#(i just realized i made this song 10 times more dramatic than what it actually is LMAO)
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do you wanna build a snowman?
kwon soonyoung + one running ahead to jump onto the snow as the other fondly watches. wc: 826 (turned out pretty long for something i'm not really proud of🤧) warnings: a very hyperenergetic soonyoung author's notes: i wrote this while i should have prepped a little more for my exams,,, i've never actually had the chance to play in snow (but i would love to!!) so most of this is just me imagining it, and it probably isnt how it actually happens... pls bear with me(T_T) hope you enjoy reading it! winter wonderland masterlist
when soonyoung walks up to you with a cheeky grin, there's nothing nice about it.
it usually means a sign of incoming mischief or an idea that will definitely lead to some trouble.
so your concern was understandable when you saw him smiling at you from across the couch while you were reading a book. he poked you in your stomach a few times to grab your attention, but when that didnt work, he spoke out your name in a whine, a sing-song that, if you hadn't known better, would have made you think 'oh so cute'.
"soonie, what is it?" you ask him, eyes still reading the book.
"it's snowing outside... you know what that means?"
he pokes you again and you look up at him and responds when you continue staring at him in a confused look.
"it's time to build snowmen!!" he jumps up and grabs your hand to get you up.
"soonyoung, it's too cold to go outside!"
"you can have my hoodie."
"...let's go."
the walk to the park is nothing short of an adventure. the 10 minute walk ends up taking an extra 30 minutes, with the way soonyoung happily gleams at all the snow collected on the streets. he links arms with you before breaking into a dance-like walk by kicking his feet high, sending snow flying all over. you are almost overwhelmed by the energy he possesses in this sluggish, cozy weather, but his happiness is so contagious that you don't even realize until your cheeks started hurting, that you were laughing along with him all the while he ran to the park, pulling you along.
and if you thought the soonyoung until now was too energetic, you understand what a mistake it was when you see him in the park.
he becomes a child.
the first thing he does is crouch down to gather some snow in his hands. he jumps as he throws it into the air, laughing amusedly watching it shower down around the two of you. he lets out an excited shout as he runs and jumps into a heap of snow collected somewhere around; the snow mountain engulfs him and only his head remains visible, a blob of happy smile and merrily closed eyes.
the movies make it look cringey - all the lovey-dovey actions that couples in films do when it snows. you would roll your eyes whenever you came across such clips. 'load of bs' you would say - which initially caused soonyoung to gasp (he still does, but you're used to it now) - but you would watch because he likes such cheesy romcoms and you enjoyed seeing him happy.
you're the black cat that's slowly warming up to the love-sick golden retriever that's soonyoung.
so you don't realise it. how you have a dopey smile on your face watching soonyoung enjoy the winter he'd been waiting for so long.
he calls you to come join him, but snow hasn't really been something you liked, and you'd rather stay where you are and absorb the little warmth that his hoodie plus your jacket is providing you, than voluntarily join in on the fun and knowingly let yourself freeze.
so you just stand there, shaking your head for a 'no' while the smile widens on your lips.
"you're no fun," he says and pouts, and you throw your head back and laugh at his dramatics.
what you didn't notice was how he stood up and charged towards you, hands extended to hold you to him as he crashes into your still body. it takes you by surprise, and your high-pitched yelp gets silenced midway as he hugs you to him and turns your bodies around so that he's the one to fall on the snow.
"this was the only way i could get you to play with me," he says and flashes a cheeky smile to you. he extends your arms along with his arms and legs, moving them to make a snow angel.
you struggle to lift your head and look at him. "you're so annoying," you say, but then quickly let your head fall on his chest once again.
"but you still love me though."
you stay like that for a long time, and then get up to build a snowman with him. his eyes gleam at your words, and he gets to work immediately. you don't realise when hours pass by and the sun sets, but two sloppy snowmen and a couple snow fights later, you decide to head home.
"you called me annoying earlier," he breaks the silence on the walk back home, "but you should see seungkwan. he's absolutely intolerable with all his christmas songs..."
his hand laces with yours and swings back and forth as he talks about it. his face is glowing; and whether it is from the golden hour sunlight, or pure joy doesn't matter to you, as long as that smile stays with you forever.
prompt by @novelbear divider by @adornedwithlight
#svt#seventeen#svt x reader#seventeen × reader#seventeen imagines#svt imagines#seventeen hoshi#svt hoshi#kwon soonyoung#soonyoung#hoshi#hoshi x reader#hoshi fluff#soonyoung x reader#soonyoung fluff#articles.ris
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I like shiny things *.✧, but I'd marry you with paper rings ! ||>> Blaize Zabini
song to listen to : Paper Rings (Taylor Swift)
summary : The thought of Marriage seems to already peek Y/n's interests, as she talks about how much she's looking forward into her Married Life, with her husband, and Kids. Blaise pretends not to care, as he concentrates on folding... paper?
established relationship, fluf, literally around 10% of reader's yapping‼️
lover masterlist ! ♡
⤷ : : YANNA'S MAP .. : :
A usual day at Hogwarts, wherein Blaise has to endure Y/n's holy mother of yap about a random topic, again. not that he was complaining though... It was adorable watching her express what was on her mind, every day. It was interesting to say the least, And for what Y/n chose to talk about today was... marriage.
“I just can't wait when I finally graduate, and get married! I wonder what it'd be like!” Y/n chirped excitedly, in her own little world as she yapped to her boyfriend, Blaise Zabini about how excited she was to get married. Hell, they were still in their 6th year!
“Ugh.. like I can just imagine my wedding dress, and the cake.. ooh! and my bridesmaids! Definitely gonna be my bestest friends, of course!” She stated excitedly, with a huge grin plastered on her adoring face.
Blaise nodded nonchalantly, remaining quiet while focusing on folding the piece of paper in a ring shape. An origami heart that serves as the small little crown on the ring.
“Ooh! I also cannot wait to have children, they're so cute! Blaise, have you met my younger sister? I told you about her, right? she's the absolute cutest!” Y/n continued, empathizing the word 'cannot'. She kicked her legs forward, then backwards repeatedly. Making hand gestures as she talks.
She paused, and sat in silence for a few minutes, her puffy cheeks warming up at the thought of her and Blaise... actually having children. She shook the thought away, and leaned back on the chair she sat on. Then there she realized.. Blaise has been oddly.. quiet
As Y/n sat in silence, Blaise finished folding what looks like a Paper Ring.. It was a little bit wrinkled by the many failed attempts. but other than that, it was pretty, and adorable.
“Blaise? What're you doin'?”The girl piped up with a confused tone, and one eyebrow raised at Blaize's hand that hid behind his back with his lips curving upwards
“Close your eyes, milove.” Blaise spoke softly, while he tried his best to stifle a chuckle. Y/n complied by closing her eyes, Blaisw then stood up from the couch Infront of her, and slowly got down on one knee..
Y/n’s eyebrows furrowed at all the shuffling, yet her eyes remained closed until Blaise told her to open them. “You can open your eyes now, Y/n..” Blaise once again used the soft, and the ever sogentle tone he used only ever with Y/n.
Y/n slowly opened her eyes, and was immediately met with the sight of Blaise on one knee, smiling at her while laughing. He held up the Origami Paper Ring that he spent literally the whole day folding, as he spoke such words... “Y/n Y/L/n, Will you marry me?”
He jokingly proposed with a sarcastic, and also serious manner, and the sight, along with Blaise's words had Y/n’s stomach infested with butterflies. Even if they were both just messing around
She let out a dramatic gasp, placing a hand on her mouth, as she slowly nodded. the teenagers both giggled at the same time, Blaise slipped the Paper ring easily on Y/n’s ring finger, as if it's actually made for her..
“I thought you weren't listening!” Y/n let out a huff, as her lips curved downwards into a frown. Then, wrapped her arms around Blaise's neck. As they shared a tender kiss, filled with nothing but affection, and love for one another.
The kiss lasted for a few more seconds, before the two broke it. Blaise looked at Y/n, admiring all of her features that made up.. her. What Y/n saw as her imperfections, was the most perfect to Blaize. Everything about her, was perfect.
“Of course I was listening, I want to fulfill whatever dream you have, milove. As it is the only way I could ever show my undying appreciation, and love for you. I love you, forever. Y/n.” Blaise caressed her cheek with his thumb, as his other hand caressed Y/n’s hand which wore the Paper ring perfectly on the ring finger.
His smile was full of adoration towards his girlfriend, and also, his soon to-be wife, and most especially the mother of his future kids..
“I love you too, Blaise. soso much.” Y/n whispered fondly, both of their words. genuine and looked at Blaise with the same devoted look he gave her. Both of them already sure, of how their future will unfold. With them, still together, both with a ring that identifies their loyalty, and times spent together. Along with the family they will built, out of the passionate moments they've shared.
#harry potter#blaize zabini#blaise zabini#blaise zabini x reader#blaise zabini x you#blaise zabini x y/n#harry potter masterlist#slytherin boys#x reader#oneshot#hp#taylor swift#paper rings#fluff#hp fluff#fanfic#fanfiction#slytherin#fem reader#established relationship#lovers#love#marriage#masterlist#romance#slytherin boys x reader#slytherin boys x you#romantic
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An incomplete list of songs I associate with Memory, Heavy in My Heart.
Chapters 1-15:
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Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In - Will Wood & The Tapeworms
So I'll bookmark my DSM, 'cause I need to remember my place. This is not enough. This is not enough to prove it yet, no I need to hit the bottom. [...] Gotta get to the bottom of this.
Looking up, we see the point of entry between where we are and we've been; looking up, I could say heaven sent me, hand me my shovel, I'm going in.
Admittedly, this didn't come across very well in the final draft, and part of that is down to the framing and variety I wanted to give it. I was initially going to give Ingo a more frenetic energy as he was trying to complete the pokedex, which lessened as he got to know the Pokemon and people in Hisui-- and then picked back up once he realized he was getting distracted. The second portion would actually correspond to chapter 33, and is fairly self explanatory.
Chapter 16:
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Cosmic Love - Florence + the Machine
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out. You left me in the dark. No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight in the shadow of your heart.
I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map. I knew that somehow, I could find my way back.
A little dramatic, but it fit the feeling of being stranded and abandoned in a way I really liked. The second portion was also relevant for later... and another piece is relevant to something else that I'm not going to spoil yet.
Chapter 17:
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Ghost (Fred Falke Remix) - Mystery Skulls
No particular lines to highlight for this one, though I suppose 3:43-4:10 would fit. It was more the tone of it, and, to be honest, my own personal associations with this version of Ghost.
Chapters 18-25:
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Hidden Highlands - Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky
The word 'highlands' is purely coincidental. I had this on a character playlist, and it stuck out to me for this project, too. It just has a heaviness to it that I really liked for day to day life with the rift and then the red sky hanging overhead.
Chapters 25-26:
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Close Encounters - No Delivery
It's just got a weirdness factor to it that I like for the trek across the Highlands, building up to the primary conflict at the Temple of Sinnoh. Unfortunately, I don't think I can really describe it better than that. Sorry!
Chapter 27:
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Origin Form Palkia & Dialga - Pokemon Legends Arceus
Sticking with vanilla on this, both because I think it still fits, and it's a really nice track imo. I wasn't initially going to add it here, since that seems redundant, but it felt like leaving a conspicuous empty spot at the story's climax.
Chapter 29:
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Jowd ~ A Captive of Fate - Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective
I liked this one for being a little more upbeat without being a happy song; it strikes me as having a sense of 'let's see this through' in some parts, which I think works very well as we're warming up to the final arc. While I don't think it fits this chapter's content perfectly, I did realize in hindsight that it plays during a coat-related scene in Ghost Trick, and I subconsciously connected the dots.
Chapters 30-32:
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Crossing a Line - Mike Shinoda
You're not gonna like where this goes. They'll tell you I don't care anymore, and I hope you'll know that's a lie, 'cause I've found what I have been waiting for, but to get there means crossing a line. So I'm crossing a line.
It's not about status, we know it never was, 'cause what good is the kingdom when you're missing the love? This is not a goodbye now, I'm not going away. No, I don't have the answers, but I do have the faith.
This is probably one of my favorites to apply to this story, because I can see it working from at least two different perspectives. For one, I would put it firmly in this range of chapters just based on who/what we're dealing with. For the second (which is the POV that the second stanza would also be relevant to) I would also add 33 to that range. I feel like one POV is obvious, but the other might be a little more out in the weeds.
Chapter 33:
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The Suffering Game: Arms Outstretched - Griffin McElroy
This one was baked in from the early chapters. I knew the call on the mountaintop was going to happen basically from the beginning, and felt like this encompassed the range of emotions really well. Maybe it doesn't match up perfectly with the final product, but it's still inextricably linked in my mind. xD It's also something of a bridge in and of itself, but we'll save that for later.
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Good Omens S2E6
(chaotic thoughts as they happen)
here we go I’m ready to cry
“three questions, none of them simple”
I love seeing Crowley in heaven just aesthetically
oh no his heavenly outfit is awful this is the worst (his walk is hilarious tho)
LETS GO LESBIANS
noooo Maggie
I like seeing Azi getting to be intense
the golden snake tattoo!
“I haven’t always been a demon. And they never change their password” why did that make me emotional?
“does what you say make sense in your head?”
aww he’s traumatized from the book fire
CROWLEYS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANGEL
an institutional problem
the little shoulder bump
Azi’s hesitancy with the book throwing my little bean
his halo!!!!
whoopsies
Crowley’s so smug I love him
“you came back” the way Azi said that has me tearing up ahhh
the way Beelzebub talks to the fly is so cute
I was not expecting a B and G friendship
are they flirting?
“silly silly angel” “I just found something that mattered more to me than choosing sides” “where Beezlbub is, is my heaven”I love these lines but I wish so much they were from Azi and Crowley instead
ALPHA CENTURIA
saying he always wanted to go there and looking at Aziraphale!!!
“do people ever ask for death?” asdfghjkl
I love the way Crowley is sitting in the chair asdfghjkl
“the day can’t get any weirder”
“an extremely alcoholic breakfast”
awww Crowley wants alone time with Aziraphale
and he’s tidying up the books up for him!!
healthy breakup and relationship conversations with the lesbians!!!
“I say something brilliant he says something unintentionally funny back”
I love Crowley so much. I didn’t think I had a favorite child but I might.
it makes me happy that Muriel likes reading
THEYRE SO ADHD AND AUTISM CODED
Azi is so happy that he could bring Crowely to heaven look at his face! I can’t ahhhhh
Aziraphale what happened to OUR SIDE
this scene is so dam good
the noises I made during Crowley’s speech
NO NIGHTENGALES I GASPED
US!!!!! US US US US
THE GLOW UP FROM OUR SIDE TO US
I’M SCREMAING I NEED TO UNPAUSE
 HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
THEY ACTUALLY KISSED
I saw one image of the kiss a while ago but thought it was an edit and then when this scene started I was like wait a second but part of me still didn’t believe it
I shed actual tears oh my lord I’m actually crying I can’t believe this
how am I supposed to process
“I forgive you” “don’t bother” HOW DARE YOU NIEL GAMIAN
Aziraphel my precious bean don’t cry
NOT THE LIP TOUCH
I hate that he’s going back to faking being okay with it all
oh my gosh! I just realized that Crowley saying he understands what Azi is offering better than he does is probably at least partially referencing what Gabriel said when casting him into hellfire! he never told him he’s lived with that pain and anger and not told him ahhhh (I mean I can’t confirm this but that’s my thinking at least)
“we call it the second coming” *dramatic music*
*A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square starts playing* me: NO!
THE BENTLEY ALWAYS PLAYS QUEEN BUT NOW ITS PLAYING THAT SONG DO YALL UNDERSTAND THE EMOTIONAL WRECKAGE (I’m sure you do you’re also good omens fans probably)
how could you do this. how could you end it like this. how could you?
9.7/10 I need season 3 now
#good omens#melon watches stuff#my post#shout out to David and Michael for getting paid to kiss each other#good for them
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I kinda love how sometimes you work by writing out the ending first then the build up to it a bit later! Though I get how it can be hard to write it out!
Omg I didn’t even notice you mentioned a song rec😭 typically I read your descriptions but I forgot to read this one bc I was really excited 😭but the song is very fitting and idk how to explain it other than it does feel like a small town romance!
