalism). I've noticed that in her "I Love My Body" promo/mv, Hwasa wears a few rosaries around her neck, possibly in reference to the civic group that reported her? It's quite tiring to see siblings in Christ debauch the faith for the sake of "art" and approval of the world (i.e Halsey).

I do agree to most online comments pointing out that Hwasa seems to be the only one getting such heavy handed action against her for the suggestive move, when a bunch of male idols do just as much but nothing happens to them. Where was this civic group before Hwasa? I personally don't go hunting for male kpop fancams anymore because I grew very cautious in watching performances these days.

TLDR: I love Hwasa, I view her highly, so I want her to be for good, and this whole thing blew up way more than necessary.

[eyrieofsynapses]

Redemption Panel Highlights and Reactions

GATORS

i.e., Beth Riesgraf and Christian Kane (mostly Beth) talking about filming the scenes in (what I presume is) The Rollin’ on the River Job, where they’re pulling some stuff out of the water, and finding out the next day that there was an absolutely massive alligator pulled out of the same place just a little while after they filmed it

Beth’s impression of the wildlife folks warning them about the alligators

Beth scaring the hell out of Noah Wyle by yelling “GATOR” at him just after he finished his scene

seriously that was an absolutely WILD part of the panel

Everyone showering Aleyse Shannon with literally all the love!

Aldis Hodge in particular big-brothering her, and also the older actors calling her out for not giving herself enough credit, and Dean Devlin talking about how she blew him away at the auditions with her ability to turn on a dime

Seeing Kane with his glasses off wiping at his eyes, momentarily thinking “you okay dude?” and then realizing that he was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes

(same)

The The Bucket Job clip! I’ve been a bit meh on a lot of Redemption, just in how it didn’t feel quite right, but that is possibly the absolute closest I’ve seen it get to the original in the best way. Brilliant

Which comes as no surprise since BETH RIESGRAF directed the episode!!! And apparently put an insane amount of effort in!

Beth’s utter delight and joy at both directing the episode and having the crew behind her

THE CHAIR

So apparently she and Christian went to town on the fight scene and he winds up tied up in a chair somewhere along the line and there’s a whole wild scene, which I am really looking forward to

Beth knowing how insanely particular he’d be about things like zip ties vs rope and what kind of rope e.t.c. e.t.c.

Apparently this is also tied into a VERY DEEP scene with Eliot? It sounds like they’re going to go super hard on his backstory, which is terrifyingly exciting

Just. Beth and Christian going very hard on that episode together

Speaking of: the panel’s going amazingly, I’m laughing so hard my stomach hurts, things are relatively light, and then, of fucking course—

Kane hitting us over the head about Eliot being a mass murderer who can’t be redeemed, is trying to stay static so that he can maintain the place he’s in, and is thus LIVING VICARIOUSLY THROUGH HARRY

What the FUCK. This is of course incredibly insightful and perfectly on point (because it’s Kane) but also, EXCUSE ME, OUCH, why would you DO THAT to us?

Everyone talking about having their families on set and their kids!

Beth’s son growing up on the original Leverage set and now going into being a director himself!

Gina’s daughter also growing up on set!

Noah Wyle’s daughter is playing Harry’s daughter I REPEAT NOAH WYLE’S ACTUAL DAUGHTER IS PLAYING AS HARRY’S DAUGHTER

Gina Bellman remaining relatively stoic throughout much of the panel (seriously, this woman, how the heck does she do it) and then losing it when they’re asked about running/inside jokes

A lot of them are, of course, apparently not appropriate to be spoken on-panel

(A lot of the others are the little inside ones that are special enough not to be ones they want to share, which is sweet!)

Everyone collectively losing it over having LeVar Burton on for The Bucket Job

Devlin and everyone laughing about collecting the various Star Trek people on Leverage

Beth talking about Burton coming over while she’s getting ready and asking her if she’s living on coffee and water, her laughing because he was absolutely right, and then him gently reminding her to remember to eat, which is the sweetest thing in the world oh my gods

Kane apparently choreographing an intense scene with Burton and being scared out of his mind, because Burton really wanted to go for it, but to Kane it was like he’s a figurine that’s not to be messed with because he was so worried about hurting him

Kane choreographing a massive amount of the show, which I knew already, but seriously, this guy blows me away

Gina and the crew talking about how he’d be away for a day of shooting a fight and all of them would be missing him and thinking about him

Family Vibes

Everyone talking about how they’re very noisy and loud together on set and it’s a bit like walking into a group of people having Christmas dinner (or something to that effect) because they’re just Like That together

Aleyse being the most surprised by Beth when she met her because she was like a little angel of light during the auditions but turned out to be an absolute ball of wild energy on set

Gina going “wait you were a MODEL” at Beth

Aldis talking about how much he loved how Parker and Hardison’s relationship had developed and grown!

