#(i mean it is technically him okay)
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Hey, don't cry. Ghost yuri, okay?
(Now that you know the girls, they need to meet the boys!)
#payneland#edwin x charles#dead boy detectives#dbda#fem payneland#although technically as everyone is the opposite gender their last names should be different#OKAY you know the drill u get fanart and i get to ramble about it#Edith wears pants now#this pains me because i love drawing skirts but after she escaped hell#she met charlotte who made an offhand comment about how it's easier to move with pants#and edith who just spent 70 years running in hell went wait a tick#she feels safer that way is what i'm saying#interesting because as you can see she wore a skirt to confess and we know how THAT went but anyway#charlotte's mom was abusive of course#and she forced her to practice ballet despite charlotte being interested in a lot of other sports#she did fairly well at ballet but this means no cricket bat :(#i know we all love butch fem charles but as he's mostly gender conforming i decided to not do that#no reason for the bracelets but as i wanted to give her a choker i thought they would combine with the earrings#crystal is still crystal because his parents are weird artists who like stupid names#niko though... i don't know what to name him#dead girl detectives
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Haven't been able to think about anything other than the victorian/edwardian/WW1 twink and his 80's punk almost-boyfriend for a week, send help
#this tv show has consumed my every thought#it's like tumblr catnip#go watch it#it will eat away at your brain#there's also a butch lesbian butcher#an autistic manga loving weirdo (my beloved)#and a badass psychic who's also a mess#WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?#updating the post bc the reblogs lead me on a WILD wiki rabbit hole about the eras of England#okay so Edwin is born in 1900 which means he was born 1 year before the end of the Victorian era (1837-1901) so technically he's a victoria#baby who lived his childhood in the Edwardian era (1901-1910) and his teens in the pre/start of WW1 era (started in 1914)#until he was killed :( in 1916#so my boy here lived though MANY historical events and time periods#shout out to my victorian/edwardian/WW1 twink#history is very fun and this is why i love this website bc where else would i have to do research for my blorbo?#I do however find it very funny if Gaiman named him Edwin in honour of the Edwardian time period he grew up in#I love that man and it wouldn't surprise me if he turned out to be a history nerd (affectionate) like the rest of you#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace#niko dbd#dbd#please feel free to dm me about history i adore it
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“Zuko?” Ming searched for the Prince in his silence. He was staring intently out of the window, mouth blown wide open, eyes distant and awed and sincere. Oh. His whisper was a fragile, breathless thing.
“We're here.”
Ming’s doubts and concerns are hers alone, but that doesn't mean the rest of the Crew doesn't share them. This sudden mission, Zuko's change in attitude, his obsession with the Water Tribes...
Ming tries to discover the root of it all in For the Spirits Chapter VIII: Make You Stay, but will Zuko let her in?
#atla#avatar the last airbender#zuko#atla fanart#prince zuko#atla art#zutara au#for the spirits#new gods au#spirit touched zuko#Chapter VIII: Make You Stay#atla oc#atla fic#atla fanfic#atla zuko#ATLA Ming#zutara#zutara fic#zutara fanfiction#Ming is my baby girl and I love her so deeply you have no idea#I tagged this as atla oc but technically she isn't? Ming was Iroh's guard during his imprisonment in the Fire Nation.#She was kind to him despite his status as traitor; so he told her to take a day off during the Day of the Black Sun so she wouldn't get hurt#I loved her character so much even though she was only there for a scene. So I brought her back and now she's part of Zuko's crew.#Some of her backstory was revealed back in Ch2. Royal Guard Ming helped Zuko and Iroh leave the Palace directly after the Agni Kai.#And then she stayed with them as the first member of Zuko's Crew. She's like a big sister to him and like all big sisters she worries.#And has to fight the urge to smack some sense into him whenever he does something stupid.#Which is understandable. But still. I love their dynamic. They're everything to me.#I also love the background of Ming’s artwork. I mean LOOK AT THAT. It's glorious. The best background I've ever drawn. I'm proud of myself.#*sniff*#Zuko's is...okay I guess. But Ming’s *chef kiss*
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This or That: Tarlos Edition -> Monster Inside (1x08) or Push (3x04)
#911 lone star#911lsedit#tarlos#tk strand#carlos reyes#owen strand#this or that tarlos edition#my gifs#I thought about it and then I said WHY CHOOSE?#two of my faves!#(that probably means I'm a tk whump fan at the core tbh)#I know a couple arent technically just tarlos but...#that first owen parallel was too damn good okay#it had to be done#and I just love owen squeezing tk's hand trying to get him to respond vs tk actively reaching out for carlos#carlos brushing TK's hair back???? that might've been what prompted this whole mess of a set ngl#tw: hospitals#my faves
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something about trust
Writing below the cut!