Omg Barbie and Ken being the OG fic characters is actually such a slay! And omg I HATED when kids said shit like omg like LET ME ENJOY IN PEACE!!! And in a way I’m glad Barbie has had a resurgence due to the movie because that movie broke me yet healed me lol
If you don’t have the same number of works or more that’s perfectly okay! You put out so much, FOR FREE MIND YOU and that’s more than enough! Life gets crazy and inspo sometimes can be low so really it’s okay ❤️
Yes i agree!!! Lots of people are lacking critical thinking skills and tbh I can go on about that! But I’m glad you’re trying to make your students at least aware how to do that!
It’s my second to last quarter! I’m probably just being dramatic since you’re right I did just get back from break lol I hope they get better too lol
I’m actually currently safe from the fires thankfully! Though where I live it is being monitored closely as the winds can be extremely dangerous if it gets bad! I think people don’t realize how NOT NORMAL having these kinds of wild fires during the WINTER is! Typically these happen during the summer time. And it’s so devastating and I have so many friends from the LA area and some have been affected so badly :( anyways that’s so sweet of you to check up on!
What color did you get your nails done?! Any cute designs?! And even if it’s an all amount of self care it’s still something! Hope you have an amazing start of the week! Sending lots of love 💕-💜
It doesn't always happen but I do feel like it happens a LOT to me. Idk. I get this little idea in my head for one specific little part and then I gotta build around it. I think Traditional I wrote like the middle of it and I would 10/10 would NOT recommend doing that ever again (except I did when I wrote Love & Dryer Sheets--but that came to me in a dream so I can't help that one). The middle is the worst. Dolcezza I started from the beginning I think. As did Ding. It all depends really. It's fun though when I write the ending first, it kind of gives me a goal and it's almost like the whole beginning doesn't matter. My OG bedtime fanfics (Nick Jonas, Edward Cullen, Zach, and Finn from a couple YA novel I read) didn't have endings. They were in perpetual middle parts and it was the WORST. So now when I have an ending I'm like "praise be the Lord."
No I honestly don't expect anyone to read the descriptions. I only put them there because I think it's the only thing keeping my blog alive. I skip right over them and then sometimes I forget I wrote stuff in there for y'all. I truly am going to miss TikTok for my song inspos and new music because I don't listen to the radio anymore and I think my students' music is trash lol
I felt slighted when the movie came out because I loved Barbie for so long I thought I was going to be obsessed forever and then my stupid elementary peers made me quit and now Barbie's back and I want to be like "YOU DON'T GET IT" but I gave up on it so that's on me for listening to kids. But now I obsess appropriately and you won't catch me letting 1D slip through my fingers. My sister's going to have to bury me with my 1D CDs and posters so I have it in the afterlife.
Well thank you. I just want to remain relevant (mostly because I don't know where else I would write and this is a massive outlet for me) so I fear that the # i produce is important. Which doesn't make sense at all. I'm a quality > quantity gal all the way.
You're not dramatic. This was the Monday-iest Monday ever. I'm exhausted. There's 4 more days of this shit? ugh. At least there's a long weekend. 2nd to last quarter though!!! We're getting there! Ahhhh!
I'm sorry to hear about your friends :( that's so awful. I didn't think of how this is abnormal due to the fact it's winter. It's so sad ugh :( I'm glad you're good for now and I hope it stays that way 💕
I can't remember if I told you, I'm real basic about my nails so it's just a winter blue with sparkles overlayed. No designs. The second one of my nails chip I peel them off. But I REALLY like them. I gotta do my toes next they look so gross lol. But my sister reminded me that no one is seeing my feet rn so it doesn't matter and I needed my nails done more.
Monday was long but overall fine. I feel like I'm getting a little overwhelmed with things and obligations but it's not terrible. I hope your week is smoother! Love you lots!!!
xoxo
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wild by troye sivan is such a charlos song omg
OMG IT IS!!!
for some reason i forgot all about that song and i just looked up the lyrics and WOW. YES. CHARLOS.
... *insert lyric analysis because why not*
this whole song gives me charles' vibes idk why. he's literally trying to deny and repress his feelings as much as he can but it's driving him insane - or should i say wild xd
"'cause there's still too long for the weekend, too long since i drown in your hands." → sdjfnsjgnskjnfgk- they have to wait until the weekend to see each other (kinda) bc the weekend is where the fun begins. it's very illicit affair coded, i like it.
"never knew loving could hurt this good" → aaaAAAA they know this isn't going to last. "'cause when you look like that, i've never ever wanted to be so bad." → THE PINING. THE TENSION. i just picture charles staring at carlos, licking his lips, thinking this (as he does). it could actually go both ways but i feel like it suits charles better.
"so can we make the most out of no time?" → LITERALLY CHARLOS. they spend so much time together but they have no time for each other. also they're running out of time :(( they don't know how much more time they'll have as teammates :((
"can you hold me? can you make me leave my demons and my broken pieces behind?" → :((((((((((( i feel like that's such a charles thing. he has so much pressure, and so much loss weighing him down from the past that he just wants to forget :( and carlos helps him forget :((
"you make my heart shake, bend and break, but i can't turn away." → he's so confused and so conflicted and he knows he's going to get hurt, but he always comes back to carlos. sigH he's so whipped.
#thank you for the ask#lovely anon <33#sorry for taking so long to reply :')#(i just realized i made this song 10 times more dramatic than what it actually is LMAO)#(but hey i love scenarios and i love charlos so idc)#i love getting lyrics ask ngl
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A Sister's Love
Pairing: Platonic Damian Wayne x Al Ghul!Reader
Warnings: Injuries and blood. Drugging, Trafficking and sexual assult but these are not the main themes.
Word Count: 4.9K
Summary: You realize you have a lot to learn about yourself outside of your little brother, Damian's, shadow.
A/N: Was originally gonna make this a Dick Grayson x Reader but realized it would be weird cuz of mixed families and stuff. And I don't wanna be pushing the boundaries of incest.
Growing up in the League of Assassins meant a lot of things for you. It meant that you were raised to be powerful and commanding. It meant you knew how to kill a man in 47 different ways and counting. It meant that you were raised to rightfully think that you were the best.
Although for every good thing there was always cons. Your schedule was rigid and your peers were unfeeling. Your mother most of all, but that didn't stop you from trying to win her affection. It was the reason why when your little brother was born you felt threatened.
That was until you met little Damian. Your mother had handed him to you with a smile of pride that she never showed you and you hated him. But then you saw his precious little face, a nose tinier than a button and adorable lips that were curled into a pout. He was so beautiful.
Since then, you put any differences you might have had with your mother behind you. According to Ra’s it would have been a mistake to show Damian such tenderness, to teach him about loyalty to your heart, instead of without it.
But Talia couldn't ignore the tug she felt in her heart seeing you and Damian together. You still worked hard, harder than she had ever seen before, now determined not to show that you were weak and have them take your brother from you. Damian followed your example, training to her approval, however taxing it was for him.
And more importantly, Damian loved you. You were the first woman he had ever loved and he was smart enough to know that would never be a mistake. You were his shelter in a storm, his fire in the cold. You were the best sibling that anyone could ever even dream of.
But then you had to part. At age 10, Damian went to live with his father, Bruce Wayne. You had never met the man when he was with your mother and you assumed you wouldn't need to, he wasn't your father.
Both you and Damian didn't want to leave each other. You'd miss your little brother and you'd miss the feeling in your chest whenever you'd look at him. Damian would miss home; he would miss your presence and he would miss the familiarity. But he couldn't stay.
That's something you learnt at the League. Damian couldn't stay, with you. He was meant for bigger things than you.
Another thing you learnt was that you didn't have to stay either. You wanted to see the world, see what everything else had in store for you. And your mother, bless her, gave you her blessing.
Of all the things the league taught you, there were things they missed out on. And a part of you was thankful for that. Because you enjoyed the feeling of wide-eyed wonderment when you stepped into a train station for the first time ever.
You had never tasted a chocolate muffin before, you realized as you stuffed your face at a local bakery. Coffee and chocolate muffins went well together. You liked sweet things better than spicy things, you noted when you didn't enjoy the tteokbokki you bought at a Korean food stall.
People were kind, not foolish. They smiled at you when you came in and genuinely asked you where you were headed. Like the woman you met on the tram who was heading to Washington DC. Even through the short ride, the two of you had bonded and she had left you with her phone number and a promise that if you were ever in DC, you would ring her up. Diana was trusting, too trusting. You could have assumed it was because she was stupid, but you wanted to believe it was because she was smarter than even you.
Some people were kind like her but of course, some were impolite and pig-headed. You of course didn't waste any time putting them in their place. Maybe that was why you shouldn't have any faith in humanity.
But isn't humanity just the thing you should be putting faith in?
It was fun at first, discovering new things, seeing how people really lived outside of books and things taught to you back at the League. You knew everything, you weren't naive enough to be oblivious but reading about something was miles apart from actually experiencing it.
After a while however, you got lonely, it was a huge world with people constantly moving and you've come to realize that unless you're with somebody, you can't really move from your place. Instead, you'd be stuck watching all of them. So, you sought after your brother.
It was easy enough to track Bruce Wayne, he lived in a house large enough to be seen from outer space. Getting to Gotham took longer than you expected. Time passed so easily when you didn't have a purpose but now that you had somewhere you needed to be, the train couldn't go any slower.
Gotham City was less gloomy than people made it out to be. The sun was shining and the city was bustling. In some ways, it seemed a little homey. Maybe that was because you didn't have to worry about someone hurting you. If anything, they should pray that they don't choose you as their next victim.
Of course, you could've gone to Wayne Manor and introduced yourself civilly but you wanted to see Damian more than anything and didn't want to delay it any longer. And more than that, you wanted to see Damian is his cute little school uniform.
That's what led you to wait outside of the well-reputed Gotham University, waiting patiently for the bell to ring and students to file out of it. You already knew that they wouldn't come out singing like in the movies but a very small fraction of you still hoped.
Your heartrate increased with every passing minute, excited to meet your brother after nearly a year of being apart. Eventually, the bell did ring and students began trickling out of the doors, looking like bumble bees, excitedly zipping around and talking to their friends.
'Would this have been my life if I was never born in the League?' You wondered, looking at a girl who was animatedly chatting with her friend, arms interlocked as they moved towards the parking lot where their parents were waiting.
When you finally saw Damian, you suddenly felt out of place. Like an outsider watching someone else's brother when you saw his eyes lock onto someone in the commons. Even though you weren't on the school campus, you could still recognize who it was.
Richard Grayson, oldest son of Bruce Wayne, waiting to pick up your little brother on a motor cycle.
And for the first time in your life, you experienced insecurity, watching them greet each other like brothers. The feeling was sour and you wondered if it was a mistake coming here, thinking that you still had a place here.
It was true, people didn't move from their place unless they had someone to go with. You hadn't felt fulfilled like that since your brother stopped being at your side. He was everything you knew. It was just your mistake for thinking that in the year apart your brother wouldn't have found anyone either.
***
"Drake, pull up the security cameras from today at my school parking lot." Damian ordered, stepping into the Batcave.
"No 'Hello', no 'How you doing?', it's always 'Tim, do this' 'Drake, do that'," Tim commented sarcastically but still pulled up whatever he needed, "And then as soon as I give you what I want, you're going to forget me again. And not even visit the kids."
Dick spared him a laugh at his dramatic scene, ruffling his hair as greeting and then turned his attention to the screen. The footage was played at double the speed until Damian's eyes locked onto just what he wanted to find.
It was just for a second, when Dick's motorcycle had zoomed past but that was all he needed. Damian had seen your face and it wasn't any mistake, he'd know you even if he was blind. Even though he was so sure it had been you, he still couldn't hide the way his body froze, eyes wide when he saw your face.
It was the same face he'd see every night before he went to bed and the very first person he wanted to see every time he woke up. Your image was what came into his mind when he thought of being nurtured, when he thought of being safe.
There was a time when he was younger, too young, there was a thunder storm. He doesn't remember much from the night, just hiding his face against your chest and you wrapping a blanket around him. His mother trained him even harder the next day, until he almost dropped but he'd never forget curling up to your warmth. Not even now, when he knew that thunder storms were the least of his fears.
It was as simple as that. With his father and brothers, he didn't have to worry about looking weak, he didn't think of love as a weakness, rather he considered it as the fuel behind strength. Yes, his father taught him well. And now he would show you just how much he's grown. So, you can be proud of him.
"We need to find her."
"Why? Who is she?"
"My sister."
***
Of all the things you wanted to experience, visiting a bar was one of them. Was the air really enough to intoxicate you? Were you really going to lose all sense when you stepped into it? Would be able to drink your troubles away?
You were sorely disappointed. The alcohol didn't taste good, it burned when you swallowed it and made your tongue feel fuzzy. The music was so loud that your brain began throbbing against your skull to the beat of the song.
Men were picking fights and women were having fun but even then, you couldn't find it in yourself to get up and actually have fun. I mean, how were you supposed to? How was cosying up against a drunk man supposed to make you feel better? How was getting lost in throngs of sweaty people who didn't know what personal space was meant to improve your mood?
If anything, it just reminded you of just how pathetic your life was.
You were realizing you had no purpose. Damian was all you had known for years now, knowing only to protect him with your life and love him with your heart. Who were you without him? What did you like? What made you happy outside from your duty at the league?
A man knocking into you brought you out of your thoughts, which had been happening all night. Except this man stopped in front of you and gave you a smile that turned your stomach upside down.
"Sorry about that pretty lady, let me buy you a drink to make up for it." He spoke with a voice that was trying to be smooth but instead sounded like metal scraping over each other.
"No, thank you." You said sharply, not yet done with your Manhattan anyway. You were barely enjoying your time here as it was and you were sure another drink wouldn't change your mind.
"Not a fan?"
You shook your head at him, choosing to humour the man.
"Then let me buy you another one, if you don't like it then you have nothing to lose."
You pretended to giggle at him and he swelled with pride. Did he think he was winning?
"One Boulevardier." He told the bartender who nodded and began preparing the drink. Until it was ready, you indulged the man in front of you who reeked of cigarettes and alcohol.
He placed the drink in front of you and if you hadn't known that it would burn going down and turn you into a shell of yourself, you might have been curious to what it tasted like.
"You see that dude over there?" He nodded to a man standing in the other corner of the bar and you turned to look at him. Another man, covered in tattoos who didn't look any different than the one standing behind you.
"He's my pal, owns the bar. Ask him and he'll hook you up with free drinks tonight. For a price, of course."
You turned back around to face the man and out of the corner of your eye saw something dissolve into your drink. It was only for a second but you saw the last remaining grains turn invisible and you definitely noticed the way the once steady drink was now swirling into a vortex in the middle.
"Drink up, princess."
You smirked. Tonight, might be fun after all.
***
This was boring.
You had been pretending to be unconscious for about 40 minutes while these men drove you to some undisclosed location. Their conversations were unbelievably dry and it's not like you had anyone else to talk to. Everyone else who might have been even mildly interesting were knocked unconscious.
Eventually they pulled up to some sort of holding facility and if your assumptions were correct then this would be a midpoint before they sold all the girls here to some sort of pimp.
Once they lugged you off the truck and threw you into a room with so many other people, you could hear their breathing did you open your eyes. It seemed like this was some sort of abandoned butcher or meat factory, judging by the ominous hooks hanging above your head and the metal walls. The door had been bolted shut, the only way to look through it was a small glass window.
Only after you finished taking in your surroundings did you even look at the other women who had been trapped in the room along with you. Your stomach turned.
There were so many unsuspecting faces who looked like they didn't sign up for this. Half of them looked under the influence of something, sweating profusely even in their sleep, faces scrunched up in pain. The other looked like they were forcibly taken, bruises covering their skin, hair and clothes in disarray and more than half of them had either a black eye or a swollen lip.
Maybe it was their fault for not being trained, that's what someone at the league would've said. But isn't it their captors’ fault for misusing their training, their strength, for something as vile as this?
You decided to wait, you couldn't assume that this small group of girls was the only one in the confines of the building. How many more were here?
You weren't feeling overwhelmed, not at all, not with the weapons that were littering you. A kunai hidden is either of your boots, throwing stars in your pockets hidden underneath your vest and a war fan in your pocket. You could handle these clowns without even looking up.
But it wasn't your life you were concerned about. It was the lives of these underaged, vulnerable girls who had fallen prey to these monsters.
While you were waiting a couple of the girls started to wake up. Some were still heavily drugged, still groggy when their eyes fluttered open and unable to focus onto anything. Others shot up straight as an arrow and began crying, screaming, begging for them to let them out.