Also, Aldis apologizing when the New York (iirc) background noise got loud and everyone going “no no we get you”

His outfit is ON POINT today

Gina saying that Christian is the goofiest and wildest out of them in terms of humor

(she goes “some of you may not know this,” which, fair, but also, if you’ve seen more than ten minutes of this guy outside of character you know he’s an absolute ball of sunshine)

Gina, Beth, and Christian talking about how they’d challenge each other to stay off sweets back on the original set, because they knew they needed to stay in shape and also just because they’re competitive (apparently all of them are major sweet tooths) and hide brownies and things from each other, while Aldis is just. doing pushups. eating all the healthy stuff. and then wanders into the room with a literal cupful of chocolates

(and Aldis going “well yeah I have to work off the sweets SOMEHOW”)

Beth explaining that sometimes they’d order a “Kane burrito” from Christian and he’d alter it slightly

Like, you know, chopping up hot jalapenos super fine and mixing them in, and Beth practically not being able to talk after the first bite

Apparently Aldis still went back a lot even after that

(Christian just seems very pleased with himself over it)

(THESE PEOPLE)

Gina goes “hey we should have an episode where we all swap roles,” Devlin going “WAIT FOR SEASON ONE TO BE DONE,” and then somebody (maybe the moderator?? I don’t remember exactly) going “uh actually. We did that”

Cue immediate scramble of “WAIT WHICH JOB WAS THAT”

(paraphrasing) “Yeah you remember the bit where you put on Parker’s harness and went off a building?”

Turns out half the cast had actually forgotten that that existed and only remember when reminded

The original cast all think of the episodes as “jobs”!!!!

Everyone talking over each other, Devlin going “it was with Sterling when we blew up the offices,” deciding that it was the season one finale, and then trying to figure out what episode title it was (eventually they figure out it’s the David jobs)

Moderator and Devlin accurately commenting that the fans know the show much better than they do

Noah Wyle very correctly explaining how Electric Entertainment is like a family and Devlin just. Keeps people

Aleyse and Aldis talking about typing when they’re hacking and going “WHAT THE HECK DO WE TYPE”

Aldis goes “yeah I just type all the bad words that we’re not allowed to say”

Aleyse saying that she’s always a little worried they’re hiding a Word document behind the blue screen and they’re going to pull up what she’s typing at the end of the day and print it out and put it in her trailer going “what the HECK is this”

Noah talking about filming The Golf Job and just getting to direct Jason Marsters and Christian together

Apparently their dynamic in that episode accurately mirrors the one with their characters in Angel!

Which promptly goes straight to the comment that it was very hard to make Marsters look like a golfer (pfft)

(Also apparently Christian plays golf for fun with his friends? Not necessarily something I would’ve thought of!)

Aleyse happily talking about how she loved the dynamic on set and it was very different from what she was used to

Also Aleyse talking about doing stunts and everyone else praising her for going whole hog

Beth especially praising her for the bit where she’s hit with the paralysis injection (I don’t remember which ep it’s from) and her acting for it, because it was incredibly hard to drop off screen in the particular way she did

Aleyse promptly answers that she was terrified with some of those, especially one where she had to keep a clock from falling and breaking

Everyone discussing how they see a new aspect of Breanna’s character in The Train Job

Also, to get serious for a moment, Kate Rorick in particular talks about how Breanna’s part of Gen Z and how we didn’t get the “days of yore” where everything was chill. We’ve basically been living in a world of hostility the whole time. It’s something I deeply appreciate, as someone who’s part of that group, and I love how they emphasize that for us.

This panel was pure chaos and I loved every moment of it! My stomach was actually hurting from laughing so hard, I swear. They had me cackling well over half the time. I would happily take panels double or triple the length of this, this was amazing. I also adore how the second you drop these six people in a room together, they immediately take off and literally just run and give you everything you wanted and more. (It is also evidently very hard to get them to STOP talking.)

I’m also just going to stop and take a second to fawn over the effects for the 3D room. It’s gorgeous—I love how they replicated the headquarters, especially with the stained glass ceilings! Super impressive, especially with all the photos, and I just love the whole thing. Kudos to whoever put that together.

Anyway, I’m definitely missing some stuff too; seriously, there wasn’t a second wasted in this thing, they were cracking some kind of joke or dropping some really interesting piece of information practically every thirty seconds. (And I haven’t even gotten into the clips OR the bloopers. I miiiight do a separate reaction purely for those.) It’s still up right now if you missed it and you want to watch it! I’ll probably watch it again, honestly.

