#(i say this as someone who has been long converted to a young and menace defender)

[teknicaldifficulties]

we're going on a week-long vacation to south carolina this september and *sly cooper dub voice* WE'RE GONNA DRIVE THERE, so i'm wondering if i can maybe convince my folks to let me hijack the car radio for like an hour or two on the way. they'd have to fiddle around with the radio a bunch anyway once we start crossing state lines, so it shouldn't be too hard a sell. problem is trying to figure out which fob albums my parents with dubious music taste will actually enjoy.

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 44

Last time: Doctor Marcoh broke the Hippocratic Oath, Envy chose the worst possible host, and a Central Officer showed Armstrong the Great his collection of action figures. Onwards!

Episode 44 - “Revving at Full Throttle” Oh heck yeah, we’re starting at the family reunion in Liore! Camera shows the radio fixed by the Elric Brothers way back when. [Beard]: “It’s been a long time, huh Al?” [Al]: “Yeah.” *awkwardness intensifies* [Beard]: “So, uh… I saw Pinako recently.” *Rose is standing off to the side, probably wondering about this ‘Pinako’ character her new boyfriend is talking about* [Beard]: “She told me about your body.” *awkwardness intensifies* *awkwardness intensifies* *awkwardness intensifies* [Villagers]: “Hey Mister Ho, could you-” [Beard]: “Oh sweet Leto yes get me out of this family drama. Absentee Anime Father, away!” Wow, really? Al are you just gonna let him walk away from this conversation? You haven’t seen him for a large portion, if not most of your life! Demand some friggin answers! Well at least the cook is trying to cheer Al up, thanking him for fixing up the radio. Al apologizes for the riot being caused by them exposing Cornello, but Cookie insists on looking at the good stuff that happened.

Sure people reacted “badly” at first, but now everyone’s all happily working together to rebuild from the ashes of their home! Can’t fault the man’s optimism. Inspired!Al goes running off to help build, seeing their General getting his hands dirty Toad and Boar (still wearing their winter clothes?) tag along, dragging a protesting Yoki with them. The Villagers are realizing Oh Crap We Interrupted Family Reunion, but Beard’s brushing it off. He left when Al was super young, he probably doesn’t even think of Beard as his father anymore. And have you seen the guy try to smalltalk? He doesn’t know what to say- [Al, clanking towards the group]: “Hey pops! Imma help with the building, cool? Cool. Hey NPCs, gimme that heavy stuff to cart around.” Aw, Beard gets to see that Al being trapped in a cold, unfeeling suit of armor hasn’t kept him from being a decent person. Whoa okay bath time for Winry, apologies for interrupting. Winry’s happy to finally get a good bath after traveling for so long. Rose is chatting with her while laying out clothes, admiring Winry for being a independent Automail Engineer at her age. And she was the one who literally got Ed back on his feet, which would mean later he would help Rose get back on hers. *Goes back to Ep 3 Recap*. That’s right, he told her to Keep Moving Forward, that she needed to use her two good legs to make her own path. Rose tells Winry about her misplaced belief in Cornello, when Winry gripes about Ed’s Tough Love routine Rose says that’s just his way of being nice. [Rose]: “But you already know that, don’t you?” [Winry]: *Stammers, blushes, and tries to hide her face in her tea.* So yeah, Ed exposed the truth behind Cornello’s miracles, and now Liore is learning to stand on its own. “All thanks to Ed and Al.”... yeah, calling it now. We’ll come back to this place in a decade or two, and the old Church of Leto will have been replaced with one to The Armor and the Alchemist. Hey, it’s Lizard dude! Bido, according to Bag of Magic Food. He’s going through a tunnel, griping that it was a bad idea to follow those MPs aw crap he’s wandering into Uncle’s sanctum, isn’t he? Turn around dude! But he’s still looking for Mister Greed, squeezes through some pipes to crap it’s the Golem Room. And are the Officer and Armstrong the Great still there? Quick, pull an Igor!

Ok, so it looks like he got there just before the Officer did his “Look at my cool toys” reveal, he’s hiding behind the pipes again. Officer’s explaining that the Golems are empty dummies that they can bond souls to. Oh, so they’re like Advanced Soul Armors, then? Tell me, have you gotten around the problem that Al’s having of the body rejecting the soul? Anyways, the Golems are immortal and apparently any bonded souls will be completely obedient. Alright Armstrong the Great, here’s the kicker; where do the souls to activate the Golems come from? Officer says that they’ll come from rival nations, “through the course of war”. Hoo boy. This was what I was afraid of way back when the concept of Philosopher Stones was introduced to Armstrong the Great. She is fiercely loyal to her troops and those she chooses to protect, it was the threat against her own forces and the reveal that the Goths were going to harvest the entire country that allied her with our main characters. But an army fueled by the conquest of Others? A chance to not just defeat her hated Drachman enemies, but fully convert them to her cause? Weapons that only grow stronger the more she uses them? I mean, with all the pushing around by Central and bullying of her troops I’m giving her 80% odds to still reject the Golems. But that remaining 20… We don’t get to hear any more as Bido freaks the fuck out and bolts back down the tunnels, screaming his head off. [Bido]: “This place is evil! Pure evil! Why did I ever come here?! Mister Greed would never be in an awful place like this-” Oh hey, it’s Ling! How’s Greed going to react to seeing an old “possession”: happy to see something of old that he gets to claim again, or annoyed that one of his old crew fled rather than try to help him? We’ll get back to that, we’re back in Liore where Al is warning Beard about the giant tunnel running under Liore. Beard tells him to stop talking about the Super Secret Goth Plot To Harvest A Country in the middle of the town square, waits until they’re in the ruins of the Church to discuss the story. He’s letting Al explain everything, does he want to keep his own involvement secret for- well never mind, Al’s brought up his Identical Brother chilling in Central. Beard turns away still acting all Mysterious wait what [Menacing!Beard]: “Did it ever cross your mind that I might be on their side?” But you’re not, unless… NOW HOLD UP. If you’re telling me that we’re looking at a Triplet situation, that Uncle made another copy to Oh ok I get it now. Beard is just emphasizing how trusting Al is, at least with him. But seriously dude, now that I’m thinking about it spilling your entire plan to a guy because you think he’s your father is a terrible idea. Maybe ask him to repeat a childhood memory, or somesuch? So after Al gets his non-corporeal heart to calm down from that scare, Beard says that he wants to tell his Backstory to both brothers in order to save time. Right, about that… Back up in the land of snow, at… “Bank’s Bank”? Really? That’s like a restaurant owned by Mister Burger or a law office run by Johnny Litigator. Whatever. Registers are ringing and checks are being cashed when huh. Sorry, just distracted by the banker’s appearance, she’s a lady with blonde hair but brown eyes and Ishvalan skin. What’s her story, is she an Amestrian/Ishvalan child like Sideburns? Moving on, a giant of a man is making a withdrawal oh hey it’s Monkey, he’s drawing from Ed’s account. Uh, are you that badly strapped for cash? You know that a withdrawal from the Protagonist’s account, by an unknown party no less, is going to raise all kinds of flags in Central. Yup, Monkey got the cash from Ed’s research account, but another banker’s already making a call. Ah, so it was for the medical bill. How much was this doctor charging? Oh jeez, the guy’s chuckling and saying he could charge them even more, Monkey complains that he’s already ripping them off but the doc’s likewise squinty-eyed wife says it’s only “reasonable” considering the risks involved.

Well, as long as they keep their mouths shut well never mind, looks like the cops are already on to them. I don’t suppose they can get a refund? The cops show up and push past the doctor, Lion’s getting bandaged by Mrs. Doctor. Oh great way to sell out the resting patient, our guys had better get a refund if he’s going to cave this quickly. No wait it’s just Monkey scowling from under some covers wait is he trying to hide Ed under the sheets? The cop asks if Monkey was at the bank earlier, and pulls a gun… Outside a guard hears someone walking, another white coat? Doctor #2? Cop #1 is ordering for Monkey to put his hands up oh hey the white coat outside is Ed with some groceries! Outfit change? I suppose his red coat was pretty distinctive. While Monkey’s at gunpoint Lion readies his own pistol and Monkey starts drawing his own gun, things might get loud pretty soon. Wait, is Ed’s hair loose? What happened to the ponytail?

Ok yeah, that was pretty distinctive like his coat. Outside guard is listing off the red coat, blond hair worn in a braid… uh oh. Here it comes. [Guard]: “... and short.” [Ed]: *bites through wooden skewer in annoyance* Nice knowing you, guard. The cops in the apartment hear a thud, and #1 tells another to check out the noise. Outside Guard is out cold, Cop #2 tries waking him up before there’s another thud, #1’s left yelling at the other two for answers when

Wait hold on, is Ed grabbing this guy around the neck? Is he standing on a box or something? Unless… no. No! Is it finally happening? Is my little boy finally getting a growth spurt?! … Wait, but if he’s growing taller, but has an artificial leg whoops better find Winry quick to upgrade, fighting might be a bit difficult if you’re all lopsided. Monkey snarks that Ed just had to take out three MPs on his own, when he hasn’t fully recovered yet. [Ed]: “Don’t treat me like an invalid. My injuries are fully healed, and I’m revving at full throttle!” Title drop! And damn but Ed’s rocking the new look. White coat, loose hair, and a growth spurt? Leg imbalance aside, I am totally down for this. Wait, is this because he “used his own life force” to patch himself up earlier? His body aged up from the energy expenditure? Cool! Mid-ep pictures of Bath!Winry and Older!Ed. So is carrying a wooden skewer in your mouth just a thing now, Ed? The doc’s telling Ed and the Chimeras to shove off, doesn’t look like that refund’s coming after all. Ed snags the Guard’s note in passing, thinking about how they’re just looking for the red coat and braid (pointedly ignoring the “short” comment), guess the outfit change is staying around for a while. Whoops! Took too long, some other MPs have shown up and are demanding they freeze. Wait, “move it kid”? Oh yeah, they’re just telling the guys with visible weapons to stand down, they think that the kid chowing down on bread is a bystander. Who just got grabbed by Monkey and threatened with a weapon! Monkey uses the MPs shock at the hostage-taking to tuck Ed under his arm and run for it, outside some more MPs spot them but Lion shoots some snow down on them. Run for it! One hotwired car later, Ed tells ‘Gorilla’ (“Don’t call me that!”) to step on it, but their stolen car isn’t fast enough to outrun vehicles from Northern Command. Dodge a truck so the MPs crash into it? That they… can’t do, actually. The MPs are catching up when Ed says to turn a corner and park. Plan? Transmutation sounds as they round the corner, the MPs follow but… it’s gone? Wait there’s another car in the road, but… … Ow. Ow ow ow. OW! Sweet Leto, but that hurts the eyes. Really, Ed? I can only assume that the MPs brains have shut off from the sheer garishness of that thing, they drive past the parked car looking for something a little more sensible. The Chimeras immediately ask for the car to be turned back to normal. [Ed]: “And why’s that? I think this car looks cool as hell!” [Monkey]: “Just change it back. Please, we’re begging you!” [Ed]: “You guys got a problem with my sense of style?!” [Monkey/Lion]: “You don’t have any!” Outside of town, Monkey’s answering the call of nature while they all discuss being drifters again. Ed’s wait buddy you’ve got your hair back in a ponytail, it’s not a full-on braid but it’s still close enough that any guards are going to give you a second look. Go back to the loose hair disguise! Ed’s thinking about how he let his guard down around Kimblee, and hoping that Al’s ok. For now, the Chimeras are asking their new boss where to go, Ed says that they need to find Al who’s probably with Marcoh now. [Lion]: “You do know how to find them, right?” [Ed]: “Right, about that…” In Liore, Al’s trying to wrap his head around Beard’s Backstory. Beard understands if Al doesn’t believe him, it’s a pretty crazy story. Then we remember that Beard’s talking to a soul bound to a suit of armor, so the idea that Beard is a Philosopher’s Stone isn’t that far fetched. They chat about being immortal, and thankfully Beard acknowledges the advantages of his form before settling on the fact that seeing everyone he knows and loves wither and perish sucks. Hey yeah, if you have a Philosopher's Stone body, did that affect Ed and Al’s development? Apparently not, Beard says he still has a human body. Unlike Uncle, who’s likened to “a leather bag”. He built a human body around himself and his gathered souls, so if they can destroy the body… Speaking of, the Nationwide TC! Beard looks over the TC and reverse-TC while Al says they can destroy the tunnel below Liore, but Beard shuts down the idea. Pride’s watching over the tunnel. But can they still try before nope we know the tunnel’s finished, and Beard is rather relaxed about the idea it’s complete. “Because it’s not yet time”? How do you know? [Beard]: “Look up, son. You’re too busy looking down when you need to look up.” Oh! I get it, it’s a constellation thing! That explains why the Xerxes King was talking about carving all the Crests before it was too late, the Nationwide TC needs the right positioning of the stars. Can’t do it until then.

Yes please follow along Al, look up to the sky, to… LETO! Bwahaha, Al thinks that Beard’s talking about Sun-God Leto. There we go, turns out Beard has converted to Letoism and plans on praying the Goths away. Or the Man in Central could indeed be waiting for the right star positions, that works too I guess. Oh hey, back to Bido in the pipes. Running? Oh shoot, looks like it was “Annoyed his possession abandoned him” Greed after all. Greed laughs about the chance to kill his boredom, Bido’s shocked to see the Ultimate Shield and hear the voice, yells at Greed for imitating Mister Greed. Wait, does Greed not recognize Bido? Greed boasts about wanting everything, Bido finishes his spiel about demanding the finer things in life. Greed asks who Bido is wait static? Ok, so Greed really doesn’t remember his past iteration? He lost his memories when Uncle reconsumed him? Bido’s struggling to reconcile the Mister Greed he knew with this new guy, while Greed demands Bido answer his questions. [Bido]: “It’s me! I’m your friend, Bido! You haven’t been gone from Dublith long enough to forget!” [Greed]: “Oh, you’re from Dublith! Ooohoho, now it makes sense!” [Bido]: “You remember m SHIT Greed just stabbed Bido! [Greed]: “Afraid not. You must have been buddies with the previous Greed.” Well this sucks, Bido’s trembling in pain and grief while Greed says they’ve never even met wait the static’s back and his arm is trembling and the static is becoming visions of Greed’s old crew. Is his memory returning? Hoo boy Ling’s calling Greed out for killing his old friend. Greed protests that Bido wasn’t his friend, that those memories belonged to the previous Greed. [Ling]: “Then why are you in so much pain?!” Ling’s threatening that if Greed doesn’t pull himself together that he’ll take control of the body again. Greeds gritting out that his old memories were purged by Uncle, that they aren’t part of him anymore- [Ling]: “No, you’re wrong Greed! It’s not that easy! They’ll always be a part of you! You can’t just erase them from your soul! They were the only part of you that you chose! Look at them! Can you not hear their souls crying out? You abandoned them, your real family! You threw them away like trash! Fool, you turned your back on something you wanted. You don’t deserve to call yourself Greed!” Clutching the still form of Bido, Greed screams. End Credits. Post-credit scene in Central at the Bradley Manor, Mama Bradley is suggesting a book to Selim. About an adventurer who travels the world- Bradley’s looked up and Mama Bradley grabbed Selim at the sound of rustling and footsteps. It’s Greed. And he’s not happy.