They were ignored, by both their captors and you. Why try and reassure then when you weren't sure what was going to happen. More importantly, why throw off the monsters lurking outside the door that there was one woman who hadn't been phased.
Instead, you just stared blankly, trying to get comfortable and hear anything through the walls. Eventually, you heard the sound of footsteps coming towards the room. You covered the lower half of your face with a scarf, making sure that anyone who left here alive today, wouldn't be able to remember your face. Whether it be as a saviour or their punisher.
The girls whimpered and curled into one another, crying quietly and you felt sympathy. There was no way they'd be able to move forward from this without having fear stab at their heart with every step they took. You could only hope they had something in their life that would make them feel safe.
For tonight, you'd be that for them.
A few men opened the door with a cruel smile, stepping inside for a second before bolting it shut. They flaunted guns and other weapons to the girls, finding pleasure where there should be compassion and worry. You were disgusted watching their smirks twist maniacally when the girls cried harder seeing them brandish their weapons.
One of the men stepped forward and grabbed the girl closest to him who begged and cried to spare her. His disgusting hand might as well be made of acid because you almost felt the sick burn when it snaked between her legs and copped a feel while she sobbed and screamed, trying to fight him off.
You grabbed one of your weapons and returned their sick grins with one of your own.
It was going to be hard to cop a feel when he can't feel anything.
You were going to break each and every bone in his hand to ensure that.
***
"Can I borrow your phone please?" You asked the bloody and broken man by your feet. He glared at you and spat blood on your boots, unable to do anything else. You sighed and faked a pout.
"Is it here?" You wondered, holding the dirtied boot over his ribs and his eyes widened, catching drift of what you were about to do. You rammed your foot into his broken ribs, courtesy of yourself, and he screamed bloody murder. Music to your ears.
"Apparently not. Want me to check your pants?" You asked, raising a brow and he frantically shook his head, using whatever strength left to pull out his phone from his pocket and you smiled, thanking him quietly.
"Now, let's hope that one blow is enough to put you out of my misery." You sang, punching him right in the face and he passed out. Lightweight.
You took a look around the place, seeing bodies littered over the place like confetti. Blood was scattered on the ground and you're sure if people looked hard enough, they'd find someone's teeth. You on the other hand looked fine.
You sat on the floor, crossing your legs comfortably, tired after the fight and dialled a number onto the phone.
"Hello, police?"
"Yes, how can we help you?"
"Well, there's a sex trafficking scam going on at my location. Quite shoddy but they have a number of women trapped here and it would be nice if you could send backup to have them escorted home safely."
"A sex trafficking scam?"
"Well, it could be just a regular trafficking scam but I'm not too sure."
"All right, I'll have someone check it out."
"Good, and I realize you might get a lot of calls like this but please don't talk to me like I'm an idiot. Tell your people to send a couple of ambulances as well, you'll need them."
"Of course."
You could only hope the person on the other end of the line would eat their words when it was on the front of the newspaper. For now, your work was done.
In the meantime, how were you going to get anywhere from here? Where even were you? Was there anyone even conscious here who could give you directions? Or would you have to call the police again to find out where to go?
Not that you'd wait long enough for them actually arrive here. You'd return to the bar way before that for another drink. Maybe now you'd actually be able to enjoy one.
Just as you were about to leave, you heard a creak coming from the other end of the warehouse. It echoed through the halls and you leapt to your feet, soundless moving to hide in the shadows and pulling out a kunai.
The footsteps that followed it were light and airy, barely even touching the ground. They were trained, whoever they were. You kept your ears open in order to hear something.
"Whoever was here was trained." You heard someone comment.
"Are you really that stupid, Nightwing? It's obvious that my sister was the one who took out this ring and reported it." Came the snappy reply back and your breath caught in your chest. Make no mistake, that was your brother's voice.
"We must find her."
He was actually looking for you? He knows you're here? You're not entirely surprised, you haven't exactly been careful or stealthy when it came to concealing your face around Gotham. A mistake on your part but you couldn't have been more relieved.
You still remained quiet, not wanting to disturb the flow, not wanting to interrupt. You had the mind of a soldier but when there was no one to follow you seemed more like a sheep. It made you feel slight shame, that you were unable to stick up for yourself despite being so many things.
Maybe, the league wasn't the best thing for you.
Immediately you scraped the thought from your mind, berating yourself for even thinking that. The league had given you everything, everything you were today was because of them. You were strong and calculating, the leagues proud soldier.
You were proud of your roots, thankful that you grew up to be the person you were. They had given you everything, and your brother was just one of the gifts that you had been blessed with in your life.
"Damian." You spoke softly, stepping out of the shadows. His head snapped towards you, eyes widening when he took in your form. It really was you. His sister.
Damian wasted no time in bounding towards you and you knelt down to meet his eye level, catching him with open arms. A part of your heart sang when you realized he was still small enough to fit in your arms. He still held you close. He still loved you.
"I've missed you, Ya Amar." You spoke softly, cradling his head that was buried in the junction of your neck.
"I as well, Okhti."
***
Damian was ecstatic that you were in Gotham. Of course, it didn't look like it to anyone but everyone who knew him well could tell that he was happy that his sister was home with him. He didn't wait for even two seconds when you got to the Batcave (much to Bruce's surprise) to show you all his pets.
The next few days would be considered the best of his life.
Damian wanted to be as close to you as possible, sitting near you during meals, training with you, talking with you, even going as far to sneak into your temporary bedroom at night for cuddles. He certainly got more comfortable showing affection since the last time you were around.
He showed you his hobbies like painting and sketching and you were impressed. He had the skills to be doing something like this? Damian had picked up many new talents and many new stories since you last saw him and he was eager to share them all with you.
The next few days would be considered the worst of your life.
You had found Damian now, so why didn't you still feel fulfilled? Why did you feel like something was missing? Like this wasn't meant for you? Why weren't you satisfied?
Why did you feel envious that Damian got to experience so many things? Why did you feel resentment against him when you realized you never got the same things he has?
Your life felt like it amounted to nothing.
You loved your brother but so far you had just been living for him. And now that you realized there were parts of the world that you wanted to see. There were thoughts in your mind that were of your own and desires that you didn't have to explain to anyone. As long as it made sense to yourself.
And you realize one thing with an aching heart.
You couldn't stay here in Gotham.
"Does Damian know?" Bruce asked you one day when you had asked him a favour. Bruce so far had been a little cold and unfeeling ever since you had met him in the Batcave uninvited. His feelings towards you got more negative when you gave an offhanded comment about how you thought he was taller. But he was the only one you could ask for a favour. He was the father to your beloved brother and you could only hope he would offer you the same consideration.
You had asked him for a flight to Washington, to see if Diana really meant what she said. To take a leap of faith for the first time in your life.
You shook your head no, "Not yet. I'm hoping he will take the news well. It's not like I'm leaving forever. I just—I need to—" You trailed off, unable to find the right words.
Bruce nodded, "I understand. Just tell him before you go. I don't think I've ever seen him this happy before."
"It makes me feel worse." You admitted, feeling a little guilty. How could you not feel happy at your brother’s happiness?
"You need some time to figure out that your world is yours. No one else should determine how you feel about yourself."
"You are very wise," You said softly, "Thank you."
***
"I love you dearly, Damian." You tried to coerce him from his room where he had locked himself in only 5 minutes ago. No doubt he was sulking since he found out that you would be leaving for DC in two days’ time.
"If you did, you wouldn't be leaving!" His voice was muffled, as if his face was buried in his pillow or even Titus. You had been trying to coax him into open the door for 20 minutes now and had multiple offers from Grayson, which you turned down.
"Oh, for the love of—Damian Wayne, you open this door right now!" It was silent for a moment before you heard the lock click open and took that as the indication from him to step into his room.
It was large and from the moment you stepped in, it was easy to tell the space was his. There were swords mounted on the wall, paintings on the wall adjacent to it. His desk was tidy and in the corner of his room, there were multiple easels and sketch pads.
Damian was sulking on his bed and you sighed, feeling guilty. You sat beside him and ran your fingers through his hair. Even though he was upset with you, he still sank into your touch, feeling comforted by mere contact.
"It's not forever, Damian. Wherever I'm going, I'm going to come back. I just need some time to myself." You tried to explain.
"But why!"
"The league taught me well, Damian. But it taught me to live like a soldier, but not as a person. There are so many things that I don't know about myself. What do I like? What do I want to do with my life? And I need to figure it out for myself."
"Why can't you do that here?"
You gave him a pained look and realization dawned on him, "Because of me."
"Damian, in the time we spent apart you learnt so many things about yourself. That you like animals, that you like art. There are so many blanks in my life and I need the distance to figure it out. I need to understand myself." You explained wistfully.
It was true, there were so many blanks in your life. You didn't even know what food you liked better, what hobbies you enjoyed. You wanted to experience new things, without the influence of Damian, without relying on him. And more importantly, you were scared you would put Damian above yourself time and time again.
It was all you knew. Damian was worth more than your life, worth more than your heart. But if that was true, you wanted to know at least what your heart was worth to you. If you didn't hold any value to yourself, it would be foolish to think you would to anyone else.
You needed the distance. You needed something new. You wanted to dive into uncharted waters and figure out the magic for yourself, without anyone to help you.
"It's not forever," You reminded gently, "I'm going to come back, I can promise you that."
Damian began leaning until his head was settled in your lap and you chuckled, gently scratching his scalp and he nestled into your belly. Hard to believe this was the same boy who left only a year ago. You wondered if you would change as much as he did or if you were stuck in your ways now.
"Okay," He said, voice muffled and you smiled, "I hope you find what you're looking for."
"Thank you for your blessing, Ya Amar. It means the world to me. I love you; you know that."
"I do." He said, now wrapping his arms around your waist, "I love you too."
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210104 Weverse Magazine ‘Be’ Comeback Interview - Suga
SUGA “I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music” BTS BE comeback interview 2021.01.04
SUGA has this way of talking passionately with a deadpan look on his face. Full of passion about his life and music.
How is your shoulder? SUGA: Good. I think it’ll get even better once I take off this brace. Apparently, it takes several months for a full recovery, but I'm trying to get better as fast as possible.
How does it feel like to have resolved a problem that has distressed you for long? SUGA: First of all, I'm glad. The pain is one thing, but when my shoulders got worse, I couldn't even raise my arms. But when I heard that this might recur when getting the surgery at a young age, I waited for the right time and had decided to get it done early next year regardless of the COVID-19 situation. I had planned to get the surgery after the year-end stages, but I got it done this year (2020) because my doctors advised me to start preparing early for next year’s promotions and activities.
How does it feel like watching the other members doing promotions? SUGA: I can't say it feels great. I could see the emptiness because we've been together as a group of seven for so long. Not necessarily because I'm not there but because something that should be there is missing?
Is that what made you join the promotion as much as possible? You shot lots of video footage in advance and you even appeared in the Mnet “2020 MAMA” through VR. SUGA: Fake SUGA (Laughs). There’s this 3D studio where we shot it. I shot, scanned, and acted there, but couldn't see the actual result at the studio. I thought a sense of displacement was unavoidable, and that was exactly the case. (Laughs) I acted normal because it would have been aired anyway even if I hadn’t had the surgery, but it seems a lot because it’s aired after the surgery.
You must feel restricted not being able to go on stage. SUGA: The thing is, it's only been a month after I got surgery, but my absence on stage is so apparent. But my doctors keep telling me that I shouldn't be impatient and in fact, many athletes get a resurgery when they return to the field without proper rehabilitation. So I'm working on trying to care less. For the first two weeks after surgery, I felt so frustrated that I tried out new things. I even watched movies I didn't watch.
What movies did you watch? SUGA: I watched ‘Samjin Company English Class’ as it happened to be on IPTV, and now I have ‘Tenet’ on my list. ‘Parasite’ was the last movie I saw at a cinema. As the social distancing measures became stricter, I haven’t been going outside, except going to the hospital. I even eat at home. I'm also watching a lot of TV nowadays. Watching music shows like ‘Sing Again’, ‘Folk Us’, and ‘Show Me The Money 9’ made me think of what I should do in the upcoming days.
Could you elaborate on that? SUGA: A lot of candidates on ‘Sing Again’ are very talented but hadn't had the opportunity, and on ‘Folk Us’, I noticed that many took their own guitars on stage. I started playing the guitar lately and I'm having this urge to broaden my scope of music. And since my interest in the music industry in the U.S. grew, I'm getting prepared, studying English and all.
What fueled your interest? SUGA: In some ways it’s the most commercially developed market. You could lose the industry attention in a flash if it's not feasible. So in this system, you would try everything and that would be an efficient way. I want to do music for a long time, and to this end, I always want to learn more about the global music industry because I want to do music that’s loved not only in Korea, but also in the U.S., Japan and Europe.
Speaking of which, it seems BE was influenced from music of the past rather than today's trends. SUGA: I especially like impromptu music. I love the songs that were made in one take instead of being recorded several times. In this era of crossover genres, the desire to do better in music is growing inside me.
As the genres become more blended, the melody you use must be more important. Does starting to play the guitar affect your composing in any way? SUGA: I always liked using guitar sounds. And I have always liked the Eagles. If you play the guitar, it’s way easier to write songs because you can carry it along wherever you go, pluck on the strings to create melody lines. Keyboards are difficult to carry around. (Laughs) I usually work on my laptop but I had this thought that I definitely needed an instrument. It accelerates my work and improves my understanding of chords.
It makes me think you could intuitively make melodies. SUGA: It’s easier to write a song because you can intuitively make a progression and try many different things. During my work on ‘Eight’, IU had recorded and sent me a song from her phone. At the time I couldn’t play the guitar, so we tried to make sure we’re working on the same page when keeping track of each other's progress. That made me feel the need to learn an instrument.
This is actually before you started playing the guitar, but I found ‘Telepathy’ in BE very interesting. The varying melodic progressions between hooks for each member made me wonder if you wrote the melody intuitively for each part. SUGA: I tried writing a melody for the first time this year (2020), and as I started knowing the fun of music, it opened a lot of new doors for me. So it was kind of easy working on it. I just played a beat and wrote from the beginning until the end. Done. I wrote it in just 30 minutes. The song almost wrote itself. The trends of pop and hip-hop these days cross boundaries between vocals and rap. I like this trend.
When I listen to your singing, it feels like you’re hitting the beats rather than singing along the notes. So I thought perhaps you're singing as if you're rapping. SUGA: When you're rapping, you just think of the rhythm, so it’s like simply putting on a melody to a rhythm. To define which comes first, I think melody adds to it while writing the rap.
In ‘Life Goes On’, the lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me, nothing’s changed’ are somewhere in between. It's not rap but it’d be mundane to say it's a mere melody. SUGA: There are obviously songs where the rap needs to be highlighted. For example, in ‘Dis-ease’ or ‘Ugh!’, you have to be good at rap. But in songs that should be easy to listen to, impressive raps are not always the way to go. Sometimes, you want smooth transitions without obstacles.
In that sense, the rap flow of ‘Blue & Grey’ was impressive. Rather than a dramatic effect that emphasizes each part, you extended the rap just as much as the slowing beat. SUGA: To be honest, this beat is difficult to rap to. The beginning of the song only has a guitar line, which made it even more difficult. I participated when we wrote lyrics for ‘Blue & Grey’ and I've always wanted to work on a song like this. It was because verse 1 talks about the theme of the song.
It seems you achieved almost everything that you wanted in BE. SUGA: I think it took less than a week to make my part in the album. After having written one or two melodies for ‘Life Goes On’, I wrote a version complete with rap, and liked it that I even worked on a separate arrangement and lyrics. Rather than pondering over the ways that might work, I choose to simply play the music and write.
Many creators are unsure even after they’ve produced good work. How do you get the conviction to release your work? SUGA: Many musicians are unsure whether they should release their music or not. It was the same for me, but the thing is, you’ll never release anything if you nitpick everything. For example, if we release 10 songs, we have a chance to unveil them in concerts or fan events. And sometimes, as we listen to the song, we think, ‘Why does this part that had bothered me no longer bother me?’ Some things might feel awkward at some point, but in time, it no longer feels awkward. Even I forget about it. So it's more efficient to fine tune, looking at the big picture, rather than thinking too much about the details. On top of that, during promotions, I don’t have the time to pick tracks that others have sent for 10 hours. It would be a success for all of us if each of us play and write a melody in their own time and collaborate with others on the details. So the way of songwriting has evolved in many aspects.
