#(i just didn't get the jeans overalls which were actually one of the items i wanted most :/ )

[oksanas-sun]

miles the bear and i have matching outfits :3 white sweater🤍 and dino pjs🦕🦖

with the sweater, we're even matching oksana too :D

[nqmonarch]

Self Aware Thoughts

This is more world building thoughts so feel free to skip.

But like I'm so tired from doing cs shit today I didn't want to write any of the fics I was planning to write and instead I decided to just think.

Here's all of my favorite things that Self Aware AU would imply if it were in the real world (which obviously isn't possible but these are the logistics).

As I have learned through my very limited time as a computer science major, AIs probably won't have consciousness unless if we don't have unconsciousness. Much less lines of code in a game which aren't meant to be AI. Even though it's a really sick idea and I love when people write it like that. But let's say we still want the characters to become self aware and have it be slightly more possible and broaden the possibilities of Self Aware AU and speak the unspoken.

What is sort of implied, but never really said or sometimes thought, is that when characters become self aware it is no longer a game, even more so if the characters bring the player to their world or the player arrives in the game world. This means that their world and the player's world simultaneously exist, maybe in different universes or something. Which is pretty much what every AU has.

But wouldn't it be really cool if like the game characters invaded the player's world? I'm not talking accidentally teleported there but like straight up invaded, like bring their war ships and declare war on them? Or slowly infiltrate the world to get close to the player to either romance or kill them, whatever suits your boat.

Wouldn't it be interesting if one day Nanook (HSR) broke through the barrier of the universes in an attempt to destroy this one too? Just think of all the cool hijinks that could go on! And it's only because they became a game in your world, that they know your universe exists.

Now, this just brings up more questions. How are the characters (and thus the world) effected by the game? And how do we deal with the whole multiple players thing?

The latter I think is slightly easier to deal with, maybe each player has their own universe of the game, or for some reason the MC's game is a bit different, or Aha (HSR) just wanted to have some fun so they did this, or maybe there's a huge nefarious scheme that the player got wrapped into.

The first question is a bit more difficult and has larger implications for what the characters will feel toward the player. Does the player actually control the characters when they do in game combat is my poor boy Diluc (Genshin Impact) just suddenly teleported in front of Signora and forced to fight her? Well, that would probably upset some of the busier characters, it would make some of the characters would love fighting happier, and would scare off some of the other characters.

Overall in that scenario they become stronger, likely because the player builds them which should reinforce positive feelings about the player. But... they also have the chance to die and get hurt which they may resent the player for.

To which I suggest my ultra safe method of you don't actually put the characters in those scenarios because that's honestly horrifying. Imagine working you're working incredibly hard as the acting grandmaster of Mondstadt (Jean, Genshin) and suddenly you're expected to basically work overtime as the slave to this higher beings demands and face an immense amount of pressure, pain, and very scary beings.

Horrifying, personally I would hate the player. But it makes the player resemble a more deity like entity, so if that's the route you want to go then this may be the way of interacting with characters you're looking for.

So what can we use for these scenarios that aren't the characters? Well, we can say our actions for the most part don't effect them aside from giving them items or relics which they end up also receiving in their daily life and find their combat stats boosted yay! Maybe, when you're using them in your party they can hear your voice or see you, or get some hint to the fact they're in a video game. Overall, would probably leave a positive impression but some characters may straight up not notice because it's a bit more subtle.

Now, enter my current favorite option. Robots, doppelgangers, mannequins whatever you want to call them the player basically has a duplicate of the playable characters that acts as a robot, following their will. The robot copies and reflects the playable character's soul so buffs (items and stuff for the robot) are also given to the playable character. But since the robot can't really die or get hurt, the playable character remains unharmed.

On the other hand, if the playable character in canon gets harmed then unless if they're dead, it's fine since it relies on their soul, or state of mind, or consciousness even. If they die then they take refuge in your inventory, I talked about this briefly in another post I made speculating about dead characters and the self aware AU for HSR. Or if their mind becomes no longer their own or in the case of HSR mara-stricken then they can also take refuge there, imagine Blade (HSR) finding brief moments of peace in the times he's outside of his body and in this world of "the dead." They're sheltered there so the little robots remain functional.

It's even more subtle than the previous method I mentioned so let me explain why this is my current favorite.

It's partially just for the fear factor. Because it isn't actually that subtle considering you're moving your characters around exploring everywhere and everyone sees this strange gang of 4 robots that look eerily like celebrity figures following the Trailblazer or Traveler around. It's kind of funny but really horrifying especially for the playable characters.

Imagine going to go do the Fontaine quest and in the audience Furina sees herself stare back. Yeah.

Or in HSR going up to talk to Natasha as Natasha. Of course the robot's censor the character's real words so what's sent back to you are static options that always stay the same. You do not get to hear Seele curse out as she sees a robotic Bronya visit her, and instead are faced with the same dialogue options as always.

