#(i forgot abt her almost oops)

[emypony]

Honkai Idol AU

this is all ur fault @spectral-claws IDOL FELIS BE UPON YE

I will now proceed to go ahead and post my rambles, thank you to @izzyandviolins for letting me ping her all the time and just dump all the brainrots I have whenever

Idk how much sense these will make AND i will put more specific stuff at the end for everyone else who would just like the general AU idea at the start

DISCLAIMER I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IDOLS OR KPOP GROUPS ASIDE FROM A VERY OUTSIDER PERSPECTIVE OF WHAT I SEE ON MY DASH 🙏

EDIT: This actually got hella long so I will be putting it under a read more, oh my god I am so sorry

Now for the groups:

1. there's obviously our 4 main girls: Kiana, Mei, Bronya and Fu Hua

Himeko is the coach / choreographer, Tesla makes props and Einstein does Costumes / Makeup, Welt is the Manager (this is REALLY. im well aware theres a ton more ppl behind idol / kpop groups but you know its just. ITS JUST WHAT IT IS WITH THE CHARACTERS THAT WE HAVE, OKAY)

2. Senti's main group consisting of!! Senti (obviously), Sirin (HoV), Seele, Veliona (they're a package duo), Sushang and Carole (yes she is here, no I will not elaborate --- ok maybe I will)

3. A few flamechasers: Pardofelis (which is a!!! New Idol!! She's the main focus of this group atm since the stans love her to bits--- catgirl charm. I promise there is a reason for this statement) Elysia, Eden, Mobius (I am not that familiar with her so she would either be part of the group OR maybe act like the on-set medic or whichever), Sakura, Vill V AND Aponia (maybe, there's a 5th group I'm thinking about however it's kind of still an idea so I will leave her here for now)

4. The GuysTM: Kevin, Su (the most marketable out of all of them), Kalpas (shocking, I know. I hc he's in gacha debt from genshin impact) and MAYBE Adam and Lyle but only bc Carole is there I'm putting them with a ?

I don't know where to fit Kosma, Griseo and Teri or Durandal and Rita (im sorry fellas im not that acquainted with them but you're 100% free to suggest something for them)

Now a bit about relationships between members of the groups or other groups:

Seele and Bronya are Dating so Seele (and by extension Veliona) are always hanging out with Bronya's group (though Veli might stay behind sometimes because she gets on relatively alright with Senti)

Sirin and Senti have a one sided rivalry from Sirin because she wants to prove she's the best and always challenges Senti to dance battles or. whatever it is that Kpop / Idols do (idont know dont ask me) but Senti is distracted by her own one sided. Rivalry (and it is NOT towards Fu Hua LOL) They're just dummy but they are a nice combo together when dancing

Speaking of Senti and Fu Hua, I see them like a past dance Duo that was supposed to compliment each other however after Senti was mostly cast and categorized by the fans as a twin / copycat of Fu Hua, she got fed up and went to develop her own solo style. things were mostly tensioned between them however Fu Hua doesn't hold resentment over what Senti did and she also feels like her new spot with Kiana, Mei and Bronya is better, and she also really likes Senti's own evolution apart from her own. Whenever Senti gets dragged along to Kiana's group and meets up with her, she's a bit awkward, but Hua is able to get past that and manages to get her talking (Senti doesn't start a conversation when they meet up, even if she does seek out Hua more than Hua herself, although she doesn't mind. It doesn't take much to go "so what's the recent idol group news" and then Senti goes off abt things the media reports on and other things and. she just starts talking and doesn't stop. Hua listens and gives advice but mostly lets Senti talk about whatever she's dealing with and maybe figure things out on her own by voicing them out loud. She values her as a more awkward friend (compared to her original hard go getter attitude from when they were a duo together) so she doesn't mind listening to her (mostly funny and unhinged) rants about the world of idol / media since she doesnt keep up with whatever drama is going on

+ Senti has got a funny friendly rivalry with Kiana at least and they're able to enjoy themselves ((compared to Sirin and Kiana who have REALLY got their own more serious rivalry))

Mei hangs out with Ely and Eden frequently enough to hold a friendly relationship with them as well as the rest of the flame chasers group and the guys. Elysia keeps begging their managers to let Mei Collab with them much more often.

Carole and Fu Hua go way back before their Idol days and Carole isn't shy whatsoever in jumping Hua whenever she gets the chance. She's way more into fashion and makeup and skincare and all of that and while Hua loves that she's so energetic, she can get a bit much but thankfully Carole knows when to step back a little and focus her energy beam on someone else. (They are great friends that don't talk on the daily but they can catch up without issues)

Li Sushang has a more ... mmm whats the word. Cordial? Relationship with Fu Hua? I'm a bit lost where to place her, mostly because I see her as Fu Hua's dance duo that didn't work out so she got relocated to another group better suited for her style. Unsure if this was before or after Senti teamed up with Hua, but Sushang does hold a bit of animosity towards Senti for that (nothing too bad, but she does wonder how the hell could they have been a dance duo when Senti seems like the complete opposite of Hua in regards to what she does - because she is a little bit crazy at times especially if left alone with Carole). They do have a general ok relationship and Sushang enjoys hanging out with everyone

Senti finds Carole a bit much at times (shocking, I know) but she is fun to hang around with and do mischief (Especially when Veliona joins in. They are banned from the kitchen along with Kiana)

Most of the Flamechasers and the guys keep to themselves BUT Carole will bother Kalpas to no end and he's so pissed off about it except she works out and he cannot beat her in an arm wrestling contest or anything for that matter so he has to rightfully suffer the wrath of a girl with 17 steps of bedtime skincare routine <3

NOW HERE IS WHERE WE GET INTO THINGS THAT ARE INCREDIBLY SELF INDULGENT FOR ME mostly because they are Sentifelis so. I do apologize but also I tried to keep most of it towards the end

OK SO AS I'VE SAID PARDO IS A NEW ADDITION TO THE FLAMECHASERS IDOL GROUP AND THE STANS ARE OBSESSED WITH HER !!! She's literally a catgirl with a cute aesthetic, it's a recipe for success

the funniest part: SENTI HATES HER (at the beginning at least) because until her, she was kind of one of the top spots on the 'idol leaderboard' or whatever (idk if thats a thing, people like diff idols / kpop artists etc but like. POPULARITY POLL?) and she's out there with Elysia BUT AS SOON AS FELIS CAME SHE JUST BULLDOZED RIGHT THROUGH ALL OF THAT and she's UPSET (or thinks she is anyway)

Fans also started comparing them a lot because of their different dance styles - Senti has more of a street dance type, and Felis is good at doing very fluid motions (mostly because of her tail) and fans love them both

Felis actually admires Senti so much as a fellow idol and somehow even after working with the group for a while she doesn't get to meet Senti at all and that's kind of her dream she just wants to 🥺befriend Senti she thinks shes SO cool

Senti would rather die before admitting that she actually thinks that Felis is really cute and isn't surprised that she's garnered such a large fanbase even though she hasn't worked as an idol for as long as the others, she finds her dance moves really nice ESPECIALLY because of her tail. BUT SHE IS GOING TO DENY THESE TILL THE END OF TIME (or so she claims) -

Like Sirin will just come to her on the daily to ask to practice and dance battle and will get completely brushed aside. See:

Sirin: "Today i will!! finally be top center stage instead of Senti!! i will finally beat her in the popularity poll!" She tries to get a rise out of Senti by claiming she is better and such but there's nothing, because Senti is just. too busy scrolling on her FYP on Tik Tok.

Senti: "Can you believe people made Fancams of Pardofelis AGAIN??? WHAT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I DON'T!! I HATE HER SO MUCH!!" (real 100% not clickbait) SHES TOO BUSY GOING OFF ABOUT "HATING" THE MEOW MEOW

Veliona: "you watched like 20 different fucking fancams. i thought you hated her"

Senti: "I DO I HATE HER SO MUCH ugh look at how they added a green sparkles and a neon cat ears and whiskers filter to this one. She looks way better in pink."

Sirin: "STOP LOOKING AT FANCAMS AND DO A DANCE BATTLE WITH ME RIGHT NOW!!!" *gets ignored*

Veliona, giving a look to Seele who just smiles and waves her hand to leave them be (insert 'I know what you are' dog meme here): 🧍‍♀️

I'm not sure if this ever happens in kpop 'biz' but imagine the 4 groups end up under the same publishing company so now they will all be living closer to each other (I have no idea wtf housing looks like for kpop stars or idols LOL) and collab more often and just meet at the workplace. SENTI HATES THIS OBVIOUSLY and like!! Felis definitely notices the cold shoulder she is given 🥺. She tries to say hi to Senti because she's super excited but Senti thinks she's just there to. Like show off that she's somehow better?? With her cute flicking ears and waving tail and her painted nails and her mismatched stockings BYE Senti cannot deal with this (she is confused and just hides it all behind an unfriendly facade)

Poor Felis is sad because she thinks she's done something wrong and she was so looking forward to meet Senti 😭😭😭

The same kind of behavior continues, because Senti can't really bring herself to be mean to Felis and tell her to get lost (especially when she's got that sad puppy look on her face) and always attempts to flee to another place instead. Their fellow idol coworkers DO notice, but most of them console Felis and say that's how Senti usually is with newcomers and that maybe she will warm up with time.

BONUS: There is a tiny part of the fandom shipping them - as you would and while they never got to get an interview from Felis about it, Senti is SHOCKED to find out that there's ppl making fics and fanart AND FANCAMS OF THEM (which are mostly taped together bc there's barely any interaction between them in media lmao). Like who in their right mind!! This is inconceivable to her!! She is so pissed about that too bc shes like "WHY ISNT PARDOFELIS SAYING ANYTHING TO THE PRESS ABOUT IT ... WE ARE NOT A THING!! WTF!! THIS IS ALL HER FAULT" (does not actually think its her fault and actually wonders where the fuck did fans get that impression but people will be people. ALSO no I don't condone rpf or any of that with actual real people, these r just fictional characters. and this is fanfiction inside a fanfiction)

Meanwhile I believe Felis would have a secret account on all social medias at least taking a look at that side of their fandom / fanbase and seeing what the people think in regards to that (she cant figure out why Senti won't be her friend, so maybe others will??? The theories and speculations people come up with are so funny though)

Afterwards, I would love to have them all taking a trip somewhere - to ... celebrate the fact that the companies and groups have merged or whatever (preferably the woods or. SOMEPLACE. Maybe with Caves? Yeah I'm pulling the 'stuck in a cave with no reception' trope on them, what will you do about it?) and that's how they finally get to have a 1 on 1 together, mostly because Felis is going to get a bit scared and thinks there's no way out of there.

Felis: "oh my god im too young to die!!! i didnt even get your autograph yet in my journal And I still have curry leftovers in my fridge that I didn't eat and I was so looking forward to them!!!"