“How… does it feel?” Locus asked haltingly. Lopez shrugged. “<Weird. But I expected that.>” Locus hummed, his brow furrowed like he was lost in thought as he scanned Lopez’s face. Lopez grabbed Locus’ wrists, bringing his hands to his throat. “What are you--?” “<One way to test it. Take my head off.>” Locus’ eyes widened, his expression turning panicked. He tried to pull his hands away, but Lopez held him steady. “<You are the only person strong enough,>” Lopez said firmly, giving the other no room to balk any further. “<If this synthskin doesn’t fix the problem, I want to know now, not later.>” Lopez could feel the way Locus’s hands shifted, his fingers flexing as he fought some internal debate. Lopez couldn’t read his mind, but the flicker of those marble grey eyes was telling as Locus looked at his hands around Lopez’s throat, then to his face and then back again and again. “<It doesn’t hurt, if that’s what all this fuss is about.>” Not strictly true, having his head removed wasn’t exactly a pleasant feeling. But better to do it now, with some degree of control, than in the middle of a fight or an accident. The sensation of feeling everywhere his skin touched was strange though, the normally very localized sensors spread out across the surface of the synthskin. Was this how humans felt things all the time? No wonder they were so easily distracted. Neither of them moved. “You’re certain?” Locus asked finally, his voice little more than a whisper. Lopez raised an eyebrow and let himself grin just a little at being able to convey the sentiment properly. Maybe there were some advantages to the synthskin after all. “<I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t.>” A nod, then the pressure. Lopez knew Locus was strong, for a human, but the feeling of his hands tightening around his neck and pulling at his jaw, the base of his metal skull… His head didn’t budge, and the pressure eased. Lopez clicked his tongue, releasing Locus’ wrists. “<Good. That is one problem fixed, at least.>”
#rvb#red vs blue#rvb locus#rvb lopez#samuel ‘locus’ ortez#lopez the heavy#locpez#my art#batsy art#batsy writes#sometimes i swear i open clip to draw one thing and i blink and something else entirely has spawned in#im not MAD im just like#damn#okay#technically part of a longer thing i have pinging around my head with them and lopez getting himself a proper synthskin bc i accidentally#really really liked the more human look on him and went welp time to make up a reason to draw him like that more#im not immune to cool robot glowy eyes#lopez gets curly hair bc i said so but he would never let it get long enough to be fluffy#heart breaking as it is#technically i drew this last night fromwhen its getting posted but i wanted to give the halloween comic a little bit of a breather lmaoooo#sometimes the fully clothed piece is just hornier than it has any right to be and i think that means it gets some space first lmao#yes this is scheduled for 8am bc it amuses me and thats about how long im willing to wait before unleashing it#a whole 13 hours from when i finished drawing it yahoo
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something something having a new hyperfixation and now having several new WIPs about it AND just starting to draw certain characters from it just yesterday uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah-
#something something UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I fell into the lifesmp hole#and so now I'm very attached to Scar as a character because man. Man he's got me so fucked up#also that headshot reference is very much referenced from a drawing of Ru's that the public has not seen cause I am feral over it- it was a#very good starting point of how I wanted to draw Scar and like yeah#am I saying these are 3rd life designs? I mean they're on my 3rd life doodle page and Scar definitely has a lilac soooooo#WHICH GOD LILAC SYMBOLISM IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#anywho I can be normal I swear#also vaguely Flower husbands because Jay may