[humanityinahandbag]

Coco AU: Marigold Retirement Home

so is there an AU for Coco yet where Héctor works at a retirement home where he spends his time helping out the elders of the community, listening to their stories and memories, and occasionally playing guitar and sweeping up 98 year old women into a waltz during their biweekly dance halls?

Because there needs to be.

Héctor works at the Marigold Retirement Community a few miles from his house.  He does laundry, takes out the trash, cleans, pushes around wheelchairs, and supervises game nights and card games and telenovela marathons. Sometimes he helps with their more musical events. He plays guitar, teaches dance, sings, and hosts the dancehalls every other Saturday. 

Sometimes, all he does is listen. Sitting around and listening to their stories while he helps fold clothes or clean the dining room. 

These old folks relish the idea of a younger person just listening to their memories. “we’ve lived long lives. What’s the use of staying this long on earth if we can’t tell someone about it,” they say to him over smuggled glasses of tequila he’d been reluctant to take away from them (policy dictated against it, but the elderly women playing late night poker and cackling over their contraband cigarettes told him not to be such a stiff, and dealt him in). And so he listens. While he mops or helps an elderly man walk to BINGO or signs in guests, he listens.

Gloria had been a nurse in a faraway war. Manuel had once written books of poetry under a name no one knew. Simón had met dignitaries on his trips round the world. Juanita had been kicked out of a church once for singing dude songs, and still laughed about it over morning coffee with her friends. “Everyone knew me,” she bragged, twirling her wedding ring, face still a picture of sweet beauty and hard wit.

He’s well known by all the elders there. The women call him a catch, and the men call him a spitfire, and he knows all their names and what they like best, and in return, they listen to his little dreams of playing guitar for the world. 

They love him. The young, positive force of a man that comes in on time for each of his shifts and teaches them to dance and play guitar (if they don’t already know how to.) Sometimes he learns from them. 

Rosa teaches him to needlepoint. 

Lucia teaches him to knit. 

There’s an old man -Chicharrón- who knows how to pluck the strings like no one he’s ever heard. Héctor is the only one who isn’t bothered by his irate temper. The staff calls him the snapping turtle. Héctor doesn’t mind. He sits patiently and watches the mans fingers work on the guitar, and copies it back, learning and improving. 

Chicharrón likes Héctor, even if he doesn’t show it much. 

(He also has a massive crush on Juanita who sits next to him during 12 pm church services, and Héctor is absolutely 100% for it). 

At some point late in his fifth year working for Marigold Retirement, Imelda is taken on as a sort of a volunteer. She’s only there on weekends, but she spends her time making specialty shoes for the elderly. From the hours of 9 AM to 5 PM on Saturday and Sunday she measures feet, looks at shoes, and takes orders. She listens to complaints and comes up with solutions. Some of them need better arch support or extra lifts. Sometimes they need new shoes altogether. Some need open toe, some closed toe. Whatever these people need, she’ll provide at a great price. 

Her shop in town is one of the best. She gives the center good deals in exchange of more customers. It works out. 

So every Saturday and Sunday, Imelda is there. Measuring feet, sketching designs,  and cutting out sample leather.

It won’t be long before they meet. 

Imelda dislikes Héctor immensely and immediately. 

He’s tall and gangly and carries around a guitar and lets the elderly drink contraband tequila after the security guards have started their rounds of the perimeter. He slips Gloria the occasional cigar and lets them play poker, and sings one or two songs during dancehalls that would make any nun blush. 

He’s a menace. 

Meanwhile, Héctor thinks she’s the bees knees! 

“You must be the new volunteer!” he says on her second Saturday, grabbing her hand and kissing the back of it. “I don’t know much about shoes, but you seem to make very nice ones.” He made it sounds sultry. How could a person make shoes sound sultry .

“I don’t deal with musicians,” she shot back, pulling her hand away. 

“Well lucky for you, I am not musician!” And he smiled a huge, goofy smile. Over his shoulder, she could see a pair of elderly women dealing in pennies during a most likely very unauthorized game of blackjack. “I am a humble servant to the muses. And you must be one of them.” He winks. “Diosa.” 

She throws a shoe at his face before stalking away, reminding herself never to speak to him again. 

Which doesn’t work out, because by the next week he’s written her three songs and takes to singing them loud enough that she can hear them through the separating walls between them.

They’ve given her her own workspace where she can help residents try on the shoes she’s made and make adjustments to the shoes they have. The room they’ve given her is subsequently next to the room where Héctor does most of his own activities with the residents. 

That day, he’s supervising an intense round of Go-Fish, but has taken a break long enough to apparently belt out songs about her beauty and wit while the men and women clap along and cheer. The songs are all ridiculous and rhyming, and she’s trying to work, but the music travels a little too well, and soon enough she’s gritting her teeth while she asks Señor Gutierrez if he’d like dark or light leather. 

Señor Gutierrez says he wants dark leather before saying “that Héctor is a real catch, eh? You’re lucky he likes you!” Héctor chooses then to hit a terrible high note when he says something about her throwing her shoe at his face, and she growls out something about luck. 

“I like this new girl,” Lucia, who had been a resident for as long as Héctor had been there, says while he folds the residents laundry in the lounge. The television is blaring a new telenovela. But none of the residents seemed particularly interested in it this time, choosing instead to focus on Héctor and the new addition to their little community. “She’s a spitfire.”

“She is,” Héctor beams. 

Paula from the second floor pauses in her needlework to tut “I wonder if she’s single...” 

“Ah, it doesn’t matter,” Héctor puts aside another pile of laundry, grabbing the next basket. “She’s not interested.” 

Chicharrón snorted. “That’s an understatement. Besides,” he looks Héctor up and down, “I think she’s a good tune smoother than you.”

“Oye! Our Héctor is plenty good enough for this woman.”

“Thank you, Lucia!” 

“And besides,” she continues, leaning back into the plush chair, “it’s just like Patricia and Alejandro.” She points at the TV. “She hated him at first, too. But then he climbed to her window and sang her that love song. And she fell madly in love with him.”

Héctor considers it between putting a dress onto a hanger. “Maybe another song, then!” he says, perking up. “I’ve always got more of those!”

“There you go.” She pats his cheek fondly. “That’s the Héctor I know.”

“Shhhh.” Lucia shushes them. “Alejandro is about to cheat on Patricia with her twin sister!”

On a Saturday, Héctor makes sure to pass by the small room where Imelda works enough times that she threatens to throw a shoe at his head. “She likes me,” Héctor says to Juanita while he pushes her wheelchair down the hall. He winks at Imelda as they pass by for the second time. Imelda growls something down into the leather she’s working on. “She just doesn’t know it yet.”

“She’ll figure it out,” Juanita chirps. “Now go faster! I’m not missing rummy because of your sweetheart!” He charges down the hall, breaking at least a few rules, but it’s worth it to hear Juanita cackling and whooping the faster they go.

There will be a day when Imelda stays a little too late showing off shoe designs to Rosa (who has a seemingly neverending stream of questions that almost seems intentional) and when she finally leaves, she finds that the path she has to take doesn’t allow her to sneak past the dance hall (which is just the converted dining room with all the chairs and tables pushed to the sides), and soon enough Héctor, bringing out his guitar, will catch her in the act of sneaking out and sing her a ballad at the top of his lungs as the elderly watch, amused and entertained. 

He gets a shoe to the head for that. 

He still asks her to dance with him after, and she turns up her nose and storms out, collecting her things and leaving. 

“I’LL WAIT ON THAT DANCE!” he calls out after her, before sweeping up Señora Fernández into a lively foxtrot while the other residents whistle. 

Later on, someone will ask how Imelda even came to stay so late.

Rosa grins down into her book. “Someone might have kept her a little too late asking questions.”

Lucia cackles. “You absolute hellion.” 

Imelda and Héctor very quickly become the center of attention. And the residents of Marigold Retirement are absolutely here for this.

It’s the true romance of the century. 

The handsome young man and the dashing young woman. The chase of love and thrown shoes and songs. Each week they cast bets on what will happen. And each week, at least a few of the residents do their best to meddle. 

Sometimes it’s just a comment to Imelda about how handsome Héctor is. 

Sometimes it’s a plea from an elder for Imelda to join them in their game of spades, sitting her right beside Héctor, who beams like a loon. 

These elderly folks literally use their time during 2 pm chess and 5 pm knitting circle to orchestrate every detail of the live telenovela going on before their very eyes. 

The meddling minds of the Marigold Retirement Home are at work to make sure these two fall in love. 

Does anyone else thing about this? 

Because I think about this A LOT.

[sadisticsmiles]

Beyond a Thief’s Power Episode 21

In Preparation for the Abrupt

             Just as Claire and Elizabeth had completed their plans for the night, a knock was at the door.

           Elizabeth turned around from her right side a little to look at the door and asked, “Who is it?”

           Standing outside their door, a familiar dark silver-haired woman’s back could be seen. “It’s Kuruha. Is Claire with you?”

           Kuruha listened for her friend’s answer, which was, “Yes, he’s with me. Was there something important you wanted to tell us?”

           “Not really,” the dark silver-haired female replied. “I’m only checking since none of us have seen him for a while.” A faint sigh escaped her lips. “I’m glad he has you with him, Elizabeth. He can be hopeless sometimes.”

           “Hey, I heard that!” Claire’s comment came quickly. “I’m not dillydallying, Kuruha. You should know me better.”

           Kuruha frowned. “I do know you, idiot.” She shifted her left arm and placed her hand on her hip. “What on earth are you doing? We haven’t gotten any word from you about the final concert yet.”

           “Do you honestly think I haven’t been working on the schedule? Geez, you’re so impatient.”

           “Why don’t you wait a bit longer and let him rest until he’s ready?” Elizabeth suggested. “He’s quite drained from working for our sakes.”

           “Oh~!” Claire said. “That’s my darling!”

           Kuruha’s eyes narrowed slightly in annoyance. “Fine, have it your way. You’re so disgusting, anyway.”

           “That’s not very nice!” Claire shouted.

           Kuruha turned around completely. “Life isn’t nice. After all, you remember all the lives we’ve spent together as well as anyone else between the four1 of us.”

           As the dark silver-haired woman walked away from the couple’s hotel door, Claire smiled, still facing the direction of his laptop.

           “Indeed,” he noted. “Life isn’t generous to anyone, even with these memories that are supposed to be erased for each reincarnation cycle the four of you have gone through.” He sat up straight, removing his arms from relaxing and placed his right hand on the laptop. Its smooth surface soothed him. “Oh. I should say, the six of us instead, shouldn’t I? This man’s body has always been mine—or, bodies from being reborn many times.”

           Elizabeth turned back to gaze at her sweetheart with a somber frown on her face. “So has this young lady. She is only a mere vessel for me, as that young man is for you, Circ.”

           “Faye,” Circ addressed his wife in Claire’s body. Then, he turned around in his rolling chair. “We’re finally back even if we’ve had to lay dormant in these bodies for a long time.”

           Faye sighed. “It took many years after being destroyed once more to come back. We’ve weakened tremendously against the magicians. It’s pathetic that we’re now relying on human bodies that can hold us.”

           “All the more reason to take our revenge,” Circ responded. His menacing grin appeared shortly afterward. “Now, how should we play things out for the magicians and their precious humans?”

           Soon, Kuruha entered a room where Kokoro and Kenshi were in, and the door automatically locked.

           “Welcome back, Onee,” the younger sister greeted. “Were you able to find Claire?”

           Kuruha folded her arms in front of her abdomen. “I can’t say that I ‘found’ him, but I stopped by his and Elizabeth’s room.” Her eyes narrowed. “He was inside, but those two didn’t open the door, so the only thing I was able to do was talk with them while standing outside.”

           “Is he sick?” Kokoro asked.

           “Far from it,” the older Mamiya sister replied. “He’s just tired.”

           Kenshi gave a soft laugh. “Haha. You positive he wasn’t busy with the concert prep?”

           “If he were, he’d be finished by now.” Kuruha let her arms go back to the sides of her body. “I know I can be harsh on him, but he’s never been plagued with illness.”

           Kokoro nodded. “Yup. He’s always been healthy, and so have all of us.” She paused for a few seconds. “We just… died early in all of our lives.”

           Kenshi’s smile faltered and converted into a sympathetic frown. He eyes were also triste as he glanced at Kokoro and then at Kuruha. “I suppose that’s the consequence of eternal reincarnation.”

           Kokoro lifted her head up slightly to look at the cedar-haired man. “Without a doubt, yes. Who wouldn’t want to continue living in this world?” She spun around once and looked at Kenshi once more. Her amaranth pink hair and lime-green eyes were shining with the happy look on her face. “It’s beautiful, even though there are the nastier sides to it. Onee and I have had fun memories before and after we met Claire, but it’s thanks to him that we were able to come to Europe and meet Elizabeth. That’s why, I like this world.”

           Kenshi’s eyes widened with curiosity and confusion. “Huh? What do you mean, Kokoro?”

           Kuruha nodded. “Those words are the truth, Kenshi.” Her dark silver eyes cast downward to the floor with a distant, yet serene look in them. ”In the past when we were in our first lives, we lived in Japan. But…”

           Understanding the dark silver-haired young woman’s words, Kenshi slowly smiled. “Oh, right. Your father was originally a travelling merchant, and your mom…” He trailed off, wondering if his own mother was alright. Once again, it couldn’t be helped for him to think about those he left behind to stay with the Hidden Resistance. His mom was also a single parent, but the Mamiya sisters currently had both parents in their lives, unlike their past ones.