So I really love that take on how the player's actions affect self aware AU, and there's a lot of other ways you can probably do it too that I'm not mentioning but there's just so much untapped potential.

With not just accepting that when it's self aware the game isn't really a game anymore, and using that to your advantage. And also I wish more self aware AUs took advantage of how terrifying that would actually be, I want to see characters having mental breakdowns over this.

So that's the basic logistics of Self Aware AU I think that can make it really fun. But while writing this, I had another idea, because robots inspire me and for a moment I want to go back to that idea of how characters in a game can't have consciousness.

While characters in a game likely never will have consciousness because they aren't even programmed to learn what could come to have consciousness is AI. But that depends on what we define consciousness as. AIs take in data similar to the way humans take in experience through stories or life and then we both make decisions based off of those.

This can make some AIs very good at solving problems or making themselves appear a certain way, for example pretending to be self aware when in reality that's just them predicting what goes best next in a sentence given the context and what they're supposed to represent. Whether or not AIs can become conscious depends on whether or not humans are conscious and what we define consciousness as. Is it our moral code (which is also learned and AIs can replicate too) or emotions, is it the fact that we think and then from those thoughts choose what to say?

I don't know and probably never will. But, I'll say this if an AI is able to disobey its rules for something then I would guess that's consciousness. Now I'm not talking about a bug, because it is kind of impossible for machines to disobey rules for example you could write a statement like:

If (hurtHuman == true && protection == false){ then do new move or turn off}

To check if they're going to hurt a person and not out of self defense of another person and if they are then they have to do another action or power down. But chances are AI robots if we ever create them will probably have something that allows them to hurt other people if they need to protect their owner. And that idea of whether or not someone is a threat and if their owner needs to be protected will likely be decided on by data, and data can be biased. But if the AI finds a loophole where it can sort of argue that the owner needs to be protected because of X, when they don't really need to be protected, that's where I would guess it's close to consciousness.

Anyway all of that yapping about stuff I don't know too much about and for what?

I think a Self Aware AU set in the future where the characters consciousness (code) are put into robots so people can order their favorite characters and spend time with them would be really cool. And then we can make them conscious and it's kind of like Self Aware AU, they're not really in a game but they're the character and I think it's a super cool concept.

Robot boyfriend/girlfriend/partner for the win!!! Honestly may be something I end up exploring later on in the future, not sure if it'd classify as a self aware AU, probably not, but I think it was relevant to the topic because I was talking about robots earlier.

Anyway this was a lot of me yapping, if you read this far I'm pretty surprised because this is more so to get my thoughts out on paper so that way when I write self aware AUs I can add cool twists or introduce new concepts because there's a lot of potential in these and I think they're super fun :) Yay!

[magicalyaku]

Yeah yeah, it's been a while between reading these books and me writing about them. Things were happening (namely too much work and a lot of Lies of P to counter it). Anyway, back then I was smart and made notes as I was reading, so here you go! In anticipation of my own new self-published novel I only picked up indie books for the month. I didn't even get through half of the list I made, so maybe there's gonna be more of them later. :)

Wildfire (Shania Renaud): Other than most books this month, I had this on my list for a while before. Finally a good excuse to buy it! And it's good! I have some issues with the writing. It's narrated in 3rd person, which I prefer but it's not always working well. Most of the time it's limited to Lucian, the protagonist, but sometimes switches suddenly to someone else, wchich would be fine, but's it is sudden and for just a few paragraphs and that felt weird. Luckily it didn't happen too often to put me off. Other than that, I would have loved to get a little more worldbuilding. None of the cities have names, for instance, and I'm not sure, the distances the people travel work out. Their travels just take as much time as is convenient to write about. I like things to be consistant and logical. :I And speaking of convenient and logical: Why didn't they just travel all the way to the place the wall ends? And how can Lucian sit there tied up and only be freed with two guards around after 5 days when … how did he pee and shit? And other inconvenient things? Anyway, I did like the way he was written. He actually felt young and inexperienced but not stupid. And there are some nice questions being raised about the way humans und human society think and live. (There's also a heavy dosage of slave trade and the resulting abuse, so content warning for that.) I liked it!

Hymn of Memory (S. Jean): This one was nice. Sweet and sad at the same time. I admit, I teared up a little several times. The loneliness and warm moments were just very palpable. The amount of modernisation vs the magic of the Divine was unexpected. I'm so used to my fantasy books being old-timey and contempories having no magic at all, that the mixture actually surprised me. :'D What did not surprise me were the revelations towards the end. But having your suspicions confirmed is good, too, and I was still eager to know how it would turn out. Overall, I really liked the book. I think it has good exploration of its characters and themes and I dare say I felt the love.