have gotten me a little attached to them slightly#just wait til I draw Tango and flood you all with Flower Ranchers it'll be over for everyone#the minute I draw more scar I think it'll be over for everyone#dangthatsalongname#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming#goodtimeswithscar#fanart#life series#life smp#traffic smp#trafficblr#should I technically be drawing Scar shirtless? Yeah but I did not wanna deal with muscles for a base reference drawing#so like hey he gets a shirt for the moment- If I draw any canon 3rd life stuff I'll draw him shirtless#I'm also watching Bdubs's pov of the Life series because one of my friends recommended it and like god he's a little chaotic#good on him! He tried to fight a wither with Etho in last life! And died from falling! Again! This man can not stop dying from falling#someone needs to make sure he has a water bucket in his inventory at all times because he died by falling in 3rd life and died by it in las#life so if he dies by falling in double life I'll lose it#also I just like the idea of Jimmy in Overalls no one can stop me from drawing him with them okay okay#I dedicate these doodles to Ru Hatt and Jay because they have to share in my insanity of me losing my mind over this silly series#Madi's art :>#OKAY I'M STOPPING NOW I GOTTA PUT THE LAPTOP AWAY
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I like seeing my favs happy as much as the next guy but like sometimes it’s not about a happy ending for me it’s about the most interesting conflict and Lucanis sticking with the job and all the drama that comes with it is ten times more interesting in that regard if I want a runaway crow I simply already have Zevran
#lucanis dellamorte#I also just do not see Mr. Lucanis ‘I’m not losing anyone else’ Dellamorte as being ready to just up and leave any time soon#his relationship with his family and his job is complicated and I need the nuance I need the paralyzing ‘don’t wanna go don’t wanna stay’#of it all to live#A happy ending is an ending I need to keep putting him in situations#I just don’t wanna take the easy route of Rook being like ‘let’s go!’ and because he loves her he’ll just abandon his own feelings on the#matter and be like ‘okay sounds good I just got my family back and running away means if I see them again they’ll probably be trying to kill#us both for leaving an organization we’re technically not supposed to be able to leave :)’#on top of not putting him in that position I don’t think she’d do it to Viago either#at the end of the day between the people they care about and that all they know are the crows I think they’d both choose the devil they know#taliesin de riva#I should really come up with a ship tag to stick these posts in rip#dav thots
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don't call it a comeback, i been here for years
(flashing cw)
#ace attorney#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#wrightworth#i mean i GUESS it could technically be nrmts so i'll go ahead and tag that anyway#dual destinies#ash makes things#video#aa anime#ash posts#flashing cw#don't question why there's 1 non-dd clip in there#there's really not a lot of him in the dd cutscenes so i had to go find something similar to use lol#and it actually ended up working out nicely with the next clip!#also maybe don't question the audio suddenly stopping at the end#i would have let it go until the chorus but there's not much footage of him in dd and i wanted to keep it primarily related to this game so#anyway uhhh i had this idea that i couldn't get out of my head so here it is#UGH i always forget the watermark bc i'm so excited to share it as soon as i'm done editing it#okay it's been added now
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fake psychic Tim but its just. its just psych. Jason dies and batman goes off the deep end so Tim (instead of becoming robin) starts going ham on the 'tips to the police' bc if the police can deal with the smaller crimes then Tim doesn't have to worry about batman killing a petty thief.