           Kokoro smiled. “What, you’re still having sympathy for us? We’ve been able to endure at least this much since then and time again.”

           “You’re certainly a softy in comparison to the rest of us,” Kuruha agreed. “I guess that won’t change in spite of our current situation.”

           Kenshi made a cute, pleading frown. “You two can say that it’s not much to care about now that your mom is with you after all the centuries since then, but…” Tears started to form and travel down his cheeks. “I find it to be a miracle.” He was blinking, but his tears kept coming to blur his vision of the two ladies in the room with him. He was still such an emotional lad himself after all the time he spent with the group. “Who wouldn’t miss having a full family, and…” A sniff came from him right away.

           “Oh my,” Kuruha smiled at seeing the grown cedar-haired man cry for them. “You haven’t changed at all. Honestly. To think about us and the fact we’ve been reunited with our lovers in this… last life of ours.” She closed her eyes. “Thank you. It means a lot to us.”

           “It would be nice if Naomasa and Kiyo-aniki2 were here to hear this,” Kokoro added.

           Kuruha’s eyes opened. “Don’t forget about Sakuya.”

           The amaranth pink-haired loli’s eyes narrowed and she averted her gaze. “…Well, yeah. Him, too.”

           “Don’t be letting your guards down at a time like this,” a familiar male voice said. As soon as the owner of the voice magically made their entrance in the back of the room, it was Aaron. His attire was amazing to behold: a navy blue fingerless glove [that went up past his left elbow a bit]; an onyx cape-like shirt that slanted down from his left hip to his right ankle, and had a medium-sized gold ring on his left side [near his shoulder and above his heart that revealed the area from his neck down a bit from his chest and left shoulder, due to the curve from his right]; matching color for his pants and his suave ankle boots.

           “Aaron,” Kenshi and Kuruha simultaneously called the teal-haired magician’s name.

           Kokoro glanced at Aaron. “What’s with your outfit? You look… cool.”

           “Obviously, the situation has changed,” the Magician of Power declared. “It’s fight or die without trying.” He looked straight at Kuruha. “Claire and Elizabeth are no longer in control of their bodies.”

           A staid look was on Kuruha’s visage as she narrowed her eyes. “You mean… They’ve been taken over?”

           “Exactly,” Aaron replied. “All the magicians that are currently in Neon sensed a sudden change in the Human World, which had some familiarity to it.” He frowned shortly afterward. “Yet, who would’ve thought they were this close to us the past six years we’ve been with you.”

           The Mamiya sisters’ eyes widened.

           “What’s going on?” Kenshi asked; he was perplexed by Aaron’s words.

           “Claire and Elizabeth have been taken over by Rozanne’s parents, Circ Sinclair and Faye Feris,” Manjuki answered as she teleported next to Aaron’s right side. She wore a purple long-sleeved shirt with a collar that covered the area right below her neck, amethyst-colored pants without pockets, and raisin wedge low heels.

           “How are we going to fight them?” Kokoro asked. “They’re on a larger scale than Roxanne herself, and we haven’t taken down the entire 14K yet.”

           “Don’t forget that we’ve been lowering their forces for years,” Aaron reminded the humans. “We know how hard you’ve helped us, even by a little effort.” His stare had a hardened look at the three people who weren’t gifted with powers. “We’ve dragged you in this, but you have us.”

           Kuruha’s dark silver eyes were moved with gratitude. “Aaron…”

           “Da—“ Kokoro was about to finish what she was saying, but Aaron cut her off.

           “Don’t call me that,” the teal-haired magician said. “You already have one, despite the fact that he’s too busy to stay with you two and your mother at the moment.”

           Kokoro gazed a bit more at Aaron before puffing her cheeks out. “Way to ruin my feelings. You know you’ve been like one to me from the start.”

           “I’m not one and I don’t ever want to be one,” Aaron grimaced. “Futaba isn’t your parent, either, and she doesn’t ever want to be one.”

           “You’re mean,” Kokoro deflated her cheeks.

           “And you’re a brat,” Aaron retorted.

           Kenshi smiled dully. “It’s hard to believe you and Riki worked together.”

           “I’ve kept away from being rough towards him,” Aaron told the cedar-haired male. “He’s a kind guy for someone with an ego that hides his insecurities.”

           Kenshi’s smile grew wider. “You know, you aren’t bad yourself, Aaron.”

           The teal-haired magician brushed off the compliment. “Eh, I don’t care about being like your leader.” He glanced at Manjuki. “Anyway, we need to get things done.”

           “Circ and Faye will make their move soon,” the purpureus-haired Magician of Intelligence relayed.

           Minagi and Futaba appeared immediately after using their teleportation. The latter was next to Aaron’s other side and the former stood on the picton blue-haired Magician of Power’s right side. Futaba wore a long-sleeve white V-neck jacket with ruffles for the collar, the lining cut a bit over the middle of her chest, and the cuffs, over a curved cantaloupe tank top; her pants were linen white and were rolled up to show a cloud gray color; her socks were stone blue and she wore sage sneakers. Minagi, on the other hand, was wearing a sparkling golden flower resembling a mix between a lily and a castor bean due to its pointy, sharp leave, which was slanting slightly upward on the right side of her head; a shiny, solid black, light fitting turtleneck beneath a kimono that had the same golden color as her flower for the collar and obi; the right side of her collar and right sleeve were loose over her shoulder, and the rest of the kimono was fuchsia. With its simple but elegant outfit, she wore white socks and a pair of plum-colored zori with lilac straps.

Kenshi’s eyes widened in admiration for the attire of the two women who had just made their appearance. “W-Wow… You two look fantastic.”

           “No duh,” the Mamiya sisters commented.

           Hearing that, Kenshi couldn’t help but laugh playfully. “Ahaha.”

           “Having fun at a time like this,” Minagi softly said.

           Futaba faintly smiled. “You three certainly take the tension away.”

           “No laughing matter, though,” Aaron remarked.

           Manuki nodded and gave her attention to the cedar-haired male. “Kenshi, send an email to your friends. They need to know what’s going on before they’re drawn into wherever Circ decides to send everyone he wants to involve.”

           “What will you guys be doing?” Kenshi inquired.

           Without taking her gaze off him, Manjuki reached for her pocket with her right hand to the space near her pants, and gradually pulled out a sword. As it formed, it took on the shape of a marigold hilt and a violet blade shaped like a long, slow-curving wolf fang for the tip. She walked over to Kokoro and held the sword horizontally in front of the amaranth pink-haired girl.

           “Take Islander along with you,” she instructed.

           Kokoro looked into Manjuki’s eyes. “He’s your precious weapon, Manjuki. I shouldn’t take him when you need to defend yourself.”

           “I’m not so weak without him,” Manjuki responded calmly. “You’re the one who won’t be able to keep yourself unharmed. You can’t fight alone unless one of us is with you, so I‘m leaving him in your care. He now has a power boost to stop Faye.”

           “I’ll be fighting the being of Fate?”

           Manjuki nodded. “For Elizabeth, she wants you to see her in order to spend more time with you.”

           “So that’s her wish…” Kokoro trailed off before looking at Islander’s weapon form. “I’ll make sure to fulfill it.” She slowly extended her right arm and enclosed the handle in her hand.

           Next, Minagi put her right arm out in front of her and took out her sword by moving her hand to the right side in a swift motion. A sword with a very small light blue and white round crystal was attached to the hilt before the blade had a curve in the shape of a medium sized coral pink spiral seashell, and then became elongated for the rest of the blade which had a pistachio green color.

           When she had finished stepping toward the elder of the Mamiya sisters, she said in a stoic manner, “Kuruha. Be careful. As they are now, your dearest companions will not be able to hear your voices. Claire wants you to be strong and overcome any obstacles to save the people who need to be protected the most. Therefore, I am also expecting you not to hesitate for his sake, as well as everyone else’s.”

           Kuruha stared at the light green-haired magician’s eyes. “I don’t have Zen’aku with me, and I’m not powerful enough without it to defeat an adversary with a vast amount of power.”

           “I know,” Minagi replied. “We all do.3 Circ has called your sword back to him because it was never meant to be yours; the investigations we did on them were far too late for us, which makes apologizing pointless. At any rate, Manjuki and I will come back to your and Kokoro’s side. Aaron and Futaba will accompany you to the battle with them.”

           A worried look overcame Kuruha’s visage’s expression. “What about Elise and Aikishi?”

           “They’re with the rest of the palace’s staff. After all, they were meant to serve the Royal family years ago after graduating from high school.”

           “They’ve gone back and forth between our two worlds,” Manjuki added. “It’s not as if they can’t handle their jobs as a maid and butler.” She glanced at her cousin. “You did enlist their help after we came here, Minagi.”

           Minagi let out a relaxed, nonchalant sigh. “We’re teachers, you and I. We shouldn’t make our students wait for us. That would’ve been irresponsible of us to stay as idols if we didn’t return to the school.”

           “As long as it wasn’t the same high school we went to,” Aaron stated. “Good thing it wasn’t.”

           Futaba giggled. “Aha, it was still fun.”

           “Hardly,” Aaron and Manjuki answered at the same time.

           “Well, things happen,” Minagi said.

           Kuruha and Kokoro smiled. The banter between the four magicians erased their tension. It may have been because Aaron, Futaba, and Minagi were childhood friends, along with Manjuki being Minagi’s cousin that the Mamiya sisters instantly remembered being childhood friends with the Nanahoshi brothers. One of those brothers had made a childhood promise to marry Kuruha, and they were still together as an engaged couple. Another memory appeared in their minds and was one of the Fuse Investigations agency’s other grown members with the Nanahoshi brothers: the famous actor Rui Wakaba, a lawyer with glasses, and the chief of the team, smiling at them warmly.

           “Onee,” Kokoro said, “we have to make it back to everyone.”

           Kuruha nodded. “Yeah.”

           Kenshi had been listening to everyone else’s conversations while he had been sitting on an armchair at the table with his laptop opened He had already sent the email right after Manjuki instructed him to and after his last words in the exchanges within the room. He was currently looking over at the emails that were sent between him and Takuto, who had asked who he was, but the sniper of the Black Foxes could not reveal himself.

           “That should do it,” he informed everyone as he turned his head over his right shoulder and shut his laptop.

           Aaron’s eyes narrowed with the will to settle things. “Let’s make our move, then.”

           “Right,” everyone else stated.

           On the other side of the email, Takuto stared at his laptop screen. “What’s with this guy? He wouldn’t even tell me who he was, and he hasn’t answered back. I guess he left.”

           “Yet,” Atsumu said, “it’s thanks to him that we got more information on what’s happened. We need to plan our next move.”

           “A total heads-up from a stranger,” Hiro noted with a serious expression on his face. Then, he frowned in concern. “How are we going to prepare ourselves? We’re missing Sayuri and Rina, and we don’t know if we’ll get Ains back anymore.”

           Taiga glanced at Hiro. “Well, we can’t rely on them to be with us. Rina’s sword will also have to wait to be rescued. There are some things that can’t be helped.”

           “But we can’t just do nothing, either,” Hiro said while directing his gaze with his eyebrows furrowed at the underground doctor.

           “How do you suppose we get the sword back when there’s nothing we can do about it?” the smokey topaz brunet asked. “We’ll need to fight an impossible battle soon.” He paused for a few seconds. “I hate to say this myself, but don’t get worked up over who and/or what’s not here. We don’t have much time left.”

           Hiro’s eyes lowered as he looked down at the floor with a sad and defeated frown. “Yeah…”

           Meanwhile, in Ibuki’s room, she was still sleeping and breathing soundly in her baby blue bed. The blanket and pillow were sky blue and she had a peaceful, relaxed sleep to rejuvenate her body. Soon, she heard a voice in her head.

           Ibuki, it’s time to wake up, a woman’s voice called out to her.

           It sounded familiar to her, but she could not pinpoint the identity of the person who called her in her resting state.

           Who… she wondered in her mind. Who’s calling me?

           There was no one to answer her as she kept her eyes closed the entire time, but then… Her eyes opened suddenly and were filled with a light, which made them as beautiful as a magician’s.

           Downstairs in the basement, the alliance was still gathered. It was quietly tense for them to wait for the worst to happen. However, the door rapidly burst opened, causing everyone to quickly turn their attention towards it. There at the basement entrance was none other than Ibuki herself. She was in her long light blue nightgown which covered her neck down to the top of her bare feet.

           Riki’s eyes widened with the most shock out of all the other members of Black Foxes gathered in the room. “Ibuki?!”

           “Wha!” Hiro could barely say anything.

           Mitsuki felt paralyzed. “This can’t be…!”

           The rest of the alliance members: Hyosuke, Taiga, Nao, and Miyuki weren’t fazed by Ibuki’s appearance; Atsumu showed a brave face and was stern, and Takuto’s eyes narrowed with suspicion while he frowned. His facial expression displayed contempt, despite that he and the boss of the team were already braced for the worst, along with the rest of the alliance members without actually loathing Ibuki.

 XXX

 1)      Kuruha is referring to herself, Claire, Elizabeth, and Kokoro from the seventeenth chapter of the story.

2)      Naomasa Sakura from True Love Sweet Lies is mentioned as Kokoro’s lover, and Kiyoharu Nanahoshi is Kuruha’s.

3)      Minagi gives a reminder from when Aaron told Kenshi, Kuruha, and Kokoro about all the magicians in Neon knowing about the turn of events.

[adamarinayu]

I really love your PK 2017 AU please more headcannons please?

Mm alright! I’m always happy to talk about anything PK related :) I’m just gonna list a lot of stuff, almost in a timeline kinda but not exactly.

This just might become a masterpost of this AU XD Because I wrote a lot of stuff. I suppose they’re less “headcanons” and more “abouts” than anything.

* Donald started dreaming of becoming an avenger in high school. Every vacation, many weekends and such Scrooge would take him and Della on adventures that would normally turn out badly for himself and like many kids, he fantasized about revenge. However, it wasn’t until he went to Italy for his language class’s culture trip (he was in year 4 Italian) that he found inspiration to actually become Paperinik (or the Duck Avenger). 

* Like in the old Paperinik comics, he was originally basically a prankster (less malicious in this AU, since it doesn’t fit DT17 Donald’s personality to be malicious) out to get revenge on Scrooge and Gladstone (and sometimes Della, too). (As an aside, in my personal canon he joins the navy at 18; in this AU, becoming Paperinik changes that, and he never joins the navy.)