Senti: "what."

Felis: "what ?"

Senti: "You...want my autograph?"

Felis: "Of course!! 🥺👉👈you're my biggest inspiration I admire your dance moves so much you look SO good on the screen and in concerts I I don't know how you do it I freak out all the time and think people can notice it BUT YOU LOOK SO CALM AND COMPOSED AND COOL-" and she has to stop herself because she's gushing dfjkghfd

and oh. okay maybe. MAYBE SENTI WAS HATING ON HER FOR NO REASON ACTUALLY...

With this they finally have a heart to heart and Senti apologizes for being so cold to Felis, she (begrudgingly) admits that she felt kind of threatened by Felis's onset popularity from the get go. Felis doesn't mind at all and is rather relieved that Senti doesn't ACTUALLY hate her and now they can be !!! friends!!! (Senti is actually overjoyed at their new friendship and hopes to hang out with her a lot more BUT she's incredibly trash at managing her feelings so it still comes off across as a little aloof and 'well, whatever...' but Felis doesn't seem to register that at all and has now resorted to holding Senti's hand because THEY ARE STILL TRAPPED IN A SCARY CAVE AND IT'S DARK

Obviously they are rescued a little while later because people noticed they were missing and such, and while still awkward around each other (mostly Senti, because she is now suddenly RECEIVING A LOT OF ATTENTION from a girl who she will never admit she finds cute, it's still a lot to get used to on day one but she powers through for the sake of it.

After this their friendship and such get better and Felis is no longer a stranger to their group, because she starts hanging out with Senti A LOT MORE once they get back. (and neither of them will tell the others what happened for that change)

Also I like to think Felis barges in Senti's room all the time to give her updates on the. ON THE FANS SPECULATION ABOUT THEM LOL

Felis: "YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS NEW FIC THAT WAS JUST POSTED"

Senti: "what fic"

Felis: "ABOUT US, DUMMY"

Senti: "YOU READ THOSE THINGS?"

Felis: "OF COURSE I DO. SOME ARE REAL GOOD... Someone wrote an Alternate Universe where we're like magical knights fighting against some unknown forces called 'Honkai' !"

Senti: "These people will make up just about anything, I swear"

Felis: "Btw did you know our ship tag is called Sentifelis"

Senti: "Our what."

ANYWAY THATS. JUST ABOUT ALL IM SO SORRY THAT THIS GOT EXTREMELY LONG I HAD NO IDEA I WROTE THIS MUCH? (it looks WAY less in discordf kdjfhgjkdfgdfhjn)

Would love to draw a few of them in idol / kpop like outfits.

ANYWAY UM. ✌ STAN SENTIFELIS

me about to tag every honkai character known to man:

(jk i wont do it I know how tag spam works, I will do my best to be courteous and put the most important ones)

[dovveri]

could you love me while i hate myself?

synopsis: y/n, nayeon, momo, and sana are in a polyamorous relationship. momo walks in on y/n self-harming for the first time in 7 months. they all try and talk and work through this together.

warnings: we got depression, suicidal ideation, self-harm (cutting), blood, sexual references, cursing - also this is poly!namosa if ur not into that but i love getting comfort from everyone i love so

w/c: 6.9k

a/n: sooo i wrote this in a day bcs im utilising my #depression as inspiration and lwk we love writing as a coping mechanism - i’m so fine tho i just need my meds to start working again LMAO and they will vvvv soon trust - but in the meantime i can pump out the sad stuff hehe! lwk forgot abt boo and dobby until like halfway thru writing this IM SO SORRY #fakefan and i wasn't bothered to write them back in so they js don't exist here oops!

⸸

fuck. fuck fuck fuck. the thoughts were coming. you wake up hazily, dream forgotten, arms wrapped around nayeon, legs entangled with the three people you loved most in the world. you don't deserve them. shut up!

you shut your eyes, trying to will away the thoughts. they were always there, always in the back of your head, always nagging, telling you that you didn't deserve to live, that you were a worthless piece of flesh born only to cause others suffering, or born with no purpose at all. there's no point to it all. just die. they'd be better off without you. they'd be happier without you.

you feel tears prick the corners of your eyes. it was so loud. you needed them to be quiet. to return to the depths of your mind. you curl in closer to nayeon, trying to breathe in the scent of her to distract you, feeling sana's breath on your hand, listening to momo's soft snores, they were the only thing grounding you. they pity you. that's why they've stuck around for so long. they know if they left you you'd break. they don't love you. it's pity. they'd be happier together. just the three of them. they didn't need you. you needed them. you were a burden to them. you need to leave so they can be happy. you want the best for them don't you? SHUT UP.

you couldn't take it anymore, you slowly unwrap yourself from your girlfriends. slipping your arms from around nayeon's waist and pulling your legs away from the mess of limbs. you look back at them, sleeping peacefully, watch their chests rise up and down with each breath, it's bittersweet. you had so much love for them. you turn around again and slip out the door, closing it softly behind you.

you pad softly towards the bathroom, entering it quietly and sighing, looking at yourself in the mirror. dark circles under red eyes, messy hair, disgusting. look at you. how could anyone love you? the thoughts were louder in the bathroom. almost echoing off crisp white walls. your grip on the sink tightens, you tear your gaze away from the mirror, letting your tears fall into the sink silently. why did i have be born like this? born like this? honey you're not different. everyone else is able to cope fine with trauma, with all the shit that happens in the world. you're just weak. weak, crying little bitch who can't deal with a couple sad emotions. don't think you're special. you're not. why can't i feel normal? you're not normal. you never will be. you'll always be that weird kid on the playground that no one wants to play with. grow up and get used to it already. why won't you leave me alone? i can't leave you alone. i am you. you are me. we're stuck together.

your head's splitting, you don't even realise you're crouched in on yourself now. hands gripping your head, nails digging into your scalp, anything to try and stop thinking. you wish you could just go back to sleep. sleep was easy. you didn't have to think when you were asleep.

that's right. sleep. sleep forever. run away from your problems. that's all you'll ever be good at right? running away. you ran away from your parents when they found out you were dating not one, not two, but three girls! whore! you left your brother and sister with them. they probably got the brunt of their anger. or maybe not. maybe they hate you too for being a fucking disappointment. it doesn't matter. they don't care about you. you left them. now leave your girlfriends. it'll be easier. leave. leave. run. do it.

your lip is trapped between your teeth. you're biting down so hard it draws blood. you're rocking yourself on the floor of the bathroom. pathetic. all you do is cry. grow up already. you can't take it. it was too much. you needed- needed-

you're reaching for the loose tile you know is second from the towel rack, opening it and finding your stash of emergency goods. you had meant to throw it away you just kept avoiding it and now... well you needed it now.

you take out a scalpel, go into the old routine of cleaning it down with an alcohol wipe, the motions that are familiar to you helping you drown out the thoughts already. they're still there though. they were always there. you'd be lonely without us wouldn't you? you actually enjoy being mentally ill don't you? take some sort of sick pleasure in it? is it comforting? it's easy to fall back into old habits isn't it?

once it's clean, you can see clearly again. you remove your pants, spreading your legs and look down at the scars that decorate the insides of your thighs. you take a breath, clearing your head as best you can, and bring the tip of the scalpel to start a new line.

the immediate relief when the blade enters your skin and you watch the scarlet liquid pour out of you is incredible. you're like an addict, drinking in the pain and using it to clear your mind. suddenly, the only sound you hear is the quiet of the bathroom and your own shallow breathing. you've never felt more at peace.

but it's only temporary. like everything is only temporary. seriously? this again? is this the best you can do to try and get rid of me? we talked about this you idiot. you're never getting rid of me. because we're the same. you just made yourself even uglier. congrats. good luck getting your girlfriends to ever touch you again after they see those.

fucking hell. you can't help it when your hands move to the start again, just under the new line you've created. you're about to push in again when you hear a gasp.

you look up in alarm, bloody scalpel in your hand, fresh cut on your thigh.

"m-momo."

"y/n- what-"

"it's not what it looks like i swear- fuck- oh my god- mo- please-" you're scrambling, trying to pull up your pants and cover yourself, dropping the scalpel onto the floor with a clang.

she's on you in seconds.

"no no sweetie it's okay i'm not- it's okay it's okay-" she's pulling you into a hug, and you start sobbing.

you're burrowing your head into her neck, sniffling and crying, she wasn't meant to find out. they were never meant to find out. now you've done it. good luck keeping them now. no way they're going to stay with you after this. better breathe her in while you can because she won't be yours in the morning.

you're squeezing her tight, crying and blabbering into her and she lets you. hushing and brushing through your hair, pressing light kisses along your forehead.

when she starts to pull away you panic, shaking your head against her, terrified she's leaving you and this is it.

"no sweetie i'm not going anywhere. i promise. we just gotta clean you up okay?"

she pulls away from you gently, opening the cabinets next to the sink to grab the first aid kit and comes down to sit next to you.

your sobs have ceded but you can't bear to look at her, staring down at the ugly scars on your legs.

"can i?" momo makes a gesture towards your legs and you shrug, moving closer to her so she can work.

she's quiet when she cleans the wound, focused.

you idiot you stupid fucking idiot. she hates you she thinks you're so gross and-

"do the others know?"

you don't trust your voice to speak so you shake your head.

"is this why you never let us touch you?"

you blush bright red, gripping the bottom of your shirt.

"you know we wouldn't have judged right?"

the tears are coming back, you feel them building up in your neck again, clogging it up, choking you.

"i'm sorry if we made you feel like we would have." momo's voice breaks then, and you look up. momo wasn't one to cry. sana tended to be the more emotional one, nayeon and momo cried too, just less often and definitely more private, momo just took a little longer to come to conclusions sometimes.

"y-you didn't." your voice is croaky when you speak up.

she sniffles a little, finishing cleaning and grabbing the bandages.

"a-are you mad?"

she sighs. "not mad. just... confused."

"i-i- i'm sorry. i'm sorry i didn't tell you guys i didn't- i thought you would think- i thought you might leave or think i'm too much or i don't know i-"

she finishes wrapping the bandage around your thighs, looking up at you then, her eyes shiny. "i could never leave you y/n. i love you. all of you. you, nayeon, and sana are my family."

you're crying again now, hands coming up to wipe at your tears. she gently helps you put your pants back on then pulls you into another hug, breathing shakily as she lets herself cry as well.

you cling onto her shirt, the confirmation that she was still here and she still loved you grounded you.

you both sit on the bathroom floor there, tightly wound around each other. you memorise the way her breathing comes in and out, focusing on the little hiccups, every single movement. it was quiet.

she pulls away from you, hands coming up to cup your cheeks, thumbs swiping along them. "do you want to talk about it?"

you shake your head.