What motivated such evolution? SUGA: I think it evolved naturally. I've changed in personality this year (2020), as well as in terms of my interpretation and attitude toward life to the extent that I almost thought I've been rehearsing. How would it feel like if there were no stage to go to or anyone looking out for me? This thought made me realize the value of these things.
In ‘Dis-ease’, you sing ‘I don’t know if it’s the world that's sick’. Was it this lifestyle that changed your thoughts about your work? SUGA: Yes. When I was young, I had embraced the belief that ‘It must be my fault’, but as I got older, I realized that this is not always true. Most of what I had thought was my fault was in fact, not my fault. On the other hand, there are things that I did well and times I had been lucky.
‘I NEED U’ came out during a time when you were still thinking, “It must be me”. After the members put on a stage with ‘I NEED U’ in KBS' ‘Song Festival’, you wrote on Weverse, “It’s the same as five years ago.” How would you compare with back then? (This interview was held on December 19, 2020.) SUGA: We've matured quite a bit. And our stage performances have become more natural. I still like ‘I NEED U’. Just listening to the beat makes me sentimental, and above all, the song came out nicely. So as I was watching this and that when I stumbled across old videos. Watching them made me think that we haven’t changed much.
In what aspect haven't you changed much? SUGA: Before the social distancing measures got stricter, I talked with the photographer for BE, whom I had met four years ago. The photographer was surprised that we hadn’t changed much after all the success, even though he had assumed we’d be very different.
I'm amazed personally. I’ve had the chance to meet the members before your debut, but from your way of talking with members or others, it seems you haven't changed. SUGA: I think it's because we don’t give it a big deal about success. For example, it's incredible to be ranked first on the Billboards, but there’s also this sense of, “Okay, and?”
Even the Grammys? (Laughs) SUGA: When we got nominated for the Grammy Awards, we thought, ‘Is this real?’ (Laughs) Of course we were delighted, but it didn’t make us think, ‘We're singers nominated for the Grammy.’ If you're nominated, you're nominated, and if you get the award, you get the award. You don't get shaken by that. I know it's a great award and would be so grateful if we receive it, but we know that nothing is possible without the tremendous support of our fans. What’s more important is that the fans are more flattered than us when we receive a great award. So everyone's rejoicing, but it’s like, ‘Let's do what we have to do.’ We've been training ourselves to keep finding our places, so no one remains overexcited.
In ‘Fly To My Room’, there are lyrics that say, ‘This room is too small to contain my dream’, and ‘Sometimes this room becomes an emotional trash can, but it embraces me.’ I had this feeling that the room had been such a place and that you were accepting that you have changed. Then the essence must have remained the same. SUGA: It wasn’t easy to accept that we eventually change. But I think it's a good thing that we changed. What we did back then was possible only at that time, and we could change because of the things we had accomplished.
Then, what new things are you dreaming about? SUGA: I'm eager to continue doing music. Since all performances were canceled due to COVID-19, I had a chance to talk to so many musicians in Korea. I talked with legendary singers as well as people who are my contemporaries. Talking with them once again made me realize that I love music so much. Because music is my profession, I can’t imagine myself not doing it. I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music.
What kind of music do you think you’ll be engaged in in the future? SUGA: I was greatly motivated when I saw the concert of Na Hoon-a last Chuseok . I wondered how many musicians would actually be able perform and write music for so long like he has. At that moment, it occurred to be that ‘I want to be like him’. He has passion and desire, and most of all, he is a superstar. A few years ago, I took my parents to a Na Hoon-a concert, and when they watched the performance last Chuseok, they said it was way less impressive to see him perform through the TV. (Laughs)
That must explain your interest in a broader spectrum of music from instruments to composing and musical genres. Because you want to be doing this for a long time. SUGA: My goal is to continue doing music in any shape or form. In that sense, I have this great respect toward Cho Yong-pil. He takes the best sound there is and reinterprets it into his own. I think that’s something I want to emulate and keep changing and evolving so that I can continue doing music for decades to come.
The lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me nothing’s changed’ must sound more meaningful for the fans because they will be listening to your music for a long time. SUGA: A month and a half in the current times must seem like a lifetime for the fans when we're far apart. I feel the same. But I think that's proof that we worked hard for the past seven years and that the fans have been passionately reaching out to us. I'm striving to get to them as fast as I can, and I'm eager to go on stage. I'm going through this because I want to be better on stage in a better condition, so don't be sad, and please hang in there a little longer.
Trans © Weverse
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Outer Banks season 2 Official Trailer shot-by-shot rundown
A comprehensive post where I scream about analyze the entire trailer frame by frame for clues, theories, and plot. Just my own opinions and general tin foil-hatting
These are screenshots from Netflix’s trailer for Outer Banks season 2. I do not claim or own any of these.
note: this post is tagged as a long post if you wish to avoid having to scroll until your thumbs break.
“My old man used to tell me, ‘it’s best to never say you’ve hit rock bottom’.”
(Putting all of these shots together since they’re scenes we already know but-) Holy shit, okay let’s just....start off like this I guess, damn.
“'Trust me’, he said...”
Kiara looking back and forth between the boys like this really just feeds the headcanon I have that her form of grief this season is going to be her trying to hold it together for their sakes (and eventually just snapping).
JJ just looks fucking furious someone give these kids a hug? I already know this scene is going to ruin me.
“You can always go...”
JJ back working at the hotel. He looks literally so angry again in this scene I could see him self destructing at work and losing his job? (Please do not be isolating yourself you beautiful son of a bitch even though I know you’re going to).
Pope in the Twinkie (costuming wise they all are in warmer looking clothes for some of the shots, so just confirming it’s a little bit into the school year when this all takes place).
“Lower”
Big John was real big into pep talks, I see. (seriously can you imagine Big John having this conversation with like 8 year old John B after he fucking dropped his ice cream cone or some shit I shouldn’t be laughing).
I’m just-
These poor kids, I wanna know how the police all the way down in the Bahama’s knew about them?
Their calves....
“RUN!”
Are going to be so fucking jacked by the end of this season I stg.
Fuck you.
“The gold from the Royal Merchant....it’s here.”
For a while, I had thought that maybe they didn’t even make it to the Bahama’s at the front of the season and ended there (because everyone had been filming in there). But I guess they’re going to be making two trips.
If I were a bird from this POV I’d shit right on that house no questions asked.
oooooh ho hokay. Just so we’re clear. Ward Cameron not only get away with murder and about two dozen other felonies, but-
“Half a billion.”
HE STILL FINDS THE GOLD IN THE CRAIN HOUSE AND GETS TO KEEP IT?
Not the polo with the snap back, I just know this man has a playlist called Sad Boi Hours that is just Juice WRLD’s top 5 songs on Spotify and he tells his friends they wouldn’t know the underground artists he listens to.
Sh, you have lost screaming privileges. Go inside and take a nap maybe.
“John B, we are fugitives in a foreign country.”
So, previously, I was talking about how I was confused how they would still be trying to find him is everyone thought he was dead, but here the wanted poster clearly says “presumed lost at sea”. I think that will be interesting to see how the Pogues all interpret that.
Especially because they already had a memorial for John B and everything, I wonder if there will be any part of the Pogues holding out hope that they both could still be out there OUCH.
I’m going to circle back to this, but it looks like John B and Sarah are going to get separated for a little while in this man hunt, I could see my idiot himbo son trying to sacrifice himself so Sarah can get away but in reality just....stranding her.
“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid?”
Oh, sweetie....
“Well, Sarah Cameron, I do stupid things all the time without realizing it.”
The volume of his self awareness is astronomical. sir, that is your whole character summed up in your own words.
GOD, IT’S ME AGAIN. PLEASE LET THEM LEAN INTO COMPLETE HIMBO JOHN B THIS SEASON I’LL DO ANYTHING-
nyyooooOOOOOOOOOOOOM-
“Hold on!”
The complete abject terror I would feel having John Booker Routledge driving get-away and then saying the words “Hold on” while reaching fro the gear shift? The english language fails me.
Sarah, bestie, I’m so sorry.
I just wanna know-
what the plan or objective was in this situation. What was the reason for being this dramatic.
Rest in piss, bozo <3
“Ward’s still out there...”
Okay, same conversation they were having as before. I wonder what makes them decide they need to get back to the OBX for this tho.
“I can clear my name. This can all be over in one shot.”
It looks like Topper watching this but way more concerningly, correct me if I’m wrong but this 100% looks like....John B gets caught. And the DEATH PENALTY?! He did have a mug shot for the fliers in s1 and the one above but he was never brought in? Plus he just looks super dirty and dishevled in this one so I-
Jail break anyone?
I also still want to know if they’re going to go with a Topper redemption arc this season. like, does he know more than he should just from being around Rafe and his big fat mouth? Is he going to help out the Pogues even if it’s just for Sarah?
This shot just suddenly made me really sad. The thought of this all started because Big John left one last thing for his son to find, his literal life’s work. And when it all started, it was just a fun adventure John B and his best friends were going on together and having fun with. Then it all got dragged to absolute shit and turned into what it did, including the remaining 3 Pogues thinking that this treasure hunt took their two best friends away from them. And it’s nothing like Big John intended it to be.
Why my eyes wet?
Now we’re edging into what I was talking about earlier with John B and Sarah getting separated.
“If you think there is anything I wouldn’t do...”
Once again, John B is no where to be found. Also, just in case y’all didn’t already know or forgot Ward is an actual psychopath.
I believe this one of the new character, played by Jontavious Johnson (Stubbs). Based on the voice over it lowkey sounds like they’re implying Ward maybe hired Stubbs and Cleo to find and bring Sarah back. My theory would be I bet they do go to retrieve her, but she somehow convinces them that it would be more beneficial for them in the end to be on the Pogue’s side instead.
Miss Girl you gotta be keeping your head on a SWIVEL. Especially when you’re a FUGITIVE of the LAW-
“...you haven’t been paying attention.”
My guy, who are you clarifying this for?
It’s what you deserve for monologuing.
in all seriousness, the idea of them coming to face to face with Ward in Nassau after thinking they finally escaped him is genuinely terrifying.
“SARAH!”
It kind of looks like they’re either hiding their faces or covering their noses? I don’t know maybe it was from some tactic to get away from Ward.
What did I literally jsut say about yelling privileges, you unhinged mother fucker?
“I’m calling the shots now. I’m driving.”
The following progression of scenes made me actually snort-
“I can’t drive stick.”
PLEASE THE FINGER GUNS LAUNCHED ME INTO ORBIT I LOVE THEM, YOUR HONOR.
Alright, so now it looks like we’re in Charleston. This is the same scene with Heyward’s truck that got leaked from BTS (read: JJ and Kie shoulder touch).
One of the main things that stuck out to me in the following scenes which, you will see, is it lowkey looks like Pope is kind of heading up this part of the operation, or even going in alone? The following clips are just very Pope focused.
I don’t know what it means, it’s just an observation.
“John B was not the only one that Ward double-crossed.”
LIMBRY-
Bro, we have been hearing about this woman for literal months and I just have....so many questions?
Who the hell is she? How is she connected to Ward? Why is she in South Carolina instead of the OBX? How do the Pogues even learn about her and how to track her down? How is she meant to “help” them? GAH I JUST WANNA KNOOOW. I already know I don’t trust her though and no I will not be offering up supporting evidence.
Sir, that is my son please unhand him.
“I think you know what I want.”
.......no? But feel....free to explain yourself?
The print on the paper is the same one that’s on the ceiling tiles in the following scene. Obviously, with a key on it that most likely goes to the place a few shots from now.
Hell yeah, son, let’s get SLEUTHING.
“The treasure belongs to the Pogues.”
DAMN STRAIGHT.
Bestie’s I’m not going to lie, I stared at this frame for a solid 10 minuets and I have no idea what it says on there I’m sorry. Someone in the comments is welcome to enlighten us.
“We gotta find it first.”
I can’t tell if that’s just dirt or if he hurt his head? But he look GOOD right now for one thing. For another, same outfit as the one in the Twinkie from the beginning of the trailer.
Look at her. LooK AT HER! LOOK! AT! HER! I MISSED HER SO MUCH even in that damn smiley face top that continues to haunt my waking hours she is in it so much and it stresses me out for literally no good reason I’m sorry-
I could literally cry right now and I think that speaks volumes to how little we actually see him genuinely happy. Have I mentioned how much I love that red hat?
Also, probably not that important, but this is not from the same scene as the shots of Pope and Kiara were. This is from the next one-
“Woogity-woogity?”
“Give me some woogity, baby!”
Yeah, this pushed me over the fucking edge, the way that they’re actually happy and laughing? The fact that they kept woogity-woogity and made it A Thing? Yes.
I am, however, going to be intentionally ignoring what appears to be the very intentional stagingof having such an obvious space between where Kiara and Pope are sitting adn where JJ sits, even including the level they’re sitting on because I don’t have the emotional capacity to face those implications right now. Thank you for your time.
Yes yeeeeEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
GIVE ME ALL OF THE SCENES OF THEM ACTUALLY GETTING TO BE TEENAGERS AND JUST BREATHE AND LAUGH AND HAVE A GOOD TIME AND NOT BE RUNNING FOR THEIR FUCKING LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!
before Rafe comes in and literally starts shooting because they can’t breathe for more than 7 seconds but we’ll....get to that.
They refer to Sarah as a Pogue this season or I burn Netflix to the ground. Your move, Jonas.
50 bucks says John B is driving the Twinkie again for the first time since being back.
I deadass think the Pogues JUST got Sarah and John B back and they’re just having the time of their life. Kie was in her smiley face outfit when Pope was in this one a few clips ago, and I still hold to the belief that that one still they released of JJ and Kie hopping over a fence is the Pogue reunion so-
Ward? I have no idea what he’s looking at behind the wall paper and I’ll be so honest I don’t care my eyes are only seeing Pogue content right now.
“This is a map of the whole island.”
This fit, when will John B learn how to operate buttons, stay tuned for season 5. Also my previous theory of this being their reunion outfits and stuff because Pope is in the back in the same jacket as before.
The plot thickens and so has JJ’s hair, Rudy drop the shampoo brand.
Please, dear God, tell me they’re back in the sex church. For @jiaaraa sake.
Kiara, your Madison is showing.
Okay, I really did try but all I can make out is Something to the tomb begin something something.
You’re welcome.
I am no expert but I do not believe boats operate on land.
John B looks like he is in the same outfit here that is in his mug shot we saw on the TV screen so I have a sneaking suspicion this is where he gets caught.
“John B is back-”
Once again with the damn sexual tension that’s always between Barry and Rafe in every scene they do are we about to kiss right now?
“-it’s him or me.”
First of all, no.
Second of all, I’m just....so very confused about this time line this season. It kind of looks like Ward and Rafe follow and find Sarah and John B in Nassau (unless those scenes by the truck were actually back in the OBX). So did they....go to Nassau, then just come right back when they did? I’m just confused.
Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.
Literally when will you stop at this point I am begging you.
This looks like the same scene the Pogues were, ya know, literally just having a good time at so fuck me, I guess.
Yeah, no, it’s going to be a no from me, I’m just going to pretend like I’m not seeing this and moving on.
I have simply no idea what is going on here or who that is on the bike but maybe JJ? Maybe Luke even? I think that’s JJ’s bike.
The sewer scene. The SEWER SCENE-
For months sicne that tiktok leaked this damn scene has been genuinely all I could think about. So (obviously) it seems like they’re sending Kie down into the sewer to go do seomthing and things go horribly, horribly wrong.
If you haven’t seen the tiktok, essentially all it was was JJ and Pope screaming and trying to lift up the man hole cover while Kie is begging for them to hurry from inside. I’m cheating a little bit as this isn’t a shot from the trailer but this picture was posted and it’s from the same scene.
I’ll just....leave this here. Back to the trailer shots.
Nice. Also, same shirt as mugshot.
Hey, um, what?
Kiara’s car, she’s driving, I can’t tell who’s in the back seat or the front.
Holy God what is going on and how can I as an audience member put a stop to it?
So, same scene as we will see and was in the teaser but, for some reason, they’re all jumping off of a giant ass boat into the little life raft where it looks like JJ gets hurt later but don’t you worry we’re getting to that.