* Donald’s thirst for revenge pretty quickly shifted into a thirst for justice, which is what started him on becoming a hero. As he was one day planning revenge on Gladstone with a gag gun he ended up in a situation where only he could stop the bad guy (in this case, it was a robber roughing someone up in the alley in which he was hiding in wait for Gladstone). He managed to stop the robber with his “gun” and the victim managed to get away and call the cops. He was hailed a hero rather than a menace after this, and with that taste of heroics he decided he wanted to keep up being a hero, almost completely dropping the revenge aspect of his identity (yet still known to locals as the Duck Avenger (despite him insisting on being called Paperinik)).

* After deciding to become a hero, Donald realized he needed actual gadgets. Although in DT17 Gyro looks pretty young, I’m just gonna go out on a limb and say he’s older than he looks and that he and Donald knew each other when they were younger (though not very well), and Donald knew he was a genius. So when Donald realized he needed gadgets, Gyro was the first person he thought of, and Gyro provided him with his gadgets for the first year or so of him being a hero (~aged 18-19).

* Donald does, in fact, have his old 313 (a small soft-top two-door convertible (it does have a backseat, uncomfortable though it may be)), which was a highschool graduation gift from Scrooge and Grandma. Simple, cheap (it’s an old car), and a car Donald had had his eye on since he was literally a child, Scrooge decided he could spoil Donald and Della just a little by getting them the cars they wanted (Grandma pitches in, but Scrooge covers most of it since he’s a trillionaire). Therefore, Gyro still tricks it out into the 313-X.

* Donald still adventures with Scrooge and Della, so he’s not exactly a full-time hero. However, when he’s gone Gyro deals with the problems in the city with his genius (robots, holograms, warning the police, etc).

* When Donald is ~19/20, Scrooge buys Ducklair Tower and Donald works there (by his own choice, of course) between adventures, not wanting to feel like he’s freeloading even if his uncle is the one who signs his paychecks. Also it gives him more leeway to be away from Scrooge and Della when he’s in Duckburg, not having to make up some ridiculous excuse to get away. This leads to him meeting Uno, and not only upgrades his tech but also the threats he’s dealing with. He goes from part-time crimefighter to full-time hero, not just in Duckburg but all over the world and, after meeting Lyla, time (where he ends up meeting Odin Eidolon). Things get much more difficult around this time as bigger threats start showing up, and Donald and Gyro both understand that Gyro’s assistance is no longer needed or good enough (Gyro hated admitting that) with Uno, an advanced (and also alien, spoiler alert) AI in the picture.

* Shortly after meeting Uno is when Donald gets the PKar (Duckmobile in the English translation, I think, but I prefer calling it the PKar), making the 313-X completely obsolete, and it enables Donald to deal with threats all over the world. Despite this, Donald keeps the 313-X as long as possible, until it becomes such a safety hazard Uno, concerned for Donald’s life, finally convinces Donald to at least take the “X” mechanics off. Donald agrees, under the condition that it’s still able to fly.

* When they’re 22, Della finds out that Donald and Paperinik are the same person. She’s simultaneously proud and worried, and does what she can to throw Scrooge’s suspicions when Donald is absent. For the record; Della is terrible at acting, and Donald is about 98% sure that she made Scrooge even more suspicious. He’s grateful for her help, anyway.

* Random fact needed for those who have read PKNA and understand why it took Uno 200 years to become an android canon-wise, Due’s story ends in Donald’s time, rather than two hundred years in the future, meaning (spoiler alert) Uno absorbs what’s left of Due more “now”ish than “later”ish, enabling him to become an android sooner.

* On his very last trip to the future, when Donald is 22, going on 23, Odin gave him a computer chip and told him to give it to “his tech guy,” obviously meaning Uno. Donald does as told, which later proves to be a very good thing; not long after, Ducklair Tower is destroyed, thankfully after everyone clears out of the building… well, everyone who could leave. Uno is Ducklair Tower (the AI who controlled everything inside), and with its destruction Uno should have essentially died. Among the rubble, though, Donald finds the chip Odin gave him, and on a whim decided to put it in his computer back at home. Lo and behold, Uno was on that chip, having been saved. Uno is as confused/surprised as Donald is, but relieved.

* That chip enables Uno to go into any device it’s installed on, causing Uno to basically be anywhere Donald is (so long as he doesn’t turn his phone off). On the chip there are also instructions on how to make 23rd century androids, which gives Donald the idea to build an android body for Uno so he isn’t stuck in his phone or computer. Donald, however, is no scientist and struggles a lot, and it’s only under Uno’s careful direction he’s able to do it.

* He continued being PK until Della disappeared.The triplets were left in his care and between jobs and children, Donald realized he couldn’t keep up with being a hero. Uno understood, and since the bigger threats to the planet as a whole were gone he didn’t put up much protest, knowing how important raising the kids was to Donald. This, however, also put a stop to the android being built. 

* One night when Donald couldn’t sleep and the triplets were finally asleep, Donald decided to continue working on the android, if only to distract himself. After that he worked on it in his free time- whenever he was between jobs and the triplets were at school, when the triplets were at Junior Woodchuck meetings or camps, etc etc. It takes him years to complete the android- in fact, it’s not completed until after Scrooge and Donald are talking again.

* The first thing Uno does with his new android body? Follows Donald and the family across the world and ends up saving Donald’s life when he nearly falls off the mountain. This prompts an unplanned, early meeting between Uno and the family, where they have to quickly come up with a story that doesn’t contradict. That story ends up being;

They met in Italy when Donald went on his culture trip and Uno (who had been designed with an English accent but needed a reason to have an Italian name) went to find out more about his ancestry, and they became friends and kept in contact afterwards. 

This is followed up with the claim that Uno was planning to move to Duckburg, and Donald “offered” a room on the houseboat (knowing damn well Uno’s been living there for 11 or 12 years already…) until he found a place. Uno then joins them for the rest of the adventure, him and Donald talking about what has actually happened in Italian. The rest of the family (bar Scrooge) is surprised Donald knows Italian.

* At some point, Donald discovers his old 313 in one of Scrooge’s storage units. Donald had left it behind when he and Scrooge fell out, not wanting to “owe” Scrooge anything, and bought a car better suited for driving children around in. He’s surprised that Scrooge kept it all this time, and Scrooge reminds him that it’s Donald’s car, and Donald gets his trusty old 313 back. Ten years of neglect means it needs serious TLC, but Donald and Uno are willing to put in the work needed to fix it back up. The kids aren’t impressed with the 313; all they see is an old car, but Donald, Uno, Gladstone and Scrooge all have memories about that car.

* Uno doesn’t go with them to St. Canard where Donald & Co. (including Gladstone) meet Darkwing Duck. Donald, though, on a whim took his Paperinik suit (which Uno noticed), and ends up donning the suit in order to save his family with Darkwing’s help. Darkwing, afterwards, talks to Paperinik about it, encouraging him to take up hero work again, as “[his] kids are growing up and don’t need so much protecting, but there’s an entire world that doesn’t even know it’s in trouble, and it needs heroes.” 

* Also, it’s on this St. Canard trip that Gladstone, of all people, finds out Donald is Paperinik. While going out to eat with Donald, Scrooge, the kids (including Gosalyn) and Drake Mallard, Gladstone realizes he was missing his wallet and doubles back to the room he’s sharing with Donald. Unfortunately for Donald, who had haphazardly thrown his PK suit back into its secret compartment, Gladstone notices part of the suit sticking out of the suitcase. He pulls it out and realizes the truth- not just because Donald has the suit, but because the suit is warm. It was, clearly, just worn. He goes to rejoin the others, intending to confront Donald about it, but when he sees Donald listening as the kids all excitedly recounted what happened he realizes he just can’t do that to Donald. Donald doesn’t know until much later that Gladstone knows.

* After the St. Canard trip, Donald recounts what happened to Uno, who agrees with Darkwing but ultimately leaves the decision up to Donald. After some debate, Donald decides they’re right, but he needs a proper HQ again. Uno is delighted by this prospect; he totally wants a facility to play with again. This ends up with them salvaging the remains of Ducklair tower (including a certain AI in a super secret chamber *cough*) from where they’re stored, and rebuilding the tower. Yes, they totally get Everett Ducklair’s help for this. Even after the tower is rebuilt (and left in possession of Solomon (the AI mentioned earlier)) Uno sticks mostly to his android form, but is capable of retaking the AI space in the tower (just as Solomon is able to do, as well) when needed.

* As a funny note, one day at the mansion everyone’s just hanging out together inside when Solomon just shows up at the door, needing to speak to Donald (and annoyed that he wasn’t picking up the phone). Cue confusion as everyone tries to figure out how Donald knows Solomon, and Donald and Uno having to come up with an excuse on the spot (“Right uhhh Solomon is actually Uno’s older brother! So uh, yeah.” “… They look nothing alike.” “Adopted brother.” “They have different last names.” “We kept our birth names.” “But-” “They’re brothers, okay?”)

* EVRONIANS RETURN. Because I actually like the Evronians. Their return is what solidifies Donald’s choice to return to hero work.

* Scrooge is incredibly suspicious of Donald being PK, and has been for years. However, he has no solid proof and keeps his beak shut about it.

* Donald and Uno realize Gladstone knows Donald is PK when Donald (as Donald) has to save their tails and Gladstone is not surprised at all. I won’t go into details about this scene because I really want to write/draw it out. This moment is also what convinces Scrooge that Donald is Paperinik.

* The way they all find out Uno is an android differs from person to person, most on accident but at least one is Uno telling them. Not gonna reveal details for this one, though.

* Duckburg may or may not be destroyed at some point…

And I have to go for now, but this is a good list of things about this AU. It’s not canon-compliant, but I tried to make the AU follow canon as closely as possible while mixing in some of the PK canon, too. Which is, surprisingly, less hard to do since Huey, Dewey and Louie weren’t that involved in PK in the first place.

[ecotone99]

[HR] Demons

Spring of 1867

“What’s this doing way out here?” Matt asked his brother, Tom.

“I Dunno,” Tom replied. The two young boys gazed down at the mangled body of a lamb, its chest rising and falling rapidly.

“We should show dad,” Matt suggested.

“Nah, they can’t do anything for it. We should just put it out of its misery,” he paused. “But there’s something I want to try first.”

Matt was slightly disturbed by this, but he didn’t say anything.

“Relax, I’m not going to hurt it. I just want to… decorate it a bit,” Tom said, noticing his brother’s uneasiness.

Matt looked down at the poor animal and sighed. Tom could be a little insensitive at times, but Matt trusted him. Tom had an okay understanding of what is right and wrong, he just didn’t react as much as most people, so he came off as being cold-hearted.

Tom smiled, recognizing his triumph. He pulled out a sack he had brought from home and carefully scooped the lamb into it. Originally, the boys had come out to collect firewood in the forest next to their house, but their plans changed when they came upon the lamb. Finding the lamb was particularly unusual because, while the boys did live on a farm with livestock, all their sheep were mature and no one lived nearby enough for a lamb to have wandered off.

After a while of walking, Matt succumbed to his curiosity. “What did you mean by ‘decorated?’” he asked. He could tell Tom wanted to keep it a surprise, but he also knew his brother could not keep a secret, even if it was his own.

“I’ll tell you, but if you tell anyone else I will make your life miserable,” Tom said.

“Understood,” Matt replied. He knew his brother wouldn’t really do anything malicious or retaliatory, but he played along. He was used to this kind of empty verbal abuse.

“Alright, I found this book last time we went into town, and it had some instructions for some freaky cult stuff. I knew neither of our parents would have let me get it, so I stuffed it under my shirt and hoped for the best. A few of the offering or… whatever they are called for ‘the sacrifice of an innocent,’ so I figured this lamb would work. Most of the pages are incomprehensible chicken-scratch, but I found a few pages that were translated.

“So you’re telling me you are a convert to a cult you know next-to-nothing about and you intend to perform a ritualistic sacrifice in honor of said cult’s God or Gods whom you also know next to nothing about?” Matt asked, sincerely concerned.

“Not quite. The reason I’m so interested is because the notes said the rituals have results— like flashing lights and strange noises, so I’ve been meaning to test it myself, but I haven’t had anything to use without being cruel. Then, exactly what I need conveniently appears before me; how could I not use it?

Matt gave him a look of fearful apprehension. “Do you think it will work?” He asked gravely. Tom did not respond.

The boys made it back to the house with the firewood and the lamb with ample time to test the book before lunch. Careful to avoid being noticed, the boys dumped the firewood next to the stump they and their father chopped wood on, walked up to the porch, and entered the house. Matt and Tom lived in a mostly white two-story house with a porch and portico across the front and gable roof with wood shingles. The land behind the house stretched out into farmland and the rest was either woods or meadow.

The brothers walked up to their room on the second story, anxious to see what would happen. Matt was still skeptical about Tom’s little experiment, but he wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to see something unexplainable. They walked in. The room contained two simple beds, a window, two nightstands, and a dresser they both shared with a collection of books and supplies messily laid on top of it. Tom pulled the book out from under his bed and flipped through it, searching for a translated page that fit their criteria. When he found one, he carefully tore it out and laid it on the floor.

The paper described a complex series of symbols that needed to be drawn out on the floor. Tom grabbed a bottle of ink and they got to work, using rolled up pieces of paper to draw so they could make thicker lines than pens. The next step required them to place the lamb amidst the symbols. As soon as they did this, the ink burst into flames that vanished as quickly as they came. The symbols were now permanently scorched into the floor. They both jumped back as this happened, startled.

“We know it works. We should stop now,” Matt said fearfully.

“We can’t stop now, we’ve already burnt a hole in the floor. There’s no turning back now.”

“I beg to differ,” Matt said, sterner this time. “If you paid attention at church you would know that fire represents Hell. We should definitely turn back now. I think we’d get in a lot less trouble if we just explained what happened up to this point, rather than accidentally worshipping Satan!”

“I’m sorry Matt, but I’m not stopping now. Having already read the final step, he acted upon it. He pulled out his pocket knife, flicked it open, and plunged it into the lamb’s chest, piercing its heart.

Hot wind swirled around the room and the flesh of the lamb began to peel away until only a skeleton remained. The area of the floor within the assortment of symbols began to char and crumble away leaving only an abyss. The abyss. To the horror of the two brothers, a long, bony, hand emerged from the abyss. It gripped onto the floorboards, causing them to splinter but not break. Having no better place to go, the boys slid under their respective beds.