"do you want to come back to bed then?"

you think a little, "i might sleep in the guest room tonight. i don't really... it's not that i don't want to sleep with you guys, i just-"

"is it okay if i join you in the guest room then?"

you look surprised, "why?"

"it's okay if you don't want me to. i just want to be with you if that's okay. to make sure you're safe for one, but also just because..." she sniffs, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear gently, "i love you and i want to make sure you sleep well."

the tears well up again. "of course. it's not you i just- i don't want sana and nayeon to find out like this."

momo nods, pressing a gentle kiss onto your nose, "i understand. do you want anything before bed? water? a snack?"

you smile tiredly against her, still in a sort of disbelief she was still here. "i'm okay. let's go to bed."

momo nods again, standing up and pulling you with her, but she stops again suddenly, looking down, "does it hurt?"

you wince, "not really. i mean the point is kinda for it to hurt." your eyes widen when momo frowns, "but it doesn't! not anymore i mean. i kinda got used to it." her frown deepens, "i mean no not like that! like- well yes- but-"

"it's okay y/n. i want to know these things. if you're okay with sharing them." she's sincere when she looks at you, and then she's pulling you along towards the guest room. your heart drops a little when you pass by the master bedroom, thinking of nayeon and sana sleeping peacefully inside, wrapped around each other blissfully unaware, but momo squeezes your hand and you look back towards her, following her into the guest room.

she turns on the lamp light and starts removing all the extra pillows and everything that were only really there for decoration. once she's done, she starts ushering you into bed and you laugh a little at her earnestness, "you don't have to treat me any different momo. i'm still the same person."

she frowns, climbing into bed after you, "i just found out about a massive part of your life that you've been hiding from us. you're not the same person to me. not when i've only known half of you."

you still at that, unable to look her in the eye as she fumbles around with the blanket, covering both of you and then sliding an arm over your side.

"i'm sorry." you whisper once she's turned off the light and snuggled in close to you.

she takes a breath, "you don’t have to be sorry. i'm here now. i'm sorry it took me so long. but i'm here now. and i'm not leaving."

"even if i'm not the same person to you anymore?"

she finds your eyes in the darkness, "y/n i didn't mean it like that. i fell in love with half of you. i just found out there's another half that i can also love now. you're the same person, you just have more to you than we knew. and i want to know more about that so i can be a better girlfriend for you."

"you already are a great girlfriend."

she sighs, a hand trailing down your back, drawing random shapes, you curl in closer to her.

"i wanted to throw it all away. i wanted to tell you all. i just-"

she hums, letting you think out your words, continuing to trace patterns into your back, eyes locked on yours.

"it was hard. and i didn't think i'd need to say anything because i was doing good. i hadn't done it in so long. i don't know why today i just- i lost control again."

"y'know nayeon would say just because you haven't done it in so long doesn't mean you were better. it just means you stopped thinking about it but that didn't get rid of the problem. which is why eventually the problem came back."

you smile at her, poking her cheek, "you've been hanging out too much with nayeon."

momo whines, "we're girlfriends! of course i hang out with her!"

"you're right though. i'm sorry. i stopped cutting when we all started dating. i think i got swept up in all the excitement and the love but once the novelty wore off and i grew more comfortable with being in a relationship with all of you, some of the bad thoughts started to come back."

"what sort of bad thoughts?"

"...like that i'm not good enough for you- or that the three of you would be happier without me, or that i don't want to... that i didn’t deserve to live or that it’d be better if i wasn’t- y’know… alive-"

you can see the shine in momo's eyes and feel your own start to well up again while you talk. she lets you speak though, just lays there, stroking your back softly while listening to you.

when you're finished its quiet save for the occasional sniffle from either of you.

"do you still think that? that you're not good enough for us?"

you hum contemplating whether to be honest or to try not to hurt her, you decide you’ve hurt her enough and it was time to be honest, she was still here after all, she wasn’t going to leave you, "...yeah."

she's pressing her lips gently against yours, barely there, almost as if she's asking permission, and you press against her softly back to say yes. you can taste the salt of her tears in the kiss, its short, reassuring. you break away with a tender smile.

"i can't speak for the others. but i don't think we could work if we weren't the four of us. you know that sana and i tried to date when we were younger right? and it didn't work out? because we always felt like there was something missing. but once we all got together, it feels right to love each other like this. i think it'd be the same if you left. i think it'd feel like something was missing and i wouldn't be able to stay either. i'm not saying that to pressure you into staying like a 'if you leave i leave' kinda thing. i'm just saying that you are needed in this relationship and i don't think we would be happier without you, i don't even think we'd work without you, without any one of us."

god you didn't deserve her. you loved her so much.

"and the other stuff... we don't have to talk about that now but... if you're open to it in the future, i want to help you find some outside help if that's okay? you don't have to answer me now, just think about it, because i want to help, but i don't think we can do this alone."

you nod, lips quivering while she smiles at you, noses touching.

"thank you momo."

"of course sweetie. i love you."

"i love you too. so much."

she pecks you again, then places your hand over her chest, and you can feel the calm thumps of her heart.

she closes her eyes, lips only centimetres apart, you follow her lead, focusing on the feeling of her heartbeat rather than the thoughts, letting that fill your head, and slowly, you drift back into sleep.

⸸

you wake up with a dull sting on the inside of your thighs. you curse internally when you realise that it was because you had self-harmed for the first time in months. but then you feel a familiar hand tracing lines down your back, and the smell of soft peaches and you recall that momo had found you cutting yourself. but the way she's tracing your back means she's still here and she hasn't left and that you're still okay.

momo realises you're awake, moving her hand to your hair and brushing the pieces that have fallen over your face. "hi sweetie."

"mm morning. what time is it?"

she giggles a little, "its 5pm actually. i didn't want to wake you. nayeon and sana should be back home soon."

you startle, "what?! 5pm?! where did they go? did they-"

"shh shh no it's okay. i woke up early and made everyone breakfast. when they came in they asked where you were. i told them you slept in the guest bedroom because you weren't feeling well. they wanted to see you but i told them to let you rest. i don't think you should hide this from them for much longer though y/n."

you sigh, relaxing back into her embrace, "i know. i'll tell them when they get back." you can feel the anxiety beginning to chip away at you as soon as the words leave your mouth. you'd thought about it before in the past, about how they'd react. on the worst end of the spectrum, they'd leave you, thankfully momo hasn't done that yet. and realistically you don't think nayeon and sana will either. but there was always that fear in the back of your head. it was more likely that sana would feel hurt and start crying and nayeon would get angry that you didn't trust them with the information. both of which you didn't really want to deal with because you didn't want to cause any of them any negative emotions. but if you didn't tell them, it would mean forcing momo to keep a secret for you and have her constantly go around on tip-toes while worrying over you. it wouldn't be fair and you’d essentially be self-sabotaging your own relationship.

momo breaks you out of your thoughts when she uses her hand to rap lightly against your forehead, "what's going on in there sweetie?"

you shake her off giggling and she smiles, "nothing i'm just thinking about how to tell them is all."

"do you want me to be there?"

you look up at her, her eyes are sincere and caring, you could stare into them for the rest of your life, "yes please, if that's okay with you."

momo squeezes you against her even tighter, planting a kiss on your forehead and murmuring against it, "of course it's okay with me. i'd love to be there."

you smile against her, reminded of your eternal gratefulness and love you have for her, before your stomach starts to growl and you pull away embarrassed while momo starts to laugh that adorable, contagious laugh of hers.

you whine, climbing out of bed as she toddles along behind you, still laughing when you enter the bathroom.

you pick up your toothbrush and start to brush your teeth when you notice that the bathroom's been cleaned up since last night. there's no more blood on the floor and you look briefly over at momo who's standing on that tile looking at you carefully, the hint of a laugh still on her face.

"youscdonthaftawatchmeyknow."

she giggles when some toothpaste dribbles out of your mouth, tilting her head indicating she didn't catch what you said.

you spit out the toothpaste and repeat yourself, "you don't have to watch me y'know."

"i know."

you squeeze some of your facial wash into your hand, staring at her in the mirror when she doesn't move, still looking at your reflection with a gentle smile.

you shrug, closing your eyes and beginning to wash your face. you go through all the motions of your morning routine, and when you finish up and turn around to wipe your hands on the hand towel, she's still standing there watching you.

you clear your throat, leaving the bathroom and moving towards the kitchen. you hear her footsteps padding along behind you.

she overtakes you once you reach the kitchen, going towards the fridge and pulling out a few things. you sit at the kitchen benchtop and watch her reheat a few dishes that she must have made for breakfast and lunch.

"where did nayeon and sana go?"

"to the shops. we were meant to go check out that new bakery together in the city but i figured may as well let you rest, we can go another day."

"oh crap i'm so sorry i forgot! i would've woken up i'm so sorry-"

"it's okay sweetie don't worry. they were both fine to reschedule, they were more concerned about you than missing out on the bakery."

"why didn't you go out shopping with them?"

"i wanted to stay home with you."

"i was asleep."

momo hums, taking the food out of the microwave, "i didn't mind. here." she sets a bowl of sundubu jjigae in front of you and then goes to scoop out a bowl of rice from the rice cooker as well. you spent a lot of the last 24 hours crying but you can't help the tears that well up in you again at the smell. this was one of the first dishes momo made for the four of you when you moved in together.

"do you want me to feed you?" momo's joking as she slides the bowl of rice over, but when you look up at her and she realises you're crying she quickly panics, "i mean i can! if you want!" she's frantically rummaging for a spoon and scooping out some rice and stew and holding it out to you.

you laugh, wiping at your eyes with your sleeve, adoring the way she tilts her head like a confused puppy in bewilderment, a small pout appearing on her lips.

you lean up and take the spoonful into your mouth, chewing and swallowing before leaning across to peck her on the lips. "i just love you is all you idiot."

momo blushes and you take the chance to grab the spoon from her and start eating the meal yourself.

she pouts and is about to whine when you both hear the door open, the telltale sign of keys jangling and the happy chattering of your other two favourite people in the world.

"momo! we got that ice cream y/n likes but i still don't think it's a good idea for her to eat it if she's sick!" nayeon's yelling from the door, probably taking off her shoes and you can hear a short squeal and something crash followed by laughter and you know sana has probably knocked something down or fallen over.

you raise your eyebrows at momo who shrugs and grins sheepishly, grabbing nayeon and sana's mugs and filling them with water.

when they come into the kitchen all loud and giggles its a sight for sore eyes. nayeon's kissing momo hello and setting the bags of shopping they have down. sana rounds the corner with more bags and that infectious smile. you loved all of them so much.

nayeon spots you first, frowning and walking over to you immediately, placing the back of her hand on your forehead. "hey baby, sorry to hear you weren't feeling well last night. are you feeling better now?"

you blush, nodding your head, your mouth still full of food.

sana's next to bound over to you once she's kissed momo in greeting as well, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and kissing the top of your head, "we missed you today. i got you this top i think would be really cute on you though! and momoring we also got you one of those draw-on shirts but we thought we could turn it into a date or something so we have four!" she's rummaging through her bags, producing items of clothing and talking about each one with her endless energy.

you swallow your food and look up at nayeon who has a fond smile on her face while watching sana, when she notices you looking at her she smiles and leans down to brush her lips against yours.