JJ AND KIARA WITH THE POGUE HANDSHAKE JJ AND KIARA WITH THE POGUE HANDSHAKE THEY BOTH LOOK SO DAMN GOOD AND THEIR LITTLE SMILES SPARE ME-
Cleo 🥵
I’m so excited to see her arc and what it brings this season you guys have no idea.
Please for the love of God be about to get Ward Cameron’s ass like he deserves literally punt him into jail right from Tanny Hill.
Sarah at My Druther’s with what looks like a bloody bandage on her side? Same outfit she’s wearing when they’re running from the police on the beach and she has the bandage there too so. Interesting.
Topper hugging who I’m pretty sure is Sarah, being a general douche because he’s clearly looking at John B like 😏
Clips like these serve to remind me just how many of my worldly posessions I would gladly give up to be able to punch Topper Thorton in the throat one time.
I think this is Cleo jumping off the boat with Pope after John B and Sarah.
Absolutely busting a lung at Pope’s form in this one.
John B and Sarah waiting in the life raft, still Cleo and Pope coming after them. The obvious next question is where are JJ and Kiara. The scene I’m sure you all have been waiting for is coming up and clearly takes place in the life raft as well.
So, I really think JJ and Kie get left for last, something horrible happens as they’re trying to jump (my head instantly goes to JJ maybe like pushing Kie out of the way and getting hit on the head instead or even just some accident).
And, oh my GOD a scene of him falling off the boat after it happens and Kiara diving in after him immediately, having to desperatly try to stop him from sinkingand get to the life raft holy shit-
Girl CATCH HIM?????
Because why wouldn’t this be Rafe’s fault. Part of me wonders if this isn’t related to JJ being hurt.
I am going to try and unpack this as calmly as possible because behind my computer screen I am vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass but respectfully.
WHAT IN THE FUCK IS TIAUEWFHLAILA
Okay, so scene wise, JJ’s hit his head somehow (probably while he was jumping with Kiara) it looks like and now they’re back on the raft.
In my opinion, this is either:
A) JJ is in really, really bad condition after getting hurt in the jump and they’re not sure he’s going to make it. So this is a “Please stay with me, stay awake, please don’t die” hug OR
B) They very narrowly just avoided a deadly situation (my first thought is JJ hits his head while jumping, passes out in the water, maybe almost drowns but Kie and the others get him onto the life raft in time) and this is more of a “Oh my God, you’re okay, you’re safe now, we’re okay” hug.
I honestly lean more to the second one based on the little bit of Sarah’s face we saw in the background. To me, it almost looked like she was smiling thru tears, which, fits way more with the second option than the first.
Anyways. Moving on before I burst a lung again.
(also, before anyone comes at me, no, I’m not happy JJ is hurt, obviously.
(Once again, arrest outfits). You can still see the bandage but it looks like Sarah’s limping now too so...good Lord give the girl a break maybe?
Everything in this trailer just went to shit so fast I think I have whip lash, can we go back to the Pogues hanging out and being happy now pkease I liked those scenes.
“I get it. You guys are scared.”
“No.”
She’s cute but, uh, hello sewer scene outfits. Seems like them planning to do whatever the hell they were going to do in the sewers but the boys are starting to get cold feet as maybe they should but hind sight is 20/20 I suppose.
“It’s kind of cute.”
“I’m not scared.”
“You should’ve just led with that.”
I will never be able to express how much I adore Pogue banter and general dumbassery and I have a feeling this season will not be lacking in either department
I high key don’t think these two are actually going to be there for this scene to go down but I’ll let it slide this time because-
They do be kinda cute.
It both feels like I’ve been waiting for this damn show for 3 years and also like I just watched season 1 last month explain that to me.
Either way holy shit. I missed this dumb show and these dumb kids so much it physcially hurts and WE GET THEM BACK IN T-MINUS 16 DAYS.
Also. Where The Hell Is Wheezie Cameron And When Will She Have The Rights She Deserves.
#THIS LEGIT TOOK ME ALL DAY#AND I HAD A BLAST#im simply not ready#jiara nation how we feeling#UGH i missed them so much dude#outer banks season 2#obx#long post#shot by shot rundown#jiara#the pogues#obx2#john b routledge#pope heyward#sarah cameron#kiara carrera#jj maybank#jarah b#john b x sarah#jj maybank x kiara carrera#cleo#rafe cameron#topper thornton
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The Trouble With Wanting
Summary: Though life has changed for you, for the rest of the world, everything remains the same.
Word Count: 1.3K
Author's Note: Hello yes it's the beginning of Act II of Mad Love. Buckle up. Special shoutout to @mrslangdonn for being so pumped for this and making an actual meme. Really hope I didn't let you down with this.
Mad Love Act I here!
In the grand scheme of things, life has been oddly normal lately. Since being kidnapped by witches, saved by your Antichrist husband, admitting that you actually do love said Antichrist husband, and realizing that you’re potentially the only thing that can stop the end of times, the world continued turning and the days marched on. Michael did what he normally did during the days (you don’t really know what it is he does, to be honest. Probably just talking to rich people all day), and you did too. Life continued as it had been, even though it felt like your world had been changed numerous times lately. Honestly, you had expected things to be a lot more dramatic.
But no, life was almost boring now. Mallory had gone back to New Orleans to handle being the Supreme and running her coven, so besides the texts and phone calls with her to try and figure out how to convince Michael that ending the world wasn’t the right course of action to take, the vigilante talk was almost non-existent in your day-to-day life. That was also because neither of you had any idea how to actually put this plan into action. There had been ideas, of course, but none that held any weight. That may be because the best idea either of you had had was a Powerpoint that showed all of the reasons why ending the world was a bad idea, but in your opinion that was still an idea that was on the table.
Also, you assumed that professors wouldn’t take “preoccupied by your husband’s plans for world domination” as a proper excuse for you not completing your work or showing up to class. At the very least, with how turbulent your life had been, you had expected far less homework than what you’re staring at right now.
You’re sitting in your room, doing some reading for class. Surprisingly, the reading isn’t that boring. It’s certainly not fun to do, which is probably why you hear the music right away; your attention absolutely is not all that focused tonight. It catches you entirely off-guard, considering that there’s no speakers in your room and you definitely did not have any music playing from your phone. You listen for a moment, trying to place the melody.
“Is this Frankie Valli?” you question, standing up from your bed and trying to find the source. Opening up your door to see if this is an isolated incident, you find that the music is drifting throughout the house. ‘Drifting’ is probably the wrong word, since it literally sounds like there’s speakers playing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” that are installed in every room and hallway.
“Hi,” you say, finally coming across Michael in the living room. He’s standing there nonchalantly, which you automatically know means that he’s involved in this.
“Hi,” Michael says right back.
“Uh, what’s with the music?”
“Well, I was on my phone earlier, and I came across an article.”
Smiling, you step towards him. “You did?”
He nods. “I did, and it was extremely informative. Did you know that married couples typically have a reception after they officially get married? Apparently, they share a first dance at the reception.”
“And you believe everything you read on the internet?”
“Sometimes, if there’s some truth to what I’m reading.” You stare at him, biting back a laugh. “We’re married.”
“We are married.”
“We didn’t have a first dance when we got married.”
“No, we did not.”
Finally, Michael sighs, tired of you playing dumb. “(Y/N), may I have this dance?”
You grab Michael’s outstretched hand, letting him pull you towards him. One hand goes onto your waist, the other intertwined with yours. He begins to lead you in a simple waltz, and you’re thankful that he knows how to dance because you sure don’t. “I didn’t know you knew this song,” you comment when you realize he’s humming.
“I enjoy the classics.”
“There’s this scene from a movie, where one of the main characters--”
“You’re talking about 10 Things I Hate About You, right?” You raise an eyebrow in questioning, and he chuckles. “Madelyn loved ‘90s rom coms, and sometimes I was bored enough that I would watch them with her.”
“I’m a little impressed.”
Michael spins you around. “You should be.”
The romanticism of the whole situation is almost overwhelming. It doesn’t matter that you’re in your living room instead of a reception hall, wearing sweatpants instead of a wedding dress. You’re here with Michael, and just that is romance enough for you. You could stand here like this, with him, forever if he asked you to do so.
“What if we had an actual wedding?” Michael asks.
“We did have an actual wedding.”
“I mean one where you actually have a say in it.”
“Well that’s sweet of you, Michael, but you still haven’t taken me on a proper date.”
“My apologies.” He dips you, kissing you before bringing you back up. “How’s Paris for a first date? Maybe Greece?”
You gasp. “Seriously?”
“Absolutely. Wherever you want, whenever you want, however you want.” He punctuates each scenario with a kiss, making your body melt into him. The song ends, the house falling into silence before the music begins to repeat. But neither of you are paying attention to that any more, not when he’s staring at you in a way that makes heat pool in the bottom of your stomach.
“Michael,” you whisper, tilting your head up to kiss him again.
He reciprocates, trailing kisses down your jaw and onto your throat as his hands move up and down your sides. All too soon, he pulls away, making you groan in disappointment. “We shouldn’t, you know…”
“I know,” you lean your head against his chest with a sigh.
Of course. The main issue that’s been prevalent on both yours and Michael’s minds for weeks now: you’re married and you love each other, but sex is...not going to happen for the time being. You both absolutely, 100% want to, but, as with most things in your life, Satan seems to be the major roadblock. You just never thought that your father-in-law (who you’ve still never met) would end up cockblocking you.
Just because Michael made sure that you wouldn’t be under Satan’s influence, that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t stop trying. If anything, he’s going to try even more now that both of you had openly defied his will. And what was the one thing that Satan wanted besides the end of the world? For Michael to have an heir. And you didn’t trust any sort of contraception when it came to the supernatural powers that you had been married into. Michael completely agreed with that, especially since he knew first-hand just how easily material things (like condoms and all of the various forms of birth control) could be manipulated. So for now, until you could figure out a way to safely get it on, sex was off the table. Unfortunately.
“I’m going to go finish my reading, then.” Slowly, because neither of you particularly want to, you disentangle yourself from him.
“And I’m going to...take a shower. A cold shower.” You laugh at him, but you’re really in the same position that he is.
“Have a good night,” you say, bounding up the stairs before you can stop yourself.
“You too.” Michael also goes up the stairs, and you shut your door before you have to say something to him again. You still keep separate bedrooms, partly because you really enjoy your space and partly because you know that, given the opportunity to be laying in a bed with Michael when you’re both horny, you would totally let him fuck you.
Sliding your back down the door, you groan as you hold your head in your hands. Saving the world from the apocalypse is definitely difficult. Having to stop yourself from having sex with your incredibly hot husband? Well, that feels impossible.
//
Tag List (starting from scratch because I need a new tag list so message me if you want to be tagged!): @michaellangdon @trelaney @xavierplympton @hecohansen31 @blakescoven @we-did-it-joe @thatonehumanbeing05 @michaellangdonstanaccount
#mad love#michael langdon#michael langdon imagine#michael langdon imagines#american horror story#american horror story imagine#american horror story apocalypse#ahs#ahs imagine
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my top 2020 fics!
okay! so i recently jumped back into this fandom after a couple of years, and started reading fic again, and i wanted to rec some of my favorites that were written this year. there’s ten on this list, and i probably could’ve done like 30 but this is already so long lol. it’s kind of in a general order, so #1 is my fav for this year, but i tried not to focus on the ranking too much because it stresses me out and i don’t need any more anxiety so it’s ended up being a pretty vague system.
1. Our Lives, Non-Fiction (113k) by @indiaalphawhiskey
listen. I’ve reblogged this fic like 10 times. I’ve read it twice already and it came out less than 3 weeks ago. It is an instant classic, right up there with fics like TIF or Wear it like a Crown. It has gorgeous, gorgeous writing, a thoroughly developed plot and well written character development, and such a compelling story. It is a marcel/louis fic, and I usually shy away from that kind of thing, but i’m so glad i didn’t this time because god, this one is so good. Seriously, if anyone ends up reading it, come and rant to me about it and we can cry together. Halfway through the second chapter, I created a note on my phone so I could keep track of everything I loved, and my comment on that fic is essentially a love letter to @indiaalphawhiskey. It's just so good. If you’re going to read one fic off this list, read this one.
2. Loving You's a Bloodsport (106k) by @rosesau
okay i’m pretty sure this one made me cry like four times, which is a feat for me because i’m not usually a crier. Its soulmates with a little bit of a twist, and the plot is so well developed. Harry and louis’ feelings and their progression are written so vividly and i wish i could forget that i read it so i could go and read it again for the first time. It's also got some enemies to lovers, which is my favorite trope, and all of the side characters are beautifully developed as well. Prince!Harry, soldier!Louis, angsty soulmates. What more could you want? Oh and if you’re not convinced enough, here is a quote that fucking follows me around because its so beautiful: “Love and hate are two sharp knives balanced on a very fine line and I’ve cut myself on both because of you.” (ohmygod)
3. Mine Would Be You (114k) by @crinkle-eyed-boo
okay this one is listed at number three but it really should be 1c lol. I started this one at 11 pm like an idiot, and i don’t think i slept that night at all. It's Exes to lovers, and it's so well written. It switches between the past and the present, it's heartbreakingly beautiful, the breakup and resolution are both so realistically written as well, and there's a great ot5 plotline too that i really loved. This one was also an instant classic- i bookmarked it before i even finished reading it. It's also got beautiful art and Louis and Harry are both artists in NYC, which I'm a slut for. Please read this one, it's so good.
okay i just realized how long this got so i’m putting the rest under the cut
4. The Murmur of Yearning (93k) by @mediawhorefics (for some reason tumblr isn’t letting me tag them??) | mediawhore on ao3
I just finished this one, and my goddddddd it's so good. I read it in a day, and it's essentially 100k. Which isn’t that unusual for me except I did skip a class to get through it (an exam prep class. Not my finest moment but I passed. so.) There are tons of original characters that draw you in, and the whole world that is created is so fascinating and detailed. There's also no homophobia, so if you like historical fics but get triggered by that kind of thing, this is for you! Also, if you’re worried about the non-con elements, I'm sure you could message the author but also feel free to check in with me! I’ll definitely be rereading it in the near future and am totally up for discussing and crying over this fic with anyone.
5. Remember Me Fondly by @bluejeanlouis | kiddle on ao3
ahhhhhhh this one made me sob too! It's set in both the present and the past, and I fell in love with all of the characters. This one is also heartbreaking, but I promise there’s a happy ending. Also, they way this fic deals with the fame and the homophobia and tours that harry and louis went through -even if it isn’t actually canon and is set in the 90s- is so vividly painful and realistic. It's written half through a journalist’s eyes and half through harry and louis, yet the switch in pov is so seamless and fluid and adds so much to the piece. 11/10.
6. Nothing But You On My Mind (83k) by @absoloutenonsense | nonsensedarling on ao3
okay. I started this in the middle of the night, and told myself I'd read one chapter to see if I liked it and then I would go to sleep. I'm pretty sure I read like 6. It sucks you in right from the beginning, and there's such a well developed plot. And it's so unpredictable and all of the details are so nuanced and tiny and then you look back at everything after you’ve finished it and go oh. Ohhhhhh. This one is also enemies to lovers. Are we sensing a pattern here?
7. An Invincible Summer (44k) by @twopoppies | Brooklyn_Babylon on ao3
so as you can see this one is only 45k but i just love it so much that i’m rec’ing in anyways. It’s such a gentle, exploratory piece of literal art, and I kind of want to stay in the world that was created forever. Its set in the 1940s on a farm and i know @twopoppies has said that it started off as an excuse for barn sex, but it such a vivid story and its heartbreaking and emotional and uplifting all at once and please please please go read this. The only critique I have of it is that it's only 40k.
8. Somewhere in Between Lightning (99k) by @nauticalleeds, @shiningdistraction, and jassy117 on ao3
So this one's exes-to-lovers as well, and it's written in such a realistic way. Also i’m in love with the concept of louis on love island, despite the fact that he said he hates it. There's a sauna scene that I still think about sometimes. It's got just the right amount of angst and fluff and pining and despite the fact that it's set on a show that is usually pretty dramatic and unrealistic, this is written in a really beautiful but pragmatic way. I love it. i’ve got it downloaded on my phone so I can read little snippets of it sometimes if I have to wait somewhere.
9. You’ve Got My Devotion (Hate You Sometimes) (95k) by @harryrainbows | lucythegoosey on ao3
god so this one incorporates some of Fine Line into it, and wouldn’t say it's a song fic so much as it is written as a canon compliant fic that ties harry’s songs into it and its done so fucking well oh my god. Harry and Louis are exes in this one too (lol i'm sorry) and the build up of them getting together and the pining and longing is written really well.