[unfoundhoney]

a sister’s sacrifice ; part two ↠

↠ platonic!c!sleepy bois inc x fem!reader , platonic!c!tubbo x fem!reader ; angst with a minuscule amount of fluff

↠ masterlist

↠ part one ; part two ; part three ;

↠ @leafyturtle @basheverythingyesterday @terribletoothbat

after all is said and done

after l’manberg is left half-ruined but still breathing

after techno runs off

after tommy and tubbo take seats in the cabinet

after wilbur has been killed by phil

after it all, you leave

you leave l’manberg & the rest of the server & refuse to pick a side

you move to a dark oak forest & build a little cottage for yourself hidden among the trees

you’re tired

you’re so so tired of everything & you just want to be at peace

of course, you could never fully leave everything

you’re still visited by your brothers (those that are left) & your friends

you help niki with her flower shop & various other building projects

you remain out of any political affairs tommy & tubbo are involved in

but you still spend most of your time alone in the woods

you’re content living like this

are you happy with the way your life has turned out?

god no

but you can live with being content

& then ghostbur shows up

(ghostbur) hello! are you the y/n phil keeps talking about?

you wanna talk about trauma?

let’s talk about being approached out of nowhere in the middle of the woods while mushroom hunting by your DEAD BROTHER and a blue sheep on a leash

what the f u c

(you, bewildered) ...will?

(ghostbur) i’m not wilbur. not the one you knew. i’m ghostbur! are you y/n? you look like phil described & i haven’t managed to find any other houses hidden in the dark oak forest.

this is... great

ghostbur becomes quite attached to you

will had distanced himself while living in pogtopia as his mental state deteriorated

it seems ghostbur is fulfilling the closeness alivebur wishes to have had maintained with you

.......

cool

this is fine

it’s totally fine

ghostbur visits you often

even though you know it’s not really your wilbur, it’s nice in some odd way to have a version of wilbur still around

it’s through ghostbur that you learn of tommy’s exile, long after it had happened

it seems no one wanted a protective mama bear y/n sent after them, so during your brief visits to the main residential areas, talk of tommy’s exile was conventiently never a conversation piece

you just figured he was busy or distracted or avoiding you like a moody teen

then ghostbur hands you a small letter one day

(you) what’s this?

(ghostbur) it’s an invitation to tommy’s beach party. he’s been quite lonely in exile

(you) quite lonely in what now

ghostbur fills you in as best as his little ghost brain can on what’s happened with tommy & burning down geroge’s house & tubbo exiling him

what do you mEAN TUBBO EXILED TOMMY????

WTFFFFF??????!!!

CAN YOU GET A BREAK????!!!?!?!?

WHAT ARE THESE IDIOT CHILDREN DOING

you’re the only person to get an invite

you watch from afar, wary of approaching your youngest brother with dream so close

you wait for dream to leave before going to him

(you) tommy?

(tommy) ...y/n!

you catch him in a hug without hesitation

(tommy) i knew you’d come

(you) tommy, i’m so sorry. i had no idea you’d even been exiled or i would have visited you immediately-... are you okay?

tommy is so....

he’s so.......

worn down

his clothes are torn & dirty, he has bags under his eyes

he’s thinner than he used to be, which is very concerning as he’s always been a bit of a walking stick

he just looks so tired

the usual fire that burns behind his eyes whether in anger or mischief or just happiness is nonexistent

(tommy) what?

(you) are you okay? i’d been worried because i hadn’t seen you around and- god, i’m so sorry. i should’ve looked for you or asked about you but i just assumed and now this and-... tom?

tommy just starts crying

because he thought you’d stopped caring about him too

he thought everyone stopped caring about him

but you’re here & you’re concerned & you’re as caring as usual

he buries his face in your shoulder & just cries his little heart out

you hold him and pet his hair and just let him cry

(you) tommy

(tommy) yeah?

(you) come home with me

(tommy) what?

(you) come home with me. you can live with me for the time being & we’ll get this sorted out, okay?

you’d seen how manipulative dream was being even in the short time you’d watched him & your brother, so it takes some convincing but soon tommy has packed his things & is heading out with you back to your home in the dark oak forest

you spend a while nursing him back to health, both physically & mentally

it’s truly heartbreaking having to recondition him out of the dependent mindset on dream

it also pisses you the fuck off but you focus your energy on tommy, not on revenge

tommy tries many times to convince you to come back

to go back to l’manberg & “plant the seed of rebellion”

which wasn’t even call for an actual rebellion, just that you could go back & raise hell about your littlest brother being exiled & demand he be allowed back

but time & time again you refuse

you are content staying away from everything & remaining out of conflict

tommy is very much not

so you lead him to techno’s new home

(you) don’t cause too much trouble for him

(tommy) he blew up l’manberg!

(you) wilbur blew up l’manberg. techno just tried to kill the government

you leave him there & head back home

do you get a moderately angry visit a few days later from techno, who eventually agrees to helping tommy upon your asking?

possibly

you’re not present when tommy & techno sneak onto the smp

you’re not there when tommy & tubbo fight

or during the doomsday war when techno, phil, & dream lay waste to l’manberg once and for all

you’re aware, yes

you’re around, you’re in the know

you just remain out of conflict & out of sight

you’re also not there to say goodbye to tommy & tubbo as they head off for their final battle with dream

that little tidbit you weren’t caught up on, too busy wallowing in your own self misery & crying over your broken family

but ghostbur comes to visit that day

(ghostbur) hello, y/n!

(you) hello, ghostbur. it’s nice to see you

(ghostbur) you, as well! would you like some blue

(you) no. thank you.