"wait... you're not sick with anything contagious are you...?"

"what if i was?"

she's squealing, running behind the counter before momo laughs and hands her the mug of water she filled and urging her to drink it. she also passes sana her mug who kisses her again in thanks.

you hum in content, happy to be around the people you loved most. its almost as if... they'll leave you. you don't deserve them. this is all temporary. don't get comfortable. you clench your spoon a little tighter, trying to will away the thoughts as you shove another spoonful into your mouth, focusing on the taste and the love behind the person who made it for you.

"-and i almost fell into the fountain and she just stood there and laughed at me!"

look at them enjoying themselves. you’re the odd one out. the one who’s about to break everyone’s happy mood.

you can make out nayeon's cackle, "in my defense! it was pretty funny! you had all your bags and everything and you threw your phone at that little boy!"

"wait sana you did what?"

you should just leave. leave them. look how happy they are without you. all you bring is sadness and anger. you can’t give them anything they’d want. what could you offer them?

"momoringg!! don't join her in this! he pushed me!"

"yeah because you were trying to steal his girlfriend!"

useless. hopeless. there’s nothing you can do. you can’t get anything right. not your job, not your friends, they’ll realise soon enough you know? that they’re better than you. that they’re too good for you. then it’ll be them leaving you. do it first before they realise that and break your heart.

"i was not!"

"that definitely sounds like you actually."

"y/n! you're on my side right?"

you look up in a daze, confused at what the context of the conversation was. "sorry?"

momo's frowning, trying to meet your eyes but you avoid her, looking at sana who's pouting, "were you listening? are you okay y/n?"

"y-yeah sorry i was just- just thinking about something. can you tell me the story again?"

suddenly sana's all in your space, basically climbing into your lap and cupping your cheeks with her hands, squinting at you. "what were you thinking about?"

you blush immediately, "oh y-y'know, just work."

"work's more important than me?"

"no sana i didn't mean it like that i'm sorry. of course work isn’t more important than you. can you tell me the story again? i'll listen this time i promise."

sana hums, nudging her nose against yours gently, "i'll tell you if you tell me the truth."

"what truth?" you feign indifference.

you can tell nayeon is looking at momo, asking for an explanation with her eyes but momo shrugs, turning away and going towards the sink to do the dishes.

"we've been together for 7 months y/n. and i've known you for much longer than that. i can tell when you're lying honey."

you gulp, clutching the spoon tighter with your hands when you feel someone else, nayeon, unwrap your fingers gently and take the spoon away, interlocking your fingers with hers instead.

you stand up quickly, unable to be interrogated at such close distance anymore. sana looks a little hurt when you do, pouting but letting you go. you look at nayeon who's eyeing you with a concerned curiosity. momo still has her back to all of you with the tap on but you can tell her shoulders are tense.

you rub the back of your neck in nervousness, avoiding all of their gazes. "u-um... i actually kinda... have something i needed to talk to you all about..."

you can feel the anxiety ramping up, the adrenaline and urge to run away pumping through you, your palms beginning to sweat.

momo saves you when she turns off the tap and wipes her hands clean, "let's all go to the living room and have some ice cream and we can talk about it yeah?"

you smile at her gratefully and she returns it, grabbing the ice cream nayeon and sana just brought back and a few spoons and bowls.

nayeon and sana exchange looks of confusion but help momo bring the utensils over and eventually you're all sitting on your couch in the living room with the television on for some background noise so it wasn't too awkward.

you fiddle with your hands, not looking at any of them while the random sitcom you have plays in the background. momo notices and grabs a hand, intertwining your fingers and squeezing gently, reassuring you that she was there.

you take a breath, clearing your throat and looking up at nayeon and sana.

"so i- um- i don't really know how to say this-"

"it's okay baby take your time. it's just us right?"

"yeah we're not going to judge you honey. we're here for you whatever this is okay?"

you take a shaky breath in, mumbling incoherently to yourself before deciding, "u-um it's probably a bit easier to s-show you." you let go of momo's hand and start to undo the tie at your pants.

"um... y/n if all you wanted was sex i think there were other ways to-" momo slaps nayeon who yelps, rubbing her arm where she was hit mumbling a "what?" but momo shushes her and gestures back to you.

you stand up and drop your pants, immediately feeling the cool breeze against your naked legs, shivering a little and fighting the urge to cover yourself. you stare down at your feet when you hear the little gasps. you decide to start talking, refusing to look up, "i'm sorry i made momo lie to you. i wasn't sick last night. i woke up and started thinking some… not so great things and i needed it to stop so i- um- i went to the bathroom where i hid some of my old stuff and i um- well-“ you awkwardly gesture at your thighs before continuing, “momo woke up and found me after the first cut. i would’ve kept going if she didn’t find me. she helped me clean up and bandage it and then i asked to sleep in the guest room because i didn’t want to um- i wasn’t ready to uh- to tell you guys yet- i’m sorry for keeping this from all of you for so long.“

when you’re done, you risk a glance up, and find the three loves of your life, tears running down their faces.

sana’s the first to move, she gets up and practically jumps over to you, but she stops short right before you touch, “c-can i- c-can i hug you?”

you smile at her, feeling your own tears well up at the sight of your three girlfriends crying. “of course darling. i’m still the same. i still love cuddling with you.”

she doesn’t give you a second thought and buries her head into your neck, wrapping her arms around your waist. you realise you’re still standing in the middle of the living room with your pants down which is a little absurd but you wrap your arms around her, sagging into her a little when she squeezes. you can feel her soft crying and the tears wet your neck.

nayeon stands and comes around as well, a little hesitant but you look at her and offer a wet smile and she breaks, enveloping the both of you in her arms as well with a muted sob. momo joins in as well because of course she does, you look at her gratefully as she sniffles, fiddling a little with her fingers before coming around behind you and moulding herself to your back, hands coming around your waist and holding onto sana’s hands, giving them a squeeze for reassurance as well.

you're surrounded with all the love you wanted. so why do you still want to die? you don't listen to that voice, pushing it down and trying to stay in the moment. eventually, someone breaks away, and you awkwardly shuffle your pants back on, glad to be able to cover up your scars.

nayeon speaks up first, a hand still holding yours, squeezing gently, "how long have you been... y'know-"

"since before i met you. the thoughts started getting really bad when i was still in high school. and all the pressure with doing well and all the extra curriculars i was picking up, it just got too much. the only thing that worked was the pain. it got me through high school, and i started to rely on it. but then... the first time i slept with someone... she was appalled. i had almost forgotten the scars were there until my pants were off. she got scared off and i told myself i wouldn't let anyone else see this side of me."

"baby..."

"it's okay. it got better after i met you guys. and when we all started dating i stopped. i felt happy." you smile up at your girlfriends, tears still streaming down your face, "being with all of you made me forget those things. but they came back. and worse this time because- because i have so much more to lose now. i can't- i can't lose you-" you can't control the sobs when you break down again. pathetic.

the girls are surrounding you instantly, whispering reassurances, brushing through your hair, tracing shapes into your skin, you try and focus on your bodily sensations rather than your internalisations, try and focus on them.

"we'd never leave you honey... we're not complete without you, you believe me right?" sana's tilting your face up to meet hers, her eyes are watery, nose red.

"i'm trying to believe you."

she places her forehead against yours and closes her eyes, sighing slightly, "i'm going to tell you that everyday from now. that i love you and that i'm not going anywhere. until you believe me." she smiles and tries for a joke, "you're going to have to deal with clingy me for the rest of your life."

you let out a broken laugh, kissing her sweetly. "i love when you're clingy anyway."

she laughs as well, wiping at her nose.

you peek at nayeon. you know she has more questions, the frown on her face and the little pout she has breaks your heart. you reach a hand out to her, she takes it after some consideration, and you pull her into your lap.

"you can ask anything. there's nothing off limits. i'll try answer everything i can and i promise i'll be honest with everything. that goes for the both of you as well." you look over at sana who's moved to your side to allow for nayeon to sit on your lap, she's got a hand on the eldest's waist, playing with her shirt, her other hand on your shoulder.

momo moves to your other side, lifting nayeon's legs and placing them on her own, tracing her calves and brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

nayeon's biting her lip, you focus on the small mole under her left eyebrow.

"w-why didn't you tell us?"

you sigh, "i didn't really think i needed to at first. because i hadn't done it in so long. i thought i was better."

"is it because you thought you couldn't trust us?"

"no baby that's not it."

"why did you keep your old stuff hidden then? when we moved in together? a part of you must have thought you weren't entirely better."

you bring a hand up to caress her cheek, she leans into the touch. "you're right. i'm sorry."

"is it still here?"

you look towards momo for an answer and she nods, "i didn't want to throw everything away. i wanted you to make that decision on your own. i thought that if we forcefully got rid of your things you might just try and hide it from us the next time the feelings come up. it's there but i... i don't really like the idea of leaving you alone y/n..."

nayeon's squeezing one of momo's hands, "pretty baby's so smart. i'm thankful you found her momo."

you nod in agreement, "is that why you kept following me around?"

momo nods shyly, her eyes still wet.

"i'm okay with that. i don't- i don't really trust myself right now either. i think it'd be good if someone was with me. if that wasn't... a burden or anything of course..."

sana jumps in, "honey no. you're not a burden. i hope you don't think that about yourself. i love taking care of you. i'd love being able to be there for you while you get better."

you smile at her gratefully.

"what are some of the bad thoughts you have baby?" nayeon's bringing your attention back to her, you can tell she's struggling to formulate these questions. but you're glad that she's asking them.

"a lot of it is about you guys. because you're all the reason i'm still here today."

"what about us? what can we do sweetie?"

you shake your head, looking down at your hands which are quickly taken ahold of by momo and sana. "i guess it comes down to... wondering if you can still love me while i hate myself." your grip tightens around their hands.

"you hate yourself?" nayeon's voice is shaky now, she's trying her best to hold back her emotions, wanting to find out everything she can do for you.

you nod, tears dropping onto her pants.