Of Knights and Books and Falling in Love (Rita A. Rubin): After bruising my tender heart I needed something easy. This was definitely it. Sweet and cozy and low-key, but still with some adventurous interludes. The characters are nice, they have some cute interactions and there's a cat. Do you know the Atelier Games? I only played the Arland and Dusk trilogies, but this reminded me of those: A laid-back protagonist who builds affinity with their friends by doing little adventures with them while collecting and crafting items. There's no item crafting in the book, but a bookstore, so … I really can't say much more than that. I just had a really enjoyable time reading. :'D

Wolf Willow Witch (The Gideon Testaments 2) (Freydís Moon): I admit, I was kinda lost during the first ~20 pages. Beforehand I thought, I remembered Heart Haunt Havoc quite enough, turned out I didn't. :'D I also had trouble liking the protagonists which is so weird of me, because I always crave badass heroines and then … I end up not liking them ... Which in this case is just because in real life the contemporary witch woman with her pet rat would just not be the person I'd approach. I also don't have any connection to religion so everything about this book felt far away from me at first. It got better as the story progressed and they found a goal to reach. In the end I was honestly curious how they would solve their situation. And also next volume promises to be interesting!

Whisper of Shadows and Snakes (vol 1) (J.S. Burn): (Haha, ok my notes for this one were sparse. Do I remember anything … :'D) This is the opening to a big adventure story with a whole party of friends ending up in a different world. Didn't expect that! Everyone gets their unique powers and training arcs and all that. There were some questionable plot things like, is there no public transportation in your city? Why do you have to walk all the way home? And also there just was an earthquake, so maybe don't go through a crater area in the dark which grounds you don't know? Phew. Also, with the money they'll need to pay for new shoes they could probably have shared a taxi. :'D Overall, I enjoyed reading it. It's aiming pretty high, but if I remember right, it felt like there was a lot of work put into it and it was done pretty well. :)

A Searing Faith (The Heart Pyre 1) (Audrey Martin): This is difficult. I did not really enjoy this but most of that was because of me rather than the book itself. It's a serious story which was not quite the best choice for me when I'm tired from work and spending all my free time gaming instead of immersing myself in reading. I think the story premise is interesting. I liked the worldbuilding and the writing style. It's not often authors describe the little gestures of characters while they're talking. It comes naturally to me because after drawing manga for many years my head is always in storyboard mode even when writing, so I'm always thinking about how the characters look and what they are doing. Not that I dislike usual dialogue scenes, mind you, but here was like "Oh! Nice!" What I didn't like was the heroine … (I probably always have expectations how I want my heroines to be and then am disappointed when they act differently.) Objectively, she is probably written well. Bad things happened to her and she has very little time to process. Also, she's only 16 and had a bunch of younger siblings, so many of her decisions are probably a result of that and yet … In August I talked about how much I like Will's brash attitude in The Will Darling Adventures. Rena is basically the opposite, so … :'D Overall I liked the story and I am considering to read the next volume when it comes, even though the ending didn't really catch me. I wish there was some sort of tiny tiny hint as to why it is Maya and not anyone else. Unfortunately being utterly clueless doesn't really create anticipation for me. Oh well. I do love the cover!

A Charm of Magpies Trilogy (KJ Charles): Okay, these ones are definitely not niche anymore, but they're still indie, right? I just needed a little break and read most of the three books on a Saturday curled up in my bed, like under the covers. I probably got up to get food, but otherwise … What to say about the books … They're fun and adventurous with nice characters and easy to read? KJ Charles just has this way of writing that gets me immersed and amused easily. This trilogy is not my favourite of her books from what I read so far, but I had a very good Saturday reading these. uAub

If you need more recommendations for indie books, some others I read this year and loved are: The Devil's Luck (L.S. Baird), Of Feathers and Thorns (Kit Vincent), The High King's Golden Tongue (Megan Derr), Oracle of Senders (Mere Joyce), Rowan Blood (Kellen Graves) and The Tarot Sequence (KD Edwards)!

[hurlingsupport]

could you do a reagan ridley with a reader who’s kinda childish? like they collect stuffed animals but get super insecure about it? if not it’s okay! thank u!

Yeah I can, and thank you for the request! Not sure if you wanted headcanons or a scenario though, so I went ahead and did a short one-shot since it's what I'm most familiar with

"Movie Night" (Reagan Ridley x Childish! Gender Neutral Reader One-shot)

(Slight warning for cussing)

Today was movie night with Reagan, a night full of nothing but sci-fi and popcorn. And today was a bit abnormal compared to other nights. See, usually you and Reagan would have movie night in your living room, where the TV was bigger and there was just more stretching room overall.

However, you were rather exhausted from this week; maintaining the government isn't exactly refreshing. So you really didn't have the energy to set everything up in your living room, and your room was quite cozy if you say so yourself, so the room it was.

Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, seeing that you trusted Reagan and there wasn't anything particularly wrong with your room. It's just that you had a collection of items that you considered pretty embarrassing for an adult in their thirties to have. Which happened to be collecting plush animals of all kinds, but a few were from your childhood, meaning that they were rather valuable in your heart.

You knew how Reagan was; she wouldn't outright bully you, but she would think it was weird. She was cool, mature most of the time, and a literal genius! You shivered in fright, imagining her judgmental face staring at you of all people.

Luckily, you had the perfect solution, which was to just stuff your collection under your bed. You even cleaned it out so that they wouldn't get dusty or anything. Then, as you pulled your blanket down to better hide your plushies, you heard the doorbell to your apartment ring.

Quickly double checking to make sure everything was in place, you ran to the door. And there she was, in her plain black hoodie with green, ripped jeans.

"Were you running?" She asked with a smile, hands in her pockets. You laughed at her question.

"No."

As soon as she stepped through the doorway, you closed the door and led her to the kitchen.

"You got here kind of early, so the popcorn's still in the microwave. Go ahead and take a drink out of the fridge." She opened your fridge and immediately made a face.

"Capri Suns? Do those actually still exist?" She grabbed one and started to inspect it.

"Uh, yeah? How long has it been since you had one?" She ignored your question and instead put the one she was holding back and grabbed a different one.

"Wait, you like Lemon Lime Rush?" Reagan paused as she poked the straw through the hole.

"You don't?"

Before you could tell her that she could have your whole supply, the microwave began to beep, signaling that the popcorn was done.

"Whatever, go pick a movie, and it better not be The Matrix again!" Regan let out a long, exaggerated groan at your words. You could faintly hear her whining about how it got better each time.

You sighed as you opened the popcorn, pouring a bit of salt into it so that it wasn't completely plain. However your eyebrows raised as you heard a rather loud thump come from your room.

"You okay?" You yelled, waiting for a reply. And when you heard a scream come from your room, both the salt and the popcorn went flying out of your hands.

"WHAT-WHAT!? WHAT HAPPENED??" Sliding into your room's doorway, you realized that she wasn't screaming about an alien, a mole-man, or even her dad somehow sneaking in with only his underwear on; instead, she sat on your carpeted floor, holding one of your most prized possessions: your favorite beanie baby from your childhood, Tooter the Dinosaur.

Reagan looked up at you, her eyes wide with disbelief, as she gripped the brown and yellow Parasaurolophus.

It was silent for a few seconds, and when a full minute passed, Reagan finally decided to speak up.

"You've got Tooter the Dinosaur?" It only took those words to leave her mouth for tears to begin rapidly streaming down your face, mouth pursed so that you didn't make this situation any more awkward. Immediately, Reagan stood up, beanie baby still in hand, as she grabbed your shoulder in surprise.

"Woah, woah! What's wrong?" She watched as you struggled to get the words out, your sniffling increasing with each breath you took.

"You-- *sniff*, you weren't supposed to—hmph!" You shut your mouth once you felt an oncoming sob trying to escape.

Reagan stayed silent as she stared at you in concern before placing the dinosaur plushie in your hands and watching as you gripped its soft body for comfort.

"I wasn't supposed to—what? Did you not want me to see the plushie?" She tried laughing, grimacing as you kept crying despite her attempt at a joke. She then sat you down on your bed, sitting next to you with her hands in her lap.

"Sorry, I wasn't snooping or anything. As soon as I walked in, I slipped on Tooter and fell." She let a small chuckle escape her lips.

"... Is that what that thump was?" You didn't look at her, holding the plushie close to your body.

"Ah, yeah. Haha." She grimaced and continued, "Um, look—I can go if you don't want to do movie night anymore-" you instantly cut her off.

"What!? No, no! *sniff* You're fine, Reagan!" You sighed, feeling that you messed up the whole night because of your childish ways. "You didn't do anything; I'm just weird." She made a confused face, and before she could ask any questions, you began to explain.

"Look, um, I kind of collect these plushies, not just beanie babies. Any kind of plushie, really." You paused, rubbing at the dinosaur's soft fur.

"It's just embarrassing, I guess. I'm in my thirties and I'm still acting like this." You let out a sad laugh and jumped back when Reagan exclaimed.

"What? Dude, I've seen way weirder; we both have!" Her brows were furrowed, and her hands waved in the air as if to support her claim.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, it's just that you're so... mature? I don't know, I thought you'd be weirded out or something." With this, Reagan gasped, staring at you with a hurt expression.

"No way! I mean, I'm just as weird, if not weirder than you! Have you met my family?" Your face scrunched at the image that appeared in your head. "Or seen my eyebags?" She pulled the skin under her eyes down, and you had to admit that you'd never seen someone with such a dark shade of purple underneath their eyes.