Except he's running himself into the ground and he starts getting sloppy bc he's giving the local police info, and bludhaven info (bc dick) AND probably giving Nightwing info when he can and someone catches him or he leaves a paper trail and then Officer Dick Grayson apprehends him and takes him in for questioning and Tim is like "you can't talk to me without my parents or a lawyer present, I'm a minor. And my parents are in Guatemala, so you better call my lawyer."
and Dick is like "kid you're not in trouble i just need to know who's giving you this information." Because there is NO WAY this kid isn't working with someone. Someone who is using a child to drop off information, which while noble to help the police, is putting this child in danger and tim is like, pretty offended actually. That it's being implied that he COULDN'T do this himself.
So he's like "im not working for anyone."
and Dick is like "you have to be getting the info from somewhere. I just wanna help."
and Tim is like AUGH ADULTS "I just- i figured it out on my own" and its CLEAR that Dick doesn't believe him which is, first off, super insulting, never meet your heroes, and second he shouldn't be talking anyway or admit that he goes out at night or Dick will do something stupid like try to make him stop. So he's like (rolling eyes) "I'm psychic. Are you happy? Can I have my phone call now?"
#batman#tim drake#Cue Dick ALMOST not buying it but he's like 'okay kid'#if you're psychic prove it.#And Tim is like oh he thought i was serious??? Uh#“you're favorite animal is a bat.“ And Dick looks at him confused but then sorta pales a little and is like ”... what.”#and tim is like “and you really like nighttime... walks.”#And Dick like turns off the recording and is like “kid what are you saying to me”#and Tim is like “I know you're Nightwing. The ... spirits told me.”#and honestly it's more believable that a 12 year old kid is psychic than that he figured out who Nightwing was on his own#ted talks#anyways lots of fun hijinks can ensue. Tim is technically a security rick and even though dick REALLY doesn't wanna talk to bruce#he should tell him about this... psychic child#Which can just be more questions and Tim answering them and is like#if i wasn't psychic how would i know this.#and Bruce.... doesn't know. So they have no choice but to believe him#psych tim au#also including: bruce being like “.... can you tell my son (jason) i love him?”#tim would actually be pretty good on the field with moments notice observations#he's been trained his whole life to read people at parties and know what they want from him and what they mean#regular people are MUCH easier to read than the elite who say everything backhanded and all have like poised masks of perfection#raye was telling me their psychic tim au and i was like 'ok but what if just psych'#catch us out here both writing separate fake psychic tim aus
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I was just rewatching “Slumbering with the Enemy” Episode and I watching the montage scenes and didn’t realize Mojo got his own PPG outfit
He deserves it, he is the original fourth Powerpuff Girl after all. 💖
#i mean okay technically he ISN'T#but let's be real#anything to get him riled up and angry is always fun so let's call him the fourth ppg#massive gaslighting campaign on mojo to raise his blood pressure let's go besties 💖#mojo jojo#blossom#bubbles#buttercup
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soul can do the same tricks with his trident that you can do with a flag
i'm not sure if australians have color/winter guard at their schools or an equivalent to that, and if they do, whole learned some stuff there, and if they don't, soul wanted to do something cool and binged youtube videos
his favorite tricks are those that involve a lot of wrist flicking and look super trippy from an outside perspective (aka the ones i can't do) and he likes tossing really fucking high (think triples for fun)
and for convenience his trident is weighted similarly to a flag bc logic doesn't exist in headspace (sorry mindie)
- sincerely, a guard kid who needs to project and make it her whole (haha) personality
Headcanon #571
#chonny jash#submission#cj soul#chonnys charming chaos compendium#ooooooo yes yes#also considering he can kickflip the trident. imaging someone kickfliping a whole ass flag mid show is VERY funny to me#also feel like he'd do the mini spins as a fidget/way to think#technically imaging him using a rifle for it since its not as tall/long but yk what i mean#(i will say i was a band kid so not a guard kid but guard counts as band so i know a fair amount just not specifics)#okay now you've gotten me wanting to draw him either doing some of the tricks or in some neat guard outfit#if i ever have the time at least#anyway you are so correct i love this#also you're so real for projecting stuff like this unto them. its so fun
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I NEED the Krew to actually TALK about what happened in episode 46. (Spoilers under the cut)
And I don’t mean them mentioning that it happened but “it’s all fine now because they’re alive!” Because I imagine that shit scarred all of them, one way or another. Frost especially.