"there's this song. i think- i think it might be easier to play that for you guys if that's okay? i'm not really- i don't really know how to talk about this..."

they nod and quickly try and find your phone. momo finds it and hands it over to you. you quickly unlock it and search for the song you're looking for. could you love me while i hate myself - zeph.

you press play, clicking into the lyrics and staring at them to avoid looking at your girlfriend's reactions. it's a short song.

could you love me while i hate myself?

could you love me though i don't deserve it?

could you love me like there's no one else

even though you know i can't return it?

could you love me when the water's rough?

or when i leave you in a desert?

could you love me, though i speak with knives?

knowing all to well that you'll get hurt

if you can't answer 'yes' just go

i'm more trouble than i'm worth

could you love me while i hate myself?

because i don't know how this works

i never learned how this works

when it ends, you awkwardly tap out of your app, putting your phone down.

"thank you for sharing that baby."

you hum.

nayeon takes a shaky breath in, then quietly asks, "is it okay if i sing for you?"

you're surprised, looking up at her, her eyes are red. you nod.

she closes her eyes, humming a note to start, taking a breath in again and steadying her voice.

i'll love you while you hate yourself

i'll love you because you deserve it

i'll love you like i love us together

until you're ready to return it

i'll love you when things get rough

no matter where you leave us

i'll love you even when you're

working out all your thoughts

i'll get hurt if it means

some of your pain comes onto me

i'll love you while you hate yourself

and we'll figure out how it works

together we'll learn to get better

when she finishes and opens her eyes, you're sniffling again, tears streaming out of your eyes.

sana's the first to speak up, bringing her hands up to wipe at the tears on nayeon's cheeks, "our little musical genius. of course you came up with a response exactly on pitch after listening to a song once."

nayeon lets out a broken laugh, leaning into sana's touch.

you meet her eyes, a bright smile gracing your face, and you probably look a little silly, wet cheeks and red nosed with tears still dripping out of you, but nayeon laughs again in relief, coming in and kissing you.

you kiss her back gratefully, trying to convey how much you loved her in your action. you can feel sana's hand on your arm and momo's fingers in your hair. you loved them.

the thoughts are still there. you think they’ll always be there. but you don’t have to take them on on your own anymore. it would take time, but the people you loved were going to help you through it. you needed to put some trust in them as well, trust that they wouldn't leave, trust that they loved you just as you loved them, you wanted to get better, for them and for yourself, you believed you could get better with their help, for now, that was enough.

⸸

an extra a/n bcs its important: hi! i recognise that all experiences are unique so i just wanted to say the descriptions here aren’t meant to be generalised and i didn’t intend to write any stereotypes or misconceptions and i apologise if i have - i try to draw upon my own experiences to be able to write - in saying that i hope that anyone who feels they relate to similar themes etc seeks the help they need from professional sources - my dms are open ofc but i am not a professional and it is best to speak to someone who can help you in real time and in physicality. stay safe love y’all practice some self care today if u get the chance! <3

[lumineary-arts]

thinkin abt this post but instead of it just being a thing that looks like a camera, its straight up. a camera. that N made himself (look u mentioned a camera once and now im on a 'the boy is an aspiring photographer' kick). except the type of lightbulb N used when he made it unintentionally stuns drones. so he has to turn the flash off when he takes pics of like, other worker drones, but he turns it on to take pics of outside.

and with this i bring a small mental image: N, looking thru his pics later, forgotten the way he escaped from Uzi. He finds the picture of Uzi (bc he used the camera flash to stun her) and is like. woagh,,,,, murder frien prebby,,,,,,,

OOOOHHH NOW THERES AN IDEA- FIRST OF ALL "murder frien prebbyy,,,,," N, YOU'RE PATHETIC I LOVE YOU One idea I had for the camera was that N's accidentally used it on himself once in the process of building it, thus realizing it can stun you and scramble your brain for a bit. Like, you need a moment before your programming fully recovers which is how Uzi wouldn't be in the right mind to recognize he's a worker right away. Him showing it off in class and he's just holding it up like "Oops! Almost forgot to turn the flash off, haha! Learnt what happens there the hard way! :D" while his classmates hurry to cover your eyes bc he's just swinging the camera around

[airborneice]

gonna just d r o p some extremely rough sketches here bc my sketchbook I’ve had on the go since 2020 is almost filled up and once it is I probably won’t go revisiting any of the sketches in it, so I may as well share some of them here

I’m incapable of shutting up abt my art so ramblings under the cut

1-3 - mattie sketches :) the last ones are recent and the 1st is one of the first drawings I did of her, back in 2021. idk I just think it’s important y’all know she’s been on her tide mouse shenanigans since the beginning

4 - I think I drew this back in last march and meant to move it to digital and clean it up there but things got busy and I never did :( they’re based on @randomwords247’s wonderful mermaid designs bc I love them

5 - unrelated to the last one, but while I was working on one of my little mermaid au drawings I tried to think how I’d approach the sequel if I got that far & ended up w. this. something something mermaids having human familiars being frowned upon

6 - I think. this is a drawing of @blaithnne’s pony!lauren that I never finished oops

7 - forgot I had this!! year before last me and @bubblekidaesthetics were planning to cosplay these two at comic con, and I got super hyped and doodled this. we did do this cosplay and it was awesome <3

8 - slightly more recent design stuff for freyja, still based on hilda-fanblog/rhombus’ design ofc but figuring out if I wanted my take on her to change anything like how many legs she has lol. also some pony!mountain king doodles on the next page

9-10- something something centaur au. somewhere in my notes app is a whole list of hilda chars and horse types/colours bc I started researching them and got so carried away. johanna’s supposed to be a bay and hilda was gonna be a shetland I think…? (the hilda one is a lot more recent and I think it shows lol). rip to dee who had to watch me talk abt this au so much and barely actually draw it

anyway tumblr won’t let me add any more pics which is probably a good thing 🤷‍♀️ I hope literally everyone feels better as an artist for seeing what an absolute mess my drawings start out as 😌 now I gotta buy a new sketchbook

[plantwriting]

I am in purgatory or perhaps hell (had a 3 hour nap that I got up from around 10pm and have not been able to fall asleep and it is now 3:40am).

anyways, could u talk abt some headcanons that you've been wanting to? /nf ^-^

Oh shit sorry to hear that, can kinda relate I woke up at like 3.30 am and couldn’t fall back asleep today lol, hope you can get some rest though

Also! Absolutely!!!! Hold on entering my mind palace hhhh

Kian has NPD. I know this. In my heart. Very much like a case of “I /need/ to be better than others because if I’m not then I don’t have any worth at all”. Like he holds himself to impossibly high standards that he would never actually expect from anyone else because he’s supposed to be different

Rand also has npd. I also know this in my heart.

Got reminded of this while relistening to ep 4, when I first listened I just like. Decided to hc Rolan as transfem. And then promptly forgot and made him into a gay man instead oops

Rand was given Barc as an emotional support animal after Rachel disappeared

Kian’s parents were teens when they had him, which. Definitely played a role in why they didn’t do a great job with him. I imagine at least one of them (specifically his mom idk why) had like very strict parents who like. Disowned them when they got pregnant which is a pretty big part in why they ended up how they did

Rolan was a weird mix of super anxious and super obedient but then also extremely rebellious when they were young. Like extreme switches between being terrified of doing anything wrong and disappointing his parents and then a day later running away for a few days and getting drunk with the others because he just couldnt handle them

Stolen from @cleverpaws Rolan had like. Longish hair as a teen. Basically as long as his parents would let him have it

Kian went through like every possible hair color as a kid and preteen before settling on blonde because Identity Issues

Have. Touched on it a bit in the series but yeah Kian in my mind definitely did sex work at some point while living in Hollywood. He stopped after someone literally like nearly killed him (which i also referenced in that one oneshot! Fun times)

Becky’s band stayed together after her death/disapperance and ended up pretty popular. Like. Not a household name but they would definitely have a bit of a cult following especially within lgbtq+ circles

Rand was the tallest of the guys for so many years and he was so upset when Rolan had a sudden growth spurt and got tall

Also. Stolen from my convos with cleverpaws Kian was Rachel’s favorite babysitter because he 1. Would listen to her infodump 2. Was the only one that would agree to like. Play dressup and such with her and 3. Was actually smart enough to somewhat understand what she was talking about

I have talked about this before but. Rand. In my heart. Would not be skinny he is overweight and i need this to be more popular as a hc

Coming back from the dead healed all of kian’s wounds which unfortunately included his piercings :( he needs to get them redone oof (at least he still has his tattoos)

Speaking. Of tattoos: the guys would all get matching tattoos after everything happened

Not really a headcanon per se. But. I did realize yesterday that ive kinda accidentally started thinking of what happened between kian and becky under that tree as like. An allegory for sexual assault. Which. Yeah. Rough.

Mentioned both in the coming out oneshot and in a previous post at some point but kian has just a small box of things that mean a lot to him that he keeps hidden away and managed to keep safe even while homeless and stuff. It will definitely show up later on in the fic

Rolan has gone to a gay bar once, almost had a panic attack, and decided to never try again

No clue if i will include this in the therapy series or not. Also cant remember if ive made a post about this or not. But. Rand would start working out at some point after they all survived simply to flirt with kian better (pick him up. He just wants to be able to carry kian around)

Speaking of rand after they all survived (im not in denial shut up) he would eventually discover just a very genuine care for gardening. Like. Non weed plants. Hed grow a very nice garden in their backyard :)

Rolan has had 4 girlfriends in the past, one in high school, one in college, and then two afterwards. They all ended relatively calmly

I can absolutely give more if you want but to not make the post way too long here it is lol

[rusty-guitar-strings]

ari's thoughts on mentopolis episode 3: f for freezer

caution here there be spoilers

starting this abt 15 minutes in: conrad bb no do not turn urself in pls

also someone mentioned thinking justin might be evil so now im sus of him oops

alternate title for the episode: fuck it we ball

no one: the fix: did you know- (he is so me coded)

no character art for elias?

a key in her freezer???? wtf oh ok lmao

hanks small smile at "mr the fix" i am meltingggggg

SOMEONE TELL CONRAD ITS NOT HIS FAULT ALREADY

eagles hold on so tight they have to make an active effort to let go and we are all eagles holding onto something and we have to work to let it go and the fix is an eagle and is never gonna let go of conrad bc i decided that just now and DAMN U MR GREEN THIS IS TOO GOOD

justin needs a pipe and a deerstalker actually. dogtective

(dont smoke, kids) (almost typed that as just dont smoke kids which you should probably also not do)

awww ofc alex would remember fawn as conrad ueueueue i love,,, himb (conrad. alex's pronouns are they/them. i love them as well :>)

"they forgot me" nOOOOO

conrad is driving oh god

the drama of anastasia being estranged

very little dominance,,, massive self doubt,,, are we sure this aint MY brain

i assume ivana was there for the skate incident

elias has a TWIN SISTER omg

so elias wanted to run, not fight

i hate mr bition but ya he and the fix were prolly a thing i see the tension lmao

ok i REALLY hate mr bition he seems like an ableist piece of shit GET HIS ASS THE FIX

OH MY GOD YES BREATHING EXERCISES

god ok gonna get briefly a bit personal here so i was raised with the mindset of "you dont get to do the things you want to do until you've finished all the things you need to do" and when you have executive dysfunction its hard to do anything at all, so i never really finished the things i needed to get done on time which resulted in a lot of being yelled at and things being confiscated and such. so m bition's monologue kinda hits

you are the only thing standing in your way,,,

wait is the key talking??? the key is like the manifestation of the psychometer prolly

OH GOD IS IT WEDNESDAY YET

[mangooes]

Prologue, I love my not so normal life

In the busy city of Seoul, Korea.. the sun hits the earth, greeting it with a warm light as citizens begin waking up from their slumber, woking to a new day and a new start. 