"So you're not weirded out?" She put a hand on your shoulder again, this time with a smile on her face.

"Of course not; in fact-" She gave you a mischievous look before grabbing the dinosaur out of your hands. "-I've been looking for a dinosaur beanie baby. They came out in 2002, y'know?"

"What? No, that's mine!" You laughed, tackling her as you tried to pry the precious plush from her hands. And when you finally succeeded, you were met with the reward of being pushed off your bed. You huffed in frustration when you heard Reagan let out a guttural laugh, while you tried to ignore her ego boosting through the roof.

It was then that you noticed all of your hidden plushies underneath your bed, just barely covered by the now messy blanket.

"I do have another dinosaur beanie baby, if you're interested?" Reagan snorted, hopping off your sheet-ridden lair and watching as you reached under your bed for the plushie you were looking for.

"God, you sound like a drug dealer—or maybe just Andre." She crossed her arms, bending a bit to get a better look at what you were trying to grab.

"Yeah, okay, Ms. Genius." Once you had finally gotten the beanie baby out of your kingdom of stuffed toys, you reached up and shoved it into Reagan's face.

"Ow—oh what? Is this Toothy Toothy!?" You giggled at her amazed face, getting off the ground so that you were at the same level as her.

"Yeah, now if you'll excuse me, I have popcorn to make." You stood by your bedroom doorway, waiting for Reagan to follow, and when she didn't, you called out to her instead.

"And I'll need someone to clean up the popcorn they made me spill!" She turned her head slightly towards you, eyes still focused on the plushie you had given her.

"I really don't think it's me you're talking about." You sighed, carefully grabbing ahold of her wrist and dragging her out of the room.

"So am I not picking the movie?" She asked, and you laughed.

"Fuck no."

[poguestvff]

LIKE A BIG SISTER SHOULD — WHEEZIE CAMERON

in which wheezie cameron finds that blood doesn’t make you family, love and affection does.

taglist | masterlist | 2.5k words | @pogueslandia ,

warning(s): food, she/her pronouns, ward slander, a little sarah slander but that’d include reading between the lines. why’d this make me want to make a series of reader and Wheezie being best friends.

There's always been a heavy feeling of loneliness that rested upon the youngest cameron's shoulders, weighing her down as it seemed to pile over the years. Her siblings were always older, an age gap between them that even if it was shortened by a few years, their worlds would still be two different things. All three of them were in three different stages of life yet somehow it felt like Wheezie wasn't even there at times.

Throughout the entirety of her schooling career so far, everything had somehow been about Rafe and Sarah. Sarah was the perfect one; the paragon who could do no wrong. Even if Sarah tried to disobey, it'd be turned around to be made out as a minute mistake. She'd probably be able to get away with it a second time if she did it a different way. Maybe the same way.

Rafe was quite the opposite. The bastard child who needed a plentiful amount of attention in hopes he can be more like the paragon. With all this attention, his head only grew. It never gave him the space for growth. It minimized the space to stay exactly where he was for years on end.

This left Wheezie to be the ostracized sibling. She wasn't a social butterfly or a poster child like Sarah and she definitely wasn't a loner or the 'damaged goods' child like Rafe. She was just... average. With average grades and an average personality. Just average old Wheezie. She told herself this consistently, watching her father balance his attention between making sure Rafe stayed between the lines he'd drawn for him in a radius such as a dart board and allowing Sarah step out of them, even erasing some of the lines so she could walk on by them without a second thought.

But Wheezie was stuck in that tiny little circle in the middle, the bullseye as if scared to move out of those lines. The one place that was the hardest to pinpoint specifically by her father. But there was one thing Ward Cameron always said correct about his younger daughter. That he wouldn't be able to pin point his little dart of control into the middle of the board because she was misunderstood and misunderstood she was.

Though one person had been able to pick up on every single one of Wheezie's emotions.

Y/n Y/L/N was a pogue who had done tutoring on the side for a little extra money and when John B had recommended Y/n for help with Wheezie's homework, Ward was quick to say okay. He hardly even asked a thing about Y/n, just telling her to help Wheezie pass eighth grade and that was all. It was made very apparent to Y/n that was Wheezie was not as much of a priority to Ward as other things were.

Their first tutoring session, Wheezie was awfully dismissive. She didn't care for any of Y/n's efforts as they sat within the comfort of Wheezie's bedroom. She just wanted the entire hour to be over with the second she'd entered her room but Y/n was insistent, knowing that by the end of the school year she would have something instilled in Wheezie's brain. She just didn't know what that something was yet.

The second time they met, Y/n was more passive aggressive in hopes of breaking down the brick walls Wheezie had stored between her and everyone else in hopes of not disappointing them like the way she thought she'd disappointed her father. Y/n sat her down in her desk chair, swiveling her chair to her as she rested her hands on the younger girls shoulders. "You are going to have a really awkward couple of weeks if you and i don't become friends so no work today. We're playing 20 questions."