(ghostbur) i sure do hope tommy & tubbo come back alright

(you) come back from what?

you were expecting “a trip to the nether,” “a journey to a new woodland mansion,” “a search for sunken ships”

instead, you get:

(ghostbur) their final battle with dream. they set off not too long ago

(you) ........if you’ll excuse me

you head off immediately, tracking tommy & tubbo despite all odds

you do not care, those are your brothers & they are not dying on your watch to dream of all people

they may have been told it’s a battle

they may think they have a chance

but this is dream we’re talking about

you know a trap when you see one

you climb up the mountainside as stealthily as possible

you arrive just in time to hear tubbo’s screams as he is cornered and killed by dream, losing his second canon life

tommy seems to be beat into submission as dream threatens to kill tubbo a final time, who respawns defenseless without any of his items

dreams leads them down into the mountain, villain monologuing the whole way

dramatic bitch

you jump down after them, tired of hearing him threaten your brothers

(you) i think you’ve said enough, dream

(dream) there you are. i was beginning to wonder when mama bear would show up

you put yourself between dream and your brothers

(you) you won’t hurt them anymore. i’m taking them & we’re leaving

(dream) i don’t think that’s up to you, y/n

(you) we’ll see

you take the first swing at dream, landing a clean hack at his shoulder with your axe

but again

this is dream we’re talking about

you’ve never been the most talented fighter & dream is second only to technoblade

i.e. you never stood a chance

but all reason went out the window when it comes to saving your brothers

soon you’re backed against a wall, dream’s axe at your throat

(dream) well this was a waste of time

(you) you’re a monster

(dream) thanks

(you) you think distancing yourself from everyone & everything will work? trust me, it doesn’t. it doesn’t matter how far away you move or how much you push those you love away, those feelings will always be there

dream considers you for a moment

you hope he at least has no satisfaction as you stare back in defiance

you’re unafraid; coming down here was a death sentence & yet you still jumped in headfirst

(dream) maybe for someone like you. but i’m not like you. i don’t care about anything or anyone on this server. i’m not burdened by attachment & i will never be again.

(you) i pity you, dream

(dream) pity me in hell

dreams draws his arm back & swings his axe down

you will lose your final canon life to dream, for your brothers

it’s always for your brothers

as much as you think you should hate them, hate everyone for everything that has happened to you

you can’t

they’re your family

you’ll love them infinitely

tubbo gasps in shock & tommy gives a yell of protest

you know they love you, too

you close your eyes

dream’s axe meets your neck

and you’re gone

[remcycl333]

trust. it is done

affirmations are literally such a great technique, but after a while, i do start to feel myself using them desperately. i begin thinking that if i loop my affirmations long enough, if i say them with enough force or feeling, i’ll get what i want. when really, this just isn’t true.

personally i think of affirmations more like reassurances to yourself that you have what you want. it’s a reminder that omg, sp is my boyfriend! i have my desired face! i have x amount of money! your subconscious mind knows what you want. it wants to give it to u. it does. but if you’re saying your affirmations in a way that really just reaffirms that you don’t have it, i.e. being/feeling desperate, saying them in hopes that they’ll bring you what you want, etc., then pause. and maybe take a break?

i’m definitely guilty of this. sometimes i am able to just calmly affirm, knowing that what i’m affirming is already true. but sometimes i get impatient, or i feel like it’s not working, and i start affirming on a loop, desperately trying to find the “right” affirmation, driving myself crazy trying any and every thing to make my desire manifest. and it never, ever works.

but what gets me out of it every single time is...stopping. i stop affirming. 

at the end of the day, affirming is a technique. i think there’s kinda a debate on here on whether or not that’s true. yes, affirmations are just thoughts. but if you had your desire in your 3D right now, would you be affirming for it? no. you’d have thoughts, of course, and your thoughts would obviously line up with having your desire. but, for instance, if you got back together with your sp, and you were in a happy relationship with them, six months into your relationship would you be sitting there, when really you could just be enjoying your day, saying in your mind “sp is texting me sp wants to be with me sp can’t stop thinking about me” ?? no. you wouldn’t.

so yes, at the end of the day, affirming is a technique. a helpful one, for sure! it’s gotten me a lot of success. but i’ve definitely noticed myself begin to rely on it. but i don’t know about you, but i don’t want the rest of my life to be me affirming all day every day. i want to think about other things and not feel guilty that i’m not saying my affirmations. i don’t want to feel like i’m wasting my time playing video games or reading or watching netflix that i “should be using to manifest.” cuz we’ve been manifesting our whole lives. it is supposed to be easy. and natural. we aren’t supposed to let it consume our entire lives.

so back to what i was saying earlier about how i’ve stopped saying my affirmations. i stop affirming when i feel it taking over my life. if i had my desire, i wouldn’t be affirming for it 24/7. it would just be in my life, easy and natural, and i wouldn’t be scared to death that if i stopped affirming it would go away. no. i want stability. 