The sunray hits the bedroom window of a young woman, seemingly in her early age as she sleeps peacefully, not noticing how her mother shouts from the kitchen for the 10th time that morning. 

“Sohee! Wake up, it's time for school! You are gonna be late…” The mother said in a frantic manner, before sighing as she turned to call her husband for help. “Jinwoo! Your daughter isn’t waking up!” The father in question laughs off as he shakes his head in a friendly manner before turning the door knob entering his daughter’s room. “Sohee, wake up, sarang it’s time to go to school, wakey wakey now..”

A groan was heard in response, “Mhhh 5 more minutes…. dad…” the girl answered with her bed voice. “No sweetheart, your mommy is gonna get us killed if you dont wake up right now…” the father chuckled as he hold his daughter’s head gently. “Come on now sohe-” before the father could finish his sentence, a young boy came storming to the room busting out the door leaving a loud sound of the door hitting the wall “Sohee have you seen my soccer ball???” A young boy seemingly not far from the young girl’s age, the girl in the bed whines in anger as she grabs her pillow throwing it right towards the boy’s head before speaking in a low voice. 

“Sung Suho, you have exactly five seconds to run… 1…2…3…4…” the father turns towards his son, “Suhoo, what did i tell you about knocking the door..?” “Uhm aha i think, i forgot something…oops nevermind forget about my soccer ba-” as the boy finishes his sentence, the girl speaks as she runs chasing the poor boy, “..5!” “Ack! wait Sohee I’m sorry!!!” The boy shouts as he runs down the hallway frantically. The father sighs as he returns back to the kitchen helping his wife prepare breakfast and lunch for the kids.

“Looks like Sohee woke up already..” the mother sighed as she continued packing her kids lunch, “Chaotic as always, huh?” The father just laughs in satisfaction before planting a kiss on his wife’s forehead in a gentle manner, before hearing his son’s complaints. “Dad!! Sohee is abusing me again!” “Did, Not!” “Did so!” “Did, Not!” as the kids continue to argue.

This is the ordinary (not so) life of the Sung’s Family..

Hey guys! i know i haven't updated the jinwoo acheron fic and robin fic but i got a brand new idea from reading solo leveling special chapters...so here i am, pouring out a scenario where jinwoo had two kids, suhoo and soohe (the oc) and for this, i'll go into more details abt soohe!!

Name : Sung Sohee (성소희)

(Fun fact!) Sohee means beautifull hope!

Age : 17 (current)

Family : 

Sung Jinwoo - Father (40??) I mean sakjdank tbh idk

Cha Hae in - Mother (32) I'll set hae in's age at this

Sung Suho - Older Brother (18)

Appearance : Long straight black hair with bangs, gray eyes.

Hobby : Kudo/Archery, Guitar, Sleep.

Voice traits : Meek, soft, whispers, asahina mafuyu’s voice traits (If you play project sekai!)

Traits : Straightforward

Anyways i'll put this under the reader tag! so you can just imagine what the oc/sohee looks like on ur own imagination! :) i almost imagine her looking like sawako but this will be a short series and a platonic one with jinwoo!

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

sugar we're going down, all the things she said, and shake it for either one of the jaides!! :] their lore is SO creative and i love hearing abt both of them so i didnt know which one to choose oops

MILO.

YOUUUUUUUUUUU

WHERES THAT DISCORD STICKER DRAWING OF YOU BEING SQUEEZED BECAUSE THAT'S ME RN IM SQUEEZING YOU‼️‼️‼️ MY BABYGIRLLL RAAGGH THANK U FOR THAT DOODLE WTF😭😭😭 IM ALSO ANSWERING FOR BOTH BECAUSE YES

Sugar We're Going Down: Does Jaide's inclusion in the media’s plot change anything majorly? If so, what’s changed?

oh bro you already know what im answering for this one. MANGA JAIDE EXISTING TURNS A LOT OF THINGS SHAHAKAKSJJA aka fixing the RUBY HAS A CELEBI OUT OF NOWHERE INCIDENT BECAUSE UNCLE GOLD DID A THING WITH CELEBI <3 /hj

honestly i think spe!jaide is the bridge to giving a character more development and impact to their personality, she might not be the most crucial to the plot, but she was there to give more depth and characterization to ruby, gold and steven and I can name a few

- ruby: learned how to use pokéblocks because of jaide being good at snacks that are performance enhancers (aprijuice)

- gold: the aprijuice being used in pokéathalon (that one is minor but shh) and the impact of gold's internal turmoil of his insecurties being given more weight because jaide is there

- steven: this is manga spoilers territory. okay good? we good?

'kay. anyways in rs arc he was evidently more serious and incredibly busy. handed the champion role to wallace and had a little more strained relationship with ruby (oops new lore) but after he fucking DIED he realized that he was so clouded in being the hero for the entire population (see: team magma and aqua situation) that he risked his life for almost nothing and that it's okay to not be the hero all the time, being the hero for his family is good enough and that his son is also very smart with that CELEBI MOVE. which explains his more carefree personality in oras arc. he's prioritizing his family more now (e.g training mumu while ruby is away, holding ruby's secret from sapphire) BOOM. MIC DROP. BOWS DOWN

All The Things She Said: If your characters was a part of the original media they're an insert for, how would the fandom treat them? How would they treat the ship?

I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THAT WEREWOLF MIRROR MEME WHERE A MAN STARES AT A MIRROR AND HIS REFLECTION IS A WEREWOLF EXCEPT ITS GAME JAIDE LOOKING AT SPE JAIDE OR VISE VERSA AHHSHSJAKSJ basically they get thrown in a lot of... dual identity meme. yes the spiderman pointing meme counts. for the ship I think fans would compare redjaide and stevaide a lot and it's hilarious since they're so different

Shake It: If Jaide had to pick a song for karaoke (whether it’s one by herself or perhaps.. with someone else too?), what would it be?

spe jaide would uhh pick like a classic love song she's such a romantic with steven it makes ruby and gold throw up /lh

im thinking of that one discord convo with those two where jaide sung just the two of us and steven forgot the next lyrics PFTTTT

game jaide would pick early to late 2000's music. i bet you she sings i love you like a love song baby and makes sure to direct her singing to red and watch him get flustered as she dances around silly. he loves her for being so bold but man others were watching he'd pass out

[lasttree-garsennon]

okay so like

first tehre was a lot of confusion abt which subjects we had

then somehow out of three two subjects students already got fixed and locked

so when the third subject teacher asked who wanted to do this one day before the festive vacation i raised my hand

and she picked everyone except for me and one other girl

she picked the girl sitting DIRECTLY NEXT TO ME and not me

nd im very good at SST btw i love social science and i get good grades in that out of 20 i got 19.5 last time so im validated too

and

i was like what no i am gonna do this

so i approached her and said "hi helo i wanna do this" and shes like "we have like 7 ppl already..." but i insisted so shes like "okay ill keep you as an extra" and drew a line under my name and put my name along with the other girl whom she had not picked lets call her s

so

then

she forgot (??) to put me in the gc in which they were discussing it

but she put s

lmao

and it was the vacaction and i dont have my own phone nor the teachers contact info

so i just. didnt know till after the holidays upon which i appraoched her and asked why i wasnt there and shes like oH oOPs or whatever and tells me i can help out if they need anything

so i went there but the kids just basically made me gvethem my statinary and then treated it like trash

and then disrespected me (whole diff incident) upon which i got mad and called a kid who had been dismissing me very much a problem and then i felt bad cuz i usually dont do shit like that like i just

dont say mean stuff back

but i did

anyway so

none of the kids, all of whom were in my class, reminded her i was supposed to be there too

idk if they forgot or what but s was literally next to me she knew she approached the teacher at the same time as me

so like. wow. after all my effort, after almost dying with the sleep deprivation and work load im just. forgettable. lmao

Do no harm but take no shit it's good you said some mean stuff to them and your teachers an idiot

Also you're not forgettable not to me

[abidethetempest]

mega 3-in-1 rise and fall retrospective post!

(because i forgot to do them for the last three chapters..... oops) literally one person i think is cool liked my post about bringing these pack and I am Not Immune to peer pressure so I decided to do the ones I missed right away lmao

Chapter 10

As I said in the authors note on this chapter, this one was hard for me. Mainly because I was writing it while working on my conlang and then I got too excited abt the conlang and kinda forgot to write the chapter,,,,, I honestly can't remember if there was anything cool or important I wanted to highlight for this one. Rereading it now, I don't see anything to point out in particular. I mostly had fun writing Risen being kind of a menace with her lack of self preservation, and having Erikses go into mom-mode at the end.

Chapter 11

Aster

oh hey look that guy again. i'm sure he's not gonna cause any problems at all :)

no but in all seriousness, I do really like writing about Aster and how Risen feels about him. It's cool to have him be seen as a very real threat, esp in a game where as the player I feel like this unstoppable murder machine 90% of the time. Risen also has to worry about the lives of the House, who are most definitely not going to get back up if Aster kills them like she does. She's already prone to paranoia when it comes to him, so tapping back into some of her fears after a few chapters of relative peace was refreshing. (For me, anyway, I'm sure it sucked for her.) Excited to show you guys her growth as a character thru dealing w Aster and also to get to the more exciting bits of this arc.

I Wish Erikses Was My Mom

need I say more? Erikses is kind of my favorite character (okay maybeeee she's tied with Aakse tbh) and I just love writing her interactions with Risen. I was concerned that it would feel like her relationship with Risen moves too quickly from "tentative ally/mentor figure" to "i have been adopted this nice crab alien" but I eventually came to my senses and realized this is my fic and I can do whatever I want.

I do honestly feel like this was the right time to have them get closer, and not just because I want to write cute bonding times. I'll probably elaborate on this more in that sidefic I have planned; Erikses is someone who has always wanted to be a mentor and parent figure but it simply never worked out until now. Now Risen is suddenly thrust into her life, and Erikses has come to care about her beyond the initial "honored guest who I owe a great debt to" dynamic.