I don’t care HOW the conversation happens, but it does need to happen. They each need to have that closure, rather than letting those thoughts and feelings swirl in their minds for all eternity. And I don’t just mean in fanfic or whatever. No, it needs to happen sometime in canon, when they have a moment to talk about it in-depth (so probably post-canon, all things considered).
I just…I need Frost to tell them how it felt, watching as all his friends fall around him, and how he couldn’t do anything. I imagine he still gets nightmares about it, especially for the first few nights after the fact, and I imagine he wakes up from those nightmares and probably goes and cuddles up next to Gricko (after making sure he’s breathing. Even if, logically, Frost KNOWS that Gricko is alive and breathing—he’s snoring, shifting around, whatever—he still needs to check. Just in case), as if to confirm to himself that, yes, they’re here. Theyre alive. He’s not alone.
I need Torbek to talk about how he feels like he’s not good enough in battle. How he kicks himself for not being able to control the Witchlight better, for not being able to bring out the Other. Because maybe, just maybe, if he was somehow able to bring out the Other in that fight, maybe they would’ve had a chance (they still wouldn’t, it would still end the same, and Torbek knows it deep down, but he kicks himself all the same)
I need Gricko to lament about how he thinks he’s not a good enough healer. He’s supposed to keep his friends from dying, and he couldn’t even do that right. Maybe if he had gotten to Gideon sooner, maybe if he had realized that Gideon was already long gone before he pumped his last spell slot into him. How he regrets that Hootsie wasn’t spared. Maybe if he had told her to run sooner, faster, maybe, just maybe, she would’ve made it out alive. Maybe. Or, at the very least, he wouldn’t have had to hear her yelps right before he fell unconscious himself. He’s supposed to be her father, he’s supposed to protect her. But he didn’t. Couldn’t. Just like he couldn’t protect his friends.
I need Kremy to tell Gideon how it felt to watch his best friend, his husband, get ripped apart before his very eyes, and being unable to stop it. Unable to help in any way. How he couldn’t imagine ever living in a world without Gid. After all, what’s the point of living when your reason for waking up each day is long gone? Someone else could pay his debt, surely.
I want Gideon to lament about just how useless he feels. With the mixture of being unable to help Twig in episode 41, turning into a stupid useless dancing mushroom (where he was the slowest because he traded the rhythm in his step away, and his friends had to help push him along), losing some of his fire (sure, he gained it back, but for several hours he felt colder. Weaker.), and then being the first one down during the Jabberwock fight? He’s supposed to be the strong one, the fighter, yet time and time again his friends are the ones protecting him. Keeping him alive while he keeps throwing himself into danger. He could’ve killed the Jabberwock, surely. With the help of Torbek, sure, but it would’ve died! It just got the jump on him, is all.
I just…I need them to talk, when they get the chance to. They deserve that much. To reassure themselves and their friends that everything is okay. They’re alive, and they’re not going to just abandon each other. Not again. Even if they feel weak, or useless, or like they could be so much more if they were just better. They all know now what it feels like to lose their family, their best friend, the love of their life, their everything. And I don’t think they’ll ever let themselves or each other experience that again. Not for a very long time, at least.