10. At Risk, I Fold (15k) by @bearmustard | clare328 on ao3
so i know this one is only 15k, but I put this in the list anyways. It's canon compliant, and it does mention the stunts (as stunts), but don’t let that deter you. Harry and Louis are written almost exactly as i’ve imagined them, and this one is such a heartbreaking look into the resilience and love and bravery that they have. It made me cry despite the fact that it’s not really a glum fic. The only reason it is last on the list is because it's shorter and i was mostly intending this to be a long fic rec. The love that they have for each other really shines through in this one, and it’s super gentle and soft and sad and happy all at once and just please go read it.
#my fic rec#hoping this doesnt flop lol#if people like this i might do more#we'll see lmao#also#if you ask me who tops/bottoms#in any of these fics#you owe me $10#reading fics specifically for who takes it up the arse is weird <3
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Don Giorno x Fem! Reader
This story has been steeping in my head ever since @abbabycchio created this prompt, I hope I did this justice 😅.
No warnings, just fluff 😍💭🐞💜
Word count: 1508
The ambience in the grand ballroom was delightfully festive- soft light dancing about the glittering crystal chandeliers, the happy chattering of the partygoers mingling with the clinking of glasses and the music in the background, and the delicious scent of Giorno’s expensive cologne overtook your senses as he gracefully spun you around on the dance floor.
“Wow, you’ve gotten really good at this, everyone is practically staring at you,��
“Well practice makes perfect, we’ve been to enough of these events as it is. Come, let’s give them a show,”
Before you knew it, Giorno spun you around and caught you in a low dip, his face mere millimeters away from your own. Feeling every pair of eyes on you both, he smirked and brought you back to your original position just as the song had ended, earning many impressed murmurs from the other attendees.
“After all these years you still get flustered? I told you, I’d never drop you or let you fall,” said Giorno, through the laughs he was trying to suppress. You knew the real reason for your skittishness, but you wouldn’t dare let him know.
You had known Giorno ever since you were assigned to his elite guard when he had taken over Passione a few years ago. Your stand ability was very useful… you were able to disarm an attacker in under 10 seconds, and if the situation became really dire, you could dismember them in a minute, without so much as a hair left behind. In short your ability was terrifying. But Giorno seemed fascinated by it, you were a walking contradiction, so soft and bubbly on the outside, but something dark and menacing had to be lurking in your soul for such a stand to manifest. So he had reassigned you himself and slowly started to understand the nuances of your ability.
You excused yourself for a moment to go to the ladies room to freshen up your makeup, you were utterly exhausted, but when Giorno asked you go with him, you couldn’t refuse. Despite knowing that Giorno’s ability made him virtually untouchable and the fact that both Mista and Fugo were there as well, you still felt more at ease knowing that you were there to personally protect him.
When you rejoined the party you found Giorno nursing a drink on his own, so you took the seat next to him.
“What’s the matter? Why are you sitting here brooding on your own?” you ask, playfully mimicking the expression on his face.
“Is that really how I look? I’m fine though,” explained Giorno. He was just about to continue the conversation when you had let a small yawn escape your lips.
“Gosh, I’m sorry Giorno, what were you going to say?” you say, trying to coax the comment out of him.
“You’re exhausted, we should leave, come on, the car should be waiting for us,” said Giorno with a snap of his fingers, signaling the concierge to ready things for your exit.
“No, no, don’t worry about me, I’m fine, nothing a little caffeine can’t take care of. Besides, we still have to wait for Fugo and Mista, they haven’t emerged from that office yet,” you argued. All protests proved useless though, as Giorno sighed dramatically before picking you up and heading to the exit.
“You know I hate having to repeat myself, you’re clearly tired, we can wait for those two at the villa, at least you’ll be a bit more comfortable there.” There was a bite in Giorno’s voice that told you not to argue with him. As he gently set you down on your feet, the car drove up to you both. The drive back to the villa was a quiet one, the young Don focusing his attention outside, while you looked at him, noting how he had matured in the few years since taking over Passione, the soft innocence in his face being replaced with a mature handsomeness. He’d also gotten a lot taller and broader, experiencing a growth spurt that took everyone, including himself, by surprise.
“Thanks for looking out for me, it’s sweet, I appreciate it,”
“You’d do the same for me, it’s only natural,” he replied, his attention still focused on the moving scenery outside the car.
“I know… still… Are you angry? You’ve been like this since earlier on, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you, I just didn’t want you to stop yourself from having fun on my account,” you apologized. Little did you know that Giorno was actually troubled by his own behaviour, and found it difficult to face you without his own face turning a rosy shade of pink.
“Don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong, I guess my lack of sleep is getting the better of me as well. I’m sorry,”
You finally arrived at the villa, and followed Giorno to one of the lounges. You threw yourself onto the comfortable couch and started to take off your heels, while he pulled off his bow tie and undid the top buttons of his shirt, sighing in relief.
“I’ll brew us some coffee, it seems like we both need it,” offered Giorno, which you accepted with a polite smile, while checking your phone for any communication from Mista or Fugo. You were concerned but also knew how powerful they both were so you decided to put your head down and relax for just a few moments.
Giorno walked in to find you huddled in one corner of the plush couch, the chill you felt evident in the goosebumps visible on your exposed skin. Getting a soft blanket and his laptop, he covered you so that you wouldn’t be cold any longer, and settled down next to you to work quietly while you slept, not wanting to disturb you, but also not wanting to leave you alone.
Every now and again, you would wriggle around and murmur something unintelligible, until you had somehow found yourself snuggled up to Giorno’s arm. Gazing at you affectionately, he decided to give in to his own exhaustion, put away his work and comfortably wrapped his arms around you. A content hum escaped his lips before he quickly fell asleep as well.
A few hours pass like that, with you blissfully unaware of what, or rather, who you were using as a comfortable pillow, until the room was bathed in ambient morning light. You wake up to a hand gently drawing circles on your arm, enjoying the gentle touch in your half woken state, until, a pang of panic set in when realized exactly where you were, you sprang upright, fully awake and aware of your situation.
“Buongiorno tesoro mio, did you sleep well?” asked Giorno, the slight smile he wore being evident in the lightness of his voice.
“Giorno, I’m so sorry, I feel mortified… I… oh my God, you’re my boss… just fire me please… better still, I quit, so this will be my…” you rambled on, until Giorno cut you off as he also sat upright next to you.
“Tesoro… would you just calm down? While having you quit would work in my favor for what I’m about to ask you, I reject that… resignation? If you could call it one… either way, I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now… so here goes-Would you like to have dinner with me? Maybe tonight? No mafia business or anything, just you and I, out on a date,”
You could feel your heart pounding in your ears, and you felt as if you’d forgotten how to breathe as hopeful green eyes searched your face for a positive answer. Building up the courage to look at him, your heart calmed down when you saw how earnestly he looked at you. The man in front of you wasn’t Don Giovanna, he was just a kind, handsome gentleman asking for your company… he was just Giorno.
“I’d really like that Giorno, thank you for asking me,” you said with a softer voice than usual, trying to contain the bubbly feeling in your chest.
“Great, then that’s settled, I’ll pick you up at six,”
Just as you were about to speak, you hear a commotion coming from the direction of the front door, realizing it was Mista and Fugo returning.
“Wow, took you guys long enough, what happened? Are you guys okay?” you asked, relieved that they both returned safely.
“Yeah, we’re fine, just exhausted… what are you even doing here?” replied Mista, speaking through a yawn.
You and Giorno exchanged a glance, smiling knowingly but chose rather to stay quiet. You were both saved from having to entertain any more questions from the complaints of Mista’s sex pistols.
“Alright, alright, you guys need some sleep and sustenance, I’ll make you guys some breakfast while you rest…”
“I’ll help you,” offered Giorno, wanting to spend more time with you.
And with that you both left the room, quietly enjoying each other’s company in that sweet domestic scenario, all the while thinking about what could transpire later on.
#giorno giovanna x reader#giorno x reader#giorno giovanna#giorno#don giovanna#don giorno#jjba x reader#jjba fanfic#my writing#golden wind#vento aureo#giogio
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EPISODE👏 REVIEW👏 hsmtmts season 2 episode 10: get ready for some enthusiastic writing and a little too much looking into details
first off seb doing the intro made my heart happy i love him
ok i know everyone has been saying it but there is no way in hell they’re winning the menkies. unless the writers just go with the main character favoritism route, there’s just no way. however for the sake of comedy, watching ashlyn give us everything in the transformation scene and ricky being an absolute disaster is SO funny to me. like shout out to joshua because that scene made me laugh so hard. also a trio i need more of is kourt, red and ej. i just feel like they would be dramatic gossipy bitches and i love that for them.
normally i think ms. jenn’s reactions are over the top but after seeing the shit show that just occurred 2 mins before... i think her reaction is very valid because oh god.
continuing with the theme of friendship dynamics we haven’t seen a lot of but we absolutely need more of, ashlyn and ricky!! that scene was so sweet and wholesome. i’m so so so glad the writers didn’t fall into the trap of making characters take sides after a break up. i just feel like it’s been done a million times before. but seeing ashlyn being so genuine when checking up in ricky made me so happy. the caswells remain being the superior characters (including gina obvs)
ms. jenn and mr. mazzarra are cute don’t get me wrong but they should’ve spent more time developing that relationship instead giving ms. jenn like 3 random love interests and that’s all i’ll say on that.
i love imagining what characters are saying when they’re just ad libbing. like what could ej, gina, ricky and red be talking about before carlos shows up to start the scene?? my guess is they’re all gushing about how amazing ash is and no i don’t take criticisms on that.
alright i’ll say it. the seblos drama is weak at best. they didn’t spend enough time developing it and kind of pushed it to the background so when it was one of the main focuses of the episode it was kind of like ok?? HOWEVER i did love the resolution to it and the deeper look into their individual characters. (i’ll talk more about this later)
carlos calling ms. jenn mother and everyone immediately knowing who he was talking about sent me omfg. but also who the fuck let these high schoolers try to figure out this transformation scene by themselves?? they collectively have 2 brain cells and they just bounce around between the 9 of them depending on the scene. but playful sleepover competition!! also gina nudging ej when he goes a little too ej 1.0 was everything.
i hate lily and i love sassy red. that’s all.
(im going to talk about the boys/girls sleepovers like they’re each one continuous scene respectively because it’s way easier than switching back and forth)
fun new friendship dynamics!! the boys!! sebbie and the girls! iconic. i know that the show is meant to be in a mockumentary style so we only see parts of the characters lives but i would give my left arm to see the boys getting closer and becoming friends. this is also the first scene where i really noticed ricky’s shirt. ricky is queer disney are just cowards. i’m not a big ricky/ ej shipper but the pretty boy had me feeling some type of way. carlos being worried about seb and their relationship and then red being like well this is why. bc he’s got a spy on the inside was peak friendship. but seriously disney?? just say gay. it’s not a bad word. now imma freak out about PORTWELL OMFG I WAS ALREADY FREAKING OUT DURING THIS SCENE SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW WELL I WAS DOING LATER ON. but ej just being like im not ready to put myself out there because of nini i don’t wanna get rejected... again. my heart went out to him. you can really see how much he’s grown as a person. but sure ej y’all are “buddies” also him saying the one thing i’m proud of from my time with nini was letting her go and ricky’s reaction to that hurt me to my core.
alright let’s talk about the girls and seb. first off i love that they’re actually working and the boys are doing fuck all LOL. seb actually talking about how he feels?? good for him. i hate that he thinks that carlos is only with him because there’s limited options but at least he’s talking about it. a moment of silence for ash’s scissor bucket (i won’t make a gay joke. i won’t make a gay joke. i won’t-) anyways... i really thought that maybe ash would know about portwell but it’s fucking EVERYONE. like y’all are that perceptive about other peoples relationships but not your own?? that’s why all y’all have relationship drama. gina not wanting to put herself out there because she’s afraid of getting hurt?? ouch. gina thinking ej is just being nice?? ouch but also gina, sis?? what. also nini reacting that way to the chocolates is so out of pocket. like 1) y’all aren’t dating anymore so what’s got you so pressed? 2) gina made it clear that they weren’t actually from ricky 3) nini you know they had some sort of chemistry before you and ricky got back together so this really shouldn’t be that surprising.
anyways the scene with ricky and carlos broke me. the decision for ricky to not show nini the song was so mature. despite wanting to get her back, he KNOWS that that would only drag her back and that’s not fair to her and he knows it. but his awareness of seblos’s relationship and wanting to help carlos work things out with seb was so wholesome and so sweet and is kind of a big moment of character development for him this season. like he was generally very selfish this season (again i’m a ricky apologist til the day i die but he was so selfish) and seeing him take the focus away from his problems to help carlos out was so sweet. also i need more ricky/carlos friendship moments.
kourt talking about howie learning her love language?? bitch you mean espionage?? i mean me too but that’s so fucking funny
ALRIGHT THIS IS THE PARAGRAPH WHERE I SCREAM ABOUT PORTWELL!!! i am so so so so happy right now about this. the fact that ej asked about risotto but for real was so satisfying and was blatantly like him saying i know we faked being in a relationship but what about it not being fake and omfg that’s so amazing. also gina being skeptical and asking if ash put him up to it and him saying not that i know of?? THE PARALLELS?? also gina this whole season has been talking about signs and finding reasons to stay, finding signs to know if someone is right for her and you can literally see the moment she realizes she said the same thing about the duke sweatshirt to jack. SHE KNOWS THIS IS HER SIGN and that’s so special to me. also ej’s nervous laugh after she says yes?? omfg. let’s look at ej’s character. historically he’s confident, cocky and generally puts on this facade of having his shit together but gina makes him nervous (in a good way). he doesn’t feel like he has to pretend to be confident around her. he’s showing her that he’s just as nervous as she is about this and that is just *chefs kiss* honestly not to be an andi mack stan but ej’s little nervous chuckle and ok after she says yes sounds like he’s letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding which seriously parallels tj after the tyrus confession. i’m just saying. ALSO GINA’S LITTLE EXCITED WALK BACK TO THE GROUP AHHHHHH
the seblos song?? i have no notes. it was incredible. frankie killed that shit. it was such a good song. so sweet. so wholesome. also ricky and carlos’s hug was so fucking meaningful to both of them and you can tell. ricky was absolutely beaming because he helped the two of them and it feels like a little bit of season 1 ricky shining through.
WHO THE FUCK LET A BUNCH OF HIGH SCHOOLERS RIG A KID IN THE AIR COMPLETELY UNSUPERVISED?? of course ricky fucking fell. that group shares 2 brain cells. obviously some dumb shit was going to happen
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𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢'𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮.
song listened to while writing this: line without a hook.
an aone x g/n reader
content: aone and tackling new feelings towards reader, fluff.
warnings: small amount of angst if you squint.
word count: 1.6k words
a/n: i heard this song play on spotify at like 2am, felt compelled to write for either aone or asahi, and went with our kind, gentle giant <3 it’s slightly different from the actual meaning, but the song was just what made this idea pop into my head. i started but fell asleep at 3 LOL, so I finished it up just now :> i hope you enjoy !
aone isn’t good at expressing himself, and he doesn’t often speak. settling for stiff hand movements or staring, bowing, you get the gist. respectfully silent.
you’re both friends, mostly by chance, because you ended up being seated next to him in class.
you were the talker, he listened.
you’d even walk with him to his practices and just ramble on and on about whatever interested you that day.
you’d even stay during those practices if his coach allowed it.
it was at a point where koganegawa asked aone if you both were together.
now, he’s inexperienced with love, very very inexperienced.
so when he was asked this, he froze in his spot. thrown off, if you will. like, baby doesn’t know how to respond.
but there’s obviously something there.
your friendship with the very tall middle blocker was something unexpected and unlikely, those around you both could never really wrap their heads around the idea. the height difference for one, why weren’t you intimidated? and it had all started with a seating arrangement.
you both were complete opposites. while aone preferred to stay quiet, you liked to talk. you filled the silence between you both, which was just fine with him. if anything, he was somewhat used to it, since he was around koganegawa a lot. not to mention he was friends with a certain #10.