Writing that hug healed my soul. Erikses is best mom confirmed.

Chapter 12

all caught up now!

The Nightmare

ehehehe I bet I got some of you with that little fakeout huh >:3c sorry not sorry. It wasn't in my outline, but I felt like I wanted to show that, even tho Risen got some nice comfort from her alien mom Erikses last chapter, she's not instantly cured of all fear. But now she has Erikses in her corner if she ever needs someone to remind her its still gonna be okay.

Traveling Songs

A thing that has been in my brain since almost day 1 of this project is the idea of group songs being big in Eliksni culture. Traveling songs are specifically meant to bring good luck on your journey and keep everyone entertained (and awake) during all that damn walking. Also the sound of large groups of people singing together just does something to my brain okay.

Erikses, let me see what you have? A knife! NO!

Everybody's favorite scribe stabs people in her free time, go queen. This cultural detail is another one I've been kicking around for a long time. I think it came more out of the Long Drift than Riisborn Eliksni culture. Everyone needs to know how to fight, because the universe can be an incredibly cruel and hostile place, especially after the Whirlwind. Even scholars like Erikses traditionally are trained in some kind of weapon, tho their skills are usually more focused on self defense.

Risen Can Change Her Knives Now?

This is not a Risen-specific ability! (Actually none of her abilities as a Guardian will ever be hers alone, just a matter of skill, age, and practice.) I headcanon that Guardians can change the form of their Light-based summons (Hunter knives, Titan hammers, Golden Gun, Dawnblades, etc.) to fit their own personal tastes or fighting style. Within reason, ofc-- a Golden Gun will always be a gun, but maybe some Hunters make it a sniper instead. Risen wants her knives to look like Erikses's and in a quiet environment, with time and focus, she can do it. This is a lot harder during a fight, but practice makes perfect.

Embroidery <333

Once again, R&F is secretly just me gushing about every fiber art I know/want to learn forever. Embroidery is one I want to learn real bad; I do cross-stitch already a tiny bit, so I think I could do it in theory, but it just looks like magic to me ughhhh so cool.

Erikses choosing to share her art with Risen is a significant act in Eliksni culture, and somewhat formalizes their teacher-student relationship (we have not gotten to my cultural concept of iksabas yet but when we do I will have so much yelling to do about Erikses and how she makes Risen a member of her family thru the act of sharing her language and her craft with her).

whew okay thats a long boi in the soup but there's three chapters worth of retrospectives!

[caatws]

I agree with you about Peter and Mantis. Their siblings reveal honestly felt superfluous. I don't hate it or anything, but it doesn't feel like a plot point with real investment or progression. I think I'm in the minority though where there are few things about vol 3 that feel like they're there just to be there while there are genuine leftover plots from Endgame and Infinity War that got ignored. Even buying Knowhere. I'm not against it and know it's connection to the comics but it doesn't feel like a fully explored addition to the story.

The whole 2018/14 Gamora situation is similar to me. I love Gamora and I'm definitely not unhappy about her being in the vol 3, but I can't help feel her poor character has just been needlessly jerked around. She had her life disrupted in childhood, adulthood and then adulthood again. They kinda dragged her to the future for nothing imo. She didn't get to explore her feelings about being permanently free from Thanos. She never got to form a relationship of her own with the guardians. She was thrown into the deep end when she got to the future and had to sink or swim before having to deal with the guardians in an intense situation where, like someone else said, it mostly seemed to be about Peter. I just feel like she could have been allowed to live out her life in the past and meet the guardians as intended. They could've had 2018 Nebula in the past get a sneak attack on Thanos and take him out and then head back to the future leaving the past happily continuing. I understand that's a little much but I guess mostly I feel like Gamora's entire abuse survivor journey became an easily dismissed casualty in this wider story. They didn't treat anyone else's life in quite this way and I still don't think it was necessary.

Also superficially I'm sad Gamora of all people never got to wear the official guardians uniform.

The way I agree with you on everything here!! Honestly I’d completely forgotten abt the gotg buying knowhere when I first watched vol 3 cuz I’d only watched the holiday special once—back when it came out in like November 😭—so I was like oops hope that wasn’t important to remember all the details of! I think part of why it’s kind of jarring is bc the gotg spent 4 years living on ships and seeming fine so it was kinda like…when did they decide they wanted to “settle down” in a sense and basically run their own society? Like I’m down for it but it would’ve been nice to see more of how/when the gotg realized that was something they wanted to do

Funnily, Peter and Mantis being biological siblings had actually become one of those things I sort of forgot wasn’t canon until it actually came up in canon to be made canon, bc it was suuuuch a popular headcanon since vol 2 😭😭😭 And I think that also makes the lack of development for Peter and Mantis’ sibling relationship almost more apparent, bc since it became so common in fanworks, a lot of us had ideas of what it could look like if it were canon, only for canon to just…not rly do anything with it at all. Not that I think canon needed to use our specific ideas or headcanons blah blah blah but just doing literally anything with them being siblings would’ve added more to their characters and their relationship!

You’re so 100% right on everything you said regarding Gamora too—also I am with you in the superficial camp bc I also have been VERY SAD we didn’t get Gamora in a guardians uniform 😭 like I think abt it every time I see that group pic of everyone 😭 like we even got the raccoon in the damn thing but we couldn’t get our literal founder in one???

[ratgingi]

smth smth oc rambles

murr is almost constantly swaying a little bit, think like a cartoon character does when theyre in love or smth. its not super noticable unless youre like actively watching him

outis plays with his necklace a lot, especially while he talks. also speaking of the necklace it was a present from his dad, the very first time he ever went to the beach with his parents he was way too scared of going anywhere near the water, and his dad got him the shell while diving and had ot turned into a necklace for him

also outis has had to be hospitalized twice because of his allergy, once when he was 5 (it was the first time they found out it was a problem) and once when he was 10 (went out to eat with family and everyone forgot to double check that the food was safe). his dad makes a joke every time he his a 5th year that its 'time for another scare'. outis does not think this joke is very funny but yk how parents are

xander (who i havent . talked abt hardly at all despite them being the most notable nonedatable from vinnies route oops) is 20 and genderfluid (any pronouns with no preference) and is probably gonna be the person who sets you up with vinnie methinks. he likes vintage and old time-y devices and has a weird fascination with medieval weaponry/torture . shes relatively normal xe just thinks its really cool

addy used to give free food to randy when he was living in the dumpster. juniper used to threaten to beat him up so he would give her that food while she was on the streets. addy caught her during one of these harassment moments and with margo's assistance helped her get her current job to get her back on her feet

oopsie does not like roe or murr and treats them both similarly to how she treats gingi. when asked she just says they creep her out and have bad vibes and make her feel like shes in danger so she avoids them (however if she had to pick between those two or gingi she would go to them for protection)

kara still has her old trophy head, she got it changed shortly before coming to town and keeps the trophy in her room in oakey's place. not as an ego boost so much as a humbling kind of thing, she looks at it whenever she feels homesick to remind herself why she left in the first place. the blue ribbon she wears was the first blue ribbon she ever won, and she won it for a singing performance. THAT one she uses as motivation

jackson had an older model smartphone as a head when he was little, when he was a teenager (like 16/17 or so) his parents paid to replace it with a newer one since his old friend group's parents were all doing it and they didnt want him to stick out. one of said friends got the rainbow headcase for him as a joke but hes just never stopped wearing it

when talking to charlie the first time he mentions that lillith is mute and offers to give the player a little sorta book with basic conversational asl instructions so they might understand lillith better. the player would be able to refuse this either saying they already know it or saying they just dont need it and if you say its because you know it already some of the things lillith 'says' wont make sense to represent misunderstanding their gestures, if the player says they just dont need it lillith's text just flat out wouldnt show and youd have to go back to charlie to get the book

both charlie and lilliths heads are damaged (his screen is shattered, their clipboard head has a piece broken off of the corner), neither will disclose how either of the damages happened

in outis' route youd be able to meet up with stop in the laundremat and the two of you would work together to help him for a bit. i havent decided if you meet it normally or if you meet them post them getting hit by a car (a very common occurance for her dont worry)

similar to murr roe is not super picky about pronounce or gender things bc when youre around for long enough you sort of decide being picky about gender is not worth it. smth smth "im nonbinary now this shit is getting ridiculous" type beat

[silversupremacy]

Please do ii taco for the ask game? 🥺

ALMOST FORGOT ABT THIS OOPS

Uhm jsut like, Taco is really fun and I love drawing her. I also wanna animate her more. I want to see so much more angst plot w/ her in s2 but I want a happy end.

[qualityrain]

ive heard of honkai impact but i never really got a look at the actual game itself whats your favorite guy like??? how do they work with the plot?? love you bye<3

there is sO much to say and absolutely nothing at the same time

this isnt going to be coherent at all

whats your favorite guy like???

this is going to be very inaccurate because at this point i cant tell what is canon or not + rlly disorganised

tbh. like a generic emo guy. a family guy. ride or die. his love language is dying for you. actually really chill??? and like kind of straightforward (at least to one of the main characters in the game. whether it is for plot or an actual character trait nobody knows) shows no emotion whatsoever(never explained). will kind of crack jokes. highly efficient, won’t do more things than necessary(this is definitely canon). hasnt slept well in like 10 years (vibe). takes promises really seriously. the i owe you and i WILL pay you back guy. he’s an older brother. has STRONG annoying little brother energy with another character that is literally my favourite dynamic in this entire game with 5mins of screentime together. a piece of shit. will talk stupid shit to lighten up the situation. he will do anything for his goals(probably). this guy definitely has trauma and mhy wont ever address it and he’s repressing it like crazy. like has this dude ever processed the whole i almost fucking died and everybody i love is dead thing properly yet. i could tell you his height but not his birthday. its 173cm. i refuse to believe he’s taller than 170cm. there’s probably more but i don’t know what else to say. this guy’s barely a character in the game, there’s absolutely no depth at all. all i have are vibes and my brain ran with it and now this guy has been in my head for 2 years now.

how do they work with the plot??

short answer: they don’t.

long answer: his role in the plot is to parallel another main character(mei) and it is done so so so soooooooo poorly. he appears in one (1) arc in the game and appears in 2 chapters and its imo the worst arc in the entire game and its almost irrelevant and every new chapter that gets added makes me wish more and more that this arc doesn’t exist. I genuinely do not know why this parallel needed to exist like. why? why do we need this parallel to see the main characters with an outside perspective?? there’s probably a reason its just this arc is terrible. they couldnt even get meis arc right in this arc like its sO BAD.

mei has this whole ass scene where she just accepts having to kill this guy!! my fave!! the blorbo!! shes like oh i cant hesitate anymore i have to do this for my girlfriend(basically)!!! AND THEN SHE HESITATES AGAIN AND DOESNT KILL HIM AND IM SO SO UPSET AND ANGRY BECAUSE WHATS THE POINT. she has this whole moral dilemma of ohh noo if i kill this guy its like im a hypocrite or smth cos im doing the same as this guy but i gotta to protect somebody i care about!! for this arc and then SHE DOESNT KILL HIM. he dies another way!!! resolving to kill somebody is not the same as actually doing it!! im so upset abt this because its so. whats the point of the whole scene where mei literally collects herself to strengthen her resolve to not hesitate and kill this guy and shes like oop i guess i wont!

im going to be real i try to forget as much as i can from this arc because i hate it and its probably all wrong and inaccurate but i still hate it to bits and i wish mhy wasnt scared to make mei commit murder

this isnt proof read at all this is a word vomit ive spent over half an hour on this and 3 days thinking abt this. there are definitely things i wanted to add and forgot almost immediately.

thanks for the ask!! 🫶🫶🫶

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Mira protection squad rise up….dw just pull out the picture of Karasu in your wallet and just say ummm I’ve got a bf..!! /j but fr stay safe!!! It’s crazy how this still happens everywhere like leave people alone!!!