#I know this is really long sorry#I just really need them to talk about it okay!?#ESPECIALLY Frost Torbek and Gricko#Kremy and Gideon sure but Frost and the goblinoids I feel were affected the most#and I know Gricko’s thing might seem like I pulled it out of thin air#but Gricko has expressed that he doesn’t think his healing magic is very good#yeah it was at the end of episode 1#but in universe that was only a handful of days ago#and I feel like I’m right on the money with Torbek and Gideon#I mean. Torbek has expressed that he doesn’t feel like he’s as good at fighting as Gideon is#and he was crying and BEGGING the Other to come out as he watched his friends fall around him#and I imagine Gideon has a lot of pent-up issues with his own strength and abilities after the past 20 or so episodes#because while his abilities and strength technically hasn’t changed#what has changed was the world around him. and how his friends are having to save his ass more and more#okay I’ll shut up now sorry#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris
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Dear Gojo,
Despite it all, I think the kids are going to be okay. In time. After all, you made it so that they at least have each other.
Hopefully I won’t see you and the others anytime soon.
- Shoko
P.S. The cats you left behind, they’ve been a good distraction…though they cause quite a bit of trouble on campus. Seems familiar, no?
#im not gonna lie I’d be okay even if just the three of them make it#from a writers perspective Gojo dying and staying dead is more impactful than him coming back no longer the strongest#you could technically argue both but for what Gojo represents as wanting to be a protector of youth (despite questionable means)#him sacrificing himself for them to get stronger and continue having a somewhat cheerful youth together#he would do that#he did that in sacrificing himself so his students could have a chance at Sukuna#I genuinely don’t know of Gojo will come back or not but I’m at the point where I will be okay with either ways#so long as Gege doesn’t leave Gojo’s thread where he left it (at the airport)#I need more closure than just that#and for Geto’s body as well#anyway#anime#anime fanart#anime art#fanart#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen fanart#gojo satoru#anime illustration#itadori yuuji#megumi fushiguro#nobara kugisaki#itafushi#itafushikugi#goge#satosugu#gege akutami#my art
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Okay, I've just gotta say though...
Imagine that you think you've fallen in love with some evil mastermind that only ever pretended to love you to gain power for himself!
Then, shortly after, you hear some sniffling coming from the corner of a room while searching for your family, and randomly find said "evil mastermind" looking like this:
Radovid's main casting requirement: being able to look so small, vulnerable, soft, lost, and hurt, that it'll have some members of the audience yelling "Jaskier, you better fix this right now, you big meanie! Or I'll never forgive you!" at their screen!
Basically,
Me, before season 3: "I don't think I'll ever be able to feel as protective of any character in any TV show ever as I do of Jaskier."
Radovid: "Hold my wine bottle, I've got this!"
Me, after season 3: "I now have this strange urge to throttle that bard if he ever hurts that one again... What the fuck is going on?"
#Radovid#Radskier#Seriously#Jaskier#Don't hurt the tiny gentle little 6 feet tall likely technically most politically powerful person on the Continent if actually allowed#to rule his kingdom newly crowned against his will king#You're supposed to wrap him tightly in fur blankets and feed him soup...#I assume...#I mean look at him!#He's such a spoon it hurts!#It took him 0.5 seconds to start showing you genuine interest and appreciation and seek to find ways you two could fulfill#each others' needs and okay#Although people shouldn't be loved back based on merit or because they deserve to#You were immediately deeply intrigued and crushing hard and you do love him back#So as soon as you're sure Geralt's got all the help he needs to go rescue Ciri and do his Witcher thing#Go help Radovid and do your bard thing!#Seanchai said you're related to them...#Those celtic bards were considered scarier to those in power than any army!#They could make or break kings with a song!#Go do what you do best and use your voice to help him out of that corner he's been dragged into and lead him back into the light!#He'd have sold anything of value he has and given up his title to go help you rescue your family if he could have#Don't sacrifice or risk your family for him but don't leave him behind either...#Because I can't jump into that TV screen (believe me I've tried) to go help and rescue him#And I need to believe in you and trust you'll do the right thing and protect and take care of him like one should properly look after him...#BECAUSE LOOK AT HIM!!!#Look at those eyes and that face!!!#He was made for love and extraordinary things for fuck's sake!!!#You're supposed to feed each other porridge not cut each other open!#Be gentle with him!#My Posts
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Here’s a sort of…. Prompt? Headcanon? Idea?? For Danny Phantom.