it’s not “letting go” or “giving up”, it’s saying, i am so confident that this is mine that i no longer feel the need to desperately manifest it in. i know it’s coming. i trust myself. i trust that my subconscious--or the universe, as i like to refer to it--is bringing it to me right now. the change is occurring. things are shifting, even if i can’t see them, and it is coming to me. it is done. 

we talk about persisting a lot in this community. it’s one of the most important things when it comes to manifestation. and it applies here, too. in this case, persistence is continuing to trust yourself. to not feel anxious two days in and start desperately looping your affirmations again. to allow the universe/your subconscious mind to do the work. to remind yourself that there is always movement behind the scenes, and soon it’ll bleed into your reality. you don’t need to say your affirmations, or visualize, or script, or anything. you just need to trust.

the way i do this is i not only stop saying my affirmations, but i don’t allow myself to think about my desire at all. in my case, my desire is my sp. so i stop thinking about him entirely. and honestly, it sounds hard at first, but when you’re not spending your day obsessively saying your affirmations, you find it’s easy to think about other things. this is so helpful, because now i don’t even have to flip my negative thoughts. i find that i very rarely have them. it’s like saying your affirmations causes your logical mind to fight back and doubt yourself. but if you’re not saying them, this won’t happen.

so whenever i do find myself thinking about my desire, i shake my head and say “it is done.” and then i force myself to think about something else. anything else. some things i do to help keep my mind occupied is listen to music, read (though personally i definitely need to stop reading romance novels, as they make me think about--you guessed it--romance), watching youtube videos/netflix, play video games. i even like to affirm for other things that i have less resistance to. for instance i’ve been affirming a lot of physical appearance changes. things that i don’t feel like i desperately need. this is really helpful when i’m falling asleep cuz i’m so used to affirming myself to sleep, and it takes me a while to fall asleep so it was starting to be a struggle to not think about my desire. but now i can just affirm for appearance changes and not my sp. 

it can definitely be hard to stop thinking about it at first, especially if you’ve been trying to manifest it for a long time. trust me, i know. the other day i started accidentally saying my affirmations while i was playing animal crossing and i caught myself and my mind just went “i love animal crossing i love animal crossing i love animal crossing” on a loop instead until i could think of something else lol. but at least i wasn’t obsessing over my desire!

dylan james’ teachings on this are especially helpful. and he recommends that when you have a negative thought, don’t even flip it. just say “this is a powerless thought” and redirect your awareness. i really like this, because it 1) takes away the thought’s power, and 2) it says i’m so confident and i trust myself so. much. that “negative thoughts” do not even phase me. 

remind yourself that nothing can stop your manifestation. you are always manifesting correctly. and guys, if you’re reading this and you’re like “well affirmations work perfectly for me and i don’t obsess over them and i manifest everything i want easily”, then great! perfect! keep saying them! but if anything i said resonated with you, this post is for you. just relax. try this and see how much better you feel, almost immediately. 

++i started sleeping with the dylan james affirmations tracks again, and omfg i love them so much. if you’re manifesting an sp i recommend listening to them solely for the dreams it gives you about them! they’re so nice i love them. but also they obviously help build up your self concept, lol. i like them bc they give you results without you having to try at. all. all you have to do it sleep. lol. and hopefully knowing that they’re doing their magic will help you trust even more :)

as dylan james always says, manifesting is not a trying process. it’s just not. think about it--you’ve been manifesting your entire life. you never had to try. and you still don’t. 

i hope this resonated with some of y’all. i’m in no way saying this is the only way to manifest and affirmations are bad or whatever, cuz that’s not true at all. i’ve manifested and seen great results using affirmations. but at some point you gotta realize that your subconscious mind knows what you want, and you just have to give it some time and space to bring it to you. stop digging up the seed you planted. it’s coming. just trust. 

:) 

[daltonblaine]

'ur insane girl. as if it's a completely black & white situation and not a messy ass high school relationship with two fucked up people' !!!! THIS. i hate it when people either 100% blame blaine or 100% blame kurt in their messy situations (and 99% of the time, i see people blame blaine which pisses me off lol) bc they're both dumb and they both make mistakes and they're both just MESSY TEENS

Exactly 😭 apparently this is a hair trigger for me LOL um. some thoughts on this whole situation that no one asked for:

either type of stan/anti makes no sense to me because the fact of the matter is that blaine didn't cheat out of nowhere. was it a warranted/excusable response? absolutely not, but at least it's narratively understandable (which i value more than my fave being constantly morally pure LOL)

people say that cheating was an exceptionally nefarious & extreme response because from "what we've seen" kurt's only ignored 1 call from blaine and even "wasted his time skyping with blaine" (bitterly quoting an anti's post here LOL)