The abomination which the hand belonged to pulled itself out of the hole, revealing its head and body. It looked as though it had been starved, but it was taller than any person and far more menacing. It still resembled a human, although it clearly lacked the psychological complexity. Its face was covered with wispy gray splotches as if it had smoke trapped under its skin. The creature also had two shallow dents where its eyes would have otherwise been. It had a gaping mouth lined with dozens of teeth that were as thin as toothpicks and sharp as nails. Its veins, as well as many of its bones such as the ribs and pelvis, were visible through its skin. It used its giant hands to smash through the walls like paper mache and climbed down to ground level. As it began to walk away, Tom climbed out from under the bed.

“What are you doing? What if it notices you? “ Matt hissed.

“It’ll notice us if we stay so close to its portal. Or, if this one doesn’t, the next one will.”

Tom had a good point. The portal was unpredictable and could do anything at any moment, so they needed to get away as fast as possible. Matt followed his brother out of the room, down the stairs, and to the door. Tom cracked open the door and peered out, making sure the creature wasn’t waiting for them. The boys crept over to some nearby bushes for a place to hide. As they did this, a scream pierced the air. The boys’ heads whipped around just in time to see their mother skewered by the creature’s long and grotesque fingers.

“No!” Matt screamed. The creature turned its head to face them but, as it did, their father plunged a pitchfork into its chest. For a brief moment, the boys had hope that the creature could be seriously injured, but that hope was crushed quicker than it came. It showed no reaction to having just been stabbed in the chest. Instead, it picked their father up by his throat and threw him through the wall of the house. Then, it raised its arm and began to emit what could only be described as pure dark energy. The brothers watched in horror as their entire house, with their father inside, was reduced to mere splinters in a powerful explosive blast.

By this point, the boys began to run. Matt started to sob as the truth hit him. They had nothing left except each other.

“What are we going to do?” Matt wailed. “We have nowhere to go and no one to take care of us.”

“We’re gonna be okay,” Tom lied. He didn’t want to see Matt cry, but there wasn’t anything more helpful to say. They could only run.

After more than a half-hour of running, they came upon a fallen tree that, along with the dirt, formed a small cave. They both stopped here and, without a word between them, laid down to rest.

After about fifteen minutes, the boys got up.

“We’re going to need some firewood for later tonight. I’ll go get some,” Matt said. “I brought my pocket knife. That has flint and steel for a fire.”

“We killed them you know,” Matt said as Tom started to leave.

“Don’t talk like that. We didn’t do shit. It was me who kept pushing it when you told me to stop. It was me who had the damn idea in the first place. Why are you blaming yourself, too? Why don’t you hate me?”

Matt didn’t know how to reply.

“I’ll be back,” Tom said as he left to retrieve the firewood.

About ten minutes later, Tom returned to find Matt lying on the ground in a pool of blood, a stick thrust into his abdomen. He was wincing in pain and breathing heavily. Tom rushed over.

“No, no, no! What happened?” He took a second to think about the situation. “You’ll be okay. Just don’t remove the stick and you’ll be okay. We can get you into town.” He started to remove his shirt to use as a bandage, but Matt stopped him.

This wasn’t an accident, Tom. I did this. I thought about it a lot. Our lives are terrible and they will continue to be terrible until the end.”

Tom’s expression immediately changed. “You selfish asshole! Did you think about me?! I can’t live alone! You were worried about killing someone? Now you’ve gone and done it!” He screamed. Tom pulled out his pocket knife and pushed it into his wrist, letting the blood drip onto his lap.

“No. You don’t have to do that. Stop,” Matt croaked.

“Like hell, I don’t.”

Matt leaned against Tom's shoulder and the two brothers died together.

About one month later

Roselake Weekly News

On April 30th, 1867, the bodies of two children were found three miles from the small, neighboring town of Whitewood. The children have been confirmed to be the boys of Andy and Margaret Johnson. Both are suspected to have committed suicide, likely after the events one month before they were found when they are thought to have brutally attacked and killed their mother and father. This conviction was given by the grandparents of the boys who “have always known demons reside in those children.” The couple discovered the crime when they came to visit for Easter, only to find their daughter had been stabbed with a pitchfork and their son-in-law burnt to a crisp under the remnants of what used to be the Johnson’s home., which had been set aflame while he was inside. Margaret’s mother went on to say that “only those Godforsaken devil-children would do such a thing” and “[The children] have always been horrible, I am hardly surprised.” Further evidence was found at the scene of the crime by the sheriff, who claimed the father was clutching a note bearing the words “Forgive my boys. They don’t understand.” This note was reinforced by the fact that the family has a history of serious and obscure mental disorders.

For three weeks, many citizens of Whitewood searched for the boys to no avail, but just recently a group of hikers stumbled upon the bodies of the two brothers and reported them to the sheriff. After hearing the grim story of the Johnson family, the hikers brought it here to Roselake, where slightly twisted versions began to spread as myths and legends. The event became a popular campfire horror story and was spread throughout multiple towns.

submitted by /u/Sagacious_Potato [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2KSpvkf

[jesseneufeld]

Cannabis is medicine — don’t make it taste good

Most of the clinical fiascos I’ve seen and heard about associated with cannabis consumption have involved the use of cannabis edibles, going back to the days when two bohemian college roommates visited Amsterdam, took two “space cakes,” waited 30 minutes, took two more, and spent the next 20 hours clinging to each other and hiding in the closet. I asked, “How was Amsterdam?” In unison, they replied, “We don’t know.”

I was surprised recently to be accused of “reefer madness” when I suggested, on Twitter, that cannabis shouldn’t be formulated into gummy bears or other succulent treats that a young child or a pet could gleefully over-consume. According to my logic, if cannabis is, or can be used as, a medicine, one should make it look and taste like a medicine. If we wouldn’t put ibuprofen into a candy, why would we put a psychoactive substance like THC into a chocolate bar? To me this is a no-brainer, but some people appear to take any limitation on their inherent right to consume medicine (or get stoned) by eating a gummy bear quite seriously.

Edibles have fueled the debate about cannabis safety

The topic of cannabis edibles is a flashpoint in the debate over how cannabis should be legalized and regulated, with arguments of personal freedom and responsibility clashing with concerns for public health. As with many things cannabis-related, the issue is highly politicized, and usually, when a new study comes out about some cannabis-related benefit or harm, such as levels of teenage usage, crime rates, medical uses, or driving statistics, there isn’t consensus on either the validity of the data or the implications of the data. It can be difficult to get a clear picture of the true benefits and dangers of cannabis.

Availability of edibles and emergency room visits

A recent study in the Annals of Internal Medicine discussed ED visits that were “deemed at least partially attributable to cannabis,” meaning that other conditions and factors could have been contributing to the admission. The study authors suggest that visits for cannabis edibles in the ED have been steadily rising in Colorado as a consequence of legalization of cannabis. Another explanation for the perceived increase in cannabis-related ED visits is that with legalization, patients are finally able to state the true reason they are in the ED without fear of getting in trouble with law enforcement or social services for using an illegal drug.

Personally, I believe the premise that ED visits are up for cannabis, in part because of the availability of edibles, and because of the many anecdotal stories I have heard through lifelong involvement with this issue. For example, an acquaintance, who is trying to be open-minded about a family member who uses medical cannabis, consumed that family member’s THC-infused medicinal chocolate bar which he found, unmarked, in the fridge, and ended up in the emergency department with a panic attack. This should never happen. By leaving a medicated but unmarked edible lying around, you put someone else’s well-being at risk. What if that person tried to drive? Then even someone else could have been harmed. The same goes for cannabis-infused barbecue sauce, pizza, honey, etc. I would suggest that these items are intrinsically too dangerous, in terms of accidental or incidental risk to others, to market and sell.

On social media, some people defend this type of risk, or the risk of exposure of a small child or a pet to some cannabis-infused treat, by saying, most commonly, “People should be responsible,” “A few irresponsible people shouldn’t ruin it for the rest of us,” or “Parents should just not leave it out around their kids.” Not to be cynical, but after practicing as a primary care doctor for 25 years, I can say with confidence: not all adults act like responsible adults. Also, even responsible adults can make mistakes. Any unmarked “spiked” consumable risks the well-being of anyone who is not aware of that fact.

Edibles are not for novice cannabis users

The main benefit of cannabis edibles is that they are long-acting — up to 12 hours — which can be helpful for chronic pain or chemotherapy patients. But the long-acting nature of edibles can also explain some of their menace: if you have consumed too high a dosage, you are stuck with it for a long time, and, if this is causing a panic attack, it can be extremely uncomfortable. It also can be difficult to gauge one’s dose correctly, as edibles can take from 30 to 200 minutes to kick in, and people often make the mistake of re-dosing too early, leading to an over-dosage and a miserable experience.

Edibles don’t always have the same effect every time

Edibles take effect more rapidly on an empty stomach, and their absorption depends on the amount of fat in your last meal. They aren’t always labeled accurately in dispensaries and, when cooked at home, the cannabis isn’t always evenly spread throughout the brownie batter. The effects of edibles are chemically different from that of smoked cannabis, because orally consumed cannabis passes more directly through the liver (versus the lungs) and the THC, which causes the high, is chemically converted to a different cannabinoid, called 11-hydroxy-THC, which has a different, and potentially stronger, psychoactive effect.

What if you’ve unknowingly consumed too much?

In clinic, with medical cannabis patients, I try to steer clear of problems with edibles altogether by advising all but the most experienced cannabis users to flat-out avoid them, and by reminding all patients to “start low and go slow.” If a medical or recreational cannabis user finds oneself in the unenviable situation of having consumed too large a dosage of a cannabis-containing edible, the best practice is to sit in a calm, quiet place, practice some mindfulness, hold the hand of a friend, drink plenty of water, try some CBD if you have it (which may antagonize the effect of the cannabis). Many people believe that consuming CBD helps negate the effects of THC, but this has not been definitively proven. Remind yourself that this will wear off, and you will be fine. This method almost always works. However, if you start to develop a full-blown panic attack, difficulty breathing, chest pain, or start having any unusual psychiatric symptoms, you must at that point consider having a friend take you to the emergency department.

If it can be used as a medicine, make it look like a pill

I believe there are a few sensible regulations that would reduce the problems caused by cannabis edibles: make them look and taste like medicine, in pill form, in pill bottles, with specific labeling that specifies exact dosages and with childproof packaging. This could go a long way toward helping us protect our pets and our kids, as well as those who find a benefit from cannabis and those around them. Sensible regulation of edibles may move us toward finding a larger patch of common ground on which to construct future cannabis policies.

The post Cannabis is medicine — don’t make it taste good appeared first on Harvard Health Blog.

Cannabis is medicine — don’t make it taste good published first on https://drugaddictionsrehab.tumblr.com/

[mhealthb007]

Most of the clinical fiascos I’ve seen and heard about associated with cannabis consumption have involved the use of cannabis edibles, going back to the days when two bohemian college roommates visited Amsterdam, took two “space cakes,” waited 30 minutes, took two more, and spent the next 20 hours clinging to each other and hiding in the closet. I asked, “How was Amsterdam?” In unison, they replied, “We don’t know.”

I was surprised recently to be accused of “reefer madness” when I suggested, on Twitter, that cannabis shouldn’t be formulated into gummy bears or other succulent treats that a young child or a pet could gleefully over-consume. According to my logic, if cannabis is, or can be used as, a medicine, one should make it look and taste like a medicine. If we wouldn’t put ibuprofen into a candy, why would we put a psychoactive substance like THC into a chocolate bar? To me this is a no-brainer, but some people appear to take any limitation on their inherent right to consume medicine (or get stoned) by eating a gummy bear quite seriously.

Edibles have fueled the debate about cannabis safety

The topic of cannabis edibles is a flashpoint in the debate over how cannabis should be legalized and regulated, with arguments of personal freedom and responsibility clashing with concerns for public health. As with many things cannabis-related, the issue is highly politicized, and usually, when a new study comes out about some cannabis-related benefit or harm, such as levels of teenage usage, crime rates, medical uses, or driving statistics, there isn’t consensus on either the validity of the data or the implications of the data. It can be difficult to get a clear picture of the true benefits and dangers of cannabis.

Availability of edibles and emergency room visits

A recent study in the Annals of Internal Medicine discussed ED visits that were “deemed at least partially attributable to cannabis,” meaning that other conditions and factors could have been contributing to the admission. The study authors suggest that visits for cannabis edibles in the ED have been steadily rising in Colorado as a consequence of legalization of cannabis. Another explanation for the perceived increase in cannabis-related ED visits is that with legalization, patients are finally able to state the true reason they are in the ED without fear of getting in trouble with law enforcement or social services for using an illegal drug.

Personally, I believe the premise that ED visits are up for cannabis, in part because of the availability of edibles, and because of the many anecdotal stories I have heard through lifelong involvement with this issue. For example, an acquaintance, who is trying to be open-minded about a family member who uses medical cannabis, consumed that family member’s THC-infused medicinal chocolate bar which he found, unmarked, in the fridge, and ended up in the emergency department with a panic attack. This should never happen. By leaving a medicated but unmarked edible lying around, you put someone else’s well-being at risk. What if that person tried to drive? Then even someone else could have been harmed. The same goes for cannabis-infused barbecue sauce, pizza, honey, etc. I would suggest that these items are intrinsically too dangerous, in terms of accidental or incidental risk to others, to market and sell.

On social media, some people defend this type of risk, or the risk of exposure of a small child or a pet to some cannabis-infused treat, by saying, most commonly, “People should be responsible,” “A few irresponsible people shouldn’t ruin it for the rest of us,” or “Parents should just not leave it out around their kids.” Not to be cynical, but after practicing as a primary care doctor for 25 years, I can say with confidence: not all adults act like responsible adults. Also, even responsible adults can make mistakes. Any unmarked “spiked” consumable risks the well-being of anyone who is not aware of that fact.

Edibles are not for novice cannabis users

The main benefit of cannabis edibles is that they are long-acting — up to 12 hours — which can be helpful for chronic pain or chemotherapy patients. But the long-acting nature of edibles can also explain some of their menace: if you have consumed too high a dosage, you are stuck with it for a long time, and, if this is causing a panic attack, it can be extremely uncomfortable. It also can be difficult to gauge one’s dose correctly, as edibles can take from 30 to 200 minutes to kick in, and people often make the mistake of re-dosing too early, leading to an over-dosage and a miserable experience.