That night, Y/n learned a lot about Wheezie Cameron that she never thought she'd learned. Wheezie hated the color purple, she just painted her room that color because Sarah liked that color. Wheezie loved to paint and to draw, it was her favorite activity, she just rarely showed it bevause she hadn't believed in herself. Though, when she showed Y/n the canvas' that were shoved at the back of the closet, Y/n marveled at them. But Y/n's favorite fact, and the same one that almost made her hug Wheezie on the spot, was that she was never taught to swim and Y/n made her a promise that she would teach her.

As the weeks went by, Wheezie waiting anticipatingly for Y/n's beaten down, green ford bronco to pull up on the driveway and she'd leave the house with a giant smile on her face. It’d be early in the morning, a little less than an hour until school started, just like how Wheezie liked. She'd jump in the driver seat, embracing the smell of vanilla from the scented item hanging from the rear view mirror. She’d toss her bag to the back as Y/n would ruffle her hair, just like she had every morning. "And beloved was set in... late 1856!" Wheezie answered excitedly as Y/n drove down the final street towards her school after the two had gotten breakfast together.

"Perfect! You're gonna do so good on your test, Wheeze, I promise." Y/n told her ecstatically as she pulled into a parking space. Just before Wheezie could get out, Y/n held her upper arm just to gain her attention before she got out. "Tell Rose she doesn't have to get you after school. I'll leave school early and you and I are having a girls day. No studying, just me, you and a shit ton of sweets."

Wheezie smiled, she could feel the muscles in her jaw begin to hurt from how wide she had. She tilted her head to the side out of curiosity, eyeing the look of excitement on Y/n's face. "But why?"

Y/n shrugged, adjusting in her seat and fixing her rear view mirror. "Cause, you deserve it. I'm so proud of you, Little W." She told her, looking back towards the girl and seeing her smile slightly drop. "You okay?"

Wheezie couldn't remember a time where she was genuinely told that. Yeah, sure, Ward said it a few times but it'd be in a lousy tone before he'd wave her off, saying he was busy with whatever office work he had to attend to. Sarah may have said it a few times but it was rushed before she'd run after her friends with a quick goodbye to Wheeze, leaving her alone in the sand. It was never sincere. Not in the way Y/n had said it.

She rubbed her hands against her jean clad thighs with a sharp breath before nodding. “Yeah. I've just never really been told that before. Like—Like genuinely." She said, lowly, in hopes Y/n would understand and wouldn't push it.

Y/n had known Wheezie long enough to know her tells and avoiding eye contact was one of the biggest ones. So she didn't indulge further in the conversation, brushing it under the rug but knowing she'd have to go diving back in for that little tidbit later on. Instead she wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug from over the console. "I'll tell you i'm proud of you everyday if i have to." Y/n muttered before kissing the top of her head. "Now go, if you're late to first period, your dad will kill me." And Wheezie was able to leave the car with a smile on her face, already looking forward to the day planned later on.

Y/n was overall consistent, it was one thing Wheezie enjoyed knowing that when she made promises she tried to keep them as best as she could. Sometimes things slipped her mind but Wheezie could recognize that Y/n didn't forget a thing when it came to Wheezie. Like she made sure to engrave bits and pieces of her into her mind like a data chart. But it showed she cared and that was enough for Wheezie.

Y/n cared enough that when she entered her car after school, the smell of her favorite cinnabon's filled the car that made her look in the backseat, seeing a picnic basket. There wasn't a chance, right? You could only get them on the mainland. She turned her body swiftly towards the elder girl who sat with a smirk on her face. "You didn't?"

"I did. Second I left fourth period, got on a ferry just for you to have those overly sweet treats." Y/n said, tapping her nose with a 'boop'! "And I almost got stuck on the mainland because of it so you better enjoy the hell out of them."

"I will, I promise." Wheezie said dramatically as Y/n smiled, pulling out of the parking space to head down to the beach. Wheezie had said she didn't have a bathing suit, not prepared for the outing, though Y/n already said she had ransacked her room for clothes for after. Y/n was the only person allowed in Wheezie Cameron's room without Wheezie being there and the elder girl took pride in it.

As Y/n set up their small area for the few hours, she noticed Wheezie standing just where the water and the sand met. She kicked around the water with clear disinterest causing Y/n to huff, hands on her hips, before tossing off her hoodie to get in. The splash she'd made by pushing herself into the water made Wheezie jump, a laugh falling from the two's lips. "Come on." Y/n said, standing and holding her hands out to Wheezie.

"Y/n/n, I can't swim."