BUT i reject the idea of downplaying what both blaine & we as the audience were clearly meant to feel: a character with established abandonment issues, with no close friends around him anymore, started feeling truly abandoned

we're MEANT to feel conflicted about it because it's not a black and white situation. singularly taking the side of either kurt or blaine in this conflict makes you look ridiculous

i can understand why blaine might've cheated, but i mean. i think everyone agrees it was probably the worst choice he could've made. which, obviously, makes it impossible to take blaine's "side" in this conflict because at the end of the day cheating is cheating

but to immediately one-sidedly villainize blaine and claim kurt was completely guiltless also makes me tilt my head? it's not so cut and dry from here because some people will undoubtedly disagree with me on this, but from how i see it, klaine had already gone through this whole "what if you leave me behind" issue in s3. blaine had admitted his insecurities to kurt, who had acknowledged them and told him that they'd figure it out no matter what. and then what blaine was afraid of in s3 exactly happened once kurt left, with no proper communication from kurt's end

not so simple as "he cheated" on kurt's end, but kurt was unconsciously? doing something that was stretching thin the already-fragile balance they had on the account of blaine's established issues (and kurt faced no narrative consequences for this, i.e. we barely saw any kind of introspective kurt pov of the break up the same way we did with blaine, which i think is one of the biggest reasons why engagement era klaine didn't work out as they planned - that communication issue wasn't resolved even after they got back together)

honestly it's less of a finger-pointing blame game for me than thinking that miscommunication is klaine's biggest demon. i've talked about this before but the dichotomy of kurt & blaine's general reactions to conflict (kurt tending to pull away vs blaine tending to cling) makes communication EXTREMELY important in their relationship ... which i don't know if they really accomplish but hopefully now that they're going to therapy by s6 they got that figured out 😭

final note though - some of the standards people have for ships in fandom feel a bit shallow like if i wanted an unproblematic, conflict-free, safe ship i wouldn't be watching glee ... the morality cat fights people get into esp in regards to ships (but more often characters) have always been something i've never understood LOL i always have things to say about klaine because they're imperfect and complex. glee is an equal opportunity bad romance writer (makes all relationships fucked up on some level) LMAOO #GayRights

[merlinssassybeard]

Random

Tags- nsfw, that's it ,Period

good for you

.

You're 22

It has been few months since you got married to gojo satoru. You were now the new clan head gojo satoru's wife, aka the new lady of the gojo clan.

Your family couldn't be any more prouder of their loveliest child's achievements. You're a prolific lawyer and now the lady in the jujutsu sorcerer society's most powerful clan.

So beautiful, both of you are perfect for each other.

But as the gojo clan lady that meant you had the biggest responsibility of maintaining good relationships with everyone and producing heir. But satoru had different plans for you.

He has given you all the freedom in the world because you see, you weren't allowed to continue your professional career as a lawyer due to the orders by the elders and the gojo family itself. But your husband is just built different.

He had your back the whole time when the elders and the families were busy arguing about your future. You couldn't believe. Your eyes were fixated on him as he argued back for you.

You couldn't get him out of your head. Why is he so good? Why does he have to be?

Is this destiny thing giving you things to love only to brutally snatch it away?

Your really scared of loving him. Really you are. Traumatized with what happened the last time you loved someone with all your heart. You couldn't imagine satoru ending up as such. But he's the strongest, he'll live, won't he?

.

After you had gotten married, you were supposed to shift to the 5000sqft traditional gojo mansion in tokyo but instead satoru told you to choose a place of your choice. You both cannot move into the villa because its obviously too big but that's not the problem. You see, big houses require big staff, and since your husband is in the black list of the elders, they'd be planting spies as staff there. Of course, to keep an eye and ear whether satoru is plotting against them or not.

Its disturbing but he's here for you.

.

It had been few months since you got married. You were still doing the new duplex apartment that you had chosen while satoru had gone away for 2 months on a mission. You were lonely, you couldn't agree more on that. You wanted him here with you, to help you set both of your new place, to choose the color of carpet or the drapes, or the color of the kitchen, or even the bedroom? Anything! You wanted him, you needed him truly. You love him so much.

But then someone has to do the job too yknow so that special grades or sorcerers like you can chase their dreams, even if it meant sacrificing his own. You sighed as you thought to yourself.

.

It was evening, 8.21 pm . 2 months had gone away just like that and it was 5th december i.e the day satoru will be back, or atleast that's what he said.

You were sitting on the couch eagerly waiting for him while you watched movie on a big ass 200cm tv as you had just finished preparing dinner, spaghetti and meatballs with red wine and some sweets for him.

You heard your bell ring. You knew it!!! He's back!!!!! Without wasting a nano second you ran and opened the door and jumped onto him and he caught you as you wrapped your legs around him and kissed him deep, on the corridor, yes that too while your neighbor lady was passing by.

.

You both were happy and excited as you had settled down on the dining table and you served him the spaghetti.

"So, did you miss me or what" your husband asked as he raised his glasses to cover his eyes.

" nope not at all. Why would I?" You replied with a smirk.

" wha! Ouch. I thought you did that's why ran to me like that!"

"Oh that i did beacuse i wanted to punch you"

"Yea punching with your lips, nice."