Edibles don’t always have the same effect every time

Edibles take effect more rapidly on an empty stomach, and their absorption depends on the amount of fat in your last meal. They aren’t always labeled accurately in dispensaries and, when cooked at home, the cannabis isn’t always evenly spread throughout the brownie batter. The effects of edibles are chemically different from that of smoked cannabis, because orally consumed cannabis passes more directly through the liver (versus the lungs) and the THC, which causes the high, is chemically converted to a different cannabinoid, called 11-hydroxy-THC, which has a different, and potentially stronger, psychoactive effect.

What if you’ve unknowingly consumed too much?

In clinic, with medical cannabis patients, I try to steer clear of problems with edibles altogether by advising all but the most experienced cannabis users to flat-out avoid them, and by reminding all patients to “start low and go slow.” If a medical or recreational cannabis user finds oneself in the unenviable situation of having consumed too large a dosage of a cannabis-containing edible, the best practice is to sit in a calm, quiet place, practice some mindfulness, hold the hand of a friend, drink plenty of water, try some CBD if you have it (which may antagonize the effect of the cannabis). Many people believe that consuming CBD helps negate the effects of THC, but this has not been definitively proven. Remind yourself that this will wear off, and you will be fine. This method almost always works. However, if you start to develop a full-blown panic attack, difficulty breathing, chest pain, or start having any unusual psychiatric symptoms, you must at that point consider having a friend take you to the emergency department.

If it can be used as a medicine, make it look like a pill

I believe there are a few sensible regulations that would reduce the problems caused by cannabis edibles: make them look and taste like medicine, in pill form, in pill bottles, with specific labeling that specifies exact dosages and with childproof packaging. This could go a long way toward helping us protect our pets and our kids, as well as those who find a benefit from cannabis and those around them. Sensible regulation of edibles may move us toward finding a larger patch of common ground on which to construct future cannabis policies.

The post Cannabis is medicine — don’t make it taste good appeared first on Harvard Health Blog.

from Harvard Health Blog http://bit.ly/2wGuFZO Original Content By : http://bit.ly/1UayBFY

[samanthasroberts]

Jar Jar Binks, Watto and more most annoying things in the Star Wars universe

Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

Weve been through a lot together, Star Wars fans, from pod-racing to Kylo Rens lightsaber. We’ve dealt with Liam Neesons luxurious hair and Ewan McGregors luxurious hair and Harrison Fords luxurious hair and Adam Drivers luxurious hair.

While most of the journey has been an exciting trip to a world we wished we lived in, there are some notable pain points hate-inducing enough to make even the most loyal of fans curse George Lucas name. Whoose you thinksa Im talking aboutsa?

SEE ALSO: ‘Rogue One’ director justifies reshoots: ‘Star Wars has to be fantastic’

Below, 13 of the most annoying things about Star Wars.

13. Baby Boba Fett

This one tops a lot of lists of worst Star Wars characters, but it’s only because adult Boba Fett is so universally adored. Maybe its the unexciting revelation that he’s a clone of Jango Fett, the Mandalorian warrior who is also cloned for the aptly named Clone Army, that upsets people, or its that their favorite character is unveiled as a dumb kid who spends most of his scenes glaring and silently brooding. He might as well not have been there and maybe it would have been better that way. The mystery was one of the most alluring aspects of Boba Fett to begin with.

12. Ewoks

This is a touchy one. For the record, I do not have a problem with Ewoks. I also, since ceasing to be a 7-year-old kid, see how they could upset some people. Leia meets an animate teddy bear in the woods who threatens her and then immediately needs her help walking through the woods hes supposedly lived in his whole life. Its a stretch for us to believe that this species would have made it through the evolutionary wringer, let alone take down a legion of the most trained, feared and technologically advanced military in the galaxy.

SEE ALSO: Here’s how the ‘Star Wars’ droids could help you survive the holidays

11. Luke Skywalkers Maturity Level

When you watch A New Hope as a kid, Luke Skywalker is your hero. When you watch it again as an adult, you realize, Oh, wow, this guy is a kid.

At the storys beginning, Luke Skywalker is 16 and he acts like it, whining about chores and wishing he could instead go to Tosche station to get power converters. The first thing he does upon entering the Millennium Falcon is moan about what a piece of junk it is. He then interrupts the adults to scream, WHATS THAT FLASHING THING?! while trying to press all the blinking buttons on its dashboard like a spoiled toddler. Luckily for us, and the series, Luke grows up.

10. Nute Gunray

Image: starwars.com

The Neimoidian Viceroy of the Trade Federation and Separatist leader is cowardly, dumb and boring, all the while boasting an offensive Asian accent. Gunray is so bafflingly useless and obviously two-faced, the intelligence of all characters who trust him is immediately suspect. We would rejoice when Darth Sidious orders the newly named Darth Vader to do away with the Viceroy and his buds, but honestly we keep forgetting he exists each time he exits the screen.

9. Boss Nass

Gungans are already hard to love. So when their leader rolls in refusing to cooperate with our heroes and spraying saliva like a bad Richard Nixon impression, its especially hard to get on board. Maybe fans would have hated him less if the good Gungan name hadnt already been soured for so many by a certain Mr. Jar Jar of Binks.

8. Padawan Braid

Image: composite, all photos by starwars.com

George Lucas can call them Padawan braids, a symbol of rank in the Jedi training, but we all know what they are: rat-tails. Its tough to associate the single, long, skinny braid with the calm and enlightened Jedi order when so many of us associate it with that kid down the street who tried to steal beer out of peoples garages. Give us a bearded and long-haired Obi Wan, or No-bi Wan, please.

7. Sy Snootles and the Max Rebo Band

Barf. Barf. Barf. George Lucas claimed he always wished this musical interlude at Jabbas palace in Return of the Jedi could have been an extended sequence, and in 2000, the extreme hubris of the digitally remastered versions gave him his chance. The new CGI iteration of Sy Snootles, lead singer of the Max Rebo band, turned a strange but charming alien into an uncomfortably sexual one. It even threw in some anachronistic backup singers for good measure, along with a loud creature named Joh Yowza screaming in huttese directly into the camera. The tone is completely wrong for the setting, and frankly, its hard to watch. Even more cringe-worthy? The new song theyre singing is called Jedi Rocks. Woof.

6. Young Anakin

You know, maybe the character of Anakin Skywalker was doomed to fail. Maybe nothing could have ever matched our expectations. Darth Vader had been too perfect. He was the baddest baddie we had ever seen, how could his backstory ever have lived up to his future? Or maybe its that George Lucas has seemingly never interacted with a child, so for research, he watched Dennis the Menace and Leave it to Beaver and wrote down a few one-liners before calling it quits so he could spend more time planning Jar Jar Binks hijinks.

The resulting Little Ani is a cloyingly innocent 1950s cartoon character, practically on the verge of saying, Gee Whiz, Mister Qui-Gon! in every scene. Any evidence of his future capacity for deep emotion, any whispers of darkness that might be hidden in his heart, any foreshadowing of the towering villain he is to become is deafeningly absent.

When we saw Voldemorts childhood, we saw the events that led him to mature into an evil mass murderer and it enriched our fear of the villain, making it more confusing, more real. When we saw Darth Vaders childhood, we saw a bunch of lame jokes, a plain personality and pod-racing.

5. Jabba the Hutts Tongue

OH GOD. OH GOD NO. PUT IT BACK. PUT IT BACK IN YOUR MOUTH. I CANT LOOK. SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN ITS OVER. IM PUKING. IM PUKING RIGHT NOW.

4. Watto

Image: starwars.com

There is nothing to love about Watto. Hes a slave owner. He constantly flies around on flimsy wings that couldnt possibly support his bulbous, lazy body. Hes smarmy, arrogant and unintelligent. Oh, and hes a monstrously racist stereotype. Greedy, slimy, with a large nose and a middle-eastern accent, Watto feels like every false anti-semitic caricature come to life. The Toydarian junk-dealer takes up way too much space in The Phantom Menace, and honestly, his body looks so fragile its a shock that none of his slaves swatted him to finish him off. I know plenty of fans who are up to the job.

3. Cheesy Dialogue

Now that Im with you again, Im in agony. My heart is beating hoping that a kiss will not become a scar. Love wont save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that. The Force runs strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. And… my sister has it. Yes. It’s you, Leia.

Groaaaaaan. Look. George Lucas. Its OK. We all need an editor. Use one.

2. Midi-chlorians

The biggest knife in the back to die-hard Star Wars fans? The introduction of midi-chlorians in The Phantom Menace, answering the enormous question that no one was asking: How does the Force work? Qui-Gon tells us that midi-chlorians are little, microscopic life forms, living inside of cells that are the conduit for the Force.

The thing is, we already had an explanation for the Force from Obi Wan in A New Hope. Retroactively adding details about microscopic life forms living in your body doesnt totally fit with Obi Wans explanation, making our image of the Force messier instead of clearer. Midi-chlorians reduce a beautiful cosmic connection to something physical and less cool. Instead of expanding the Force, they narrow it. People have been frozen in carbonite for less heinous crimes.

1. Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

While many of the above offenders may be worse than the most notorious Gungan, nobody could take home the gold without me receiving a flood of death threats, so here you go! The worst part about Star Wars is Jar Jar Binks.

Jar Jars biggest crime is over-exposure. Maybe a measured amount of meesa so dumb dumb moments, executed with surgical precision would have, in fact, been a welcome distraction from an otherwise boring plot. Unfortunately, well never know Jar Jar Binks as anything other than the bumbling moron who pretty much laid out the red carpet for Palpatine to take over the Senate.

Kids loved him. Adults wanted to rip their eyeballs out of their skulls and shove them deep into their eardrums to keep from ever hearing him again. Intended to be lovable, actually unbearable, Jar Jar Binks blows and thats all there is to it.

BONUS: ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story’ reimagined as a homemade trailer

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/04/jar-jar-binks-watto-and-more-most-annoying-things-in-the-star-wars-universe/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/04/jar-jar-binks-watto-and-more-most-annoying-things-in-the-star-wars-universe/

[adambstingus]

Jar Jar Binks, Watto and more most annoying things in the Star Wars universe

Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

Weve been through a lot together, Star Wars fans, from pod-racing to Kylo Rens lightsaber. We’ve dealt with Liam Neesons luxurious hair and Ewan McGregors luxurious hair and Harrison Fords luxurious hair and Adam Drivers luxurious hair.

While most of the journey has been an exciting trip to a world we wished we lived in, there are some notable pain points hate-inducing enough to make even the most loyal of fans curse George Lucas name. Whoose you thinksa Im talking aboutsa?

SEE ALSO: ‘Rogue One’ director justifies reshoots: ‘Star Wars has to be fantastic’

Below, 13 of the most annoying things about Star Wars.

13. Baby Boba Fett

This one tops a lot of lists of worst Star Wars characters, but it’s only because adult Boba Fett is so universally adored. Maybe its the unexciting revelation that he’s a clone of Jango Fett, the Mandalorian warrior who is also cloned for the aptly named Clone Army, that upsets people, or its that their favorite character is unveiled as a dumb kid who spends most of his scenes glaring and silently brooding. He might as well not have been there and maybe it would have been better that way. The mystery was one of the most alluring aspects of Boba Fett to begin with.

12. Ewoks

This is a touchy one. For the record, I do not have a problem with Ewoks. I also, since ceasing to be a 7-year-old kid, see how they could upset some people. Leia meets an animate teddy bear in the woods who threatens her and then immediately needs her help walking through the woods hes supposedly lived in his whole life. Its a stretch for us to believe that this species would have made it through the evolutionary wringer, let alone take down a legion of the most trained, feared and technologically advanced military in the galaxy.

SEE ALSO: Here’s how the ‘Star Wars’ droids could help you survive the holidays

11. Luke Skywalkers Maturity Level

When you watch A New Hope as a kid, Luke Skywalker is your hero. When you watch it again as an adult, you realize, Oh, wow, this guy is a kid.

At the storys beginning, Luke Skywalker is 16 and he acts like it, whining about chores and wishing he could instead go to Tosche station to get power converters. The first thing he does upon entering the Millennium Falcon is moan about what a piece of junk it is. He then interrupts the adults to scream, WHATS THAT FLASHING THING?! while trying to press all the blinking buttons on its dashboard like a spoiled toddler. Luckily for us, and the series, Luke grows up.

10. Nute Gunray

Image: starwars.com

The Neimoidian Viceroy of the Trade Federation and Separatist leader is cowardly, dumb and boring, all the while boasting an offensive Asian accent. Gunray is so bafflingly useless and obviously two-faced, the intelligence of all characters who trust him is immediately suspect. We would rejoice when Darth Sidious orders the newly named Darth Vader to do away with the Viceroy and his buds, but honestly we keep forgetting he exists each time he exits the screen.

9. Boss Nass

Gungans are already hard to love. So when their leader rolls in refusing to cooperate with our heroes and spraying saliva like a bad Richard Nixon impression, its especially hard to get on board. Maybe fans would have hated him less if the good Gungan name hadnt already been soured for so many by a certain Mr. Jar Jar of Binks.

8. Padawan Braid

Image: composite, all photos by starwars.com

George Lucas can call them Padawan braids, a symbol of rank in the Jedi training, but we all know what they are: rat-tails. Its tough to associate the single, long, skinny braid with the calm and enlightened Jedi order when so many of us associate it with that kid down the street who tried to steal beer out of peoples garages. Give us a bearded and long-haired Obi Wan, or No-bi Wan, please.

7. Sy Snootles and the Max Rebo Band

Barf. Barf. Barf. George Lucas claimed he always wished this musical interlude at Jabbas palace in Return of the Jedi could have been an extended sequence, and in 2000, the extreme hubris of the digitally remastered versions gave him his chance. The new CGI iteration of Sy Snootles, lead singer of the Max Rebo band, turned a strange but charming alien into an uncomfortably sexual one. It even threw in some anachronistic backup singers for good measure, along with a loud creature named Joh Yowza screaming in huttese directly into the camera. The tone is completely wrong for the setting, and frankly, its hard to watch. Even more cringe-worthy? The new song theyre singing is called Jedi Rocks. Woof.

6. Young Anakin

You know, maybe the character of Anakin Skywalker was doomed to fail. Maybe nothing could have ever matched our expectations. Darth Vader had been too perfect. He was the baddest baddie we had ever seen, how could his backstory ever have lived up to his future? Or maybe its that George Lucas has seemingly never interacted with a child, so for research, he watched Dennis the Menace and Leave it to Beaver and wrote down a few one-liners before calling it quits so he could spend more time planning Jar Jar Binks hijinks.