“and it’s amazing to think he did it like that! don’t you think, aone?” you hold a fist in the air, clenching it for dramatic effect. he gave a small nod, and you grinned. “i thought so. say, you have practice again today, right? do you think i could stay and watch? it’s always so cool to see you block the balls like this!” you mimic the blocking motions you occasionally saw when they were in their gym. while you knew little of the game, the plays and games were intriguing enough to you to hold your interest. you even started to pick up on a few things here and there. not to mention that aone was also there. it was force of habit at this point, you were almost always around with him.
a quick glance down at you was all you needed. despite his intense looks, you had a vague understanding of what they meant. you had to be somewhat able to read him if you were to have communication of sorts. you felt your heart swell with happiness. all that was left was to get his coach’s permission, and then you could spectate again!
“haven’t you been neglecting your club?”
you cringe at coach oiwake’s question, fingers twitching as you stood by the entrance with your white haired friend.
“w-well..you see-”
. . .
“fine.”
“thank you so much!” you thanked the coach profusely, you thought for sure that he would’ve just sent you well on your way.
koganegawa was already inside the gym at that point, like many of his other teammates, noticing that you had come again. he slapped aone on the back with a face that could only be described as his signature look.
“l/n-chan is back again, huh? this is the third time this week, right? right? that’s a lot!” aone only looked back at you, who was settling down off to the side to watch them all, and then back at his friend.
“is it..? a lot.” he didn’t think much about it, but it was true. you did stay longer just to be here, and quite frequently, too. his coach had also mentioned that you were skipping club.
“mm, yeah! l/n keeps missing their own club, i heard. weird, right? i know we’re cool but that’s what games are for!” the energetic boy clenched and un-clenched his fists at shoulder height, sparkling. he paused, and then there was a shift in his energy. he gave aone a side eye, something new to him.
“is l/n your s/o? is that why they’re always here? that would make a lot of sense!”
and that was when aone froze up.
completely empty, besides the new thought that just entered his brain. he flushed unbeknownst to him, causing his own teammates to freak out. aone never blushed, this was strange for those witnessing.
and this continued throughout practice.
aone was unfocused, head empty at that point. every time he tried to shake it off, he was back at square one not long after. he was constantly apologizing to the people he was teaming with, all while you watched, oblivious to whatever was going on inside of your friend’s head.
because even though he seemed to be off today, aone was always talented in your eyes. always would be. he might’ve read those blocks wrong here and there today, but everybody makes mistakes.
by the time practice was over for the day, it was late. you were dozing off against the wall, snoring a little because you had gotten a little tired after the day.
which left somebody to have to wake you up.
and aone of course did it himself. you woke up, blinking lazily when you felt a gentle nudge at your shoulder. you blinked up at him with sleepy eyes, and smiled softly when you saw it was him.
“aone, is it over?”
“Mm.”
“ahhh, dang. i missed a lot. let’s get going then, if you’re all ready.” you get yourself up with the help of his hands, patting them in appreciation once you were standing.
nothing went unnoticed by aone anymore when it came to you now. koganegawa’s words were on loop whenever he just so much as looked in your general direction. he would catch himself looking away now when you looked back at him, too nervous to hold any form of eye-contact. which was very much unlike him.
you thought that he was mad at you, which made you nervous in return.
a week or so went by, and then another.
now you were quiet when you walked with him to practice.
and he didn’t know why.
it was when he saw you talking to futakuchi with that beautiful smile of yours that he felt something even newer than whatever he was feeling around you.
he had locked onto you both, watching as you laughed at whatever his teammate was saying, and blinked when he felt a hard clap on his shoulder. it was once again koganegawa.
“mm, what’re you looking at??” he glanced over, and then pursed his lips. “ohh, i see.”
aone broke his stare away from you both, looking sulky somehow.
“jealousy?? from aone??” koganegawa was shook, to say the least. aone had a visible question mark above his head. is that what this was? must be. he didn’t like how it felt at all.
another revelation for aone, but he didn’t do anything about it.
more time went by as the two of you started to drift apart, you of course still went to practices to watch, but you had stopped going to aone as soon as they had finished up. you went to futakuchi.
he must not be good enough, if you stopped talking so much around him. he missed it, he missed being able to listen to you talk about anything and everything.
and you didn’t even know that the reason he’s been so off around you was because he liked you too. it had never even crossed your mind as a possibility with a good ending, because you were sure there was no way that he just happened to return the same feelings.
withdrawing just made it hurt, on both ends.
the miscommunication was getting to be troublesome, because aone wasn’t playing his best, distracted by who and when you were watching, the sadness he felt when you weren’t talking next to him, and his teammates noticed. who wouldn’t?
and you were the reason, the team knew that. it was obvious to them even before this awkward time period.
on a particular day, you were talking with futakuchi again, he was just recalling some of the plays and rules, it was a bit easier to ask him instead of aone, because he wasn’t as quiet. which wasn’t any issue, you liked him no matter how much he spoke. but this was convenient at the time for you.
you wanted to understand it more, maybe if you knew more about volleyball, aone wouldn’t look away anymore. maybe he would say more.
but he stopped midsentence and looked behind you, his face plain. with a sigh, he waved a hand. “alright l/n, looks like somebody wants to talk with you. we can continue later, yeah?” you tilt your head, but nod.
“oh, okay-”
you felt a hand on your arm, and you turned to look over your shoulder. and there aone was.
“aone? what’s up?” you ask nervously. he had approached you this time, instead of the other way around. a welcome thing, but it kept you on your toes.
he stared you down, and you sweatdropped.
“. . .”
“I like you.”
your soul left your body right then and there. it was gone. what?? huh? your body felt a rush of relief and anxiety leave it, because oh my god, he just said that to you.
“l/n.” he looked off to the side, and you finally realized what that was all about. he didn’t hate you.
“you don’t hate me? oh thank god, i thought you hated me, you stopped looking at me and i got so worried, i-”
“never would.” he coughed into his fist, a small tint of pink dusted across his cheeks. your eyes soften, and you hold you hands up, making grabby hands at his face. he blinked, and then leaned down towards them.
you held his face gently, stroking his cheek with your thumb, before planting a small kiss on his nose.
“i like you too, aone.”
#aone#aone fluff#aone x reader#aone haikyuu#aone fic#haikyu x reader#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu oneshot#aone is precious
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SUGA has this way of talking passionately with a deadpan look on his face. Full of passion about his life and music. How is your shoulder? SUGA: Good. I think it’ll get even better once I take off this brace. Apparently, it takes several months for a full recovery, but I'm trying to get better as fast as possible. How does it feel like to have resolved a problem that has distressed you for long? SUGA: First of all, I'm glad. The pain is one thing, but when my shoulders got worse, I couldn't even raise my arms. But when I heard that this might recur when getting the surgery at a young age, I waited for the right time and had decided to get it done early next year regardless of the COVID-19 situation. I had planned to get the surgery after the year-end stages, but I got it done this year (2020) because my doctors advised me to start preparing early for next year’s promotions and activities. How does it feel like watching the other members doing promotions? SUGA: I can't say it feels great. I could see the emptiness because we've been together as a group of seven for so long. Not necessarily because I'm not there but because something that should be there is missing? Is that what made you join the promotion as much as possible? You shot lots of video footage in advance and you even appeared in the Mnet “2020 MAMA” through VR. SUGA: Fake SUGA (Laughs). There’s this 3D studio where we shot it. I shot, scanned, and acted there, but couldn't see the actual result at the studio. I thought a sense of displacement was unavoidable, and that was exactly the case. (Laughs) I acted normal because it would have been aired anyway even if I hadn’t had the surgery, but it seems a lot because it’s aired after the surgery. You must feel restricted not being able to go on stage. SUGA: The thing is, it's only been a month after I got surgery, but my absence on stage is so apparent. But my doctors keep telling me that I shouldn't be impatient and in fact, many athletes get a resurgery when they return to the field without proper rehabilitation. So I'm working on trying to care less. For the first two weeks after surgery, I felt so frustrated that I tried out new things. I even watched movies I didn't watch.
What movies did you watch? SUGA: I watched ‘Samjin Company English Class’ as it happened to be on IPTV, and now I have ‘Tenet’ on my list. ‘Parasite’ was the last movie I saw at a cinema. As the social distancing measures became stricter, I haven’t been going outside, except going to the hospital. I even eat at home. I'm also watching a lot of TV nowadays. Watching music shows like ‘Sing Again’, ‘Folk Us’, and ‘Show Me The Money 9’ made me think of what I should do in the upcoming days. Could you elaborate on that? SUGA: A lot of candidates on ‘Sing Again’ are very talented but hadn't had the opportunity, and on ‘Folk Us’, I noticed that many took their own guitars on stage. I started playing the guitar lately and I'm having this urge to broaden my scope of music. And since my interest in the music industry in the U.S. grew, I'm getting prepared, studying English and all. What fueled your interest? SUGA: In some ways it’s the most commercially developed market. You could lose the industry attention in a flash if it's not feasible. So in this system, you would try everything and that would be an efficient way. I want to do music for a long time, and to this end, I always want to learn more about the global music industry because I want to do music that’s loved not only in Korea, but also in the U.S., Japan and Europe. Speaking of which, it seems BE was influenced from music of the past rather than today's trends. SUGA: I especially like impromptu music. I love the songs that were made in one take instead of being recorded several times. In this era of crossover genres, the desire to do better in music is growing inside me. As the genres become more blended, the melody you use must be more important. Does starting to play the guitar affect your composing in any way? SUGA: I always liked using guitar sounds. And I have always liked the Eagles. If you play the guitar, it’s way easier to write songs because you can carry it along wherever you go, pluck on the strings to create melody lines. Keyboards are difficult to carry around. (Laughs) I usually work on my laptop but I had this thought that I definitely needed an instrument. It accelerates my work and improves my understanding of chords. It makes me think you could intuitively make melodies. SUGA: It’s easier to write a song because you can intuitively make a progression and try many different things. During my work on ‘Eight’, IU had recorded and sent me a song from her phone. At the time I couldn’t play the guitar, so we tried to make sure we’re working on the same page when keeping track of each other's progress. That made me feel the need to learn an instrument.
This is actually before you started playing the guitar, but I found ‘Telepathy’ in BE very interesting. The varying melodic progressions between hooks for each member made me wonder if you wrote the melody intuitively for each part. SUGA: I tried a melody for the first time this year (2020), and as I started knowing the fun of music, it opened a lot of new doors for me. So it was kind of easy working on it. I just played a beat and wrote from the beginning until the end. Done. I wrote it in just 30 minutes. The song almost wrote itself. The trends of pop and hip-hop these days cross boundaries between vocals and rap. I like this trend. When I listen to your singing, it feels like you’re hitting the beats rather than singing along the notes. So I thought perhaps you're singing as if you're rapping. SUGA: When you're rapping, you just think of the rhythm, so it’s like simply putting on a melody to a rhythm. To define which comes first, I think melody adds to it while writing the rap. In ‘Life Goes On’, the lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me, nothing’s changed’ are somewhere in between. It's not rap but it’d be mundane to say it's a mere melody. SUGA: There are obviously songs where the rap needs to be highlighted. For example, in ‘Dis-ease’ or ‘Ugh!’, you have to be good at rap. But in songs that should be easy to listen to, impressive raps are not always the way to go. Sometimes, you want smooth transitions without obstacles. In that sense, the rap flow of ‘Blue & Grey’ was impressive. Rather than a dramatic effect that emphasizes each part, you extended the rap just as much as the slowing beat. SUGA: To be honest, this beat is difficult to rap to. The beginning of the song only has a guitar line, which made it even more difficult. I participated when we wrote lyrics for ‘Blue & Grey’ and I've always wanted to work on a song like this. It was because verse 1 talks about the theme of the song.
It seems you achieved almost everything that you wanted in BE. SUGA: I think it took less than a week to make my part in the album. After having written one or two melodies for ‘Life Goes On’, I wrote a version complete with rap, and liked it that I even worked on a separate arrangement and lyrics. Rather than pondering over the ways that might work, I choose to simply play the music and write. Many creators are unsure even after they’ve produced good work. How do you get the conviction to release your work? SUGA: Many musicians are unsure whether they should release their music or not. It was the same for me, but the thing is, you’ll never release anything if you nitpick everything. For example, if we release 10 songs, we have a chance to unveil them in concerts or fan events. And sometimes, as we listen to the song, we think, ‘Why does this part that had bothered me no longer bother me?’ Some things might feel awkward at some point, but in time, it no longer feels awkward. Even I forget about it. So it's more efficient to fine tune, looking at the big picture, rather than thinking too much about the details. On top of that, during promotions, I don’t have the time to pick tracks that others have sent for 10 hours. It would be a success for all of us if each of us play and write a melody in their own time and collaborate with others on the details. So the way of songwriting has evolved in many aspects. What motivated such evolution? SUGA: I think it evolved naturally. I've changed in personality this year (2020), as well as in terms of my interpretation and attitude toward life to the extent that I almost thought I've been rehearsing. How would it feel like if there were no stage to go to or anyone looking out for me? This thought made me realize the value of these things. In ‘Dis-ease’, you sing ‘I don’t know if it’s the world that's sick’. Was it this lifestyle that changed your thoughts about your work? SUGA: Yes. When I was young, I had embraced the belief that ‘It must be my fault’, but as I got older, I realized that this is not always true. Most of what I had thought was my fault was in fact, not my fault. On the other hand, there are things that I did well and times I had been lucky. ‘I NEED U’ came out during a time when you were still thinking, “It must be me”. After the members put on a stage with ‘I NEED U’ in KBS' ‘Song Festival’, you wrote on Weverse, “It’s the same as five years ago.” How would you compare with back then? (This interview was held on December 19, 2020.) SUGA: We've matured quite a bit. And our stage performances have become more natural. I still like ‘I NEED U’. Just listening to the beat makes me sentimental, and above all, the song came out nicely. So as I was watching this and that when I stumbled across old videos. Watching them made me think that we haven’t changed much.
In what aspect haven't you changed much? SUGA: Before the social distancing measures got stricter, I talked with the photographer for BE, whom I had met four years ago. The photographer was surprised that we hadn’t changed much after all the success, even though he had assumed we’d be very different. I'm amazed personally. I’ve had the chance to meet the members before your debut, but from your way of talking with members or others, it seems you haven't changed. SUGA: I think it's because we don’t give it a big deal about success. For example, it's incredible to be ranked first on the Billboards, but there’s also this sense of, “Okay, and?” Even the Grammys? (Laughs) SUGA: When we got nominated for the Grammy Awards, we thought, ‘Is this real?’ (Laughs) Of course we were delighted, but it didn’t make us think, ‘We're singers nominated for the Grammy.’ If you're nominated, you're nominated, and if you get the award, you get the award. You don't get shaken by that. I know it's a great award and would be so grateful if we receive it, but we know that nothing is possible without the tremendous support of our fans. What’s more important is that the fans are more flattered than us when we receive a great award. So everyone's rejoicing, but it’s like, ‘Let's do what we have to do.’ We've been training ourselves to keep finding our places, so no one remains overexcited. In ‘Fly To My Room’, there are lyrics that say, ‘This room is too small to contain my dream’, and ‘Sometimes this room becomes an emotional trash can, but it embraces me.’ I had this feeling that the room had been such a place and that you were accepting that you have changed. Then the essence must have remained the same. SUGA: It wasn’t easy to accept that we eventually change. But I think it's a good thing that we changed. What we did back then was possible only at that time, and we could change because of the things we had accomplished. Then, what new things are you dreaming about? SUGA: I'm eager to continue doing music. Since all performances were canceled due to COVID-19, I had a chance to talk to so many musicians in Korea. I talked with legendary singers as well as people who are my contemporaries. Talking with them once again made me realize that I love music so much. Because music is my profession, I can’t imagine myself not doing it. I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music.
What kind of music do you think you’ll be engaged in in the future? SUGA: I was greatly motivated when I saw the concert of Na Hoon-a last Chuseok . I wondered how many musicians would actually be able perform and write music for so long like he has. At that moment, it occurred to be that ‘I want to be like him’. He has passion and desire, and most of all, he is a superstar. A few years ago, I took my parents to a Na Hoon-a concert, and when they watched the performance last Chuseok, they said it was way less impressive to see him perform through the TV. (Laughs) That must explain your interest in a broader spectrum of music from instruments to composing and musical genres. Because you want to be doing this for a long time. SUGA: My goal is to continue doing music in any shape or form. In that sense, I have this great respect toward Cho Yong-pil. He takes the best sound there is and reinterprets it into his own. I think that’s something I want to emulate and keep changing and evolving so that I can continue doing music for decades to come. The lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me nothing’s changed’ must sound more meaningful for the fans because they will be listening to your music for a long time. SUGA: A month and a half in the current times must seem like a lifetime for the fans when we're far apart. I feel the same. But I think that's proof that we worked hard for the past seven years and that the fans have been passionately reaching out to us. I'm striving to get to them as fast as I can, and I'm eager to go on stage. I'm going through this because I want to be better on stage in a better condition, so don't be sad, and please hang in there a little longer.