"So! Do you like the house? I did the drapes, basically i did everything not just the drapes yknow!"

" yea, good."

" good? Is that all you gon say?"

" yea, good. White everywhere "

" there's grey too!"

"Yea. Grey too"

"Is everything alright? You seem pretty fucked up even though you took shower"

"Yea, everything's good. I'm actually happy you know."

"Tell me about it!"

You both had a long chat while dinner. And after t dinner too , you both got into bed later.

You took a deep breath before laying down. You saw satoru just laying and staring at the ceiling.

"Toru, are you alright?" You asked as you caressed his snow white hair.

Yes you call him toru in private, satoru among friends and gojo in public.

"Yeah just a headache, nothing serious" he said as he turned to you and wrapped his arms on you. You had your back to him. He was spooning you. You felt so good. You missed the warmth. His warmth.

He slid his hands under your shirt and slowly started moving his hands from your waist to your breasts. He continued this as he had his face in your hair slowly kissing your and nibbling on your earlobe. Your soft moans were getting lost in your pillow as he started circling and slightly pinching your nipple that were now erect. You couldn't bear with this brutal foreplay. You wanted him in, deep in you so you started grinding onto his solid length and took your hand and started tugging onto his boxer. He knew you wanted him. So he let you lower his boxers. As you lowered his boxers, with your other free hand you quickly slipped down your pyjamas.

"So you did miss me huh" he whispered in your ears with the most seductive tone you had ever heard. "Are you sure? Won't it hurt you?" He enquired.

"Ugh. Toru please, please my love i want you please toruu" you were literally begging him as he removed his hand from breasts to your stomach and then lower to your clit and started circling it and then he put 2 of his fingers into your wet pussy.

"Aagh...shii..it" you moaned as he started thrusting roughly his long and slender 3 fingers in and out of you. Preparing your tight little pussy for his big length.

You, out of nowhere, quickly turned to him to face him and sat up. He was startled by your movement.

You took your hand and roughly gripped his chin, his lips pouting now. You quickly sat on top of him and leaned down to kiss him. A rough kiss. Where you straight went for his tongue and after a small battle of dominance, you won!! Exploring all the places in his mouth. And as you broke off the kiss, you left a trail of saliva which you licked off of his lips with your tongue.

Satoru is quite impressed he has to say. You did miss him afterall.

"Open your shorts, quick!" You ordered him as you got out of bed to throw out your own fucking pyjama. He is amazed how you're ordering out.

"Yes commander!" He jokingly said as he threw his shorts while laying down.

You, without wasting a nano second got back and quickly fixated your entrance over his dick.

" slow down commander, you'll hurt yourself " he said beacuse you're really rushing out things.

"Huh?! You think i can't take you at once?" You stopped and asked him with fierce gaze.

"Nop. You'll hurt yoursel...oh shit what the fuck"

That was him moaning as you took him all in, painfully, and started riding him roughly.

He held your waist as you had your hands laid out on his well built chest with your eyes locked with satoru's celestial eyes.

You kept ridding him even rougher now and moved your hands ftom his chest to your head to move away your hair and hold them ans with the other you started massaging your breasts indicating him to do so. And he did, toru moved his one hand from your waist to your boobs and started roughly kneading them as with the other he started stimulating your clit roughly.

You couldn't take it anymore, so your pace started faltering and he noticed it so he quickly sat up ans started fucking you in lotus position as he grabbed your ass to pound into you. You, lost in pleasure, somehow managed to lock your hands onto his neck. He started fucking into even harder as you grabbed handful of his hair and pushed his head back as you brought your face closer and kissed him and then broke off the kiss and locked your eyes into his. You gave him a small peck on his nose and then he pecked your nose too.

"Fuck....fu...ck...uck...fuckfuck." you moaned

"To..to..toru...toru..toru I'm..im..cumming"

"Yea me too" he replied with a little pant in his voice.

"...toruu.....fuc..k..In me...do...in.." you managed to say in between your highs

"What!? No!" He said

You quickly grabbed his chin making his lips pout. "Listen up you bitch you're doing it in me" you magically managed to say a whole ass sentence. He was shocked alright!!

"In your dreams you bitch" he said as he roughly laid you down in missionary and started going deeper and pushed your legs close to your chest and rocked you even deeper now as he grabbed your breasts and kneaded them roughly with his one hand and with another he had now grabbed you by your chin and your lips were pouting now with eyes locked onto his.

"Please toru, toru please... im....close....please.." uou managed to say through your pouted lips.

"In you?" He asked you softly as he brought his forehead to your forehead.

"Yes yes yes yes please toru toruu" you kept begging him, for him to cum in you.

And after few more thrust, you came on his cock. And then he too came in you.

He plopped by your side as you laid breathing.

"What the actual fuck was that? You care to explain my dear dear wife"

" i don't know, the fuck are you talking about?" You said as you calmed down your breathing

" YOU GOING WILD LIKE THAT, almost gave me a heart attack when you got up"

" what! You never seen a dominating woman?" You said as you looked at the cum slowly dripping out.