The resulting Little Ani is a cloyingly innocent 1950s cartoon character, practically on the verge of saying, Gee Whiz, Mister Qui-Gon! in every scene. Any evidence of his future capacity for deep emotion, any whispers of darkness that might be hidden in his heart, any foreshadowing of the towering villain he is to become is deafeningly absent.

When we saw Voldemorts childhood, we saw the events that led him to mature into an evil mass murderer and it enriched our fear of the villain, making it more confusing, more real. When we saw Darth Vaders childhood, we saw a bunch of lame jokes, a plain personality and pod-racing.

5. Jabba the Hutts Tongue

OH GOD. OH GOD NO. PUT IT BACK. PUT IT BACK IN YOUR MOUTH. I CANT LOOK. SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN ITS OVER. IM PUKING. IM PUKING RIGHT NOW.

4. Watto

Image: starwars.com

There is nothing to love about Watto. Hes a slave owner. He constantly flies around on flimsy wings that couldnt possibly support his bulbous, lazy body. Hes smarmy, arrogant and unintelligent. Oh, and hes a monstrously racist stereotype. Greedy, slimy, with a large nose and a middle-eastern accent, Watto feels like every false anti-semitic caricature come to life. The Toydarian junk-dealer takes up way too much space in The Phantom Menace, and honestly, his body looks so fragile its a shock that none of his slaves swatted him to finish him off. I know plenty of fans who are up to the job.

3. Cheesy Dialogue

Now that Im with you again, Im in agony. My heart is beating hoping that a kiss will not become a scar. Love wont save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that. The Force runs strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. And… my sister has it. Yes. It’s you, Leia.

Groaaaaaan. Look. George Lucas. Its OK. We all need an editor. Use one.

2. Midi-chlorians

The biggest knife in the back to die-hard Star Wars fans? The introduction of midi-chlorians in The Phantom Menace, answering the enormous question that no one was asking: How does the Force work? Qui-Gon tells us that midi-chlorians are little, microscopic life forms, living inside of cells that are the conduit for the Force.

The thing is, we already had an explanation for the Force from Obi Wan in A New Hope. Retroactively adding details about microscopic life forms living in your body doesnt totally fit with Obi Wans explanation, making our image of the Force messier instead of clearer. Midi-chlorians reduce a beautiful cosmic connection to something physical and less cool. Instead of expanding the Force, they narrow it. People have been frozen in carbonite for less heinous crimes.

1. Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

While many of the above offenders may be worse than the most notorious Gungan, nobody could take home the gold without me receiving a flood of death threats, so here you go! The worst part about Star Wars is Jar Jar Binks.

Jar Jars biggest crime is over-exposure. Maybe a measured amount of meesa so dumb dumb moments, executed with surgical precision would have, in fact, been a welcome distraction from an otherwise boring plot. Unfortunately, well never know Jar Jar Binks as anything other than the bumbling moron who pretty much laid out the red carpet for Palpatine to take over the Senate.

Kids loved him. Adults wanted to rip their eyeballs out of their skulls and shove them deep into their eardrums to keep from ever hearing him again. Intended to be lovable, actually unbearable, Jar Jar Binks blows and thats all there is to it.

BONUS: ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story’ reimagined as a homemade trailer

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/04/jar-jar-binks-watto-and-more-most-annoying-things-in-the-star-wars-universe/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/168171128242

[allofbeercom]

Jar Jar Binks, Watto and more most annoying things in the Star Wars universe

Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

Weve been through a lot together, Star Wars fans, from pod-racing to Kylo Rens lightsaber. We’ve dealt with Liam Neesons luxurious hair and Ewan McGregors luxurious hair and Harrison Fords luxurious hair and Adam Drivers luxurious hair.

While most of the journey has been an exciting trip to a world we wished we lived in, there are some notable pain points hate-inducing enough to make even the most loyal of fans curse George Lucas name. Whoose you thinksa Im talking aboutsa?

SEE ALSO: ‘Rogue One’ director justifies reshoots: ‘Star Wars has to be fantastic’

Below, 13 of the most annoying things about Star Wars.

13. Baby Boba Fett

This one tops a lot of lists of worst Star Wars characters, but it’s only because adult Boba Fett is so universally adored. Maybe its the unexciting revelation that he’s a clone of Jango Fett, the Mandalorian warrior who is also cloned for the aptly named Clone Army, that upsets people, or its that their favorite character is unveiled as a dumb kid who spends most of his scenes glaring and silently brooding. He might as well not have been there and maybe it would have been better that way. The mystery was one of the most alluring aspects of Boba Fett to begin with.

12. Ewoks

This is a touchy one. For the record, I do not have a problem with Ewoks. I also, since ceasing to be a 7-year-old kid, see how they could upset some people. Leia meets an animate teddy bear in the woods who threatens her and then immediately needs her help walking through the woods hes supposedly lived in his whole life. Its a stretch for us to believe that this species would have made it through the evolutionary wringer, let alone take down a legion of the most trained, feared and technologically advanced military in the galaxy.

SEE ALSO: Here’s how the ‘Star Wars’ droids could help you survive the holidays

11. Luke Skywalkers Maturity Level

When you watch A New Hope as a kid, Luke Skywalker is your hero. When you watch it again as an adult, you realize, Oh, wow, this guy is a kid.

At the storys beginning, Luke Skywalker is 16 and he acts like it, whining about chores and wishing he could instead go to Tosche station to get power converters. The first thing he does upon entering the Millennium Falcon is moan about what a piece of junk it is. He then interrupts the adults to scream, WHATS THAT FLASHING THING?! while trying to press all the blinking buttons on its dashboard like a spoiled toddler. Luckily for us, and the series, Luke grows up.

10. Nute Gunray

Image: starwars.com

The Neimoidian Viceroy of the Trade Federation and Separatist leader is cowardly, dumb and boring, all the while boasting an offensive Asian accent. Gunray is so bafflingly useless and obviously two-faced, the intelligence of all characters who trust him is immediately suspect. We would rejoice when Darth Sidious orders the newly named Darth Vader to do away with the Viceroy and his buds, but honestly we keep forgetting he exists each time he exits the screen.

9. Boss Nass

Gungans are already hard to love. So when their leader rolls in refusing to cooperate with our heroes and spraying saliva like a bad Richard Nixon impression, its especially hard to get on board. Maybe fans would have hated him less if the good Gungan name hadnt already been soured for so many by a certain Mr. Jar Jar of Binks.

8. Padawan Braid

Image: composite, all photos by starwars.com

George Lucas can call them Padawan braids, a symbol of rank in the Jedi training, but we all know what they are: rat-tails. Its tough to associate the single, long, skinny braid with the calm and enlightened Jedi order when so many of us associate it with that kid down the street who tried to steal beer out of peoples garages. Give us a bearded and long-haired Obi Wan, or No-bi Wan, please.

7. Sy Snootles and the Max Rebo Band

Barf. Barf. Barf. George Lucas claimed he always wished this musical interlude at Jabbas palace in Return of the Jedi could have been an extended sequence, and in 2000, the extreme hubris of the digitally remastered versions gave him his chance. The new CGI iteration of Sy Snootles, lead singer of the Max Rebo band, turned a strange but charming alien into an uncomfortably sexual one. It even threw in some anachronistic backup singers for good measure, along with a loud creature named Joh Yowza screaming in huttese directly into the camera. The tone is completely wrong for the setting, and frankly, its hard to watch. Even more cringe-worthy? The new song theyre singing is called Jedi Rocks. Woof.

6. Young Anakin

You know, maybe the character of Anakin Skywalker was doomed to fail. Maybe nothing could have ever matched our expectations. Darth Vader had been too perfect. He was the baddest baddie we had ever seen, how could his backstory ever have lived up to his future? Or maybe its that George Lucas has seemingly never interacted with a child, so for research, he watched Dennis the Menace and Leave it to Beaver and wrote down a few one-liners before calling it quits so he could spend more time planning Jar Jar Binks hijinks.

The resulting Little Ani is a cloyingly innocent 1950s cartoon character, practically on the verge of saying, Gee Whiz, Mister Qui-Gon! in every scene. Any evidence of his future capacity for deep emotion, any whispers of darkness that might be hidden in his heart, any foreshadowing of the towering villain he is to become is deafeningly absent.

When we saw Voldemorts childhood, we saw the events that led him to mature into an evil mass murderer and it enriched our fear of the villain, making it more confusing, more real. When we saw Darth Vaders childhood, we saw a bunch of lame jokes, a plain personality and pod-racing.

5. Jabba the Hutts Tongue

OH GOD. OH GOD NO. PUT IT BACK. PUT IT BACK IN YOUR MOUTH. I CANT LOOK. SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN ITS OVER. IM PUKING. IM PUKING RIGHT NOW.

4. Watto

Image: starwars.com

There is nothing to love about Watto. Hes a slave owner. He constantly flies around on flimsy wings that couldnt possibly support his bulbous, lazy body. Hes smarmy, arrogant and unintelligent. Oh, and hes a monstrously racist stereotype. Greedy, slimy, with a large nose and a middle-eastern accent, Watto feels like every false anti-semitic caricature come to life. The Toydarian junk-dealer takes up way too much space in The Phantom Menace, and honestly, his body looks so fragile its a shock that none of his slaves swatted him to finish him off. I know plenty of fans who are up to the job.

3. Cheesy Dialogue

Now that Im with you again, Im in agony. My heart is beating hoping that a kiss will not become a scar. Love wont save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that. The Force runs strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. And… my sister has it. Yes. It’s you, Leia.

Groaaaaaan. Look. George Lucas. Its OK. We all need an editor. Use one.

2. Midi-chlorians

The biggest knife in the back to die-hard Star Wars fans? The introduction of midi-chlorians in The Phantom Menace, answering the enormous question that no one was asking: How does the Force work? Qui-Gon tells us that midi-chlorians are little, microscopic life forms, living inside of cells that are the conduit for the Force.

The thing is, we already had an explanation for the Force from Obi Wan in A New Hope. Retroactively adding details about microscopic life forms living in your body doesnt totally fit with Obi Wans explanation, making our image of the Force messier instead of clearer. Midi-chlorians reduce a beautiful cosmic connection to something physical and less cool. Instead of expanding the Force, they narrow it. People have been frozen in carbonite for less heinous crimes.

1. Jar Jar Binks

Image: starwars.com

While many of the above offenders may be worse than the most notorious Gungan, nobody could take home the gold without me receiving a flood of death threats, so here you go! The worst part about Star Wars is Jar Jar Binks.

Jar Jars biggest crime is over-exposure. Maybe a measured amount of meesa so dumb dumb moments, executed with surgical precision would have, in fact, been a welcome distraction from an otherwise boring plot. Unfortunately, well never know Jar Jar Binks as anything other than the bumbling moron who pretty much laid out the red carpet for Palpatine to take over the Senate.

Kids loved him. Adults wanted to rip their eyeballs out of their skulls and shove them deep into their eardrums to keep from ever hearing him again. Intended to be lovable, actually unbearable, Jar Jar Binks blows and thats all there is to it.

BONUS: ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story’ reimagined as a homemade trailer

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/04/jar-jar-binks-watto-and-more-most-annoying-things-in-the-star-wars-universe/

[flauntpage]

RIP Anthony Young, Who Won a Little Bit and Lost A Lot

The family of Cliff Curtis, who pitched in the Major Leagues between 1909 and 1913, met with Anthony Young before his start against the St. Louis Cardinals on June 27, 1993. Curtis had died fifty years earlier, but he still had a spot in baseball history thanks to a fantastic spate of failures during his stint with the Boston Doves during the years before the First World War. Curtis lost a record 23 straight decisions during that stretch, and on June 27 Anthony Young had a chance to break that record.

"They wanted [the record] to stay in their family," Young told Sports Illustrated in 2015. By that point, he had been out of baseball for nearly two decades, and was managing a warehouse near Kingwood, Texas, and coaching 13- and 14-year-olds. "[I wish] they could have kept it."

Young lost that game against the Cardinals, 5-3. As with so many of the losses he absorbed during what would ultimately wind up being a streak of 27 straight losing decisions, he pitched just well enough to lose on a Mets team that was not nearly good enough to bail him out.

Young's streak began in 1992, but the bulk of it came during the Mets' world-historically nightmarish 1993 season. "I've never been more nervous before a start," Cardinals starter Joe Magrane said after the record-setting game. "I didn't want to be the answer to a trivia question: Who lost to Anthony Young? I would have rather been facing Dwight Gooden, or Bret Saberhagen."

The game in which Young broke Curtis's record was the team's "fifth consecutive loss, 11th in 12 games, 17th in 19, and 27 in 35," Newsday's Marty Noble wrote. "Since April 17, they have lost 48 of 63 games, never winning twice in succession." In doing so, the Mets set a record for the longest stretch in history without back-to-back wins, which blends into the background of the broader fiasco of those years; it's down there in the mix, somewhere below Bret Saberhagen using a SuperSoaker to shoot bleach at reporters and Bobby Bonilla menacing a reporter by offering to "show you the Bronx." Young is down there, too, and while he made history during his stretch, he was just about the only player on the Mets to fail with anything like distinction or dignity.

When Young died on Monday night, at the age of 51, the streak was mentioned in obituaries, but never by itself. Young happened to pitch fairly well during that time, and his 3.77 ERA and 109 ERA+ in 1993 made him one of the Mets' better pitchers. He converted 12 straight save chances during the streak, and at one point threw 23 and two-thirds scoreless innings. In what wound up being his 26th straight loss, Young held the San Diego Padres to three hits, retired 23 straight batters between the first and eighth innings, and lost 2-0.

The broader joke and injustice of it was that Young handled all that failure with a grace that stood out on a spectacularly graceless team in the moment, and stands out even more in retrospect. Those Mets teams squabbled and fumed and failed and fought and absolutely deserved their legacy as The Worst Team That Money Could Buy; they were in every way the fully realized broken-brained hangover at the end of a reckless and unsustainable era. They were terrible, and while Young's losses were a part of the team's total, they seemed to come from a different place. He took the ball when it was handed to him and did his best; he was, more often than not, good enough but not nearly lucky enough to win.

"It just happened to happen to me," Young told the New York Daily News in 2009. "I don't feel like I deserve it, but I'm known for it. Everything that could happen, happened."