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❥ i-land (theme song)
⤷ ellie and the 12 other applicants of i-land are introduced to their very first performance mission.
⤷ word count: 3.3k+
⤷ warning: this is all purely fictional, none of the arguments and conflicts within this series is a true reflection of the trainees. everything you read is made up from my pea-sized brain.
⤷ *italics = english / italics + bold = japanese*
ellie was somehow coping...she made new friends! there was this one trainee named sunghoon who she became close to after bonding over their love for skating and then there was nicholas, who she found really entertaining. she was relaxing on her bed talking to jake when the alarms started ringing, “in 10 minutes, we will reveal the first test.” she shoots up, “we just got here...” she sighs and rushes out the door, pulling jake along with her. the other i-landers were rushing to the main room.
jake and ellie reach the mission room, sitting in chairs right beside each other. as the i-landers fill up the space, the big monitor in front of them plays a video, “that’s sick.” ellie whispers. “from now on, you have a common destiny.” ellie raises her eyebrows in anticipation. “for the four tests to come, you’ll be collectively responsible for every result.” ellie runs a hand through her hair. “the average of individuals’ scores will be the team’s score, that result will determine the number of people to be eliminated from the i-land.” the screen shows a table and ellie's mouth gapes open in shock. so what she’s seeing is, if they get anything below a 96, it guarantees an elimination...the boys beside her all gasp. “it means, everybody should get a high score for many people to stay in the i-land.” she furrowed her eyebrows. “so we all have to do well.” a trainee by the name of geonu says, “if one person does bad, it impacts everyone else.” ellie adds, the trainees around her nod their heads in agreement. “...and for the elimination.” ellie’s breath hitched, “you’ll be decided by yourself.” she groans and buries her face in her hands. “now, for determining the destiny of the collective on i-land, the first test is going to be revealed.” ellie’s eyes go wide. part of herself feels excited at the thought of their very first performance, but the other part...mhm...not so much. the screen changes and on it read the words ‘signal song’. she cocks her head in confusion. immediately, a video starts playing and the first beats of the song are heard, “oh my, it’s a song just for us!” she yelps excitedly. one side of the screen read the lyrics and the other side played the choreography. “wah...” speechless, that’s how she felt. after witnessing the entirety of the first ever song, ellie claps her hands in amusement. “i love it!” she yells, throwing her hands up. the boys laugh at her reaction. seon takes the lead, yet again, after the trainees calm down. he explains which parts get the most lines and center time, as well as those that don’t get as much. “parts 8-13 only go once.” jay mentions. she bites her lip, feeling the sweat build up on the crook of her neck. she felt anxious. she could not get any part more than a 7, she just couldn’t. analyzing the lyrics more, ellie falls deep in thought. “hey.” jake snaps her out of her thoughts, “you ok?” she nods her head, “what do i do?” she gets anxious thinking about the choosing of parts, “you’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.” jake turns his body to face her, “whatever part you get, i know you’ll shine.” he smiles and she instantly relaxes, “thanks jake.” she smiles at him, the apples of her cheeks on full blast. “from now, decide the signal song’s part.” ellie sighs, “you can change the part at any time.” she darts her eyes around the room, analyzing others’ reactions, “this test will begin in 7 days.” she gasps, “7 days?!” she turns to jake, “that’s barely enough time, my god.” the countdown appears on the egg and her heart drops to her feet. the trainees around her all exclaim, “they weren’t kidding huh.” jake says and ellie laughs, she’s losing her mind. “then what should we do first?” asks daniel. seon answers him right away, once again taking the lead. jay follows up soon after, “i think first, we need to sing...because the center has to hit all those high notes.” the conversation flows on and ellie blanks out, only nodding her head every now and then. heeseung decides to speak up after noticing the state of the conversation, suggesting the idea of learning the main choreography, first, then coming back together as a whole to decide the parts. everyone nods their heads in agreement. jake and ellie decide to head back to their room, where they are met with a few trainees, one being ni-ki. “what part are you going for ellie?” he asks in japanese, “i don’t know...anything below a 7 would be fine, i guess.” she responds back, “i’ll just go with the flow.” ni-ki nods his head, “i want part 1.” he says, switching back into korean. “don’t we all...” ellie sighs and flings her body onto the soft mattress of the bed. it’s been a few hours since the first test was announced and both ellie and ni-ki had already learned 80% of the choreography, focusing on the chorus. the trainees watch in awe. “ni-ki! ellie!” k yells in surprise. “they’re so good.” sunghoon mentions soon after. ellie smiles as the applicants clap them on. finishing up, she turns to face ni-ki and they give each other a high five, feeling exhilarated by the sudden compliments. “why are you guys so good?” sunghoon asks the two. ellie thanks him and with sass, flips her hair over her shoulder, ending it with a wink. the trainees pretend to fall over at her cute action and she laughs. the trainees were gathered in the dance room, once again, all deciding on parts for the signal song. the discussion was led by heeseung, who she has been wanting to get close to after seeing his performance during the entrance test. ellie drowns the voices out, deciding to tune back in after she calms herself down. “so, let’s take audition voluntarily and get judged by us.” was the first sentence you heard as you bring yourself back into reality, “so we are voting again?” heeseung (half-jokingly) says, “no, not the voting!” sunghoon pleads and the rest laugh. ellie smiles and looks down. “i think we should decide everything today.” heeseung says. “i agree, i think it’s better if we get all the parts down today so that we’ll have more time to prepare for the actual performance.” ellie speaks for the first time in, what felt like, an eternity. the trainees hum in approval. heeseung helps plan out the rest of the week, deciding on learning everything for the first two days and then perfecting it after the two days were up. “hands up if you want to do part 1.” the audition process starts for the parts. the trainees all look at each other in anticipation, feeling out the air. “should i count to five?” daniel asks after realizing no one had raised their hands up. the young boy starts his countdown and by the end, still no hands up. ellie’s heart rate quickens, she wants it...she wants it so bad. she bites her bottom lip. “then, does anybody want to recommend someone?” ellie looks around as the trainees agree with heeseung’s idea. both sunghoon and youngbin gain the applicants’ attention as they raise their hands up. sunghoon shyly points his hand towards heeseung, “i recommend heeseung!” he says, shooting finger guns at him. ellie wasn’t going to lie, in her heart she knew heeseung had what it takes to completely own the stage...but she wanted to prove herself. she snaps out of her thoughts with the sound of laughter. “he said it, and he can’t control how he feels.” she overhears. ellie looks around the circle, her eyes landing on the boy next to her, ni-ki. “hey, you ok?” she whispers, nudging him a bit. “if you want part 1, go for it.” she encourages him with a wink and he musters up a smile, “heeseung gets part 1!” ellie snaps her head to look back into the circle, “oh.” she sighs in defeat. ‘stupid. you should’ve raised your hand up.’ she mentally slaps herself on the head. the whole ‘choosing parts’ process took way longer than what ellie had hoped. she ended up landing a spot on part 2a, part 2b going to geonu. she was more than satisfied with her parts, but part of her still wanted that stupid part 1. “ta ta ta.” heeseung keeps the beat for the other trainees as they practice their dance, ellie follows along smoothly, having already memorized the whole dance a few minutes prior to when heeseung decided to take the lead. looking to her left, she notices a struggling jake and youngbin, her eyes immediately softening. she taps the two on the shoulders, “need help?” she asks and they both exhale, “yes please.” jake says. she pulls the two away from the bigger group to help them get a one on one practice, adhering to their pace. “perfect!” ellie smiles and claps at the two, finally finishing the dance, “youngbin, for this move,” quickly demonstrating, “try extending your arms out more to make it look cleaner...and after that, i think you’re all set!” she smiles, the apples of her cheeks becoming very prominent. youngbin bows towards her, “thank you ellie. this means so much.” he says with a dramatic tone. ellie giggles and pats his back, “of course, kind sir.” jake laughs first, ellie and youngbin follow immediately after. “should we do freestyle?” ni-ki suggests, “daniel can beatbox!” nicholas points at the young boy as he starts a beat. the i-landers were in the practice room taking a short break after practicing for hours on end. “shall we start? whichever bpm.” ni-ki says. ellie looks around with a glint in her eyes. “you should go up.” jake nudges her, “absolutely not, i’m scared.” she yell-whispers. jay is the first one up, “hey jay! hey jay!” the trainees start chanting. he rides the beat slowly and immediately starts showing off his dance steps, “oh!” ellie exclaims, waving her arms around. ni-ki is next, stepping out with a few flashy moves. the i-landers all exclaim, “wah ni-ki!” ellie yells, clapping her hands. he finishes off with a pose and everyone falls to the ground in excitement. “ellie...” jay suddenly starts, “ellie! ellie!” the chanting grows stronger while ellie gets flustered, “uh...i shouldn’t” she scratches the back of her neck, “ellie! ellie!” next to her, jake smiles, “c’mon!” ellie sighs and smirks, “alrighty then.” daniel changes the beat and her demeanor changes. stepping out, riding the beat, she starts off with a bit of popping. showing off every dance style she knows, the i-landers all yell to hype her up. feeding off of the energy in the practice room, she finishes off with a pose, “oh my god!” they all yell and come closer to her. nicholas lifts her up and they all start chanting her name, “what is happening?!” she laughs. the boy puts her down, “you’re amazing!” nicholas pats her head and she thanks him. “you never said you could freestyle?” ni-ki says with a smile, “well, the topic never got brought up...so...” she shrugs. the mood was tense as the trainees sat down, waiting to show off what they’ve learned in the little time that they were given. earlier that day, someone was arguing about the choreography, she wasn’t there to completely witness everything because she was getting water, but when she came back, everyone had a gloomy look on their face. jungwon was up first, performing perfectly even after the little time they had to practice. she’s always admired the boy, he was very talented and they were the same age, but she’s been too scared to strike up a conversation with him. he finishes off and the trainees clap, “you did well!” k compliments him. like always, ellie blanks out, getting anxious at the thought of performing in front of everyone, especially when they’re all examining the smallest details. it’s not like she doesn’t know she’ll do well, she knows she can pull it off, but she was still nervous. “ellie, you’re up!” heeseung says. the girl slowly arises from her seat, jake cheering her on. she looks around and makes eye contact with ni-ki, who mouths a, “fighting!” she smiles and mouths a thank you back. she gets to her starting position and the music starts. her body flows with the music effortlessly, completely ridding her mind off of all the thoughts that run recklessly in her brain. “that was amazing!” heeseung exclaims. she bows and calms her breathing. ni-ki whispers something to heeseung and ellie’s heart race quickens, “just say it out loud.” heeseung encourages ni-ki, “that was the best performance yet.” he quickly says, looking down. ellie smiles and bows again, “thank you!” the trainees cheer her on as she sits down next to jungwon, “you’re really good.” he compliments her. she blushes, “you too!” the silence between the grows larger, “um...2004 right?” he suddenly asks. ellie nods her head, “september 3.” she adds on. jungwon nods, “february 9.” he says, smiling to himself. “im older!” he was quick about it. ellie rolls her eyes and the two have a hearty laugh. ellie learned a lot about the boy during the few minutes they had together. he used to do taekwondo and he really loves his grandma. oh! he also has this weird obsession with curry? anyways, ellie examined the boy while he was talking. he had doe like eyes, sparkling every time he’d talk about a topic he loved. he had deep, prominent dimples that would show up every time he spoke. he also does this (really cute) thing where he furrows his eyebrows every time he- “jake! you’re up!” ellie shakes her head to get rid of the thoughts, “go jakey!” she yells for support. clapping her hands she turns back to jungwon, “he’ll do great, i know he will.” jungwon nods and smiles... during jake’s performance, ellie notices ni-ki whispering something to heeseung. her anxiety shoots up and she bites her lips, “you ok?” jungwon asks from besides her, voice laced with worry as he notices her legs bounce up and down, “oh, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” ellie reassures him, smiling slightly. jake has been doing amazing, maybe even better than some of the other trainees. he finishes off his dance and waits in anticipation for feedback. “ni-ki thinks that jake’s performance was one of the best by far.” jake smiles and bows, breathing out in relief. ellie’s eyes widen and she claps excitingly for her friend. standing up, she runs over to him, attacking him with a bear hug, “i knew you’d do great, mate!” she says. jake laughs and pulls her down to sit. there has been so much tension surrounding i-land during the past few days and ellie had no clue what was going on, resorting to keeping to herself and eating every once in a while. back in the dance practice room, seon whispers something to k and the next thing she knew, they were all gathered on the steps of the entrance. she looks down at her fingers, playing around with them. “i know that i’m not good and all,” youngbin musters up the courage to start, “i was ok with dancing in groups of two...” he stops to take a breath, “but heeseung made us dance one by one, i understand why you needed to see us one by one, i felt horrible and was really humiliated.” ellie’s breathing hitched, “if i’m being honest, i cried...i cried.” he sighs, finally expressing his feelings. an uneasy air filled the room, “we shouldn’t be worrying right now.” heeseung starts, ellie’s head turns towards him, “if we voted for someone to lead us, then we should trust and follow that person...we’re running out of time.” ellie felt for both sides. she knew how youngbin felt, the dreading feeling of having to perform in front of many people when he wasn’t ready to, but she also saw where heeseung was coming from. it was a bit unfair, you know? from ellie’s eyes, it seemed like they were blaming heeseung for everything...but she knew in her heart that he just wanted what was best for the team, it may have come off as a bit aggressive, but he was trying his best, giving up most of his own practice time to help the rest of the trainees. she witnessed him the other day, alone in the small corner room, looking distressed, but she decided to leave him be. “it’s fitting that heeseung is in the center, but you’re really good and you keep hanging out with those who are good, so the team’s balance is off...that’s what i personally.” daniel adds on. “i said this the first day, i predicted this...” heeseung nods his head and ellie’s eyebrows rise, “so on the first day, i said i didn’t want to be center. i knew it would result in this so that’s why i said that.” the boy starts biting his nails, a habit that ellie noticed he did every time he felt anxious, “it’s not about completing the choreography, but it has to look good...i wanted to lead you that way, but i didn’t tell you in advance, and planned on my own and got ahead of myself.” he admits, “i personally think that it’d be best if i’m not the center.” heeseung looks down at his lap, forfeiting his role as the center. everyone looks at him in shock, including ellie, “i really mean it.” after a long meeting, ni-ki gets part 1 as the new center, while heeseung takes part 10. heeseung smiles at the young boy and slowly excuses himself from the room. ellie notices from afar and excuses herself as well. carefully following the boy, her heart rate quickens. they both reach the corner room together, “hey ellie.” he says, turning around to smile at her, “wanna talk about it?” heeseung takes a seat, grabbing a cushion, “actually, could you just stay here with me?” ellie’s eyes widen and she quickly agrees, taking the empty seat next to him. “would you mind?” he says, gesturing to her shoulder, “oh, not at all!” he places his head on her shoulders and sighs. the silence was deafening. ellie wraps her arms around his head, ever so gently rubbing his beanie as a way to comfort the boy. that’s when the tears started. ellie’s eyes soften immediately and she looks up, trying not to let the tears spill, a tactic she learned from the last time, “it’s so hard, ellie.” heeseung says in between sobs, “i know, i know it is, but everything will work itself out, you did an amazing job.” hearing her words of encouragement made heeseung cry more, “shh, it’s alright, let it all out.” she rubs his shoulders. the two stayed in each other’s comforting presence for a good amount of time. the day had come, the countdown was getting closer and closer to 0, ellie was so anxious. “ellie! you look amazing!” jake compliments the girl, “same goes for you!” they laugh. “ellie and jake! let’s take a pic together!” heeseung calls the two over and ellie happily obliges. they all had their mics on and ellie felt absolutely nauseous, but she held it down for the sake of the performance. she goes to the corner of the room to warm up her voice some more, “i-landers, please report to the stage.” ellie’s face drops. she grabs jakes hands and he squeezes it, “you’ll do great, mate.” ellie smiles at him, “the same goes for you, mate.” alright ellie, you got this.
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