"You're crazy", "i like crazy" he silently said with a smile

"Toru, we've to go to the new year's party "

"Who invited us? I don't like to go" he said as he scratched his head softly

" seriously luv? You're asking that?" You said as you watched the cum gush out of you.

"you're a fkin clan head you snow white, you represent your whole family, and i have to lick the boots of the elders there too. Plus noaya is coming too. I need you there, don't you dare throw excuses at me" you continued

"Noaya? Hmm I'll see. If i have i day off"

" You're doing it again "

"What?"

" Excuses!! what're you, 8yo?"

He pouted

"I'd talk to principal yaga myself to give you a day off. Its our first new year don't you get it toru?"

"Hmm"

" you don't and won't stay the whole year with me and its ok but can't you spare just one day for me?"

"Its not that i don't like, its all those higher-ups there, they annoy me"

"Oh that they do alright"

You both jumped into the bathroom and had good sleep anfter a cuddle.

To be continued....

Too long but worth it.

[bi-sapphics]

would you mind explaining why you arent a battleaxe bi anymore? /gen

i just think exclusionists are unnecessarily mean and wasting their time building up all of that anger. i think we have bigger things to focus on. at the end of the day, pansexuals aren't hurting bisexuals as much as the power of the real world is.

i'm still critical of pansexuality's origins and the community's behavior sometimes, but like... it's unfair to make that judgement towards every individual.

it's not even just being anti-pan, really. i'm moving away from exclusionism as a whole. i'm finding my true identity and pride in labels that are frowned upon in such communities (i.e. aspec stuff). i'm also studying all perspectives and realizing that, actually, the more and more inclusive you go, the better argument you have, and my personal philosophy is that it's rooted in letting go of anger you don't need to have. i understand why exclusionists are angry, but i think they're misdirecting said anger towards their own kind and not our oppressors. yes queer is a slur, but it's definitely more widely-reclaimed than not and you can use it regularly while also respecting individual boundaries and knowing when to avoid using it in their personal spaces.

if i'm going to run a blog mostly focusing on bi+ topics, then it's only right to include all labels under the bi umbrella. after all, i totally agree with people who use multiple mspec labels at once, as if they function as more specific descriptors for their preferences (i.e. bi/pan, bi/omni, bi/poly - i myself am feeling a newfound connection to bi/omni). every book you'll read studying mspec sexuality includes these subcommunities and welcomes them with open arms. maybe some of these people do have internalized biphobia, but if they have a community that is technically the same thing identity-wise, so what?

and speaking of books, i think material reality and its physical sources of written history speak louder than random 14yo's carrds online. the books that promote bi revolutions? they're anti-lesbian-separatism. the more i look into it, the more i think it's harmful to bi women and realize nothing would have changed, positively or negatively, if it had never happened. radfems never would have had the power they do, lesbians would be much more accepting of mspec wlw participating in their own rightful culture, and pretty much all of this "lesbians vs. bi women" discourse wouldn't exist present-day. "lesbian" used to belong to us, and it was never supposed to be taken away from us in the first place. if there is no harm in bisexuality and other mspec communities existing in harmony, then there is no harm in mono and mspec lesbians existing in harmony, exactly as they did once before. lesbophobic invasive men are gonna be lesbophobic regardless of the label. i was actually reading a carrd last night that made a great argument, about how chronically-online lesbians always push for mspec lesbians to create their own label, when it should be the former who does so. lesbian was inclusive before it was exclusive and it was never supposed to be exclusive at any point in time. if lesbians can accept that bi women have a rightful access to butch/femme & dyke, then they should be able to understand where i'm getting. you can't take something from someone and then claim it was never theirs. it's literally immoral theft. so yeah, in case it wasn't obvious yet, i'm starting to lean radinclus to the point where i understand and find community with lesbianism. it just makes more and more sense as you delve deeper and deeper into what all sapphics have in common, as opposed to how we think of each other currently.

^^ i'm really scared to post that. i'm afraid of harassment before questions, but i promise you i have done so much more research on the topic than exclusionists have and could debunk pretty much any argument you (respectfully) throw my way. i'm afraid of getting called a lesbophobe by people who don't want to think differently and understand that the idea is different than what they imagine it is. if you must unfollow me then go ahead, but there is a reason i'm keeping this on the down-low. just because i'm confident enough that i'm right doesn't mean i'm confident others will be reasonable. but, there ya go, i've officially said it now. if anything, i really only plan on mentioning it on this blog (as opposed to the main purpose of @tribadeism as a sideblog of mine) for emphasizing posts regarding the history and/or relatability of sapphics, but i guess we'll see.

so, i used to be exclus-leaning, but i no longer am. i am now pro-mspec, pro-aspec, accept aces/aros who say they're queer, and am learning about and starting to lean towards radical inclusionism (with some critical thought to remain naturally, of course, don't worry - the lack of that ruins the credibility of any stance imo).