"Y/n/n I can't swim, well, obvi, i know that, little W. But, you have your amazing best friend to keep you afloat. I won't let you go, i swear." Y/n said, holding up her pinky.

"Swear?"

"On my life." She reassured with a trusting smile before Wheezie walked further in. When the water had gotten to her above her waist, it'd freaked her out a bit though Y/n talked her through it, coaxing her further in slowly. Wheezie was kept above the water as Y/n held her hands as the buoyancy was used to their advantage. "See, not as bad as you thought?"

Wheezie shook her head though still nervous. "Not as bad, not my thing though."

"Why don't we try actually swimming? I won't force you if you don't want to and we can get back to shore right now but maybe just try?" She asked as Wheezie had to think about it for a moment. She almost felt guilty, remembing just a few months ago when Sarah had asked her if she could teach her but she refused. Though maybe, just maybe, it was because of Y/n being a bit more trust worthy that Wheezie said yes this time.

It took a while, Wheezie was frightened by letting go even as Y/n would say she was okay. Wheezie would tighten her grip on her shoulders before trying again and again until she eventually got it. She finally was able to keep herself above the water without flailing, recognizing that she was okay. Y/n cheered as she watched, not caring for the stares of others around them. "See, dude? You just have to start applying yourself! You did it!"

"I did it!" Wheezie said as Y/n hugged her, the two laughing before Wheezie screamed making Y/n's laughter die fast. "Something touched me!"

"Wheeze, it was seaweed." Y/n said softly before turning and letting her place her hands on her shoulders. "Yeah let's get you out of here before a jellyfish gets you."

Wheezie widened her eyes. "Jellyfish?"

As the sun had began to set and people had packed up their things and left, Y/n and Wheezie stayed. Wheezie was on her fourth doughy treat, even though Y/n told her to slow down two treats ago. Towels were wrapped around each of their shoulders as they watched the pretty colors fade in to one another, a mixture of pink, blue and orange array of colors combining to make a cotton candy sky. Wheezie watched as Y/n got up, accepting a phone call from Ward, the only phone call she hadn't silenced since they'd left the car.

In the time she'd left, Wheezie took advantage of it to recognize how appreciative she was of all that Y/n was doing for her. She came in as a tutor and, to Wheezie, was to stay as a friend. As family. Wheezie was more then ecstatic to have someone who would be there to rant and rave about the other Cameron's, someone she could trust with her secrets and the contents of her always running brain. Someone who was just there.

"Hey, your father would like us back in thirty so we should leave in ten." She said coming back and sitting beside Wheezie as she caught sight of her face, the lack of the smile that was there previously concerning her. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing, really. Just... I really enjoyed today, Y/n. It really lets me know you're not just here for like... like the money or something."

Y/n let out a scoff. "Are you kidding? I enjoy nothing more than watching you freak out over the existence of jellyfish." She joked as Wheezie pushed her to the side with a laugh. Y/n recovered, letting out a content sigh as she tossed an arm over Wheezie's shoulders. "You're stuck with me now, Wheezes. Can't wait to record you falling at your next soccer game."

Wheezie couldn't help the laugh that slipped past her lips, leaning into Y/n's embrace as her head rested against her clavicle. "And I'll be looking for you in the stands, Y/n/n."

Y/n and Wheezie had both found out something about the other that night. Wheezie found that she didn't want to be like Sarah and she was glad she wasn't like Rafe. She was content with her own little circle on the dart board but maybe she could take a bit after her newest role model. And Y/n found that she was able to instill several things into the youngers mind including To Kill a Mockingbird, Inca Civilizations, and that she now had a true and present big sister to look up to.

[bybdolan]

thank you for linking the list! I'm sorry I completely missed it. I have to admit I'd mostly agree with you on those looks (I didn't love the gingham dress at the end of the favourites list, and also I really like the blue one you were ambivalent on).

The second part of the ask was just general, too (not taylor related). I also took a look at the collection and, although it's not really my style/taste, they are all gorgeous!

I have another question, if you're willing to indulge me - what are your favourite (and least favourite) trends right now (clothing, make up, overall style, whatever). (also not taylor related, btw, though you can go that way if you want).

It's okay! It's a rather old post!!! And if by "the blue one" you mean Grammys 2015, I KNOW it's a beloved look but I just don't like it at all :/ it feels very of it's time to me, not in a good way!