I’m crying the word count alone still has me REELING like omg….guys this is not a fic atp this could be a whole novel….

Ok wait but continuing I forgot to mention this is such a minor thing but THE TAJ MAHAL OUT OF HAIR??? I did not need that visual either oh my god

And not to worry! I turned back pretty fast I’d only gotten to the part where Karasu calls to talk about being captain and then I was really like ummm wait a minute….so all good!!! I fr was piecing together the story up till that point like “oooh ok in college….ok somehow we made a deal with Karasu got it…” LMAO my fault for running to read without actually reading properly before I started the actual fic portion!!

Ugh baby Karasu is so squishy…I can just imagine pinching his cheeks shdgsjshs speaking of that line where y/n is walking with him after his first game as captain and she compares his baby face to his current face “all angles and gloom and doom” LMAOOO ok but that swimming scene>>>> their bond >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

YAYOYUKI guys it’s just the quadruple Y ship Y to the fourth power LMAO I’m imagining yuki in that meme reaction pic with the person with their arms in the area and their chains breaking LMAOOO

NO IT WORKED SOOOO WELL!!! Honestly I think you’re the master of this like writing characters in love but they don’t know they’re actually in love yet…so good….chefs kiss…..but omg yeah with Aoyama!!! I loved how that was in the story too and you could feel the difference between their relationships!! I’m ngl though I’m not even deep in the fandom or even content in general but whenever I read Aoyama I kept thinking of the dude from mha LMAOOOO I know Aoyama isn’t a super u bc Lemmon last name but that was the first face that popped into my mind shsgsgshsh

The bfb sisters >>>>> ok but so real kaneshiro PLEASE give us NAMES this just reminds me of Barou’s LN too where his sisters are literally referred to as “the 1 year old” and “the 0 year old” like BRO JUST GIVE THEM NAMES!!!! I do really enjoy how we get to see both sides though!!! Like both being friends with the younger and older sister, very refreshing getting to read about both sides!!

NO BECAUSE I ALMOST SCREAMED HAHAHA like bro carried you to your apartment in the middle of the night, gave you water and food, cleaned you up and REMOVED YOUR MAKEUP and oops, to the streets he goes /hj….I also thought y/n hitting otoya up to ring her in was funny LOL I honestly live for the little interactions with other characters I love how it builds a whole little universe within the fic world!

Where would Karasu nation be without you…and OMG MORE KARASU REQS??? Guys Karasu nation is GROWING all thanks to you o7 gotta take a Karasu intermission LMAO but speaking of if there’s anything in the Hiori LN you want reinterpreted…don’t be shy..LOL I had it TLd but I think the wording needs some refining because it was definitely clunkier than the ones I did recently LMAO

Oooo omg plane ride again!! Manifesting no motion sickness to the airport..!!!! And no we knew in our hearts that you were cooking in silence….we trust….

-Karasu anon

LMAOOO WHIPPING OUT A BADLY EDITED PHOTO OF ME NEXT TO KARASU LIKE “so sorry but i’m actually married 🙄 yeah it’s a committed relationship so go away 🥱” JFJDJS i’m dead 😭 nah fr i don’t understand how it’s such a problem STILL but oh well 😐

apparently according to google a novel is anything above 40k words SO TECHNICALLY i did write an entire novel abt karasu based on a song from victorious 😭 that is the most ridiculous sentence i think i’ve ever formulated JFKSJFJSK what even…it’s what my man deserves though 💖

OH MY GOD THE TAJ MAHAL OUT OF HAIR it was actually a reference to this disney xd show that my brother, my best friend, and i watched as kids called lab rats and at one point one of the characters makes a “buckinghair palace” and is planning on making a “taj mahair” it was a very random reference LMAOAOA but i like throwing things in like that to make the world seem richer?? like i could’ve just had otoya say that his sister had a bad roommate but adding in that specific (and gross) detail just made it seem like there’s things going on in the background even when the reader isn’t there if that makes sense

LMAOO i can fr see how that would be confusing 😭 the 41.6k words really got to you huh 😰

HAHAHA no but y/n is so real for that because imagine you’re used to adorable squishy baby karasu and then all of a sudden BAM he’s all chiseled and gorgeous?? but you’re “not attracted” to him because he’s “like your brother” so you can’t even appreciate that part 😩💔

PLSSS yayoyuki my otp all those y’s mean they’re meant for each other 🤩 LMAOOO yukimiya breathing a sigh of relief that he’s actually chill for once

AHHH YESSS MY FAV TROPE i love when characters don’t understand their feelings it’s truly so much fun because it’s such a good way to create tension without feeling forced or annoying…yesss the way y/n and aoyama are chill but you can FEEL how she doesn’t love him but then her with karasu even though she doesn’t realize it the love they share just seeps into every interaction they have 🥹 PLSSS icl i know nothing abt mha and would prefer to keep it that way 😰 to be honest i just went on the japanese census and picked one of the earlier names on the list which happened to be aoyama (because it starts with an a i suppose)…no reference intended there

kaneshiro so allergic to women he won’t even give them names 😔💔 literally the only girls with names are isagi and bachira’s moms + anri 😭 i can never write a bllk fic without ocs because i NEED female friendships in my stories!! and agreed that it was rlly fun to see the difference in liking your friend’s older brother versus the younger brother as there are different associated stigmas and whatnot that come about from it

KARASU SAID “right let me just be the ideal bf real quick” AND GOT THE BOOT FOR IT 🥲 i can’t even blame him for kissing her/confessing at that point because wdym he went through all of that and then told you he’d never had a girlfriend because he was in love with someone who’d never love him back and you have the audacity to say “damn who would ever say no to you??” 😭⁉️ he’s more patient than me fr…okay but lowkey it’s so funny to me that he saw y/n when he was four years old and he IMMEDIATELY locked tf in…like THAT was the ONLY GIRL he wanted from that moment on 😩

otoya was so much fun to write in this au 😭 like the way he’s so nonchalant and all…he knows exactly what’s going on because he’s good w girls but he has 0 interest in getting involved because he needs to protect his peace!! like i said w the taj mahal thing i love throwing in little moments that make it seem like the characters all have their own lives separate from the plot…for example the “crazy girl” from otoya’s group project that he mentions very easily could be a love interest for him if you think abt it ☝🏻 like “crazy girl” just wants a good grade and slacker otoya thinks he can flirt his way out of doing any work but she’s having NONE of it and they end up falling in love based on that?? can you imagine he’s like two minutes late to the meeting and she’s like “where were you 😐” and he’s like “my roommate’s older sister’s best friend was showing me where to get non-keurig coffee” and she doesn’t even believe him because she’s heard many dumbass excuses in her life and that is the worst one yet 😭 idk that’s just a random example but it’s just fun for me to throw in those random little threads!! i think like you said it really helps to build a universe within the story and make the plot as well as all of the characters feel more whole and well rounded as opposed to flat and one dimensional 🤩

at this point i think i’m basically a karasu account LMAOO nobody remembers my roots as a nagi fan anymore 😟 yes i have a couple of reqs for him which is rlly exciting!! eek i’ve been having trouble getting into the hiori mindset but i NEED TO because those two reqs are from my 500 follower milestone event which was ages agooo like they’re literally from JUNE 😭 ugh trust i will cook when i get the chance though!!

YESS PRAYING NO MOTION SICKNESS!! we still have a little less than a week left before we leave so going to relax and enjoy the vibes but tbh i am excited to return to america…the glorious land of ubiquitous air conditioning and everyone wearing deodorant…LMAO 😭🙏🏻

[xplrvibes]

“Steve is great. There's something very calming about his presence, almost in a protective way. Very in control of a room, but in a way that gives comfort instead of like, annoyance or fear.” YES! Ok yes you put into coherent words. That’s exactly it.

Lol your visual of Santa in thongs 😂😂 funny story… that’s actually how they depict Santa here. He’s on the beach in his togs and thongs, sunhat, singlet, and a beer 😂 bc ofc our Christmas happens in summer. We’ve even got specific summer related Christmas songs lol

Yes this is the same one colby walks with lexi to help her on the ice. I forgot to comment that but i did think aww lol idk how hard it is to walk on ice but i imagine if youre not used to it it can be tough

god imagine the rukus if people notice the portrait thing… especially this close to the other drama 🙄 its very obviously a mass produced art piece and the one in the driskill might actually be a painting if its losing its colour. and if it does ever stir up… it wasnt snc faking shit. lets make that clear rn. how are they supposed to remember every portrait/photo/doll they come across? i only made the connection bc i saw the driskill episode a few days ago and samantha was such a big part of it… then watching this one and being like wait ive seen that portrait before lol if anything, the driskill hotel are faking shit lol

oooh i would LOVE a compilation of his empathic moments. that wouod be s study in itself

yeaaah they mentioned the bellaire house a few times but i was like oop jot touching that up with a ten foot pole lol

and idk abt the doll and dumb waiter thing. naybe? it doesnt stick out in my memory but im also sick so it may have just gone over my head

- aussie anon

That's crazy! I can't reconcile Santa as like, Jimmy Buffet lmao.

Then again, our Christmas happens in the winter (up north anyway), so it makes sense that Australia would have a summertime Santa.

Also, the dumb writer thing must have been one of the prison episodes then. I swear it was one that Steve and Dylan were in as well...

...ah well. My point stands. Man is a beacon of haunted shit lol.

There is another prison ep where he makes a beeline to a chair in this one room and sits in it, only to be told the chair is haunted and the challenge for thay room is to sit in that chair for a set amount of time in the dark and he's just like "oh fuck" lol.

Someday I will learn how to edit, and then its gonna be on 🤣.