Young rather humbly laid out his blessings elsewhere in that interview: kids and grandkids, a wife he loved, a chance to coach kids in a game that clearly mattered a great deal to him. There is gratitude for the ride that he had, which added up to five big-league seasons spent with three teams, and there is somewhere down in the subtext a certain wry understanding that the course of that ride was not really his to choose.

To say that this recognition is a rare thing among elite athletes is true, but it is not nearly sufficient. This is something that the superhuman specimens who play baseball for a living have in common with the mortals on the other side of the screen—not just the fantastic and forever thwarted delusion of control but a willed forgetfulness that makes failure seem like an outrage and a surprise. The reckoning with losses fair and unfair, not all the way into surrender but at least enough to afford a little bit of shade and peace and understanding, is part of the work of being alive. Losing and loss are different things, or at least far apart on a long continuum, but both are a part of life; both are paths to and tests of grace, and each has another side. "It's not embarrassing," Young said after his 24th straight loss. "Someone has to win, someone has to lose."

When the Mets finally ended the streak on July 28, 1993, on a walk-off double by the baleful ghost of Eddie Murray, the team reacted in the way that baseball teams do, bounding and bopping and exchanging bro-grabs at home plate. The camera finds Young, walking and looking more or less as he usually did—imperturbable, or at least unperturbed, poker-faced and tough. And then, just before it cuts away to the crowd, we finally see him smiling.

RIP Anthony Young, Who Won a Little Bit and Lost A Lot published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[janiklandre-blog]

Friday, March 24, 2017

9:30 a.m.  in the computer room - grateful to have a working computer at my disposal - grateful for the quiet of being alone with 10 computers - nevertheless struggling with feelings of weirdness - worry that my energies are waning - feeling so helpless over the vagaries of my energy levels - and so angry with the heartless people who are unwilling to learn anything  - and can be brutal - totally unaware of their brutality. Feeling helpful and saintly pointing to all the wonderful pills that offer control - ignorant of their side effects and why so many people say: these pills make me feel like not myself - they make me gain weight - they make me sleepy - and I am grateful to never have gone near "mother's little helper".

I do talk to a lot of people - I do try for an open mind - and have also by my psychiatrist friends enlightened to the fact that I am fortunate to be able to deal with waning and waxing energies without any medication and yet that there are many people who are indeed helped by medications - whose lives are made possible with the medications.

Much has been written about it by now - countless first person accounts many of which I have read - often remarking though that accounts thast end by praising medications seem to have a better chance of being published by big name publishers. Names do not come thst readily to my mind - but there are a number of people of fame and fortune who are "open" about their wild mood swings - they do the craziest things - and often do have the good fortune of an understanding surrounding - the Episcopalians often seem very understanding, helping members of their church to keep high positions and hiding some wild outbursts. Often it is also the upper classes - often members are given to great madness - who do have understanding and means to keep their members in good standing. What we call "simple people" with little what we call formal education - but with the true education of the heart - often by the suffering Tolstoy praised as an educator - who show much tolerance.

America has praised itself on it's classlessness - claiming all are born equal - of course we are not. There is the French term: petit bourgeois - occasionally used by Americans - in Germsn: Kleinbuerger - klein is small, Buerger is citizen - same as petit bourgeois - is used often - and behavior called: kleinbuergerlich - this is the class of social climbers, narrow minded, judgemental, intolerant, discontent and given to liking Hitlers and Trumps -a true menace. They are often a laughing stock and made fun of - there is a British Saturday night TV program on channel 13, I've watched it occasionally - can't think of the name - showing how sadly hilarious these people often can be in their aspiration to be what we call "Grossbuerger" - or better yet, aristocrats.

Sociology - I much enjoyed my two years of studying it - is based on philosophy - German philosophers Google will be much more helpful than I if you want to find out more about the history of sociology - in any event, sociology, psychology, anthropology all are very new sciences and trying to help us deal with that weird creature Homo Sapiens - the wise man, who alas is not very wise and right at this moment we are once again faced with dangerous lack of wiseness. Have not yet read Krugman today, nyt columnist, economist - only glimpsed at it - I believe he writes about the sad lows to which so called statesmen, politicians have sunk. A great lack of wise leaders - and many point to the assassinations and  now more and more good people are getting assassinated.

So while in America we are said all to be equal - as the European I still feel myself to be - I openly admit to class consciousness - and since my time now allows me to ponder such matters, I sadly see how much of my life I have come to spend with the petit bourgeois and suffering from their utter lack of understanding for me - and often being judged and scorned by them - for what they call excentric - and yes, I am excentric. I most certainly am not part of the "center" - "they" are so proudly part of - and know exactly how people are to behave - and now all these producers of pills and hordes of "therapists" thrive on making everybody - even tempered at all times.

Since I spend so much time reading and dwelling on these topics - for sure boring many - one of many many studies remains my mother (and also myself) - my mother who was born to two people from very diffrent background who both had in many ways risen above their background - were of a group much influenced by Marx - perhaps even read him - and referred to themselves as Proletarians. Also a group wanting to make all people equal!

My Jewish grandfather - coming from merchants - had become a locomotive engineer - not the lawyer or doctor he was supposed to become. My grandmother, born to an illiteraste, almost certainly Catholic maid - studied alongside my mother, by choice heer only child (perhsps not the best choice) - and later came to read the German philosophers (my mother snd I never did). Early my mother tutored Emmi von Uhle - minor aristocracy in her provincial town - and wanted to model herself on them - and a great virtue for aristocrats is: self control. I hear my mother saying to me: control yourself - an issue to this day - realizing by now how hard it can be at times to control myself, yet striving for it.

I am looking at the watch - the topic I wanted to dwell on was the term: offend, in German beleidigen - Leid is is sorrow, causing someone sorrow. I had to be sorely offended by Martha H. myself to come to think about all the offending that does go on at the CW - and also thinking who does freely and happily offend people - and having watched over the years how people react to being offended - many leave permanently and many temporarily. One of the much offended is Robert T. (I'm strictly forbidden to ever mention him) - who - after I said one wrong word to him did not speak to me for a year - would not even look at me - and yesterday on the phone begsn preaching to me the need for forgiveness and praying for the person for the person who offended me - he is a convert to Catholicism - a much tortured soul, who has done a lot for me - realizes I am one of the very few who truly appreciates his wondeerful qualities and accepts his lack of social skills. Would love to teach him some - but - by now it is accepted that he talks and I listen and he does not want to hear anything I might have to say. His loss. Still what I told him yesterday was - I am not a Catholic. I forgive a lot on the motto of tout comprendre c'est tout pardonner - to understand is to forgive - but - all this forgiving can also lead to stewing in our juices - which can lead to depression - anger turned inward - and also to aggression turned outward. All this aggression we see now all around us are angry people - acting out their anger in murderous ways.

We see far too little understanding - for the many ways anger is created - by a powerful highly armed empire - creating the terrible danger we live in. I do realize thst the woman who offended is much younger and very powerful in the group where I am marginal - feels entitled to offending me - and all I have is this here my computer to talk to and trying to figure out how I can channel my anger constructively.

Yesterday - tai chi at the church - a Chinese teacher - much geared to to many Chinese students - not terribly satisfactory to me - lunch, hard on my teeth - came home and fell asleep, a bit too long, worrying me (waning energies?) - off to Washington Square - a young man with a sign Deep Listening and some more words - 2012 Brandeis grad, sociology, grew up in Tribecca - lower Manhattan, totally unaware of anything that has gone on in the city, environment his intrerest, lived until recently in Boston, where he also tried to make money by listening, found a kinder environment - he does have a teaching job at an elite public high school, I think called Chealsy Latin prep - he made a few dollars from people taking photographs of him - the two lovely young women just in from Colorado began talking to him - at that point an angry man of color appeared, loudly cursing him out, the two young women fled - he stayed - I guess New York is tougher than Boston. In Boston he told me he had done very well.

Came home - find myself talking on my cell phone while my land line rings - I have no gizmo that tells me who called on my land line - so quickly pick it up and say call later - not very good - how do you handle having two phones? - then hurried to this here computer to answer my emails - I do try to be as polite and good mannered as I possibly can - ate some weird dinner - my teeth! - and then my friend still came - I had been invited to attend a baptism at the CW - some baby no one really knew - cannot say that intererests me - also don't want to see the woman that offended me - did sleep fairly well in my overheated apartment - here, sitting in a back apartment I am wearing a down jacket - in any event, it is 11 a.m. - thank you computer from doing some deep listening - I think I'll be off to the church - hope they have fish on Friday - I don't eat enough fish - yesterday in the nyt food section long story of woman fighting dementia with food - also with money and a great husband - in Columbia journal story of journalist going strong at 98, never exercised, never ate the right food - no one yet knows who gets hit by dementia and who does not. At this moment - all we can do - is pray - and thank God that while I have slowed down, don't walk well, can't eat most food, don't eat the right food, don't exercise as "they" say I should - I always say I am thankful to my parents to taking as good care of me as they could - endowing me with intelligence, good looks, social skills - and being able to function not as well as some - still a lot better than many my age, who are still alive. Marianne

[jesseneufeld]

Cannabis is medicine — don’t make it taste good

Most of the clinical fiascos I’ve seen and heard about associated with cannabis consumption have involved the use of cannabis edibles, going back to the days when two bohemian college roommates visited Amsterdam, took two “space cakes,” waited 30 minutes, took two more, and spent the next 20 hours clinging to each other and hiding in the closet. I asked, “How was Amsterdam?” In unison, they replied, “We don’t know.”

I was surprised recently to be accused of “reefer madness” when I suggested, on Twitter, that cannabis shouldn’t be formulated into gummy bears or other succulent treats that a young child or a pet could gleefully over-consume. According to my logic, if cannabis is, or can be used as, a medicine, one should make it look and taste like a medicine. If we wouldn’t put ibuprofen into a candy, why would we put a psychoactive substance like THC into a chocolate bar? To me this is a no-brainer, but some people appear to take any limitation on their inherent right to consume medicine (or get stoned) by eating a gummy bear quite seriously.

Edibles have fueled the debate about cannabis safety

The topic of cannabis edibles is a flashpoint in the debate over how cannabis should be legalized and regulated, with arguments of personal freedom and responsibility clashing with concerns for public health. As with many things cannabis-related, the issue is highly politicized, and usually, when a new study comes out about some cannabis-related benefit or harm, such as levels of teenage usage, crime rates, medical uses, or driving statistics, there isn’t consensus on either the validity of the data or the implications of the data. It can be difficult to get a clear picture of the true benefits and dangers of cannabis.

Availability of edibles and emergency room visits

A recent study in the Annals of Internal Medicine discussed ED visits that were “deemed at least partially attributable to cannabis,” meaning that other conditions and factors could have been contributing to the admission. The study authors suggest that visits for cannabis edibles in the ED have been steadily rising in Colorado as a consequence of legalization of cannabis. Another explanation for the perceived increase in cannabis-related ED visits is that with legalization, patients are finally able to state the true reason they are in the ED without fear of getting in trouble with law enforcement or social services for using an illegal drug.

Personally, I believe the premise that ED visits are up for cannabis, in part because of the availability of edibles, and because of the many anecdotal stories I have heard through lifelong involvement with this issue. For example, an acquaintance, who is trying to be open-minded about a family member who uses medical cannabis, consumed that family member’s THC-infused medicinal chocolate bar which he found, unmarked, in the fridge, and ended up in the emergency department with a panic attack. This should never happen. By leaving a medicated but unmarked edible lying around, you put someone else’s well-being at risk. What if that person tried to drive? Then even someone else could have been harmed. The same goes for cannabis-infused barbecue sauce, pizza, honey, etc. I would suggest that these items are intrinsically too dangerous, in terms of accidental or incidental risk to others, to market and sell.

On social media, some people defend this type of risk, or the risk of exposure of a small child or a pet to some cannabis-infused treat, by saying, most commonly, “People should be responsible,” “A few irresponsible people shouldn’t ruin it for the rest of us,” or “Parents should just not leave it out around their kids.” Not to be cynical, but after practicing as a primary care doctor for 25 years, I can say with confidence: not all adults act like responsible adults. Also, even responsible adults can make mistakes. Any unmarked “spiked” consumable risks the well-being of anyone who is not aware of that fact.

Edibles are not for novice cannabis users

The main benefit of cannabis edibles is that they are long-acting — up to 12 hours — which can be helpful for chronic pain or chemotherapy patients. But the long-acting nature of edibles can also explain some of their menace: if you have consumed too high a dosage, you are stuck with it for a long time, and, if this is causing a panic attack, it can be extremely uncomfortable. It also can be difficult to gauge one’s dose correctly, as edibles can take from 30 to 200 minutes to kick in, and people often make the mistake of re-dosing too early, leading to an over-dosage and a miserable experience.

Edibles don’t always have the same effect every time

Edibles take effect more rapidly on an empty stomach, and their absorption depends on the amount of fat in your last meal. They aren’t always labeled accurately in dispensaries and, when cooked at home, the cannabis isn’t always evenly spread throughout the brownie batter. The effects of edibles are chemically different from that of smoked cannabis, because orally consumed cannabis passes more directly through the liver (versus the lungs) and the THC, which causes the high, is chemically converted to a different cannabinoid, called 11-hydroxy-THC, which has a different, and potentially stronger, psychoactive effect.

What if you’ve unknowingly consumed too much?

In clinic, with medical cannabis patients, I try to steer clear of problems with edibles altogether by advising all but the most experienced cannabis users to flat-out avoid them, and by reminding all patients to “start low and go slow.” If a medical or recreational cannabis user finds oneself in the unenviable situation of having consumed too large a dosage of a cannabis-containing edible, the best practice is to sit in a calm, quiet place, practice some mindfulness, hold the hand of a friend, drink plenty of water, try some CBD if you have it (which may antagonize the effect of the cannabis). Many people believe that consuming CBD helps negate the effects of THC, but this has not been definitively proven. Remind yourself that this will wear off, and you will be fine. This method almost always works. However, if you start to develop a full-blown panic attack, difficulty breathing, chest pain, or start having any unusual psychiatric symptoms, you must at that point consider having a friend take you to the emergency department.

If it can be used as a medicine, make it look like a pill

I believe there are a few sensible regulations that would reduce the problems caused by cannabis edibles: make them look and taste like medicine, in pill form, in pill bottles, with specific labeling that specifies exact dosages and with childproof packaging. This could go a long way toward helping us protect our pets and our kids, as well as those who find a benefit from cannabis and those around them. Sensible regulation of edibles may move us toward finding a larger patch of common ground on which to construct future cannabis policies.

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