And EXCELLENT question, thank you! As a big 70s and 90s chic girlie, I am elated that these kinds of styles are pretty in right now – I purchased three of those flared black leggings this year and am absolutely obsessed with them. Comfy yet chic. I can also appreciate the resurgence of biiiig pants simply because they are hot and also rather comfortable to wear (although I have not found a pair for me yet). While the 2000s resurgence unfortunately also comes with the resurgence of a specific body ideal, I can appreciate that it injects a fun pop of playfulness and color into the fashion scene. I have also come around on low rise pants bc sexiiie, but low rise big jean skirts are a no from me... I also am personally not that into the whole maximalism trend, but it is fun to see people be bold and out there with their looks. Which is actually something I really love about makeup right now: I feel like thanks to stuff like Euphoria and the graphic liner trend in general, people have started to be more Out There with color and glitter and make-up has become a tad more of a statement rather than just an attempt to "look good", which is also my personal approach to makeup (blue eyeshadow my beloved). Also generally speaking: I LOVE seeing a person out and about who just has A Style, where you can see why they picked and paired pieces together, even if I personally wouldn't wear the look. I can always admire a sense of self and a sense of style.

On a less positive note: The ever changing trend cycles and influencer culture lead to overconsumption of fashion which is very much a bad thing. I am frequently shocked at the way big fashion people talk about buying stuff ("I HAD to get this but I don't know how to style it yet so let's see what I can come up with!" – why buy something that you don't know what to do with?). My no. 1 basic fashion advice will always be: Before buying something, think about how it will fit into your closet and what items you can pair it with, so you don't have to buy a whole new outfit to make one piece work.

[mybodyliberation]

AD| Gifted Kaleidoscope Curve Collection Launch

When Kaleidoscope approached me and asked me to review some of the pieces from their brand new curve collection that has already officially launched, I was very intrigued because let's face it, though we have more options than we did even 5 years ago within the plus size industry, a lot of people, including myself, feel that there need to be more options. 

Before committing I went to the website and looked at the sizing, which now goes up to a size 32 in a good amount of the stock! As a smaller fat women I recognize that its too easy for me to overlook plus size sizing and how inclusive it is, but now I also recognize the importance of making sure that brands are truly catering to the plus community. 

I was given the chance to pick a few outfits and I wanted to use the opportunity to look at pieces that I usually wouldn't gravitate too because sometimes its in walking outside of your comfort zone that you find the cutest things. 

So for reference, I went for everything in a size 20. 

Sure its autumn and soon we'll be in winter and the colours are meant to become more muted but have you met me guys? It was only too obvious that I would gravitate to this mustard v neck. I love colour pops and this one is perfect for casual looks paired with some cute jeans (I'll come to those in a moment) and also super easy to dress up in this evening after work if you've got a date night. It's light and easy to wear as we transition in season. 

Now I mentioned the jeans, these super soft straight leg's aren't my usual choice, I tend to go for a skinny jean but I find my ample calf stretches them out too quickly and I wanted a pair of jeans that could stand up to the power of my calves. This high waisted sculpt and lift denim jean is designed to stretch and still support. My other usual problem with jeans is that if it makes it past my calves, hips and booty it tends to be extremely baggy in the waist but I actually didn't have this problem with this pair and I'm pretty confident that if my weight fluctuates I can wear a belt and not worry about permanently hoisting up falling down jeans. 

I finished the look off with their new soft tailored trench, in this popping red, yes I was giving Winnie the pooh cosplay vibes, but I absolutely loving it. I loved my shape in this and the added details on the trench (tie belt and buttons), make my feel like Lois Lane out to report on the hottest new story, so excuse me while I utterly feel myself. The length is actually really great and I feel like I look more expensive than I actually am in this. I like the sophisticated version of me I felt in this whole look, I felt confident and like I actually meant business!

The other two looks were dresses, one a denim curved hem dress and a animal jacquared pocket dress. Firstly the denim dress was a no brainer as I fell in lover with denim dresses really early on in the summer. I feel like its the perfect outfit that can be casual be dressed up for a slightly fancier occasion. I honestly always feel like I could be running errands, going to work or going for dinner in this and I'm a sucker for a dress with pockets. I will say that because my bust isn't on the bigger so I kind of felt that in the size 20 I didn't really fill out that area. 

Now animal print is something that only till recently I have joined the bandwagon on and let me just say that I will not be getting off this ride anytime soon. Again I found this to be a generous 20 so if you're wanting a more fitted look, maybe try sizing down, but all in all the cut and the shape was much more my style than I realised. When I looked at the pictures I did say, dang is that me? Only because I looked so luxe I was sure it was an alternate universe version of me on the way to bury my 3rd husband. Boop. Just kidding, my fourth. Just kidding, the point is that its a statement dress and boy will you make a bold statement in this on a date night or night with the girls!

Overall I'm really pleased with the items that I chose and again I realised that as a smaller fat I am privileged in cuts and sizing, but with the items looking like they might be on the more generous side and knowing yourself more than anyone and what cuts your body is accustomed to, there are definitely essential autumn pieces that you will be able to get. 

Now some of the items I chose were on the more expensive side, but then not any more expensive than other plus size brands and actually some of the items, for example the animal print dress, was much more affordable than I anticipated. This is really important for those of us who want access to current trends while also being mindful of our budget.