Let’s go with the,, semi-fanon idea of cores. We see the Far Frozen with ice powers, with their whole little civilization. They are ALSO the only ghosts we see that have any medical knowledge.
So what if ghosts with ice cores had healing powers? Danny is very durable, but he also (probably) has advanced healing.
Idk, it’d be a fun possibility to explore Danny ‘plays as a tank in irl superheroics 4 times out of 5’ Phantom finding out he can heal people while doing a school-mandated cpr class.
#danny phantom#dp#bonus points if it’s just shy of necromancy but that might be a different turn#did my school do mandated cpr training? no. but we did do mandated self defense training so. I imagine it’s possible#I have made a story or two where Danny had healing powers#but up to you how they work#and technically the way I made them in this one story was an indirect use of two different powers#I can explain if someone is SUPER curious but this particular. prompt? is like#him DIRECTLY having healing powers#he’s just hovering his hands and lil glowy snowflakes start drifting down and healing the person#Tucker is like Oh Hey This Means I’ll Just Go To Danny For Medical Stuff#the b plot is getting Tucker to get his damn shots… cartoon logic says somehow he gets them done at the vet#it just popped into my head you don’t gotta do that lol#Sam meanwhile is like. hm. homeopathy bc she’s not. AGAINST doctors and medical schools per se#but she’s protesting something or another about them#probably concerns about medical mistreatment#meanwhile Danny is like I Did Not Agree To Be The Medic!#he’s played video games okay HE KNOWS HOW THAT GOES DOWN.#…. I also really like battle and field medics in general in fiction so this is me and my blatant attempts for More Of That#feel free to crossover but just by itself it seems fun :3
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it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come
#like how do i even feel#on one hand im excited because like now that i finally agreed to dads stupid whims he technically will have to give in to things#ive been wanting since FOREVER like going to the gym#plus it's impossible to eat junk food when he's there he won't even let me kacchi maggi because maida hai bimar ho jayegi#and aadhe se zyada din toh pyaaz ye sab nahi kha sakte so it rules out any outside food#which is so good because like i just found out im pre diabetic lol#like borderline sugar like ab kuch nahi kiya toh seedha type 2 diabetes#so i need to eat healthy or ill literally die#i mean eventually but whatever being diagnosed with this in my 20s would kill me#also simply the fear of living with him is so much that i HAVE to study#and i want to now it's high time#but yeah want doesn't really work for me#i read a quote somewhere that 'goals' don't mean anything because winners and losers have the same goals#and i was like WOAH. like the person who gets an all india rank had the same goal as me: to pass the exam with good marks#but they succeeded and i didn't so it's isn't our goals that differentiate us#which ik is obvious but like still idk put things in perspective#anyway yeah that way my life MIGHT be fixed#but there's also living ALONE with my sociopathic FATHER who has more mood swings than me on pms#and being cut off frm the rest of civilisation and yk developed roads and buildings and ice cream shops#i guess it is mostly food ig :( which is good like the most junk food i can eat there is a burger from a nearby stall and that's pretty#much it they literally do not even have havmor or anything in walking distance forget scoop wali ice cream#but i like my bed and i like my ceiling with the stars and i like looking out of my window and knowing that the first ever crush of my life#lives right next to me and i like knowing that ill meet my bestfriend atleast once a month#i don't really love my mom or my brother tbh but idk maybe ill miss them it's weird ive never lived without them#i don't know i really hope that this is like a boot camp kota types experience rather than so much isolation that i sink deep into#depression. but then ive hit pretty shocking lows this year so hopefully i can handle it#my sister did say that when she lived alone with him for a month it was quite peaceful and okay because he usually gets more angry when mom#is around warna mostly he's fine#i don't know i don't know bhagwan ji please ab aur mushkil mat banana life bohot jhatke de chuke ho already ab pls#mujhe apni galtiyo ko sudharne ka mauka dena 🙏
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